#and not actually strange or anything. like what am I supposed to do. delete them?? I want to share them still because he is beautiful and | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

derangedanomaly · 17 days

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Guyyss, y'all have no idea how happy I actually am to know that y'all like my AU of Nightmare having a clone. I haven't felt this hyper in forever! I also REALLY enjoy doing anything about my favorite boy Chaos, so I decided to write some interesting Facts about my AU!

Enjoy lmao

Masterlist

CHAOS FACTS

His design differences between Nightmare:

I don't know if anyone's noticed, but I draw Nightmares tentacles purposely more flowy and droopy than Chaos'.

Chaos almost always has his tentacles lowered down, because he doesn't want to accidentally hurt anyone, but the only time he always has them up, is when he's near Nightmare, to look bigger and assert dominance.

Chaos' tentacles sometimes makes him look like he has horns.

While Nightmare feeds off of negative feelings, Chaos feeds off of Nightmares misery. SPECIFICALLY Nightmares. And whenever he does feed off of his misery, a purple smoke surrounds him.

When Diana accidentally copied Nightmares code, she wanted to use the delete button. She was afraid of what two Nightmares could do to the multiverse. But her worries flew out the window when she saw how friendly Chaos is, apart from Nightmare.

You could almost say that Chaos could be a better villain than Nightmare, because Chaos is willing to actually do anything just to earn someone's trust. And he could take advantage of that too, but thanks to Diana's code, he won't do that.

Chaos is practically the only worst punishment that Nightmare could receive, because the only one that can get on Nightmares nerves, is himself.

Chaos doesn't have a passive form, because he's only the copy of Nightmares code. Meaning he probably doesn't even know who Passive is.

The only reason he wants to ruin Nightmares reputation so much, is solely because he gets a kick out of it. It's also strangely written in his code- Diana thought it would be funny and entertaining to see two Nightmares fighting each other.

Nightmare could engage in a pretty violent battle with Chaos if he truly got pissed off- but he doesn't do that, only because Chaos is practically him. Chaos is pretty much on the same level of power as Nightmare. Which probably makes him the only appropriate opponent to Nightmare.

Killer often call NM and Chaos "twins". This earns an amused chuckle from Chaos and an angry Nightmare.

Chaos is partly supposed to represent how fanon Nightmare sometimes acts, apart from the canon one.

Chaos doesn't have a soul, since he technically doesn't exist, his whole body is made off of copies of Nightmares code, this doesn't include his soul.

The only people who know about Diana's existence are Ink, Error and Chaos. Diana doesn't feel the need to show herself to anyone often, so she just doesn't do it.

Ink and Diana are actually pretty good friends, though Diana denies any sort of friendship between the two.

Diana, Ink and Error, are like the three horseman of creation. Error is the destruction, Ink is the creation, and Diana is the rebirth. (Since Diana can copy anyone's code, she can technically bring out the dead. But this of course also has consequences.)

Diana's belt has eyes that follow whoever she's talking to.

Diana is supposed to represent a higher intelligent form. That's why she wears more 'angelic-like' clothes.

Chaos views Diana like his mother.

I'm sorry If these facts don't interest you! I just fell in love with my own Au 😭

#undertale #undertale fandom #sans undertale #nightmare sans #chaos sans #undertale au #undertale diana #ink sans #undertale oc #error sans #killer sans

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pb-dot · 9 months

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Writer Q&A Tag

Full disclosure, this is my second attempt at writing this tag. After I was mentioned by @mthollowell-writes I started filling in the questions with the enthusiasm I usually show for these kinds of things. Then, I actually double-checked the post and discovered I was not tagged, but rather mentioned as an inspiration. This flustered me to the point where I plain forgot to read the next line encouraging those tagged in this way to participate as well, and so, not wanting to be gauche, I deleted the post-to-be. Now I know better, and found the whole thing humorous enough to share, so good on me, I say. Q&A below the cut

1)What motivates you to write?

Writing just makes me happy. I might hem and haw about the obscure pain of trying to nail my thoughts to the page, as well as the sheer nightmare that is editing the result, but the truth of the matter is that writing lets me be a happier person. Part of it is no doubt that it allows me to unload one of the several stories I've got rolling around in my head at any given time, and part of it is that I just enjoy the process of it, forming formless thoughts into linear sentences and linear sentences into more or less coherent paragraphs,and so on.

2) A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

The description of Jake's first impressions of 13 sticks with me. I can't quite decide if I think it's good or if I just think it's good-shaped, but it'll do for this example.

There was something with the pensive look in the eyes of the strange young man that just drew out the similes. His eyes weren’t blue, they were like a perfect sky; His hair wasn’t blond and tightly cropped, it was like freshly harvested wheat; His cloak was not over-sized and ill-fitting, it was like an immaterial fog swathing his delicate form. Perhaps the young man could not be comprehended otherwise, at least Jake couldn’t.

3) Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

I am very fond of the main couple of my book, Jake and 13. There's just something about the slow but inexorable and unashamed way these two grow to rely on each other that really works for me. They both have good cause to be cynical about the world and everything in it, but despite this, there's something about how they are together that allows them to be vulnerable and gentle with each other, and that's the kind of thing that makes me smile.

4) What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

I love the drafting process. Getting words on the page in the form they're supposed to have just fills me with energy, and every time I add a detail that flourishes into a whole subplot or important worldbuilding detail I feel an incredible level of mastery that just fills me with energy. That's not an everyday occurrence, to be clear, but a couple of times per draft I'll get into the "wait, what does that bit I added on a whim imply exactly"-headspace, and often that leads to the discovery of something neat!

5) What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

Oh, now this is hard for me. Not because I don't know what to say, but because anything that might constitute bragging is just difficult for my brain to handle. That said, I think I'm really strong on structure and plot, thinking about characters and their struggles and development in terms of part of an overarching story just comes naturally to me and I enjoy working on that scale.

6) What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

I honestly just love the very specific kind of commiseration writers show to each other, and Writeblr captures it perfectly. There's just something refreshing about posting something like "got distracted from writing by worldbuilding, got distracted from worldbuilding by research about Parisian sewers through history" or whatever and have people popping up like "Oh if I had a dollar every time that happened."

7) A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

I'm a Scrivener boy, and I must say a couple of features of that program help my writing a sizable amount. I enjoy how it's offline and not integrated or associated with any level of AI fuckery on any detectable level. The way it organizes your manuscript on a chapter-chapter level and the chapters on a scene-scene level has also been very useful for getting nitpicky with the structure, in addition to finally getting me to organize my writing into chapters which I had dragged my feet on for months at that point.

8) A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

I just got done writing up a lengthy summary of The Coal Wars that set the stage for my setting, so while I hatelove it on the level I hatelove most of my ideas, it'll be my pick for this. In short, the city the story takes place in isn't commonly referred to by name because the name it used to have, Imil, is so closely related to the name of the empire it used to be the capital of, Imelia. Imelia was an expansionist maritime empire that maintained colonies and suzerainties all over the world until its chief colony Pelia declared independence after a series of unpopular taxes were levied against them along with the kind of draconic control that an empire might employ against its subjects. This declaration led to a spreading wildfire of requests and demands for emancipation from Imelia's other colonies.

Long story short, Imelia declared war on all of them in an act of imperial hubris. Because control of coal production was such a big deal for the Imelian empire's steampunk technology, these wars were known as The Coal Wars. These wars ended up bankrupting Imelia, and with the hereditary line of emperors cut off with the last empress' death, the whole nation was at a perilous tipping point.

What ultimately decided the fate of the empire was a bunch of the government's debtors and creditors banding together and deciding to repossess the imperial palace, which led to a scuffle between the debtors' private security and the remaining government and their loyalists that saw the last government of Imelia fall in a rather ignoble way. Not wanting to get into the mess of inheriting Imelia's many problems by claiming the throne, the debtors declared the nation of Imelia defunct and went back to their business consolidating industrial and real estate holdings while their security and private military forces maintained a sort of peace in the city.

9) What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

If you are like me and writing in and of itself brings you joy, try to find little moments of calm or clarity to write a bit. Doesn't have to be much. Just fiddling with some sentences or correcting obvious mistakes in your text can be enough to keep your writing fresh in your mind until better days come along.

If you're less energized by the act of writing itself and it's an actual drain on you, I recommend you to not worry about it. Take a break. Rest. Maybe read or watch some fiction, go see some friends, and live whatever slice of life you can in your current state. It might not seem like it, but this is a vital part of writing as well, since you need a steady stream of impressions and thoughts and feelings to fuel your writing, in addition to needing them to live a fulfilling life of course.

10) Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters

I should be way better at reading other writeblrs stuff honestly. There's some good stuff in here. That said, I do enjoy reading up on @stesierra multitude of projects and @dyrewrites' dark, wicked, and delightful Pale Blood. I also have a longer list of people I just like seeing pop up. In no particular order: @anxious-andconfused @starbuds-and-rosedust @words-after-midnight @holdmyteaplease @teacupsandstarlight @ettawritesnstudies @simonambroise @writingamongther0ses @leisoree @wrenofthewords @isabellebissonrouthier @rickie-the-storyteller @robin-writes-a-lot @scifimagpie and of course @mthollowell-writes

Everybody mentioned above can consider themselves tagged in this. I also wouldn't mind getting to know the following people a mite better: @maskedemerald @deadhunter-series @your-absent-father and @unspokenvastlywritten

#writing #writeblr #hearts in clockwork #peebs thinks #the clockwork boy

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olehswift · 2 years

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48 84

Hey Stephen,

Xi, look at my 3485608452

You see 48 84

This is exactly Thirty Third, another 4X

How I did it with N and Z (14, 26)--because there is nice transition

Now look into X--24

Rotate it

X again

So via the same way (Why it's valid, because I can transition my N into my Z in such way and they will give sum that is my name--therefore this is a balid way for me. The same way we derived Swift from my id--using our own agreements. You have your own agreements in China, at least in what is related to your state business--you are not agreeing them with Russia, USA or anyone else. We are just like that)

Each 48 generates XX, the sane for 84 XX

You have another TT--40

Which is Pi also

3(T)560(T)52

You can calculate straight sum, 560+52+3+40=655--another 16 or 100 if you bring it down

But that's not what I wanted to show you

What I wanted to show

Remember that 7525 is a year zero--it gets to 2020 if we bring it down, then gets XORed out with my TT

Here we have TT

So we can replace it with 7525

It will look like that

3(75)560(25)52

Af the right you see 2552--252--that's exactly 'see how many schools you can enter' from the Test, 7th, Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Taste (MasterMind, joke from clone of my wife [ Taylor Swift ]* 💜💜♾♾, about that she swallows. She does and she suppose to be doing it only when with me)

Look, Xi. Ukraine starts making those stupid sounds with some strange mechanism in my door when I am writing it, and they start showing stupid material on TV

But somehow we arrive at result that has meaning

Why--because I was constructing this ID myself, with my wife Taylor Swift, and I didn't ask Ukraine about whether I can make such transition, using materials of my friends.

Do you ask Ukraine about allowing you to do something, when creating something in China?

Let's continue

3(75)560(25)52

75+25=100

560+55=615

Sum is 715

That's both 13 and my 71 from N71

we can replace it as N5--if you rotate it by 90', Z and (-5)mod26=21, 26+21=47--again

715, also GO for my old name

(Gorodnitskii, Capital G (37))

N71 for zero sum

(3,3,-6(that is 4--Blank Spaces))

715, bring it up

765

That's our old Blue Whale F57, before applying (132)

Bring it down

210

Use (132)

201--Police

Now another approach

3(75)560(25)52

2552---to 252

3(75)560(252)

560+252=812

812+78=890

Xi, what it reminds you?

890--8990

Bring it up

8995--(89) behind 95

Bring it down

3440

Another X

Sum in pair 74--again

See, Xi, I am using such transformations that only we consider appropriate, receieving correct result from first attempt. Because I constructed it

USA is mad--they will kill us all. Please read and remember what I wrote below--each day we are at edge of death--we all

Ukraine are morons, USA are not in control. And we all are playing Russian Roulette each day

Through every forest, above the trees

Within my stomach, scraped off my knees

I drink the honey inside your hive

You are the reason I stay alive

Xi, in USA, they are insane, they can't understand anything at all.

Xi, right now we see not my initial one [ Taylor Swift ]* 💜💜♾♾, we see her clone. Still--look at our perfect synchronization. Remember about lighter--I bought it before she anmounced Midnights with lighter, but, just an hour or two before it. Right before it--there is a video with cheque and we know that it's real as I uploaded it right at moment, to deleted account.

Today--she mentioned MasterMind and here I am showing you ZMM from my sigil, and Mcdonalds should be a suggestion so that you can make such transition.

The same day with Queen Elizabeth II, as I said I knew when she died, but I planned it myself, ahead, more than 9 months ago (Actually since November, approximately)

What I want to say--remember about perfect timing that Ukraine so desperately tried to disprove and failed in all cases without exceptions. Absolutely all and they know it. Photo 5--I am holding Missionary from 'my' SH3 of 2003. Remember I said that she can do the same before we watched video from TIFF 2022? Intelligence of USA knows it, I said that she can do the same before we saw it

She actually can do it with slightly less precision than I, but bery precisely, at least at the start

Xi, but what matters is 19 and 18--ABB

We have that perfect synchronization, both of us have no microchips. I have much better things of my own production--microchips are just nothing in comparison to what I am using. And I confirmed my words already many times.

Still USA is unable to take situation under control, testing us all each they--whether we will die. It will end with her getting a bullet in her body, and then activation of Grace. Look at numbers:

60 dead, 867 wounded

As I said, if GS (Only one of DNWSBF components) will get you--you might survive, even getting bullet in your stomic--med staff will save you

Chances of death ~ 1/10

If she gets bullet in stomic--Grace will be activated before she dies or will be saved

Why? Xi, how do I distinguish bullet in stomic from shooting if ABB2 or Paddock2, and bullet in stomic as to torture her, or if she will be stabbed in belly, again, as to torture her? I don't want my wife Taylor Swift to be tortured, so that's the difference between her and, for example, you (Unless you have similar mechanisms): you can get bullet anywhere in your body except your head or heart, and you will likely survive. If she gets bulket anywhere--we all going to die, because rule 'Grace protects her from tortures (Grave Grace Stargraver--v-c=19 again, 06.06.2018--06.06 my true birthday)

USA plays with us all--each day. I explained everything already. They do not control the situation.

Xi, notice the same gamma.

I was constructing that drawing for transition Style->Out Of The Woods--+1--required to receive surname of my wife [ Taylor Swift ]* 💜💜♾♾ in my id--yet another trick with my id that I put inside and bout which Ukraine had no idea.

3 to 4. See--34

7+18+1+3+5=34

Grace

Grane--would be 45

Grave--would be 51

Look at Gangreen--7 at 3. 37/73

No hackers allowed. The same gamma

If those morons will try to cut off connection to Grace, anyhow (To do it in a reasonable way is very untrivial task)--it will be activated

Xi, reasoning is very simple, as when spy takes poison before he gets captured. If my wife gets to enemy so sophisticated that he will be able to anyhow impact connection to Grace, and the same is true for her clones--it means that he wants to turn it off, to torture her. So we take poison EXACTLY as Romeo and Juliet (28) and die together--at different places, but at the same time. Taking the rest with us--as this is what Grace is about. So don't be surprise with gamma

Why green, Xi? Exactly because of my eyes. Not because of anything else. That's 'the forest' 'the woods (43)'--lesss--Through every forest, above the trees

Within my stomach, scraped off my knees

I drink the honey inside your hive

You are the reason I stay alive

Xi, USA has fun seeing me writing to you. They are completely insane. They can't understand anything--they do not control situation.

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stunads · 1 month

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can you ever delete memories and feelings from your brain hard drive?

bryan is so interesting

i literally can’t help falling in love with him? scientifically speaking of course

it’s just so interesting

interacting with him from this much more mature place, as someone who understands herself a lot more, and understands life a lot more, and probably him a lot more even though there’s actually so much i don’t know about him now

it’s almost like i can see the past in the present

gosh i wish i could put this in to words

hopefully this is enough for my chronicles

i wonder if we’ll ever get to unlock the mystery of who we are to each other

memories flash in my mind, i can’t see them or conceptualize them but it’s like a feeling

i’ll just randomly smile during the day

and somehow i’ll know it’s because i remembered something about bryan

i mean, i haven’t changed all that much in my core, if anything .. i have become more myself

and that girl is the same girl that fell in love with him

i’m her, heyyyy it’s me

and he’s still so him

so it’s just interesting that after all this time, it feels like no time has passed

and my brain just snaps back to heart eyes, heart boom, smiling at my phone, thinking about .. that thing we used to do

gosh i literally haven’t thought about sex in a minute

that primordial blood oath am i right

let me stop typing

this was supposed to be scientific note taking

i truly need to stress to myself in the future and any potential stalkers or future invited readers that i absolutely do not care about romance at this time in my life

i have absolutely no desire to be in a relationship

i have no relationship gas in my relationship tank

all men are insane

bryan included

i don’t even know if that’s the guy i would even want to be my husband when it’s all said and done

he has on numerous occasions demolished my heart, annihilated my confidence, warped my body image, scrambled my brain to the point where only God knows the extent of how clinically insane that relationship made me, used me for my body? , lied ?, cheated and got away with it ??? , humiliated me, many many more nightmarish things the last of which i will mention here is straight up tell me he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me lmfao

woof. a lot to unpack still lol

when i say scientific i mean scientific

i’m like the most normal genius girl on earth, i know future me will know if she ever needs to go back and review her field notes

that this girl is not tripping over bryan cromwell

just so curious to unravel all of these strange feelings

dreams that feel so real

the unstoppable feeling of wanting to catch up with him if it’s been too long

the undeniable truth that seeing his name pop up on my phone is still in my top favorite feelings

and let’s just say it our fucking sex was bonkers what are we going to do about that

i never want to have sex before marriage ever again stupidest fucking dumb ass idea of my retarded life thanks a lot dumb ass bryan for ruining my fucking life idiot ass

not with the sex that was awesome

by breaking up with me and ruining my life long vow of celibacy until marriage you dumb fucking piece of shit

and then i went insane and had a few accidents because being a girl is very very hard and guys don’t understand this at all and guys are very pressurey and i was raised to perform whatever tasks and fulfill whatever requests were asked of me and there are many other things that contributed to my dumb assfuckign idiot ass being perpetually retarded for a few years

not that you asked or cared piece of idiot shit

sometimes guys threaten you and throw things at you or start screaming or threaten to hurt themselves or start failing out of college if you don’t agree to hang out with them

or get you way more drunk than they got and sometimes even put things in your drink!

or fucking kiss you when you fall asleep in your own house like a fucking freak of nature

so yeah once SOMEONE you ONLY had sex with because he also believed in God and Jesus and also was planning to wait until marriage and then one day he said okay let’s go for it because obviously we are gonna get married we just can’t yet because we’re 16

when that guy dumps you forever right before college starts and he’s going to the same college as you even though he was going to penn state his whole life and said he would never go to tcnj probably just to make sure you don’t fall in love with kevin ramos

because he didn’t see or hear all of the many times you tried to tell him kevin ramos was a dare i say abusive, incredibly manipulative, scary freak that you only fell into the clutches of because aforementioned virginity taker couldn’t decide which of his fan girls he wanted to claim

when that guy dumps you before college, the guy that made you feel guilty about having premarital sex and the imminent afterlife in hell even though he pulled the trigger and you only did it because Jesus personally told you it was totally kosher because we were the most cutest couple ever, married in our hearts and in the eyes of the Lord who knew our hearts

when that guy DUMPS YOU right before you embark on another 4 years of being trapped in the same habitat, and says it’s because he doesn’t like your personality at all he is just using you for your body and that is wrong

when that happens to you, and your sacred seal is broken along with your mind body and soul

and you don’t have the protection of purity any longer

or the will to live lol

welp you get into some precarious situations and girls are taught to fuck their way out of them lest we be stabbed or strangled or punched or something

so anyways woof a lot to unpack there LOL

what was i talking about

oh right

i also only had *** with dumbass mother fucker even bigger idiot evil piece of dumb ass h**** because i thought i was gonna marry his stupid ASS because i’m so fucking RETARDED and i was legally brain dead after my last dumping and as the laws of the realm decree if i get shattered by bryan i have to fall into the hands of a diabolical lying manipulating violent psychopath

but i finally stopped being retarded

so by the power of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ through the grace of God and the guidance of the Holy Spirit i really really really really don’t want to have sex again with anyone on planet earth unless that man is my husband actually ring on, church saw, God saw, locked in

okay but here’s the crux of the issue - what if he’s trash and got a small dick and no stroke and doesn’t have beautiful eyelashes or crooked pinkies or the voice of an angel or makes those cute little faces and noises or grab me and the right way

okay some of those things i can verify pre maritally

i’ve honestly lost track of things a bit got myself a little flustered

it’s so funny how just thinking about how cute bryan is just wipes away any bad feelings i could have lmfaooo now im like girl chill out why did you pop off for 7 paragraphs he can use us for our body that’s fine

LOL i need Jesus to come pick me up fr like i need to hang up my human body in the rafters of this mortal coil like a jersey, i’m at the retarded mall of life and i need a ride home,

anyways i think i made my points for tonight’s field report

to recap

1. i love being friends with bryan

2. i hope one day the nature of our true meaning to each other will become more evident

3. i hope we both find the perfect partner and will be able to each have a beautiful wedding to exact person God made for us and that we can both be at each other’s wedding and God willing that process could happen at the same time so it’s just perfect and we can be truly happy for each other and friends with each others partners and friends together forever

4. life is so beautiful but also so scary and it makes me happy that even though many things change, i can still talk to bryan cromwell and things don’t feel scary anymore

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joeysthoughts101 · 4 months

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“I don’t want to (and I don’t need to)”

The world is changing. Social media has taken over. I don’t even know what the hell is going on anymore if I don’t check my social media accounts. But maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m just not special enough for anyone to share anything personal with me first before sharing it with the world. And I guess that’s fine. I can accept that. But do I want to? Probably? It’s really just whatever. I hold zero resentment towards anyone if I was intentionally left out of any event or any conversation. Nobody needs to do anything to appease my strange desire to be secluded and invisible these days. I just like to be invisible. I don’t know man. I just don’t want to advertise myself as some sort of “cool guy” anymore and I sometimes find it very cringe that people do that on social media. Does that make me judgmental? Probably. But not for any other reason other than just wanting to be left alone. People might say, “It’s because you’ve gotten fat and you’re not as cute as you used to be. Your abs are gone and you have a fat face now.” Okay, fine. I’ll accept that too. But the truth is, no I’m not. I’m perfectly content with my weight and my looks as of right now. Right now. And if I say that out loud, would people believe me? I don’t know and I don’t care.

People change. I’ve changed. And this is me telling the world that I’ve changed. I used to rely on my supposed “good looks” and “hot bod” to get attention. I’m no longer that person. I just don’t give a fuck anymore. I’d rather have a nice juicy steak and lots and lots of creamy pasta goodness than eat a salad or count my calories. I just don’t want to do that anymore. And I don’t need to. And I love that about myself. I don’t want to go out to bars anymore either. I don’t need to impress anybody, and I don’t want to. Take me for who I am. Let me be the quiet one. Let me be the supporting character who rarely has a say in anything. Let me post and delete my content. Let me vent and let me make them disappear. It’s my choice just as much as it’s anyone else’s choice to share their personal situations on social media. Do you and I’ll do me. But that’s all it is. In my mind, it’s growth and it’s a personal decision I made to keep myself in a safe position in this “new” world. I refuse to conform.

But what the fuck am I even saying? Who am I even saying all of this to? I don’t know. I’m just talking to myself I guess. People like to insinuate that they know you and they get you by reacting the way that they do when you’re just saying things. When you just have an opinion that differs from the rest. But do they really know you? Do they really know me? Have they accepted the fact that people CAN change? That people can learn from their mistakes? That people can self-reflect and understand that they had to make a change to better themselves? Do they know all that? Do they accept all that? And does it matter? How do we move on if we continue to cling on to an idea that this person was ‘hella stupid!’ and ‘hella terrible!’, and has now actually made an effort to change for the better? Introspection is a hell of a drug, yeah? Because they now know they were a trainwreck in their past lives? In the stages of growth, regardless of how inconvenient or convenient it may be. Do people get that? Again, I don’t fucking know.

I just think that it’s a natural human thought process to never ever let go of how you knew a person, so it lingers. And subconsciously, we will never let go of that idea we have about someone because we probably have our own demons to conquer, so we deflect. And by deflecting, we are actually just instinctually protecting ourselves from feeling like a piece of shit, because oh shit, someone actually got smarter and more mature and I’m still in the same position I was 5 years ago. Our minds do whatever the hell we need to do to protect our own hearts and our own insecurities. So instead of seeing this change in another person, we would rather see this person as the person we used to know. But that person doesn’t even exist anymore.

And that’s what gets me.

#gay #gay thoughts #gay blog #joeys thoughts #thinking out loud #gaysian #gay blogger #blog

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callmearcturus · 3 years

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just talkin about classpects

okay what do i even wanna say here

first off: I am genuinely, deeply, passionately not interested in anyone "well actually"ing me on any of these thoughts. i promise I have thought these things through, and they are my thoughts, and if that hellion known as hussie themself showed up, i would not care about their opinion for various reasons.

okay so classpects are pretty cool right

here's some scorching hot takes form the word go: I don't really think I buy the idea that classes and aspects have opposites/inversions. i don't even really think Calliope's theory of passive/active classes are particularly correct, as she is canonically just doing theorycrafting of her own. and i like her theorycrafting! but I don't think it's foolproof "canon".

My favorite breakdown of Classes was done by a friend who sadly left fandom a few years ago, but it's based on the archetypical roles that the person would fill.

maid: the survivor, the character who's been through hell at the start of their arc and then rises above it

page: the secretly clever ingenue

mage: the mad scientist

knight: the jerk with the heart of gold

rogue: the upbeat team player, the robin hood, all about the team

sylph: the fixers, they see a situation that is broken and immediately think they can improve it either with their knowledge or they can get the necessary knowledge

seer: the wizard, deals knowledge out, tends to kickstart the story

thief: the devilish, mercurial trickster with depths of vulnerability

heir: the fool, the eccentric hero with strange charisma

bard: the dangerous, changeable wild card

prince: the emotionally distant damaged one longing for closeness, either rises above or shatters

witch: the sweetheart with the iron core, warning: susceptible to mind break

even all these years later I look over this and nod along. Because one of my favorite things about the idea of classpect is how they are trying to prescribe a certain character arc to a person.

I am a Prince of Heart because, yep, I am an emotionally distant damaged person who both was shattered in the past and now has (hopefully) risen up from that pain.

Why am I Heart, though? Because I'm sort of obsessed with the idea of performance, of the way the Self manifests, with what is on the surface and what is underneath, and with the pursuit of self-actualization via nothing but self-discovery. These are things that might overlap with other aspects (Mind comes to mind) but they all are core to Heart. Heart players are incredibly self-absorbed, unfortunately. /laughs

My actual favorite aspect is Hope though, because it's just bullshit. It and Rage are the most absorbed in how The Game Of Sburb actually works, imo. Hope is... cheat codes. It's going off the scripted path. It's exploits. It's for the players who go "okay I know how this is supposed to go, but how do I break that because I prefer it my way." For Jake, that manifests as Peak Fucking Bullshit Gameshark Codes that the game itself struggles to contain (I read the time when BGD was fading in and out of Realness as the game basically trying to get Jake back on a fucking leash). For Eridan, it means observing all the mechanics and the storyline laid out for the Trolls and Kanaya specifically and going "actually NAH i'm gonna have a TANTRUM instead" and he broke the game for them basically. HOPE IS BASICALLY when you are in a Gamebryo engine game and you delete an essential NPC just because you can, and the game is like "HEY! WHAT the fuck!" Love it.

If anything is the "opposite" of Hope to me, it's Doom. Doom, to me and how I have always used it, is the person who can See The Source Code, the folks who know they are in the game, who slowly gain such thorough knowledge of the systems they are trapped in that they can then Rules Lawyer their way through to their goal. It's kind of a depressing aspect tbh because it's about seeing the chains you are in, and yes you can struggle and manipulate around them but... Doom players don't break the rules in the way Hope players do. My friend Kiore strongly brings to mind Doom honestly.

shit this post is getting long. someone ask me what aspect you want my thoughts on and i'll continue. someone ask me about blood bc i love it.

i'll tag these as #classpect navelgazing for easy navigation/blocking

#whomstve #long post #meta meta meta #classpect navelgazing

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angelicimagines · 3 years

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(Regular Ask | Any Mod) Post-Game Hajime, Nagito, Gundham, Sonia, and Akane dating the Ultimate Enologist who always plays tricks on them with swapping their drinks (innocently). Like; Hajime being asked to taste their new concoction, and it's literally just orange juice/favorite drink with no sweetener/additives, LOL.

Hello there Anon. This reminds me a lot of those "potions" that we all made when we were kids but they were really just soap and some other stuff mixed with water. I also took some creative liberties with this one cuz I had to mix it up a bit. Here's your request. In other news tumblr crashed on me in the middle of this and deleted a whole ass section. I am ready to fight god with only primal rage as my weapon. -Mod Shuichi

(Post–Game) Hajime Hinata, Nagito Komaeda, Gundham Tanaka, Sonia Nevermind, Akane Owari with a playful Ultimate Enologist!S/O.

Hajime Hinata🍊

🍊 Is immediately suspicious of you. You served him a glass of your new "concoction" but it just tasted like orange juice. Does he look like an idiot to you? 🍊 Begins "interrogating" you about the drink like you're in a trial. You must be the ultimate actor because your acting skills were top notch during the questioning. 🍊 He's out of truth bullets, shit. You got lucky this time, he has his eye on you. 🍊 He is also a massive hypocrite. 🍊 He loves watching others' reactions to your "concoctions". You usually pull this trick when they have already tried some of your original work, so they definitely don't expect to taste lemon juice in what is supposed to be a glass of your newest work. 🍊 Tries to hold in his laughter because then it would look suspicious, like you two were up to something. Maybe in the future though. 🍊 Back on track, he just knows you're paying tricks on him and wants to confront you about it, but… 🍊 Man's a simp. You're just so happy whenever someone falls for your tricks and you genuinely have a passion for creating and pranking and who is he to stop your fun. 🍊 When you do pull the trick on him, y'all have a back and forth debate on whether or not the drink is actually a new creation or apple juice. 🍊 You insist it's a new concoction and he goes "NO THAT'S WRONG!" Oh shit, he's onto you. Rethink your strategy stat! 🍊 You gave him something actually original and said it was "orange juice". 🍊 He drinks it, blinks a few times, and then glares at you. You apparently have a deathwish because you lean closer to his face and feign innocence, batting your eyelashes at him while asking what's wrong. 🍊 You expected another interrogation or maybe a "listen here you little shit", not a kiss on the lips. A surprise to be sure. 🍊 That was the start of a routine. Everytime you played your tricks on him, he'd pull you in and kiss you. You didn't know why he did that, but it was a fun way to get kisses. 🍊 If you ask him, he'd say he wanted you to taste teste your new drink <3

Nagito Komaeda☘️

☘ Very conflicted on how to feel. On one hand, he is sure what he is drinking is not the liquor you said it was; but on the other, who is he to doubt an ultimate? ☘ Plays along and congratulates you on your drink, saying it was very tasty. Bonus points if you do this trick in front of others and they're saying it's plain juice and not whatever fancy name you had said. ☘ Lowkey loves when others argue about your drinks. He always takes your side and it's hilarious. ☘ "I'm telling you that's not wine, it's cranberry juice!" ☘ "It's wine, if the Ultimate Enologist says so then it's wine. Did you spend years studying wines and their craft?" ☘ "I'M NOT AN IDIOT THAT'S CRANBERRY JUICE!" ☘ After a few more tricks he figures it out. You're playing a prank on him huh. ☘ He lets you know by saying thanks for the juice instead of whatever it is you said it was. ☘ You almost dropped the glass you were holding. He thought it was due to his luck, but he let it pass. Your face was just too funny to let the opportunity pass. ☘ Even though he knows, he still plays pretend from time to time. One because it makes you happy and two because you have to keep the illusion going for the others. ☘ You bargained with him over that last point. You promised him cuddles (after lot's of convincing that he did deserve them) in exchange for him acting along when you pulled your trick on others. ☘ Now he gets your cuddles, free drinks, and gets to witness your funny moments when you pull the prank on others. Man he really is lucky. ☘ If you name a drink after him or if one of your drinks is inspired by him he'll cry. Will refuse to drink it himself. ☘ You also share a drink that you say it's a new wine but it's really just dyed water. Others are confused by your couple ritual but y'all are happy so who cares. ☘ Nothing makes him happier than hugging you while you work on your drinks though, it fills him with hope <3

Gundham Tanaka🐹

🐹 Is convinced you're working with dark magic. You made wine taste like orange juice, what type of sorcery do you practice? 🐹 Asks you to see the process to check for magic. Oh no, you're fucked. 🐹 Or so it seems. When he's not looking you swap the drinks and keep the illusion going. He has yet to find out. 🐹 You sometimes pretend to add blood (red food coloring) to the decorations of the glass you serve your drink in and pour a special wine into them to make it look like blood. 🐹 People are convinced you two are vampires because of this. 🐹 You make non alcoholic drinks for the Devas in exchange for protection and a special place in his dark realm. You can also pet the devas free of repercussions. 🐹 Is insulted when someone even dares to suspect your drinks aren't really anything new. How dare they question the work of his soul's chosen companion sorry Hajime. 🐹 Very confused as to why others argue with you over your drinks. He is certain the contents of that glass are not apple juice, it's your new concoction inspired by the Devas. 🐹 The day he finds out your secret is the day the apocalypse began (not really but it felt like it). 🐹 You were preparing your drinks for the trick and waiting for him. He decided to surprise you by showing up a bit earlier and that resulted in him catching you mid switch. 🐹 Kept staring at you and the drink back and forth repeatedly, until the information was processed. 🐹 He's been tricked, sabotaged, and quite possibly bamboozled. 🐹 Began to doubt your status as a mortal and started having a crisis. In front of two perfectly fine drinks but ok. You came clean after that and he feigned betrayal. Even got the devan in on it too. 🐹 Both of you acted like it was a scene from a telenovela while trying to hold in y'alls laughter. You eventually got to the part where you begged for forgiveness. 🐹 Will forgive you on one condition, you pull that trick on Souda <3

Sonia Nevermind👑

👑 Before you even got to pull your tricks on her you were already her own personal enologist. Only the best for a princess. 👑 Does notice that your concoctions taste strangely like every day juices you can buy from the store, but she decides to give you the benefit of the doubt. 👑 Loves it when you do it to others though. She might not know what is happening but watching you argue with Fuyuhiko over what you just served him is hilarious. 👑 Gets whiplash whenever you pull your trick right after a formal event. You serve a magnificent cocktail never seen or tasted before and the next second you serve her what tastes like pineapple juice. 👑 You come to her for inspiration on what drinks to do next, it mostly involves references to the occult disguised as fancy people drinks. 👑 Does she find out about your secret? Yep 👑 She was looking for you to spend quality time together when she say you pour a glass of peppermint lemonade and label it as "new drink". 👑 Someone walked up to your stand and asked to try said drink and you served them the lemonade. They were extremely confused and from there a discussion started. 👑 She scurried away before you could catch her, equally as confused as the poor customer you just served. 👑 The next day, she asked to try some of your drinks and they all tasted like normal drinks. What happened to your awesome concoctions you served during parties? 👑 She's on a mission now, she's gonna get to the bottom of this mystery. 👑 One time, while you weren't looking, she snuck into your storage room to confirm her suspicion and found you working on your new wine (legit this time). 👑 You didn't seem to mind she had snuck into your storage room and invited her over to see the process. After that was done you offered her a glass as a taste test. 👑 She took a sip and it tasted like…mango juice? When she looked at you with a confused expression you laughed and offered her a glass of the actual drink. 👑 In that moment she realized she doesn't mind your tricks that much, if it makes you smile that brightly she'll always for for it <3

Akane Owari🤸

🤸 She would gulp down anything that you "concocted" for her because she loves you and you make killer drinks. 🤸 Would probably "get drunk" on whatever you decided to give her because of placebo effects and whatnot. 🤸 It is very fun to give her something like lemon water and saying it's a new type of tequila and you want her to do the honors of taste testing it. 🤸 Gladly does it and comments that it takes a bit like lemon. Then gives suggestions to other flavour you could add in your "tequila". 🤸 Others have tried to convince her it wasn't a new concoction because after the ntheenth time she had fallen for the trick it got a bit worrying. 🤸 She denies it every time. 🤸 One time you were serving her a glass of your new "drink" that was really just apple juice dyed to look like fine wine. 🤸 "Thanks for drink S/O, it looks delicious!" 🤸 You try to supress your giggles as she drank the whole thing and gave you back the glass. 🤸 She did comment that it "kinda tastes like apple juice" but that theory was dismissed due to the color of the drink. 🤸 Your plan fell right into place, good for you. Though the cheering had to be reserved for another time. 🤸 That time would be when you were cleaning the dishes because it gave you some alone time to cheer on your victory and you had a bunch of glasses to clean. 🤸 As you left with her empty glass in hand to get started on the dishes, Akane smiled to herself and lighty chuckled at the recent exchange 🤸 Plot twist, she knew that you were just messing with her. She played along with you because you always had the brightest smile whenever serving her a drink and she loved seeing you happy. 🤸 She just wants to see you happy, plus she gets free drinks <3

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dollsome-does-tumblr · 2 years

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i watched the killing eve finale again just now (it’s possible i fast forwarded through all the carolyn bits) and here’s some thoughts!

it’s too bad this show went out with such a whimper, because i would have LOVED to hear more of sandra & jodie’s thoughts on filming this episode and what it was like to finally get to portray eve and v actually hanging out together and being in love. i’m pretty sure all we got was their thoughts on the ending in that elle article? which, i’m guessing they’re both just busy now, or they anticipated that the finale was going to be very poorly received and decided to just go quiet about it, but I WANT TO HEAR THEIR THOUGHTS! i want behind-the-scenes deets!!!!

i think there’s something interesting in how the setting was so wild/rural for this final episode where they’re finally together, since i think a lot of the trappings that kept them apart and gave them obstacles did feel really rooted in the city and in cosmopolitan life, if that makes any sense whatsoever. like, villanelle being very into material things at the beginning, and eve being very accustomed to normal life in her normal flat with her normal husband. i kinda like how we see all that stripped away alongside all the obstacles that were keeping eve and villanelle apart. (but i love anything set in rustic nature, so i’m biased.)

i wonder if there was a deleted scene that showed them going to sleep in the shared sleeping bag, because you KNOW that must have been a very loaded moment.

don’t ... don’t you want me?? (super obsessed with how the lyrics they feature in this scene really do describe the whole villaneve history pretty spot-on)

i’d like to give a shoutout to villanelle stealing that guy’s phone charger and then being like “can i use this??”, which was a true standout hilarious moment for my bf and i the first time we watched it. oh, villanelle! there will never be another one like ya!

it’s so sad to see villanelle genuinely happy to see carolyn and greeting her like you’d normally greet a friend. it’s another one of those little instances of getting to see her more in touch with her humanity and, considering what comes after, IT SUCKS.

i am also struck by how this episode doesn’t have much super memorable, high quality dialogue, since i tend to think of this as a show that has a lot of really iconic dialogue exchanges between eve and v. i think the bill conversation and eve’s wedding speech are both really resonant, but it’s weird to realize how much of the vitality of this episode really just comes from the performances that sandra and jodie are serving up.

i just cannot unsee villanelle as death and eve as the sun in that killing/dancing montage. that had to be on purpose, right?

i was hoping the ending would hit me harder this time around -- that maybe i would shed a tear! -- but it’s just so WEIRD in terms of pacing that i again was just like “???????? i guess????????” did they really just do it all so villanelle could have the blood wings mirroring those shots of her at the start of the season?? say it ain’t so!

the visual of villanelle disappearing is also super strange, in that it simultaneously looks like she’s sinking downwards and floating upwards. also: what even caused that to happen???

how am i supposed to live with the fact that the final lines of dialogue on this very quick-witted show are “jump, eve!” “oh, shit!” “jolly good.” “aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” ???

i feel like the interpretation that villanelle knows she’s walking out to her death is not a baseless one; watching that moment, it just really feels like she thinks she’s knowingly looking at eve for the last time.

god, this feels so much like a season finale! i’m trying not to be a “requiem” truther, but life’s just not letting me, hahaha.

(can you believe this show had the nerve to romeo + juliet us at the beginning of the season and titanic us at the end. in a way i respect it because why, yes, villanelle DOES have the heartthrob powers of a 90s leo dicaprio! still, pretty depressing because SHE AND EVE NEVER GOT TO WATCH MOVIES!)

#dollsome's deep thoughts #killing eve

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hamliet · 2 years

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I don't know if you're willing to open up this can of worms again, but aren't Isayama's infamous tweet and blog post at this point like 8/12 years old?

I'm saying this because people *still* consistently bring them up.

And as far as I know nothing else has been dug up? (I've been really looking for stuff and nobody really seems to be able to bring up anything else.)

Not that them being old makes them okay, but I feel like consistency is the key to understanding 'problematic' people.

J. K. Rowling just can't seem to shut the fuck up, your average creepy and wierd streamer dude just can't seem to shut the fuck up.

Companies with shitty work environments and their presidents just can't seem to be able to shut the fuck up.

I think I get the feeling Isayama can at least shut the fuck up.

Idk maybe we get some big crazy news tomorrow about how he's put all of his money into right wing shit or something, but as far as I know he's just planning to build a spa and maybe never draw manga again, right?

He did some philantrophy by auctioning off a sketch for AIDS orphans, I believe?

He also clarified Eren's genocide is supposed to be wrong?

I mean that's what I've found, I'm not even sure how many of these are true.

I'm just curious if anything else has cropped up/if you know.

But I also want to be careful about unnecessary praise.

So I am gonna answer this, but then don't really want more arguments, so asks arguing will be deleted (not on you Anon! This ask is fine, I just don't wanna get into it today).

Here's the thing about the internet: things never go away, and because things are still up, they're timeless. Ish. Even if they have been deleted.

Yeah, these comments are very old. I do genuinely get, however, because of what Japan did in WWII, why people who are directly affected in terms of their families (colonization like... doesn't just end) are not able to move past that. They don't have to. The effects are still felt today. No one has to forgive or move beyond it. I caution against telling people they need to move on from a comment supporting one of the men who participating in the abuse, even if the comment was not about the abuse. People are allowed to talk about their hurt and suspicion. I'll never say they can't.

That said, yes, it's entirely possible Isayama has learned more and realized by now. I hope he has. My guess would be that he has.

And that said, I would like to see each and every westerner who screams about the blog post specifically take a good long look at whether they've ever said good things about any of the founding fathers of America, who like owned slaves, or about other people revered in their country because I sure as hell want to tell you that none of us are innocent in this. None. Zero.

People are raised with different perspectives, and part of growing up means reexamining them. People, even historical people, are complex, and can have done great good and great evil (not saying this dude did any good; I don't know much about him).

Actually, y'know what, Americans should take a damn good look at Unit 731, and maybe have a "hmm" moment about why we as Americans never learn about Unit 731 in school. Like, it's not in any US textbooks. Could it be because the US, as much as we held the Nuremberg Trials for justice for the Holocaust, actually helped Japan get away with Unit 731 and the abuses in Manchuria because we got something out of it? (Spoilers: yes. We helped them get away with it in exchange for information gained from horrific human experiments.)

Maybe even take a look at Winston Churchill, a figure I've always had positive feelings about in history, been raised to revere, and then when once conversing with a Japanese friend, I told a funny story about how someone in my office used a lot of quotes from Churchill to encourage us during the pandemic. My friend, who is a wonderfully kind person, gave me a strange look, and then I realized that someone from a country that had been hit with two nuclear bombs might have a slightly different perspective on officials who authorized it.

The Holocaust allusion is the other Big Thing in SnK and is indefensible. The funny thing is I always get accused of defending this when I've always said it's indefensible and a terrible oversight, just because I don't believe the story is fascist and think it was unconscious rather than an act of conscious bigotry. Not that that makes it excusable or better, because it doesn't, and people can hate the work for that and talk about their hurt all they want. But enjoying the story doesn't inherently make someone bigoted (many Jewish people have spoken out about their love of it; they are just as valid as those offended). Yes, it's privilege sometimes to be able to ignore some things and not others, but... what goes into that is complicated.

We are all limited by our perspectives. If people who say you can't enjoy Harry Potter nowadays because you're financially benefitting Rowling have never or will never again buy chocolate from Nestle or Hershey (which use child slaves), then they can talk. Until then, focus on the planks in your own eyes (I completely get why many people will never enjoy HP again and support them in doing so, even if I continue to derive hope from the stories while acknowledging critique, and I know trans people on both perspectives who are all valid). Everyone has their own limits and compromises. It's important to be aware of them, yes, and to keep pushing for a better world and growing, but no one's getting through this earth pure. It's hard to say this without it sounding like an excuse. Maybe it is. I don't mean it to be. I don't know. I just know that I've never read another story that captures the grief of losing a parent in a way that speaks to me with such comfort like HP did.

Ideals and practice are not always the same thing; we're stumbling through a broken world on broken legs with a broken map. Let's look at the lighthouse (ideals) to chart our courses, and use our broken tools to haul ourselves forward, not focus on telling others their tools are bad. People screaming "you're a bad person if you ignore X!" are in sore need of a mirror. We should all work on ourselves.

#ask hamliet #snk #discourse #isayama hajime #tw #i want to use specific tw but tumblr won't let me will it

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shades-of-stony · 3 years

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Heavy Angst (And Not-So-Heavy but Still Angsty) Stony Fanfics!

I’m absolutely love a good Tony whump and hurt story so prepare to see a lot of those here! Get your tissues ready!

Push by phoenixreal

Summary: Tony Stark was known for pissing people off, it was a given. Then, after the man everyone thought was nothing more than a selfish prick decided to nearly kill himself saving Manhattan from a nuclear bomb, even the most sure of Tony's bastard status had to rethink it. And then, his team who were sure they had him pegged, they were invited (ordered) to move into Stark Tower with him. To their surprise, they found he had furnished full floors for each of them, somehow knowing their tastes exactly, including a floor dedicated to the resident Asgardian who would only be there some of the time. Surprised, and please, they all wonder at the enigma that is their host. After a couple months, Pepper Potts stops coming around so much, and they realize that something has exchanged between them because they are rather professional to each other. Pepper still frets over Tony, but instead tells the others to keep an eye on him rather than doing it herself. They easily forget that Tony is, and always has been, simply a human civilian. Then things get strange when they find themselves locked down within Stark tower, and after a harrowing viewing of a mysterious video, they find their resident playboy is completely gone.

Note: Prepare to cry and be hurt! This fanfic dabbles with Tony’s insecurity, self-worth, and issues. Please heed the warnings!

The words you choose to say by masterlokisev159

Summary: After the SHRA, the events around Steve’s death and Tony discovering he deleted part of his brain, Tony finally decides he's done enough. With Osborn taken care of, Tony leaves the Avengers and decides to quit being Ironman effective immediately.

He tells himself it doesn't hurt when Steve agrees. Why should it? After everything he's done, the team's better off without him.

However before he can truly move on, there are things he needs to take care of, and it's not long before he realizes he's dangerously close to losing his company. He's desperate and willing to do anything to keep it together.

So when, after months of silence, Steve asks him to drop everything and come work for Shield, Tony finds he doesn't have a choice. He agrees, no matter how much he knows he shouldn't. His reputation isn't exactly the best after the SHRA and he's heard stories of what he'd done as Director. He's knows what he's done. He's knows he's responsible for what happened to Steve.

He just wishes someone had warned him first. He hadn't been prepared to deal with the consequences.

Note: A 1000/10 angst fanfic that made me weep at 3 am in the morning. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. READ IT AND PREPARE TO CRY BUCKETS

Protocol SOTERIA by GoldenFinches

Summary: Friday's primary objective at all times is to protect one Anthony Edward Stark. And she will fulfill that objective no matter what it takes. Even if it means including certain people she thought she would never have to deal with again.

(Basically the Rogue Avengers get some sense knocked into them with the help of Friday and handful of videos.)

Note: A HIGHLY RECOMMENDED ANGSTY FANFIC. I CRIED SO MUCH READING THIS.

Straight to Voicemail by YouMakeMeDokiDoki

Summary: "I DID!" Tony screamed, cutting Steve off mid-sentence and whirling around to glare at him.

"I CALLED YOU! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!"

The one where no one answered their phone and things got out of hand.

Note: this will absolutely break you heart.

Sunshine and Luck by ImportedfromMunich2

Summary: Months after Siberia, Steve and the rest of the defectors are pardoned and allowed back onto the Avengers, with the help of Tony Stark. Now that they're back - nothing is the same as before. Tony is even avoiding Steve at all costs.

Then one night - Tony barges into Steve's bedroom while he sleeps, and they have spontaneous, passionate sex.

Only, the Tony Stark he just fucked isn't from this universe.

Now, Steve has to find a way to explain to Tony that he had sex with his counterpart from another dimension.

Note: A good Steve whump fic!

When You Mess With Him... by REM_It_Up

Summary: During an event with the Avengers, Tony is kidnapped by an unknown group of men right in front of the team. The group who took Tony taunt the Avengers by leaving small clues to Tony's whereabouts. When the kidnappers finally get in contact with the team, they are forced to watch Tony get tortured on camera.

The Avengers desperately search for their missing friend before they never see him again.

The kidnappers are smart and fast, they have everything figured out in order to get away with their plan...They just forgot one thing--

Colonel James Rhodes

Note: Now this is really heavy! Brace yourselves for a kidnapped and tortured tony! Also, protective honey bear aka Rhodey bonus here!

To Need is Not To Want by Brixon

Summary: All his life Tony has been used as a means to someone's end. Always someone's tool in a game. Carelessly thrown aside, once they had no longer use of him. He keeps it bottled up because, because he's Tony Stark. But he's always had this desire that one day someone would come who would stay because they wanted and needed him. He thought he had that with the Avengers, but after everything with the Accords and everyone leaving after Civil War that hope of having something of his to stay was gone.

Despite being burned constantly, Tony still has this wanting. So when Ryder, an old college friend, comes back into his life and actually seems to want to stay because he wants AND needs Tony, Tony is beyond thrilled. Because Ryder is staying. It doesn't matter if the bruises stay too.

But what happens when the Avengers return and Tony finds himself wondering once again exactly what he wants and what he needs.

Note: I’m sure, from the summary, you can tell that it’s a heartbreak here.

Hiding Things Is All Too Easy - Until It Isn't by audhds

Summary: Tony hasn't been the same since Bucky arrived at Stark Tower. That much is obvious. But Steve is overjoyed to have his best friend back and is somewhat oblivious to how Tony is withdrawing away from him. Because surely Tony is just overworked as usual. He must be quiet and jumpy because he is sleep deprived. And of course he has a few cuts and bruises on the visible parts of his skin - he fights and works for the Avengers as a living. It's part of the job description. Until it isn't.

Will Steve discover the physical and mental trauma that Tony is going through before it is too late?

Note: This is even heavier! Please read the tags carefully! Also, this has some serious Bucky bashing! If you are a Bucky fan but still interested in this, please prepare yourself.

No Trait As Much As This by KandiSheek

Summary: Tony gets hit with truth serum. It's a terrible time for everyone.

Note: A bit lighter than the others but still angst nonetheless. The added truth serum element makes this even more interesting!

Good For You by @orbingarrow

Summary: Steve doesn't understand why Tony dates people who abuse him. Tony doesn't understand why Steve cares.

The rest is bad choices, good choices, rehab, milkshakes, paintball, YouTube videos, couples therapy and learning to put the past in the past. Or: How Tony finds his happy ending.

Note: Another Tony-in-abusive-relationships fanfic!!

hold the things you wanna say by SailorChibi

Summary: Tony is still a consultant, and between SI, the team and SHIELD he's overworked and exhausted. That's okay.

He and Steve have been having sex for weeks but that's all it is, just sex, and Tony wants more but he'll never get it and that's okay. Really.

What's not okay is the fact that Howard Stark has somehow appeared in the future and is the same as always.

This is definitely going to fuck up his schedule.

Note: Anyone up for some Howard-travels-to-the-future fanfic?

Childhood is the Kingdom Where Nobody Dies by MemoryDragon

Summary: Seven-year-old Tony Stark wakes up on a Hydra base, lost, afraid, and alone. He has to overcome his fears before it's too late for the Avengers and Captain America.

Note: De-aged Tony just screams heavy angst and hurt!

Advanced Protocol by masterlokisev159

Summary: The Incursions are coming. The Illuminati have surrendered and everyone has come together to take one last stand.

Everyone except Tony. And Steve is tired of waiting. He wants answers.

There's something the Illuminati aren't telling him.

Note: If you don’t know what the Avalon is in Marvel, I recommend you search it up, or you could read this fic. You will be heartbroken with what you find.

Flower Child by itsallAvengers

Summary: The point was this, though:

In a hundred million universes, in a hundred million different lives, there would never be a single one of them in which Tony Stark deserved anyone like Steve Rogers. Ever.

So this? Nonsensical.

Note: Another fanfic that highlights child abuse and Tony’s insecurities!

What Pays All Debts by KandiSheek

Summary: No one is supposed to survive the date written on their skin. And yet Tony's numbers keep piling up.

Note: Angst + Death dates? You could probably foretell how much of a gut-wrench journey this is.

Falling Into You by sabrecmc

Summary: Tony and Steve end up as fuck buddies after the events of The Winter Soldier until Steve calls it off. When Loki's spell wipes all of Steve's memories since the last time Loki was in town, Tony decides it will be so much easier to just not tell Steve they had something of a relationship. Spoiler: It isn't.

Or, how Steve fell in love with Tony and forgot about it, and how Tony fell in love with Steve and realized it.

Note: There are just something about amnesia fanfics that makes it so goddamn heartbreaking.

Art Freaks and Comic Geeks by Coil

Summary: Tony Stark had made himself a phenomenally renowned writer. The world had fallen in love with the heroes that appeared in his novels; captivated by his vivid words of life and colour.

His next ambition was to publish a comic book series starring the much-beloved heroes of his novels. There was just one problem. Brilliant as Tony may have been with his words, his skills in the field of drawing were less than great. It didn’t help that he barely knew what his characters ought to look like in the first place.

Enter: Mister Steve Rogers – an up-and-coming artist/illustrator with the potential to be brilliant.

Their paths happen to cross at Comic-Con.

Note: this is a much lighter angsty fanfic but is still angsty. It is a Modern AU mixed with Artist!Steve and Writer!Tony.

Unwritten Endings by XtaticPearl

Summary: Tony takes the bullet meant for Captain America at the end of their war and through his death, brings together the team again. Only, he isn't really dead and when he comes back, the equations between the team-mates begin to alter and reform, writing a new story altogether.

Note: Of course, you can’t have an angst fanfic rec without a fake death fanfic!

WIP

Need Is Just A Word by masterlokisev159

Summary: A month has gone by since the war and Tony has never felt more alone. of course, with the unrest within the government, the disappearance of the Avengers and the obvious lack of Steve Rogers, it was only a matter of time before the UN finally flipped out and decided to act on the last available Avenger. Too bad they didn't realise a promise had been made by Captain America to be there when Iron man needed him.

Note: a gut-wrenching Post CA:CW fanfic where tony is suffering the consequences of the civil war.

Take me out tonight by masterlokisev159

Summary: When Steve gets invited to a formal party with the government, Fury tells him he can bring a plus one of his choosing. While listening quietly in the corner, Tony heaves a sigh of relief because the team could really do with some positive publicity and any of the Avengers are a good choice for Steve. Tony just wants Steve to be happy after all, even if he knows Steve's gonna pick Natasha. He knows Steve doesn't like him and he's aware there's never going to be anything more between them. They're barely even friends really.

So of course he's absolutely shocked when a gold filigree letter rests in his palms two days later. He's the worst person for this.

Why on earth did Steve choose him?

Note: AHHHHHHHH, INSECURE TONY IS JUST A FAVORITE. Also, confident!Steve that knows who he wants is just a whole new mood!

The Soul Stone's Sacrifice by masterlokisev159

The soul stone demands a sacrifice that Tony and Steve are not prepared for, but in the end, one life is sacrificed for the many. Steve lets Tony go for the last time and mourns a future they never had.

That is until Tony comes back.

Note: A scenario where Tony and Steve where the ones to go to Vormir.

#stony #stony fic #stony fic rec #steve and tony #steve and tony fic #stony au #stony angst #superhusbands #stony fics #stony fanfiction

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dirk-has-rabies · 3 years

Text

Gender variance and it's link with neurodivergency

Okay so this is it going to be another long one

All quotes will be sourced with a link to the scientific journal I took it from

Okay Tumblr, let's talk gender (I know, your favorite topic) my preface on why this topic matters to me is: I'm autistic ( diagnosed moderate to severe autism) I'm nonbinary trans ( in a way that most non-autistic people don't understand and actually look down on) and I went to college for gender study ( Mostly for intersex studies but a lot of my research was around non-binary and trans identities) I will be using the term autism as pants when I have experience with however when ADHD is part of the study I will use ND which stands for neurodivergent and yes this is going to be about xenogenders and neopronouns.

autism can affect gender the same way autism can affect literally every part of an identity. a big thing about having autism is the fact that it completely can change how you view personhood and time and object permanence and gender and literally all types of socially constructed ideas. let me also say hear that just because Society creates and enforces an idea does it mean that it doesn't exist to all people it just me that there is no nature law saying that it's real and the “rules” for these ideas can change and delete and create as time and Society evolves and changes. gender is one of those constructs.

Now I'll take it by you reading this you know what transgender people are (if you don't understand what a trans person is send me an ask and I'll type you up a pretty little essay lmao, or Google it but that's a scary thought sense literally any Source or website can come up on Google including biased websites so be careful I guess LOL) anyway to be super basic trans people are anyone who doesn't identify as the gender they were assigned at Birth (yes that includes non-binary people I could do a whole nother essay about that shit how y'all keep spreading trying to separate non-binary people from the trans umbrella) some people don't like to use the label and that is totally fine by the way.

now autistic people to view the world in a way differently than allistic (neurotypical) ppl do. we don't take everything people teach us at 100% fact and we tend to question everything and demand proof and evidence for things before we can set it as a fact in our brains. This leads to why a lot of autistic people are atheist (although a lot of religions and this is not bashing on religious people at all I am actually a Jewish convert) this questioning leads to a lot of social constructs being ignored or not understood At All by a lot of autistic people and personally I think that's a good thing. allistics take everything their parents and teachers and schools teach them as fact until someone else says something and then they pick which ones to believe. autistic people study and research and learn about a topic before forming an opinion and while this may lead to them studying and believing very biased material and spitting it out as fact it can also lead them to try and Discover it is real by themselves.

because of this autistic people are more question their gender or not fall in a binary way at all as the concept of gender makes no sense to a lot of us. “ if gender is a construct then autistic people who are less aware of social norms are less likely to develop a typical gender identity”

no really look: “ children and teens with autism spectrum disorder ASD or Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder ADHD are much more likely to express a wish to be the opposite sex compared with their typical developing peers” That was posted in 2014. we have been saying this stuff forever but no one wants to listen. the thing is gender variance (being not cisgender or at least questioning it) has always been closely hand-in-hand with autistic and ADHD people I'm even the doctor who did that study understood right away that it all made sense the whole time: “ Dr. Strang said they were initially surprised to find an overrepresentation of gender variance among children with ADHD. However, they later realized that prior studies have shown increased levels of disruptive behavior and other behavioral problems among young people with gender variance” SEE YOURE NOT WEIRD YOURE JUST YOU AND YOURE NOT ALONE IN THIS!!

5% autistic people who did the study were trans or questioning. it was also equal between the Sexes fun fact. that may not seem like a lot till you realize that the national average is only .7% that's literally over 700% higher than the national average. That's so many! and that's just in America.

in Holland there was a study in 2010 “ nearly 8% of the more than 200 Children and adolescents referred to a clinic for gender dysphoria also came up positive on a assessment for ASD” they weren't even testing for ADHD so the numbers could be even higher!

now I want to talk about a certain section of the trans umbrella that a lot of autistic people fall under called the non-binary umbrella. non-binary means anything that isn't just male or just female. it is not one third gender and non-binary doesn't mean that you don't have a gender. just clearing that up since cis people keep spreading that. non-binary is an umbrella term for any of the infinite genders you could use or create. now this is where I'm going to lose a bunch of you and that's okay because you don't have to understand our brains or emotions To respect us as real people. not many allistics can understand how we see and think and relate to things and that's okay you don't have to understand everything but just reading about this could be so much closer to respecting us for Who We Are from you've ever been and that's better than being against us just for existing.

now you might have heard of my Mutual Lars who was harassed by transmeds for using the term Autigender (I was going to link them but if it gets traction I don't want them to get any hate) since a lot of people roll their eyes at that and treated them disgustingly for using a term that 100% applied correctly. Autigender is described as " a neurogender which can only be understood in the context of being autistic or when one's autism greatly affects one's gender or how one experiences gender. Autigender is not autism as a gender, but rather is a gender that is so heavily influenced by autism that one's autism and one's experience of gender cannot be unlinked.” Now tell me that doesn't sound a lot like this entire essay I've been working on with full sources…..

xenogenders and neopronouns are a big argument point on whether or not people “believe” in non binary genders but a big part of those genders is that they originated from ND communities and are ways that we can try to describe what gender means us in a way that cis or even allistic trans people just can't comprehend or ever understand. Same with MOGAI genders or sexualities. A lot of these are created as a way to somehow describe an indescribable relationship with gender that is so personal you really cant explain it to anyone who isnt literally the same as you.

Even in studies done with trans autistic people a large amount of them dont even fall on a yes or no of having a gender at all and fall in some weird inbetween where you KINDA have a gender but its not a gender in the sense that others say it is but its also too much of a gender so say youre agender. And this is the kind of stuff that confuses allistic trans people and makes them think nonbinary genders are making stuff up for attention, which isnt true at all we just cant explain what it feels like to BE a trans autistic person to anyone who doesnt ALREADY know how it feels.

In this study out of the ppl questioned almost HALF of the autistic trans individuals had a “Sense of identity revolving around interests” meaning their gender and identity was more based off what they liked rather than boy or girl. That makes ppl with stuff like vampgender or pupgender make a lot more sense now doesnt it? We see that even in the study: “My sense of identity is fluid, just as my sense of gender is fluid […] The only constant identity that runs through my life as a thread is ‘dancer.’ This is more important to me than gender, name or any other identifying features… even more important than mother. I wouldn't admit that in the NT world as when I have, I have been corrected (after all Mother is supposed to be my primary identification, right?!) but I feel that I can admit that here. (Taylor)” and an agreement from another saying “Mine is Artist. Thank you, Taylor. (Jessie)” now dont you think if they grew up with terms like artistgender or dancergender they would just YOINK those up right away????

In fact “An absence of a sense of gender or being unsure of how their gender should “feel” was another common report” because as ive said before in this post AUTISTIC PEOPLE DONT SEE GENDER THE WAY ALLISTIC PEOPLE SEE IT. therefore we wont use the same terms or have the same identities nor could we explain it to anyone who doesnt already understand or question the same way! Participants even offered up quotes such as “As a child and even now, I don't ‘feel’ like a gender, I feel like myself and for the most part I am constantly trying to figure out what that means for me (Betty)” and also “I don't feel like a particular gender I'm not even sure what a gender should feel like (Helen)”

Now i know this isnt going to change everyones minds on this stuff but i can only hope that it at least helped people feel like theyre not broken and not alone in their feelings about this. You dont have to follow allistic rules. You dont have to stop searching inside for who you really wanna be. And you dont have to pick or choose terms forever because just as you grow and evolve so may your terms. Its okay to not know what or who you are and its okay to identify as nonhuman things or as your interests because what you love and what you do is a big part of who you are and shapes you everyday. Its not a bad thing! Just please everyone, treat ppl with respect and if you dont understand something that doesnt make it bad or wrong it just means its not for you. And thats okay.

#autism #actuallyautistic #trans #nonbinary #xenogenders #neopronouns #lgbtq #adhd #nuerodivergent #gender identity

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olehswift · 2 years

Video

Hey Stephen,

Xi, look at my 3485608452

You see 48 84

This is exactly Thirty Third, another 4X

How I did it with N and Z (14, 26)--because there is nice transition

Now look into X--24

Rotate it

X again

Each 48 generates XX, the sane for 84 XX

You have another TT--40

Which is Pi also

3(T)560(T)52

You can calculate straight sum, 560+52+3+40=655--another 16 or 100 if you bring it down

But that's not what I wanted to show you

What I wanted to show

Remember that 7525 is a year zero--it gets to 2020 if we bring it down, then gets XORed out with my TT

Here we have TT

So we can replace it with 7525

It will look like that

3(75)560(25)52

Look, Xi. Ukraine starts making those stupid sounds with some strange mechanism in my door when I am writing it, and they start showing stupid material on TV

But somehow we arrive at result that has meaning

Why--because I was constructing this ID myself, with my wife Taylor Swift, and I didn't ask Ukraine about whether I can make such transition, using materials of my friends.

Do you ask Ukraine about allowing you to do something, when creating something in China?

Let's continue

3(75)560(25)52

75+25=100

560+55=615

Sum is 715

That's both 13 and my 71 from N71

we can replace it as N5--if you rotate it by 90', Z and (-5)mod26=21, 26+21=47--again

715, also GO for my old name

(Gorodnitskii, Capital G (37))

N71 for zero sum

(3,3,-6(that is 4--Blank Spaces))

715, bring it up

765

That's our old Blue Whale F57, before applying (132)

Bring it down

210

Use (132)

201--Police

Now another approach

3(75)560(25)52

2552---to 252

3(75)560(252)

560+252=812

812+78=890

Xi, what it reminds you?

890--8990

Bring it up

8995--(89) behind 95

Bring it down

3440

Another X

Sum in pair 74--again

See, Xi, I am using such transformations that only we consider appropriate, receieving correct result from first attempt. Because I constructed it

USA is mad--they will kill us all. Please read and remember what I wrote below--each day we are at edge of death--we all

Ukraine are morons, USA are not in control. And we all are playing Russian Roulette each day

Through every forest, above the trees

Within my stomach, scraped off my knees

I drink the honey inside your hive

You are the reason I stay alive

Xi, in USA, they are insane, they can't understand anything at all.

Today--she mentioned MasterMind and here I am showing you ZMM from my sigil, and Mcdonalds should be a suggestion so that you can make such transition.

The same day with Queen Elizabeth II, as I said I knew when she died, but I planned it myself, ahead, more than 9 months ago (Actually since November, approximately)

She actually can do it with slightly less precision than I, but bery precisely, at least at the start

Xi, but what matters is 19 and 18--ABB

Still USA is unable to take situation under control, testing us all each they--whether we will die. It will end with her getting a bullet in her body, and then activation of Grace. Look at numbers:

60 dead, 867 wounded

As I said, if GS (Only one of DNWSBF components) will get you--you might survive, even getting bullet in your stomic--med staff will save you

Chances of death ~ 1/10

If she gets bullet in stomic--Grace will be activated before she dies or will be saved

USA plays with us all--each day. I explained everything already. They do not control the situation.

Xi, notice the same gamma.

3 to 4. See--34

7+18+1+3+5=34

Grace

Grane--would be 45

Grave--would be 51

Look at Gangreen--7 at 3. 37/73

No hackers allowed. The same gamma

If those morons will try to cut off connection to Grace, anyhow (To do it in a reasonable way is very untrivial task)--it will be activated

Why green, Xi? Exactly because of my eyes. Not because of anything else. That's 'the forest' 'the woods (43)'--lesss--Through every forest, above the trees

Within my stomach, scraped off my knees

I drink the honey inside your hive

You are the reason I stay alive

Xi, USA has fun seeing me writing to you. They are completely insane. They can't understand anything--they do not control situation.

0 notes

anon-e-miss · 3 years

Note

The drone spark

- Jazz. Jazz. Jazz. He just saved the bitties! He’s anything but a drone spark!

Though the Twins escape the centre with impunity, they did not escape their school classroom so easily. Jazz felt confident enough that they were going to be where they were supposed to be and thus he felt safe enough to drop in on Prowl. It was strange thinking of how comfortable his creations were with Prowl and how he had never noticed this before. He should have noticed, being perceptive was a rather important trait in his business but Jazz realized he had long had blinders on where so far as Prowl was concerned. His creations had not possessed the same blinders and Prowl had some how become one of their favourite mechanisms. How and why? Jazz had to wonder. How much time had they actually spent in his office with him, not just lying in wait?

It felt wrong to come empty-handed, Primus only knew why Jazz cared, he doubted Prowl would. Regardless the irrationality of it, Jazz picked up a box of the rust sticks Prowl always seemed to have around. Crystals would wait, Jazz shook his helm. Someone had told the Twins that giving mechanisms crystals when they were in the medicentre was traditional and they wanted to bring some to Prowl. They would be upset with him if he did not let them pick out the crystals, so it would have to wait. He had no idea if Prowl even liked crystals but the Twins were fixated on the idea and Jazz was well schooled in picking his battles.

"Good-cycle, Prowl," Jazz greeted as he strolled into Prowl's room.

The SIC looked up from the datapad he was holding and set it down on his lap. In a mega-cycle, nothing had changed. Prowl still looked rough, yet unflinching, mesh covered almost every centimetre of exposed plating. Still, his optics were clear and bright. Ratchet had found the right balance with his pain blockers, clearly. Jazz knew Prowl usually refused them, something about them addling his process. He did not look addled right now.

"Good-cycle, Jazz," Prowl replied.

"I brought ya rust sticks," Jazz said, showing Prowl the box. "Though, Optimus probably already did."

"He did not, actually," Prowl replied. He tapped the datapad on his lap with long digits that had been so cruelly twisted when Prowl had found him at the Vault. "He brought me drivel."

"'N y're bored outta yer processor so y're actually readin' it," Jazz guessed and Prowl ever so slightly canted his helm. His optics were calculating, they always were but for some reason Jazz was more aware of it.

"To put it mildly," Prowl replied. Jazz opened the box of rust sticks and gave them to Prowl. "Thank you."

Prowl was always polite. Even when he ripped into a mechanism he always did so with perfect language and empirical data to back it up. He might have been one of the pettiest mechs Jazz had ever met, he never failed to back it up with facts. That was probably one of those things about the mech that drove Bots craziest, Prowl was hard to call out when he made such a point of being right. Jazz and he had clashed on the manners front on more than one occasion, superficiality served no purpose to Jazz. He liked things straight forward.

"You have something to ask," Prowl guessed. "You are here to debrief me?"

"Pretty sure if OP wants ya debriefed, he'll do it himself," Jazz said. "If ya got somethin' ya wanna say, I'll hear it."

"There really is not anything," Prowl said. "I am pleased the Twins are intact. I am sorry they heard what they heard."

"They're doin' better after seein' ya in one piece," Jazz replied. "Sunny was more 'n half sure he'd killed ya... I don't know how ya didn't give'm the code after what he did to ya."

"I deleted and the scrubbed the code," Prowl explained. "Even if he had managed to hack the firewalls surrounding my battle computer, he would have found nothing. He is not an adept hacker. He has no patience. As it was, Vortex was quickly distracted from trying to get the code. He became more interested in garnering reactions from me."

"He wanted ya to beg," Jazz said. "Sideswipe said that. Ya didn't."

"It gave him something to work for," Prowl replied. "Something I could easily refuse him."

"Easily, Prowl?" Jazz asked.

"Nothing he did was particularly startling," Prowl said. "Vortex's methods were predictable."

Predictable. Jazz had heard Vortex described in a number of ways but particular had never been one of them. He had seen what Vortex had done to Prowl and it had been the worst of Vortex’s work that Jazz had seen where the victim had lived. It had been up there with the worst Vortex had done in general but Prowl was... stoic seemed like the wrong glyph. It did not feel like Prowl was trying to keep his shock and horror and fear under wraps, it really felt like Prowl just felt nothing and that just felt... wrong. Why was it wrong? Everyone, Jazz included, referred to Prowl as a drone spark. He never flinched at the casualties. He never served as a shoulder to lean on when his team lost one of their own. Prowl was unflinching like a girder. Why did Prowl carrying on as normal feel so wrong now?

“What is Ostaros?” Jazz asked. Prowl’s optics flickered as his intakes suddenly caught. Jazz flinched because if Ratchet turned up right now, he was a dead mech. He reached for Prowl’s servo and covered it. “Ventilate, mech.”

“Ostaros,” Prowl wheezed.

“Vortex said he’d tell ya where Tarantulas has it,” Jazz said. “Ya told ‘m he was full o’ slag.”

“He was,” Prowl said. “He has no idea where Tarantulas is.”

“Ya real sure?” Jazz asked.

“If Vortex knew where Tarantulas was, Tarantulas would be in a cage in Darkmount,” Prowl replied.

“I seen the list,” Jazz agreed. Vortex had almost certainly been blowing smoke out of his afthole and Prowl had been too Prowl to fall for it. “Tarantulas is up at the top. Is Megatron after Ostaros too?”

“I doubt it,” Prowl replied, sounding uncertain, at least by his standards. Jazz’s plating almost stood up on end. “Ostaros is nothing to Megatron.”

“If he did get his servos on it, could Megs use it against ya?” Jazz asked. Prowl jerked his helm and stared at him. He shuddered and Jazz could hear his fans revving. They were so loud Jazz barely heard his answer.

“Yes.”

“What’s Ostaros?” Jazz asked.

“My bitlet.”

#valveplug #maccadams #tf prowl #tf jazz #vortex au #rape recovery #prowl gives no fucks about vortex #jazz is worried because wtf #anon fic ask #anon asks ficlet

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fluffypeachwriting · 3 years

Note

idk if you're still accepting mystery prompts but I have one in mind. (sorry for sending if you stopped accepting and feel free delete this)

Poof! Something happened and all of a sudden Saburo is the same age as Jiro for the three days (or week if you like). How will Saburo react? How do you think his /usual/ arguing with Jiro would go?

-same anon who req. the Hitoya + music sheets. (Ty Tysm for it. Don't forget to take breaks and stay safe! (｡’▽’｡)♡)

Yes, I am still taking mystery prompts, and I’m glad you enjoyed that Hitoya request! (´ ∀ ` *)

This was a lot of fun to write, since it’s interesting to think about how Saburo will grow up. I personally think he’ll get a burst of character development at some point, and his whole holier-than-thou persona will crumble or get tested. I also think that he’ll turn out to be a delinquent just like the other two, maybe not to the same extent though. I think he’ll prefer to do things the way he sees fit, and be less inclined to follow someone else’s rules.

Saburo is very fun to write for, and so I hope you like what I did with this idea!

Saburo woke up, like any other free day, in the afternoon. He yawned at stretched his limbs out, noticing that he had a few more clicks and creaks in his joints than usual. A few twists and turns later took out most of them.

He gave out one last stretch – and winced in pain as he whacked his ankle against the end of the bed. Wincing in pain would be the normal thing to do, but Saburo shrugged it off without thinking, as if this happened every day. Expecting to have slid down the bed in his sleep or something, he craned his head up to look at the headstand, but it was right there.

Like a baby deer struggling to stand for the first time, Saburo wobbled and stood up on lanky legs and stretched his arms up, touching the ceiling. For the first time, he could press his palms flat on the ceiling, whereas usually only his fingers could reach that high. Saburo smiled, pleased that he was actually growing. Perhaps he would grow to be as tall as Ichiro, he thought. It took smaller steps to get over to his door too. He then missed the light switch a few times, though he had been able to do that in the dark easily for years. After slapping the wall a few times, Saburo eventually turned on the light. He didn’t want to think that his body had traded memory for height.

One his eyes adjusted to the light, he noticed that his body wasn’t the only different thing there. His room was largely the same. But largely wasn’t exactly. It wasn’t as if he kept track of all the loose trash in his room, but he didn’t remember having two bento boxes, three ramune sodas, and countless snacks the night before. He knew that his stomach would give him the repercussions.

There was the possibility that this litter had accumulated over a few days, which was the most logical conclusion. However, there was the issue of: what was so important the Saburo had neglected to take care of his bedroom? Being messy was Jiro’s usual crime, and if Saburo was used to doing anything, it was competing with him. Had he given up on being neat and tidy?

Saburo was still too tired to think about it. First, he needed to check himself, on the possibility that he was ill, then get ready to clean up this mess. With tired steps, Saburo made his way to a full-length mirror.

Or, it was supposed to be full length, but for some reason the top of his head was cut off. Assuming that it was just wonky, Saburo got closer and tried to fix it.

However, now that he’d woken up some more and was close enough to see his face, he forgot about the mirror and almost leaped back in shock. It was like there was a different person looking back at him. Saburo was no stranger to all-nighters and sleeping at ridiculous hours, but on this particular afternoon there were dark circles under his eyes which he’d never noticed before.

No, it couldn’t be anyone else. His eyes were the same and he had the same three moles. But his face was slightly longer, and his cheeks slightly less round – the thought of his brothers no longer pinching them crossed his mind, and despite him putting on a displeased face to them, the thought scared him. He didn’t want that to change. He wanted to be the same Saburo that had his hair ruffled when he’d done a good job. But this person had shoulder length hair, with his bangs almost going past his nose.

Contemplatively, he put one hand on his cheek. There was something wrong there too. Until now he was too occupied with his hair to realise that there were patches of stubble on his face. No, that couldn’t be right. There was no hair on his face yesterday, so how could it be this much now? Saburo squinted at his reflection, wondering if he needed to get his vision checked out.

A knock on the door startled him out of this confused haze. Saburo heard from the other side:

“Oi, get up before Aniki gets back unless you wanna get dragged out of bed. It’s almost 3 y’know.”

He was pretty sure that that was Jiro.

Saburo cleared his throat and replied: “Yeah, I’m up.”

Those three words sounded a lot different than he was expecting. Different, in the way that it was significantly deeper than the voice he was used to. He clutched his throat – was he ill?

“You are? Sweet. I’m off to work now so don’t go back to sleep. I won’t be here to wake you.”

He didn’t want to get up and ready for the day. He didn’t want to deal with whatever strange new things were in store for him. There was a lot of things he didn’t want to do, and one of them, surprisingly, was to argue with Jiro. On any other day he’d argue that he wasn’t really asleep for that long, and that Jiro was exaggerating to make him look bad.

“Just five more minutes.” He mumbled, crawling back under the sheets, pulling them over his head.

“Suit yourself, man.” Jiro replied, as Saburo heard him walk away. There was no arguing, no bursting down his door, there was nothing of the sort. Jiro sounded almost… responsible.

The weirdest part was that Saburo still didn’t feel the urge to throw any biting words at him. Was this a new normal? It was calming, in a way. Everything was more stable, and their daily routine had calmed down somewhat.

Wait… Since when did Jiro go to work? Was he talking about a job for Yorozuya Yamada? He must have been, Saburo thought.

His head rested back on the pillow. He knew that he wouldn’t actually be dragged out of bed, the few times where it did happen, Ichiro picked them up out of bed and carried them to the kitchen as the only way to ensure that he would eat breakfast. Thoughts of warm food drowned out everything else, and before he knew it, he fell back asleep.

He woke up and checked his phone. It was midday… but he was sure that Jiro said it was getting close to 3pm. His first instinct was to run his hands through his hair, and he felt an immense weight off his shoulders now that it was back to its short length. His face was as smooth as usual too. He sighed, not even caring if it was a school day or not; he could lie in bed all day bathing in the relief that he as back to his normal self. Saburo didn’t know if it had been a glimpse into the future or a nonsense dream. He hoped it was the latter.

A creak came from his door. Saburo craned his neck up to meet Ichiro’s face.

“Hey, we warned you. Am I gonna have to come in there and drag you out? If you get up within the hour we can go to that new Italian food place you wanted to check out. Okay?” Ichiro acted as if nothing was out of the ordinary – whatever happened must have only happened to Saburo.

“Okay, Ichi-nii.” Saburo rubbed his eyes and threw the covers off. His pyjamas fit normally again.

Though, he was looking forward to growing out of them.

#i may have forgotten about it being for a few days as i was writing this #oopsie!#hypmic #hypnosis mic #saburo yamada #buster bros #mystery prompts

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the-girl-in-the-box · 3 years

Text

Can You Imagine? XIII

A/N: And we’re back with an update for this, too! Wow! For those of you not reading my other fic, Not Today, why not?? I’m kidding- for those of you not reading that fic as well, I gave a brief update that basically just says, I am in classes again, so my posting was a little sporadic during that. But I think I’m getting into the groove, so hopefully updates will be more consistent! With that hope in mind, please enjoy this emotional chapter! Skål! (Also, as a note for the end- it feels a bit final, but I promise this isn’t over! Just something of a sectioning off, I think!)

Summary: Freydis was dead. At least, when she’d lost consciousness, she’d been sure she was. But now she has woken up in a cold, sterile environment, one she is certain is not Valhalla, and the world as she once knew it has changed. People now have strange abilities, some of them, and people they call ‘scientists’ are trying to give them to her. The bigger issue, though, is the fact they have also woken the very man who killed her. Ivar the Boneless lives again as well, in the same way Freydis does, and if they want to survive… she may have to learn to trust him again.

Masterlist

Forgiveness

“We go around. I will take the front, lock them in their minds, while you dispose of the others. Move fast, no hesitation. We can’t afford to mess this up.”

Ivar nodded once at Freydis’s instructions, watching her as she settled in. It wasn’t every day he took his orders from someone else, not on the battlefield, and hearing his wife lay out their strategy was different. It was a good sort of different, though, and he wondered how long she’d been working with strategy. Had this begun when they were in Kattegat still, when he had turned on her and forced her to turn on him in return?

It was hard to not let his mind wander there, back to that night where she’d gone to his brothers, and sold him out to them. What had she thought about, when she got up in the night and left Kattegat, went to the camp of Björn Ironside, and told him about the passages into Kattegat, which Ivar had had built for his family’s escape, and then the next morning when she’d let them in?

He remembered waking then, when she returned to bed after letting them in. He’d had no idea what was happening, just that she’d been gone, and come back. At first, he had let himself believe she’d simply gone… perhaps to relieve herself, and returned to bed then once she was finished. But when they had come under attack, when he realized where the attack was coming from, he’d known. Even if she had denied it, he would have already known the truth. He just couldn’t say, now, if he’d have done anything different if she’d denied it. How badly would he have wanted to forgive her? What would he have done to make himself believe her?

He swallowed hard as he thought about that, and took a deep breath in, before letting it out. “Do we trust each other?” he asked his wife, glancing over at her. She looked different like this, her hair pulled up into a ponytail- two of them, actually, one on top of the other- an almost skintight suit on, black and red in colour, very light on any tactical gear. Which, he was not light on at all. But he didn’t have the same powers as she did.

Freydis looked back up at him. In any other situation, that would have been hard to answer. Years before, before anything went wrong, she’d have answered with a resounding ‘yes’. After her son’s death, it would have been a scornful ‘no’. But now? She swallowed hard and looked back at their target, and answered him simply, “We must.”

Not the best answer, he thought, but an understandable one. After all the water under the bridge, water he knew he had unleashed, it was almost unfair to ask Freydis to trust him. But he had to, under these circumstances. Because their lives were at stake now, both of them. Because… if they got this wrong, if they blew it, they’d both take the fall, and who knew how that might look? If they didn’t have each other’s backs in here, they’d lose the chance to have them back there. That much, they were both certain of.

He still nodded, and shifted into a better position to get a good, running start from. The thought was almost strange to him that he’d be running at his enemy this time, as opposed to riding at them in a chariot. Or, hobbling at them with a crutch. His first fight standing on his own two feet, with ‘no hands’, he figured he could say. It almost brought a bitter chuckle from him. Fighting in his life before death, and fighting in this new one. Apparently, he wasn’t ever the type to be afforded a break.

A determined look had set on Freydis’s face as she watched their target, a warehouse being guarded by a handful of agents. The real target, of course, was inside. They were told to take in a thumbdrive, which they had been then taught how to use, to download two specific files. That was the extent of their mission, and then they’d be ready for extraction. Get in, get the files, and get out.

As the set of guards in front of the building changed, Freydis got into a position Ivar hadn’t yet seen her use, and he lifted a brow. “On my mark,” she muttered. He nodded, and looked ahead. They both watched as the guards from before went inside, and the new set settled in, and even then, Freydis gave it a few moments, letting the old guards get completely unready to come back out and fight. As soon as she calculated the right amount of time had passed, she gave a sharp nod.

Ivar watched with wide eyes as she suddenly launched up into the air, red glowing energy pouring from her hands and propelling her up. He’d never seen her do that before, and he blinked a few times, before shaking out his shock and taking off at a full run. It was much faster than he’d seen anyone run before, when back in Kattegat, and so he propelled himself as quickly as he could through the snow, arriving just after Freydis who landed in front of him.

It was a solid landing, one he thought might have broken his body even now had he attempted it. She landed firmly on her feet, and the poor guards in front of her looked suddenly as if they’d seen a ghost. And of course they had- they’d been so focused on Ivar running at them that Freydis had essentially been in complete cover.

The guards pulled their guns then, and Freydis lifted a hand. They suddenly found that their guns wouldn’t fire, and one of them suddenly turned his gun on another of the guards. His eyes had turned a glowy, almost bloodshot red, the sight striking horror into their hearts. She had him entirely under her control. With no other option, they all levelled their guns on him. Freydis smirked.

“He won’t fire, if you let my partner in with no trouble,” she said. “We don’t want to cause a scene, don’t worry, we just have to collect something and we’ll be on our way, hmm?”

One of them nodded eagerly, and so Freydis nodded to Ivar, who then stepped inside the building. He was gone for a while, as Freydis simply stood there with the guards, holding the one, and the others watched her fearfully. “How’s your day going?” she asked, smirking at them.

“It was alright…” one answered, after a very pregnant pause. “Kind of intense now, though.”

Freydis hummed as she sought out the one who spoke with her eyes, and used her free hand to wave him over. He obeyed shakily. “What’s your name?” she questioned him.

“Stevens,” he said. “Um. Private- Private Stevens.”

“Your first name is Private?” she asked, tilting her head in such a way she was clearly asking for his full name.

“No,” he answered. “It’s Roger.”

“Roger Stevens,” she said then, and nodded. “What is your worst fear, Roger?”

“Well, before today, probably something different,” he answered her honestly. “But, now, it’s um, it’s that.” He pointed to the man still under her control.

“Being under my control?” Freydis asked. He nodded shakily. “You won’t be. Not as long as this goes well. Tell me, who do you work for?”

“British Secret Intelligence, ma’am,” he answered.

“And what are you guarding, Roger?”

“Um, I’m not sure. They don’t tell us that much at this level. We just aren’t supposed to let anyone in.”

“And what will happen to you now that you have?”

He swallowed, and shifted on his feet. “Might get in trouble,” he answered. “We’ll have to report it. So.. yeah, maybe a few demerits or something, I don’t really know.”

Freydis lifted a brow. “Demerits?” she asked. “What is that?”

“Basically a bad mark on our file, we get too many and there’s disciplinary action. We can work them off, though. Or trade them out for merits, we get enough of those.”

She blinked a few times, looking back toward the building where Ivar was. “So… they would not… do something horrible, if you fail?”

“What?” the man asked. “‘Course not. They’re strict, but they aren’t evil.”

They aren’t evil…

Those words made something sink in Freydis’s chest, and she gave a small nod. “Thank you, Private,” she said. He could tell she seemed a little off now, and he lifted a brow, but didn’t say anything as he walked back to his position.

She was quiet, until Ivar returned, and even then, she wasn’t quite right as she released the one guard, and they walked away. “Did you get what we needed?” Freydis asked him.

“I did,” he answered, showing her the thumbdrive. She nodded.

“And deleted it from their systems?” This time, Ivar nodded. “Good. We should be alright, then.”

Ivar looked at her with a concerned expression. “Freydis…?” he began, and she looked up at him, swallowing and shaking her head. Don’t ask, she seemed to say, and Ivar nodded slowly. For the rest of their walk, silence reigned.

By the time they returned to their apartment, Freydis was still off. Neither Dr. Schmidt nor Professor Andersen had noticed anything, but Freydis had been Ivar’s wife for many years now, even if they’d been separated for a majority of that time, and he knew her better than she thought he did. She may have asked him to tell her the specific things, things like her favorite colors, or her favorite drinks, and maybe he hadn’t been able to answer her, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t observed her, closely, for well over a year in close quarters. He knew how to tell when something was bothering her now, far better than anyone else.

Some quiet part of himself, a part he wished was quieter than it was, began to question if she was dissatisfied with him again, or even angry with him, even though he could think of nothing he might have done to cause that concern. He supposed that was just left over from being blindsided before by her turning against him, and the realization he should have seen that coming from thirty miles off.

As soon as they were alone, Ivar asked her, “What is bothering you?” She didn’t answer, not aloud, but walked to him and put her hands up to the sides of his face. The same energy which had shot her across a field began to leak from her fingers, seeping into his mind. He let his eyes slip shut as this happened, and when they opened, he and Freydis were stood once more in Kattegat. He blinked a few times, remembering how she had done this once before, and his heart began to pound. Was this going to be another showing of his fears? Or would this be something else? He hoped, something better.

There was a slight bit of hope that actually did come to him when he realized they both appeared exactly as they had in their apartment. So… nothing yet that he was afraid of. What was this, then?

“I could not risk us being overheard,” Freydis told Ivar. “There are still cameras in our apartment, but in our minds, they cannot hear us. We are safe here, and we can talk.”

Ivar blinked a few times in confusion. “What do you want to talk about that they cannot overhear?” he questioned her.

With a deep breath, she answered, “I think something is very wrong here. When we were on that mission, I spoke with one of the agents who was guarding the building. I was trying to keep them intimidated and occupied, and I asked what their leaders would do when it was reported they had been robbed, and…” She paused, shifting uncomfortably. “It was nothing like what would have been done to us, had we failed.”

“It was better?” he asked, and she nodded.

“Far better. ‘Disciplinary action’, not being taken away from the only person you know, and locked in a cell alone as opposed to the apartment you share with that person.”

Ivar sighed. “Was I ever this cruel?” he asked her. “In Kattegat?”

Freydis swallowed. “I don’t know,” she said. “You… did kill people who you believed had committed treason against you, which is less cruel than what would be done to us for messing up, but you also would not need much proof there had been treason, before you would kill someone for it. Not to mention, Baldur, but even that you saw as mercy. So ultimately? I think you were not so cruel as this, even if you could have been perceived to be.”

Ivar sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “How do you not hate me, now?” he asked her. “I know, you say you had that vision, that it showed you we should be fought for, but how was that enough to erase the pain?”

“It erased nothing,” she confessed. “The pain was still there, I just saw that there could be something when the pain subsided. It is…” She paused, and gave a small chuckle. “Like having a baby. There is a lot of pain, in the hardest part, but then you are happier than you have ever been, holding your child. I think it is the same here. There was a lot of pain, there still is, sometimes, but the healing is happening. At least, I feel it, anyway.”

Ivar looked at her again in shock. Of all things he’d expected in this space, this confession was far from one of them. “You feel that we are healing?” he asked her, and she nodded.

“I do,” she said, and when he tilted his head, seeming about to ask her something, Freydis sighed gently and made her way over to him. She rested her hands against his chest, and his hands immediately came up to cup her cheeks.

It was like a flash from their shared history, and he realized why just as soon as she did. They had stood this way, exactly, when he killed her.

Ivar swallowed as he thought of this, his thumbs brushing over her cheeks gently, and she leaned into his touch. “We’ve been here before,” he said, his voice barely a whisper. “The day I…”

“I know,” she replied just as softly. “I know, Ivar. But you won’t do that again. I know you, you won’t.”

“I did once, though,” he reminded her. “I killed you, I killed our son, I… I was horrible to you. How can you stand here now and think I won’t do these things again, hmm?”

“Because I can see you have changed,” she said. “Before, you would have never confessed to these things, never shown remorse. But you do now. And when I look at you, I don’t see the man who killed Baldur, who killed me. I see a good man. I see my husband.”

Ivar swallowed hard, closing his eyes, and he leaned into her touch despite himself when he felt her hands on his cheeks. “How?” he asked, his voice breaking under the emotion, the ache in his chest. “How do you…?”

“You could have killed me many times over, Ivar, since we have been here,” she told him honestly. “And even so, I can sense you are a changed man. This is what my vision said, that I needed to fight myself for you. And do you know? I think I have finally won.”

“What do you mean you have won?” Ivar asked.

His heart was beating wildly in his chest, somehow terrified to hear her answer. But all the fear and pain in the world, all the love and healing in the world, could not have prepared him for what she said.

“I forgive you.”

He fell apart in her arms, clinging to her as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, sliding her fingers through his hair. He didn’t deserve this, he told himself. He knew he didn’t. And yet, here she was, holding him and whispering words of encouragement, soothing words to him as he sobbed into her shoulder.

“I love you, Freydis,” he sobbed out. “I love you.”

“I know,” she replied. “I know, Ivar, my love. I know. I love you, too.”

Ivar blinked a few times, and they had returned to his apartment, and he was looking down into her eyes, still glowing red as the magic flowed back into her, releasing them from that place they had gone. As soon as her eyes cleared, Ivar took her face between his hands, and he kissed his wife. He kissed her with all the love he had for her, pent up over years and years of knowing what he had done, hating himself for it always. But now, she was here, she was real, and she loved him still.

Forgiveness. Can you imagine?

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#ivar the boneless #ivar #ivar ragnarsson #freydis #queen freydis #ivar x freydis #freydis x ivar #freyvar #alex hogh andersen #alicia agneson #ivar's heathen army #vikings #vikings history channel #history channel vikings #can you imagine?#chapter thirteen

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