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watchmegetobsessed · 3 years

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TO LOVE AND BE LOVED - Part Four (Harry Styles)

a/n: happy TLABL day!! can’t believe we are already on part 4! im not sure if part 5 will be the last part, im still very much writing the rest so we’ll see! thank you so much for all the love you’ve been showing the series, i love reading your reactions! feedback is very much appreciated this time as well!

pairing: CEO!Dad!Harry X Reader

warning: mentions of death, cheating and divorce

word count: 11k

SERIES MASTERPOST masterlist

You wake up feeling like you’ve been hit by a truck or at least consumed a whole bottle of tequila. Your head is pounding and it’s probably with all the crying and stress, so you are quick to take some pills to ease the pain. Sitting on the edge of your bed you stare ahead of you blankly, trying to gain power to start the day.

Though today is Sunday, so you are not working, you’re still worried to face Harry after whatever it was that happened last night. What were you thinking, kissing your boss out of the blue? And what was he thinking kissing you for the second time? It kind of feels like a dream, but you know it really did happen.

You try to stay in your room as long as possible, avoiding to face Harry, but soon enough you can’t postpone it any longer, because you are starving. Peeking out of your room you hear voices coming from downstairs and as you reach the stairs you recognize not just Harry’s and Izzy’s voice, but Niall’s as well.

Arriving downstairs you see Niall and Izzy sitting on the stools at the kitchen island while Harry is cleaning the dishes after their breakfast probably. He is wearing a pair of light-washed jeans and a black hoodie, the sleeves bunched around his elbows. He looks so casual and yet just looking at him makes your heart skip a beat. You are in some big trouble.

Niall spots you first and he perks up waving in your way happily.

“Good morning, Y/N!” he beams, his accent sounds so comforting in such a stressful moment, for some reason.

“Hi, good morning,” you breathe out. Harry turns around, his eyes fall on you and a shiver runs down your spine. He just looked at you and you already want to run away and hide in your room a little longer.

“Morning,” he greets you with a nod before turning back to the sink to finish the dishes.

“Daddy and Uncle Niall are taking me to the park! We are picking Yara up too!” Izzy shares the news with you excitedly.

“Oh, that sounds great!” you smile at her, giving her cheek a gentle pinch before moving to the fridge.

“Do you want to come?” she invites you and your eyes immediately flicker over to Harry who looks at you the exact same time, making your stomach drop right away.

“Um, I have some work to do, maybe some other time,” you smile at Izzy, grabbing yourself a yoghurt and a banana before shutting the fridge closed.

“So how was yesterday?” Niall asks and you freeze. Does he know what happened? Did Harry tell him about last night?

Niall sees your frightened look to which he shoots you a confused one.

“The wedding, Harry told me earlier you had a wedding yesterday.”

“Oh, it went… fine,” you nod shortly, peeking at Harry who is now staring down at his feet awkwardly. This was starting to get painfully ridiculous, the two of you dancing around each other, pretending like you weren’t down each other’s throats just a few hours prior.

“Alright, let’s leave, we need to pick Yara up in twenty,” Harry claps his hands. Izzy jumps off the stool and takes Niall’s hand as they all head out of the house. “We’ll probably have lunch somewhere and then go grocery shopping, so we’ll be away for a while,” he informs you without looking your way before leaving without even waiting for any reaction from you.

Yeah, this was straight up the most awkward conversation you’ve had in a long time.

“Here, Izzy. Play some games on my phone!” Niall passes his phone to her with a sweet smile, but Harry smacks his bicep.

“What are you doing? She has enough screen time already!”

“Yeah, but I needed her to be busy so I can ask you what the fuck was that in the house.”

Harry curls his lips into his mouth, his eyes glued to the road ahead of him as he tries to come up with a good answer, but he knows he could never fool his best friend.

“Don’t stop, even if she is busy with the phone,” Harry scolds him, glancing at Izzy through the mirror, but she doesn’t seem to be listening to them. Niall rolls his eyes, but lets his words uncommented. “Besides, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Oh, you exactly know it. You and Y/N were like scared little bunnies around each other. She looked like she was about to faint any moment when you looked at her.”

“Maybe she was just tired,” he shrugs, but Niall laughs at his weak attempt to fool him.

“Now tell me the real reason, I know something happened.”

Harry chews on his bottom lip, debating whether he should come clean or not, but he knows Niall won’t leave him until he finally tells him so he is not left with many choices.

“We kissed.”

“What?!” Niall snaps, a little louder than Harry expected, his voice makes him flinch. “Sorry, that was a little too dramatic, but what the fuck? Why were you keeping this from me?!”

“Because I knew this is how you’d react,” Harry mumbles under his breath. “And… I don’t think it will ever happen again.”

“What do you mean?”

“The whole thing was a mess,” Harry sighs. “She came home late, pretty upset because she met with her ex at the wedding.”

“The one that cheated on her?”

“Mhm. The dude was an asshole and… she was crying in the kitchen when I came down. We sat on the couch, talked, I tried to calm her down and all that and then… she kissed me.”

“Wait, she kissed you? Wow, she’s got balls!” Niall laughs.

“Yeah, but it was, like, really short and she pulled back, shocked at herself for doing it. I think it was just all the emotions that got her a little confused. But then she tried to apologize and… and I kissed her.”

“What?! Oh my God!” Niall’s mind is blown and he doesn’t even tries to hide his excitement hearing the news about last night. “Was there tongue?”

“Jesus, Niall!” Harry scowls. “I’m not sharing the details with you.”

“Okay, but was it like a solid, short kiss or you guys went right at it?”

Harry doesn’t answer, but it tells enough about the situation and Niall can’t help but whistle as he claps his hands.

“Stop acting like a horny teenager, Niall,” Harry growls rolling his eyes at his friend.

“So you guys snogged, what’s the matter with that?”

“It got awkward. We just pulled back and I think we both were pretty shocked about it and… she just stood up and said that she is going to bed. End of story. And then you were there in the morning, so… yeah.��

“Tell me why the hell we are heading to a playdate then when you should be talking to her?” Niall asks, arching an eyebrow at Harry.

“There’s not much to talk about. It just happened in the heat of the moment, that’s all,” Harry shrugs, but deep down he knows it’s a blatant lie. At least on his side.

Unlike you, who fell asleep right away, Harry spent about an hour lying in his bed wide awake, not able to think about anything else but your lips on his. He replayed the whole thing in his head about a million times, he was starting to feel ashamed of it, but he just couldn’t stop.

Your abrupt leaving left him puzzled and he thought long and hard about why you felt the need to run away. The only thing that made sense to him is that you regretted it the moment it happened, that it really did just happen in the heat of the moment so Harry thought it’s best to act like it didn’t even happen.

“Please don’t be an ass and just… talk to her. We both know we can never know for sure what a woman thinks about. You can’t just assume and think that your assumption is one hundred percent right.”

“I find it funny that you’re such an expert in this stuff, but you haven’t had a stable relationship since like, we finished college,” Harry scoffs as he takes the corner and starts driving down the street to Yara’s moms’ house.

“Me not having a relationship doesn’t mean that I’m not good at them. It’s a choice,” Niall smirks.

“Yeah, whatever.”

“But back to the topic, you wanted to kiss her, right?”

“I mean, yeah? It kinda threw me off as well, but it was… nice.”

“Please don’t refer to a kiss as nice again,” Niall gags, but Harry just chuckles at him. “A kiss is hot, passionate, pant tighteni—“

“Okay, that’s enough!” Harry cuts him, earning a cackle from him.

“Just talk to her, don’t be a pussy.”

“I really do need better friends,” Harry mumbles under his breath as he pulls up to the driveway.

You really didn’t feel like staying home alone in that big ass house so you invited yourself over for an early dinner to your mom’s. You haven’t been over since the little fiasco with Trevor so you thought it might be a good idea to spend some time with them. Trevor said they’ve been trying to keep the fighting down to the minimum and not let it turn into a screaming match, so your speech worked after all.

It’s past three o’clock when you leave, no sign of Harry or Izzy and you feel like they won’t be back for a while either, so you lock everything up and head out.

You have a genuinely good time. It’s obvious that your mom feels guilty about her past behavior and is trying to lure you into forgiving her, though you already did that. But you’re happy your little speech worked. At least Trevor can have his peace now.

After dinner your mom disappears in her room and then returns with a nicely wrapped box and you sigh, rolling your eyes.

“Mom, I told you I don’t need gifts.” You give her a look. Your birthday is coming up next week, but you were never the kind to celebrate. You never felt comfortable with all the attention and fuss birthdays come with, so you’ve always liked to keep it down. These past years you didn’t even ask for anything, though your parents never listened and this year doesn’t seem like an exception either.

“Oh hush. You can’t expect me not to celebrate my baby!” she shakes her head, sitting back to the dining table. “And besides, I didn’t pay a dollar for it,” she then adds and now you’re curious what she got you.

Removing the lid of the box you peek inside and your lips immediately part as you see the stack of polaroids inside.

“I know how much you like old photos and when we sold Grandma’s house back in August, I found these in my old room. I got a polaroid camera for graduation, just in time to take tons of pictures of you,” she explains with a soft chuckle as you start going through the pictures from when you were born and the next few years. Whenever you are done looking at a photo you hand it to Trevor so he can take a look at them too.

“Are you sure you don’t want to keep these, mom?” you ask glancing up at her over the stack.

“I took out a few for myself,” she admits with a sneaky smile. “You can have the rest, I know how much you love these stuff.”

“Thank you, mom,” you smile at her, hugging her from the side, feeling touched by this gift.

It’s nearing eight when you arrive back home, the lights are still up and if you had to guess you’d say that Harry is trying to tire Izzy out enough to put to bed, as usual. Walking in, your guess is proven right, the TV is on in the living room while Harry is sitting on the couch, Izzy all over him in her pink pajamas, playing around with his hair like she always does.

“Hi Y/N!” she calls out happily when she spots you.

“Hi Sunshine, did you have a good time today?” you ask with a soft smile.

“I did! And guess what!”

“What?”

“Yara invited me over for a sleepover!” she beams, clearly ecstatic about the invitation.

“That’s amazing!”

“What’s that?” she curiously asks pointing at the gift box in your hands. Harry turns to see you, his eyes falling on the box as well.

“Oh, it’s a gift I got from my mom,” you explain, stepping closer.

“Is it your birthday?” she questions, knitting her eyebrows together.

“No, not yet. But it will be next week,” you admit with a soft chuckle.

“Really? Are you having a birthday party?” she gasps, getting way too excited already. Harry eyes you without a word, holding Izzy by her hips so she is not losing her balance standing on the cushion of the couch.

“I’m not, sorry. I don’t like having birthday parties,” you pout at her apologetically.

“Oh, okay. Can I see what you got from your mom?”

“Izzy, don’t be nosy,” Harry warns her, but you just smile at the curious girl.

“Sure,” you nod, joining them on the couch. You sit on the opposite end than where Harry is, Izzy in the middle as she watches the box in awe. You set it down to the cushion and take the lid off, revealing the stack of photos.

“What are these?”

“They are called polaroids. They are old pictures, taken with a special camera that kind of prints the picture out right away,” you explain to her as she takes the first photo from the top, a picture of your mom holding you as a newborn. She was so young, practically a child herself, yet her pride was undeniable, it shone all over her face. You spot Harry looking at the picture as well over Izzy’s shoulder, still keeping his silence.

“Who are these people?”

“That’s my mom and that’s me as a baby. And… this is my dad,” you hold up another photo that features your dad.

“They really were young when they had you,” Harry speaks up for the first time, surprised by the photos.

“Yeah, they were.”

“What are you going to do with them?” Izzy questions, dropping the photo back into the box as she leans back to lie on Harry’s chest.

“Not sure yet. I might make an album from them,” you shrug. “I really like polaroids, I love that they are one of a kind.”

Izzy nods, though you’re not sure she understood what you meant by that. Fidgeting with her fingers she pushes down a yawn and Harry takes that as a good sign.

“Alright, time for bed, Love. Say good night to Y/N.” He picks her up as he stands from the couch. Izzy waves at you smiling with tired eyes.

“Night-night, Y/N,” she singsongs as Harry carries her towards the stairs.

Putting the pictures back into the box you head into your bedroom too, feeling like the time when you and Harry talk about what happened yesterday will never come. It’s pretty clear that he doesn’t want to acknowledge it, so you’ll just let it slip. It happened just in the heat of the moment, didn’t mean a thing, you better forget about it.

After a speedy shower you are getting ready to just go to bed, read some and have a relaxing evening, something you didn’t have the luck to have the day before. But right as you’re about to make yourself comfortable in bed, there’s a knock on your door.

“Hey,” you breathe out as you open it and find Harry standing in the hallway.

“I hope you weren’t sleeping already.”

“No. Come on in,” you invite him inside and he walks in. As he awkwardly stops in the middle of the room you realize he hasn’t even been in here since you’ve moved in. He takes a look around, examining what you’ve done with the room and you feel thankful you decided to put your laundry away just yesterday, so no dirty underwear is littering the floor anywhere.

“How can I help you?” you ask with a soft smile.

“I, erm… I just wanted to clear some things,” he starts, clearly feeling nervous about the conversation and that makes the two of you for sure. Nodding you let him know that you’re waiting for him to carry on. “What happened yesterday…” he starts and your breath gets caught in your throat. “You were very emotional, a lot happened and it was a very confusing moment probably for the both of us. I really like working with you, I’m very happy with the way you’ve been taking care of Izzy and I would hate to ruin it with anything.”

You can feel your stomach dropping even though you were bracing yourself for this version of the situation. It was very likely that Harry would want to keep things professional, like before, but it still makes you feel like shit.

“I’m sorry for stepping over some boundaries, but I really hope that… we can put it behind us and that we can move on.”

He is using his business tone. It’s the same tone he used with Sarah and his assistants and now he is using it to talk about the kiss that happened between the two of you.

“Sure,” you answer quietly nodding. “Moving on sounds… great,” you nod, forcing a smile to your face, but it couldn’t be more fake.

Harry nods as he runs his tongue over his lips, looking around a little awkwardly now that it’s been discussed.

“Alright, then… good night, Y/N,” he nods in your way before heading towards the door.

“Good night, Harry,” you mumble after him as he walks out and closes the door behind him.

As soon as you are on your own, you let out a shaky breath, falling to your bed, lips trembling as you try to even make out what you’re feeling. Because part of you is glad he didn’t make a fuss about it and you didn’t lose your job, that’s great news. But another part, which is vehemently bigger than the first one is upset and sad and… disappointed?

You were hoping it meant something for him, you wanted him to want it, to feel the same craving for you as you feel towards him, because you haven’t really stopped thinking about what his lips felt like against yours, what it was like when his fingers dug into your thigh, how it sent a shiver down your spine when his tongue met yours.

But this conversation just made it awfully clear that he wants nothing to do with you. And it hurts probably more than it should.

Harry doesn’t get too far from your door when he feels the all too familiar pain in his chest he has been forced to live with these past over three years. It’s like something is gripping his heart and lungs in his chest so tight, even breathing is a hard task.

Rushing into his bedroom he closes the door behind him and slides down to the floor as the tears flood from his eyes. The past twenty-four hours have been rough on him, the guilt has been growing immensely since he let himself slip and give in for his desires and eventually kiss you.

It’s not that he didn’t want it. Because he’d be lying if he said it meant nothing to him and that he hasn’t been craving it these past weeks.

But his guilt, this evil little voice in the back of his head wouldn’t let him enjoy it even the slightest.

How dare you kiss another woman after your wife? Are you insane? You don’t deserve to feel this way with anyone else. Not when you were the reason your wife ended up dead!

Heartbreaking sobs escape from his chest as he pushes himself up from the floor and heads into the bathroom. He strips out of his clothes leaving them all in a pile on the marble tiled floor before he steps into the shower and lets the hot water pour down on him, almost burning his skin, but he doesn’t change the temperature, as if he was trying to punish himself. His salty tears mix with the water as he stands still, chest heaving as his vivid memories from that night come crashing down on him all at once.

“Are you giving me the silent treatment now? Really?” Harry sighed at his wife when she failed to answer his question about the whereabouts of his sweatpants. Maggie sat on the bed with the recent maternity book she’d been reading these past days, not even paying her husband a look at his question.

“Mags, for fuck’s sake, I’m not in the mood to play this game right now,” Harry sighed in defeat. Maggie looked up at him, closed the book slowly and put it aside to the bedside table.

“So the question of expanding our family is just a game to you?” she asked calmly, but her anger and disappointment in her husband was soaking through her tone.

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about.”

“No, you are not talking about anything, because you refuse to have a fucking conversation with me!” she retorted, letting all her bottled up anger out that’d been boiling inside her.

“I already told you that I can’t think about having another baby right now. Izzy is only six, I’m in the middle of a huge project, I don’t have the capacity to think about having another baby, Maggie. I thought I made it clear, why are you still onto me then?”

“Because it’s not something we can put aside for too long! I don’t want to have another baby when I’m in my mid-thirties, but if we go with your plan, we won’t even have another one!” Maggie jumped to her feet, pacing the floor back and forth next to their bed as Harry stood with his hands on his hips, getting irritated that they were fighting over the same thing again.

“I never said we can’t have another baby, but why can’t we wait a little? When Izzy is older and more independent? Do you have any idea how hard it is to take care of a baby and a toddler? It’s a fucking nightmare!” Harry growled rolling his eyes.

“So our family is just a pain in the ass for you?” Maggie questioned, folding her arms on her chest and she was really getting on Harry’s nerves, twisting his words completely.

“That’s not what I said!” he snapped. “All I’m asking for is you to be a little patient and give me some time!”

“I don’t have time, Harry! I want it as soon as possible!”

“Why are you so fucking difficult?” Harry groaned, running his hands through his hair. “Why can’t you wait just… one year at least? Is that too much to ask?”

“And is it too much to ask to focus on your family? We are supposed to come first!” she turned it back around and Harry was not having the dirty games she was playing, putting all the blame on him when she could have been a little more understanding as well. He was feeling like his opinion was put aside and didn’t matter at all.

“You do come first, you don’t have the right to question that.” Harry pointed at Maggie, his blood practically boiling at this point.

“Then why do I feel like work is always more important to you?”

“What are you talking about? You know I’m home as much as I can, but we still need the fucking money, Maggie! Or how do you plan on paying the bills of this fucking mansion?!”

“I don’t need a mansion! I just need my family and that’s all!” she argued, but Harry rolled his eyes at her.

“Well you seem to enjoy this mansion a lot when you sit by the pool and watch movies in the fucking movie theater in your own home!” he snapped back feistily. “Stop acting like I don’t do shit for our family when I work my ass off to provide the best possible life. And all I’m asking for in return is some fucking time before we bring another baby into the picture!”

“You are so fucking unbelievable,” Maggie shook her head as she marched past him, walking away from the fight that just grinded his gears even more.

Just as Harry was about to go after her, he heard the faint crying through the baby monitor. Groaning he headed into Izzy’s room and as he took her out of her crib, he heard the front door open and shut.

“Aw, baby, I’m sorry, did we wake you up?” he cooed, hugging the crying little girl to his chest who clung onto him immediately. Even at such a young age, Izzy was already a daddy’s little girl.

Soon her cries died down to just little hiccups as Harry soothed her, patting her bum and back gently as he moved around the room. Holding Izzy in one arm he grabbed his phone with his free hand and typed a message to his wife.

Harry: Where did you go?!

Maggie: I’m going over to my sister’s. Don’t wait up, might get home late.

Harry couldn’t help but roll his eyes. She called him out for running away from the conversation, but when they were finally talking about it she just decided to disappear when it didn’t head in the direction she wanted, seeking comfort at her sister, as always.

He managed to lull Izzy back to sleep, putting her back to her crib before going back to the bedroom. As time passed by and he calmed down more and more he wished Maggie was home so they could talk about it without jumping at each other’s throat. There had to be a compromising way to solve the situation that would be fine for the both of them.

Harry: Please come home and let’s talk about it.

Maggie: So you can bite my head off again?!

Harry: Mags, please. You have to understand my point of view too!

Maggie: I understand it, but I don’t agree with it. And you don’t seem to understand mine…

Harry: I do, but there are more things to consider. Please come home, I don’t want to have this conversation over the phone!

Maggie: Okay, I’m heading home now.

Harry put his phone down to the nightstand with a long sigh, already tired from everything that happened that day and he knew this conversation would be a hard one too, but they needed to be on the same page when it came to their family.

It was late getting late and Harry grew a little more restless with each passing moment. Paisley, Maggie’s sister lived about thirty minutes away from them and it’d been forty minutes since she sent her last text. At first he figured she maybe stayed and talked for a little longer with Paisley, or stopped for some fast food which he knew she liked so much whenever she was upset, but when an entire hour passed by he was getting worried.

He kept sending her texts that didn’t even get delivered and when he tried to call it went straight to her voicemail. Harry was losing his shit so he decided to call Paisley to see if she knew anything about her.

“She hasn’t arrived home yet?” she asked, clearly surprised.

“No, and she is not answering my calls and texts. When did she leave from yours?”

“A long time ago. Almost right away when you texted her to go home.”

“Fuck,” Harry breathed out, anxiously pacing the floor as he held the phone to his ear. “Okay, can you please call your parents in case she went there for whatever reason? I’ll try her friends.”

“Yeah, sure. Let me know if you got a hold of her,” Paisley told him before they ended the call.

Harry was scrolling through his contacts, trying to decide who Maggie would go to first in this situation and just as he was about to call the first person, his phone started ringing with an unknown number.

“Hello?” he answered the call unsurely, his heart beating fast in his chest as he stood in the middle of the room.

“Mr. Harry Styles?” a male voice asked on the other end.

“Yes, it’s me. Who am I speaking to?”

“I’m Officer Field speaking. You were listed as the emergency contact for your wife, Margaret Linn Styles.”

Blood rushed out of Harry’s face faster than he could even process what was happening. He stood completely frozen, his hands were getting clammy as he started sweating as if he just ran the marathon.

“What happened?” he asked weakly, barely even finding his own voice.

“Mr. Styles, I have bad news…”

Harry makes his way down to the entertainment room, walking like a zombie, only thinking about the bottle of vodka that sits in the minibar down there. Following his skin burning shower he tried to go to bed, but his head was starting to spin from everything that’s been swirling in his mind and he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop it if he didn’t numb himself somehow. Unfortunately, his only way of doing it has been drinking, nothing seemed to help him the way alcohol did and though he knew he should never solve any of his problems with drinking, he still couldn’t help himself sometimes. When the pain was growing immensely, taking over his whole body, he chose the easiest way to get rid of the guilt or at least stop himself from… feeling.

Grabbing the bottle from the mini fridge he snatches himself a glass as well, not drinking straight from the bottle at least, and plopping himself down to the couch he pours a generous glass, drinking it without any chaser.

He winces as the alcohol burns down his throat, but at least it’s a different kind of pain, that takes the focus away from the one he is feeling in his chest.

One glass chases the other and since he is not particularly used to the heavy drinking, he is more like the ‘let’s nurse this pint for an hour’ type of guy, the raw vodka kicks in pretty quickly.

But he is not the only one who can’t fall asleep tonight.

You tried everything in your power to end your misery and finally fall asleep, but your mind and body was plotting against you and made you toss and turn until you couldn’t take it any longer. Making a good cup of tea seemed like a good idea, so you headed down the kitchen.

As you round the corner after the stairs and you’re about to walk into the kitchen, you notice how the lights are on down in the entertainment room. You stop in your tracks and try to think back if anyone was there before you went upstairs, but you don’t think it was the case.

You figure since there are only two adults living in the house, it must be Harry down there and right now, facing him doesn’t sound like a good idea, so you decide to leave him be, but that’s when you hear the voice of some kind of glass breaking, followed by a heavy accented cursing and it changes your mind right away.

“Harry?” you softly call out as you walk down the stairs, not sure what to expect down there. He is crouching down, his back in your direction as he is trying to get the pieces of the broken glass up from the floor, but he is too disoriented to succeed in the task and it’s obvious that an injury is deemed to happen sooner or later.

“Harry, you’re gonna cut yourself!” you warn him, and walking over to him you pull him up from his squatting position and when he looks at you is when you realize that he is drunk out of his mind.

“Y/N, oh shit, did I—Did I wake you up?” he slurs, knitting his eyebrows together as he tries to focus his vision on you.

“You didn’t, but let me just—Why don’t you sit down for a moment while I clean this up, huh?” you suggest, pulling him towards the couch, making him sit. He falls to the cushion like dead weight, letting out a tired sigh while you rush to get a broom and a dustpan to get rid of the broken glass on the floor as fast as possible before someone cuts themselves.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” he breathes out closing his eyes.

“It’s okay. I’ll just clean it up quickly,” you assure him, getting down to business.

“Not about the g-glass. Well, about that as well…”

“Then why are you sorry?” you ask, as you sweep the shards onto the dustpan and throw them into the closest trashcan.

“About being… a pain in the ass,” he hiccups.

“You are not a pain in the ass,” you chuckle softly as you sit beside him.

“I am. I fucked things up,” he nods with a painful expression all over his handsome face.

“What do you mean?” You know you shouldn’t make him talk in this state, but you can’t help your curiosity. It seems like drunkenness makes his tongue run wild and you are desperate for the tiniest crumble of information about what’s going on in his head.

“I just… I kissed you,” he breathes out, his eyes popping open, but he is staring at the ceiling, not you.

“And?” you ask, trying to act cool, though your pulse is rapidly increasing.

“And I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Oh.” You lick your lips and try not to show how much that hurt. But even drunk, Harry notices the disappointment in your tone. His glassy eyes snap over to you and his face falls right away.

“That’s not how I mean it!” he gasps, reaching for your hand and you’re surprised by the sudden physical touch, but it feels kind of nice, so you let him hold your hand between his arm palms. “It’s not like I didn’t enjoy it, because fucking hell, it was amazing!” he bluntly tells you and you can already feel the heat crawling up your neck.

“Really?”

“Yes!”

“Then why did you tell me all of that in my room just earlier now?”

Harry pulls his hands back and moves his arms across his face, covering his eyes as he slides down the couch, his legs spreading out in front of him. He lets out a shaky whimper and seeing him like this worries you a lot. Harry is always in control, he has never let him fall apart like this before.

“Because… I don’t deserve to feel this way,” he confesses, confusing you even more. What is he talking about?

“Why wouldn’t you?”

He shakes his head under his arms, biting into his bottom lip as he inhales deeply, like he is trying to keep something inside, something you shouldn’t know about, but now you are desperate to find it out.

“I’m a fucking mess,” he breathes out, letting his arms fall to his sides, but he keeps his eyes closed, shutting you out in a way. “I don’t deserve to have these feelings,” he repeats again and it appears he is more likely talking to himself, rather than to you.

“Harry, what are you talking about?”

“I can’t tell you. I can’t tell you, because if I did, you’d never be able to look at me again.”

Now he is crying. Tears are rolling down his cheeks and his lips are trembling and you’ve never seen him in such a vulnerable state and quite frankly, it scares you. You knew him to be a strong and stable man, but now he resembles a frightened little boy, so lost in this big world.

“I’m pretty sure it’s not that bad, Harry.”

“It is,” he winces, as if it’s causing him physical pain to even talk about it.

“Harry…” You breathe out and moving closer you place a hand on his knee, giving it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. He turns to face you, his eyes all watered and glistening, he looks so heartbroken, it almost pains you as well.

“Promise me you won’t see me as a monster,” he whispers.

“I-I promise,” you nod, already bearing yourself for the worst, judging from the look on his face.

Taking a deep breath he looks around, as if he is making sure no one else is listening. Then his eyes fall down to his hands in his lap, he fidgets with his fingers, his tongue running along his pink lips before he takes a deep breath and speaks up again.

“Maggie’s death… It was all my fault. I fucking… killed my own wife.”

His voice dies down at the end of the sentence, staring into the void, completely zoned out as you sit beside him, shocked at his words. This was not exactly what you were expecting him to say. Harry starts sobbing again, the hot tears running down his cheeks as he starts crying and panic sets in you. He is so out of his own world, you have no idea what’s happening to him. Rushing over to the mini fridge, you grab a water for him, thinking it might help him at least after all the alcohol he has consumed.

“Here, drink some water,” you softly tell him, taking the cap off as you hand him the bottle. He takes it with a shaky hand and raising it to his trembling lips he takes a few small sips. “Harry, what do you mean it was your fault?” you ask, knowing well you probably shouldn’t push it, but you can’t just ignore what he said.

“Exactly what I said,” he sobs shaking his head vigorously. “It was all my fault, I was a fucking coward and that’s why she died! I could have stopped her! I should have gone after her!”

He is not answering you, not entirely. He is speaking thoughts that have been planted in his head a long time ago and they seem to be on repeat whenever he is feeling down. As much as you want to get more details out of him, he needs to rest, especially because he is working in the morning.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed, H,” you tell him as you stand up and reach out for him to help him to his unsteady feet. It turns out to be a little harder than you expected, but you manage to get him up from his sitting position, and throwing one of his arms over your shoulders you start to walk him up towards his bedroom.

“You fucking hate me now, don’t you?” he slurs, his other hand reaching out towards the wall to steady himself a little more.

“I don’t hate you, Harry.”

“But you think I’m a monster, right?”

“I’m not sure I know enough to think anything about you. This is a conversation we should have when you’re sober,” you suggest and he huffs.

“M’sorry for getting drunk in the middle of the night.”

“It’s alright. But I think you’ll have a mean headache in the morning,” you tease him as you finally reach the upstairs and head down the hallway towards his room.

“You’re a fucking angel, Y/N. You know that?” He just keeps talking and talking and you find it funny how different he is from his reserved and quiet self in this state.

“Am I?”

“Yeah. You are. You are so good to my daughter and to me as well… I really don’t get why your fucker ex cheated on you,” he huffs and you can’t help the smile that tugs on your lips. “What was his name? Kyle?”

“Keith,” you correct him.

“That fucker, Keith!” he spats making you laugh as you push his bedroom’s door open and walk him inside finally. “I bet he had a small dick.”

“Why does that matter,” you chuckle, making him sit on the edge of the bed.

“Because guys with small dicks are always out of touch with themselves. They think they are just better than everyone for some reason.”

“Do you have any scientific research to prove that?” you tease him as you push him down, tugging him under the covers, like a little kid.

“No, I just… know shit,” he sighs, his eyes falling closed the moment his head rests on the pillow.

“Alright. You can tell me more about what else you know when you’re sober. Now get some sleep, because you have work in the morning.”

You make sure he lies on his side as he hums his response. Reaching down you brush his messy curls out of his forehead as he breathes out harshly through his nose, probably about to fall asleep any moment.

Tapping on the screen of his phone on the nightstand you make sure that he has set up his alarm and you see the little alarm clock icon at the top bar so you are just about to walk out when you turn back around.

Seeing how he pushed so many things down inside of him, you’re not convinced he’ll be willing to give you the answers you are looking for. You’re afraid he might talk himself out and give you some kind of bullshit answer, so reaching for his phone you sneakily take his thumb and open the device, all whilst he doesn’t even move an inch.

Scrolling through his contacts you find Niall’s number and send it over to yourself before deleting the message so you leave no trail behind. You set the phone back to his nightstand and head out finally, going to bed as well, right after sending Niall a quick message.

Y/N: Hi! It’s Y/N, I got your number from Harry’s phone. Can you come by sometime tomorrow? I need to talk to you about something.

When you come down in the morning it’s pretty obvious that even though Harry had his alarm on, he snoozed one too many times and now he is in a rush, trying to get everything done and leave on time.

“Good morning,” you greet him and Izzy upon walking into the kitchen. Harry’s head snaps up from the half-made breakfast in front of him and judging by his expression, he more or less remembers what happened last night. “Rough morning?” you ask teasing him to ease the tension.

“Uh, yeah. Woke up a little late,” he nods, finishing up Izzy’s sandwich just the way she likes, without the crust on before handing it over to her. Izzy grabs the plate and marches over to the dining table, quietly munching on her food while Harry quickly tries to make himself a coffee, but he is a hot mess, still in his night clothes when he is supposed to leave in about ten minutes.

“I’ll make you the coffee, go and get changed,” you offer, taking over the machine.

“Oh, thank you,” he nods and for a change, he doesn’t try to argue with you, he just disappears upstairs.

You make his coffee just as he likes and leave it on the counter for him before joining Izzy at the table with your own breakfast. She is babbling about how excited she is for her piano lesson today, because she’s been practicing a lot lately. When Harry appears again he is dressed for work, but still looks a little disoriented.

“Hey,” you softly say as you join him in the kitchen.

“Hey, thank you for the coffee,” he nods, moving around the kitchen.

“No problem. How are you feeling?” you ask, hoping you’re not crossing any boundaries. Harry opens his mouth to answer, but then closes, probably not sure how much he should share, though he didn’t have too much problem with that last night.

“I’m… A little hangover, but I’m… fine,” he nods shortly. “Y/N, about last night, I—“

“We can talk about it later, okay? Don’t stress about it.” You give him a reassuring smile and you can tell he is sort of relieved he doesn’t have to have this conversation right in this moment.

“Thank you.”

“No worries. And I’ll clean up in the kitchen, don’t be late,” you smile at him warmly. You can tell he wants to protest, but he also knows he is running late so he doesn’t have much choice.

“Thank you, I’ll… see you later.”

Storming over to Izzy he presses a kiss to her forehead before grabbing all his stuff and leaving.

Niall texts you back not long after breakfast that he is free to drop by when Izzy is having her piano lesson. You carry on with the morning as usual, trying your best not to dwell on everything that happened last night.

Just as Rosaline and Izzy get settled for the lesson you hear a car pulling up outside and a few moments later the doorbell rings through the house.

“Let’s get one thing straight, is it a booty call?” Niall questions right away as you let him inside.

“It’s good to see you again,” you chuckle, shaking your head at him.

“So no sex is gonna be involved?” he smirks and you know he is just teasing you.

“No, sorry to disappoint.”

“Oh, you can never disappoint me, darling,” he winks at you before walking into the kitchen to serve himself a drink. “So why did you need to see me so desperately?”

“Well, I know I shouldn’t be discussing this with you first, but I feel like I need to know some basic information that Harry might not give me so I thought you could help me out.” Niall nods as he pours himself some soda and joins you at the kitchen island, sitting on the stool next to you. “I uhh—I need to ask how much Harry shared with you about… about me—and, um what—“

“Save the stuttering, I know you two kissed,” Niall cuts you off and you breathe out in relief that you don’t have to be the one breaking him the news.

“Oh, okay,” you nod with an awkward smile. “Yeah, so that happened. And last night he and I had this conversation how we should just keep our relationship professional and all that. We both went our own way but then later I found Harry down in the entertainment room, drunk and basically having a meltdown of some sort.”

“How drunk was he?” Niall asks, knitting his eyebrows together.

“Pretty drunk. He broke a glass and he was… crying and talking about a lot of stuff.” Niall takes your words in as he inhales deeply, just nodding for you to continue. “He started telling me how sorry he was for fucking things up and he was a mess, like a huge fucking mess. Then he told me about how he shouldn’t be feeling the way he does, because he doesn’t deserve it…”

“Jesus…” Niall shakes his head, probably already knowing where this is heading.

“And then he told me that his wife’s death was his fault. That was… pretty intense.”

“I can imagine.”

“I know I have to talk to him about it, but I’m really afraid he might shake it off, but it seems like he is having some serious issues and I wouldn’t want things to get out of hands. That’s why I thought I would talk to you, maybe you know what to do or how to approach him with such a sensitive subject.”

“Yeah, I get it. It’s nice of you for being so considerate,” Niall nods, scratching his chin. “Alright, I’ll tell you what I know, but please also let him tell you if he decides to share it with you.” You nod and turn all your attention to him. “I didn’t find this out until about two months after Maggie’s death, but apparently, the night she died they had a fight. Maggie had been nagging Harry to have another baby, but he wanted to wait a little longer, until Izzy is older so they don’t have two babies at the same time. Harry said they had another big fight about it, said some pretty nasty things to each other before Maggie just stormed out to go over to her sister’s. She made it there, but… never made it back home.”

A shiver runs down your spine at the thought of how devastating it must have been, losing your partner after an intense fight without ever making up.

“Understandably, Harry completely lost his shit. For weeks he was barely functioning and we all knew he was grieving, but we didn’t know that he was blaming himself for what happened. When he wasn’t getting any better we somehow convinced him to go to therapy which luckily helped him immensely, but he stopped going a while ago. I thought he got things straight in his head about this whole Maggie situation, but I guess he is still hung up on that.”

“What about the drinking, did that happen a lot?”

“Not that I know of. I mean, yeah, he got wasted quite a few times, but only at the beginning. I don’t think you should be afraid that he might turn into an alcoholic. I think he is just really struggling right now because of the conflict he is having because of you.”

“Because of me?”

“Yeah, he is clearly very confused about his feelings for you and he has convinced himself he shouldn’t feel this way towards anyone ever, but then you came,” he chuckles softly giving you a knowing look.

“Niall, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” you breathe out, worry and fear slowly taking over your judgment.

“First and foremost just… be patient with him, okay? This is genuinely the first time he has taken an interest in anyone since Maggie and I think he has already taken some big steps, which is a good sign. Try to talk to him and be open, but don’t push him. I know it can be really annoying when he keeps things, but let him tell you everything at his own pace.”

You nod, understanding the importance of not rushing Harry into anything. Just because you want to get over the awkwardness of the current situation, you can’t push him over his own boundaries.

“Okay, I’ll try to do that,” you nod taking a deep breath. “Thank you, Niall.”

“Oh, and don’t let him give you the ‘you work for me, we shouldn’t be doing this’ bullshit alright? He’ll try to make it out to be some kind of business, but it’s not. He needs to get himself out there and I genuinely think you’re the right person to help him with that.”

His words touch you and you’re not even sure how to react. Niall is clearly someone who stands close to Harry and if he thinks that you and him should give it a try, that must mean something. You can only hope that Harry will come around and think the same at one point.

Izzy gets a little fussy by the end of the day and it takes a lot of persuading to get her to bed in the evening. Harry arrived back home on his usual time and because it’s been such a hot day outside, he took her out to the pool. The problem with that is that Izzy never wants to get out of the water, so when Harry said it’s time for dinner she threw a bit of a tantrum as Harry brought her inside and her mood didn’t get any better later either.

You spent most of your night in the living room just watching TV and working on your laptop, updating your schedule for the upcoming weeks and doing some editing. Harry stays upstairs with Izzy for a long time when her bedtime comes and you figure she is still a little moody, but then you eventually hear his footsteps approaching. Harry pads his way into the living room and joins you on the couch. When you glance over at him you know he is trying to find a way to start the conversation you both know you need to have, so you put your laptop aside and turn your attention towards him.

“Y/N, I’m really sorry about last night. I’m honestly so terribly ashamed you had to… see me like that,” he starts, clearly nervous to bring it all up.

“It’s fine, happens to everyone,” you assure him and it’s the genuine truth.

“It’s not a regular occurrence, really. I usually know my limits and try to stay within them. I’m really sorry for making you uncomfortable.”

“Harry, don’t worry about it,” you tell him again with a warm smile. “We can get past it. I think what we really should talk about is… what you said. Do you remember what we talked about?” you carefully ask.

“I do…” he nods, awkward diverting his eyes away from you. “I’m sorry I told you all that in that state, I didn’t… I didn’t mean to just pour it all on you so suddenly.”

“It’s alright.” “No, it’s not,” he protests shaking his head. “I dropped a bomb on you because I couldn’t deal with my own problems the right way, and it’s not okay. So please, just… accept my apology.”

“Okay, I accept it,” you nod.

“And about the whole thing with… What I told you about Maggie…”

“Just know that you don’t have to talk about it now if you don’t want to. I’m happy to listen whenever you are ready to, but I’m not trying to push you.”

“I know and thank you for that, but I feel like… I owe you an explanation,” he admits and you nod, happy that he is willing to talk instead of closing himself off entirely. “The day Maggie died, we got into this huge fight and she ran off to her sister. It was… a whole mess, we both said things we clearly didn’t mean and I texted her, tried to get her to come home so we could talk things out. That’s when… she was on her way home when it happened and… I still feel like it was my fault.” His voice dies down at the end, just like it did last night when he was talking about her. It clearly left a deep scar on him that’s still not entirely healed and you can’t blame him.

“Everyone keeps telling me that it wasn’t, that it was just all one big coincidence, but all I can think about is that she would still be here if we didn’t get into the fight and I didn’t piss her off so much she felt the need to leave.”

“There was no way for you to see what would happen, Harry. It’s not like you did it on purpose, you had no power over the drunk driver or where Maggie chose to drive home. It really was a coincidence.”

“I know, I mean… I understand, but somehow, my mind keeps telling me that it was my fault.”

“Have you thought about… getting professional help?” you ask, trying to be polite and cautious on the topic.

“Actually, I just called my therapist today to see if… she can fit me in for some sessions,” he admits and you’re surprised at how great he is dealing with the matter. “I feel like I might need some guidance again, before things get out of my hands.”

“That’s great! It really is good to go a bit ahead of problems.”

“Yeah. About us…” he exhales nervously, his eyes meeting yours and you can tell this is the part that’s got him the most anxious. You take this as your queue to take over the conversation.

“Harry, I’m going to be honest with you,” you start and he nods, chewing on his bottom lip. “I… I have feelings for you. You haven’t been the only one making realizations,” you add with a soft chuckle, that brings a smile to his lips as well. “I know that the situation is not quite ideal, but it’s not impossible. But I just want you to be honest with me, do you have feelings for me?”

The conflict is clearer than daylight in his eyes as he is trying to figure out what to say and you really hope he isn’t gonna try to mask his feelings.

“I do,” he then admits and it’s like a giant rock has been lifted off your chest and shoulders. “It’s just… I’m not sure how to deal with it.”

“That’s alright,” you tell him. “Let’s just… take it slow. We’re not in a rush, we obviously have a lot to figure out and that’s completely fine. The pace is completely up to you, I know that you need to get a lot of things straight in your head and I can wait, okay? I’m not going anywhere, I really like where we are now and… I just hope that we can move this forward whenever you feel comfortable with it.”

Harry stares back at you for a moment like you’re some alien creature. Like what you just said wasn’t normal or even human and that’s quite heartbreaking, because somewhere along the way he managed to convince himself that he is not worthy of the most basic decency.

“I-I can’t ask you to wait around while I figure my shit out, that’s not—“

“You’re not asking me, Harry,” you smile at him softly. “This is my decision.”

His eyes are shifting between yours and he is most likely looking for any sign of doubt or qualm, but there’s none, you genuinely meant everything you said.

“So, where does this leave us?” he then asks and you shrug your shoulders.

“Everything goes on like it used to and… whenever you are ready to take a step, just… let me know.”

You can tell he is filled with questions, but he just nods with a weak smile and leaves it at that. This will be a bumpy ride, but at least you are more or less on the same page now.

You haven’t been a big fan of birthday celebrations. You just never understood the big fuss about it, throwing a party for surviving another year? Seems a little weird. This is why you never treated this day any different.

The morning starts off as usual, only that you wake up to a few texts from friends and family, wishing you a happy birthday. Your mom has sent you a whole damn paragraph about how you made her life complete and it wouldn’t be the same without you in it. She does that every time, gets a little too sentimental about it, but you guess it’s because it reminds her of getting old herself as well, which is a sensitive topic in her book these days.

It’s a Sunday, so a day off for you. Coming downstairs you find Izzy and Harry sitting at the dining table, already having their breakfast as usual, but when she sees you, she jumps in her seat in excitement.

“Good morning, Y/N!” she beams with a wide smile, buzzing more than she usually does.

“Morning, Sunshine. Slept well?” you ask as you pour yourself some cereal and join them at the table. Izzy nods and then peeks at her father as if she is trying to hide something with him from you.

“Daddy, can we do it now?” she asks in a whisper, but it’s not quiet enough for you to not hear it.

Your eyes lock with Harry’s over the table and the butterflies in your stomach start dancing around right away when you see the tiny smirk tugging on his lips.

It’s been almost an entire week since your conversation with him and things finally seem to get in place for now. Harry had his first session with his therapist on Wednesday and though you can tell he is still trying to find his own boundaries, he doesn’t worry as much about the situation as he probably did before. He isn’t walking on eggshells around you, unsure how to act. More or less it’s the same as it was before the kiss, but there are tiny little things that still make it different. Stolen glances, lingering touches and sweet smiles are making your days more colorful now and it’s gotten you all giddy and… happy.

“What are you two plotting, huh?” you ask, pointing at them with your spoon before digging into the cereal. Izzy glances at Harry one last time and when he nods shortly, she turns to you and throws her arms in the air.

“Happy birthday, Y/N!” she cheers as Harry reaches over to the chair next to him and pulls up a box from under the table, handing it over to Izzy so she could give it to you. “This is for you!”

“You shouldn’t have gotten me anything!” you gasp, truly surprised by the gift. You were not expecting it at all.

“It’s not a birthday without gifts!” she giggles excitedly as she hands the box over. You push your cereal bowl to the side and set the gift to the table in front of you. “Open it!” she urges you, her little hands curled into fists as she watches your every move, as if it was her who just got a present.

Your eyes meet Harry’s green ones over the table once more and he is watching you with a small smile, probably enjoying that he could surprise you.

You pull on the bow on the top and then carefully take the wrapping paper off until the box is revealed underneath and you gas as soon as you realize what this is.

“Oh my God!” you breathe out in disbelief as you take a better look at the gift. Harry didn’t just get you something, he actually listened to what you were saying and remembered that you’re a big fan of oldschool cameras and you have a special love for polaroids. And now, in front of you in the box is your very own polaroid camera, something you’ve been really wanting to buy for yourself for a long time, but you just never got around to actually do it.

“Do you like it? Daddy said you’d really like it!” Izzy asks with big eyes, watching your reaction.

“Oh, I love it!” you breathe out, feeling all mushy and melted from the gesture. Izzy climbs over to your lap, hugging your neck. You wrap your arms around her in a bone crushing hug and you’re so thankful for having them both in your life.

Izzy sits on your lap as you get the camera out of the box and figure out how to work it. She then hops off your lap and poses for the first ever picture taken with your new favorite camera.

“But it’s blank!” she furrows her eyebrows when the photo comes out.

“Because you have to wait for it to develop. It’ll show up in a few minutes,” you smile, setting the photo down on the table.

Izzy sits in her seat, excitedly waiting for the photo to develop and in the meanwhile you join Harry in the kitchen where he is washing the dishes. He spots you and turns the tap off, turning to face you as he dries his hands off.

“You shouldn’t have gotten me anything,” you tell him softly, but really feel touched by the gesture.

“No, but I wanted to. Do you really like it?”

“I love it!” you chuckle in disbelief. How could he think you wouldn’t like it?!

You move forward, aiming for a hug out of instinct but then stop yourself, not wanting to cross any boundaries, but Harry notices the motion and for your surprise, he wraps you in a warm hug on his own. You melt against his hard chest, your nose buried into his shoulder as your arms circle around his waist.

When you lean back, you both keep your arms around each other, eyes meeting and you realize just how close you are to each other. Without even knowing, your gaze flickers down to his lips and you’re dying to kiss him, to feel them again, but you don’t move, wanting to keep your word about letting him set the pace.

But what you didn’t expect is Harry leaning down and capturing your lips in a sweet, innocent kiss. It’s so different from the last time, that was a hot mess, but this one… this is light as a feather but still makes your stomach somersault as you taste his lips, cupping his face in your hands.

“Daddy! I’m thirsty!” Izzy calls out from outside and it kind of ends the moment. Harry pulls back and when you look at him you see that his eyes are still closed. They flutter open a moment later, finding your gaze and you look for any kind of regret or fear in them, but they are nothing but shiny.

“Just a moment, baby!” he answers her, a small smile tugging on his lips as he leans down and pecks the corner of your mouth again before his hands fall from your waist. “Happy birthday, Y/N,” he breathes out before grabbing a bottled water and heading back to Izzy.

You bring your fingertips to your tingling lips as you take a moment to really process what just happened and you can’t push down the smile that spreads across your face. Harry finally took the first step and now you can’t wait to see what’s coming next.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

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daydream-believin · 3 years

Text

The Never-Ending Roadtrip (St. Louis)

summary: (pt 1) Reader joins Douxie in the quest for Nari’s safety. He’ll need company won’t he? - part 4) Doux and Reader get out of Missouri finally but not before one last stop (part 5)

warnings: swearing

word count: 6205

a/n: im getting a smidge impatient on my planned mutual pining slow burn as you can see. mmm i want a piece of st louis butter cake. @blixeon gets credit for putting the douxie trying to keep y/n away from moppet!douxie idea in my head. its not a big plot point here but idk felt i should still mention it

Douxie stared up at the ceiling with dry, unblinking eyes. There were many interesting cracks in the ceiling, barely illuminated by the light streaming in from the bathroom door. He was wide awake, despite not being able to convince himself to move. He was never a morning person, but once he remembered where he was, it was like someone had poured a bucket of ice water on him. Y/n was no longer clinging to him when he woke up, albeit, she was not even in the bed at all when he woke up. That had gave him a fright before he realized he could hear the shower running. Somehow, this was worse than if she’d still been there when he woke up. This meant she woke, untangled herself from him, and was probably going to pretend like it didn’t happen, since she couldn’t possibly know he stayed awake long enough to know about it. Which, while waking up in her arms would have been a little awkward, at least he would have gotten a conversation out of it. An acknowledgement. Something.

Speaking of the shower, somehow that was doing a number on him too. It was so strange. They’ve lived together for years now; they’ve shared a bathroom for years now. He’s heard her shower so many fucking times. No sweat. These feelings were making him silly. Perhaps it was this fucking room. The domesticity of it all, which was a weird thing to say when you literally lived with said person. Yet, he couldn’t stop imagining that he was waking up in His Home, listening to His Wife get ready for work in the en suite of Their Bedroom. She didn’t want to wake him, how sweet. She was always worried about him getting more sleep. He’d go help her with her hair, braid it for her. His hands would run through her soft hair as he styled it. She’d kiss him on the nose before she left to go make him a cup of coffee while he got ready. She knew just how he liked it. They’d brush their teeth together, every morning, just like they did last night.

Bleeding balroths, last night. What was he going to do about last night. His dumb heart wouldn’t just be able to leave well enough alone, apparently. Does he,,, say something? Perhaps he should wait to see if she says something. That would be,, the safer route. He knew one thing for sure though. He wasn’t going to act like he didn’t love every second of it. He’d made up his mind. His life has been way too long and lonely for him to keep this ‘it’s not like I like you’ act up. And for Merlin’s sake, he had died not even three days ago. He had almost been gone, and would have never known the love of his beloved. And family wasn’t just who you have, it was also who you’re with. And he was with Y/n. She was already his family, so why not be his family? Like he dreamed of? Yes, he was going to come clean. If she said something. Yes.

Suddenly, he was aware of a noise. Someone had just knocked on the front door of the room. Or less of a knocking and more of a rapping. Archie’s ear’s flicked, but he didn’t stir. Douxie held his breath. The rapping stopped, but now whoever it was trying to open the door. Thank Merlin he warded that thing up. It couldn’t open from the outside, he made sure of it. The door handle stopped moving. Doux still made no noise. Hopefully whoever or whatever that was had decided to move on to easier prey.

Y/n combed her fingers through her wet hair. It was the best she could do at the moment. She’d try and braid it back while it was still wet, so it wouldn’t get even worse. Y/n pulled on the same clothes she’d been wearing for a week. Well, actually she had been wearing a medieval dress for most of it, but still. She looked in the mirror. Not bad for someone on the run. But they did need to make a shopping trip. As much as Y/n did not want to waste an entire other day to a store (thanks Kmart), and didn’t want to spend more of their small savings they were living off of, they did need some things. Backpacks to keep their few belongings close, one more set of clothes each so they could have something to be wearing while they wash the other set, maybe some pajama pants would be nice, although nonessential, a couple of toothbrushes that weren’t the motel provided ones, plus a tube of toothpaste, soap, a hairbrush, phone chargers, some emergency food that wouldn’t spoil, some reusable water bottles, a fucking first aid kit even, lots of stuff. It’s not like they were able to pack for this trip. Hell, they should probably get Nari an outfit that would cover up her, eh, forest spirit-ness. Her running around in leaves isn’t exactly helping their conspicuousness. Despite Y/n not wanting to add to that list, she sure was getting cold in her short-sleeved top. She needed a jacket. She’d been borrowing Douxie’s a bit for the last few days, but if she just stole it then he would be cold. She needed one of her own, she supposed.

Y/n walked out of the bathroom. Archie and Nari were still snoozing, but Doux looked like he was awake. He sat up as soon as he realized Y/n had come out. He looked, troubled. And he had every right to be, she thought. He had just suffered the loss of his mentor and died himself. He had been blankly staring at the ceiling when she’d first came into the room. He probably had so much on his mind. Thankfully he had Archie and herself. They’d be there for him, she’d make sure of it. It’d be best to give him some more time to think, though. She didn’t want to push too hard. He’d tell her if he was struggling, she was sure of it. He’d been so open lately. And they’d had plenty of talks in the past about not expressing frustrations in their lives. He hadn’t been too open with her when they first started living together and it had made being roommates stressful at first. It wasn’t a problem anymore though. They’d worked through it, and it had even brought them closer.

She told him it was his turn for the bathroom now. He looked like he wanted to say something, but then quietly nodded as he got out of bed and headed for the shower. Strangely, this inn stay has been the most normal things had been all week. It was almost like they were home. She was back in her routine of waking, getting ready, telling Douxie it was his turn to get ready. He was so sweet, he always let her have the bathroom first. So chivalrous, although, she had a sneaking suspicion it was more of his excuse to sleep in a little longer.

It was nice, living with Douxie. It was the first time she’d been on her own. Or, well, not on her own per se, since Douxie was there, but at least away from her aunt. Her aunt had practically raised her, but that didn’t mean she was too grateful for it. She felt guilty about that last part, but not too guilty. Her aunt was pretty cold. It was clear that Y/n was just a charity case to her, a beggar who wouldn’t be looked at twice if not for blood relation. She hadn’t even bothered telling Y/n about their family’s magic until Y/n had stumbled face first into it herself. And even then, she only taught Y/n a minimal number of spells, just enough to control it, so she could successfully hide it. Didn’t need some troublesome untrained wizard ruining the family name and scaring the party guests. Y/n didn’t even know that wizards were pretty much immortal at a certain point until she noticed it herself. The people she had grown up with were all out there getting their pretty adult faces, and she was stuck with a baby face. Her aunt only told her once she questioned it. She was well past being nineteen now, but was going to be stuck like this forever apparently. What a great way to live.

Of course, she was absolutely thrilled when she found out her new roommate was in the same boat as her in that department. It was serendipity. The whole thing with Douxie was perfect, really. She had heard through her friend who worked at Hextech that someone had put up a roommate ad flyer on the company’s bulletin board and she called right away. She hadn’t been having any luck apartment hunting. She couldn’t afford rent on her own with her bookstore job, and Arcadia Oaks wasn’t exactly a college town teeming with people looking for roommates. A wizard roommate would be perfect, and the price was right. So imagine her surprise when said new roommate also turned out to be her boss. Y/n hadn’t even known he was looking for a roommate, let alone that he was a fellow wizard. His old roommate, Jack, had gotten married and moved out last month, he told her. Y/n was surprised at how very easy it was getting into this agreement too, Doux already knew her so he didn’t even interview her. And she didn’t have to worry about new person awkwardness. It really was serendipity. Of course, it hadn’t been all rosy, as mentioned before, but they were really groovin’ together now.

Y/n stretched out on the bed. She could hear the water running through the wall. It had been so awesome living right above her job. She got to sleep in, and she’d get ready, eat some breakfast, and be able to instantly step into the bookstore. She’d never be late ever again. Or she never was late again. That was a depressing thought. But hey, bright side, now they could have all the fun of starting up a new bookstore. Perhaps she could convince Douxie to add on a tea shop this time too. One that had cute little round tables with pretty gingham table cloths and flower vases, filled with flowers that they grew themselves in the pots on their balcony. They’d make sure the new bookstore had a nice window that was meant for a display but they’d leave as a place for Archie to sleep in and make snarky comments as he watched the people go by. Douxie could paint the letters on the signs and window, he was great at that. It’d be a task, but truly, they had to remake their bookstore. Even if not in Arcadia. A new bookstore they could fill up with love, that’d be an idea Y/n could hold on to.

Stars, she loved their bookstore. She loved the smell. She loved the peaceful homey vibe. She loved the man who owned it. Whoops, forget about that last part. She even loved the quirky characters it drew in. One time, she encountered this really crazy lady, and she wasn’t even sure if this lady was real or if she dreamt her, since she was the only witness. But Mordrax’s miracles, was this lady something. It started normally enough, Y/n picking up the store’s landline.

“GDT Arcane Bookstore! Please state your grievances.” She knew in the back of her mind that she was the only person who found her dumb jokes funny, but she still made them to brighten up her own day. Also to piss off Hisirdoux with her unprofessionalism. He made the same passive-aggressive ‘I’m disappointed in you’ face every time. It was fun.

“Yes, Hello. I would like to know if you carry any children’s books.”

“Yes ma’am, we sure do. A whole section.”

“Great. And are you child friendly?”

“Are we-, child friendly? I-, Yes I suppose we are ma’am.”

“Perfect. And you’re open until eight?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Thank you, young lady.”

The whole phone call was odd. Y/n wasn’t too jazzed about being called ‘young lady’ either. She had mocked the lady as soon as the phone call ended, but she shrugged it off, and had forgotten that the whole thing had even happened as she went about her day. Then, at about seven, this lady rolls up. She was dressed to the nines but like, in an old rich person way. Long fur coat, black dress underneath with pearls around her neck. On one arm, she had a fancy purse covered in the logo of a fashion brand Y/n wasn’t going to admit she recognized. In the other, she carried a large porcelain doll, the size of a five-year-old, which was dressed in a frilly pink dress that remined her of the dresses her aunt used to make her wear. When Y/n greeted her, she recognized the voice as the strange caller from earlier. Y/n got the feeling that some sort of shit was about to go down, and couldn’t wait. If only Archie was here.

Fur coat lady sat her doll down on the old loveseat in the sitting area and asked Y/n to keep an eye on the doll while she went to go pick out some books. Emily could be so mischievous sometimes, she told Y/n. She assured fur coat lady that she’d watch Emily like a hawk. The doll’s painted eyes stared into Y/n’s soul. Fur coat lady came back far longer than Y/n was comfortable with. She asked Y/n if Emily had been a good-mannered girl. Y/n just nodded, not sure if she should be encouraging this, on second thought. Fur coat lady then preceded to read the doll nine children’s books in a row, pausing in between only to ask the doll if she had liked it. Y/n was too baffled to even tell this lady to scram, we aren’t a library, you know. It crept closer to eight, and Y/n was actually dreading what was going to happen when she’d have to kick this lady out, but thank the stars, fur coat lady starts telling her doll about how it was close to its bedtime so they couldn’t read any more stories, aww darn, and they had to go now. She thanked Y/n as she walked out of the door. Y/n flipped that closed sign behind her and quickly retreated upstairs for the night. She’d go make a cup of tea to relax her nerves after that encounter. Y/n had plenty of other wild stories of people who��ve stopped by their bookstore. It was great for conversation at parties.

Y/n loved parties. With Douxie came all his friends, and she didn’t mind that one bit. They were always over whenever Doux had time off. It was so nice; it kept their place lively. Y/n cooked and baked a lot, it was one of those skills her aunt insist she have, and having so many mouths to enjoy her food felt good. And whether it was band practice or game night, she was happy to play hostess. Douxie’s friends were fun to talk to. She suddenly had the freedom to invite her own friends over too. Having so many people around all the time had helped her loneliness big time when she first moved in. Her aunt’s house may have been big, but it was empty. Her aunt threw a fancy party a month, but none of the people there were people worth talking to. It was so cold. Their apartment was warm.

Honestly, as insane as it was to think about, Y/n couldn’t see herself ever leaving Douxie to live on her own anymore. At first, this arrangement was supposed to be a temporary thing until she could find a better job and go off on her own. But somehow along the way, ‘the apartment we share’ became Their Apartment, and the bookstore that she happened to operate with him became Their Bookstore. It was nuts, and also the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to Y/n. It was the home she’d never had. Douxie and Archie were her family. Way more so than her aunt ever was. It was beautiful, magical, marvelous. She no longer worked, she just lived. Hell, she couldn’t even remember the last time Doux had formally assigned her a shift. She was just kind of always there. Which she was glad to do. She loved it. And when it was time to stop working, she’d just head upstairs and get to spend even more time with her favourite person. That is, if he wasn’t on one of his bistro shifts. She felt so safe and cared for. She no longer felt alone.

If Douxie wanted to make that, how you say, a little more official, Y/n wouldn’t be opposed to that. She had a hunch that he had some sort of feelings for her, if his recent actions were anything to go by. Although, just like she didn’t want to push him about the angst feelings, she didn’t want to push him in these feelings either. He’d tell her when he was good and ready. Slow and steady wins the race after all. Besides, if she was wrong and he didn’t have feelings for her, she’d definitely be tossing this good thing they had going out the window directly into the dumpster. She had to admit though, waking up this morning cuddled into him was the loveliest way she’d ever woken up in her life. She could get used to that.

She wondered if Douxie would be a wedding person or an elopement person. Not that she expected him to marry her. But it would be nice. She rolled over and found her phone on the nightstand. There wasn’t any harm in looking at some wedding dresses, right? Just in case. Y/n listened to Nari yawn and shuffle over to the bed. She opened an arm for the forest child who snuggled in, curious at what Y/n was looking at. Y/n tilted the phone for her to see. Nari really liked the poufy dresses. She’d point excitedly to the one’s she thought were pretty while Y/n scrolled. While Y/n wasn’t a fan of big frilly stuff herself, she had to admit, those poufy dresses would make her feel like Cinderella, which was never something she’d have thought appealing, but somehow it was. There were some really gorgeous not poufy ones also, and even a cool black one. Some that Douxie might like too. Y/n leaned more towards those, but wasn’t gonna tell Nari that. The veggie lady sure was having as much fun as her right now, surprisingly. Hopefully she wouldn’t blab any of this to Hisirdoux though.

Speak of the devil, he came out of the bathroom and sat on the end of the bed. Y/n quickly closed the app she was scrolling through. She sat up, taking Nari with her. Archie yawned and stretched, after sensing movement in the room. He moved from the chair into Douxie’s lap. After giving Arch a good scratch behind the ears, Douxie turned to Y/n.

“So, what’s today’s itinerary?”

“I-, wait, why do I have to be the one who decides what we do?”

“Because you’re the one who likes to have a plan when it comes to these things.”

“Fair enough.” Y/n pulled up google maps. If she had known she would have to do this she would have done it while he got dressed instead of fantasizing about their wedding. “Okay, so as much as I hate to say this, but we gotta go back to the store today.”

Douxie groaned as he laid back. His still wet hair was gonna dry funky like this, but he didn’t care. “Fine. We’ll do that in Illinois. We gotta get out of this town before anything else.”

“I agree,” she paused, seeing something that caught her eye. It would be frivolous, but she couldn’t help herself from asking “Ooh! Can we stop in St. Louis?”

“St. Louis?”

“Yeah! It’ll be fun, Douxie. We can go sit in those cafés that people go to in the black and white movies, we can go take a cheesy tourist picture of us by the arch thing, and I’m really craving some St. Louis butter cake now.”

Doux laughed. “Okay, but only for a few hours, Love.” The least he could do was let her have a little down time to relax and have fun after this hell week. Highly populated cities were good for throwing off their scent too.

“Thank you,” she went back to her map, snickering, “And we’ll stop in Effingham to shop.” She snorted.

“Effingham?” Douxie said it correctly, in his proper accent, which was not as amusing.

“Effing. Ham. Baby.” He rolled his eyes.

They booked it out of that motel and out of that town. Douxie all but tossed the room key into the creepy innkeeper’s hands as they rushed out. Back on the boat, safe at last. He ran a mental headcount once they boarded. Y/n always held Nari’s hand when they went places, so they wouldn’t have to worry about her wandering off, but it still made Douxie feel better to go over his tiny mental list and make sure they were both still safe and with him. Archie, he didn’t have to worry about as much. Even if the cat-dragon wandered he’d always come back. He could track Douxie by scent for a hundred miles too. Y/n had a habit of getting lost, though. He had to keep an eye on her. He didn’t need her and Nari off in fairyland where the Order could find and abduct them at any given time.

Douxie’s hair had still been damp when they set off, but the wind took care of that for him. Sure, wind-tousled bangs were in, but not bangs tousled by real wind. He was sure he was rocking it though. He could pass it off as something he did on purpose. People already thought his relatively tame style was outlandish, they’d just think the messy hair was part of the look. His only qualm was Y/n. He didn’t want to embarrass himself to her any further. His Camelot self already inflicted so much damage in that department this week. That moppet with a man bun had messed up spells, quoted sappy poetry to her, bragged about being Merlin’s apprentice, and even tried serenading her with his lute in attempts to impress her. It was mortifying. He had spent the first part of their Camelot adventure distracted by having to keep Y/n away from his younger self. It was not good for the whole ‘save time’ mission. Thankfully, he had Claire there with him, who had agreed to help him once she had buggered the information out of him. Thank Merlin for nosy teen girls. Claire was a godsend.

He had to admit, he was a smidge disappointed that she didn’t bring up the cuddling. Y/n hadn’t even made a joking reference to it in passing. He would have to bring it up then. But when, how? It wasn’t exactly something that would come up in natural conversation.

He watched her, hanging over the ship’s railing again. They passed a field with some cows and she made sure to point at them and say cows. He smiled at that; Y/n always managed to make him smile. He could recall how bad he had felt when Jack left and he thought he was going to have to fire her, his only employee, to keep up with rent. He had asked Zoe if he could put up a flyer in Hextech in a desperate attempt to find someone before that had to happen. And low and behold, among the three answers he got to the ad was miss L/n herself. It was an easy decision really, and it took away the uncertainty since he knew she was someone that he already liked. As a bonus, Y/n didn’t have a familiar of her own that might fight with Archie, because let’s be real, as much as Douxie loved Archie, the dragon-cat wasn’t afraid of stepping on toes. Although, it did feel kind of strange to give Y/n her paycheck and then for her to hand a little more than half of it back to him on rent day. But it just worked.

He remembered the first time he walked by the fridge to see that not only had Y/n added some fridge magnets to the kitchen, but she had taken the time to write a message to him. It, um, was sort of a rude note, meant to tease, an inside joke. Which he thought was funny, he just wished Zoe hadn’t seen it. It was hard to explain, and Zoe never let him hear the end of it. Archie got a kick out of it too. Y/n would switch the message almost daily, and it never failed to make him smile. He still had to deal with his friends seeing them and teasing him about it, but he’d never change her magnet jokes for anything. They would stay there until she replaced them with equally embarrassing messages meant just for him. It felt sweet to know someone was thinking about him enough to come up words meant to make him laugh on a daily basis.

They had just passed by a town called Eureka, which meant they were coming up on St. Louis. Good. Douxie couldn’t wait for lunch. He had the appetite of a winning fat bear these past few days. Probably the stress. That butter cake Y/n had mentioned was sounding so tasty. He could almost smell it. What Douxie hadn’t considered when he agreed to this was that the magic flying ship couldn’t go through metropolitan areas. Well, it could, but it’d be seen. So despite his growling stomach, he wound up taking the ship around the entire concrete jungle of Missouri, staying in the forested areas. He figured he could park the boat over in Illinois, just outside of St. Louis. This added a whole other hour to the trip than he was expecting, but now at least he knew to take large cities into consideration when choosing routes.

After hiding the boat in a heavily wooded area, the four took the bus into downtown. So when Y/n said she wanted to go to an old café from a movie, she had meant a very specific old café from a specific movie. She had told him it wasn’t a big deal and there were plenty of other cafes, but Douxie was gonna get her there by golly. And he did. The happiness written on her face was worth the extra bus miles. And wow, this café had some delicious food. They had salmon, which Archie enjoyed a little more than usual. Said something about paying himself back. As if he paid for anything, being a cat. That St. Louis butter cake did not disappoint. Archie was pretty fond of the cake too. It was too sweet for Nari, though. Y/n savored every bite. Doux watched her, while he ate his own, and it was so cute how smiley this was making her. He’d learn the recipe for this cake so he could make it for her once they got… home.

Douxie was still trying to shake off that depressing thought when Y/n finished up and was already trying to get the move on. Not without getting a picture first, of course. Not satisfied with just the scenery of the café itself, she begged Douxie to pose for her in various spots around it. He obliged, despite his scruffy appearance. She didn’t think he was that scruffy, and what was better than pictures of her favourite person in a cool place she’d always wanted to go. She also snapped one of Archie to post to her cat insta she secretly kept of him. Douxie knew about it, and contributed pictures to it himself, but neither of them were about to tell Archie he was internet famous as archie_the_emo_kitty. These pictures were going to hold good memories in them. All pictures do.

There was one more photo Y/n wanted to get. Silly cliché tourist picture with the gateway arch in the background. She wanted at least one of just her and Douxie, after the group photo. She’d have to somehow get one of Archie too, since she wasn’t about to pass up the chance to make a pun in the caption about Archie being in front of the arch. As she pulled Douxie close to get the picture, she got an idea. She asked him if they could get just one more. He was holding the phone since his arms were longer so he was able to get better angles with them both in it. He agreed, happy to do anything to keep that grin on her face longer. This time, when he leaned down to make their faces closer together, Y/n gave him a kiss on the cheek. The shutter snapped. Look, she wasn’t going to push, but she could nudge. Y/n pulled away and grabbed the phone to look at how it turned out, so cute, and Douxie just stayed there, leaning over, still as a statue, with wide eyes.

“Did you just- k-kiss me?” He didn’t so ecstatic. Maybe she was reading him wrong after all. Okay, time to deny.

“Yeah, it was just a cheek kiss, Doux. It was a cute pose for our picture, see,” She showed him the picture. A perfectly captured moment where they looked so happy. Where her lips would forever be on his still burning face. “Friends do it all the time.”

“Oh. Ah, okay.” That sounded disappointed, and his face wasn’t the picture of joy before, but now he just looked crestfallen. Okay so she wasn’t reading him wrong before. Good to know. She’d,, have to fix this now. She casually grabbed his hand and laced their fingers. That got him looking back up from the ground.

“C’mon, we’ve got about ten minutes to catch the next bus.”

~ ~ ~

Effingham was a quaint place. Y/n had only chosen it for it’s funny name, but it was surprisingly pretty okay. It was home to the world’s largest cross. Which would be cool, for it’s target audience, Y/n supposed. And they had a train depot. Fun. And exactly one singular popular restaurant. Which wasn’t that much more than Arcadia had, Y/n had to give it to them. They were in this tiny little mall, to see about finding some spare clothes. Y/n stopped dead in her tracks to gawk at a store that’s sign identified itself as Rural King. She tugged Douxie’s hand.

“Oh we gotta go in there.”

Douxie took one look at it and shook his head, “Are you really going to drag us into a hunting store just because it has a silly name?”

“No, I guess not,” Y/n took one last look at the place, “Can I at least get a pic of you posing in front of it?”

“Fine.” Douxie suppressed a grin as he complied with her silly request.

Once they got into a real store though, Douxie leaned over to Y/n to tell her something without the clerk hearing. “Oh, I’ve been meaning to tell you, I’ve got an appearance modifier spell I’ve perfected over the years. We’re not actually here to buy anything, just get some inspiration.”

Y/n nodded, fascinated. Well, that’ll take care of the extra spending problems. Now came the fun part, finding a new look for Nari. Speaking of whom, she was over at a rack, trying on those fake fashion glasses without real lenses in them. She looked really cute in every pair she tried on, and they helped obscure her face. Good. She really took a liking to this square tortoiseshell pair. Y/n took a mental note. It was going to be getting cold soon, and plants tend to freeze in the cold, so they took the veggie lady over to go check out the winter coats. Nari picked out a puffer that looked pretty comfy, but she didn’t like that it was red. It reminded her of Bellroc. Douxie assured her that the one he’d make could be any color she liked. Not surprisingly, she wanted it to be green.

Y/n just decided on a simple outfit for herself, consisting of a black and white striped long-sleeved tee, a black short sleeve tee to layer over that, and a classic pair of jeans. It was easy, comfortable, and didn’t draw much attention. A band kid staple too. Nari wanted to be similar to Y/n and also decided on a striped tee and jeans to go under her coat. Now they just needed to find her something to contain that gorgeous head of grass. Y/n glanced over to see Douxie trying on a cap in the hat section. Perfect. They’d make her a hat. It’d be a big hat, but nothing too much.

Douxie actually did buy a couple of backpacks from the shop. Y/n was a bit confused but he told her how for some reason he couldn’t enchant something that was technically an illusion itself so he had to buy physical bags since he wanted to enchant them to be infinite vessels or something. Y/n nodded. This was interesting. She was pretty good at the magic she did know but it was mostly by instinct. No one had really taught her the technical side of it like this. She never really knew how stuff worked, just that it worked. They headed to the dollar store after finishing up with the clothing, which surprisingly, this little mall had in it for some reason. They quickly found all those necessity items they needed and got out of there fast. They were burning daylight after all.

Once back at the boat, greeted by Archie who was glad they came back within a decent time this go around, Douxie got to work. First, he enchanted those backpacks. Y/n watched his every move, fascinated, and taking mental notes. He stuffed the supplies into the bags, making sure each had emergency food and medicine just in case they’d ever get separated. The first aid kits were a great idea, considering he didn’t know much healing magic himself and Y/n could only do a temporary pain relief spell. Having stuff to bandage up wounds in their bags made Douxie feel slightly better.

Y/n filled Douxie in on the specifics of Nari chosen disguise, and he set to work on that. It came out pretty cute. Nari liked her new duds, taking her time to look over herself. Y/n handed the veggie lady her phone with the front facing camera on so Nari could use it as a mirror. She really liked that. Y/n snickered at Nari trying out different angles.

He moved onto Y/n. He didn’t magically fairy godmother her like he did the forest child, he just made her a spare set of clothes to go in that backpack. He made them according to her request, but paused at the tee shirt. “Do you want me to put a logo or something on this?”

Y/n twirled her hair around her finger. “Hmm. I’m thinking, Ash Dispersal Pattern. They’re my favourite band, ever heard of them?”

Douxie laughed as conjured up the tee. He picked one of his favourite designs from past merch. It could be considered vintage now, but it wasn’t that long ago to Doux. He fancied the idea of getting to see her in his merch a lot more now. She did have one of their tee shirts back in the bookstore, but she didn’t wear it often as it was in rotation with other band’s tees. He didn’t have competition anymore, it seems. He grinned as finished up.

“Anything else?”

“Yes, actually. Now that I know you can just magic up clothes for yourself, I would like your hoodie.”

“I can make you a hoodie like thi-“

“No, no, I want the one you’re wearing, thank you. It’s warm and familiar and it smells like you.” She said half-joking, half-serious. “It would make me feel safer.”

Douxie couldn’t believe what he was hearing. In fact some part of him thought he may have just daydreamed that. He wordlessly forked over the hoodie. She took it merrily and put it on, giving it a sniff for good measure. Now he really was daydreaming.

“Thank you, Dewdrop!” Oh, he had a pet name now. He’d hadn’t heard that one yet. Frisky people had called him all sorts of strange and embarrassing things over the centuries. But this one was a first. He guessed it was a play on his name. Dewdrop, ay? That was so soft and sweet. A shiny little dewdrop, the first thing you see in the morning. Ah. It seems that miss L/n was plotting to kill him. She was succeeding.

#douxie x reader #hisirdoux casperan x reader #hisirdoux x reader #douxie casperan x reader #douxie imagine #hisirdoux casperan imagine #hisirdoux imagine #douxie casperan imagine #douxie #hisirdoux casperan #toa douxie #douxie casperan #my writing #nert

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words-for-holland · 4 years

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Happier (5) | T.H.

Summary: Harry and Harrison made it to New York without witnesses. One secret is revealed and a relationship could be broken up for good. What will the future hold for Y/N and Tom?

A/N: Everybody buckle up and grab your tissues, we’re in for a bumpy ride. Lemme know how you feel after this! Was it what you expected??

Guilt

It’s one thing to keep a secrets, but it’s another thing when you’re hiding it from the people you love. For Kate, she was becoming consumed in her own guilt as each day passed. Everyday her breaths would shorten, her heartbeat quicken, and her conscience relentlessy invading her inner thoughts. Kate tried to find all the possibilities to avoid the truth, and make everyone happy...but it didnt matter. One way or another, someone was going to get hurt.

Kate stood in front of Harrison and Harry at her doorstep. While she was relieved and excited to see them, a slight tinge of fear was present. “How are you going to find out the truth?” She asks calmly as Harrison and Harry made their way into the apartment. Kate picked up her phone, checking for an message. None showed up.

“Well, we might have found something. A clue maybe, but we’re not sure.” Harry explained as he picked up his macbook, turning it on.

“Is Y/N here?” Harrison asked, and as if on cue she appeared, heavy bags under her eyes.

The moment Y/N laid eyes on the two, she couldn’t believe it. Her hands quickly rubbing the sleep from her eyes, almost convinced it was a dream. “What? Harry? Harrison? What are you guys doing here?” Y/N excitedly asks. She made her way towards the boys giving them a long awaited hug. “I missed you guys.” She whispers.

“We want to help you.” Harrison says as he pulled away. “The unknown number? We might have an idea.”

Y/N looked at them suspiciously, checking her phone for cryptic messages. “Does anyone know you’re here?”

They both shook their head. “We didn’t tell anyone back home. As far as anyone knows, Harrison and I are going on a 3 day hike with little reception.” Harry reassured her with his boyish smile. Y/N look at him with admiration. He may not look like his brother, but his tone had Tom written all over it.

“Great. Just make sure your location is off on your phones..they could be watching us.” Kate warned as she checked her phone again.

Harrison looked at Kate with sympathy. In the years he’s known her because of Y/N and Tom’s relationship, she always seemed to be the sweetest most loyal friend out there. He was happy that Y/N had someone like Kate in her life. Not to mention it was also a plus that she was fairly pretty, even with the worry written all over face, she was still beautiful to Harrison.

“Hey.” Harrison spoke out for Kate’s attention. “We’re gonna figure this out. I promise.” While Kate nodded, she silently knew that this was not going to end well.”

“Wait...so Tom? Is he—?” Y/N asks the boys with anticipation.

Harrison knowing, exactly what Y/N was asking before she could even finished answered swiftly. “No! Of course not!” He laughs as if it was the silliest thing to answer. “Y/N, Tom loves you. He still does.”

“But the pictures..”

“Was a PR stunt set by Natalie’s publicists.” Harrison finished. “He’s doing a project that Natalie somehow got involved in, and they wanted a PR relationship to sell it. He didn’t want to at first, but then they showed him pictures of you and some div.”

“Hey he’s not some div! Matt’s a good guy.” Y/N defends. “Sweet actually, but I turned him down at the end of it. We’re just friends.”

Then it clicked. “Wait. You said that Tom saw the pictures?” Y/N asked trying to piece it together. “How did he get pictures?”

Harry and Harrison took a moment to think it through. “Well...Natalie’s publicist showed it to Tom.” Harry answered.

“But we don’t know where she got the pictures from.” Harrison added. “My money was on Natalie...still is.”

“Cmon mate. There’s no way she could have gotten pictures in New York and suddenly fly back to London.”

Kate slowly made her way to her own room, no longer wanting to be part of the conversation. They were getting too suspicious, and the more they questioned, the more nervous she got.

“Well maybe the unknown number sent it.” Harry said as he continued to be deep in his thoughts. “Or they found out on that fan account you found Harrison.”

“Wait? Fan account? They know?!” Y/N freaked out. Three years into making sure she was kept in the shadows, and it went all down the drain. If it there were fan accounts then it would only make it harder to finding out who really did sabotage her relationship. Let alone everyone’s lives.

“We don’t know yet, but Harrison found a fan account that was posting about Tom and you. Not together at least, but seperately. The weird part is...barely few people follow it, so we’re not sure what it means.” Harry explained, as he tried to pull up the account. “Oh no.”

“What? What do you mean ‘Oh no’?” Harrison panicked.

“I cant find the account.” Harrison said as he tried to pull it up, but the page disappeared.

In the nick of time, a message was sent to all three of them.

Unknown

Looks like you’re back to square 1 ❤️

“Shit! How did they know?” Harrison questioned in anger. “We were this close!”

“It’s okay Harrison. I appreciate that you guys tried, but it’s a lost cause.” Y/N consoled him, rubbing his shoulder.

“It won’t be. We’ll find another way.” Harry encouraged as he hugged them both. “By the way, where’s Kate gone?”

All three looked up to notice she was missing. Y/N waved it off, assuming it was just one of those days. “She probably went to bed early. Kate gets tired easily, nowadays. It might be because of her new job on top of watching out for me. Its a lot to take on for a person.”

The reasoning seemed valid enough Harrison and Harry. Plus it was Kate they were talking about, she always had Y/N’s back from day one, she wouldnt blackmail any of them or ruin Y/N and Tom’s relationship..right?

Late in the night, Harrison had trouble sleeping because of the jetlag. Since it only was a medicore 2 bedroom apartment, Harrison and Harry slept in the living room on the sofa bed. Luckily it was big enough for the both them and they didnt have to resort to cuddling. Harrison lied on his back as he looked out to the NYC view, thinking about everything and nothing at all. He smiled, thinking about it all. For a very serious couple, a lot of shit has gone down and yet here he was with trying to save it. He cared about the two so deeply, they were his family and family never turns their back on the other.

Then he heard something, whispers coming from the hall. Harrison didn’t dare to make a move but he trained his ears to listen carefully at the voice.

“Im telling you they are getting suspicious.” The voice whispered into the phone. It sounded like Kate’s and Harrison continued to listen in.

“No.No. I sent the damn pictures to you for a reason. No one told me that they would come here. I wasn’t prepared for that.” Kate continues as she paces in the corner.

Pictures? Harrison was awake more than ever, as he quickly shook Harry, and told him to stay quiet. They continued to listen.

“Look I did everything I was told to do. She got what she wanted, now —” Kate stopped in her tracks as she saw Harry and Harrison in front of her. Immediately she dropped the call, her lips moving, unable to find the words.

“How could you?” Harry said his brown eyes glaring at at the girl who just betrayed her best friend. “She was your best friend! How could you?!” He spoke louder.

Kate tried her best to quiet them down, but there was the point. She knew this day would come. “You don’t understand.” Kate whispers, looking at the ground. “I was only doing this to protect Y/N.”

“Protect Y/N? Blackmailing her? Sending pictures of her and a guy to Tom, so he would turn against her? That’s protecting her?” Harrison questioned, hurt by her actions. If he was hurt, then surely It would hurt Y/N far worse.

Y/N comes out of her room as she sees the three gather together, glaring at each other. “Hey..w-what’s going in?” She asks nervously.

“Why don’t you tell her Kate?” Harry spits out as he gestures to Y/N. Kate looks into her best friend’s eyes tears welling up. Y/N had fear struck into her face, afraid of what she had to say.

“I’m so sorry.” She cries. “I didn’t have a choice. She would have ruined our friendship if I did.”

“Kate. What.Did.You.Do?” Y/N asks, emphasizing each word to the question.

Kate shook her head as she let out a deep sigh. “Im the reason your pictured with Matt got out Tom.”

Y/N shook her head, tears streaming. She didn’t want to believe it. “Please tell me you’re lying.”

“Im sorry Y/N. I swear I didnt mean for this to get out of hand. I was threatened that if I didn share them, then they would say something that could ruin our friendship..and...I didnt want that to happen.” Kate frantically explains, sobbing at her no good explanation.

Y/N shook her head, her face switching from sadness to anger. “Looks like you didn’t need them to ruin it at all for you. Now you’re gonna tell me what you know and then Im packing my stuff and Im moving out.”

Kate sobbed as she try to plead to her ex-bestfriend to stay. “Look I’ll tell you everything okay, but it’s not much.” She takes a deep breath before she continues. “I was the one that started the rumors and created the fan account Harry and Harrison saw.”

“Why?” Y/N asks, her disappointed face unchanging.

“I was jealous of you at the time. Y/N you had everything I could have ever wanted in my life. A job, a boyfriend that doesn’t leave you, a family that loves you, and the fame which you didn’t even want to accept with open arms. You were always a step ahead of me at something and I was tired of it. So when you told me you felt uneasy about Natalie when she first moved in, I sold that info online and twisted the story so that it looked like Tom liked Natalie and they were a potential couple.”

“Oh my god.” Harrison said as he let his head down. “You made Natalie think that Tom was in love with her secretly thats why she had become so persistant.”

Kate slowly nodded as she took another breath. “As for the fan accounts I can’t tell you much because I was just asked to create them by the Unknown number.”

“Wait so you’re not the unknown number?” Harry asked confused.

Kate shook her head. “I don’t who it is. Im just a vicitim as much as you guys are.”

“No cut that bullshit. It’s because of you that all of our lives are a mess. It’s because of you that I had to lose the most important thing in my life. So don’t say you’re a fucking victim when all you really did was try to save your own ass.” Y/N yelled.

“You didn’t have to if you were so confident in your relationship with Tom.” She spat back.

“I love Tom with all my heart, but I was referring my best friend. I never want to see you again.” Y/N states, emotionless. No one had ever seen Y/N like this. In fact no one had ever seen her mad as she was on this very day. The day she lost her best friend.

Y/N went to her room to quickly gather her belongings, stuffing them back in the bag. Her phone was ringing and she didnt hesitate to pick it up.

“Tom...” she answers, holding back her sobs.

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams @averyfosterthoughts @fangirl-with-a-mission @drishtisikarwar @eridanuswave @ifntelyinspirit @trumpettay @astridcommings @parkershoco @racewife2004 @sleepybesson

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader

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rmtndew · 4 years

Text

All I’ve Ever Known ~ Chapter 4

Summary: Fiona’s life is a shattered fraction of what it used to be. She’s trying to navigate her new normal when she meets Detective Marshall, who gives her something more to look forward to.

Pairing: Marshall and OFC.

Rating: PG

Warnings: Mentions of death, cancer.

A/N - This was intended as a short drabble but it got out of hand and became a multi-chapter story instead. It’s my first Marshall fic and the first fan fic that I’ve written in over a decade. The title comes from the song ‘All I’ve Ever Known’ from Hadestown: ‘I was alone so long, I didn’t even know that I was lonely. Out in the cold so long, I didn’t even know that I was cold. Turned my collar to the wind, this is how it’s always been. All I’ve ever known is how to hold my own, but now I want to hold you, too.’

Tag list - @hollydaisy23, @readings-of-a-cavill-lover, @onlyhenrys, @omgkatinka, @speakerforthedead0-blog, @gearhead66, @thethirstyarchive, @oddsnendsfanfics, @littlerinoa, @agniavateira, @aaescritora,

If you’d like to be added to the tag list, let me know!

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

I woke the next morning ten minutes before my alarm went off. At first I couldn’t figure out why and tried burrowing back into my warm bed to get my last few minutes of sleep back, but then my phone alerted me to a new text and I realized that’s what had woken me up. I sighed. I knew it was Darcy. Sometimes she woke up early with big ideas for her store and texted them to me, asking my opinion. She met me when I was working in interior design and any time she entertained the idea of having a dine in section, she’d send me pictures of what she wanted and ask how feasible it would be. Most of the time they were way too grand to fit into her pre-existing building. Other times she’d talk about a small coffee shop to encourage more people to come in and pick up their own orders and cut back on our deliveries. But I couldn’t see how renovating a portion of the store, buying new equipment and hiring extra employees to run a coffee shop would lower costs just by maybe cutting back on some deliveries.

I was planning on ignoring the text until after I’d actually gotten up, but when another came through I knew it was best to just go ahead and nip it in the bud before she sent me an entire magazine’s worth of photos. But when I hit the home button on my phone I saw that the texts hadn’t come from Darcy. I had to squint against the brightness of the screen to make sure I saw the name right. Marshall.

I sat up and turned on my lamp, then looked at my phone again, reading the texts from their previews.

Hey, it’s Marshall. I had a great time yesterday. Sorry I was falling asleep on you. Can I make it up to you this weekend?

Sorry. You’re probably sleeping. It might take more than coffee to make it up to you now. Dinner?

I suddenly felt wide awake and was no longer irritated by my few minutes of missed sleep. I would have gladly given up several hours for those texts. I decided not to reply to them right then, though. I wanted to make sure I’d had enough coffee to formulate a comprehensible reply and not look like I was drunk texting him, which I had a history of. My conversations with Darcy at five in the morning were proof of that.

I got up and went about my morning routine like usual, trying not to wake Mom. When I made my way downstairs, I poured a cup of coffee and sat at the table. I sipped it, thinking about what to say to Marshall. I wrote and rewrote the text half a dozen times before finally having something I felt okay with, then I sent it.

Hey Marshall. I had a great time, too. You don’t have to make up for anything but I’d still like to have dinner with you. What day did you have in mind?

My heart was thudding from nerves and excitement. I was so focused on trying to calm myself down that I almost didn’t hear Mom when she walked in.

“Morning, sweetie,” she said, grabbing a coffee cup.

“Good morning,” I replied, then jumped slightly as my phone vibrated on the table. I tried not to look too enthusiastic as I grabbed it.

Does Saturday work for you?

“Darcy again?” Mom asked, pouring coffee for herself.

“Um...no, actually.” I tried biting back a smile but it didn’t work. “It’s Marshall.”

Her eyes went wide and she smiled back. “He’s writing to you at six in the morning?”

“He actually wrote me earlier. He asked if I wanted to have dinner with him Saturday.”

She sat down at the table beside me. “What did you tell him?”

“I haven’t replied yet. I don’t want him to think I’m just waiting by the phone for him.”

She looked at the phone in my hand. “Isn’t that exactly what you’re doing, though?”

“Yes, but he doesn’t have to know it.”

She laughed then blew on her coffee. “I’m glad this whole texting business wasn’t around when I was dating your father.”

“Even if it was, you’re a lot more forward than I am. You wouldn’t have had a single issue with texting Dad first, or answering him right away,” I said. My phone made another sound, reminding me of my unread text and I finally opened it, then replied.

Saturday is perfect. What time would you like to meet?

“Well, there was only room enough for one coy person in our relationship and Rodger called that role,” Mom said after I put my phone down.

I laughed. “I don’t think ‘coy’ was the right word for Dad. I think socially awkward was more appropriate.”

“He was too smart to be a social butterfly, too. He had to have a couple of flaws.”

“He couldn’t set the timer for the coffee pot, no matter how many times I showed him, and he thought that the Sharknado movies were amazing. He had his flaws,” I joked.

“This coffee pot is confusing.”

“He was an engineer!”

My phone buzzed in my hand and that time I didn’t wait to open the text. I read it right away.

Would you let me pick you up instead? Around six?

“Well, what does he say?” Mom asked.

“He wants to pick me up instead of me meeting him.”

“Are you going to let him?”

I looked at her and she was smiling at me. I shook my head at her, laughing again. “You want him to come here so that you can see him, don’t you?”

She shrugged. “You keep talking about how handsome he is.”

“He is handsome. And it’s an awfully gentlemanly thing to do…” I bit my lip for a moment, pretending to think it over.

“Just tell him yes. We both know you’re going to.”

I gave another laugh. “Fine.”

I would like that, thank you. And I’m curious, what does Detective Marshall eat when he’s not eating a cuban sandwich and plain chips?

I put my phone on the table. “What are your plans for today?” I asked, then took a sip of my coffee.

She gave me a cheeky grin. “Changing the subject.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not changing the subject. I’m asking what my mother is going to be doing while I’m out earning the bread for this family,” I joked.

She snorted. “You don’t earn the bread, Fi, you just bake it.” She nodded at my arm. “And burn yourself in the process.”

“That’s the first time I’ve burnt myself in a year and a half. I’d say that’s a pretty good record.”

“That’s true,” she said. “And if you must know, I was thinking of going down to Valley and talking to Georgia about starting music lessons again after the new year. I think by then I’ll have recovered enough to be able to teach at least a few days a week.”

“You’re going to put yourself around snot nosed kids in the dead of flu season?” I asked dryly.

“I’ll be teaching teenagers, not little kids, and I’ll wear a mask,” she said. “I’ll make sure to clean everything between students and have them use hand sanitizer when they come in. I’m not going to be immunocompromised forever, and I’m not going to live in a bubble until then, either.” She gave me a smirk. “Besides, I can’t let you be the only one that earns the bread around here.”

I laughed at her but it was cut short when my phone buzzed again.

Stuff that’s probably not very good for him. Like Italian. How does that sound?

Just when I thought I couldn’t be any more attracted to him, he confessed to liking my favorite type of food. I couldn’t stop my train of thought that went to me one day making an Italian dinner for him as a date. But my mind’s eye set up the imaginary dinner in my old apartment and I knew that would never happen. I let that thought go and took a deep breath, trying to focus my attention on the present moment.

That sounds great. I love Italian food.

I sent it and sat back in my seat. I tried not to let my mind wander too far down the road with Marshall. I’d been on a lot of first dates in my life with guys that I’d thought were great who turned out to be jerks and I knew what that disappointment felt like. And even though I couldn’t imagine Marshall disappointing me in the same way they had - he’d proven at our coffee date that he was far more respectful, even while he was tired - I wanted to remind myself that I needed to take things one step at a time.

Perfect. I’ll see you Saturday at six, then.

I must have looked pretty gooey eyed over the whole thing because Mom reached out and touched my wrist gently. When I looked at her, the teasing tone was gone from her face and she was smiling at me. “I’m happy for you, sweetie. I really am.”

I was a ball of nerves all Saturday morning and afternoon. More than I’d ever been on the day of a first date. But nothing with Marshall fell into my ‘usual’ category. There was something about him that made him different from any other man I’d gone out with. And maybe that was it: He was a man. Not some boy masquerading as one. He was quiet, and fierce, and protective. He thought before he spoke. And even when delivering a threat - like he had to that creep in the bar - he’d done it calmly and with authority. He exuded confidence, not cockiness, and there was honestly nothing more attractive than that.

I was nearly ready, just zipping up my boots, when I heard a crash downstairs. I rushed down and found Mom in the kitchen, trying to pick up the broken pieces of one of her giant coffee mugs.

“I’m - I’m not sure what happened,” she said. “I just lost my grip.”

“It’s okay.” I took a step towards her, trying to avoid the pile of porcelain. “Let me clean it up.”

“I can do it,” she said, sounding flustered.

“I know you can but you’re in socks and I’m wearing boots.”

She stood her ground for a moment, then finally sighed and relented, taking a step back. “Okay. I’ll get you the broom.”

“It’s fine. I’ll get it. Just watch your step.”

I went to grab the broom as she threw away the large chunks of her broken cup that she’d been able to pick up with her hands. I could tell she was frustrated.

“You know, if you didn’t like that mug, you could have just gotten rid of it, you didn’t have to break it,” I joked, taking the broom and dustpan from the broom closet. “Or were you afraid I wouldn’t take the hint and buy you another one if I thought it just went missing?”

She gave a small laugh but I could tell she was still embarrassed. “I actually liked that coffee mug a lot.”

“I’ll get you a new one.”

“You don’t have to do that. I can -”

The doorbell rang and she stopped mid-sentence. We both froze, my eyes flicking to the clock on the stove. It was 5:53. Marshall was early. After a moment, Mom took a step towards me, holding out her hand to take the broom from me. I shook my head.

“You’re wearing socks,” I reminded her. “I don’t want you to cut your foot.”

Her eyes grew wide. “So you’re going to clean up after me while I go meet your date?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She brushed her hand over her barely there hair, trying to collect herself, then let out a breath. “Okay, I’ll go let him in.”

“Don’t be too charming. He might have a thing for cougars and I don’t want to have to fight my mom for a guy.”

She smiled for real, the embarrassment of having her daughter clean up after her letting go enough that it was no longer plainly visible. “No promises,” she joked, then left the kitchen to answer the door.

It didn’t take long to clean up. Even though the cup had shattered pretty good, its bright white color stood out against the dark wood of the floor, making even the tiniest pieces easy to see. After making sure I’d cleaned it all up, I threw away the pieces and put up the broom and dustpan, then went to find Mom and Marshall.

They were standing in the entryway. Mom was saying something about teaching at Valley and Marshall stood in front of her, his hands clasped behind his back, and a look of sincere focus on his face as she spoke. Mom was a small woman but next to him, she looked comically tiny.

I paused for a moment, taking him in. His hair looked a bit more controlled than any other time I’d seen him, his curls tighter and not quite as messy. His beard looked like it had been trimmed, giving it a purposeful look instead of the ‘I’m too busy to shave’ vibe that I’d gotten from him previously. He wore a thick blue sweater that made the color of his eyes pop when they drifted over to me. It was brief, maybe less than a second, before concentrating on Mom again. But he had a slight smile and it was enough for her to notice. She turned and looked at me.

“There she is. I guess I’ll stop talking your ear off and let you two go,” she said.

Marshall smiled at her, then at me, bigger that time. “I didn’t realize I was early. I apologize.”

“No, don’t. You’re fine,” I said, moving to grab my coat. “I’m ready, I was just cleaning up a broken cup. I’m basically like Cinderella around here.”

Mom snorted. “Hardly. Cinderella was made to do chores. You’re the one who won’t let me lift a finger,” she said. “Besides, I think she sang while she worked.”

I raised my eyebrow at her as I put my coat on. “Do you want me to sing?”

She shook her head. “No. No one wants that, sweetie,” she said, making Marshall laugh. She looked at him. “Fi spent a good portion of her teenage years screaming along to music in her room. I didn’t even know you could make ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ sound angry until she proved otherwise. Needless to say, her father and I encouraged her other interests a bit more enthusiastically.”

I grabbed my purse. “I should have let you clean up your own mess and answered the door myself,” I joked before kissing the top of her head. “Bye, Mom.”

Marshall smiled again. “It was nice meeting you, Mrs. Sparks.”

“Likewise, Detective Marshall. You two have fun.”

We left the house and after a few steps down the walkway, he jabbed his thumb back at the door. “She’s funny.”

“She can be,” I agreed. “She’s a spitfire, though, that’s for sure.”

“I like it.”

“Yeah, I like it, too.”

We walked to his truck and he opened the door for me. “You look gorgeous, by the way,” he said as I got in.

I felt myself blush instantly, caught off guard by the compliment. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, closing the door for me.

We’d only made it to the driveway and my stomach was already doing somersaults. He made me feel like a teenage girl, all giddy and excited, and I loved it.

He went around the front of the truck, then climbed in the driver’s side. I tried to sneak a look at him while he was putting on his seat belt but he caught me. He smiled as I snapped my head straight ahead.

“Sorry, I just, I was…” I tried to think of an excuse but I couldn’t think of anything that didn’t sound lame. I let out a sigh. “I was checking you out,” I admitted. “I can’t lie. There’s no point. Sorry.”

“That’s the least offensive thing a woman has ever apologized to me for,” he said with a laugh, starting the truck. He leaned forward enough to catch my eye, making me instinctively turn my head towards him. He grinned. “Did you see anything you like?”

My blush deepened and I couldn’t hold back a giggle. “Maybe.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, that is a nice sweater.”

“Oh, so you were checking out my jumper?”

I shrugged. “It brings out your eyes.”

“Does it now?”

“It does. And you have very lovely eyes.”

“Thank you,” he said. “But my daughter bought the jumper, so I can’t take credit for it.”

“She did a good job,” I said, forcing my eyes to look up front as we pulled out of the driveway. Even though I’d already admitted to checking him out, there was a difference between looking and leering and I didn’t want to come off as creepy. “I take it that this wasn’t your weekend to have her?”

“It was supposed to be but she was invited to a Halloween party with some of her friends so she asked to do that instead. She’ll be with me tomorrow.”

“What did she dress as? For the party.”

“A cowgirl.”

“Does she ride horses or did she just like the costume?”

“No, she rides. She took lessons when she was a bit younger. And she and I go riding some weekends.”

“So you’re Detective Marshall during the week and cowboy Marshall on the weekends? Does that ever cross over? Do they have mounted police in the homicide unit?”

He shook his head as he laughed. “No, not that I’m aware of.”

“That’s a shame.”

“Is it now?” he asked, and his tone made me blush all over again.

“I’m actually not going to answer that. I’m going to wait until we get a little further from my house to fully embarrass myself so that when you fake an emergency to get rid of me, my ego doesn’t get too crushed.”

“Do you really think I’d do that?”

“I hope not, but I’ve been excited about having dinner with you, so I’m going to try not to mess it up.”

“I think you’d have to try pretty hard to mess it up,” he said as we stopped at the end of my street. He glanced at me. “And I’ve been excited about it, too.”

#Henry Cavill #Walter Marshall #Night Hunter #Nomis #All I've Ever Known #Walter Marshall fan fiction #Henry Cavill fan fiction #Night Hunter fan fiction #Walter Marshall/OFC #HenryCavillFanfic #WalterMarshallFanfic

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horansqueen · 4 years

Text

You & Me : chapter 26

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: i promise more action and drama asap!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : here are the 2 requests for this chapter! honestly i got so many interesting ones im super excited. keep sending them please!!! and thank you!

Chapter 26 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

My night (or more, my morning) was filled with crazy but realistic dreams and devoid of any kind of nightmares. Apparently, my mind was filled with beautiful things despite the fact that I had broken up with the man I thought I was going to marry only a few days before.

What woke me up, however, was something twisting in my stomach and the uncontrollable twitching of one of my legs. I squirmed despite myself as slumber left me and let out a short whimper. I tried to remember what I had been dreaming about but no matter what it was, nothing could compare to the feeling I was having at that moment and it intensified with every second.

Niall was between my legs, his tongue running on my lips and brushing my clit from time to time and after enjoying it for a few more minutes, I moved my knees up, my feet flat on the mattress.

"Mm, this is the best way to wake up." I mumbled low before whimpering again.

I was happy I had taken the time to clean myself a bit the night before and brought my hands to my breasts as I bit my bottom lip. I hated to smell bad and I also hated to get in a bed when I hadn't taken a shower. I didn't tell Niall, but I had stopped at my place before going to his. I had dropped my luggage there, took a quick shower and brought clean clothes and a few things in a bag. It didn't really matter since he was asleep when I got there but I didn't really think it was worth mentioning.

"You're awake, finally!" Niall let out with a small chuckle as I groaned low.

"Don't stop, I was getting so close."

"Yea? Let's make you cum then." he whispered right before I felt his lips wrap around my clit.

My back arched and I let out a curse word as he started sucking on it. I gripped both my breasts hard as I concentrated on the pleasure he was giving me to reach my orgasm and when my body started shaking, It felt like all the stress I had accumulated in the past few days had suddenly vanished. It took longer than I thought to get down from my high but when I did, my mind was blank and I had a stupid smile plastered on my face. I was just telling myself what a shame it was that I had been asleep for most of it when Niall's tongue started running on my slit again, making me twitch again every time it would brush against my clit.

"You didn't think I was going to give you only one orgasm, did you?" he just said in a low tone before slipping his tongue inside me.

I held my breath as he started tongue fucking me harder until his tongue slid to my asshole, making my eyes roll back. I whimpered a short "fuck!" as he pushed his tongue inside and without thinking, I reached for his hair, gripping it tight.

"Oh my god, you're making me horny again."

He kept running his tongue on me and it felt so good I started feeling my asshole throb in rhythm with my clit. He brought his tongue back up and slid it again in my pussy as I started to grind against him, feeling it reach deeper inside me but it's only when I felt his thumb rub against my clit that I let out a louder "Oh!" as I shuddered again. I felt an other orgasm form in the pit of my stomach and after a minute or two or staying immobile, my back arched, and i tried focusing on every movement of his tongue and thumb. I moaned louder and shook against him again as I came for the second time.

"Fuck, fuck fuck." I whispered, making him laugh as he moved over me to kiss me hard.

He pushed his tongue in my mouth and I closed my eyes, whimpering as he let me taste my own orgasm. He kept kissing me for a minute or two before taking my bottom lip in his mouth and sucking on it gently. He nibbled on it and I ground up to feel his cock against me, making him laugh a bit.

"I'm not done with you." he just said, laughing more.

Slowly, he got back between my legs but I brought my hands over my pussy, shaking my head.

"Noo, no!"

"Sensitive?" he asked in an amused tone, raising his eyebrows as I pressed my lips together. "Good. Because I told you I'd spend an hour between your legs and it's barely been half of one. I keep my promises too. Spread your legs little one."

My heart jumped at the nickname he gave me and slowly, I took my hand back and pulled my knees apart. His eyes dropped to my pussy and he brought one of his fingers on me, running it on my slit and before pushing it inside me. I could hear how wet I was from my two previous orgasms and whined low, making his lips curl.

"Fuck, you're so wet."

He pressed his whole hand on my pussy and rubbed it slowly and gently, spreading my wetness all over me before reaching for my ass. I felt both my legs tense and he waited until I relaxed again to push a finger inside. My eyes fluttered close and I bit hard on my bottom lip as I leaned my head back on the pillow.

"I didn't remember how tight your ass was." he expressed low, mostly to himself. "I'm sure you're ready for a third orgasm princess, aren't you?"

He didn't wait for my answer, and probably didn't even expect one, and just moved down again to run his tongue from my ass to my clit as my legs twitched once again. He moved his head on the side to suck on my one of my lips for a while before doing the same thing with the other. It was incredible how easily he could turn me on, even if I had already came twice but I just didn't want him to stop. Bringing his mouth back slightly up, he started moving his finger in and out of my ass slowly as the tip of his tongue pressed on my clit before flicking against it.

"Holy f-"

I was still sensitive but the pleasure was more intense than anything else and I used all my strength left not to pressed my thighs on his face. I could still feel his stubble scratch my skin and for a reason I ignored, it turned me on even more.

"Mm, Niall please don't stop."

He kept his movements steady and finally added a finger in my pussy, alternating between sucking and licking my clit. I reached down again, slipping my fingers in his hair until I reached the back of his head. Without thinking, I pushed him against my pussy, forcing him on me as I felt his lips rub and suck anywhere he could reach. The simple thought was incredibly arousing and my back arched again as I came on his face, quivering against him.

It's only when my body got limp on the mattress that he pulled away and wiped his mouth on the inside of my thigh before letting out a short laugh. I kept my eyes closed but I felt him move over me. His mouth reached mine and I allowed him to kiss me deeply as I let out a short whimper, too spent to even move my arms around him.

"I should go back between your legs for an other round." he finally whispered, making me chuckle.

"Enough, I can't anymore." I admitted, opening my eyes to meet his before my lips curled. "Now lay down i'm gonna return the favor."

He stared in my eyes a few seconds and bent down to kiss my lips gently. "Nop!" he said with a smirk, popping the 'p' before moving away from me.

I let my eyes follow him and sat up with a frown, grabbing the sheets of the bed and pulling them on me, feeling suddenly cold. I already missed his body and I just watched him get dressed in silence. He finally turned to me and I tilted my head, enjoying the sight before sending him a small smile.

"This is the first time I witness a man saying no to a blowjob."

"I'm not saying no to a blowjob, Liv." he explained with a chuckle. "But this morning was just about you. Just you."

"But I could make you cum very very hard." I pointed out in a childish voice before raising my nose up with a pout.

It made him laugh even more as he put his watch on. "I said just you!" he repeated, amused. "You need to learn how to receive without having to give back. Besides, pleasing you pleased me, and that should be enough."

I stared at him as he finished getting ready and felt my whole body burn from the inside. At that exact moment, I wanted to be with him. I wanted to officially date him and tell the whole fucking world that I was in love with him, that I always was and that I always would be. I didn't know if it was the post orgasm feeling or just the sudden realization that he was perfect for me but either way, I had to hold my breath for a few seconds to make sure I didn't tell him everything that had just crossed my mind. After all, I used to tell him things like that when we dated and it always scared him... would it still scare him away now?

Quickly, I got up and walked to him, wrapping my arms around him and leaning my cheek on his chest. I hugged him tight and he did the same, leaning his chin on the top of my head. It was probably a weird sight since I was completely naked and he was dressed, but I needed to be in his arms at that exact moment and not two seconds later.

"I'm so happy you're here." he whispered as I felt myself tear up.

I closed my eyes and swallowed the lump in my throat as I tried not to cry and after a while, he kissed my forehead and pulled away to look in my eyes.

"Take a shower if you want, or get dressed or something. I'll go get some food and come back, if it's okay with you."

It was not really okay just because I didn't want him to leave but I knew it was stupid and I just sent him a small smile and a nod. He pulled away and I quickly grabbed one of his shirts and put it on, along with some sweatpants before following him to the living room. I watched him put his shoes on and he looked up at me with a smile.

"Coffee and some croissants, good for you?" he asked, making me chuckle and nod. "Did I pronounce it right?"

"Not really, but it was close." I pointed out, making him laugh and shrug.

He turned around to leave and suddenly something jumped in my chest and I called his name, maybe a bit too loud. He had already opened the door but he let go of the knob to turn my way. I took a few seconds to look at him and tilted my head, letting my eyes move up and down slowly on him like it was the first time. I was single, and he was single too, and somehow, I felt like there was hope for us. Somehow, I believed in us completely for the very first time since I bumped into him again and I didn't know how to handle it.

"I came back to you, like you asked."

Slowly, he walked back to me, staring in my eyes, and I could feel my heart beat so hard in my chest that my body started throbbing. He cupped my face gently and pressed his lips on mine, not moving for a few seconds before pulling away and leaning his forehead against mine.

"Thank you." he whispered before kissing my forehead and walking backwards until the door. "I'll do quick."

After the door closed behind him, I remained motionless for a few minutes, just trying to calm the beatings of my heart but I finally shook my head and walked to the living room, grabbing my computer and bringing it to the kitchen. I placed it on the table and sat in front of it before calling my parents. It barely took a few seconds for them to answer and when I saw my mom, a smile small smile appeared on my lips. It grew when she yelled at my dad and I chuckled.

"Jean! C'est notre fille!" she let out before turning back to me and smiling. "How are you? How is Dylan?" she asked with the strongest french accent just as my dad sat next to her, handing her a glass of wine.

It was around 7pm in France and they were about to dine while I hadn't even had breakfast yet and I suddenly missed them more than ever. For some reason, my parents always talked english when I called them, probably so Dylan didn't feel out of the conversation, and I was grateful for that. They were the most understanding persons I knew and they were always there for me. I knew how lucky I was, even if they were far away, but that didn't mean what I had to tell them was easy.

"Where is your little boyfriend?" my dad asked with a smile as my mom taped his knee gently.

"Fiancé!" she corrected him, making something stir in my stomach.

"That's... why I called you today." I started, holding my breath. I looked down and sighed before looking back up at them. "The marriage is off, I'm sorry."

"What?" my mom frowned, shaking her head.

"Nous ne nous marions plus."

Both my parents stared at me in shock and I felt like I had to explain myself more, to give a few good reasons... to justify myself. I hated that feeling but they were my parents and I wanted to say something, I just wasn't sure what it was.

"I just... I wasn't feeling it anymore."

"You don't have to say anything." my mom cut me quickly. "But I have one question." I breathed in and licked my lips before nodding slowly. "Are you happy right now?"

My lips curled in a fond smile. I didn't expect that question and I nodded again.

"Then, it's enough for us." my dad replied. "Where are you now? I do not recognize your kitchen."

I smiled and raised my nose up, not really sure I wanted to tell them but I let out a short chuckle as I heard the front door open and close. I was not ashamed to be with Niall but I had no idea what my parents would say.

"Liv! I'm back!"

Both my parents' faces changed when they recognized his voice and my mom got closer to the camera of her computer, raising her eyebrows.

"Tu sais ce que tu fais?"

"Yea don't worry, I know what I'm doing." I confirmed with an other nod just as Niall walked in.

He stopped and I turned to him just as he raised up his nose. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to interrupt anything."

"No, no, no problem," my dad said with a sincere smile, making mine grow too as I tilted my head. "How are you, son?"

I closed my eyes in embarrassment but Niall just chuckled, leaning against the table to see my parents better. I watched them interact for a while and realized how much I had missed that and how much it reminded me of my old life. The three of them started laughing and I got out of my thoughts, letting my eyes run from my computer screen to the love of my life, pressing my lips together.

"Are you two going to come visit us soon?"

"Yes, yes of course, I'll try to find a good time" I assured, hoping I could keep that promise. "I promise I'll call you back soon."

We said our goodbyes and I put my computer away as Niall was sitting in front of me, taking the croissants off the box he had brought and handing me a coffee cup. We started eating in silence and after a while, I sighed.

"I broke up with Dylan."

Niall stopped chewing immediately and his lips parted slightly. "What?"

"That's why I went to Italy in first place. That's why I was in a hotel room. That's why I came back quickly. I mean, I missed you, it's true, but also, I had nothing to do and no one to see there. I broke up with him and I just called my parents now to be sure they wouldn't hear it from anyone else but me." I let out very quickly. "And that's also why I'm telling you. I don't want you to find out from someone else."

I tried to read how he felt on his traits but it seemed impossible and I started playing with my fingers out of stress. I was scared of what he thought and I also didn't want him to feel guilty about anything. How could I tell him that I hadn't broken up with Dylan for him, but for myself? He slid both his arms on the table and grabbed my fingers, squeezing them tight before looking up in my eyes.

"It must have been tough for you, are you okay?" he asked in a soft tone as my lips parted in surprise. "I know it's not an easy thing to do I mean, you two have been through a lot, and you clearly had something strong. I know you enough to believe you did that not because of a lack of love but because you weren't into it anymore, because it didn't feel right for you."

I nodded as I nibbled on my bottom lip. I was not surprised that he knew me so well, and I loved that he did. No one else could understand me like Niall did.

"Look, I know it doesn't mean you're ready to jump back in a relationship with me. I know it has nothing to do with me. But I'm here for you, okay? Everything will be okay, I promise."

I remained silent for a few seconds and finally smiled at him, squeezing his fingers back.

"Thank you." I whispered. "I didn't know how to tell you."

He smiled back and after a while, we let go of each other's hands and started eating again in silence. I couldn't stop thinking about Dylan, now that we had mentioned him, and I was wondering how he felt and if he hated me. I wouldn't text him though, it was too soon, and although it wasn't my intention, it would just make it worse, I knew it.

"I saw an article about Dylan and this blonde girl and I thought he was cheating on you. God." Niall admitted with a sigh. "I didn't know how to tell you."

"A blonde girl?" I asked as he nodded before grabbing his phone and typing something on it. He turned the screen my way and I chuckled. "That's the girl who plays in the movie with him. She's taken. By an other girl."

Niall chuckled and shook his head. "I knew not to give credit to these stupid articles."

"How did you find that article anyway?" I asked with a frown, leaning against my chair and taking a sip of my now lukewarm coffee.

"I was..." he started, looking away and scratching the back of his head. "I was searching for pictures of you."

I frowned with a smile, shocked but amused by his words, and let out a short chuckle. "You have plenty of pictures of me on your phone, Nee."

"I know, I just missed you, don't judge me." he laughed, making me smile again.

I'd never judge him for that. I had googled him every night for about a year after we broke up and I couldn't stop myself. He knew, I had told him a few weeks before, and it was embarrassing enough that I didn't want to mention it again. I couldn't pretend I didn't like what he did, though, and the fact that the roles were sort of reversed now was refreshing. I didn't want him to hurt the way I had, of course, and I had no intention to break his heart, but it still felt amazing to see him so in love with me, way more than he seemed to be when we dated.

"I'm leaving soon, you know." he suddenly said, making me frown. "On tour, I mean. In a few weeks. And you're probably gonna start filming your tv show soon."

I nodded, feeling a hole in my chest at the thought of being separated from him for too long. Now that he was back in my life, I didn't want to be away from him again. It was probably crazy and not at all rational, but I couldn't stop the feeling of emptiness that seemed to invade my whole body.

"I have a few weeks off, I can always come back but also..." he started, clearing his throat. "I thought maybe you could fly to me when you're not filming?"

I tried to hide the smile that spread on my lips without much success. He smiled back and let out a chuckle before raising his eyebrows.

"Is that a yes?"

"I'm sure we can make our schedules work." I just replied with a happy smile, shrugging.

"Perfect."

I got up and threw away the box before emptying what was left of my cold coffee in the sink and throwing the cup in the bin too. I felt Niall close to me and tilted my head slightly when his lips reached for my neck. He put himself behind me, wrapping his arms around me and it made me whimper low as I closed my eyes. Niall has always been an affectionate person but this was really beyond my memories and expectation.

"I have something to ask you." he whispered, making me chuckle low.

"That's why you're all over me?"

"Mm no, I'm all over you because I love you." he explained, making me chuckle louder this time. "You know that wedding we're all supposed to go to?"

I didn't really want to go and I was ready to try and find an excuse not to, if only because it reminded me that I was not getting married anymore. The wedding in itself was not a big deal, but the fact that I just broke up with my boyfriend sort of was. Still, I knew it was important for my friends. I couldn't seem to remember who was getting married but I knew it was someone they all knew and had met through One Direction, and I closed my eyes, telling myself that it could be fun and that I really should go, right?

"Mmhm."

"Do you want to be my date?"

I held my breath, not expecting those words and finally chuckled. "Really?"

"Yea." he confirmed in a whisper. "No paps, mostly likely no one posting anything on social media. You're just my date, I make you dance, and I steal a few kisses whenever i can when no one's looking."

The thought was tempting and I wanted to say yes. Besides, it seemed like the only thing that made me lean towards going instead to find an excuse not to go. I turned around to face him and his lips found mine quickly as I smiled against his mouth.

"I need to ask you something, first."

Reluctantly, he pulled away and looked in my eyes. I licked my lips and sighed, trying to make sense in my head before anything. It was not easy. All I could think about was how blue his eyes were and how much I loved him. I brought my hands to his cheeks and brushed my thumbs on them, feeling his stubble on my other fingers before tilting my head.

"I would prefer to.. keep this to ourselves, for now." I let out, making him smile more.

"I'm not really the type to call the paps on us, you know me." he pointed out, making me smile a bit more.

"I know but I meant, not telling our friends either. Not telling anyone." I explained more as his smile faltered slightly. "I need time to think about all this, and I don't want everyone to get into this or to.. mettre leur grain de sel. I want it to be our business, no one else's."

His eyes roamed on my face for a few seconds but his arms were still holding me close. He was not letting me go, and It was comforting.

"Okay, petal." he gave in after about a minute, but I could swear I heard sadness in his voice. "It'll be our secret."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan writing #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #my fanfics #yam #hope you guys enjoy this one

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mothercetrion · 5 years

Note

J...jatana (also hey howdy hey hope your havin a good day!)

i wrote nearly all of it and exited it so im upset but im having a good day, thank you anon :))

1) who can outdrink the other? Jade. Kitana drinks so rarely that her body cannot handle it whatsoever jnsjsjgh

2) who says “I love you” more? Kitana. any moment, she will say it to Jade so she understands just how important she is to her. returning from a mission? training together? eating dinner? it doesn’t matter. Kitana will say it every day

3) who has trouble sleeping alone? Kitana. she much prefers to have Jade there as an assurance that she’s safe from whatever can happen in the night

4) who swears more? Jade. they rarely curse but Jade is more likely to say the mild curse words (”damn”, “hell”, etc.) but she will hardly ever say “fuck”

5) who does more of the housework? they share the housework, but Jade sometimes tries to get Kitana to relax by taking on more of the chores. they both refuse to let servants keep their living space clean when they can do it themselves

6) who forgets their anniversary? Kitana. she’s the worst with dates and will suddenly realize that it’s their anniversary when the day is nearly over. she always feels really bad and tries her best to make it up to Jade, though she understands that Kitana is busy and is never upset if it slips her mind

7) who steals the duvet in their sleep? Kitana. she is more likely to get cold in the night, so Jade usually just passes it over

8) who keeps the other awake at night with their snoring? neither of them snores, but Jade moves around more often in her sleep and will accidentally keep Kitana awake

9) who finds stray animals and begs the other to let them keep them? they both have a soft spot for animals, so it’s more along the lines of both of them falling in love with an animal and wanting to keep them

10) who usually makes dinner? Jade. Kitana isn’t the greatest cook, but she is always willing to assist Jade as needed

11) who plays their music out loud? Jade. she likes to play her music in front of Kitana and see if their tastes are similar in any way

12) who hogs the bathroom? they both hog it because they go in there together and help the other with their makeup and hair

13) who gives the most compliments? they both compliment the other frequently, but Jade very often uses compliments to get Kitana out of a slump

14) i am not answering this one and can’t rephrase it in a way that i like jsgnjdkg

15) who isn’t afraid to embarrass the other in public? Jade. they both can handle attention very well, but sometimes Jade does something that is embarrassing (being loud in a quiet place, running up the street and getting stares, etc.) that leaves Kitana covering her face

16) who gives the other cringeworthy pet names? Jade. they’re never serious, but she loves seeing Kitana’s face when she calls her “sugar love bear” or “honey love” or something silly like that

17) who fusses over takes care of the other when they get sick? they both care for the other, but Jade is more likely to get along the lines of fussy. Kitana is bad to want to get out of bed and continue doing her Kahn duties even with a fever, and Jade is the one to make sure that she gets the rest that she needs

18) who finds it impossible to stay angry at the other for long? Kitana. it’s rare that she’s angry at her for longer than, like, two minutes, but she knows that Jade always acts in their best interest, so it doesn’t take her long to not stay mad

19) who clings to the other for comfort when they’re sad or scared? Kitana. she’ll silently approach Jade and hide her face in her shoulder when she’s overwhelmed, sad, scared, etc. and Jade just hugs her close and comforts her to the best of her abilities

20) who is more ‘physically passionate’? (hugs, kisses, or maybe more…) both of them are suckers for physical affection, but both of them prefer to keep it reserved for private moments

#jadana #jade #kitana #otp ask memes #asks #anonymous #mine

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rogsclogs · 5 years

Text

Some Day One Day (Brian May x Reader); part 11

Here’s a sweet and cheesy chapter for you all :) feedback is always welcomed tag list: @brighter-thanthe-sky @im-a-sheerheartattack @fruityfreddie @discodeakygotmorerhythm @killer-queen-xo @destiel-stucky4ever-loki-queen @alfinaldelarcoiriss @warren-lauren @kazzish @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @avengerraven1023 @imgonnabeyourslave If you want to be added, please message me

Enjoy!

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part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7 part 8 part 9 part 10

Neither of them remember exactly how things evolved from there, but at some point they found themselves tangled up in Brian’s silky sheets, with most of their clothes scattered all over his bedroom floor and their hands all over each other, like they depended on them to live. It was the first time they let things escalate, they were usually quick to fight the sexual tension between them that would often spark itself at the most inappropriate of times. But this time around it was just the two of them and a whole lotta love in the air, so there was no reason to stop, even though Brian asked Y/N about it multiple times, just wanting to make sure everything they did she was okay with.

She had obviously appreciated the thoughtfulness and caring side of Brian that always seemed to show when she needed it the most, but she was so head over heels for the man that she couldn't find a reason to wait any longer to let him have her.

She wanted him to have everything, her body and soul considering her mind had been his from the moment they'd first met. She wanted to feel his skin on her own and his lips gently caressing each inch of her figure, and somehow Brian knew exactly what she wanted and what she needed. It was the most passionate he’d ever been towards anyone, he wanted to be delicate yet rough when it was okay for him to be.

It had been a while since the both of them had been intimate with anyone else, making things between them even more special and worthwhile. What Y/N loved the most was how simple everything seemed to be when he was around, she wasn't scared that she would mess something up, move the wrong way or say the wrong thing, he would love her no matter what and it was unusual for her to feel so secure in any relationship, but it came naturally with him.

It was always him and it would always be him to her, him consuming her every thought and every fantasy.

That was the best night of both their lives, they were completely consumed in each other, letting their bodies intertwine, their breaths mix and their hands shake together in pleasure. She had had dreams about that moment for a very long time, so the fact that she was living it in real life was kind of mind-blowing and so incredibly exciting. Neither of them could believe how far their relationship had come, but they were so grateful for it.

She swore she’d never felt as great as the moment she felt him inside her for the first time filling her up in a way she could only describe as heavenly, especially when he let out such sweet moans and sounds from his throat as he slipped into her.

They had spent the whole afternoon and most of the night like that, switching positions every once in a while and only taking short breaks in between. They were both on cloud nine, but Y/N was the one needing the love and pleasure the most after the mess her life had been in the last few months.

The only thing that sort of worried her wasn't the night of love making itself, but rather the morning after it.

How was she supposed to act around Brian? Would things be the same or would he act distant? But most importantly, did he want to seal the deal and actually be with her for good? It certainly seemed like it from the way he’d treated her in bed, but she didn't want to assume anything in order to avoid being hurt in case that's not what he wanted.

She was the first one to wake up the next morning as the light came in from the curtains.

She slowly turned her head around, finding Brian’s lanky figure right beside her, with his arms spread over the bedsheets in weird positions. He had fallen asleep holding her the previous night, but they had both moved around quite a while in their sleep, especially Y/N since her mind was sort of troubled and agitated.

She tried to get the covers off her body without waking him up, he looked so peaceful and soft in the yellow morning light that she wanted to admire him for the rest of her life, but she also wanted to get up before him to make him some well deserved breakfast after how hard he’d worked to pleasure her the previous night.

He had done everything right, putting her needs and wants before his own like the real gentleman he was. He had gone down on her over and over again to make her see more stars than he had ever studied in his whole career, and he claimed it was his favorite thing to do in bed, as looking up at her in such a vulnerable state with her eyes closed and her mouth parted open in fulfillment was better than any orgasm of his life. Except probably the one he’d had inside her, nothing in the world could beat that feeling, even though they were careful and used protection. The last thing he wanted was to risk getting her pregnant now that her life seemed to be going exactly where she wanted it to go.

He had done so much for her that the least she could do to show how grateful she was, was to fix him breakfast.

So she stole the shirt he had been wearing the previous day, which still held onto his sweet cologne, and put her panties back on, after looking for them for quite some time. She couldn't remember where Brian had thrown them, she just remembered the hunger and desire in his eyes when he did so.

The kitchen table was full of toasted bread, fresh fruit, steaming coffee and homemade croissants when Brian joined Y/N at around 9 am. He wouldn't have to be at school until around one in the afternoon so he had all the time in the world to enjoy both his breakfast and his girlfriend, and Y/N knew it.

“You didn't have to do all of this, my love” where some of the first words he spoke to her, which also calmed her nerves a lot. Maybe he did want to be with her still, after all. He seemed to be very relaxed and in a great mood, so why was Y/N still a bit skeptical about his feelings for her? Why wasn't she able to accept that someone truly loved her?

“I wanted to, last night was one of the best of my life” she said, making a cheeky grin appear on Brian’s unshaved face. She loved a bit of facial hair on him, and she loved it even more when his head was between her legs. It was pure ecstasy.

“Oh yeah, was it now? I’m very glad to hear that baby, the feeling is mutual”.

He couldn't keep his eyes off her body for long, she just looked magnificent with bare legs and his shirt to cover the top half of her incredible body that he already wanted to have another round. She also looked well fucked, which was incredibly sexy and definitely something he could get used to waking up to.

“You look amazing this morning love, I should keep you up all night more often” her already swollen and reddened cheeks got even darker from embarrassment, making Brian let out a soft laugh and pull her in to sit on his lap from the back of her warm thighs.

She was just the most beautiful person he’s ever laid his eyes on, and even while they ate he always kept a hand somewhere on her body, to remind both her and himself that they belonged together.

Still, he could sense that there was something going on inside her mind, she was a little tense as she sat on his boney knees and he couldn't figure out what could possibly be making her behave like that after the night they’d just shared.

“Everything okay Y/N? You seem a bit off”

“I’m fine, I just... this is gonna sound so stupid”

“Nothing you say could ever be stupid” he said encouragingly

“Well, I.. I just, I’m not sure how to act around you right now” she said, making a dumbfounded look appear on Brian’s only half awake face.

“What do you mean?” He asked as he slowly started rubbing her right arm in a comforting way, the last thing he wanted was to spark another discussion between them, and he was willing to do everything in his power to make her happy.

“I don’t know what last night meant to you Brian, but it seriously meant the world to me. You mean the world to me, and I guess I am just scared that you won’t be interested in actually being with me, I don't even know why I feel this way, it’s just-”

“Hey, hey, Y/N, calm down, okay? Breathe” he lightly joked to ease some of the anxiety building up in her head.

He went to massage her shoulders with his big hands, making the girl gently moan in pleasure and throw her head back to lay on his chest.

“I don't know what brought these thoughts into your pretty head, but you gotta tell them to shut up, okay? Stop doubting my feelings for you, I know you don't mean to do that, but still. You need to trust me baby girl, I love you and yes, I want to be with you, day and night and the day after that and then the night after that and so on. I love you, I love you, I love you. Believe my words and my action, don't trust your intrusive thoughts, alright?”

His words left her speechless, no one had ever taken into account her overbearing intrusive thoughts when talking to her, but Brian understood as he always did. He knew she didn't mean to doubt him or his feelings, and he knew that she didn't mean to come off as unloving when she distanced herself from him, it was all in her head and she didn't know how to stop those thoughts. But she didn't need to, because Brian fully understood.

All she did after that was turn around on his lap so she could hug him tightly, then she placed her forehead on his shoulder and closed her eyes as his extremely warm hands worked their way under her (his) shirt to rub her back reassuringly.

That morning was pure bliss for them, especially because right after breakfast Brian carried Y/N straight back into his bedroom and they spent the next two hours fucking each other recklessly once again.

Their bliss lasted pretty much until the last available minute, until Brian really had to leave if he wanted to make it to school on time. Y/N was able to stay behind, finally being done with the test meant not having any more classes for a couple of weeks at least, so Brian had told her to take it easy and make herself at home, then he had promised to be home early, before Emily was done at daycare, so that they could have some more alone time.

As she walked around his apartment by herself for the first time, Y/N felt the happiest she had ever been: she was spending most of her time with a man she loved in their little safe nest, her academic career was finally taking off and there wasn't a single burden in her life, which was a new and strange feeling to her, but definitely something she was starting to let herself take in.

The afternoon flew by relatively quickly, after all she only stayed by herself for a little over four hours so it wasn't a big deal.

She cooked herself some pasta with vegetables for lunch and poured herself a glass of wine to go with it, then she sat in Brian’s studio for a while to read one of the many books he had written that she knew she would have to study once her master program would begin. It was all about the Milky Way formation and evolution, and she was once again blown away by how incredibly smart and well spoken Brian really was, even in written form. She suddenly felt a wave of pride run over her, which she had never felt before, but all of a sudden she cared more about his accomplishments than she did her own. He really was the best part of her.

After a while, she got bored of reading so she put away his book and grabbed his guitar instead, the one she’d admired from afar many times before. Brian had been very clear that she was more than welcomed to play it if she so desired, but it had been so long since the last time she’d even handled a guitar that she didn't feel like making a fool out of herself in front of him, who she knew very well was a sort of guitar god.

However, in that moment she was alone, so she decided to give in to her urges and place the instrument on her lap, gently stroking the strings with her fingers and humming a song by Bob Dylan, one of her favorite songwriters of all times.

She must have lost track of time from there, because when Brian finally got back home, he found her in that very same position, on his bed with her legs tucked beneath her body and softly playing his beloved guitar while only wearing his oversized shirt.

That sight made his heart so happy that he felt like he could start crying.

He swiftly placed his bag on the floor and started undressing himself, making the girl giggle in the most adorable way.

“Well, someone’s eager” Brian couldn't even find it in himself to reply with a witty comment like he normally would have, he simply pulled all bis clothes off except his underwear, then took the guitar from Y/N’s lap and placed it on the floor so he could safely push her back into his mattress and climb over her body with his own, kissing her deeply and making her feeling how needy he was and how much he’d missed her during the day.

#Some Day One Day #Brian May #Brian May x reader #brian harold may #brian may imagine #Queen #queen fandom #queen x reader #queen fic #queen imagines #queen band #imagine #borhap #borhap fandom #writeblr #fan fiction writer #fan fiction

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penny4yourthot · 5 years

Text

Broken Stranger Part -13

Summary: Torri (O/C) needs to escape her life in Seattle because of her abusive husband. When she ends up in Charming things don’t go as planned.

part-1/ part-2 / part-3/ part-4 /part-5/ part-6 / part-7 / part-8 / part-9/ part-10 / part-11 / part-12

Im so sorry for the delay in updates my new job has been crazy! hope to have the next update up next week! thanks for reading. Thanks to @ithoughtofthisusername for editing!

Immediately after Mike called, Chibs took me home and didn’t leave my side. That was almost three weeks ago and today was no different. Chibs was constantly by my side which didn’t bother me at all. When the club needed him for anything Rat would be with me but it would be no longer than a few hours.

There has been no sign of Mike coming here since the phone call. I tried to explain to the club that he wouldn’t come here right away, I knew how he worked. He was smart enough to wait a while to let my guard go down before he showed up.

It was currently 8 am and I had just woken up, tangled up in Chibs arms. Looking over at him, I noticed he was awake.

“Good morning,” I said softly with a smile on my face.

“Morning, beautiful,” he spoke as his hand went down to my lower abdomen, “and morning wee ones.” My heart was full watching him speak to the babies. Even though there was a threat hanging over my head of Mike coming here Chibs always made me feel safe.

“I’m 14 weeks today.” My voice held excitement as my hand ran over my lower abdomen where I had a bump. I definitely looked pregnant. “The babies are the size of a peach,” I smiled at Chibs.

“Aye, can’t believe how fast time is going by.”

“I can’t wait till they are here in our arms and we can kiss their little chubby cheeks.” I looked into his eyes as I spoke, “I just hope this Mike situation is over before then. I know he won’t come anytime too soon. He is waiting till our guard is down so he can come to take me.” I knew by the way he looked at me, he could see the worry in my eyes.

“Then we won’t let our guard down lass. I will do anything to keep ye safe.” As he spoke, his arm reassuringly rubbed my side.

“I know, Mike is so fucking passive aggressive, I’m just waiting for his next move,” I looked down at my stomach, “but I’m trying not to stress too much I know the babies don’t need that.”

“Aye yer right lass, it will all be okay.” He smiled at me.

I got up and stripped my pajamas, letting them fall to the floor before heading to the bathroom. “I’m going to shower feel free to join me.” I winked at him before reaching around and turning the shower on.

I stepped in as soon as the water was warm and jumped a tad when I felt Chibs arms pulling me towards him.

“Sorry lass, didn’t mean to scare ye,” he chuckled a bit as he held my back to his chest, the warm water running down both our bodies. I spun around and grabbed his soap pouring some in my hands and washing his chest.

As soon as I was done he grabbed my shampoo and lathered some on his hands and started massaging my scalp. I shut my eyes and tilted my head back loving the feeling. I rinsed my hair and opened my eyes to him staring at me.

“What?” I asked with a smile. He took some of my body wash and put it on his hands washing my chest and making his way down to my stomach being really gently.

“I love ye, Torri,” he said looking directly in my eyes. I was a tad shocked to hear him say it but I could tell he meant it by the look in his eyes.

“I love you too, Chibs.” I smiled up at him and leaned in to kiss him. He kissed me back passionately before turning me around so he could wash my back.

It was the first time I ever truly felt love in a long time.

“Your so good to me,” I said as he massaged my back.

“Ye deserve to be loved and worshiped after all the shite that arsehole put ye through.”

“I’m so lucky my piece of shit bike broke down when it did,” I said before turning back around and kissing him again.

“Aye, I am too. After ye have the babies we will get ye a proper bike, a Harley,” he smiled as we rinsed our bodies off.

Stepping out of the shower, I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my body and handed Chibs his. Grabbing my phone off the nightstand, I saw a text from Gemma ‘can you work in the garage office today? I have other shit I need to do’ I texted her back saying yes and put my phone down before putting my jeans and a SAMCRO tank top on.

“Gemma wants me in the office today so that means I’ll get to see you all day.” I smiled as I put on my black converse.

“Good, I can keep an eye on ye, make sure yer not doing too much,” he laughed as he leaned in to kiss me. “Ready to go?” He asked as he grabbed the car keys.

“Yupp, let’s go,” I replied as we left the house. Chibs opened the passenger side door for me before getting into the driver's seat.

“Thanks.” I smiled as he took off.

We got to the clubhouse quickly and, after parking, both walked up to the garage. “Hey Jax, Gem texted me she wants me in the office today,” I told him as I unlocked the door.

“It’s going to be a good day, don’t have to put up with my mother all damn day,” he laughed as he started working on the car that was in the garage.

“Ye going to be okay?” Chibs asked before grabbing his work shirt and pulling it over his t-shirt after he hung his kutte up.

“I’ll be great sitting in an air-conditioned office all day watching you fix cars.” I smiled as I sat at the desk.

“Alright ye know where to find me,” he said before walking over to the second car in the garage.

A few hours went by with a steady flow of customers. Finishing all the paperwork, I looked up and saw Chibs working on a black Chevy truck. I looked over and saw a man standing off to the side waiting.

My stomach dropped as I realized who it was. Tim, Mike’s brother stood there leaning against the garage with his arms folded over his chest staring at me.

Mike must have sent him to check on me. Or maybe to find out who the man was that took the phone two weeks ago and yelled at him not to come. I froze in fear, my hand reflectively going over my small bump in a protective measure before realizing what I was doing.

Tim’s eyes got wide as he saw my hand protectively rest over my growing tummy. I stood up quickly and walked out of the office, calling Jax over because he was about ten feet closer to me then Chibs was.

“What’s going on?” Jax asked a look of worry covering his face as he saw the fear in my eyes. He closed the office door behind him and I put my back to the door so Tim couldn’t see me through the window.

“I need you to get Chibs but don’t m-make it obvious.” I tried and failed to hold back the tears that began to fall down my face.

Jax walked out of the office and lifted up the hood to the car he was going to be working on. “Chibs, I need you for a minute, something ain’t right with this engine,” he said. Chibs walked over to him and I saw Jax whisper something to Chibs before we walked into the office shutting the door behind him.

“What’s wrong, lass?” Chibs asks, with worry in his eyes.

“That car y-your working on,” I stopped a second to wipe some tears away, “it belongs to M-Mikes brother Tim, he is standing over there and saw my belly b-because I’m s-stupid and had my hand over it,” I sobbed trying to stay quiet. “He must have sent him h-here to check on me and see if I was w-with anyone.” I couldn't control the tears that streamed down my face like a waterfall as I spoke. Chibs wiped them away and then put his hands on my face reassuringly.

“Look at me lass,” he said and continued as my eyes met his, “I will take care of tha’ arsehole. Please try to control yer breathing. Having a panic attack is no’ good for the babies,” he said as he pulled me in for a hug “ye are safe I won’t let anyone hurt ye ok?” He said before pulling back and looking at me.

I nodded and took a few deep breaths. “Tiggy, Opie, and Bobby are in the clubhouse, I’m going to call Tig and tell him to ge’ out ‘ere and handle this with me. Rat should be in there too I’ll have him take ye into the clubhouse where you’ll be safe, okay lass?” I nodded again before Chibs took out his phone and dialed Tigs number.

“I need all three of ye out ‘ere now,” he spoke quietly but firmly, “Mike’s brother is in the garage. I need Rat to come to take Torri in the clubhouse while we handle this,” he adds and then shuts his phone hanging it up.

Seconds later I watched as the four of them came out of the clubhouse and walked towards the garage all with looks of seriousness on their faces. Rat walks ahead of them and comes into the office. “Anything happens to her while ye are watching her and I’ll kill ye and make it look like an accident got it?” He asked as he pulled me in for a hug. Rat fearfully nodded and walked back to the clubhouse with me. I turned around and watched as Opie, Bobby, Tig, and Chibs walked into the garage and shut both the doors.

Tag list: @gemini0410 , @genius2050 , @rebelwriter95 , @utterlyhopeful

SOA Tag list: @i-am-sarah , @answer-the-sirens

Let me know if you would like to be tagged!

#SOA #sons of anarchy imagine #sons of anarchy #Chibs #Chibs telford #Chibs x OC #Chibs telford X OC

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dynamic-instability · 5 years

Text

In one of my classes we have to write weekly personal narratives about an experience with illness. This week, mine turned into this. It’s probably too personal, and too... immediate?? to turn in to a professor without cutting out a lot of stuff, but not too personal to post online I guess lol

_____________________________

It’s November again.

In 2009 the lights were too bright. Mid-October one morning I woke up to my dad turning on my lights and it was like having to look into the sun while posing for a photo—my eyes wouldn’t stay open, if I forced them to, they couldn’t stay pointed in one direction, they spasmed and hurt. When the light was dimmed, I still saw double. That morning, I showered in the dark, and I remember being scared. They gave me eyedrops that paralyzed my accommodative muscles. In November my pupils were giant discs and I wore reading glasses over sunglasses to look at the computer, and when it was all said and done, the lights were still too bright, and I still saw double.

In 2011 I was tired. There’s fatigue and then there’s fatigue, I learned that Fall. In May of that year I had pulled two all-nighters in a week, and that was the only other time I’d felt this kind of tired, a sensation in about the 30th hour of the second time where it’s like my brain itched. I once saw someone else online describe it as “nausea, but in your head and eyes instead of in your throat and stomach” and that’s the closest anyone else has come to describing it. By November this was happening more and more often. I remember laying down in the corner of the room during a break of Citywide choir and thinking what the hell is wrong with me? I got a cold the next week, and I thought that maybe that was all it was. It wasn’t.

In 2013 I went to the ER for the fifth time in three months of college, and when I wanted to leave before waiting another couple of hours to eventually see a doctor who would tell me once again that they couldn’t do anything to help me, the woman from student life who was there to drive me back to campus made me call my parents on speaker phone and get their permission to leave before she would turn on the car. I had missed more chemistry labs than I could afford to miss without failing, passed out in a voice lesson, was asked by the director to drop out of choir because watching me was distraction when I looked like I was in pain, and if I passed out it would have ruined the concert for everyone. I remember leaving calculus in the mornings mid-class to go to the bathroom and lay on the floor and cry. I remember not being able to lift my hand off the mattress of my dorm room bed. I withdrew from half of my classes on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, and took the Spring semester off.

In 2014 I had made a promise to myself that I would come back to college full time for that Fall semester just to see if I could do it, and then if I couldn’t I would drop out for good. There was one week where I thought that might be happening. Mid-November. The girls in my dorm had made a fort in the lounge out of sheets and blankets and colorful scarves and I remember laying on the couch through the green-filtered light and feeling the world spin and thinking oh god I still can’t do this. The door opened with a rush of cold air and my friends came in with food for me, since I’d been too sick to go to dinner. They sat with me and helped me with chemistry, offered to type up a paper if I dictated it, told jokes and made me laugh. I took an incomplete in one class, but I passed everything else, just barely scraped through, and came back in January.

In 2015 I just wanted to sleep. I passed out in an elevator and heard familiar voices, concerned voices, as I came to, and I stayed there laying motionless for another minute longer, because as long as I wasn’t awake I didn’t have to keep pushing. I wrote whole pages of completely unreadable ochem notes because my hand wasn’t working any better than my brain, and woke up on the floor and was wheeled out on a stretcher crying. It was dark all the time. My cane slipped on wet leaves and I felt my wrist crunch and there it was, one too many missed organic chemistry labs. I couldn’t stand for an entire choir rehearsal because breathing to sing made me lightheaded. I slept for 16 hours a day. The week before Thanksgiving, I called my mother to tell her I had decided to take another hardship withdrawal, and she sighed. I had applied to transfer schools during my much more optimistic Spring semester and Summer, and the week I left was also the week I found out I’d been accepted.

And so okay now it’s 2019, and it’s October and now November again, semester plan again, dark again. My reading is piling up again, feeling overwhelmed again, laying on my kitchen floor again. But here’s the thing—my health is… fine? Midterm week I didn’t sleep, and yes I passed out twice, but no ER. For the past 18 months, I can count on one hand the number of mornings I’ve been unable to get out of bed because of fatigue. My heart still pounds too hard but my head doesn’t swim every time I sit up. I walk the streets of New York City like mobility has never been a problem. I always take the stairs. My brain doesn’t itch until it’s been 30 hours no sleep.

I couldn’t go to class last week. I lay on the floor of my kitchen and stared up at the ceiling and tried to get up, tried to type out an email to my professors, and I couldn’t do it. I was not too tired. I was not too weak. I was not in pain. I could not move. I try to write and try to write and try to write and the words don’t come. I eat instant oatmeal at 9 PM because I haven’t been to the store in a month. I have lost nearly 15 pounds since moving to New York. I clean the stove for two and a half hours but can’t bring myself to take the dead spider off the side of the bathtub. I check the door lock one-two-three times, pace the floor, sit back down. I do not read Austerlitz. I write a Canvas post for Self and Other but it’s nonsense. I do not write a Canvas post for Accounts of Self. I do not write a Canvas post for Applied Writing. I write a Canvas post for Illness and Disability and somehow forget to post it, the one thing I’ve actually done, because I’m too busy feeling sick at everything I haven’t. I shadow a doctor for the clinical witnessing assignment and everything is fine but when I try to write it up I have a panic attack that leaves me sobbing on my couch and the assignment nine days late and counting. It takes me eight hours to write two pages. I watch 18 hours of YouTube video essays discussing drama about creators I don’t even watch and play a stupid game on my phone for an entire weekend until I’ve spent $25+ in a labyrinth of microtransations and every time I close my eyes I see the moving dots.

In November of 2015 I had three overdue essays for Global Literature, and two more due in the next two weeks. More than half were on books I had not read. My pre-lab wasn’t done for organic chemistry, and I wondered for a moment, if I pretended to pass out, if that would be easier. I stayed up until 4 AM laying on my floor and listening to Hamilton. I was sick, that much is true, but when I felt okay I still sat at my computer and could not bring myself to write.

In 2011 I had so many unfinished assignments for my college-level English class that I resigned myself to failing and I went to school the morning of the final class, but I hid in the stairwell by the choir room until I heard the bell, and I never went back to that class.

2009 was the year my dad stopped being able to yell at me for not doing my homework, because no one, including me, could tell whether it was actually my eyes stopping me.

In 2008 I wrote 6 essays in the 5 days of Thanksgiving break because I had not done any work for Intro to Lit all semester. I pulled it off, somehow, even aced the class because of an unusually lenient late work policy, but what I most remember is the sick feeling of dread as I lay on the floor in the living room staring up at the Christmas tree and feeling invisible sand slip through an invisible hourglass and a vice tightening in my chest.

In 2006 I stayed up almost all night writing a paper and crying my eyes out because I couldn’t find the words to explain to anyone why it had been so impossible for me to get the work done, that I wasn’t being lazy or distracted, I just couldn’t do it. I wasn’t necessarily reading YA novels or watching TV or IMing my friends instead of working, I could sit and stare at a blank word document for 6 hours straight and still it would not get done. Everyone talked about potential, talked about how smart I was, but a gradebook that is half 100’s and half 0’s still averages out to an F. No one, including me, could explain the discrepancy. The logic of that simple math was not lost on me, the knowledge that turning in half-finished or not very good work was mathematically better than not doing it, but that didn’t mean I could do it. Words failed me when I tried to explain the illogic of my particular suffering.

I didn’t hear the term executive dysfunction until I was in my 20s. In retrospect I was tentatively told at 16 that I had “probably some ADHD and OCD”, but that psychiatrist was someone I’d been sent to by a neurologist because he thought she could fix my eyes, and when she said she couldn’t, I stopped making appointments. After I got sick, physically sick, the lines blurred between what was causing what, to the point where even I have no idea. Two of the Novembers missing here are ones I spent at CC, on the block plan where I only took one class at a time. My physical health arguably improved a little after transferring in January of 2016, but mostly it didn’t, not until Spring of 2018 at least. And you can see that evidence in dropped blocks, concussions from passing out onto hard surfaces, a couple of incompletes taken when viral illnesses (or concussions) compounded my other problems. What the block plan changed was the way things pile up, lessened the struggle of constant task switching between classes. (Admittedly, I also had fewer papers when taking mostly science classes. Writing takes much more energy, and it’s much harder to convince myself it doesn’t have to be perfect to be worth submitting.) At CC nothing ever really reached the level of catastrophe. Some of that is purely the ability to drop a single block, meaning when it was my physical health that was the problem, I didn’t lose a whole semester, just one class, then reset. But I should have realized sooner that the block plan wouldn’t account for the level of improvement if my physical health had really been the only barrier.

So we’re back to now. Grad school. November again. Dark again. Semester plan again. Too much writing again. Crushing dread again. Dysfunction again. Panic attack in the middle of the night increasingly elaborate organizing rituals scream of the subway tracks in my mind can’t stop can’t start can’t breathe can’t move burnout again. This time without the explanation of chronic fatigue to fall back on.

I have my tricks, have actually learned somewhat to cope in the past 18 years. Schedules help, break tasks into pieces that are as small as possible. Mindfulness meditation. Forgive yourself when it’s not perfect. Get started with something easy, set a timer for 20 minutes and only work for those 20 minutes and then let yourself stop if you want to (and surprisingly often, you won’t want to, sometimes that momentum is all it takes). If you work better in the night, work in the night, who cares what society says your sleep schedule should be. When switching tasks, physically get up and move to a different location. Allow yourself to procrastinate on work with other work if that’s what you have to do. Delete the stupid games from your phone. One or two missed assignments are not actually the end of the world, if you let yourself view it as piling up, you won’t be able to get anything done, so if you absolutely have to, just move through and move on.

It’s not a catastrophe, this November. It’s a fight, but it’s not a catastrophe. I read Austerlitz and forgive myself for skimming it. I write a Canvas post and forgive myself when it’s only 500 words and doesn’t make complete sense. I read Toni Morrison and Édouard Louis and classmates’ discussion posts about Deaf culture and identity and remember why this matters in the first place, that it’s not just a series of assignments to overwhelm me, it’s a series of interesting complicated exhausting important thoughts and questions. I get it done. Some of it. Most of it. I let myself sleep. I breathe. I remember to be grateful because I can get out of bed in the mornings and take the stairs. I am okay.

#chronic illness #executive dysfunction #chronic fatigue #College and chronic illness #personal lol

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captain-kingliamsqueen · 6 years

Text

How To Play The Game

I really hope you all like it!! I absolutely loved writing this part!! There will be one, POSSIBLY two more parts I'm not sure yet!

Part 7 of “Always”

Pairing: Liam x Riley

Summary: Liam and Riley have the Proof they need…What will Happen to madeleine?

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

(a little bit of bad language)

Word Count: 2538

Tagged : @starstruckzonkoperatorbat @drakelover78 @queencatherynerhys @devineinterventions2 @jayjay879 @pens-girl-87 @kawairinrin @hopefulmoonobject @flyawayblue56 @gardeningourmet @blackcatkita @syltti78 @decisso @theroyalweisme @hhiggs

a little writing credit to @queencatherynerhys 😂

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TAGGED!!! IM SORRY IF I MISSED ANYONE!!

“It was me”

Liam turned his head to look at Riley. “you…done it” he whispered taking her hand in his, intertwining their fingers. “Riley…” he whispered, “do you know what this means?” he asked with hope in his eyes

“that I finally get to kick her ass?” she groaned as she reached her free hand back to touch the sore spot on her head

“hey…” Liam jumped “don’t touch it, you might pull on your bandage, and yes…it means you finally get to kick her ass” he chuckled

“so…what will happen…now that we have proof?” she asked

“well, once you are fit to go back to the palace…we will return…together…we will bring her down…together. We’ll get through it …together” he smiled

“Always” she whispered as she leaned her head against his shoulder.

“Always” he repeated before gently kissing her head

It was a few moments later when Drake knocked then entered

“Brookes” he bowed his head a little

“Drake…we got it” she smiled

“Got what?”

“proof…a confession”

“you got it?”

“Mhmmm” she nodded, biting her lip

“we have the proof we needed to bring her down and my god I can’t to do it”

“that’s amazing!” he smiled

“So…when will she be punished”

“the second Riley is allowed to leave the hospital…we will go together…to the Palace” Liam informed his friend.

“And when will she be able to leave?”

“tomorrow morning” the doctor interrupted as he walked in, he checked the machines and wires all connected to Riley to make sure everything was on point.

“really that soon?”

“yes, we don’t want to keep you any longer than we need to” he assured

“w-what about my stitches?”

“you’re on call nurse will check them…that reminds me…where was she?”

“oh…I’m assuming she’s sleeping, I didn’t want to wake her to come down to the kitchen with me, I thought I would be okay” she whispered

“well at least you’re alright now…that’s what matters” he smiled

“yes of course” Riley smiled then yawned

“I should get going” Drake informed Riley and Liam “let you get some rest” he added

“Drake…thank you” Riley smiled “for helping me”

“of course, you’re a friend riley”

“a friend? yes! I broke the tin man! Get out of here you big marshmallow” she chuckled as he laughed walking away.

“doctor?” Liam called

“yes, your Majesty?”

“would it be alright if I stayed with Riley?” he asked

“of course, would you like me to have a nurse bring in some blankets?”

“No, I’ll be okay” he assured him.

After finishing checking everything he needed to, he bid the two good night, walking out, shutting the door behind him whilst turning the room light off on the way out. Once the doctor left Liam slipped his shoes off. “May I?” he nodded to the blankets on the bed. Riley nodded as she smiled moving over to make room for him. She lifted the blanket enough for him to get under them, then she dropped it, draping it over his legs the two shuffled down the bed enough to lie down, Riley lay with her head on his chest as his arms wrapped around her holding her tight.

“Liam” Riley whispered

“yeah?” he replied.

“I love you”

“I love you too Riley…goodnight, sleep well…it’s going to be a long day”

“mmm as long as I have you by my side…everything will be fine, goodnight Liam” she whispered as she fell into a deep slumber.

Riley slept straight through the night, not waking once, Liam on the other hand…he lay wide awake, holding her all night, keeping his eyes on the door…just in case…a million thoughts ran through his head throughout the night…once they had confronted madeleine…she would be out of the picture…her and Riley…they could finally be together…and he was certain he wouldn’t let anyone try and separate them again…they could marry…build a home…a family…oh, how he loved to think of their future children…their lives together. As the thoughts crossed his mind a smile found itself on his face. He looked down at Riley, brushing a strand of hair that had fallen over her face, behind her ear, he leaned placing a kiss on her forehead.

“soon my love, soon”

It was about nine o’clock when the doctor entered the room again, he smiled when he seen the King holding Riley.

“how did she sleep?” he asked

“well, I think…she didn’t wake up” he stated.

“alright that’s a good sign.” I will come back along when she wakes” the doctor smiled then left the room.

Around 20 minutes later Riley mumbled, her eyes slowly flickering open as she stretched then moaned from the ache of her wounds.

“good morning” Liam smiled down at her.

“mmm it is a good morning when I wake up to see your face” she smirked “I could get used to this”

“I agree, my love…it makes a god start to the day” he smiled

The doctor returned just a little later, after giving Riley the all clear, they prepared to leave the hospital.

Liam helped Riley dress in some clothes that Drake had brought for her this morning, once she was ready and he had his shoes on, he took her arm gently and helped her to the wheelchair she had been told she had to use despite her arguments with the doctor that she didn’t need it.

Riley placed her things on her knee, then Liam, Drake and herself headed out through the back door of the hospital to where Bastian had driven the king to the day before. They climbed into the car and headed for the palace.

It was a short 30 minutes between leaving the hospital and arriving at the palace.

“are you ready?” Liam asked Riley

“oh I’m more than ready…the first hits going to connect with her jaw…then I’m going to get her chest…right where I was hit with the bullet…then I’m going to drop my bag ass ankle cast right on her foot until I hear it snap…then-oh maybe if I kill her…we can bury the body in the grave she had them dig for you…now that would be just…karma coming round in full circle ”

“Riley…you can barely walk with that cast on” Liam smirked

“what? A girl can dream!” she sighed

“c’mon it’s time to deal with the devil” he sighed as Bastian opened the door and he stepped out, reaching his hand out to Riley, helping her climb out of the car then handed her the crutches the doctor had given her. As Liam climbed out of the car and the people seen him…gasps were heard all around

“The King!?”

“he’s Alive?!”

“Long Live the King!” one man shouted causing a wave effect through the crowd.

“LONG LIVE THE KING!” they chanted. Liam smiled at the reassurance from his people

“I will be out to address you shortly!” he assured them then helped Riley inside. On their way in he demanded that the palace staff don’t inform madeleine of his return. One of the staff informed him that the Duchess was in her study. Liam, Drake and Riley Headed for the study with Bastian and the rest of the king’s guard on their tail, clearing the halls of all the staff on their way there.

Once they reached the door, Liam squeezed Riley's hand.

“this is it.”

“this is it.” she repeated.

Liam took the handle in his free hand and slammed the door open, the three walked inside to see Madeleine, sitting on the desk…with her skirt hiked up to her waist and the shooter from the Race track with his hands up her shirt. As the door slammed against the cabinet just beside it madeleine jumped, pushing the man back and pulling her skirt down. Her eyes widened when she seen Liam and Riley…both alive…both there in front of her.

“I-I should go” the man stuttered as he walked towards the door. Liam placed his hand on the man’s chest with force. The man gulped avoiding any eye contact

“you! Are not going anywhere!” he stated

“Liam! You’re alright!” Madeleines fake ass tried to act thankful that he was okay

“Riley…I heard about your fall”

“yes madeleine…we are fine…well as fine as we can be after someone tried to kills us” Liam stepped closer to her “you know after Riley was shot…an investigation started…someone tried to kill me we had to find out who” he moved a little closer “oh but then…then someone tried to kill me again…a car accident…so…I decided to play their game…so I “died”…they thought they got away with it…they let down their guard…but you see madeleine…they forgot one minor little detail” Liam took one final step, standing toe to toe with madeleine, he looked down on her like she was something he just stood on in the street “I am the king…I may not be present sometimes…but I have eyes and ears everywhere…I knew it was you before I even got in the crash…”

“me? I d-don’t know what you’re talking about?”

“SHUT UP!” Liam shouted making both Riley and madeleine jump “QUIT THE ACT! WE KNOW WHAT YOU DID…WE KNOW EVERYTHING! YOU PLAYED WITH OUR LIVES LIKE A GAME…NOW IM SHOWING YOU TO FUCKIN PLAY IT AND HOW TO FUCKIN WIN!!! OUR LIVES ARE NOT YOURS TO PLAY WITH! THIS COUNTRY NEEDS A QUEEN THAT’S GOING TO FIGHT FOR HER PEOPLE BESIDE ITS KING! NOT AGAINST HIM!”

“and what proof do you have?” Madeleine smirked knowing the jig was up

Liam gestured for Riley to hand him her phone. He opened the recording and pressed play. You could see the moment madeleines chest fell out of her ass.

“y-you’re going to believe that little…tramp over me?” Liam's eyes filled with rage

Riley handed him her crutches as he stepped back knowing that she needed this…she stepped forward calmly, standing toe to toe with madeleine, she balled her fist up raising her arm, like a catapult it flew forward, connecting with madeleines jaw. Madeleine was knocked off balance, causing her to be knocked to the floor by the second punch. Riley dropped down, with her knees either side of madeleine, she punched her repeatedly.

“BITCH! I…AM…MORE…OF...A…QUEEN…THAN…YOU…WILL…EVER…BE! I…WILL…HAVE…YOUR…HEAD…ON…A…PLATTER!!!” Riley's fists connected with madeleine between every word, she was stopped when Liam wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to her feet. With tears running down her face she tried to control her breathing, clenching her knuckles from the pain, knowing they would be bruised tomorrow.

“is t-that all you’ve g-got?” madeleine coughed painfully Liam turned to her as Drake moved beside Riley. Liam reached down grabbing Madeleine by the collar of her shirt, he pulled her to her feet, pinning her to the closest wall.

“TREASON! THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO BE CHARGED WITH! TREASON! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? DEATH!! YOUR THREE FAILED ATTEMPTS ON OUR LIVES…RESULTS IN YOUR DEATH! YOU WILL BE REMEMBER AS THE WOMAN WHO TRIED TO KILL THE KING…YOU WERENT FIGHTING FOR CORDONIA! YOU’RE HER BIGGEST ENEMY!!” Liam looked over at Bastian “get her out of my sight!” Bastian demanded two of the king’s guard take madeleine to the cells beneath the palace and that they make sure…they guard her with their lives.

Once madeleine was out of the room, Liam turned to the shooter… “YOU!” He bellowed as he pulled him by his shirt to stand in front of him

“y-your Majesty…I’m sorry…I-I was just following orders!” the man surrendered

“FROM A WOMAN…WHO IS NOT YOUR QUEEN…I GIVE THE ORDERS…I AM YOUR KING…DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME! YOU ALSO COMITTED TREASON!!”

“No! Your Majesty…I was paid by duchess madeleine to do it!”

“YOU HAD A CHOICE! YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE! NOW YOU MUST PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID!! WHAT IS YOUR NAME?!”

“Louis…Louis Byrd”

“LOUIS BYRD…I AM HERE BY CHARGING YOU WITH TREASON TO THE CROWN! GUARDS TAKE HIM AWAY!” Liam stood back as the king’s guard pulled the man out of the room.

Liam turned to Riley, taking her hand in his, he moved to her, wrapping his arms around her he placed a kiss on her head as he calmed his breathing

“are you alright?” he whispered

“yes…that felt great” she replied

“Bastian…have the press here in 10 minutes…I will be addressing the country then.”

“Of course, your majesty” Bastian nodded then left.

“well…that was intense” Drake spoke

Ten minutes later the press waited outside for the king to come out of the palace, when he walked out, the cameras went crazy, with paparazzi shouting questions at him left, right and centre. He stood tall waiting for silence, after a few minutes, everyone had quietened down.

“people of Cordonia, I know you must be surprised to see me standing here today… and you may be a little confused…I understand…over the last week, there has been two attempts on my life and one on Duchess Riley's, the first being the shooting at the racetrack where miss Brookes was hit…with a bullet meant for me…the second was the car crash in which it was portrayed that I had passed away…the third was when Miss Brookes was drugged and pushed down the stairs in the palace resulting, all of these were conducted by the same person, Duchess Madeleine.” As soon as he said her name the paparazzi went crazy with questions “after the shooting at the racetrack, an investigation was started, just before I was in the car accident, I was informed that duchess madeleine was behind it. She wanted the crown to herself. When I was told that it was the duchess, I decided that the best way to smoke her out was to give into her game…make her think I was no longer an issue…after she heard of my passing, she let her guard down, before pushing miss Brookes down the stairs, she confessed to being behind everything and thanks to miss Brookes quick thinking…we have her confession on tape. She is currently being held along with her partner Louis Byrd who helped her with her plans, I come out here today to assure you that I am well…and that Duchess Madeleine will be dealt with, she will be treated like the criminal she is. There will be no questions as I have a matter of things to deal with that need my urgent assistant, however in a few days I will be holding a Q and A for your assurance, thank you for listening” he smiled then stepped off the podium, taking Riley's hand in his, he smiled at her before they headed back into the palace.

As everyone bustled around them Liam stopped Riley after the main doors closed, he stood in front of her smiling.

“we did it” he smiled

“yes, we did” she giggled nodding before leaning up on her tiptoes, placing her hands on the back of his head, lacing her fingers through his hair, she kissed him passionately.

“Liam?” She whispered as she pulled back

“yeah?” he smiled leaning his forehead against hers as he placed his hand on her cheek gently.

“what happens next?”

“a love story, my love” he smirked before wrapped his arms around her, he leaned down placing a kiss on her lips, as he smiled he lifted her, spinning her around, laughing as they shared sweet pecks.

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