I really want to start presenting more masc but I have NO idea where to start so I’m just scrolling through pictures of the most generic men I can find like uh huh uh huh I see I See

tell me ur thoughts on twilek head coverings 👀

aw YES thank u so much my brain was going to burst

to avoid my brain melting out my ears and also to apply some Critical Thought and Depth to star wars for once: i will be ignoring the aspects of the gross sexualisation of female twi’leks that aren’t relevant to what i’m saying. as recommended by doctors

tw: discussions of canon-typical slavery, trafficking, hyper-sexualisation. brief explanation of blood as internally transported by the body (not graphic). compression aids/stockings for medical purposes. 

only mentioning things people might want to avoid - it’s mostly okay!

0. ‘lekku’ - the tentacles growing from twi’lek heads. that’s uhhhh p important lmao

broadly speaking, i see 2 primary points of significance to twi’lek head coverings: cultural and anatomical.

1. cultural significance

to start with the obvious, we only see head coverings worn almost exclusively on women and children. children seemed to wear head coverings regardless of gender (see: suu lawquane’s kids). the only examples i could find of any coverings on adult men are either helmets or bands that wrap around the ends - with the exception of this dude who appears in the kanan comics and honestly? looks amazing

one interpretation could be a modesty-oriented culture. this is probably my favourite cultural explanation, and one i could 100% see emerging as a form of liberation amongst twi’lek women as a response to the over-sexualisation and trafficking of their species. especially since it’s such a well-known practice and stereotype. (for instance, it’s one that hera syndulla took advantage of multiple times to lower people’s guard.) 

the over-sexualisation of twi’leks is, as far as canon is concerned, distinct to twi’lek women, while enslaved twi’lek men were typically trafficked for manual labour. so it would make sense that the women’s experiences and trauma, being different from that of their male counterparts, may have resulted in a unique custom of dress in retaliation to their suffering.

very messed up how twi’leks are characterised as individuals and as a species, but something i would like to explore from that is how their subjugation and hyper-sexualisation influenced their community identity, their ideologies (especially regarding independence) and the twi’lek population taking back autonomy over their bodies and appearance. 

(in my opinion twi’lek women should have more identity-asserting narratives beyond just a few characters, but that’s by the by.)

however, there are a lot of flaws in the modesty-oriented interpretation idea. firstly, if originating as a social revolution against their enslavement, it only makes sense for as long as the enslavement and trafficking of twi’leks had been a practice. not so sure how it works out pre-Empire. secondly, it doesn’t really work in the case of enslaved twi’leks. think original trilogy - they wore ornate head coverings even when barely clothed otherwise. my guess is that these are more for ‘decoration’, for lack of a better word. since the head coverings themselves are apparently a staple of twi’lek culture, it could be that slavers let enslaved twi’leks wear head coverings for the. ‘exotic’ effect. or whatever. disgusting so let’s move on

it could very well be a religious custom, though i don’t think this is very convincing. simply because we don’t see much of twi’lek religion at all. wish we did :(

there’s a few more possible interpretations but last one for now: family lineage. from the kalikori episodes in rebels, it’s made very clear that family legacy is a defining aspect of a twi’lek’s individual identity. so i guess it wouldn’t be a stretch for women to ‘pass on’ a certain style of head covering through the family line. this explanation is really fun imo because it could possibly explain the different styles of head coverings a little more comprehensively than just regional variations/personal preferences. it also adds more more depth to what’s already been established as twi’lek tradition. could also be little things like medallions/ornaments added to head coverings. 

then again - to once more rain on my own parade - this might not check out, since neither suu’s children share any similarities in head coverings to her own, nor does hera to her mother’s. but more on hera’s head coverings below

2. anatomical/physiological

yeah alright i started getting tired here so. bullet points

star wars plays fast and loose when it comes to twi’lek physiology, especially lekku

the presence of ‘braintails’ - lekku that apparently contain part of a twi’lek’s BRAIN (whack) could be a reason for head coverings

so first and foremost i guess a logical explanation would be it’s just safer to have your brain wrapped up lmao - if they’re contained in dangly bits like lekku with no BONE encasing them (???) then having something wrapped around tightly would be a pretty basic safety measure

why don’t men wear them then? well quite a lot of male twi’lek’s have bulbous, protruding foreheads. not too far-fetched to argue that men’s brains are located more forward, while the women’s are located more backward? definitely not an airtight explanation though. 

i’ll be honest my number one favourite explanation behind head coverings is for circulation. like for varicose veins in the legs (a non-fictional condition), patients usually wear compression stockings. they improve blood flow by letting the arteries (high pressure blood vessels) relax for a bit and gives veins (low pressure) some help in sending blood back to the heart

i think that’s what head coverings could be for!! to help with blood circulation in lekku!! they’re essentially an extra pair of limbs to account for but with none of the motor skills/control of movement. and they’re constantly dangling - seeing how bouncy they are, gravity has to be taking a toll there. think like the worst case of pins and needles but you can barely move the limb that HAS the pins n needles. a compression sock/stocking/head covering might help with that.

reasonably speaking the compression sock would be at the bottom of the limb to account for gravity, and this doesn’t address the gender disparity, so it’s not a perfect explanation. but i like it a lot!!!!!

this could also be adapted for pilots, i feel. like hera’s head coverings have been mentioned to be a notable divergence from usual styles, which could be because they’re adapted for rapid changes in altitude, pressure and gravity? 

anyways much to think about

*vague high pitched noises in the direction of you OG!Elias hot takes*

I love them, if you have any more pls share.

Also; OG!Elias & Jonah friendship/relationship any more thoughts on that???

Ahhh thank you very much!! I Am Not Immune To The Inherent Intimacy Of Bodysharing. I’ve rambled a bit about them here but I always have more thoughts :)

(Okay this took me FOREVER to get to I’m so sorry—the sleep deficit I’ve been running on the week has been insane and the words just didn’t want to word.)

I have a whole backstory for ogElias that lives in my head, and is completely not based in anything canonical, but anyway:

I know that Jonah probably just picks who’s most convenient at the time but Elias accidentally had to go and embody one of my deepest fears and I can’t just let that go so In My Head Jonah picks Elias initially because he’s perfectly suited to the Eye. He’s from a large old family that Jonah actually looks into carefully just in case they’re secretly Lukas-adjacent because they’re just kind of awful. (He might court the Lonely but he’s careful not to invite it in too far—he knows he’s not invulnerable to it.)

But no, the Bouchards are just what they appear to be—a family with too much money and self-importance and history to make up for what they lack in character, and who have as a result become obsessed with public optics, to the detriment of their children. Pulling off the semblance of being a stable, socially presentable family is far more important to them than actual connections, and so Elias and his siblings grow up under the oppressive eye of their parents, who are always scrutinizing how they act, speak, dress, etc. to preserve their public image. Predictably this is hell on everyone involved, but where Elias’s siblings manage to scrape together either the will to pretend or actually absorbing the philosophy, Elias is the family disappointment. Okay so in my head he’s trans, but really there are any number of things that would earn the disappointment of a family obsessed w/ optics. I imagine them as being the unfortunately gaslighty kinds of people who are always going on about how he should just act the way they want him to because ‘they know who he really is better than he does’ or some awfulness like that.

So from this he’s had to actually cultivate a very strongly self-protective sense of identity. He’s going to be him, and he’ll fight to the death to preserve his individuality against a lot of pressure to conform. But on the flipside of that, he’s actually not in a very good place because while he’s cultivated a very definitive self image, he’s terrified of letting anyone actually get close enough to see the real him through the image because the constant judgement has worn on him to the point that he doesn’t want to let anyone have the leverage of being able to dismiss or attack his sense of self.

So this is the perfect combination of traits for Jonah’s purposes—Elias is isolated, terrified of being seen because that makes him vulnerable and equally terrified of not being seen/having his selfhood acknowledged.

What Jonah utterly fails to take into account is just how well they’re suited to each other. Because both of them are incredibly self-protective people but in different directions—Jonah’s willing to sacrifice his identity in order to preserve his life, and Elias is the sort of person who would wouldn’t care about dying if he could be guaranteed an honest eulogy. So in a certain sense they share enough of a personality type and sort of survivalist mentality to fundamentally understand each other, even when they hate each other. Furthermore, Elias is so used to having to defend himself against assaults on his basic sense of self that he’s actually quite resilient in that regard, and though watching his life be stolen without anyone even noticing is literally his most primal terror, Jonah can’t just shove him to the back of their headspace and forget about him, or whatever he’s done with previous hosts. In a sense, Elias has the one rebellion left to him of choosing to remain himself after all of the rest of his choices are taken from him, and this is also partially why he ‘forgets’ to be angry at Jonah—because in a certain sense it’s an assertion of his personality to purposefully maintain all of the parts of himself, and not just what’s filtered through his fear and anger.

Usually when Jonah monologues at his hosts it’s for the purpose of torturing them, but unfortunately he finds that he actually? Enjoys Elias’s company when Elias is forgetting to be angry? And it’s about the most secure relationship he can possibly cultivate because he has total control of the situation, so he lets himself start to like Elias, in the same sort of resigned way that Elias starts to like him. For Elias, his choices have suddenly been narrowed down to nearly none, so he may as well make the best of an objectively awful situation. For Jonah, Elias is absolutely ‘safe’ because he’s powerless to affect the world in any meaningful way, so Jonah may as well indulge himself in all of the socialization he’s missed since his original body. (He has such a wide network of friends and acquaintances in the 1800s that he must be a people person.)

I think that under the right circumstances they could influence each other in positive ways—Elias could make Jonah a little less self-destructive, and having Jonah’s attention and regard would allow Elias to relax his guardedness. So in a sense they both make each other care a little more about the aspects of life that they’ve decided are disposable/unimportant to their survival by seeing those aspects through the other’s eyes, so to speak. This allows them both to actually start enjoying more things about life—Elias wants to know who Jonah is as a person and is disappointed when he finds out that Jonah doesn’t seem to put much thought or effort into himself, and Jonah’s adamant desire to not die starts to infect Elias a little with a willingness to adapt in order to survive, at which point he really starts to examine what he wants out of this relationship.

Unfortunately, this is where the inherent power imbalance rears its head, because if Jonah genuinely starts to care about Elias as a person he’s going to realise just how permanently he fucked their relationship from the start. Quite apart from the whole body-snatching thing, they can’t get the space from each other or the autonomy that a partnership of equals demands, and of course they can’t have a partnership of equals because Jonah’s got literal supernatural powers and centuries of age on Elias and is also effectively his jailer. Whether he can or cannot cede any physical autonomy to Elias if he wants, he also has to choose how much influence he allows Elias to have over him as a person and in terms of decisions.

I think by this point Elias knows absolutely everything about the Mass Ritual, because Jonah overshares because he’s socially starved and also because the Eye likes it, so the way I see it is on one extreme, Elias takes a definitive moral stand and they end up in a really yearn-y relationship where they’re always together but can’t really be together, or on the other he just says fuck it and decides to be evil, too, partially as a way of asserting control over his situation, and they end up being extremely codependent. (And of course any mixture of the two.)

But in particular, because I’m a massive fan of Elias killing Jonah, I like the former scenario because he’d do it if he got the opportunity but it would hurt, but he’d have to because I think that no matter what, if Jonah had complete control, he’d never give that up or turn aside from his immortality quest, in love or not.

More miscellany:

-I like the idea of Elias being the one who’s got the methodical/logical way of thinking, vs Jonah as the imaginative/intuitive one. Jonah’s got his moments of high drama despite the bland bureaucrat persona, and I like the idea of Elias as working as a file clerk on purpose because he likes paperwork and organisation and he could not care less about the degree that his family made him go and get.

(Original post of takes here )

oh, baby! | jjk (05)

pairing: reader x jjk genre: fluff, angst, humour, ceo au summary: a social media interactive au where a hypothetical situation sets you on a highly illegal quest to help out a friend. parts: one  ★  two  ★  three  ★  four  ★  five  ★  six  ★

jungkook is running late. 

His grip on the steering wheel tightens as he runs his free hand through his hair, tugging in frustration. The meeting had run longer than expected and he’d completely forgotten to confirm a couple of things with his secretary, so he found himself being dragged into a whirlpool of confirmations and emails, until finally, he’d managed to break free. 

And now he’s almost twenty minutes late. 

He mutters a few curses under his breath, foot coming down harshly on the pedal as his Tesla jerks forward, his little arrow on the GPS getting closer and closer to his destination, the Ruby Grill.

He’d been there hundreds of times, he loved that it was far away from the office and gave him some space to breathe and get work off of his mind, but today he’d been so frazzled he needed his GPS to make sure he didn’t lose his way and end up even later than he already was.

As he pulls into the parking space he’d reserved for himself, he works on adjusting his appearance, softening his hair down as he says, “Siri, text Miss Miller ‘I’m here’.”

“Send ‘I’m here’ to Miss Miller?” The assistant parrots back, to which he says, “Send.” He then loosens his tie, taking it off and unbuttoning his first three buttons, sighing in relief as he leans against his seat, dialing Jimin, who answers on the first ring. 

“Dude, what the actual fuck are you playing at? She’s been waiting for thirty minutes now!” 

“Technically it’s twenty five and counting.” He answers weakly, groaning as Jimin makes a sound of disapproval. “Just get your ass in here Jeon, before she passes out from anxiety.” 

“She’s anxious?” Jungkook disconnects his bluetooth and lifts his phone to his ear as he exits his car, locking it behind him as he makes his way towards the restaurant. Jimin sounds mildly concerned when he says, “Yeah, man, she’s been fidgeting non-stop. I think she’s taken like, four bathroom breaks now? She’s just downing a lot of water and glancing around. Three members of staff have shot her sympathetic looks too, by the way.” 

“Jesus, you don’t need to make me feel like utter shit, I get it.” The younger winces at the thought of you sitting alone, waiting in a restaurant he was sure is unfamiliar to you, giving the impression that you’d been stood up to members of staff. 

What a great first impression to make, he thinks dryly, I’ll be lucky if she’s still willing to talk. 

“Right, I see you, so I’m going to hang up and watch how this plays out. Good luck, my guy, if she ruins that pristine white shirt of yours you kind of deserve it and you shouldn’t sue. Okay, bye!” 

Before the younger can formulate a response, the older hangs up, leaving him to huff in annoyance. As he enters, he signs himself beside your name, tilting his head slightly. 

Now that he looks at it, it sounds really familiar. 

Really, really familiar. 

He frowns, staring at your name for a couple of seconds. Where does he know you from? A reporter who’d tried to sell a false story? No, that didn’t seem like it. An ex-girlfriend? Wasn’t it either, he’d have remembered you. Maybe the party? 

Ugh. 

“Sir, she’s sitting near the window over there.” The receptionist pulls him from his train of thought, gesturing towards where you were sat, chin resting atop your palm as you scrolled through something on your phone. 

Not too far away, but within good distance, sat Jimin, engrossed in his meal. His best friend had dressed rather casual, in a black shirt tucked into ripped jeans, none of his usual rings present but a simple watch adorning his wrist. 

Jungkook feels grossly overdressed in his office attire, but he shrugs it off, knowing he has no choice. He thanks the receptionist and makes his way over to where you were sat, simultaneously gaining Jimin’s attention in the process. The older man raises both his thumbs up at him, mouthing, don’t sue! which earns him an eye roll. 

As you look up, Jungkook says, “Miss Miller?” 

Your eyes widen, startled as you get to your feet to greet him, stepping out from your seat to give him a polite hug. He doesn’t get to hold you long, for you pull away rather quickly, but you smell really good. Some kind of mild perfume, but he likes it. 

“Mr. Jeon,” you smile, and he swears he’s seen you somewhere before, “it’s nice to finally meet you.” 

He gives you a sheepish smile in response, the two of you taking a seat opposite each other as he gives you a sincere apology. “I’m really, really sorry I’m late, it wasn’t my intention to keep you waiting. I had a meeting run over, and my forgetfulness caught up to me. I hope I haven't made a terrible first impression.” 

You seem to mull it over for a second. “It’s alright, I understand how work can get sometimes. The important thing is that you’re here, because I swear, if you’d taken another five minutes, the waitresses were going to pour me a drink.” You laugh and add, “And I’ve made it clear I can’t be drinking.” 

“Hm, why not? It’s Friday after all.” As you respond, telling him it’s important that you stay away from alcohol, he takes in your appearance, relief easing the tension in his shoulders as he realizes you’ve also come straight from work. Your hair is slicked back into a tight ponytail, simple studs and no hoops, the pop of colour being your lipstick—a shade of red touching maroon. He figures it was the most you could do to aid the rest of your attire—a silk, beige blouse tucked into a black pencil skirt. 

“So, shall we order?” He meets your eyes again, fighting back a frown as he says, “Sure, let’s do it.” It’s bothering him, he can’t figure out why you look and sound so familiar. If you were someone important to him, he’d surely have some recollection of you. But all he has is a nagging sixth sense with an overwhelming sense of familiarity, he knows you. He just can’t figure out from where or how. 

You have no idea why Jungkook keeps staring. 

As you read the items on the menu, trying to stop your blood pressure from rising at the prices, you fight the urge to shift under his gaze. You’re certain he won't remember you, it’s been eight years. You’d only been his friend for two years before his parents whisked him off to some top class school in British Columbia. 

There’s no way he can still remember you. He had no recollection of you, you were sure of it. 

Because if he did, you wouldn’t be here. You’d have no idea that he remembered nothing that night at the party, you wouldn’t even know he still kept his private Twitter account—the one he’d opened when he was twelve. 

And damn—he’s grown into his body. 

He still has the innocent doe eyes, but they’re a bit sharper around the corners now. He used to be shorter than you, a scrawny kid with a boisterous laugh and an adorable smile. 

There’s aspects of him there, the smile and the eyes, but for most of it, the Jungkook you knew has grown well. He’s not even close to being scrawny or short, if the way the shirt clung to his body was any indication. His posture is more confident now, a stance of power and presence, perfectly akin to one of a leader.

To one of an heir.

“You're staring, Miss Miller,” he gives you a teasing smile, “is there something on my face?”

“No, it’s just nice to see how much you’ve grown.” 

You instantly regret the words the second they leave your mouth. His eyebrows furrow as he says, “I’m sorry, come again?” As you sputter to respond, he leans forward, frown evident. “Wait, so I am right, we have met before!” 

Shit. 

SHIT!

“Uh,” you chuckle nervously, trying to decide if it was a good idea to tell him who you were or lie. “I really wasn’t that important—trust me, it was a long time ago too—” 

“Miss Miller, please tell me before the curiosity eats at me. How do we know each other?” His gaze is pleading, and you gulp, finding yourself unable to resist. You didn’t know if revealing your past friendship would affect your plan in anyway, but hey, the pro was, he’d be a little more comfortable around you. 

Especially since you were going to drop a huge bomb on him later anyway. 

“Um, well,” you pick your words carefully, “we knew each other in middle school. You might not remember, but we were twelve. You moved away when you were fourteen—” 

You’re interrupted by him gasping your name, eyes wide. He says it again. And again, and then one more time, a little loudly. And then he lets out a surprised laugh, hand finding yours on the table as he says, “Oh my fucking god.” 

“Yeah,” you answer slowly, hating that you don’t pull your hand away from his hold, “yeah it’s me.” 

Jungkook exhales sharply, still staring at you like he’d struck gold. “How long has it been, ten years? No, eight years! I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you!” A mischievous grin tugs at his lips as he says, “Ah, how could I have forgotten my life mate?” 

Still holding his hand, you lower your head with a groan. “No, stop, don’t bring that cringey shit up again.” He laughs gleefully, eyes bright with mirth. “I still genuinely can’t believe it’s you. You’re talking about me having grown? Look at you! Hey, I’m taller now!” 

“By an inch or two, you jerk!” You retort, fighting a smile as you glare at him. “I’m still older, you’re being so disrespectful.” 

Jungkook shakes his head at that, letting go of your hand as he does so. “You’re older by four months. Big deal. We’re still the same age, so it doesn’t count. Gah, no wonder your name sounded so familiar.” 

“Are you that happy to see me?” You tease, lifting your glass of water to your lips. 

“Well, of course, you were one of my closest friends. You were sincere and made sure I didn’t retreat into my shell for the two years Jimin and I were separated. When I moved and we lost contact, I was sure I’d never see you or hear from you again. I’m so, so glad I was wrong.” 

Your smile widens involuntarily, an old feeling of fondness rising as you take in Jungkook’s happy grin. The two of you had been inseparable. It was comforting to know he still regarded you with happiness. 

It hits you then, what you were about to do. 

To your childhood friend. 

It’s hard to keep your expression stable then, but you manage as Jungkook orders your food, keeping you engaged in conversation while you wait for it to arrive. He asks you about your job, where you went for uni and how you’re doing now. You tell him you took your love of science to a bachelor of science degree in psychology, and because you ran out of funds before you could start your masters, you graduated and became a media psychologist, working as an advertisement consultant for big companies. 

He smiles and nods at the right parts, looking extremely proud as you explain. When you finish, he says, “You always had a talent with people. I’m glad it took you places.” 

“Thank you,” you respond, flattered. “Enough about me, how’ve you been? How was British Columbia?” 

He shudders. “Dreadfully cold.” 

You laugh as he dives into it, your food arriving as he begins. You eat and learn about Jungkook’s life: after he graduated high school, he took a bachelor of business administration degree and although he was initially hesitant, he found himself enjoying it. He tells you it can get a little too technical and boring sometimes, but he never tired of pitching projects and diving into financial risks. He had the choice of pursuing his masters, but decided to intern at his own company instead, finding himself more eager to get a hands-on experience. 

He worked his way up from the bottom, and now he’s where he is, set to inherit the company—no, the empire his father had built—very soon.  

“There was a lot of blood, sweat and tears along the way, but I’m happy I’m here now. Though I suppose my brother’s taken a lot more, he’s graduating from law school in a year. And he couldn’t be more ready, poor guy.” 

“Yeah, well, from the minimal interactions I’ve had with your brother, I’m certain he’ll make a fantastic lawyer.” Jungkook hums in agreement, smiling. “I’m aware. I’m just glad we don’t have a bad relationship and aren’t fighting to inherit the company.” 

“Your brother made it very clear when he was eighteen that he wanted absolutely nothing to do with the company and wanted to venture out on his own.” 

“Hm, fair.” 

Once you’re done eating and your plates have been taken away, Jungkook seems to finally remember what he’s here for. “So, this isn’t exactly our first reunion, seeing as we met at the party. Can you tell me what happened?” 

You stiffen. “I’m—I don’t know how to tell you.” 

“Hey,” Jungkook gently takes your hand in his own once again, “you were my best friend through my emo phase. You can tell me anything.” You laugh at that, finding yourself involuntarily relaxing when he started rubbing soothing circles over your knuckles. 

“Well, I only got into the party because Johnny invited me.” He nods, saying, “I don’t really talk to him, but I get it, he’s pretty easy to befriend.” 

“Easier when drunk too,” you add with a nervous chuckle, “anyway, I was trying to get into this club and the bouncer was trying to charge me twenty dollars even though it’s ladies free before eleven—and I was there at ten fifty-two, thank you very much. It’s starting to get heated and I’m holding up this long line of people when Johnny passes by and he said something about a friend of his hosting a party nearby.” 

“Jaehyun.” Jungkook answers quickly. “It was Jaehyun. His parties are wild.” 

“Yeah I know,” you’re careful not to add any detail, “it was kind of intimidating, so I decided to get some drinks, because although Johnny promised he’d stick by me and introduce me to everyone, he pretty much bolted the second we entered.” 

The taller man looks amused, but says nothing. 

“Okay, so halfway through my process of getting tipsy, I ran into you. I’m not sure how much you had to drink, but you seemed pretty out of it as well. I think you tried to pull the whole ‘did you fall from heaven’ line too.” You pause, frowning for dramatic effect. “Didn’t work really well.” 

“Listen, I’m a lot smoother when I’m not in drowning in Absolut.” 

You force a grin, nodding your head disbelievingly. “I’m sure. Anyway, for whatever reason, you challenged me to a drinking game. If I won, you’d get me McDonald’s. If you won, you got my name.” 

The corners of Jungkook’s mouth twitch up into a smile that you know he’s trying to fight. He doesn't say anything, allowing you to continue. You hate that he’s so engaged and that the only reason he was engaged and buying all of this bullshit so far is because you’d spent hours going through his Twitter to find out his friends and gauge what his typical party behaviour was. 

“It’s a bit of a blur after that, considering how much alcohol we’d both consumed. I think it was a tie, ‘cause we called a truce and—” You pause abruptly, feeling the tips of your ears going red. Even if it never happened, you still felt embarrassed. 

Jungkook’s smile has faded, he’s now starting to look flustered. There’s a dust of pink on his cheeks as he says, “Oh w-we—we had—”

“—yeah,” you answer, coughing awkwardly, “yeah we did.” 

He’s fighting hard to get rid of the blush, but it isn’t working. His shoulders have dropped slightly as he runs a hand through his hair, laughter spilling out of his mouth as he says, “Well, that’s one hell of a reunion, hm?” 

You cough again, trying your best to force out a laugh. God, this is painfully awkward. “Yeah.”

“Is that all you know then?” 

Oh, boy, here we go. 

You can do this. 

Just spit it out!

Rip off the bandaid.

Weakly, you say, “No. T-there’s more.” 

His grip on your hand tightens slightly, seeming to sense the shift in mood. “It’s still me,” he’s giving you a tense smile, “you can tell me.” 

“I skipped that month,” you start slowly, voice barely audible over the clang of cutlery and dim chatter, “and at first, I dismissed it as stress, because it isn’t uncommon for me to skip. But I-I had this nagging feeling a-and I, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to confirm and—” 

His hold on your hand falls loose. His index finger trembles first, and you realize it’s your turn to comfort him. You place your palm atop his hand as you say, “It came out positive, Kook.” 

His breath falters.

“I’m pregnant.” 

Long but worth it.

Holly Butcher posted her advice to the world, 24 hours before she died of cancer.

This was her message...

A bit of life advice from Hol:

“It’s a strange thing to realise and accept your mortality at 26 years young. It’s just one of those things you ignore. The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming; Until the unexpected happens. I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled and grey- most likely caused by the beautiful family (lots of kiddies) I planned on building with the love of my life. I want that so bad it hurts.

That’s the thing about life; It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right.

I’m 27 now. I don’t want to go. I love my life. I am happy.. I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands.

I haven’t started this ‘note before I die’ so that death is feared – I like the fact that we are mostly ignorant to it’s inevitability.. Except when I want to talk about it and it is treated like a ‘taboo’ topic that will never happen to any of us.. That’s been a bit tough. I just want people to stop worrying so much about the small, meaningless stresses in life and try to remember that we all have the same fate after it all so do what you can to make your time feel worthy and great, minus the bullshit.

I have dropped lots of my thoughts below as I have had a lot of time to ponder life these last few months. Of course it’s the middle of the night when these random things pop in my head most!

1) Those times you are whinging about ridiculous things (something I have noticed so much these past few months), just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it. It’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to carry on about it and negatively effect other people’s days.

2) Once you do that, get out there and take a freaking big breath of that fresh Aussie air deep in your lungs, look at how blue the sky

is and how green the trees are; It is so beautiful. Think how lucky you are to be able to do just that – breathe.

3) You might have got caught in bad traffic today, or had a bad sleep because your beautiful babies kept you awake, or your hairdresser cut your hair too short. Your new fake nails might have got a chip, your boobs are too small, or you have cellulite on your arse and your belly is wobbling.

Let all that shit go.. I swear you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go. It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole. I’m watching my body waste away right before my eyes with nothing I can do about it and all I wish for now is that I could have just one more Birthday or Christmas with my family, or just one more day with my partner and dog. Just one more.

4) I hear people complaining about how terrible work is or about how hard it is to exercise – Be grateful you are physically able to. Work and exercise may seem like such trivial things … until your body doesn’t allow you to do either of them.

I tried to live a healthy life, in fact, that was probably my major passion. Appreciate your good health and functioning body- even if it isn’t your ideal size. Look after it and embrace how amazing it is. Move it and nourish it with fresh food. Don’t obsess over it.

5) Remember there are more aspects to good health than the physical body.. work just as hard on finding your mental, emotional and spiritual happiness too. That way you might realise just how insignificant and unimportant having this stupidly portrayed perfect social media body really is.. While on this topic, delete any account that pops up on your news feeds that gives you any sense of feeling shit about yourself. Friend or not.. Be ruthless for your own well-being.

6) Be grateful for each day you don’t have pain and even the days where you are unwell with man flu, a sore back or a sprained ankle, accept it is shit but be thankful it isn’t life threatening and wi

ll go away.

7) Whinge less, people! .. And help each other more.

😎 Give, give, give. It is true that you gain more happiness doing things for others than doing them for yourself. I wish I did this more. Since I have been sick, I have met the most incredibly giving and kind people and been the receiver of the most thoughtful and loving words and support from my family, friends and strangers; More than I could I ever give in return. I will never forget this and will be forever grateful to all of these people.

9) It is a weird thing having money to spend at the end.. when you’re dying. It’s not a time you go out and buy material things that you usually would, like a new dress. It makes you think how silly it is that we think it is worth spending so much money on new clothes and ‘things’ in our lives.

Buy your friend something kind instead of another dress, beauty product or jewellery for that next wedding. 1. No-one cares if you wear the same thing twice 2. It feels good. Take them out for a meal, or better yet, cook them a meal. Shout their coffee. Give/ buy them a plant, a massage or a candle and tell them you love them when you give it to them.

10) Value other people’s time. Don’t keep them waiting because you are shit at being on time. Get ready earlier if you are one of those people and appreciate that your friends want to share their time with you, not sit by themselves, waiting on a mate. You will gain respect too! Amen sister.

11) This year, our family agreed to do no presents and despite the tree looking rather sad and empty (I nearly cracked Christmas Eve!), it was so nice because people didn’t have the pressure of shopping and the effort went into writing a nice card for each other. Plus imagine my family trying to buy me a present knowing they would probably end up with it themselves.. strange! It might seem lame but those cards mean more to me than any impulse purchase could. Mind you, it was also easier to do in our house because we had no little k

iddies there. Anyway, moral of the story- presents are not needed for a meaningful Christmas. Moving on.

12) Use your money on experiences.. Or at least don’t miss out on experiences because you spent all your money on material shit.

13) Put in the effort to do that day trip to the beach you keep putting off. Dip your feet in the water and dig your toes in the sand. Wet your face with salt water.

14) Get amongst nature.

15) Try just enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn’t meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo.. enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else.

Random rhetorical question. Are those several hours you spend doing your hair and make up each day or to go out for one night really worth it? I’ve never understood this about females

🤔.

16) Get up early sometimes and listen to the birds while you watch the beautiful colours the sun makes as it rises.

17) Listen to music.. really listen. Music is therapy. Old is best.

18) Cuddle your dog. Far out, I will miss that.

19) Talk to your friends. Put down your phone. Are they doing okay?

20) Travel if it’s your desire, don’t if it’s not.

21) Work to live, don’t live to work.

Seriously, do what makes your heart feel happy.

22) Eat the cake. Zero guilt.

23) Say no to things you really don’t want to do.

24) Don’t feel pressured to do what other people might think is a fulfilling life.. you might want a mediocre life and that is so okay.

25) Tell your loved ones you love them every time you get the chance and love them with everything you have.

26) Also, remember if something is making you miserable, you do have the power to change it – in work or love or whatever it may be. Have the guts to change. You don’t know how much time you’ve got on this earth so don’t waste it being miserable. I know that is said all the time but it couldn’t be more true.

Anyway, that’s just this

one young gals life advice. Take it or leave it, I don’t mind!

Oh and one last thing, i ) Also, remember if something is making you miserable, you do have the power to change it – in work or love or whatever it may be. Have the guts to change. You don’t know how much time you’ve got on this earth so don’t waste it being miserable. I know that is said all the time but it couldn’t be more true.

Anyway, that’s just this one young gals life advice. Take it or leave it, I don’t mind!

Oh and one last thing, if you can, do a good deed for humanity (and myself) and start regularly donating blood. It will make you feel good with the added bonus of saving lives. I feel like it is something that is so overlooked considering every donation can save 3 lives! That is a massive impact each person can have and the process really is so simple.

Blood donation (more bags than I could keep up with counting) helped keep me alive for an extra year - a year I will be forever grateful  that I got to spend it here on Earth with my family, friends and dog. A year I had some of the greatest times of my life.

..’Til we meet again.

Hol

Xoxo”

A bit of life advice from Hol:

It’s a strange thing to realise and accept your mortality at 26 years young. It’s just one of those things you ignore. The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming; Until the unexpected happens. I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled and grey- most likely caused by the beautiful family (lots of kiddies) I planned on building with the love of my life. I want that so bad it hurts.

That’s the thing about life; It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right.

I’m 27 now. I don’t want to go. I love my life. I am happy.. I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands.

I haven’t started this ‘note before I die’ so that death is feared - I like the fact that we are mostly ignorant to it’s inevitability.. Except when I want to talk about it and it is treated like a ‘taboo’ topic that will never happen to any of us.. That’s been a bit tough. I just want people to stop worrying so much about the small, meaningless stresses in life and try to remember that we all have the same fate after it all so do what you can to make your time feel worthy and great, minus the bullshit.

I have dropped lots of my thoughts below as I have had a lot of time to ponder life these last few months. Of course it’s the middle of the night when these random things pop in my head most!

Those times you are whinging about ridiculous things (something I have noticed so much these past few months), just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it. It’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to carry on about it and negatively effect other people’s days.

Once you do that, get out there and take a freaking big breath of that fresh Aussie air deep in your lungs, look at how blue the sky is and how green the trees are; It is so beautiful. Think how lucky you are to be able to do just that - breathe.

You might have got caught in bad traffic today, or had a bad sleep because your beautiful babies kept you awake, or your hairdresser cut your hair too short. Your new fake nails might have got a chip, your boobs are too small, or you have cellulite on your arse and your belly is wobbling.

Let all that shit go.. I swear you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go. It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole. I’m watching my body waste away right before my eyes with nothing I can do about it and all I wish for now is that I could have just one more Birthday or Christmas with my family, or just one more day with my partner and dog. Just one more.

I hear people complaining about how terrible work is or about how hard it is to exercise - Be grateful you are physically able to. Work and exercise may seem like such trivial things ... until your body doesn’t allow you to do either of them.

I tried to live a healthy life, in fact, that was probably my major passion. Appreciate your good health and functioning body- even if it isn’t your ideal size. Look after it and embrace how amazing it is. Move it and nourish it with fresh food. Don’t obsess over it.

Remember there are more aspects to good health than the physical body.. work just as hard on finding your mental, emotional and spiritual happiness too. That way you might realise just how insignificant and unimportant having this stupidly portrayed perfect social media body really is.. While on this topic, delete any account that pops up on your news feeds that gives you any sense of feeling shit about yourself. Friend or not.. Be ruthless for your own well-being.

Be grateful for each day you don’t have pain and even the days where you are unwell with man flu, a sore back or a sprained ankle, accept it is shit but be thankful it isn’t life threatening and will go away.

Whinge less, people! .. And help each other more.

Give, give, give. It is true that you gain more happiness doing things for others than doing them for yourself. I wish I did this more. Since I have been sick, I have met the most incredibly giving and kind people and been the receiver of the most thoughtful and loving words and support from my family, friends and strangers; More than I could I ever give in return. I will never forget this and will be forever grateful to all of these people.

It is a weird thing having money to spend at the end.. when you’re dying. It’s not a time you go out and buy material things that you usually would, like a new dress. It makes you think how silly it is that we think it is worth spending so much money on new clothes and ‘things’ in our lives.

Buy your friend something kind instead of another dress, beauty product or jewellery for that next wedding. 1. No-one cares if you wear the same thing twice 2. It feels good. Take them out for a meal, or better yet, cook them a meal. Shout their coffee. Give/ buy them a plant, a massage or a candle and tell them you love them when you give it to them.

Value other people’s time. Don’t keep them waiting because you are shit at being on time. Get ready earlier if you are one of those people and appreciate that your friends want to share their time with you, not sit by themselves, waiting on a mate. You will gain respect too! Amen sister.

This year, our family agreed to do no presents and despite the tree looking rather sad and empty (I nearly cracked Christmas Eve!), it was so nice because people didn’t have the pressure of shopping and the effort went into writing a nice card for each other. Plus imagine my family trying to buy me a present knowing they would probably end up with it themselves.. strange! It might seem lame but those cards mean more to me than any impulse purchase could. Mind you, it was also easier to do in our house because we had no little kiddies there. Anyway, moral of the story- presents are not needed for a meaningful Christmas. Moving on.

Use your money on experiences.. Or at least don’t miss out on experiences because you spent all your money on material shit.

Put in the effort to do that day trip to the beach you keep putting off. Dip your feet in the water and dig your toes in the sand. Wet your face with salt water.

Get amongst nature.

Try just enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn’t meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo.. enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else.

Random rhetorical question. Are those several hours you spend doing your hair and make up each day or to go out for one night really worth it? I’ve never understood this about females 🤔.

Get up early sometimes and listen to the birds while you watch the beautiful colours the sun makes as it rises.

Listen to music.. really listen. Music is therapy. Old is best.

Cuddle your dog. Far out, I will miss that.

Talk to your friends. Put down your phone. Are they doing okay?

Travel if it’s your desire, don’t if it’s not.

Work to live, don’t live to work.

Seriously, do what makes your heart feel happy.

Eat the cake. Zero guilt.

Say no to things you really don’t want to do.

Don’t feel pressured to do what other people might think is a fulfilling life.. you might want a mediocre life and that is so okay.

Tell your loved ones you love them every time you get the chance and love them with everything you have.

Also, remember if something is making you miserable, you do have the power to change it - in work or love or whatever it may be. Have the guts to change. You don’t know how much time you’ve got on this earth so don’t waste it being miserable. I know that is said all the time but it couldn’t be more true.

Anyway, that’s just this one young gals life advice. Take it or leave it, I don’t mind!

Oh and one last thing, if you can, do a good deed for humanity (and myself) and start regularly donating blood. It will make you feel good with the added bonus of saving lives. I feel like it is something that is so overlooked considering every donation can save 3 lives! That is a massive impact each person can have and the process really is so simple.

Blood donation (more bags than I could keep up with counting) helped keep me alive for an extra year - a year I will be forever grateful that I got to spend it here on Earth with my family, friends and dog. A year I had some of the greatest times of my life.

..’Til we meet again.

Hol

Xoxo

This Letter From A 27-Year-Old Who Was Dying Of Cancer Will Change Your Approach To Life

A bit of life advice from Hol:

It’s a strange thing to realise and accept your mortality at 26 years young. It’s just one of those things you ignore. The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming; Until the unexpected happens. I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled and grey- most likely caused by the beautiful family (lots of kiddies) I planned on building with the love of my life. I want that so bad it hurts.

That’s the thing about life; It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right.

I’m 27 now. I don’t want to go. I love my life. I am happy.. I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands.

I haven’t started this ‘note before I die’ so that death is feared - I like the fact that we are mostly ignorant to it’s inevitability.. Except when I want to talk about it and it is treated like a ‘taboo’ topic that will never happen to any of us.. That’s been a bit tough. I just want people to stop worrying so much about the small, meaningless stresses in life and try to remember that we all have the same fate after it all so do what you can to make your time feel worthy and great, minus the bullshit.

I have dropped lots of my thoughts below as I have had a lot of time to ponder life these last few months. Of course it’s the middle of the night when these random things pop in my head most!

Those times you are whinging about ridiculous things (something I have noticed so much these past few months), just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it. It’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to carry on about it and negatively effect other people’s days.

Once you do that, get out there and take a freaking big breath of that fresh Aussie air deep in your lungs, look at how blue the sky is and how green the trees are; It is so beautiful. Think how lucky you are to be able to do just that - breathe.

You might have got caught in bad traffic today, or had a bad sleep because your beautiful babies kept you awake, or your hairdresser cut your hair too short. Your new fake nails might have got a chip, your boobs are too small, or you have cellulite on your arse and your belly is wobbling.

Let all that shit go.. I swear you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go. It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole. I’m watching my body waste away right before my eyes with nothing I can do about it and all I wish for now is that I could have just one more Birthday or Christmas with my family, or just one more day with my partner and dog. Just one more.

I hear people complaining about how terrible work is or about how hard it is to exercise - Be grateful you are physically able to. Work and exercise may seem like such trivial things ... until your body doesn’t allow you to do either of them.

I tried to live a healthy life, in fact, that was probably my major passion. Appreciate your good health and functioning body- even if it isn’t your ideal size. Look after it and embrace how amazing it is. Move it and nourish it with fresh food. Don’t obsess over it.

Remember there are more aspects to good health than the physical body.. work just as hard on finding your mental, emotional and spiritual happiness too. That way you might realise just how insignificant and unimportant having this stupidly portrayed perfect social media body really is.. While on this topic, delete any account that pops up on your news feeds that gives you any sense of feeling shit about yourself. Friend or not.. Be ruthless for your own well-being.

Be grateful for each day you don’t have pain and even the days where you are unwell with man flu, a sore back or a sprained ankle, accept it is shit but be thankful it isn’t life threatening and will go away.

Whinge less, people! .. And help each other more.

Give, give, give. It is true that you gain more happiness doing things for others than doing them for yourself. I wish I did this more. Since I have been sick, I have met the most incredibly giving and kind people and been the receiver of the most thoughtful and loving words and support from my family, friends and strangers; More than I could I ever give in return. I will never forget this and will be forever grateful to all of these people.

It is a weird thing having money to spend at the end.. when you’re dying. It’s not a time you go out and buy material things that you usually would, like a new dress. It makes you think how silly it is that we think it is worth spending so much money on new clothes and ‘things’ in our lives.

Buy your friend something kind instead of another dress, beauty product or jewellery for that next wedding. 1. No-one cares if you wear the same thing twice 2. It feels good. Take them out for a meal, or better yet, cook them a meal. Shout their coffee. Give/ buy them a plant, a massage or a candle and tell them you love them when you give it to them.

Value other people’s time. Don’t keep them waiting because you are shit at being on time. Get ready earlier if you are one of those people and appreciate that your friends want to share their time with you, not sit by themselves, waiting on a mate. You will gain respect too! Amen sister.

This year, our family agreed to do no presents and despite the tree looking rather sad and empty (I nearly cracked Christmas Eve!), it was so nice because people didn’t have the pressure of shopping and the effort went into writing a nice card for each other. Plus imagine my family trying to buy me a present knowing they would probably end up with it themselves.. strange! It might seem lame but those cards mean more to me than any impulse purchase could. Mind you, it was also easier to do in our house because we had no little kiddies there. Anyway, moral of the story- presents are not needed for a meaningful Christmas. Moving on.

Use your money on experiences.. Or at least don’t miss out on experiences because you spent all your money on material shit.

Put in the effort to do that day trip to the beach you keep putting off. Dip your feet in the water and dig your toes in the sand. Wet your face with salt water.

Get amongst nature.

Try just enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn’t meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo.. enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else.

Random rhetorical question. Are those several hours you spend doing your hair and make up each day or to go out for one night really worth it? I’ve never understood this about females 🤔.

Get up early sometimes and listen to the birds while you watch the beautiful colours the sun makes as it rises.

Listen to music.. really listen. Music is therapy. Old is best.

Cuddle your dog. Far out, I will miss that.

Talk to your friends. Put down your phone. Are they doing okay?

Travel if it’s your desire, don’t if it’s not.

Work to live, don’t live to work.

Seriously, do what makes your heart feel happy.

Eat the cake. Zero guilt.

Say no to things you really don’t want to do.

Don’t feel pressured to do what other people might think is a fulfilling life.. you might want a mediocre life and that is so okay.

Tell your loved ones you love them every time you get the chance and love them with everything you have.

Also, remember if something is making you miserable, you do have the power to change it - in work or love or whatever it may be. Have the guts to change. You don’t know how much time you’ve got on this earth so don’t waste it being miserable. I know that is said all the time but it couldn’t be more true.

Anyway, that’s just this one young gals life advice. Take it or leave it, I don’t mind!

Oh and one last thing, if you can, do a good deed for humanity (and myself) and start regularly donating blood. It will make you feel good with the added bonus of saving lives. I feel like it is something that is so overlooked considering every donation can save 3 lives! That is a massive impact each person can have and the process really is so simple.

Blood donation (more bags than I could keep up with counting) helped keep me alive for an extra year - a year I will be forever grateful that I got to spend it here on Earth with my family, friends and dog. A year I had some of the greatest times of my life.

..’Til we meet again.

Hol

Xoxo

Holly Butcher (born 9 June 1990) was an Australian cancer patient, who gained a following on social media covering her illness and subsequent death aged 27 on January 4, 2018. Her last letter for her life lessons became viral in the social media and gained immediate attention.

A bit of life advice from Hol:

It’s a strange thing to realise and accept your mortality at 26 years young. It’s just one of those things you ignore. The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming; Until the unexpected happens.

I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled and grey- most likely caused by the beautiful family (lots of kiddies) I planned on building with the love of my life. I want that so bad it hurts.

That’s the thing about life; It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right.

I’m 27 now. I don’t want to go. I love my life. I am happy.. I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands.

I haven’t started this ‘note before I die’ so that death is feared – I like the fact that we are mostly ignorant to it’s inevitability. Except when I want to talk about it and it is treated like a ‘taboo’ topic that will never happen to any of us.

That’s been a bit tough. I just want people to stop worrying so much about the small, meaningless stresses in life and try to remember that we all have the same fate after it all so do what you can to make your time feel worthy and great, minus the bullshit.

I have dropped lots of my thoughts below as I have had a lot of time to ponder life these last few months. Of course it’s the middle of the night when these random things pop in my head most!

Those times you are whinging about ridiculous things (something I have noticed so much these past few months), just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it.

It’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to carry on about it and negatively effect other people’s days.

Once you do that, get out there and take a freaking big breath of that fresh Aussie air deep in your lungs, look at how blue the sky is and how green the trees are; It is so beautiful. Think how lucky you are to be able to do just that – breathe.

You might have got caught in bad traffic today, or had a bad sleep because your beautiful babies kept you awake, or your hairdresser cut your hair too short. Your new fake nails might have got a chip, your boobs are too small, or you have cellulite on your arse and your belly is wobbling.

Let all that shit go.. I swear you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go.

It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole. I’m watching my body waste away right before my eyes with nothing I can do about it and all I wish for now is that I could have just one more Birthday or Christmas with my family, or just one more day with my partner and dog. Just one more.

I hear people complaining about how terrible work is or about how hard it is to exercise – Be grateful you are physically able to. Work and exercise may seem like such trivial things … until your body doesn’t allow you to do either of them.

I tried to live a healthy life, in fact, that was probably my major passion. Appreciate your good health and functioning body- even if it isn’t your ideal size. Look after it and embrace how amazing it is. Move it and nourish it with fresh food. Don’t obsess over it.

Remember there are more aspects to good health than the physical body.. work just as hard on finding your mental, emotional and spiritual happiness too. That way you might realise just how insignificant and unimportant having this stupidly portrayed perfect social media body really is.

While on this topic, delete any account that pops up on your news feeds that gives you any sense of feeling shit about yourself. Friend or not.. Be ruthless for your own well-being.

Be grateful for each day you don’t have pain and even the days where you are unwell with man flu, a sore back or a sprained ankle, accept it is shit but be thankful it isn’t life threatening and will go away.

Whinge less, people! .. And help each other more.

Give, give, give. It is true that you gain more happiness doing things for others than doing them for yourself. I wish I did this more.

Since I have been sick, I have met the most incredibly giving and kind people and been the receiver of the most thoughtful and loving words and support from my family, friends and strangers; More than I could I ever give in return. I will never forget this and will be forever grateful to all of these people.

It is a weird thing having money to spend at the end.. when you’re dying. It’s not a time you go out and buy material things that you usually would, like a new dress. It makes you think how silly it is that we think it is worth spending so much money on new clothes and ‘things’ in our lives.

Buy your friend something kind instead of another dress, beauty product or jewellery for that next wedding.

1. No-one cares if you wear the same thing twice

2. It feels good.

Take them out for a meal, or better yet, cook them a meal. Shout their coffee.

Give/ buy them a plant, a massage or a candle and tell them you love them when you give it to them.

Value other people’s time.

Don’t keep them waiting because you are shit at being on time.

Get ready earlier if you are one of those people and appreciate that your friends want to share their time with you, not sit by themselves, waiting on a mate. You will gain respect too! Amen sister.

This year, our family agreed to do no presents and despite the tree looking rather sad and empty (I nearly cracked Christmas Eve!), it was so nice because people didn’t have the pressure of shopping and the effort went into writing a nice card for each other.

Plus imagine my family trying to buy me a present knowing they would probably end up with it themselves.. strange!

It might seem lame but those cards mean more to me than any impulse purchase could.

Mind you, it was also easier to do in our house because we had no little kiddies there. Anyway, moral of the story- presents are not needed for a meaningful Christmas. Moving on.

Use your money on experiences. Or at least don’t miss out on experiences because you spent all your money on material shit.

Put in the effort to do that day trip to the beach you keep putting off. Dip your feet in the water and dig your toes in the sand. Wet your face with salt water. Get amongst nature.

Try just enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn’t meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo.. enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else.

Random rhetorical question. Are those several hours you spend doing your hair and make up each day or to go out for one night really worth it? I’ve never understood this about females 🤔.

Get up early sometimes and listen to the birds while you watch the beautiful colours the sun makes as it rises.

Listen to music.. really listen. Music is therapy. Old is best.

Cuddle your dog. Far out, I will miss that.

Talk to your friends. Put down your phone. Are they doing okay?

Travel if it’s your desire, don’t if it’s not.

Work to live, don’t live to work.

Seriously, do what makes your heart feel happy.

Eat the cake. Zero guilt.

Say no to things you really don’t want to do.

Don’t feel pressured to do what other people might think is a fulfilling life.. you might want a mediocre life and that is so okay.

Tell your loved ones you love them every time you get the chance and love them with everything you have.

Also, remember if something is making you miserable, you do have the power to change it – in work or love or whatever it may be. Have the guts to change. You don’t know how much time you’ve got on this earth so don’t waste it being miserable. I know that is said all the time but it couldn’t be more true.

Anyway, that’s just this one young gals life advice. Take it or leave it, I don’t mind!

Oh and one last thing, if you can, do a good deed for humanity (and myself) and start regularly donating blood. It will make you feel good with the added bonus of saving lives. I feel like it is something that is so overlooked considering every donation can save 3 lives! That is a massive impact each person can have and the process really is so simple.

Blood donation (more bags than I could keep up with counting) helped keep me alive for an extra year – a year I will be forever grateful that I got to spend it here on Earth with my family, friends and dog. A year I had some of the greatest times of my life.

..’Til we meet again.

Hol

Xoxo

A bit of life advice from Hol: It’s a strange thing to realise and accept your mortality at 26 years young. It’s just one of those things you ignore. The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming; Until the unexpected happens. I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled and grey- most likely caused by the beautiful family (lots of kiddies) I planned on building with the love of my life. I want that so bad it hurts. That’s the thing about life; It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right. I’m 27 now. I don’t want to go. I love my life. I am happy.. I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands. I haven’t started this ‘note before I die’ so that death is feared - I like the fact that we are mostly ignorant to it’s inevitability.. Except when I want to talk about it and it is treated like a ‘taboo’ topic that will never happen to any of us.. That’s been a bit tough. I just want people to stop worrying so much about the small, meaningless stresses in life and try to remember that we all have the same fate after it all so do what you can to make your time feel worthy and great, minus the bullshit. I have dropped lots of my thoughts below as I have had a lot of time to ponder life these last few months. Of course it’s the middle of the night when these random things pop in my head most! Those times you are whinging about ridiculous things (something I have noticed so much these past few months), just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it. It’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to carry on about it and negatively effect other people’s days. Once you do that, get out there and take a freaking big breath of that fresh Aussie air deep in your lungs, look at how blue the sky is and how green the trees are; It is so beautiful. Think how lucky you are to be able to do just that - breathe. You might have got caught in bad traffic today, or had a bad sleep because your beautiful babies kept you awake, or your hairdresser cut your hair too short. Your new fake nails might have got a chip, your boobs are too small, or you have cellulite on your arse and your belly is wobbling. Let all that shit go.. I swear you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go. It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole. I’m watching my body waste away right before my eyes with nothing I can do about it and all I wish for now is that I could have just one more Birthday or Christmas with my family, or just one more day with my partner and dog. Just one more. I hear people complaining about how terrible work is or about how hard it is to exercise - Be grateful you are physically able to. Work and exercise may seem like such trivial things ... until your body doesn’t allow you to do either of them. I tried to live a healthy life, in fact, that was probably my major passion. Appreciate your good health and functioning body- even if it isn’t your ideal size. Look after it and embrace how amazing it is. Move it and nourish it with fresh food. Don’t obsess over it. Remember there are more aspects to good health than the physical body.. work just as hard on finding your mental, emotional and spiritual happiness too. That way you might realise just how insignificant and unimportant having this stupidly portrayed perfect social media body really is.. While on this topic, delete any account that pops up on your news feeds that gives you any sense of feeling shit about yourself. Friend or not.. Be ruthless for your own well-being. Be grateful for each day you don’t have pain and even the days where you are unwell with man flu, a sore back or a sprained ankle, accept it is shit but be thankful it isn’t life threatening and will go away. Whinge less, people! .. And help each other more. Give, give, give. It is true that you gain more happiness doing things for others than doing them for yourself. I wish I did this more. Since I have been sick, I have met the most incredibly giving and kind people and been the receiver of the most thoughtful and loving words and support from my family, friends and strangers; More than I could I ever give in return. I will never forget this and will be forever grateful to all of these people. It is a weird thing having money to spend at the end.. when you’re dying. It’s not a time you go out and buy material things that you usually would, like a new dress. It makes you think how silly it is that we think it is worth spending so much money on new clothes and ‘things’ in our lives. Buy your friend something kind instead of another dress, beauty product or jewellery for that next wedding. 1. No-one cares if you wear the same thing twice 2. It feels good. Take them out for a meal, or better yet, cook them a meal. Shout their coffee. Give/ buy them a plant, a massage or a candle and tell them you love them when you give it to them. Value other people’s time. Don’t keep them waiting because you are shit at being on time. Get ready earlier if you are one of those people and appreciate that your friends want to share their time with you, not sit by themselves, waiting on a mate. You will gain respect too! Amen sister. This year, our family agreed to do no presents and despite the tree looking rather sad and empty (I nearly cracked Christmas Eve!), it was so nice because people didn’t have the pressure of shopping and the effort went into writing a nice card for each other. Plus imagine my family trying to buy me a present knowing they would probably end up with it themselves.. strange! It might seem lame but those cards mean more to me than any impulse purchase could. Mind you, it was also easier to do in our house because we had no little kiddies there. Anyway, moral of the story- presents are not needed for a meaningful Christmas. Moving on. Use your money on experiences.. Or at least don’t miss out on experiences because you spent all your money on material shit. Put in the effort to do that day trip to the beach you keep putting off. Dip your feet in the water and dig your toes in the sand. Wet your face with salt water. Get amongst nature. Try just enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn’t meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo.. enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else. Random rhetorical question. Are those several hours you spend doing your hair and make up each day or to go out for one night really worth it? I’ve never understood this about females 🤔. Get up early sometimes and listen to the birds while you watch the beautiful colours the sun makes as it rises. Listen to music.. really listen. Music is therapy. Old is best. Cuddle your dog. Far out, I will miss that. Talk to your friends. Put down your phone. Are they doing okay? Travel if it’s your desire, don’t if it’s not. Work to live, don’t live to work. Seriously, do what makes your heart feel happy. Eat the cake. Zero guilt. Say no to things you really don’t want to do. Don’t feel pressured to do what other people might think is a fulfilling life.. you might want a mediocre life and that is so okay. Tell your loved ones you love them every time you get the chance and love them with everything you have. Also, remember if something is making you miserable, you do have the power to change it - in work or love or whatever it may be. Have the guts to change. You don’t know how much time you’ve got on this earth so don’t waste it being miserable. I know that is said all the time but it couldn’t be more true. Anyway, that’s just this one young gals life advice. Take it or leave it, I don’t mind! Oh and one last thing, if you can, do a good deed for humanity (and myself) and start regularly donating blood. It will make you feel good with the added bonus of saving lives. I feel like it is something that is so overlooked considering every donation can save 3 lives! That is a massive impact each person can have and the process really is so simple. Blood donation (more bags than I could keep up with counting) helped keep me alive for an extra year - a year I will be forever grateful that I got to spend it here on Earth with my family, friends and dog. A year I had some of the greatest times of my life. ..’Til we meet again. Hol Xoxo

Holly Butcher

Bling-Bling, Darlings

Really, what we’re asking when we pose a question like that is what is Rarity’s character based on. It’s more than fair to say at this point the Elements of Harmony themselves are obsolete, but they undoubtedly helped to form the characters and set a course for their development in the series as a whole. 

And since the real aim of this post is to map Rarity’s character-arc over the course of all 7 seasons and counting, it only made sense to me to start at the beginning.

Or, rather, before the beginning, in the show’s very development!

Once upon a time, when Lauren Faust first dreamed up our main cast, all the Elements were pretty well the same as what they would be in the show. All, except Rarity. Before she was the Element of Generosity, she was the Element of Inspiration.

When I was looking over Rarity’s biggest lessons and teachings, I found that the themes of inspiration and creativity carried over into the show in interesting ways. Not just that she’s a dressmaker, and uses her medium to bring out the beauty in others, but that that creativity may have turned into her biggest character flaw. Her greatest tool and yet her biggest burden.

I think Rarity’s generosity still very much defines the core of who she is, but what I’ve always admired about Rarity is her complexity. Her versatility, her presence. All of these things are owed, in part, to the theme of her development: Expectation Versus Reality.

Of course, this is just my interpretation, but as far as I see it, this over-arching theme usually presents itself in either one of three ways:

How we see Rarity, and how she really is

How others see Rarity, and how she really is

And most importantly, how Rarity's flights of fancy (emphasis on the fancy) conflict with reality

So, this fashion week, I’d like to take some time to appreciate the true beauty that is Rarity. Finally. With this, every member of the main 6 finally has their own editorial (I... clearly didn’t time this out well), and so it seems we saved one of the best for last. Here’s to you, Rarara!

A Tale of Two Rararas

From the beginning, we knew Rarity always dreamed of living in Canterlot. And already, I want to pause in the episode-by-episode run-down to say the fact that Rarity never conflicts with Twilight over this just speaks to her strength of character. 

Sure, there are certainly times when Rarity can be petty, but as Green Isn’t Your Colour proved very early on, even when she does feel envious, her selfless, giving nature wins out, and she won’t hold it against anyone. A far cry from most diva characters, isn’t she?

But to round back to the point, I always found it a tad ironic Twilight lived the life Rarity thought she wanted. Growing up in Canterlot, rubbing elbows with nobles and royalty, and even becoming a princess. The glamour! The intrigue! The... socially awkward bookworm who saw none of these things as opportunities to be taken advantage of.

A part of me thinks that if Rarity were to grow up in Canterlot instead of Twilight, that Rarity wouldn’t be nearly as down-to-earth as ours is. And whether she’s self-aware enough to realize that or not, Rarity’s never once begrudged Twilight for living out some of her dreams. Instead, she’s just dying to hear about it and support her.

Which leads us to the first major Rarity storyline, in Ticketmaster: wanting to marry a Prince she hasn’t met. This is, of course the set-up for an example of what I was talking about early, the whole expectation versus reality thing with Rarity’s fantasy of a perfect love life coming into conflict with the reality of the jerk she was fantasizing about.

So, we next move onto Look Before You Sleep, and it’s here where we give props to the Rarijack shippers: they’re not wrong that this relationship is cute and important. 

This touches on the second part of the theme that I mentioned, how other characters continually learn that Rarity is more than meets the eye. Applejack and Rarity getting to know each other on a deeper and deeper level throughout the series is one of the bigger demonstrations of Rarity’s true depth.She’s not just about frilly dresses and all things frou-frou, as AJ initially believed.

In fact, to skip ahead by one, she’s not your damsel in distress or the frightened princess, either. A Dog and Pony Show is among the classics of season 1 in my book because it’s one of the first times they just straight up tell you Rarity’s resourceful and capable without mincing words. Because hell yeah.

That’s one of the episodes that really play with audience expectation for Rarity, and having it relatively early on was an excellent way to establish Rarity has more character depth than most other fashionista characters in shows for little girls.

Going back to the one we missed, you’ll find another true classic: Suited for Success. I could argue this has a connection to both of the Elements Rarity was initially thought to embody. Her generosity is on full display, not only making these dresses out of the goodness of her heart, but tailoring them to each of her friends’ tastes despite being a fashion expert herself. Then of course there’s the inspiration or creative aspect of it, how Rarity’s struggles perfectly emulate the struggles of real-life professional creatives trying to please all kinds of picky customers.

To add on, I just want to say this episode made me admire Rarity quite a bit. Both her determination to make her friends feel beautiful and her savvy business tactics combined with her creative passion are wonderful traits to have at her core. As entertaining as her dramatics can be (a special thanks goes to Tabitha St. Germain, who never once makes Rarity’s explosions of emotion anything but endearing), have not one but two deeper layers to Rarity makes for an excellent main character.

As we would come to see, both of those core traits have their pitfalls. Green Isn’t You Colour is a fun example, though, because it plays on the negative side to Rarity’s Inspiration Element and yet the positive side of her Generosity. Rarity’s always dreamed of living the glamorous life of a famed seamstress, which leads to her being envious of Fluttershy when she gets to live that out (by the way, if you hadn’t guessed by now, Rarity’s extremely relatable to all creative types). And yet, it’s her giving nature that stops her from being selfish and greedy. 

Next in chronological order is the Cutie Mark Chronicles, and this is one of my bigger arguments for the theme I’ve been talking about so far.

So, Rarity’s horn leads her to a rock, and I think with that long build-up of being dragged all over, there’s that expectation being built up in little Rarity’s mind that this must be important. Again, her tendency to dramatize things gets the better of her. Which is why she freaks out when she gets there and it’s just a big dumb rock---but we all know the rock itself breaks her expectations even further when it’s broken, revealing the true beauty deep within the layers.

Expectation, meet reality.

Speaking of, the Best Night Ever is all about that theme, and I think it goes without saying how Rarity experiences it firsthand like the rest of the girls.

Next up is Sisterhooves Social, and I could make the argument that Rarity’s expectations for her little sister not accounting for her well-meaning intent is what causes the conflict. As well as the fact that the reality is, as a little filly, Sweetie Belle isn’t yet capable of garnishing a breakfast the “proper” way, or doing laundry without shrinking the clothes. Rarity’s an adult with adult responsibilities, so really the lesson becomes about appreciating that inner-beauty/good intent that her little sister has while forgiving the lack of ability.

Then, Sweet and Elite happens, which is probably my favourite Rarity episode to date, in part because it reminds me of an excellent Simpsons episode, Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield. Rarity’s had dreams of living in Canterlot since before the first episode, expertly demonstrated by the song The Type of Pony Everypony Should Know.

But even though there are wonderful elites like Fancy Pants in Canterlot, Rarity finds the bullshit of devaluing ponies like her friends is in fact pretty damn toxic, and that the social hierarchy that she’s admired for so long would put ponies she loves at the bottom. Again, awesome episode, really demonstrates what you might think would be a simple story about Snooty Rich People v.s. Humble Country Bumpkins into a story about a character’s changing worldview on class systems.

After that, we move onto Rarity Takes Manehatten and--- wait, that can’t be right... What do you mean there wasn’t a Rarity episode for almost two seasons?!

I seriously had to have this pointed out to me by the ever insightful @digikate813 because as much as I love Rarity, I didn’t even notice until I really looked.

In part, you could argue because Rarity got so many episodes and starring roles in season 1, that might’ve been the reason they held off on developing her in season 3 (that, and obviously the shortened 13 episode run), but still, not a fun time to be a Rarity fan.

Anyway, Rarity Takes Manehatten. Season 4 was all about showing how the characters could either betray their Element, like Rainbow Dash and Applejack, or be betrayed by it, like Pinkie, Fluttershy, and of course Rarity. Twilight ended up literally having to choose between magic and friendship (which, by the way, still shocks me that her fatal flaw is that, to quote my favourite book series from my childhood, she “would give up the world to save a friend”...). 

And for Rarity, her episode ends up being the antithesis to Green Isn’t Your Colour, where she’s at her best creatively, but her giving nature ends up biting her in the ass. And yet, it’s still the same overarching theme: with the blind trust she places in Suri Polomare with her fabric, Rarity fully expects that Suri is well-meaning. She doesn’t even for a moment hesitate until it’s too late, and the reality of, as Suri puts it, being in the big city.

After that, it’s time for more Rarijack, as we take a look at Simple Ways. Essentially my take away from the episode in terms of Rarity’s overall arc is that she and Applejack, at this point, know each other better than they know themselves, which continues the theme of looking below the surface to find the true beauty within.

Speaking of true beauty, next we have Inspiration Manifestation, which is the episode I first thought of when thinking about the theme of this post: that in some ways, they ended up using Rarity’s old Element of Inspiration as her biggest flaw.

Yes, you can argue that the greedy Rarity we see in Return of Harmony is the literal antithesis of our beloved fashionista, but you can’t deny that the delve into the dark side of Rarity’s dramatic imagination and expectations for how things should/will be much more, this episode being the prime example.

Under the dark magic’s influence, Rarity’s version of Ponyville is... really gaudy. Gold paved streets gaudy. What’s interesting about that is that it becomes more about glory than it is about making it aesthetically pleasing, because when she comes out of it, she seems really taken aback by it. This wouldn’t be Normal Rarity’s ideal Ponyville, it’s just a way of showing herself as the most creative, most beloved pony there is.

And honestly, again, Rarity is extremely relatable to creative types. How many of us have wished we could just manifest our creative thoughts instantly, no work required (but would probably end up abusing that power if it were real)?

Continuing on, we have Canterlot Boutique next, and as Rarity’s very own Magical Mystery Cure or Crusaders of the Lost Mark, it really does emphasize the theme I’ve been talking about. Rarity’s expectations for owning her own boutique in Canterlot and creating a dress known all across Equestria comes into direct conflict with the reality of the business aspects of it all. 

To the point that her business manager is made to seem to the audience like a villain for a while there, until Rarity finds the solution and we realize Sassy Saddles isn’t evil, and can in fact help Rarity’s dream. Even the solution itself is to make her business (manager) work by her rules, and cultivate her creative expression. An excellent episode for an excellent end-cap to Rarity’s goal.

Now, here’s a question: did Rarity’s character arc end when her goal was reached?

Drama Horse Sans Drama?

Because up until this point, that whole expectation V. reality thing has mostly been centered around Rarity learning how to be more grounded, appreciate intentions as opposed to results, and realize her dreams of living the high life often don’t take into account what that might actually entail.

But in Canterlot Boutique, well, she did learn the harsh reality of that situation, but I don’t know that she applied it universally, realizing that she herself didn’t account for how difficult it might truly be.

I think it was a huge step in her development, but she’s far from done growing, and far from done being overdramatic about things. But there is a shift after this to Rarity teaching others.

Rarity Investigates! is an easy example. Rainbow Dash doesn’t have faith in Rarity’s deduction skills because she assumes(/expects) that Rarity’s focus on details is only frivolous.

In Made in Manehatten, Rarity’s main role is to reassure Applejack that even if she’s out of her element, she’s still useful and contributing. On the flip-side, Applejack’s “Day” Off demonstrates how close they are by having Rarity make Applejack relax for once.

The Cart Before the Ponies is an exception to many things, though. Here, Rarity’s once again the one in need of a lesson, as she gets lost in her pursuit of righting a past wrong to the point that she’s blind to the reality of her sister currently wanting to try making her own cart.

P.P.O.V. might seem to buck the trend of Rarity and Applejack understanding each other, but I think that’s due in part to how each character was trying to get out of their element, and thus, totally confused the ones who know them so well. So, yes, Rarity doesn’t understand the “sea madness” Applejack has.

Moving on up to season 7, Forever Filly has Rarity again in the student role, learning the opposite of what she did in Sisterhooves Social. There, it was that Sweetie was too young to be as capable as Rarity expected of her, but here, it’s that Sweetie Belle can’t stay young forever. I see what you did there, writers.

Honest Apple shows Rarity helping Applejack not be a dick about her opinions, and giving young, up-and-coming fashion designers a platform she would’ve killed for at their age. What a good horse.

And then we have Fame and Misfortune, an episode that showcases, among many other things, Rarity’s response to harsh criticism. The episode sets out to prove the mane 6 still have flaws, and it certainly does, proving that even though Rarity’s learned quite a few lessons, that Element of Inspiration in her/her creative side still wants to be loved and valued for her work.

But I’ll leave us off on her part in Campfire Tales, because while it may be a small role, it proves, in essence, what Rarity truly values is a blend of both the Elements I’ve been rambling about. Rarity admires Mistmane not for her popularity or status, but for the way she gives to others by spreading beauty. Generosity and Inspiration combined.

Just like Rarity herself whose proved herself more entertaining, more heartfelt, and more beautiful than meets the eye. I wouldn’t say she’s done growing, but whether it’s the knowledge she’s gained through personal growth or fashion advice, Rarity will always share beauty.

I do MLP editorials like this and MLP episode reviews for all your MLP needs! and here’s the last three things I did, featured:

Triple Threat Review, Campfire Tales Review, and Top 10 Lost MLP Content

Also to celebrate finally finishing all members of the mane 6, take a look here to see me go through the other girls’ character arcs and other mane cast related topics:

Sunset, Pinkie, Rarity, Spike, Twilight, Starlight, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack editorials

Year of the Pony

Header Image Wouldn’t be Possible Without...

Rarity by Flizzick Fancy Rarity by RegolithX

Go check out those talented artists!

Yours Ever, R

Some thoughts on the fixxer upper concept

A while ago somebody posted an article that complained about Karamel following a fixxer-upper storyline structure and those are creepy and pretty sexist. 

Now, I actually do agree with many of these concepts. 

But what struck me about the argument was that I personally differentiate between: 

1.) Fixxer Upper

2.) Lovable oaf

3.) Badboy redeemed

(and lovable/angsty badboy)

For example, I don’t see Homer Simpson and most of the “Sitcom where the wife is attractive and the husband is not” as fixxer uppers. Because I don’t think that the Homer is ever going to change. The implication to me is more that Homer has a (in his case huuuuuuge) set of unappealing and awful traits, but he has some traits that Marge likes and that in her hand make up for it. [or: Homer “changes” mostly in such that the writers sometimes throw in a nicer episode because they worry the watchers will get sick of it, note, I haven’t watched the Simpsons regularly anymore for ages, maybe my info is outdated]

The “friendly” version lovable idiot is probably something like “accept people who they are” or “we are all flawed” etc. 

As for the difference between fixxer upper and badboy redeemed. I guess I would say the gravity of the crimes? And that badboy redeemed maybe has a bigger focus on paying for your sins versus changing? Or a bigger focus on “only she understands his real pain”. 

I actually find most of these elements are at least so far relatively absent in Karamel and if they exist, they are not a huge focus. (like Kara doesn’t spend a ton of time trying to understand Mon-El’s manpain and cuddling him over it, or at least not on screen)

Anyway, I think one aspect is the different treatment of crimes versus habits. In society if you commit a murder you are expected to go to jail. We can talk very long and detail about the philosophy of jail, but let’s agree that in the public consciousness this is often thought of as “paying” for you crime. (in fandom paying usually comes in a bunch of different forms, having bad things happen to you and suffering (karma justice/paying in pain, sometimes bleeding over bad childhood as both payment and excuse), trying to do good things to “make up for it”, direct compensation to the people who you have hurt, forgiveness from the people you have hurt) 

But you don’t “pay” for chewing with your mouth open (well at least I hope you don’t). You just either learn to stop it or you don’t.   

The other thing about fixxer upper, or rather what I picture under fixxer upper is that: 

1.) Fixxer uppers are imo relatively frequent in real life

2.) Fixxer uppers are by comparison imo relatively rare in fiction

3.) I personally believe the main reason for 2 is because men really hate fixxer upper as a concept 

Again, I do think that fixxer upper as a concept are is based on sexist ideas about roles. I think it is best personified by the saying “Women marry a guy hoping they can change him, men marry a woman hoping that she will never change” (ie never gain weight, never get a better job, never want less sex than before, never have less time for him) 

It’s this whole idea that women have to do all the impressing work upfront or that relationships are more front loaded for men (ie the good parts are the beginning and it goes downhill from there). Excluding the idea that there for example might be non-domestic women or men who really do get something out of domesticity. 

I think the male perspective on the fixxer upper is the vision of the nagging shrew who always tries to push you into things you don’t want and can’t just let you live in peace and accept you who you are. I think we see a slightly sanitized version of this in the various “men who never want to grow up” comedies, where the women are portrayed as spoilsports but maybe with some underlying “okay, maybe she is kinda sorta right in principle, I have to grow up eventually”. 

In real life the fixxer upper relationships I’ve seen usually centered around: 

1.) Losing weight

2.) Eating more healthy

3.) Dressing better

4.) Getting rid of sucky friends

5.) Getting a job

6.) Asking for a promotion 

(so this is what I’m picturing when somebody says fixxer upper, more like the slobby guy, the “well he is not as fit or well dressed or rich as I would like him to be, but those things I can fix”, and not the wifebeater/drug addict/5th stint in jail guy and his handwringing long suffering wife)

I can’t say how happy or unhappy these real life fixxer uppers are, though a decent amount of them seem to last a decent amount of time, and at least some women come off almost if they are bragging about it, almost like it is some kind of hobby. 

In real life I always kind of fascinating because in real life the joke on this is often that men have to be molded/have no will of their own (like jokes that one has to unlearn him any bad habits that his mother or last girlfriend taught him or jokes that the previous girlfriend did a good job in breaking him in). Which again I think is the reason why men don’t really care for seeing this portrayed in fiction. 

So the female negative perspective on Fixxer Upper is that it means that good women have to marry slobs and improve them because men are not taught to fix themselves up for relationships to the same extent as women are and the male perspective is something like that women are shrews who care about the wrong things, don’t accept you for who you are, and always try to push you into a direction you don’t want. 

In real life I suspect men go into this because well, most of these things are usually can be argued to have some sort of benefit or are not too end of the world awful. 

I’m guessing the romanticized version of fixxer upper from the women’s side is that she isn’t really forcing him into it, that he has this inner need anyway. 

And I guess the romanticized version from the man’s POV is supposed to be that somebody saw their true potential and supported them all the way through. (kind of like a slightly more down to earth “chosen one” narrative, based on this idea that most normal people probably at least sometimes feel that they are wasting their potential, but procrastination or maybe even self confidence is a hard thing to shake). 

Which brings me to another aspect, namely that fixxer upper as a construct is like really taboo in real life when it goes into the other direction. A woman wanting her boyfriend to lose weight is her caring about his health. A man wanting his girlfriend to lose weight makes him an horrible shallow person. Because we trust women to not just be superficial and visually oriented and to be nurturing, but we don’t trust men to be the same. Because for a woman to be beautiful has a very different meaning and value in a social context than it has for a man. And because for a long time the tools men had to try to affect their spouse’s life were very different than the other way around (like the man having the right to decide whether the woman can have a job or a bank account). 

The original article also talked about, what about the other side. What about female fixxer uppers? 

I think there are male fantasy versions that are kind of related to this concept. I think the male version of fixxer upper/badboy redeemed tends to bleed over more into a hero fantasy. It’s basically “the girl with ‘issues’”. Falling for the drug addict girl and trying to get her to come clean. Falling for the girl whose boyfriend beats her and always goes back to him (bleeding into nice guy (tm) and “if she only came to her senses and saw that I’m so much better for her”).

So back to fixxer upper versus lovable oaf versus angsty badboy. Now I do think that there’s a reason why they tend to bleed over into each other. Because I’m sure a lot of characters are a mix between them. 

Like, most redeeming badboys probably also suffers from habits that need fixing that were responsible for him doing the crimes in the first place (I guess maybe there are some exceptions where it’s more like “basically good guy in character who did bad things in the past that he feels guilty over”, but I would put that more under “goodguy with a dark and tragic past” rather than “badboy redeemed”). So he needs to do both, unlearn the old habits and pay for the crimes. Or it might be decided that it’s wrong for the woman to try to fix a guy or at least to try and fix all habits, so in regards to those habits he turns into the lovable oaf. He still retains some bad habits, but he’s still lovable due to other traits.  

Btw, it gets further complicated that what fandom considers crimes doesn’t necessarily overlap 100% with actual crimes, like fandom tends to see cheating as a crime-crime and is much more likely to make excuses for “I was violent/murdered somebody to protect my loves ones”. It creates some interesting situations when for example cheating gets treated more like a crime that you pay for (like by being beaten up and crying a lot) rather than habit you have to fight/get rid of, with like psychological help. 

One last thing, I think both fixxer upper and badboy redeemed are often a type of power fantasy. Now this doesn’t mean that it’s good or healthy (like one can argue that this power fantasy is attractive because it comes from a person of powerless or otherwise one wouldn’t have to fantasize about it), it just means that that is what it feels like to the people who like it. Because to shape a person or to deeply affect their lives, are examples of having power over a person. 

The other example of course is people who like badboy redeemed from the perspective of the angsty badboy. I think this blends into the fantasy of the chosen one, of we know we suck/are less than our perfect selves, but then somebody comes and sees our potential and helps us develop it. It makes me wonder if this is related the other version, the one with the fixxer upper girl, being so taboo in society. That outside of some teacher/mentor relationships, the true equivalent of badboy redeemed, where the person is really shit, has give into her feelings, be rebuilt, see that they are shit and strive to become better is considered much more creepy with the genders reversed. Because we assume men are more controlling, because the mental image of a girl running to gain a guy’s approval is much more scary to us, because the push for women to take care of the changing without prompting is bigger/the criticism on fictional relationships like that would be harsher. Or maybe seeing it with a girl as the one to redeemed hits too close to home, so it is “safer” to project those feelings on a guy. 

To get back to the original topic: I think Kara/Mon-El so far shares the most traits with Fixxer Upper and fewer traits with traditional badboy redeemed. We might end up with some elements of lovable oaf, but it’s too soon to tell. 

2018 : 0527 

I’ve always had this fear of death. It can happen anytime, any day. It can happen to anyone; young, old, rich or poor. It can happen to someone who have been lying unconscious on the hospital bed, or in your sleep, or even while you’re just watching TV.

This is a letter written by Holly Butcher, who died tragically of cancer. She posted this on her Facebook before she passed away less than 24 hours later.

Holly’s message is reaching people around the world, and everyone is touched by her words, myself included.

Read on and share your thoughts with me.

“It’s a strange thing to realize and accept your mortality at 26 years young. It’s just one of those things you ignore. The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming; Until the unexpected happens. I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled and grey- most likely caused by the beautiful family (lots of kiddies) I planned on building with the love of my life. I want that so bad it hurts.

That’s the thing about life; It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right. I’m 27 now. I don’t want to go. I love my life. I am happy.. I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands.

I haven’t started this ‘note before I die’ so that death is feared – I like the fact that we are mostly ignorant to it’s inevitability.. Except when I want to talk about it and it is treated like a ‘taboo’ topic that will never happen to any of us.. That’s been a bit tough. I just want people to stop worrying so much about the small, meaningless stresses in life and try to remember that we all have the same fate after it all so do what you can to make your time feel worthy and great, minus the bullshit.

I have dropped lots of my thoughts below as I have had a lot of time to ponder life these last few months. Of course it’s the middle of the night when these random things pop in my head most!

Those times you are whinging about ridiculous things (something I have noticed so much these past few months), just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it. It’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to carry on about it and negatively effect other people’s days.

Once you do that, get out there and take a freaking big breath of that fresh Aussie air deep in your lungs, look at how blue the sky is and how green the trees are; It is so beautiful. Think how lucky you are to be able to do just that – breathe.

You might have got caught in bad traffic today, or had a bad sleep because your beautiful babies kept you awake, or your hairdresser cut your hair too short. Your new fake nails might have got a chip, your boobs are too small, or you have cellulite on your arse and your belly is wobbling. Let all that shit go.. I swear you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go. It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole. I’m watching my body waste away right before my eyes with nothing I can do about it and all I wish for now is that I could have just one more Birthday or Christmas with my family, or just one more day with my partner and dog. Just one more.

I hear people complaining about how terrible work is or about how hard it is to exercise – Be grateful you are physically able to. Work and exercise may seem like such trivial things … until your body doesn’t allow you to do either of them.

I tried to live a healthy life, in fact, that was probably my major passion. Appreciate your good health and functioning body- even if it isn’t your ideal size. Look after it and embrace how amazing it is. Move it and nourish it with fresh food. Don’t obsess over it. Remember there are more aspects to good health than the physical body.. work just as hard on finding your mental, emotional and spiritual happiness too. That way you might realize just how insignificant and unimportant having this stupidly portrayed perfect social media body really is.. While on this topic, delete any account that pops up on your news feeds that gives you any sense of feeling shit about yourself. Friend or not.. Be ruthless for your own well-being.

Be grateful for each day you don’t have pain and even the days where you are unwell with man flu, a sore back or a sprained ankle, accept it is shit but be thankful it isn’t life threatening and will go away.

Whinge less, people! .. And help each other more. Give, give, give. It is true that you gain more happiness doing things for others than doing them for yourself. I wish I did this more. Since I have been sick, I have met the most incredibly giving and kind people and been the receiver of the most thoughtful and loving words and support from my family, friends and strangers; More than I could I ever give in return. I will never forget this and will be forever grateful to all of these people.

It is a weird thing having money to spend at the end.. when you’re dying. It’s not a time you go out and buy material things that you usually would, like a new dress. It makes you think how silly it is that we think it is worth spending so much money on new clothes and ‘things’ in our lives. Buy your friend something kind instead of another dress, beauty product or jewelry for that next wedding.

1. No-one cares if you wear the same thing twice 2. It feels good. Take them out for a meal, or better yet, cook them a meal. Shout their coffee. Give/ buy them a plant, a massage or a candle and tell them you love them when you give it to them.

Value other people’s time. Don’t keep them waiting because you are shit at being on time. Get ready earlier if you are one of those people and appreciate that your friends want to share their time with you, not sit by themselves, waiting on a mate. You will gain respect too! Amen sister.

This year, our family agreed to do no presents and despite the tree looking rather sad and empty (I nearly cracked Christmas Eve!), it was so nice because people didn’t have the pressure of shopping and the effort went into writing a nice card for each other. Plus imagine my family trying to buy me a present knowing they would probably end up with it themselves.. strange! It might seem lame but those cards mean more to me than any impulse purchase could. Mind you, it was also easier to do in our house because we had no little kiddies there. Anyway, moral of the story- presents are not needed for a meaningful Christmas.

Moving on.. Use your money on experiences.. Or at least don’t miss out on experiences because you spent all your money on material shit. Put in the effort to do that day trip to the beach you keep putting off. Dip your feet in the water and dig your toes in the sand. Wet your face with salt water.

Get amongst nature. Try just enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn’t meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo.. enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else.

Random rhetorical question. Are those several hours you spend doing your hair and make up each day or to go out for one night really worth it? I’ve never understood this about females.

Get up early sometimes and listen to the birds while you watch the beautiful colours the sun makes as it rises.

Listen to music.. really listen. Music is therapy. Old is best.

Cuddle your dog. Far out, I will miss that.

Talk to your friends. Put down your phone. Are they doing okay?

Work to live, don’t live to work.

Seriously, do what makes your heart feel happy. Eat the cake. Zero guilt.

Say no to things you really don’t want to do. Don’t feel pressured to do what other people might think is a fulfilling life.. you might want a mediocre life and that is so okay!

Tell your loved ones you love them every time you get the chance and love them with everything you have.

Also, remember if something is making you miserable, you do have the power to change it – in work or love or whatever it may be. Have the guts to change. You don’t know how much time you’ve got on this earth so don’t waste it being miserable. I know that is said all the time but it couldn’t be more true.

Anyway, that’s just this one young gals life advice. Take it or leave it, I don’t mind!

Oh and one last thing, if you can, do a good deed for humanity (and myself) and start regularly donating blood. It will make you feel good with the added bonus of saving lives. I feel like it is something that is so overlooked considering every donation can save 3 lives! That is a massive impact each person can have and the process really is so simple. Blood donation (more bags than I could keep up with counting) helped keep me alive for an extra year – a year I will be forever grateful that I got to spend it here on Earth with my family, friends and dog. A year I had some of the greatest times of my life.

..’Til we meet again.

- Hol

A bit of life advice from Hol:

It’s a strange thing to realise and accept your mortality at 26 years young. It’s just one of those things you ignore. The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming; Until the unexpected happens. I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled and grey- most likely caused by the beautiful family (lots of kiddies) I planned on building with the love of my life. I want that so bad it hurts.

That’s the thing about life; It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right.

I’m 27 now. I don’t want to go. I love my life. I am happy.. I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands.

I haven’t started this ‘note before I die’ so that death is feared - I like the fact that we are mostly ignorant to it’s inevitability.. Except when I want to talk about it and it is treated like a ‘taboo’ topic that will never happen to any of us.. That’s been a bit tough. I just want people to stop worrying so much about the small, meaningless stresses in life and try to remember that we all have the same fate after it all so do what you can to make your time feel worthy and great, minus the bullshit.

I have dropped lots of my thoughts below as I have had a lot of time to ponder life these last few months. Of course it’s the middle of the night when these random things pop in my head most!

Those times you are whinging about ridiculous things (something I have noticed so much these past few months), just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it. It’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to carry on about it and negatively effect other people’s days.

Once you do that, get out there and take a freaking big breath of that fresh Aussie air deep in your lungs, look at how blue the sky is and how green the trees are; It is so beautiful. Think how lucky you are to be able to do just that - breathe.

You might have got caught in bad traffic today, or had a bad sleep because your beautiful babies kept you awake, or your hairdresser cut your hair too short. Your new fake nails might have got a chip, your boobs are too small, or you have cellulite on your arse and your belly is wobbling.

Let all that shit go.. I swear you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go. It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole. I’m watching my body waste away right before my eyes with nothing I can do about it and all I wish for now is that I could have just one more Birthday or Christmas with my family, or just one more day with my partner and dog. Just one more.

I hear people complaining about how terrible work is or about how hard it is to exercise - Be grateful you are physically able to. Work and exercise may seem like such trivial things ... until your body doesn’t allow you to do either of them.

I tried to live a healthy life, in fact, that was probably my major passion. Appreciate your good health and functioning body- even if it isn’t your ideal size. Look after it and embrace how amazing it is. Move it and nourish it with fresh food. Don’t obsess over it.

Remember there are more aspects to good health than the physical body.. work just as hard on finding your mental, emotional and spiritual happiness too. That way you might realise just how insignificant and unimportant having this stupidly portrayed perfect social media body really is.. While on this topic, delete any account that pops up on your news feeds that gives you any sense of feeling shit about yourself. Friend or not.. Be ruthless for your own well-being.

Be grateful for each day you don’t have pain and even the days where you are unwell with man flu, a sore back or a sprained ankle, accept it is shit but be thankful it isn’t life threatening and will go away.

Whinge less, people! .. And help each other more.

Give, give, give. It is true that you gain more happiness doing things for others than doing them for yourself. I wish I did this more. Since I have been sick, I have met the most incredibly giving and kind people and been the receiver of the most thoughtful and loving words and support from my family, friends and strangers; More than I could I ever give in return. I will never forget this and will be forever grateful to all of these people.

It is a weird thing having money to spend at the end.. when you’re dying. It’s not a time you go out and buy material things that you usually would, like a new dress. It makes you think how silly it is that we think it is worth spending so much money on new clothes and ‘things’ in our lives.

Buy your friend something kind instead of another dress, beauty product or jewellery for that next wedding. 1. No-one cares if you wear the same thing twice 2. It feels good. Take them out for a meal, or better yet, cook them a meal. Shout their coffee. Give/ buy them a plant, a massage or a candle and tell them you love them when you give it to them.

Value other people’s time. Don’t keep them waiting because you are shit at being on time. Get ready earlier if you are one of those people and appreciate that your friends want to share their time with you, not sit by themselves, waiting on a mate. You will gain respect too! Amen sister.

This year, our family agreed to do no presents and despite the tree looking rather sad and empty (I nearly cracked Christmas Eve!), it was so nice because people didn’t have the pressure of shopping and the effort went into writing a nice card for each other. Plus imagine my family trying to buy me a present knowing they would probably end up with it themselves.. strange! It might seem lame but those cards mean more to me than any impulse purchase could. Mind you, it was also easier to do in our house because we had no little kiddies there. Anyway, moral of the story- presents are not needed for a meaningful Christmas. Moving on.

Use your money on experiences.. Or at least don’t miss out on experiences because you spent all your money on material shit.

Put in the effort to do that day trip to the beach you keep putting off. Dip your feet in the water and dig your toes in the sand. Wet your face with salt water.

Get amongst nature.

Try just enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn’t meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo.. enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else.

Random rhetorical question. Are those several hours you spend doing your hair and make up each day or to go out for one night really worth it? I’ve never understood this about females 🤔.

Get up early sometimes and listen to the birds while you watch the beautiful colours the sun makes as it rises.

Listen to music.. really listen. Music is therapy. Old is best.

Cuddle your dog. Far out, I will miss that.

Talk to your friends. Put down your phone. Are they doing okay?

Travel if it’s your desire, don’t if it’s not.

Work to live, don’t live to work.

Seriously, do what makes your heart feel happy.

Eat the cake. Zero guilt.

Say no to things you really don’t want to do.

Don’t feel pressured to do what other people might think is a fulfilling life.. you might want a mediocre life and that is so okay.

Tell your loved ones you love them every time you get the chance and love them with everything you have.

Also, remember if something is making you miserable, you do have the power to change it - in work or love or whatever it may be. Have the guts to change. You don’t know how much time you’ve got on this earth so don’t waste it being miserable. I know that is said all the time but it couldn’t be more true.

Anyway, that’s just this one young gals life advice. Take it or leave it, I don’t mind!

Oh and one last thing, if you can, do a good deed for humanity (and myself) and start regularly donating blood. It will make you feel good with the added bonus of saving lives. I feel like it is something that is so overlooked considering every donation can save 3 lives! That is a massive impact each person can have and the process really is so simple.

Blood donation (more bags than I could keep up with counting) helped keep me alive for an extra year - a year I will be forever grateful that I got to spend it here on Earth with my family, friends and dog. A year I had some of the greatest times of my life.

..’Til we meet again.

Hol

Xoxo

Letter From 27-Year-Old On Her Deathbed Will Change Your View Of Life | Fort Smith/Fayetteville News

New Post has been published on https://www.anblogger.com/letter-from-27-year-old-on-her-deathbed-will-change-your-view-of-life-fort-smith-fayetteville-news/

Letter From 27-Year-Old On Her Deathbed Will Change Your View Of Life | Fort Smith/Fayetteville News

NEW SOUTH WALES, Australia – People across the globe are reacting to a heartbreaking, inspiring letter written by a 27-year-old Australian woman while on her deathbed.

Holly Butcher died last week after battling Ewing’s sarcoma, a rare form of cancer that affects mostly young people, News.com.au reports. But before her death, she wrote a letter, and she instructed her family to post it on her Facebook account once she passed away.

In the letter, she reveals what it’s like to come to terms with death at such a young age.

“It’s a strange thing to realise and accept your mortality at 26 years young,” Butcher wrote. “It’s just one of those things you ignore. The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming; until the unexpected happens.”

Holly goes on to share her advice for living life to the fullest, including not worrying about little things and focusing on moments with family and friends.

“You might have got caught in bad traffic today, or had a bad sleep because your beautiful babies kept you awake, or your hairdresser cut your hair too short. Your new fake nails might have got a chip, your boobs are too small, or you have cellulite on your arse and your belly is wobbling.

Let all that s*** go.. I swear you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go. It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole.”

Butcher’s family posted her letter on her Facebook page last Wednesday, and it has already gotten over 120,000 shares. People from around the world have commented, many thanking Holly for her words, some telling their own stories of relatives or friends lost to cancer and others tagging people to pass the letter on.

It’s a strange thing to realise and accept your mortality at 26 years young. It’s just one of those things you ignore. The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming; Until the unexpected happens. I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled and grey- most likely caused by the beautiful family (lots of kiddies) I planned on building with the love of my life. I want that so bad it hurts.

That’s the thing about life; It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right.

I’m 27 now. I don’t want to go. I love my life. I am happy.. I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands.

I haven’t started this ‘note before I die’ so that death is feared – I like the fact that we are mostly ignorant to it’s inevitability.. Except when I want to talk about it and it is treated like a ‘taboo’ topic that will never happen to any of us.. That’s been a bit tough. I just want people to stop worrying so much about the small, meaningless stresses in life and try to remember that we all have the same fate after it all so do what you can to make your time feel worthy and great, minus the bulls***.

I have dropped lots of my thoughts below as I have had a lot of time to ponder life these last few months. Of course it’s the middle of the night when these random things pop in my head most!

Those times you are whinging about ridiculous things (something I have noticed so much these past few months), just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it. It’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to carry on about it and negatively effect other people’s days.

Once you do that, get out there and take a freaking big breath of that fresh Aussie air deep in your lungs, look at how blue the sky is and how green the trees are; It is so beautiful. Think how lucky you are to be able to do just that – breathe.

You might have got caught in bad traffic today, or had a bad sleep because your beautiful babies kept you awake, or your hairdresser cut your hair too short. Your new fake nails might have got a chip, your boobs are too small, or you have cellulite on your arse and your belly is wobbling.

Let all that s*** go.. I swear you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go. It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole. I’m watching my body waste away right before my eyes with nothing I can do about it and all I wish for now is that I could have just one more Birthday or Christmas with my family, or just one more day with my partner and dog. Just one more.

I hear people complaining about how terrible work is or about how hard it is to exercise – Be grateful you are physically able to. Work and exercise may seem like such trivial things … until your body doesn’t allow you to do either of them.

I tried to live a healthy life, in fact, that was probably my major passion. Appreciate your good health and functioning body- even if it isn’t your ideal size. Look after it and embrace how amazing it is. Move it and nourish it with fresh food. Don’t obsess over it.

Remember there are more aspects to good health than the physical body.. work just as hard on finding your mental, emotional and spiritual happiness too. That way you might realise just how insignificant and unimportant having this stupidly portrayed perfect social media body really is.. While on this topic, delete any account that pops up on your news feeds that gives you any sense of feeling s*** about yourself. Friend or not.. Be ruthless for your own well-being.

Be grateful for each day you don’t have pain and even the days where you are unwell with man flu, a sore back or a sprained ankle, accept it is s*** but be thankful it isn’t life threatening and will go away.

Whinge (complain) less, people! .. And help each other more.

Give, give, give. It is true that you gain more happiness doing things for others than doing them for yourself. I wish I did this more. Since I have been sick, I have met the most incredibly giving and kind people and been the receiver of the most thoughtful and loving words and support from my family, friends and strangers; More than I could I ever give in return. I will never forget this and will be forever grateful to all of these people.

It is a weird thing having money to spend at the end.. when you’re dying. It’s not a time you go out and buy material things that you usually would, like a new dress. It makes you think how silly it is that we think it is worth spending so much money on new clothes and ‘things’ in our lives.

Buy your friend something kind instead of another dress, beauty product or jewellery for that next wedding. 1. No-one cares if you wear the same thing twice 2. It feels good. Take them out for a meal, or better yet, cook them a meal. Shout their coffee. Give/ buy them a plant, a massage or a candle and tell them you love them when you give it to them.

Value other people’s time. Don’t keep them waiting because you are s*** at being on time. Get ready earlier if you are one of those people and appreciate that your friends want to share their time with you, not sit by themselves, waiting on a mate. You will gain respect too! Amen sister.

This year, our family agreed to do no presents and despite the tree looking rather sad and empty (I nearly cracked Christmas Eve!), it was so nice because people didn’t have the pressure of shopping and the effort went into writing a nice card for each other. Plus imagine my family trying to buy me a present knowing they would probably end up with it themselves.. strange! It might seem lame but those cards mean more to me than any impulse purchase could. Mind you, it was also easier to do in our house because we had no little kiddies there. Anyway, moral of the story- presents are not needed for a meaningful Christmas. Moving on.

Use your money on experiences.. Or at least don’t miss out on experiences because you spent all your money on material s***.

Put in the effort to do that day trip to the beach you keep putting off. Dip your feet in the water and dig your toes in the sand. Wet your face with salt water.

Get amongst nature.

Try just enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn’t meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo.. enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else.

Random rhetorical question. Are those several hours you spend doing your hair and make up each day or to go out for one night really worth it? I’ve never understood this about females 🤔.

Get up early sometimes and listen to the birds while you watch the beautiful colours the sun makes as it rises.

Listen to music.. really listen. Music is therapy. Old is best.

Cuddle your dog. Far out, I will miss that.

Talk to your friends. Put down your phone. Are they doing okay?

Travel if it’s your desire, don’t if it’s not.

Work to live, don’t live to work.

Seriously, do what makes your heart feel happy.

Eat the cake. Zero guilt.

Say no to things you really don’t want to do.

Don’t feel pressured to do what other people might think is a fulfilling life.. you might want a mediocre life and that is so okay.

Tell your loved ones you love them every time you get the chance and love them with everything you have.

Also, remember if something is making you miserable, you do have the power to change it – in work or love or whatever it may be. Have the guts to change. You don’t know how much time you’ve got on this earth so don’t waste it being miserable. I know that is said all the time but it couldn’t be more true.

Anyway, that’s just this one young gals life advice. Take it or leave it, I don’t mind!

Oh and one last thing, if you can, do a good deed for humanity (and myself) and start regularly donating blood. It will make you feel good with the added bonus of saving lives. I feel like it is something that is so overlooked considering every donation can save 3 lives! That is a massive impact each person can have and the process really is so simple.

Blood donation (more bags than I could keep up with counting) helped keep me alive for an extra year – a year I will be forever grateful that I got to spend it here on Earth with my family, friends and dog. A year I had some of the greatest times of my life.

A bit of life advice from Hol:

“A bit of life advice from Hol:

It’s a strange thing to realise and accept your mortality at 26 years young. It’s just one of those things you ignore. The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming; Until the unexpected happens. I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled and grey- most likely caused by the beautiful family (lots of kiddies) I planned on building with the love of my life. I want that so bad it hurts.

That’s the thing about life; It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right.

I’m 27 now. I don’t want to go. I love my life. I am happy.. I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands.

I haven’t started this ‘note before I die’ so that death is feared - I like the fact that we are mostly ignorant to it’s inevitability.. Except when I want to talk about it and it is treated like a ‘taboo’ topic that will never happen to any of us.. That’s been a bit tough. I just want people to stop worrying so much about the small, meaningless stresses in life and try to remember that we all have the same fate after it all so do what you can to make your time feel worthy and great, minus the bullshit.

I have dropped lots of my thoughts below as I have had a lot of time to ponder life these last few months. Of course it’s the middle of the night when these random things pop in my head most!

Those times you are whinging about ridiculous things (something I have noticed so much these past few months), just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it. It’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to carry on about it and negatively effect other people’s days.

Once you do that, get out there and take a freaking big breath of that fresh Aussie air deep in your lungs, look at how blue the sky is and how green the trees are; It is so beautiful. Think how lucky you are to be able to do just that - breathe.

You might have got caught in bad traffic today, or had a bad sleep because your beautiful babies kept you awake, or your hairdresser cut your hair too short. Your new fake nails might have got a chip, your boobs are too small, or you have cellulite on your arse and your belly is wobbling.

Let all that shit go.. I swear you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go. It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole. I’m watching my body waste away right before my eyes with nothing I can do about it and all I wish for now is that I could have just one more Birthday or Christmas with my family, or just one more day with my partner and dog. Just one more.

I hear people complaining about how terrible work is or about how hard it is to exercise - Be grateful you are physically able to. Work and exercise may seem like such trivial things ... until your body doesn’t allow you to do either of them.

I tried to live a healthy life, in fact, that was probably my major passion. Appreciate your good health and functioning body- even if it isn’t your ideal size. Look after it and embrace how amazing it is. Move it and nourish it with fresh food. Don’t obsess over it.

Remember there are more aspects to good health than the physical body.. work just as hard on finding your mental, emotional and spiritual happiness too. That way you might realise just how insignificant and unimportant having this stupidly portrayed perfect social media body really is.. While on this topic, delete any account that pops up on your news feeds that gives you any sense of feeling shit about yourself. Friend or not.. Be ruthless for your own well-being.

Be grateful for each day you don’t have pain and even the days where you are unwell with man flu, a sore back or a sprained ankle, accept it is shit but be thankful it isn’t life threatening and will go away.

Whinge less, people! .. And help each other more.

Give, give, give. It is true that you gain more happiness doing things for others than doing them for yourself. I wish I did this more. Since I have been sick, I have met the most incredibly giving and kind people and been the receiver of the most thoughtful and loving words and support from my family, friends and strangers; More than I could I ever give in return. I will never forget this and will be forever grateful to all of these people.

It is a weird thing having money to spend at the end.. when you’re dying. It’s not a time you go out and buy material things that you usually would, like a new dress. It makes you think how silly it is that we think it is worth spending so much money on new clothes and ‘things’ in our lives.

Buy your friend something kind instead of another dress, beauty product or jewellery for that next wedding. 1. No-one cares if you wear the same thing twice 2. It feels good. Take them out for a meal, or better yet, cook them a meal. Shout their coffee. Give/ buy them a plant, a massage or a candle and tell them you love them when you give it to them.

Value other people’s time. Don’t keep them waiting because you are shit at being on time. Get ready earlier if you are one of those people and appreciate that your friends want to share their time with you, not sit by themselves, waiting on a mate. You will gain respect too! Amen sister.

This year, our family agreed to do no presents and despite the tree looking rather sad and empty (I nearly cracked Christmas Eve!), it was so nice because people didn’t have the pressure of shopping and the effort went into writing a nice card for each other. Plus imagine my family trying to buy me a present knowing they would probably end up with it themselves.. strange! It might seem lame but those cards mean more to me than any impulse purchase could. Mind you, it was also easier to do in our house because we had no little kiddies there. Anyway, moral of the story- presents are not needed for a meaningful Christmas. Moving on.

Use your money on experiences.. Or at least don’t miss out on experiences because you spent all your money on material shit.

Put in the effort to do that day trip to the beach you keep putting off. Dip your feet in the water and dig your toes in the sand. Wet your face with salt water.

Get amongst nature.

Try just enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn’t meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo.. enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else.

Random rhetorical question. Are those several hours you spend doing your hair and make up each day or to go out for one night really worth it? I’ve never understood this about females .

Get up early sometimes and listen to the birds while you watch the beautiful colours the sun makes as it rises.

Listen to music.. really listen. Music is therapy. Old is best.

Cuddle your dog. Far out, I will miss that.

Talk to your friends. Put down your phone. Are they doing okay?

Travel if it’s your desire, don’t if it’s not.

Work to live, don’t live to work.

Seriously, do what makes your heart feel happy.

Eat the cake. Zero guilt.

Say no to things you really don’t want to do.

Don’t feel pressured to do what other people might think is a fulfilling life.. you might want a mediocre life and that is so okay.

Tell your loved ones you love them every time you get the chance and love them with everything you have.

Also, remember if something is making you miserable, you do have the power to change it - in work or love or whatever it may be. Have the guts to change. You don’t know how much time you’ve got on this earth so don’t waste it being miserable. I know that is said all the time but it couldn’t be more true.

Anyway, that’s just this one young gals life advice. Take it or leave it, I don’t mind!

Oh and one last thing, if you can, do a good deed for humanity (and myself) and start regularly donating blood. It will make you feel good with the added bonus of saving lives. I feel like it is something that is so overlooked considering every donation can save 3 lives! That is a massive impact each person can have and the process really is so simple.

Blood donation (more bags than I could keep up with counting) helped keep me alive for an extra year - a year I will be forever grateful that I got to spend it here on Earth with my family, friends and dog. A year I had some of the greatest times of my life.

..’Til we meet again.

Hol

Xoxo

Sent from my iPad”

A Day Before Her Death, This 27-Year-Old Wrote A Letter, And It May Change Your Life Forever

“A bit of life advice from Hol:

It’s a strange thing to realise and accept your mortality at 26 years young. It’s just one of those things you ignore. The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming; Until the unexpected happens. I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled and grey- most likely caused by the beautiful family (lots of kiddies) I planned on building with the love of my life. I want that so bad it hurts.

That’s the thing about life; It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right.

I’m 27 now. I don’t want to go. I love my life. I am happy.. I owe that to my loved ones. But the control is out of my hands.

I haven’t started this ‘note before I die’ so that death is feared - I like the fact that we are mostly ignorant to it’s inevitability.. Except when I want to talk about it and it is treated like a ‘taboo’ topic that will never happen to any of us.. That’s been a bit tough. I just want people to stop worrying so much about the small, meaningless stresses in life and try to remember that we all have the same fate after it all so do what you can to make your time feel worthy and great, minus the bullshit.

I have dropped lots of my thoughts below as I have had a lot of time to ponder life these last few months. Of course it’s the middle of the night when these random things pop in my head most!

Those times you are whinging about ridiculous things (something I have noticed so much these past few months), just think about someone who is really facing a problem. Be grateful for your minor issue and get over it. It’s okay to acknowledge that something is annoying but try not to carry on about it and negatively effect other people’s days.

Once you do that, get out there and take a freaking big breath of that fresh Aussie air deep in your lungs, look at how blue the sky is and how green the trees are; It is so beautiful. Think how lucky you are to be able to do just that - breathe.

You might have got caught in bad traffic today, or had a bad sleep because your beautiful babies kept you awake, or your hairdresser cut your hair too short. Your new fake nails might have got a chip, your boobs are too small, or you have cellulite on your arse and your belly is wobbling.

Let all that shit go.. I swear you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go. It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole. I’m watching my body waste away right before my eyes with nothing I can do about it and all I wish for now is that I could have just one more Birthday or Christmas with my family, or just one more day with my partner and dog. Just one more.

I hear people complaining about how terrible work is or about how hard it is to exercise - Be grateful you are physically able to. Work and exercise may seem like such trivial things ... until your body doesn’t allow you to do either of them.

I tried to live a healthy life, in fact, that was probably my major passion. Appreciate your good health and functioning body- even if it isn’t your ideal size. Look after it and embrace how amazing it is. Move it and nourish it with fresh food. Don’t obsess over it.

Remember there are more aspects to good health than the physical body.. work just as hard on finding your mental, emotional and spiritual happiness too. That way you might realise just how insignificant and unimportant having this stupidly portrayed perfect social media body really is.. While on this topic, delete any account that pops up on your news feeds that gives you any sense of feeling shit about yourself. Friend or not.. Be ruthless for your own well-being.

Be grateful for each day you don’t have pain and even the days where you are unwell with man flu, a sore back or a sprained ankle, accept it is shit but be thankful it isn’t life threatening and will go away.

Whinge less, people! .. And help each other more.

Give, give, give. It is true that you gain more happiness doing things for others than doing them for yourself. I wish I did this more. Since I have been sick, I have met the most incredibly giving and kind people and been the receiver of the most thoughtful and loving words and support from my family, friends and strangers; More than I could I ever give in return. I will never forget this and will be forever grateful to all of these people.

It is a weird thing having money to spend at the end.. when you’re dying. It’s not a time you go out and buy material things that you usually would, like a new dress. It makes you think how silly it is that we think it is worth spending so much money on new clothes and ‘things’ in our lives.

Buy your friend something kind instead of another dress, beauty product or jewellery for that next wedding. 1. No-one cares if you wear the same thing twice 2. It feels good. Take them out for a meal, or better yet, cook them a meal. Shout their coffee. Give/ buy them a plant, a massage or a candle and tell them you love them when you give it to them.

Value other people’s time. Don’t keep them waiting because you are shit at being on time. Get ready earlier if you are one of those people and appreciate that your friends want to share their time with you, not sit by themselves, waiting on a mate. You will gain respect too! Amen sister.

This year, our family agreed to do no presents and despite the tree looking rather sad and empty (I nearly cracked Christmas Eve!), it was so nice because people didn’t have the pressure of shopping and the effort went into writing a nice card for each other. Plus imagine my family trying to buy me a present knowing they would probably end up with it themselves.. strange! It might seem lame but those cards mean more to me than any impulse purchase could. Mind you, it was also easier to do in our house because we had no little kiddies there. Anyway, moral of the story- presents are not needed for a meaningful Christmas. Moving on.

Use your money on experiences.. Or at least don’t miss out on experiences because you spent all your money on material shit.

Put in the effort to do that day trip to the beach you keep putting off. Dip your feet in the water and dig your toes in the sand. Wet your face with salt water.

Get amongst nature.

Try just enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn’t meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo.. enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else.

Random rhetorical question. Are those several hours you spend doing your hair and make up each day or to go out for one night really worth it? I’ve never understood this about females 🤔.

Get up early sometimes and listen to the birds while you watch the beautiful colours the sun makes as it rises.

Listen to music.. really listen. Music is therapy. Old is best.

Cuddle your dog. Far out, I will miss that.

Talk to your friends. Put down your phone. Are they doing okay?

Travel if it’s your desire, don’t if it’s not.

Work to live, don’t live to work.

Seriously, do what makes your heart feel happy.

Eat the cake. Zero guilt.

Say no to things you really don’t want to do.

Don’t feel pressured to do what other people might think is a fulfilling life.. you might want a mediocre life and that is so okay.

Tell your loved ones you love them every time you get the chance and love them with everything you have.

Also, remember if something is making you miserable, you do have the power to change it - in work or love or whatever it may be. Have the guts to change. You don’t know how much time you’ve got on this earth so don’t waste it being miserable. I know that is said all the time but it couldn’t be more true.

Anyway, that’s just this one young gals life advice. Take it or leave it, I don’t mind!

Oh and one last thing, if you can, do a good deed for humanity (and myself) and start regularly donating blood. It will make you feel good with the added bonus of saving lives. I feel like it is something that is so overlooked considering every donation can save 3 lives! That is a massive impact each person can have and the process really is so simple.

Blood donation (more bags than I could keep up with counting) helped keep me alive for an extra year - a year I will be forever grateful that I got to spend it here on Earth with my family, friends and dog. A year I had some of the greatest times of my life.

..’Til we meet again.

Hol

Xoxo”

https://www.boredpanda.com/27-year-old-cancer-dying-letter-holly-butcher/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=3amt