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#and seeing my absolute favorite game actually caring for who i feel i am really makes me wanna cry tears of absolute joy
soona-kit · 10 months
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honestly i wish people could realize how much this first skypainting event really means to me
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call-sign-jinx · 5 months
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Spencer Reid X Reader - "You are smarter than me."
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summary: there's a competition between you and reid about who is smarter than who. when he finally confesses something y/n can't get it out of her head so confronts reid about it.
warnings: unknown pining (reader was too busy trying to one up spencer), swearing, making out
a/n: hey girliessss! av jus started watching criminal minds and i love spencer's character! don't know if this is completely accurate of his character so pls don't come for me 😂😂 anywaysssss enjoyyyyy xx
spencer reid x fem!reader
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Spencer Reid was and still very much is a pain in my arse. We both have IQs of 187, able to read 20,000 words per minute, have 3 PhDs and he thinks it's a competition, but I'm smart enough to know that if we actually put our smarts together then we'd make an unstoppable team for the BAU. However, he thinks it's a stupid competition of who is actually smarter.
So instead of being a normal human being and talking things through with Reid, I decided to play his little game because I've grown to absolutely love pissing him off. It's become my new favorite hobby.
"This guy seems to be a complete psychopath, he shows barely any sympathy. He only has a few close relationships with people, but he even takes advantage of them." Reid says as we're talking about the new guy we're profiling. However, this reminded me of something. Reid is explaining a sociopath, not a psychopath.
"Actually, Reid, you're describing a sociopath. Psychopaths have no empathy while sociopaths have some empathy. And this sociopath we're dealing with has a few close bonds with few people. However, psychopaths have no close bonds with anyone, as they find people easy to manipulate and just a little puppet. The guy we're dealing with enjoys hurting people for personal gain, not enjoyment like a psychopath would." Reid's facial expression makes me grin. He's pissed.
"Good work Y/N." Gideon pats my shoulder as he walks away to get a cup of coffee.
I give Reid a smug look as I go towards the little breakroom. I can feel him quickly following after me, God I love pissing him off, kind of makes me forget that he's so good-looking.
As I get to the breakroom, it's empty, I go towards the cupboard and grab my special mug with little daisies all over the mug with a light blue background. I put a tea bag in the mug and go to put the kettle on but Reid gets in the way.
"Care to move out of the way Reid?" I say as politely as I can but it's hard with the look on his face, I can tell he's angry angry.
"Care to stop making me look like a dumbass?" His jaw tensed as I smirked at how pissed he was.
"Maybe educate yourself a little more then you'd stop looking like a dumbass. It's not my fault I'm smarter than you. One day you're just going to have to deal with it." Reid seems to be getting angrier and angrier with every word I say.
"You are not smarter than me Y/L/N. Just because we have the same IQ, both have 3 PhDs - in which one of them is practically useless - and can read 20,000 words per minute does not mean you're even as smart as me." Reid's tone reeks with venom laced in every word.
"Actually, my degree in biochemistry may be useless to you. But, it's not as useless as you think because it's helped solve cases faster than without my biochemistry PhD. So you are yet again wrong." My smug grin only becomes bigger as I correct him for the 4th time this week. It's Monday.
For once, Reid was absolutely speechless. Not really the reaction I was looking for. And on top of that, his facial expression was calm. Makes me feel uneasy. Very uneasy.
"You know what Y/N. I'm just going to end this right now. You are smarter than me. And you want to know why I'm admitting all of this right now? Because I am tired of pretending that we don't want each other. I'm tired of pretending not to see the look on your face when I'm wearing that particular shirt that I know you like." My breathe hitches at even the slightest mention of that shirt, he always looks so damn good in it. "And I know you're getting tired of it too, especially because of the glances you send my way from your desk." He was now inches away from my face, his breathe fanning against my ear.
As he finished talking, he pulled his face away gave me a small knowing smile and walked out of the room. I was flabbergasted. Reid wanted me? Like in that way?
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For the rest of the day, I stared at the case files. What Reid said took me aback. Not even I knew how I felt about him until he mentioned all those things.
I was taken out of my trance when someone knocked at the door. "Come in." I sigh as I lean back in my chair. When the door opens, I see JJ.
"JJ, what's up?" JJ sits down in the chair opposite mine. She has a warm smile on her face as we make eye contact.
"We've cracked the case! It wasn't the husband who killed her. It was the gardener because he was having an affair with the husband and wanted the husband all for himself!" JJ was ecstatic, it took us almost 3 weeks to crack this case.
"How did you figure it out?" I leaned on my desk, almost as happy as JJ finding out that we cracked the case.
"Wasn't me, it was you." I leaned back in my chair in shock.
"Me? What did I do?" JJ smiled and leaned forward on my desk.
"Reid told us that your correction to his mistake helped him find out that the gardener was a diagnosed sociopath and the only person who fit the description. At first the gardener wasn't even considered by how well he and the husband covered up their affair!" I leaned back in my chair, guess Reid really meant it when he said our 'competition' was over.
"Glad I was able to help." I had a small awkward smile on my face, the mention of Reid reminded me of what he had said to me earlier.
"Also, we're all going out to celebrate. The bar 2 blocks from your apartment building. 8 o'clock." She smiles at me before closing the door.
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As I arrived at the bar, everyone was there. JJ, Garcia, Morgan, Gideon, Hotchner, Greenaway. And Reid. God why did he have to look so good? The way he styled his hair, the clothes he wore, the way he presented himself.
I made my way to JJ and Garcia who, from what I heard on my way over, were talking about how buzzed they were about solving the murder.
"Y/N! Heard you were the one who solved the case! Well done! Proud of you flower!" Garcia hugged me, I looked over her shoulder to see Reid staring at me, he had a look on his face that I couldn't pinpoint and haven't ever seen before. Especially not on his face.
"Thank you. It was Reid who helped me actually. If he didn't make a small error I wouldn't have even mentioned that the killer was a sociopath." I tucked some hair behind my ear as I smiled shyly.
"Reid told us you'd say that. Speaking of, how come you and Reid are giving the credit to each other? Usually you both argue for the credit." JJ had a suspicious look on her face as Garcia stated this.
"We just had a chat in the breakroom and decided it was the adult thing to do and stop our little competition we had going on." JJ and Garcia wasn't convinced but they nodded their heads anyway.
As the night went on, everyone except for me and Reid got drunk. Because I don't really like being around drunk people, I sat in a booth away from everyone else.
I was looking through Instagram on my phone when I felt the seat next to me dip with someone's weight. I looked up from my phone to see Reid next to me.
"Hey Reid, what's up?" Reid had the same look on his face from earlier. Made heat rush straight to my face.
"You still thinking about what I said earlier?" He rested his face on his hand as he stared at me intently. The heat in my face only grew more as he spoke. I never noticed how much I actually like the sound of his voice.
"What exactly did you say Reid?" I tease him a little bit. I remember exactly what he said. Word. For. Fucking. Word.
"Please don't make me say it again, I had a sudden urge of confidence in that moment and just then." He leaned back and looked at me pleadingly.
It made me giggle. How introverted he is but when he wants to be he can be the most extroverted person ever.
"Don't worry love, I remember and cannot stop thinking about what you said." I leaned closer to him, leaving just a few inches between our faces.
"R-really? I... I-I was kind of hoping you wouldn't." He had an awkward and embarrassed look on his face.
"And why's that?" I lean slightly closer, I can feel his breathe quicken.
"B-because you obviously don't feel the same way, the way you oppose me every chance you get, the way you look at me when I correct you, the tone of voice you use when you speak to me. The facts are there Y/N, to anyone it'd seem like you almost hate me in a way." When Reid was stating the facts I felt horrible, he thought I hated him. I could never hate him, I just hate when people correct me.
"Spencer. I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I just hate when someone corrects me. Especially when we're in front of other people that I care about the opinions of. It's because when someone corrects me, I feel like a failure. When it used to happen in school, I'd always go red in the face and want to curl up in a ball. It's nothing against you Spencer." Reid's face lit up.
"That's the first time you've used my first name. And you used it twice!" He had the biggest smile on his face.
"That's all you could focus on?" I chuckle and lean back then forward again.
"Well not actually, but it's a huge thing because we've known each other for years and you've always called me Reid because we've always had this sort of rivalry going on-"
"Shut up and kiss me Reid." I say before placing both my hands on his cheeks and connecting our lips. He kissed me back after quickly processing what I just did.
His hand went to my waist shortly after to pull me closer. His other hand went to my neck and pushed my head closer to his. The kiss was desperate but also freeing.
We eventually pulled away to catch our breath and giggled like school children as we made eye contact.
"I guess the facts are not there." He breathed out a chuckle, his hands staying where he had placed them, not wanting to let go. Of me. Of this moment.
"Guess you don't know everything Spencer." I had a smug smile on my face. He rolled his eyes before he peppers my face with kisses.
"You have always been such an ass Y/L/N." I mock an offended look on my face and place my hand on my heart.
"Such a hurtful thing to say Reid." We both giggle as we lean in for another kiss.
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nexerist · 2 months
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Heyyyyy, so I got into writing since work hasn't given me time to actually work on my art. It will soon be resolved in a few weeks, then back to posting more often. I am making a comic again and almost done with it so I don't promise projects that won't come.
Enough about me, and let's get to you! This is a thunderstorm comfort I wrote a while back on AO3 and forgot to post it here. My collection is called Nebula Kisses. This one-shot can be seen as platonic or romantic, next one is more on the romance side but still can be platonic if you wish. But so I don't clog your feed, I'll post the next chapter tomorrow or later but within the week!
I also apologize for the weird formatting, this was written on my phone during the time so I don't have the fancy indents or proper grammar check.
Thank you for sticking around with my inconsistencies, I wish I had more time.
So much love,
Nexi
Breath |Sun/Moon x Scared!Reader|
[Power had gone out, leaving Sun and Moon to look for you in the dark. However, you are absolutely horrified of thunderstorms.]
The daycare was lit up during the town wide blackout. The rumbling generators along with the constant loop of the daycare music, Sunnydrop was busy awaiting got his favorite visitor. Who might that be, well none other than the security guard who is ordered to look out for the lobby, green rooms, and of course, the daycare. Y/N is what they call themselves, which Sunny really liked that when they mentioned it to him, he walked around repeating it like a song.
But they were late, a half hour late. He taps his foot impatiently, he checks the attendance and sees that they did clock in. What were they doing? Did they get lost? It's impossible to miss his big daycare! Surely you didn't forget either, his lovely face was everywhere, that had to remind you to check on him.
A quiet rumble of the storm outside rang through the building. According to the weather, it was going to be a rough and long storm ahead. Heard it was going to last until morning.
Sun, getting impatient, decided to look for them himself. Feeling confident, he takes his long strides to the daycare door, his hand reaching for the door knob. He felt himself pause for just a moment. He hasn't really left daycare, not that he can't leave, but it was risky. Last time he left was to take care of that rulebreaker and set up some banned signs around Kids Cove, but that was the furthest he went in a very long time. Sun was still very angry about it, but it did reopen the daycare after Freddy left. So maybe he should forgive him? Nah, he needs to apologize first.
Sun shakes his head, he was getting off track. He opens the daycare door, mind back on his mission. To find his Starshine. He takes his long strides, making sure to stay near the light and flashing signs. The easy part was now over as he got to the entrance door that faced the slide back into his daycare.
As soon as he opened the door with great confidence, he saw that is was pitch black. Maybe his friend did get lost, with this darkness and no flashlight, it would be nearly impossible to find him! Not taking into consideration of muscle and location memory. He felt Moon stirring from inside.
“Moon, sorry to wake you up from your nap. Our dear friend is missing and I had hope to do it myself! But uh... Looks like I can't do much.” He spoke aloud. Silence rang through his head, awaiting for his alter ego to speak.
Moon was recently having a fit, and not talking. This happened since Eclipse disappeared into the arcade cabinet when he was playing that discount floppy bird game. Moon had tried to get him out by playing the game, but something happened to him too. He became mostly unresponsive, giving out short phrases or sentences.
Sun would hear his alter giggle, which relieved Sun that Moon was at least in a good mood. Sun takes in a false breath of courage and walked into the dark. If he could close his eyes, he would've. The familiar pain in his face shocked through him, making him grab at it. He feels his rays click into his head on at a time, unlocking his chest compartment which his infamous hat was held in. It started from his fingers, the oranges and silver turned to white and blue.
Sun felt himself pull back and release control. He now stood outside and watched Moon take his hat and place it up on his head. Moon crouched down and stretches his legs, then start crawling on the floor towards the wall. Sun, not wanting to be alone, would do his best to follow.
“Little Star has gone missing.” Is what Moon would say before climbing up the wall and opening a vent to crawl through. He started to giggle and cackle, it echoing through the building and alerting that Moon was out early. The glamrocks retreating to their green rooms as to not go to parts and services.
*×*×*×*×*×*
You had entered the building on time, rarely ever late. Today has been storming hard, the rain pattering hard on the glass of the lobby entrance. Things were up and normal, doing your normal tasks. Checked stock, picked up any lost and found items to either throw away or await for the owner to come in the next day to pick it up. As you head into lost and found, that was when you heard it. It started as a small rumble before the sky roared a building shaking thunder, knocking the power out.
You have always been afraid of thunder since you were young. Not that you could explain it to anyone without the fear of being made fun of for a childish fear. It wasn't childish to you, it was real, the sense of dread and fear that paralyzed you proved it. You drop to the floor, staying as close to the ground as you could. If you could just find your flashlight, you had to crawl around a bit to then heard another rumble.
It took your breath away, your hands shaking as you retrieve the flashlight. Trying to find some solace in the light, you put your thumb on the switch and pushed up. Click. Click-click. Nothing. The flashlight, so cheap that it doesn't even last a hour with full charge, was dead and the charging stations were down. You were in the dark, the loud storm rattling the outside shutter doors, making it very loud and overwhelming.
You grab a blanket from the shelf and put it over you and your head. It just felt safer when surrounded by the soft fabric. Peaking through the opening, you hesitantly get on your feet again. You still had a job to do, but it was going to be slower. You would like your paycheck still and you knew how stingy the company was, taking your panic and finding a way to no pay you.
You would manage to get out of lost and found in the dark. On your way out, a little glow in the dark Monty was resting in a stroller. It must've been left behind but picking it up, it still had its tag and security pin. Rather, someone tried to steal it. It did produce light, enough to get around at least. However, these toys don't glow in the dark for too long. Got maybe, a solid twenty minutes? It's been dark for five, so fifteen. You did your best to scamper to the green rooms and peak around.
You arrive and you see the famous glamrocks interacting with each other. Monty with Roxy and Chica, heading back towards their respective rooms. Monty had taken over as temporary lead as they remade a new Freddy. They did have to use the scraped Mr. Hippo glamrock to fill the fourth spot. Your train of thought was cut off as another loud crash of thunder rang through the building. You huddle against a corner and put the blanket over your head again.
“Why... Why now... Why can't you come when it was after work...” You mutter as you croutch down and felt tears prick your eyes. Another crash finally made you crack, you try to hold back your tears but they started to stream down your face. All you felt was dread, paralyzing fear that. You wanted to scream in fear but that would reveal your fear. You try to be fearless, not let anything bother you. When you first met Sun and Moon, they were rather surprised that you approached them. You had a fascination with how they acted and looked. It was endearing, when you took the time to watch them and interact that even under their rough attitude and words, they were lonely.
Lonely.
Another crash, you were shaking and on the ground. Hands over your ears and a quiet sobbing from your blanket shell. You were too scared to notice the vent opening and the giggling of a certain jester. One with the Moon rather than the sun. The jester made his round, single red eye darting around to find something. Then he hears the sobbing, unfamiliar to his sensors. Crawling over, he finds the shaking blanket of which the sobbing came from. When he lifted the blanket that was when he saw you. Your glow in the dark Monty plush was almost out of glow, leaving you in almost pure darkness.
Moon was all you saw now, his eye lit up the small space. He tilts his head in confusion.
“Why is Little Star hiding? No monsters are here, just Moon” He spoke, unsure to react to the crying. You quickly wipe your face and sniffle, putting up your strong front.
“Cause uhh, I was playing a game..?” You made it sound more like a question than an answer. Of course, it was a lie, so Moon leaned closer.
“Then why cry? Liar, liar I hate liars. Speak truth.” Moon wipes a tear from your cheek. But as you go to answer, the loudest crash of thunder lands. It shook the building again, making the lights flicker and power back off. You yelp and cling onto Moon. You try to get as close as you could, fingers slipping a tad just for you to scramble to get your grip. You breathing escalated and felt the verge of hyperventilation. You weren't expecting anything from Moon, never was the touchy one unlike Sun who couldn't stop having tiny touches and bumps.
But you then felt mechanical arms wrap around you. He sat down and pulled you onto his lap, cradling you close to him. He gently rocks back and fourth, winding his broken chest music box. He was taking nap time protocol with some modifications. His broken music box plays a soft tune, though in some places it wobbled.
“Breathe. Deep breaths. It will be okay..” Moon whispers. You try to follow his instructions, still freaking out. Your shaking breath and hiccups try to find a rhythm. Moon rests his blue hand and rubs gently up and down your back. It was slow. “Breathe in..” He whispers, his hand gliding up slowly, helping you follow. You take a shuttering breath in, slow like his hand. It stops, in which you held your breath. “Breathe out...” His hand runs back down and you sigh out. It was then looped
Moon would then carry you, you holding onto him with your legs around his thin waist, him with a arm under you and one on your back to keep the rhythm going. He adjusted the blanket to keep it over your head.
He arrives back to the door of the daycare, avoiding the light, he hooked his arm around the wall to find the light switch to turn off the lights. He finds it and flicks it off, hearing the buzzing electricity stop. He peeks in to make sure and then walks in. He takes the long way around and gets inside the daycare. He would have the fly hook attach to his back and he glides over to his and Sun's tower.
“... Moon..? Why are we here..?” You asked, hearing the rumble again and wincing at the noise. Moon would hold you close as he goes back to crawling. He crawls through a small hole off to the side and see that it was a small hiding place. There was boxes, drawings, a mattress with a few pillows. There was also an arcade cabinet in the corner with the screen busted.
“Hide away, storm won't follow here.. Safe here..” He crawls onto the mattress and lays you next to him. The rumbles of the storms were dampened, making it barely audible. With the help of Moon's music box as well, he pets your head.
“... Thank you.” You mumble out, only for Moon respond with a fake click of his tongue. He giggled a bit and curled up around you, his legs are under yours, making you rest yours on top of his. You both cuddle up under the blanket, Moon rubbing your back to keep the deep breath rhythm.
A very loud roar of the sky fills the room, and you both tense up and huddle. A few more tears fall and Moon quickly wipes them away. It was the first time you would ever see Moon have a slight shake in his hand. He was afraid too, of thunder and storms. He was able to repress his fear as his tip top priority was to make sure you were okay first. But he felt as if he needed to keep up this false confidence that you could remain calm.
You mimic his movements, running your hand on his back in a soothing motion.
“Breathe...” You both say at the same time. You get as close as you two could and comforted each other. Moon pecks the top of your head. He felt safe with you, and you felt safe with him. For someone as reclusive as Moon, this was a good bonding experience that neither of you would forget.
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lutawolf · 6 months
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My Dear Gangster Oppa Commentary Ep 4
If you haven't seen my other commentary, you can find it here.
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This makes me sad because what was special for Tew was the fact that Guy wasn't afraid of him. But here he is, afraid. Which clearly is upsetting to Tew.
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As soon as Guy opens his eyes, they are drawn to the gun wound scar. The face that Tew gives him then...
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And Guy's concern, then confusion. So much emotion in one frame.
Now they are sitting and communicating. Tew tells Guy that he didn't tell him that he was scared that it would put Guy in danger. Which confuses me because not knowing, knowing, is there really a difference in danger level?
Tew starts to explain his past and his joy of playing video game. Then his home life. While not rich, he had a loving father. Who clearly raised him right because he is so well-mannered. Oh no! Cough with blood.  
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Damn... I was really hoping he would kick their asses, and get home to his dad.
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I mean, we knew it was coming, but the fact that he didn't get to say goodbye. Oh damn, that really explains the previous episode where he came to meet Guy to say goodbye before his trip.
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Ohhhh, Tew looks scary now.
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OH! Who called it?!?!
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And then he is shot!!! What!?!? I was not expecting that. Nor was I expecting the next part. I was kind of expecting him to have been forced into killing. Interesting. I wonder if Wish John Lennon was one of these kids???
So while bad boy is a rebel with a cause, he still a rebel. Then he just lays down to die.
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I think it's safe to say that home dude was not thinking that day.
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I think Guy gets it, but it will be interesting to see if he accepts it. He at least isn't scared of Tew anymore. Butt he more Tew explains, the more clearly you can see he is an anti-hero. Won't go so far as to call him a villain butttttt. He is no hero. Yay!!! This is my favorite type of character!
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I am not sure what to think of the mob boss. He is putting a lot of trust into a kid, but he also appears to be giving him the keys to revenge. He is an interesting character to say the least.
The rules seem simple enough. No lying and no betrayal.
"Once you touch a gun. There is no going back to a normal life"
Then, Tew gives a little smirk and says that he doesn't plan on going back to a normal life anyway.
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And Guy is seeing this. I think it's interesting because for some reason Tew really expected that Guy would absolutely understand. He is pretty spot on because Guy does understand.
Really Guy... You are going to be butt hurt over the restaurant lie??? I mean, I actually get where Guy is coming from. I'm just thinking it's funny to pick that after hearing Tew's story.
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It apparently was not what Tew was expecting Guy to be upset about either. His face says he is completely dumbfounded. Honestly, in my opinion, Guy is latching onto something to use so he can run scared. I don't think he is scared of Tew, but of his own feelings that are happening too fast. I could be completely off base, but that's what I see from how he is acting and reacting.
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Boy up in his feels getting sloppy drunk. Other boy is being emo in his bed. What a pair.
Oh, no! Boss man is not okay with the fake restaurant.
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Home dude is not right in the head, is he?
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I'll say it again. Mob boss daddy is interesting. He cares about Tew, but he isn't a push over.
I'm suspicious... How is a regular dude off the street not scared when goons show up???
Again, not a push over.
Now back to emo boy with his bed and his fish. Damn it Guy! That was a shit move to do to your guild!!! And his first thoughts when there is a knock at the door is Tew. That should tell you something, Guy! You're running from your feelings. Coward!
Nope. It's jackass Wahl, who I just know has something to do with stirring up shit. I know. He seems sweet, but how can he not tell that his bestie is upset??? Wahl is just too selfish for me to like him. I tried to like him, I really did, but I don't like selfish besties.
Discount Lennon out here trying to drown people.
See, I told you that Wahl was where this bullshit all started. He is being so condescending. Saying he is the most important person to him but then ditching him all the time. I really hope, at some point, Tew beats him up.
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Did he drown him???
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We're back to the guessing game of: Dead or Passed Out??? (If you said that in a game host voice, give yourself ten points.)
Oh! Not dead! Ohhhhh, another pissing contest in the wild!
I refuse to believe that Tew is that stupid... I hate Wahl because I feel like he is going to get a call from his gf and just leave Guy like he always does.
Ahhh... Nice. Tew planned ahead. Never mind, I take it back. Tew is stupid. Don't lie to the boss, especially not for Wish Lennon.
I don't like the fall troupe when it's Guy and Wahl.... Just saying.
Please, please, let Tew beat him up.
Yes, I agree. You need to put an end to your feelings. Oh, wow! Wahl didn't ditch Guy, but Guy ditched Wahl!!!
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Sadly, though, Guy isn't answering Tew's phone calls either.
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I really think that Tew should take this opportunity given to him and beat up Wahl.
The wrong person got punched! That did not go the way that I wanted.
Guy ran home. I can respect that. Except the fact that he is acting like a two-year-old. Awww, bless him. Well, at least now he is realizing that he is running away from everything.
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Finally!!!
What does it say that Tew didn't stop till he found you Guy? LOVE, the communication going on. I love that Tew is calling out Guy, telling him that he feels this way and ran because he cares about him.
He called him little boy! And then gave him a real hug!!!
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Ahhh, Tew confessing. Hot damn! They are making up for that shitty ending last episode!
OH SHIT.... He is going to quit the gangster life... I'm scared.
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Never mind, we'll just shelve that concern for another day. Carry On. 💜💜💜
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acourtofinkandpapyrus · 7 months
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My Little Shadow: Part Nine (Azriel x Reader)
Warnings: Teasing and mentions of reading smutty books!
Part eight Part ten
Tag list: @mis-lil-red @bubybubsters @luvmoo
After some time to adjust to Velaris, Y/N makes a revelation while training with Azriel...
Also, I'm sad to say my posting schedule will be slowing down a bit. Even if they're a bit shorter, I promise to keep getting this series out to you guys!
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It had been two months since I had joined this lovely court, and everything had been going well.  More than well, actually.  Noone could get me to admit it, but I was happier than I had ever been before.
Stella and I had a small home, which when Azriel apologized about the size, and said that they’d have something more suitable for a family of two, I hadn’t cared.
I had just grinned at him and told him it was perfect.
And it was, since I had never had a place where I didn’t have to fear someone barging in on me, or locking me inside for weeks.
Not only that, but I had made friends.
Cassian’s training was absolutely insane, and when we started, I felt like my bones were going to snap into pieces, but Nesta had given me good advice, and eventually I was part of her small friend group.
I liked them, I also loved the tiny book club of which I was now part of.
I had also found myself a… an acquaintance of Amren, the female I had been so interested in before.  I wouldn’t say friends, because we never talk, but neither of us mind hanging out, so that’s nice.
Azriel has been helping us train with my shadows, and I have to admit, it’s the favorite part of my day.  Everyone says I can’t actually go out and start spying until Azriel deems me ready.
“You need to keep your balance.”  Azriel hissed.
Oh, did I also mention he’s a complete hardass during training?
“That’s hard to do when the wind is hitting you like a ton of bricks!”  I half shriek as I almost fall off the rock again.
We had been doing this for three days, and I still haven’t been able to stand with only one foot on the rock.  I might have been able to if there wasn’t so much wind but…
“I thought you were supposed to be training me how to use my shadows!”  I shout over the wind, right before falling face first into the ground.
Azriel chuckles, and I get to my knees to shoot him a withering glare, but I can see he’s by my pack, reading the most recent book from our little book club.
I’m blushing heavily as he raised an eyebrow at me.  “This fell out of your pack when you threw it down.  I thought I’d do some reading.”
I tried not to think of the many possible scenes he could be reading right now, the ones that still made me blush when I read them.
Talking to Morrigan, I had accidently let it slip that I was a virgin, and that I didn’t know about any of that stuff at all, really.
Somehow that had made it back to Nesta, Gwyn, and Emerie, who then picked me out the most… detailed books in their collection.
And now Azriel was reading that book, looking up at me with a sly grin.
Azriel was fun.  He teased and taunted me in ways that didn’t feel like he was picking me apart.  And I liked to spar with him in this way, little snarky remarks back and forth.  HAlf of the things I say would have gotten me strung up at home.
“I am teaching you to use your shadows.  You’re just not understanding the assignment.”  He said, flipping the page as his eyebrows shot up.
I can’t help that my face is bright red as I try to speak, my voice coming out stiff, “What do you mean I don’t understand the assignment?  What do my shadows have to do with balancing on rocks?”
He sighed, tossing the book aside to my relief.  “What do you use your shadows for Y/N?”
I study him, trying to figure out his game.  “They help me spy sometimes, but for the most part they stay with me, hiding me when need be and otherwise they stay with me.”
To prove what I had just told him, I beckon them forth, and they appear by my side.  I tried not to smile, thinking we were finally going to start some real training.
He snorted.  “It’s good to at least know they’re here.  Now go balance on that rock again.”
I try not to gape at him, and I was about to give him a piece of my mind, but my shadows have other ideas.
I gasp a little bit as they pull me over to the rock again, and I quickly relent, sighing as I perch atop it once again.
Looking down at my shadows, which seemed to be encouraging me, it suddenly hit me what Azriel wanted.
I’m tempted not to do it, just to spite him.
But my legs are tired, and if this means moving on in our training, then mother help me I would jump off a cliff at this point.
My shadows follow my lead, helping me balance against the wind, and suddenly it’s not a struggle at all to stay upright.
Azriel appears from around the corner, smirking.  “There we go little shadow.”
I shoot him a glare, and he just laughs.
Watching him laugh, my heart flutters a bit, my cheeks turn pink and I struggle to breathe-
I almost fall off the rock as I realize what’s going on to my horror.
I was falling in love with him.
125 notes · View notes
case-of-traxits · 5 months
Note
50 Random Character Asks:
Tseng, 1 - 50
You know you had this coming.
50 Random Character Asks: Tseng Edition
I can't even pretend to be surprised here, can I? Well, I got your second ask with your choices as well, so they're in here. 💖
50 questions. Whew. I'll give you guys a sampler on the first one, but the rest are going to be under a cut. This took me SO LONG to do. I've literally been working on it since the 17th! All together, there's 4934 words in this bad boy, excluding the questions.
So uh. Enjoy nearly 5k of meta about Tseng. XD
That said, please keep in mind that all of my answers are specific to how I personally write Tseng. I'm not going to necessarily distinguish every piece of canon from headcanon.
[For this ask game!] || [Still accepting]
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1. Canon I outright reject
That Tseng knew Zack was being kept in Nibelheim. For me, it just doesn't work with the rest of Tseng's arc regarding Zack and Aerith and him keeping all of those letters. So. No. Technically, in BC, Tseng is aware that Zack and Cloud are both alive and badly injured, and Hojo orders for him to "prepare the mansion," but never actually says what he's going to be doing there. Tseng sends the Player Turk to clear it out, and then Veld shows up and sends all of the Turks to work on handling the townspeople and everything instead of the mansion. So it's entirely possible that Tseng never knew, according to BC, that Zack and Cloud were placed in those tubes in the basement.
2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on
Tseng is absolutely capable of slapping Aerith.  I realize that they took that out of the Remake, but I just feel like it's critical for his character for you to know that he is absolutely capable of that level of violence, even against someone he cares about.
3. Obscure headcanon
Tseng is the third (and youngest) son of Kisaragi Godo's older brother, who was emperor during the Wutaian War.  He was brought up in one of the Leviathan Temples to keep him as an effective (and safe) spare to the throne before he defected to Shinra. His forehead marking is a holdover from his time in the Temple, and he'll never admit to a single soul that sometimes, he feels the guiding hand of destiny (or fate or whatever you want to call it) in his life.
4. Favorite line
"It must have been a real thrill for you… Did you enjoy it?" I think this is everyone's favorite canon line.  With the possible exception of the "Mr. President," line from the Remake. That one's pretty damn good, but it requires actual explanation, doesn't it? XD I will say, he also has the canon line of, "I put everyone else at risk because I feared feeling guilty," in BC.  Which is... telling.
5. Best personality trait
Tseng's loyalty is easily his best personality trait, in my opinion.  We see a lot of it in BC, with his dedication to trying to help and save both Veld and the department, as well as in CC, with his devotion to getting those letters to Zack.
6. Worst personality trait
Tseng's devotion to doing things "correctly" is definitely his worst personality trait.  I am firmly of the opinion that this is the thing that's held him back on just killing the President and installing Rufus early. I mean, I have no doubt that there is technically more to it, including the fact that we have no idea what kind of succession clause might have been put in place for Rufus to inherit.
7. Age/height/weight headcanon
Age // Born in 1975, so he is 8 years older than Rufus and Reno, 2 years older than Sephiroth, and 3 years younger than Reeve. Height // I usually go with 5'8", but I'm a little flexible on this. I'll go up to 5'10".  He cannot, however, be taller than Rufus for me. Weight // Eh, I don't really do weight HCs.
8. Unpopular opinion about them
Hm... Do I have an unpopular opinion about Tseng..?  I don't know that I interact with enough Tseng fans to know.  Maybe my insistence on him being fairly easy-going when he isn't at work?  I see Tseng as the sort who can go with the flow to some extent, mostly because I don't think he'd work as well with Reno if he wasn't.
9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character
Oh man, honestly?  This might be my unpopular opinion, but his "death" scene in the OG.  With Sephiroth.  And no, not just because of my ship goggles. But there's just so much implied trust there, at a point where Tseng probably shouldn't trust Sephiroth.  He just... He talks to Sephiroth like he's still sane, and Sephiroth cuts him down during it, and then he still drags himself back through the entire Temple of the Ancients to get to the entrance so that he can let AVALANCHE in.
10. Best moment on screen (or in the book)
 See above.  I just... I love that scene.  It's easily his best scene.
11. Faceclaim for the role
Satoh Takeru.
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12. Crack headcanon
So, I don't think I have a straight "crack" headcanon for Tseng.  I do have some crack-treated-seriously headcanons, including that he doesn't heal well magically (explaining why he spends so much more time in bandages and recovery than basically everyone else), and that if he's not friends with Reeve or in a romantic relationship with a partner who insists otherwise, he would live entirely on takeout. Tseng does not cook, in my opinion.  He's perfectly capable, but why?  He's spent years curating an extensive collection of takeout menus he considers acceptable food, and he eats exclusively from restaurants that have passed his very exacting standards. Ooh! And this: Tseng drives a small black sportscar at possibly dangerous speeds in Midgar.  It also has no plates, but there's not a cop in Midgar stupid enough to try to ticket it.
13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done
Possibly trusting Sephiroth when he ran into him at the Temple of the Ancients, but honestly, there was probably no way he was walking out of that anyway, right?  So excluding that... Probably, the actual 'dumbest' thing he canonically does is in BC, when he chooses to rescue a single lone reactor guard instead of destroying a ship full of weapons that Shinra can't afford to let get out.  That's definitely treated as his dumbest choice by the canon.
14. Most heroic moment
When he literally, while dying, drags himself through the Temple to make sure Aerith gets the keystone.
15. Worst thing they’ve ever done
I mean. He canonically murders people for his paycheck.  So probably that? Unless you're more offended by the 'abandoning his country' backstory, of course.
16. Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves
He will always wonder if he could have made a difference for Wutai if he'd fought for them instead of going to Midgar. Not that he regrets leaving.  He is fairly sure that he was always meant to be at Rufus' side.  But there's always that small, lingering thought.
17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them
I actually have an old fanmix that more or less I still use. That said, you can also add "Secret (Pretty Little Liars: The Perfectionists Theme)," covered by Denmark + Winter.
18. What they’d go to see a therapist about
I am going to read this is what he should see a therapist about because I'm pretty sure if he had to go see one, he would spend the entire session silent, watching the therapist and making them horribly uncomfortable. (Unless it's Angel, but she's one of @ladykf-writes' OCs that I gleefully borrow whenever I can.  She's a counselor specifically for Turks, and Tseng knows better than to try to argue with her.) Honestly though.  If Tseng were up to date on mental health, I think he'd need to see a therapist about his inability to be settled with anything less than perfection from himself.  And, you know, probably talk to them about the killing people thing.
19. Vices/bad habits
Tseng smokes.  It wasn't a habit he was in before Midgar, but while he was being 'debriefed,' he discovered that asking for a cigarette meant he got to go outside and see the sky and breathe the (admittedly not great) air.  However, due to him not healing super well magically and needing to actually recover naturally, he did eventually notice a cough and slight shortness of breath that he couldn't shake. So he tries not to smoke as much anymore.  Still, he does keep a pack of his clove cigarettes on him at all times.
20. Scars
Oh plenty. All the Turks have them, and Tseng has a few more than most given his difficulties in healing.
21. Drink of choice (not just alcoholic)
Alcoholic // Junami sake, served warm.  He has a few brands that he likes, most of which need to be imported from Wutai. Non-alcoholic // Caramel Macchiato with extra caramel and extra whip.  Not that he'd let anyone catch him ordering it.  He has a single barista that he goes to in the coffee shop in the Tower (her name is Peony), and she knows better than to call his order out.  Tseng's sweet tooth is something he keeps very much under wraps.
22. Best physical feature
I mean. How do you pick? He's gorgeous. Maybe his hair, but I have a weakness for beautiful hair.
23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like?
Vetiver. But that's probably just because I HC his cologne as having notes of vetiver in it.
24. Most annoying habit
According to Reeve, it's Tseng's uncanny way of reading you.  There's nothing more frustrating to him than Tseng's little, "And is that all?" sort of question because he knows that Tseng means, 'I know there's something else and here's your opportunity to tell me what it is before I go digging.'
25. 3 things they’d want to take with them if they were dropped off in the middle of nowhere
Assuming he is not allowed to bring his phone, and assuming that a backpack full of his usual supplies (he has one in his apartment, one in his car, and one in his office; he finds it unlikely he'd be caught somewhere without it) doesn't count as a single item, and assuming that he's not stripped of his usual clothes/gear when he's dropped off... 1 // A survival radio with a rechargeable battery. 2 // A waterproof map. 3 // A first aid kit. Really, he'd probably be fine even if dropped off with absolutely nothing, but trust me, he would not be happy about it.
26. What they would do if stuck in an elevator with [Lazard]
At first, there would be a long stretch of silence as they both studied the number display and then the elevator panel itself.  Lazard would be the first one to move, leaning forward to punch a few of the buttons, but once it was clear that the elevator was not moving, Tseng would sigh and tip his head back and study the ceiling. He's cataloging everything he needs to do, wondering briefly what he can hand off, what he could text some of the others about to ensure it's done in time.  Then he looks over at Lazard, who is sighing and pushing his hand through his hair. There's another few moments of silence before Lazard pushes the emergency call button, and after they're both reassured by the voice on the other end that maintenance is aware of the issue and working to restore functionality, Tseng slides down to sit.  Lazard looks over at him, then sighs and takes that as an invitation to do the same. "Do you think it's inappropriate to text Reeve?" And Tseng looks up at Lazard, a small, knowing smile on his lips.  "That depends," he murmurs.  "Do you actually want to get to that meeting?" Lazard chuckles, reaching up to rub the bridge of his nose slightly, and he looks back down at his phone.  After a moment, he lays it face down on his leg and tips his head back against the glass wall of the elevator, and he looks out over the city on display behind Tseng. Tseng notices he doesn't start texting. The silence is comfortable.  Companionable.  Neither of them have any stake in impressing one another, and there's no need to fill the silence with talking only for the sake of talking. Tseng supposes that they're lucky that it isn't winter.  Else they would have to sit much, much closer. A glance over at Lazard, who has taken off his glasses briefly to rub one of his eyes, and a little smile touches Tseng's lips. Not, he decides after a minute, that it would be a bad thing, necessarily.
27. Their guilty pleasure
Tseng loves sweets.  Basically all kinds, but he does have a particular weakness for good chocolate and good caramel.  His secret indulgence that he'll never admit to anyone who knows him is that sometimes, during the winter, he'll order a large hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and get a caramel drizzle on it from the coffee shop in the Tower. But only if his usual barista (Peony) is working.  Since she already knows his coffee order is something equally ridiculously sweet, he finds that to be less humiliating than adding someone else in on the loop.
28. How they feel about [Reeve]
Complicated.  On the one hand, Tseng and Reeve are always, always good friends when I write.  One of Tseng's first long, solo missions with the Turks (and I really should rewrite that fic with my current Tseng's backstory and clean up the prose a little) was to function as Reeve's escort on a reactor tour.  That's a minimum of two weeks if they're taking advantage of helicopters periodically, more often three full weeks of travel when Reeve drives the whole thing.  And of course, the driving is definitely Reeve's preference.  Reactor tours are practically the only vacation he takes. But there's no way you don't spend three weeks on a cross-planet roadtrip and don't end up very close to the person you spent all that time with in the car (unless, of course, it's terrible and you just want to murder them).  But at the same time, there are secrets between them that they both know they can't know about one another.  Reeve can't know all the gory details about Tseng's life as a Turk, and Tseng can't know about Reeve's... let's call it his uncanny knack with the reactors. Now, do I ship them? Honestly, yes, sometimes.  I mean, I usually pair off Tseng with Sephiroth and Reeve with either Lazard (if I want canon to happen for something later) or Genesis (if I'm wanting a fix-it), but I can absolutely ship Tseng with Reeve.  Honestly though, that's kind of an unfair question.  I can ship Tseng and Reeve with nearly anyone.
29. Eating habits
 If it weren't for Reeve's insistence on a weekly meal with him and Reeve's occasional order of groceries simply arriving at Tseng's apartment unannounced (he only really sends dry goods these days; produce and dairy get delivered by Reeve himself when Tseng invites him over), Tseng would live exclusively on takeout. Expensive takeout. But takeout nonetheless.
30. Sleeping habits
Tseng slept in a Midgardian style bed for about a week while he was in debriefing after he defected, but eventually, he took all of his blankets and everything and just started sleeping on the floor instead. Now, in his apartment in Upper Eight in the middle of Little Wutai, he's found someone who can make him a gloriously oversized futon, and his one "concession" to the Midgardian way of doing things is that he no longer puts his futon up every morning.  He has four futons to rotate between, with a veritable army of sheets and blankets for them that he's gotten as what he suspects is something akin to 'tribute' from some of the Little Wutai locals. He's done his best to make it clear that he's to be treated as anyone else in the community, but he's hardly going to refuse these things. Tseng sleeps lightly, waking up at basically any sort of unexpected sound, but he has the enviable ability to drift right back off.
31. If the had a tumblr what would it look like?
Honestly? It would be all precisely curated images/gifs of nature. Probably of waterfalls and rivers and creeks. But it would be immaculate. Perfectly tagged and maintained.
32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh
I don't know that it is guaranteed, but Reno's antics often get a smile or a chuckle out of Tseng; particularly so when someone is underestimating Reno in some way.  He has a tendency to find amusement in watching someone walk right into something they should have seen coming. That said, both Reeve and Rufus are also able to routinely get a smile out of him; Reeve because he's just so warm that Tseng can't help but to smile back and Rufus because, well, to be perfectly frank, he's a sassy little shit sometimes and Tseng loves that about him. (For the record, Aerith also often fits in that "sassy little shit" box, but Tseng does his best not to let her see him smile, or else she'll take it as encouragement.) If we're talking about something other than people though, the sort of thing that will routinely get a smile out of Tseng is people watching.  He likes sitting on a bench in the Tower or in Midgar in general and just... watching people go by. It helps him feel grounded in the world.
33. Something guaranteed to make them cry
I don't know that anything specific is guaranteed to make him cry.  He's very much a 'buckle down and take care of things,' sort of guy instead of the emotional reaction sort of guy. That said, he doesn't handle it well after Nibelheim.  Even if he's not in a relationship with Sephiroth, the whole mess of 'handling' the survivors and realizing just how far the President will go to keep himself in power and the uncertainty of what's going on with Veld and with AVALANCHE and just... It's isn't pretty.
34. How they react when they are feeling [excited]
Tseng has, as a general rule, muted outward emotional tells for anything he's feeling.  It was trained into him when he was at the Temple, both as a potential heir to the throne as well as because he was being trained to be a priest.  That said, when he's genuinely excited about something and not just 'looking forward' to it, someone who knows him can tell. He's distracted from other things.  And sometimes, if you're talking to him and he's excited about something, he might ask you to repeat yourself. Not like, "Oh, I didn't hear you, what?" But you'll get a lot more of those little noncommittal "Mm?" sounds out of him. Unless you're talking about the thing he's excited about.  In that case, you'll have his complete attention, and his usually small, amused smiles (the smug ones; you know the ones) are a bit bigger, more genuine and, dare I say it, softer.
35. Their idea of a perfect day
Tseng's idea of a perfect day... well, to some extent, that varies based on where we are in the timeline and if he's in a romantic relationship, but in general, his idea of the perfect day is as follows: Nothing disastrous happens. Barring that, he'll settle for: Anything disastrous that did happen was handled.  Appropriately. In all seriousness, Tseng is very much the sort who focuses on living each day as though he won't have another, and he doesn't let himself indulge much in idle fantasies. He's much more interested in perfect moments.  A good morning run with someone he likes.  An effective training session with one of the other Turks.  Watching someone grasp something that he's been teaching them.  An evening walk with someone he loves.  Sharing a ridiculously rich chocolate cake with them afterwards.  That sort of thing.
36. Their favorite season
Tseng's favorite season in Midgar is fall, when there's a near constant wind coming off the mountains.  It can be difficult to track the seasons in Midgar, since there's not much by way of greenery, but fall means a cool wind that helps disperse some of the excess heat that comes off the Plate under his feet. Back in Wutai, his favorite season was summer.  He liked watching the fireflies in the dusk at the Temple, and no small part of him misses that.
37. What they really think about themselves
Deep down, no matter what else, Tseng knows that he is an oathbreaker.  He can justify it to himself or dress it up all he wants, but he knows that his father, that his brothers, that his country counted on him, and he walked away.  He abandoned everything he'd ever known and walked into the camp of the enemy and swore to help them instead. It's part of why his loyalty is so fiercely held now, and part of why he's so careful to be as pristine and perfect at what he does as is possible. He knows what his family— had they survived the war— would have said.  Once an oathbreaker, always an oathbreaker, and now, he's tied to the oaths he has made in a way that he wouldn't be if he hadn't defected, because he's terrified that they would be right. That puts him in the position of conflicting loyalties, and why he is so careful not to make promises once he's in Midgar.  His first loyalty is to Rufus now, his second to the rest of the Turks, and if there's anything that keeps him awake at night, it's how he's supposed to juggle the additional loyalties that he's found himself collecting (Aerith, Reeve, Zack, Sephiroth, Veld, Reno, etc.).
38. Favorite holiday
Valentine's Day.  Or, to be more exact, the day after.  When Tseng can get a box of very nice chocolates for extremely cheap. XD No, in all seriousness, Tseng quite likes the Midgar celebration of the dead, All Hallow's Eve, with the fixation on costumes and frightening people.  He finds it fascinating for a culture that spends so much of its time not talking about the dead.
39. Favorite game
Tseng likes card games.  He's good at them for the most part, and in fact, when he first defected and arrived in the SOLDIER camp, he realized very quickly that his traditional Wutaian garb was only going to keep him Othered.  So he learned to play poker from watching several hands, and he won himself gil and spare clothing alike off those SOLDIERs who heard his— at the time— thick accent and thought he'd be an easy mark. He still has a soft spot for poker.
40. Favorite book
Have two of Tseng's favorites.  Both titles have been translated from the original Wutaian for your convenience, but Tseng only has the Wutaian copies in his home. "When the Sun Rises in the West," by Yurieva Aiko.  This is a collection of poetry made from the letters recovered from the belongings of Wutaian soldiers after the war. "The Sleeve Cost Me Nothing Compared to You," by Sato Ivan.  This is a collection of short stories and poetry about love and the fleeting nature of romance.
41. If they could have lunch with anyone in the world (living or dead, from any fictional universe or the real world), who would it be?
Before he defects // Tseng would like to have lunch with one of the previous emperors at this point, just to try to get some perspective on what's happening with his country.  Particularly, he desperately wishes he had someone to ask for advice from.  He's torn on what he sees going on, and he wonders what's wrong with him that he seems to be the only one who sees that there's no possible way for them to win this engagement with Shinra. After he defects // During his time in Shinra, given the option to have lunch with literally anyone, Tseng would like one more lunch with someone he loves.  He's very much of the opinion that the best thing to do is to savor every moment you get with someone, no matter how mundane or fleeting. Post-canon // He would like one more lunch with Aerith and Zack.  Just to see them again, and to convince himself to let their ghosts go.
42. 3 comfort items
1 // Tseng has kept, over the years, exactly one kimono from his time in Wutai, and while he never wears it anymore, sometimes, when he's feeling nostalgic, he'll go and run his hands over the silk. 2 // After he completed his training to be accepted into the Turks, before he left the Academy in Junon to go back to Midgar full time, the Acting Director of Operations in The Junon Branch of the Administrative Research, Anya (also one of @ladykf-writes' OCs), gave him an inlaid bone and black alloy knife with a blade cleaning kit.  This is the knife that Tseng wears strapped to his left thigh (the left pocket is cut open in every pair of his pants so that he can reach it). 3 // When Rufus was fifteen, he gifted Tseng a solid black watch with no markers on it besides a pair of mythril white hands and a single mythril accent on the face that marked the twelve.  Rufus never intended for Tseng to keep it as a staple, but while Rufus has gifted him other watches since then, this is the one that Tseng wears as his every day watch.
43. 3 favorite foods and 3 they despise
Favorite Food 1 // Sushi from a tiny hole-in-the-wall place in Little Wutai.  And when he says hole-in-the-wall, he means this woman literally just sells bentos out of her kitchen. Favorite Food 2 // Fiola's in Upper Six is one of his favorites.  They have excellent Mideelan pasta and even better bread.  The bread is, in fact, good enough that while Tseng usually doesn't eat bread with his meals, he'll make an exception for Fiola's. Favorite Food 3 // There is a tiny bakery in Upper Three that sells the absolute best chocolate cake that Tseng has ever had.   Despised Food 1 // The "sushi" for sale in the Midgar cafeteria.  One of them had mayonnaise in it. Despised Food 2 // Pork rinds, a surprisingly popular snack in Midgar.  Tseng suspects it's a holdover from when the area was much more farming-oriented.  As it stands, every sector, Above and Below, has their own 'special' flavoring for them, and Tseng has yet to find anything redeeming about them. Despised Food 3 // Tseng doesn't despise bread exactly, but he fails to find it enjoyable to eat most of the time.  He'd prefer his carbs come in sugar, pasta, or rice, given the choice.
44. Their happiest memory
Tseng has a couple. The first one is of one of the last times he saw his mother. He was about eleven, and he was brought to her rooms so that she could see him.  They spent the evening reading poetry and him showing off his sword forms and her telling him how proud of him she was.  He helped her brush out her hair and braid it for bed, and then she returned the favor and kissed his forehead and sent him on back to his own rooms.  He has a small jade comb that he found in a secondhand shop in Little Wutai that makes him think of her. His second happiest memory is nearly always with Reeve, of their drive around the planet on that first reactor tour.  It was the first time Tseng traveled that he could just enjoy the process, and he has fond memories of the times they rolled the windows down and Tseng could let his hand hang out of the car and just... feel the breeze.  Reeve had been content to talk about nothing or put on an audiobook— and those had been something delightful to learn about, something that Tseng had immediately invested in because that was a great way to listen to the language— and let them just ride.
45. Their favorite celebrity
Tseng is embarrassed to admit it, but when he first arrived in Midgar and Junon, his Standard was not nearly as good as he'd thought it was.  The tutors he'd had in Wutai hadn't been native speakers, after all, and while he'd learned very well from them, there was no way he'd be mistaken for a natural speaker.  So he'd immediately immersed himself, watching the news and reading everything he could get his hands on, and eventually, he'd discovered what were called 'soaps.' He never really followed a lot of the plot lines— he felt sometimes like they had put several novels in a blender and poured the resulting concoction on the screen— but he did eventually decide there was one actress, Gabrielle Cooper, that he enjoyed watching. She had one of the most neutral accents he'd ever heard, and he followed her from show to show faithfully. Even long after he'd stopped watching soaps to help with his Standard, long after he'd more or less shed his own accent completely, he would catch himself picking up a magazine or a tabloid if she was featured on the cover.
46. The person they most admire
For a long, long time, it was Veld.  And then everything with Felicia happened.  And it isn't that he no longer admires Veld, but he certainly seems more human now.  What Tseng admires most about Veld now isn't the seemingly perfect Turk persona that he presents, but his dedication to what he thinks is right. Post-canon, the person he probably actually admires most is Rufus.  Rufus Shinra, who was brought up to rule the world and has been barred from the throne.  Rufus Shinra, who should have had everything and instead has had to cobble something together from the ruins left behind. In that vein, Reeve is an extremely close second. Reeve was never intended to be the one in charge, and Tseng knows that Reeve would like nothing more than to hand it all off to someone else and go back to designing houses and buildings and parks. But there's literally no one else to hand it off to. So he trudges on, running the now-largest military force in the world, making decisions that shape the entire world with almost no oversight.
47. Their dream job
If Tseng wasn't a Turk and hadn't been brought up in the Temple and was just an average Midgar citizen?  He'd be a restaurant critic.  He'd write the most detailed and possibly scathing reviews possible, and restaurants would fear him.
48. Scariest moment of their life
A few months before he defected, during a ritual for Leviathan at the Temple, Tseng nearly drowned.  This was one of his big catalyst moments for abandoning Wutai, as he realized in that moment that no matter what anyone told him about how important he was, they all saw him as expendable. After Advent Children, the scariest moment in Tseng's life was watching Rufus jump from that building.
49. Favorite toy as a child
Tseng was given a wooden training sword very young that he absolutely used to menace every Temple Guardian he ran across until he was big enough for proper training, and he cherished it right up until he left the temple.  He didn't take it with him, but he made sure to polish it and leave it in a respectful place when he left. He is sure that it was broken and/or burned upon discovery that he had chosen to side with Shinra.
50. A memory they’ve blocked out
I don't know that Tseng has very many memories that he's blocked out.  Tseng is very unflinching when it comes to facing who he is and what he's done and what's been done to him.  He believes in facing things head-on and in dealing with the consequences that brings.
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Congratulations on making it all the way down here, omg. IT WAS SO LONG!!
All of the love. 💖
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batmanisagatewaydrug · 3 months
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reading update: January 2024
as long as I'm talking about The Gargoyle's Captive, let's discuss what else I've been reading this month.
Maeve Fly (CJ Leede, 2023) - I really liked this slender debut novel, which follows the titular Maeve Fly as she prowls LA like a homicidal alien, playing an unnamed ice princess in a certain theme park by day and indulging her murderous tendencies by night. Maeve is in a downward spiral; she's 27 years old and is preparing to lose her grandmother to illness and her only friend to a blossoming acting career. she sees no future for herself beyond losing the only two people she cares about and has no further goals, contenting herself with alcohol and porn while she rereads the same books, rewatches the same videos, and listens over and over to her playlist of Halloween music. Maeve is, it must be said, an abysmal loser, and I like her terrible melodrama a lot. I do think some of the hype is perhaps overstating the feminist credentials of this book; it sort of reminds me of when a college friend told me their favorite feminist movie was Suicide Squad (2016) because Harley Quinn was in it. Maeve talks a lot of big game about how women are always expected to have some tragedy to be deranged serial killers, while men are allowed to just do it, but it hit me as a little tryhard. there are a lot of books trying to be "the female American Psycho" right now - Eliza Clark's 2020 novel Boy Parts is frequently described as such - but it feels a bit too on the nose when Maeve's ultimate climactic rampage is directly inspired by a glimpse of the American Psycho novel. it's not that deep, but it is a gross, captivating read told from a fascinatingly cracked POV. check out Maeve Fly.
Laziness Does Not Exist (Devon Price, 2021) - yeah Devon Price is still following me (though my days are numbered, I'm sure) so it's a massive relief to say that I did like this book. Price has sort of become my self-help ride or die, mainly because a.) he's so much more self-aware than the average self-help writer that it feels kind of insulting to call him one and b.) he's actually dealing with topics that are relevant or interesting and providing actionable advice. while LDNE didn't engross me quite as hard as Unmasking Autism (while I am, famously, not autistic, I do believe in their beliefs, by which I mean I'm the token allistic among my close friends and I vastly prefer autistic company) it hit me hard in several unexpected pressure points. I'll happily admit that I can't relate to Price's interviewees who willingly work 50+ hours a week for jobs that hate them and are destroying their minds and bodies, but I still struggle to escape the perpetual sensation that a moment at rest is a moment wasted. It probably didn't help that I was reading this book while on vacation at my mother's, where I visited the beach almost daily and was so work-averse that we didn't even bother going grocery shopping because I didn't want to cook. and yet, despite getting dummy chill in some aspects of my life, I am still constantly possessed by a malevolent ghost insisting that I'm wasting my time and have never actually done Enough. maybe Price's next book, Unlearning Shame, will finally fix me; it's out in four days and god knows I'll be getting my hands on it as soon as humanly possible.
Patternmaster (Octavia E. Butler, 1976) - y'all know I love a messy political fantasy, and this is just... god, the absolute messiest. I thought Mind of My Mind was bad, but it turns out Mary's descendants are going to full-on reinvent feudalism with psychic powers, treating non-psychics as chattel and causing technological advancement to regress since they refuse to handle their problems with anything but psychic powers. and it's even got two brothers duking it out for the throne that will give them power over every bitchy psychic on earth! you love to see it. if I can be 100% honest I do think it's straight up bananagrams that this was the first book released in the series even though it's chronologically last; I genuinely cannot imagine caring enough to figure out what the fuck these people were talking about if I didn't have the previous four books for context. and even "context" may be generous; Octavia still has absolutely 0 interest in explaining what's up with the fucking outer space werewolves who are the psychics' #1 enemy. if I could have brunch with any person living or dead I would summon Butler up in a heartbeat to explain what the fuck her thought process was in plotting out this series over some mimosas, and I would take extensive notes on every word she said. an absolute genius and the uncontested queen of freak shit forever.
Thirsty Mermaids (Kat Leyh, 2021) - I purchased this graphic novel in November 2023 at a conference where I bumped into Queer Comics Peddler, my very favorite queer midwestern pop-up. running into them is always a delight, and this time I came with a question: could they give me a recommendation? the very nice people working offered up Thirsty Mermaids, which was the PERFECT companion for a long airplane ride. it's cute without being overly sappy, and avoids the trap of sacrificing a plot for the sake of checking off as many representation boxes as possible. the story is simple: three mermaids use a spell to turn into humans and go ashore in search of booze, only to realize in the morning that they don't know how to turn back. taken in by a generous bartender, they're faced with the reality of having to make money for the first time in their lives. hijinks ensue, but also a very sweet and warmhearted story about the friends looking out for one another as they try to figure out exactly where they belong and what home even means. also the artwork is GORGEOUS, with the mermaids' extremely memorable character designs being a real standout. if you're a graphic novel enthusiast, definitely check this out 🧜‍♀️
Sugar, Baby (Celine Saintclare, 2023) - Sugar, Baby came to me in a very similar way as Thirsty Mermaids: while visiting a witchy little bookstore that I was immediately charmed by, I asked the cashier what they would recommend. they offered up Maeve Fly (fab) and this novel, a stack of which was on the counter advertising an upcoming event with the author. neither have disappointed, so shout out to that one employee with the great taste! Sugar, Baby sees a young cleaner named Agnes, one of the only biracial women in her unnamed English town, befriending the daughter of a wealthy client and getting whisked away to her new friend's London lifestyle: crashing in an apartment with fellow models, staying out all night to party, and making money by going on dates with extravagantly wealthy older men. Agnes starts out having a swell time, but the cracks pretty swiftly start to form as she realizes how much more dependent she is on these men than her wealthy new friends and she begins to wonder exactly how much she's willing to diminish herself to get the bag. it's not a perfect first novel but it is a compelling one, a perfect airplane page-turner that crashes from glitzy to ghoulish and back with breakneck speed.
The Gargoyle's Captive (Katee Robert, 2023) - my full review is over on patreon for my darling supporters who want me dead (and picked this book in the first place, damn them to hell), but suffice to say this is a fun book to read if you like the sensation of your brain melting out of your nose, if you're really turned on by baby's first bdsm, you are not particularly concerned with trifling matters like "plot coherence" or "character motivation" or "writing that is complex and artful," and/or you've ever wanted to have sex with a dude whose penis is so big that you feel genuinely fear. also, hey, I forgot to include this in my patreon write-up so fuck it: Robert REFUSES to tell us what kind of food the protagonists are eating, ever. whenever they have a meal it's just "the food was placed on the table" "I took a bite" etc. drop me a HINT, man, come on! is it a protein? grain? starches? the only thing I know for sure that they're consuming is wine and a single marshmallow, and god does it show. it's just a very weird and distracting omission and it's absolutely not the worst thing about this book but it is a hill I'm willing to die complaining on.
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lonleyhumanbeing · 7 months
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Just finished Castlevania:Nocturne ( I know I’m behind on the hype but what can you do.) and I liked it, just not as much as OG Castlevania.
This is coming from someone who had never even heard of the games until I watched the series.
I liked Richter, but he did Trevor’s thing but worse. I felt more for Trevor and felt like he was a character that could actually exist. Richter felt a little too Shounen protagonist.
No emotional connection for Maria for me, but I loved Sypha. I feel like they’re pretty similar characters but again, Sypha felt more real.
Loved Annette, maybe a little annoying at times when it came to her lineage, but I see why she is the way she is.
Edouard is absolutely amazing I love him. Wish we had more of him but I am incredibly interested in seeing how a Night Creature can remember how it is to be human. His songs really were the best part of the show.
Olrox needed more screen time. I love our dragon vampire boy who pretended not to care but really did. (Why did he help Belmont &co?)
And we love the anti-church themes throughout. It gives the Church in Gresit vibes. When the bishop was eaten because god wasn’t in his church.
Maybe if the inciting incident was better I’d like it more. I felt a lot for Dracula and understood his cause but feel nothing or Erzebet and her cause.
And of course, my favorite character from the OG series showed up. Alucard.
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hurtyknees · 2 years
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I think Josh Sauchak is one of my favorite examples of Explicitly Autistic Characters In Media.
Obviously, he's not a *perfect* example, because at the end of the day there are still cliches he falls into (being white, cis, pretty young, etc etc etc) but IMHO he's not insufferable, or an offensive caricature (like Sheldon - even tho they have a lot of basic similarities- or Sia's Music ™).
All that being said, here are things i appreciate in the way Josh's character was made:
1. He's an actual adult.
A lot of people who are much smarter than me talked about how shitty it is to infantilize neurodivergent people. And they're right; it annoys me to no end when people who are close to The Autistic Character™ treat them like a child, with no agency of their own. WD2 doesn't do that!
(some could argue that Sitara does it. I'd disagree; It goes with how her character is set up - she cares deeply about her friends, and goes out of her way to make sure they're okay. She's protective. Not just towards Josh, but Marcus, the Unnamed Friend from the Moscow Gambit mission, off the top of my head.)
There's only one person i can think of who explicitly infantilized Josh and treated him less like a person, and more like a pet. And that's Lenny. Y'know, someone who game tried very hard to let us know we're NOT SUPPOSED TO LIKE.
and - SPOILER - it did bite her in the ass at the end, didn't it?
2. He's a full, well rounded character.
I'll try to keep it short and sweet- the difference between Josh and Sheldon - the unholy staple of autistic characters - is that Josh doesn't feel flat. At least to me.
He does admit in one of the side missions that autism does have a huge impact on his personality. Now i couldn't find an exact quote, but after Marcus asks him whether or not he'd take part in the "experiments" being held that could supposedly "cure autism", Josh's answer is something along the lines of "only if I could go back from that. I like who i am, and i don't know if I'd like myself without it (the autism)".
Side note- it's genuinely so uplifting to see an autistic character and people around them not treating neurodivergency like some fucking curse. It happens way too often.
But yeah, going back to the point- Josh has a full, fleshed out personality. He's passionate, self aware, can be absolutely hilarious, and doesn't let other people walk over him. But he also holds himself to very high standards, and can be really harsh on himself if he doesn't meet them.
3. How he's treated by others.
I touched on that briefly before, but i simply love every interaction Josh has with others.
They treat him so normally, that in media where neurodivergent people are more often than not treated like aliens this felt extremely refreshing.
Dedsec members don't baby him as mentioned above, but they also don't get mad when he doesn't understand something, or - in his head - fucks something up.
(And honestly, that applies to everyone in Dedsec. I was so scared that the writers are gonna go for the lowest hanging fruit- do something that will make the group temporarily fall apart. But they didn't. Not when Marcus had his big fuckup at !nvite, not when Ray showed up. They stuck together. And didn't dwell on each other's mistakes.)
TLDR; it fascinates me to no end how media that treat themselves so insanely seriously fail at being inclusive, but Watch Dogs 2 - the game that took a giant U-turn from being that, after seeing how first game was received - has had some of the most genuine, heartfelt, casual representation I've seen in a long time.
Again, it's not perfect. But it's honest and down to earth. It didn't treat marginalized communities it included instrumentally.
I just love this game so much.
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v-era-18 · 9 months
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Red Licorice
Chapter Three: A Dead Girls Diary
“We don’t need them. It’ll be me and you against the world,” -Casey Beker
June 14th 1996
I know I'm supposed to start out with Dear Diary, but that's for basic bitches as Tatum would say-that dumb redhead.
Today my mother gifted me with another diary to write down my feelings after my break up with basketball player Paul Mathews. We had been dating for over a year, had gone on several dates, I cheered at all his games and wore his jersey blah blah-. She thinks I took it hard but in reality, I was more appalled with the reason why for the breakup. From what Pual’s sister had confessed, it was because he didn't like me at all-and was using me to get to my best friend (Y/n) (L/n).
(Y/n) is my best friend, I love her so much! Not only is she super smart but she's insanely pretty too. The only problem is she never believes it whenever someone tells her how beautiful she is. Hence why I wasn't hurt with the fact that Paul fell for (Y/n)-I understood why. She's like a beacon of light that you want to be covered in each day, from the way she laughs with a wide smile to the way she enters the room warming the space around her.
Long story short, many guys have come up to me and asked me how to ask her out before, and you know what I did as a good friend? I told them to get lost and they could kiss my ass! All of the boys at our school are practically dogs, (Y/n) needs a boyfriend that actually cares and likes the things she's interested in.
Take Randy for instance, he would be a perfect match-
(The rest of the sentence was crossed out)
On second thought, she doesn't need any man but me.
June 17th 1996
Okay Diary, I know it's been a minute since i've updated you on what's going on, but long story short-Tatum has lost her damn mind! Not only did she decide to sleep with my ex boyfriend Paul but there's a rumor amongst the other cheerleaders that they had been sleeping with each other for awhile behind my back! The absolute nerve!
(Y/n) told me I should let it go and possibly find another boyfriend who really cares about me the way I should be treated. She even went out of her way to watch a marathon of Rom-com videos with me to cheer me up. Not only did she cook me my favorite chocolate cake but she also made sure we did our nails. She even let me put color to hers-although she wouldn't let me do pink, but I didn't mind.
I am a bit jealous that Stu and Billy have been trying to get her to watch horror movies with them alone. I find it really weird how the two of them since we've been kids have always insisted that it has to be the three of them to enjoy the movies. But the jokes on them! (Y/n) has been spending all her time with me, Sidney and that bitch of a redhead.
Who needs boys when you have girls instead.
OMG I just got the greatest idea on how to get back at Tatum!
I'll keep you in the loop with my devilish diary!
Xoxox,
Casey
June 27th 1996
You'll never believe what happened today! My plan to get back at Tatum worked! Well not actually but indirectly.
You see Tatum has a huge crush on Stu Matcher, the dumb trouble maker (Y/n) always watches horror movies with. The bright side is that he's hot and is known for making all the girls melt in our school. I honestly didn't get what Tatum sees in him-but it must be something since she keeps ranting and raving about it during our sleep overs.
(Y/n), Sidney and Tatum came with me to the mall to do a little shopping, and Stu and Billy just so happened to be there looking for god knows what. They simply insisted on tagging along and the whore was more than happy to give in. It seemed to make (Y/n) uncomfortable with how much Tatum was flirting with Stu-I put it together that she simply hates public displays of affection. That's how it was when Paul was around.
Eventually Sidney and Tatum decided to head off in the lingerie store and decided to drag (Y/n) with them-knowing that my friend hates men seeing her in there. I was about to take along and make suggestions when Stu stopped me, the boy was straightforward with flirting-and I hated how easy it was for me to fall for his sly smooth words. I would be mush if I honestly found him perfect, but the amount of times he's followed (Y/n) around like a lost puppy freshman year screamed otherwise. So I played the game-remembering I had a score to settle with Tatum, and soon enough we were in the public restroom getting busy.
I won't lie-he was good. No wonder he broke so many hearts and had ex’s demand to get back together with him.
It wasn't long after the mall that he asked me on a date-a bit backwards don't you think? I guess I was a very good lay for him-my efforts paid off though, he only paid attention to me in spite of Tatums efforts.
During the whole time, (Y/n) did not speak to me, I could tell something was wrong due to her forced smiles and lack of conversation. Especially when Billy mentioned the new horror movie coming to theaters that he and Stu wanted to go see with her. I even asked to join, but she acted docile during the whole conversation.
I felt as though I made a deep mistake of some kind. And it really bothers me.
July 2nd 1996
I fucked up. Really bad.
(Y/n) has been avoiding me, and each time I invite her over my house she always says she has to help her Aunt out with something-which is bullshit because her aunt works her ass off at the hospital 24/7.
I have been spending a lot of time with Stu lately, but we either are having sex or he wants to watch horror movies. Sometimes I simply just stare at the scream lost in thought as to why I wanted to continue this relationship. I mean the sex is good, don't get me wrong and it feels like a victory to continue tormenting Tatum with our relationship, but it didn't feel right to keep doing this if my best friend isn't around.
I told Stu about my concerns with (Y/n) only for him to ask if he should talk to her about it, it was the way that he asked that quickly threw me off. I then proceed to ask about their friendship and how they often hang out with each other. He tells me they haven't interacted as of late because of me, and asked me to ‘politely’ stop getting in the way of their movie time together.
We had a huge fight about it. I didn't like the way he said it so casually that he wanted her there with him rather than me. We ended up having sex an hour later-but it didn't feel right. It was odd, Stu seemed to be hate fucking me one minute then caressing and telling me how sorry he was.
Once he was done he looked at me for a long moment, it was like he was trying to see me as someone else-I had seen that look before with other boys who loved someone else. Whatever spell he was under he snapped out of it before kicking me out before his parents got home.
I’m so lost.
July 4th 1996
(the page was torn out with leftover teardrops)
July 7th 1996
Me and (Y/n) had a heart to heart. It was jealousy - something that we both never in terms felt within our friendship. I know her, she’s not the type to get jealous unless she truly liked or felt for the person she was looking at. And even then-there wasn’t many that she looked at-from my knowledge anyway.
We spent the rest of the afternoon together watching movies on her living room couch. It felt good to be in each other's good graces again, afterall my life just seemed out of place without her in it. Watching horror movies, going shopping, or simply walking in the town square didn't do it for me without her by my side. There was one part in the movie where I watched her laugh the hardest she's ever done, her smile warmed me up inside, my heart hammering miles per minute.
When it came time for my mom to arrive, I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay. To hear her laughs and have her stay in my embrace longer. The bed in my home feels colder-missing the warmth on the other side of the mattress.
July 13th 1996
I'm scared to share this, but I've been rewinding last night's dream in my mind for the past three hours straight. It was nice at first, it seemed like every other day, I was over (Y/n)’s house horror movie in the background with the air blaring to life. The one thing that seemed weird was how close we were, she was laying on my chest covered in a blanket as I played with her curls.
It was comfortable, until (Y/n) leaned up and kissed me, not a quick peck but a slow passionate one. It wasn’t like the many empty ones I had given in my past relationships, it meant something. I could feel it-the love the joy my best friend was giving me. What shocked me the most was the fact I was kissing back taking the lead-dominating her entire being as I watched her melt in my grasp.
Soon I was on top of her kissing down her neck, stripping her of her clothes and sucking her breasts. I enjoyed it, the sight and the sounds she was making pleased me. It was different taking control but from how I was acting it was as if I had known how to do this my whole life.
I’ll never forget the way she moaned my name as I gave her orgasm after orgasm on the couch-her cunt practically dripping wet with her own thighs coated in her mess. Her eyebrows pulled together in ecstasy with her brown circles of breast on full display-arching into the air. It wasn’t long before we both finished, the aftercare was something I noticed I prioritized. I made sure she took a shower and was fed before taking her to the room to sleep.
It just felt right. No guilt. No thoughts about boys and their rough nature. Just the two of us. One embracing the other.
July 20th 1996
Distractions are what I found myself needing each night, and lucky enough for me there were plenty in Woodsburror. But with the many times I ended up underneath Stu I couldn't get her out of my head. Her moans and sweet utterance of my name against my lips, the same lips I found myself sucking the dick of the same man who had a secret attraction for my friend.
I know right-when did that happen.
It was the other night when I was with Stu in his truck, I had a slip of the lips and moaned (Y/n)’s name. I really hadn't meant to, but the way Matcher had stopped everything was telling enough-he didn't like the fact it was her name I had said. He had stopped initiating sex with me that night-even though he was still on hard.
I asked him if he was going to tell anyone what had happened. He said no, and instead offered a proposition. At first I was a bit scared to know what it was, but thought I didn’t have much of an option-I didn’t want my secret getting out.
He wanted a threesome between (Y/n) and Me. I immediately looked at him in a mix of shock and utter disgust. To get out of it I immediately mentioned that she was a virgin still-he countered it saying that he would be her first. The way he said it was weirdly full of warmth and affection. It twisted my stomach into knots and made me question how authentic was the relationship we currently had. The way he said her name-from the way he promised not to use her-to be gentle all the way through.
I hated it. I hated him. I never wanted to get out of a truck so fast in my entire life.
To get out of the conversation I lied and said I would think about it. But obviously-I'm thinking of a way to end this.
He wasn't going to touch (Y/n). Not on my watch.
July 27th 1996
Cheating isn't something to be glorified, ever. But damn did it feel like a weight off my shoulders when I heard of Tatums whore ways.
The new rumor amongst the cheerleaders this week was hot! Half the squad was over Autumn’s house when the ball was dropped about what the team captain had seen the other day on her way to Blockbuster. Apparently Tatum had invited Sidney and (Y/n) along on their blockbuster run knowing that Stu and Billy would be there. At first I was a bit upset (Y/n) hadn't told me anything about it-but the gears started turning once Autumn said Stu had ignored Tatum the entire time, his attention solely on my best friend.
It was confirmed with a simple sighting and interaction with the two, Stu didn't want me or Tatum. He wanted (Y/n). And in his own twisted way of trying to get close to her he was using us (her friends) as a gateway.
I don't understand. He had more opportunities to date her from the beginning, they were practically inseparable since they were kids-especially in middle school. Billy soon added to the mix not so long after his mother wasn't as present anymore.
You're probably wondering where the cheating part had taken place right? Long story short, our team captain-Abigail- had saw Stu fucking Tatum against the wall of an alleyway next to the store. It was embarrassing, not only did everyone give me sympathetic looks, but they all knew about what Paul did. It was the same thing happening twice in the row-(Y/n) being tossed in the mix.
I played the part of the sad grieving girlfriend very well, maybe it was because through the irony of it all- I didn't care about the fact the boys didn't want me. I cared about the fact they wanted (Y/n). They wanted my best friend-the girl I wanted all to myself.
I don't blame them for falling in love with her though, after all. I did it myself.
August 1st 1996
Today was cheerleading practice for the new school year along the day football players start preparation for the upcoming football season. Most of the time while we were coming up with cheers on the sidelines, the fresh new round of quarterbacks would hoot and holler for our new uniforms.
I'll admit, they were very sexy. But I really couldn't get my mind off of me and (Y/n)’s sleepover last night. She had simply fallen asleep on my chest, her silk nightie rode up at the bottom leaving her lace painties in view. I was quick to pull the dress back down-but my mind had wondered if I had proceeded things differently.
My parents weren't home and it would've been the perfect opportunity. But instead I was too scared of what she would say or the possibility of ruining our friendship.
My kicks and flips were the worst it had ever been throughout practice and the other girls could tell. And much to my embarrassment they thought it was because of Tatum messing around with Stu. As if I could care less what that whore did with my lay! And the bigger fact of the matter is Stu dosen’t even want Tatum either-hes just fucking her till he gets bored.
I couldn't do it anymore, I was sexually frustrated. From the pent of feelings for my best friend and the fact Tatum continued to pretend she didn't keep stabbing me in the back over and over again.
I had noticed Steve staring at me throughout his drills, and decided to call him over once me and the girls took our two hour break from practice. Seducing him wasn't that hard-it was obvious he thought more with his dick than his own head.
The locker room was thankfully deserted giving us enough time to get an hour of pleasure in. The poor boy took it the wrong way and thought I wanted to go out with him-it wasn't a bad idea though. Steve was cute and had a lot going for himself, and seemed somewhat of a decent guy, plus it gave me an excuse to dump Stu.
I can only hope he doesn't get too angry about it down the line.
August 7th 1996,
Okay so the breakup didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped-but it was better than I had originally had expected.
Stu wasn't as furious about the breakup as I thought he was going to be, he only seemed a tad bit frustrated with something I couldn't understand. Even with the many accusations I had tossed his way about screwing Tatum and wanting (Y/n) all for himself. He seemed only focused on the fact that (Y/n) wouldn't be around that much anymore-he has a serious problem he needs to solve.
And I told him that. (Y/n) isn't his-and she never will be.
That's what started it-the rampage the boy went on. I had never seen Stu so livid from just telling him he couldn't have her. The one girl he wanted. He did not place his hands on me or anything but kept screaming for me to get out of the house. I did leave in a rush, afterall I had my current new boyfriend outside waiting to comfort me.
But when the news broke out, things started to flip upside down. I think the only person that was disappointed in me was (Y/n). She couldn't believe what I had done-cheating on Stu with Steve and causing such drama amongst the group. In my opinion I had done nothing wrong-it was Tatums fault for fucking Paul then going after Stu while we were in a relationship.
I didn't understand why she was taking Stu’s side either, it hurt hearing she didn't want to lie to him and say I didn't do what I did. Or how much I hurt him.
I lost my temper. I'll admit it, yelling at her wasn't the way to go. And I might have said something I wasn't proud of. But it was how I felt at the moment- she didn't need to worry so much over Macher if she was MY friend! If she was MY everything!
But that's the thing she's not mine. But she should be.
August 12th 1996,
Today was the first day of school, my senior year. One semester away from saying goodbye to these bloodsucking vermin in the dust once and for all. Mom wished me luck this year, we had a long prayer at the breakfast table for scholarships and hopefully a bright future ahead. The only thing that seemed out of place was the empty chair beside me; (Y/n)’s place at the table.
This was the first time she wasn't over for the first day of school with me. We usually had sleepovers the night before, gossip-made bets on what's going to transpire but no-I had made the ultimate mistake of yelling at her and degrading her for voicing her opinion.
I called her Stu’s whore.
I didn't mean it of course, but it was something I said to hurt her-the last thing I had wanted to do.
The first day of school was okay, it turns out I have a few classes with (Y/n) and Sidney, fortunately I don't have any with Tatum ,Stu or Billy. But Randy is in my science and history class. Randy wouldn't shut up talking about how cute (Y/n) looked today, and I couldn't shake the feeling of jealousy as many men in the school watched her up and down the school halls.
She wore her hair up into a high afro ponytail, swirls of her hair laid upon her head. I couldn't help but stare at the loose flannel-her shoulders were bare, and she wore some jean shorts with some beat up converse. During class I couldn't help but stare, even with Sidney encouraging me to speak to her I couldn't. And I felt as though if I tried talking to her about it something else might have transpired.
I couldn't tell her my feelings for her. What would my parents say? Not to mention the whole student body. Being gay in this town isn't uncommon but many people, especially adults are old fashioned. Last time I checked (Y/n)’s Aunt even had something sly to say about girls viewing each other's bodies if they are not family.
I can't win. Not if I leave this hell hole and start anew.
Would it be a possibility that (Y/n) would come with? Come with me to start a new life away from all of this? I would let her watch movies whenever she wants and help her through school.
I want her dreams to become a reality. I want to be there every step of the way, to see her on that red carpet of the movie she makes. The series of horror movies that would have the world in a chokehold.
I want to be that wife, her holding my arm as she waves shyly to the cameras for me to beam down at her in pride.
I would give her everything Stu couldn't and more!
August 13th 1996,
I can't believe Tatum had the nerve to try to give me advice to please Steve in the bedroom! For her information Stu’s so obviously pretending she’s (Y/n) while fucking her brains out. The worst part is everyone knows about Tatum and Stus relationship now, not that they're a fan of it-it's just new gossip.
Apparently (Y/n) didn't like the relationship, that's what Sidney said. But I don't understand why. Everytime Stu gets into a relationship with someone (Y/n) says it's not a good match- or both parties deserve better.
It's almost like she wants him-
(The page was torn off halfway)
August 15th 1996,
(The page is filled with many crossed out words and x’s making it illegible to read) (It was almost as if she couldn't bare to process what she was writing)
August 17th 1996,
I couldn't take it anymore! I had to talk to (Y/n) and make up with her! These past few days of silent treatment were getting to me. Not only has Tatum noticed, but Sidney as well. It was embarrassing to know that her other friends have been asking me what's going on when I've known her for the longest. They don't even care about her as much as I do!
But it's not just my feelings for (Y/n) that have been consuming my thoughts lately. I've been struggling with my sexuality, and it's been eating me up inside. I've never told anyone, not even my best friend, about the way I feel. It's like this big secret that I'm carrying around, and it's starting to feel suffocating.
I know that (Y/n) would never judge me, but the fear of rejection and the unknown terrifies me. What if she doesn't feel the same way? What if she thinks I'm weird or gross? I can't risk losing my best friend, but at the same time, I can't continue living this lie.
The looks that Stu and Billy have been giving me lately only make things worse. It's like they know something about me that I don't even know myself. I feel like a fraud around them, like they're constantly judging me.
I don't know what to do. I'm so confused and scared. All I know is that I can't keep living like this. I need to talk to someone, anyone, about how I'm feeling. But who can I trust? Who can I confide in?
For now, I'll keep my secret to myself and focus on repairing my friendship with (Y/n). But I know that this is something that I need to address eventually.
Of course she was reluctant to talk but I had bribed her to let me in with three packs of her favorite popcorn and of course five packs of licorice. She took the popcorn and candy and allowed me to have an hour to say what I wanted to say before I was asked to leave.
I understand her anger. We've been best friends for years, and I called her such an unforgivable thing because I was jealous of the attention she was giving Stu. I felt terrible, and I told her everything. I apologized and begged for her forgiveness. I could see the pain in her eyes, and I knew I had hurt her deeply. But thankfully, she eventually forgave me, and we hugged it out. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
But now, I'm left feeling guilty about how I treated (Y/n) and how I let my jealousy get the best of me. I need to work on my insecurities and learn to communicate my feelings better. (Y/n) is my best friend, and I never want to hurt her like that again.
August 31st 1996,
(This entry was ripped out aggressively to what seemed like not too long ago.) (investigators eventually found the entry locked in a secret chest underneath Becker’s bed along with her previous diaries and most treasured items.)
September 8th 1996,
Slowly but steadily I've been getting closer to (Y/n), we've even started making plans on what to do for Halloween! It's her favorite month. All the decorations, costumes, and of course the horror movies. She did seem a bit down today when I mentioned dressing up together as playboy bunny girls, clearly she was expecting something more her speed.
I know-I know what you're thinking. Why would I want to dress up as a playboy bunny costume when (Y/n) clearly wants to dress up as a slasher? Well it's simply because it gives me an excuse to have her wear something revealing all night, and second she's a slasher every single year.
It's time to do something different. No more bloody (Y/n). Instead we'll have a super hot one instead.
In the end she said she would think about it, but with the way she looked over longingly at Stu and Billy; maybe just maybe I should be a slasher with her this year.
September 15th 1996,
Unfortunate change of plans, my parents announced that they were visiting family the week of Halloween. And for once I hated the thought of leaving here without (Y/n) by my side. In the past with her being alone on Halloween always sits wrong with me, and the fact is she wouldn't be alone; Stu and Billy always ended up being there.
Sick? Stu and Billy would come over. Aunt Gia unable to take her to the movies? Mrs. Macher would fill in, Stu dragging (Y/n) to the backseat. If I was out with the other girls dressing girly? Billy would immediately pull out a Micheal Myers mask and a bucket for candy.
I just can never get the timing right on Halloween to be with her. On her favorite holiday.
I might as well push these feelings to the side and let Stu or Billy have her this Halloween. Just like they always do. This time Tatum and Sidney won't be able to deny their boyfriends attraction to (Y/n).
September 19th 1996,
I can't believe I lost my diary for three days! And that's not even the worst part. Tatum was the one who gave it back to me. I was spiraling, hoping that she had some sense and did not read any of it.
Imagining the thought of her reading it sent chills down my spine. Not only would Tatum be out for my blood but (Y/n)s as well; even though the two girls get along fine now- I just know Tatum would immediately flip the script and try to ruin her life.
So what if (Y/n) had feelings for Stu and Billy. She likes Randy now. Even though I’m trying to be the main contender for her love-even I had to face the reality that she wasn't going to go for someone in a relationship. If I was to confess my feelings to her it most definitely would have to be after I dump Steve.
Don't get me wrong, the boy is really nice and sweet. He'd be the perfect boyfriend for me if I wasn't you know ‘a little sparkly’. The sex is good too and he even knows how to communicate well. The only argument we've had thus far was about how much time I've been spending with (Y/n) lately, it resulted in me crying and guilt tripping him.
He was getting a little bit too close to the truth.
But that's not what I'm afraid of. This afternoon I asked Tatum how she found my diary. Turns out she wasn't the one who found it.
It was Stu who had it for the weekend.
September 21st 1996,
Tonight (Y/n) came over to hang out as usual. Soon we were gossiping and talking about others' relationships before it shifted back to mine. (Y/n) apparently don't like how quickly me and Steve got together, and to be honest she was making some good points. Hooking up with boys and then immediately becoming a couple was very misleading and isn't how relationships should be formed.
The conversation got intense however once she suggested we watch a horror movie, we fell back into our normal routine. She did say something that threw me off though. She said if I was in the horror movie I would be the dumb blonde that dies first.
As if! I'm clearly too smart to die in a horror movie! I joked around with her about it and asked if she remembers the promise if I were to die. Of course she remembered but knew she wouldn't have to do it till we were daily older.
To me it doesn't matter how old we get together. She'll always be my everything in my eyes.
I had asked Steve to come over Wednesday to watch a movie, but obviously that's not what we're going to do. That night will be the last time I ever mess around with a boy, and Thursday morning I'll be single and ready to confess to my best friend.
I can only hope she reciprocates my feelings.
August 31st , 1996
Last night was a total nightmare. I don't know who to be more angry at Sidney-or that bitches friend Tatum! We were all invited over (Y/n)’s house to sleepover and have a great time.
Unfortunately things took a twisted turn-
Screams emitted through the TV as the four girls settled across the living room floor. (Y/n) was snuggled up on Casey's side sharing a blanket as Tatum and Sidney were laid across the couch; apparently Tatum valued comfort rather than the floor, but Sidney did remain on the floor laid up against the couch with her sleeping bag.
It was a good thing the movie had subtitles since it was in Japanese; the plot in the movie was about a series of mass murder of teen girls who've all dated the boy. Upon the grand reveal it turns out it was his childhood best friend, her love for him was so obsessive that she resulted in killing all potential suitors for her friend. One might argue it was sick and twisted, but was it so different from many murder cases in the US? Sure some of the scenes were very violent, including the parts on how she disposed of the bodies; however jealousy and obsession can turn deadly quickly if not caught on to.
The alleged ‘final girl’ ran down the school corridor, running into the male protagonist as he tried to calm her down. Her hand was gone, blood practically spraying and pooling along the floor, (Y/n) would have to give it to the directors, the protruding bones look so real.
“All bets in that she's not going to survive,” Casey muttered.
(Y/n) hummed, “Yeah she already lost her virginity, so she already lost in that regard. Not to mention she was seen drinking a few scenes ago.” The two friends had watched so many scary movies at this point that they could predict when someone was going to die, or the ‘twist’ the directors were trying to pull.
The killer rounded the corner, her mouth and face going slack as the male lead and her locked eyes. The boy seemed shocked for a moment before he began to question her on why and how she was doing this. The subtitles were fast but the girls could get the gist of what was being said from the brief words on the screen.
“Wow,” Tatum scoffed, “What a love confession. Someone please kill me if I ever become that desperate over a man.”
“Wait,” Sidney watched as the boy started to step closer, his eyes brimming with tears, “Is he…is he confessing back?! After all the girls he’s slept with and had died due to her, he wants a relationship with her?”
This caught (Y/n)’s attention, she watched how the two childhood friends embraced one another as the other girl cried out to the boy pleading for him to stay-to save her. Only for the male to take the knife from the killer and kill the final girl himself. Something about the scene made it hard to look away.
‘How can someone choose a killer rather than the innocent?’
“He's in love with her,” She muttered, “so much he's willing to kill another innocent person in order for them to be together.” Something fluttered in her heart at the sheer devotion they have towards one another. They way they looked at eachother-no more secrets all the obstacles that were there before have been removed. The two halves of the same whole acn be together at last.
The screen cuts to a house, the childhood friends had gotten married and one would guess moved to another city to leave their choices behind. What caught the afro haired off guard was how happy the couple looked, they had even achieved a loving family; a pair of twins and a four year old boy all sitting at the table sharing grace before credits started to roll.
Casey shifted a bit, “Well, that movie was-,”
“Amazing-,”
“Shit,” Tatum snarled, “How can he want that ugly bitch and kill the good looking one? Isn't this Japanese? Wasn't it the standard to marry for good looking kids and successors?” The girl's attitude threw the other three girls for a loop.
(Y/n) still wanted to argue her point, “I think it's a good film! It's a lot different from the horror movies I usually watch, and I think the fact that the childhood friends got together despite everything was a good twist and satisfying ending.” She got up from Caseys side and went to retrieve the tape and grab another movie, “Here, we can watch a Chick flick next since you didn't like-”
“You think all childhood friends should end up together huh, (Y/n)?”
The girl paused her movements at the question. She didn't understand why the question seemed so-hostile. Casey sat up and shot Tatum a look, clearly disliking where this was going. Sidney on the other hand had a very uncomfortable expression on her face, almost like she was expecting this.
“Well, sometimes yes,” (Y/n) shrugged the stranged feeling off, “Think about it. They’re the ones that know each other most inside and out. Look at most successful marriages for instance-they were either childhood friends or friends and with each other for a long time.” She popped in ‘She’s All That’ before turning to the strawberry blond, “Plus my parents were childhood friends. That's why their marriage was so successful.”
There was an uncomfortable silence in the room.
Something shifted behind Tatum's eyes; malice, spite, fueled by jealousy. “Oh, so you're assuming that Me and Stu’s relationship is going to be temporary since we were not childhood friends?”
(Y/n) made a face at the mention of her friends name, her heart contorted “No! That's not even what I was trying to say-”
“It was implied-”
“Fuck off Tatum,” Casey barked, “The only reason why he’s with you is because your so willing to lay on you back for him.”
They all had to have known it was true. Tatum was so desperate for the boy to acknowledge her since the seventh grade. Going as far to change her style three times before settling on the busty mean girl persona; of course she wasn’t mean all the time-just liked the look.
Other than that Casey wasn't going to let the girl accuse her friend of these things without proof. (Y/n) wasn't the type to go after someone elses’ boyfriend; however with the information the blonde knew about she did feel a bit hypocritical.
Stu wanted (Y/n). Did she know if it was the same the other way around? No. Was she still going to defend her anyway? Absolutely.
Tatum whipped her head over to the other blond practically giving her whiplash. Her face was red now in embarrassment or fury one could barely tell. “Oh! Just like how you were so willing to do that same-,”
“At least I didn’t fuck my friends boyfriend while they were in a committed relationship-”
“It was only two times-”
“Two times too many!” Casey huffed, “Is this what you came here for? To start something with (Y/n) because you know she's the nicest out of the rest of us?”
Tatum rolled her eyes, “You act like she's a newborn, she can defend herself,” She took a swig of her cola before shifting her eyes to her best friend, “Besides I’m not the only one with questions, Sidney does as well.”
(Y/n) zeroed in on Sidney, the girl was fiddling with the sleeve of her sweater. Something about her whole demeanor screams ‘guilty as sin’; as if she just got done something unforgivable. In this case she felt pressured to get to the bottom of why Billy had this slight obsession with the girl in front of her.
Sidney did have a question about Billy and her relationship, and she wanted the girl to be honest about it. She wouldn't be mad if there was something before,but it would mean things between her and her boyfriend would be called into question.
“Y-you have something to ask me Sid?”
Sidney nodded, “Yeah, um I went over Billy’s house the other day, and I saw a lot of things in his room that surprised me is all,” Surprise would be an understatement, her heart felt like it was being ripped into thirds with the items she came in contact with. They haven't been dating for long but she felt like she really liked him, but there's only so much one can take, “You-uh-you guys have a lot of photos with each other. Even with his mom and dad-and uh-Stu was in some of them too..”
She was trying to give a hint to the girl about what she was trying to say. Sidney knew no boys or men who would have that many pictures of a girl visible. Especially in a relationship. It wasn't like it was just on his desk, no-it was all around his house. On the hallway walls, in his dads office-in the kitchen-everywhere. Mr. Loomis almost seemed shocked that Sidney even earned the title ‘Girlfriend’.
‘What happened to (Y/n)?’ Billy’s Father voiced out loud.
Billy stilled for a moment his eyes hazy, ‘(Y/n) has been busy with school lately,”
His father simply cocked an eyebrow and said nothing more. Sidney had never felt more embarrassed and out of place; she knew what the question really meant and what answer Billy’s father was looking for. He wanted to know why (Y/n) wasn't the one at the table with them with the title instead of Sidney.
“So are you asking if I have the same pictures as him?” The girl cut through the silence.
Sidney shook her head, cheeks pink. She didn't know why this was frustrating her-it was just a question. So with a deep breath she ripped off the bandage, “Did you and Billy ever have a secret relationship?”
(Y/n) sputtered as her face grew warm at the question, sure she had secretly entertained the idea of having Billy as a boyfriend but it quickly went out the window once she realized her long term feelings for Stu. It should've been easy to answer back at the question but she was so surprised with the way it was said threw her for a loop.
“No, me and Billy have never had that sort of relationship.” She finally stated.
The brunette didn't seem convinced, “What about the nickname they both gave you. Billy and Stu,” Billy had a habit of calling (Y/n) by her nickname rather than her real name, even in Sidney's presence. It would be different if it was something funny, or a common nickname given among friends, but it was so intimate. And (Y/n) didn't notice it like the other girls did.
Sidney didn't even have an intimate nickname. Billy just called her ‘Sid’ like everyone else.
“What nickname? You mean (N/N)? Billy and Stu haven't called me by that name in years-”
“No! The other one!” Sidney persisted, “The intimate one. You’ve got to remember, Billy calls you it all the time when you're not around-,” The girl paused for a moment, her thoughts sinking in. What if Billy and Stu never said the nickname to the girls face once they got to highschool; it has been a long time since Sidney and Tatum was thrown into the mix in regards to their group. “Did Billy and Stu ever call you anything else in your presence?”
The afro haired paused, thinking it over before answering. There was one nickname Billy and Stu used to call her by sometimes, but it was just while they were watching movies and alone with the three of them. It was around about ninth grade when the nickname was made; Billy insisted that they call her by it.
“Final Girl,”
There was silence again. If there was a way from steam to whistle out of Tatum's ears they all would have heard it.
“Excuse me?” Sidney said, “They call you what?”
(Y/n) bit her lip, “Final girl, Billy insisted I be called that. You know Final girls are the ones that-”
“That’s not the name I was talking about. You mean to tell me you have another one-?”
“Did you fuck Stu instead?” Tatum cut in, “If you couldn't have one friend you might as well go for the other one-”
“Tatum,” Sidney hissed. This wasn't how she wanted to go about doing things. Backing (Y/n) in a corner like this was just bullying her, and if she did have private relationships with either boy it wasn’t for them to know. (Y/n) even had the right to refuse not to answer.
The afro haired girl gripped her band tee in frustration, “I didn’t fuck anyone!” She got up and glared at Tatum in frustration, she didn't understand the girl's deal. She had won already, she had Stu all to herself, “You both have Stu and Billy as your boyfriends and spend so much time with them to the point we three don't hang out as much anymore! When would I have the time to even get the chance to do something like that?”
“Can we just all calm down for a second-,”
“Did you ever have feelings for Stu or Billy?!”
“What does it matter?!” (Y/n) cried, “You have both of them! You won! Tatum you fuck Stu every single day! And Sidney you watch movies with Billy all the time-!” The girl cut off a lump forming in her throat as she could see her favorite boys doing the activities with her friends. Something inside twisted and lurched-her eyes growing warm and sight blurry.
This was all enough for Sidney and Tatum to see the girls true feelings. One felt sympathetic with the reaction, the other on the other hand-.
“I told you!” Tatum pointed, “I knew there was something going on with those three! So how did it feel being Stu and Billy’s whore all throughout ninth grade-” The girl was cut off with a pillow connecting to her head.
Casey loomed over the other girl, her face contorted in rage, “Say that again. I dare you.”
The two other girls stood up immediately with how Casey was standing over Tatum, they knew if a hit landed there was no coming back from this. Also (Y/n) didn't want anyone to be fighting inside her house, her Aunt would have a fit knowing why her living room looked a mess. She would be okay with a bit of fun-not a full out brawl.
(Y/n) sighed sadly, “Tatum, Sid - you guys need to leave.”
A sad solemn look took over Sidney's face at the girl's tone, “Wha - No look I'm sorry can we just pretend this conversation didn't happen?” It was wistful thinking, but she honestly didn't want to leave things this way between everyone. They were supposed to have fun; Sidney wanted to ignore the boy problems for one day and just enjoy the presence of her friends without any problems. (Y/n) didn't deserve to be asked questions that way tonight, especially about the two people she saw as her best friends for the longest time.
“Pretend?” Said Casey, “After the two of you tried jumping down her throat! You want to pretend you didn't do anything?!”
The blonde stormed over to the two sleeping bags grabbing them and rushing back to the front door. Tatum finally got up from the couch in shock, following after the angry girl. Not a single one of them had ever seen Becker this upset, sure she argued and had a sharp tongue but throwing their things outside of the house was way beyond what they could imagine.
“Casey! Are you fuckin crazy-?!”
“For my best friend? Yes!” Casey yelled, “Now are you going to grab your backpack yourself or am I going to have to grab them for you?”
(Y/n) wiped tears from her eyes, “Cas at least let them call their parents-”
“Tatum's house is two blocks away, they can kick rocks.”
It was quick with how the girls left, and the afro haired girl felt a sense of dread with the door closing. It was only when Casey placed a hand on her shoulder did she break down. In some way she blamed herself for them-for their actions and jealousy towards her. She allowed her best friend to guide her towards the couch before she left to get some water and tissues. She stared blankly at the chick flick on the screen, she didn't know why she chose that one.
It was Tatum's favorite. And it was her least favorite.
Casey came back with a glass of water, tissues and a pack of red licorice in her hands, “You okay?” It was a rhetorical question of course, but it was better to ask rather than not asking.
“Would I really be considered a whore if I liked Stu and Billy?” The girl sniffed, “Is it really that bad that I used to have feelings for them? I mean I like Randy now but is it bad that I acknowledge Stu would never look my way because I wasn't enough-”
Casey grabbed the girl's hands, cutting her off , “You are enough. It's their fault they couldn't see that,” She proceeded to wipe the girls cheeks clean of tears, “And in my opinion they've lost the best thing to ever enter their lives. You.”
Silence filled the room for a moment. Nothing could be heard over the girls sniffles and the faint sound of the movie in the background. Casey simply held the girl in her embrace, rubbing up and down her arms in a soothing motion to calm her down.
“Casey,” The girl whispered softly.
“Hmm?”
“If I dont have anyone else, it'll just be me and you right?”
Casey looked down at her friend, a loving smile taking place on her pink lips, “Of Course. We don't need them. It'll just be me and you against the world.” The girl unexpectedly sprung up off the sofa and headed over to the pile of movies, “I think this chick flick isn't our speed! Lets watch another horror movie, any recommendations?”
(Y/n) gave a watery smile, “I got another japanese film we could watch,”
“Cool! Which one is it?” The blonde shuffled through the tapes.
“It's the one with the two bloodied friends on the cover. It's called, ‘Forget Me Not’.”
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kidfoundonstreets · 1 month
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LOVEBRUSH CHRONICLE. YOU LIKE?
ill try to keep it brief 1/20397
lovebrush chronciles is an otome game deisgbed by team/company I AM ACTUALLY NOT SURE DESPITE YOU SEEING IT EVRRYTIME YOU ENTER THE GAME HOLD ON neteaze games (passion of gamers) and it is about altnerate universes, time fuckery, and school life.
the game begins introducing itself as a regular otome school life sim (my condolences to the fans who fell for william first sight only to find out hes not an actual love interest trust me i see u i feel u) but then WHAM BAM!! just when u thougut ur girl best friend was lookin kinda cute she gets X_x in this summon circle and you jump in to save her only to find out youre now in a royal cage surrounded by people that needa sacrifice you to save themselves from their own doom. oh and youre not in your own world anumore good luck have fun
so now here goes the different plots and paths with the love interests. the way i playrd it was as they introduced it, which was ayn aklaid lars claerence. no cael route yet which rips me apart every night. the love interests seem to have consistent values throughout most universes despite all of their diferet upbringings which i find pretty cool considering schoollife and royaltylife are two completely drastic diferent things, and also i nejoy how mc is written with more character and an amazing design to match the rest of the beautifully drawn cast
on that topic the art is GORGEOUS. i have never seen such beautiful detailed art in a game before and i assure you it will not disappoijnt. the graphics and smoothness of the game are especially a great touch. THERES A MINI STORY FOR EACH CARD BTW SR AND UP ITS SO GOOD becasenit feels as if the creatoes actually put care and give a shit into whar theyre writing and drawing and even in little events the absolute quality and depth of the cast shines theough its just i cannot express how much you need to play tjis game if you like dating sims ITS FREE TOO??,×*#&@ IMSO SAD WHY ID OBEYEME GETTING SM ATTENTION WHEN THIS IS SITTJNGHERE HUH dont get me wrong i too was in that hole but trust me brother there is only one man worth it there and obeyeme sure as hell isnt gonna do it justice with its 200+ chapter peobably plotline
anywya its 11 pm and ibhave no idea how to organize this post so ill just go through the cast
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he is my plaything
ANYWAY ayn is so maahh hes the stupid cat that sleeps on me at night HE USED YO BE MY FAV AND WAS EXACTLY MY TYPE OFF THE BAT ITS SO IRONIC HES MY LEASY LIKED NOW but hes still very good and god you need to see this
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^^ bisexual dilemma
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^^ HIS EMO PHASE
i like him as a side piece, he has a nice personality but it doesnt stick out to me as much as the rest but i heavily respect the enjoyers of him
Aigh now
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HHHRHRGGGHWH HHRGGBW WHWHWBW W SLSOPE9282B3BDND BSHSJW W GHENRBR .R FJJGGW HJ W..B GHN.F. H . THROWSUP aklaid my dear my darling ! i lvouou my little STARBOY my favorite my self sacrificing devoted prince who acts soo nice but is the cause of his own decay. smooochh I ADORE HIM dude one time he almost dies and mc is like "i am so sorry" and hes smiling qhile saying "nono! this is the happiest ivebeen" GET THERAPY
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lars is my favorite lesbian
im onsessed w him hes always fun no matter where he is and yet they still dont dumb him down the moments where hes serious only add to his character his charm is unexplainable his rizz unatainable you could never
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my TRUE favorite lesbian
MY FABORITE MY FABORITE KY DAVROITE I WAS SO WORRIED HOW I WOULD ENKOY HIM BECAUSE SO KUCH WAS UNKNOWN BUT AHGGWDHHSHW HIS ROUTE HIS DEPTH EVERYTHING IT MAKES ME SO SADITS HWARTBREAKING DUDE "HAIR HOLDS MEMORIES" IM GONNA SOB INTO MY HANDS I CANT BELIEVE I LOVE A MAN NAMED CLARENARENCNEUXIHQBQ SHUTOROSHUSITP oh and he really likes cats :D
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i have run out of images but cael caught my eye since the beginning and i dont know whats wrong with him is he my parental figure my wife my side piece my worst enemy my hater my lover my killer my doomer my caretaker my one-time-leave-you-for-nine-months
i genuinely cannot stand him hes the one who i always run to and check on firstin efents and stories not claerence not lars not alkaid but fucking CAEL.
i cant help it maybe in the end my heart really belongs to him because im still waiting for his route and for him to show moreemotion and maybe break down or slowly go through the agony of learning to accept love despite everything despite you
this is the only part i feel a little uneased about in the writers hands.. they are very capable hands.. but will they do him right.. hes so stupidly simple but not it makes me grit my teeth and die
◇°♡○♤○£▪︎¥°₩`£•♡○◇○♡♤◇•◇•♡☆
THANK YOU EVERYPONY FOR REASING IF YOU DID PLEASE SMASH THAT OIKE AND SUBACRIBE BUTTON FOR MORE UNHINGED RANTS IM SORRY FOR BEING AUSTISTIC AND MAY DO IT AGAIN ♡♡ GOD BLESS
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stickthisbig · 9 months
Text
Deadlands and Accents
Context: I went to grad school for linguistic anthropology. I'm also a born and raised Southerner; the majority of the time that I've lived somewhere else was in California.
So this post was initially much, much, much longer and got into why we can't say whether the West sounded Southern and the evidence ag'in it. There was just so much. Just so much.
"Sabine, can you really tell anything from the first episode?" Come here. Closer. Do you know how fucking long three hours is? I gave a whole-ass paper at the AAAs one year on thirty minutes of data. Maybe we revisit this later, but believe me. We've already heard a lot.
Anyway here's my analysis by player of the accents from ep 1 of Deadlands. Also it has audio of me reading my favorite Southern political speech. The original version of this post was a drunken ramble on Discord where I ranked the players, but it did feel a little catty, so I'm just going to take them in no particular order:
Literally Everyone Else In The West
Honestly, Andy's all over the place and has heavily leaned into "here's a voice that sounds olde tymey", which makes some of his characters, particularly Arlo, sound like audio animatronics. However, he's the DM and he can do what he wants. 7/10
Garnet
Iconic for just not doing an accent at all. 10/10.
Edie
Right. So. Here's the thing.
Ellen is just doing Dolly Parton. Like it's straight up and down Southern Belle. It's not very good, but it's identifiable.
You have to be really careful when you do just a regular accent that many people have. I am going to say this as delicately as I can: because of a lack of cultural understanding about how Southern women sound, Edie comes off as a raging bitch.
It turned out I couldn't be very delicate.
Ellen is just being Ellen; she is a very helpful person who is very deliberate when she explains herself in game. The way she's deploying the accent with it is making my Southern brain glitch, because that's how Southern Belles talk when they want you to go fuck yourself. The more carefully a Southerner explains themselves, the closer they are to snapping their tether. I know that Ellen does not mean to sound as pissed off as she does. I absolutely can't unhear it.
It's not very good and also it makes my brain hurt so… 3/10?
Silas
You can't fool me, I know Clint Eastwood when I hear it. I cannot understand what Silas is saying worth a good goddamn. 1/10 and that's a pity point because I actually do want to see what happens with Silas
Delacy
Really liking Luke's choices here. He's made a very smart move by mostly changing vocabulary and prosody, rather than the much, much harder phonology and syntax, and then layering the rasp over it to clean up the edges. It does make my throat hurt a little, so 9/10
Nate
So it's my understanding, and I haven't watched it yet but I should because it sounds charming, that Nate's voice is the one Johnny used for their letsplay of Frog Detective. Because of this, I think that the consensus that Nate is Benoit Blanc is probably dead on.
A lot of people agree that Benoit Blanc is Foghorn Leghorn. They're completely wrong, and let me now explain in tedious detail why, because the fact of the matter is SO much more interesting.
Now, we can all agree that Daniel Craig was just fuckin freestyling it, but crucially, he wouldn't sound like he does if he wasn't doing something specific. He is doing a specific voice that we all immediately recognized as "wily older Southern man who doesn't take too kindly to this type of nonsense." He's not doing Kentucky Colonel; he's doing Simple Country Lawyer.
Simple Country Lawyer is very popular in media- Tiny Attorney from Venture Bros, the Hyper Chicken from Futurama, any number of serious films from earlier periods. The newest version I found was this clip from Game Changer. Here's what makes it so interesting: Simple Country Lawyer is a very real register of Southern English, one that crosses dialects. I had friends who went to law school in the early 2010's who studied it. For decades it was the gold standard for both rhetoric and courtroom discourse.
It also preserves really interesting features that have fallen out of most Southern Englishes. Most Southerners used to be /r/-less, a thing that they shared with English people, but the last speakers of SAE with non-rhoticity (they delete R's) largely died in the past twenty years. Simple Country Lawyer is non-rhotic. For example, in most Southern Englishes, the word "power" is pronounced as one syllable, like powr. In Simple Country Lawyer, it's pronounced pow-a.
It was way easier to explain this if I just recorded some of it, so here you go:
The thing is that most people who aren't conversant with that register do end up sounding like they're melting. Johnny absolutely has not escaped this. 7/10 for the accent, 20/10 for letting me talk about one of my favorite registers
So there are my opinions. We will see if they hold, but three hours is a shitload of data, so.
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alpaca-clouds · 9 months
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I really wish people would differentiate
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Honestly, I think one of the things that makes a lot of fandom culture and what not so toxic is the unableness and unwillingness of people to differentiate between "I like this", "This is good" and "People who made this were good people".
Yes, I chose the Howl's Moving Castle gif for a reason. Because it is one of those examples for me. The movie is messy from a storytelling perspective. The movie is also quite bad if you see it as an adaption. Yes, the book is so much better and I adore that darn book series. But also: I love the movie to bits. I just love it. The atmosphere. The characters. Himbo Howl. The soundtrack. Just everything. I adore it. And to me this is not that much of a challenge to think about all of that at once.
But... yeah, fandom discourse often does not work like that, does it? There is a lot of "I like it, therefore it is great and everyone involved with it is an amazing person!" going on. Or "I dislike it, therefore it is bad and everyone involved with it is a scheming villain".
And you see it in so many regards. Be it: "This media disagrees with me politically, therefore it artistically bad". Or: "I like this actor and his roles, therefore he cannot be a rapist." Or: "I love this book and the adaption does not do it justice, hence everyone who made it wanted to attack me personally."
Meanwhile I am sitting there and feeling anxious whenever I criticize something I actually like, because I always gotta fear that some fans are gonna attack me about it, because who am I to dare criticize it.
You know, I really did like Witcher 2 and Witcher 3 as games. I still think there are some issues with the games and that the games really are bad adaptions of the books.
I absolutely do think that Digimon Universe Applimon is not really well written and has way too many filler episodes. Yet, it still very much is my second favorite Digimon season.
I can acknowledge that Christorpher Nolan makes movies that are really good on a technical level - but I still hate each and everyone of those fucking things.
And yes, I absolutely do see that the Fast & Furious movies are brainless, dumb and not even very well done technically. But I have rewatched them more times than I can count.
Also, yes, I am gonna enjoy Castlevania to bits, even though Warren Ellis is a horrible human being and should see some fucking consequences for what he did.
Oh, and also, I absolutely hate Zac Snyder and the movies he makes and think that no matter whether intentionally or not they have some horrible politics. But I also can admit that he seems to be a pretty alright guy, who cares a lot about the people around them and is very fun to work with.
Why is that so hard for people to do? Why? Why can they not distinguish between personal likes or dislikes and... you know... Quality? Or morality? These are different things. You can like something and still think it is pretty darn bad. Just as you can dislike something and admit it is actually darn good.
I mean, dumb example, but: I do love eating at McDonalds from time to time, and you can absolutely get me to leave by serving almost anything from the French cuisine. I will still readily admit that the latter is the better quality food AND also more healthy.
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tatertotcosmonaut · 4 months
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I hope I didn't mistake you for someone else, but I think you're the other mutual I have who's into JJK, right? I only have two mutuals who reads JJK ahahahha. So it should be you...
Have ya read the (albeit terribly-translated) leaks for C248 yet? Thoughts?
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Yes I am the other JJK mutual lol, you weren’t mistaken! I have read the leaks, but I usually wait till TCB scanlations and then official translations (although I hate official translations, John Werry really needs to be replaced) so I can compare them and come to a conclusion about my thoughts.
I’m a bit more ready to negatively criticize JJK than most, but I do so because I know Gege is capable of really good writing. Shibuya is one of the best written arcs I’ve seen, and the philosophy and themes aren’t new but they are written in ways that are intriguing to me.
Sukuna is one of my favorite characters, but the mass Sukuna v. Everyone fight has steadily become more and more boring to me. There’s only so many times I can be “off the edge of my seat” with constant deaths and death scares and “Sukuna defeat” close calls before I just become blasé to it. I was expecting there to be many deaths (it is a war after all), I was expecting Sukuna to be difficult (He is known as the most powerful sorcerer for a reason), but it feels less like a battle of tension and cunning and more close to levels of “last season of Game of Thrones” writing (although not nearly as egregious, Gege is still a competent writer and he clearly is trying to tie this up as best as he can).
The Kenjaku v Takaba fight is, no joke, one of my favorite fights in the series. I think it’s a wonderful display of how cunning Sorcerers need to be whilst showing the creativity of the power system Gege has made. And I think that’s what I feel is missing from the Sukuna fight, or is steadily disappearing. Sukuna is meant to be cunning, he’s meant to be smart, but it feels less like he’s winning because he’s cunning and more because he’s winning because well…Gege needs him to for tension reasons.
The court room fight is a good example of this. Lord I would’ve loved to see Sukuna utilize his intelligence to overcome Higuruma’s domain, it would’ve been much more satisfying than Sukuna getting that one weapon confiscated and the whole fight just ending in like 4 panels and that’s that.
I also will be majorly rankled if Kenjaku is actually dead and gone. There is no reason they should be as Kenjaku, the person that prepared for this whole debacle for over 800 years, is much more cunning than to just be killed by a decapitation. I think it’s fair to say that Kenjaku is the main overarching villain, none of this would be happening if it wasn’t for them, nor would Sukuna be here either. To kill then off as if they were some dumb goon obstacle boss would be an insult to their character. Kenjaku’s connections to the Heian era, to Tengen, to Yuuji and Choso, is too valuable for them to just be gone.
Anyways, I’m intrigued to see where this will go and what Sukuna will do know that he has the ability to go forward with the Merger. Although I’m confused on why he would even bother doing that or what interest he would have in that.
I’m also interested to see where Gege is trying to go when it comes to themes of love, power, and loneliness when it comes to Sukuna. The theme of “it is lonely to be at the top” is budding into something intriguing, which is why I think Sukuna is fascinating to me. I don’t care to much about his fights, and more of him as a philosophical figure, because he his quite philosophical in and outside of fights. His ending conversation with Kashimo was quite cool. He also can’t stop being very homoerotic towards the enemies he fights and defeats. It’s funny to see hm having fun and being satisfied by an opponent and then being sent into a philosophical crisis over human emotion.
Also I am always fascinated by Gojo fans absolute hope in Gojo coming back. I think this chapter sent them into more of a fervor, I am rooting for them it would be funny to see honestly.
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maesterchill · 2 years
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First Line Game
Thanks for the tag @tackytigerfic loved reading your opening lines. Some absolute crackers in there - it feels like we only did this recently but I checked and it was 8 months ago! My previous one can be found here.
List the first lines of your last 10 stories (if you have fewer than 10, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 people!
OK my last 10 fics opened like this:
1. Punkie Night (Drarry, T, ~600 words) Draco is very fucking irritated.
2. Desperately Seeking (Drarry, E, 34k) (not sure if this counts as I started posting it in Dec 2021, but I eventually completed it last month) To the surprise of many (except, of course her brother Al), the brave and fearless daughter of Harry Potter got sorted into Slytherin house.
3. The Gift (Draco/Harry/Teddy, M, 496 words) It was Draco's idea, of course it was.
4. Déjà Vu (Drarry, E, 11k) “Ah fuck… not Gringotts.” 
5. Thunder Moon (Drarry, E, 3.6k) Harry hadn't asked to be a monster. 
6. Nothing Compares (Drarry, T, 3.1k) The first time Harry hears it after Amsterdam, he’s in a pub in Covent Garden.
7. A Quickening Hope, a Freshening Glee (Drarry & Wolfstar, T, 3.9k) "You did it!" Sirius bounded out of the courtroom after Remus and linked arms with him. 
8. Mischief Managed (Harry/Sirius, E, 1.7k) They don't even make it to the bed.
9. Be careful what you hiss for (Drarry, E, 5.6k) It's a little unnerving the first time it happens, but after the eleventh occasion (and yes, I’m counting), it's beginning to get tiresome, not to mention annoyingly erotic, and as well as realising I’m slowly losing my damn mind, I’m beginning to wonder if Potter is quite well.
10. Good Intent (Jeddy, E, 11.9k) It all starts on the camping trip when James gets his dick out in the tent.
OK there you go! I cheated a bit with Nothing Compares, that's actually the second line. But the first line is a song lyric ('It's been seven hours and fifteen days'), so it's not a line I technically 'wrote'.
My favourite is probably the one for Mischief Managed... or maybe Good Intent. I really don't like the Déjà Vu first line and am annoyed with myself for that one, because I wasn't happy with it either at the time and never bothered to change it.
Tagging @wolfpants @kbrick @lettersbyelise @academicdisasterfic @saintgarbanzo @thebooktopus @aibidil @lqtraintracks @skeptiquewrites and anyone else who fancies doing it!
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viridiave · 1 year
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8path2 demo first impressions like less than a week before the full release because I am. So bored.
It's mostly spoiler-free! Mostly!
Ochette - My starter! I relate to her a lot in terms of atmosphere and physique (because I too am small and brown and from an island country)! Mechanically, she's my favorite traveler because of just how much they've buffed the Hunter job - like?? You are just never going to run out of stuff??? For breaking and healing??? Her story's a little slow-starting for now and I'm keeping a close eye on it in case uh - some unsavory things happen. Culturally.
Castti - Out of all the stories, I look forward to playing hers the most. Castti was my second Chapter 1, and my god is it a wild ride. I also just love Castti as a character - like? She's nice without being too motherly or demure? Her personality has darker undertones to it that isn't immediately obvious but it's clear to us that she's ultimately a model apothecary that has a heart of gold??? She's steeped in so much mystery and I'm dying to know more about her
Throne - I was absolutely not expecting much out of Throne. I will admit that Therion's story tempered my expectations a bit - but her story came swinging out of the woodwork being so distinguishable from Therion's that it made me care about her so much like?? I want so badly to see her be free. Her Chapter 1 set the scene for her circumstances and personality so well that it made me attached to her gjdjfjf also her recruitment is S-tier 10/10 Throne is a dog person
Osvald - Man I was actually most excited for Osvald's tale when the trailers first dropped - and while it's still amazing in my eyes, I feel like the other Chapter 1's just whisked me away a lot better than if I just started with him like how I initially planned. That said, I am extremely happy about getting to play as a canonical DILF whose first chapter is a freakin prison break :DDDD
The amount of worldbuilding it establishes is also refreshing like - I just screamed when they explained that he was the only prisoner there with a muzzle and I want so badly to examine the implications of that.
Partitio - Partitio's Chapter 1 made me shed tears. I was not fucking ready. I was not READY for the way they handled his story - it was a refreshing and hard-hitting portrayal of commerce and it does so much for his character like??? There's too much that I can say about Partitio's well-founded optimism and circumstances and personality but I'd be here for hours and I would not be fucking past the scene where he asks his dad to pretend that there was meat in the stew. I love Partitio so goddamn much.
Agnea - Agnea's story is what I'd describe as a lighter Partitio - and I say this in that this was the second-closest time that this game was able to make me cry. I went into this expecting a light story about a girl who wants to make everyone smile, and I got it - but the way they went about it endeared me to Agnea so much that I unironically would bawl if I think about how sweet and earnest she is. I want to see her succeed so bad and my god the full release really can't come any closer huh :'''DDDD
Temenos - I did not expect to like Temenos this much. But then I played his chapter and it begins with THAT and I just - his story is going to make me scream. It already did actually - multiple times, whether it be because Crick is dying of the gay or because of the things it does to my Catholic Guilt?? I feel like I'll end up relating to Temenos the most out of the 8 just because of that angle of doubt it shines on religion even if I do feel like the insurgents are too heavy-handed.
Hikari - Oh Hikari gods bless you. He is precious and I mean this completely as in he is so full of love for his people and that just broke me. He embodies the spirit of 'these are my dear, beloved people. They are mine, and I love them all so much.' and I am a goddamn sucker for it. And he's not without intrigue outside of that either like??? The mystery behind the curse of the Ku Clan??? It mechanically being integrated as his Latent Power and how the voice acting reflects that??? God why is this game so good at this and why is the 24th so far away
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