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#and have to be back in 5 hours to work 10 more
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What's your fanfic fantasy? part 1
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Chapter Contents.
Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6 // Part 7 // Part 8 // Part 9 // Part 10 // Part 11 // Part 12 // Part 13 // Part 14 //
Pairing: fem reader + Chan + Jisung
This is an AU story about Chan bringing your fantasies to life... but what happens when boyfriends Chan and Han fall in love with you?
Chapter Summary: You're enjoying a drink with Chan until he starts asking about the smut you read.
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Warnings: This first installment has no sex (but the next is fully sex including a threesome!) but talks about sexually explicit content, fantasies, references to sex and masturbation, explicit language, eventual threesome in next installment.
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You sit on the leather lounge really confused about how the conversation ended up here.
“So… “ Chan starts, “do you enjoy reading them?” he smirks as he asks this.
He is such a cheeky bastard.
He isn't talking about stories in the media, or news articles, or interviews. Nope. He is talking about erotic fan fiction. Smut. About him. About him and his rock band SKZ. And that you've been reading it.
You have known Chan for a long time. Years now. You'd met on a creative project. You're musicians, and have often worked creatively together on and off for a few years. You were so excited when Chan invited you to his holiday/work retreat to work on a new project with him and a few of the guys from the band for a couple of weeks.
You're staying in a beautiful holiday home, more like a mansion really, on the coast overlooking the ocean. It’s a sight to die for.
Chan loved to work. He worked all day. He worked well into the night. He worked all the time actually. A workaholic. You wonder if you would get to let your hair down, and just hang out, which usually ends up with you bantering and laughing together for hours.
You didn’t have to wonder for long. It's your first day here, and it hasn’t taken long before you've hit “banter territory”. In fact it has now moved beyond “banter territory” and into some unknown, and quite frankly scary, uncharted territory, and you don’t have a map for this particular terrain.
Even though nothing has ever happened between you and Chan, and likely never will, you often seem to end up flirting. Hinting at things in a fun, non serious way. But never taking it further (although your mind has drifted much further than you'd ever admit).
Chan’s a safe flirt. Which means he makes you feel safe enough to push the envelope without a sense of awkwardness or feeling a need to take action or follow through. You seem to just prick tease really.
It’s just fun and games right? Right? It was always… cheeky and lighthearted and absolutely never serious.
Until now.
You feel flustered and a little sweaty. You try to shift in your seat to get more comfortable and to ease the sense of your legs feeling like your circulation has been cut off, but the leather couch is sticking to your legs. You shouldn’t have worn a mini skirt. A uneasiness builds up inside of you.
You pick up your sparkling water from the leather upholstered chaise-slash-coffee table and take a big sip, biding your time before you answer.
You're sitting in one of the living areas that that has a big floor to ceiling window that takes advantage of the ocean view. It’s getting dark out there now.
Chan sits on a second leather coach to your right where he is waiting for you to speak. You bring your attention back to his question “do you enjoy reading them?”
You'd been talking about the fandom and some of the thirst tweets and naughty edits that are out there about his rock band SKZ, and somehow the conversation escalated into how you had read some of the fan made fiction about the group.
You wish you hadn’t even mentioned that you read smut. Why did you do that? You were only going to tease him about the situations, positions and activities that he and his band members have been involved in, fictitiously of course.
Unfortunately for you the teasing hasn’t had the desired effect, and the tables have been turned on you. Instead of making him go red, or teasing him about it, and having a giggle - in the safe zone of “banter territory” - you were the one blushing while his expression had turned dark and devious.
You look him in the eyes to see if you can read his thoughts.
He is still waiting for your answer.
He is still smirking at you. Fuck. This is so awkward.
“Well …?” he raises an eyebow. “do you enjoy reading them?” he repeats himself. You actually have to answer him then? What the fuck do you say?
You're not quite sure whether to give a lighthearted response and shift the conversation to something more… vanilla, or match him with the dark, sinister vibe. Or, you could just be honest and nonchalant, and act like it’s no big deal. Yeah you might go with that. You're an adult after all.
“Well, yeah I do actually.” you say matter-of-factly, completely disregarding the dark look in his eyes. You think you've come off calm and unaffected by his energy, but on the inside you're burning up with embarrassment, or is it shame? Or something else?
You want to hide. You realise you're holding your breath and you do your best to exhale gently and calmly.
Chan puts his drink down, a simple coke, on the coffee table-chaise and sits back on the leather couch. His skinny ripped jeans are so very tight and his legs are parted a little bit too wide for polite chit chat. How fucking rude! He’s playing games with you.
It surprises you when you a feel dull ache in your core. You want to be pissed off at his confidence, not turned on. Why does this dark energy seem so alluring? This isn’t the Chan you're used to, and you have a feeling this situation is going to become less polite by the minute. You're not sure how it’s going to pan out, but you're terrified. Or are you? You can’t quite tell if this is terror or anticipation, or - arousal?
He brings a hand to his chin as though deep in thought, rubbing his fingers against his lips, and not taking his eyes off you for even a second. Then he nods his head as if he has just made a decision with himself. Is he is having as much inner dialogue as you are right now?
“Tell me more?” He coaxes, his voice is low and deep.
Tell him more? Shit. What are you supposed to say? That you lay in bed reading about how he and his best friends suck each other off and rail each other in the ass? And then you touch yourself over it as you imagine you're there actually watching it? Or that you imagine each of them inside of you while the others watch?
Is that what he wants to hear?
You cross your legs hoping the tension will go away, but all it does is intensify the feeling.
No, absolutely not. This is too far. You can’t tell him more. You won’t tell him. It’d be too… vulnerable. Intimate. You shake your head.
“No,” you start. “I don’t think we should keep talking about this.” You sigh and look at him pleadingly. But the look in his eyes tell you he isn’t going to let this slide. And part of you doesn’t want him to either. If you're honest, you're scared, embarrassed and want to run and hide, but part of you does want to tell him, to confess to him, see his reaction. What would he say? What would he do? You wanted to know. You needed to know.
Despite your resolve to say nothing, you open your mouth ready to blurt it all out anyway.
“You’re right.” Chan cuts you off, and some of that darkness shifts from his eyes. He grins his cheeky fucking grin at you and you feel that sense of kindness and friendliness he has return just a little bit.
But..
Your heart sinks. Why do you feel disappointed?
“It’s none of my business what you enjoy reading”. He chuckles filling his glass up with more coke. “I didn’t mean to make you feel awkward. We can change the subject.” Chan leans forward to peer closer to you, the room has gotten so dark and only a few lamp lights are illuminating the room in a soft glow.
“I’m sorry.” he says with pleading eyes. “I was just curious, you know?” He leans back again. “This is kind of an area that I don’t know anything about you in”.
“Chan,” you exasperate, “It’s normal for people to not know other people’s fantasies!”
You clasp your hand over your mouth. You've said too much.
“Fantasies? No one mentioned fantasies.” He’s caught you out. Chan’s devious eyes are back but it’s coupled with a devious grin too. Doubly dangerous. “Hmm..” he pretends to ponder “so let me get this straight. You read the dirty fiction and then fantasize about it happening to you? Or,” he takes a sip of his drink. “you make up your own little scenarios of my boys filling you up and fucking you senseless?”
“Chan!” You're shocked at how accurate his accusation actually is. And equally shocked how your body is responding. You're thankful it’s dark because you're pretty sure your nipples are rock hard. You're also thankful he is hasn’t outrightly asked if you fantasize about him.
So much for changing the subject.
“Do you?” he knows he almost has you admitting everything to him.
You tip your head back and let out a sigh.
“Fine. I’ll tell you more. Then you can fucking stop being so pushy and move on.”
Chan claps his hands together excitedly. “Right then”, he says and excitedly shuffles over a little closer to you. You feel like you should get him some god damned popcorn.
“You’re right. I read the stories, I touch myself, and I imagine my own scenarios.” You flail your hand around in some weird gesture and try to keep the explanation as minimal as possible, surely he doesn’t need to know actual details.
Chan waits for you to elaborate. Apparently he does need to know more details.
You roll your eyes. “And yes, I imagine them filling me up and fucking me senseless." you finish.
He looks satisfied that you've admitted it, and proud too, like his boys had actually had sex with you and that it was somehow thanks to him. “Except..” you start. What are you doing?
Chan looks at you curiously. “Except? Except what?”
You hesitate but decide to continue. “Except, even though he is so fucking hot and he’s the best drummer I’ve seen, and so very sexy, and his lips are just delicious, no matter how hard I try, and even though I want to so badly, I can’t seem to envision Jisung inside of me!” you confess.
Oh my god, what did you just say?
You look to Chan to see what his reaction is. He looks amused but mildly distracted. His gaze keeps shifting over your shoulder ever so slightly even though his attention and words are directed at you.
“So what you are saying is,” he focuses his eyes back on you. “that you can’t picture Jisung fucking you?” He smirks and leans back against the back of the couch resuming the confident lazy posture he had earlier.
You swear he’s hard, his pants seem a little too tight and you can see a bulge protruding, fighting against his pants. But it’s too dark to really tell, and perhaps your imagination is getting the better of you. You wonder what it would feel like to straddle his lap and grind against him, to make him harder and to relieve this tension building up in your body.
“Do you want to?” Chan jolts you back to reality, his attention is one hundred percent back on you, but something feels off.
“Huh?” You stare blankly, taking your eyes off the bulge in his pants.
“Do you want to be able to imagine Jisung fucking you?” he repeats casually, but dead serious.
Do you want to imagine Jisung fucking you? You consider what might be the thing getting in the way of you being able to picture it. Is it that he seems so young and fun that you can’t see him taking charge and being aggressive, and maybe that’s what you're into? You can’t really put your finger on it. All you know is you do want to imagine Jisung inside of you, fucking you. Well yeah, of course. Who wouldn’t? How was admitting it to Chan going to help?
“Yes,” you declare anyway. Really! What are you doing?  “and it’s so fucking annoying.” you add. Your throat is so dry, but elsewhere you're beginning to feel a little wet.
Amusement washes over Chan’s face and his eyes dart over your shoulder again.
You swallow hard even though your throat feels like a hard lump, but before you can do or say anything, Chan leans in close to your ear. His breath is hot against your neck and cheek. Fuck he’s close. Fuck he smells good.
You hold your breath waiting for Chan to speak. He lingers for what feels like forever.
“Jisung thinks that’s so fucking annoying too.” It was barely a whisper. He pulls away from your ear and gestures behind you. “Don’t you, Jisung?”
Your heart suddenly pounds so hard you think it’s going to fling out of your chest. Your jaw drops and dread begins to take over you. You feel hot and dizzy. You snap your head in the direction of Chan’s gaze only to be met with Jisung standing in the doorway. The dread intensifies and you're filled with shame. You want to hide.
Fuck.
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@rylea08 @channieandhisgoonsquad @noellllslut @itsseohannbin @weareapackofstrays @kangnina @3rachasdomesticbanana @palindrome969 @xxkissesforchanniexx @chuuchuu1224 @fun-fanfics @wolfennracha @rhonnie23 @jisunglyricist @strayywayy @rixenluv
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Do your sims yearn for the dark embrace of the mines? Obsess over shiny stones, have a collection of hard hats? Why not give the Mining career a go, where they can dig up all the dirt and rocks they desire! This is the last in the batch of requests from Catrillion
This job is available for YA - Elder, and you can join via the Science Lab. No opportunities, uniforms, or books. Please note you will need Ambitions installed as you need the hidden Collecting and Consignment skills.
Three skill tones are available at work, with no boss or coworkers:
Swing Pickaxe (Athletics) Gather Resources (Collecting) Sell Findings (Consignment)
Please note Collecting and Consignment are both hidden skills, which you can track through MasterController. Athletics and Collecting appear at Level 2, but Consignment won't appear until level five. The carpool will also not show up until level 5. This career only goes up to level 8.
Levels under the readmore:
Pet Rock Collector - 10 simoleans p/h, 12:00 - 16:00, M-F Description - You’re down to eating wildflower salads and artistically stacking rocks you find in the park because you can’t afford decor. Times are tough and the grocery store isn’t hiring – what to do? Luckily the old mines have just opened up again and they’ll accept anyone without claustrophobia and enjoys hitting rocks. It’s better than the unemployment office, so get applying! Human Canary - 12 simoleans p/h, 06:00 - 14:00, M-F Description - Nothing quite says “expendable,” like being told to monitor the gas levels lest they get too high. You’ve been given a box with a scary looking radar and a blinking light and told when the box starts beeping, sound the alarm and tell your fellow miners to get out. If you don’t die from carbon monoxide poisoning, there actually might be a career in this! Cart Pusher - 15 simoleans p/h, 06:00 - 14:00, M-F Description - Another unfortunate soul gets to be the canary now you’ve moved on to bigger and better things. Granted, it’s only wheeling carts of coal and mined ore along the tracks so they can be sent to the surface, but you’re getting your step count in and there’s less danger of suffocating. Do a good job and you might actually get to sit down next time you’re promoted! Rock Inspector - 20 simoleans p/h, 14:00 - 22:00, M-F Description - A chair… a coffee machine… central heating… after too long working underground, this is bliss. You’re tasked with sorting the rocks into anything that might be remotely valuable, sorting your pebbles from your coal, your diamonds from your quartz. You’ll need a keen eye to tell them apart and plenty of patience, so stock up on podcasts and polish your magnifying glass. Consignment Carrier - 25 simoleans p/h, 09:00 - 17:00, M-F Description - Finally, out into the fresh air! Your bosses have deemed you trustworthy enough to take the gems and coal to the local consignment store and barter the best prices for them. Strong arms are a must, as well as the gift of the gab – because if you get short changed, it’ll be coming out your pocket. Money Seeking Miner - 50 simoleans p/h, 06:00 - 14:00, M-F Description - Fresh air is great and all, but there’s gold in them hills and you’ve got bills to pay. Since there’s been talk of mysterious yellow eyes in the mine, workers have quit en masse and management are offering big incentives to get back down in the pit. Plus they’ve promised that if you find anything fun, you get to keep it! Gem Seeker - 75 simoleans p/h, 06:00 - 14:00, M-F Description - The mines are lovely, dark, and deep, and you’ve spent so many hours down here, you’re forgetting what sunlight looks like. You’re in the more lucrative veins now, digging out gold and rubies as big as your hand, but you’ve heard of the legendary pink diamond and are determined to find it. Who knows, maybe that’s your ticket out of here? Mine Owner - 250 simoleans p/h, 10:00 - 16:00, M-F Description - You’ve found it, the pink diamond in the rough! After swiftly selling it for millions of simoleans, you’re making enough to take over the mine itself and take over operations! What will you look for? Rainbow gems? Shang Simlan artefacts? Perhaps pull up as many space rocks as you can to try and entice the aliens? On the flip side, maybe you should get back into painting pet rocks with all your free time…
Translations: I've included the English Strings in the file; if anyone is talented enough to translate, I would be incredibly grateful, so please let me know in the comments!
With thanks: To MissyHissy's career building tutorial!
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anamoon63 · 1 day
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Hi guys, I am writing this in case anyone wonders why I have been kind of MIA lately. No, I haven't forgotten you, but I have had a difficult week, more than a difficult week, I have been through a real ordeal. Where or how it started it's a long story which I don't have the time or the energy to tell, so I'll just share a brief chronology of what happened during this past week.
Friday May 3 - I turned in my finished work and set out to do my sims posts, play and rest for the weekend since more work would be coming my way on Monday.
Saturday May 4 - My husband came down with the flu, I spent most of the day with him in the emergency room.
Sunday May 5 - I spent it taking care of my husband, who fortunately no longer had a fever. I barely slept two hours at night giving care and medication.
Monday 6 May - My birthday, we couldn't go out for dinner as usual, so we celebrated at home.
Tuesday, May 7 - My son comes down with the flu, too, another afternoon in the ER and sleepless night caring for him and bringing down his fever.
Wednesday, May 8 - My son starts to feel better, and begins to recover very quickly. I start working on the following translations, at the same time I take care of both my husband and my sick son, do food, laundry, order home medicines, and all kinds of small chores, including disinfecting things. It's like going back to 2020.
Thursday, May 9 - My husband no longer has a fever but does have a cough that won't go away and minor problems with his asthma.
Friday, May 10 - Mother's Day, my son was feeling fine, my husband still had a cough, and had a doctor's appointment at noon, when he returned, we celebrated at home just like on my birthday, I spent the rest of the day working, and juggling a thousand other things. In the evening my daughter started to feel sick, but still no fever.
Saturday, May 11 (yesterday) - My daughter woke up with a fever, another visit to the ER. She was prescribed flu medicine, painkillers and rest, and sent home.
And that's my odyssey so far. On top of it all, from Wednesday through Saturday we were in the middle of a heat wave with temperatures of 37ºC with real feel of up to 45ºC; at night we get a "cooler" temperature of 29ºC. So imagine a person with a fever of 38 ºC and with this heat, obviously it's not of much help.
Surprisingly, I haven't gotten sick so far, but I'm not claiming victory. I have been taking care of my family for a week, sleeping two or three hours a night, getting up at different times to check on them, or give them medicine. I don't have time for getting sick! Lol. Thankfully, everyone is better and last night for the first time in a week I was able to sleep straight through. Honestly, I don't need many hours of sleep, but I am routinely and usually I am in bed a 11 pm and up at 8 am every day, so all this did upset my sleep cycle a little bit.
Anyway, that is the reason why I wasn't here much, since the whole day I was too busy, and at night I was so tired all I wanted was to go to bed. I apologize if I've fallen behind on your updates, I'm not ignoring you in any way, I just didn't have the strength or the time, not even to play The Sims. If I did, it was just a little free play to distract myself.
Last week I told you that I was juggling a lot of things, well now I have even more things, lol, at times I feel really exhausted, and even a little cranky from lack of sleep, the first few days my feet and legs hurt so much from going back and forth, but I'm fine, healthy, and in good spirits. Today I believe, as never before, that the universe does not send you more than you can handle.
At this point my family is already in recovery, if I don't get sick too, it's likely by I'll be able to get back to my simming routine. Now, if I do get sick, I hope to recover as quickly as the others. Whatever happens, I'll be around. Know that, even if I don't comment, I read you, and I am with you, especially with those who are going through difficult times of any kind.
Ok, I said to myself this was going to be a short post, but I made a wall of text instead (for a change). My apologies if it's written in a sloppy or confusing way, I just wanted to write it quickly to let you know where I have been and what has been going on with me these days. I hope you are all well, please take care of yourselves, health is a treasure that can be lost at any moment, the flu is a nasty disease, we must never let our guard down and forget to take the necessary measures to prevent it.
Last, but not least, I want to thank all of you who have mentioned me, tagged me, sent me asks and/or stars to my inbox, commented and/or liked what few posts I could do these days, I appreciate it very much and I'll try to reply to you as soon as I can, though I've fallen so far behind that I don't know if I'll be able to find your mentions in my notifications. In any case, thank you very, very much to all of you for thinking about me in my absence. 💗 I'll see you soon, hopefully, with more sim adventures, stay tuned!
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martiandmichelle · 12 hours
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Ya comfortable cause this is a kinda long post. . .
Some of you long-time followers may remember that I used to do a fair amount of prostitution. I cut way back on it several years ago after one bad experience and the growing success of Studio M. I did keep a (very) few of my favorite johns that I might see once or twice a year. One is a guy near my age (73) who lives alone on an isolated ranch in Texas. In the 11 years I've known him he's always been a gentleman with a great sense of humor. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately!) he has minimal control of his average-sized cock and cums quickly though only a couple times a day. In between those few orgasms of his he spends his time with me groping, sucking, and staring at my tits.
Soooo, anyway, it was during my last visit with him this past late winter, and while his was admiring his handiwork with my boobs, that he asked me about other tricks I had going. I try to be as honest as I can with someone who pays so much interest and cash on me, so I told him he was only one of 5 guys and 1 woman that I prostitute for. He wanted to hear more so I told him what little I could - not wanting to give away any secrets of my other clients. He began rolling my nipples between his fingers and masturbating them as they grew, lowering my resistance and increasing my breathing. He said he thought it would be really hot if I prostituted myself more often. The winter/spring "conference" of the southeastern US chapter of my global studio was coming up and he thought I should go and advertise my services. By this point my nipples were squirting milk all over the place and my cunt was gushing so how could I say no?!?
So, I went. He guessed at what I could charge new clients and I thought he was crazy while still begging him not to stop what he was doing to me tits. (I never have charged him more than I did that 1st time with him.) I took his suggestion and got management's wholehearted approval to go and show off and offer my services for what I thought was a ridiculous price. I made a bet with him that, at that exorbitant price, I wouldn't get over 10 clients.
So I staked my space at the "show" and opened up for business. Advertising my all natural T cup tits (that's before I grew to a U cup) and learning the next largest natural bust was an M cup, I thought maybe I had underestimated my traffic. What I did underestimate was my underestimation! After only one hour of opening, the organizers had to move me to their largest empty booth because of so many guests visiting me. My midday, they had moved me to my own room and at 5:00 pm they moved me again to my own ballroom - and even THAT was crowded!! (The photo above was from the conference as I accepted a sealed offer from a member.)
I simply could not believe there was that many men (and women!) who wanted to - and were willing to pay so handsomely - for time with me and my body! There were guys going together to have, threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes, and more "-somes" with me. There was no way I could say anything but "yes!" and "Thank you!" to them all.
If you would like to read more, just message or inbox me, or even just comment on this post. I'm not starting this service until after my mountain trip so my first "working visit" is on October 3rd of this year. 2025 is going to be wonderfully busy!
(But don't fret, I'll still be posting here lots!)
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oriocookie · 2 months
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i am? 80% sure that u were lovejowoy so! u were on my list back when i did my asks and i just wanted to say that i hope things are going well for you!! and ily <3
!!! yes i was lovejowoy!! dang i haven’t thought about that user in a WHILE!! hi hearty hru??
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miodiodavinci · 1 month
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the burnout is real lads . . . . .
#which is to say that i came home and just stared at the wall for roughly 2 hours instead of completing my documents#it was at least validating to get to talk to one of my coworkers today#and hear that they're just as burnt out as i am#and usually have to sit in the parking lot for 4 to 5 minutes before they come in because they just don't want to be here that badly#and it feels hard to admit because this is typically thought of as a passion driven profession#and it's like#neither of us have lost the passion for it???#it's not that we hate our jobs#it's just that we both feel like. we're putting in increasingly more effort week by week but we're just.#no longer getting results.#i mentioned how i feel like my faith in my ability to do this kind of work has just plummeted to zero#not at all helped by my mentor constantly pushing me to go faster and faster but then getting mad when my presentations go poorly#because i went faster or reduced the amount of material or cut the Q and A section down 10 minutes#i just feel . . . . . tired . . . . . . . . . . .#i still need to write three planning documents for tonight#one of which needs to be Really Good because my direct supervisor will be looking at it#but my god#i just want to sleep for three days straight and then stare at a wall for another three#i'm so close to the end though . . . . .#just another 15 of these documents (including the three from tonight) and that about covers my internship#of course then there's also the seminar work and the group project and all the fancy official employment documents#and. the portfolio project (a man screams in agony)#but god . . . . . . . .#so close . . . . . . . .#so close . . . . . .#once i'm free from the portfolio it's back to zola work and THEN . . . . . . . . . .#i can finally have a substantial mental health break for the first time since last may ;;; _____ ;;;
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grimesucker · 2 months
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bittwitchy · 4 months
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those 40 gifs took 5 hours btw
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wastelandbabyblue · 6 months
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hating my past self so much for not getting her driver's license the second she turned 18
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yoohyeontual · 7 months
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My body went numb a little and I’m stressed, cause I hope everything is not coming back and I’m afraid to go to sleep (cause you know I’ll feel it more since I’m not distract and I will panic) but I have to wake up in 2 hours for Puppy’s pills so I have to so sleep now 😭
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nerdie-faerie · 7 months
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I have got to get worse at my job cus no way can keep letting them rely on me like this
#work tag#got on shift on Sunday and my manager pulled me aside when i clocked in to say thank god youre here i need you on front theyre an absolute#mess over there theyve got orders waiting nearly twenty minutes i need you to figure out whats going on and whip them into shape i know you#can just get all those order out right away just put them where you want them so you can clear that screen. and i did sort it in under 5#despite there having been 3 people on front before i got there which is more than enough people to deal with just 6 orders and yet#and today several people called in sick and one of my managers asked if i wanted some extra hours i said depends when she was like just#until ten tonight which is only an extra hour later than i finish but ive already expressed im not comfortable finishing at 9 for only a#8 hour shift cus its an hour walk back and thats far to go by myself in the dark but i agreed anyway one of my other managers then asked if#i was okay to get home if i stayed that late cus obviously there must be a reason i dont usually stay that late i was like im only walking#so it doesnt really matter but it is gonna be late to be walking back but its fine manager then comes back again and asks if i could stay#til 11 ive only done an 11 once before when they were understaffed again and she did the same but i was wary to agree to the 11 cus thats#reeeally late to be doing such a long walk by myself again other manager is like you dont have to agree to anything youre not comfortable#with then argued to the manager that ive got to walk home and i shouldnt stay however im thinking it over as i make my break and approach#the actual shift runner for this evening and suggest i stay until 12 instead cus thats when my work bestie is finishing and if we finish at#the same time i can then walk back with her instead of just doing the 10 and honestly i need the hours but i shouldnt be so relied on tbh
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thedreadvampy · 1 year
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aaaaaaaaaaa work is so overwhelming just now I feel like my brain may explode
#red said#i can't tell if i have too much to do or if I'm just being disorganised in doing it!!!!!!#but i was meant to have a full data report done by tomorrow and i haven't found more than 20 straight minutes this week to look at it#the new boss keeps ASKING ME THINGS and ASKING ME TO DO THINGS#and the fucking. readability argument filled up SO MUCH of Monday and Tuesday with both back and forth and silent seethe#i have to be in all her meetings and she's sending me a bazillion things for social media#and my colleague's off on leave so I'm picking up his social channels too except I'm NOT cause i don't know what to PUT on them#need to put together a new video ad by next Friday#need to do like 5 more blogs#and the staff newsletter! gotta get that out by lunchtime!!!! haven't started it!!!!!!!#3 meetings today. gotta do vo recording tomorrow. and both today and tomorrow are short days#cause i have therapy today and I'm taking kofi for a Birthday Treat tomorrow afternoon so i gotta knock off at 12:30#it's all very well to say work to live not live to work AND I DO but the expectations remain!!!!!!#and i feel like I'm failing and being lazy if i can't easily do everything that's asked of me. is my problem.#it's very important to have a manager who understands that their job with me isn't too drive me forwards#but to manage the amount of work that hours my desk because I WILL try to do all of it and i WILL usually manage#but it will absolutely fuck me long term#crying wailing i miss my manager 😭 10 months!!!! come back!!!!!!!#we don't always have the most idyllic work relationship but she knows me very well and i trust her to help not hinder with my stress levels#and also like if i tell her i am spiralling like this she would always help me prioritise#but i don't yet know or trust the mat cover well enough to talk to her about overwhelm. and i feel the need to establish myself first.#like I gotta prove that I'm hardworking and reliable and that when i say i can't cope i mean it and I'm not trying to dodge work#which. boy. working life as a disabled person sure does colour your thinking huh.#gotta first prove I'm EXCEPTIONALLY committed and hardworking and Good At Job BEFORE i can allow myself to struggle
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orcelito · 1 year
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genuinely tho me jumping right into reading volume 9 of trimax and then volume 10 (and then most of the rest of the manga) on the night before i had a presentation at 9:30 am (that was entirely not prepared) was literally one of the most unhinged decisions ive ever made
this is what a hyperfixation does to a person
#speculation nation#like that experience was transcendent. i will NEVER be repeating it again but it sure was something#crying 5 times in a night chugging my monster perusing the wolfwood tag tearfully as i listen to the same sad song on repeat for an hour#struggling to get myself to work on the presentation but continuously going back to the manga bc it was SOOO GOOOD#me being like 'im gonna need a few days to process and heal' after reading volume 10 but then after an hour just. starting reading more.#gettign only 2 hours of sleep bc i was like 'ok i need to recover from crying Five Times and then i will focus entirely on this'#literally what is wrong with me lmfao. this sure was something.#this was literally just last week. i can hardly believe it.#this happened on tuesday/wednesday. i spent wednesday recovering. then on thursday i was like 'ok time to write'#there was hardly ANY wait time before i jumped into my next writing project#bc i had the idea after volume 10 but waited until i finished the manga to see where would be the best time to implement it#& that shit with the plants was the PERFECT time. i knew as soon as it happened that That was what i was gonna use.#wrote chapter 1 within a day (while working) then chapter 2 within a day (while working)#then chapter 3 within 2 days (while working AND doing family stuff)#guys i havent had a proper day off of work in over a week bc i covered on tuesday and came in on wednesday and covered on sunday#uhm. sunday before yesterday. i think my last day off was actually uh. the thursday before? a week and a half ago.#and im not getting a day off until thursday. two whole goddamned weeks. i am having a fucking time for sure.#and what do you know that coincides with The Time. oh i dont think it was even thursday. when the fuck was my last day off#uhmmm. oh haha it was that tuesday. aka the 18th. i havent had a goddamned day off since the 18th.#head in my hands. i am losing my fucking mind.#literally unhinged. and it makes sooo much sense now lmfao.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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#do i feel guilty abt spending like 4+hrs working on my CV during normal work hours today? yes#but also i spent 5 months getting paid part time when i was working 10+hr days 6 days a week#so i feel like it balances out#also i need to update my cv as things happen bc i instantly forget so many things i do#like i forgot i was named on at least 1 publication. like completely forgot until i searched my name on google scholar#also i have like 25 posters/presentations to my name. and only like maybe 5 of those are ones that r just in name#ive given a lot of talks/poster presentations lol#my cv is so long. i prob should have shortened it more before i sent it to the dude im talking with#but like. idk im gonna meet him next week so like if i commit a little faux pas by sending a too long cv im sure its fine. hes already#interested enough to chat. and therefore i have to bust my ass preparing to meet with him#bc hes from the most prestigious uni ive contacted. so like really theres no way ill get in. but i will shamelessly try#god. ive gotta really study hard. like i mean i dont have to but ive been so burnt out for so long that ive been slipping when it comes to#hardcore academic stuff. like my memory of genetics and chem stuff is slipping. and generally i find it difficult to wrangle my thoughts in#a way that makes sense. so i really wanna be prepared to talk to him#lol my boss is gonna get back from Europe like hey ur gonna follow me to las vegas? and im gonna be like haha fuck that i dont wanna live#there. i am currently 1 foot out the door. im at the bus stop waiting for someone to give me the money for the science bus#give me funding to study cool stuff!!!!#ugh and i still need to look for more ppl to ask. like i want at least 2 or 3 US options on top of my 3 potential UK options#and like im really considering contacting some ppl in Germany bc like all the papers i look at are german. the germans are doing cool#cyanobacteria bullshit. and im jealous and i dont speak german but hey ive got a year to learn#so idk maybe ill see if my boss talked to anyone cool while she was at her conferences. pls boss tell me abt the other cool cyanobacteria#ppl 🙏 but idk. i feel like ppl dont quite get what im interested in. bc its astrobiology but really its more evolution and understanding#the fundamentals of life. so like no i dont wanna go to mars. i wanna understand what freaky shit life was doing millons if years ago#ugh. im being a slacker. ive gotta shift into try hard mode.#but also i wanna draw and finish my fanfics 😭 we'll see what happens#unrelated#also thank u to the ppl who sent kind words on my post yesterday! im still shadowbanned so i cant reply to u 😭
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gibbearish · 2 years
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tells my boyfriend im overwhelmed lately bc ive had 0 alone time for almost a full month now bc we have a friend staying with us until we can get set up in the new house and he goes "oh yeah that sucks im sorry :(( but hey soon ill be working till 10 every night just like (roommate) so whenever we both work youll have most of the day to urself!" i go hide in the closet come out to make a drink and he sits in the kitchen and silently watches me make the drink the entire time
#i get youre trying to help but im going to fucking explode#oh boy a couple hours to myself several days from now thatll surely fix the breakdown im literally currently going through#and i have to go grocery shopping because roommate ate all the food while we were gone and cant afford to get more so i have to#do rhat tomorrow because theres Fuckinf Nothing in the house and im the only one who actually does the groceries right#have to get my tires rotated get my oil changed probably get new tires entirely#im mentally exploding from a -100 social battery and he sits there w#just STARING at me making my drink fuck off!!! literally the whole reason its overwhelmning me is because i NEED soace to Just Exist#without thinking about how im being perceived or how the way i exist effects others this is the opposite of helping i just want to#fucking rest#and theres so much more to do stil it never fucking stops not even for a second#just leave me ALONE stop touching me stop looking at me stop thinking about me stop BEING HERE ALL THE TIME#we just got back from an 8 day trip to canada where we literally spent 24/7 together only excluding bathroom breaks you dont need to#keep staring at me just ignore me for a little bit or just go AWAY#and he always chews with his mouth open and usually i can deal with it but especially now its like. even if were not directly interacting#i still have to just Be Aware Of You Near Me and i need a break#even the days ill have to myself later arent gonna do much because roommate doesn't wake up for work until like 3 but#i wake up around 10 and since its a studio i have to just Sit Quietly In The Dark for hours until they wake up until they finally leave#and then i get what maybe 5-6 hours alone? which like i do Need but its not fucking enough#thats good for a regular time when i have lther alone time as well not just my One Source#EVEN LITTLE THINGS earlier i started boiling water for a cup of soup and travis is like oh sweet grab me one tlo#and im not mad about getting him soup thats easy its just. that i cant do a thing for mtself without it becoming a group activity#and then he poured my water for me without asking which is nice but i like to put a certain amount of water so now mines too watery and#but i couldnt say no cause hed already done it and i cant get mad because thats a dumb thing to get mad about and im#already irritable so i dont want to make him feel bad at all but its just like. just leave me alone please#im trying so hard not to be resentful or let little things get to me but im just so. tired
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