Hey!!! Love your writing and your works!

Was wondering how you'd interpret IK meeting Michael...AND GOD.

Like in OM! Theres this one part where Simeon invites MC and Solomon to the Celestial Realm and they go there.He than said "Oh Michael would've liked to meet u but he's busy"

This made me curious on how IK would react if she'd meet Michael and by some absurd means,also meet Father aka God.Like would she just bombard them whit questions of what's real and what's fake in the Bible? Or would she be all shy and quiet

(honestly I think both)

C-could you Also maybe write some headcannons? If you want to ofc!!!

thank you!! and- first i've got to make the now-obligatory michael don't leave me here michael joke

and now that that's out of the way - depending on whether michael is really a benign force or not, either ik immediately gains a new uncle upon meeting her, or she spends the entire meeting just side-eyeing him

she's got a good impression of him from luke, but she's also suspicious about the celestial realm in general - so it'd be down to how michael acts. in the uncle michael situation, it definitely wouldn't be long before ik's asking him stuff like "so is turning water into a wine a thing you can do or was that just a weird party trick?"

as for god... he probably does have a human-looking vessel, but in my head he's usually occupying a much grander form, the kind that'd blind a person to look at - so when ik somehow secures a meeting with him, solomon's like 'IT'S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE. TAKE THIS' and gives her a pair of extremely thick sunglasses, plus a massive sunhat

when she walks into the meeting chamber the gathered angels are under the impression a walking hat has come to meet their great and immortal father. at first they're outraged by this human's lack of respect, but god is so charmed by the sheer audacity that he just tells them to shush

I'm rewatching Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood cause it's been literally a decade since I've watched it.

So cheers, I have a reaction thread (because I'm a sentimental bitch)

Episode 1:

God, I've forgotten how it immediately just got to the action in the first episode. Like, it set up everything and gave a glimpse of nearly all important character.

Poor Isaac, was probably manipulated, but ultimately led himself to his own demise. Very bold though.

And god, I think I was too depressed at the time of watching it, but the Eldric brother's backstory was so painful with that small glimpse.

Episode 2:

I cannot for the life of me understand why this shit didn't affect me as much as it should've as a kid. It might've depression that numbed my emotions, but I guess we'll never know.

Anyway, my point is, this is is traumatizing, and that's me saying this as an adult. The backstory and the short glimpses of the mom, as well as the clear love and dedication they had for her? The way that Ed didn't even hesitate to try and find more truth? The way he dragged himself, bleeding leg and all, to the armor to shove it down, and connect his brothers soul to it???

And god, the way I just kept whisper-shouting when they came to recruit him, cause I didn't remember shit, going-

But man, as someone is is now so much older than Ed is in the anime, they make him act a kid. A very smart, powerful and purposeful kid, but a kid nonetheless. He's so young and you can just feel it in the little things he does. He does not have his shit together and is still figuring some shit out.

Episode 3:

I love the comedy this anime has. It has the funny little pauses and the interuption of what should be serious moments without ruining the actual serious moments.

It is exactly my cup of tea, with a silly joke that just poked fun at a kid or being, well. A kid. He's small, and that joke may remind He's small but I can also remind you that he is so much younger than his peers.

I am an atheist so I do have the same kinda mindset about God that Edward has. Rose has this sort of annoying mindset of God and his priests being this answer to all suffering and anyone who disagrees will suffer divine Punishment. It is frustrating at the start.

But I can fully understand where she's coming from by the end. She clung onto this hope, this prayer that someone she loved so much will eventually be revived. Rose then meets the brothers who lost someone they loved, and tried to being back as well. She saw the consequences and felt terrified. But she spent so long just clinging onto this hope that she desperately wants it to be true. So she argues, trying to convince herself that Cornella was telling the truth and she didn't waste so long praying for something that didn't exist.

People can find comfort in the idea of God(s). The idea that there is someone looking after everyone and offering guidance is reassuring for some.

That was not Rose's situation.

Rose's situation is more akin to having a loved one suffering from a terminal disease and convincing yourself that prayers and God will be able to do what science could not. You can not pray for the impossible. You can pray for hope, for guidance or for even a fast recovery. But you need to understand that even if you wish for something impossible, you cannot spend your life wasting away on these prayers and refuse to do anything else.

Rose needed to stop clinging in general because she was clinging on to something impossible that compelled her to try and attempt awful things. She needed to learn to stand on her own. Maybe she could one day find hope in God again, but it wouldn't be anytime soon.

Man, I went on a rant there.

Anyway, I just wanted to type all that put because my mind just felt like analysing for a bit.

I forgot what the philosopher stone even did until now. I remembered that it was powerful but I that was about it. Now I remember, it was shit about defying the rule of absolute equivalence.

I am kinda happy I forgot majority of the lore of this anime, it makes it fun to put all the pieces together again as an adult who can process things and analyse better.

Episode 4:

This hurts.

This hurts so much. They were so happy, and acting like actual kids. They played all sorts of games with Nina and Alexander. It was so bright. They were so bright.

But Tucker, the motherfucker, only saw what he was bound to lose instead of what he had. He tried to work his way through it, but eventually just gave up.

My heart sank when I heard him ask Nina to play the next day. It broke even more when heard Nina say, in that voice that doesn't belong to a kid, "onii-chan".

He sacrificed everything just to save his title pf State Alchemist. He gave up his wife and then his daughter and the respect of these kids.

God, I hate him. I understand him and his desperation and I hate him.

Scar is back though. We love scar man. He's weird but core to the story and has every right to hate State Alchemists.

Again, when I was a kid, I didn't feel much. This episode never hit me as hard as it does now. Back then, I though the Eldric brothers were being dramatic about the whole thing.

Now it just strikes me so hard how fucked up it wad to be willing to experiment on your own kid for a stupid title. To mutate her into an existence that was nothing like her human one.

Brotherhood didn't make it blatantly, but it was mentioned time and again, just how painful it was to be a chimera in the original. Nina was in pain and Tucker knew this.

I fully understand why this hurt the Eldric brothers so much now. That was horrid. And to be able to even see a semblance of yourself in that was painful.

aoejznajwuzgVw. OKAY SO

This is gonna be such a ramble, I apologize in advance, but first off, yes Nightwing Kara does indeed pair with Flamebird Kon (or Supernova. You’ve converted me wjejshwhs)

So the idea is literally born from just like, her and Karen’s brief time as the Flamebird and Nightwing of Kandor, and it got me thinking about what it would be like for that concept to have been more expanded upon. And the ways that it could keep in theme with the Superfam and the immigration story, especially with Kara and Clark as first generation, and then Kon as second gen.

Then that got me thinking (as always) about Kryptonian culture and what it means to Kara and Kon. Like, Kara does struggle with keeping her Kryptonian heritage alive and staying true to it atop of assimilation, and how she just can’t blend in with humans in the way that Clark and even Kon can. And then there’s Kon who doesn’t always have a reason to want anything to do with Krypton, despite being Kryptonian himself. Like, the way the three of them are so so interesting to me in the ways that they just never fully feel like they belong. Also like, parallels! While some of Kon and Kara’s story’s are obviously meant to be throwbacks to Clark, it means that they (Kara and Kon) end up paralleling each other in ways that are so delicious, but completely accidental. For all their differences, they’re also so similar in a lot of ways that are completely different from Clark , namely their tempers.

Which brings me back to Nightwing and Flamebird! It would be such an interesting way to like, really explore Kon and Kara’s dynamic, and what they mean to each other. Like, Kara is a nonbeliever. She doesn’t believe in the Kryptonian gods (which is funny af considering Thara became the Flamebird vessel in canon), and I like to think that after crash landing on Earth and seeing that gods to in fact exist, there’s more than a bit of bitterness on her part. I think it would be such a good opportunity to have Kara, technological prodigy of the science guild, be the vessel of one of the gods and really confront what that means.

I have more, but I’m already making this message so long qoejzbwhehehw

ARTHUR THIS IS SO GOOD. WAIT A MINUTE IM YELLING I LOVE THIS CONCEPT SO MUCH ?!?!?!?!???

firstly i do still think its so funny re: kara and flamebird/thara like. no gods arent real dont be silly. yeah thats my bestie theres a god using her as a vessel but like. its probably nothing. something here along the lines of that joke about edward elric meeting god and then deciding he's an atheist anyway.

but also YES......... science guild kara vs the idea of faith and also like, the way gods can and do exist in the dc universe, but not as the untouchable and lofty ideals that a lot of real-world religions tend to posit godly figures as (which is not in any means saying all real world religions do that, as i primarily have experience with only 3 out of A Lot of those, but. yknow.) i think that adds a different flavor to that kind of conflict. like, they're immensely powerful but also just as flawed as anyone else, oftentimes. interesting and fun potential to toy with there (ofc id come at it from a specific angle personally bc haha religious trauma but. lol!)

but kara and wanting to keep her culture alive and then doing so in this very literal way while still grappling with what facets of that culture she wants to represent and support. that's FUN. very real immigrant story in that.

PLEASE PLAY WITH ME

Okay let's get real here for a minute. But also have some fun.

I've never met Aidan myself but I'm dying to. But a part of me also isn't sure if I want to and I may or may not explain that later.

I was briefly discussing with someone else what I would do if given the opportunity to meet him.

I want to know how you all think you would react if you got to meet him.

Personally I'd prefer to meet him in like a laid-back, relaxed scenario. Not a fan-made scenario like at a con or something.

I'd love to walk into a little dive bar and go up to the bar to sit and have a drink by myself and I turn my head, and fucking I've died and gone to heaven, and Aidan fucking Gillen is sitting on the stool right next to mine.

That's like my ideal scenario. (In my ultimate dream scenario he is also single, having broken up with his S.O. amicably.) To meet him on my terms as just another human being.

We'd start having a chat and I would, of course, admit that I do know who he is but I wouldn't want to seem starstruck. It'd be hard to pretend I didn't know him because I have a fucking mockingbird sigil tattooed smack in the middle of my inner left forearm. It would be even creepier if I tried to pretend I'd never heard of him.

So anyway, I'm nervous right? But he's so fucking chill and down-to-earth that he makes feel comfortable. Tells me he's just a stupid skin-sack and there's nothing to be nervous about and he's funny and he's witty and I find myself feeling very calm. Calm enough for me to bring out MY funny and make HIM laugh because I would love more than anything to make him laugh.

And we'd talk for hours. About any and everything but not about his career. We'd talk about music, and our kids, what books we like to read, about the universe, the stars, and how we think the world is going to end.

In the ultimate perfect scenario he would absolutely decide to give me his digits and after that we'd become good friends. He'd call me from different shooting locations around the world just to ask me how my day was going and I'd let him vent about his and then I'd change the topic to something that has nothing to do with his job and takes his mind away from it.

There's a lot more after that but you get the idea.

Now, here's what I think I would ACTUALLY feel like if ever I meet him:

I'd be so fucking nervous I'd be scared I was going to puke and that’s never actually happened to me before but this time I'm so nervous I feel like I might actually die. My hands will probably be shaking and clammy. The blush in my neck and cheeks will unfortunately tell him EXACTLY what I'm going through. He speaks to me and it's my turn to speak and really, I'm so nervous I'm getting tunnel vision, and I might actually faint. Dear God please don't fucking let me pass out on Aidan Fucking Gillen. (Oh shit, that's right, I'm an atheist, you aren't going to help me)

When I do speak, I stutter and stumble, and fuck it all up and it's barely coherent. He thinks I'm a fucking twat but he's a nice guy so he doesn't say that. He just smiles, agress to take a picture with me and...that's it. He's gone and I'm a fucking idiot.

So, I want all of you to reply or reblog and tell me how you would LIKE to meet Aidan but then also, how you think it would REALLY go down. And be honest. Some of you already have met him, so tell me about that. But I don't want the cool, romanticized, sugar-coated version. Tell me exactly how badly your insides were twisting.

If you're afraid to say all this with your name attached to it, feel free to anon me.

PLEASE do this guys! I'm genuinely curious. And come on, it's fun as hell to sit and day dream about that absolute, perfect fantasy encounter and you know it is!

On a different note, anyone interested in a Y/N fic where I actually write out the full version of my ultimate Aidan encounter? Just a thought.

(All gifs in this post are my own)

King Belial

I asked Belial to show me a type of person that is a good example of his character. He showed me a vision of Madalyn Murray O'Hair.

Why her of all people, especially considering she is also an Atheist? Because once I watched some videos of her, I saw that yes, she is a good example of Belial's traits;

I -- Standing up for yourself, even when out numbered or up against powerful authority figures.

II -- Courage to speak your truth, no matter how unpopular you are.

III -- Intelligently debating people who are out to discredit you, but because of your intelligence you win.

IV -- Being who you are publicly, boldly, without fear, when who you are is hated by many.

V -- Being not only a seeker of justice, but actively pursuing it for yourself and others.

VI -- Being a champion for the underdog or the unpopular people/group, giving a voice to those without a voice.

Here are some of the best Madalyn moments:

-/~

It is a dehumanizing, sadistic religion, that this Christianity is, oooooooh it turns me cold.

-- What do you have against God?

First --

-- Why does He bug you?

Well, first off, here isn't any. And second off, the idea which you invented has caused more misery to every human being --

-- Listen

-- in all ages of history than any other single idea.

-- Listen, Mad ...

You're going to spend your whole life preparing to meet the Lord :D

Boy, you folks are crazy as hell!

-- That's why we have these Wake Up America Crusades, and tryin to get us to do more for

What's this? "Wake Up America Crusades"? :D

-- It's just a little name that we have, trying to get God's people to Wake Up and put the Lord first place because --

But you know if America wakes up, what America'll do is kick Christianity out and, uh... all of you preachers with it.

-- Your grief is not assuaged, as would be the religionists who believe there is another place, where happiness will again be --

Oh that's a big lollypop!

-- I know you don't believe that, but --

I think that we, we must look at them and we don't say, we never say, they've passed over or they're gone or they're reborn or they have uh, uh been transported or anything else, people are dead.

-- I want to ask Miss O'Hara what is she going to do with Jesus, who is blessed to return to Earth.

-- When Jesus comes back, you mean?

-- What is she going to do with Jesus?

Ahhahaha! I'm sorry, but I think you're just as funny as can-be!

-- Now don't say that...

Now if a little green man with purple horns would knock on my door and say 'I'm from Mars and I just descended', I'd believe him. But a shaft of light coming down and Jesus Christ digging up all these old dead bodies and resurrecting them when we're overpopulated already, this just leaves me cold. You know what, I -- I'd, first off I wouldn't do anything because it's never going to happen. I'll never be faced with the problem.

-- And that's why we're --

\

-- And I had a personal experience with the Lord, and the dangers of --

Indigestion.

/

Of course, the bible is a bestial book. And it's full of rape and slaughter and incest.

-- Yes, I believe the Bible. I believe Who Wrote It Wrote It. I believe God inspired it, the Holy Spirit Breathed Upon Its Pen, and I Believe It Because I want to. Okay.

Boy, you folks're crazy as hell!

-- Have you ever been tempted, to turn to God and pray, or pray to Him, but didn't, because you are an athiest?

Never. Never. Because in the ordinary course of events, people meet things, like I have met Death, there was Death in my family. I myself was supposed to have died on several occasions, etc. but I always turn to a good doctor, or I turn to something like this. Something that, uh, where assistance can be had, really. Because prayer is only deluding of oneself, that's all. Nothing else.

I'm 74 years old now. I'm diabetic. And I'm in really rotten health. And I hang onto life for there is nothing else that I can do, but hang-on and fight. And I'll die, too.

-- Okay so, you think she's going to Hell, then?

-- I don't know. I would like to have faith and believe that she could be saved. I say this, if she is ever saved

I don't want to be saved! I'm not interested in your ideas!

-- Do you believe you're a sinner?

No, of course not. I don't believe that anybody's born as a sinner. I believe people are just born, period. And I believe they're born without religion. Religion has to be programmed into them, like ya program it into a machine!

There is no, absolutely no doubt, that Atheism will win, hands down.

-- She seems to be quite upset that Rev. Harris and people like him want to share their views, and share what they have with others, and she says that they should keep it a quiet and a private thing, but why isn't she keeping her so-called religion a quiet and private thing, and why is she making such a big deal out of her's --

Because -- what the Christians do is coercive. They ask for the strength of government behind them, and they ask for the strength of tax funds behind them and special privileges behind them.

We don't go into a court room and say you absolutely will say some sort of prayer to Madalyn Murray before you testify, or you will testify on the book that's written by Madalyn Murray. We don't do that.

But you do that when the persons go in, with your domination of the culture, to use your book as a criteria, to say a pledge of allegiance with Your God underneath it.

( )

i got a

a pledge of allegiance with Your God Underneath it

( )

i got a

a pledge of allegiance with Your God Underneath it

( )

i got a

a pledge of allegiance with Your God Underneath it

( )

i got a

Astro notes from my personal birth chart ♊️ 🌞 ♋️ 🌝 Gemini asc ♊️

🌻 Having personal planets spread out in 5 different signs can make for a bit of an identity crisis hahah I have sooo many different interests and people find me to be one confusing ass person , it’s taken me years to find this as a blessing in disguise as I can relate to these 5 signs and with a wide variety of people quite easily.

🌻My Mars in Pisces ♓️ in the 11th house does in fact make me stick up for the underdog , i am not attracted to feet at all , and when I am in a sexual relationship I prefer to be friends with my lover. The detachedness from the 11th house with the watery energy in my Mars is a fucking contridiction . I find myself needing emotional intimacy with a partner but then when I’m in the act I can be in another world , I usually get pulled back with kissing 😽

🌻my Venus in Aries ♈️ in the 12th house is another paradox. I’m definitely more toned down than other Venus in Aries placements. I love the chase , but then one day you may get a shy side of me . It’s this hot and cold kind of energy which probably confuses the shit out of people , but at the end of the day I go by how I feel . Once in a committed relationship I’m IN IT , I have zero desire for anyone else . I think of this placement and energy as in this lifetime I’m to learn SELF LOVE ❤️ Aries Venus are astrologically sometimes perceived as selfish and the 12th house Venus needs to learn to give themselves the love they’re constantly over giving to others .

🌻 My mercury in Taurus ♉️ in the 12th house is my chart ruler and the ruler of my sun . For a Gemini I find myself to be quite reserved and I give credit to this baby , I know when to keep my mouth shut . Upon meeting new people or starting a new job , I sit back , and I watch , and I feel things out. It takes me a little bit to read the energies of the people around me to really open up and be my goofy self. I like to read things slowly and methodically, it takes time but once it’s learned , it’s in there for good. I get compliments on my voice allll the time and man do I love expensive journals and pens hahah nothing but the best.

🌻 Gemini ♊️ sun , conjunct the ascendant from the 12th house . When I was younger , I was extremely shy and didn’t know why people would look at me or stare at me and it made me feel self conscious as fuck . Ta da ! I feel this placement makes me confusing because well ... Gemini are the twins 👯‍♀️👯‍♀️and it’s conjunct my Gemini ascendant. I feel like a Gemini , then I also feel like a Leo rising and have a lot of Leo rising traits , but my sun feels like a Pisces some days too and I have the traits of a 12th house sun , buttt on other days I feel like a first house sun and carry a lot of 1st house sun traits 🤷🏻‍♀️

🌻 My biological father is a Pisces sun (12th house) and my mother is a 1st house sun , I therefore carry both of their energies in this 1 placement .

🌻 my step dad is a Pisces Venus and my mother is a 1st house Venus , I’m a Aries Venus in the 12th house I carry both of their energies in this placement as well.

🌻Gemini sun with a cancer moon makes for one very emotional Gemini lol , it’s funny tho because when I was younger I didn’t know people thought that I was cold and detached , but deep down my ass felt everything . It took me awhile to learn to work with these two energies.

🌻Gemini rising with an Aquarius mid heaven , people think I’m cool and aloof if they don’t know me , but once they talk to me they’re always so surprised at how “bubbly” I am .

🌻 Cancer moon conjunct Jupiter in Cancer . When I’m happy it expands out to everyone and everything ... but just how everything in this life is dualistic , if my moon square Mars ( Pisces / repressed anger) gets triggered ... watch the fuck out . When I was younger I wouldn’t even know I was mad until one day I would just explode and that’s how it felt , like an explosion of angry emotions that wouldn’t stop until everything was out . I’ve been working my ass off with working with my emotions. Just because you have certain placements or energies or aspects doesn’t mean you can’t learn to deal with them in a healthy manner.

🌻I’ve noticed that I have a lot of air moon friends , I find that I learn from them and question how they deal with their emotions , I find them fascinating that they can detach and analyze them or mind map them . I teach them how to feel the emotion and they teach me how to not get so damn lost in my emotions .

🌻 Moon in the 2nd house ; classic eats to emotionally feel better , another thing I’ve been working on . Instead of going for chocolate let’s dig around and see why we feel like this and not try to bandaid it .

🌻Jupiter conjunct Chiron , I’m half Caucasian and half aboriginal . I didn’t get to grow up with my aboriginal side of the family and on my Caucasian side I’m the only one who’s of a different ethnicity . I felt between worlds in a way growing up , I never knew where I fit in and never felt like I could fit in anywhere . It was this walking in the middle feeling .

🌻Pluto in Scorpio conjunct Black Moon Lilith in the 6th house . I remember being a kid and like some parents hating me .. for no reason . I also remember adults sexualizing me before I even knew what it was or was having sex . This aspect opposite my mercury in Taurus in the 12th house makes me extremely into psychology and esoteric studies . I find dating to be difficult at times because I can read douche bags like an open book . Hahah Lilith and Pluto in the 6th Opposite my mercury I find myself in a lot of sexual innuendos 🙄 . People sexualize me at everyday boring things , work , running errands , the *gym . When I was young and didn’t know how to deal with my emotional state this combo was deadly , depression, anxiety , suicidal thoughts . The Plutonian energies were so intense .

🌻 Uranus retrograde in the 8th house . Ummm yeah I know I’m weird , but have no fucking clue why lol 😂. This placement makes you painfully aware of being differen, on a plus it also makes you your own therapist. I went from drug party girl running away from her traumas to power engineer , owning her own house and doesn’t smoke , drink , or do drugs . Another psychology lovers placement and astrology lover 🥰. Also weird shit happens around me . Lights go on or off , things move . Alarm systems at work don’t go off when I enter the building. I also have Neptune retrograde on my 8/9th house cusp when have seen spirits and heard them . I would be lying if I said I didn’t love weird shit .

🌻Uranus in the 8th , I have been around death since I was about 8 years old having attended my first funeral service . I have had traumatic experiences with the passing of people close to me and I have known so many people who have passed away . I’m 30 and have had about 10 people I’ve known pass away . It’s something that I’ve always known . It’s a hard part about life but each time I go through a deep soul transformation where I question life and death and transcend something .

🌻Uranus in the 8th .. did someone say bdsm ?

🌻Neptune in the 8th , blurring of boundaries when i was younger. Like I legit didn’t even know what fucking boundaries were . Again something I’ve worked on and I’m happy to say , my boundaries are firm as fuckk .

🌻mercury (12th) trine Neptune and Uranus(8th) . Umm yes I do receive messages from spirit . It comes so naturally to me that I forget others don’t share this gift or have to work hard . I can go into a deep meditation easily and hypnotherapy . I also have vivid dreams and lucid dream . I am working on my dreams and astral projection.

🌻Saturn retrograde , yup bio daddy was not around and I am now reparenting myself as an adult 😁.

🌻Saturn in the 9th conjunct the Mc , I take this placement as the other reason why people think I’m cold before knowing me haha . I’ve wanted to travel for soo long , wanting to back pack and just go and be free but have not managed to yet , I always feel like I have something to do here or something comes up , I’ve just let go now and realize I’ll travel when the time is right and Saturn permits it hahah.

🌻 Saturn in the 9th , when I was younger religion made me feel uncomfortable af , I remember going to church and wondering why god was a man and why there wasn’t a girl god , and I also couldn’t understand why he was white ... it made no sense to me . Then where was my native god ? Why wouldn’t he just make everyone the same then ? Jupiter conjunct Chiron in the 3rd 😁 as I got older and traumatic death experiences happened , I then became a full blown atheist and pushed away the spirits I had seen from my mind and went on to party 🤘🏼👍🏼 ... until I had a transcendental spiritual awakening in 2017 . Which now I believe in consciousness and energy. Ahhh life

🌻 Aquarius north node conjunct asteroid Lilith conjunct the MC , people have scapegoated my ass since I had became a teenager haha. I had a very big issue with authority figures when I was younger whether it was with teachers , my parents , bosses, cops , you name it . I would rebel just to rebel . I’ve toned my shit down and have accepted that I’m quirky and different and a bit of a loner , I love it that way to be honest . I find that older men loveee me or hate me . Or both . Hahah I’m a very independent woman and do NOT like to rely on men for anything in my relationships. This placement makes me fucking determined to achieve my goals . It’s also the big fuck you placement to anyone that’s ever wronged me or told me I couldn’t do something . It gives me fuel and a will that I’m going to die trying before I ever fail . People laughed at me when I told them i was wanting to become a power engineer and well when I thought I was going to fail I just brought up their snickers comments and here I am today a power engineer 😈😉

🌻Lilith conjunct the MC , ahhh yes , I’m known for my looks and physique but jackpot to the rare ones that compliment my brains 🧠 🤓

🌻Lilith conjunct the MC, women feel threatened by just looking at me , which means I work really hard to bring a calming warm energy , I’m not fake but I do compliment women and pull them up and support them when I can . I have zero desire for drama or to take other women’s men .

🌻asteroid Lilith trine ascendant and sun , yeah I always wondered why people thought I was hitting on them when I wasn’t even interested lol but add a friendly bubbly Gemini ascendant with this aspect and you give off sexy vibes with out even noticing it . Fucking annoying to be honest hahah

🌻 IC in Leo , sun conjunct ascendant ... people say I wear my heart on my sleeve and what you see is what you get hahah

🌻IC in Leo , I shine when I’m with my family I feel the most comfortable around them and I love when they compliment me lol more than like anyone else .

🌻 If you were wondering why my chart seemed off I have 4 signs intercepted : Taurus / scorpio , Virgo / Pisces . My mercury , Mars , Pluto are all intercepted and my 12/6th houses are MASSIVE lol and my 11/5th are as well . Itty bitty 2/8th , 3/9th houses .

Let me know if you have any of these placements and can resonate 🥰

The Birthday Thing

READ PART ONE HERE

PART TWO: Guess who’s coming to dinner hang out for no apparent reason (as far as Grantaire can tell)?

Combeferre had inadvertently ruined the rest of Grantaire’s week. It wasn’t his fault, of course. He couldn’t be blamed for Grantaire’s Incredibly Bad Brain. But still, “I just know Enjolras and I know he likes you” is a very reckless phrase to pepper into a conversation with someone of Grantaire’s constitution. He could hardly fall asleep that night because the words I know he likes you were clanging too loudly against the bars of the jail cell he called a mind. He didn’t mind too much though. The clanging was because Enjolras liked him, which made all of the noise sound a bit like music.

Grantaire picked out an outfit for the party and laid it out like he was a little kid excited for a school trip. Embarrassed with himself, he threw the entire outfit into his clothing hamper so he wouldn’t have to look at it lying out on his dresser anymore. Which was obviously a mistake, because now the clothes were are wrinkled and they were touching his actually dirty clothes. Which meant now he had to do a half load of laundry on a weekday, which he really didn’t like doing.

As he folded his laundry, Grantaire felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Huh. It was from Combeferre. Odd.

hey, are u free? sorry lol i am bored and wanted to know if u wanna hang out ??

Very odd. Maybe the wrong number? Just to be safe, Grantaire texted back:

grantaire is folding laundry right now, like a responsible adult.

Two texts back:

very interesting use of third person..

i can help if u want! i love 2 fold things

So this was Grantaire’s life. He used to be young and wild, and now he’s the sort of person that makes plans with people who text him sentences like “i love 2 fold things.” He typed his response.

uh, sure? might get boring, but i’ll never say no to an extra set of hands.

About fifteen minutes later, Combeferre was inside of Grantaire’s apartment. “You got here fast.” Grantaire said.

“I was in the neighborhood.”

“Aren’t you always?”

Combeferre took in Grantaire’s apartment, which gave Grantaire such a wave of self-consciousness that he thought he might be sick. It was a fine apartment, kept clean mostly because Grantaire hardly spent any time in it. The ceilings were far too low for Combeferre.

“This is a really nice place.” Combeferre said. “Have you lived here long?”

“Five years, I think.” Grantaire said. “I think the landlord thought I’d have left by now, but, well. I’m still here.”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s nice. Good windows. Not easy to come by.”

Grantaire laughed at that. “Hey, was there something you wanted to talk about? Or are you just here to admire my big beautiful windows?”

Combeferre looked slightly embarrassed. “Uh, the latter, I guess.” he said. “I mean, just what I texted, I was bored, and I guess . . . I don’t know. I guess I thought we could just hang out?”

Now it was Grantaire’s turn to be embarrassed. Of course. Combeferre is the sort of person who’s actually, you know, decent. He was just trying to be nice and Grantaire was accusing him of having an ulterior motive. Way to go. Grantaire cleared his throat. “Well, thanks for coming. Feel free to park wherever. I only did a half load of laundry so I’m finished folding, sorry. I know how much you love to fold.”

“I went through a very intense Marie Kondo phase.” Combeferre grinned. “Let me know if you ever need your closet to be reorganized.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Grantaire said. It was dawning on him that, being more of the roaming type than the nesting type, Grantaire almost never had people over his apartment, and therefore had very little hosting experience. So he did what he always did in situations like this - said what people say in movies and books and all that.

“Can I offer you a beverage of some kind? I’ve got . . . tap water. And orange juice. And maybe beer?”

“I’m alright, thanks.” Combeferre said kindly. Combeferre’s fridge was probably fully stocked with sparkling water in every flavor for guests to sip on, the bastard. He sat down in a little chair by the kitchenette. “What, what is it?” he asked, looking at Grantaire’s expression. “Why are you - what’s funny?”

“Everything is too small for you in here. It’s like shoving a Barbie doll into a Polly Pocket house.” Grantaire said with a laugh. Combeferre tucked his long legs a bit closer to himself.

“Well, Barbie is a good role model, so I’ll take that.”

“I think an averaged sized woman or two might disagree. Anyways, you’ve got impeccable timing.”

“What do you mean?” Combeferre inquired.

“I mean that someone must have wanted us to hang out today. God, the Fates, some non-denominational arbiter of Destiny.” Grantaire was doing that thing he always did where he ended sentences in a way that begged the listener to ask him to explain himself. Why he chose to speak in these irritating circles? We will likely never know. Grantaire sure as hell didn’t.

Combeferre rolled his eyes, but he seemed more amused than annoyed. “You’re impossible.”

“It’s been said before.” was Grantaire’s reply. “What I mean to say is I’m literally never home. Not literally-literally, but, you know. This apartment is basically a glorified storage unit that I visit when there is absolutely nothing else to do. So the fact that you happened to be passing by on a laundry day...”

“... a work of divine intervention?” Combeferre finished.

“I’d go so far as to call it a miracle if I believed in that sort of thing.” Grantaire said.

Combeferre’s next question caught Grantaire off-guard somewhat. “So you’re an atheist, then?”

Grantaire had never actually seen a shrink, but he had the passing sensation of being sprawled out on some brown leather fainting sofa. Maybe that’s what this was, a psych eval. He’d get a message from the official Les Amis de l’ABC e-mail account later in the week saying “sorry, R, you’ve been deemed mentally unfit to be a part of this organization. We know the Musain is public property, but if you could avoid the premises during our scheduled meeting times we all think that’d be for the best.”

“Well, yeah, aren’t all of the lefties heathens nowadays? At least that’s what Twitter tells me.” he said. His paranoia would not rob him of his (debatable) sense of humor.

Combeferre just shrugged. “I guess if I had to call myself something I’d say I’m agnostic.”

“Huh!” Grantaire said, genuinely surprised. “A member of the ‘namby-pamby, mushy pap, weak-tea, weedy, pallid fence-sitter’ brigade, are we?”

Two things occurred to Combeferre at once: One, that Grantaire was quoting Richard Dawkins, and two, that Grantaire could not have been certain that Combeferre would recognize the quote when he said it. Grantaire was both the sort of person that committed Dawkins to memory and the sort that didn’t really care if someone mistook his references for a string of improvised insults. The more Grantaire spoke, the more Combeferre became aware of how little speaking they’d ever done.

“I guess I just think one can never be sure.” Combeferre said.

Grantaire thought now would be a good time for a subject change. “So, how is party planning going?” he asked.

Combeferre sighed. “It’s . . . it’s going.” he said. “Well, okay, I’m being dramatic. Courfeyrac is actually the one doing most of the planning. I just get weird about stuff like this. I want Enjolras to like everything, you know?”

“I don’t think Enjolras is capable of disliking anything you do.” Grantaire said in a way that to the untrained ear might sound like a veiled insult, but that Combeferre suspected was an attempt at genuine sincerity.

“Well, thanks.” Combeferre smiled gratefully. “I just want him to have a good time.”

“He will. It’s the rest of us you’ll have to work to entertain.”

“Well, Courfeyrac has a slew of party games he’s preparing. Oh, and, uh, Enjolras mentioned he’s glad you’ll be able to make it. By the way.” Combeferre said, which made Grantaire blush, which made Combeferre smile.

Grantaire hated that. Not just when Combeferre did it, when any of them did. Making faces or little comments, as if they were in on some big secret. It’s like they were proud of themselves for noticing Grantaire’s little crush, like they knew something funny or scandalous or cute. But they didn’t know anything, not really. Grantaire didn’t have a crush on Enjolras at all. It was more like a religion. Maybe he’d been too quick to brand himself an atheist earlier.

His annoyance with Combeferre soured the rest of their conversation. He became mean, curt, and downright humorless. This wasn’t at all fair, he knew. Grantaire probably annoyed Combeferre every third sentence (maybe every third word) and that had never stopped Combeferre from being his usual amiable self. There was another difference between the two: Grantaire lacked both grace and graciousness, and Combeferre, it seemed, never ran out of either.

“Well, I guess I should be leaving.” Combeferre said after a while, rising from the squat chair he was sitting in.

“I guess.”

“Uh, thank you for having me over. We should do this again some time. I had fun.” Combeferre lied.

Grantaire smiled, but the smile did not reach his eyes. “Yeah, why don’t we all do brunch some time? You can bring your friends, it’ll be a real party. Everyone can sit around admiring my huge windows. What a blast!”

Combeferre knew he was joking, but he couldn’t decipher the punchline. What would be so bad about having all of their friends over for brunch? Why did he say the word “friends” like that, all sardonic and italicized? Combeferre almost asked him, but instead he just shook his head and smiled.

“Okay. Well. Bye!”

Grantaire waved lazily. “See you around.”

Under normal circumstances, the phrase “Enjolras mentioned he’s glad you’ll be able to make it” would have found itself fluttering in the pit of Grantaire’s stomach. Instead, there was something else sitting in there. Something that felt a bit like failure, a bit like guilt, and - most surprising of all - a bit like affection.

This is precisely why he didn’t like having people over.

Survey #397

“you’re my religion, you’re my reason to live  /  you are the heaven in my hell”

Do you think that you’ll always love who you love now? Even if we're never together again romantically, I will ALWAYS love her at least as a best friend. Have you ever made out with a random person? Yeah, no. If you could do your first kiss over, would you? No. I'm lucky that my first kiss was honestly cute as hell. Do you like your country’s president or prime minister? Well I voted for him, so I obviously can't hate him. He seems to be doing fine so far, though take that with a grain of salt seeing as I don't keep up with politics. Even before voting for him, I just did a small bit of researching on his values. What color is your house? Yellow with white accents. Do you listen to Christmas music during the holiday season? No, I don't enjoy it. Man, Jason's mom sure did, though... I loved how in the spirit she'd get and always played Christmas music in the car during that time of year. I miss that woman and I sure as hell hope she rests easy now. Do you like ginger ale? Solely if I have a stomach bug, and I can only ever sip it. What are you listening to? "Electric Sugar Pop" by Jeffree Star. What’s the last thing you watched on TV? The TMS office has the TV on, and the woman who overlooks it (I have zero idea what her position is called) tends to have it either on a cooking channel or a home improvement one. Today was a cooking one. Is your favorite author the author of your favorite book? I don't have a favorite author. Describe someone you find really attractive: M-Mark Fischbach. *___* If you HAD to look like someone else, but could choose who, who would you choose? Hm... maybe my friend Alon. I've mentioned I feel like a million times that she is like, ethereal with how gorgeous she is. Have you ever seen someone get a tattoo done? If so, what was it? Did they cry or were they in a lot of pain? Yeah; it was a watercolor feather with "ohana" written below it. She didn't cry at all, but she grit her teeth a few times. Do you have anything you couldn’t go a day without? Some form of technology. Have you ever gotten caught doing something illegal? No. What’s your favorite flavor of Vitamin Water? I don't even think I've ever tried it. Is there someone you wanna date right now? Yeah. What first attracted you to the last person you kissed? If we're talking the very first, our vast similar interests. How many brothers does your father have? None. Does your best friend have any tattoos? No. Do you like Ben + Jerry’s? Yep. Man, I want their Phish Food ice cream now. Would you ever wish to be the opposite sex? Nah. Do you think you’re attractive? Nope. What is your favorite card game to play? Magic: The Gathering. I really miss my PS3 where I had Duel of the Planeswalkers installed on it, it was really fun. Do you own a globe? I don't think we still do. What is your favorite wild cat? Perhaps clouded leopards. If your bedroom had three portals to anywhere, where would they lead? South Africa, Sara's place, and maybe a nice little cabin in the mountains for when I'm feeling a peaceful getaway. You can ask any author one question about their story. What do you ask? I have zero idea. What’s a place you have a strong emotional connection to? The pond behind the local community college. Jason and I took our first prom pictures there. Do you take yoga classes? No, but I'm actually considering it since they offer those at the YMCA Mom and I now go to. What is a decision you’ve made that changed your entire life? To let Jason go. It's pretty great, my PTSD has been less of a bother lately! Have you ever made any money from a side-hustle? Could you consider being paid to take pictures once in a blue moon a "side hustle" when I don't even have a main job? Do you ever wonder what kind of person you’d have turned out to be if a certain event never happened to you? Ugh... it's incredibly painful to wonder how life would be if Jason never left. If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? Adele's or Amy Lee's, probs. What are your top 3 favorite genres of music? Metal, hard rock, alternative. Do you think Mars will be colonized in your lifetime? No. Have you ever been homeless? If so, what led to your homelessness? Technically, yes, because Mom couldn't afford the rent. She, my little sister (who still lived with us at the time), and I each were accepted into the homes of willing, kind people, though. Have you ever been on a ship? No. Who was Van Halen’s better singer - David Lee Roth, or Sammy Hagar? David. Which fictional character has the most memorable quotes? Heath Ledger's Joker is quoted all the time, so probably him. What do you think of the "Healthy At Every Size" movement/philosophy? Before I answer this, I want you to keep in mind that this is coming from someone who is obese, so I would positively love to agree with that for my own self-confidence, but I don't. I believe it's a very dangerous mentality. I think you should cherish your body unconditionally, like it's an amazing machine, but I firmly believe you should have an active interest in becoming what is physically healthy. You couldn't pay me millions to convince me that, say, a 300 lb. person is healthy. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them? I think my first *real* crush was this guy Sebastian my freshman year of high school. I thought he was very sweet, funny, caring, and attractiveness was a bonus. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat? Sashimi, caviar, raw eggs... Which famous person would you like to be BFFs with? Bindi Irwin, for one. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. Have you ever been bitten so hard that there teeth marks were there after? I mean I've had hickeys before if that's what you're asking. Ever gave one? Oh, I guess you were. Yeah. Do you think its weird if guys wear make-up like eyeliner? Not at all. Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) Yes. Would you rather adopt or have your own child? IF I wanted kids, I'd rather have one myself because I'm well aware I personally need that special connection. Stepkids count, too, because they'd be my partner's and therefore very important for me too. What is the most personal question you have ever been asked? Probably TMI, so here's your fair warning, but I've been asked before if I "touch" myself and I was absolutely repulsed that someone would ask me that. Were you abused by your parents? No. If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? Sara. Were you one of the smartest in your class? Up to finishing high school, modestly, I was. Where did you meet your first crush? Art class my freshman year of high school. Do you ever go places with wet hair? Yeah, idc. Who is your favorite little girl? My niece Aubree. She's such a wonderful girl. Does your best friend have kids? No. If you were pregnant, would you want a boy or a girl? Hypothetically, a girl. What place outside of your own home do you spend the most time at? Um, maybe my older sister's house? Have you ever participated in a medical study? No. Do you have any family members who are cancer survivors? Yes, including my mother. Twice. Are you allergic to any medications? None that I've tried. Do you have any licenses other than your driver's license? I don't even have that. If you’re atheist, would you raise you kids believing in God or not? No; I wouldn't intervene with their own spiritual (or lack thereof) journey. They'd learn what they'd learn and decide themselves what they believe. Do you like reading self-help books? No, I just can't get invested in those. What is your opinion on sex change? If you're unhappy with your body, you're more than free to surgically change that with no judgment from me. Do you have any goals for this summer? If so, what are they? Yes, to lose weight. Can you get a strike at bowling? I have before. There was one occasion where my first go was a strike RIGHT after saying I sucked at bowling, hahaha. Do you ever take pictures of negative moments? Well, I photograph roadkill, and that's one hell of a sad moment. I actually wouldn't mind broadening my horizons of photographing negative moments (with permission of course), because I actually find these very impactful and even builds empathy. I will never, ever forget this one picture I saw sometime of an emaciated boy huddled in the dirt with a vulture close by watching him... like fuck, it made me want to sob. No one should ever have to live like that, especially a child. Would you ever post a picture of yourself crying on social media? No. I know that sounds contradictory to what I just said, I just wouldn't be able to do it myself. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Once, when my last niece was born. I'm terrified of holding them because they're just so fragile. Do you know anyone who has twins? My friend just had triplets. What is your favorite country in Europe? Germany. Are you thriving in your life right now? BOY HOWDY- Do you remember to water plants? I don't keep plants. Name three YouTubers you aspire to be like. 1.) Markiplier in a vast plethora of ways; 2.) Jeffree Star for his incredible work ethic; and 3.) Shane Dawson for his incredible compassion. Yes. I know the controversy, but regardless, he cares a lot about people. Who is your favorite character from Harry Potter? I wouldn't know, given I haven't read the books or seen the movies. Do you watch PewDiePie? Not anymore; his content doesn't interest me anymore. I watched him religiously back in the day when he was a serious let's player, though. Do you have a Steam account? Yes. Have you ever played Five Nights at Freddy’s? No, not personally. I like watching LPs of it and I find the story fascinating, but it's not the kind of game I'd enjoy playing. Have you ever tried Akinator? Yes. I don't think I ever beat it, except maybe once. Are you wearing socks right now? No; unless I'm wearing closed-toe shoes like sneakers, I never do. I hate the feeling of them. Can you twerk? Haven't tried, don't wanna. Do you like dabbing? No, it looks stupid. Do you like fishing? I honestly do think it's fun with all the anticipation and thrill of seeing how big the fish is, however I don't support it anymore unless, like hunting, you genuinely need it for food. The only case where I'd go again was if my dad asked me, because that's always been our bonding experience. Do you have a Spotify account? Yes. Have you heard of Blizzard Entertainment? Well, they're the company behind World of Warcraft, so obviously. Do you like bananas? Yes, but only for a VERY short window of time. I am beyond picky with the ripeness of bananas. Are you addicted to anything? Caffeine and technology. Do you know your phone number? I actually don't. Do you swear in front of children? No.

May I request TFP Autobots and Hellboy (Movies) Crossover imagines? Can you especially emphasize on their first meeting and what they think of each other? Preferably post canon in TFP. Thank you bunches!

Ohh yeah! It came out very long, but I just loved the idea! I really enjoyed writing this.

Words: 1,709

----- "Ratchet, you called me, what happened?" Optimus asked, approaching his old friend. "I recently detected Decepticon activity." He replied, not bothering to turn his helmet towards Optimus. "Where specifically." "On Mont Maudit, specifically on a mountain in the Alps, on the border line between France and Italy." He typed in his digits, showing the location. "They must have found energon there." Optimus fell silent. Then he looked at the screen. "Is the group of Decepticons large?" "No Optimus, it's small." “Okay, so Ratchet, Arcee, Smokescreen and I are going to investigate, get the bridge ready.” He spoke and walked away. “Whatever you say, Optimus.” --- “On the Mont Maudit? And what had we forgotten there?” Hellboy asked, settling into the plane's seat. "The reports said that the villagers in this area complained about balls of lights stalking their homes, beings that come out of the water and then disappear, little men who leave their crops and livestock a disaster." Abe sat down facing Hellboy, putting his report folder and some papers on top of it. "Mont Maudit is popular for legends of witches, gnomes, ghosts, demons, saints, and monsters in general." “I think I have read or heard a legend from this area that, thanks to someone, the beings were trapped in the snow and since then they cannot leave. So they became more aggressive in recent decades." Liz approached in the seats, standing on tiptoe and putting her luggage in a closet. She then joined Hellboy and Abe, sitting next to Red. “Wow, this will be fun.” Sarcastically he murmured, lighting his cigarette. --- "Oh my God! May I accompany you?!” “Miko, no.” Arcee stepped aside, approaching Ratchet. "But whyyyyy????" She whimpered annoyed. "You bring a lot of problems." Ratchet snapped with venom. "Me? Bring problems? What's going, I don't even do it!” She raised her lower lip, offended. No one answered Miko's answer, nor did they flinch at looking at her! She felt sunken and sad... Until she saw Smokescreen. A sly smile appeared on her face. “Hey! You!" She murmured, waving her hand at him to come closer. Smokescreen looked to his sides, and put his digit on his chassis, making a movement on his nonexistent lips, saying "Me?" “Yes you Smokescreen! Come here." She waved her hand more. Smokescreen approached the Asian girl, Miko waved her hand more so that he leaned, he did. "Hey Smokescreen, Optimus and Arcee are going to make a patrol in the area that I want to visit, but they won't let me!" She got dramatic, closing her eyes, wrinkling her face, and placed the palm of her hand on her chest, concealing pain. “My parents had promised to take me there before, but their jobs broke our plans! Please Smokescreen, please! It's my dream!" Her eyes filled with tears. Smokescreen pulled away with shook, not knowing what to do. "What should I do?" The young autobot asked himself. "It is her desire for him after all, nothing will happen if I take her on this patrol, right?" He questioned himself. Seeing the poor blushing little face of her crying with puffy eyes, he had no choice to accept. Miko was glad in the outside, smiling, but internally she had fireworks of joy. It always works playing with feelings, right?

--- "It's good here." "The temperature is -18ºC, damn you red demon." Trembling, an old local man, surrounded by the old man, complained, leading them to a cave, where supposedly balls of light had been reported entering and leaving, that is, witches. "It's supposed to be here." Abe grabbed closer to his leather jacket. "Is there anything else that has been reported in this cave?" “I heard from some mischievous children talking about alien robots, who go in and out of this cave. But surely it is their imagination, since lately the children had become obsessed with a series of television on animated science fiction, I had seen several series, only technology is present there. » "Anything else?" "No." “Okay then, we will camp outside the cave. We will wait until night to hunt down the monsters.” --- “Arcee, you will check the western part of the mountain, Smokescreen, the eastern part. I will review the South and the North. If you detect the cave, warn on the communication radio.” "Got it Optimus." Arcee spoke. "Perfect then, see ya." Smokescreen walked away from his group. After he had walked enough, he opened his chassis. From it came Miko, panting. “I was suffocating from the unbearable smell ! When was the last time you had a bath?!” "I don't remember having bathed..." "You are disgusting!" "Do you want me to remove you from my chassis and carry you in my hand?" Miko began to tremble from the cold air. She lowered her gaze and breathed out. "Perfect then." Smokescreen laughed. They walked only ten minutes until Miko spoke in an annoyed tone of voice. "I am dying of cold." She curled up and tensed from the cold, trying to keep her body warm. Smokescreen quickened its pace. Before long they found a cave. “It must be this cave.” “Let's get in then! Or I will die of hypothermia” --- “Look, there are the skulls of some infants.” He touched a small skull with his boot to verify his statement. "Horrible." Liz wrinkled her face. "I forgot to mention that some babies had disappeared in the past two weeks." "Were they baptized?" Abe asked. "We don't have churches in our town, and if we want to baptize the newborn, we must come down from the mountains, something uncomfortable and difficult for us, that's why we just don't do it." "Are you atheists?" Hellboy hit the skull aside. "I would say that most do, but there are some who are Gnostics, nothing more." The older man shrugged. “Red, Liz, we'll have to climb to get to the witches' nest.” Abe pointed his fine finger at a cave that was almost on the ceiling.

--- "It's still cold in the cave." Miko trembled, holding her arms and rubbing them, trying to increase the heat. "Do you want to stay in my stinking chassis?" His smile widened from "ear to ear". The teenager frowned and put her lips in a fine line. Smokescreen just laughed softly. They advanced, until they heard a scream. They stopped. "Surely it is the wind." Miko argued. "Wind?" "Yes, I heard from Raf saying that in the caves, as there are many holes there or something that the wind upon entering produced sound-" Without finishing her sentence they heard another scream. Then another, another, and another. The screams were agony, some were higher than the others. Without a doubt, Miko's theory was momentarily rejected by the two friends, and they cautiously made their way to the source where the screaming was. Miko noticed that the temperature in the cave started to rise, surprisingly. As they turned a corner to the right, they noticed two "hallways". They stood between them and tried to identify which of these "hallways" the screams came from. "Left." Smokescreen claimed. "Left." The Asian girl agreed with her friend and nodded. The two entered the left "hallways". The screaming stopped, but they were more certain that they were reaching their destination, they trusted this. “Damn witches, they started to breed like rabbits!” A deep voice screamed in displeasure. "Stinky." A female voice spoke, but in a disgusted tone of voice. “Witches?” Miko questioned herself mentally. But her curiosity forced her to run towards the voices, which made Smokescreen gasp in surprise when she realized that she was very close to the entrance of a smaller cave than the previous ones. Smokescreen's ultimate terror was when she turned abruptly toward the cave entrance. He had to risk and run, making noise and tremors on the floor. What if it was Soundwave? Turning, he found this image: there were corpses all over the small cave, the blood was scattered on the ground, some "witches" that he thought they were, had some extermination ripped out, but they were few. But most of it was that their heads were exploded, as if a bomb had been put in their mouths. He encountered two humans, a man with wrinkles on her face and a woman with short hair. They had also... What were they honestly? A red human with severed horns and a blue humanoid? Were they other rare human races? The human with the wrinkled face dropped his weapon and fell to the ground, and the red man opened his mouth and dropped the cigarette he smoked. “Holly molly...” Red muttered. "Oh dear..." Abe muttered. "Oh God..." Liz murmured in unison with the old man. They were all in awkward silence. Miko gasped and her eyes lit up. "Did you guys do it?!?!? This is amaizing!!!!” Everyone was left with confused faces upon hearing the teenage girl's words. --- "Miko, you will never go out on a patrol with us, never." Angry Arcee spoke. "And I don't regret doing it." She sat on the sofa in a huge fur jacket and snuggled into it, pulling out her mobile phone and staring obsessively look at it. “Raf, look.” She approached the boy with glasses to show his photo in his eyes. "We had encountered with nonhumans." Raf adjusted his glasses and narrowed his eyes. "Were you in a city?" "No! We had found them in the cave! They killed witches! Look!" Show other photos. One of them showed Hellboy holding the head of a witch kissing her passionately. Raf wrinkled his nose. “Don't make up stories to get attention, Miko.” Jack spoke from his computer, finishing his homework. "Do not criticize! You haven't even seen the photos!” “Can I look, Miko?” The leader of the autobots approached the sofa. "Of course!" She got up from the sofa, dragging the fur jacket in her path. The photos looked friendly, first were some selfies of her and people outside of him, then came some funny photos of them doing silly things with the corpses, such as Hellboy dancing tango with one. “Also I asked for their phone numbers and they were so nice to give them to me. I also gave them mine so we can stay in contact.” Miko boasted. "YOU GAVE THEM WHAT?!?!" Ratchet yelled.

Speculation about an unusual birth

(Because “‘tis the season” and all that.)

In today’s episode of “Never Ask a Knowledgeable Atheist What He Thinks Really Happened”...

If the story of the birth of Jesus Christ has any truth to it, and if he really was the result of Mary getting pregnant without Joseph’s help, then it stands to reason that somebody had to be the daddy. Being an atheist, I rule out the presence of God, so the question is obvious: is there another candidate? Funnily enough, non-Christian sources from the second century do record an alternate father for the figure we call Jesus. 

Now, granted, those sources were looking to counteract the already-popular “virgin birth” story, and they were often virulently anti-Christian, so they went for the most shameful possible alternatives in that day and age: stating that Mary was either assaulted by, or had an adulterous affair with, a soldier named Pantera, and that Jesus was the result. 

 This was so persistent that it leaked into the Talmud and medieval Jewish writings. Some sources, such as the Toledoth Yeshu, garbled this story a little, combining Pantera with Joseph and giving Mary another husband altogether who abandoned her after the baby daddy’s deception led to conception, but everybody ultimately comes down on 1) there was another father, and 2) his name was Pantera.

Christian Response

Christian apologists have had answers for this story almost since it began. Many otherwise reliable scholars argue that pantera is a pun on the Greek word parthenos (“virgin”) and not a real name; in other words, detractors were making fun of the idea of Jesus being the “son of a virgin” by called him the “son of a panther,” or a lusty animal. But it has zero historical or linguistic basis. As far back as 1906, Adolf Diessmann showed conclusively that the name “Pantera” is a real name, not unusual, and further that it was favored by Roman soldiers, who used it fairly commonly.

Other much earlier sources, Church Fathers apparently unaware of the parthenos pun hypothesis, decided that rather than ignore Pantera, whose story was evidently already very widespread, they’d hide him somewhere in Jesus’ genealogy and claim anti-Christian sources were mistaken. Epiphanius claimed that Joseph’s father’s surname was Pantera, which -- by his own admission -- would preserve the “virgin birth” he himself believed in and still make “Jesus, son of Pantera” technically accurate by that day’s standards. Someone else claimed Mary’s grandfather bore the name of “Pantera.” While either is certainly possible (the discovery of an ossuary with the name “Pentheros” in a Jewish first century tomb in Jerusalem by Clermont-Ganneau in 1891 has given us additional evidence that the name was in use in Palestine by Jews at the time), this smacks more -- at least to this reader -- of two attempts to make a square peg fit a round hole.

At the end of the day, we are left with “Jesus, son of Pantera.” This would be enough by itself, but we even have an existing candidate for exactly which soldier named “Pantera” laid the pipe. (And I say candidate only because the evidence is circumstantial at best; definitive proof does not exist.)

A Grave in Germany

In October 1859, during the construction of a railroad in Bingerbrück, Germany, tombstones for nine Roman soldiers were accidentally discovered. Among them was the memorial marker of one Tiberius Julius Abdes Pantera, a soldier of 40 years, former standard bearer for the First Cohort of Archers, who had died at the age of 62. (Presently, the marker resides at the Römerhalle museum in Bad Kreuznach, Germany.)

The Roman names speak for themselves -- both may have been given in recognition of serving in the army as he obtained Roman citizenship, with the particular significance of Tiberius being that Tiberius was the Caesar on the throne when Pantera was discharged, and so he’d have added the emperor’s name to his own when granted citizenship -- but “Abdes” is especially interesting. It seems to be the Latin form of an Aramaic name. (You know, the language Jesus and his fellow Jews spoke?) According to etymologists, Abdes comes from Ebed, which means “servant of God” in Aramaic.

I know what you’re thinking: “Why would a Roman have an Aramaic name?” Well, a lot of poor Jews and other impoverished men of Near Eastern cultures in that day, who for whatever reason could not find viable alternatives in their native place, would hire themselves out as mercenaries. Sometimes even to the hated Roman occupiers -- after all, if you hung around long enough, you got Roman citizenship and a pension in addition to your wages, which was no small reward in the days of the Empire.

Lending credence to this theory that Pantera wasn’t strictly Roman, according to his epitaph, he came from Sidon, on the coast of Phoenicia just west of Galilee (where, you’ll recall, Jesus is reported to have lived most of his life). More than that, based on the known movements of the First Cohort of Archers, they transferred from Palestine to Dalmatia in 6 AD, and to the Rhine in 9 AD. So Pantera was not only in Palestine at the right time for Jesus to be conceived, but he wasn’t Roman by birth; he enlisted locally, from an area close enough geographically that it’s even more possible he and Mary could have met.

Tiberius ruled from 14 AD to 37 AD. Pantera’s 40 years of service would therefore have started between 27 BC and 4 BC. As Pantera would probably have been about 18 when he enlisted, it means he was likely born between 45 BC and 22 BC. He could have been as young as 15 at the probable time of Jesus’ conception, which is worth noting because, from what we know of Jewish society back then, a boy would have been learning his trade by age 10, engaged at 13 (girls would typically be 12), and married by 14 (girls, 13); precocious and unconscionable by today’s standards, no doubt, but nonetheless the reality.

So... even absent definitive evidence, we have a viable candidate for the baby daddy -- right place, right time, right name, right age for things not to be icky, the kind of background where he and Mary could conceivably have met. But what about the stories of assault and illegitimacy?

Possible Explanations

Well, let’s look at what we know about Jewish culture at the time and speculate a little based on that:

This was a patriarchal culture where, as Fiddler on the Roof puts it, marriage was decided by the papas.

Sex outside of marriage was frowned upon. Shit, women were called whores just for getting divorced. (An echo of this exists even in Jesus’ own Sermon on the Mount, where divorce for any reason other than marital unfaithfulness is considered blameworthy.)

When tax collectors were being excoriated as traitorous collaborators by their fellow countrymen, imagine how much worse you’d get it if you slept with a Jew who went on to become a soldier in the Roman army. Why, the man himself, regardless of any lover or wife, might be disowned, a practice whereby parents considered their child dead and observed the traditional seven days of mourning.

Continuing on that seeming tangent from the last bullet point, if a man died without having children, Mosaic law held that his brother was responsible for marrying his widowed sister-in-law and continuing the family line in his brother’s name. So if a disowned son “died” without having children, well... maybe his brother had to pay for that choice.

Based on that, and sprinkling in a little long-standing Catholic tradition which portrays Joseph as an old widower (bearing in mind that many people in Jesus’ day didn’t live past 40, so even approaching one’s late thirties was considered “old”), I think I have an interesting idea about what went down. 

All of it is speculation. Every single bit of it. But isn’t it funny how it basically aligns with recorded tradition, even in the Bible and apocrypha, when you strip out the supernatural elements? (Okay, that’s a little strong, but, I mean, it’s not a huge stretch. It lines up.)

My Interesting Idea

Meet Miriam. a young teen by today’s standards. Like any other young teen at any time in recorded history, she’s a force of nature, with hormones and with emotions so powerful they shock even her. (Healthy teenage development can look pretty irrational. A minor annoyance can turn into an emotional earthquake that knocks everyone in the house off balance. Not much has changed.)

Meet Ebed. Maybe he and Miriam have known each other their entire lives; maybe he’s new in town and just cute enough to catch her eye. He has ambition. He feels he isn’t destined to stay in some obscure backwater, and he wants to make something of himself. More than that, he’s hungry. But odd jobs aren’t cutting it. If he puts his foot forward to betroth Miriam, her father will laugh in his face. In their time and place, marriages are arranged, and he has nothing to offer.

If anything, Miriam’s father is more interested in his older brother, Yosef, a widower. Being a tekton (often translated as “carpenter,” but more accurately a stonemason or architect) making decent money from Herod and Rome reconstructing Palestine in their image, he’d be a sound choice for her future. So she wants the brother, big deal -- what say does she have in the matter? It’s the same family. She’ll see him all the time!

One day, Ebed -- whose name I’ll remind you means “servant of God” (those Christian mystics do say the Lord works in mysterious ways, don’t they) -- visits Miriam with his usual flattering words. She knows something’s up. He tells Miriam that he’s found a way out, a way to make his mark on the world, but while it can provide for the two of them, it will expose them to shame and disgrace forever, and there’s even less chance her father will think their betrothal is a good idea. Namely, he’s joining the First Cohort of Archers. Knowing what this will mean for their relationship, even though she has known no man in the biblical sense (which makes her reluctant at first), she ultimately accepts a “proper goodbye.” Unfortunately for Miriam, in her time, place, and circumstance anyway, she was left with a reminder of his love. And the minute she knows she’s pregnant, she runs off to hang with her cousin, who just got pregnant herself under equally unusual circumstances. Running to visit a cousin in the same shape? Sounds like someone who was scared, or needed advice or time to think about what to do.

(Note that all of the above, once you strip out the supernatural angle and added frippery, is exactly what’s in the Gospel of Luke: a servant of God visits Mary with words of flattery, “tells her she’ll have a child” [I mean, he even says the Holy Spirit will “come upon her,” and don’t criticize me for my dirty mind, men considered it a divine mandate to spread their seed based on the early chapters of Genesis, whether they were consciously setting out to do that or not], she is reluctant at first but ultimately accepting of this “news,” and she immediately goes to visit her mysteriously pregnant cousin. Honestly none of this is especially different from the Bible when you remove your rose-colored glasses.)

While Miriam is off with her cousin Elisheba, her father makes the choice he’d already set his mind upon anyway, especially in light of Ebed running off to join the Romans, being disowned, and permanently taking himself out of the game (as it were): she will be pledged to Yosef. Since Ebed is now “dead,” maybe he can use his word -- the final word -- to persuade Miriam that her marriage fulfills the Law, and her children with Yosef will be Ebed’s. It’s technically not true in the least, but men thank God in prayer every morning that they were not born women and a common saying is that the Law should sooner be burnt than placed in female hands, so she won’t know the difference anyway, and if she shoots her mouth off, no one will pay it any mind, as she’s a woman.

As for Yosef’s feelings on the subject, arranged betrothals are just the way things are done. He knows his brother loved Miriam, and he feels bad, but honoring him by marrying her is what tradition dictates. He’s getting older (at least by that day’s standards), he’s been around the block once; even if he never truly loves this woman, at least there will be someone to come home to.

Word arrives at Elisheba’s: “You are betrothed to Yosef. Get back here. It’s been three months.” Now, what does Miriam do in that situation? Deciding never to return wouldn’t just disgrace her; it would put Yosef in the middle of things and leave a black mark on his reputation. Whatever she feels about him, she knows he doesn’t deserve that. So naturally, with no other choice, she goes home.

Imagine Yosef’s reaction when she turns out to be with child (from, y’know, a “servant of God,” which tradition may later call the Holy Spirit to obscure things), and throws herself on his mercy. I’d say what the Gospel of Matthew (1:18-19) says happened next wouldn’t be exactly inaccurate: “His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant [...] Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace...”

Morally torn, Yosef thinks to himself, “The Law calls for her to be stoned, but I’ve already lost one wife to Sheol. If all men call me cursed, that could hurt my chances if I ever put myself on the line for betrothal again. I could break the engagement quietly, but if I didn’t marry her, people would speculate. She might bear shame and disgrace anyway. This isn’t worth the mishegas, for either of us.”

And the angel in him, if you will, won out. Maybe he’d never be what Ebed was to her; maybe he could never ask her to love him. But the child would need a father, and she would need someone to care for her, even if only to cover her shame. Who knows? It could be a blessing in disguise.

In Miriam’s shoes, I’d be grateful. Maybe even have at least four other kids with him down the line (see Mark 6:3).

It’s all just speculation, but what if...?

Random questions about your muse

Copy and paste. Do not reblog.

1. Do they believe in true love?

Shinji believes he and Asuka would probably have fallen in love under different circumstances, but doesn’t believe in the kind of fated love that Kaworu believed in. 

2. Do they believe that their life has meaning?

Shinji doesn’t think in terms of that. He’s an Evangelion Pilot, that’s a big part of his identity, but it’s not like he feels he was born to kill angels, or protect humanity. It’s just the life he’s chosen. 

3. What first impression do they give when they first meet someone?

Shinji has cold eyes, and is generally devoid of much feeling, so someone’s first impression is a cold kid with a bad attitude. Hearing him speak in his usual apathetic tone reenforces that. 

4. Do they believe in heaven/hell?

Shinji is an atheist, he doesn’t believe in any afterlife. 

5. Five things that irritate them?

Shinji doesn’t like when people compare him to his father, when people bully Ayanami, when people call Asuka a bitch, when people talk about Kaworu as if he was only an angel, and when people assume he’s been spoiled somehow by being the son of a wealthy scientist. 

6. First kiss?

Shinji’s first kiss was of course with Asuka on the anniversary of his mother’s death. It was a truly memorable occasion especially since it was still several months before they confessed their feelings. 

7. What do they find funny that others usually don’t?

Shinji sometimes get’s amused by Asuka’s use of her ‘good child’ persona, he personally thinks she’s much cuter as she really is. 

8. Biggest regret?

Shinji will never forgive himself for killing Kaworu. Even if there was no other option he’ll always regret it. 

9. Three words that best describe them?

Quiet, Loyal, Underdog 

10. Their most attractive feature?

Shinji is strangely very good at listening to people. 

11. The feature that they find most attractive?

Shinji is generally attracted to anyone to engages with him, but his favorite thing about Asuka is her confidence. 

12. Favorite song lyric?

Shinji pretty much only listens to instrumental music, either orchestral or jazz. 

13. Best advice they’ve ever received?

“Find your own reason to pilot the eva, don’t just do it because your told to.” 

14. Worst advice they’ve ever received?

“You should be more like your mother.”

15. What makes them cry?

Shinji doesn’t really cry that often, but will break down sometimes if someone shows him genuine kindness. 

16. Hardest decision they ever had to make?

To remain an Evangelion Pilot, despite all the pain he’d experienced as a result of remaining a pilot.  In the end he’d rather feel pain and joy as a pilot than go back to feeling nothing as a normal kid. 

17. What makes them fond of someone?

If someone listens to him, and takes the time to talk to him. 

18. Do they believe in forgiveness?

Certainly, Shinji can forgive others easily enough, but has a hard time forgiving himself for things. 

19. Biggest turn on?

Confidence 

20. Biggest turn off?

People who joke around too much. 

21. Any fetishes/kinks?

Not telling. 

22. Do they have a perception of god?

Shinji has a hard time imaging what a god would be like he’s been told that Unit 1 is a god in it’s own right and has been raised by an atheist. 

23. A memory from their childhood that shaped them?

There was a moment, when his aunt and uncle figured Shinji was a lost cause and it started to show on their faces. 

24. Birthday and zodiac sign?

June 16th - gemini 

25. Do they agree with said zodiac sign?

Shinji doesn’t believe in astrology and really thinks it’s pretty lame. 

26. What is one thing that they wish they could change about themselves?

Shinji wants to be a better person more than anything, but most of all he wishes he was a good friend to the people he’s friends with. 

27. A dream that they have never told anyone?

Shinji regularly has dreams where ‘Unit 1′ talks to him. He figures he should keep that quiet, 

28. Do they believe in fate?

Shinji thinks fate is a pretty stupid concept, since it urges people to give up. 

29. Favorite season?

Shinji is from a world where the only season is summer. 

30. Five favorite singers/bands/performers?

Shinji will listen to pretty much anyone whose good with a piano, violin or flute. 

1. Do they believe in true love?

Asuka believes that she and Shinji are ‘natural partners’ but wouldn’t go so far as to say fated lovers or anything like that. 

2. Do they believe that their life has meaning?

Asuka’s goal in life is to be the best evangelion pilot of her generation and then to grow up and be a scientist worthy or her mother’s name. 

3. What first impression do they give when they first meet someone?

Asuka at first glance seems elegant and a little spoiled, what you’d expect out of a rich foreign girl living in japan. 

4. Do they believe in heaven/hell?

Asuka is an atheist, and doesn’t believe in any afterlife.

5. Five things that irritate them?

Asuka doesn’t like people who ask dumb questions, people who put down Shinji, people who think she’s spoiled, people who are overly religious or people who question her ability as a pilot. 

6. First kiss?

Asuka’s first kiss was with Shinji, it was pretty much on a whim, but she was pretty desperate at the time to try and make Shinji confess. 

7. What do they find funny that others usually don’t?

Asuka being fluent in both languages sometimes finds bad translations from English to Japanese or Japanese to English funny. 

8. Biggest regret?

Asuka regrets how she treated her step sister growing up, knowing how hard home life was on both of them. 

9. Three words that best describe them?

Cocky, Talented, Playful 

10. Their most attractive feature?

Asuka is very athletic. 

11. The feature that they find most attractive?

Asuka finds people who are thoughtful attractive. 

12. Favorite song lyric?

Not telling as it might ruin her image. 

13. Best advice they’ve ever received?

“You should try and remain a kid while you still can.”

14. Worst advice they’ve ever received?

“you’re too smart to get involved with others that closely.”

15. What makes them cry?

Asuka will sometimes breakdown if she thinks too long about her mother. 

16. Hardest decision they ever had to make?

To actually start thinking about Misato and Shinji as her family instead of just being blindly loyal to her mother. 

17. What makes them fond of someone?

If someone doesn’t treat her like she’s stupid because she’s young. 

18. Do they believe in forgiveness?

Yes she does. 

19. Biggest turn on?

Intelligence. 

20. Biggest turn off?

Immature people. 

21. Any fetishes/kinks?

Not telling.

22. Do they have a perception of god?

No, Asuka pretty much only believes in what science says is provable. 

23. A memory from their childhood that shaped them?

Being told by her mother to outdo her step sister at all costs. 

24. Birthday and zodiac sign?

December 7th - Sagittarius 

25. Do they agree with said zodiac sign?

Asuka doesn’t know anything really about astrology. 

26. What is one thing that they wish they could change about themselves?

Asuka wishes she wasn’t as emotionally clingy as she is in reality. 

27. A dream that they have never told anyone?

Asuka will occasionally dream about being back in Germany, but she hates getting homesick.  

28. Do they believe in fate?

Asuka thinks fate is s totally unscientific concept. 

29. Favorite season?

Asuka comes from a world where the only season is summer. 

30. Five favorite singers/bands/performers?

Asuka will listen to most European electronic music. 

tagged by @automaton-otto​

tagging: @ingrid-matoi​ @supercoloursupervision​ @ayanamimon​ @dragonriddingdaughter​ @traitor-angel-16-5​ and whoever else wants to have a go at it. It might be long but it’s fun.  

Unorganised thoughts on Trails From Zero:

So I had to experience this one via Let’s Play (shout-out to TheTwitGamer over on YouTube) due to computer limitations, which made the experience a little different. But not worse, because Zero is very, very good

I learnt that I have been pronouncing a lot of things wrong (most egregiously, I’d been saying Liberl as ‘liberal’ and Aidios as ‘eye-dios’)

Oh, also shout-out to GeoFront for their excellent patch work

I’ve also been playing Cold Steel 1 at the same time (nearly at the end), which has affected my views on a few things

First thing I’ve got to say is that I think Crossbell has the best art style I’ve seen from the series so far. I don’t dislike Sky’s, but it’s a little unpolished, and meanwhile Cold Steel is maybe too polished, to a point that it looks kind of generic. Crossbell and its characters have a really distinct, stylish look, and I love it. I actually prefer Renne in this style

(the exception is Joshua. What did they do to his eyes!?!?!)

So, overall plot - very good, well paced, picks up nicely from Sky while also introducing new elements. I cannot believe it got darker than Star Door 15

Like during that whole scene where Joachim is explaining all of the truly, truly evil things the cult did, I was just sitting there silently screaming ‘REMEMBER WHEN THIS SERIES WAS ABOUT A COUPLE OF TEENAGERS EXPLORING THE SEWERS UNDER THEIR HOMETOWN AND ESTELLE’S BIGGEST WORRY WAS HAVING TO TAKE A WRITTEN EXAM CAN WE GO BACK TO THAT PLEASE’

Am excited by all these mysterious bells in Crossbell. Can’t wait to find out what that’s all about

Never trust a mayor’s secretary or an eccentric professor is what I’m learning from this series

Now the characters! The main thing I really care about in any story!

So overall I think having a close knit group of four at the centre was a smart choice because it meant I really came to care for all of them in a way I sort of haven’t with all of Class VII so far

Lloyd: I like Lloyd. I wasn’t sure I would at first, he seemed a little generic, but the thing that swung it was the scene after he talks with Elie on the roof. The others start teasing them about being a thing and this stupid, stupid man starts going into Full Denial Mode, and he’s just such a moron in that scene. I found it extremely funny and now I love him (honestly, all a man really needs to do to get me to like him is be an idiot)

There’s also that scene later where the man has his hand on Elie’s cheek, they get interrupted, and then when she suggests they continue this later he has the AUDACITY to not know what she means. My LPer and I were equally exasperated at his sheer density. I love it

Elie: Elie might actually be favourite non-Estelle girl in this series so far. She’s well designed, smart, makes a good Team Mum... she’s Katara. She’s Katara from ATLA. Which I recently rewatched. Oh my god

Oh I really liked that her parents are divorced and not dead. Makes a nice change from all the other dead relatives in this series

And yes I think she and Lloyd are cute haha

Randy: Easily my least favourite of the four, but I like him well enough. I think it was a good thing that I was far enough ahead in Cold Steel to know about Red Constellation, it made that reveal more impactful. I’m looking forward to learning more about him. I like how he nicknames people, also

Tio: Might be my other favourite non-Estelle girl. Heartbreaking backstory, gets some really funny lines, her relationship with Jona was great - Tio’s just awesome

KeA: Adorable and loveable. Suspiciously adorable and loveable... Very excited to learn more about her origins

Noel: Don’t think I know enough about her yet, but I like her so far, she’s cool. So’s her sister, I loved the sidequest with Anton. The sound effects in that one, PEAK comedy

Dudley: He reminds me of Miles Edgeworth, one of my favourite characters in anything ever, so of course I like him

Arios: Again, don’t think I know enough to say...

Wazy: Oh, man, like I have a huge bias for long-haired pretty boys but I instantly loved Wazy. So excited for more of him :D 

Renne: So glad we got to see her story finally get a happy ending. She deserves it. And man she is just such a good Mysterious Character

I forgot to mention this before, but I think it’s hilarious that she has three PhDs. Who gave them to her!?

Estelle and Joshua: So of course I love them and was very happy to see them again... but also maybe they shouldn’t have been here? They ended up feeling a little superfluous to me, ngl, kinda like Falcom weren’t confident people would play the games with a whole new cast if they weren’t around. Was really fun to see them from an outsiders perspective, though

Joachim: So, I’d been thinking for ages now how interesting Aidios is. In most JRPGs you get to meet and/or fight God at some point, so it’s very, very clear that they exist. But since as early as FC I’ve kind of been wondering... is Aidios real? In universe. Like, the way we see worship work, it isn’t a Fire Emblem thing where God is right there and you can chat with her - instead, it’s very similar to our world. And from there, what I’ve been thinking is ‘it would be really cool to see an Aidios atheist’

‘Ai-theist’?

So this was very exciting for me. I would also now like to see an ai-theist who is not an evil, evil monster, but I’m pretty happy as is 

Oh, yeah, Joachim is obviously a horrible person, good villain

It kills me that they were all ‘oh no, he died, I wish we could have saved him’ at the end. Guys. The man set up multiple child torture facilities. You weren’t going to be able to Zuko him. This is for the best

What else

Crossbell City is a very cool location, big fan

I am now spoiled on the following - something about timelines, resetting and divergence, the grass comes back and is linked to septium veins, something Bad happens to Olivier (NO), and something Very Bad happens to Crossbell (but like, I knew that, because they keep mentioning how precarious their situation is and I have basic literary comprehension skills)

I hope Ziet is more relevant in Azure 

More of Wazy and Wald’s weird friendship please (are they a ship? they kind of feel like they would be, at least in Zero. Rhetorical question, btw)

I hope we see Rixia again, I liked her and her deal, I think I’m also spoiled on Yin returning in Cold Steel in some capacity? Exciting

Yeah this was a really, really good game, and I hope it gets an official release one day (honestly, whoever’s doing Falcom localisation these days - buy Geofront’s work. It’s damn good)

Super hyped for Azure and to keep playing Cold Steel!! 

No but seriously what did they do to Joshua 

Like, this is after he stops being dead inside, right? Either way, I’m never sleeping again

A musketeers rewatch (that nobody asked for) 1x07

Here we go, my least favorite episode of the whole show excluding season three which I didn’t watch! If you have even a passing fondness for Ninon, I suggest you look away :)

We start with a royal procession through the crowd and there are quite a lot of waving people there. If they can fill the streets with extras for scenes like that, why can those same extras not be used for the court scenes?

Priest whose name I have forgotten is being robbed. The musketeers rush in to help. 

Meanwhile, a crazy girl tries to get close to the queen and ends up being ran over by her carriage. If this is meant to be some Emily Davison analogy, it sucks!

The dead lunatic’s name is Therese and she wanted to give the Queen a note. Constance takes it and says “Fleur, what does this mean?” Am I supposed to take from that that she cannot read for herself? Cause a merchant’s wife definitely, definitely would know how to do that. 

Fleur is nowhere to be seen, however.

“This is an age of glorious discovery!” says Ninon. “Galileo observes the moons of Jupiter... But what is the role of women in this age of wonder?” - well, gee, i don’t know Ninon. Maybe you could have mentioned some female scientists of the era in addition to Galileo? Catherine de Parthenay, anyone? Or Marie Fouquet? Hell, Ninon de l'Enclos, my atheist queen, for whom this Ninon is doubtless named, was a notable woman in her own right! But no, we have to make women look more oppressed than they actually were to make this waste of space look more awesome. 

“My women of Paris, seek your own enlightenment!” - wrong era!

Therese, an orphan from a humble background, wanted to hand a petition to the queen about women’s education.  

“If she was an illiterate orphan she could not have written this. It is misguided but not unintelligent.” - says Richelieu. And indeed he turns out to be right. She didn’t write it. Which is fucking bizarre. 

Anne asks him if he doesn’t favor women’s education and he replies: “I admire learning wherever it is to be found, but this amounts to an attack on the authority of church and state.” Any French history buff know what the actual Richelieu’s thought of women’s education? @tatzelwyrm​? I’m gonna start a biography on him soon, but not until I’m done with this rewatch.

Ninon barges in past the guards and yells “stay out of my way, I will address the King!”. I’m sure this is meant to make her look badass, but she just comes across like a complete idiot who doesn’t understand that she would do better to follow court protocol, no matter how much she might dislike it, if she wants to achieve her goals.    

Luckily for her she’s pretty, so the king doesn’t mind.

“I want to know why this tragedy happened. If your guards are to blame I want them punished.” And then she gives Treville a dirty look! How dare you, you waste of skin and oxygen! Don’t you dare blame Treville for this mess! 

“You knew this lunatic?” - lmao, Richelieu!

Therese was the daughter of Ninon’s servant whom Ninon decided to educate. So she was educated, she COULD have written the petition herself. But she did not. Because when Richelieu says “she wrote this and was killed trying to give it to the Queen” Ninon screeches: “Don’t be ridiculous! She didn’t write it, I did!” And I mean, who exactly is looking down on servant girls here and saying it’s ridiculous to expect them to write something intelligent. It’s not Richelieu. 

But more importantly, WHY?? If Ninon wrote it, why couldn’t she hand it to the Queen? Why did this poor girl have to die? This is so, so stupid! I mean, okay, maybe Therese heard Ninon speak well of the queen and got the idea to hand her the petition on her own, without being told by Ninon to do so. But why did she have it in the first place, if it’s Ninon’s petition?

“Apparently the Comtesse de Laroque believes herself above the normal laws and conventions of society.” ´- well that’s an understatement.  

“The treasury is bankrupt and the country needs a new navy. Ninon has the wealth to provide it.” And that is why Richelieu sends Milady into the salon to find something to use against her. These two are so good in this, I love their scenes together! Pity about the rest of the episode. 

Richelieu is now freaking out about lesbians and Milady is just like “really, dude? really?”. I love her!

“Ninon must pay up or face destruction, I want every last penny from her!” - so it was not his intention to kill her, just to get the money. Interesting.

Fleur’s father is Bonacieux’s cousin. I love that, the commoners having family connections and support circles of their own.

The robbed priest is called Luca! Richelieu is “delighted to see him”, apparently, cause they’re old friends. And Louis isn’t, because he wrote a pamphlet arguing that Kings should bow down to the Pope’s authority. 

“We can’t have a comtesse abducting young women and spiriting them away to her boudoir!” - Oh, Richelieu! Do calm down.

It’s odd watching Richelieu try to use homosexuality to take Ninon down while shipping Trevilieu thou. 

Athos barges into Ninon’s salon, demanding to know where Fleur is and Milady very discreetly hides behind a pillar. Lol! 

And Ninon starts hitting on Athos immediately. She tells him that she’s often thought he’s handsome but the “melancholy aspect” to his looks is “probably only mental vacancy”. Who taught you how to flirt? Why must you be so abrasive and confrontational all the time? Like really, I get she’s meant to be a Strong Woman Who Don’t Take No Shit TM, but she just comes across like a loudmouth. 

Athos likes it thou!

“Forgive our intrusion-” “I will not forgive it!” - Jesus Ninon, it’s just a figure of speech, a polite gesture. People use these in conversation sometimes. She’s so unnecessarily rude smh.

Aramis says he “gladly acknowledges the superiority of the female sex” and I throw up in my mouth a little. That’s not feminism, that’s slimy!

D’artagnan: “If that wasn’t flirting, I don’t know what is.”  Porthos: “Rubbish! She can’t stand him.”  Aramis: “One day I’ll sit down and explain women to you.” - cause we’re all the same and no means yes, right writers?

Luca: “His holiness is concerned about the direction of French foreign policy.” Richelieu: “Well the pope is Spain’s performing monkey.” - he really is so funny! I know I keep saying that, but he is!

Also, YAY politics! Intelligent dialogue! I love this scene so much!

“In matters of religion I defer to Rome, in all else I am my country’s servant” - lol, Richelieu inventing the separation of church and state

Luca: “Is this your final word on the subject?” Richelieu: “It is.” - and that right there is where Luca decides to kill him. The actor plays it really well, knowing it’s coming I can see the briefest moment of regret in his eyes, but without hindsight I wouldn’t notice anything. And he gives Richelieu the poisoned gift. 

Also, isn't it the same guy who plays Margaret’s new man in Harlots? 

Athos says that Therese and Fleur were so far below Ninon in status that they were not in a position to make choices of their own free will. Which is fuckign stupid. But Ninon saying that she views all women as equal regardless of their birth is equally moronic. I mean, sure, they should be, but in reality they’re not and ignoring that doesn’t help anyone. And Athos does point out that Ninon’s money and position gives her certain privileges, but it sits wrong coming from him and not from Porthos or Milady or Constance, who are from poor/less wealthy backgrounds. That said, this is still one of the few semi intelligent scenes in this whole episode, so whatever. At least someone said it. 

Now she kisses him and invites him to dine! And he just looks sad.

Luca tells Richelieu to “deal with” Ninon “firmly”, cause the Pope is dying and Richelieu could be the next Pope if he shows himself a strong defender of the church against “heresy”. What heresy thou? Women learning to read? Lol, that’s so cartoonishly evil and ahistorical, but whatever. This at least explains where Richelieu’s desire to have her burned came from.

Richelieu: “I wouldn’t go so far as to call her a heretic.” Luca: “A woman who openly defies God's laws, what other word is there?” - what laws thou? what has she done, other than hold some salon meetings, as every other noblewoman was doing at the time?

Richelieu promises to consider his options and Luca tells him to pray to the poisoned bone for guidance, lol.

This right here is Richelieu letting personal feelings cloud his judgement, thou! Which he said he has learned no to do. But he allows himself to be carried away with visions of becoming Pope and honestly I don’t see how he can possibly believe that could happen with his foreign policy and how hated he is by the Vatican, as stated in this very scene.  

Milady and Ninon! I love that scene! Ninon clearly thinks she’s super special because she “takes the initiative” by kissing men instead of waiting to be kissed. She’s so damn smug about it! And Milady is just like “oh I could never be so bold” and I swear I can hear her laughing internally! 

And she very cleverly charms Fleur’s location out of Ninon!

Athos’s idea of a first date is the morgue. Charming.

Athos saying that Ninon is responsible for what happened to Therese because she gave a lowborn girl an education doesn’t sit well with me. Classist ass! But she is responsible for not thinking of Therese beyond how daring and adventurous and fun and positively scandalous it would be to educate a servant girl and then not bothering to care for her when she got bored. Cause if she had done, Therese could have come to her with her plan and she could have prevented her death. Because yes, regardless of her education, her background predisposed Therese to be naive about the King and Queen and how petitions work. Where was Ninon in all this, when a girl under her charge decided to do this foolish thing that cost her her life? Because if you want to be someone’s teacher you do have a duty of care. In short, Ninon is a classist ass as well! They’re perfect for each other!

So Luca’s stolen bag is in the morgue with the body of the thief who stole it. And Athos promises to send for it in the morning. I know it’s CSI: Musketeers and all, but why was it not delivered to Luca the moment it was found, lol? He’s a pretty important guest at the palace and it’s his property. 

Athos agrees with Ninon that marriage is a curse. LOL!

Ninon’s reason for not marrying is that she does not want a husband to own her wealth and body. Makes sense and that’s why many independently wealthy women chose to stay unmarried. Just pointing out the few things that make sense.

“You are a rebellious woman” - oh good, we managed to squeeze the title of the episode into the dialogue! 

Aramis just tossed a red guard out of Ninon’s house. Can’t tell if he’s dead or not, but certainly unconscious. 

There’s fighting. The red guards have swords, the musketeers have books. Athos screams “where is your authority for this!?!” - well, the Cardinal, I’d assume, since they are his guards. Oh bear of very little brain!

Fleur and some other runaway girls are found sleeping in a secret chamber and Ninon is arrested for abducting them.

Athos is all like “you said she wasn’t here” and Ninon tries to explain that Fleur did not want to be found and begs “make them stop” to which Athos replies “sorry, I can’t”, his voice and face making it very clear that he doesn’t want to. Because a woman lied to him! This is the worst crime! Really Ninon is lucky she’s being arrested right now, otherwise she’d end up swinging from a tree.

“Four young women! In their nightwear! I can only speculate as to the horrors they have endured!” - Richelieu really has a bee in his bonnet about lesbians. The days before p*rnhub must have been hard for a catholic cardinal. 

Luca is even worse thou! “Your majesty is joking but Satan is real! And his female familiars are everywhere amongst us.” Jesus christ guys, calm down! Have a wank or something!

“She had the girls, she lied, she brought her fate on herself.” - Oh shut up Athos! Not everything is about you and your relationship issues! As Aramis points out. Thank you, Aramis! And I never believed I’d ever say that.

Ninon/Aramis  > > > > > > > > > > Ninon/Athos

Aramis gives Ninon the cross Anne gave him. This is quite sweet!

“It’s not so easy when you don’t have money” Constance says and she is right. But it’s like the show is saying that the only way women can be independant is if they are independently wealthy like Ninon. But that’s not really true, Fleur could get a job such as a seamstress or pharmacist or grain merchant or actress or even as a secretary now that she knows latin and greek thanks to Ninon. Women did have jobs in 17th century France and even belonged to guilds etc. Not saying that Fleur would not be more financially secure still with a husband, but if she really doesn’t want that she has options and I don’t like how this supposed “feminist” episode constantly erases women’s actual history. 

Fleur’s father rages “what does she need an education for? She’ll be a seamstress until she’s married and then she’ll be a dutiful wife and mother.” But if he is Bonacieux’s cousin then they are in the same social class, that is to say, the merchant class. And merchant women had to keep their husbands’ shops when their husbands were away. They needed to know how to read and write and do sums. They needed this to be an attractive marriage prospect to a husband of their own social class! 

And the father wants to hit Fleur and D’artagnan all heroically threatens him. How boring!

Richelieu: “Many of our young women are educated. It’s not something we’re ashamed of.” Fleur: “Not just embroidery and sewing.”  Me: “WELL OF COURSE NOT!!!”

Then Fleur says Ninon taught them the “secrets of our bodies” and Richelieu is a hound on the scent!

“Be quiet or you’ll be gagged!” - Again Armand, this is neither the time nor the place to indulge your kinks. 

ENTER MILADY! 

She does such a brilliant job of her testimony! This is again her lying about rape and I talked about before why that is bad, but in this case I don’t mind cause it’s for state reasons and doesn’t in any way invalidate her own story the way the thing with D’artagnan does.

Athos completely LOSES HIS SHIT!! Not doing the defence any good there, buddy!

The look she gives him as she walks out is priceless!

Queen Anne to the rescue, bringing clemency from Louis! Clever girl, must have manipulated it out of him! Season 1 Anne was intelligent.

And Ninon ruins it by saying: “I have never consorted with the devil until this moment. I am looking at him.” To which Richelieu replies: “Condemned from her own mouth.” As any person with half a brain would. Jesus christ Ninon, you should have been gagged! For your own safety! 

And then Richelieu stops breathing! And we get Treville’s reaction to it, thank you camera people! Thou Treville mostly just looks confused, like “what is that drama queen doing now?” 

Now he’s twitching! And I’m sorry but it looks hilarious.

Aramis carries him to bed on his back and puts a hand over his mouth. I’m not sure that helps with the breathing issues... 

Louis pushes Aramis out of the way and cries “please don’t die! please don’t die!” aawwwwwwwwwww!

Aramis really saves his life here, huh.

Anne is briefly jealous about the cross and asks Aramis if Ninon is his lover. Lol! She never expected him to stalk her for the rest of her life, she fully expected him to keep lovers.  

Luca: “Satan turned his blood to acid at her command!” Porthos: “We’ll add Satan to the list of suspects.”

Fleur: “You think I poisoned him?” Constance: “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard even by musketeer standards.” - THANK YOU CONSTANCE!

Fleur is to be married to a 40 year old butcher. Poor girl!

“Was it you?” - LOL!

“Half the doctors say you’re doomed, the other half claim you’ll make a full recovery. There’s a lot of professional pride at stake.” - Milady is very funny too! But I’ve always known that! 

“Whatever happens to me, I want you to extract this confession from Ninon.” - translation: it doesn’t matter if I die, the main thing is that France gets that navy. For France, always. I’m amazed by how much he trusts Milady here thou.

Milady thinks the kneebone of St. Anthony is gross and “as much use as the doctors”. Bless her!

Constance very sweetly talks Fleur’s father out of forcing her to marry. Go Constance!

Ninon: “There is nothing worse than a woman who betrays her own sex” Milady: “I can think of a few things, but let’s not argue.” - THIS!! This is my favorite part of this whole miserable episode, because yes, with her background she can think of things Ninon couldn’t possibly imagine. It’s also a fuck you to that “don’t encourage girl on girl hate” line terfs and white feminists always hide behind when they get called out on their bullshit, though this wasn’t the point here. I love how she doesn’t even explain, too. Let’s not argue, cause what’s the point. You’ll never get it.

I do want to stress that Ninon is not wrong for educating other women and she has been unjustly condemned (althou I would argue that she might not have drawn Richelieu’s ire if she went about it in a more subtle, less smug way, for the safety of the girls she teaches if not for her own). But Milady is employed by the First Minister of France and is doing her job here, a job which she depends upon for her own independence and safety. As she says, Ninon didn’t do anything to her, she’s just a victim of circumstance. 

“If you don’t confess, the women of your salon will burn in your place. Surely you wish to save the lives of your accomplices in Satan?” - Milady does a good job of selling it, but if you think about it, that makes no sense. These women have already been publicly proclaimed Ninon’s victims. And if they have legal trouble with burning her alone, how would they manage a whole bunch of them, most of whom are also high ranking noblewomen?

Ninon falls for it thou. Fail!

Richelieu orders Ninon burned and Milady says that the Queen and King won’t like it. Richelieu replies that: “she’s irrelevant and a new navy will soothe his dismay.” He’s really underestimating season 1 Anne here. But season 2 will prove him right, sadly.

“The kingdom of heaven is a dream. Our only life is here.” - Go Milady!

Richelieu says he won’t burn her for heresy but to be careful cause “one day someone else might” and idk, but it comes across like pretty friendly advice, considering what he’s currently doing with Ninon. 

Now he worries he might go to hell! And Milady says he’s already there, lmaoo! I LOVE THIS SCENE!!

They go to the morgue to retrieve Luca’s bag and discover that the thief was poisoned in the same manner as the Cardinal. Thus the plot is uncovered.

“Open his mouth!” “You open his mouth!”

Luca kills a red guard and is about to kill Richelieu (who fights him with a fork!) when the musketeers burst in. And Richelieu curses them for being late!

Richelieu had apparently worked out that it was Luca who was trying to kill him at some point during the night. No idea how. 

Athos begs for Ninon’s life while the pire is already burning. And Richelieu agrees cause burning her is all very “dark ages”, like he said to begin with. He says he’s not a cruel man, just a practical one. But practicality sometimes requires cruelty. He’s not a sadist thou, that’s what he meant and that’s true. 

Athos drags Ninon off the burning pire. So the great feminist character got duped by Milady and then had to be rescued by her love interest. So good, much feminist. 

“As far as the world is concerned, Comtesse Ninon de Laroque died on that pire today.” Richelieu takes her lands, her property and her money and sends her into exile. Then he threatens to execute her if she ever tells anyone the truth of what happened.

“My voice will never be silenced, but I promise you will never hear it.” - the stupidest line of the whole episode and that’s saying something. Seriously, what does this mean? Your voice was silenced! Richelieu got your wealth which you could have used to educate more women. You were completely defeated. Like really, who is the idiot who wrote this? And what made them think this is in any way empowering or even just a satisfactory conclusion to Ninon’s acr?? Ughhhh!!

I do love Richelieu and Milady getting a rare victory thou! 

“Nothing, no person, no nation, no god will stand in my way.” - HOT!

Aramis gets his cross back lol. Otherwise it would have burned. 

Lmao, Richelieu sends Luca’s ashes to rome with a threat to the Pope.

And Capaldi pronounces “Richelieu” in a very strange way. 

Milady: “You do realise you’ll never be Pope?” Richelieu: “It’s an Italian club and largely a clerical position. I prefer something with a little more influence.” - L! O! L!

Ninon plans to open a school for poor girls and be a teacher. Well, idk, I hope she does a better job of it than she did with Therese.

Athos asks Ninon if “Madame de la Chapelle” ever told her anything about herself. And Ninon is like “so you did know her after all?” and he says “in another life” and she warns him to be careful because she has the cardinal’s protection so “a blow against her is a blow against him” and idk, does she realize that Milady was Athos’s wife here? Is that how I’m supposed to read it? He did tell her before that he used to be married.

Then she kisses him and tells him she could have loved a man like him. And she’s just way more into him than he is into her.

Lmaooo, Fleur is not forced to marry and can continue with her education and she’s “sure” that the woman who convinced her father was Ninon. And Constance doesn’t correct her and doesn’t even want the credit, but I’m mad lol, as if Ninon even remembers you exist Fleur!

D’artagnan gives Constance the credit, at least! And then comes his declaration of love, which is actually very sweet and I really liked them together in season 1! Constance is so beautiful in this scene too! It’s very well lit and she’s wearing that lovely dress!

Aaaaand we fade to black on some PG13 kissing and groping! Sorry, this was very long, but there was a lot to complain about.

In conclusion, awful! Like, the thing that bothers me the most is that this token girl power episode would not even have been radical in 1970, never mind today. The message is simply that women should have an education, which no sane person today would disagree with. It’s very safe and bland. And erases women’s real history in the process. It’s almost as if these male writers are congratulating themselves “weren’t things ever so bad Back Then, we are so much more progressive now”, instead of doing the truly radical thing and showing women’s real history, showing women in positions of power running their literary salons and not getting burned for it, showing women as independent businesswomen with an education! Why not give Bonacieux a female rival in the cloth business? Why not go deeper than “women are human beings” and give the episode a truly radical message that still resonates today. After all, we might be ever so educated now but it’s not like women have achieved equality. More on that in this old post: https://kuningannasansa.tumblr.com/post/126434697304/the-problem-of-ninon 

Anyway, I really hope the next episode will be better! 

Red Guards killed: 1 or 2, impossible to really tell

Ladies killed: Therese

Best Dressed: Ninon. She did have some pretty dresses. 

The MBTI types as people I know (from an infj perspective)

This is based on the few people I've met in real life with these personality types. I haven't met all types so maybe yours isn't here.

INFP: So quiet. Works as a cashier with me in a grocery store. Says every "hi", "do you need a bag" etc like she has practiced in front of the mirror. Is super afraid to be left out of conversations. Asks "what are you laughing about", "what are you talking about", "what happened" all the time. Seems serious, but it's probably because she takes her role as a cashier pretty seriously, because it has to be perfect. Would hate herself if a customer was mean to her, but wouldn't tell anyone. Often says "I don't know" and is never mean. Instantly smiles when I smile. Likes to build on my weird thoughts, but it's hard to read her actual opinion on things.

ESTP: Leader of a youth organization for atheists. Loves ranting about politics. Has a strong opinion on every matter, but has no opinion when it comes to taking peoples feelings into conversation, other than what he knows is morally correct and practical. Accidentally uses master suppression techniques to win arguments. Regrets being to harsh when he accidentally hurt someone, and awkwardly tries to apologize. Has a partner who he listens to before anyone else. Loves emo punk, computer games and discussing existential, social and political issues. Reacted to his personality type by saying "I guess I'm ESTP" *sighs* as if any answer would have been a disapointment. Oftentimes asks the questions we needed to hear, like "so if this is the case, then what are we even discussing here, this is a meaningless conversation, isn't it?". Very practical. Very nice. Wishes everyone well.

ISFP: Friend of enfp. Is obsessed with this one thing, MMA. She sees everyone as competition and wants to prove them wrong. Wants to go against the big and though guys and be respected equally. Pushes people away, then says she didn't initially like them, but instantly takes them into their life again when they take initiative at all. Is a real soft girl, but pretends to be emotionless. Rants about how stupid this one guy she met at the store was. Is very spontaneous. Goes on dates with the most handsome people, because she actually takes initiative and comes off as confident. But analyses people because "what if they don't actually like her". Has a beautiful smile and everyone listens to what she says. Good story teller and manages to get people on board with her opinions quite easily. Comes off as super extroverted, but is really in her own head, likes being alone and secretly seeks intimacy

ESTJ: Person 1, a guy. He talks before thinking. Oftentimes seen as a big jerk and doesn't mind saying things like it is. Is very traditional when it comes to certain things. Doesn't know how to cope with my feelings, and might say "seems like you have a bunch of problems man", instead of saying something that helps. Potentially saying "at least you have this and that" or "people are dying". Listens to ABBA, loves cars and cats. Has never been in a relationship because he is afraid people judge him like he judges people. Will scream at you if he finds you anoying, a hypocrite or stupid. Doesn't care. Wants to care about politics, but hates all the parties. Loves my hugs but won't ever take the initiative for them. Very practical, knows how to fix everything. Could build Ikea furniture without looking at the manual. Asks me for advice he doesn't take. Jumps to conclusions. Beliefs me as if I'm God, and will hand me his phone to answer messages more emphatically if he really likes someone, so that he doesn't come off mean. Likes to annoy me because I react to it, then smiles after and make me smile to. Beautiful smile. Never talks about emotions, but has a lot when I ask him about it. Has no time for bullshit. We actually fit together, despite the stereotype that infj and estj dont have anything in common. I see it as we can learn from each other. Person 2: Has been through a lot of family issues and sick people. Listens to rap and ironically terrible music. Once went up to her boyfriend at work and yelled at him in front of all the customers because life is more exciting that way. Very fashionable, yet comfortable. Is her own mom figure. Does her chores. Will tell you to snap out of it if you're too emotional, which I need sometimes. Mom friend. Sits with the older people.

ENFP: Person 1, my roommate and boyfriend for four years. Has so much positive energy. Laughs away his insecurities. *Smirks, looks to the side, huge hand gestures and body movements without context*. Over explains everything. Everyone considers him a close friend, yet he doesn't concider anyone a close friend because "they don't know the real him, only the fasade". Insists on keeping it that way, because he knows people like that version of him. Wants to be liked by everyone, and thinks "challenge accepted" when someone doesn't instantly like him. Has really bad or dark humor. Listens to super creepy and intense music to feel something. Talks a lot, thinks a lot, knows a lot about things nobody should know about, remembers practical facts, but doesn't remember to lock the door. Oftentimes has to edit what he says as it comes out weird and people take it literally. Gets easily distracted, especially if there's animals nearby. Can't multitask. Loves children. Person 2: Never sleeps, forgets to eat but loves food, has plans every day. Has 689 friends who she actually hangs out with. Laughs constantly. Is not afraid to meet new people and instantly befriends them. Loves music, especially classical and orchestra. Plays the French horn. Very very patient. Colors her hair, cuts it short, cuts it off, grows it out, burns it. Doesn't want to hurt anyone. When she gets mad she gets real mad. Person 3: Makes music. Talks about it's so passionately. Cried when his favorite band died and everyone listened. Didn't talk to girls before he started high school. Very good at imitations. Has a lot of projects and dreams that he actually tries achieving. Talks so much, but only has introverted friends. (I know so many enfps, I'm not gonna write about them all).

ISFJ: My actual mom. Does everyone's chores. When she gets help with the chores, she will do them again "like she likes them done". Everything around her magically gets clean. Will clean your apartment if she visits. Is super patient and let people be mean to her without saying anything. Is loved by everyone, but doesn't believe it. Very good mom, she thinks you should follow your heart, not your brain. Stresses a lot, but laughs and is super happy when we're together. Everyone comes to her with their problems, my mom doesn't respond, but they still feel better after she opens her mouth. Hates making food, but is great at it. Finds everything funny, but is rarely the funny one. Has a lot of controlling people in her life and doesn't want me to experience that. Very skeptical, but still open.

INTJ: Is one year ahead of her age group in her education. Takes on the leading role in every single thing she can, complains about having much to do, but doesn't quit, and still wants more responsibility. Has perfect grades and actually reads the emails she gets. Would probably read terms and conditions to. Is very negative, and doesn't see her reached goals as anything's special, but most people look up to her for those things. Falling in love is a lot of work in her opinion, so she stresses about anyone potentially liking her. Very calm. Likes being alone. Jokes sadly about existence. Has goals. Very perfectionistic and realistic. Wants what's best for people. Very likable. Always on her phone and has streaks with everyone. Everyone falls in love with her and she doesn't understand why.

ENTP: "FIGHT ME". Is the loudest. Has an opinion about everything. Will answer your sayings with "Or DoEs It", "Or WiLl YoU", "BuT wHaT iF i PrOvEd YoU wRoNg newbie girl. Is politically active and and activist. Shitposts on social media. Both accidentally and consciously hits on everyone. Is never single. Has a lot of anxiety and deals with it by socializing. Meets new people every day. Cares about their physical presence and clothing. Isn't afraid of the dark and will probably go out in the middle of the night thinking "if anyone tries to kill me now I would fight them, or, I would die happily tbh". Knows everyone you know. Spills their feelings. Constantly points fingers. Likes new wave. Very physical. Cares about people. Will point out your contradictions.

INTP: Person 1: Has the sexiest voice. Good at imitations. Knows everything about politics both nationally and internationally. Plays video games all day long and is addicted to energy drinks. Has a really bad physical attitude. Laughs of his own jokes. Is really insecure, and self aware. Often regrets saying the mean things he thought. Acts very cold and seems to not like affection, but will hug you and let you sleep in his bed if he loves you. Beautiful smile. Rarely takes initiative, but if he likes you he will do it when he first craves social interactions. Cuts people out of his life like he's a waking pair of scissors. Has blocked me from social media 10 times I think because I mess with his feelings and because as an infj he doesn't understand my idealism. He would be okay with doing the right thing no matter how many people would get hurt by it. We have the exact same humor. Puns puns puns. Very skeptical and has allready decided what he thinks about every single matter. Is very closed minded, and can scare people off by coming off like that. Listens to synth music. Loves Depeche Mode. Could stay indoors all year long. Hates coping with his emotions. Will say "why" if you tell him you like him in a romantic way, and will get uncomfortable about having to deal with it. Wants to get married, but doesn't know how to start. In my opinion, the most attractive type in addition to enfp. There's just something really attractive about this personality, but also dangerous. The only personality I've met who can make me overthink like crazy. Person 2: She knows everything about pop culture. Loves cats. Listens to David Bowie and Cher. Only opens up to me, and that's after I've asked directly about it. Has a lot of emotions, but never shows them. Will make a face if she disagrees, but won't say anything. Loves watching dry humor programs. Loves candy. Has a whole line of generation in sims 4. Loves her family and would live at home by choice forever. Cares about social issues and wants justice. Likes extroverts because she can sit back and relax. Her interactions with other intps are unbearable as it gets so quiet you can hear crickets. Is very likable. Will laugh at all your jokes, of her own, and of her face with an ugly Snapchat filter on them. Hates group chats. Procrastinates every thing.

ENTJ: The only thing I know about her do far is that she does cosplay, makes her own costumes, says things like she couldn't care less what you thought about it, and has a lot of ambitions.

Have Faith

The last time I set foot in a church was not by choice, but because my mom wanted the whole family to attend the Mother’s Day mass. It was May of 2017, and it was the last place I wanted to be. I had to sit through the whole service, bored out of my mind, unable to focus on anything the priest was saying. I tried to appear somewhat sharp for my mother’s sake, but to no avail. I can’t remember exactly when I decided to drop my affiliation with Catholicism, but it has been awhile since I had much faith in the Man Upstairs.

I sincerely believe that my loss of faith has something to do with the fact that my elementary and middle school education was in a private, Catholic institution. Maybe it was the teachers, or maybe it was my classmates that spoiled it for me, but upon reaching the eighth grade, I started to question basically everything that I had previously believed in under the Catholic faith. I clearly remember one day in late February of  2014 where I had my own little epiphany about my faith, or rather my lack of it. I was walking home from school. It was a particularly warm day in February- at least, as warm as it can be during late winter in Michigan. The sun was shining brightly, and the rays were bouncing off the dripping snow mounds that bordered the pavement. I was at the age of developing my own opinionated and rebellious thoughts, so naturally I was lost in my own mind as I dragged my snowboots across the icy ground. I began to wonder about a lot of things. What makes the snow so white? How does snow collect in such a way? Why is it that the sun rays don’t melt the snow faster? What is the sun? What’s up with our solar system anyway? All these questions, of course, could be answered easily with “God made it so”, but that was not good enough for me.

When I mentioned my questions to my parents at the dinner table, they gave me the expected answer. “Well, because that’s how God wants it. He wants the snow to look like that, so it just does.” This made me even more confused and frustrated. Obviously it could be explained with science, so why did they insist on this deity instead? I tried not to delve into this too much, and focus on what really mattered: my confirmation ceremony. At least, I thought it mattered. I was wrong about that too, but more about that later.

I remember a time when I thought that dropping your religion was something shocking, even scandalous. When, back in my elementary days, my best friend told me that her brother didn’t go to church anymore, I was shocked (and secretly intrigued). I suppose that even then, I felt that “church” was a boring place where I wasted my time. I never paid much attention anyways, no matter how stern the nuns were, no matter how funny the homilies were, no matter how many bathroom breaks I got.

I think it was sometime around my junior year of high school when I completely dropped religion as a part of my life. At 16 years old, I was very sure of this; it was a world “with which I no longer wanted to have anything to do,” as Hermann Hesse stated in Demian. Before this, though, religion was something obligatory for me. What I mean to say is that after my confirmation ceremony, I really did not feel the sense of community that one should apparently be feeling when you get that blessing from the Bishop. In the Catholic religion, the confirmation ceremony is the final step for a child before they become an “adult” in the community, similar to a Jewish bar and bat mitzvah. But I felt no different leaving the church than I did walking in. So much for faith, right?

Something else that I have come to realize is that I never felt that religion was a big part of my life. I had a subconscious set of rules that I followed, which had formed based on my exposure to Catholicism for my entire life, but that’s where the line is drawn. As I mentioned earlier, I never had that special feeling of being “fully integrated into the community” when I got confirmed. I never had that special epiphany. My soul (whatever that is) was neither touched by nor filled with the Holy Spirit. I think that that point in my life was when I really doubted all the things that were being told to me by my teachers, my family members, and the priests.

Going to a public high school really turned my life towards the better. I didn't have to go to religion class. I wasn't tested on how well I knew the 10 Commandments. I didn’t have to memorize the Apostles Creed. I didn’t have to sing questionable hymns in a dimly lit church full of kids who all wanted the same thing: to play outside on the playscape, and then go home. I can still appreciate churches and cathedrals for their architecture, though, and the purposes that they served. Not only a beautiful meeting place for people of a strong community, but also a safe house. Namely, the grand cathedrals in England that served as shelters during the Blitz of World War II, so that’s something.

My decision to be an ex-Catholic (as dramatic as that sounds) has had some negative repercussions amongst my family. My parents, naturally, attempted to support me in my endeavours, and said that they would “try to respect my opinions”. After the first child, it gets easier. My sister, too, is an ex-Catholic. She was more discrete about dropping her affiliation with the religion, though. First, she stopped going to mass. It always starts with that. Then, she just stated that she was no longer Catholic, one day in the summer. It was quite a surprise for my parents, but they dealt with it easily. It was definitely more smooth than me literally answering my mother’s question of “How was your day at school?” with “I’m not a Catholic anymore,” but I digress. Perhaps my sister had something to do with my own loss of interest in religion. I did look up to her, after all. She was the original, and I was the CNTRL C + CNTRL V. Old habits die hard, I guess.

My parents are fine with it now, but there were definite instances where my “atheism was getting in the way”. Evenings at the dinner table were always fun, when they didn’t end up with someone stomping off to the porch to angrily fume in the outside air. We tried to keep the conversations away from anything politics, religion, and/or business-related, but sometimes the conversations were as wild as a mare, and we were unable to control it when it got out of hand.

As I think it over, I’ve come to the conclusion that religion has, in a way, held me back in many aspects of my life. There are certain morals based around Catholicism that I still hold to myself, but these morals have restricted me in building lasting relationships with people. What’s more is that I was very biased against many different kinds of people for most of my childhood. Due to how my parents connected religion to politics, I remember being furious when seeing the final results of the 2008 Presidential Election, only because my dad was angry that a Democrat had won. I did not know a single policy of the government at that time, but since the Church and the State was so connected in my family, I equated one party with good and moral people (Republicans), and the other with the exact opposite (Democrats). This too, has changed for me. In this way, I was held back from realizing my own political views, which are very different from my parents. They now set me apart from all members of my family, which can be very alienating.

I never got the chance to choose my religion, so that could also be a contributing factor to the grand question of why I dropped religion. Do I want to follow a different religion in the future? This is something I have definitely thought about and strongly considered, but to no avail. There are so many options that I could explore and research; but would I be able to find the right one for me? This calls for me to do some reflecting on myself, and what morals I hold close. I could be a Deist, a Wiccan, an Atheist, a Druid, a Heathen, an Agnostic, a Taoist- the possibilities are truly endless. For now, however, I simply wish to leave that part of my life empty. Maybe one day, if something really calls to me and draws me in, then I’ll see where it takes me. Would I ever go back to Catholicism? No. I had quite the ride, but it was not the one for me.

As for myself, I can acknowledge that I fall under the “agnostic” category. Maybe someday, I’ll find a faith that I can follow willingly. Maybe someday, I can be a part of a community that shares the same beliefs, and has utter confidence in those beliefs. Maybe someday, I’ll find a group of people that practice what they preach, and they will accept me into their company. But as for now, I can only twiddle my thumbs and wonder about a lot of things. What makes the snow so white? How does snow collect in such a way? Why is it that the sun rays don’t melt the snow faster? What is the sun? What’s up with our solar system anyway? 

Even now, in all my adult confidence, I have a hard time admitting that I do not follow any religion. I’ve been so used to simply saying “I’m Catholic” that saying anything else still feels odd. I don’t go into details unless someone asks; the story is not that extravagant anyway. It is even more challenging for me to admit that I am an agnostic. It’s less acknowledged than Atheism, but still relevant. The part that really throws people off is how different it is than Atheism, and different still from not following a religion. Agnosticism is, in simplest terms, that the existence of any deity or higher being is unknown. There’s something unexplainable going on, so I couldn’t explain it to you if I had all the time in the world. For now, I am neither denying, nor agreeing with anyone. I’d like to keep it that way for a while.

Leave of Absences

“ Hey, Julian!” My attention was jerked away from the computer screen by the voice of my superior. “ Kinda need you to take out the screens from these Chromebooks.” I looked at a stack of partially damaged laptops, partially broken in all but one way. Screens we can take out and use for other laptops later.

“ I’ll get on that Mike.” I took out a screwdriver from a tool pouch and got to take out the screw connecting the screen to the Chromebook.

“ Huh?” Mike said with slight curiosity.

We were behind the help desk of the school library. A makeshift help desk for elementary schools tech. Resetting passwords, fixing computers, and reassigning when necessary.

“ Oh is what just a weird email I got.” I explained.

“It’s probably just one of the emails the district to see if you fall for fishing.” Mike dismissed.

“ Yeah. It was probably just junk email.” I looked down and kept my eyes on the computers. “ You can probably leave early for today. I can take care of this and close up for the day.” I suggested. Mike seemed receptive and shrugged.

“ If you can think you can handle it. See ya, tomorrow man.” I waved him off. I was left alone in the library with a stack of computers on the desk. A box for all the spare parts is on the desk right next to me. A taunting laptop with an email that made my skin crawl. Made up of only a few little words.

Its time. It’s your last day on earth. Come to me or I’ll come to you Alveraz. Sunset. Don’t it difficult.

Signed, Grestich

I felt mocked every time I read those words. A slow rage in my soul that lit my heart afire. They know damn well that I’m aware that my time is short. I didn’t need their notes or reminders.

They could do me the kindness, of at least, let me bring my affairs in order. First my job. My paycheck may mean nothing now but I take pride in my small job. It’s mine, I earned it. I made friends with the staff in these two years. I told them I would not be back here next year.

It’s the end of the school year and the last day for the staff. We had a going-away party yesterday. Cake, booze, good food in a restaurant I grew fond of.

It was nice to say goodbye to everyone before leaving. They know what or why I’m leaving but they’re respecting my privacy about it. Thought I did hear there was a betting pool among the custodians about what it was about. Getting a girl knocked up had the biggest money. I wonder how that is going to go when I’m gone.

I took the last screen out and clock in for the day. It was three in the afternoon. Sunset won’t be for another three to four hours. Honestly, I’m terrible with time. I only have that much time to handle two other important things.

The second thing I’m going to miss? A fusion restaurant on a corner. It’s a cozy little spot, one that I’m walking toward while keeping an eye out around me for a stalker. I live out in a rural area. Farms surrounding the school and town I live in. It’s spacious, green, and quiet. The calming thing when there is still light, beautiful when the sun is setting. Kinda eerie when night falls.

Right now was a transition before full sunset. The edges of the sky had a reddish tint and a slowing growing wave of orange was above the clouds. Warm colors coming down on me. I kept my eyes on the roadside trees and bushes as I walked.

I wondered if Gresitich was going to renege was going to expedite the time, take away my last goodbyes with no word and take me from this world. Sound’s like them at least.

To be fair I knew I could not be here for long. Happy things end quicker than they have to while sadness lingers.

After walking on the side of the road for over thirty minutes I reached the fusion restaurant. It was Sushi/ Taco hybrid. Luckily I didn’t see anyone follow me on the way here but that might mean they’re better stalkers than I gave them credit for.

I walked in and say in my usual seat. A corner spot near a window and a fireplace behind me. A comfy spot that I keep coming back to.

A short stack with dark skin and curly hair walked up to me with a menu.

“ Hey, Manny.” I waved to her.

“ Sad to see you go Julian.” She said wistfully. “ Your usual?” I nodded. “ Nigiri and four beef tacos coming right up.” She said with gusto as I waited in my seat. I thought about who I was waiting for.

I told my girlfriend that I was leaving today. When I told her some time ago that I was leaving, I couldn’t tell her the truth but I could at least give an inkling of it.

We’ve been going on while ignoring that I was leaving this week. It only got serious a few days ago when the first email came. I didn’t tell her about them but I did mention that the time is coming.

We met at the restaurant, saw each other on a special. The only one’s eating meals too big for one person to eat. We shared and kept meeting there for over a year and a half. Today was going to be an anniversary.

It’s going to be our last date. A last hurrah of sorts. I think she knows in some way it was going to come to this. I’m the melodramatic sort who acted like a shit when I first came here.

A strange mix of pride and shame. I was too good to be here but felt like I deserved to be stuck far out in the sticks after blundering my last job. I didn’t want to make routes here, it had a timelimit, why bother reaching out to people here. I’m not going to see them again.

I was an ass. Projecting my own shit on everyone else and pretending that it was justified by my own self-pity.

As I thought more of my old self, I saw the one who dragged that self-pitying ass out of his shell with steel tweezers.

Ada was a rotund woman with black skin and a glossy smile. Glittering dress with limbs wrapped in jewelry. High heels clomping. A permanent smile on her face with glossy teeth. My spirit rosed, for a second I forgot it was our last date and planned out in seconds a picnic with homecooked food.

I wanted it to last forever. Her smile turned toward me and sunset in the distance make a halo effect behind her. Making her skin shine like glass. I smiled wide as she sat across from me.

“ You ordered already baby?” She asked in a sultry voice.

“ Two nigiri and three tacos, just how we like.” Her smile shined a bit more.

“ Just like the first time.” She cheerfully waxed nostalgic. “ Sad that we end it with what started it.”

“ I say it’s fitting….Sad but fitting.” I relented. The chill from my walk was on me again. I shook it off to bring my focus to Ada. I want her to feel nothing but happiness before I go. “ You wer-are one of the best people in my life babe. If I could, I would stay forever.”

Ada had a smile on but I saw a little quiver in her left eye.

“ Don’t make a promise you can’t keept. I enjoyed what we had...only sad part is that no one could measure up to when you go. Who else is going to make me chocolates, carve ice statues for Christmas or serenade me? You leave a big shadow.” I was sad, a quiet smile grew on my face.

“ Your a beautiful, fair and good person. Good himself will handcraft the one you stay with. Even he doesn’t he’s a fool who deserves all the world’s atheist.” Ada gave my joke a soft chuckle. The quiver in her eye didn’t leave but her smile still holds. We toast with our margarita’s as the weather outside became monstrous.

Rain coming side waves, wind picking up tree branches, and biting cold. All so sudden on a clear day.

“ Heh, even the weather hates you leaving.” Ada joked. “ Haven’t seen a storm like that since the gremlins rumors spiked.” I turned to the weather and thought about the force behind it and how the winds sounded like condemnations and warnings. Between the debris caught in it and car alarms.

Leave now.

You’ve wasted time.

See me!

Ada seemed unfazed by the weather, nor did she seem able to hear the voices. I don’t try to point them out to her. Gresitch must try harder to scare me.

“ Why are truly leaving?” Ada asked suddenly. My eyes opened wide.

“ What do you mean? I leaving. Simple as that.” Ada was skeptical.

“ If you were just moving we could voice chat. Even if it was permanent.” She pointed out. “ You won’t say anything about where you’re going? Or even why other than telling me that’s my time has come to an end.” Ada inflected a grim, morose tone. “ I’m also sensitive to this stuff. I’m a freaking grief counselor for god’s sake. I know when someone is avoiding the word death.” My face became crestfallen. “ This is the part where you correct me and tell me the truth.” I said nothing. “ Hey...Stop saying nothing...It’s not funny anymore…” The silence continued. “ God damn it! Tell that you’re not dying and tell me the stupid reason the best thing in my life is leaving!” She shouted.

Every part of me wanted to scream the answer. To explain the reason my time is short. To assure her that I’m not dying, that I want to be with her. That this is not my doing.

But the parts that remained anchored to my calmness and logic reminded me the moment I say the truth our time will end. Gretsch would make this all go away, take the choice away, and my place here permanent if I try anything.

“ I can’t.” I said softly.

“ What do you mean you can’t!” She shouted. “ No...No, no, no, no. there better not be no one else!” Ada started to hold her head in her hands. “ Oh god’s that must be it! You wanted to break up with me!” I knew that Ada must have known, deep down that was not the answer. I only ever had eyes for her. But her anger and confusion probably led her there.

I didn’t give her many other alternatives. Though I desperately wanted to.

“ I would never.” I felt the urge, to tell the truth rising.

“ Then tell me the truth!”

“ I can’t.” I ran from the feeling and tried to bite it down.

“ Don’t give me that bull. I tell whole families that their loved ones died and tell them what they need to hear. The least my own love can do is give me the same courtesy.” Her rage crystalizes a bit. Become more focused and sharp. No more yelling. Was she doing that to throw me off? she switched from blind anger to focus much too quickly.

“ I had a limit of time and it’s coming to an end.” I relented. “ I can speak more than that.” I tried to explain but I didn’t need to see the look on her face to know she didn’t believe it.

“ What vague bullshit is that.” She chastised me. “ I would rather you have the balls to tell me to my face that you cheat but this...this!...What do I say about it.”

“ How about that it’s over and that you’re tired.” I heard a low voice say. I didn’t see the source of it but I recognized it. The storm must have hidden how long it’s been.

Gresitch is here.

“ What the h..e..l...l?” Ada started to trail off, her eyes becoming milky white. “ I am tired.” She repeated.

“ And must go home now before the storm gets worse.” Gresitch said again.

“ I must go-” I cut the zombie-like Ada off by grabbing her hands.

“ Must you use brainwashing?” I asked, annoyed that I must ask such a question. I held her hands tightly. “Please.” I pleaded. “ Let me say goodbye before I go.” I begged Grestich.

A small green man walked from the shadow behind me. Long pointed ears and jagged teeth.

“ You constantly try to renegotiate your time here. You are defying the word of your superior. And even now you’re refusing to acknowledge what is suppose to happen.” Gresitch dictated. “ Made a mockery of the rules of the mystic world and the gods!”

“ I was living my life.” I snapped back.

“ And that life ends.” Gresitch looked toward Ada with a mixed pity.

“ Please...Let me have these last moments and I’ll go without a fight.” I pleaded. Gresitch looked toward me and Ada. He sighed into his hands. He stared at me.

“ Fine.” He snapped his fingers. “ you can try to explain things and I’ll allow her the memories but that is it. You leave with me. No fight, no arguing, no second thoughts.” Gresitch laid out with the cold sharpness of his teeth.

“ Deal.” We shook on it and a green chain manifested on my arm.

“ A bit of leverage in case you try to pull some bullshit.” Gresitch laid it thick. I nodded and went toward Ada.

“ The hell is going- What the hell is that!” Ada pointed toward the simmering Gresitch.

“ He is my handler.” I said plainly.

“ The hell that means!?” She loudly questioned.

“ My secrets...have layers of nonsense covered in moronic redtape.” Gresitch groaned at my answer. “ The short of it is...I’m not from this world.”

“You’re an alien.” She asked frankly.

“ No!” I said with quick rejection. “ A magician.” I said with some reservation.

“ Wait your magic?” Ada said with disappointment. “ Wait is he a goblin?” Gresitch nodded.

“ Germanic goblin by the way.” Gresitch said with pride.

“ a pretentious one.” I scoffed.

“ So wait this whole time, I was afraid that you’re cheating me...you were magic and that’s why you’re leaving?” I gave a strained shrug.

“ It is not a wrong assumption.” I begrudge. “ quite accurate on some accounts.”

“ Get to the actual confession or I’m mindwiping here and now.” Grestiched urged me.

“ My mouth felt dry. My palms are sweaty. I’m not exactly human” I try to slowly say.

“ What does that even mean?” Ada said with a scowl. “ You can’t just dump this on me and think that I can accept it. You're trying to pull some Harry Potter bull over my eyes.” I didn’t want to lose her, but I also saw the impatience in Grestich's eyes.

“ I am magical, I was sent here to work a job for a few years.” I looked toward Grestich, he nodded. “ I was sent here to keep an eye out for signs of the apocalypse-”

“ The apocalypse!” Ada screamed out. She looked over to the frozen expression of the waiters and waitresses. Stuck at the moment Grestich made himself known.

“ Don’t bother, everything in here is stuck in time aside from us three.” Ada stared at the goblin. “ Magic, remember.” The green man said calmly. Ada awkwardly walked back to her seat.

“ So my boyfriend was a secret wizard stopping the apocalypse.” She said with a touch of faint sarcasm. “ I don’t know whether to be impressed or laughing over how stupid/ fantastic that sounds.” I shrugged.

“ I don’t blame you for feeling that way.” I said while taking some small sips of my drink. “ And that time has passed. I can’t get into all of it but my term is over.” I said softly.

“ You have to go back.” She summarized.

“ I want to stay...but my job demands I have to be where people need me. This place...was punishment for a bad job a couple of years back.” I bit down the memory. Children running, building on fire, a stupid young magician trying to quench the flame but failing. Death of a partner. “ I rather not speak of it.” I said in a grim tone.

Ada and I sat in silence.

“ So it just ends.”

“ Sadly yes.”

“ And you're gone forever?”

“ Even if I get sent back to earth, it won’t be here.”

“ I guarantee it.” Grestich said coldly.

“ So this is goodbye.” Ada said softly. I nodded. Despite some prodding from Grestich we got to eat in peace, long enough to finish our food, and for one last thing,

We embraced, Outside the restaurant in a quiet bubble that was shield by the storm. Minus Grestich it was wonderful. A quiet sereneness that blocked away everything else as I gave her our last kiss.

“ I love you.” I said as I stood next to Grestich. Ada slumped her head and stared at the ground.

“ I hate that I love you, I hate that you have to leave, What I hate most of all is that I'll never forget you.” A deep pain plunged into me as I heard those words and glared at Grestich. He waved it off and snapped his fingers. A swirling vortex of purple smoke and lights envelopes and takes us away. My only thoughts were of Ada as we left earth.

We appeared in an endless marble hallway with mystics of every kind. Going to their assigned duties.

“ Chin-up.” Spoke Grestich. “ You're free to live your actual life now.” I scowled at him as he walked away from me.