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#anyway. complaint session over lmao

aris-ink · 8 months

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U conplain more than you write. You absolutely like everybody else need therapy. Don't consider it a hating comment. But the amount of heartfelt posts you post on here is huge. And it's absolutely normal. But the way you're making it seem like a habit and the repetitive texts you write looks like you struggle with the same problem every time. And let me tell you that I know for sure that you don't receive many complaints as you make it seem cause you're posting asks one by one 24/7 and by the time you post this one too I'd know too since I've sent it just recently.

I m not following you anymore anyway after this ask . Not just because I hate you but because I respect you fondly and know how rare to come across pple like you. But on a real life basis not on a blog where pple don't even know who you are.

I don't understand half of this ask.

"you need therapy, don't consider it a hating comment" why would I? I don't know how long you've been here honey, but I'm very open about being in therapy. I am in therapy already and there's nothing wrong with that. but thank you for the advice? which was so rude and unsolicited, do you go around every blog telling people to go to therapy because they have problems? are you that kind or obnoxius? if it's kindness, and you're so willing to help, please use the kofi link and fund our sessions, thank you. ❤️ unless you only wanna go around making people feel bad for struggling, that is. not that it's gonna work on me, but good try I guess? 3/10 for effort 😭

"the amount of heartfelt posts you make here is huge and it's absolutely normal" but it annoys you all the same? I know it's shocking to hear, but, yes........... my struggles...... are about the same things. sorry I'm not dramatic enough to have a new problem everyday dhdhdhdhfhf

I'm battling with my mental health. I'm battling anxiety, so I repeat myself, because when I have no energy to reply I don't want people to feel ignored. I'm explaining myself when people misunderstand me so that my points are clearer. again, 2/10 bc I sure as hell am not gonna feel bad or apologize for being mentally ill lmao

"I know for sure you don't receive as many complaints as you make it seem" 1/10 I literally could not care less what YOU think. I know what my inbox looks like. I don't respond to hateful asks that are just nonsense, like "abuse enjoyer", "weirdo", "what can we expect from a multi stan", because engaging in a conversation like this is pointless. but asks like this???? why should I keep my mouth shut when you're throwing crap at me?

"I'm not following you anymore anyway after this ask" oh no, why 😭😭😭

please shove all that fake kindness somewhere where someone will care. people like YOU are the reason authors have to hide their struggles, they can't say anything on their own blogs, can't talk to anyone, and then just end up disappearing. because people like you make them feel bad for being human and sharing their thoughts and opinions.

I will complain however much I want on this goddamn blog, I don't go on yours and tell you what to do with it. pay me to write for you and then you will have any right to tell me that I should just do my job and shut up. otherwise? kiss my ass.

thank you for affirming the decision I made to leave lmao.

and to my angels, I know you're not used to seeing this side of me, and I am sincerely sorry, but there are lines that shouldn't be crossed, and I'm not a mat for people to walk all over. 🤷‍♀️

#asks

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mangoisms · 6 months

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WAITTT, I just saw ur reply to my previous comment. I didn't like Tim too (lmao). The debates between Tim and Damian fans can (and do) get so annoying that I just started disliking his character (not the greatest). Reading Red Robin on a whim was when I started to warm up to his character, he was just some weird dude. The sentiment about him being a chew toy...so real, and perfectly captures how I feel about him. He is so cringe-fail to me.

To touch upon Red Robin relationships...I wish I could peek into the writers' brains and conduct experiments to begin to understand what they were trying to accomplish...Tam, then Lynx II? Rekindling moments with Steph, and I always forget the last girl's name... I just never understood why they thought giving him so many love interests was necessary for the plot (he is quite literally spiraling, absolute rock bottom, can not go any lower, and yet forced so many women into his life; were they expecting me not to feel bad for them?). On top of that whole mess, the last few issues were like a fever dream, I can not properly summarize them for the life of me if asked.

On a side note, Circle K has also inspired me to pick back up my reading on Steph. I started in the summer, and the summer session (I completely forgot I signed up for classes?) completely ruined that for me...

Very random but, what are your thoughts on WFA? Everyone on Twitter is fairly convinced it's absolute garbage. I never read it myself, but I see complaints about characterization all the time. It also seems to be a lot of people's introduction to Batman-associated characters and content, so I can understand why people are upset if it truly is inconsistent with canon writing.

Young Justice anon (as always, hope you're doing fine and that school is manageable and well!!)

it’s so interesting that red robin 2009 is what softened you up to him because that run still remains a sour point for me HAHA like he is compelling but he is sooo annoying </3 getting into his origins in a lonely place of dying and then robin 1993 was what slowly got me, though he still actively annoyed me for a lot of it… it’s Weird i know i like him in a silly weird way where he annoys me but. yeah. he is my chew toy ❤️‍🩹

oh absolutely it makes NO sense that he had so many love interests and. Ok rant incoming let me also put this under the cut because this got LONG

the thing that bothers me is that none of it was EVER addressed. for sure it was a questionable decision on the writers’ part but none of them had the thought to maybe address the fact that he was flip-flopping so badly? i consider tam to be the strongest out of all of them (as in the one with the most chances to have been with him) and even tim acknowledges that at some points and YET. he kept having those weird moments with lynx. like obviously he and tam weren’t necessarily in a relationship but There Was Something There and of course while tam remains ‘loyal’ to him, tim just gets to mess around with other people… and then when he needs something he relies on tam’s affection to help him out… and then of course the way their falling out was set up was sooooo obvious and i don’t think certain plot decisions are necessarily Bad when they’re obvious but they were clearly gunning for the usual ‘superhero withholds important information from the civilian love interest and they break up’ and i just feel like There were so many OTHER things they could’ve had a falling out over 😭😭😭😭 like Come on…

okay that got longer than i wanted sorry for the impromptu rant 😭😭😭😭 i just. argh. most of my grievances with it is the treatment of the female characters LOL but it’s honestly par the course for tim, he has a long string of love interests and those relationships have been. interesting. quality aside my favorites are probably tam and ariana, if only because they had So Much Potential. anyway!!!!

STEPHANIE MY BELOVED <3333 once you find the time (and i hope you do so you can rest! good luck with your classes <3) i would HIGHLY recommend batgirl vol 3, it’s her batgirl run and it makes up for all the shit that went on in war games (which i didn’t actually read, well i did read some of it, mostly steph’s parts, which i wouldn’t recommend because it is… heartwrenching) and it’s just SOOOOO good i have SOOO many thoughts on it. one of my favorite runs i’ve ever read!!!

umm i’m kind of in the middle on wfa. i read it when it initially came out and it was pretty neat! i liked the art for one. but i’ve stopped keeping up since then. as an elseworlds comic with no bearing on current canon, it can be fun! and it has some things i would like in canon (like them keeping babs as oracle, when current canon refuses to do so), but thats hmmm probably it? and honestly it’s not totally my taste, if only because characterization can be a bit iffy (there was one moment with jason early on that kind of turned me off a bit because. i’m sorry. He would not say that. but in fairness to wfa we have a lot of that going on around now in current comics! wrt him, dick, tim, etc) and well. i like drama HAHA. i have also seen that it is the ‘easy way’ to get into the bats and yeah, there’s nothing wrong exactly with that being someone’s introduction, but it should be kept in mind that it’s not canon and things aren’t like that at all in current canon at all! but yeah not everyone does that and it does admittedly get kind of annoying 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

it is kind of funny in that initially wfa wasn’t a true representation of the ‘batfam’ (at the time it was coming out. i think anyway) and more of an ideal glossy one that, well, ignores a lot to get it to that point. but now we seem to be having that go on in current comics, at least with their attempts to try and absolve bruce of his abuse (which i think they are doing in a dumb way that does absolve him of responsibility and agency and thus makes it. well. redundant. because he isn’t owning up to it and it ignores years of him doing it) so it is kind of. equally bad. except that wfa is elseworlds so it honesty can get away with it but uhhh. current comics don’t have an excuse and that’s. well. Hngh. kind of creates double the bad effect but ANYWHO!!!!!!

SO. YEAH. those are my thoughts. many thoughts. so sorry about that i just got carried away 😭 anyway!! good luck with your classes!!! thank you sm i am doing better too ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 i hope you’re doing well, take care of yourself!!!!

(also i am gonna go ahead and make a tag for you ^_^ under yj anon … if u have any emoji preferences lmk i was trying to think of something yj-relevant but not sure…)

#you just gave me Much to think about thank you for that <3 #inbox #yj anon #anonymous

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shoyoist · 1 year

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hanma teaching 3 people how to fight im crying HAHA im sure you and dean are fine but i can imagine him slowly getting frustrated with kisaki especially because he's kinda scrawny and has no power in his hits lmao

- 🦆

hi beloved!! i hope you've been well<33

& HAHA omgg we talked about how shuji teaches dean jiu jitsu because they're the smallest out of us physically, and jiu jitsu is very close contact and wastes no time in dealing fatal blows — and he teaches me and kisaki boxing. kisaki more so, because his shoulder/upper body mobility is pretty good and his direct hits do have potential.

shuji is a STRICT coach btw and he gets really fired up when he's carrying out training sessions for us, because he's very interested in all forms of hand to hand combat and getting to show off his skills AND share his techniques with his three cute little partners<33 he's so excited!

and he's SO LOUD AND MEAN 😭 like this ↓

it's ridiculous how much he yells at us while playing coach but we improve so quick because he's a really good teacher on top of it<33 and when he's trying to show dean a proper visual of what the move he's teaching them looks like, he calls either me or kisaki over like “c'mere” and proceeds to lay us down and perform it on us. IT GETS ME DIZZY EACH TIME HE DOES IT TO ME HE'S SO HOT<33

my only complaint is that he should be a bit harder on me physically 🙄 when he's sparring with dean and kisaki he actually lets the hits connect, blocks their fists and he wrestles kisaki onto the floor too but when it comes to me? he'll stay at the opposite end of the ring and make me chase him around 💀

it's the most embarrassing thing especially because he's not deterred or laughing at me he just has a serious look in his eyes and hisses at me like “come. c'mere, right here.” and gives me a little opening so it's easier for me to determine where to attack. but he's impossibly fast for someone of his height, and i miss anyway. IT'S SO EMBARRASSING I HATE IT

#‶｡ଘ.*+ — [ loveletter ].#‶｡ଘ.*+ — from : [ 🦆 anon! ].#i do eventually learn to predict his moves in close range and punch the space before he dodges #so it actually connects with his body when he moves<3 #dropped the screenshot bec i'm not repeating all that again i'll turn to jelly fr v_v 💓💓

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not-me-simping-for-blasty · 3 years

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why bakugou & his s/o would be absolutely insufferable to be around:

(read: a list of why loved-up!bakugou is almost somehow worse than his normal self)

- nobody can say a damn thing to him anyways, but after he gets an s/o, a person who’s single can’t even breathe around him. the second bakugou gets the chance he’s “yeah- and who’s the social fuckin’ degenerate who’s still alone, hah? that’s what i thought. shut the fuck up.”-ing them all the damn time

- he’s insufferably snappy lmao,,, he feels like he’s gotta work double-time to keep us his tough act now

- genuinely annoys his friends when when they have vent sessions about their respective relationships,,, bc bakugou will have absolutely no complaints to contribute. wont catch him ever saying anything bad about his s/o like that

- gets used to you knowing him so well that bakugou never actually has to voice what he’s thinking. so when you’re not around n suddenly he has to voice full sentences??? with clarification??? and watch his tone??? pls it’s too much work n he’s grumpy and he’s never going anywhere w/out u ever again

- straight up refuses to do anything social. he had limited social needs anyways, and if he’s got you waiting for him at home than he’s never going out lmaooooo,,, rip his friendships ig

- he hates PDA with everything he has, but bakugou will literally torture denki with the sight of it if that poor blonde fucker is around. no bc this mans is a villain about it - v much taking your hand and kissing your forehead and dragging you into his lap just so he can get the satisfaction of hearing denki scream “Jesus christ, out of everyone, literally everyone you’re the one who got an s/o? it’s fucking unfair! are you kidding me?!”

- damn near constant bickering. just absolutely asinine and endless shit coming out of that man’s mouth

- won’t be civil or even borderline polite to anyone who he thinks has wronged you. like, his loyalty runs so deep this fool will be frothing at the mouth to chew somebody out for u

- uses his s/o as a scapegoat out of literally any and all irritating/boring social situations. just “sorry. can’t. Y/N doesn’t want me to. take it up with them.” ,,,,,, sometimes said with a completely straight face as he’s rejects potential plans from where he’s sat right next to you

- will talk shit w/ you, directly in front of other people, and not make any attempt to whisper at all. only ever says “this is a private fuckin’ conversation. now get the hell out of our faces.” when confronted

- gets absolutely petulant when ur doing something he can’t be a part of. not that he even wanted to join in the first place, but just the knowledge that he can’t is suddenly infuriating

- gets pissy when his friends fuss over u. flares up and tells them to fuck off with their “noise and shitty questions” (really he’s just jealous bc they’re taking up a lot of his already limited time w/ u)

- genuinely thinks that when his friends talk about their s/o’s its a direct challenge to u. like someone will be like “oh yeah, my s/o is like, a super good cook”,, and then somehow bakugou is talking over that person almost immediately, cutting them off to say something like “cooking? just cooking? shit’s fuckin’ embarrassing. Y/N would never be caught dead like that.”

- straight up won’t engage socially in you’re sitting next to him. he expects u to be the social buffer and talk for him (jesus christ he’s so irritating)

- have u ever seen a parent w/ their leash child?? yeah. that’s what bakugou n his s/o look like when he gets angry and they have to hold him back. v much embarrassing for everybody involved (even witnesses)

and finally, the biggest reason on why i think settled!bakugou is a fucking menace:

- he will straight up ignore all others the second you say anything or get up to do anything. and not in a cute butterflies “oh he likes me so much he just gets distracted way🥰”

no it’s a “bakugou takes advantage of the you’re so whipped jokes everyone makes” type of way. its him intentionally demeaning others, in literally the meanest way possible (by pretending they don’t exist entirely),,,, and if he has to use ur relationship as a cover to get away w/ that shit ?? than by all means necessary he will take that mf hit

will also sit back, even when u’ve already left and still ignore everyone else. only says “hah? you’re fuckin’ talkin’ still? sorry- too whipped for ‘em I guess.”

and who’s gonna say anything to him after that? no one. not a single person bc it’s “cute”. and like the public enemy he is, bakugou will exploit the shit out of that

#bakugou katsuki #bnha bakugou #katsuki bakugou #bakugou x reader #bnha fic #bakugou x y/n #mha bakugou #mha fic #bakugou imagine #bakugou fic

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couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name · 4 years

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it would've been 100% funnier if Edward's approach to getting Bella to appreciate her humanity was less begging her to not be a vampire and more....forcing himself to hang out with her human friends so she has a normal teenage experience lmao

could you imagine Edward Cullen at like...a high school football game?

getting dragged to an amusement park on senior ditch day

at some party and he has to pretend to be drunk to fit in with all the others

Mike, Eric, Tyler and Ben all start insisting on calling him Eddie

he goes on shopping trips with the girls because he's the only one with a running car that also has trunk space for their bags

he starts using his mind reading powers for The Gossip(tm) and Jessica is absolutely obsessed...finally someone with decent intell

God at some party everyone's lowkey high and they start playing truth or dare and Edward's using his powers to choose the least embarrassing option but Bella catches on and Edward Trusts Her so she picks him and he's expecting something tame like...truth what's your favorite color, dare kiss me or something lol but Bella looks him in the eyes and with no mercy dares him to strip tease while rapping an Eminem song. Mike films it. Edward didn't talk to her at all the next day lmao

they all go see a horror movie together and to Bella's absolute delight 1) it turns out to be a vampire movie and 2) Edward falls for every single jump scare

The Guys(tm) invite Edward to some weird bro bonding sleep over and Edward's expecting to be bored out of his mind without Bella but 3 redbulls, 2 video games and one ouija board session later they're all crying about their deepest fears to each other. Edward's telling them he's scared that if Bella marries him it will doom her eternal soul to hell but he can't live without her and they're like 'Eddie dude that's so specific calm down' 'have you considered therapy man??' 'bro you guys are 17'

Edward and Bella get roped into helping out with the senior prank and it goes t e r r i b l y. First time in half a century one of the Cullens have gotten suspended from school lmao

he sneaks Angela's little brothers candy every time they hang out at her house

Jessica begs him to tell her what Rosalie's skincare routine is but the vampire's don't even really have to shower they can just wipe stuff off and be good to go and he knows Nothing about skincare so he panics and tells her something absolutely batshit that nearly ruins her skin and Bella and Esme make him treat Jess to a spa day as an apology and Rose searches up everything on human skincare and buys some stuff for her

GOD can you imagine how helpful it would of been during eclipse to have completely non-objective friends chime in on the love triangle bullshit...Edward can vent about it without mentioning the vampire's and werewolves and they can tell him he's being dumb because she's clearly head over heels for him and is just friends with Jake

He's like 'but what if she stops loving me,,,' and they're like 'dude she's literally wedding planning with your sister and mom right now please shut the fuck up'

one day they plan a beach trip to somewhere other than La Push and it's cloudy enough that Edward should be fine if he keeps a shirt on and from then on the group has a mission: See Edward Shirtless. they go to LENGTHS. switching into his gym class. spilling things on him. begging Bella to take pictures for them. Good Christian Edward(tm) is scandalized but Bella thinks it's hilarious and keeps telling them he had crazy tattoos

Edward trying to fake pop culture knowledge to fit in but it's not working so he actually has to start paying attention to shit from the current decade and now he won't stop ranting to Bella about Harry Potter and he's very invested in Britney Spears' mental health

Edward trying to decode text talk and everyone makes fun of him bc he texts like a grandpa

Edward after one joint is on a full rant about how America should have handled the Spanish Influenza- like he has a detailed list of complaints and ideas- and everyone is like 'Bella I know he's rich but he's such a nerd Are You Sure you love him' skdjjdmd

anyway. let the old man act like a teenager for once. as a treat.

#edward cullen #twilight saga #midnight sun #twilight #bella swan #molly mumbles

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gustingirl · 2 years

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gvf headcanon | they find out you're pregnant

request: hi lovely! could i perhaps request a headcannon of how the boys react to you saying you’re pregnant. i have major baby fever rn and i’m using fanfic to fill that void lmao

josh.

ok, first, he already knew. i mean he didn’t exactly know like some kind of wizard or fortune teller. i feel josh is the type of person to be attentive with his loved ones, especially if they start presenting signs that show they’re not being themselves, either by choice or not. and i feel like josh’s mind would always be thinking about having a child with you. we have seen this man is a huge baby fan and maybe even wants to be a father in the future, so any sign indicating you might be pregnant would be quickly caught by mister kiszka. also, he’s telling the whole world about it.

as i say, josh always has an eye on you. the signs were all there, right in front of his eyes, and they were too loud to be ignored. it started one morning that you had spent in the bathroom, throwing up your entire dinner from the night before. it was followed by the sudden pain in your feet and ankles. then he noticed the mood swings, the everlasting fatigue you seemed to be suffering, and the constant complaint about your breasts being swollen. separately, the symptoms were absurd and random, but as he summed them up, josh only came up with one conclusion, one he was expecting you to define. he knew damn well his mind was paying him tricks; he had been desiring this for a long time. his expectations only grew bigger as he watched you sneak inside the bathroom for a couple of pregnancy tests. however, to not be soon disappointed, josh worked hard to distract himself and forget about the signs. only days later, his daily session of lyric writing was interrupted by you. you were wearing an expression he couldn’t define with words, and that was enough for him to drop everything and ran towards you, the worst scenarios showing up inside his head. he stopped midway, anyways, as you spitted out the poor yet significant information you had about your future as a couple. whatever you were expecting from josh was definitely not the reality, and you were shocked to see the biggest, most sincere smile on your boyfriend’s face. and, for sure, you never expected the following words.

“i knew it! fuck it, i knew it!” he was jumping around, with evident pretty tears in his eyes, hands forming fists as he celebrated without you

“wh-what?” you were more confused than anything else, not comprehending one bit of your boyfriend’s reaction, but still appreciating it was not a bad one.

he didn’t waste time to explain it and just went over you, pressing your body against his with the warmest hug you have ever received. he pulled away quickly to pamper your entire face with kisses, changing that old expression of sadness into a one full of joy.

“god, i need to call mom! and jake, i need to call jake!” he was a mess of excitement and nervousness, as a bright unknown future was closer than ever, but he didn’t care.

josh was finally going to have his own family with the love of his life.

sam.

mmhm, i think sam would be totally afraid. i don’t of what exactly, i mean there’s a lot to be afraid of upon a pregnancy. even if it’s an expected one, pregnancy always implies big changes and people tend to be afraid of changes, especially of that magnitude. i believe sam would be mostly scared for himself, maybe thinking he wouldn’t be a good father with the life he carries.

he never expected your apartment to be so silent. you had made quite of a concerning call a few minutes ago, claiming you had something to tell him, something that could change everything. for some reason, sam thought the worst. even the possibility of cheating came up, even though sam knew well that you could never do such a thing to him or anyone. however, something was bugging him and finding your place filled with darkness and silence only made things worse. he called your name for a while, and only when you replied could sam breathe air. you were hiding in your room or so that appeared, as your voice sounded distant and muffled. he walked towards your voice, his steps echoing around the house. your room was as dark too, only being illuminated by a poor light on your night stand. before sam could ask what was wrong, his eyes found the papers. your stare was already fixated on them, and so sam understood those papers held the news you had for him. in that same silence, he took the papers and read them closely, completely misunderstanding where he was supposed to be reading. his clueless expression made you realize you should speak, and though your voice was barely working, you found the courage to tell him.

“i’m three months pregnant” you spoke, finally meeting his eyes.

there was something in them that you could not read. in reality, not even samuel knew what to feel. all he could understand was that he was completely scared. all the possible scenarios of your future together came up like a trailer of a long movie, and it was all too scary for him. his main concern, more like his only concern, seemed to be his responsibility. the idea of parenthood was nice until you had to put it to work. but then your eyes met and all that worry vanished instantly. though you were visibly affected, you still carried a scent of comfort that sam felt right away. it was evident on your face; you could only do this if sam was by his side. as he contemplated reality, you stepped down the bed and walked towards him, taking him into your arms and staying in that hug for a while, communicating only through your warmth and love. sam, now with his mind clearer than ever, spoke only a few words, but the only ones he seemed to be able to form.

“i’ll do my best”

danny.

i must say i think he would be the quickest to react but also would like go completely insane. i say the quickest as in i imagine the rest freezing and be like “you joking, right?”. but i think danny would actually react right away, first completely panicking because damn this came out of nowhere but soon he would be so happy.

you have been holding onto the news for a long time by now. you knew it was wrong; danny deserved to know right away, especially since he had been there for you since the moment you felt sick. it was surprising to say the least, when danny woke up suddenly in the middle of the night to find you throwing up in the bathroom. when it happened once, it could be simple food poisoning. it was after the fourth night that danny worried sickly and drove you to the doctor. the results only came in days later, when your boyfriend had to abandon you for a couple of weeks to join a short tour with his band. you thought of joining them, share with danny the news and finally receive an answer, which was the one thing eating you up. you were scared of his reaction, of his possible thinking process. you knew how much he wanted to be a father but the time had come earlier than expected and now things were not the same. however, your mind played tricks for days and now it was too late; danny was about to be home and you were holding in your arms the biggest surprise he could ever wait for. you tried faking a smile when you saw your boyfriend entering your shared home, but it was too hard for you. as you should have expected, your lover caught on it quite away, his own big grin fading as soon as your eyes met his.

“what’s wrong, my love?” danny feared stepping closer, and you felt like ripping the bandaid with one pull

“i’m pregnant” it came out of you faster than you expected, and yet jake reacted right away.

“really?” his voice, however, was quite soft, almost as a whisper; however, his smile had made a comeback “you’re pregnant?”

your eyes were soon bathed with tears and your voice betrayed you as you tried replying. when you closed your eyes to cry, you felt a wave of warmth when two arms hugged you tightly. the soft voice of your boyfriend resonated through your body as he spoke into your ear.

“we’ll be fine, baby. fuck, y/n, we will be parents”

and little did you know, his eyes were also crying, sending out the biggest tears of joy he could ever release.

jake.

i think jake would be truly frozen, maybe even nonverbal for a while. he would probably be thinking a lot, considering the future and the fact that he was going to be a father. but i have the idea that jake would probably worry more about you than himself, and so his first reaction would be to make sure you’re alright.

because jake had actually thought about this scenario before, after you two had spent several nights chatting after having sex. the topic of pregnancy and parenthood had been present in many nights, bringing slight fear and excitement to the couple. on your side, you were concerned about the impact an unsolicited pregnancy could bring. however, though jake expressed his agreement, his biggest concern was always you. not much did he ever care about himself. since you had arrived into his life, you had become much more of a priority than jake ever expected. now you were in consideration all the time, whenever jake needed to make a decision, a choice or even a question. now every plan had to include a “but what about y/n?”. he never once regretted that mentality, and yet he never expected for you to make that statement. it was always a dream you two could only have the luxury of thinking about, but now the dream had become a reality, and you were standing in front of him, showing, with quite an odd expression, a pregnancy test. the two red lines were enough indicators of the sudden change in your life.

“you’re pregnant” jake was intending to ask, but his mind sent the order as a statement

“y-yeah” you had no idea what to think or feel, but you body did; you were visibly shaking

a silence took over, where fear ruled the room. before his mind could react, jake ran towards you, pushing the test away and holding you close to him. he let you bury your head into his chest, gripping onto his clothes in an attempt to make sure he wouldn’t run away. it was not even an option and jacob knew; nothing could make him run away from you. now, however, his mind was only worried about you and, with that going around, he chose his following words wisely.

“i’m only happy if you’re happy, it’s always been like this and it will never change, no matter how many red lines we meet in our lives. now…” he made a pause before continuing “now we should rest, sleep and we will talk about this tomorrow. just know that i’ll always be the happiest man by your side, and nothing could change my mind”

#gvf #.gvftxt #greta van fleet #greta van fleet x reader #greta van fleet headcanon #greta van fleet headcanons #josh kiszka #sam kiszka #danny wagner #jake kiszka

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fruitytrollroll · 2 years

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Some additional thoughts from an anon re: Sasha Nein, Bad Role Model, if you like? I feel like another big factor to consider here is how extremely compressed the timeframe is- both in terms the amount of time the three games cover, but also of Raz's professional trajectory. As far as Sasha knows, he has this kid until the end of this camp session or 'til his parents pick him up, whichever is sooner. (Continued 1/?)

Maybe he convinces his folks to let him come back, maybe he just practices extremely hard at home, and then maybe in several years late-teen Raz applies to the intern program and Sasha can put in a good word for him. 'Ten year old prodigy speedruns psychic education process in a handful of days, bypasses almost all formal training, saves the day twice and gets accepted into the Motherlobe' is probably not a possibility he'd give any serious consideration. (ctd 2)

And then once that actually happens, Sasha is busy rushing off on a mission, getting de-brained, rushing off on another mission, interrogating Loboto, and then rushing off on the casino mission. Even if Sasha doesn't have kind of a blind spot for what unintended lessons he's teaching (and I agree that he probably does), he spends much of the rest of the timeline getting swept along by one event after another. (ctd)

He hasn't really had much time to think about the outsized impact he's had on Raz or what that could do to a kid, let alone recognize the mistakes he's made and to try to course correct. The contradiction is easy for us to see, but between Sasha's general temperament and all of the everything going on, it feels entirely realistic to me that he fails to make that connection. (/end)

oh my god this slaps

all these points are so reasonable and smart and i'm! going to kiss you! on the mouth!!

we've had 16 years to get attached to sasha and build up his dynamic with raz in our heads, but the fact remains that they've only known each other for maybe a week, tops?

raz might idolize sasha, but that is, as we say, a parasocial relationship! and while it's tempting to interpret their relationship exclusively from raz's point of view since he's the protagonist, raz knows a lot more about the senior agents than any of them know about him, and he's eager to do whatever they ask of him, desperate to over-achieve, and naturally talented enough to actually succeed at it.

like, the average camper would give up, or get distracted. and it's a common refrain to promise kids privileges provided they accomplish an improbable task. this way you can brush off complaints and nagging by setting the bar so high that there's no possible outcome where you'll have to make good on that promise. you can say no without brooking any argument, all while making it sound like you're saying yes!

but then raz just like. does that. and everyone around him is just like. holy shit. and at that point they might rationalize making good on the promise they made because well, he DID work really hard to accomplish this unreasonable demand... i should throw him a bone... and also at this point i am curious to see what he CAN'T do!

raz is so anomalously exceptional that people forget to hold him to like. normal human child standards lmao. (and also the suspension of disbelief was greater in the first game, but we can apply logic to the narrative that emerges as a consequence of that if we want to, as a treat)

anyway!!! that's really really smart!!! thank you for sharing!!!

#i don't know what i did to deserve anons with such hot hot meta #but i'm OVER THE MOON ABOUT IT #THANK YOU FOR SHARING!!!#sasha nein #psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #hot meta #razputin aquato #my meta

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alirhi · 3 years

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How I'd have done TFATWS pt 1

Okay, I am such a whore for positive attention that, yes, it literally only takes one person expressing interest to get me to do something lol. So, for the lovely @goblin-tea, here is how The Falcon and the Winter Soldier would have gone for Bucky if I'd been a writer on the show!

Also, shoutout to @gunshou, who popped up showing support when I was in the middle of writing this lol 😘

Episode 1: New World Order

I actually love how most of this episode was handled; it's what drew me into the show in the first place, and gave me such hope for the rest of it. Most of the changes that I'd make here are pretty minor, tbh.

I'd specify the setting in some way for Bucky's nightmare. Obviously, since he was there and knows what happened, when, and where he was, it wouldn't be like the setting changes in movies where they slap a big, bold title card over the scene. Still, I'd probably open with a brief establishing shot showing the city skyline or something; some identifying feature so that viewers can work out where this happened without needing a direct statement from Marvel (note: if you need to directly address your audience to clarify something from within your story, you're a bad storyteller). What year did this take place? I show technology from the time; perhaps a dated cell phone in someone's hand. The point is to establish where and when The Winter Soldier killed RJ Nakajima, without detracting from the emotional impact of the scene. Why does it matter? Because we should know why. Why is Bucky dreaming about this particular incident? Was it his last mission before the events of CA:TWS (a theory I see frequently repeated but with no evidence to back it up)? Was it earlier on? Is RJ only on the forefront of Bucky's mind because of his (unhealthy, but we'll get to that) friendship with Yori? How long has Yori been suffering under the weight of his grief?

I would not have had him crash through the wall, btw. As cool as that shot looked, let's try to remember that The Winter Soldier was a ghost story for 70 years. Ghosts don't leave giant gaping holes in hotel walls. I'm not saying brazen wholesale destruction is out of character for him (obviously not. I've seen CA:TWS lmao. many times. this moment lives rent-free in my brain:

found on google without credit; pls lmk if it's yours so I can credit.

but you don't become a "ghost story" if you always leave that much evidence, ijs)

I'd leave the terrible therapy session alone. That scene was beautiful. Beautifully shot; I loved how claustrophobic it felt, and it really did a wonderful job of showing how Bucky felt on the spot, scrutinized, almost put on display for this bitch woman. This scene establishes Raynor as clearly wrong, and an unprofessional mess, and Bucky calls her out on it. I fucking love that!

lmao gods, I love his painfully awkward forced smile... Guys, this episode is fkn great. (betcha weren't expecting so much praise from me, were you? 😂)

"You're free." "To do what?"

👆👆👆 In my show? That would have more of an impact on Bucky's arc. That question would be one of the underlying issues moving his whole story along. Twice in this show, he's told that he's free, but no one addresses what he's free from, much less what he's free to do next.

It's a minor thing, but when Yori tells Bucky to ask Leah out? I'd have Bucky do more than just shake his head in silent horror. Not much more, just something that matters to me as someone who's worked in the service industry for many, many years and dealt with too many creepos: Bucky would flat-out say "she's at work! that's harassment, Yori!"

Yori can still stomp right past that boundary, and Leah can still smile and agree. I just really want someone to verbally acknowledge that you don't fucking ask someone out when they're at work. Ever. Bucky cringing and apologizing puts the power of the conversation back in Leah's hands; it gives her an out to politely decline if she's not interested, and just laugh off Yori's flirting on Bucky's behalf as a senile old man being silly, so I'm actually fine with how this scene turned out. I just would personally have gone that extra inch there for the idiots in the audience who don't get Bucky's subtle "wtf" reaction and why Yori's suggestion was so bad. If someone's livelihood depends on being nice to you, keep your goddamn distance. Flirting with them or asking them out when they're at that big of a disadvantage and have virtually no power to say "no" is harassment.

Here is where I'd make one more subtle change, too. When Yori sees the mochi and is reminded of his son, and tells Bucky about his death, I'd just slip in a time frame. "x years ago, my son was..." blah. (Guys, it really bothers me not knowing when that scene took place rofl can you tell?)

One complaint I've seen a lot online about this show is how it's a bit murky on just how well known Bucky is in-universe. He can walk around Brooklyn with more or less total anonymity, but he's also recognized as "an Avenger" (when he was never actually technically in the group)... but honestly? I think it's actually pretty realistic. Just because someone's famous doesn't mean every single person on the planet knows who they are and what they look like well enough to instantly recognize them on the street. People look different in photos than in person, and pre-Blip, Bucky had the complete Jesus look - long flowing hair and a full beard. In TFATWS he's a little scruffy, but not this:

Sebastian looks like about 10 different men from one moment to the next just irl with a change in haircut, lighting, expression, whether or not he got enough sleep the night before... 😂 I don't really find it hard to believe that people not expecting to bump into an Avenger would have trouble seeing Bucky post-haircut as anything other than just another attractive white guy.

Anyway! Sorry for the segue lol. On to the date!

Earlier in this very same goddamn episode, it is established that Bucky can remotely operate a car with a tablet. This is not a technologically-inept geezer. This is a 30-something nerd who loves new technology, who, yes, is facing a brave new world and a whole lot of new technology, but has never shown any issue picking it up. The crappy flip phone he handed Raynor earlier? a burner to keep her out of what little personal life he does have (we never see it again in the real show, anyway). The "tiger photos" line? Stays, not to show Bucky's floundering ineptitude with technology, but as a little nod to his bisexuality. (don't like it? don't wanna see Bucky as bi? go watch the show and read Skogland's borderline-offensive interviews. This isn't "how I would pander to a homophobic audience" it's "how I would have written it." the "Bucky is bi" interpretation is super fucking common and has been since TFA so bite me 😁)

Tiny nitpick, but I'd also have the Battleship boards actually set up properly lmao. What even was that? Anyway...

I don't think I'd have Leah get all ranty about Yori and RJ. That's not first date talk, for one thing. For another, let's ease up on the beating Bucky and the audience over the head with that one incident in a single episode, shall we? Instead, I'd have her stick with the date questions - she asked his age, asked about his family; I'd have her follow it with questions about what he does for a living (giving us a chance to not only actually have that question answered for us - how the hell does Bucky keep himself from being homeless? lol - but also set up...)

He shuts down a little when she starts asking about his past; she's innocently curious, just trying to get to know him, but he's flinchy and deflects with questions about her. The date is awkward, but doesn't abruptly end with him running away lol. He walks Leah home, like the old-fashioned gentleman he is, goes home, himself, and end on him grimacing in his sleep, in the clutches of another nightmare: not as much detail as the RJ murder scene, we see disjointed, disorienting images of fluorescent lights glinting off of machinery, the occasional shot of Bucky writhing in the chair, a shot of that damned notebook (to remind the dumber audience members why Raynor's passive-aggressive notebook thing was so triggering for him), and we hear echoes of a couple of the trigger words, and Bucky's screams.

#tfatws #tfatws critical #how it should have gone #if i'd written it #bucky deserved better #bucky was a victim #victim not villain #take your victim blaming bullshit and fucking choke on it #episode 1

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daantaat · 3 years

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twu s2 thoughts even though nobody asked <3 just a brain dump and it’s quite long so I tried to separate my commentary by categories but it’s still a mess unfortunately. Spoilers under the cut!

General

Overall, I enjoyed season 1 more than season 2. I’ve watched season 2 three times now, and I do think it had some good parts that I definitely overlooked during my first watch (probably because I was preoccupied with Charlotte x Shona 😶😅). My initial reaction to this season was like ‘hmm so that happened and I’m not sure what to think’ but then I rewatched it and tbh I think my complaints are mostly to do with the time jump between seasons and the pacing...

Like yeah there’s only so much to touch on in six 25-minute episodes but!!! I finished the season wanting a bit more, because I thought that some of the things that were introduced were either not explained fully/well or they just dropped off completely and didn’t really have an effect other than me asking questions after the season was over, like it felt as though there were missing scenes— more on that later (though maybe they will be addressed in season 3??? If there is one? How soon do shows get renewed? Idk). Though I guess the audience does have to do some interpretation of their own but still... Idk! Idk. And the assumption that certain events/plot points mentioned in a character’s dialogue would be enough for context had me kinda “:///” y’know? Like don’t tell me, show me?? I’d like the full course please!!

Charlotte x Shona (+ Vish I guess)

I think it was really jarring to see their relationship grow from colleague/business partners to friends and then finally to something more in season 1 only to see them awkwardly handle their unresolved feelings in the workplace with nothing to show for their actual relationship besides a mention of “a week-long gay safari” + the brief flashes of a sex scene that was intermingled with Shona and Vish’s cyber sex session, which in itself is 😐😐😐 like yes it shows that Shona still thinks about/fancies Charlotte in some capacity, but if I were to choose between that sex fantasy/flashback or a flashback of Charlotte and Shona together (like Charlotte telling Shona she was falling for her!!!!)... I think I’d choose the latter? I was just disappointed that we didn’t really get to see Charlotte and Shona being all cute and romantic with each other this season :(

ALSO I wished we got to see more of jealous!Shona; I was super hyped to see that since that scene was included in the trailer. It was nice to see her want the best for Charlotte because she’s “great” but the jealousy part of knowing Charlotte is dating someone great got settled pretty quickly and instead we got Shona evaluating her commitment to Vish and considering the idea of having kids after learning she has a womb of a 39-year-old (😐) and it felt.... like a lot!! It was definitely different from season 1 Shona (”I actually don’t want kids” “I genuinely, I genuinely don’t, you know, it’s not a big deal. Just never have” in 1x04) but if this was to show her dealing with comphet or internalized homophobia or just simply running away from her feelings then... idk what to think of it! I really don’t. I think this is where things could have been written differently because using an affair with Charlotte like that (an affair that we didn’t even get to see besides the stolen kisses at the finance event) was so... ugh, I’m suffering here

Anyway, I think their office scenes were definitely highlights of the season, like Indira and Sharon really gave those scenes their all!! Even though it hurts to see Charlotte so heartbroken and Shona running away from her feelings and hurting Charlotte in the process, I live for the angst lol. I will say though, the 180 that happened after their convo outside Charlotte’s office was a bit “🤔” considering Charlotte had talked to her therapist about Shona for 4 months. Like one hungover feeling dump from Shona and they can move on? Hmm communication is connection, huh. And I guess they were just excited that the article got good results? But how cute that they got each other gifts of their picture in the article??? Wtffff I love my “unfunny and obvious” gal pals even though I’m in pain

As for the voice note... omg, so many questions. Like did Charlotte try to reach out to Shona after she abruptly ended their call to check if she sent the voice note to Vish?? Was that gonna be the first time Charlotte heard Shona say “I love you” to her? What was the reason Shona said “I love you” anyway??? Is she, you know 👀 Also do y’all think Vish will listen to the entire voice note since it was clear it was meant for Charlotte? And who knows maybe Vish’s phone died and he can’t turn it back on or check his WhatsApp or whatever. I’m in denial lmao. But also I think he's a pretty good guy, like when he sent biscuits over to the house when Shona wanted some and him saying what’s the point of having fun in New York when she's not there with him... :/ but he was also a bit weird about her putting a nail in a wall or leaving out the egg duck or whatever as a display item in their house though I suppose that’s not a huge problem so like idk man idk!!! I'm just saying season 3 better not have a time jump I need to see what happens and not just in exposition

Shona and Aine

Love them :) I wish they had more scenes together (if that's possible??) but I liked the somewhat change in dynamic seeing Aine a bit worried about Shona (asking her if she’s okay when she mentions she’s thinking of getting a fringe lmao and again asking if she’s okay when they’re unpacking in Vish’s house). And of course Shona is still very protective and worrisome but seeing Aine just miserably lounging around her apartment over the weekend and getting in her bike accident after Shona wasn’t too supportive of her and James’s business idea made me so sad :( like Shona was so shitty about her not typing up everything in the notes for the meeting! And not even reading James's CV... big yikes. Anyway I thought it was odd that we didn’t get a follow up on the voice note Aine left Shona after getting into the bike accident... like she sounded soooo shaky and out of it :((( what luck Shona was sick and didn’t see Aine with a missing tooth before she got it fixed

Anyhow, Aine was right when she said Shona needs to talk to her and talk about her feelings more!! AND this is part of where my complaint about the pacing and the missing scenes comes into play! I think we should have seen Aine and Shona fighting about Shona’s affair and leaving Vish the voice note. The audience knows Aine cares about Vish and I’m not entirely sure where her relationship with Charlotte stands since Charlotte told Freddie about her being in rehab (on the assumption that he knew, as Aine’s ex-boyfriend) but!!! Just cutting to them on the floor waiting for Vish’s flight to land was not as hard hitting as it could have been

Aine x Bradley (+ Richard)

OKAYYY. Cute!!! I definitely overlooked the signs during my first watch here but yeah they were definitely there during my rewatch(es)!! I quite liked seeing Bradley try to get Aine to stop talking negatively about herself and just try to treat herself better in general like exercising and actually eating off of a plate :’) and the comparisons between Bradley and Richard have me like 👀📝 Bradley saying he likes how much Aine talks vs. Richard’s friend Mark saying she talks a lot and how he wasn’t expecting a whole show to which Richard replies he thought that at first too but she “calms down” like brooo... alright. Anyway Bradley going with her to Tom’s funeral/service made sense since he actually met Tom (though Aine did vaguely talk about him and his drinking problem to Richard in 1x05) and the fact that she told Bradley about PACT and her time there but she didn’t tell Richard (to be fair she was thinking about telling him) hmm 👀 Also Bradley saying “Sometimes it would just be nice to be with someone you could just relax with as yourself” yeah I’m on board with them

Loneliness, COVID, Communication is Connection

Initially I thought these themes could have come across a little stronger but after rewatching... hmm. Yes, Shona was lonely in the house by herself; she even asked Anil to stay for dinner, had her own “pile of shit” boyfriend on her bed (which she did clear off), and told Vish that nobody had time for her. Also after the business meeting she asked Aine what she was doing during the weekend (which Aine also spent alone anyway), but I dunno... oh yeah her hen/bachelorette party was a bit lonely since places were starting to go into lockdown and not everybody could attend, but I think the COVID element entered a bit too late into this season? I’m not sure it really added much in terms of the loneliness. Maybe it did add to the uncertainty of things though

“Communication is Connection” was there but I thought it kind of fell flat as well, but maybe that was the intention— to highlight the mess that a lack of communication can cause? Shona apparently writing off Charlotte’s feelings and them not necessarily talking about their relationship/feelings until their convo outside Charlotte’s office... Shona talking to Seema saying she’s never really asked what Vish wanted (regarding kids) and Seema saying that’s a convo for her and Vish to have... Aine not telling Richard she overheard him and Mark talking about her... Richard not consulting Aine about telling Etienne about them and just getting a new tutor for him... hmm. What does it mean. What does it all mean

Other stuff I’m still thinking about/have questions about

Shona mentioning it’s “annoying” how Aine talks like she’s the only person to ever get sad in episode 1 but still telling Aine she’s fine and then in episode 6 Shona saying she only has two emotions or whatever so she doesn’t need to talk to Aine about her feelings as much -____- istg we need to get Shona to talk to a therapist in season 3!!!

I also liked that Shona, Aine, and Eileen talked more. I’m still a little disappointed that the fact Eileen leaving Shona for three months when she was a baby was not mentioned at all. Yeah it was a secret but when Eileen said “well, you should never lie. You’ll always get caught out.” I— HELLO? If anything, that secret seeing daylight could have had something to do with Shona's sadness + loneliness this season. Also could you imagine that becoming a fear of Shona’s, like what if she doesn’t want kids because she’s afraid of doing the same thing to hers if she has any??

Jim asking Charlotte if she’s straight and Shona immediately going “what does that have to do with anything” or something like that and apologizing to Charlotte after Jim left— I’m not sure how I should have read that??? Did Shona mention to Jim that Charlotte is a lesbian?? When he started to ask, he was still looking at Shona (yeah I’m reading too much into this I know)

Marcia figuring out that Aine and Richard were seeing each other (after he touched her hand on his way out to get a taxi)— what was the purpose? Other than Marcia obviously feeling bad for Etienne, whom I assume she sees as a son of her own (based on the Mom Instinct™ snooping when she was doing housekeeping + her convo with Aine when he came back from France). She didn’t talk to either Aine or Richard about it, just told Aine to have a good time when they were leaving the house to go to their “separate” events. I guess it wasn't her place to say anything, but hm. Speaking of Etienne, it was obvious he had a schoolboy crush on Aine (or at least he was vying for her attention) in season 1 and it’s really too bad we didn’t get to see his reaction to suddenly getting a new tutor or dealing with Aine and Richard’s relationship other than him looking at them hugging while the new tutor was teaching him. He deserved some more screen time this season :(

Hmm so that was all very incoherent but if you made it this far thank youuu <3 here are some last silly comments:

Absolutely loved Julie!! I want to know what she knows about Charlotte and Shona 👀 girl give me the scoop on the last 4 months at the office

Super sad we didn’t get to see Charlotte’s cat (I’m always gonna be vocal about this 🗣🗣🗣) or know who her new girlfriend was but at the very least we were introduced to one of the most important side characters of all: Charlotte’s stompy boots <33333 she really wore those around the office with a blazer/blouse/leather skirt! We love that lesbian attire

#aka me: grasping for straws #also hulu changed the description for episode 6. interesting #this way up spoilers #this way up #spoilers #my post #k.txt #this is so long i'm sorry

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closer-stars · 3 years

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Gut Feeling (4)

Member: San Genre: Angst???? Just a lot of discomfort and tension tbh Word Count: 12k (what the actual--) Requested: Yes Content: Like what I said, lots of discomfort in this. Anyways yay tension. Food mention bec people need to eat. Idol life is messy as heck. :flashes a peace sign through the stress: Also roughly around last few weeks of inception going thanxx promotions lmao Note: One month later, Part 4 is here. Apologies for the late delivery, my mental health really took a dive with everything happening lately. Things are kind of looking up but not entirely. Also this idea really marinated in my head that’s why it’s so long... So much you could do with this prompt tbh. TY to @hwaberrykiwi @yeocult @yeochikin and @barsformars for dealing with out of the blue messages regarding this fic when I was writing-- disregarding the weeks long silence from me.... hahah ily i’ll link the previous parts after a day just so this could appear in the tags lol

Part 3

The past few days have been quiet. Nothing came up between the two of you since that night. Nothing came up but things have quieted down. You can only suppose that it’s because of how exhausting it has been. At least that’s what you think when you try to rationalize it to the strained schedules getting to him now. That’s the only way you’ve been able to keep yourself together in front of everyone, by rationalizing everything that feels off with exhaustion.

It works to a degree. The makeup covers up the lack of sleep beneath their eyes but it can’t add to the needed sparkle in their eyes. That’s where the ring lights come in. Everything physical can be fixed with makeup and lighting, that’s what the industry does. But emotional? That’s another thing altogether.

Things were technically smooth sailing despite the chaos. You still go home late, just not for the usual reasons. You still go home late when the members stay late in the studio but that isn’t often at this point. They’re still human, they need rest. On the other hand, Hongjoong still goes to the studio though not to the point where Seonghwa has to pester him to go home. You bring Hongjoong home often now. During this leg of promotions, it’s Yoon who brings them to the first half of their schedules, Bae brings them to the second half-- it’s not easy waking up at 4am just to bring eight boys to their schedules. You’re in charge when it comes to the late night schedules. At least this way, you don’t have to talk to them since they’re too worn from the day’s activities.

Hongjoong sits on the passenger seat next to you, busy eating the dinner you had bought for him. The ride home is quiet, just him munching on his much needed meal and the ice cubes in your respective drinks.

“Manager-nim?” He speaks up carefully.

You hum in response, still not tearing your eyes away from the road.

“Has San been okay?”

That catches you off guard for a moment. “As far as I know, yes? Did something happen?” Something that didn’t revolve around _that_.

He sips on his coffee for a moment, mulling over your words. “He’s just been in his head more often nowadays, I thought he might have talked to you about what’s on his mind.” He reasons softly against the lid of his cup. Now he’s not the type to force his members to talk to him about their issues, they do have a day where they gather and talk about concerns from the past week and the upcoming week. Despite that, there are some worries that can’t wait for the weekly session.

You hum in thought. That’s not good. “He hasn’t told me anything.” You return. How can he? He’s often at the farthest end of the car, slumped over catching up on rest. “Is there something I need to be aware of, Hongjoong?”

Your words cause him to laugh thoughtfully. “You’d think because I’m the leader, I’d know what’s on their minds…” He starts. “I don’t know what’s on his mind, much less know what could have happened. If he does tell you something that I might need to know...” He trails off, but you understand where he’s trying to get.

“I know.” You return gently. You had your doubts that he’d talk about it, especially to you. “Don’t push yourself too hard on it regardless. Though, I do think he talks to Seonghwa or Wooyoung about these kinds of stuff doesn’t he?”

“That’s true.” You can tell that the air in the car has eased a little and with that the rest of the drive has turned quiet.

Upon arriving home, Hongjoong slides off his seat, rearranging his things. Considering the two of you lived in the same building, it was still the two of you on the way up. Perhaps San learned this habit from his hyungs?

Now that you think of it, you wonder how San has been. You know how tired he is when there’s no cameras around but still he gives so much for the team.

“Manager-nim?” He says carefully while the two of you wait for the elevator to bring you to your designated floors. You respond with a soft hum. “If the boys start to act up, please tell me. I know you’re the manager but sometimes they get too much to handle, I can keep them in line too.” His words cause the corner of your lips to quirk upwards, touched by his worry.

“It’s okay, Hongjoong. I can still handle you boys.” You tease lightly as you shake off his concern lightly. When the elevator alerts the two of you that you had arrived at his floor, that’s when he realizes that you didn’t press your floor number.

“Hey--!” It’s moments like this that remind you that they’re the youngest in their families. At his complaint, you shoo him off.

“Come on, Hongjoong. You need your rest more than I do.” You wave him off, chuckling at his shocked expression. Maybe being someone who works behind the scenes had its perks even outside the work environment. He pouts at you, unable to argue and he bids you good night, thanking you for the safe trip.

--------

He arrives at the dorm, which was mostly peaceful save for the frantic clicking of the mouse and keyboard tapping. At least there wasn’t much yelling but he didn’t need to peek into their rooms to know that the guys were playing an intense League match. When he gets to his room, he’s greeted by Seonghwa doing his usual home training. At least he had a shirt on this time.

“I thought today was your rest day.” He said as he hangs his bag on the corner of his bed.

The other, still in the middle of a plank, manages to rasp out. “Habits. Hold on.”

Hongjoong lets him finish his set as he changes into something more fitting for sleep. From the way his hair sticks to his skin, Hongjoong could only guess that this was probably his last set for the night. “Go shower first stinky. We can talk after.”

Seonghwa looks at his roommate in a mix of fake insult and annoyance. “Say that to me after you do your laundry.”

He looks at his laundry that seems to agree with Seonghwa. He carries the basket to their washing machine. “Now go stinky.” He repeats much to the other’s dismay, already loading it into the machine.

After Seonghwa has done his usual lengthy shower-- seriously what does he even do? The two fill the other on how the past few hours went. Particularly, the talks with San and you.

Seonghwa starts it as he dries his hair with his towel. “San didn’t really say much. He was pretty vague about it, something about feelings and something about wanting a re-do.” It’s usually like that at the start for San, he noticed. Always at a loss for words until he lets himself be alone. Regardless, if there’s something he and Hongjoong have, it’s the sixth sense when it comes to the members.

The leader hums in response. It was a bit of an expected move from the younger one to keep to himself, he does see a little of himself in that kid. He wasn’t that successful in his conversation with you either. “Yeah, they didn’t really say anything with me either.” He does recount to the best of his memory the entire conversation.

The two of them sit in silence, both concerned over how this could affect the group. Seonghwa then sits up, eyes shining with alarm. “I think he confessed to them.”

Hongjoong stares at him, dumbfounded by how he reached that conclusion until he remembers how the members often tease him when you’re not around-- he didn’t really join in on it. How he seems to show off a little more whenever you’re around. It’s to the point he even waits for you after you park the car, none of them even do that. He buries his face in his hands, he knows how San takes rejection so harshly. It’s one of the reasons that propelled that boy to dance like his life depended on it. “And I’m guessing, they didn’t accept the confession.”

The words make the oldest wince. “Choi San….” Seonghwa groans, dropping his body onto his bed. The two of them realize that there’s a situation on hand and they’re not really sure if the other boys know. Some of them could, some of them might not. “We should probably ask Yunho or Wooyoung if he has said anything in the near future.”

Hongjoong nods at the suggestion, suddenly too exhausted to say anything else. “Let’s just get some sleep for now. We still have one more leg of Inception promotions this coming week.”

Seonghwa switches the lights off, knowing full well that once Hongjoong’s in bed, there’s no getting him out of it unless it’s the next day. “Sleep well stinky.”

“Whatever.”

-------- The Inception promotions end without a hitch… well as smoothly as it can. Considering that there’s now a quiet lull in between the promotions, the boys have been using the time to clean the choreography and eat. It’s not ATEEZ if there’s no food. You only entered the studio towards the end of their practice, slipping quietly to sit next to their stylist and Manager Bae as they fixed the last changes for their performances. The rest of the members are walking around the studio, breathing heavily after what was probably their nth run of their next promotions.

“You’re bringing them home?” You ask him as the stylists show you the plans for their clothes. You’ve seen some of these fits during the photoshoots and music video shoots but some of these were a first. You were sure the boys would look good in these. You take note of the changes, taking a few photos of the sets to transfer to your laptop.

He hums in affirmation, too busy keeping note of the changes they discussed while you were gone. You notice San’s the only one on the floor, everyone else already packing up their things.

“Are you going to stay late tonight?” You ask him, as he’s still on the floor, too exhausted to pull himself up.

“Probably not, I promised Yunho I’d play a few matches of League with him.” Silence falls on the two of you, either one unsure of how to continue the conversation, much less on how to end it. Why did you expect him to stay? For more, why did that make you feel a little heavy?

“Ah.” It was the only thing you could think of at that moment.

Your reply causes a pit in his stomach to sink. Without thinking, he returns the question for the sake of conversation, even though there was no point in it. He doesn’t know why he still wants to talk to you, knowing that talking to you only puts more strain to him. “Are you?”

At his question, you nod. A flash of confusion on your eyes that are immediately pushed aside for the sake of professionalism. “Yeah, I have to assist in the deals with the externals team. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You don’t give him another word, opting to end the conversation with a polite bow before making your way to the office. It wasn’t the whole truth, nor was it a whole lie. Regardless, you tear your eyes away from him.

Silence trails behind you and keeps San company for the next few moments. He winces to himself, not liking how things are going between the two of you. He pulls himself up when Yunho calls for him.

On the way out, you’re greeted by Seonghwa’s figure waiting for the rest of the boys. “Oh, hello Seonghwa.” You say out of surprise. “Not grabbing something to drink from 7/11?”

His eyebrows raise, not expecting someone to greet him at this time of the night. “Manager-nim!” He greets you with a tired smile. “Are you going home soon?” He asks, standing a little straighter this time. “And, I think we have enough drinks at home…” he mumbles though it doesn’t sound that convincing to you.

His question makes you smile a bit, but you shake your head at his question. “Unfortunately no. I have to do additional work to do with the externals.”

His eyes widen at your words. “Did we get more offers?”

His words make you mull over your thoughts. You know of one offer that’s already confirmed but you doubt they’ve been informed. “Let’s just say, you’re really staying true to the whole Back to Zero hint you’ve pulled during your Crescent Party.” You say with a chuckle.

He doesn’t get enough time to understand the hint you give him-- a taste of their own medicine towards ATINYs when they ask for hints. Wooyoung’s already calling him annoying nicknames to get him moving and you chuckle at the pained expression on his features. “Go home, Seonghwa. Don’t want Wooyoung to annoy you more. You’ll know this once the deals are finalized.” You bid him goodbye, sparing the boys a wave before retreating to your office.

--------

It’s already the middle of the second leg of promotions and you’re already at your last leg of energy. You probably need around two to three days to recover properly, at this rate. For now, you try to continue forward, the finish line is oh so near. You slip into the studio, not surprised to see the lights still on, but surprised to still hear ATEEZ at this hour. It’s a familiar sight in front of you: eight tired boys on the floor or slumped against the wall. Those with enough energy throw any apprehension out the window and change their tops in the studio.

“Are you staying late in the studio tonight?” You ask San as you check the time. The boys are already getting ready to head home, San on the other hand hasn’t moved an inch. He’s in his thoughts as he stares at his bag. Your question, though, brings him out of his head and he picks up himself up. It was a question out of habit, months of having done it over and over, it was still a challenge to curb such actions.

“Yeah. I need to clean my levels.” It only made sense that you’d bring home since you practically live under the same roof. Were you expecting him to say otherwise? Slightly. He doesn’t look at you but he makes his way to the computer again.

“San! You’re still staying?!” Yunho exclaims, he’s the last out the door to which San acts as if it was a normal thing.

He laughs at the shock on his member’s face. “Relax, I didn’t like my levels in the last run so I’m doing it again. Go ahead though, Manager-nim’s bringing me home.”

“Heyy, we all know that means you’re spending another three hours.” The taller returns with a whine.

You watch the two banter, a small hint of amusement quirking at your lips but you immediately squash that. You tip your head to quietly bring the attention back to what’s at hand. “Just tell me when you’re done, San. I’ll be at the office.” Without missing a beat, you excuse yourself out of the studio. Two pairs of eyes following your retreating figure until you disappear from their sight.

Once you leave, Yunho looks back at the male with a raised brow. “San.”

The other makes a disgruntled sound at the tone of his voice. He knows what that means but he just can’t get himself to talk to you still. The taller male leaves him be and his shoulders fall once he’s left alone. No matter how many times he runs the choreography does he find himself satisfied with his performance. He can’t put his 100% into this when a part of him still lingers in thoughts of you. The song still plays on loop but he stops dancing for a moment, trying to bring himself into slowly going through each count to focus on what needs to be addressed. It goes well for the most part but in moments where he needs to catch his breath, to ease his parched throat, his mind stumbles to you. He looks at the clock on the computer screen.

At least he didn’t hit the three hour mark that Yunho betted on.

He changes into something less uncomfortable than a sweaty shirt before stepping out of the now dark studio in search of you. He sees the office not too far from where he is; he takes a deep breath, one that he associates with exhaustion rather than apprehension as he walks to where you said you’d be.

He peeks into the office, seeing you with your fingers threaded to your hair as you write and pause for a moment to shift to your laptop. He stays there for a moment, watching you work in your own zone. He watches you work from time to time, but rarely does he see you scowl at your work. The way your eyebrows furrow at what’s in front of you makes him ponder over what could be giving you a hard time. Maybe he should’ve asked you about yourself as well instead of having your interactions be centered around him. You’ve had a few talks with him though mostly centered around his experience and you occasionally have to reign him in when he’s too caught in his emotions. He wonders if this is why you fell for Seonghwa. He shakes his head to shoo these thoughts before he starts looking like a stalker outside the office, so he knocks twice to get your attention. “Hey,” he trails off, clearing his throat. “Are you ready?” He asks softly, standing awkwardly by the door once you look at him.

You look at the clock. It hasn’t been three hours, well it’s nearly three hours but not quite. “You finished early. Give me ten minutes.” You note as you pack all your things.

He stays in his spot, eyes roaming the room, seeing small things that differentiate your space from the others. You had small post-its color coded over some sheets of paper that were unreadable from his spot, typical work essentials along with a small corgi plush the size of his palm resting next to a few pens. The small thing makes him smile for a moment, once he sees that you’re ready to get moving, it disappears. He lets you lead the way to the car, popping his earphones in for the long ride home.

It’s quiet for the entire ride home, except for the radio playing whatever the public has been into. You don’t look over at San to know that he has his earphones in, neither of you try to start a conversation. Maybe it was better that way anyways.

Once you parked the car, you shake his shoulder gently to wake him up. “We’re here.” He wakes up almost immediately unlike the past times where he makes it near impossible to wake him up. He raises his head, slightly disoriented with the scattered lights in the parking lot, he looks to the driver’s seat and you’re already out of the car. He hops out of the car, running his hand through his hair as he tries to wake himself up. The car beeps and you pull at the door to make sure it’s locked. Once satisfied, you walk around and find him already by the elevator. This surprises you but at the same time were you expecting anything else?

You put on your earphones as well, as you wait for the elevator to arrive. As much as he wants to get on the elevator first, he wasn’t going to let you be on your own at this hour. The doors slide open and the two of you get on, staying on two opposite ends. Your finger presses his floor, out of habit, then you quickly follow it with your floor number. The cool metal shows a hazy image of your reflection, nonetheless you take the chance to look at yourself. Even against this material, your exhaustion is clear. Your eyes linger to the blurry image of San through the walls and his slumped figure as he looks at his phone. Thoughts of how to mend the relationship bubble in your consciousness only to be popped by the elevator arriving at your floor. “Good night.” You say, out of respect.

“Good night.” He returns under his breath, and he waits for the doors to close behind you before he lets out the breath he’s been holding. Now that it’s just him, he lets out a long frustrated groan. Why couldn’t he get himself to talk to you? To clear things out? He never gave you the chance to explain yourself or himself. He just took your lack of answer as a no and admitted defeat. Would trying to get you and Seonghwa together mend his damn heart? He’s also selfish. He wants you. He doesn’t want to lose to his hyung but Seonghwa is also his hyung. He’s someone he respects and loves like an actual brother. Another turmoil in his head as he watches the number on the screen reach his floor.

He arrives at his room, greeted by the sight of Yunho playing League without him. “Damn, look at you. You don’t need me to hard carry you through a match.” San muses as he tosses his bag somewhere in the room. He doesn’t know if Yunho even heard him over the constant comments that the game makes over each kill. Regardless, he needs a shower.

---------

He comes back from his shower and Yunho’s headset rests on his shoulders, scrolling through the internet mindlessly. “Did you get to talk to them?” Yunho asks, his eyes haven’t left the screen-- probably watching someone’s gameplay.

San lets out a disgruntled sound as he dries his hair. “I didn’t get to, they had their earphones on.” Even to him, this explanation sounds weak.

Yunho pauses the video then looks at the male, clearly not buying his words. “San.”

“I’m serious.” San interjects, his face crumpling in discomfort. “Even in the hours of my practice, they were in the office the entire time.”

“You know, if you just said you weren’t ready to talk to them, that works too.” Leave it to Yunho to cut to the chase.

His bottom lip juts out at such a strong statement from his peer. “T-that’s one reason too…” He mumbles as he climbs onto his bed, defeated by how quick it was for Yunho to see through him.

The other male stays on his seat, leaning against the backrest as he watches the other. “There’s no rush, honestly but bro, you really need to talk to them soon. Your own good is for the good of the group too.”

His words make the younger look at him weirdly. He’s aware of how his heart is on his sleeve since birth but his words make him wonder just how evident his heart is. The look on his face makes Yunho laugh softly, as much as San does his best to look after everyone, Yunho still had the upper hand of being an actual older brother. It felt like he was talking to his younger brother with how confused San was. “It was kind of obvious that you couldn’t put yourself into the practice earlier San. None of us just commented on it because we know you.”

San falls onto his pillow, half his face covered by the soft material as he shoots rainclouds at the male who is clearly unaffected by his attitude. How can he? Yunho’s right. It’s obvious when he isn’t putting his heart into it. It’s obvious when he’s got something in his mind while he practices or performs. He didn’t want to affect the boys with his personal issues. While he isn’t ready to talk to you, he needs to find a way to separate his personal life with his work life.

His roommate looks at the bothered male with a sympathetic smile. “Let’s figure this out some other time, it’s 3AM we need sleep.” He shuts off his monitor, already making his way to the lights. In a few days time, their THANXX promotions would start. San’s going to need to separate his emotions soon. Maybe those acting classes would actually help.

--------

It’s D-2 before THANXX promotions and the staff had made sure the boys were eating right. You were grateful for the existence of yogurt and fruits, otherwise having the boys eat their vegetables would be a headache. They’ve been eating enough while making sure to leave room for their rehearsals. Today’s the last day of practicing in their outfits for the future stages. Thankfully, the clothes for the first stage were already ready.

You and the rest of the staff had marked the studio with colored tape, while those who were in charge of production already rehearsed how the cameras would move. Truth be told, you haven’t kept up with the news but with how the production team was moving, you could only assume that the cases were rising then dropping. The boys do one run in their stage outfits with little to no issues-- save for San having to pin his pants. Once that was all over, the boys talked with the stylists for any minor changes and reviews for this set while you and the others removed the tape from the flooring.

The same thing happens for the rest of the night: managers eating ahead, switching around to keep an eye on their rehearsals, the boys eating later on then back dancing and singing. Perfectionists but it is expected, this song was more in their comfort zone after all. You’re the last in the office again, Manager Bae bringing them home this time. Brand deals were your worst enemy but they were a high risk, high reward if done right.

You peek into the studio, seeing the boys already packing up. Manager Bae is off to the side stretching his back after hours of moving around. You toss the keys to him to which he catches with grace, much to the group’s entertainment.

San catches your eye and you glance over at him. Something in you hardens but you try to keep it subtle. “Heading home early?”

He’s caught off guard by the question. “Y-yeah, I’m heading home with them tonight. You don’t have to wait for me.” He answers after recovering his composure. He shifts his face to your direction but you don’t meet his eyes. Silence falls over the two of you for a moment. With that, you nod at his words.

“Is that so? Then, get lots of rest tonight. I’ll see you guys in the morning.” With that, you tip your head to bid him goodbye, shuffling away from him and into your office. You don’t give him time to ask if you were going home as well.

His eyes follow your figure as you quickly leave the room and something in him causes him to let out a sigh. He doesn’t have the heart to stop you, wanting nothing but to relieve his stress with a match or two against Yunho. Hell, even just sleeping doesn’t sound like a bad idea. He lets out another sigh, shoulders dropping lower than usual before he steps out of the studio as well, greeted by the sight of his fellow members, bustling about by the elevator.

Sometimes being quick on your feet had its perks, for example, you slipped away from the boys before they could see you scurry away to your office. Once you had arrived, you let out the breath you’ve been holding in since you left the studio. Now that you don’t wait for San in the studio anymore, your schedule has gotten a lot freer than expected. While this should be a good thing, your body isn’t used to it and ends up restless. You sink into your chair, looking through your to-do list. You should be accustomed to rapid changes, but this was a change you had trouble getting used to. For months, you did your work in the studio, while San practiced his dancing and singing. It was to the point where you gave up using earphones to focus and let San perfect his technique until it became white noise to your ears. Now, the silence was deafening. Earphones are popped into your ears, putting your music on shuffle.

[ Manager Bae to Manager Chat ] Bringing the kids home today! You guys want anything on the way back?

You bring your phone up to your eyes, a frown on your lips as you think of what to reply.

[ You to Manager Chat ] Sweet Cream Cold Brew and chicken sandwich please? I’m staying in the office for overtime lol

[ Manager Bae to Manager Chat ] Call.

You look at the time. It’s 9PM. He won’t be back until 10 or 11 depending on the rush. Hell, you realized that it’s been a while since you managed to catch a breather in the office. You could barely keep your focus so you end up looking through your phone, doing the routine clean up for the sake of your phone memory.

For the sake of your sanity, for once, you don’t push yourself to work at least until your (late) dinner comes in. You decide to call your best friend, in need of an ear that would listen because shit your thoughts are just a jumbled mess now. Her phone rings on and on, until you reach the familiar beep of a call untouched. You try again but you receive the same flat note. You tap the red icon on your phone and opt to send them a message.

[ You to Jiwoo ] Need to talk to you about some personal stuff. Nothing life threatening, just super stressed.

You put your phone away and stare at your emails and paperwork. If you can’t write something up, at least you can organize something right? It’s mindless work until Manager Yoon comes back. Jiwoo replies after a while.

[ Jiwoo to You ] Good that you said it’s not life threatening. I just finished watching a zombie movie. I’m free Sunday night/Monday.

Her life choices barely faze you at this point.

[ You to Jiwoo ] Smart choice to watch a zombie movie at night. I’ll be free by like… past midnight?

[ Jiwoo to You ] I’ll buy the soju. Bring mixers and some food.

You break into a fit of giggles at her words. A serious heart-to-heart talk was always capped off with a chill drinking session at her place.

You continue to organize your files, moving some of the files to a hard drive, especially now that some of these files were for the duration of Inception promotion. As you go through your files, you’re greeted by various selfies from the boys, some expected from twenty something boys, some looking very much boyfriend-dol of them. Most of them coming from Seonghwa and San, though San beating the older by a few more. You remember how the conversations always went; San would always ask which one was better, you always doubted the legitimacy of your decisions as usually the social media staff were in charge of that. He would pester you still for which one was better until you chose something. Now that you look at them with the current situation in hand, things slowly made sense.

A heavy sigh slips through your tired lips as you watch the bar fill up, waiting for all these documents and photos to be in your hard drive. You know some of these photos were going to be needed for their birthday videos and other special events so it was best to not delete anything. Somehow your need to organize everything overpowers the small part in you that wants to process and understand everything that happened between you and San.

“I’m back!” Manager Bae declares much to your surprise. You jolt up in your seat, surprised by his sudden presence and you look at the time. 10:15PM.

“No traffic?” You ask and your eyes trail to the food in his hand. He catches how your eyes look at the bag of food instead of at him to which he laughs, like manager, like idol after all. The older male places your food on your table before he settles down by his space.

“Surprisingly none,” he starts, while you rummage through the bag for your sandwich first. “The boys fell asleep fast in the car too so things went smoother than expected.”

“They’ve been constantly on the move since September, haven’t they? It’s bound to catch up to them.” You say before taking a bite. With your free hand, you skim through your documents and emails. “After this round of promotions, they have a show with Kakao plus acting offers already. It’s almost still full speed ahead for them, still. You told the boys of the acting offers already didn’t you?”

“Yeah, Yunho and Jongho are the most excited for it. Expected since they’re the most vocal about wanting to venture into acting.” You could already picture the looks on their face when their wish came true and it brings a small smile to your face. It’s moments like that that makes you think your work is worth it. A few minutes pass as you get halfway through your sandwich and Manager Bae stands up again, ready to call it a day. “Are you still working overtime?” He asks as he glances at the time.

You take a sip of your coffee, feeling a little awake from the gradual caffeine fix. “Yeah, probably just two hours more. I just want to finish all of these deals and stuff.” He looks at you with a hint of concern but nods. You were a stubborn one, not wanting to stop when the finish line is so close.

“Don’t forget you got the car keys for tomorrow’s schedule.”

That makes you pause to do the math of your travel time plus sleep. You have enough time if you keep to your schedule. With that set, you flash him a reassuring grin. “Duly noted with thanks. Get some sleep already, you’ve been on your feet since early morning.” You say as you wave him goodbye. He laughs at your choice of words but lets it be. With that, you’re alone again. Alone with your thoughts and your work.

Maybe silence wasn’t the best way to deal with this.

---------

[ You to Jiwoo ] Fuck it. I’m gonna send you voice notes of everything that has happened. Cause I swear if I don’t get this out of my system, I might just lose it.

You look at the text you composed for a few moments, you’re in bed now, drying your still damp hair. You remove everything and write everything down in your notes app instead. There were things that were better mulled about first instead of being spoken about recklessly. The blank message box taunts you to say something but you don’t. Instead, you put your phone away and ready yourself for sleep.

---------

You wake up to your phone buzzing reminding you of the new day. The last you remember of your hazy dream was San. [dream dialogue?] You’re not sure if that was a good dream or not, details fade before you could make more sense of what it was. Regardless, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth about today.

[ You to ATEEZ ] I’ll wait for you boys at the parking lot. Be there by an hour latest.

[ Seonghwa to ATEEZ ] frodo_thumbs_up

With his reply, you trust that the rest of them would know of your order. You finally get out of bed, getting ready to start what could be another long day. Once you look presentable, you make sure you have everything you need for the day. As you make your way to the parking lot, you look through your messages, and you feel a little better knowing that all your drafted proposals have been approved and are just waiting for the green light from the partners. This also means you have to give the boys the rundown soon. You sent a message to the manager chat of the updates.

The doors open and one by one the members enter, causing the van to roar to life-- in this case, not the engine. The sudden influx of noise startles you, nearly dropping your phone in the process.

“Manager-nim!” whines Wooyoung, who was seated right behind your seat. “Why don’t you pick us up from the dorm anymore?”

You reach behind you to pat his head, or well whatever you can pat more of. “Wooyoung, you boys are already adults..” You reason lightly, trying to keep your tone light. Unfortunately, your head is anything but light. How exactly do you make sense of a dream where someone who has feelings for you appears in them? Especially a talent. You’ve heard stories, rare that they ended on a good note too.

Those words bring some sort of feeling in San. A bitterness that not even his performance insecurities could bring. He had his earphones in, not wanting to talk to anyone this early.

‘San’s not a morning person for the most part, just let him warm up on his own.’

Manager Hwang’s voice rings in your head and it’s the only thing that’s trying to reason with your uneasiness. Once you’ve appeased Wooyoung, you count the boys to make sure they’re all accounted for before driving them to the company.

The car mellows down into quiet murmurs between those who were awake and in between awake and slumber. It felt like everything was back to normal for the most part.

Things go by like normal, stylists who you haven’t seen due to schedule changes have decided to gush to you over the latest gossip that you missed out on. At least they were nice enough to gossip with you after styling the boys, otherwise that would’ve been a disaster.

“Yes, so they disregarded their contract and are dating a fan.” The tone gives you an odd impression.

“You make it sound like this isn’t the first time he’s done it.” You note, frowning at such idea entering your mind. It’s the look on the stylist’s face that tells you you’re correct.

He sighs. “I’ve worked with them for a number of years, their contract states they’re not supposed to date for at least two years after debut. This boy doesn’t even cover it up while doing his work. I’m not one to shame an idol for dating, I’m worried for those who have to cover up his trail and his members if he gets caught.”

Your blood runs cold at that. It sounds all too familiar for you. But you don’t show signs of your fear to the stylist, knowing better than to talk about issues of the heart with that at a time like this. That said, you opt to just frown and sigh at such actions. It’s hypocritical of you but you couldn’t get yourself to act any other way. “I hope he gets his act together.” You mumble.

“Who gets his act together?”

Everyone jumps at the sudden voice and heads turn to the direction. You stand up immediately after calming your racing heart. “Wooyoung! Don’t scare us like that!” While your tone carries no hint of malice or disappointment, it does carry a tone of someone who is used to his antics.

Your nagging causes him to snicker. “Sorry for scaring you.” He starts, while giving the other staff members an apologetic bow. “Who were you talking about?” Leave it Wooyoung to sniff out the sauce.

At his question, you shake your head, flicking his forehead in the process. “Nothing that concerns you, Wooyoung. You’re done with your hair and make up?” You shift the topic to something else, much to the relief of the staff and your heart.

“Yes~” God, it’s so difficult to stay mad at this boy. You watch him shuffle away to change into his performance clothes then shift your attention to the rest of the boys who were just catching up on a few minutes of sleep while waiting for their call time.

Today’s stage for them was going to be pre-recorded as they had another guesting at the time the music show will air. You wake up those who were still asleep when they had thirty minutes before their call time. “Guys, get ready. You’re going to be called to perform soon.” You say softly, not wanting to scare them. This somehow gets them on their feet quicker than expected, you look around then you spot the camera pointed at their direction. As a reflex, you immediately cover your face and you’re thankful that San managed to step in front of you, now joking about with Wooyoung as they warm up. You take the chance to slip away from the camera and you watch from a distance as they get ready, right on time for one of the production staff to usher them to the stage as they hand them their microphones.

Once they bid their goodbye to the camera and make their way off to the sides of the stage, a part of you falls into unease. Seasoned eyes look around the room, trying to spot for anything that the boys may have forgotten. ‘Mingi didn’t forget his gloves, same goes for Wooyoung. Did Seonghwa not wear his choker…?’ You ask yourself questions, all of which were answered as you look around the room and the tables. A part of you wants to assume this is just your brain drifting to that weird dream you had and for once, you hope that this logical side of you is right.

The monitor in the room has you watching how the boys do their rehearsals, two of which were to get used to the stage difference, the last being for the camera work. Once all that was done, alongside the makeup retouches, they were ready for the final run. It’s not a surprise that the last run was better than the rest, you checked your phone, it would take them roughly ten minutes to get back to the room.

It’s been a while since they finished and you excuse yourself from the mindless chatter the other staff had busied themselves with. “Get ready to pack up already.” Your voice gentle but still holding authority as you knew of their schedules. Where were the boys? You step out of the room looking for them. It took a few moments until you did find them but they made no move of leaving their spot. Something in you forces you forward and you see one of the production staff members throwing their anger on them.

“Excuse me, did something happen?” Truth be told, you hate confrontations but this is part of your work. If this argument is stretched any longer, you fear that the boys would be late to their next schedule.

The staff member’s voice booms, bouncing off the walls, as he decides to lecture you on how to make artists be aware of their own mishaps with logistical matters. While he didn’t call you names, it was evident that his anger was starting to become misdirected. It’s a miracle how you managed to hold your ground amidst the tirade despite the storm brewing behind your eyes. So you smile, bright and easy against the man. “Yes, while I would like us to deal with this now, I have to bring these boys to their next schedule--” He cuts you off with another rant, and your features stiffen. As you were about to open your mouth, you feel someone’s arms block you. A few blinks try to get you back to reality and you look at the arm in between you and the staff.

Seonghwa.

Hongjoong and San are trying to appease the staff member. Your mind goes into static, you tell the others to go back to the room to pack everything up. “Meet you by the car. Your next schedule is an hour away. Let’s hope there’s no traffic.” You say and Yunho manages to reign the rest in to do as told. Afterwards, you shift your attention back to the staff and put the two boys behind you. “I’ll cut to the chase. Here’s my contact details.” You bring out your calling card and place it in his hands. “We can arrange damage fees by tonight. I apologize for the hasty end to this discussion but the boys still have promised schedules to fulfill.” You bow out of respect and apology and leave the scene. The three following you close behind.

You know the three are talking, over what? You aren’t sure. Your mind’s on auto pilot, overwhelmed with everything. The stress has been at an all time high for you but you always push it down, focusing on what’s in front of you. Yet, the staff’s outburst is probably the last thing that’s going to break you. A subtle pinch to your arm and you bring yourself back to reality. You check their dressing room and everyone’s already gone except for the boys who were just about to open the door. “Good, let’s go.”

---------

The trip to their radio guesting was bustling with confusion towards the angry staff as they try retrace their steps towards that event. You on the other hand, are just grateful for the lack of traffic, you’ll get to the next schedule with a few minutes to spare. Nothing from their discussion enters your ears, too focused into making sure that everyone gets to their destination in one piece. You can deal with your emotions and reactions when the day ends.

On the other hand, San’s been brooding about what has happened. Seonghwa and Hongjoong ask the members about the broken mic that fortunately lasted until the end of their performance. He didn’t like how things played out there. A lot of things are brewing in his mind, all of which were related to you and Seonghwa. His shortcomings of not responding immediately also being an additional burden. The staff’s outburst stunned everyone and it was Seonghwa who managed to respond first by stepping in between the two of you. As expected of the eldest. Hongjoong and him only snapped out of it after he moved. No wonder, you preferred his hyung. Something was swirling in his pit and it wasn’t anything good.

Before San could make sense of these conflicting emotions, the car smoothly parks and the doors slide open. “We’re here.” You state and you hop off the car. He blinks out of his thoughts and follows the rest of the boys. They’re greeted by a warmer group of staff who give them a rundown of what’s to happen for this guesting. They’re greeted by lunch sets with their names on it and that was enough to elicit excited chatter from them. When the staff informs them that they’re eating as well in front of the camera as they talk about their album, it gets only louder from there. Even it gets him flashing a genuine smile, they drop their bags off in the room before being ushered to where teh show will be aired.

You followed the boys and were greeted the same way they were greeted. You talk with some of the staff on the way inside, they hand you your lunch set and you stare at it dumbfounded. “I don’t remember this being part of the fee..” You mumble. The staff catches your words and she beams at you.

“It’s on us! We know you guys have been on your feet for so long, so we figured it would be good to give you guys something to eat.” She explains and it’s another whiplash of emotions in you. Maybe you do need a day off soon. You look at the woman in stunned silence for a moment before bowing out of gratitude.

As the boys do their thing in front of the cameras, you stay in the room, slowly eating the meal you were gifted with. Your confusing dream must have been a warning of what this day would be. With this hour to yourself, your mind wanders to the gossip earlier: an idol dating behind everyone’s backs, for the lack of a better term. You shared the same sentiments, idols should be able to date whoever they want, but it’s the disregard to their contract and group that stresses you out more. One way or another, it strays towards San’s confession and his avoidance. He’s a man with his heart on his sleeve, and a head more stubborn than a bull. Just who did he think you had an interest on? You were mindlessly picking at your food, before snapping out of it when you remembered that you were eating. It took longer for you to finish your meal, not used to these portions after months of being on the move but you managed. Your phone buzzes and it startles you out of the silence.

[Jiwoo to You] What time are you free

[Jiwoo to You] need your help on making a statement.

You stare at the messages in confusion. What is she on? Just as you were about to answer, you hear the claps and the choruses of ‘You did well!’, ‘Thank you for the hard work!’.

[You to Jiwoo] three hours.

[You to Jiwoo] what happened?

You keep your phone and clean up after yourself just in time for the boys to enter the room with the same staff member telling them that the meal is free. The director follows them and thanks everyone for the successful shoot, thanking you as well for taking care of the eight boys. The praise catches you off guard and all you could do is laugh softly and thank them for their words and work.

Everyone could feel the end of the day’s schedule when they hit the road back to the agency. The boys were still in their stage outfits and they wanted nothing but to be in something more comfortable. For once they weren’t fast asleep in the car, they were too busy eating still (is there even a limit to their appetite?). All you could hear was their chewing and occasional excited yelling because of how kind the staff were to provide them with food and just let them talk about their album freely. A part of you smiles as they recount the last schedule. Let them have their fun before they end up talking about that damned mic. You had to admit though, hearing them eat is kind of making you hungry too.

“We’re here.” You state and everyone’s surprisingly finished with their meals. They’re that hungry? They hop off the car and rustle about to return into their regular clothes. They had to return these clothes to their stylists to prep them for the succeeding weeks of performance.

Once they’re greeted by their stylists, the environment suddenly booms with energy. Food really does something to these eight boys. It takes a while before you’re greeted by them in their normal clothes again. Their makeup long gone as well. They look like regular twenty something like this. Manager Yoon exits the office, taking the keys from you, the swift work surprising you.

“Hey!”

“My turn, remember? Hongjoong is staying late tonight..”

You pout, sometimes being the youngest in a company makes it easy for your seniors to tease you. After his words, you nod. “Alright, just give me the keys when you get back.” You wave the rest of them goodbye, and you look at Hongjoong who’s just leaning against the wall. “Are you going to stay late to work on music?”

He flashes an apologetic smile. “You need our side of our story too.”

This was going to be a long day but it had to be addressed. You just hope it would end with enough time to get to talk to Jiwoo.

The next few hours went by with the two of you trying to clear everything. Hongjoong recounting everything that had to deal with the microphone before the staff’s outburst. He even apologizes for you becoming the victim to those words.

“Hongjoong, it’s not your fault. You don’t have to apologize for something you didn’t do.” You counter gently. You just wanted your bed, to just retreat from today’s events. You can write up an email to the staff in the morning.

“It’s still our fault, regardless, that you had to deal with that.” Hongjoong returns, he’s not angry at all. On the contrary, he’s frustrated. Not only does he have to deal with schedules on top of schedules, composing, and San’s emotions, he had to deal with an unnecessary outburst that shouldn’t have been directed at you.

You just flash him a smile, dropping the topic. “Anyways, I’ll relay this to the staff in the morning. Manager Bae will be in charge of your schedules tomorrow.” You look at the time, only half an hour before Jiwoo calls. “Let’s get going?”

The ride home is quiet as well, at least the silence isn’t stifling. He busies himself with his phone, looking through anything new that has happened in social media. You look at the clock from time to time, a little bit worried for your friend who would call anytime soon.

“Are you okay?” Hongjoong asks, his voice snapping you out of your anxious state.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He doesn’t need to deal with your own issues. “Can you keep an eye on my phone? I’m waiting for a call.” You ask just in time for the light to turn green.

He spots your phone, leaning against the cup holder and puts it on his lap as he goes through his phone. Fifteen minutes in and your phone suddenly vibrates in his hand. He looks at the screen and reads the name out loud. “Jiwoo is calling you..” He says, a little confused if this is the call you were waiting for.

An annoyed hiss slips from your lips. “Pick it up.” It was inevitable.

“I’m driving.” You state, asking for a few more minutes. Voice a little louder, to carry over to your phone.

“I’ll be quick, I need your help making a statement.” Her voice rings loud and clear. You look at Hongjoong, he probably put it on speaker. You shoot him a look to keep quiet.

“On what?”

“Fans found out one of my idols is dating and have been emailing the agency nonstop. I made a draft already and I need your eyes and thoughts to fix any errors.” She says and you rub your temple with your free hand.

“Send the draft to my email. I’ll get to it in forty five minutes. I’m on my way home.” You state, as you drum your fingers against the steering wheel. “I’m guessing this is what the staff was talking about earlier.” You say though a little softer.

“You know how word travels fast in this industry.” She returns with a groan. “Call me when you get home, I’ve sent the email already.”

“Will do, bye.”

She hangs up and you let out the breath you’ve been holding. The silence that hangs over you and Hongjoong is heavy. “Whatever just happened, is between us. If the others find out about it, let them find out about it themselves.” You rarely sound this stern and stressed that all Hongjoong could do is nod.

Maybe that was why you rejected San. Jiwoo was right, word travels fast in this industry, it’s why he always has to make sure the boys don’t go out of line too much for their sake. He lets them learn from their mistakes but none of them grave enough to affect their name. This one though seemed heavy, especially if fans were emailing the company already. He was going to need to talk to someone though to know how to deal with San should things go out of hand. But how can he when you tell him not to with such a tone? Hell, you don’t even know that he knows that San confessed to you.

Once you enter the parking lot you unlock the doors. “Get out of the car already, so that once I park the car smooth ride up to our apartments.” You say, a little gentler this time as you seem to have calmed down after such a bombardment of information. He looks at you with raised brows but follows nonetheless.

By the time you get out of the car, you see Hongjoong waiting for you with the doors already open. An odd weight falls between the two of you as the doors close.

“Is that why you rejected San?” Hongjoong carefully asks as the elevator slowly goes up.

Your eyes are shut as you let yourself catch a breather before answering his question. “You know already, huh.”

“Seonghwa and I kind of figured it out with his sudden mood shifts.” He reasons. “Yunho figured it out too but I doubt the others do yet.” He adds.

A groan slips from you and you want nothing to just slip down the floor. “Can we talk about this confession thing when your Thanxx promotions end?”

“That’s too far..” He tells you. For once, you can see why the members look up and respect him so much.

A pause.

“Fine, Monday. You have no schedules anyways.” This makes him smile a bit. The sooner this is fixed, the better. The conversation is fortunately, cut short when the elevator rings at your floor. “Get some sleep, Hongjoong.” You bid him goodbye as you step out.

He calls for your name carefully and you stop in your tracks. The lights from the elevator hasn’t closed either so you turn to look at him properly. “Thank you really for everything. You can lean on me or Seonghwa at least, for anything.”

Something in you softens at those words and you nod. “Yes, sleep well Hongjoong. Manager Bae’s going to be the one in charge of your schedules in the morning and afternoon.” With that he waves you goodbye, the doors closing between the two of you.

Once you were left alone, your eyes heat up but you shake yourself back to reality. “Still got work.” You remind yourself.

You don’t know what time you fell asleep, but it’s already noon. “Shit.” You immediately check your laptop if you’ve sent the revised statement to Jiwoo that you worked on. A relieved sigh escapes your lips when you see that you did. You reviewed your emails and see if there’s anything you need to get done. For the first time, you don’t have much to deal with so you check on your social media to see what’s been going on.

The idol that Jiwoo was stressing over last night is trending.

You stare at his name for a few moments, deciding if you should check what the noise is about or what the fans have been saying but you think otherwise. Instead, you opt to get ready for what’s left of the day before heading to the agency.

--------

The boys were on their phones while waiting for their call time. Some of them playing video games while the others look at social media. They see a familiar name on the trending topics and decide to see what’s going on.

Seonghwa immediately leans to Hongjoong and shows the news to which the latter winces. He looks over at San and he and Wooyoung are also looking at the same post.

“Should I message him?” Wooyoung asks, he glances over at the older two when he feels their gazes on him. “Did you see the news too?”

“Yeah. Check on him if you can.” Seonghwa gently urges, worried also for their friend. Truthfully, the rest of the group wasn’t that close to that idol but considering Wooyoung, he’s bound to have some sort of friendship with him.

San’s busy in his head, mulling over the news. They just resigned. Their friend resigned over being caught in a dating news. His eyebrows are furrowed, deep in thought as he’s just as worried as his friend but he’s worried also for you. For some reason, even when he tries to avoid you, his thoughts still go back to you. How many messages has he composed that he would delete? How many times has he tried to get himself to act normally only to fail and close himself off from you?

Hongjoong keeps his eye on his two members, clearly with their own problems regarding the news. He knows one will be fine, but the other… it’s hard to say. He looks over at Seonghwa who’s a little bothered by the entire thing as well. “We need to talk to Manager-nim later.”

“I’ll handle it. Think you can handle San for the time being?”

“Yep.”

--------

[Jiwoo to You] well fuck, regardless of the statement, they just resigned.

It takes a moment for you to understand what she was referring to but once you did, you freeze up. It’s like all your biggest fears were coming true, though not for you, it’s right in front of you.

[You to Jiwoo] drinks this weekend? Your place?

[Jiwoo to You] call.

You were going to put your own problems on the back burner for now. This girl probably had to hold so much together thanks to that guy and now things aren’t getting any better until probably months down the line. Too busy in your own thoughts, you accidentally spill water on yourself. “Please.” You murmur to no one in particular as you wrap your jacket around your waist before cleaning up the mess in the kitchen.

--------

[Seonghwa to You] Are you free later? I think we need to talk about San.

And here you are thinking you were their manager but then again, the age difference makes it easier for them to see you as their friend after work. You lean against the back rest of your chair.

[You to Seonghwa] Yeah, free by 6pm. I’ll wait for you.

Seonghwa shows the reply to Hongjoong and they relax a little. They need to know what you think of San because it was starting to get clearer that you never gave him a definite response to his feelings.

You stare at your messages, even going as far as reading through your conversations with San which consisted of various topics and banter-- with the occasional fishing for praise from him.

Why were you so affected by his feelings?

You spend some time watching some of the videos he has of the members having fun, you could clearly hear his laughter on one of them and it makes you smile a bit, missing that sound a little too much.

It takes your phone buzzing with another notification to snap you out of your thoughts. “Ah, two more hours.” You note at the time, not really looking forward to your talk.

[You to Seonghwa] do you want me to get you something to eat as well? Lol

[Seonghwa to You] hehe please?

[You to Seonghwa] lmao, fine.

Still a kid at heart, really.

--------

If the food you have on the counter from 7/11 says anything, it’s that you decided to wait for Seonghwa before eating, and that you’re prepared for his appetite.

[You to Seonghwa] I’m at the office kitchen.

[You to Seonghwa] I also have meat.

[Seonghwa to You] ^^*

His reply makes you snort, already picturing his excited grin at the mere mention of meat. It won’t be too long before they arrive at the office. The door opens mere minutes later and while you expected the room to suddenly boom with noise, it was only Seonghwa who entered the room. He catches the look in your eyes and for some reason wanted to tease you about your feelings but now isn’t the right time for that.

“Relax. Everyone else is just changing and getting ready to head home. I told them I’m staying behind to do some vocal practice.” He knows you well enough to know that you need the complete story when it comes to their schedules. Also because it’s not the complete truth.

You sigh in relief and gesture for him to sit and eat already. “Let’s talk about it when everyone else is gone.”

“No one can hear us here. The room next to us is the gym, the room next to the gym is the studio so you’re fine.”

“Seonghwa.” You say, still a little tense with the mere idea of the boys walking in on your talk.

“You can’t push this away forever.” He cuts you off, his voice taking on a little bit of strength that surprises the two of you. The look on your eyes makes him look away as he starts to eat. “I’m sorry about the tone but I’m serious. You can’t push this away and think it’ll fix itself.”

Silence falls on the two of you as you unpack your meal. You let go of the tone slipup, he was right and you doubted this issue could wait for Jiwoo. So while you wait for your respective meals to heat up, you tell Seonghwa what happened: starting from the small things San would do since your first day up until the moment he confessed to you. You admit that you were stumped into who he would think that you would fancy as you have inevitably been stuck to them since their promotions started.

That’s one thing Seonghwa didn’t expect, sort of. San’s jealousy is something everyone’s familiar with but jealousy in the aspect of romance wasn’t something Seonghwa expected in this situation. It actually makes him forget that his meal is still hot, causing him to slightly burn his tongue from the unexpected temperature spike. At the sight of his blunder, you hand him a glass of water to which he refuses as he struggles to chew the hot piece of beef. You decide to just watch his struggle as you sit there and eat your food.

Once he succeeds, he takes a few sips of water. His eyes clearly watery from the pain. “Are you okay or do you need a moment?” You ask him, trying to hide the fact that you were amused by his struggle to regain his composure. He finishes what’s left of his water before he turns his attention to you.

“Did you ever tell him your answer to his confession?” He asks you and it’s the way your shoulders drop that tell you that how you answered or lack thereof is the reason why San is the way he is. “You didn’t tell him that you like him too?”

Now’s your turn to choke on your food. You stare at him incredulously as you try to regain some sort of control with your food mishap. “W-wait..” you sputter out as you try to catch your breath. It takes some time before you’re able to breathe normally and eat. “I never said anything about me liking him?”

“You never told him?”

“How do you even react to someone who tells you they like you while nearly about to fall asleep while standing?”

“I don’t know…” he trails off, gathering the right words in his head, just as he was about to continue, the door swinging open causes the two of you to stop.

“Didn’t know you guys were still here.” To be honest, you didn’t think San would be in the studio either.

“San-ah, I thought you went home with the rest of the boys already.” Seonghwa says, straightening up as he sets his food down. The younger catches how his hyung’s eyes flit to you then to him.

The younger steps inside the kitchen, refilling his water bottle. “I didn’t. I wanted to squeeze in a workout. I thought you left already.” He returns. All you want to do right now is leave the room. He turns to the two of you once his bottle was filled and it’s unnerving to see his eyes look so steely.

“I was going to leave later but we can go home now.” Seonghwa returns calmly. His eyes return to you trying to look as if he was asking if they can go home. You knew better, the talk was going to happen some other time. With that look, you quickly finish your meal, then packing up the trash.

“Sure. Let’s go home.”

---------

The ride home wasn’t any better: both of them busy with their phones, both sitting at different sides of the car. At least you had full control of the radio.

Now in San’s eyes, he wonders why Seonghwa would’ve said he was going to do some vocal practice when he was eating dinner with you in the kitchen. He didn’t think of his hyung as someone who would lie. He’s better than that isn’t he? The younger does feel a sense of annoyance though, that he would say such only to go behind their backs and eat with you. He’s trying hard not to think of the worse of his hyung knowing well that he’s the better option between the two of you, but with the recent news of their friend resigning due to dating along with his feelings for you? It’s a challenge. He shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath, doing his best to calm himself down.

“San-ah, your shoulders are tense.” The older’s soft voice calls him out of his thoughts and it effectively gets him to drop his shoulders. Seonghwa looks at the other for a moment then returns his gaze to his phone. He worries of what goes on in his head especially after seeing the two of you in the kitchen. He genuinely didn’t think that San would stay late especially during promotional periods. He worries that he may have made it worse for everyone, especially him and you.

“We’re here.” Your voice makes the two raise their heads from their screens. The cold lighting of the parking lot telling them that they are home. You hop out of the car first, waiting for them to get out while making sure you got everything with you. Seonghwa goes ahead, hoping that the talk (or whatever was talked about) makes you move.

San does it for you though. “So I guess I got my answer?” He pipes up, lingering around you. His gaze beyond you but at his hyung who’s waiting for the lift. Your confused look makes him hiss in frustration. His reaction makes you snap, too tired from all the mental gymnastics you do, too tired from bringing them from point A to point B day in and day out, too tired from keeping yourself together for their sake, for your friend’s sake and for yourself.

“San, how sure are you about it? All of it? You’re confusing my care for something else. Everyone is worried about you, I have to worry about you as well and while I am your friend, I’m still your manager. At the end of the day, my job is to make sure you guys are able to do your job as artists.” Your blood runs cold at how those words rush out of you, you could barely look at him. The only thing you can hear is your heartbeat and the car’s security lock. “San, how sure are you about my feelings? How are you filling in the blanks that I should be filling?”

Those words make his feet move, leaving you in the dirt as he walks over to where Seonghwa is. For a moment, you feared that he would get physical-- boy has a black belt after all. He doesn’t. He just lingers by the back, waiting for the lift. He should’ve done a more strenuous workout just so his mind would stop running.

Seeing him look like so makes you sigh. You had to admit your faults on that, you’re just so tired. You promised your day off would be after promotions but you kind of wish you could make it earlier and have it this week. By the time you arrive at where the two are, the doors of the elevator opens letting the three of you in. You don’t press your floor number first, letting the boys get their rest first. You’re getting additional hours of sleep today anyways.

“Good night.” You mutter as the two of them step out of the elevator. Seonghwa returns the greeting and so does San. Though one looks back and gives you a friendly wave, the other stalks off, shoulders just as tensed as it was earlier. You look at Seonghwa and shake your head. That’s all he needed to know as to how the mere moments he was out of earshot went.

“Joong and I will deal with him. Get some rest and think it through. We still need to talk again.”

“Yeah.” You just hope you didn’t fuck it up for everyone. Something in your gut told you otherwise.

Part 5

#ateez fanfiction #ateez angst #ateez san #ateez x reader #ateez fanfic #ateez writings #ateez scenarios #bro it's been more than a month since i posted something #weeks since i wrote something properly #lmao pandemic tingz #anyways have this #the mere idea of not being able to talk out your issues just because youre so busy is Stressful in itself holy fuck #my writings

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skeletorific · 4 years

Text

This Got Out of Hand (and we’re out of paint): Marvus Xoloto ♦♠Reader

yall i swear i’m gonna get on writing stuff that actually got requested but this idea wouldn’t release me until I’d finished it so here we fuckin go

This simply could not stand.

Black flirting and romance, once upon a time, was a concept utterly foreign to you. It had taken roughly three conversations with Tegiri and Polypa on the topic (and a lot of time spent around Galekh and Tagora) before it had registered to you as anything more than consistent hate fucking and passive aggressive remarks.

That was before you met Marvus.

The clown was many things: attractive. Creative. Charismatic. Funny. Way more intelligent than he presented himself as. He was also a shit-starter, would probably pail with Zebruh before he would confess to a genuine emotion without fifteen layers of casual slang and innuendo, and seemed to take intense pleasure in riling you the fuck up whenever he got the chance. One way or another he wormed his way into your head, and suddenly you couldn’t stop hearing his voice in your head even when he wasn’t around. Challenging you, teasing you, testing you, doing his utmost to get you a nice, steaming anger before ruffling your hair with a wink and walking away.

It was also possible you were a little bit smitten with him.

Or maybe a lot.

Regardless, in time you’d come to understand that it was a mutual thing. For as much as he didn’t show it, you were beginning to read between the many, many lines with the clown. He enjoyed the hell out of you, sure, but he also seemed to find you something of a puzzle. Beyond the fact that you still hadn’t kicked Zebruh to the curb (and he never failed to send you an eye-rolling emoji whenever he appeared in one of your Chittr photos), every story about your past that came up seemed to render him a little bewildered about what it was you’d put up with in order to attain those sweet and lofty fruits of FRIENDSHIP.

“i mean, lil stab-stab here, lil push off a cliff here, ‘sall gucci sunshine. normal n all that shizz.” He’d said, in one of his rarer moments of honesty. The fact that both of you had slammed a couple liters of faygo in the aftermath of a particularly exhausting show probably had something to do with it. He lounged on the couch, absently combing fingers through his piles of hair. “but keep hangin out wih m-fers what still wish ya harm, or bloo shizzheads what won’t take no for an answer, that’s a whole other thing, uhearme?”

You’d waved dismissively from your position lying on the floor. You were a little drunk yourself at the time. “Its fine. Usually. And when its not its like….phoo, somehow it gets fine anyways!”

“jus sayin” he said, shifting until he was upside down on the couch, face inches from yours. Close enough that you could see the greasepaint starting to flake off. “need sumbody what can keep ya from gettin urself killed, lil buddy.”

“You volunteering?” You’d crooned. Ok, croon is a strong verb, it was more like slurred, but crooning was the intention is what matters.

“u askin me to?” He smirked, pressing a single claw to your forehead. Internally, you’re pretty sure that’s not how volunteering works, but noticing that isn’t at the top of your hierarchy of needs currently.

“Mmmmaybe.” You rolled onto your back. You can feel your heart pounding just a bit right now, but somehow your voice is floating even and light. Like you don’t have a care in the world, and this is just one more joke in the scheme of your weird mobius double irony reacharound of a relationship. “Maybe I wanna go all gorlekh with you, what do ya think of that.”

“‘scuse?”

“Gorlekh. Gorgor and Lekh-…..lekh….” You made a dismissive noise, gesticulating your hands wildly as you moved to sit up. “The black one!”

“….ur talkin spades?”

“Yeah! The kissmissies….kissmich….” Wow faygo was no joke on your system. “The hate one. Like I don’t hate you, except I think I do a bit? But like in that weird alien way where I think it just makes me like you more and its confusing but I don’t wanna stop and you’re so damn cute and….and…”

Your voice trails off.

Because the man is honest to globes grinning. No smirk, no lazy half-smile, no lowered eyelids, nothing to give that careful impression that he’s only happy in a chill way. Just a huge, toothy smile that split his face.

Bro that shit was radiant.

“m-fer, u have no idea what ur in for….”

—–

You really hadn’t but you hadn’t had a moment of regret since then.

It was a constant game of one upmanship between you, an intense competition to see who could get who to visibly express their emotions first. Maybe that was unusual by kismesis standards: it didn’t seem much like Tagora and Galekh’s dynamic. But you were enjoying every second of it, and if Marvus had complaints he sure as hell wasn’t voicing them.

The only downside, all told, was the lack of time.You didn’t have hours to build on the tension. More often than not you had moments between shows. Actual antagonism had to be planned in to make sure the point got across without actually getting either of you hurt. After a full day of work he was usually too burnt out for more than light teasing and, to borrow his phrase, “sloppy makeouts”.

Those sloppy makeouts were becoming in themselves the point of your focus.

—-

After one such particular petting session, you glanced at the clock out of the corner of your eye. Fuck, it was late (er….early) and you had a long walk home with your car out of commision. You sighed, pulling yourself off of him with no small amount of protest. “I’ve gotta go.”

“u got some1 else u gotta do this to” he muttered, getting to his feet and brushing himself off. You were starting to realize a denied, overtired Marvus was a grumpy Marvus, which was as endearing as it was needy as hell.

“Maybe~.” You say, enjoying the glint he got in his eyes. You straighten out your clothes for a bit. “Tomorrow?”

“day off tomorrow bruh. clown church” He slipped an arm around you from behind, leaning down by your neck. “which means u can stay here-”

“Mm-mm” You slip free, nudging his face back. “Not tonight. Not here.”

“keep tellin ya juggz don’t spread shizz around” He said, lips pouting out a bit, which forces you to look away.

Denial is part of the game, after all.

“‘Juggz’ aren’t the only people around here. And I’m not looking to get your fanbase up my ass. I’ve got more than enough people looking to cull me”

“Hehe, tryna make me jealous ;o)”

You roll your eyes and head for the exit to his dressing room.The cool night air beckons outside, but you find your path suddenly obstructed by his arm. With a huff, you look up at him. “I’m heading ou-Mmm!”

The head turn had allowed him to get a grip on your chin and pull you into another deep kiss. Not a kiss, actually, if there was a word for it you’d describe it as some kind of facial wrestling match. He kissed around your mouth, your cheeks, your eyelids, in rapid succession, all the while insistently rubbing his nose and cheeks against your face as you spluttered.

“Marvus-I—hey!!”

With a final peck to the tip of your nose, he drew back grinning ear to ear, face paint now a smeary mess. “have a nice nite, b~”

And you suddenly found yourself outside, hearing the door lock behind you.

Oh that little- You snatched your phone out of your pocket and turned on your front facing camera. Sure enough, your face was now suddenly covered in white-grey paint, already caking on your cheeks and making you look like you’d fallen face first into glue.

“Marvus, I’m gonna kill you!” You said, pounding at the door. From the other side you swear you hear him laughing, which is only adding kindling to the fire at this point.

Great. Perfect. You could either face the long walk home or use your sweatshirt to wipe it off and leave a visible stain on the black sleeves. Fuck it, you won’t be able to make it to Tyzias’s to do laundry for a bit, so you’re gonna have to walk of shame your way home. Fanfuckingtastic.

Practically the second you crossed the threshold your phone buzzed.

therealxoloto: send pics before u clean urself up aight ;o)

Oh he wanted a fucking-

You sent him a well backlit photo of your face, largely covered by an Alternian hand gesture Mallek had taught you.

therealxoloto: hell ye that’s that good shizz

Alien_among_you: you think you’re so funny

therealxoloto: clown church baby lmao

therealxoloto: i’m fxxkin hi lar i OUS

therealxoloto: ♠

Alien_among_you: ♠

You go to bed with cheeks red and chapped from being scrubbed, which was DEFINITELY the only reason they were red.

—-

After that, no kiss was safe, not truly. He’d found a button to press, and he sure as hell wasn’t gonna leave it alone while it still worked. Sometimes he’d led you go days, wipes even, without an incident, only to jump you once you were lulled into a false sense of security. Practically everything you owned had been stained with the stuff with the point, and you’d gotten more mouthfuls of it than you’d care to mention.

And naturally, this meant war.

It took you some time to figure out an appropriate revenge. Just stealing his paints felt over the line somehow. While you were still figuring out the ropes of clown religion, the fact that you had yet to see a clown without the stuff probably meant it was important. Marvus had only just started cleaning it off in front of you, and while he hadn’t made a big deal out of it, you’d gotten the impression that it was kind of a moment for him.

So, taking the stuff wasn’t an option. All that was left was to thwart it.

Can’t mess up a face already covered.

You waited till he’d left to run an early rehearsal, then quickly raided the vanity, tracking down brushes and setting powder and a couple of those little white brushes. You opened the tins and carefully positioned yourself in front of the mirror. Alright. Ok.

You hadn’t exactly done this before, but how hard could it be to figure out?

Fifteen minutes later you realized that optimism was a bit misplaced. You weren’t exactly aiming for perfect, but you at least didn’t want it to look like a kid had painted you up. That would give him leverage to flip the teasing back on you, which was not the point of the exerices. You kept have to undo your work. The diamonds edges were too round, or too wide. The eyebrows were uneven. It took you far too long to figure out how to even tape down your natural brows. The makeup wipes were starting to pile up and paint was getting much lower. How the hell did he do this every day, it looked practically effortless-

Footsteps in the hallway.

Panic rose in your throat as you swept the trash into a nearby can and haphazardly tried to make the vanity look like it had when he left. As they grew closer, you realized your eyebrows were still taped down, and ripping those off in a hurry was probably not the best idea. You practically dove into the bathroom, locking the door behind you.

“¿Yo, I leave my palmhusk in here?”

You feel a sudden rush of relief. Not your clown. You recognize the voice: Payasa, one of the newer acts. You open the door a crack, seeing a tall juggalette with close cropped hair and a complex design resembling a moth across the center of your face. Damn, you weren’t even managing basic geometric patterns, how the hell did she paint that on every morning? “Haven’t seen it, sorry.”

“¿damn, sorry ‘bout the intrusion?” The lanky clown starts to leave, before hesitating. “¿uhh…..you doin alright motherfucker?¿Need me to get the big man?”

“No! No….” you say quickly. “I’m fine.”

“¿alright…?”

A thought occurs to you just before she leaves. Normally it’d be uncomfortable asking, but…you wanted to get this done.“….actually you know what.” You push open the bathroom door. “Could I get some help with something?”

She turns around quickly, gaze eager. Alien or no alien, she’s new here and eager to please. “¿watcha need?”

“I need you to help me put some face paint on.” You say, gesturing pointedly to your eyebrow situation.

You feel a cold spot of dread as the clown’s cheeks go bright purple. Oh globes, is this one of those troll things you’ve just put your foot in. Did you just spit in the face of the mirthful messiahs or something.

Payasa rubs the back of her head, eyes darting towards the door. “¿er….does Marvus…know about this?”

“Its a surprise for him,” You say quickly. Hoping against hope, because otherwise its back to the drawing board or figure out how to do it yourself.

“¿I…?” The clown grimaces, nervously tugging on one of her many piercings. She seems to be at war with something inside herself. Finally, she swallows and looks back down at you. “¿sure….?”

A relieved look crosses your face. “Thank you so much, I promise I wouldn’t ask otherwise, but I’m pretty hopeless at this.

“¿heh…no p?” She said, giving you a shy half-smile. “¿did you uh….have a design in mind?”

“Oh, that’s the easy part. I just need you to copy Marvus’ design.”

Another weighty silence. The purple faded, and its hard to tell under the makeup but you think she might have just gone pale, her eyes bulging out of her head.

“….is that….is that not ok?” You say weakly.

“¿I-….it’s uh, fine!?” She managed to stammer out. The gazes towards the door returned, but after another look at your pleading face she seemed to gather her courage and slam it closed, making you jump. “¿its fine.?¿ Can do it quick, right?¿ Don’t have to be a big deal or nothin…?”

“Uh….sure?”

Payasa drags up a chair to the vanity bench and gestures for you to sit down. Despite the oddness of her behavior, you’re didn’t get this far looking gift clowns in the mouth. You sit down.

She makes quick work of it, though she still seems nervous. Her face keeps going purpler and purpler the longer she paints, and her ears flatten to the side of her skull as she worries her lip with her fangs.

“Are you sure this is ok?” You finally ask. “There’s not like, a rule against this or anything, right? I don’t want you to….I don’t know, commit heresy or something.”

“¿Nah, nah, not heresy, motherfucker.?” She says quickly, dabbing the poff in the setting powder before carefully dusting you. “¿Jus….little unusual is all.?¿But ain’t my place to judge.?”

“Why is it unusual?” True, Marvus seemed to prefer to do his own makeup, but you’d seen other juggalos do each others faces all the time, especially on the rare wipe end Marvus could drag you out to clown church. It had always seemed kind of peaceful.

“¿I uh….think I’m gonna let Marvus tell ya about that.?” She mutters, putting on the finishing touches. “¿Ain’t sinful, though, promise.?”

“Well….that’s good, I guess.” You help her put the paints away. “Thanks again. His reaction should be worth it, at least.”

She let out a sharp laugh. “¿Yeah, imagine it will…?” She got to her feet, replacing the chair and giving you a lazy, two-fingered salute. “¿Gotta bounce and get ready for my set.?¿have a nice night, little motherfucker.?”

“You too.” Man, what does it say about your life right now that ‘little mothefucker’ read as affectionate. Before you can contemplate that, Payasa leaves the room, closing the door behind her.

Marvus doesn’t come back for another twenty minutes or so. You lounge on the couch, scrolling through your messages and dicking around with a couple of games you’d downloaded for Diemen. You got so far down the rabbithole that by the time Marvus opened the door you’d almost forgotten what was on your face.

Almost.

“m-fin sound issues, swear 2 fxxkin glob…” He was muttering, twirling his staff absently in his fingers. “sorry i’m-”

He finally turns his eyes on you, and you’re treated to a rare sight.

Marvus Xoloto, speechless. Mouth still halfway open on its way to whatever he’d been planning to say. Eyes slowly tracing your face. You could practically see the question marks popping up over his head.

Its your turn to smirk, tucking your phone back into your pocket as you sit up, tossing your hair back a bit. “Lookin for your makeup rag? Bad news bitch, I’m already co-”

Marvus heads back outside, slamming the door.

….Ok. Not the reaction you were expecting.

You waited for a second. Was this a bit?

….

Ok ok not a bit not a bit-

You scrambled to your feet, following him out the door.

Instinctively you move towards the green room, but he’s not there. Just a couple of the others, lounging around and hitting each other with squirts of a substance you deeply hope is whipped cream. One of them catches sight of you and their eyes go wide. “….damN, didnT knoW yoU anD xolotO werE therE.”

“Have you seen-….what do you mean there.”

They chuckle, getting up and clapping you on the shoulder, giving you a big goofy grin. “he’S A luckY maN. prettY surE I saW hiM headiN foR thE costumeS closeT. leT A brotheR knoW iF yoU neeD A buckeT oR somethiN, aY”

Coming down to it you wish Marvus’ friends were a little less helpful sometimes. “I…think we’re good. Thanks” You brush past him on your way to the closet, hearing a couple distant “whoops” as you retreated.

The costumes closet is tucked away in a small corner. He’s not there, and for a moment you nearly considered looping back to his dressing room, before-…

Is that muffled screaming?!

Nervously you tap on the door. “Marvus…”

The sound lapses, and there’s a long pause.

“…..ye?”

“You uh, doin alright in there.”

“heh…def b. gucci.”

“You kinda rushed out.”

“…..”

“I’m coming in.”

“…..cool” he says, sounding resigned.

You open the door. Its stuffed to the brim with an array of truly unspeakable clothes. In the blinding sea of color Marvus is practically camouflaged, but you do eventually spot him. Slumping against the back wall, holding a crumpled shirt in his hand that he seems to have been screaming into. His expression is stony and tired in a way you aren’t used to seeing from him, and his eyes aren’t meeting yours.

One of the hardest things you’ve had to figure out about kismesis is when to break kayfabe. Following every barb or prank with an apology kind of defeats the purpose of a kismesis. They’re supposed to let you dangle a bit. But at the same time there are lines that can’t be crossed. You’re not supposed to genuinely hurt them, or force past boundaries they aren’t comfortable being violated.

The issue, especially in Marvus’ case, is figuring out the difference between the two.

You close the door behind you, pressing your back against the cool metal. “So…..I’m getting the impression that this,” You gesture to your face. “May have been a bit more symbolic than was my intention.”

He’s quiet for a long moment. You can see him struggling against himself, probably considering whether or not he should try to laugh it off. In the end though, he just nods.

“And I may have hurt you somehow?”

“u didnt-”He groaned, tilting his head to lean against the wall and closing his eyes tight. “who even did that 2 ya…”

“I….they’re not gonna get in trouble, right?”

He gave you a Look.

Right. Not his style. “Payasa”

“n she didn’t think to explain y that might give a clown some m-fin pusher problems?”

“She was acting kinda weird about it, but I think she assumed I knew. Or…was maybe a little too scared”

He sighed, breath coming out in a huff. “fxxkin messiahs…” Slowly, he slid down the wall to sit on the ground.

You hesitated a second, before approaching him. Carefully, you slid to sit down next to him, resting your hands on his knees. “…Can you explain it to me? Please?”

His claws traced out patterns in the shirt he was still holding, as his eyes seemed a million miles away. You found your attention drawn to the slow rise and fall in his chest, the tension in his shoulders. He seemed nervous, a weird look on a man who came alive in front of a crowd of millions of rampaging teens.

“juggz paint iz personal shizz. start workin on the lewk on yer naming day and it keeps changin while you’re changin. lotta symbolism and liturgical shizz go into it but the main thing iz its….u.” He turns over his hands, staring down at them. Faint purple lines run across the palm, a crisscross of old scars. “ur paint’s ur identity. sum mothafucker steals that, they’re stealin u. hell, even gettin some1 else to paint for ya is a big fxxkin deal. ur puttin ur whole identity in their hands and askin em to put it on ya. lotta clowns don’t even let their quadrants paint em”

Your palms go clammy. In your long proud history of fuck-ups, this one didn’t quite take the cake, but it had definitely cut out a larger slice than would be deemed socially appropriate. “I….holy shit, Marv, I’m sorry.”

“sorry?”

“I didn’t realize, this was like, taking something from you. I can take it off-”

You cut off your sentence when you realize his shoulders are shaking.

If he’s fucking crying you are gonna lose your entire mind-

And then a laugh tears out of his throat. Low and throaty and sweet and uncontrollable, the kind of laugh you heard from him maybe once in a blue moon. You’re taken aback (and more than a little flustered). You can only watch, cheeks growing progressively redder as he slowly subsides, hunching up a bit as he tries to catch his breath.

“I…what….”

“fxxkin saviors, b, sumtimes i forget, ufeelme?” He turned to look at you, grinning wide. “forget how alien u are to allathis. i ain’t mad”

“You aren’t?”

“nah lmao”

“….then what was all of this about?!” You say, shoving his shoulder. “I thought you said-”

He catches your wrist, pulling you to straddle his lap. “hey, hey, don make a m-fer bust out the shoosh paps.” He says, tone completely amused as he soothingly strokes your arms. “jus shuddup for a sec and lemme get raw, kk?”

You decidedly have more to say. But… looking at the soft expression on his face you’re having a hard time remembering what it is. In the end you nod for him to continue, settling back at bit against his legs.

He takes your hand, gently unfurling it and caressing circles in the palm with his thumb. “ur paint is u. and the people all in ya life, the 1s that count….they’re also u.” His thumb presses down solidly, shooting sparks up your arm. “told ya, the design grows like u do. pretty much expected once shizz gets serious with some1 ur gonna change things up a bit to reflect that. like chahut. the heavy paint round the sight specs a reference to that little indigo shit she goes craftin with. doesn’t always happen right away, but, when it does…” He releases your hand and moves up to cup your face. Eyes lidding a bit as he contemplates the design, traces the diamonds with his eyes. “pretty fxxkin big deal”

“I…..so, when I….” Your face goes red with the sudden implications, which makes him chuckle.

“yeah lol. kick in the bulge. not xxxactly what i was thinkin i’d see”

“So….that’s why you left?”

His lips press together a bit, and he gives a shrug at least twice as nonchalant as it should be. “…yeah. woulda been trippy even if ya were another purple but knowin u had no fxxkin clue what u did. like watchin a lil squeaker paint prophecies in stick figures. had to get out just to make sure i didn’t do smthn weird as hell”

“…..like what?”

He hums, gripping your chin and dragging you back down to press a soft kiss on your lips. Warm breath fans across your face as he smirks, exposing just a bit more of his fangs than was technically necessary. “show ya when we got more time ;o)”

You groaned. “This is illegal”

“fxxkin arrest me then bih” He patted your thigh, flicking his brows up.

You mutter something treasonous under your breath.

“n-y ways, u should clean urself up” He kissed your forehead. “camera crew$$$ gunna b up my a*s soon”

You sigh. “Right…” Bracing your hands on his shoulders, you push yourself to your feet. “Heaven forbid we appear to visibly be a couple”

“rite? gross lmao”

You shake your head and smile as you head for the door. “Right. Gross.”

“hey.”

Before you can turn around he’s wrapped his arms around you from behind, fitting you neatly to him. He leans down to bury his face in your shoulder, and despite the circumstances that lead you here, you know the only motivation is a desire for closeness. “let me do u up next time” He mumbles, voice rumbling against the skin of your neck. “not mine, but….somethin a yours. find out who u are, ya feel?”

…..You cover his hands your own, squeezing them tight and biting your lip to hide a grin. “….bold of you to assume there’ll be a next time, bozo”

“c’mon, we both kno u can’t resist the idea of my touchstumps all up in ur nugbone hehe ;o)”

“Sure that sentence would be very sexy to someone who isn’t an alien.” You turn in his grip to face him probably. “….love you.”

“aw, babe, that’s gay lol”

“I taught you what that means and you weaponize it against me? Treason.”

“i’m 1 naughty m-fer.” He kissed your forehead. “love ya 2”

“And…..hope you aren’t attached to this shirt.”

“…wha-”

Acting fast, you yank up his shirt and scrape it across your face, taking as much greasepaint off as you could before breaking free of his grip and bolting out the door. Loud, clowny curse words chase you as you tear through the halls, a smile threatening to break your face in half as you ran.

The road to vengeance is long sometimes, but it sure is sweet.

#hiveswap #hiveswap friendsim #marvus xoloto #marvus x reader #marvus fic #pale black vacillation #hs marvus #fluff

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blaperile · 5 years

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Homestuck Epilogues - Meat - Page 5

#Homestuck #The Homestuck Epilogues #Meat #reaction #Dave #Dirk #Jake

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roseymoseyberry · 7 years

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Knocked Out (8/?)

*Slinks in* Hey gang, long time no Knocked Out, oops

I was busy with finishing a commission and nearly finishing the second (don’t think i’ve forgotten you, scraplet. your commish should be finished in the next couple days! Already hit the wordcount, but it’s running a touch long oops) and then, you know. Real life.

But I’m back and these boys are still precious and falling in love so hopefully that makes up for it. Hope you’re ready for some fixing up shenanigans and then Bulkhead slipping in for a friend conversation.

(Also lmao please excuse my Blaschko’s Lines (robotisized into Blastko’s) joke. How else am I supposed to use my biology degree?)

Title: Knocked Out

Series: Transformers: Prime with the constructicons shoved right in there, and just a sprinkle of ideas pulled from tfidw

Pairing/Characters: Breakdown/Knockout, joined by Bulkhead and the Constructicons

Warnings: Robot injuries (nothing super gory), sexual jokes, language barriers, and fluff. Oh the fluff. Also slow burn I guess depending on your definition of slow haha.

Fic Summary:

And so there Breakdown found himself, with an injured barbarian in his arms who turned those dazzling crimson optics towards him, and for a split second Breakdown felt as if it was his knees that were injured because boy did they feel weak.

Barbarian AU where the citymech unwittingly does the kidnapping.

Chapter Summary:

“Alright. But how are you doing, you know, on an emotional level?”

Hook whistled as he looked Breakdown over, shining his small but far too bright light into Breakdown's socket as he moved his helm this way and that, looking from every angle that he could. His visor though was dimmer than usual, and Breakdown knew it was sheer force of will that kept the medic online. After Devastator had finally decided they had walked for enough hours, he had set Knockout and Breakdown down before slowly unraveling back into his components. And, right on cue, the constructicons started to curl up on the ground to recharge. Combining seemed to take its toll on them all.

Mixmaster had tried to explain it before, talking about spark frequencies and such, but it was ultimately Scavenger who actually made sense.

"It's like you just had the most intense spark-play session, but multiply that by five -- five? Yeah, five, cause it's you and five other sparks -- anyway. Merging with five other sparks, and it goes on for hours, and there's no breaks. It's great but slag if you don't just want to recharge for forever after that.”

So the constructicons had all settled except Hook. The medic had none-too-gently slapped his own face, muttering to himself, and then pulled out his medkit and a lamp far brighter than any fire would be.

“Bad new or good news first?”

“There’s good news?” Breakdown asked, wincing as Knockout prodded between the gaps of his arm plating. The barbarian had done his best to get some treatment done on the ride in Devastator’s arms, but it had proven pretty useless beyond checking his vitals and plastering the leaks in his optic shut. Knockout had been more or less sprawled across Breakdown, straddling his hips while checking his frame, and there wasn’t room to put any tools. That combined with the swaying of Devastator’s gait meant that Knockout had to give up doing much, so he had instead insisted that Breakdown recharge while he had the chance.

Truthfully, it was only the sheer exhaustion of his frame that allowed Breakdown to do so. There was still the lingering of fight protocols at the periphery of his processor, but combined with that was all the places that Knockout’s frame was touching his, and how serious and focused and handsome Knockout was while he did his work, mumbling distractedly to himself.

Exhaustion battled with the sheer affection overwhelming his spark, and exhaustion had won out.

It was a rude awakening to online to two doctors poking at him.

“I mean, good news is you’re online,” Hook admitted, putting his light away finally and digging through his kit. “Bad news is that your optic is indeed busted. I’ll have to find a replacement when we get to Praxis.”

“You mean make some shady back alley deals.”

“If you want to spend shanix you don’t have on some ritzy medic for the same end result, be my guest.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Breakdown mumbled, offlining his good optic as he cycled a ventilation. Considering he was already gonna lose most of his savings to Knockout’s surgery, he knew that Hook was right. And while sure, Hook was self-trained and as such had to deal with the illegal side of the parts marketplace, he had a perfectionist’s visor for the goods he was willing to trade for. It might take a while, but Hook would get nothing but the best he could for Breakdown.

Breakdown’s optic onlined instantly though as he felt the armor of his upper arm unlatch and lift away from the much more delicate inner workings. Knockout must have noticed his surprise as he tutted him while placing the plating on the ground beside him carefully.

“I fix,” Knockout reminded Breakdown as he focused in on the mechanism that should have been hidden from sight. Breakdown nodded before resolutely turning his face away. Maybe it was odd after all that had happened, but he felt a bit squeamish seeing the inside of his own arm like this.

Breakdown didn’t need to see it to know what his HUD had told him – some tubes had tears and some of his circuitry was mangled. Truthfully his armor had taken the brunt of the damage, and now that it was disconnected from his sensornet, the relief was immediate.

“Now that I have your attention again,” Hook huffed, no doubt amused by Breakdown refusing to look at his own anatomy, “let’s get to the treatment plan. For now I’m just gonna have to weld a patch over this, alright?”

“Yeah,” Breakdown agreed weakly. Even with the lines now stopped up from Knockout’s first aid, it was for the best to keep anything from getting into the chasm of his optic. “At least try to make it look cool though, would ya?”

Hook snorted, unimpressed as he dug through his kit.

“Who do you think you’re talking to? Just relax while I get the patch bent into the right shape for you and then we’ll get welding.”

Breakdown took that to mean he could dare a peak over at Knockout. The barbarian was peering intently at his inner arm bits, delicately using his claws to move wiring and tubes as needed to check them all. The armor piece had been laid across the fire, no doubt to warm it up to make smoothing out where the metal had split and ragged edges stuck out easier once Knockout got to it. For now though his mouth was a tight line as he stopped at a particular bundle of wires that, when his digit grazed it, sent a sharp pulse of pain racing up Breakdown’s arm.

“Hurt?”

“Yeah, that hur—frag! Yes, that fragging hurts!”

Knockout’s servos pulled back instantly, though he gave Breakdown an unimpressed look that rivaled Hook’s, optic ridges lifted.

“You’re such a whiner,” Hook added. Nevertheless, he held a charge dampener and shifted to look at Breakdown’s arm himself. “Just give me a second to turn it down for you.”

However, before the medic had the chance to slap the dampener onto Breakdown’s sensornet, Knockout snapped, “What is that?”

“Charge dampener. It’ll divert the electrical charge from his sensornet, so the pain receptor responses will be lessened.”

Knockout’s optics narrowed as he considered Hook, his words, and then the patch in his servo.

“He means it’ll be less painful if he puts it on,” Breakdown tried, hoping to cut off an argument at the pass. When that just got a blank look, Breakdown tried again, pointing at the patch and then his arm as he said, “Hurts less with it on.”

Knockout didn’t look convinced though. He plucked the dampener from Hook’s servo quickly, ignoring the medic’s immediate complaints – “Hey, hey! Careful with that! I’m not made of shanix you know!” – as he turned it, optics cycling as he looked at it from every angle.

“Charge dampener,” Knockout murmured to himself, sounding distrustful. “Why?”

“Hurts less,” Breakdown tried again, but Knockout shook his head and actually looked at Hook as he waved the patch in his digits.

“Not why, different word. Charge dampener , hurt less,” he repeated as he gestured towards Breakdown’s arm, “but I want – not why, but different word.”

“Who knew learning more common would just make this harder,” Bulkhead commented from his post. The fact that he had ended up getting his wish of taking over guard shift for the night was an irony that Breakdown was trying to ignore.

“No kidding,” Breakdown said with an ex-vent.

Hook, however, didn’t agree. In fact his visor brightened with understanding, even as he scowled.

“He wants to know how it works.”

Bulkhead whistled empathetically.

“Knockout,” Breakdown started, grimacing when Knockout shot him a dirty look, no doubt noting the tone that Breakdown was using. Breakdown had started the night enjoying play fighting, but he was not particularly looking forward to trying to have an actual argument about how there was no way Hook could do that. Knockout didn’t even know the word for ‘how’, so there was simply no way—

“It’s fine,” Hook grumbled, waving Breakdown off as he made to kneel closer to Knockout. “He won’t let me put it on if I don’t so let’s just get it over with.”

“You sure? I can try to--”

“If he’s worth his salt as a doctor then yeah, I’m sure.” Knockout was watching Hook warily, but the constructicon held out his palm instead of making a grab for the patch. “You want to know how the charge dampener works?”

Knockout’s optics narrowed but he nodded.

“Alright. Let’s get some basic vocab across then first. These here are wires.”

“Wires.”

“Yeah. They carry charge.”

“Carry charge?”

“Charge is the electricity that travels along it” – Hook’s digit dragged along a wire as he spoke, though luckily not one of the injured ones.

Knockout blinked and then, slowly, nodded again while his sneer softened.

“Wires carry charge, like--” he pointed to one of Breakdown’s tubes – “carry energon.”

“That’s a tube, but yeah. Like that.”

Knockout’s optics faded as he thought, putting words together, and then ever so gently placed the tip of his digit against the wire bundle he had pressed before. “Hurt wires?”

Hook actually smirked as he nodded. “Pain receptor wires, but you got the right idea. Maybe this won’t be so hard after all.”

Ultimately it took about ten minutes of Hook and Knockout going back and forth like that, with Knockout pointing out parts of Breakdown’s anatomy and Hook replying with the right words in common. Truthfully, even Breakdown was learning a lot from the impromptu lesson, and was bemused by how Knockout could string the vocabulary together in ways that Breakdown wouldn’t know how to with his limited anatomy knowledge.

And then Hook applied the patch while Knockout watched with his face practically pressed against Breakdown’s arm, intent to see exactly what was happening up close, his ex-vents tickling the sensitive inner workings.

From that point on, the rest of the repairs were done with Hook and Knockout talking to one another – and, alright, occasionally snapping at each other in lightning fast arguments. Knockout would ask for vocabulary terms while questioning everything that Hook did, and Hook didn’t hold back on his own questions as Knockout worked. Knockout questioned every piece of technology while Hook questioned every paste applied and precise massage given.

Despite being the focus of their efforts Breakdown felt ignored, but he didn’t mind so much. If anything it was nice to see the two medics work together.

“—You’re going to try to just reshape the armor like this? Just because you heated it this whole time – do you even have enough weight to pull that off? Hold on, let me help, you light-weight--”

“Don’t want help!”

“Yeah, well, shove over. Just need to push it down like this--”

“No! No, no, no, not – servo here, slow, slow--”

“Primus, this is why I don’t use such primitive – huh! Alright, yeah, that’s going—well frag me, that actually worked.”

“Yes. Just follow lines.”

“Lines? This is metal, you dipstick.”

“Yes, lines. Follow metal lines--”

“Hold on. You can tell where the Blastko’s lines are?”

And on they went until, even with their servos poking at his arm to reattach the reshaped plating, Breakdown fell into recharge with complete trust that he would be in one piece when he woke up.

With morning came the real chaos after the storm.

Breakdown looked on blearily through his one good optic as Hook berated Scavenger while working on his back. Some of the other constructicons looked to already be patched up, through it took Breakdown a moment to realize what from. While the bullets hadn’t been enough to take down Devastator, that didn’t mean the remains weren’t still lodged in the frames of his components. Next to Hook was a pile of bullets he’d pulled from his gestalt, and considering how Longhaul shifted awkwardly next to Scavenger, it was likely his turn next to be treated.

Hook had to be utterly exhausted and it showed in how roughly he yanked the bullet remains from Scavenger’s back, untouched by the sympathy the rest of the gestalt was feeling for Scavenger.

However, the gestalt didn’t stop Hook. In fact, they were all rather focused on staring off in every direction, faces stern as if just daring the planet at large to even try touching their crew again. The long walk and subsequent deep recharge apparently hadn’t been enough to rid the constructicons of their jitters from the night before.

Bulkhead, however, was sprawled across the ground, recharging so deeply that nothing that happened around him seemed to touch him.

“Breakdown?”

Breakdown tilted his helm back and rebooted his optic when he found Knockout staring down at him. His processor was still a bit slow to online fully, so it took a moment to realize that while he was on the ground, his helm was laying across Knockout’s lap. The barbarian’s digits were so, so gentle as they stroked along the ornamentation of his helm.

“‘Morning,” Breakdown said, his voice only slightly slurred from recharge, and he could feel his lips curl into what had to be a goofy-looking smile.

Knockout rolled his optics at Breakdown’s good cheer as he lifted his other servo to reveal a cube of energon. “You need drink,” he explained clinically, almost coldly. Breakdown’s expression only wavered for a moment before his huffed a chuckle.

“Are you still mad about me getting myself slagged?”

“Mad?” Oh yes, Knockout was definitely speaking coolly to him. However, that didn’t stop the barbarian’s servos from being gentle and supportive as he helped Breakdown to sit upright to drink the energon.

Breakdown fought back a hiss as his frame protested. If he was lucky the energon was from Hook’s special supply and would be laced with pain dampers.

“You know, like, uh,” Breakdown started before twisting his face into an exaggeration of Knockout’s – a deep frown with tightly knotted optic ridges.

Knockout sniffed indignantly as he just shoved Breakdown’s drink into his servos.

“Yes. I’m mad.”

The first sip tasted wrong and Breakdown felt relief already flood his processor since that meant it was Hook’s. With four huge chugs he downed the whole cube and ex-vented a grateful sigh.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Breakdown said, grinning again. The line of Knockout’s frown twitched, almost giving way to Breakdown’s bright mood.

“You not mad.”

“Nope,” Breakdown easily agreed as Knockout immediately set to work finding the fuel line in Breakdown’s neck, checking his vitals yet again. It was ridiculous how quickly Breakdown had gotten used to it as he tilted his helm to the side to make it easier.

“Why?”

“Because everyone’s online and safe,” Breakdown explained with an easy shrug. When Knockout looked unimpressed, Breakdown added, “And you’re still here.”

That gave Knockout pause. His optics rebooted as he considered Breakdown.

And then, slowly, the smallest of smiles pulled at the corner of his lips.

“Yes. Still here.”

“You doing alright?”

“I should be asking you that considering you only got what, half an hour of recharge last night?” Breakdown asked. “And a couple this morning if you were lucky.” No doubt Bulkhead would have shrugged if they weren’t in their alt-modes, but as it was, Bulkhead simply released a huffed ex-vent.

“Sure, but I got out of that mess better than everybody else. All I got was a dent to the cranium and this web gunk on me,” Bulkhead replied as he sidled closer and gently bumped Breakdown. “Besides, thanks to Devastator’s walk last night, we’ll be at Praxis bright and early tomorrow morning and I’ll have plenty of time to recharge then. Could probably make it today if we pushed it, but I think we’re all looking forward to washing this whole adventure off.”

“I cannot even begin to tell you how much I want to wash the webbing off,” Breakdown agreed.

Bulkhead’s engine hummed with agreement.

“But you’re good otherwise?”

“I’m fine, Bulk. Hook and Knockout did a good job.” Which was true. Sure, there were still fresh weld scars where the insecticon had pierced his armor and a patch over his optic, but otherwise he was fully functional.

Though both doctors had insisted Breakdown take it easy.

As such, Breakdown could only look on as Knockout dozed in Longhaul’s open-box bed. The barbarian hadn’t looked happy about getting into it, but he would not let Breakdown even try to argue that he could still ride his alt-mode. Frankly, no one in the crew was willing to even consider it. It was bad enough that Breakdown had to drive in the first place, so he was certainly not carrying Knockout on top of that.

Breakdown still missed Knockout’s warmth on his roof though.

“Alright. But how are you doing, you know, on an emotional level?” Breakdown’s engine hiccupped and stalled for a moment and Bulkhead snickered at him. “Come on, Break! You didn’t think I wouldn’t take a chance like this to check in on how things are going between you two, did you?”

“Seems to me you’re all constantly doing that,” Breakdown grumbled, keeping his voice down so it would barely be heard over his engine. He didn’t actually mind the chance to talk with Bulkhead about it, but he preferred to keep it between just the two of them.

“That’s teasing,” Bulkhead insisted. “But I haven’t heard it from your mouth for a couple of days, what with your new boyfriend hanging all over you all the time. I’m curious how bad it’s gotten since then.”

Breakdown’s first instinct was to brush it off. It flustered him to consider actually voicing all the feelings he was having out loud and admitting how right his friends were. However, it was starting to eat him alive, and tomorrow they would be in Praxis and he’d have to face it all—

“It’s really bad, Bulk.”

“Yeah?” Bulkhead sidled as close as they dare drive next to each other, pitching his voice down as well, the humor now gone. “I know you can fall pretty quick, but you’ve only known him, what, four days now?”

“Yeah,” Breakdown admitted, his chassis dipping tiredly as he ex-vented. “I know. I don’t think it’s ever hit this fast before but it has now and it’s really, really bad.”

Bulkhead’s engine puttered as he said, reassuringly, “Well, I mean, at least it seems like he’s interested in you too, right?”

Image captures of the night before, of Knockout’s arched back as he grinned up at him and his digits traced Breakdown’s lips, overwhelmed Breakdown for a moment before he could shove them back down.

“He’s interested all right,” Breakdown said, ignoring Bulkhead’s intrigued rev at that, “but I have no way of knowing if it’s like how I feel or if he’s just looking for a hookup or whatever. How the frag am I supposed to even try to have that conversation with him? And even if I could and even if we were on the same wavelength, what’s the point if he’s just gonna go back to his tribe in a couple days, you know?”

There was a beat as Breakdown just ventilated harshly with frustration and Bulkhead seemed to consider him.

“Ok Break, let’s just take this a step at a time,” Bulkhead finally said reassuringly. “You know he’s interested?”

Breakdown’s spark raced as he admitted, “Yeah. Before all the scrap happened last night, he asked me to kiss him.”

“And did ya?”

“…No.”

Bulkhead ex-vented loudly but when he spoke, it still lacked any real teasing or frustration. “Because you don’t know where this thing is going?”

“Yeah, pretty much. I tried to explain that to him, and I think something got through because he wasn’t upset about it, but who fragging knows.”

Bulkhead hummed noncommittally

“So ideally you would want to pursue something with him?”

“There’s no way that we can though, Bulk, that’s the problem--”

“But you want to.”

Breakdown’s spark swelled with affection and that quiet mantra of stay here.

“Primus do I want to.”

“Then maybe you should stop thinking so much and just go for it,” Bulkhead suggested, casual as can be, as if he wasn’t suggesting the impossible. When Breakdown’s engine guttered, Bulkhead said, “I mean it! Look we’re not the smartest bots around. We both know that. But that’s not a bad thing as far as I’m concerned. Smart bots get caught up in all the details, planning their lives out decades in advance and all that slag, and then they lose their processors when life goes a different way than they planned, y’know? Whereas we just accept that we don’t know what the frag is gonna happen and just make our best go at it.”

“But I’m pretty sure I do know what’s gonna happen.”

“Pretty sure isn’t the same as knowing! You can’t even ask Knockout how he feels yet, so what makes you so sure you know what’s going on in that helm of his, hm?”

There was no way, given the distance and the volume at which they spoke, that Knockout would have been able to hear them. And yet still the barbarian shifted in Longhaul’s bed, languidly stretching, his servos flexing.

Breakdown internally flinched as he recalled how Knockout refused to say if he wanted Breakdown in return. Not yet, whatever that meant.

“I mean, I guess I don’t know what he thinks.”

“Exactly. So instead of holding yourself back because of maybes, you should listen to your ol’ pal Bulkhead and communicate the one way you do have. Show Knockout how you feel!”

For a moment it looked as if Knockout was just resettling, still half in recharge and ready to slip back in once he rolled over onto his front.

“To what end? He’s not gonna stay--”

“You don’t know that.”

However, as he settled, Knockout’s optics flickered on. It was hard to tell from the distance but Breakdown would have sworn the barbarian was looking at him. Breakdown’s spark gave another longing pulse.

“It won’t have even been a full week by the time he’s healed up! He’s not gonna stay with a mech like me that he’s only known for a few days--”

“You don’t know that,” Bulkhead insisted. “Maybe he’ll want to give this relationship a trial run, you know? He’s probably never been to a city so maybe he’ll like it and decide to stick around and give dating you a whirl while he’s at it.”

Knockout moved his arms to rest his chin on them and one servo lifted just a bit, claws wiggling in a little wave, and it was most certainly for Breakdown. There was no way for Breakdown to stop his engine from revving a hair louder.

Next to him, Bulkhead chuckled.

“I mean, frag, when he does scrap like that? I wouldn’t be surprised if Knockout tries to drag you back with him to his tribe to be his barbarian mate.”

Breakdown’s frame burned with embarrassment and, Primus strike him where he drove, a little dose of flattery. “It doesn’t take a genius to look at me and figure out I wouldn’t last a day living out here,” he joked, even as he flicked his lights off and on, just enough to let Knockout know he saw him.

Knockout’s helm tipped to one side and his lips curled into a lazy smile. His optics dimmed but didn’t offline right away, just continuing to watch from his perch.

Bulkhead huffed softly and gently bumped his fender against Breakdown’s.

“All I’m saying is that even with your busted optic, you have to be able to see that you’re not the only one who has it bad.”

For the first time in days, Breakdown could feel his processor ease and his spark release the tension it had held.

“Thanks, Bulk. I’ll think about it.”

“Just don’t take too long. Now go on,” Bulkhead said, slowing quickly until he could slip behind Breakdown and accelerated to try to push him ahead faster. “Don’t keep your little barbarian waiting! He looks eager to butcher common in an attempt to communicate with you!”

Breakdown couldn’t help a chuckle of his own as he let his engine stall just long enough that Bulkhead’s tires spun with the effort of trying to push his mass. Then, with a hum, Breakdown picked up the pace so that he could drive just behind Longhaul.

“So, finally not mad at me anymore?”

Knockout’s optics brightened and his smile widened and it was worth the collective snickering of the constructicons.

#fanfiction #tfp #kobd #maccadam #next chapter will be the beach episode #and then we'll be sliding into the endgame #also it's hard to write a scene when the people talking are cars #how do i have a car express emotion????

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