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odessa-castle · 2 months

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NLTS might just be one of my favorite fics of all time. The characterizations, the banter, the tension - it's all 10/10 (and I loooove all the little nods to Shakespeare).

Your Cazador is truly menacing and has such a looming presence for a character who doesn't appear much on the page. You mentioned in an earlier ask that you deliberately built Cazador and Astarion's dynamic on the emotional language of intimate partner violence (which I think is so heartbreakingly accurate). If you feel comfortable, could you talk a little more about that choice, why you made it, and/or how it shaped your writing?

Beyond excited for part two!!

Thank you so much! NLTS has come to mean a lot to me, and I'm glad this story means something to other people, too.

As far as Cazador and Astarion's dynamic and IPV goes, I think I did mention in the tags that I had a lot to say on the subject, and I do, but I'm going to put it under a cut for fairly obvious reasons. Read on at your discretion.

So! Vampires. You can do a lot of things with vampires, and with the sire-childe relationship in particular. I'm not going to do a whole scholarly review here or anything, but suffice to say that it is inherently, to some degree, a relationship based on power and control, and the transgressive nature -- the blurring of boundaries between parent and lover, the interplay between sex and death, etc. -- is part of the horror and part of the appeal. Also, biting is sex, and the issues of consent arising from the former are extrapolated onto the latter. Again, there's a lot of room to play with metaphor here, depending on the story you want to tell, but if it's not kinda fucked up, then why even bother?

Astarion and Cazador's relationship is likewise one where a number of different lenses can come into play, depending on what you're interested in exploring. I do think one of the draws of Astarion's story is the way that it takes certain conventions that pop up around vampires and strips the layer of metaphor away -- Astarion's sexual abuse is explicitly a part of his story in a way that I (and many others) didn't expect to see presented so frankly. And I knew I wanted to do some of that metaphor-stripping myself when I wrote this.

The fantasy/supernatural elements let you really go to some extremes when you're writing about Astarion's abuse, and Cazador is awful enough that almost any horror you can come up with is something he'd plausibly do to Astarion. And there are some evil geniuses in this fandom. The things I've seen people do with torture and body horror, with mind control, with sheer sexual depravity -- chef's kiss. I love you guys. I don't think that's where my strengths as a writer necessarily lie, though, and it wasn't quite what I wanted in terms of either theme or tone for this story. I wanted both Wyll's and Astarion's loneliness and low self-worth to be grounded in something really emotionally recognizable, in part so they could recognize these things in each other, and I wanted to show off the...quieter moments of their trauma, almost. The critical voices they've internalized; their self-censoring and self-deprecation; the things they've normalized that really shouldn't be normal, actually.

I'm not going to get too deep into the nature of my interest in IPV. Suffice to say that I have both personal and professional experience in that area, and that like all artists, I bring pieces of myself into the things I create. What I can say is that I don't think I've ever encountered an IPV survivor who didn't experience some form of emotional abuse as part of that power and control relationship, and that a lot of survivors have talked about how that can be the hardest thing to recover from, because it gets so deep inside your head. It warps the way you view yourself; it distorts the way you see the world. You carry your abuser's voice with you, whether or not they're there. And it's not easy to make it go away. It's not easy to make the emotional conditioning go away, to disentangle the survival mechanisms you've had to develop once you no longer actually need them to survive. These things hold true with, like, basically every form of ongoing abuse, they're not necessarily unique to IPV, but they're a big part of IPV nonetheless. (And they're certainly things we see from a lot of the companions in-game, Astarion very much included. Gotta love how his immediate response to you initiating the breakup conversation is "did I do something wrong?")

I do know that discussions of the exact nature of Cazador's abuse of Astarion can get, uh, fraught. I do think Cazador's sexual objectification and possessiveness of Astarion are, well, text, and Cazador certainly uses other people as proxies to enact sexual violence on Astarion. I didn't include, and don't plan to include, any outright sexual contact between them on-page because I think the point comes across clearly enough without it (and because jesus, enough stuff happens on-page in NLTS, there needs to be a balance if I don't want to turn the story into one giant downer). For me, the crux of their dynamic lies in one of Astarion's first descriptions of Cazador: a man obsessed with power -- not political power, but power over people.

Cazador might think of himself as rational and in control of his own actions and passions -- a lot of abusers will tell you that they're just being logical, you're the one bringing your emotions into everything -- but in reality, he is obsessed with his control over Astarion. When he feels like that control is being threatened, he sees it as a direct assault on his own self-image and power and masculinity, and he takes it out on Astarion to convince them both that Astarion still belongs to Cazador. I don't think Cazador wants Astarion's love, necessarily; I don't think he knows what love actually is, anymore. I think he wants Astarion's true submission -- and he's never going to get that, because Astarion obeys him out of fear, not trust, and trust is what submission actually requires. (As is choice, which is also a thing that Cazador does not and will not give Astarion.) Basically, the closer Wyll and Astarion get, the more Cazador gets caught up in these dominance games, and those are ultimately him pissing on a lamppost rather than him accomplishing anything.

And I do write him as fixated on Astarion to a degree that he isn't with the other spawn. He doesn't really care about Dalyria taking Branwyn as a lover, for example, because whether rightly or wrongly, he doesn't perceive that as a threat to his control over her (or as a threat to his own self-image); he could tell her to stop, and she would, without him needing to compel her obedience. But Cazador doesn't feel as secure of his ownership over Astarion, for good reason, and that plus his sexual obsession makes him act Totally Normal about all this.

In NLTS, Cazador is, generally, not reacting to what Wyll and/or Astarion are actually doing. He's reacting to perceived threats to his ego, whether or not those threats have any basis in reality. Cazador breaks Astarion's rib because he wants to break Astarion's rib. It's not even sensible as a punishment, but it makes Cazador feel powerful, and it makes Astarion feel worthless. As I mentioned in an earlier post, he makes Wyll's gift to Astarion all about himself instead because it's a way of soothing his ego, and because, at that point, he's still thinking of Wyll as an easily-controlled dupe. Things change once Wyll duels Lord Andoril -- Cazador's proxy and mouthpiece -- over Astarion, and wins. It doesn't matter what Astarion did or didn't do. It matters that, to Cazador, someone publicly challenged his ownership of Astarion and got away with it, and Wyll is the kind of threat that (at this point) Cazador can't simply have killed and be done with it. The fallout for Cazador's business prospects isn't great, sure, but it's also not really what he cares about most. But really, the thing most getting in the way of Cazador's political ambitions in this story is...Cazador himself. Even if he'd tell you otherwise, because Cazador's not exactly self-aware.

This is also the point where Cazador being low-key annoyed that Wyll wants Astarion for something other than his body turns into Cazador becoming Big Mad about that fact, because Cazador cannot handle the idea of Wyll laying claim to some part of Astarion that he himself doesn't have access to. (Yes, this is a really fucked-up way for him to frame the fact that Wyll, you know, sees and values Astarion as a person. But well, Astarion is not and never has been a person to Cazador.) On some level, Cazador isn't wrong about this, either -- Wyll genuinely is a threat to his control over Astarion. But because Cazador is a petty, jealous little tyrant of a man who doesn't understand love, he catalogues this threat as Astarion offering his submission to another man. Astarion having his own autonomous wants and desires is, obviously, not something that crosses his mind. When Wyll is exiled, Cazador fully gives himself over to his inner green-eyed monster, and abandons all pretense of self-control or calculation. Cazador forcing Astarion to enjoy -- or well, take physical pleasure in -- his own rape is, among other things, Cazador trying to brute-force Astarion's submission.

The thing about power and control relationships is that the abuser never really feels secure in them. Nothing is ever good enough; everything can become a new ego threat. Cazador is alone, and he's miserable, and really, he's made himself that way.

One commenter really hit the nail on the head in Chapter 14: I was like "oh now wyll won't be a useful political tool," as if Cazador was some kind of evil political mastermind, rather than an evil horrible monster. There is, indeed, an evil political mastermind in NLTS -- but it's Enver Gortash, not Cazador Szarr. Gortash does more in half a chapter than Cazador does in basically the entire fic. In NLTS, Cazador is not a monster because he's a powerful and terrifying supernatural being -- although he is also that. He's a monster because he's a jealous tyrant who can't see past the tip of his own nose. And honestly, I think that makes for a scarier villain.

#the ask and the answer #butnodamage #nothing like the sun #cw for frank discussion of ipv dynamics - although i think the nature of the ask itself makes that fairly clear #this post was more draining to write than i expected but it is also full of things that i very much want to say #and now i'll hop off my soapbox

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f1-birb · 7 months

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They really tried to start the "#LandoNorrisIsOver" party like something straight out of F1twt, only to have to pop the balloons and recognize that the cake was just like, super dry and had no taste. 💀

not the first time they've tried to paint the narrative and probably won't be the last either 🙄

Lando will never be over, he had an impressive Rookie season, him and Carlos dragged McLaren to P3 in the constructors in 2020, 2021 was a cracking delivery from him, he carried the team last year by a large margin and I couldn't be fucking prouder of him this season

Sky can chat shit all they want, the actual people whose opinions matter (*cough* multiple former drivers/champions and also the ones on the grid now *cough*) know how good he is

#lando norris #i'll hop off my soapbox now #birb speaks

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autistickaitovocaloid · 2 years

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So after watching the first season of mp100 I've picked up that this is an anime about a guy who's super power is that he's autistic

#art talks about stuff #this is /hj obviously please don't take this post seriously #mob's so funny to me like yeah he's a super powerful psychic guy but he's also just a little guy. you get me?#also yeah yeah i know autism =/= psychic powers but the first few times i saw him go 100% my legitimate first thought was #''oh so it's kind of like a shutdown/meltdown. huh''#anyway i'll hop off my soapbox now. no spoilers for s2 please

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muffy-heeler · 1 month

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One thing I disliked about the sign was Brandy's pregnancy. While it's fantastic in theory, I think they really lost an opportunity to make adoption a discussion in the show, or better yet to show her coming to terms with her infertility. In my boyfriends words "it made onesies feel pointless" and I almost agree. My hope is that she is a single mum and they can have that discussion at least. Obviously I'm not mad about a kids show but it just.. felt a little bit like a cop out. Of course I'd love to hear other opinions, that's just my two cents!

Edits to add what some other people have said:

an anon recounted a story of a woman who experienced infertility and then a miricle baby, and the person they saw was very sppreciative and loved Brandy's pregnancy, and that makes me really happy! I want Bluey to bring joy first and foremost

@this-is-a-love-story-isnt-it points out that good things happening to a person don't negate their negative experiences, which is suuper true and really shifted my perspective.

@annamalla pointed out the fraught history of adoption in Australia, which I didn't even know about and totally makes sense for why they might not touch on it in Bluey, since it's so entrenched in it's culture

@darkmasterofcupcakes raised a point that the pregnancy would have been better recieved if Brandy got her own episode again and that puts it into words better than I ever could. I wanted to see her joy at discovering she finally gets a baby. I wanted to feel the triumph with her, and I think we feel robbed of that.

lmk if you'd rather not be tagged but I wanted to give credit where credit is blue for these AMAZING points! I hope no one thinks I'm not happy for Brandy because I AM!! I'm so excited to see Bluey interact with babies too!

I'll hop off my soapbox now

#bluey #you cant like EVERYTHING about something yk?#bluey the sign #the sign #bluey spoilers #the sign spoilers #bluey the sign spoilers

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hush-writes-preg · 2 months

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i’ve been wanting to say this for a while, and im still not sure i’m gonna say it right, but i really appreciate your blog. i’ve been having issues with my ovaries for a while and it’s still not clear if i’m fertile or even gonna get to Keep my ovaries much longer. it’s been really stressful, because i really want to be able to get pregnant, and i might never be able to. but one of the worst parts is that i’m transmasc, and a lot of people- including my own family- can’t wrap their heads around being a man and wanting to be pregnant. even other transmascs seem to think i can’t actually be trans and genuinely want this. people pity me cus they think Society is what made me feel this way, and they have to “help” by convincing me this is something i don’t actually want.

you and all your followers have been the opposite of that. seeing so many other transmascs who openly (and sometimes desperately) want to experience pregnancy has made me feel like so much less of an other. seeing people who aren’t transmasc but have transmasc friends/partners being so encouraging and supportive when this is something they want has felt so validating. it’s such a positive and welcoming environment here, and it’s so comforting.

so i guess the main takeaway is everyone should keep being horny, because there’s at least one person who really appreciates it.

Hey there, Aster! Thanks for hopping into my inbox with your kind words! 💖

I've said it before, and I'll continue saying it long into the future for old and new followers alike-- this blog exists because I believe that everyone deserves the opportunity to feel appreciated, validated, and seen in regard to this kink. I don't care what parts anyone was born with, what parts anyone has now, or what anyone's age(18+)/gender/sexuality is. Anyone can feel the desire to be pregnant or to impregnate someone else, and that feeling should be celebrated.

I'm sorry to hear that you've had so much trouble with your original plumbing, Aster, and that you aren't sure if you'll be able to conceive. That's a really shitty situation to be in when you actually want to get pregnant. I've known a few people on Tumblr who are in similar health-related situations, and I just wish I could give all of you a big hug (if it's wanted). It's really not fair. The universe is pretty shit for allowing that to happen in the first place. But you're not alone, okay? I don't know how much comfort that offers you, but there are folks out there who commiserate, understand what you're struggling with, and hope that you'll be able to eventually find happiness regardless of what happens.

And yeah... family and society can suck big time sometimes. OFC you can't be male and want to carry a child, right? /s In my opinion, those people are nothing more than gatekeepers who have no business being involved in your body and business. The knowledge that these kinds of opinions are so commonplace really pisses me off. The desire to procreate is a ridiculously ordinary (though not universal) part of being human, so why shouldn't anyone be allowed to use the parts they have to make a baby if they want to? Or be allowed to find other reasonable ways to make it happen? :throws-table.gif:

Ugh. I'll get off of my soapbox now.

All that said, if the space I'm nurturing and the community we're all building is one of support, encouragement, and affirmation, then that's a dream fulfilled for me. We may be stuck feeling like an Other elsewhere thanks to societal stupidity, but not here. Here we're all as incredible and sexy and fertile as we wish to be, and I refuse to hear otherwise.

You're awesome, Aster. Try to stay positive, do what you can to take care of your troublesome bits, and love yourself the way you are. And if you ever need to vent about this stuff, my DMs are open, okay?

I adore all of you horny, breedable fuckers. 💖 Don't any of you forget it.

#hush answers #pocket-stars #hush speaks

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frodo-with-glasses · 2 years

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Ok, let's say 4, 5, 9, 11, and 15 for Aragorn and Eomer?

4. "My favorite thing about them"

Battle buddies. Warrior comrades. Bad*ss macho dudes being bad*ss macho bros. I mean, is there anything else to say? Aragorn and Eomer is probably the one friendship in LotR with the highest concentration of testosterone by volume and I LOVE IT.

If you don't mind me hopping on a soapbox here: you might expect me to say that Aragorn and Eomer's friendship is the best example of "non-toxic masculinity" in the book, but I'm actually not gonna say it, and that's for two reasons. Number One, the term implies that masculinity is a thing of which it is possible to have so much that it causes damage, like toxic amounts of vitamins. Number Two, when people say "toxic masculinity" they usually mean things like being arrogant or violent or condescending, which a) are not restricted to men and b) don't look good on anybody anyway. I tend to associate masculinity with strength, courage, willingness to protect, and generally being male, of which I think it is impossible to have too much.

What I will say is that Aragorn and Eomer have the purest example of masculinity: both pure in the sense of undiluted, and pure in the sense of wholesome and good. Yes, Eomer is prone to fits of passion and rage. Yes, Aragorn is weary and troubled. But at the end of the day, these are two dudes who will show up to a battlefield and absolutely wreck shop out of a deep and unassailable love for what they're trying to protect and if that isn't magnificent then I don't know what is.

5. “A scene I wish we had of them”

Okay, I'll be honest: I can't think of anything. I even plundered the Appendices for ideas, and still nothing. Aragorn and Eomer are at their best when they're on the battlefield, and between Helm's Deep and the Pelennor, I think we got more than an ample showing on that front.

But I'm not done rereading the book yet! There might still be things about Eomer in these last few chapters that I'd forgotten about. I'll come back to this if I have any ideas!

(But now I'm gonna turn this around on you, my dear Lady of Hockey ;-) This is your favorite bromance in this book, so what scene do YOU wish we had??)

9. "Would I change anything about their friendship?"

Mmn...no? No, I don't think so.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the friendships that sit in the slow cooker for years instead of getting flash-fried. I love the tender, emotional friendships. I love the physically affectionate, touch-you hug-you hold-your-hand sleep-on-your-lap friendships. There are reasons that Frodo and Sam are my favorite bromance. But Aragorn and Eomer are not that, and that's okay! Their bond is no less deep and true and important just because it's developed and expressed differently!

No, I would not change their friendship, because then it would cease to be Aragorn and Eomer's friendship, and we can't have that.

11. "Which of the friends I relate to more"

Oof, that's a toughie. I'm the kind of person with a calm exterior but big emotions on the inside, so Aragorn is a lot more like what I appear to be and Eomer is a lot more like what I FEEL LIKE.

.....But Eomer also gives off really big Older Sibling Energy so we're gonna go with that.

15. “If I’d want to be friends with them”

Sure, if they'd have me! My theory of friendship equality comes into play here, since both of them are literal kings, but putting that aside, I think they'd be fun to hang out with. It would be even MORE fun to just watch them spar :-D

FRIENDSHIP ASK GAME!

#ask game #aragorn #eomer #eomer of rohan #lord of the rings #lotr #my writing #addendum for op:#the whole ‘long-time tender physically affectionate friendship’ thing is the reason i was like 👀 when you told me about eric and casey btw #just in case you were wondering why they made my brain go BRRRRR so quickly LOL

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netflixonyourcouch · 5 months

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Friendly reminder: You don't have to be nice about new music sucking

Especially hip-hop.

I recently spoke about how poptimism grew obsolete. Poptimism rose in the early 2010s, where people had to make a case that you could listen to like, Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, Katy Perry, Carly Rae Jepsen, etc. and really enjoy their music the same way you could enjoy an album by Bon Iver or The National. It was a way for publications to pre-emptively shield themselves from any criticism from people who didn't think pop music was "real music." I grew to understand poptimism, and converted to pop through two albums that belong to R&B (Lemonade and ANTI) but are also two of the biggest pop albums of last decade.

But hip-hoptimism has gotta stop.

Hip-hoptimism seems to be a similar answer to poptimism where people are like, "What?? You CAN listen to Lil Uzi, YEAT, Playboi Carti, Ken Carson, Sexxy Red and Ice Spice! There's nothing wrong with having FUN in music."

Refer to title. It's okay to not be nice with these people. These artists suck. Plain and simple.

You're not going to convince me that Whole Lotta Red is good, when there's a song called "Jumpoutthehouse" and the only lyrics in the song is "Jump out the house!!" over and over again, shrieked in the most annoying way possible. Lil Uzi wants to be clever than he actually is, but his albums are incoherent messes and way too long. There's not a single good thing about lyrics that go, "My coochie pink, my bootyhole brown," yet people are CONVINCED that "Hood Hottest Princess" is some amazing album. "But it's fun!! She's having fun!!! You must not like fun!" FUN ISN'T THE ONLY REQUIREMENT OF MUSIC. Give "fun" a rest! Ice Spice raps like she's literally disinterested in rapping. And people are convinced Ken Carson is so amazing, but this is just an unlistenable mess, the beginning punctuated by a bunch of "HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH" in the place of actual lyrics: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3QCk9sD3JY

Which of these new artists are supposed to be so great, so cutting edge and so masterfully artistic?

People are afraid of discourse which strongly rejects new music because they think it's a result of the old generation getting it wrong or being out of touch. Fuck that. It's time to stop being afraid of being honest about music. People are free to have their own opinions, and sure, nobody likes to have their opinion trampled over, I completely get that. But context is hella important, and we have to at least TRY to preserve history by remembering the good as good and the not so good as not so good. Imagine if everyone was like, oh Milli Vanilli and Vanilla Ice were better than Nas and Jay-Z. Well that's exactly what's happening when you let internet kids dictate the worst trap music ever is somehow the best that hip-hop has to offer.

I'll hop off my soapbox now, but I'm sick and tired of just laying back and watch people ruin the game that I love.

#rap music

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jimakuchan · 4 years

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And They Were Roommates...

Part Seventeen

A/N: I wonder who Y/N saw at the bar 🤔 this part will have a mini half chapter to go with it (curse tumblr's max photo limit). So you won't have to wait too long for the next part!! Also PSA always check on your friends when they're drunk!!! That's all I'll hop off my soapbox now 😊

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violettduchess · 3 years

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Bite-sized: a Lovestruck English Lesson 👩‍🏫: Lucas 👑season 3, set 2

I needed a minute before writing this. Not because I had too many screenshots. I actually don't have that many. Why not? You'd think given how I've been reacting to the route I'd have a ton. The truth is I was so caught up in reading it that I forgot to take many. Rarely does that happen as my mind is sort of wired to be looking at language and thinking about it's use. But when it does occur, it's because whatever I'm reading transcends that analytical part of my teacher brain and I'm just lost in the writing. It's only happened a few times in LS. Nikolai. Nav. Parts of Cal. And Lucas.

I'm going to sound like a broken record here but if you haven't tried his route, regardless of what you usually read, please give his route a chance. Frankly, Voltage has done a horrible job at promoting Lucas, and his story deserves to be put in the spotlight not just as the first mlm route but as a beautifully written work of art.

I'll hop off my soapbox now and get down to the analysis 😏

The power of word choice. "Worship" immediately conjures up the notion of prayer, reverence, recognizing something higher than yourself. Lucas and MC's first time together is elevated to something holy. (You all know the Hozier song. It's the same language, the same kind of imagery)

This made me tear up. The idea that Lucas has saved every momento of happiness to give to MC, is ready to share his expression of that happiness with him because he's finally found someone worthy of it, someone who will cherish it, is a beautiful idea.

Some striking imagery here. "Swarm" is connected to insects, something that makes people uncomfortable, an unspoken threat. Then there's tendrils stretching out of the door, reaching for MC, ready to pull at him, drag him into the darkness.

It's the repetition and the change in tense that makes this so strong. "I follow him", simple present tense. "I'd follow him", would as an auxiliary verb here expresses intention. Here and now and in any possible future, MC is with Lucas.

Really good writing makes you stop and look at something in a way you may not have imagined it before. One person being angry and taking out their anger on another isn't a new idea. But the description of taking fury that someone has thrown at you, throwing it back as if it were a physical item and then having it "simmer" and "burn" is such a cool way to describe it. Because that's what happens when you match anger with anger. It isn't diffused in any way. It stays hot. The transition from simmer to burn implies the way this would escalate. It's such a great sentence.

#lovestruck #lovestruck voltage #ever after academy #eaa lucas #lucas charming #lucas x mc #lovestruck english lesson

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datingintampafails · 3 years

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Chapter 30: Richard*

Let me start by saying, nothing is wrong with Richard*. I match with Richard* right as the nightmare that is “the microwave” has come to a close. Now that I am mere days away from being fully vaccinated, I break the rules a little bit to give myself a headstart before I am able to actually go on the dates. I figure, what is the harm in working on getting back out there? I send a “Like” to him on Hinge, inquiring about a prompt that mentions he had broken both of his arms. The next morning, I get a reply with the story. After discussing that series of events briefly, he goes on to ask more about me and the video games I play. I step on my soapbox for a time. He tells me that he plays a video game called League of Legends, which has a reputation for having some of the most toxic players online. I ask him half-jokingly if that is his way of telling me he is toxic. He swears by his alibi of not having his microphone on when he plays with strangers, so as to not be tempted. We reminisce about Runescape, and he tells me more about some of the games he plays.

We get into the topic of pets, where he says my dog seems nice. I ask him if he has any pets where I am surprised to learn he has two snakes. We talk briefly about what it’s like having snakes, and we segue onto a conversation about television shows due to my dog having a character’s name in a show he watches, which then segued into a conversation about having coronavirus, and travel, and my changes in taste since aforementioned COVID-19.

I narrate to him a conversation I’m having with my best friend about the show of the moment, “Bridgerton,” on Netflix. Pretty randomly, he officially asks me out for drinks. I tell him I have a caveat, that it needs to be next week, as at this time I am still technically not supposed to be dating yet since I am awaiting my second COVID-19 vaccination. I make a joke that I bet he thought I was going to say I had a penis. He jokes back that he was hoping I would. I continue a joke saying I am pretty sure I don’t have one, but if I do have one it’s extremely small. We learn that we have opposing schedules, “we suck” is how I put it. I offer that in the meantime, we can text/call/video chat in order to continue getting to know each other. He sends me his number though offers that we can talk with a “different method.” Being the jester I am, I turn this into a joke of seeing how many alternate methods I can think of. A good sport, he plays along and adds a few of his own, ending in “Mongolian throat singing.” Despite the ingenious ideas we come up with, I opt to stick to contact him via text message.

Upon texting him and seeing my area code, he recognizes it as his cousins lived in that area. He grew up a couple of hours away in rural Maryland. It is late, so our transition to text is brief for now. In the morning I challenge him regarding who woke up the earliest; I win this challenge due to having a call in at work at four in the morning. We then bond over the legendary Mountain Dew Game Fuel, Citrus Cherry, that would come out at game releases; once my favorite drink, being reminded of its existence brought me anger and sadness, which I expressed I was feeling to him. We are getting along so famously, that I decided maybe I can make an exception to seeing him before my vaccine. He says he is fine either way. We start to plan our date and settle on a brewery I like near me.

Much of our texts are light-hearted jabs at each other, nothing super deep. He compliments my quirks often. He often makes jokes about having a smooth brain and sends me many diagrams. He tells me about his major in college. I then realize I don’t know what he does for a living. I ask him what his job is, that’s when he tells me he is in the Army. The stereotype for men in the military is that they usually get engaged quickly, without knowing a person for very long. Being the jokester I am, I take this opportunity to jab at him. My response to his career is, “oh sorry I don’t want to get married next month.” He says that that is why he doesn't have his job in his profile, because of the stereotypes. I joke that I have been misled to believe he had been a chill down to earth guy.

When it is the day of the date, I jokingly keep saying I am going to wear an evening gown; I mention it a couple times. When I arrive, in my skirt and crop top, I see he’s actually dressed pretty nicely and is sitting outside, wearing long khaki pants and a dress shirt. It is a decently warm day, so I hope he's okay. I compliment him, saying he looks nice and he didn't need to dress up for me. He admits that because I kept talking about the evening gown, that he thought I might have been serious, so he wanted to match my formality. I do notice over the course of the date though that he is sweating through his shirt, especially at the underarms; not the most attractive, but a person cannot help these things.

The conversation goes well, we have a nice time and I regale him with the drama in my video game community and just talk about random things. I have a couple drinks and although we weren't planning on eating dinner there, he ends up eating a burger and I opt to just "steal some fries" since I had a late lunch. He is craving dessert so we walk a block to a local ice cream place and get some ice cream as well. When we return back to where the cars were, I realize that he had Ubered there, because another joke of mine was taken seriously regarding getting super drunk. I feel bad and offer to drive him home. We get in my car and I have him put in his address into Google Maps. I drive him there and when approaching his apartment, I see a lot of construction. He instructs me where I can drop him off and suggests that I turn around in a certain lot. He gives me a hug goodbye and I drive off.

I get completely confused and lost in the construction, between closed streets and cones blocking lanes, so I get stuck in the vicinity of his apartment for five minutes before being able to find my way back to the main road. I let him know of my troubles driving, and also when I got home. He thanks me for going out and says he had a great time. Whereas I also had a good time, I found it strange he made no moves whatsoever during the night and I didn't really feel a romantic urge with him.

I get my second COVID-19 Vaccine and take a day off to recover. We still talk at least daily while he is away on his trip; while he is gone I focus a little more on the other guy I am chatting with, John*. I've told my mom of my predicament between the two men, and between her and I, I decided I'll go out with Richard* again, give him another chance. If things still aren't progressing or feelings startup, I will end it and entirely focus on John*.

Richard* asks me when he can see me again and offers to cook for me. I give him my Friday night, which is a day after I am seeing John* again as well. On Thursday, he texts me to verify, saying "I'd like to see you tomorrow, did you still want to do dinner?" I told him I meant to confirm that day. We don't talk besides that, which is good for me because I don't have to worry about getting texts from him when I'm with someone else. The day of my second date with Richard*, I text him to ask for his address again and ask for suggestions on parking, since the construction was such a fiasco for me, I'm still traumatized lightly. He tells me and after a few hours, I get some complicated news regarding my gaming community, so I ask Richard* if I can reschedule to tomorrow, Saturday. He says it is fine and so we just chat for the rest of the day.

On the day our date will actually happen, he again seems to verify the date, asking me if I'm planning on coming over "today." I snarkily replied, "yeah I don't bail, you said 730." He asks me what I want to drink, as he must be grocery shopping. I panic and say seltzers. I take a quick nap and then let him know I am headed to his apartment. When I arrive, I try to follow his parking suggestions but get confused and don't see anything. After driving around for over five minutes, I start to panic as I don't see anything. I find a random gravel lot that is in earshot of where I had dropped him off on the first date, and I call to admit defeat. I send him a photo as well to show where I am. He comes out to find me and almost walks past my car. I flash my high beams at him to indicate it's me and he hops in the car. We drive around a few minutes and luck upon a spot that is close to one of the side entrances to his apartment complex.

I follow him to his apartment, he is again dressed nicely, and I am wearing more comfortable clothes. He is wearing a nice shirt, but with jeans. We get to his apartment and it is slightly better than a typical bachelor pad, but definitely not overly showy. He is still finishing up dinner, chicken pad thai, and he gets me out a white claw to drink. We chat briefly but he starts acting weird, just off. I just sit in his gaming chair and spin around, look at his one snake, and stay quiet. In a way, I am fine with the silence, as it solidifies my unease about this going anywhere. He eventually speaks up, saying he just got a killer headache and isn't feeling well. Due to his travels, I joke about him having coronavirus.

When the food is ready, I let him serve me, I tell him to go light as I don't eat much. He had talked a lot of game regarding his pad thai being good, and unfortunately, it was pretty disappointing. He used chicken thighs, which I am not a huge fan of, and the noodles seemed almost soggy. Richard* was aware of this, however, and commented that this wasn't his best dish and had used a new kind of noodles. I don't like and say that it's just alright, at least palatable. We watch some Brooklyn 99 and eat on his couch, sitting on opposite sides of the couch. After dinner, I get an official introduction to the snakes and get to pet them, it is bizarre, but kind of cool. Definitely not as fun as playing with, say, a dog. Shortly after that, I say it's getting late and I should probably go home. He walks me back to my car, which is a need since his complex is a maze. Again, he makes no moves and gives me a hug goodbye. For me, it's easy to see that something isn't quite right here. We chat briefly, for the next few days, as I'm not ready to immediately break his heart.

When he texts me four days after our date, explicitly saying the following, I see it is a perfect opportunity to come clean:

He took things very well, and I didn't hear from him again. I commend myself for being a real human and telling people how I feel, rather than ghosting and not giving others closure. I wish more conversations could go this way. I feel bad for the guy. It isn’t his fault that I ended up “playing the game” and doing what you’re supposed to do when you’re dating, which is, not to get stuck on one person and date around. It just so happens, he ended up being the one I obviously didn’t like as much and had to sacrifice for his own good. It’s possible that only due to my extreme attraction to the other guy, that he never had a chance as it was shadowed by my feelings for someone else.

#dating #relationships #tampa #tampabay #hinge #tinder #bumble #stpete #clearwater

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beminenickyvalentine-o · 4 years

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First, thank you so much for transcribing the whole route! That was amazing and I'll love you forever! Second though, you mention that you fixed a lot of "continuity errors"? What do you mean by that and like, what were they? Just curious.

You are welcome!

So, I already described it a little… I’m not sure continuity errors was really the right phrase. But I’d be more than happy to kind of flesh out some of my thoughts, just things that kind of jarred me out of the experience at times, on the route that inspired a lot of the tiny changes that I did make. These are just the ones I can think of right off the top of my head:

1. This is the biggest one so I’m going to mention it first. Quite frankly the MC’s persistence on trying to convince Nicky he’s just a character in a movie gets a little annoying. There are quite a few moments where we’re having a pleasant time with Nicky and then suddenly bring up that this whole thing is a dream, it’s not real, he’s just a character, and whatever. Maybe that would be fine, but I know that if I got to spend any amount of time LITERALLY INSIDE an awesome movie with a hot guy who seems set on wooing me I wouldn’t be constantly telling him that he’s not real or that I’m from another dimension. Mostly because I want a more authentic experience, but also because… like… I don’t want all these people looking at me like:

I ESPECIALLY have an issue with this in the scene you have to pay for when we get off the yacht on the docks. He takes us to a nice restaurant so he can bare his soul and the most painful experience of his life and we are BARELY stopped from hopping on a soapbox about how “French Fried Potatoes” are actually called “French Fries” and everyone knows what they are you doof because we’re from the future so there. Luckily he interrupts us to tell us about his sister’s death, but at that point I was like “are we serious right now? Is this really the hill we want to die on when we KNOW that he wants to talk to us about his precious little sister? Oh we better not go into the ‘you’re not real, this is just a movie’ routine again.”

2. Nicky & Ralph are super panicked about the concept of the cops at the pier but when we pull up to the Speakeasy (arguably a FAR worse place for cops to meet Nicky at), both Nicky and Ralph are like, “Yeah sure, no worries, they ain’t got nothin’.” That seemed a little oddly inconsistent, but maybe that will make more sense later? Not sure how but whatevs’.

3. I had two issues with the yacht scene. The first one was what I already described, he ends the scene previous by asking us if we’d ever sailed before (which was totally fine, a great way to transition to the new scene) and then he asks us the same question while we’re actually sailing as if we didn’t answer him originally. I just couldn’t picture any scenario in which we wouldn’t have answered that question the first time. The second one was right after the transition to the yacht scene. The background implies that we’re on the yacht, the description of it implies we’re on the yacht, and then a good few minutes into the dialogue we find out that we’re actually walking on the beach toward the yacht and haven’t boarded yet. Not really a huge issue, just a bit jarring after being basically led to believe we were already there.

4. When we’re at Nicky’s mansion: We go all the way around to the front of the house to go back inside after being right next to the french doors on the patio that would have also led us inside. There’s no butler or anything to greet us (didn’t add that in in the version you guys have, and it’s not a big thing, but it is a thing). Somehow we smell bacon cooking in our room, and the smell is strong enough to wake us up, despite the fact that it’s unlikely we’d be able to smell any part of breakfast in a house that big unless it was literally outside our door. Somehow we also know that the petal trail is going to lead to the french doors, but it’s still a “mystery” and we’re still surprised when we follow it to find that it does, in fact, lead to the french doors. He is wealthy enough to have a full staff and a mansion and a yacht but we have to grab our own plate at breakfast even though we could just ask one of his many staff to fix one for us.

Soooo yeah. No shade to the writers- I still love the story & love the writing. But as a writer myself and an editor focused on readability those were just some of the most noticeable things that kind of broke up the experience for me. There are more but, I’d have to look at my transcript again. To be fair, they are FAR more noticeable in long-form. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#nicky valentino #fictif nicky #fictif mc #nicky route #two against the world #tatw #fictif two against the world #fictif

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creek-cryptid-deluxe · 4 years

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This needs to be addressed:

I'm on reddit regularly. Today I saw something as I was scrolling that deeply disturbed me & I feel needs to be addressed.

For those not familiar with reddit's format, let me explain. The website is basically a host to multiple forum style 'subreddits' that are based around various interests where you can post photos, videos, gifs, links to websites, links to articles, or just good old fashioned text.

Some subreddits are very broad (r/aww is pictures, videos, & gifs that are adorable & make you say "awww") & some are extremely niche (r/picturesofiansleeping was created by a dude where he just posted random pictures of his roommate, Ian, sleeping because the dude could fall asleep anywhere). Each subreddit is it's own community with its own culture & rules, while also being a part of the reddit community as a whole & abiding by its overall culture & rules.

Below is a screenshot (with the username redacted) from a post in the Ehlers-Danlos subreddit, which I scroll through from time to time just to see what's there, but not regularly because the overarching culture there is not one I want to be a part of (& what I'm about to show you here is a perfect example of why).

So a photo of Joaquin Phoenix filming a scene for the movie Joker is making the rounds with the caption above it, stating that he dislocated his knee filming that scene (not written is that he continued to film after the dislocation) & demanding he be given the golden globe. Given the quality of that performance, even prior to knowing about his knee, I agree that he should have a golden globe for it.

What I take issue with is the fact that that was posted to r/ehlersdanlos with the title "My knee dislocates 5-20 times a day. Where's my reward?"

So let's chat about why this is ABSOLUTELY unacceptable, despite the fact that I see similar sentiments throughout the chronic illness communities.

First of all, this person is 100% exaggerating. I'm not one to doubt anyone's claims regarding their health but as someone who has had knee dislocations since I was quite small, it's not feasible. Subluxed knee 5-20 times a day? Eh, still not really believable. 5-10 subluxations? Sure, maybe. But no way is this person having 5-20 full knee dislocations in a 24 hr period.

Exaggerating like this actually really hurts credibility & not just for them as an individual. I'd be will to bet that if they are stretching the truth that casually in an inconsequential post online, that they do it in real life to medical staff as well. If the medical professionals that we all rely on for care hear enough exaggerations from specific demographic groups (say... women under 25 with an EDS diagnosis), then eventually when they see a patient that fits that criteria, there will be an unconscious bias & assumption of exaggeration. Then it hurts the chronically ill community as a whole.

Second, this person is minimizing & invalidating Mr. Phoenix's (i spelled his first name once & was quote proud, but it is not happening again) injury simply because... why? Because he is able bodied? Because the poster is chronically ill? Those things don't cancel each other out. This is the bit I see FAR too often.

There is this weird line of thinking that is prevalent in the chronic illness community where some chronically ill people think that because other people aren't chronically ill, any illness, pain, or injury they go through isn't as valid as their's is. Lemme just hop up on my soapbox here to say...

📢 THAT LINE OF THINKING IS FUCKING BULLSHIT📢

I've seen it first hand via my aunt. She is diagnosed with fibromyalgia. She has all the hallmarks of EDS, but despite me getting diagnosed & telling her she needs testing, she is weirdly attached to her current diagnosis. Any time my cousin (who is 3 yrs younger than me) is sick or hurting, my aunt says something about how much worse she feels. Cousin says she has a headache? Aunt: "Now you know what I deal with 24/7." Cousin has a stomach virus & can't stop puking? Aunt: "That's literally my life 4 out of 7 days of the week."

When The Spawn was in middle school, right after I had started to trend downward health wise, I noticed her wincing & holding her head a lot. I asked what was up & she said she had a headache & it had been hanging around for 3 days now. I asked why she didn't tell me sooner so I could help & she told me that she knew it was minor compared to what I deal with, so she didn't feel right bringing it up.

I immediately sat her down & had a long talk explaining that just because I am dealing with the dumpster fire I was given does not at any time mean that whatever she is going through isn't every bit as important, painful, or difficult for her & that at no time do i want her to have to handle it alone. I made sure she knew that no matter what was going on with me, I am here for her because what she is going through is important & valid. I've only had to have that talk 2 more times with her.

I've had to have a version of this talk with a few friends & my dad, as well. I'll see my dad wince or hear him do what I call "The Dad Huff" & I'll ask what's up. Dad: "I know I shouldn't complain to you because it's nothing compared to what you deal with but..." BRO i am EXACTLY who you should complain to. I know tricks that could help with a myriad of physical ailments PLUS i have a whole ass Walgreens in my bathroom.

My point is that as a whole, chronically ill people need to stop invalidating healthy, able bodied people's illnesses or injuries. PERIOD. It's not a fucking suffering competition. What? You think if you keep invalidating healthy people & boasting about how much more sick or more injured you are that at some point a guy is going to leap out of the bushes & hand you a gold medal & a giant check for suffering the most?

No.

Also, you'd think if someone was suffering that much, in that much pain, was that ill, that they wouldn't want anyone else to feel even close to the way they do & would be happy to help or be genuinely distressed/concerned for the other person's wellbeing.

So fuck off because people who do this shit just sound like they lack empathy, compassion, and other generally human qualities which implies they have no fucking soul.

Just be supportive of one another, able bodied, disabled, chronically ill, chronically healthy, or whatever. Just be kind to people. Fuck.

#vascular ehlers danlos syndrome #ehlers danlos syndrome #disabilties #disabled #disability #chronically ill #chronic illness #chronic pain #wtf is wrong with the world #wtf is wrong with people

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