#god i am so scared for us all
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i just finished dark heir
#me foaming at the mouth during the last chapters: HE IS! FUCKING! SAVING YOU!#i am huddled around will kempen hissing like a mama cat none of these fuckers are allowed to look at him#dark rise#okay but like. cyrian at literally every moment in the book you see will anticipating things and making connections#that you never make. doing things like a leader & being fucking smart and strategic. and your dumb ass really thought.#hm. must mean i shouldnt listen to him about the magic staff that can literally stop the end of the world. must be evil.#me: [screams into the abyss]#i know i cant expect characters to react like readers and they DID all react like i knew they would but god it was so infuriating!!!!!#and heart breaking! god!!!! god!!!!! will reliving his mother's initial betrayal over and over and OVER again#and thinking about all the little moments we get where the novel tells us: if these 'evil' characters had just been accepted#instead of tossed aside maybe they wouldnt have fallen. if they had been protected instead of killed maybe they would have#become protectors instead of killers. maybe if will's mom hadn't tried to butcher him for the sin of his own birth#he wouldn't have been so scared to tell people he lied to them.#anyway im not normal about will kempen and if book 3 doesnt give me his friends fucking accepting him i'll kill someone#me looking directly at visander: i dont care how charming you are i'll murder your ass about it#i read this book in like 5 hrs im being very normal about it
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eobard thawne, why are you holding down your nemesis who 'ruined your life' Like That
#eobard thawne#professor zoom#reverse flash#the flash#barry allen#eobarry ig?#the unimaginable things the first panel does to me..... grHGRAHGHR#HES NOT EVEN GRABBING BARRY OR ANYTHING. HIS HAND JUST FUCKING LIES THERE.#AND THE WAY HIS EYES ARE CLOSED???? MY FUCKING GOD HES ENJOYING THAT. _SO_ MUCH.#AND THEORETICALLY. FOR ALL WE KNOW. HE MIGHT EVEN BE KISSING HIM. WE SURE CANT FUCKING SEE HIS MOUTH.#WHO'S FUCKING RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!!!!!!#im telling you even fucking running scared doesnt have anything even remotely close to This level💀💀#he IS faster than barry and he has a truly wonderful time putting it to use only in the moments like these#this mf is So gay and touch starved. i am officially not able to can#they are fighting in a burning dystopian world but thawne is just. chilling while hugging barry from the back. god why is he like this#actually no yknow what. i've changed my mind. no ig and question marks this time.#eobarry
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A genuinely horrible thought just occurred to me. Would everyone please pray that the court does not order me to put my children in public school so that I can go get 'a real job'?
#So far every time I have asked that my husband be required to pay child support the response has been “Why aren't YOU working”#I am. And also homeschooling my eldest and taking care of my younger two. But it's not good enough.#I am making slightly less than minimum wage so it's not good enough.#(He is perfectly able-bodied and currently unemployed and is contributing precisely nothing to their upkeep.)#...I trust that God would not bring us this far just to abandon us now. But I genuinely do not see how He is going to do this.#From my limited human perspective it is impossible.#I don't know how I'm going to get all the bills paid this month. Or next month. Or the month after.#The roommate did not contribute to rent at all this month. I have rental insurance and rent and the Sam's membership and electricity#(why is the electricity so high. Why. Why why why. I have cut down as much as I possibly can)#and phone and diapers and I'm sure there's something I'm forgetting there always is.#I'm trying so hard not to fret because I know we're not supposed to but I can't quite rid my body of tension and I'm trying not to rail at#my husband because I know I'm not supposed to but#...I'm scared.#I'm honestly not sure if this counts as#Screaming into the void#or#Nattering into the void#Edit: the roommate did help with rent yesterday but the website had not updated to reflect it. So... now it's double-paid?#I'm trying to see if they can cancel my portion so I have enough for the rest of my bills.
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watching old stuff (like, beginning of aew) and this is kips first match of tv/dynamite. the fact that he can hang with the fucking elite says so much of the level of talent he actually has
the crowd is chanting "this is awesome" while hes in the ring, having winning offense against matt jackson
hes being put on notice here. he makes people take a double take. he doing well in a tag match against the elite. he had a banger before with hangman. he won the first ever singles match in aew history
so fucking by god tell me why is kip sabian still overlook, under rated as all hell and not given opportunities to prove himself when back FOUR YEARS AGO he was this fucking good and now hes even better
#fuck it im tagging it im tired im angry fucking hell#kip sabian#IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF THIS CONVERSATION GOD GET TK ON THE PHONE I WILL YELL AT HIM#like. what fucking gives. what the fuck#i get it he got dealt with few bad cards (jh. miro. injury with long recovery. personal stuff) but still#they completely fucking halted his progress after his initial return. discarded a character with HUGE potential#after he lost to oc all of it went to hell and down the drain and now they just arent using him#do you understand what this does to a fan. like do you get it at all#do you know how fucking irrationally upset and scared i am that aew will just not only cut him from programming but also let him go#because they dont think hes a draw. cause they arent giving him a chance. not even a single one. maybe once in a blue moon#but its not enough. they dont understand what they are missing. and its making me sad and upset and angry#when hes tried so fucking hard and worked so fucking hard and always been so fucking good but they dont see it#god sorry this match got to me but i fucking mean every fucking word god#box thoughts
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genuinely these panels are going to make me ugly cry
#i'm not back for real yet i think i want to stay away longer. i'm just here to put more things in the queue and answer messages#i really enjoyed trimax vol 4 idk something about it was less miserable than 1-3#might have been the first volume that i wasn't grimacing the entire time i read it. or maybe i'm just desensitized now.#unironically this prayer is soooo beautiful to me. give us this day our daily bread. not bread for the week not bread for a year#just enough for today.#lately when i've been praying it just looks like#please for the love of god please please please please please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPL#things are not looking good for the community house.. lots bureaucracy with the city. and the church that funded us is falling apart#i don't know what i'm going to do if we get shut down it's the one thing in my life that's worth anything#all those kids... where are they going to go. who is going to help them. where is the neighborhood going to get their food.#in two days it will be the anniversary of [REDACTED] and i am so so so scared#just sat in my room today and fruitlessly scrolled thru jobs im not qualified for & tried not to think about thinking about killing myself#i don't WANT to kill myself i don't want to think about it i hate thinking about killing myself i will never ever kill myself or even try#but there is a demon or perhaps a ghost or evil wizard that tells me there's an easy way everything can go away. and it's A STUPID. BITCH.#please do not reply to this post i know you all mean well but i just don't think i can handle it.#talking about it i mean. and hearing people say nice but empty things.#i just wish i had someone to sit next to me.#personal#i don't want to go to church tomorrow :( it all feels so fake and i do not ever feel fed.
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I guess the thing that bothers me about some of the posts on here berating people about voting for Biden is that some of the people they are berating are people who have literally lost dozens of family members to this genocide and they still don't seem to understand why telling those people "yeah, Biden is aiding a genocide but you better still vote for him because Trump would be worse!" is hurtful and patronizing, or why those people then get angry.
I'm not going to tell you not to vote for Biden, I do understand the reasons why it feels like the only option, but please for god's sake think about what the words you are saying look like to someone who has watched this man enthusiastically fund the murder and starvation of their people for the last five months.
#us politics#palestine#biden#i have like five different posts about this in my drafts but these are the gist of my thoughts right now#i understand that a lot of the attitudes coming out of those 'vote for biden please god' posts are due to fear#and i get it#the fear of what will happen if trump wins is real and justified#i am terrified too#but also i think if phrases like 'yeah he's aiding a genocide but' begin to fall from our lips so casually#we maybe need to take a step back and think about the words we're actually saying#and whether they are fucking helpful#also i need the 'vote blue no matter who' people to stop treating anyone who has decided they can't vote for biden like a fucking toddler#with no understanding of politics#i know we're all scared and angry#but talking down to someone is a really shitty way to get them on your side.
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do you think the eagles or chiefs are winning on monday?
The Curse of the Wheel™️ has landed on the Chiefs... I believe in our lord and savior Brandon Perna EAGLES BY A GAZILLION BIRDS COUNTRY LET'S RIDE
#in all seriousness I am fucking scared#our secondary is absolutely decimated at the moment while Chief's D has been elite so far this season#all Pat has to do is quick slant us to death... man our intermediate pass defense is so bad Travis will eat us alive#it's going to be tough but if we can keep it at one score going into the 4th quarter we will always have a chance#at least our pass rush is still solid? I'm just hoping for a clean game... no injuries no backbreaking penalities NO BULLSHIT PLAYCALLING#anyway I'm predicting something like 31-27... hopefully for the Birds... please......#.asks#Anonymous#going to slash my life expectancy in half watching this game no matter the result... our upcoming schedule is brutal good god
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halfway thru my first drivers ed session. idk if i can do this aftually lol
#purrs#there’s like 30+ ppl in the class and most of them are high schoolers who already have like at least 20-30 hrs and i have 3. also the#instructor is really nice and means well but she is also a little clueless and she embarrassed me in front of everyone (or maybe i#embarrassed myself) bc she had us all introduce ourselves and say what we like to do and i said play video games and she was like oh are you#a bit of a gamer 👀 have you been to any of those conventions. LIKE 💀😭 NO I JUST PLAY SILLY LITTLE PET GAMES…..#but ajyways um. i don’t have enough driving experience to start behind the wheel lessons yet 💀💀💀💀💀 and we r watching videos rn and it’s so s#scary like istill have such trouble even maneuvering the car around how am isupposed to develop situational awareness and be driving on high#hihways and shit. this is so overwhelming. it’s like ‘every moment ur behind the wheel u and the ppl around u are at risk’ well idont want t#to be at risk or risk others lives. but also i need to move out. help 💔💖#anyways this class has INSANELY long breaks (like 15+ mins thank god) and we might be able to end early every day too so. fingers crossed it#wont be that bad and i’ll actually retain stuff and learn to drive fucking finally. but im so scared#also on thursday we are watching a video depicting a graphic c*r cr*sh so. that’s just fucking great#drivers ed tag
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Assorted thoughts on falling in love
No one ever told me it would be terrifying.
I am very good at finding (or more often inventing) reasons why I shouldn't love him; I do this so that I can have an excuse to run from vulnerability. Mostly this just means I love him anyway, but feel deeply and anxiously conflicted about it.
I hate how undignified this feels. Turns out I have formed at least some of my identity around appearing untouchable and in control. I feel at odds with myself because I can't pretend that being around him makes me less happy than it does; I smile involuntarily when I hear his voice and I can't stop.
It is horrible to me that other people can see the kind of person I have chosen and thus perceive me in a way I can't control. This makes me want to control him, so that I can project the image I want to project. I hate this about myself; it is deeply, deeply unfair to him.
Sitting beside him is maybe the most peaceful place in the entire world.
#in the sermon on sunday the pastor talked about how sometimes we can desire wisdom because we want the control#of knowing what's going to happen and what the right decision is all the time#instead of acknowldging rhat human wisdom is limited and we have to trust God#anyway that hit home in ways very relevant to this#i am so terrified to make the wrong decisions and so terrified by the fact thay i cant actually know perfectly and thus control everything#and i am so terrified on so many ways by the idea of loving him#im so terrified by the fact that i dont know if where my life is going is compatable with where his life is going (because i cant know#because neither of us knows where our lives ate going!)#and im so scared caring about him is somehow going to make me care about God less#and im so afraid to want something because just the wanting feels like idolatry#and at the same time i dont even know what i want!#and also yes i AM overthinking this 4 month relationship hilariously thank you for asking!
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did kyle cry when he found out raven was stan
yes...A Lot.
which is kind of a big deal, because jersey kyle...
never cries.
ever.
so its a large part of the Why Can't Jersey Say I Love You ask meme, that, ik, is taking me forever -- i have so many asks rn haha -- but for the sake of context/lore, i will summarize part of it here. ( badly )
in essence, kyle, who is the least okay/mentally fortified person ever, is under the false pretense that everything in his life is fine...bc he refuses to process that it isn't. because to him, as long as everything is going to plan, w/ no detours or distractions...Everything Is Perfect.
see, kyle...likes to plan. kyle likes order. kyle does not like chaos.
he does not like to deal with messy, complex human emotions, fussy things, upsetting things, dramatic things, any kind of touchy feelings. its inefficient, makes you vulnerable, its embarrassing, its impractical. most of all...its unpleasant/upsetting. kyle doesn’t do unpleasant and upsetting...kyle Is unpleasant and upsetting.
and after stan died...kyle wept inconsolably. he cried rivers, lakes and oceans, day in and day out, only to realize that all the puffy eyed, red cheeked, blubbering and snot...were for naught, because kyle could cry until he died of dehydration, sob until his chest was swollen, scream until his throat was raw & bloody; it didn't matter.
because it wouldn't bring stan back.
...that no matter what he did, how hard he begged, bartered or pleaded...at the end of the day, his sweet, precious stanley marsh was still Dead and kyle was still the same sad little boy he always was, drowning in his sorrows & his dead super best friend's jacket, weak and whimpering, eyes warbling. a waste. a weakling. a worm.
so one day...he just...Stopped.
he just stopped feeling things.
completely.
as a coping mechanism ( aka not-coping ) he just decided to compartmentalize all those uncomfortable, intense feelings, anything that wasn't useful to him and ignored them all together. pretended like they didn't exist. will not humor them. which makes sense bc in addition to not crying, kyle also doesn't laugh.
this, i think, is interesting because, to keep himself 'safe' and in working order at all times, kyle doesn't think about unpleasant things, he also is outwardly abhorrent to prevent things from getting to close to him, anything he could get attached to or might get sentimental about because he doesn't like to be vulnerable at all.
conversely, stan feels things extremely deeply and all the time. so he is constantly in distress and disarray because at all times, he is aware of how Sad he is and can't compartmentalize things like kyle can.
( can we see why it might be super easy for ravenstan to tell someone he loves them and why it would be really hard for jerseykyle? fML )
but back to kyle who count on both hands...maybe one hand...the amount of times he's cried.
he cried the morning after the sadie hawkins dance in sixth grade when all the news crews and ambulances and firetrucks were at stans old house, watching them put shelley in a body bag, and telling him like, in stans jacket, that they couldn't find him and that the flames were so hot that he probably got incinerated in the blaze.
he cried when he found out raven was stan. it was...a lot.
he also cried...
...when they broke up during the ravesey divorce. </3
like it was....Oooooof. it was so sad and fucked up. like when i tell you jersey kyle, like scary ass jerseykyle, who never bends to Anyone, was literally on his hands and knees begging ravenstan to stay I'MMM :(
he was clinging onto the hem of stan's shorts, absolutely devastated, lip quivering, fucking hyperventilating like nononono--stan, don't go! please, Please don't go! please, please, please don't go! :(( don't leave!! don't leave!! waitwaitwait!!! i do! please just--just Wait!!! :(( i do, baby! i Really do! so, so much and -- i! FUCK!!! i can--i can Say it! please just give me one second! i can--NO!!! NONONO sTAN, PLEA
sigh....*narrator vc* He Could Not Say It.
it was sooooo goddamn AWFUL!!! like literally the one thing that kyle fears the most in the world is losing stanley marsh which had already happened once and was now happening AGAIN??? oh my Godddd
his abandonment issues are so gnarly :'(
aStandonment more like
he also held it together while stan was there, however, the second that door closed, kyle wept BROKENLY into stans big shirt, full body shaking, knees to his chest, loud, open mouth sobbing, the knees of his pajama pants drenched, desperately trying to reach stan, to try and explain himself with words that wouldn't come, only to find that stan had blocked him...On Everything.
it was AAAaaAAa ;-;
uUuUuGh!!! plus it's sooooo sad and Scary when jerseykyle cries because it basically triggers a massive, full-blown Panic Attack!! because he's like oh god why am i suddenly feeling every bad thing ive ever repressed? why can't i breathe? why does my Chest Hurt??
:(( jErSey
hell is a PLACE, bitch!
anyways...tldr: yes, kyle did cry when he found out raven was stan. he cried when he lost stan, found stan...and then lost stan again.
fun! :)
-uncle nina, jojo posing at the gates of gay boy angst hell
#i gotta stop doing the ask memes at the top of my box#BUT I AM PASSIONATE ABT THIS#also please note that stan was packing a bag and jersey was like nonononono where are u going where are u going :(#and stan was like Out and kyle was like stan its -10 degrees you are in a shirt and shorts like u cannot go out like that!!#i cant let you go unless i know youre somewhere safe#and ravenstan was like Kenny Is Picking Me Up#WHIIIIIIIIIIIICH OUGH MY GOD WHEN I TELL U KYLE WAS TRIGGERED AS HELL OH MY GOD THE VIOLENCE#like kenny was dating marj but u know hes still a little insecure abt kenny being in love with stan even if it was unrequited#but more than stan was sober and kenny was not also this was def abt to cause a stan bipolar ep so kyle was worried abt him#relapsing it was OOOOOOF marj and kenny also broke up during this period of time bc kenny took stans side and marj took kyles#ommmfg i cant talk abt the ravesey divorce i hate it so Bad#but i am very passionate abt jersey kyle and how he just made himself into a machine and like doesnt know how to be human#but yeah so jers does not feel things as a coping mechanism so he does not know how to process anything that is important#and doesnt cry bc its gross and insufficient and not useful to him he doesnt love people bc it is not practical#and he did that for so long and it was so dehumanizing that like he does not know how to be vulnerable or soft so#yeah...kyle does not cry if hes crying its for a good reason its also super bad bc hes probably having a panic attack#and is rly scared/upset bc he suddenly gets hit w all the waves of unpleasant human emotion he repressed & freaks out bc he doesnt kno#what to do....i love u jerseykyle even if u cant say it back bb
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Peppino being a little magician makes me go :)
#chattin#making characters have silly little talents is so fun#this is of course bc i suffer from Love of WorldBuilding disease and i do this with all of my ocs (bc its very fun)#anyway the reason i thought of it was bc i DO really enjoy him being good with knives and being a knife juggler#bc its one of those obscure things u have to like fall into; but its also REALLY fun to know how to do this#its a good icebreaker! esp if ur like. anxious and scared of everything by default#‘U-UH….i can . juggle…knives.?’ ‘what the fuck? forreal???’#so like#doing sleight of hand tricks seems pretty adjacent to that#card tricks and disappearing/reappearing acts#but unlike MOST magicians who keep their knowledge a secret#peppino literally doesnt have the capacity to sit in a convo longer than he wants to be#like the back n forth of ‘what? nooo u gotta show us’ ‘nope! teehee!’ like thats just annoying#so he takes the time to show how he does it bc often times even with a visual guide people cant recreate it#ANYWAY#i am saying this bc i thought of the noise throwing a Live Grenade at peppino#and peppino is like oh my GOD oh my god and hes jumping and panicking and the noise is like >:3!!!#and then he takes deep breaths and the grenade in his hand just disappears#and the noise is like wtf. what. where did it fucking go? walks up to peppino to look#peppino makes the ‘shhh’ motion and holds both of the noises hands in his own#and when he flips them palm up; the grenade is in the noises hand#like theyre on some looney tunes level shit#funny to think about#well i guess since i wrote it out i might as well draw it dhdjdndkdmdk
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Are you ready for the ending? I want to know how you feel about this. Personally, I am not okay.
(dw i saw your other ask fkdjghdfgjk)
I'm so torn lol. Part of me is hyped purely to just have some content even if it's just for a bit. The other part of me remembers the shit that happened when the manga ended and I wonder if it'll repeat especially with the dudebro aot fans, hate them actually LOL (then again I no longer look at r*ddit) and I've already seen another influx of terrible aot takes specifically on the clock app but I'm trying to distance myself from that app anyway, now feels like the perfect time.
I guess another thing I think about is how annoyed I've been with how the final parts of AOT have been handled. I'm sure it's going to look gorgeous, but to me it feels like AOT has been a complete afterthought in favor of boosting JJK. Which I get it, JJK is MAPPA's real baby and money-maker, so of course they're going throw all their funding into that. It just sucks that it's ending with these extra long episodes instead of a regular season. Mostly because I wanted to live out the hype over weeks at a time instead of everyone exploding over it for a week and then it's just... done. I don't like this new trend of seeing everything all at once just to enjoy it for shorter periods of time. It doesn't feel satisfying to me at all. (Which reminds me of how Haikyuu ending is gonna be handled and UGH. HORRIBLE)
I'm also just sad because, in a way, aot ending almost feels like I'm saying goodbye to an entire decade of my teenage years/20s, it's really weird. I know the fandom will always be around, even when it's been slow to have new content provided for fans I've never had a problem finding a community here/on AO3/at conventions. But it does make me a little teary-eyed knowing we most likely won't get much new stuff (aside from the upcoming side story that was announced). To be honest, I loved the characters of AOT WAY MORE than the story itself and for me, I'm happy writing them into other universes, making new fanart of them, even if it's for a smaller and smaller community.
Anddddd the show ending more reminds me of a lot of people I knew who were into aot just...either not being around or moving onto other things. which is totally fine! it's bound to happen with all things, just a bit of a sad moment, you know?
but yeah gfjkfgjdh I don't really know my entire point but this has been what I've thought about recently with it all ending!
#not excited for the possibility of levi x reader fics being shared around on tiktok again though#also have been scared to update pwasoi because of that#im just seeing how ao3 fics are thrown all over tiktok with jjk and dear god i am scared#a03 feels like it's turning into wattpad and it's not... i dont like it tbh#but now that im thinking more about it i do think hardcore aot fans have been so used to these really long periods of just radio silence#that we've learned to create our own stuff to live off of LOL
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judas' death killed people btw. judas obviously but there was collateral and it was me
#rori still jcs posting. I need to be writing but this is what we're doing#it's just. I DON'T BELIEVE HE KNOWS I ACTED FOR OUR GOOD!! I'D SAVE HIM ALL THIS SUFFERING IF I COULD!!!#AND I ACTED FOR OUR GOOD!! AND I'D SAVE HIM IF I COULD!!#CHRIST I KNOW YOU CAN'T HEAR ME!! BUT I ONLY DID WHAT YOU WANTED ME TO!! CHRIST I'D SELL OUT THE NATION#FOR I HAVE BEEN SADDLED WITH THE MURDER OF YOU!! I HAVE BEEN SPATTERED WITH INNOCENT BLOOD!!#AND THE INCORPORATION OF I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE HIM.... OH GOD#I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE HIMMMM... I DON'T KNOW WHY HE MOVES ME... HE'S A MAN... HE'S JUST A MAN...#HE IS NOT A KING!!! HE'S JUST THE SAME... AS ANY ONE!! I KNOW!! HE SCARES ME SO....#WHEN HE'S COLD AND DEAD... WILL HE LET ME BE?? DOES HE LOVE? DOES HE LOVE ME TOOOOO?????#DOES HE CARE FOR ME?? OHHH!!!#and then the#my mind is in darkness now... my god! I am SICK!! I've been USED!!! AND YOU KNEW ALL THE TIME! GOD!!!!#I'LL NEVER EVER KNOW... WHYYYY YOU CHOSEEE MEEEEEEEEEEE. FOR YOUR CRIME!!! YOUR FOUL!! BLOODY!!! CRIME!!!#YOU HAVE MURDERED ME!!! YOU HAVE MURDERED ME MURDERED ME MURDERED ME MURDERED ME!!#so long judas........ poor old judas..... so long judas.... poor old judas..... so long judas......... poor old judas.............#just. crazy. absolutely crazy song
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I watched an mdzs animatic with a song from wicked, and something in my mind finally clicked and now I want to scream about how similar my current and my past hyperfixations are.
"Good news, the witch is dead!" like
"No good deeds" is such a "character pushed to their limits" song. Imagine it before the nightless city. The first scream, as Wen Ning and Wen Qing walk away. The chanting as he lies there, unable to move, praying for them to be well. Memories of people he loves: Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, Lan Zhan, the Wen siblings.
"Was I really seeking good, or just seeking attention?" -- as he looks at the burial mounds and leaves.
"If I cannot succeed, Fiero, saving you, I promise no good deed will I attempt to do again." -- as he learns about Wen Qing and Wen Ning's death.
Ending with him arriving at Nightless city and pulling out the flute.
I want to see it animated so much!
My skills are so annoyingly not up to the task. Maybe if my hyperfixation survives long enough that I learn drawing and animating things well? It'll be the third mdzs animatic I really wish to do one day. Maybe one day.
#mdzs#wicked#my tastes do never change. all my favourite stories seem to have “dark evil” characters that are actually good#I am obsessed with this okay#mdzs did what I love about such stories the best tho. it's perfection. i love it so much oh my god#wicked has the advantage of being a musical. tho I have 60+ mdzs animatics saved so by now I arguably consume it as a musical.#maybe one day I'll write a comprehensive list of all animatics I've ever came across#wicked also has a slight advantage of the word “witch” being used. it is a fun word that makes me feel thing#it was what I was called in school#because I was weird and autistic#and wasn't afraid of blood and drew weird runes and made weird rituals I called “magic” that were rumored to actually work#because one day a boy annoyed me. I made weird hand gestures. and he immediately got hit by snow falling from the roof#i swear like five people from my class confessed they were scared of me#and later my uni teacher. she confessed there were rumors going around among teachers about how scary and terrible a student I was#I still can't get over this it's so funny. imagine being this annoying and weird. it's hilarious.#so yep. my love to stories about characters the are deemed “evil” by the world runs very deep#I love them so so so much ahah#now I just need to learn drawing and do my love some justice
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hit one-two combo of being extremely discouraged about my character designs and being inclined to sit around and feel terrible in my room while doing nothing
#rot.txt#the character design thing is like. i just remembered how much inspiration i took from this woman when i was a beginner artist#and i know some of those character design things SHE uses a lot stuck around in my art#and then i remember that people have told me my art reminds them of hers#and then i get worried im falling into the same design pitfalls she did#and them im scared all my character designs suck shit and ass#and then i dont want to draw. hey guys what if instead of doing something that makes me happy i just sat in my room not thinking about this#its getting late i think i need to go to bed early. if i do that maybe my pokemon will love me#im also frustrated with myself for sleeping so late so often it not only sets me back in pokemon sleep but also just makes me miserable#its been a very social day maybe thats why im feeling like ass#and ive eaten like nothing today good god how am i not hungry
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