Ricky and His Crutches

Context: I have mobility issues caused by a genetic disorder and I walk with an aid and I have feelings about Ricky not needing his crutches during rtc. I won’t be specifically going into his mutism going away too because I don’t think that’s really my place but it is definitely related. 

Also, I’m going to be talking about the bootleg version I’m pretty sure we’ve all seen at this point (I think it’s the off-broadway one but I'm probably wrong) unless stated otherwise.

One last thing before we start: I’m aware that it’s a part of establishing who Ocean is as a character (I do love her but I love Fanon ocean and end of the musical ocean only) but I need everyone else to acknowledge that (even ignoring her Social Darwinism song that veers dangerously close to advocating for Eugenics) her infantilisation of Ricky is fucking disgusting and dehumanising and I would have loved for her to have apologised for it even once. This is all to say that rtc is imperfect with its handling of Ricky’s disabilities in many ways.

Okay so, I don’t know what the details of Ricky’s condition is so I'm not sure if his needing an aid is due to a progressive nerve disorder resulting in partial paralysis or because (like me) he needs the aid because of chronic joint pain. I lean towards thinking the latter considering the way the others help to turn him around in the fall/uranium suit.

On one hand, I personally would rather not believe that my soul (because that’s essentially what they are since they’re their consciousnesses but not their bodies) needs a mobility aid because of what that implies. For me it would imply that even my soul has chronic pain and joint fatigue, but equally bleakly for Ricky it would mean that his soul also has a rare (presumably progressive) nerve disorder. And that is definitely not the case. 

Also, I should mention the implications of Space-Age Bachelor Man. Ricky’s longtime internal fantasy involves his body being just a trick in order to blend in on earth while he’s here, i.e. he will leave his body behind when he becomes his truest self, so I have to assume that he shares my way of thinking in this case.

On the other hand, I was disappointed (but not surprised) to not see a disabled person with a mobility aid (specifically one like crutches) all throughout the musical. Mobility aids are not a hinderance, quite the opposite, they are a huge help for the people that need them and for them to consistently be treated like a hinderance or something that gets in the way in media is deeply harmful. Other productions of the show have had disabled actors with mobility aids play Ricky and they have (obviously) kept their aids with them throughout meaning that it is possible to do the show like that, so it is a deliberate choice not to have him keep his crutches. 

Also, Ricky is very fond of his crutches – Lady Marzipan and Dame Judi Dench are great names – and I do feel that even if he doesn’t keep them in a production, the moment he gives them up is to me (and has the potential to be textually) very bittersweet.

This is all getting very long but basically: I can take productions that go either way with Ricky keeping his crutches or not keeping them, I think there’s a valid  argument to be made on either occasions. However, if he doesn’t keep them, there are things that can be done (e.g. him at first being more obvious in his excitement/being unused to having full mobility and having him have a moment with his crutches when giving them up and possibly saying something to ocean or even just glaring at her when she says something shitty) that would make it much clearer what goes on in his head when he realises he can walk (and talk) without an aid.

TLDR; Ricky not keeping his crutches isn’t inherently a bad thing but more just pretty complicated and could have been done better. 

While you're doing reactions, if you're up for it, how are you feeling about all the finale predictions you made on March 23? By my count, you scored pretty well!

hooooooo boy (the alluded post, for those just catching up)

how i feel about my predictions is that...you’re right and i scored pretty well, but much like the characters doing right in the episode itself, it didn’t matter. part of the reason why the finale made me feel so much--why i loved it, despite still being emotionally hungover from ugly affect--is because i WAS right, but i was so often right but wrong on a smaller scale, or right but wrong because i completely misunderstood the overall thematic stakes, or in one case right but in such a phenomenally cruel and roundabout way that i’m still reeling from it.

more detailed breakdown under the cut (as in “let’s unpack this,” and as in “i have an emotional breakdown”):

WHERE I WAS MOSTLY RIGHT

Team Green, Yang, the non-Robyn Happy Huntresses, Klein and the non-combatant Schnees were gimmes from the beginning, even the ones of whom we didn’t have visual confirmation by the end of Worthy.

Pietro and Maria are still MIA so i’m putting them here, but...Winter’s gonna have to tell Pietro, when he shows up again.

Cinder and the Relics i was correct about, but even though i knew going in that she would win i didn’t imagine the scale of her victory. mostly because i thought she might have learned some self-discipline and just skedaddled with the Relics in an attempt to trap as many people as possible in superhell, but a) she didn’t, and b) she won without needing to.

Salem, Watts, and Ironwood are where i predicted, but i think part of me really bought into the fan theory that maybe Salem would want to keep Atlas around. both Watts and Ironwood lasted much longer through the episode than i expected because i was working from that assumption, but with the direction the episode actually took it makes perfect sense that they exited the stage as Atlas fell--they are, after all, twin architect-destroyers of Atlas. brains and brawn.

Nora ended up in Vacuo, but she’s...uh, not happy about it. not that i expected her to be happy, but this is much much worse. og JNPR is now JUST Renora, and much as i love freewheeling modular megazord JNPR, that’s gonna hit like a truck. last time they lost someone Renora were consciously trying to play supportive teammate to Jaune, who’d just lost his partner, and Nora especially also had to talk Ren off the edge with the Kuroyuri stuff. i expect they’ll swap the dynamic this time, especially since Nora was already planning to go all independent woman before this.

Qrow, Robyn, and the AceOps are stranded, but in transit and not in Mantle, because Mantle the place is no more. and Vine is dead. the reason i posited that the AceOps might be split up was so they could find their team dynamic after it’s been unsettled, and...well. having one of them do a heroic sacrifice should do a similar trick. because i didn’t think Atlas would fall on Mantle i thought Qrow and Robyn (particularly Robyn) would get more to do, but both of them are pretty much exactly in the same place they were in at the beginning of the season: trapped in a cramped environment, cut off from the people they love and uncertain what happened to them, and unable to contribute in a way that they would consider meaningful. i’m guessing we won’t check back in with this crew for a while, but if we do it’ll be interesting to see if the Qrow and Robyn dynamic changes--like, if he has to be the one to talk her down from cabin fever and despair. (before he finds out that he was the one who should have been despairing all along.)

WHERE I WAS MOSTLY WRONG

Neo is in superhell. i had put her in Atlas because i’d overestimated Cinder’s ability to play the long game, but what the show ultimately doubled down on was that Cinder remains at heart a petty and impatient opportunist, and that’s where she’s most effective. which i dig! i dig that she has not so much improved (in means or ends) so much as learned to hold the beneficial and detrimental parts of herself farther and farther apart, because in the end they’re all the same parts, and because presumably she’ll end up starfishing out so much (who knew the way she took care of Winter’s death pigeons was foreshadowing?) that she breaks in two. and i dig Neo in superhell without Cinder, because it’ll be our first chance to see Neo not working for anyone outside of that one time she fought Cinder. if superhell does end up being part afterlife, she might also get some closure with the Torchwick stuff.

Jaune being in superhell points to it being part afterlife, because the chance for HIM to get some closure is also right there. that was always the case, but the reason i made the prediction i did was because i assumed that Jaune would remain the person he has been this whole season--this stolid, clueless but incredibly effective supporting leader. having a Jaune who is at the top of his game meet up with Pyrrha again is obviously appealing, especially to me, a person who scribbles misshapen hearts labeled “Arkos = 5evr” on all my notebooks, but at the time i didn’t think it was necessary to his story...and then the story dramatically shifted his character and threw all my carefully hedged bets off (which is something we’ll also get to with...later).

having a Jaune who has just effectively EUTHANIZED someone meet up with Pyrrha again isn’t just appealing--it’s vital. and it’s vital because the exact parameters of how and why Jaune ended up having to kill Penny is a point-for-point echo and escalation of the way the Amber to Pyrrha transfer was supposed to go. last time Jaune Arc was party to a Maiden transfer process he had no idea what was going on, and he tried to intervene when he worked out that whatever Oz was doing was going to hurt Pyrrha, and that however minute thing contributed to Pyrrha’s death and the Fall of Beacon. this time it’s not just that he knows what’s going on and the stakes of it. it’s not even just that he is the Ozpin operating the Aura Transfer machine. it is that there is no machine--there is just him, holding the knife. he knows the Amber better than the Pyrrha this time, and this time the Amber is his friend, and still whole, and choosing. not just consenting, but asking him. trusting him. so he carries it out. the old Maiden dies, and like Ozpin he dies shortly after, but not before he watches the new Maiden fail.

but he does prevent history from repeating, because a new Maiden is created, and she gets to live. and Cinder Fall has made him a murderer on top of everything else, but she WILL remember him, now.

there are other people i was wrong about, but that’s...for later.

WHERE I WAS RIGHT AND IT DIDN’T MATTER

Ruby, Blake and Weiss are all in superhell, so on paper i was right, but...well. sing it if you know the words. the reason i’m putting them in their own section is because it’s not just that they fell and didn’t jump like i thought; it’s that they would not have jumped, and that changes everything. you know how i realized that we would lose everyone, and not by choice? it was Weiss. it was when Weiss said we have to do this for Yang. Jaune had reminded Nora of what was priority one minutes before, but the implications of that didn’t sink in for me until Weiss confirmed it. they PLANNED for this. not just the eventuality where they would have to die, but the one where they’d have to watch everyone else die and do nothing except keep going.

which...has implications. the best way to read this--and i think we’re all dying for some good news--is that even if it certainly does not feel that way, RWBY was able to snatch a partial victory from Salem’s claws. they lost the Relics, but they got the Maiden powers away, and most importantly: they saved Atlas and Mantle. by the time Jaune intervened Grand Central was empty. there was no one left to evacuate. they didn’t get everyone, but they got a lot. even before Cinder intervened so catastrophically they knew how many things could go wrong, so they made a plan, and largely stuck to it. on a purely material level they only lost one thing vital to the war effort--the Staff. but they got everyone else out, which was priority one. the show in general and this arc in particular has emphasized that our heroes don’t think they should be exceptionalized, that they’ll fight tooth and nail to make sure everyone is given the treatment and respect they deserve, and they’ve made good on that. they’re Huntresses, and Huntresses be thou for the people. they chose, and they won what mattered to THEM.

but on the flip side: they chose, and there’s no way to read this choice as anything but a compromise...and a very Atlesian one at that. when confronted with calculus similar to the one JYR faced after they lost Oscar in War, our heroes chose...the opposite. one, then three, then four, then five, then six for the many. what was that number compared to two entire cities’ worth of people, especially when they’re the ones who signed up for this? i’m not trying to take this down the slippery slope where our heroes are no better than the dictator they just dethroned, because when the time came for sacrifice they chose themselves first. but it remains a sacrifice, which means that when the time came to test the hard moral limit they set for themselves, they...moved. they decided ahead of time that some risks aren’t worth taking. that this is not a situation where everyone wins, so they had to go for the next best thing, then the next best thing after that, and so on. i’m honestly not sure where it points to yet, except my usual refrain that this show is a lot less didactic than it seems, but...yeah. this is going to lead to some invigorating discussions in-universe.

and maybe it’ll start with this: that Jaune and Weiss--the two who had to verbally advocate for leaving the fallen behind--fell last of all, which means they had to watch everyone else go first. and the last person they saw was the same person. Weiss, who executed the plan to brilliant perfection, saw the past--the first family she ever had--streaking after her in an endless void, forsaking the priorities they all agreed upon, for her. Jaune, who followed the plan to execution and broke a part of himself, saw the new Maiden he crowned, backlit and pulled away by the bright future that he ensured was possible, but can no longer access.

QUEENMAKER

i’m starting with Penny, because Penny came first. there has already been a ton of discussion on the ways that she’ll come back, and while i absolutely agree that she will, for now i am not so much interested in that as i am in eulogizing this Penny. the Penny we had just now, not identical but continuous with the Penny we had before that, in the same way that everyone is not identical but continuous with who they were in the past. the Penny who IS dead, her eventual resurrection notwithstanding.

because she DID die, and her death matters. that’s the thing about the deaths in this season, and it furthers my point re: RWBY’s presumed didacticism--the show’s treatment of death has changed as our heroes have changed. it is no longer (and never was) as simple as “death and sacrifice are always senseless waste,” and more something like...”death has to matter, and we will give it meaning.” Hazel and Vine sacrificed themselves, and the fact both resulted in a “positive” outcome (more lives saved) does not make the deaths any less tragic. but neither should the tragedy of it take away from the fact that they saved lives. what separates our heroes from a Salem or a James Ironwood even now is that they recognize the importance of grievable life even as they accept inevitable death, that what is worth it all about preserving life is not to make sure that lives go on forever, but that lives have meaning and are remembered, that when you’re gone the people who are still here respect you enough to carry that meaning with them. it’s a tenuous balance to walk, but all the more important for that reason.

Penny--though her death can and will be reversed--is much the same. in every arc there has been a Game of Three Maidens (which i guess would make shogi the better metaphor and not chess because--what AM i on about), and in every Game there has been sacrifice. and i thought that would encompass Winter, here. we’d get away with it not being literal death, since Fria already took care of that, but she would be trapped on the other side of the gate--in pretty much the exact same position James Ironwood ended up in the episode itself, actually. it just seemed obvious: she’s the decoy, the one who missed the call by inches, the last revealed defector when there still was an Atlas from which to defect. all of it pointed to Winter’s story ending with one last delay barring her from salvation, of her finally being too late...

and well. i WASN’T wrong in the broad strokes, but first there was Penny Polendina. Penny could have let Jaune try to save her and Weiss die for her, but she knew she had to make a different choice to save as many lives as possible. so she offered herself up as the sacrifice instead. last week i waxed prolonged poetic about how Winter defected so recently, how it has been just IronwoodandWinter for so long, how Winter doesn’t have a team and only the healing shreds of a family, how no one would think to look for her...and then Penny did. you were my friend. (given Winter’s rough age and the hazy creation dates for the PENNY Project, it’s possible that Winter is Penny’s OLDEST friend.) Penny thought of Winter as she was dying, thought about the good Winter could do if Winter had her powers, believed in Winter, and in doing so, saved Winter’s life before anyone else’s.

she ceded the spotlight to Winter in this last episode, but this season as a whole belongs to Penny Polendina--the myriad ways she creates herself, the ways she defends her self-creation, ultimately culminating in her new body, created by no one but herself. but for her final act the Maiden of Creation did something different and no less miraculous: i thought of you. a thought was all it took.

she created someone else.

KINGSLAYER | THE MAIDEN THAT WAS PROMISED

the thing about Winter is that she came first.

no, i’m serious. i checked the fairy tale and everything--Winter came first. as the Wizard’s first visitor she encouraged him to reflect and meditate, and when probed about why she was here at all, she answered: i am waiting for my sisters. Spring and Summer have to wait, too, of course, but. Winter was the first.

Jacques and Willow named their firstborn Winter. it is not the way this story begins, but it is certainly is one of them, because the story begins with Winter, and Winter begins the story--a new retelling, a new cycle of heroism. we’ve since been introduced to other characters in that indeterminate age group between RWBY and STRQ, but Winter--by virtue of being Weiss’ older sister--anchors herself to the new generation in a way those others (even Cinder, who comes closest) do not. she started things, in the mythical emblematic way that this show likes to move, and the way she started things--the way she MADE herself start things, thanks to the house she grew up in--was with love, and protection. she took care of Weiss and laid the groundwork for the person Weiss is today, and conversely: she took care of Weiss, and through Weiss, laid the groundwork for herself and how to take care of everyone. so eventually the steel thread she tied to Weiss she also linked to Whitley, to Penny, to Marrow, to all the people they love, and on and on it goes. Winter loved Weiss, so she made herself learn how to love Weiss, and so when i say she started things what i mean is she started family. a new home, for a new generation of the orphaned.

Winter came first. but as the show demonstrates time and again, especially with Winter: first does not mean best. because being first also means you’re the prototype, a volatile thing that must be tested and tempered and then discarded to make way for what comes after, what gets improved. and it is THIS part of being first that Winter has internalized most of all. Winter, the first Maiden, taught the Wizard peace and prepared the earth so that her sisters could grow and foster and harvest the life within it; Winter, the first Schnee, laid the groundwork in her siblings, but did not wait for them. and let herself fallow in the process. she left, and every time they tried to follow or stay with her she sent them away. (she keeps sending them away; even after defecting and taking down Ironwood, the first thing she says to JNPER is go.) Winter laid the first stone in the foundation, but she cannot take credit for the home her family turned it into, for all the ways it has flourished, because she willfully absented herself of that (birth)right.

and the reason she did this was very simple: she was afraid. she could not bear the thought that while she had to learn how to love she made mistakes, the idea that instead of preparing the earth she might have poisoned the well. so she ran. she turned her face away so she would not have to look, so they would not look to her. she left, and every time one of her siblings superseded her after that, every time she was made to be their Esau--passed over--it just seemed to confirm that she was right to leave. look how well they’ve all done without her.

in the stories, eldest siblings aren’t here to win. they’re here to be made an example of, and Winter...had resigned herself to that. she was prepared to be left behind for good by all the people who have outpaced her.

but then there was Penny Polendina. Penny didn’t follow her, or try to stay; Penny came back for her. Penny remembered Winter when all Winter wanted was to be forgotten, because she’d gotten it in her head that it was what she deserved for all the things she’d done or enabled or failed to do. why did Penny remember Winter? because you were my friend. there is no divine complexity to it, nothing for Winter to fall hopeless short of. there is only the fact that Winter gave Penny something, made something together with Penny, even as she was trying her hardest not to, for fear that she would create something terrible. and this does not take away from all the ways Winter did fall short, but it is still SOMETHING. and it is enough.

it was your power, after all. Penny means the Maiden powers, but she also means THIS Maiden’s power: the power to create. you made this home, Penny is saying to Winter, you should get to reap its fruit, even if you weren’t around for the labor. all you have to do is say yes.

this was a gift. she says yes. she accepts, because in the end Winter Schnee loves her family more than she hates herself.

but then--

(a gift for what? Winter will ask herself wretchedly later, after she has failed in the two tasks she thinks Penny set for her.)

the thing about Winter is that she came first. she taught Weiss everything she knows, and she was so busy doing that she never had the time to show Weiss everything she feels. so in the end what Weiss never predicted was that for all of her team’s painful planning, for all of her own pained enforcement of that plan...none of it was a match for her sister. that when the time came it was would be WINTER who defaults to the absolute ideal of “no one gets left behind,” of “every life” meaning every life, priority one be damned.

or that Winter, in trying to choose both, in finally and fiercely trying, with surely enough power to make a difference, would fail.

what are you doing? Winter heard as she watched Weiss fall into nothingness. my life doesn’t matter.

so here, then, is the story of Winter in The Final Word: a girl returns home after having left it, but in this version it is the home who has changed and the girl who has not. and from this both are unmade. but she gets to live, because she was invited back home. and she gets to go through the portal as its last passenger, into the Promised Land.

and she is still the Maiden of Creation. even after all this, THAT is still her task. to build a refuge for her people, to collect the broken strands of the family she began and her siblings continued and expanded and reinforced, and gather them up again into a new home. it will be impossible, but at the same time: she has done this before.

and this time, she will wait for her sisters.

(a gift for what? for nothing, would be the answer. gifts aren’t FOR anything. they’re gifts.)

On the Benefits of Trancing

This is a bit late, but was in fact written for Day 2 of sgtober, Can't Sleep. It's very fluffy, have fun reading! 

Summary: There are several reasons why Essek prefers trancing over sleeping. Firstly, as difficult as it may be to leave yourself vulnerable for eight hours at a time, he finds it even more challenging to imagine his friends defenceless. Secondly, sleep, inevitably, will give birth to dreams. And no matter if they are foul or fair, they torture him all the same. And lastly, well—.Essek reminisces about the strange habit of sleeping and his even stranger habit of sharing his bed with Caleb whenever he can't sleep.

Warnings: None, as far as I’m aware

Read on AO3

Sleep is a curious thing, Essek muses, that he doesn't understand and hasn't particularly cared for up until this point. It is a childish thing, and wild and vulnerable and oh-so terribly time consuming. Truth be told, for most of his life he has pitied the other races who are forced to bow to the whims of nature in that way.

Like so many things, that changed when he met the Mighty Nein. Well, not when he met them necessarily—back then he may or may not have been quietly plotting their demise for returning his carefully stolen beacons—but certainly when he started travelling with them.

As many aspects of elven cultures are, trancing is a solitary activity, a silent contemplation of one's most private thoughts to better cope with them. Shock and surprise don't even begin to cover his feelings when Caleb first cast his dome and Essek found out that sleeping, as many things for the Mighty Nein, is a rather communal event.

He had eight whole hours to come to terms with those implications—did they not realise what it meant, the trust one had to place in another to sleep in front of them? Did they not care? Or did they, by some miracle, in fact trust him that much?

When he came out of his trance the next morning, he realised some of the members of the Nein had moved during the night, curling closer to and around each other. Cuddling, they called it, and Essek's pity melted away, turning into something more bitter, more poisonous. Envy.

There is something about sitting upright, floating a few inches off the ground while surrounded by people holding each other that can make you feel so incredibly lonely, and that has to say something. Nearly a century of solitude spent between too-large, too-empty towers, too-secretive and too-pious schools, and a too-scheming and too-paranoid court have never left him feeling as isolated and bereft as that morning with the Nein did.

Of course, back then he didn't have the words to describe the feelings swirling in his chest. Nor did he have the words to ask for them to include him in their affections, lest he be presumptuous. That, to quote Caleb Widogast, takes time. Surprisingly little of it, if he is perfectly honest.

A few months down the line, he stopped floating while trancing and when he resurfaced the next morning, he found himself leaning against Fjord, who had taken the last watch. When he jerked away in embarrassment, Fjord blinked awake, too, a disgruntled look on his face, growling that he should stop moving around so much.

Despite his shame, Essek complied and held completely still until the rest of the Nein woke up. After that, he began to dabble into the casual intimacy his friends share. He even tried to sleep, occasionally.

In the beginning, he felt very self-conscious about it. He would wake up with messy hair, or drool on his pillow, or, worst of all, tucked close to Caleb. Another effect of the Mighty Nein, though, is that they very quickly rid you of your sense of shame. So, he no longer cares if he looks a mess, if his clothes are rumpled, or if he's getting spit on Veth's backpack. Just the last thing he can't help but feel embarrassed about.

There are several reasons why he still prefers trancing, though. Firstly, as difficult as it may be to leave yourself vulnerable for eight hours at a time, he finds it even more challenging to imagine his friends defenceless. He much prefers being able to watch over them for at least half of that time.

Secondly, sleep, inevitably, will give birth to dreams. And if sleep is childish, wild, and vulnerable, dreams are tenfold so. He often contemplates his crimes during his trances, as well as the discarded timelines, the lost possibilities that could have led to even more death, destruction, and despair. He frequently considers members of the Assembly lording their victory over him, disposing of him, torturing his friends. However, in his trance, he can choose to abandon these timelines. Dreams offer no such luxury. Once in their cruel grasp, you have no choice but to see them through.

Nightmares are one thing, but dreams are another. Even the pleasant ones often come unbidden, worming themselves through his subconscious to pluck out— What exactly Essek should call them, he isn't sure. He wouldn't dare name them wishes or hopes, for that would imply a certain level of possibility for them to come true. These visions are desires, more like, though that term implies a certain passion that does not fit the circumstance.

These unsought fantasies often include the Mighty Nein, years or decades from now. How they would still seek him out, include him in their midst. He dreams of feasts and festivals, of hugs and humour, of truthfulness and trust. And then there are other, even more forbidden dreams featuring him and Caleb. He dreams of soft kisses and gentle caresses, lazy nights spent in the tower reading books, of research and adventures and normalcy, of waking up as close to each other every day as they do from time to time on accident. He would love his future to look like this, but he knows there is a very little chance for that.

So, no matter if the dreams are foul or fair, they torture him all the same.

And lastly, well—

There is a knock on his door and Essek's heart lurches. "Come in," he calls as calmly as he can manage, forcing himself to slowly close the book he hasn't been reading instead of slamming it shut and scrambling to his feet.

The door opens silently, as all doors within the tower do, and Caleb slips inside. He's wearing simple sleeping clothes and Essek silently curses himself for already closing the book, so he can't even pretend to read that instead. "I, ah— I'm sorry for intruding... again," Caleb says, self-consciously tugging at his sleeves. "I hope I didn't wake you?"

"Not at all," he answers, barely keeping himself from saying: 'I was waiting up.' Instead, he opts for: "I was still reading."

"Anything interesting?"

"Are you trying to tell me that you have stored uninteresting books in your mind, Caleb Widogast?"

"Plenty," he deadpans and Essek chuckles.

"It's called The Creation of Silver." He turns the plain cover over to Caleb, to jog his memory. Based on what he could gather by skimming the first pages, it promises to be a rather run of the mill romance novel following the story of a Dwendalian noble trying to escape their arranged marriage. "So far, I find it quite entertaining."

"Ah, yes." Caleb quickly glances away, a faint blush colouring his cheeks. "Have you reached the part where Stefan leaves for the city yet?"

"I have not."

"Then I will not spoil you." Another tug on his sleeve. "The plot really picks up at that point."

Essek tilts his head to the side, studying Caleb. According to the clock in his room, it is past midnight, which is quite late for the human to still be awake. Yet, he is just hovering in his doorway, caught between stepping inside and leaving again. "I presume you did not come here to discuss my evening reading matter."

"Ah..." He tugs at his sleeves again. "No, I did not." As always, Caleb is as incapable of voicing his needs as Essek is.

Thankfully, Essek is not nearly as apprehensive when it comes to his friends' well-being as he is when his own is concerned. "Should you have trouble sleeping, you know you are more than welcome to stay. Seeing as we are to make progress tomorrow, I am very invested in you having a restful night."

Not being able to sleep is another thing about that practice that Essek cannot understand. Trancing is a matter of will, discipline, and tranquillity and he's always assumed sleep to be the same. He supposes it is, to some degree.

But travelling with the Mighty Nein, and Caleb specifically, has taught him that you cannot force sleep. There are circumstances under which they will toss and turn for hours, unable to find rest. Not even Beau's meditation, which he considered relatively close to his trance, seemed capable to calm a disturbed mind enough for sleep.

He has, however, also discovered that for certain members of the Mighty Nein, certain methods will accomplish the necessary peace of mind. Caduceus' tea appears to be able to work miracles, time and time again. Beauregard likes to tire herself out by running drills, while Jester usually draws in her sketchbook. Yasha tends to make flower crowns or, lacking flowers, braid other people's hair. Essek has been subjected to that numerous times so far and despite his aversion to Dynasty braids, he doesn't hate it. Fjord usually ties sailor's knots, and Veth sorts through her various collections.

Caleb, though? Caleb, for some reason, only needs another person to fall asleep next to. And for some reason, despite the numerous options he has, he chooses Essek more often than not. Not that he's complaining, of course. In fact, he may enjoy it a little too much.

Caleb laughs quietly as he often does at their antics. They have long since learned the rules to this strange game they are playing. "Well, if you put it like this..." he says as he rids himself of his slippers—Hausschuhe, he has explained to Essek, a very important part of Zemnian culture—and puts them next to Essek's. "I would hate to disappoint you, Herr Thelyss."

'You couldn't,' he thinks as he pulls back the covers. Instead, he says: "Indeed." As always, he freezes in place when Caleb joins him on the bed, scooting closer until they are nearly touching. Being this close to each other is not getting any less mortifying, no matter how long it has been since Caleb first came knocking on his door.

He still remembers that night in vivid detail. As so often, Essek has been reading and just got up to get a cup of tea. When he stepped out of his rooms, he nearly collided with a wizard who had convinced himself that his suffering wasn’t important enough to trouble him with. “Do you want to come in?” he said to his own surprise. To his even bigger surprise, Caleb accepted.

They sat on Essek’s couch and talked about everything and nothing at once. Hours later, with his throat gone dry, Essek asked: “Shouldn’t you be asleep by now?” The moments the words left his mouth he knew he’d said something wrong.

Caleb shot to his feet as if burned and Essek followed suit. “I am so sorry, friend. I will not continue to disturb you any—”

“Where are you going?” he interrupted him, perhaps a little irritated. “Give me some credit, Caleb Widogast; I am capable of far subtler ways to rid myself of an unwelcome visitor. Which you are not.”

He laughed self-consciously and said: “Regardless, I should go and rest. Schlaf gut, Herr Thelyss.”

“You could stay,” he blurted out before he could stop himself. “I mean—I noticed your sleep to be more restful when you are around others. I am aware that I am not your first choice, but since the others are not here—You’re welcome to stay, if it at all helps.”

Caleb hesitated. “Are you sure?”

“Certainly.”

“In Ordnung,” he answered finally. Essek is still glad he had thought to float for that conversation. That way, at least, his knees didn’t give out.

A short discussion about who should take the bed followed before they stubbornly agreed to share it. Essek came to regret that immediately after when he was confronted with the practical implications of ‘sharing a bed’.

“Make yourself at home,” he said. Caleb took some time to rearrange the pillows and blankets—just like he does now—while Essek hovered nearby. Literally.

It took several reminders from Caleb for Essek to not instinctively recast his floating cantrip, but eventually they managed to lie down next to each other with a minimal amount of awkwardness. They have moved past that initial apprehensiveness by now, Essek thinks while he pretends to read. Shortly after, Caleb flops down, close enough that Essek can feel his breath ghosting over his cheeks.

“Good night, Caleb Widogast,” Essek says, stubbornly staring at the pages and nowhere else. "Do you want me to dim the lights?" He doesn't need them anyways; he just likes to appreciate the room Caleb made for him in all of its colours.

"No, I think I would like to read a bit. I am quite fond of that book."

"You are?" Essek looks down to him in surprise. ‘If Caleb tilts his head,’ the thought hits him, ‘he could rest it on my shoulder.’ He just thought it to be one of the countless books Caleb has read in his life, nothing special. "Why?"

He blushes again. "Ah— I think you'll see. The title is more literal than one would assume."

He considers the book once more, trying to discern what Caleb means with his words. ‘Luxon help me,’ he sends a silent prayer. It wouldn’t be the first time for him to pick up a romance novel that turns out to be quite a bit more explicit than anticipated. To think that such a mistake may have happened to him with Caleb so close—He thinks he might just combust from embarrassment.

"Do you mind flipping the page?" Caleb asks with a yawn, startling Essek out of his thoughts.

"Oh, of course," he says belatedly and turns the page. He hasn't read the last one yet, but nor has he read the one before, so it hardly matters. The novel has a rather shallow plot, so he has no trouble picking it up three pages later, and he's done so by design.

“Thank you.” He yawns again, louder this time and burrows down further into his pillows. “Gute Nacht, mein Schatz,” he mumbles and freezes as if he only now realises what he said. He seems to wait for an answer, but when Essek fails to provide a wrong one, he just smiles up at him and says: “Schlaf wohl und g’sund, bis morgen früh’s Kaffeele kommt.”

“I don’t understand you,” Essek tells him just as quietly, “but you can translate tomorrow.” After a moment of hesitation, he adds in Undercommon: “Sweet dreams, my dear. I’ll be here when you wake up.” He quickly glances back at his book before he can do anything stupid. Such as regret his words. Or kiss him goodnight.

Still, with Caleb reading along he does his best to at least somewhat read the novel. It’s a very flowery language, occasionally dropping Zemnian words Essek doesn’t know. Judging by Caleb’s grumbling at least some of them appear to be wrong. The protagonist, Stefan, seems like quite the bore. He does have a strong motivation, he supposes, to escape from the dreary life that awaits him in his arranged marriage. Besides that, and his general cold-hearted demeanour, he can’t discern any defining characteristics.

He finally reaches the part Caleb asked him about—Stefan leaving for the big city—when another character is introduced, presumably his love interest. He appears to be about as compelling as the protagonist, until— Essek snorts quietly. “Caleb Widogast,” he chides softly, “is this a love story about wizards?”

At first, he doesn’t answer and Essek briefly considers the option of Caleb wilfully ignoring him. Then, there’s a barely audible snore. When he glances down in surprise, the human is leaning against his shoulder, soundly asleep. He noisily chews on a strand of his hair, a bit of drool dripping onto Essek’s shoulder.

For a moment he can’t help but stare, a dopey smile on his face. He quickly arrives at the conclusion that something as disgusting as that has absolutely no business being as endearing as it is. But for some reason he doesn’t mind at all.

Moving carefully and slowly, in order not to disturb Caleb’s sleep, he puts down The Creation of Silver. It is getting rather late and he probably should begin his trance, if he wants to wake before Caleb's inevitable departure.

He leans back, wiggling a bit to find a comfortable position. He thinks he's doing a good job of not rousing Caleb until the human grunts quietly. Essek freezes, fearing he may have woken him, but instead of opening his eyes, Caleb just shifts closer to him, throwing an arm and a leg across his lap to hold him tight.

Essek looks down at his... friend with a fond expression. After a moment of consideration, he reaches down to brush the strand of hair behind his ear.  

Sometimes, he feels like he can barely contain all the love he feels for this man within himself. One day, perhaps, he might even find the courage to tell him so.

Zemnian Translations:

Hausschuhe - slippers. In fact a Very Important German thing. Can't wear your normal shoes indoors, so you need special house shoes. Schlaf gut, Herr Thelyss. - Sleep well, Mister Thelyss. Gute Nacht, mein Schatz. -  Good night, my darling. (lit. treasure) Schlaf wohl und g'sund, bis morgen früh's Kaffeele kommt. - Sleep well and sound until tomorrow morning the little coffee arrives. (My Caleb is Suebian now and I don't take criticism. I was writing this when I suddenly remembered this sentence my parents used to say to me and I thought if my sleep deprived brain remembers things like that, it would only be appropriate if Caleb's did too.)

I’ve thought a lot about The Guard and their immortality. They don’t know why they have immortality and they don’t know why they lose it, but there is the underlying implication that there ARE answers even if The Guard doesn’t know them. I’m going to attempt to offer a theory that would answer these questions.

We know because of the script reveal that there is nothing biologically different between them and the rest of humanity. There’s also this implication of destiny, that they are meant to find each other because of their dreams, and if we are to believe that destiny is such a thing within this world, then that means EVERYTHING that happens is destined. We know Lykon lost his immortality even though he became immortal after Andy, so what determines when they lose their immortality has nothing to do with being the oldest. We also know Andy lost her immortality after she learned that Quynh is still drowning. Obviously, I am choosing not to consider the script here, because the script would suggest she lost it when Nile became immortal, not after Nile’s dream. (And I’m choosing to take into consideration parts of the screenplay and not others for a reason even though it could make my theory less credible.)

That being said, my theory is this means that all of them are “chosen” by destiny to be immortal because of their capacity for goodness and faith in humanity. When they lose one of these two things, the capacity for goodness or more likely their faith in humanity, they lose their immortality. This is why Andy outlived Lykon, despite having been alive long before him, and why she loses her immortality now. Her faith in humanity was already on its way out, and then Nile has that dream, confirming that Quynh has not escaped, and has not died, and is still drowning over and over drowning, 500 years later. This drains her of any remaining faith, and she loses her immortality.

This brings me to why Joe and Nicky become immortal at the same time rather than centuries apart like all the others.

First, there’s Nicky, who was not good when he died. But if we believe destiny exists in this world, then it doesn’t matter that he wasn’t good when he died - all that matters is that he would BECOME good.

And the reason they come into immortality is not just because they died at the same time, but because individually neither of them fulfill the requirements for immortality, but together they both do. Nicky would not have become good if it weren’t for Joe and Joe would not have the faith in humanity that he does if not for witnessing Nicky change. They both together had the capacity to fulfill the requirements eventually, but apart wouldn’t have, so they became immortal together.

This is why I believe they will lose their immortality together. This fandom likes to headcanon about what will happen when one loses it before the other, when one dies before the other, and that can be interesting to theorize about, but I really believe that won’t happen. If one were to lose what makes them good, or what gives them faith in humanity, the other would immediately lose it too. They are both good people who have faith in humanity directly BECAUSE the other is also good and also has faith in humanity. They can’t fulfill both requirements without the other doing so too.

That brings me to Booker, Quynh and Nile.

With Booker, it’s obvious he doesn’t want to live, but I don’t think that means he’s lost his capacity to do good or that he has no faith in humanity. He betrayed the guard in the movie, but he believed he was doing good and he believed millions of people would benefit from it. Plus, he immediately acknowledges his mistake. When Andy tells him how long his exile is, he says, “Hoped for less, expected more” and when Andy tells him Nile wanted to let him off with an apology, he says, “Give her time,” as if to suggest she will one day understand, just as he does, why an apology isn’t enough. This means that his capacity for good is completely unbiased, even for himself. He is not even his own exception to doing the right thing. So, whether you like Booker or not, it is clear that, at heart, he is still good and still has faith in humanity.

Then there’s Quynh, who we don’t know a lot about yet, from the movie. In the comics, when she resurfaces she believes that The Guard exists to make humanity suffer. I think it’s safe to say that if the sequel, assuming there is one, goes in that direction, Quynh isn’t good and doesn’t have faith in humanity. If she immediately lost her immortality in the sequel, that would lend credence to my theory, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. So if she believes it’s her purpose to make humanity suffer, and she doesn’t lose her humanity, then my theory is arguably wrong. But I feel the need to bring up destiny again, and the fact that when Nicky became immortal he was also a bad person doing harm to humanity. Since that’s true, I think it stands to reason that if Quynh both intends to make humanity suffer AND keeps her immortality in the sequel, it is because that is destined to change, just like Nicky was destined to change. Also, the fact that when Nicky was doing harm to humanity, he honestly BELIEVED he was doing what he had to do, was meant to do, was right to do - and the same thing would be true for Quynh, I think it’s possible beliefs play a role in their ability to gain/maintain immortality too. Even misguided beliefs. They are allowed to make mistakes and lose their way as long as it’s destined they make up for those mistakes and find their way back.

That leaves Nile. When Nile dies, Andy says something along the lines of, “Why now? It’s been over 200 years.” (This has always stuck out to me. Why would she say it’s been “over 200 years” like that’s an exceptionally long time to go without a new immortal? There was 700 years between Joe and Nicky and Booker. It’s implied there were hundreds, if not THOUSANDS of years between Andy and Quynh, and then Quynh and Lykon. What she really should be saying is, “Why now? It’s ONLY been 200 years.” But either way, this line helps make my case, so…)

I bring this up because it makes it clear that when new immortals show up is completely random. There is no way to predict when a new one will arrive or why or IF there’s a why, though it’s overtly implied there is at this exact moment because Nicky answers Andy with, “Everything happens for a reason, Boss.”.

But if it really is determined by capacity for goodness and faith in humanity, then that’s obviously why it’s random. It will only happen when someone who is born destined to be good and believe in humanity dies. Even if when they become good and find faith in humanity is well after initially gaining their immortality, and whether it’s been 200 or 5000 years since the last. So the reason it’s Nile when it’s Nile is because Nile has that capacity for goodness and faith in humanity and she died when she was destined to die.

But why was she destined to die then? Like I said, if one thing in this universe is destined, then EVERYTHING in this universe is also destined because that’s how destiny works.

Andy tells Nile, “I think I lost my immortality when you showed up,” and then explains to Nile she thinks that was so she could be “reminded of what it’s like.” I believe Andy believes that, but I don’t agree. I think the real reason Nile died when Nile died, and not earlier or much later, is because Nile is the one who revived Andy’s faith in humanity. She tells Andy as she’s rescuing her, “I’ve seen it, Andy” in reference to Copley’s board, and she says to her later, “Maybe this is ‘the why’ Andy,” meaning, the reason they don’t die is because they are the only ones good enough to help humanity for millennia, even when it’s not obvious they’re helping for literal centuries, and even when it appears that humanity doesn’t deserve it, or isn’t getting better. They are the ones who have this great capacity for good and who have enough faith in humanity to DO good FOR humanity even when there’s no obvious proof they SHOULD have faith in humanity and they are the only ones who would not do nothing with their immortality, or worse, consciously harm humanity with their immortality.

Which brings me to one last thing: why does it matter if Nile revives Andy’s faith in humanity after she already lost her immortality?

Because…maybe…if she’s still good…and rediscovers faith in humanity…she can get her immortality back.

I hope there’s the tiniest possibility my theory is right for this reason alone.

triggers: cursing, assholes, helicopter parents, mentions of being a ‘gifted kid’, losing someone mention/implication, dying mention/implication, public being stressful, tell me if i need to add anything please!!

“Hey, Pat, why do you act so differently when doing the superhero gig?” Virgil asked casually, hanging upside down off the couch. His eyes widened as he realized what he said and quickly added, “Only if you wanna answer, of course.” He coughed awkwardly, staring resolutely up at the ceiling.

Patton snorted softly, leaning back in the armchair. “‘S alright, Vee. I’m fine with answering,” he moved around slightly as he tried to get comfortable before sighing. “The reason I act so bubbly and cheerful when in the costume is, 1, because of the fucking mayor. Dude’s a prick who believes that if you aren’t happy, you can’t possibly be a superhero. If you don’t act happy, let the mask slip for even a second, he threatens to boot you from the city and reveal your identity, the asshole,” he rolled his eyes, muttering some colorful things under his breath. 

“Anyways, besides the insolent mayor, the public just expects us to act like that. For Roman, it isn’t as much of a problem, considering he’s sort of just naturally like that. But even for him, it gets straining and tiring after a while. The public pushes that expectation of being bright and peppy and charming to a whole new, unobtainable, and frankly unhealthy level,” Patton explained, leaning his head against his fist. “But yeah, I guess. Hope that explains it.”

 The two vigilantes sat there as they pondered that for a moment before Virgil spoke up softly, but with no less feeling in his voice, “Why do the corrupt people always have to be the ones that have power?”

Logan snorted contemptuously, “Normal people don’t need that power. They’re usually content with their lot in life, at least the ones that aren’t too affected by dumbass decisions. But corrupt people? If they get even the slightest taste of power, hell, they don’t even need to have gotten that, they’ll claw their way to the top, to those positions of power. Because they’re determined enough to make it there, because they won’t let anyone get in their way. And we’re the ones that have to deal with the collateral damage from them and their decisions.” 

“It’s such a shame,” Roman said quietly, picking fuzz off the carpet. “People might have actual happy lives if it weren’t for these—these monsters,” his fist clenched, the knuckles going white as he experienced a wave of strong emotions.

Patton gave a mirthless laugh, “That’s offensive to monsters. The fuckers are so much worse.” 

Logan stared directly at the ground, already knowing what question was going to come next. His phone was blowing up, going through different games apps and games as his powers went slightly haywire. He took a deep breath just as the question came.

“Hey, Logan…if you don’t mind me asking…why do you also act so different in the mask? I mean, you’re much more…” Roman struggled to find the correct word, “humorous when you’re not in the costume. I’m just kinda wondering if it’s for sort of similar reasons as Pat’s?” 

Logan let out a deep sigh, staring at the ground for a moment before looking up, leaning back up against the wall. “I don’t mind. It’s kind of complicated I guess. There’s just a lot of layers to it,” he said quietly, his phone finally turning off. “As a kid, my mom and dad were essentially helicopter parents. I was their first kid and they were so worried they’d mess up somehow. They didn’t let me play with the other kids that much, didn’t let me put up posters in my room or decorate it, made me focus on my studies and school.

At around 12, they finally relaxed. I had a 4 year old brother by then and my baby sister had been born a month ago. I was free to do so much more suddenly. But…I didn’t. Because I was scared. I stuck to what I knew, my studies and my books. I was pegged as ‘the gifted kid’. And, y’know what? I could live with that. I could deal with being whispered about, ‘Oh, he’s that smart kid right?’ ‘Yeah, it’s kinda freaky how he knows so much,’” he mimicked the students' whispering voices. 

“Just as long as I was taken seriously, as long as I wasn’t a joke, I could live with it. But during…I think it was around either  senior year in high school or freshman year in college, I realized that I…didn’t want that. I wanted to joke around, I wanted to relax, I wanted to unwind, I wanted to finally be myself. But there was always that part of me that did want to be taken seriously and that translated to my superhero persona, I guess. And being a vigilante, I had to work doubly hard to be taken seriously. People always seemed to be aware that I wasn’t a superhero, always assuming that I failed to become one, when in reality it was my choice. But they just assumed that being a vigilante was somehow inferior to being a superhero, as if they couldn’t accept that, hey! News flash, they might even be equals!” he did sarcastic jazz hands before letting his arms fall limply to his sides, his head falling back onto the wall.  

“I just…I had to be taken seriously, y’know? Else people might not listen to me and I could…” he swallowed. “I could lose them,” he whispered hoarsely. Virgil stiffened slightly at the last sentence, before consciously making his muscles relax. The two vigilantes shared a small glance before Logan resumed talking. 

“But when I’m out of the suit, I don’t need to worry about that stuff. I can just…be myself. I don’t need to worry about being listened to, being considered a joke, because there’s not many real consequences with that. Nobody’s gonna literally die if they don’t follow my instructions. Sure, I might get a little annoyed, but ultimately I can just flip them off and move on,” he shrugged slightly, just a small lift of the shoulders. 

The two superheroes' mouths formed in silent ‘O’. “Damn,” Roman whispered, his hand still at his side as the fuzz lay forgotten on the carpet. 

Patton chuckled mirthlessly, resting his cheek on his fist. “Guess this city’s really fucked up, huh?” he asked tiredly, the bags under his eyes obvious. 

Virgil’s mouth quirked upwards at the corners, “And that’s why we’re here.”

authors notes: gotta love them one shots ghdshadsfjsa. this one shot basically just explains the distinction between their superhero/vigilante personas and their actual personalities and the reasons behind them.

Malec in late 2B

It's been *checks watch* three years and I've finally calmed down enough to try and untangle my feelings about the end of 2B in a coherent way.

1) Alec's decision not to tell Magnus about the Soul Sword. I've worked through my thoughts regarding that in this fic already where I go into Alec's reasoning for it. The tldr of which is that a) Alec consciously made the decision not to tell Magnus instead of running out of time to decide, b) he actually had good reasons for that and made that decision with Magnus's and the Downworld's best interests at heart and c) ultimately his love for Magnus was the very reason he didn't tell him because if he had cared about sparing Magnus's feelings a little less he would have told Magnus about the Soul Sword on condition that Magnus can't tell his people, damn the guilt Magnus will feel when warlocks die because they weren't forewarned.

2) Magnus's reaction to finding out. Magnus flips his shit, basically, lashes out, is deliberately hurtful and doesn't really listen to Alec's reasons for his decision. This is both an understandable and an ic reaction because Magnus is a very emotion-driven character and what he just learned is drastic. Could there have been a more graceful way to handle this revelation? Certainly. But it's nothing I would just expect from any given character. You'd have to be exceptionally level-headed to keep your cool in such a situation and I don't fault Magnus for not being that. His reaction was very human.

Alec gets points deduction for his line “Let's not make this personal” because dude, do you know your boyfriend at all? Have you realized that emotional compartmentalization isn't his strong forte? This line just angers Magnus more. (Alec also gets points deduction, with extreme prejudice, for trying to shush Magnus because what is wrong with you, man. I mean, this might just be a personal hang-up of mine but isn't that gesture patronizing as hell? Anyway.) On the other hand Alec gets some points for not going after Magnus. When I first watched that I thought it was very strange and kinda weird but in hindsight it is obviously the right choice. Magnus needed time and space to deal and Alec realized that trying to go after him and talk it out then was pointless and would have only angered Magnus more.

3) Magnus's reaction to Alec seeking him out because of Max. Admirable. Magnus puts all his (very understandable) anger aside to rush to the Lighwood family's aid. It doesn't matter that he can't help in the end, he is there as emotional support despite the frosty atmosphere between him and Alec. It is the decent thing to do but not everybody would have shown such kindness in his shoes. 10/10.

4) Magnus contemplating if he should take the Seelie Queen's offer aka sappy Malec flashbacks. I'm gonna place half the blame on show writers and half the blame on Magnus himself because, bro, this is not how you make a strategical decision for your people. Not even once is Magnus shown contemplating the repercussions of his decision for the warlocks or Valentine or the future of the Downworld. He only mopes about his boyfriend betraying his trust, basically. And I mean! I understand he's hurting a lot! And I understand people can't just turn off their emotions! But a good leader should be able to put his own emotions aside at least for a short time when an integral decision about his people has to be made, and quickly! And in that regard Magnus, uh, fails, apparently.

Again, I think half the blame lies with the show writers who wanted cute Malec flashbacks and generally fail at portraying inner Downworlder affairs if they don't serve the shadowhunter-centric plot. But I can't just yell “ooc behavior!!” and shrug it off because this isn't exactly ooc behavior for Magnus. Magnus is a very emotion-driven character who fails at separating personal and political matters. That's a theme. I point no further than the whole Camille-thing where he turned a blind eye to her bleeder dens because he felt personally indebted to her, and only stopped her when Raphael's life was at stake. So yeah... 0/10.

Full disclosure, I think there is a different way to read these scenes. Maybe Magnus wasn't just nursing his broken heart and missing the point. Maybe what he was actually contemplating was what he'd been fighting about with Luke before, namely if Alec can even be trusted as a person or if he's too much a shadowhunter to ever deserve their faith and cooperation because he will always treat Downworlders as lesser, because he's as racist as the Clave. In that case it would make sense for him to remember their private 1:1 interactions, to reassess Alec's character as a whole. But it would also mean that the conclusion he reached is that Alec is as corrupt as the rest of the Clave, and that would make them getting back together without ever talking about this... even more messed up than it already is! But I'm getting ahead of myself. Anyway, needless to say that I don't interpret it this way.

5) Magnus breaking up with Alec. To me personally (and to Alec) the breakup makes no sense. Magnus and Alec have different stances on, like, the implications of their relationship (and I'm emotionally wired like Alec is, at least in that regard). What I mean is this: Why does Magnus feel the need to break up with Alec? He's not an idiot, he knows that just because he breaks up with Alec his feelings for Alec will not miraculously evaporate as well. He'll be as emotionally compromised as he was before. And yet he says, “The only thing holding me back from [making difficult decisions to ensure the survival of my people] is you.”

Here's the thing. When Alec decides not to tell Magnus about the Soul Sword he does so in his capacity as the Head of the Institute, taking (almost) no account of his role as Magnus's lover. He is able to do that because he can compartmentalize between these two roles in an extreme way and therefor his relationship status has no influence on his decision. (Sure, not being with Magnus wouldn't have provided extra incentive to tell him, but work with me here. What I mean is that if Alec had rationally decided to tell Magnus about the Soul Sword, he would have made that same decision whether he was with Magnus at that point or not.) What did influence his decision making process were his feelings for Magnus, and these remain unchanged regardless of their relationship status.

Magnus has an entirely different stance. To him being in a relationship implies a certain kind of loyalty that must be maintained at all times. If their roles had been reversed I don't doubt that Magnus would have told Alec about the Soul Sword immediately because of said loyalty, and he would have thought it through for exactly zero seconds beforehand. He expected the same thing from Alec and that's why he feels so betrayed when he realizes that Alec kept it from him. This is why Magnus feels the need to break up with Alec: to disengage from this loyalty that keeps him from making decisions with only the warlocks in mind. Magnus's decision making hinges on their relationship status and the loyalty it demands, not his feelings for Alec.

Alec doesn't understand this. That's why he tells Magnus that he can have both: Alec, and the freedom to make the best choices for the warlocks, to act like the High Warlock of Brooklyn. Alec wouldn't hold it against him if he made the best decisions for his people while they are together because Alec, too, did have Magnus and made decisions as the Head of the Institute. But Magnus works differently. He'd feel like he's betraying Alec if he makes High Warlock of Brooklyn decisions while still being with Alec. And that's why he breaks up with Alec, and that's why it makes sense for Magnus to break up with him.

6) Magnus's behavior afterwards. Oh my god where do I even start.

--- Magnus being a petty bitch? Hell yeah.

--- Magnus hiding behind the Seelie Queen and running after her like he's her lap dog? Hell no. Wtf did I just watch!! Even better, he leaves Raphael behind? And Raphael then tells Izzy that Magnus was his ride and he's effectively trapped at the Institute because the sun is shining brightly outside?? I'm sorry, what. The Downworld just divorced the shadowhunters with a side of “hmm maybe we'll stop caring about the Accords as well in the near future” and Magnus leaves his Raphael behind? This is unacceptable!! I don't even know what to say to that!!

--- This has surely been discussed before but it needs to be said. Magnus implementing an anti-portal ward around New York that incinerates any angel-blooded creature that tries to pass it and not telling Alec about it. They hear about it from Luke instead and since Jace's reaction is immediately telling the shadowhunter extra next to him to stop shadowhunter movement in and out of the city immediately it is heavily implied that some shadowhunters already died thanks to this ward – since there are apparently troop movements in and out of the city that need to be stopped. (Which was to be expected! Sure, they know Valentine won't leave the city before he's got his hands on what he believes to be the mortal mirror locked away at the Institute, but he could surely be regrouping outside the city. Sending patrols into the near vicinity is the sensible thing to do.) Shadowhunter casualties due to the ward are further implied by Jace then leaning heavily on the desk and half-whispering to himself “No more shadowhunters die today.” Which makes sense. The patrols in question would have just vanished with no chance to report back what happened to them so they were probably assumed dead by Valentine's hand.

The point: Wtf Magnus. He must have been aware this could and would happen. The way I see it there are only two possible explanations: Magnus deliberately did not tell the NY Institute shadowhunters a) because he thought word might get around to Valentine or b) out of pettiness. And considering that knowing about the ward doesn't magically un-trap you and only means you will not cross it and therefore remain alive but contained, a) doesn't really make sense. The ward wasn't designed to lure Valentine to his death. It was designed to keep Valentine in the city so the other Downworld factions could hunt him down, and the ward will continue to do so even after Valentine learns of its existence. There s no harm in him knowing about it while there is a lot of harm in the NY shadowhunters not knowing about it because they will just die, for nothing, while trying to find Valentine. Magnus willingly risking that on the off-chance that Valentine walks into the ward at random is not his style at all. This leaves pettiness as motivation and sure, Magnus is petty, but not at the cost of so many casualties. This is so painfully ooc that I just can't!!

7) Their “reconciliation.” As you might have already guessed from those quotation marks: Thanks, I hate it. That adequately sums up my feelings on the matter. Don't get me wrong, the scene itself is lovely, I guess. But, content! They have this huge issue and they just don't talk about it! Magnus never learns of Alec's (legit) reasons for not telling him about the Soul Sword. Alec apologizes for.. what exactly? Doing something he was convinced was the right thing? And they never realize their differences in decision making which is even worse! This whole drama stemmed from the fact that they view the obligations that come with being in a relationship differently where their responsibilities as leaders are concerned. This is bound to become a problem again in the future!! And they just! dont! talk about it! aaaahhhhhhhh!!!! how!!!!!! are you adults or what!!!!!!! *sigh* just... –ꝏ /10

8) Aftermath. Oh right, this will of course not become a problem again in the future because Magnus loses his job. How neat.

Leaving the salt aside though I have to admit that I.. actually think the warlocks weren't entirely in the wrong in sacking Magnus. And before you kill me, hear me out. The first thing to note is that neither Raphael nor Luke get sacked for their decision to side with the Seelie Queen. Why is that? Because vampires and werewolves are fundamentally differently organized than warlocks. Warlocks have an international infrastructure. There's the Council, the Spiral Labyrinth, and stuff. Vampires and werewolves have their local clans and packs, and nothing more. Magnus has superiors. Raphael and Luke do not. After the Seelie Queen makes that deal with Valentine she condemns every Downworlder, except those located in New York, to death. Raziel's wish will kill every Downworlder on earth and only those in the Seelie Realm are safe. And as Magnus says in early 2x19

If Valentine had succeeded then literally all the other warlocks in the world would have died! Yes, the fact that the Seelie Queen threw them all under the bus isn't Magnus's fault, but

it was to be expected. Luke and Raphael both warn Magnus not to trust the Seelie Queen, that she has her own agenda and it's to rule over the Downworld, and that's why both Luke and Raphael were hesitant to accept her deal.

So I think it's pretty understandable why the other warlocks kicked Magnus out on his ass. In their eyes he would have been semi-complicit in their collective demise if Valentine had succeeded, having sided with the one who betrayed the Downworld. It doesn't matter that Magnus's choice means the warlocks at least wouldn't have gone entirely extinct if Valentine had won. It doesn't matter that the Seelie Queen would have made that deal with Valentine whether the other Downworlder factions had sided with her or not. (She had Simon in her Realm who could create new vampires, she probably would have kept Maia for new werewolves, and warlocks can be made by uuhh unethical means. What better Downworld than one that's never known anything but the Seelie Queen's uncontested reign? Yes, she absolutely would have let them all die.) None of that matters to the warlocks. They feel like Magnus betrayed them as a community and that's why they sack him.

Okay, so now we know why it made (in-universe) sense for the warlocks to fire Magnus. Make no mistake though – I don't approve of this reasoning. It's short-sighted and not very practical, and also unfair. Better save some of your species than none, right? Fine, Magnus should have informed the Council and stuff about what was going on so they could make their own deals with the Seelie Queen if they want to.. but then, do we even know if he did or didn't inform them? No. Any further discussion on this point is just poking in the dark so let's move on.

I did say that I think the warlocks weren't entirely in the wrong in dismissing Magnus from his job, though. Let me explain.

a) Magnus's decision to side with the Seelie Queen or remain sided with the Institute would have not made a difference regarding the whole Valentine-thing, right? Things would have played out exactly the same: Warlocks create anti-portal ward, Val makes a deal with the Seelie Queen and gets to Alicante anyway. The survival of the Downworld depended on Clary stabbing Valentine to death before he made the wish, and that remains unchanged no matter Magnus's decision. What Magnus's decision would have influenced (if this goddamn show knew what continuity is, lol) is what came after. Where does siding with the trigger-happy Seelie Queen, who made no secret of gunning for war with the Clave, leave the warlocks? On the Clave's bad side, that's for sure. Especially if things had escalated between the seelies and the shadowhunters (which they do in the books!!). In the show.. things just go back to how they were before the Downworld's little fail-rebellion. Either because the Downworld and the Clave mutually decide to just pretend none of it ever happened (since the Consul was exposed as a Circle Member, which, awkward) or, which I believe is more likely, because 3A focuses on The Owl Mystery and not on foreign policy and this show just sucks when it comes to including anything not strictly-plot-relevant. In any case!! Magnus's decision to side with the Seelie Queen should have had severe repercussions for the warlocks and their standing with the Clave aka dramatically worsened it, and for nothing (since nothing came of the “rebellion” and it's honestly doubtful how many warlocks would have wanted a full-on war with the shadowhunters anyway. They seem pretty good at laying low and doing their own thing). So in the long term siding with the Seelie Queen wasn't / wouldn't have been a strategically good decision (if it wasn’t followed up by a war of independence, which it wasn’t) and a legit reason to get fired.

b) More importantly, in 3x09 Lorenzo says to Magnus, “I took this position because you couldn't handle it. You let your heart dictate your actions and that will be your downfall,” which I always took to mean – since Lorenzo was god knows where when all of 2B happened – that the gossip in the warlock community is strong, and has it that Magnus only sided with the Seelie Queen as revenge for Alec not telling him about the Soul Sword / something relating to their breakup. No matter how this opinion formed in the community... *glances at 4)* they're not wrong? And this is definitely a legit reason to get fired.

So where does this leave us? I don't approve of the Council firing Magnus for the reason they did because it was a dumb reason. When I look at Lorenzo – lazy, self-centered, unwilling to actually do anything when push comes to shove – I don't think Magnus should be fired because he's obviously the much better choice as High Warlock. And I don't even think that siding with the Seelie Queen was, per se, a wrong choice. But the way Magnus made that choice left much to be desired and was a clear lapse in leadership, one where a dismissal would have been justified. And this should have been addressed in a constructive way so he can learn from his mistake.

Neurodivergence in Generation X Part 4:

The Twist

Heads up I hate this.

As I said before, the Monet we see across Generation X is actually four different people. There’s the twins (Claudette and Nicole) who control the “Monet” we see up until #31, the real Monet and Penance, the red demon-like creature that Monet is trapped inside. In revealing this twist to the audience, the series makes some weird decisions so I guess I’ll have to talk about it.

This is also where I talk about the more serious ableism in this series. Hopefully it won’t get too heavy.

In a staggeringly unnecessary move, it is revealed that one of the twins, Claudette, is autistic and not Monet - "Monet"’s catatonic spells were apparently a manifestation of Claudette’s autism and had nothing to do with Monet at all. To this day, Monet is assumed to be neurotypical in canon.

So why do they do this? Well, honestly it’s because they think autism is a bad thing. The initial reveal that Monet might have autism is handled like it’s a goddamn horror movie.

We’re supposed to think this is horrifying. And the idea of autism ultimately being a bad thing that can befall a person persists throughout the series.

Now, it might seem obvious why this is ableist but I’m going to spell it out just in case. While ASD is (by most people’s reckoning) a disability, that is not the same as it being a “thing that is wrong with you”. It’s not wrong or right, good or bad, it’s just one of many things that might be true of a person. This attitude - the attitude that autism is some horrible tragedy - has horrific effects in real life. It leads parents to not get their kids tested because they think the label will ruin their lives, thus denying them the support they need. It leads parents to put their children through horrible, even abusive, treatments to “cure” them. It’s the driving force behind the anti-vaxx movement which has cost children their lives. It’s not a new attitude, and Generation X is hardly the most egregious example of it but it is something that should never go unchallenged.

There’s also an unfortunate implication in how this manifests in the story because of the context. Monet is perfect. Her powers are perfect. She’s her dad’s favourite. Her brother envies her for this reason. Whether intentional or not, the implication here is that one of Monet’s “perfections” is that she’s neurotypical - that her sister has some flaw that she lacks. Now, if this story was being told from Claudette’s perspective maybe that’s something that could be interesting to explore, maybe use Claudette and Monet's relationship to challenge the idea that there’s something wrong with her. But that’s not the story they’ve told. They’re not even doing the “Look, Monet’s not perfect, she’s actually autistic.” route (I’m not saying that’s a good idea, but it’s at least an idea).

Instead, what they do is just leave that implication hanging there; That Monet is perfect in part because she’s neurotypical and Claudette is flawed because she’s autistic. Yay.

So I really don’t like this and part of me just doesn’t accept it. I have two reasons why.

1. The twins-controlled version of Monet still had her Personality and Intellect.

When operating “Monet”, the twins tap into her real powers - her strength, flight, telepathy and (crucially) her intellect. They clearly have some access to something that would normally be considered part of Monet's mind.

Most of the time we spend with Monet she doesn’t act like two children, but instead like herself. “Monet” does start acting childish right before her true nature is revealed. Between #25 and #31, “Monet” is immature, overly emotional and kind of dumb in a way that is a massive contrast to how she was before. Now, obviously the writers are spreading seeds of intrigue before the twist with her behaviour in these issues. But the thing that stands out to me is how much it implies that the twins were, at least initially, authentically recreating Monet’s personality.

It is made very clear that "Monet" is definitely more than simply the combination of the twins.

This is subjective (ok all of this has been super subjective) but “Monet” starts to act more like the twins after dealing with Black Tom Cassidy which is, by no coincidence, exactly when Penance starts to come into her own (by just slashing the everloving shit out of that man). By my reading, when Monet starts to emerge within Penance, “Monet” starts to lose her Monet-ness and become more like the twins.

This is also supported by the fact that when we do finally meet Monet as herself, she acts very much like “Monet” did when we first met her.

So - bear with me - if “Monet” is autistic and “Monet” has Monet’s personality and intellect, then why the hell isn’t Monet also autistic? Seriously, why wouldn’t she be? The writers have adopted a “autism is stored in the consciousness” approach and, like, I just don’t think that’s how brains work.

2. Monet still reads as Neurodivergent even if they didn’t intend it.

As I said, Monet’s personality remains pretty consistent once she’s restored to her own body, albeit without the catatonic episodes. So she’s still abrupt, bad at reading a room, self-conscious but somehow not self-aware - all of the things I’ve talked about that made me relate to her and see her as neurodivergent are still there.

Also there’s Penance. Penance represents a lot of things, but the most obvious thing - the thing they keep hitting you over the head with in this series - is that Monet’s experience of being trapped inside the voiceless Penance is a direct parallel to “Monet’s” catatonic state. I don’t think I can express quite how obvious this is when you’re reading this: Penance is an extended metaphor for the way autism can rob you of your ability to communicate and how that leads you to be seen as (and even feel) other, less than normal, inhuman maybe.

This is all deliberate, but the writers (due to the aforementioned ableism - the fact that they see autism as a flaw) don’t follow through with the conclusion the metaphor implies. The most natural reading of Penance is to conclude that Monet is autistic like Claudette.

Conclusion

In a way, if you feel represented by something, then you have been. I see a lot of myself and my own experiences in Monet and that really is enough. She is still subtextually autistic, even if she’s denied the label. From what I've seen, many people in fandom agree with me (tldr: the fan wiki says she's not autistic, tumblr says she is).

However, I do wish they would retcon the “don’t worry she isn’t actually autistic” vibe. Just a little moment in X-corp or something to confirm she is neurodivergent. No need to make a big deal over it - I certainly don’t want another horror-style reveal - but it would be nice to have textual confirmation.

I hope I’ve made it clear why I think Monet is a genuinely interesting example of autistic representation. She contains multitudes (sometimes literally) and goes beyond tired cliches. To see an autistic character like her - a layered and nuanced woman of colour - is really rare.

Generation X is not good at talking about neurodivergence - in fact, it’s often kind of yikes - but I still found it interesting. Hopefully, if you’ve somehow read to the end of this, you did too.

-------------------

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

another ask: we have discussed Why Winston Is Autistic many a time but do you have any specific thoughts / opinions on why taylor is Not autistic, despite what certain viewers / interviewers out there might insist. i have some thoughts of my own but would like to hear yours first

oh interesting, thanks, would be v glad to share my ideas about it and then to hear yours as well

really of course gotta start out with arguing against those certain viewers / interviewers and the way they tend to misinterpret taylor as being cold / mechanical / unfeeling. taylor certainly can be out here consciously trying to set their emotions aside, or even to act against those emotions, but that's already getting to the heart (lol) of why people thinking taylor has no emotion (or even particularly less emotion than anyone else) is offbase: taylor is as emotional a being as anyone else, and in the setting of the show is one of the people more in tune with / aware of their own emotions ("i am the one of us who can handle emotions"....so true taylor!! if you have the perspective that dealing with your feelings by ignoring or repressing most of them and channeling the buildup into occasional outbursts of anger that you take out on others via aggression and/or elaborate revenge schemes doesn't really count as Handling anything) and the way that they act, whether in how they personally make decisions, how they behave in interpersonal exchanges, and how they navigate these social landscapes in general, involves reacting to and accounting for their own emotions, those of others, and how either can be a factor in what's going on around them

like, sure i get it but it's also always kind of funny when people even consider it that "surprising" that a character like taylor who is so impassive could always be paying attention to / interpreting how other people seem to feel / how people's emotions seem to factor into any situation at hand. like, it's surprising i guess if you've assumed that the fact taylor is not trying to be very nonverbally expressive and wear their heart on their sleeve (or even express themself in the same way as other characters who also aren't wearing their hearts on their sleeve might, such as expressing "i'm angry" via yelling at someone over it) is due to the further fact that taylor just doesn't feel much of anything, because if they did, whenever and however an emotion manifested, it would manifest on their face, somehow with no translation or delay or discretion between internal feeling & external manifestation of that feeling, which, by the way, would be an Objective, Universal external expression of said feeling which any & everyone would be able to accurately interpret, which is totally how any of that works for anyone, ever, including all the people who are expressive & emoting in "normal" ways (this is sarcastic)

the point there is that it makes perfect sense & is not somehow contradictory or dissonant that someone who might choose to present themself to others in a more inscrutable way when it comes to their emotions might also be someone who is very aware of how, in general, other people present / express their emotions, and furthermore might pay attention to interpreting that information, rather than be a character who's just always going "feelings??? what are those?? why & how do they factor into anything around here, i can't understand it & am thusly only going to ignore all of this" lol like. we know that taylor knows they're someone who's going to be scrutinized, kind of in general but also particularly relevant re: this world they're entering in the series, and people are going to make judgments that can hold them back based on pretty superficial, immediate information, they're showing up as an intern with no prior experience in anything but undergrad, who's nonbinary and presents in the way they want to, which doesn't happen to be a way other people interpret as totally cishet, who isn't performing the axe cap machismo, and such, and are at a disadvantage when it comes to being taken seriously or given any power or position by more established people (who also behave more according to the supposed norms and rules around here), choosing to Cultivate A Mystique. why wouldn't the person, who engages in this defensive effort which stems from, and requires, them being Aware of how emotions & the expression and interpretation of them are relevant to how other people percieve and treat them and choose to act around them, have feelings themself and pay attention to their own feelings and the feelings of others? i.e. their "mystique" aligns with, and stems from, them being aware of and understanding feelings generally, as well as their own in particular. they have to know what they're trying to avoid to be taking these measures to avoid it, and if they somehow actually didn't have any emotions, they wouldn't want or need to put up a front to not openly express how they feel to everyone around them.

and yet, of course, there's plenty of those people still going "taylor must not show a lot of their emotions on their face because they don't have feelings in the first place" when that's clearly not the case, the show has always let us know as much, and taylor Does show their emotions via facial expressions, whether deliberately communicating with people that way or occasionally being affected enough to struggle in the moment to stifle showing it on their face. not to mention that, you know, on top of everything, taylor is never completely impassive, and when they have this front up they're still using expressions to communicate with everyone, even if said expressions are more reined in / subtler than what viewers or other characters are used to / expect

so, after that prologue, this unfounded assumption people make about taylor has the two steps of 1) taylor has no emotions / interiority (except doing math) and 2) this means that they're autistic

of course, even if people are aware taylor feels anything at all, it can also just be that "well, if someone's social approach/style seems weird and wrong, that means they're autistic, right, or basically equivalent" again without thinking much about how taylor chooses to act beyond being offput by it, like whether they choose to act that way / could act any other way, or how successful it is or isn't for their purposes / what they're trying to do.

it's always kind of half joking but half serious that you Know* taylor's not autistic because so many of these viewers are interpreting them that way, just like how winston Is autistic because nobody interprets him that way, just thinks he's weird and dumb and has this general, unattributed dismissiveness / disdain / dislike for him overall

(*naturally like, nonzero chances that any autistic people interpret taylor as autistic, and anyone can actually Thoughtfully see them through that lens if they want lol or relate to them in that way, i def think there's things about them that can be Relatable on that front and like, always interesting considering the ways taylor being trans can actually be relevantly made a Parallel to someone being autistic and existing in this situation where means of expressing oneself are generally interpreted as "wrong" (and interpreted wrongly), rather than them only being able to compare it to the circumstantial & often temporary enough personal problems cishet people are having on the show)

but naturally my "counterevidence" isn't just that "well, people think taylor's autistic b/c they think taylor doesn't have feelings....but taylor DOES have feelings" lmao (and i also reject the "counterevidence" many viewers / (and interviewers, possibly) have for why they think taylor Can't be autistic*, which also doesn't truly involve thinking about the character, which is that "but taylor is so insistent on making eye contact, and besides acting wrong, not having feelings, and probably being good at math as a comorbidity, autistic people can't make eye contact!" when, of course, nothing's universal for autistic people just like it's not universal for allistic people, some people don't find eye contact difficult, and some people can & choose to mask, which can include making themselves make eye contact so that nt people are more comfortable (at their own comfort's expense) / in the hopes of avoiding miscommunication or misinterpretation stemming from "what's this person trying to say by Not making eye contact," and really this is one of those things that sure Could actually be a point for taylor being autistic, because there's the implication they taught themself to hold eye contact like that, and seems oftentimes when people who are autistic who find eye contact difficult / unpleasant try to make eye contact to mask, their options feel like they either hold prolonged, steady eye contact or they don't try to make eye contact at all. however, it's also been specified that taylor is holding direct eye contact primarily to observe what other people are conveying / get as much information as possible, rather than primarily for the purposes of themself communicating something)

(*of course there's no characters who Can't be autistic)

and along those lines, the reason i don't particularly perceive taylor as an autistic character is just sort of this general point wherein, when autistic people are masking they're trying to behave like how allistic people do and thus seem more "normal" by those standards, e.g. when autistic people's facial expressions are interpreted as too subtle / understated / otherwise lacking or absent, and if people are trying to mask they might have to consciously attempt to exaggerate their natural reactions. think it's already evident that this is the opposite of what people complain about / find Weird about taylor, whose expressions Are more subtle and dialed back, but the key context here is that for taylor, the more "normal" style of facial expressions is what comes naturally to them before and still does, despite being practiced in presenting this Mystique. it takes them effort to be less outwardly expressive, vs how it might take an autistic person effort to seem More expressive to an nt person. when this effort falters, taylor does become more expressive in a way allistic people would consider "normal," vs how when autistic people don't / can't mask, they're generally seen as Abnormal &/or simply not acting correctly / in a way that people approve of, even if they wouldn't describe it in that way (see: winston acting how he does & the negative reaction from other characters (and other viewers) because.....? cue my coined term for "people don't know someone's autistic and would in fact think they aren't (because for some reason allistic people think they'd Know if someone was autistic, regardless of whether that person knew it themself) but find them grating / annoying / offputting / etc and react with contempt / resentment”: je ne hate quoi)

there's also the fact that taylor's "masking" is a conscious measure that is meant to protect them, but they're hardly doing it first and foremost to simply try to improve communication / casual social connections, or to seem more "normal" to anyone; they're deliberately trying to communicate less on their end when it comes to nonverbal cues, presumably focusing on getting through more formal interactions such as in business, where people assessing them may often have power / more leverage than they do over what might happen, and whether they seem "normal" enough is somewhat beside the point (see also: their being nonbinary). if they Were just trying to act "right" and Normally(tm), they'd actually be able to expend Less effort and behave in a less filtered way that comes more naturally to them, so the way we usually see them acting is neither what comes naturally to them nor really just the same as an autistic person masking to protect themself / avoid negative reactions from other people that could cause problems for them.

then there's also point that, while the way taylor communicates via facial expressions might be more reined in than is considered usual (although as stated, they aren't completely suppressing all facial expressions and aren't trying to / are still deliberately using this route of communication), they're sure focusing on communicating with people verbally, rather than nonverbally (thinking as well how asia specifies that they tend to use their hands a lot when talking, vs. how what's most Default for taylor is to keep their hands clasped (or by their sides, or arms folded...) and rarely gesticulate / otherwise use physical motion as communication, and when they do, it's probably a very conscious, deliberate choice) and they generally have a fair amount to say and also speak very deliberately and at any given point people generally don't misunderstand them based on Whatever They've Just Said. they're not trying to be inscrutable or cultivate a mystique through what they say (although of course sometimes they don't want to give an Informative Response & might want to talk around something or not say anything) and people tend not to misunderstand them if they're taking taylor seriously enough to listen in the first place, they know what they want to communicate and they stick to their points and are trying to be immediately clear with what they mean. it's kind of back to the point of people not knowing what to do with them, and how it's immediately clear that taylor doesn't fit in and might not speak the same language as it were or operate on the same rules, i.e. the machismo of axe cap, not necessarily because they couldn't but because it's clear they're not at all trying to, and people don't really know what to expect instead and, as a young intern, wouldn't have to see them as competition or take them seriously until suddenly axe was. and as a point of comparision, when winston was introduced as quant kid 2, it was pretty clear he Was trying to speak the language & play by the rules (even if by going "i'm not playing by the rules" to do so lol) and was pretty quickly judged to be failing to do so by those standards. he may also not fit in, he's not really out here trying to perform the axe cap machismo or anything (especially since, you know, he works for taylor / tmc and in 3x09 wasn't trying to take that same approach they were Unimpressed with and rather focusing on what he has to offer in terms of his skill) but people aren't really thrown off in the same way as they are with taylor, who they don't know how to assess within their usual frameworks, while people can & do assess winston within those frameworks and decide he's failing by those metrics. like, obviously not this 1:1 Same Context situation, but there's the juxtaposition of mafee kind of struggling to figure out how to treat taylor in a way that they would find appealing (or even tolerable) enough on their own terms, b/c he knows that he doesn't know what those terms are and what set of rules and norms they operate in, whereas when he and winston are first seen Being Coworkers there's no sense mafee thinks that the reason the way winston acts seems weird / unfamiliar to him is that he thinks it's any shortcoming on his part / he similarly knows he doesn't know how winston operates but could figure it out (which, of course, he doesn't really have incentive to in the same way as when taylor was an intern that axe wanted to keep around) and while he might be kind of generally amicable as his Own rule of operation and sure tolerates winston to an extent and might be accepting like "okay, this guy's smart at math which is why taylor wants him around," beyond that the vibes are just like "ugh, This guy," like, that he has some sense of how he thinks winston Should be acting, which he knew he didn't really have for taylor originally, and the impatience / disdain for winston for being perceived to be failing to, or refusing to, act that way

not that taylor is never misinterpreted or misunderstood or that they never have communication problems, since nt people sure can have miscommunications Amongst Themselves, or that even once people do somewhat have more of a sense of how taylor operates they necessarily respect this, or Don't dig at them like "lol taylor's autistic" but it's back to the earlier point of like, You Know A Character's Not Autistic When: these billions viewers are theorizing that they are. same with characters presumably going "well, they still act in that Weird / Unfamiliar way i don't Get or Like, and that's what being autistic is"....vs like lmao points for winston being autistic because nobody in that audience thinks he is and just throws the kitchen sink of disdain of "this guy sucks" reasoning at him. and same for characters, who see that he's just some guy, and that unlike taylor, he's relatively fairly unfiltered and very expressive, but shockingly that doesn't make him "normal" & "likable" as some instantly charming guy who puts everyone at ease right off like, in contrast with taylor or whatever. yet at the same time, because it is not clear to people that he's operating by some different set of rules they don't yet know / understand, and he seems to be just some guy like any other guy around these funds, he's just cringe and fail and the fact that when he talks people get caught up in the delivery and react to his attempts to just share information or have a social connection just with disapproval for his social style, which is interpreted as a failure to have this Other social style ("normal," allistic...) the way everyone else does, cmon winston....and winston sometimes misunderstands other people, not really getting their Point immediately or quite getting what they really Overall mean by saying whatever they've said, which is how people misunderstand him too, but when others have misunderstood him, it's the mild to moderate Disdain for him, vs when he's misunderstood others, and this is regarded as a failure on his part, too, double empathy problem style.

going kind of long there but i think My overall point is that like, people might regard them both as being Weird, but they think that winston should be expected to act Normally & have a certain framework they can apply to him for it, he's just some guy like all these other some guys who are acting cool & epic & totally Correctly, so he should play by those rules & act that way too, but instead he makes himself Vulnerable according to those rules (communicating for the sake of communication rather than trying to pwn someone, not being A Tough Guy, daring to all but demand people's attention Ever rather than politely allow himself to be ignored, daring to talk but be a little off topic and oh my god now he's also daring to Expect A Positive Response from people, get his ass) and clearly is not acting that same way / "failing" to act that right way. (thinking about how we Know winston & very similar to ben kim re: this whole concept.....) while the same rules do not apply so easily to taylor and people know it, and even if they might resent the fact that taylor doesn't fit into their framework or have to act like them and compete via their rules to win, they don't think taylor's "failing" to act like dollar bill or something, it's pretty clear that taylor would never try to go that route. in fact, maybe that's part of the motivation for people insisting taylor has no emotions lmao, because if there's no element of choice in how they behave and this is not only what's always come completely naturally for them but also their only option, people can go like, oh they Could Never act like axe or bill or wags or whoever even if they tried, rather than having to acknowledge that taylor's very much not interested in that.

and again it's like, i'm not gonna argue taylor Can't be autistic by anyone's interpretation, if they're actually doing the least decent interpretation (not all billions viewers setting a very high bar there) and like, they can sure have moments like the "i'm scary? [...] i thought i was being inviting" thing where the way they were Trying to come across completely didn't land, people had an entirely unintended interpretation, and they didn't realize until others told them, which is like, Just Relatable Things lol. although then cue all the tmc quants being implied to be unfriendly or standoffish or whatever lmao from using the kitchen & talking to each other lol, and the whole aspect like, uh yeah if you're being godawful to these people they probably Are gonna stand off from you lmao. but it's back as well to what we've always known around here and how like, winston and taylor are similar, parallel, complementary, etc, you name it, because winston operates by his own rules, too, but people generally aren't realizing this (or interested in considering it) and taylor is someone who knows this experience well, like, in s2 they might've been in a place where they made it clear from the start like, this is who i am, this is how i operate, where if axe hadn't been willing to deal with that then they could've just left and gone to grad school, but taylor also has to have plenty of experience being perceived according to a certain framework of Being Cis and "failing" to play by those rules, through how other people reacted to them, and/or because taylor could internally sense that something was Wrong(tm) here somehow.......how could they relate to winston, who's Supposed to operate happily, easily, naturally, & successfully according to this totally objective "normal" but apparently can't or won't & that really bothers people.......how could they be willing to extend some understanding to him and allow him to operate the way he does and even put conscious effort into deliberately communicating more effectively with him in particular based on what they think will actually work for him, while he in turn is making his own conscious effort to pay attention and communicate better with and understand them as well..........sure thinking of how much was illustrated in the 4x08 moment where winston speaks up to be Right about taylor but oops everyone interprets it as too blunt/rude or what have you, and then everyone looks over with varying ways of conveying disapproval, Seemingly Including taylor, but actually they've just looked over, & after winston has taken that apparent cue & apologized, taylor clarifies that No, He's Right in a very nonbegrudging way

and also in all this there's the difference that like, you can act however you want if you have the power to Be In Charge and act how you want (tbt to taylor being in charge at axe cap but they still had to alter how they behaved and make the Proper Media References for these nerds, because they aren't ever about to assert authority by yelling at everyone about being their sun god and shut tf up and get out.....even in their Parallel Scenes with that instance of axe acting up, taylor of course doesn't actually yell at winston that they're ceo so he should shut tf up and get out, sure mafee does it for them but they listened to winston anyways. even though surely his Weird Wrong Style of delivering his points means he's wrong and not worth listening to!!! surely!!! too many french words, winston!!) anyways, my point i guess is that obviously if winston wanted to be so damn Weird, and create these vulnerabilities by not following the rules, or asking for / wanting a positive response from people, or being relatively forthcoming and earnest about his thoughts & feelings, and also being kind of again relatively easily riled, and then have a bunch of elevated idiosyncracies in how he expresses all this kind of stuff, he clearly doesn't have the power or leverage (or ability to out-aggression anyone on the machismo battleground) to back all this up, even though he Must be asking for it if he keeps insisting on not just acting Right & Normal, so this is all Arrogant and Out Of Line so that's extra reason to resent him and push back hard just about anytime he says anything at all. being sarcastic again

unfortunately i hadn't thought ahead about a solid conclusion and am not great at thesis statements but yeah, to wrap it up, of course it's not about like "ohh autistic people can't make eye contact so taylor can't be autistic, neither can winston or anyone else b/c we'd just have to find the character who can never look anyone in the eyes" or any other list of traits really like, well i don't consider taylor autistic b/c they Don't do this or Do this other thing, it's about the more general dynamics and patterns around here. the fact that the way that taylor acts which people think is evidence they're Autistic is a way they've conscious learned how to act to protect themself / present themself a certain way to other people; that when they have moments of being more vulnerable, their more natural way of expressing themself is more "normal"; that when they're purposely being somewhat more outwardly Open / behaving with less it's the same, and they're not really being misinterpreted or seeming More unusual / confusing to people for it, but rather the opposite; that we're not really seeing all that much of them trying to express themself to someone and people misunderstanding even the purpose of why they're talking at all, like we do with winston left and right really, where his Style overwhelms his Substance in other people's regard and they're not so much responding to what he says rather than (incorrectly interpreting) how he says it; and that while taylor may not act "normal" from the perspective of many characters and viewers, it's like lmfao what are you doing if you're regarding their foil, axe, as Normal, and people are successful enough at effectively communicating with taylor if those people are willing to accept that taylor acts differently according to their rules rather than just refusing to have a constructive interaction on principle or whatever, we don't really see them frequently being misunderstood even if people are listening and trying to understand and having to clarify, while this is like, a nigh constant problem with winston (although taylor is also constantly willing to listen to him, and, if need be, cue that something hasn't landed as intended / cue for him to take a different approach); their material isn't like, oh none of this is at all recognizable / relevant / similar to any autistic experience, but to me it feels more like they're having a more parallel time to say, winston, and they're someone who realizes there's no point in insisting there's some single Right Way for people to behave as their natural presentation or social style or whatever, and furthermore they realize that holding everyone to that is counterproductive, and they're not trying to make their employees put on any acts to be listened to even if they ever had to at axe cap, they're trying to let people communicate effectively and do what's actually relevant to their jobs and not all be giving each other shit all the time, and they're not just going "well, actually, acting just like axe isn't The Right Way to be, but acting like me is. or like any other given person" and even if winston does not immediately endear himself to them, they can focus on the fact they're here for his talent and not his personality & They'd Be Willing To Give Him A Second Chance, and then even though they don't "have" to they consistently listen to him, focus on what he actually means when he says something, don't punish him just because he said it "weirdly" or whatever else wasn't Winning enough and only winners are allowed to talk without someone calling them a loser, even listens when he criticizes them in a way everyone hates b/c uh he's just an indignant nerd and you should only do this if you're trying to epicly take someone on & supplant them (as mafee points out with the "don't complain if you're not gonna become a ceo yourself" unprompted angle...), they're not asking him to change his personality or his social style or anything else and they're not putting it on him if there's even the potential for someone to misunderstand him (how could there not be) whereas other people may not be outright telling/asking him to just be normal or whatever, but when they essentially punish him every time he draws attention to himself (for example: speaks) and isn't acting the Right, Normal way, that's kind of the idea

the supposed thesis statement becomes its own mini essay as usual lol. still no real conclusion, but yeah, additionally i can cite "simply the vibes" for why i interpret winston as autistic but not taylor (source: dude trust me, also that i'm especially an expert compared to the rando billions viewers / interviewers who go "so taylor's pretty autismal, huh") but it's like, we see other people's perception of and reaction to and resulting treatment of them being a problem for them all the time, of course, but them being autistic doesn't seem to be an element that's factoring into that, i.e. i don't think they're autistic. taylor's someone who maybe seems wrong or out of place to these other characters "on paper" as it were, and then who, sure, Also looks and acts in a way they find unusual, but the way they behave that seems so unusual to people is of course pretty centered on them being so relatively impassive, which is still kind of this One Thing, and which is a performance they've chosen to engage, and is more of an outer veneer as their own reaction to experiences rather than like, yes this truly permeates their being, they really don't feel anything at all and this is their Whole thing, and they couldn't possibly choose to act in a way that seems more Normal, and also this is weird and wrong and i don't like it so uh, you know, that = they're autistic imo. whereas winston, who maybe "on paper" ought to just be some Normal Guy(tm), does also put effort into how he interacts with others, he does have his own defense mechanisms too of course, but what people think is "wrong" about him and how he acts can hardly be narrowed down like "oh winston has no emotions!! like a weirdo!" and it Is a more overall, holistic, inextricable element of who he is, and despite wanting & trying to get along with people (yeah he's not always just completely falling over himself and off a cliff to do this, but why should he be) he hasn't just been able to become beloved and/or seem like a cool winner to everyone, and if he were to drop efforts to appeal to people, he doesn't become More Normal for it or whatever....and that of course people just regard him like "yep, that's the guy who sucks" without any one particular reason behind it (and not questioning their own behavior in that regard b/c of course it's just The Normal Response to someone insisting on being so abnormal / failing to be normal) and it's like.....so it goes with nt people re: autistic people lol

well again no solid conclusion there lmao but i'll go "smh hope i'm not managing to completely overlook some point i wanted to touch on, or that despite the other night where i came back to one already pretty long post three times with a 'wait also' addition, i hope i don't think of way better ways to make any of these points or some really relevant example i'd forgotten or anything" lmao

again thanks for asking a fun Specific Question, love the like implicit collaborative nature of it as well lol b/c yeah i'd also love your insight on this Taylor Mason Matter as well as anything else about them

Digimon Kizuna thoughts

All spoilers will be under the cut!

Fresh off of Tri when Kizuna was announced, I wrote up some hopes I had for this movie. Without looking back at that list, I'm pretty sure this movie managed to not hit any of the things I wanted off of that list - but I'm still walking away completely satisfied. The characters, the story, the setting all feel like completely natural progression from how I remember them, it manages to tell a compelling story in a fairly short movie, the animation and designs are drop dead gorgeous. It's clearly a labor or love and I'm thankful for everyone who worked on it. In some ways it leaves me wanting more - I'd love one more entry with the 02 group as a focus, and I think there would be a lot of value in an entry that focuses more on Digimon intigrated with the human world rather than yet another story about kids discovering Digimon. But if this is the last time we see these twelve in this form, what a way to go. 

This is absolutely stream of consciousness writing while I’m on my second watch through of the day (In lieu of livetweeting - I’ll spare my followers that much lol). Is it rambling? Absolutely. It may or may not be of interest, but I thought it would be something fun to do regardless. If you decide to read, I hope you enjoy!

----

Tom Fahn’s Agumon is noticeably a bit lower pitched even compared to Tri, weather he can’t take his voice up as much or if it’s a different portrayal I’m not sure but it still fits him really well - Tentomon’s voice feel slightly different too. Funny enough Gabumon is somehow lighter and more childish than his original portrayal, but it also fits him well.

Both Tri and Kizuna have such a weird process to their casting - They got back actors that as far as I can tell haven’t done much if anything since their days on Digimon, they’ve gotten back actors for side characters with bit parts. They’ve hired new actors that seem to take the original voice into account and take their own spin on them, and then they hire actors with absolutely no regard for how the original sounded to the point that it just plain conflicts with the established character. It’s all over the place and it’s weird.

Johnny Yong Bosch's portrayal seems slightly different from Tri, maybe he's playing him slightly older, maybe it's the slightly different personality, maybe I'm imagining it. Something about it reminds me of Doug Erholtz's portrayal, which is an added bonus when JYB was already one of the best of the recasts. Minutes in and I'm completely sold on Nicholas Roye's Matt as well, it sounds like a natural progression from his Adventure voice.

In a vacuum Griffin Burns is a decent Davis, but he's one of the recasts that immersion breaking because not only does he sound nothing like Brian Donovan, but his take on Davis is higher pitch than Donovan's so it's impossible to hear him as older. The fact that Donovan was supposed to reprise his role is just salt on the wound. With the insane amount of delays that this dub got, they surely could have brought him back onboard... It's a  shame that 2 our of 3 roles I've heard of Burns have been a replacement of another actor, hope he can get more roles where he can shine more. On the other hand, Bryce Papenbrook as Cody is brilliant casting coming from his 02 voice for what little we get to hear of him.

Yolei didn't sound to great in her video message, but by the time we see her in person her VA has gotten into the role and captures her really well. Hawkmon sounds fine enough, but I'm way more upset than I should be about Armadillomon's voice considering he doesn't have many lines. A recast was mandatory here, and 'medium-deep southern accent' should honestly be pretty easy to replicate but what we got was horrific. What casting director knew enough about the characters to know that Hawkmon had a British accent but not enough to know what an armadillo sounds like??

Mimi is just straight up Sakura now! I actually thought Kate Higgens would have made a great Yolei, kinda funny to see her here as Mimi now.

Not only did Agumon's "Polly want a cracker?" line slay me, but there's something about Tom Fahn's portrayal that really hits me, even though he's not even my favorite Digimon. It hasn't even been a long time since I've heard it - Tri wasn't that long ago, and I just rewatched Adventure/02 within the past few weeks, but hearing him made me a bit emotional, ha. Same thing happened with his first appearance in Tri, and that was after having seen it in Japanese and knowing what was going to happen!

The opening battle is like a complete screw-you to Tai's arc in Tri with Greymon smashing into buildings and Tai completely unfazed. I'm here for it, lol.

The remastered Digivolution sequences are nice but in true nostalgia fashion I kinda prefer the originals, haha.

Izzy's computer is counting down a 'time rimit'.

Agumon says something to the effect of “Aren’t I always hungry?“ and I don't feel like it’s a reference/jab at Tri, but it got a chuckle out of me anyway.

Tai's classmate is blatantly voiced by JYB too, ha.

Matt gives his location as 'inside the restaurant' when calling an ambulance which seems... not helpful. Love that Tai's reaction to a girl collapsing is a confused "Is she drunk?"

An article on Tai's phone is written in perfect English and he gets message from the name Izzy specifically so I'd assume this is a change for the US release. Subtitles would have been perfectly fine but it's a nice effort to keep immersion.

"The ol' Izz-master" I’m so, so glad they got Jeff Nimoy to write this script, bless Toei.

Only 4 of the Digidestined participating in the battle against the Digidestined is kinda disappointing until I realized that it was a throwback to Our War Game - TK and Izzy get to participate more this time around! As per usual Tentomon (Kabuterimon) manages to sneak in a hilarious line here.

'Lime Magazine' just doesn't have the same ring to it...

TAI'S MAGAZINES...

Tai calling Agumon 'little buddy' is the second scene to hit me right in the feels.

Matt is the only one to reach out to the 02 kids during the movie, I wonder if he felt guilty about what went down in Tri and kept in touch with them a bit more since.

Seeing Kari and TK tied up in a dark room like that is actually one of the more shocking scenes in the movie. That could have ended very differently if this was a different movie...

Meiko shows up for literally one scene with Meicoomon which has... interesting implications. This movie retroactively makes her more tragic as well, as even if she didn't sacrifice Meicoomon there's a chance their partnership would have dissolved anyway - almost a complete lose-lose, there was no way for them to be happy together.

Himekawa is also retroactively more tragic as it's possible she would have been able to see Tapirmon again here - one shows up in the crowd shot!

Honestly this is the movie Himekawa deserved - she was a really interesting character that got wasted and underused in Tri, and while Menoa parallels her in a lot of ways her stoicism just isn't as interesting and Hime's decent into madness was.

L'il Joe has black hair now?

I'm pretty sure Menoa doesn't say "Oh shit" but honestly I'm gonna pretend she does.

I mentioned on Twitter how Leomon doesn't die in this one because he never showed up, but there's one fighting an Eosmon in what I think is Osaka and he doesn't die, and GOOD ON HIM, HE BROKE THE CYCLE!

Omnimon having limbs sliced off got an audible gasp from me.

Matt ACTUALLY got to curse in this movie, character development!!

"Just one thing: Meow" I had to pause the movie, I lost it

Story wise, theme wise, character wise I get it, but mad Sora got screwed over in this movie. Would have been nice if 'To Sora' was included inside of the movie at least.

I still don't like Agu and Gabu's new evolutions, but they did feel really earned and a natural extension of the plot. What better way to spark an evolution than such a huge sacrifice? Izzy's perfectly timed 'prodigious' was the icing on the cake, coming at such a fitting emotional moment and possibly being the last time we'll hear it from Izzy.

When the Eosmon start disappearing all over the world there's a shot of an exhausted lone Numemon who had clearly held off the Eosmon with all the poop that is strewn about. THAT is the next story I want to see.

Unfortunately this movie is in the Tri School of Only Using Champion Level. It's actually pretty inexcusable that we we don't see WarGreymon and MetalGarurumon one more time, but even the other characters should have gone up to Ultimate if not Mega for one final sendoff. I wish we could have seen them truely fight as a team once more, even just for fanservice.

My strongest complaint with the movie itself is that it just kinda... ends. The ending is super emotional, but it just skips ahead afterwards and says 'things are going to be ok!' and ends. I would have liked to see the rest of the kids once more, seeing how they handle the fallout or how they might support Tai and Matt - or maybe a little about what Tai and Matt have taken away from this whole things. Just felt like we needed an extra couple of minutes.

Will we see these particular versions of these characters again? From what I can tell this movie did well in Japan and it’s trending pretty well on Amazon, so who knows. I hope if we do, it’s because the writers come up with an idea they really believe in and not just for the sake of a sequel. But if not, I’m definately greatful for what we have.

The Chronicles of the Dark One: Breaking the Curse

Chapter 29: All Things Considered

Perhaps this was a fitting ending to the evening. Waiting by a squad car, the woods and his cabin bathed in blue and red lights, light rain drizzling down the back of his neck making him shiver…

An ambulance pulled up behind the Game of Thrones Truck, and a couple of paramedics, complete with a gurney, entered his property. He mentally reviewed what had happened in the last thirty minutes to lead him to this dismal place. Emma had found him, alone save for Moe French, who was a bloody pulp by the time she'd gotten there. She'd managed to pry him away and send him to the other side of the room where he'd cooled down, and she'd inspected him.

"I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and assume this is Moe French," she'd sighed before pulling out her phone.

"No one steals from me," he responded as Moe lay there, his head rolling back and forth, fading in and out of consciousness. Emma ordered an ambulance, told them where to find them all, and tried to help Moe by waking him up and keeping him awake by trying to get him to speak. But nothing had ever come from Moe's mouth. Not that he was surprised. Once a coward, always a coward. He should know. The problem was that Emma was smart, he didn't know what she'd seen exactly, but he knew that she'd seen enough not to believe for a second the story that he gave her.

"Moe called me, told me he wanted to exchange the other missing goods for his truck and a five-year extension on his loan. I suggested my cabin, and we were just discussing it when he tripped and fell. Isn't that right, Mr. French?"

No response, not that he'd needed it. Emma had seen him take a swing at him with his cane. She knew it was a lie, just as he did. The only thing was that if he were smart, he'd forget it was a lie and go along with it. Two against one was all it would take to gain his freedom, and when that one person was Emma, already disgraced and distrusted after her little stunt at the Council Meeting, well…she wouldn't be a problem.

It wasn't long after that she'd excused him to go and wait by the car. He could have left. He could have taken Moe's truck and gone back to town, but he didn't see the point. There was nowhere he could run. So he'd done as she instructed. He'd had time to think and to decide that this was probably a better ending than he could have hoped for. He'd imagined a lot about this situation, but looking at it now, he knew that he had acted in haste. He'd only been able to see the moment that he got that chipped cup back. Everything else beyond that he hadn't planned for. That was stupid on his part. Not thinking a plan all the way through to the end was a mistake an amateur might make. He had to be careful not to behave that way again, no matter what the concern was.

The concern…all this and still no teacup. All this and still no confirmation of who had told Moe French to take it. Really, what good had tonight been?

"So, I heard you managed not to break anything he needs," he glanced up to find Emma Swan approaching him as Moe was loaded into the back of the ambulance. Done already…how time could fly… "You're lucky, Mr. Gold."

He let out a snort of derision. He knew what was coming. Of course, he knew that nothing would hold up, and he'd be free again this time tomorrow, but until Moe French was stable and awake, he still knew what was coming. And without Belle's chipped cup to show for it…he wouldn't call any of this lucky.

"You got a funny definition of lucky."

"You have a funny definition of justice," Emma commented, crossing her arms over her chest and eyeing him with suspicion. "What did he really do?"

She wasn't ready for that answer yet. As much as he wanted her to be, he knew it was true. It was another comment to be added to the "someday" category, and until then…

"He stole," he explained away, the exact same explanation he'd offered before. Consistency was everything.

But the Savior balked at his response. "That reaction was about more than taking a few trinkets. You said something about how he hurt 'her,' what happened to 'her'…" he shifted his weight uncomfortably. He could hardly remember what he'd said to the worm, much less keep track of what she had or had not heard. "Who was that? What did he do? If someone needs help, maybe I can help."

Always the Savior and yet…so far from the real thing. "No. I'm sorry, Sheriff. I think you heard that wrong," he scoffed, looking into the distant blackness. Someday…

"You really don't want to cooperate?" she questioned with a mix of irritation and amazement.

No…he really didn't…because until he found a way to start winning again and turn her into the Savior she was, then she would never really understand what had happened. Then again, even if she knew, he doubted anyone would ever understand. Who could ever learn to love a beast like him? No one. Not anymore.

"Look, we're done here."

He'd tried. He'd tried to walk off and go to the front seat of the car, to play it off and escape what he'd known was coming, but he wasn't surprised when Emma stopped him. She was a better Sheriff than Regina gave her credit for. There was never any chance she'd let this go.

"Actually, we're not. You're under arrest…"

He stared at her as she finished reading his rights, trying to convey irritation and intimidation all at once, but he knew she was too strong-willed to care, and frankly, he didn't care that she was. He'd be free soon enough, that much he knew-

His heart stopped as she patted him down, and she reached into his pocket and pulled away his phone. She flipped it open, and he tried to maintain his calm demeanor all the while the lawyer inside of him was working away. Dove…the vibration…he had called, hadn't he? He hadn't tried to send him messages, anything that would implicate him. And the messages about Swan's movements over the last few months, he'd deleted every single one of them…hadn't he?

Emma's gaze slid to his own. "Who is Dove?"

He wanted so badly to swallow his nerves down, but he knew swallowing would show his anxiety. He didn't know what she was looking at now, but he wanted to convey innocence, or at the very least, control.

"An associate."

Emma raised her eyebrows and pushed a button. "Looks like he's been trying to reach you."

"I've no doubt he has." In fact, Dove had probably been trying to warn him that Emma was on his property. He wished he'd taken that call.

"Oh…" Emma suddenly piqued, turning the phone for him to look at the screen. He could hear the thing vibrating, and he didn't need to see it to know Dove was calling again. "Looks like he's trying to reach you now."

"Well…given the situation, I do believe I get one phone call," he smiled, motioning to his cuffs.

Emma smirked. "Make it quick," she explained, handing him the phone. He took it, but as the ambulance drove away, he noted that she didn't make any effort to leave him.

"Some privacy? Or must I explain the law to you?"

"Oh no, you don't, you're in my custody, and unless he's your lawyer and you can provide credentials to prove that, you have no reasonable expectation of privacy."

Smart woman. "Glad to see I made the right choice in Sheriff," he sneered before answering.

"Sir, I tried to tell you, I tried to warn you-"

"Don't speak," he stated, interrupting Dove so that she wouldn't hear anything more than he wanted to. His statements made it clear that obviously he was watching from somewhere nearby, dutifully looking after Emma after he'd taken Moe. Hell, he'd probably seen Emma take the phone from him and decided to call right then, thinking it was his best chance to reach him. But Emma wasn't his biggest concern now. He had only one message for his accomplice and only one chance to convey that message. There was no room for anything else. "I appear to be in a predicament, Mr. Dove. You know what to do."

"Yes, Sir."

"Once it's done, don't contact me until I contact you."

"Understood, Sir." He closed the phone and handed it back to her, but not before purposefully shutting it off.

"Quick conversation...and coded. How convenient," she explained as she pocketed it and helped him into the back.

"I'm a man of few words."

"Yeah…I'm coming to find that," she muttered before she shut the door, and they began a drive away from the cabin, following the ambulance back to the police station for what he was sure was going to be a long night. But as he glanced at Moe in the back of the ambulance, on oxygen, bleeding, and red with bruises that matched the shape of his cane's handle, he managed a smirk.

For Belle…it was worth it.

Long Rambling Trigun Meta Discussion 2

I *hate* the reply function in Tumblr. As far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t function. It doesn’t even open up a findable page so I can respond, and I can’t directly answer the reply. That’s why I reblog.

So, here’s the next best thing:

tiggymalvern

I don't recall anything like that fic you mention from either canon. It's a lovely idea, if only I could imagine Vash and Knives stopping arguing with each other for long enough to do it.

This fic I’m remembering was surprisingly hard to find, and now I’m wondering if it’s from FF.net rather than AO3. Will share once I find it!

The twins argue while doing it, IIRC, and have very different approaches. Luckily for the humans, in this fic the engineer likes the plant and takes care of it well, given how little is actually known about how to do so post-crash. Even so, Knives almost kills the engineer, but Vash stops him and leaves behind a little journal full of advice and encouragement. 

IMO, I feel like this is something Vash would be motivated to do more than Knives:

-- to repair his relationship with Knives

-- because he feels responsible for the people Rem saved

-- because he wants the bulb plants to be safe and happy

(listed in the order I thought of them)

But Knives would see this as slight progress towards Vash seeing things his way, so he’d go with it. What do you think?

tiggymalvern

I've never been entirely clear on the manga ending myself, and I think Nightow left it somewhat ambiguous deliberately. Vash and Knives are fighting, and then the earth forces attack them both, Livia intevenes and Vash and Knives fly off and

six months later we find Vash in hiding with the people who saved him, because Knives convinced them to, and then Knives plants an apple tree to help feed the peopl looking after Vash, and then he vanishes...

I assume he chose not to stay with humans and just went off somewhere, but it's left open

Interesting! Yeah, I got the sense it was supposed to be deliberately ambiguous, too. 

Many people say that Knives died giving his last energy to save Vash, to the point where I thought that was canon. 

No matter what happened with Knives and the tree, I have questions. If Knives planted the tree before dying or disappearing or whatever, I’d want to know where he got the apple seeds, and if providing the energy to make that tree survive on Gunsmoke killed him. If he turned into a tree (which I thought was the canon, but maybe not?), how? I can see why you didn’t interpret Knives as turning into a tree.

All I know for sure is, if Knives were dying, he’d want to do it on his own terms. Ideally in a way that would express his point and make an impression on Vash. I was going to say that creating a tree doesn’t seem like Knives’ style, but then I thought about the apple tree scenes in the anime. However that tree came to be, Vash would most likely associate it with happier times on the ship. Maybe he’d be fucked up enough to see it as a gesture of love. 

Maybe it was the closest thing to a gesture of love someone as manipulative and self-absorbed as Knives could manage...

tiggymalvern  Knives really is a person with no middle ground. When he believed Rem's teachings, he believed them wholeheartedly, that everything would turn out fine and people just needed to be given a chance. When he rejected those teachings and decided it was all just rubbish, he went maximum speed to the other extreme. Reject ALL humans, not just the individuals who had proven that they suck. And reject as in eradicate, not just avoid... 

I love Knives’ all-or-nothing way of being. Maybe because I know and love so many people with a little streak of that. And it’s so believable. Reminds me of a quote I read somewhere about how a misanthrope is a disillusioned idealist.

Knives thinks in utilitarian terms (”the greatest good for the greatest number with the least possible sacrifice”) as a kid for the few short scenes before he turns evil. He also seems to think in terms of groups rather than individuals (”humans,” “spiders,” “butterflies”). It saves him the grief Vash goes through at coming to know and lose so many people, but it also helps him justify a racist ideology. I love that about him, actually. If I were to write a Knives redemption fic, a key arc would be helping him learn to see others as individuals. I have a few paragraphs of something like that written...

Kids definitely need wonder and to see the beauty in the world, but it's also a good idea to mention the possibility of weird strangers offering candy that are best avoided. For these bizarre new non-human children, those warnings would have been extra pertinent, and maybe would have reduced the shock of what came after. Knives is definitely more mature than Vash in those flashbacks. Like you say, he wants to discuss issues with Vash, and Vash just parrots Rem. 

Agree.

I have a theory. Earth, in Trigunverse, seems a lot like our world, only worse.

I’ve seen a lot of people’s sense of wonder, beauty, fun, and curiosity squished. I was the weirdo in preschool, among other four year olds, for being too much like that. Maybe on Trigun Earth, a bleak place to begin with, that’s the norm. (And destroying people’s wonder/curiosity/etc. leads to depression and the ennui of modern life, but that’s another essay).

Some people, like those who run Waldorf schools, overreact by going to the opposite extreme. The worst, most ideologically rigid ones, deliberately wait to teach kids to read so they can explore the world unmediated by words a little longer. (And will even discourage kids who learn to read early, grr). Waldorf philosophy assumes young kids are basically sensing, feeling, and imagining beings, rather than thinking ones. 

I get the sense that Rem is one of these sorts. She was squashed and made to feel worthless for the way she saw the world. Maybe that’s part of the reason she was so depressed and needed Alex’s help. She’s raising the twins the way she wished she had been raised.

That sort of parenting wasn’t appropriate for a plant, of course. But no one had raised independent plants to adulthood before. No one knew what was appropriate. No one knew how to teach them about danger (or how not to). 

Growing up as a neurodivergent person in the Dark Ages, the only kid with allergies and sensory processing problems, etc., I understand all too well how badly things can go when even the most loving parents just don’t know what to do, and can’t find helpful information anywhere. Where helpful information isn’t just hard to find, but it doesn’t exist yet. 

So as critical as I’m being of Rem, I sympathize with her. She really didn’t have much to go on but her own knowledge and experience, and she bravely did the best she could.

Vash isn't thinking for himself yet, but he's a kid, so that's allowable. It does make it harder for Knives, though, who feels he has to be responsible for them both. 

You know, Knives does feel responsible for them both, and I hadn’t thought much about it and about the implications of that. No wonder he was so frustrated and furious. There’s definitely a sense of “something is deeply unfair and wrong” for a child trying to raise not only themselves, but their younger sibling(s).  Perhaps that’s part of the reason I saw Knives as caring about Vash, in his toxic, screwed up way. 

Plant biology is MASSIVELY confusing, and the more you try to piece it together, the more your head hurts LOL. But I think that's almost the point? ...Leaving the readers struggling to figure out the plants is the human perspective.

What do you think about the anime being so much from a human pov, especially considering that the most important characters in it are not?

Wolfwood is the support Vash needs to learn to control his plant powers among other things, the powers that have terrified Vash for so long that he ignored them. But Wolfwood isn't scared of them - or rather, he is, but not scared enough to abandon Vash because of them. He knows all about Vash, he knows all about July and the hole in the moon, he's seen Vash transform into some weird crazy thing with feathers, and Wolfwood still stays. Wolfwood lets Vash know that Vash's mistakes can be forgiven, and Vash is still a worthwhile person despite them. And because Wolfwood believes it, Vash can start to believe it. 

Between how well you put this and the dynamic itself, I’m...blown away and don’t know what to say. 

– “Vash, take care of Knives.” This breaks my heart because so far … he hasn’t. First he follows Knives around. Then abandons him. Then attacks him. I really do think Vash was trying. He followed Knives around for so long while being so angry with him for what he'd done, and yes, part of that was because he didn't want to be alone himself, but part of it was him trying to follow Rem's advice. 

Yeah, true, he did try at first. I undervalued it because by the time the series starts, that was far into the past and Vash probably doesn’t even remember it, but still.

In the manga, Rem specifically says, 'Vash, don't leave Knives alone,' because I think she recognises that Knives is prone to extremes and needs a balance. 

See, that instruction makes so much more sense. And I think the plants would have agreed. (Well, of course they would. They’re a collective consciousness, after all).

Rem probably also knew it’s bad for anyone’s health or sanity to be alone, and an emotionally unstable twin plant even more so. Knives would be in a solitary confinement of his own making.

Vash tried and tried to get Knives to change; he spent so much effort trying to explain why genocide wasn't the answer. But Vash failed, and eventually he recognised that he was always going to fail. So he left Knives, because he needed a life that wasn't that failure. He needed to do something to compensate for Knives. He took upon himself the responsibility of not only protecting the humans from Knives, but protecting the humans from the worst in themselves, which Knives' actions brought to the surface. And that is one hell of a lot to take on, and not a recipe for a happy life.

Yeah, that’s...a heroic life, but not a happy one. In a way, it seems almost as doomed as trying to change Knives. 

Babysitting Butcher Chapter 32

Life as a human guinea pig is a strange thing. First of all, there's the questions. The same questions over and over, to the point where the machines and medical doodads and the noise that became almost normal for me, but the questions became the irritant of the day.

"How are you feeling today, Dr. Taylor?" As I'd squint into the bright light being forced into my marrow it seemed. A muttered reply from me, and honestly the same answer in varying degrees of annoyance or acceptance depending upon the day and how many times I'd been asked it so far. "Uh huh, and are you feeling warm? Is there tenderness in your abdomen?" While they poked and prodded, testing skin, muscle, bone and eventually blood.

Did you know the average human adult has around 1.2-1.5 gallons of blood which equals roughly 10 units? I know this because I wanted to be certain that I'd have enough after all the blood testing. Research would either be the way I kept sane or what finally pushed me over the ledge into complete madness, mark my words.

Billy visited, as often as he could, and every single time he'd greet the head poker in residence with his own version of the repeated question game. "How is she? What's the bloody progress?" At which I would inevitably check the arm that seemed to be their favorite vessel for bloodletting. "How much longer?" And then he'd meet my gaze and focus his attention on ME, rather than on my medical condition.

Yes, I was calling it a condition. If I let the reality of my situation fully grip me, then I'd scream. And I had moments of it, trust me.

How would you feel if every single time the man you loved walked in and spoke about your person as though you were a petri dish experiment before reminding himself, through sheer force of finally SEEING you, that you were in fact the woman he loved?

Now take that feeling you just got from that scenario and add the annoyingly taunting voice of the caped asshole who caused this whole fucking irritating bullshit situation reminding you that you fell in love with a man for whom hatred of supes is as natural as inhaling. Feeling just a hint of discomfort? Just add the sound of beeping, buzzing, and dripping to remind yourself of the fact that this was all happening while I was being held hostage as a "let's see what happens if we try this mixture to counteract the demon juice flowing through her veins" was tried over and over.

Strained. My nerves, body, and brain felt strained. Even after the feeding tube was gone and Billy could kiss me. Even after I was given the go ahead to work from my hospital bed. Frayed would be a kind way to say how absolutely on edge I felt.

And the worse part? I felt like I was missing something. Something important. Something paramount. Just out of reach and as though, even surrounded by my laptop and notes, something that was keeping me out of an important loop.

The longer that I stayed in the 'undisclosed medical' location, the more that I wanted to be anywhere else in the world. Literally anywhere. I started to yearn for Bolivia and the Black Ops team that had gotten caught up in the web of a rogue agent and 'died' implicated in a massive fuck up of epic proportions.

When a rational woman who knows how the inner workings of other people's brains and behavior follow reliable patterns starts thinking fondly of the heat of a tropical place where she had to wade through more red tape than most people would assume humanly possible to unravel the truth, all while hearing the type of rumors about the men she was trying to clear and resurrect from faked death, then shit has hit epic levels of horrible. It did remind me to contact that team to see how their return to their former lives had worked out, and wonder if their leader had gotten over his own tragic ability to attract murderous women.

I wanted to go further than the small courtyard deemed safe enough for me to explore, and near enough to make them taking me off the dialysis machine after another fun round of 'clean her blood again' reasonable. I wanted to sleep in my own bed and watch television at my discretion without interruptions for another round of the questions and poking I wanted, in short, to be back to normal already.

I might have been empathizing with Billy's urge for the Vought wankers (his word, I swear) to find the magic solution so life could go back to the routine we both wanted a return to. Or I might have been trying to only see the positive outcome, since there was a creeping feeling that maybe, just maybe there wasn't an easy fix or a fix at all.

A month passed, with my cabin fever slowly increasing by the day, and with it my internal and external temperatures. Oh yeah, that's right, I might have forgotten to mention that while the steaming was at bay, now it was just my actual body temperature that would fluctuate and freak every single fucking person all the way out. When Billy said I nearly went "nuclear" he hadn't been joking, apparently I could have fucking exploded like a goddamn human time bomb and I didn't want to consider just how fucking messy that would have been for the janitorial staff.

Finally, maybe because I wanted some type of control about the questioning, I started asking some probing ones of my own. And what I found, when they would meet my eyes and answer me as fully as I wanted, was that that creeping feeling was growing more likely.

The issue wasn't simply that they didn't know which variation of Compound V that Homelander had me infected with, it was that as they broke down the components and addressed each one, my body didn't simply fight their attempts, it attacked itself. The asshole, it would appear, had basically chosen the self destruct version, and it was trickier than any puzzle these 'real doctors' had ever come across. I was truly feeling the confidence of having a toddler performing my brain surgery with this knowledge.

Oh and that wasn't all, even IF they figured out how to 'neutralize' the formula inside of my bloodstrain, then there was a probability that I could pass it on to any future children. Isn't that some kind of amazingly poetic bullshit to hear after you chose to evict a foreign invader from your uterus? That the one stabilizing agent I'd had scraped and dumped was the ONLY one that I would ever get to actually be allowed to experience. Remind me to send Homelander a HUGE fucking thank you card, would you?

Early into my first true consciousness, before I found out just how fucked the pompous dick had made my entire existence, Billy had told me that my parents had visited while I was knocked out. Apparently near death experiences make even the weirdest of families reunite. And mine was no different.

Mom became a regular visitor and I was shocked by how much I started looking forward to her visits. She was strangely comforting, and tried to keep my spirits up, she even made peace with Billy. Dad was less frequent in his contact, but Mom told me it was difficult for him to see me look like a shell of myself.

And I did. I looked like a ghost that's haunting what was left of my body. The feeding tube had kept me nourished, but my muscle mass had suffered from the amount of time I was forced to spend in bed. I was constantly tired, my work hours going from nine to six to an hour here, a few minutes there, and the amount of napping I did would make most house cats jealous. The gowns that I wore hung from my frame, my appetite was scarce and I felt like this was the LONGEST goodbye letter ever to be written.

As the days passed, one merging into the next without me taking stock of how much I missed, how much that puzzle of what I was missing had bothered me early on, the negative ideas started creeping in. Homelander's voice grew louder. His smug question about Billy and me and what my condition would mean for the two of us in the end kept pushing through my attempts to distract myself.

I was sitting in the soft chair they'd brought in for me by the window, staring out and thinking of my options when Billy came in for his visit. I heard him, in the background noise of beeps and whirls, ask his questions. I felt him when he was nearer to me, but my eyes stayed on the 'view'.

He started to greet me, but my mouth opened and the question came out without me thinking about it. "How will you do it?" I watched a leaf, one missed by the obsessive groundskeepers, dance in a breeze I wish I could feel. He was confused, his reflection showed that much. "When you kill me, how will you do it?"

"Veronica," I could hear the pain in his voice, the fear hiding behind it. "I wouldn't-"

"Frenchie then?" I tilted my head considering. "MM? Hughie barely managed to make the choice with-" I stopped and took a breath. "Kimiko?" I sighed and pulled my legs up onto the chair, hugging my knees. "I hear she makes quite a mess of her prey." My voice wasn't loud and it didn't sound anything more than resigned, and I was a little curious. "If you can get Starlight to do it, you could make it seem like self defense? Or," I sighed, and bit my lip, "it would finally give you a reason to take her out too."

"Ronnie, love, that's not gonna-" I turned and he flinched when he saw that I was serious and not the least bit upset. "Ronnie?"

"Billy Butcher, I wrote the book on you." My smile felt wrong to me, but right at the same time. "I know you inside and out, or at least I think I do." I had the research on the flash drive that was hooked into my laptop on the bed. "You are single minded in your focus and your focus has been on eliminating supes from the world for a very long time." I turned back to the window, staring past the view and at the reflection of the room behind me. "It was one of the things I found the most attractive about you, I think. That you could see a goal and pound away until you master it." He sat in the chair close to me, but at a distance far enough that he'd have to work to touch me. "So, how will I die, Billy?"

"You'll die safe and sound, of old age in our bed, Veronica." I smiled sadly at this pipe dream of a fairy tale he wanted so badly to believe. "When you're sick of me, remember?" I could hear how badly he wanted it to be true, how much he wanted to hold me and it to all be a terrible dream.

"Never took you for a nursery rhyme and fairy stories fan," my eyes were still on the window. "This isn't going away, Billy, what he put in me isn't going away. And you will start to look at me like you look at him." My eyes found his, and face to face I wanted to force him to see it. "You will. And then, just like you, Frenchie, and Hughie brainstormed about Translucent and the best way to end him, you'll start to consider my pressure points." I gave a harsh, humorless chuckle. "And the funniest part is that Homelander built mine in for you, all you have to do is take me off the blood cleanse for a day and my own body will do it for you." His eyes tightened at the reminder of how many close calls I'd had. "Oops, I guess I just planned it for you."

"Please don't." He was begging me to let him pretend it wasn't the truth, that he wouldn't lose me too, and because of the same supe as Becca's cause of death. "Don't do this."

I smiled sadly, knowing he knew, even without me telling him, what was going to happen next.

I remember the phrase "sound it out" from school, and I vaguely remember learning something about long & short vowels or such and to (on Between the Lions) but I don't think I ever understood that or paid it any thought since there were so many exceptions. of course, that doesn't mean it didn't do me any good, just that I didn't consciously recognize that it did (perhaps explaining what non-phonic approaches to teaching reading could be contemplated to begin with?)

One non-phonic approach to reading instruction is based on the belief that reading is a process of integration of syntactic, semantic, and graphic (i.e. whole word shape) cues -- in other words, a series of context-based guesses. This model has no allowance at all for the fact that spelling isn’t completely irregular -- as far as it’s concerned, the English alphabet may as well be a logography!

The paper that originally laid out this model (doi:10.1080/19388076709556976) can speak for itself:

Simply stated, the common sense notion I seek here to refute is this: “Reading is a precise process. It involves exact, detailed, sequential perception and identification of letters, words, spelling patterns and larger language units.”

In phonic centered approaches to reading, the preoccupation is with precise letter identification. In word centered approaches, the focus is on word identification. Known words are sight words, precisely named in any setting.

This is not to say that those who have worked diligently in the field of reading are not aware that reading is more than precise, sequential identification. But, the common sense notion, though not adequate, continues to permeate thinking about reading.

Spache presents a word version of this common sense view: “Thus, in its simplest form, reading may be considered a series of word perceptions.”

The teacher's manual of the Lippincott Basic Reading incorporates a letter by letter variant in the justification of its reading approach: “In short, following this program the child learns from the beginning to see words exactly as the most skillful readers see them . . . as whole images of complete words with all their letters.” In place of this misconception, I offer this: “Reading is a selective process. It involves partial use of available minimal language cues selected from perceptual input on the basis of the reader's expectation. As this partial information is processed, tentative decisions are made to be confirmed, rejected or refined as reading progresses.” More simply stated, reading is a psycholinguistic guessing game. It involves an interaction between thought and language. Efficient reading does not result from precise perception and identification of all elements, but from skill in selecting the fewest, most productive cues necessary to produce guesses which are right the first time. 

The argument in favor of this position is... a handful of case studies of reading errors made by young children! (And some Chomskyist stuff that I don’t care to work through.) And Ken Goodman, the author of the paper quoted above and one of the major proponents of ‘whole-language theory’, had some studies to back this up:

In a study conducted by Goodman (1965), students in grades 1-3 first read lists of words. Then the children were presented the same words to read in meaningful text. The students made many more errors when they read the words out of context (i.e., when the words were in lists) than they did when the words were read in context. This, of course, is consistent with the hypothesis that reading will be facilitated when semantic-contextual and syntactic-contextual cues are present (i.e., when words are read as part of a text) compared to when words are read devoid of context cues (i.e., when words are read on lists). This finding has been used repeatedly to defend the meaning-emphasis practice of teaching students to recognize words by analyzing syntactic, graphemic-phonemic, and especially semantic cues.

Nicholson (1991) detected several very serious shortcomings in the Goodman (1965) study, however. First, no attention was paid in the Goodman (1965) investigation of the patterns of performance by good and poor readers. In addition, the participants always read the lists followed by reading of the words in context, and thus there was the possibility that the improved performance in moving from list reading to reading in context might reflect some type of practice effect (i.e., the words in context had been seen before, on the lists).

In Nicholson (1991), students once again were asked to process words in lists and in context. In this study, however, the list-context order was manipulated such that some participants read the lists first and others read the words in context first. Moreover, the study included systematic analysis of reading as a function of the grade of participants and their reading abilities relative to other students (i.e., good, average, weak). The outcomes in this study were anything but consistent with Goodman's (1965) results:

- Some readers did benefit from reading the words in the sentence context -- namely, poor readers at each age level and average 6- and 7-year-olds. - In context, a positive effect on reading was obtained in sentence context for good 6-year-old readers and average 8-year-olds only when reading words in sentence contexts followed reading words in lists, consistent with the practice effect explanation of the original Goodman (1965) finding. - There was no positive effect derived from reading words in context for good 7- and 8-year-old readers. Indeed, when the 8-year-old good readers did sentence-context reading first, they did better on reading of the words in list format.

Oops!

In very simple terms: how do you prompt a student who’s struggling with a word -- “Sound it out!” or “Context clues!” (The teachers I had always said clues instead of cues; I don’t know if that was because children would be more likely to know the former word or if someone misread it somewhere in the chain of transmission.) And there are a few problems with that:

- No attention is paid to the process of encoding. Even if treating words as logograms whose readings are to be inferred from context works to teach children to read (it doesn’t), how are they supposed to learn to write? (At the height of whole-language theory’s influence, some states banned public schools from buying spelling books.)

- What happens if you hit a proper noun? Take the following sentence: “Notably, Ross' classification does not support the ☃☃☃☃ of the Tsouic languages, instead considering the Southern Tsouic languages of Kanakanavu and Saaroa to be a separate branch.” Context cues let you extract meaning from this sentence without knowing the reading of ☃☃☃☃, but if you have to read it aloud and you can’t sound things out, you’ll hit “Kanakanavu” and produce garble. (You might still be wrong even if you can sound it out, because stress is unwritten and English words aren’t marked for which rule-set to use -- consider the words alveolar and maraschino -- but there’s a difference between being wrong and producing garble. Garble will probably accurately represent the cues, including the vague, impressionistic shape of the word, but a stress or rule-set error will at least convey the spelling. Buegehti for Buttigieg is a good example of garble -- you have the word-shape cues (starts with Bu, most of the letters are there) and the semantic cues (weird surname from the periphery of Europe; I assume Buegehti is pseudo-Finnish), but it’s not even close, and probably unrecoverable without context. (So contextual information isn’t totally useless.)

- Even if the relevant actors were willing to accept lack of attention to spelling and inability to decode phonetic information that context won’t help you with in order to get gains in reading ability... there are no gains.

But, as things do, whole-language theory got a lot wackier from there. Its proponents started referencing Chomsky’s language instinct to posit a reading instinct, which, the theory went, would lead children to automatically acquire reading with no instruction necessary (except highly technical facilitation was still considered necessary, because if schoolteachers aren’t essential, what’s the point?); claiming that phonics actually impeded literacy; attacking opponents of their theory as part of a far-right conspiracy to suppress teachers’ freedom and destroy public education; calling whole-language education a ‘revolution’ that would lead to true liberation and model the egalitarian society of the future; and so on.

For example, Shafer 1998:

Over the years, various writers, politicians, and media sources have taken aim at whole language, vilifying its motives and misrepresenting its goals. While many of the attacks have come from a lamentable ignorance on the part of T.V. reporters and talk show hosts, evidence exists that a portion of it has been carefully orchestrated by conservatives who clearly seem threatened by the implications of a whole language curriculum. Indeed, the list of writers who have opposed whole language initiatives reads like a who's who of conservative pundits. William Bennett, Phyllis Schlafly, Cal Thomas, and Chester Finn have all written articles deriding whole language, despite its overwhelming acceptance among academic organizations and respected scholars.

Many theories have been offered as to why whole language has become so partisan and acrimonious - and why conservatives in particular seem threatened by its humanistic objectives. What seems glaringly clear, in the end, is that whole language - with its caveat for student liberation and control - scares people who want to maintain a hierarchical, top-down approach to learning. The threat of whole language, at least from my perspective, lies in its bold challenge to traditional icons and time-honored practices. Some teachers feel intimidated by the notion that their way is not the only way - that their favorite authors shouldn't be their students' favorite authors.

When students cease to be receptacles of information and begin generating their own ideas, they occasionally formulate theories that are disconcerting to those who want to maintain "authority" in the classroom. Thus, the recent controversy over teaching a literary canon and classes in western civilization helps illustrate the result of whole language - where students question rather than absorb - and where learning comes to be a very personal, reflective activity. "To study," argues Paulo Freire, "is not to consume ideas, but to create and recreate them" (4).

(On the same page: “It seems clear that people learn best when they are progressing from whole to part so that they understand the importance of correctness and the viability of certain non-standard dialects in certain settings.” First, what the fuck is this supposed to mean? And second, I can’t see something like “progressing from whole to part” without having flashbacks to the polemics against Hegel from one of my philosophy professors -- the direction of progression and the concomitant assignment of more basic status to that which one progresses from, he said, was what distinguished Hegelian from analytic philosophy, and the Hegelian progression from whole to part underlay all the most prominent horrors of the 20th century. It was hard enough to quibble with that then, but it gets harder every time I see someone try to shore up nonsense with that ‘Hegelian’ formula.)

Edelsky 1993 (doi:10.2307/3587486):

Whole language (WL) is, first of all, a perspective-in-practice, anchored in a vision of an equitable, democratic, diverse society. A WL perspective highlights theoretical and philosophical notions about language and language learning, knowledge, and reality. In a WL perspective, language is an exquisite human tool for making (not finding) meaning. The WL view is that what people learn when they learn a language is not separate parts (words, sounds, sentences) but a supersystem of social practices whose conventions and systematicity both constrain and liberate. And the way people acquire that system or are acquired by it (Gee, 1990) is not through doing exercises so that they can really use it later but rather by actually using it as best they can with others who are using it with them, showing them how it works and what it is for (Smith, 1981). ...

Appropriating the label, the jargon, or the typical materials and activities of WL without taking on the liberatory (and therefore status-quo-disrupting) political vision, and without adopting a WL theoretical perspective, is a sure way to prevent genuine change.

And from the sewer of journalism, Metcalf 2002:

Why the infatuation with testing? For its most conservative enthusiasts, testing makes sense as a lone solution to school failure because, they insist, adequate resources are already in place, and only the threat of exposure and censure is necessary for schools to succeed. Moreover, among those who style themselves "compassionate conservatives," education has become a sentimental and, all things considered, cheap way to talk about equalizing opportunity without committing to substantial income redistribution. Liberal faddishness, not chronic underfunding of poorer schools or child poverty itself, is blamed for underachievement: "Child-centered" education, "progressive" education or "whole language"--each has been singled out as a social menace that can be vanquished only by applying a more rational, results-oriented and business-minded approach to public education. ...

Why is the same conservative constituency that loves testing even more moonstruck by phonics? For starters, phonics is traditional and rote--the pupil begins by sounding out letters, then works through vocabulary drills, then short passages using the learned vocabulary. Furthermore, to teach phonics you need a textbook and usually a series of items--worksheets, tests, teacher's editions--that constitute an elaborate purchase for a school district and a profitable product line for a publisher. In addition, heavily scripted phonics programs are routinely marketed as compensation for bad teachers. (What's not mentioned is that they often repel, and even drive out, good teachers.) Finally, as Gerald Coles, author of Reading Lessons: The Debate Over Literacy, points out, "Phonics is a way of thinking about illiteracy that doesn't involve thinking about larger social injustices. To cure illiteracy, presumably all children need is a new set of textbooks."

Whole-language theory isn’t as popular now as it used to be. But the underlying Lysenkoist tendency has taken strong root in L2 education, which is why most of the people in my second-year German class couldn’t properly decline the definite article.

Sometimes you just have to drill.

according to @drmagnolia​ ; 

“  How does it affect Victor’s life to be an Asian person in Galar? Does he get linked with Kabu when people talk about it? “

[Lonnggg infodump about Vic’s ethnicity & race & appearance and oouuhhooooo]

tldr; vic is white-passing so no, he doesn’t get inappropriately lumped in with kabu or other “asian” figures for superficial reasons or otherwise. quite the opposite, his roots are generally glossed over or downright ignored. people don’t really talk about it, or they don’t really consider the implications of “the champ being from hoenn.” (that he, himself, is half) he gets the privilege of not facing microaggressions or anything of the like because, again, he looks like a fully white galarian boy. (not to mention i feel like galar seems like itd be somewhat diverse? or at least beyond overt racism for the most part lol?) he does however feel detached to his home region and its culture despite it being very integral to who he is as a person. in this essay i will- (*links the actual essay*)

First and foremost, Victor takes after his father quite heavily- if not an “equal” amount as he takes after his mother; but the traits he inherited from both of them tend to lean towards what is stereotypically deemed Anglo-Saxton (even though Eastern Asians very easily could be born with them as well.) Lighter brown eyes and medium-brown hair, double eyelids, etc. aren’t race-exclusive, but most usually associate those traits with the former since common belief is that they’re rare to appear in the latter or more likely to appear in the former (which isn’t necessarily 100% true either way, but.) He gets his double eyelids and facial structure from his dad; eyebrows, eye and hair color from mum. His height isn’t very “typical” for an asian young man either, so it could be likely to have come from his mum’s side if anywhere.

His dad is 100% of Hoenn descent, say, 5+ generations- Mum’s background is probably a mix of Unovan and Galarian here-and-there but... say 100% Galarian for simplicity’s sake. She’s fully Galarian with parents whose grandparents may have immigrated from elsewhere.

If he told someone he was mixed and had a father of Hoenn descent people would read that as totally reasonable and identifiable (”ohhh I can see it”), but if he didn’t say so himself folks would probably just assume him to be full-Galarian. So in a sense, he’s white-passing.��

With that in mind, his appearance really isnt any target identity to any form of microaggression or ignorance that could come with being a foreigner or minority in Galar. People can maybe recognize that he doesn’t quite look from around here, but... he has a good amount of “white” physical traits, so they could just write him off. It may raise questions from some curious people but not everyone  feels the need to care. Any ignorance directed towards him would be insensitivity over the fact that he’s mixed and is asian or just.. diminishing it I guess. Him feeling (not pressured, but) inclined by society to not express that side of him out of self-consciousness of it being pointed out as an oddity, or like he’s not doing it right, or that he’s not “authentic” because he’s mixed. 

Victor feels a bit of awe and/or excitement when met with opportunities to “prove” himself or get to first-hand experience aspects of Hoenn culture that he misses from his childhood or never really got to experience at all in the first place due to moving away so early and being deprived of any role models that could guide him through it. Like, when he met Kabu he probably wasn’t star-struck considering he wasn’t a big League fan that early into the game (more on that in another post(tm)), but he did feel a sense of homeliness from Kabu.

He didn’t feel like it was his place to... connect with him in any way though? He could’ve very well reached out to him and introduced himself in his first language and spoke about Hoenn, see if the man had any adages or things he could share with him in the form of smalltalk- but even that inoffensive of a gesture seems like it wouldn’t be permissible for Victor to do. What if he embarasses himself? What if Kabu thinks he’s weird or reaching- what if Kabu thinks he’s inauthentic? It’s not like Kabu would think anything bad about it- it’s just that... implicitly asking to connect with someone based on their common background can be. odd feeling. especially when you don’t quite look the part.

So when it came to interactions with Leaf and Red thus far, he allows himself to express under the guise of utility- it’d be more convenient for the other person (or maybe necessary) to communicate if he spoke his first language and so forth, so it has a justifiable excuse (not like he should even need one). Also for crack/him talking to himself and/or in private, that’s sorta different case dfjgdn (permit: i do what i want)

...

That being said—— there’s two sides to the same coin. If Victor went back home as he was, people may be in awe at how fluent the Galarian boy is at Ranseigo, even though he was born there. They may comment on his features inoffensively, but it does leave an imprint on you even if it’s not grating or even hurtful at all. Like, it can go for anything. If someone comments on the funky look of your smile, it makes you want to do it less, subconsciously or otherwise. 

Overall it’s a complicated thing to really get the whole concept of and explain but I tried to articulate it to the best of my current ability.

Basically- Galar doesn’t acknowledge him as asian; Hoenn would likely not acknowledge him as asian either. Regardless of how well-educated he is on his family’s culture, he may not ever be regarded as, well, asian, because of his outward appearance. Doesn’t help that his dad isn’t around anymore and he lives with his mum in her homeland. His outward influences are all Galarian and he’s a bit conscious about being pointed out by other Galarians for... being a try-hard? I guess? Performing for other white people who won’t appreciate or understand in the first place? Meanwhile go the other direction and it sure as hell feels a bit weird being called “cute” and being talked down to and babied for being a “white boy” speaking a language that you have every right to call your first.

^ gets clowned no matter what

Starsky is Canonically Jewish - A Moodboard & Analysis

A detailed exploration of all the Many Many aspects in the canon that point to Starsky being Jewish can be seen under the cut + bonus headcanons! 

So I was looking at Starsky’s fanlore page and the discussion there talks about hints within the canon that Starsky may be Jewish. As one commentator notes, “There is plenty of mild justification for Starsky being Jewish”. Tbh, I’d say that, whilst subtle and never explicitly addressed, there is far more than just mild justification to suggest that Starsky is Jewish, and that he is in fact canonically so (and also I found the menorah they were talking about and I felt like I was on Myth-busters, which I’ve never seen but I imagine they mainly investigate fandom hearsay regarding background menorahs and other such suggestions. I’m insanely proud for having found it please appreciate because it took me a Very long time to, although I’ve found in researching this that there was at least one screenshot of it online here from 2011 :D). 

TV Tropes has Starsky down for the Ambiguously Jewish trope and whilst I definitely agree that Starsky fits this trope description, I would say that there really is nothing ambiguous about it. There are just so so many aspects that come together. This boy is just canonically Jewish! 

(Disclaimer: I’m not Jewish. Although I am very much considering converting and I’ve been studying everything I can about Judaism for well well over a year or so now, as well as attending services through whatever means I’ve been able to, I am by No Means even remotely close to being knowledgeable on the topic. Still, I figured there were some things I’d noticed whilst watching that hadn’t been mentioned that I wanted to bring up, and I also wanted to pull together observations by others into one place because I’m always hyped for canon representation and creating coherent resources. Extensive Research Is My Jam. If I’ve got anything wrong; said something in an uncomfortable way; talked where it wasn’t my place to talk; made assumptions I shouldn’t have; or like, said/done literally anything else that feels even slightly off then Please Please say and I’ll do everything I can to sort it!!)

Reasons why I reckon Starsky is canonically Jewish: 

For one, Paul Michael Glaser is Jewish and if William Shatner being Jewish is good enough for my Jewish!Kirk headcanons then it’s sure as heck good enough for my Jewish!Starksy headcanons. Furthermore, according to Wikipedia, both Leonard Goldberg and Aaron Spelling are Jewish, and a good many of the writers have Jewish surnames too, though I can’t find out much about them specifically. Due to their fame, and therefore extended biographies, Wikipedia does specify that writers Michael Mann, and Fred Freiberger are Jewish. Joe Naar, who produced the show, was also Jewish, and used to joke that his style “was born out of being a short Jew with a huge chip on his shoulder.” Rick Edelstein was hugely involved in the writing of the later series and you can really see the influence Judaism has on his work, as is evident in his more recent short story, Bodega. He also ended his short video supporting Obama in '08 with "l'chaim, to life".

Essentially, I think Jewish people were involved in all levels of production within the show - from the writing, to the acting, to the direction, to the production - and this can be seen in the varied means by which it’s suggested that Starsky is Jewish himself. As such, suggestions that may have been seen as accidental otherwise can then take on greater significance, whilst the more explicit examples take on more emotional weight. 

Why, then, would it not be more explicitly stated that Starsky is, and was always considered to be, Jewish? I read a really interesting post the other day about how Jewish people in Hollywood often felt unable to include Jewish characters/actors/themes in their work out of fear of seeming too “tribalistic, or insular, or that Hollywood was (as it was in the antisemitic imagination) a ‘Jewish’ front”. Obviously, I can’t comment from a Jewish perspective, but when I was younger I felt similar pressure in regards to including queer characters. As such, I think it’s really exciting to see the very explicit references to Starsky being Jewish, even if they aren’t clearly obvious to a wider audience not actively looking for such references.

Paul Michael Glaser also played Perchik in Fiddler on the Roof (1971) - which I mention not only because it shows Glaser playing other Jewish roles, but also as a recommendation because I Love My Hyped Wee Jewish Communist Revolutionary Boy. Glaser talked about how Starsky was a culmination of other characters he’d played prior to Starsky (DVD extras) and I think this is quite evident in Starsky and Perchik’s respective behaviours. As a nod to this, the middle top picture is (apparently) from a Jewish Labour Bund publication. This is something you can learn more about on its Wikipedia article here, and there’s more interesting things about The Bund here and here as well!

As we all know, Starsky calls Hutch the Blond Blintz (to his Puce Goose) :D Here’s a recipe for blintzes from myjewishlearning.com - they’re like pancakes and it’s an Ashkenazim custom to eat them on Shavuot. Also I love the scene in The Set-Up: part 1 where he first calls Hutch the Blond Blintz and Hutch is like???? and Starsky just says Blintz very definitively and with no further explanation and Hutch is just like,,, u kno what,, I’m just going to roll with this.) 

I basically just really love this because it’s an example of Starsky being very openly and explicitly involved in Jewish culture, not just when he says it in The Set-Up, but also in Starsky’s Lady, when playing with the kids, especially as there aren’t a lot of references to things that carry on across multiple episodes.

I also like the way he pulls everyone else into his reference of it very un-apologetically; it feels very in character. There’s a picture of a blintz in the left column of the middle row! (Also, I feel like,,,, there might be some,,,, Freudian Implications to naming your partner after a rolled pancake filled with cream cheese that gets released when eaten?? @jimmyandthegiraffes fite me.)

Whilst Hutch looks at a glow in the dark cross being sold by Huggy in Jojo (written by Mann), Starsky picks up a mezuzah, which are put up at gateposts and door frames in Jewish homes - here’s a video about it :D The picture in the left-most bottom corner is Starsky inspecting this mezuzah. I really like this scene because he goes straight to it and seems to be considering it with very real interest. This is interestingly contrasted with Hutch picking up the cross, which isn’t the only time the show appears to draw a distinction between their respective cultural and religious heritages. 

I think that really responds to some of the stuff William Blinn has said about their casting and how thrilled they were to have two actors playing characters from such different backgrounds whilst having such great chemistry, and how that really helps form the magic of the show even (DVD extras). I think their respective choices really help to demonstrate how assumed it was that Starsky Would naturally pick up a mezuzah, in contrast to Hutch’s cross. 

The menorah (or actually Chanukkiah if we’re going to be really specific about it) in the background of Starsky’s apartment in Foxy Lady and in Blindfold. For so long I thought this was a myth but!! it’s not!!!! You can see it in the right hand column, middle row :D With the greatest thanks to the canon compendium for pointing out the episodes it appears in and also for like, literally everything else - it’s genuinely just the best fandom resource I’ve seen. I love this because I think, asides from a Magen David (Star of David), I think a menorah is one of the most well known symbols of Judaism and I think it’s really rad that it’s something the crew thought consciously to include, even if it is a largely not shown background detail. Again, it’s subtle but explicit which is why I would argue that Starsky is canonically Jewish.

It’s also worth remembering that even though it’s in an area in his apartment that doesn’t get shot by the cameras except on a few occasions, it Is a part of the apartment that’s Really visible from like, every direction and is right across from the front door. I’ve got another screenshot below from Blindfold that puts it more in context of where it is. I think this is really cool!! It’s obviously something he considers a big enough part of his life to keep on display year round and it’s something instantly recognisable and visible for anyone coming into his house (Foxy Lady came out on March 1st and Blindfold on October 21st, neither of which are around Chanukkah, if you’re going by episode air dates).

Speaking of the Magen David :D As can be seen in the episode Little Girl Lost, Starsky has a couple of blue six pointed stars on his dash under his Christmas decoration, as you can see in the top left hand corner of the mood board. I think this is really cool because Starsky is obviously very hyped for Christmas in this episode, hanging reindeer from his mirror and singing Christmas songs and being really hyped for presents, and this could be used to suggest that Oh No He Can’t Be Jewish He Likes Christmas, but not only does he only engage in secularised aspects of Christmas (in contrast to the nativity scene at Kiko’s house), there’s the very conscious inclusion of these stars. All the scenes in the car are set during Chanukkah, which ran from 16-24th December in 1976, and the stars are blue, which, along with white or silver, is often used for Chanukkah decorations and is traditionally associated with Judaism. Basically this remains in keeping with the subtle yet very conscious inclusion of Jewish symbolism, easily missed by those not thinking to look for it. 

Also I know heaps of Jewish people that enjoy the secular aspects of Christmas, particularly if the holiday has meaning for their friends. In Starsky’s case this might be more because he wants to annoy Hutch and he likes bickering or perhaps because he’s upset by Hutch’s increasing cynicism and wants Hutch to feel happier. Or because he wants a new caboose for his train set. Probably that.

In the bottom left hand corner you’ll see a picture of Paul Muni, born   Frederich Meshilem Meier Weisenfreund, Meshilem being his Hebrew name. I just like that Hutch suggests Starsky’s mother called him Rudolph Valentino and Starsky corrects him saying she “said I was more of the Paul Muni type”, suggesting the actor she compared him to was actually a notably Jewish one (Paul Muni references can be found in Lady Blue, as written by Mann, and Silence). Again, I think the contrast between Hutch suggesting a gentile actor, and Starsky raising a Jewish one instead is interesting, as well as highlighting Starsky’s mother’s engagement with, and perhaps predisposition towards, Jewish culture.

On it’s own this is perhaps more of a curiosity, maybe too much opportunity for coincidence to really warrant too much attention, but Dobey also chooses a Jewish comparison in The Velvet Jungle when he says, “who do you think you are, Starsky, Milton Berle?” So here we have two instances wherein the comparisons drawn with Starsky are with other Jewish personalities.

In Terror On The Docks (written by Freiberger), Huggy apologises for not bringing an ill Starsky chicken soup, instead bringing mustard green broth which, “where I come from is just as effective”. This might not have much significance in and of itself, except that literally just 2 episodes later, in Shootout, Sammy Grovner makes a joke about chicken soup being Jewish penicillin. In addition, Huggy’s reference to his own culture’s cure-all suggests that chicken soup would have been the culturally appropriate first-choice for Starsky. As such, I’ve included a picture of matzo-ball chicken soup in the top left hand corner. 

Also, in The Game, Hutch says in regards to their soup related upbringings that, “we obviously had different mothers” and Starsky says, “yeah, mine was chicken soup, yours was,, clam chowder”, which isn’t really that important except that the show likes to highlight their different cultural upbringings and once again they’re doing so by referencing something that is widely culturally understood to be Jewish, having already explicitly stated it within the show to be so. (I could write a whole dissertation about cultural soup references in Starsky and Hutch, but I’m not going to. Just note that there are a weird amount of them.)

We see in Running that Starsky calls his mother every Friday evening. I think this is really interesting because, if they were both observant orthodox, they wouldn’t be using electricity on Shabbat. I mean, duh, Starsky is Not observantly orthodox but this scene shows that neither is his mother. Any yet, the time they’ve picked to talk each week is on Friday evenings, when many Jewish families come together for Shabbat dinner. As such, I think this shows how Starsky’s Judaism holds a place within his life and his routines, as well as suggesting what tradition he may have been brought up in. I personally headcanon conservative, but Reform works too!

As the fanlore page says, “Starsky looked stunned when Nancy's mother asked him if he were Catholic in 'Terror on the Docks,' to which he replied he was not.” This scene is a really interesting one to watch for this (and, again, was written by Freiberger), and whilst this merely shows that he’s not Catholic, his confusion and bafflement suggests just how surprising this question is to him, and his discomfort is evident as he laughs awkwardly. I think this is an experience many minorities can attest to, and he’s feeling the unease that comes when you’re put under pressure to reveal a part of your identity that may well be not received well. 

In terms of the canon, I think the way in which this is played is so in line with the concept that Starsky is Jewish that it really suggests that this was something in clearly in mind in regards to his characterisation, at least by a number of the people working on the show. 

In terms of headcanons, I like Starsky’s bewilderment here because it seems like he straight up just thought it was obvious that he was Jewish, and so it offers an in-universe explanation for why he never says “I’m Jewish”, rather than the external explanation regarding the fears surrounding creating explicitly clear Jewish characters in the 1970s. 

It is interesting, in universe, that he doesn’t then say, “No, Mrs. Blake, I’m afraid I’m Jewish”, but I think this shows Starsky’s reticence to talk about his background with strangers, despite his comfort proudly talking about blintzes with Hutch and Terry. This is frankly just understandable, given the existence of antisemitism and Mrs Blake’s evangelical Catholicism, and again offers another explanation for why he never says I’m Jewish, wherein everyone he feels comfortable knowing already know, so there’s no need for him to say that. 

(This said, @jimmyandthegiraffes and I headcanon that he just explains everything he doesn’t know with the fact he’s Jewish, even when it’s totally unrelated, *queue Starsky’s sage voice* “Ah see, I wouldn’t know whether those out of date eggs are safe to eat because I’m Jewish.” - Hutch is going to throw something. Also saying he can’t eat something healthy Hutch has made because it’s not kosher, whilst eating something obviously treif, which I made a post about here.)

We also see Starsky’s reticence to talk about his background with antagonistic strangers/suspects in The Committee, “Starsky? What is it, Polish?” “Something like that.” And yet, in Starsky And Hutch Are Guilty we see Starsky talk with Sharon, with whom he obviously feels comfortable with, about his home cooked goulash, “My mother gave me a recipe straight from the old country.” Again, this shows an in universe explanation for why we never see Starsky talk about his background explicitly, as those who he feels comfortable knowing already know.

This line is also interesting as it suggests information about Starsky’s heritage that pretty clearly implies a family with an immigrant background;  this again would be in line with the experience of many Jewish people in the US, particularly when considering Starsky’s roots in New York as many families settled there fleeing pogroms and persecution. I headcanon that Starsky’s father was killed just after his 13th birthday (and his Bar Mitzvah) and moved to Bay City the summer after (this is taking Glaser’s birthday as Starsky’s for consistency).

This would mean Starsky lived in New York 1943-1956. The Jewish population of New York was at its peak in 1950 at 2 million. Still today, New York City is the largest community of Jews in the world within a city proper, including Tel Aviv. I think it perhaps goes without saying that this was and is particularly true in Brooklyn. I’ve seen lots of fics argue about where about in New York Starsky is from (with one claiming New Jersey which was pretty left field). The closest connection to New York that I have is that I grew up on the outskirts of the city it was named after. If you ever want to visit York, it has a lot of chocolate museums and a nice Gothic cathedral and a bad connection with Jewish history. I’m on a tangent. My point is, although I can figure Yorkshire accents, I’m not especially good at figuring out the nuances of New York accents so I leave it up to you lot, and on the whole people tend to suggest that he has a Brooklyn accent. We also know he has swum at Coney Island, and that the sea there tastes better than on the playboy island (Murder on Voodoo Island: part 2).

What we do know is that Starsky grew up on 84th Street (Targets Without A Badge: part 2) although there do seem to be a Lot of 84th streets in New York. We also know that if we are agreeing on Brooklyn then 84th street runs through Bay Ridge, Dyker Heights, and Bensonhurt. I figure Bensonhurst works best because, even though it’s a very Italian neighbourhood now, until the 50s it was a Jewish/Italian neighbourhood, which works with Starsky’s grandmother’s flat above the Italian restaurant (Shootout). It also works with the implications surrounding Starsky’s family and the mob (The Set-Up: part 1) as the Bath Avenue Crew operated in Bensonhurst. The mob thing is also interesting when considering Starsky’s Jewish heritage. There’s a painted Bensonhurst shop front in the bottom middle of the mood board which has been kept the same since the 1950s when Starsky could have been living there!

This has all been largely (or wholly) tangential, but essentially my point is that what we know of Starsky’s heritage chimes pretty neatly with the experience of many Jewish Americans, which again ties in with the argument that Starsky’s Judaism was something held in mind by those involved in the creation of the show. 

Another thing I found interesting was in an article I was reading about Paul Simon, born less than two years before Glaser. In regard to Simon, Donald Fagen says, “There’s a certain kind of New York Jew, [...] almost a stereotype, really, to whom music and baseball are very important. I think it has to do with the parents. The parents are either immigrants or first-generation Americans who felt like outsiders, and assimilation was the key thought — they gravitated to black music and baseball looking for an alternative culture.” Simon responded to say that this wasn't too far from the truth. Obviously, Starsky enjoying baseball does not at all mean anything about him being Jewish, but it does fit in with his Jewish New York upbringing, from his father taking him to see the Yankees and him collecting baseball cards (Vendetta), to his enthusiasm with Pete (Little Girl Lost). 

It is worth noting how this enthusiasm for baseball seems to be something that Starsky engages in far more than Hutch, which is interesting given Soul's history with the sport. (I feel like they definitely could have done more with the fact that David Soul was a good enough player to be offered a contract with the Chicago White Sox). Perhaps this wasn't pursued because a passion for baseball was thought to be more in line with Starsky's upbringing, versus Hutch's Sea Scouts. Again, this maybe suggests a certain narrative held in mind regarding Starsky’s background and how it influenced his characterisation.

Curiously, any Yiddish on the show is typically said by Hutch rather than by Starsky. In Vendetta, Hutch says to Artie Sorkin, “Fagin, faigeleh. What’s the differences? You’re vermin.” Faigeleh meaning homosexual. Also, as the canon compendium notes, “Hutch calls his houseplant ‘Meschugah Mantherlus.’” ‘Meschugah’ means crazy in Yiddish.  “‘Mantherlus’ doesn’t translate as anything but is probably an inside joke and supposed to sound Latin.” (Ballad for a Blue Lady, co-written by Glaser.) 

Largely I just found this interesting, but I did read a really cool study talking about the use of Yiddish in the American vernacular and one of its many findings was that gentiles with close Jewish friends were, unsurprisingly, more likely to use more Yiddish terminology. Also, unrelated but super fascinating, LGBT+ people were more likely to use Yiddish too.

On the Jewish immigrant experience, in Partners Starsky tries to get Hutch to play Pinochle with him, claiming "you love Pinochle", suggesting this is a game they frequently play together. Pinochle used to be a favourite card game of Jewish and Irish immigrants. I get that at this point I'm probably clasping at straws but I'm going for as comprehensive as possible, and I think it creates a good story about Starsky playing it with his family and later teaching it to Hutch.

It is interesting how Hutch is possibly shown to be engaging with Jewish culture in regard to both his use of Yiddish and his love of Pinochle. This may well be because Jewish culture permeates American society, after all it's Soul we see say the Yiddish "putz" in the bloopers. But it is slightly interesting that these were lines given to Hutch, perhaps for plot purposes, or because the writers were choosing to include their own culture and ways of speaking in a way that is safer through the evidently gentile Soul rather than the conspicuously Jewish Glaser. 

There are other instances of Judaism in Starsky and Hutch that aren’t necessarily pointing to Starsky being Jewish but that are notable. Huggy Bear and the Turkey starts with Starsky and Hutch undercover in Caplan Laundry, where Hutch seems to be undercover as an orthodox Jewish man (and Starsky his wife? Seemingly? They certainly uh, go for it in the bloopers). 

Caplan/Kaplan is a surname found in a number of cultures but it is a common Ashkenazim surname which also makes me headcanon Officer Minnie Kaplan as Jewish because we all want more Jewish headcanons in our lives and I think it puts her friendship with Starsky in an interesting context. (Marki Bey more like Marki Bae)

Again, it's Hutch we see taking on the more visibly Jewish role, although this does not go to negate Starsky's own Jewishness, as this may well be understood to be his influence on the friend he spends significantly more than 75% of his time with. Also, it can be assumed that Starsky is undercover as a Jewish woman as he appears to work at the launderette. 

Obviously A Body Worth Guarding is the episode that deals most with Judaism as the Jewish protesters are a central plot feature. It’s interesting that Starsky’s involvement with them is largely hostile, however, I think this is more to do with the circumstances. At first he believes they’ve hired muscle to hurt Anna so he goes in hard which means the Jewish Organisation for Action respond with a more hostile approach. And yet, he’s completely on-board with dropping the JOA lead and following the fascist one as a result of Kauffman’s logic that attacking Anna would only lead to more antisemitism, which despite being a sound argument had no actual evidence to support it. From this point Kauffman is still resistant to working with Starsky which means Starsky maybe is more heavy handed in his approach, but it is on order to get Kauffman to help him follow the fascist lead. Once the job has been done he seems a lot softer towards the JOA and genuinely thankful for their help.

Essentially, the episode is noteworthy but Starsky’s reaction to the JOA tells us not so much about his own personal beliefs and upbringing and more about how he approaches his job. I do think it interesting that he believes Kauffman’s logic and subsequently drops all suspicion of the JOA and instead trusts him enough to bring him in as help.

Also Huggy calls the JOA the “desert people” which might just be Huggy’s turn of phrase but I think it feels more comfortable if Starsky is Jewish as it’s more like banter between friends then.

In spite of all these very purposeful allusions and references to Starsky’s Judaism, in Savage Sunday he complains about having to work on a Sunday, the Christian sabbath instead of Judaism’s Shabbat. And yet, I don’t believe this undermines Starsky’s Jewish presentation as it seems that his complaints are more that he expects to have Sunday off because he is in a Christian society which usually allows him a break on a Sunday to which he can look forward to. When he’s complaining about working on a Saturday in Jojo (written by Mann), Hutch says, “Could be worse, could be Sunday”, to which Starsky replies, “Come on, Saturday’s bad enough”, bemoaning all the sports that he could be watching instead. 

This is interesting too as you could easily use this to headcanon him using sport as an excuse to express his frustrations at having to work on Shabbat, especially as it’s Hutch who says, “Could be worse, could be Sunday.”

Note: It was mentioned on the fanlore page that Huggy gives Starsky a wreath of garlic ‘for those of other persuasions’, but, as far as I can tell, the garlic is to ward off vampires of “all the rest of the denominations” when the cross for “any vampire of Christian persuasion” won’t be of help, rather than the garlic being for non-Christian vampire hunters. As always, I’m loving Huggy’s enterprising approach to religion, making sure he covers all bases, but it’s not really a suggestion that Starsky is Jewish, just that he needs to protect himself from non-Christian vampires.

In the same vein, Huggy does say “Shalom” to Starksy (and to Hutch) in Dandruff, though this seems to be more as an aspect of his undercover role as Prince Nairobi.

Essentially, Starsky is frequently presented as engaging with Jewish culture, practices, and traditions, often very visibly so. Aside from the very explicitly Jewish references, Starsky is very frequently characterised in a way that suggests his being Jewish was held in mind, on a writing level, an acting level, a direction level, and a production level. As I mentioned earlier, American society in imbued with Jewish culture and so many of these things may have been purely incidental. However, coupled with the more explicit examples of Starsky's Judaism they may be said to take on greater purpose and subsequent significance. Pretty much across the board, he is understood to be Jewish and whilst these references maybe subtle enough to pass by those not engaged with Judaism or considering it a possibility, this does not preclude Starsky’s Judaism from being a very knowing and explicit inclusion, and therefore canon.

Given all this, I have some headcanons about to what extent Starsky is practising! 

We canonically know he doesn’t keep kosher – I mean this boy eats linguine with clams. I have read a fic where Hutch is forbidden from telling Starsky’s ma that he eats bacon or meat with dairy and I really like this as a headcanon. I definitely think she Knows but she lets Starsky pretend he doesn’t because it keeps him happy.

We also know neither he nor his mother have qualms about not being shomer Shabbos, but as I mentioned earlier, we Do see them using Friday evenings as the time they choose to call one another.

We know he doesn’t wear a kippah on the regular, too. And he never says the Sh’ma out loud if he thinks he’s about to die, although I do think he probably says it to himself. Again, I think I’ve read a fic about that. As I reread the ones I have bookmarked I’ll add them in if I can find them.

Other than these examples, pretty much everything else as far as I can tell is fair game, particularly if you’re considering along the lines of Reform, or even conservative, depending on the community. I know a lot of Jewish people who would consider themselves to be actively practicing who don’t keep kosher or who work on a Saturday etc.

About that, as I mentioned above, we know he does sometimes work on a Saturday (and he complains about it). This suggests that he doesn’t necessarily frequent synagogue regularly, particularly as he was frustrated about missing the sport he likes to watch on a Saturday.

However, for one thing, this doesn’t mean he Never goes to temple, and for another, we do know that Starsky very likely celebrates Chanukkah, due to his Chanukkiah. Chanukkah is a relatively minor Jewish holiday and so if he celebrates this it’s likely he also celebrates other, more significant holidays, and high holy days. Maybe he doesn’t go to shul every week, but a synagogue on Yom Kippur is generally full of people who are not regular attenders.

Please imagine this boy trying to fast I bet Hutch would be glad as hell that Starsky isn’t at work lol.

Personally, I tend to headcanon that Starsky moves to greater observance post Sweet Revenge. I think the hospital rabbi is good at playing Pinochle and the two become friends and they have good philosophical debates and Hutch joins in and after Starsky is discharged they want to see the rabbi so they start regularly attending shul and they both find something they can get out of it, especially as I headcanon that they retire from the force I think it gives them a community. For Starsky, I think it gives him a connection to his heritage and his family and maybe his father in particular, as well as a focus on social justice work through the synagogue so that he and Hutch can still feel like they’re making a difference. Tbh, I think that Hutch might find a lot to connect to in Judaism, maybe in the way it’s focused on making a difference in the here and now and not in order to access some afterlife. To be clear, I don’t think that’s necessarily the angle Christianity takes but I think it is how Hutch might perceive it and I think he might find Judaism more grounding in that respect. Also, if he converts then Starsky’s ma would be thrilled that if he hasn’t found a nice Jewish girl then at least he’s found a nice Jewish boy and Starsky will tease that Hutch’s hair is so long he might as well be a girl. I think it would create a really interesting relationship between Starsky’s ma and Hutch where they talk about Judaism and she introduces him to recipes and books and stuff and later Hutch is showing Starsky and he’s like, how come Ma never showed me?! And Hutch is like, she tried to idiot you just got distracted. And they can just, explore stuff together. It’s really soft.

Also, I think they host Shabbat dinners every Friday and it’s really cool because it’s a way that they can stay in touch with the Dobeys after they’ve left the force, and how they can stay close with Huggy when they’re not visiting for tips every other day. Also Kiko and Pete can come and then stay the night and spend Saturday with them maybe to give Mrs. Ramos a break. Minnie can come too and say the prayers!! Plus Paco Ortega and Joey and tbh any number of the other kids they’ve accidentally adopted over the years.

Pesach at theirs is just, the fullest house you can possibly imagine I love it. @jimmyandthegiraffes came up with the idea that there isn’t space for Dobey and the boys are like, oh you’re sat on the counter and he’s like? But there’s an empty chair and place set out here?? And he goes to sit down and everyone is like, nOOoO that’s for Elijah!! You cAnt sIT in Elijah’S plaCe?!

Gosh I love them

Starsky high key calls the new year “secular Rosh Hashanah”

Even though I personally headcanon a greater observance after sweet revenge, there really is nothing at all to say he isn’t at least somewhat practising over the course of the series and even that he is, given the Chanukkiah and what that means about holidays. I like how he keeps it up year round to maybe keep in mind his faith/upbringing/background.

I think it’s interesting that many of the fics that engage with Starsky as Jewish often suggest that he’s not religious, which is of course completely possible. However, just because he doesn’t ever talk about a faith in God doesn’t mean it isn’t present, especially when faith is often something so private and proselytising isn’t a part of Judaism. Personally I think that Starsky does have faith in God throughout the series and after, and this does impact his relationship with Judaism prior to Sweet Revenge as he considers things like the mezuzah and engages with Jewish culture, but that it’s after Sweet Revenge that he starts engaging with his faith more as connected to Judaism and religious traditions, rather than I’m going to celebrate my culture and upbringing and also I have a faith in God. He sees the two as more connected perhaps? and his faith as having a more direct impact on his life.

I really like how Huggy says the thing about the chicken soup too, and the “desert people” line is made a lot sweeter by thinking of him as a cool supportive friend who Starsky has known for a long time and who typically engages with Judaism specifically because it means something to Starsky.

I seemingly have a lot of thoughts on this.

Also, I really like how he calls him blintz, weird Freudian implications aside, especially because blintzes can be eaten at any time but are typically associated with Shavuot and I like the idea that Starsky has really a really fond association with his religion but also with Hutch. I really like the idea that if Hutch converts then the two can stay up all night together, eating blintzes and cheese and Hutch can maybe read aloud for my dyslexic boy.

Essentially, I just really love thinking about this and I think there’s more space for an actively practising Starsky than there’s generally understood to be, religious or not, even over the course of the show. Especially if you consider Reform Judaism. But tbh just give me Jewish!Starsky fics and I’m happy whatever they’re like.

I’ve worked really hard to find each scene I’ve mentioned on my DVDs (this post has taken me literally So Long to write (9 months-ish? it’s my Child) and I’ve researched it far Far more than I do my uni assignments whoops), so you can be sure I’ve checked to make sure each reference is legitimate. If you want to see screenshots of these quotations, or you want to know whereabouts in the episodes they occur, then message me! If you have additional examples or you disagree with me or if you’ve spotted a mistake then share that too!

With all my thanks to my partner Chester who’s put up with me banging on about this and spending Hours and Hours being ridiculously pedantic in the hopes of creating as coherent a resource as I can. They’ve also contributed so much and just they’re rad. I also cannot thank enough the canon compendium for helping me fill in all the blanks and pointing me in all the directions I needed to go in, I Genuinely cannot think of a better fandom resource. Also the first 3 seasons scripts are available here which is a huge help.

tldr; Starsky is irrefutably, canonically Jewish and also I love him 

Battle of the AIs: Concluding Rambles

So, in the last two weeks I’ve highlighted some of the implications between Overlord’s name and H.I.V.E.mind’s names. In short, Overlord’s name not only implies a station of control, but recalls a feudal system where people’s bodies and labor were considered property and an independent, isolated authority figure. H.I.V.E.mind’s name, meanwhile, suggests a tendency to bring things together, allowing students to receive specialized attention amid H.I.V.E.’s industrious environment. 

Interesting, yes, but I want to take a moment and examine how these readings of these characters impacts our reading of the end of Escape Velocity (Chapter 13). Be aware, there will be spoilers for book three below the cut.

Chapter 13 is near the very end of Escape Velocity: Dr. Nero and Otto find themselves trapped on a space station. They learn that Overlord now lives in Number One’s body, that Otto was built to be Overlord’s replacement body, and that Overlord plans to take over the world. Despite their efforts against him, Overlord enters Otto’s body and intends to stay there permanently, but Otto begins to resist and ultimately confronts the AI within his consciousness. 

It’s here that we start to see Overlord’s feudal spirit make its move.

“You insignificant little worm,” Overlord bellowed, “you no longer exist. You’ve been overwritten. Why are you still here?”

“This is my head,” Otto said angrily. “I make the rules here.”

“Don’t be a fool,” Overlord said with a sneer. “You can’t fight this. Number One couldn’t and neither will you.”

“I’m not Number One,” Otto said calmly. “You upgraded me, remember?”

“You’re still no match for me. You’re just a ghost in the machine. Your body belongs to me now” (329-330).

Obviously, we can tell from the surface that Overlord is an arrogant machine that has no respect for Otto’s body, individuality, or autonomy. In some ways, it might be accurate to say that Overlord sees himself as the ONLY “real person” in existence, with the possible exception of H.I.V.E.mind. The most interesting phrase in this section, though, is Overlord saying that Otto is a “ghost in the machine,” which is a philosophy term that refers to the idea of the mind being separate from the body. In other words, in calling Otto a ghost, Overlord is suggesting that he has claimed Otto’s body as property and Otto’s mind has no particular right to it.

We would all understand this to be bad, as Overlord is infringing upon Otto’s bodily autonomy, but it reaches villainous proportions when we consider it from the context of a feudal lord. Infringing on someone’s bodily autonomy is wrong and bad and there’s a lot to be said about it, especially because it is such a gendered issue. In addition, I don’t think there’s anything I can say about Overlord, Otto, and bodily autonomy that hasn’t been said by Black people and African American scholars about slavery, because slavery is Overlord’s goal here, just with more high-tech access to someone’s mind. BUT I Googled stuff about feudalism so we’re just going to note some things and their implications. In particular, the thing about feudalism is that the model is supposed to represent a system of reciprocity where everyone scratches backs to get what you wanted. Otto is not getting any reciprocal value for sacrificing his body—being at the bottom of a pyramid always means you get the worst deal—but the thing about feudal systems is that it doesn’t work out well when there isn’t a large base of peasant labor. Initially, Overlord plans to do this with clones, but over the course of the series we see that Overlord can actually use any human body that he wants. Overlord is entitled to ALL people, ALL bodies, ALL property, because all bodies owe him loyalty (by nature of being a superior being).

(That said, Wikipedia also notes that there is debate as to whether the feudal system is an appropriate construct for medieval political situations at all, because today’s scholars are just trying to make sense of something that is chaotic and old-timey. In the same way, I am definitely reaching in this analysis, and furthermore trying to impose a hierarchy on something that we just can’t understand. It’s clear that H.I.V.E. argues that humanity can thrive in a body where biological brains and computer technology are merged; however, we have absolutely no idea what it would be like to have a separate entity trying to erase your consciousness. It’s enough to say that, like a feudal lord, Overlord demands the use of his property (i.e. Otto’s body), but that the actual experience of being deleted is currently impossible to describe.)

Overlord’s feudal superiority is chaotic and about reciprocal relationships that don’t pan out for the little guy. H.I.V.E.mind, meanwhile—despite the fact that he is named for a condition that stifles individuality—is fully committed to Otto’s bodily autonomy, which is what makes his character so heroic. 

“He is still here, Otto, inside me, inside you,” H.I.V.E.mind explained. “There is only one way to ensure that Overlord is destroyed. You must delete us both while I still maintain control and can allow you to do it.”

“No,” Otto said desperately. “There has to be another way!”

“I am afraid not,” H.I.V.E.mind replied. “This is your mind, Otto, your body; no one but you has any right to be here. You can will us out of existence as long as I can suppress Overlord, but the moment that control slips, and it will, he will return and destroy you, me, and then every living thing he encounters” (331). 

Here, H.I.V.E.mind informs Otto that he must die to kill Overlord, and that this is the right thing to do. This is an interesting, weirdly contradictory moment in the series because it is arguably the closest thing to an actual hive mind present in the series. For a few moments, Overlord, H.I.V.E.mind, and Otto occupy the same space of consciousness, and it seems as though they could potentially absorb each other to create one weird type of being. In one sense, this would be the ultimate gathering of individuals, a form of service that might appeal to a computerized person like H.I.V.E.mind. But he doesn’t. He says, “Otto, this is yours. Take it.”

Part of this, of course, is the moral imperative to destroy Overlord. Overlord’s existence puts the safety of the world at stake, and so it is not just a matter of protecting Otto’s autonomy but also the autonomy of every person on the planet. That H.I.V.E.mind would sacrifice himself to protect everyone is part of that heroism I was referring to earlier.

I just keep thinking about this scene because I wonder—is H.I.V.E.mind rejecting the principles of a hive mind, or is he upholding the best of values for living in a collective community? In my previous post, I noted that H.I.V.E. functions as a place where a bunch of people all come together with a collective purpose that can alienate individuals, suggesting that high school is like a soft hive mind that we all belong to for a while. But what if society was a hive mind? What if we were all, in some form, made of the same stuff as everyone else, and so everyone else deserved protection because “them” and “us” are arbitrary boundaries?

Assuming that is the case, H.I.V.E.mind upholds Otto’s individual bodily autonomy and in so doing upholds the very fabric of society. It’s a contradiction, and even here at the end of things I don’t feel like it makes sense. Even so, it is clear that Overlord is about protecting the individual—the glory of himself is the key thing that demands all attention. Meanwhile, H.I.V.E.mind is about protecting the group, the gathering of things, and because Big Blue defends Otto’s right to his body, he stays “gathered” amid the collective of family and friends who have adopted him at H.I.V.E. 

And I love that soooooooooooooo much.