#and like i am fat so it happens far less often to me which i am grateful for because holy shit i can't imagine what my thin friends go thru
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I ended up waking up early to finish some work and now I’m in “I deserve a treat” mode and I want to order bagels but I’m also vaguely like ~eeked by the delivery guys behavior (it's been the same guy the past few times and he hasn't done anything but he's given me an increasingly weird/flirty vibe and I don't like men who think I'm ~pretty knowing where I live) and like...it's so frustrating man. I think there's a lot of dudes out there who don't get why being in semi-constant threat of safety is so deeply annoying (and that's like, the best of the worst feelings) because we're constantly forced to reckon with our behavior and if we're "being safe" and like...yeah it's unlikely anything is Going To Happen with the dude who drops off my breakfast but if it did then it would also be my fault and every decision shouldn't have this weight to it i hate it i hate it i hate it
#and like i am fat so it happens far less often to me which i am grateful for because holy shit i can't imagine what my thin friends go thru#like my best friend is often hit on when walking down the street and gets followed and shit like STOP and also WHY#but i know it's power and twisted dominance feelings and misogyny#and i also hate that I have to be like 'i'm not overreacting' to myself a thousand times when having these feelings#like this guy could be totally fine but he likes to ~look in ways closer to a leer#and I just don't have time this morning to go get my food otherwise I would just avoid the situation altogether!#but i shouldn't have to make this decision with heavily loaded implications of safety and self!!!
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Are you a “eat until death” type of person? I know you want to get fatter, but 800 pounds is a lot…
Answer below the cut (:
I'm not sure how to read the intentions behind this anon, rather they be good or bad. But I'm going to answer anyways because I do get asked this from time to time.
( disclaimer because I can already hear people trying to argue with me, but my aunt who was 700 pounds lived until her 60's and she was fat her entire life, so no, she didn't die immediately from gaining weight. Nor will I. )
Am I an ' eat until death ' type of person;
I absolutely am, but I limit my ' death feedism ' posting here ( as well as tag it ) and am thinking of making another side blog to remove that posting from here entirely for the comfort of my followers. I'm not eating with intention to end myself, I just feel like life is what you make of it and anything can happen at any point to cut us a short deal. Also, my cultural beliefs are that the entire purpose of life is to experience it. So that's what I want to do. Death isn't the end goal, and I do eat many healthy foods ( and encourage it often on my blog so that other feedees can gain weight more healthily. ) I just know I wanna get as big as possible, and that may bring along a good handful of complications that can result in death.
TW ; talk of fascism and American imperialism as well as transphobia / legislation enforcing bigotry.
Also, not to get all doom and gloom but look at the state of this world. Look at the dying planet we have limited time on. Each day a new fascist bill gets passed here in America alone. If death takes me out this hellscape then it's doing me a hell of a favor, because there IS no other way out. Not without a ton of money for a passport and applying for citizenship overseas as well as paying American taxes AFTER moving out. And even then, America IS the empire of our age. It influences the rest of the world. And it has already been invading other countries and enforcing fascist dictatorships either directly or indirectly for MANY years now. So even if I COULD hypothetically move out, I'd still be at risk of being under Americas extreme rule anyway. Or worse, I'd end up in a situation like P/lestinian just like Vi/tnam was.
I know what I'm saying is dark and depressing, as well as anxiety inducing, but I'm showing that I've put plenty of thought behind this decision. Just like I did before starting HRT even tho I ALWAYS knew I am trans. And I don't need anyone trying to talk me out of the lifestyle I am living. Besides, with my genetics, I'm going to keep gaining regardless. It happened to my aunt who was roughly 700 pounds, and even then, she was near her 60's when she passed. I'm only gaining faster, not less. ( And she wasn't gaining intentionally, she just didn't care about fitting into other people's idea of what she should be and what she should do. )
In her 60's
60'S
I don't want to be old and wrinkly ( no hate tho those who are ) I don't want to live that damn long ( like 70's and older ) just. Nah. I'm good.
I'm just enjoying my time while I have it.
( this next part is not about people with triggers who are triggered by death feedism or very fat bodies. So if that is you, stop exposing yourself to this bc I tagged it and talked about it plenty before getting to this point of the post. )
And as a footnote to anyone who may be reading this, if you have an issue with people getting ' too big ' 1) you need to check that way of thinking because you ARE in the feedism / fat kink community. And that INCLUDES people who are, gasp, suprise, FAT. And 2) you should spend some time reflecting on what lead you to harboring that way of thinking.
Not saying this anon holds these views at all, I'm just mentioning it because it is my blog and we are on the topic. ( Plus I'm Knipping everything in the bud now as far as the group of people who will try and spew any level of fatphobia at me for this. In which case I'm not even going to read what y'all say, I'm just going to block you lol. )
One love and allat 😌
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A beautician is following me for laser hair removal (I am 16 years old and I started about a year ago). My beautician’s boss once checked my hair situation, and she was surprised I still had so many. So you told me I might have PCOS. Then I got scared because I didn’t know anything about it, and I talked to my mom about it. She told me that in fact, especially before, I was "a monkey", although, while I felt uncomfortable with my hair, I never realized I had so much out of the ordinary. We’ll go deeper to see if the beautician was right, but in the meantime, I wanted to talk to someone about it, see if you know anything about PCOS, like how it affects menstruation or anything else.
Having a notable amount of body hair that's above the "norm" is called hirsutism, which is a symptom of hyperandrogenism, and both of those are symptoms of PCOS.
PCOS stands for polycystic ovary syndrome. Despite the name, you do not have to actually have ovarian cysts to have it, although it's likely.
Three main signs of PCOS are:
Hyperandrogenism (which can manifest things such as "excess" body hair, deeper voice, facial hair, clitoromegaly, acne, hair loss in certain areas such as the head--although, everyone's body processes androgens ("male" sex hormones) differently, so not everyone will present with as strong signs of androgenization, even if they have a high level of androgens in their body)
Irregular periods. This can mean a variety of things. Periods can be far longer than other's, such as over a week. They might happen less often in a year, happening in a time frame over than ~28 days for each. Some people might have much lighter periods than most people or even shorter periods, only a few days. Some people might have large blood clots or extreme pain. Endometriosis can occur with PCOS, which often causes extremely painful periods. Pain is not necessary for irregular periods, though. This can also affect your ovulation cycle as well as your fertility.
Polycystic ovaries. Ovaries can become enlarged or inflamed and have multiple fluid filled sacs that often cause pain (although they might not).
Hyperandrogenism, hirsutism, and PCOS often go hand in hand. It can be hard to tell if someone has hyperandrogenism or PCOS, in some cases, especially since hyperandrogenism is a symptom of PCOS and cysts aren't necessary to be diagnosed with it. Some people might have hyperandrogenism for no "real" reason, whereas for others it is believed their hyperandrogenism and PCOS have a medical link. There are definitely cases where these variations in bodies aren't inherently indistinguishable from the other. A medical diagnosis is often useful because it allows for treatment if the patient desires it.
So, to be clear, based on what you describe, it's incredibly likely you have hirsutism, in which cause you may have hyperandrogenism (which, in turn, is a symptom of PCOS).
It's completely okay to be scared. Unknown things are scary, as is learning new things about our body. PCOS may sound like a scary syndrome, but it is incredibly common. Many women and people live with it. Many intersex people view it as an inherently intersex variation, as do they with hyperandrogenism and hirsutism.
While it's important to note that there are gatekeepers who do not, and these people are frowned upon by the vast majority of the intersex community and are often perisex (non-intersex) people.
Some other effects hyperandrogenism/PCOS might have include:
Oily skin
Predisposition to being fat
Smaller breasts
Insulin resistance
Increased libido
Increased muscle mass
Visible Adam's apple
More ambiguous genitalia (ties in with clitoromegaly)
If you have any other questions, feel free to send them! You are not alone. I wish you much luck on your intersex journey. And this is just some unwarranted advice, but do your best to be confident in yourself and your body. Don't let people try to influence you to do things to it or change it, especially with permanent procedures, unless it's something you've truly examined that you want, and not because others have pressured you, told you it's necessary when it isn't, or because you've been overall socially pressured to.
And I relate to that monkey comment, lol. My mom has always called me her little monkey because I've always been super hairy (although in my case, I've always taken great pride in being called that). It's part of why I chose a Pokémon based on a monkey for my new icon!
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Someone commented on an old video recently asking me (genuinely) if one of my speed paints was AI because 1) it was broken up into highlights for TikTok, and 2) I have a very unorthodox sketching process. So, I have decided to show the entire ass backwards way I sketch out the nearly incomprehensible nonsense that my mush brain spits out at me.
To preface, I use Ibis paint x on a cell phone.
I do not have a fancy program like procreate or clip studio, or even a tablet and a lot of how I work has evolved from what I have found works the best for drawing on my tiny, little, shitty phone screen.
That being said....
A speed paint video
To begin, I rarely map faces more than just very basic shapes. (Though, I will admit the structures can get more complex the less comfortable I am with drawing the face.) I usually start with a very basic framework that I implement half from just years of practice in drawing faces and becoming more comfortable with those base shapes, as well as the fact that I'm already aware I will inevitably be over using the liquify pen. Now, I would like to say this is a crutch and I just do it because it's easy, but unfortunately it's actually just because I have fat fingers and a tiny screen (sometimes I can place lines better with my pen but it's still a really small surface to work with) and it's just less of a headache to address the lines with liquify than redoing them a million times or zooming in so close that I lose the rest of the picture.
I will often start with faces because they tend to have the most small details. From there, I will then usually shrink the drawing down and place it about where I think it'll need to be to draw the next part, all while less than strategically erasing the piss poor guidelines I had originally given myself.
SOMETIMES I will save my guides of a second layer in case I might need them later, but that's about as far as I ever plan ahead to be honest...
And we can see that in the next part where after scribbling in a few vague marks for their hair I then IMMEDIATELY regret erasing my head guides and hastily sketch them back in so I can proceed to poorly map out their bodies (most of which I will inevitably be covering up anyway, which I KNEW was going to happen with this one and I cursed myself the entire time). I then fill in where I want all the glorious hair, which fills up the rest of the blank space in the art with fun and interesting shapes and conveys the lore of the AU.
After this, and to take this from a sketch to actual lineart, I will clean up some of the lines on a second layer and keep some of the original sketch features where I like them. This helps me keep the life of the original sketch while also allowing me to clean up the more scratchy lines, which usually produces a pretty nice, clean looking line work.
Should I do a lore drop for my AU next??
Kinda want to...
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let me start by saying, I'm okay to agree to disagree on this, and I respect you greatly as my queer elder. I hesitate to even send this because I don't think this cause is worth dogpiling (and not even the fun way) on anyone against and , like , I will continue to follow and admire you as a mutual who has been through a lot of the hell that I'm going through right now and got to a place I want to someday be. (for context, I am currently housing & food insecure and am trying to live in a queer-accepting city)
Posting will never be praxis, you are my brother in arms no matter what you call trump or cops or whatever. There are some fat liberation blogs that take issue with calling cops "pigs" for a lot of the reasons I bristle at calling Trump a fatass, and like, if someone is actively fighting cops who can and will actively hurt me and my found family, I don't care what names they shout while doing it. So I see where you are coming from and I'm glad you fight for me. I fight for us too, in what little ways I can while I keep me and my found family afloat. I do better work in the community just by existing around people as a living breathing transgender than I could do in a million posts on this website.
I do think that this is a valuable conversation to have, though, even though you are completely right that this is a trivial thing and not at all the bigger, more real issue at hand. I think it's still important, on online platforms such as this, to talk about how we refer to the other people on this planet.
Think about why you didn't call Trump a "retard". You certainly could have, it doesn't *not* apply to some of his behavior. I know people of our generations once used that word a lot, and we don't anymore. Why and when did we change that? I honestly don't remember. For me, my aunt was medically classified as "retarded" and she was the best person I'd ever met, so I decided that word shouldn't mean bad things. The first time I ever hit someone was over them using that word in a derogative way. it wasn't about "mental illness positivity" it was about humanizing the people that word has been used against - people who have been stigmatized and oppressed with that word.
Right now, hopefully, the same thing is happening to the word "obese". Fat people are less likely to be hired, granted loans or secure housing. they can be kicked out of airplanes and fired from their jobs because of their body size. There have been laws proposed to take fat children away from their parents and "treatments" proposed to wire children's jaws shut and starve them to make them thinner. They are often medically mistreated and misdiagnosed. I once went to a doctor with an ear infection and instead of antibiotics, he prescribed me *bariatric surgery.* I have been refused transgender top-surgery because of my BMI, which keeps me at a passively higher risk for self-injury and worse.
I do not care about body positivity. Honestly, between being fat, trans, and poor, I'm at a point where I've given up on ever feeling good about my body again. All I care about is getting jobs and meds and keeping a roof over my family's head and food on our table. Normalizing the idea that fat is a bad thing that anyone can change continues that stigma. When you use Fat as an insult, you are saying fat=bad. Fat is a neutral thing that some bodies can be, like short or tall or lean. The revolution needs to be intersectional, and body size is another axis of oppression that needs to be acknowledged, just like sexuality, gender, race, class, disability, etc.
If you've gotten this far, thank you for hearing me out. I'm sorry that others are just performatively parroting the same things over and over. Civility is bullshit, and if you still want to use body shaming as one of the ways you fight against bigotry, it doesn't really matter to me. Just as long as you acknowledge anti-fat bias as part of that bigotry too.
Thank you for writing and sharing your life experiences with me, and for your solidarity as well. You're striving to make your way as part of a despised minority in a world that's turned unspeakably harsh toward you in an aggressively mean way seemingly overnight, and I admire you for the life you have lived, for your courage and perseverance during this difficult time where resources are scant and your housing and food security is uncertain at best.
(FWIW, after I was bombed out of my Lower Manhattan home on September 11th, my income went from six figures down to nothing overnight, and I was homeless and destitute for years. Twenty years ago, I was where you are now, and I can tell you that what you're enduring today will not last forever, that there is light and hope and blessing in your future, that you're not as alone as you might think, that you must never give up.)
What more can I do to make the point that "fat" has nothing to do with this? As I've said, I grew up obese, and it wasn't until I enlisted in the Army at age 17 that I was able to free myself from my violent and abusive family and unlock the potential of the body that had been hidden under layers of fat and shame all my life. I know that my path is not for everybody, that many others are not so fortunate, and I ceased long ago to think that fat equals bad or lack of character or any other pejorative attitude that society has attached to it for generations. I hope I've made that clear and that you take my word as truth.
I am not saying "let's fat-shame Donald Trump to make him feel bad." I am saying that I'm deeply troubled by the LGBTQ+ community prioritizing hurt feelings over the very real damage that's being done to us right now all over the country by Trump, his minions, his proxies, and his cult of bloodthirsty followers and worshippers.
Trump's accomplices in Congress and state legislatures and Moms For Liberty are taking over school boards all over the country, banning books and emptying library shelves and harassing teachers and librarians to the point where they're being run out of town, where the State of Missouri has defunded its entire public library system rather than follow a court order to restore books banned just for featuring LGBTQ+ characters.
DeSantis and Abbott have put in place policies that are unspeakably brutal, that are forcing trans people in Florida to slowly and brutally revert to their pre-transition state, that have given health care providers in Florida the right to deny treatment to you and me and all LGBTQ+ people because we are gay, lesbian, non-binary, trans... but God forbid we should call Trump mean names!
We've seen what happens when we buy into the "when they go low, we go high" fantasy pipe dream. This is not the way the world works, it has never been, and we need to put this loser idea in the trash bin where it belongs once and for all.
We're being attacked and harmed in unspeakable ways that are happening now. This is not theoretical or hypothetical. It's happening to us, to those we love, this minute and every minute of every day. And worse is in the pipeline - they're writing laws that will place us under virtual house arrest, that will regulate where we're allowed to go in our own cities and towns, when we're allowed to be seen in public, when and where we can shop, how we're allowed to dress, even what we're allowed to say and SING, for Christ's sake!
And I'm supposed to be concerned about some minuscule hypothetical percentage of my own people being OFFENDED because I'm somehow being insensitive and violating some trivial picayune social justice warrior philosophy, because there's a possibility of some fragile flower taking it personally, and that I should shut my mouth and let the MAGA nutjobs run roughshod over us? Oh, come let Daddy kiss it! while our brothers and sisters are suffering in real time. Sickening.
Anyone who has a problem with my stance doesn't have to follow me or emulate my proven effective tactics as an activist with 37 years of successfully defending our rights under my belt if they're so dainty and delicate and easily bruised. Everyone else that sees this for the strawman bullshit it is, get ready to hit the streets with bullhorns and whistles once again. We've got work to do.
Your arguments are strong and well-reasoned, and I accept and acknowledge everything you're saying. We can disagree on this, certainly, and still work together to turn back the progress that the MAGAs are making, restore our rights, and protect ourselves and each other. But that will require the snowflake contingent among us to get their collective head out of their collective ass, stop whining, and get with the damn program. Calling me names and telling me I'm being a bad gay activist is a waste of time and energy that should be spent fighting the fascists and the haters who are out to kill us.
And to you, my friend and fellow traveler with a radiantly beautiful soul and spirit, I urge you to hang in there, to keep the faith, to keep caring about life, to work with me to secure our own future and the future of our kind. I send to you my very best wishes, energy, and prayers that you will find your way to a place of health, security, stability, and love for yourself and for this precious community to whom we've both dedicated our lives, who mean the world to us.
Yours In Service,
Animal J. Smith
#what more can i do to protect you all#to get you to realize the mortal danger we're in#to put the suffering of our own people ahead of our feelings#to join me in this fight that's eminently winnable#to get you off your butts and your high horses and get to work#to do something - anything - to help save us and save yourself from what they're planning to do to us and are already doing#to think of anyone but yourself for a damn change#to show me and the world your incredible courage in the face of evil#to restore our rights and roll back this tide of hatred and death that's about to overpower us#to make sure that my life's work these past four decades has not been wasted#to let me at long last step back from the front lines and cherish my time left on earth at 61 with AIDS and love my family#to be the dog and the man they need and deserve and long for#to lay down my sword and shield at last#please please please do this for me - it would be your greatest gift#for god's sake wake up#queer activism#queer is not a slur#it's a fucking battle cry#god i am so scared for us all#information gladly given
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[TW calorie counting, disordered eating behaviour?? Also, religious fasting, since that could be triggering for some. I accidentally let an app that tracks calories somewhat dictate my life, realized what was happening, and backtracked away from that, welp. I also describe some of my typical meals here, so, careful if this might be triggering?]
Things I appreciate about the Lifesum app: helped me realize I was eating far less protein than I actually needed and helped me drink more water.
Things I do not appreciate about the Lifesum app:
got me behaving weirdly about food, so I'm going to lay off it or just input what I ate after the matter and not worry too much about normal things like ocasionally eating more than I ought to or eating more when I'm going to be fasting the next day because it doesn't understand that.
I realized I was on my way to developing an eating disorder when I sat there counting potato chips in my head (?!?!) so I can more accurately calculate how many calories because the serving size written on the back wasn't the whole bag but measured in 15 chips and I felt that was ridiculous. I'd input it into the app and then be like hmm, still hungry and still have tons more calories I could eat today, I'll eat another 15, then calculate, then another… wow, how does anyone even enjoy food like this, I have to keep eating them in succession so I don't forget which number on, wait, should I just pick out fifteen and put them in a bowl instead of doing mental mathematics??? Wait, am I for real doing this right now?!
The worst was when I realized I could eat not-so-healthy food if I didn't eat much or at all (not intentionally, this happens sometime if I'm busy or have to get to work but don't have time for breakfast [I usually grab a protein bar, especially for on-call days when I might be woken up and have to get ready for some life-saving case or some other emergency]... it got so bad I started eating my fruits less because I didn't wanna have to input new items not already listed before. Yep, my sheer laziness to add things to an app made me eat less, which is funny, but not so cool when it means I'd start to eat less healthily and therefore end up with less energy, oof!
I also didn't like from the start the goofy neutral line face it gave me about some (perfectly good!!!) food it just didn't like and I'm like, don't you try to be judgmental about the ocassional french fries or jam, are you trying to encourage orthorexia? People can have snacks...
I realized how goofy it was after and I saw in an article someone talking about inputing things so dutifully they included one lettuce leaf (and I was like wait, it's not normal to be trying to input things like that??? Becuase I kept trying to input things even if I ate only a tiny bit of them too……), and avoiding eating things they can't input into it and maaaan, I've calmed down since not inputing things before I even eat them (because often, I wouldn't even eat everything I set out anyway, it's not my habit to finish food, there's usually one spoonful or two sitting and it drives mama up the wall because I'll keep being like "I'll get back to it!!")…
Anyway, it's very good for keeping track of what I need, but I find eating more naturally (eat when hungry, stop when full--some days you'll need more food, other days less, that's all okay) and trying to structure my meals like the ones at the hospital (including all my food groups or doing my best to in each meal--it's amazing what having a cup of milk or laban or yogurt and a fruit alongside protein-rich food like beans or eggs, bread or rice, some vegetables, and a fruit will do for sateity), better and healthier, but I like that it lets me know if I'm deficient in protein or fat or whatever because then it lets me know why I'm feeling persistently hungry.
Feeling happy and comfy now from eating a nice, balanced suhoor/pre-dawn meal [they're supposed to give you energy for the day while fasting, but they're also often kind of light because you'll be sleeping shortly after]: a boiled egg with cream cheese, a bit of fuul/fava beans, a peach, half a sandwich (peanut butter and a new jam I didn't like the taste of, but, gotta finish it! ^^;;;) leftover from yesterday, lots of water. Usually, my suhoor is stuff like a bananas and peanut butter (maybe in sandwich form!) or a boiled egg with cream cheese. Nice and alkaline, to avoid reflux.
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The Perfect Soundtrack in a game.
Hey Folks, Wanted to talk about something important to me, music.
See, Music in my opinion is probably one of the most important things in games. It sets the tone, tells a story and sets one of the biggest impressions on the game.
From Serious games to less than serious ones. From MUSIC to Atmosphere and everything in between, video games RELY on their soundtracks more than many realize.
But One question on my mind: What makes the PERFECT Soundtrack?
Well I obviously think that is subjective. Naturally that's up to everyone's own individual opinions.
Mine though? It's pretty simple. It has to work as both a Soundtrack to a game, AND, it has to work as an album. The Soundtrack has to work in both regards and be uplifted in different ways in both regards. Naturally I want to give examples.
Silent Hill 2 is often considered the best in the series, but as far as Music is concerned I think it takes the silver trophy. The Soundtrack is great, genuinely amazing. But the problem with it is that a lot of it feels more just atmosphere than it does music. Take this for example:
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This is Ashes and Ghost, a song used for the Blue Creek Apartments section when enemies are around. Is it bad? No, far from it, it works perfect for the game. Sets up the atmosphere great and is an overall great song IN GAME. But it isn't listenable. Mostly just scary atmosphere to me.
But of course, let's also add my favorite:
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The Melancholic tone, the guitar that that drives it, the garage tone to the whole thing. It makes it feel more natural and real. The song is down to earth and homey. Perfect for the tone the games give of real people delving into hell (metaphorically speaking)
Now, Does SH3 have atmosphere songs to? Yes, Yes it does. BUT here's the thing. The Soundtrack works though. For the actual SOUNDTRACK, they trim the fat and make it a full actual album. Yeah, I think this counts. To me, if they put the thought of which ones to put in it for you. That works too. The soundtrack's melodic tunes used actually fit a full album. Listen to is and you feel like you have both a great OST and a great album. Here's my favorite.
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The Way the song perfectly explains Heather's emotions and pain. The way it epitomizes how much the pain has changed her in just a single night. The way the song sets up all of the emotions. Utterly perfect song, for a near perfect game. Silent Hill 2 and 3 both could be considered perfect, but I give the gold to 3 as it feels like it tried a little harder to be listenable than 2.
Bloodborne is another perfect one to me. The soundtrack is gothic in nature and every boss has a unique song that fits the boss perfectly (Except the Chalice bosses, but we don't count them). The Songs are all amazingly done and fit the game so well, telling the story of the characters perfectly often without any words at all. Here's 2 of my favorites:
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This song is why I am giving 2 songs here. This one is very good and super haunting, for many acting as the END GAME'S FINAL BOSS THEME. It's quiet and scary and is a song that you've heard a few times before even all the way back in the beginning of the game. You were MEANT to fight this boss. This is what you were put here to do. You never had a choice as you realize it had been a leitmotif* the whole time in the game.
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This song is the epitome of what Bloodborne's music is like. Haunting, intense, intimidating and perfect. Lady Maria stands tall as the Postergirl for the whole DLC expansion: The Old Hunters. Her Song becoming even more haunting when the lyrics are translated (A rare luxury in FromSoft games) Telling the tale of how this whole thing with the fishing village happened and the regret she feels. She isn't a bad guy, she isn't trying to kill you for a bad reason. She just want you to back off and not repeat HER mistake. That whole thing makes an extra layer of sadness to her theme, especially for me who more than repeated it by joining her family's group.
Many out there will wonder which FF soundtrack I think is perfect and while I will tell you my favorite one right after, just for fun. I think this is the best soundtrack they made. Trigger is more the fan favorite but it's soundtrack has some pop culture songs in it which takes me out of it (Robo's theme being the obvious example). This Soundtrack though, oh it fits so well. Not a single song misses the mark. The Music feeling like you've entered into the tropical world of the El Nido archipelago. The composer researching how the music in these places are like to properly recreate it for the soundtrack being the icing on the cake. Here my favorite:
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The Opening song accompanying the opening movie paints a picture of the grand journey you are about to go on, and the vast array of unique locations. The Song is beautiful and unique and feels like a song straight out of the world itself, I get lost every time I listen to it.
The swan song for the Turn Based RPG era of Final Fantasy. Final Fantasy X's music plays a pivotal role in the game and fittingly is genuinely beautiful. Feeling like a mixture of sci-fi, Religious and Tropical. The Soundtrack features many amazing beats worth remembering and listening to. I often get lost in the songs. That said not all are album worth and so it's not what I choose as Perfect. But damn is it so close it might as well be.
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Auron being the (in my opinion) Best character in the game, if not series, naturally his song is my favorite. He's a man who epitomizes the themes of letting go of the traditions that hold us back and hurt us, and embracing a future where we work towards true happiness. He's the kind of character who I love to cheer and cry about. His music fits him so well that by itself I cry a bit
Of Course I was going to add a fighting game soundtrack. Killer instinct is an amazing special case in fighting game soundtracks. All the songs feel like genuine songs out of an AMAZING album. Each song having a unique feel that explains the character perfectly in every way. Now many love the soundtrack, but why Killer Instinct? Because while I love Guilty Gear's soundtrack as a Silver medal, the soundtrack is poorly mixed in game. Baiken's theme being the best example. I'd show you but it's hard to show via article. But KI does things differently. The soundtrack is dynamic and flows with the flow of combat, making it perfect on that regard alone. On top of that there is the in game mix and the Album mix. Both being great, but the thought to make an album mix makes it all the better. Here's My favorite:
youtube
This song is often considered the best in the game. I'm Back to Rise is such a well made song. It's intense and epic while simultaneously tells the story of who TJ Combo is. You get to know him JUST FROM THE SONG ALONE, but you don't sacrifice gameplay. Honestly, I love this OST so much it was the first game soundtrack I actually BOUGHT.
Finally the one that surprises people the most when I tell people: The Sims. The Sims has this great relaxing atmosphere designed to fit in with the retro 60s aesthetic of the game itself. The music is jazzy but in like a GOOD smooth jazz sorta way, while including appropriate other songs when necessary. I often listen to it when I'm out, blending in well with my day to day, while not hindering me like louder soundtracks. Here's my favorite:
youtube
Now to me, this shit is so fucking relaxing. I get lost in the beautiful piano solo. I just want to lay down and relax and read a good book, maybe grab a cup of tea with honey and just... relax... Which is perfect for the game. It wants you to feel like that for the fun doll house aesthetic. Building a house in late stage capitalism has never been more fun.
I hope this has been a fun look into my mind and hopefully helped prove my point on what I think makes a perfect soundtrack. If not I hope you at least had fun. Do you have games YOU think have perfect soundtracks? Tell me! I'd love to hear your opinions on what is the BEST Gaming soundtrack!
#video games#silent hill#chrono cross#final fantasy series#bloodborne#the sims#killer instinct#music#video game music#Youtube
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Hae’s is very anti-science. They sourced their materials from over 50 year old research, if they even cite sources.
They claim that they’re protecting Black people and that’s why this is started. It was white men fetishizing fat women who started it as a kink. Adipose tissue is directly linked to more disease. Not sure how anyone can support them. Yo-yo dieting is dangerous but so is caring an extreme amount of weight on your body…
Do you have sources for any of this? Because just a cursory google search doesn't show any of that. What it shows is that, like many studies, the sample size in the studies is limited and is not a good representation of the general population. And as far as I can tell, the studies look to be from the last 20 years, not the last 50.
Additionally, studies that are 50 years old are not necessarily inaccurate. Simply outdated.
HAES was started in the fat acceptance movement and was popularized by Lindo Bacon, PhD, a weight science research and associate nutritionist at the University of California.
Excessive adipose tissue (which is just body fat) has been linked to certain diseases, like type-2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and hepatic steatosis. Adipose tissue itself does not. Everyone has adipose tissue. You need it to survive. However, correlation does not equal causation as further studies into this have shown.
And all of this arguing about whether or not HAES is good or not (I genuinely don't know. Again, this was a cursory search. Took me maybe fifteen minutes) blatantly ignores other factors. Notably that most people who are considered overweight feel uncomfortable in a doctor's office. They often feel like their doctor is judging them and as a result were significantly less likely to trust their doctor. And of course you have the horror stories of people with actually life-threatening medical problems being told to lose weight and the problem will go away. Or they're told they have to lose weight before getting a life-saving surgery. Or outright being denied medical help.
It also ignores the biological, social, and economic factors that contribute to someone being overweight.
For one, when an individual is starved - either by choice or circumstance - the body's natural response is to hold onto any calories it can find. How? You guessed it, as adipose tissue. This change can be felt up to three generations later. You know what happened in the last century that may have starved our predecessors, making our bodies (and our children's bodies) more likely to retain fat? The Great Depression. Two World Wars. The Holocaust. The 2008 Recession. We are exceptionally well primed to retain body fat and keep ourselves alive should another starvation or famine occur.
Eating healthy is also very expensive. And I don't know if you've noticed the stagnant wages for the past 40 some odd years. There isn't a lot of wealth to go around. So eating well is not an easy thing to do. It is a luxury most people don't have. What they do have is fast food and tv dinners. Perfectly fine sources of food that give them the calories they need, just not in the ideal way.
If someone has any level of stress in their life, it's going to affect the way they eat. Not to mention access and education on food. Food deserts aren't uncommon. Most notably in indigenous communities.
Being fat or overweight or obese or whatever word you want to use is fine and, in most cases, perfectly healthy. I don't know if HAES is a good movement or if it's trustworthy or if its methods are even working. But if it can help people feel more comfortable getting medical help, I am fine with it. If it can help people actually get the medical attention they need, then that is amazing.
If you can't understand that, then I don't know what else to say to you.
#fatphobia#obesity#medial#HAES#health at every size#asks#sketchy answers#i don't know if this is needed or not but Lindo Bacon is genderqueer and uses they/them pronouns#please be respectful
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10. Witches Are Meant to Burn: Something is Wrong
On Patreon (two weeks earlier release)
First | Previous | Next | Masterlist
I’m Tina, and I’m a scholar. I have been Professor Ernestine Ruos-Aliene de Patry’s pupil for quite a few years now and I intent to keep on being her pupil until she gets bored of me and tell me to fuck off, which since I am a lovely student —and since I can do the boring part of her job for her— I don’t think wil happen anytime soon.
We have been in many many projects, usually they are more centered on something very specific, what one surely could guess, as my professor’s life obsession is a niche word in a saying so she lends a lot to details. She loves witches, I admit I am not as interested in the subject as she would like but I admire her love for it, it’s such a pure love. She doesn’t know what they were, but she loves them anyway.
The Podium Library Project is different, there is not a way to be specific about it. There is just too much going on, too much work, too many languages, just… this whole place feels like a mess in time and space. We —as a group— are working hard to catalog everything so the details won’t be studied in depth until we are done.
There are many out of place things, and I’m not even talking about the eight unknown languages. That's to be expected at some level, we don’t know much about the Fog Age but we do know that it erased many cultures, that’s not the point. I’m talking about how this place shouldn’t exist as it is. It's like, centuries ago, the whole continent joined forces to carve Podium, and pass on whatever knowledge they left on the works in here. Which, summing it up, this makes no sense.
I won’t lie, this is a very tiring project, and it has been really frustrating since we are far from cataloging everything and much less actually decrypting something. It’s fun too, after all Fog Age, I don’t think I need to say more than that! Still, more than the project I am worried about Professor Ernestine.
I know her very well. I first met her when we were teens, but we truly just started talking when she was graduating. Ernestine is a young woman, just two years older than me. She has the light, almost blonde, shade of hair that the Aliene often have, cut short over the shoulder, and her eyes are gray as the Patry, she is short as her mother, and fat as her father. One can never not see her coming, because she wears extravagant clothes as if she was a vampire nobleman out of a novel, well, sometimes she wears things more regard like June, but that’s another point.
Weird things have happened with my professor since the start of the project. I think she might be sick. First of all, she passed out at the entrance of the library during a field job. It was so unlike her, she is very used to being underground, and there is nothing wrong with her health. The doctor said there was nothing wrong and honestly this worries me even more, Professor Ernestine de Patry, obviously dismissed it and told us not to worry about her.
She also has been slower. I don’t think she noticed it, but she is taking a bit longer to read and write things, and she spaces out more frequently than she used to. The other day she wrote down the same sentence three times in a row because she forgot she had already done it. I didn’t tell her about it, as a Patry having someone to worry about her would only make her mask her true feelings with the ‘everything is fine’ mask.
The fire didn’t help at all, from all things for these terrorists to pick they just fucking need to pick fire. At very least it was in the academy rather than her house, but I sure as hell won’t be grateful for it. I believe Podium is the safest place for now, they don’t seem to want to damage the archive, I hope they keep up this will, because a fire down here would be a nightmare.
“Tina, whose turn is it next?” Professor Ernestine asked, not taking her eyes out of the copy she was making. She ran her finger over the writing as is her old habit.
“Roman Igor,” I said, giving her a small smile even when she wasn’t looking at me. If it was before Podium she would know it, she has a better memory than everyone but Hector.
“Oh, yes,” she smiled, “He is so young, I'm curious to see him working. You will help me teach him, right?”
“Of course, but where did you find this child?” I asked.
“He is an adult,” she said with a shrug. She was wearing Giland’s —this region of Portia— traditional white dress, it doesn’t really fit her vibes but that’s on her. “He is older than you were when you became my student.”
“That’s different.”
“Of course it is,” she looked up at me and smiled again, “You are my favorite one. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
I didn’t answer, but she wasn’t wrong wrong.
We copied the books in silence for a while, partly because there were many books, but also because Professor started spacing out too often to allow us to work and talk. The cave was silent, our area of the library was wide enough not to hear the other groups, it was also very bright. One of my favorite things about the whole ‘oh no! Fate will kill children if we build houses when the caves are just there’ thing is that humans managed to make really good light devices due to this, including these ones that do not damage the old archive. Something about it is very funny to me.
“Tina,” Professor Ernestine called all of sudden, making me jump and draw a line on the copy. Spiders!
“Yes?”
“Whose turn is next?” she asked, again not looking up from her copy.
“It’s Roman Igor, professor,” I answered slowly, narrowing my eyes at her.
“Oh, yes,” she smiled as she did before, “He is so young, I'm curious to see him working. You will help me teach him, right?”
“...I will,” I looked her up and down, “Are you feeling okay?”
“Yeah?” she looked at you with a puzzled face. “I’m normal. Why?”
“No. Nothing,” I said. I wish I could just tell her that she has been weird. Spiders! These damn Patry and their damn pride.
We got back to writing, I admit I was more watching her than coping down the book —it was an easy book, since it’s from an old version of a current language— Luca will scold me later for coping so little and leaving the rest to him, but I was worried so all must be forgiven.
Professor Ernestine was coping uncharacteristically slowly, she ran her finger on the writing every time she finished a page. I watched as she suddenly stopped writing, staring down, more than lost in thoughts she seemed not to be thinking of anything at all. It scared me, but I just kept quietly watching. I counted. It was two whole minutes before she, just as suddenly, continued to write as if nothing had happened.
“What were you thinking about?” I asked, with the more nosy and casual tone of voice I had.
“What? When?”
“When you stopped writing just now,” I tried.
She tilted her head, “I didn’t stop anything, Tina, stop teasing and focus on your copy,” she rolled her eyes and continued, “Also, Tina.”
“...Yes?”
“Whose turn is next?”
I just looked at her, as if whatever was wrong would just let itself be known, as if she would stop joking and laugh at me.
“Tina? I asked you a question,” she frowned.
“It’s Roman Igor,” I said quietly.
“Oh, yes,” she smiled, “He is so young, I'm curious to see him working. You will help me teach him, right?”
“...yes,” I said. There was something very wrong with her.
—
@kathea, @extemporary-username, @wolfeyedwitch, @blu-jay-2779, @rose-pinkie, @latenightcupsofcoffee
#witches are meant to burn#original fiction#original writing#wicthes#fantasy writing#fantasy#my writing#not a reblog
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this is gonna sound super weird but do you think someone like db would ever fall for a fat girl? It’s so frustrating to see even normal seeming people like him only ever be with super thin models (it’s the middle of the night and I should be sleeping ik)
hey dear, trust me I get it, I get the most random and unhealthy thoughts at night as well haha. to answer your question, it’s really hard for me to say because I obviously don’t know him. I have no idea where he stands with that bc we know very little about his private life and past relationships (which I feel like is a good thing actually!), and as far as i know he never really spoke about preferred body types etc., so it’s not really possible to come to any conclusion based on that.
see, given that I don’t know him but I want to believe that he is a good and kind man, I want to say yes. Like, I want this picture of him in my head that he does not primarily care too much about someone’s body and more about what else they have to offer, and to be honest, given how he usually articulates himself and the things he seems to care about (which we know of), I’d like to think there’s a possibility that that’s actually true :) I could think of other famous men of which I am like 100% sure they wouldn’t, but with him I’m not.
The nice thing about not knowing is that you also cannot know for sure he wouldn’t! Also, we have to consider that being in the spotlight of attention also puts a lot of pressure on what partner you are choosing bc you know people will gossip. I’m not saying this is the case here specifically, but generally I can imagine famous people would tend to openly date more “conventionally attractive” people because they offer less of a target for evil comments and they know they’d drag a “nonconventionally attractive” person into a potentially very hurtful and toxic environment if they go public. but that’s just some random thought of mine that I cannot back up with anything haha 🥴 another potential reason for famous people often being with these model-type of partners is that this kind of business leaves almost 0 room for people who are not fit, skinny, athletic, beautiful, etc. and given that that’s mostly the people they can connect to when it comes to shared experiences etc it kind of makes sense that every Hollywood couple looks perfectly beautiful bc they are a HOLLYWOOD couple and not some random couple that just happens to have found their way to Hollywood, like does that make sense??
So yeah, I guess we will never really know about Daniel’s attractions; sure, maybe he fell for Felicitas bc it’s the only body type he finds attractive, but most likely (at least in my head) he fell for her bc of her other amazing qualities and it just so happens that she’s thin. Like I said, that’s the nice thing about not knowing someone; you can have a picture of them in your head that exists for you and no one can take that away from you! so in my head he totally could fall for a fat person bc why the hell not?? Unless he explicitly says he wouldn’t, which I REALLY don’t think he ever would, that’s what I am going with, and I hope you can do so too! <3
I hope you get some good rest tonight nonnie & thank you for trusting me with your thoughts/concerns! ❤️
#sorry this has gotten so long but I feel like this is something that deserves more than a two sentence answer bc I know how these type#of insecurities can make you feel and doubt#anon ask#if this is formatted weirdly it’s my phone’s fault lol#thank you for asking/sharing! <3#answered.#daniel brühl#idk how to tag this#let’s go with#maybe#cw fatphobia#?#just to be sure??
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It's strange how I'm strong in some ways, but weak in others.
I generally avoid substances, and those I take, I take in controlled doses. I'm not an alcoholic, I have drinks on occasion - maybe 3 in a single night, at the very most, but usually only 1 or 2 drinks a night when I have drinks, which is maybe a few days out of an entire month. And these are light drinks, usually, like beer, or hard lemonade. I usually have food beforehand, too.
I used to be on Adderall. The highest dose, actually, eventually. I took it as prescribed, and no more. I decided to stop, partially because production was getting fucked, anyway, but also because it was keeping me up at night by raising my body temperature absurdly, making me sweat; yet I couldn't sleep if I didn't have a blanket, still can't, because my body wants some kind of comfort around it, something soft to make me feel "safe" enough to sleep. Adderall, as y'all might know, is chemically very similar to methamphetamine. In fact, anyone who's ever had meth can't take Adderall, because it drives them right back to addiction. So, the fact I just walked away from Adderall, no intervention, just out of my own free will, says I'm pretty resistant to substance abuse. Not totally, of course - there's surely something out there that would hook me if I took it, which is why I don't go out looking for anything to do - but I'm generally pretty resistant.
Despite what pot users say about it being non-addictive, it sometimes is. It's far from the worst drug - it's often pretty great - and it's certainly one of the least addictive. But it can be. No hate, just saying is all. I've had it less than 10 times in my life. Wouldn't mind using it occasionally, if I had or was getting into a job that wouldn't disqualify me if I had the occasional pot, but since so many do, I figure it's a risk I'd rather not take.
I've smoked before. Once. The only reason was that I was out drinking with someone close to me, and she had gotten plastered, and some guy started putting the moves on her. I asked if I could go out with them to smoke, even though I wasn't and am not a smoker, only because I wanted to keep my eyes on those two, and make sure she wasn't going to get swindled or anything by the guy. So, the cigarette was passed around, I took a puff, I passed it on, but after that night (where she wasn't messed with, but gosh was she sick from drinking too much), I never smoked a cigarette again. I didn't smoke even a single full cigarette that night, and I haven't put one in my lips since.
So. Substance-wise, I'm resilient. I say no, or I partake of a select few occasionally, and carefully.
That said, I often succumb to hopelessness, to anxiety, and to feeling like my very existence is "in the way" of others. I often get in my father's physical way in his house. Given he's fat (not hating, just stating), that isn't hard. He has a lot of struggles with his own body, and I feel for him, I really do - but when I happen to get in his way, he gets so fucking mad, you wouldn't even believe. He'll sometimes tell me I'm useless, ask what I'm good for - fuck, it's awful. I also feel I'm in the way on a societal level. I'm not rich, but I'm a white guy. I haven't had very much luck getting jobs, honestly, but I was afraid years ago, when I first started looking in 2018, that I might get a job because I'm a white guy, that I didn't immediately need, while some mother of color might need the income a lot more. I felt guilty when I briefly had a job in 2018, which stacked on top of my other job anxieties and frustrations. I still, even as I live with an unemployed father who depends on his inheritance, even as we would be homeless without that inheritance, even as we both need to get jobs ASAP so we won't be fucked when his inheritance runs out - I still fear that I might get a job that someone more disadvantaged than me needs more. That, even as a poor person who needs to secure some kind of income to maintain my existence, I would be maintaining injustice, by prioritizing the life of a white, able-bodied colonizer man (myself) over someone else. Sure, it's the colonial capitalists that are running things, I don't have power over the system as an individual, but... I dunno, I just feel like my very existence is in the way of others.
I also fear that I'll let my partner down. Their biological father, that scum of a human being, is a blue-eyed white with light brown hair. I'm a blue-eyed white man with light brown hair. Their maternal line has a long history of tragedy regarding how the men treated the women, as well as a history of being colonized - though by the Mexican government, incidentally, not the American government.
After every breakup, there's been some point, after being totally rejected, told we won't talk ever again, where I've hyperventilated to the point I nearly lost consciousness. That's also happened to me on at least one occasion when my father was saying something to me, I forget what it was, but it was something incredibly emotionally distressing to me, I think it was something alone the lines of him completely and utterly rejecting some group of people I care about, going on some tirade about them. Or maybe he was going directly after me and who I am. I don't know, I don't remember, I only remember that hewas only infuriated when I begged him to let me lay on the ground and stop yelling at me until I caught my breath, because I really was becoming lightheaded, starting to lose consciousness, yet he refused me, thought I was putting on an act, which was why he was so enraged by how lightheaded I was acting...because I was genuinely lightheaded.
There are so many things I don't know what to do anything about. At least I'm resistant to substance abuse, I guess.
#Hell I was even blond when I was little#I'd probably still be blond if I spent enough time outside#instead of being basically a shut-in#even now my hair still has some blondness in it if you lookthe right way#it isn't a uniform brown there's some gold in it#idk like... am I not my own enemy by virtue of my race gender and colonial status?
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My mindlessness, my fat nose, and my floppy boobs.
In Summa Theologica, Thomas Aquinas said that extravagance is impossible (Of course, he meant this in the scope of loving God, the context in its essence, is that there is no moderation to which one can be virtuous. We can never love God too much).
While I am willing to take Aquinas' word for it, I do think of extravagance quite often in the narrow sphere of my life. Maybe I dropped my philosophy major because my interpretation of text is far too simplistic: I tend to think of everything in my own terms, and I can guarantee you that I have some pretty lavish feelings (ones that I am constantly struggling to make less extravagant). I wish everytime I felt something grand, and everytime I thought no, this is too much. These feelings are far too big for my heart , I was able to scream into a void without any shame. I want to fucking reclaim all my feelings (doing it on the internet is a very strange way to go about this).
Today was one of those days where I did not get out of bed until I absolutely had to. Ten minutes before my 10:00 am therapy session, I was rushing to brush my teeth and then bolting to her office. Therapy went well just incase it fancies you. So well that after I was back to my little dorm, I cleaned, showered, and put on my blue sundress. It doesn't suit me, my boobs look too floppy. Remember when everyone in high school made fun of you for that? I thought. It was an extravagantly insecure feeling. After an hour had passed, I walked back into my communal college bathroom to pee, and I saw on one of the sink counters, my green cup that I use as a toothbrush holder.
I forgot my toothbrush in the bathroom, and I realized it hours later. That is all.
But it wasn't all. Infact, it felt like the end of the world. I am so fucking mindless, I thought to myself. It was an extravagantly disappointing feeling.
I first heard that word from my mother. Mindless. I had forgotten to do something, I think, or maybe I got a bad grade on my Chemistry test, or maybe I didn't clean in a way that was upto standard. Who knows. All I remember is her saying Vaibhavi, how can you be so fucking mindless all the time? Do you think about anything? The first time that happened, I cried and I cried. That was my usual strategy. Everytime mom would throw a new insult my way, I'd allow myself one day of preparation. I had a terrible fear of crying because it felt like confirmation that I had been affected by people's actions.
There was never any space for alone time when I grew up, there was always somebody in every room, and always somebody everywhere I went. I was never fucking left alone. So, everytime I found an empty room with an open door, I would run. I would run to the room and slam the door shut as quickly as I could. I would close my eyes and just fucking enjoy being alone. No screaming, no problems. Usually this safe-haven was the bathroom. So, I would turn on the water, and just cry. But there were rules to this crying thing. After the bathroom-cry moment, I could not shed a single tear, and I fucking stuck to it. With every punch my parents threw my way, with every time I was compared to my father, with every crazy screaming session, I would never fucking cry. I've had a few close calls though. Sometimes it would feel like my throat was on fire because I just wanted to scream cry.
I wanted to sob like a little girl back when I was a little girl, and for some reason that was the most embrassing fucking thing in the world.
I remember this one time my mom privately reached out to all my friends from high school and told them not to talk with me anymore because she was worried I was making up lies about my home life after a very serious breakdown. My friends listened to her, and it was the worst I have ever felt. I came back home and as the fight began, I just couldn't fucking help it. I cried. I cried in front of my mother. I just stood there stiffly, no movements, no expressions, and I cried. Cry now, with your fat fucking nose, was what she said to me. It was an extravagantly painful feeling.
I am always fearful while speaking about her, because I do not wish to negatively simplify the very complex person that mom is. She is smart, enduring, angry, sad, conflicted, and in her own ways, caring. I would never wish to reduce her to just our relationship, which as it stands, is very shaky. But she is good, and I can't help that I am protective of her sometimes. She is a good person, just like everyone else is.
I do think sometimes that I am very mindless. This whole moving to America with no money and no backup plan thing is pretty mindless. Maybe I would never lose so many things if I weren't, and perhaps I could focus more on my work in one sitting. Maybe I would never have gotten sexually assaulted if I weren't so mindless. Maybe I would be more careful with my words. Maybe I would be more careful with my actions. It might be too unproductive to think of what would happen if I did not spend all that time practicing heavy emotional control, and just let myself cry in front of my mother all the times I have wanted to. Would she feel regretful? Would her face soften? Would we both try to sit down and talk it out calmly? Would we realize that we have each other? I never protested to any accusations. Back then, that is what felt too unproductive. But it caused me an extravagant amount of rage. Rage that sometimes feels like it has lived in the bottom of my belly for years.
But here I am, with my weird floppy boobs, and my weird fat nose, and my mindlessness still at full force, so maybe it never fucking mattered. I decided when I came to this country that I would drop the act. All of it. But sometimes remanents of the person I used to be resurface in bits and pieces. It sets me back. I wish this didn't happen. But it is okay, atleast I cry now. And while I do still care a lot about who gets to see me cry, I will never try to resist it again. Being sentimental, needing alone time, being angry, being in love, being stupid, telling white lies, they are all part of me (just like they are a part of my mother), and I don't mind myself at all until somebody else does. I am trying not to do that, but it will probably take years. God I wish I was rich and done with this finding-yourself-stage.
Remember Aquinas' theory about the first mover? Nothing moves by itself. To him, the first mover is God (to me it is not). I am probably my own first mover. I am moving around all these old shitty feelings to give them space, acknowledge them, and then hopefully have some new space for happier shit. I think perhaps your parents are supposed to be your first movers. Fill you up with values, lessons, habits. They adjust you into position with comfort and security. They are supposed to move shit around for you so that you are equipped with stability. If my mom saw me in my blue sundress, she would say she hates it.
I strongly dislike feeling sorry for myself. So I will say that doing shit myself feels much more rewarding, and Lexapro totally works.
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Eczema 03/22
So my skin is starting to look better. It's still dry and covered in some cuts, but the redness is slowly subsiding.
The only things I've done different so far were taking the liver detox supplements and avoiding cocamidopropyl betaine. Though I ultimately believe it's the supplements that are more helpful because I am convinced my condition has an internal root cause. Addressing gut and liver health are the primary goals to healing, the allergies and food sensitivities are secondary.
I've only been on the supplements for a week and 3 days, which is barely any time. I'm going to give it 4 weeks, but milk thistle helps with liver health. It is something I can take every now and then when I feel like I need a boost or a natural detox (again your gut and liver should do the detoxing for you, not a weird juice cleans or colonic or coffee enema you heard about on Pinterest). But the gut and liver get taxed and overwhelmed due to stress, poor diet, pollution, and drinking. I don't notice any huge changes in my health since I started taking this supplement, but I see my skin quite slowly, but surely improving and healing.
Today is Friday so I ate out. I had Crumbl and Chick-fil-a, none of those being liver-friendly foods due to the high fat and sugar contents, which makes them inflammatory. But I eat very healthy overall, so I'm not going to stress. I noticed my hands, especially the tops, get itchy after I eat fried stuff like chicken tenders (like from Chick-fil-a). Again it's high in fat and inflammatory, not so much a food sensitivity. The same thing happened to me on Tuesday when I also ate out, I just went to a different place not Chick-fil-a.
I also had pizza today and I didn't get a weird flareup. I want to go back to eating tomatoes, but once my inflammation heals ~100%. I just want to continue to eat some tomato here and there because I heard that avoiding a certain food for too long can cause you to develop an allergy against it. I don't know if this is 100% true but I'm not taking any chances either way.
I notice myself not really rubbing my hands under running hot water as often. If I do, it's for a shorter period because I'm not getting that much of an inflammatory feedback loop like I used to due to my skin being less inflamed. I will gently and slowly scratch some areas on my hands and fingers with my fingernails, which may generate some scrapes, but not as bad as blisters and large cuts and oozy and bloody skin areas.
I am using the Avene cream, and I'm using an occlusive like Cerave or Aquaphor healing ointments. They have been helping me too. Even though I want to manage my eczema internally, having a cream and occlusive really comes in handy. I love slugging to begin with and would love it even if I didn't have eczema.
I'm still going to do a gut evaluation and then look for a longterm gut supplement. Again the liver detox is used to give my liver a quick boost so it can work in digestion, bile production, enzymatic activity, and detoxing/filtration. This is something I can do here and there, but I'll determine my pattern eventually. I'm taking it now daily because it's my first time taking it and I don't have a completed gut evaluation nor supplement yet. Again I will see what gut health supplement would work best for me, but I know I need one so my gut can be healthy, and therefore my skin.
In one of my old eczema posts, I mentioned that allergies, food sensitivities, and nutritional deficiencies play a role in eczema. I've already either somewhat managed these, the nutrition part, or either don't see them as a main root cause priority, like allergies and food sensitivities. Gut health and proper liver detoxification also play a role in eczema management, something I'm currently working on. I'm taking the liver supplement, I can't wait to do the gut evaluation and then find a longterm supplement that can help me with my skin.
I will heal. I just need to address my gut and liver function as I've never done so before. I feel like it really will help, and my skin already looks less inflamed and is less itchy thanks to this supplement and the new soaps.
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it's complicated: ch.01
i got stuck in freeze mode today, and i think it's because yesterday was a "fail day". i don't think i know very well how to regulate emotions that are associated with failure. anyway, although i did none of the things on my 75 soft list, i did get other things done - meal prep, laundry, some chores. i also watched a decent movie. ate 2 decent meals and then, a fight with A + luteal phase exhaustion made me cave into fast food.
the highlight of my day was, while waiting at the ENT for A, this lady who was there to get her daughter checked, turned to me and handed me her business card. she kindly informed me that she was a health and fitness coach who has a big group of women she conducts "online fitness classes" for on Zoom, and said i should definitely join because, i quote, "you will look beautiful if you lose weight."
it was kinda sad but mostly funny. i couldn't even be angry because i feel like we're from different generations and different worlds altogether, i just felt sorry for her and all the women in her class for believing that their beauty/worth was tied to a number on a scale. --- which is still something i find myself believing in on my lowest days. <sigh>
on a tangent,
i've started this new thing of noting what triggers the i'm-not-in-control-around-food feelings and it's interesting. so far i've noted
sleep deprivation
restless but not doing anything (doomscrolling doesn't count as doing something), typically on PMS and freeze mode days
strong sadness or frustration
anger directed at myself
feeling like a failure
when relaxation kicks in after something exhausting
not eating enough filling stuff through the day
waking up from an afternoon nap after a small lunch
eating out
having foods that i like but typically come under "bad" around the house
for sure these are pretty run of the mill reasons, and you'd think i'd have been aware of them already - but i wasn't!
actually noting down these triggers has made me realise that a good chunk of them are practical problems - which makes me feel like less of a crazy person. for instance,
sleep deprivation
not eating enough filling stuff through the day
waking up from an afternoon nap after a small lunch
some of them are emotional, and i think this comes from the unhealthy ways i learnt to regulate my emotions through childhood.
restless but not doing anything (doomscrolling doesn't count as doing something), typically on PMS and freeze mode days
strong sadness or frustration
anger directed at myself
feeling like a failure
when relaxation kicks in after something exhausting
and then there are some things that are a reflection of the way my parents have been about food
eating out
having foods that i like but typically come under "bad" around the house
noting down all of this makes it easier for me to find solutions - especially the practical reasons that drive my binge sessions. i can also empathize with myself now! - i can finally turn off that mean voice in my head that berates me and my "fat girl" food choices. kinda also makes me feel less like a victim, and more of just a person to whom life's happening, y'know?
next steps from here will be
1. continue noting triggers
2. work out solutions for the ones identified
step 2 is easy for the practical ones.
sleep deprivation:
a. of course, try not to miss out on sleep too often in a week. like once a week should be good.
b. if i haven't slept too late (like say before 2 am), wake up at 8 am latest because then my cycle doesn't get too fucked up, my brain isn't as groggy, and my day still feels almost normal.
b. often i'm too exhausted to cook so maybe have easy filling meal ideas at hand?
c. it's cool to just eat whatever i want anyway
not eating enough filling stuff through the day
a. again something that only happens if i'm too exhausted to cook, so having easy filling meal ideas at hand is the way to go.
b. literally, just order in something nice and filling and wholesome if i can't cook - i deserve it
waking up from an afternoon nap after a small lunch
eat a fruit or a toast with something, can swap out afternoon tea for a no-milk one to maintain calorie count.
problem solving for the other categories are just...well, things i'm still learning about myself and reading about. there's lots of figuring out wise-lemonflowercat is still working her way through. two things that i might have something for though:
restless but not doing anything (doomscrolling doesn't count as doing something), typically on PMS and freeze-mode days
now this one -is a hard one. and i have big days of this coming up since i've hit PMS season. here's a rule i'm making for myself this PMS season, and i'm hoping to stick with this whenever i go into freeze modes: no media consumption when PMSing/freeze mode-ing.
i don't want to call this a "rule", it's more of advice wise-lemonflowercat has for everyday-lemonflowercat: media consumption/hanging out on the internet is a slippery slope for me when vulnerable (PMS, freeze mode), because i get too easily sucked into doomscrolling or binge watching - both of which leave me feeling drained, my brain feels disgusting and body feels like a potato. so i actively want to make sure to either read or self-express (write, make art) instead. one movie/day - preferrable in the night - is a-ok.
feeling like a failure - have multiple restart points through the day.
the "failure-feeling" or "i'm-a-loser-feeling" is one that often greets me on
1. the morning after a typical "fail day"
2. as the day progresses and things don't go as planned
3. when i get stuck in freeze mode
i'm in the process of getting better at self-talking myself through the morning ones, and by far it's the easiest because it's still the start of a new day. but the other 2 have been where i crash and burn, often zombie-ing through the day, waiting for it to be night time just so it can be morning - the only time my brain considers appropriate for a fresh start.
i want to give myself more "fresh start" points through the day. it's going to look something like x -> fresh start, where x is an activity that really clears my mind. ideal times are,
1. around 11 am
2. around 4-4.30 pm
and 'x' can be,
1. MOVEMENT like i am still always surprised at how it can really flip my mood around! cardio works best - walks, runs, or even just a 20min session of HIIT. sometimes these require more motivation than i have at hand, and i find yoga, pilates easier to do. but every . time. i finish a sesh and i feel like a brand new person again.
2. meditate+breathwork is a bit of a hit and miss. it has worked more times than not though, especially when coupled with
3. a good long shower. with scented candles, peppy music, maybe a pre-shower face/hair mask, moisturising after - basically, just really showering love on my body.
4. a science-y podcast: this works for me because i'm such a nerd, ig. i love weird facts, discussions really get my brain going and just listening to all the amazing things people are doing out there is a real motivator for me to get on and do my shit too!
5. journalling
6. watching "productivity guru" videos ahahaha, no but like really. i have a few go to people, and i just turn on the video in the background and it's like someone is giving me the talk i needed to hear. also a hit miss - honestly, a miss more often, because it's easy to get sucked into doomscrolling from here.
i think this whole strategy works great to combat that all-or-nothing mindset of needing a day to be perfect top to bottom. it's really sad the amount of grief i give myself over a couple of wasted hours, and i really do hope i'm able to teach myself to turn a day around at any point.
i wonder if there are people to whom all of this seems blatantly obvious. i guess i'm just not a person these things come naturally to, and i have to actually teach myself to be this way. i think this is what self-love and self-parenting are about, really.
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for want of a bento box
– It’s plain and simple, you see, someone is stealing your bento boxes and you will find your lunch thief! Or, in which Todoroki Shouto keeps taking your bento box and you declare war.
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pairing: todoroki shouto x reader
warnings: fluff, cursing, shouto is a bad chef, I believe I made reader pretty gender neutral but I whipped this out in two hours and I can no longer remember if I used any fem!pronouns but im pretty sure I didn’t
word count: 3,060
a/n: this is for the wonder coworker bnharem collab! I had intended on writing a completely different theme and storyline but was very overwhelmed by how much time it actually needed to be written compared to the amount of time I actually had. that version will be out another time! but for now, enjoy some pure flufffffff!!!!
⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆
Having a normal, functioning, well-paying job was probably the most desirable thing to you. It wasn’t to say that you were slacking or that you were homeless, broke, and never to be seen again because you were that in debt. But it was nice having a job!
When you entered the prestigious Toshinori Company, you joined not as an entry-level job employee but as a senior representative. You thought it was crazy.
It had to be crazy.
You had no prior experience, and now you were going to be in charge and the lead in certain areas?!
“And that was the entire layout of the office!” Mina chirped happily, throwing herself onto the desk chair across from yours with a big smile. “Any questions?”
“I don’t think so,” you mutter, brows creased as you look around the room again.
The office space was ample, sleek, open. Each desk has its own grand computer that you currently could not afford with your own money, comfortable chairs, and beautiful wood desks. It was elegant, far superiorly fancy, and yet, you didn’t feel out of place. Strange.
“Oh!” you say with a roll of your eyes as you reach below your desk to bring up your packed lunch. “Where was the break room again? I need to refrigerate my food!”
“Omg, of course, come this way!” Mina grins, standing up and motioning you to follow her. You smile gratefully and do.
The entire way to the office, Mina takes the time to point at the many different people on the floor and give them names. Everyone so far had sort of acknowledged you earlier as Mina was giving you the official tour. Some were much more open and friendly, and some had sneers or blank stares that left you dumbstruck.
Definitely a personable group.
“Hm, well, I guess Todoroki-kun isn’t here today?” Mina mutters as you enter the break room that has couches and comfortable-looking chairs. “Such a shame! You would have loved to see the office hottie!”
You snort at that, lips curled into a granulous smile as you place your plastic container with food into the fridge. “I’m sure I’ll live,” you brush off the fact that there was an absent person on your floor today.
“That’s the thing, though,” Mina points a finger at you, a lone eyebrow raised and a confident smirk on her face. “You won’t be thinking that again the moment you see him!”
You laugh, eyes crinkling as Mina joins your laughter. Eventually, she motions for the both of you to leave, and you nod in understanding. And with a weird sense of comfort and belonging, you realized that this job was going to be good.
.
.
Eventually, you had been working at Toshinori Company for two months.
Sixty-two days to be precise, and in all that time, you had only met Todoroki Shouto once. Even then, you had only seen the man walking through the office with a blank face, fingers in his pockets as two other men were walking in front of him, bickering lightly.
Had Mina not quite literally thrown herself across the table and gripped the collar of your shirt and twisted your head to look at him, you would have never caught a glimpse at the man with red and white hair. The three of them walked into the break room and came back out with their own lunches before leaving.
And that was it.
You had learned that the three of them (Todoroki Shouto, Midoriya Izuku, and Bakugou Katsuki) were within your department but worked very closely with the very high up members within the company. Many rumors pointed at one of the three taking over the company when the current CEO stepped down. They were, however, on the roster for your floor; they just never appeared except to pick up their lunches. Something they seemed to come to grab whenever you were a) way too fucking busy or b) not in the room.
You weren’t too bothered, though.
It wasn’t like you were trying to date one of them! You had only wanted to say hi.
.
.
.
Now, at ninety days, you had your first and probably most crucial evaluation.
Toshinori Yagi, the man who founded and currently ran this company, sat before you, looking at papers within a folder with tired but kind blue eyes. He nodded, impressed (hopefully), making small comments about the work you had been able to accomplish, a smile becoming a warming grin as he looked up.
“I’m impressed by the performance you’ve managed to attend to despite the short while you’ve been here, y/l/n-shojo,” Toshinori spoke, his fingers threading together and placing them onto the table. “I knew it was an excellent decision to put you in that position, and you exceeded my entire expectation!”
You flushed at that, lips twitching as you attempted to suppress that smile of yours.
“Thank you, Toshinori-san,” you practically wheeze as he waves off your thanks.
“No need to thank me, you’ve done all this work!” he laughs, tired eyes closing with a glorious supply of crow's feet blooming at the corner of his eyes. “Typically, at these evaluations, I ask a bunch of questions because there isn’t too much anyone can do in their first ninety days, I must admit.”
“Oh?”
“Mhm, but because I am curious, is there anything that has been happening as of late that you feel needs to be addressed with me?”
You felt yourself stiffen but knew your one and only complaint was not something to bring up in this setting.
“No, nothing,” you shrug, and Toshinori beams.
“I’m glad!”
Now, the problem.
The big, fat, stinky, hooligan, wanting to throttle someone problem.
For the past sixty of your ninety days, someone has been stealing your lunch.
Yes, you heard that correctly; someone was stealing your damn lunch! Every morning you woke up and prepared a delicious bento box for yourself. Some days you went as far as cutting shapes into your fruits and veggies just to make yourself grin. You weren’t the best chef in the world, but your bento boxes were pretty enough to make up for it, in your opinion. But the thing is, every day when you went into the communal fridge, you noticed two things.
One, your bento box was no longer in the same place, and two, the bento box was not yours at all.
The food was disastrously organized. Rice and lettuce spilling out in every partition in the box. The fruit and veggies often packed in this box had multiple cuts in them, implying that whoever did this was less than ideal with a knife. The meat was often oversalted, the sushi never sitting together, and everything was just… not it.
The first time you had sighed and eaten it, grumbling about how your precious lunch was stolen. But you had quickly figured out that it was inedible, and Mina, Uraraka, and Yaoyorozu thank god, offered to share their meals.
Seeing that you were distressed about how someone stole your egg and octopus sausages one day, Mina declared that they would watch the break room for whoever was stealing your light blue bento box. The first day you staked out, you had done it with Mina. But ten minutes into waiting around, you needed to pee. So you stood up and left in a hurry, leaving Mina alone.
But when you returned, Mina was gone, instead standing by Kirishima’s desk with a bright grin and a stance that screamed that she heard something she liked (gossip, possible in-office romance, a love confession?). Her jaw dropped as she noticed you and Kirishima had turned and waved in your direction as you raced into the break room to open the fridge, and sure enough, your bento was gone.
The next time, you staked out with Uraraka. Your arms were folded, your bladder cleared, and your lips twisted into a pout as you glared and stared down every single member who entered the room. Uraraka whispered to you her guesses about just who might be the thief, every other person rating an 8/10 likelihood of stealing your lunch.
But as the both of you sat there, your eyes narrowed at each passerby, no one came to collect your bento today.
“Deku-kun, no packed lunch today?” Uraraka asked as the green, curly-haired man you had only met once previously raced into the break room, grabbing the extra chopsticks meticulously hidden in the third bottom draw.
“Ah, Uraraka-san, y/l/n-san! Uh, no,” Midoriya greeted you both, who apparently responds to the nickname Deku, laughs off as he grabs a handful of napkins. “Todoroki-kun left all our lunches in his car by accident, and well… they spoiled… Kacchan’s pissed, so I ran off to get lunch for us today!”
Uraraka laughed, shaking her head, “Leave it to Todoroki-kun to act that way.”
Midoriya laughed, bright and clearly in agreement, “You should have seen his face when Kacchan asked for his lunch! I swear–”
“HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO GRAB FUCKING CHOPSTICKS, SHIT-KU! I’M FUCKING STARVING!” a voice roared from nowhere near the entrance of the break room. You did, however, jump a bit, eyes turning toward the break room entrance to see the blond man (Bakugou? Kacchan? You had no idea which was correct) near the entrance of the floor.
“It’s only been a minute, Kacchan, relax!” Midoriya laughs, completely unaffected by the startling shout as he waves goodbye to both you and Uraraka before leaving, joining Bakugou as the both of them seem to talk comfortably… well, maybe more like bickering.
“Why are they–”
“Childhood friends, apparently,” Uraraka sighed, but the smile on her face betrays her exasperation.
No one stole your bento that day.
Yaoyorozu took up the third stake out, the two of you idly chatting about tea. You honestly had no idea what to talk about with Yaomomo; she was often just so elegant and mature despite being your age. When you learned that her family was in charge of the Yaoyorozu Corp, it had been strangely easy to accept that.
It made sense.
So as the two of you stood at the kitchen sink, boiling water for tea Yaomomo swore would be the best matchup for your packed nigiri, the both of you missed the man who walked into the room, opened the fridge, and took your lunch.
“I… I am so sorry,” Yaomomo apologized, head bowed dangerously low as the both of you looked at the sloppily cut salmon in your not actual bento. “Please eat my food in reparation.”
“No, it’s okay,” you sigh, chewing on the somehow still warm salmon. “I deserved this loss.”
Luck was just on this man's side, it seemed. No matter what you did, you could never catch the man in action, and you were ready to give up.
But this was the last attempt you said to yourself as you returned to your office floor, the evaluation done, and the rest of your life coming to light. You could do this. No! You WOULD do this!
.
.
“Why don’t you just put your name on your bento box?” Bakugou asked, a lone eyebrow raised in what you could only assume was judgment and pity. The explosive man was standing in the doorway of the breakroom, watching as you and Mina were trying to climb up the counters of the breakroom to grab the camera you had previously planted. “Obviously, it doesn’t have your name on it.”
“Um,” you squeak, having been obviously caught by someone who intimidated you just the slightest bit. “That’s a good idea, thank you, Bakugou-san.”
“Tch, whatever, just clean up the damn counters, fucking nasty standing up on there. Some people prepare their food there.”
“We would never forget to do that!” you argue, desperate to not leave a bad impression on this man.
“I don’t know much about you, but I know raccoon eyes over there would.”
“MY NAME IS MINA!”
“Like I care.”
He left without so much as a wave but did seem to nod with his departure. You sighed as you hopped off the counter, Mina grabbing the cleaning supplies as she cursed out the long-gone man under her breath.
But you were looking at the fridge with your missing bento box.
“I can’t believe I never put my name on it.”
“It’s okay! Not even Yaomomo thought of it, so I say we are still smart!”
.
.
.
It was the next day, you were at your desk, anxious as hell as you did your work, trying not to focus on the fact that it was lunchtime and you were actively avoiding the break room. You wondered if they wouldn’t come and collect it today. If somehow they were an asshole and wouldn’t care if your name was on it! What would happen then? What if it was someone like Bakugou who was taking your lunch? What then? You were sure you would cave in slight fear and major intimidation if he said that your lunch was his now.
“Want a cutie while we wait, cutie?” Mina asked, waving the small tangerine in her fingers as she grins.
“Please,” you say in gratitude for the food because you were starving. “Thank you.”
Eventually, you lost track of what was happening, becoming all too invested in the conversation that Mina was telling you about that involved Kaminari, Kirishima, Bakugou, Midoriya, twenty-seven Red Bulls, fifteen Monsters, and five shots of sake. It seemed that the former two were quite big instigators when they wanted to be, and the latter two were unable to back away from challenges, especially when the other was involved.
“Y/l/n?” an unfamiliar voice called from behind you, and you turned partially in your chair as you looked behind you.
Standing behind you was a tall man with red and white hair, and from this distance, you noticed immediately that his eyes were a deep grey and brilliant blue.
Todoroki Shouto.
“T-Todoroki-san!” you greet him back, voice unable to keep from trembling as your nerves shot up. What was going on? You two had never interacted before! He was always gone, never present, and whenever he was in the office, it seemed that you weren’t there.
He cleared his throat and raised up two identical bento boxes.
“It seems… I have apparently been stealing your bento boxes,” he concludes, pressing the blue bento box with your name written on it into your hands.
Your jaw drops as your fingers curve around the cool plastic, eyes blinking up a storm as you try to abstain from laughing high pitched and ugly like.
“It was you?!”
A pink color blooms onto his cheeks as he averts his eye contact with you and nods slowly, “I am so sorry.”
“I just… how?!” you exclaim, exasperated, this man obviously being a bit dense if he had no idea he was taking your bento box!
“I prepare my bento boxes the night before, and I don’t really remember what I put into them….” Todoroki explains slowly, his hand rubbing the back of his neck, his tongue clicking the roof of his tongue. “I just thought that my cooking was improving and that I was somehow doing an amazing job.”
The grin that overcomes your face is one of subtle, strange fondness and soft warmth. “I can tell you that you probably haven’t improved much,” you tease, opening your bento box to see your prepared meal for the day.
Cucumber salad, bulgogi beef, rice, and some fruit.
It was packed exactly how you remembered.
“I can’t believe I finally get to eat a meal I prepared,” you continue to tease, your eyes moving up to meet Todoroki, who was also looking at your bento previously. “Thank you for returning my meals and apologizing.”
“It was nothing,” Todoroki waved off with a single hand before opening up his own disastrously assembled bento box. It looked worse than usual today. Everything was just thrown in, it seemed. You saw egg and rice, but everything else in there was indescribable. He smiles at you before sighing at his bento. “This looks more like my stuff.”
You laugh, shaking your head, “You want to share my bento box? I’m sure you probably don’t want to return to that.”
“No, it’s okay,” Todoroki gently declined, although he looked at your bento with great want. He cleared his throat, gaze moving to lock on yours, and you swore his cheeks were still pink but no longer from embarrassment. “I just wanted to come and apologize for stealing your lunch for so long and to thank you for the meals; they were all delicious. Especially the soba you had made.”
“It’s all good; it’s in the past now,” you say gently, somehow finding yourself falling for a man you’ve barely just begun to talk with. The both of you stare at each other, and your skin feels warm. You chuckle, gaze averting for a moment before returning as you tease him. “Although, if you steal from me again, I’m not so sure if I’ll be so lenient.”
“It won’t happen again, promise,” Todoroki smiles, and you feel your spine melt. “But I would love to make it up to you somehow. I can make you dinner one night or something?”
You laugh, head shaking, “No, absolutely not; I don’t trust your cooking skills just yet. But you can definitely take me out to dinner.”
“Yeah, I can definitely do that,” Todoroki agrees, and the both of you fall silent as the shy stares continue. “Does, um… is Friday at seven okay with you?”
“That works,” you say, and Todoroki smiles.
“Good, I’ll uh, see you then?”
“See you,” you agree with a sweet smile before turning around, your fingers raised in a small wave.
You turn to see Mina, Uraraka, and Yaomomo staring at you, eyes comically wide and so very intrigued.
“Oh… my… GOD!” Mina shrieked as Todoroki walks away, and you shriek as she jumps across the table and shakes you, screaming about office romances and meet-cutes being entirely too underrated. “PROMISE ME I’LL BE INVITED TO THE WEDDING!!!!”
“MINA!”
.
.
.
.
.
It would take about three years of dating, several months of teaching Shouto how to cook, which resulted in a few bellyaches. Still, eventually yes, Mina would be invited to your wedding.
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toptenic
TopTenic
disillusioned-heart
Just another girl