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#because if i wait? i will be too scared to post it
bumblesimagines · 2 days
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Imagine:
Getting the attention of Tashi and Art
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Request: Yes or No
Pronouns: He/Him/His, M!Reader
Happy pride month!! Let's see if the wifi will let me post this. More Art than Tashi cause I'm a sucker for pathetic blondes.
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His eyes tracked the ball back and forth, left to right, taking in the swings from both players. (Y/N) swung his racket, sending the ball back over the net. Art's eyes lingered on his face, taking in the knitted brow, serious look on his face. Sweat trickled down his forehead and temple from the heat and exertion, though he hardly had to try against Tashi. The ball flew by her before she could even get close to hitting it, her leg wobbling and threatening to give out from under her.
Art's throat tightened. "Tashi-"
"I'm fine!" She snapped, her knuckles whitening from her grip on the racket. Tashi's chest and shoulders lifted and lowered with her heavy pants, sweat similarly covering her features. She looked tense. Angry. Distraught. Tashi cursed under her breath and wiped her forehead with the back of her hand as she snatched her water from the ground and drank. Art turned back to the other player when he did similarly, taking his bottle from the bench and drinking before patting his neck and face dry a rag. 
"Hey," Art walked toward him, glancing over his shoulder at the girl. "She's still injured, man. Could you go easy on her?"
"She asked to play." (Y/N) reminded him gruffly, tossing the rag over his bag and arching a brow at him. Art swallowed thickly, eyes instinctively averting elsewhere. He hardly ever spoke with (Y/N). He'd been given enough warning to steer clear by his classmates but Tashi seemed determined to at least win one round. 
"I can't play against someone too scared to hurt me to play right." Tashi had told him when they arrived at the court that early afternoon. Art's gaze immediately snapped over to him. It always did. He couldn't help it. (Y/N) was as captivating and terrifying as Tashi. Quick, cutthroat, and with a glare that could stop hearts. Art remembered the first time he'd been held under that glare. He'd felt himself physically shrink back into a nonexistent shell like a damn turtle. "At least he'll take me seriously."
"If she hurts herself again-"
"That's her problem, sweetheart." Art inhaled deeply, nostrils flaring slightly as his words jabbed right into his lower stomach, a satisfying heat shooting up his spine. (Y/N) stared right at him, straight through him really, and the mixture of irritation, mockery, and apathy made Art look back at him with a glare. He cared about Tashi, so much so he'd been willing to wedge himself between her and Patrick. Patrick lost her and now, Art had a chance with the girl he'd been enthralled with.
"You don't always have to be a dick, you know?" Art meant to sneer, to sound assertive and angry, and he was. But holding eye contact with (Y/N) made his stomach twist, just like it had when he first laid eyes on Tashi and listened to her victory cheer. It was a breathtaking feeling, one that made his nerves jitter and his skin flush. 
A beat of silence followed and Art pressed his lips tightly together, waiting for some sort of reaction that'd land him a visit to the nurse. Instead, (Y/N) scoffed. "Get used to it, Donaldson. I won't baby you or your girlfriend just because you asked. If you have a problem-" (Y/N) leaned in, bumping the tips of their noses together and piercing into him with his eyes. "-cry about it."
"Hey," Tashi called out to them and Art's head snapped in her direction. She watched them, brow slightly arched and free hand bouncing a tennis ball until she had their full attention. "Come on. One more match." 
"No." (Y/N) exhaled heavily and leaned back, picking up his bag from the bench and stuffing the bottle inside. Art and Tashi looked back at him, questions forming on the tips of their tongue that (Y/N) dismissed with a simple roll of his neck and a few words. "You've bored me. I'll see you around."
Tashi blinked at him dumbfoundedly, the racket slipping from her grasp and legs moving to quickly walk after him as he made his way off the court. "The hell do you mean by that? I'm fine, I swear. I just need to train." She assured him, her long braid swinging back and forth with her rapid movements. The borderline desperation in her voice did little to slow him down and she grunted in annoyance, quickening her step into a brief jog to cut in front of him. "What is it? What did Art say to you?"
"Nothing, Duncan. He's worried about you, is all." (Y/N) shrugged. "Besides, another match like that and you would've hurt yourself. Cut your losses and move on."
"And how the hell am I supposed to do that?" Tashi sounded breathless, weak even. She hated it. She hated admitting she knew no matter how many doctors she visited, how many hours she trained to rebuild her strength and work on the court... she'd never go back to what it once was. Forced to retire before her career had even truly started all because of being too in her head during a match. "Tennis is all I know. I can't- I can't abandon it, not like this. Do you know how hard I've worked for this?" She can feel the tears pricking the back of her eyes, the fast beat of her heart, and trembling hands. It was overwhelming. It was infuriating. 
(Y/N) stared at her, his fingers holding onto the strap of his bag and rubbing into the rough fabric in thought. "I don't give a shit about anything you do, Tashi. You're not my friend, not my competition, or someone I even think about. But as a fellow player, I suggest becoming part of someone's team. Assistant coach, partner, whatever the hell you think suits you. But if you keep playing like this, you're going to fuck up your leg beyond repair. You always need a backup plan in sports."
Tashi crossed her arms and took a deep breath, tilting her head up toward the sky and nodding weakly. Her parents would support her regardless of what she chose to do but she knew, deep down she knew, that they'd always be disappointed she never reached her full potential. "Yeah," She exhaled softly. "Yeah, you're right."
"Always." She let out a breathy chuckle and rolled her eyes at his cocky tone, eyes trailing after him when he departed down the sidewalk in the direction of the locker rooms. He reminded her of Patrick, a better improved less annoying version at least. Or maybe he reminded her of herself. Tashi bit the inside of her cheek. The potential was far too great to ignore.
"Hey, you okay? How are you feeling?" Art's sweet voice filled her ears and she peered at him over her shoulder, spotting her belongings in his hand and that scrunched-up, worried look on his face. So dutiful, so warm. The perfect person to mend into whatever she wanted, whatever she needed. Her aching leg grounded her and she sighed. 
"I'm fine." She muttered. God, how many times had she uttered those words since the match? Everyone treated her like cracked glass ready to break at any given moment. She was stronger than that. Better than that. Why could nobody see that? "I'm... I'm gonna get some rest, Art. I'll see you tomorrow, 'kay?"
"Yeah, yeah, of course." Art nodded, his poofy curls bouncing off his forehead as he offered over her things and offered her a smile. "Want me to walk you back?" 
"No, it's alright." 
"Take care, Tashi." Art sighed quietly and watched her walk away, unable to stop himself from looking down at the brace wrapped tightly around her knee. Her limp had mostly disappeared, only noticeable if one looked for it, but he could tell Tashi wanted nothing more than to go back to how things were. If only she and Patrick hadn't argued that morning, if only he'd won the match and gotten her number instead. Did Patrick deserve it? Art tried not to be a sore loser or a shitty friend, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't a smidge glad to know he wouldn't be coming around anytime soon. 
Guilt crept in pretty quickly and he shoved his hands in his pocket, turning his sights on the locker rooms and heading toward them. He'd hardly played as much as the others, but his skin still felt sticky and dirty from the sweat he'd accumulated. Cool air greeted him when he stepped inside and he maneuvered his way around the halls and lockers, greeting familiar faces that exited with nods and smiles until he noticed the familiar figure stripping by one of the open lockers. Art averted his eyes at first and then slowly shifted them back to the tennis player. 
"Take a picture, Art," The blonde flinched, heat erupting in his neck and traveling rapidly throughout his body. (Y/N) peeled his shorts from his legs, head angled toward the younger guy, and lazy smirk only fueling Art's embarrassment. "It'll last longer." He tossed the shorts and boxers over his bag and stepped around the lockers, the familiar squeal of the shower handle turning echoing through the partially empty room. 
"I-" Art clamped his mouth shut and cleared his throat, bidding goodbye to the last of the guys in the locker room before he found his locker and began undressing. He retrieved a towel and placed it on one of the nearby sweats before stepping onto the cool tiled floor in the showers, sparing a glance at the player. "I wasn't... staring."
"You always stare." (Y/N) sighed, running a soapy hand over his shoulder and leaving a trail of foam behind that the cold droplets washed away. He tilted his head back, the water splashing against his chin and trickling down his throat. Art turned the handle, the cold water making him tense automatically but it soon gave way to relief when his warm skin cooled. He ran a hand through his curls, letting the water soak into them. 
"You don't mind, though." Art said quietly, finding a new surge of confidence. (Y/N)'s brow twitched, the corners of his lips curling and eyes fluttering open to look at him. He stared at him questioningly, prompting Art to clear his throat again. "You don't care about tennis but you still play because... because you like attention."
"Bold statement, Donaldson. Especially from you." (Y/N) laughed and stepped toward him, leaning in again and tilting his head, eyes finally bright with something other than indifference or irritation. Art's lips parted, soft breaths escaping him. Another step and they'd be close enough to kiss. "You'd do anything for Tashi's attention. Anything for my attention. And you'll never have either, not for as long as you want."
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rocksibblingsau · 2 days
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Love love love ur ideas!!!!
Do you have any more headcanons for Mount Rageon Branch or Adopted by Bergens Branch?
In Mount Rageon Branch, Velvet and Veneer are still a lil self absorbed and looking for the easy way out of things. They don't wanna do any hard work, meanwhile Branch is all about hard work and doing things for yourself.
Branch sees them fighting over wanting fame and it reminds him of his brothers, so he makes it his goal to help them realize their dreams AND remain close. Since they'd be training from childhood, they'd have a better shot at learning how to sing thanks to Branch.
I can't decide if they actually do end up good singers but if they do, Branch is their manager and there would be a moment where post BroZone reunion they see Branch managing and have JD flashbacks. Branch doesn't get bad like John did about controlling their image, but the sight of Branch taking charge and giving orders for show prep really reminds them of a less than happy time of their lives.
Branch: Alright guys, we're gonna open with 'Fame' and close with 'Watch Me Work'. No, wait. Open with 'Sweet Dreams' and close with 'Fame'. Now go out there and make Mount Rageous history! Bruce: Clay I hope you're also an EMT because I think I'm having a heart attack. Clay: I'm with you bro, this is disturbing to watch.
If they don't go the singing route, Branch helps them discover SOME sort of skill they can make it big with.
They don't call him 'Branch'. Velvet decided his name had to match theirs so they call him 'Vine'. They think it's a funny name since he's always on them 'like a vine'. Branch doesn't really care what they call him as long as they stop rubbing his hair trying to suck out his "singing magic".
When Velvet and Veneer found out about Bergens, her solution was "Just stay with us at all times. I'll hold onto you like the last designer handbag at a flash sale."
If they did encounter a Bergen, Velvet would hit them in the head with her purse that weighs 10 tons.
In Bergen Branch AU, Gristle is ironically the excitable kid while Branch can barely muster any enthusiasm for anything. Some people joke that it's like Gristle's a troll at heart and Branch a Bergen. Gristle doesn't go as apathetic and listless as he does in canon since I believe the catalyst was Gristle Sr telling him nothing would ever make him happy. Since in this AU he was given Branch, he was told that Branch would make him happy, so he still has hope.
When they're older, Branch is a sort of sarcastic adviser to Gristle. Everyone's kind of figured out that even if you can get one over on Gristle, the troll on his shoulder won't be fooled and he does NOT show mercy. Gristle also takes his opinion in pretty high regard about pretty much anything.
Branch also gets pretty comfortable with his concept of mortality and he makes jokes about being eaten by Bergens constantly.
Gristle: I got another letter asking if they can buy and eat you. Branch: At this rate I'd be tempted to tell you accept all of them and watch their faces fall when they realize fifty other Bergens also get a piece. Gristle: Branch. Branch: A peanut sized serving of grey troll. Gristle: Branch. Branch: That'd probably be the one thing that could make a Bergen more miserable than you already are, if that's possible. Gristle: Branch. I'm not selling you to get eaten by fifty different Bergens. Branch: You'd be doing me a mercy and ending my suffering.
Gristle: Branch I need you to help me with the audit. Branch: *lays on his palm* Eat me. Gristle: Later. For now you have to help me. Branch: F***. Branch: Is this how you derive joy? Making trolls do your paperwork? You're the only Bergen in the world who would make me do taxes instead of eating me. Gristle: You complain too much and it ruins my appetite. Branch: Has any troll ever not complained? Do you think on Trollstice we were all jumping for joy? 'Yippie! Death!' Gristle: I dunno, try it next time and we'll see if it works.
This trait scares and unnerves other trolls. Poppy asks him to stop once they befriend Bergens because she's worried they'll take offense and "They're our friends now, not troll-eating monsters. That's in the past."
"I'd like it to be in the present so I don't have to listen to another musical number."
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motherboardmania · 2 years
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hug!
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turtleblogatlast · 3 months
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Do you ship any of the turtles with anyone? or do you ship anything in rise at all?
(This ended up being a lot longer an answer than I intended hoo boy sorry about that)
Hmmm, I’m not too big a shipper tbh! Especially since I really enjoy canon interactions backing my ships, so it’s hard for me to actively like any that don’t really have that going for them. There’s plenty that I see around that I think are cute, but that’s usually the extent of my thought process for them.
For ships I more actively have, I guess I like AprilxSunita! They’re very very cute and I think they have some huge meet cute energy in their first episode together, and their chemistry is genuinely adorable (plus them being featured means more April screentime which is ALWAYS a good thing.)
I also think AprilxCasey (and when I say Casey I mean our OG girl) is really good, as I’m a sucker for enemies to lovers, and I think they have a lot in common and just bounce off each other very well (not to mention this ship in other iterations of TMNT has a loooooot going for it.)
Keeping the chain going, I think RaphxCasey (again, OG Casey) is also one with a tonnnnn of potential. They have a lot of common characteristics, and considering Raph’s whole thing with Franken-Foot, I really think there’s a lot of room there for a relationship to develop. Plus, like AprilxCasey, Raph and Casey tend to have a close relationship throughout the iterations of TMNT and it would be great to see that more with these two, even if not romantically.
Actually going back to enemies to lovers, I unironically think there’s a ton going for DonniexKendra. I know a lot of people hate this ship, but I don’t and I actually think it could very easily work whether in a love-hate way or a slow burn way. There’s a lot to like here and honestly they’re good together! Kendra is legit Donnie’s type too haha (cute, but mean.)
Lastly, SplinterxDraxum is good…when done right. I really like when people take it and don’t undermine the very real trauma that Splinter has gone through. As I’ve stated a lot, I love me some enemies to lovers, so I can see the potential here. Plus lbr Draxum was down BAD for Lou Jitsu when he first saw him haha.
I think that’s the extent to what I actively like? Everything else usually falls into “aw cute” or “ehhh not for me thanks”. And before you ask YES leosagi is cute and I’ll read fics with it if the premise is appealing, but I’m afraid I need some canon interactions to establish base character dynamics before I actively ship it alas.😔 Super cute though, no hate to it or any of the other CanonxCharacter-they’ve-never-met ships, I genuinely think people should just have fun! And for what it’s worth I really do wish we got a Usagi and Leo interaction in Rise like we have in other iterations.:(
So yeah. Overall, I have a few ships I enjoy, but I fall much more in the “prefer to keep everyone to themselves and make the focus family and friendship” category.
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spoopy-nevermore-dump · 11 months
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Hey pssst hey. Have you ever considered: Montada?
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I hate it, and it nearly killed my hyperfixation
But I understand my opinion on this may affect others, and many may be hurting from this episode soooooooooo
Art requests open
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skenpiel · 1 year
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@eebie DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the dance is from this video ♪(^∇^*)
#HI EEBIE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOL#i made this beccause i was listening to that penis song i sent you and i thought it sounded like a song gobou would use#also i wanted a dancing eeber gif ^___^#keep in mind i ummm. have only animated once before and that was years ago and very very very short#and also it was totally sketchy and stuff. as in it was just a sketch there was no lineart or colors or anything#and also csp apparently dosent let you export transparent animations!?!?!?!? and also it doesnt let you use more than 25 frames!?!?!?!?#its stupid. so i just made a gif on EZGIF.COM instead<333#which is why the edges look kinda. um. wack. sorry about that but maybe itll go away when this posts? i dunno but i doubt it#btw i think i have eeber poisoning or something. because i draw her all the time everywhere........#ive drawn her so many times in some stupid little sketchbook we have in our kitchen when i wait for stuff in tha microwave#her design is just sooooo. Yeah!!!!!!!!#anyway this took Ummm significantly longer than id hoped and my back hurts sooooobad#so im going to bed!!!!!!!! but anyways here u go babygirkl <333333#my art#oh and btw i only listened to the penis (eek!) song while drawing this and nothing else#just. the same penis song for hours on end#and i said i was gonna take abreak when i was done with the lines before i started coloring but 😀👍 i forfot#OH WAIY ONE LAST YBING. i got cery noticably lazy like halfway through so dontt look too close at the frames or youu might get scared 😨
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seaweedstarshine · 6 months
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Okay so The Star Beast was fun and I'm hyped for Wild Blue Yonder and everything but I am shattered over the new episode of Eleventh Doctor Chronicles.
Broken Hearts is some of the best dark!Doctor Expanded Universe exploration I ever consumed, and that includes The Eleventh Doctor Year Two comics. I am sobbing. I am in tears. I am broken as thoroughly as the Doctor broke Valerie Lockwood.
Me when I can't find any Broken Hearts/Curiosity Shop stan posts to reblog or fic to read to get out the angsty energy...
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(fic. I'm writing fic. and yes this is an open request for reading recs)
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hmmmm having angsty Lights Out thoughts
#i know when i post about it i usually make it Lighthearted if not outright Memey#but oh boy. this au is dark. like - like beyond the literal meaning#imagine being abandoned by your creators without so much as a warning#one day the lights go out and thats it. no answers. no comfort. no friendly faces or explanation#show's over. curtains closed. doors locked. they're all gone#it's just waiting in a pitch black room because surely the lights will turn back on. the next day will come#but it Won't. the next day won't come. it will never come. your friends won't open their eyes again. it's just you now.#you've always had company - friends and the comfort of feeling Watched Over by something beyond your understanding#but you blinked and its gone now. it's just you. no matter what you try or what you do - its. just. you.#days and weeks and moths and years of silence and a complete lack of color#burning matches down to your fingertips just to remember what shade of yellow your fleece is#its still wrong. firelight stains the color.#slowly forgetting the sound of your friends voices and what their smiles looked like and what the memories you made with them were#what was your best friends favorite joke? what was his hotdog order? how did he laugh? he used to pose for your paintings didnt he?#you can't be sure anymore. maybe the neighborhood was always dead. maybe You're dead. how can you tell?#you don't breathe. they don't either. they used to didn't they? you never did but they used to. ...right? you hope their dreams are sweet#one of your friends starts sleepwalking. you're so happy. she hurts you. you know she didnt mean it. you're scared anyway.#you can only see with one eye now. it feels... Wrong. all of your chalk drawings start coming out wrong too.#you keep missing when you reach for things. just one more thing to adjust to#were the lights ever on? or was that your own dream? you thought that was something you couldnt do.#you also thought the lights always come back. you were wrong about that. what else are you wrong about?#wh lights out au#wailing sobbing screaming etc over lights out wally... this poor little 12 apples dude...#aimlessly wandering through the town... walking through the buildings....#eventually getting so fucking lonely and desperate that you keep your best friend's severed arm for comfort#all you can do is protect your eternally sleeping friends from the Things crawling out of the shadows#mark another tally on the ground for each full circle the town clock's short hand completes#and wait for the day you fall asleep and join your friends dreams. it will happen someday.#you can feel it in the pitch seeping from your eyes and mouth. more with each decade that passes#just a little while longer. some more waiting. just you. in the dark.
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theloveinc · 6 months
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yandere!bakugo, essentially, TO ME, is just: "If you're good to someone, there's no reason they wouldn't love you. So i'll be good to them, even if it's by force."
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katyspersonal · 9 months
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#personal#internets#at this rate I've unfollowed both of the kinda.. 'controvercial' blogs I've been following#since there was a good chunk of actually good takes about how bad media is now and society and braindead internet 'activists' that-#-had it too good in their western countries and NEEDED to invent the reason to bully and excile people#could honestly resonate with it despite some other posts causing genuine pain. but mostly about terribly handled media#like you know that thing when corporations do terrible ass rep to pretend that they care for minorities#or artificially fabricate online backlash against their new actors to show investors that people show interest for their product because-#-of all the clicks on their article?#like discussion of this kind sorta keeps me sober#as a person with BPD I get contaminated by opinions VERY easily and as an autist I will believe everything if it is put together 'logically#that's why I HAVE to be exposed to every possible opinion so I am forced to make out my own rather than being swayed anywhere#but at this point those blog became kinda.. bad? like they don't just have 'opinions' but they hate just to hate#but now my dashboard and recs are full of exclusively things I can fully agree with and I am scared that it will rot my brain#like.. emotions are always the same. where is the 'wait WHAT' effect? where is anger? where is self-reflection?#but ALSO I realized that 'those' blogs are no better than those western 'warriors' I despise and they become narrow-minded too in the end#they advertise themselves as 'open to debate' only to always sway debate into trying to win and not into actually discovering the truth#I cannot trust any side because they're all narrow-minded and hostile but I cannot trust people without any side because-#-they're fence-sitters without morals that side with the winner#is there a secret third thing? like is there a way to not take a side but to still HAVE ideals and opinions?#my problem is that if I am not exposed to people that trash everything I value I forget why AM I valuing [a thing] to BEGIN with#and that won't do will it
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roachemoji · 5 months
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🤹
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girlcrushau · 3 months
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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there-will-be-a-way · 10 months
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Broke my almost four weeks streak of sobriety with beer on Saturday. Now I'm back to vodka 🙃 The good thing is that my social worker reassured me I can still go to the rehab clinic even if I do end up relapsing. There's the possibility to do a short term ditox right before rehab. So far the peeps in the day clinic don't know about my relaps. Or maybe they do know - because I had to do a urin test today. Haven't heard from them anyway. So if they know I'm gonna know on Wednesday. Oh well. Just glad I can still go to the rehab clinic because there my trauma will be treated - and rn I don't manage to stay sober without proper trauma therapy.
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squirmydonnie · 2 months
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My brain is such a mixed bag. It doesnt understand anything
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fathers day is this month how am i going to inflict psychic damage on myself
#snap chats#we were cute and sillay even for mothers day last month#but unfortunately i actually love my dad and i miss him so the possibility of doing something a lil moody is very real#i love how i always say i miss my dad as if hes dead. hes not dead hes just scared of my mom which. fair we all are LMAO#anyhow esp when im leaning towards doing something focused on jo since last month was more for arakawa...#i dont have anything in mind yet but i have the semblance of an idea... its budding but i dont have it refined in the dome...#because i also wanna see if i can do something for arakawa too so idk if i wanna knock out two birds with one stone for one comic#or make two separate posts (whether those are pics or comics idkidk)#i always really like to imagine quiet moments between jo and masato- however rare they might have been in canon#oh wait im gonna throw up what if i posted that prison comic on fathers day#if i dont get any ideas i just might.. unless i get too impatient and post it earlier ☠️#anyway this is just a promise i will be goofy on fathers day. except instead of Actual Goofy i might post something Cereal for once#nothing i say makes fucking sense unless you know my lexicon fucking 'cereal' is my Cute And Quirky way of saying serious#because Im Cute And Quirky alright moving on#Being Serious and Emotional isnt my forte. im very bad at doing both so i of course try to be funny instead#bu maybe this once..... the jo and masato feelins are strong this month......#its cause my moms giving me a harder time than usual so of course im just thinking of my dad more and Now We're Here#alright im finally gonna finish my comm then i might get to cooking bye
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thebleedingeffect · 2 months
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#okay I'm talking in the tags of this post cause shit is happening in my life and I gotta talk about it somewhere#one part of it is my step brother crashing and burning before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop his own destructive actions#so it's just me watching this poor kid ruin his relationships and blame everything and everyone around him as he does so#despite the fact that he's undeniably been treated horribly at times- he's just turned that anger back onto others and himself#and I have no idea what to feel as I watch him get arrested. have drug problems. because I'm just waiting for the inevitable spiral#it doesn't help that my mom has been comparing us and saying that I'm the much better child and she wishes he was like me#not understanding that I could’ve been him if I was just more angry at the world at that age instead of being so sad and scared#and that leads me to my fucking mom cause like- I love her. we've been through alot of bad shit with her#I've almost done some really bad shit for her and I know that she loves me more than anything else#but it feels like its been getting more and more suffocating cause I'm not sure she's able to start seeing me as an adult#and start loosening her grip around me and let me breathe. to have my own experiences without her by my side#to be able to go places and imagine a future without her constantly by my side#she talks and it's like she doesn't even think to wonder that perhaps I want to form my own experiences#and experience the world on my own terms because I feel like I've spent my whole life having so little damn control#religious family. shit and neglectful father who turned into the exact opposite and nearly killed me. family who refuses to listen and talk#having to move and run immediately. put survival above all else. go to school. get out. and god I just wanna breathe#she loves me so much and I love her too. but I feel like I'll be sooner crushed if I stick here for long enough#I'm just mad that my life has been nothing but absolutely no love. sudden waves of intense love. absolutely nothing. sudden spike#and I feel like I'm just finally starting to form good. healthy relationships on my own terms and actually make friends#because I had no idea what I was doing when I was a kid cause I was so fucking lonely and hurting#now I just. gotta figure out how to tell my mom that I can't carry this expectation that I'll continue to stay forever by her side#it just feels like I'm her child first and a person second. and it sucks. it really sucks.#ough. spins and spins and spins and spins-
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