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#and was struggling and just decided to think of it as drawing

thewulf · 1 day

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Second Sunrise || Dallas "Dally" Winston

Summary: Request - Dally x buck merril's cousin!reader who buck adopted bc her parents were abusing her.

A/N: Ahhh protective Dally is the best kind of Dally!! This is a heavier one, please look at the trigger warnings before reading. Hope you guys enjoy.

Pairing: Dallas "Dally" Winston x Female Reader (Buck Merril Cousin)

Word Count: 5.2k +

TW: ABUSE, talks of abuse, hitting, bruises, cuts, blood, threats of violence, general Outsiders warnings

The night at Buck's Rodeo Bar was buzzing with life. The jukebox played a raucous country tune while laughter and the clink of beer glasses filled the air. Neon lights cast a glow over the rustic scene illuminating the wood-paneled walls adorned with rodeo memorabilia. Behind the bar, Buck Merril, the owner, and a towering figure with an easy smile, was busy serving drinks. He handed another beer to Dallas "Dally" Winston who wasn’t just a regular; he lived in the small apartment right above the bar.

"Here’s another on the house," Buck said, wiping his hands on a towel. "So, Dal, still finding trouble or is trouble finding you?" He smirked knowing how tuned into trouble his friend was.

Dally was reclining against the bar with his leather jacket just catching the light gave Buck a wry grin. "A bit of both, I guess. Keeps life interesting. What’s been going on with you?"

Buck's gaze shifted to the end of the bar where a young woman was quietly serving customers. His expression softened a bit as he nodded towards her. "You see that girl over there? The one with the tray full of drinks?"

Dally followed Buck’s nod, observing her. She seemed out of place with her reserved demeanor. Almost too gentle for the rough-and-tumble crowd of the bar. "Yeah, I see her. What about her?"

"That’s my cousin," Buck revealed. His voice lowering even as he kept his tone casual. "Took her in a few months back. Found her in a real bad way... her folks were the ones hurting her. Had to step in and bring her here."

The typical hardness in Dally’s eyes softened. A rare flicker of concern showing through as he took a longer look at her. "That’s rough. How’s she doing now?"

"She’s getting by day by day. It’s tough though, especially at night," Buck explained as his eyes tracked her movements. You skillfully avoided drawing attention to yourself. "She doesn’t talk much about it… tries to keep her head down."

Dally nodded slowly. His usual detached demeanor shifting towards something more thoughtful. "She got a name?"

"Her name's Y/N," Buck said, a touch of pride in his voice. "She's a tough one but you know how it is... the past has a way of holding on."

Dally took a sip of his beer. His gaze lingering on you as you laughed softly at something a customer said. "Maybe I’ll introduce myself, see if she needs anything. Living up here it’d be good to have someone to talk to who understands."

Buck clapped Dally on the back, grateful. "I’d appreciate that and I think she would too. She could use a friend around here."

As Buck moved off to attend to another customer Dally watched you carefully across the bar. There was a quiet strength about you that reminded him of his own struggles, sparking an unexpected sense of kinship. He decided he'd make the first move later that night. A simple gesture of solidarity from one survivor to another.

On a chilly a few months prior during the evening Buck was at a local bar, not his own. He was just enjoying a quiet drink away from his usual crowd. The place was less crowded, dimly lit, with the usual murmur of hushed conversations filling the air.

At the far end of the bar Buck overheard a familiar voice rising above the low din. It was his uncle, Y/N's father, drunk and bitterly ranting to anyone who would listen. Buck’s ears perked up as the harsh words cut through the buzz of the bar.

"Yeah, that worthless girl of mine," his uncle slurred, his voice dripping with contempt, "Nothing but a dumb whore. Ain’t good for nothing but to kick around. She’s just like her mother. Can’t do nothing right."

The bar’s patrons shifted uncomfortably. Some trying to ignore the man, others glancing sympathetically towards Buck knowing the already strained relationship. Buck’s jaw tightened with anger and a fierce protectiveness rising within him. He had known your home life was troubled, but the cruel reality had never been so blatantly laid out before him.

With a hard slam of his glass on the counter Buck stood up, his decision made in an instant. He left the bar and drove straight to your house. His mind racing with every turn of the wheel. When he arrived, the scene was as bad as he had feared, maybe worse.

He found you in the corner of her dimly lit living room. Your form small and battered. A stark contrast to the storm raging outside. Your mother was the only other person present, her demeanor anxious and defensive as Buck burst through the door.

"What the hell is going on here?" Buck’s voice thundered through the small space as he quickly assessed the situation. His eyes darting from you to your mother.

Your mother tried to intercept him with her voice shaky. "Buck, you shouldn’t be here—"

"It’s too late for that," Buck cut her off. His voice firm and resolute. "I just heard that excuse of a father of hers at the bar, bragging about how he treats Y/N. I’m taking her with me. She’s not staying here another minute."

Overwhelmed and cornered your mother wilted under Buck’s stern gaze. "You can’t just take her. She—"

"I’m not asking," Buck stated flatly. His decision was clear in his tone. "I’m telling you how it’s going to be. If you have any objections we can go through the authorities."

He approached you, his demeanor softening as he reached out to help you up. "Let’s go, Y/N. You’re safe now. You’re with me." With a comforting hand on your back Buck led you out of the house and into the safety of his car. The rain started as the two of you drove away washing over the car.

Dally watched you move through the bar. Your interactions tinged with the newfound stability that Buck had given you. His thoughts on your resilience deepened. His respect for Buck’s bold intervention reinforcing his desire to get to know you better. The bond of shared struggles was forming, unspoken yet palpable in the busy bar.

You moved with a gentle grace. Your smile was warm yet reserved as you took orders and delivered drinks. Your interactions were polite and professional, yet there was a hint of wariness in your eyes. A shadow that seemed to linger from your past. As you paused to reset a table, straightening the condiments, and wiping down the surface, your attention to detail spoke of someone who took pride in your work. Dally thought that perhaps you found solace in the routines.

Dally’s gaze followed your movements until he found himself standing up, driven by an impulse to bridge the gap between them. He approached the bar where she was lining up drinks on a tray.

"Hey," Dally started. His voice slightly hesitant as he leaned against the bar. "You’re Y/N, right? Buck’s cousin?"

You looked up with a flicker of surprise crossing your features before you nodded hesitantly, clearly unsure of the man standing before you. "Yeah, that’s me. And you are?"

"Dally," he replied offering a small, reassuring smile. "I live upstairs. Heard a lot about you from Buck. Said you’re tough. I can respect that."

A trace of a smile touched your lips. Your guard lowering just a bit. "Thanks, I guess. It’s been a... well, it’s been quite a time adjusting here."

Dally picked up a coaster, spinning it between his fingers. "I get it. Had my share of rough patches too. Buck’s a good guy, though. You landed in a decent spot."

"Yeah he’s been great," You agreed with him. Your hands busying themselves with the drinks attempting to hide a slight tremor. "I’m just trying to make the best of it now."

"Mind if I help you carry these over?" Dally gestured towards the tray. He was eager to extend the interaction, to find more common ground with you. You seemed so hesitant and afraid. Not that he could blame you.

You paused for a fraction of a second before nodding. "Sure, that’d be nice. Table six, over there."

As you walked over to the table together Dally felt the initial awkwardness begin to dissipate. "So, you ever think about what’s next or you just taking it one day at a time?"

"One day at a time, really," You said as you reached the table being careful to set down the drinks with a thankful smile from the patrons. "But I like it here. It feels like a fresh start away from… them."

Dally nodded feeling a kinship in your words. "Fresh starts are good. Hard but good. If you ever need someone to talk to or anything, I’m just upstairs. Sometimes it helps talking to someone who gets it."

You looked at him with your expression softening further. "Thanks Dally. I might just take you up on that offer." For the first time in a while a genuine smile crossed your face at his words.

Over the next few weeks, a subtle shift began to unfold between you and Dally at Buck’s bar. What started as casual exchanges of small talk over the bar counter deepened into late-night conversations that lingered long after the last customer had left.

One evening as the neon signs were turned off and the bar quieted down you found yourself sitting at one of the tables with Dally with a deck of cards spread out between you. He had insisted on teaching you poker, claiming that it was a sin you didn’t know how to play. That got a laugh out of you as you agreed with him. The game was merely a pretense. It was a backdrop to the intimate dialogue that wove between you two. You touched on topics neither of you usually shared with others.

"So, do you have any dreams? Like things you wanna do now that you’ve got a fresh start?" Dally asked. His hands idly shuffling the cards almost afraid to look into your eyes.

You paused as you traced the wood grain of the table with your finger. "I don’t know," you confessed softly. "I used to think a lot about traveling. Seeing places that are totally different from here. Maybe write about them. But that doesn’t really seem possible. What about you?" You tried your best to flip it around on him.

Dally let out a soft, wistful laugh. "Me? I’ve never been much of a dreamer. Always been about getting through the day. But I guess, maybe, finding some peace? Could be nice to have a real shot at something stable, you know?" He’d told you all about his shitty situation that made your heart hurt for him. How could anyone be so cruel to him? Sure, he had a rough exterior but had anybody ever tried to get to know Dallas Winston? He was a sweetheart through and through. Albeit a little awkward about it but he always seemed to put your needs ahead of his. How could you not start to fall for him?

Your eyes met then met his with a mutual understanding crossing between you. Both of you knew what it was like to long for something more than just survival, more than the daily struggles that had so often defined your lives.

As autumn deepened and the nights grew colder your meetings at the bar became a regular fixture. Sometimes you would both sit in silence each lost in your own thoughts yet comforted by the presence of the other. Other times you would share stories of your pasts—guarded tales of pain and resilience that you entrusted to each other.

One winter evening as you walked back from a nearby diner that Dally and you had become accustomed to you wrapped your arms around yourself against the chill. Dally noticed and without a word draped his jacket over your shoulders. Neither of you broached the subject of what the hell was going on. Rather you simply just decided to enjoy the others company. It was easy with him. A rarity in your fucked up world.

"Thanks," you murmured. Your cheeks flushing slightly as you pulled the jacket tighter around you. “You sure? It’s cold.”

"I’m sure. It’s nothing," Dally replied with his voice low. "You know, talking to you... it’s the first time in a long while I’ve felt like someone actually gets it." His eyes looked everywhere but yours. A slight flush crossed his features as he admitted so. You’d come to learn how difficult these emotional conversations were for him. But you did get it. They were hard for you too. Neither of you were raised with love. You were always the second thought. The bitch daughter or the troubled son.

You nodded to him with your eyes reflecting the streetlights. "I feel the same. It’s weird, isn’t it? How talking can make things seem a bit lighter." You tried reassuring him with your words.

You continued your walk-in comfortable silence, whatever it was between the two of you growing with every shared glance and laugh. By the time you reached the bar again your laughter echoed softly in the empty street. You’d never laughed so much in your life as you did when you were with him.

The bar was alive with the usual Friday night revelry as you knew Buck needed your help. Once you entered the bar you waved Dally off with that genuine smile he adored so much. The air was filled with laughter and the twang of country tunes. You stood behind the bar pouring drinks and sharing easy smiles. You felt more secure and content than you ever had in your life. Dally was there too. He didn’t want to leave or go upstairs after your dinner not date. He watched you from across the room with a protective gaze that had become a comforting fixture in your life.

But the fragile peace shattered the moment your father staggered through the door.

His arrival cut through the noise like a cold front. His eyes scanning the crowd until they landed on you behind the bar. With a cruel smirk twisting his lips he made his way over to you. Each step heavy with menace. You tensed when he stood in front of you. Your hands gripped the edge of the bar trying to ground yourself back into the situation. Why? Why couldn’t he have just left you alone? It’d been months and you hadn’t heard from him. Why did he have to come now?

"Y/N.” He spit your name out with vengeance. “You think you can hide from me?" He slurred. His voice loud and filled with malice. He reached over the bar grabbing your arm and yanking you towards him. You should’ve expected it, but the shock of his arrival had you paralyzed. His other hand struck your face. His ring cutting a sharp line across your cheek. You let out a quiet yelp as the pain burned bright.

The bar fell silent. The music fading into the background. Before you could react, Dally was there in an instant. His presence like a storm. He grabbed your father by the collar and threw him back with such force that your father stumbled and fell onto his back with a heavy thud.

"You lay your hands on her again and I swear it'll be the last thing you do," Dally thundered, standing over him. His fists clenched and ready. His breathing was heavy as he looked like he truly would kill him should he try that again.

Your father, sprawled on the floor, looked up at Dally with a mix of shock and rage. "You stupid worthless whore!" he spat at you. His words echoing through the now silent bar. He jumped to his feet attempting to get his hands back on you.

Dally’s response was swift though. His fist connected with your father's face, a sharp, resounding impact that sent him back to the ground, blood spattering from his lip. All you could do was gape at the situation unfolding before you.

Buck rushed over appearing out of nowhere. His face set in a hard line. "That's enough!" he declared standing beside Dally. His eyes bore the same expression of Dally’s, "Get out of my bar and don't come back. Next time I'm calling the cops."

With a hand from Dally your father was hauled to his feet and shoved towards the door. His exit was met with relieved sighs and a few scattered claps from the patrons, but the atmosphere remained tense. You couldn’t seem to focus on what would come next as your eyes were trained on Dallas and only him.

As the door slammed shut behind your father leaving the bar in an uneasy silence. Dally turned his gaze back on you. His heart nearly shattered seeing your bleeding face mixing with a few tears that’d slipped down. He could see the pain flicker across your face not just from the cut but from the reopened wounds of your past. Slowly he walked back over to you with his hands up. He didn’t want to freak you out further than you were. With a gentle touch that contrasted sharply with the fierce protection he had just displayed Dally leaned in close.

"Come on sweetheart. Let's get that cleaned up," he said softly nodding towards the staircase that led to his apartment above the bar.

You hesitated. A mix of emotions swirling within you—gratitude, relief, but also a deep-seated fear from the confrontation. Sensing your hesitation Dally offered a reassuring smile. "I promise you, you're safe with me."

Trusting him you allowed Dally to lead you up the stairs to his modest living space. The apartment was small but welcoming with a warmth that felt comforting after the cold violence of the night. Dally guided you to a seat at the small kitchen table, then wet a clean cloth with warm water and approached you gently.

"May I?" he asked. His tone was more tender than you’d ever heard from him. You nodded and he carefully dabbed at the cut on your cheek. His touch was so light you could barely feel it. As he tended to your wound the kindness of the act—so at odds with the harshness you had grown used to—overwhelmed you and a fresh set of tears began to stream down your face.

Dally brow furrowed in concern. "Hey, it's okay," he murmured while he set aside the cloth to pull a chair up close beside you. He sat down. His brown eyes searching yours. They were so full of empathy. "You don't have to hold it all in, sweetheart. Not here."

You looked into Dally’s eyes seeing there not just the rugged survivor of the streets, but a kindred spirit who had seen his share of pain and still chose kindness. With a shaky breath you leaned into him, your head resting against his shoulder.

Dally wrapped his arms around you holding you gently. "You're safe here, Y/N. As long as you need, as long as you want."

In that quiet space with Dally's steady presence enveloping you, the fear and tension that had knotted in your chest began to dissolve. His apartment was small and unassuming, but it felt like a sanctuary and his embrace a shield against the chaos of your past.

The night wound down quietly with you and Dally sitting together. The two of you talked softly about nothing and everything until the early morning light began to seep through the curtains. It was the first night in forever where you felt truly safe, truly seen.

As the first light of dawn painted the walls of Dally's apartment a soft, warm hue, the room was filled with a sense of quiet intimacy that had grown over the course of the night. Sitting side by side on the worn couch both you and Dally were enveloped in a reflective silence. The kind that follows after a storm of emotions.

Dally was the first to break the silence,. His gaze fixed on the faint light peeking through the blinds before turning to look at you. "You know," he began with his voice low and a little rough from the long night, "tonight was a mess, but it kinda cleared up something for me."

Your heart fluttered with a mix of anticipation and nervousness as you met his eyes. "What's that?" you asked softly. You were almost afraid to hear the answer but desperate to know.

Dally took a deep breath as his hand found yours. His fingers gently intertwining with yours. "It's you," he said simply. "All this craziness... it made me realize how much I care about you. More than I thought possible, actually."

Hearing his words a warmth spread through you, mingling with the fatigue from the night’s events. You squeezed his hand, the gesture simple but filled with meaning. "Dally, I feel the same. I didn't know how to say it before, but you've become so important to me."

The corner of Dally’s mouth lifted in a half-smile. A hint of his usual cockiness peeking through his tired features. "Yeah? That’s good to hear, 'cause I wasn’t sure how you’d take it." You giggled at that feeling a sense of euphoria at how this all actually turned out.

As the conversation dwindled, a yawn escaped you breaking the tender moment with its stark reminder of the night’s toll on your body. Dally chuckled softly. He pat his leg in a gentle, inviting gesture. "C'mere, sweetheart. Lay down here and close your eyes. I’ll be right here when you wake up."

Grateful and too exhausted to protest you shifted closer, laying your head on his thigh as he adjusted to make you comfortable. His hand found your hair, fingers brushing softly through it in a soothing rhythm.

With the comfort of his presence and the security of his promise you allowed your eyes to flutter closed, sleep overtaking you swiftly. The last thing you felt was Dally’s protective gaze and the gentle pressure of his hand in your hair. It was a silent vow of his commitment to be there no matter what came next.

As you settled against Dally your breath evening out in the quiet rhythm of sleep, he watched the soft rise and fall of your shoulders. A sense of peace settling over him. The apartment was quiet now the only sound the faint hum of the city awakening outside. In this moment, with the early morning light casting gentle shadows across your face, Dally found himself in a rare state of contemplation.

His hand rested gently on your head. His fingers lightly tracing through your hair. It was a simple, almost unconscious gesture that soothed both of you. The weight of the night's events lingered in his mind—the confrontation, the fear in your eyes, the way his heart had raced when he stood up for you. It all solidified something he'd only begun to admit to himself: how deeply he cared for you, how fiercely he wanted to protect you. How he may have even loved you.

As he watched you sleep Dally’s thoughts drifted. He was used to solitude, to the rough and tumble of a life lived on the edges. But sitting here with you breathing softly against him, he felt a pull towards something different. Something more. It was terrifying and new. This feeling of wanting to belong to someone, of wanting someone to belong with him.

He couldn’t remember the last time he had allowed himself to be so vulnerable with another person or if he ever truly had. But with you it felt right. It felt necessary. He realized that this—caring for you, being there for you—might be the closest thing to home he had ever known.

The morning grew brighter, light filling the room and Dally’s own eyelids began to droop. The exhaustion from the night's adrenaline and the emotional toll of opening his heart were catching up with him. But he didn’t want to move. Didn’t want to risk waking you. He wanted you to sleep as long as you needed, to wake up feeling safe and cared for.

His hand continued to run through your hair slowly, rhythmically, until his own eyes finally closed. Sleep overtaking him in the quiet comfort of his apartment. Even in sleep, his presence remained steadfast. A promise to be there when you woke up, and for whatever came next.

As the morning sun climbed higher with its rays streaming through the gaps in the curtains the apartment above Buck’s Rodeo Bar held a quiet, peaceful scene. Dally and you were asleep as an unspoken love formed in the shared silence of rest after a tumultuous night. However, this tranquility was soon interrupted by the sound of the apartment door swinging open with casual familiarity.

Buck strolled in with a steaming coffee cup in one hand and a bag of breakfast sandwiches in the other. His voice breaking the morning calm with a playful tone. "Well, look what we have here," he exclaimed. "Our very own knight in shining armor and his damsel tucked away from the world. You two sure skedaddled out of the bar pretty quick last night. Place your bets, folks!" He snickered seeing you and him so coziest up on the couch together.

Before Buck could spin another jest Dally's eyes snapped open, immediately alert. His protective instincts still sharp from the night before, flared up at the intrusion. “Buck, shut the hell up. She’s sleeping.” Dally hissed with his tone both irritated and fiercely protective. He glanced down quickly to make sure you were still out, undisturbed by the noise of your cousin.

Buck paused at the threshold, a knowing smirk spreading across his face as he took in the scene—the way you were nestled comfortably against Dally, his hand resting protectively in your hair even in sleep. "Oh man, Dally’s gone soft," Buck teased in a low voice chuckling to himself. "Never thought I’d see the day. Truly."

He set down the coffee and sandwiches on the kitchen counter. His movements now deliberately quiet though his eyes twinkled with mirth. “I’ll keep it down. You lovebirds need your rest after all those heroics last night.”

Dally just glared at him, but his posture relaxed slightly as he saw that you were still sleeping peacefully. His gaze softened as he looked back down at you. The fierceness melting into something tender and caring.

Buck watched the exchange. His chuckle deepening as he backed out of the room shaking his head in amusement. “I’ll be downstairs,” he murmured before pulling the door almost closed behind him. "Don’t rush Dally. The world can wait."

As the door clicked shut Dally’s hand resumed its gentle motion through your hair, his eyes lingering on your face. He let out a quiet sigh while the tension eased from his shoulders. The world outside could indeed wait. Right now, being in this quiet moment was all that mattered. He wanted to keep you safe making sure you felt cared for. And as he settled back closing his eyes once more he knew deep down that whatever came next, he was ready. So long as it was with you.

Later that day after a few more hours of much-needed sleep, you and Dally made your way back down to Buck’s bar. The place had regained its usual lively atmosphere with the afternoon crowd bringing a bustling energy that filled the air with music, laughter, and the clinking of glasses.

You and Dally settled into a quiet corner booth a bit removed from the hustle and bustle. The events of the previous night still lingered in the air between you. An acknowledgment of everything that had happened and everything that was still unspoken.

Dally slid into the booth across from you his demeanor relaxed but his eyes keen, watching you with a softness that was new. "So," he started while breaking the comfortable silence, "feels like we got through some kind of storm, huh?"

You nodded wrapping your hands around a warm cup of coffee that Buck had brought over. His knowing wink making you both smile. "Yeah it does. But it feels like it’s clearing up now," you replied before meeting Dally's gaze with a hopeful smile.

Dally's lips curved into a slow, genuine smile. "I think so too. We've been through a lot, but maybe it's just what we needed."

"Right," you agreed. Your heart feeling lighter than it had in a long time.

The conversation drifted then to lighter topics. Plans for the bar, stories from Dally's wilder days, your dreams of traveling, and with each story and shared laugh the love between you deepened. It was as if the foundations for something new and hopeful were being laid down with each passing moment.

As the afternoon wore on the bar began to fill up with the evening crowd. The music grew louder and the sounds of a lively night taking shape swirled around you. Yet, in your quiet corner of the bar it felt like a sanctuary with him.

Finally, Dally reached across the table taking your hand in his. His gaze conveyed a silent promise of support, understanding without needing to articulate it. The clamor of the bar seemed to fade into the background as Dally broke the silence. "Hey," he said. His voice softer than the din around you, "I was thinkin'... How 'bout we go out tomorrow? Just you and me, no chaos, no drama. We could take my bike, hit the road, see where it takes us."

Your heart that was already warmed by his earlier protectiveness leapt at the invitation. His offer was simple but filled with the promise of new memories, new experience. Just Dally and you learning the rhythms of each other's joy. "I'd like that," you replied with a grin. Your voice equally soft. "A real date, huh?"

Dally's smirk was one of triumph mixed with a bashfulness that you had come to find so endearing. "Yeah, a real date with a beautiful girl," he confirmed. "Figured it's about time we did something normal for a change sweetheart."

The bar around you hummed with life. The energy of people embarking on their nightly escapades, the clatter of glasses and the laughter serving as a backdrop to this quiet, pivotal moment between you and Dally. It symbolized not just a return to normalcy but the blossoming of something new. Something hopeful.

As Dally's thumb gently caressed the back of your hand you felt a chapter closing on the past and a new one beginning. Here in the heart of the bar's fervor you found a peaceful anticipation for the future. This wasn't just an end to the turmoil that had swept you into Dally's life. It was the start of a journey together. A journey that promised the warmth of shared sunrises, the thrill of open roads, and the comfort of hands held tight in solidarity.

In the cacophony of the bar, you both found a shared rhythm. A mutual understanding that this was just the beginning. And with Dally's hand in yours, the future, once so uncertain, now seemed filled with endless possibilities.

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ivaspinoza · 23 hours

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Does a writer love to write?

Oh, to be a writer! A poet, an artist. What a blessing — or a curse? I said this before, as a joke, that "writers are cursed to write, no matter what" happens or how long it takes between intervals. Writers will write. They might struggle, mostly inside their own heads, but they will write. And they will feel accomplished for doing that.

During my block time, I used to try and try to write, not because I had to, but because I couldn't help but to keep trying and writing the weirdest words, absolutely nonsense shit — until one day, I went back on track. Not writing was never an option. I tried to give up this, many times when I was at a bad place mentally. I felt that I wasn't a writer because I wasn't writing, but this only led me to this previously shared conclusion I keep as a mantra:

"I do not write because I want to be a writer, I write because I am one."

Some people will lick an artist's shoes and treat them as their saviour. This is the same type of people who might think having a degree makes them automatically smart, that every doctor knows what they are doing, and that artists are somehow a superior class of people. I was talking with my beloved @goodluckclove about it today (the main reason I'm writing this), about how being an Artist, or a Writer, is just another job, like being a Teacher, a Baker, a Parent, a CEO or a Janitor. Some artists will even tell you they had no "talent" at all, they just decided to commit and learn. I can draw and I always tell people that it is pure muscle memory. Just practice. Just commit.

But there is also that sparkle, that inspiration, that epiphany, right? That thing that art causes. What makes some works of art shine and hit you with eternal impact? Just practice? This is a long, deep, crazy, boring, infinite debate, but to me the answer is simple.

It's the soul.

That's why AI will never be able to do it. The soul carries memory, information, patterns, feelings, mysteries, and language (unspoken, holy, different languages, that we don't know much about). Some works are technically fantastic but soulless. Some are full of soul, but lack skill. However, the soul is always a part of it, as it is for a doctor when their soul shakes in grief after putting everything they had in for a 72-hour surgery just to lose their patient. Everything goes through the soul. Have you met a soulless doctor? I have.

What about a teacher helping a student to overcome their difficulties? A mother in a 72-hour labour to deliver her baby, with a father who didn't leave her side? Parents that actually take their time and energy to raise conscious, cared for and loved human beings? When a CEO thinks of what is best for the team, and comes up with a brilliant idea, instead of just caring about money? When a janitor makes a place clean and tidy for others, instead of neglecting it? It is not the job itself that is important, but the motivation, the intention, and the heart behind it. That is what makes it valuable.

Our trades will always affect the ones around us. Human nature is deeply connected to the desire to be useful and serve. Not to be stuck at this point forever, but to me, a big reason for so much pain and depression in the modern world is how self-centred our culture pushes us to be. "All about me"! Too much thinking in your head will make you crazy (I would know). But when we are useful, we find peace and rest from ourselves, we connect, and we are in reality, grounded in the present.

Will you love it every time? Nope. Not naturally. But do we have to hate it?

As an artist, poetess, writer, I can tell you that I didn't always love to do it. Sometimes, it was painful. Sometimes, it brings me physical discomfort or it can be disturbing because of my own limitations and issues — the artist himself is in his work (I will die on this hill, because of the soul). But I don't believe and I won't ever advocate for the tortured artist figure, for the "I hate being a poet", although I can't think I ever got these words from any poet.

"I hate making art!" "I hate my kids!" "I hate to live!"

I think it's time to wake up to the levels of desensitisation we have come to. These contemporary times unfold in absolute glorification of evil as if everything painful and ugly was "more artistic". We don't have to avoid hard themes and make it taboo out of them, but we do need a counterbalance. We also need responsibility and honesty when choosing our themes and our artistic or literary approach. And we do need to stop hating things all the time. We need a mature creative world.

It is easier and faster to break than it is to build. It's easier to hurt than to heal. Look around. We have almost nothing left to "break" at this point. I'm in search of beauty again. Out with lanterns. The beauty in you and in me. Not for the glorification of the artist, or of the art itself, but for the Love that keeps me going, that designed me for a particular job, and that I plan to execute in love.

"Let all you do be done in love", it's written. But because I know Love is not only feeling, even when I don't feel like doing it, I will go back into Love, into humility, and do it to the best of my strength. I will do it so that when I have the opportunity to serve someone by it, they feel love. We put our soul into it, and it's not an aesthetic, not a fancy ethereal trend; there is no need for applause. I will do it like that because in that doing is the reward itself, not in the praise or the prize.

All is vanity. Love is the reward.

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fanofthelamb · 3 days

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So I went dumpster diving in my tablet for the first lamb I ever drew and WOW... I found a lot of sketches I really don't plan on revisiting. I am jsut gonna dump them below the cut for people to see!! Some of it is lore related, some of it is shit I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HATE, but IDC!!! I will post it anyway for the tumblr users who I keep an eye on my notifs for. (yes, i see you guys. even if i dont always interact I see you and love you guys)

Anyway, here is the earliest drawin I have of me drawing the lamb!! I am going to write a comment under a lot of these to add context to them.

A cute little baby <3333 but I struggled a LOT of figuring out what the lamb was wearing, I eventually figured it out though. (I hope)

if you know, you know. (RIP VAL)

for my BTG AU. I decided I no longer wanted chemach to make the [spoiler] for the lamb, though, so I scrapped this

vaaaal,,,,,, i was still learning how to draw him, i wish i put pants on him but do those even exist in COTL? (yes)

I haven't been able to do much with them because I'm putting other stuff first, but Brear has two kids, Notre and Brejul who Narinder absolutely ADORES. he is the one who babysits.

fun fact but the lamb being touch repulsed is a projection LOL. i hate it when people touch me it feels so tickly and makes me want to bite their faces off. (but i am touch starved and i LOVE to show affection to other ppl, esp thru back rubs)

yes, they have a hoop for personal space. no, ill never use it.

drum corcl,,,, i love the little dancing guy that comes from the drums

more narinder and brear. they're not romantically interested in each other, but he is absolutely head over heels for brear, their brother, and the kids. they even call him dad sometimes.

[no context]

kallamar and leshy before their crowns. the scene i have related to this isn't happening anymore, but it was leshy begging to be taught to swim.

another "the one who baby sits" doodle. the bishops all came into the cult with a very good repuation thanks to narinder. he likes to tell the kids of the cult stories about how amazing his siblings were. at first, it was just to nobre and brejul with stories about leshy(he missed leshy a lot even though he was still mad at him, and the two reminded narinder of his time with leshy), but then it escalated into him hosting storytimes with larger groups after they started repeating some of the stories he'd tell them.

unfinsihed stuff about with the lamb and thier mom. their mom wasn't afraid of the bishops at all, but knew that they were a still a threat to her and her child's life. the lamb did NOT care for anyone thier mom didn't approve of/enthusiastically liked. they were much more afraid of the bishops than their mother.

i do not actually know if i posted this.i dont think so, but i giggle every time i scroll past it

brear and nobre <333

im still workong on BTG shit, and i post a little bit of the characters on here even tho the comics are going to be posted elsewhere. they have a "crownlike" beak, but a body part. there's different creatures who became gods through different ways; crowns are one way but their power is stuck with the crown and they are considered extremely weak compared to other gods. i wont blabber on about it tho.

so many sketches has random lines through em because i work with a tablet,,, i hate it. anyway, narinder and kallamar everybody!

sketches i made but didn't bother to finish of me and merbre,,,,,,,,, my husband #1 <3 them w/ narinder + merbre arent gonna be considered "canon" but damn it ill self-ship with them until i get a follower i can WORK with

i come back to this every few weeks and im never happy with it, i dont know if ill finish this but i think about them........ before the divorce </3

unused from an ask

heartstealer. menace. you can rip my heart out anytime, leshy <3

dreshy. he LOVES dresses and being pretty and cute and pretty. he sucks narinder into a lot and heket will sometimes join in if he demands asks her to <3

another unused drawing from an ask i'll eventually answer. (mildly offended at being called a mutton cube.)

.... aaand WOW! I think that's everything guys!! things are still kinda wild but they're calming down a little bit. idk how much longer it's gonna last like this but I have some energy so I made a way-too-long post showing off art I wasn't supposed to post! Awesome. :D

#cw gore #cotl au stuff in here #23 pics under the cut btw #cotl #cotl fanart #cult of the lamb #cotl lamb #the lamb #cotl narinder #cotl spoilers #cotl kallamar #cotl leshy #i dont think ill tag anymore #idek if i should've tagged this post at all #but well see how it plays out!!#THIS POST TOOK FOREVER TIME TO GO CLEAN

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jkgnggj · 8 months

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The parallels idfk something about foils or some shit I'm not smart enough to write down. I just wanted an excuse to post these two coms together like side by side bc they complete each other they're like missing halves. Can u tell which ones newer and which ones older? What I really like about this is I didn't even mean for them to have the same color background but THEY DO AND IDK IF LU DID THAT ON PURPOSE OR NOT BUT IF U DID LU I JUST WANT U TO KNOW IM IN LOVE WITH U <333 @lu-kario although I've always loved all of your commissions I'm happy to hear u think uv been improving with all this art I've been commissioning lmao its worth all the debt /hj /j ??? I'm looking forward to commissioning a bunch more torisaikitty art bc I have so many refs it's unreal ;-;

#not even joking i have like at least five more potential refs tho theyre all very similar so #but i just love cats #decided to post this bc i saw that one cute torikitty drawing you know who u are #lil headband tail torikitty is now all I'll be thinking abt #sadly my next torisaikitty art will be a saikitty art not torikitty #but next torikitty com will def get a lil revised torikitty design #i always change his design somehow #like the first it was only the necklace bead collar #and then the past one has his lil kitty bracelets #oh and the torikechi one had pearl beads!#and the next ones gonna have a lil tail headband ribbon i cant wait ahhh!#maybe its not too late to change my com ref tho cuz ive been struggling with finding good outfits for tori :( </3 #ruchan rambles #commission #torisai #torikitty #saikitty #torisaikitty #torikittysai

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squishylemonbubbles · 7 months

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i think i've got through… the worst of my migraine lmao.

so i haven't played or watched through yakuza 6, but hearing how brutal his injuries, i really wanted to know ahead of time and found out. watched it. and that really is bad.

so the answer i've decided on is that he entirely loses his ability to speak, and part of his language and motor skills on top of that. though he recovers a good livable amount of his motor ability, his language never fully returns, and his speech definitely doesn't.

as a result, he begins using an AAC device. the AAC i've drawn here would not at all be adequate for a real person's layout haha, but you do what you can with the space you've got. in any case, his AAC device allows him to press buttons labelled with pictures that are associated to a given word or sometimes phrase, and the message will then be read aloud.

i also gave him a ponytail because in my heart he grows his hair out a bit but that's besides the point

#squishyart #kiryu kazuma #kiryu #i've really been struggling wanting to draw something like this ever since i decided on this #today just finally did it. bad brain is good motivation apparently #i mean provided i can think.

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nem0-nee · 1 year

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(Crying I don’t think my first ask went thru LMAO)

Can I get ∅ for Mayuu’s opinion on Nox? (And mby Saga if u want ksjfjsbdhfb)

DFFDSK the other one went through, but I'm answering this one to be silly 😈

Sadly no doodle for this one + the future ones... at least not yet >:o

[Flipping through the logbook, you're presented with two entries]

[What lies ahead beckons you to turn the page]

v [take the plunge?] v

[ TALE OF SLEEPLESS NIGHTS, CONT. ]

Teach me your ways!: You could say that Mayuu looks up to Nox in a sense, especially when it comes to dual-wielding combat. She’d definitely take the opportunity to spar with him for the experience! After all, it’s quite rare to come across another fellow dual-wielder. “Our battle may be legendary, so don’t go easy on me now” The prefect takes a stance, preparing herself for what’s to come.

Please don’t report me: Let’s just say that there were one…two?- Definitely a certain amount of occurrences where Mayuu almost struck Nox. She claims it was out of self-defense since she was caught off guard by his presence. Nothing says hello like an elbow to the face. “I’m so sorry- I SWEAR I didn’t mean to do that?!?!”

You’re a cruel one, Nox: Mayuu finds the degree of his dislike for fae to be odd. But she supposes she can’t judge him; she doesn’t know him too well, even with knowledge of him in past timelines. But still, it’s somewhat heartbreaking for her to see how he is with faeries, especially considering that the ones she knew were nothing but helpful. “Don’t you suppose that…you’re being too much?” Mayuu wears a look of disapproval.

[ TALE OF AGGRAVATING ANOMALIES, CONT.]

What the hell’s up with him?: He’s weird as hell, and that’s not really saying much… Everyone is strange and hella weird to Mayuu. But what separates him is his creepiness and overall vibe. She can handle nervous weirdos like Idia, but Saga? Yeah… No thanks. “If I had to choose between cleaning up the entire campus or hanging out with Saga for an hour, I’d be heading straight for the janitor’s closet right when you mention his name.”

Take a chill pill, I meant no ill will: At first, Mayuu didn’t really bat another eye at this fellow. NRC students are weird, she knows that well. But Saga’s accusations of her being suspicious of him? Especially with that “glare” of hers? The prefect felt… disheartened. Ah Mayuu, your natural RBF never fails to bite you in the ass… “What glare?! THAT’S JUST HOW I LOOK!?!?” Mayuu said calmly.

I’m crazy?? YOU’RE CRAZY!!: To no surprise, this poor prefect is fed up with Saga. No matter how many chances of redemption she gives him, it just seems hopeless. His remarks about her only add more salt to the wound. “Lord have mercy- this f- MAN is going to make me lose my hair before I turn 20!! I don't judge him for his 'hobby', so he better not judge me for strangling Kyuu.”

Understandable, please shut up: Despite being the listening type, Mayuu can’t help but get overwhelmed when this guy opens his mouth. His nonsense is just a neverending stream of negative blabbering… Believe me, she has tried to respond back, but that just seems to encourage him to ramble even more. “My brain can only handle so much… he’s like a toddler when he babbles. Christ, my head’s spinning again just by thinking about it.” Mayuu looked like she was about to lose it then and there. Yeesh, guess he was too much for her to handle.

[ - The clock has struck 12... END OF CHAPTER -]

#hourly interactions #twst oc #twst #nox saeculum #saga levoriol #kairyn saint #mayuu #[incoming ramble ->]#I decided to use majority of my brain power for this AAAAAA #couldnt spice in a doodle because [no time] and [there's so many asks in line i cant draw for em all bdsfskfn]#struggled with nox because *panic intensifies*#saga was fun to think about since...murderous wet cat /j /j #BUT MAN- idk if these will fly?!?! i just loved the silly little goofy ideas #good luck if youre reading all that because holyyy fuckkkkk #these were all fun to write hopefully this is okay ;v;#experimenting w/ the format ahahaha (this is a cry for help)

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rhys-ravenfeather · 1 year

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Introducing Oasis to Oakwood’s second character, Benny :P

As you could probably guess from the name, he’s a retooled version of/based off Bendy from my BATIM AU...albeit older and a LOT less cheery than the pure demon babey, heh. Though I imagine he was a lot more like his original BATIM counterpart when he was younger.

Text for those who can’t read it:

‘I’m...not really sure how to feel about this guy. Okay, so Benny was the first person...or shadow, I guess, to find me after I transformed who DIDN’T freak out and/or try attacking me...at least not for long...but hey! He agreed to help me! So now we’re traveling together--he helps me find a way to get back to normal, I help him find his sister...and hope this moody shadow actually keeps HIS end of the deal. He doesn’t really seem like a fan of humans. Still, he’s pretty strong, so for now I guess I’m better with than without him...’

Bonus versions without text: