aftercare ❤️‍🩹

i'm gonna explode

this came to me in a dream

Floyd's emo ass and a techno troll could make scene kids...! Do you see my vision??? . . . Ravin is Happy Hardcore and Eddy M is Synth-Pop, that's how troll genetics work, right?

anyway...

i don't think floyd leads a proud life

So if you follow me (and aren't just stopping by because you saw one of my funney viralposts), you probably know that I've been writing a bunch of fanfiction for Stranger Things, which is set in rural Indiana in the early- to mid-eighties. I've been working on an AU where (among other things) Robin, a character confirmed queer in canon, gets integrated into a friend group made up of a number of main characters. And I got a comment that has been following me around in the back of my mind for a while. Amidst fairly usual talk about the show and the AU and what happens next, the commenter asked, apparently in genuine confusion, "why wouldn't Robin just come out to the rest of the group yet? They would be okay with it."

I did kind of assume, for a second or two, that this was a classic case of somebody confusing what the character knows with what the author/audience knows. But the more I think about it, the more I feel like it embodies a real generational shift in thinking that I hadn't even managed to fully comprehend until this comment threw it into sharp perspective.

Because, my knee-jerk reaction was to reply to the comment, "She hasn't come out to these people she's only sort-of known for less than a year because it's rural Indiana. In the nineteen-eighties." and let that speak for itself. Because for me and my peers, that would speak for itself. That would be an easy and obvious leap of logic. Because I grew up in a world where you assumed, until proven otherwise, that the general society and everyone around you was homophobic. That it was unsafe to be known to be queer, and to deliberately out yourself required intention and forethought and courage, because you would get negative reactions and you had to be prepared for the fallout. Not from everybody! There were always exceptions! But they were exceptions. And this wasn't something you consciously decided, it wasn't an individual choice, it wasn't an individual response to trauma, it wasn't individual. It was everybody. It was baked in, and you didn't question it because it was so inherently, demonstrably obvious. It was Just The Way The World Is. Everybody can safely be assumed to be homophobic until proven otherwise.

And what this comment really clarified for me, but I've seen in a million tiny clashing assumptions and disconnects and confusions I've run into with The Kids These Days, is that a lot of them have grown up into a world that is...the opposite. There are a lot of queer kids out there who are assuming, by default, that everybody is not homophobic, until proven otherwise. And by and large, the world is not punishing them harshly for making that assumption, the way it once would have.

The whole entire world I knew changed, somehow, very slowly and then all at once. And yes, it does make me feel like a complete space alien just arrived to Earth some days. But also, it makes me feel very hopeful. This is what we wanted for ourselves when we were young and raw and angrily shoving ourselves in everyone's faces to dare them to prove themselves the exception, and this is what I want for The Kids These Days.

(But also please, please, Kids These Days, do try to remember that it has only been this way since extremely recently, and no it is not crazy or pathetic or irrational or whatever to still want to protect yourself and be choosy about who you share important parts of yourself with.)

Leave me and go, if you don't want to be trapped in the Demon World. I'm staying, this place was our father's home.

I think you've mentioned before that after Machete's passing, Vasco would eventually find another partner that he'd live out the rest of his days with. Do you think he'd tell them about Machete at some point? Or would he feel it's safer/easier to keep the stories and memories to himself? If he did tell his partner I'd also understand if he chose to leave out certain details, such as Machete's job, whether it be for general safety or a sense to protect Machete's privacy and reputation even though he's gone

I think the partner Vasco lives the rest of his days with is most likely his platonic wife Ludovica, the one he was already married to at the time he reunited with Machete in their early thirties. I can see him eventually starting to try to see other men again, and he might love them too, but the whole process of trying to open up to other people (after all those years and the way things ended) would be kind of lonely, frustrating and painful for the most part. Chances are none of his subsequent relationships would last very long. He'd probably grow closer to Ludovica and she would do her best to support him. I'm not sure how much of his 10+ years with Machete he'd be able to share with anyone to be honest.

Shout out to Loudspeaker's weird original design. In unloving memory.

You know sometimes I think about that whole narrative tragedy around Huaisang where to get revenge for his brother on jgy he has to become more and more like jgy and turn into a person that his brother would hate. And yes the scheming and the lying and the making other people do your dirty work so you'll never get caught and have to face consequences for your actions is all very foils. Very tragedy. Love it.

But then I think back to nieyao in the fire palace and how it's not the spy thing Nie Mingjue is mad about, not really. He didn't know about it and changes his mind on trying to kill meng yao when xichen tells him but he's still mad and it's not the spy thing. However many cultivators he killed and tortured under Wen Ruohan's orders because he couldn't lose his cover are a factor but the crux of it? It's those last few. And specifically that Meng Yao had an out. A way for them to survive. And he used it. But only for Nie Mingjue. All the others got killed on the spot but Nie Mingjue got the out, got to live. And maybe (likely) if he'd tried to save the others Nie Mingjue would have needed to die but Nie Mingjue has been ready to die for his sect since he was 14 and if it meant defeating Wen Ruohan he'd be happy to. The fact is that those last deaths weren't to defeat Wen Ruohan but to keep Nie Mingjue alive and that is what he can't forgive. It's that after everything the thing he is so angry at Meng Yao for is choosing to value his life over that of his men.

And then I look back at Nie Huaisang who lied and schemed, yes, but who, most importantly, committed so hard to his headshaker persona that the Nie clan declined by the year, a shadow of its former self after only a decade of leadership.

And I realize that both Meng Yao and Nie Huaisang at one point looked at Nie Mingjue, and then looked at multitudes of Nie sect cultivators, and decided that Nie Mingjue was more important. And that's what he'd hate the most.

Y'ALL NEED TO SEE THIS PANEL

I'm trying to analyze my own feelings about the new Spiderverse. Despite the fact that it left myself and the others I saw it with completely unsatisfied, it was an absolute masterclass in the art of creating a complex and empathetic story. It was meant to leave the viewers unsatisfied.

Throughout the first and the second Spiderverse, the audience's perspective is largely tied to Miles, with a bit of Gwen's in the second. Rather than the audience get a story we like while leaving it open for the third installment, we got put through the same experience as Miles.

He can't figure out his spider powers? His are so different that we can't understand them. He finds the confidence to take down Kingpin? We fly with him. He gets isolated from the rest of the spiderverse? So do we. He's trapped with an evil version of himself? That's where the film ends for us.

Our feelings from the movie are supposed to pair with what he's feeling. We are living the same experience as Miles. And it's in service of the larger theme, the thread connecting the trilogy together.

Anyone can wear the mask. You can wear the mask.

The third Spiderverse is going to be a fucking phenomenal film. Better than both of the first two.

Man of words

THE X-FILES (1993-2018)

SEASON FOUR — The truth will save you, Scully. I think it'll save both of us.

What was the point of Scrooge's trip with the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come? On a structural level, it makes sense--three is the fairy tale number, and you can't visit the past and present without also including the future--but on a character level, it doesn't quite seem necessary. Showing a man that he'll die alone, unloved, and unmourned seems like the strategy you take as the last-ditch effort to convince a guy that he needs to change his ways. But that situation doesn't apply to Scrooge. He started softening immediately after he first arrived in his past. By the time he finished with the Ghost of Christmas Present, he was fully onboard with the need to reform, so the Ghost's vision of his future seems like unnecessary cruelty. Why show him all this when he was already planning to change his ways?

A few things come to mind. One is that this vision of the future wouldn't have affected Scrooge unless he had already changed his ways. A cold, hard businessman could have seen his lonely death as just the way of the world, might have viewed the people who stole the clothes from his corpse as just people doing what's practical in this world. He needed to relearn the value of the intangibles--human connection, respect for others--to see the true horror of the lonely death and the vultures who defiled the dead man.

But why the horror? Can't he reform without being threatened with doom? It's possible--but it's also possible such a reform would be temporary. After all, Scrooge started as a friendly, loving young man, but retreated into himself and his business out of fear of poverty and fear of the way the world looks down upon poor people. Even if a reformed Scrooge started on a course of Christmas charity, there was always a chance that the enthusiasm would fade, and the worldly fears would start creeping back in. The only way to beat those fears is to give him something to fear that's even worse than poverty. He needs to see the horrible end that his selfish ways would lead to, so he won't be tempted to slide back into them.

There's also the fact that seeing his death makes him ecstatically happy to find that he's alive after the Ghost is gone. Had Scrooge been spared the vision of his future, he might have been happy to find himself on Christmas Day, but his joy would have been nowhere near the manic glee he experiences after coming back from the future. Now, he doesn't just get a new start--he gets a second chance. Coming back from his own grave makes him mindful of his death, but it also makes him hyperaware of the fact that he's still alive. He isn't in the ground yet. He still has time to do good and make connections with others so he doesn't die alone.

Seeing the past reminded him of the innocence he'd lost. Seeing the present reminded him of the people whose lives he was missing out on. Seeing the future reminded him that death is waiting, so it's important to live virtuously while we can. All three are important because all three brought him outside of himself and taught him to value the wider world, just in time to live through another Christmas Day.

thinking about how the captain would have become a ghost and had to watch the aftermath including both Havers' reaction and the reaction of all those other soldiers