#because i can't write about evil characters
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"Let's Have a Talk, First"- Stereotypes, pt 1
Come sit down. You and I, before we get into any of the things I'm sure you're impatient to know: we need to have a come to Jesus talk, first.
There are some things that I've been asked and seen that strengthens my belief that we need to have a reframing of the conversation on stereotypes in media away from something as simple as "how do I find the checklist of stereotypes to avoid". Because race- and therefore racial stereotypes- is a complex construct! Stands to reason then, that seeing, understanding, and avoiding it won't be that simple! I'm going to give you a couple pointers to (hopefully) help you rethink your approach to this topic, and therefore how to apply it when you're writing Black characters- and even when thinking about Black people!
Point #1: DEVELOP THE CHARACTER!! WRITE!!
Excuse my crude language, but let me be blunt: Black people- and therefore Black characters- will get angry at things, and occasionally make bad choices in the heat of the moment. Some of us like to fuck real nasty, some might be dominant in the bedroom, they may even be incredibly experienced! Others of us succumb to circumstance and make poor decisions that lead to crime.
None of those things inherently makes any of us angry Black women and threatening Black men, Jezebels and BBC Mandingos, and gangsters and thugs!
Black people are PEOPLE! Write us as such!
If all Black characters ever did was go outside, say "hi neighbor!" and walk back in the house, we'd be as boring as racist fans often accuse.
I say this because I feel I've seen advice that I feel makes people think writing a Black character that… Emotes negatively, or gets hurt by life and circumstance, or really enjoys hard sex, or really any scenario where they might "look bad" is the issue. I can tell many people think "well if I write that, then it's a stereotype" and to avoid the difficulty, they'll probably end up writing a flat Black character or not writing them at all. Or- and I've seen this too- they'll overcompensate in the other direction, which reveals that they 'wrote a different sort of Black person!' and it comes off just as awkwardly because it means you think that the Black people that do these things are 'bad'. And I hate that, because we're capable of depth, nuance, good, evil, adventure, world domination, all of it!
My point is, if you write your character like the human being they are, while taking care to recognize that you as the writer are not buying into stereotypes with your OWN messaging, you're fine. We have emotions, we have motivations and goals, we make decisions, and we make mistakes, just like anybody else. Write that! Develop your character!
POINT #2: YOU CAN'T CONTROL THE READERS!!
Okay. You can write the GREATEST Black character ever, full of depth, love, nuance, emotional range, all those things…. And people are still going to be racist about them. Sorry. There is absolutely nothing you can do to control a reader coming from that place of bias you sought to avoid. If it's not there, TRUST AND BELIEVE, it'll be projected onto them.
That passionate young Black woman who told the MC to get her head out of her ass? Yeah she's an angry Black bitch now, and bully to the sweet white MC. Maybe a lesbian mommy figure if they like her enough to "redeem" her. That Black gay male lead that treats his partner like he worships the ground he walks on? Yeah he's an abusive thug that needs to die now because he disagreed One Time with his white partner. That Black trans woman who happened to be competing against the white MC, in a story where the white MC makes comparable choices? Ohhhh they're gonna be VILE about that poor woman.
It really hurts- most especially as a Black fan and writer- knowing that you have something amazing to offer (as a person and creative) and people are gonna spit on that and call it "preference". That they can project themselves onto white characters no matter what, but if you project your experiences onto black characters, it's "pandering", "self insert", "woke", "annoying", "boring", and other foul things we've all gotten comments of.
But expect that it's gonna happen when you write a Black character, again, especially if you're a Black writer. If you're not Black, it won't hurt as personally, but it will probably come as a shock when you put so much effort in to create a lovely character and people are just ass about them. Unfortunately, that is the climate of fandom we currently exist in.
My favorite example is of Louis De Pointe Du Lac from AMC's Interview With The Vampire. Louis is actually one of the best depictions of the existential horror that is being Black in a racist White world I have ever seen written by mostly nonblack people. It was timeless; I related to every single source of racist pain he experienced.
People were HORRIFIC about Louis.
It didn't matter that he was well written and what he symbolized; many white viewers did NOT LIKE this man. There's a level of empathy and understanding that Black characters in particular don't receive in comparison to white counterparts, and that's due to many of those stereotypes and systemic biases I'm going to talk about.
My point is, recognize that while yes, you as the author have a duty to write a character thoughtfully as you can, it's not going to stop the response of the ignorant. Writing seeking to get everyone to understand what you were trying to do… Sisyphean effort. It's better to focus on knowing that YOU wrote something good, that YOU did not write the stereotype that those people are determined to see.
POINT #3: WHY is something a stereotype?
While there are lists of stereotypes against Black people in media and life that can be found, I would appreciate if people stopped approaching it as just a list of things you can check off to avoid. You can know what the stereotypes are, sure, but if you don't understand WHY they're a problem and how they play into perception of us, you'll either end up writing a flat character trying to avoid that list, or you're going to write other things related to that stereotype because "oh its not item #1"... and it'll still be racist.
For example: if you wrote a "sassy Black woman" that does a z formation neck rotation just because a store manager asked her something… that's probably stereotype. If you thought of a character that needed to be "loudmouthed", "sassy", and "strong" and a dark-skinned black woman was automatically what fit the profile in your mind, ding ding ding! THAT'S where you need to catch your racist biases.
But a dark-skinned Black woman character cursing out a store manager because she's had a really bad, stressful day and their attitude towards her pushed her over the edge may be in the wrong, but she's not an "angry Black woman". She's a Black woman that's angry! And if you wrote the day she had to be as bad as would drive anyone to overstimulation and anxiety, the blow up will make sense! The development and writing behind her led to this logical point (which connects to point #1!)
I'm not going to provide a truly exhaustive list of Black stereotypes in media because that would ACTUALLY be worth a college credited class and I do this for free lmao. But I am going to provide some classic examples that can get y'all started on your own research.
POINT #4: WATCH BLACK NARRATIVES!
As always, I'm gonna push supporting Black creators, because that's the best way to see the range of what you'd like. You want to see Black villains? We got those! Black heroes? Black antiheroes? Assholes, lovers, comedians, depressed, criminals, kings, and more? They exist! You can get inspired by watching those movies and reading those books, see how WE depict us!
I've seen mixed reviews on it, BUT- I personally really enjoyed Swarm, because it was one of the first times I'd ever seen that "unhinged obsessed murderous Black fan girl" concept. Tumblr usually loves that shit lmao. Even the "bites you bites you bites you [thing I love]" thing was there. And she liked girls, too. Just saying. I thought it was a fun idea that I'd love to see more of. Y'all gotta give us a chance to be in these roles, to tell these tales. We can do it too, and you'd enjoy it if you tried to understand it!
POINT#5: You are NOT Black!
This is obvious lmao, but if you're not Black, there's no need to pretend. There's no need to think "oh well I have to get a 100% perfect depiction of the Black person's mind". That's… That's gonna look cringe, at its best. You don't have to do that in order to avoid stereotypes. You're not going to be able to catch every nuance because it's not your lived experience, nor is it the societally enforced culture. Just… Do what you can, and if you feel like it's coming off hokey… Maybe consider if you want to continue this way lol. If you know of any Black beta readers or sensitivity reviewers, that'd be a good time to check in!
For example, if your Black character is talking about "what's good my homie" and there's absolutely no reason for him to be speaking that way other than to indicate that he's Black… 😬 I can't stop you but… Are you sure?
An egregious example of a TERRIBLE way to write a Black character is the "What If: Miles Morales/Thor" comic. I want to emphasize the lack of good Black character design involved in some of these PROFESSIONAL art spaces, because that MARVEL comic PASSED QA!! That comic went past NUMEROUS sets of eyes and was APPROVED!! IT GOT RELEASED!! NO ONE STOPPED IT!!
I'm sorry, it was just so racist-ly bad that it was hilarious. Like you couldn't make that shit up.
Anyway, unfortunately that's how some of y'all sound trying to write AAVE. I promise that we speak the Queen's English too lmao. If you're worried you won't get it right, just use the standard form of English. It's fine! Personally, I'd much rather you do that than try to 'decode AAVE' if you don't know how to use it.
My point is, if you're actively "forcing" yourself to "think Black"… maybe you need to stand down and reconsider your approach lmao. This is why understanding the stereotypes and social environment behind them will help you write better, because you can incorporate that Blackness- without having to verbally "emphasize how Black this is"- into their character, motivations, and actions.
Conclusion
We need to reconsider how we approach the concepts of stereotypes when writing our Black characters. The goal is not to cross off a checklist of things to avoid per se, but to understand WHY we have to develop our Black characters well enough to avoid incorporating them into our writing. Give your Black characters substance- we're human beings! We have motivations and fears and desires! We're not perfect, but we're not inherently flawed because of our race. That's what makes the difference!
And as always, and really in particular for this topic, it's the thought that counts, but the action that delivers!
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Corrupted Gale or Me not liking his evil route in the game
Just saw this amazing Gale piece
And it gots me thinking, that I kinda do not like the 'evil' route for Gale. Let's start with I LOVE GALE! MY LOVE FOR GALE WILL TRANSEND TIME AND KICK MYSTRA RIGHT IN HER MAGIC.
Yes, art and evil Gale. I want not apowerhungry Gale but a magic comsumer Gale with a potential to go into fullblown corruption. Like a vampire but with magic, like a barbarian rage. If you consume a magic item you can power yourself.
The draw to it that the more you consume the more he chages. How with itilid larvae. I bet there is a monster in dnd that consumes magic and to which Gale can turn into.
And after getting the crown, he wouldn't become a God but a God-like powerful being that survives by sucking all the magic out of things. Next i'll go into shipping territory, don't mind me...he he ^^''
Astarion will let Gale indulge himself in magic when Gale will let Astarion indule himself in Gale's blood... if we change the orb we can like change that his blood is corrupted >.>
You know that in Astarion's story he does the ritual to became a true vampire? Gale uses that to enhance his own powers and with Astarion making vampire spawns, Corrupted Gale changes them slightly so they could walk under the sun but they need to consume magic now and we get A POWERFUL BBEG GAY COUPLE WITH AN ARMY OF VAMPIRE AND MAGIC VAMPIRE SPAWNS. And it's like for the campaign where in region all magic became very sparse and magic users suddenly began loosing their powers because something somewhere consumes it. With the experementation on vamp spaws Gale and Astarion create a more happy vampire spawns that can go out on the sun. But some spawns will stay as normal vampires because it's good to have different guards for the happy bbeg powercouple uwu
PS: I'M NOT SAYING THAT GAYS ARE EVIL! I'M GAY(PAN) AND I VIBE WITH THE IDEA OF POWERFUL GAYS RUNNING THE WORLD AND MAKING IT GREAT FOR THEMSELVES AND THEIR KIDS!!!
#baulders gate 3#bg3#gale#astarion#starian#dnd#ideas#corruption#if you wanna use that idea please do it#because i can't write about evil characters#i would love to see that too#anything you do#corrupted gale#ascended astarion#bbeg#dnd campaign#please say that i'm not crazy and it sounds nice
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longtime dc fan and i think a lot of people are angry because alex is obviously one of the most culturally relevant instances of misogyny in media. that being said being more culturally relevant doesn’t mean it’s the worst instance of misogyny and i think bumble definitely experiences more profound misogyny in the way the actual content is presented, if that makes sense
I get you, and that's a charitable way of looking at it.
I think what's rustling my jimmies is that like, there was a couple of WC fans being mildly dismissive of Alex in that note minefield, after dozens of comments of "fuck you how could you let the fridge woman lose" and "Bumble didn't deserve to win ANY rounds" and "how could A CAT experience misogyny." But then WE get blamed for the toxicity because THEY were butthurt that the Funny Cat People have the 'audacity' to win something they feel entitled to.
Like, we've gotta be endlessly charitable as we get openly insulted because they're upset about Alex losing, a very well-known and culturally relevant character with a legacy so massive we have a whole term named after her. But condemnations of "She's just a cat, letting WC into this poll was a mistake, Bumble can't even be a victim of misogyny" only started coming around once I started talking about it.
as if it's OUR fault people got passive-aggressive or even OPENLY aggressive towards us, and that we're "just as bad" for retaliating
But like you said, it's not a "Most Culturally Relevant Misogyny" tournament, it's a "Canon Misogyny Victims" tournament. And you're not even supposed to give a shit that Bumble died. The fat, woman abuse victim is beaten to death by a dictator, and your takeaway is meant to be, "It's so sad that Clear Sky is being blamed for murdering her, now they're all preparing for self-defense against a homicidal maniac, oh nooo :("
And I think that DOES make her deserve the win here! Alex is a MARTYR. Everyone with a brain agrees what happens to her is bad. It happened in her canon because it was bad. We talk about her and keep her memory alive. Bumble gets dismissed entirely out of hand because she's "just a cat in a kid's book" as if that doesn't make it worse, and as if the kid's book didn't treat a domestic abuse survivor like a moron for even asking for help.
Anyway, just to reiterate, I love DC fans. It's not all of you guys. Alex was done dirty and deserves justice-- and it's even kind of a shame that all she became is "The Fridge Woman." I haven't even heard people talk about how she was a wary, responsible person who was still ready to rock with Kyle's new weird glowstick powers, or that she was a journalist, or that she just got brought back in another edition as a Green Lantern only to be revealed as an illusion and re-absorbed back into Kyle's mind. Nope. Even her fans just remember her as The Fridge Woman.
#She wasn't even ONLY brought back as a green lantern btw she also came back as....#full disclosure I'm not a DC fan this is from My Best Friend + Wiki Education#...as a cool ass evil zombie black lantern#Only for Kyle to have to put her down like Old Yeller#Because he can't handle her Zomgirl Swag#How cunty of me would it be actually if. IF. Bumble sweeps the whole tournament and I go back and write whole essays for--#how each one of her opponents were worthy adversaries and explain exactly how deep the misogyny of canon went against them#Bones ''King of Women Appreciation'' Fall#Especially Chichi actually. If it had been Alex vs Chichi I would have gone to bat for Chichi.#Chichi was done dirtier than Alex. And also I would go PRETTY hard for my girl Android 18#And ACTUALLY? One of the WORST victims of DB's misogyny? Don't @ me? Gine. Goku's mom#Behold my race of evil monkey space soldiers and how their violent nature has been exploited by a galactic capitalist dictator#Look at how in-depth I go to suggest them overcoming their battle-centric nature and show how in a different context this can be--#--applied for heroic ends#Watch the death of my main character's father and show how his last thought was comforted only by visions of how his son would one day--#overcome the dictator and avenge his death#Only for that to have been subverted because Goku didn't actually give a shit about revenge. Frieza simply threatened his friends.#NEVERMIND!! HIS MOM COULDN'T HAVE BEEN BLOODTHIRSTY BECAUSE SHE'S WOMAN#HOW CAN YOU FEEL BAD FOR THE DEATH OF A WOMAN. A WHOLE PLANET. IF HER HUSBAND DOESN'T LOVE HER AND SHE ISN'T A PERFECT LOVING MOTHER#SHUT UP SHUT UP. GINE KILL THIS MAN#10000 GUNS IN GINE'S HANDS#ouuugh and her husband saved her sooo many times on their expeditions because she sucks and thats why they fell in love :) PERISH. DIE#BAD TORIYAMA. BAD.#JAIL FOR TORIYAMA 10000 YEARS#And Saiyans apparently didn't even really develop romantic bonds between mates but nuuuuh#Gotta have these two be a perfect husbandwife pair with their little nuclear family#Anyway. Aromantic Vegeta with Bulma as QPR partner and coparent be upon ye#stop teasing me by retconning romantic feelings into ur aromantic alien species to ship them im a shaking chihuahua.#also ur all lucky we're not going to be facing Sakura in the next round guys#Sakura is my fucking white whale
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i was doing my regular rewatch the other day and tbh... lonnie and will's relationship is so unsettling. lonnie literally did not give a single goddamn fuck that his own twelve year old son was missing and later "dead". he just... did not fucking care! at all. couldn't even pretend to. jonathan comes to tell him what happened and we see that...
lonnie got joyce's call and still didn't care to reach out,
when jonathan tells him this is serious and real, he mocks will by saying "he was never very good at taking care of himself" (which is already disturbing considering this is his son he's talking about, but especially so when you remember that lonnie abused will for being gay and tried to get him to like "masculine" things),
he's already talking to jonathan about seeing him more and reconnecting, like will isn't fucking missing, like he's already fucking dead and he's moved on, as if will is some stranger or worse someone that never existed at all,
instead of feeling any kind of shame about jonathan not believing him when he says will isn't there and him looking in the actual fucking trunk of his car, he just makes a joke out of it asking if jonathan's gonna check up his ass too,
his neglect is brought up again when jonathan slams one of the posters to his chest and tells him "in case you forgot what he looks like",
and that's not even touching on the fact that the very first thing we see lonnie do when jonathan enters the house is fucking shove and pin him to the wall, telling him "you got stronger".
like, he is not a good man in the slightest—the complete antithesis of the byers we know.
and then afterward... lonnie finally decides to come back. he's being nice to joyce and pretending like he's the man of the house again. like he's finally come home to fix and save his family.
he goes to will's funeral and treats it like a schmoozing event, like that isn't his youngest son being buried right in front of him, showing less emotion than one of will's classmates that hasn't ever even talked to him.
but... he's not there because he's had a sudden change of heart.
no, he's there because he has something to gain out of this unimaginable tragedy. his own youngest son is dead and he comes back home to collect a fucking check for it. because he's never cared about will, hasn't ever even seen him as a human being, he just... sees his death as something he can benefit from.
it's just so fucked up and so sinister. lonnie isn't a man riddled with vices, beholden to some disease which makes him act in ways most unbecoming. no, he's... just a man. a small, manipulative, and cruel leech of a man that just doesn't fucking care and is in it only for himself.
it's just... it's really tragic to think that will really was dealing with monsters way before that first demogorgon ever came through the gate.
and even then... that demogorgon was an animal acting as animals do / possessed by vecna and you can't really blame it for that. but what's lonnie's excuse, huh?
#like. hashtag felt lmao#a lot of ppl write lonnie as an alcoholic and i feel like ... lonnie just being a bad person because he Is a bad person without the help of#any vices is just... so much more terrifying and painful.#because then it's just lonnie. just a man who doesn't care about his son. a man who views his baby boy as less than a bug. a man who#doesn't care or hold any affection in his heart because he just simply does not fucking want to or care to. he doesn't care if will is in#danger. he doesn't care if will is dead at the bottom of the quarry. he doesn't care not because he's drunk or high but just.. because.#he couldn't turn will into what he thinks is a proper man so in his mind he's thinking well.. if i can't get anything out of him like that#then i'm at least gonna get my money's worth with this wrongful death case.#a man making the choice to be evil. to inflict pain purposely. for no gain whatso-fucking-ever.#bc at least vecna does it to gain more power to achieve world domination. but lonnie is just a piece of shit that abuses kids.#water is wet lmao but... i feel like stranger things manages to be so fucking dark sometimes and yet it just... it's treated so normally#that you almost don't even notice it. bc ur just viewing this story from the perspective of a character and for them it IS normal#i just. yeah. idk. Thinking Thotz Over Here#it's so fucked up when u stop to think abt it lmao like. if will doesn't get his happy ending bro.......#abuse tw#byers#lonnie#mine
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I watched an mdzs animatic with a song from wicked, and something in my mind finally clicked and now I want to scream about how similar my current and my past hyperfixations are.
"Good news, the witch is dead!" like
"No good deeds" is such a "character pushed to their limits" song. Imagine it before the nightless city. The first scream, as Wen Ning and Wen Qing walk away. The chanting as he lies there, unable to move, praying for them to be well. Memories of people he loves: Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, Lan Zhan, the Wen siblings.
"Was I really seeking good, or just seeking attention?" -- as he looks at the burial mounds and leaves.
"If I cannot succeed, Fiero, saving you, I promise no good deed will I attempt to do again." -- as he learns about Wen Qing and Wen Ning's death.
Ending with him arriving at Nightless city and pulling out the flute.
I want to see it animated so much!
My skills are so annoyingly not up to the task. Maybe if my hyperfixation survives long enough that I learn drawing and animating things well? It'll be the third mdzs animatic I really wish to do one day. Maybe one day.
#mdzs#wicked#my tastes do never change. all my favourite stories seem to have “dark evil” characters that are actually good#I am obsessed with this okay#mdzs did what I love about such stories the best tho. it's perfection. i love it so much oh my god#wicked has the advantage of being a musical. tho I have 60+ mdzs animatics saved so by now I arguably consume it as a musical.#maybe one day I'll write a comprehensive list of all animatics I've ever came across#wicked also has a slight advantage of the word “witch” being used. it is a fun word that makes me feel thing#it was what I was called in school#because I was weird and autistic#and wasn't afraid of blood and drew weird runes and made weird rituals I called “magic” that were rumored to actually work#because one day a boy annoyed me. I made weird hand gestures. and he immediately got hit by snow falling from the roof#i swear like five people from my class confessed they were scared of me#and later my uni teacher. she confessed there were rumors going around among teachers about how scary and terrible a student I was#I still can't get over this it's so funny. imagine being this annoying and weird. it's hilarious.#so yep. my love to stories about characters the are deemed “evil” by the world runs very deep#I love them so so so much ahah#now I just need to learn drawing and do my love some justice
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I'm in the kind of mood where I see a story have its villain talk about how the system is fundamentally bad and needs to be destroyed and I stsrt screaming and crying and tearing my hair out because the author accidentally made the good guy the antagonist when I want them to win and the protagonist to die
#this is about wildbow writing.#he needs to go back to his villain protagonists#at least then I can pretend their painful liberalism levels are intended as part of the problem#I like the world and characters of pale but its politics hurt me#and the plot is so wrapped up in those politics it's getting hard to read even knowing it's almost over#I read what was supposed to be a big climactic chapter and I just Did Not Care#because I keep thinking about how I'm supposed to agree with the protagonists siding with violent feudalistic slavers#so long as it's to stop a guy who things those guys and the system that creates them are bad but he's too violent over it#like don't get me wrong the guy in question is fucked up and evil but. mr john wildbow you chose to make him that way#you didn't have to portray your radical character as an anprim accelerationist while loves child soldiers but you sure did#parahumans#pale#I almost said this on reddit but then I think Wildbow himself might argue with me and I can't be assed to deal with that
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At this point, I honestly do think that Angel and Angelus are the same person (I'll probably make a more detailed post about all this later).
Like, the whole Angel/Angelus debacle--and us fans asking whether they're the same person or not--is because the show first tells us that a vampire is not the human person left behind with a demon in them: instead, the demon takes over the human's body--almost possesses them, if you will--and may have the memories and even the personality of the person they inhabited, but really isn't that human and has nothing to do with them at all.
But later on, things in the show (like how Spike was handled) make fans begin to question this.
So fans then usually come up with the idea that the Watcher's Council was wrong in telling us this first thing that we heard. Or moreover, that that's probably what they want their Slayers to believe, for obvious reasons. But really, vampires are the person they once were, they just have a demon in them now and no soul/conscience.
Like I said: I might get into all of that in another post. But like a lot of fans have come up with, I do now think that Angel/Angelus are the same person, and that Angelus sort of developed split personalities.
And fanfic writers usually give the following reason for this, if they also buy into this idea.
That when Angelus' soul was restored to him--and all the Catholic teachings he believed in and adhered to as a human--he couldn't deal with it, so came up with the idea that it wasn't really him (and in some ways, it wasn't. Because with a soul/conscience and without the demon, he never would have done that stuff). It was the demon. And thus the Angelus and Angel split was born.
I think another idea similar to that (I don't know if I've seen it in fanfiction, though maybe I have) is that when Angelus' conscience is returned to him, he can't handle all of the horrible things that he did--the mind can only deal with so much, after all--and so in order to protect itself, it comes up with the idea it wasn't truly him--and the Angelus and Angel split is born.
But one thing I feel like I've never seen anyone mention (that I was having a discussion about with a friend once)... is the possibility is that the Romani curse itself could have been responsible for the split. Or at least partly responsible for it. Because there's the loophole in the curse, that after Angel gets his soul back, he'll lose it again if he ever knows a moment of true happiness. But doesn't this make it so there will always be a monstrous version of himself that he can turn back into? It almost makes it sound like to me that the conditions of the curse make it so that "Angelus" can never be rehabilitated, even if he got a chip or whatever like Spike did, so there would always be evil for Angel to turn back into, if he had his moment of true happiness, all so the Romani could have their revenge that way. Does that make sense to anyone else, or am I just crazy? ^_^'
#buffy the vampire slayer#long post#angel#angelus#angel(us)#also. i think the real reason for the inconsistent soul writing is (a)the writers didn't have it all figured out from the get-go and made#it up as they went along. and thus there are plotholes#and/or (b) they sometimes didn't care about the soul rules if better character writing could come out of it. so they just did whatever#and i'm not condoning them for that. at the end of the day i'd better have good character writing over consistent lore#like i said. i might make a bigger post about all of this someday#but they def didn't have all of this planned out at first. they didn't even know angel WAS a vampire at first. they thought he'd be a legit#angel. lol#but like... at this point. i just see too many similarities between angel and angelus to see them as different characters#and i think even in s2 we were supposed to see them as the same character (i think writing in later seasons changed this though like as4)#but notice how in bs2 that even when angel has turned evil the scooby gang still calls him angel#i think the tie-in novels (though if you want to see them as canon or not is up to you) has a somewhat similar belief#and in s3 buffy saying things like 'i know everything that you did because you did it to me. god i wish that i wish you did. but i don't#i can't' makes me think this is right. note that she doesn't say 'i know everything that ANGELUS did. because he did it to me' or anything#like that. it's 'you'#i know this might be an unpopular opinion among my fellow bangels though. and i can get why#but to me. this is what i think canon was trying to say. but if you don't agree that's totally totally fine#and i still think you can't really pin angelus' sins onto angel. and i get why buffy thinks that too#but also get why angel thinks he needs to make amends for them#but once again. the lore IS inconsistent. so there may be no real answer here. or we may get different answers. or more than one
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Headcanons for having the painter as a friend and innocently not knowing what he does? (if they were able to not be scared of his appearance lmao)
YESSSS FINALLY AN EXCUSE TO TALK ABOUT PAINTER TRYING TO BE NORMAL.. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REQUEST ANON!!
anyways :)
warning(s): manipulation, implied bullying, disregard for the life of a friend, at this point painter is his own warning, uhhhh. excessive rambling about insane philosophies
hcs are under the cut!!
painter isn't really used to having friends (at least, friends that don't smack him around all the time or friends without benefits), so i imagine he'd be. a little bit awkward
at first he probably thinks you do know and are trying to do something about it (after all, who wouldn't recognize his face?), but after eventually realizing that you're genuinely clueless he sees. a bit of an opportunity
his first train of thought regarding where to take his friendship with you involves manipulating you into becoming an accomplice, and his plan b for if that doesn't work involves. well. just straight-up murdering you LOL
after all, if he can't be his true self around someone, if they can't understand his artistic vision or his methods of achieving such, then what's the point?
until he can figure out which course of action to take, though, he puts on a facade of sorts, just to get you used to being around him and endear you to him even further
he intentionally plays up that beginning awkwardness even after it's subsided, trying to make himself seem shy and self-conscious in order to take advantage of the sympathy/pity one would typically feel for someone like that
in addition, he probably talks a lot about his art, the creative process, and just... visual art in general; maybe even certain milder philosophical ideas he holds regarding finding beauty in the grotesque and romanticizing one's own suffering, albeit disguised in a manner that makes it look more like he's trying to cope with something than anything else
if you're really lucky, he might even show you some of his artwork!! probably not much of it (he's still trying to feign low self-esteem, after all), but maybe some of the more "accessible" stuff as far as mainstream goes, e.g, floating jackie or carla's teeth (maybe)
expect him to apologize for rambling or being too verbose a lot... really, expect him to apologize for almost everything he does LMAO; he's really trying to make himself seem like a nervous wreck
to you, it seems glaringly obvious that he's never had a real friend before, and while it's sad, it's almost.. endearing, in a way! you're determined to help him improve his self-worth, and even if he might look a little unusual, that's no reason for him to be a social pariah! after all, he's well-meaning... right?
#this is the answer (ooc)#this is the answer#these are the headcanons#this is the writing#x reader#🖌#urbanspook#the painter urbanspook#urbanspook analog horror#every time i write about this guy he just gets worse and worse doesnt he#im so sorry i feel rlly bad because sometimes i think people expect like. legitimate wholesome scenarios#and then i'm just like ''but what if EVIL''#im so sorry im just trying to write them in-character and i just. can't imagine them having a healthy relationship with anyone ever#ESPECIALLY not painter LMAO#he's just. the worst ever#irredeemable. evil man. evil.#(i still love him anyways <3)
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-. bro... i'm... bro this draft thing is actually working BRO- hehe~
#;ooc#;tbd#not kidding i'm? i mean i've got still A WHOLE lot left to write very many lmao BUT I'M ACTUALLY WRITING nobody move lest we break the spel#i'm also reading the picture of dorian gray finally and lmao it's? bro it's genuinely funny sometimes#every time lord henry opens his nASTY NASTY mouth he says something that makes me lose my wits he's hilarious#he can't possibly be serious ALAS ALAS i want to hurt him#i can't explain him he's obviously like... the worst he's a scumbag lmao but the way he loves himself is hilarious to me#when dorian walks in 'so about this actress' i am OBSESSED with the way he seems more obsessed with her work than her as a person#when he speaks of her as the character she's portraying that evening i get so violent because i love it#her brother is So Right btw pls don't leave come back we need you#also i read there's murder in this? i gasped and swooned i LOVE murder#DEADASS I?? I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS BOOK MAKES ME GIGGLE IN EVIL GLEE#i can't WAIT for it to all go awfully to hell YES#anyways i'm proud of what i wrote just now so i'm taking another break and making mself another cuppa~#when i'm back i wanna write something for Calista & Sarang so LYNNIE IF YOU SEE THIS HELLO LUV U~#tschüssie~
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Looking back on the time I felt so guilty because the female characters of any show were never my unchallenged favourites, and I didn't identify myself with them.
Like, I still loved them! Samantha Carter from Stargate, my beloved. Teyla kicks ass. Leia Organa, girl, your hairstlye is either the next big trend or a fashion disaster. Also you kick ass AND get a love interest that doesn't reduce you to being the girl™.
But yeah, I never identified with them, and I thought for the longest time that I was doing feminism wrong. As a girl, I must have wanted to be like those women, right???
However, turns out I was just doing 'being a girl' wrong. Because I wasn't a girl. And I projected onto the guys because I wanted to be a guy.
#Also there's an argument to be made about how with the sheer number of guy characters it's easier to find one to project onto#And also the writing and all that which at least in SG-1 was... clunky in the beginning#Anyway I really beat myself up over this which is silly at best#Because like. I did like the female characters! There wasn't even really anything to unpack about misogyny in that#Though to be fair there is always something to unpack when you grow up in a society#Anyway if you think that you're evil incarnate for liking a character over another: you're not#Try to unpack any resentments you have towards female characters if it's a pattern though please#If you would like the character if they were male but don't when they're female that's a problem#Anyway#Just trans things I guess#Also like. This doesn't mean that guys can't project onto female characters.#But I think when you're always being told that you're a girl when you're not then that makes it a little more difficult#Why are these tags so long#Anyway bye
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if i had a nickel every time a main character in an american produced animated tv show gets possessed or corrupted in the last 10 years i would have 75 cents 😭
girl what is up with that... like steven universe, gravity falls, rottmnt, star vs, over the garden wall, voltron, owl house, amphibia, avatar the last airbender, adventure time, kipo, dragon prince, she-ra, ok ko, probably way more than that too 😭😭
tapping on the glass tank where they keep all their tv animation writers HELLOOOOOO are y'all ok?? 😭😭
#hipp speaks#cartoonblr#idk what to tag this either cuz it's just a weird thing i've noticed from 10 years of watching cartoons#do i tag it owl house cuz i just HAPPEN to mention the owl house#idfk...#been thinking about this since the toh s3 premiere#like those posts about haha 3 characters possessed by an evil powerful entity the trifecta is complete#girl it screams of either poor writing (which i doubt because the shows are extremely well done)#or of dickney/general entertainment execs going mmmm good character can't become bad guy over the entire story
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there's two wolves inside me
1 - If Sectonia were to go through a redemption arc I think Dedede would be hesitant to actually accept it but I feel like he would because he wasn't a good king at one point either and if he can get better maybe this evil queen would be able to as well. so in the end he would accept it except Sectonia would be on thin ice
2 - Sectonia and Dedede meet again and start out with a decent conversation mainly pushed by Taranza and Bandee talking while Sectonia and King Dedede glare at each other, then Taranaza and Bandee leave for a second. to do...something... and then they walk back and King Dedede and sectonia are beating each other up like Dedede is punching, Sectonia is clawing him you know. I don't particularly know why this would happen except from Dedede being scared of Sectonia but then idk why she'd attack him back if thats the case. - this idea is significantly out of character imo but its funny
yeah...
#sage speaks#kirby posting#1 is more deep and in character probably#2 is less in character imo unless you see dedede as this angry guy with a hair on temper...which i dont.#also sectonia would still have to be a bit in the second mean case#or idk dedede just says something small wrong and it just goes from there...#but honestly i can't see dedede denying someone a redemption because well he got a redemption and... if he can change so can someone else#maybe#i mean it works especially in sectonias case since she's an evil ruler MEANT to be almost a foil to dedede#shes a representation of what could've happened if he kept being bad#eeeeee aaaaa i could talk about tdx for ages#i love seeing my phone be like these aren't real words when i write a kirby character's name
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Reading 3H fanfic, I've learnt to save my kudos until the very end. You never know when you're going to get blindsided by a bad take about Rhea/the church.
lol
Usually every fanfic with the Tru Piss premise or with Supreme Leader/Billy pairing is a huge red flag, even if Rhea's tagged in it you just know, if you like the character, that she will be bad in it.
Maybe I'm judging the book by its cover though.
Also, I've noticed people use more and more the "evil rhea" tag, and I love it because it spares you from clicking on that fic, but also, because it reminds of the days of FF.net when people would write OOC to explain what was the content of their fic.
It isn't much, and as always, everyone can write whatever they want in their fics, but even if the Ao3 tagging system is kind of nice, I'm too used to FF.net where people would only tag/mention the character if the piece they were writing primarly focused on them - with Ao3 tagging system I noticed people tend to tag all characters who appear in a story, even if their role is minimal or just in the background.
And I still want to believe that if someone were to write a fic, tagging it with "Rhea" because she's the main character or because the fic is centered on her character/develops a lot about her, the writer would maybe try to study the character and avoid the bad takes and the Aeneid...
But I've been on FF.net and, well, y'know, Cap's piloting many ships.
#anon#replies#FE16#rhea stuff#sort of ?#as always the rule is if you're not happy then write yourself#but sometimes you just don't have the time to write or can't for other reasons#and it hurts to see a character you like depicted in the most evil way possible to make a little flower bloom#if this blog can at least bring a laugh or two to people who like the character#even if we don't agree on everything about said character#then i'd say it's a win#like i have no confidence as a writer because english skills are rusty and well no confidence at all#but i guess writing shitposts and stuff on tumblr is still something i can do lol
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confectionary clash - carmen berzatto
pairing: carmen berzatto x afab!reader (established relationship)
summary: carmy's girl is the human embodiment of a sweetheart. that is, unless it's that time of the month and richie provokes her.
wordcount: 3.2k
warnings: swearing, fighting, weaponized incompetence from richie but we still love him.
a/n: this was meant to be a drabble but turned into 3k words. so it's written kinda like a drabble?? (hence the lowercase i can't be arsed to change) but just... long. idk hopefully its entertaining. also, i don't mean to demonize richie, he's my favorite character i think,, i just love writing him as problematic lmao cuz he's so funny. anyways, enjoy!
as carmy’s confidant and girlfriend, you were always the voice of reason. with just a string of words, you’d be calming him down after a hectic work day, giving him a fresh perspective on his work dilemmas since you were outside of the restaurant circle. in the time he’s known you, he hadn’t seen you do as much as barely raise your voice. maybe the occasional snap, but you always follow it up with swift apologies and big watery eyes.
that is, unless you’re in pain. specifically cramps. the sight of you 180ing from a sweet girl with a bright smile and even sweeter words, to an evil sorceress with spells rolling off your tongue, inflicting curses onto anyone who irritates you is jarring. a bit dramatic, sure, but that’s what you were during that time of the month—dramatic.
carmy tries best to dote on you. you would never ask him to go out of his way for something, unless it’s grabbing a heating pad or water, but carmy wants you to. it takes prying to hear your desires and cravings after asking a million times, and you begrudgingly give in with no expectations. nevertheless, you end up with exactly what you asked for, or something close to it, and you’re endlessly grateful.
on days when you stop into the restaurant when you’re feeling down, carmy enacts this same routine. if it’s food, he’ll cook it for you; desserts, he’ll grab any extras marcus has (or marcus happily makes it from scratch if they're not busy, claiming he needs the practice). if you want snacks, he sends his right hand man richie out to grab them despite your protests.
richie does it often whenever you stop into the store, and he acts like it’s a chore sometimes, but everyone has a hunch that he really loves it. come on, twenty dollars to get a few items for you and pocket the rest for himself? plus a break from work? done deal.
richie wouldn’t admit it, but he liked taking care of you too. you were always a sweetheart to him, but it wasn’t in his personality to be as sincere as you, so this was a little act of service to show his love. besides, the year and a half you’ve known him has definitely earned you the title of a friend, and you’d agree.
now, you don’t ever want to seem ungrateful, but when you ask for a specific treat, you get disappointed when you don’t really get it. maybe it’s the fluctuating mood talking, but you always end up snapping at richie due to his poor choices. if you ask for one thing, he’ll get you the next, and you even suspect he does it on purpose sometimes. pulling reactions from people is his specialty.
it’s not like you’re a complete bitch about it, because he took his time out to go get you something, but richie has a problem with weaponized competence even with his new and improved attitude. you know he can get you the jolly ranchers you suggested, but he chooses to grab goldfish because it’s closer to checkout. it was annoying, but you never really brought it up to carmy. it's not like you needed to, it wasn't a huge deal. you figured richie could use the little break, and you don’t hate the snacks he brings.
except on days like this.
you were at the restaurant on a slow day, dragged yourself out of bed despite your cramps just to see your little grumpy boyfriend and hide in his office. even as you entered the establishment through the back you glared at richie (who sweetly waved) in passing, side eyeing a few of the newbies who ran in front of you despite their apologies. none of your usual bright smiles and cheery greetings. the bee line straight to the office was a clear enough explanation for how you were feeling.
upon entering, carmy looked up in a panic, which quickly melted into a soft smile at the sight of his girlfriend. “hey, baby.” he cooed softly, immediately scooting back from his desk to reach out to grasp at your waist. you let him, but pushed down the irritation, not favoring touch at the moment. however, his rough hands sliding a little under your shirt to grasp at the flesh of your hips calmed you down, earning a small quirk of the lips from you.
“whatcha doin’ here, love?” he asks, bringing one of your hands to his lips to kiss softly, still looking up at you.
you shrug, squeezing his hand, face a bit stoic. you’d been like this for a couple of days so he wasn’t surprised by your lack of friendliness. knowing you this long, carmy became accustomed to your monthly mood swings, and he felt privileged that you didn’t feel the need to put up an act for him.
“missed you.” you finally sighed, scooting closer so you stood between his knees. palms found both sides of carmy’s face and tilted it upwards a bit so you could study his appearance. stressed and tired. however, he seemed to glow at the mere admission of you missing him. it took a few seconds for his brain to rewire, looking up at you like you created the cosmos. the only reason you heard his soft, shy, ‘missed you too’ was because of the stagnant silence.
“hungry?” carmy asked, beaming from the attention. you shrugged again, allowing him to tighten his grip on your sides and tug you onto his lap. whining a bit in protest, you reposition yourself, legs falling over his lap and arms around his neck. your faces were closer now, and carmy looked at your sad eyes with a little pang in his chest. brows furrowing, he tilted his head and snuck a hand under your chin. long, tattooed fingers tickled at your chin, and before you knew it you were giggling and grinning while batting his hand away.
“cmon, i know you must want somethin’.” your grin was infectious and laced in his soft words. you hummed, already cheered up, and tapped a finger against your chin to make a thinking face. carmy chuckled, brushing a lock of hair away from your eyes and patiently waited.
a thought crossed your mind and you met gazes again. “i might go grab some little debbie snacks from around the corner.” you decided and nodded to yourself as if solidifying your decision.
as you started sitting up more, carmy’s grip tightened on your waist. “ah, ah, no. stay here.” he protested. soon enough he was calling out ‘cousin!’ and richie came bounding over, opening the office door.
richie’s face used to contort in disgust at any visual sign of affection exchanged between you and carmy, but he was used to it now. “what’s up, cousin?” he asked, almost seeming out of breath, eyes flickering between the both of you.
a short exchange between the two occurred: carmy asking richie to run to the corner store, handing richie a twenty, and richie asking you precisely what you wanted. you made it simple and easy, something he could remember: oreos and ho-hos, a midwestern's guilty pleasure.
“ight, cap’n, i’ll be back.” richie says, saluting you two before heading out. both you and carmy exchanged an amused smirk, knowing the only reason richie went was to get himself some cigarettes and hot fries he would scarf down on the walk back.
__
in the twenty minutes richie was gone, the kitchen had gone to shit. the newbies had been running the wrong food to tables, online orders were filling the tablet nonstop due to a discount glitch, and carmy was close to losing it. sitting in the office, now alone with the muffled sound of your boyfriend yelling, you were more grumpy than before. arms crossed, you snapped your head to the side once the door creaked open. in walked richie with a plastic bag, inside of it holding your hope for a better day.
"what took you so long?" you frowned up at him, but sat up straighter in anticipation. you eyes almost shone as you looked at corner store logo on the bag.
"went the long way." he mumbled, digging in the plasic. the skeptical look on your face didn't leave as he pulled out an item and set it on the table. your frown deepened further as you noticed there was nothing at all you asked for, only met with a crushed sleeve of crackers.
“where are the oreos?” you sighed out, lips pursed in a bit of a pout.
“didn’t find any, so i got you some peanut butter crackers.” he mumbled, digging around the bag again, as if he didn’t just break your heart. if it was anyone else you'd believe them, but with richie you figured he just got bored of looking.
your jaw fell slack and you gaped like a fish for a moment, waiting for him to pull out more treats from his bag. but that time didn’t come, as he fished a pack of cigarettes out instead. “and the ho-ho’s?” your voice was hopeful.
richie perked up at that, putting the cigarettes down next to the crackers. the next second he presented you with a smushed mountain of brown and white concealed in a plastic wrapper sitting atop the palm of his hand. eyes flicking between the disappointment before you and his face, you frowned in disbelief.
richie only managed to emote as much as a ‘yikes’ face before placing it on the desk. “got smushed in transit, but tastes the same!” he gave his best attempt at a smile. your brows grew taut together and anger bubbled up in your chest. you were sure your face was quickly turning red.
“carmy gave you twenty dollars, and you come back with this?!” you hiss out, daring to look at the dry crackers and smushed up dream of a ho-ho. the sight only made you become angrier. this was something a senile old person would give you, not a competent 40-something-year-old man. his lack of care was clear, and you were boiling.
richie just scoffed—he had the nerve to scoff.
“no, not just that! i got a sprite and a few pack of cigs for myself and the guy.” he waved around one of them to prove his point. if you thought you were mad before, you reached a new level of anger. usually, you’d deal with the disappointment and thank richie for even going—aside from a smart alec remark.
however, the demon conducting your period for this month did not make your rational decisions seem clear nor enticing. as you shot up from carmy’s chair, you only knew you wanted to make richie as upset as you were in this moment.
with one finger poking his chest, you began raising your voice. as soon as you started talking, richie's eyes turned wide as saucers, exactly like a deer in headlights. a string of curses snuck into your tirade, between phrases such as “you always fucking do this richie!” and “are you fuckin’ dumb?! did you get dropped on your head?!”. you only figured he didn't fire back right away because he was so stunned.
outside of the office, the kitchen was calmer now. things were finally falling into order but still required carmy’s supervision until the sudden rush ended. the only disturbance was you. now, it was your voice yelling behind closed doors and not carmy’s.
the chef—in the middle of helping sydney plate a dish—just about gave himself whiplash with how fast he turned around to look at the barely cracked door of the office. there was the telltale muffled yelling, but what shocked him was it was clearly you yelling.
turning back around, carmy gawked at sydney who silently shared the same look of surprise. it was only until they heard richie start yelling back that sydney silently pushed him toward the door. it didn’t take more than a second for carmy to snap out of his surprise and march over to the office.
throwing the hand towel he was using over his shoulder, he yanked the heavy door open before all but body slamming his way into the room and slamming the door closed. the yelling was suddenly clear, as if carmy was being pulled out from underwater.
“YOU GET ME WHAT I ASKED YOU, OR GET ME NOTHING AT ALL!”
“THEN YOU’D BITCH ABOUT THAT TOO—“
“OR NOTHING AT ALL!”
“hey, hey, HEY!” the two of you were too busy at each others throats to even hear carmy enter, until his voice brought you both to a halt, heads turning towards him.
carmy’s eyes were immediately glued to you, not paying the least bit of attention to richie. your arms were stiff as boards to your sides, fists and jaw clenched, brows taut, and race beet red. the man had never seen you look like this before, and his instinct to comfort you took over. turning to richie with a look that could kill, carmy finally spoke. “what did you do?”
“what did i do?! except take precious time to get your girl shit she didn’t even want?!”
an offended gasp left your mouth, and you retorted instantly. “oh please! because a crushed up sleeve of crackers and a mountain of mushed up cake is just what i asked for!”
“you’re ungrateful.” richie pointed a finger at you now. carmy launched forward and slapped it down. he knew richie would never hurt you, and you knew it too, as you just rolled your eyes in response, but carmy’s instinct’s took over. richie didn’t even look phased, just irritated. carmy stood in front of you and forcefully turned richie around by his shoulders to send him to the door. if carmy didn't have half of a sane mind, he would’ve kicked richie's bottom with his shoe for good measure.
“go take a break chef! or do whatever the fuck, i don’t care.” carmy shouted after richie, and the man left with a slam of the door.
you simply watched the scene unfold with arms crossed and that same deep set frown. carmy turned around to face you as the air settled, a hand running through his hair. blue eyes raked over your tense form and carmy decided he would give you a little space to calm down. however, the second he saw your bottom lip wobbling and eyes grow watery he threw that thought to the wind
“hey, no, no, don’t cry.” carmy extended his arms and collected you into them. the tense posture you held relaxed into his slouched form as he held you close; one hand in your hair, and the other rubbing circles on your back as you sniffled.
a pit of guilt burned in your stomach and spurred you into attempting to bury yourself into carmy. blue straps of his apron rubbed against your cheek as you shuffled impossibly closer. usually, carmy would love this, but right now he'd do anything to not see you so out of it. shushing you, he pressed a kiss to your forehead.
there were a few beats of you hiding away before you decided to pull back a bit to face him again—and boy did you look pitiful.
the same cheeks previously bright with anger were now flush with embarrassment and stained with tears. a tattooed hand found itself sitting on your cheek, thumb rubbing under your eye to collect a fallen tear. at the touch, your eyes fluttered closed, and carmy’s heart broke at the sight.
“you gonna tell me what happened?” your boyfriend asked, trying not to make you feel even more guilty. his full attention was on you. exhaling slowly, your eyes fluttered back open and were met with those bright blue ones that always calmed you down.
“i dunno, i just-“ you shook your head and carmy waited patiently, “it wasn’t even a big deal, but richie just really set me off for some reason.”
“yeah, may as well join the club.” carmen’s words were light, not at all sarcastic, but aiming to ease you and bring out a smile. it worked, your lips turning upwards and carmy mimicking the half smile. he looked down at you with such love, head tilted to follow every time yours moved, and thumb caressing your cheek as he took in every expression.
your smile finally faltered as you glanced back at the office desk. “i feel so awful. he went out and got me stuff and i just yelled at him.” you sputter out.
carmy followed your gaze over his shoulder to finally see what started all of this. at the sight of the crackers and ball of what looked like mush, carmy scoffs in both disbelief and amusement, because of course richie would bring you that. turning back towards you, the chef finally gets it.
“baby, if someone brought me that shit while my insides were shedding i’d kill them.” he chuckled.
“really?” you asked hopefully, smile forming again.
“yes, really. even if i wasn’t goin’ through that i’d actually kick his ass.” carmy mirrored your smile.
nodding, you let yourself chuckle along with him. strong arms found you again and you were wrapped in a tight hug, allowing his squeezes to take away some guilt you were feeling. a moment passed and you knew carmy had to get back to work. with a sigh, you pulled back.
it was your turn to reach up and cup his cheek. guiding his face close, you met him halfway and pressed your lips to his in a kiss. lips moving against his, your noses brushed, and after a moment you let the kiss dissipate; lips slowly falling away from where they were molded together. one last peck was placed on carmy’s lips, as if saying, ‘thank you for being so attentive’. that earned an appreciate hum.
you both beamed, faces still close as you came back down to earth. “you gotta get back to work, and i gotta apologize.” you murmured and carmy nodded obediently.
with apprehension, carmy let you go, arms floating in the air for half a second as he walked backwards towards the door. “don’t go easy on him, though. richie lives for a fight. that was probably his anger management for the day.” carmy smirked, grasping the doorknob.
you just shook your head, eyes narrowed teasingly. before he turned to leave, you called out to him. “thank you, carmy.”
the man just gave you a confused look, chuckling. “don’t thank me, you're my girl.” with that he was back to work and you were left to your own devices. with one more glance at the monstrosity on the office desk, you left the room and went on a search for richie.
thirty minutes later, carmy was due for a smoke break and approached the back door. he slowed his tracks, lighter and cigarette in hand as he cracked the door and heard giggling. the sight before him was drastically different than before: you and richie sitting on a ledge next to each other, giggling and bumping shoulders. carmy breathed out a laugh at the sight and fully walked out. this caught both of your attention, grinning ear to ear as you clearly made up.
“hey, cousin!” richie grinned, and you both waved. figures.
#carmen berzatto x reader#carmy berzatto x reader#carmy berzatto#carmen berzatto#the bear#the bear imagine#carmy berzatto imagine#x reader#carmen berzatto imagine
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ꨄ︎『Toji x TumblrSmutWriter!Reader』ꨄ︎
Toji x TumblrSmutWriter!Reader
18+ Minors - DNI
Summary: You shouldn't have left your phone out in the open bestie because now Toji just discovered his cute lil gf has a big slutty imagination and that means you're really in for it ❤︎ .
CW: daddy/dilf kinks, humiliation, backshots, outdoor sex, toys, voyerism, breeding, overstimulation, lots of mentions of various kinks, light spanking, light spit play, meta concepts
WK: 4.2k
Black fem reader coded but no descriptors.
A/N: Y’all can blame my forgetting to take my adhd meds and my hangover yesterday for this one. I was laying on my bathroom floor regretting life choices, waiting on McDs Doordash and thinking up outlines for kinktober when this popped into my head. I thought it would be a quick drabble like 1k words to help my writers block with the "Bumpy Ride" Geto fic but lord knows I can't write shit under 3k, who am I foolin?
I don’t even have a song inspo for how spontaneous and random this shit was lmfao but I still had to do a graphic for this one regardless (editing those notifications were hell). Edit- I lied the song inspo is: Girls Need Love Remix - Summer Walker ft. Drake.
Enjoy!
Imagine you are dating Toji and he finds out you secretly write Tumblr smut fics on the low.
He comes over to your apartment one night after one of his ‘jobs’ ran late. He has a key, but is wondering where the hell you are as you usually greet him at the door. Going into your bedroom, he finally hears you in adjoining bathroom shower.
Toji begins to strip down in order to join you but he barely has his shirt off before he notices your phone blowing up.
Picking your phone up off the bed he sees 206 notifications from an app called “Tumblr”.
Toji has no fucking clue what the hell a Tumblr is but his jealously starts to soar. He already made your ass go private on Instagram and deleted your Tiktok dances. He got tired of threatening every loser who tried to slide in your DMs or even leave a comment for that matter.
Imagine his surprise when he unlocks your phone (of course he had made you give him the password) and instead he finds out his new vanilla-as-fuck girlfriend is actually a kinky cockwhore who loves writing character x reader stories about fictional men plugging any n' every one of her holes. Sometimes it was multiple men simultaneously, with their massive cocks bullying your readers until you had them crying. Not to mention them fucking you absolutely stupid in every scenario imaginable, with a huge daddy kink/love of dilfs to top it all off.
Y/N clearly has type, Toji thought smugly as he saw some art on your page of these animated dilfs that looked similar to him.
But goddamn, some of this shit even he hasn’t considered doing with you yet. Honestly, he’s been holding himself back for your sake as you had been pretty shy at first. His sweet naive little college girl, yet here you were a filthy closeted slut this entire time.
Tsk, Y/N been holding out on me, eh?
At this point you were probably a bigger freak than he was, he mused with an arched brow as he scrolled through what you called your ‘masterlist’.
It was nothing but a collection of pure unadulterated filth.
More than anything though while going through your Tumblr, Toji is rather impressed at how popular you are. He reads your intro post where you deem yourself the ‘Self-proclaimed DILF Smut Queen’ and an evil grin appears on his face.
Toji abandons his plans to join you in the shower and he waits for you on your bed while he links-surfs through more of your so-called fics, drabbles and thirsts.
You made your own little pictures to go along with your dirty stories too? Aw, what a sneaky yet talented little whore he had.
ꨄ
When you finally exit the shower, wrapped only in a big fluffy white towel and your hair pulled back into a ponytail, you are surprised to see Toji sitting shirtless on your bed.
Toji had promised to be here hours ago. He never even sent a text saying he would be late and you’ve been bored waiting for him all evening so he could give you some of the attention you've been craving.
Your body is already warm from the shower and your legs rub together as you are already feeling a bit horny just seeing him bare chested.
Walking toward the bed you are eager to go pounce on his lap. That is, until you see it’s your phone he’s scrolling through again without your permission.
You loudly sigh which made his head snap up to look at you.
You’re so ready to tell him off again and remind him your Insta is still private and you only use TikTok to mindlessly scroll, not post dance videos anymore when gives you a dangerous look.
You stop dead in your tracks.
Your eyes grow wide as saucers as you recognize what he’s actually looking at when waves your phone around tauntingly in his hands.
No.No.No. Not this. Please god, not this!
But your worst fears are confirmed when he starts reading aloud with a huge shit eating grin.
“You moaned loudly as you threw your head back and bucked against him hungrily. You knew you had to finish quickly unless you wanted his wife to come home to discover the babysitter on top of her husband, making a mess all over his face. His thick tongue lapped into your drenched folds and he spread your puffy pussy lips wider to suck and nip at your swollen clit….”
Your mouth was agape in shock. You were a deer in headlights.
A million and one thoughts raced through your mind as Toji continued on. He swiped over to the next one, this time a daddy and breeding kink drabble.
“Or how ‘bout… ‘Take it all like the good little slut you are for daddy, Y/N’. ‘N-No daddy, please I can’t cum anymore!��� You babbled as you succumbed to the overstimulation of him ruthlessly breeding your stretched cunt and filling you as you squirted on his dick for the fifth time that night…”
You could only continue to stand there and gawk at him. This couldn’t actually be happening to you right now.
“Ya really wrote all this nasty shit, Y/N?” Toji teased while still looking at your phone as he found more of your filthy smut to read aloud to you despite the horrified expression on your face.
You of course had written all that ‘nasty shit’ but most of it was before you started dating him, breaking a long dry spell.
You really weren’t one to run the streets and sleep around but you had some kinky ass fantasies and you not getting any action had you needing to express them somehow.
It’s not like you didn’t eventually plan to open up and share a few of your kinks with Toji down the line. But this was a relatively new relationship and Toji was still a bit intimidating to you. Even though Toji treated you with way more care and concern than he did anyone else you’ve seen him interact with, you still had an insecure fear that he would reject you for a few of your kinks.
Your last boyfriend had called you a weirdo for wanting to call him daddy in bed, so you resolved then to no longer share that part of you.
Hell, not even your IRL friends knew what you got up to. Only the Tumblr followers and moots, who you all shared peaceful anonymity with, were familiar with you and your writing.
Fuck. You had finally found the perfect DILF daddy too, you didn't want to scare him away.
You cursed yourself for even opening Tumblr earlier. You did so out of restlessness waiting on his ass to come over. You just were going to read a few fics before you realized you had a story in your drafts you never posted that just needed to be proofread.
Wanting to kill time you decided to edit and post it on a whim, not knowing the mess it would be getting you into now.
“Earth to, Y/N.” Toji snapped his fingers, interrupting your thoughts.
"Where did my perverted baby’s little mind go off to now, huh? So obsessed with being ruined by imaginary cocks you can’t even respond to your own daddy.”
You could have combusted on the spot as you were sure there was more steam coming off you from embarrassment than from the hot shower you had just taken.
But wait– wtf, your frazzled mind just connected the fact Toji had referred to himself as your daddy.
Those words sinking in made your entire body tingle. Your pulse quickened as you chewed your bottom lip and fidgeted with the edge of your towel.
Was he also into this?
The fact was Toji was very into this and you were about to find out just how much he was.
Enjoying your reactions fully, Toji stood up and made his way toward you with a crazed look on his face.
“You’ve written 96 pieces of filth Y/N…”
He inched closer and you instinctively moved back. Every fiber of your body sensing the danger in front of you. You wondered if this is how the targets of his ‘jobs’ felt when he approached them. Toji never lied to you about what he did for work but you never felt like you were his prey, until now.
“You’ve been a very naughty girl, have you nothing to say for y’erself, princess?”
“I-I-I-”, you stumble over your own words. This was all way too much, way too fast, for you to process in order to say anything coherent back to him.
“I-I-I-” Toji mocked your pathetic tone, an evil grin back on his face.
“Lost your words, Y/N?”
Your body instinctively keeps moving back to keep distance between the two of you as he continues to advance on you.
“But you have so many words to say here, isn’t that right slut?”
Toji toyed with your phone in his hand, spinning it around.
“Slut. That’s what you liked to be called in these stories, eh? The dirty slutty whore with a sloppy cunt just ready to slime all over her daddy’s cock, yeah?”
You gulped as your back hit the glass of your bedroom balcony door with a ‘thud’. You had no more room to run while Toji closes in on you.
He pressed both of his massive hands against the glass as they framed your head, his body hovering over you. You couldn’t help but notice how much bigger than you he was as his frame enveloped you and blocked out the rest of the room. You were trapped.
Too nervous to look him in the eyes, you settled for his chest and Toji’s muscles flexed tantalizingly under your gaze. You lost yourself for a moment as the familiar scent of his heady masculine musk invaded your senses.
Your eyes roamed lower and lower before resting on the bulge beneath his sweats and you softly pant.
“You’re staring at my dick like you want me to stuff that pretty little throat cunny of yours full. You aren’t making good use of your mouth right now anyway Y/N, might as well see how much of me it can fit.”
You looked away from him completely but that only ignites Toji's flames more.
“Look me in the eyes little girl...” Toji’s hand roughly grabbed your jaw and squished your cheeks together as he brought his face closer to yours.
“This shy act won’t cut it anymore, slut.”
His intensity was overwhelming you. Various emotions threaten to bubble to the surface as you squirm in his grasp and your eyes become glossy with tears.
“You didn’t think you finally had a man who would be into this wild ass shit, now did you?”
You wanted to question him further but you felt your gravity shift as the balcony door whipped open behind you. Toji ripped off the towel covering you as you practically tumbled backwards onto the small landing buttass naked.
The crisp fall night air hits your dampened skin giving you goosebumps. You shiver and immediately drop down in a crouch to cover yourself.
“T-Toji!! Are you insane?!” You gasped at him in a hushed tone, your silence finally broken.
Promptly, you scan the seemingly deserted neighborhood streets through the railing for any sign of movement or signal that someone else was outside.
To your relief there was no one in sight.
Thankfully this was a relatively quiet neighborhood and no one was ever really out at this time of night. Nevertheless the shock of it all was sending your nerves into overdrive.
“Toji my ass bitch. It’s daddy to you moving forward–,” he roared jerking you up off the ground, “–and we are going to do every single fucking thing your slutty mind has ever fucking written starting NOW.”
Your eyes darted as around him if you wanted to run back inside but there was no getting past his brutish build as he quickly slammed the door shut, shaking the frame.
Frankly, you didn’t know whether to be thrilled or terrified as you had written some depraved ass shit over the past year in the midst of your cockdrought. Some of it you had never even seriously thought of actually doing IRL.
“Let’s start right ‘ere, eh? Did you think I wouldn’t notice the description of the place in your little balcony story matched your own?”
Your eyes almost popped out of your skull as you recalled what you wrote in that particular smut fic.
ꨄ
“A-AH! N-NOOO TOJI, W-WAIIIIIIIT!” You whined through gritted teeth.
You tried (and failed) not to release any noises from the unrelenting backshots Toji was currently giving you as he folded you over the balcony railing. The tips of your toes barely rested on the cold floor as your ass bounced back into him and had your clit throbbing when his heavy balls smacked against the sensitive nub.
You had previously only fantasized about Toji being this rough with you, but now that it was actually happening for real you couldn’t think straight. Your lungs burned from sucking in the frosty night air and your cunt pulsed from his thick girth stretching you open.
Shockwaves ran along your body with every cruel thrust of his hips. The force of it reduced your legs to jelly and you were sure you would have collapsed had he not had you suspended like you were, between him and the railing.
Toji seemed both unfazed by the cold and your cries for mercy as he shushed you with a harsh spank. He enjoyed the way your fat ass rippled under his heavy hand in the moonlight so much he gave you a few more for good measure.
Your tits violently swayed over the edge as one of your hands grasped the railing for stability and the other held your phone in front of you. Toji was making you dictate your story for him as he reenacted the play by play assault on your cunt.
The bright screen you held was near blinding to your teary eyes. You mentally cringed as you knew it would act as a shiny beacon to view your activities if anyone walked by the small apartment complex or hell, even stepped out on their balcony.
“T-Toj- Daddy, w-what ‘bout– neigh-h-b-bor-s?”
You managed to croak out over the sloshing of your cunt and slapping sounds of flesh that echoed into the atmosphere everytime he rammed into you. You couldn’t bear to look around to see if any of your neighbors had started to investigate.
“Pshhh, Fuck your neighbors Y/N! They clearly don’t have a cockcrazed baby to please that writes dirty little stories about imaginary men like I do.”
If you didn’t know better you would think he was actually jealous of the DILFs in your stories too from the way he was sadistically fucking into you.
His thrusts caused your icy tears to run down your face and sent your tits bouncing into the wind. Your cold and neglected nipples hardened in the chill to the point of delicious pain.
“B-but- it's too c-cold out D-Daddy!”
“Mmn, yet your pussy feels warm enough, Y/N. Too hot even. This is for your benefit, you know–,” Toji stated matter-of-factly while he increases the speed his pounding into you, “–So you remember you have your own Daddy who will fuck you anyway you want, anytime you want…just, fuck, tell Daddy what his slutty baby needs.”
The way his hips are driving into your core knocks the wind out of you. Toji tightens the already brutal grip on your hips which assists him in pressing deeper into your cunt. The movement has you almost slipping. You nearly drop your phone off the balcony when your toes stepped in the growing pool of shared juices flowing down your legs and collecting at your feet.
“Hold that shit tight for daddy baby, got it? You drop it and we gotta start over, yeah? I’ll make you walk downstairs ass naked just like this to get it too,” Toji breathed out huskily.
You realize you’ve never heard him sound this needy before now.
“What’s next, in y’er lil’ story huh?… Speak up so I can hear it over this messy cunt.”
There was an edge of desperation for you clear in his tone. Although to your dismay it causes your body to gush around him harder meaning you would have to speak up even louder as your pussy squelches grew more vulgar in volume.
You nearly shouted out the next part groaning and mixing in incoherent babbles throughout the smut filled paragraph as Toji doesn't slow to help you. If anything Toji picks up speed and grows even harder inside of you as he's encouraged by his baby's filthy words.
“...H-he- lifts your leg, r-resting your knee on the edge of the bal-c-cony. T-T-The angle allows h-him, fuck, deeper access to your c-cunt. Ah-h-h-a clear view of his c-cock badgering your core f’er a-anyone who happens to p-pass belowwww-ohmygod. Y-you seeeeee s-stars as he callously s-slams into your c-cervix, shitshitshit, n-nearly fa-fa-fucking you off the balcony if not for his s-strong hold on youuuu–ah. Y-you violently t-tremble as you c-cum s-screamiiiiing, not fuckdaddyfuckkkk, caring if your n-neighbors could s-see or h-hear you any l-longer.”
“HA! Is that so–” Toji lifts your leg just like you wrote in your fic, “–guess I am gonna to have to keep fucking this tight cunt until you no longer give a fuck about anything else but this dick, eh?”
You hear what sounds like a door slide open near you and you begin to whine about your neighbors again before Toji jerks your head back by your ponytail to whisper in your ear.
“I wouldn’t worry that nasty, pretty little head of yours about these neighbors babydoll…”
The new angle allows Toji to bury himself deeper into you just like you told in your story and his tip hits your cervix so hard you think he might actually penetrate.
“...if I were you Y/N... I would think about how daddy’s needy lil whore is gonna make it through an entire day of classes tomorrow with clamps on your nipples and a remote control vibrator up your cunt.”
He licked the side of your face and spit in your mouth before carelessly pushing your head back. You loudly moaned as his bruising grip returned to your meaty hips as his nonstop aggressive assault on your cunt proceeds.
You feel yourself getting close, your eyes rolled back into your head and drool seeped down the corners of your mouth. You cursed your weakness for this shit as you felt yourself give into the pleasure. You surprise even yourself as you never actually thought this kinda sex could be so fucking good you wouldn’t care about shit else for real.
“Goddamn mamas, squeezing me so hard–” Toji’s hips snapped into you with every syllable, his voice becoming more animalistic, “–you want me to fill this pussy up? Mmm, I fucking know you do the way she’s milking me. Fuck, might even put a baby in you, give ‘gumi a sibling. We won’t be able to do some of that kinky shit you wrote unless I knock a baby up in this cunt, ya know.”
Of course, Toji being the sexy ass DILF straight out of your dreams would love breeding kinks too.
His ramblings cause you to tighten and clench around him even more. You’ve wanted to beg for him like this since you first started dating. Just thinking of the words spilling out of your mouth nearly pushed you over the edge.
You were so close to release.
“I-Inside me D-Daddy pleasepleaseplease!,” you slobbered out, struggling to make sentences from all the pleasure within you.
“F-fill me– fill me D-Daddy, knock this tight little cunt up, w-want it– want it– w-want it–!!!”
Your voice caught in your throat and you nearly choked once you felt your peak hit. Your pussy sent tremors around his dick as you creamed around him. You can't think of anything else but him inside of you.
You just came but Toji allowed you no rest. He still pummeled inside you as he chased his own high and slurred vulgar curses of praise for his pretty lil’ whore's dirty mind, while planning the next debaucherous smut for you both to reenact.
“Ya think it's too late now f’er prime next day delivery for those toys, baby? Fuck, look that up while y’er still holding that phone.”
You didn’t even realize you still had your phone in your hand but were just thankful you didn’t drop yet. You didn't think it would survive the fall.
Groaning you tried to rally the strength to even lift the phone to face unlock when you locked eyes with someone below. You instantly recognized the person as the elderly woman with the flower garden from down the street.
The old lady had always been very kind to you, making pleasant conversation, offering you fresh flowers for your kitchen and praising you for how reminded her of her own sweet young daughter at your age.
Unfortunately for you both, she was casually walking her two mini poodles when her eyes were affronted with you practically hanging off the balcony. A blissed out expression plastered across your face while Toji held you, battering your slick pussy full of his thick cock.
The old woman’s eyes widened in terror as if she actually witnessed a crime scene as she panicked, yanking her two dogs away swiftly back in the direction of her home. You knew you would have to take the long way home from now on.
Nevertheless Toji, who was none the wiser and wouldn’t give a single fuck regardless, merely continued planning out your next smut fic enactment.
“Nah fuck it, we’re going to the library tomorrow. See how many pages you can read of that dull ass biology book while y’er warming my cock... Tch, or should we do the one where y’er fucking the coach in the men’s locker room, whacha think baby?”
"Hmmmnmmrgh", you could only moan in reply.
You were already near hyperventilating from your own climax, the shame of now having to avoid your neighbor for life and Toji’s fiery body creating a storm of friction clashing with the freezing temperatures.
But your senses were now wholly overloaded once you felt him reach down to pinch and rub at your clit.
“Cum again with Daddy baby, shit, can ya do that f’er me?” Toji sounded like he was close and he slapped your clit even harder causing you to scream out.
Cockdrunk and overstimulated you could no longer communicate as your entire body felt like it was an extension of your pussy. The thick fluids flowing out of your body increased the sizable puddle already at your feet. You utterly surrendered to the feeling and your body wrecked with pleasure electrifying you.
You almost blackout as you feel his cock bust hot seed into your tummy melting your insides and causing you to cum all over again.
"Fuck, that’s it, take it all. Can't wait to see this belly and these tits full mama."
The aftershock of your orgasm feels near endless as Toji continues to fuck thick ropes of his cum into you.
Losing track of time you weren’t sure how long it was before Toji finally pulled out and took you off the railing. Holding on to you so you can balance and turning you to face him he places you down on your unsteady feet. You immediately bury your head into his chest as his heat envelops your cold skin. Your breathing finally starts to calm in his embrace.
“So good f’er daddy babygirl,” he murmurs into your hair, savoring your scent.
“Warm bath, yeah?”
“Sure, but you gotta carry me daddy.”
You yawned while Toji’s already lifting you princess style in his strong arms. You were exposed still in the night but at the same time you have never felt safer.
You curl further into his warmth as he kisses your forehead and finally brings you back inside.
Once inside the bathroom Toji sets you down on the edge of the tub while the water runs and he leaves to grab some fresh towels.
You can’t help but feel euphoric as you smiled to yourself. You are too giddy!
You finally have the DILF daddy you always wanted and could be open about your kinks without any judgment.
However your mood shifts when Toji returns. You give him an incredulous look as you see your pink waterproof vibrator in his hands.
Toji turns it on and saunters over to you, his scar twisted into a devilish smirk.
“95 more fuckfics to go ma’, we don’t have time to waste…”
Fucking hell, you had entirely forgotten about the overstimulation in the bath drabble.
You quiver in both anticipation and distress as you aren’t sure how your completely spent and nearly frozen body is gonna be able to cum four more times tonight.
Could there ever be too much of a good thing?
You weren't sure what those limits were exactly.
“Ya know, Y/N–," Toji started slyly, interrupting your thought.
”If I hit up Shiu and you asked him nicely with that pretty lil' mouth, I’m positive he would be down for some double daddy Eiffel Tower action.”
However from the feral grin on Toji’s face he appeared determined to test those limits with you.
You could thank your Tumblr smut fics for that.
© ʙʟᴋᴋɪᴢᴢᴀᴛ 2023. ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛꜱ ʀᴇꜱᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ. ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ꜱᴛᴇᴀʟ, ᴛʀᴀɴꜱʟᴀᴛᴇ, ᴄᴏᴘʏ ᴏʀ ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇ ᴀɴʏ ᴏꜰ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ. ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇꜱ ꜰɪᴄꜱ, ᴅʀᴀʙʙʟᴇꜱ, & ɢʀᴀᴘʜɪᴄꜱ. ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀʟʟ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʙʏ ᴍᴇ ᴜɴʟᴇꜱꜱ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀᴡɪꜱᴇ ꜱᴛᴀᴛᴇᴅ. ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ.
A/N: I honestly have to say I am a bit impressed with myself as I’ve never finished a story in one day before ever (although it took most of today to proofread and I still think there might be errors soz). Hopefully this is a good sign for powering through those Kinktober fics once classes start up again this Weds. Also If there is any interest possibly a PT 2 after Kinktober featuring a threesome with Shiu at his office.
Edit: errors/grammar fixed as of 9/26.
This one goes out to all of us dilf smut queens who simp Toji ❤︎
Please reblog to have DILF Daddy Toji dick you down, but likes and comments are always appreciated just the same!
#♋︎kizzatcookedthat#♋︎kizzatcooks#jjk x reader#toji x reader#toji x you#toji x y/n#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujustsu kaisen x reader#jjk x you#jjk smut#jjk fic#jujutsu kaisen fanfiction#toji fushiguro x y/n#toji fushiguro x you#toji x black reader#jjk x black reader#toji fushiguro x reader#jujutsu toji#toji fushiguro x black reader#meta toji#toji smut#dilf toji#daddy toji
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Rambling about Astarion bc im bored at work.
I like Astarion because I think he is a genius take on The Evil RPG Companion, and is an especially great take on The Fixable Bad Guy. I don't think hes evil, but I do think Astarion is a genuinely bad person at the beginning, and I think Astarion is only drawn away from being a bad person - and experiences a great redemption arc - via active intervention from others. Astarion would not redeem himself without guidance; he is absolutely bent toward self destruction and evil at the beginning of the story.
I think comparing him with Shadowheart is what drew me to that conclusion. If you are nice to Shadowheart, as in you talk to her and respect her boundaries and do stuff she generally agrees with, she will choose to free Nightsong all on her own. You don't need to roll to convince her at all, or romance her or even push back on her Shar worship that much. You just leave it up to her, and she chooses that path. (Side note, what brilliant writing.)
Astarion is not like that at all. Even if you were tight as fuck he would not choose the good option, with no input, in Act 2. Astarion, like all the companions, needs help and connection to reach healthy actualization, but I think its great, resonant writing that Astarion needs the most active intervention of all. Because he's had his autonomy so completely taken away from him, he simply doesn't know how to use it anymore. He doesn't know how to connect with other people anymore. He's someone that's learned to enjoy cruelty, to resent the pleasure of others, and to be entirely selfish for survival. It makes sense that he must be dragged back into being capable of trust. He needs to be forced to be part of a community again; caring about things; allowing for vulnerability and optimism.
And like. How fucking smart is it to have THIS guy in THIS game. Because of the tadpole and the existential threat they're up against, he is actually forced to work with you. This kind of character is so hard to do in most RPGs because its like... why wouldn't he just betray you all and leave? Why would he stick with you? The tadpole clears all of that up. Astarion must stick with you or hes lost and dead. Astarion knows that you and the other companions are collectively stronger than him, so he can't betray you. He is forced to rely on you by default.
This is also what makes him SUCH a good version of the "you can fix him" romance; you are almost never the direct target of Astarion's bastardry because he can't fuck with you. The problem with Fix Him's is that usually they are a threat to the romantic lead, and fixing him requires enduring, soothing and forgiving the worst of his badness as some kind of test of loyalty, hopefully proving to him that being bad isn't necessary (toxic shit). But Astarion... can't do that. He is afraid to actually fuck you over because you are directly tied to his survival, and because you quickly show yourself to be more capable than him. He cannot have real power over you. (Until he's ascended, then he becomes the absolute worst version of the fix-it.)
I do think the trade off is that Astarion not directing his bastardry at you makes it easier to Ignore that Astarion is A Bad Guy, but I think that'd happen even if he was more of an asshole to you, so who cares. I think he's got the best written Redeemable Evil RPG Companion arch I've seen honestly. I love that he's so fun while being so tragic, whether redeemed or not.
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