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Bro what if. What if I. What if. Hear me out, WHAT. if..... I made a mini choose your adventure sort of thing,, but used polls to let y’all pick options...

Before the first season of Arcane premiered Riot released this interactive visual novel for the Riot x Arcane event. The setting was a hybrid of LoL and Arcane's universe, Piltover literally on top of Zaun, Cait is the Sheriff, but characters like Silco exist. The whole premise for the story is that Jinx stole some hextech and tapped into the Arcane oand opened a rift between worlds.

That's a lot. Personally I enjoyed this more to just see some characters out in the wild. Silco gets to be his charming self to you, the self-insert reader that's trying to find the culprit of the heist, which he knows was his kid.

Here's Jayce hating on Silco for something Jinx did.

This came out before the show did, so it's interesting to see how the game wants us perceive the characters' dynamics before we get further depth from the show. Most of it's related to Jinx because she makes herself the center of controversy.

For characters like Vi, who's already an enforcer that works directly under Sheriff Caitlyn in this world, she's clearly over Jinx's actions and wants to squash any further escalations.

Sevika is just as harsh and plainly sick of Jinx. I do find it interesting that the novel makes it clear tha Sevika believes that Jinx deserves some kind of punishment, though Jinx did endanger them all by ripping realities into eachother.

The only sympathetic voice outside of Silco in this story comes from Viktor, who after finding out Jinx was responsible for the Rift between realities asks you to remember that she's a real person that lived a life just like him. He goes so far as to contemplate another way to solve the situation and avoid a confrontation that may end with terrible consequences. (It's wild because the show then dedicates a whole scene to him defusing one of her bombs).

My favorite part is near the end where Silco tries to stop Jinx from harnessing anymore Arcane energy because it threatens to upend their reality.

I WISH they got to talk like this to eachother in the show, but so much was happening already. Even better Jinx gets the last words in and it justlays out what's ALWAYS been there.

This scene helped me understand that Jinx was always going to fire her rocket at the council, because she and Silco have both always been motivated to by power. They both know what it's like to be perceived as "weak" and they way it destroyed their lives respectively. It's kind of the reverse of what Mel and Ambessa have going on, you've got the diplomatic intrigue parent and the militarily minded daughter who wants to go further and absolutely will when you're not looking. And that's always been the thing with Jinx, if you give her any form of power, either a gun, a grenade, a rocket, or even magic she will take it and she will use it.

Right after this confrontation you have to defeat Jinx with the Power of Friednship or something (it's been a while). But even as put an end to the near calamity Jinx created there's at least one voice before it ends affirming Jinx's personhood.

It's weird honestly, Jinx didn't turn into vapor or anything, the story's pretty vague about what happens as you try to defeat her.

Well the novel's good when it's good anyway.

For the Vee-Swap AU, how does the Vee polycule develop? The polyvee shippers (me) need to know!!

HEHE OK OK SO putting it under cut bc it ended up longer than i anticipated LOL

as you already know, velvox is the established relationship in this au. and as i believe i mentioned before, velvette and val are sinstagram mutuals, it's how val finds out about the hotel. on val's part, falling for velvette isn't really a surprise to him - back when they just knew each other through social media, he already found her attractive, admired her work and they got along well, so all that turning into a full-on crush when he gets to know her better isn't very shocking. his relationship with vox is where it gets interesting, because it starts out rocky. i mentioned before that vox can tell that val's putting on an act. but because vox obv can't relate to val's situation, val just sees it as vox pitying him and refuses his help. a turning point comes in ep 4 - in the swap au, it actually starts raining during loser baby, which results in val getting sick. vox helps him out and they have a tender moment, maybe a little heart-to-heart (its hard to just describe, i will make a comic/ficlet of it at one point so you'll see :3). their relationship starts getting better from that point on, and soon enough val finds himself falling for vox. (it's funny, really - ep 4 in the swap au leads to the bettering of a grand total of 3 relationships: al & val's, vox & val's and indirectly al & vox's. load bearing episode LOL) on vox and velvette's part, well. val is a douche at the start of the story, much like canon!angel, but vox and velvette can both tell that there's a heart of gold in there somewhere. vox because of the aformentioned seeing through val's facade, and velvette because she, in fact, wasn't mutuals with val's official account, but with his art account, where he keeps his identity hidden. he shows his softer side a lot more on there, and so that's mainly the side of him that velvette knew (so now imagine the whiplash when she actually meets him in person and he's an obnoxious jerk LOL) (i dont know if valentino being an artist is actually canon - i read it on the fandom wiki and fandom wikis cant rly be trusted LOL but in any case if its not canon then its a neat hc that i incorporated into swap!val's character) but anyway yeah, vox and velvette both start falling for val as he slowly becomes more true to himself and starts showing that soft side more. eventually the two of them talk about it um. somewhere around ep 6 i think? maybe? somewhere between eps 6 and 7? something like that. anyway. there we get some juicy conflict - they agree that theyre both in love with val and wanna give the whole polyamory thing a try if he's up for it, but while velvette wants to confess as soon as possible (she's scared that one of them might die in the battle), vox wants to wait until after the battle, because the stress levels are high in the hotel right now, and he doesn't want val to feel pressured. during the last night before the battle, in a scene vaguely equivalent to more than anything (reprise), they make up, velvette admits that vox is right, and they decide to confess to val after the extermination. and then yeah they do that (it's one of the 2 things that i'm sure i want to happen at the beginning of season 2), val is like "HELL YEAH I WANNA BE IN A POLYCULE WITH YOU GUYS" and they're a polycule and its awesome :3

Sorry to ask something somewhat related to the recent discourse, but do you have any advice to someone trying to teach themselves lit analysis or lit theory? Seems like most online advice ends at "get an English degree lol"

first of all sorry for leaving this for so long, between work and various other Demands in my life i didn’t really have the time/energy to sit down and write up a proper answer for a while. anyway: imo, what’s more important than working your way through a long list of critical theory is honing an ability to respond to a text yourself; being able to take notice of your emotional responses, being able to ask questions about what the text does and what it responds to and whether you think it succeeds or fails. questions like ‘what is the text about?’ are often too vague, and assume that critical practice is a task limited to investigating the ‘correct’ metaphysical properties of a text that we have to uncover, as well as presenting literature as wholly utilitarian (under this framework, a text becomes a vehicle for a ‘theme,’ and nothing more.) in the list below, i’ve tried to be a little more precise about the kinds of questions that can help you become a more confident + critical reader.

[disclaimer: i am not any kind of expert, i have studied english lit at degree level and i do read a lot / make a habit of talking about what i read, but i would not consider myself especially ‘qualified’ and nor should you. i’m explaining a process that works for me, not providing a one-size-fits-all solution to the question of analytical methodology.]

the essence of literary practice is that a text has a terrain where it has to be met with, and where it will be accountable to forces that are often beyond its control or beyond its immediate borders, and a terrain where it asks to be met with, and towards which it will attempt to navigate the reader; the reader’s job is to meet with it on both terrains, synthesise them, and respond to them. so, some of the questions you should be asking about a text include:

what is its context? this can mean a lot of things: when and where was it written, and how might the conditions contemporary to its creation be informing the inner working of the text? is it considered part of a particular literary movement; how does it interact with the core characteristics of that movement? does it invoke other works; if so, how does it respond to them? what biographical information about the author might be relevant to the piece? some books will come with an introduction which, if written well, would cover at least the outstanding details on this list; you can also have a look on wikipedia or other such websites to get a feel for the conditions under which the text was created.

how does it respond to this context? rather than assuming a text to be a passive body onto which its external conditions are exerting their unilateral force, we should always understand a text as being in active dialogue with the context that shaped it. what are the questions typically posed within the movement or genre to which it belongs; how does it answer these questions? does it build on its predecessors in any way? if it’s a responsive text (ie. consistently invoking an earlier text), what does it have to say about the text to which it responds; how does it develop or contravene the template from which it was building? how might it be responding to the questions of its time; which paradigms are challenged? which are endorsed, actively or tacitly? what goes unmentioned? i emphasise critical engagement with context so heavily because it’s often where the meat of the text can be found. 

what are the conditions which made this text possible? this is a little different to questions about context, which have a far broader scope; this is a question which seeks to treat a text not as a thing that came into existence of its own accord, but as a thing that emerged as a result of a process of material production that depends upon particular conditions. is it a mainstream publishing house, or an indie press, or self-published? how does this affect its authority, or the standard to which we hold it? how does this affect its relationship to narratives of cultural hegemony? what can that tell us about what hegemony can and cannot absorb? this is me being a big marxist about it but i think this question is woefully neglected in literary studies lol

why did the author make the choices that they made? one of the most important things to remember when it comes to literary analysis is that every choice made in a text is deliberate; every choice about what happens, what a character says and does, what a character looks like, how particular characters interact, how scenes and objects and settings are described, what prose style is employed, what word is used in a sentence, etc., is a deliberate choice being made by an external agent (ie. the author, sometimes/arguably also the editor, also the translator if a text is in translation), and those choices are accountable both to the deliberations of the author and the external cultural narratives with which they necessarily enter into a dialogue. ‘why does a character behave in a particular way’ is not a question that invites you to treat the story like a riddle for which you can find an ‘answer,’ but a question that engenders the following: what does their behaviour reveal about the character, and how might this be situated within the discourse of the wider text? does this behaviour reveal any biases on the part of the author? what sort of expectations does this behaviour establish, and are those expectations met or neglected or subverted? the same process can be applied to themes, settings, plot beats - anything, really. why is this particular adjective used - does it have other connotations that the author might want to draw attention to in relation to the object being described? why does this chapter end here and not here? nobody in a novel has agency that extends beyond the boundaries of the novel itself; part of the practice of analysis means discerning which choices were made and why, and whether those choices were good or bad. 

what is your response? analysis is a misleading term for this practice; it’s less about dispassionately picking at a text in search of an ‘answer’ and more about evaluation - assessing the text’s successes and failures and cultivating your personal response to it, which means paying attention to your responses as you go along. some people would argue that ‘did you like/dislike this’ is a juvenile question, but i would disagree - knowing whether you liked or disliked something and being able to describe why it evoked that reaction in you is crucial to an evaluative practice. a text can be conceptually excellent, but falter if its prose is clunky or uninspired or unimaginative; being able to notice when a text isn’t engaging you and asking why that is is an important part of this evaluative process. similarly, what do you make of the themes and developments present in the text; does it dissect its themes with precision, or does it make broad gestures towards concepts without ever articulating them fully? is it original? does it have sufficient depth to it? do you agree with it? are you compelled by it? if you were asked the questions that the novel tries to respond to, what would you say; do you think that the novel misses anything out? has it challenged your own perspective? what are its limitations?

literary analysis is a learned skill, but by its nature of being a skill it gets a lot easier over time, and some of these questions will become intuitive. a good way to hone the skill and develop a greater intimacy with a text is through close reading; this refers to the practice of selecting a passage (or even just a sentence) and picking it apart line by line (word by word, even) to describe in intimate detail exactly how the sentence(s) came to be formed in the way that it/they did. i’ll use the first few sentences of daphne du maurier’s rebecca as an example.

Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again. It seemed to me I stood by the iron gate leading to the drive, and for a while I could not enter, for the way was barred to me. There was a padlock and chain upon the gate. I called in my dream to the lodge-keeper, and had no answer, and peering closer through the rusted spokes of the gate I saw that the lodge was uninhabited.

so a close reading of these sentences might identify:

‘last night i dreamt i went to manderley again’ is in iambic hexameter; this rhythmically satisfying invocation makes for a smooth opening sentence, and contrasts with the longer, more complex sentences that follow on. the change in rhythm through such a contrast helps to maintain momentum throughout the paragraph.

the first sentence also introduces a few key pieces of information - that this story is being told from the first person, that we are opening with a dream (and that the narrative places stock in the significance of dreams), and that the speaker is going to manderley ‘again’ - ie. that this is opening after an event in which manderley was significant. that the speaker going to manderley ‘again’ in a dream holds importance implies an exile from manderley in the ‘real’ world; this already gives us hints at the broader shape of the narrative. 

the speaker’s intimacy with manderley and disregard for ‘telling’ the reader what it is (we do not get, like, ‘manderley is a house’ or something - the passage continues as though we know what manderley is already) helps to develop our sense of immersion in the dreamscape. it also sets manderley up as a place of immense significance.

both ‘it seemed to me’ and the later ‘i called’ have a matter-of-factness to them, a certain dry reporting of the events of the dream which, rather than situating the reader within the texture of the dream itself, refortify us as outside of it, listening to it be explained after the fact.

‘for a while i could not enter, for the way was barred to me’ continues the theme of implied exile that the first sentence gestured towards. the iambic trimeter on ‘the way was barred to me’ creates a lilting cadence which, along with the use of the passive voice, detaches the speaker from an emotive response to this being ‘barred’; it is a reported dream that will not consciously acknowledge the speaker’s feelings about being exiled from manderley at this time. (we instead infer these feelings through how the chapter develops.)

‘there was a padlock and chain upon the gate,’ as a short sentence, falls into the same matter-of-fact register as that which i alluded to above, partly through the use of the passive voice, and - as i explained earlier - varies the length of sentences such that the paragraph retains a particular buoyancy. 

the development from the speaker calling to the lodge-keeper to not getting an answer to seeing that the lodge is uninhabited tells a story wherein the speaker at first has authority such that a lodge-keeper would respond to her and let her in; this authority is negated by the lack of response; the lodge-keeper is found to be absent in a development that took place whilst she was herself away, presumably in the state of exile that we have inferred her to be in. ‘uninhabited’ is the kind of word you would expect to be used for an area of land, often with a colonial connotation; this introduces a theme that this chapter (& the book as a whole) goes on to develop, of manderley being a site of colonial decay; as reinforced by the ‘rusted spokes.’

in my experience, close reading is a technique best practiced on poetry, but it’s a very helpful skill to develop in general, and implementing it with prose can elucidate the nuances of a text far more clearly than you might initially realise. in a well-written novel, language is very deliberate and precise!

i think the best thing you can do to develop your skills as a critical reader is to read carefully, and to keep track of your responses to a text as best as possible. keeping a note of what you think a text achieves and how you respond to it each time you read one can be a good way of sorting your thoughts into something coherent and developing your ability to articulate a response. anyway, hopefully this has provided something resembling a guide for how to develop the thought processes that go behind critical practice!

proving kaz is a tidemaker, even tho it's not canon and shouldn't be, but I'm gonna argue for it anyway

I already made this post ages ago and now this has been in my drafts for even longer, I just unearthed it... but I'm making it again, more in depth, bc I didn't hit on everything I wanted to last time. obviously this isn't canon bc the point of kaz is he's Just Some Guy and how that really really pisses off more powerful people, and I think that's definitely best, Kaz NEEDS to be otkazat'sya for his function in the story... but if you ever wanted to prove it in a fic, shit is EASY. (I am vaguely considering how it might work out in a fic. we'll see. I've done stuff that couldn't/I wouldn't want to be canon before with my jordie-lives fic, so...) I'll mostly talk in the context that he'd be a tidemaker bc I feel like that's the conclusion a lot of this comes to, but some of the points are more generalised.

obviously the basic argument everyone makes for this is that the reason kaz was able to get back to shore from reaper's barge is bc, subconsciously or not, as a tidemaker he could control the currents to help him, since that's one of the most basic tidemaker powers. in the harbour scene, he notices that the tide has moved to work against him, but it doesn't seem to prove much of a problem; he attributes it to his new will to survive, but... Well. Kaz is exceptionally good at withholding information, even in his own POV.

grisha not using their powers become ill or weaker; kaz isn't really physically ill but he has an element of the underfed and sallow about him that's generally attributed to living in the barrel.

kaz is also ESPECIALLY horrified by the state of mikka, the tidemaker under the influence of jurda parem at the start of SOC; this is attributed to his past trauma and his dislike for things he can't rationally explain, which, yeah, but he is thrown in a way we don't really see again for the rest of the series. he instantly thinks of jordie, and it's maybe the one time he succumbs to superstition in the whole series.

the obvious explanation for how kaz knew that coffee extract and paraffin hid the scent/evidence of grisha is that he's very clearly involved in smuggling (jesper mentions how coffee grounds were used when packing smuggled jurda shipments) but the second explanation,,, is that he uses them himself. he comes up with the solution with IMMENSE speed and he just like, has the coffee extract around. ok, sure, not that hard to get hold of, but still. and coffee gets mentioned in relation to him at least a few times, most noticeably the 'bitter coffee eyes' thing inej uses, which is amusingly romanticised, but also... inej why do you associate coffee w kaz... something you've noticed abt him?

(but then, you wonder why he didn't suggest this to jesper previously; the answer I'm sure he would give you is he did, when it was a problem. before that it wasn't a problem and jesper was doing fine at staying hidden on his own)

the gloves can also add to this one, since they presumably at least cover his wrists and therefore his pulse somewhat, though obviously that's not their main function.

recovers with startling speed from nearly drowning at the ice court; matthias has to get his breathing going again but he's almost immediately fine after. I know yk, heist fantasy book, gotta keep going, but still

kaz is almost completely correct about the methods, powers of, and appearances of the council of tides (one single thing, the method of hiding their faces, is wrong.) impressive, no...? he is also shockingly apathetic in the face of their threats; they fill his lungs up with water and he just coughs it up and then is like "lol" immediately after. this is funny no matter what the fact of the matter (major general of the idgaf war) but the fact his link to them is left hanging is also a thread that could be easy to pick up. I think it would be hilarious if he was secretly in the council, but I won't stretch it that far bc they clearly don't like him lmao, that would have to be a proper AU.

in the dregs, kaz has a corporalki (nina) and a materialki (jesper) but no etheralki. wouldn't it be prudent to recruit one, if he could find one? or maybe he doesn't need one. if he already has one around, for an emergency of emergencies... for a rainy day... (ha ha)

the way kaz's trauma is often described as manifesting, is with the rising of the harbour waters; so it's pretty reasonable to suggest that in suppressing that, he'd also, inadvertently or not, suppress any kind of tidemaker/etheralki impulse or power. possibly he can't even tell the difference between the two, or they're so tangled up he can't really separate them anymore, which is why he doesn't so much as even think to attempt to use it. still, if this was the case I think improvement with one would not necessarily improve the other, or vice versa. kaz hypothetically using grisha power he'd had suppressed would not magically make his touch aversion go away, I think that'd be weird, and I'd not want his PTSD to be passed off as solely being the sickness from not using grisha power, that's reductive as hell. but I can see them certainly being two things very much intertwined.

we don't know a lot about grisha who are native to kerch, but assumedly he'd not have had much cause to use it in his childhood, on a farm somewhere inland, so most, if not all, of his experience with using it would likely be irretrievably tied to ketterdam and jordie so no wonder he just wouldn't use it. I don't think he'd even see it as feasible. perhaps it would be a very very final resort, but he'd never let it get to that point, he'd always want to try something else first. and anyway, he'd not be trained.

the sankt vladimir story is also thematically quite close to Kaz; holding back the harbour waters until he's finally too exhausted and lets it drown him. I like this regardless of this analysis actually it's a good comparison. patron saint of the drowned and unlikely achievement....

even if kaz wasn't an otkazat'sya, after all that happened, I think he'd try very hard to pretend he was. it couldn't save jordie, therefore in his extreme as hell thinking around that entire thing, I imagine he'd reason it wasn't useful, that he could get on better without it, and, like jesper, think it was a liability.

this would add a wild layer to him being the one to have the jurda parem on him for almost all of crooked kingdom; it would make it feel like his plan z was to take it himself. certainly he'd sooner do that than let jesper take it.

and finally: thematically, it slays. like half of the imagery around kaz (and kanej) centres around water (think the bathroom scene, how he only washes in front of her, etc) and that plays into both of their trauma, plus religious imagery, all this... it's a fantastic bit of extra theming. it just doesn't really work with how his character operates.

basically I think you could DEFINITELY make it work and it'd be a killer fic but again it's one of those things, like jordie living, that I don't really want to be canon because it undermines something about kaz's character that I consider pretty critical; in this case, that kaz is not really endowed with any special power or circumstance, he's just bloody-minded and clever, but that's enough for him to pull off almost impossible jobs anyway.

Alright i can't decide so y'all are fixin to do it for me

I have several things i wanna work on but i cant pick one to do so ive been doin none of em

Options are

Redoing the Httyd Timeline and Ages post i made a while ago. Its all mostly accurate and the things not explicitly stated in canon i still stand by, but i found a couple other things to add in, and overall its a lil messy cause its from when first started making longer posts, so it could just do with an overhaul to clear it up a bit

Im trying to go through and make a Full AU list, with Name and a summary of what its about, so i can actually talk about em here, as well as sorting all other AUs out properly. These were all talked mostly via the Discord Server, so its literally sorting through whats gotta be hundreds of thousands of messages from over the course of >1 year. Which its great because ive deeply enjoyed talking to everyone ( Shout out to the Discord Buddies, Love yall, you're the Best🫶🫶) but my god, i should have kept on top of it lol.

This one i don't know if anyone else even really is interested in, but y'all are getting it eventually regardless, because ya know you can't stop me from making posts here, no matter how much yall may want to sometimes (Toothfull my beloved <3). Anyway the gist of this one is, idk if its just me, but a lotta times when i hear ages in a book, i understand it, but it doesn't really connect. So i like to go and find other characters and people that are the same age, especially in like movie or shows, where i can look at people that are the same age and go "Holy Shit, they're just babies" or such as the like as that if they're older (Mostly in Alvins case, that man is not as old as a lot of yall probably think he is, or maybe you don't, who am i to say what you do or do not think)

Number 4 is essentially the same thing as number 3 but height related instead. I just like making visual comparisons for a lot of these things, cause it helps put things into perspective, as well as its nice for like drawing and stuff.

This ones just Goofy. I have several sillier ships that ive had over the years, some that just fall into crack ship territory. Some of them i do actually think would be cute/sweet, others are just for the sake of going "Could you fuckin imagine". So im making a poll, much like this one, with a brief explanation, and then yall get to vote on em. I dont know if itll be for the Worst, The best, Which One is y'all's favorite, i dunno, but its gonna be something.

And then the last one i can think of is, i really don't know how to explain it, but it's talking about how, in my opinion, the Vikings view of hiccup is being accurately portrayed? Like, that's a really bad summary, but i can't think of how to explain it better so, this is kind of a vague, mystery option

Anyways, those are the options i got for now

Im probably forgetting something but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Everything'll eventually got done

So with that said

I think you should go off about the autistic transmascness of raz, sasha, and otto. Right now. Forever if you are so inclined

.....maybe I will....... (i gathered my thoughts on ye olde psychonauts fic ideas google doc lol)

I tried to make some of it make a little bit of sense with the vaguely established time periods they have lol. In terms of awareness of trans identities and stuff....but I'm not playing the self-hatred stuff, just the lack of understanding of how that works based on general public social understanding of what I imagine the Psychonauts universe to be like....plus I imagine that like Psychics can sort of tell when people are related (in canon) a lot of them just also sort of have this understanding (even if highly vague) of gender difference from the very start when they are trans.... at least a lot of them do, specifically these three I'm headcanoning. And final warning. This is VERY VERY long. Like so very long. But I will share it since you egged me on :]

I will put it under the cut for length reasons. In case Tumblr glitches and tries to show the whole thang ding to people.

Otto: afab, questionable relationship with his parents. Outright always refused femininity boldly and outwardly. Pretended to be a boy all the time, strangers sometimes believed it when he was a kid. His parents tried to make him be more feminine on many occasions, and he always fought against it. After a while, they got busier and became less involved parents. At this point they gave up on making their daughter look presentable. They had written him off as past fixing as far as a female reputation went. They just told him sort of that he was up to his own devices if he was going to act like that forever. They’d be there if he wanted some help getting his act together, but otherwise he had to fend for himself. Got older and assumed he was some sort of lesbian or something. Just vaguely identified as some sort of butch lesbian identity, but a lot of people called him ‘he’ all the time and he wasn’t sure if he connected with womanhood or lesbian identities at all really. He eventually read as so masc that a lot of people assumed he was a guy anyways. And he liked that but never put a name to it because he didn’t really know about trans people. Had some sort of shroom(psitanium? dunno. something. they did psychic hippie drugs together.)-induced gender awakening with Ford one day when they were younger, before all the Psychonauts stuff. His eyes were finally randomly opened and he changed his whole outlook on his psychic abilities and gender. Decided to actually socially and medically transition after this.

Sasha: afab, gender presentation change brought on when he had to be raised by his father. Lars Nein was so disconnected from femininity that he had no clue what to do with a daughter. So he made Sasha work with him in the shop and gave him the same haircut that he gave himself for utilitarian reasons. Sasha accepted this, long hair bothered him for sensory reasons. After a few instances of Sasha having psychic encounters with reading the minds of strangers, Lars was accepting of the psychic identity but immediately knew that it would set Sasha apart from his peers even more than he already was. Sasha started wearing tinted glasses when he was around this age. It was good for his light sensitivity and also good for Lars’ store customers, many of whom claimed to be disturbed by his tendency to stare right into people's souls. Lars felt feelings of guilt over not being able to be a good father to a daughter quite often. He would not talk to Sasha about this, though, and it was another thing that Sasha had to feel guilty about when he read Lars’ mind.

When he left home, he kind of didn’t know what to do with his presentation. He was no longer under his father’s care, so he could do whatever he wanted, technically. But being so very Sasha Nein, he just kept the same look. He didn’t have to think about it if he just kept it all the same. He never let his hair get long, he never wore feminine fashion. He ditched the androgynous childlike overalls and just moved on to men’s clothes. He probably kept a few pairs of womens clothes just in case. But probably could never get himself to wear them for some reason. He’d sooner skip out on whatever event would require them anyways and convince himself that he had better things to be doing than something frivolous. Besides, men’s clothes were just more practical for the type of odd job work he was doing. He just assumed that there was something really wrong with him because of what his childhood had been like, like the absence of a mother had messed him up somehow. [This man had a heavy Freud fan phase, sorry. It definitively shaped him and it is obvious lol.] I can see him just not understanding this aspect of himself at all for a long time. Spending a long period of his life “correcting” people to let them know that he was in fact a woman by birth. He just felt some sort of obligation to always “eliminate social falsehoods to avoid later conflict” and figured that was the right thing to do. He didn’t allow himself to engage in gender euphoria at the expense of others’ “mistakes” the same way that had been so formative for Otto. By doing this, he unknowingly held back his own confidence and self-understanding for years. As he shadowed all sorts of assorted jobs, he eventually found himself pursuing something regarding his burgeoning psychic powers, working under Otto. Otto was quick to question exactly what Sasha “was”, because he felt that there were some obvious connections to his own childhood. I mean, you don’t just find trans people often back then. (Except you do when you are psychic. This is part of the deal. More psychics are LGBTQ+ and they tend to find one another easier. This almost feels canon to me...dunno) Sasha had always been the master of repressing his feelings, and Otto was basically like “Hmm okay. Smoke this weed or something. Think about your gender. I implore you. I am going into your little square head and we are going to figure this out, alright?” And Sasha was nervous working under him at first because he had no clue the job was going to become about himself. Sasha preferred not to think about himself at this point in his life, only to think about the work and research he was doing. At least the research was really interesting at Psychonauts HQ. But Otto easily made him feel on edge. All this introspective stuff was difficult for him. But Otto sharing his stories and feelings about transgenderism and aromanticism helped him significantly.

Otto was able to describe things like this in such a fundamental way that made them seem like irrefutable scientific fact. And Sasha started to understand and believe it. And he started to internalize it. And this internalization led to acceptance. And for the first time ever, Sasha loved himself. Otto offered him his home-grown hormones he had been taking and gave him a lot of general guidance. Sasha started to feel a real sense of brotherhood, of guidance and understanding. He had never worked under someone and not felt lesser than them before. This was different, this was personal and special. Sasha finally had a real friend. Also he was totally a man. Wow.

Raz: afab, but given a gender nonconforming name due to Aquato traditions. Grew up feeling fine "being a girl" for a while. It was more like he was fine with being a sister, because his relationship with his siblings was good, especially with Frazie. He was okay with having a label like sister or daughter because it was defining his life through his loving connections with other people and that was very real and accurate to him, he didn't even think about the female part (this is me projecting. cough). Raz's experiences with gender are very much tied to his psychic powers. He was never as close to Dion as he was to Frazie. Frazie also had a "boy's name" and Raz always figured that the whole name thing was why he felt the way he did about boy stuff. After Frazie reached a certain age, though, it became clear that their feelings were not the same. She didn't want to share psychic things with him anymore, and she didn't want to be called a boy name anymore. Raz could not understand this at all. Frazie felt like these were things that for her own identity to evolve properly, she would have to drop, and deep down she had always known that. But Raz doesn't feel that way at all, in fact he has always known that the boy name and the psychic business was more him than anything else possibly could be... Raz takes great joy in “pretending” he is a boy, pretending he is a famous psychic...he gets his first cases of gender envy and gender euphoria from magazines of Sasha Nein. Shapes his whole new identity on him because of it.

He comes out to Frazie. Frazie is understanding because she is a psychic and she can sort of secondhand feel what he is feeling and believe it despite social influence that would lead her to not understand what being trans is like. After coming out to Frazie, they decide to start acting like they're playing a game again, just not psychic stuff this time. Frazie makes it clear that they can’t do that anymore. Raz takes on a silly persona oftentimes, and the two act like they're playing a game where Raz is an action hero man. So she gets to keep treating him like a boy all the time. Augustus and Donatella become suspicious when the so-called "game" seems to be taken too seriously, in that everything Raz does seems to be to the end of not being seen as a girl anymore.

Now this is the 80s, but Dona is also from a long history of showbiz. I like to think that Dona had a brother who was exceedingly fruity and on occasions other than performance, gender nonconforming. Meaning that she had been forced to think of the idea of gender fluidity before. Which is part of the reason for her gender nonspecific naming of her children in the first place. Augustus cares very deeply about Raz here and wants to make sure he is faring well with the others. So I think Raz is confronted by Augustus and reluctantly comes out to him when asked if the whole "pretending to be a boy thing" had grown more serious than just some sort of game. Gus was extremely welcoming to the idea, even if he couldn't completely understand it, he was hit with this sudden pang of intense empathy [it's the psychic thing again]. Donatella finds out the result of the conversation thru Gus afterwards. Dona encourages Dion to give Raz his old circus clothes and a few other old things they were holding onto just in case. Dion does not get what is happening. Over time the whole family gets it and they decide it is for the best. Raz has been performing better and has been so much more happy since this development. The only concerning part at this point was his increasing interest in psychics...

Yada Yada the events of PN1 happen. Lili is his first real crush. He never thought a girl would like him back and is honestly thrilled at the development of getting to have a girlfriend like a real boy would. He decides to keep his transness to himself when it comes to Lili. He doesn’t want to feel like an imposter. When Raz gets to meet Sasha, he does everything in his power to make Sasha think that he is the number one coolest boy in the world. Sasha really sees himself in Raz for reasons he can't quite put his finger on...I mean it's not like he acted anything like that at his age. [It's the transness and the 'tism] When Sasha finds out that Raz is trans, he suddenly realizes what it felt like to be Otto all those years ago when he began his mentorship. Raz is scared and embarrassed that Sasha will tell on him but instead receives a cool and collected "It's okay, I used to be [a girl] as well." And Raz is absolutely mind-blown. He can't believe it. The two have a talk about their experiences that is like a much more dry version of he and Otto's past discussion. He doesn't mention that Otto is too, or Milla. The general standard in this universe is that people just don't talk much about being trans publicly. You just have to learn to accept it and adjust. Some of the 80s taboo has to creep in there and make people at least not used to talking about it openly, even if not out of shame.

When Raz finds out about the hormones situation and how it is in fact not illegal drugs fueling an addiction (lol) he goes to Otto like "hang on who all here is like that!! Like me and Sasha?" And Otto is like "oo-hoo doctor-patient confidentiality!" And Raz is like "Please, I just don't want to feel alone!" And now Otto knows that Raz is trans too and he is very happy about this information because to him,  Raz is like the perfect blend between a young version of himself and a young Sasha. And Otto knows he isn't going to use this information for bad so he tells him that it is himself, Sasha, Milla, Norma, and now Raz.

GIANT THUMBS UP. I broke Tumblr a couple times trying to post this.🏳️‍⚧️

Hail sex witch! I recently went in for my first pap smear/pelvic exam (prior to which I read your blog posts about them which helped more than I can express, thank you!) It was overall comfortable and I would even say a good experience because they answered a lot of questions I had and explained some basic stuff that I really needed spelled out for me. The only thing was that for a few weeks after the appointment I didn't want to touch/look at/think about my vagina whatsoever. It was just this weird feeling of vague but powerful embarrassment, which I would have expected during the appt itself but not after the fact. I didn't even want to catch glimpse of myself when undressed, and was showering with the lights off lol. Even though this didn't last long I also do not want to go back to those doctors and want to start over with a strange doctor, even though the doctor I saw was very good and likeable and helpful and absolutely nothing unpleasant happened during the appt. (I don't plan on changing doctors; I liked these ones! But there's still this unreasonable urge to book my next appointment somewhere else).

I know a big part of your philosophy seems to be that "is this normal" is often not a very useful question, but I guess that's what I'm asking anyway - is this a thing other people experience? Is it just part of the experience of being in a somewhat vulnerable position with strangers, no matter how much you trust said strangers? Or is it some weird quirk of my brain that I'll have to adjust for in the future? It didn't interfere with my life overmuch, but it's still a very strange thing to be so uneasy with your own body and have no idea why.

hi anon,

so, okay, I'm going to tell a short story, and it's not going to seem related initially, but I promise it is.

I really like getting tattoos. I have several of them now, and I like getting them! not just the final result of having meaningful art on my body; I like the actual process of feeling the needle vibrating into my skin and permanently changing me in a manner of my choosing. it feels good exciting; it gives me a little rush of dopamine even as the pain starts to kick in and in spite of any blood that oozes through. that's fine with me, because those are side effects of new tattoos that I know about and consent to by showing up in the shop, but here's the thing:

my body doesn't know the difference between "somebody cut our skin open and we're bleeding (consensual)" and "somebody cut us open and we're bleeding (holy shit go into crisis)." after my last tattoo, I was walking home (I live like ten minutes from the shop, it's fine) and although I was delighted, I realized I was also lightheaded and cold, and upon getting home was fucking exhausted because my body was, you know, panicking in the way that bodies do when they've been injured. on one level I understand that this is something I explicitly sought out, asked for, and paid for the privilege; on another level, my body thinks a trauma happened.

so, let's talk about what's happening with you.

on one level, your exam was an appointment that you made, presumably, voluntarily, knowing full well that it might be uncomfortable and awkward but undergoing it willingly because you know that preventative care is important. even know telling me about it, you recognize that this was an objectively good and even comfortable experience and that you received good care from doctors that you like who answered your questions and gave you helpful information!

but on another level, what your body knows and is responding to is that you were in a new situation in which your body was subjected to examination and penetration that you're not accustomed to, in a way that may have caused aches and pains you've never experienced before. pretty understandably, your body is under the impression that something traumatic has occurred.

the reactions you're describing - feeling alienated from your vagina, not wanting to see your own body - are often described by people who have survived sexual assault; it's a coping mechanism to distance yourself from the site of your pain. likewise, wanting to avoid going back to the physical place where the discomfort occurred is understandable - it's not rational, but who cares? feelings rarely are; you still have to deal with them anyway. it's completely understandable why you would subconsciously want to avoid going back.

it is very important to me to say this: it's absolutely fine that you are reacting this way. you're not being unreasonable or immature or overreacting or anything else; this is not your fault and you have nothing to blame yourself for or to apologize for. we're going to feel these feelings and be observant and respectful, and feel them without shame rather than try to bottle them up and ignore them. give yourself the space to feel discomfort and be kind to yourself while you work through it.

you've said that this has largely passed, save for the urge to book your next appointment elsewhere. I'm glad this isn't an ongoing source of daily unpleasantness, but it is very much something to be aware of for the future. some people, for various reasons, need to plan for some extra-strength gentleness and self-care around their pelvic exams and pap smears, and if you're one of those people then that's fine! and very good to know!

it's useful information to have for the future, and I hope that next time you're due for such an appointment you can a.) arrange to do whatever makes you feel most cared for afterwards (for some people it's netflix and a bubble bath, for others it's rock climbing, chase your bliss) and b.) stay in touch with the healthcare providers who gave you such excellent service this time. as intimidating as it can be to bring up concerns, it sounds like you were lucky enough to have a lovely bunch, and it sounds like asking them for any extra accommodations you may need to help put you at ease and keep the procedure as quick and painless as possible will be received well.

those accommodations can also look like a lot of different things. the first time I got a pap smear I prefaced the exam by letting my gyno know that it was my first time, penetration isn't pleasant for me, and that I'd likely swear a lot throughout; she was an angel about it. at my most recent exam I was having a rough time and asked for a break, which my (very cute, very gay, god what a weird way to meet a woman) gyno was happy to provide; she removed the speculum and I did some centering breathing until I felt good to finish up.

so, to answer your questions a little more neatly: yes, this is a thing other people experience for a variety of reasons, especially when their body thinks it's been hurt - which, in a way, you were, because your body is very good at being a body but not always great at nuance.

I think it's a little of column a, little of column b, in regards to your second question. maybe there is a part of your brain that will never feel fully at ease with this kind of vulnerability, but you can certainly help it feel safe and cared for as much as possible. I hope that having a little insight into why can help you do that.

People can, of course, go from Wicca to some form of Satanic spirituality, but William "Bill" Schnoebelen claimed that Wicca was actually created to recruit naive spiritual seekers and gradually indoctrinate them into the beliefs of a worldwide Satanic conspiracy.

In Wicca: Satan's Little White Lie, he tries to present himself as an innocent man seduced into dark powers, but the way he actually talks about himself, it sounds more like he just wanted power and would go along with pretty much anything so long as it seemed to offer more power.

So now he's claiming that Wiccans who desired "more wisdom" would be taught that the Horned God was actually Lucifer, and from there be led into LaVeyan Satanism, and from there, be led into "hardcore" satanism; IE, conspiracy theory satanism.

He claims that:

The man who was my immediate superior was a strange, but powerful satanist from Chicago with all sorts of connections in politics and industry. I was amazed at the people of power I would meet at the sabbats.

I figured I had it made and my ship was finally coming in. I signed a pact in my own blood with Satan. He received complete control of my body and soul. In return, I got seven years of whatever I desired: money, sex, drugs or power! It could all be mine!

Familiar fairy tale trope is familiar, lol

Then, Schnoebelen claims that he'd sent a check in to the Church of Satan, and it came back with the words "I'll be praying for you in Jesus's name" written on it. And apparently he knows it's a woman's handwriting because it was "delicate and feminine."

And then he claims:

Within days, things began to happen. I lost my job, my wife got sick, I got sick, and my satanic mentor, so powerful and self-assured, got in a serious truck accident and ended up in the hospital with grievous abdominal injuries. His previously limitless supply of money from California dried up, and I was effectively cut off from all my powerful new contacts.

I'm sorry... what? That's... that's awfully vicious behavior for the deity who's supposed to have the moral high ground, my dude. Are you saying that all this lady did was pray for you, and God just chose violence?

Later, Schnoebelen claims:

Much of my personal story as contained in chapter one is radically different from the current public relations image being promoted in the media by witches and Neo-Pagans.

Like the PR material for any deceptive religious cult, they wish to present as positive an image as possible. They deal in non-issues rather than the central points which really matter in an eternal perspective.

Goddamnit, this is another one of those things where the Christians act offended because the people who aren't Christian don't subscribe to the whole "you need a savior to save you from your sins" thing, isn't it?

Anyway, Schnoebelen quotes Laurie Cabot's list of Witches' Do's and Don'ts, and proceeds to gripe and complain that witches aren't actually morally pure as all that.

Again, we're dealing with a relatively new spiritual movement where people are bound to make idealistic statements that won't hold up upon meeting the complexity of the real world, or that people just won't always live up to because people aren't perfect. And quite frankly, Christianity is no different; y'all have your high-minded ideals, but in the day-to-day you make a lot of concessions and compromises. And you have to, because your survival depends on it. You can't always give your boss your "honest opinion," and it's not prudent to give away everything you own.

What about magic? As I mentioned in my own story, the ethics get a bit nebulous when you decide if you’re going to heal someone without their permission, or do a love spell on a person without their knowledge. You see, this is all so vague it is meaningless. Suppose you have a relative with Alzheimer’s disease. Would it be alright to put a spell on him to kill him and “put him out of his misery?”

Some witches would say yes, others would say no. To whom do we turn to settle these things? In some older witch traditions, being a homosexual was a “no-no,” yet other newer witch groups celebrate “gayness.” Did they get a direct line from the “Universal Law” to change the rules? Is it alright to cheat on your “lady?” If she doesn’t know, she isn’t harmed, is she? You see how misguided and useless this kind of ethical system is? It allows for all manner of exploitation and evil, and believe me - I knew some awfully selfish and exploitative “Wiccans” in my day. One of them stole my high priestess’ wedding and engagement rings!

Man, if only there were people who ask these hard questions and search for ways to deal with these issues without appealing to a higher authority... if only people had been interested in wrangling such things since ancient times... if only there were such things as philosophers and ethicists... if only...

By the way, Bill, if Christians are supposed to be all loving and harmless, is it correct to pray for someone knowing that your god might likely inflict violence on them? Is that really any better or different than straight-up siccing a violent demon on them?

And then Bill claims this about the Threefold Law:

For example, if you perceive that someone has injured you in some fashion, either magically or physically, you have the “right” by Witch Law to hurt him three times worse. What often happens is that witches are injured in some real or imagined way and believe they have the right to hex the offending person three times worse!

This is literally not what the Threefold Law is about. The Threefold Law is one of those kinda culturally Christian "what goes around, comes around" kind of deals. Retaliation isn't supposed to be necessary because the universe will supposedly hurt the original dickbag three times worse.

He claims that a young woman stole the HP's jewelry, and the HP "invoked the law of three" and supposedly, the young woman fell down a stairs and was paralyzed from the neck down:

We did not curse her and say, “Goddess, make her fall down a flight of stairs and be paralyzed.” We just invoked this “Law” upon her. To end up a paralytic for life for ripping off jewelry is a bit severe. This was done when I believed I was a “white” witch and would never have considered cursing someone or seeking power from the devil.

Dude... may I remind you of what you claimed happened when Bank Lady prayed to Jesus? Literally how are Christians any better, in your reckoning?

Schnoebelen claims that magical fights will inevitably escalate and may I remind you, Schnoebelen, that Evangelical Christians see themselves as being in the middle of a spiritual war, waged against everyone who isn't like them. You, Schnoebelen, apparently believe it's justified for Christians to pray to Jesus to inflict violence on anyone who isn't a Christian. The crowd you're appealing to prays for horrible things to happen to everyone they've made their enemies every day. The crowd you're appealing to thought AIDS was God's punishment on the gays.

You don't have the moral ground you want everyone to think you have.

#christian followers feel free to infodump in my inbox

☆hi beam!! okay i'm agnostic (spiritual and leaning hindu) now, but as a kid i used to be catholic (and also hindu at the same time. i was both simultaneously it's Complicated)

☆when i was little (before the Upsettings happened) god was sort of like my imaginary friend that i talked to all the time and demanded stuff from him constantly and i felt super upset whenever i did something to make him "angry". One time when i was 7 i prayed for about a week straight for him to turn me white. I was also convinced he would give me superpowers before i turned ten. I told all my friends about it. and then when it didnt happen i convinced myself it was because i was (vaguely) hindu too and God doesnt like it when i talk to other gods (???????) I won't get into the more traumatic aspect of the whole thing but the thought of someone always watching and the prospect of hell and dying forever messed me up for a good long while

☆surprisingly unrelated to that, i was obsessed with the bible as a kid (not really in a religious way so much as an autism way). My favourite book/section in the bible was leviticus and i just sat there for hours reading over and over what the ancient israelites were supposed to Not Do and the proper rituals that had to happen if they did those things anyway. My second favourite was the book of revelations but that was out of childish spite because at some point I remember the priest at my church saying that nobody understood what revelations meant or what was going on in there and i went "okay I'll just be the first then". I had Theories.

☆i was also going through my ancient history phase around the same time of my obsessive bible phase so every single week at church i bothered every single adult with questions about evolution and why the dinosaurs aren't in the bible until they made me feel too guilty to ask LOL (same thing happened when i asked stuff like why they eat shrimp or wear purple if leviticus says they can't)

☆tldr; i was obsessed with the bible in the way other kids at the time were obsessed with stuff like percy jackson, not because of religion but because i was fascinated by the Lore. But at the same time (and mostly unrelated to my bible interest??) i also believed in god fully and thought he would do stuff for me if i asked nice enough but be also scared me very much. Around age 12 I eventually reasoned myself out of christianity because, among other things, i decided the whole heaven/hell situation wasn't fair and unrealistic and also genesis made zero sense. The religious trauma that came later didn't help but was surprisingly not a driving factor for the most part. I still read the bible sometimes. I think it's fascinating

Oh wow that's way more than I thought anyone would send hahah

Definitely sounds interesting. I can see how you might end up like that but it sounds unusual. i don't know a whole lot about hinduism, but if you want, can you elaborate on how being hindu affected your catholic experience? just for curiosity :>

i relate with the "talking to G-d as if He's my imaginary friend" thing so much. i don't do that much now, but it's just way easier to speak directly than through very specific pre-written prayers sometimes...

hyperfixating on Bible Lore TM is kinda fascinating. i would not have chosen levitcus but i can see the hypothetical appeal of analyzing The Rules. (i was a child of chaos.) i don't know anything about revelations. what is going on in there?

bothering church adults with dinosaur questions is hysterical. also, where does it mention not wearing purple again? because religious jews do follow a lot of the commandments that originated from there, but that one's never come up. seems like a weird mistranslation/misinterpretation maybe?

makes sense why you'd leave based on that, i think that's more or less a common experience with ex-christians from what i've seen? good luck with the rest of that ♡ 👍 ♡

long ramble, haven't had one of these in a while! if you read this, have fun. it's headcanons/thoughts on some stuff. i don't talk about my thoughts on story stuff publicly much anymore especially because 1) i'm shy 2) trust issues 3) bad rsd 4) i forgot the last point

i was writing for oNCE yesterday (some headcanon stuff, for myself, won't be posting that unless i change the wording of some of it to make more sense because i ramble a lot and it's a mess. like i am doing right now. also that turned into being mostly about hr in the end because i am ill. now hopefully this motivation will get me to write my mary and archie stuff.)

and when i went to bed i was thinking about some stuff in toontown, mostly the cogs - and how things work. these are things i ponder on very often and have talked about with my friends many time, throwing ideas back and forth and my headcanons for how things work.

though, there's one thing i really wonder about, and that's where cogs come from in ttcc exactly. in 'that' way though of course to keep things on the same rating as the game is i won't discuss anything explicit so don't worry. (besides they're robots and also are sexless to me, anything related to gender is purely cosmetic to them. you are usually assigned a certain expression when built though, but can change that later on. that's how i explain trans cogs.)

i think about how there are canonical families and children, and that they have "built" dates and places where they've been built. it's obvious as they're robots, they're not born they're built and made.

it's a bit difficult to explore with the limited info we have, which is kind of both an hassle to work with, but also beautiful because you can let your creativity go and make up your own headcanons, without things being set in too much canon. it's also difficult due to how different the suit culture is to us humans and also what we see from the toons which is by nature more familiar to us.

we also do not know much about suitopia, or other possible places where cogs live.

(i, personally, imagine suitopia as essentially a big country where most if not all cogs live. it has it's own regions, cities... all that. where as c.o.g.s. inc has built itself to be essentially it's own small country/community, if that makes sense. though cogs don't always only mention suitopia, at least once 'the whole world' is used. this is irrelevant tho so i won't discuss that but it's still a 'core' headcanon i have - as other things i may hc rely on this personal interpretation / headcanon.

but be aware i do not know everything is canon and can discuss things outside my realm of HCs and interpretations, but if i go deeper into like, let's say, analyzing a cog and imagining their backstory, instantly assume i'm using all these things. sorry for the side ramble, i want to make things clear for possible future reference.)

i wish it will be expanded upon slightly in the future, even a slightest crumb of what it's like out there and i can have a field day with it. i do enjoy the vagueness tho, again, as i've said we do not need to have all the information out there and it's not necessary to the main stories that are being told but MAN my brain itches for MORE. i demand EXPLANATIONS. and so i make up my own lol and i love that i can do that /gen (there's some stuff i do have an issue with that it was not explained better, but again, fixed that with hcs. talking abt atticus but im not getting into that rn)

there also may be things i am missing - i have known of ttcc's existence since it's early days, but i wasn't there for it and missed being there in person for any lore until i started playing for real in early 2023 and became a part of the community. like, there ARE things i have missed AND small details i am missing. that's one criticism i have about some info being more difficult to access now, but the main stuff is on the wiki an all luckily.

anyways that ramble out of the way... how the heck are cogs made? there's a few ways, that seem contradictory in some ways at first but i just see it as different methods.

we know cogs can change their appearances (their shell) and be "upgraded". we know cogs can even choose to be just their skelecogs (Atticus) and i suppose every other skelecog we see.) we know cogs have families and have their own kids. (cathal and bobby jr come to mind, and also belle's own kids and grandkids. not to mention, we have siblings too - thomas and robert. and their whole family drama DOES involve their unseen parents.) we know many cogs, mostly the managers, come into the company as their are - but also new parts are built, at least for the employee cogs in sellbot hq. (recently re-read the dialogue which confirmed this - literally as you're building your sellbot suit.)

we know cogs are more than just some working machines and do have deeper lives and desires and even relationships, though all instances of a parent/child relationship in ttcc have only one parent. makes sense after all they don't reproduce sexually to put it that way, again they're built and they're robots.)

it's easy to conclude, that, cogs are just built. which is true. but it just makes me wonder. we know they age. we have at least 1 cog who is a literal child, and bobby, in human years at least, looks no older than like, 8 years old. (we also don't know how cogs age. we also know cog's don't die like that, due to the whole deal with atticus. i will talk about this one day i have so many thoughts on it)

we know they grow up and even have schools - they're not programmed with everything. they earn experience as they live life and even have?? education systems? like they're more like people than we thought. (ttcc does make cogs more easily sympathized with and gives us INDIVIDUAL cogs and not just... 'The Cogs'. cogs are the focus of ttcc so of course they're developed more and are more 'human' despite being machines.)

so clearly, there's cogs like bobby. who are built young and eventually grow up. we have not seen a cog growing up yet, at least i don't think. but i wonder how that works. through cartoon logic, do they just grow up? their skelecog and perhaps their shell, too? or do they periodically get upgraded to be larger - wouldn't it make sense to built a cog as, well, an adult already? to program all these things? there may be more limits to this than we think, but also just... cultural things possibly.

the only cog CHILD (not just the child of someone - cathal's an adult. also, redd mention, but redd's adopted so he doesn't count) we ever see is bobby and, he is the child of robert, who is known to be very short. we don't know if bobby's going to grow up, or if this height is what he's just going to be like. we have one image where he's way smaller than robert, and other, more recent ones, where they're a similar heights. is that just art inconsistency due to the nature of all the (amazing) artwork being, well, volounteer work and that not everything is (or has to be) perfect? or did bobby really grow up. i'm talking about the wallet picture and the comics featuring bobby, by the way.

though, as things are, i'm sort of assuming that bobby's going to grow up or be upgraded in some way to "grow up"? i don't think we need an clear explanation for that, and in a universe like this 'cartoon logic' would be enough, but it's still something to think about.

like...how do cogs go about having kids, anyways? all instances we see are visually similar as well. cathal has the same gear for his neck as allan's body does, and they have the same head lightbulbs and wires. bobby jr and robert are both furniture.

i've always assumed that it's like in robots (the movie, that i havent watched in years which would be helpful for all this, probably.) if you decide to have a child just for the experience of raising a child, to have a legacy, or due to a bond with a partner - you literally just build one. perhaps not in the same way as in the movie - in here it definitely requires more paperwork and blueprints. but again, it's interesting to think about! hey company i want a CHILD. i look like this build them like me thanks here's some blueprints. (this also explains the amount of single parents. though belle has to have been married/is married as her honorific is listed as mrs. hey fun fact, non native english speaker here. i didnt know 'mrs' means a lady is married until like this year. i've been on this earth for 19 years.)

like the concept of family is possibly just more social there than anything. duh... can't exactly have the same oil and wires inside of you as Robots .

anyways, so that explains kids... but what about the others? some cogs don't have any families mentioned but it's not hard to assume they come from families with parents and siblings as well. what about the employee cogs? who are quite literally very disposable in a way?

we do have to take into account that after all, employee cogs we see just on and about on the streets are mostly a game mechanic, and there are some individual cogs who ARE cogs who would typically be employees cogs. (jennifer comes to mind first, she's a micromanager but also a secretary and counts as a manager. same goes for judy and so forth.)

and y'know, the game won't have a personality and backstory for each random flunky on the streets you fight. but with often they get destroyed and repaired and that there's just... so many of them! of the same model and appearance... makes you think. is that why they were made? are they truly more robotic than the others, more devoid of 'humanity'? or were they different cogs, perhaps more lower class, who's appearances were changed entirely to fit into more easily fixable and replaceable shell forms? something that's less expensive for the company and for them? i swear i am missing some details on this, but that's for me to re read the wiki and cogs ink for on my own later. (i need to have full info n everything and if i dont bring up that i know one small detail i will explode bc someone will bring it up and make me feel dumb and that's the rsd part and it's often physically painful!)

very hard to tell, i'm sort of content with my thoughts on how cogs have kids, but i hope we ever get a bit more clarity on employee cogs - though it is a bit problematic as these are the guys you beat up on the daily who don't have individual personalities.

like i'm just rambling as i go here man, it was gonna be cohesive but i'm just spitting thoughts here now. like, we have 3 seperate skelecog types - all cogs come with a skelecog like we have a skeleton so that also comes into play. it can be adjusted in ways, most notably the head and also in size. though we do have a 4 arm cog. jason please i love you /p we need more jason content. it's wacky, it's tacky - it's toontown!

fun stuff to think about but i just deep fried my brain. tdlr i guess.

how cogs made. how cogs have kids. how cogs work in general. very swag very cool. guzma cathal spades spamtongender goes on 1568854 different tangents while saying they wont aka your swagesty your adhd symptoms are showing

that's it fellas enjoy 2k words of incomprehensible rambles that i am happy to finally get out! you see the way i explain things is precisely why i almost never do it publicly and i need practice shortening things.

Ptutu x eah lore dumb if ya want.

Well! My idea's kinda vague all things considered, I know way more about Princess Tutu than Ever After High. I'll try to explain how I imagine the set up of the main four characters goes though!

Duck/Ahiru(Royal)- She's this generation's Princess Tutu, but she isn't related to Princess Tutu, but was mysteriously given the role. How this happened is something she keeps secret technically? though no one's really bothered to ask her anyways. The fact that she's actually a duck is also a secret. She's very clumsy and naive but she's got a heart of gold yadda yadda, she's much the same to canon. She hasn't had to return the heart shards yet because Mytho's heart isn't yet shattered. Her necklace therefore gets its powers from some where else.

Mytho(Royal)- He's the biggest difference so I wanna talk about him next. Because unlike canon PT he isn't the Prince from the story. He is simply the Prince's son. He's fully prepared and willing to make any sacrifices he needs and follow in his father's footsteps for the sake of the people. Mytho's arc I think would be about learning that he doesn't Have to sacrifice himself for the greater good and that he's allowed to be selfish sometimes too. He's still a bit of a weirdo though, repressed in the Proper Rich Boy way instead of the Literally Lacking a Heart way lol.

Princess Craehe/Rue(Rebel)- Rue's pretty chaotic, as always. She knows she has to follow in her father's footsteps and fight the Prince and then be defeated by him. She's also madly in love with her childhood best friend Mytho. Considering at the start of EAH Rebels and Royals like Do Not mingle, I think their romance is more of a long con. Rue though has it in her heard that she can have her cake and eat it too. Be Princess Craehe who terrorizes the town AND get the prince in the end. (Apple would definitely try to use Rue's dedication to being Craehe as a means of convincing Raven but it would backfire)

Fakir(Royal)- I love fakir so much and he absolutely is Embracing his edgy lil "reincarnation of the knight" thing here, even more than before. A lot of the same dynamic as canon tbh, childhood friends with Mytho. Him and Rue have their silly little love triangle with Mytho forever and always <3. though I imagine his manipulation and control over Mytho is toned down a bit because Mytho here is able to express his feelings a little better. I'm not as well versed in Ever After High lore, but I imagine the fact that Fakir is related to Drosselmeyer, the writer of their story, would wind up also being Very Important in this setting once it's revealed.

So new things are coming up from miss singer and other people, la girl is a pretty b to be honest..if some friend do that to me i would be so pissed..she ruined singers and colbys friendship or something they had just to bring her bestie m girl into it all. What a friend she is omg. If i was in love with some guy and my friend did this..i would be so goddamn ANGRY. And the fact that she dont want to talk about this says it all, shes hurt..

Ok, I have seen a lot of random shit being flung around about this entire situation and the players involved over the last few days. Like, I haven't seen such a wild day around these parts since malishkagate '22 lol.

Here's the thing - I actually caught Ms Singer live on tiktok by random chance the other day. I was just scrolling through watching Little House on the Prairie tiktoks (leave me alone) and there she was.

When I came upon her, she was being bombarded with questions about M, Sam and LA Girl, and, for some weird reason, Stas. The Stas question was actually what got to her and she proceeded to give out the following "purely hypothetical" synopsis of events:

She had a group of people she considered friends (M was not one of them from my understanding). A guy came into the mix of this friendgroup, and her friends did something "messed up" to her in relation to this guy. Whatever went down with her friends hurt her, but she doesn't want to give out details and she is sick of people coming in to her chats every day and mentioning the names of the people she doesn't consider friends anymore and asking her to expand on this.

Now, from what I understand, she did mention in a previous live that she had a crush on a guy and her friends knew it and worked behind her back to get her pushed out of the friendgroup this guy was in. I did not see that particular live, so I cannot 100% corroborate that statement, but that is the previous story going around. This story is similar enough to that one that I will give it some form of credence, with the understanding that what we are getting here is one side of the story told in a very vague manner, so there are still many gaps to be filled in.

Anyway, a little while later, she was asked how she met Sam and Colby and she gave this statement (and I transcribed this verbatim): "I knew of them because I knew Katrina. Katrina and I were signed to the same label, so I knew of them, but we never talked. And then, um...in Septemberish, uh...we all went to a like...I'm trying to think of how to like...I don't know. Colby and I became friends and we went to Universal Studios and that was that."

As a sidenote, I highlighted two important phrases out of that - Ms Singer herself claiming that she did not really know snc until September. That means anything pertaining to Ms Singer knowing or dating Colby in March is just categorically untrue, so that's at least one rumor cleared up right there.

But back to LA Girl: I know a lot of things have been said and alleged about her the last couple of days. I cannot 100% prove most of that stuff one way or another, so I'm not even going to speculate. The fans have gone into desperation mode and are now coming up with all kinds of off the wall stuff, some of which I do know is 100% false (Colby having been with Ms Singer since March being one of them), so I've gone into a "do not trust until you can verify" mode right now and that's that.

That being said, I did hear this information come directly from Ms Singer's mouth myself, and in the interest of making sure more misinformation doesn't spread, wanted to share.

It sounds messy, and it sounds very much like these aren't the kind of friends you'd want in your lives - but some of what is going around is just...whew. Pump the brakes.

Pallette cleanser: I'd cast Topher Grace to play Sam in the soap opera adaptation of all this.

Hi! Recently I’ve been questioning whether I’m plural, (as you might’ve guessed, since I’m sending an ask to this blog, lol) but I’m scared that I’m subconsciously like, internalizing/being influenced by what systems mention about their experiences somehow? (Not sure if internalizing would be the right word, sorry lol)

Anyway, I dissociate a lot— especially recently (I’m a bit stressed form a play that I’m in and that seems to influence it, but that’s not what I’m meant to talking to you about). I’ve jokingly referred to it as going into a ‘video game character mode’, since it feels as if I’m not exactly controlling/experiencing being in my body— like a video game or movie.

The thing about it is, I’m always vaguely aware of what’s happening, it’s just like being numb. The closest I can compare it to is if you suddenly were experiencing the effect of laughing gas? If that makes any sense?

I change my preferred name and pronouns a lot, too, because my personality almost feels like it changes? But it’s still me, I think?

I don’t know, it confuses me a lot and I’m unsure. If you need more information about my experiences to help me with that more, I’ll happily provide it!

—🪷 lotus (just in case)

So, first of all I'd like to reassure you of two things!

One, there is actually an origin term for forming based on being around lots of other systems. Imo, this would be likely to happen due to things like autistic mirroring or "copycat" behaviors that can be caused by any number of types of neurodivergence.

Assimulogenic: An origin of plurality that involves gaining plurality due to assimilation or becoming plural because you are surrounded by plurals, very close with a plural, look up to a plural, or for any other reason one's subconscious would begin to assimilate. This is not a willogenic origin, meaning you do not chose to become plural, but it can be related to a common feeling of whistfulness in *wishing* you were plural or you were like the system that you are close with

However, what's even more common is realizing existing plurality as you start to interact with other systems. This is actually how we initially realized. We met ONE other system and our whole egg carton cracked like it was dropped on the floor xD

What you describe as "video game character mode" does sound like it could be someone switching in while you maintain awareness of the front. Looking into types of plural consciousness, like monoconsciousness, polyconsciousness, and more complicated types may help, though we are EXTREMELY BAD at explaining them (we're sorry! TT).

But yeah, that all makes sense and sounds like pretty classic dissociation. The changing names and pronouns while still feeling like you may be related to where you fall on the median to multiple scale (so, how separated and distinct you are from your headmates) or may have to do with your consciousness type, blendiness, or confronting... but honestly even in extremely multiple systems of any type I feel like this is pretty common. In a sense, you're all you (system) but not necessarily all the same you (individual), if that makes sense?

Anyway, you are welcome to share more experiences if you would like. The policy of this blog is to never tell anyone they are a system (no "I diagnose you with system!" xD) but it's very specifically because we are here to offer guidance but at the end of the day, you know your experiences better than we can.

However, if what you're looking for is just affirmation that you can identify as plural/a system: Yes. If you feel like you are a system, you can. If you're unsure, too, trying the label can help determine if it fits! You often can't tell if clothing fits just by looking at it, and the same goes for labels. You're not hurting anyone or taking any resources by exploring yourself/selves. If it turns out not to fit, no harm has been done, and you've had self-discovery you wouldn't have had without it.

But if it does, you will have found out specifically by trying it, and that's great! Not to throw a platitude at you, but you can do whatever you want forever with these labels. xD

I hope this helps, and want to make sure that this is a safe space. If any other potential headmates of yours want to share their own thoughts or experiences here, they are also welcome to.

It boils down to though, we trust your/y'all's judgment. Take the time you need to explore and figure out and feel secure in your identity. Whether you decide you're plural, or just an ally, we will welcome you here nonetheless <2

PS the name lotus is gorgeous!!

i absolutely love your tags on my post about the mysterious woman, it's nice seeing someone who's as passionate about her as me ❤️

Hehehe, thank u, I’m pacing around all happy about it rn (>.< ). I love Simon’s Quest and how genuinely odd everything that happens in it is.

And the Mysterious Woman doesn’t get talked about very much and y’all are missing out!!! She’s so so so fun to speculate about!

I ran into I think it might have been an old conversation on like Gamefaqs or some other comment section somewhere and there were a surprisingly large amount of people in the conversation who said that when the game came out they assumed that she was meant to be Selena, and that’s just aaaaaa so so interesting to me. And it wasn’t just American fans either, there was someone from Japan who assumed the same. It’s so awesome getting to see the perspectives of people who were there when the game was new and this theory has me going nuts sometimes lol. On one hand it makes sense for the ghost woman in the Belmont family graveyard to be someone from the family, but on the other hand is she really “mysterious” anymore if it’s someone Simon would know?

And why did the Mysterious Woman not mention the Tooth of Vlad and only the other five pieces that she knew would partially summon Dracula instead of the intended burning, burying, and breaking of the curse? Especially if she’s meant to be Selena/Simon’s wife or if you interpret her as Sara? Simon’s Quest really went for the twist of having the call to action character and the one to get Simon out of whatever rut he was in for 6 years in the first place be the first person to lie to him. Which is just so!!!! Aaaa!!!!!!!!!!! This also raises the question: is the Mysterious Woman actually a force of good? Or did she just know that Simon was desperate enough to believe what she was saying to him? I’ve seen some people theorize that she was some kind of Dracula cultist or even a possible form of Death because of this.

Or was she completely right that summoning and killing Dracula is the only way to break the curse? After all a lot of other games in the series that revolve around curses end in Dracula being brought back and defeated. But this is also a strange option as usually when Dracula is resurrected it’s by cultists or Death or whoever else and it’s not a good thing and is just for the purpose of having the evil dark lord do evil things. So that would make this game one of the few scenarios in which Dracula’s resurrection is justified which is so weird I just— thinking about Simon’s Quest to hard is gonna kill me one day lol X,,,,,D.

She also says that one line of “within your own heart, you might be able to defeat the evil if you wager your own life” and thinking about that along with the ominous vagueness of the endings all having different eulogies so similar that you could genuinely make an argument for any of them being the canon ending and the fact that almost all of Simon’s symbolism is related to self sacrifice and martyrdom is uh… interesting. Also a lot of people forget that the area around Castlevania is also cursed, not just Simon. The swamps are messed up, the towns get less saturated in color more empty the closer you get to the castle, and there’s monsters everywhere, this wasn’t entirely a selfish endeavor to save himself.

Anyway, the Japanese manual also talks about the Mysterious Woman in specific ways, appearing and disappearing with the mist. And maybe this is a way to keep her as mysterious as possible, but it’s an interesting choice of words. They could’ve said she walked away into the mist, but they specifically said “disappear”, which is an awfully ghostly thing to do. And it’s also weird cause we kinda do see another character suddenly appear out of thin air in a graveyard in who I like to call the Garlic Guy. The Garlic Guy is also massively under appreciated like what the heck is up with that whole interaction 💀💀💀. Go to the graveyard, only at night, and some hooded figure will suddenly begin to exist in front of you if you lay garlic on the ground and then give you a bag. And then like most things it’s completely unexplained and you just have to keep moving on. I’m thoroughly convinced Simon is just as confused as we are lol. And in a way she is also treated the same way as any other NPC: she does something unexplainable and is never mentioned or important again. The way the game is written I swear it’s designed to make you feel anxious and rushed, ya know like a guy who is actively dying would feel.

And the fact that none of this is ever explained is just so ominous. It adds to the tension of the game and themes of not being able to trust anyone. Nobody trusts Simon, Simon can’t determine who’s trustworthy, there’s NPCs that you don’t even get to know who or what they are, sometimes even the hint books aren’t particularly helpful, things happen and you just have to keep going as to not waste any time.

Hopefully any of this makes sense lol I ain’t reading all that again to check cause I gotta go have lunch cause I forgor about it whoops. Anyway I am very normal about Simon’s Quest and every character in it, please everyone play this game it’s good I promise— (;w; )

Edit: oh my god I did not realize how long this ended up oopsie—

screaming my thoughts about s2e8 into the void because i need to to scream it somewhere n i dont wanna bother people SO--

the song was fun, the visuals were comedy gold, and i thought the escalation from playful horniness to Anxiety-Fueled Dread was very entertaining !

LOONA YOU ARE NOT HELPING YOUR FATHER FEEL BETTER ! you know he's gotta give that bird the ultimate stuffing to keep the book ! WHY WOULD YOU SAY THOSE THINGS--

Moxxie being supportive of his boss is adorable... even if Blitz technically caused a divorce, but those two were on their way there anyway so it's fineeeeeeee !

Cleatus, Keenie, imma need you two to shut up- i know the dhorks are kinda dumb when it comes to taking info with a pinch of salt, but this is just sad. speaking of : WHY ARE MY TAXES BEING USED ON THIS INSTEAD OF BETTER SCHOOL LUNCHES-- i'm also getting incredibly vague lion king vibes from the shot of those priest clones... and is that Collin foreshadowing i see in the interrogation room ??

sick robot suits, loving the parallel between the IMP and team CHERUBS. i wuold've preferred if the cherubs kept to the background more and saw that hell isn't too different from heaven, and that the hellborn are just vibing to the best of their abilities wherever they live.

Blitz's shopping spree was such a joy to watch, and it shows how much effort he's willing to put into the visits he makes to Stolas in order to keep his business and friends financially secure. i'm waiting to see if one/the mnm's will get a similar sequence in the future.

these shopkeeper designs fucking ROCK and i want to know more about them ! even if i know they're probably one-time characters and will never see them again lol

love love LOOOVE Fizz and Ozzie's toy/entertainment selection !! i can't stop looking at everything in the background because A] it's so colorful and B] i'm a pervert who wants to draw my muses in some of these hehehe

the remainder of IMP vs. the CHERUBS were so fun to watch ! i feel bad for Ozzie though, he and Fizz are definitely having a talk about Blitz and his team being surpervised if they're ever allowed to visit the Lust ring again after all the damage they caused.

Stolas... didn't just start the conversation by giving him the crystal, first ? asking about the book first -- Blitz's only reason that his business is still running and keeping him AND his employees financially afloat -- and seeing the underlying fear and uncertainty on Blitz's face before Stolas doubles down... God, it hurts. ' i can always do better ' just... OUGH.

i am going to out myself as a Blitz enjoyer here because i relate to him a lot on a concerning level.. but also because i've been to that scalding, steaming pit of self-hatred, too ; i've long since climbed out of that pit, but i can understand his position because i've been there. you feel like you're alone, even when you're in a room full of company that you enjoy being with. you feel like even when you're surrounded by loving family/friends, you have this feeling in your heart that they secretly hate you regardless of how much praise or support they give you. something just feels... off. any signlas that Stolas may have given him just whooooooshed over Blitz's head because he's too caught up in his own self-loathing to see it.

additionally, i've ALSO been fearful of someone with higher authority who's able to decide whether or not i keep my job depending on their opinion of me. to have such low self esteem and be at a disadvantage in The System just freaking sucks donkey balls, bro.

i'll give Stolas credit where it's due : the communication is FINALLY happening ! but you know what's awesome about that process ? learning to LISTEN !! he knows that Blitz is a guy who uses humor in the way he communicates, and i feel that it would not have taken more than a few seconds for him to have said, ' Blitz, i'm being serious '. would it have not lead to Blitz blowing up at him ? i don't know ! would it have lead to Blitz calling out Stolas and having his emotional rant anyway ? it's entirely possible !

both characters are so caught up in their pains that, if they took a little more time to clarify themselves and their feelings, it's very likely that their confrontation wouldn't have ended the way it did.