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naughtyneganjdm · 5 months

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Naughty or Nice - Chapter 10

Summary: After a confrontation, Negan finally erupts on Hershel for the way he is with his daughters. Y/N opens up to Negan about what she discovered with Beau.

Characters: Negan, the reader (OC), Beau, Maggie, Hershel, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51464518/chapters/133666453

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, angst, smut, etc.

Notes: I'm working really hard to get this story done. I've written a lot of it and have most of it done, just have to edit it and put it up. Thanks to those that take the time to comment. You guys really make my day.

A soft rustling sound filled the air drawing Negan to lift his head up from the pillows. Amongst the darkness, he saw nothing. That was one thing about being in the attic, it sure did get dark at night. Faint footsteps were heard and it made him smile. Getting more comfortable in the bed, Negan pretended to be sleeping. After he left Y/N and Beau, Negan just came upstairs and let things cool down which took a while. With how long Y/N was being in returning to him, he was starting to think that she had forgotten about him, but with the bottom of the bed dipping he was happy that it seemed otherwise. A soft tug of the sheets was felt before they were being thrown up so she could crawl under them up the bed.

“What in the world are you doing?” Negan snickered feeling the warmth of hands caressing up and over his thighs toward his hips. Sucking on his bottom lip, Negan hummed and dropped his head back into the pillows. Huffing out, he felt fingers hooking into the waistband of his pajamas tugging on them along with his boxer briefs. “Oh, I see.”

Lifting his hips, Negan helped get the material down to the bottom of his waist and he swallowed down hard. It did only seem fair that since Y/N left him with a set of blue balls that she would come back and make up for it. An amused breath fell from his throat when he felt the warmth of breath over his manhood. The only thing he could see in the darkness was the movement under the blankets when faint kisses were being pressed over his hip, “Are you making up for earlier? You’ll have to do a good job because the blue balls are pretty bad.”

Hooking his arms behind his head, Negan stretched out his body and felt delicate fingers wrapping around the base of his cock giving his body small strokes. They were soft at first, working to get him hard and he hummed out. Pretty quickly the jerking motions got a little more aggressive and it made Negan grunt. This was a different choice of pace.

Closing his eyes, he felt the warmth of a mouth surrounding his semi erect cock and let out a long exhale. It was an attempt to get him fully hard and he knew that. It was vastly different than earlier, but the movements continued until she pulled her mouth away to stroke her fingers over his saliva covered length that was now rigid in her grasp.

“Come on,” Negan hissed, arching his hips upward toward her caress. This felt like another round of torturing him after what happened earlier. “If you want me coming down your throat, you have to do a whole lot better than that.”

Wincing, Negan felt the lips wrapping back around his body and he let out an uncomfortable breath with how rough she was being. Lowering his hand, he placed it over her head over the blankets and lifted his head up. Trying to fix the pace of her movements, Negan found himself frustrated with how much it actually hurt in comparison to felt good, “Listen, I know I said I wanted to come down your throat and you want payback for earlier, but you don’t have to suck the flesh off the damn thing.”

Getting up on his elbows, Negan grunted reaching over to turn on the light that was beside the bed. Flicking it on, he pulled back the sheets and let out a shocked gasp when it revealed that it was Maggie beneath the sheets. Immediately he reached to pull her from his body and pulled himself up on the bed to press his back against the headboard.

“Maggie!” Negan’s voice came out angry with confusion flooding into her green eyes. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Was it that bad?” she was surprised to see Negan reacting that way to her trying to give him a blowjob. Swiftly, Negan tugged his pants back up over his hips and huffed. “I know it’s been a while since I’ve given you a blowjob, but I just thought I would come up here since it’s been a while and I thought we could use some personal time.”

“Rough would be an understatement when it came to the blowjob,” Negan reached down to wrap his fingers around his erection to give it a squeeze. Overwhelmed, he lowered his head and cussed out to himself knowing that he thought it was Y/N sneaking into his room to finish the job that she started earlier. “What were you doing?”

“Well, I was planning on coming in here to get you hard and thought about riding you as a surprise, but then you started talking about wanting to come down my throat,” she reminded him, getting comfortable on her knees and frowning at the way that Negan was acting. “It was probably because it was dark. You know that I like seeing what I’m doing. I can do better.”

“No,” Negan shook his head, scrambling with her hands when she reached for his pants again in attempts to go back to what she was doing. An offended expression flooded Maggie’s features and he immediately shook his head. “Stop it.”

“First you talk about wanting to come down my throat and now you are being prude,” Maggie pointed out with a huff watching Negan folding his arms out in front of his chest. There was still a prominent tent in his pajama pants and she didn’t understand why he was doing this. “Your dick is hard right now and you’re turning me down.”

“Maggie, not to be an asshole, but that wasn’t really the best blowjob you’ve given,” Negan admitted, reaching for a pillow to cover his lap and he shook his head. It irritated him that she was able to give him an erection because if he would have known it was her to begin with, Negan would have never wanted that to happen. “Being truthful, that shit kind of hurt and you’ve never done it like that before.”

“I told you it was because it was dark,” she repeated in a frustrated tone trying to caress over Negan’s thighs. “If my mouth isn’t good enough, just use me. I know it will feel better inside of me,” she crawled in over Negan placing her hands in over his shoulders. “I know you like it there. You always have.”

“What is with the sudden urge to climb my dick?” Negan inquired, his eyebrows furrowing when she tried pulling the pillow from his lap. They were struggling with the pillow and Maggie let out a frustrated huff. “Why do you need it inside of you right now?”

“Why are you fighting this so hard?” she shoved his chest further back against the headboard. A grunt fell from his throat when she managed to pull the pillow away to toss it aside. God, Negan wished he was anywhere but here right now. “You are fucking hard, let’s fix that.”

“I don’t have a condom,” Negan blurt out, his hands swatting at hers when she tried to reach for his pants again. Swatting his hands back had him returning the gesture and soon they looked like ridiculous children. “Enough Maggie!”

“Pull out before you come,” she suggested throwing her hands up and his laugh followed. “Why do you sound like that?”

“How often have you told people that?” Negan frowned, tipping his head to the side. It took her a minute, but then suddenly she seemed offended. “I didn’t…I don’t mean it like that.”

“I’ve been dating you for six months Negan. I’m not some slut that has been sleeping around,” Maggie snapped at him, hitting him in the chest. Wincing out, Negan reached for the pillow again to cover himself back up since she was so eager to get on that part of him. “Even if you did come in me, I’m on the pill you know. I don’t think it’s much of a problem if I wanted you to do that.”

“You want me to come inside of you now?” Negan wondered, his eyebrows arching up when she huffed out. That was never something they had talked about before. They were always pretty careful about things and now she was just throwing caution to the wind. “Why?”

“Why not?” she lowered herself down in over his thighs, bracing her weight on his legs. Still she was caressing at his body and he knew that she was still trying to tempt him into giving her what she wanted.

“Because,” Negan huffed out with a heat flooding his face. This was just getting more awkward the longer that it went on. Dragging his hand down over his face, he wished that this would just end, but Maggie kept going.

“Because why?” she pushed back and he let out a hesitant laugh feeling uneasy about this whole conversation.

“Because you could get pregnant!” Negan reasoned with her, his face scrunching up when he thought about everything.

“And getting pregnant with me would be a bad thing?” Maggie frowned and it made Negan stammer to find words, but he just stared out at her flustered. Well that was new. Never in their time being together did they talk about wanting to have children. In fact, it was her just focusing on wanting to be married that she was stressing most often. “Would getting me pregnant be a bad thing? Is Lucille the only person good enough to have your babies?”

“I am so confused right now,” Negan noticed that she seemed to be overly emotional about the idea of him not having unprotected sex with her. “Do you want my babies? Is that why you came in here? Because you want me to get you pregnant?”

“Not really,” she was honest and it made Negan laugh which only seemed to make her even more furious. But he couldn’t help being amused with this whole thing that was going on. Having her getting mad at him over something she didn’t even want seemed crazy to him.

“Then why are we having this discussion? You know how much I come and I have strong swimmers,” Negan suggested noticing the way she looked down toward his lap. It made him drop his head down before slowly lifting his head up to meet her fierce green eyes. “What?”

“You told me yourself that you hate condoms,” she reminded him and Negan’s face twisted. Sure, that was something he may have said, but he still wore them with her. He knew better. “How often did you wear condoms when you were with Lucille?”

“Never,” Negan replied back with a simple shrug. That was a silly question though. They were married and they had been together most of their lives. “But Lucille was my wife and she wanted to have my babies.”

“I’ve been with you six months, why do you have a hard time with the idea of not wearing condoms with me? We haven’t even had sex in a very long time,” Maggie reminded him with a frown and Negan reached out to caress in over the sides of her shoulders.

“It’s complicated,” Negan muttered, sucking at his bottom lip as she shifted further up over him. “Yeah, I’m not a fan of condoms because it doesn’t feel as good. Have you ever put on a really tight glove? That’s kind of what it feels like. But the good thing about condoms is it desensitizes things a bit and it makes you last longer.”

“You last long enough Negan,” Maggie huffed and Negan groaned out, dropping his head back against the headboard. “We know you can last for quite some time.”

“Not all the time,” Negan countered, lowering his head with his eyebrows bouncing up. “Sometimes I come immediately. I’m a guy. That shit happens.”

“In the time I’ve been with you, I’ve never seen that happen,” she reminded him feeling angrier the more they spoke to one another. Negan frowned and slumped forward while she continued to go off on him. “Sure, we’ve had some shorter experiences, but that’s because they’ve had to be. Sometimes, in my head I’m begging for you to come when I’m giving you a blowjob, my jaw can’t always take it.”

“Fair enough,” Negan stammered, his eyes narrowing and that’s all he said.

“Then just fuck me Negan,” she slid her hands further in over the center of his pants only to have Negan grab a tight hold of her wrists to lift them up.

“Maggie, I appreciate that you want me to give you a creampie, but I’m really not interested right now,” Negan stressed wishing she would just take no for an answer.

“Why not?” she frowned, reaching for the bottom of her shirt to pull it up over her body revealing her bare breasts that were underneath. It had Negan’s face flushing over and he lowered his head. Reaching out, she curled her finger in underneath his jaw forcing him to look at her.

“Sex is messy Maggie. We’re in your father’s home. He already hates me. How am I going to explain that I need to wash my sheets in the morning?” Negan rambled on trying to find every reason in the book to prove why they shouldn’t. Maggie was doing everything possible to get him to sleep with her and he was doing everything he could to avoid it.

“What is going on with you Negan?” Maggie brushed her fingers through his hair, looking down. “You love my breasts and you’re not even reacting.”

“It’s complicated,” Negan stressed when she reached for his face to cup it in her hands.

“It’s not that complicated. You’re hard, I’m wet…” she reached for the pillow to place it beside him on the bed. Crawling in over him had him huffing out when she started rocking her hips over his groin. “If you don’t want to be in control, I’ll take my pants off and I will ride you until you come. Wouldn’t you like that? Being balls deep inside of me? Draining you of your release?”

“Maggie,” Negan hissed, grabbing her hips in attempt to stop her movements over him. “We’re at your family’s home. Your father has threatened me multiple times. My children are right under us…”

“And you were okay with me sucking you dry moments ago,” she prompted him letting out a huff when Negan carefully moved her from over him. Negan stood up from the bed and reached for her shirt to hand it over to her. “Do you not find me beautiful anymore?”

“Of course I find you beautiful Maggie,” Negan shot her a glare, throwing his hand up in the air. Moving over toward another part of the attic, he sat down in a seat and shook his head. “There are just things that have happened, things that I know…”

“What do you know?” Maggie seemed nervous, her green eyes searching his features as if she was trying to read something from him. Getting her shirt back on, Maggie slid back onto Negan’s bed and rest her back against the wall.

“A lot,” Negan exhaled talking about his emotions and more so how he felt toward Y/N.

“How did you find out?” she whispered, her head lowering down and suddenly they both went silent. Tipping his head to the side, Negan bit down on his bottom lip with his thick eyebrows furrowing. “I’m sorry Negan. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“What are we talking about right now?” Negan inquired, his jawline flexing when he noticed the shift in the conversation. “Maggie?”

“I thought…” she lifted her head, pulling herself further to the edge of Negan’s bed. “What are we talking about right now, Negan?”

“That’s what I’m trying to find out,” Negan stressed with another raspy laugh. “You are confusing the fuck outta me with this back and forth. What’s really going on right now?”

Both of them were silent. Standing up from the chair, Negan moved before the bed and snapped his fingers to get her to look up at him, “I think the two of us need to talk.”

“I agree,” she whispered, her green eyes narrowing out at him when she nervously brushed her hair back behind her ear. “I need to talk to you about something. Something important.”

“As do I,” Negan lowered down onto the bed, his thick eyebrows bouncing up when Maggie slid in closer to him. “Do you want to go first?”

“No, not really,” Maggie hesitantly laughed, noticing the way that Negan was staring out at her. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Negan pushed for her to go on only to hear the sound of the door opening at the bottom of the stairs. Slow steps were heard up the stairs and when they got to the top, Negan was met with the glare of Hershel. “Hershel. Hey there.”

“Hey there?” Hershel made his way into the attic, moving over toward the chair that was across from Negan and Maggie who were in the bed together. “What’s the one thing I asked of you Negan?”

“You’ve asked a lot,” Negan looked to Maggie whose face was flushed over with embarrassment. “What are we talking about?”

“I asked for you to stay in your separate rooms,” Hershel reminded Negan who let out an amused laugh and shook his head. “Do you find my rules funny?”

“A little bit. As we’re both adults and she’s far from being underage,” Negan declared with a shake of his head. “I respect your rules Hershel, but Maggie has been my girlfriend for six months.”

“Yes, but what goes on under my roof? Now that’s different,” Hershel snapped at Negan, lifting his finger to point it at Negan. With tension in the air, Negan felt his neck flexing. “How long has Maggie been up here?”

“I don’t know. Like, fifteen minutes,” Negan suggested looking to Maggie for some kind of answer, but she didn’t have something to come back with.

“That’s enough time for something bad to happen. Is it not?” Hershel looked between them and it made Negan snort. An amused rumble fell from Negan’s throat and he rolled his eyes. “Did the two of you have sex under my roof?”

“First of all, I need more than fifteen minutes,” Negan answered Hershel with a shake of his head. Yeah, he was being arrogant right now, but Hershel was pissing him off and he was letting loose. “Even on my worst day, you need time for foreplay. Get things started. You can’t play a game of hide the hotdog without preparing the bun. You know what I mean Hershel?”

“Negan!” Maggie blurt out embarrassed that Negan was saying what he was in front of her father. “What the hell?”

“Oh come on Maggie. This is ridiculous. Sure, if I was really eager, I could fuck you in fifteen minutes, but what the hell does it matter?” Negan inquired hearing Hershel’s breathing getting uneven and angrier the more he listened to Negan go off. “It’s not like the two of us haven’t had sex before. And we both know I’m not the first guy that you slept with.”

“Maggie, why don’t you go to your room?” Hershel stood up from the seat that he was in, pointing toward the stairs. Maggie remained still on Negan’s bed, unsure of her next move. “I asked you to do something young lady, I suggest you listen.”

“No, Maggie. You do what you want,” Negan looked to her, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. “Because no one has the right to tell you what you can and cannot do in life. If you want to go to your bedroom, go. If you want to stay, stay. Because unlike your father, I will not be a man that tells a woman what she can and cannot do in life.”

“Negan, I don’t mind going to my room,” Maggie realized that tensions were growing between Negan and her father. “If it makes my father feel more comfortable…”

“If that’s what you want, I’m not going to force you to stay here,” Negan’s expression softened and he nodded his head. Standing up from the bed, Maggie stopped when she got to the top of the stairs and sighed when she looked back at Negan. “I understand.”

“Daddy. Why don’t you just come down with me,” Maggie held her hand out to Hershel, but his glare was still locked on Negan. “It’s not worth the fight.”

“Go to your room Maggie,” Hershel ordered, his tone angry when he refused to look at her. Negan shot Maggie an amused expression, his head dropping forward when he stroked his fingers over the back of his neck. “We’ll talk about this later.”

“Yeah,” Maggie frowned realizing that things were just going to get worse between Negan and her father. It was two Alpha males butting heads and Negan started something more with her father which wasn’t going to end well. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” both men responded, waiting until Maggie left the room and Negan stood before Hershel waiting for him to say something. When he didn’t Negan looked around the attic and threw his hands up in the air.

“What would you have done if when you came up here I was balls deep inside of your daughter Hershel?” Negan spoke up, making sure to sound cocky and arrogant in the way he was talking to the man before him. “That sure as hell would have been awkward, wouldn’t it have been?”

“Boy, you’ve got a lot of nerve,” Hershel finally spoke, his jaw clenching. That wasn’t exactly the first response that Negan was expecting, but it fit for Hershel Greene. “You come into my house and you be disrespectful of me and my wishes.”

“Me? It was your daughter sneaking into my room Hershel,” Negan threw his hand up in the air showing that they were standing in the attic. “I’m not the one that snuck into your daughter’s room. I am wondering something though, does this rule only apply to Maggie? Because I don’t see you up Glenn’s ass about going into Y/N’s room. Which he did do the other day in front of you. Are you showing favorites again Hershel?”

“You think you’re smart, don’t you?” Hershel questioned, stepping forward toward Negan who stood his ground. Bringing his hand up, Negan pressed his fingers over the center of his chest and made an overdramatic expression.

“I don’t think I’m smart Hershel. I know I’m smart,” Negan corrected Hershel with a shake of his head. “I have done my best to be respectful of you and to keep my head down, but I can’t put up with this shit anymore. Do you know what else I am? I am a better father than you.”

“Oh yeah?” Hershel’s eyebrow arched, his arms folding out in front of his chest when Negan stood before him upset.

“Yeah. Because unlike you, I don’t have favorites. Both of my children know that they are loved because I’m there for them. No matter how much they upset me. No matter how many mistakes they make. My children go to bed at night knowing that I love them,” Negan claimed with a firm nod of his head, his chest aching the further he spoke. Right now Negan just wanted to explode on Hershel. Too many times since being here Hershel had pissed him off and he bit his tongue for way too long. “My son and my daughter both know that the way you treat Y/N is wrong. And you know you’re wrong too, but you keep doing it. Why?”

“My life…it’s none of your business,” Hershel declared with a scoff, stepping in closer to Negan to close the distance. Both of them were getting loud at this point and neither seemed to care. “What I do and do not do with my children has nothing to do with you.”

“Yeah, because you’re doing such a good job Hershel,” Negan snarled, the lines in his forehead growing. “Telling your daughters what they can and cannot do is really something else. You’re teaching them that they have to obey to a man. Do everything a man tells them to or else they are wrong. That’s not something I want my daughter to learn. In this world you need to teach your daughters to stand up for themselves. To know they are equals when it comes to men.”

“I don’t need you lecturing me,” Hershel replied back, moving forward to shove into Negan who found amusement in it. “My daughter doesn’t belong with a man like you. Maggie deserves better.”

“It’s kind of funny to hear you say something like that,” Negan tipped his head from side to side. “I actually agree with you. I do think Maggie belongs with someone else, but then again, that’s not really your business. See, your daughter, she can be with whoever she wants. She can have sex with whoever she wants. Just like you Hersh. So why don’t you stop acting like Maggie is twelve years old and realize that she is a grown woman that is capable of making her own decisions. Maybe put some of that effort into Y/N and make up for the years of abuse you put her through.”

“I did not abuse my daughter. I never laid a hand on her,” Hershel was seething with the things that Negan was saying. “How dare you accuse me of that.”

“Mental abuse is just as bad Hersh,” Negan chastised Hershel with a tip of his head, clicking his tongue at the top of his mouth. “You have done nothing but treat her bad her whole life. You made her hate herself. You made her miserable. And yet here you stand still thinking you are a good father. That beautiful woman with a huge heart believes that she is the problem. That she is some kind of mistake because you got your rocks off with a woman that wasn’t married to you. Maybe to Maggie you’re a good father. Hell, maybe even Beth too. But with Y/N? You dropped the ball and you’re a terrible father. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

“I don’t want you here,” Hershel yelled at Negan who simply smiled and let out a tense breath. “You need to get out of my home.”

“Hersh, I can’t wait to get the fuck out of your home with your ass backward point of views,” Negan pointed his finger at Hershel, his whole body tensing up when they were both screaming at each other. “Because you know what? I love your daughter. With everything that I am. And when I leave this place, I’m going to make sure that she never fucking questions it. I’m going to provide for her everything that she has ever needed or wanted. She’ll never question if she is loved because I’m going to let her know every fucking day that she is loved. That she belongs. That she is perfect just the way she fucking is. And if she wants to do something? She’ll be allowed to because I’m fucking lucky that she is in my life.”

Hershel’s breathing got heavier the more that Negan rambled off, “Because the day that I realized I loved your daughter, everything fucking made sense again. She’s beautiful. She’s smart and she makes me happy. And I will never let her feel the way that you make her feel.”

“Hey,” Annette’s voice was heard when they both turned their heads to see that Annette was standing at the bottom of the stairs with Beau and Y/N who had obviously heard them fighting. “I think it’s time the two of you separate. Now.”

“This is my home and I’m not going anywhere,” Hershel asserted himself only for Annette to start making her way up the stairs.

“Well this is my home too Hershel and you are going to listen to me right now,” Annette demanded of her husband, reaching out to grab a hold of his jawline. “I say that Negan goes to bed and so do you. We will talk in the morning about things, but right now that man’s daughter is sleeping. And his son just witnessed the two of you butting heads. So you are going to get your ass downstairs or I swear Hershel you will see a wrath in me you’ve never seen before.”

The expression over Hershel’s face was shocked when he turned his attention from Negan to Annette. With a nod, Hershel’s body loosened up and he nodded his head, “Yes dear.”

“Thank you,” Annette pointed toward the stairs where Hershel slowly made his way down. Once he reached the bottom both Y/N and Beau stepped aside to let him through. When he left, they both made their way upstairs with Annette standing before Negan. Annette made sure that they were alone before turning to Negan. “I liked everything I just heard from your mouth. You’re doing exactly as I would expect someone who loves my daughter to respond to things. As far as I’m concerned, you have my permission to be with Y/N. You’re exactly the kind of man that she needs in this world. Never change that. Do you understand?”

“Yes ma’am,” Negan nodded his head realizing that they must have heard his rant that he went off on in front of Hershel. “Thank you.”

“Now get some sleep,” Annette stressed, giving Beau’s shoulder a squeeze before pressing a kiss against Y/N’s temple. “We all need it.”

“Wow,” Beau muttered once Annette left and closed the door at the bottom of the stairs behind her. “That was amazing dad. I can’t believe you stood up to him like that.”

Setting the things down that Beau had given her on the chair, Y/N moved across the room to wrap her arms around Negan’s shoulders. Pulling him down, her lips collided with his and Negan picked her up, pulling her in closer to his chest. In that kiss he felt everything he needed to know that he was head over heels in love with Y/N. The passion in the kiss alone let him know that they belonged together. After hearing what Negan said to her father, he could tell that she was filled with so much emotion and he clung tightly to her.

“I love you,” she whispered against his lips pressing her forehead to his when Negan finally let her down to her feet. “So much.”

“I love you too,” Negan slurred hearing Beau clear his throat to remind them that he was there. “I’m sorry son.”

“No, I like seeing this,” Beau explained waving his hand about in the air. “After the night I think we’ve all had, it’s good to see the love that is shared between the two of you,” Beau took a minute to think about things before stepping forward to place his hands over both Negan and Y/N’s shoulder. “I’m going to head to bed. Are the two of you okay?”

“I’m good,” Negan confirmed, but Beau looked to Y/N specifically.

“I’ll be fine,” she promised Beau who stepped forward to give both of them a big hug. “Goodnight you two.”

“Goodnight, buddy,” Negan pressed a kiss against Beau’s temple watching his son make his way down the stairs. Once he was gone, Negan turned his attention to Y/N who looked sad. “Hey, I’m sorry if you heard that I just…”

“What I heard from you was one of the better parts of my night,” Y/N assured him, placing her finger over his lips to silence him. Pressing a kiss against her finger, Negan sighed and pulled her in close to him so that he could cuddle into her. “You are the best thing to happen to me. You know that?”

“I feel the same way about you,” Negan slurred, squeezing her tightly like he would never let go. When Y/N pulled back, she grabbed a hold of his hand and led him toward the bed. Laying down with her, Negan allowed her to crawl in over him and rest her head against the center of his chest. Stroking his fingers over her shoulders, he could sense that something was seriously wrong. “What’s going on?”

“Can we talk about it in the morning?” she begged of him and Negan immediately nodded feeling an ache at the center of his chest. “How did you and my father start fighting anyways?”

“It’s complicated,” Negan was honest, clearing his throat when he cuddled his chin in over the top of her head. “Maggie was in here talking to me and then things got heated between me and your father. Which reminds me…”

“Yeah?” she lifted her head to stare into his hazel eyes. It made Negan feel guilty when he thought about what Maggie had started to do when she came up here.

“Your sister came up here and when she did…” Negan began, noticing the way that her eyes looked miserable. Suddenly he felt like everything that just happened no longer mattered compared to whatever was going on with Y/N right now. “What happened Y/N? I can tell that you aren’t okay. Talk to me.”

“Are you sure you are capable of me talking to you after all the stress you’ve put up with?” she made sure that he was okay and he gave her a small nod, a smirk tugging at his lips when he led her to kiss him.

“I want to be here for you no matter what Y/N. Through everything. You need to know that,” Negan whispered, stroking his fingers over the side of her face. “I don’t care how much stress I’ve gone through in a day. I don’t care how tired I am. I love you and I’m always going to be here for you to talk to. To help you through whatever you are upset about.”

“Your son found something earlier,” she pressed up and away from Negan, pulling herself into a seated position on the bed. Lifting up, Negan moved in beside her and cuddled in closer, wrapping his arm around her while she spoke. “Growing up, my father always made me believe I was a mistake. That my mother was someone that he slept with once. It was a poor judgement call on his end and he never heard anything from her again. That I just showed up on his doorstep after my mother died during childbirth. And that’s why I thought he always hated me. I was the baby he had that he never wanted.”

“Okay?” Negan’s brow arched in curiosity, sliding to the edge of the bed when she went for the book that she had sat down at the other side of the room that Beau had found. Holding it out to Negan, he gave her a strange look and then accepted it. “What is this?”

“It’s something your son found up here hidden in the floorboards,” she explained to Negan pointing toward the area that Beau said he had found it. “Apparently there is money in there too, but he left it.”

“Should have taken the money,” Negan teased her with a wink, but when she didn’t laugh, he realized that this was serious. Running his fingers over the binding of the booklet that she gave him, Negan frowned and lifted it closer to observe it. Reaching for his glasses, he put them on and let out a long sigh. “It looks like someone tried to burn this.”

“I’m guessing it was my father,” she informed Negan, sitting down beside him on the bed when he slowly opened the front cover. “I think he wanted to burn every memory of her, but he couldn’t.”

“What does that…?” Negan’s words came to a halt when he flipped through the pages. Further and further in she noticed the more confused he seemed to get seeing the photos. Lifting his head, Negan looked over her features and then back at her mothers. “I don’t get it.”

“He lied to me,” she pointed toward the photo that Negan stopped on where it was the photo of her mother holding her while Hershel and Maggie were in the photo. “Why would he lie to me about all of that Negan?”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Negan’s nose wrinkled, flipping through the pages again. “I don’t understand.”

“Neither do I. If my dad was genuinely happy when my mother was pregnant with me,” she stopped Negan on the page where Hershel had his hand over her mother’s pregnant belly where he genuinely looked happy. “Why all the lies? Why the abuse? If you look toward the end of the booklet, she was wearing an engagement ring. They were engaged. So why did he treat me like the biggest mistake he ever made if he loved my mother? Why lie to me and create some kind of story to make me feel like he hated me for the one mistake that he made. My mother was still alive Negan. Until I was a toddler. She didn’t die in childbirth. I don’t understand.”

“You need to talk to him,” Negan closed up the booklet and set it on the nightstand that was beside the bed. “Go talk to him now.”

“And say what Negan? Beau found this hidden in your hideaway spot? Why the hell did you treat me the way you did all these years?” she threw her hands up in the air with Negan debating that question.

“Yeah. That’s exactly what you say,” Negan extended his hand out to hers, hooking their fingers together. “You’ve had to put up with this your whole life. I know you’re scared of him, but you shouldn’t have to be. And he should have never treated you the way he did. It was wrong. No parent should ever have the kind of control that man has over all of you. The way he treats you is terrible and it’s time he got called out on his bullshit.”

“I don’t think I have the power to do it tonight,” she confessed with a broken sound. There was pain in her eyes and he hated that. Lifting his hand, he swept his thumb in over her jawline before leaning in to give her a faint kiss. “This is a lot on me Negan. This is the first time I’ve ever seen her photo. I guess it makes sense why he hates me since I look just like her Negan.”

“But he looked happy in those photos,” Negan implied taking a quick glance back at the booklet she had shared with him. “If that was the case and he hated her, those photos wouldn’t exist. The story your father tells is obviously a fucking lie.”

“I don’t understand why someone would do what he has done,” she reached up to wipe at her face when she started crying. It was an uncontrollable thing. Something that she hated and wished wasn’t happening, but it was. “I have felt unloved my whole life. That I was something that was never supposed to happen. An error that the world made. Something that didn’t belong or fit in. And those photos…that shows something different Negan. My father was horrible my whole life. He made me feel terrible about myself. He made me hate who I was. He treated me like I was a mistake, some kind of monster that never belonged in this family. How that man made me feel had me contemplating killing myself when I was younger because I hated myself that much. He separated me from my siblings. Taught them that I was wrong, that there was something wrong with me. And he confirmed his feelings the other night Negan. If I had a family, I would never do that to my children. I would let them know they were loved. I would give them everything. I always thought I was too broken to have children, so I stayed away from it. But I’m not broken. I’m full of love and I know what’s wrong. I would know what I would do with my children because it would be the complete opposite of my father. Beau has showed me through you and everything that he says about his mother what real love is supposed to be like.”

“What are you saying?” Negan breathed out, his fingers curling around the back of her neck frowning to see that she was crying like she was. “I agree with you, your father made the mistake. Not you. You were perfect. You always were.”

“I’m saying that…I think I want a baby. I want a family,” she declared, her eyes gazing over at him when his eyebrows bounced up. Considering the conversation he just had with Maggie, this was something that surprised Negan. “I was scared of a family this whole time, but it’s something that I want. I want to have that family I always dreamt of, but I’m never going to find it here. The only way I will is if I make a family on my own. Where I can be everything with my children that my father never was with me.”

“You want a baby?” Negan thought about her comment and he shrugged his shoulders. In the eyes of some people, he may be an asshole for saying this, but it really hit him deep the further he thought about things. With Maggie, Negan didn’t want that family. But the idea of a family with Y/N? Well that struck something different inside of him. “Then let’s make a baby. You and I.”

“Negan, I just meant in general,” she responded with a sigh, stroking her thumb over the back of Negan’s hand. “You have Beau and Erin. The last thing you need right now is another baby on the way.”

“Why is that the last thing that I need? I love being a dad,” Negan explained, using his free hand to place it in over the center of his chest. “There is nothing more that I love than being a father. You see that I love my children. Nothing is more important to me. So if you want a baby, I’m the best guy to have a baby with. Stop taking your birth control and let’s make a baby.”

“We aren’t even officially together Negan,” she pointed out turning toward Negan when he lifted his hands to cup her face tenderly in them. “I’m still engaged to Glenn.”

“And you’re engaged to me. We are officially together, we just haven’t told everyone else yet. It doesn’t have to be known by others for it to be official,” Negan asserted, tipping his head forward to nuzzle his nose in against hers. “When we get home, I’ll get you a ring, we’ll get married on New Years and we’ll be happy. Our little family. Together. My kids love you. I love you. And I think it’s exactly what you need in your life.”

“Don’t you think it’s us rushing into things if we do that?” she wondered and Negan laughed, shrugging his shoulders when he thought about it. “You’re really okay with having a baby with me?”

“Why not? I know I’m in love with you. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. So why not?” Negan pushed, stroking his thumb down over the side of her face before curling his fingers around her neck. “I love you. I love being a father. So let’s just do it.”

“What if I’m being emotional and this isn’t what I really want?” she breathed out noticing the way that his thick eyebrows bounced up. “Now I’m just talking myself in circles. I know what it is that I want.”

“Then do what you want,” Negan suggested, his hazel eyes watching her closely when she stood up. His lips parted when he saw her reaching for the bottom of her shirt. A long exhale fell from his parted lips when she dropped the material on the ground. Clearing his throat, Negan watched as she unhooked the material of her bra and dropped it next to her shirt. Stepping forward, she reached for Negan’s shirt and tugged it up his long torso. Lifting his arms up for her, he let her pull his shirt from his body and drop it with hers. With heavy eyelids, he watched her closely when she pushed into the material of her pants and got them down her body along with her panties. “You are sure this is what you want?”

“It is,” she stroked her fingers through his thick hair having his dimples become more prominent when he tipped his head back to stare up at her. Pushing at his pajama pants, Negan managed to lift his hips and get the material down his body before kicking out of them while he sat at the edge of the bed. Carefully moving in over him, she adjusted his glasses over his face and hovered her lips in over his. “Are you sure this is what you want though? You did want to come down my throat earlier…”

“But why waste perfectly good baby making sperm?” Negan snorted nuzzling his nose in against hers, his fingers digging into her hips while she dug her fingers into his shoulders. Faintly, her nails bit at his flesh while he stared up at her with all the desire and want in the world. “We want a baby growing inside of your belly, not my sperm just floating around in there.”

“It sounds so bad when you say it like that,” she laughed, burying her head against the side of his neck feeling his palm finding its way between her thighs to caress over her sensitive flesh to get her ready for everything. “Are you sure Beau and Erin would be okay with something like a baby?”

“Beau and Erin just want me happy,” Negan whispered, his lips hovering in over hers when she carefully reached between the two of them to caress her palm in over the warmth of his flesh. Once he was ready, she balanced her hips in over him and took her time bringing them together. Tipping his head back, Negan kept his stare locked with hers when she took her time moving her hips over him. Each movement was slow, dragging things out while he dragged his hands up the length of her back to keep her comfortable. “Being with you and them is what makes me the happiest.”

“I love you,” she whispered, stroking her fingers through the curls of his dark hair at the bottom of his neck and he gave her a big smile.

“And I love you,” he dragged out his words, bringing their lips together in a tender sweep of a kiss. While she took her time rolling her hips over his, it gave him time to touch her. Comfort her. Have them connect in all the right ways while she was over him. “I just want you happy Y/N. I want to bring all the happiness in the world to you that I can.”

“You do,” she promised him, her words vibrating against his lips when her movements grew stronger over him. Bringing his hands to her hips, Negan did his best to help aid in her movements over him burying his nose against the side of her neck while she hooked her arms around his shoulders. “Negan.”

“It kills me that you’ve gone so long without knowing how amazing you really are,” Negan tipped his head back, staring up at her with awe and adoration in his eyes. Their breathing grew labored, his soft moans falling from his parted lips. “You’re better than he will ever be Y/N. You don’t need to prove that to anyone. It’s there in everything you do. I love you. And I will always protect you and be here for you from here on out. Do you understand?”

“I do,” she tugged at his hair, drawing his head to tip back when she started moving harder over him, drawing him deeper and deeper within her with every movement she made. Negan’s face twisted with pleasure, his jaw lowering when he looked down to watch her taking his body repeatedly in fluid movements. “Look at me.”

“Fuck,” Negan hissed out, his body tensing up while she caressed over the planes of his back. “You feel so good.”

Pressing her forehead to his, she added more strength to her downward thrusts and heard his moans filling the air, “You’re not being quiet.”

“I don’t care,” he slurred, his lips finding hers having her purring out against his flesh with the way he was kissing her. Over and over again, she rode him enjoying the way it felt with him inside of her. There was something in the way that Negan looked at her that drove her crazy with desire. “I don’t want to hide us anymore. We shouldn’t have to hide that we love one another. Not from anyone. I love you. And I want the whole world to know it.”

“I want that too,” she whispered, nibbling at his bottom lip when his arm curled around her waist working to move her a certain way over him that had them both breathless. Tossing his head back, Negan bit back on a moan, but it escaped anyways when he felt her nipping at the side of his neck. “Negan.”

“Are you serious about the baby thing?” Negan confirmed with her feeling her fingers dragging across his bottom lip. Taking her finger into his mouth, he sucked faintly at it before pulling his head back. “Is it something you really want?”

“I do,” she admitted, swallowing down hard when Negan pulled her in closer to him drawing himself further into her. It had her back arching, her fingers digging into his skin when he reached back to grab one of his pillows. Setting it at the middle of the bed, Negan stood, lowering her down over the center of the bed. Adjusting her body, he laid her so her hips were laying right over the pillow. Getting comfortable over her, Negan laid his body in over hers. “What is this?”

“You don’t want to hear the science of it while we’re doing this, so just lay back and enjoy,” Negan snickered feeling her arms wrapping around his shoulders to keep him close. Entering her again, Negan rolled his hips, allowing his groin to rub up against her clitoris with every move he made. It had her lifting her head up to meet his lips in attempts to silence her cries. The friction was incredible and he knew that it would be a good position for her while he made love to her. It felt good for both of them. The motions of his hips were slow and rhythmic, taking his time to have things build up for them. There was a constant pressure on her clitoris from the base of his cock rubbing up against it and it had her clinging tightly to him. “Look at me.”

“Negan,” she tried so hard to stay quiet while Negan kept up with his steady movements. It was crazy how sexy she found him still wearing his glasses throughout this whole thing. “You have no idea how much the glasses fucking work for me.”

“I’m glad you like them because I use them all the time, I can’t fucking see,” Negan snickered, lowering down to bring their lips together again in a drawn out, passionate kiss that had both of them panting when they pulled away. The way her body was clinging to his, Negan knew that she was close to an orgasm and he moaned out himself. “Fuck.”

It was easy to embrace the closeness of the position because it kept them connected. They were eager to be with one another and share this personal moment to make it special. The intimacy was something they both lacked in their other relationships so making love like this made them both feel more alive than they had in a very long time.

“Negan,” she brought him to her, hooking her fingers into his hair while he continued with his steady thrusts that had her whimpering into his mouth. Clinging tightly to Negan, she felt a rush flooding into her head and it ached, but in the best of ways. With her warmth contracting and relaxing around him, she could feel his body start to shake over hers. Clinging tightly to him, she heard his moans faint in her ear and they turned somewhat louder when she felt his length throbbing inside of her.

Her name fell from his lips when she felt the warmth of his release filling her. Instead of stopping, he kept up with the movements making sure to continue through his orgasm. It had her clinging to him when he finally laid in over her with both of them tremoring from the moment they just shared together.

“I love you so fucking much,” Negan slurred, pressing a kiss against her jawline while he laid comfortably over her. Adjusting ever so slightly, Negan made sure that he could lay over her without hurting her while he stroked his fingers over the side of her face. “I can’t wait until we leave here and we can be together. We’ll make the family that you always wanted. And you will be loved. So fucking loved.”

“You make me believe that’s all possible,” she whispered stealing a kiss from his perfect lips before getting comfortable beneath him, stroking her fingers at his scalp. “I could say I love you a thousand times and I don’t think it would ever be enough to let you know how much I love you.”

“I love you more,” Negan snickered, rubbing his nose in against hers and it had her laughing.

“I love that you can make me smile even in my worst moments,” she declared, stroking her fingers across his bottom lip. Kissing at the pads of her fingers Negan hummed and nodded his head. She had said this to him earlier, but she really meant it. “That’s one of the best things about you. No matter how bad I feel, you can always make me smile.”

“Good,” he whispered with a weak smile, his tired eyes gazing upon hers. “I hope I can always do that for you because I want to be that light in your life. Forever.”

“You’re serious about getting married on New Years?” she confirmed with him and it made him smile. With a confident nod, he sighed and felt her lifting up to kiss him again. “Really?”

“Really, really,” Negan snickered, peppering loving kisses over her lips. “I know I want to start in the new year with you. So why not do it the way we should and get married? We’ll just do it with us, the kids and someone that we both know. Maybe Simon?”

“Simon?” she repeated with a tip of her head. “He hates me.”

“He won’t when he knows that you’re my wife,” he snorted, nuzzling his nose in against hers again. “Because I’ll knock him on his ass if he gives you shit. Just like I’ve wanted to do since I’ve gotten here with your father.”

“It was really hot seeing you lay into him,” she informed him with a tiny laugh, stroking her fingers down the lengths of his back. “It’s not often that I see people put him in his place.”

“Well, people should be doing it more often,” Negan stated with a half-smile, capturing her lips in another kiss. Moving his hips every so lightly had her whimpering out and she lifted her head.

“We should have sex like that more often. It was really nice. It felt good,” she conceded, her fingers sliding down low enough to squeeze over his small bottom.

“It did,” he agreed with her, nibbling at her bottom lip and giving a sheepish smile. “Plus, this position is better with keeping the sperm inside of you instead of wasting all of it with you on top. You orgasming couldn’t hurt either helping it get to where it needs to go. We keep this up and by next year, we’ll be married and have a baby on the way.”

“It’s scary sounding, yet actually sounds nice,” she suggested palming down in over the side of his face staring upon him with all the love that she could. “With you it feels like I’ve found my perfect storybook ending.”

“You have,” Negan promised, giving her a weak and tired smile. “Come the day after Christmas, I’ll make sure that all your dreams come true. And we will live happily ever after.”

----

Tags: @slutlanna976 @fuckthis-and-fuckthat @jennydehavilland @de-gabyconamor @ibelongtonegan @smallsadjellyfish @labyrinthofheartagrams @msjamesmarch @thebeautysurrounds @hotfornegan @redmercysugar @caprithebunny @tuttifuckinfruitty @emoryhemsworth @a-girl-interupted @akumune @stoneyggirl2 @xsarcasticwriterx @haleygreen23 @xhannahbananax03 @sanctuaryforthelost @burningredaffair @killaweiser @dead-of-niight @ayumi-wolf @hollyismentallyillhelp @promiscuousbarnes @tone-stark @lanadelnegan @flippittygibbitts @stickyhuesos

#Jeffrey Dean Morgan #Negan #Negan fanfiction #negan x reader #The Walking Dead #twd fanfiction #Negan x you #Negan Smut #Negan Smith

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d1xonss · 6 months

Text

Desert Rose

Chapter 20 ~ Stay

✧ Pairing : Daryl Dixon x Rose

✧ Era : Season 2

✧ Word Count : 4.1k

In this chapter ~ After Rose makes her choice to part from the group, Daryl quickly finds out, leaving him in a state of unbelievable shock. But he doesn't let her get very far before he tracks her down through the trees, needing to find the right things to say to her to get her to stay.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* DARYL POV ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After the conversation I had with Rose, I needed to leave and cool off. When I didn't respond, it's not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't want to say something that I would regret later just because I was frustrated. That was the last thing she needed. She was hurting after what happened with Sophia, shit we all were. But my patience was thin right now and I didn't want to take that out on her.

I walked all the way out to the field and sat down on the grass, beginning to pull some pieces out of the ground and started to play with the tiny blades in my fingers. Sitting there silently with my mind running through everything that happened in the past few days. I found myself growing more and more frustrated every time I thought of a sacrifice one of us made for a girl who was already dead. We had all tried so hard, and for what? For it to end up shitty in the end like it always seemed to.

My mind then wandered back to Rose; like it always seemed to as well. Even though everything has been pretty terrible, she was always able to make me smile somehow. I thought back to the small moments we've shared recently and just the thought alone brought another small smile to my face. I had been trying to convince myself that I didn't have feelings for her, hell I've been trying to do that since the beginning. But I did, I liked her. I liked her a lot.

She made me feel different. I had never been with anyone before this, just a few one night stands that I didn't give a shit about. But I had never cared this much about a woman before, ever. The thought crossed my mind, being with Rose, but I didn't want to ruin what we already had. I had managed to build up some kind of friendship with someone that I actually trusted for the first time in my life, and the last thing I wanted was to make the wrong move. Or even worse; push her away somehow.

But my thoughts quickly stopped short once I heard someone call my name from just behind me.

"Daryl!" Maggie's voice called out.

I turned around right as she approached me, with a book held in her hands, "Do you know where Rose went? I wanted to give her this book since she hasn't been liking the one she's reading, but she took off too fast earlier." she finished with a laugh.

I dipped my head in a nod, "I think she's in my tent, I'll go tell her." I replied.

"Great, thanks." she said before turning back on her heel to walk towards the house.

I quickly got up to my feet and started to make my way back to the camp that I had set up a little farther away from everyone. To be completely honest, I don't know why I did it. But I guess a part of me understood Rose's need to be away, because I went and did the same thing without even realizing at the time.

As I finally made it up to the yellow tent, my hand went instinctively to just unzip the entrance, but I stopped myself and shook my head, clearing my throat so she could hear me.

"Rose?" I called out softly, warning her that I was about to come in.

I didn't hear anything, so I slowly unzipped the tent only to find that she wasn't in there. After scanning the small space, I was going to head out to look and see if she was at the house now, but something stopped me in my tracks. I noticed quickly that all of her stuff was missing and there was a note sitting next to my stuff with my name written across the front, a Cherokee rose placed conveniently right next to it. My heart began to sink to the pit of my stomach, but I still sat down and opened the note to see what it said, for all I knew she could be going out for a hunt. But in the back of my mind, I knew that wasn't it.

Daryl,

I wanted to leave you this note because I felt terrible not giving you at least somewhat of an explanation, so here it is. I left.

After what happened to Sophia, something just clicked. I realized how attached I became to this group, and that isn't a very good thing for me. I was on my own for a very long time before this and you know that, it's not easy for me to depend on people or get close to anyone in general but it happened. And I hate to admit it, but it scared me.

I care about all of you so much it hurts, but it's best for everyone if I leave. I don't want to watch anyone else die, I just can't do it, please understand that at least a little. I believe that most of you will make it, but in case I'm wrong...I don't just want to sit and watch like we all did today.

But I don't want you to think that it was easy for me to leave, because it wasn't. It was harder than I will probably ever admit out loud, and it was even harder to leave you. I care about you so much Daryl, you have no idea. But I have to do this, I can't stand back and watch what happened to Sophia potentially happen to you too.

Maybe this isn't goodbye, I'm actually hoping we cross paths again one day.

But until then, see you later Daryl Dixon.

-Love, Rose

I stared at the note with wide eyes, reading the words very carefully over and over again as if they would somehow change. She couldn't leave. In hindsight, maybe I could understand why she would want to but that isn't a good enough reason. Not now. She had turned into such a valuable member of this group and everyone here cares about her so much. I couldn't let her go. She had no idea how much I needed her to stay here.

So, without thinking, I grabbed my crossbow and rushed out of the tent to look for her. It was dark now so she would be harder to track, but I didn't care. I needed to find her. I had no fucking idea what I was going to say to her, but I had to try and convince her to stay somehow. She needed to understand that she didn't have to push people away anymore, at least not me. I would always be here for her, I wasn't planning on leaving her anytime soon, and I wanted her to know that. She needed to know that.

It didn't take very long before her footprints became more prominent in the mud, and I knew she was close by. I only took a few more steps in between the trees before I saw her walking a good distance in front of me, her backpack strapped tightly around her shoulders.

My foot then came down harshly as I purposefully stepped on a branch so she would hear me behind her. She whipped her head around as soon as the sound registered, with one of her knives raised, looking around on high alert. Her eyes scanned all over the trees, but she was unable to see me in the dark as I had apparently hidden myself well. I found myself huffing out a breath before finally stepping closer so she would be able to spot me clearly. Her eyes then landed on me immediately after that, her face dropping as she slowly lowered her knife and sighed to herself.

"What are you doing here?" she asked me.

I scoffed, "What am I doin here?" I asked, "I get a letter from ya, sayin yer just takin off and you didn't expect me to come after ya?"

She looked at me for a long moment, before uttering another word, "I have to leave Daryl, you know that."

"Nah, I don't know that. Make me understand, why do ya have to leave? Why now after everything?" I asked.

"I have to leave because I don't want to watch anyone else die. I can't." she frowned, tears now forming in her eyes.

"But that's a part of life, whether it's the end of the world or not, yer gonna lose people. Yer actually losin them all in one go right now, do ya realize that?" I asked.

She immediately shook her head, "No, that's not the same thing. At least I know you guys are alive."

"Well, what's the point if we're alive or not, if you ain't ever going to see us again anyways?" I asked with edge to my tone.

I didn't want to get upset with her. But she hurt me by leaving, thinking I was just going to shrug it off when in reality, she clearly didn't know a damn thing about how I felt. She just stood there for a few moments in silence, like this had turned into some kind of face off and her move was the next. A part of me was just waiting for her to run, but she didn't. She stayed perfectly still in the same place as her tearful eyes never broke away from mine.

But she eventually sighed to herself with a shake of her head, finding the right words, "I'm sorry I hurt you, I can tell just by the way you're looking at me. But you have to understand I-" her voice cracked, and the tears started to roll down her cheeks, "I can't watch you die too." she finished with a whisper, as if she was terrified to say it out loud.

My face softened almost on instinct hearing her broken voice, and I took a few steps closer to her. I wanted to reach out and wipe her tears away, hell take all her pain away, but I didn't know if that's what she wanted right now. But she didn't back away from me, which I only took as a good sign.

"I ain't gonna die. I don't plan to anytime soon." I assured her.

"Yeah, you don't plan to, but anything could happen. For all we know, anyone could die tomorrow." she stated.

I stared at her for a few seconds before muttering, "Don't."

"Don't what?" she whispered, tears running down her face.

"Don't go." I said softly.

She looked me in the eyes before hanging her head in defeat with a soft breath, and I could tell she was tired and emotionally exhausted after the day we all had. All I wanted was to reach out to her, hold her close as she cried but I obviously hesitated.

But then suddenly for once, I didn't think. I didn't let my mind linger on the "what ifs," I just acted fast before I talked myself out of it.

I gently grabbed her face in my hands so she would look at me, taking my thumbs and wiping away the fresh tears that spilled down her cheeks. She didn't pull away like I thought she would, but only leaned into my touch which made a warmth fill my chest.

"Please," I spoke quietly, "Please just...just stay."

She looked like she was having an inner debate with herself. I knew deep down I couldn't force her to stay if she really wanted to go, but I wanted to try. My mouth opened slightly to say something else, but the potential outcome made me close it again, fearful of the unknown. There was no going back if I were to say the things I truly wanted to say, but maybe those were the things she needed to hear. The things that would get her to stay.

"Stay...for me." I finally spoke.

Her eyes widened slightly, and I was preparing myself for her to pull away from me, but she never did. Instead, she only started to lean closer, which made my heart start beating rapidly, so fast that I thought she would be able to hear it. My mind was on autopilot as I found myself leaning closer too, her hands came up gently as she placed them on my forearms, while mine still held her face. My eyes flickered down at her lips and then back up at her eyes to make sure she was really okay with this, silently asking permission. To my surprise, she nodded her head ever so slightly, and I hesitated for only a moment, before finally closing the space between us.

It was soft and slow, but soon our lips started to move in sync as she leaned in further to kiss me back. I felt electricity flow through my entire body just at the feeling of her soft lips against my own, her hands only pulling me closer. I didn't want to stop, not ever, but I didn't want to push anything either, so I pulled away after a few seconds, resting my forehead on hers with a wide grin on my face.

"I'll stay." she whispered against my lips before kissing me again.

I smiled into the kiss, moving my hands down to her waist, pulling her impossibly closer to me. Her arms wrapped around my neck, starting to tug a little at the hair on the back of my head, the feeling practically ignited my body on fire. At first, I could've sworn that this was a dream, but once I felt her touch, I knew that it wasn't. It couldn't have been.

I had never felt these things for anyone before, but I'm just glad I was feeling these things for her. In the back of my mind, I knew I wouldn't feel this way about anyone else because how could someone be more perfect than her? It wasn't possible. And her saying just those two words to me, made me happier than I ever thought I could be.

She then broke the kiss after a few long moments, with another smile on her face, "I didn't think you felt the same way." she breathed.

I gazed down at her and only chuckled quietly, "Woman, you have no idea." I spoke, causing her to smile bashfully as I pecked her lips once more before saying, "C'mon, let's head back."

She nodded her head and pulled away from me, slowly grabbing a hold of my hand and intertwining our fingers together. As we walked back, we started talking like normal to fill the silence, teasing each other a little bit about whenever we would get nervous around each other before. And I was pretty sure I had never been happier.

When we started to see the house coming into view, I suddenly stopped as I saw the group standing around the house, pulling her to stop with me. She looked at me confused and I only hesitated for a moment, not fully sure how to say what I wanted to say. I didn't want to hurt her, but I didn't know if I was comfortable telling the others about our relationship yet. Wait, were we in a relationship? I had no idea, but all I knew is that I wanted to take things slow, to make sure I didn't mess anything up.

"What's wrong?" she asked me in a soft voice, brushing her thumb against the back of my hand.

I shook my head quickly, "Nothin, it's just..." I trailed off, not looking at her.

I then felt her give my hand a gentle squeeze, causing my eyes to look back down towards her, "Talk to me." she said.

I sighed, "I dunno how to say this. I don't wanna hurt ya or anythin."

She smiled sweetly, "Daryl, you're not going to hurt me, just say it."

I sighed again and nodded to myself, "Okay, uh... I wanna take this slow, and um... I dunno if m' comfortable with showing off... whatever this is."

To my surprise she let out a small laugh, shaking her head lightly, "That's it? Daryl, it's okay. If I'm being honest, I don't really know if I want to show off well...whatever this is to the group either."

I let out a breath of relief and squeezed her hand. She then let go after a few seconds, "I'm just going to go put my backpack in the tent and I'll meet up with you, okay?"

I nodded my head and watched her smile at me once more, before turning around fully to walk off. My eyes lingered on her figure for longer than they needed to, but I couldn't seem to look away even if I tried. Though once she was finally emerged into the darkness, I began to slowly make my way over towards the others. I couldn't believe any of that just happened, wanting to convince myself that I was still dreaming somehow, but oh it very real.

As I got closer to the group, I saw most of them standing outside the house arguing with each other. I stood off in the back, not saying anything as I listened and watched everything go down. Apparently, the guys weren't back with Hershel yet and Lori had gone after them, crashing a car and almost getting herself killed in the process. I thought that was a stupid move but I still didn't say anything as my arms crossed over my chest.

"Hey, what's going on?" I heard Rose ask, her figure coming up to stand next to me.

I couldn't help but smile down at her when she walked over, watching as her brows furrowed more with confusion as she listened. I kept my eyes on her while she got filled in on everything that had happened since we were gone, before suddenly feeling someone staring right at me. My eyes glanced over to see Dale looking at me somewhat knowingly, with a smug expression. I just glared back at him, and he raised his hands in surrender, but still didn't wipe that stupid smile off his face.

"Look, I had to get you back here, okay?" I heard Shane snap at Lori, "I will go look for them, I will go after them. We just have to make sure you're okay, alright? Gotta make sure the baby's okay." he suddenly spilled.

My eyes got wide when he said that, looking over at Rose who didn't look the least bit surprised as she too heard the news. She made eye contact with me and just shrugged her shoulders, showing me that she already somehow knew about it.

"You're having a baby?" Carl asked her in shock.

Lori didn't say anything, utterly speechless, but Andrea quickly stepped in "Let's get you checked out, okay?" she said softly as she led the woman into the house.

Almost all of them made their way inside after them, clearly wanting to know more, but Maggie surprisingly hung back. Her eyes panning over to Rose as she looked over at the two of us expectantly, her eyes full of suspicion.

"Where have you been?" she asked worriedly.

"Oh, I was... just out hunting." Rose replied quickly.

"In the dark?" Maggie questioned.

She nodded slowly, "Yeah, I just needed some quiet." she said simply.

"Oh, okay so where's the meat?" Maggie asked as her eyebrows pulled together.

Rose stood there for a second dumbfounded, "I didn't catch anything, kind of a waste of time." she finally said.

Maggie glanced over to me and then back to Rose before I heard a small "mhm" from her. I felt my cheeks get hot as her gaze was intense on us, but she didn't say anything else as she turned to head into the house as well. Once she was finally out of earshot, I then looked over at Rose with my eyebrows raised, seeing a nervous smile make its way onto her face.

"You went huntin? That's the best ya got?" I asked playfully.

She scoffed and rolled her eyes, "Whatever. Would you rather me say, "Oh sorry Maggie, I was trying to leave the group and then Daryl came, we made out, and then I decided to stay," is that better?" she asked with a hand on her hip.

I smirked at her, "Nah."

"Yeah, that's what I thought." she muttered before turning around and starting to make her way back towards the tent for the night. I had almost forgotten how late it got, but I soon followed close behind her, feeling the tiredness slowly taking over.

Once we both got inside, the two of us separated onto either side of the space, getting on top of the sleeping bags for the night. I laid down on my back with a groan, staring up at the ceiling momentarily before I subtly glanced over at her again. She too was laying down on her back, her eyelids falling more heavily with exhaustion, but she still could not have looked more beautiful.

My mind thought about moving over and wrapping my arm across her shoulders to sleep, but I made no effort to move. Apart of me was still fearful, even after the both of us confessing the feelings we felt for one another, that she would still move away to have her own space.

A quiet sigh left my lips as I debated back and forth in my head, but apparently it wasn't as quiet as I thought as her head turned towards me in question.

"What?" she whispered quietly in the dead of night.

I shook my head, "Nothin." I muttered as I glanced back up at the ceiling, avoiding her eyes, "Yer just...a little far away, that's all."

My eyes stayed firmly in place as I tried my best not to look back over at her, the fear of rejection still creeping up the back of my neck it felt like. But then I suddenly heard her let out a small laugh, before there was some shuffling like she was scooting closer to me. I then felt her presence only inches away from me now, her head falling on my chest gently as a smile was brought to my face at her actions.

"Is this better?" she asked sarcastically.

I hummed a response as I nodded, not that she would be able to see, before resting my chin on the top of her head. I held her tightly to me as I rested my eyes, content with the contact though I was nervous I wouldn't be. It was a nerve-racking thing for me to admit out loud, but I hadn't felt such a gentle touch before hers, and I was nervous I wouldn't be comfortable with it because of the past. Yet somehow with her, it was different. Almost as if I craved it.

But my eyes popped back open as a thought entered my mind, not wanting to breeze over the fact that Shane announced something worth talking about for more than five minutes.

"So, ya knew Lori was pregnant?" I asked out of the blue, glancing down at her now.

"Mhm." she hummed as she moved to look me in the eye, "Glenn told me the same time he told me about the walkers in the barn."

The second our eyes locked, I became very aware of how close our faces were now and I tried to swallow whatever nerves I still had. Not being used to something like this. Though she noticed quickly and had a smirk on her face before leaning up and placing a gentle kiss on my nose. I felt my heart leap in my chest, and she laughed quietly to herself at how red my face probably was.

I tried to recover quickly, clearing my throat a little before asking, "Well, do ya have any more secrets I should know bout?"

She thought about it for a second before a small smile returned to her face, "I like you. Have I told you that?"

Another familiar warmth filled my chest as I watched her eyes sparkle, "Yeah." I muttered, "I think you mighta mentioned it." I smirked before leaning in, placing another kiss on her lips.

She hummed in content, kissing me back for a few seconds before pulling away and resting her head on my chest again, closing her eyes. Before I knew it, her breathing had changed and I knew she was asleep within merely minutes. But I just sat there thinking, no longer as tired as I was before.

Today was a shitshow, but also a pretty great one too. I thought to myself, if I didn't have Rose with me right now, I didn't know how well I would be handling the loss of Sophia. But she somehow helped keep me keep my head attached to my shoulders, and that's exactly what I needed. Just her.

~ Thanks for reading!

(They’re finally together ahhhh)

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vidavalor · 1 day

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Hi I'm curious who do you think Jim let in the shop in Ep 2? He says 3 people were in there and then Crowley disappears but we never find out where he went. I read your thoughts on The Book of Life being fake so I know you don't think that Az has it and someone was trying to steal it. Who do you think Jim let in?! It's driving me nuts. 🤣🤣🤣

Hi there. 💕 Help yourself to some chocolate cookies. My theory on this is a little out there but I actually think it fits pretty well. You can let me know what you think. 😊

What might who was in the bookshop & to where Crowley disappeared in 2.02 have to do with this Maggie & Nina moment?

What trio of people being in the shop while Crowley & Aziraphale were in The Dirty Donkey would be a problem that could send Crowley rushing down the street after them when he realized what Jim was saying... but then also result in Crowley not being especially concerned in the moment about the fact that he couldn't locate them?

Who would be a problem early in S2 that could wait to be dealt with until S3? Whose story kind of needed to be set up through Gabriel in 2.02 but for a payoff way, far down the line-- all the way into the next season?

If you look at it as characters trying to get into the shop, you quickly realize that all of the characters in the present in S2 are trying to do just that for most of the rest of the season, right? So, if three of them working together already could... the rest of the season's story doesn't hold up very well. It has to be a separate plot from the present events in S2, so...

...what if Jim didn't let three people in? He never actually said he did...

What if he actually let three beings out...

Don't ask me how this might come to be but all I can think is that Jim is so literal that he would have said if he let these people in and he didn't-- he just said three people were in the shop...

If that's the case? There's only one trio of characters who make sense to me: it's (somehow) Greta, Glozier & Harmony.

They couldn't show us what happened in the present in 2.02 during S2 because that would spoil what happens in 1941, Part 3 in S3. Somehow, as a result of whatever other plot happens, The Nazi Zombie Flesheaters-- now, likely ghosts-- have been trapped in part of the bookshop since 1941.

Jimbriel's a fallen angel and the first person other than Crowley & Aziraphale to spend any real time in the bookshop basically ever. If he's able to be possessed-- as he is during S2 at times-- I'd imagine it's not beyond the realm of possibility that he can see dead people. When Crowley & Aziraphale go to the pub, Jim is in some room looking for more books for his project and the Nazi Zombies Ghosts are shocked to realize that he can see them. Jimbriel mistakes them for customers who were locked in the shop after Aziraphale left and grants their wish to allow them to leave. He sees them out the front door.

A few minutes later, while Aziraphale is flashing us back to the Job minisode, Jim saying twice that "just now" there were three people in the shop hits Crowley and he rushes upstairs to wake him up and get more information, as he's panicked thinking that angels or demons were in the shop. Jim explains that he didn't let anyone in since they told him not to-- the three were just already there. Two men and a woman and yeah, she had a fabulous hat and, yeah, they were covered in ash and blood, come to think of it...

Crowley finds out which way they went and apparates out of the shop after them, prompting Jim to refer to this to Aziraphale by saying that Crowley "went away", as opposed to "left" or "went out", which he probably would have used if Crowley had left on foot. Crowley searched around down the street near Mrs. Cheng's a bit and didn't find them. He figured, well... they're ghosts. How much harm can they really do and don't we have enough other problems going on right now? Probably not that big a deal. Would be nice to sleep without worrying that Greta is going to get out of the attic and try to make the gramophone play Wagner at 2am again...

Might not be a big problem in S2 but the whole prophecy of ...and the dead shall leave their graves and walk the Earth once more... would mean that could change in S3. It would only work if they had already been let of the shop in S2 and Gabriel's the only one who could unknowingly make that happen.

From a writing standpoint? Undead Nazis roaming the streets in the 2020s as symbolic of the fascist creep in this era-- and how it's never very far away-- is good stuff.

If there's somethin' strange... in your neighborhood...

...who you gonna call?

Ghost! Busters!

#good omens #good omens meta #ineffable husbands #crowley #jimbriel #the archangel fucking gabriel #nazi zombie flesheaters #good omens speculation #good omens theory

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notafunkiller · 2 years

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My honest opinion about Karen Page

I am genuinely curious how people can like Karen Page as a character and even ship her with Matt, because I don’t think I’ve disliked a character so much probably ever. Karen Page got on my nerves fast and, as I watched more episodes, it got even worse.

About her

For someone who is supposed to be smart (and the definition of good), she is very stupid. The way she thinks and chooses to act makes no sense 99% of the time. She is more of a bad character than a good one. Even her “sense of justice” is flawed, with many double standards (a subject I will touch on especially when I’ll describe her relations with Matt Murdock and Frank Castle). She is arrogant, troublesome, and headstrong, she calls herself and is considered a journalist despite her lack of real experience (law experience too!!! -> so why is she now included in the firm name? SINCE WHEN IS SHE A LAWYER? I could not believe it!)

She is written in a very annoying way and flat. She is a flat character in the first place (=two-dimensional in doesn’t change throughout the work), kept around for 3 seasons (+The Defenders) for no other reason than the fact she is problematic. But she isn’t necessarily needed for creating drama if we had more villain(s) scenes and plans. She is boring and whiny, and she has a pick-me attitude most of the time. She is not just impulsive, but also extremely FOOLISH (the way she decides to go to Fisk and spill out in his face she killed Wesley... I was like: seriously?) And the writers make other characters praise her... I still find is shocking Matt only said she was brave for what she did. She is VERY judgmental and noisy and thinks the world revolves around her (The fact that when she came to Matt in S2 and found Stick and a very visibly hurt Elektra in his bed, she did not ask a goddamn thing like what happened? instead everything was about her and how she is betrayed. But like another man was in the room, you think he cheated on you with him there? Absolutely ridiculous.) But she loves to play the victim a lot, so I am not surprised.

I don’t know how the writers thought a pretty, angelic face can make the audience (and the characters) ignore her lack of development (zero) and the horrible things she does/provokes. She caused deaths and yet the writers still make others find excuses for her and not blame her.

NewsFlash: SHE IS DARK AND SHE LOVES DARKNESS. I am not even talking about a side, she is completely into PURE DARKNESS with only 1% of light.

When out of the blue, she decided to murder James Wesley despite him only threatening her, it was like ??? And she did not shoot him one time, she did it 7 times. SEVEN. And she did not even try to be cautious (locking the firm door was a joke, right? Cause I refuse to believe writers consider the audience so stupid) and caused another death: Ben, a real journalist she dragged around with her despite him wanting a way out. Fisk killed him with his own hands and Ben didn’t tell him Karen (who is the one who came up with the idea) also visited his mother. We don’t see justice, we only see her being treated as a victim again. And she didn’t even actually help to get Fisk in prison in S1 and in S2 she is a babysitter (Foggy and Matt’s) and a murderer defender (*pretending to be shocked*). S3? I was surprised by how much screen time she had (+A WHOLE EPISODE ABOUT HER)... sometimes more than Matt and it made me so unhappy because this screen time could have been used to build more. For me, the second half of S3 is not even centered on Matt.

And she caused the death of another character, a pivotal person in Matt’s life: Father Lantom and we don’t talk enough about this. I am also not surprised Maggie and her get along, they are both two selfish, horrible people who think a few tears are enough to be excused.

The writers tried to make her relevant, but they failed. The way she was basically forced down my throat made me see her flaws even more. She is not even a character than has enough traits to be a part of the main team. In S1, the contrast between her and Claire was huge (and Claire was just a supportive character). And it’s funny how they changed the love interests - direction. At first, we saw Foggy and her bonding, Ms. Cardenas hinted about them being romantically involved, but then they literally ignored that and started to focus on Karen with Matt, then Karen and Frank (still unfinished business), and a little more on Karen and Matt again, but the show on Netflix got canceled. To be honest, the last thing I wanted and want is to see Matt and Karen together.

Not gonna lie, I expected and wanted her death at the church because she is literally pointless, but it didn’t come. It would have been a surprise if they actually did it as in the comics. It would have impacted Matt and Foggy, and Matt’s decision not to kill Fisk at the end of the season would have been even more powerful and meaningful.

One of her defining features is hypocrisy. Matt is the bad guy for keeping secrets from her, but her hiding and lying, for example not telling him and Foggy about Wesley is okay. Matt being Daredevil and not killing people is not fine, but Frank being The Punisher (a freaking cold blood murderer) is more than fine. She was so happy when Matt defended him in court... it’s insane! She can be a bad friend, a liar, etc because she is special. It was hilarious when she started to give advice to Matt about how you change after ending someone's life. Shocking! And poor her, how she isn’t the same after her brother died because of her. See how she positions herself as the victim again?

It’s also very interesting how at first she tells matt (S3) she came to warn him Fisk knows about him, leaving out the part she basically told Wilson that he is Daredevil, and only later she plays semi-victim again and says she is to blame, and, OF COURSE, Matt says Fisk already knew (which is actually pretty false: he assumed, but it was never 100% confirmed) and comforts her basically. It’s absolutely infuriating how Karen messes up every freaking time and everyone goes: oh, poor you, you’re an angel, it’s okay, it’s not your fault. I am even more disappointed how the writers didn’t make Matt even have a proper reaction to her admitting she killed someone. S2 and S3 feel like two completely different writing approaches, and even though the plot in S2 made me think: IS THIS A JOKE?, Matt and the characters building speaking, it was soooo much better (not the love triangle thing though, because both: Elektra and Karen don’t deserve Matt and are horrible in two different ways).

She is a manipulative, self-centered, and dramatic person. We saw her past (drug addiction too) and how easily she can make the decision to kill someone, but she never actually faces real consequences. Her father kept it underground and Matt still protected her from Fisk.

Karen around Matt Murdock/Daredevil and Frank Castle/The Punisher

Matt and Karen not only don’t have chemistry (Charlie and Deborah have plenty of chemistry with other people), but they also don’t match at all no matter how much the fans and the writers push(ed) the idea.

Karen does not want Matt Murdock (she liked the idea of him at some point, but not the real him), and she certainly doesn’t want Daredevil, which is quite funny (Remember when she was obsessed with the idea of him, but when she found out it’s Matt, she wasn’t interested any longer?). Should I even talk about the way she wanted Matt to stop being Daredevil and not even for a second tried to support or/and understand him? SHE didn’t want him to be Daredevil so he should stop. Even when Foggy brought him the suit in The Defenders, she was annoyed. She doesn’t understand that her boss/friend/almost-boyfriend has two sides, just like Elektra tried to have only one side of him. Matt isn’t just Matt. I really loved the She-Hulk posters for Matt: Charlie Cox is Matt Murdock & Matt Murdock is Daredevil. Do you see? It’s such an important thing. Daredevil/Matt isn’t dark enough for her. He isn’t what she wants.

And Karen doesn’t have the same moral code as Matt does (even when he thought about killing Fisk to protect the people close to him). They don’t see the world in a similar way and they never will. I don’t think Matt and Karen would have ever lasted even if Elektra wasn’t around, they are too different. She is dark, like Elektra. She wanted to change him, like Elektra. She doesn’t accept him as a whole, like Elektra. But, at least, Elektra accepted how toxic and bad she is for him. Karen is portrayed as a victim and a great, great person, as I said.

S2 had this scene in episode 7 that made it clear to me that Karen and Matt could and MUST never be together. I don’t even know if I have to explain, the dialogue is quite clear:

youtube

Not only Karen stood up for Frank Castle (who almost got her killed, killed so many people, and should be in jail), but she also compared his actions to Daredevil’s actions. She justifies murder probably because she did it too. Matt and Karen are in opposite positions and the message is loud: they could never be together. Not killing people is the fundamental principle Daredevil/Matt has, the one that makes him who he is actually. Things would be completely different if he actually took someone’s life (bad or not) for lawyer Matt and Daredevil.

For Matt: Vengeance isn’t justice and no person is God so he can decide who lives and who dies. In She-Hulk: Attorney At Law (1x08), Matt tells Jennifer: I think you’re in a unique position to do some real good. Jen Walters can use the law to help people when society fails them. She-Hulk can help people when the law fails them; which reminds me of his talk with Foggy in S1 when he finds out Matt is Daredevil:

youtube

It shows his views didn’t change and it’s quite moving to see Matt giving someone else (someone in the same position as he is) this piece of advice. It shows he finally accepted he has two sides, despite everyone else’s attempts to control him.

Their date in S2 started as quite a disaster: in a place Matt despites, awkward, and tensed, and then Elektra called! It was clear what the writers wanted to show (despite them having a better date later) and it was also clear Matt wasn’t 100% healed and that Karen and Matt were never going to be serious. So no matter how much they tries in the seconds part of S3 to push Karen and Matt closer, it looked forced, out of the place. Especially since she felt something for Frank Castle and the things that happened in the first part of the season.

Also, I can’t believe the writers made Matt reveal his face to Agent Nadeem cause he saved Karen’s life. This is infuriating.

And as much as Matt probably likes the idea of peaceful life, he would never be happy with Karen, nor make her happy. Because there will always be that Murdock side of him she will never understand just like it will always be the killer side of her he would never understand.

Matt: You deserve better, Karen… Karen: So do you... (The Defenders, 1x05)

Frank, on the other hand, and her match. Crazy, right? But they did from day 1, even in the worst situations. She always felt drawn to him and she did not use the innocent facade as she did with Matt (Can you believe she kind of blamed him for not telling him the truth about Wesley cause he saw her as an innocent person?). She was there for him, he was there for her. They were attracted to each other (despite him still being emotionally unavailable because he is scared he’d lose her). She would rather be with him than with Matt 100% because they are similar. She had the nerve to defend his actions and mindset in Matt’s house after all. But they really match and I really believe she should be with him and live somewhere far away from Hell’s Kitchen.

Frank: I need to find these b*stards that took 'em from me. I gotta kill 'em. Karen: So where does that end, Frank? Because I look at you and... my heart breaks because all I can see is just this endless, echoing loneliness. Frank: I'm not lonely, Karen. Karen: Bullsh*t. We are all lonely. I sometimes think that that is all that life is, we're just... We're just fighting not to be alone. Frank: So what do you want? What should I do? Should I let it go? Karen: No, but I want there to be an after. For you. (The Punisher, 1x05)

In conclusion, Karen Page is not a good character despite the writers’ efforts to show otherwise. She puts everyone in danger and never pays for her mistakes and actions.

P.S. I will say this again: no, she did not deserve to be next to Nelson and Murdock: Attorneys At Law.

#my opinion #daredevil #karen page #frank castle #matt murdock #foggy nelson

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sublimecatgalaxy · 2 years

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Friends with benefits situation and Daryl accidentally got Reader pregnant (oopsie!). One time she overheard his conversation with someone so she confronted him saying: why do you feel the need to specify we're just friends?

And yes, feel free to do angst.

Love love love love love. I didn't do so much angst because I couldn't imagine a situation where he genuinely meant it in a confrontational or mean manner so I hope this is okay :) Plus it's really late and I'm so tired.

Everyone citizen in Hilltop knows the reason why I'm so moody and swollen and that it's due to the man who stops by our settlement every other week just to check in on me. They've watched my belly grow over the last few months, my legs beginning to waddle as I make my way to the farm every day to salvage any of the usable crops, barely being able to bend over without the supervision of someone else there with me.

I think that, at first, every assumed that I had a husband or a partner, especially with how confident I've felt about my pregnancy this whole time. But over time, people watched Daryl and I interact and realized that he was indeed the daddy and their gazes switched at some point from something resembling pleasant shock to naive judgment.

I can see the wandering eyes, especially from Maggie and Jesus, as Daryl and I greet each other awkwardly at the gate every time that he stops by, sharing a weird and uncomfortable side hug. It's weird to answer questions about the baby and our future especially when there was never an intended future between us. We were having fun- a bit too much fun- and now we're stuck with something that'll bond us together forever.

It's not the worst idea of a life for me, but to him? To him it's probably comparable to prison.

We've been friends since his old group found me at the quarry, broken and scared as can be. He was strong and protective, something and someone that I found comfort in and he found the same in me. We didn't actually start sleeping with each other till we settled in Alexandria and realized how much more we could actually find in one another. It was more than sex- it was comfort and passion in an otherwise pretty cold and unforgiving world.

"W-Well who is she to you? She takes up a lot of time and energy with our doctor, barely pulls her weight-" Gregory starts but I hear Daryl grunt under his breath and the hair on my neck sticks up, my eyes fluttering shut to hear their words through the wooden door.

"She ain't n0thing special to me- a friend." My heart drops, my eyes opening as my whole body droops in disappointment, my frown deepening as I continue to listen. "That's all. If you need the man power, I'm willin' to help out. Jus' stop giving her trouble." There's still a sense of protectiveness in his voice, regardless of the friend zone that he just put me in, and in fills me with the same sense of comfort, knowing that he'll always have my back when I need it.

Suddenly, the door creaks open and I trip into it, sending me into the room and down onto my knees in front of the two men. I look up at them, winded, with a bashful smile, trying to think of a way to get me out of this without telling the two of them that I was eavesdropping.

But there's no getting out of it, especially when Gregory just scoffs and Daryl's head tips back with a small smirk on his lips. He knows full well that I would never just let two men decide my fate in where I live and what I do, especially if it's revolving around a pregnancy that I could've done nothing to control.

"I was eavesdropping but only because I hate men talking about me behind my back." I force myself to my feet, holding the underside of my belly as neither men make any move to help me to my feet. I frown at the both of them, watching Gregory just fall back into his seat with a small sigh.

"I'll talk with Maggie and Jesus. Maybe they can shift your skills elsewhere, somewhere other than the garden." Gregory mutters before waving Daryl and I off, silently shooing us out of his office. I watch Daryl hesitantly as we step out of the office and into the privacy of the hall and I don't waste a moment before speaking my mind.

"Why do you feel the need to specify we're just friends?" I ask with a small pout and his back stiffens visually at the comment, his hand reaching up to run his fingers through his hair, my eyes following his every move.

"Gregory ain't gotta know our business. Doesn't matter what he thinks." He shrugs simple, taking a step closer to me as my chin tilts to gaze up at him through my lashes, still, a disappointed frown on my lips.

"Are we just friends?" I ask nervously, swaying on my swollen feet as Daryl laughs a bit under his breath, hair falling in his eyes as he shakes his head.

"You havin' my kid, aren't you?" He asks and I nod, my hands still soothing over my aching stomach, catching the way his eyes flutter down to look at my hands. "Then how 'bout you answer that question." He whispers, voice comfortingly low as he reaches out, his fingers brushing against mine.

"I'd say we're more than friends." I chuckle, thinking back to all the times that we've passed the line of typical friends and how quickly we've slipped back into just being and acting like friends for the sake of those around us.

"Then we're more than friends." He shrugs simply, as if I just clarified our whole relationship in one simple sentence, defining our relationship as 'more than friends' which would be obvious to anyone paying the slightest bit of attention to the two of us. "Don't know where you got the idea that I've got any say or any opinions about this." He laughs, reaching out to pat my stomach gently before pressing a gentle kiss to my temple as he makes his way past me. "You're in charge."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Taglist: @bubblebuttwade @rafelover2405 @leslienjazzy @sorceresss @grxnde-dwt @alex–awesome–22 @bunnietoof @niyamar1e @serialghost @plantlungs @geniusohn @akaliltimmytim @lilaalouuxx @xshariex @elliotsbeigeguitar @elle4404 @lelieja @srhxpci @joselyn001 @taysirene @spinkspanther @thedivineuphoria @peter-maximoffs @tsukishimawhore @poohkie90 @szlaco @distantsighs @nstyles4299 @wolflover384 @givemefoodandlovesstuff @vane28282 @yeswhatever33 @amirrahfranson @vvaalleennttiinna @f-mu @yaspillz @jeyramarie @skylievin@abbybarnes17 @jointherebellion215 @visiondaddy @steezysimfinds @its-ya-gay-boi-luigi

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#daryl #daryl x reader #daryl dixon #daryl dixon x reader #the walking dead #the walking dead fic

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fortheloveofwonderland · 1 year

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Darkness Declares Glory | Chapter 11 | S.R

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A/N - this fic deals with some very dark themes such as drug use, self-harm and suicidal ideation. Please proceed with caution and Minors DNI. There is a reader insert but it is very Spencer-centric.

Chapter Summary - Spencer has a good day and an even better night when a mysterious visitor reminds him how to have some fun.

Pairing - Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader

Category - dark angst | smut | eventual happy ending.

Warnings - self-harm scars, Spencer info dumping, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, swearing, oral (m receiving), masturbation (male), therapy, talk of prison, talk of beatings, mentions of an almost sexual assault.

WC - 5.8k

Chapter 11 - Modern Loneliness

The following day was, as far as they go, a pretty good one for Spencer.

Doctor Sanderson checked on his healing wounds and decided to remove the dressings to allow them to further heal. He removed the stitches in Spencer’s right arm as well and although the bandages protected him, his skin finally felt as though it could breathe again. Even if he did immediately cover himself back up with a sweater.

In his physical therapy session, Nick deemed his progress to be good enough for him to move to just one walking aid instead of two. It was much less cumbersome to walk with one stick, allowing him to move more freely and for him to not feel quite so bumbling.

He finally got into the little salon and had his overgrown facial hair shaved off and his hair trimmed.

By the time dinner came, Spencer actually felt pretty good. He felt like he was making progress. He ate alone like he did most days as he still wasn’t keen on the idea of making friends here. Maggie tried to encourage him to but Spencer still had his walls firmly up.

After dinner he had group therapy and then he joined in one of the arts and crafts sessions. He wrote in his journal until his meds made him too sleepy to keep his eyes open any longer and he only just managed to drag himself to his bed before he fell asleep.

***

He awoke with a start and could instantly tell it was the middle of the night as his room was still shrouded in darkness. But the silhouette of a body sitting at the end of his bed was as clear as day. He blinked a few times as he shuffled up the pillows and rubbed his eyes with his palms.

“Oh good, you’re awake.” The voice was laced with mild amusement and even though he couldn’t see the face it belonged to, he knew that voice anywhere.

“Am I?” He scoffed. “I’m pretty sure if you’re here I can’t be.”

You shuffled on the bed a little before getting up and moving towards the door where you switched the light on suddenly. Spencer groaned and shielded his eyes against the onslaught on his retinas.

“What do you mean?”

He heard you move closer and after a few moments to adjust he looked at you properly. Your face wasn’t blurry or melted like it had been in his dreams. He could see every little detail of your beauty much like he had in the courtyard that day. But that could only mean his dreams were toying with him.

“Don’t worry.” He shook his head, swinging his legs over the bed.

He was shocked by the pain that spread through his leg as he stood up. He never felt pain in his dreams. His brain was really messing with him tonight. He took a few shaky steps towards his stick and balanced himself on it.

“You want to have some fun?” You had a wry smile on your face and slight hint of mischief dancing in your eyes.

And being that Spencer was convinced this must be a dream, he didn’t question it.

“Sure.” He shrugged, motioning for you to lead the way.

You skipped a little in excitement as you headed towards the door. You thought the handsome man would have more concerns about how you’d gotten into his room and why you were there in the first place. But you weren’t going to argue it. You’d already established he was a little eccentric by the way he’d accosted you in the courtyard the other day.

He followed you from the room and down the corridor, hobbling a little on his cane.

“Stay close to the walls, if the security cameras pick us up we’ll be done for.” You whispered as he followed.

Spencer frowned to himself. Why was his subconscious thinking of things like that? This was shaping up to be a strange dream. Nonetheless he did as you said and continued to trail behind you as you traversed the dark halls. You were both quiet as you walked, the only sound from soft footsteps and Spencer’s cane.

He had no idea where you were going but you seemed to have a plan and he would follow you to the ends of the earth. You took him to a part of the building he hadn’t been before and knowing the insanity of his subconscious you could very well be leading him to the gates of hell.

He watched you make quick work picking a lock on a door with what appeared to be two paper clips. When you stood back up you gave him a playful smile before letting you both in the room.

“Where are we?” He asked as you closed the door quietly behind you.

He squinted to try and see in the dark room, illuminated only by the soft moonlight rolling in through the windows.

“You struck me as the literary type.” You motioned for him to follow again towards the large windows at the back of the room.

His eyes started to adjust and he could make out shelves upon shelves piled high with books. Of course his brain would conjure a library, they were one of his most favourite places.

“You know I love to read.” He said as he accompanied you to the corner by the window.

You frowned briefly as you ran your fingers along some cracked spines.

“You never did tell me your name.” You mused out loud and kept moving while he blindly traveled after you.

“Angel, don’t play dumb.” He picked up a book and opened it in his free hand.

It was too dark to be able to see the words on the pages but he could feel the weathered paper beneath his fingertips. You turned to him and he could barely make out the curious expression on your face. You leant back against a shelf and eyed him up.

“I told you, if we met while I was high I don’t remember. I don’t remember much from those days. You’ll have to jog my memory.”

Spencer snapped the book closed and placed it back on a shelf before hobbling closer to you. His subliminal mind was often a strange place to be, but this seemed odder than usual. But he’d go with it, there was no point in second guessing himself.

“Ok, I’ll play along.” He shrugged. “Spencer. Spencer Reid.”

“Hmm doesn’t ring a bell.”

Spencer rolled his eyes.

“Sure.” He wasn’t going to get into an argument in his own unconscious mind. “So why did you bring me here?”

“I felt bad for how rude I was the other day. You caught me off guard. I have terrible anxiety and you approaching me the way you did, got my back up.”

“I’m sorry.” He shrugged.

You shrugged too and were suddenly pushing past him.

“Do you like swimming, Spencer Reid?”

“Swimming?” He spun as fast as he could to watch where you were going.

“Yes, you know, large body of water. Moving your limbs to stay afloat.”

He started after you back towards the door.

“Why not.” He clambered after you back out into the corridor.

He followed you down some more corridors and observed as yet again you expertly picked a lock. This was far more detailed than any dream he’d had for some time.

The swimming pool was illuminated by the moon and it looked glorious, as though it was calling to him. The water was completely still and it transfixed him, drawing him closer. He imagined the water caressing him, lapping around him and washing over his skin. He couldn’t think of anything better at that moment than getting in that pool.

Until he finally tore his eyes away from it to see you standing by the side, stripping out of your clothes. As your skin was unsheathed from your jeans and sweater, it became bathed in starlight, and Spencer was instantly hypnotised.

He’d known your body so well it may as well have been an extension of his own, but now clad only in a pair of panties and a bra he was taken aback by your blemished skin. The scars that riddled your arms from wrists to biceps were not something Spencer remembered. And he had enough of his own to know they were self-inflicted.

You didn’t shy away when you saw Spencer’s eyes wandering your scarred arms. You wore them like badges of honour, they were signs you’d made it through the worst life had to throw at you and you were still alive. You weren’t ashamed of that.

“I’ve shown you mine, your turn.” You smirked at him, raising a challenging eyebrow.

Normally Spencer wouldn’t undress in front of someone unless he was high enough to banish his insecurities. But still convinced this was a dream, he didn’t care. Usually in his dreams his scars didn’t exist anyway. But when he dropped his cane to the tiled floor and pulled his sweater and t-shirt over his head in one swift move he was surprised to find his wounds still littering his skin.

Dreams never made sense, it didn’t matter.

He dumped the clothes on the floor and wriggled his pants down his legs but leaving on his boxers, and kicked them off his feet revealing his busted up legs. Your eyes trailed from his face, slowly down his body, taking in every inch of him, every single one of his scars. When they landed back on his face, you were smiling.

“Ready for a dip?” You didn’t wait for his response before you strolled to the shallow end and gracefully stepped down the large concrete steps into the cool water.

“I don’t know if I can swim with my leg.” Spencer limped closer to the edge.

“That’s ok.” You turned back to him from the top step. “Let me help you.”

You reached your hands out for him to aid him in the pool. Usually in his dreams your skin was cold but this time when he took hold of your hands he was momentarily startled by how hot your flesh was.

You helped him step down off the ledge and the water was deliciously warm as his toes sunk into it. His leg throbbed a little as he put weight on it but it was bearable. He waded with you down three more steps, water rising slowly up his legs and hips and eventually reaching his waist.

He sat down on the step so the water climbed to his chest and he revelled in the way he felt instantly cleansed. You stood in front of him, running your fingers through the water and creating small ripples on the surface.

Even in his dreams he was always floored by your beauty even when he couldn’t see you clearly. You made him anxious even in his sleeping state which didn’t make sense to Spencer, but dreams didn’t make sense he supposed.

“Did you know that some bacteria is resistant to chlorine?” Spencer mused out loud. “It’s added to pool water to kill germs that can cause illness if ingested but it takes time to work. It can eliminate most germs within minutes but some such as Cryptosporidium can live in pools for days.”

You narrowed your eyes on him in curiosity but you didn’t reply. So Spencer continued.

“In twenty twelve a report from the Water Quality and Health Council found that seventy percent of people don’t take a shower before going in the pool which only adds to the number of germs.”

Again you simply stared at him in confusion and all Spencer could do was keep talking.

“They also found that three quarters of Americans incorrectly believe that the strong chemical smell in public pools is a sign there is too much chlorine in the water, when actually it’s the opposite. The strong chemical smell means there’s not enough chlorine in the water. When chlorine combines with urine, faeces, sweat and dirt from peoples bodies, it produces irritants called chloramines which give off the chemical odour.”

Once more he was met with confused silence and he chewed his lip awkwardly.

“Sorry, I ramble when I’m nervous.”

“Why are you nervous?” You finally spoke.

That was a good question. Why was he nervous? It was only a dream after all.

“I don’t know.” He admitted. “Because of our history I suppose.”

“I still don’t know what you mean.” You waded a little closer to him.

Right, it’s a dream. Apparently this version of you doesn’t remember our past.

Not wanting to waste precious sleep explaining it, he decided on a different tact.

“I think I knew you in a different life. I think I loved you in another life. But things between us got messed up and I guess I’m scared of that happening again.” He shrugged as you continued to get closer.

You moved so you were standing between his thighs and he could feel your wet skin against his and it set his heart ablaze.

“How did things get messed up?” You humoured him.

“It was me. I ruined everything.”

Your lip turned up at the corner in a small smile and you ran your nail lightly down the side of his face.

“Well, don’t do it again.”

He raised one hand out of the water and cupped the back of your neck, tugging you closer to him. You allowed him to pull you close, until your noses were almost touching.

You could feel his soft breath as it fanned across your face.

“Don’t do it.” You whispered.

“Do what?”

“Kiss me. Don’t do it.”

“Why not?” He kept hold of your neck, making sure you couldn’t go anywhere.

“My main focus has to be my recovery right now. And if you kiss me it’ll be all I can think about. If you kiss me, I will be bound to you.” You confessed.

“It’s just a dream though right?” Spencer’s eyes danced with amusement.

“You still think you’re dreaming, huh?”

“Am I not?”

You wiggled free from his hold and stepped back a little.

You reached for your left wrist and dragged a purple and gold braided bracelet over your hand. You took hold of Spencer’s hand and fixed the bracelet around his own wrist.

“If you’re still wearing that when you ‘wake up’ I guess you’ll have your answer.”

Spencer turned the bracelet around his wrist while he watched you wade away and start gracefully swimming around the pool.

The two of you stayed like this for a little while, Spencer hypnotised by the way you moved so elegantly while he simply watched. After a time, you swam back to him and declared it was time to go before you got caught out of your rooms.

You both redressed despite being soaking wet and he followed you back to his room. Outside his room you gently placed your hand on his shoulder.

“This was the most fun I’ve had since I got here.” You told him quietly before getting on your tiptoes and placing a featherlight kiss on his cheek.

“Me too.” He agreed.

“Goodnight, Spencer Reid.”

“Goodnight Y/N.” He stepped back inside his room and he heard you fiddling with the lock for a moment before it clicked.

Through the window on the door you shot him a smile before you disappeared into the darkness. He limped to his bed and leant the cane against the nightstand as he slipped back beneath the covers.

As his eyes fluttered closed, his fingers toyed with the bracelet around his wrist. There was no way tonight could have been anything other than a dream. And he was sure tomorrow the bracelet would be long gone, just like you.

***

You were waiting for him on his bed again only this time he couldn’t see your face properly. You told him you wanted to go on an adventure.

You clicked your fingers and suddenly you weren’t in his room anymore but back in the library. It was much lighter than he remembered but your face was still out of focus.

You leant against the bookshelf and motioned him closer to you. He could move a lot more freely without his cane and the pain in his leg.

“Well what are you waiting for?” You giggled as he stood in front of you.

“What do you mean?”

“Aren’t you going to kiss me?”

“I thought you said not to?” He frowned slightly.

“Why would I ever say that?” You wrapped your arms around his neck, drawing him into you.

Once again your skin was as cold as ice.

Not wanting to overthink it and miss his opportunity, he cupped your blurry face in his hands and crashed his lips against yours. You moaned against him, parting your lips enough for him to plunge his tongue inside. You tasted of the bitter remains of cocaine.

You wrapped your arms tighter around his neck as the kiss deepened. He was already growing hard and you could feel it as he grinded against you, causing you to moan again.

As his hands started to wander from your face down to your arms he suddenly felt wet. He broke the kiss and opened his eyes and he was back in the pool, sitting on the same step he had been earlier. Only this time you were both completely naked and you were straddling his lap.

“What’s wrong?” You sensed his confusion.

“Nothing.” He shook it off, gripping your hips to lift you a little so he could line you up with his hard cock.

“I love you, Spencer.” You giggled as he pressed against your entrance.

“I love you more, Angel.” He pushed inside of you, slowly filling you up.

Your eyes closed and a moan erupted from your lungs as he bottomed out inside of you. He kept hold of your hips while you started to move up and down, water lapping around your waist with your movements. Water caressed your breasts and he was mesmerised by the way they bounced in front of his eyes.

He tugged you in for a kiss while you continued to ride him, bouncing on his cock like it was your fucking job. Every time you clenched around him, he moaned against your lips. Fucking you was the best damn drug in the whole world. If he could do this for the rest of his life, he’d never need to get high again.

“Fuck, you feel so good.” He panted into your mouth, rocking his hips slightly.

“Not half as good as you feel, baby.” You mumbled in reply.

He already felt close. It had been so long since he’d had the chance to be with you and he’d almost forgotten how incredible it felt to have you sheathed around him. He closed his eyes and gave over to the feeling entirely. It was a whole other high than he got from dilaudid or cocaine.

Suddenly he felt his back against cool sheets and the feeling of the water that had been lapping around him vanished. He opened his eyes and he was back in his room, laying on his back in the bed. And his was cock sheathed inside your mouth as you bobbed up and down on him.

He reached for your hair and tangled his finger in the locks. You glanced up at him through your lashes as you ran your tongue along the vein on the underside of his shaft.

“Fuck Y/N, I’m close.” He squirmed a little, feeling his orgasm bubbling in his chest.

When he came it was utterly euphoric and he moaned so loudly the walls practically shook. You swallowed every drop of his arousal and kept your mouth around him until he was completely spent. You sat back on your haunches, your hazy face looking down on him.

“Stay with me?” He panted as he reached for you but for some reason he couldn’t.

“You know I can’t.” You whispered as your image started to fade away. “I’m barely even a ghost of a memory anymore.”

He tried to reach for you again but once more he couldn’t get to you. And soon you had completely faded away until nothingness.

***

Without having the conscious thought to do so, Spencer found his hand wrapped around his hard cock before his eyes even opened. He stroked himself into consciousness, his toes curling beneath the sheet.

“Fuck. Y/N, fuck.” He mumbled to himself as he picked up his pace, picturing your wet, heaving breasts above him. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!”

He was already coming before he was properly awake and he coated his hand and the sheet in his sticky load. He was panting heavily as he opened his eyes, pulling his hand out from under the sheets.

But it wasn’t the come slicked on his hand that caught his attention.

It was the purple and gold braided bracelet adorned on his wrist that piqued his curiosity.

He twirled it around his wrist, slightly disjointed from the combination of just waking up and his orgasm. But he was awake and the bracelet remained on his wrist which only heightened his bemusement.

And as he heard the familiar sound of the nurse wheeling the trolley of the meds down the corridor, he could have sworn his clothes were damp too.

***

“Tell me about prison.” Maggie narrowed her eyes on Spencer to gauge his reaction.

He had an excellent poker face, that much she’d learnt very early on. Of course she knew his years working for the FBI had primed him for that. As expected his expression didn’t change. He barely even glanced up from where he was focused on a purple and gold bracelet he kept fiddling with.

“We’re done with the segways huh?” He clucked. “Just diving right in with that one.”

“We’ve spent a lot of time talking about your life prior to prison. But prison is the route cause of your relapse so we need to talk about it sooner rather than later.” Maggie gave him one of her encouraging smiles he’d grown used to.

He squinted at her a little, struggling to see the resemblance to Tara he’d been so sure of until now. He was sure they’d had the same eyes but now he couldn’t see it. Her hair which he was certain had been similar to Tara’s wavy bob was large and curly and down to her chest. Even her tone sounded less like Tara than it had up until now.

He shook it off, letting go of the bracelet he’d been playing with since waking up and finding it this morning and drew his hands up into his sleeves.

“I spent three months in a federal facility for a murder I didn’t commit. I was framed by a hitwoman, Cat Adam’s, who I arrested the year before.” He stated the facts, like usual.

He still wasn’t any good at speaking about his emotions. Maybe he never would be.

“That must have been terrifying. You’ve spent almost your entire adult life on one side of the law only to find yourself on the other side of it. I can’t imagine what that was like.”

She said that a lot. I can’t imagine what that was like. Reading between the lines it meant she wanted Spencer to tell her exactly what it was like.

“It was hard but I survived.” He shrugged.

“Barely.” She rolled her eyes. “Tell me about what you went through inside.”

Spencer clenched and unclenched his jaw. He drew his left leg up to his chest and wrapped his arms around it. His right leg was still too sore to bend in such a way.

“I had to pretend I wasn’t a fed because I would have been killed for it. Pretending not to be an FBI Agent when it’s the only thing I’ve ever known was hard.” He mused, picking at an errant thread on his slacks.

“More specific please, Spencer.”

That was something else she said a lot.

“I was beaten a lot.” He admitted, not looking up from his stare off with the thread. “At first anyway. I used to get beaten. Really badly sometimes.”

“Just beaten?” The tone in her voice was enough for Spencer to look up at her. He knew exactly what she was getting at.

“I wasn’t raped in prison.” He rolled his eyes and then he added, “I almost was.”

“Can you elaborate?”

Spencer’s eyes fell back to the extremely interesting piece of thread he was still toying with.

“Not really.” He shrugged like it was no big deal. “They tried. Stripped me of my clothes and then Shaw stopped them.”

“Shaw?”

“Calvin Shaw. He was another fed. Only people knew he was a fed and he got respect for it because he killed his CI. He walked in and told them to stop.”

“What do you think would have happened if he hadn’t?”

Again Spencer glanced up at her, a frown on his face.

“They would have raped me.” He deadpanned.

“You say that like you’re not talking about yourself. Like you’re just reading it from a case file.” Maggie jotted down a few notes but she didn’t take her eyes off Spencer.

“It’s easier that way.” He shrugged again, finally getting the thread free and rolling it between his fingers. “I guess that’s how I deal with things.”

“Ignoring them?”

“Yeah.”

“And by taking drugs and hurting yourself?”

“Yes.”

“What was it about prison that pushed you to relapse? By all accounts you’ve been through a lot of trauma. Why was that what pushed you over the edge?”

Spencer never wanted to use more since being sober than he did right now. This line of questioning was making him think too much about his time inside and it was thinking too much about it that had led him back to drugs.

“It was one trauma too many. I push things down and ignore them until I can’t take it anymore. Prison was the straw that broke the camel's back. I couldn’t take anymore. And drugs were the only thing I could think that would help take my mind off of everything.” He dropped his foot back to the floor and sat back on the couch.

“I’m really going to need you to tell me more about what happened in prison.” Maggie set her pen down.

“Well I don’t want to talk about that.” Spencer shrugged once more.

“What do you want to talk about?”

The answer to that was simple. The only thing Spencer wanted to talk about was the only thing that had been on his mind all day.

You.

All he’d thought about through breakfast, group therapy, free time and lunch was the happenings of the previous night. The entire thing had felt like a dream but of course it couldn’t have been; he had the proof around his wrist. It stood to reason everything up until he got back to his room and closed his eyes was real and everything after was a dream.

But how could that be?

If last night had really happened then that meant you were a patient here. And if you were a patient here you certainly weren’t his former DC Field Agent girlfriend.

So what did that mean?

He’d tried looking for you during meal times and his free times between therapy but you were nowhere to be found. He knew there were a lot of patients at PIW and he wasn’t likely to cross paths with all of them on any given day, logically he knew that anyway.

But the more he considered it, the more Spencer was convinced he’d made you up entirely. Not only weren’t you his ex-girlfriend, you also weren’t a patient here. You were a complete figment of a brain destroyed by drugs.

But the bracelet…

“Spencer?” Maggie snapped him out of his thoughts just as his hand wormed its way up his sleeve to play with the threaded band around his wrist.

“Hmm?”

“What do you want to talk about?” She repeated.

“How can you tell if you’re hallucinating?” He surprised them both with his words.

“Do you think you’re hallucinating?” She raised an eyebrow at him.

“I’m not sure if hallucinating is the right word. I’m struggling, I suppose, to tell the difference between reality and fantasy.” His fingers danced along the woven band as he spoke, grounding him in a way.

“Given the amount of time you were using narcotics and now you’re detoxing combined with being on methadone and Zoloft I think it’s understandable that that line could become blurred.” She nodded.

“I don’t want to take methadone anymore.” He decided right at that moment. “My pain is a lot more manageable and I need to try and clear my head.”

Maggie was almost impressed. It wasn’t often a drug addict asked to be on less medication.

“You’re sure?” Maggie questioned, not wanting him to end up in unnecessary pain.

“No.” Spencer sighed. “If I’m being honest I still want to be on as many drugs as humanly possible.”

“That’s to be expected. It’s only been a couple of weeks.”

“There’s a lot I still don’t remember, a lot of pieces I can’t put into place. I don’t want to be sober still, but I need to be. If only to figure out what I’m missing.” He confessed and honestly it was one of the hardest things he’d admitted so far.

“You know it’s going to take time. Regardless of the medication you’re on or not on. You were using drugs for a long time and it’s going to take a while for your body to completely flush them and for you to start seeing more clearly. I don’t want you to try and rush things.”

“My brain has never failed me like this before. I hate it. I hate not knowing things.” He pulled his hands out of his sleeves and rubbed his eyes with his palms.

“We can look at lowering your dosage but I think after everything you’ve put your body through you need to keep taking the methadone a little longer. I think you’ll be surprised how much pain you’ll be in without it.”

“Fine.” Spencer didn’t have the energy to fight her. “Is there a library here?”

***

After their session ended and Spencer had some free time he located the library he’d asked Maggie about. It looked different in daylight but it was clear it was the same place you’d brought him when he thought he was dreaming.

He traversed the aisles of books, running his fingers along some of them, picking others up and glancing at them before putting them down. There were some literature books, but mostly they were of the self-help variety which made sense. Spencer found he wasn’t particularly interested in reading any of them, which was strange in itself.

When he reached the far corner of the library he spotted a figure sitting on the floor, back against the wall and legs folded underneath their body with a book open in their lap.

He cautiously hobbled over with the aid of his cane. You glanced up from your book and gave him a soft smile before closing the cover.

“Hello, Spencer Reid.”

“Hi Y/N.”

You pushed yourself up to your feet as you knew Spencer would find it hard to get down to the floor with his injury and tucked the book under your arm. He was looking at you curiously, clearly wanting to speak but not being able to find the words.

You stepped forward and cautiously reached for his wrist, keeping eye contact with him so you could see if he wanted you to stop. He didn’t show any signs of wanting that so you gently rolled up the sleeve of his sweater to display the woven bracelet underneath.

“I told you it wasn’t a dream.”

“I’m still not so sure I’m convinced.” He gripped his cane tightly, feeling slightly overwhelmed by your skin touching his.

“I’m not sure how else I can convince you.” You let go of his wrist and took a step backwards.

“How did you get into my room?”

“Stole some paper clips from my therapist's office. I’ve always been good at picking locks.” You shrugged.

“And how do you know where the cameras are?”

“I’ve been here for nearly four months. It was one of the first things I scoped out.” Again you shrugged.

“I’m scared you’re not real and this will all come crumbling down again.” He shook his head, signing wearily.

“I understand.” You leant back against the shelves. “But I don’t know how to prove to you that I am.”

“Neither do I.” He admitted. “Do you ever feel like you’re just completely bat shit crazy and you’re the only one who doesn’t realise?”

“All the time.” You laughed a little. “Unfortunately that’s the paranoia that comes with heavy drug use.”

“Yeah.” He sighed again. “Which makes me even crazier that I’d still go out and get high right this second if I could.”

“That makes two of us.” You confessed.

“At least I’m not the only one.”

You turned to him, a slight sparkle in your eyes.

“Will you read to me? You have a really calming voice.” You pulled the book out from under your arm and proffered it to him.

“Of course.” He smiled, taking the book from your hand.

He glanced down at the cover and his chest constricted a little as he looked at the very familiar book in his hand.

The Narrative of John Smith by Arthur Conan Doyle.

“Something wrong?” You clearly noticed the frown spread across his features.

“No.” He shook his head looking back at you. “Nothings wrong.”

“Can you get on the floor?”

“As long as you help me back up and don’t leave me there.”

“Promise.” You smiled.

You took his hand and it was warm and Spencer had never felt comfort like it. You helped him sit on the floor and he stretched his legs out in front of him. Before he had a chance to open the book, you laid on your back and rested your head in his lap.

Spencer closed his eyes briefly as a million emotions washed over him. He opened them again and focused on the book in his hands and opened it to the first page. He started to read the words out loud and his voice wrapped you in a blanket of tranquillity.

At some point while he read, his hand wandered of its own accord and his fingers threaded into your hair. You hummed at the feeling and nuzzled into his lap.

It had been such a long time since Spencer felt peace like this. And he never wanted it to end.

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buckyownsmylife · 2 years

Text

Crash & Burn - Chapter 1

The one where Bucky is your father best friend, and the man you want to take your virginity.

Bucky is losing everything: his wife, his business, his house. And when his best friend is too busy to offer him the support he needs, you offer him your ear and shoulder. He wouldn't find it too bad that getting closer to you made him see you with new eyes, if it wasn't for the one thing you asked in return: you want him to be the first man to ever fuck you.

For general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“Bucky’s coming over tonight.” Those words were welcomed with a nod from me, right before I left for my classes. Living with my father after I’d already graduated wasn’t what I had planned for my life, but if I wanted to succeed as a university professor I needed to get a lot more degrees then my friends had pursued and it was just cheaper to stay at home then to add rent to the already overwhelming pile of student debt I’d have to face eventually.

So I wasn’t surprised when I got home that evening and he was there. James Barnes. The bane of my existence.

“Hey, sweetheart.” He smiled when he saw me, but it didn’t reach his eyes. It made me frown. Bucky was nothing short of the most charming man on the planet - it was the reason why it was so hard for me to be around him. I’d harbored a crush on the guy for as long as I could remember, but of course, it was nothing more than a silly, childhood crush, kept alive by my realization that my father’s best friend was actually incredibly hot.

But he was also twenty years my senior. And married. So I knew nothing would ever come out of it and tried to swallow down as much of the awkwardness that this lust entailed as possible.

“Hey, Buck!” Dropping my bag by the door, I made my way towards him, taking notice of his hunched shoulders and how his eyes had fallen to the glass of scotch he played with on his hand.

I had a hunch it wasn’t his first one.

“What’s going on?” It took him a while to answer. It almost seemed like he’d forgotten I was even there, and when the silence stretched for too long he snapped his head up, startled.

“Oh, your father had to help Maggie, her car broke down in the middle of the road,” he explained, as if that wasn’t the routine we did every single time he came around. “He should be back any minute now.”

My father’s new girlfriend was adorable, if not slightly lost without him. She’d taken over his entire life ever since the relationship started, but not in an overwhelming, suffocating way.

After my mother’s death, it took so long for my father to decide to get back on the dating world again, it was very clear taking care of someone new - someone who cared for him just as much - was exactly what he needed. Which is why I was used to him and Maggie spending every moment together, and Bucky and I both knew there was a good chance he wouldn’t come back home that evening.

Taking a seat next to him, I grasped his wrist, silently asking him to focus on me. He wasn’t surprised by my touch - we’d always been comfortable with each other - and so I took advantage of that to rub circles against his pulse.

“Okay,” I acknowledged in a soft voice. “And what’s going on with you?” He exhaled heavily at my question. I could see he wasn’t expecting it, wasn’t expecting me to care. But I did. Of course I did.

“I’m getting a divorce.” My eyes widened, the surprise impossible for me to hide. I was about to apologize for my shock when he ran a hand through his hair and kept going, “It’s not that it ended, I think it’s pretty obvious I didn’t care much for being married.”

Once again, my body failed me, my snort escaping me before I was able to swallow it down. “Oh my God!” My hands flew up to cover my mouth. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude-”

But Bucky was already laughing, shaking his head as the corners of his eyes crinkled in amusement. “I like that you’re so honest.” That had me biting my lower lip, avoiding his eyes as embarrassment got the best of me, but a smile made its way to my face anyway.

He couldn’t really blame me, though. If there was one thing anyone who spent time with Bucky knew, it’s that he wasn’t completely sold on the idea of being married. He barely spoke of his wife and for all the time I’d known him - almost all of my life - I think I saw the woman… What? Once?

Yeah, once. I’d even asked him about it one time.

*“Why are you married, Bucky?” The question fell from my lips as I witnessed him having the time of his life, dancing at yet another wedding we’d attended together and he had attended solo.

He sighed before finally answering me. “My father wanted me to,” he explained. “It was one of the conditions he had for me to inherit his company. And I was… You have to understand this, I was a different man back then.” He lowered his head, shaking it as if he felt ashamed of his past. “I didn’t think I was good enough to do anything. Hell, I *knew I wasn’t capable of doing anything by my own.”

His voice was thick as he admonished himself. “I thought taking care of his business was the only thing I could do and I wasn’t about to screw it up for something as silly as a contract. Because that’s all there is to it in the end, isn’t it?” He chuckled, a bitter, sad sound. “Marriage is a contract between two partners who expect to get *something out of it. And that’s all.”*

I still remembered that day so clearly. He went on to explain that his father had been the one to choose the woman he should marry. Bucky had actually gone on a few dates with the girl before the wedding, but it was very clearly something done for the sake of making the relationship as easily digestible to high society as possible - neither of them intended to pull out, too excited about their own prospects after the marriage. Bucky, with his father’s company, her, with all of the money she’d be able to enjoy once she became Mrs. Barnes.

Bucky’s P.O.V.

“If you’re not sad about the divorce, then why do you look like a kicked puppy dog?” She asked, leaning closer to me and raising my head with her knuckle so I would meet her eyes. It was hard not to smile at how adorable she was, her eagerness to help me quite obvious and heartwarming, given the situation I was in.

“It’s the reason for it that’s killing me,” I admitted, sighing. “I- I made a risky move and the company’s going down because of it.” My voice faltered, so I tried to clear my throat, taking up the opportunity to rub my eyes with the palms of my hands.

This felt good, despite everything. Talking to her about it took the weight off my shoulders, and I knew it would be a bit weird to someone from the outside. She was so young, almost half my age, not to mention my best friend’s daughter.

But if there was anything I’d learn about her these last few years, it was that she was incredibly mature for her age: wise beyond her ears, and an incredible listener. Even after the most tiring days at work, whenever I came over to her father’s house to watch a game or just distract myself before I was forced to go to that cold home I called my own, she never failed to cheer me up.

So was it wrong that I’d started to see her more like a friend than just a kid? I really couldn’t feel guilty about it, especially with him being so absent as of lately. Ever since he started dating this new chick, it was like he was never home, and never available to drink a beer or do anything, really.

And I got it. Of course, I got it. His kid might be back from college, but she’d been independent and grown-up long enough for him to finally start dating again, and it was more than time for him to take advantage of it.

It just brought me more awareness of my own loneliness.

“Okay,” she got my attention again by placing her hand over my wrist, gently clasping it. “Walk me through what happened.” And so I told her everything. How I had decided that now that I’d achieved some success by keeping my father’s company on its feet, I thought it was time to venture into something new, something I could be proud of. But it had turned out to be a dumb, terrible move.

“I grew too confident in myself,” I sighed. “I forgot I have absolutely no knowledge of the business world. I screwed up. And now I may lose everything.” I forced myself to look her in the eye, only to find her perfectly poised, patiently waiting for me to reach the end of my story.

“Including her,” I finished, knowing she didn’t understand what the business failure had to do with my divorce until now. Understanding made her eyes grow wide, her mouth falling open as I shrugged.

“Like I said, I don’t necessarily care about the marriage - or about her, actually. It’s just that her announcement felt like a confirmation.” And that’s when I averted my gaze, unable to watch if her emotions would mirror the ones I was expecting to find - the ones I was nurturing towards myself.

“I’m a failure. And now that I might have no money, no one will want to be around me anymore.” It was silent for a little while, until she disturbed my self-loathing with the most unexpected of sentences.

“Now, that’s just stupid.” Shock had my mouth falling open, head snapping up to see her. “C’mon, you’re one of the most intelligent men I’ve ever met. And, you know… you’re not exactly bad on the eyes. In fact, I think you could have a modeling career if you truly decide to give up on this business thing.”

I frowned, confused about where she was going with this, even though her recognition of my physical attractiveness did feel weirdly good. I knew I wasn’t awful by any standard, but to know that in my late thirties I was still considered interesting by someone in their twenties…

It did help with my bruised ego. At least the tiniest bit.

“But more importantly…” She caught my attention yet again, shaking my arm a little. “You know we’re here for you. Dad and I. We’ll always be.” And that’s when I understood what she meant, a smile slowly growing in my face, mirroring the one she offered me, as gratitude flooded my chest.

“Well, perhaps me more than him… He’s been awfully busy with Maggie, I’m sure you know that,” she added as an afterthought, shaking her head. “Doesn’t matter, you got me. Now, do you want a hug?”

I was once again taken by surprise. I knew she was perceptive - she’d always been intelligent - but I’d only recently had the pleasure of being on the receiving end of her wise-beyond-her-years advice and comforting hugs.

It’s funny to think that the best friend I’d ever had was someone who had only been born for half of my life.

“Yes, please.” The grin that she opened up had no reason to be as adorable as it was, but I couldn’t complain about it. She threw herself on me and I huffed at the impact, laughing at how easily she could make me forget about my own terrible thoughts with just a little bit of empathy.

I lost track of time as we held each other. Rubbing her back, I inhaled deeply to calm myself down because the smell of her shampoo weirdly helped me. I would have felt creepier about it if she didn’t have her own face buried against my neck, her breath tickling me every time she sighed.

“So, would you like to eat something?” She asked once we parted, and I had to rub my hands on my jeans because they were sweaty for reasons beyond my comprehension. My heart was beating faster and I would have thought I was about to have an anxiety attack if I didn’t feel so calm.

“Oh, no,” I rushed to say, getting up from the stool and looking for my keys. “Your father probably isn’t getting home tonight, there’s no reason for me to take any more of your time.” But still, as I said it, I stopped by the threshold, fumbling with my keys, not wanting to be alone right now but not knowing how to say it.

“You said it yourself, he’s not coming home tonight and I don’t know about you, but I could use some company.” A wink followed her words as she made her way to the kitchen, with me trailing closely behind. Just like that, all nervousness was gone - I didn’t have to leave, at least, not straight away.

“Say, are you keeping the house?” The question came out of nowhere, as she was stirring the sauce of the pasta we decided to cook. I cleared my throat before speaking, trying to buy myself some time because I wasn’t really looking forward to admitting this.

“No.” It was final. “I don’t want it anymore. She can have it.” She nodded, eyes focused on her task until she seemed to process what I had said.

“So where will you be staying?” I just shrugged, running a hand through my hair.

“A hotel. I think. Didn’t really think this far.” But now it was all I could think about. After years of sharing my space with someone, even if it was someone I didn’t particularly talk to or cared for, I wasn’t looking forward to spending all of my days alone, especially with all of the shit that was running through my head.

“Fuck, no!” She surprised me by interjecting, and at my wide eyes, hers widened too, a hand rushing to cover her mouth. “Shit, I’m sorry.” And then we both burst into laughter, unable to contain it at her inability to restrain her language.

“You know what?” She questioned, a determined look on her face, now. “Fuck this shit. I’m a grown-ass woman and I feel like I’ve earned the right to say a few bad words. Even if it is in front of my father’s best friend.”

My heart picked up its beat at her following wink, my mouth running dry at the combination of the gesture and what she was saying, even though I couldn’t pinpoint why precisely. I didn’t have the time to focus on it either, because she continued, “What I wanted to say was - there’s no way you’re staying in a hotel room, with everything you’re going through! We have a guest bedroom, you’re gonna stay here with us.”

A firm hand clasped my shoulder and I bit the inside of my cheek to contain my smile from becoming a full-blown grin. “You shouldn’t be alone right now.” There was so much emotion in her eyes, I didn’t know what to say. So I just nodded, hoping it would be enough, and apparently, it was. Her body fit right against mine as she held me against her chest, breathing me in once more.

“I’m sorry it had to be this way,” she went on to say, “but I’m confident this means great things for your future. Promise me you’ll try to see the good in it and I promise I’ll help you with that.”

My mouth ran dry, making it hard for me to speak, even though I tried to clear my throat. Finally, following a nod, the words fell out of me. “I promise.”

I had no way of knowing that was the start of a whole new life.

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