#and i’m maybe a bit overwhelmed by it all
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Can I have Alastor getting a bj please??
Of course you can! 🤤 I decided to have some fun with it and added a bit of color to it. Let me know what you think! Hope you enjoy! ✨️
XOXO,
RedVexi 💋
🔞 Tell Me I'm Punny 🔞
Summary: You may have told Alastor that he wasn't punny and now...well...let's just say it was a mouth-opener.
Warnings: alastor makes puns while receiving oral sex, alastor being a brat, alastor kind of being a jerk, blow job, reader is gender neutral, swallowing, smut, teasing, reader is a brat too
Your jaw throbbed with a delicious ache as you gazed up at Alastor, his eyes narrowing with a mischievous glint, his grin wide and knowing. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes, hardly believing that this act was the repercussion for daring to criticize his terrible puns.
Maybe once, or twice, or perhaps three times? But who could blame you? His puns were truly dreadful.
But any thoughts of protest were silenced by a muffled moan that escaped your throat as the hot, silken flesh pressed deeper into your mouth. It was a sensation like no other, overwhelming, intoxicating.
The heady mix of heat and silkiness shot shivers down your spine. Each inch of him that slid past your lips was met with delicious surrender.
“Nice and snug, dear, wouldn’t you say?” Alastor’s voice carried a jovial tone, though a slight hitch in his breath betrayed his composure as your tongue slowly teased and caressed the underside of his cock.
You savoured the taste of salt and musk, mingled with the essence of him, flooding your senses like the fiery brimstones of Hell. Each sensation heightened, every touch a taste of delicious torment that fed your desire to an uncontrollable inferno.
“Now, wouldn’t you say I’m quite punny?” Alastor’s question threw you off balance. You wanted to groan at the pettiness of it all, that he was put out that you didn’t call him punny earlier today.
He withdrew his cock for a space for you to breathe, to respond, but before you could even utter a single god damn breath, he took control, squeezing the head of his cock between your lips, sliding it with irresistible force and insistence that left you literally breathless.
Deeper and deeper he pushed, until he hit the back of your throat, claiming you, stamping you with his seal of approval.
You choked, the tight seal of your mouth struggling to contain the overflow of spittle that gathered before spilling around him, forming a glistening pool on the carpet below. Your glare met Alastor’s gaze, a silent challenge amidst the frenzy of his desire, your desire.
But as your grip tightened around the base of his cock, a soft gasp escaped his lips. With fervour and hunger that bordered on desperation, you devoured him, your tongue tracing every sensitive ridge and crevice, peeling back his foreskin to reveal more of him, to taste more of him.
“Oh dear, you have quite the naughty mouth on you,” Alastor panted, his grin widening as his hips jerked in tandem with your strokes. “Quite a naughty mouth, indeed.”
The room filled with the sounds of suckling, mingled with the gathering spits, punctuated by your own moans that bounced off the walls. You could sense from the irregular rhythm of his breathing that he was nearing the edge, on the brink of release.
But just before he reached the pinnacle of pleasure, he drew back, leaving you aching and hungry. With a tilt of his head and his face adorning his shit-eating grin, he asked - no - he commanded you, “Now, tell me I’m punny.”
The massive ego on this man was truly insurmountable. Once again, you were on the verge of retorting, ready to poke fun at his inflated sense of self, but the moment you opened your mouth, he thrust his cock back into you with renewed urgency.
Your mouth opened instinctively as he increased his speed, the head of his cock rubbing against your tongue furiously. His movements, relentless, uncontrolled, leaving your tongue to chase him to keep up with the onslaught of sensation.
“What’s wrong?” a gasp then a jerk, “you’re usually so mouthy,” again, another gasp between breaths, his words dripping with amusement and pleasure. But before you could even form a coherent thought, he winced and released a hot flood of his thick cream into your mouth.
The taste of him was all you could register, a potent mixture of salt and bitterness that was unmistakably him. You closed your mouth and looked up, trying to swallow his essence down just the way he wanted you to. You felt the warmth of him spreading through you with every gulp.
With a laugh that echoed through the room, Alastor quipped, “My, nothing to add, dear?” His grin widened staring at your lips. “I’m sure it was quite the...mouthful.”
Rolling your eyes, you swallowed the last bit of him and couldn’t resist the smile that danced along your lips.
His puns were adorable, in their own twisted little way, weren’t they?
#drabble#alastor the radio demon#alastor fanfiction#hazbin alastor#alastor x reader#alastor#hazbin alastor x reader#hazbin hotel fanfiction#hazbin alastor x you#hazbin hotel#x reader#reader insert#reader is gender neutral#alastor x you#alastor x oc#alastor scenario#alastor request#redvexillum answers#hazbin fanfic#alastor imagine#alastor smut#hazbin smut#hazbin hotel smut#alastor x reader smut#fanfic writing#fanfiction#reader smut#ao3 writer#divider creds: cafekitsune
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she’s thunderstorms
luke castellan x reader (MDNI)
beautiful patterns on the window pane
summary: you and luke agreed to be friends with benefits, but that all changes for you after a climactic moment together. luke knew his feelings before this agreement, but yours are a sudden revelation.
word count: 4.2k
warnings: zeus!reader, talks about greek tragedies/violence, angst if you squint, smut MDNI! (warnings under the cut). clarisse x silena. reader wears a bikini. percabeth mentions. reader has long enough hair for two braids
author’s note: this is based off of this post i saw! also, this is my first time writing something creatively in a whopping FIVE years! so please be kind <3 this will be a small series that i have planned out, but i want to see how this is received before committing!
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smut warnings: oral (f receiving), unprotected sex (don’t do that), p in v, slight breeding kink maybe, praise, pet names. little bit of dom reader and sub luke but nothing too obvious
a forbidden child. gods and monsters alike all wanted you to pay for a life you didn’t even ask for. you had tried leaving camp occasionally, opting to try and live a somewhat normal life but it wasn’t possible as a child of the king of the gods. you always made your way back to camp half-blood, and back to the only place that feels like home.
this summer the heat is overwhelming. any day where you weren’t forced to teach combat or how to make friendship bracelets meant taking advantage of the empty beach that overlooked long island sound. your reprieve from the heat was typically spent with other campers. silena beauregard and clarissa la rue joined you today, and all three of you rested on towels underneath the bright sun.
“where’s luke?” clarisse asks, handing you a bowl of strawberries from the picnic basket you three had packed at lunch.
“oh, him and chris are stuck on dish duty,” silena explains with a shrug, not caring about the fact she’s to be blamed for their absences. “their cabin was a big mess this morning, and it was the nicest job i could give them. cabin nine is on stable duties right now. can’t have charlie thinking i’m soft on him. lee’s at an infirmary shift i think.”
“you are soft on him,” clarisse teases and silena scrunches her nose at her taller girlfriend. the latter shoves a strawberry into the former’s mouth with a laugh. “what? it’s no different than my friendship with chris, and i am not afraid to admit i’m soft on him. they're our exes.”
“y/n’s not soft on her exes, she’s only soft on her boy toy,” silena points out, and you lift your sunglasses to rest them on the top of your head. you narrow your eyes at the daughter of aphrodite.
“i don’t have any exes, and he is not my boy toy.”
“no, he’s just your best friend who you occasionally fuck and are completely in love with.”
“but you’re not denying that you have a soft spot for him?” silena smirks. of course, you are soft for luke castellan.
the son of hermes was the first person you met at camp and had been your best friend since you were fifteen. no matter how prideful you were, there was no chance of denying your loyalty to the boy who had been at your side for the last four years.
“it’s not like that,” you say to clarisse, ignoring silena’s question. “it’s strictly platonic. we have an agreement.”
“yeah, yeah, we know you don’t do relationships,” silena interjects, stating it as if it’s the biggest sin someone could commit. you suppose it may be to her; she was a favorite of her mother, and everything she did and said was full of love.
“no fighting, you two.”
“rich coming from you.”
“y/n!”
“what? i was joking!”
“it’s so funny,” clarisse deadpans, and the three of you begin to laugh. you put your empty bowl back into the picnic basket and pull your band tee off before pushing yourself up to stand.
“can we swim now?”
“give me a second,” the daughter of aphrodite says and takes your hand to stand. covering her swimsuit is a floor-length pink sundress that you’re certain was the reason she and clarisse happened to be late to the beach.
silena may have inherited desire from her mother, but clarisse inherited passion from her father. you never would have pinned clarisse to like fashion, but anytime silena wore a sundress it was bad news for anyone around them. once she sheds the dress, clarisse grabs her hand and runs towards the water. you trail behind them, enjoying the sight of two of your closest friends' love for each other.
truth be told, you did envy them to some extent. the average demigod's lifespan was already short, and yours was even shorter. making it to nineteen was a miracle in and of itself.
it didn’t seem fair to rope someone else into a romantic greek tragedy. you would only do it if you were the one left behind. but as a forbidden child, that was and will never be an option. you are the eurydice, the hyacinthus, the daphne, and the achilles. in every version of your story, death would be your only option. grief would be a privilege.
by the time the boys finished their chores, they came into view with a few stragglers behind them. “oh, great. i thought the point of beach days was that they were childless.”
“who even is it?” you ask after silena splashes clarisse for her comments.
“looks like that fucking new kid.”
“you stay away from him, clar.”
“no promises, love.”
“oh, are you talking about percy jackson?”
“yeah, he failed his cabin inspection too,” silena answers you. if you had a soft spot for anyone, it would undoubtedly be the only other forbidden child at camp (sans your pine tree sister). luke spent a lot of time training percy, and you spent a lot of time voicing your experiences and frustrations with each other.
“he’s the only one in his cabin.”
“so is y/n, and she hardly ever makes it in the top five,” silena points out and you splash her. the boys set down their stuff, and you notice percy getting pushed by another girl. you make your way onto the shore as percy sprints past you with annabeth right on his heels.
“hey, stormy,” luke greets you. you swat at his hand which tries to touch your hip and push him away from you with a laugh. he gets his hands back on you and pulls your back flush against his chest. his hand snakes around to rest on the lower part of your belly. “can you blame me for wanting to get my hands on you when you look this good?”
“luke!” you chastised. before summer started, you both had snuck out of camp to go shopping with the money your mom had sent you. when you tried on the royal blue bikini, luke’s jaw had gone slack and you knew you had to buy it. he looks at you with a smirk once you spin around, and you stand on the tip of your toes to whisper in his ear. “you can do that later.”
“gods,” he mumbles and watches as you run back into the water. you cup a handful of water and throw it at percy who retaliates by sending a wave of water down on top of you.
luke feels like he can’t breathe when he sees you laugh and squeeze the water out of your soaking braids. he watches your hands and feels his heartbeat race as he sees you adjust the bottoms of your swimsuit.
“stop staring,” lee fletcher nudges him with a smile, and chris nods from beside him. the boys relentlessly tease luke at every chance they get. they knew to keep the information about you and luke to themselves but he was a loudmouth. he had trouble keeping it in when you were such a beautiful person to love on.
“i need to go help lena with clarisse before she tries to kill percy,” chris groans and runs into the water when percy accidentally splashes her in the process of trying to get annabeth. beckendorf follows him to help, but silena successfully stops clarisse’s anger with a kiss. luke wishes he could be so open with his affection for you.
he pulls his shirt off and sets it down beside yours. he catches your smile when he begins his descent into the water, and your eyes dip down to his v-line that pokes out from his swimming trunks. gods, he is going to kill you someday.
“y/n,” annabeth drags out your name and tugs on your arm, “play chicken with me and percy, please?”
“sure, you want castellan in on it?”
“luke,” she calls out and wades over to him. he smiles at her and tries to shake his head, but the young girl tugs him over until you are face to face with his pout.
“this feels unfair, stormy. why did you say yes?”
“just bend down,” you instruct and he blushes. he would be lying if he said he doesn’t love when you order him around.
“yes, ma’am.”
you push yourself up onto the lithe boy’s shoulders, just as a wave pulls annabeth out of the water and onto percy’s shoulders. she squeals in surprise, and he latches onto her hands to keep her balanced. you smile at the two, and look over at silena who sends you a silent message: percy is trying to impress annabeth. he likes her, and you know the daughter of athena well enough to recognize those feelings are returned.
annabeth calls your name, and you find yourself tugging and pushing against her to try and knock her off of her perch. luke’s grip on your thighs is distracting, especially as you feel him move his hands higher up at each opportunity. your heart speeds up in your chest and you can’t tell if it’s from the hands teasing the flesh on your legs or from the excitement of pushing the girl into the water.
percy groans and dips under the water to find her, while you and luke cheer. you try to coax him to look up at you but fail to move his head and feel a sharp, pleasurable pain on your thigh. you smack his chest, and he looks up at you with a wide grin. your heart drops to your stomach when you see the deep red mark presenting itself on your thigh. you splash water at his face when you hop down from his shoulders and he winces. “did you fucking bite me?”
“that,” he pauses and pulls you flush against him, “is payback for annabeth wanting me to go to the infirmary last week for the hickeys you left.”
“oh.”
it wasn’t very often that luke was able to make a mess of you in public. usually, you force him to keep it behind closed doors. he stares down at you with a smirk, enjoying the pink dusting your cheeks.
he spins you and wraps his arms around you from behind. you were familiar with this dangerous dance of his, one that he does when he wants you. “it would be a shame if a storm were to ruin our beach day, and we had to go back to your cabin.”
“a shame indeed,” you agree, and feel a tug in your stomach as you hold your hand towards a faraway point of the rocky shore. lightning strikes down, and a scream comes from percy as rain clouds begin forming overhead. annabeth laughs at her boy’s antics and runs with him as he tries to get to the shore as fast as possible. “you’re going to have to work a little harder than that to get what you want.”
“y/n, luke! come on!” silena calls and luke whines as you push off of him. he watches as you saunter out of the water, one hand behind you as you wield more storm clouds into camp. he slowly follows you and dies when you pull your tee shirt over your head. your ass pokes out from the bottom of the arctic monkeys shirt he had gotten with a five-finger discount at a concert you had snuck into. he would do anything you want right now if you were alone on this beach.
you turn around and toss him your towel, which blinds him as it lands directly on his face. you and percy laugh together, and luke just stands in defeat until he feels the fabric fall off his face. you move and stop yourself in front of him to wrap the towel around his neck as if it’s a cape. the smile on your face as you dry off his shoulders and chest makes him fully believe you were made for him. he says a silent prayer to zeus. he finds himself praying to your father more than ever. only the king of the gods could bring such an ethereal being to life. he’s sure that you were more divine than human.
“you like this, don’t you?” you ask. luke leans his face into your hands as you dry his hair off.
“hmm?”
“me taking care of you,” you add, causing him to blush. he takes the towel from you and covers his face again. “nothing to be embarrassed about, pretty boy. you know i like it, too.”
“stormy,” he groans and you rip the towel off his face.
“c’mon guys, we need to get back to our cabins before the storm starts,” lee ushers everyone off the shore.
“it just came out of nowhere,” percy pouts, saddened by the rain ruining his swimming.
“yeah, super weird, perce,” silena agrees and narrows her eyes at you. you tug luke with you as you run off into the tree line with him. far enough away from both the beach and the cabins is when you find yourself pushing luke against the trunk of a tree. he smiles down at you, his cheeks red, and he reminds you vividly of the first time you decided to sleep together.
bruises litter his skin as you kiss a path up his chest back to his neck. his hands grip your thighs and you let out quiet sighs when he squeezes them ever so slightly. you sit up, your core resting lightly on him, and grind down on him. his eyes close at the movement and he lets out a low groan, his grip becoming tighter. it feels more intimate than anything you have done. your best friend squirms underneath you, and you feel a love and desire unlike any before.
you cup his cheeks and instruct him to open his eyes. he looks at you with heavy lids, and a heavy, warm feeling erupts in your chest. his cheeks are flushed, and he has a small content smile on his face. you feel like the most important person in the world; you feel like more than just a daughter.
you dip down and kiss him hard, a moan surprising the both of you from the back of his throat. you roll your hips against his again and open your mouth in surprise at how hard he is. his head falls back against your pillow, and you begin to kiss along his jaw, “is this okay?”
“yeah, that’s — that’s okay, y/n,” he speaks through gasps and you smile against his skin. he feels your teeth against his adam’s apple and murmurs your name again. “please, keep going. don’t stop.”
luke’s mouth on yours brings you out of your reverie. his hands toy with the end of your shirt, and he slips his tongue into your mouth when you gasp. his fingertips trace lightly over your core on your bikini bottoms, and your hands grip his arms tightly. you can hear your friends closing in from a distance. “we can’t be doing this here, luke.”
“i want you,” he whines when you circle his wrist with your fingers to pull it away. you let go and walk backwards in the direction of the camp with him walking slowly towards you, like a predator to prey.
“come get me then,” you tell him and turn to sprint towards your cabin. he has an advantage in sword fighting, but you will always be faster than him. he gains ground on you with his long legs, but you run into your cabin before him. his chest heaves by the time you let him lay you down on the bed.
luke likes you in control of him, teasing and teaching him where you like to be touched. he enjoys you teaching him new things about himself, where he’s most sensitive, and what makes him cum fastest. he loves when you relinquish control once in a while and you let him divulge and enjoy every part of your body that he can.
what luke castellan enjoys most is when your body shakes as he eats you out. he knows you love it, too, by the eagerness with which you allow the bottoms of your bikini to be removed.
he applies light pressure to your clit with his tongue and pushes your hips down to prevent you from squirming away from him. fervent moans leave your body, and your thighs squeeze his head. the way his tongue quickly switches from kitten licks to lapping makes your head spin until his name comes out like a mantra, like a prayer. luke, luke, luke. you’re tempted to give gratitude to the gods for blessing you with such a lover.
when he kisses you, you wrap your legs around his waist and rake your fingers through his hair. he pulls away and nuzzles his face into your neck. you wrap your arms around him, in a tight hug, and a contented sigh leaves his lips. he enjoys moments where you let him love you too.
his feelings remain unknown to you, but each time he finds himself touching you, tasting you, and feeling you around him is reason enough to enjoy your friendship as it is. although, truly, he feels this is something that even friends don’t do. you confirm his suspicions when you manage to flip him and remove his swim trunks. no friend that he knows of could ever touch him so easily, get him to breathe so heavily, and make him nearly cum with just a few strokes.
“leave your shirt on,” he breathes out, his breathing heavy from you guiding him inside you. he fills you completely, and a sigh escapes your lips. your eyes meet each other and luke believes you look like royalty with the soft glow of the sunset in the background creating a halo around your head. your hair is in two braids — something he was sure clarisse did for you — and he toys with the ends, trying to steady his breathing as you remain reluctant to move.
“why?”
“truthfully, you look stunning in nothing but that shirt?”
“this shirt?” you laugh, and he groans as he feels you tighten around him. his head falls back against his pillow, and you move your hips in slow, languid circles against him.
it’s hard to keep serious, to act like he doesn’t press against your walls in the most perfect ways. like he doesn’t make you feel better than any person before him. you rest a hand on the nape of his neck and push lightly so he is forced to look at you. you try to remain calm, despite the building pressure. “clarisse always goes crazy when silena wears sundresses. you feel that way with these shirts?”
“yes,” he sighs. you often find yourself being asked to keep the band tees on during sex that he has stolen for you. luke can’t explain it, there’s just something so electric about something he has gotten you adorning your body. the bands, and the music, brought you much passion and you when you were passionate was something that drove him up a wall.
he couldn’t deny that your frame adored by the graphic band tees was something he thought about while fucking his fist when he failed to have you. now that he has you, he tries his best to share what turns him on the most. “you look like royalty.”
“i am,” you retort, and increase the pace of your hips. you groan and lean down to rest your forearms on either side of his head. he looks at you, eyes full of bliss, and he sits up enough to smash your lips together. you moan into his mouth, struggling to keep your wits when it feels so good. “what do you want, pretty boy?”
luke takes a second to comprehend your question. he’s whimpering and gripping your sides hard enough to leave bruises. sometimes you wonder if you are made for each other when he fucks you this well. he tries to take a deep breath, but his breath comes out in shutters. “can i mark you up?”
“f-fuck, yeah,” you mutter, and he sits up, his confidence increasing from the stutter in your words. he wraps his arms around your back, pulling you tight against him. he nibbles at your neck, running his tongue over the marks to soothe them. you are sure you have reached elysium; his teeth on your neck, and his hands guiding your hips as you rock against him. “luke?”
this is the most control you have ever granted him. he relishes the opportunity to make you fall apart and wonders why it all suddenly feels so different as you struggle to keep up your pace. on the other hand, you found yourself experiencing similar thoughts. you are more relaxed this time, more comfortable with allowing him to do whatever he wants with your body. it’s true intimacy, you finally allow yourself to relinquish what led you to sex in the first place: control.
“yeah?”
“i-i want, um, i want,” you pause, taking in a gasp of air. he feels so good, so godly. you feel pathetic but fail to care. you know luke would never use this vulnerability against you. it’s hard to focus when he fills you so perfectly to the point where you are nearly knocked over the edge.
“what do you want, princess?” he asks, and you blush at the near-pornographic moan that leaves your throat. you rest your forehead on his shoulder, trying to hide your flushed cheeks. he reaches between your sweaty bodies and begins to rub harsh circles on your clit, causing a high-pitched whine to leave your throat. “c’mon, princess, you're doing so good. tell me what you want.”
“fuck,” you cry, biting down on his shoulder to prevent another loud moan from escaping your mouth. he groans and quickened his pace on your clit, causing another string of whimpers to leave you. you are entirely sure that you have never remained on edge for so long. you want to scream, to shout his name to anyone who will hear. you don’t even care if the whole camp hears. the praises, the nicknames, it’s all so new and so invigorating.
“please, talk to me.”
“i’m so close.”
“me too, baby. where do you want me to finish?”
“luke,” your voice comes out as a whine again, “cum in me.”
few words escape either of you, they are replaced with lewd sounds loud enough to only increase your arousal. he channels his unraveling with fast, rough movements on your clit, and with his mouth sucking on your neck.
you cum first, squeezing him within an inch of his life. he removes his fingers from your core, and places them on your hips, lifting and slamming you down on his cock. you nearly scream, the feeling so overstimulating after two orgasms.
when he finally cums in you with a groan, you clench around him, milking every last drop you can get. when you first slept together (and every consecutive time following), you felt embarrassed at the idea of him cumming inside of you being so hot.
he assures you each time that he feels the same, but you never have the confidence to let it happen. now you couldn’t care less at the idea as he collapses onto his back with you falling on his chest.
both of you are unsure of how long you lay there, but it’s long enough for him to soften inside of you. every movement leaves you whimpering, so spent from the activities of the day. he holds you tight, and you trace shapes and letters on his chest as he tries to guess them.
when he finally falls asleep, you pull yourself off him and admire the soft, kind boy beside you. you trace the scar on his face, and lean up to kiss the corner of his mouth. he doesn’t so much as stir in his sleep, and you catch yourself tracing three letters on his chest: I, L, Y.
luke is clueless of this as he sleeps, which you thank the gods for. love was never something you thought you would experience, but this surely had to be it, right? this was something so spectacular and ground shaking to you.
there were parts of yourself that he knew of that you would never tell anyone. you were fucked, you knew this the first time he made you cum. all of that pent up tension was more than sexual frustration, it was desire and blooming feelings you tried to hide from the moment you met him.
no one matches the feeling in your chest when he smiles. no one matches the butterflies in your belly when he pays you attention. no one ever has and ever will receive the same love you give luke, and maybe this is the moment where you finally will accept that it’s okay to love the son of hermes.
#tomi writes#luke fic recs#luke castellan fic#luke castellan imagine#luke castellan smut#luke castellan x reader#luke castellan x you#sub luke castellan#luke castellan#zeus reader#luke castellan x zeus!reader#lee fletcher#ruegard#pjo fanfic#luke castellan fanfic#please be nice
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I loved the “that’s my girl” small post with ni-ki could you maybe do more of it if that’s okay? you don’t have to!!🫶
strawberry milkshake with brown sugar and honey.
featuring: ni-ki as readers bf! reader as ni-kis gf! rest of the enhypen members shy and girly reader fluff&fluff&fluff reader being referred to as baby/love affectionate words/words of affirmation not proofread
a/n: i’m so sorry for taking so long… i absolutely forgot about this request (i’m terribly sorry, from the bottom of my heart) but here you go, i hope im not too late…
i don’t need to be perfect…
it was a lovely day. the sun was shining, birds were chirping outside, it wasn’t too warm but it wasn’t cold either. the perfect weather to go out, right?
if it wasn’t for ni-ki who decided to practice today, on his free day, his day off…
“ni-ki, the others are waiting for you…” your voice was so soft that ni-ki described it as a
‘strawberry milkshake with brown sugar and honey’
whatever that was supposed to mean…
his eyes were solely focused on his reflection in the mirror, beads of sweat dropping down his face as he went through the choreography one more time,
“i’m almost done, baby,” he responded, his voice sounding hoarse and a little tired but he always managed to cover up the fact that he was entirely exhausted, “i’ll be done in a second.”
a couple of minutes passed before he walked over to the macbook, closing all the tabs and shutting the computer off, making his way towards you with a soft smile on his face, “thanks for waiting, love.”
the members decided to go out to eat later that evening to celebrate their upcoming album. ni-ki obviously couldn’t stand the thought of going without you, even though you told him that “it’s fine! i wasn’t working with you guys on that album!”
he didn’t care. he needed you there with him because, in his words, “you were my inspiration.” and with that, he pulled you along to the dinner with a proud smile on his face, “no is not an option.”
of course, since your first meeting with the others you managed to open up a bit more, you talk a lot more with them, you occasionally hang out with them too but you just couldn’t help the butterflies that erupted in your stomach whenever you were on such events with the group.
your hands were sweaty and shaky as you looked through the menu that the restaurant provided, ni-ki constantly whispering ‘you’re doing good’s and ‘if you need a break, tell me, okay?’s in your ear to encourage you.
he was really the sweetest you could ever ask for, even if you still had a hard time with not feeling overwhelmed whenever he did something remotely romantic, sweet or kind.
you were his sunshine and he was the one keeping you smiling, keeping you from falling down, holding you warm and steady…
<33
@echoofnoise00 @j-wyoung @squoxle
#chaenqen#—requested#—ni ki#—cuddly#enhypen#enhypen imagines#kpop#enhypen x reader#enha#enhypen drabbles#enhypen reactions#niki#heeseung#jake#ni ki x reader#ni ki fluff#ni ki imagines#ni ki smut#enha niki#niki smau#niki scenarios#niki imagines#ni ki scenarios#ni ki enhypen#ni ki smau#jake enhypen#enhypen sunghoon#enhypen sunoo#enhypen scenarios#jungwon enhypen
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Somewhere only we know
꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎
Pairing: Seungmin X gn reader
Summary: You find yourself in an overwhelming pit of depression when your boyfriend interrupts with a plan to cheer you up.
Genre: Fluff
Word Count: 2.7K
Trigger warning: Depression and self-hatred.
A/N: I finally got around to this request!! This idea has lived rent free in my head for a while, so I'm glad I've finally gotten the chance to put it to good use. This might be one of the only pieces I've written that has me giggling and blushing. Enjoy <3
_ _ _
The lights were off again and the ghosts were roaming. Whispers of hatred and the acidic self-insecurity had taken control of the reigns. You couldn’t remember the last time you smiled. It had been so long since you spoke, you couldn’t remember what your voice sounded like.
What was new? Trapped in another bottomless pit. Choking and screaming, you used to fight to stay floating, but something had just changed recently. Why was it so hard to be happy?
When did waking up feel like a chore? The walk to the bathroom felt like climbing Everest. Picking up your toothbrush was like picking up a boulder. Why did it all have to be so hard?
There was a permanent curve in your spine now. You couldn’t remember when your eyes were bright. Everything was easy when you were a naive child. Unfortunately, time changed and life went on. You didn’t have the safety of adults surrounding you.
That was the one thing that truly sucked about getting older. Sure, you could have friends and you had your boyfriend, but you had to face your battles alone. Your friends couldn’t make life choices for you. It’s not their responsibility to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.
It’s something you struggled with. Part of you wanted someone to reach out. You wanted a helping hand and yet you didn’t. You wanted to be entirely alone and at peace. Let your eyes glaze over and the muted TV screen colors melt together. You weren’t even paying attention anymore.
The episodes of ‘The Great British Bake-Off’ blurred together. There were Italian cakes and pies. There were French pastries that you had no idea how to pronounce. The blend of sweet treats meddled in your mind.
You used to watch this show with such passion. Happily rooting for your favorites and becoming distraught when your favorites went home. Rolling your eyes at silly technical flaws and gasping when desserts fell apart.
With a scoff and a “I could do that better and I’m not even a baker,” you used to amuse Seungmin. You were the one that introduced him to the show. The two of you used to taunt each other over who could bake what dessert better. They were empty taunts and free fun, nothing less and nothing more.
You missed him. You missed him more than words described. It had been a while since the two of you had been around each other. Comeback seasons were always hard and there wasn’t enough time to juggle a relationship and his career.
You didn’t mind it, but he did. He was always feeling awful about not being around. Interview questions kept him preoccupied. Photoshoot poses had to be shot without his cell phone. Music videos had tight deadlines with all hands on deck.
It wasn’t really a surprise that the last text you sent him this morning went unanswered, but you still missed him. You missed those teasing and the taunts and the-
What are you doing?
A soft sigh escaped your lips and you shut your eyes. Even the memory of him was starting to physically make your heart ache. The two of you had been dating for a while and yet, you still weren’t used to these few weeks where life seemed a bit emptier.
Struggling with your mental health only made it harder. Were these dark shadows eternal? Were you cursed to drown in this wave of sadness? Maybe you weren’t meant for all of this. The never-ending wheel of misery that life seemed to be.
You were spiraling and you couldn’t help it. You squeezed your eyes shut and reached for the remote. Screw it, you were heading towards bed. That exhaustion always seemed to seep into your soul lately. Sleep was the best temporary cure for it. It was starting to get late anyway.
You pushed yourself up, picked up the remote, and then your body froze. Your ears perked up and you shifted towards your front door. Surely, nobody would be here at this hour? It was almost ten in the evening.
You swallowed your nerves and stood up. Wooden floorboards creaked beneath your weight. The doorbell rang once more. Closer and closer you inched to the door. Closer and closer until…
“I know you’re in there! Don’t leave me out here, it’s hot! I can hear you watching that stupid baking show. Let me in! This shit is heavy!”
You blinked in shock at the sound of Seungmin’s voice. Your hand outstretched and it didn’t take long for you to yank the door open. There your boyfriend stood with two hands full of plastic bags.
“Thank god, you’re still awake, I thought you’d be asleep. Now move your ass and let me in.”
“What are you-”
“Don’t ask until I have it all put together. Go sit on the couch and I’ll tell you when you’re done. You’re not allowed in the kitchen, so if you need me, just holler.”
“But why? You have work tomorrow and yo-”
“Nuh-uh. We finished everything early and the company gave us the next two days off. I’ve missed my significant other. Let’s go, haul your ass!”
He was used to your apartment. This was his home away from home. This safety net of love and compassion. He knew where you stored everything. He knew where your secrets hid and he had seen your inner demons roam.
You sighed at his insistence, but went back to the living room anyway. Sinking back into the couch, you glanced out of the corner of your eye. The kitchen was partly hidden by the bar counter that shot out of a distant wall. You didn’t know what he was doing with all the bags.
“If you’re making dinner,” you finally mustered up the courage, “we could have ordered takeout.”
“We’re not making dinner, but speaking of that, have you eaten?”
You frowned and your eyes went to the coffee table. The remote and a near full plastic bottle of water were sitting there. You thought it’d be easier to drink water from a water bottle, but it wasn’t.
“Not yet,” you admitted. “I’ve kind of been too soaked up in the show, I’ve been binging it.”
Seungmin knew that response was bullshit, but he wasn’t going to press you about it. He knew something was up with you when you stopped responding to his texts. He’d have to wait hours before he’d get a single response. He tried to answer as soon as he could, but then you wouldn’t respond.
He knew how much you liked to curl inward on yourself when you mentally struggled. You were good at shutting yourself away from the world. You thought it was fine, but he knew that if you kept it up, you’d collapse beneath it.
“Okay, so you can order us some dinner. I haven’t eaten dinner either.” It was a lie, but he didn’t want to make you feel guilty for being the only one getting food. “What are we thinking?”
“It’s getting late.”
“So fast food, it is.”
You chuckled and shook your head, but it didn’t sway you away. While bags ruffled and Seungmin grumbled and struggled in your kitchen, you ordered the two of yourselves food.
“Holy shit,” you got out.
“What? What is it? Are you okay?” He stopped what he was doing and rushed towards the living room.
“They’re totally backed up on orders! It looks like there’s a few places closed, so if we want food, it’s going to take two hours. I mean we could go get it, but I-”
“Do you think you can wait two hours?”
“Can you?” You jerked your head up to glance at him.
He grinned, “this is perfect. Go ahead and order and I’ll finish setting up.”
“I don’t like not knowing what you’re doing.”
“You’ll know soon enough.”
“What do you want?”
“The usual.”
As you ordered, he continued to set up until he finally finished. “Okay, I’m ready! Come out here now!”
You pushed yourself off the couch and headed towards your kitchen. Before you could make it there, he stopped you and shoved something over your head. You raised an eyebrow as you glanced down at the black apron. “What are you doing?”
“Every baker needs an apron.”
“Huh?”
He grabbed something from behind you and shoved it on your head. You stared at him in shock as he adjusted the puffy white hat. “Ta-dah!”
“Did you just put a chef hat on my head?”
“Maybe you should be thanking me because I didn’t put a rat up there first.”
You rolled your eyes and glanced over. A wide variety of ingredients were placed along the counter tops. Two large mixing bowls were situated on the counter behind you. You glanced at all of it in confusion.
“What is this?”
“Welcome to your very own version of your favorite baking show. The contestants are us and the winner gets bragging rights. The other will never be able to forget that they suck at baking.”
“You gave me a chef hat…for baking?”
“Cooking and baking are basically the exact same thing.”
Your jaw dropped in shock. “I can’t believe you just said that. You watch my show with me and you still don’t know the difference? Baking is usually measured ingredients and it’s baked whereas cooking is flexible and you can add and subtract things into your di-”
“Spoken like a true nerd. Anyway, let’s get on with the show. Chop, chop!” He clapped his hands and spun around. “Since I clothed you, I expect you to do the same. The stuff is behind you.”
You tried not to laugh as you put the apron over his head and tied the strings. When you were finished, you placed the chef hat on his fluffy hair and tugged too hard. He yelled the moment he couldn’t see.
“You’re cheating! Cheater! We’ve gotta cheater and the competition hasn’t even started yet!” He huffed and jerked the hat back up while you laughed.
There it was. That melodic sound that he thought about every night before bed. It was so rich and so glorious. He wished he could experience it until the end of time.
“You’re so dramatic!”
“Well, someone has to call you out on cheating and I’m the only one here to do it!”
“What are we making?”
“What if I said I haven’t figured it out yet?”
Your eyes glanced over in confusion. All the ingredients were sprawled out, but he didn’t know? “So what is all of th-”
“I just picked out a bunch of random stuff,” he shrugged. “There’s some different fruits. Flour, sugar, baking powder, and baking soda. I got some different spices and some vanilla. I just figured that we’d try our best to make something out of it.”
“We’re going into this blind?”
“Yeah.”
“I hope you know that this is going to be a disaster.”
“For you, it is. For me, I’m basically a pro.” He rubbed his hands together and then clapped. “Alright, let’s get this party started!”
You walked over to your bowl, grabbed it, and glanced at all the ingredients. “So what are you making?”
“I’m not telling.”
“How are we going to bake something without measuring cups?”
He froze and his eyes widened. “Wait, I thought you had those! Please don’t tell me that you…” You shook your head. “Oh no.”
You waved him off and shook your head a final time. “It’s fine, we can adjust. We’ll just use spoons or our hands. Speaking of that, I need to clean mine.”
“Ha! I’m already one step ahead of you. I’d never poison the judges with germs.”
“What judges?”
“You.”
“Oh.”
While you washed your hands, Seungmin headed over to the opposite counter and grabbed the flour. He started to tug, but the bag wouldn’t open fully. With a sigh of annoyance, he gripped the sides tighter and tugged.
When you heard sputtering, you whipped around with the dish towel still in your hand. You were utterly speechless as a puff of flour blew out of Seungmin’s mouth. The two of you stared at each other in silence.
It covered his entire face. Both of his darkened eyebrows and eyelashes were coated in it. Sun-kissed golden skin had turned moonlight pale. The chef’s hat tipped back off his head and laid on the floor behind him. A strangled giggle erupted in the back of your throat.
“Stop it! It’s not funny!” With every word spat, flour slipped off his head. It blew off his nose and freed itself from his lips. When he brushed pale handprints on his black apron, you lost it entirely.
Collapsing onto your knees, giggles streamed from your mouth. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t stop them. Every time Seungmin huffed or grumbled, you laughed harder. He looked like the abominable snowman.
“You think this is funny, huh?” He grabbed a handful of flour from the table and chucked it your way. The snowy smoke stained the front of your own apron.
“Hey!” You cried out as you brushed it off. “That’s not fair! You did this to yourself, don’t take it out on me!” He laughed and grabbed another handful. You screeched and ran to the other side of the kitchen. Your hat managed to fall off in the process. “Stop it!”
“Get back here!”
He couldn’t help it. Your smiles and laughter were so infectious. He knew it had been harder for you without him around all the time. The two day vacation from the company was a small slice of heaven.
When you dodged one way, so did he. You slipped onto the floor as he shoved the handful of flour in your hair. You grabbed another one and shoved it to his chest. He yelped as the powdery substance slipped down his shirt.
“Hey!”
“You started it!”
“You brat!”
You didn’t know how long the two of you ran around throwing handfuls of flour at each other. Unfortunately for you, the bag of flour he had gotten was bigger than usual. Flour was all over your pants, your cheeks, and your apron. You were even sure it had entered your armpit.
You finally collapsed onto the ground in the leftover piles. A powdered haze settled over the area. Both of you were breathless and full of delight.
“Okay,” Seungmin managed to get out, “we call it a tie for now.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Next time, we’ll prepare better.”
“With an actual recipe,” you added.
“With an actual recipe,” he agreed.
The two of you stayed silent for a while. Your eyes shut and you panted. It had been so long since you had a little fun. You forgot how small things like this tended to fossilize in our hearts. This tiny memory was one that you’d remember with such joy and delight, you’d never forget it.
“I think I choked on too much flour. Everything tastes like bland ass and-”
“You’ve eaten ass?”
“You’re about to eat this fist.”
You laughed and sprawled out your limbs. Your eyes shut and before you knew it, your limbs began to move. Up and down, up and down, up and down.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Snow angel.”
“This isn’t snow.”
“A flour angel is the same concept.”
Seungmin pushed himself up and stared over at you. A small smile was on your face as your body moved up and down. Sure enough, it looked like an angel was forming behind you. The blank pits of the floor created the illusion of wings where your arms were shifting.
His own smile appeared on his face. Your flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes. God, he wished he could keep you happy like this forever. He knew he couldn’t, but he’d sure try.
“Okay, come on, angel.” He stood up and reached out a hand towards you. “We’ve gotta go shower and clean this mess up before the food arrives.”
“Or we could just stay here for a little longer.”
“Or we could just go get cleaned up, so we don’t smell like grain.”
“You always have to ruin the fun,” you huffed.
“Who said the fun had to stop at the shower? You never know what might-”
You were up within seconds and rushing towards the shower. All he could do was playfully roll his eyes and chuckle. You left white footprints the entire way there. He wanted to lecture you, but for now, he was just glad you were smiling again.
| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |
Taglist: @lina-linny @straykidsstanforeverandever @seungnishi
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#stray kids#stray kids fanfic#kim seungmin#kim seungmin fanfic#kim seungmin stray kids#stray kids drabbles#skz fanfic#seungmin comfort#seungmin#stay#kim seungmin fluff#kim seungmin x reader#kim seungmin x you#kim seungmin x y/n
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Hello !! For your IAU requests, either Sky being a good uncle and babysitting the younger Links, or some kind of angst involving Four?
No pressure if you don't want to ! And please remember to take it easy if requests get overwhelming-
Don’t mind me answering this rather late lol, it took me a while to figure out where I wanted to take this! I already did some Four angst, so here’s some Sky babysitting when the kids are all a bit younger :)
————————————————————
“Yes, Sky babysitting!” Wild yelled, jumping on the couch. “Now we can stay up all night!”
Sky watched his nephew bounce around, the rest of his brothers all equally excited as their parents drove away to have a night for themselves for once, and chuckled. Warriors was busy, and Sun was feeling under the weather, so Sky was babysitting all six of his nephews alone.
Which he could handle. For sure.
“Sorry Wild,” Sky apologized, nudging him with a wing to get him to stop bouncing. “No staying up all night I’m afraid. Your parents said bedtime was eight o’clock, sharp.”
“Did they really mean sharp though?” Legend piped up, smiling innocently. “Maybe Mom said ‘shark’. And sharks don’t ever have to go to bed.”
“Never, huh?” Sky said, and Legend hesitated for a second, then nodded confidently.
“Yeah, never.”
“Never ever. They’d just bite anyone who told them to! RAAAWR!” Wild roared, and leapt off the couch and right onto Wind. His little brother yelled in protest, and Sky quickly pulled Wild off, his nephew still making biting noises and chomping his teeth.
“Why don’t we bite some dinner instead?” Sky said, and Wild paused in his biting, looking hopefully up at him.
“Dinner?”
“Yep. How does mac and cheese sound?” Sky asked, and Wild let out an excited whoop.
“YESSSSS! Can I help?” he begged, and Sky nodded.
“Me too!” Wind shouted, and Twilight wagged his tail where he was sitting with Hyrule on the couch.
“You all can help,” Sky said patiently, scooping up Four and heading into the kitchen. “But you’ve got to listen to my instructions, all right?”
“Yessir!” Wild chirped, and zipped over to the cabinets and began pulling out utensils.
Sky chuckled as his siblings followed, and then got to work on dinner.
Mac and cheese wasn’t hard to make, especially with multiple eager helpers, and everything was going fine as the cheese was added and the pot was stirred. There was a minor hiccup when Hyrule almost added twice as many noodles as were needed, but Twilight managed to stop him at the last second, and dinner was finished with no further problems.
All until his nephews realized mac and cheese wasn’t the only thing they were eating for dinner.
“Peas?!” Wind said in dismay, and Sky nodded as he got Four settled in the booster seat they had for his chair.
“Yep. That’s what vegetable your mom left me to cook.“
“But... peas?” Wind repeated, his face screwed up, and Sky raised an eyebrow.
“What’s so bad about peas?” he questioned, and Wind let out a loud blegh noise, face disgusted.
“Peas are gross,” he stressed, crossing his arms with a pout. “They’re are yucky an’ bad.”
“Wind, they’re not so bad, the rest of your siblings are eating them,” Sky chided, and Twilight suddenly squirmed in his seat, looking uncomfortably at his plate.
“Yeah, even Twilight, and he hates peas!” Wild said cheerily, and Twilight sank in his chair a bit.
“If you eat them with the mac and cheese they just taste like cheese,” Hyrule said helpfully, and Wind looked over at his plate, wrinkling his nose at the way Hyrule had mashed everything together.
“That’s yucky. I don’t wanna,” Wind pouted, putting his face on the table.
“I didn’t even give you that many. At least eat some of them Wind,” Sky pleaded, and Wind blew a loud raspberry, making Four laugh. “...Wind.”
“I don’t wanna!”
Sky looked at Wind, and Wind looked at Sky, neither of them willing to back down. The rest of his nephews watched in interest (all except Four who was throwing peas at Legend, much to his chagrin), and finally Sky leaned back in his chair with a casual shrug.
“Well... if you’re not going to eat them, then you’re not going to get dessert,” Sky said, casually folding his wings behind his back. “That’s a pity, too. I brought cupcakes.”
Wild gasped and shook Hyrule excitedly, and Wind narrowed his eyes, tilting his head up to look at Sky.
“...Cupcakes?”
“With blue frosting,” Sky added, and Wild let out an even louder gasp, nearly falling out of his chair.
“Upake!” Four yelled.
Wind pursed his lips, and looked down at the offending vegetable, obviously feeling rather conflicted. Twilight meanwhile, attempted to slip quietly out of his chair while everyone was distracted, his face strangely scrunched.
A wing stuck out and stopped him right as he began to walk away though, and Twilight froze as he looked up at Sky.
“All finished, buddy?” he asked, and Twilight cleared his throat, nodding. “You ate pretty quickly there. Don’t you want more mac and cheese?”
“No, I’m good,” Twilight said quickly, and tried to edge away from his feathers.
“What’s that in your pocket, Twi?” Wild asked loudly, and Twilight cringed, glancing at his bulging pockets.
“It’s... um... it’s just...”
Legend suddenly became visible behind him, and stuck a hand in his pocket, pulling out a handful of peas.
“Ah-HA!”
Twilight jumped, then gave Sky an extremely guilty look when he raised an eyebrow.
“Uh... how about that? I guess some just... fell in there...” he said with a hesitant smile.
Sky jabbed a thumb back at the table, and Twilight slunk back to his seat, more than one of his brothers giggling. Legend looked particularly smug, and Twilight shot him a foul look as he emptied his pockets back onto his plate.
“Okay. I’ll have peas. I’ll only eat some though,” Wind finally decided, and Sky nodded, inwardly relieved. He hadn’t been sure the dessert tactic would work.
“Thank you. How does five spoonfuls sound?”
“Five spoonfuls?!”
Sky sighed.
Dinner took another half hour to finish, Wild and Hyrule eating several more helpings of mac and cheese, Four throwing food, Twilight and Wind slowly eating their peas. Finally all the plates were empty though, and Sky went to grab the plate of cupcakes.
“Sky, can we watch tv and eat them?” Legend asked as he brought them over. “There’s a movie on tonight.”
Sky hummed thoughtfully. “Maybe... what movie is it?”
“Umm, I forget the title. But it’s the one where the guy has a talking hat and has to save the world with mice guys. And stuff,” Legend said helpfully.
“Four likes that one,” Twilight added, and Sky gave in with a little sigh.
“...Okay. But straight to bed afterwards, and you guys have got to use napkins,” he said, and Wild whooped for at least the third time that evening.
The napkins didn’t help a bit of course. Sky’s nephews got crumbs on the floor, crumbs on clothes, crumbs on furniture... not to mention the blue frosting, that Sky was really starting to regret bringing over. It was a very good thing Malon and Time’s couch wasn’t white.
The first hour of the movie was mostly talked over, sugar-fueled arguments and teasing and general chaos that happened whenever they all tried to sit and do something. By the time the sugar buzz finally wore off, Sky’s patience had grown rather thin, and he was exhausted.
Why did I agree to this again? he thought with a sigh, wiping fruitlessly at a smear of frosting on his shirt. There was big smear all over his sleeve, and it would take him ages to get all of the crumbs out of his feathers.
Before Sky could get any further with cleaning himself up (or griping), a hand pushed on his leg, and he looked down to see Four crawl into his lap.
He snuggled up to his chest, and Wind squished up next to him a few moments later, smile a bright blue. Legend noticed what was going on and wormed into the pile as a rabbit, and Hyrule settled himself under one of Sky’s wings, leaning on his shoulder. Finally Twilight and Wild sat themselves under the other, and they all watched quietly as the hero on the tv had a serious conversation with his talking hat.
Sky looked down at them all, sticky and covered in frosting and crumbs, Hyrule nestling tighter under his wing, Four resting his head back on his chest.
Then he sighed and gave them a soft smile, unable to hold on to any annoyance with six kids all snuggled around him.
Right. That’s why.
(...)
Late that evening, Time and Malon came home and found all six of their boys sound asleep in the living room under Sky’s wings, Sky himself snoring with a faint smile on his face.
...and blue frosting.
Lots of blue frosting.
#answers from the floor#lovely sleepy the loz enthusiast#incredibles au#Incredibles au fic#fic#lu Sky#linkeduniverse#IAU Sky#hmm how to tag all the boys...#IAU kiddos? IAU boys? IAU Links?#I guess that last one works#IAU Links#writing from the floor#anyone who’s been around kids knows the scourge of blue frosting
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For a birthday request, could I maybe request one where Ed's got a severe headache, maybe a migraine. The kind where any noise feels like he's been stabbed in the eyes. And Stede, of course, takes looking after his beloved very seriously and when he's got Ed settled as much as he can, Stede goes outside, and starts 'politely' yelling at nature and the wild life to keep the noise down, they're disturbing and hurting his Edward.
Sweet! I love how this one turned out!
Ed told Stede that he was fine that morning. Just a little headache, he said.
It quickly became apparent that he was not fine. By lunchtime, he was quiet, wincing, keeping his eyes closed tight, and Stede ordered him back to bed.
“I’m alright,” Ed mumbled, his face scrunched up with pain as Stede got him settled under the covers. He said that patterns hurt his eyes when he had headaches like this, and even the stripes on their blankets were overwhelming for him. “Just a migraine. It’ll go away on it’s own.”
“Poor Ed,” Stede soothed, gently running a hand through his hair, and Ed hummed at the attention. “I’ll be right back, okay?”
Stede did his best. His mother had had migraines, and he remembered what had worked for her.
He set himself to the task of making their room as comfortable for Ed as possible. Put out the lights and closed the curtains as tight as he could. Got him tucked up safe and comfy under the blankets. A nice glass of cool water, plus some hard candies they’d bought at the market to suck on, so he had something to distract himself from the pain.
But, despite his best efforts, he couldn’t make the whole world be considerate of Ed’s pain.
Even the sound of the waves crashing on the beach, usually an ever-present comfort, was grating to Ed. The sounds of animals tromping through the brush outside their window made him grit his teeth. The fucking loud-ass songbirds that decided it was appropriate to perch on their windowsill made him whimper.
It wasn’t long until Stede was holding his poor Ed in his lap, doing his best to soothe him with the gentlest touches as Ed cried for him to please make the pain stop. He wet a cool cloth to rest over Ed’s eyes, blocking out light and helping to keep him as comfortable as possible, but his heart hurt that he wasn’t able to do more to take away Ed’s pain.
Eventually, Ed cried himself out, and Stede gently extricated himself from under his poor boyfriend. Moving as quietly as he could, he tucked Ed back in, then headed outside.
The first order of business was chasing away the fucking songbirds.
Stede pointed his finger into nature at large, stomped his foot, and tried to keep his whisper-shouting at an appropriate volume. “Uh, excuse me,” he said, “do you all fucking mind?”
One of the songbirds had the fucking nerve to twitter at him from a nearby branch.
“You’re a sadist,” Stede accused, pointing accusingly at the bird. “Would you all mind keeping it down? My boyfriend has a migraine, and he’s in there crying because you’re being so noisy!”
Something rustled through the bushes.
“I’m talking to you,” Stede snipped. “Look, it’s not fucking hard, just go somewhere else if you want to be loud! You’re hurting my poor Ed!”
Speaking of his poor Ed, Stede didn’t want to leave him alone for too long.
“This was your final warning,” Stede added over his shoulder as he quietly stomped back inside.
He checked in on Ed - still asleep, thank goodness - and decided to prepare something for him to eat when he woke up. He fixed up some thin chicken broth and set it up to keep warm over a tealight, and readied some crackers. Something easy to eat but tasty, and he added some marmalade that Ed could spread on the crackers if he felt up to something a bit sweeter (which, hopefully, he would).
When Stede eased back into the bedroom with the tray, Ed stirred a bit.
“Hey, love,” Stede whispered, setting the tray on the nightstand and getting back into bed with him. “How are you feeling?”
“Mm.” Ed still had a pained line between his eyebrows, but he snuggled into Stede’s side immediately, clinging to him tightly. "I'm alive. I guess."
“Good.” Stede got an arm around Ed’s shoulders to hold him close. “I’m very glad to hear it. I threatened those stupid birds to shut up.”
Ed snorted softly. “You love the songbirds.”
“Not when they’re hurting you.” Stede rubbed a soothing hand along Ed’s back. “Are you feeling any better at all?”
“Mm, yeah,” Ed whispered, pressing his cheek against Stede’s chest. “Better, now.”
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I was wondering if I could request some Jazz x GN bot reader nsfw maybe rough yet passionate intercourse and if you’re comfortable with it have the two get caught doing it
I’m so so so sorry if this doesn’t make sense 😭
Plug and Play
Jazz x Cybertronian
Word count: 800
Warning: smut, valveplug, plug and play, wire play, spark bonding. Spark play. Getting walked in on.
_______________
Jazz's optics flicker behind his visor as he watches them, their playful behaviour has him smiling as he grips their hips. A low chuckle escapes Jazz's vocalizer. He shifts beneath them, feeling their movements against him, the subtle grind sending a surge of pleasure through his circuits as they run their servos across his frame.
"Well, darlin'," Jazz purrs, his voice laced with a mixture of desire and amusement, "you seem to be enjoying yourself quite a bit." He thrust up into them, pulling their body down with each thrust. Moans fall from their lips. Their frames are locked together as they both explore each other, tracing paint, chipped marks and dents across each other's plating.
Jazz's frame tenses as their optics meet his, one servo cupping his faceplate as they press their helm to his. He grabs their waist again slamming them down onto his spike. A yelp leaves them as their back arches, his name falling from their lips. his own moans mingling with theirs as their movements grow more frantic.
“Do that again!” They stutter out in a static laced tone. Jazz's servo grabs their backplates holding them firmly as he slams his spike back into them, making sure to grind Himself further into their tight valve. His other servo wraps around their spike pressing against the nodes that line it as he works them up.
"Y-Yes," Jazz gasps, his voice filled with a mix of pleasure and need. "Mmm gonna overload for me sweet thing?." He asked In a mumble against their audial. As their bodies move in perfect sync, Jazz's thoughts become a blur of memories, some his and some theirs as they share data, the overwhelming pleasure that courses through his circuits has him pulling them closer as he begins opening their spark chamber.
With a swift motion, Jazz's plating begins to shift, they both move frantically grabbing wires and plugging them into ports of each other's frame, their sparks singing to each other as they edge closer to an overload. The sound of gears and mechanisms whirring fills the air as he ruts desperately against them.
"I've got you." He guides their servos, helping them navigate the delicate pathways of his chassis, their touch sending shivers of pleasure through his circuits. Jazz's spark quickens syncing with their, their vents aline and in that moment he sees all of them, memories, emotions and so much more. Each beat of their spark has him spiralling further.
With each call of his name, he wishes for nothing more than to be one with them, to have his spark bond with them like this. their moans and cries echoing in harmony in the small room as they cling to each other as if the other would fade away. “Your stunning, please show me more” he almost begs as their sparks begin to dance, pulsing as static buzzes around the glowing orbs of light.
Their servos return to his face, gently guiding his helm back towards theirs. Jazz's optics meet theirs, a mix of wonder and desire shining through. A surge of energy courses through Jazz's circuits as their helms touch, the connection between them felt like liquid energex and ecstasy.
footsteps echo through the door as Prowl enters, his focus intent on his data pad until he looks up. as he catches sight of Jazz and his partner in the act, a mix of shock and horror washes over him. He freezes in his tracks, his optics narrowing.
"What in the fragging Pit is going on here?!" Prowl's voice booms, his tone laced with anger and disbelief. "Have you both lost your fragging minds?!, in the precinct!” He yells
Both of them tense up as they meet Prowls optics. Neither able to talk from the amount of energy flowing through their lines.
"Fragging pits, get decent, by primus I don't need to see that " Prowl snaps, his voice filled with a bitter edge as he slams the door shut behind him. "You should be ashamed of yourselves," Prowl yells out as he storms down the hallway. The sound of a table being thrown can be heard along with other voices questioning what was going on.
Both of them lay there together venting in sync before laughter trickles from them. “Told you he'd find us” they mumble into Jazz's plating which only makes him pull them closer as he cradles their face against his. “Worth every second of the lecture we will be getting” Jazz utters while tracing their faceplate. “Your cleaning up the broken table” they smile at him as they flick his helm cress making him lean back out of the firing range.
Jazz's optics soften as he watches their smile, their playful gesture momentarily easing the tension that still lingers in the air. He chuckles softly, his spark slowly cooling at their gentle touch. "Looks like I've got my work cut out for me, don't I?" Jazz replies, his tone lighthearted
_______________
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If It Ain’t Broke! [it’s extremely broken] Don’t Fix It! [it’s in desperate need of repairs]
“Hotguy, I have something I’d like to tell you.” Grian fluttered down to the scene, distracting Scar right as the villain across from him started to wind back.
Scar grunted as Puppeteer’s large forearm collided with his face, the hit in itself enough to make him see stars, but the following kick to the chest really did him in, falling back and hitting the pavement hard, knocking the place where his prosthetics started to meet skin. Pain like electricity shot up his spine, which, augh, ow, that was unlucky- oh fuck, he definitely landed wrong didn’t he, something was not right here. Hm. Well it was a good thing CuteGuy was here!
“Yeah,” he wheezed, though the word came out a little more like a whine, “Sure, uh, mind helping me out a little first though?”
“No,” Grian said all too simply, and out of the corner of Scar’s eye he saw the other hero cross his arms, looking thoughtful, “I’d rather do it like this. It’s easier, emotionally, if you’re preoccupied. You’ve got it.”
“What a coincidence,” Puppeteer sneered, bright green eyes lit like the fire in Scar’s back, “I also have quite a few things to say.” The snakes that made up her hair hissed as Puppeteer veered over him, Scar throwing up his hands in a weak defense. His back felt a little bit like it was caving in on itself and that electric pain wasn’t getting any better! Oh god. Was he even going to be able to stand? Fuck, what happened? Scar struggled to sit up with a strangled gasp, but Puppeteer kicked him right back down. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”
Scar threw up his arms, frustration overwhelming his sense, “It’s not like snakes have any feelings for me to hurt, they’re called cold blooded for a reason!”
“That is not what cold blooded means you fucking imbecile!” Puppeteer seethed, “Reptiles are treated poorly enough as it is, we don’t need extremely influential superheroes going on TV and telling the world why it's okay to keep hitting them with their cars!”
“Wow, you said that?” Grian asked, judgment oozing off his voice, and Scar wanted to scream.
“I did not say that! I did not say ANYTHING CLOSE TO THAT. God forbid anyone be afraid of anything! Dare I say it, I think you may be overreact-“ Scar didn’t get to finish, Puppeteer’s hefty kick sending him tumbling in a movement that pulled a real shriek from his lips. His ears rang as his entire head seemed to buzz, his back and body equally numb as it was screaming in stark agony. What was happening??? Somewhere in Scar’s conscious mind, he heard Puppeteer, then Grian, sounding disappointed.
“..never screams for me like that. Damn. What’s your leg routine?”
Good god. He was doomed. He was going to die.
Scar didn’t have the mind to think of the words he needed to yell for help, but even then, he was pretty sure he couldn’t form them anyway, the only noises leaving his throat being muffled whines and groans, none of which Grian seemed to think was odd given that he made zero move to do anything about it. Grian was instead talking to Puppeteer like nothing was wrong- couldn’t either of them see his entire back had caved in? Unless it was internal. It was probably internal. But it FELT like it looked like his back had caved in. Help. Help. He tried to say words, but only tasted concrete. And blood. Decidedly both bad things.
“Geez, you’re really down in the dumps over the snake thing, huh. Whatever, as long as you’re listening,” Scar heard the shift of Grian’s voice, enough to know he was being talked to, but he failed to process any of the words, “So I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve decided I would like to be friends. Yup! There we go. Friends. I think I’m ready to give it a shot at least, I mean, you’re going to be with Cub a bunch and Cub’s going to be with me and I was just thinking about some things he was saying to me.. I don’t know. Maybe I want to do this for him. Maybe I’m tired of feeling shitty about you. I don’t know exactly what’s going on in my brain, but I’ve made my decision, and I’m telling you so I can’t just back out or change my mind.”
Scar heard Grian’s footsteps, pacing, and gave up all hope of being rescued. He sobbed into the concrete, but Grian clearly didn’t hear him, rambling on, “Plus, I kinda like this gig! I like the theatrics, the costumes, and meeting all these weird new people, no offense Puppeteer, you’re killing it.”
“I know.”
“But I think I would like doing all these things with you, because even if you’re kind of a loser, I’ve come to the conclusion that superheroes are kinda like worse furries, which is to say, losers having a good time, they just also happen to work for the government and go on weird bad power trips and I- I mean, I’m not immune, obviously. But I want to engage with more of that good loser stuff, and I think you’re a prime candidate. You’re goofy. It’s your best quality.”
Scar wondered if he would ever receive the blessing of passing out, or if he was damned to lay here waiting to die forever. Had Grian decided to gouge his eyes out before speaking to him?
“And maybe, eventually, if you still like me or whatever, I may allow you to try and woo me just as you did to Cub. Take me out, charm me, whatever. Give it your best go.”
“Ah, so the media gossip surrounding you two is true?” Puppeteer spoke, reminding Scar that they were also still here and either not noticing or not caring about Scar’s condition.
“It’s not. We’re definitely not anything, just playing it up in the field. The attention is kind of fun I think, and obviously HotGuy thinks so too even if he’s too pouty to say it. Honestly, I’m kind of shocked. Thought he’d be jumping for joy by now.”
“Looks like he’s going through it over there, I dunno. Breathing pretty hard it looks like.”
“Oh, shit,” Grian paused, and Scar prayed he wasn’t about to leave, “Hey, you good?”
Silence. Well, besides Scar’s own labored breathing and moaning, but apparently none of these noises registered as out of the ordinary to Scar’s new least favorite people in the world. Grian, Puppeteer, and Death in that order. Scar barely registered the footsteps as they closed in on him, Grian saying something before touching, turning him over- ah, so the pain could get worse!
Talons dug into his side, and when Grian tried to lift him, finally, finally, his body graced him with sweet unconsciousness.
***
Scar chuckled to himself as he heard Grian’s anxious rambling from all the way down the hall, talking far too loudly for someone who presumably didn’t want to be heard.
“What do I do? I don’t know what to do. I just- two weeks, it’s been two weeks and he isn’t even out of the hospital yet! Does this happen a lot? How was I supposed to know this could happen? Hotguy doesn’t just go down for the count like this, he gets his ass beat, gets stitched back together and is fine the next day! Do you know how much worse I, personally, have done to him? He just got knocked on his ass! I thought he was fine! Two weeks!”
Scar heard the low rumble of Cub’s voice, probably telling Grian to quiet down since Scar didn’t hear him anymore other than the raised squeak of urgent whispers. However, the noise stopped abruptly as the pair of footsteps neared Scar’s room. The door was open, but Cub knocked anyway.
“Hey Scar, can we come in?”
“Sure, sure!” he bellowed, hoping the cheerful tone would curb Grian’s anxiety, mostly for his own sake. Spending the only hospital visit he could worm out of his bosses telling Grian ‘It Was Fine’ sounded like the least appealing way he could utilize this time. “Please! Come in, come in!”
Cub did so, looking as he as always did with that slight frown and relaxed shoulders. Which is to say, absolutely delighted to see him! Grian, just about as horrible at masking his feelings as it gets, waddled in behind him, lips pursed and wings puffed up to twice their size.
“I’m sorry-“
“Up bup bup!” Scar cut Grian off before he could say another word, “Shush, none of that. You’re fine, I’m fine, you coulda left me there for another week and I would have been fine, though, probably a little more upset with you! But ultimately, fine.”
“But I- we couldn’t even reach you. I couldn’t-“
Scar rolled his eyes, “They’re a little tight when it comes to security, I don’t get the luxury of internet access.”
“That’s kind of fucked.” Cub said, and Scar shrugged.
“Necessary, I’ve been told. There was a public statement on my socials, did you see it?”
“The announcement that you were taking some time off to travel and you’d be back with one of those awful merch calendars sometime next month? That’s not exactly an update- actually that’s a little more concerning than the truth!” Somehow, Grian’s wings managed to grow in size, and Scar couldn’t help but laugh.
“If I was dead they wouldn’t tell the world I went on vacation! And hey! The calendars are best sellers!”
But Grian was not to be distracted. “And if you were in critical condition?”
“I wasn’t in critical condition.”
“Are you sure?”
Scar huffed, patience running thin. “Cool it, Grian, it was just an accident. Something just got bumped the wrong way, that’s all. Things get a little fucky if something goes wrong in my back, it’s just painful, nothing that can’t be fixed. Now, if we don’t start playing a board game or a few games of cards in the next minute I’m going to really throw a fit, so please, I’ve got two hours before they want to prep me for my next surgery.”
That seemed to get Grian’s attention, wings twitching as he glanced toward a shelf full of the games Scar had collected over the years, as well as other knick knacks that had piled up in his glorified apartment of a hospital room. Mercifully, Grian hopped over to check it out without another word, hopefully realizing that arguing about Scar’s condition was not how he wanted to spend his time.
“What do you want to play?” Grian asked instead, and Scar hummed.
“Anything. I know them all. I could teach you something, but personally I’d rather just get right into it with something we all know.”
“I haven’t even heard of half of these,” Grian said, poking through the shelf with a curiosity that made Scar smile, gingerly lifting a couple of the games to look at the boxes and spinning them around.
“Me neither,” Cub mumbled, looking more thoughtful than concerned with being heard. But he didn’t move to look beside Grian, instead drifting next to Scar’s bed. Scar’s heart nearly exploded when Cub’s hand drifted over his in a silent question, and Scar took it eagerly. “You okay?”
Scar closed his eyes, “Happy to have visitors.”
“It’s been a while, hasn’t it,” Cub hummed, and Scar nodded. “You know when you’re going to be out? Maybe you’ll get your phone back sooner than that?”
Scar shook his head. “Don’t know, but I doubt I’ll be texting anyone until I’m fixed. Hopefully not any longer than a couple weeks; the tech is a little old and it can be finicky, so they really have to be careful when they work on it.”
“Why don’t they hire The Goat to work on it? He built it, didn’t he?” Grian turned away from the board games, and Scar felt the energy drain from his soul at the hint of snideness edging his tone. He just didn’t want to deal with it. Didn't want to talk about this.
“I don’t know what he told you, Grian, but that’s not true. Not really.”
“Is it not?” Grian narrowed his eyes, and Scar felt his own grip on Cub’s hand tighten. Cub looked wary, but didn’t speak. Too curious to say anything maybe, though that was Scar’s own cynicism speaking. Maybe it was twisting Grian’s tone as well, but Scar didn’t care all that much.
“Well I did ask, and apparently my parents did enlist his help briefly at the beginning of the process, but it was brief. The Goat did some work on my prosthetics, but the blueprints weren’t very good, hardly enough to build a solid foundation. Most everything he did got scrapped. So sure, you could say he worked on it, if being a pain in the ass and producing a faulty outline is ‘working on it.’”
“That’s not what I heard.”
“Grian,” Cub cut in, firm. “Drop it.”
Grian looked conflicted for a moment, stuck between his passion and the surprise of being interrupted so suddenly. Cub took advantage of the silence by tugging his hand away from Scar’s, making a beeline to the board games and plucking one off the shelf more decisively than Scar ever had in his life.
“Let’s play this. Then maybe if we have time, you can teach us another,” Cub looked back to Scar, voice even and mediating. Calm. The forceful kind that grabbed you by the throat, sat you down, and lowered your hackles.
“Ooh, I like that one,” Grian said, and a guilty glance back to Scar was really all the apology he needed. Grian got caught up. It happens. Happened to Scar more times than he could count, and it would happen again just as much. Scar didn’t want any big, sweeping gestures. He just wanted a break. To be normal, if only for a few hours. So he took a deep breath, exhaled, and let the smile return to his face.
“That sounds like fun.”
#hermitcraft#hermitfic#gtws#goodtimeswithscar#grian#zombiecleo#cubfan135#hermitshipping#cubscarian hotguy au#cubscarian#convexian#convex#cubscar#desert duo#hermitcraft fic#hotguy#cuteguy#cubfan
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hmm i wonder if the fact that i’m in a really bad reading slump and can only read fanfics or reread favorite books (where i’m consuming media with familiar and comforting characters and worlds) says something about my mental state
#my reading slump has been BAD#i haven’t touched a book since january. it’s may rn#and like the book i was reading was good!#but either i just got too busy with school or i could not emotionally/physically handle something new#but i’ve been reading fanfics like mad#and i’ve been listening to the six of crows and crooked kingdom audiobooks#but i kinda miss reading a physical book#and there are so many unread books on my shelf and so many books that sound really good that i want to read at some point#and i’m maybe a bit overwhelmed by it all#bcuz there will always be new books coming out and i’ll never be able to read them all#and that makes me really sad honestly#i love books and stories so much#but i haven’t been in the headspace to dive into a new world and get to know new characters#hence the fanfics and rereads of comfort books#yes six of crows is my comfort read#also red white and royal blue#and reading my silly little fanfics where i know my blorbos in love will end up together bcuz that’s what i want to happen#idk if i’m making sense#it’s midnight and i’m tired#i drove approximately five hours today#i should go to sleep now#reinanova rambles#fanfics#fanfiction#reader struggles
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.
#i had a good cry#let all those feelings out#things got too me too quickly and i felt overwhelmed#i’m much more calm now#my friend and i had a conversation that put a lot of things into perspective#she’s a g/aylor so she’s gone through her fair share of bullshit too#it’s bad that this is getting to me to the point i have a breakdown#and it’s because i have a parasocial relationship with him#at the end of the day we don’t know him personally. we don’t know what goes behind the scenes#and maybe distancing myself a bit from the whole personal aspect of him would be better#also something else. we all have a parasocial relationship with him#la/rries. antis. solos. the people that spend their time hating on him#we all care so much about what he does to the point it gets to us#i still love him and his music and call me crazy but i’m still going to his shows and buying 28op#and i’m gonna play the hell out of lt3 when it comes out#because i enjoy his music and his work. and to me that’s all that matters#whatever his personal life is. whether h and l are still together or broke up or it was just a fling. that shouldn’t matter#don’t get me wrong i still believe in la/rry. nothing can stop me from believing it. but it shouldn’t take so much space in my life#i’m still gonna stream his music. i’m still gonna blog about him. i’m still gonna be his fan#i’m still gonna gif him#but i’m gonna work so hard to make it healthy#somehow i’ve managed to do that with h already#so yeah just lots of words#treating this site like my personal diary aksjsjksjsjs#also @ parasocial relationship anon. somehow i feel offended by it but that’s a me thing not a you thing. and it’s true#logan.txt
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OOC
aaah I wanna write but I’m not feeling what’s left in my drafts. Feel free to send Supreme any random asks/questions/whatever!
#I’m tempted to do another starter call but there’s a lot of threads I have that I’m waiting on the other person and knowing my luck…#they’ll all come in around the same time and I’ll suddenly be overwhelmed lol#maybe haha I might make one later tonight anyway#Ooc#Also to note if you think it’s my turn and it’s been a bit feel free to poke me I could have missed it!
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ok i took a nap sorry for miseryposting
#purrs#i don’t feel better per se but i do feel less angry so i think that’s good. but i did have a fucked up and disturbing dream so now im#focused on that a little bit but it’s whatever. i think i just feel stuck in my life and overwhelmed rn but i have to be gentle with myself#and okay with accepting outcomes that are compromises even if i really don’t want to. but idk. i have to think on it more. and i wish i felt#less lonely bc i KNOW i am not it’s just i have no emotional object permanence and i keep dismantling all my inoculations and then crying#out for more inoculations and i don’t know how to stop. and now im getting upset again typing this so I’m going to stop even though i havent#gotten to the end of my thought yet and like reblog some things or watch a video idk. i really need to find a counselor and speaking of#which i feel like someone told me lately (on here probably and ididnt reply im sorry) that my counseling place should give me referrals to o#other places and they didn’t and maybe it’s bc i told them i was taking a break from counseling but i am kind of like 😐😑. but i’ll figure it#out and find someone. i think there’s a thing i can do through work i just have to gather the spoons to actually do it and i spent all of th#them on the drivers manual today. also i read like half the drivers manual today! which is something to acknowledge. ok im done now bye
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Okay so all I need is a solid pair of headphones and to figure out how to convert my mp4 files to mp3 ones and I will be all good to actually record my first episode.
#spent around an hour or so using the two programs I was thinking about using#going to go with audacity#I just want to get everything ready so I can just record/edit in the audio/edit and publish#I don’t know how long that process will take me but I’m not thinking too terribly long#like maybe a few hours or so#was feeling a lot more overwhelmed earlier but I think the more I use the program I’ll get more comfortable with it#also maybe need a better chair because the one I’m in is so damn creaky#I have a hunch that if I burn the cds I can save them as mp3s and that will do! it’ll just be a bit time consuming but I’d be all set#Payton podcasts
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i miss hg week so much
#lately all i see on the dash is discourse and people arguing back to antis and whilst i completely understand it#it sadly gets too overwhelming at times#fandom should be fun and a creative environment (which we have!!! in our little corner)#but sometimes it all gets clouded and muddled by how much we allow antis to take over our content#i like analyzing billy writing down and reading about his character beyond the two dimensional part#but!!! we also should be able to just have fun? not have to explain and delve in the same things over and over and over again idk#nvm i’m just ranting a little bit#maybe it’s more a me thing than anything else
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yeah I have more to say
#I think priest was right when he said I wanted a lot and it’s more than I can have bc I’ve taken more than I can handle#I’ve been trying to say yes to things which is all well and good but I’ve been out every night this week between hockey and friends#this week has lasted six months#and at the same time Tuesday was a few hours ago#and at all times there is so much I’m not doing.#as always it’s partially an issue of wasted time bc ive been getting up late and struggling to work in my room#but I also still haven’t recovered from the cold mentally or physically and it put me so behind#which was now two weeks ago god#somehow only two weeks#.but also two fucking weeks that’s so long#and I’m still trying to be gentle w myself but that doesn’t work but i also know I’m being too harsh on myself all the time#I don’t know what to do with any of this#I think temporarily I might stop Doing Things and just have time for me to get myself back together and slow down a bit bc it’s way too much#I think I’m just really horribly overwhelmed by everything and it’s built up to a breaking point#so this weekend I’m not gonna go out and see anyone I’m gonna stay in or go to the library and finish my work#have a goddamn cup of tea before I go to bed#I need to go to the shop and cook at some point but that can be basics for now because as much as I’d like to do the pie thing#maybe leave it until I’m more together so I’m not worried abt Extra things. I think temporary goal is to minimise the number of things#I really want to cry and just have it out but I’m teetering on the like. wanting to cry feeling instead of pushing over#this is a jump but I’m so tired of prioritising everyone else’s feelings#I realised tonight when I’m playing I’m always holding myself back a little to let other people do shit#and it’s not even like I’m holding back bc I’m good. I’m just letting other people do stuff bc I think they deserve it more#and when we had Shit happen I took on talking everyone down and making sure they were all okay#and then that whole weekend after I was completely fucked I couldn’t Do Anything#even with ms main character I’ve been stroking her ego do she doesn’t blow up completely and fuck stuff up for Everyone#maybe. just maybe my feelings are also important and I’m allowed to have shit not be my problem like everyone else#I think I’m going to bed it’s 2:40#I’m gonna try prioritise myself just a little tiny bit more#luke.txt
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maybe the psych ward thing wasn’t a bad idea
#overwhelmed is an understatement i feel like i’m gonna cry#can’t do anything bc i’m lazy as shit and then i remember maybe it’s bc of depression#but at the same time going at a slower pace makes me lazy and i need a right schedule to do things#but that makes me anxious and incapable of doing anything#so it’s just hell huh#and this makes me feel even worse and therefore i’m even more tired and unable to do what i have to#but the idea of psych ward also stresses me out bc of how much i’ll miss out on#like i’ll have to catch up and i don’t think i’ll be able to do that#guess taking a break would mean i’d get better at least a bit but i don’t think that’ll happen like it’s not possible#i can’t get better bc if i do that means there was never anything wrong so i was just making a scene and i should’ve just shut up or kms#i feel like puking and crying all the time#and stressed out beyond comprehension#for no reason#and i know this makes me such a bitch but it’s so exhausting when everyone around you keeps talking abt how ‘omg were all soo mentally ill’#like it’s fun or sth#bc ig we are! but somehow i’m the only one who can’t deal with anything#and i don’t really have an excuse to be this stupid and lazy#bc everyone else is doing ok and keeping up and studying and getting good grades and dating and everything#and i start bawling bc i get a text and i feel like i can’t keep up bc i’m so tired#i wish i was dead
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