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justmenoworries · 3 years

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Not Up For Interpretation - An Essay On Nonbinary - Erasure

(Trigger Warning: Misgendering, Transphobia, Nonbinary-phobia)

If you’ve been following me for a while, you probably know this was a long time coming. I’ve made several posts about my frustrations concerning this topic and how much it hurt me just how socially accepted erasing an entire identity still is. While representation marches on and things have become better for nonbinary people as a whole, we still battle with a lot of prejudice - both intentional and unintentional.

In this essay, I want to discuss just how our identities are being erased almost daily, why that is harmful and hurtful and what we all can do to change that.

Chapters:

What does Non-binary mean?

Nonbinary- representation in media

So what’s the problem?

How do we fix it?

1. What Does Non-binary Mean?

Non-binary is actually an umbrella term. It includes pretty much every gender-identity that’s neither one or the other so to speak, for example, agender.

Agender means feeling detachment from the gender spectrum in general. If you’re agender, you most likely feel a distance to the concept of gender as a whole, that it doesn’t define you as a person.

There are many identities that classify under non-binary: There’s gender-fluid (you feel you have a gender, but it’s not one gender specifically and can change), demi-gender (identifying as a gender partially, but not completely) and many others.

Sometimes, multiple non-binary identities can mix and match.

Most non-binary people use they/them pronouns, but like with so many things, it varies.

Some nonbinary-people (like me) go by two pairs of pronouns. I go by both she/her and they/them, because it’s what feels most comfortable at the moment. But who knows, maybe in the future I’ll switch to they/them exclusively or expand to he/him.

There is no one defining non-binary experience. Nb-people are just as varied and different as binary people, who go by one specific gender.

There are non-binary people who choose to go solely by she/her or he/him and that’s okay too. It doesn’t make them any more or less non-binary and their identity is still valid.

If your head’s buzzing a bit by now: That’s okay. It’s a complicated topic and no one expects you to understand all of it in one chapter of one essay.

Just know this: If a person identifies as non-binary, you should respect their decision and use the pronouns they go with.

It’s extremely hurtful to refer to someone who already told you that they use they/them pronouns with she/her or he/him, or use they/them to refer to a person who uses she/her.

Think about it like using a trans-person’s deadname: It’s rude, it’s harmful and it shows complete disrespect for the person.

Non-binary people have existed for a very long time. The concept isn’t new. The idea that there are only two genders, with every other identity being an aberration to the norm, is largely a western idea, spread through colonialism.

The Native American people use “Two-Spirit” to describe someone who identifies neither as a man nor a woman. The term itself is relatively new, but the concept of a third gender is deeply rooted in many Native American cultures.

(Author’s Note: If you are not Native American, please do not use it. That’s cultural appropriation.)

In India, the existence of a third gender has always been acknowledged and there are many terms specifically for people who don’t identify with the gender that was assigned to them at birth.

If you’re interested in learning more about non-binary history and non-binary identities around the world, I’d recommend visiting these websites:

https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/History_of_nonbinary_gender

https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Gender-variant_identities_worldwide

https://thetempest.co/2020/02/01/history/the-history-of-nonbinary-genders-is-longer-than-you-think/

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/gender-variance-around-the-world

Also, maybe consider giving this book a try:

Nonbinary Gender Identities: History, Culture, Resources by Charlie Mcnabb

2. Non-binary Representation In Media

The representation of non-binary people in mainstream media hasn’t been... great, to put it mildly.

Representation, as we all know, is important.

Not only does it give minorities a chance to see themselves in media and feel heard and acknowledged. It also normalizes them.

For example, seeing a black Disney-princess was a huge deal for many black little girls, because they could finally say there was someone there who looked like them. They could see that being white wasn’t a necessity to be a Disney princess.

Seeing a canonically LGBT+ character in a children’s show teaches kids that love is love, no matter what gender you’re attracted to. At the same time, older LGBT+ viewers will see themselves validated and heard in a movie that features on-screen LGBT+ heroes.

There’s been some huge steps in the right direction in the last few years representation-wise.

Not only do we have more LGBT+ protagonists and characters in general, we’ve also begun to question and call out harmful or bigoted portrayals of the community in media, such as “Bury Your Gays” or the “Depraved Homosexual”.

With that being said: Let’s take a look at how Non-binary representation holds up in comparison, shall we?

This is Double Trouble, from the children’s show “She-Ra And The Princesses Of Power”.

They identify as non-binary and use they/them pronouns. They’re also a slimy, duplicitous lizard-person who can change their shape at will.

Um, yeah.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Did I mention they’re also the only non-binary character in the entire show? And that they’re working with a genocidal dictator in most of the episodes they’re in?

Yikes.

Let’s look at another example.

These three (in order of appearance) are Stevonnie, Smoky Quartz and Shep. Three characters appearing in the kid’s show “Steven Universe” and it’s epilogue series “Steven Universe: Future”.

All of them identify as non-binary and use they/them as pronouns.

Stevonnie and Smoky Quartz are the result of a boy and a girl being fused together through weird alien magic.

Shep is a regular human, but they only appeared in one episode. In an epilogue series that only hardcore fans actually watched.

Well, I mean...

One out of three isn’t that bad, right?

Maybe we should pick an example from a series for older viewers.

Say hello to Doppelganger, a non-binary superhuman who goes by they/them, from the Amazon-series “The Boys”.

They’re working for a corrupt superhero-agency and use their power of shape-shifting to trick people who pose a threat to said agency into having sex with them. And then blackmail those people with footage of said sex.

....

Do I even need to say it?

If you’ve paid attention during the listing of these examples, you might have noticed a theme.

Namely that characters canonically identifying as non-binary are either

supernatural in some way, shape or form,

barely have a presence in the piece of media they’re in,

both.

Blink-and-you-miss-it-manner of representation aside, the majority of these characters fall squarely under what we call “Othering”.

“Othering” describes the practice of portraying minorities as supernatural creatures or otherwise inhuman. Or to say it bluntly: As “The Other”.

“Othering” is a pretty heinous method. Not only does it portray minorities as inherently abnormal and “different in a bad way”. It also goes directly against what representation is actually for: Normalizing.

As a general rule of thumb: If your piece of media has humans in it, but the only representation of non-white, non-straight people are explicitly inhuman... yeah, that’s bad.

So is there absolutely no positive representation for us out there?

Not quite.

As rare as human non-binary characters in media are to find, they do exist.

Here we have Bloodhound! A non-binary human hunter who uses they/them pronouns, from the game “Apex Legends”.

It’s been confirmed by the devs and the voice actress that they’re non-binary.

Nice!

These are Frisk (bottom) and Chara (top) from the game “Undertale”. While their exact gender identity hasn’t been disclosed, they both canonically use they/them pronouns, so it’s somewhere on the non-binary spectrum.

Two human children who act as the protagonist (Frisk) and antagonist (Chara), depending on how you play the game. (Interpretations vary on the antagonist/protagonist-thing, to say the least.)

Cool!

......

And, yep, that’s it.

As my little demonstration here showed, non-binary representation in media is rare. Good non-binary representation is even rarer.

Which is why those small examples of genuinely good representation are so important to the Non-binary community!

It’s hard enough to have to prove you exist. It’s even harder to prove your existence is not abnormal or unnatural.

If you’d like to further educate yourself on representation, it’s impact on society and why it matters, perhaps take a second to read through these articles:

https://www.criticalhit.net/opinion/representation-media-matters/

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/arts/why-on-screen-representation-matters-according-to-these-teens

https://jperkel.github.io/sciwridiversity2020/

https://www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2019/05/22/why-is-equal-representation-in-media-important/?sh=25f2ccc92a84

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/why-representation-the-media-matters

3. So What’s The Problem?

The problem, as is the case with so many things in the world, is prejudice.

Actually, that’s not true.

There’s not a problem, there are multiple problems. And their names are prejudice, ignorance and bigotry.

Remember how I said human non-binary representation is rare?

Yeah, very often media-fans don’t help.

Let’s take for example, the aforementioned Frisk and Chara from “Undertale”.

Despite the game explicitly using they/them to refer to both characters multiple times, the majority of players somehow got it into their heads that Frisk’s and Chara’s gender was “up for interpretation”.

There is a huge amount of fan art straight-up misgendering both characters and portraying them as binary and using only he/him or she/her pronouns.

The most egregious examples are two massively popular fan-animated web shows: “Glitchtale”, by Camila Cuevas and “Underverse” by Jael Peñaloza.

Both series are very beloved by the Undertale-fanbase and even outside of it. Meaning for many people, those two shows might be their first introduction to “Undertale” and it’s two non-binary human characters.

Take a wild guess what both Camila and Jael did with Frisk and Chara.

Underverse, X-Tale IV:

(Transcript: “Frisk lied to me in the worst possible way... I... I will never forgive him.”)

Underverse, X-Tale V:

(Transcript: “I-It’s Chara... and it’s a BOY.”)

Glitchtale, My Promise:

(Transcript: (Referring to Frisk) “I’m not scared of an angry boy anymore.”)

Glitchtale, Game Over Part 1:

(Transcript: (Referring to Chara) “It’s ok little boy.”)

This... this isn’t okay.

Not only do both of these pieces of fan-art misgender two non-binary characters, the creators knew beforehand that Frisk and Chara use they/them-pronouns, but made the conscious choice to ignore that.

To be fair, in a video discussing “Underverse”, Jael said that only X-Tale Frisk and Chara, the characters you see in the Underverse-examples above, are male, while the characters Frisk and Chara from the main game remained non-binary and used they/them (time-stamp 10:34).

Still, that doesn’t erase the fact that Jael made up alternate versions of two non-binary characters specifically to turn them male. Or that, while addressing the issue, Jael was incredibly dismissive and even mocked the people who felt hurt by her turning two non-binary characters male. Jael also went on to make a fairly non-binary-phobic joke in the video, in which she equated gender identities beyond male and female to identifying as an object.

Jael (translated): “I don’t care if people say the original Frisk and Chara are male, female, helicopters, chairs, dogs or cats, buildings, clouds...”

That’s actually a very common joke among transphobes, if not to say the transphobe-joke:

“Oh, you identify as X? Well then I identify as an attack helicopter!”

If you’re trans, chances are you’ve heard this one, or a variation of it, a million times before.

I certainly have.

I didn’t laugh then and I’m not laughing now.

(Author’s note: I might be angry at both of them for what they did, but I do not, under any circumstances, support the harassment of creators. If you’re thinking about sending either Jael or Camila hate-mail - don’t. It won’t help.)

Jael’s reaction is sadly common in the Undertale fandom. Anyone speaking up against Chara’s and Frisk’s identity being erased is immediately bludgeoned with the “up for interpretation”-argument, despite that not once being the case in the game.

And even with people who do it right and portray Frisk and Chara as they/them, you’ll have dozens of commenters swarming the work with sentences among the lines of “Oh but I think Frisk is a boy/girl! And Chara is a girl/boy!”

By the way, this kind of thing only happens to Frisk and Chara.

Every other character in “Undertale” is referred to and portrayed with their proper pronouns of she/her or he/him.

But not the characters who go by they/them.

Their gender is “up for interpretation”.

Because obviously, their identity couldn’t possibly be canonically non-binary.

Sadly, Frisk and Chara are not alone in this.

Remember Bloodhound?

And how I said they’d been confirmed as non-binary and using they/them pronouns by both the creators and the voice actress?

It seems for many players, that too translated to “up for interpretation”.

(Transcript: “does it matter what they call him? He, her, it, they toaster oven, it doesn’t matter”)

(Transcript: “I’m like 90 % sure Bloodhound is a dude because he could just sound like a girl and by their age that I’m assuming looks around 10-12 because I’ve known many males who have sounded like a female when they were younger”)

(Transcript: “I don’t care it will always be a He. F*ck that non-binary bullsh*t.”)

(Transcript: “Bloodhound is clearly female.”)

(Transcript: “I’m not calling a video game character they/them”)

(Transcript: “exactly. The face was never fully shown neither was the gender so I’d say it means that the player is Bloodhound. So it’s your gender and you refer to “him” as yourself. It’s like a self insertion in my eyes.”)

So, let me get this straight:

If a character, even a player character, uses she/her or he/him, you can accept it, no questions asked.

But when a character uses they/them, suddenly their identity and gender are “up for interpretation”?

This attitude is also widely prevalent in real life.

Many languages only include pronouns for men and women, with no third option available. Non-binary people are often forced to make up their own terms, because their language doesn’t provide one.

Non-binary people often don’t fit within other people’s ideas of gender, so they get excluded altogether. Worse, non-binary people are often the victims of misgendering, denial of their identity or even straight-up violence when coming out.

People will often tell us that we look like a certain gender, so we should only use one set of gendered pronouns. Never mind that that’s not what we want. Never mind that that’s not who we are.

Non-binary people are also largely omitted from legal documentation and studies. We cannot identify as non-binary at our workplace, because using they/them pronouns is considered “unprofessional”. We don’t have our own bathrooms like men and women do. Our gender is seen as less valid than male and female, so even that basic thing is denied to us. I’ve had to use the women’s restroom my entire life, because if I go into a male restroom, I’ll be yelled at or made fun off or simply get told I took the wrong door. It’s extremely uncomfortable for me and I wish I didn’t have to do it.

And since non-binary people aren’t seen as “real transgender-people”, we often don’t receive the medical care we need. This often renders us unable to feel good within our bodies, because the treatment and help we get is wildly inadequate.

It’s especially horrible for intersex people (people who are born with sex characteristics that don’t fit solely into the male/female category) who are often forced to change their bodies to fit within the male/female gender binary.

And you better believe each of those problems is increased ten-fold for non-binary people of color.

We are ignored and dismissed as “confused”, because of who we are.

Representation is a way for Non-binary people to show the world they exist, that they’re here and that they too have stories to tell.

But how can we, when every character that represents us is either othered, barely there or gets taken away from us?

We are not “up for interpretation”.

Neither are the characters in media who share our identity.

And it’s time to stop pretending we ever were.

For more information about Non-Binary Erasure and how harmful it is, you can check out these articles:

https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/08/common-non-binary-erasure/

https://www.dailydot.com/irl/nonbinary-people-racism/

https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Nonbinary_erasure

https://traj.openlibhums.org/articles/10.16995/traj.422/

https://medium.com/an-injustice/everyday-acts-of-non-binary-erasure-49ee970654fb

https://medium.com/national-center-for-institutional-diversity/the-invisible-labor-of-liberating-non-binary-identities-in-higher-education-3f75315870ec

https://musingsofanacademicasexual.wordpress.com/2015/05/11/dear-sirmadam-a-commentary-on-non-binary-erasure/

4. How Do We Fix It?

Well, first things first: Stop acting like we don’t exist.

And kindly stop other people from doing it too.

We are a part of the LGBT+ community and we deserve to be acknowledged, no matter what our pronouns are.

Address non-binary people with the right pronouns. Don’t argue with them about their identity, don’t comment on how much you think they look like a boy or a girl. Just accept them and be respectful.

If a non-binary person tells you they have two sets of pronouns, for example he/him and they/them, don’t just use one set of pronouns. That can come off as disingenuous. Alternate between the pronouns, don’t leave one or the other out. It’ll probably be hard at first, but if you keep it up, you’ll get used to it pretty quickly.

If you’re witnessing someone harass a non-binary person over their identity, step in and help them.

And please, don’t partake in non-binary erasure in media fandoms.

Don’t misgender non-binary characters, don’t “speculate” on what you think their gender might be. You already know their gender and it’s non-binary. It costs exactly 0 $ to be a decent human being and accept that.

Support Non-Binary people by educating yourself about them and helping to normalize and integrate their identity.

In fact, here’s a list of petitions, organizations and articles who will help you do just that:

https://www.change.org/p/collegeboard-let-students-use-their-preferred-name-on-collegeboard-9abad81a-0fdf-435c-8fca-fe24a5df6cc7?source_location=topic_page

6 Ways to Support Your Non-Binary Child

7 Non-Negotiables for Supporting Trans & Non-Binary Students in Your Classroom

If Your Partner Just Came Out As Non-Binary, Here’s How To Support Them

How to Support Your Non-Binary Employees, Colleagues and Friends

Ko-fi page for the Nonbinary Wiki

The Sylvia Rivera Project, an organization who aims to give low-income and non-white transgender, intersex and non-binary people a voice

The Anti Violence Project “empowers lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and HIV-affected communities and allies to end all forms of violence through organizing and education, and supports survivors through counseling and advocacy."

The Trans Lifeline, a hotline for transgender people by transgender people

Tl:DR: Non-Binary representation is important. Non-Binary people still suffer from society at large not acknowledging our existence and forcing us to conform. Don’t be part of that problem by taking away what little representation we have. Educate yourself and do better instead. We deserve to be seen and heard.

#non-binary #agender #demigender #gender identity #essay #erasure #lgbt representation #misgendering #undertale #she ra spop #apex bloodhound #doppelganger #steven universe

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raavenb2619 · 3 years

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so I'm slowly getting more comfortable with identifying as nonbinary, and I've changed my name and pronouns online/with my friends. (I know changing those things aren't a requirement of being nb but using them makes me much happier. gender euphoria or just being happy that people are listening to me and accepting me? idk. anyways.)

but I'm still finding it really difficult to actually determine what my gender is. i like very specific labels and I feel like if I have one, I'll be less scared of realising I was wrong and I'm just a cis girl who's fairly disconnected from femininity. I'm scared of what my friends will think if I "go back" to my old identity. but it all just feels very nebulous and I'm just like,,,,,,,"girl? but maybe not? both?? aaaa"

(also this is kind of a change of topic but i guess it kind of connects to the feeling of being afraid to go back.) I want to buy a binder but I'm worried that I won't like wearing it and I'll have wasted my money. should I just get one?

I can definitely relate. When I was figuring out my gender, I wanted to find specific labels that described exactly how I felt. I did eventually find some (agenderflux demigirl), and I’m glad that I have them, but I wouldn’t have predicted how exactly I’d end up using them. See, specific labels are great for finding other people who can relate to your niche experiences, but they can often require a lot of explaining on your part when you’re coming out to people or introducing yourself to people. I’m not trying to say that you shouldn’t look for specific labels (after all, they were empowering for me and very well could be for you), but just keep in mind that you might also end up using umbrella terms like nonbinary, trans, genderqueer, etc.

I can’t tell you what specific label or labels to use, because that’s your decision, but I might be able to steer you in the right direction. Have you heard of demigender/demigirl? I use it to describe my complex relationship to femininity. I’m...sort of adjacent to being a girl, not exactly a girl, but also not exactly not a girl? (Things are even more complicated for me because the intensity of my gender changes, so sometimes I’m agender. If that matches with your experiences, you might find the term genderflux helpful.) As another resource, you might find a huge list like this helpful, but it can also be a little overwhelming by how many terms there are, so don’t spend too long on any term at first, and just see if it kind of “resonates” with you.

Getting a binder is a fairly personal decision. If you’re not comfortable buying a binder, one option is to try wearing looser/baggier clothing to see if you like how that looks. I’m not a medical professional, so I’m not particularly qualified to give medical advice about binding, but there are things you can do to minimize the risks of binding; for example, one of the posts in my #binding tag says that it’s okay to bind with a sports bra that’s one size too small as long as you remember to take regular breaks, but that you should avoid anything smaller than that.

If you do decide to bind, I recommend you read what different sources (this is a good place to start) have to say about safe binding practices. Binding safety is really important because the risk and harm that comes from unsafe binding can be long-term effects and take a while to appear, so it’s not always immediately obvious that what you might be doing is unsafe. However, your own mental health and wellness is important too, so you may reasonably decide that the benefits outweigh the risks of (safely) binding.

Hope that helps, as always feel free to ask for clarification/any follow up questions.

#re: the first paragraph; it could be euphoria or acceptance or both #and you don't have to figure out what it is exactly if you don't want to #you can just be happy without analyzing why exactly you're happy #ask #anon #original #questioning #questioning gender #questioning nonbinary #questioning enby #questioning transgender #questioning trans #questioning demigirl #questioning demigender #Anonymous

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newhologram · 3 years

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Now that I'm once again committing to being openly #trans, stepping out of the rain and under the umbrella that used to keep me dry, I wrote something up for family, friends, and followers who may have questions:

Dear family, friends, and Holograms: Thank you for your kind messages. Even though most of you already knew this about me for so long, it feels so good to be more public, to be a voice just by being me, and to have your support. It's amazing to me to see that many of you have stepped into the role of an ally and are willing to learn more.

I'm writing this up to maybe offer some clarifications on things relating to trans identity in general but mostly my personal experience with gender. It's my hope that this will give you a template to work from. I don't want anyone to be so worried about offending me that they don't know how to talk to/about me. I want this to be comfortable for all of us. This is only my experience of gender at this time, so please remember that if you meet another trans/nb person, they will likely have a completely different experience than me.

Let's start with queer, which is an umbrella term for anyone who is not cisgender and/or heterosexual. It can be a useful label for someone who is not interested in having to spell out both their sexual/romantic orientation and their gender identity every time (it can get complicated even for us). Some of us might not fit neatly into the letters of LGBTQIA (notice it contains Q still) so this is the reason some people are comfortable with the label. Sometimes we do fit into the acronym, but queer is inclusive and we like it. It's also what's often used in academia. Queer history, queer literature, queer art, etc. Freddie Mercury is often referred to as a queer icon for example. Now, it can be a regional thing, as in some parts of America, queer is not considered a reclaimed slur (since it means "weird") like it is for say, a lot of Californians. While some of us feel empowered to own being "different" or "weird" while fighting for representation and rights, others may object to being called "not normal". Ultimately it's always up to the individual to decide what they are comfortable calling themselves, not what other people should be allowed to call themselves. I was always the weird kid and I have so much trauma around that and as an adult I'm like... yeah, you know what, I'm queer and proud. Now onto gender which is the focus of this post: transgender is an umbrella term. Trans as a prefix means "across" or "beyond", so transgender people have experiences and identities across or beyond gender. Non-binary is a gender identity under the trans umbrella. It refers to identities that are not strictly within the binary of man or woman. Non-binary itself is another umbrella term for many different genders such as agender (without gender), pangender (all genders), genderfluid (gender that shifts and changes), and many more. Gender is complex and varied across cultures and societies, so that's why there are so many different ways to describe it. Some may feel that not just one word works for their experience, so they may choose multiple labels or maybe even none at all. AFAB (assigned female at birth) and AMAB (assigned male at birth) is a way to describe what our assigned sex is without using "biological" or "born a (sex/gender)" as this is often used to invalidate trans experience --however, a lot of trans people who have transitioned may find it helpful to describe their experience as "born (and raised as) a girl" (again, up to the individual). We are all assigned sexes at birth but this obviously has no bearing on our gender identity or expression.

When I was a teen, "transsexual" was commonly used to describe a transgender person who transitioned, but this has fallen mostly out of use by now--But remember that being trans is not just about medically transitioning to another sex. There are many trans/nb people who do not transition, or who may make changes here and there to make their bodies more comfortable and fit their identity without necessarily transitioning. Whether or not this is a transition is going to be up to the individual. The social transition of coming out as trans/nb can be just as drastic as anything medical. (For those wondering why it even matters when celebrities come out as trans/nb if they aren't going to "change their bodies"--Visibility and authenticity. Just like I'm doing.)

Now on to me: I cannot accurately or concisely describe my lived experience of gender since it's informed every other experience of my life, but I will try. I'm NB and I definitely don't feel like a woman, but this doesn't necessarily mean I feel like a man either. "Boy" and "girl" do feel more relatable and accessible for some reason. I feel simultaneously and alternatingly like either, both, neither, all, any, and also just me.

Like I said, I can't really describe it. But for whatever reason, "boy", especially "feminine boy" has always felt more like my default energy. Don't ask me why, it is what it is. When I put on makeup, I never feel like a girl doing it even if I'm consciously exploring an archetype like "flapper girl" for example. It has always felt like princess drag to me. People were clocking me on this even when I tried to be a normal "girl". I often wonder if this is why I always felt so ugly before and now when I fully embody my gender as it is, I suddenly feel beautiful and comfortable. I feel closest to feminine or fluid archetypes, it's just how I express myself. This would not change if I were AMAB, I'd be just as feminine. I'd still be the same me.

Pronouns, for me: I can't say that my feelings on this will stay the same forever, but for now, I'm okay with any and all pronouns. I have some longtime followers who refer to me as he/him and that's amazing and so affirming!! *chef's kiss* But it's totally okay to use she/her with me too. Because I am aligned with feminine archetypes, I can't resist using she/her for myself often especially if I'm all dressed up in kawaii drag. They/them is also acceptable. This also goes for it being okay to refer to me as either a girl or a boy (or gendered family relation terms. But like, I'm Mommy to my cats, not Daddy xD)--Even though I'm not strictly one or the other, I feel all genders. While I agree with the common AFAB feeling of it being frustrating that she/her/girl/woman is always going to be considered my default by most people, and that this is/was a source of a lot of my gender dysphoria, I promise you won't offend me by referring to me as such. Often when speaking out my experience of being perceived as a woman, I might refer to myself as such because I'm talking about the way I am interacted with. (ie, it's okay to DM me like "HEY GIRL:･ﾟ✧ but the only way you’ll actually offend me is to insist I am “just a girl”/invalidate my lived experience/try to dictate my identity and labels)

It's still hard for me to share this very vulnerable part of my identity, even after having talked about it for 10 years online and with friends already. I'm probably going to keep having waves of anxiety over this as I shift into living daily life from the truest expression of myself. It really is enough for now to have you recognizing and acknowledging this very special big part of who I am and how I live. To be able to say it now everywhere and not just on my blog feels like a new universe being born. In closing, here are examples if that was too much information to ingest and understand all at once and you're not sure what words to use when referring to me: "This is my [family member], she's queer." "This is my friend New's page, he's non-binary." "This is my coworker's art, she's genderfluid." "This is a blogger I follow, they're pangender." "New is a trans model, this is his latest work." These labels and pronouns are all fine! :> I love you all. Thank you for letting me shine.

#teku #personal #gendery wendery #long post #this is written mostly for my family members who want to be allies #just thought it would help them a lot #and save me time explaining to everyone xD

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spontaneousmusicalnumber · 4 years

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SO YOU WANT TO TEACH PEOPLE ABOUT GENDER AND SEXUALITY.

Throughout my college career, I volunteered in a campus organization whose goal was to provide an opportunity for people to learn about gender and sexuality through facilitated Q&A panels. I loved it, and wish that there was more of an opportunity to create those experiences in the world at large. I’ve gotten some requests to share my experience, so here’s a write-up for the key points if you want to try and run one yourself.

These panels should be controlled, planned events for a cohesive group. I have done panels for classrooms, clubs, Greek organizations, and even a university staff department. They have a structure, a beginning and an end. You will be revealing a lot of personal information, so being comfortable in that role is a must. The state I live in has legal protections for gender identity and sexuality in work, education and housing so I never felt threatened opening up. You are under no obligation to do a panel if you do not feel safe.

Facilitating a Panel:

There is always a facilitator, and anywhere from 2-5 panelists depending on the size of the audience. The facilitator’s job is to organize and manage the event. They are the point of contact for the organization that requests a panel, they maintain control of the situation and ensure both the panelists and the audience feel safe and comfortable. They also make sure the pace keeps moving and can cut off a conversation if it gets too long or repetitive and not enough questions are being answered.

Ground Rules:

At the beginning of the panel, the facilitator lays down several ground rules. Both audience members and panelists are expected to abide by these rules at all times for safety and civility.

Rule 1: No Outing.

Ask if anyone in the audience knows what outing is, and if not introduce them to the concept of sharing parts of someone’s identity without their permission. Explain that this is a big taboo in the community, both for respect of privacy and for personal safety. Tell the audience that they are free to take away the stories and the general ideas expressed, but the names and identities behind them will stay in this room. This applies to audience members’ identities as well; they can be assured that the panelists will not share them.

Rule 2: Give Respect to Get Respect.

This one seems simple but is important to note. Aggressive or confrontational behavior does not lead to comfortable conversation or open minds. Let the audience know that the panelists are people too, and can choose whether or not they are comfortable answering a question. Just as the panelists are expected to maintain civility, so is the audience.

Rule 3: Assume Goodwill.

Trust that you the panelists are here to teach, and they the audience is here to learn. Ask the audience to use the most respectful language they can and assure the audience that the panelists will not attack or demean them for it. It is alright if someone does not know what words are respectful or offensive, trust that they’re trying and are open to being corrected.

Guidelines for Panelists

Start with your story. This is usually ~3 minutes long, and serves as an introduction to you. It can encompass a coming out, a realization, a meaningful moment, any combination of the above. My story talks about the rocky path to realizing and accepting I was asexual. At the very least, introduce yourself and give your pronouns. A good story will ‘drop breadcrumbs’ or introduce ideas for the audience to ask about.

After all panelists have told their story, the facilitator will open up the room for questions. These can be related to panelist’s stories, questions they had previously, or questions about current events. If audience members are unwilling to raise their hands you can try providing paper and pencils for anonymous questions. Cracking a joke about the 30 seconds of dead silence usually helps to break the ice, and once one hand is raised then usually the ball gets rolling. This is now your time to shine.

Speak from your own experience. If there is a panelist who has an identity you do not, they are the expert and it’s not your place to talk over them. You are the expert on yourself as well, so don’t let yourself get talked over. It is OK to not know an answer, just speak honestly. You can speak from research you have done or general experiences from people you know, but be sure to clarify that this is something you have learned from somebody else and remember to respect “No Outing”.

This is not the time or place to gatekeep. If you are an ace/aro/bi/pan/trans/NB exclusionist, I urge you to either keep your mouth shut when the topic shifts towards those identities or reconsider your place on the panel. Your job is to allow people to take an open, accepting stance towards non-straight and non-cis identities, not spread close-minded rhetoric. If you share an identity in a way that is different from another, say you are a dysphoric trans person for whom dysphoria is a large factor in your identity, you may speak from your own experience that way. However, you should not express that people who do not share your identity are not valid in theirs.

Be on your best behavior, no matter the question. This part can get hard, but it’s where “Assume Goodwill” comes in. Easily 99% of people in this situation will be respectful and just want to learn. They may not know what language is correct, or may only know offensive words for a certain idea. Correct these before you answer their question and explain why those words are harmful, but don’t shame them for not knowing the right language. You can ask clarifying questions if you don’t know what they’re getting at (or if you want them to realize what they’re getting at).

There will, rarely, be people who come with the intention of inciting anger or throwing insults or worse. At this point, they are not coming in to learn, so your goal is to make an impact on the other audience members. Respond to questions of religious intolerance with statements that that is not a belief you share. Request that they follow the ground rules, remind them of “give respect to get respect”. The facilitator of the panel or the organizer of the audience (if a classroom, the teacher) should intervene to ask them to leave if they cannot abide by the ground rules.

You can choose not to answer a question and can choose whether or not to give a reason why. “That’s too personal” is plenty. As an asexual on the panel I got more than enough questions about my sex life, whether I wanted kids or wanted to get married. These were questions I did not answer, instead offering a larger view of the community. I would explain how asexual people all had their own comfort zones and defined their sexuality differently, and while some decided they would like to be alone others can and do engage in all types of partnerships.

Unpack, unpack, unpack! Talk about the question that audiences are really asking when they ask who the man or the woman in a relationship is. Bring up heteronormative standards! Bring up sexist expectations of relationship dynamics! Bring up restrictive notions of gender! Bring up privacy concerns! A very simple question can reveal a lot about how someone’s personal biases shape their view of gender and sexuality so do your best to break it down in a way they can understand.

Try to define any words you are using. Audience members often won’t know what ‘cisgender’ means, or the difference between sexual and romantic orientation, or what dysphoria is. Try to keep them in the loop and be ready to provide definitions if the need arises. Again, defer to those who hold the identities in question before you answer and don’t be afraid to admit you don’t know something.

Closing the Panel

Refer the audience to resources to continue their education. Offer both in-person places like a campus LGBT services center and trustworthy online resources like AVEN for asexuality. Establish a point of contact between the facilitator and the audience if they feel comfortable doing so- can the audience email anyone with further questions?

After the audience files out, gather with the other panelists and facilitator for a recap. Talk about what you think went well, what you think could have gone better, if you felt comfortable or not, if you felt talked over or if you felt like you talked too much, and how you think you could improve in the future. This is best for a team that may meet again, but even for a one-off event I feel it’s important.

That’s the start of it.

IRL, a panelist undergoes a 2-day training and practice panel before they are considered a panelist. This post is 1500 words already, so I’ll leave it there, but let me know if there’s something I can explain better or if you want more resources or examples!

#my posts #long post

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nbapprentice · 6 years

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there’s so, so, SO much nonsense surrounding this game that i’m gonna do my best to separate it into digestible bits, with its own categories. even then this is... wow. it’s big.

Warning tags will be added at the start of every section, but the general gist is: incest, pedophilia mentions, fetishization of rape and abuse, fetishization of mlm, fetishization of people of color, racism, ableism, nb erasure and transphobia. aside of the warnings, this post will also touch upon Scummy Business Practices

let’s get going

Dana Rune’s and Elle’s lack of moral fiber: #incest #pedophilia#rape and abuse fetishization #homophobia

tl;dr: dana loves incest porn, elle loves guy on guy rape, and the both of them are friends with at least one pedophile

dana rune has run, is still running an incest zine (please visit my faq on what i think about “thats not really incest” and “it’s just fictional!”). The Arcana, as a dev team, clearly does not care, as shown in their e-mail responses.

dana also very much doesn’t care and has reacted to any criticism on this by dismissing people and blocking actual incest victims who tried to contact her about it claiming it was for her “mental health”

in some tweets she claims she “interprets” the characters as not siblings, but she never really cared enough to cover her ass when it all began (she happily admits she’d “cross the incest line”)

dana has commissioned artists who also ship incest, draw near-pedophilic art that’s supposed to pass as acceptable because the character involved is supposedly not a minor despite looking like a child down to wearing pigtails (the character is also wearing a racist-ass belly dancer outfit), AND even made white-washed fanart of The Arcana.

dana follows twitter user kapymui who also produces incestuous Fire Emblem art

dana has retweeted omocat long after it came out that omocat is, at the very least, consuming pedophilic content (on “omocat didn’t know what shota meant!”: yes they did)

moving on, elle has a long, long, LONG history of fetishizing mlm and the rape and abuse that comes with yaoi and had a rich, RICH “yaoi” tag before they deleted their tumblr

they curiously deleted their tumblr right after i made this reblog

shortly after that, tumblr user thalassiq remade and started attacking and insulting any blogs criticizing them - even people providing support in IMs. Since this doesn’t match Dana and Elle’s normal pity parties I’m personally willing to believe they were just a person wanting to start shit - but it’s so telling how Elle used this chance to dismiss everyone who disagrees with them by calling them “children” and did not even bother to offer a kind word to people who were harassed and even had their trauma mocked by this person. It costs 0 dollars to say “that was not me but I’m sorry about people who were hurt.”

Dana and Elle are close with Ava’s Demon creator Michelle Czajkowski aka that one person who endorses child porn of her characters, and even had her draw a promo image for the game. Michelle has been creating highly sexualized content of her minor characters for a while now.

ok so elle and dana are gross freaks, how is that related to the game?

oh it’s very very related

Dana Rune’s and Elle’s lack of moral fiber that’s Actually Inside The Game or The Game’s Blog: now with more #racism #fetishization of poc and mlm #whitewashing #fat hate #pedophilia #nb erasure #transphobia

tl;dr: the arcana is filled to the brim with racism! so much of it! haha holy shit! and that’s not even where it ends!!!

their game is rated PG-13 but includes incredibly sexual situations such as Julian making this fucking face while getting off on pain. This isn’t the only time Dana and Elle use their videogame aimed at young teens to showcase their kinks and fetishes. I have no issue with NSFW or titillating content, as long as it’s rated accordingly. This content is NOT and it’s a blatant disregard for their audience just to have a larger, more pliable demographic and have more money sent their way.

if you start your argument with “well, teenagers look at porn” 1. shut up 2. theres a HUGE difference between teenagers going after adult content aimed at adults, and adults creating content they know will be seen by kids barely starting puberty

as pointed above, dana has 0 qualms literally commissioning people who make whitewashed fanart of her own fucking game that’s supposed to be all about the inclusivity and safe spaces

thearcanagame blog has a pattern of reblogging whitewashed fanart (before you come in swinging with the good ole “ITS THE LIGHTING”: 1. no it isnt 2. the artist should’ve picked better lightning then 3. i draw and post shit online too so dont come telling me i just dont understaaaand),

fanart of their fat characters showed skinnier than they are in their sprites (although to be real for a moment - Portia is curvy at most and them behaving she’s fat rep is HILARIOUS).

going back to NSFW content: nadia and asra are overwhemlingly sexualized in the game, and were the first to have sexualized CGs and sprites introduced.

CGs: Asra’s here, here aND HERE, Nadia’s here with a NSFW warning because she’s just got her whole fucking ass out. Sprites: Asra’s thank god for whoever compiled it all in one image, Nadia’s and once again, NSFW warning lmfao!

Julian’s sprites on the other hand are noticeably tamer, including the one where he’s fucking strapped in leather. His only sexual (NSFW warning because its literally softcore tentacle porn WHICH, ONCE AGAIN, SHOULDN’T BE PUT IN A GAME AIMED AT 13YOS) CGs were also included months after Nadia and Asra received any of theirs.

Through all of the updates, people have constantly requested that Asra and Nadia’s sexualization be toned down, and time after time The Arcana just churned out fetishistic, hypersexualized content at an absurd rate, especially when compared to the one white love interest.

Oh, speaking of the one white love interest: Julian is based off of Jeff Goldblum (this is not spectulation - they p much bring it up at any given time) but like. If Jeff Goldblum was white. They base their favorite love interest off their supposed favorite man in the world but casually leave his skin tone behind. Lmao.

they also play favorites very obviously - in the prologue, Nadia and Asra have a romance paid scene each. Julian has a scene... that requires no coins. Julian was also the first LI to receive three CGs, two of them requiring no coins, while both Asra’s and Nadia’s first CGs were behind a paywall

Dana and Elle have been notoriously skittish about confirming or denying their characters’ ethnicities. After hyping for weeks on thearcanagame that they would confirm the character’s races they basically made a post that amounted to “well they’re not white lol!”

they only relented after the perfectly understandable outrage... and posted a thread about it on Elle’s twitter. Nothing on the actual thearcanagame blog. Anyway, here’s the thread. Note how there’s mention of Julian being Jeff Goldblum... but nothing about him and Portia being Jewish (or “fantasy Jewish” as it were).

The one time they did confirm their jewishness dana then backpedaled and said she shouldn’t have done that lol.

another fun tidbit of how well The Arcana handles race and how much it cares about feedback from fans: an ask was sent about an anon begging for Nadia to step on them. The blog, with the finesse of a bunch of horny dumbasses, didn’t just publish the ask, but approved of it (even though the fans of color had long, long, LONG been telling everyone not to fetishize Nadia into a “step on me kween” wet dream). People were outraged, of course, and the blog ~apologized~ and said they were still learning.... then a new chapter included a scene of Nadia stepping on the Apprentice. 🙃

not to mention elle, on their twitter, made a passive aggressive “women can be doms?” tweet, trying to twist it into a “yr oppressing women” angle (when the issue is that women of color are always constantly portrayed as aggressive and domineering)

Now for a wombo combo of racism and Elle’s fetishization of mlm:

the devs have spoken at length of how Julian’s and Asra’s relationship was quite unhealthy. In a paid scene in Asra’s route, they’re depicted as Asra being disgusted w Julian touching him+Julian following Asra to his shop when Asra refused his offer to go with him (aka julian... stalked him lmfao).

.......... this scene is promptly followed by a highly sexual scenario where Julian’s pain fetish is played up. Remember how this game is rated PG-13? Me neither. Asra’s previous disgust with Julian is also forgotten, for some reason (and by some reason i mean Elle wants to make them fuck w/o buildup or logic).

Then Asra’s route has yet another paid scene dedicated to Asrian, even though he’s supposed to not even like Julian! And be head over heels with the Apprentice! But Elle just has to make these two be entangled despite insisting their relationship was not good for either of them!

Now here’s the kicker: Julian doesn’t have any paid scenes related to his romance with Asra. Note how it’s one of the brown LIs whose route is highjacked by the white LI, but not vice versa. Hmmmmm.

Now, on the topic of Asra: thearcanagame has said repeatedly that he’s nb and uses he/him pronouns, and promised (since last year) that there would be dialogue where he speaks about his gender

as of the making of this post such dialogue still does not exist

so basically asra is the nb to dumbledore’s gay: anyone who just plays the game w/o keeping up with the official blog has no idea of what asra’s gender is supposed to be.

aka he’s not nb. he’s just a cis guy. the arcana just doesn’t want to put its money where its mouth is, i dont care if elle is nb themself. the team made a promise which has not been fulfilled yet and i suspect will not be.

instead, our introduction to canon nb characters is... these two.

By “these two” i mean neither vulgora nor valdemar are even fucking human, and stick out like sore thumbs with their monstruousness.

so our nb rep is... non-human villains. a few books later one of Nadia’s sisters with they/them pronouns shows up, but that’s too little too late on top of the fact that we should’ve known Asra was nb from the first to begin with. It’s a fucking embarrassment and an insult.

at least two villains are visibly disabled (Lucio’s missing arm and Volta’s blind eye+intentionally asymmetrical face). Julian’s eye doesn’t count because, spoilers, he’s not lacking an eye and even if he was it’d still be hidden behind a dashing eyepatch instead of grotesquely displayed as a sign of his lacking morality.

BUT WAIT! IT DOESN’T EVEN END THERE!

The Arcana Exploits The App Business Model To Price Their Full Game at $500, $1000 if the three extra routes make it out, and they never delivered their Kickstarter rewards:

tl;dr: you heard me

the original price per route was planned on being $1.99

they took that “subject to change” really seriously, it seems, because now each route, once the game is fully out, is estimated to cost around $170 each.

both those screenshots are taken from this post which explains in detail just how truly scummy all of The Arcana’s business model and decisions are: https://mysticmicrotransactions.tumblr.com/post/174308723344/dishonesty-from-the-arcana

the tl;dr is basically what’s listed in the beginning of this section, but other highlights from that post are: the use of addictive gambling mechanics such the Wheel of Fortune, and the dazzling calls to action in the new mini-game.

something that The Arcana supporters forget (or choose to ignore) is the fact that for a long, long time the game did not have the mini-game or the log-in rewards for coins. Players depended only on the gambling of the WoF or paying absurd amounts of money for the new chapters.

the devs went from playing the victims who were unable of controlling prices to (as spoken of in the link from mysticmicrotransactions) saying the making of the game (a pathetic little app game backed by a studio and a kickstarter) justifies the prices

they also gave people false hope about maybe changing the prices in the future, all while bleeding money from loyal players in “micro” transactions

the arcana literally added a $99.99 coins option on their latest update

in case it hasn’t sunk in yet: you can pay a hundred dollars upfront to the arcana, and you still will not have access to the whole game

there is no defense to this

none

“it’s free stop whining” let me explain:

“spend months on end accumulating fake currency or pay hundreds of dollars up-front to be able to play” is a scummy business model no matter how you look at it

if i can spend $60 upfront to play an AAA game there’s no excuse to demand more than that for a game with much smaller and, honestly, inferior content

the combination of there being already far and few games featuring lgbt characters and characters of color AND the little cult of personality set up by Dana and Elle makes people feel that spending money to support them is an acceptable expense.

it’s not

manipulating people into spending ridiculous amounts of money and then claiming “it’s their choice” is just scummy business, baby, and thats all the arcana does

the devs are brats who instead of admitting $500 is absurd for a game instead write petty little caricatures into their game - like, lbr: dana, elle, if i could afford diamonds in my hair i wouldn’t have even bothered with your shitstain of a game

despite bragging that ppl would get the full story w/o needing to pay, the paid scenes are pretty much required - the first few books of julian’s route have no romance without accessing any of the paid options. you dont even get so much as a kiss in without handing coins over. many, many people were baffled when julian had a teary break-up scene when from their perspective they hadn’t even started building a relationship.

wow that’s more than i ever thought it’d be

and i’ve been aware of their bullshit for near a whole year now!

i don’t have much of a note to end this on, other than: the arcana just isn’t even that good. it suffers from weak writing, pathetic character development and above all actually harmful content. do not try to argue with me on any of these points unless you’ve read all of that, because whatever you have to say i’ve likely mentioned before. if you still are that determined to yell at a me on the internet, please preface your argument with the phrase “I’m a pee pee poo poo man” so I know you’ve read everything in here. thank you!

#the arcana #the arcana game #julian devorak #count lucio #asra #HAHA HOO BOY

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genderfluidkevinday · 5 years

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genderfluid kevin day headcanons bc i can do what i want and also i have the perfect url to spread my “please representation” propaganda.

“how did you know?”

because in the quiet of nights when kevin is supposed to be asleep but he cant, not really, when his heart is still pounding from practice and every breath riko makes him terrified of being caught, he reads what he stole from the public library and it says sometimes people do not fit into the gender they were assigned and

because by sneaking searches on the internet when he can, kevin finds words. dangerous, un-raven-like words for how to love someone and how to be yourself. he finds words that mean you are not alone.

because he wakes up one day and demands to be the queen of exy, to be seen as what he is. the best. more powerful than the king. (not entirely cisgender?)

because it feels right.

because in the quiet between exy and family, kevin day has the time and the love to have the quiet understanding that this is who kevin day is.

it’s kinda a shitty realization process to go through- kevin starts questioning in the ravens, then immediately goes “No TM !” and internalizes all those feelings

kevin internalizes All the feelings, always ! compartmentalizing!

bisexuality? put it in a box!

gender identity? put it in a box!

feeling crushing inferiority? put it in a box!

mom died tragically? put it in a box!

ur dad isnt here? put it-

jesus fuck these headcanons were supposed to be happy and it got SO derailed 2 points in

anyways

post canon, kevin starts to become more comfortable w every aspect of himself, and finally takes the time to have a gender crisis

and then, immediately, decides it was all ridiculous and he was actually a cisgender all along !

he does the dumb thing i did. which is spend about a month going “lmao i’m cis but i wish i wasn’t, i don’t need a gender!” while badly ignoring his gender crisis

it’s renee who finally helps kevin out a little

kevin, dumbass: pfft, gender is stupid, but i’m cis so whatever! renee, nb lesbian icon: are you sure? kevin, having a crisis:

renee actually sends kevin a bunch of links to pages that have lots of words, and “what gender are you” quizes, and dumb memes about being trans/nonbinary and it shouldn’t help as much as it does.

renee is the first person kevin quietly texts at like, 2 am, and goes, “uh, can you use they, i think?”

her response is, obviously, “of course!”

so they’re like, pretty sure they’re not cis, but they bounce around labels for about a week before they end up settling on genderfluid.

sometimes kevin day is a boy, with loud opinions and soft hands. sometimes kevin day is a girl, with messy hair and a bright smile. sometimes kevin day is neither, with clumsy limbs and determined eyes

(however- kevin day can always outclass any striker on a court.)

it just feels right, in a way nothing else did.

theyre like,,, super nervous about coming out, like, they can’t even come up with the courage to tell their dad they’re bi, how the fuck are they gonna end up telling anyone else? solution! don’t.

except kevin is becoming more comfortable with every aspect of themself, and being casually bisexual around the foxes (nicky makes one too many jokes about kevin’s “”hetero guy crush”” on jeremy and they end up snapping “bitch i’m bi there’s nothing hetero about it.” and nicky is immediately like !!!!!!!!!!!!!) (but thats another post)

so kevin, with the growing comfort that yes, you can be non-heterosexual and non-cisgender and still be fucking amazing at exy, they start to come out

it’s a slow process because when they tried to do it all at once, they got tongue tied and just walked away without saying anything. so they end up doing it individually.

allison first (because renee can be there and give support AND bc allison is also A Trans), and kevin whispers, “so, I’m genderfluid.”

allison, casually: what are your pronouns? kevin: she/her. i’m a girl today. allison, with all the softness of someone who has been there: do you want me to do your makeup? kevin, with all the softness of someone who’s new to this: maybe one day.

after allison is andrew+neil, because they spend so much time together at night practice it’s inevitable it comes up

and by that i mean kevin screams halfway through night practice “THIS IS GENDERFLUIDPHOBIA” because andrew keeps blocking her shots.

andrew flips her off.

neil asks if thats an actual term.

kevin says to fuck off and keep practicing.

next is wymack.

oh boy.

so kevin isn’t even sure how to be a good son- she has no idea how to go about being a good daughter. she has no clue how to be a good child.

she doesn’t know if wymack even wants that.

but she goes to him after practice and he snaps, “what is it?” in a voice thats maybe a little less gruff than usual

and she says, “i’m genderfluid.”

he stares at her for a while.

she continues, “i’m a girl today, actually, and i just thought you should know.”

wymack asks, “you’ll tell me when it changes, right?”

kevin nods and leaves.

its a start.

telling jean feels like a really big deal, but in hindsight its about fifteen minutes of bad puns that follow an awkwardly worded coming out.

kevin: so like... guys right jean: yes? kevin: what if... i wasn’t one jean: are you trying to come out to me? kevin: is it working?

the rest of the monsters follows after that- aaron obviously doesnt understand, but he doesnt say anything rude. (he looks into it later). nicky, immediately, takes a supportive role.

nicky: I’M GONNA STAPLE A GENDERFLUID FLAG TO MY FACE THATS HOW MUCH I SUPPORT YOU kevin, softly: please don’t how would you play exy.

matt and dan get a less official coming out, because kevin isn’t sure how to be friends with them at all. but they manage a “so, i’m not a guy, actually, i’m genderfluid, and right now i don’t have a gender.”

dan gives them a set of pronoun bracelets for their birthday and matt gives them a book about the history of the nonbinary community and yeah, maybe this is how to be friends.

the baby foxes don’t get to find out. kevin doesn’t trust them as much, and isn’t ready to be... out out.

kevin has absolutely no desire to change their name, at all.

kevin: why would i change my name i’m an ICON.

WAIT i lied,,, they change their middle name to kayleigh.

the first time kevin gets invited to a girls night, she cries

its a surprise, which is hard to plan- girls nights are always on tuesdays, so they have to wait for a tuesday where kevin is free and feels like a girl

renee casually mentions that they have a history book that kevin might like, so she should come pick it up

and then in the dorm, dan and allison are setting up a movie and popcorn and renee is getting her nails painted. dan waves kevin over and tells her to pick a movie, allison tells her to pick out a nail polish, and renee actually does have a history book for her.

kevin finally accepts a make over from allison.

she cries like five times that night and tries to brush it off as nothing but... kevin can finally exist in a space, and feel welcome, and also feel... wanted.

it’s a good feeling

kevin, wearing a crop top with the genderfluid flag on it, painting renee’s nails as they watch the trojans game: lmao can you imagine thinking i was cis? what was i thinking? i was so dumb lol. renee, sweetly: no it was a perfectly normal reaction to being raised in a cisnormative society, and i’m very proud of you for figuring out that it wasn’t right for you kevin: dammit renee why do you have to be so kind and supportive just let me make jokes about my moron-ness in PEACE

kevin day is the fucking QUEEN of exy !!!!!!! she’s better than you and you know it.

each and every day kevin day hears misogonistic comments towards female exy players and each and every day kevin day wants to scream B I T C H in their face

he wanted to do this even before he figured out he was genderfluid bc kevin day drank respect women juice before realizing he was also drinking sometimes i am women juice

kevin actually 100% hates dresses a lot bc they can never find any that are a good texture and its Sensory Hell, and also you cant play exy in them?? what the fuck???

they end up liking crop tops and short shorts, and a few kinds of makeup, but skirts and dresses are dumb and itchy actually

kevin goes on an impassioned rant about this at LEAST once a month

you know that really good feeling when you wake up one day and you realize you’re happier knowing who you are and maybe it’s rough and maybe it’s not perfect but you get to know who you are and your friends respect and love you for who you are and you start to realize you love knowing you too????????

yeah.

kevin day is genderfluid and this is my hill to die on thank you and good night

#aftg #tfc #aftg headcanon #tfc headcanon #kevin day #if u follow me ur legally obligated to rb this bc its in line w my url #(joking)#genderfluid kevin day #renee walker #if only bc she features so heavily #i dont wanna tag all the others

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eeee-lye · 5 years

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On the aro-world’s blog you wrote “Please, please--support your aro-spec creator” - so here I am doing this in the best way I can. When I found you, your blogs and your writing, I was so over-joyous! Someone like me (autistic, ace-spec, genderless and unashamed aro!) writing stories including people like me! It felt like a paradise I didn’t know it existed, and gave me hope and courage for continuing writing my stories. (1)

I wanted to tell you how much I love your stories, I instantly downloaded them all, but I’ve been in a spot where reading or experiencing any new stories is exhausting, so for a long time I wasn’t able to read them. A couple of months ago, though, I managed to read some if the eagle court stories! And I’m pretty sure I cried during them (in a good way). Still, I wanted to read more before telling you about it…but now seems to be a good time, too. (2)

Eli is a great name! And your writing isn’t too gay; it’s a gay that’s needed and when it’s expressing who you are..how can people claim to accept you while disregarding your expressions of it in your art? I’m so sorry about them..only you can decide what’s good and what not for your stories as they are and I wish we’d live in a world where thinking about taking away queer content to make it more marketable was just straight up absurd; anyway, good luck on your gender journey! You are great! (3)

When I look at the people who follow me and the people I know … like, there’s so many trans, NB, a-spec autistics to the point where I’ve got to wonder if there’s any other autistics left. In theory, maybe? In the offline world? Somewhere? I don’t know.

Thank you. I just … thank you. I was feeling hurt and bewildered by Mum’s comment and some of the other stuff that went down today, so your kindness is just amazing to me. I have a queer support org webchat link open in another browser because I was thinking about seeing if I could talk through this with someone else queer–that’s kind of how messed up I feel, that I was considering webchatting with a stranger, which I’ve never done anything like before. I answered a @stimtoybox question for queue which calmed me a little, but maybe tomorrow evening I’ll try the chat option. I don’t understand why someone who claims to accept me can tell me as a queer can then tell me that she finds my fiction writing not beautiful like my non-fiction because it’s “too gay”. I don’t understand how my psychologist saw that as acceptance. I feel like I don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore, like the part of me that should be sure got all … undermined, and it’s terrifying.

I’m trying to pretend like I know, but I feel less angry than I do confused.

(I need support to survive after a psychology session. I don’t think this is how it’s supposed to go.)

So, thank you. Thank you so much for your kindness and your encouragement and that you took the time to write this out–thank you. I have to say that a few folks have said some really nice things to me today–you and @sevenraptors and @crimsonsquare to me directly, and @the-rose-owl and @kyanitedragon and @greed-the-dorkalicious on my @aroworlds post. And I am glad, so glad, that there’s folks here who are so kind and supportive, of my art and of me as a person, even when my head’s reeling.

I do feel, though, that I’ve been living with names and pronouns for so long that are more about other peoples’ ease of use and less about what I feel and need, and I don’t feel wrong about exploring that after today. That bit feels good and right; it had been simmering for a long time before today. If I had to endure today, well, then at least today I also got to name myself and I’m going to figure out how to be genderless in ways that best suit my needs as opposed to what’s easier for everyone else. That’s something important.

And when my head’s a bit more together, damn it, I’m going to keep writing as anything as queer as I can make it.

I hope you keep writing! What are you working on and is any of it available for reading? I need “autistic, ace-spec, genderless and unashamed aro!” works to read, so please keep writing if only for my sake, because I am desperate to see folks more like me write characters more like me!

(And I have a blog on which to signal boost it, so please let me know about it so I can be excessively obnoxious in doing so.)

But again, thank you, thank you so much for being so kind today.

#ask #text #triskaidekaphilist #personal #gratitude #cissexism #heterosexism #family #long post #very long post

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zoeogdenmultimediaproject · 4 years

Text

More than just my bitterness about Chella Man (I promise)

There is no doubt that if your gender identification and gender presentation doesn't align with your assigned sex, you are at a disadvantage. But privilege is not a black and white kind of problem, so I pose the question: is there privilege within the genderqueer community?

In 2016, NBC published a short video on passing privilege (the first privilege I will discuss) with NBC OUT contributor Jacob Tobia.

youtube

Essentially, the idea is that transgender people who are able to pass for cisgender are granted many important privileges that others don't have access to. Some include running errands, going to the movies, or getting a haircut— or more importantly: finding employment, finding love, or finding acceptance (Tobia 00:05-00:40).

There's nothing wrong with being a person who passes for cisgender, just as there's nothing wrong with being male or white or straight. However, problems do crop up when the privileges that come along aren't addressed, particularly in the case of transgender people in the public eye.

I've discussed Chella Man once before, but I think it's important to bring him up again because he is such a well known figure among queer youth (nationally, but especially in New York City). I don't think it's dramatic to say that Man and his girlfriend (MaryV Benoit, who is straight, I might add) are two of the major faces of queer youth in America. This is fine. Man is a good role model and provides queer and transgender youth someone to look up to and admire.

However, I have to ask a question that I've posed to many, many people. Why is Chella Man, a cisgender passing, wealthy, conventionally attractive person the face of transgender youth when, for the most part, transgender people don't fit this mold?

The answer is obvious: he is a celebrity for the same reasons everyone else is a celebrity. He is handsome in a way that appeals to popular notions of beauty; he is vocal on social media; he is opinionated, well-spoken, and has a strong platform. This is fine. I don't expect celebrity culture (even queer celebrity culture) to make a 180 overnight.

However, the biggest problem I have with Man and his privilege is the fact that he has yet to address it in any meaningful sense.

I dug through his social media and appearances in mainstream media for any mention of passing privilege, and these were the two things I was able to unearth. The first is a NewNowNext Logo article by Lawrence Ferber entitled "Trans, Deaf “Titans” Star Chella Man Is the Craziest, Sexiest Superhero on TV" in which Man makes this statement:

Cool. Thanks for addressing that you pass for cis. That's step one. Step two: announcing that "we" need to work so that people who don't pass get the same opportunities that you do. Also cool.

But I'm just curious: who do you expect to do this work? Why not you? You, with the gaggles of followers and a platform where what you say is heard?

The second was a video posted to Man's twitter in which he casually discusses the privilege of being able to walk shirtless in the woods as a cisgender male-passing person. I think the tweet and video say it all.

This is less a commentary on the privilege of being cis-passing than being male-passing; he mentions how "femmes" wouldn't be safe doing what he's doing. This is true, but imagine the danger a non-passing transgender person would be in walking through the woods, shirtless. And this isn't even discussed!

I'm not the only one who feels this way about Man.

In a reddit thread started by cwilder999, this Instagram post was shared:

The most important part of what the above post is the fact that Man not only has passing privilege— he has the privilege of hormone therapy and top-surgery (which don't come cheap or without the support of one's family) and a fan base full of young trans people who think their story will follow the same easy path Man's did. Reddit user DaNkMeMeS4UNME responds with the following:

Yes, I hope so, too.

But as of yet, I have seen no action on Man's part to "uplift other trans folx? (Particularly those who don't pass)," nor any other mention of how his privilege has granted him the success and fame he holds today.

Passing privilege is only one side of the story when it comes to gender nonconformity, however.

There's an entire part of this world of queerness and queer culture that some don't feel they have complete access to— and this is where race comes into play.

Again I found myself on the blog "They Is My Pronoun" (see my earlier post here) where Anonymous posed this question:

“I love my friends who use they/them pronouns. However I have noticed that they are all white. Sometimes I think claiming these pronouns is a white privilege. Or just only a thing in white culture. Are there any resources out there that talk about race and nb [non-binary] pronouns? I want to understand better how different cultures deal with non binary folks, and how they deal with pronouns. Thank you.”

This person found that using gender neutral pronouns (GNPs) is more common among their white friends than their friends of color. Lee Airton responded by claiming that they just weren't sure. Is this just another case of privileged people (in this case white-privileged people) have more access and acceptance when putting their gender non-conformity into the public eye? Or is it more than that? One interesting concept Airton brought up was this fact:

“It’s true that singular they is an overwhelmingly Anglo-friendly if not Anglocentric way to recognize non-binary or genderqueer folks in everyday language, as this verb structure simply does not exist in many other languages.”

Not only are non-Anglo cultures less likely to be accepting of gender non-conformity, but the linguistic terminology used to express gender non-conformity suits Anglo languages better than others; like Airton says, "this verb structure, [they as a singular pronoun], simply does not exist in many other languages." Not only are non-binary people in non-Anglo cultures less accepted, they sometimes don't even have access to the terminology that is so helpful in establishing an identity. This is an issue that deserves much more investigation, but not much has been done as of yet.

The other half of this issue (less related to genderqueerness and more related to queer culture as a whole) is the idea of people of color operating in Western queer communities. In Charles Nero's Why Are All the Gay Ghettos White?, this problem is addressed with an anecdote about the television program Six Feet Under and its treatment of the black, gay character Keith.

Essentially, Nero's point is that over the course of the show, Keith's character is used to express black gay men's lack of understanding of typical gay culture and their inherent aggressive natures (239-240). This culminates in Nero's overarching claim that black gay men have always been seen as outsiders in gay culture, to the point of this startling quote (240):

This is true even today. Non-white gay people are seen as outsiders, not only in their own cultures and communities, but in the communities they join as queer people.

So the answer is clear: yes. There is evidence of severe inequalities of privilege within this underprivileged group (group being queer people). From having the money for top surgery to not having access to terminology that others have at their disposal, some queer people have advantages others do not. Even the ties that bind queer people together are severed by discriminations of class and race.

How do we solve this? I have no idea. I don't even know whose responsibility it is to fix the problem. Hopefully, those with privilege will begin to work towards making communities more accessible for all people in all intersections of life, and I'm sure some are, but I have yet to see any major addressing of this increasingly prevalent problem by those with the power, platform, and reach so far.

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raeofgayshine · 7 years

Text

It’s National Coming Out Day

And tonight at Pride we talked Coming Out stories. And I wanted to share my story, because I knew everyone would be supportive and because if there was ever a time to get it out, now is it. But my anxiety kept me from speaking up until too late. So I’m going to put it here

Now I can’t remember everything exactly and at point time seriously blends together in my mind, but I’m going to do my best to put to together a semi comprehensive story.

Starting with the first time I ever heard about the LGBTQA community, back in 9th grade.

Now before then I heard, sort of, about boys liking boys or girls liking girls, through rumors and things at school, but that was never a big deal to me, I never even realized there was a name for it, I just figured it was normal and that was that.

So in 9th grade my best friend, who at the time I had just met, he sort of explained to me the idea of being gay, what it meant and like explained to me the entire prejudice against them and a 1000% I never understood because to me people were people and who they loved didn’t matter.

To this day I still don’t understand prejudice against the LGBTQA community, but that’s something else.

Anyways so it was at that time I sort of realized I wasn’t attracted to boys, at least not the way my friends were, so I spent a solid year just identifying as unsure, questioning. I thought that, you know, I would know when I knew and until then I just had to wait for feelings to happen.

I was wrong .

So flash forward to some time Sophomore year. I’m in English class sitting with my best friend, my other best friend at the time, and this guy who was sort of my friend I guess

Anyways so my two friends are sitting talking about guys and liking guys and all that

And the dude st the table is sort of just listening to them, I’m zoned out, but he’s watching and listening them and when one of them finally ask why he says something about how trying to figure out how girls brains work when it comes to guys.

Of course me who has no filter automatically looks up and says casually maybe I should listen to them because girls brains never made sense to me.

It took a minute and me explaining for them to understand I meant in regards of liking guys or just people in general (though in a way that was my first moment ever realizing I wasn’t fully female).

Then silence fell for a minute, and my best friend just sort of stared at me for a while before he asked “Are you asexual?”

I asked what that was, listened to the explanation, shrugged and said maybe and moved on, like it was no big deal but I realize now that this was essentially the first time I sort of came out. It was certainly the first time I had ever really acknowledged my lack of feelings and confusion, at the time it seemed so insignificant but it really sent me down a path.

10th grade me wasn’t ready for a label. I looked into asexuality in the coming weeks and it seemed to be similar to my experience, but I just wasn’t sure and I wasn’t ready for a label, so I pushed it off for a while.

Anyone who has followed blog knows about the downfall at the end of my 10th grade year, so by the time I was 16 I was in this circling spiral of confusion and anxiety and self hate and suicidal thoughts, the first half of 11th grade was some of the toughest time of my life.

At some point I finally realized that I needed to start figuring out things about myself, I needed to work it out before I got worse, so I spent a lot of time researching and reading and just thinking until finally at some point I accepted I was Ace.

I had also been by this point questioning my gender but I pushed that off to figure out one thing at a time.

So once I figured out I’m Ace, obviously I’m out online and to my best friend, I’m pretty sure my sister found out through my blog, but at this point I’m now left trying to figure out my romantic orientation or my gender.

And the idea of being anything other than cisgender (even though I knew I was) terrified me, so though I looked into it some, I largely pushed away out of fear.

It was a little harder for me to figure out my romantic orientation because I wasn’t exactly sure what love even was, for a while I thought I might be aromantic, but that didn’t really feel right, I kept looking for signs but if I’m not mistaken I didn’t actually realize until Ghostbusters.

When I had that incredible dream about dating teenage Holtzman and woke up realizing that I decidedly liked girls. It didn’t take me long afterwards to realize that those feelings transcended across gender, which in retrospect makes a lot of sense because even before when I was questioning I didn’t want to give myself a label because I figured I would just fall in love with anyone regardless their gender. I just didn’t have to term then.

About a week later I was watching something, the CMA’s I believe, when it just hit me that I really should have realized earlier I liked girls as well as guys (and nb genders too), because when I was younger I was completely in love with Taylor Swift. Once I figured out what romantic feelings were it was a lot easier for me to look back and see moments I had felt them.

And this entire time, my entire Senior year, I’m trying to come to terms with my gender.

It’s hard. Harder than figuring out my sexuality, in part because it can be very hard to find info outside of the binary if you don’t know where to look.

My whole coming to terms with my gender is an entire ordeal, I’m still trying to come to terms with it really, I’ve tried out a thousand different terms but none of them have stuck. Still, at some point in Senior year I finally accepted that I was outside of the binary, started using they/them pronouns, and that was that.

Then so probably around March, it was later winter early fall 2017 at any rate, I finally ask my best friend to help me with name suggestions, because I just couldn’t use mine anymore.

I was terrified at first to change my name because I was afraid I wasn’t trans enough, but he convinced me to do it and slowly, I did.

The first time I introduced myself to someone in person was at Pace Orientation, when I got the whole group to call me Raven and that was that.

And then when I started school I was Raven and no one ever questioned it, Pride and all of them accepted me with open arms and it’s been hard but I’m working on it.

My gender coming out is still a huge struggle for me, at some point I feel like that should be a post all it’s own because the mess of feelings I have over it is ridiculous, but for now

Thats my story

And for anyone following this blog that didn’t know: Hi, I’m Raven(puff), and I’m Asexual, Panromantic, and Non Binary and I use they/them pronouns.

Happy National Coming Out Day everyone. Even those of you still in the closest, I’m proud of ever single one of you for continuing to fight on for another day.

I love you all muchly. Thank you.

#Ravenpuff Rambles m

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queercapwriting · 7 years

Note

hey I don't know if you're taking prompts atm, but if you are could you please write some more nb!alex college au, I love them so much and your writings make me so happy!

(A follow-up to this story: https://queercapwriting.tumblr.com/post/160089660369/pleasee-write-nbalex-in-college-like-could-they )

“Wanna get outta here?” Maggie asks, chuckling at Alex’s banter with their roommate, but also wanting the full attention of this adorable enby.

And it terrifies her.

Her desire.

Her question.

Terrifies her because the only people she’s kissed have been girls in high school who took her underneath the bleachers to make out, only to tell their boyfriends later that she took advantage of them.

Terrifies her because of Eliza Wilke.

Terrifies her because of her father.

But she’s away, now.

Away, for the first time.

And Alex Danvers? This kid hanging out of their window, undercut and tank top and sleeveless vest and and flattened chest and baggy shorts all but screaming their queerness? Their braveness?

Maybe Alex Danvers won’t punish her for her desires.

But at her question, Alex almost topples out of their dorm room window.

Maggie catches them by their stomach, and they both pause at the contact. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been so – “

“No, no, it’s… it’s just funny, right? Because usually when someone says ‘you wanna get outta here,’ they mean go home or something, but I am home, so you don’t mean go home, right, you mean go away from my home instead of to it, and it’s just…”

Alex putters like they’ve run out of fuel, and they shrug awkwardly. Adorably.

Maggie’s never wanted to kiss anyone this badly, and she chastizes herself harshly. She barely knows Alex.

Doesn’t know them at all.

But their rambling is awkward, and it’s earnest, and earnesty isn’t something Maggie comes across a lot.

“Just what, Danvers?” she helps them out, a small smile tugging at her lips.

“It’s just funny,” Alex finishes, starting to blush, and Maggie hears Lucy sighing dramatically at Alex’s lack of chill inside the dorm.

Maggie gulps and she lowers her eyes to Alex’s lips and she looks away as soon as she realizes she’s done it.

“Your room isn’t the only home on this campus,” Maggie says, her voice low, her voice hopeful.

Alex nearly falls again, and Maggie grabs them again.

Alex opens and closes their mouth helplessly.

“But for now, wanna take a walk?” Maggie grins, hopping down from the window and retrieving her backpack and motorcycle helmet from the ground.

Alex takes nearly a full thirty seconds to stammer a yes, and somehow their rambling makes them more attractive to Maggie. More unassuming. More… earnest. More honest. More genuine.

“Uh – yes, just – uh, can you come around the front entrance? I’m sorry, I – “

“Yeah, yeah, it’s cool. Meet you in a minute. Um – nice to meet you, Lucy!” Maggie raises her voice at the end.

“Have them home by midnight, Sawyer! It’s not a huge campus, I can easily find out where you live!”

“Yes ma’am!” Maggie offers a mock salute. Even though she knows Lucy can’t see her from inside, she knows Alex can, and Alex laughs.

She decides she wants to make Alex laugh as much as she can.

“See you on the other side,” she offers up to Alex, and they nod as they scramble backwards off their windowsill, nearly falling in.

Maggie chuckles to herself once she listens to make sure Alex is okay. She slings her bag over her shoulder and sets off at a jog toward the main entrance of Alex’s dorm.

It takes Alex more than a minute or two to get there.

It occurs to Maggie that they might not come.

That Maggie asking if they wanted to go somewhere – to get outta here – might have been rude to Lucy. Might have been a turn off to Alex.

Because why would someone that attractive want to go anywhere with Maggie anyway? Why would someone that soft want to have anything to do with Maggie, anyway?

Maybe Alex had only said she could come up and sit on their window to be polite.

They seemed like they were a polite person.

Politeness was good. Nice.

Good and nice didn’t deserve Maggie Sawyer.

How could she have been so stupid? So overconfident? How could she have been so –

“Maggie.”

Her stomach backflips at the slightly breathless sound of Alex’s voice, and she turns.

“You’re a lot taller than me,” is the first thing she says, because she couldn’t really tell when they were sitting on the windowsill together. It’s the first thing she says because the shock of Alex actually standing there in front of her, eager and ready to head out… wherever… is so unbelievable.

Alex grins and straightens, puffing out their chest slightly.

“I uh…”

“You don’t have to actually respond to that, it was a stupid comment.”

“No! It wasn’t stupid, I… um… I’m sorry I made you wait. I’m uh…” They glance around and take a deep breath, but Maggie had used their pronouns without hesitation and without any reluctance, and she still wanted to go out with them – go out? were they going out? did this count as going out? – and it feels so good to still, maybe, be wanted, and they want to talk, to share, so badly… “I’m not used to my uh… to my binder yet, it’s uh… I’m still not used to things like uh… hopping out of windows and stuff.”

Maggie grins and nods, giving Alex another once-over with her eyes. “Well, it’s good self-care: you’re not supposed to be all breathless with them on anyway, right?”

“Gonna be hard to be around you while I wear it then,” Alex blurts out softly without thinking, without considering, and Maggie’s breath hitches, and Alex’s face flushes.

“I’m sorry, that was forward, I just meant – “

“No. No, Danvers, I…” She realizes there are tears in her eyes and she’s not quite sure why. She clears her throat and she forces down a gulp. “Where do you wanna go? On campus, off? There’s this pizza joint a few blocks off the SU that I like. Do you like pizza?”

“Isn’t it kinda the law?” Alex chuckles, and starts walking.

Maggie falls into step, and after a quiet moment, Alex offers their arm out for Maggie to hold onto.

“Oh, a gentlehuman,” Maggie laughs, accepting their arm. She looks up at Alex with soft eyes. “Is there a word you prefer? Something less gendered, more?”

“Context,” Alex shrugs. “Right now?” They glance down at Maggie, at her leather jacket and tight jeans and gorgeous, gorgeous hair. “Gentleman would be just fine. I mean, unless you… you’ve only dated girls before? Not that this is a date, I mean – “

“It’s not?” Something’s dancing in Maggie’s eyes, something a lot like that confidence she’d had in her walk when she’d first gotten off her bike. But this is less affected, less defensive. This? This is happiness. This is hope.

“Is it? I mean, do you want it to be? If – I mean, I know it’s not how dates typically happen – “

“What, you mean sitting with a girl on your windowsill, getting egged on by your roommate, and then taking the girl on a walk to a pizza place off campus? That’s not your typical MO, Danvers?”

Alex laughs, and Maggie grins.

“I don’t have an… I mean, I don’t usually – we just met, I don’t want you to think I’m trying to…”

“To what?”

Alex shrugs, stiffening as a group of frat boys laughs their way past them. They glance down at Maggie, whose face is suddenly steel, and Alex decides they like her even more than they already did. They put their arm over her shoulder and pull her closer to their body protectively.

The boys pass, and Alex shifts their arm, unsure of what to do.

“Is that okay?”

Maggie nods with a tight throat and a throbbing heart. Alex keeps their arm around her shoulder.

“You said you’re new here. New to cities. I told you I’d look out for you. I don’t want you to… to think I want anything in return.”

“Except maybe a date,” Maggie deadpans, but she’s smiling and her dimples ease Alex’s worry.

They lapse into a surprisingly comfortable silence, taking in the campus, taking in the football game on one side of the quad, the class being held outside on the other.

“Why would you want to?” Maggie asks after a while.

“Want to what?”

“Look out for me.”

Alex shrugs again. “You don’t seem like you need it. Looking out for. But everyone should have someone. It’s lonely otherwise.”

“Yes,” Maggie says after a long moment, and her tone tells Alex she’s not responding to their comment about loneliness.

“Yes what?” they ask, furrowed brow and nervous heart.

“Yes, this is a date, Danvers,” Maggie grins, and Alex can practically hear Lucy whooping from all the way across campus, can practically hear Kara’s excited squeals when they call her later tonight.

And all these things?

Make them feel like they’re flying.

#sanvers #sanvers minific #sanvers college au #nb!alex #nb!alex danvers #sanvers first date

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