hey kittens, does anyone have any ideas on how to gently/non-confrontationally stop a friend from infantilizing you? my one roommate does this very often and it’s really wearing me down. they order me around and tell me the way i do things is “pointless”. when we go out together they even refer to it as “like taking my dog out for a walk” and say “you’re like having a child. no, you’re more like my pet” they’ve said these specific phrases nearly weekly. i’m hurt and very offended

I only know how to be aggressive and confrontational about things like this, but maybe some kittens with more grace and tact than me will be able to help?

-Brother Cat

Hey you probably don't remember me, but a long time ago I sent an ask on how to deal with my autistic neighbor always asking me to play, and me [Asperger's] feeling obligated to do it even though I felt uncomfortable because I'm a lot older. Good news is she's moving away. She never really stopped asking even though I'm an adult and she's 15. But now I won't have to deal with that anymore

That’s good !

Just a note though, Asperger’s and autism have officially been the same diagnosis (Autism Spectrum Disorder) since 2013 for countries that use the DSM and since may 2019 for countries that use the ICD :)

- Sister Cat

I know this is a weird question, but how do you deal with intrusive thoughts about your special interest? Because I mean, you think about it literally all the time.

That’s not a big problem for me ...

Does anyone have any advice for this kitten ?

Omg I feel like an asshole but I can't fucking stand it when my dad clears his throat like every fucking 5 minutes.. Like he's only 60 and never smokedbor anything and it just gets on my fucking nerves bc of my sensory stuff. He also scream sneezes. 😭

Ouch ! Have you tried wearing earplugs, ear defenders or even noise-cancelling headphones ?

Personally, I use these earplugs and these headphones.

Hang in there,

Sister Cat

Why do I get urges to bang my head on things

Because it Feels Good! But you probably shouldn’t. If it’s the rhythmic aspect of banging your head on things, try other rhythmic repetitions like drumming your fingers, or the classic Bounce The Leg.

If it’s the physical sensation that drives the urge, try using one of those wire head massager things - they increase blood flow and relax nerves in your head the same way banging your head does. If you want, you could go all-out and learn about acupressure points on your head! Especially nice if you’re prone to migraines like me.

-Brother Cat

My friend (who is also autistic) sent me an invite to a Discord server for fans of an anime we both really like and I'm Really Happy because it turns out a few of the members there are autistic too! I was really scared at first because joining new servers is always overwhelming, but everyone there has been incredibly sweet and I've been having a great time. :D

That’s awesome! Discord servers can be a bit intimidating at first, but I hope you’ve been having a good time!

What do I do I got rediagnosed as autistic and now they’re suggesting ABA. I don’t want ABA. Can adults even get ABA???

Can they? Probably, the same way adults can be abused in other situations. But would it “work”, so to speak, on an autonomous adult with prior knowledge and understanding that all ABA is is psychiatric abuse? Almost certainly not.

As for what you do, you tell them no! If you’re open to other forms of therapy, like CBT, DBT, or ACT, mention that, but if you’re just not interested? You’re an adult! You get to make that choice for yourself.

-Brother Cat

I'm newly in a relationship and in very happy, however I am not super good at communicating what I want or need or if I'm uncomfortable and I've told him this and so he makes sure to ask but is there anything I can do to get better at this so this relationship can last ?

I hope things have been going well since you sent this!

Something important to keep in mind is your “no muscle”, as I like to call it. It’s hard to enforce your own boundaries when you first start doing it, just like it’s hard to do a 30-minute jog or lift a 20-pound weight when you first start. So don’t feel bad if it feels awkward or difficult to do for a while. The only way to strengthen it is to flex it, work it out.

It’s good that he asks - that’s a good way to get good at saying “no”, provided you do actually say “no” when you want to. As time goes on and you get comfortable saying it, you’ll be able to start doing so without prompting.

Communicating your wants can be trickier, and it’s easy to end up in a situation where your partner has to 20-questions you to try and guess what you want. We wanna avoid that.

A good way to practice this, especially in the first few months of a relationship, is by taking responsibility over a date, or a portion of a date. Perhaps you decide where to get dinner, or you decide on a movie you really want to see. Over time, ideally, this’ll lead to you being able to make bigger choices - though Bigger Choices will doubtlessly involve a lot of discussion on what you both need.

The only way to really get better at either of these things, though, is to do it regularly and consistently. This is especially important because you need both skills to be able to compromise, and relationships involve a lot of compromise.

One thing I wanna note, though, is, the fact that you talked to him about this shows that you’re better at communication than you may think. You’ve already enforced boundaries and discussed needs just by telling him that you’re not very good at it yet. You’re already compromising. That’s excellent! You did good, and I’m sure you’re only going to do better :D

-Brother Cat

my 4 year old nephew is being assessed for autism, and still uses dummies/pacifiers. my sister is trying to wean him off them (shes worried abt the effect it could have on his speech/teeth/etc), but it isnt happening as of yet. he likes the sensation but not necessarily chewing on it, and i think hes using it to stim. do you know of any replacements or alternatives for the sensory aspect ? thank you ! 💕

Hi! Sorry I didn’t get to answer this sooner. If it’s no longer an issue, feel free to ignore 😅

It took me a long time to wean off my baby chew toys, and I never really weaned off them so much as just started putting other stuff in my mouth (fingers, hair, straws, etc). Luckily, these days you can find a wide range of oral sensory toys online, from rubber pendants to bead strands and everything in between! Stimtastic has a good range of these types of things, so I think it’d be a good place to start.

Another thing is I like to keep little snacks around in a range of textures, so stuff like granola, jerky, dry cereal, veggie straws, etc are all (healthy!) ideas that may not only help the weaning process, but also instill a concept of good nutrition and positive associations toward eating (something a lot folks young and old struggle with in this day and age).

-Brother Cat

Hi kittens! You may have noticed there haven’t been many posts in the last couple months. (Oh gosh, we even forgot to put the colours back - hold on I’ll fix that.)

I’ve been quite sick on and off since the start of April, as has my mom, and when I’ve not been sick I’ve been working on stuff (fixing the siding on the house and a commission I still owe a friend mostly). Also trying to find an endocrinologist that’ll take my shoddy insurance.. Anyway, that’s why I’ve not been around.

I’m going through the inbox now and hopefully I won’t get sick again for at least a little while 😅

-Brother Cat

Hey! So I’m having a relative over this week who has severe aspbergers and I honestly don’t know what to do. I want to be as accommodating as possible but I don’t know how, ya know? What should I cook? How should I act? Should I put my dog in another room or keep the dog out? (my sister and I had a lot of fights over where the dog should go). I just need some guidance / advice because honestly I’m freaking out. He’s a really nice person but I’m not equipped for this.

Hi !

A lot of these questions can be answered by asking your relative what works for them directly, just like you would if you wanted to accommodate a non-autistic guest. He’ll probably appreciate your efforts, I know I would like MY relatives to ask more questions about what I need instead of trying to guess.

What should you cook ? Well, what does your relative like to eat ? There might be specific foods to avoid, or they might be fine with whatever you usually cook !

How should you act ? Um, normally ? If your relative is about your age, you can suggest age-appropriate activities they might enjoy. If they’re not your age and it’s not your responsability to entertain them, don’t feel like you have to hang out with them either. (I personally don’t enjoy speaking to my cousins who are 10 years older than me, and that’s fine.)

Where should you put the dog: does this person enjoy the company of dogs ? If yes, then let the dog go wherever it wants to go. If your relative doesn’t like them or is scared of them, then yeah it might be better to put the dog in another room or outside (on the condition that your dog is used to being put outside, I don’t know anything about dogs so trust your own judgement)

Hope that helps !

- Sister Cat

Top text: tries to have a serious conversation with friend Bottom text: friend sends meme

All I wanted to do was explain my recent meltdown. All I got in response is a meme sent to me...

Hey can really intense bouts of crying be a a form of meltdown? Because like when a sudden change in plan or something small happens that is usually just an inconvenience happens a lot of the time I end up crying really intensely and I can’t stop?? And like the feeling that caused it is really overwhelming. But I know it’s not really a panic or anxiety attack, so since I’m autistic I was wondering if maybe they were forms of a meltdown or a shutdown??

Definitely! It’s actually a really effective form of meltdown as well, because emotional crying (as opposed to, say, tear production increase due to allergic reactions, etc) excretes huge amounts of stress hormones and significantly rebalances brain and body chemistry. If you get the weepies, let ‘em weep! Your body’s purging itself of stress in an extremely efficient way.

-Brother Cat

This is a follow-up. I remember the first time she told me that, I said "You won't turn out normal if you have a dad like that", and she just responded with "Of course he wasn't normal. There are lots of musicians who have autism." I tried to say that no autistic person could be able to be on a stage like how he did without getting into sensory overload, but she made comments about how Temple Grandin has been on stages. Then I said that those stages are less crowded and not as loud.

Sorry, this is my last follow-up. That same person once also said that Prince was also autistic and that "he was a lot like Michael Jackson". But unlike MJ, I couldn't find any source that listed him as autistic.

This might seem an odd question, but does your friend happen to be black? Because she could be scrounging for representation, and I wouldn’t be the least surprised - white people definitely take up the majority of Famous Autistics, both in the “currently alive, actually diagnosed autistic” category and in the “historical figure dead for decades/centuries but strongly believed to have been autistic” category. Googling “famous black autistics” only nets a handful of results.

The good news is that that number will necessarily increase over time. Bad news is, for now, it’s very much a take-what-you-can-get situation.

(Although I will say, your “no autistic person could be able to be on a stage like how he did” assessment is off; I used to really want to be a Big Musician, and the bigger the crowds and louder the music, the easier it was for me! It just felt so much less personal, and tbh I found all the vibrations from the loud music to be Very stimmy so I never had to deal with sensory overload on stage. Your Mileage May Vary, but nothing in the world is truly one-size-fits-all, not even those super stretchy tights that claim otherwise ;P )

-Brother Cat

I was at a seminar for work and this guy was doing his talk about functional optometry (looking if your eyes are healthy, not just sight) and he claimed autism wasn't something you're born with, but something that comes from eyesight problems and!! Surprise!! His glasses can fix it. 😂😂 It was super yikes and he got called out by other professionals on the spot, but damn, how ignorant can you be?

By any chance, was this about Irlen lenses ? I saw a documentary about those a few years ago and 😂 

As if glasses weren’t expensive enough, now we have to buy the miraculous autism cure glasses ? *eyeroll*

- Sister Cat

What are the different types of hyperfixation?

According to the coiner, @deathbecoming,

“Hyperfixation is a newly proposed umbrella term to describe special interests, hyperfocuses, perseverations and other intense ‘obsessions’ in those with developmental, learning or mental disabilities.”

I’m not sure there’s a list of all the different types, as the term is supposed to bring people together rather than divide us by diagnosis ! :)

- Sister Cat

Do a lot of other autistic people feel at a disadvantage when people are cross at us? It seems that when somebody is cross at me, if I then try to ask for clarification on what I should've done differently, they get even more cross because I'm apparently focussing on the individual details instead of the overall meaning. People seem to want me to magically have better social skills when they're cross with me, too.

I don’t know why it happens, but god, yes it does happen to me all the time !

And it’s the *worst*.

- Sister Cat