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doesthatsuggestanythingtoyou · 1 year

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Enough

> lady lesso x fem!reader

> requested? yes!

> warnings: hair pulling, self-destruction

> a/n: ah, here it is. writing this had me feeling a little bit weighted. i've been feeling like this for the past month, and i thought january will be different lol. on a side note, i hope this is enough! i'm sorry if i took to long to write this.

Sleep, eat, and repeat. That's what you've been doing for the past weeks. You've been in a constant cycle of breathing, and not living. And this behavior greatly stressed you out. Seven years, you've been in the School for Evil for seven years, and in those seven years you've been the top student.

Yet now, you couldn't even look at yourself in the mirror. When you did, all you saw was a reflection of disappointment to those around you. So you chose to do what's best for you– be present.

“Hey.”

Humming, you opened your eyes and saw Anadil side eyeing you. You couldn't be bothered to be angry, you've been sleeping in class for heaven's sake.

“The class is done, be grateful that Professor Manley only discussed the most boring lesson in the history of Uglification.”

Standing up, you gathered your things and walked beside the four musketeers– Hort, Hester, Dot, and Anadil.

“And what, pray tell, is that lesson all about?”

“About how ugliness fight off possible relationships, thus making us focused on life and not a significant other.”

Smirking, you rolled your eyes at Anadil's statement. “Well, what's the next class? Henchmen Training?”

Your question made the four teenagers stop and look at you questioningly. “You don't know?”

“Know what?”

“Professor Castor is out for today, so we'll be having Curses and Death Traps for two hours.”

Groaning, you pursed your lips. “Why? Did he say anything?”

Shaking their heads, Hort and Dot grabbed you by the arms and dragged you towards the room... of evil itself.

•

“You cannot possibly be this bored!”

“This is below you.”

Scoffing, you rolled your eyes and glared at the girls. “Don't be absurd, Hester. Surely you've slept in class before.”

“Correction, I have slept in all of my classes except for Curses and Death Traps. You want to know why? Because I actually care for my own evil being.” Hester explained. To summarize, the girl was really concerned for you. You've actually grown on her a bit, but she won't tell you that. With you being the closest that evil has a chance of winning, you needed to focus on your classes, and with you sleeping in Lady Lesso's class? You were dead.

•

“You!”

Jumping from shock, you put a hand on your chest while looking up from a cane and meeting eyes that held amusement and resentment at the same time.

“Any improvements on that power of yours, darling?”

Gulping down the nervousness, you nodded your head and stood up. Flexing you arms and rolling up your sleeves, you focused on making any part of your arms in invisible. Being the daughter of Queen Mab, the nemesis of Merlin, you inherited her powers– photokinesis.

With bathed breaths, your classmates watched as you made your hands invisible before slumping down in defeat.

Lesso gave a hum of disappointment, “Hmm. A little backtracked, are we?”

You avoided eye contact and clenched your hands in defeat. You were a disappointment for her, for evil.

Closing your eyes, you sighed and decided to wait until class was over. Though, you didn't expect to be awoken by a sharp tug of your hair.

“Wake up, despicable.” A voice whispered near your ear. You could feel their breath and smell the cedarwood on them.

Pulling you up by the hair, Lesso pushed you forward and made you face her. “Care to tell me why you slept in my class? Do I bore you, darling?”

Pursuing you lips, you touched the hand still in your hair and pushed it to the owner. “No, Lady Lesso. I apologize for sleeping in your class.”

With your hands shaking, you took a deep breath to stop the tears from forming. You can't cry, not in front of evil itself.

Frowning, Lesso took in your figure. You're cheeks were sunken with bags under your eyes, your eyes glassy with tears.

Cupping your chin, she made you face her gently. You would've been surprised but the atmosphere of the room made it impossible for you to feel anything, except disappoinment.

“Take the week off, darling.”

Snapping your eyes to look at her own, you saw sincerity, concern, and a little bit of... care?

“What?”

“Take the week off. We don't want our best student to die because of the school curriculum.”

Tugging your arms, she dragged you out the classroom. “Do whatever you want, just come back sane.”

Stopping before closing the door, Lesso gave you a reassuring smile. “And remember, what you're doing is enough. There's no need to pressure yourself, love.”

Then the door closed before you could even comprehend what happened.

Smiling, you wiped the tears from your face and left with a single thought.

You were enough.

#lady lesso #leonora lesso #school for good and evil #lady lesso x reader #dean of evil #school for evil #leonora lesso x reader

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nostalgicamerica · 4 months

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My Weight-Loss Journey

Over the last three decades, despite a relatively active lifestyle, my weight has steadily increased a pound or two per year. I could see it was becoming a problem every morning in my foggy bathroom mirror.

I finally realized that I had to do something about it last fall when I walked out onto my porch one morning. The neighbor's kitten came over to say good morning and got caught up in my gravitational field and went into orbit around my waistline.

It was then I started looking into different diets. Keto, Caveman, high fat, low carb, lima bean, Atkins. Holy crap! The number of different diet choices were staggering. Greater still were the numbers of dieticians and nutritionists shrieking that this diet is best and only a booger-eater would choose that diet.

After a bit of cogitation, I started researching the Carnivore diet.

It sounded right up my alley: eating nothing but meat, cheese, eggs, and dairy products, and drinking water. And I could eat bacon. Basically, I could eat anything that is animal-based.

The bacon thing sold it for me.

The week before Thanksgiving 2023 I started my new diet plan. You might think that dieting during the holidays wasn't a grand idea, and you'd be right. Eating nothing but meat while watching my family chowing down on traditional holiday meals (turkey and all the fixings for Thanksgiving, and ham and all the fixings for Christmas) and stuffing their faces with cookies and candy and pie and everything else associated with the holidays was as much fun as stuffing a cactus up my rectum.

But I stuck to it.

To this point in my life I had never been disciplined about anything related to food, but somewhere along the way I found the strength to keep anything not indicated by the diet out of my pie hole. (except coffee - I'll be cold, dead, and buried before I stop drinking coffee.)

And the weight came off. 3,4,5 pounds a week. It seemed to literally melting off me. My initial goal was 50 pounds by the end of February and then I'd transition to something more sustainable.

It wasn't easy, at times, especially during the first 2 or 3 weeks. I bought some bite-size sugar free candy to take the edge off for the times when I was jonesing for sugar. And I ate a ton of bacon.

By Christmas Eve I had lost 20.5 pounds. By January's close I had dropped 34 pounds. On January 8th, 2024 I got out of the shower and looked down and saw my penis without a mirror for the first time since about 2003. Also, I could see a six-pack peeking from behind what remains of my belly fat. As of this writing I'm down 39 Pounds. I have a few more days to go, but I don't think I will hit 50. But that's okay.

On March 1st I will start introducing fruits and veggies and whole grains to my diet. I intend to stay away from cane sugar and continue drinking only water.

There have been some negatives along the way. 1. I now abhor the sight of steak. 2. My dog won't stop licking my legs. 3. I have had to go out and buy essentially a new wardrobe.

What I've learned - coupled with portion control - is that 90% of weight loss happens in the kitchen, and the plain fact that bacon makes everything better.

Even though I didn't meet my first goal of 50, I intend to keep going until I've met my ultimate goal of 60. I know I can do it by the end of this year.

I don't know if this will work for everyone; I only relate what I did and what happened. Overall I feel great, I am sleeping great, and my spousal unit says I look better than I have since the beginning of the Clinton administration, although she wants to buy a new car so she may be playing me...

There is enough info about the carnivore diet on the interweb-thingee so I won't add anything else except to say if I can do it, anyone can.

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starsh0cked · 4 months

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okay so. two things!! first of all, over the course of january (and the beginning of february) i participated in the kirby oc secret santa, which was wonderfully hosted by @/moonverc3x. i was lucky enough to be the santa for @/starflungwaddledee, and ended up with two of my best pieces so far!!

these were CHALLENGING, though. which is where the second thing comes in!! under the cut, i'll be going over some of the sketches, drafts and phases of either piece! there's also a speedpaint. exciting!!

i'll be starting with my starstruck piece! the theme here was wanderlust - literally one of the most whimsical words i know - and generally anything to do with the stars. i had a few things in mind, but considering how long it sometimes takes to make artwork, i decided to roll with what inspired me the most.

this is the final sketch compared to the final artwork. certainly one of the crazier transformations i've done. i had a mental image of most parts of the artwork, from the material of starstruck's bow to the lighting cast by the stars. everything except for the grass (i hate grass!!) i ended up rendering the grass and background first, anyway.

doing the background before the rest of the artwork helps define the lighting and shadows! if i decided to draw starstruck before the background, i'd have to draw it according to the lighting.

weird explanation, but in summary: background before character helps the character look like a part of the environment! character before background means extra steps need to be taken before the character fits in the environment!

starstruck's bow was also a decent challenge! i'm a fan of bows and satin, so a satin bow sounded like a good idea. it was, but i've never drawn satin before. the workaround was an active satin study! i stared at a satin bow i found on pinterest and tried to understand how light spread over the material. it's quite interesting!!

you might notice that i flipped the direction of the shooting stars. this is for composition reasons!! i wanted to make starstruck the obvious focus, and while the contrast between her warmer palette and the background's cooler palette easily achieve that, i wanted to cement it. i also added little hand drawn sparklies everywhere. because i like it.

of course, i have to talk about the eyes!! if anything, i noticed that in all of starflung's drawings of starstruck, she had really glittery eyes. literally adorable. so i made it my mission to capture her feelings in her eyes!! i had a lot of fun making them super shiny and adding little stars in there. i also needed to pay attention to the subtle gradient, though - they fade from blue to pink if you zoom into starflung's artworks - and decided to keep it vibrant.

okay. thats all for this one!! i'd like to mention that in the original sketch for this specific pose, bandee was in the background. i really regret scrapping that now. oh, well!

time for morpho dee! i'll be starting for with the speedpaint for this one, mainly because it sort of explains some of the process by itself.

i restarted the shading... three or four times at least? so yeah. i was losing it on this piece. i'll be completely honest, i contemplated dropping it for the sake of meeting the deadline. it wasn't stressing me out, but i had studies to worry about too, and i was worried that it wouldn't be of great quality? but after some advice from my beloved older sister, i managed to turn the tide!!

this is a first for me, but everything here was a challenge. if you scroll through my account and the few artworks i've posted, you'll notice that i draw gijinkas far more than orbs. now, you may be wondering why this didn't pose so much of an issue for my starstruck piece! it's mainly because i chose a far simpler pose for her than i did for morpho over here.

for morpho, the artwork needed to be dramatic. i draw cutesy things - while i've always wanted to draw something dramatic, i've never pushed myself to do it. until this artwork! i went for a dynamic pose which would (hopefully) pull the viewer's eye towards morpho dee. that's what's up with the foreshortned spear! i also realised that the plcement of his feet would be quite significant to the artwork. you might not know this, but feet are my greatest enemy. i'm still trying to figure out how best to draw them for people or orbs, but i'm getting there.

after 'lineart' (which really ended up being a cleaned sketch - this was supposed to be linelessly rendered, but i gave up on that) the pose was no longer a problem. because the shading was! hooray!!

nothing has quite bewildered me like metal shading has. i've shaded gold. satin. cotton, fluffy scarves, shiny things, grass. yet metal shading continues to elude me! this was, hands down, the most difficult part of this artwork. i struggled to make sense of how the lighting was supposed to work, even with references. and every time i thought it made sense, i ended up with something i didn't like the look of. the solution? long breaks, more references and pinterest tutorials. i have no clue how i managed this, but we got here anyways. i finished it off by colouring the lineart according to the shading.

i have experience with drawing fire, at least! it was three or four years ago in an old artwork, but i have experience! i simply had to figure out how to work it into the atmosphere. for the glow, i duplicated the layer, gaussian blurred it and used a slight glow layer! i did something similar for the durst particles, but i used motion blur instead.

i also want to talk about the spear a little bit. you might notice that i added a bit of ambient glow around the blue gem. that was with the light intensity in mind, but also for a sense of realism! i also had to keep the pink light in mind, though. so i ended up using an airbrush to create a base for the lighting and i continued from there. i added a few scratches on the handle just to give it a bit more life, too.

and, finally, a one-to-one comparison between the sketch and the final! i have literally no idea how i pulled either of these pieces off, but i'm quite proud of them.

i recommend you drop by @/kirbyoc-secretsanta for other artworks! a total of 75 artists participated, so there are plenty of super cool ocs to adore over there and new artists to find!! this was my first secret santa experience, and @/moonverc3x made an amazing host (thank you for hosting, by the way!!) bye bye!!

#kirby #digital art #starstruck dee #morpho dee #sorry to everyone who thought this was short. and sorry to everyone who reblogs this #it really wasn't supposed to be so long but i had a lot to talk about #i'm pretty sure i've covered everything though #but these were a thrill to make!!#i've always wanted to make fanart for starflung because her characters are so cool and unique #so i was hoping to get her in the santa and. somehow i did #yeah i screamed when that happened. heehee #but!! i'll probably try to participate in more events like this!! this was super fun!!#i literally cannot thank moon enough for being such a great host #i'm generally a nervous person when it comes to talking online but moon was quite warm and sociable!!#this was an exciting first time for me!!#glitter in my ink

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baronessblixen · 1 year

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Magical

Yesterday I remembered that I wanted to do the Year of the OTP event. Only took me all of January, eh? So here's the first story. I used the prompts kiss, fake dating and snow.

Set in late season 6, fluff. Wc: 1,144

Tagging @today-in-fic

At first, it was beautiful: A soft, white blanket of snow covering the streets, the trees, and every roof in sight. It was quieter, too, with people smiling, despite the bitter bite of the cold winter air. Now, most of the snow is just slush, barely white, and quite frankly, annoying. At least today it is with Scully rushing towards the bar Mulder begged her to meet him.

It's late afternoon, the sun already set, and Scully just wants to go home. Take off her heels, put her feet in warm, fluffy socks, have dinner, and maybe go to bed at a reasonable time. Those were her plans. Mulder, apparently, has others. She couldn't ignore his texts, pleading with her. Asking her to hurry. If she's honest, she's a bit worried. Knowing Mulder, though, it's probably just a case or something he forgot to mention. But why can't it wait until tomorrow? Why didn't he just call her?

She enters the bar and is not at all surprised at how packed it is. She has to get on tiptoes to look for Mulder, but even then, she can't spot him. Just as she's about to take out her phone and call him, a hand touches her back. She knows it's Mulder before he leans close, his breath tickling her neck, whispering, "it's just me." Heat shoots through her body, making her sweat in her winter coat.

"I'm here," she says, sounding out of breath. "What's so important it couldn't wait until tomorrow?"

"You trust me, right?" The question throws her.

"Of course I do," she says.

"I will explain later, but... please just play along? Oh no, there she is again. Please?"

"Who?" Scully asks but doesn't get an answer, because Mulder puts his arm around her and pulls her close. He's wearing the fakest smile she's ever seen and it's directed at a tall brunette that's walking towards them. Scully gasps, briefly mistaking the woman for Diana. It's not her. For one, this woman is much younger.

"Fox," she says, touching his arm. "You can't just wander off!" She snickers but the sound dies on her lips when she notices Scully. "Who's your friend?"

"This is Dana," he says. "She's my girlfriend." Scully snaps her head in his direction. Their eyes meet and his are desperate. Please play along. Please, please, please. All his texts now make sense. Except... they don't. Isn't this woman exactly the kind of woman he's interested in?

"Richie didn't say anything about a girlfriend," the young woman says, crossing her arms. She narrows her eyes and observes Scully, who puts her hand on Mulder's arm, gently squeezing it.

"Richie didn't know," Scully says. She doesn't know who Richie is, but figures it doesn't matter. "We keep a low profile."

"Whatever," the woman whose name Scully doesn't know says. "He's boring, you know. What a waste of time." With that she stalks off and Mulder lets out a sigh of relief. He doesn't let go of her, his arm still around her.

"Thank you," he says.

"Who was that?"

"Natalie," Mulder explains. "Or Nats, as she introduced herself to me. Langly set this up."

"Richie," Scully says, putting two and two together.

"I didn't know he was going to do it. He's here with a date and neither Frohike nor Byers wanted to come. So he ambushed me."

"Poor Mulder," Scully says, biting her lip. It's no use, though, and she starts laughing. "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not," he says softly, smiling at her. Natalie is long gone but they're still holding each other.

"I owe you. How can I make it up to you?"

"Take me home," she says, much to Mulder's surprise, judging by his expression, "and get us some take-out."

"Done and done." His hand returns to the small of her back, leading her outside, back into the cold. But this time she isn’t cold. Mulder’s hand remains in its familiar place as they walk slowly toward Mulder’s car.

“Hey look,” he says. “It’s snowing again.” Scully lifts her head into the dark blue sky that’s tinged with orange hues. She takes a deep breath and lets the cold air revive her. She smiles when a snowflake lands on her lips. She catches it with her tongue, just like she used to do as a child. That’s when she notices Mulder watching her. She doesn’t know how she missed it. Or why she was surprised by what happened at the bar just now. It’s all in his eyes right now, right here.

“I always thought snow was magic,” Mulder says, his voice as gentle as the snowfall.

“You did?” She asks and he nods.

“If you think about it,” he says, turning to her, “it really is magic. So many conditions have to happen at the same exact time for it to snow. Wouldn’t you call that magic?”

“You know how I feel about magic,” she says.

“Fine, it’s not magic. But it does look magical, doesn’t it? Each snowflake is unique in its form. No two are the same and each is perfect and beautiful.”

“It does look magical,” she concedes. The snowfall is getting heavier, snowflakes catching in Mulder’s hair and his eyelashes. He looks beautiful and she considers telling him so. Instead, she just stares at him and watches him standing there in the snow. Right up until he catches her gazing at him and not the sky.

“Hi,” he says with a grin.

“Hi. So, um, Mulder… what happened in that bar was-”

“I know I should have warned you, but I was desperate.”

“Why?”

“Why?” She nods at him, needing to hear him spell it out. “I wasn’t interested in her.”

“She’s your type.”

“She’s not.”

“Pff, come on, Mulder.”

“Fine, she’s my type. But… looks aren’t everything. I wasn’t interested in her. I’m not interested in anyone who might be considered tall and brunette.” Despite the cold, her cheeks flush. “We were going to get food, right? I don’t want you to turn into an icicle. I think we’ve spent enough time in arctic temperatures.”

“You didn’t even kiss me,” she blurts out and Mulder stops walking again, turning to her.

“What?”

“I always thought that any fake relationship included kissing.” Her heart is thumping in her chest, but she knows she’s right, and she’s not shying away from her feelings, or from his. This time, he isn’t either. He grins at her and pulls her closer to him. Their bodies flush, she has to crane her head to look at him. It’s worth it.

“I hope you know that nothing about this is fake,” he says, lowering his head, his lips so close she can feel his breath against her own.

He steals her ‘I know’ from her tongue and they kiss and kiss and kiss.

It’s simply magical.

#when i say fluff... i mean fluff #i needed this #my brain needed this #let's hope i remember the february fic a bit earlier!#msr #xf fanfic #my writing #my fic

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bigskydreaming · 7 months

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Bit of a vent post, bit of a housekeeping post, bit of a 'so that's what's been happening in Kalen-land' post:

So I have officially done everything that can be done to prepare for our relocation to a different site while they do construction on this one for the next year, which should be....any day now. Since it was originally supposed to happen on October 2nd, lol. Oh, bureaucracy.

If I wrote a memoir of the last two years specifically, 'Oh, Bureaucracy' would be the title, actually. So obviously its no secret that Moukie & I have been struggling for a long time, even after my surgery back in December 2021. But pretty much all of that has to do with our struggles to hack through bureaucracy to secure some actual stability and longterm living situation, since....oh, January 2022. We've finally secured a five year lease to stay in this place (with the exception of the next year, at a different site during construction, as I mentioned), but like....we only JUST got that agreement officially in writing, signed & notarized & all that...last week.

After being told it was basically a done deal but they couldn't finalize anything or put anything in writing until the building sold and the property changed hands and one city service took over oversight of this particular property from another one....pretty much every month since November of last year. They changed dates and timelines on us so many times it was like every three week we'd have a completely new timeline we were looking at for when we could expect to have everything finalized or for the relocation to happen, etc. Most recently, we were told with complete certainty that everyone HAD to be out October 2nd, that construction would be starting immediately after that, nobody would be allowed to stay in the building.

October 31st, and we're still here, lol.

So that's been a fun non-stop rollercoaster ride of stress, lol. The problem, of course, is that before my surgery (12/2021), I'd quite literally been homeless for at least the five years prior to that. Fortunately I never quite made it to the point of having to sleep outside, though there were plenty of times it got close, and spent most of that time living out of cheap motels & extended stay housing while working towards getting enough money together for my surgery, but as far as any landlord or potential renter is concerned, I was for all intents & purposes homeless during that time, and that's....not great when trying to secure housing in the middle of a pandemic right after basically starting your life over from scratch after the surgery to fix the problem that basically derailed your entire life, lol. Not to mention my credit score was practically nonexistent, all my credit cards were maxed out to pay for the surgery & insurance, my driver's license had been expired for years due to not being even able to drive while I had my issues w/my jaw & everything related to that, and getting it back was easier said than done because I'd had like, two unpaid parking tickets at the time of my medical issues beginning & they kinda completely dropped out of sight, out of mind, only to multiply w/fees that were fucking ridiculous to contemplate & going down to the DMV or traffic court to try and argue them down, while my medical issues were still ongoing, was a nonstarter due to how little travel I was capable of in that state....

LOL. Not a great starting point when rebooting for Kalen 2.0 - and of course I'm not going to get into why we had to use my ID & everything for renting & all that, instead of Moukie's, just trust that there were Reasons.

And of course there are programs to help people out with these kinds of circumstances, which is basically what we've been doing since January 2022....navigating that labyrinth of red tape, because actually ACCESSING those programs, proving eligibility, meeting all requirements, keeping consistent with all requirements throughout the months of waiting on a verdict from higher-ups your file's been passed up the chain to....MUCH easier said than done. The hoops are just. The stuff of legends. Especially when you're still having trouble consistently staying stocked on the meds you need to be productive & functional, or even just keeping your phone active. Oof. All of that was very Not Fun.

Which segues into a bit of that venting I was talking about, because over & over the past couple years we've had well-meaning (and not so well-meaning & largely just obnoxious) people asking us in response to our donation posts like, well why don't we just move to a cheaper city? LOL. I just. I wish people would stop to think that maybe if there's such an obvious solution that someone hasn't availed themselves to yet, there's probably a REASON for that.

We actually had several. For starters, there's the fact that I still have stuff related to my jaw to deal with....I still have no teeth, lol, and haven't really been able to even START getting the bone grafts I need to be able to get implants at some point, so I'm not stuck with dentures for the next fifty years....and it took me literal years to find dentists familiar with my situation, willing to work with me on payment plans & longterm strategizing, etc.....not that easy to just start over with all of that in another, smaller city. Not to mention if I do have any problems with my prosthetic, LA's one of the only places that has ANY surgeons that deal with this specific kind of jaw replacement surgery, so I'd always have to come back here for any further medical related stuff.

But then there's additionally the fact that all those programs meant to help people like us who are literally trying to restart their lives after medical issues, homelessness, etc.....they're pretty much all specific to their own city. They're all contingent on each individual city's resources, services, populations and a million other details.....so moving to a different city basically means having to start all over again with applying to THAT city's housing aid programs & navigating THAT city's bureaucracy from its beginning & forfeiting however much time or progress you've put in already in the city you're currently in. And frankly, most cities don't HAVE as good of aid programs as LA does....its just...it takes fucking forever to actually make full USE of such programs, as evident from the fact that after almost two years, we're only FINALLY to the point where one of those programs has been able to actionably help us secure longterm housing.

(And also there's the fact that when we don't even have enough money for groceries, how cheap do people thinking picking up and moving to another city actually IS? Like. You need starter money to even GET there & get on your feet or you wind up in an even worse situation than we were in).

But honestly, we didn't have it so bad, we have been able to stay housed & working various odd jobs for the past two years....its just been long, and stressful, never actually knowing when or even IF we'd get to the point where we stopped worrying about being kicked out at any given moment, and there were times that looking for housing or trying to deal with bureaucratic red tape was the equivalent of a full time job, in terms of hours required.

All of which is to say....be aware when assuming the worst of various donation posts & their posters, that except in the case of actual scammers, no matter what you may think of how a particular donation request was worded or described their situation, its almost always VASTLY more complicated than can be summed up in a couple of easy to read paragraphs that might actually get people to help. I promise you, if super obvious solutions seem evident to you, they've occurred to the people living with that situation 24/7, and there's a reason that they haven't tried that solution or maybe they even did & for whatever reason it didn't actually work out.

And that said, all of this is also to say just....thank you again for everyone who's helped us out over the years. I know it often seems unending or like we're never getting our acts together, lol, but trust me, it feels that way to us too, times a million, and like....we're working on it. Its just. Much easier said than done. For every hurdle cleared, there's usually another one waiting to pop up like a fucking whack-a-mole game from Hell. Since January 2022 we've been consistently working towards a longterm, stable housing situation and this is it, this is what we were working towards.....we've been fully approved for relocation to the other site for the next year & then returning to this one after construction/renovation, w/a lease agreement for the next five years.....and that's the dream, honestly.

Genuine stability, not having to worry about whether we'll have to move at any given moment, actual housing security....allowing us to FINALLY focus on building our lives back up, instead of constantly grinding just to keep a roof over our head & make sure nobody's about to kick us out....and having the room to breathe & for the first time in literal years (in my case, almost seven at this point) actually prioritize something OTHER than figuring out where we stand on paperwork, filing, tracking down various liaisons to bug them yet again about an accurate timeline for when we'd be notified of whether or not we'd been approved for this program or that one, when we'd actually be relocating, when we had to make x payment by to ensure we didn't lose our qualified status, etc.

And I, for one, definitely can not WAIT to give more of a shit about the absolute stupidest shit imaginable instead of like....warily checking the hall to see if new eviction notices popped up overnight. LMAO.

Anyway. Like I said, we finally have our agreement in writing, we know where we're relocating to, and as soon as that actually happens - which they keep insisting should be any day now, sigh - we'll finally be in a much better place. As part of the relocation program we landed in, our rent at the other site is covered during the year this site is under construction, so already just from that alone we'll be much better off financially.

Moukie's been sending around a donation post this month, and we'll probably keep it circulating up until the day the movers arrive and they finally pull the trigger on us leaving this site, because for the last three months they've been insisting that October 2nd was absolutely going to be our last day here, and we planned around that timetable....meaning that since October 2nd came and went with us still here, our only jobs at the moment are whatever freelance ones we can scrounge up, since the new place is far enough away a commute to & from a workplace around HERE wouldn't be viable, so I can't even go look for a new one to replace the last one until we're actually in the area we'll be spending next year in, lol. So in the meanwhile we've basically been surviving off donations since freelance work is painfully dry at the moment, and as it is, the company Moukie does editing work for still hasn't paid them for their last job yet, which was back in September, I believe? Its ridiculous, but it is what it is.

So yeah, we'll keep that post circulating a bit longer til we're out of here for good, basically just for food money until we're settled in the new place & can grab a new 9-5 and I would say something about that damn patreon I'm always claiming I'll make except I am a Proven Liar Not To Be Trusted On That Subject at this point, but hey, once we're in the new place, maybe that will finally change.

That's basically everything I set out to ramble about, I think, so....I'm done. Wait. Lemme check - yeah, no, that's it, I'm good. I've said it before but it'll never stop being true: we would not have survived if it weren't for the kindness of strangers & the help of mutuals & followers & we really are so much more appreciative of it than I can ever adequately express. I know that can come across as lip service, but genuinely, people here have done more for us and to help us and to see us succeed than our families ever did and we've been reduced to ugly-crying more than once as a result. Its gotten bad, guys. Like. When I go all out, it's not a pretty sight. I've got that pale Irish skin that gets all splotchy when I'm emotional, my nose gets all stopped up, I make scrunchy faces like a baby that KNOWS its not as pretty as its parents keep trying to pretend and is out to prove it....its a whole mess.

And on that note - and imagery - I'm officially done here. Thanks for reading!

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tdoong15 · 5 months

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hello kai, long time no see. am here to request a baby sana with caregiver jihyo going to the park with to meet with toddler SMC well jihyo and 2yeon (or whoever u think should be SMC caregivers) are having coffees and chatting while watching the littles play in the sand while sana is just poking it with a stick and sometimes shovelling sand into a bucket or eating it ya know like a baby anyways hope you are doing good

Hello Chimp, I'm doing well I'm currently preparing for an exam on the 23rd and 25th January (it's like that because one is 3 hours and the other is 5 hours plus on the 24th it's my off day where I can relax) also this is very sweet.

Little!Sana Toddlers!DaChaeTzu Cgs!NaJeongHyo

Warnings: none

Sandcastles + parks

Sana had been feeling extremely little throughout the whole day, thankfully Jihyo has been looking after Sana immediately when she was told by Momo and Mina about Sana's regression. Sana was currently on the floor playing with some stuffed animals when Jihyo got a message from Nayeon

Nayeon🩵🐰: hey Jeongyeon and I are taking Dahyun, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu to the park because they're full of energy. Do you want to join us with Sana?

You: Hang on, I'll check with Sana.

“Hey Sana, would you like to go to the park with Nayeon, Jeongyeon, Dahyun, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu?” Jihyo questions in a soft tone. Sana turned around and looked up and she grinned and babbled happily. Jihyo took Sana's response as a yes so she messaged Nayeon the answer.

You: Yeah we'll join you guys :).

Nayeon🩵🐰: Great we'll meet you two at the swing set.

Jihyo reads the message and she starts preparing everything for the park since she was being cautious in case anything would happen to anyone but she mainly put her focus on Sana since she was regressed to a really young age. She then placed everything into a bag and did a double check ensuring that everything was in the bag before she picked Sana up from the floor. “Alright let's go to the park.” Jihyo said with a smile, Sana was distracted by the collar of Jihyo's shirt so she didn't pay attention to Jihyo.

Throughout the walk to the park Sana would either make loud squeals down Jihyo's ear when she saw something that she found pretty or she would tug on Jihyo's shirt because she felt like it. When they reached the park, Jihyo looked around for the swing set which she found fairly quickly due to the School Meal Club laughing hysterically. Jihyo walked over to the sound with Sana in her arms. “Jihyo we're so glad you could make it” Jeongyeon says while she hugged Jihyo, her attention was then immediately changed when she heard Sana whine. “And everyone is really happy that you're here, princess Sana.” Jeongyeon said to calm the baby down.

Sana immediately stopped her dramatic whines and she clapped a lot when she heard Jeongyeon's words, Sana's claps actually alerted Dahyun, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu. “Sana!” They all shouted whilst they stumbled over to Jihyo and Sana, all three of them bounced up and down slightly out of excitement because they wanted to play with Sana, who was initially stunned by the sudden loud sounds but she quickly started to laugh and wriggle out of Jihyo's arms because she wanted to play with DaChaeTzu.

Jihyo obliged when she felt Sana moving in her hold and she placed Sana on the sand next to SMC. “Remember don't play too rough, I don't want any trips to the hospital. Also play fairly.” Nayeon tells the girls and they all nod their heads except Sana who was flinging sand around herself. “ ‘Kay we'll be weally good mommy'' Dahyun reassures Nayeon, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu both nodded their heads in agreement. “Alright then we'll be sitting at the bench if you need us,” Jeongyeon explained and she pointed to the bench.

It wasn't long until all of the littles were playing in the sand together, despite Sana being significantly younger Dahyun, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu all figured out ways to incorporate her in their games, even if she just hit the sand with the back of the shovel. On the other hand, Nayeon, Jeongyeon and Jihyo were having some coffee from the local booth, they were keeping an eye out on the littles but they obviously gossiped about things they thought were worthy to talk about such as things that happened backstage.

Sana, Dahyun, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu were all having a sandcastle competition but since Sana was so small Tzuyu decided that she wanted to team up with Sana so the competition could be more fair, Dahyun and Chaeyoung didn't argue with the idea since they also thought that it was only right that Sana had a partner for the competition. With that in mind, the four girls started to build their sandcastles, except for Sana who was trying to eat the sand. “Nuh-uh Sha-Sha sand is yucky.” Tzuyu says in her quiet voice whilst she carefully took the sand out of Sana's hand and she added it to the sandcastle.

When the castles were completely finished, Sana slammed her hand down on the sandcastle and she blabbered a lot but she had a smile on her face so the School Meal Club took it as a good thing. “Yep dat's good Sana-shi” Chaeyoung decides to just agree with what Sana said before continuing “Mommy, Mama and JiJi who wins for the best sandcastle?” She yelled at all three of them which immediately got their attention and headed over to the sand pit area.

Nayeon, Jeongyeon and Jihyo all observed the sand castle and they all huddled together to create a verdict. “Okay, this is a very tough decision so we need a description of each sandcastle design so we know who to truly pick.” Jihyo explains and Dahyun quickly clears her throat because she wanted to explain hers first. “I made a happy tuwtle family ‘cause it's SUPER cute.” Dahyun put emphasis on the word ‘super’ because it wasn't a basic type of cute, it was the best even though it looked like blobs. Chaeyoung glares at Dahyun's creation before she explained her sandcastle “I made evewyone hewe.” She simply states and she shows her creation with full confidence. Next up was Tzuyu and Sana to say what theirs was, well it's more like Tzuyu will speak and Sana would just do whatever she wanted “Um we did a pwincess since we awe ones” Tzuyu tells 3Mix while she made sure that Sana didn't eat any sand.

Nayeon, Jeongyeon and Jihyo huddled together once more to decide the winner and after a minute they decided on the winner. “This was a very difficult thing to judge since they're all amazing but we have decided to give the win too Sana and Tzuyu” Jeongyeon revealed which made Tzuyu cheer happily and hug Sana, she was kicking her feet along with giggling loudly because of Tzuyu's reaction to them winning. Meanwhile with Dahyun and Chaeyoung, they refused to be sore losers so they congratulated the winners.

By the end of it all everyone was playing in the sand even the caregivers because it was a great way to bond since they were now all playing together. They did this until darkness started to arrive and they all went home, but Sana decided to store some sand in the pockets of her pants because she liked the feeling of it.

Hiiii I hope you all enjoyed reading this at whatever time of the day you read this at. Anyway how do you guys feel about Twice's 13th mini album coming out? Personally I'm excited and I think it's going to be something similar to Feel Special and When We Were Kids for the meaning.

#twice agere #sfw agere #twice #little!tzuyu #cg!jeongyeon #cg!nayeon #little!dahyun #little!chaeyoung #little!sana #cg!jihyo

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weirdthoughtsandideas · 2 months

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Random number here we go: 6, 18,11, 1, 15

Since you didn't specify any kids, I'm just gonna answer for the kids that fit the question.

1. What are their child's/children's name/s?

So, I guess I'm just gonna go with everyone.

First off all, I have hinted of a Pablangie daughter, but I have never really written her in anything, just mentioned in passing conversation. I think I have decided her name is Paula. She's born around 2016.

The Violetta next gens, oldest to youngest:

Kim Torres (Born late 2021)

Isadora Vargas (Born August 1st, 2022)

Diana Caviglia-Hernandez (Born around late september/early october 2022)

Stella Vidal (Born October 2023)

I've also acquired two new next gens that I came up with literally last night at 1 AM. They are twins, and this far I've just decided that one of them will be named Tommy. No idea when the twins are born, but I know they are gonna be younger than everyone else. Maybe born in like 2028 or 2029, or even 2030.

Plus: The Franletta kids, Elina, Carolina and Oliver Castillo-Caviglia. Born mid 2022 (maybe August 1st too lol), late 2024 and specifically June 2027 respectively.

The Soy Luna next gens, oldest to youngest:

(Note: There may be some inconsistencies with the ages if you have read some fics of mine, for example Lucia appeared to be older than Charlie in a oneshot. But, I have changed my mind about it now.)

Lola Sanchez (Born either December 2022 or January 2023)

Charlotte "Charlie" Sanchez (Born early 2025)

Lucia Valente (Born mid 2025) -She wasn't adopted until she was 1-

Lilith Alvarez (Born mid/late 2026)

Angelica Alvarez (Born early/mid 2028)

Also, I may have kinda thought about some Gastina kids? Can't elaborate on that a lot rn, but I think they're slightly younger. Maybe that one of them may be born in like 2027/2028, but that's a maybe.

6. Does the child/children have any planned romantic partners?

Isadora, Diana, Kim and Stella do ;) And depending on the universe, Lola and Elina do too ;)

11. How are their relationships with other relatives (grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc)?

Isadora is extremely awkward around Germán, even though she loves him. She's always felt safe around Angie though, and looks up to Paula like a cooler older sister. Leon's parents spoil Isadora a lot, it being their only granddaughter, and they always make her food and give her gifts.

Diana has a jokeful relationship with Gregorio, she likes to prank him and tease him, but it's all in good fun. She's also the only grandchild of Francesca's parents, as Luca never had kids. Luca got to babysit her once when she was like 5 and he seems to have traumatic memories from it (although Diana doesn't remember it at all), so every time she meets Luca she jokes that he looks so nervous around her.

Franletta's kids get along with all of their relatives. Germán is instead the one awkward around them, because suddenly there's three of them running around and he occasionally forgets Violetta and Francesca are married. Violetta starts to wonder if he has dementia.

Kim gets along with all of Camila's relatives and always has fun with his aunts and cousins. Camila has a large family, as everyone agrees on.

Stella looks up to her aunt Lena a lot. Because Ludmila has a strained relationship with Priscila, Stella does too. She has met Priscila very few times, so there's barely a relationship there.

Lucia is adored by her grandparents.

I headcanon Ámbar mostly visiting Sharon herself without her kids. She tells them a lot about them and how they're progressing and growing. Lilith and Angelica have met her, but they haven't talked much with her. They are very very close with all of Simón's family, though.

The other next gens I don't have much to say about, but they have a good relationship with their relatives.

15. How is their clothing style?

I haven't gotten definitive styles for a lot of them, except that Lilith is a mix of a punk, grunge and Simón's clothing style. Lola is also kind of grunge.

Diana is, as I've always described her, "Francesca's looks and Diego's personality", so she dresses like a female Diego a lot of the time.

Stella has some galaxy themed outfits... she's been influenced.

18. Sexuality?

The ones I have decided on:

Lesbian: Isadora, Elina, Lola

Bisexual: Diana, Lilith

Asexual: Stella

The others I don't have much on, mostly because it's not gonna be relevant (I mean, it's very irrelevant with Lilith as of now, but I just thought about her as a teen and was like... bisexual...)

#thanks for the ask!#i don't think I've revealed simbar's kids names #i mean I HINTED at their names but not more than that #soy luna #violetta

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belovedxpoets · 13 days

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𝐈𝐌𝐎𝐆𝐄𝐍 𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐔𝐑𝐘 : 𝐀 𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐅 𝐇𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘;

❝ ... I'm still a believer, but I don't know why I've never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try ... ❞

𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐒;

Full Name: Imogen Grace Ashbury Age: 27 Occupation: Junior Legal Associate at Heller & Co Neighbourhood: Laurel Village Faceclaim: Lili Reinhart Date Of Birth: 13 January 1997 Zodiac: Capricorn Parents: Derek & Angelina Ashbury Siblings: One younger sibling Orientation: Heterosexual Positive: Ambitious, passionate, bold, determined Negative: Defensive, neurotic, insecure, assertive

CONNECTIONS | PINTEREST

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘;

From the time that Imogen was a little girl, all she ever wanted to be was perfect, and considering the family she was born into, it wasn’t difficult to see where she had gotten the inspiration from. Derek and Angelina Ashbury were picture-perfect examples of the great American dream. Meeting young and marrying soon after, the couple wasted no time settling down in a cosy town in Arizona; quickly becoming neighbourhood locals.

Derek and Angelina managed to win most of the town over with their kindness, generosity, and most of all, Derek’s charisma. Within due course, the pair became town favourites and when Imogen was born, she was doted on and fussed over every minute of every day; a factor of her life that the blonde quickly became dependant on. She loved company and attention, and for a while, it came to her in abundance, until her sibling was born.

Imogen hadn’t known what it was like to feel alone until the Ashbury family extended, and while she adored her sibling in her childhood, she couldn’t quite figure out how to adjust to this new arrangement. However, she never cried or threw fits for obvious attention, deciding instead that she would earn recognition from her parents by doing things worth praise. And so, the perfectionist was born.

As an adolescent, Imogen took it upon herself to attempt as many different activities as she could; begging her parents to let her sign up for anything she could find. She was involved in everything from dance to sports and (to the dismay of her sibling) music. She had a yearning to perfect any skill that she tried, but none of it was for her. The only thought running through her head when she was studying or practicing late at night was, I hope my parents are proud when they see me. A thought that would consume her for years to come.

By the time Imogen was in her teens, her father was heavy on the campaign trail to become a senator in Arizona, and while Derek did his best to make sure their lives remained the same, Imogen started to notice a change in people. Her peers began to treat her differently. Little by little, people whom she thought were friends started distancing themselves from her; making plans without her. She couldn’t understand why, and this made her frustrated; the isolation forcing the resentment she’d allowed to lie dormant in her bones to seep through her skin.

She guessed that people assumed she was obnoxious and self-entitled because of her father’s newly elected status and her pre-existing obsessive work ethic. So that’s what she became. She pushed all her remaining friends away and developed a chip on her shoulder; wearing her new attitude like armour. It was futile though, as it did nothing to mend the hole that loneliness had eaten into her heart.

By the time senior year rolled around, Imogen looked out for no-one except herself and her family. She threw herself harder into her work, figuring that if people didn’t like her, then they would just have to respect her instead, and when she made her valedictorian speech, she felt satisfied knowing that she’d finally earned some acclaim.

With her stellar grades, Imogen was accepted into Harvard Law school, securing a job almost immediately in New York upon her graduation. To her family's surprise, she turned it down and chose to travel for a few years instead. Years of competing to be perfect had worn her down and she decided to put herself first. When she returned, she took a legal position at a big firm in Chicago before transferring to Blue Harbor in favour of a slower pace, and the hope that she might be able to make more of a difference here.

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒;

When Imogen was growing up, she was convinced she was going to go into politics like her father. She’d listened to a lifetime’s worth of speeches and debates and was convinced she knew just about everything there was to know about the career. However, when it came time to think about the future and apply to colleges, her father urged her to follow her own path and when the Harvard letter came, he gave her the gentle push she needed to accept the offer.

Imogen has a tattoo of a single rose on her hip as an homage to her mother, who took pride in the beautiful flowers she grew back home in Arizona. It’s Imogen's way of keeping herself connected to a small part of herself and her humble beginnings.

As bold and confident as Imogen can come across at times, she has an incessant need to be liked, and as a result she is often cripplingly paranoid about what people think of her. She needs constant validation from people that she is valued and wanted, and if she doesn’t get that in a satisfactory way, she can become moody and upset and either withdraws inside herself, or lashes out.

Imogen has previously found herself falling easily for people, however, she finds relationships incredibly difficult because she has a need to control things and doesn’t want to put herself in a situation where she knows she’ll end up controlling someone she cares about without realizing. She has also had some crash and burn experiences in the past that have made her keep potential partners at an arms length, and delves into her job to keep herself occupied instead.

Despite all of her flaws, Imogen is deeply caring and will go out of her way to do anything for her friends and family.

#( — imogen | biography; )#intro.bh

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sisterwolfsbane · 27 days

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MINORS GO AWAY, THIS IS A KINK BLOG

I'm awake, reminiscing on when I realized that I had caught feelings, then shortly after fell in love with my boyfriend. I know he's gonna see this and come up in our Discord server or even this ask box like 'WHAT?' 🤣 I'm sorry, love, bear with me lol.

So, I think it was November or December of 2023, when I first felt something stir. I quickly dismissed it for a few reasons:

One, I was stoned off my ass, and two, it had only been a month or two, since I broke up with my ex of nearly half a decade. It was too soon.

"Huh... Am I feeling attracted to him? ....No, Wolfsbane, you're stoned, go listen to Uncle Acid and The Deadbeats."

Except the feelings didn't fade the next day I was sober. They were still there, even after I took a tolerance break for a good while. And then when I realized I had in fact fallen for him, there would be periods where I'd feel this deep sadness. A longing.

Now, I hear you going, "Sister, why didn't you tell him??"

Because at that time, he still saw me as the sibling friend. (We're not related, at one point in our friendship we referred to each other as siblings)

And I didn't want him to think I was weird or some shit, I didn't want to cross that boundary from friendship to romance. I didn't want to be so quick to confess my feelings. So, I did what I normally do with scary emotions- that I'm now working with my therapist on- bottled it up.

I never said anything for a long time. I thought keeping it inside was the best course of action until, maybe, just maybe, he'd feel the same way, one day.

This didn't exactly work because so many times, the emotion 'leaked out' so to speak. By that I mean, I caught myself staring at any selfies or pics he sent for longer, complimenting what I found the most pretty in said selfie.

And then I did a very millennial thing lol. I know people my age did this on MySpace- and still do it on some platforms.

I started posting bits and pieces of song lyrics to express the now storm of emotions on my old side Tumblr lol. Mainly Sleep Token. (Yes, sweetface, that's what that was >///<)

I started listening to bands like Death Cab For Cutie, and my dramatic, musical theatre ass listened to 'On My Own,' God knows how many times, feeling like Eponine, even though he wasn't in love with someone else sdgffgdfgfg I was an absolute disaster and nobody knew it lol.

Cut to April this year. Around January or February we decided on being platonic partners because we were so close. I still hadn't said anything yet but oh man, it was building.

Around April, we were having another one of our deep talks like we do every so often. It was mainly how we couldn't believe we'd been friends for three years now, and how much the both of us have changed.

At one point, he said he saw myself as more to him than just a platonic or even romantic partner. That his love for me went deeper than that. He saw me as more than just a soulmate too.

(Note at the time, we came into the belief that we were each other's soulmate, due to the circumstances of our friendship. It is not my place to talk about his personal stuff but we believe there was a reason we met for sure.)

I told him, I did too. And that I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life without him.

And now we're here. Planning a marriage for when we meet, move in together, and spend more time with each other. We're not going to rush! I don't think I've ever been this happy and nor have I ever felt this way about another person. Not even my ex.

I love him to the moon, back and beyond the farthest reaches.

#the nun's posts #romance #my future husband #i love him #non kink discussions #non kink

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haberdashing · 1 year

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I feel like one thing a lot of transphobes don't appreciate is how many hoops you have to jump through to medically transition even in an area that's largely pro-trans with laws that reflect that.

I live in the suburbs of Chicago, in Illinois, a bright blue state. So going on hormones should be easy as pie, right? Just hop into a doctor's office and get my T fix?

Not quite.

I'm not going to count the years spent wondering whether going on T was the right choice, or figuring out my gender identity. This is just about what it takes to get hormones when I want them.

And before any of this, I got a legal name change and got top surgery, so it's not like this is the first step I'm taking to transition, either.

Here's how the process has gone for me:

Start to wonder if I'm considered low on testosterone even for someone AFAB, and if that could be causing/contributing to some of my chronic health problems, even aside from gender stuff.

So I make an appointment with my primary care doctor.

This is September 2022.

She says "well maybe" and orders some blood tests.

I get blood tests, they show I have borderline-low testosterone even for someone AFAB.

This is October 2022.

I decide this is a sign, I should pursue testosterone.

I make an appointment with an endocrinologist. It's not for a few months out, because that's all they have available.

I meet the endocrinologist.

This is January 2023.

She says "well maybe, but I don't do that kind of thing."

Does she know who DOES do that kind of thing? No, no she does not, except "maybe in the city".

She orders more blood tests just to confirm the low testosterone and check a few other hormone levels just in case.

Results come back, still borderline-low testosterone, everything else is normal. This blood test costs me $300 out of pocket by the way. Not like I'm bitter or anything.

This is February.

I try to find someone who actually does this sort of thing in the medical systems I'm used to, but no dice. They don't do that.

If I want T, I only have a handful of options in the whole Chicago metropolitan area, I find when I look into it. A few are in the city. A few others are in the suburbs, but not the part I'm in. The closest one is half an hour away, on a good day.

I give them a call. They're booked up this month. What about next month? Well, they don't have next month's schedule together yet. Try back in a couple weeks.

I try back in a couple weeks. Now they have times available. A few weeks off, but that's not the end of the world.

I go half an hour's drive to the nearest place where I might be able to get T.

This is March.

I meet the nurse practitioner. She's lovely.

Takes my vitals, which takes a couple tries for some reason. Takes a blood test to check my hemoglobin levels. Listens to me and says "sounds like testosterone would work for you, what kind do you want?"

I say not needles because needles wig me out, she puts in a prescription for T gel.

A week later I call them, or they call me, for some clarification about the order. I forget the details, and checking my visit summary isn't helpful. Whatever.

Two weeks after that I call them. They're still dealing with my insurance.

This is April.

Three weeks after that I call them. They're still dealing with my insurance.

This is May.

A couple days later, they call back. Good news: insurance got back to them. Bad news: they won't approve the gel until I've tried the needles, unless I have some documented severe medical reason not to try them. "Looking at needles going into skin makes me feel nauseous" does not count. I'm getting the needles.

A week later, they call and get the details and send in a prescription for the needles. I pick it up, but just the idea of injecting myself wigs me out. I need the gel.

A week later, I get the actual letter from my insurance and notice that they didn't say I needed to try the needles specifically, just that the formulary only covers some specific kind of testosterone gel, which is presumably not the one initially prescribed. I call them. They send in a prescription for T gel.

Right now it's June. It's been over two weeks since my prescription got sent in. According to the pharmacy, they are "reviewing my prescription". I don't know what the issue is this time--whether it's that I picked up the needles so they won't give me the gel until a certain amount of time after that, or if my insurance won't approve this prescription for the gel either for whatever reason, or if my insurance is just dragging its feet again for whatever reason.

That's nine months since I started this journey. Three months since I saw the nurse practitioner. And I still don't have T in a form that doesn't make me feel sick just thinking about administering it. (Something about seeing needles go into skin, it just messes with me...)

But sure, tell me more about how every kid who decides they're a boy or a girl or a dinosaur can pick up hormones at their friendly neighborhood doctor's office before the week is out.

#personal

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aquiloneblu-000 · 1 year

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Agatha's Grandpa

Some things in life are fucking dark. Just like this bathroom. Couldn't find the light switch, don't even know why the lights were off in the first place; someone else was in there just before me.

I lean back facing away from the mirror, I'm already getting reflected by the floor tiles anyway. I think they're pink. Dark pink maybe.

I've cleaned myself up, i should be getting out of here. Wonder if he's still there.

These walls ain't shit, i can hear every single thing happening outside. I remember a couple of years back YouTube was full of music edits meant to sound like you were locked in a bathroom in the midst of a party. What kind of party would play arctic monkeys? You only want to listen to them when you're alone, thinking of someone, or when you are actually fucking them.

Sex is such a funny thing. One minute you're enjoying it, the next you think back to what had happened and it is not fun anymore. Are you ok what happened did i do something. You didn't do anything wrong stop worrying. Stop looking at me like that. Can't have pity for what you've never known.

It's just that some things in life are fucking dark. Maybe I should just tell him that. I think he could understand. He looked confused. Shouldn't have done this.

Someone's knocking at the door.

I get up, straighten my clothes, my hair.

I get out of that god awful dark pink bathroom and into the party. I don't know the songs they are playing. Something about sex for sure. God it is always there. Sex sex sex and sex again. We should have just kissed. Just a kiss and then pretend that nothing happened. That's what friends do i think. Never had a friend like him.

I try my best to walk in a straight line, anything to seem composed. It shouldn't be so hot. It's fucking december. January now. God I'm drunk.

Down the wooden stairs there's the door, open, the air of a new year filling out the crowded room in all of its twirls, twisting upon itself.

I grab a coat; just now it got cooler. I should go outside. I look for my cigarettes, open a new package. It's so goddamn cold the lighter won't start, it's almost frustrating really.

"Do you want me to light it for you?" Said this girl. "Your hands are shaking. Mine shake all the time too, it's a real bummer, you know? Well i suppose you do."

I let her do her thing. Thank you.

She's still talking to me. Are you okay do you need some water.

"I'm good" i say. "You don't look too good yourself" after i have actually looked at her. She was right, her hands were pretty shaky. She had long bony fingers. Veiny.

She laughs a bit. "Yeah i did something kinda dumb".

"No shit, me too." I confess. "Do you want one?" I ask shaking the package.

"Was about to ask."

She lights a cigarette and her eyelids slowly meet each other as she exhales.

She asks me what I've done. I tell her i slept with one of my best friends.

"Was she good at it?" She asked

"He's a man." I say

"Oh that's cool. I slept with a woman."

"Tonight?" i ask.

"Yeah." She doesn't say anything else.

We sit on the porch, smoking rather slowly. There's no hurry in going back in there. I wonder what he's doing.

We're not the only ones out, a bunch of people in small groups, some talking annoyingly loud, waving their hands with their cigarettes attached; in the dead of night they look like little lighthouses gone mad: waving erratically and signaling the ships lost in the endless blanket of mist that will cover us all up until march.

Me and the girl are lighthouses too except we're sitting still. I wonder what she's thinking about.

"Are you thinking about that girl?" I ask.

I'm not looking at her but i can feel the fresh breath of her gaze.

"Who? The one i fucked in the bathroom?" She gets a bit cocky, a bitter smile.

"The bathroom with the pink tiles?"

"Why? And also yes".

"No shit. I just used it."

"Well isn't this a small world."

"Is she a friend?"

She seems amused. "Why do you care?"

I don't think I do, I just want to be reassured that someone is having a worse night than I am.

"No, i met her tonight for the first time"

Damn her.

"It seems ideal really. That's what i prefer, at least".

"Oh wow. So cool" i think she's teasing rather than straight up insulting me. I'm just being honest why would she be insulting? It's less embarrassing if you don't care about their opinion.

I tell her just that, she makes a humming sound.

"I'm not really good at that." She says. "My attention span is devastatingly short, it takes a lot for a stranger to entertain me enough to hook up with them". She's wearing a sly smile.

"Wow."

"Yeah i know how pretentious it sounds" she huffs, looking a little embarrassed. There's no need for that though, i think i get it.

I'm the exact opposite. My attention span is so mortifyingly short that anybody can get between my legs. Or let me in theirs, though it only happens on rare occasions.

Apparently we agreed upon mutual silence that we would stay outside a little longer. I go for another cigarette, mostly to keep myself occupied. She wants to be occupied as well and starts talking. I don't mind, really. She's being nice. Maybe she gets it.

I'm actually starting to feel better. Maybe i never felt bad in the first place. Yeah that seems right. Overreacting as usual. I just liked him. I like him. I think he liked it. Who the hell knows what he thinks now. Where is he anyway? He said there was a girl hitting on him. He said that when he came looking for me. That's got to mean something.

Yeah that's it. It didn't happen because of all of that. I freaked out because i liked him. Think i was in love with him up until an hour ago. Crazy what a pair of unzipped pants can do…

I ask the girl her name, guilty of not paying attention. Has she already told me?

"Agatha" she says. "It's a good name. It's great. But it makes me feel old." Chuckles.

I like that name. "There's nothing wrong with being old" i point out. "My grandad is one of my best friends". I say

"My grandad has dementia i think. Poor guy, i truly love him. I do."

"Oh. I'm sorry" i start dating something else but I'm not really sure what.

She just shrugs. I guess it happens. Yeah it does.

Sometimes i lose my memory as well. All of those moments i had lost coming back in dreams rolling through roundabouts and back alleys. Dirty dirty dreams. I remember now. It's not that bad. I'm not that dirty. How much filth doeas Agatha have under her skin, i wonder.

"What's a young person name then?" i ask her instead. She looks at me for a while and then i notice her stare is actually blank. She is really thinking about it, playing with a strand of hair and biting her left cheek.

"Probably Anna. It still starts with an A and it is a palyndrome, which is funny. "

"It's not that funny" i point out

"Well it doesn't have to be hilarious!" She says back, amused, her voice slightly higher.

I don't remember how we got to walking around the garden. I'm sobering up slowly, a courtain opening up to shame.

The place is nice though. Green. Blue. It got easier to see the stars once the air cleaned up a little. Stars and lots of hills, hills up until the end of the world. They are green just like this one. Earthly sibilings i guess. They are green with loads of orange: houses, lights. So many people awake. I won't ever meet them. Maybe some. I probably will never meet the ones Agatha will.

Down this hill lies our city. There's my mom somewhere asleep, i hope she's with dad. Who knows where my sister is. Should i call her?

We get to the top, a small wooden fence guarding the area, making sure nobody rolls down. Behind us there's woods.

Agatha has told me lots of stuff. She knows a lot of gossip about the people here but she only tells me about the people she doesn't like. Serves them right. There's this guy fucking the best friend of the girl he's going out with; this other chick is cheating on her boyfriend; one 'fucking asshole piece of shit' almost molested one of her friends. Fucking asshole piece of shit. And then she says the girl she slept with (even though they weren't in a bed or even horizontal for all that matters) tried to touch her even when she kept saying no. Agatha slapped her so hard her glasses flew out of her face.

Yeah, she gets it.

I tell her about him. I tend to do that a lot. Talk about him, that is. I truly hope he doesn't mind.

I was the one who started it, but he kissed me first, he'd been a real fucking gentleman about it. Really, he was. He looked at me with smiling eyes. His eyes are blue. Of course they are, and his hair is blond. He looked at me like that and he leaned in gently, asking for permission with the time it took for his lips to place onto mine. I was smiling as well.

Should have kept it like that.

At least among all the orange around me there's gotta be someone that did the same thing as me tonight. Or tomorrow or ten years ago. I truly don't believe in originality anyway. He's the only one who's different.

"Why is he?" She asks.

"He just is. You'd see it if you met him. It's all in his eyes. I think he knows something nobody else does."

"I think everybody does. But you only see it in him because it's him. Or maybe it's him because you see it."

"That's not true. Think of how many bland people there are in the world"

"Thanks. I'm pretty fucking bland but i know that i have something nobody else does. Just like everybody else." She says "I watched Fight Club in eighth grade, maybe that's why I don't believe in individuality. But I'm still a big individualist. Oh yes, damn right i am. I am the only real person in my life just like you are the only real person in yours. We don't really exist to each other. I'm glad i met you and all of that but how can i be sure you are real? It takes enough strength to convince myself that i am. Don't you ever just want to go to sleep?"

She stops for a second.

"Stop saying that" i plead. "Just don't. I can't hear this shit I'm sorry."

"No man, I'm sorry. Really. It's dumb. I said some dumb shit. Sorry."

"That's okay" i mumble. "It's okay," i repeat.

#brought to you by the can't deal with ons gang #writing #original piece #sorry if it sounds pretentious im just a dumb girl #tw???#short thing #can you tell i read an unhealthy amount of gay fanfic in middle school

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libraryofloveletters · 3 years

Text

Love Delivered To Your Doorstep

Evan Buckley x Reader

Warnings: fem!reader, mentions of cheating, break ups and killing/serial killers. (<in a joking context)

Category: fluff for the most part.

Word Count: 3.9k

Author’s Note: Doesn’t follow canon, it has a little of buck begins in there but it doesn't follow a strict timeline. It also is written like Buck moves to LA and has his apartment from the moment he moves there while trying to figure out what he wants to do.

-----

Texting and calling was never your choice method of communication.

Letters had always been more of your thing.

Truthfully, they hadn't been your thing until your boyfriend moved halfway across the country for university. The two of you met in high school, freshman year and became inseparable since. Growing together and promising to always love each other no matter what -you always knew that couldn't be true but it never stopped you from telling him.

When he told you that he was going to be applying to UCLA during your senior year of high school, it came as a bit of a shock to you. The plan was always going to college together, get engaged when you were done school and then married with a house by 30.

You held out the hope of that being possible until the day he showed you his acceptance letter.

You were incredibly proud of him but it was real now, he was leaving.

You watched him pack up his entire life and uproot himself from New York and moved across the country. You sent the first letter to him at what was supposed to be his apartment.

September 30th.

‘Hi baby!

Just writing to see how you're settling in. How’s UCLA ? Have you gotten a chance to go around and get to see the place ? I know you’re there for school but you've got to live a little too. Hope your neighbours are sweet, your mom told me it’s a pretty nice place and it’s got a good view, sounds like your type of place. Hopefully I can come visit you soon.

I started my classes last week. My chem professor is a pain in my ass already, he expects us to read an entire textbook in a week - well not exactly an entire textbook but you get the point. My biology professor is a sweetheart, she showed us pictures of her kids and talked about them for an hour, I didn't realize being a mother was so interesting but she was cool. Also showed us a video of an appendectomy that one of her colleagues performed last week. How are your classes and professors ?

Did I mention I bumped into Sam at the grocery store ? Yeah, he’s back and he’s not fine to tell you the truth. He seemed like he was ready to snap but that might just be my judgment. He said to tell you hello if I spoke to you so- hello :)

I’m going to sign off here, I know this one is short but I don’t have much to update you on. Life’s been pretty dull without you. Hope you’re having fun out there, soaking up the sun for me.

Write me back soon, I love you.

Yours always, y/n’

You mailed the letter the next day, a few weeks had passed before you received a letter back. Except this letter had a different sender name but the same address.

October 22nd.

‘Hi y/n,

This isn't your boyfriend. (I'm assuming that’s who you're writing too based on the context of the letter) I’m Evan, I live in the apartment you thought belonged to your boyfriend or maybe you got the address wrong, I’m not sure. I know you were waiting for an update on all these exciting things that are happening at UCLA. I do not go to UCLA nor can I update you in anything exciting that’s happening there, sorry.

Anyways, the reason I'm writing you back is because I figured you’d want to know that this isn't the correct address and the person you were looking for isn't here before you send another letter and get no response. I was debating if I should have even written you back, but here I am, writing you back.

Your professor for chem seems like an ass to be honest (hope that’s not rude) and your biology professor sounds great, is she hot by the way ? because bonus points for that. Anyways, are you studying medicine ? I'm guessing yes because of the classes you're taking. I'm thinking of signing up to become a first responder but I haven’t decided yet on what yet or if I'm actually going to do it. Anyways, good luck on your classes and the shitty chem professor.

Hope you find your boyfriend (again, assuming)

Peace out,

Evan.’

To say you were shocked would be an understatement. How could the letter you sent to your boyfriend’s apartment belong to someone else ? Why was there someone else living in his apartment ? You dug through your apartment, searching for the paper he left you with the address, you finally found it buried in a drawer.

The address on the paper was identical to the one that Evan sent to you and to the one you sent prior to that. Either your boyfriend was lying or you were losing your mind.

November 4th.

‘Dear Evan,

I'm sorry that I sent the first letter to you and as you guessed, I was looking for my boyfriend who seems to be a bit MIA right now. His mother says that’s the right address and the place that she helped him move into. So I'm not really sure what’s happening there. Anyways, sorry for unloading all of that on you.

To answer your question, yes, I am studying medicine and no, she isn't hot. My bio professor is a 65 year old woman who loves her college aged kids very much. If that’s your definition of hot, then yes - she's got milf status

Have you decided yet if you’re going to sign up to be a first responder ? That’d be pretty cool. Imagine all the girls swoon over you and how many girls you’d pick up just for being a paramedic or a firefighter.

Wait, are you into girls ? Or guys ? You know, whoever you're into, just imagine how many of them you’d pick up.

Also, you’re not a murderer or anything right ? because I rather not answer questions when the police come asking about why I've been sending letters to a serial killer.

Anyways, signing off for now.

Yours always, y/n.

ps. if you do end up bumping into or meeting a guy that looks like my boyfriend, (tall, brown hair, brown eyes. he’s got a pierced ear and a little butterfly tattoo by his collarbone- though not sure why or how you'd see his collarbone) let me know or tell him that his girlfriend is looking for him.

Double ps, what size shirt do you wear ?’

Buck laughed at your absurd question. A person he didn’t even know was asking what size shirt he wore. The letter was set on the coffee table with the rest of the mail, getting buried under all of the stuff he had on there. It was almost the end of December when he realized that he hadn't written you back yet.

December 21st.

‘Hey y/n,

Sorry I've taken so long to get back to you. Things have been hectic over here. I’ve been doing some ‘soul-searching’ - I guess you could call it that and honestly, I don’t think if this whole first responders thing is for me.

I tried out bartending or well, the technical term is mixologist and I’m liking it so far, I think i’m going to stick with it for now.

How have you been ? How’s school ? Surely, you’re on break for the holidays right about now or at least when you get this letter. I hope that you're spending the break doing something fun.

I’m not going to make this very long, I’m sure you’ve been busy with whatever you’re doing right now.

Also, I’ve been meaning to ask. Have you located the mysteriously disappearing boyfriend yet ? I haven't seen anyone that fit your description.

well, that’s not true- I did and just to be sure I asked to see his collarbone, he looked at me like I was a mad man so I guess it wasn't him ?

Anyways, I hope you have a good holiday and you're probably gonna get this sometime between holidays, so merry belated (?) Christmas and happy New Years y/n.

Peace out,

Evan.

ps. medium or large, depending on what it is. Hopefully that answers your question weirdo.’

January 13th.

The morning of the 13th, he went down to check his mail. A box was there with his name on it, the return address was one he had only seen on an envelope. The box returned upstairs with him, setting it on the counter before opening it.

Upon opening it, there was a letter and some colourful tissue paper with what seemed like a sweater under it. He opened the letter first.

‘Dear Evan,

Happy New Years! How was your holiday going ? Did you do anything fun ?

I’ve been good and school is good too, I'm almost done my first year, isn't that crazy ? Just a few more months to go.

How’s your job as mr. mixologist going ? I'm sure you’ve met some wild people and heard some interesting stories.

As for the boyfriend situation, that's over. I’m not surprised to tell you the truth but it still kinda sucks. Anyways, so what happened was that his older brother had come home from college last year and brought a friend with him. She went to the same school as his brother but transferred to UCLA- anyways long story short, they hooked up while he and I were still together and he moved in with her after his mom helped him move into the apartment I thought he had.

But! I’m single and chilling now so it’s all good. (bonus, she cheated on him and left him so yeah)

I got you a little something for Christmas and as a “sorry for unloading all my boyfriend drama on you” present. I was in the gift shop and it made me think of you. Do you celebrate Christmas? I forgot to check oops. If you don't, count it as a just a “sorry for unloading all my boyfriend drama on you” present?

I got a large because I wasn't sure if it would fit. I hope you like it. That’s all for now.

Yours always, y/n.’

He unwrapped the tissue paper to see a blue sweater with the letters NYU on it. He smiled, he assumed that’s where you went. It was sweet that you took the time to get him something, even if it was a by the way thing. Not a lot of people would send something to a person they had been talking to via letters and halfway across the country.

February 12th.

2 days before Valentine's Day, your least favourite holiday of the year. You weren't looking forward to watching all your friends going on with their boyfriends and girlfriends. The mail had arrived while you were out, you picked it up and headed in. There were two envelopes with your name on it, a plain white one and a red one. The red envelope was more squared than rectangular, you assumed it was a card- both had the same sender name.

‘Hey y/n!

Thank you for the sweater, it was nice of you to think of me and get me something. I didn’t know we were doing gifts or I would have sent you something as well and yes, I do celebrate Christmas.

My job as ‘mr. mixologist’ was going well until I quit. It just didn’t feel like the right fit for me you know ? I'm going to see what else is out there for me.

Sorry to hear about your boyfriend, he seems like a douche. Who would cheat on you ? You seem great I mean at least you are on paper (did you get my joke, it’s hard to tell)

Also, remember how I was thinking I might actually give that first responder thing a try? Imagine me as a firefighter, that’s pretty cool right ?

So I kinda did a thing and signed up and then I got in. I started two weeks ago and it was kicking my ass at first but I've gotten a hang of it and things are going pretty well. There's three other Evans in my class so everyone calls me Buck-I kind of like it.

The other envelope, hopefully you opened this one first, is a little something for you for valentines. Hope you like it.

Peace out,

Buck’

The red envelope was on your lap, you pulled the edges carefully not wanting to rip it. Inside was a plain white card with bright red letters that made you laugh. The cover read ‘I’m not sick of you yet!” Opening the card, a $20 fell onto your lap. There was a little message inside that went along with the cash.

‘Since we aren't together and can’t spend valentines together, there’s some cash to get yourself a box of chocolates and a teddy bear. Happy Valentines Day y/n

Love, Buck.’

You smile, this was the first time that Buck had signed with ‘love, buck’ it had always been ‘peace out, buck.’ You tucked the card into the drawer, one you didn’t use very often so you knew it’d be safe there.

*4 years later*

A few weeks had passed since Buck had last heard from y/n. His last letter to her was at the end of June, telling her all about the day he had spent at Hen and Karen’s. He always described every little detail so vividly that it made her feel like she was there with him- but it was now July, end of actually and moving into August.

4 years had blown like nothing.

It felt like just yesterday he got the first letter in the mail. 4 years and they still had no idea what each other looked like but they knew every intricate and intimate detail about each other, their lives and the people in it.

Y/n and Buck had grown rather close over the last few months- more than they already were. Y/n just went through a pretty shitty break up and Buck wasn't exactly big on relationships as of right now.

He had just gotten home from work, his keys set on the counter when he realized that he forgot to check his mail. Stepping back out, there was a woman in the hallway and boxes scattered across her, leading into the apartment down the hall.

She must be his new neighbour.

He wanted to go over and introduce himself but she was busy telling the movers where to set her couch so he decided that he would check the mail and then introduce himself when he returned so he did just that.

Except, she was still busy.

She leaned against the wall, watching the movers move what looked like a coffee table. She glanced up to see Buck walking by, she smiled and he returned the smile.

Buck reaches his apartment, the mail in hand and steps in. He sorts through the pile, bills, ads, coupons and no letter from y/n.

---

Your new apartment was a mess. You decided it was time for a change. You applied to a few hospitals after your break up and the one in LA hired you. So you dropped everything and moved- no family, no ties.

A fresh start.

It was a nice neighbourhood and the building was quiet. The neighbours you met were pleasant and welcoming. When you were having the furniture moved in, there was a blonde man who smiled at you and you assumed he lived in the unit down the hall because that’s where he stepped into.

It was almost 11pm when you finally sat down. You had been on your feet all day and just wanted to eat something. The box with the dishes was beside the couch, you pulled the tape off and opened it. There was an envelope sitting on top of the stack of plates.

Buck’s last letter to you.

You must have tossed it into the boxes while packing and you forgot to write him back. Tumbling through the boxes, you find a sheet of paper and a pen from your bag. Sitting on the floor, the paper resting on an unopened box, you begin writing.

‘Dear Buck,

I’m sorry I've taken so long to get back to you. I quit my job, and uprooted my entire life. The break up sucked major ass as you know, so I decided it was time for a change.

Guess where I decided to go ?

Did you guess yet?

No, not Canada, why would you guess Canada ?

LA!

Yeah, isn't that crazy that I ended up here of all places? Maybe we could get together one day (if you haven’t turned into a crazy serial killer that is.)

Anyways, that’s why I've taken so long to write. I was packing when I got your letter and I tossed it in a box and just found it again. Anyways, I hope you’ve been good, how have things been at the station ?

I promise I'll write again with more details soon, I just have to get settled in first.

Yours always, y/n.’

Folding the paper, you slipped into an envelope. The address being scribbled into the back of the envelope. You were about to seal it when the building number caught your eye.

It was the same number as the place you moved into. The same address, the building number, the same floor.

The unit number was the only difference.

There was no way you moved into the building that Buck lived in.

You knew the address felt familiar when you saw the listing but you didn’t think anything of it nor did it occur to you that you knew the address.

Stepping out of your apartment, looking at the number on the room and back down at the envelope in your hand. Buck’s apartment was down the hall.

Part of you just wanted to mail it and keep things as it was but another part of you wanted to meet him, to see what he was really like in person. So there you were walking down the hallway at a quarter past 11 in the dead of the night to meet a man you had been sending letters to for the last 4 years.

The end of the hallway, you stared at the black wooden door in front of you. Your brain weighing the options right now: he’s a sweetheart and welcoming and makes you feel comfortable or he’s a weird guy who’s been lying to you this whole time and you told him everything about you and now he’s going to kill you.

Before you could register what you were doing, you knocked on the door.

Glancing down at yourself, you were wearing a pair of old shorts and a t-shirt from high school that you found in a drawer while packing. Not an ideal outfit, maybe he’s sleeping and you can go home and change- the door opened, a man wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt stood there. He looked like he had just woken up.

“Sorry, did I wake you?”

“It's alright,” he yawned, his hand covering his mouth as he blinked away a few tears. “What can I do for you ?” he leaned against the door.

“Um, this is an odd question-” you shifted, glancing down at the envelope in your hand. “Are you Buck ?”

“I am, who are you ?”

“Y/n.”

You had never seen a man wake up that fast, he seemed surprised, confused and concerned all in one. “How- uh, are you- What ?” he mumbled.

“I found your letter in the box after I moved, I moved into the apartment down the hall” you point to your left, Buck sticks his head out of the doorway and looks at the door you were pointing to. You were the woman in the hallway that he saw earlier, he knew you looked familiar.

“I just wrote your letter and I noticed that the addresses were the same, just a different unit number so I decided to come check. Sorry if I bothered you, we can talk another day- it’s late and you probably have work” “Would you like to come in?” he opens the door a bit more, looking to you for an answer.

“Um, okay sure.” stepping in, you can’t help but glance around. The apartment was similar to yours, the layout was a bit different though. “Can I get you something to drink ? Coffee, water ? A beer ?” he rounded the kitchen counter, you took a seat on one of the chairs by the counter.

“Water’s fine, thanks”

He reached for a bottle from the fridge, sliding it over to you. You gave him a smile, he leaned against the counter and was now looking- studying you.

“I know we’ve talked to each other for 4 years but this is kinda strange” you chuckled awkwardly, Buck can't help but smile.

“Yeah, it is, isn't it? but can I ask why you moved to LA?”

“Well all of that was in the letter” you slide the envelope across the counter and he picks it up, opening it. Giving him a few moments to read, you watch his expression like you were hoping for some insight as to how he was feeling or what he was thinking. He let out a laugh, “how’d you know I'd guess Canada ?” you smiled at him, a small wave of relief washing over you for some reason. “Lucky guess I suppose”

“Do you-” “What are-” the sentences cutting each other off, the two of you awkwardly smiling at each other. “You first” looking at him, he hums.

“Do you have work tomorrow or are you busy ?” His eyes meet yours, you found yourself leaning forwards towards the counter- towards him. He made you feel comfortable, you’d go as far as to say safe, in a way you’ve never felt before.

“No, I don't start until the 21st. Why ?”

“I was thinking - if you're not busy and if you want to, of course. Maybe I could take you out for breakfast and I could show you around ? Or lunch or dinner ? Whatever works for you actually” he rambles, fiddling with his fingers to avoid eye contact.

A small laugh slips past your lips causing him to look up, his brows furrowed as he studies your face, looking for an answer.

“Breakfast sounds good, what time should I be ready for ?”

“Uh, is 10 okay ?” he asks, you nod. “I’ll be ready for 10 then.”

“Okay, I'll pick you up” he smiles.

“Buck, we live in the same building.”

“Oh right,” he chuckles, “well I'll be by yours at 10 then” the two of you smiling at each other.

“Okay.”

----

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pantstomatch · 3 years

Note

I love your writing, and (the cliche, it burns) one day I'd like to publish too. But a lot of things have changed since the last time I was confident in trying to do this, and I wondered if you would talk about the process (getting an agent, that sort of thing) if you're comfortable and have the time. It's also cool if you privately respond, if you'd prefer, I'm just trying to figure out how to get started again? And so many tips are "publish on Amazon!"

Thank you!!!! Okay, so here’s the thing. I’m probably not the best person to ask about this, because I’m actually really bad at being published, but I can tell you some stuff that I’ve learned? That might be helpful? I ended up being long-winded, so (if tumblr works right here) everything is under the cut...

1. Querying!

So in general, querying sucks balls. Like… it’s probably the worst thing you’ll ever have to do. You’re gonna want to research what agents are looking for the kind of stuff you want to write or have written. Some are looking for certain genres or what they think is marketable, and you want to send your query to someone who’s open to what you have, or it’s a waste. Most likely the agency website or the agents “I’m looking for…” page or whatever will give you specific instructions on what to include in your query email - how the subject should be written, what they’re looking for, how many pages of your manuscript they want to see, how to attach it to the email and in what form, and if they want a synopsis of your novel. Some agents use Query Manager, which is basically a form you fill out and attach all the things they want, and you can go back in and edit it and it’s a nice way to keep track of your query. Next, they’re gonna (hopefully; some just never respond) either say no thank you very politely, or ask you for the full manuscript. Most of these agents will also give you a general timeline for a response, and if they’re open to a nudge from you or not. After that, they’ll either say no to the full manuscript, or welcome you aboard!

Most places allow you to send multiple queries out for the same work, meaning they’re not “exclusive,” except within their own agency. If they ask for a full manuscript, but before they get back to you, another agent has snapped you up, they’ll want you to let them know so they don’t waste their time on it. Occasionally, if they want to see your full manuscript, they’ll ask for you to not send the full manuscript to someone else until they’re done, or for you to tell them if someone else is looking at the full manuscript. You can also change your mind! You can email them and let them know you’ve decided to pull the novel out of consideration, maybe if you think it needs more editing.

I have never successfully queried. I found the whole thing demoralizing, and I did my first contract on my own, without an agent. This is something I don’t recommend because I had to figure out a lot of confusing shit on my own that I still don’t fully understand. And it also made me doubt my writing after the fact, because agents don’t give a shit if you’re already published, they’re focused solely on whatever you’re presenting them with. And then after that, I figured if I got another book out of my current editor, would I want to present that to the people who already didn’t like my writing? I have an agent for another project I’m working on, and the only reason I have her is because someone introduced us and told her I desperately needed help.

1a. So you found the agent(s) you think you like!

Other than the instructions/guidelines written out by the agency/agents that you’re interested in, you’re gonna need the most complete and fully edited version of your novel in hand. If they ask for your full manuscript, you absolutely should not say it’s not done. Make sure it’s finished, and preferably edited, before you send your query in. If they ask for a synopsis, hard pass. Ha ha ha, just kidding. No, really, arguably, this is going to be the hardest thing to write. A synopsis will suck your soul out of your body and make you weep blood. The only thing worse than querying is writing a synopsis for that query. I have never written a synopsis that I didn’t think was utter shit. I hate them.

Querytracker is a cool place to look up agents that you want to query and see how responsive (and nice) they are. It took me a little bit to figure out the abbreviations, though.

2. Pick your genre carefully

Unless you are a best selling author, they are never ever ever going to let you change genres. I mean, maybe if you wrote under a different name. Maybe. But they’ve bought your book based on how they think it will sell, and they’re going to want to sell you, too, and genre jumping is usually a no-go. This is, basically, one of the biggest things I hate, and one of the greatest things I love about fanfiction, that I can write whatever the fuck I feel like writing. So, you know, make sure you really really really want to write about what your first book is going to be about, because you’re going to be writing about that forever. And I don’t mean just YA vs New Adult vs Adult, although you need to take that into account too. I mean if you’re writing about high school regular kids, you probably can’t write about supernatural high school kids. You can’t write about high school kids in space. You can only write about regular high school kids. So.. think sci -fi vs fantasy vs historical vs contemporary, etc.

3. I hope you don’t hate people!

Do you want to go to a bookstore and talk in front of a crowd? Do you want to go to cons and network with other authors? Do you want to call up publications and volunteer for interviews? Do you want to talk about your books with strangers? Because I sure don’t. Publishing houses do the bare minimum of publicity for you for your book. First book, they’ll probably help set up some store signings. Going forward, if you weren’t proactive the first time around, they’re probably not going to do anything. If you’ve got some really good advance reviews, they’ll do ads. They’ll probably do the rote social media posts. But basically, you’re going to have to advocate for your book. You’re going to have to create your own brand. You’re going to have to make swag and send it out, call up bookstores, post constantly about it on twitter, buddy up to other authors, go places where you can network. And I will tell you that all of that is my nightmare. I don’t want to do any of that. I don’t like meeting new people. I had several panic attacks leading up my book signing, and the book signing itself was pretty bad. I’m just… not good with people. And, honestly, at my age, I don’t want to be any better. All it does is give me stress and hives, and to get over that I’d really really have to want to do it.

4. Personal perks?

Editors! I’ve worked with two awesome editors, and it’s amazing having someone to tell you how to fix things in a way that makes sense. By far, one of the only perks of being published for me. I absolutely don’t know for sure, but I always got the feeling that they expected more push back from me with their suggestions, but nope. I was open to everything, and that’s probably why the books worked so well, because editors absolutely know what they’re doing and only want what’s best for the book.

Holding a solid book of my work! Always awesome to hold that first book in your hands, with the beautiful cover work and everything. The fact that other people can read it and know it was me who wrote those words only counters that by about a half.

Money! Advances vary drastically, but, listen, the money kind of made the panic attacks worth it. A little.

5. Advances and royalties

The things I’ve read about advances is that too little, and you might think they have less confidence in you, and too much and you’re panicking about selling, because if you don’t earn out your advance, there’s a chance they won’t want to invest in you in the future. Generally, the way they work is they offer you a contract with the amount they are willing to “advance” you. This is basically saying, we think this book will give us this amount of money, and this is your share of that amount of money. You earn this out with royalties. When you sign the contract, you will get a certain amount of money, usually half of your offered advance. When you deliver the finished manuscript, after your editor and you have gone over it and it’s been approved, you’ll get the other half. A two book deal would be split into 4 parts, and you’d get the first 2 parts for signing the contract (1/4th for each book), the next part for the first finished manuscript, and then the last part for the second finished manuscript, generally after the first book is already published. After that, you won’t see any money until your royalties reach the amount they already paid you in advance. Unless otherwise negotiated, you’d get a royalty check twice a year. Your earnings from January to July would be sent to you in October, and your earnings for July to December would be sent to you in April. Since any books sold to bookstores and online stores can be returned to the publisher if unsold, they will usually “hold back” a certain amount at first, to make sure you’re really earning that royalty. Royalty statements themselves are a hot mess and I’ve never been able to read them, which is also a good reason to have an agent. An agent will get your money sent to them, make sure it’s the correct amount, take their cut, and then send you a check from them.

6. Self publishing

Okay, I know nothing about self publishing, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it if you have the right support system (ie editors). If you’re going to have to do a lot of the marketing yourself anyway, I don’t see how this is much different. Biggest thing would be the upfront cost, and making sure you make that cost worth it. Independent author S Usher Evans has some good advice for self publishing - Sush’s worked very hard at it, and started her own publishing company. Also, @qwanderer might be a good resource, I think they use Lulu, which is a really cool self publishing site.

Uhhhh, so that’s a lot of info and also not a lot of info, so please feel free to ask me anything else, and I really hope I haven’t made this harder for you to get started ha ha ha. I think the best thing to do is to figure out what you want to write and write it and just… go from there. If you really love what you have, someone else is going to love it, too.

And if anyone’s had a different experience or thinks I got something wrong or has more/better advice for @heyninja, let me know!

#heyninja #replies #publishing advice #my two cents #writing

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lucysweatslove · 2 years

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1/20/2022: The Day Has Come, and Now the Fates are Changing

The day has come, a new horizon shining.

-Marching on Versailles, Ad Infinitum

It snowed a couple days ago, and the earth is still covered with a cool white blanket. I like snow from a few days after Thanksgiving up until Christmas festivities are over. So, not in January. When I see snow in January, I start to get a headache from the monotony of the colors, lack of effective shadowing, and general just... dead-ness of it all. Also, any time I'm outside when it's actively snowing, I get nauseous from the snow itself because my eyes and brain struggle to focus. People who know me in person know I think this time of year is just gross.

I don't see the snow changing any time soon. Highs for the next couple weeks barely breech mid-30s. But, despite how gross it is outside, I'm starting to feel like spring is coming instead of just feeling trapped in an unending winter.

First, work. Everything has been really weird lately, but it's improving a bit. First, my chief noticed that we don't have a lot of patients tomorrow for the providers I work for, so she gave me and a coworker the chance to decide who wanted the day off. I deferred to my coworker because a) she has seniority, and b) I don't know what her needs are for the job, but I don't need the hours since we don't rely on my income or any benefits of the job. And now I don't have to work tomorrow except for a 15 min team meeting. Also, since I WFH, I clock out whenever I'm not able to do anything productive because it impacts our metrics and seems like... idk, time theft. I'd rather spend that time doing stuff for me than sitting on my butt doing nothing productive for the company. This morning was only 45 minutes and then about 3 more hours after my husband's post-op. Not bad at all.

Which brings us to that, my husband's post-op. He had the staples removed today, x-rays of the prosthesis look great, and he can start adding weight in a couple weeks. In 4 weeks he should be able to go full weight bearing. This was such a milestone for us.

I also got a notification that my Chacos were shipped back to me. I sent them in to fix the toe strap tightening while I walk, an issue that meant I didn't really get to use them last year... but I'm not sure if they actually did the repair. I shipped them out on Tuesday, and they were delivered this morning at 8AM. I was expected them to sit around for a few weeks.... but I got an email at ~2:30 that they had shipped them back to me. So, I'm holding out hope that they got to fix them super quickly and when they return to me on Sunday, the issue will be fixes.

I'm still struggling with eating a bit- just not really wanting anything, and not wanting to cook or really prepare meals or recipes- and my motivation to move my body is like. 0. But, I think tomorrow with my unexpected day off work will do me wonders- I can wake up slow, take time to do the dishes, and hopefully once that it is done, I'll feel more at peace in the kitchen again. I also want to try to get to the gym tomorrow- I like mid-afternoon (~2:30-3PM) gym sessions because it's not staffed at those times. Fingers crossed I still feel this good tomorrow :)

#personal #journal

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yeongwvnhi · 3 years

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》만나다《

Supernatural creatures AU

Taglist (send an ask if you want to be added): @twancingyunhoe @vickylamore @glxwingstar @se0--0ho @seohospepe

Genre: angst!!, fluff, suggestive

Rating: 16+

General Warnings: Supernatural creatures (vampires, werewolves etc), blood, violence, weapons, language, death, poisoning and just dark themes in general.

Chapter Specific Warnings: mentions of a funeral and a mortuary,talking about death, blood and talking about internal bleeding, needles, refusing to eat (mentioned once), talking about cause and time of death (mentioned once), mentions of a lack of anatomical activity, lots of crying lol

Pairing: ONEUS x fem reader 》 choose your ending

Synopsis: somehow you came back to life just about a day after dying, scaring the poor guys who work at the mortuary one late night as you flee, not knowing where to go before they found you.

Word count: 3k [thanks to @moongaera for beta-reading <3]

–> for reference: Y/N - Your Name,, N/N - Nickname

》Previous《》Next《》Masterlist《

》><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><《

"Hyung, stop thinking about what could have been" Leedo interrupts the sorcerer's train of thoughts. "I know what you're thinking and it's not your fault. No one is mad at you for failing. You tried your best"

Seoho remains silent and Leedo sighs, the two of them making their way back to their residence.

"Oh you're ba- What happened?!" The owner of the house greets them first, almost losing it at the smell of blood and the way the two men's hands are covered in the now dark red/brown-ish substance.

"Seoho Hyung was asked to try and save someone, but turns out the poor girl got so heavily poisoned he was powerless" Leedo explains. "I'll explain to you in a bit, we're just gonna go and wash up"

The man just nods and watches the two of them walk away with pity swimming in his eyes. He knows how much it hurts his friend to not be able to help someone who so desperately needs it.

—

"Hwanseok.." your mother speaks and puts her hands on your father's shoulders. "We should… organize Y/N's funeral"

Yongjun hasn't come out of his room again after Haeryeong explained to him that you, his older sister he looked up to, has died.

Your father just nods, knowing he has to let go.

So about an hour later a van from the city's mortuary came and got your body. Your parents filled out all the papers regarding your burial and watched as the workers drove away.

—

Everything was pitch black and so… cold. But not the kind of cold that made you shiver, no, that type of cold that keeps you cool but at just the right temperature. It's hard to describe, yet you found comfort in it.

It's like you're dreaming of nothing but that nothing was still something.

And you felt heavy. So damn heavy that you can't move a muscle, it's like you're paralyzed.

The only thing that indicates you're still somehow awake were the distant voices. You couldn't differentiate them except for one deep voice.

After that, you kinda flaked out and now you were just confused. What was happening? and why couldn't you wake up or anything? Because it felt like an eternity.

—

"J-Junghwa please tell us you're pulling a sick prank on us right now" a close friend of yours says with a shaky voice.

"Yeah! No way- No way did that happen!" Hae-in also says, tears welling up in her eyes. "You were with her, what happened?!"

Junghwa rubs his face and looks at the three girls in front of him. "I'm telling the truth - I swear I am! I had to get the Necromancer but even his efforts were in vain. She died and her parents probably already had someone pick her up…"

Hae-in breaks out in tears, sobbing into her hands before Yura takes her into her arms, also silently crying.

"This feels so unreal" Hana says, trying hard to not break down as well.

"I know… I'll miss her so much" Junghwa says, eyes getting glassy. "I just… thought I'd let you guys know.."

Yura and Hana nod at him while Hae-in continues sobbing into Yura's shoulder.

Junghwa turns around and wipes his eyes, making his way back home.

—

"Seoho, how do you feel today?"

"Numb"

"You have to eat" He says, pushing the plate of toast towards him. "Woong is going to short-circuit when he realizes you are not eating the breakfast he prepared for you"

"But I don't feel like eating, Hyung" The sorcerer fights back, hands going up to hold onto his head. "I just failed a very influential and nice man! I couldn't save his daughter because I didn't see what poisoned her!"

The older one frowns and sits down next to his friend, taking his hands and looking him in the eye. "Listen Seoho, this is not your fault. Everyone makes mistakes and it does not help you one bit if you dwell on them. Instead, take them as a lesson for what you can do better next time. There is always a chance for you to prove yourself and this was not the last one, okay?"

The sorcerer feels tears building up in his eyes at his Hyung's words and nods quietly, afraid his voice will break if he speaks.

The older one gently guides Seoho's head to his shoulder and lets him cry it out. He understands the pain his younger friend feels almost too well.

The younger one of the two quickly composes himself and wipes away his tears. "Thank you H-Hyung"

Said man just smiles gently and pats his shoulder. "It's okay"

"Seo-ie Hyung~ did you eat your food?"

"Ah shit, here we go…"

—

You could feel your senses coming back to you one by one, hearing being the first.

"Cause of death?"

"Spirit-Iron and Vampire-Root poisoning and rapid internal bleeding"

"Time and date of death?"

"4:37pm, January 25th 2920"

"Name and age?"

"L/N Y/N, 23"

"Species?"

"W-"

The two men got interrupted by a loud banging noise.

"Ah shit, what did the intern do this time again"

"We should check it out, it's not like she's going anywhere"

"You're right, let's go"

That's when you opened your eyes, sterile white light shining down on you as you sat up.

To your surprise you were still in your clothes which were soaked in blood, but luckily not sticking to you anymore. You sat up and your feet met the ground.

You tiptoe around the examination table and towards the door, carefully peeking around before navigating your way through the building with the help of signs hung up.

"HOLY FUCK!!" you hear one of the two men scream. "THE CORPSE IS GONE! WHAT THE FUCK!!"

You were surprised you weren't panicking, but that was a problem for later as you sprinted outside and into the forest which was near the mortuary, not paying attention to your surroundings.

—

"What?" Your father's voice sounded through the living room and your Mother peered up. "What do you mean 'her corpse is gone'???"

Haeryeong could feel the feeling of dread creep up inside of her as she listened to what Hwanseok was saying.

"Oh god" he mumbles. "N-No I don't think you should try and find her body- I'll take care of it. Yeah goodbye"

"What the hell happened?" Haeryeong asks, eyes wide.

"The mortuary called and said Y/N's body is gone" Hwanseok explains, "this must be some sick joke"

"Do you think the Necromancer has something to do with it?"

"As much as I want to believe he's not at fault, he's the only one who's capable of such thing"

"What do you plan to do, Hwanseok?" Haeryeong asks, eyebrows furrowed in worry.

"I'm going to pay him a little visit tomorrow"

—

You finally stopped running when you felt like you were far enough into the woods, sitting down against a tree.

That's when you started noticing the details.

No breathing, no racing heartbeat or pulse, no sense of fear or threat.

What the hell was going on? Weren't you just on your way home from that frat party with Junghwa? Your drink tasted weird and everything was spinning until it just went black.

Did someone put a weird potion into your drink?

You don't know for how long you've been sitting there, but it somehow felt like an eternity and it dawned on you that you were most probably dead.

The lack of a heartbeat and breathing was worrying and so fucking confusing, if your body would still be able to you would've totally panicked. Yet here you were, sitting totally calm against the bark of a tree, trying to grasp the situation.

It was just so illogical how your brain is still working but your heart doesn't beat. It defies all the knowledge of the body's anatomy and it drives you wild.

Slowly getting up again you try and see where you can go, but everything is just so dark and you can't see past the thick trees and small rays of light the moon provides, but you heard what felt like every little noise.

And then the crunching of leaves and twigs snapping got your attention, head whipping around to look towards where the noise was coming from.

You were on high alert as you kept your eyes on the spot.

"Are you lost?" A male voice asks you, but you remain silent and press yourself against the tree. "Hey don't be scared"

You hold your tongue at the snarky reply that was about to slip out when the man steps forward onto a spot illuminated by the moonlight.

"Who are you?" You ask, getting ready to defend yourself.

"I-" the guy stumbles over his words, probably not having expected this question, "I'm Seoho, the Necromancer"

That's when you notice the black outline of the Spellmark around his left eye, a stark contrast to his light skin.

You take a tentative step forward, more into the moonlight and you see the man's eyes widen. "No- No this can't be real"

Furrowing your brows and tilting your head you ask him, "what can't be real? Do I know you?"

He sinks to his knees in what looks like shock and you go closer, squatting down in front of him. "Hey what's wrong?"

Seoho looks almost mortified as his eyes meet yours. "I-I watched you die just a few hours ago! There w-was so much blood!"

A confused pout forms on your lips as you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. "That explains a lot…" You mumble, "I woke up in this mortuary and ran into the forest without knowing where to go"

Your little explanation seems to have stirred something in the guy as a sob wrecks his body and you don't know what to do with yourself right then and there. "Hey- please don't cry!"

He laughs dryly and wipes his eyes. "I'm sorry this is just- overwhelming"

"But aren't you used to seeing dead people come back to life?" You ask.

To your surprise Seoho shakes his head. "That's what everyone thinks, you know?" He sniffs a little and regains his composure. "But I have only ever revived one person"

"Oh"

"Yeah so… it's kind of new to me" He says, "and I actually didn't revive you, Y/N"

"What? Hold up- what?" You're taken aback by his statement and look into his eyes, disregarding the fact that he knows your name. "What do you mean? Are you saying I came back to life by myself??"

He runs a hand through his black hair, exposing his forehead briefly before answering you. "It looks like you did, yeah. I don't know how that's possible but-"

"Hyung, where did you run off to?!" Someone yells from a distance away and you see the man tense.

"You should go back to your friend, I'm sure he's worried" you suggest and stand up. "I think I'll go back home-"

"No!" Seoho frantically exclaims and you give him a surprised look. "I mean- don't go home! I should check up on you first!"

Playing with your fingers, you think about it for a second before the new voice calls out again.

"Seo-ie Hyung~" he chimes. "Where are you~"

The sorcerer gives you a pleading look as he also rises back onto his feet, his taller figure slightly towering over you.

"Fine" you give in and a smile breaks out on his face, a cute eye smile hiding his eyes in a crescent moon shape.

"Hyungie I found you!" The voice exclaims from behind Seoho and quick footsteps approach you two as the guy jumps onto the older one's back. "Ohhh who's that?"

The guy is shorter than Seoho and his hair a bright pink, his eyes flashing yellow for a second as he curiously blinks at you.

"Uh.. hi?" You awkwardly greet and wave your hand at him.

He hops down from Seoho's back and approaches you, circling around your figure. "How would you never want to die?"

The question catches you off guard and you furrow your brows while watching his movements. "I guess being burnt alive sounds pretty gruesome"

He starts laughing hysterically only to stop after a few seconds. "I see~" he says and stands in front of you, holding out his hand for you to shake while Seoho watches you two closely. "I'm Hwanwoong! What about you?"

You take his hand cautiously and shake it, his strong grip startling you slightly, not having expected someone of his size to be so strong. But then again; never judge a book by its cover. "I'm Y/N"

"Your hand is awfully cold, N/N-ie" He comments. "Are you sick?"

"Uhm-"

"Woongie, that's enough" Seoho finally steps in, "we should head back, yeah?"

Hwanwoong releases his grip on your hand and nods with a big smile. "Should I hurry back first and tell Grumpy Hyung about your guest?"

You hold back a laugh at what he called his older friend.

"Yeah, do that" Seoho nods and cracks a smile. "But don't call him Grumpy, you know he hates that"

"That's why he is grumpy hyung! But okay, I'm going~" Hwanwoong giggles like a child and starts running away.

"I'm sorry for this… weird encounter" The sorcerer turns to you with a sheepish smile. "You know how shapeshifters are"

"It's fine don't worry" you wave it off, "he's actually quite alright"

Seoho snorts at what you said and clears his throat. "Just wait until he has a fit… then he's not so alright anymore"

"Wh-"

"We should go now"

You bite back the question you were going to ask and opt for just nodding as you follow beside him, navigating through the woods.

—

"Are we there soon? It feels like we've been walking for days" You complain and Seoho chuckles.

"Don't worry we'll be there in 2 more minutes, Y/N"

Then you suddenly realized that he knew your name before you even told him or his friend.

"Wait.. you knew my name before"

"Did you forget what I said? About watching you die under my hands?"

"No.."

"Your father had someone get me"

You remain silent, since it made perfect sense now.

Seoho leads the way through a particular dark part of the forest before a giant building comes into view.

"That's it" He says and looks at you.

"Woah" You comment in astonishment and meet his gaze. "This is where you live?"

The sorcerer gives you a proud smile and nods. "Yup. I live here with five other friends. They're my family"

A soft smile also reaches your face.

"Ohh Seo-ie Hyung is back!" Hwanwoong's voice is loud as he practically yells that.

Both Seoho and you turn your gazes to the front door, Hwanwoong's bright pink hair standing out against the dark interior, a taller man in a red suit standing next to him.

Seoho takes a hold of your wrist and drags you towards them. "Hey Hyung" he greets the taller one. "Did Woongie tell you?"

"Yeah" the guy nods, his attention then on you. "May I ask for your name?"

He speaks very… formal, detached even, you notice. "I'm L/N Y/N"

The man gives you a tight smile. "You can call me Ravn for now. Nice to make your acquaintance"

"Ah, me too" you awkwardly bow a bit, making a chuckle erupt from the tall guy.

"Let's head inside" Seoho speaks up again and enters with you first up, practically shoving you inside before the other two follow close behind.

He shows you into a hospital-like room and makes you sit down on one of the four beds. "I'll be right back okay? I just need to get my assistant"

"Alright" you nod and watch him leave, closing the door behind him so you decide on just looking around the room.

It looks pretty sterile, IV-Bags next to every bed but without fluid, monitors of all kinds and also a sink next to the door. It looks like they took lots of instruments from a hospital room.

You don't remember where you heard it, but you're pretty sure someone once told you that the Necromancer's healing abilities were pretty weak, so he had to rely a lot on potions and normal things like they are in here.

Just when you finished your thought, the door opened again.

"No way" a green haired man says and looks at you, calmly sitting on the bed while Seoho closes the door behind them. "You- How?"

"I told you, I don't know. That's why I got you to help me check her up"

The two guys go and grab some stuff from around the room and put it on the table next to the bed you're sitting on.

"Hey uhm" you speak up, "I heard you're not that good with healing stuff"

A pang of hurt flashes across his face for a second after your comment.

"Ah! I'm not making fun of you! It's just that-" with frantic hand motions you try to explain yourself, "I'm one of the best healers in this land so maybe I could help you out..?"

The hurt in his face immediately gets replaced with relief and he exchanges glances with his companion. "I mean, I don't see why not" Seoho bashfully smiles at you. "It would mean a lot to me"

You smile back at him. "Okay we can talk about that later, right? What kind of stuff do you need to check?"

"Well first of all we need to check your blood" the green haired guy starts explaining, "then we need to check your vitals and brain activity and lastly abilities"

"No physical tests or anything?" You ask and raise a brow.

"What Leedo forgot to say" Seoho now answers, "is that yes, we will do physical tests, but they come after the stuff he listed"

"Ohh I see" you nod in understanding.

Seoho goes to grab a syringe and you watch him closely. "I hope you're not afraid of needles"

"Actually I am" you reply, bending back a bit to get away from the instrument. "I've always hated them"

A frown pulls on the sorcerer's lips. "I'm sorry. We do need a bit of your blood though…"

You fight yourself for a few seconds before giving in. "Please make it quick" and the man nods, patting your knee briefly.

#yuki writes #kwritersworldnet #oneuswewriters #oneus #oneus angst #tw funeral #tw mortuary #tw blood #tw needles #tw ed mention #내꺼 하자 #yeongwvnhi.txt

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