#and just how profoundly fucking sad that made me
Text
just finished suzi’s deep dive video about RE4make
her ending it with “it’s a game i’m so glad i lived long enough to play”
was
just
a kick in the fucking head and i just want to bury my face in my arms and start screaming
#i've been struggling since this game's release to find the words for how it makes me feel#and that's it#that's the feeling#you know like#after you get through your active suicidal episode#you just kind of balance out#and you keep going#and it's whatever#but it's so so so rare#(for me at least)#to encounter something that makes me genuinely so grateful that i didn't do it#to find something that just makes me go 'i'm so glad i didn't kill myself'#but RE4make genuinely got me there#MULTIPLE TIMES EVEN throughout the course of the game#i remember thinking about this a lot in the lead-up to FF7R's release#about all of the people who played OG and loved it but died before they could ever dream of a remake actually happening#and just how profoundly fucking sad that made me#(FF7R didn't give me the same grateful feeling RE4R did tho to be clear)#(the rufus boss fight GOT ME REAL CLOSE)#(but then the rest of the game happened and)#(once i beat FF7R i looked at my roommate and said 'we will never speak of this again')#(and then i turned my PS4 off)#(and i haven't touched the game again since)
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
SHITHEAD.
Art Donaldson x Reader.
warnings: a lot of them. 18+, slapping, begging, major angst, brat!Art, an argument with make up sex. Art is really manipulative because… he is a bit and we all know it. [Y/N] is very ill-tempered too. it’s dirty.
can be a part ii to SPONTANEOUS, or read as a standalone. this is my favorite piece of writing i have published on this account.
The bed was empty beside [Y/N]. She stared at Art’s empty side of the bed. The soft green sheets and mix-matched pillowcases went unoccupied. Not because he wasn’t home, but because [Y/N] hated Art so he had to sleep downstairs on the couch.
It wasn’t that she really hated Art. She did hate him right now. Not in a funny way. Their drive home had been silent. Poor Art didn’t know how to facilitate conversation that wouldn’t worsen the situation. His sorrowful eyes, but honest eyes kept glancing from the road to where [Y/N] sat in the passenger seat. The real showdown had started between them something awful when the door to their house slammed shut.
See, Art cried when he got mad. Or sad. Or profoundly excited. Their wedding photos were two-thirds Art crying and trying not to show that he was crying.
Art hadn’t cried tonight yet. That pissed [Y/N] off. She was furious and he seemed to feel absolutely zero discernible feelings about that.
They argued all the time. It rarely lasted all too long.
It was different this time. When [Y/N] started to say something cruel or shout or weep, Art got a little smaller, but he alarmingly stood his ground. He averted his gaze and said “I respectfully disagree,” or “What the fuck do you know about how I feel?” in a dangerously level tone.
Fighting with Art about this wasn’t fun. He was too cool about. He knew he was right. [Y/N] wanted to yell and scream because Art was so relaxed and condescending in his tone. When the man who had spent his teenage years getting referred at competition after competition as literally Ice tonelessly said: “Jesus Christ, aren’t you bored yet? What, going to over-explain the same information to me again, or…?” Finally, that had made [Y/N] drag herself to bed and yank the door closed violently enough that she felt the metallic vibration run all the way up to her shoulder.
And she was still laying there, staring at Art’s side of the bed.
At the Zweig’s party that night, there were a few hot topics in the Donaldsons’ sphere:
1) Lots of congratulations from people that had known them grow up, but hadn’t seen them since the wedding or prior.
This was mostly very kind. It dragged that smirk up Art’s face and caused his fingers to dig tighter into [Y/N]’s waist. That look of pride and tenderness on his face was more than welcome.
2) Lots of questions about Patrick. His lack of attendance was felt.
Both Donaldsons dodged these question as much as they could. Art kept an eye on [Y/N]’s liquor consumption. He knew how embarrassed she would be if she said something she regretted in front of Patrick’s family. Patrick had hurt them both, but Art’s heart went out to [Y/N]. Her world had been built around Patrick’s from a young age. Art was trying to engineer his own world higher around her so she wouldn’t be able to see the old place and people that had burned her over the walls.
3) “You’re married. When are we going to be seeing a little Donaldson running around?”
With Art keeping an eye on [Y/N]’s drinking, she hadn’t really been keeping an eye on him. She just assumed he would keep his shit together. Art drinking in public was never really a concern. He wasn’t a big drinker anyway. At this point, his career mattered more and he was approaching his mid-twenties which made him feel surely less young than he had once. He wasn’t a casual beer guy either. It was Patrick who liked beer and Art who would have a moledo or something sometimes. Art did like white girl drinks, though. Tequila and fruity stuff. He had been able to shoot shot after shot of vodka like a pro in college at a season-end celebration.
Art was a tight-lipped man, but he was a giggly drunk who he got pretty comfortable talking out of his ass from behind a glass with an umbrella in it. Art was rarely comfortable with anything, so a drink or two at a party was welcome to him.
Another important point of context is that the largest point of tension between Art and [Y/N] was starting a family. They desperately wanted a child together, but they disagree on when. [Y/N] felt like she was fresh out of college, so she figured they had plenty of time. Art felt that he was fresh out of college, so he figured they may as well get to it.
Their arguments about this were once semi-regular. In the last four months or so, Art timidly bowed out and hoped [Y/N] would tell him when she was ready (sooner rather than later). He got tired of the low-tier shouting matches. Instead, he would pick fights about things that were decidedly lower stakes when he was bored.
Art had let [Y/N] field comments about family planning throughout the night. Unfortunately, when Art was polishing off a second drink, he ran his mouth a little bit.
Knowing he was the designated driver that night, Art did go easy. Art was also, like, five pounds. While he could hold his liquor with grace, he always got giggly. He watched with heavy eyelids as [Y/N] walked away to collect another drink following the dinner portion of the evening. The paper placecards with their shared last name emblazoned on them rested comfortably in Art’s inner jacket pocket to be kept as a memory.
Some guy who sold boat insurance and liked to rub elbows with talent was talking Art’s ear off. Art couldn’t remember his name, but [Y/N] would know it.
This was the precise moment that got Art in trouble.
Because when the guy whose name Art was sure started with an R said: “So! You’re married. When are we going to be seeing a little Donaldson running around?”
Art said:
“Any day now, I hope. Tomorrow. I’m good to go. [Y/N] thinks now’s not a great time for her.”
He had said it with a smirk and a stupid little laugh. It was basically locker room talk. Big deal. He would’ve said it to Patrick with [Y/N] present in the room. This guy wasn’t Patrick and he was technically speaking behind her back.
Art had forgotten how close they were standing to the bar. He had forgotten that the frequency of his pitchy tenor was known to carry. He had forgotten that he was well known to be an instigator of fights even though he never actually threw the first punch. He had forgotten that he hadn’t been whispering. He had forgotten that this guy… Richy? Ronnie? was pretty much a stranger who had no business knowing their business.
Now, Art was sleeping on the couch and his side of the bed was empty.
Jackass.
[Y/N] stared still at the empty bed and didn’t know how to articulate her upset to an Art who had seemingly yet to feel ashamed.
She had a headache and was tired. But sleep wasn’t going to come easy and all she had to look forward to was a hangover.
Art didn’t really snore, but he was a heavy breather when he slept. The lack of his white noise made the A/C blowing and the stairs creaking too loud. Maybe all of this was on [Y/N] for making Art uncomfortable, she dared to think.
Then she reminded herself that it was Art’s fault for talking too much and for drinking when he knew he was supposed to drive home.
[Y/N] rolled over to face away from Art’s spot. All she could think about is how his hands always sleepily pawed at her to pull her back when she got too far away from him before he fell asleep.
“So, what’d you do?” Patrick asked.
“She hates me.” Art replied. It was almost a question.
“I asked what you did, not what she feels. She already told us what she feels and it’s that she hates you.” Patrick stated. When Patrick had stopped through town for a match, he had come by for dinner with, well, his best friends. This had been right after they’d gotten engaged.
Art sniffled. He didn’t want to cry in front of Patrick. Art would sooner cry in front of his own father. Both men would have laughed in his face, but it would have stung more from Patrick. “We got into a fight yesterday. A big one. Like, the first, uh, big one. She’s worried about the f—“
“The future? Please,” Patrick said bitterly. He frowned and his jaw tightened, but he combatted it by tossing Art a smile before the other man noticed the tension. “Stupid. You’re gonna marry her. You’ll play tennis. She’ll do her… columns? Articles. I don’t get what it is that she does—“
“She writes for—“
“Sure, yeah. You’re gonna have two kids so you can each pick a favorite one. And she’s gonna be a pain in your ass forever. Don’t be a pussy.”
Art sniffled again and stared at the floor. “I didn’t mean to do anything wrong. I didn’t think I did,” Art said meekly. “I don’t get it. She gets so mad sometimes. At me.” Patrick stared at him blankly. Art had to know that he was usually at least a little bit the problem.
“Did she do the thing where she calls you a—“
“Shithead bastard?”
“Shithead bastard.” Both boys said at the same time. Art dragged his hands through his hair and looked up at Patrick. Both of them quirked a smirk at the other.
“See,” Patrick started. “You’ll be fine. Fuckin’ go after her.”
“And say what!”
“Uh… ‘I’m sorry?’ You do that kinda shit. She’ll like that.”
It was impossible to know how long [Y/N] laid there. The clock was on Art’s side and she would get spitting mad if she rolled back over.
She could just go downstairs and tell Art to come back to bed. He was probably sleeping just fine.
“Hey, hon, you don’t hate me, right?” Art’s voice whispered in the darkness.
[Y/N] was fairly certain she had imagined it. She had not heard his sweaty feet on the stairs or his fingers against the doorknob. Quickly, [Y/N] whipped over to face the door behind her.
There was Art. His sweatpants sat low on his hips and his shirt was long gone. Clothing didn’t often survive the night on Art’s back.
Really, she couldn’t help but wonder how long it had taken Art to work through coming upstairs so quietly. “Mm?” [Y/N] groaned in question.
Art rocked his right shoulder into the doorway to lean. His arms were crossed and his eyes straight ahead on her from what [Y/N] could tell in the glow of the hallway’s thermostat. “Please just tell me you don’t hate me and I’ll let you go back to sleep. I can’t stop thinking about it.”
With a sigh, [Y/N] sat up and rolled her cracking shoulders back. “I don’t hate you, Art.” Her heart melted a little bit. [Y/N] knew it was immature, but her special attack in arguments since childhood was to bandy around the word hate a lot. Not that she had said it to Art tonight, but she had no doubt said it before. More than once. More times than she could count, maybe.
She was surprised Art had never asked this before. That surprise hurt in an a way that was too complex to describe. “I could never hate you.” [Y/N] continued, voice hushed only because it was dark out.
Art’s posture relaxed slightly. “You promise you don’t?” Said Art’s evermore crippling lack of self-confidence.
“I promise.” [Y/N] replied calmly.
“Okay. Thank you.” Art said in a small voice.
“I love you, baby. I don’t hate you. You shouldn’t have to ask that. I’m sorry I made you feel like you even have to ask that.”
Art frowned sharply. “No, I’m the one that should be sorry. You told me nicely not to talk about—“
“Don’t play that. You have to know you don’t feel like you did anything wrong, so you don’t have to invent a situation where you’re some horrible person.”
Art was silent.
[Y/N] continued. “I’m pissed because you told Randy,” RANDY. His name was RANDY. That’s it. “Our business. My business, really. He’s an asshole. It’s fine. Well, not now, but eventually. But you kinda martyred yourself on it. You don’t have to do that and I don’t hate you. You know I don’t… Right?”
“I’m sorry.” Art said quickly. He was gifted at making every single minor problem his own fault. He knew he was a little bit of an awful person for that, but he would die before admitting it. Art would hide behind his martyring habit as long as his cross could hold him, though. [Y/N] hadn’t noticed before this moment, but she could see the shining of his eyes in the digital blue-green glow. Tears. This time, less than obvious waterworks. Aw.
“I’m sorry. I’m still pissed at you for running your mouth, but I’m sorry too.”
Art nodded, said nothing else and reached for the doorknob.
Here is a frustrating thing about Art.
He said he was going to leave for downstairs once [Y/N] said she didn’t hate him. He started to make good on that vow. If he says something, he’s going to do it, even though he doesn’t have to do it.
“Come on,” [Y/N] called louder than she’d been whispering. “Come here, pretty baby.”
Pretty Baby by Blondie had been their wedding song. She had been calling him that for almost as long as she had known him. Saying it, or hearing the song always made that stunning, small crooked smile stretch up beyond his sad puppy eyes all the way to his ears.
Art’s kryptonite was pretty baby. They both knew it.
He turned to look at her with a slight blush on his cheeks, almost visible in the dark. Art shifted one of his feet childishly over the other in apprehension.. “Don’t make me say it again. I don’t like to ask twice.” [Y/N] reminded him.
After a hasty nod, Art was in bed before he [Y/N] blinked. The blonde sat bolt upright beside [Y/N] with his eyes wide. Hesitant, but coyly so. He knew this pattern. The agony and shame from her brutality would only last so long. Housepets loved to cause trouble for treat.
Not to say that Art liked to start fights so he could play some low-status lapdog that got to feel his wife’s fingers comb through his hair the way he liked as a reward for an apology. The man bit his cheek to avoid a devious smirk. A part of him did like to do that sometimes, though.
He always got away with it. He was such a nice boy.
[Y/N] rolled her eyes and leaned back into the threadbare pillows. With a finger, she beckoned Art nearer. Hesitation eliminated, Art flopped slowly down beside [Y/N]; she on her back, he on his side, facing her. Delicately, Art’s fingers dragged down [Y/N]’s arm to curl in her fingers.
Not long after that, his plush mouth climbed down from her neck. Then shoulders and collarbones. Then bicep. Elbow. Forearm and wrist. Down her hand to her silver-studded ring finger. Each kiss with accompanied with an honest and dutiful I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. He was sorry. Genuinely. Sorry for the upset he brought his wife, but not the cause. Art’s beautiful duel-colored eyes glanced up at [Y/N]’s blown pupils through her own fingers.
“I didn’t mean to talk about you like that… I just… I love you so much that I want more of you. That’s all, honey,” Art laid his head on [Y/N]’s upper chest and his mouth moved against the front of her throat. “I’m just a little stupid, huh…”
Under his lips, Art could feel the rumble of a laugh rip through [Y/N]’s throat. Her fingers tangled themselves in his hair to hold him in place. “Do-don’t talk about yourself like that,” she mumbled and gave his hair a lovely tug with both hands. He whimpered. [Y/N] wanted to bottle that sound. Art would always remember what she said next and how she said it: “Only I get to talk about you like that… St-stupid.”
This was the version of [Y/N] he was going to remember when he thought of her every day for the rest of his life. That sentence, the way her hair hung from where he had pushed it away from her neck. The sting of the cold metal from her wedding ring on the back of his neck and the stone of her engagement ring pressing into where he reached his palm to place his hand over hers. There was just the wrong amount of clothes between them. Her eyes ringed smoky from the makeup smudges and the exhaustion.
“Say it again.” Art whispered, swinging a knee over [Y/N]’s thighs so he could stare down at her. His forehead pressed softly against [Y/N]’s.
[Y/N]’s mouth fell open slightly with a breathy exhalation. Holy shit. “What, pretty baby, you want me to tell you how stupid you are? You like that?” [Y/N] almost whispered into Art’s still lips. He was too shocked to kiss her back, but too turned on to pull away. Art whimpered louder than before. [Y/N] felt him nod.
So she didn’t hold back. “You think I need to punish you after you behaved like that today or something? You need to atone for what a moron you were, shithead?” [Y/N] kept her tone light enough to just about tease as her nose trailed along the side of his. Her objective was to belittle. Her nails slid down Art’s muscular, sturdy back.
They both knew Art was a masochist on his worst days. Did he get off on being degraded sometimes? Sure. But this series of events was ridiculously new and exciting for [Y/N]. And shockingly obviously for Art too.
His hips pressed into her pathetically. “What? Did you need help with something?” She asked innocently when she felt Art’s hard-on against her thigh. [Y/N] kissed him distractingly warmly for how she was treating him. Art’s head spun and he couldn’t seem to make sense of anything anymore. He had backed himself into the best kind of corner.
Across Art’s hips and side went [Y/N]’s left hand, to the front of his sweatpants. Humiliatingly, Art blinked tears out of his eyes and screwed them shut. His mouth opened and closed, but no intelligent sound came out. [Y/N] planted a kiss at the corner of his parted lips. His strong arms boxed [Y/N] protectively in from above, but she had him locked into place, really. “Baby, if you want something, you know you have to ask for it.”
“Nnh,” Art tried, eyes stuck shut. His attention was mostly spent hold himself up over his wife. His insanely gorgeous wife. [Y/N]’s other hand grabbed his jaw tenderly. He still didn’t look at her. Art was gathering his courage. “Yo-you already told me I couldn’t have what I wanted.”
With a sharp inhale, [Y/N] grip went from gentle to nonexistent. At the lack of contact, Art’s damp eyes crept open one at a time to see if his brattiness had overstepped the situation. His frightened eyes caught [Y/N]’s. She popped the side of his face sharply with an open palm. Art blinked and tipped his head to the side like a dog.
That was big trouble, huh?
“Fuck,” he said. Both of them panted in sync. “I’m sorry.” He meant it.
[Y/N] pulled Art’s face to hers and kissed him hard. “I love… you.” She said.
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Saga Anderson, and Nordic rep in Alan Wake 2
Early on in Saga Anderson’s exploration in Alan Wake 2, she runs into Ilmo Koskela. Fiercely proud of his Finnish heritage, Ilmo gregariously makes note of Saga’s Nordic sounding name and the familiar design of her knitted sweater. Perhaps a fellow Finn?
Alas no, Saga’s mom is Swedish she informs him. Immediately Ilmo’s face falls. I’m not sure if it’s actually just the animated character defaulting to his resting face, but either way the timing is too perfect. Cue uproarious laughter from me. People in the Nordics are on friendly terms of course, but we gotta have the tiniest bit of… scornfor each other. All in good fun of course. It’s traditional.
Now, I’m Danish, not Finnish, but still, I feel right at home in the towns of Bright Falls and Watery in Alan Wake 2. All of the little nods to Nordic culture and mindset feel so wonderfully familiar to me. The melancholia, the irreverent sense of humor, the affection for the Finnish and Swedish quirks of the characters. The game feels all the stronger in tone and narrative for Remedy embracing the Finnish roots of the studio.
Which is exactly why it sucks that I almost immediately saw the charm of those narrative decisions weaponised against Saga.
I first watched the scene between Ilmo and Saga on a lets play when I was trying to figure out if I should finally dip my toes into survival horror and buy the game. Delighted by the writing I took a look into the comments to see if people were vibing as hard with it as I was. They were. But I also saw a comment that made me frown.
Paraphrasing, it basically went, come on, like hell a guy like Ilmo would make the assumption that a black woman is Finnish. There are a multitude of reasons why I think that person was wrong, mainly that Nordic people love it when we run into each other in other countries, but it also just made me sad.
Saga being black does not negate her Swedish heritage. Formally, she is American, sure (I assume, not sure how that works in the US), but she’s raised by her single Swedish mom, of course she’s going to identify heavily with that part of her herself. It’s a profound and essential part of who she is.
But hey, I’m a white potato Dane, so I’m not gonna argue that I know much about the experience of being biracial. I’m gonna stick to what I know, which is that Saga is a very moving and beautiful example of something that I’m actually not used to seeing much of - a story about connecting with your Nordic heritage and roots. And it’s part of why I love her so much.
When Nordic people show up in big, international productions, it’s usually as Vikings, and sure, it’s fun to see our wild ancestors, but contemporary questions of Nordic identity and heritage is not something I often see explored. Not even in our own productions.
So much of Saga’s story is about family. Fighting for her current one, Logan and Casey (and sure, David too, lol), and rediscovering her first one. Tor and Odin.
Her discovering her ties to Tor and Odin is profoundly moving and made me teary-eyed several times over. And sure, a lot of those ties are fantastical in nature, but they still feel very much grounded - and what makes us Nordic if not the ties to our myths and legends that Tor and Odin have made themselves the living avatars of.
While Saga’s mom, Freya, had good reasons for leaving the Anderson seer magics behind, seeing them as part of what made her family fucked up, she also cut Saga off from the fullness of her capabilities. It is only through Saga reforming her family, healing its scars and fully embracing the Anderson heritage that she becomes as powerful a parautilitarian as she is at the end of the game. That’s beautiful.
And in fact I think Saga being black only deepens the richness of those themes rather than negate them or make them irrelevant. Because yes, Saga’s story would have been moving if she was a white character too, but I am very well aware that a lot of biracial people of Nordic ancestry can feel alienated from that part of themselves. Not least because questions of who gets to claim a Nordic heritage can get pretty ugly around here. There are most definitely people who share the racist mindset of that commentator. It adds an extra dimension. Which is why seeing Tor and Odin’s eagerness to claim Saga as part of the Anderson heritage is all the more moving. Through her magics, she’s just so obviously an Anderson, and they’re so damn proud to call her theirs and fight alongside her. Because they all got that wild Viking blood in them. They’re part of her and she’s part of them.
Roger Ebert, the film critic once called movies empathy machines. I think games, when they’re at their best, can be an even more intense variation of that. Which is exactly why it baffles me that some people can play through Alan Wake 2 and still think Saga is a stunt-woke character rather than someone fully and beautifully integrated in the narrative. A narrative which, at its most basic level – in my opinion – is about the mystical bonds we form with each other and the rest of the world through art and love and blood and family and heritage. All the great horror doesn’t negate that either, it amplifies it. Kind of like that clicker.
#I really didn’t mean to write like… a fucking essay#so this is probably gonna flop#but I love Saga so much#and as a Scandinavian woman#I feel so seen by her#and I hate that people are being so vile about her character#Saga Anderson#Alan Wake 2
104 notes
·
View notes
Text
Jason Todd Fics - September 2023
Fics I recommend with a focus on or POV of Jason Todd. Masterpost can be found here.
Key: Has a ship or romantic plot, unfinished, multi-chapter, one-shot
NOTE: some of these do require an AO3 Account to read.
Whisper Closely in My Ear by Kangarou
The words went in one ear, rattled around like bees, before ramming out the other. The doctor was sitting painfully close, only two feet away. The tone of voice implied he was talking louder, not quite a yell but something nearly there; it sounded like a whisper to Jason. So quiet, with every third word unintelligible, except for that first phrase: "Mr Wayne, I'm afraid you're profoundly deaf."
---
Jason is profoundly deaf. He learns to cope with it.
An AU in which Jason is deaf. This is one of my favorite Jason fics. I often find myself coming back to it. Its a great character study, introspective and has that delicious kind of hurt you just want to sit with for a while, with a helping dollop of comfort.
Children Will Listen by Parker Avenue
Jason Todd is good at extortion. He's what the adults call a snoop - nobody paid attention to the little kid with the big ears. Without even realizing, adults would hand him the keys to getting what he needed. Jason knew how to collect information, because adults found information valuable. And it was. It was free, easy to get, and easy to carry, so long as he kept his head clear and his facts straight. Jason had information Batman could use. He knew it. He had thought it over all day, sitting on that moldy couch, eating stale saltines. Batman would definitely be interested in the information Jason had.
Batman had become scary again, like the old stories Jason used to hear the goons in the area tell. Breaking bones, just barely keeping people alive. Batman didn’t kill, no, but sometimes? Sometimes living was worse, maybe.
Jason stayed crouched behind that dumpster, silent, because he simply couldn’t decide if Batman was far gone enough to make a kid wish he was dead.
(Jason Todd knows how to get what he wants, and Batman tries to lure him to safety.)
Okay I will admit, my biggest weakness is fics about street kid Jason. Slow adoption got me good. Anyways, this one isn't finished but I love the way the pacing takes its time. Co-parents Bruce and Selina is never a con either!
Stargazer by LemonadeGarden
Jason Todd is seriously injured during patrol one night, and is forced to stay at the manor to recuperate until his injuries are healed. To pass the time, he makes a list of things he never got to do before he died.
Except there's one small problem: most of them involve Bruce, and Jason doesn't really think Bruce cares all that much about him anymore.
This is a story about how wrong he is, but I made it sad anyway.
I'm sure everyone and their mother has rec'd this fic, but I'm doing it anyways because I love it deeply. If you haven't read it, this is your sign!
Glow in the Dark Stars by essspressso (stylesmakethefight)
“I’m being serious, asshat,” Jason hisses, swatting his hands away from his face. “You have to tell me what year it is.”
Nightwing crosses his arms a little petulantly. “It’s 2017. Happy?”
Jason freezes, breath catching in his throat. 2017. Five years ago. He was…he was fifteen. “Shit,” he murmurs. He’s going to eviscerate Tim.
Or: Red Hood Jason and 15-year-old Jason swap timelines, landing one week before 15-year-old Jason is supposed to die.
Time travel trope + Jason Todd's tragic ass life = amazing fics. Feelings, prepare to be felt! LOTS of Angst. You might even shed a tear. Wonderful fic!
Too Much Fucking Salt by Pez_The_Platypus
A rural housewife instinctively understood the law of quantity into quality. Add a pinch of salt to a soup and it tasted better; add one pinch too many and you ruined the batch. Jason had been in limbo for a year and a half, trusting things would get better even though everything just seemed to be getting worse. It was something small that set him off, but really, it was an accumulation of a lot of things that led to this. He was going to kill the Joker.
A one shot, but a LONG one. This one is very sad, heavy, and bittersweet. Its not Bruce or Dick "bashing", it provides a pretty well rounded and human description of them, which is to say they are not angels. Still, if you love pondering the tragedy of Jason Todd and themes of coping with trauma and the inherent grating sensation of trying to heal, this is a great fic for you.
YOU MUST KNOW LIFE TO KNOW DECAY by orpheusaki
Bruce starts, eyes glaring down at the city and unwilling to look anywhere else, especially in Jason's direction, "You always… hated the rain."
Jason's breath gets caught in his throat.
(For as long as Jason can remember, it's always been raining.)
Jason angst and character study rooted in comic-accuracy. Great short read!
This Kind of Weather by r_astra
Jason’s at school when his mom dies, and that’s the only reason any of it happens. If he’d been home, if he’d been with her, he would’ve been in the wind before anyone else even knew. Even if they looked, no one ever would’ve found him. He’d have taken to the sewers if that’s what it took, man-eating crocodile guy and all.
Yes, another Jason Todd adoption fic, one in which he does not steal the tires. I have a type and I'm limiting myself to only 2 of the many I love. This one does not have much of a focus at all on the Bat-side of things, just a story of Jason finding a home, much older than in the comics.
A Straight Blade by Sparkypants
"What happened to your face?" Bruce asks, reaching his hand for Jason's jaw. "You're bleeding."
Jason bristles, cheeks turning pink. "I cut myself shaving." He says, and wipes at the cut with the cuff of his hoody.
Damian makes a clicking noise with his tongue, "I'm amazed you haven't taken your own head off." He snarks.
Jason shoves his chair away from the table, temper flaring. "Well it's not like anyone ever taught me, is it." He hisses.
He's five years late, but Bruce finally teaches Jason how to shave.
Quick one-shot with feelings. Great little read I often find myself revisiting.
Growing Like a Breeze by WhaleofaTime
April 27th isn't anyone's favorite date, but it's somehow worse than usual today when Bruce gets his car stolen.
It's nice of Red Hood to come to his rescue.
Nicer even that Jason keeps him company afterwards.
One of those fics that explains everything about why Jason and Bruce's dynamic and relationship is so magnetic to read about. They both suck at feelings and yet make me feel SO MUCH.
#Jason Todd#DC#batfam#dc comics#fic recs#I have a lot more but i think this is enough for one post#Sarah's Bullshit#this is way more fun than all the work I'm meant to be doing right now.#please enjoy! tell me if theres one you really like bc i am always down to yell about fics!
227 notes
·
View notes
Text
my first instinct upon seeing this was to get angry and want to hit this person with hammers, but actually I want to talk about this.
this post, and I didn't even want to click in the read the rest bc it made me to sad to see, is saying that Wilson and Amber only dated for a maximum of three months, so should he really be this torn up about her loss?
So, as a grief support specialist and house fan, let's talk about it.
First and foremost, it's the depth, not the length, of a relationship that matters. Quality over quantity, all of that. Of course. But also, if we look at Amber and Wilson's relationship itself, this is kind of the first time Wilson is in a relationship that feels really good to him. Amber doesn't just want Wilson bc she needs him and needs to be put first by him, she wants him to take care of himself too. He's being challenged for the first time (in a romantic context) (canonically) to not put himself on the back burner for everyone else, but to think about what Wilson wants. House, of course, does this too, but in different ways. Which is also to say that Amber is a revelation for him because she is like House--House who is his longest and arguably only real friend, the person he trusts the most, is most able to be himself around. And now he's found this person who he can feel all that in a romantic and sexual context too.
Which is all to say that this relationship wasn't like any other three month fling he had, this one had a depth to it from the very beginning that was really important and profound to Wilson, and was changing some parts of himself in a way that was really kind of life altering, even as it was also pretty subtle in many ways to the casual viewer.
This, plus the fact that her death itself was really sudden, very traumatic, and prolonged (a couple days and many really traumatic failed attempts to save her life, including his best friend risking his life for her), really adds up to someone being profoundly affected by this loss.
But beyond this, Wilson did not only experience the loss of Amber with her death. There are losses we grieve beyond simply dying. The whole experience before finding out she was even missing and hurt, of seeing House without memory, of even for a little while thinking they may have had an affair, of watching House kill himself (literally) to bring back his memories - this portion of the situation alone is an experience of a loss of safety. He's realizing that life is random, and terrifying in a whole new way than he may have known it before. His best friend was in a bus accident. Life is random and he could have died. There is no guaranteed safety. His best friend who knows everything suddenly knows nothing. A loss of the status quo, of what he's assumed is the way things are. he's watching his best friend go to extreme lengths in order to capture his memories. he's watching his best friend fucking die on a bus floor as he tries to revive him with his boss. Loss of control, loss of the norm, loss of the future they could have had if none of this happened.
THEN.!! He's made aware that Amber was involved in all of this. And we don't know where she is or how she's doing. He's now been introduced to ambiguous loss (which he has experienced at great length with his brother who went missing, and is now experiencing again). Now they have to find Amber. Okay and now they've found her and she's in a coma and really on the brink of death. And this too is an ambiguous loss of another variety. He's experiencing both sides of ambiguous loss about Amber back to back (1. Physical absence and psychological presence (ex. someone missing/estranged) 2. Physical presence and psychological absence (ex. parent w dementia, someone in a coma))
He then has to skip over the grieving part and jump into problem solving and trying to keep her alive. and then his boy best friend has to risk his life for amber and wilson and almost die. And then Wilson has to realize that now, his kind of technically-alive-but-not girlfriend, he has to let her go. And she's woken up and he has mere moments to say his goodbyes and I love you's.
And ALL OF THAT is just the loss itself.
Then he is "grieving" or "mourning" in the way that is generally understood by the average person. If you ask the average person (esp in the US) what grief is, they'd usually point to this--after someone dies when you're sad--and none of the many paragraphs of grief and loss grappling I wrote about just before that.
The average bereavement leave is 3 days. Grief will invariably last more than three days. The amount of time we see Wilson grieving is frankly, really fucking regular. Even for a death less fraught and traumatic (subjectively) than this one.
Besides all of this, there are a number of different grief styles, and I think that Wilson's grief style is that of the Intuitive, or Heart, Griever (isn't that just perfect? I wonder if the writers knew that when they named the episode Wilson's Heart...).
This type of griever is more overtly emotional than the Intellectual, or Head, Griever (the other 2 styles are the Blended, or Head & Heart Griever, and the Dissonant, or Head vs Heart Griever). But is again, really common! Perhaps the asker of this original Reddit question is a head griever, or a dissonant griever, or perhaps even someone who has never yet had to grieve, and has only been fed the myths about grief, and they're trying to make sense of such a large grief.
There is no right way to grieve, there is no correct length of time that that grieving should last. There's no correct amount of time you are allowed to know someone before you grieve their death or pain. The way you grieve is the way you need to grieve, you simply have to try to honor it.
(I don't have a reddit so I can't respond to this directly, but feel free to link this in the responses to the post itself if you feel so inclined)
#long post#sorry. 2 special interests collide.#house#text post#house md#gregory house#james wilson#my post#wilson#amber#amber volakis#wilsonamber#amberwilson#wilson's heart#danny wilson#grief#loss#media analysis
59 notes
·
View notes
Text
Saints Row and in particular Saints Row 1 and Saints Row 2 had enormous impact on me and have an irreplaceable spot in my development and history. one of my biggest tattoos is a Saints Row tribute. the franchise shaped a lot of my teen and young adult years. i know for a lot of people it was the goofy comedy series but it mattered to me profoundly.
It has been a long time since any of the people who were heading those games have worked at Volition, but knowing how the company was treated over the years, having it suddenly tossed into the gutter like this is crushing. hundreds of good people losing their jobs because their parent company was scrambling to recoup costs from a shitty failed business decision.
it's unfair. all of the entertainment industry is brutal, but video games are a fucking machine made to chew people up and spit them out again like disposable tokens, only good for extracting as much monetary value as possible. you release one game that performs just ok, not great but not terrible, but because you didnt meet the impossible imaginary goalposts of people who frankly know nothing about your company or your work outside of numbers on a screen, thirty years of history is just gone. like that.
how fucking miserable. Volition had such a rough fucking deal the last ten years, bouncing from one parent company to another and still, somehow, being expected to produce games in that. and they fucking did, too. i still remember the devs of saints row the third and iv talking about how they were making saints row the third not knowing if their parent company was going to live long enough to see it be released. how saints row iv was the way it was because they were under such time and money constraints that the budget didnt exist to do what theyd dreamed of.
it's horrible. and i can't help but wonder what's going to become of idolninja's pc patch as well. just rot in embracer's archives somewhere? what a fucking waste of a mans legacy.
It's all so fucking brutally sad and unnecessary. Volition were entering a new era, they could have done so much more. i can only hope that the hundreds of people let go can find new jobs soon, since embracer group also stiffed them on medical insurance as a final fuck you.
just furious and heartbroken for the games i loved and, more importantly, the people who were horribly fucked over by the evils of corporate greed yet again. fuck embracer, fuck the video game industry.
146 notes
·
View notes
Text
it is time for. NOT a tng update. but a ds9 update!!! wednesday* we watched "emissary" and actually i'm not clear on if we watched both parts or just one since my website is wonky but either way whatever we watched FUCKING RULED. i'm dispensing w the normal bullet points so i can ramble as much as i want
*it was last night actually but it took me all day to type this up so i'm scheduling it to go up later. it got looooong lol
the first most striking thing i noticed about ds9, or at least the first half of what we watched, is that it FEELS like a video game. someone tell me if this is insane. you're playing as sisko. you get flashbacks of his backstory, you get thrown into this starbase that's in shambles and it's Your Job to fix it up. you go around meeting all the secondary characters who will be in charge of this or that gameplay aspect or upgrade system or shop: kira, o'brien, quark, odo, jadzia, julian, etc. the FOLEY in this was insane. all the noise in the back CONSTANTLY suggested a lively and whole universe outside of our direct line of focus - it felt so alive in the way not even the enterprise in tos did. i could picture myself in the opening gameplay/cutscene like slowly walking my character through what will become a hub area that i gradually upgrade over time while kira or o'brien narrates the list of problems. you're starting at the bottom rung and expected to fail, but you can FEEL the potential even in just one brief walk through the promenade. IS THIS INSANE? it feels like an insane thing to say. someone PLEASE write in if you have ever had similar feelings. if they haven't made a ds9 game yet, they should.
i also notice that not only is the quality of the ds9 episodes worse than that of tng and tos - no one has remastered them into 1080p, apparently - but the lighting is very different, as well. it felt WEIRD to see picard and the enterprise D shot this way. but it also lends, perhaps unintentionally, perhaps not, a really gritty atmosphere to what is normally a very clean universe. i guess since we mostly see it from the inside of starships, it would feel like a sterile place to us, but you know how everyone always compliments star wars on how lived-in it feels? the buttons are wearing, sand is stuck in their fancy thingamajigs, etc? this was how ds9 felt to me.
okay. the characters. let's fucking get into it. what's so fun about ds9 in general is that in all other trek shows i have picked out my specialest little guy in 5 seconds flat. tos was spock EASILY. tng i knew it was data before i started. i already know seven's gonna be my favorite voyager character, but i have NO IDEA!!! who my precious little baby in ds9 will be. what a fun surprise for everyone involved. if anybody wants to place bets go ahead.
like, i thought tng had a pretty solid lineup (hence my eternal frustration with its wasted potential) but they're not anywhere as eclectic as ds9's core cast. iirc, sisko and o'brien are the ONLY humans who for once are outnumbered by trek's cool aliens. i'm saving sisko for last because that was the part of ds9 that touched me most profoundly, but for o'brien - it was a little sad to see him leave the enterprise, because picard was right, it WON'T feel the same without him, but i'm really excited to see why everybody says he suffers more than jesus and to find out if the eyepatch is a permanent thing or if it's just mirrorverse fuckery. either way, i win. like, o'brien is cool, and i always miss him when i don't see him in tng, and i'll continue to miss him in tng from here on out, but he could never shine in that show. it's too stiff and too reluctant to put its characters through any real development. it's a shame they can't ALL move to ds9, tbh.
the next person we met was kira, who was WONDERFUL. it took me a minute to warm up to her, not because there was anything wrong with her, but because i figured at first glance she was ds9's version of ro laren, the obligatory bajoran cast member to connect us with the bajoran/cardassian plot - which would of course be good because ro is awesome, but it's not necessarily anything new and i already love ro. BUT I WAS WRONG! kira's personality is very distinct from ro's; really the only thing they have in common is not liking cardassians which lmao Yeah. my favorite thing about kira is that she smiles when she's upset or angry. that's Such an acting choic, to have her grinning at the cardassians when she's almost certain they're about to blow her whole space station to smithereens. all love light and respect to ro laren my beloved, but i think i actually like kira BETTER.
odo: WHAT is that thing he can do oh my god...is this a changeling?? i got that result in a star trek quiz once. i really loved when he snuck aboard the enemy ship posing as a bag to hold gambling winnings. i was like oh they showed us the bag to show us it will get stolen soon BUT NO it was odo!!!!!!! such a fun surprise. the exposition on his backstory was a little slapdash but i enjoyed it all the same, i cannot wait to learn more
i was most nervous to meet quark because i hate hate HATE the ferengi in tng, but he was actually so entertaining! like, you're never gonna be able to entirely remove the antisemetic undertones from the ferengi as a whole, but he was smart, practical, and endearingly longsuffering. i love his wryness and deadpan humor. i have a feeling he is gonna be so much fun to torture lovingly.
meeting julian bashir felt like meeting a famous person. for the longest time all i knew about ds9 was that cardassian guy wanted to FUCK that gay little doctor, so it was a little hilarious that in his first scene he was asking a woman* out on a date. sir do you not know you're gay?? even funnier was the fact that out of everybody in the pilot he had the least lines. we barely know him, but we finally met him. relatedly, i can't to wait to meet more cardassians, especially The cardassian. so far, they're still all gay.
*jadzia!!! gnc/trans queen! the trill stuff is SO interesting and watching that worm slither in and out of people during those flashbacks was so wonderful but also made me wince. i love that she used to be an old man and the jokes about it are actually really funny without feeling transphobic or anything SO FAR. who knows if that changes. i feel like we haven't gotten much yet from her either but i cannot wait.
SISKO. damn. where do i even...first of all, he should be allowed to bite kick kill picard. i say this as someone who experienced a genuine THRILL of pleasure upon seeing picard's borged self again. i loved that whole thing, i'm obsessed with the borg. that it comes back in this small way in ds9, and has such a HUGE impact on the storyline, was so so so fucking good. i always say tng tells and not shows, but even after just knowing sisko for a few moments i felt keenly how much it devastated to find his wife like that and THAT WAS JUST FROM THE FIRST SCENE. and it only gets better! he's a great dad. he's FUNNY. he is not above manual labor. he wants to tear picard limb from limb. and he exists HERE.
the wormhole alien sequence was. so good. it was SO GOOD. explaining linear time to aliens. the aliens using his memories to talk to him. HE EXISTS HERE. back and back and BACK to finding his wife in the rubble because HE EXISTS HERE. he CHOOSES to exist here. he existed there when he applied for a transfer to earth. he existed there when he confronted picard. he never left the ship because HE NEVER LEFT THE SHIP. they dragged him out but they COULDN'T DRAG HIM OUT. he exists here because he won't leave her to exist here alone because damn it we can't just leave her here. that was the most insane series of events i ever watched. like, because at first you DO think it's the aliens taking him back there BUT IT'S HIM. HE IS DOING IT TO HIMSELF. when the penny dropped i got literal chill bumps and when the aliens said "it's not linear" and he, openly weeping, replied "it's NOT linear," i genuinely, truly, shed a tear along with him. TNG COULD NEVER. none of those miserable fucks EVER cry!!! sisko did it in the god damn pilot!!!!!!!
and like, the fact that he can choose to stay at the space station at the end, to shake picard's hand, to exist SOMEWHERE ELSE. AAAAAUGHGHGHG
i really loved the final confrontation, too. kira is so so so so good, again, i LOVE that she smiles when she's angry, when she's sad, and it's not a fake smile, it's genuine and honest emotion, and she's genuinely and honestly going to start eating the cardassians for sport if they don't leave her alone. it was very scrappy, them pretending to be bigger and badder than they actually were because they had no other choice. you get the feeling everybody on the station and indeed the station itself is barely holding together, and what little togetherness is present comes from sheer spite.
anyway, absolutely 10/10. i was so worried ds9 wouldn't be good but it not only met my most furtive hopes it surpassed them with flying colors. it's gonna be REAL hard to go back to tng after this.
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
The way that Mr Satan, at such a time of acute crisis, was able to see the good in Majin Buu ... really makes me think.
At first, to be honest, it's a little unnerving the way he quickly adapts to the domestic life of cooking and bathing with Majin Buu. Like, you know that a lot of people are still dead, right? So what is this? Are you just going to live like this forever? What's the plan for tomorrow? The day after? It feels a bit like stockholm syndrome, it feels like denial - just the way that the situation is SO grave and SO dangerous, but like a desperate child, he clings to and perhaps exaggerates what little good there is. Is this his having a sensitive heart and being perceptive? Is this the best way to go? Or is he being delusional? Why is he so quick to throw his heart mind and soul into this, even when his fear for Majin Buu is still evident? Is doesn't seem smart. But I guess this isn't about being smart, but about surviving.
Alternatively, times of crisis can pull to the forefront a person's deepest and most influential foundation, so perhaps Mr Satan really does just have the biggest heart out of anyone here.
This really is profoundly stressful for him. Later on he rationalizes that this is all just a dream, clearly. Fucked up beyond measure.
Later, though, when Kid Buu spits the first Majin Buu out, Mr Satan runs over to him and is distraught to see him so close to death. He comments, in tears, that Buu was just too good for a world like this.
The sheer amount of feeling and importance that Mr Satan has wrapped up in this perception made something click for me. I think that Mr Satan sees himself in Majin Buu, and that's why things went the way they did.
Here was the scene - one World Champion, the ultimate Good, VS the biggest assailant the Earth has yet to see, the ultimate Bad. In that way, they are matched in (assumed, perceived) gravity.
Mr Satan is like King Leo the Lion, the biggest figurehead, the loudest show pony; and wherever there is such a loud ego, there is something small underneath. He can be brash, he can be cocky, he can be judgemental, he constantly discredits others to keep himself on top - because on the inside he is fragile, and he cares too much, and he really does love helping people, and he does love being important, and he does want to be loved. He has to keep himself on top so that he can keep being loved unconditonally.
It seems to me that on the inside he's just a sad and lonely little boy who wants to feel important. So he puts on a huge show, and that tends to drive away authentic connection, but he gets to be seen. And hes in it too deep now, by reputation and lifelong habit. But he's really not that vapid inside, not really. He loves his daughter and later on his granddaughter so damn much, and he's perfectly capable of carrying around a crushing amount of care and love.
Love can be a tango of vulnerability and strength, and Mr Satan's relationship with both is definitely spotty, but again, he was strong (or dumb) enough to extend compassion to Majin Buu just based off of how little good he had seen.
I think that he saw something familiar in Majin Buu: somebody whose shadow far preceded him, somebody with strength that bested all competition, somebody loud and known and kingly - and somebody deeply misunderstood. Somebody who was just misguided. Somebody who had the capacity for gentle sweetness, somebody who was just a kid inside, somebody who just needed a friend.
I don't think that Mr Satan was aware of the personal resonance, but I think it was there. And even when the end of the world was impending, Mr Satan couldn't turn a blind eye to what made the most sense to him.
I think that Mayor Dewey from Steven's Universe is very similar to Mr Satan in this way which is why they should get married and be husbands
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
hotd ao3 recs that make me slightly feral
it’s finally here!!! i will potentially be adding to this in the future so keep an eye out <3 also this may not stick only to hotd and extend to the wider asoiaf world.
baby teeth by zoe_millin_writes
aemond x helaena. incredibly written aemond character analysis. chapters are from aemond’s pov throughout his childhood and into his adulthood and his trauma surrounding sex, his parents, his injury etc etc is so incredibly and profoundly done. i don’t think i’ve read anything more beautiful and intense. there is also one helaena pov and my god is it so amazingly written. the characterisation and details are out of this world. definitely read all the warnings because it is very intense and potentially triggering. the exploration of aemond’s relationship with religion and by extension his mother and sister is done so well and genuinely what kept me tied to this fic.
see, what had happened was… by daylander
aemond x rhaena. from rhaena’s pov. i can’t remember it all as vividly as i should because i read it a while ago but god is it a delight. it’s funny, sad, amusing, entertaining & overall just so incredible. there is so much about rhaena’s experience living without her sister for so long on dragonstone and how it impacts her relationship with baela. so much about her relationship with daemon and by extension the velaryon/targaryen relations. just so so great. the scenes with rhaena and aemond are just.. chef’s kiss. they’re my favourite chaotic childhood friends to… whatever they are LMAO
spring’s end by navree
oneshot (9k words) from alicent’s pov about the lead-up to her wedding to viserys. made me wince more than a few times just because she deserved so much better :( the way her relationships with rhaenyra, her father, viserys & even criston (although brief) are shown is so beautiful and haunting to me.
would that they were not by navree
i fucking cried. a oneshot (7k words) about the fateful encounter with blood and cheese. so beautifully written and the relationships between the kids, alicent, cole and otto are described so heartbreakingly.
in your grave by 136108
This is the thing you married, the voice in the back of her head whispered gleefully. You saw its pretty smile and its dainty hands and so you dragged it into your bed and upon your cock and trusted that it could never hurt you. You bred it like a bitch and you promised to cut out its tongue and all this time you should have been worried about its teeth. But you did not and now it will leech your throne and your legacy and its pretty mouth will swallow the House of the dragon whole.
SO FUCKING CATHARTIC!!! we deserved vengeful evil alicent and i’m forever mad we didn’t get her… season 2 will be her moment trust. this is a short yet incredibly impactful piece about alicent visiting viserys on his death bed. amazingly written and the most satisfying thing ever.
5 times alicent and criston almost kissed and the 1 time they almost didn’t by gracelesson
I FUCKING CRIED!!!!!!!!!!!! most healing comforting beautiful thing ive read in a while oh my god op is crazy talented i’m in awe. the way s/a, marriage, sexuality & growing up were handled here were literally incredible and i cant even begin to express how much i love this. this is a modern au and it’s probably very different from whatever you’re expecting. i adore the dynamics shown between alicent, cole & her children ugh i swear i feel giddy all over. beautiful.
my hand was the one you reached for by nuncasais
literally the best. snapshots of alicent, criston, and her kids’ lives at the keep during the time jump. i love these types of fics that cover unseen periods of time — the detail and thought gone into each chapter is incredible and so so meticulous. chapters are from either criston or alicent’s pov’s. beware u might (definitely) cry.
#recs#hotd#hotd fic recs#ao3#ao3 recs#aemond targaryen#team green#alicent hightower#helaena targaryen#aegon ii targaryen#criston cole#guess my favourite characters challenge (extremely hard)
47 notes
·
View notes
Text
OTH Rewatch Review 3x07
IIIIIII DON'T WANNA BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYNA BE LATELYYYYYYYYY
Jesus Christ
So, like, here's the thing about this fucking Inception dream sequence. What is happening? Is Nathan dreaming about Haley making out with Brooke after waking up from a nightmare about Lucas and Chris in bed together after Lucas woke up from dreaming about being in bed with Brooke? Because it's a dream within within a dream. I don't know what your subconscious is like Nathan.
Nathan's grin. I mean, technically you've slept with both of them. AND HALEY'S SISTER.
"What is she doing talking to that troll?" "By troll do you mean Peyton?" Oh, Haley. How I love you sometimes.
Because Peyton fucking SUCKS.
"I'm over possessive-best-friends-with-weird-lesbian energy. And Haley!" That was actually a good delivery but if anyone has the lesbian energy here, it's Brooke and Rachel.
"Well, at least somebody wanted me." Oh, preteen Zal was SO frustrated with this ENTIRE storyline.
"HALEY, YOUR BOYFRIENDS ARE HERE." lol.
"You look so..." "Overdressed." Good delivery. But also Haley, my girl, the SUN is out, why are you wearing a little black dress?
I mean "little black dress" this is still OTH.
They really felt uncomfortable in the clothes they had to wear??
This is so dumb, she's clearly going out with Nathan and Haley too, Lucas.
YOU ALL HAVE CELL PHONES. CALL HER.
Ugh, Skills.
"I've been on kinky dates before..." with who? I guess s1 Nathan would've done something weird.
Remember how s1 Nathan was like a legit emotionally, verbally abusive villain?
"Let's spring [the senior in the nursing home]! It's just a couple of hours, what harm could it do?" If this was a dark comedy, he'd die.
Chris tipping a random woman on the beach and slapping her ass is just ... ugh. She should've slapped him. Alas, Mark Schwahn.
Haley having a quiet but profound breakdown. Brooke, "It's OK. Let's just go to the mall." And she is being helpful and it is very sweet but that's also hilarious. Uhhh, sorry that your wedding spot is being destroyed, let's just go to the mall instead. You know? Nothing profoundly sad happens at the mall.
"I can't believe she's doing this." IT WAS A GROUP DATE, LUCAS.
"This guy has caused a lot of trouble, Brooke knows that." Lucas, the people that he caused trouble between WERE WITH HER GETTING INTO THE CAR. YOU SAW THEM.
I swear to god Lucas, I would hit you. SHUT UP.
24. Braley are such better friends than Breyton.
25. I REALLY wish we got more Nathan and Brooke scenes because they had a really fun chemistry together and I liked that they were both being courted by Haley and Lucas and they could both understand where the other was coming from
26. Haley's laugh at Chris saying "Maybe he's afraid of me" is hilarious because she stops and continues. But Chris shutting her up with "Maybe he doesn't care anymore" was mean but well-played.
27. It's funny how Chris Keller is a better Damon than Damon. Because he's not a good actor but he doesn't overplay it.
28. Aww, jealous Nathan
29. James Lafferty's shoulders are quite broad this episode.
30. Nathan is vulnerable and you were practically giving the enemy a LAP DANCE. I mean she wasn't Brooke but the exaggeration is very Brooke and also very high school. I remember in high school we were at a school dance and this girl's boyfriend was getting jumped outside while she was dancing with another guy and all of us girls were like WHAT THE FUCK??? [INSERT NAME] IS GETTING JUMPED AND YOU WERE BASICALLY HAVING SEX ON THE DANCE FLOOR! What did we expect her to do? Get jumped with him?? Teenagers.
31. "I didn't do anything!" "Except for kiss Chris and run away with him?" I mean, she's got a point Haley. "What about you messing with Lucas and hiding all those letters you wrote to him under your bed?" I mean, she's got a point Brooke.
32. "I know this is where we made love in the rain." I mean, it wasn't ON the balcony though. It should've been.
33. "I still feel our past just like you do" well especially considering that you were the one who was left.
34. Rachel calling Lucas gay because he's CLEARLY into Brooke and is like please stop getting naked around me because I LOVE BROOKE is hilarious because what?
35. Chris also getting Brooke more and more drunk so they can have sex is incredibly gross.
36. "All of the celebrity..." she had ONE original song and was doing covers and opening for actual celebrities? WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE?
37. We could also talk about the fact that Nathan was the one who encouraged her to sing in front of people etc. etc. and she wouldn't have been a "star" without him in her life at all.
38. Mouth's reveal that Mel is his grandfather is ... OK? I know this is supposed to push Peyton to Ellie but meh.
39. "SHE NOTEBOOKED YOU?" "I totally Notebooked him" lmao these references.
40. Nathan keeping a flower from the beach is Lucas keeping a feather from Brooke's wings.
41. *SIGH* Brooke and Chris. What, it takes like two more episodes for them to be together?
42. I also absolutely do not believe that Brooke wouldn't have kicked Chris out of the house right after sleeping with him. She'd be disgusted.
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
Two issues:
1. I decided that I didn't want to join the family Christmas gathering this year because I hate how my brother in law (second oldest sister partner) made me feel beneath him, etc. The Christmas gathering is going to be at their house and so I definitely am content in not planning to attend. However, my sisters and twin found out ans and are asking me why and to please reconsider, "what about your nephews and nieces"? I hate that they're using them because they know I love my niblings.
I will never tell them about my brother law because it's obvious and fuck that. You celebrate it with your family, I'll celebrate it alone at home.
If anything, I'll just go drop off the Christmas presents over there.
I just want to spend my Christmas day not feeling overlooked, unimportant, disregarded, and look down upon. That's all.
It'll be a lonely one, but I intend to spend it being grateful about it.
2. I decided on getting counseling. Just to give it a chance and hopefully it helps in any small but positive way. However, when I told my family about it because I couldn't accommodate them on certain days, they started asking and stating really insensitive questions or sentences: "why are you sad", "why don't you just stop being sad", "you shouldn't be sad", etc. It's so internally frustrating dealing with that.
Despite that, I've been approved at 4 sessions of counseling. I'm in the process of finding a place to attend. They will email choices. I'm super anxious because I've never had therapy before, but these last couple of weeks or so have been one of the heaviest and saddest moments of my life. Although, I feel profoundly better now, I still feel myself grieving and I need to try to give counseling a shot. I'm hoping counseling includes coping mechanics, reaffirmation tactics, or just talking it out. At least then I'll know if counseling is for me or not.
SIGH. Lunch is over.
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
a real thing that happened in the bergsberg police department's main lobby while dirk and bart were having their holisticness conversation in the holding cell
farah: so, how are you doing? *half-joking* not injured or anything?
todd: nah, i've had it worse before—
tina, in the background, banging something hard against something metallic: out! all of you, get outta here!
todd, skipping an embarrassed beat: …i, uh— i'm sorry i kissed your girlfriend, right in front of you. last night.
he and farah stare at each other for a split moment, eyes widening with recollection.
cut to flashback:
farah, considerably drunk, face and body covered moderately in blue glitter, wearing todd's shirt, and grabbing at his shoulders in excitement: todd! todd, actually, you're such a worse kisser than tina!
todd, about the same level of drunk, glitter-less and shirt-less, baffled and laughing loudly: hey, it's unfair! you're a lesbian, you're biased!
tina, drunk above her baseline level, heavily covered in blue glitter, appearing out of nowhere to wrap an arm around todd's shoulders just as farah lets them go: nah, it's true, honest fucking truth, dude! i've got unparalleled skill!
todd, turning to face tina and shoving at her, teasingly: yeah, girl? yeah?
tina, shoving back at him with too much force and glee: yeah, man! yeah!
todd: prove it, then! *grabs at her shirt and pulls her into a kiss*
they proceed to make out in the most impolite of fashions, todd growing increasingly more be-glittered; beside them, farah throws her hands in the air and shrieks with uncontainable joy.
cut back from flashback.
farah, still a little bit out of it: ah, it's— it's alright, really, todd, honestly, it's— *a belated wave of realization hits her face* wait, girlfriend? it's... ah, no, it's not... not like this... *her expression goes through five stages of grief simultaneously, and she buries it in her hands, mumbling for a minute or two. then she snaps up, attemtpting (and failing) to shift the topic of conversation* so, hm. you and tina made out(?) *it's a weird pitch of voice, not a question but not not a question*
todd, awkwardly half-laughing: yeah, hah, i think i made out with more people yesterday than i ever did in my life before.
an uncomfortable beat passes.
todd: so... are you and tina?...
farah: no. *she shakes her head, and looks openly, earnestly sad.* no, not really. and, um, you and dirk?
todd winces, and for a moment appears deeply, profoundly upset, before schooling his face into a lighthearted smile: nah, no more than me and tina.
farah nods; then internally deliberates over something.
farah: you want your shirt back?
todd, bumping her shoulder with a smile: no, keep it.
farah, bumping back, teasing: what, your clothes look good on me?
todd groans.
#dghda#dghda headcanon#dirk gently's holistic detective agency (tv 2016)#writing#(i think??)#todd brotzman#farah black#tina tevetino#farina#brotzly#and techically todd/tina but 1) i dont know the ship name 2) i dont ship them 3) they're not quite experiencing Romance here#they're just two friends making out at a party for fun#todd×dirk and farah×tina are experiencing Lethal doses of gay romance though#and todd & farah aren't romantically together but they have a Weird Queer Thing going on <3#vika's personal dghda tag#vikarambles#dghda fanfic
65 notes
·
View notes
Text
i feel absolutely sick to my stomach everytime i rmbr when my friend texted me from the bathroom of her 24yr old boyfriend. we were 12. she was nervous bc they were gnna have sex nd it was her first time, so we texted for a while. even if i was disapproving i comforted her bc i couldnt bring myself to be cruel to her in that moment. in hindsight im so sad bc out of all our friends, she texted me. i was against that relationship the whole time and i never hid it from her. yet i was the one she came to for comfort. i often feel bad for being so mean to her, bc when she first got into that relationship and she talked abt it i always told her how bad and wrong and disgusting that was. i always talked shit abt her bf (abuser nd rapist rlly) and ridiculed him. i knew it made her sad but i didnt care.
she moved away nd then we met up one time at 17, and she thanked me for being so vehemently and openly against that relationship. she told me i was the only one around her who had protested and told her it was wrong. even her own parents had been fine with a 24yr old man being romantically and sexually involved w their 12yr old daughter. (he was a friend to their family btw). she told me that she had become against age gaps now and said she didnt understand how she could've let herself do that. it makes me so sad bc she was a child. her parents should've protected her but no one protected her. i was a child too so i couldnt do anything more than tell her it was wrong. i always thought it was fucked up, but now when im 25.... i realize how truly fucked up it is to be attracted to a fkn 12yr old. like just 18yr olds are children to me. 12 is like a fkn baby. so gross. so sad that hundred thousands millions probably of teenage girls are being preyed upon by gross men and nobody gives a fuck. nobody does anything.
if im being honest i think most ppl even think it's normal and ok. and i mean they can do it openly too, no police involvment, their friends dont care, parents dont care. nobody cares. so sad and so fucked up. my heart breaks for all these girls, most of them wont even know it's bad until they're adults. but many of them will never recognize the damage it's done on them. my old friend still lives w that and from the looks of it, it has affected her profoundly. while that disgusting man just moves on swiftly w his life without a single care in the world. he prob still preys on young girls. fucked up disgusting humanity that allows this. nd i mean it's so dejecting that it IS normalized nd most ppl dont care. we see famous teenage girl being preyed upon by adult male celebs and ppl only romantacize it and support it. it's awful but this is what humanity is: depraved filthy and abusive.
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Dissonance and Debauchery: The Drama of an Ill-Fated Bard- Chapter 20
New chapter in the Astarion x Tav fic! In which Zynatheri has a bad case of the morbs, and Astarion happily plays the devil on her shoulder. Sometimes you don't need to be cheered up. Sometimes you just need to be sad as indulgently as possible.
...
Zyn took one last look at the night sky, eyes scanning the glittering lights that rippled across the canvas of darkness. A beautiful vista. So vast and mysterious, full of worlds and wonders never beheld by the ignorant creatures of Toril. Somewhere, out among those pinprick lights that chased the moon across the teeming sky, where spelljammers and astral ships moored, githyanki were fucking.
Just up there in the sky somewhere, going at it, all snarling and writhing, insulting each other. They wouldn’t just have sex, though, it would be a fight for dominance. Claws and teeth and maybe some insults. Dick-biting. If you–
Wyll’s abrupt, coughing laugh interrupted her mental tangent, Zyn’s head whipping around as he bent forward. Utterly lost, she stared at him, surprised by the vehemence of his laughter. She usually knew when she’d made a joke.
Zyn was actually very good at them, but, “what did I say?”
“I’ve…never felt your mind before,” Wyll admitted, straightening up with a broad grin still on his face. “That was beautiful…until the last bit there, obviously. Truly, to be in the mind of a bard is a lyrical experience.”
Oh gods.
Feeling violated, but tamping it down because she didn’t know why she’d done that, Zyn stared at Wyll in fear. This was her fault, and she’d done it. She tried to push back the dismay quickly, glancing away, but she knew he’d seen it.
“I'm not upset with you, I just don't like that.”
“Haven’t you figured out how to do it on purpose by now? I apologize. If I’d known it was accidental I wouldn’t have said anything.”
Shit. She’d just been ignoring it, erasing it from the narrative because it made her so profoundly uncomfortable, but she couldn’t any more. They were in each other’s heads.
The sheer violation of it made her skin crawl.
Zyn needed to know how bad it was. “You all mentioned it…happening before, like it was normal. But eventually you stopped talking about it, and…well, it’s only happened to me once, with Lae’zel, and it scared the shit out of me. You really do it all the time?”
“On purpose? Some of us more than others. It can be useful,” Wyll said, red eye peering down at her as he tilted his head. “I’d assumed you had stronger walls ‘round your mind than the rest of us.”
“I do. I don’t like things in my head,” she said, grimacing. “When you play tricks on other people you don’t want them to be played on you!” And she knew people who scried, of course. And read minds. Gods, if only she could afford an anti-scrying amulet– well, maybe this unwanted venture would yield some benefits.
If she didn’t die.
“Well, I hope that I didn’t make you uncomfortable, and it was nice to see you open up a little.”
Zyn stared at him in frank disbelief.
Wyll's eyes crinkled as he turned to face her, leaning down a little. “What?”
“How are you this good in so many ways? Aren’t you exhausted? I would be! I accidentally think…and sorry by the way, for that mental image of Lae’zel and that Voss person having sex.”
Wyll folded his arms. “Why was that your choice, I wonder?”
“I don’t know a lot of githyanki?” she replied, shrugging at his understanding nod. “But seriously, what is wrong with you? Genuinely. It has to be something really bad. Like eating babies.”
“Are you lobbing accusations at Gale’s cooking?"
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#Astarion x Tav#Tav: Zynatheri Rivati#bg3 fanfiction#Wyll Ravengard#I was waffling on the big reveal at the end#but decided to just go for it
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
punishing people for mildly problematic things they did/said at 18/19 is weird. people over 21, look back at who you were at 18/19 and tell me honestly that you didn’t do weird, mildly problematic shit. i sure as fuck did.
i initiated screaming matches with my family over the mildest of issues. i made really off-putting jokes. i was insanely, outwardly fatphobic due to my own internalized self-hatred and fatphobia. i had a white savior complex. i did tons of dumb shit and had tons of problematic, uninformed opinions. i was angry and sad and mean like all the time because i was lonely and hurt because i felt like all my friends moved on without me and i was insanely insecure and misguided. just like most 18/19 year olds are!!
holding people “accountable” for bad takes they had years ago when they were 18/19 is wild. even at 21, a mere two years after that period of my life, i am so profoundly different from how i was at 18/19. i’m not gonna say i’m a completely different person, because that would be a lie (i can still be just as sensitive and sad and angsty), but i’m certainly more well-informed, better at coping with my own emotions, better at checking myself, much less hateful and spiteful towards myself and others, etc. i’ve grown a lot in the span of two, almost three, years… so, it’s wild to me that people expect that someone over 25 would be exactly like they were at 18/19; holding all the same opinions, acting the exact same way they did back that, and standing behind those past actions even to this day.
again, i’m only two years removed from being nineteen, and i look back on the shit i did and said back then and i cringe. i certainly don’t stand behind everything i did and said. i’m not proud of a lot of the shit i did back then. but that’s a part of life, that shows growth. it’s incredibly ignorant and unfair to assume that other people aren’t capable of such personal growth.
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
I listened to the entire 1d catalogue so you dont have to. below I have ranked the albums on a scale of 0-5, with a total possible score of 25.* these albums are ranked on a curve, so that a 5 is not an "objective" 5, but rather a 5 in relation to the rest of the corpus.
*extra points may occur
up all night: if I hadn't been in my tragic backstory era when this came out id have been a 1d girlie. I firmly believe this. this wall to wall slaps. there was one point in "one thing" where I thought he was gonna say youve got... pussy. anyway he didn't say that. there are some PROFOUNDLY 2011 synth moments in this. best lyric: all of what makes you beautiful. I DO want to stay up all night!!!! 4.5/5
take me home: getting a little more risqué -- we are "[taking] it all the way". whoa! in addition to expressing lust there's more themes of jealousy, as well as genuine tenderness. aurally more diverse than their debut. best lyric: I can't compete with your boyfriend cuz he's got 27 TATTOOOOOS. so specific... 3.7/5
midnight memories: my favorite 1d song is on this album which is the story of my life which is genuinely so beautiful and moving. just a really lovely timeless song. best lyric is actually the concept of best song ever, which is not in fact the best song ever, but merely a description of the experience of listening to the best song ever. 4/5
4: as mc pointed out this album shares a title with beyonces best album. I will say that I was confused because there are five members of one direction, until I realized 4 is in fact about the number that the album is and not the number of lads present. anyway. this is genuinely a fantastic album. steal my girl is the platonic ideal of a pop song. girl almighty is just fucking GOOD. i fucking love it. its dynamic and genuine and fucking bops above all. night changes. night changes. night changes. night changes. the nostalgia it conjures, and I never even ate spaghetti with Zayn. no control is WONDERFUL vibe wise. and the whole album SOUNDS so 2014. this album really is freshman year of college. act my age is just fucking wonderful, an anthem (and sorry but the comparison must be made -- better than when I'm 64). 6/5. boy bands at their peak. pop at its peak. you don't get better than this album
made in the am: I was GUTTED to see Zayn is not on this album, but good for him. I wish he'd make more solo music bc his first album slapped but I understand that hes busy being a dilf these days. still. I said you don't get better than 4, but you do, and it's made in the am. its still got that boy band pep but it's branching out into actual vibes. I am so sad retroactively that they broke up bc 4 and made in the am are IT. 10/5. pop album of all time
overall rating: 28.2/25. A+
reflections: 1d is so unpretentious. obviously that's the point of a boyband in a lot of ways, but it's just refreshing to hear something uncomplicated and there's no bad words and nothing but these curated, shimmering performances of emotion. and each one of these emotions lasts about 3 minutes and 35 seconds. its perfectly contained! I love these songs also because by the second chorus you already know all the words and the tune which is PRIME sing along material. I do think its interesting how curated the album covers are. they are having such an insanely good time in them because if they don't have a good time they're not going to get to get their daily ration of tesco brand digestive cookies. its so easy to be a hater on this cold bitch of an earth but one of my fave concert experiences really was in the year 2021 screaming the lyrics to what makes you beautiful with harry "its like a movie that's a movie" styles. I loved this experience and all the new bops I found. I foresee them to be the perfect antidote for dissociating on my morning commute.
64 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
betterdaysareatoenailaway
BETTER DAYS ARE A TOENAIL AWAY
superfortunemodularfurnitureme
Untitled
underworldunderthecover
an underworld under the cover
smile677
제목 없음