#and i need to take my self out to my fucking dumpster fire
Note
Well if it's okay to spam photos of frank... MORE FRANK!!!
that fucking UGH the third one?????? scruffy frank???? and the scarf?? BUT THE SCRUFF AND THE HAIR F U C K~🎃
#all of these are great 100%#the CoverallWhore™️ is gonna crawl out of the walls for this one#but that scruffy scraggly frank is just#fucking perfect#exactly what i’m vibing with rn#fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckfuck#he’s just so goddamn beautiful#and i need to take my self out to my fucking dumpster fire#bc in this house the trash takes itself out#frnkiebby#raverfrank#frank iero#mcr#frnkiero#mcrmy#frnkie#mcr5#my chemical romance#my chem#ilhsm
38 notes
·
View notes
Note
May I humbly asks for your interpretation/opinion/view of the Spider & Quaritch as well as the Spider & Sullies relationships/dynamics ?
Sure! I’ve complained about how my opinion of the characters changed throughout the year of being engaged in the fandom so I might as well share! 🤭
Spider: An audacious, frat-boy-ish teen who stinks of dirt, sweat and will eat a live bug to gross you out. Kiri said that he bites and she was 100% honest because this kid will fling his mask off and tear into your throat if you mess with his baby siblings 😤 at the same time, he’s more than capable of being responsible and gentle, especially when it comes to Pandora, its wildlife and cultures, all of which are clearly very important to him. A menace with a heart of gold and an iron fucking will, untameable. Unbreakable. No authority scares him.
Quaritch: A man so damaged he can’t be repaired. He’s seen too many horrors, killed too many people, watched too many comrades die, has been infected with too much poison. It runs in his veins and destroys everything he touches…which is precisely why he is only likeable as a father. He has never been one before and that part of him is completely new, not yet damaged. The only part of him not yet tainted by the rotten creature that is the rest of him. A mangy, old army dog that will burn Pandora to the ground if its chain is broken, but will lie down and wag its tail for his child, and only him.
Oh, and he’s mentally ill too, at least to some extent, canonically. It’s not to say that his mental illness makes him a bad guy. No. It’s the lack of care he puts into coping with it that contributes to the dumpster fire that is Miles Quaritch. My personal headcannon is that he needs mood-stabilisers yet regularly skips them.
Spider & Quaritch dynamic: Two outcasts who bond over being isolated by their respective groups. Also, Lima and Stockholm syndrome duo! Quaritch gets an instant liking to Spider that soon grows into fatherly love, as Spider brings out the best in him; his most pure, childish and kind traits. Does the rest of him, the rotten, the poisoned, hate it? Oh, absolutely. But he can’t, won’t stop the wild-child from worming his way deep into his decaying heart. Spider meanwhile battles his own platonic feelings and holds onto his resentment as much as he can. He wants to love Miles but he doesn’t. He loves him but he wishes him an agonising death. He wants to be hugged by him and sink a blade into his chest. He wants Miles to prove him that not all grown ups are rotten and he can still be loved. He wants Miles to love him.
Spider & Sully siblings dynamic: “A family disappointment and local cool stoner to his siblings, who are more than happy to take after him because they think his utter freedom and lack of care for authority is cool” kinda vibe. Will play fight with his siblings and bite their noses before kissing them better and shoving them away. Calls Tuk a little gremlin affectionately. Brings Lo’ak back down to Pandora when he spirals into his insecurities or gets too bold and self-sacrificial. Is platonic soulmates with Kiri and feels a profound connection to her, as she does to him. Resents Neteyam for abandoning their little group to become a "respectable warrior". Wants him back. Wishes things could be like when they were kids.
Spider & Neytiri dynamic: She she sees him as a pesky, dangerous demon child that…that didn’t do anything but stay loyal, through all the torture and horrors. A lot of guilt is present between them after the final battle, and they will definitely have a horrible, explosive argument about it sooner or later, but for now they are content at silently sharing space, at time quipping and taking light jabs at each other, because that is their cycle. Playfulness, fear, resentment, until it all explodes and they scream at each other, then the cycle repeats, fuelled by guilt. Is there a chance to stop it? Will they ever be okay?
Spider & Jake dynamic: Hero worship turned disappointment. Spider idolised him for his status and incredible feats as a child but as he grew, and Jake consistently kept him at an arms length without establishing clear boundaries, the constant pining to have him as a father became a never-ending, aching pain in Socorro’s chest. Jake gave him an empty hope that they might one day be a family, without ever clarifying that it’ll never be true, confusing the boy until he was proved not once, not twice, but thrice, that he isn’t needed, isn’t missed, or loved by Jake. He’s a stray animal, and that is all he’ll ever be to him. He knows better now than to wish for something that can never be…doesn’t even want to. Quaritch might be a horrific monster, but at least he genuinely loves him. He doesn’t need Jake’s pathetic scraps of affection anymore. He doesn’t need him anymore.
•
#atwow#atwow fanfiction#atwow sully family#sully family#atwow jake sully#avatar jake sully#Jake sully#atwow spider#spider socorro#atwow neytiri#neytiri sully#neytiri#avatar 2#avatar the way of water#avatar loak#lo’ak sully#atwow loak#atwow neteyam#neteyam sully#neteyam#atwow kiri#Kiri sully#atwow quaritch#miles quaritch#recom quaritch#avatar way of water
60 notes
·
View notes
Text
Boston and his "friends"
Last week, after I watched Boston get wrongfully branded by Atom as a sexual predator and isolated from the group, I was seething with rage and wanted to see Cheum, Mew and Ray to fall at Boston's feet and beg for his forgiveness after the truth comes out.
But today, honestly, I think it is a better character arc for Boston if he doesn't get that resolution from them. Because he fucking doesn't need it. He has defined a wonderful relationship with Nick, his first love, that will give him joy until he leaves for New York (cc @lurkingshan) and he has listened to Atom's grovelling apology. He has no other hangups tying him down.
Cheum, Ray and Mew, on the other hand, do not have the conviction to confront the truth in their relationships. They accused Boston of being duplicitous but none of them approaches their own problems with anything even remotely resembling a healthy communication.
Cheum heard her brother tell her that he lied about Boston taking advantage of him and all she could say was this:
She did not feel horrified that her brother chose to slander a friend, and she does not feel any remorse for her actions. I bet she thinks it's all fine because Boston is a slut anyway, he slept with Top and ruined Mew's relationship, so why does it matter that he was wrongfully accused this one time. Well, Cheum, it doesn't matter to him, but it will matter to you as you have not learned the integrity to face your mistakes and apologize for them. An apology should not be made expecting forgiveness in return, and it should not be valued based on the moral standing of the person you're apologizing to.
Mew. Oh, Mew, Mew, Mew. @lurkingshan pointed out during our post-episode conversation that Mew cannot stick to his schemes, he peters out at the first sign of stress and gives in to the status quo. He wanted to give Top a second chance, and then Boeing showed up. After understanding that Boeing is playing games for his own revenge-on-Top agenda, he initially goes along with it to spite Top. And after all the scheming has made both of them utterly miserable, he listens to his parents and finally decides to give Top an honest-to-goodness second chance. But, he doesn't give it after going through the painful process of self-reflection, and communication where both of them can set clear boundaries and understand where they each stand. Nope. Instead, they just casually agreed to push it away to deal with it in the future.
I declare my love for Theory of Love as loudly and passionately as I can whenever I get the chance on this hellsite, and one of the main reasons why I love that show so goddamn much is the conversation between Khai and Third in the Theory of Love Special Episode, where Khai admits that a girl kissed his neck at a party and how he tried so hard to keep Third from finding out. Third then tells him that he has known about the kiss the whole time, and how Khai need not worry; he knows the difference between an accident and a kiss with purpose. He then tells him that Khai is not the only one trying to make this relationship work, he is trying too, because Third also loves Khai and wants to be with him.
This is what healthy communication looks like. The issues and miscommunications must be tackled head-on and resolved before moving on, so they don't fester into an even bigger and more painful problem later. You can't "leave the problems to the future" and expect it to work itself out. In case y'all don't remember, Khai had to step on literal broken glass to stand his ground and plead his case after a miscommunication, and it was still not enough. That's how painful this process is and I will bet my bottom dollar that Mew has exactly zero percent of the fortitude it takes to talk through a relationship faux pas.
Ray, the human embodiment of a fucking dumpster fire. All he says to Sand after accusing him of taking money from his dad in exchange of taking care of him is "I'm sorry" and Sand immediately takes him back into his arms (I'm so embarrassed that I was briefly rooting for Sand at the start of the show). He does his community service with Sand for a hot minute and then immediately plans an overseas trip to whisk him away. He spells it out, yet again, how he is always looking to "buy" Sand (cc @wen-kexing-apologist)
Buying Sand, ya know, the exact same thing he was mad about, one episode ago.
Trying to prove that Ray's communication skills are severely subpar and unhealthy is like trying to prove that the water in the ocean is salty; the more time I spend on this, the stupider I would look.
All of this is a long winded way to say that Cheum, Mew and Ray will be too busy trying to escape their own trappings, the ones they built for themselves while they convinced self and each other that they are better than Boston; while Boston moves on with his life, living unapologetically as he always does. They can keep their apologies -- I don’t need it, and neither does Boston.
#writing about healthy communication in only friends was a surprisingly tiring task#who would've thought#and did i write this post just to wax about my favorite scene in theory of love? yes i did#only friends#only friends the series#ofts#ofts meta#only friends meta#theory of love#theory of love the series
105 notes
·
View notes
Note
I completely agree with you about the casting for Abby. She'd be perfect for flashback and young Abby. Nothing against the actress, but Naughty Dog could have done better.
Every single day I have to swallow down opinions about HBO's The Last of Us because I am tired and don't have the mental energy to organize a full length essay explaining what a horrible adaptation (and independent show aside from being an adaption) the fucking thing was.
Like - the characters clothes all looking brand new even though they're supposed to be in a 20 year long apocalypse, the endless product placement taking up space where sweet character building moments were, Joel's entire character arc being fucked to the point where he is cold and rejecting toward Ellie more than halfway through the story (and for more than half the story, it seems like they don't even like each other because they missed so many key moments), casually adding in the theme of disability euthanasia, the seasons being way tf off even though seasons is a central important theme of the game, them adding physical conflicts between Ellie and Joel when he never used physical violence as a way to communicate with her in the game (ever), Joel trauma dumping on Ellie that he failed at killing himself and she's basically the reason he's 'okay' now (when in the game, she had to beg and pry to get him to open up about himself. big yikes).
The show is a whole ass dumpster fire.
But yeah - she is not a good choice for casting, and I really hope that they only intend her to be younger Abby in the flashbacks. Otherwise, idk what they're gonna do. Even something I forgot to mention in that original post - Abby and Lev's relationship is supposed to parallel Joel and Ellie's relationship from the first game. If Abby is very petite and very young looking, then the Abby and Lev dynamic will not have the same impact as it did in the game. It will not come off as an adult taking care of a child (as it is supposed to, as it's supposed to parallel Joel and Ellie) - it will come off as two young people struggling together, and it just won't work.
Especially because one of the most important moments is - Abby carrying Lev down the beach after Ellie unintentionally freed them from the Rattlers, and even if it's unspoken, it's very clear that Ellie sees herself and Joel in those moments - and that is why she targets Lev in order to provoke Abby into a fight. Because she knows that one of the only ways to provoke a tired, broken down, exhausted Joel into a fight would have been someone threatening her life. And if Abby is some tiny, petite little girl instead of her usual towering self - those moments will not have the same impact. At All.
Anyway - people who like the show probably haven't had any proper contact with the games to know how good they are, or they are just thirsting over Pedro Pascal. idk. season two is bound to be a dumpster fire as well
also, okay - with the casting for Abby, I feel like somebody has to talk about Abby vs conventional attractiveness. because when TLOU2 first came out, there was the endless flood of 'Abby is a man' comments about her muscles, and I feel like the producers of the show are just downright cowards for not casting someone thick and muscled to play Abby in the show because it is an important part of her character, and because - it's giving in to all the backlash about her looks from the game.
casting someone petite and thin - someone who is very conventionally attractive - is a very cowardly move. because Abby is not supposed to be a conventionally attractive woman. she is supposed to be a brute, scary woman with a surprising soft side. (and I know, the lesbians are gonna be flooding my comments being like "I think Abby is attractive!!" but I am talking about attractiveness in terms of typical Hollywood casting.) it is just stupid not to cast her accurately to avoid backlash or because you think the character suddenly needs a makeover according to Reddit fanboys
like wtf
#anonymous#sundrop answers#abby anderson#the last of us#the last of us season 2#the last of us hbo#tlou#tlou2#discussion
36 notes
·
View notes
Text
I need to vent because I'm really struggling with this reality, I can understand if you're talking about people that have done awful crimes again and again and redemption is really almost impossible after a certain line crossed even if those ppl still shouldn't be tortured or killed imo because they are people too, but putting ignorance and words on the same plane as a soldier going to shoot people in their homes is being completely out of reality to me
how are we supposed to progress and make the world safer when this extreme polarization only pushes people on middle grounds further into those fucked up ideologies from which is difficult to get out because they modify your whole reality?
I honestly don't understand this, this is just about shaming people to submission instead of actually changing their minds making them think and reflect so they can start building from there and have their own critical thinking skills
Criticism is always fair and people should be held accountable about serious things, and you shouldn't be forced to interact with them when you don't want to or don't feel like educating them, I agree with that completely (and that's why I love the blocking button)
but I'm noticing how online we jumped from "holding accountable" to "burn them at the stake and add fuel if they try to make steps to be better" and that's not being a normal person to me
If you do that irl you are becoming a bully whether you like it or not, you would be consciously harassing someone.
And if I had to act like this with the people in my life I would have to literally kill all my relatives and friends because there isn't one that has completely correct ideas about every single thing in the world and I bet it's the same thing for every single person that is doing this on the internet, my own parents have been homophobic in the past because of ignorance, my friends have been too and they are the same age as me
your background influences you and often people are ignorant and don't have others around them that can teach them or have people that continue to teach them wrong things... and now the only way they are being "teached" by the other side is by someone screaming at them that they are the devil and should die... Like, imagine doing that to students in school???? that's not teaching. that's abuse.
I hate this new mentality of labeling all real people that aren't perfect as evil regardless of what they actually did, you just take the thing that they did and distort it to give it a hyper negative meaning and you are 10000% sure they meant that as in how the most evil person on earth would, it CAN'T be ignorance and stupidity it must be cruelty regardless of what one is actually doing
It seems like people just want to push others to have self hating thoughts until they kill themselves at this point especially on fucking Twitter that's just a dumpster fire of abusers pretending to be activists from what I've seen
So many people pretending to care about mental health while ganging up on others constantly
there isn't a measure of things anymore, you don't know how to make a fair critique to someone without using abusing language and people are closing off and going away from the internet because of this, because in real life if you act like a maniacal person screaming at others all the time that they should do something you want them to do while following them around after a certain point they get a fucking restraining order for your ass
26 notes
·
View notes
Note
Literally... none of that is true lmao. Dick had beef with Bruce and mostly tried to keep Jason out of it, and let Jason know he was there for him if he needed it. They went skiing together. Dick had a complete breakdown after Jason's death.
Where do I even start on the next bit. ALFRED originally gave the Robin mantle to Damian. "Worst year of Tim's life" It was the worst year of DICK'S life. His father of like 15 years died, his city got blown up, his best friend died, etc etc. And he STILL pulled it together and took on the burden of becoming Batman, sacrificed his independence, moved to Gotham to raise Bruce's deeply traumatized son.
Also he NEVER tried to put Tim in Arkham. And god forbid he not listen to Tim who had NO EVIDENCE Bruce was alive, instead of taking care of all back-breaking responsibilities on his shoulders while still grieving
Anyway. Please don't use fanon Tim stan nonsense to slander Dick thank you <3
ask 1 ^
ask 2:
i know it doesnt actually matter but that second-to-last ask abt dick grayson is literally just straight up lies. this person has not read any of the comics they are referencing. they are just quoting incorrect fanon as if its facts. dick had a complicated relationship with jason, yes, but wasn't particularly unkind to him, just distant, and is shown to have regretted that and grieved him hard; i'm not even gonna begin to get into the damian bashing but literally at no point did dick ever try to get tim committed to arkham. he suggested tim get therapy, because their adoptive father was dead (as far as they knew) and tim was convinced he wasn't but had no evidence. this is not an unreasonable thing to suggest to your grieving brother who appears stuck in denial! and he didn't "replace tim with damian and not even tell him". damian literally interrupted the conversation where he was trying to tell tim about it (where his rationale was that damian, a child literally raised in a cult of assassins, needed to be given a role to fill in bc he needed structure while being deprogrammed from being a child soldier, and dick wanted to see tim as his equal, not a subordinate.) tim himself completely reconciled with dick by the end of this comic. that anon was just making up a guy to be mad at, not actually talking about dick grayson 💀
ask 3:
Hi I’m the dick grayson shouldn’t win anon, the people thirst voting one etc etc but saw some propaganda that’s based on bald faces lies and I gotta correct it bc it’s my pet peeve. DICK DID NOT THREATEN TIM WITH ARKHAM. HE SUGGESTED A THERAPIST IN METROPOLIS like okay he fucked up there but he made the best decision he could during the red robin run (which is a dumpster fire) and like it’s been a minute since I read battle for the cowl era but didn’t Alfred give Damian the robin suit. And Jason was literally in dick’s family colours which got taken away from dick by Bruce which he had no right to do so I mean he justifiably didn’t like him. And yeah okay dick did put Jason in Arkham but need I remind you that Jason went on a killing spree as Batman and almost killed tim. And let’s be real him and him are brothers. He didn’t ditch him. That relationship was never fixed in comics bc they reset the universe but at the end of red Robin they were okay. And like you have over 10 years of comics but the important thing is that Arkham was NEVER what dick suggested to Tim holy shit but uh also don’t vote for dick in the next round (vote for him against supernatural guy tho) I just don’t appreciate the slander but I’ll be putting out my anti dick grayson propaganda next thanks
Adding to my other ask, Tim literally sounded like he was losing it. Like I wouldn’t believe him either. In the nightwing comics not too long ago he tried to bring his dad, Steph, and Conner back to life with the Lazarus pit. Tim willingly cut himself and started to use self destructive behaviours (LoA) and like his entire internal monologue supports that and bc grim dark era justifiably fucked him up okay I’m done
ok thank you! glad you're clearing this up
41 notes
·
View notes
Note
based off the fact that we already had two double dates with amelia, i kind of think that the one theory of mc and amelia both coming first and winning love island based off a tie could potentially be on the table. if fusebox ever pull that card i’m going to be absolutely done playing any season not just going forward but any season all together.
season 6 was definitely better than the last dumpster fire of a season, it’s been an small improvement but i feel like there’s no proper replay ability especially with the wlw routes and everything feels so linear and mundane. all the love interests sort of morph together in one minus a few short bonus lines to and a bit of flavour text and it’s been disappointing to see.
i love ozzy’s character but the execution and the wasted opportunities and potential to do so much more fell flat and the only reason i chose to couple up with him at the final recoupling is from the fan fiction i’ve read from authors like you who’ve shined so much light onto fleshing out all of the murky details.
anyways i’m sure some would say season 6 did great but in all honesty to me, it was just …okay.
If they do this to us, I’m slamming my fist on the table and pointing an accusatory finger at Fusebox.
Hamish works for them. His character was a self insert. Hamish would write that shit.
Honestly though, I’m actually not hating on season six. I think overwhelmingly the writing is about the same as season four, but I think the challenges are a little bit better done. I mainly just take point of the season for because of the goddamn fucking musical challenge and the compliment battle, both of which belong in the depths of hell.
However, credit where credits due, the actual characters for the season are fucking amazing. I know their dialogue is very similar, but Hamish is very different to Marshall who is very different to Andy. When we do get snippets of their characterisation, they’re really great. And as a fanfic writer personally, that’s what really matters. I’m gonna be taking the characters and putting them in different situations regardless, so I don’t need their dialogue in Villa to be perfect. I just need the characters to be unique and engaging, and I think they are.
Unlike season five. Who the fuck wants to write something about Alfie?
9 notes
·
View notes
Note
Lol, my Hawke is also the bottom in her relationship with Bela (it just makes sense to me) and they do commit crimes together but she tends to be more blue/diplomatic. Is yours sarcastic? And what exactly is their dynamic like?
OH MY GOD I JUST SAW THISN HFGVFYU
I forgot tumblr asks were a thing,, thank god i started fucking around and clicked the correct button.
Bottom Hawke enjoyers unite!!!! I just think it's especially funny considering theyre quote unquote the leader of the group, so thinking of them as actually losers who are just winging it makes me so happy.
My Hawke is mostly a purple/sarcastic hawke. She's mostly quite laid back and easygoing because she's allergic to taking things seriously and/or confronting her issues, which bites her in the ass as the story progresses. She'd rather die than let people know she has feelings other than funny one-liners. She's loud and rash, but somehow things keep working out for her... Until they dont. They really come crashing down. Behind her chronic class clown facade is someone with a very set personal moral code. She genuinely cares for her friends and has a surprisingly high EQ, which is why the kirkwall gang hasnt devolved into beating each other senseless. At first glance she seems flaky and unreliable, but she's relentless when it comes to that she thinks as her responsibilities: her family, her friends, and for some fucking reason the city of Kirkwall (she really, really wishes she hadnt gotten attached god fucking damnit, its a dumpster but its HER dumpster). Those are the only three subjects you'll see her getting serious about. Other than that she values freedom quite highly and doesn't really care about the big picture or politics. She's more of a small-scale, act local kind of gal.
At first Isabela and her get along like a house on fire; they love partying, they love drinking, Isabela finds Hawke's smartass attitude hilarious and Hawke finds really attractive how Isabela can steal shit without being found out. The problems start when Hawke's sense of responsibility and morals start to show up. It's not like Hawke has any issue with Isabela doing whatever she wants, she's a "live and let live" kind of person, but,,, even if Hawke presents herself as an unrepentant clown, she's anything but. She wants to help to a self-sacrificing degree, refuses to engage with her own needs and has little sense of self-preservation. She's careless yet also keeps prioritizing everyone else before herself, which infuriates Isabela. They begin a situationship which is supposed to be purely physical, but Hawke gets attached yet refuses to admit it, even to herself; Isabela finds Hawke's newfound moral righteousness grating and makes her feel judged for her choices. Basically miscommunications galore. They have a big fight where neither of them actually listen to each other and refuse to be emotionally vulnerable.
And yet both of them come back for the other in their time of need, regardless and even in spite of their positions because no matter what they actively choose to love each other,, does that make sense? After the second act both of them decide their relationship is worth the trouble of,, working through their issues together and trying to better themselves. As everything around Hawke and Kirkwall start crashing down their relationship becomes their solace. It's hard, and they fuck up a lot, but they choose to make it work and actively care for their relationship.
Yeah but anyways, my Hawke is also a bumbling idiot with enough charisma to compensate it. She has fucked before but blushes like a maiden the second she sees Isabela's ankle. She's the "me and the bad bitch i pulled with my whimsical rizz" meme. Isabela is like hawke no and shes like hawke YESSSSS she's a golden retriever. if i had to choose a character she's most similar to it'd be gideon i guess.
TLDR; hawke: "isabela i taped myself to the ceiling but now i cant get down can you handfeed me some hot pockets" isabela: "why do i find this attractive"
#da2#dragon age#chia rambles#hawkebela#god i wrote this without thinking ill definitely make a better post#but i wanted to answer because i felt so bad i hadnt seen this ask before#anyways its all about emotional vulnerability and choosing to love each other around here#and being chaotic together#be gay do crimes#aveline is constantly on the verge of a stroke#hawke is the kind of gal who says yippee unironically#shes cringe but she is free#everyone is like god damnit shes so fucking pathetic why do we like her#shes eating food off the floor#yet somehow when push comes to shove she DELIVERS#so they grow attached to their horror
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
thoughts on task force z? I’m not sure if you’ve talked about it before but I’m curious what you think of jason’s characterization there
disclaimer: i’m moving blogs. still here to go through my askbox, but you will find me at @boyfridged most of the time.
it's been almost two months, but i've been postponing replying to this ask because i rarely read recent comics, and infinite frontier is a dumpster fire. but i finally got to it!! here are my general thoughts that i noted during that read-through:
so i know that i’ve been talking a lot about how interesting the cyclical nature of jason’s story is, and how it makes a lot of sense for him to be stuck in this loop on the peripheries of the narrative, but reading this series made me want to retract this statement purely because dc doesn't know how to make it work. stories about cycles like that require awareness of why the cycle occurs, research about the source material (how was it perpetuated before?) and a good idea about how the same storyline structure can be written to feel fresh and novel for a reader.
spoiler alert: the storyline did not feel fresh nor novel. it was incredibly dull. i think rosenberg just isn't a very good writer, you know? his dialogues are stiff, and i swear he has not heard in his life about "show don't tell" (and while i'm not even that committed to the idea of "show don't tell" in regular literature, comics entirely rely on show don't tell. not to take the rule too literally, but this is what you have pictures for!! use them to mean something, maybe?)
i think i get why i've seen people praising tfz though, and that's because rosenberg has a surprisingly good general grasp of jason's character (compared with zdarsky, for example.) then again, this is the bare minimum, the bar is on the floor or below, etc. and he could fit that comprehension of jason’s character in a tweet. no need for a 12-issues series.
so, let's take an overview of things that jason says: “you didn’t make me, you raised me” “i made mistakes because i was scared, and i was angry, and i was hurt” “i died trying to save someone i cared about. (…) i died a hero” all good points! all true. so what's the issue? well, to me it's that he would not fucking say that. why does he talk like he's in therapy? when did he come to all these conclusions? the thing about good storytelling is that characters very rarely have a clear picture of their own place in the world; and while it is the case that jason is interesting in the sense that he's always verging on a brink of that awareness, and he is quite vocal about his feelings, the thing is that nevertheless, he rarely brings himself to openly speak about things that matter; he deflects. and it makes sense for him to be quite repressed (it's self-preservation. it's the dialogical nature of identity.) why would a character suddenly start monolouging on their relationships and their status in the narrative (lol.) etc? the whole series is like that, and it's exhausting, because it doesn't mean anything at all. you can tell me all of these things, but how about you show me how and why he came to this realisation? where's the internal conflict? ever heard of symbolism? parallels? plot devices? figures of speech?
on the topic of talking like in therapy, i think the only interesting bit was barbara telling jason that he's basing his identity on his trauma. it has potential, and it makes sense it would be barbara to say it.
but since i'm on the topic of other characters already: every single other character acts like they're a cardboard cut-out. we see the same confrontation with bruce we've seen hundred times before (okay. maybe not hundred but def more than 10 times. hell, there was the same confrontation in cheer that came out the same year, i think?), and bruce sounds like a broken record. i have to stress that i do think there are good reasons for them to be stuck in the same place when it comes to their relationship, but once again, if you want to write about it, try to make a point about why this is the case. and atp, it's just so inconsistent with bruce's current characterisation, that it feels like he just appears in red hood stories as a prop. same with pretty much all the batfam really. since when is the whole batfam sooo eager to agree with bruce when it comes to every single one of his decisions? if you need to make everyone seem to be mindless to make your main character right, then you're doing it wrong. whatever happened to nuance? get off ao3, rosenberg, this is not a whump fic.
in general, i couldn't tell you what that story is trying to say. and i consider myself a very charitable reader. i've found elements in rhato that i thought were note-worthy. here?? there's no substance. at all.
my favourite part must be the ending and jay essentially saying that he wants to heal and start a new life, and steph replying that where he’s going is where the joker was last spotted. ok i see. a classic jason todd move: “starting a new life <3" -> doing exactly the same thing he’s done before but now isolated and even more mentally disturbed. go girl:) this i can stand behind.
btw i haven’t caught up with all of infinite frontier stuff (and I don’t even know if I want to) but why does everyone and their mother know jason’s identity? what is up with that.
also: amazing how you can write a whole series filled with harv & jay's interactions and never once mention that two-face got jason's father killed! but for that you would have acknowledge a storyline in which jason cares about willis and forgives a villain, right? and dc is not doing that.
in conclusion. it was tedious.
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hiding Injury/Sickness Masterlist
All Hands On Deck (ao3) - inkinmyheartandonthepage
G, 1k
Summary: Tony cursed, cutting FRIDAY off. He had forgotten. How could he have forgotten that Peter had been injured yesterday. He should have benched his kid as soon as he saw him. Peter never should have been fighting.
Or
Peter is injured and the Avengers forget as they are called out for another mission not even 24 hours after the first.
Anywhere but Here (ao3) - occasionalspiderfiction (SemiRetiredAuthor), sickficlurker (SemiRetiredAuthor)
T, 2k
Summary: Peter gets hurt in a mission and can't bring himself to duck out of the debriefing afterward.
A Prank Too Far (ao3) - courtinator
M, 156k
Summary: A team member's pranking goes too far, causing one member's mental health to take a blow he may not be able to come back from.
Can't start a fire without a spark (ao3) - gottalovev
steve/tony
E, 36k
Summary: The Avengers might be reunited, but they are holding together with a Band-Aid and a severe case of Tony pretending nothing happened. The superficial truce is shattered the day Steve takes control of Tony's suit and forces him to go to medical in a tense situation. When Tony is ordered to take a vacation, Steve volunteers to go with him.
I kinda sorta got stabbed. (ao3) - peter_parkr
T, 3k
Summary: This left Peter alone in a dark alley of Queens past midnight on a school night with a severe stab wound bleeding freely into his cupped hand. He stumbled backward and landed on his ass, leaning against a dumpster.
"Fucking idiot" Peter mumbled. Guy could’ve walked away with spider-man’s identity but instead he got $12 and an empty Dunkin’ Donuts gift card.
---
Or: Peter gets stabbed in a fight and refuses to call Tony but ends up bleeding on his doorstep anyways.
it's hard to be here when I feel like an open wound (ao3) - canon irondad (tomlinsoul)
T, 3k
Summary: When Peter falls down the stairs one morning he decides not to tell anyone, his insecurities about not being enough winning out. Too bad insecurities don't matter when they end up trekking through miles of barren land on a takedown mission, and his injuries finally become too much.
Tony knows exactly what to say.
Last Man Standing (ao3) - MusicalLuna
T, 1k
Summary: Steve gets hit a little harder than he initially thought, but he's going to handle it on his own because that's what his team needs from him. Right?
Let the wind take me (ao3) - Marnky
steve/tony
T, 48k
Summary: “Once the heart gets too heavy with pain, people don’t cry. They just turn silent. Completely silent.”
---
Peter struggles as he tries to understand his place in the world.
He turns to some unhealthy coping mechanisms, hoping to get some closure but all he finds are worried glances from his parents and neverending guilt.
or
Snippets of Peter's life battling mental illness and trying to learn how to accept the unconditional love from the people who care about him the most.
Self preservation is for boomers (ao3) - Robin_Kid
G, 11k
Summary: Peter being Peter sees broken ribs as a slight inconvenience but when Tony finds out, he's under close watch whilst he recovers. A villain he put away is seen prowling the streets once more and Sam is the only other person who knows. Of course, Peter is Peter. Will Sam tell the others? Will he get there in time to stop Peter getting over his head?
sick day (ao3) - aloneintherain
T, 2k
Summary: Mr. Stark places the back of his hand against Peter’s forehead, realises again he’s wearing gauntlets and Peter is wearing a mask, and retracts it. “Friday, does he have a fever?”
“Oh my god,” Falcon says. “What kind of hellscape did knock-off Harry Potter throw us into? Are you parenting him right now?”
Sleep Over Jitters (ao3) - inkinmyheartandonthepage
G, 2k
Summary: In his nervousness and excitement of having his first movie night with the Avengers, Peter forgets to take his epilepsy medication.
Slipping Through The Cracks (ao3) - dentalfloss
pre clint/phil
T, 10k
Summary: Phil looked at Clint, lowering his weapon, devastation clear on his face for a fraction of a second. Devastation for what Clint had done or devastation for what he’d suffered, Clint wasn’t sure. He squared his shoulders regardless.
“People like to say that blood smells like iron, but it doesn’t. Blood smells like blood, and sometimes there’s no way around it and no room to regret it.”
The Damages We Keep (ao3) - dentalfloss
clint/phil
T, 13k
Summary: Clint wasn’t stupid, but sometimes he did stupid things. Hiding the fact that he was injured seemed to make the top of that list as far as Coulson and his team was concerned.
The Five Times Peter Denies an Illness or Injury + the One Time He Doesn't (ao3) - whumphoarder
G, 6k
Summary: In which Peter is a little shit who can't admit when he's hurt or sick.
The Sick Little Archer (ao3) - AlyKat
G, 1k
Summary: Clint hadn’t ever had the option in life to admit to being sick. Sickness was what happened to other people. Not Clint Barton.
this crown of thorns (upon my liar’s chair) (ao3) - canon irondad (tomlinsoul)
T, 4k
Summary: Peter doesn't tell Mr Stark about the terrible pain he experiences after the ferry incident, too caught up in the guilt and shame and depression he feels as a result of Mr Stark's reaction.
Tony still finds out. Two weeks later. After Peter collapses. Apparently, it's time for a talk.
Used to the Pain (ao3) - hemingwaysgirl
T, 3k
Summary: Tony usually kept to himself when he was sick, never seeking comfort from anyone. He powered through in true Stark fashion, hiding the paleness and dark shadows with foundation and concealer. Sunglasses and fake smiles completed the look and no one ever suspected a thing. Well, no one except Pepper and a certain annoying spider kid.
We are the reckless (we are the wild youth) (ao3) - occasionalspiderfiction (SemiRetiredAuthor), sickficlurker (SemiRetiredAuthor)
T, 7k
Summary: Peter is sometimes just your average teenager who makes bad decisions such as, say, overestimating his tolerance for caffeine.
7 notes
·
View notes
Note
Happy DFF China! Your post inspired me — let’s hear about Sam/Dean/John. Do you see it as D/J already together and Sam joining, D/S already together and John joining, or all three getting together at once?
happy dadfucker friday spike! ❤ i have more than one answer to this question.
the first is: if we're talking in character, canon compliant, then i don't see any iteration of samjohndean *ever* happening. especially pre-series. largely in part for my enduring headcanon that Sam Knows and his feelings towards johndean are an absolute dumpster fire. partially as you'd expect - few things could be more horrifying than something like that happening in your family. having to live with that. having to get up for school tired af because you were up all night listening to your father blow your brother's back out. wishing you could have been kept awake by absolutely anything else.
is there also a sense of betrayal re dean; a sense that something that belongs to sam has been taken from him? and does sam look at dean sometimes - or, more specifically, look at *john* looking at dean, in this way that makes sam feel like his own skin is on backwards - and feel sick and dirty, because the last thing he is supposed to feel when he sees that is *jealous*? maybe. but fuck, does he hate john. he hates john for doing this to dean. and, by extension, to him.
so that being said i doubt sam would ever want in on a dadfucker threeway. i think he'd take quite a self righteous stance about it all and find it easier to hate/feel angry at them for this awful twisted thing than ever get to a place of trying to understand it. which is a totally understandable reaction, angry brotherlusting aside. but i do see sam understanding, or at least trying understand a bit more, when he's older. as it starts to become clear that dean is all he has and will ever have... because maybe john, all those years ago, felt some version of that too.
the only time i can see a dadfucker threeway maybe possibly happening, if you twisted my arm and pushed to the edges of my imagination, is after the daddycest bible in motion: dead man's blood. sam and john suddenly having a connection they didn't have before, what with the whole SO burning on the ceiling thing. dean overwhelmed at having his family back together again. all that emotion, sam's fresh trauma, john's old wound, the same for the first time ever; possibly copious amounts of alcohol; but it would require sam to have a real Moment of realising his family are all he has left in the world. and it would have to be a really low Moment - sam is only 22 at this point, he's so young and something so awful has just happened to him, and maybe he needs his dad? his big brother? he needs that comfort no matter how it comes? even if he's not quite drinking the family is everything kool aid yet - that is the only way and time at all i can ever see sam getting or wanting to get involved with his dad and his brother's incestuous shenanigans. (and if this were to happen idk i'd really want a sammy sandwich. john and dean wanting to take their best care possible of their golden boy 🥰... and this also lends itself nicely to a bit of jealousy from dean... john is never *that* soft and gentle with him, not like he is with sam... and what's all that about? is sam still the favourite, even *now*? does dean not just get this one thing from dad to himself? well, squash that one in the ignore-repress box for the next ten years...)
and then, from an out of character and warped/gross perspective, i see this going one of two ways (going dead dove now, tw non con):
bastard john/object dean- remember how i said before about john sharing dean with sam as an eighteenth birthday present? that vibe, because i think about this way too much. a cultlike version of john so used to using dean as a fucktoy that when sam comes of age the best present john can think of is letting sam, the golden son, in on the fun. who knows, maybe john's been promising this to sam for some time. maybe dean isn't even aware it's going to happen until the day of. but he knows what he's for and he knows what he's good at, and he so badly wants to be good for sam as well.
sam never made it to stanford, at least not on time. someone found the letter among his things. john and dean were having none of it. cue nasty corrective stuff. because if they can just make sam understand, if they can just show sam how good things can be here, with them, how they as a family can take care of each other, give each other everything they need... what more could he want?
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
The On-Fire Dumpster that Is My WIP Folder
These are more or less in order of priority...
Chapter limits and word counts are for my own guiding reference and are not set in stone.
Thief of Spades Season 2 (30ish chapters in total, 75-80k words) (ukus, detective/thief AU)- found out it's gonna take a little bit longer than I thought to finish it up but BY GOD I WILL DO IT. Nobody remind me that it's already been 8 months since I updated it. I know. I don't wanna talk about it. T_T
A Closer Look (one-shot, 5-6k words) (usukus, human AU) - hung over punk Arthur/stranger on the train Alfred with a tattoo "fixation" I think I can actually get it finished fairly quickly and I'm really enjoying it because it's turning out to be the most "they're both switches" thing I've ever done... and it's got a title now! Woo!
The Benefits of Being a Marine Biologist (working title, 25k-50k words, one-shot, no chapters) (ukus, monsterfuckery or rather, faefuckery) - No I will not elaborate further. ;P
The Floor is Lava (10-12 chapters, 40k-ish words) (ukus, omegaverse) - it's hella cute I'm not gonna spend a million years on it though. It's a romcom, it's gonna be paced more like one.
Expectations (15ish chapters, 50k-ish words) (ukus, omegaverse) - I'm resurrecting this one cuz I've done so much work on it--almost none of that work being actually writing it but the ideas!! I have them! and I need more alpha!Arthur/omega!Alfred and this one's ~sexy~ where FiL is more cute and fluffy.
Special Secret Project (4-6 chapters, 20k-ish words) - No spoilers!
Three-Part Harmony (on-going) (frusuk, human AU) - I've got more ideas for things these three can get up to >.> no plot, just more smut
Untitled (one-shot) (Ame+Can/Eng, canonverse, smut) - America and Canada team up on England. He may or may not survive the experience.
Some things I haven't forgotten about/stuff I lowkey want to do but haven't mentioned; all of which I may never do but WE'LL SEE:
Temptation Acknowledged (MAYBE) (priest!Alfred x demon!Arthur; ukusuk) Fuck it I might continue this. I got thoughts. I got feels.
If It's You: the smut bit
More ftm!Alfred stuff--including some with more heterosexuality (aka Alice). (oh the overly personal self-indulgence)
@ukus-so-much-potential <-- this
The Right Kind of Trouble - that nyo!ukus human AU with burlesque dancer Amelia and bartender Alice
Immortal being/time traveler AU
Stay by Your Side - the EngSey period thing which may or may not (but probably may) devolve into Arthur x Alfred x Angelique because I can (if I can ever be arsed).
*warms my hands near the fire* Does it not burn so brightly?
I'm gonna live forever.
#reference#wfsn mention#remember kids! if you have more than 5 wip's at any given time you cannot die#AS YOU CAN SEE I OUGHT TO BE A VERY BUSY BOY#yet my brain is so very soupy#long post#let me know what-- if anything-- you're excited for#I can't promise to bump it up in priority or anything#but it's nice to know ^-^
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Just a weird lil observation undeserving of tags
I just realized that I spat out roughly 40k words (+/- 38k are published, the rest are still all over my notes. It might even be way more than 40k) in less than a week, including a plot.
I was doing this casually.
I didn't plan a plot. I'm just writing down whatever weird lil scenes my autistic brain is sewing together in real time. I've watched Hannibal once. About a month ago. I've been roleplaying (primarily) Hannibal since. Sometimes Will. All of this is from memory. And the few snippets I picked up along the way in interviews.
(What I'm trying to do is rewatch the show, scene by scene & really take it apart, but I'm currently struggling with that since I gravely miscalculated, fucked it up & realized I don't have a Blu-ray device for the CDs. So, I first need to get that sorted out. Hannibal, on Netflix, isn't available in Germany, so you can see my problem here.)
Now, my autistic half is relatively manageable, it's quite similar to Will's manifestation & after my formal diagnosis, I've gotten a very good grip on managing my triggers & generally, staying in control of them. Most of the time.
On the other hand, my ADHD is a dominant infernal disaster dumpster hellscape of problems, always taking detours through the wild lands of distraction. We have a love/hate relationship. I'm (usually) highly medicated just to function bc I have the attention span of a fruit fly, I'm severely traumatized & my energy levels hover in the negative realm. The meds are fucking up my liver, so I haven’t been taking them over the semester break/pause, whatever it's called in English, which means I'm usually completely & utterly useless in that state. Strong executive paralysis.
So, the fact that in my unmedicated state, I've managed to vomit out roughly 40k words of a novel in less than a week is an incredible milestone. I'm not even sure if the story is good. I'll have to rework it on a couple of corners. This is also just phase one, since I'm now, once I rewatch the show, going into phase two, where shit will really go wild & the actual story begins. I didn't even think I'd make it past the first chapter. I was sweating to make it to 6, I was crying when I reached 10 & I nearly fainted when I made it all the way to 14.
And, once again, I'm so very glad that Hannibal has touched my little world, bc not only do I love that show, the books, the movies, everything, it's pulled me out of my depression & given me something to be happy about, bc those (almost) 40k words mean I shouldn't give up on myself just yet. I'm not a complete disaster. There's still untapped potential. There's still energy. I can feel the fire in my soul again, I feel alive again, I'm curious again, I'm feeling joy again & so much more.
I'm very grateful for that little revelation. So, my sincerest thanks to the universe & to everyone involved in the show, movies & books.
Danke.
I'm feeling my spark again, thanks to you. It's been dead for nearly 15 years.
And. I want my future self to look at this when the insecurity strikes again.
Believe in yourself, child. Believe.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Still irritated about how the conversation about emotional needs and the (what seems like) deliberate ignorance over different kinds of loneliness goes.
Yes! Absolutely! So you’re depressed because you don’t have X and people keep on telling you how much you’re missing out about A, B and C because you’re so focused in X, so surely trying to do that other thing is going to help, right? It might! It also might not! It could make matters worse as well! Or how much you should try to focusing on self-help, self-love, self-improvement, self self self self self self SELF, drives me fucking insane. I don’t want any more self focus, I need to learn how to exist externally, to get out of my brain. Or how much <insert some coping activity/hobby/exercise> can change your life forever. Or literally any thing else along these lines.
It’s so fucking infuriating that there exists this assumption that one must be miserable and just throw everything and everyone away, and is solely focused on their misery. Oh sure, some people absolutely are! But isn’t that shitty? And ableist as fuck?
“Wow if only you stopped being so mentally ill you could have a Normal Life Like Other People.”
Do people stop to use their goddamn brains for a fucking second? Holy shit! This might comes as a shock but even if you do engage in a number of different activities and have different kinds of relationships, your mental illnesses might not really get “better”. They can definitely improve a lot, one might even reach remission; while for others, the improvement is so little it feels insignificant.
Personally, I have had a lot of improvements in my life and mental illnesses too, while at the same time, some of my illnesses got much worse (AvPD being the main culprit), and even getting worse as a response to the other improvements! These can and do exist separately. It helps me seeing them separately so I can have an ounce of control over my life and my happiness, without avoiding the unpleasant feelings.
I have friends. I talk to people regularly. I go outside and literally touch grass.
I have several hobbies online and offline, I exercise constantly, I do a million different activities every day all the time for myself and also to cope with my brain.
I’m basically in a constant state of self-care and doing the best I can to become a better person for myself for my own sake because I know I’m worth the time and energy I spend doing this (even when I acknowledge my self-esteem might never get 100% “perfect”).
I love and am very thankful of my relationships and connections to people, of my hobbies and passions and of how well I take care of myself.
None of those things meet my emotional needs, nor address the type of loneliness that’s making me sick.
Among other things, they’re crutches, workarounds and stopgaps, they don’t address shit.
They do not address shit.
I’m giving myself permission to be angry over this.
I’m giving myself permission to be angry with assumptions about me and my life, with the understanding that, a lot of times, it comes from ignorance and it’s so very ableist.
I don’t want to hear any more about how much doing so many things can improve my life. I’m not a fucking idiot, I know that already. That’s why I fucking do them, for fuck’s sake.
My life is good, I’m happy, I’m getting healthier and happier and I still have to deal with this dumpster fire of a disorder all on my fucking own. It fucking sucks, it makes me suicidal even with all the happiness and good things.
I’m so goddamn tired.
I can be angry over this.
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
Caleb and his wife (and if you're up for it, Belord). ☕️
under a cut bc it got long!
Caleb and his wife: i am sooo fascinated with them. i want to know everything. Caleb is really just the character of all time, he's this ghost haunting the narrative whose death led directly to the entire story we see, but we know virtually nothing about him.
i'm very fond of my characterization of Caleb as a person who, as a survival mechanism, developed the ability to just Choose Not To See things that were threatening or painful, which came to include "every single one of the five billion red flags that Philip was waving all the time." i enjoy more complex takes on him that explore what his personal role in the absolute nightmare dumpster fire his and Philip's relationship clearly became might have been, and dislike the tendency to treat him as a precious cinnamon roll golden retriever boy (outside of like, obvious jokes/shitposts.)
i'm less firm on my mental characterization for his wife... she's fun to think about but exists as far more of like, an accessory to a plot device (Caleb being the plot device, LOVE his fridged anime mom energy) to me.
i like imagining her as someone who was really interested in the human realm, kind of similarly to the way Gus is, except she actually got to go there sometimes! it's really fun to think about the culture shock she experienced meeting Caleb and gradually finding out how fucking bonkers the culture he comes from is - like imagine your first introduction to Christianity being a seventeenth century literal Puritan.
the two of them are some really fertile ground for like, trauma recovery hurt/comfort - Caleb finding out how harmful and abnormal his upbringing was, getting to experience someone being like "wow none of that should have happened."
i also really enjoy imagining scenarios where like, the two of them end up spending time around or even living with Philip for a while, and he becomes a huge source of friction in their marriage, because Caleb's always overlooking his shitty behavior and making excuses for him, but witchwife doesn't have the same attachment.
(also interesting to consider that Caleb seems to have been willing to finally stand up to Philip and say enough when it came to protecting his wife, so, there IS a line Pip could cross...)
Belord: i love it so much. makes a terrifying amount of sense? like it's such a crackship but at the same time... there's genuinely a lot of intense emotional potential there. i can so easily see it actually happening, they would go together so well and have SUCH a bad breakup.
it's just so... it's such a relationship where both of them are using each other as stand-ins, basically. Philip of course just projects like hell onto Ford, sees him as basically another version of himself, and is so desperate for another human to be around that he'll completely forgive and excuse things totally antithetical to his own worldview.
and Ford does have a fundamentally opposed worldview! Ford loves the strange, paranormal, supernatural, occult, etc - he finds it fascinating and worthy of study, he finds it marvelous. he doesn't see it as something threatening which needs to be stamped out, he sees it as beautiful and relates to it.
Ford sees himself as a person rejected by and outside of typical society, and spitefully embraces that; at his worst he considers himself better than the people who reject him, at his best he's got a supreme sense of self-confidence and understanding of who he is and what his place in the world is.
Philip meanwhile is someone who i think has also been rejected and feels outside of typical society, and also looks down on those who have rejected him, but also tries incredibly hard to fit in and earn their respect. like, Ford knows nobody respects his study of the supernatural, but it means the world to him; Philip's whole thing here revolves around trying to gain status for himself and be the best and gain the regard of his community, a community i sincerely doubt was ever kind to him.
and Ford of course... is someone who is very vulnerable to flattery and having his ego stroked and also very lonely, and i think he would be really prone to ignoring Philip's red flags. they both project onto each other about their respective brother experiences, they both want to see each other as Just What They've Been Looking For, and for a time at least they both are able to be that for each other... but of course it can't last.
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hey all, this is another political post, the last I intend on making for the time being. I’m just facing some really strong feelings and need to get them out. I completely understand if you don’t want to read this so I’m gonna put all my feelings under a read more.
You shouldn’t keep reading if:
• You do not support equal rights (unfollow me if you don’t support equal rights, actually)
• You don’t want to read about abortions
• You don’t want to read about adoptions
• You don’t want to read about the possibility of assault/rape
• You don’t want to read about vasectomies/tubal ligation
• You’d just rather pretend the world isn’t turning into an absolute dumpster fire
I understand a lot of the nation had success in these midterms and I’m so thankful for that! Even though I live in a state that went completely red, I’m not disappointed with the overall results, they’re better than I expected, honestly.
Still though, I now have to plan and prepare what my future is going to look like because I now have complete whack jobs in control over my health care and body.
Fun fact about me; I’ve always wanted kids. Like, for as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a mother. But, we moved around a lot, money wasn’t totally there for it, so it hasn’t happened yet. Then everything with Roe V Wade went down and we had to take a hard look on what we wanted for our future.
Instead of having conversations with my husband about starting a family, we have had and are still having talks of how NOT to have kids. What we can do to make sure I am safe.
It started with him suggesting he gets a vasectomy which I’m on board with. But, there was this tiny sliver of light. We said if our governer becomes a democratic, we’d consider holding of on him going through the procedure. Well, ha, jokes on us.
I mentioned to him how I’m looking into tubal ligation now. And he said, “But, babe, I’ll get a vasectomy. You don’t have to worry about it.” Bless his heart.
Fact is, I DO STILL HAVE TO WORRY! What if the worst of the worst happens and I’m raped and a pregnancy comes of it? The government doesn’t give a flying fuck. I know the chances of that happening are slim but I never really thought I’d be sexually assaulted in my life and, gee, that’s happened to me twice!
I know I’m not alone in these statistics either, I know some people have it far worse than me. Some people have lived through that exact traumatic experience and worse.
So, my husband and I have had to take a good look at what’s best for us personally. We weren’t getting our hopes up though and we’re starting to accept that kids probably weren’t gonna be in the cards for us. Between my safety and the state of our country, it just doesn’t feel like it’s the right thing for us to do. I mean, no disrespect to those who choose to have kids/still want them, this is just what we feel is best for us.
The thing is though, before this ban went into place, we were still very much considering starting a family of our own. And then the government stepped in and removed those laws that made me feel safe and secure. They’re okay such a large roll in this massive decision in our lives. And I think that’s so fucking shitty!
And then, my state votes go out more of these narrow-minded twits in office to continue this destruction! I just— fuck, man— I can’t.
However, the hope is to eventually be able to adopt because I still would love to be a mother and raise a child. (Yes, this is where the very self-indulgent Kiri post came from). I might not feel safe having my own child but I hope that does not stop me from being a parent someday.
I guess I really don’t know where I’m going with this. It was just a lot of feelings and I’m still processing it all.
There’s this baby shower I have to go to this weekend and I’m happy for the parents but I don’t wanna go and listen to family do the whole, “when are you gonna have kids?” “Oh, you guys are gonna start a family soon, right?” “You’re almost thirty, better get to it!”
• the above quotes are just a few of the statements that’ve been said to me recently •
And I want nothing more than to rip their forking heads off and tell them it’s none of their damn business when I’m having children or, better yet, tell them exactly why I don’t have them yet!
Maybe someday I’ll have them, I still hope I will. But I’m now living with the very real possibility I won’t. And I’m on a journey to accepting that if I don’t, it’s totally okay. That my husband and I are no less a family, that I am no less a person. We do not need to have kids to live fulfilling lives.
I never thought it’d be such a hard lesson to learn… hell, I never thought it’d be one I had to learn.
#tw:sexual assault#tw: abortion#if I could move#I would in a heartbeat#gonna pour one out for my rights later#if I’m not sober later please don’t be surprised#scar’s tired#mad and really fucking tired
12 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
agere-activities
itty bitty classroom!
muhammad-rafaqat
Untitled
blackpyt808
Untitled
something-fanfiction-ie
A Conglomeration Of Total Babes
