#bc i do want to know if thats whats been going on my whole life so i can maybe medicate it but also i hate thinking. about it
Text
seems like my heart does nothing but break lately
#oh my god dont read the tags. it breaks for everyone :( but on a more personal level#for my gf whos sinking deeper into something n i cant even help bc im a wreck myself but i am so so scared to lose her#still havent even been able to book a psych appointment n i rlly dont know where to go with all these ..em*tions#Guys i rlly dont understand one thing. how come one random freak whos in ur life at some point can derail a whole person like eons later#jeopardise their whole future just by crossing some lines for funz i really dont understand this#not fair not fair at all this is evil#and becasue u got unlucky someone wanted to be disgusting u have to carry the consequences#i rly still cant even say it i still cant even write it#i dont even know how . irl the only perosn i told in some capacity#is dealing with her own trauma and i hate that jsut being understanding is not enoughlike#Wow Lmao Its just Funny How it Shapes You. & U Can Never bury it forever becuz it will always catch up to you😂😂😂😂😂😂#AND THE PAST CAN NEVER BE ERASED 😃😃😁😁😂😂😂🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔪🔪#at least my gf has been taking steps to deal with it for.3 yrs and i just never even#LOL i feel like such a coward but the sh*me and the g**lt associated with the Thing..r so overwhelming i cant even admit it#what would i even do at the psych appointment like straight up what am i gonna say Lol#hai iam here to process something i dont actually remember probably becasue i was a child but imnot sure. n id rather#kms than tell u how i know 😂. So thats also why my heart breaks. for that little girl who was a ball of shame i guess and no matter#how much i cognitively.like rationally know its not my fault the ball of shame n guilt is still there#n it swallows me every time i vaguely start 2 think about acknowledging the Th*ng#or whatever. And thats just my end of the deal but my gf has it worse genuinely bc she remembers everything n still has to see the freak#n it went on for yrs n her family doesnt know n heres the worst thing hes a beloved family member a sweet boy with struggles of his own#well i hope he walks into traffic for doing what he did to her
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Im so tired of acting the way i think some ppl on here think i should act. Im tired of assuming theyre seeing me through the lens my ex provides for them. Im tired of feeling like nothing i say or do matters anyways because people have made up their mind about me and refuse to try to see me in another light. I know who I am and I know what im like and im tired of trying to almost essentially help people see me change my behavior for the better from something i never even was? Because i guess i feel like if i act like most people dont know about the issues between me and my ex that means other people will think im just *pretending nothing is wrong or happening*. It feels like i cant win either way. I cant play pretend as this horrible person whos trying to reform and have people allow me the chance to actually change and recognize that change and i cant also be myself and just know myself without people thinking im just ignoring this thing that isnt even a thing i need to work on or ever even fucking did. Im so tired of feeling convinced that other people are convinced im horrible and having to work from there and having to try to navigate that situation and get someone to see my side of things because ive just come to the conclusion that some people just will refuse to and idk. Theres nothing i can do in this situation. I just know i didnt deserve any of it.
#im like one of the most careful fucking people in the world istg#even before all of this but now especially after this bc im operating under the assumption that ppl see me as if im not#i almost feel brainwashed by what i think others perception of me is like online.#and then i try to go through the steps i think someone who did fo those things would do. or as if i did do those things and what id do#in that situation afterward. but i didnt do those things. and i dont need to live and operate as if i did to prove to other ppl i have the#emotional and mental maturity that i do#i dont need to sit here and let people gaslight me into their perception of me or at least what i think it is#i am such a good stinky lil guy. its people like my ex and the people around them online that brought out all this bitterness in me.#i resent those people so much. and i cant help but feel like theyre all stalking me still all the time. they want me to live like that too#like im in a panopticon. but this is what im saying- if i move on like i know myself and operate as myself the way ik myself#THOSE PEOPLE will come around and then act like im ignoring the situation with my ex and 'trying to escape responsibility'#i dont know why i feel so obedient to their perception. i mean i guess i know why like probably bc of my brother pushing me into a box#and me feeling like i have to stay in there or be abused. i feel the same way with my ex- if i dont act like ive been in the box they put#me in this whole time then they are going to get mad at me and try to come after me more i feel like.#i feel like thats when theyre really going to try to sic their followers or friends after me.#idk but im going to stop. i dont care how you see me. its not real. its not true. it never was. i was abused by this person and thats the#final truth about it. im not saying i couldnt have been reactively abusive sometimes with them but all the things they say i did#that they did to me but say i did but x10 worse? no. fuck off. thats not fucking me. you DONT KNOW ME. YOU HAVENT BEEN AROUND ME#ALL MY LIFE GROWING UP. IF YOU KNEW ME YOU WOULD KNOW ID NEVER DO THAT SHIT. YOU WOULD FUCKING KNOW THAT.#which is why i know you dont know me. none of you do. im tired of operating the way i think you want me to.#im tired of trying to empathize with people i dont want to LIKE my ex or my brother or my sister or my dad#im tired of trying to see things the way they do. how my ex is probably just this dumb scared kid inside who does dumb shit and doesnt#think about the consequences and doesnt care about the consequences of their actions because their only priority is#self preservation. like i dont care. i understand but i dont care. they still hurt me. they still did what they did to me.#they still know they did something wrong otherwise they wouldnt have started this whole smear campaign.#im tired of trying to sympathize with them. give them a million chances to change. do what i can to encourage them to actually have empathy#even towards the people they hurt and like to smear.#because they dont do the same for me. i know. i know theyre still shit talking me. i know they cant stop because if they did theyd have to#have more empathy about me on a whole lot of things they dont want to think about bc they dont want to feel about how they treated me#and continue to treat me by keeping up this narrative abt me online. they dont give a fuck so why am i extending so much to them.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
btw being annoying abt this thing that happened almost a week ago at this point bc had no tumblr then but i remember at one point when we were with our cousins and kinda just chatting and hanging out nd stuff my sibling just like. was repeatedly like being mean and insulting me for the most minor things and like it was rude but didnt rly hurt that much it was j whatever yk but they kept doing this but i was mostly like whatever even though they were being pretty mean nd at some point they were like "go walk of a cliff" and i was jokingly like "ill tell mum you said that" and then they were like "well you can tell that to her but i can tell her things too yk" basically threatening to out me or like. tell our parents about me having online friends and shit which is a pretty fucked thing to say and like. a completely inordinate reaction to me making a joke but we were around other ppl nd my i wasnt out to one of the cousins so i cldnt be like "hey what the fuck is wrong with you for threatening to out me over a joke" so i was just like "you kept insulting me and our cousins thats rude!" and then they got so sulky and was like "oh im not allowed to insult people but people are allowed to insult me?" even though that like. i never said that ?? and none of us were insulting them ??? and when i was like "i never said that its wrong for people to insult you too" they started talking about how im allowed to be annoying though and thats not fair when they cant insult me or whatever. hi.
#LIKE WHATS WRONG WITH THEM. HI.#like i think literally being sad becuase 'i cant insult people :(((' is ubsurd. like hi hello.#AND LIKE I LITERALLY GET JOKING BANTER AND BEING JOKINGLY RUDE BUT THEY WERE LEGIT BEING SO RUDE.#but also the insulting wasnt even that big of a thing i j pointed tht out bc its the only thing i cld say in that situation#the big thing was fucking threating to out me like. hello ??? what the actual hell is wrong with you ??#like. idk if i got the tone across right in this post but like. they were fully serious when they said that and like. ik it seems vauge#but istg they were fully alluding to either outing me; telling my parents about my online friends; or telling them that i do not like them#(using semicolons as commas there)#which is like. what the fuck is wrong with your threatening to do any of them considering the consequences to me#in hindsight i think they thought i was being serious abt the telling our mum abt what they said thing but like.#even fucking then thats not an appropriate reaction to that?? like ??#like the thing is if i had told our mother that she would have just been like “thats wrong you shouldnt say that!” and then we wld move on#but like. hiii if u told our parents the shit ur alluding to there it cld put me back into one of the worst places iv been in in my life#and ruin so much fucking shit for me and destroy my mental welbeing and force me to go through a major traumatic even again basically#like thats what wld happen to me as a result of how out parents react to that . nd if i did what i joked abt ud j get scolded once. hi#also the thing is theyre also fucking queer so they should fucking know better than to jokingly threaten to out me. wtf.#also we were hanging out today nd they threatened to stab me jokingly and i joked about calling 911 about being threatened#nd it was literally nothing. even though tihs ended up being a whole fucking fisaco. okay . also i didnt even enjoy hanging out w them#i wanted to be alone. but they were just in my room so i played this very boring for me game w them w playing the first sec of a song#hi. the moral of the story is the post w quotes abt how sibling relationships survive sooo much going around its true but its a negative#why do i deal with this. like spending time w them is sometimes fun but it is nott worth this i think. hi whats wrong w them#<- will prob change my mind on tht later tht post j kinda annoys me. when did we go back to the blood family is the most powerful thing bs#flappy rambles#ask to tag
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#diary#drugs tw#personal#high#ill be fucking damned if you catch me not binging drugs this whole fucking week#lmao. im not joking. i plan to be high 24 fucking seven#im sorry if anyone wants to talk to me but like. im not up to it lmao#haaah. i ate some edibles (theyrw just a had candy tho) to like. quiet my mind down a little. and im glad i did.#i wouldve prefered to take a smaller dose (i only have 10 mg rn ;-;) but whatever. i just feel its a waste as im going to bed so lol#haah. im so tired. too much has happened lately and im just done.#disordered eating#eating disorder#i like. weighed myself again today and i gained a couple pounds :/ like. thats not the worst i guess but id rather not? yknow#suicidal ideation#self harm#idk i just wanna die latley. and if i dont i just dont wanna bother. its too much effort. what am i supposed to do with my time?#idk i just dont know what to do with myself bc im busy which in turn makes me give up on life lol.#...ive also been planning on self harming for a while now. i think i may still.#i do try to never self harm while intoxicated. but i was planning on doing that anyways today lol#yknow... i wish i had something stronger. like. i just wanna dissapear into oblivion. i just want nothing more than to give up#and i kinda think i am? slowly but surely. im just sorta letting go of things.#i feel like im just. sorta losing myself a bit. like. it feels like im just watching everything happen to me.#i forgot how it feels being around others. like. theres everyone else. and then theres me.#i hate it. ive always hated this window i have to watch others. but they all just. look at me strangely.#at least thats what it feels like. people gawking at a cadged animal...#im exhausted. i sorta wanna chat with a friend. but im also super tired and high and a mess and whatnot.#...oh well. theres not much to be done. i may as well just text bc im lonely.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#i HATE it here#if this is what the rest of inpatient is like i have no clue how it helps anyone#not only do i have no control whatsoever over my life#(i can't choose when or what to eat or when to sleep i can't go outside i can't shave i cant even really go to the bathroom whenever i want#bc theres checks every 15 minutes and so i have to look like im doing okay bc otherwise someones going to come in and ask entirely unhelpful#questions and i can't change clothes in my room bc the window covers the whole room and it looks out directly on the entrance so theres no#privacy even between checks)#i feel like an animal in a cage#you know how bettas apparently bite off chunks of their tail when kept in a too small tank? thats how i feel#this is my 3rd full day here and still no one has told me what to expect#and i got ambushed by a doctor a social worker and a scribe asking me shit like what caused your depression? why are you here?#fuck if i know!!#i got sent to the fucking er from my meds checkup and no one's told me shit about what to expect here and i don't have Anything#i got sent to the er with my backpack and the clothes i was wearing and they took all of that away immediately at the er and they only gave#back a little bit of it when i got here and my dads been bringing me stuff but i can't even have a stuffed animal or conditioner!#i feel like im going crazy#i don't know any other way to describe it#i want to claw my skin off or tear out my hair or jump through a window or bang my head into a wall until i bleed#and i know thats definitely not something that would let me get out sooner#but i Did Not feel like this until i got here#all i can say is that i feel like a caged animal like im on display at a zoo#and they won't even tell me what's going to happen while im here
0 notes
Text
.
#hfffffff okay i spent fucking hours rambling in that ao3 comment lmao i wanted to apologize for that but#i dont wanna give the author a reason to reply or guilt them into reading the whole thing lol#i hate having anxiety#bc it means sometimes i cant be like 'haha that was hot' without feeling like im not doin my job as a reader#but then when i start writing a longer comment i gotta give reasons why i liked something#and before u know it im typing my whole lifes story and thats a book no one wants to read. least of all in the comments on their 50k fic#i took out so many paragraphs and revised it no less than 20 times but probably more i wasnt counting#i dont think ive ever put a comment that long but it required backstory to explain something and also how i was surprised at#...being sold in the first chapter when i was already predisposed to not wanna read the fic in the first place#god its fucking 130am ive been typing for hours#sleep has not occurred to me bc ive been in 'middle of a task' mode since like 8pm#anxiety really is a motherfucker lmao ughhhhhhh#fuckin verbose as hell lmao hate that abt myself no one wants to read my essays lol#shouldve spent at least 3 of those hours workin on my fics but alas i have time blindess and only saw 2 time jumps#anyway gonna hope my sleeping pills kick in fast#lol its probably pain. the reason why im so on edge for the past few days and especially today since i couldnt really relax#i hate being so anxious all the time but what can i do lol nothing has helped me long term#oh here we fucking go lmao im writing another essay in the tags yeah i gotta hit the pen or something to chill or the pills aint gonna help#delete later / /#i swear i dont mean to but i blink and ive written an essay it happens without doing it consciously
0 notes
Text
still in suchhhh a funk
#physically restraining myself from being blunt and mean with everyone bc i dont actually want to do that at all im just in a bad place rn#and want to lash out abt it bc i feel v lonely + trapped in my head etc except being a dickhead will just turn it into a vicious cycle#where i alienate ppl even further so im not doing that im trying my best to be nice :) and not express this shit :) at all :)#and it doesnt matter bc no one gives a fuck either way but whatever i care so thats reason enough.#i mean i say that but whenever i talk to ppl im not even rly thinking im just saying words recreationally so maybe i am still being a dick#who fucking knows. who even cares!! ugh. ok workout -> shower -> eat -> sleep and then tmr i need to actually fucking do smth#i still.have a ton of these stupid adhd forms to fill out they need to bw done in the next couple of days but ive been putting them off#bc i do want to know if thats whats been going on my whole life so i can maybe medicate it but also i hate thinking. about it#and i hate!! jobhunting!! even!! more!! i hope the world blows up tomorrow. whatever#.vent#<- SORRY FOR VENTPOSTING I KNOW THIS IS TEMPORARY AND WILL PASS IF YOURE READING THIS ILY ANYWAY BYE#nvm maybe i wont workout i cant be fucking bothered ill just break down. rots for 1 million thousand years instead
0 notes
Text
i cant remember if i said this or not but i was saying how i dont think the reveal about iruma being a human was being teased cuz the progress for it was all very natural but now that the fucking reveal was cockblocked TWICE by a fucking phone call im willing to retract my statement
#THIS is teasing#the fact that iruma is a human was never really touched on much?#like first of all iruma had to get over thinking he was gonna get munched on#not saying its an unreasonable fear but like he couldnt be too paranoid about it#like his humanness is always in the background and iruma HAS expressed wanting to say it before#and explicityl showing that his fear is no long er being waten and more just being rejected in general#which is a normal fear and a nice show of his progress in the character development department#and maybe the issue of him being human would be more touched upon if it wasnt the background plot#like i think people forget mairuma is a very slice of life manga lmao like the action and antagonist plot is VERY background#like the whole point is iruma learning to do things gor himself rather than doing things because others want him too#its about irumas character journey you know? like yeah theres like a prophecy or whatever happening but thats b plot business#so the reveal of him being a human should naturally follow the flow of his own character development which it has!! and i think iruma is in#fact getting to that point of feelinng brave enough and confident enough to tell his closest friends if hes not at the point already#also it probably feels like its being teased bc its quite literally been years irl but u gotta take into account the Whole Manga and not the#weekly chapter releases#like of course everything feels slow when ur only getting bite sized pieces of big arcs you know?#idk what the rate of plot progress is tho bc my only experience with anything FINISHED is fairy tail and that too 545 chapters#which is wild considering how much shit happened there and how much shit ISNT happening here#where was i going with this#oh yeah so before it didnt feel like teasing just basic plot progression based on where the characters are in their devlopment which for a h#heavily character based story is amazing imo#but the two interruption are VERY annoying especially since it just breaks the tension#maybe itd be comically if i was reading this all in one go like start to finish like haha damn interrupted twice#but it IS annoying in real time. i do apprrciate the universe refusing to let the antagonists share irumas secret with the people he conside#considers important without his say so. very considerate of them#narnia can eat shit btw no matter how pretty he looks#michi tag#i fucking wish i could talk like this about other things im interested in but i only pull out my analysis hat when i see bad takes which mar#mairuma has A LOT of imo. like every new chapter at least one person will say something so baffling that i have to say something back if onl#only to myself
0 notes
Text
see this is why i was supposed to keep this light and fluffy and about pda because if i start seriously trying to seriously deal with the ramifications of the eclipse’s post e10 plot ill go insane :(
#i got... too into it... in the last scene#i think i have to change it. yes i Did want some kind of 3 jums resolution#but thats not what the fic is supposed to be about. i think i just gotta....#maybe like. rearrange the scenes and put one in the cafe in the middle??#anyway this is your notification: i LOVE the eclipse with my whole heart#and i do not acknowledge any part of episode 11#between like. 22 minutes and 36 minutes#actually this is what has been plagueing me the whole process of this fic lol#it was supposed to be: akk gradually gets more comfortable with pda#because i Could Not Imagine him just going directly to 'holding hands in public' tbh#and it was gonna be all cute. bc aye getting uno reverse'd is a good concept for me#but then the Problem (real-life implications of akkayan coming out) hit#and i'm fine with that. i can tackle that from a place of relative confidence as someone who was out in high school#but.... i keep getting.... Sidetracked...... and i know this is not the place to handle that shit#(namely e11 thua + the plot holes related to the world remembers + DIKA)#someday someone will give me money to rewrite the whole show (i have THOUGHTS) and ill do it in some kind of 100k epic or something#but its not here. this is supposed to be for akk gets comfortable with public affection :(#rowan chatter#dvd commentary
0 notes
Text
fifth wheel • ln4 part 3 ੈ✩‧₊˚
ੈ✩‧₊˚ pairing || lando norris x reader
ੈ✩‧₊˚ genre || social media au
ੈ✩‧₊˚ summary || y/n is always fifth wheeling george, carmen, alex, and lily.
ੈ✩‧₊˚ a/n || final part yay! also perf in time for lando’s p2!!! not proof read.
part 1 part 2
liked by lorenzotl, patriciooward, and 762,871 others
alex_albon monte-carlo padel masters
tagged georgerussell63, yourusername, maxvertsappen1, landonorris, richardpardon
username1 max has friends?!
username2 zandvoort front two rows
charles_leclerc oh!
⤷ pierregasly it’s ok mate, we’ll play together
⤷ yourusername sorry 🥱 maybe if u brought alex and kika w u
username3 ok but how did they play if there was 5 of them, did they take turns?
⤷ username4 nah i bet y/n just sat on her phone and watched them play
alex_albon also P.S. y/n did not actually do anything
⤷ yourusername WDYM?! me and lando subbed 🧐
⤷ georgerussell63 he kept playing for u y/n?
⤷ yourusername HOW IS THAT MY FAULT, HE’S A BALL HOG!
⤷ alex_albon u forced him to play for u y/n.
⤷ yourusername this is defamation. i will not take this slander!
⤷ username4 called it
username5 maxverstappen new hyoerfixation incoming
f1 who won tho?
⤷ yourusername me ofc 😇
⤷ landonorris us*
⤷ yourusername sorry yes ofc team work makes the dream work!
⤷ maxverstappen1 but yourusername u didn’t even play?
⤷ landonorris i played for the both of us. she transferred her energy to me so i could play w our combined powers
⤷ username6 lando and y/n aren’t being hostile. we are so back!
liked by danielricciardo, mclaren, and 632,091 others
landonorris my 🌟 girl
username7 this soft launch will be the death of me.
username8 the day we find out who she is, is the day that i die
danielricciardo watch out she’ll take over lando.jpg
maxfewtrell yuck right in front of me
yourusername whipped
⤷ landonorris sns
⤷ username9 i’m sorry? is that meant to mean sorry not sorry 😭😭 they’re actual children
username10 idc how many ppl call me delusional, it’s y/n FS
⤷ username11 ok grandma let’s get u to bed
liked by romeobeckham, mickschumacher, and 97,032 others
yourusername spicy salmon nigiri u rock my world 🍣
username12 ok yeah rip my lando x y/n fantasies
username13 final confirmation we needed
username14 how long is this soft launch gonna last
landonorris gag
⤷ username15 someone sounds jealous 👀
⤷ landonorris sushi makes me sick
⤷ maxfewtrell such a baby
lilymhe gets a bf and forgets her best friends
⤷ alex_albon it’s ok lily just relax
⤷ lilymhe NO YOUVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS UR WHOLE LIFE ALEX DONT EVEN PRETEND
⤷ username16 i just know alex is so relieved that he doesn’t have share lily anymore
username17 does anyone else find it funny/weird that y/n will let rumours circle abt her and other drivers and lando will do the same w random ppl he’s talks to and they both just follow this kind of philosophy of just ignoring it bc it’s baseless but as soon as someone so much as hints to the idea of them together they go ham at squashing it
⤷ username18 maybe it’s bc they’re actually friends so they don’t want ppl to ruin it w all the rumours
⤷ username17 but that’s what i mean like they don’t mind the rumours abt their other friends but when it’s each other it’s like NO THATS NOT TRUE
⤷ username19 i will stand by that alex and george tried to set them up on that golf trip and they started taking but one of them or both fucked it up and now
⤷ username20 and i will stand by that they are actually together
⤷ username19 it’s ok to be a little delusional
liked by username81, username4, and 18,409 others
f1wags y/n with lando recently… wonder how their partners feel about this…
tagged landonorris, yourusername
username21 nah no way they aren’t dating
⤷ username22 they’ve made it so clear they’re just friends
⤷ username21 bro look at how much they’re together, she’s literally in the paddock w him
⤷ username22 they’re friends??? makes sense that they’d hang out.
⤷ username21 yeah but she’s always been friends w him but is always in either williams or mercedes merch and motorhome but is suddenly a mclaren girly
username23 what a slut. she literally has a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend.
⤷ username24 she’s just mad that she can’t use alex and george anymore bc they probably saw her for who she is and is now leaching off lando
username25 ahhhh they’re so cute 🥹
username26 nah but i do feel lowkey bad for their partners bc if my s/o was acting like this w another person…
username27 imagine being his gf tho… like he’s refusing to show her face but is parading another girl around the paddock
liked by carlossainz55, olliebearman, and 809,762 others
charles_leclerc tbt good times 🌊
tagged arthurleclerc, lorenzotl, alexandrasaintmleux, carla.brocker, charlotte2304, alex_albon, georgerussell63, yourusername, lilymhe, carmenmmundt, heidiberger, landonorris, danielricciardo
georgerussell63 …mate
yourusername party rockin 🤙🐚🌊😮💨🌅🏝️🏖️🏄♀️
⤷ username30 my girl is overcompensating bc she knows she can’t get out of this one
⤷ username31 what?
⤷ username30 i mean this pretty much confirms that y/n and lando are actually dating, like w all the photos of them and now that we know that they actually did see each other during the break
alexandrasaintmleux CHARLES what did i say abt posting w/o showing me first 😭
landonorris lol
⤷ username31 they are sweating
username32 you’re telling me that the leclerc family, all their gfs, lily, alex, george, carmen, daniel, heidi, y/n, AND lando ALL stayed in corsica together during part of the break AND WE DIDNT KNOW UNTIL KNOW
alex_albon at least i’m not THIS bad lilymhe
lilymhe charles…
danielricciardo LOL MATE
⤷ heidiberger_ don’t even danny
username33 IM SORRY BUT THIS IS SO CONFIRMATION ABT Y/N AND LANDO… I MEAN LOOK AT EVERYONES COMMENTS, THEYRE ALL STRESSING AND THIS WAS SO OBV A COUPLES TRIP
⤷ username34 i mean idk still like their comments to eachother are so passive aggressive and george, alex, and charles are really good mates w the both of them as well y/n is famed for being the biggest grid couple third wheel so maybe they were just being massive third wheels OR they also brought their partners but charles just didn’t tag them to keep it private
⤷ username35 or u guys hate to admit that y/n and lando are together and lando isn’t going to get w u 🤷♀️
username36 charles really came in w a bang
username37 the way charles’ silence is SOOOO loud
⤷ username38 yeah he is fs getting it in the gc
liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, lilymhe, alexandrasaintmleux, carmenmmundt, landonorris, georgerussell63, alex_albon, heidiberger_
liked by georgerussell63, alex_albon, and 320,918 others
yourusername fuck it we ball
tagged landonorris
username42 OH
username43 ITS HAPPENING ITS HAPPENING Y/N LANDO HARD LAUNCH
lilymhe i knew you’d cave. all those soft launch photos i took and FOR WHAT. lasted a month 😐
charles_leclerc 🤍
⤷ yourusername this is ur fault
⤷ charles_leclerc whatttttt idk what ur talking abt
heidiberger_ i just heard danny let out an audible sigh
⤷ danielricciardo no more stress 😮💨
⤷ yourusername did better then i thought u would danny
⤷ heidiberger_ don’t be fooled… i think he told the entire rbr faculty
alex_albon see you’d think that this would mean they’d leave us alone…
⤷ yourusername never getting rid of us albono 😊
⤷ landonorris now why would u want that mate?! 😘
username57 the caption. she really said fuck it lets hard launch!
username58 they really squashed the slander
landonorris absolute legends i reckon
⤷ yourusername ballers
landonorris my girl 🧡
⤷ yourusername 🤭🫠
carlossainz55 finally
username34 what?! no way?! i’m shocked 😦 we are so shocked 🥱
mclaren we’ll take it from here williamsracing mercedesamgf1
team_quadrant the real boss 😌
liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri, and 570,398 others
landonorris cute.
username42 i can’t. they’re too cute.
username43 did he take her to his family home omfg 😭
maxfewtrell whippeddddd
⤷ yourusername 😐
⤷ maxfewtrell sorry y/n mb
danielricciardo cutsie
⤷ landonorris 😘😘
georgerussell63 double trouble
⤷ alex_albon god george u don’t have to say everything that comes to ur mind
lilymhe she’s so pretty
⤷ landonorris she is 😍
⤷ yourusername i love uuuuuu baby
⤷ landonorris i love u too love
⤷ yourusername oh.
⤷ landonorris oh.
⤷ lilymhe I LOVE U TOO LOVERRRR
⤷ alex_albon u get used to it landonorris
liked by yourusername, lilymhe, and 126,090 others
lando.jpg my girl
tagged yourusername
username42 god i am not ur strongest soldier
danielricciardo peep the merch 😌
⤷ yourinstagram enchante danny 😉
yourinstagram shop the look enchante 🩷
⤷ enchante 😍😍
username43 they’re everything
heidiberger_ where’s mine? daniel3.jpg
⤷ daniel3.jpg COMING RIGHT UP
username44 lando is the standard
⤷ username45 never thought i’d see the day someone described lando norris as the standard
yourusername obsessed much 🤭
⤷ lando.jpg with u? always
⤷ yourusername oh 😳
yourusername my own jpg post?! i must be special
⤷ lando.jpg the specialist 🧡
⤷ yourusername oh 🤭
username46 dead at y/n being taken aback my lando’s comments
lilymhe my girl 😍😍😍
⤷ yourusername my girl 😘😘🤭🤭
⤷ lando.jpg pipe down miss alex_albon come collect ur girl
⤷ alex_albon don’t fight it mate
carmenmmundt prettiest girl in the world
⤷ lando.jpg that she is
username47 she’s come so far from her third wheeling days 🥹
⤷ alex_albon has she?
bonus!
liked by williamsracing, carmenmmundt, and 228,460 others
alex_albon proof that it changed nothing 😐
tagged yourusername, landonorris, lilymhe, carmenmmundt, georgerussell63
yourusername boohoo 🙄
landonorris u love us ❤️🔥
hope u enjoyed 🤍🤍
#lando norris x reader#lando norris#lando norris imagine#formula one#formula 1#george russell#alex albon#lily muni he#carmen montero mundt#daniel ricciardo#ln4#ln4 imagine#ln4 x reader#charles leclerc#f1 fanfic
2K notes
·
View notes
Note
Pregnant brat reader here with a sfw req this time with the same cod men from before bc that was scrumptious
The men are in the nursery, cradling their newborn to soothe them. Reader walks behind them, kissing their cheek (or wherever she can reach) and she whispers “I just fell in love with you all over again.”
Can you tell I have severe baby fever atm
Oh its ok I get baby fever too. If I wasn’t still too young and trying to get a degree first, oh boy. I also get it every time I look at Neil Ellice’s face (Soap’s va/reference).
Lowkey you’re making me fall more in love with these boys, hope this is all you hoped for my loving anon.
To all my readers and anons- Keep requesting this account is my hobby LMAO
Price
Price is already softly crying but now you’ve made this man want to sob. He puts the baby down since it’s late, poor thing basically just got cleared to go home.
He kneels by the crib, finger still in the baby’s grasp as it sleeps and Price is just done for. He’s doing everything possible not to wake this baby. He’s so grateful he got this chance, and he’s not going to waste it.
Now Price is going to need soothing because his heart can’t take this moment. His hand is over his mouth to help him choke down sobs. Just you and him and now the kid he always dreamed of? He’s going to be the best dad and there’s nothing that can stop him.
Soap
It’s crazy how forgetting to put on a condom once can change your whole life.
He immediately plants a kiss back on your head, telling you to go get rest. He’s going to spend the first months of this baby’s life sleeping in the room with it. The faintest cry or struggle has him up. He’s already got it all planned.
Never going to make this life feel like an accident, no this child is an accomplishment of good sex and a wonderful choice to keep it. Maybe it wasn’t an accident after all, maybe it was meant to be.
He mumbles all kinds of thanks to the universe. He’s already named Simon and the rest of the 141 the godfathers, he couldn’t stop making mafia jokes. But now he has no jokes or witty comments, just love for his wife and his baby.
Ghost
Simon is scared shitless.
He lost his last family, he can’t lose this one too. He’s already updated the house’s security. But maybe he should upgrade it more. There’s so much more he can do, he can feel his heart rate rising.
He mumbled endless promises of safety. You have to remind him the live in the moment, that those are all things that he can do tomorrow.
Thats when he starts to get emotional. You can see it in how he squints before he pulled off his baklava.
This is one of two days that’s proven Simon Riley still exists somewhere in Ghost. This proves that Simon Riley didn’t die. This proves what Price told you when you married him, that Ghost was a fortress built to protect Simon.
Gaz
He’s been crying since the baby was born. It’s not sobs but to him this child is the ultimate testimony of your love. Of your marriage even. He still doesn’t believe it. His world now revolves around this baby.
He still doesn’t believe its his child. Sure it looks like him but would an angel like you truly grace him with this? After all the terrible things he’s done and seen in the midst of battle?
He plants a kiss right back, running his thumb over the cheek of the baby. He knows he has to put it to bed but can't he hold his kid a little longer?
He may just stay here, just for one night. Just with his kid. He has so many stories to tell. He has to introduce the baby to his team and his family.
He knows he has to wait, but he cant help it.
Konig
He still doesn’t believe it. His anxiety tells him it’s a trap set by the enemy, that he couldn’t be loved, that a woman wouldn’t want to have his offspring.
But that all melts away when he turns to see you. He’s holding a baby he was surprised your body could push out, he knows this child is his without a doubt because of its sheer size and weight.
He places fluttering kisses all over your face.
He mentions keeping the baby in your shared room, just so he can keep an eye on it he swears. Oh he promises it won’t disturb you he swears.
It wasn’t even an option to tell him no, he was already carrying the baby in on arm with a secure hold and the crib in another. He hasn’t taken his eyes off your baby for even a second and getting him to sleep will be another struggle.
Krueger
Sebastian isn’t crying, you’re crying. What do you mean there’s tears coming down his face? No, that's sweat, it’s really warm.
He never needed you to tell him you loved him at the start, but when you started to he realized his heart wasn’t made of stone after all.
Now he’s holding this little creature thats half you and half him and he’s just breaking down.
This is a second chance at life for him and he swears he’s going to do better than he started off with.
In your eyes, this murderer looks like an angel with the light seeping softly through the windows against him as he holds your sweet baby.
For the first time in a long time, he prays. He prays to not mess up and for protection for his family. Its soft, under his breath and you would barely hear it, but he prays.
Keegan
When the baby was born the whole team of ghosts showed up. It was a moment of pride.
He turns to kiss your lips right back as he walks over to the rocking chair. Oh he could get the baby a little mask and armor. Could be a mini ghost.
The team fell straight in love but none could love this baby more than Keegan.
And how he looks at you? Its like you hung the stars… which you did help him do, there’s lots of stars hanging from the nursery ceiling, but you gave him a baby. He would trade the sun for his little family, unafraid of turning nocturnal if it meant keeping this moment.
He mumbled about this meaning worth all the fighting. Promises to always come home falling from his mouth so easily.
Edit: im dropping this incase you havent seen it tol
Masterlist is pinned on profile as always, don’t forget to leave me a comment or a request in my inbox to let me know what yall want to see!
#cod x reader#call of duty#captain price#captain john price x reader#john soap mctavish x reader#soap mactavish#simon ghost x reader#simon riley#kyle gaz x reader#kyle gaz garrick#konig x reader#konig call of duty#sebastian krueger x reader#cod krueger#keegan russ x reader#keegan p russ
507 notes
·
View notes
Text
i've seen figure skater sanji and hockey player zoro before. idk if its been explored but i'd love to put it out there:
hockey player sanji (specifically goalie bc he desperately wants to avoid being checked) and then pairs skater zoro.
pairs skater zoro's long time partner has been nami. though many people ship them together a Lot, they just know each other super well. Well enough to try dating and both of them realized they don't swing that way. in fact, it makes them a really good team. they fought long and hard to claim top spots in competitions because they portray a chemistry that's separate from the rest. plus zoro can carry nami like she weighs fucking nothing. so their lifts are so much more dynamic. they even have a whole next to impossible combination that they're trying to get the ISU to name after them officially.
sanji plays for the East Blue Straw Hats in the Grand Line Hockey League – a formidable rookie group that took down lots of big names in the preseason. they want to make it all the way to the postseason playoff finals but always seem to fall short. but theyre so determined. they reignited a lot of old sparks that were no longer there for old fans and brought in new and curious fans. sanji is the starter goalie and a damn good one at that. it makes sense bc goalies are often doing splits on the ice just to make a save. he's perfected the technique that utilizes just his legs to make saves that make the crowd go fuckin insane.
we have the usual "i booked the rink to practice before you did" trope but a little more spice. in actuality, sanji loves watching pairs skating competitions. his favorite pair rn is franky and robin (mostly for robin). and he adamantly does not want to admit to anyone that he watches zoro and nami's routines much more frequently. (and if anyone asks, he always says its bc of nami. its never just bc of nami.) and zoro's besties with luffy so he always watches their matches even if he barely understands the rules. and he definitely does not stare at a certain blond starter goalie most of the match thats fucking ridiculous
one day zoro and sanji are invited to do one of those comparison videos between hockey players and figure skaters. both get to laugh at the other even Attempting to do their sport. zoro frankly looks ridiculous in all of sanji's usual goalie get-up. and sanji couldn't land an euler to save his life. the video producer suggests they try a simple pairs skating routine. sanji is like "oh i couldn't do that–hEY WHAT THE FUCK MOSSHEAD PUT ME DOWN" because zoro lifted sanji and had him sat on his shoulder like it was normal.
zoro smirks, "you might be lighter than nami, actually. wanna be my new partner?"
sanji knees him in the stomach before skating away while blushing so hard he could melt the ice beneath him.
#listen#both figure skating (most especially pairs skating and ice dancing) AND hockey were my hyperfixations at one point#and zoro? built like a pairs skating man#sanji? has the ass of a hockey player#iT MAKES SENSE TO ME !#but also the dichotomy of zoro doing a graceful sport and sanji in a fast paced brutal game#idk man im too tired to psychoanalyze why i think pairs skating actually works well with zoro's philosophy on strength and balance#and sanji's phobia of being checked tied to many little league games that led him to become a formidable goalie#i COULD GO ON#But i will sleep instead#one piece#sanji#roronoa zoro#zosan#niki's log: op#niki's fics: checks and balances#dO YOU GET THE PUN IN THE TITLE GOD IM SO ANNOYING !!!!!#lowkey my contribution to zosan week even if it might not fit any promprs#i just wanna feel included
421 notes
·
View notes
Text
You could drink your whole life away and still never get that taste out of your mouth.
half commission for @salempie half completely self indulgent dreck pieced together from our insane conversations abt franke and elka. told myself id finally write a big explanation for all of the dum shit between these two for context so Thats Under The Cut.
so I already wrote some stuff about elka and franke's relationship back in whispering rock so feel free to look at that too . it goes over elkas blindness/‘seeing’ with clairvoyance and how her and franke started talking & all that good stuff
SO FOR STARTERS. a lot of thsi wont make sense without a big breakdown of elka herself. because elkas potential as a character is like insane to me. like just the idea of her in the long run of her life reads as something so potentially tragic; a young girl whos plagued with visions of doom and destined to be an outcast even in her own home for things she cant control and clings to the One vision of her wedding that she thinks is 'happy' even despite the fact she doesnt really love the person in it. im choosing to take the li-po doc as canon here because its funny shes the only one with backstory-
but my fucking god even the smallest look into what her parents are like is soo fucked up to me. and i do think elka especially gets a lot of influence from her mother; its funny how easily you can fit mabel doom into a box just from what elka says about her. knees deep in an avon-esque pyramid scheme and leaning into her daughters depressing ass visions & taking her to therapy at age 11 (which would be good if not for the kind of person you can already assume she is & so i doubt the therapist she has really does her any good. i think they share one). she reads as a very I Am My Daughters Best Friend type of mom to me and i can see elka being a centerpiece of the conversation when she has her Amway Girls over for drinks. wine-mom that lets her kid sip from the glass so she can feel like a big girl type deal.
and you can tell that elka is trying to hard to be too mature for her age even in her campster posts. how she writes letters to nils' mom and exchanges baking recipes with her and that feels like she really only interacts with middle aged women and not really many people her own age outside of camp (like her moms friends). which makes sense shed feel the need to ‘grow up’ early when shes probably had to process so many hard things at a young age bc of her visions.
theres a lot of filling the blanks here of course.
elka obsesses over nils to an overbearing degree even despite the fact he treats her like shit ('you promised no talking' and so on) and she treats him bad right back. she leans onto stereotypical heterosexual ideals like taking care of him and overblowing how Manly and Protective JT is and she admires romance stories like pride and prejudice and it feels like she Projects Soooooooo much of what she wants onto boys she barely feels anything for without knowing what its actually supposed to feel like. and clearly she WANTS that ideal future, a happy marriage, an actual romance- but according to nils even when they were dating she ignored him most of the time, which just seems Very Telling
like shes filling a role, overcompensating for emotions and lacktherof she cant digest quite yet, and it only makes more sense when you know shes had visions of their future together. how could that be bad for her? shouldnt it be like the books and movies? but she doesnt really connect the fact that her visions are only for Doomed futures, and if she does she certainly doesnt show it. Doomed relationships. it's been a part of her family for generations and she isn't turning out much different, is she? i dont think she even realizes thats all she ever sees yet, just that its Going to happen. that it's Her future, and it always will be
and like, her only reference for a real marriage so far has been her own parents, and she already Knows they have an affair, and theyre doomed to split, (and i actually like to think they were in rough waters anyway and elka was a child meant to mend a crumbling marriage but thats a whole other thing) and so without a framework for what an actual healthy relationship is supposed to be like she cant really grasp that her relationship with nils Isnt that and isnt ever going to be. she can only cling to this one happy idea of the future, and thats why she keeps chasing him, self fulfilling the actuality of her situation and creating and fostering the unhappy life they will inevitably live together.
and that bleeds into everything else in her life, of course, because as the years go on, as the visions grow in number it just makes sense for her to fall into the predictability of her life. she always knows whats going to happen, her visions are Never wrong- so why try to change things? shes had time to process tragedies days, weeks, months, years before they happen, shes had time to settle into every crack of her life. her parents divorce, her various break ups, her future with the psychonauts.
“and she's already seen so much of a future with [nils] she feels trapped almost. Like she has to be happy in it or else it just means her life is miserable. And it's a mixture of pride and fear of the unknown that keeps her clinging to the One thing she knows. BUT LIKE!!! She knows what's gonna happen! It's easier to grieve when she's been grieving for years... She wants so badly to be happy, But to do that she has to step into the unfamiliar. And that's more terrifying than staying the same miserable person she's always been.”
and thats where franke comes in— and yeah you Do have to take a lot of liberties for frankes character since it’s basically, like, all the info for her is just that shes a Supreme Baby Dyke but thats enough for me. i think she has protective butch itch in her . on campster shes defensive over other women evidenced in the way she keeps watch over the girls cabins for lili when elton is pursuing her . but shes also eager to please and constantly trying to make kitty laugh and also Very naive. but she tries! and i think it only solidifies more as she gets Older and really gets a hold of her feelings & her powers. this is incredibly franke to me
and i think as they grow older together— because i think franke and elka Do stay friends, both because elka is just pathetic and needs that positive connection even if she doesnt realize it and because i think franke is a very Loyal person & annoyingly persistent if you let her be . and i am also a kitty/franke truther. because kittys also important in this web we weave
because i think franke and kitty stay together after camp, to a point— theres a falling out facilitated on kittys end and they break up, but reconnect, and franke kind of... saves kitty from herself a little, from her strict military father whos love only extends thru finances , from her own stifling future , she drives all the way to bakersville in her shitty van handmedowned from her dad and they move in together eventually . they get jobs at the motherlobe , because it’s a pipeline to a decent job, because it’s whats easy, because franke doesn’t really have a future, because she’s never really been good at much, because shes never had much sense, because franke doesnt really care as long as she can live and help, sometimes, if she can, and because kitty’s there, and because elka’s there, and shes so used to being elkas eyes now and shes good at it. shes good at being the muscle of the missions when her colleagues lack it, when hypnosis and predictions arent enough. she likes it that way.
and elka appreciates frankes company. she listens, shes sweet, she does little things for her that no ones ever really put the effort for before; she likes her. franke is strong and bold and makes her laugh and shes always there but god elka cant let go of that future, of that box shes put herself in, that her mothers put her in, of being a Good Wife to a Loving Husband, of getting married normally and falling into unfailing familiarity. thats all shes ever wanted and shes not going to jeopardize that . not for franke, who may not be a boy but is handsome like one, whos always held her after every break up with nils and the men that filled empty days inbetween.
and elka is too stubborn to recognize those feelings anyway. too prideful to accept a way out. too set in her cycle no matter how much she hates it, her little self fulfilling tragedy of her own making, wallowing in her own doom. she struggles for control of her own life when she feels like every choice has been made for her anyway, she puts up her walls and carefully constructs what people see. but franke was always harder to trick, because while empathy isnt a particularly useful psychic power it’s certainly an inconvenient one. all franke has to do is get too close and all those carefully crafted walls fall apart, and elkas control is gone, and thats all she really has. and she tries to distance herself, really she does, but franke is also too persistent. and elka wears gloves, keeps contact that would make her walls crumble from happening as best as she can, but she cant really keep herself from the brief moments where she feels like someone actually fucking cares about her.
and that slightest lack of control, the need to wrestle it back is why she proposes to nils the next time theres a falling out— she knows how it happens, she plans every detail. and he accepts, despite everything. gets her a cheap ring and it feels like lead on her finger and its nothing at all like how shed thought it to be when she was a kid, theres no feather light feeling in her chest, only that dreadful reality that she cant turn this back. BUT WHAT CAN U DO LMAO
elka doesnt tell franke about this engagement until later, on their way back from a mission. late at night when neither of them can sleep, and franke invites elka to smoke in her van, because its been so long since theyve been alone like that, because elkas been so strangely absent lately. and because of everything, because frankes always so damn nice, because elka hates the feel of the ring on her finger, because she let herself get high alone with franke fucking athens whos always been so good at pulling her apart— the truth of it all spills out and its messy and emotional and she hates it, she hates the life shes made for herself, but franke makes it easier to bare and now shes here and shes so close and god she wishes she could see her smile again, she wishes she could see franke, thats all she needs right now and she cant but she can touch her and she can hold her and for tonight, she can be known, she can let those walls crumble, she can be something else just for once here with franke . she can kiss her here in this van, touch that happiness for just a moment, and forget the future that waits for her outside of it. franke begs her to forget the wedding, to just let herself be happy— and god, she wants to, but it means turning her back on everything shes known and everything shes saw to be inevitable, and franke has never been in her future, so if it were supposed to work out why hadnt she seen it and she cant, she cant take that risk but she can have this, even if its temporary, she can have it.
and just as soon as she gets a taste of it, its gone. after that night, after the missions over and theyre back at the motherlobe and have to pretend like nothing happened (franke doesnt, of course she tells kitty about it, she tells kitty about everything.) but that brief moment together haunts elka every time she sees franke, sees herself through frankes eyes, sees herself in her wedding dress because god its all franke can think about! of course it is! she knows how much elkas destroying herself she knows how much misery shes wallowing in that kiss in the van felt like an emotional punch to the teeth and she hasnt ever forgotten it and all she can do is sit and watch while elka throws herself into a loveless marriage. she can come to her wedding and see the way the bride and groom kiss with the emotional weight of a wet towel no matter how hard elka tries to hide it under a pretty dress and bouquets of flowers and meticulous planning.
and elka resents nils but she cant really hate him, its not his fault, not really. he feels trapped just like she does and his feelings of misery only cycle back into hers . they fight and gnash and wear away at each other and its a relationship thats crashed and burned a million times before elka even said i do. and its inevitable that she falls into her mothers habits, a sip of wine here and there to loosen up, until it turns to a glass, until it falls into a bottle on nights when whatever work nils does runs late.
but franke’s still there. shes always been there, hasn’t she? always trying to play knight, always trying to save her, dragging her home when shes stumbling over herself because god who else is going to do it but her? who else is left to care? certainly not nils. never nils. because franke knows her. because franke pities her. shes always pitied her. shes always known. and elka hates it, she resents it, but god in the same breath she’s desperate for it, she envies it to her very bones. elka is a mess but after frankes done with her she has someone to go back to that loves her. and god what elka wouldnt do to have that. to take it and keep it for herself because shes never ever got to have that movie romance shes always wanted.
so now comes this.
because elkas particularly miserable and particularly spiteful and she needs to get franke to understand, just for a moment, drink with her and get on her level and she needs her there with her no matter how her pity makes her feel. no matter how much it makes her shake with anger and envy and desperation, but god the way franke looks at her, the way she still tries to salvage what they have, the soft, slurred way she tells her that it’s okay but its not okay, none of this is okay, it never has been and she just wants franke to shut up and see that, and if she cant then she’ll show her, she’ll show her all the raw angry desperation, with too much teeth and hands that claw and grab and she’ll know why everyones always said she’s too much.
and she knows this puts her on nils’ level too. that this makes her a cheater, that shes no better than he is now. no better than her father and his affair. but god, she wants to be selfish. she wants to be in control. just for once. she wants to feel right and she wants to feel happy and she wants to feel loved. thats all shes ever wanted. and franke will let her have that, just for a little while, at the very least.
anyway. sorry. sorry for being crazy . this isnt even getting into the shit after the comic takes place . elkas stupid brainworld thag she has to overcome in order to finally be allowed in the polycule and live happily ever as worlds first lesbian divorceman
sorry for all the shit i make up instead of caring about actual characters with screentime . bye !
#ive spent months on thsi stupid lesbian toxic yuri slow burn relationship so you all better clap or im blowing this building up#psychonauts#elka doom#franke athens#ill paint the town red
697 notes
·
View notes
Text
final finale thoughts!!
things i loved about the finale
QUEER GODDESS PATHEON YEAAAAAAH!!! i thought it was such a good way to find a happy medium between kristen committing to a worldview that felt authentic and nuanced without being catholic™ about it
everything to do with the scene of Ankarna trying to offer retribution to each of the bad kids, and each of them making peace with past wrongs instead of continuing to stew in it. i love growth!!!
FIG AND KRISTEN MIRRORING ANKARNA AND CASSANDRA
everything to do with mazey and fabian. of all the fantasy high couples aside from fidayda, these two feel the most like they make sense together- they have similar interests, they have similar values, fabian had a crush on her even when she was being 'uncool' (eg. twister) and how mazey actually picked up on that and appreciated the way he used his perceived coolness to extend it to others who might be picked on otherwise. this is the couple i most hope go the distance even post aguefort adventuring academy (again, aside from figayda ofc but i literally cannot imagine those girls breaking up over anything)
fabian's fetus sibling outnemesising him despite fabian building an animosity towards them the whole season before they were even conceived. peak fantasy high insanity
controversial but i thought the maryann/gorgug being introduced and canonised in all of 15 minutes was hilarious. it was very teen of them in a way that felt authentic. my ideal scenario for them is an end of year fling that becomes amicable exes bc they truly have nothing in common beyond thinking the other is hot (real of them) but i dont have a strong opinion on whether they should break up or not
also maybe controversial but i like that kalina is straight up bloodthirsty. she felt like an equal opposite to bakur- rather than being a devoted servant who became corrupted by proxy, she was trying to corrupt her deity into a form she preferred. thematically it extends to the complementary opposites thing ankarna and cassandra have going on (though i get it might be a reach).
"... thats a four. you know what it's for we don't have to talk about it"
squeem
riz coming in clutch with the character arc right at the last moment. i joked ab his neuroticism being part of his natural swag, but im glad murph not only made sure riz FINALLY addressed the way he was burning himself out, but also that by extension, he was burning out both fig and kristen bc riz has a very calculated idea of 'success' and while he had the best intentions, those two dont fit neatly into it
THE HOLD PERSON OVER THE LAVA??? RIZ'S 'very good on paper, but no practical application."??? i screamed
a second blimey-related divine intervention roll by K2 leading her to getting pinnochioed into a real straight british girl, in real non-dnd britain, is the best thing thats ever happened in fantasy high. a simulacrum was so powerful brennan had to do the dnd equivalent of sending her to a barn upstate.
adaine and aelwyn talking about killing their mother over icecream can be something that is so personal...
siobhan's incredible play with the earworm??? phenomenal, i gasped out loud
fig maybe moving into fabian's house even after she drops out so fabian won't be alone again... what if i threw up blood actually
i liked kipperlilly copperkettle being confirmed to be rotten to the core. 'the ritual looks very different when one accepts rage willingly' GOOD!!! i like evil ambitious teenage girls who try to burn the world down to get what they want. i get why they didnt bring her back, that detail definitely cemented her as in the zayne/penelope category of 'past villains who could possibly be redeemed'
FIG AND AYDA MY LOVES!!! sorry but not even the lesbian goddesses are doing it like these two. brennan put his whole pussy into creating ayda aguefort and my life has been changed forever
zac once again dming K2's alternate universe campaign
things i hated
ik it was payoff to the running bit and it made me cackle when it was revealed, but the implications of hallariel and gilear having a baby are so bad to me. fig talks up gilear a lot, and sure, he came around to being a good dad to her, but gilear has objectively been a shit stepdad to fabian and hallariel... is hallariel. its got to sting was watch your mom be basically catatonic for your entire life, and then suddenly prove that she was capable of being an present mother the whole time- just not for you. im hopeful that senior year will address this though!! lou has always been so good giving his characters' weighty emotional arcs that feel satisfying
i dont like the implication of trackerbees getting back together. i never thought bladebees was good beyond a realistic rebound, but trackerbees was SO codependent together, i dont think its a coincidence that kristen had her best emotional intelligence moments when forced to think things through on her own. tracker always struck me as kind of a 'fixer' type, like she feels most comfortable with someone she can act caretaker-y to (hence bouncing off kristen to another girl who had similar issues). i really reaaaally hope they dont regress back into their s2 dynamic
ruben's memory wipe. i thiiink the implication is that those who were the most willing to follow through on porter's orders maintained more of their memories bc they were in control of themselves and those who didn't were compelled into obedience (which might be why ivy and oisin remember more), but it wouldve been nice to actually see the lucy/ruben close friendship brennan said they had with him sobbing and apologising to her
it felt very weird that kristen didnt get some kind of resolution to her yearlong gentle prodding at bucky?? i think ally got sidetracked with the possibility of kristen getting back together with her ex that it kind of slipped from their mind (maybe bc to them the ankarna vision of her upbringing was kristen resolving her feelings towards her family but still), but considering all of elmville was coming apart, i feel like bucky's faith could've been swaying into doubt pretty easily. idk maybe bc ive become a trackerbees hater over the season but it felt annoying that that was what ally focused in on and not their character's more meaningful relationship with her little brother
#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#fantasy high#riz gukgak#adaine abernant#fabian seacaster#gorgug thistlespring#figeroth faeth#kristen applebees#fhjy spoilers#squeem
65 notes
·
View notes
Note
this is my first time requesting for a writing prompt so i apologize if i have a hard time describing it, but may i request nsfw (and maybe sfw) head canons of jason todd with a s/o thats a very violent vigilante but is very overly attached to jason
Omg yes, I’ve been wanting to find something Jason Todd to write for a while 😂
Jason Todd x Vigilante!reader sfw and nsfw head cannons
Warnings: smut, mentions of past trauma(bc it’s Jason Todd), reader is a vigilante with a violent streak, swearing, gn!reader, I took it in a very yandere-ish direction
(More detailed warnings before the nsfw part)
Sfw
Jason is shocked to come back to life and find there’s already another blood thirsty vigilante running the streets of Gotham, he just has to meet you.
And when he does he’s a little less surprised to find that you remind him exactly of himself. Vengeful and trying to keep justice in a more ‘efficient’ way than Batman ever could.
You notice him more around you in underground bars like the iceberg lounge, always trailing just a little behind you.
You think you’ve got a stalker, and you’re partially right.
His interest in you quickly turns into a crush one night when you grab him by his collar and demand to know why he’s been following you.
So he tells you, he’s always been an honest guy, never caring enough to bother lying or covering up what he really felt. Usually, that is.
As soon as you agree to be something with him, he’s almost a different person. Though it takes a while to break through that confident, cocky exterior he likes to front.
Soon enough though, you get to see the Jason that cares for his brothers, the Jason that’s a book nerd, the Jason that is deathly afraid of being a failure to the people he loves the most.
You soon discover he’s not all he pretends to be, and sometimes all he wants in the whole world is a few moments of peace with the person he cares for most in this world(you).
Often times(if you work a day job or do vigilante stuff in the day) you’ll find you always arrive later then you had before meeting him. He has a tendency to hold on to you and not let go in the morning.
Jason tries to hold out on you meeting his family for as long as he possibly can, especially Dick. He sees Dick as the highest standard, what he failed to be as robin. He (irrationally) fears like you’d leave him for his elder brother.
When you finally meet the rest of the bat family, they’re all just happy he’s found someone who loves him, and who he’ll actually let in.
You don’t know it, but as soon as you spend a night in his bed(or let him spend the night in yours) he’s already thinking about marrying you.
Maybe not in an official, traditional wedding way, but he’d put a ring on your finger just so he got to show everyone just how serious he is about you.
The intimacy of sleeping next to someone, the trust that they won’t stab you in your sleep(especially given your bloody history) is something Jason doesn’t take lightly.
If you like reading, he’ll recommend you books of all kinds. He’s had a lot of time to think and reflect on himself, most of which he had a book in his hands.
Speaking of hands, his are extremely rough and calloused. Years of scarring etched beautifully into his skin. He isn’t insecure exactly, he knows it shows he’s a survivor. How strong he is. But when his rough hands are on your skin he can’t help but feel like he’s too broken for you.
He isn’t easily consolable. He’s good at pretending your assurances worked as you’d planned, then overthinking the issue the rest of the day. But you quickly learn his tells, and call him out for it. To which he’s surprised at first, but just a little more in love with you.
He isn’t good at saying the words ‘I love you’. Not at first. He’s scared that once he lets those three words slip from his lips that you’ll be taken away from him.
When he does finally get used to saying it, it will be rare that he doesn’t say it during a conversation with you.
When he’s leaving for a patrol, you receive a kiss on the cheek, or even a deep and telling kiss on the lips, and a quick “I love you, see you tonight.” Before he’s out the door.
Or just before you fall asleep, you’ll get a passionate string of beautifully picked out words that Jason would never admit while fully awake.
When he’s been on missions that take him to other cities, he can’t fall asleep without you on the phone. Without your steady breathing soothing him to sleep. It gets to the point that there was a time when his phone ran out of battery, and he awoke immediately in a cold sweat. Forgetting he wasn’t next to you. He came home the next day. Unable to stand the thought of not being able to see you, to hold you.
Now in terms of you being overly attached to him, he wouldn’t say he ‘minds’ exactly.
He doesn’t want you to get hurt if something ever happens to him. He reminds you all the time that he can quite literally die almost every night. To which you shrug off. Making him laugh every time.
If you’re clinging onto him physically, he doesn’t mind at all. He loves your warmth and the pressure of your body against his. Especially if your on top of him. The weight of you on his chest gives him so much comfort it’s surreal.
Nsfw
Warnings: smut(obvi), mentions of rough sex, gn!reader and gn!body terms, heavy degradation, praise though too(separate),
He leans into being more dominant in bed. He likes the control and the ability to help you feel good.
He can be extremely rough if he’s had a stressful day. Railing into you with your legs hooked tightly over his shoulders. His hands on your waist. Squeezing the soft flesh while he chases both of your releases.
His words degrading and harsh. “Hey? Who owns this body huh? Spit it out slut.”
Sometimes he’ll edge you for hours while he gets himself off, painting your chest and face in his hot sticky cum.
But on the other side of the spectrum he can be very gentle if it’s appropriate. If it’s an intimate moment he has no trouble peppering kisses all over your beautiful body. Praising you until you can barely think.
“So good, so fucking beautiful for me yeah?”
He’s all for breathy whispers, whispering in your ear what he wants you to do. How he’s gonna make you cry his name from the pleasure.
He loves giving you head. But particularly taking it excruciatingly slow. Paying attention to every detail. Every expression or sound you make when he touches certain spots with his tongue.
Also being a Vigilante, you have scars yourself. Physical and emotional. He kisses all of them. Tells you how strong and gorgeous every one makes you look. How absolutely perfect he thinks you are.
Sometimes things slip out while you’re going at it. Words he never intended for anyone to hear. But he just gets so caught up in the moment, he can’t help himself.
“Want me to put a ring on your finger yeah? Want me to make you my pretty (wife/husband)”
I think for awhile after he came back he used sex as a way to cope, experimenting with his body and trying things he’d never thought to try before. It worked well enough for a little while, allowed him to take out his energy in a much needed outlet.
He was tortured and kidnapped when he was still a teenager, sometimes he needs to express that anger and resentment in a healthy scenario. Sex is a free, safe, and easy way to do so.
He insists on practicing safe words with you, sometimes even he needs to opt out for a water break or something like that.
After the fact, he’s extremely sweet on you. Cleaning you up however you need. Whether it’s with a wet cloth, a warm bath, or with his tongue.
He likes to hold you in the afterglow of sex, chests heaving, skin glazed over in sweat. He pulls you close against his chest, a hand on your thigh, holding you as close as he can get you. Whispering sweet praises.
“You did so well my love, so good for me.”
Hope you enjoyed this, I’m working on more requests at the moment 😘
178 notes
·
View notes
Note
hey baee that last fic u did was so good i literally loved it tysm it was so cute!! i have another request - could you write smth where the reader is the 5th member of the band and tom has lit been in love w her since they were kids, and it’s only when they’re like 16/17 that he finally accepts it and confesses to the reader?? like it’s so unlike him to be all soppy and stuff so he didn’t wanna accept his feelings and he’s like super nervous bc he doesn’t wanna like ruin the friendship or anything but ofc the reader likes him back 😋😋 THAT WAS SO LONG LMAO and super specific again but anyways tysm 💗💗💗
i know you ~ tom kaulitz
ty for requesting bb! I’m so happy you liked the last one!! hopefully this one is okay too! enjoy💗💗 if anyone wants, feel free to request
warnings: swearing, yelling, drinking, partying, kissing, thats it i think ??
a/n~ thank you for 100 followers!! I sound stupid saying that but seriously the support means so much to me, gustav req coming soon!! stay tuned and enjoy this little piece for now💟 also thank you for all the comments and messages, I LOVE YOU GUYS🫶
(okay but angry love confessions >>>)
sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes !!
~
“are we doing anything tonight?”, i asked, laying down on the tour bus’ couch. My legs were draped across bills, he had insisted. We had been on the schrei tour for about a month now. the change from regular life to tour life was insane. we were on the schrei tour, about a couple months or so in. We had a little trouble adjusting at first, we were all getting into a lot of arguments, but now we were fine. Bill and Tom still get into arguments a lot, though. Tom has been acting weirder than usual, and i kinda felt like most of this behavior was aimed at me. It felt like he was distant, and I couldn’t figure out why. I have had a crush on Tom for just about as long as I can remember, but I always pushed away those feelings because I loved our friendship too much, and I didn’t want to confess to him and for there to be a rift in between us. I knew for a fact he didn’t like me back. He had so many absolutely gorgeous fan girls who liked him, so there was no way he liked me. He was also kind of a player. That hurt a little at first, but just like the whole situation, I learned to live with it.
“Uhh, i dont think so. We could do something, though. I wouldn’t mind.”, Bill replied, typing something on his phone. The door to the bus opened, and Tom walked in. The smell of cigarettes followed him. We were waiting on Georg and Gustav to finish up the grocery shopping. I thought he was going to go sit down on his bed, but I was wrong. He was staring down at me.
“What?”, i asked.
“Sit up. I wanna sit on the couch too.”, he said flatly. I groaned and sat up for a second, my legs still over Bills. I looked back and saw that Tom was sat behind me, both of his arms resting on the top of the couch. I fell back onto his lap, my head resting on top of his legs. I felt him tense up under me. He raised his eyebrows at me in a judgy way and I rolled my eyes.
“Who said I’m allowing you to do that?”, he said in a bratty tone.
“Deal with it.”
“I guess I will because it doesn’t really seem like I have a choice.”, he huffed.
“Okay, I’m tired of your guys’ bickering, I’m going to go check on Gustav and Georg and see what is taking them so long. Hans is in the store too, I guess he got tired of sitting and driving all day. I’ll be back soon.”, Bill said, lifting my legs up and letting himself get up. Before either Tom or I could protest, he left.
The silence engulfed us. It felt awkward, and I hated it. I had known Tom since we were seven. He had always been a bit of an asshole, but he was nice too. Lately I had just been getting asshole Tom. He seemed somewhat normal with everyone else, except for me. I started to overthink. Did he find out I liked him? Was he uncomfortable around me now? Did he think I was weird?
“sorry for laying on you, I’ll get up.”, i quickly said as I began to sit up. Tom grabbed my shoulder and pushed me back down into his lap.
“No. You can stay. If you want.”, he said flatly.
“Oh… okay, yea.”
I looked up at him as he gazed back down at me. I couldn’t figure out what was going on with him. What had changed between us? When he was a kid, he would treat me just like he treated everyone else in the band.
“Is everything okay?”, i asked softly.
“What do you mean?”
I could tell he knew exactly what I meant.
“Oh, I don’t know, it’s stupid, nevermind.”, I looked away.
“No, tell me.”, he used his finger to direct my chin back toward him. His eyes were slightly narrowed.
“I don’t know, Tom, you just seem different, that’s all. I feel like you haven’t been yourself lately, but I’m probably just dumb and it’s all in my head.”
He didn’t say anything.
“I’m sorry.”, i immediately apologized in fear of making him angry.
“Why? You have no reason to be.”
Everything he did confused me.
“Okay, well, I just feel like you’ve been a little distant.”
“I haven’t been.”, he said. He sounded a little bit annoyed.
“Okay, sorry.”
“Will you stop saying sorry?”, he lashed out.
I froze. He usually never yelled at me. He knew I hated when people yelled at me. No matter what the situation was, if someone yelled at me, I would cry. He knew that. I sat up and he tried to get me to stay. I shrugged him off and stood up.
“Um, I think I’m gonna go take a nap in my bunk, I’m pretty tired.”, I mumbled.
“Just wait-“
“Leave it, Tom.”, i said quietly before walking away and over to my bunk. I heard Tom curse underneath his breath. I laid down, and about a minute after doing so, I heard everyone load back onto the bus.
“Okay, we have about two hours left in our drive to Dresden and then you guys can get checked into your hotel and do whatever you want for the rest of the day.”, Hans, our driver, announced. Everyone agreed.
“Where’s did she go?”, i heard Bill ask. He sounded confused.
“Her bed, she’s taking a nap.”, Tom replied.
“What did you do now?”, Bill teased.
“Fuck off.”, Tom said back.
“Calm down.”, Georg said.
“Can we just go?”, Tom yelled up to the front of the bus at Hans.
I felt the bus start to move. I got under the covers. I was still very in love with Tom, and the way he was acting towards me hurt me so much. I didn’t know what I did wrong. I missed the way things were. I silently cried for a minute, I felt so stupid. He shouldn’t have this kind of effect on me. I hated crying. I felt like a baby. I fell asleep within a few minutes, trying to forget about what was happening.
~
I felt the bus come to a sharp stop. I blinked my eyes open. I could hear Tom and Bill arguing. I couldn’t see them because I was in the back of the bus, but whatever they were talking about, sounded serious. I stood up and walked over to the cracked door. They couldn’t see me, and I could only see a sliver of them.
Bill was standing up, lecturing Tom about something.
“If you like her, why don’t you just tell her??? I don’t get it.”
“I don’t fucking like her, just fuck off.”, Tom spat back at him.
“Yes you do! It’s obvious! You have since, forever! We can all see that you do. We also all see you treat her like she’s nothing, don’t you think that hurts her?”
“It is kind of obvious.”, Gustav trailed off. They were probably talking about one of the many girls Tom was leading on. He always did this. It didn’t surprise me.
“Shut up, Gustav. And so what if I do like her? How is that any of your business? I’m not going to jeopardize the band or anything else for that matter for some silly crush.”
“It’s not a silly crush, Tom. You’re in love with her.”, Bill said. It was silent.
My stomach dropped. So that’s why he’s been acting all weird. He’s in love with another girl. I couldn’t listen anymore. I stepped out the door and stretched, acting like I heard nothing.
Everyone’s eyes darted to me.
“Good morning, everyone! We are here?”, i said as cheerfully as possible. I wanted to play it off like I was completely fine and like the boy I’ve been in love with since I was seven wasnt in love with some other girl I didn’t even know.
“You just woke up?”, Georg asked. Everyone looked a little worried.
“Yea! Your guys’ fucking yelling woke me up so I figured you were probably arguing over the set list, of course you were dicks are deciding without me so I wanted to come and help choose.”, I laughed. Acting skills, on point. The band looked relieved.
“Well, if that’s over then let’s go get settled into the hotel.”. I suggested. Everyone nodded.
Hans went into the hotel lobby and got us checked in while we unpacked all of our stuff onto caddys. He came back, handed us our keys and told us our floor and room numbers. Georg and Gustav shared a room, as well as Bill and Tom. I had a room to myself, it had always been that way.
We took our stuff inside and went up the elevators into our hotel rooms. I unpacked my stuff pretty quickly before going over to Bill’s room to try and make plans for tonight.
I knocked on their door. Tom cracked it open and squinted his eyes at me before opening it all the way. I pushed past him but he grabbed me and pulled me back.
I furrowed my brows at him and tried to continue walking, but he wouldn’t let me.
“Can you not be so stubborn and just hear me out?”, he said. I stopped trying to get out of his grasp and crossed my arms over my body. I widened my eyes and shook my head a little, giving him a cue to start talking.
“I didn’t mean to yell at you earlier. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s with me lately, but you’re right, i havent really been myself.”
I sighed. I didn’t want him to feel bad, especially for loving another girl. It was rare that Tom genuinely liked someone, and I didn’t want to get in the way of that.
“I know why, Tom. Its okay, I understand now. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable or something. I wont get so close to you anymore.”
He looked so confused.
“Wait what? What do you mean ‘uncomfortable’? And I never said I didn’t want you close to me? What are you talking about?”
“Tom, I know you. You’re like my bestfriend, its okay. You don’t have to keep secrets from me. And im not gonna be upset if you don’t want me to be as touchy and stuff with you. I wouldn’t want to do anything to affect your relationship or whatever you are deciding to call it.”
“What are you talking about?”, he asked. He was acting so shocked. Then Bill walked out of the bathroom. Since he clearly wasn’t comfortable with telling me about the girl he was in love with, I wasn’t going to push, so I changed the subject.
“Bill!”
“Oh, hi!”, he smiled, noticing me.
“I was thinking, what if we went to a club tonight?”
“OH MY GOSH, YES!!! please! I need to party, I’ve been so drained from always doing shows, that would be just what I need. you’d come too, right, Tom?”, Bill asked.
“Yea, I guess.”, Tom nonchalantly replied. He acted as if he was too good for that stuff.
“Go tell Georg and Gustav.”, Bill instructed.
“Why do I have to? Why can’t you?”, Tom complained.
“Because you know I take the longest to get ready! It’s getting late already so I’d like to leave sooner than later.”
“Ugh, fine.”, Tom said, rolling his eyes before leaving the room.
“What’s his deal?”, i asked.
Bill hesistated.
“Uhh, i dont know, he’s been weird. Tom will get over it soon though, don’t worry.”
“Oh, okay… it doesn’t have anything to do with me, right?”, i asked, trying to slyly investigate.
I saw Bill physically get taken aback.
“Uhhhhh no! No, I don’t think so. Why do you ask?”
“Uh i just feel like he’s been acting weird towards me I guess. We used to like jokingly flirt and be pretty close but we don’t ever really do that anymore and it feels kind of weird, but I think I know why.”
“Oh… and why is that?”
“He’s in love with somebody. I don’t know who, but it’s probably one of the girls he’s slept with. I think Tom just feels weird with me being how I used to be like with him because he is in love with her, y’know what I mean?”
“Wait-wait, where did you get this from?”, Bills mouth was agape.
“Don’t be mad but I heard you guys arguing on the bus. I heard only part of it. I don’t know why I didn’t say anything, but obviously the rest of the guys know and Tom is refusing to tell me too. He doesn’t know I already know, but I don’t really understand what is stopping him from telling me.”
“Oh… I see.”, Bill said, contemplating his next words.
“I think he will tell you when he’s ready, I think he just wants you to approve of him and he thinks highly of you. I also think you make him a little nervous.”, he finally added.
“Me? Make Tom nervous? Funny, but no way.”, I laughed. Bill made a face and shrugged.
“Okay, I’m gonna go get ready, I’ll see you in like 45.”, I said, turning for the door.
“Wait!”
“Hm?”
“I have a question, answer honestly, please.”
“What is it Bill?”
“Do you have feelings for Tom?”
I could feel myself immediately get flustered and my cheeks start to get red. Fuck fuck fuck.
“What?”, i laughed awkwardly.
“Please, I’m your bestfriend, you can tell me if you do.”
“Why do you even think that? Tom is my best friend just like you are.”
“You aren’t denying it.”
“Bill, please.”
“Do you?”, he asked again.
I gave him pleading eyes, asking him to leave it alone.
“Bill…”
“You can tell me anything. I wouldn’t judge you at all.”, he placed his hands on my shoulders.
I sighed again. Even if I said I didn’t, I knew Bill wouldn’t believe me.
“Maybe?”, i scrunched my face up a bit.
Bill smiled.
“Why are you so happy?”, i asked, unclear on whatever was going on in his head.
“No reason…”
“Please, Bill. Don’t say anything to Tom. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, he means too much to me. And I don’t want to get in the way of his relationship with this girl.”
Bill smiled at me again. He shook his head.
“I promise I won’t. And if I were you, I wouldn’t worry about another girl.”
“I thought he loves her though?”
“Just dont worry about it, go get ready!! And look hot! Not that you don’t already, but go get more hot!”, he said pushing me to the door, a smile permanently engraved on his face.
“Bill- wait Bill-“I stuttered as he pushed me out the door.
“Hm?”
“Please, I’m serious. Don’t say anything.”
“I won’t. Boyscouts honor.”, he held two fingers in the air before slamming the door in my face. I was greeted by Tom leaning against the wall. I flinched, I hadn’t seen him because he was standing behind the open door. His arms were crossed over his chest.
“Jesus, fuck! You scared me.”, i yelled.
“Don’t say anything about what? What were you guys talking about?”
“Nothing.”
“I hate when you keep secrets from me.”
“You’re one to talk.”, i replied, defensively.
“What? Was it about me? Are you embarrassed or something?”, he took a step closer to me, his face now adorned with a smug grin. I scoffed.
“Get over yourself, Tom. The world doesn’t revolve around you.”
“Maybe not, but sometimes I begin to think you do.”, he teased.
I rolled my eyes and turned around to go to my hotel.
“Be ready soon!”, he called after me as i slammed the door.
~
Bill banged on my door, for the third time in the last five minutes.
“HURRY UPPPPP”, he groaned. I finished zipping up my shoe before opening the door. Bill looked annoyed but as soon as he saw me, his face lit up.
“Oh. My. God.”, he said, looking me up and down.
“You like?”, i asked, already knowing the answer. I was wearing a denim mini skirt that was way too short, a black lacy top that had long belle sleeves with a pretty cleavagey v-neck. It was cropped perfectly to display my belly button ring. I of course had a ton of jewellry on too, with a bit of makeup as well. I wore platform black boots that went up part of my calf. They were leather and I had been gifted them, but I rarely got the chance to wear them.
“Obviously!”, bill exclaimed.
I walked out to see the rest of the band waiting in the hallway. They all looked a little shocked when they saw my outfit. I usually didn’t dress-up too much, mainly because I didn’t have the confidence to do so. I decided to just let go and have fun tonight.
I walked past them and they just stood there. I clicked the button for the elevator and looked back at them down the hallway.
“Are you guys coming or…?”
They scurried down the hallway and got into the lift with me. We decided to go to a club that was only two blocks away. It was a pretty popular club, and we usually got into most clubs that we tried to because of our status in Germany. The bouncer recognized us and let us skip the line. Perks of being semi-famous I guess.
The music was so loud I could barely hear my own thoughts. Bill grabbed my hand to pull me away and get drinks. I turned away and grabbed Tom’s hand, dragging him along with us. At first he just let me hold his hand, but then he held it back, letting Bill and I lead him through the crowd of drunk people.
Bill ordered us all shots. Tom watched as i downed mine, and drank his not long after. Bill snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me away to the dance floor. We danced for a little before some random girl took it upon herself to steal him away. I couldn’t really blame her though. I danced by myself for a little but got bored and decided I wanted another drink. I made my way over to the bar and ordered a drink I saw another girl have. I began to drink it slowly, looking around. I made eye contact with a guy. He was by himself, looking me up and down. He smiled and i smiled back. He had to be at least 22. He approached me and asked if he could buy me a drink, despite me not even being close to the one i just got myself. I told him that if he wanted to, he had to dance with me first. He agreed, and we went over to crowd of dancing bodies.
At first, it started pretty innocent. Just giggling, drinking, and dancing. He started to get touchy, putting his hands on my waist. He had them slowly go from my waist, downwards. I would pull away whenever he got to close to the one thing he wanted, but no matter how many times I pulled away, he would always try to do it again. I looked over and was met with Tom’s eyes. They were staring at me, a sort of gross look on his face. Was he really that disgusted by me?
“can I get you that drink now?”, he winked. I internally cringed but said yes. Free drinks? Fine by me. He ordered me something, but nothing for himself. As soon as the drink was in my hand, he was urging and pressuring me to drink if. I did. Another drink, same deal. I downed the drink, wanting him to just leave me alone about it. Even though I told him not to, he ordered another drink. I tried to push it away, but he kept pushing it towards me. Finally, he put the drink down. I tried to back up, but he pulled me into a sloppy kiss that I wanted no part of. I tried to push him off but he was too strong, or maybe I was just to tipsy.
“get off of me.”
“please, stop”
but he wouldn’t.
“I don’t want this-“, i started, yet another plea for him to stop. a pair of hands yanked me back. before i could even see who it was, I saw Tom step in front of me and push that guy into the bar counter.
“She told you to get off her you fucking pervert. Is getting girls drunk enough so they hook up with you your only hobby. Pathetic.”, he spat. The guy looked like he wanted to say something back, or fight Tom, but he just cursed under his breath and stumbled away. I felt embarrassed. I shouldn’t have let myself get in that situation.
“Thank you.”, i mumbled to Tom. He shook his head.
“Just stop. You’re really fucking stupid sometimes y’know? Putting yourself in dumb situations like that.”, he rolled his eyes as he walked away. I wasn’t going to let him be that rude and just walk away, so I followed him. I watched as he weaved through people. I followed hom, but not to closely. I saw him open a door and go in before practically slamming it. It was too loud for anyone to even notice. I waited a minute before going into the door as well. There were a few flight of stairs. I climbed up them. I had finally made it to the top. I opened the door. The roof.
The cold air hit my face as I stepped out, the smell of cigarette smoke filling my senses. I saw Tom, standing towards the edge of the building, smoking as he looked out at the city. I began to walk over to him. The gravel crunched underneath my boots, making him turn around.
“What the fuck is your problem to me? You’ve been such a dick and I haven’t even done anything. I just want for things to be normal.”, i said, angered.
“They aren’t normal.”, he said, taking a puff of his cig.
“And how is that in any way my fault? I haven’t done anything to you, yet you are treating me like shit. You loving some girl doesn’t mean you can act like that, it doesn’t have anything to do with me.”
“It has EVERYTHING to do with you!”, he shouted.
“What the fuck did I do?! I don’t understand what I did to make you despise me so much! Why do you hate me so much?!”, I yelled back.
“I don’t hate you, I’m in love with you, you fucking idiot!”, he yelled. His eyes widened at his own words.
I was so confused. It didn’t feel real. I could barely comprehend what he had just said.
“What?”, was all I could manage to say. He looked so nervous, his hands shaking.
“I’m fucking in love with you, okay?? I have been ever since I’ve known you. I’ve tried to push it away, I’ve always denied it, but i cant anymore. I’ve tried everything and I can’t! I’ve slept with countless girls but the only thing I’ve ever been able to think about is you. You’re always on my mind and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to get you out of my head. I’ve been being mean to try and distance you from me and make myself stop loving you but it’s fucking torture and it’s stupid and it hasn’t even worked in the slightest. Bill told me you heard us on the bus, it wasn’t some girl, we were talking about you. Its you, and it always has been. I feel sick when I see you with other guys, I get so jealous I can barely handle it. All I’ve ever wanted is you, and not having you is killing me. I’m sick and tired of pretending like I don’t love you because I do! Hate is the last thing on this earth that I feel about you. I love you so fucking much, and I’m sorry for treating you the way I have been.”, he yelled.
I could hardly believe anything I was hearing. Tom Kaulitz? In love with me? This is a prank, right? It felt like a dream.
“Are you serious?”, i asked.
“Really? After that long ass rant or about loving you, you don’t believe me?”, he dryly laughed.
“Tom, im serious, please…”
“Yes, I’ve never been more sure on something in my entire life.”
“Why now? Why haven’t you said anything?”, I asked, still unsure.
“I wanted to, but I didn’t know how to. We would flirt, but you always took it as a joke. I wasn’t joking. I loved you so much as a friend too, I was scared that if I told you, I would lose you. i also hate talking about my feelings and shit, i feel so stupid whenever I do.”
Part of me was still processing everything. Boy I had been in love with forever, loved me back. In the exact same way I loved him, he loved me. I couldn’t hold back anymore.
“fuck it, i love you too. I’ve been in love with you since we were like eight, and I never said anything because I thought I had no chance with you and I didn’t want to make things weird. The only thing I wanted was for you to stay my friend and for you to like me. When you started acting like you didn’t, I felt horrible and I felt like there was no hope for anything for us. I acted like I didn’t feel anything for you because all I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy. Even if it meant you being with someone else. I love you, Tom.”, I rambled.
He closed the distance between us. He placed his hands on each side of my jaw, his thumbs slowly caressing my cheeks. I could feel myself get goosebumps, staring up into his dark eyes.
“you were going to let me be with someone else so I could be happy? even if it meant you weren’t?”, he softly asked. I nodded.
“what did I ever do to deserve someone so sweet liek you?”, he murmured. His eyes glanced down at my lips. He took one of his thumbs and pulled it across my bottom lip, tugging down at it gently.
“God, you don’t even know how long I’ve wanted to kiss you.”
“How long?”
He laughed.
“Forever. I want to kiss you now more than ever.”
“Prove it.”
He chuckled at my boldness. Tom leaned in, our noses brushing against each other. I couldn’t stand the teasing anymore, I had waited too long. I dipped his face and pulled him down. Tom, smiling into the kiss at my neediness. It was so passionate, I could kiss his mmm forever. Our lips fit together like puzzle pieces. I pulled him in more, unsure if he was even able to get any closer than he already was. he tasted like Marlboro Reds and liquor. I loved it, I couldn’t get enough of him. One of his hands found its way down to my waist, while the other one tangled itself in my hair. He tugged ever so slightly, earning a soft groan from me. Tom smiled at this, getting the exact reaction he wanted. He pulled away, our foreheads resting against each other.
“fuck, you look so pretty. I wanted to tell you how good you looked earlier tonight but i was too scared.”, he mumbled. I smiled, the sweetness that I had missed was returning to Tom. I pulled him back into another kiss, the first one being incredibly addicting. Our tongues fought for dominance, of course he won.
The door to the roof swung open, startling both Tom and I. We attempted to pull away, but I before I could even see who it was, I heard Bill’s voice.
“I was looking for you guy- OH MY GOD.”, he said, a little shocked. his face quickly turned into a smile.
“What took you guys so long?”, he teased.
“Oh shut up.”, Tom laughed, his hand now around my waist.
“Well, I ordered us some more shots, so… c’mon. you guys can finish whatever this is later.”, he smiled, waking back into the building.
“let’s go inside.”, i said.
Tom kissed me again, this time with the full intent of being sweet and gentle.
“it feels weird to say out loud now, but I love you.”, he said into my ear. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. I looked back up to him, seeing the very boy that i fell in love with all those years ago.
“I love you, too.”
~
a/n #2 ~ THIS WAS SO LONG IM SORRY. also sorry for this taking so long the first one I wrote DELETED😕 I’m on vacation right now but I hope you guys enjoyed this long ass story.
#bill kaulitz#tokio hotel#tokio hotel fanfic#tokio hotel fluff#tokio hotel x reader#tom kaulitz#tom kaulitz x you#tom kaulitz fanfic#tom kaulitz fluff#tom kaulitz angst#tom kaulitz x y/n#tom kaulitz x reader#tom kaulitz smut#tokio hotel imagine#tokio hotel bill kaulitz
369 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
blackstrawberry805
Hejo
viveinmensamente
Vive Inmensamente
lostgoats
stray kids incorrect quotes!
wildjuniperjones
Juniper Jones
summerrainofthenorth
Summer Rain