#and people dare to say that he's a bad grifter
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#leverage#alec hardison#hardison leverage#and people dare to say that he's a bad grifter#god he's so iconic for this loml#taking away this blog's virginity with this post <3 ofc my leverage sideblog had to start with hardison
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ooh, how do you think molly would grift essek?
Alright. Let’s grift Essek.
First I need to note that any objection along the line of ‘Essek is too intelligent to fall for grifts’ is unnecessary, because whatever you think of Essek’s specific characterisation, assuming you are to intelligent to fall for a grift is one of the major ways people fall for them, in a ‘renowned high pressure social group researcher proclaiming on twitter that Sissy Porn is real and dangerous’ kinda way (look it up it’s some hysterical terf bs).
Gonna use that joke as a sidenote that if I am conflating grifts and high pressure social groups in this, it’s ‘cause as far as I care the difference is how self-aware the people running the show are. Watch any MLM-Doku (and I think we can all agree MLMs are grifts) and you’ll inevitably get to the part about weird aspiration culture bs and group pressure. It’s all one soup.
With that out of the way, let’s establish a baseline: What’s Molly’s reason for grifting Essek? Probably money and also the fun of it/being bored. Considering Kingsley abandoned his perfectly fine shipping company job to run off to be pirate king, I don’t think ‘Molly keeps grifting long after the M9 have become financially stable for shits and giggles and because Jester enjoys it’ is too outlandish a projection. Additionally, I don’t think Molly is great with impulse control nor this whole thing where current actions cause future consequences.
Now; why would Essek fall for a grift. Grifting relies on the dupe wanting something more than having good sense about it. Most people want money, so most girfts are structured around greed, but we know money is no object to Essek (though this does make him a juicy target – what he would barely miss might make a good haul for any grifter). We do know he is primarily motivated by knowledge instead, as well as a desire to be recognized as intelligent and exceptional. Additionally, we know he needs (in the character development sense) The Power of Friendship. Lastly, I think it’s fair to say he subconsciously longs for excitement (happy, fulfilled bureaucrats don’t become heretic spies; nor do they befriend a gang of mercenaries; implicitly, Essek is happier living the life of a wayward refugee-adventurer wizard than that of an Evil Gay Vizier Court Wizard or whatever papers a Shadowhand stamps nine-to-five.).
Being a paranoid bastard makes him a harder target, though the fact that we know he has fallen for someone’s bs before (I’m counting the spectacularly bad decision that is him allying with the Assembly as falling for a grift here. That’s a stupid decision to make!) makes him an easier target. Being so socially isolated makes him an easier victim, too, though his general rejection of people and clear discomfort with social interactions makes him an unlikely target for something like a romance scam. Essek’s relationship to tolerating bullshit is a weird one; on the one hand, he does put up with Jester’s (and the rest of the Nein’s) shenanigans, on the other he clearly knows how to and dares to tell someone to fuck off, and there’s that time he just ditches everyone via teleport (hilarious). So boundaries-wise, he could go either way. Lastly, I’d argue he’s at least somewhat impulsive or at least not risk averse. Always remember we are looking at an NPC next to Sword’n’Sorcery Adventurers – Essek might look cautious next to ruin-trawling wizards, but compare him to Gundula, 55, who works in Insurance and just clicked on a phishing link to claim her Totally Real Oilve Garden Gift Card, and you’ll see what I mean – most people are too risk-averse and unimpulsive to, again, commit treason via international conspiracy and then run off without a moment’s notice to dig around a cursed-ass ruin to save the world from a Cronenbergian nightmare.
Conclusion: He’s rich, he’s bored, he loves pretending to be a spy or grand discoverer, he wants to buy your dodgy foreign papers and incredible discoveries about the Luxon so, so badly and he has absolutely no one left in his life who’ll tell him it’s a bad idea.
So, for example, Molly could Voynich him. All he needs is a battered notebook and some writing supplies, whatever knowledge of what wizards’ and alchemists’ and spies’ scribbles look like he can easily pick up from traveling with the Nein and an opportunity to ask Essek to have a look at this encoded notebook he’s been lugging around all over the continent with him, why, he was at this party in Zadash and everyone else was some boring old pompous wizard (such a bore!) so he pickpocketed one of them, just for the fun of it, but, well, turns out neither Caleb nor Beau can make head nor tails of the weird sign code it’s written in (how tragic, if only someone happened to be so much cleverer than both of them!) and if Essek wants to have a look Molly would be more than happy to lighten his pack. For a small pittance, of course.
What’s small change to Essek is probably pretty nice to have for Molly, even by that level and especially if we’re mostly doing this for the fun of it. Essek gets to fall face first into his desire to show up Caleb, Beau and potentially an unknown Assembly member with his clearly superior decoding, espionage and wizardly skills and gain Secret Knowledge, maybe even Assembly Secrets on top of that.
Arguably, this one does rely very heavily on the fact that it’s hard to prove a negative, or in this case, hard to prove a barely-literate conman’s scribbles are just that. Do keep in mind Essek doesn’t know Molly is a habitual conman, but even so, it’s not a fantastic con (Essek isn’t dumb and knows his arcana after all and Molly doesn’t, or at least not enough to make a proper Voynich).
You could make it a better Voynich by getting Caleb in on it, but instead let’s pep it and turn it into a proper Real Stradivari by changing the hints that this manuscript might be legit to being alchemy-related and adding in a shill. Let’s go with Jester, because she’s down to clown, can lie and has a way with Essek’s boundaries.
So this time around, we aren’t asking Essek outright to buy our bogus notes – instead Molly gives him the whole spiel, hands him the notebook, fucks off with as little time to actually look at it as possible before Jester enters the scene to ask what THAT is and go oh it’s about ALCHEMY well, that DOES look like the signs she saw around Yezza’s house, pretty suuuure, oh, do you think it might be Yezza’s? Do you think Yezza might want it? Do you think she should ask Molly to sell it to her so she can give it to Yezza as a present to be nice because she’s such a nice friend who does nice things?
Honestly, the money part is optional if this is wholly about making Essek look up to see if the ceiling does indeed say gullible (and if Jester is involved, it might well do so! Always better to check, with her!), but a proper Violin Drop concludes with the Grifter returning to take their worthless thing back only to be asked to sell by the victim, who thinks the grifter doesn’t know what worth he has. If it was real, offering to buy the notebook would mean Essek outsmarted a minimum of three people (Beau and Caleb can’t crack the code, Molly is too dumb and illiterate to know valuable research notes from the morning paper) and gets his hands on potentially unknown-to-him luxon-related secrets! Alas, it’s not real, as he will realize soon.
So these are two (related) ways to scam Essek. But there’s a third one I want to mention one that is a lot of cinematic fun and I didn’t know had a name until Wikipedia told me no one does it irl (boo! That’s no fun!). It takes a lot of prep, math, and a lot of people and combines Essek’s obsession with the Luxon’s secrets and Molly’s penchant for passing himself off as psychic.
Molly would need something people in Rosohna bet on, like some kind of sport, preferably one with only two results and places people do said betting on said sport in groups. I’m assuming this exists on account of gambling and sports being culturally pretty universal concepts that love to go together.
Anyway. Imagine you’re Essek Thelyss, and one day a bunch of weirdos show up in court with a piece of the god you’re atheistically-heretically obsessed with. A few weeks later, you, having your ears to the ground about new developments regarding said not-god-pieces, hear one of the weirdos has made a name for himself as a outright oracle, correctly predicting the outcome of Fantasy-Dodgeball (Rosohnas’ favourite sport) perfectly six weeks running. He swears it’s because proximity to the Luxon amplified his inborn and long-trained psychic powers to predict the future.
Now, this is obviously bullshit. Except if Essek, being regrettably acquainted with the weirdos, were to ask, Molly would certainly confirm that sure, he has mystic powers and certainly they were amplified by the Luxon and predicting sport results is a hobby of his wherever they go, does Essek want to see? and lead Essek to a bar where every regular can swear on whatever he likes that Molly has correctly predicted the results of Fantasy-Dodgeball since the first week of being in Rosohna, in fact since before he himself knew the rules or track-record of any of the teams. Not only that, but there’s a second bar full of people Molly can introduce him too. And if he wants, he can certainly come back for a drink in one of them again next week when Molly has done it once more. Just call on Molly, he’ll tell you the time and date to meet some true believers, not all of whom can possibly be his shills.
(And, incidentally, barely worth mentioning, really, since Molly’s psychic blessings from the Luxon are so accurate, he has Exciting Business Opportunities for anyone willing to place more than their weekly betting budget in his trust, and he’d love for Essek to take a look at his powers. For a small compensation of his time, of course.)
Of course Molly can’t predict the results of Fantasy-Dodgeball. Instead, the first week of downtime in Rosohna, he found out what people like to bet on in Rosohna and where, picked one or two places in each district, go there and make predictions with a fifty-fifty split, then eliminate each watering hole where he was wrong each week, slowly cutting his audience back to only people who are getting to know him as That Outlander Who Always Knows The Results of Fantasy-Dodgeball, all the while escalating the story from him being just some dude betting and drinking with the guys to the whole Chosen By The Luxon thing. Considering this is a double-scam involving a faith aspect, he might very well still cash in in places he’s been wrong once only since victims of faith-based scams are very likely to overlook inconsistencies in their scammer’s stories or promised results. By the time Essek gets involved Molly’d be down to one or two places of true believers coming to him for ‘always accurate’ tips and a bunch of other people all over Rosohna he might get some money off based on the faith-aspect. And now perhaps one intrigued high-ranking government official who’s more than willing to overlook the hereticism inherent to the whole thing and is instead very likely to fall in the academic glue-trap of trying to disprove something clearly bogus that you do kind of want to believe in because like.
Wouldn’t it be cool? If the Luxon had more awesome powers? And one of them happened to fall in Essek’s hands, with no oversight and no need to cooperate with someone like Trent or Ludinus? Would he not want it to be real?
Anyway. The real answer to this question is: Enlist Beau to send bogus stuffed bills to Essek’s secretary. Bureaucrat on bureaucrat violence, let’s go.
#critical role#essek thelyss#mollymauk tealeaf#not!fic#the Psychic Sp/orts Bet is a long shot but I just like it so much I'm sorry for having Bad (Cinematic) Taste in sca/ms#anyway. I still want the world where Molly lived and Beau taught him white collar crime#Empire Crime Siblings. The dream#sorry this took so long to answer life was busy#whoever finds my spelling mistakes may happily keep them I am. so tired#now with a read more that still leaves this post much too long damn
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I posted 404 times in 2022
83 posts created (21%)
321 posts reblogged (79%)
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I tagged 5 of my posts in 2022
#youtube - 5 posts
Longest Tag: 7 characters
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My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
I just had a thought, as I watch once again people bringing up Harry and feeling sorry for him. 🙄
The statement he made about people grieving his mother, and having to greet those people and listen to them talk about his mother like they knew her and they didn’t know her, how dare they grieve his mother.
Remember that Harry? Wasn’t that your statement? Weren’t you mad at the British public for grieving your mum?
How did you feel on Saturday then? As you stood there once again, accepting condolences that you didn’t deserve, (Harry from years ago deserved them, but not this selfish man child we see now) were you mad? Probably. You’ll no doubt spew your hate about it, once you’re back in LA or perhaps you’ll edit your book and add it in there? Now that she’s not here, I’m sure you’ll be quickly editing it, to make some money off of your granny’s death and exploit some more of her legacy.
Even the day of her death was made about him and his wife. I agree he should have been there, but the minute it was put out that he and his wife were travelling to Balmoral, it became about that and waiting for him to arrive and him arriving late because his wife caused a stink, again.
Lots of people (especially the media and TV people) may be forgetting the shit you and your wife have spewed, giving you sympathy and saying how nice it is to have you ‘reunited’ with William and Catherine; but I don’t see it that way. You don’t deserve the respect, you don’t deserve the condolences and you don’t deserve to be able to grieve within the public. You should be behind closed doors and only allowed out for the funeral, and even then you shouldn’t have a big role.
I can’t. I can’t put it aside for our Queen, I just can’t. I’m sorry Your Majesty, but I’ve watched as he and his wife disrespected you, and your family time and time again; your legacy was stomped on with their numerous lies and vitriol and now I’m supposed to let it go and feel okay with him being amongst the public, accepting condolences like he’s a good grandson? No. I’m supposed to ‘let it go’ and allow him to grieve the woman he caused nothing but grief for, for the past two years? No. That would make me a hypocrite. Yes, he’s her grandson, but he should not be seen or heard from, until the funeral.
I don’t think we’ll ever hear an apology from Harry, because as far as he’s concerned he’s not in the wrong, he thinks it’s all his families fault. And even when she finally leaves him, which she will, he’ll then blame it all on her. You played your part in this Harry, it hasn’t all been her, you allowed it and that makes you part of the problem.
I don’t forget easily and I can hold a grudge like no other. I’m a Capricorn and we hold grudges until the end!
138 notes - Posted September 12, 2022
#4
Mark my words…
They will use this negative reaction to their advantage. They will go back home and spin it in their favour; how it just proved to them that they did the right thing by leaving. How the royals and the British public are all ‘racist haters’ and how they’re so much better off in LA, where they’re ‘safe’.
And when they do, I hope they are asked the question, ‘if it was as bad as you said, and you still received such a bad reaction when you returned, why did you go back?’ And I don’t want to hear the ‘family’ bullshit. You came back because your wife loves the spotlight and any chance she can to stick it to the Royals, but it pretty much backfired didn’t it Murky?
Enjoy your obscurity back in the US and don’t let the door hit you on the way out, you good for nothing pair of grifters! 🖕🏻
158 notes - Posted June 3, 2022
#3
I decided to take today and just make it about the Queen and saying goodbye, I have thoughts on the one who shall not be named right now, but for now I just want to put a few of my thoughts down, they maybe all over the place, so bear with me!
It feels so final. Our Queen is laid to rest and the Elizabethan era is over. Finality, it feels so surreal and so final all at once. Of course I knew our Queen was gone, but the funeral is the last goodbye and makes it all real, but at the same time it’s so surreal to watch history play out and to be a part of it.
The Royal Family did an amazing job today, they said goodbye with such dignity, grace and sadness all at the same time. Every detail of the funeral was beautiful and such a tribute to Her Majesty. It was a celebration of her life like no other, and it showed every inch of the pomp and circumstance that we are so known for.
Prince George and Princess Charlotte, the moment I saw their little faces I lost it. They did so well and with the help and guidance of their loving parents they were able to say goodbye to their gan-gan and once again I’m sure she would be so proud of them.
Moments that stuck out to me the most, especially at the final service at St George’s chapel; seeing the Queen’s fell pony Emma on the long mile towards Windsor and the staff bowing as she passed them. The corgis, when I tell you I lost it seeing the corgis sat waiting for their mistress to come home, I . Lost . It. Something about animals and children, just really break my heart!
The final moments of the service, as the Crown Jewels were removed from the Queen’s coffin and King Charles laid the Queen’s Company Camp Colour of the Grenadier Guards on top, then the Lord Chamberlain broke his wand and laid that upon her coffin too.
And of course her coffin being lowered into the vault, such a poignant moment and final goodbye as a nation.
It was all so final, it felt like she was being stripped of all the things that had made her our Queen at her coronation and she was now just Elizabeth again.
And so you are Ma’am, you’re now Elizabeth ‘Lilibet’ let your crown rest, your job is done. I hope you are at rest and peace, you sure deserve it after 70 years of service.
Thank you once again for everything. Today we say goodbye, but we will never forget you and what you gave us and left us with.
Rest in Peace Your Majesty.
185 notes - Posted September 19, 2022
#2
I feel like some are judging others for how we are dealing with Harry and his she devil being allowed all the air time they’re getting.
Am I mad? Yes. Have I perhaps lashed out in my anger about the terrible twosome? Yes. Do I feel confused as to why they were allowed to be so public, after everything they’ve done and said? Also yes. Have I slowly, over these past couple of days come to accept it? Yes and no. I understand Harry being here in a grandson capacity, fine. But it’s the audacity and sheer hypocrisy of his she devil, standing there and pretending like she didn’t disrespect the Queen in every way shape and form, before and after they left.
And I know I don’t have to understand, I’m not a part of The Royal Family, but as a British citizen, born and bred, who was brought up to respect The Royal Family, and for the last two years (four if you count Markle coming into the family and disrespecting protocol etc) I have watched as the monarchy and all Her Majesty built has been trashed, by that woman and her grandson, all the while clinging onto their titles and exclaiming at every point they can that they don’t care about titles and being Royal, whilst also still expecting everything and everyone to treat them like Royals, whilst once again proclaiming how much they hate the pomp and circumstance and all the ‘stale’ protocol and traditions.
They are hypocrites of the highest order and they should be called out for it. Maybe not right at this very second, because the family need to grieve, but they need to be taken in hand after the funeral and put in their place, finally. Nobody knows what King Charles will do after he has laid his dear mama to rest, but we can only hope he reigns them in.
Did I in my anger for the hypocrisy and disrespect, and grief for our Queen lash out? Yes, yes I did and my temper will no doubt flare again when I see that woman pretend to care and respect our Queen, now that she is gone when she couldn’t be bothered to do it, whilst she was here. She thinks she can get what she wants from the King, because that is why she’s back, she wants what she thinks she’s entitled to and I only hope King Charles puts her right in her place.
So, yes, I’ve been mad and I’m allowed to be mad at the blatant disrespect and hypocrisy surrounding not only Murky, but Harry as well.
Thee end.
224 notes - Posted September 14, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
I found the Paddington clip on TikTok, for those who would like to see it. It really made my heart happy, and a little sad too. 🥹🥰
495 notes - Posted June 4, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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Is it weird I'm getting a little... concerned? for 2po? And anyone desperate enough to still listen to 2po? Whether they be desperate antis, or old bitters clinging wanting to still feel vindicated.
I've just been stacking the things 2po just... was wrong about. And I don't even mean shit like him, gayle, and suzanne being busted lying about meet and greet contents.
Just off the top of my head, 2po takes and lies he brushed under the rug:
The market testing wasn't real
Berens never planned Destiel
Until he did, but only after refusing to accept it all S15
There was never a roadhouse ending
Nothing was omitted
spent 5K (of other people's $) to prove himself wrong about that
The finale was fine and jensen had no issues with it so wouldn't do any of the following stuff below
CW wasn't gonna get sold
CW was gonna turn into 60 year olds to save Walker.
Jensen didn't have executive authority from Zaslav and Roth
18-49 isn't real, 18-49 can't hurt him
he thinks ratings are different from ad view clocking? For reasons
and also ads don't matter for some reason
18-49 won't happen because some exec likes a show
Even though CW's top execs said so. He knows better
it's totes okay for Walker to be the only sub-0.1 8PM scripted show, for reasons (SUBSTANTIALLY SO!!!!)
He thought Winchesters would premiere under Walker/Windy both
He thought Walker and Windy would be the #1 and #2 shows (instead of last in each of their timeslots)
The pilot script was fake, his sources said so!!
The show wouldn't be about dean learning from his parents
the show wouldn't be about letting go of the past and moving on
The show wouldn't be about facing your inner monsters
The show wouldn't be about being unafraid of new selves/futures
The show wouldn't have the confession structured into it
the show wouldn't be about speaking while you have the chance
Am I missing any?
Things he thinks he has on me:
He got confused by a French Rugaru bc allergic to silver like the Australian Wendigo, french regional dialect fucked him up? If he wants I'll give him a cookie to feel better even if it's dumb af?
imagined points i said to find something he thinks he can argue
Even the crew that didn't realize how bad the finale was fucked, not even locking in its licensing till the week before air, they're all faker than 2po, 2po knows all. How dare they be surprised it was that bad. The only truth is 2po's truth.
Calls me a grifter for giving all scripts I find for free??? While having people BUY him scripts to MAIL to him on THEIR dime and not 2po's own? Bc that makes fucking sense. Almost like my free scripts get in the way of his grifting for free shit from this fandom. Fandom didn't learn when he wasted their first 5K so they let him double down at their expense and his material gain.
I got a couple days off track on filming for a few weeks? And then fixed it? Bc I have about 250 MB data on all of this I'm juggling?
Things he thinks the show IS after all the screaming it ISN'T:
Dunno. He refuses to say. Or bet. john/mary stabbing stuff maybe
Bruh. Catch the fucking hint.
what the fuck are you gonna DO when not only episode 13 gets here, but Walker gets cancelled?
no seriously. these antis or whatever they are. dug their hole so deep. So many are parasocialized. IDs attached. some of these folks may be legit self risks at this rate, nobody that's psychologically stable and in contact with reality digs this deep even while CWWin official is shitting destiel parallels and clown nose retweets all across their feed
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Heres some LO gossip. It was in one of her livestreams back in the day, like maybe 2018 or 2019, so its been deleted as all of them are, so take my word for it, but the discussion revolved issues around final fantasy, and I commented about how i found a specific character design to be racist. LO told me to cease the discussion altogether, and I guess I didnt answer in time, because then everyone in the chat hounded me for daring to voice this opinion and Lily said nothing while it happened. I, a black woman, was ridiculed in her chat for saying a character design was racist, and she sat back and did not care. I was called stupid and overdramatic and to shut up because it was bothering LO (my opinion was in one message). I stopped joining the streams after that - i used to be quite the regular. LO would add in things to her script directly taken from my chat messages, quite a few I can recall in the disney roundup series. Tarzan, Lilo and Stich, and Hunchback. I would also correct her a lot on very simple facts, like a certain show belonging to a specific network, or what animators worked on which films. She'd swiftly delete my replies correcting her after editing her scripts/posts. Once I asked her twice, maybe three times, why she claimed Treasure Planet failed financially due to bad writing in one review, but then praised Treasure Planet for its amazing writing in a later review, and she ignored me. I suspect its because its a blatant example of her showing her dumb ass. From these interactions, I realized how disingenious LO is when it concerns racism, how ignorant she is, how unoriginal she is, how little care she puts into research for her work and how cult-like her following is and how much she loves that, she cultivated it. As LO would say, she's a fake and a grifter.
anon, i can't testify about everything else but i vaguely remember someone doing a comment like that during one of the streams. was it a character from kingdom hearts by any chance? if it was then i was there too and it surprised the ease she had to just ignore it after creating so many videos about how everyone else should do their best to learn to be better allie.
at the time i still wasn't totally convinced about the extent of LO's actual indifference towards other people and their issues so somehow i kept giving her chances to prove everyone else wrong. that was one of those moments in which she didn't.
i don't find hard at all to believe you on everything else because she has done the same thing to other people. on her video about SU (you know the one) a black non binary person that LO quoted on her video called her out on her enbyphobic attitudes. did LO ever adressed that, apoligized or tried to do it better? no. and now the exact same mistake she did back then (that non binary people are "inherently interesting") is the exact same one that she does with black people (that hunter would be "inherently more interesting" if he were black). she never learns anything, she just changes the how she's wrong about things.
since that video multiple have called her out for many mistakes on that video and she dismissed them all as reactionaries, even when they were the most polite and respectful anyone could ever be when pointing out a mistake.
i'm sorry that you were treated like that, anon. you didn't deserve to be ignored like that by anyone, but especially not someone that had you convinced that they cared.
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The bots are all fixed!!! Well, they are physically. Mentally is another question which we’re not covering hahahahahaHAHAHA! also wack, no smp members.
@petrichormeraki @helleborusangel
“There, that should do it. We might want for someone to test it out in the near future, but it does look like it’s fixed.” Xisuma spoke as both of the bots powered back on. “I can see why we had trouble before. It looks fine if you’re not actively looking for that problem specifically.”
“Thank you very much Xisuma.” Mumbo said, checking both of the bots over for his own peace of mind.
“Of course. I also got a response from Biffa in the middle of it all, and while he’s not willing to share all the details of his past, he was willing to give a few notes. As these two are player entities, natural world magic is going to help them adapt more to that. He’s willing to come visit in a few weeks to see the two of them if you’re all okay with that.”
Mumbo looked over to Grian who nodded. “That’s more your guys’ call. You both knew him much longer than me. I mean, we interacted of course and he seemed nice, but you know better.”
“Well X, I think that would be lovely.” Mumbo replied, looking back to the admin.
“You know, is it just a family thing to like people in pink, or is it just coincidence.” Grifter spoke up, making everyone look over at him exasperatedly.
“Did you have to follow us in here?” Mumbo groaned, and Grifter just nodded, feathers coming off of him as he moved from stray ones sticking to his clothes.
“Too many chickens outside. Inside’s safer. Besiiiiiiides it’s less boring in here. And I’m the one who even knew what was wrong with your kids. Also yeah, you fixed it, no need for testing.”
“You’re not lying, are you?” Grian asked, crossing his arms.
“Of course not. What would I get out of lying about it?” Grifter shrugged. “They also look like my little pumpkin rolls, so why would I want to hurt them?”
“Didn’t your version of Jrum try killing ours?” Mumbo said with a frown.
Grifter just scoffed. “I told him about the bug! He was going to make sure your kid respawned correctly. I just needed some help and for you not to know. It worked out in the end, didn’t it? It only didn’t work out for those asshole admins and me.”
“Speaking of, Tommy’s old world has a console now. Well, a console other than Grum. Is the hels version the same?” Mumbo asked, genuinely curious, though the smile that Grifter gave worried him.
“Weeeell, the short answer is no, it’s got a new admin. The longer answer is that the new admin is meee!”
“You?!”
“I’m sorry why you?! I’m not the admin here! I’m not even opped!”
“I know you’re fucking not.” Grifter rolled his eyes, pulling a stray feather off of his sweater. “Our worlds are parallel but they aren’t one to one equals, dumbass. And we’re not just influenced by the shit that happens here. May I remind you that I was a Listener when Deevo and Evo started while you only became a Watcher when it ended. Or at least close to the end. And my boys were born before you built these two. The worlds sometimes force themselves together, like NPG staying around when I was gone and my boys not functioning until yours were around or… you know… Tommy being pulled to Hermitcraft after Theseus ran off to Helscraft.”
That got everyone’s attention. “Wait, is that why Tommy doesn’t know how he got here?”
Grifter smirked. “Yeah. After Nightmare got killed, Thee got the admin powers. He was pissed over things and ran off looking for me. Of course I was imprisoned and Dad wasn’t letting anyone near me, so the best he could find was season five. Member changes are always a forced thing, so I guess something pulled Tommy here to fix it that way.
“But wait, won’t that…” Grian trailed off.
“Shove you into the SMP? Fuck no. I’m admin, but I’m not gonna live there. I’m a Listener, I can check on things while living in Helscraft. Besides, things are different with NPG around. I mean, unless I kill him-”
“Don’t you dare!”
Grifter huffed. “I wasn’t gonna! Despite how much I hate him, he was the one person caring for Sense when he was all alone, so I’ll give him that. So no death, maybe just some torture. Anyway, I’m sure you’re visiting, so it balances out. Probably.” He finished with a shrug.
“Oh joy of joys.” Mumbo groaned while Grian looked so done with the world.
While all of this had been going on, both of the bots had completely powered on. At first they just took in their surroundings, staying quiet since it was clear others were in the middle of important conversations. Then they saw each other.
With everything that had happened, the two bots had barely been in each other’s company, and when they were, they were at each other’s throats. Jrum was the first to look away in shame as he could remember most of what happened clearly, but Grum was a bit fuzzy on a number of details. He hesitated, reaching out towards his brother a bit, before just pulling his hand back.
When it seemed the conversation was coming to a close, Grum got Jrum’s attention and used his screen and hands to signal something before looking over to their dads. “Um, Dads?”
Mumbo and Grian both looked over to Grum when he spoke up. “What is it Grum?”
“Could… Could Jrum and I have a bit of time alone? To… talk with each other?”
The pair looked to Xisuma since it was his place. X nodded before helping to lead them as well as Grifter out of the room and to somewhere else.
For a few moments, both of the bots were quiet, just sitting there, unsure what to say. Then Jrum started up the conversation. “I’m sorry for being mad at you. I got all upset at Dad getting upset at family, but then I was doing the same thing.”
“You don’t need to apologize. I was the one who started things. You reacted to my actions and were influenced by those red plants.”
“Yeah, but Dream was messing with you and made you be mean!”
“No he didn’t.” Grum replied, which confused Jrum for a few moments before Grum elaborated. “I started realizing something was weird and I panicked. I was worried I would do something really bad and hurt you. I didn’t know what exactly, and I also wasn’t sure if I could safely tell you. I knew if I said something kindly or nicely asking us to distance ourselves, nothing would work until I explained more. And I didn’t want to have to deal with you asking to stay because I didn’t want you to go either. So I just sort of… let myself be mean. I can’t even blame it on someone else. It was me and only me.”
Jrum was quiet, just processing what his brother had said. Then, after a few seconds, he scooted closer and hugged Grum. “Then that’s not your fault! You didn’t know what was safe to say, and that’s because the admin was - don’t let Daddy know I said this - Dream was a piece of shit!” Grum paused before giggling a bit, not expecting his brother to say that. “What? It’s true!”
“Yeah, I know. It’s just… nice to be with you again.”
Jrum smiled and hugged a little tighter. “Yeah, and now we’re gonna be closer because we went through trauma together! Speaking of which… how long do you think we can milk this?”
Grum pulled away from the hug to rub his ‘chin’. “Well, Dad is more likely to notice we’re up to something, so only a week or two with him. But if we play our cards right, we can keep things going with Daddy for a month. Maybe even more.”
“What? That long?”
“Well, we sort of got stuck in a time displacement bubble for a month all by ourselves and got controlled by different things. We would need to be careful and not make it seem like we’re having a relapse, but if we have a, quote unquote bad day, we can definitely get a lot out of it.”
“I’m going to build a new shop.”
“Good idea, so many people will want to support us. We might even get a discount on some land in Aquoo town. From Scar and not Bdubs of course.”
“Of course, we have more sway over Scar.” Jrum nodded.
“The question is what to sell.”
“Yeah, that part’s gonna be a bit harder. Hmm, maybe a gardeni-”
“Nope! Absolutely not!”
“Ugh, rude. Hmm… Odea two?”
“Ooo, good idea, good idea. It also sounds like we could get some interaction with the SMP after this, we could outsource there. I mean, we already have the connections.”
“Oh definitely. Speaking of, I kinda said Fundy could come visit Hermitcraft a while ago. Do you think that would be allowed?”
“Oh easy. We can even get Michael and his dad to come too.”
“Yes! I’ve always wanted an actual playdate! And this time I won’t be almost killed by a clone!”
“Let’s find our dads and ask?”
“Definitely!” Jrum nodded, and the two bots jumped off of where they were sitting and went looking for their parents.
“Leave me alone Lynn.” Grian grumbled, wings puffing up.
“Not until you tell me what a Listener is doing here!” The other Watcher gestured to Grifter, who was giving her a smirk.
Grian sighed. “Basically I’m making sure he doesn’t destroy everything by keeping an eye on him. Unfortunately that means he needed to come here while I change some records.”
“Really? You changing records? I thought I’d never see the day.”
“Oh shut it. Remember that Watcher I asked about? You couldn’t find anything but I kept looking into it and found two unknown Watchers.”
“And let me guess, you figured out who they were. Was one of them Eyes?”
Grian half shrugged. “Yes and no? Uh, so both of them are my kids and Eyes is like… part of my one kid?”
“Oh you’re an idiot.”
“Hey hey hey! He’s not just an idiot, he’s also a dumbass!” Grifter spoke up, getting glares from both Watchers.
“But seriously. You used Watcher magic to build them?”
“I didn’t think I did! I mean, I guess maybe? But Mumbo was in charge of the redstone and the redstone was the mayoral reservoirs and that’s what was technically using magic.”
“I’m going to have to tell someone about this.”
“Okay. Can you just try to make sure it’s someone that’s not going to completely freak out?”
“Hmm, no promises.” Lynn replied, and then walked off before Grian could say more.
“Oh I like her.” Grifter smiled. “So how do you know each other?”
“She’s the Watcher that was in charge of at least part of the world I grew up in.”
Grifter nodded. “Well I would love to hear the stories she got from there. But that can wait. Where are we going now?”
“Records room. I need to officially list my boys as Watchers and then get their data transferred to their names.”
“Ughhhh that sounds boring. Where’s the cool stuff?”
Grian just groaned and led them to the records room, needing to give excuses to a few Watchers here and there on the way. He was able to quickly grab the needed files since he already knew where they were. Correcting the names was easy enough since they were currently unknown and waiting for the answer. Correcting other forms was harder though. Normally a Watcher had their name officialized before doing much work. Maybe once or twice based on the situation, and that was the case with Jrum seeing as how his only real use of magic was when Grian himself had triggered it. But Grum had a lot more.
Every time Grum accessed the mayoral reservoirs, he was really looking into all the political data that the Watchers had gathered over the years. That alone would be a hassle, but the fact that there was extra paperwork for accessing certain sub categories was causing more issues. Normally you needed permission for data on destroyed worlds, but of course Grum managed to bypass any blocks and get right into the data. And since he was unlisted, it had caused some more logging errors.
Grian half contemplated just flipping the table he was at. It would send paperwork everywhere, but a quick bit of magic would fix it, and it would feel gratifying. But then again, Grifter was here, and who knows how he would react. And Grian expected a worse case scenario there. “Okay, can I trust you for like three minutes to go tell Mumbo it’s going to take a while here?”
Grifter’s eyes lit up a little and he nodded. “Three minutes! Got it!” Grian immediately regretted it, but before he could say more, Grifter was gone.
Mumbo glanced at his communicator for the time. He expected Grian would take a while, but he also hoped he wouldn’t be gone too long. Plus, he was also worried that if the bots were left alone too long, they could get into trouble. He was just about to go check on them when he heard the sound of them running in his direction.
Mumbo couldn’t help but worry about why they were running until he actually saw them. With everything that happened the past few days, his mind kept trying to jump to the worst outcome, but the moment he saw the boys smiling, it calmed him down.
“Daddy! Can we invite people over to play?” Jrum asked, looking hopeful.
“Even with everything that happened, we managed to make some friends. It would be nice to thank them by letting them get to visit here.”
“And I kinda said someone could come visit and they’re kinda our cousin and he knows Auncle Iskall so please please please can they come visit?”
“And Michael was nice too. I didn’t get to interact too much, but he seemed rather nice.”
“Pleeeeeaaaaaaaase!”
Mumbo tried to get them to calm down. “Alright, alright. I’m sure the two of you could use some time to relax and have fun. We just need to wait for your dad to come back so he could get them. It may also be a while since I’m sure he wants to wait for Tommy to want to come back too.”
“Okay! We can wait!” Jrum agreed. “Can we go check the shopping district until then?”
“I’m not sure. I should wait for your dad to come back.”
“But we are perfectly able to go on our own.” Grum pointed out. “And even if something were to happen, the shopping district is so commonly filled with others that another hermit would assist us should there be trouble.”
Mumbo hesitated, but then agreed. “Alright, but see if Iskall is home and then ask them to take you there. I don’t want something happening on the way there.”
Jrum was happy to agree, but for a moment, Grum hesitated, their screen changing a bit. “Could we possibly ask Uncle Scar instead?”
“I’m… not sure he’s around. Grum are you sure you should be going?”
Grum nodded. He didn’t want to leave Jrum alone again. “No. It’s fine. W-We can go see Auncle Iskall.”
Mumbo didn’t look completely convinced, but Jrum’s pleading look got him to look away for just a moment. “Alright, alright. Go on before I change my mind again.”
“Thank you!” Jrum smiled and started pulling Grum away. Grum followed behind, though he still looked reluctant, so once they were in the air, Jrum looked back to his brother. “Oh come on, we’re not actually gonna go get them. We’re just going to say we couldn’t find them and since Daddy didn’t give us a second option, we’re just going on our own.”
Grum nodded. “Thanks.”
“Oh don’t worry! To be completely honest, I completely agree with Grifter about chickens right now and feel like I’ll strangle and turtles I see! I sort of don’t even want to see Professor Beaks any time soon!”
“Is that about the-”
“Yeah it’s about the flipping egg!”
“Sorry.” Grum apologized and Jrum made them land so they could hug each other.
“It’s fine. We already went over a bunch. Life sucked, but apparently that’s like… a family thing. I kinda want to give Daddy trauma though just to make it equal.”
“I think he has enough from dealing with us all.”
“Hmmmm you’re probably right. Okay let’s go scam Scar!”
The two of them eventually reached the shopping district and Aqua Town. It took a little bit of searching, but they eventually found the mayor. He already wasn’t the best and giving good prices for his land, but the fact that he was also up against two traumatized children, one of which he slightly feared, didn’t help his case. In the end, he got seven diamond blocks from the bots and Grum happily started building the new shop.
Jrum went back and forth between the plot and Odea to figure out prices and stocking the place. He was glad to see Grum was happy, and then even more when he saw their dad flying their way. “Dad! Dad! Over here!” Grian heard Jrum and flew down, landing next to the bot. “Look! We’re making a new shop!”
“Oh really? What are you going to sell?” Grian responded, and Jrum had to keep from frowning. The tone of Grian’s voice sounded off. Jrum’s best guess was that something bad happened with whatever he had been doing and he was upset at that, but Jrum also couldn’t be sure.
“Well, it’s going to be a branch of Odea. I’m hoping that if we’ve got lots of people visiting that aren’t all amazing builders and redstoners like everyone here that they’ll want to buy Daddy’s designs! And since everything is moving to Aquway Town, we’re having a place here so it’ll get noticed!”
“Oh, that sounds like a great idea! And it looks like someone’s gotten really far with building already.” Grian looked up to where Grum was standing on the scaffolding, placing blocks down.
“Yeah! I’m glad he looks so happy! Oh! By the way! When you pick up Tommy, can you also ask if Michael and Fundy want to visit? I kinda said Fundy could and then I think Michael would like it too. If his parents have to come along, I wouldn’t mind. And they’re Tommy’s friends so that way he can have people visit too!”
Grian smiled sweetly. “Oh of course we can do that! I’m sure Xisuma would be fine with it all!”
“Yay! I can’t wait!”
“Welp, I’m going to go check on the rest of Aqua Town!” Grian said, starting to walk off. “I don’t want to get too far while I wait for Tommy’s message.”
“Yeah oka- wait. Dad, what did you call this place?” Jrum asked, catching that Grian used the real name of the area.
“Uh… well I better check on Barge Co.! Eep!” Grifter started to back up, but then jumped as an egg was thrown down next to him, followed by another, and then yet another. “AHH! It’s Poultry Man! Run away!!!”
Jrum looked up to see that the eggs had come from Grum, who quickly signalled a sorry to Jrum, which the bot quickly accepted. Grum ended up gliding down to join his brother and the both of them dealt with Grifter, somehow managing to send the helsmit back to Grian, unintentionally making their Dad groan as more paperwork appeared for him.
#hermit!tommy au#hermit!tommy#xisumavoid#xisuma#grian#watcher!grian#grian xelqua#avian!Grian#mumbo jumbo#grumbot#jrumbot#hels!grian#the watchers (evo)
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Is this the latest meme? People jumping on a post that debunks a hoax or a piece of false information to claim that it’s true, with all the sincerity of the Sharks Are Smooth As Hell guy?
I am really fucking suspicious of this, and here’s why.
The degree to which misinformation shapes our political lives, generally in a very negative way, is unprecedented at the moment. You have people who sincerely believed Donald Trump was protecting children from a secret cabal of child molesters who drank children’s blood to stay young. You have people who believe that 570K dead people don’t exist but that a vaccine that has a 1 in a million chance of causing harm is a terrible danger. You have people believing that vaccines cause autism and that the diseases they protect against don’t exist anymore. You have people who believe that socialism and communism are the same thing and literally indistinguishable from totalitarian dictatorship. You have people who believe that a man passing a counterfeit $20 deserved to be slowly murdered in front of an audience of the entire world.
In the 00′s, we had a lot of people playing with edgy, politically incorrect humor. White people using the N word! Hilarious! Can’t you take a joke, you stuffy, too-serious person? Let’s be anti-semitic on main, what’s wrong with you, it’s just a joke? Wouldn’t it be hilarious if we told jokes about women deserving to be raped?
All of these were popular, specifically with white young men (mostly straight, cis and either Christian or atheist with Christian background), and all of them used “it’s a joke” to test out radical right-wing ideology that since then has suckered in huge numbers of people, enough to get a completely incompetent grifter elected president because he was openly racist. That is what bad ideology presented as a joke led to.
The past three days or so I’ve seen this thing going around Tumblr where a really fucking absurd claim is made, and someone debunks it, and a whole host of people jump in and vigorously defend the really stupid claim. Thus far I’ve seen “Joe Biden really did bury a dog” and “The poster’s son really was killed on a ride at Disneyland”.
Now when this was the “sharks are smooth as hell” thing it was funny because there was one guy insisting that sharks are smooth, a lot of people debunking him and being ignored, and it was a new joke... and we hadn’t had QAnon become a serious factor in politics yet, and we hadn’t had misinformation kill literally thousands of Americans. But I’m sorry, guys, this bullshit with doubling down on defending misinformation is not funny anymore, not after COVID and vaccines insert a 5g chip and adenochrome, and it really strongly smacks of the testing-the-waters shit that the white supremacists did with 4chan and PewDiePie and performative racism. Maybe you’re doing it because you think it’s funny, but the thing is, the ironic “reality isn’t real, nothing actually matters because on the internet you can pretend anything is true” stance is literally killing people. Literally. Killing people. Dying of COVID, dying because people would rather believe lies that fit their existing belief systems than accept that the police are corrupt and murderous and that their training makes it impossible for them not to kill people as long as it isn’t challenged and they are not retrained and defunded.
Also, dare I say it: you’re being ableist as hell. Autistic people have a very hard time not going down a rabbit hole of “no! that’s not true!” because we are wired to have a very hard time handling deliberate misinformation. People with high anxiety are likely to be really freaked by photoshops of a little boy being thrown off a roller coaster in the context of a poster insisting that that little boy was their son and it really happened. You’re fucking with people’s heads because you think it’s funny. Some people’s heads are going to get considerably more screwed up than you think, because their neurodiversities magnify the impact of your misinformation.
I have never blocked anyone on Tumblr before. I’m going to start blocking people who participate in this bullshit. I can handle a person with reprehensible ideas; I can argue with them. I can’t argue with people who just laughingly refuse to acknowledge that reality is real and continue to pretend that their son was killed by being thrown off a log flume, illustrated with a picture of a roller coaster and an obvious photoshop. And five years ago I’d have shrugged it off as people telling edgy jokes, but edgy jokes literally contributed to the rise of the alt-right. And misinformation -- which is what this particular set of edgy jokes is playing with -- has murdered thousands of people. Many of whom didn’t believe the misinformation themselves, but were forced to interact with other people who did (tell me, when Republicans went to super-spreader events and got sick with COVID, how many mask-wearing cashiers got sick from them because they refused to wear a mask and kept breathing on the cashier because they thought it was funny, and the companies that employed the cashiers gave them no tools to protect themselves from outright malice from customers?)
So no. Your jokes about Joe Biden killing a dog aren’t funny. Your jokes about a little boy being killed at Disneyland aren’t funny. And your posture that people who take the truth seriously and actually debunk things are people who should be mocked, presumably because who cares about the truth, is disgusting.
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Thoughts (if any) on DC's April 2021 solicitations?
Let’s take ‘em in order! I should be able to muster up a comment on just about everything one way or another.
Green Lantern #1: Oh this is gonna be bad. Heard only the worst about Thorne’s Future State: Green Lantern, and I assume Jo Mullein’s DCU debut will be wasted here to either function as some kind of ridiculous ‘popularity contest’ with Teen Lantern for who gets the bigger push, or as a way to put TL over with a few “good work kid, you got a future” comments. Also, and granted I don’t know how Morrison will end or this will begin, is the New Guardians angle being immediately dropped?
Robin #1: Dope suit, art, and premise, but it’s Williamson so I don’t care.
Batman: The Dark Knight #1: I’ll read this and I expect to like it, but between this being Kubert’s first big Batman project since Master Race, the ‘old but not quite retirement age yet’ angle, and the title, I’m concerned the shock ending here is that it’s actually a stealth DKR prequel.
The Next Batman: Second Son #1: So they really are committing here, though weird that this kinda makes Ridley’s Future State book basically a longform teaser for this. And I’ll get it as it comes out since it turns out this won’t be in that John Ridley’s Batman collection after all - sorry Dustin Nguyen, I love your stuff but I won’t buy an entire trade of material I otherwise already own just for one new story by you.
The Batman & Scooby Doo Mysteries #1: I got that whole great-looking Scooby Doo Team-Up run by Fisch for free on Comixology, I should read that sometime and see if this’ll be worth getting too as well, because it sounds like a hoot.
Challenge of the Super Sons #1: Glad people who want it are getting it, I do not care.
RWBY/Justice League #1: WILL BE GETTING A POST ALL ITS OWN
Action Comics #1030: His powers waning definitely won’t help the standard pre-run fuming by a lot of Superman fandom, but it’s an interesting pairing with PKJ apparently doing mainly cosmic Superman adventures so I’m curious where he’ll go with it. That it’s particularly cited as being tied to Death Metal might validate my suspicion that the new ‘everyone remembers their entire mainstream publishing histories’ thing will play into Johnson’s description of Clark really feeling his age at the start of the run. And Janin on covers even before he gets in on the book proper! And that Midnighter description!
Superman #30: This sounds like where Johnson’s gonna start with that worldbuilding he touted, and I’m curious; definitely reads in this instance like him shoving Clark and Jon into some swords-and-sorcery-esque territory he’s familiar with.
American Vampire 1976 #7: Not reading, don’t care.
Batman #107: I assume ‘the events at Arkham Asylum’ are the ‘A-Day’ ominously brought up in Future State solicits. Tynion Batman, Jimenez as the regular artist now, whatever the Unsanity Collective is, all entirely my shit. More importantly than any of that though, GHOSTMAKER BACKUPS. And drawn by Ricardo Lopez Ortiz, artist on Steve Orlando’s excellent The Pull! Dope!
Batman: Black & White #5: Any other issue and ‘Jamal Campbell doing a life story of Nightwing’ would probably be the highlight, but in case you somehow hadn’t heard Gillen/McKelvie are making their DC debut on a Batman vs. Riddler story here, absolutely wild.
Batman: Urban Legends #2: Even more excited for this now that I’m onboard for the Grifter and Outsiders stuff given how much those features pleasantly surprised me in Future State.
Batman/Superman #17: Injecting it isn’t enough anymore, I need to be on some kind of constant IV drip with this book. I was wondering whether it’d take the premise to further generational riffs or follow a history of mass-media Supermen and Batmen, but instead it’s veering off in a direction I never could have guessed and I couldn’t be more excited.
Batman vs. Ra’s Al Ghul #6: NOTHING CAN STOP THE ADAMSVERSE. NONE MAY DARE TRY.
Batman/Catwoman #5: Wondering how this Harley involvement plays in - I don’t imagine it’s quite what it seems given how King’s written her before. And love that Joker by Mann on the cover, major Clown at Midnight vibes.
Catwoman #30: No reason to assume this run won’t continue to rule.
Crime Syndicate #2: Dammit, I don’t think this book is going to be good, but I’m kinda tempted.
Detective Comics #1035: Wouldn’t be psyched, but Dark Detective was another pleasant surprise so I’ll give this a chance.
The Dreaming: Waking Hours #9: Again, not reading.
Far Sector #11: Sucks a little knowing we’ll never see that little ‘Young Animal’ label in the corner again after this wraps. At least it’s going out on its highest note.
The Flash #769: In a vacuum this would sound dope but I have less than no faith in this, and goddamn that’s a terrible cover.
Harley Quinn #2: I’m sure it’ll be fine, no interest.
The Joker #2: I wanna believe Tynion will be able to make this work, he keeps talking like he has more freedom on this than he has some other books, but everything about this reads like the price he has to pay for relative post-Joker War freedom on Batman.
Justice League #60: It’s Bendis/Marquez on Justice League, lots of people will complain but I’ll mostly dig it. More interested in Ram V briefly getting to write the main crew in the JLD backup.
Man-Bat #3: I’d ask why this exists - and as a matter of fact I still do - but checking out some of DC’s digital-first output recently I see Dave Wielgosz has something on the ball, so maybe he’ll be able to make this work? Perhaps I’ll check it out in trade someday if worth-of-mouth is on its side.
Nightwing #79: I maintain, this is gonna be huge. And clever move to make for how to justify Nightwing keeping up his standard way of business after Bruce loses most of his money.
Rorschach #7: A comic I will purchase and let’s continue leaving it at that.
Scooby-Doo, Where Are You? #109: DC’s highest-numbered comic (that hasn’t gone through an interim renumbering), astonishing. Not getting it myself, but respect.
Sensational Wonder Woman #2: Can’t say this sounds like my thing.
Suicide Squad #2: I’ve been swayed into checking out the Future State debut, but that’d have to really blow me away for me to follow into the main book.
Superman: Red & Blue #2: Sadly if unsurprisingly DC’s clearly not stacking this with AAA attention-grabbing names in the same way as this latest version of Batman: Black & White, but there do seem to be some interesting names from outside the usual big two roster here. And the main and Bolland cover may disappoint but holy cow that David Choe variant.
The Swamp Thing #2: I have no doubt it’ll be incredible but time and again I learn I simply don’t have it in me to care about Swamp Thing regardless of the objective quality of the effort put into him.
Sweet Tooth: The Return #6: Another one I’m not interested in.
Titans Academy #2: Oh lord so this is where they stuck Billy Batson.
Truth & Justice #3: I continue to have no idea what if anything the unifying idea of this anthology is supposed to be.
Wonder Woman #771: Wonder Woman as troubleshooter for mythological mishaps isn’t a permanently sustainable or desirable status quo but I’m down for it for as long as it lasts if it’s any good (though that Immortal Wonder Woman preview...concerned me, in spite of Jen Bartel’s jaw-dropping art).
So that’s 19-23 out of 37 I’ll be getting - if DC’s standard for success with Infinite Frontier is the proportion of their line people will be checking out, I guess it’s winning with me.
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Never Tear Us Apart
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Summary: You always did say you attracted the bad ones...
Pairing: Mafia!Dabi x Jazz Singer Female!Reader
Warnings: Drinking, smoking, cussing, sexy times implied, violence, semi angst I guess, drinking, just some good stuff.
Word Count: 2,509
A/N: I know I know- what the hell am I doing writing another Fic when I still have two to finish, well, when I saw prison outfit dabi, I just- *boom* instant inspiration, I couldn’t help it! PLUS I HIT 200 FOLLOWERS AND WANTED TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL!!
ARTWORK CREDS TO @workofann ! I WAS INSPIRED BY THEIR ART TO DO THIS!! PLEASE GO CHECK THEM OUT!
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How come you only attracted the bad guys? And no you didn’t mean jerks, you meant actual bad guys. Was it something about you that made guys think, ‘Hey this pretty dime looks like she would go for me, a famous bank robber!’. You don’t even have enough fingers to count all the men you’ve been with that end up in jail, or dead! But you’ll have to admit, none of those men took your breath away like the blue eyed devil you called your man.
How could you not fall in love with Dabi? The way he smirked, how he would smoke after an amazing night in bed, but the best of it all was his whisky and campfire scent. It was intoxicating, and if you could, you’d drown in it. From the very first moment that your eyes met, you knew you had to have him and keep those beautiful alluring eyes in your life. For the rest of your set, you only stared at him across the club, making sure to put on your best performance.
Thankfully you also caught his eye, not even listening to the blonde haired girl beside him, or the blue haired man who looked like he might kill the girl across from him. As the boss, Dabi didn’t need to listen, he just needed to give orders and stand back. Never did the man think he would be thankful to Toga for something so insignificant, like finding this underground jazz club. Snapping out of his trance, he made his crew leave, because like hell was he going to let them see you up close and ruining things for him before he even got a chance.
That night, Dabi waited. He waited until you were done so he could talk to you, maybe buy you a drink. As you walked off the stage, a hand reached out to you to help, wanting to make sure you didn’t fall. When your eyes met those shining blue ones again, you automatically blushed, because now those eyes were even closer. Seeing them so close, you could see every little detail, they held so much in them, it felt like you could drown in them.
“So Tell me, what does a guy like me gotta do to buy a pretty little dame like yourself, a drink?” His smooth, but raspy voice brought A smile to your face as you felt your whole body heat up. “Hmm, I don’t know honey… how does tellin me your name sound?” Dabi leaned closer to you, a smirk on his face as he twirled a strand of your hair with his finger, “Names Dabi. Now how about we go dip the bill and I can learn more about you than just your name?”
That’s all it took for you to mindlessly nod and follow the stranger to the bar, unknowing that it would be the first of many nights you would spend together. Not that you were complaining…
*•*
Months later, you found yourself spending all your free time with Dabi. You guys told eachother everything, well at least you told him everything. Even if you had talked about marriage and what the future held for you two, you still didn’t know about his real job, nor his hobbies. You were listening to the radio news while you got dinner ready, not really caring until the crime spot started.
“Touya Todoroki, also known as ‘Matches’, struck again last night. In his wake, 4 bodies were recovered from the burned warehouse that is notoriously known for its storing of pharmaceutical drugs. The bodies have not been identified, but the police ask if anyone has information on the mafia boss, please call the tip line.” You shuddered as a frown made its way onto your face, those poor people… not to mention their families, what if they never find out?
The opening and closing of the door brought you out of your thoughts, and also brought a smile on your face. “Doll? You here?” Skipping out of the kitchen, you prounced on Dabi, arms wrapping around his neck as he spun you around. “You’re home early honey, good day today?” You were so innocent, so sweet, that’s what drew him towards you. But it’s also what made him feel so horribly guilty. Nodding, the black haired man kissed your forehead, “It’s a good day whenever I get to see you doll…”
A giggle left your lips as you stared up at the handsome man, hands playing with his suspenders, “I already love you, you don’t have to flirt with me anymore” Dabi laughed, kissing your nose as he winked, “Who says I flirt for you? Maybe I flirt because I love seeing your reactions to it.” He really knew what to say to make your heart flutter, smiling you kissed his cheek softly.
“So, anything new today?” Dabi asked as he sat down at the table, watching you do the same. “Not really, but the radio was talking about some redhot… even thinking about it gives me the heebie-jeebies” You shuddered as you once again remembered the reporters words. Dabi tilted his head and took a sip of his drink, looking at you curiously, “It was probably just some common thug that the fuzz will put away.” You frowned at your man's nonchalant attitude.
“That’s the thing, they were saying it was some- big named mobster! They had a nickname for him and everything, he popped 4 people!” At the new information, Dabi tensed and his grip on the utensils tightened. “Uh… you talking about Matches?” You pointed at the man across from you nodding, “Yes-! That was it. Touya ‘Matches’ todo-something! I can’t stop thinking if those people he killed had families, and if they did will they even be able to bury them properly?”
The more you talked, the faster Dabi’s heart raced. Those damn reporters never knew when to shut their kissers. Yet, hearing you talk about him in such a negative tone made him fill with guilt. He was nothing but a grifter. He convinced himself and you, that he was a normal 9 to 5 worker, he made you believe that he was anything but the man on the radio. When you saw those beautiful blue eyes staring off into space, you couldn’t help but frown, wanting to know what was troubling him so you could help.
“You look troubled handsome, what’s going on?” Dabi bit his lip and looked at her, a thoughtful look on his face, but before he could answer, the door was broken down and multiple police officers came charging in with their guns up, “DON'T MOVE AND PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEADS” In came a big man, with fire red hair and- and eyes that matched Dabi? Screaming out, you did as you were told, looking over to the man you loved terrified, only to see he had a dark look on his face, anger practically sleeping out of him.
“Where the fuck do you get off coming in when I’m with my girl? Huh?” Dabi snarled, his eyes meeting the red haired detective, in one motion he pulled you behind him. “She doesn’t know shit, you didn’t need to bring the whole chopper squad.” You were confused, but nonetheless gripped onto Dabi like your life depended on it. “Zip it Touya, by the time I’m finished with you, you’ll be begging to be left to fry” Enji motioned for one of the officers to grab you, and before you could protest, arms wrapped around you and started tugging you away.
Dabi didn’t hesitate to react as he whipped around and sucker punched the officer who dared to touch you. Only he was roughly grabbed and pistol whipped by Enji, “Assaulting a police officer? That can earn you a three-spot easily. And your little pro skirt here? I can send her to the house for hiding a thug like you.” You sobbed out, trying to reach Dabi but he held his hand up to you, as of saying stop.
“That’s my girl you’re talking bad about, watch it pig. Like I said she knows nothing, she’s just a little Canary at a small jazz club.” Enji let out a snicker, walking towards you and forcefully grabbed your chin to look at him, “How dumb does this broad have to be to not know she’s been sharing a bed with a punk like yourself?” You let out a whimper, eyes filled with fright as you looked at Dabi, “D-Dabi, what is he talking about?”
Sapphire eyes refused to meet your own, jaw tensing he let a cop handcuff him, “I’m the one you heard about on the radio doll… I’m sorry” His words were a whisper, and you felt as if your whole world came crashing down as you dropped to your knees. Enji laughed before he grabbed dabi’s arm, “You’re an embarrassment to the Todoroki name.” The red haired man scoffed, earning a glare from Dabi, “You ain’t no angel yourself, pop.”
As they dragged Dabi away, you didn’t even know what to feel. He lied to you. This whole time he lied to you. You didn’t even know his real name. Who was the man you fell in love with? Was that just a cover? A facade to hide from the police? When everyone was gone, you still stayed in your spot, tears rushing down your face as you felt like you had been beaten down. Could you even love Dabi anymore?
*•*
Ever since that day, you had no contact with Dabi. Even if he hurt you, you still listened to the radio to hear about his trial, or any news related to him. It had been 2 months without him, and you couldn’t find it in you to let him go. When the reporter announced that Dabi was sentenced to life in prison, you couldn’t help but sob. You were going to have to let him go, even if he was the love of your life, you still wanted to get married one day, maybe even have kids. You wanted all those things that you were supposed to do with Dabi, but now you can’t.
After he was properly sentenced and sent to his new home, you started getting letters frequently, all of them from the same place Dabi was held at. Even if your heart begged you to open each letter, you couldn’t. If you did, you’d fall right back into his arms and be stuck on him til the day you died. After a month of letters, they stopped coming, only for dabi’s associates to come knocking at your door. But you ignored the loud banging and calls for your name, maybe- just maybe they’ll think you moved.
While you were a mess, Dabi was even worse. Sure, he was basically the king of the house, but it all meant nothing when he lost the only thing he loved; his queen. Dabi grew worried, thinking something might have happened to you, so when he sent his associates at your door, imagine his surprise to know you were alive. He knew he messed up, but like hell was he gonna let the image of him being dragged away be your last memory of him.
Since the day he was arrested, Dabi was planning his escape. He had some of the jurors on his pay grade, not to mention most of the guards at the prison owed him a favor. One day, later in the night, Dabi was being ‘transported’, his little informer Hawks had him all set up for the perfect escape. The handcuffs would ‘malfunction’ and he’d be able to free a hand from one of the silver bracelets, granting him more than enough leeway to escape unharmed.
As he bent down over one of the now dead guards, he took in a deep breath, stealing the pack of cigarettes that was on the corpse. “Keigo, did i ever tell you that you’re my favorite little snitch?” Yellow eyes glared as the blonde man cleaned up slightly, “yeah yeah, just shoot me in the shoulder and go get your gal.” Dabi laughed before shooting Keigo in a place he knew wouldn’t kill him, but still make it seem like he wasn’t part of what happened.
There was no hesitation in dabi’s actions as he stayed in the shadows but made his way to you, still in his orange jumper and partial handcuffs. All he knew was that he needed to see you. It was late, probably about 10 pm, so he knew you were probably asleep. When he reached your building, he started climbing up the fire escape, counting the floors as he went up. As he reached your window, he didn’t hesitate to open it, slightly upset that it wasn’t locked and just anyone could come in.
Though when he entered, he had a cigarette hanging loosely between his lips, blue eyes automatically landing on your fully awake figure, clutching a crowbar. “D-dabi?” Tears filles your eyes, as you pinched yourself, trying to make sure you weren’t dreaming. The man before you chuckled, walking towards you, “I was getting worried something happened to you doll, it stings to know that all along you’ve been avoiding me.”
Even if he had a playful tone, his eyes were full of hurt, but it soon changed when you collided with his chest. “H-how? I thought I was never going to see you again, and- dabi I had to keep my distance or else I would never be able to let you go!” The black haired man hushed your rambles, a hand coming to stroke your hair, “I’m sorry doll… I promise I ain’t ever leaving you again.” A smile spread to both of your faces, but you soon looked worried.
“What if they come here looking for you? What will we do?” Ruffling your hair Dabi went and grabbed your suitcase, putting it on the bed. “We won’t be here for them to tear us apart. I know a place for us to stay and they won’t ever get to us.” You nodded and started to stuff your belongings into the empty bag, heart racing with excitement of the unknown. “We’ll never die out, right Dabi?” Dabi nodded, hand coming to cup your cheek, “Right doll…”
#mha fanfiction#mha imagines#mha dabi#bnha dabi#dabi imagine#dabi headcanons#dabi x reader#dabi smut#dabi is a todoroki#bnha touya#mha touya#touya x reader#bnha au#dabi au
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Brother P1: Shadow Moon - American Gods
1,252 words.
Some fluff. Some dumbassery. A lot of not giving a shit.
Platonic Shadow x reader
“Masterlist”
Life is as life does and sometimes it’s a pain in the ass. Especially when life involves Shadow Moon and his tendency to find himself in trouble.
You sighed and rolled your eyes as Shadow fought the leprechaun.
The stupid redhead shouldn’t have pissed Shadow off. No matter what kinda luck the guy had, you never piss off a grieving man or insult his dearly departed.
“So,” the grifter said. You think back to what Shadow called him, Mr Wednesday; the name reminded you of Odin, the Norse god. “Thick as thieves, you and Shadow are?”
Prison had a way of bonding people.
You nodded, your gaze remaining transfixed on the brawl.
Blood was getting everywhere at this point. By the time the other would be knocked out, both of their shirts would be soaked.
You said nothing, giving away less. The man gave you an odd feeling. Like he wasn’t fully who he said he was and had more secrets and tales to tell then any normal human should.
Mr Wednesday hummed, looking in the fight’s direction.
“Not much of a talker are you?” He asked. With no response, he said, “Thought not. You’re not mute, are you?”
Without moving your head or giving any sign that you heard him at all, you spoke, your voice horse and rough from not speaking for a while.
“Ditch,” you said.
Mr Wednesday nodded. Whether or not he understood, didn’t matter to you.
The man gave you a bad feeling and you didn’t want to spend a moment more around him, even if it meant being temporarily separated from Shadow.
Pulling a red crayon from your pocket, you wrote, “See you at Eagle Point.” on a piece of paper before ripping the paper off.
“Shadow,” you said, handing the note to Wednesday.
He took it.
Maybe he would give it to Shadow. Maybe not. With people like him, you never know.
•
You relaxed against a wrought iron fence. The kind that’s usually around cemeteries.
Never once had you understood why people didn’t like cemeteries. They were quiet. Peaceful. Relaxing, really. They were places to mourn and to grow.
The night sky only added to the serenity as you stared up at it.
Shadow walked to the gate, sullen. When he got there, he couldn’t look at you. But, he didn’t have to for you to understand. After three years of cramped space and having very little options of who to talk to that won’t get you killed, you get to know someone, understand them in a way that others can’t or won’t.
You placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.
He looked up at you and smiled quietly.
“Thanks, Y/N,” he said.
Over the last three years, Shadow had learned how to understand you without you verbalizing.
When it comes to someone who rarely talks, it’s something of a necessity.
•
The streetlights orange and white glow illuminated the wet road.
You glared ahead.
An unnatural chill seeped in the air. Not the usual, “it’s early Spring” chilly. It felt more, you didn’t know, more mechanical, than normal, more artificial.
You didn’t like the taste of the air. It didn’t taste as it should
Not to say that you were the superstitious type. You never had been. Belief in the otherworldly wasn’t something you were keen to believe or cared enough to think about. But, something felt off. It felt wrong. The air, that is.
You didn’t like it.
The lights began to shut off. Pair by pair.
Immediately, you tensed.
That wasn’t normal. Street lamps flicker and burst, not shut off, not at this time of night.
You grabbed Shadow’s arm and pulled him along, trying to make him go faster, but the lug wouldn’t, which is infuriating.
“Y/N, hold on, what’s going on?” He asked. “Why are you freaking?”
You gave him a look.
Shadow still looked lost.
“Okay, you need to help me out here,” he said. “I’m not fluent at Y/N yet.”
Biting your bottom lip, you thought, trying to form a sentence he would understand and you could get out.
Something clicked in your head as you remembered the crayon and pad of paper you had in your pocket. Fishing for the items, you grinned as you felt them.
You pulled them out and quickly wrote a message and showed it to Shadow.
“This is like the beginning of a bad horror movie,” was scrawled on the paper, barely legible from you trying to write without a table.
Shadow shrugged.
This was the calmest thing that had happened to him since he got out.
Out of the corner of his eye, Shadow noticed something white fluttering nearby. He could hear the sound of lots of wings.
You could hear them too.
As you looked over, a chill ran up your spine. Freezing in place, you began breathing heavily. You didn’t like this. Whatever it was. Not one bit.
You looked over at Shadow and he made eye contact with you. Then, looking at, what you assumed to be, a box under the fluttering things, Shadow stepped toward it.
Knowing you wouldn’t be able to get him to look back over, you spoke, your voice rough, “Don’t you dare, Shadow Moon.” You sounded like a scolding parent.
He continued like a moth to a flame
“I’m just going to check it out,” he said.
You laughed to yourself.
“Or we could be the people who survive the horror movie and leave it alone!”
His stupidity was infuriating.
Shadow turned around, in a slight shock of the number of words spilt out of your mouth. But that didn’t stop him.
He spread his arms out wide and walked backwards toward it with a grin.
“I’m still doing it.”
Sighing, and hating yourself, you followed after him.
If he had a death wish, the least you could do was be there for him.
Shadow crouched down, the light from the box shining bright as the fluttering things disappeared. There were several sticks lying around, wet from the rain. He picked one up and poked it.
“Don’t poke it!” You hissed.
Looking innocently up at you, as if that would temper your rage, Shadow asked, “Why not?”
You looked him in the eye.
“If we die today, I’m gonna have a hard time forgiving you,” you said.
A strange sound emanated from the box before beginning to open. As it finished, it reminded you of a weird as fuck version of a pair of VR goggles.
You sighed and pointed at the thing. “That’s why.”
The thing lunged at Shadow like a face-hugger from The Alien movies. But, being the idiot you are, you pushed him out of the way, the thing latching onto you in his stead.
A blackness clouded your vision before the light shaped in these triangles. They reflected in your eyes. A singular white dot with horizontal streaks appeared, like turning on a TV in slow-mo. The light flickered between white, blue, and red. It shrunk. Then, these planks unfolded, building something from it. A room. A long, ass, mother-fuckin’ room. At the end, a sofa formed along with a figure. It was blocky and strange, but it did look like a person.
“Well, hello there,” the person said. “Who the fuck are you?”
You looked at him, blankly, and groaned, regretting everything.
Losing your voice, you pulled out your pen and paper and wrote. “An idiot. And you’re a god. What about it?”
#american gods#shadow moon#ricky whittle#shadow moon x reader#platonic#platonic!reader#mad sweeney#pablo schreiber#laura moon#emily browning#mr wednesday#ian mcshane#old gods#new gods#technical boy#bruce langley#tech boy#imaginethatneathuh
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prompt: modern MDZS, Wen Qing berating someone as she does DIY bullet removal
Leverage AU, huh? Sounds like you want to talk about a Leverage AU. For this H/C ask meme!
“Everything was under control, Wen Qing,” Wei Wuxian says, smiling through clenched teeth. There’s drying blood gluing his slacks to his skin and sweat beading on his forehead and throat, but his hands don’t tremble as he lowers himself into a chair. He at least has the good grace to sit at the table, so that she’ll have somewhere to put her supplies. She’s going to murder him anyway, but it’ll be much more convenient to kill him in a kitchen chair than on the couch. Wen Qing likes her couch. She intends to keep it blood-free.
“Clearly it was not,” Wen Qing half-snarls, and she snaps a hairtie around her bun to keep her hair out of her face as she glares down at him. A quick rummage in her pockets produces several purple exam gloves, liberated from the hospital during a shift and forgotten. “A-Ning, get me a towel from the kitchen, one of the flour sack ones, and a bowl of warm water, and the shears kit from the junk drawer. Everyone else, figure yourselves out, I’m not running a daycare.”
A-Ning, who’s always been a good boy even if Wen Qing is taking pains not to know what he does with his time these days, vanishes like a cat into the kitchen. Mianmian, who has sense, promptly knocks her knuckles against Wei Wuxian’s head and says, “Be good, Yuandao,” before she flops down onto the couch without regard for her regal evening gown and apparently goes to sleep. Nie Huaisang, who knows when he’s no longer needed, picks his way across the room to Wen Qing’s only armchair, and folds himself up like an origami figure that looks very unlikely in his suit.
Lan Wangji, who has never done anything convenient in his life, remains standing beside Wei Wuxian’s chair and blinks at Wen Qing.
Wen Qing has no idea why everyone pretends Lan Wangji is completely unreadable. He couldn’t be clearer if he printed make me move, I dare you on his forehead. He’s smeared with blood, all down one side from half-carrying Wei Wuxian to her doorstep, and he’s bruising up blue on one cheekbone, and there’s a table knife tucked into the pocket of his suit jacket, bent out of shape into makeshift brass knuckles. Wen Qing doesn’t really feel like fighting the point just now.
“Fine,” she snaps, “just stay out of my way. And you,” she adds, pointing at Wei Wuxian. He cringes a little, because he’s smart. “We’re going to have a talk.”
“Jiejie,” A-Ning says, reappearing with towels and trauma shears in hand. She doesn’t twitch when her brother pads up behind her and lays the lot on the table. Wen Qing is used to her brother drifting around like a ghost, and to his wide-eyed expression of trying to get on her good side. “Don’t be mad at him.”
“I am very mad at him,” Wen Qing says. “Bring me the water or I’ll be mad at you too.” Wei Wuxian snorts out a breathless laugh, and Wen Qing grabs the trauma shears from her tidy pack of tools to shut him up. “So,” she says, crouching down and briskly cutting up the seam of his pants toward his knee. “What the fuck happened?”
“Got shot,” Wei Wuxian says, helpfully.
“I can see that,” Wen Qing says, and only barely resists the urge to give his leg a shove and see if that makes him focus up. She cuts the extra fabric away, straight across the knee crease, and gives a light tug on the rest, just to check if she might be able to get it off immediately. Wei Wuxian makes a breathy noise, like a swallowed gasp, and she absently touches his calf, a soothing gesture until the trembling eases. “Can I get a little more detail? Was it a cop?”
“No! I’m--I’m just a hacker, people don’t shoot hackers,” Wei Wuxian says with completely false confidence. “People shoot, I don’t know, cat burglars and hitters. Lan Zhan’s been shot, right, Lan Zhan?”
“Clearly, people shoot hackers too,” Lan Wangji says flatly. But then, because he’s weak, he adds, conciliatory, “But yes. Five times. It is my job.”
“My brother’s never been shot, right?” Wen Qing raises her voice at the end, over the rush of water in the other room, and hears a squeak of alarm.
“Uh--that’s right, A-jie!”
“Because I would kill him,” Wen Qing tells Wei Wuxian matter-of-factly. “And then I would kill his entire team that got him shot. You understand that, right?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Nie Huaisang confirms from the armchair, because he might be a ruthless son of a bitch when he feels like it, a mastermind whose best game is poker and has the mask to prove it, but he’s also a well-trained younger brother and he’s never once had the guts to fuck with Wen Qing. “Wen Ning has never been shot.”
“Good,” Wen Qing says forbiddingly. “Because I don’t ask questions about what you get my brother into,” she continues to Wei Wuxian. “Just like I didn’t ask questions about how my brother paid for my degree. But that doesn’t mean you get to show up on my doorstep at eleven on a Saturday night with a bullet hole in your leg, and answer no questions.”
“That’s fair,” Mianmian says, without opening her eyes. “You have to give her that one, Yuandao.”
A-Ning slips back into the room and puts a metal bowl of warm water on the floor next to Wen Qing’s knee, and then walks into the bathroom, because he’s a good boy and he knows what she’ll need before she can even ask for it.
“This is going to hurt,” she tells Wei Wuxian, quiet and serious. "Keep talking, it’ll keep you awake.”
“You’re so mean to me,” he complains as she wrings out a cloth until it’s only damp. “You won’t even let me pass out? I got shot! I got shot taking down the CEO of an oil company, by the way, you should--fuck!”
Wen Qing’s free hand locks around Wei Wuxian’s lower leg, a practiced grip to hold him in place as he startles at the pressure on the wound. “Hold still, and it’ll be quicker. Tell me about your latest idiot crusade, Wuxian.”
She soaks the blood-stiff cloth until it can be cut away and lets Wei Wuxian’s shaking voice wash over her, barely listening. Something about an oil spill, and a family whose entire town was crippled when the fishing industry went belly up. It’s all very idealistic. It’s all very Wei Wuxian. They got the guy on camera shooting a civilian, though, which is apparently just icing on Mianmian’s grifter cake of very illegal bank transfers and a burgeoning RICO case.
“Okay,” Wen Qing says, when she’s cut away the rest of Wei Wuxian’s pant leg and exposed the bullet wound--halfway up his outer thigh, blessedly clear of the artery, but clearly a very small caliber, the kind of thing a CEO might be able to get into a benefit without looking excessively paranoid. Which brings her to... “Well, this is going to suck a lot,” she says.
“It already sucks a lot,” Wei Wuxian says, and his laugh is a little hysterical. “What in particular are you thinking about?”
“Next time,” Wen Qing says, carefully dipping her tweezers in rubbing alcohol, “get shot with a bigger gun.”
“Absolutely not. What? I’m not getting shot again, and definitely not with a bigger gun, what is wrong with you?”
“This bullet didn’t go all the way through,” Wen Qing says. “So I’m going to have to take it out. A-Ning, come here and hold a light. Lan Wangji, hold him down.”
Wei Wuxian lets out a breath and it trembles, but for all his dramatics, he’s never been a coward. Once, when Wen Qing was in undergrad and she and her brother were surviving the fallout of the Wen mob going to prison in droves and Wei Wuxian had just been kicked out of the Jiangs, he cut open his palm with a broken glass. He sat on the floor and let Wen Qing pick shards out of his skin for twenty-five minutes, and joked and teased the entire time.
“Okay,” Wei Wuxian says. “I’m ready.”
It’s a bad hour, as Wen Qing pulls the bullet from his thigh and then puts two stitches in the hole. Wei Wuxian doesn’t scream, doesn’t cry, just takes shallow, shuddering breaths and doesn’t move. Sometimes he even laughs, a ragged sound of apparently genuine amusement when A-Ning wonders aloud if Jiang Yanli is going to kill them before Wen Qing gets the chance, and a bark of vicious humor when Nie Huaisang reports that their target’s been arrested on more fraud charges than you could shake a stick at.
“We’re not telling A-Li,” Wei Wuxian says when Wen Qing finally tapes down gauze and collects her bloodied tools into the emptied water bowl. “She’ll come look sad at me.”
Wen Qing summarily ignores him. Instead, she looks at Lan Wangji, who looks nearly as shaken as Wei Wuxian. He’s not holding him down anymore, but his hands are still resting on those stiff shoulders, a thumb smoothing over the skin at the nape of Wei Wuxian’s neck just above his collar. Wei Wuxian’s head tips a little toward that side, resting lightly on Lan Wangji’s forearm without apparent concern for the blood on the hitter’s wrist. Maybe Wei Wuxian’s, maybe whoever got to experience the pleasure of being punched by one of the Twin Jades.
“Don’t let him do anything stupid,” Wen Qing tells Lan Wangji firmly. "I can get him antibiotics--you are taking them, Wei Wuxian--but I’m not getting him painkillers, because the second he feels okay he’s going to get A-Ning to teach him to free climb a building or something, and A-Ning is going to do it because I raised him terribly, I guess.”
“Hey,” A-Ning says.
“Tell me I’m wrong.”
“I will keep Wei Ying from doing anything stupid,” Lan Wangji recites obediently, and goes up a few notches in Wen Qing’s estimation.
“We’ll get out of your hair, Qing-jie,” Wei Wuxian says, stirring like he’s going to get up, and Wen Qing stands and sighs and scowls, and peels off her gloves to make a neat little ball of latex in one palm, all the blood concealed inside.
“You can stay here,” she says. “You can take A-Ning’s room and he’ll sleep on the couch. Everyone else, you have to get out unless you want to sleep on the floor, though,” she adds, pointing to the two in her living room.
“I will stay,” Lan Wangji says.
“Yeah,” Wen Qing says, already distracted by the odds of being able to find a pharmacy open at this hour. “A-Ning has a full, you’ll fit.” Wei Wuxian makes a choking noise, which she ignores. “I’m going out to get ahold of some meds for you. Don’t do anything stupid, and lock up if anyone leaves. A-Ning, don’t let this idiot leave.”
“I won’t, A-jie,” A-Ning says obediently, and Wen Qing stomps into her bedroom to change into something not speckled with blood.
#the untamed#mdzs#wen qing#wei wuxian#wen ning#leverage au#fic meme#ask meme#starlight writes stuff#YOOOOOO SORRY THIS IS LONG BUT IT WAS SO MUCH FUN#okay so here's the deets on the leverage au#ex-insurance-investigator-turned-mastermind!nhs grifter!mianmian hacker!wwx hitter!lwj and thief!wen ning#wen qing and wen ning were already disowned by the wen empire when the wens went down because wq refused to be a mob doctor#she and wen ning observe a strict Don't Ask Don't Tell policy about his payment for her medical degree#but he's really good at stealing and they're mutually PHENOMENALLY well-educated on every crime possible#golden tower insurance used to employ the nie bros but nmj died and nhs blames them and got hired to oversee some thieves#before lwj worked with leverage (which was actually wwx's idea that he brought to nhs and continues to spearhead)#he worked with lxc as a grifter/hitter team (the so-called twin jades) that the nies hunted for literally years#to the extent that nmj and lxc like...went and got drinks a couple times. they were bros. lxc has Strong Protective Feelings about nhs.#they bring lxc in as a guest grifter sometimes as well as sometimes using jc and jyl as Legitimate Business comrades#meng yao still works for golden tower and the endgame shit here is taking down the ceo of golden tower#and installing his son in his place because jzx gets to be kind of unexpectedly tight with leverage inc over time#the rest of these will not be so long but i got hype about this one#i'm not going to queue this i'm just gonna post it#tanoraqui#asked and answered
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Have you ever heard of Leverage (TV series)? It is about a five-person team: a thief, a grifter, a hacker, and a retrieval specialist, led by former insurance investigator, who use their skills to fight corporate and governmental injustices inflicted on ordinary citizens. I like to think that Akira would do something similar when he grows older. If you don’t mind me asking, what types of jobs do you see the members of the Phantom Thieves having as they grow up?
i’ve heard of the show but i haven’t seen it myself, although i 100% agree that is totally akira!!! i think akira, at first, holds a lot of odd jobs because he likes meeting new people, seeing different places, and having all kinds of experiences...and it keeps his schedule flexible so that he can work as a burglar. he only steals from those who deserve it, doing meticulous combing of their backgrounds and digging all the dirt on them - he retrieves valuables for himself and often grabs blackmail material too in order to make them change their ways. however, akira works as the daring, hands-on type, becoming a modern day arsene that thrills the public with his daring heists and brings people to justice for crimes that wouldn’t otherwise be brought to light. he does this for years but...he scales a lot of high-rise buildings, a dangerous gamble that finally doesn’t go his way one night, and the fall he takes leaves him with a bad back and using a cane after lots of physical therapy to recover. he moves forward after that to go into activism, using a degree in law to work as an advocate for prisoner’s rights in japan...but definitely still continuing to work as a thief that now orchestrates heists in a similar way to what you mentioned where he stays behind the scenes. SO...i’ve thought plenty about akira obviously sdkfsjfd but as for the others!!
- ryuji is a physical therapist - i never thought ryuji actually came off as dumb tbh, he just seems unfocused and like he’s given into labels. like i noticed that ryuji can be incredibly insightful and asked some really good questions...and i just want him to achieve so much more as an adult than he ever thought he could. he works especially well with kids, connecting to them easily and having the kind of upbeat, high energy they need to feel happy even after a serious injury. and i imagine ryuji is like. super buff. dude’s ripped. and the kids can see that he has an injury too but it didn’t stop him working out, playing sports, or having a good life even if there are certain things he can’t do (i hc ryuji lives with chronic pain and running is eventually too hard on his leg) he’s honestly a great doctor in general who makes people feel at ease even if he can be overly excitable, it’s just part of his charm lol
- ann does become a model like she wanted, but i imagine she gets a business degree to learn how to eventually run her own modeling company. she wants a place where the models feel safe, where they aren’t used or abused in any way, and all claims of harassment are taken DAMN seriously and ann will ruin any photographer/company/manager that tries to take advantage of a model. additionally, she really wants to expand the kind of models that can find work in japan - ann herself knows what it’s like to be singled out for being different, but she also knows she doesn’t face half of what many minorities do. she wants them all to be see as beautiful and fashionable, she wants all people to be able to open a magazine and see someone like them held up as the image of beauty.
- yusuke can’t be anything but a fine artist lmao his work includes a TON of travel, finding inspiration in all corners of the globe as well as making tons upon tons of international friends wherever he goes. he stays with them more often than not, barely even having a permanent residence, and none of the thieves are surprised when they get a text from him backpacking in australia or exploring a city in peru. it makes his work super eclectic, a beautiful blend of styles and compositions that he’s seen around the world (madarame WISHES he actually had the range!!), although his favorite will always be traditional japanese painting since that’s what his mother loved.
- makoto initially goes into the police force wanting to be a commissioner...but even she is shocked to learn how disgustingly corrupt the force is. she knows what akira faced and the trumped up charges that would have been brought to the phantom thieves, but actually getting into on the other side was something else entirely. so she decides to work for internal affairs to climb the ladder to the top as quickly as possible. yes, she wants justice in the streets, but that will never be accomplished is the police are simply allowed to do as they please, so she decides she must take them to task first. it’s still working in a corrupt system, but she is MERCILESS, never caring how many people attempt to brick her out - she knows every loophole and makes various connections to get her where she needs to be to bring crooked officers before a court of law.
- futaba continues to live with sojiro for a long time, but she easily develops her own software and makes good money from it. i sort of got the idea that futaba could definitely make a living like this from p5d honestly, where she says she made the top app in the app store but just did so anonymously (or something like that!!) so she didn’t get paid. i think she would just develop software and games and things like that on her own because traditional work just doesn’t suit the way she thinks and operates, and she’s happy to work all on her own. she also definitely, definitely helps akira with his heists and stealing info on assholes that deserve to be taken down while doing her own hacking on the side.
- haru continues to oversee the company, but i think she scales it back quite a bit in order to be sure they maintain good quality and good policies. like ann’s business, all of her employees feel safe and comfortable to report any grievances and it’s known as one of the best places to work as haru keeps a close eye on things. she does get the cafe she wanted, although she wishes she could be there in person more. she works closely with the manager and all the employees know her though, making an appearance at least a couple times a week to relax and get that one on one interaction with her workers and customers. it has a beautiful little garden too that anyone can help tend, plus haru makes sure any unused food goes to help those in need (and those in need can always come to the cafe for a meal, just like her grandfather wanted).
- goro goes into law, where he works as a lawyer in family court. i always really liked the idea of him being a lawyer since i think his relationship with sae was an important one, but it’s definitely just a passion for him too because he’s tenacious in getting the outcome that’s in the best interest of children in any given case. he knows how little the legal system tends to care about kids in these disputes, and it’s even worse when they are orphans or in foster care, so he wants to be the one person on their side even if he has to fight against the whole system for them. and he. really definitely does fight that system tooth and nail, known for being brutal in court and exceedingly thorough in the evidence he compiles. no one took him seriously at first because oh he’s just that wannabe kid detective, but they all learned VERY fast how dangerous an opponent he really is. surprisingly, though, everyone sees the total 180 he does talking to kids, his voice soft and warm but full of confidence, and he’s done amazingly well helping out social workers that otherwise can’t find an advocate
#i don't really have one for sumi yet sdfhsdfg#will have to cook on that for a little while#BUT YEAH THIS WAS LONG ANYWAY#most of them are what they wanted#bc i want them to live their dreams ok ;o;#they're out there doing the most good dfkgdfg#p5#long post#Anonymous
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Big Sigh: aka my thoughts on BL3
Okay. It's 4 in the morning and I have managed to fuck my sleep schedule completely sideways and I've been reading people's complaints and criticisms for about an hour now so here's what I have to say about Borderlands 3. This is gonna get long, buckle up.
Borderlands 3 has potential that was never fully realized and it seems half-finished and underdeveloped.
Now, you might want to take this with a grain of salt because I haven't actually played it for myself yet, but I've been watching streams of whatever I can get my grabby little hands on and here are my impressions.
I agree with the majority of you who say it was a disappointment. I feel like we were overly hyped. Maybe it was just active imaginations and excitement and love for the series, but when my friends and I can come up with at least three different storylines for the twins alone that are (in our opinions) better than what actually happened?? Something went wrong, narratively.
You all know I could talk for hours about all the different visual aspects of just Troy and how we got answers for virtually none of them - but I won't fixate entirely on him this time around.
In general, there's some kind of disconnect between what we were expecting and what we got. Characters seem one-dimensional or just "off" in some way, and granted, it has been seven canonical years since BL2 (so about five since the events of Tales, if I remember my timeline correctly) and people do change. Seven years is longer than you think, especially in an environment where literally anything could happen.
But in order for that change to be believable, it needs to be backed up by canon. I'm not saying we should have gotten a bunch of side quests that detail the years between then and now for every single character, but even just a few lines here or there as we go about our missions would have been better than leaving a gaping hole. Too much of a hole is not "let the audience fill in the blanks," it's just bad writing.
Rhys and Vaughn? As far as I know, they barely acknowledge each other. I know a lot of people are displeased with Vaughn's development and while I like the feral Vaughn, it's just a single aspect of his character. In Tales, we got to see him transform from a nerdy, gun-shy dude into someone who embraced the danger of Pandora and learned how to roll with the punches. I'm glad to see how confident he's become in BL3, but again, I feel like they distilled his character down into just one basic part.
I was actually pleased with Rhys, to be honest. I think his voice acting captured the essence of Troy Baker's, and I think he retained more character fidelity than some of the others.
Fiona, Sasha? We don't necessarily need to see them (though I would have loved that), but even overhearing a conversation from some NPCs regarding "those grifters Rhys used to run with?" "Oh yeah, I hear they're Vault hunting now" would have been fine. Just something to acknowledge that they're out in the world doing something.
I've heard big complaints about Aurelia and while I haven't played TPS and don't have too much of a grasp on her character, I can see the frustration. From what I've gathered, she doesn't seem the type to go full bloodthirsty, full money-hungry like she was made out to be. Again, seven years can change a person, but if you're going to make a change that seems out-of-character without context, then give us that context. Once more, it seems like a distillation of character to further a plot that, frankly, would have been better and more interesting if they hadn't done it.
I'm going to briefly touch on the whole Aurelia/Troy thing again (weird jealousy aside) because I've found out why it rubs me the wrong way. The twins don't operate like that. From all other negotiations we see, it's either cunning diplomacy or brute force. Aurelia didn't need to fuck Troy to get him to torture Monty Jakobs for the Vault Key. He would've done it anyway. This whole thing seemed like an attempt at an obligatory sex joke that, again, needed context to make us believe it could reasonably happen. But instead we got nothing, just a weird scene that seemed out of place for both characters involved. The only thing it contributed was foreshadowing that "the sister always wins."
And speaking of the twins, here's the meat of the problem: wasted potential.
Let's look at what we've got. Sirens. Twin sirens, one male. Already a game-changer. These guys are a living, breathing anomaly in the rules of this universe. Add in the beautiful religious aesthetic and the mystical Great Vault and we've got ourselves some amazing options.
But what did we get? We got a lackluster sibling relationship (although it did have some gems, I'll admit). We got a half-hearted betrayal that ended up amounting to nothing. And in the end? We got our ultimate villain on a quest for more power. Y a w n.
Why doesn't Tyreen listen to her father as he pleads with her? Why does she hate him so much? Where's our context?! It seems like a lack of communication more than anything. Typhon never once refers to Tyreen as a monster, which is how they saw it growing up. In fact, she seems to be the favorite. He calls her "starlight." He begs her to listen, that the Great Vault won't give her the power she wants. He's remorseful of how he raised them, resigned to what they've become, but up until the end he's trying to convince her to stop until it reaches the point where he knows he can't anymore.
What got the twins from point A to point B? I get it, shitty parental behavior leaves lasting trauma, especially when there's a layer of bad communication on top of it. But show us this, somehow. Please Gearbox, give us context. The vulnerable moments we got from the twins and Typhon left me wanting so much more of that, in particular. The talk about their childhood, the stargazing, Troy's admission about their mother, all of it was just a hint at something deeper that I feel like we never got to fully explore.
I feel that way about the whole game. Everything was the tip of an iceberg and we never got to see the rest underneath.
Imagine if Ty wanted to find the Great Vault because it would allow Troy to live a healthy, self-sufficient life. What a plot, huh? Supportive villain siblings? How dare I. What if they'd realized their mistake before it was too late. What if something woke up anyway? Something more ancient and more dangerous than ever. Let the Eridians have their time to shine. They've been a background force this whole series; pull the biggest twist and tell us that not all of their civilization was lost after all. For God's sakes, tell us more about sirens. We learned jack about shit for all their promises of "sirens will play a big part." Do the twins count as one? How do the powers pick the person?
This is getting incredibly long, so here are my closing thoughts. It doesn't feel finished. It feels like they released a half-finished ending to a series. The final events wrap up cleanly, hardly giving a new opening for a sequel, and yet there are still holes and loose ends galore in the story. I know that we still have DLC to get through, but given all of this, I'm trying not to get my hopes up.
Give us more story, deeper story, deeper characters, and most importantly, context.
Anyway. You know where to find me if you want rewrites and fix-its.
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A Land of Gardens Black. Part 2.
Part 2: The Catte Army that Baps, Far and Away we Travel Still...
What ho, what is this?
You’ve returned to our play? I cannot say I’m surprised I took your breath away. Very well, I can see you thirst for more of this bard! I am not wont to deny audience hunger this hard. Let me restring my lute, and twine my guitar, figure simple words out I can rhythm very far. Yes of course! It is time, and I must not disappoint. I believe our next chapter begins where roads joint. Where was I? Oh yes! It is time we took notice of Cattes. Of stalwart brave fighters who oddly take naps. It is time, I do think, to appraise the Catte army of Baps.
Stare out if you will, and do not miss a thing. Complexities abound when I get ready to sing. You and I see a town, quite the normal seen sight! Though do you share my wonder why they lack any light? Streets awash with people in clutters and slums, nary a working street lamp just rows upon rows of bums? We see here two roads in the middle of town, and two groups on said roads, all sharing in frowns. A blockade on both ends, and two blockaders at that, one group for the Botanist queen, the other sworn to Catte. Let’s look in now, stay quiet! You don’t want them to hear! Perhaps a bit of eavesdropping with make things more clear.
“I demand passage!” He cried out in the direction of a conifer tree, tapping his cane on the cobbled path as he walked into town. “I have a message for her Lady of Cattes! It is quite important!” The blindfold he wore made seeing the blockade of Her Lady of Botanist Divinity hard to see, not that it mattered as he still was aways from the road yet. “I am Aster of Chants! A monk sent by our Lady of Divine Pure White! The Botanist Queen Herself!” He bumped into a light pole, and demanded audience with it. “It is imperative she hear this right away!” While Aster chats with a light pole, let us see what else is happening.
“What do you mean I cannot cross? I have friends over there! This is absurd!” At the borderline stood stalwart a woman of impressive strength and azure hair. On her person she hefted her shield, her sword, her backpack, her friends backpacks, a water heater, a steer, a baby carriage, half of a tree (the best half, if you were wondering), exactly three uneaten pies, and a loaf of pumpernickel bread, all tied together into a fashioned backpack of sorts made of rope. Her eyes glared at the men and women that guarded the border, their pristine white uniforms opposite the enemy border watch in black uniforms that guarded the other side of the street. An enemy watch that was… exactly 10 fulms away from them, facing the other direction.
“We are sorry Lady Braum the Azure Knight, but there is nothing we can do.”The pristine white uniformed man said. “It is the Botanist Queen’s orders that no one travel beyond this street. There are rumors and more than rumors that a war is about to break out, and we must be ready. It is for your own good that no one be allowed to cross.” The white uniformed person told the azure knight of absurd encumbrance.
“Hah! You would say that you white uniformed dog! I spit on your mother’s grave and speak to your father about your crass language! HMPH! It is the Queen of Botanists that sways and grows ever dangerous!” Exactly 10 fulms away from them, a black uniformed soldier turned ever so slightly to throw his insult. It wasn’t a very good one.
“How DARE you!” The white uniformed soldier replied. “I will see you to fisticuffs on the battlefield, you Catte soldier confederate! You, you, you… MEWLING!” That last insult drew an audible gasp from everyone present. Ashe, Azure Knight of impressible mettle and bizarre encumbrance, remained at her side and waited. She would be waiting a while.
Meanwhile on the other side of the blockade, exactly 10 fulms away a small group of travelers sought passage. Most of these travelers were heavily cloaked, however one… “HURRR you cannot do this to me! Do you know who I am?” A beefy shirtless man stood staring down his side of the blockade, blond beard bristling. “I am the second greatest Dragoneer, second greatest lover, second greatest puncher, wine-taster, dead-lifter of weights, and skipper of stones and coins. Why, were I not a peaceful and negotiable man just trying to sell people on the fine art of shirtlessness! I would show you the strength that has been passed down my family line for gene-” Just then he was interrupted.
“Heeeeeey,” A singular voice clamored accusatory, surly, feminine and quite direct. It was a voice that echoed high in the streets, demanding attention and notice. It was Z’ylarix of Fire, and she strode upon a steed/chocobo/chair/bear/owl combination. For you see, Z’ylarix of fire used everything, and rode everything, all at once. “I see you there. Don’t deny it! You will come with me this instance! There is no escape, not any more for deserters like you!” Striding forward atop a, for the sake of convenience we’ll call it a ‘mount’, from the direction leading into town, Z’ylarix of Fire pointed her sword/dagger/staff/knife/other dagger weapon (To be fair, it is quite impressive despite its odd name) down on the well-cloaked crowd. She called someone in particular out, but whom it was not yet quite known. “It is time you came with me!” One of the cloaked figures broke out from the crowd, and began making a mad dash away, only to be caught in Z’ylarix’ patented net/ropes/trap/box/assortment of trinkets that was thrown by the dark rider herself. “There is no escape! The Admiral demands it!” From there, the netted body and Z’ylarix rode away.
After a travel, large and imposing black gates open and creak, and the room beyond requires much of me to speak. It is wide in its scope, and tall in its lift, and in threw Z’ylarix the man known as the agent of Grift. Still in a bag, and the bag in a net, you’d be wise to consider his death a safe bet. The Grifter did shuffle, did sway and crawl out, only to look on at his peers with a definitive pout. He wore an eyepatch, and another on top. Another and another which all shuffled with a hop. Let us hear in and see what this meeting does bring, perhaps more revelations upon which I will sing.
“SO,” She scowled, and we shall get into who she is quite quickly, for now her face is covered in a black mask. “The MAD PATCHER! Made any eyepatches lately?! Or perhaps… CONSPIRED WITH THE ENEMY?!” She, the Admiral of Cattes and Lord of the Gardens Black, stood up and slammed her rifle onto the table, letting it lay there as an object of imposing fear. Under her black mask, the Lady of Cattes twitched her cat ears, and flicked her cat tongue, and scratched her cat nails along the table. She wore red sewn with red stitching, red fangs on her black mask, and red draped on her cloak. She wasn’t grand, but imposing, commanding the room.
The Mad Patcher replied. “Oi don't nu waaat yer are blatherin' aboyt.” He spoke an eclectic… accent? Speech pattern? He.. did he even speak? Or was it some form of grunting? “Al' oi want is for peace among de people. dat is al', perhaps we can reach a resolushun? wud yer care for an mince pie patch?” The Mad Patcher was called so for his abundance of eyepatches. He wore an eyepatch on an eyepatch, and another on top. He wore patches on his shirts, on his pants and on his boots. He wore patches on his fluffy Catte ears, and it was rumored he was once a time ago a sailing Corsair of some type. Now he was just the Mad Patcher. If there was a thing that required a patch, the Mad Patcher was there, ready to patch.
The Black masked Queen of Cattes was having none of it. The Admiral of Cattes took out another gun (this one more a derringer), and shot the Mad Patcher in the shoulder, causing him to wince and bend. She laid that gun out on the table next to her first. “WHAT SAY YOU my COUNCIL? He has chosen his side. Shall we show what happens to those who do not choose correctly?!” The Admiral of Cattes looked on her council, and waited to hear their wisdom.
To the Admiral’s left was Kai Aries, the astoundingly cute. She wore pink sweaters and frills, and pink ribbons on the frills. Pink bows on her ribbons and pink tassels on her bows. She was small, but not tall, and had big eyes but no tail. She had cat ears, and wore a pair of cat ears behind her cat ears. Kai Aries was known for her resounding style, and also her battle precision. Kicker of groins, there was not a foe downed by her that didn’t wheeze for days after. Men feared her kicks, women feared how her kicks could hurt so bad, and her allies feared naught but being dressed up in pink on a whim. To deny Kai’s proclivities of dressing people outside of the Admiral in garb meant... well, you can guess it. Yup. A kick to the groin. She gave a thumbs down. “The Patcher did not let me patch his pants pink. I say punish him.”
Past Kai Aries sat Catherina of the Lynx, and in her shadows peered out from pure darkness the eyes of 1000 cattes. Not a simple thaumaturge, she was a black mage. More than a black mage, her every shadow was pitched in darkness, and in each shadow a pair of catte eyes glowered out from. In the curves of her form fitting gowns, in the crease of her bent knee, under the brim of her hat. Catte eyes. She sat bored, reading a book laid inside another book inside yet a third book. “Oh? Him? I suppose yes. He should be punished. Go ahead.” Each word Catherina spoke was echoed by meows coming from everywhere and nowhere, and as she finished speaking she returned to her book. Disinterested.
Beyond Catherina was the Mookie of Boolie, a large buxom creature of insectoid and feline nature and elusive dangerous beauty. Not quite a wasp, nor butterfly, nor a caterpillar, not a catte, the Mookie of Boolie was at once a little of many differing insects, and sat upon a tufted mushroom of multitude vibrant colors. She smoked a pipe, blowing out idly as she observed the Admiral’s rage. Hailing from the land of Boolie, Mookie was the ruler of the distant realm on the edge of the Garden’s Black. She ruled for she was the greatest of her species, the Queen of Boolie, and all respected her and the hard earned title. Mookie slowly piped out several circles, blowing an arrow through each expertly. “Not lewd enough for my taste. I vote punish him. Humble the egotistical fool.” Her words cut through the smoke rings, an air of dominance through them all.
Lastly to the Admiral of Catte’s right sat, or more so loomed, the shadow of Aifread. I say and emphasize shadow as Aifread did not speak, did not possess shape, did not do more than loom dangerously. Her shadow cast 15 fulms high behind her, but where the shadow originated from, nothing sat. Just a spectre with flickering cat ears. Long did rumors circulate that Aifread was nothing more than a simple Catte once, much like many of the denizens of the Garden’s Black. Other gossip placed her as a pool of liquid shadow that did the dark biddings of her dark Admiral of Cattes. Still others said Aifread was once a normal though affluently wealthy Catte, yet bought herself the right to cease to exist, thus becoming a shadow of ill-intent. Whichever was true was little known, what was known however, was she was easily distracted. Sitting to the Admiral’s right, the shadow of Aifread, again merely a shadow near 15 fulms tall, noticed a mouse and pounced. The Admiral of Catte’s regarded Aifread. “Well? Which way do you sway on the matter?” With the reminder given, Aifread, again a massive cast shadow of a creature, pointed down. Her vote was given.
“VERY WELL,” The Admiral of Catte announced her decision, laying yet a third gun on the table with a slam. This one a drum magazine style tommy-gun. “You, Mad Patcher shall be punished for your impunity! I declare the punishment as… DEATH!” Having said that, the Admiral of Catte’s leveled her fourth gun drawn from her coat, this one a sniper rifle with a solid oak stock, and fired. POOSH went the bullet, and the Mad Patcher fell over in a slump, shot right between the eyes. Dead.
Minutes passed, and a conversation about changing the curtains to a shade to match the new season began. They decided on paisley. Then, “UUUUUUHHHH” The Mad Patcher inhaled sharply. “T- Tanks me queen .” He said, barely understood.
“Now, think about why I killed you next time you go and do something stupid Mad Patcher. To the dungeon with him! I demand he be killed at least 5 times before breakfasts, and 15 more before dinner for the next two sennight!” With the Admiral’s declaration, black uniformed guards stepped up to, picked up, and carried the Mad Patcher away. “And no desert for him! The delinquent!”
Now we have seen a bit more of the cast, and yet the third still waits to be shown at last. We have met Aster of Chants and Ashe the encumbered, but what of the rest who are still as of yet unnumbered? What of Locke of the Tin, or Maeze of the paths, or Kayne the pure or of Lulu of Crafts? What of Naih the quite strange, or Anhashy the bold, what of all of the clans of Blacke who hail from the cold? We’ll meet them all soon, and more I do swear, I just have to muster the desire to care. What is that you say friend, there is story to tell you must hear? Yes, I believe we’ll begin again when the tune once again finds my ear. Just time to rest, that is all I do ask, soon once again in my tale you all will bask.
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Enemies to Lovers (Part 2)
Won't Let Go of You for Nothing by AFangirlFantasy
Words: 3k
Louis’ new neighbor is playing their music offensively loud, and he’s fucking pissed. Every night this week he hasn’t been able to fall asleep because of it, but tonight, Louis refuses to suffer again. Taking matters into his own hands, Louis goes over to knock some much needed sense into their brain.
Things may or may not go the way he plans.
Or a Love/Hate neighbors AU
Like You Hate Me by KrisStylinson
Words: 6k
“You have poor taste for someone with the last name Styles,” he says, turning to show the back of his pants to Harry—the pants Harry had just stitched his name across last night to keep this type of thing from happening again.
Of course, he’s accomplished nothing but indirectly making himself pop a stiffy over Louis fucking Tomlinson.
say i hate you but i always stay by clicheanna
Words: 8k
Or the one where Harry hates Louis, he's almost sure Louis hates him, and they live together. Driving him to football practice everyday is not apart of Harry's plans, but Louis is pretty adamant if it means annoying Harry.
A Stór Mo Chroí by kiwikero
Words: 9k
Louis is a young laird from Clan Sutherland and Harry the chieftain of Clan Gunn, and an alliance between their clans isn't enough to convince the two of them to get along.
Shut Up and Wink at Me by kikikryslee
Words: 14k
Or, the one where Louis wants to go away to college to get away from everything having to do with his hometown. So when he finds out his roommate will be Harry Styles, perfect school athlete and the exact opposite of what Louis wants in a roommate, he's not happy about it.
kiss me on the mouth and set me free by suspendrs
Words: 17k
Or, Louis is a gamer and Harry is a beauty guru, and VidCon is a good place to fall in love.
you flower, you feast by stylinsoncity
Words: 18k
He's King of the Underworld, but don't assume Louis has it all. He could stand for some excitement in his monotonous, eternal life and maybe, even.....a soulmate.
(Despite not having a soul.)
And along came "Harry".
the boys of fall by godgavemelou
Words: 21k
OR an american football au where the boys play for the university of tennessee, and harry and louis quite hate each other.
written in the stars (that's you and me) by fackinglouis
Words: 22k
Written for the prompt: Louis is a funny and bratty psychic and Harry is set on proving he's a scam.
Staring Across the Room by allwaswell16
Words: 26k
Harry Styles has a great life. He’s a children’s librarian at the New York Public Library, he’s got wonderful friends, and he loves cooking, green tea, yoga, and his collection of bow ties. He doesn’t mind that his life seems a little structured, maybe even a little boring. But when Louis Tomlinson joins the library staff as the new Installation Coordinator, things become a lot less predictable. Louis gets under his skin right from the start, bossing Harry around, making noise during story time, and eating the last cupcake in the staff lounge. Louis may be almost offensively attractive, but Harry will not be succumbing to Louis Tomlinson’s charms, even if the rest of the library staff have.
Mine Now by aclosetlarryshipper
Words: 32k
This is the story of how Harry finds himself pouting in Louis’ passenger seat with a raging boner on the way to seduce his ex boyfriend.
like it's a game by soldouthaz
Words: 32k
there is little harry hates more than truth or dare.
and louis.
(we will be) as if chosen by alivingfire
Words: 35k
Or: the course of true love never did run smooth, because sometimes people are stubborn and sometimes people are scared and sometimes, just sometimes, love can cause just as many problems as it solves.
I Hate You by mediwitch3
Words: 35k
Harry and Louis hate each other, a lot, but they pretend to be friends for the sake of their careers. One night, during an argument, they bang. They can’t keep their hands off each other after that.
Be with me so happily by BriaMaria
Words: 42k
aka Louis is the director of the Styles Elephant Sanctuary and really doesn't want to babysit his funder's spoiled lay-about son for two months
no pressure, no diamonds by karamelised
Words: 42k
Louis is a thief, Harry a grifter. They are thrown together for a huge diamond heist in Paris, where their past soon catches up to them.
Wonderwall by AFangirlFantasy
Words: 43k
Or a Love/Hate College AU where Louis Tomlinson is the lead singer of The Rogue - the most popular band on campus - and Harry Styles is the talented Freshman unknowingly challenging all that.
bruise you like a peach by falsegoodnight
Words: 46k
There’s two reasons Harry despises Econ.
The first is that it’s boring as fuck. The second reason is a bit more personal, a bit more focused in a way. As in it’s focused on one specific thing, or in his case, person.
His name is Louis Tomlinson.
Beauty Behind The Madness. by ZiamsLarry
Words: 59k
Harry doesn't meet the worlds perspective of looks, causing him to be judged every time he leaves his house. He never lets it get to him, because he knows that when he gets home at the end of the day he has the most beautiful little girl waiting for him.
So with just her and the lovely old lady down the hall who babysits her, Harry thinks his life is good enough for him.
Of course it all changes when the appartment across from him gets new attendants.
Why Can't It Be Like That by taggiecb
Words: 63k
A fashion AU with a royal twist, where Louis doesn't need a stylist, Harry's thrilled to have a real life Barbie doll, and they're both very wrong about each other.
The Art of Being a Gentleman by frosteddream
Words: 64k
Out of all four of the Styles children, Harry has always been the most adored. He is the handsome, intelligent, and oh so charming golden child of the family, the perfect son who will soon be married to the perfect woman, a beauty queen named Victoria Astaire. Despite how loved he is among all who reside in the affluent town of Alton, his siblings absolutely despise him. In order to stain his squeaky-clean reputation and get their traditional, old fashioned parents to despise him as much as they do, they devise a plan that involves Harry’s giving nature, the desperation of a mother and father, and a mischievous boy who doesn’t give a damn about what’s proper.
to lure a hummingbird (you had me moonstruck) by brokenbeaks
Words: 81k
Or: An enemies-to-lovers fic where Harry and Louis are neighbours who are forced to get along due to the inconvenience (or convenience) of a broken lift.
Nothing But You On My Mind by nonsensedarling
Words: 83k
Louis Tomlinson is a PR manager hired to improve the image of royal bad-boy Prince Harry Styles. Unfortunately for him, that means being faced with the Prince's constant innuendos, incessant dirty jokes, and relentless flirting. Louis just wants to make it to Princess Gemma's coronation; once she's crowned Queen, his contract is up and he never has to see the Prince again.
Runaway Land by daggerinrose
Words: 103k
Louis is sure he’s stumbled upon a secret, underground nightclub, though that is far from the truth. He’s also pretty sure he’s stumbled upon Apollo, which… isn’t very far from the truth, actually.
Modern Greek mythology AU.
Learning to Breathe by youcomecrash
Words: 110k
He’s playing football at one of the top universities in England and he should love everything about his life right now, but instead he’s moving backwards. How does your past fit into your present? Louis is still figuring it out.
Our Lives, Non-Fiction by indiaalphawhiskey
Words: 113k
Heralded as the next Neil Gaiman, Louis Tomlinson does not appreciate being told that his very serious novel is in dire need of a PR boost. Even worse, that it comes in the form of a joint book tour with the UK’s #1 online romance-writing sensation Marcel Styles. Already turbulent at best, their partnership takes a drastic turn when, overly stressed about his looming deadline, Marcel accidentally blurts out a secret: though he’s famed for his scorching hot literary love scenes, he is, actually, a virgin.
Convinced that the only way to rid himself of writer’s block is to gain some experience, Marcel asks Louis, author-to-author, to sleep with him – for Science. And of course Louis agrees because, well, what on Earth could possibly go wrong?
Empty Gold by rainbow_kings
Words: 148k
In the final year, when Guildhall produces and performs an original play, Louis is heartbroken to learn the lead role has been been received to Harry and he's the second role. He's mostly terrified, however, when he realises he has to date Harry in the play as their characters. They come together through awkward stage kisses that transforms to hate sex, heated arguments, rehearsal times after lectures and baking carrot cake together.
Collision by itjustkindahappened
Words: 206k
Mythology/Fairytale!AU in which Louis is a dainty fairy with a temper who wants to be intimidating and Harry hurts people. Naturally, they hate each other.
♡ credit to the owner of the manip
♡ past themed recs here
♡ updated: 3.21.2021
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The Demagogues Are Here (and They're Smarter Than Trump)
by Don Hall
As attempted coups go, that was a fucking mess.
Trump, like the anarchists and zealots he emboldened (on both sides of the horseshoe), had no other strategy than Burn it all down and see what happens. His M.O. was so incredibly transparent to anyone paying attention. First, distract and deflect from anything he couldn't lie about. Second, lie. BIG. A lot. The more truth obfuscated, the less centralized the potential for objectivity until all truth fits the postmodernist subjective reality mold. Third, use the passions and emotional immaturity of those most convinced by the lies to inflame the situation. Wind 'em up and let them go.
Granted, we have to give the man some credit. He introduced incredibly sticky terminology that will far outlast his four years in office. Fake News. "Every body knows" as a sign of evidence or proof. "Loser" has taken on an entirely enlarged importance due to Trump. While primarily the quintessential bullshit artist, the man knew exactly how to use social media in ways that have been constructive for everyone from middle school kids trying to out their classroom bullies to college students unhappy with their professors.
His use of Hitler's Big Lie technique is almost unparalleled.
So, if the man was so good at this despot thing why was his coup attempt so blatantly obvious and unsuccessful?
Ego. Trump is so in love with himself and the aura of invincibility he's created that he didn't care that it was in plain sight. He wanted it to be in plain sight so that he, and only he, would get the credit for it in the end. Hitler had a host of sidemen, each equally brilliant and despicable as he. Trump surrounded himself with sub-par bigots, industry insiders, and his moron children so that he was always the smartest person in the room.
His only real problem is that he is far from the smartest person in Washington, D.C.
The only action that will eliminate his threat to our country (or at least severely minimize it) is in the hands of the Gods of Social Media. Take away his bully pulpit and Don Jr. is the only one he reaches. Zuckerberg snapped his FB and Insta until after January 20 but he should consider it permanent if mitigating the TrumpFire is a goal. Twitter has closed him out temporarily -- should be permanent.
Yes, Trump will be a problem for us until the fatass finally clogs his heart-hole up with a Big Mac and he croaks on the shitter like Elvis but at this point, we have more insidious things to worry about.
The demagogues of 2021 have been watching. They've been fine-tuning their approach to power and are constructing their own Big Lies to spread. Unlike Trump, they aren't supposed captains of industry and have no designs on public office. They've seen the constraints of political power and know those obstacles are not the clear road to dominance.
Like Trump, they've seen the power of populism gone rogue and intend to use us against ourselves in exactly the same way. That's how Trump came to power. The Russian hackers didn't rig our election, change votes, or tamper with machinery. They hit us where we can't see it: social media propaganda. They ginned up our own hatred for one another and jacked us all up emotionally. They used our own blind faith in the authority of the internet to divide and conquer. It was nearly flawless and extremely effective.
It's easy to see the asshats who breached the Capitol as stupid morons, stealing lecterns and taking selfies but each one is you. Each one is a normal American who was victim of propaganda. Every QAnon believer has been messaged to over time until the conspiracy seems reasonable.
There has been plenty of handwringing think pieces written about the dangers of both social media and populism. Populism is not in and of itself a bad thing. It is, on its face, the ideal behind our democracy after all. Neither is social media. How could a technology that allows my mom to see pictures of my wife and I in Rhyolite, NV or David's parents see videos of his two year old son saying "Fuck" be evil? Nonetheless, the combination of the two elements create a potentially deadly mix.
As recently as this time last year when confronted with the idea that so-called hate speech should receive censorship my eyes would roll around like marbles in a coffee cup. The very concept of censorship in a marketplace of ideas is against everything I believe America to stand for yet, after watching anti-vaxxers, QAnoners, maskholes, and Donald Fucking Trump use the unlimited reach of the internet to poison that very marketplace, I have to re-examine my stance.
I have to imagine what the Third Reich would've been if Goebbels had had Faceborg and the thought is horrifying. If Hanoi Hannah had Twitter instead of the radio? Christ. These sorts of propagandists are not new. In a war, messaging to the enemy has been standard operating practice since Alexander the Great ("Great," see?) but the addition of the awesome reach of our modern-day soma is giving the Big Lies rocket fuel.
We have licenses to drive and speed limits because there are always going to be few who can't be trusted to drive responsibly. We have licenses for owning guns because a few are always going to use them criminally. Perhaps, in the argument to somehow regulate communication we require a license to Tweet? Yeah, I hear you. How dare we even consider something so legislative? The libertarians will go apeshit at the government overreach. Right now the internet is only regulated in any meaningful way by the providers. For a large enough fee, you can use it without limitation.
Perhaps the internet should be a public utility like water or electricity? Sure, you're still gonna punish black people in Flint, MI but at least there are legal remedies to that sort of bigoted grift. Whatever the answer, we need to be talking about this now. QAnon came to be via an unlicensed, anonymous jackass convincing otherwise reasonable people that there was a pedophile ring in the basement of pizza parlor in D.C. run by Hillary Clinton. That's the kind of spew one would hear from a raging lunatic digging into a trash can on a street corner wearing stuffed animals for shoes but somehow, on the internet, it suddenly seems more plausible to the gentle-minded few looking for answers to the question "What did Hillary do with those seven year olds who only wanted a slice?"
Expanding the definition of hate speech isn't going to help us. The further we go to muddy the waters of what is and is not hate speech has left us with the notion that everyone white is racist and that everyone Asian is also white. The expansion of hate speech has us somehow agreeing that a dirty joke in the wrong setting constitutes assault and that sort of thinking is just one virtue signal away from being Pizzagate.
No. The demagogues have been watching and waiting and Trump's yuge shadow merely kept the light of day off of them. He'll be out of the picture (at least as much as he'll accept it) soon enough and those Capitol-storming jack holes and Seattle-burning Antifa posers will find another power-thirsty grifter to follow like Moses did a shrub on fire.
You'll know them because their credo has no evidence for their conclusions, it centers on them as the experts, denies corroboration from science or credible expertise, and intentionally creates division and Otherism in order to maintain a foothold into the mania that is their Big Lie.
They are also smarter than Trump so their coup will be sneakier and far, far more effective.
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