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#and i got ambushed by a doctor a social worker and a scribe asking me shit like what caused your depression? why are you here?
birbtails · 22 days
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#i HATE it here#if this is what the rest of inpatient is like i have no clue how it helps anyone#not only do i have no control whatsoever over my life#(i can't choose when or what to eat or when to sleep i can't go outside i can't shave i cant even really go to the bathroom whenever i want#bc theres checks every 15 minutes and so i have to look like im doing okay bc otherwise someones going to come in and ask entirely unhelpful#questions and i can't change clothes in my room bc the window covers the whole room and it looks out directly on the entrance so theres no#privacy even between checks)#i feel like an animal in a cage#you know how bettas apparently bite off chunks of their tail when kept in a too small tank? thats how i feel#this is my 3rd full day here and still no one has told me what to expect#and i got ambushed by a doctor a social worker and a scribe asking me shit like what caused your depression? why are you here?#fuck if i know!!#i got sent to the fucking er from my meds checkup and no one's told me shit about what to expect here and i don't have Anything#i got sent to the er with my backpack and the clothes i was wearing and they took all of that away immediately at the er and they only gave#back a little bit of it when i got here and my dads been bringing me stuff but i can't even have a stuffed animal or conditioner!#i feel like im going crazy#i don't know any other way to describe it#i want to claw my skin off or tear out my hair or jump through a window or bang my head into a wall until i bleed#and i know thats definitely not something that would let me get out sooner#but i Did Not feel like this until i got here#all i can say is that i feel like a caged animal like im on display at a zoo#and they won't even tell me what's going to happen while im here
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