The pinkberry fic I want to read more than anything is 'the end'. I don't know, the more I think about Chloe the more toxic she seems. I analyze the way she behaved in canon and apply it to other aspects of her relationships and honestly, she's probably ruined Brooke's self-esteem beyond simple high school girl fights. Brooke probably bases her own value off of Chloe's opinion of her, and irreversibly so (to some extent), and I bet Chloe knows it, because she did it on purpose. I want a fic where Brooke begs in tears for Chloe to stay because she doesn't know anything but Chloe, because she's endlessly loving and forgiving and, as Chloe spent years constructing and perfecting, she's all Brooke has. And Chloe, finally, after everything, realizes the best thing she can do is leave. That the only way Brooke can ever learn to love herself is if she gets as far away as possible. As a Chloe Valentine hater, that is the only way I will ever see Chloe as truly redeemed.

F&B's Writing & Gyldayn's Intent (Watsonian/In-World)

Gyldayn uses Rhaenyra, Alicent, & other women in the original document (that he's writing in years after the actual war, with the eye of a person who has learned more of the legend than hard boiled facts) to write propaganda-istly w/in the project of writing historically. They are mean tto be "moral" examples of what not to be and what not to allow in society, again, female rulers and woman who--baseline--tried to assert the same or similar tights to me. Or in Alicent's case, tried to use her connection to a male to attain more power to her that would be traditionally given if her son had been heir & become king. Even Alicent receives subtler criticism from Gyldayn/larger Westerosi culture for her trying to gain power or doing acts out of her role because it was not power that came through a passive (not peaceful) transfer of power. I mean that she actively worked to become the next Queen "Mother" (Not regent, she was never officially that. Aemond was Prince regent and she acted as regent while he was gone) instead of passively receiving that rank as her son ascend.

While I recognize & believe that Rhaenyra should have been the ruler just for the precedent if for nothing else, the then-value of her ruling to the cultural setting was that she was chosen by the past ruler, not hat she herself was a good leader. This is the quality that ennobled her cause for others to support her. The lords who followed her wanted to because they wanted to make sure their own heirs would have stronger bases to become the next ruler/leader of their house and thus they wanted to make sure that their own authority & decisions would be stabler. Alicent troubled this element of feudal power transfer by disobeying Viserys' wishes, thus her punishment of losing all her kids is also her punishment for daring to try for power. To in-world many readers.

Many events he describes or uses others to describe is uncredible & throws doubt as to what actually might have happened as well as who these women are & how much agency they could have actually had. After all, Alicent was a royal Consort, not a Queen Regnant. She, like other lady or Queen consorts, will never have the same authority or agency that her husband & male children have (the latter in some ways). The heft of her power is relegated to the court through more subtler, "soft-power" avenues & making marriage alliances only thru her husband's permission, rather than drafting & enforcing policies, going to war, etc. Everything is done under his permission or ignorance.

And even w/Rhaenyra to become a Queen Regnant, as the heir she still has to marry & become stuck in a situation her father poorly planned & arranged for her despite her likely being clear on who she wanted to marry where she faces arguably higher chances of people coming for her position by smearing her reputation. She loses her kids bc other people wanted to take advantage of her gender & were convinced Aegon deserved the throne more than her or were just trying to get power for themselves. She gets usurped for the same. Her mother dies from Viserys/the patriarchy's pursuit of a male heir. And yet, there is proof of her having more than just the one positive female connections AND court esteem than what HotD portrays BEFORE the war.

What about the Descriptions of their Personalities OUTSIDE of F&B?

My thing is that...even with Gyldayn *maybe* trying to make or imply Rhaenyra was this terrible person bc she only wanted to avoid war to protect her kids & not--as show!Rhaenyra does--to not make victims of those most vulnerable suffer the consequences of war and war crimes:

1) [pic below] GRRM described her to Amok as the sort of person who was exactly that, so I don't think it's likely that Rhaenyra was as reserved as adult!show!Rhaenyra was, nor that she cared abt "protecting the realm" anymore than bk!Viserys or either!Otto did. This is not an F&B source. This was recorded back in *2006*.

Amok was the artist who drew the official-official art of various characters, who GRRM gave very specific instructions & descriptions to help him realize these characters, btw. The description for Rhaenyra above yielded the blow pic.

🎨: Amok

2) "The Princess & the Queen" was part of an anthology called "Dangerous Women", & the introduction [pic below] explicitly lends more credence to the concept of both Rhaenyra & Alicent having *enough* agency to want a war & assert what they thought were their dues

As much as blurbs usually give us a quick and cursory idea of what the text actually gives and how Alicent & Rhaenyra could have been labeled as "dangerous" simply for being women with considerable power relative to other women around them and most noblewomen in Westerosi history, there's also just been textual hints (AND the GRRM instructions to Amok above) of Rhaenyra not being as compliant or reserved as most of show!Rhaenys. Asking for Lucerys to be named heir of Driftmark at all while Corlys is sick in bed (in the bk, Viserys didn't arrange for this at all before she married Laenor), for example. She went out to get this for her kids (and before people try to say this is her attempting to steal Driftmark from Baela and Rhaena, once again, CORLYS--the head of that house and the only determinant of who gets to inherit it, thus Rhaenyra's supplication, never wanted a girl to inherit said house. Plus even if he did, he'd have to make the deal with Daemon, the girls' father before he could name them....bc he's not their dad nor are they a part of his "house"!). She was not summoned nor was this a thing someone else did for her.

3) Even in F&B, Rhaenyra *does* try to avoid a war (even if nothing else to protect her kids) AND warns the greens that if they backed out of their claims...that if Aegon were to give up the crown, she wouldn't come for them. Aegon angrily refused her counter terms. Independently. And there is a whole exchange abt it that spans most of the "The Blacks and the Greens" chapter. It's unlikely that this portion was heavily twisted into making Rhaneyra look bad when Aegon is the one who looks out of control AND the maesters are funded by the Hightowers, especially for HotD to completely remove Rhaenyra's famous speech to Orwyle and those prior terms.

Instead, we got Rhaenys:

insist that she is not a part of a war she really is, has always been a part of, and always will be a part of through Daemon's daughters being her granddaughters

only support Rhaenyra once Rhaenyra shows hesitance that I'd argue is unnecessary bc the two camps, like in the bk, were actually waiting on how the lords reacted to their sent ravens and were preparing for a war JIC...so really Rhaenys acts more like the reverse of the evil-bitchy woman trope stereotype that plagued GoT [post by @rhaenyragendereuphoria], further evidenced by her otherwise staying silent like a wooden post

So...

The fact that these women tried to use their wits/courage or just immediately assert themselves gain more power and lift some restrictions on their agency is itself expressed through their more "fiery" personalities and thus I believe this is necessary to show in any adaptation. I mainly speak about Rhaenyra & Rhaenys, because if they hadn't made Alicent a SA victim at 15, I'd be fine with what we got.

And...

there doesn't have to be not a 0 or negative value of power one can wield or agency one could have even as a person with a marginalized identity. HotD hasn't really shown us what exactly Alicent has & hasn't tried to do aside from constantly trying to speak directly to Viserys or how she convinced him to allow her to sit at council. Where's the journey of her accruing that power & influence?

HotD has taken some quotes from Rhaenyra especially that we can't say are examples of her being this harridan of violence and sufferign Gyldayn tries to paint her as

Basically there is a level of credit HotD doesn't really give the original characters because they misinterpreted how & why the maesters wrote F&B, obviously being "team green", but also including accounts that disparage the greens. [this post by ozymalek vs this post by poorshadowspaintedqueens]

Excerpts from ozymalek:

The Dance era in "Fire and Blood" is something that will fundamentally cause the feelings of cognitive dissonance... ......................... It did not provide easy answers, it was written as a historical account, the in-universe historians were clearly biased. People, however, had trouble realizing who the historians are biased for and against. Team Green would have you think that "F&B" is biased against the Greens, because their allegiance as maesters clearly being to Hightowers notwithstanding, they could not evade simple historical facts: that most of the kingdom supported Rhaenyra, that Greens were horrendously misogynistic and that her usurpation was clearly wrong. That's why, approaching it from the "choose your favorite war criminal" point of view, it was difficult for Greens to accept that their preferred side is so cartoonishly evil... ......................... The maester's anti-Targaryen bias, however, manages to sneak in and mess with the reader's balance, causing said cognitive dissonance. ......................... It's hard to deal with it as a reader, let alone as a showrunner who's trying to adapt a story in which not everything is set in stone. They incorrectly assumed that, because they are constantly forced to question what is happening in the story, the bias is with the underlying idea that there was a correct side. As such, they assumed that all the inconsistencies result from maesters not choosing to view it that way.

Excerpt from poorshadowspaintedqueens:

There are hints throughout Fire & Blood that women were doing more behind the scenes and that the narrator (Gyldayn) just doesn’t care, unless they were also having scandalous sex. I, for one, think there was a lot more to Rhaenyra Targaryen, for instance, than those creepy, gross “lessons” Mushroom claimed she took from Daemon when she was 13, or having illegitimate kids with Harwin Strong and being “punished” by gaining weight (which is fatphobic as well as creepy). But a lot of that requires reading into the text and between the lines, rather than taking it at face value.

So if those women would have had their reputations or actions reduced to nothing by the author...where exactly do we see HotD!Alicent, Rhaenys, & Rhaenyra do "behind the scenes" AND in public--even in conversations that superficially look amicable--to realize this thing Gyldayn ignores?!!!

[this is before we realize that this didn't work, I'm in general, how situations are arranged not as they happened or the results which belied what Gyldayn himself would not have expected if he had lived at the time]

End...

So again, yes, F&B establishes the importance of Daenerys' rise to power & the importance of why her rise is so important if for nothing else (bc there's more than the political angle) for the politics of a female ruler becoming Queen in a sexist world. Abt to come to Westeros. At the same time, while Rhaenys, Rhaenyra & Alicent's agency was severely limited...it doesn't mean they had none. They had more than what other women had & usually had & supporters or lives that made them express more..."fiery" personalities & theyr were less afriad to really use those resources. So it really seems more like people can't take haughty & proud women as protagonists.

Real women & other marginalized groups in real history had their agency suppressed as well (relatively)...doesn't mean they had a value of 0 agency or tried to gain more. That through political authority & power even behind the scenes.

So, when I see an Alicent w/o at least deciding to tell her father (after she marries) that she will accrue her own power AND for House Hightower through her kids to compete against Rhaenyra

AND

I see show!Rhaenyra's decision to go to war framed as if she is the one making THE decision to plunge them all into war unfair & a clear wrong done by HotD when:

if Aegon were to become the next king, how seriously would he take the prophecy Viserys bestowed the knowledge on to Rhaenyra?

the greens (Otto) are not even thinking in terms of what's good for "the realm", & it's very obvious

when she came up through the floor on Meleys & killed so many KL peasants, Rhaenys herself basically gave the greens more *public* incentive to declare a war on Rhaenyra & make themselves look more like "protectors" against the "evil" blacks; in whatever version any writer makes of this event in Westerosi history, it will always be true that Rhaenys' granddaughters would be perceived as problems for the greens bc they are Daemon's daughters

Just bc Gyldayn, Mushroom, Septon Eustace, Orwyle, & all those other unnamed secondary tellers might have unintentionally or intentionally twisted some real behaviors or events to make some women seem more evil or irresponsible, or tried to heave that burden of responsibility onto the women rather than Viserys, doesn't mean that the women *didn't display* "fierier" behaviors or that we can't witness specific mini-events of them trying to gain more agency & getting it, even when it pans out to them losing so much through the war. It rather highlights, to me, how those assertive qualities were demonized AND the possible agency-grasping acts were ignored. Like how Alicent isn't that culturally credited for the green council.

But why is it bad or inadvisable to allow Rhaenys, Rhaenyra, Laena, etc. to even at least sometimes act away from their "bear with it" social compulsions as aristocratic women once in a while?! Why is it so conceived as either impossible or disliked for a woman like Rhaenyra or Rhaenys like to articulate their emotions at the violent suppressions of their agency or that of the others' through anger, annoyance, "rudeness", or rage, and more comparatively more evenly distributed instead of it just Rhaenys harping on Rhaenyra or Laena on Daemon?! If we assume Gyldayn made up or twisted their worst actions/words--and not that he exaggerated them--to degrade ANY sort of passion from a woman with authority or incumbent authority as "dangerous", then why do we tolerate the extreme dilution of of theior most active actions?!

Why would all this mean we have to mute their personalities, age them down to experience even more abuse, be even more intellectually unhinged, or experience a lack of support that they DEFINITELY had in the original story? Is this not all inherently sexist?!

There is one moment in episode 8 where Rhaenyra turns away from Vaemond when he disrespectfully mocks her during the council, and it infuriates me that Rhaenyra couldn't even face him or either verbally or nonverbally mock him back...this is then type of shit I'm taking about. And this wouldn't have negated the fact that she thought it necessary to move her kids from the Keep to avoid such various degrees of the same from the wider court and for her own kids.

Let me know if this post needs something. Despite its length, I still feel there needs to be something more added or to explain some thoughts.

FFXIVWrite Day 29 - Contravention

New POV bc I've never actually written from his before. I honestly just couldn't find the right way to approach this one from Kito's POV, bc while it's part of his overarching WoL story, this particular story's weight is simply not his. When did the evil brother become a compelling character of his own and get a whole arc in my head anyway?

Don’t know my characters? Here’s a basic breakdown to help you out!

~

The end of the world was something that brought people together. Especially when it was the Scions calling them. Their journey had been long and their connections widespread, so it seemed as if nearly the entire world answered their call.

That also meant Sharlayan had too many visitors arriving at once to properly track. Or maybe they just had stopped caring when it was clear everyone was showing up for this purpose.

Either way, nobody noticed when a man wanted in three Alliance nations entered the city.

After all, his intent was the same as the rest of them.

Word had reached Kotah where he had been sitting restlessly in the Rising Stones unable to do anything. No one wanted to risk the Scions’ reputation by bringing him anywhere so he had remained. Even as the skies burned, and the very world threatened to crumble. Even as word came back of more and more death.

But the moment he’d heard about what the Scions planned to do, something had snapped. He couldn’t keep doing nothing, no matter what anyone thought.

So he’d dragged himself to Sharlayan along with every other ally the Scions had ever made. It had been easy, so many people were going that all he had to do was say he was a friend of the Scions and one of the groups had let him onto their boat in exchange for a little help moving their cargo around. He’d always wanted to go, but he’d never imagined ‘impending doom’ would be the circumstance. He had stood upon the deck of that boat as it approached the city feeling no joy, only the weight of many lives in the bag that thumped against his side with every step he took.

He knew he wouldn’t get the chance to see the city he’d always dreamed about. He didn’t deserve to anyway. But he had something to offer the cause, and he would see it into the right hands himself. His own had been the wrong ones for all too long, he would not risk allowing another to use it in that way.

It took him a bit to find Kito in the collection of people that had moved from the docks to Labyrinthos to work on the starship. But the moment they locked eyes, Kotah was ready for the lecture he got.

“What are you doing here? You can’t just walk into Sharlayan! We told you that!” Kito demanded, pulling him off to the side.

“I know. But there was something I had to give you. It’s not nearly enough, but this has a lot of aether stored in it. You know where it came from. I couldn’t place it in any hands others than yours directly” Kotah told him, opening the bag and holding its contents out.

It was an unusual stone, polished to perfection. Marred only by the strange Allagan technology fused to its surface.

Kotah knew Kito would recognize it. It had sat atop Kotah’s staff for a long time. The same staff he had taken many innocent lives with in pursuit of utter madness.

“You… you brought that here?” Kito’s eyes widened in disbelief.

“This aether was stolen. Lives were taken to collect it. Lives that didn’t deserve it. I will suffer the consequences for that for the rest of my life, as you have told me countless times. But… maybe their souls can find peace if it’s used for something good? Your ship needs power, and this is a lot of power” Kotah told him.

A part of him also just wanted to be rid of it. Looking at it made him sick. What had he done? What had he become? Would he have ever snapped out of his insanity without being forcibly removed from the world itself?

That wasn’t the man he was anymore. But that man’s shadow would always follow him. He should not and would not be forgiven. He was a terrible man, a killer and a criminal who had hurt countless people. Such things didn’t simply go away when you realized your wrongs. Not when they were that big.

There were times it broke him. The weight of his actions. Times he cursed himself for falling into that madness. Times he wished he could go back and redo his life and make everyone see him differently.

The greatest punishment of all, was simply continuing to live with it all.

But he could spend the time he still had trying to be better. And this seemed like the right choice.

“I don’t know. I don’t know if the Scions will want it. We’d have to talk to them…” Kito sighed.

“Do you want it?” Kotah asked.

Kito’s ears twitched in surprise.

“The Scions are great people. I’m glad you have them. And Urianger has become a good friend of mine. But you’re my brother. Whatever they decide, I want your thoughts first” Kotah added quickly.

“It’s… complicated. I’m not sure how I feel about it. But I think you have the right idea. That aether should be used for something good if it’s going to be used at all. And leaving it there is just asking for someone with other ideas to find it eventually, if not now then someday long after we’re dead. Using it for something truly good… I think that’s the only thing that can be done to honor those lives” Kito answered after a long moment of silent thought.

Kotah nodded, and the two of them set off to find the Scions.

How much Kito had grown. Kotah could still remember the shy child he’d been years ago, only lighting up outside their family when the conversation turned to plants. Now, even just walking across the settlement in Labyrinthos, the Miqo’te carried himself with a certain strength and nobility one could only describe as what a hero should be. He had become someone good. Someone worth following. Someone people believed in. Someone who’s legacy would continue to inspire people until the world ceased to be, as a long averted future had told them all too well.

How had Kotah ended up so far off track? They’d both suffered the same loss. And yet it had set them on such different paths. He had become someone to be feared. Someone unworthy of trust. Someone history would be quick to blot from its pages for fear his name would sully the images of the worthy.

And somehow the better one of the two was risking everything to save the world. Could Kotah really stay here yet again and wait for an unknown? Could he continue on in a crumbling world knowing his brother had died trying to save it if the worst came to pass?

His hands curled into fists, his nails digging into his palms.

No. He could not. Maybe his efforts would make no difference. But he had to try. He had to protect the family he had left. If nothing else, he could do that little bit of good for this world and for his family.

These were thoughts running through his mind, so intense that he barely even paid attention to Kito’s quick hushed conversation with the Scions as he pulled them all aside. He only heard enough to know their answer: they would accept his offering. They agreed that if anything would offer any release to these souls, it was this.

And so as they thanked him for what he’d chosen to do, he ended up blurting out what he knew he wanted to do.

“I’m coming with you. I have to. Please”

Glances were exchanged between the Scions and Warrior of Light. Kotah’s long viera ears fell against his head, making him look suddenly much smaller and less determined than he’d felt.

“I know it probably looks bad. I know my presence in anything looks bad. But I can’t let you do this alone. If you don’t come back I can’t sit here watching the world burn knowing I could have done something. And even if you succeed, what if the cost is too high? I can’t be left down here knowing this world could have had all of you. I wouldn’t be a big loss out there if it came to it, but any of you would be. Let me help you” he pleaded.

The Scions quickly gathered close together and spoke in hushed voices. It was Urianger who gave their answer, his expression soft and understanding.

“This is not a matter of politics. That has always been the primary reason thy presence has been a delicate matter. Thou hast proven thy loyalty to us back upon the First, and I would never deny thy strength when I was the one who mentored thee in astrology. But one cannot go to battle intending to give their life over to death’s grasp. Thou art welcome to fight alongside us, but do not throw thine own life away so swiftly. Thy goal must be to return alongside us” 

“I can do my best. I won’t let any of you die, but I know full well you all feel the same way about each other. And for the world with your plan to go at all. I will only risk as much as the rest of you, I promise” Kotah swore.

And that was how a criminal, a man deserving of no honor, ended up traveling to the edge of the universe alongside the world’s most beloved heroes.

Cutie absolutely, 100% needs to learn how to respect boundaries. Not just of Geordi, but of everyone around them bc clearly they are doing more damage (unintentionally) than good. What happened (the argument) is just a very unfortunate way of them having to learn that their actions have consequences, especially if said actions are repeatedly abused over a time period of several months. HOWEVER, I am so so so sick and tired of Geordi stans actively choosing to ignore all of the red flags pointing towards cutie indicating that they have some sort of unresolved past trauma that is causing them to act so overbearing.

Normal people (empowered or not, REAL LIFE OR NOT) don’t act like such a helicopter significant other unless something has caused them to act that way. And before y’all start pulling the manipulation card, I’d hope all of you realize that that was never Cutie’s intentions (we can assume this bc they are worried abt Geordi and only want to help him, which is what caused the whole situation to blow up in the first place, and when they tried to console Geordi’s intrusive thoughts at the pool party) and that they struggle with how to go about being concerned for their boyfriends mental health without mind-reading.

All I am saying is that Cutie has most likely had something traumatic happen to them, and that is why they act like a push over when it comes to caring for Geordi. Maybe they had something terrible happen to a close friend or family member because they hadn’t been overbearingly (?) concerned. Maybe they didn’t grow up in a supportive household until their powers manifested. MAYBE, CUTIE JUST LACKS SOCIAL AWARENESS SKILLS AND IS UNABLE TO IDENTIFY WHEN THEIR ACTIONS BECOME HARMFUL TO THE PEOPLE AROUND THEM. We don’t know.

And before you guys go jumping to conclusions, I AM NOT DEFENDING CUTIE’S ACTIONS. Like I said, I believe the whole situation blowing up and even really becoming something because they couldn’t respect simple boundaries is absolutely their fault. ESPECIALLY after Geordi had sat down with them months prior discussing what he was and wasn’t comfortable with. I am just saying, plain and simple, something has caused them to feel like they absolutely must know what’s wrong at all times and how they can fix it and, to that level, isn’t normal.

To sum everything up: Geordi deserves better, but Cutie deserves to be understood. Not forgiven, but at least understood.

(thank you for coming to my TED talk)

hi! (this request is heavily inspired by a kdrama i just watched called sweet home lmao) could i request a childe x gn reader fic where childe and the reader r both severely injured and the reader had to kill someone for self defense and as theyre running away the reader feeling super guilty is like “i’m so terrible i killed someone” and childe is trying to comfort them and they find a place to rest while being both on the verge of death and the reader is like “i killed someone, i’m so scared that it’ll be my last memory”and the childe is like “try to forget abt it it’s ok” and the reader is like “u don’t think abt either too” (yk implying like oh don’t think abt the ppl you’ve killed before childe, bc im assuming he’s killed a lot of ppl) and he’s like ok with a sad smile and they die together in each other’s arms holding hands?)/?:))2 help this is wayyy to detailed i’m sry but if u want the reference scene it’s from this video , they show the specific scene in time stamps 0:57-2:56 again i’m so sorry if this is too detailed or if u don’t wanna write it!!! tysm <3

memory

a/n oh my god that is just my kind of angst, thanks for the request and i hope you'll enjoy!!

prompt: honestly? dying with tartaglia (that sounds like a creepy tv show's title and i'm proud of it)

contains: tartaglia

warnings: angst, death, blood, major character death, self-blame, murder, more blood, really a lot of dying and bleeding, please do not proceed if you're not comfortable with the topics

adrenaline was probably the last string that had your body moving and functioning in any way. the blood in your veins made you deaf, only capable of noticing the sounds of it pumping behind your ears, head pulsing like a bomb about to explode.

your whole body shook, and you felt a metallic taste on your tongue, covering your mouth with your hand to prevent throwing up, which you predicted would happen in a matter of seconds.

"hey!" you finally heard childe yell, sounding distant even still, when you lifted your gaze away from the body before you and noticed he was standing fairly close. "come on, move, or his buddies" he said pointing to the lifeless man beneath you "might just come to get revenge"

with that he took your arm by the waist and pulled you along with him.

you stumbled over your own feet, and almost fell down every couple of minutes. your lungs started to burn after mere seconds, and you couldn't even find breath to tell him to slow down. you also knew he couldn't, having better self-preservation instincts than you, he understood the situation you two were in better.

fuck.

you looked behind you, to the spot where blood painted the grass red under a pile of dead bodies, some of your allies, some of your foes, but from this kind of distance, you couldn't even make out which one was which. your gaze fell down to your hands, covered in sticky redness as well.

you just killed somebody.

it wasn't even the consequences that frightened you, it was the sheer act of life leaving his eyes before he fell down, of his pupils staring at you in one last beg for mercy before freezing like that for the eternity ahead, for how his body seemed to have gained weight in a matter of seconds, almost pulling you down with him. the ringing in your head got more intense as you choked on a strained sob.

"they're dead" you breathed out, making your partner laugh sarcastically.

"good guess" he answered, his grip on your arm loosening as the both of you climbed up a hill.

"no, you don't understand, they're- dead dead! i- i didn't think i-" you stumbled over your words, panic settling in your eyes as you tried to comprehend the situation.

"what, you didn't think that if you pierce a person through with a blade they're gonna die?" he asked rhetorically, back almost slamming against a tree, sliding down to the ground with a breath of relief. "fuck, looks like i got pierced, too" he noticed, looking down onto his side, the grey material of his uniform getting dark and sticky. he hissed, trying to lift it up, and gave up on his attempts, instead opting to look at you.

you didn't sit down, but kept staring forward with the most frightened expression he had ever seen you wear. eyes wide open as you searched for answers in thin air, hands shaking, moving up to cover your mouth.

“hey” he whispered way gentler than before, urging you to sit down in front of him “it’s okay, it was only self-defense. you did kill them, but you didn’t murder them or anything, it was kill or be killed”

his words held so much confidence in what he was saying, you almost felt comforted. he really did master the art of bending the truth to his liking, didn’t he?

“i did it, what if he was someone’s father, or brother, or whoever else, what if i just destroyed someone’s world? he was a human being just as much as i am, i had no right-“ you started relapsing into panic, hands gripping on your hair, head moving down to hide between your legs.

only then did tartaglia notice the huge wound right across the back of your thigh, and several others. fuck, he instantly thought, whoever did it knew what he was doing, cut you in a very specific place, with intent to kill.

he couldn’t even fight back the wave of anger coming crushing at him, but bit his lip instead of saying anything. there was no way the both of you could get to a safe place in time.

he used to be so passionate about continuing to live, normally he would’ve just throw you over his shoulder and run, until his legs gave out, but now, he didn’t even have the energy to stand up. he barely could move his hand, and the more he tried to fight it, the more tired he became.

the feeling of helplessness was eating him alive, both from not having any way of providing you safety, and for not protecting you earlier, not to mention how he couldn’t find the right words to say to you now.

“listen” he started carefully, waiting for you to stop sobbing. “it’s painful, killing someone. it leaves a hole inside you that you don’t know how to cover. it makes your thoughts twist and fight back against you, it makes you want to leave your own head for how bad you feel. it sucks, believe me, i know. you didn’t deserve to have to feel this shitty. i’m- i’m sorry. for not shielding you well enough.” he said bluntly, not a hint of comfort or the usual beating around the bush that he used every time he intended to coax you. just pure, brutal truth. for once.

“it’s okay” you mumbled quietly. your head felt heavy on your shoulders, and you felt how it started to fall off its support. the numbness in your legs, this sort of stressful feeling of being constantly out of air- “i don’t want to die, though”

the sentence felt like a whimper, a cry of help, but tartaglia knew there was exactly nothing he could do.

“am i gonna die?” your voice felt a little stronger, laced with fear, and you lifted your eyes back onto him, in search of a “no” that you knew you wouldn’t find. “i’m gonna leave this world with killing a man as my last memory” you laughed bitterly, before laugh became a cry, and tears mixed with sweat on the surface of your cheeks. “that’s the worst fucking death i could ever imagine”

“baby, look at me” he asked calmly “come here”

when you moved to sit on his side, his hand, sticky from blood, intertwined its fingers with yours, and squeezed tightly.

“look. we’re sitting on a hill, under a tree, the sun is high up in the sky, a meadow below us, it’s a perfect date!” he laughed so authentically, you almost believed it was true. “we’re on a dream date, isn’t that amazing? and look.”

with that, he tilted your head towards his, and kissed you softly and shortly.

“i love you.” he said in the calmest manner he could force out “is that a better memory?”

you placed your head on his side, attempting to hug him even a little bit, tears staining his uniform even more.

“i don’t want to leave you.”

“i’ll be right behind you. guarding your back, like i always do. after all, i promised to always protect you, right? death won’t change my plans.”

Rewriting my Diluc housewife thoughts but I saved it in my notes this time, but I made it infinitely more sexist than it already was before bc 1) I was in the kink mood and 2) the spirits of writing gods possessed my body and told me that is the way all Diluc content should be, so, this is major 1950s-ish housewifey horrendously misogynistic shit, you've been warned. Like, even *I* looked back over this and was like "wow this is vile" which is kinda saying something for me so, putting the nastier parts under cut for the sake of my followers' eyes ----------- I was thinking about the post a while back about Diluc reforming a criminal darling - a thief around Mondstadt that's been on a crime spree and of course he catches wind of that and goes to defeat the perpetrator (surprisingly very easy? How is a thief this weak?) and haul the bastard off to jail except... What's this? Said criminal is actually just some girl and not a gross ugly bastard?? This changes things. Clearly, this was not an intentional act of malice or greed, but rather, he, master of criminal psychology™, rationalizes that the world is far too cruel for unwifed girls that have no one to depend on, a cold terrible place, so you must have been driven to these actions out of desperation. You had no provider, no caretaker, which are needs. How could you possibly be expected to provide a means of living for yourself?? This is just the consequences of the unfairness of the world. However, things all work out in the end. You need to be taken care of and restrained from these self-destructive choices by force (since you cannot recognize how bad it is, not that you're expected to, it's natural that you have poor perception, that's why you need a man to make choices for you), and he needs a wife. This solution benefits all parties.

He is, however, a rather dense man, and doesn't really think to like, tell you that. Or tell you anything. He's too lost in thought in his planning -- gonna get you new clothes to replace your ragged ones, gonna have to rearrange the guard schedule so they can watch the house better, all that -- and just kinda slings you up and over his shoulder without a word. Ignores you kicking and hitting because it doesn't really hurt or anything, you're too weak for that. Just says he’ll explain in detail later, but don’t worry, you’re not going to jail. He’s just taking you home. This is better, he says. Stop struggling so much, what, you want to go to jail? No? Then be still. And you don't recognize that it's good for you yet, but again, that's expected. In a better time or society, you would have been married off sooner, and prevented from ever falling victim to your own decision making to begin with, but the world isn't perfect and you can be forgiven for it. You're not responsible for your own actions since you can't comprehend them. It's frustrating and he sighs a bit over it, but that's just the way things are. You'll be happy in the long run, even if it takes a while, you're naturally programmed for a better lifestyle he has in mind. And, really, he's glad you weren't married off, because if you were then he never would have had you, so even though it was technically unideal, the stars align and the universe works out things perfectly. It's all the more of a sign that this was fate and you were made for him. The issue is that a hardened criminal darling is... Not the ideal candidate for a housewife. To some extent, he's right that the criminal underworld hardens a person, you can't survive in that realm if you're submissive or weak willed. And criminal darling certainly is not. Loud mouthed, opinionated, argumentative, bad attitude, defiant and aggressive and very much unafraid. A complete loose cannon. All very unfavorable traits. Worst of all, very much unaccepting of and ungrateful for the privilege of a second chance and being graciously granted the opportunity for a better life. Lots of bad behaviors.

The cursing is a problem. It's not very... Wife-like. Gives off a bad image, you know. Especially since said cursing is usually directed at him at a very loud volume with a snarl and getting all up in his face to tell him he's fucking insane and a bastard. To be honest, the worst part isn't the words themselves, it's the fact that you are so unafraid to be defiant and so fiery that is the primary issue. You disobey very deliberately. Little acts of pettiness. Being mean to the maids who are so graciously trying to teach you how to cook (at his direction), since you had no idea how to (and nearly burned his house down as a result). The first time you were mean and bitter and that's how you learned they report back to him about how you behaved. It did not go over well.  

Intentionally burning food. Once you somehow found a bottle in a cabinet somewhere in the mansion and put rat poison in his food, made him sick. Muttering a sarcastic whoops and shoving a vase off to crash and shatter on the floor. Early on you refused to wear all the nice dresses you were generously given and even tried to go through his clothes to find something to wear, which was kinda cute since it was way too big, but still. You mutter and grumble under your breath every time you're given a command. The most important thing is sex, though. You know, your job. One of your only real responsibilities. He has a very stressful job. It's only reasonable that he can expect to come home to his sweet, loving little wife with open arms and equally open legs. You've probably fucked around a bit right? For money, for favors, for intel, you get the idea, lots of ties to criminal gangs to earn their trust. So, if you do it for something so insignificant, how much more does he deserve it for taking care of you fully? You should -- and you will, with time -- drop to your knees the second he walks through the door. But instead, sigh, you fight and whimper and cover your face in shame after you spasm and cum, and worst of all, you actively try not to cum. You shouldn't feel ashamed of that, it's good, he says. Sure, you may not be officially married (since the laws of Mondstadt unfortunately require that whole "consent" thing for both parties, ugh), but, he's basically your husband right? So, it's perfectly normal, you're supposed to cum for him. Maybe once you're all knocked up you'll be even hornier, and less shameful. He actually wasn't expecting you to be this bad. Incredibly stubborn and prideful. Literally the exact opposite traits of a good wife, you know, submissive and humble and obedient. He kinda thought that it was like... automatic. That once he just kinda shoved you in the right environment, it would be like flipping a switch right? Apparently not. But no matter. It can be changed, with effort and time. You're worth it. See, you're not supposed to backtalk him, you're supposed to smile and do what you're told without question. You're supposed to submit and obey, and instead you seem hellbent on pissing him off out of spite - and frankly, you're doing a good job of achieving that. Every time you defy him it sparks an irritation he can't describe, worse than he'd normally get from just being snarled at by anyone - no, something about being disrespected by someone he feels is beneath him makes him much, much angrier than it would be if it were, say, one of the business partners who get snappy and argumentative very frequently. He could break you and it would be easy, don't you know that? You stomp and you hit him and you yell, but clearly you process that you have to look up to look him in the eye, you have to realize how much smaller you are. You hit him even though you have to know by now he'll just grab your wrists, and like always you'll be unable to even hope of pulling out of his grip, the strength difference between you two is so great. There's no way you don't realize all that, yet you continue to behave the way you do. The inferiority is so blatantly obvious, but you act as if it's not. He spends a lot of time contemplating the source of this, the cause of your behavior, it occupies his thoughts. It's like... You resent him for something. Could it possibly be kidnapping you and keeping you as a glorified sex slave? No, no, that's not it. It's something else, yes. Are you just bitter about being inferior in, you know, every conceivable way? Is that it? The criminality for you was compensation to make you feel powerful, perhaps. You have a complex. You resent him not for anything he's done, but because you know he's stronger and smarter and generally superior to you. You don't want to accept it. You're prideful when you shouldn't be. You're supposed to be humble and content with your inferiority. Yeah, that's it. You just have a negative perception of the lifestyle you're supposed to have. Maybe some event in your life or someone else warped your view of things. You don't realize how happy you'd be if you just accepted it. Yes, if you submitted to it, if you swallowed your pride and actually accepted your place, you'd find you would be very happy, you just don't know that. Or maybe, your brain can't grasp something like that. After all, that's the reason you're supposed to be the submissive party of the two of you, you're not as bright or perceptive (says the densest man alive). You have to be... Led. Guided. So he says it. He is, again, a dense man. He does not really think about the fact that perhaps blatantly confronting you with the epiphany he thinks he's had and specifically using the words inferior and weak and small is probably not going to make you very happy. You get bitchy and bratty and try to hit him and he sighs because, see, this is exactly what he's talking about. You reacting the way you did only confirms you do have a complex, he says. So, how could he go about... reconditioning? He is not the most creative man, but thankfully it's a rather easy problem to solve. If you're reminded of a reality often enough, you have to accept it. For starters, using physical strength against you. Maybe that will metaphorically open your eyes. Holds you down in place when you're hitting him like you do, firmly bending you over a counter or whatever and just holding you in place. Come on, try to get up, try to push him off. You snarl and claw at the marble and push will all your strength, but he doesn't budge, not until you politely apologize and ask him to let you up. If you're being difficult and not going where he tells you to, well, he can just sling you up over his shoulder and carry you. If you're fighting being fucked he can just flip you over and press your face into the mattress and hold you still, and you can't help but take the brutal reality that you're basically a ragdoll to him, that is, physically overpowering you doesn't even require trying. It helps to knock you down a peg, remind you of your place and maybe get you to swallow that pride a bit. The orgasms and fucking have a similar effect -- every time you can't help but feel like he has a power over you. And really, he kinda does. Every time you lay there still panting and shivering in aftershock, the shame comes swarming in, all the obscene noises you made and the way you came undone under the person that treats you like property. Even if the rational part of you knows better, you can't help but feel like in a way it's like you let him win, allowed yourself to more or less prove him right. Maybe you'll learn better if you're in more humiliating positions. Stuck getting rammed from behind, hand forcing your face down and ass up. Actually correcting bad behaviors requires more direct approaches, so he takes the... Old fashioned route. After all, it's pretty much guaranteed to work. You don't listen to words, you don't listen to reason, but you'll certainly listen to handprints and belt welts on your ass. It's the first time you really, truly break, and that brings him a lot of satisfaction. The first time you really cry and whimper and beg and apologize so profusely it feels like you mean it for once. Granted, for a while you just persist in your bad behaviors and even try to run when you see him sigh and take the belt off, but you never get far. And, most notably, you actually fix your behaviors, with enough reminders. At one point, the next time you start being bad and get to bitching and snarling and putting up a fight, you catch the look on his face and, for once, you shut your mouth and look down and mumble an apology by default. See, you're learning. Speaking of, you still have that major issue with backtalking him. You're supposed to submit to him and acknowledge his authority over you. So he gets firm. Grabs you by the jaw and forces you to look him in the eye and reminds you that you will *not* get an attitude with him. You *will* show some respect. You say yes sir and no sir and do what you're told. And if you forget, he can give you a reminder, if you want that. But you shake your head with fear in your eyes, say you don't want that. It makes you mad. You want to lash back, but you swallow your pride and mutter a fine - before realizing the mistake, violating the rule you were just reminded of. You stammer out a yes sir but it's already too late. He has to control himself too, not let his anger get the better of him. He speaks in a way that isn't snarling and mean, but rather firm, cold, a flat tone that asserts dominance and demands respect. But... still wants you to like him. So he has to be nice, too. After all, you'll learn better if you're rewarded for being good, right? So you can get little rewards. Words of affirmation. A pat to the head. He'll buy you something you want, let you drink a bit (since, as a thief, of course, you had a problem with that before you came home, but that had to be corrected too, since drunkenness isn't very befitting). And sooner or later he does have a really good little wife. He's proud of you. You smile and obey commands without complaining. He can come home every day, and rather than hearing a long report from the staff about how much trouble you caused that day, instead you have food and smiles and sweet affection waiting on him, you hug him when he walks through the door. You're polite and sweet to the various business partners and guests that come through -- you don't speak to them without permission though, of course, and you look down at the ground so you don't make eye contact with another man. People say he's lucky and how they wish they had a wife that was so outwardly affectionate to them as you are to him, always clinging to him physically. And you don't complain or every object to anything, you just smile and say yes and do it. It makes him happy in a weird way he can't quite articulate. A warm swell of pride, a feeling of success. You have vague memories of a time when you were breaking into houses just to scrape by, not knowing when you'd eat next, not knowing where you'd sleep. It's kind of a fuzzy memory now. You don't have to worry about those things anymore, and you're a lot happier this way.

“Not his fault”

warnings; TW: mental breakdown, unedited, the title is cringe i know ;-;, kinda a rant fic for myself- , major major angst, fluff at the end, hurt/comfort

word count; 0.6k

note; i know i have been inactive, and i apologize for making this despite the 11 requests(most of them are like, 1 sixth finished- dw, we didn’t give up on them), but after reading nagito’s backstory i needed to write this- it wouldn’t leave my head. it wAS REALLY SAD OKAY also it’s a bit rushed at the end bc i was gonna leave it angsty but that didn’t sit right so i added some last minute stuff

- mod chia

Nagito jerked up from his sleep, tears running down his face, unbeknownst to him. He had almost forgotten what it was like to be scared, but here he was; fucking terrified. All his efforts to suppress those feelings, fruitless as he sat on your shared bed, hyperventilating.

He thought it'd be okay if you were here. He thought he'd be okay if he had his hope by his side, he didn't know that it doesn't all just go away as soon as he gets a partner.

He looked over at your tranquil sleeping figure with anxiety in his eyes before burying his face in his hands. A small battle fought itself in his side, should I wake them, or should I not? But as always, he lost both fights as anxiety took the win.

Nagito violently rubbed his face with his rough hands, smearing his tears all over his flushed cheeks as he tried to get the thoughts in his head to quiet down and slow to a stop. 

God, he just wanted to be happy, to actually appreciate you and all the things he’s gotten. To pretend that he was okay. But deep down he knew, he knew that everything was too good to be true. He knew that being beside you like this was dangerous and could possibly kill you. He didn't think, he didn't think about you.

Something bad is going to happen. 

That damned thought wouldn’t leave his head, terrorizing him as it repeated over and over again like a broken record. After all, with every good thing that happens due to his luck, something terribly unlucky always follows — and after hitting the lottery with you, what chance did he have?

Flashbacks from the deaths that were all caused by him, his luck; swirled in his head. His dog, his parents… He couldn’t take the guilt of it all, he couldn’t bear the guilt of endangering you despite knowing the dire consequences of his luck. 

He was crying, sobbing, shaking from the guilt. Concern for his volume had gone out the window. 

He knew he needed to go, to get away from you and protect you. Even if he had to be a thousand miles away from you to do it.

He was already ahead of himself, thinking that he could ever have someone like you and get away with it.

 The blaring alarm in his head telling him he needed to leave wouldn’t silence, yet he was too weak to even stand and get out of bed to quiet it down himself. Being too immersed in his own terrifying thoughts, he didn’t hear you shuffle over to him.  

He tensed as you quickly pulled him into your chest and back into the bed, “I- Don't touch me, y- you’ll get hurt! I’ll h- kill you!” He yelped unlike his usual composed self as he thrashed weakly in your hold, intent to protect you, just not doing a great job at doing it. 

Though others would be taken aback by his threat-like statement, you knew what he truly meant; his luck would kill you. And though he struggled against you, you didn’t let go. You never did.

Your heart broke, shattering in pieces as you heard his frantic breathing and wails muffled by his hands. Throughout your entire relationship with this man, you had never seen him break down like this before. 

Though that didn’t matter, because you would always be there for him during each one. No matter what. He had suppressed his feelings too much, as all of them started coming back up, pouring out of his eyes. 

Abruptly, he threw his arms around you, engulfing your entire body with his, almost instinct of his as panic struck his body the second time. Knowing that you wouldn’t let go, he decided to at least try and protect you from the incoming bad luck. 

He closed in on you, curling his back over you so he could shield your body with his the best he could. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” He repeated between choked sobs, “It was never your fault.” You truly believed his ultimate talent was never his fault, he was born with it, that could never be his fault.

To him, It didn’t matter if he indirectly put you in danger, it didn’t matter if he himself didn’t mean to do it. The blood was still on his hands because the ultimate luck was his ultimate, it was no one’s fault but his. 

He was being selfish and reckless to let you get so close to him, he knew that yet he still fell for you. He thought you were so full of hope to not get mad at someone like him for being so selfish. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve any of it. 

“I don’t deserve this, s/o.” He voiced his thoughts, laughing bitterly. “You deserve everything and more.” You refuted, running your fingers through the hair on the back of his head. “...I really, really, am in love with you.” You smiled at his defeated voice, you decided to quote him,

“I am...��truly in love with the hope that sleeps inside you, Nagito-kun- Okay, okay! I’m sorry!” 

ok so guys, remember that “my father always says azula was born lucky, i was lucky to be born” line? yeah, now explain to me why tf are we even considering OZAIs words?!?! like some people use this line as an argument against azula when its literally what OZAI SAID?!?!!?!!?!

Zuko’s good and bad luck, as well as Azulas. Was either of them lucky? Let’s see.

Please read all of it before drawing assumptions.

Zuko’s luck:

- has mums care and affection

- has irohs care and affection

- can get away with being a softie as a child, because he may get disregarded and called weak but lets be honest, azula wouldnt have been able to get away with his behavior because she didn’t have firstborn privilege (which is a thing while azulon lived) or mummy’s protection like he did.

before anyone comes at me i’ll expand a bit on the firstborn privilege. as first born he was instantly considered more important by the masses since birth, that might’ve changed later but before neither could bend that much was still a fact. which means azula wouldn’t really have any recognition for anything unless she surpassed him in every way, which is what became her goal especially when ozai became the one who spent more time with her rather than ursa, anyways lets continue.

- constantly receiving second chances; iroh, the gaang minus katara, katara, azula (even if not from the “good” side), ozai (no matter the intentions, this much is true), iroh again, mai, the entire fckng world.

- he had a guide and help throughout his long healing and learning process.

Zuko’s bad luck:

- Unloving father

- Mummy disappears

- Doesn’t train that hard and surprise surprise, is worse than azula. Because if he had really trained hard, he would’ve at least known the formations wether he was able to firebend with them or not, but he was just clearly trying to copycat azula while tripping over because he didn’t have that much experience doing it. This is something no one can change my mind about. How tf did he expect to excel if he didn’t train enough. This wasnt about luck but hard work which he didn’t put in, too busy playing with mum and the little turtleducks. And I do not hate Zuko, I really love him but this is just a fact and he’s too fixed on blaming everyone else for his own mistakes and problems (esp Azula). Like, im sorry to break it out to you honey, but Ozai hates you because he’s an asshole, and that’s his own fault, not Azula’s.

- Scar and exile time, we all know this.

- Ugly haircut because of dishonor

- Finally achieving his goal of regaining his “honor” but realizing it wasn’t what he wanted only when he was already at the Fire Nation palace having all the glory from Aang’s presumed death.

- Katara’s distrust after his betrayal (bc who would’ve expected that to happen /s)

- Getting zapped in an attempt to save Katara.

I mean except for the things related to Ozai, most of this was all consequences from his own actions.

And I’m sorry but I don’t understand the fixation he has with having Ozai’s love. Unlike Azula, he has had his mother’s love and his uncle’s love. He knows what real love looks like and he has never really seen anything that could imply Ozai likes him, while he has Iroh treating him like he’s his actual father.

I’m not invalidating his traumas in any way and terrible things did happen to him, but why is he so obsessed with Ozai and why would he choose him over Iroh, he’s 16 and has been with Iroh since age 13, he was also with Ursa for the majority of his childhood, make it make sense.

Azula’s luck:

- Uh she was born rlly smart i guess

- She had some natural talent and knew to train hard to shape it to perfection, as well as studying a lot about war tactics and shit ig

- Ty Lee and Mai loved her and she loved them back

I mean as far as luck goes, that’s it. Everything else was achieved on her own merit and even if she had no scar, her traumas are just as valid as Zuko’s, neither is worse or better, we do not compare traumas in this house and they were both terrible.

Azula’s bad luck:

- Bad mother (i’ll make a post on why Ursa sucks)

- No second chances

- Mum never said goodbye just like she never said “i love you” lol, except in that one hallucination

- Never has had any real help to heal (i’ll make a post on why the asylum was a trash idea that would’ve never worked)

- Can’t fully trust anyone, not even herself, or will be punished for it

- The only people who loved her, Mai and Ty Lee, “betraying” her (check out my post on that, its under #jinta’s commentary)

- Ozai psychologically abusing her all her life

- Some characters may have been lonely, but she was genuinely absolutely alone. And she knew it.

- Hurt and self-hatred channeled through anger like Zuko did sometimes when he had that shame shave ponytail, but with her, its all the time.

- Even his abuser abandons her

- Everyone hates her but forgives Zuko, Mai and Ty Lee. And it’s so annoying because all Mailee did that Azula didn’t was swap sides almost at the end, if the excuse is that they were being manipulated well Ozai was manipulating Azula so what’s the excuse.

- Is always believed to be lying but usually isn’t (check out my azula always lies post)

- Has a mental breakdown and nobody gives a shit?! Like the first think Zuko thought of was “ooh she’s slipping lemme take advantage of that”

- Has nothing and no one, yay

- Gets thrown into a stupid asylum but not rlly because there are no comics in ba sing se

While Zuko had Ursa and Iroh to protect him and stuff, she was victim of Ozai’s manipulation and psychological abuse all her life.

So when we know Ozai said she was lucky, why tf is anyone taking his word for it??!

Plus when Zuko was born they didn’t know how he would be and Azula didn’t exist so there was no way he could’ve been lucky to be born.

Zuko was very unlucky, but he was also lucky.

Azula was just unlucky.

edit: as bellatrixobsessed1 said, azula had the illusion of luck.

A Pretty Good Bad Idea - Owen Joyner x Reader

JATP masterlist

Warnings: swearing, peer pressure kinda, very mild n fluffy

Words: 1865

Summary: Touring with the Julie and The Phantoms cast as a dancer has been the best time of your life, and the only thing that could make it better is the reciprocated affections of a cute, blond drummer.

A/N: So this piece is 1) inspired by this interview and 2) entirely self indulgent. It’s something I haven’t been able to get out of my mind every time I’m doing warm ups, and putting it down on ,, digital paper is my only way to get rid of it lmao. I hope y’all enjoy bc I know this scenario makes me really happy and I love sharing my joy with y’all.

I let out an involuntary whine when I roll forward into my almost-center splits. My hips are so sore from yesterday’s performance I had to force myself to start stretching in the first place. Getting a head start, I arrived at the concert venue an hour earlier than call time to get my lengthy stretching routine out of the way before the other girls show up. Slowly but surely, the rest of the dancers arrived and we began getting ready together.

“I have a speaker!” Tori announces to the room upon entering which makes me jump up from my seat.

“Yes! May I do the honors and bless y’all with my musical theatre playlist?” The rest of the group cheers, exposing themselves for the theatre kids that we are. After hearing the chime that signifies the speaker-phone pairing, a few seconds pass before “Cell Block Tango” begins to play. The entire group feigns outrage but we know all the words and soon indulge in such shameful pandering. A good pre-show playlist is what really gets me amped up for performing and after yesterday’s queue of ‘today’s hits’ pop, the musical theatre is a nice change of pace.

Since I’d gotten here so early, I decided to do my makeup before stretching and I still had time to spare. The only thing left for me to do was to get in costume but I’d wait until a little closer to showtime so that I could still eat and drink for the time being. This also meant I was free to roam and bother other people as they got ready, doing what I’d done almost an hour ago.

“So, Y/n?”

“Hm?”

“What’s going on with you and Owen?” I feel my breathing halt for a microsecond before looking up at, one of the other dancers and also my friend, Ella. My eyebrows are cinched in confusion as I try my best to figure out what it is she’s getting at.

“I don’t know, Ella. What is going on with me and Owen?”

“Oh come on. Your Instagram story from yesterday?” Oh. That.

“We just went to lunch?” I seemingly ask more than state.

“Yeah. Just the two of you. Don’t hold out on us, we wanna know what’s going on!”

“Really, Ella, there’s nothing going on. We’re just getting to know each other better.”

“Just getting to know each other better? Or getting to know each other better?” Tori butts in, dusting her cheeks with a subtle highlight.

“The first one?”

“How many times have you hung out?”

“Just the once.”

“Are you planning another date?”

“It wasn’t a date-”

“Do you want us to help wingman you?”

“I really don’t-”

“Hey.” The rapid-fire of questions cease when the gang of us look up to see Owen himself standing in the doorway.

“Speak of the devil,” Tori snickers as the rest of the girls slowly disperse and smugly resume doing their makeup. Owen makes a face in reaction to her comment but chooses not to pry.

“Could I borrow some hairspray? This one piece of hair won’t stay.” Despite each of the girls having a full can of hairspray on hand, nobody makes a move to give him the product, indicating that I should be the one to help him out. Rolling my eyes at the look Ella is giving me through the mirror, I stand from my chair and hand Owen the can of hairspray. He then looks straight ahead and moves to use the product but I stop him before he can.

“What’s your plan?”

“What?”

“Are you just gonna spray the piece?”

“...yeah?”

“That’s not gonna work since the rest of your hair already has product in it. Can I help you?” Owen nods amiably and takes a seat after I gesture for him to sit in my chair. I then realize my mistake as I need the comb on the grey countertop, and have to consequently reach past Owen in a way that wouldn’t be so compromising had I not worn such a low-cut top. Thankfully it’s over as fast as it began, and walking to the sink in the corner of the dressing room, I run the cool water over the bristles. It isn’t until I turn off the tap that I notice how eerily quiet the room had gotten. None of the girls are talking, attentively studying my every move as I cross back to Owen.

“Is this Chicago?”

“Uh, yeah, We’re listening to my musical theatre playlist though, not the whole soundtrack,” I respond in spite of the nervous laugh that falls from my lips. The slight slouch in Owen’s posture doesn’t help me to see what I’m doing clearly enough. Using my index finger and an upturned palm, I tilt his chin up to get a better look at his hair, willfully ignoring the fact that he’s staring at me right now.

Still, silence fills the room as I take the wet comb through the front section of his hair where the stubborn strand won’t stay put. Once the water binds the pieces together, I grab my can of hairspray and struggle to uncap it. The outside is slick from god knows what, but thankfully Owen doesn’t let me struggle anymore and holds up his hands to wordlessly offer his help. I hand him the can, and he pops the top off after barely struggling. Handing the can back to me, he holds onto the lid, and the entire exchange remains completely silent.

I have to work quickly in my next step, but it’s not enough to distract from the fact that everyone in the room is watching me intently. Holding the aerosol can away from the crowd of people, I put some of the product on the comb and quickly work it into Owen’s hair while it’s still wet. Once the comb has formed his hair to my liking, I stop brushing it through in fear of the now dry hairspray ruining the shape. Then, I use my left hand to shield Owen’s eyes from getting any product in them before spraying the offending area to seal in my hard work.

The sound of a cell door sliding closed signifies the end of the song, and I wait for a second, eagerly anticipating the next song to play. Upon hearing the staccato piano notes of “Bad Idea” from Waitress, a smile appears on my face.

“I love this song.” Lunging back on my right leg, I create a little distance between us to make sure I didn’t completely butcher the rest of his hair, singing as I do.

“It’s a bad idea, me and you.”

“I know, I totally agree.” Pleasantly surprised by his joining in, my smile grows bigger.

“It’s a bad idea, me and you.”

“I’ve never known anything so true-”

“It’s a terrible idea, me and you.” The effortlessness that the two of us find in harmonizing is a genuine shock and an absolute thrill all at once. Once Owen sees how excited I am by his joining in me, it’s like a switch had been flipped; the two of us immediately slip into Actor Mode and begin to sing the song as if we were performing it on a Broadway stage.

“You have a wife.” I take a small step back out of the character’s hesitation.

“You have a husband.” Owen mirrors my action.

“You’re my doctor-” I cross my arms across my chest, but release my right hand to gesture to Owen standing in front of me.

“You’ve got a baby coming-” He uses both hands to gesture back to me in my ‘pregnant’ state.

“It’s a bad idea, me and you,” the two of us turn slightly away from facing one another in false bashfulness. When the music picks up, the two of us avidly step toward one another to come together. In perfect synchronization, I grab Owen’s forearms and his hands face upwards to hold onto my elbows.

“Let’s just keep kissing ‘til we come to.”

“Heart, stop racing, let’s face it-” Owen pivots his step out to the side to face forward, extending his right arm which cues me to turn into him and take his other hand to spin out.

“Making mistakes like this will make worse what is already pretty bad.” Then he extends his right arm forward, and I turn into him once again.

“Mind, stop running. It’s time we just let this thing go.” Instead of spinning out again, I stop in front of him where he wraps both of his arms around me.

“It was a pretty good bad idea,” in our harmony I cast my gaze upward to see Owen staring right back down at me, and I feel like I’m seeing stars, “Wasn’t it though?”

The two of us continue dancing and singing with one another as if the rest of the world doesn’t exist. It’s only the two of us, here and now. The other girls in the room don’t miss the way I seem to smile like never before, and I sure as hell don’t miss the way my stomach fills with butterflies. When he holds me so close and dear for each intimate moment of the song, I’m seeing stars. A bold happiness consumes me, the same happiness I felt when Owen and I laughed over lunch in that small pizzeria.

The final harmony draws the song to a close and when it finishes, the two of us fall into a breathless kind of laughter.

“I didn’t take a big enough breath for that last part.”

“Me neither.”

“Your hair stayed intact.”

“I must have a pretty good stylist.”

After recovering from our laughter the two of us wind up in a palpable stupor as we stare into one another’s eyes. A few blinks and my trance is broken, I become aware of our surroundings.

“I should get dressed soon, and you definitely need to get dressed.” Owen nods still somewhat breathless.

“Yeah. See you later for pulse?”

“Save me a spot,” I joke as he backs out of the threshold of our dressing room. Leaning against the doorframe I watch him disappear into his assigned dressing room with a small smile still lingering on my features.

“Just getting to know each other my ass!”

“What the heck was that?”

“Are you sure you don’t want us to wingman you?”

“Do you even need a wingman after something like that?”

Turning on my heel, I face the bunch of insatiable dancers and shake my head in disbelief.

“We were just acting, you guys.”

“Liar.”

“Excuse me?”

“Maybe you were acting, but he sure as hell wasn’t. Did you see the way he was looking at you? He is totally in love with you.” Ella shakes me by my shoulders.

“He’s just a really good performer is all.”

“When is your next date?” she completely ignores me.

“Okay-”

“Oh, and I want to be the maid of honor at your wedding-”

“It was just a song, Ella.”

“-Oh my god you guys are gonna have the cutest kids! I mean, your hair with his eyes and cheekbones? Ahh! The cutest.”

***

A/n: the way that being on tour isn’t the most unrealistic part of this fic, but instead Owen actually knowing the lyrics is? Work diva.

Taglist: @caitsymichelle13​ @kaitlyn2907​ @itz-jas​ @crybabyddl​ @kcd15​ @kinda-really-lost​ @calamitykaty​ @morganayenneferburnham​ @n0wornever​ @dream-a-little-bigger-x​ @mrstodorooki @vicesvsvirturesfanfic @curlybrownhairedboys​ @amazinggracy​ @kaitieskidmore1​ @asdfghjkl-fanfics​ @ghostlygreenbean​ @juliefromaustralia @merceret​ @jemimah-b99​ @ifilwtmfc​ @thesweetestsinner​ @imsydneywalker​ @lovesanimals​ @thebloodthirstyvampress​ @bumbleberry-pie​ @losers-club6​ @tefilovesreading​ @dmcfarland1​@joynerxmercer @kexrtiz​ @talk-on-the-street​ @phantompogues​ @konciousdreamer​ @sunsetcurvej​ @warmnesss0ul​ @celestialmolina​ @lilyjoyner​ 

hello my lovely peaches , *puts my clown wig on bcs i’m shy* i’m back at it again, being a greedy bitch and bringing you my second  and super fake muse, yeva.  remember that part where the darkling’s fake ass pretended to be all nice and wholesome. well, yeva is faker than that. she probably has severe back pain from single handedly carrying all her lies on her back. anyway, i could slander her more but i will probably do that later. if you want to plot please LIKE this post or IM me/message me on discord and i’ll bring some clown shoes and ask for some plotting ( but in.... greedy )

PINTEREST  . PROFILE .    BIO (tba) .  VIKTORIYA.     discor*d     six of hoes🔪#7888

[ yeva zudina ], an [ twenty-eight ] year old grisha in the little palace. she is a [ tidemaker ] and are known in the little palace as the [ mountebank ]. they are known to be [ adaptable ] and [ devious ] and vaguely resemble [ davika hoorne ]. 

( okay my soc ass had to make her grow up in ketterdam i’m sorry )

- before yeva knew that she was a tidemaker, she was what one might call an “ordinary” girl in ketterdam. ( as far as anyone can be ordinary in ketterdam )

- as many people living there, she didn’t really have the best time of her life there. her father, well, he was just a name causing an uncomfortable silence whenever one would mutter it. her mother, she tried her best to survive in that hellhole. although, yeva knew how much her did for her, the only person she really could get close to was her step-sibling. ( a wc i’ll elaborate more on when i’m finally requesting that wc). though not bound by blood, they meant the world to yeva and little yeva felt as if she had to protect her from whatever was lurking in ketterdam’s (shady) alleyways.

- despite of her noble intentions, realistically she wasn’t strong. and how so? no one taught her how to protect herself and she was still a child. however, yeva didn’t want to wait around for nothing. instead, she decided to take matters into her own hands and looking back this idea was really stupid, but she wholeheartedly believed that messign with some other kids would be a brilliant way to improve her combat skills ( all my muses have to be stupid at some point i’m sorry, theyre all dumb)

- of course this plan failed terribly ( and instead she was the one getting her ass beaten  ).  luckily someone witnessed that (comedic) unfortunate scene and helped yeva out. and this somehow became the turning point of her life. yeva, completely awe-struck with the stranger, wanted to know more about him. truth to be told, he didn’t do much and his presence alone somehow scared the kids away ( poor kids almost got into a fight with a grown-ass man) but yeva didn’t really care. turned out he was a drüskelle (retired though (as much as one can), thus he didn’t really have to rely on any grisha “magic”, something yeva really admired.

- long story short, he not only became a mentor to yeva ( who successfully convinced him to show her some “cool” drüskelle tricks) but also a father-figure. yeva really trusted him and his beliefs also became hers. which we might say weren’t exactly grisha friendly. at first she didn’t get why he hated grisha so much, to her they didn’t seem too bad but as time passed his words left a mark.

- however, what actually made her end up despising grisha was a certain incident. as much as this day affected yeva, everything happened within a second. a short moment of exchanged laughter, cruelly disrupted by two grisha. tidemakers ( a cruel twist of irony ) . looking back at it now, yeva figured that these two grisha had a long and unresolved grudge against him ( which wasn’t too surprising with him being a drüskelle) and had their eye on him ever since. 

- to put it briefly, yeva was forced to witness the death of someone whom she considered a father to her. yet, fate couldn’t be more cruel on her and it was also the moment her abilities were triggered , and , of course, she turned out to be a grisha as well. make it worse. a tidemaker.

- skipping over all the formalities (bcs this is getting too long) and luck not really being on her side she was brought to the little palace. her mother wasn’t too surprised and knowing that yeva wouldn’t have a future here at ketterdam, she thought that ravka was far more appealing.

- yeva wasn’t happy of course. not only was she forced to be with the people who she despised she herself was one. at first, she refused to do anything at all, she didn’t mind if she were to be punished for her stuborness. no one knew why she was behaving this way, they just shrugged it off as her being a spoiled brat refusing to be useful. yeva, however, didn’t continue to be like this forever and what happened next surpirsed everyone. suddenly, she was eager to train and improved quickly. all they saw was a hardworking grisha but what they didn’t know was that yeva’s intentions weren’t noble. 

- instead of wasting her time at pitying and hating herself, she realized that she was at the perfect place to learn everything about her ‘enemies’. 

- basically, she has that grand plan of trying to destroy things from within, being the wolf in sheep’s clothing (cutting this short bcs this is getting long again). 

personality

- honestly, as i’ve mentioned before she’s fake. and not in that way where she’ll just pretend to smile and go on with her day, she really goes out her way in acting as if she was the sweetest and kindest girl out there. however, everthing she does serves some purpose. she helps you with some training ? she gives you some advice on a personal matter ? she compliments you on your smile ? lets say she doesn’t do it out of kindness. not when you’re a grisha. of course, she isn’t perfect at keeping this act up all the time.  and if one pays a little more attention to her actions, they can see her facade crumbling. still, where vika is all about being straight-forward and accidentally hurting one’s feeling without meaning it, yeva is all about sugar-coating when she needs to but also deliberately using one’s weakness against them.

traits ( adding some bcs i want to redeem her a little bit but i also don’t respect her so..) 

[+] adaptable, decisive, loyal , observant 

[-] ruthless, doesn’t think through consequences, blindly faithful, intrusive

headcanons

- tba ( but i just had to add that yeva prbly wouldn’t hesitate to push someone from the ship when they’d travel through the shadow fold.)

- every time she must do more than simply tolerating grisha, like saying that they’re great she probably loses one year of her life

- trying to keep her reputation yeva is known to give exceptionally good advice

- as much as she despises that “grisha magic” she believes in things like card reading, fortune telling and is quite faithful to the saints (regardless of being grisha or not)

connections

someone who sees through her (shit) facade and unlike everyone else who perceives yeva as that sweet angel, they find her suspicious and doesn’t trust her.

a grisha who is the complete opposite of what yeva think they are and might as well be someone yeva tolerates and might add that 0.1% of character development 

listen an unrequited love bcs i’m laughing at the idea that someone might fall for her super fake persona and the more time they spend with her they start to realize that it is just an act.

someone who turns for advice to yeva bcs of her reputation

*sneakily puts my step sibling connection here so if u r intreested hmu ;) but i’ll also request it later but rn i’m too lazy*

HONESTLY EVERYTHING i love angsty and dramatic shit, but i’m super open for other ideas bcs my two braincells need that wonderful input and inspo so gimme all the connections PLS !!! *types this in thirsty for all ur wonderful muses*

tomjr replied to your post

“i’m in a ‘i am going to cause problems on purpose’ mood and it is...”

Do you have a post on why you like Lucius? As someone who, admittedly, isn't a massive fan, I'd love to read why! :)

okay.. i have to admit my reasons for loving lucius aren’t really as serious as my reasons for loving snape. his character hasn’t had any profound impact on me, i mostly just think he’s fun & has a lot of unexplored potential.

as a preface, i’m team ‘fictional preferences aren’t a reliable indicator of real-world morals.’ also this is probably going to be a bit of a mess. it got much longer than intended and turned into a more meta than anything else but anyway--

i’ve always been partial to villains (my fave hp character has been snape since i picked up the first book, and back then it was because he was such a bastard) so lucius being a bad guy doesn’t bother me. a lot of the criticisms of his character are variations of “but he’s a death eater!!!” which just makes me go …and? it’s like saying you can’t like bellatrix because she’s a voldy-fanatic or that you can’t like voldemort because he’s.. voldemort. i know people actually do say those things but to me it doesn’t make sense. a character being a de or in the order has no bearing on whether i like them or not.

i’m not going to argue against lucius being a bad guy, but i do think he’s kind of terrible at it, at least compared to his cohort. i don’t think he’s sadistic like other death eaters or as fanatic, either (which i think comes to light in his dh arc). to me, he’s the ‘order people around, then stand back and watch as they do your bidding’ kind of villain. i’d even argue that this line

“Lucius, my slippery friend,’ he whispered, halting before him. ‘I am told that you have not renounced the old ways, though to the world you present a respectable face. You are still ready to take the lead in a spot of Muggle-torture, I believe?” (GOF, ch. 33)

is a reference to it. he doesn’t delight or participate, he leads. i do think he’s killed and tortured (he probably got some kicks out of it, too) but i’ve always interpreted him as a character whose usefulness comes from his connections (and if we want to talk headcanons, i think he’s got a good strategic eye). we know the second war differs greatly from the first; from what little information we get about the first war, it seems that death eaters were making a much more controlled and effective effort that resulted in actual changes to wizarding society. (to digress a little, i think that’s what a lot of death eaters actually signed up for, not the killing/torture and harry potter business, otherwise voldemort’s numbers in the first war don’t really make sense.) but in that context, lucius is a valuable player to have because he’s got the connections, diplomacy, and resources to infiltrate places like the ministry and encourage the right parties to support voldemort’s plans. it might not exactly make him likable, but it’s something i like to think about.

the above quote touches on some other things that make me interested in him. while definitely a blood-supremacist, i’d argue that lucius’ loyalty to his family/to himself far outweighs his loyalty to voldemort. i’ll talk about the malfoys in a bit, but on the topic of choosing to become a death eater, i think he was swayed by what voldemort was selling—a society of only purebloods, where he’s promised glory. joining voldemort is perfectly aligned with his own goals, but when that’s no longer the case, he’s got no issue dropping voldy and claiming he was coerced; he doesn’t scream his loyalty like bella and willingly ruin his life (and his family’s life) to serve his lordship. as to why that makes me like him, i kind of just always like the self-preserving prick character. it’s a big part of why i love narcissa, too. (and why i think they’re perfectly matched, but more on that here).

also, what i mean when i say he’s fun is like… okay so lucius is the kind of person where if i met him irl, i’d spend every second in his presence thinking about how much i want to punch him in the face. he’s that rich, snooty asshole who knows he’s above the consequences us mere mortals have to worry about, but it makes him fun to write. he can do whatever he wants because he knows he can get away with it and i always have a good time when i write him in fic (even when I’m torturing him).  

the other thing is that i think lucius’ character is a bit like snape’s in the sense that it’s been warped by fanon (jason’s portrayal is part of it too, though i do love it). my biggest pet peeve about the discussion around lucius is how most of it revolves around draco, and how the people who want to defend/woobify/redeem draco immediately jump to ‘lucius was an abusive father.’ i always sort of want to ask why they think that, but i know it’s not really worth the effort.

(there’s the argument that raising a child with extremist views, even with good intentions, constitutes abuse on its own. but imo that’s a different conversation & not really relevant bc people don’t tend to use that as an example of lucius being a bad father, they jump right to him being verbally/physically/emotionally abusive.) 

anyway, my point is

“My father’s next door buying my books and mother’s up the street looking at wands. […] I think I’ll bully father into getting me one and I’ll smuggle it in somehow. […] Father says it’s a crime if I’m not picked to play for my house, and I must say, I agree.” PS, ch. 5.

that book!lucius  

“My Lord,” said a voice, desperate and cracked. He turned: there was Lucius Malfoy sitting in the darkest corner, ragged and still bearing the marks of the punishment he had received after the boy’s last escape. One of his eyes remained closed and puffy. “My Lord … please … my son …” DH, ch. 32.

doesn’t really

“Wouldn’t it be … forgive me … more prudent to call off this battle, enter the castle and seek him y – yourself?”

“Do not pretend, Lucius. You wish the battle to cease so that you can discover what has happened to your son.” DH, ch. 32.

support the fanon

“[…] Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy running through the crowd, not even attempting to fight, screaming for their son.” DH, ch. 36.

there’s a bunch of other little moments that give us an insight into the malfoy family dynamic (like the fact that lucius actually listens to draco’s rambling; eg. “… everyone thinks he’s so smart, wonderful potter with his scar and his broomstick —” / “you have told me this at least a dozen times already.” – or his reaction to buckbeak; “father’s not very happy about my injury- […] he’s complained to the school governors. and to the ministry of magic.” - or the fact that draco constantly defends him).  i don’t think it’s enough to suggest that the malfoys were a happy-go-lucky family, but everything put together paints a picture, and it’s not one of a cold, abusive household. i won’t bother pulling apart the ~lucius abused narcissa~ fanon, because i do that a bit on my narcissa post and it essentially boils down the same thing. 

basically i think lucius is unfairly lumped into the category of death eaters who are incapable of anything ‘good.’ like, yes, he’s terrible, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t or can’t love his family. to say so directly contradicts a lot of his canon material (looking @ you, cursed child).  but anyway, my interpretation of the malfoy family dynamic is a large part of why i love lucius as a whole (bad guy who loves one (1) thing is a good trope and that is a hill i will die on) and i think the way his loyalty to the cause™ battles with his loyalty to narcissa and draco creates some interesting scenarios to consider. overall i think there’s a lot of unexplored potential with him.

i’m ending it here bc i can feel my attention span starting to slip, but tl;dr 

also one last obligatory reason: he’s sexy (and i’m saying this as a lesbian)

god j*ces behaviour in s1 (and in general but s1 in particular) irks me so much !!!! even from like ep1 where he’s like “you know what alec? dial it down a notch 😐” when his boss (and elder) is like this does NOT add up. how he uses clary to be like “oh IM not being bad if SHE wants to go to the silent brothers :3 she doesn’t know it’s bad so again i have a scapegoat” or how he ignores alec trying to put some sense into him multiple times (city of bones, that graveyard part, the du mort roof) and how he YELLS at his superior ?????

this man is like i want to be ur panasonic <3 probs just so he can use that bond to side step authority “oh no he’s my other half he knows me and my intentions!! i’m going to break the law”

and DONT get me started on the whole “u treat him like lap dog” and he doesn’t even TRY TO DENY IT ??? just “takes one to know one :)” @ simon and i’m like......... u .... admit u like him for the legal mobility he gives u and his genuine loyalty..... and then he literally calls him like “yeah i get mayrse and robert need me back at the institute but i need YOU here to make me look good infront of the ginger i want to get with”......

(simon was justified in smacking him around that episode he at least knows what it means to care about ur friends without them existing to benefit u)

god i could go on all day about it... i mean i guess kudos to d*m for making it so easy to hate the blondie..... even then.... the whole mess with meliorn where he’s like I KNOW WHATS BETTER !!!! when he straight up didn’t know anything that was going on (lydia being there AT ALL, how alec and izzy had to take political slaps to the face) and then acting like alec was doing it all to antagonise him when jace only knows 2 things in his little pea brain: be an adrenaline junkie and be Terrible In Bed.

(thank u for entertaining me i’m writing a massive 2.5k essay and need something to yell about so that my writing is coherent <3 and i hope ur having a good day as well :3 - mitski anon)

AAUGH THIS ASK <33 I LOVE IT

gonna try to answer this somewhat cohesively but sorry if i fail 😩

ugh YEAH lmao like !!! alec is the acting head !! alec is also his older brother and parabatai!! for all purposes alec is the leader of this whole thing, he runs the place, this is ALEC'S institute. and jace just ?? does not give a shit and shows no respect to him whatsoever <3 bc thats how u treat ur boss 🤪

(even if alec WASNT the acting head hes still jaces older brother and listen i have siblings i know what we're like, even then jace has no respect and constantly pulls things and holds them over alec like !!! he uses the parabatai bond and the benefits it gives him to target alecs insecurities and just directly undermine him and UHGHG hate this bitch so much its unreal !!!)

YEAH LIKE i know i keep saying this but alec is trained for this he is literally the institute head HE'S the one with all the political training and he's the one who leads the communications with the clave and he's the one who all the fallout will land on when jace does the shit he does!!! and bc he loves his family he'll shield jace from the consequences !!! aaauagrrrrrgh

and i've said it before too but i can give clary some leeway regarding disrespecting and not listening to alec bc she's in a new world and she doesn't know their rules or customs (dont get me wrong she still absolutely acts batshit stupid and should listen to alec and MAKE AN EFFORT to learn wtf is going on and let the responsible ppl handle the situation, but she at least has an excuse) BUT JACE IS A BORN AND RAISED SHADOWHUNTER!!! HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE BEST FIGHTER OF HIS GENERATION OR W/E!!! HE SHOULD KNOW BETTER!!

alec is like: this is a bad idea and it will directly affect my reputation as a soldier and a leader, and if you take 5 minutes to listen to me i can provide at least 3 safer, legal alternatives, that will get results just as (if not more) efficiently

and jace is like um sorry did u say smth? no nvm i dont care goodbyeee

he really said "i know it's illegal and alec will have to deal with the results of what i'm about to do bUT IT'S THE RIGHT THINGGGG who gives a shit about rules or any semblance or order!!!"

jace goes "im a REAL SHADOWHUNTER i know our rules and laws and customs so i can INTENTIONALLY ignore them and break them ON PURPOSE!!!"

jace only knows 2 things in his little pea brain: be an adrenaline junkie and be Terrible In Bed. -> ASLDFKJ I COULDNT HAVE SAID IT BETTER ANON 😩😩

izzy should also know better but she at least makes the barest minimum of effort and tries to take some of the weight off alec lol, meanwhile jace is like "YOU LOST CLARY???" as if clary didn't purposefully evade alec and run away asdfhewfkdlsjhjks

simon smacking jace around rights!!! shoutout to simon for being an actually good friend and overall likeable person 😩 unlike SOME PEOPLE hwjkhsfkdd

omg goodluck on your essay anon!!! dang i should probably work on my hw too but im not for some reason hfsjskk

Contracts and Captains. - IV

A/N: Remember how I posted something before one of my other fics saying that I had been consistently updating for weeks? Neither do I lmao who was she? Don’t know her anyway heres the fourth chapter of this black sails fic.

Words: 1823. Honestly I’ve been writing this since about 12pm I don’t know how its so short and its probably shit bc I haven’t written anything in months.

Warnings: Mentions of vomit as per the last chapter. Think thats it lmao. See you in three months.

As your eyes opened, there were a blissful couple of seconds where the previous night’s encounter didn’t exist in your memory. But, just like the sun flooding the room, unwanted flashes of vomit and slurred words rose like a tidal wave in your minds eye. You rolled over, burying your face and groaning into the pillow out of sheer embarrassment as a dull throbbing started in the depths of your skull. 

Why did you keep drinking? You could’ve simply had one or two before retiring for the night and you wouldn’t have met that boatswain or thrown up on your own boots. What was his name again? Ben? Boyd? No, they weren’t quite right. Either way you made a mental note to apologise again whenever you next saw him. 

Slowly, you tugged your still clothed limbs from the thin sheets, trying not to jostle your stomach too much for fear of whatever was left in there making an unwelcome appearance. Your pants were scuffed from where you took a tumble outside the tavern, your shirt was half undone, probably from a failed attempt to undress before not-so-gracefully falling into bed. A single boot was thrown on the floor alongside your coat, the other still stuck on your foot. What a mess. 

A hot bath, that's what you needed, and a hearty breakfast if your insides don’t bring it back up. Pulling on the other boot, you made your way to one of the girls working downstairs, trading her coin to fill the tub in your room. You must’ve looked rough as you passed her to get to the man at the bar because when he turned to look at you, his brows shot up, disappearing behind his hair. 

“You look like you could use a little hair of the dog, love.” He chuckled, eyes scanning your disheveled form. A grimace was your immediate response. “Some food then.” He offered, filling a bowl with something that you didn’t stop to look at as you practically inhaled it. The man watched you with a knowing smirk and had you not felt so terrible you’d have spat out a snarky comment. You chose to gulp down your water instead.

“Thank you.” You huffed with a small nod, tossing some money on the counter before you headed back upstairs. The state you were in just added to this morning's growing list of regrets but you weren’t quite sure if you cared how you looked to anyone else right now. All that was on your mind was a piercing headache and a good soak.

Stripping off, you stepped into the water, sinking down slowly as your body got used to the heat. Finally, with a heavy sigh, you rested your head on the back of the tub, your aching muscles beginning to relax. Scented oils and soaps were left on a stand by the bath. Working a generous amount between your palms, you massaged your limbs and torso getting rid of any tension and purging the memories of last night’s… festivities. In the quiet of your room, you took a moment to trace the small scars that littered your form, fingers landing at last on the freshly healed knife wound from only a few weeks ago. The soft pink flesh was still tender, and if you moved the wrong way it would ache. It was dangerous to be alone on this island, in this line of work. You needed friends, not just contacts. A crew, perhaps. 

Letting your mind wander, you thought about your new found place among Flint’s men. You had to keep bringing in leads to be of any value to him, lest you risk being tossed aside and left in the dirt. He and his crew were among the most revered on the island, therefore cementing your part in that would bring security. It would ensure that other crews would leave you alone, as you were important to someone they feared and the consequences of harming you could be severe. 

Then again, there was a little more than security on your list of perks as you thought more about the taller man from last night. He was kind to you, not that the others weren’t having bought your drinks and all, but, he made sure you were safe and fed. Billy Bones. You recalled. Replaying the meeting in your head, you winced at the slurred introduction and the puking soon after. Why did you care about how he saw you? Was it because he was the crew’s boatswain or because he was handsome and softer than most pirates you’d met. 

Catching that last thought, you shook it from your head, refusing to let it take root in your brain. Attachments like that are a weakness here and you cannot afford to have those. You’d only met the guy once and he probably didn’t want anything to do with you anyway, especially after that drunken show you gave him. Cupping a handful of water, you splashed your face, scrubbing any further thoughts of the man from your head, instead, choosing to focus on finding a new lead for Flint. 

They would be leaving to chase down the details you gave him yesterday in a couple of days, if not sooner, which meant you probably had around two weeks to find something of substance upon their return. You’d struggled last time but after sending out letters to old friends in neighbouring ports, you were hopeful something would turn up. 

Padding your way to the dresser, you pulled out some fresh clothes and got ready, feeling much better than you did even an hour before. The food had settled your stomach and the water you guzzled seemed to bring some life back into your face as when you left to go hunt down some work, the barman from earlier spouted something along the lines of ‘A whole other woman’ when you walked by.

---

An uneventful morning led to an uneventful afternoon. There were no new letters or leads and the streets were pleasantly calm compared to usual. You certainly weren’t complaining, you had been feeling better since this morning but your body was still recovering. The easy day was probably just what you needed. You were sat on the beach, sipping some water and watching passersby as you sketched in the journal you kept.

It was something you’d taken to keeping since arriving in Nassau just over two years ago. A small leather book to help keep track of potential jobs and record anything interesting that happened. Really, though, you just loved to draw. You’d already filled a couple just like it with sketches of people, ships and landscapes that caught your eye, often accompanied by your messy scrawl. You were just about satisfied with your latest addition when Mr Gates clapped you on the shoulder making you jump and slam the journal closed. You’d never shown anyone the contents before. 

“Sorry, Miss Devereux, didn’t mean to startle you.” He began, chuckling lightly at your reaction. “I heard you and the lads had quite the night..” He moved to stand by you as you got to your feet, dusting the sand from your pants. Tucking away the book, an amused smirk finds its way to your face as you look at him. 

“Depends on who you ask.” You replied. “How were they this morning? Feeling sorry for themselves?” Your brows raised in question as you both started aimlessly wandering along the shore. A snort met your ears as his head fell forwards, looking at the ground then back at you. “I didn’t see the majority of them until at least noon and they were still in a sorry state, although I wonder how you must’ve been. I heard that you hurled your guts up right after meeting our boatswain.” Gates mused, eyes crinkling as he watched your entire face turn a lovely shade of red. You tried to keep your cool but your expression faltered into one of sheer embarrassment. Apparently, this was hilarious as Mr Gates exploded into a fit of hearty laughter, and as much as you told him to stop you couldn’t help but have a good chuckle yourself as you covered your face with a half-sandy palm at the thought.

When you both regain your composure, he gives you a reassuring pat on the back.

“Don’t worry, the only people who know are Billy and myself, the men still think you can hold your drink.” He winked. You made a move to argue that you could in fact hold your drink but he began talking about the plan to set sail the day after tomorrow. You listened intently and explained that you were awaiting correspondence from friends in other ports to supply more promising leads upon their return. 

---

It had been four days since the crew left in search of another haul using your most recent information. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened, you’d made some money here and there through smaller jobs and pickpocketing but overall, there was nothing of real interest. You spent the days reading anything you could get your hands on or drawing and you’d even had your eye on some paints in one of the markets, but all you could do was wait. Checking for mail at the front desk of the inn you were staying at every morning had become a routine, desperate for any work or ships that you could relay to Flint. It was on the fifth day that you had gotten a response from someone in Port Royal.

As you read over the letter for the third time, you could feel your eyes widen in disbelief, your heart hammered in your chest and you released a breath you didn’t know you were holding. This was far too good to be true. Surely this was a myth. A prize of this magnitude was simply unheard of. Your eyes scanned over the paper again, barely able to focus on the words because your hands were trembling so violently. Calm down. You told yourself. It can’t be the truth. You thought as you stared at the other envelope that had arrived alongside it. At the bottom of the letter it read:

“P.S

Should you doubt my information, I sent you the correspondence shared between the dead man and the merchant with evidence pertaining to this gold. Best not ask how it came into my possession.

Your dear friend,

Josiah.”

You ran to shut the windows to your room and close the drapes. If anyone found out you had this information and the evidence to go with it, you would surely be killed for it. Tearing open the paper, you unfolded its contents. It was all here. The initials of the merchant, R.P., details alluding to the existence of this gold and the name of the dead man involved in plotting the course it would be on. 

Vasquez.

God yes!!!

You know what the most fucked up part was about skam season 2? I was around 17 or so when I watched it. No relationship yet. And thought it's admirable that someone is so hot for you that they can't stop. And like. Fuck no. That's terrible. Your no should always count. And then even in the context of the SA noora experienced. Imagine how groundbreaking that scene would have been if they would have gotten it on and noora would have realized she is not ready yet and would have stopped William and they would have talked about it and he would have been understanding and patient and would have said we have all the time in the world?? Like fucking consent.

Also talking about the sex toys, like yes if they would have talked before about them it would have been maybe even like this icebreaker. But like this? Her knowing his insecurities right now coming to sex?? And then just getting over there like completely with the intention probably of getting it on? I think that's kinda disrespectful.

Do you think tiff and max would stay together a long time?

(also was he in a relationship with Maya before? Did they make love?)

(and thank you for talking with me about this lol it keeps me sane!)

OMG RIGHT??? so sorry it affected u that way that's so terrible... that's exactly why i dislike the whole concept of noorhelm so much like there r more "irrelevant" things that i just personally don't like abt it but the worst part is how they romanticized rly vile shit for a very impressionable young audience a lot of which rly saw themselves in noora.. n that's in no way the viewers' fault like the writing straight up promoted toxic behavior as a romantic thing 😐

ur idea of it would be SO much better!!! i wish we got more stuff like that from skam & its remakes... like when smth that has been set up as an epic moment like a love declaration or first time or smth goes "wrong" as in not according to plan but it wouldn't be considered a negative thing, instead it's a moment of growth for the characters. just showing that u never have to do anything u don't want to even if u figure out u aren't comfortable w it After u already agreed once! it's okay to change ur mind at any point n in a season w themes such as noora's that would be rly meaningful. like seriously in what world the canon scene wasnt triggering for noora like....??? how was that supposed to be romantic for a survivor (or anyone else to begin with) i-

yes icebreaker is a good way to describe it! if they had talked abt all of it before it would've been a cute moment like "haha i know this is silly but i wanted to apologize n we talked abt this before so 🤪" it would still be weird but.. in an intentional way? a self aware way? now it just feels weird in a bad way like tiff just went in w the assumption that they will not only make up their differences but also.. have sex?? even tho that was off the table even while they were on good terms.

realistically i think that max & tiff wouldn't rly work out for multiple reasons but since skamfr has glossed over those reasons... maybe they will then lmao 😭 like they have very bad communication atm (proven by this sex debacle where they never discussed max's feelings more + the fact that they have very weird expectations of max's role & their life w moïra) n tiff just existing around max's supposed best friends w her immense privilege that she doesn't even realize she has is not a good dynamic in real life. so i wouldn't see it working out. BUT LMAO france has decided that "in canon" not communicating actually didn't have bad consequences for them n they simply don't need to do that, they can just magically be on the same page + tiff is somehow besties w all of la mif including lola for no realistic fucking reason so that's not an obstacle to them anyway! 🤪 so, apparently a healthy relationship in the skamfr universe requires none of the things real life relationships do so they can be everlasting w/o ever putting in effort 💆‍♀️

and yes max n maya were dating before he came out! idk whether or not they had sex tho i don't think that was ever specified 🤔 i guess that since max wanted to take things slow bc tiff is "the first girl he's been w after transitioning" that kind implies that he's been w girls before that. don't know if that specifically would mean maya but still it seems to imply he has had sex before tiff, otherwise the sudden jump to their first time would be even weirder like imagine if he had never done that before n tiff just showed up w toys... at least skamfr hasn't lost their minds THAT much

For the meta writing asks: 1, 4,11 please!

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

Well with it being me I have approx 938382 WIPs haha, so i'll TRY to give a brief outline haha (*note, this did NOT end up being brief at all, a thousand apologies.)

- Hades/Persephone ColdWestAllen fic. Len is Hades, Barry is Persephone, Iris is kiiiinda Demeter in that she represents home and family etc etc. Basically, Barry needs Len's help and makes a deal that he'll spend six months out of the year with Len in the criminal underworld (see what I did there?), paying off his debt, and then the other six months with Team Flash. It's gonna be ColdWestAllen endgame but there's a LOT of angst and mess before they get there >:) Progress on this one is steady, but it's gonna be LONG, I'm estimating at least 250k when all's said and done. As for what I love about it - basically everything? This one is my baby and I love her, mostly cos I've never written coldwestallen before and they're an absolute delight, but also cos it's so angsty and complex! Len and Iris' dynamic is probably my absolute fave part though

- Body Swap Fic - Been working on this one today! Len and Barry are enemies with benefits. They swap bodies during a run-in with a meta and neither particularly wants their friends and family to find out about their, ahem, arrangement, so they agree to just... pretend to be each other until they can figure out how to switch back. Predictably, chaos ensues (Len is a terrible CSI, Barry is an even worse crime boss, it's a whole thing.) I'm not very far into this one, only a few chapters, but I'm obsessed with it :D What I love about this one is that (if I do say so myself) it's really funny. I'm leaning hard into the puns and ridiculousness and it's a real comedy of errors so I'm having a blast!

- Michael Snart Fic - This is a continuation of my super long fic, Aftermath, which was basically a rewrite of s1 but Barry and Len were dating the whole time. This fic is basically my combined rewrite of s5 (which I loved) and 6a (which i did not.) Aka Barry and Len's adopted kid shows up from the future, inadvertently triggers Crisis (which is totally different to how it panned out in the show) and they all have to handle the fallout. This one has kind of stalled - I have every intention of going back to it, I have maybe 20k-ish written, but no progress for a while now. My fave thing about it is probably Len having meltdowns bc he thinks he's a crappy dad but he's actually a surprisingly good one (aside from the fact that he sent a teenager back in time to stop Crisis by himself but we'll just ignore that haha)

- The Vegas Fic. Barry and Len get whammied by a meta and fall in love and immediately become convinced that running off to get married in Vegas is the Best Idea Ever, and Team Flash and the Rogues have to chase them across the country to try and catch them before they tie the knot. When I tell you I've been working on this on and off (mostly off though 😅) since 2017... I wrote the first draft in summer 2017 when i was Very Depressed, so it was BAD. I rewrote maybe 90% of it during first lockdown and that draft was Pretty Good, Actually, but then I... put it aside again and I haven't worked on it since. I just need to pull my finger out cos it's so close to done at this point it's just ridiculous. What do I love about it? Well, the sheer ridiculousness of it, mostly. The ridiculous PDA between Barry and Len. The way the love spell wears off at the worst POSSIBLE moment. The Vegas hijinks. It's just great, honestly

- Len/Savitar One Shot. This one's an AU, kinda like if Doomworld Len and Savitar wound up together. Everyone thinks Savitar is just Len's boy toy and he's the weak link in the Rogues, so they kidnap him to use against Len and discover they have made a terrible mistake... this one's mostly drafted, it's a short one so shouldn't take too long if I really put my mind to it, just needs finishing up.

There's probably more if I were to wrack my brains but I think that's quite enough to be going on with 😂

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

Okay, bear in mind that this is unedited and needs cleaning up, but I like it so far! The prose is ~fancy~ haha. I feel like sometimes in my writing you can really see the influence of my degree and it's always nice to see that I got some use out of my 9k a year lmao. This one's from Hades/Persephone!

The change in him was immediate, the sudden stillness. Frozen like one of Len’s icicles. The chill in him only intensified, his unease ramping higher like the music in a horror movie reaching a new crescendo, the scrape of bow against violin string as intense and wrong as bone scraping together. For a moment they were still as a photograph. Then Len realised that Barry wasn’t still at all. He had begun to tremble, not the usual overflow of energy translating into static, but a full-body shiver like an animal trapped in a predator’s view. His expression hunted, not so much the animal caught in the trap but the animal after hours of captivity, with the metal teeth of the trap sunk into skin like a vice, like his skin was the tree growing around a foreign object.

“Run,” Barry croaked.

Len glanced sharply at him. He’d seen Barry happy, angry, upset, in pain, frustrated, even anxious - but he’d never seen him scared. Not this terror. It was the kind of fear that lived in you, a primal thing, like the fear of monsters under the bed. Something lurking in the dark with nowhere to run.

11. What do you envy in other writers?

I mean, everything. This fandom - and other writers in general - are scary talented. But mostly I think I envy anyone who has the ability to focus on one thing at once cos my brain NEVER takes a break. I'm always having new ideas and I want to write ALL OF THEM and consequently nothing ever gets finished.

Thank you :D

Ask me a question about my fics/writing? :D

so the other day i reblogged a post and vagued about my issues with gk’s framing of iraqi tragedies in the tags, which was then replied to and that reply was circulated. while the reply was awesome/insightful/interesting i feel like my original point sorta got lost in the shuffle. i wasnt going to make a post about this for a bit but i feel like its been consuming my thoughts all day so i’ll elaborate what i meant under the cut! 

gen kill is david simon show, so like all david simon shows the thesis is “people exist in inside of a broken system.” in this case, the broken system is the marine corps chain of command and the people are the marines who have to carry out senseless orders. this is shown in many ways, including pointless dangerous missions (see: the bridge, danger close, etc.), how capable enlisted men are vs. most officers, how the “only good officer” nate is punished for rational choices, and how the marines have their spirits crushed because they are forced to senselessly kill iraqi civilians.

when i was in first year of undergrad i took an african studies class that in one seminar problematicized coverage of the Rwandan Genocide: how many times have you heard/read a Romeo Dallaire interview/account? how many times have you read/heard an interview from a genocide survivor? how many times have you seen pictures of bodies/skulls of genocide victims? the answer for the average person is a lot, hardly ever, a lot. with the iraq invasion, the questions would be: how many times have you heard the accounts of coalition soldiers about the iraq war across media types? how many times have you heard accounts of it from the iraqi civilian perspective? how many times have you seen statistics regarding the amount of iraqi civilian casualties? a lot, hardly ever, a lot.

that is all to say that in western media/society we are very comfortable listening to white narratives and just seeing brown bodies, which translates into only hearing white narratives of the tragedies of the deaths of others in foreign countries. in generation kill, iraqi civilian casualties/fatalities/tragedies are framed so that we feel sympathy for the marines that caused them as opposed to those suffering. that is not to say that we as the audience do not feel sympathy (i certainly do!) but it is because of our own internal empathy, not the narrative framing of the show.

let’s take a look at three of the biggest cases of iraqi civilian tragedy and how they’re framed in the show:

first, when rudy goes up to the roadblock and sees the dead little girl in episode 4. we get quite a few shots of the father’s shell-shocked face, but just as many are shots of rudy’s horror/sadness; we watch him walk away from behind from rudy’s perspective and we see that rudy is unable to look away from them. rudy didn’t actually have anything to do with it (aside from abetting i suppose), but even when he gets back to camp the show makes sure to illustrate how affected by it he is, ignoring brad and ray who call out to him. this one is actually surprisingly gk’s best example of eliciting sympathy for iraqi casualties; however, the focus of the scene is still on rudy and the father’s reaction is still mostly used to contribute to rudy’s guilt/horror.

the next scene is the little shepherd boys who were shot by trombley while out with their camels. we see the mom crying over her son, but its basically background noise and is if anything used to further the marines’ (particularly brad and doc bryan to a lesser extent) guilt at causing the situation. we know this because her actions don’t exist independently: they are used for the marines to react to. we also get considerably more shots of marines looking on in horror than her crying about her son. brad’s guilt/sadness about the subject is dwelled on for about twenty minutes over the next two episodes, longer than any of the actual victims’ screen-time dedicated to their feelings combined.

the worst scene is the man in the white car, which sets off the main drama for the next episode. we get why walt did it- the show goes out of its way to make sure that we do- but at the end of the day a man is still dead, likely for no reason. in the aftermath we get about a hundred heartbreaking shots of walt’s shocked face, with a few of brad thrown in as well. on the other hand, we get no shots of the people in the car being horrified at seeing someone they know lobotomized. we just see them run away, no sadness no horror no nothing: from the show’s narrative perspective, this man’s death has no impact on anybody except for walt and the other marines. to make matters worse the man’s face is only shown when the marines notice how horrifyingly disfigured his body is; to me this is robbing the real man of his dignity even in death. 

let’s take a step back and look at gen kill’s general portrayal of iraqis. we don’t really get to see the marines interact with civilians until they reach baghdad when they go into rundown neighbourhoods. here, the iraqi men are portrayed as greedy and dumb, cutting in front of children and not understanding that there are other types of government. that’s not to say that that didn’t happen in real life- i’m sure it did- but it’s essentially the ONLY view of iraq civilians we get: ignorant, greedy, backwards, etc. deadass the only sympathetic iraqi characters in episode 7 are children, where we get a couple of UNICEF-esque shots of doc bryan holding crying kids to drive home that guilt factor. i bring this up because it means that the iraqi characters are not written so that you feel bad for them or empathize with their terrible situation. instead, the narrative wants you to empathize with the marines (in this case, particularly nate) who feel guilty for causing this chaos that they can’t do anything to fix it. 

the only other time iraqi civilians even have lines is when a refugee women tells brad about how he is destroying her home, but even then the point of that isn’t really her pain but how brad feels guilty/ashamed about what the usmc (an institution that is part of identity more than anyone else) is doing that; also she’s attacking brad who really had nothing to do with the baghdad situation and already feels guilty about other things, so its just creating more material for brad’s identity/guilt crisis and our sympathies for it.

all of this to say is that in basically every single case civilian tragedies don’t exist in the narrative on their own: they are used for the marine main characters to react to: the village. the truck crew. the men at the roadside. even the syrian student.

also @sunnygreys replied to some tags i made alluding to this issue. you should read what they wrote bc it’s a really interesting counterweight to what i’m saying and offers a different perspective. but anyway basically they mention certain lines where people are like “no ones forcing us to be here.” particularly notable was when godfather says that no one is forced to be here because they’re all volunteers in episode 3. my view of this has always been that saying that is ignorance on his part and another symptom of the broken command system. godfather chose to be career military,  he chose to accept the mission, he chose to change the ROE, etc: there was no gun to his head. for the enlisted men, the ones on the bottom who actually carried out the mission that injured the boys, they are pretty much being forced to be there by their circumstances. out of all the marines we interact with in the series, im pretty sure brad is the only enlisted man who comes from wealth and by extension had other options, while most others either implicitly or explicitly grew up in impoverished/unstable households: poverty is the new draft. thats sorta between the lines, but i imagine david simon knows that because of his previous work on poverty. what isnt between the lines is that the command system DOES force men in lower ranks to “be there” and carry out order: they can get NJPed for disobeying, they sign contracts that they’ll be dishonourably discharged and lose their benefits if they break, etc. there’s no gun to their head physically but metaphorically its pretty close. to me at least, those lines are not narratively placed to make us sympathize less with the marine main characters but instead to make us sympathize with them even more, because it shows how disconnected command really is. david simon is a huge dick irl but he’s a really clever writer.

again, i reiterate that we as the audience likely feel sympathy for the iraqi population because for most people its naturally sad when people die/get injured/etc. i think a lot of points i made and ones made by @sunnygreys can be mutually true, but the main difference being that i really don’t believe that gk’s intention was to make us step back and reflect on our sympathy with the “oppressors:” i really do think that’s who the show intends for us to sympathize with most based on their choices in camera shots, who says what, etc. that doesn’t mean we can’t step back and reflect, as i hope many of us have, i just think that was an unintended consequence. (if i’m misconstruing what you said please lmk and ill edit!)

that being said, can’t think of a way that generation kill could have done better in this regard based on the book/characters it had. the marines ARE the main characters and by conventional standards its their narrative/feelings/growth that matters. but just because there may have been no other way doesn’t make it unproblematic. its another example of western media using violence against nameless, distant foreigners for their own horror. 

there are people wandering this earth who are dealing with the loss of the man in the white car, the little girl at the roadblock, an entire village. those little boys, if they’re still alive, probably have to deal with the severe injuries they got when they were shot by marines. those slums of baghdad may still be in unstable today and have likely lost community members due to sanitation/hunger/violence. imagine knowing that there is a show out there where you or your loved ones are being used as a plot device to make viewers feel sympathy for the ones who put you in those positions. i sympathize deeply with the marines of GK, but i can imagine how hard it would be to be in the iraqi population’s place watching yourself and your experiences interpreted in a way dissociated from your own suffering so that the primary victimhood can be placed on the ones who did it to you. 

in conclusion, i love gen kill a lot. i love the story and the characters, and i think its an effective story in terms of achieving what it seeks to achieve. i think it’s okay to love something and be critical of it. also if western media companies weren’t cowards and weren’t scared of losing american military financial contributions they would make a miniseries about the iraqi people who were terrorized by american invaders, including the ones we love in gk!