#and. none of them are around me. none of them talk about things happening around me
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𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫,
who is a virgin and wants him to be their first. gender neutral, not so much explicit, but still smutty, as usual. Alastor is his own warning. kinda.
this one took me a while for several reasons. mostly because life is a bitch, but also because it was a really hard piece to write. I'm asexual myself and this is heavily self-indulgent. I wanted to maintain this treat of his, but still explore the sexual aspect of the relationship and the way asexual people might participate in it. so... yeah. proceed with understanding of this.
oh? so, you're just like him.
the only one who is not surprised whatsoever. isn't it supposed to be that way?
though there are a lot of vulgar people around. he might even praise you for keeping your chastity for so long.
but… becoming your first?
“Truly, my dear? That's quite the favor to ask a gentleman!”
it's less about being repulsed by the idea of intimacy (it doesn't sound bad if it's with you) and more about not wanting to step into a completely uncharted territory.
that's a first for him too, after all.
give him time. he needs to research some things before he's ready to try.
a week or two later he suddenly appears out of the shadows in your room with loud static noises, scaring the shit out of you, and announces that he would be very pleased to take the offer!!
hooray..? (please come out from under the bed, darling.)
now, just like Husk, he is an old-fashioned man. for him, this could only happen after a nice date.
he prefers a simple stroll around the city arm in arm, and having some coffee with you.
you can sense that he's a tad nervous, but also deeply thrilled. his posture is a little stiff while walking, ears, usually unmoving, twitch slightly here and there. it's cute.
you also notice he's more physically intimate with you today than usual. sitting a bit closer to you and leaning in subtly, so you can feel his warmth. gently covering your hand with his own. reaching to fix your hair, touch feather-like and making your heart pound in your chest.
none of it is sexual in any way, but the difference in his demeanor doesn't let you forget your plans for the night even for a moment.
judging by the sly curve of his smile and very attentive gaze, this is one hundred percent intentional.
inclined to take you into his own room after the date. if you're not against the living forest in the background.
(I suggest you accept the offer. fireflies would be a very romantic addition to your night.)
he needs to talk things out first.
“Let's discuss some rules of our… little arrangement.”
the rules are quite simple, although you might find them odd.
he will not take all his clothes off. especially not the lower part. pants stay on no matter what.
his hands, his mouth? all for your pleasure, darling. no limitations here.
and maybe, if you behave yourself and ask nicely… his shadows, too, can participate.
he merrily refuses to elaborate on what “behaving” means for him exactly. it's simply more fun that way, isn't it?
jacket tossed inside, sleeves rolled up. honestly speaking, it already feels too revealing. you don't think you ever saw so much of his arms or his neck before.
he is in a white shirt today, clean and pure, like the snow on the mountaintop. pristine even.
you never saw this, either.
he follows your gaze and his smile turns a little unsettling. you shiver, suddenly feeling like you are the one who's exposed here, even though you haven't taken off anything yet.
“No blood to stain it today, my dear,” he coos, adjusting the shirt slightly. oh, so usually he wears red for–
you don't want to continue this thought right now.
he's very insistent on undressing you by himself.
he uncovers you like you're his birthday cake in a cute present box. slowly removing every ribbon, carefully taking off the wrapping, anticipating what's underneath.
his hands are cold, but his eyes are heated, even somewhat hungry. and so, so intent.
he drinks on your every shiver, on the way your lips parts ever so slightly to let out a small gasp, on the goosebumps that run on your skin, when he leans in to nibble on your pretty neck, right beside the quicked throbbing of your pulse.
he hums an old tune, seemingly lost in exploration of your body and the way you respond to his touch.
he's eager to learn and very observant. he changes the pace the moment he notices you feeling uncomfortable. he discovers what makes you respond well and uses the knowledge without any shame.
but he also does very much love you telling him what you want him to do with that cute trembling voice of yours.
that's what eventually earns you the shadows taking part in the whole fun. if this is something you desire.
if you weren't satisfied before, you most certainly are now.
expect him to restrain you. he likes to see you squirming under his touch, unable to set the pace. he does everything deliberately slow, so you would beg him to give you more and do it faster.
he's very controlling in general, and although he takes into account what you want, he will also act on his own whim.
it honestly seems that he likes teasing and tormenting you to see your reactions much more than the physical aspect of it all.
humor him, and he will reward you accordingly.
but don't let him get too lost in it. he has a tendency to forget that you're not merely a toy to play with.
set some boundaries and you'll be alright.
once you both decide it's enough, he's a thoughtful gentleman again, bringing a glass of water for you, and helping you clean yourself up.
will let you rest your head on his lap, gentle light of fireflies surrounding you.
he sings a shooting melody, letting you peacefully drift off to sleep.
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One of the most interesting things about the Atreides characters to me is the constant tension between formal and informal power dynamics going on in that House.
Leto and Jessica seem to have a fairly equitable relationship where they genuinely love and respect each other. This rests entirely on the fact that Leto is generally a Good Dude on an interpersonal level, who like, sees Jessica as a person and recognizes and appreciates her intelligence, skills and political acumen. While concubine to the head of a Great House seems to be a fairly high-status role in their world, we know it is not equal in social standing to the role of a wife, and certainly not equal to the male head of the House. Leto does treat Jessica as his equal informally, but by the social rules of their world he certainly doesn't have to.
Similarly, Leto treats Gurney, Duncan and Thufir like trusted colleagues and confidantes, and while they formally treat him with a certain amount of deference (addressing him as Sire or my Lord and accepting that he will be the final authority on things), it's also clear that informally, none of them are hesitant to speak their minds in front of him, offer suggestions or contradict him on something.
Paul's relationships with Duncan and Gurney are similarly complex. They're both older than him and serve as his mentors/teachers. Neither of them are afraid to tease him, challenge him, or reprimand him when they think he's doing something risky. They love him in an almost-familial way and would protect him with their lives. It seems like Paul would like to be friends with them on equal terms. But formally they are both his servants. Or, more precisely, while Leto is alive they are his father's servants and know they have Leto to answer to if anything should happen to his son.
The moments when the formal power dynamics assert themselves are always fascinating. When Paul and Gurney are first reunited, I would say Gurney is still treating Paul like a Duke's son and not a Duke. He's loyal and he is overjoyed to know Paul is still alive, but he still calls Paul by his first name and talks to him like he's giving advice to someone who's still learning. But then there is that moment when Paul pulls rank and gives Gurney a direct order to go to the south and Gurney's demeanor immediately shifts. He only ever addresses Paul as my Lord after that, and he treats him with a deference that makes it clear they are lord and vassal, not friends or family members.
(And like, technically once Leto is dead, Paul is the Duke and everyone in House Atreides is Paul's vassal--including Jessica. Practically when it comes to Paul giving Jessica an order she does not want to follow...well I would like to see him fucking try.)
Leto's leadership style with those close to him seems very much based on creating a familial, mutually protective vibe that wins him intense loyalty. (It is really interesting to see him try this on Stilgar who doesn't buy it for a second.) We see Paul try to emulate that, possibly with an even more intense longing for relationships of genuine equality that's born out of growing up with no peers of his same age and status around him.
But there is still always a little bit of power imbalance, because the chill vibes rely entirely on the continued benevolence of the Atreides men, and that benevolence can be withdrawn at any time.
#dune#dune part two#paul atreides#leto atreides#lady jessica#duncan idaho#gurney halleck#house atreides#i like to imagine paul trying to explain all these wack power dynamics to chani and shishakli and them being like. what the fuck dude
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THAT DAMNED SPREADSHEET
DOES ANYONE TO HEAR ABOUT MY ADVENTURE IN THE SPREADSHEET?
Cause I'm pretty damned sure I know what getting "High" on Milgram means.
Talking about his being rejected by the Magnus Institute, Samama said:
[That definitely feels like when it all started. […] Well, after that it all just went downhill. Didn’t get into Oxford, so I went to Nottingham.]
And that does not sound like what one would say about something that happened when they were, like, eight. So I went to take another look at the spreadsheet. Of course I was wrong, because The Magnus Institute burned in 1999, so he couldn’t have been more than nine, but I found out other stuff.
A thing that bugs me in how I’ve read some discussing the spreadsheet is that Sam has the highest empathy score, and that it made him “too nice/good” for the Institute’s purposes (not necessarily this directly but it has been implied, including in the “recruiting future avatar theories, and… well, implying that low empathy makes you more likely to become a literal monster is quite disgusting, actually).
First, I think we got one thing wrong on the Kohlberg column. Since they are kids, it doesn’t seem shocking that they’d be around stages 1 to 3 of his “Six stages of moral development”; but it doesn’t say Stage 1, 2 or 3 it says Level 1, 2 or 3, and I don’t think it’s a mistake.
His six stages are divided into three levels: Pre-Conventional (1,2), Conventional (3,4) and Post-Conventional (5,6).
People in stages 1 and 2 (Level 1) have a sense of morality that is linked to the direct consequences of their actions on themself — stage 1 is “don’t hit the dog because you’ll be punished” and stage 2 “give her half your banana and you’ll get half her chocolate bar” (very simplified).
People on stages 3 and 4 (Level 2) have internalized their surrounding’s sense of morality and act accordingly — stage 3 being “I’ll get a good grade in being a person by following the rules” and stage 4 “the rules I learnt are true and real, failing to follow them is Wrong and upholding them is Right” (idem).
People on stages 5 and 6 (Level 3) have a personal sense of morality that is critical of societal norms — stage 5 being “there are rules, and those rules can and should be changed through compromise to be fair to the greatest number”, and stage 6 “unfair rules should not be followed, direct consequences like punishment are irrelevant when it comes to deciding to do what it right” (very, very, very simplified).
If I’m right, the spreadsheet is so much more understandable.
First thing I wanted to do was put numbers on how singular Sam’s results are:
He gets “High” on both Milgram and Asch when the overwhelming tendency is that the higher your other scores are, the more likely you are to get “Low”, and the numbers were, indeed, that among the 49 children who scored “High” on both, 33 were in Piaget’s stage 1, 15 were in stage 2 and only Sam was in stage 3.
The 33 kids who were in stage 1 are the opposite of Sam:
(Abbreviating so it’s easier to compare values but P=Piaget, K=Kohlberg, Ps=Prosocial, S-A=Sally-Anne, U=Ultimatum, EI=Empathy Index)
33K: (P) Stage 1 :: (K) Level 1 :: (Ps) Low :: (S-A) Fail :: (U) Unfair :: (EI) ≥62%
Sam: (P) Stage 3 :: (K) Level 3 :: (Ps) High :: (S-A) Pass :: (U) Fair :: (EI) 98%
So that’s weird. And when I went to filter by Kohlberg levels… absolutely no kid that was on “Level 2” scored High on Milgram and Asche.
In fact, among the 99 kids on Kohlberg Level 2, none got “Low” for prosocial, none got “High” on Milgram, only 2 got “High” on Asch.
And when we read “Level 2 (Conventional Morality) instead of “Stage 2 (Pre-Conventional Morality, what benefits me directly)” we can make sense of this:
“To reason in a conventional way is to judge the morality of actions by comparing them to society's views and expectations. […] Conventional morality is characterized by an acceptance of society's conventions concerning right and wrong. At this level an individual obeys rules and follows society's norms even when there are no consequences for obedience or disobedience. Adherence to rules and conventions is somewhat rigid, however, and a rule's appropriateness or fairness is seldom questioned.” (by Kohlberg himself, from Wikipedia)
Adults can be Level 2, by the way. Adults can even be Level 1. Subjects of the Milgram experiment are displaying peak Level 2 behavior.
“High” on Milgram is “Did not electrocute/Disobeyed”
“High” on Asch is “Did not conform”
GOSH THAT IS SATISFYING
Bonus: the average empathy index is 79,1%, the median is 82% with 116 kids below 82%, 13 kids at 82% and 120 kids above. Of the 116 kids below the median, 11 got “Low” on Milgram. Of the 13 median kids, 3 got “Low” on Milgram. Of the 120 kids above, 91 got “Low”.
If we take the average instead, of the 163 kids more empathetic than the average, 100 got “Low” on Milgram, and 2 got “High”, of the 86 less empathetic than the average, 5 got “Low” and 59 for “High” on Milgram.
So actually here, low empathy is inversely correlated to willingness to hurt if ordered to.
And it makes sense. Low empathy is often associated with anti-social personality disorder, autism, depression — and you know what’s very associated with anti-social personality disorder? Disobedience.
Now I have to make another post about the weird kids in red's names.
#tmagp#tmagp theory#tmagp arg#samama khalid#tmagp spoilers#the magnus protocol#the magnus institute#the spreadsheet#guys i am so unused to numbers now#it's three am and i haven't eaten since breakfast#i don't even know if someone made a post like this already but i didn't find anything
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find me;
ivantill, 4.1k, inspired by this post by @ivanttakethis
Ivan returns - alive - after round 6 despite all odds but something is different about him. Wrong. Till is on his own to figure out what happened and how to fix it.
Till didn’t know how to describe what he was feeling – that wasn’t quite true; he had an idea. He was numb. He thought he’d been numb, before, but after watching Ivan die… now he knew what true numbness felt like.
He might not have expressed it enough, looking back. Just how much he appreciated having Ivan around. Maybe, he hadn’t even known yet how terribly empty this place would feel without him.
And now he would never get to tell him. He would never even get to talk to him again.
It was over, and frankly Till was too tired to keep fighting. It didn’t matter. His next opponent was Luka and he wasn’t naive enough to think he could win.
Strangely, he felt an odd sense of calm alongside the numbness. He was ready to go. He was ready to see if the aliens were truthful about this one thing, at least. Was there much of anything after death or just eternal darkness?
Nothingness?
Maybe that really would be better. To feel nothing. Be nothing.
Till heard a familiar bell; it was dinnertime. He curled up tighter, hugging his knees and closed his eyes. He wasn’t hungry.
-
He wasn’t sure how long he’d been asleep when he was finally jostled awake. He blinked, once, twice, eyes having a hard time adjusting to the brightness of day.
When he lifted his head, he was met with the face of a girl about his age, dark hair and dark eyes. Unassuming. He was pretty sure he’d seen her around once or twice. They’d never talked.
“I thought you might, um.” She was wringing her hands nervously. Till shouldn’t care. He had given up caring about anything, especially whatever she was struggling to tell him.
He sniffed. “If you have nothing to say, please go away.” He just wanted to go back to sleep. Sleeping was the only time he didn’t feel completely hopeless. At least in his dreams, he wasn’t alone.
“I know we haven’t talked much or anything,” she continued, speaking just a little too fast, “but I thought you might want to see this. You, um. You were close to him, right?”
She didn’t say his name. She didn’t need to.
Till didn’t even bother answering. He just blankly stared at her. Apparently, that was answer enough.
“You really need come see this,” she said again, this time with more urgency.
Till frowned. He should just ignore her. He didn’t want to entertain whatever game she was playing.
“I’m serious,” she was fidgeting again. “Please.”
He could’ve ignored her, but he didn’t. Even now, he supposed his curiosity had a way of getting the better of him. Standing up, he winced when his back cracked and his knees popped.
She smartly didn’t say anything and just led the way. Till followed slowly. It was only when she stopped abruptly that he finally looked up, barely avoiding running into her.
“Hey,” he barked. “Watch it!”
She stepped to the side, opening her mouth, probably to retort, but he couldn’t hear anything over the rushing in his ears.
There, in the middle of a small crowd, was Ivan.
He didn’t even know what to focus on first – his hair, brushed back with a small clip on the side to keep it out of his face. His clothes, pure white and pristine. The smile on his face, warm and sweet.
But none of that mattered, really. Nothing mattered but the fact Ivan was here.
Ivan was alive.
Till didn’t even wait to see if the girl had anything else to say; he rushed past her and joined the crowd, pushing people out of the way. Some of them glared at him, some yelled, but he didn’t care.
He needed to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. He needed to know Ivan was real.
When he finally reached the center of the crowd, he let out a shaky breath and just stared. Ivan was really there, standing right in front of him with a confused tilt of his head and an unnervingly polite smile.
Then Ivan opened his mouth and asked possibly the dumbest question he could:
“Are you okay?”
Till felt anger rush to the forefront of his many conflicting emotions, red hot and burning. “Am I okay?” he repeated in disbelief, and suddenly grabbed the collar of Ivan’s shirt. Ivan blinked, but didn’t move to stop him. “You seriously think you can do all that and then just ask me if I’m okay?”
Ivan stared back at him with a familiar blankness before suddenly he was smiling, soft and kind, “I’m sorry,” he said, and Till couldn’t remember ever hearing him apologize, before. “I don’t know what I did but I assure you I didn’t meant to upset you.”
He reached up and gently touched Till’s hands, still clutching his collar.
“If you would let go, maybe we can go somewhere private and talk.”
Till blinked, once, twice, before suddenly letting go like he’d been burned, his hands curling into fists at his sides “You don’t know what you did?” he repeated, slowly, icily. “Is this some kind of sick joke to you?”
His heart was thumping in his chest too fast, too hard. He felt like he was struggling to breathe.
“I really don’t,” Ivan replied softly. It was unnerving, hearing him talk like that. “But I’m assuming I did something to hurt you, and if I did, I really am sorry.”
Till bristled, fists tightening. He could feel something wet in both palms of his hands; blood, maybe, from where his nails were digging too deep.
“You really don’t remember?” he asked, terrified of the answer.
Ivan smiled again; it was too sweet. “I’m afraid I don’t.”
“Okay.” Till swallowed, forced his hands to relax at his sides. “Okay.”
Without waiting for any kind of response, he turned and ran.
-
For a while, he isolated himself and just tried to figure out what had happened. Maybe some kind of head trauma? That would’ve explained the memory loss, maybe, but Ivan was acting like a completely different person.
Before he had seen Ivan again - before he had gotten confirmation he was still alive - he had gone over all the things he wanted to say to him, good and bad.
Now he couldn’t bring himself to say any of it. He avoided even crossing paths with Ivan for the first few days but then he realized something:
Ivan was avoiding him too. Not on purpose, it seemed, but somehow that realization was even more terrifying.
He used to do anything to get his attention - steal his things just to return them, start trivial fights, ask him to teach him about music (he never paid attention). Now he barely looked in his direction most days, too distracted with the handful of other contestants who were seemingly glued to his side.
Before, he hadn’t had any friends. Not for a lacking of trying - many people wanted to be friends with Ivan - but he had never even bothered trying to act interested.
Eventually they had stopped trying, of course, but now that had changed. It was like people could smell he was different, and they were right.
To make matters even worse, Till had overheard a few of Ivan’s conversations with some of the contestants. He wasn’t sure if Ivan meant it but when they would flirt, fluttering their eyelashes, pouting a little, Ivan would seem interested, smiling coyly.
That was possibly the most obvious sign something was very, very wrong.
Ivan didn’t do friends - not beyond what championship he had been able to forge with Till and Mizi, possibly Sua (before) - but he certainly hadn’t flirted with others.
He hadn’t even flirted with Till prior to their round, despite seemingly having some kind of feelings for him. Or maybe he had, but in unconventional ways. He certainly hadn’t been obvious about it.
(He wanted to talk to him - the real Ivan - understand what he really felt, but now he couldn’t. The Ivan of now apparently felt nothing for him.)
Could a head trauma do that? Till wasn’t educated in that kind of stuff; some of the others were, the way he was interested in music, but even they hadn’t had many chances to explore it with their limited resources. So when he asked, they simply apologized and said, honestly, “I don’t know. Maybe?”
He was grateful for the honesty but it had brought him no closer to figuring out what was going on, or how to reverse it (if that was even possible. He really hoped it was possible.)
-
Till finally reached a breaking point after Ivan won round 7.
(Since nobody had expected him to survive, and it was unprecedented, they had decided to add two new contestants to the lineup; one to go up against Till and one to go up against Ivan, extending the season to 9 rounds overall. The finale would make history as - for the first time - three contestants would go up against each other at once. Till really didn’t care about dissecting what that meant for them, in the future.)
Obviously he was glad he had won - he had been watching the broadcast with bated breath - but he had won by singing a new piece. Till felt an odd sense of comfort, hearing his voice again (maybe the only thing that hadn’t changed) but then he had started to pay closer attention to the lyrics.
And it was wrong. All wrong. Since when did Ivan sing of birds flying through clear blue skies, free and fearless? Of requited love, sweet and true?
It might’ve been his voice, but those weren’t his words. Something was wrong. Ivan was here, but he wasn’t.
Then finally Till made a realization. It was a working theory, of course, but at least it was a start.
-
It started with Till watching Ivan even closer (something he didn’t think was possible). He started to slowly notice other details that were wrong.
Just little things. Things that might not have been noticeable to other people. Like the way Ivan’s laugh was a little off (slightly too high-pitched compared to before). The way his eyes were brighter, now, but somehow lacking life at the same time.
Till realized he reminded him of a doll. Too happy. Too polite. Even Mizi - sweet as she was - hadn’t been nearly as perfect. It was unnerving.
Once - still testing his theory - Till had even spilled his soup on him during dinnertime. Just to see. Ivan had barely spared him a glance, a polite smile. “Don’t worry,” he had said before disappearing to change.
He returned with another white shirt. Laughed with everyone else at a joke that was objectively not funny.
That was when Till was certain he was on the right track. They had done something to him. It wasn’t surprising, in a way. They had experimented on Till many times before, after all, but this was different. This was Ivan; the pride and joy of the season.
It was risky to mess with him, but he supposed if it was that or his death, the aliens had weighed their options and decided this was the better outcome.
And truthfully, it had worked out for them. Ivan had gotten even more support than ever after his latest round; brands were lining up to work with him, he had a new interview being published almost every week.
But Till wouldn’t be so easily satisfied. Even if this Ivan was easier to deal with. Even if he smiled more. Till missed tussling and rolling around in the grass with him. He even missed the times Ivan would steal his things just to return them a few days later.
He missed Ivan, his friend, and possibly something more, one day. He still wasn’t sure; wouldn’t be until they could actually talk about what had happened on that stage. But either way, he would find a way to snap him out of this.
-
Easier said than done. Now it was hard to even get a moment alone with Ivan, seeing as he was always surrounded by people.
Finally Till did what he had to do (and he wasn’t exactly proud of it): he pretended to be hurt, and Ivan - this new version of him, at least - couldn’t resist the bait. He helped him to his room and stood there, seemingly unsure of what to do next. Till pretended to massage his ankle.
“Thank you,” he said, and a part of him meant it.
Whether or not this was the Ivan he knew, he still didn’t like him looking so lost. It was jarring, compared to the easy confidence he usually carried himself with. Before and after. The confidence had always been the one consistent thing across both versions of him, although it had certainly manifested in different ways.
Ivan smiled then, looking more sure of himself. That smile - bright and full as it was - still didn’t manage to quite reach his eyes. Till knew this was it. He had to take this chance and find out a way to reverse whatever they had done to him, if that was possible.
(It had to be; he didn’t know what he would do if it wasn’t.)
For now he just had to keep him here with him, separated from all the others.
“Can you sit with me for a second?” he asked, and Ivan didn’t even hesitate before joining him on the bed that felt more like a concrete slab with a blanket over it.
He even sat politely, hands together in his lap, back a perfectly straight line. He was still smiling. “Did you need anything else?”
Till hesitated for a moment, mentally scrambling for an excuse to keep him here longer. “My ankle really hurts,” he blurted, “even worse than before.” He paused, biting his lip, still thinking. Then he thought of it, the perfect excuse. “Could you maybe look at it?”
“I’m not sure I’d be able to tell you anything,” he replied despite already moving to the floor. Till watched, heart pounding in his chest, as Ivan gently touched his ankle, lifting his foot a little.
He should’ve prepared a bit more, maybe, because his ankle was perfectly fine. No bruising, no cuts. Still he winced, frowning. “It’s sore,” he said, pointing to a random spot. “Around here.”
Ivan nodded, softly running his fingers over the spot with pursed lips.
Till knew he should’ve been thinking more, formulating a plan. He couldn’t just keep Ivan here forever looking at his ankle, and he was no closer to finding out what the aliens had done (or how to reverse it.)
Until he saw it:
A ring, perfectly discreet, around Ivan’s finger. It wasn’t quite silver but an odd hue that nearly blended into the color of Ivan’s skin. Like he - or someone - hadn’t wanted others to notice it.
Till felt his heart beating a little faster. There was no way, right? Surely it couldn’t have been that easy. All these weeks - all this pain - had been caused by a ring?
“Your finger,” he said, voice thick. He hoped Ivan wouldn’t notice; he didn’t, seemingly, still focused on Till’s ankle. “Where did you get that ring?”
Now Ivan looked up. For a long moment he just stared before finally he blinked, once, glancing down at the ring around his finger. “It was a gift.”
Till nodded slowly. “From who?”
“I - ” Ivan stopped, eyebrows furrowing as he idly spun the ring around his finger. “I don’t quite remember, it seems.”
Till knew this was it. He was onto something. He slid off the bed to join Ivan on the floor; Ivan gasped, just a quick breath, gesturing at his ankle with eyes full of concern. Till didn’t know if it was real - his concern. He didn’t know what was real anymore but in this moment he liked to believe it was, as unfounded as it was.
“I’m okay,” he assured him. “I just, can I - ” How did he ask for this, he wasn’t really sure. Finally he gave up and just grabbed Ivan’s hand.
Ivan let him, even as his eyebrows furrowed again, watching as Till gently turned his hand in a few different directions. It was a simple ring, no stone or decorations. It was loose enough for Ivan to spin it around his finger with ease, but too tight to fall off by any accident.
“Do you mind…?” he asked as his fingertips brushed the ring. Surely it wouldn’t be so easy, but it was still worth a try.
Ivan blinked; there was something lost in his gaze, almost like he wasn’t quite seeing. Then suddenly he was pushing Till back with enough force he yelped as his back hit the edge of his bed.
“Don’t touch me,” he said, icily, as he stood and turned toward the door.
It was all wrong. The Ivan that had been, here, for the last few weeks would’ve never reacted like that. So aggressive and cold. That was when Till knew there was no other option: that ring had to go. Whatever was going on, it was clear the aliens had put in some kind of safety measure to keep Ivan from letting anyone take it off.
Whether or not it would magically fix everything was unimportant. It was a start, at least. Till scrambled back to his feet and grabbed Ivan by the arm, yanking as hard as he could. Ivan stumbled, for just a second, but it was enough for Till to get the upper hand he needed.
He spun them around and pushed Ivan onto his bed; he fell with a huff. Before he could fully recover, Till was on top of him, pinning his arms down by his sides. Ivan had always been stronger than him but thankfully with the element of surprise and whatever adrenaline was coursing through his veins it seemed he had managed to subdue him.
“What are you doing?” Ivan asked; his voice no longer had that icy coolness to it, but he was obviously still not happy.
Till squeezed his wrists, hard. “I know you don’t remember me or - or what happened,” flashes of that night on the stage, painful and sharp, played through his mind, “but I know you cared about me and I don’t know if you knew at the time how much I cared about you too.”
Ivan just stared up at him, unblinking. Till took a shaky breath.
“I wish I had let you known, before that night.” His eyes burned but he forced the urge to cry back, swallowing thickly. He needed to focus right now. “Maybe if you had, you wouldn’t have done what you did. Maybe we could’ve found another way. You had always been the smartest out of any of us. If anyone could’ve done it, it was you.”
Ivan finally blinked, his mouth pressing together into a thin line. Till couldn’t spend too long wondering if any of this was getting through to him. He just had to keep talking.
“Instead you felt like the only way to save me was through sacrificing yourself, and - ” It was too late; his eyes watered, blurring his vision just a little. “I was so mad at you, at first. I was so angry I was sick. You - ” Till paused, shaking his head, hard. “You had no right to do that. To decide for me what I needed.”
He paused, took another shaky breath. Ivan still didn’t say anything.
“I missed you so much, Ivan,” his voice wavered with each word. “I thought I was never going to see you again and I was so numb. I realized I cared about you, more than I ever realized and - and you weren’t even here for me when I needed you the most.” He sniffed, squeezing his wrists even tighter. “You selfish asshole.”
Finally Ivan opened his mouth to say something. His eyes looked shiny, glistening. Till didn’t even bother waiting to see what he had to say; he surged down and slammed their lips together so hard their teeth clanked together, sending a jolt of pain through his jaw.
Ivan made a small noise in the back of his throat. Surprise, maybe. Till used the moment to let go of his wrist and feel for the ring; as soon as he found it, he yanked it off without hesitation and threw it across the room. He heard the distant clattering and then Ivan was kissing him back with fervor, taking his face in his hands.
Till felt something warm in his chest - hope - as he shifted, deepening the kiss. He was almost afraid to stop, afraid that he’d been wrong and nothing would be changed. Afraid he was kissing a stranger, not the Ivan he knew and desperately needed back.
But finally he had no choice; he pulled back and stared down at Ivan, eyes half-lidded, mouth wet and swollen from the aggressive kissing.
“Please,” he whispered. “Please say something.”
Ivan blinked, some clarity seeming to return to his eyes. His tongue poked out, licking at the corner of his mouth where there was just the smallest spot of blood, probably Till’s fault.
“I’m sorry,” he said, and for a moment Till felt the world stop. He had failed. But then Ivan’s hands were at his sides, holding on gently. “I never even considered how you would feel.”
Till sniffed, waited. Didn’t want to get his hopes up too much.
“I can’t even lie and say I thought you wouldn’t care.” Ivan smiled, a small thing. It was nothing like the fake smiles he’d been giving for weeks now. “Because you’re you, and you care more than you let on.”
He didn’t even realize he was shaking until Ivan smoothed a hand down his back, trying to calm him.
“But one of us had to die up there, didn’t they?” Ivan’s hand stopped, low on his back. He let out a soft sigh. “And it couldn’t be you. I couldn’t let that happen.”
Till swallowed around the lump in his throat, almost too big to breathe. “You kissed me,” he said. It wasn’t an accusation, just a quiet acknowledgment. “You asshole, you kissed me and then left me here to try and pick up all the pieces by myself.”
He wasn’t really angry.
“And you just kissed me,” Ivan said, slowly. “Good way to distract me, hm?”
Till couldn’t do this. He couldn’t let things go unsaid between them, not after everything. What if something happened again? What if this was his only chance?
“I did use it as a distraction,” he admitted, but then, “I’d been thinking about it for a while.”
Ivan’s hand twitched against his back. “You had this plan for that long?”
“No,” Till answered truthfully before leaning down a little; their noses were only a couple inches from touching. “You should’ve told me, Ivan. Given me a chance to decide what I really wanted.”
Ivan stared back at him, unwavering. “You wouldn’t have chosen me,” he said with a confidence that sent a pang through Till’s chest, and maybe he would’ve been right, once upon a time, but things were so different now.
They could never go back and change the past, as much as Till wanted to, but the least he could do was be honest with himself moving forward.
“Maybe not back then,” he admitted, because he wasn’t fond of lying and it felt important to be honest here. “But I’m not the person I was back then, am I?”
Ivan gazed up at him with an intensity that made him shiver. “No,” he agreed. “I suppose you aren’t. Because you never would’ve gone through this much trouble for me, before.”
“I always cared about you, Ivan,” he replied, softening his voice, needing him to hear it. “I think I just didn’t know how much.”
Ivan opened his mouth, closed it. Till didn’t know what he was going to say, but that was okay. He wouldn’t push it. They had a lot to figure out over the next few hours - like how they were going to hide Ivan breaking through whatever the aliens had done to him, or if they even could hide it because Till didn’t want to risk putting the ring back on, or even where they stood as friends or more - but for now none of that mattered.
Ivan was back, he was here with him, gazing up at him like he used to, when he used to think Till was never looking (and he wasn’t, most of the time, but not all the time.) And Till knew he would do anything to ensure he never left him again.
#alnst#ivantill#alien stage#ivantill fic#alnst till#alnst ivan#mywriting#thank u op for giving me permission to use this idea#bc this is my fav ivantill fic i've written yet
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Back Together Again
For once, Coriolanus is home before Soarynn.
It’s unusual and he doesn’t quite know how to feel about it. She’s at a dinner with some of her friends and his meeting was shorter than he had originally planned for so here he is, nursing a glass of whiskey while waiting for the love of his life to return.
The penthouse is so quiet without Soarynn in it. Normally, it’s filled with music and laughter. She often sings out loud or talks to her cat Petunia, who she claims can understand her. But it’s quiet.
He checks his watch again for the tenth time within five minutes and sighs. Is this how she feels all the time? Soarynn doesn’t work, he’s seen to it that she’s well taken care of but that leaves her with a lot of free time on her hands and most of it she spends shopping, going out with friends and taking care of his ancestral penthouse. She does however, spend a good amount of time waiting for him to come home every night.
Coriolanus eyes the cat sitting on the armchair across from him. Petunia’s tail flicks back and forth as the two sit in a comfortable silence. Both waiting for Soarynn. Then, they hear it. The sound of the front doors unlocking. Petunia jumps off the chair and bounds down the hallway to greet Soarynn whereas Coriolanus takes the more reserved route and simply waits. She’ll come to him like she always does.
But she doesn’t. He can hear her make her way inside and close the door. He doesn’t hear any greetings for the cat which he smugly notes but it’s so…quiet. He listens to the sound of Soarynn’s heels on the hardwood floor as they walk down the hall but she never makes it to the living room.
Coriolanus furrows his brows. Has something happened? Is she upset with him? His worries persist when Petunia comes back into the living room, her tail lowered in defeat.
Coriolanus pushes himself from the sofa and makes his way to their bedroom where Soarynn has most likely gone to. He’s proven correct when he finds the closet light on and catches a glimpse of Soarynn throwing her heels towards the other side, a childish act that he is not too fond of seeing from his girlfriend. Especially because he bought her those shoes and every fucking thing in that closet.
He also notes her expensive handbag carelessly lying on the floor as well. Coriolanus strides across the room and knocks on the closet’s doorframe before entering and finds Soarynn sitting on one of the ottomans they have in the closet. She’s hunched over as she fusses with the tights she wore tonight, trying to pull them off and not paying him any mind.
Coriolanus clenches his jaw and clears his throat, “Is there a reason as to why you failed to greet me when you arrived home?” Soarynn would often wait right in front of the doors when he got home, not wanting to wait a moment longer to see him again. This behavior is the complete opposite of what he’s used to receiving from his girlfriend and he doesn’t like it one bit.
Soarynn mumbles something incoherent and Coriolanus raises his eyebrows, “Excuse me?” Soarynn snaps her head up and he’s finally granted a few of his girlfriend’s face. Her eyes are red and filled with tears and a bit of her mascara has run down her face as well, “I said it’s none of your fucking business,” she snaps, so much anger in her tone.
Coriolanus is taken back both by the tears and the snippy attitude which he does not appreciate one bit. Soarynn is normally polite and sweet. This is not the girl he’s grown to love.
Coriolanus grabs her chin, squeezing it between his thumb and index finger, “Say that one more time,”he challenges, his tone sharp. Soarynn jerks away from his hold and stands up, slightly unsteady on her feet which means she had something to drink at dinner. “Just leave me alone,” she huffs as she brushes past him and into the bedroom. Coriolanus is right behind her and he reaches for her arm, wrapping his long fingers around it.
“Have you forgotten all your manners or are you just trying to piss me off?” He asks, pulling on her arm. Soarynn whips her head around and he can see fresh tears falling from her face, “It doesn’t fucking matter so just let me go,” she says, her voice trembling. He’s more concerned than upset at the moment but when Soarynn attempts to break free from his grip, it all goes downhill.
She succeeds in pulling away from his grasp but the alcohol in her system has stunted her senses and her foot catches under the rug they have laid out on the bedroom floor. It’s within five seconds that Soarynn is hitting the hard floor with a loud bang. Coriolanus flinches and quickly reaches down to check on her and her shaking form. He rests and hand on her back and Soarynn lets out a whimper, “I…” Her voice dies off, “I just want today to be over,” she whispers.
Coriolanus furrows his brows at her words. “What happened tonight? Did someone hurt you? Try to touch you?” He can already feel his blood boiling at the thought of another man trying to hurt his precious girlfriend.
Soarynn slowly sits up on her knees and shakes her head, “No one touched me,” she whispers. Coriolanus withdraws his hand from her back in exchange for making his way around her so that he can look her in the eye. He kneels down until they’re almost at eye level with one another, even on his knees he’s taller than Soarynn.
Her eyes are trained on the floor, tears falling onto the rug. He ever so carefully reaches out to cup her face with his hand, being oh-so gentle while doing so.
“Darling, what’s wrong?”
Soarynn sniffles and shakes her head, “It’s nothing of importance.” It probably isn’t. It’s probably about something silly and something that would never bother Coriolanus. But it’s bothering Soarynn which means it’s bothering him.
“Tell me,” he gently urges, his heart clenching at the sight of his girlfriend upset. Soarynn wipes a tear and takes in a shaky breath, “Clemmie said some things and…” Her bottom lip trembles and he knows she’s about to start crying, “And I don’t think she’s ever going to talk to me again,” Soarynn gasps, her entire body shaking as she begins to sob.
Coriolanus wishes he could take every bit of pain away from Soarynn, who’s already been through so much already. He doesn’t hesitate to pull her into his embrace, wrapping his arms around her small frame as she sits on his lap, crying into his shoulder. “She hates me,” Soarynn cries in between sobs, “she absolutely hates me.”
Coriolanus highly doubts that Clemensia hates Soarynn, especially because the girl is somewhat easy to piss off and often gets into arguments with everyone. It’s a miracle that she and Soarynn haven’t already gotten into some sort of disagreement.
But it’s clearly weighing on Soarynn’s heart. Coriolanus knows how much she values all her relationships and how devastated she can get when faced with a fight. Soarynn doesn’t like arguing, she’d rather apologize and move on with things whereas Clemensia can hold a nasty grudge.
Coriolanus grows more worried though as Soarynn struggles to breathe, her breaths growing more and more erratic. “Soarynn,” he says softly, “Soarynn look at me.” Soarynn lifts her head and his heart shatters into a million pieces at the sight of his girlfriend’s teary eyed complexion. The tears aren’t slowing down and neither is her breathing.
Is this a panic attack? Does she need to lie down? Should he call the doctor?
He pushes all those questions to the side and simply focuses on her. He rubs soothing circles on her back and takes her hand in his other hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.
“Just breathe,” he instructs, “in and out darling. In and out.” He does the breathing exercises with her, both of them taking in a deep breath and holding it before slowly pushing it out. “That’s it,” he praises, “you’re doing so well my love.”
The tears haven’t ceased but her breathing is much better and he’s no longer considering medical assistance. He wipes away a few tears before resting his forehead against hers. “It’s all going to be okay Soarynn. She’ll come around, I promise.” Soarynn scoffs and shakes her head, “I fear that she’s quite upset with me, and I’m rather upset with her as well.”
He doesn’t ask what the fight was about. Not now, when clearly anything can trigger her into another spiral. Right now he needs to do damage control, calm her down, get her some rest.
He presses a soft kiss to her forehead before cupping her face with both his hands, cradling it whilst rubbing under her eyes with his thumbs. “I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I saw you weren’t being your normal self and yet I attacked you before making sure you were alright,” he says, the guilt already eating away at him.
Since dating Soarynn, Coriolanus has found himself to be a better man. More patient and kind. The old him attacked first and asked questions later. He acted like that version of himself tonight, attacking his girlfriend before finding the root of the problem. Soarynn sniffles and shrugs, “It’s alright. I…I should’ve told you right when I got home.”
Coriolanus shakes his head and gently presses his fingers into the soft skin of her face, his eyes looking into her with such deep conviction, “It’s not alright Soarynn,” he insists, “I should’ve gone about it in a completely different way and yet I’ve hurt you even more in the process.” Soarynn looks down at her lap and sighs, “I forgive you Coryo. Tonight has been horrible for both of us.”
He can agree with that. He still wishes he could do more to help with the ache in her heart. “Is there anything I can do?” He asks softly. Soarynn bites her lip, “I think I just want to take a bath and go to bed.” He nods, he can do that. “Of course darling.”
꧁ ꧂
With Soarynn safely tucked in bed next to him, Coriolanus feels much better already.
She’s fast asleep in his arms, tonight’s events had taken a massive toll on her. He’d bathed her with her favorite soaps and washed her hair. Then he brought her a dessert that was undoubtedly her favorite, chocolate covered strawberries. Petunia finally proved herself useful and cuddled with Soarynn for a good half hour and the two of them seemed to help improve each other’s moods significantly.
He watches her as she sleeps. She looks so beautiful. Tonight was a painful reminder of how nasty he can get, what he’s capable of. There’s some things he knows he could never be capable of. Harming her is the main thing. Hitting Soarynn is completely out of the question. How could he harm the love of his life with his hands?
He’d turn himself into the authorities if he ever stooped so low.
Tomorrow they’ll talk about it more, what led to the fight between the girls, how to make amends. Then he’ll take her shopping and spoil her the way she deserves to be spoiled.
And should something like this ever occur again, he’ll know how the put the pieces back together again.
| tumble oneshot/drabble |
#coriolanus fanfiction#slaymitchabernathy#coriolanus snow#hunger games#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#the hunger games#coriolanus smut#ao3 fanfic#wattpad#soarynn snow#coriolanus x soarynn#coryo snow#staywithmealways#soarynn nightingale#coriolanus x oc#coriolanus drabble#coriolanus oneshot#coriolanus imagine#coriolanus fic#original character#coriolanus x original character#oneshot#oc#drabble
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So blahblahblah, Kishimoto was clearly writing Naruto as he was going. Like as soon as the audience leaned something about the world, Kishimoto also learned that thing.
But like, he clearly doesn't understand how humans interact with eachother, and its shown in the introduction scene. Because who is this scene for?
Its not for the characters. Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke have been in the same class for 6-7 years at this point. They don't need to introduce themselves to eachother. They dont learn anything about Kakashi.
Its not for the audience. We were already introduced to Team Seven in the previous chapter. We know who Naruto is, and what he wants. We know who Sakura is, and what she wants. We know who Sasuke is, but not really what he wants. We don't know who Kakashi is, and we don't learn that here.
Kakashi barley learns anything about them. Besides the fact Sakura is a normal pre-teen. Naruto likes ramen. Sauske still isn't over his family's massacre. Which is all no-shit things.
The only thing the audience gets introduced to is the idea of Sasuke's goal.
Which while Kakashi seems to know who hes talking about neither Naruto or Sakura do. That borders on being a plot hole, because Sasuke would have gone to class the day after the worst day of his life. The massacre happened 5 years ago. These people went from having a bunch of Uchiha Police Officers walking around to Zero.
You're telling me Sasuke went around keeping his one person murder list to himself for 5 years?
It doesn't introduce the idea of team work. Its almost a waste of half a chapter.
Honestly this day for them(I'm guessing the times):
- 9am go to school
- 9:15 Sasuke and Naruto kiss.
- 10-12 get teamed up
- 12-1 Crazy Lunch Adventure(Hokage and Kakashi break into Naruto's house for a casual conversation)
- 1-2 wait for their teacher
- 2pm, have a 15 minute conversation with their new teacher/squad leader
- Go Home
This whole day could have been an email.
Then we get the tidbit that their school already went over survival training. We know they had combat training. And jutsu training. But during their test, and future missions, we see almost none of that training in action. These kids should have spent the last 7 years of their lives going to a school together to learn how to do this job. They should be familiar with a lot of things, but especially working on 3 man teams.
But we get to another plot hole/world building issue, which is even thoguh this seems to be the standard in their training. The kids were suprised to learn they were going into 3 man teams.
You can also see this with the Chunin Exam, where even thoguh this is a yearly exam that brings in Nobels to bet on child death matches, the kids entering them dont know what they are...
The Konoha Education System is leaving all of these children behind.
The only non distopian reason is technically Sakura doesn't come from a ninja family. So there are things that she wouldn't have easy access to. Even thoguh she was in the top 5 of their class. And Naruto and Sasuke had to rase themselves from young ages. So they have zero parental/adult guidance.
Still their school should have taught them basic things.
#I think the only thing he had somewhat planned since the beginning was the 4th Hokage is Naruto's dad thing#naruto#naruto shippuden#team seven#Kakashi#Sasuke#sakura#Lil drunk rn
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I know some people were caught off guard by Q!Cellbit's big reveal, but just a friendly reminder that he's not the only genius among the Brazilians, those guys ar ALL incredibly smart, it just doesn't seem like it because they're also huge dumbasses (affectionate).
QSMP spoilers below (tho they're more my reading of events than 100% facts and I'm really biased)
Forever knows Cellbit's whole federation loving bullshit is a con, he knew from day one, he can't prove it, but he mentioned it as a likely possibility multiple times, he's not mad at Cellbit for joining the federation, he's mad at Cellbit because he's being a jerk about it and threatening to change Richarlyson's custody agreement, he knows it's a con, but he's smart enough to be prepared for the off chance it isn't, and even when the truth gets revealed it doesn't mean all the hurtful things Cellbit said will be forgiven.
I'll be honest I don't watch Tazercraft that often, but on the first five minutes I tapped into their streams I heard Mike saying that this all must be a plan, them and Cellbit go way back, and while part of it might be wishful thinking they know this is not Cellbit the conspiracy maniac who was completely against the federation, they know there must be something else there, they considered the possibility of him going crazy, but they're also considering the idea of it all being planned.
Cellbit thinks he fooled everyone, but his friends saw through him almost immediately, they're pissed at him not because of the betrayal, but because he's being a jerk, they don't trust him enough to be certain of the whole infiltration plan, they're definitely wary of him, but it's less because they think he's a threat and more because they're afraid that whatever plan he has might backfire badly and he decided to bet on too high stakes in line without letting anyone else in.
#qsmp#qsmp spoilers#Anyways this is not a 100% serious analysis it's just me rambling about my little dumbasses#because I'm a bit tired of seeing my boys being treated as if they're 100% unaware of things happening around them#Like Forever is a genius of networking he gets people he's Smart and resourceful#he's as crazy as Cellbit but he knows that allies are a strength not a weakness#and Tazer and Craft (calling Pac and Mike that is the most genius thing) are literal scientists boys are smart#and they're not as unaware as people make them to be they're a bit aloof but they know what's going on#Also why are people acting as if they don't know about the custody fight?#Forever told basically Everyone and they were the first ones to know about it#Was it retconned or do people just not watch Forever and Tazer?#Also I don't talk about Felps on this but my boy is still the ghost haunting the narrative#his absence speaks for itself it's the hole that makes everything start to fall apart if he was there none of this would happen
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will says that el has a book of letters from him because he’s just pointing out that they kept in contact regularly whereas he and mike didn’t but somehow mike interprets that as if will was implying there should be something romantic between them too and it stumps will bc that’s not what he meant at all and he doesn’t realize yet why mike is actually so mad or who he’s mad at, and while we clown mike for being oblivious i think will is oblivious too bc this isn’t the first time mike’s done that and yet. will doesn’t question it. he never does and they never talk about it. he just continues with what he’s saying about how they used to be best friends. they never talk about the fact that when will fights to salvage their friendship mike talks about it as if it was more than what it was and as if continuing as they were would get between his relationship with eleven. which implies that he himself feels that their relationship is inappropriate if he wants to date eleven concurrently and explains why it’s the only friendship within the party that seriously falls apart and why will is the only party member that he completely changes his behavior n actions towards and why he’s the only party member that he no longer touches once he dates eleven. which again also explains why after they start dating it’s only when eleven isn’t around that he allows a softer, more open and present mike to reappear around will. it’s just like. why would he do any of that if he’s not projecting? will is literally the one with a canonically confirmed interest in him and yet he’s mad at the roller rink because will is ignoring him [or so he thought at that point]. he’s not mad that eleven lied. he’s not mad at what those bullies did to her. he’s mad that will didn’t talk to him. he’s so mad and hurt by will that he doesn’t even console his girlfriend who was encircled, taunted, and had a milkshake thrown on her all on tape. he stays by will’s side despite everything, even when she’s fidgeting and crying to the side of them. to top it off he even makes a passive aggressive bitchy little comment at dinner afterward because he’s still. mad. at. will. will is the one that ruined his day. not those bullies being cruel to el, but will. it clouds his vision so much that he can’t even pretend or begin to attempt to entertain the idea of being there for her when she so clearly needs him. how does anyone fucking watch any of that and not get what’s going on. HOW????
#byler#YOUR GIRL JUST GOT BULLIED SEVERELY AND YET YOU'RE MAD AT THE BOY WHO USED TO BE YOUR BEST FRIEND?#WILL IS SAYING THAT YOU NEVER TALKED TO HIM AND SOMEHOW YOU THINK HE'S SAYING YOU NEED TO TREAT HIM LIKE#YOU TREAT ELEVEN? SOMEHOW YOU THINK HE'S TALKING ABOUT WANTING MORE THAN JUST FRIENDSHIP?#WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN THINKING IT YOURSELF... WHEN WILL HAS NEVER ONCE MADE A MOVE ON HIM#OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT.........#MAKE IT MAKE HETEROSEXUAL SENSE IT JUST DOESN'T IT DOESN'T IT DOESN'T IT DOESN'T 🤯🤯#will NEVER implies anything romantic between them he NEVER does and yet MIKE the one with a girlfriend is the one that ALWAYS#ALWAYS ALWAYS MAKES THAT THE TOPIC OF THEIR CONVERSATION! he's the one that brings it up! he's the one that rejects will#when will isn't even making any kind of offer!!!!!!!!!#why would he do that if that isn't something that he feels! that he thinks about! that he's projecting onto will!#this is such a clusterfuck this is liek . this shit is more complicated than the fucking vecna plot at this point tbh#none of them know where the other is they're literally all in different fucking worlds my GODDDDDDDD#will is oblivious. and if he let himself realize what mike is doing and actually face it he would put mike on the spot about it.#mike's friendship is more than enough for will. it's enough to just have mike in his life. meanwhile mike is the one that refuses to see it.#he refuses to let himself even consider it which is why he puts that onto will and refuses to face the world around him.#he doesn't want things to change. we knew that in season three and we ESPECIALLY know that now. jesus christ..#so much is happening in this show.#it's just insane to me tht mike has such a big heart and he cares abt the people he loves nd would protect them with his everything#and when el gets bullied like that.... he just... he's focused on will. because of-fucking-course he is. he's angry at will because#he doesn't want things to change but will's existence in his life will himself is enough to bring forth change in mike that he's scared#to accept. for whatever reason. because why is he constantly doing that? making things romantic? it's not will. it's HIM.#why can't you be his friend and continue to date eleven when you can do the same with everyone else? why is it JUST will?#why do you think that he's propositioning you whenever he talks to you about your friendship?#i'm telling you: it makes no heterosexual sense.#my thoughts#my posts
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no one can make u feel crazier than ur mother<3
#sometimes they’ll just say smith happened in a conversation that. didn’t at all happen. none of those words were said#but if ur like actually that did not happen i did not do that it’s like u’ve personally disrespected their entire existence#and then u go ‘u didn’t have to go about the situation like that and make it smth it wasn’t’#and then they’ll say smth like ‘i should just never say a word to u ever about anything i should just keep my mouth shut is that it??’#like. no. who said that. what is going on here#and then they’re like ‘ur just mad about (thing that the conversation stopped being about 20 mins ago)’#no ma’am. i’m not even mad. i’m boggled that u are mad. we are not experiencing the same situation#and it always ends with them being so hurt for NO reason saying u don’t respect me u always invalidate me idk what to do#u just need to have a better schedule and sleep more and eat different and do more school and do more work u don’t care abt doing anything#like HELLO why are we talking about this now. how did we even get here#i love my mother but why do they all do that. u all know what i mean.#and then u have to flip it around and make them feel better. an impossible task. when ur the one who got freaked out on for no reason#if it goes too far she’ll come and apologise after but in the meantime….. real fun times. i love micromanaging.
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Have to thank my partner for realizing before I did that talking about kids with people makes me extremely dysphoric --- whereas I thought I just had a problem and hated children or something lol
#you can't really start a sentence with 'i don't hate children--' though.#do i... like them..? ehh they're fine on their own. i just don't like to be around them for very long. they freak me out.#but mostly it's parents who freak me out. or people who aren't parents yet but kids are all they talk about#(cough) my sister-in-law.#it's not ALL she talks about but she does happen to bring children up an awful lot around me. and uhh i have bad news for her.#anyway i feel like the worst person on earth but my gut reaction when i hear people talking about kids is to just get pissed off#or roll my eyes or want to leave the conversation STAT. like my flight instinct takes over.#so it was my partner who figured out that these conversations activate my dysphoria like a nuclear bomb.#dysphoria has manifested in the form of irritation for me this year. same with depression. i just feel angry and annoyed all the time#plus a bit of despair. and it gets more intense with every passing month.#my sister has decided to work in childcare and is doing a placement. she also updates me on every single thing she does in a day -#- down to how many times she shits. i wish i was kidding.#so i get a constant feed of what these random children did in a day (yesterday a girl showed my sister her poop lol)#and it would be funny and fine if it didn't make me want to jump out of my gd skin.#happens all the time at school too.#'whaaaaaaaat you don't want BAABIIEEES?? but you'd make such a good mom!!!'#ahaha No i would not thank you. jesus christ please no thank you. please.#i'm a father figure to a few of my friends and it's the best feeling in the world. that's all i need.#conversations like that always trap me. i feel like a fucking rabbit. stuck with all the aunties in the kitchen.#so i have to be a dick and not offer to clear the plates because none of the men are clearing the plates.#just........ Gender. UGH!!
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#i've been thinking and. it feels kind of unfair to me the fact that i dont have hs friends for smth they did to hurt me and#they dont rmbr. idk#it feels unfair to me the fact that in their eyes i just. disappeared out of their lives out of nowhere with NONE of them reaching out#and in my eyes they hurt me deeply bcs i realized they had a gc without me. like sure it happened years ago but that hurt me so deeply that#is a fear that i still live with. it was a fear i already had but. it happened once already. it can happen twice. it can happen repeatedly#and idk. idm ppl having gcs without me but. having without me SPECIFICALLY is a fear of mine that already happened once#and idk. it feels so unfair to me bcs. i will never get that back. i dont think i would want them back in my life but idk#those years were so fucking lonely bcs i was starting a new thing and i had NO ONE to go to when i felt lonely and all#i literally spent those first months in a new environment bcs i didnt have someone else to talk to and everything#and idk. it feels unfair to me and it feels so lonely bcs i see everyone else have those long lasting friendships having ppl they talk abt#the past with and i dont and its not something i will ever get bcs. i just dont have that and it feels so unfair to me#i dont rlly have big expectations when it comes to relationships bcs of many reasons so i didnt think they'd be around forever but#it still feels unfair to me bcs it wasn't life that made me leave but rather. smth i was deeply insecure about and . yeah#jo.txt
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#ya boi be fucking around and FINDING OUT.#do yall remember (no) that text post i made back in november saying i am so sexy and fast there will be no rammies from this#anyway high key still dealing with the rammies and next month doesnt look great either REGARDING : the rammies#anyone: oh hey a few times i saw u were dating someone but u dont really ever talk about it#yeah dude because of how good of an idea it was and how its going and the choices ive made and how good its been for my life#that whole thing started in january but it only happened because of my november stuff if ur following along#anyway im single and soon nobody will be living with me and i CANT get into it all its so messy and ive been so silly#getting thru this work day with grit and spite and protein shakes. someday ill be able to stomach food again haha#its just that what would be in my way if i didnt manually create several difficult roadblocks for myself in quick succession#i would have to learn to identify sources of road blocks that are not ME something i have prior to now not had a lot of experience with#(due to that 95% of the roadblocks are placed in advance by me)#anyway lakevida voice if i speak with fewer than 4 layers of metaphor a sniper will shoot me thru my hoop earring so this is all u get#unless u are my sister which none of u are#NOT sure which substances r hanging out in my system in what ratios at this moment due to the sort of choices ive been making in the last48#but my boss is ALSO doing about how i am and we're both like. we left the problems at the DOOR of the BUILDING.#now what we have are the SYMPTOMS of the PROBLEMS and we are going to treat them with MANIC COMPLAINING#its gotten us thru a full hour of work so far but if i make it to lunch without throwing up i think they might throw me a party#anyway expect 4 more of these in the next hour due to the previously referenced substances
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·.⌇ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒. thinking about true form!sukuna having a huge size kink (+ corruption kink).
word count. 2.6k
note. super self-indulgent. cant rlly blame me for creating this. also do you see those big ass hands in the header i used? yeah.. says enough (this sucks ass)
tags. dom heian era!sukuna x concubine!female reader. smut. porn with plot. size kink / size difference (reader gets referred to as ‘short’ & ‘small’). p in v -> unprotected. degradation. corruption kink (reader gets referred to as ‘naive’, 'shy' & innocent’-looking). tummy bulging. loss of virginity mention. hymen breaking mention. cervix fucking, ouch. lots of teasing. tiny bit of choking. tiny mention of blood tasting ? idk. hint at anal / double penetration. dirty talk. sukuna has two of everything btw mehehe. reader get called ‘woman, brat, slut, little'.
sukuna is intrigued by you. he’s always been, since the moment he’s laid his eyes upon you. your loyalty and devotion to him are two aspects that the king of curses likes most about you. .
. . after your innocence.
it nearly irked him. every time he saw you hanging around the estate without a single care in the world. sukuna would attempt to intimidate you with serious threats. he’d loom over your short stature and look down at you with a malicious glint in his eyes. though, none of it seemed to work.
you'd only bow your head at him and apologise if you’ve caused him any possible inconveniences. it annoyed the sorcerer. you weren’t trembling in fear like all the others would — it was like there was nothing going on in that head of yours. especially when you smile at him. which no one actually dares to do.
sukuna could crush you. with no effort. one big hand would be enough to pick your entire body up, lift you in the air and throw you around like a ragdoll. you don’t seem to fear the possibility of that happening, even when being faced with a pissed off sukuna.
it’s truly intriguing and amusing. that’s why sukuna kept you around every day — as a form of entertainment, he called it. one thing led to the other and you eventually ended up as one of his concubines. the king of curses himself decided to grant you that promotion.
why? because not only does your fragile body, reserved and polite personality and innocence secretly fascinate him — it also makes him crave you. crave to shatter that naivety of yours. to take that small body of yours and make it feel what it means to be overpowered by a man twice your size.
sukuna does not regret his decision to make you his concubine. the first night you spent together was one of the best nights he had ever had. in all his many years of living. not a single woman had ever succeeded in blowing his mind when it came to sex.
it was usually boring and repetitive for the sorcerer. he felt nothing for those women he’s had in bed before — it was solely for the fact of satisfying himself. though, that changed on the day you had given him your virginity.
he remembers every detail; from your little noises of both pain and pleasure, your tight and untouched pussy that bled faintly when the fat tip of his lower cock pushed through, your nails that dug into his arms and back, your thighs that he held to your chest, his large hands that could easily wrap around the fat of them, your aching cunt that was left spasming around air as it tried to keep his sticky cum stored in place.
sukuna didn’t think your tears would affect him as much. when he took your virginity and you whimpered in pain — he did feel a twinge of guilt. it was strange; he hadn’t felt that emotion before. he had stopped and wiped your tears away. roughly whispered some words of encouragement too.
he had never done so before. never. he had never told anyone how ‘good’ they were for him. how he’d be ‘careful’ to not make it hurt any more. the king of curses recalls vividly how slow he started with you. slow sex. instead of rough like he’s used to.
sukuna wasn’t chasing after his own pleasure in that moment like he’d usually have. his main priority was to make sure the girl below him was comfortable enough to continue. you’re strange. the things you make him do, say and feel are strange. and yet. . .
it was an amazing night. the best. however sukuna was left behind with an insatiable hunger for you. more, more, more. he can’t grasp it yet; why he longs for you. for those feelings he’s suddenly capable of experiencing during intimate moments.
it’s why he calls for you every night. no other concubine was needed after you were made one. the king of curses couldn’t care less about those other women. they are boring to him.
unlike you. the one he’s sure that he won’t ever get bored of.
“you can take me so well now,” sukuna breathes out. one of his cocks was inches deep inside you, bulbous tip painfully hitting your cervix. over the past few weeks, your body had learnt to adjust to him, your pussy molded to fit the shape of his dick.
sukuna looks down at you and his cocks twitch with the urge to release already. his heavy balls clenching. your fucked out state is adorable. you seemed so.. vulnerable underneath the big man, “what a fragile little thing.”
it almost sounded condescending. degrading. especially with sukuna’s lips being curled up into a mean grin, his sharp canines showing. there was a puddle of your cum forming underneath your hips — staining the sheets that the poor servants have to clean by tomorrow morning.
“p-please, fngh, ‘s too big,” you sputter out. no matter how many times you took sukuna in, your smaller body couldn’t quite fully accommodate to the girth of him. every time he hits your deepest parts, you let out a painful whimper.
sukuna kisses his teeth, though slows his thrusts a bit. the wet sounds of his cum and yours getting pushed in and out of your cunt with each move was too addicting. what sukuna loves most is the view of the skin of your lower abdomen swelling and stretching each time he pushes forward.
“i thought you said you’d take both of my cocks today, yet it seems like you can’t even handle one,” the king of curses sighs whilst belittling you. one set of hands is holding you down by your hips, the other set is fondling your stiff nipples and circling your sensitive clit, “what a pity. a real pity.”
you almost choke on your spit as all your sensitive spots were being fondled. sukuna’s thick fingers leave no place untouched as he increases the tempo again—his cock plunging in and out of your stretched hole. the upper one was twitching, rubbing against your clit and lower abdomen.
sukuna harshly grabs your jaw and makes you look up at him after he hears you apologise for making empty promises. he seems satisfied with you staying so polite. even when he’s practically rearranging your guts. the way you talk through your soft sobs and cries is endearing. makes him grin wickedly.
“i don’t want to break my favourite little concubine yet, you see,” sukuna continues. he lets out a grunt of pleasure when your pussy clenches around his thick cock. no matter how many times he fucks you dumb, you still remain as tight as the first time.
he takes in a deep breath. he’s trying his best not to pound you into the mattress. he’d fold you in half and probably break you like the fragile thing you are. he could snap you like a twig if he wasn’t careful, “. . .but you’re making it very difficult for me.”
you respond by apologising again. oh, how cute it was to see you babble and make up excuses. sukuna grits his teeth, jaw clenching as he resists the urge to go harder on you. you’re already squirming and moaning loudly just because he’s fucking you hard and deep—bruising your cervix and forcing your walls to open up to him.
“‘m sorry, wanna take both.” you hiccup and sniffle. tears ran down your cheeks from overstimulation. it felt so good yet so painful to be taken by the person you admire most. you didn’t want to displease him, so you uttered those hopeless yet needy sentences again.
sukuna stops his movements when you weakly ask him to use both of his cocks on you. he scoffs, not knowing where you gained the confidence from. he pulls out of your dripping cunt, leaving a trail of cum connecting both your genitalia.
“‘wanna take both,’ she says,” sukuna mocks you under his breath. it’s getting worse; he’s nearing the point of no return. especially with your desperate whines that were like music to his ears, “you’ll break, woman.”
two of his hands move to stroke along his lengths, smearing the mixture of body fluids all over them. his eyes glare down at your small form—already fucked out, yet aching to continue. needing the full experience for once.
you always turn from a shy girl to a complete slut whenever he has you in bed. sukuna loves it.
“i want to try at the very least,” you mutter. it’s true that you’re exhausted. you’re catching your breath now that you got the chance, tired eyes glancing up at sukuna’s enormous stature between your legs, his defined muscles and the tattoos on them glistening under the faint light of the oil lamp.
it got your pussy throbbing and clamping down around air. you felt a bit light headed and your head lolls back against the pillow, eyes glazed over as you try to seem determined. but your body was tired.
“yeah? how. . . cute,” sukuna grins. he knows you can’t. not today at least. he doesn’t mind if you aren’t capable of taking him fully since you’ve already pleased him well enough for now. though, he still can’t help but tease you—make it seem like he’s going to give you what you want, “all right. don’t say i didn’t warn you.”
your eyes widen and your fingers curl around the silky bedsheets beneath you in anticipation. your heart is pounding in your chest as you watch sukuna pump his two cocks a bit faster, squeezing the base a bit, leaking some pre.
it’s all just for show.
“i’m not stopping. even if you scream.” the king of curses warns you with a dangerous glint in his eyes. you gulp at the terrifying aura sukuna was emitting. one of his tips teases your entrance whilst the other probes and circles around your anus.
he threatens you again, testing if you’ll back down, “last chance. i’m not pulling out once i’m in, do y’hear me?”
you keep being stubborn until the very last second. sukuna’s deep voice that shook you to your core was not enough to make you change your mind. you were so desperate to fulfill his every need and make sure that he was satisfied. it made you the perfect woman in his eyes.
the king of curses is completely amused. he decides to take it up a notch. he pushes his lower cock against the tight ring of muscles, pressing and nearly allowing the tip to move in. the sudden increase in pressure is torturous. you surely wouldn’t be able to withstand the entire thing.
“w-wait!” you squeal in surprise and pain. the sting you felt made you snap back into reality. it’s when you realised that maybe you needed more time and experience to take both of sukuna’s dicks. you squirm your hips away, “can’t. i can’t.. hurts too much.”
sukuna nearly rolls his eyes once you finally give in. he shakes his head with a sigh, feigning disapproval and annoyance. he pulls his entire body away from yours—a ominous shadow casted over his eyes. it makes you think that he’s pissed off at you; for being unable to please him.
you panic a little. even if you are sure sukuna wouldn’t ever hurt you. you know he favours you over the other concubines. you don’t want to lose that position.
“i’m sorry.” you apologise before the sorcerer could say anything. he lets out a sharp breath, rough hands back on your body, kneading your flesh gently yet firmly. his eyes take in the view of you trembling.
it’s unreal. you are half his size—completely vulnerable underneath him. he’d normally call people like you weak and useless. wouldn’t feel a thing for them. but your naked body below his is a sight he wishes to see every night.
it turns sukuna on so much. the fact that you are helpless and don’t complain when you’re struggling to take one of his cocks gets him going each time.
“tsk. what’d i tell you?” sukuna grumbles. he slaps his lower cock firmly against your clit. your body responds by closing your thighs together, though the king of curses pries them apart again, “stop overestimating yourself, brat.”
he isn’t actually mad. it was expected—of course you couldn’t take both at once. he didn’t even prep your other hole enough. plus you are clearly still exhausted from the previous rounds. sukuna just likes to. . . test and take advantage of your devotion to him. your obedience and desires to please him.
it’s fascinating to see you squirm and apologise in that whiny voice of yours. it makes him grin from ear to ear. and it keeps things fun.
before you could mutter excuses again, sukuna stops you by leaning in. just when you thought you’d finally get to kiss him, he goes to bite down on your bottom lip. a moan slips out of your mouth which only spurs him on to bite down harder.
you could feel the devilish smirk on sukuna against your lip. his wet tongue cleans up the tiny drop of blood that escaped the wound. he lets out a low hum in approval at the taste. delicious as always.
“now, how should i punish my little concubine for being unable to keep her word?” sukuna whispers in a serious tone. it sends shivers down your spine, his hot breath traveling from your jaw to your right ear. he slowly licks your earlobe, “what do you say? any ideas?”
the tension in the room was palpable. your heart was stammering in your throat from the proximity between the two of you. you gather the courage to answer as sukuna’s fingers curl around your neck, squeezing your throat as if forcing the answer out of you.
“i-i’ll do anything, sir.” you reply through a shaky breath. the king of curses pulls back after he’s got a response from you. your eyes meet his and that’s when you know that you’ve either greatly pleased him or have given him the chance to go all out on you.
it’s probably both.
“anything, you say?” sukuna repeats slowly. without a warning, he effortlessly flips you over on your stomach, a set of hands pulling your ass up by your hips whilst the other set holds your upper body down on the mattress.
a harsh grip on the back of your head results into you whimpering. your face was mushed into a pillow, almost leaving no place to breathe. your back is placed in the perfect arch with your plump ass facing up. it’s one of sukuna’s favourite positions to do with you — especially because it makes you seem smaller than you already are.
“heh. i’ll make you regret saying that.” sukuna chuckles. a low, evil and wicked chuckle. that’s enough to make you realise that he was not going easy on you. your submission had greatly impressed the king of curses and he's taking advantage of it. again.
what would come next could be a reward for that said submission. he’s going to fuck your brains out and make you forget about everything else except for his dick. a night you won’t ever forget as long as you live—that’s a possibility.
or perhaps you’re going to be crying and begging him to go easy on you. a punishment for not being able to keep your promise. that could also happen.
anyway, you’re about to find out which one it is.
#sttoru writes.#jjk smut#jjk x reader#sukuna smut#sukuna x reader#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#sukuna x you#sukuna x y/n#female reader
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I didn't want to put it on the post I just reblogged cause I don't feel like it was the place, but. I would like to have gotten involved? I did go to their page and sign up for their newsletter so maybe if they do something else I can go, but it's just frustrating. I really do not like social media. Tumblr is the only one I use. But I do not know how to find local protests or organizers. I do not know where to look and it seems like everything is on instagram or facebook or twitter. I don't want to have to use more social media to be involved in my city. I can't just look up "community action in my area" on google.... that's not going to give me anything. My family is not at all involved in politics or local community at all outside of church so I have never learned how to do this. I don't know where to go to find people. And it's really frustrating.
#literally a few days ago when I saw the block the boat protests I wondered if something like that was going to happen at boeing#I wanted to do something. I Want to do something#I don't know how to find it though#I am on various email lists for anti-pipeline organizations and free palestine organizations#and. none of them are around me. none of them talk about things happening around me#I am assuming there have to be places I could go irl to find this sort of stuff#but I don't know where that is#idk if there are coffee shops or bookstores or something that have fliers??? community gardens or something?#but I don't know how to find those either#I have tried before. I don't know where or how to look#it feels like these sorts of organizations are very insular (which makes sense for safety reasons) but it makes it so difficult to try#and get involved when I'm not already part of that
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