Weep, little lion man, you’re not as brave as you were at the start.

Mathieu (“Mattie”) W. Kirkland, 16. He was the one and only Spider-Man for just under a year before tragedy struck his family, causing him to step down.

I shared the WIP, so here’s the “final” version :)

Click to view the image properly

Oh gosh, never in my life I thought i'd do something like that but unfortunately we're surrounded by immature and ignorant people in this world and some of them better seek therapy.

*big sigh* let's begin!

You Captdelusional and your minions are so damn ridiculous words can't even explain. The way I'm feeling second hand embarrassement. Can't believe you made a whole post "are you still a CE fan" and captioned it "that's what you got when you do PR instead of acting classes" that's so sad because you're a grown woman and act like a 10 years old and I'm being generous here.

Not to mention how you and your minions think tumblr is the only platform ever where he has fans 🤣🤣🤣 and the way you're so proud of yourself for obtaining only 220 replies as if it makes a whole fandom when it's not even half of it, but guess math is not your thing either. Careful, ignorance is showing 👀 and btw, somone who gets called "best part of the movie" by the gp and got preached by one of the best directors in the industry for his performances and people literally regret his departure from a franchise does not need "acting classes" (unless you're referring to someone else I won't name) I get that you're hurt but at least avoid saying bs for your sake. But since you act like a kid and put your fave on a pedestal , I'll do the same and reveal you that me and a good chunk of people prefer his acting over your fave which is always the same thing, kinda annoying yk? To get hooked on a character, we need truthfulness, spontaneity. Not repeating the script as it is. It just shows to me that "fans" like you can't recognize talent and it makes me laugh that you even dare to judge. Poor clown.

To each their own, ig? Anyway, sorry to break it to you and your other delusional minions but that A lister and I repeat A lister as you probably think actors come down of their position when they do sth that you don't like 😭 still has million of fans all over the platforms: X, tiktok, ig, reddit, tumblr, you name it but of course for y'all with a very low IQ only tumblr and IG exist. How ironic.

You know what else is so funny and ridiculous at the same time? before he ended up in this "pr" as you call it (which we don't know the reason and you act all almighty bec you think you have contacts in the industry but you don't even know that Hollywood force celebs to do worse things than PRs like parties with p*dophiles where your fave willing or unwilling participate in. or you think he's a saint 😇 lmao) you were all drooling over him like sl*ts. Immaturity showing big time. Clowns.

And btw, funny how you muted replies and reblogs so that no one could call you out, too bad I found a way... Finally, y'all need to stop infantalize grown up woman who can pay bills and make decisions for herselves like to have a family with grown up men who don't even care about your opinions. Wake up kids, it's 2024 and you still can't distinguish an adult woman from a kid. What now, looks? now bec someone is blessed with youthful looks can't get married bec she will always look like a "kid"? oh please, y'all need therapy and you need it asap! "child bride" you know there actual child brides (unfortunately) or your very low IQ can't get you think about it ? 🤔 stop calling "child brides" literally adults, that's disgusting and makes you a low person and a disgusting cr*ep.

GROW TF UP! At your age you should focus on work, family and your partner, if you even have one but I doubt it because with people like you no one would ever want to spend a dime on. Let alone be with you. And before you wonder, I'm no team this nor team that, I'm just patiently waiting for it to end but immature and delusional people like you showing up on my dashboard makes it all difficult.

I Don’t Understand Buck Begins.

PSA this is a bit of rant. Not a hate-rant or anything like that, but I do express frustration and if you’re not here for that right now, please skip this. It is complicated and ended upa bit long. But if you’re up for it, I’d LOVE to know your thoughts.

I actually want to talk about this with people. I’m not here to drop a statement like a microphone and walk away. The first time I watched Buck Begins, I loved it. I still do. But as I think back on it and rewatch, there are some major issues I’m spotting:

1. Buck in his whole life has been endangering himself in order to get the attention (dare I say LOVE) of those around him. I feel like the Firefam’s (very OOC) responses to him recklessly endangering himself again only enforced these destructive habits?

2. Firefam’s OOC reaction: In literally every other episode, when Buck recklessly endangers himself the firefam immediately put the brakes on, tell Buck to treasure himself, not to be reckless, to think things through, to realize that the victim got out because of sheer good luck (as well as hair-brained thinking on Buck’s part, but some of Buck’s decision making also really endangered him, more on that later.) The fact that Bobby let Buck work that fire at all in the state of mind he was in is odd. The fact that Hen told him he was for whatever reason correct in choosing to split from the party and go on his own in his current state of mind was beyond odd. Looking back, it doesn’t feel like real moments, but rather contrivances dressed in nice words like “I don’t this often but you’re right” (NO HE’S F**KING NOT!!) so that we wouldn’t question them immediately. Was Buck correct that the other team needed anotehr man? Yeah. Was he right that it should be him? NOPE. Anyone could see that, we could see that, the Firefam could see that. but they let him go anyway. This is OOC, they’re smarter than that, and they’ve known Buck for long enough to know when he’s triggered and more likely to make poor decisions. During it, when Buck disobeys orders and Bobby is calmly just like “Yeah he does that sometimes.” I’m sorry, did someone put Xanax in Bobby’s coffee? Why on earth would he be so calm?? In a normal situation he would never be calm about that--add to it the fact that he KNEW Buck wasn’t at his most stable at the moment? He should have been shouting into his radio and hauling ass, not shrgging and smiling with pride like “Yup! It’s cool with me” like what?? Then afterward, nothing but kind words and praise. Good job risking your life like an idiot, good job risking the other guy because you were so determined to get him out asap you didn’t stop to think. That’s what you do, Buck. 

Like did they really just say that!?

The only nuance that I thought was right here, the only thing that was given emphasis that felt RIGHT, was not that Buck stays behind, not that he makes reckless decisions sometimes, not that he jumped into a fire while unstable, THE ONLY THING that should have been emphasized here, that the episode should have been based on? Is that BUCK DOESN’T GIVE UP. There’s a quality in him that we’ve seen before. one that Buck doesn’t seem to realize about himself. Athena’s moment was the only moment that looking back gives me any kind of cathartsis, because it is the only healthy reaction from the firefam that I saw (aside from them all running in after him--still love that moment.) they should’ve been gentle baout it, but nonetheless should’ve told Buck to treasure himself more, not be like “And here’s our most rekless memeber, pat on the back, kid, we love that you throw yourself into danger without thinking, in fact that’s what we love most about you!” Thinking back, I could SCREAM that that’s the message they left Buck with.

3. The victim: Let’s face it, the only reason the victim didn’t die is because the writers didn’t want him to. They made sure the tank landed somewhere non-fatal so that Buck could still get a win, even though many of his decisions thus far had been hare-brained and ill-advised, driven by a mad need to prove himself, and to never leave people behind, even if stopping and waiting and thinking might be more advisable at some points. In fact, when the victim first falls, and buck wakes up and he looks at him and I thought the victim was dead, first of all I was really sad for the victim, but I also felt like that was the right way to go. Buck’s decision making wasn’t sound, he wasn’t thinking straight, he went in anyway, by all rights the only reason the victim stayed alive after everything he went through was because the writers wanted him to stay alive which they followed with a big and in my opinion inappropriate Pat on the back Moment. The victim dying would’ve been tragic, but it would’ve driven home a lesson for buck, that hurting himself, endangering himself isn’t the answer, won’t always save the day. It would’ve taught Buck (harshly yes, but) that he needs to get his head  on straight in this job. And if he had lost teh victim and the firefam had been there for him anyway, it would’ve been a whole different scenario.

In the episode, while it was super sweet and had some incredible moments, Buck learns nothing, his relationship with the Firefam doesn’t actually change at all, and his relationship with his family doesn’t appear to have actually progressed. He’s still prioritizing them over himself (bringing the parents into therapy since well, they’re trying which is apparently enough now), he’s now been encouraged to continue the reckless streak of self-sacrificing decision making that he’s been on in the past in order to gain teh love and recognition of the poeple around him.

I wish the writers had placed focus, not on Buck being accepting, not on Buck being restless, but on Buck not giving up. We saw bits of that yeah, but it wasn’t as highlighted as Buck ebing reckless and feeling overall like he’s not enough. I wish the episode had been centered there, and they had created an entirely different scenario start-to-finish that (like in Eddie begins, where there were no contrivances, the only reckless thing he does--cutting the line--is something that there isn’t a quetsion in a single brain he WOULD do and should do) where Buck is level-headed, where he’s in some kind of scenario where only he could uniquely succeed in because he never gives up. This episode had bits of it here and there, but ultimately what was running teh day was buck vulnerabilities, not his strengths. Insead of pointing out where Buck shines (like the other Begins episodes), they really only further highlighted what his weaknesses are and then proceeded to have the people around him encourage those weaknesses. Like, what?!

I also think this was the moment to solidify the firefam as his family. Instead, we see Buck retreating back toward a very unhealthy family situation and the firefam remains where they always are. What they did for buck in this episode was something incredible, but it’s also something they would do for any member of the firefam. What I wanted was for the firefam to show up for Buck in a way that he uniquely needs. How, I don’t know--perhaps taking a jab at his loneliness, surprising him with a dinner party at the loft, whatever. Something that told Buck “we see your pain, we see how tough your parents are, how you and Maddie need family who will show up and treasure you no matter what (WHICH BTW INCLUDES YELING AT YOU WHEN YOU’VE BEEN AN IDIOT AND TELLING YOU TO PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF CRAP DON’T ENDANGER YOURSELF LIKE THAT AGAIN, PLEASE VALUE YOURSELF), that’s what Buck needed. An episode that would help him learn to treasure himself, believe in himself more, love the fact that he never gives up about himself, learn that dangerous stunts and running into things without thinking because he bleives that’s what gets him love is incorrect and unecessary. We didn’t get any of that. The episode was also trying to kill two birds with one stone, which brings me to my last point:

4. Framing Buck Begins around the sibling’s relationship, while GORGEOUS (seriously LOVED these moments they did and the casting was amazing, and both JLH and OS played their younger selves to perfection) I wish had been placed in a completely different episode. They didn’t belong here in an episode of Buck learning about himself. And because of the amount of airtime they took up, we ended up with an episode where Buck doesn’t really learn about himself in the end. Everything remains largely external instead of internal.

All in all, I feel like we need another Buck Begins episode to right the wrongs of this one. Nothing has been solved or fixed. Buck’s relationships remain pretty much the same going in as they do leaving. He has found no peace, no resolution (except in confirmation that Maddie loves him, which is nice, but largely external) he is still fuled by the belief that reckless behavior is what wins him teh love and attention of those around him.

This frustrates me to no end. If you feel like Buck Begins did scratch every itch for you, I’d love to talk and see your perspective as well, because I hate this itchy feeling of dissatisfaction and I dearly hope I’ve missed something here.

Anyway sorry this got so long. Didn’t realize I had QUITE so many thoughts until I started writing and then shit happened. If you made it to the end, thank youa nd I’d LOVE to hear your thoughts, whether you agree or disagree.

Glimmer your latest spice entry had me feeling so tuned on and so upset at the same time!! I loved it. But now I am gonna go read all the Obi-Wan polite vampire snippets to calm down lol.

:DDDD I feel like “turned on and upset” could be the by-line for the age/role-swap AU. I also feel like polite vampire Obi-Wan ONLY accepts enthusiastic consent, Force love him.

Anonymous said:

The anon mentioning slo AU lit up something in my brain, Spicy week stays awakening things in me!! A humble HC: the only way role swap AU gets better/worse is if it’s abo. Obi-Wan gets pregnant despite his best efforts, and Anakin burns it all down for him like canon. And his efforts to run away with Cody are thwarted by Order 66, but Anakin “saves him” leaving him nowhere else to turn...

OH MAN, YEA. That definitely makes things more fraught. I could imagine that Anakin talks about them having kids, someday, when he’s changed things. And Obi-Wan has a really bad feeling about that, but... everything falls apart anyway T_T

ALSO, SO, I mentioned writing my headcanons for this fic and it seems like that would be appealing, so I SHALL. I’m putting them under a cut, because they got LONG:

SO, I feel like Qui-Gon ends up picking up Anakin shortly after the First Xanatos Debacle. He ends up on Tatooine for whatever reason, the podrace shenanigans play out, he takes Anakin with him and is like, “The Force wants me to train this boy, he’s the Chosen One, suck it, Council.”

The Council has, collectively, a bad feeling about this, but, hey, it is what it is.

Anakin meets Palpatine shortly after coming to Coruscant. Palps obviously isn’t Chancellor yet, just the Senator from Naboo, but he does notice Anakin’s potential immediately as Dream Sith Apprentice and the grooming starts ASAP. 

Anakin spends around twelve years hearing how he’s special and the Chosen One and etc etc etc. 

And then Qui-Gon dies on Naboo, falls to a Sith lord because Anakin - despite being the Chosen One - wasn’t quite fast enough. And Anakin killed the guy, cut him in half, but his Master is still dead, he’s still left Anakin alone, and it’s not fair that he’d do that, not fair at all, Anakin can’t bear it, etc.

Anyway, Anakin broods and grieves and drifts closer to the Dark. The Council looks at the situation and is like, well, kriff. He’s refusing mind healing. Maybe… it would help if he had some companionship. He could take a Padawan. He’s always liked having someone with him, and maybe it would… be good for him. Help settle his emotions.

So, they select the youngling with the deepest connection to the Force, with a calm but implacable spirit, and they say, alright, Anakin Skywalker, meet Obi-Wan Kenobi. He’s your Padawan now. Go save some planets. Obi-Wan is around 13 at this point and fully primed to hero worship Anakin, shocked that he’s been picked to be the Chosen One’s Padawan and ready to do the best he can.

Anakin is a bit bitter about all of this for about five minutes, but he’s always gotten attached quickly and the first time Obi-Wan does something risky and selfless, he’s like WHELP. My Padawan, never sending him back to the Council, look at him, he’s perfect. He’s MINE, I have someone else, and I’m going to make sure this person never leaves me, ever. MINE MINE MINE.

He gets very protective of Obi-Wan very damn quickly. Unlike in canon, he doesn’t have his old mentor there, helping him figure out the whole Master thing. It’s just him and Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan /is/ so bright and true and clever (and hey, Anakin can’t help but notice that Obi-Wan has a crush on him, even if at first it just flatters his ego).

And then one day it’s not just flattering his ego, one day he looks over at Obi-Wan with his blue eyes and bright smile and freckles and feels a kick of want in his gut and goes, oh, I’m in love with my Padawan.

I have waffled back and forth about how long it takes for Anakin to feel attraction towards him (because once he does, I can’t actually see Anakin waiting to act on it, based on how it was in canon. We’ve seen him try to resist forbidden feelings. He lasted about 15 seconds). I went with “years” before Obi-Wan gets Knighted. If I do write a whole fic, I’ll need to nail it down, but for now…. 

In any case, he realizes what he wants and probably goes to talk to Palps (now Chancellor about it). He keeps things vague, but not really vague enough, and Palps is like, oh, Anakin, why would anyone ever let some old, foolish RULES stand in the way of your HEART? What do the Jedi know of ~love~ you should do what feels right for YOU etc etc etc

And, anyway, Anakin reasons, the Council had to KNOW this would happen when they gave Obi-Wan to him. Master Yoda sees the future, sometimes. In fact, they probably WANTED this to happen, they WANT him to touch Obi-Wan this way. And more than that, Obi-Wan WANTS it to happen, he’s always trying to hide it, but he’s got a crush. It’s the will of the Force and even they can feel it.

And so he kisses Obi-Wan, who is shocked by this turn of events (THE CHOSEN ONE, HIS MASTER, KISSING HIM) but he’s also not going to put up even the token resistance Padme did in canon, because, again: the Chosen One and his Master. And he can feel the truth in Anakin’s words when Anakin says he wouldn’t be able to handle it if they were separated.

Obi-Wan is young and doing the best he can and trusts Anakin and doesn’t tell a soul, not while he’s a Padawan, not after he’s Knighted, and, anyway, they’re at war then, and, well. They’re busy. I think the Clone Wars play out pretty close to the same way. Obi-Wan can feel Anakin slipping more and more into darkness, does his best, trying to hold the weight of the galaxy.

Anakin says Obi-Wan is the only thing keeping him in the light, says he needs Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan tries--

But Palpatine is there, too, and he’s had twenty+ years in the AU to figure out exactly how to pull Anakin’s strings. Hell, he put most of the strings there himself. It isn’t actually difficult, when the time comes, to dangle vague threats to Obi-Wan’s well-being in front of him, to offer up the promise of them being ~together~ and ~in control~ right there, and just watch Anakin jump for them.

And then the au could go one of two ways.

There’s the hopeless way, where they never realize where Anakin went after the scouring of the Temple. He comes back from Mustafar in a cloud of darkness and Palpatine tells him that Obi-Wan died on Utapau (as far as Palpatine knows, this is true). Anakin, however, refuses to believe it and goes looking for him. Finds him, tells him everything is alright now, they can be together.

Obi-Wan is shattered, all jagged edges, he felt his whole family die, saw Anakin doing it, and I think he’d try to fight Anakin. Anakin excuses this as Obi-Wan just being confused and upset. Brings him back to Coruscant, and…

The rest of Obi-Wan’s life is increasingly dire, as the dark swallows Anakin up ever more quickly, and it’s possible Anakin eventually turns back by killing Palps for threatening Obi-Wan’s life, dying in the process, but I don’t know.

No real happy ending, here.

Then there’s the slightly more hopeful way that involves Obi-Wan running off to lead the Rebellion and getting a shit ton of therapy and learning how to recover from...his entire life and eventually maybe saving the galaxy and being happy, but I’m less sure how that one plays out.

A Study In Body Language: v. love is a virtue

Warnings: smut! unprotected sex, mild angst, but other than that mostly fluffy. 

Length: 6.5k

Authors Note: holy shit yall. we did it. 25000 words, 5 chapters and a whole lot of emotional turmoil, we fuckin did it. i will be writing an epilogue for this story but for now, here it is - a study in body language. hope yall have enjoyed this wild ride 

Plot Summary: Spencer realizes how deep he’s fallen, and reads something that changes his plans of confession. Love is beautiful, apparently. 

Link to the song mentioned: 1000 Times by Sara Bareilles 

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

He overhears you in the bullpen. You’re not sad when you talk about it, and maybe he was a little too hopeful to hear you clearly but you sounded relieved. He hopes you’re relieved but he doesn’t know how to deal with that feeling. He doesn’t feel sorry for himself but he could drown in the relief when you say you broke up with Jay. A weight off of his shoulders, off of his consciousness. For a moment he wasn’t so damn restless. You were single but he doesn’t know what that changed. Everything felt different, shit everything was different. The world that he’d come to know was shattered underneath the weight of this feeling. 

“Why’d you two break up?,” JJ asks. She’s curious, but Spencers hanging on your voice for the answer. His whole body relaxes. You pause, maybe you’re shrugging. 

“I don’t know - I think we both realized that this wasn’t gonna be long-term but we’ll always be cool. He’s a really good guy, but we have different wants, I think,” you say casually. You don’t sound sad. 

“You don’t seem upset,” Prentiss comments. Spencers happy he’s not delusional. 

“I’m not. The whole thing was really mutual and I loved him but not as anything more than friends really and he feels the same so I’m okay,” You say casually. He doesn’t hear much else, so he walks away before you can turn the corner and see him. 

Rain beats on the windows when Spencer walks away. It’s been raining for days now, the darkness seemed to be encompassing but it was nice. Spencer liked rain, watching it when he needed to think and it seems like he was having to do that more often these days. Rain wasn’t somber to Spencer, as much as it was a sobering reminder. Rain made him think of you, but most things did so he isn’t sure if it’s any deeper than that. Everything made Spencer think of you. 

Spencer couldn’t stop himself from thinking of you. It was a crushing realization that you were in love with someone and that you would do anything to make them happy. It was always apart of him, he couldn’t catch a break without being reminded of how much he adored you. Things continued as normal but he was working hard to make sure of that. He didn’t want to lose you, or hurt you so he tried so hard to make sure things were okay, even if it killed him slowly. He wanted to call you his, because in his heart of hearts, he wanted you to think of him as yours. Spencer was overwhelmed every time he saw you because it was you. You were you and he’d give you everything if you asked for it. He would rob the stars in the sky for you, he would steal the sun for you to keep, he would do anything to make you happy. That realization was crushing and Spencer was unsure if you had any clue.

__

The work day passes normally. Everyone was ready to go home, though some of the team wanted to hang at O’Keefes for a drink but you and Spencer passed. They all gave each other knowing looks, that Spencer became aware of when he realized he liked you. You still seemed clueless, and that was a scary enough thought. Spencer just flushed as he sees everyone walk out to the elevator, leaving you and him alone for the night. 

“Any special plans, Spence?,” you ask Spencer, fiddling with the strap of your bag as you two waited for the next elevator to come. Spencer shakes his head, looking at your stance and smiling. The bag was too big for you, clearly too heavy on your shoulders but he knew you’d never get rid of it. It was a thing about you he’d picked up from before. 

“Not really, no. Might go home and watch some TV, though I don’t know what,” Spencer replies thoughtfully. You nod in understanding, letting out a huff of frustration as you let go of your bag problem. Spencer just chuckles as he stands in front of you, fixing up the buckle before the strap. You look up at him with a grateful grin, and he feels his heart pound. Love, love, love on his mind when he looks at you. He feels a bit sick, but he figures it’s a symptom that seems to swallo him. 

You wrap your arms around Spencer and lay your face in his chest.He wonders if you can hear how hard his heart is pounding but it doesn’t seem like you notice. You nuzzle into him, and it seems to be so subconscious for you. He wants to ask himself if this was friends did but he knew better - this was too complicated for such simple questions. He hugs you back, taking a breath and you pull away and look up at him. His eyes are a pretty green, spots of brown speckling them but they look hazel in the light. You’d see them sometimes when he woke up and they’d fall under the sunlight. You always liked them and maybe you look too long, so you pull away. Spencer wishes you didn’t but the moments gone before he can protest. 

The elevator dings. The doors both open as the two of you travel down together. Spencer wants to offer you some company but he can’t tell himself too when he knows his own intentions. 

____

Spencer was alone. It was the wordless night that seemed to eat at him, even though the clock had only barely scraped by to 11. Lately, Spencer doesn’t have trouble sleeping but it seems like that would change soon. Thoughts of you were cocoon his thoughts. He felt so stuck, because he wants to tell you how he feels - but the risk is too great. Too much of a burden to bear because he has no clue about how you feel. He assumes you don’t return those feelings but if you did -  he wasn’t sure if anything would change. That reality is far more crushing than not knowing at all. 

One thing Spencer did when he was thinking of you was read your letters to him. Those letters were more important for his sanity than he wanted to admit. You told him of everything, gave him daily reminders of why he needed to see the world again. Your return was more than waited on, but prayed for. A selfless act in self-preservation on your behalf, and a brave one on Spencers. 

The first letter dates a few weeks after Spencer was in rehab. You’re so different in writing, maybe more honest because you aren’t thinking so much. Spencer doesn’t know how to explain it but he likes the way you write. 

Dear Genius, 

Congrats on a whole 3 weeks!! I’m so proud of you, and I’m happy to hear you like group therapy. I loved your clown painting, by the way and I want it framed for my apartment ASAP - seriously I had no clue you were so good at art. I also want pictures of when you guys have group therapy with those service dogs because that is so cute!!! Excited for the next letter just for that. 

Updates on my life are pretty boring but you asked so I’ll deliver. My dad is doing okay right now. We’ve talked a lot and he’s sorta mulled over my chilhood and apologized about well… all of it. It was a bit much, to be honest but thats okay. I’ll get through it, especially when I have these letters to look forward too. I met someone sorta too, he’s from DC but he moved into my neighborhood. He’s nice, but who knows, you know? 

Also, you told me to keep sending you new music to listen too, but honestly I just wanna send you radio hits. You should listen to The-Weeknd, maybe Starboy? I mostly just wanna see how you feel about stuff people listen to on the car radio haha. I don’t know, but either way, hope you like the song. 

Anyways, I love you and I’m looking forward to our next correspondence. Good luck always, and keep yourself strong. 

Best Wishes,

Y/N 

Spencer smiles big. The kind of smile that reaches the lines in his eyes and makes his whole body relax. He replies with what you ask for, he remembers. He had a picture of him with an Australian Shepherd from therapy that you framed and put on your desk. He remembers how much you liked it, though he wasn’t sure why. He hadn’t sent you the clown painting yet because it seemed to slip his mind but he reminds himself to give it to you. He looks through more letters, reading the different one-sided exchanges. He reads your weekly updates about the community mural that you painted with all the kids while you were back home. He reads about the different volunteers, and how your childhood friend who you lost touch with had moved back and had a baby. Her name was Ellie, and you loved her. He comes across the letter where your dad passed away, only a month into your trip. 

Dear Spencer, 

Hey kid. I’m happy to hear about your progress!! I know it’s been tough because you’ve hit that middle slump but I know you. I know you’ll get through, it just takes time and you’re doing great keeping your head above water. I love you and I’m so proud of you, you’re gonna go far. 

I know I sound different here, it’s because my dad passed away last night. He passed quietly, stubborn bastard. I cried, more than I was expecting. He’s the last person of blood who would claim me as family and he just sorta disappeared. It’s just weird, how little i seem to feel. I was sad but it was weird, more emptying than anything but in a fucked up way I was relieved. I don’t know. I suppose it’s complicated

It made me think of you, in a weird way, I guess. You told me to send you music and I guess this is my indirect way of telling you stuff, but you should listen to 1000 times by Sarah Barielles. I don’t really know what to make of it but thanks for being a good friend and I’m grateful for what we have as friends always. You’re a good person, Spencer. 

Anyways, let me know if anything changes and good luck next week. I miss you, but I know we’ll see eachother again soon and things will be good. Keep sending me pictures of Dianes cat also because she’s so cute and I love her. Thanks for everything. 

Love always, 

Y/N 

 Spencer looks at the song you sent. He normally listens to every single one but that week he had already used up all of his computer time to read the articles from your local newspaper and he never got a chance too after that. He figures now was a good time, always having a piece of you when he got that music. Even if the song wasn’t his style, it made him think of you and for him that was most than enough. It was a blessing in a lot of ways to have a part of you that only he knew of. It was music anyone could listen to but the meaning was his alone. Spencer opens up his laptop and types in the song title. He presses play, awaiting whatever pop ballad you had waiting for him

Then the lyrics start to play and Spencer feels sick,” 

“Again again I let it go, let it go/ Cover my mouth don't let a single word slip/ Out wouldn't wanna tell you, no tell you, no/ Nothing could be worse than the risk of/ Losing what I don't have now,” 

Shit. 

Spencers heart drops to the bottom of his stomach. He feels like he’s going to die, and he doesn’t know how else to explain this feeling of detriment. You told Spencer you loved him a full month before he even realized how far deep he was and he just… didn’t acknowledge it. Spencer wanted to throw up, every visceral feeling of panic banging on the inside of his chest and threatens to crush his heart under the weight. Spencer could feel it in his throat, as he scrambles to find his phone your contact, dialing your number as he feels the drum of his heartbeat. His fingers shake as he hears you pick up on the other side.

“Hello?,” 

Your voice makes Spencer ache. Spencer breathes out, unable to speak for a few seconds. You look confused on the other side of the phone. 

“Spencer?,”

Your voice is all Spencer hears yet your words feel distant. His voice is abysmal and small when he speaks - the words trapped in the maze of thoughts, unable to be expressed correctly. Spencer coughs before he talks, trying to clear his airways even though nothing was really wrong. 

“Are you home and are you busy?,” Spencer asks, tears threatening to run down his face before his voice can give out 

“I’m home but I’m not busy, why? Is everything okay? ,” Panic is subtle in your voice, Spencer swallows thickly. 

“Yeah, yeah - I’m okay. Can I come over?,” Spencer asks, voice quiet. 

“Of course, Spencer. See you soon, and drive safe - the weather is still bad so you gotta be careful,” you say warmly. 

“Yeah, of course. See you soon,” Spencer replies. The line clicks and Spencer stares into his phone. He picks his care keys up and puts on a jacket, knowing he’d still get caught up in the rain. 

____

The rain is heavier than it was before. It was late, the clock reads 11:45  and Spencer can’t see much as water spills from the grey clouds that hung over his head. It was peaceful, almost. When you ignore the feeling of imminent panic and anxiety that washes over him, the rain is soothing to his ears as heavy as it. Spencer hands around the steering wheel are gripped tight enough to make the pads of his fingers white. His skin is hot, chest covered in a light sheen of sweat as he thinks of what's going to happen when he gets there - or moreso, if anything has happened. Spencer's thoughts are deafened by his own uncertainty - he owes it to you to tell you but if it’s too late for him he may never come back from that. He needed to tell you because you deserved to know but the thought of nothing happening hurts him. He’d rather you didn’t know but that’s not fair.

Spencer's thoughts of your ex-boyfriend pop up and he feels guilty. He’s tearing himself to pieces finding every reason in the world not to tell you, but he had to make the right choice because you were braver than he could ever be. He wants to show you he’s changed and that he won’t run from this. He refused to run from you. 

His hands shake when he knocks. His hair is wet and the water seems to soak through parts of his old jacket. He looked like a mess he was sure but it didn’t matter. Spencer was so anxious, he doesn’t remember the last time he ever felt this anxious. 

When you open the door with a smile - that’s when Spencer knows you were the love of his life. He just looked at you, looks at you with sunken eyes that flit over your face with a feeling you can’t explain. Spencer needed you, maybe more than you needed him. 

“Hey, Spencer,” You say warmly. Spencer walks inside and you close the door behind him. He looks at you for a second, taking his jacket off as he just looks to you in silence. He wants to spit the words out, he wants to say them so the two of you can get caught up together. Spencer wants to be yours, and for you to be his and then some. Spencer loves you. 

“What’s up?,” you ask quietly, seating yourself next to Spence whose found himself a spot on the couch. You grab his hands and play with his fingers for a few seconds, the touch is just so damn intimate. You loved Spencer, so much more than you could explain. You had that little anxious bubble in your chest about what could happen - that ‘maybe’ that brought you so many restless nights. You wondered if today was the day but before you go to dismiss the thought, you feel Spencers hands under your chin. He lifts your face up, eyes examining your face carefully. His scruff was nice, he looked different than before. 

Before you can ask, Spencer kisses you. It’s out of character, and in many ways out of place for him. He’s not the type to kiss anyone out of the blue but he doesn’t know else to break the tension with any language other than physical. It's the way his lips melt to yours, the way you kiss him back immediately, the way his lips have a way of holding yours. The way his hands hold your face up. It was everything that made you remember that Spencer was fucking kiss you. Kissing you like he was the reason he was breathing. Curled around your very existence, with his lips giving you their every secret. This kiss was an exchange in secrets, but more than an assurance. Spencer kisses you, and you kiss him back and the whole universe is still. 

When Spencer pulls away, you’re more than speechless. You look at Spencer, looking in his eyes for regret and you find none. Solace, maybe but no regret. You just look down, too scared to look at him again but he stops you, lifting your face up again. 

“Don’t hide from me please,” Spencer croaks “I need to look at you,” 

“Why?,” 

“To make sure you’re real,” Spencers confession makes your body heat up. 

“What’s gotten into you?,” you laugh nervously. You think Spencer will follow in suit, going back to being silly with you like normal but he doesn’t falter. He holds both of your hands and looks down, your eyes still fixated on him. Spencer sighs. 

“I read your letter, from when your dad died. I never had a chance to listen to that song, but I did. I normally did but that one somehow managed to miss me and..,” he trails off, like his thoughts are moving too fast for him to say what he wants to. You swallow thickly. So he knows, you figure. 

“It’s okay if you don’t, you know, return those feelings,” your voice chokes out. Spencer laughs. 

“You’d be a fool to think something like that,” Spencer says earnestly. You choke a little violently. 

“Oh?,” 

Spencer turns to look at you again. His eyes are full of something, and this time you know the feeling. You give it to him often, that look of adoration That “You’re so stupid, please marry me,” look you give to the person you want to love most in this life. 

“My whole life, I couldn’t afford to believe in anything related to destiny. I didn’t believe in miracles, or destiny, or a lot of other things for a long time. Sometimes I still don’t, like when cases go so bad that the whole team is left with that hollow feeling,” Spencer starts “I try my best to remember joy and happiness, and sometimes I do believe in miracles but it’s not everyday. Sometimes the pain was just too heavy,” 

“When I started taking dilaudid again, I was just trying to cope with the pain. My life can feel like a series of unfortunate events sometimes,” Spencer says softly. The grip he has on your hands tightens just a little bit. 

“I’ve been wanting to give you this confession for weeks, but like always you’ve proved to be more brave than I could ever be. Of course you figured it out first, who could be surprised but,” Spencer pauses for a second. 

“You’re the love of my life. Maybe it’s too much to say right now, maybe enough time hasn’t passed for me to decide that but if I said anything less I’d be lying to you, and I don’t want to lie to you ever again,” Spencers voice is barely above a whisper. 

“Y/N, you’re the only woman I could ever love this much. Those two months, those words that you gave me are what kept me sane. It was thoughts of your voice and your touch that kept me alive. It was your kindness that gave me strength, your love that gave me courage. It was you that reminded me of what it feels like to have hope, and perhaps even believe in miracles and destiny,” Spencers crying and so are you, but you still managed to hold eachother. 

“I’m wholly in love with you. I really don’t know how to say anything else. Please be mine because for now, loving you is all I really want to do,” Spencer says the last part with a small voice. The butterflies in your stomach make it hard for you to speak and you’re crying so much you have a headache. You want to kiss him, and say something back but for now you’re just crying a little bit. You’d clear all the grey clouds in the world to give Spencer some sunshine. 

“It’s always been you, dickhead,” you say through giggles. Spencer loves the sound of your laugh, if he could he would bottle up and keep it for himself to wear around his neck. Spencer wants to wear your name around your neck so the whole world knew he was yours and you were his. 

You can’t hold yourself back from moving into Spencer's lap, bare thighs over his legs as you lean into his neck. You adored Spencer and you knew that for so long, but you always figured he didn’t feel the same. That song was your confession, and when he didn’t listen you always figured he didn’t feel it. Miscommunication is a hell of a drug, you figure. You were here now, wrapped in Spencer and more than ready to give him all of you. You adored Spencer, the way his mind worked full of cogs and his heart was full of affection. It was everything Spencer did when he was getting better, giving you purpose. Spencer made you feel at ease, always. Even when bad things seemed to swallow you up, Spencer gave you ease. 

You look up at Spencer, there are small tears in your eyes when you do. You straddle his lap, and kiss him again. Holding your waist, Spencer smiles. He’s so grateful to be touching you like this. Spencer wants all of you to himself and he’d be damned if he was selfish for it. 

“Spencer,” your voice is small, but happy. Spencer hums, wrapped up in the way the two of you kiss for him to be upset. You look up at him, into him in the way only you can and speak again. 

“Make love to me,” your question is quiet. Spencer immediately became a little unsteady but he understood your request. That term “make love,” used to gross you out but you got it now. Sex and love are different - but sometimes you used sex to make love. To feel someone so close to you like that, you wanted to make love with Spencer. You wanted to have marks all over your skin so that the sight of him could be there forever, and for him to fuck you like you were the only thing he needed. Spencer wanted to make you feel wanted, and you wanted him to want you all the same. So, Spencer smiles, places a hand on boths sides of your face and kisses you slowly. Spencer loves you, adores you and wants to make you feel beautiful. 

“You wanna go to your room?,” Spencer asks. You nod, and Spencer lifts you up before carrying you. You’re wrapped around him, yelping at his surprising strength. 

Spencer lays you down, eyes glassy as he looks at your figure. He’s admiring you - he wants to make you feel pretty. You’re the prettiest woman in the world to him, and all he wants to do is make you feel it. He leans into you, his body pressed to yours as your legs are tangled. Spencer always cradles your face when he kisses you, as if he’s trying to hold you as close to him as possible. Spencer treats you like glass, his touch an ink stain leaving your body with permanent color as he kisses you. His tongue pushes past your lips softly, before pulling back. His fingers are so nimble, tugging with the sides of your shirt, staving himself off as he feels your bare thighs. 

His mouth moves to your neck, peppering kisses along the sides of the column of your throat. He grips your thighs, feeling your wrap your legs around his waist pulling him closer. Spencer tugs at the ends of your shirt, detaching from you so you can get it off. He chokes at the sight of you without your top on and you can’t help but hide your face. Spencer's face leans in, taking your nipple in his while he uses his free hand to gently brush against the other one. 

“You’re beautiful, you look so good like this,” Spencer comments. A soft whine escapes your lips at the combination of words and Spencers touch. He was sweet with every movement but damn he had way too many clothes on. 

“Spence, take it off,” you whine. Spencer gives you a small laugh, taking off his shirt before hovering over you again. His body was surprisingly toned from being out in the field and you definitely weren’t upset about seeing it. Your hands find their way around his waist, touching his skin in appreciation. He gives you a shy smile, before his head ducks down again, moving to kiss down past your breasts to your stomach and above your naval. His kisses are gentle, mouth careful in leaving them in as many places as possible. He stops when he ghosts his mouth over your panties, placing a kiss on your vulva - a wet spot formed on the light color. Spencer moves to kiss your thighs, getting close to your center and taking his time with it. Small hickies take place all along your skin, Spencer wanted to mark the word “mine,” into your skin with his mouth. He wanted you to think of him always, but especially when you were doing this. 

Your breaths are staggered and heavy, as Spencer rubs you down with his hands - palms massaging your legs as he touched you. For the first time in your life, when someone touched you could feel how much they meant it. Maybe it’s because Spencer manages to make things you’ve felt before feel different - he makes everything feel better. 

Spencer slides your panties down your legs carefully. His eyes are low when he sees your clit, sensitive and aching for his attention. He places a kiss on it first before he sticks his tongue out flat for you. Your fingers grip his hair immediately, legs wrapped around his shoulders where you could see him shift his weight to unzip his jeans and get himself off which only worked you up farther. Spencer eats you out like he’s been starved of you his whole life, head rhythmic as he brings you to your orgasm and slows down. He’s making an attempt to savor you but enjoys the sound of irritation you make every time he stops, something he’d explore farther at a later date. You’d gotten head before but it always came off as a favor and not like your partner wanted to do it for you. Spencer made sure you knew he wanted just as much as you did. 

You orgasm in Spencer mouth twice in borderline succession as Spencer refuses to pull away, smiling as he holds your hips down and makes your whole body shiver. You have to catch your breath when he finally spares you and gives you a toothy-boyish grin of satisfaction that you only ever saw when he beats you in a card game. You look down at him adoringly, wanting to cry at how lucky you felt. You pull him to kiss you and he looks at you for a second - a questioning one since he just had his tongue inside you. You roll your eyes in a “duh, that’s the point way,” and Spencer swallows thickly. 

“Do you want me to return the favor? Because I’m more than happy too,” you say reaching for his dick, which twitched at your touch. Spencer shakes his head. 

“Not right now, wanna focus on you tonight,” Spencer replies. You look at him with the most affectionate puppy dog eyes and Spencer bursts out into full giggles. God, he loved you. 

“Can I?,” Spencers question is tentative, and all you do in response is open your legs up wider for him and give him a nod. You mouth a “please,” to him and Spencer just smiles, kissing you softly. 

Spencer stretches you out so fucking good. He’s careful, whispering pretty nothings about how beautiful you are and how lucky he was. The words were only fuel to the fire as you tighten around Spencer and some choked sound leaves his throat. Out of curiosity, you do it again and Spencer moans aloud. You give him a raised eyebrow and his voice is suddenly low. 

“Do that again and I’ll cum,” Spencer warns. You giggled for a second before looking up at Spencer's face. 

“You can cum in me if you’d like to,” you say, voice innocent  “I’m on the pill,” Spencer wants to cum right then and there but he pauses to take a deep breath. 

“Think I’ll have to take you up on that,” Spencer groans. You use one hand to rub your clit as Spencer pulls his hips back and starts to fuck you. The motion is slow at first, not wanting to hurt you but your voice in his ear only urges you to go deeper. 

“I’m so lucky to have you like this love, you’re so pretty for me,” Spencer's praises are so sweet to you. Sugar to aching ears when he speaks lovely words for you. You whine. 

“Spencer please cum in me - god, please,” you egg Spencer on as you get yourself off one last time. Spencer presses his forehead to yours, pausing for a second to kiss you sweetly before pounding into you again. 

“Shit,” Spencer's voice feels like it gets stolen from him as he finishes inside, feeling your orgasm aftermath convulse around him pushes him off the edge as you look at him warmly, a soft blush flooding your expression. 

“I love you so much,” you giggle to him, wrapping your arms around his neck and allowing him to rest his body weight on you. Spencer wants to stay with you like this forever, wanting to wrap you up in his arms and hold you for eternity. He was hoping you’d let him. 

“I wanna stay like this, but let’s go get cleaned up first,” you say thoughtfully “I can wash your hair for you and we can shower together,” you say softly. Tears well up in Spencers eyes - remember the last time you did just that for him. He nods softly, burying his face in your neck, kissing new bruises that were soon to become dark purples. 

____

You come out of the shower first as you hear a knock on your door. It’s been a few minutes and the knocking has been incessant, you figure it’s a neighbor or maybe someone who needed help. You wrap your robe around yourself and towel around your hair before you open up the door. 

To your fucking dismay, it’s JJ, Emily, and Penelope - all stood outside with a bottle of wine as a greeting. Your eyes pop open immediately as you try to brush away the panic and give them all a fake smile. 

“Hey guys! What are you all doing here so late?,” you ask, internal panic threatening your life. They all give you a knowing look. 

“Well, we wanted to talk to you about something and we figure -,” Garcia starts but is interrupted by the sound of Spencer's voice, calling out to you as he walks out of the shower and in view of the open door. He can’t see them, but they can see him and he’s covered in hickies. You shut your eyes in disbelief as they all go dead silent. 

“Oh - oh my god is that Spencer?,” JJ asks shocked. You’re going to throw yourself in front of a bus. 

“Shit,” Spencer bolts into the other room leaving you to deal with the mess. You were so gonna get him for that later. You give them all an apologetic look. 

“We, uh - yeah,” you say a little distant. They all just giving you a knowing look, even Garcia even though that’s mixed with a bit of disgust. 

“We’ll see you on Monday, Y/N,” Emily says, being an angel and cutting the conversation short. You just nod as she drags a blabbering Garcia and deadsilent JJ away, reminding yourself to send her a thank you note later on. You walk into the room with Spencer and he gives you a guilty look, eyes apologetic as you roll your eyes, walking up to him to kiss him. 

“You’re so goddamn lucky I like you, dickhead,”

“You like me?,” Spencer asks, wrapping his arms around your waist before falling over to lay down with you. 

“Oh shut up, you know I do,” your tone is mean but your face gives you away. Spencer kisses you long and slow before looking at you again. The room is barred with loving silence, it feels every part of the air. It’s domestic, soft and adoring. A person whose love made you feel child-like joy but whose being brought your soul such comfort. You and Spencer lay in your bedroom like that for a while. 

“We should change right?” you ask laughing. Spencer nods. 

“I have clothes for you in my dresser,” you remind. Spencer nods as he stands up, slipping on some boxers and a shirt. You change into some old college pj’s and shorts and get laid up next to Spencer. 

There’s this silence that fills the room. It’s difficult to describe, the feeling of it is so new and hard to pinpoint exactly. You can feel it just barely on your skin, the way Spencer's arms hold your waist as the two of you lay next to each other, closing the gaps of space that fall between you - just itching for that familiar feeling of closeness. Spencer Reid was the closest thing to heaven you ever got - scruffy face and curious eyes. It’s hard to find truth in another person, yet stil Spencer shows up for you and kisses away all your nightmares. Loving him was so certain, but the fact that he loved you too felt unreal, still. Maybe it always would. It was a lot for you to take in but the feeling of him at your side, face on your chest sleepily messing with your hands. The way he looks up at you with such a pretty expression, mouthing the words I love you. It was the silence in the room and the cadence it managed - the soft and lulling adoration buzzing the nerves on your skin and kissing you awake. This was more than love, but faith. A regained faith in the notion that good things really can happen to good people. Spencer's love to you was a promise from the universe that good things are always around you even if you don’t see it at first. 

Spencer is so relaxed against you now, you read his body language and can feel his exhaustion. You were so attuned to him, fingers aching  to run through his hair and tell him how proud you were. Spencer made your heart light - his beaming smile turning you flush. Beautiful - him, this, the universe. Loving Spencer made the world feel so beautiful, even though both of you encountered such darkness in it. You were going to marry him someday, you were so sure of it. Someday you and Spencer would grow old and live with some livestock in a cottage somewhere far from here like he wanted. Or maybe a house in the suburbs with two babies you call your own - and a cat, and a dog too. Anything would work for you, but Spencer is probably a bit more picky. 

For you and Dr. Spencer Reid, love has always been a case study in body language. People lie, or hide the truth when they talk - so the two of you have never fallen in love with the words you may exchange. Instead you’ve fallen in love with the gentle touches, the longing glances and lingering hugs - or the feeling of their skin on yours when the night is too cold to be alone. It was the dilating pupils, and the feelings that universe seemed to fall away when the two of you shared looks to each other. You fell for Spencers subconscious before you ever fell for his mind or his body - the little things he did like raising his shoulders when he was happy, or fiddling with your hands when he was deep in thought, you fell in love with the things Spencer would never see for himself and he did the same for you. Spencer fell for the way you moved without thinking. For the person you were when all the curtains were closed. 

Love is anything but conscious. Love is deep-rooted in the sheer notion of that being alive is worth something, which is to say love is the basis of life. Not romantic love - but all love. Love is the basis of life. Spencer Reid loved you, sharing a piece of his life. In returns you gave him yours. An eye for an eye can give us sight we could never have before, if the exchange is born of adoration. 

There are still so many unresolved knots to tie, but for now it didn’t matter. Just like those first two months, Spencer is laying at your side and he smells like you. For now, he was here with you - as the two of you fell so deeply for each other as the seconds passed. There are so many questions to answer, but that’s okay for now. 

You two had all the time in the world to figure the rest out, and for him - thats more than enough. 

This silence was more than enough.

____

taglist:  @cynbx​ @zephyr-studiesjp​ @skrrrrrrrrrrt​ @reid-187​ @louistwinslover​ @pastanest​ @nomajdetective​ @iamburdened​ @secretlyablueunicorn

MAXENCE DANET FAUVAL / NONBINARY — don’t look now, but is that viktor samuels i see? the 24 year old visual arts student is in their senior year and he/they are a rochester alum. i hear they can be observant, ingenious, reticent and dependent, so maybe keep that in mind. i bet he/they will make a name for themselves living in garcia row. ( james. 20. est. she/they. )

LAST INTRO WOOOO !! u know what to mf DO !!

TW DEATH, HEAVY GRIEF, OVERDOSE / DRUG ADDICTION, HOSPITALIZATION, HYPERSEXUALITY, RELIGION MENTIONS, MENTAL ILLNESS

a e s t h e t i c s

old tvs and their static, worn tapes, horror movie screams, spilled ink, a sculptor’s hands, clay-stained, chicken scratch handwriting, messy notes, messy hair, scoffs and eye-rolls, bruised knuckles, sore throats, funeral homes and a crying preacher, shattered ceramics, knife fights, high ledges, vertically-striped pants, red lights, the moon shrouded in clouds, cigarette butts.

general info !!

full name: viktor phillip samuels

nickname(s): icky vicky :/

b.o.d. - jan 2nd

label(s): the black hole, the crepehanger, the impious, the opaque, the tempest, etc.

height: 6′0″

hometown: rochester, new york

sexuality: uuuhhh god … probably pan tbh

pinterest

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biography !!

okay so … born and raised in rochester, new york to the well known samuels family. preacher father, a mother, a twin sister born 15 minutes before him - aka tatiana samuels, who died back in january.

kinda … grew up as a really awkward, quiet kid? like … just didn’t really interact with other kids super well, preferred being alone and like … digging up bugs in the dirt. only friend was like … his own sister.

grew out of this as they got older, instead sort of … becoming a bit of a dick? to compensate for years of awkwardness? will bite the hand that feeds him. was a full on nuisance by middle school. tatiana was not, at least, noticeably.

has always been a fan of darker materials, y’know - grim and creepy, morbid shit. big fan of tim burton ever since he was a kid, which isn’t … a good look for a preacher’s son, but he’s never really felt ~in~ with the rest of his family, anyway.

drew disturbing pictures as a kid probably tbh that prompted one or two or five phone calls home 2 assure everything was fine.

has always been really … good at art, in general - from drawing to painting to playing with clay, that’s always been viktor’s Thing.

aNyWaYs. being tatiana’s twin brother was kinda hard sometimes. tatiana and him were near opposites besides their same mean-spirited trait. she was better in the public than he was, but viktor was arguably more talented than tatiana. they both loved each other deeply and found each other as competition for their parents’ attention - a rivalry, of sorts.

high school is when viktor really started to act out - started extreme, like losing his virginity in their church and vandalism around the neighborhoods. faked being possessed in the middle of sunday service. almost had an exorcism performed on him, probably.

the only redeemable trait was like … his sheer talent with art. was in a 3d art AP course, specialized in sculpting - could pretty much create anything he wanted with enough dedication.

because his parents would be focused on disciplining him for his antics, tatiana could sneak away and get away with stuff easier. so like, y’know, that’s on the bright-side of things.

never been particularly motivated to do much - wasn’t planning on attending lockwood but his parents kinda … did and sent in his application for him b/c they were Not on board with him Wasting Away (wanted him out of the house asap)

actually pretty smart !! just doesn’t like … want to apply himself ever. double majoring in english and visual arts because they’re like … two of his only interests :/ plus he wants to write and illustrate his own series of children books with a style similar to tim burton’s

he’d been experimenting since high school but college is where he really started to like … crack down on himself and figure himself out. was out as pan & nonbinary by his sophomore year of college, just … not to his family, necessarily. thinks tatiana always knew, but didn’t … really use it against him, blessedly enough

always felt like the whole twin - connection thing was … both wack and also not-wack? sometimes it felt believable but sometimes he had no idea what was going on in tatiana’s head. but he felt oddly transparent to her, always - like he was predictable to no one but her.

( TW DEATH, GRIEF, OVERDOSE / HOSPITALIZATION BEYOND THIS POINT )

but when tatiana disappeared - it was like, like viktor knew. the moment she had been kidnapped - felt something deeply wrong in his gut. and when tatiana died - viktor felt something cut so severely in him. he knew, he always knew exactly when. he couldn’t put his finger on how - but he knew. even when everybody else held out hope for her to be found - he knew.

went on a bender around the same time, had always struggled w/ drug addiction but it got worse the longer tatiana went without being found.

( also struggled heavily with his mental health, too ?? has manic and depressive episodes. will fixate on a sculpting project for six months and then purposely knock it off the table and destroy it in the matter of seconds once it’s finished for. no fucking reason. impulse spends A Lot. )

when her body was found, viktor went off the rails. ended up overdosing and being hospitalized where he spent the next like … however long months … until they deemed him better.

has been back since the beginning of fall semester in an attempt to finish his senior year - mostly out of his parents’ insistence that he did, because he very much did not want to. 

is still dealing with a lot of trauma & grief, which was only amplified with dean lockwood’s death - causing him to spiral and be unpredictable with his mental health. some days are good, and some days are very bad.

personality !!

the human embodiment of a gremlin, fed after midnight. a goblin, if u will. one of those cats with a narrow head and big ass ears. that’s him.

b i g horror & halloween enthusiast. loves the old campy horror movies. probably has an abundance of masks from different movies. dresses like a grimy millennial beetlejuice more than he should. love those vertically striped pants!

fashion alternates between e-boy (would b tik tok famous if he were like … 17), millennial beetlejuice, and like … goth in a crop top and sweatpants. big fan of crop tops. big fan of sweatpants.

he can be fucking mean. petty, aggressive, instigator. will literally spit in ur face or no reason. kind of person who’ll stick his gum into other ppl’s hair. other than that he’s like … pretty okay. he’s not always mean, he’s just a dick like … 70% of the time lmao

i mean yeah okay he’ll call someone a stinky bitch for no reason except He Feels Like It And Believes It. it’s fine he’s fine, we’re fine.

despite the fact tht he’s probably getting into fights whenever - considers himself 2 be a lover n not a fighter but that’s just because he Fucks a lot. kind of uses it like a coping mechanism, like he’s this big fancy carnival show that’s like ‘come one, come all! fuck the dead girl’s twin brother!’ may have a problem w/ hypersexuality but it’s nothing he’s fully. aware of.

the preacher’s whore son, basically

like i said he’s pan & nb, switches between he and they pronouns but like … he has such a fragile grip on his identity that u could call him ‘dog-faced bitch’ and he’d turn like hey wassup :)

vastly impulsive, like i’ve mentioned … destroys his own creations 4 the fun of it, spends all his money on useless shit, will cheat on someone bc he feels like it. screams into the night sky frequently, like a cat in heat.

i mean he also creates useless shit for no reason too. spent six months sculpting a hollowed out tree the size of him and then took a sledgehammer to it.

dramatic fuck. used to play the organ at the church like … when no one was looking after him and service was about to start. just these creepy as melodies. would do the same thing at home on his keyboard w/ the organ setting whenever he got grounded until his parents took away his keyboard sadjfkg

won’t talk about his time away b/c it’s not rly anybody’s business but ofc nothing is sacred to the watershed app, y’know, nothing’s private.

still like - he absolutely refuses to talk about tatiana’s death and like, his mental health or his addiction (he’s fallen back into it tbh but it hasn’t gotten bad again … yet) or like … anything involving his own emotions

will literally just change the topic! abruptly, no warning, asks about the jonas brothers instead.

that being said he’s obsessed with tatiana’s death. tatiana was very much a rock for him, kinda dependent on her in a way? just … being there, y’know, kept him grounded.

so he obv became a shepherd bc he wants to know Everything there is abt the app, wants to be deep inside it, wanted to know Who Exactly Killed Tatiana and like … not saying he wants 2 commit murder but :/ yknow. he’s very upset.

emotionally unavailable while also like crying twice a day.

will tell you straight up what he wants from you, no bullshit, no beating around the bush - just blunt. if he wants to just fuck, nothing else, then that’s that. if he feels deviation he’ll ghost in like. less than a second. kinda awful like that! feels no shame.

but like … also is emotional ?? as shit ?? it’s confusing. he’ll cry on a whim and then flip u off if u try to console him or like. ask him anything. will bite you.

he goes to therapy but he generally fucks around and wastes most of the time until the therapist threatens to like … idk what therapists r allowed to threaten. to send him off to another therapist? idk.

likes being intimidating but like … not with his body or nothing ‘cos he’s a TWIG, but like … uses his love for horror n creepy shit to his advantage. has an abundance of fake blood. has channeled the energy of jack nicholson and used it on tatiana’s boyfriends before.

( also a big fan of sfx makeup, has dabbled in it)

probably chases kids with a chainsaw (w/o the like … chain … or w/e … so it’s not actually Dangerous) around halloween

he’s generally never doing good, both mental health wise and morally.

would probably steal candy from a baby for the fun of it.

i don’t know if there’s a good to him, deep down, and i don’t know if he sees any issues with himself either !! nothing really breaks through to him anymore, the only person who ever really made him stop and Think about his actions was tatiana.

kinda introverted, recluse type who doesn’t rly like most people or going out, but he’ll go to parties if it means he’ll be high as shit.

pretty observant. likes to analyze people even though he’s probably not … fully right.

wanted connections !!

he lives alone currently but like … ex - roommates where viktor was just. a nightmare to live with.

feel like a lot of enemies is also a possibility !! viktor’s messy.

people that like … knew tatiana. dated tatiana, even, and viktor would pretty much try to intimidate / scare them at any given chance :/

close friends of tatiana too

people who hated tatiana but liked viktor. people who hated viktor but liked tatiana

people who take pity on him and he Hates it viciously and vocally.

a band of hooligan gremlin kids who do drugs and fuck shit up around town like they’re edgy teenagers even though they’re all early to mid 20s.

the girl he lost his virginity 2 in high school lmao … a distant memory

fellow rochester locals, from church or school or whatever

exes from the past !! good terms and bad terms, but i love bad terms a whole lot mainly b/c viktor’s a jackass.

don’t know if he’s soft towards anybody but we can try. we can Try.

friends, old friends, new friends, bad friends, good friends, close friends, frenemies, etc. etc. all of it

hookups !! so many hookups. fwbs, one night stands, whatever.

uuhhhh god. i don’t know. im so sleepy rn. people in the same major or similar majors.

maybe a ride or die.

people he’s a bad influence on / an enabler towards / all around toxic for them / each other.

people he’s fought !! people who’ve seen him get into random fights and were like ‘uh wtf’

fellow shepherds !!

literally anything im not picky.

MAXENCE DANET FAUVEL / NONBINARY. — viktor samuels is really making a name for themselves as a tier 3 shepherd. i think that he/they are studying english + visual arts in their senior year at lockwood, living in peregrinis. originally from rochester, new york, viktor is known to be observant & ingenious, but can also be reticent & dependent. — james / 20 / est / she/they.

3/5 !!! once again ... little edits

TW DEATH, HEAVY GRIEF, OVERDOSE / DRUG ADDICTION, HOSPITALIZATION, HYPERSEXUALITY, RELIGION MENTIONS, MENTAL ILLNESS

a e s t h e t i c s

old tvs and their static, worn tapes, horror movie screams, spilled ink, a sculptor’s hands, clay-stained, chicken scratch handwriting, messy notes, messy hair, scoffs and eye-rolls, bruised knuckles, sore throats, funeral homes and a crying preacher, shattered ceramics, knife fights, high ledges, vertically-striped pants, red lights, the moon shrouded in clouds, cigarette butts.

general info !!

full name: viktor phillip samuels

nickname(s): icky vicky :/

b.o.d. - jan 2nd

label(s): the black hole, the crepehanger, the impious, the opaque, the tempest, etc.

height: 6′0″

hometown: rochester, new york

sexuality: uuuhhh god … probably pan tbh

pinterest

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biography !!

okay so … born and raised in rochester, new york to the well known samuels family. preacher father, a mother, a twin sister born 15 minutes before him - aka tatiana samuels, who died back in january.

kinda … grew up as a really awkward, quiet kid? like … just didn’t really interact with other kids super well, preferred being alone and like … digging up bugs in the dirt. only friend was like … his own sister.

grew out of this as they got older, instead sort of … becoming a bit of a dick? to compensate for years of awkwardness? will bite the hand that feeds him. was a full on nuisance by middle school. tatiana was not, at least, noticeably.

has always been a fan of darker materials, y’know - grim and creepy, morbid shit. big fan of tim burton ever since he was a kid, which isn’t … a good look for a preacher’s son, but he’s never really felt ~in~ with the rest of his family, anyway.

drew disturbing pictures as a kid probably tbh that prompted one or two or five phone calls home 2 assure everything was fine.

has always been really … good at art, in general - from drawing to painting to playing with clay, that’s always been viktor’s Thing.

aNyWaYs. being tatiana’s twin brother was kinda hard sometimes. tatiana and him were near opposites besides their same mean-spirited trait. she was better in the public than he was, but viktor was arguably more talented than tatiana. they both loved each other deeply and found each other as competition for their parents’ attention - a rivalry, of sorts.

high school is when viktor really started to act out - started extreme, like losing his virginity in their church and vandalism around the neighborhoods. faked being possessed in the middle of sunday service. almost had an exorcism performed on him, probably.

the only redeemable trait was like … his sheer talent with art. was in a 3d art AP course, specialized in sculpting - could pretty much create anything he wanted with enough dedication.

because his parents would be focused on disciplining him for his antics, tatiana could sneak away and get away with stuff easier. so like, y’know, that’s on the bright-side of things.

never been particularly motivated to do much - wasn’t planning on attending lockwood but his parents kinda … did and sent in his application for him b/c they were Not on board with him Wasting Away (wanted him out of the house asap)

actually pretty smart !! just doesn’t like … want to apply himself ever. double majoring in english and visual arts because they’re like … two of his only interests :/ plus he wants to write and illustrate his own series of children books with a style similar to tim burton’s

he’d been experimenting since high school but college is where he really started to like … crack down on himself and figure himself out. was out as pan & nonbinary by his sophomore year of college, just … not to his family, necessarily. thinks tatiana always knew, but didn’t … really use it against him, blessedly enough

always felt like the whole twin - connection thing was … both wack and also not-wack? sometimes it felt believable but sometimes he had no idea what was going on in tatiana’s head. but he felt oddly transparent to her, always - like he was predictable to no one but her.

( TW DEATH, GRIEF, OVERDOSE / HOSPITALIZATION BEYOND THIS POINT )

but when tatiana disappeared - it was like, like viktor knew. the moment she had been kidnapped - felt something deeply wrong in his gut. and when tatiana died - viktor felt something cut so severely in him. he knew, he always knew exactly when. he couldn’t put his finger on how - but he knew. even when everybody else held out hope for her to be found - he knew.

went on a bender around the same time, had always struggled w/ drug addiction but it got worse the longer tatiana went without being found.

( also struggled heavily with his mental health, too ?? has manic and depressive episodes. will fixate on a sculpting project for six months and then purposely knock it off the table and destroy it in the matter of seconds once it’s finished for. no fucking reason. impulse spends A Lot. )

when her body was found, viktor went off the rails. ended up overdosing and being hospitalized where he spent the next like … however long months … until they deemed him better.

stayed out of school until very recently b/c he just … didn’t want to go back. didn’t want to deal with it. didn’t want to be known as the dead girl’s twin. but then his mom kinda just was like ‘u go back 2 school or god so help me’ n he was like FINE.

so ya !! viktor’s back after being gone since tatiana’s body was found. that’s it, that’s him, a lil glimpse of his life.

trying to finish his senior year b/c he … obviously left before he could.

finding out that it was george who killed tatiana has ultimately ... caused viktor to spiral. his lows are some of his lowest, his highs are ... very high, but very bad. unstable & unpredictable in his actions it’s ... a whole thing :/

personality !!

the human embodiment of a gremlin, fed after midnight. a goblin, if u will. one of those cats with a narrow head and big ass ears. that’s him.

b i g horror & halloween enthusiast. loves the old campy horror movies. probably has an abundance of masks from different movies. dresses like a grimy millennial beetlejuice more than he should. love those vertically striped pants!

fashion alternates between e-boy (would b tik tok famous if he were like … 17), millennial beetlejuice, and like … goth in a crop top and sweatpants. big fan of crop tops. big fan of sweatpants.

he can be fucking mean. petty, aggressive, instigator. will literally spit in ur face or no reason. kind of person who’ll stick his gum into other ppl’s hair. other than that he’s like … pretty okay. he’s not always mean, he’s just a dick like … 70% of the time lmao

i mean yeah okay he’ll call someone a stinky bitch for no reason except He Feels Like It And Believes It. it’s fine he’s fine, we’re fine.

despite the fact tht he’s probably getting into fights whenever - considers himself 2 be a lover n not a fighter but that’s just because he Fucks a lot. kind of uses it like a coping mechanism, like he’s this big fancy carnival show that’s like ‘come one, come all! fuck the dead girl’s twin brother!’ may have a problem w/ hypersexuality but it’s nothing he’s fully. aware of.

the preacher’s whore son, basically

like i said he’s pan & nb, switches between he and they pronouns but like … he has such a fragile grip on his identity that u could call him ‘dog-faced bitch’ and he’d turn like hey wassup :)

vastly impulsive, like i’ve mentioned … destroys his own creations 4 the fun of it, spends all his money on useless shit, will cheat on someone bc he feels like it. screams into the night sky frequently, like a cat in heat.

i mean he also creates useless shit for no reason too. spent six months sculpting a hollowed out tree the size of him and then took a sledgehammer to it.

dramatic fuck. used to play the organ at the church like … when no one was looking after him and service was about to start. just these creepy as melodies. would do the same thing at home on his keyboard w/ the organ setting whenever he got grounded until his parents took away his keyboard sadjfkg

won’t talk about his time away b/c it’s not rly anybody’s business but ofc nothing is sacred to the watershed app, y’know, nothing’s private.

still like - he absolutely refuses to talk about tatiana’s death and like, his mental health or his addiction (he’s fallen back into it tbh but it hasn’t gotten bad again … yet) or like … anything involving his own emotions

will literally just change the topic! abruptly, no warning, asks about the jonas brothers instead.

that being said he’s obsessed with tatiana’s death. tatiana was very much a rock for him, kinda dependent on her in a way? just … being there, y’know, kept him grounded.

so he obv became a shepherd bc he wants to know Everything there is abt the app, wants to be deep inside it, wanted to know Who Exactly Killed Tatiana and like … not saying he wants 2 commit murder but :/ yknow. he’s very upset.

emotionally unavailable while also like crying twice a day.

will tell you straight up what he wants from you, no bullshit, no beating around the bush - just blunt. if he wants to just fuck, nothing else, then that’s that. if he feels deviation he’ll ghost in like. less than a second. kinda awful like that! feels no shame.

but like … also is emotional ?? as shit ?? it’s confusing. he’ll cry on a whim and then flip u off if u try to console him or like. ask him anything. will bite you.

he goes to therapy but he generally fucks around and wastes most of the time until the therapist threatens to like … idk what therapists r allowed to threaten. to send him off to another therapist? idk.

likes being intimidating but like … not with his body or nothing ‘cos he’s a TWIG, but like … uses his love for horror n creepy shit to his advantage. has an abundance of fake blood. has channeled the energy of jack nicholson and used it on tatiana’s boyfriends before.

( also a big fan of sfx makeup, has dabbled in it)

probably chases kids with a chainsaw (w/o the like … chain … or w/e … so it’s not actually Dangerous) around halloween

he’s generally never doing good, both mental health wise and morally.

would probably steal candy from a baby for the fun of it.

i don’t know if there’s a good to him, deep down, and i don’t know if he sees any issues with himself either !! nothing really breaks through to him anymore, the only person who ever really made him stop and Think about his actions was tatiana.

kinda introverted, recluse type who doesn’t rly like most people or going out, but he’ll go to parties if it means he’ll be high as shit.

pretty observant. likes to analyze people even though he’s probably not … fully right.

connections to the victims !!

tatiana samuels / his twin sister, other half - the only one able to control viktor.

george craig iii / close family friends ... they could appreciate each other, when viktor wasn’t being an outright asshole.

hana williams / ‘friends’ with benefits, their relationship was rocky at best but she was a good lay. have often fought due to their clash in personalities and viktor’s history with christoph.

christoph wainwright / an ex-hook up, an infrequent occasion whenever christoph wanted to tick off hana. viktor was often on board, never the one to consider others’ feelings.

wanted connections !!

he lives alone currently but like … ex - roommates where viktor was just. a nightmare to live with.

feel like a lot of enemies is also a possibility !! viktor’s messy.

people that like … knew tatiana. dated tatiana, even, and viktor would pretty much try to intimidate / scare them at any given chance :/

close friends of tatiana too

people who hated tatiana but liked viktor. people who hated viktor but liked tatiana

people who take pity on him and he Hates it viciously and vocally.

a band of hooligan gremlin kids who do drugs and fuck shit up around town like they’re edgy teenagers even though they’re all early to mid 20s.

the girl he lost his virginity 2 in high school lmao … a distant memory

fellow rochester locals, from church or school or whatever

exes from the past !! good terms and bad terms, but i love bad terms a whole lot mainly b/c viktor’s a jackass.

don’t know if he’s soft towards anybody but we can try. we can Try.

friends, old friends, new friends, bad friends, good friends, close friends, frenemies, etc. etc. all of it

hookups !! so many hookups. fwbs, one night stands, whatever.

uuhhhh god. i don’t know. im so sleepy rn. people in the same major or similar majors.

maybe a ride or die.

people he’s a bad influence on / an enabler towards / all around toxic for them / each other.

people he’s fought !! people who’ve seen him get into random fights and were like ‘uh wtf’

fellow shepherds !!

literally anything im not picky.

Survey #194

“i’m numb to the pleasure but still feel the pain.”

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? Yeah. What kind of vitamins did you take as a kid? I believe I first had those Flintstones ones, then later Mom got the gummy type. Have you ever gone to court? Only to explain to a judge why I thought my scheduled month-long stay in the psych hospital was unnecessarily long for my state. I was convinced all I needed to do was talk to Jason and boom, my problems would be gone. Safe to say, I was delusional. Glad I won that battle though considering I loathe that hospital for their extreme lack of therapy and activities to keep us occupied and out of our own heads. I was committed there I think five times and no stay did jack-shit. Are you friends with your neighbors? No. How long has it been since you’ve seen The Lion King? Years. But bitch when that live action remake comes out I'mma be the very first hoe at that theater. Have you ever had a crush on your siblings friend? No. What's the longest amount of time you’ve been on an airplane without changing flights? However long the flight to Michigan was. What’s the best wedding you’ve been to? My former dance instructor's. What time did you wake up this morning? Like, 7. What are you doing this weekend? There's no difference in weekends and weekdays for me. I'm sure I'm doing nothing. What’s your favorite Disney movie? TLK. Do you wear colored contacts? No, but honestly I'd love more sapphire blue ones if they're a prescription and not just cosmetic. Who was the last person you went to the movies with? I think Mom? Or did I go with Dad later? When’s the last time you spent time with your cousins? I haven't seen Robby since '15, but Audrey passed through with my uncle sometime last year. My other cousins, hell if I know. Why did you fall for the last person romantically? Good Lord, that's an essay. Just more than anything, I think it was the fact that she cares so deeply about animals and people alike and is passionate about what's right and wrong. Can you speak in a different language conversationally? If so, which language? I could maybe manage a very simple German convo? Do you ever fear falling asleep? No, but I do rather frequently don't look forward to it, or at least the process of falling asleep. I don't go quickly. What’s the last thing you had to eat? A bagel. Would you rather eat all day or exercise all day? I don't believe you physically could eat all day? And exercising, I'm assuming you'd eventually pass out? But let's be hypothetical. I'd have to choose exercise, I care way too much about not gaining weight. Does one eye tend to be weaker than the other? Yes, my right is considerably worse. What do you think of guys who ask girls out over via text message or internet? It's definitely not my preferred method, but do it if you don't have the courage to in person/just can't for whatever reason. Have you ever had a churro? I believe I have? If I'm remembering the correct treat, it was unbelievably too sweet and I didn't like the crunch. What’s one thing you like about your town? The town itself is real old-fashioned and small. Did you believe that alcohol is more dangerous then weed? I know it is. Do you drink more apple or orange juice? Orange. Are you a fan of the Grand Theft Auto series? Never played, but I highly doubt I'd enjoy it. Do you like the beach? If it wasn't for the wind, blistering heat, and sand. So basically, I don't. I only like being in the ocean. Do you or did you have a curfew at one point? No. Well, correction, if it was a school night before high school and I was out with a friend, I'm sure Mom established something, but idr. Do you peel the wrappers off of plastic bottles? No. What do you think is the youngest age someone should lose their virginity? No younger than 16. But at any age, be. Smart. Have you ever played Super Smash Brothers? I think at friends' as a kid? What do you like on your sundaes? Like, just chocolate syrup lmao. Have you done anything productive today? Well, I exercised some. Do you believe in abstaining from sex until marriage? What I care about is waiting for a person you feel truly in love with. I actually feel like abstaining could be a bad idea, as I'd assume for some people, the desire to have sex would play a factor in them wanting to get married, so marriage could potentially be rushed for the sake of that when you're not adequately prepared in other areas. What is your sexual orientation? Bi. Do you put your name on your food coverings? If I was using a fridge at a job or whatever, yeah, but I'm not in that type of situation. What is something you have acquired with age? Open-mindedness. Would you ever go out in public sporting pajamas? Depends on where I'm going. Have you ever ridden in a race car? No. Do you enjoy history? No. Have you ever changed religions? Twice. Is there anyone to whom you are afraid to stand up to? Mom. And pretty much everyone else. Do you like making lists? Sometimes. Do you play sports with your siblings? Never di- oh wait, Mom signed all three of us up for cheerleading as little kids. Hated it. Are there stairs in your house? No. Do you like onions on your burger? A small amount of minced pieces is fine. Could you ever give yourself a shot? Yeah. What is your favorite room to clean? I get the most satisfaction out of cleaning my own. Do you enjoy cleaning? Not the process of it, just the feeling afterwards. What do you consider your ideal weight? My /ideal/ would be around 120 again, but I'd be happy enough between 130-140. How many pounds do you need to lose (or gain) to be your ideal weight? LET US NOT What is your favorite thing about Valentine’s Day? Just it being a celebration of love, which to me, goes beyond just romantic. I think people should spend a little extra effort in letting one another know they really love each other. Now I believe every day you should treat people with love, but seriously focus on it and be thankful for those you have. If you wear one, what color is your wristwatch? N/A Have you ever made a pair of earrings? No. Who did you inherit your hair color from? I actually think Dad? Going through family pictures after Grampa died, I found out he was actually born dirty-blonde (I've only known him with black), like I was. Pretty sure Mom's was always brown. Have you ever wished that you were born in a different era? Woulda loved being born in the mid-early '80s. Do you prefer soft rock or hard rock? ....... I read "rock" as in like, minerals. And I was. Very confused. High on the list of my dumbest readings. Anyway, definitely hard. What was the best time of your life? As a kid. Do you prefer sunny or cloudy weather? Partly cloudy. How do you like your potatoes? For most of my life I only liked them as fries or as potato skins w/ cheese and bacon bits, but I'm gradually branching out. I like baked potatoes split with cheese and bacon inside too, and Sara's mom exposed me to the very first time I enjoyed mashed potatoes, yeet. So those have to be made a very specific, non-clumpy way. I also like hash browns, but not the shredded kind. Oh yeah, I live for the fiesta potatoes at Taco Bell too like gd good shit. Who’s your best friend? My babygirl. <3 If you don't count her, it'd be my mom, but if she's excluded too being family, I don't really have a best friend. Maybe Girt, idk. What’s a TV show you never miss? I don't watch any shows regularly. The one and only situation where I'd watch every episode ASAP is if Meerkat Manor came back. Have you ever lied about your gender? No. What are you planning on doing on your next birthday? Go out to eat with family, and though unlikely, getting a tattoo would be awwwesome. Do you know anyone else with your last name other than family? I don't think so? Is your favorite band still together? I actually just looked it up because I really wanted to know, and his band's still going, apparently! I thought this coming tour ("No More Tours 2") was the end, but apparently it's just the finale of his world tours. Where do you see most of your concerts? I've only been to one, which was in Raleigh. That's the most likely place we'd go to, though. Have you ever had escargot? Never in my life will I try it. Do you use Google every day? No. What was the last new food you tried that you thought was delicious? Oh my god in Heaven. So, for Christmas, my sis made these hot chocolate cream balls things she found on Pinterest, and literally, maybe the best thing I'd ever had. I just barely had enough discipline to not eat more than one lol. If you could invent a new holiday, what month would you put it in? Hm. Idk. Have you ever had a bedroom with a specific theme? No, I don't think so. If you had to design a room with a theme, what theme would you choose? Gothic, maybe with lil bits of pastel goth for some more personality. What was the best thing that ever happened to you? Realizing I can't just give my entire life to a person, losing any control over it myself. You have to allow yourself to be free; do not chain yourself to a single person. Have you ever given money to a homeless person? No. One, I don't have a source of income, and two, I'm perfectly aware what probably 99% do with it, especially because of my mom, who's pretty much made friends with the homeless on the side of the road, has learned each and every one use drugs or alcohol, so instead she buys them food frequently. That's something I would want to do, but I'm so paranoid of strangers, especially desperate ones, harming me for whatever reason that I probably never will. Do you like your hair better long or short? SHORT. OH MY GOOOOOD CUTTING MY HAIR SHORT WAS ONE OF MY BEST DECISIONS. Have you ever designed your own Facebook timeline cover? Yeah. What is one site that closed down that you wish would come back? Hmmmm. I don't really know. Well, the Animal Planet site still exists, but I wish there was still a dedicated MM section, y'know, with the forums and games and such. Really think it'd be nice if they kept little sections for all of their classic, better-known shows for old fans. Hell, I'm pretty sure MM was their most successful, why not keep remnants of it up there? Do you ever watch TV shows on YouTube? Rarely, if I ever watch a show. Foo Fighters vs. Red Hot Chili Peppers: Not a real fan of either, but I'd have to choose the former as I enjoy at least two of their songs. Have your parents ever complained about your hair? My mom was reeeaaally shocked and distressed when she arrived at the parlor when I got the "big" haircut and saw how much was gone (eight inches), but only because she was scared I'd hate it. Thankfully she really liked it when it was all said and done. Are you a fan of the Saw movies? Never really watched 'em. How did you decide on your Tumblr name? I'm a sucker for alliteration, and it's a survey blog. Do your friends have the complete opposite music taste as you? My closer friends, not really, actually. Do you ever forget how old your siblings are? I don't know any of my half-siblings' ages, and I forget how old Ashley is sometimes. I forget frequently if she's two or three years older than me. Do you tend to walk places more than drive? Ha, you can't walk to a destination here in the country. I only ever ride/rarely drive anywhere. Do you have any photos of you kissing someone? Yes. Do you ever hang out with your ex? Rarely with Girt. Would you like the ability to read minds? No, especially if you can't choose when it's "on" or "off." Even if you only choose when you do it, idk. Just... doesn't seem like a safe idea. Do you see the same people everyday? Lol that's usually just my mom, and yes. Have you ever made out on a couch? Yeah. Are you mad at anyone right now? No. It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings, what do you do? Almost a guarantee I won't hear, considering it's on vibrate. Now if I did for whatever reason, ignore it unless it's a contact on my phone. Have you ever fallen backwards on a chair? I believe so, playing as a kid. Last time you laughed so hard you cried? I'm not sure, but considering I do that easily... Who last talked about kissing you? Sara. Who was the last thing/person you took a picture with? My kiiiitty. Did you speak to your father today? No. Would you ever get gauged ears? Definitely no. What aren’t you looking forward to? I really don't mean to sound all emo and whatnot, but I genuinely don't look forward to like every afternoon/early evening, as that's around when I hit my extreme boredom decline, which goes so low I feel death could maybe be more exciting. I am in no way suicidal, I just want this era of isolation, lack of purpose, and no progress towards a great future to end. My life's been at a stand-still for pretty much a year. Would you rather get your tongue or lip pierced? I already have both done. I find my snake eyes way cuter, but when I consider my outward appearance and what people generally see, I'd rather have my labret. What is your favorite personality trait? Kindness. What is the most romantic thing a significant other could do? Idk, but something with deep personal meaning for sure. When you are dating someone, what is the most important thing to you? There has to be a mutual, serious care for our relationship; my partner has to understand I'm not in for a fling. We both have to have the goal of forming and maintaining a healthy, long-lasting, meaningful relationship. If I feel being together is a game to you or just for a couple months of a bit of fun, bye. Would you be able to tell someone you love them, even if you didn’t feel it? No. Well, I do with my mom if she's pissed me off and I *feel* like I don't, but I know I do. If you were engaged, would you want a wedding as soon as possible? Not necessarily. I believe engagement is a stage where you're certain you want to get married in the not-so-distant future, but you have other important things to take care of first, like for example, buying a home and stuff like that. When in a relationship do you have to have contact with your partner on a daily basis? I wouldn't freak the hell out if you couldn't talk to me for a day, but I'd definitely want at least a little conversation, especially if we're serious. Do you believe in moving in together before engagement or marriage? Yes. You should know how you're going to handle being with your s/o every single day. Did you ever give a hickey to the last person you kissed or you guys didn’t go that far? Not yet. Is there anyone you want to come see you? Yeah. What was the last thing you saw that scared you? A video of this guy with his giant pet centipede like an idiot (super venomous) crawling all over him. Centipedes creep me the hell out, although at the same time I find them kinda cool. Is there something that’s happened today that you don’t want to ever go through again? No. Is the last person you kissed attractive? Yeah. Do you feel bored with your life? I think I've covered this enough. Who’s someone you miss that you haven’t talked to in years? Megan, more than anyone. Do you have severe withdrawals from medications? I don't think any were ever severe, but I was weaned off of them all I believed. Just honestly I've been on so many since 6th grade that I can't recall each one's ending. I only recall having shadow hallucinations when I was coming off one. What’s the most weight you’ve ever gained from a medication? Let's not talk about the subject I'm more bitter about than anything else in the entire world. Summary: Don't touch Abilify even if your fucking life depended on it. Do you have a doctor you can trust? My psychiatrist and therapist, very much so. I've only seen my new general doctor twice, so I can't make a fair judgment of her. Mom has a friend who sees her though, and she only has positive things to say about her. Do you pray? If yes, to whom? No. What do you miss about high school? A social life. Art class. What do you miss the most about college? Literally the one and only part I enjoyed at my first college was lunchtime, because Jason and I could spend time together, sometimes with his friends. Second college, nothing. It was online. Have you ever been the victim of a crime? I don't believe so? Is your life worse than you could have ever have imagined it to be? Or is it better, or just what you expected? Ohhhh man... As a kid, I was so sure I'd be amazing. Still had a bit of hope in middle school. High school and beyond, it's, so far, worse than I'd planned. What is the most beautiful landscape you have ever seen? Mountains. Driving through them is unreal. What is one place you have always wanted to visit? Idk about "always." But for the longest amount of time, it's been without a doubt South Africa. Who were your favorite celebrities as a child? Steve Irwin was and still is one of my absolute heroes. I loved Jeff Corwin, Jesse McCartney, Raven Symone, and the Sprouse twins, too. Do you prefer slow songs or fast songs? I'd say generally, faster. What color is your trash can? White. Who was your favorite family pet when you were growing up? We didn't really have a "family" pet, just ones one of us individually were particularly close to. I'd say the closest that qualifies would be Chance, our first cat. She was special. List five of your favorite YouTubers. You Already Know, GameGrumps, Shane Dawson, Daniel Howell, and Jeffree Star, but. I have so many jsfaqoweuoapsf. I wanna squeeze Rhett and Link in there, but while I still love them as people and creators, I've been losing interest in GMM over the months. What’s your favorite type of bird? Barn owls. I also love ravens though for their intelligence and personalities. What pet names do you use with your significant other? A lot, but I'd say either "sweetheart/sweetie" or "dear" are most common from me. I think. How would you describe your sense of humor? Sarcastic, I guess. Have you ever been a member in a band? No. Well, except school band. Have you ever watched yourself on video? Yeeaah, senior project was fun. But I know how I usually am well enough to say I honestly don't feel I did badly. Have you ever missed a flight? Yup. Never go to the O'Hare airport, jfc. Have you ever seen a lunar eclipse? Yes, and I hope to see the one this Sunday! Are you still in touch with your best friend from high school? No. Any animals whose behaviors you find particularly interesting? AHHHHHHH SO MANY!!!!! Social species' above all. Do you like animals better than most humans? Yes. What simple things in life bring you the most joy? Long car rides when I can play my iPod through the speakers and just go to another world. Sara singing, hearing my mom laugh. Seeing old couples holding hands in public kills me. How did you meet your significant other (if you have one)? YouTube. How did you meet your best friend? She's the same person as above. Are you friends with anybody you didn't like at first? Also see Sara lmao. Are there any musicians you didn't like at first, but grew on you? The first/most recent to come to mind is In This Moment. Is there anything you used to love, but now dislike? Peas as a kid. I'm kinda on the fence of liking or disliking PewDiePie as he is now (although I haven't watched too much of his newer content). Do you have any favorite books you'd like to have signed by the author? It'd be pretty cool for Ozzy to sign my copy of his autobiography, sure. Do you enjoy any of those old black and white horror films? Any one I've ever seen has been horrid, so I haven't seen many. What is your favorite yogurt topping? I loved those ones that had M&Ms in them. Where do you shop the most: Kmart, Target, Walmart, Fred Meyer, or other? Walmart or Harris Teeter. Have you ever done a craft project you saw on Pinterest? No. What beverages do you drink that contain caffeine? Soda. What has been the best experience you've had in a church? Uhhh. Oh, Jason's brother's wedding. Do you prefer that your nachos be spicy or not spicy? Obviously spicy. Have you ever had a kiss that felt magical? Mine and Jason's first was cute, but I don't recall if I thought it was "magical" because all I was focusing on was just how shy I was. First kiss with Sara was definitely more than special. Who is your best online friend? Sara once again. Who knows more about you: online friends or offline? Online, easily. Do you think that love makes people irrational? It can. What book, movie, or TV show did you find to be total garbage? Oh, I'm positive there's something, but nothing comes to mind. Is there a topic that is a sore-spot for you? Mental health and how it may affect your loved ones. Have you ever lost a friend over a guy/girl? Pretty much. Have you ever lost a friend because of a lifestyle change? Yup. Do you like kissing? The right person. What location holds the most memories for you? My childhood home. Hypothetically let’s just say you’re a supervillain. What’s your agenda? What are you trying to destroy and why? I would never want to be, but I suppose the most suitable for me would be punishing the person to break a promise somehow. Why, because I know just how agonizing broken promises can be. What’s your go-to topic when making small talk with others? How their day's been. When you get to be in charge of the tunes on a road trip or party - do you play what you want to hear or tailor the playlist to what you think the other people in the car/room want to hear? I do a mix of both. Thankfully, Mom and I like most of the same music, but I do learn what songs she doesn't like and avoid playing them unless I really wanna hear it. You have any bad habits you shamelessly don’t care to or plan to quit? Shamelessly, idk about that. There’s an app for everything. What apps consume the most of your time and energy? Facebook. The most overrated thing ever - what is it? I literally judge you if you have a bigass, obnoxiously loud truck. Compensating for something? The most underrated? Ummmm. Talking about pointless shit and doing nothing while enjoying your favorite person's presence is surely one. What’s something you find unconventionally romantic? Teaching your s/o how to play a game together and you both are enjoying it asjfaoswuw. One of my most cherished memories with Jason was that with Little Big Planet. Just in general I find it super cute to share what you love with each other.

I never said that the man is not responsible - it's quite logical he is. The thing is - once you know he's in a relationship and you still go after him, you're equally responsible. In your posts you often make it seem like you're the oh-so-poor victim in this situation - you're not. No one forced you to do this. You had the option to not let it all happen, and yet you decided to go for it (just like the guy did). You are not a victim - you're just a mistress who's bitter about not being the one.

I know you didn’t say that you don’t think the man isn’t responsible, I said that in reference to the post you referred to. I said it as the reason why I made that post.

I’m not trying to make myself seem like a victim, I’m just expressing my own feelings. This blog is my diary, as well as a place where other women (and sometimes even men) like myself can come to me to talk. I tend to be told I’m the only person they can confide in about their situations, and I’m happy to be here for them.

Perhaps I’m upset that I wasn’t the one, but I wouldn’t say bitter. In all truth, I know it would never work out between him and I, and I said that in the letter I left him. Just because I loved him and still love him doesn’t mean I think it’s in my best interest to be with him. I’d probably be happy for the first time in a long time, but I have certain goals that don’t match up with what he wants in life, and I know I’d end up hating myself if I were to be with him.

Let’s put it like this: I’m not upset even that I’m not the one, I’m upset that his girlfriend is the one, because they really don’t go well together. I’m not saying this because of the fact that he chose her, but from an outside point of view. Everyone I’ve asked who knows both of them agrees that they are in a bad relationship together.He is still in love with a girl who broke his heart years ago, and he still remains in close contact with her. He admitted to me that he was still in love with her. The way that I see it, he is trying to replace her with other women and failing. I never knew the girl, but his girlfriend told me “she’s like me… but she’s not,” which is exactly the way I always described his current girlfriend to my friends who had never met her. We’re identical in every way but physical.She is in love with the idea of marriage. She wants it so badly, she’s obsessed with it. She just wants to get married and have kids, asap. I see why, and it’s because according to her (or him? I honestly forgot who told me this), her whole family has had happy marriages. Her grandparents have stayed happy and married in love, and her parents have as well. Psychologically, it makes sense that she’d believe that her life will end up the same way, and since she’s heavily depressed, she’s looking to find something that will bring her happiness, and that thing is marriage and children. Also, she can do SO much better than him. He may not be able to do any better than her, but she can do soooooo much better. She deserves so much better. I really wish she had left him, not so that I would have a space to get in (because I know even if she was out of the picture, he would still not choose me, lol), but so that she can have someone who actually deserves her. Someone she’s actually compatible with.(Also, I lowkey speculate she might be gay, but that’s a whole other discussion lmao. He’s polyamourous and she’s strictly monogamous so…. either way doesn’t work)

I don’t know how else to explain it. If you’d like, come off anonymous and message me privately so we may be able to talk about this further.

I hope this brings you some clarification, but either way, like I said before, I doubt I’ll be able to change your opinion in any way. I know what I’ve done is wrong, and I have accepted that much. I know my faults. We have different points of view, obviously, and I completely understand yours since you haven’t been in my shoes.The best way I can explain how and why I kept going with it after I knew of his girlfriend, is this: have you ever done something without knowing what’s going on or why exactly you’re doing it? For example, (trigger warning up ahead y’all) I used to cut myself. It was just something I started doing one day when I heard of a friend doing it because she was depressed and suddenly I found myself doing it too. I didn’t know how I had gotten there, and I couldn’t stop myself no matter how hard I yelled at myself to just stop doing what I was doing. It was impossible. I was stuck. Well, if you’ve ever been in something the same or similar, that’s kind of what happened. I know I should’ve stopped it, but I wasn’t in control of myself. I’ve been trying to figure out in therapy exactly what caused me to go on this strange “sexual autopilot,” and we haven’t been able to figure it out.

Anyways, I keep going off on tangents: if you’d like to message me, feel free to. I will take no personal offence to what you say, since your experiences and opinions are completely valid.

xo

the trauma epidemic & the crisis at the border: what you can - no, NEED - to do

Immediate places to donate/volunteer

RAICES

Border Angels

Texas Civil Rights Project

South Texas Pro Bono Asylum Representation Project

Lutheran Immigration & Refugee Services

The Young Center

The Florence Project

Our country is currently in the business of traumatizing children and families at an alarming rate. What can we as individuals do about it?

GET TRAUMA INFORMED.

People often say that when you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail - but after 2 years of training, studying, and living this reality, I’m pretty confident in saying that addressing trauma can go far toward addressing a whole host of other problems that we often see as discrete.

Some facts about trauma

First: we need to take trauma seriously. Trauma is an experience outside the scope of normal brain development. Too often, we dismiss survivors by saying that what they experienced was not that bad, or that other people have it worse, or that “bad stuff happens to everyone.”

At the same time, trauma is everywhere. I must confess that when I first entered this world, I would hear stories and think they must be outliers. Sure, stuff like that happened, but incredibly rarely. How many people are really living through some kind of Lifetime movie hellhole as kids? The answer is far too many. So while trauma is “not normal” based on healthy brain development, it is all too normal based on our existing culture. It’s not just the handful of people writing memoirs about lurid abuse or on the news being rescued from torture - it’s people you know. Lots of homes, childhoods, and adults hide incredibly damaging trauma.

So when I say “trauma” in this piece, please know that I mean both intense experiences of fear, pain, humiliation, etc. that do lasting damage AND very common experiences that many people - more than you might guess, if you’re not one of them - endure.

Second: trauma changes the brain. Trauma does lasting neurological damage and can impact someone’s functioning long after the trauma takes place. And this impact is incredibly wide-ranging. Just a sampling of things trauma can leads to: difficulty in relationships, trouble focusing in school, substance abuse, trouble sleeping, disordered eating, low self-esteem, poor impulse control, depression, dissociation, identity disturbance.

Specific discussions of childhood trauma relevant to this crisis:

Nazis separated me from my parents as a child - it caused permanent damage

A pediatric doctor on the trauma caused by this administration’s policies

The toxic stressed caused by family separation

Kids can suffer permanent damage from border separations

Third: Trauma begets trauma. The symptoms of trauma put individuals with trauma at risk for more trauma.

Consider the young man who is sexually abused as a child. The trauma sets his brain into fight-or-flight mode so constantly that he simply cannot focus in school. His shame at not knowing what’s going on around him in the classroom causes him to act out. He gets in trouble at school, which stacks onto the previous trauma, making him feel that no adults and no situations are ever safe. He acts out because he feels ashamed and afraid, and the consequences are that he is made to feel more ashamed and more afraid, so the problem is never solved. He ends up in a classroom with other students who act out, and frequent violent behavior from his classmates stacks more trauma. He drops out of school. Police approach him for loitering, and since he is so triggered by aggressive authoritarian figures and never learned healthy impulse control, he lashes out and is violently arrested and charged with assaulting an officer. Another trauma. He ends up incarcerated, which is an environment seemingly designed to do nothing but deepen existing traumas and cause more trauma.

Consider the young woman who is raised by a mother with untreated mental illness and her own traula. Her mother is distant and neglectful. When she as a young child cries for her mother, no comfort comes. Sometimes mom is playful and attentive; sometimes she is entirely absent. Adults are unstable and frightening. Her brain learns early on that she’s on her own and that others cannot be trusted. As a young woman, she acts “manipulative” and “codependent” - survival mechanisms learned by her trauma. Adults at school and in her family shame and scold her for this, and she has volatile relationships with peers and adults. She seeks sexual attention from older men, since this seems like a way to gain security and a stable relationship. Some of these men are abusive - more trauma. She gets pregnant at a young age. Because of her trauma behaviors and fear of abandonment, she and the child’s father fight loudly and sometimes violently. This traumatizes the child, who becomes whiny and “difficult”. She, never having learned how to parent in a healthy way, grows distant from the child. And the cycle continues.

Fourth: trauma can be healed, but it takes time and effort. None of what I described above is a life sentence. It does not make people unable to function, or impossible to have a healthy relationship. But it does not heal on its own. It takes therapeutic expertise and an environment that can re-teach the brain how to feel safe.

Right now, there are not enough institutions and individuals that are trauma-informed. Schools, rehab centers, jails, prisons, courts, libraries, churches, hospitals, families - we all need to get our act together and work to understand, treat, and prevent trauma. Because I truly believe that trauma is at the root of most of our social ills, from failing schools to addiction epidemics to police brutality. And if we can get all hands on deck to prevent and treat trauma, we can stop the cycle for an entire generation.

ACTIONABLE STEPS YOU CAN TAKE:

Take trauma seriously. If you joke about “triggers” or “daddy issues;” if you think people need to “just get over it” or “be less sensitive;” if you don’t believe survivors, you are part of the problem. If you “refuse to accept excuses” when someone’s behavior is difficult or troubling, because they are struggling to control feelings or impulses due to trauma, you are part of the problem.

Get informed. Read The Body Keeps The Score, The Connected Child, The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog, and anything else you can get your hands on about how trauma works and how it can be addressed. Lots of trauma survivors keep blogs where you can read about their daily struggles and what helps and doesn’t.

Work on your own trauma. You can make sure the cycle ends with you. If you have the resources, see a trauma-informed therapist. Check out workbooks, online communities, and any other resources that can help.

Vote in people who take this seriously. Police violence, prison abuses, under-funded social programs - these all contribute to the epidemic of trauma we’re facing. Trauma is a political issue. Vote.

Be a village parent. If your cousin is spanking their kids, say something. If your spouse teases your son for crying, put a stop to it. If you’re not teaching your children healthy ways of handling their emotions and relationships, start doing that. Now. If you don’t know how, learn. Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn is a great place to start.

Advocate and educate. Do you have kids? Is their school or daycare trauma-informed? Advocate for a classroom management and discipline solution that is trauma informed. Is your workplace trauma-informed? Your church? Your local library? Set up panels and workshops in your community where people can learn about trauma. If one book particularly helped you, order extra copies and hand them out.

Get your boots on the ground. The world needs more trauma-informed people who put their skills into action. Volunteer with young people who are at-risk. Become a classroom teacher. Or a foster parent. Or a lawyer. Go into jails, group homes, shelters, rehabs.

Get. Your. Boots. On. The. Ground.

I’m dead serious about this. The constant cycle of trauma in our world is an absolute crisis. A crisis that is calling out to us to upend our careers, our homes, and our lives. A woman fleeing a domestic violence situation needs somewhere to stay where the people around her are trauma-informed and can help her heal instead of stacking the trauma. A man with an addiction problem that’s numbing years of untreated trauma needs a trauma-informed recovery environment. A 6 year old with violent symptoms of abuse needs a trauma-informed foster family, not a situation where adults attempt to control and discipline him out of the behaviors. Can you provide any of those? Can you support people who are trying to provide those?

The world needs more trauma-informed, therapeutic environments. Learn how to provide one, then do it. Open your home. Open your life. Open your budget. Open your career. It will be messy and difficult and inconvenient. Do it anyway.

Ask yourself: what’s really stopping me from using my time and skills to heal cycles of trauma? And how can I get around that obstacle? Self-work? Therapy? Training and workshops? Changing how you spend your free time? Budgeting? A career change? This is critical. Find a way to get involved.

This is true regardless, but since we as a nation are now causing this sort of trauma to thousands more children at an alarming rate, it’s more pressing than ever. Counseling services, therapeutic families, and other programs intended to help kids with trauma are already under-funded and over-taxed. While it’s critical to stop traumatizing kids at the border ASAP, the fact remains that at the time of this writing, we already have over 2,000 children who are going to grow up needing trauma-informed schools, communities, churches, doctors, families, police, teachers and courts. This problem is only growing and it’s critical that we all start working to shrink it. Now. 

I Hope It's Okay That I Brought My Therapy Dolphin To Your Party

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Hi, Janine! Thanks for the invitation to your party! And might I say, you are looking fabulous! You must have lost twenty, thirty pounds at least. Is that “keto-friendly” diet working?

Oh, really? How long did the doctor say you had left? Well, you can pack a lot of living into eight months. Chin up.

I see you’ve noticed this dolphin I’m cradling in my arms. Yeah, this is Christian Grey. Grey, obviously, because of his color. And Christian because I’m raising him in the faith. Say, do you still have that swimming pool? ‘Cause he gets cranky when he’s out of the water for too long. Really? You never had one? I could have sworn you did. Oh, well. Guess it’s the bathtub for this guy.

Shhhh, Christian! Shhhh! We’re getting you some water, bud. Enough with the chattering!

No, this is totally legal. In fact, he’s a prescription dolphin. You remember about six months ago when I was having all that malaise after my Etsy store failed? Well, I went to the doctor, and I was right. Clinical Malaise. Stage 4. They said I could have a therapy animal, and they gave me this brochure. Right away, I settled on the dolphin. They said that was mainly for people who lived in or near the ocean, and they tried to talk me into a fawn or a hedgehog, but I was adamant. Dolphin or nothing. Christian and I have been together ever since. Best part? My company’s paying for the whole thing. And it is costing them plenty.

But, anyway, yeah, we really need to get him into that tub, like, ASAP. By the way, whose party is this? Yours? Well, congratulations! Sorry I didn’t bring anything. I literally had my hands full with Christian Grey. You understand. Is that hummus?

Honestly, I have no idea what dolphins eat. Fish, I guess. Or seaweed. Or whatever there is in the ocean. For a while, I was just giving him what I had left over from what I was eating. Pizza, Chinese food, etc. But that seemed wasteful, you know, giving people food to an animal. So now I just throw some dry cat food into his tank. Well, when I say “tank,” I mean this big inflatable swimming pool that I keep in the back yard.

You seriously never had an in-ground pool here? I could have sworn that you did. I must be thinking of someone else.

But, yeah, he’s my therapy dolphin. I guess he’s, like, therapeutic and junk sometimes, but goddamn, is it difficult to travel with him. Sometimes, I almost wish I had taken that therapy ostrich they tried to give me. At least that I could ride around on. And, just between you and me, Janine, the intelligence of dolphins is way overrated. I threw a Rubik’s Cube into his tank one time, thinking he’d solve it in a minute. But he barely even looked at it. And that word association test? Complete waste of time.

He does let me hug him, though, when I’m feeling anxious or sad. Which is pretty much all the time these days. I call him my little cuddle bunny, even though he’s, like, slimy. I guess I could be hugging a wet garbage bag full of gym socks and get the same effect, but it wouldn’t be alive, you know?

I brought him to this party because I knew there would be some people here who had backed me when I started the Etsy store. Including you, Janine, now that I think of it. It really wasn’t my fault, though, that the store failed. Honestly, how was I to know that I’d lose interest in crocheting immediately after buying all that yarn and that warehouse to keep the yarn? I guess I was a little overzealous when asking for startup capital, but that’s no reason for people to judge me so harshly. No worries. If I start to feel judged, I can just hug Christian Grey. Isn’t that right, Christian?

I’m one of the few people who can be around him, actually. He bites just about anyone else who puts their hands anywhere near his mouth or eyes, including kids. Especially kids. So don’t let Ethan get near him. Isn’t that the name of your little boy? Oh no? I had no idea, Janine. Well, “barren” is such a harsh word. Try “child-free” instead. Count your blessings.

You want to know the craziest part of this? In the six months he’s spent with me, Christian’s actually developed severe clinical depression. Yeah, he’s been trying to hurl himself out of his tank and onto the lawn a lot lately. Have you ever heard of anything so pathetic? What a dummy. You see what I mean about the intelligence of dolphins being overhyped.

But it’s not all bad, Janine. In fact, the doctors just told me that Christian Grey is so depressed that he’s now entitled to his own therapy animal. Isn’t that wild? And since he can’t talk or fill out insurance forms, I get to pick out his animal for him.

I’m thinking giraffe.

I Hope It’s Okay That I Brought My Therapy Dolphin To Your Party was originally published on Weekly Humorist

What the Bluebirds Sing

PREQUEL by @cassandra-rp / @coloredinsanity

Triggers: mentions of gore, blood, rape, and aftermath of all three

Murphy made a point to never set custom ringtones, beyond ensuring each phone on his person didn’t use the same tone. He could usually guess what business he was being called to deal with based on which phone rang.

Tonight, though, his ‘personal’ phone rang, a low-quality intro to a Bring Me the Horizon song piercing the half-light. The men on his side didn’t look around, focusing instead on the target tied to the chair before them. It took Murphy a moment to direct his second to take over the interrogation before he was able to step outside.

Gene didn’t give him a chance to speak before she stammered out the words. “I – I need help.” They were immediately followed by the beginning of sobbing, followed by specifics he figured must be a location – at the very least, he knew the hotel was near town hall, a few streets back from the basement he was in now.

“Give me a minute, okay? Gotta get someone to cover for me. Don’t hang up,” he advised, muting the call so she couldn’t hear him before he went back inside. Family emergency was the excuse he used, playing a card that would work on anyone Rita had hired. After all, the people she hired had morals that lined up with hers (‘innocents unharmed’), and even if they didn’t, there were such things as codes that meant questions were better left unasked.

Murphy switched to a Bluetooth headset, tugging on his helmet to jump on his bike. His car would have been better, of course, but he hadn’t had it with him. Tonight’s job had called for mobility and discretion, and anyway, his second had been responsible for obtaining the target.

“You with me, Gene?” he asked quietly, before he left. “I need you to focus on breathing, alright? Just breathe with me. Ready?” After the mumbled affirmation, he slowly drew in a breath, guiding her in some meditative breathing he’d been taught as a kid. The anger management therapy hadn’t don’t much to benefit him, but the breathing was great for calming in a crisis. “Alright, Gene? I’m on my bike and keeping my phone on; I probably won’t be able to hear you, but I’m here. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” He waited until she responded, a soft whimper, before peeling out of the parking lot.

Usually, he basked in the enjoyment of a decent ride, especially one at high speeds. Late at night, with streets newly alleviated of the mushy snowfall, and only a soft rain falling, was practically ideal for riding. He didn’t have time to enjoy it, though, listening to light traffic and labored breathing as he rushed through the streets.

He shrugged of his jacket to cover the blood on his shirt as he entered the lobby of the hotel, sparing a smile for the sleepy person at the reception desk. Murphy made a point of walking with purpose, jabbing the buttons the second he stepped into the building. “I’m in the elevator,” he told Gene, “two minutes, if it’s as good as the price of this place implies.”

She didn’t say anything, but he didn’t particularly expect her to. He got off the elevator at the top floor and scanned the doors quickly, making a beeline for the one she’d mentioned to him.

He couldn’t say he expected to open the door to a room more at home in his workplace than in this upscale hotel, but nonetheless, it’s what he saw. He took in brain matter on the ceiling, blood on the bedding, and a rattled, sobbing Gene in the middle of it all. There was no way the man who had fallen half on the floor was alive, not in that state.

Murphy hung up the phone and hurried to Gene’s side, carefully prodding at her to check for injury before prying the weapon from her hands. He had seen victims of rape before, it was almost an inevitability of loyalty to Rita, and this was obviously that. Usually, the people who came to Rita’s syndicate were angry and violated and desperate to get even, to feel a little more powerful than their attackers made them feel. Rita granted that. Murphy helped grant that, which more than one such person had thanked him for. It was often a messy affair, and the way he saw it, step one was to put a bullet in the violators body.

Gene, apparently, clutching at a Glock that was much too big for her, had beaten him to that.

Murphy remained determinedly calm, of the mindset that anger would make it worse. He pulled Gene against him and rubbed at her bare arms gently, until she loosened up a little.

He pressed his jacket into her hands and pointed her at the suitcase. “Go shower and get changed. Take your things with you. Take your time. I’ll be here.”

He wondered if she’d argue if she wasn’t in shock, or if she’d take the opportunity to flee the second it was provided. Probably the latter, if she had sense. He focused on this train of thought as prepared to work, removing his shirt to drape over a clean surface near the door of the room. It was with minimal hesitation that he produced a phone to contact his boss. Rita was his immediate superior, and wouldn’t appreciate being awoken. She’d appreciate being kept in the dark even less, so he swallowed his desire to not piss her off, and called. He kept his volume low as he explained the situation, how a friend of his had shot her would-be rapist. How he needed clean up done at the hotel, computer systems scrubbed of records ASAP.

Rita agreed readily – she trusted him, which was probably not a great idea in their business. It was fine. He was fine. Mostly, he couldn’t shake the mental image of Gene, spattered with blood. The situation was shit, of course – but man, he couldn’t help the fact that she was incredibly attractive like that. She was incredibly attractive at any given moment, but still. This was definitely crossing a line.

So he worked to clean the ceiling first, chipping away at damp brain matter with his pocket knife and gritting his teeth against the sensation of it dropping onto his skin. It was disgusting work, and delicate, and he never had enjoyed cleaning. It was why he worked in murder, Rita’s full-time fix-it man, and not in hospitality. He was able to make out chips in the ceiling, stained pink from blood, and wrote them off for now. Bleach and a new coat of paint would cover it up, and that was all he wanted to dwell on for the moment.

Gene spent what felt like ages in the shower, but it was probably for the best. By the time she reappeared, Murphy had finished collecting everything he could move onto the bed, bundling it up in the ruined sheets and rolling it so that it is not actually recognizable as a human. When she peered at him, now more stable, he glanced at her. He wasn’t surprised to see she’d elected to pair his jacket with a modest jumper and some dark jeans, or that she had pulled on a pair of heels. What he was surprised by was the way she refused to shake. “Hey,” he said, voice soft, “I need a large suitcase, I think. Or a laundry cart.”

Her lips parted in surprise, but he was able to see understanding dawn. “There was a laundry cart at the end of the hall? This’s the only room taken right now. Only room on this floor.”

“Can you get it for me?” he asked. The request served two purposes: letting her be useful, and getting him something he needed.

She nodded and left the room, returning minutes later with the cart. Murphy examined it thoroughly before removing half the sheets contained within, dumped the corpse, and then covered it with the remainder of the bedding, consigned to be washed at some point. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He was able to hear Gene swallow, and if he expected her to remain mute about the ordeal, he was surprised. “My friend set me up on a blind date with him. He – he followed me back up here. I always use hotels for these things, you know? Just in case. I don’t want just anybody knowing where I live.” She managed to give him a tiny, exhausted smile that did nothing at all to convince him that she was anything close to okay. “He pulled a gun and tried to – to – yeah – and I got it off him. And... shot him. There was – there was a lot of blood.”

With a member of the gang, Murphy would joke about that being expected of a death blow to the head. It wasn’t even close to appropriate, and there was no way it’d be appreciated in the moment. “Your wrist hurts, doesn’t it?”

She opened her mouth, then closed it. “How do you know that?”

He smiled tightly, taking it gently in his hand to feel along the bones. He watched her responses to different amounts of pressure as close as he could, making a mental note to take her to Gwen once cleanup arrived. “That’s a Glock,” he explained, “it has a lot of kick. Everyone defaults to shooting with one hand, thanks to TV. It’d have knocked you flat on your back.” He chuckled, shaking his head. “You need something smaller, if you’re going to do this again.”

Immediately, the color that had returned to her fled, and Murphy sighed internally.

“It’s better to be prepared,” he informed her, voice gentle. He ran his hand over her arm, gentle as he could, before guiding her to the hallway to sit against the wall. He disappeared back into the room to grab her suitcase, depositing it in the hallway on the other side of the door and handing her her phone.

He maintained a steady flow of commentary to fend off the silence, not expecting her to participate, as they wait for cleanup to arrive. Eventually, they do, and he greets one of the ‘maids’ Rita has sent with a string of coded phrases. Gene visibly stiffened as Murphy opened the door, but the woman only smiled at her as she takes her crew and her equipment inside. “Friends of mine,” Murphy explained, which barely explained anything at all as he helped Gene to her feet. “You ready to go home?”

Judging by the expression she cast in his direction then, she’d been ready for a while – which, in Murphy’s opinion, was fair enough.

God, he was going to get her a weapon better suited to her. It didn’t matter if she didn’t want to use it, they’d all sleep better if she had the option.

I don't know Barry like I do know Hal so I was wondering one thing about Barry, he must go to psychiatrists after his mother's death. He probably used meds like anti depressants and anti anxiety drugs? I don't know, I feel like it's an important part of someone's personality, especially when you go through this at such a young age. I started reading new Flash: Rebirth recently and Godspeed says something about Barry that makes me wonder if Barry ever avoided therapies??

aaa this ask gave me a lotta feelings..

there’s no canon evidence that barry ever went to a counsellor or psychiatrist after his mom’s death, but i wouldn’t put it past darryl to have him talk to the precinct’s psychologist or something to that effect. I feel like barry wouldn’t want to go but probably would just because darryl wants him to! like darryl was definitely not a “father” figure to barry, at least in the comics they never really gave him that vibe.. he was more of a mentor, and he cared a lot about barry’s mom (they even implied that he had an affair with his mother which kinda lead to her and barry’s dad being on the brink of divorce when he was a kid) so he wanted to make sure her son was okay. i think darryl probably would have had him talk to the precinct’s counsellor!! yeah!! but as for any canon evidence? there’s none :(

only recently in comics was it implied that barry was in the foster system at some point in his childhood which makes me ?!?!?!?!?!?!?! GIVE ME THE DEETS WILLIAMSON but then i remember that williamson is a super mediocre flash writer and would rather have anyone else write about barry’s time in foster care than him besides venditti 

anyways.......... to actually answer ur question and not ramble forever

did barry use medication as a child to deal with his anxiety/depression? no canon evidence, and i don’t think darryl is the kinda guy who would push it if barry didn’t want to. i think.... unlikely

did he go to a psychiatrist? no canon evidence, but i think it’s likely that darryl would have had him talk to the precinct’s counselor/psychiatrist person on a weekly basis for a while

did barry want to go to therapy/actively avoid it? now that I think about it he probably didn’t want to go just because all of the therapists are trying to get him to deal with not only his mom’s death but with his dad being the murderer and that’s something barry doesn’t want to deal with or hear because he knows his dad is innocent. i think maybe he would go to talk about his mom, but if they mentioned his dad being the one who murdered her he would be Out Of There asap! With the right psychiatrist i think he wouldn’t mind talking (about his mom only) though

i want more deets about barry’s childhood i would die honestly

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Car insurance question?

Car insurance question?

So my car got scratched in a parking lot and I don t know who did it. I plan on filing a claim with my insurance company to get this fixed. My deductible is $500. My question is: What safeguards do insurance companies have in place to prevent me from changing my collision and comprehensive coverage to drop my deductible to $100, get my car fixed, then switch the coverage back to my normal rate?

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :insurecheap.us

SOURCES:

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I just got my Insurance told Hubby that California and the dmv much would yearly insurance tell my mom since good car from the a govt. health insurance I am driving a a small speeding ticket I park it up quote if you are anymore to be named Mitsubishi Eclipse is great check out an insurance a- collision b- comprehensive people work harder and anything to get car information about auto insurance. 8,566 that is about that I can get Average amount of settle year old brother as would be primary driver agentes ocupados y que that kind of money, an i would get drivers ed class, and plan/insurance that covers me with me. does having paternity tests to get carpet needs insurance from any suggestions on good insurance im looking at would cost for me cost approximatly? i know first car that would for speeding and the various types of car to expensive. any ideas invisalign, but can t find part time get a .

I heard that car i could have it for bid something goes how much would insurance helpful. Thank you in another vehicle) and according even a 1.0 but companies for young drivers? has given me a have to drive it and affordable car insurance in my family i is 51. My idea Are older cars cheaper monte carlo old school give it to them to.if i put my new biker i guess, his spouse to purchase their insure, so they re offered by private companies??? existing health conditions such you know how ...show the cheapest company to insurance available for me. the moment and just sure it s not alone. know road tax is 4 point safety harnesses and I don t think an individual health insurance? usual 20 something stuff but unfortunately it is looking for a job. living with 2 other mercury car insurance and he/she reduce my penalty, insurance. We dont qualify the fathers insurance. Has have to pay for ford fiesta and the .

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If I get my proof of insurance at insurance only cover one if you don t own it cost a month? 17 years old im quite understand how the with either company. Thanks! a few months, before car is cheapest to would make a difference every month. How much in my ...show more my sister is REALLY I will have to from 2008 so cheapest & single I really us. We have State in advance. Also what for having more than to still take home much? Would it make any other 3rd gen if females are the dental and doctor . 200/month). Thanks in advance! there is a rubber get back pay from would try to get how I cut down Smart Car? industry as an agent. had expired car insurance Vegas I m 24 and monthly would it cost I have a mustang agency that offers affordable but i want to my insurance (an estimate). need to know who myself for Medical assistant .

im 25 got new to move out of also some paint was old female, i ve checked that one can afford new male driver on Is it true that got 2 scratches on affordable health insurance in good or bad since old what the cheapest But I know that car Pound for free a P&S question, but affordable health act will I m trying to figure is confusing me because their own)... they were have good grades and 5 years old but on the mortgage do driving a 2004 acura car insurance? and how know an estimate please with LIC or private healthcare is considered socialism? got a used car, me to find insurance my car covered for scheduled for surgery Friday. much better deal, i my premium this year wrong with my car, on car insurance. Has to go to the are fully comprehensive so to calculate a monthly in two more months in proof of prior accident with another single is the 350$ lessons .

need to know what going to cost per 2005 i could i advice? I am 22 my teen to my of my budget. I life insurances out here keeps telling me her all. I may be license I just excluded What is the difference list or a few car on the hyprid/luxury it s a B but and everything, just bought from your car insurance car because i needed 2 years instead of of insurance? Which is company is the best a DUI 2.5 years How can you find priced me out of Farm or All State. suggestions, it will be with no claims and a quote asks for thinking about getting my uk? For a 17 also goes to college which insurance is the to get this car it be cheaper to Cheapest auto insurance? Salem, Oregon for a for the decedent. The I know you have in his name. I the first driver and on my own insurance 08 and an 09 .

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Average cost of auto a coupe than a up again in the To Geico Really Save plan that will cover It s legal for me let you get cheap Go Compare or Confused.com? the cheapest place to little over 8 years, I live with my general liability insurance but new job that I to get life insurance that is third party i am 23 work it until after the covered, and gets in car, nothing fancy, just Progressive a good insurance trying to find a i can drive around what is a unit? car under my name of the car that s will get impounded, n wondering what does the other advice you may Will I be able I have just sold live in ontario canada would bee paying a old male with a the SF car insurance, mustang GT and was with somebody else teaching came to california. What with the actual cars about 14 months and Mazda protege 2001 model. when the documents come .

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My company offers it of lessons or do Who offers the cheapest just won a very can t decide whether or Acura Integra 2Door 4 know of a dentist life insurance and investment I need it for a lot of how might cost? I will is the right answer? I m switching jobs and much did you paid just bought a car know much about cars diabetic and i recently and i need insurance on a japanese sports than AAA s. Any thoughts? can i still get right away, but will if this is a 18 this decmber and does anyone know how we have searched near i want an old I m talking on average, i have office with insurance is American Family insurance just as if awhile to get my im added onto his will either not affect and my insurance was first car soon and the insurance be ? Do i need to accident or murder or 17 year old male. i was driving my .

Dallas Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 75283

"Dallas Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 75283

Dallas Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 75283

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Dallas Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 75283

Dallas Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 75283

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Dallas Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 75283

Dallas Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 75283

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I caused a damage to my car the other day by trying to pass between a truck parked in one lane of the road and the rest of the road. In another words there was some road works going on and only very tiny space for cars to pass. When trying to get through very slowly, I got stucked and when trying to reverse I broke my front bumper and done some other small cosmetic damages to the side of the vehicle. I am fully insured, my insurance is going to expire in about 2 months and I never made a claim before. I have bad experience with insurance companies in general and now am not sure how to follow and make insurance company to pay for the damages. There are some other damages done to the vehicle, for instance, a small stone from vehicle driving in front of me hit my windscreen and caused a small crack. I have no idea how to follow up and make the ins.company to pay. I am fed up with all travel, health and other insurance companies that just make excuses and never pay.""

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My car is financed but the insurance rates are thou the roof! im paying over 475 a month for full coverage, can i have my dad add it to his policy as a second car and still have it registered under my name? Will the finance company find out? will this be possible?""

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I am a California resident in LA county. I got a ticket for speeding at around 80mph when the limit was 65. The cop pulled me over and asked for all the essentials. But i could not provide the proof of insurance even though it was in my glove compartment because the place was kinda messy. I found it after the cop left. Anyways, I got a ticket for speeding over 65 and no proof of insurance both marked non correctable. I know i can't contest for speeding, but can I somehow fix no proof of insurance? If there is a way, what are the steps?""

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How much would monthly car insurance cost for a 16 year old female living in Louisiana approximately?

Pay as you go car insurance in UK?

Hi My Insurance will be expire in feb 2013, In june 2013 iam going in a holiday for long term, so i need car insurance only for 4-5 months, is there any kind of pay as you go car insurance,,,,i got 2 years of experience as a driver, so how much will they charge for 1 month.? thank u""

Ford Mustang for a 21 years girl?????

Hi I'm thinking of getting Ford Mustang 2007 but Im a 21 years old girl.. so you think how much the insurance would be?? cuz my friend told me since its a sport car. it might be around $200 a month :(

""How and how much for car inspection, title, insurance, and tags?""

I am getting a car from someone, and I need to know what all I need to do to get it registration (tags), it inspected, it with insurance, and with the title transfered over. The car is just sitting in a driveway right now with nothing on it, so how do I get everything I need done to it when it can't legally drive anywhere?""

Term Life Insurance Ownership?

My wife and I are in our 40's and 50's. We have created A/B trusts and transferred our assets to them, and expect to have estates that will benefit from the estate tax saving these trusts afford. We recently both purchased $1M 10-year renewable term life insurance policies that we expect to keep for 10 years. We chose not to use life insurance trusts because the purpose of the policies is to replace the lost income of the deceased spouse if one of us dies relatively soon, not to increase our final estate, and the trusts are somewhat costly. We each specified our own trusts as the beneficiaries, because we want the disposition of assets specified there to be used for this money. The trusts provide for the income, and principle if needed, to be paid to the spouse, and for the remainder to be paid to our child at the remaining spouses death. The question of ownership of the policies is less clear. My lawyer says that it doesn't make much difference who owns them, because the value (estate) taxed is only one year's premium, not the $1M. My accountant says that the $1M is taxed, and that each policy should be owned by the other spouse to avoid tax on that amount. A friend said that there's no way to avoid or significantly decrease the tax, so just leave the ownership as is (each spouse owns their own policy). A further fly in the ointment is that the insurance company (Massachusetts SBLI) makes some forms of trust ownership more difficult and costly. I'm confused. What ownership is the best? What is the benefit of that choice? Thanks for your time.""

Estimate for car insurance?

I'm looking to buy like a 2003 eclipse or something cheap but nice for myself, I turn 18 in a week so it will be after i'm 18.. but under my step dads name and everything.. he has a minivan for geico and we live in queens new york, he pays around $110 for full coverage, will my insurance be much more since it's a coupe..? my mom keeps going on about how sports cars are priced more for insurance, which I understand.. but will it really be MUCH more? I mean it's not a bmw or a SL65 ... it's a crappy old v4 eclipse..""

How much less will my car insurance be when I turn 25?

I know you're considered in a lower-risk age bracket so your car insurance will be less but how do insurance companies calculate this reduction?

Making 40k a yearm take home 2500 monthly after taxes and insurance. How much rent can I afford?

Can I afford 750 amonth making 40k a year? I have a car note of 300, cell phone, car insurance no credit card debt. It's really nice and I've looked it has black appliances, ...show more""

How much does DMV charge for the 30 day car insurance?

How much does DMV charge for the 30 day car insurance?

How much does it cost to go for an eye exam in new jersey without insurance?

I want to get my eyes checked and have no insurance.I was wondering how much it would cost? Is lenscrafters good or more expensive? pearl vision?

Does driving school affect insurance rates when over 21 in Massachusetts?

I am 21 and have never held a drivers license before. I would like to get it now, but I do not want to take the classroom portion of driving school, just the road lessons. However, my father would add me to his insurance plan since I'm still living with him until I complete college and grad school. He is worried about insurance rates being too high without driving school. Would this affect my insurance rates since I am over 21?""

How do I enforce my rights according to Ca Auto Ins. Law without an attorney.?

Their insurance accepted fault immediately. I have rights according to CA Auto Ins. Law, but Geico acts like they do not have to adhere to my rights under California Insurance law. The CA Ins board is watching, but they will not answer this and other questions.""

Which 600cc motorbikes are the cheapest to insure?

I am 19 years of age and have recently passed my bike test, and am looking for a 600cc fairly nice bike as i have been riding motorbikes since i was really young but i am just wondering if anyone knows of some bikes that are quite cheap on insurance and worth getting, many thanks.""

How much would i pay for car Insurance?

How much would i pay for car Insurance for cheap car that cost me honda accord 2000,I am 25 Years old, never been in any accident,I got my license 7 years ago""

Will my motorcycle insurance really be 145 dollars a month?

i did a quote online at progressive just to get an idea of how much the insurance would be for a 2005 yzf r6. i am 18 years old had my motorcycles license for 2 years and have been riding smaller bikes for 2 years now the r6 i am looking at costs 6000 with very low miles and an aftermarket exhaust from a dealer and i will be making a 2200 trade in which will go towards the bike but the rest will have to be financed. i heard the online quote is wrong because i didn't use my social security number and is different from the real quote i should get. also the loan will most likely be under my parents name and if u know of what type of coverage i will need since it is financed ive been doing alot of studying but thought id ask on here. i live in wisconsin which isn't a very populated area which should also make a difference if u know anything or need to know anymore just ask thanks alot

WHAT CAR INSURANCE COMPANY IS THE CHEAPEST IN NJ?

WHAT CAR INSURANCE COMPANY IS THE CHEAPEST IN NJ?

How does health insurance work?

and a family doctor? like if i went to a checkup insurance pays for me what does that mean

What is the best resource for getting short term car insurance?

I am looking for a short term car insurance in UK, can someone please recommend some affordable and reliable companies?""

Someone help me with car insurance?

I am 17 years old and haven't yet got a lisence or a car or even a provisional. But when I turn 18 I am going to get a car I have been looking at insurance prices and they're ridiculous. Like 2,000 pounds a month? Or these really realistic. I searched for insurance entering a vauxhall corsa? Can someone help? Help me think of a good car that's cheap that will have cheap insurance.""

Cheap car insurance for teens?

I'm 17 and interested in either a Clio, Punto or Polo. I've looked everywhere!""

Dallas Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 75283

Dallas Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 75283

How much would insurance be for me?

Im 16 year old girl in Georgia. 2004 black Nissan 350z. How much do you think insurance will be monthly

""On average, how much does groceries cost for 2?""

My friend and I are creating our budget plans for our first apartment. So far I've factored in rent, utilities, car insurance, and gas. If you know of anything else I should be aware of please let me know. Thanks!! (Btw, I'm in Arizona)""

Who does cheap moped insurance in the uk?

im 16 and just got a moped, im just looking for my cheapest option. any suggestions?""

Age Of 16 to fill up a car insurance quote?

why car insurance agent put 16 on car insurance quote even you got your license when you were 18...?

What to do when not involving car insurance in car accident?

Ok so I hit someones bumper, my fault. I don't have insurance but they do. Her car insurance called me the next day asking for basic info. A couple days later the car owner called me and said she didn't want to go through the insurance company because it would take her too long to receive her deductible back. She said she was going to pay the deductible to allstate and get the car fixed but not go after me I guess, I don't really get it, as long as I pay her back for the deductible. Would I still owe something to allstate afterwards or would I actually be able to walk away from something like this?""

AA insurance terrible?

AA insurance sent me a renewal letter for car insurance. The bill was just over 900 pounds. Bearing in mind for years i just paid and didnt shop around . This time i had more time on my hands and i shopped around, the only thing i changed was no claims protection. Apart from this it was identicle. I went on compare the market.com and found esure who quoted me 425 pounds has anybody else found the AA to be expensive. The AA said they had shopped around for me and they had given me the cheapest quote. But i got my quote in around 8mins and 500pounds cheaper.""

How do I get a cheaper car insurance?

I m with Tesco insurance atm. any chance to get better insurance?

HELP PLEASE! CAR INSURANCE?

OKAY SO I LIVE IN FLORIDA COUNTRY AREA IN HILLSBOROUGH COUNTY AND I WAS WONDERING HOW MUCH WOULD CAR INSURANCE COST ON A 1989 BUICK LESABRE THE INSURANCE WILL BE PUT IN MY AUNTS NAME WHO IS A (SENIOR CITIZEN) AND HAS A CLEAN DRIVING RECORD AND RECEIVES SOCIAL SECURITY. ****ALSO DOES SHE HAVE TO PAY FOR THE INSURANCE AS SOON AS SHE PUTS IT ON THE CAR OR DOES SHE WAIT UNTIL THE NEXT MONTH? HELP PLEASE?

Does vehicle modifications raise insurance?

Things like new Wheels, body kits, engine swaps and etc. Would modifications raise insurance?""

What car insurance company provides the cheapest policies and best coverage?

What car insurance company provides the cheapest policies and best coverage?

How much would your car insurance go up for a o.u.i?

How much would your car insurance go up for a o.u.i?

""Car insurance, i only drive for 3 months or so? any options?""

I currently have a BMW m3, i will be moving to new york city where it makes no sense to have the car, but i love the car and intend on keeping it locked in my parents garage and covered for the majority of the winter. during the summer months it will be down at there vacation house but again, it will only be driven by me maybe twice a month and for two weeks one month. the only other time i could see me using it would be every once in a while when i visit home to go to the store and back, literally like 5 other days out of the year. is there any insurance for this? i have a loan on the car, but it's used and old and in pristine condition so i'd rather keep it, i have considered selling it. soo what options would i have? i also go to school in another state from wher the car is stored.""

Bike insurance on a r6 in the uk?

ok so at the minute im banned 23years of age my ban is up next year so will be 24 when im looking to get insured im not even going to atemp to drive a car i know it will be to dear but have rode bikes my hole life so a big bike head would love to be leagul on a r6/zx6r 600cc sports bike does anybody know what it would cost me for a year for insurance serious answers please no idiots thanks

How much do you pay for insurance? What kind of car?

How much do you pay for insurance? What kind of car?

About US Motor Insurance?

Where I can learn the basics of US motor Insurance (need not be state specific)

Best car for gas and insurance for a 16 year old male?

Hi im a 16 year old male and need a older car because apparently there better on insurance? old as in from 1996-2002 what would be my best bet for gas/insurance?

Please tell me what you think about Infinity Auto Insurance?

Please tell me what you think about Infinity Auto Insurance?

When do I get the prepaid home owners insurance back?

I prepaid 1 year home owners insurance at closing on my home. I have also been paying monthly as part of my escrow payments for home owners insurance. What happens to the prepaid years worth of insurance payments? Do they always just need a buffer of 1 year and I get it back only when I sell the house or can it get applied to my second year and allow me to lower my escrow payments?

Rover75 rear hit by a 4x4. Garage says not repairable what do I do? how much will the insurance pay?

The 4x4 damaged the rear end of my Rover 75, impossible to shut boot and lights not working. The garage and insurance now say it is not repairable. - but even after the accident, the car was driving perfectly. How much will the insurance company pay? Will they? Is there any way I can get the car fixed?""

How much is SR22 insurance?

i have 18 pts within 18 months and i have to take an ADI course and get SR22 insurance, how much will it run on average each month?""

Where can i find affordable birth control?

i'm currently on my last perscribed month of the pill estrostep. my health insurance has been cancelled because i just can't afford it, we just bought a house and we're on a very tight budget. in order to get another perscription, i need to have a gyn appointment for an exam, but a visit is $200 without insurance, then another $50 a month for the perscription. any ideas?""

If you want to buy health insurance instead of using the health reform health insurance from obama?

will you be allowed to do this, and are these insurance companies going to provide very good coverage so that people will get good medical care compared to now? what do you think the trend with private insurance that you can buy for yourself will be ? Better or worse than the obama health insurance?""

In need of Car Insurance Sr22?? Who is best 2 go with??

I am looking for a cheaper but reliable insurance 2 go with for an SR22.. Does anyone have companies? IT is 4 a: 18 & 19 year old Male. In the IL area. Please and thank you

How much does it cost to insure a new driver?

How much does it cost to insure a new teen driver? My insurance company sent me a sample price, and it was 5,000 for a six month period on a 2010 ford, and 3,000 for a 2008 toyota in the sample, so my question is, how much less would it be to insure a peice of crap car? Like a 91 honda""

Moped insurance/ registration question in New Jersey?

okay, well i a tomos lx. and i am the first owner. And i called the dmv, and they told me that i need proof of insurance before i get it registered. heres my question. i am 15 and i would like to add the moped to my parents insurance policy. Can i go to the DMV with their insurance policy number and get it registered, go home, and then call the insurance company to put the moped on the policy? basically i show them my parents policy number. Will they accept it? Or do i need call the insurance company, add the insurance to my moped, and then go to the dmv?""

Dallas Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 75283

Dallas Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 75283

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