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garrothromeave · 3 years

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the hell is mystreet season 6??

(warning, long post ahead)

ok so before i start this

1) ive never posted shiiiit on tumblr before so watch me suffer, im just here to talk about stuff that my friends who dont know anything about aphmau have to listen to me rant about for hours on end

2) i havent seen mystreet in like years (except season 3, i watch that frequently since im laurance and shadow knight deprived) so please bear with me because i might be completely wrong on this lol. it’s just like, pointing out things i remember

3) im sure someones already talked about this but who cares

4) im gonna do this stupid thing where i just explain myself a bit at first, if you dont want to read that just skip to the part where you see “the actual thingy:” in bold and italics

5) mild disclaimer; i am completely aware that jessica is not a professional writer. i know that she did her best to appeal to her fans, and honestly, respect for that. while this post will come off as aggressive and probably look like hate, that’s not my intention in the slightest. it’s just... intense criticism. im sure y’all probably already know that, but yeah, just stating that anyways. i do believe that jess is doing her best, and in no way do i want to dismiss any hard work she’s done. that being said; prepare for a very strongly opinionated post.

haha watch there be 10000+ typos in this making me look like a complete dumbass

ok here we go

one of the main reasons i stopped watching aphmau back in 2017 was the mess that was season 4. like, in the first few episodes of the emerald secret, i thought “woah!! this is kinda cool, im a sucker for mystery!” because of course i was, it was something new and something exciting. the only problem i had with it at the time was kim, but that’s just because i always found her annoying and out of place. i just didn’t understand why garroth dragged her along and honestly i still don’t to this day BUT, moving on.

anyways, as the season progressed, 13 year old me was of course just “:0!!” the entire time--that is, up until the reveal of the main villain. i remember watching the episode, seeing the reveal of ein, and then stopping. like, just for a quick break, but i was still just overwhelmingly disappointed. like, and this was the time when pdh was airing and ein just got made alpha (i think?) and i had really really liked eins character in pdh. either way, that really sucked and actually opened my eyes to a lot of things.

one of the main things bein’ the fact that this was supposed to be a slice of life kinda series that decided to take a turn to a more edgy kinda approach. which, i guess i regularly wouldnt mind? but seeing as mcd was kinda bein neglected at the time it just didnt sit right with me. BUT WHATEVER, point is i stopped watching mystreet all together at the end of season 4.

like, a whole year later my brother tells me that shit’s getting intense in season 5 + 6 of mystreet, and my brilliant self decided to give it a shot--but i refused to watch all of season 5, so i only stepped in when ein made an appearance. so whenever that was, that’s where i picked up because i didnt care enough to see

and y’know--i honestly didn’t hate it at first. in fact, i found it oddly cool. it wasn’t enough to get me into aphmau again, but it was enough to where i was intrigued. i dont know why, but i never watched the finale, so i didnt see the ending until just a few weeks ago--but back then, i thought it was neat. looking back on it however... im just so confused.

side note: only got back into aphmau this time around because of mcd. mainly because like, i adore the first season and the first half of the second season. and being nearly 18 now, im a lot more appreciative of plot and well-written characters n junk.

the actual thingy:

ok back on track. imma stop spilling out my story of how i got back into aphmau, and lets just skip to what rewatching mcd made me realize of season 6′s plot and shit:

-emmalyn. how the fuck does ghost even remotely exist? if she’s emmalyn as claimed, then why have we already seen emmalyn in the mystreet universe alive? look i get that creators can do whatever they want with their stories but at the same time please provide some sort of explanation good god. and maybe they did and i just havent seen it, so if there is one--let me know. but until that day imma just sit here confused as fuck

-ok so imma just be real, the whole ‘ultima’ thing is just... not great. in my opinion, anyways. like... i saw someone mention this in another post, but if this ultima stuff was like, a really big deal, why isnt it mentioned in mcd? though i suppose since its a curse of sorts, it could be later on past the time period in which mcd takes place--but even then, how did it manage to make its way into aaron’s family bloodline?

-WHY IS EVERYONE AT STARLIGHT ITS JUST SO CONVINIENT like what happened to this place being the most expensive shit on the planet or whatever, and how the gang happens to run into like, the werewolf trio and blaze and kai and guy and nate all of these people like god damn life doesnt WORK LIKE THAT

-im sorry but turning people into relics? thats... thats the best you could come up with? plus, like, how does that even work? in mcd it’s established that relics are separate entitles that choose their wielder, based on a ‘personal’ connection (being a descendent of a previous wielder) or if they’re a good match personality and (i think?) moral wise. so the whole turning-people-into-relics doesnt make much sense to be honest.

-irene really over here using her god powers to only keep her friends alive like god damn not a great god if you ask me

-can i talk about how incredibly predictable aphmaus death was? like i just kinda sat there waiting for it to happen and when it did i literally went “haha! wonder when she’ll be revived” because god forbid we actually kill off characters

-when aphmau + demon warlock fought in the irene dimension there was no passage of time whatsoever in the real world whiiiiiiiiich really bothers me because they fought in there for at least a few minutes

-speaking of aphmau and the demon warlocks fight does it bother anyone else that it had to be aaron who took over the fight?? like we get it hes the big protector blah blah blah but god damn it wouldve been cooler if aphmau had fought this battle as her. aaron fighting this battle was so underwhelming

-...love. like, thats the only thing thats needed to break out of a forever potion? love? LIKE YEAH, GOOD GUYS GOTTA WIN SOMEHOW, but its just so cliche and overdoneeee

-oh yeah and also when travis went bonkers and became the demon warlock or whatever, why’d he only take over katelyn and garroth?? like, zane had been influenced by the potions in the past as well? DONT GET ME WRONG--i do love some good brother edge, but uh, the demon warlock was just bein kinda a dumbass by not possessing zane too just sayin’

-can aaron please go to fucking jail for mass murder now like holy shit, he just got sent home on a fuckin boat. also why did blaze forgive him for killing him thats not even remotely realistic. then again, nothing in mystreet has ever been realistic when it comes to characters and motives and personalities, (cough katelyn being actually abusive and travis being an actual pervert) but yknow whatever

-katelyn and kawaii chan literally added nothing to the plot whatsoever. like lets be real, katelyn lost her personality the moment season 5 started and kawaii chan just kinda sits there :I

-ok im sorry this was bound to come up but cmon guys imagine laurances potential if he was in season 6 like god damn this is beyond maddening. AND YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY REALLY COOL PARRALLEL?? IF IT WAS LAURANCE WHO SNAPPED GARROTH OUT OF HIS MIND CONTROL THING, because it would mimic laurance’s speech to get garroth to snap out of his rage in season 1, episode 100 of minecraft diaries. like how fuckin rad would that have been? missed opportunity

-also?? why does kim/ghost know magicks?? like, if i remember correctly, emmalyn is a scholar--not someone who knew magicks. i mean, i guess research? study?? but its been established that knowing how magicks works =/= being able to use magicks. i dunno, just doesnt seem right i guess. maybe its explained, i wouldnt know (yes i know that makes me look like a dick leave me alone)

-melissa should have stayed dead. LIKE, NO, ITS NOT AS SIMPLE AS “haha it takes more than a few bullets to kill me”??? look ive got nothing wrong with melissa (cough lie cough) but yknow it would have just been cool a character... stay dead? for once? its just too fuckin cliche that shes alive god damn

-can i also just say the only good thing that came out of season 6 was travis’ dads sacrifice like damn that made me actually sad

-howww was lucinda turned into a relic. or yknow, anyone else? like im sure they explain it better in the actual show i just dont remember, but its just that easy? turning anyone into a relic? granted, a normal person wouldnt be able to produce a good relic, but idk man. IM JUST SAYING; that the only really powerful relics that aphmau should have been able to wield is the one that aaron + zane produced because shad relic and esmund relic moment. lucinda isnt even like, connected to a divine warrior. ALSO, another point, if its seriously that powerful of a relic getting one from just a magic user like lucinda, why go through the trouble? i mean i guess ofc youd want the “all powerful” one that the ultima produces but i mean damn whats the point

-ok this is just going to bother me but in one of the episodes (i think might have been in season 5 actually) where that like, guardian dude was chasing aphmau and zane and at one point they split up and the dude just chuckles at zane diverting paths and goes under his breath “youre not the important one here”, suggesting that aphmau somehow is? first of all, id argue that any ro’meave is significantly more important than aphmau was, especially not knowing much about her other than that shes with aaron. i might be missing some bits an pieces, but if i was that dude id forget about aphmau and go after zane

-killing off derek for shock factor sucked, and i know the moment was supposed to be really sad because like “oh :( aarons dad is sacrificing himself for his son” but lets be real dereks still was a shitty father and i dont think his reasons for doing what he did was very good at all

-less about plot or more like: why the absolute fuck did the gang bring kim along instead of, oh i dont know, a life-long friend? like, laurance or dante maybe?? im sure its explained, i never saw aphmaus year or most of season 5, but god DAMN id hate to be apart of this friend group AND GOD LIKE, imagine reconnecting with an old friend who ends up getting closer to your best friends and taking priority in their lives over you (cough laurance) like god damn lol

-im just going to preface this one with: i dont remember everything that’s happened, so if im wrong i apologize in advance--but (you actually can correct me if im wrong and please do) didnt like, irene reincarnate her friends in order to give them better lives? I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS TRUE, ITS JUST WHAT I REMEMBER--however, if im correct, then:

a. why the hell would she bring back someone like zane, or gene, or ivy, etc.

b. why the hell do they all have the same exact names? first and last? again, im aware that the whole mystreet+mcd tie wasn’t originally supposed to be there, but i dont think that means such a coincidence can be excused? its just a bit much if you ask me.

c. why the hell is the fact that (as much as i literally hate this) aaron is a decedent of shad being ignored? like, you’d think that something like this would be something thats actually important, or something the demon warlock couldve taken advantage of. or are we completely erasing every other connections to divine warriors besides aphmau + irene? because even if irene did reincarnate them or do whatever it is she did, does she even have the power to sever the connections between them and their ancestors? my guess is, no.

d. speaking of irene why on earth was aphmau able to talk to/see irene, they’re literally the same person are they not? did she like, fuckin reincarnate herself without actually doing it?? BUT--i will give it to them, the demon warlock did refer to aphmau as something along the lines of being “one of the 3 parts of her broken soul” or something like that. however, my point still remains. also what are the other two did i miss that or is it never explained

now; if irene in fact did not ‘reincarnate’ her friends then please ignore that little bit right there :)

but yes, those are a few of the problems i have with season 6 off the top of my head. i would go into like, season 4 and 5 more as well, but i honestly didnt feel like it. at some point i might go into other things, like how important laurance could have been to the plot of these later seasons, or HELL, even dante. i might also go into what could have made season 4, 5, and 6 actually good--maybe... a rewrite? perhaps? but im getting too far ahead of myself, so i just leave you with this for now.

and i know that as soon as i post this 15 more things are just going to pop into my head BUT im going to try and not edit this post because why stress myself with that even more

anyways thank you for coming to my tedtalk

#in conclusion i hate it here #lets go back to mystreet bein slice of life pls #anyways tune in next week for 'the hell is pdh??'#aphmau #mcd #mystreet #minecraft diaries #please ignore these next tags im just promoting relentlessly #garroth ro'meave #zane ro'meave #aaron lycan #kawaii chan #kim mystreet #laurance zvhal #pls i have no idea how to tag posts #rant

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pseudophan · 3 years

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catch me crying at hannibal season 2 finale. everythings suddenly made clear and its so fuckin heartbreaking

ok hannibal 2x13 spoilers here so if you’re one of the people currently watching and dont wanna be spoiled don’t click the read more cause i HAVE to rant about that goddamn fucking episode

first of all. hannibal smelling freddie on will and realising he’s been manipulating him this whole time is genuinely the most upsetting shit ive ever seen in my life. he really truly believed will was gonna run away with him, to quote mads he was “blinded by love” and his face when all of that falls apart is so. he barely reacts and yet he conveys SO much. and i HAAATEEEE ITTTT. and then will calling hannibal to warn him, deciding last minute that he can’t set him up but its too late and hannibal is so hurt and of course he’s not just gonna leave without being a dramatic bitch about it and then the fight scene with him and jack is obviously SO fucking good but then... jesus fucking christ. listen. listen. when i say That Scene in mizumono is my favourite scene of anything ever i mean it wholeheartedly, yet its also the worst thing ive ever seen in my entire life. ok so im assuming if you’re reading this you’ve either seen the show or you don’t care about spoilers so im just gonna put the video here so people can watch it and and relive the pain

youtube

THIS SHIT.....IS SO....... i sincerely do not know who i feel the most sorry for. ok well sorry for is obviously abigail cause its hard to pity those other two fucks but hell if i dont feel bad as fuck for them both.

their entire relationship is based on a mutual fascination by and understanding of each other. it starts out with hannibal immediately being intrigued by will because to him will graham is essentially the greatest christmas present in the world. the psychiatrist part of him sees the way his mind works and naturally wants to study it further, meanwhile the Dark And Twisted Cycle Path side of him sees...well the same thing really but with an added element of hm. this man’s entire Deal is empathising with serial killers and holy shit wait im one of those oh this is gonna be so fun. oh wait he....he truly understands these killers....haha would he be able to- lol no he wont be able to understand me surely- and then at the end of the first episode he sees will emptying his gun into garrett jacob hobbs and he sees the look on his face and oh there’s so much potential. and naturally he starts being a real dick about it all and completely betrays will’s trust in every way imaginable and will is so so hurt by it and so naturally by the time he betrays hannibal part of you as the viewer is like well yeah, obviously, of course that’s what he’s doing. fair is fair. but then at the same time...

and will has those same doubts, and he’s realising that for all the hurt hannibal has caused him he’s also helped will understand himself a whole lot better, and while he doesn’t have the complete lack of conscience hannibal does he’s not exactly adversed to killing either, if it’s the right person. and maybe... maybe running away with hannibal wouldn’t be so bad... yeah maybe he should just- but then he remembers abigail. and he can’t get over that just yet. i truly believe if hannibal hadn’t “killed” abigail will would have given in sooner. but even then, he ends up warning hannibal that he’s given him up and that the fbi are coming and he goes to his house and oh my god there’s abigail. and im just imagining... the range of emotions he felt... when he saw her.... betrayal and hurt again sure because hannibal lied to him once more, but also holy fuck there goes most of his apprehension for running away with him and oh my god what has he done. and then he turns to see hannibal and THEEE HURRRRTTTTT IN HIS FACEEE.

and then he stabs him and off he goes on his fucking speech and i think part of why it’s so effective is that up until then we only ever see slight glimpses of genuine emotion of any sort from hannibal and all of a sudden we get everything all at once and god it’s so much. for the first time in his life someone had the ability and want to truly understand him, something he’d long since given up on if he ever as much as tried (same goes for will, though he doesn’t have the added bonus of an extremely illegal hobby) and even more than that there is someone HE is that interested in? literally the only other person hannibal has genuinely loved up until that point was his sister and even then he was so young and suddenly here’s this guy who ticks just all the right boxes and for a second, just for a second, hannibal allowed himself to be seen and to believe he may have found genuine connection. and he had, technically, it just happened to be more brief than he would like

also hey, here to make it so much fucking worse: mads mikkelsen!

hey fuck you dude! what the fuck 😃

also this that tumblr user linpatootie wrote in their recap of the 2015 red dragon con

the idea of hannibal feeling Extra Betrayed because he realised will didn't even realise he loved him makes me want to FUCKING DIE

ok i gotta stop this none of this made any points forget i said anything i hate hannibal

#answered

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violasmirabiles · 3 years

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Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you want to know better.

i got tagged by @ruskatuska which i somehow forgot to mention first jesus christ why am i like this

1. Name/Nicknames: ali

2. Gender: who tf knows

3. Star Sign: aries

4. Height: 160cm

5. Time: gonna be 1pm in a bit

6. Birthday: march 26 so yall still have time to get me presents

7. Favourite Band: pink floyd and wigwam are my go to bands to put here but really there are So Many

8. Favourite Solo Artist: also So Many but bowie and kate bush are safe choices

9. Song Stuck in My Head: rufus wainwright - cigarettes and chocolate milk

10. Last Movie: it chapter two

11. Last Show: uhh. god i dont know.

12. When I Created This Blog: late 2011. like late november, early december. i know it was before i saw paul mccartney in helsinki and that was on dec 12 2011

13. What I Post: whatever fandom shit im into at any given time, bands/artists/music i like, whatever pretty and or interesting and or funny catches my eye. just posted a selfie, i do some of those. some text posts. i do use this blog to vent and i do have a shit brain so yeah

14. Last Thing I Googled: the model of my vacuum cleaner so i could find the right kind of filters i need for it lol

15. Other Blogs: @ihmekukkavesi for my photography, @shineondoc for university hell with some stephen king peppered in there. but it like. its relevant

16. Do I get asks?: sometimes. not super often. but like, i dont reblog those ask memes very often and the one good update this piece of shit website ever did is the chat system so thats good

17. Why I Chose My URL: i mean i wanted something related to my name (it is, trust me), coulda been another species but this one can also be a sneaky reference to a character from a thing im into so . yeah lol. also aesthetic. i mean it looks cool. pretty.

18. Following: a lot of people, many of whom arent active anymore but i keep following them anyway because what if they come back one day

19. Followers: a little under 2300

20. Average Hours of Sleep: eight-ish so thats good

21. Lucky Number: dont really have one of those but if a number is even OR divisible by 5 its a good number. i like 12 more than 10

22. Instruments: i have a 20-year-old shitty electric piano my dad gave me when he needed room for a newer, better electric piano. only in my current place i dont really have enough room for it even though i need it to practice choir stuff independently and just like having it because sometimes i just like to fuck around with it yknow? not calling myself good cos im not im super out of practice cos ive never been diligent abt that sorta thing but i can accompany myself and thats enough. so i keep it under my bed, not the best place, and practice on the fucking floor. cant even use pedals that way and that sucks ass. one day i will move to a bigger apartment and set it up again. i also have a baby blue ukulele with a picture of jack nicholson as jack torrance doing his heres johnny face taped on it. i got it in 2019 from my brother and his girlfriend as a christmas gift and was doing my ba thesis at the time, which i think a lot of the people who follow me know was about the shining. also also i can play guitar and bass but am not excellent at either because i never practice either of those and have neither in my apartment. and i never practice the ukulele either so even though i know a few chords i fucking suck. maybe someday.

23. What I Am Wearing: black leggings. black shirt. one black sock and one white one

24. Dream Job: i want to be able to write in some capacity and get paid for it but thats all i know and if i think too hard on it ill work myself up and wont be able to sleep so im gonna leave it at that

25. Dream Trip: right now i just want to be able to visit my True Home Town which is not this piece of this place where i live and study and also happened to be born in

26. Favourite Food: yeah. not olives

27. Nationality: finnish

28. Favourite Song: feel like this woulda been more appropriate with the other music/art questions but hey whatever. also how the fuck am i supposed to have a favorite song when so many different gems exist. go listen to the musical box by genesis though it fucks me up every time i dont care what it does to you

29. Last Book I Read: still working on white noise by don delillo im fuckin slow i didnt use to be this slow

30. Top 3 fictional universes I would love to live in: the one where i can fucking FUNCTION, the one where i can Fucking Function and am also some sort of professional™ writer™ , and uhh. yeah idk

im gonna tag @panwriter, @appelssiini, @stokoetopia, @slip-sliding-away and @kukkahattumursu but no pressure or anything no ones gotta do this if they dont feel like it

#got tagged

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mychemicalaromanticism · 3 years

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things ive already established r on this post

besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri

okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.

so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.

i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.

anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.

anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.

he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao

to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.

so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.

OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.

and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.

when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.

i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.

back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.

she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.

cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.

they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.

i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.

welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz

post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3

not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him

THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk

#cat talks #lore #ok2rb but what a mess this post is

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tylerwritez · 3 years

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Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪 like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

#JudeJournals

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confusedhalfofthetime · 4 years

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Like. Dh!master x fem reader super smutty and lay on the cheese!!! Ive been quarantined and i wanna kneelllll. (If this dont cross any boundaries lol. I literally just saw this)

Hey! Thanks for the ask. So this is literally the first time ever I write smut so forgive me if it’s not perfect. Also, english isn’t my first language so I apologize for mistakes of any nature.

I gotta say tho, I’m pretty satisfied of how it turned out. Hope you enjoy! ;)

Warnings: smut

The door of the TARDIS slammed shut and the Master rested his back against it. You raised your head from the book you were reading and your gaze met a nothing less than disheveled Master. His wide eyes, his jacket burned at the edge and his chest heaving up and down was proof that his latest plan hadn't gone as expected.

-I take it they didn't accept the peace offer? -

The Master sent you a not so friendly glance as he pushed himself off the door. He passed a nervous hand through his hair and started pushing bottons on the TARDIS counter.

-Everything is under controll- he said, his expression focused on the screen. -It's just gonna take some time-

You put the book down and studied his face. His forehead was covered in sweat and his teeth were nervously nibbling at his bottom lip. He looked hot and incredibly stressed.

-Is there something I can do? -

He hadn't exactly told you...well...anything about his plan, you hardly knew where you were.

-Raxacoricofallapatorius-

-Try saying that quickly five times-

The Master had looked at you with an annoyed expression.

-It's the planet we're going to next- he had said moving towards the console. -At least, I'm going-

-What do you mean you're going? What about me! - you had pouted.

The Master had smiled at your childish expression. -Love, this is important, I can't risk you ruining it-

-Now this is just rude-

The master hadn't given any sign of having heard your comment as he quickly pushed bottons and levers.

-And what is so important that you'd rather do it alone? -

-The Blathereen have something I'd like to own-

-Something? -

The Master had turned toward you with a slight smile, clear sign that you would know nothing more. You had huffed and rolled your eyes.

-Fine, don't tell me. I have plenty of things to do here anyway-

-I bet you do darling- he had said with a smirk.

And that was it. You weren't able to find out anything else and frankly, you didn't care. The master had a huge collection of alien artefacts in many rooms of the TARDIS. Sometimes he'd tell you stories about them, where he got them, how he got them. Most of the time it was through clever and violent means. His stories never ceased to amaze you. Maybe that "something" was just another one of those pieces to collect. In that case, he would tell you about how he got it either way.

-Damn it! - you heard him shout as he punched the consol. You were used to his outbursts, but you worried nonetheless. You got up from your seat and walked toward him.

He ran his hands through his hair once again.

-Are you okay? -

-Yes, yes fine- he replied coldly. -But I need to sort this out-

The Master walked out of the room and left you alone. He needed his time, you understood that. You just wished you could help, somehow. Not to mention, you were incredibly bored. You had spent the whole day just wandering around the TARDIS, in search of something to do. The Master had been gone for what felt like ages and now that he was finally here he was still busy with his latest adventure which you didn't know anything about. You picked up your book from the chair and looked at the cover. You could have just kept reading, you knew bothering the Master when he was in one of his moods was a really bad idea.

Then why were you walking confindently toward his study? Oh well.

As you arrived in front of the half closed door, you could hear the Master cursing under his breath. You knocked, getting his attention. The room was dark, if not for a single candle on the desk where he sat. He glanced at you over his shoulder and the orange light of the fire exposed his tired features.

-I'm busy- he muttered before turning his back at you once more.

You weren't discouraged by that. You reached his desk covered in papers with strange drawings and words in a language you didn't understand.

-I know- you said, your hands behind your back. -I just thought you maybe needed some company-

-You thought wrong-

He really wasn't going to make it easy for you, was he?

-I was just thinking...- you could practically feel him rolling his eyes.

-Y/N- he warned.

-Come on, Master. It's been a long day, you've been away a while- as you talked you put your hands on his shoulders, feeling how tense they were. -Why don't you just relax a bit, mh?-

-I don't expect you to understand such a delicate matter- he said arrogantly but he made no effort to push you away as your hands massaged his back and shoulders.

-Oh I don't pretend to understand- you said with a velvet voice. -I just want to make you feel better. If you'll let me-

The Master closed his eyes as you purred sweet words into his ear.

-You're distracting me- he said weakly.

-Mh you don't seem to mind- you said pushing your hands under his jacket and leaving a kiss below his ear. You could swear you felt him shudder.

-Let yourself go- you whispered leaving a few more kisses on his neck. The Master tilted his head to the side to give you better access and you smirked. -You know you want to-

At that, the Master opened his eyes and before you noticed, he had gotten up and flipped you around so your back was hitting the desk's edge. His angry lips were on yours, cutting your breath short but you didn't mind. Your hands flew to his hair, gripping it tightly.

-You want me to let go? - he asked as his hands held your waist possessively. You nodded, looking into his deep, dark, lustfull eyes.

-You asked for it- he said, his voice hoarse. He took a step back.

-Kneel for me love-

His hair was messy, his dark curls falling on his forehead, his lips red and parted as he tried to steady his breath.

You didn't need to be asked twice. Your knees hit the floor sofly and you looked up at him with dilated pupils.

-Now, will you be a darling? - he asked with a smirk.

Your hands reached to unzip his trousers and free his hard cock. He drew in a deep breath as you stroked it steadily before slowly wrapping your lips around it.

The Master closed his head and pushed his head back. It was such a sight to witness. You swirled your tongue around his tip and sucked hard, drowing a loud moan from him. He gripped a fistfull of your hair and tugged as you picked up a pace, bobbing your head to take as much of him as you could. His length hit the back of your throat and you moaned. The vibrations sent him a wave of pleasure and he gripped your hair tighter.

-Such a good girl- he praised and you closed your eyes. You could feel him getting closer and closer as his hips started to move frantically. You could feel your throat starting to burn up but you couldn't care less. The noises the Master was making were enough to make you forget the pain. You put your hand at the base of his cock to finally push him over the age and he groaned.

-Stop stop stop- he said urgently and you looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.

-Get up-

You quickly obliged and got to your feet. He caressed your cheek and you leaned into his touch. His finger traced your bottom lip, whiping some of his cum off it. You promptly put it into your mouth to lick it clean and the master parted his lips. His breath coming hot and heavy against your face, you held eye contact as he replaced his finger with his toung, pushing it deep into your mouth in a heated kiss.

-Bedroom- you muttered between kisses.

-No- he breathed without letting go of you. -I wanna fuck you right here, right now-

You moaned against his mouth and he pulled you up to sit on the desk. With a quick move of his hand he pushed everything off it and his precious papers ended up on the floor. You glanced briefly at them with a pleased smile before the Master pushed you gently on the desk. You looked up at him savouring the look of lust and adoration he directed you. He pushed your arms up to take your shirt off, suddenly gentle and careful. You helped him undress you, taking your bra off before unbottoning his shirt and pushing it off his shoulders. As soon as you were both naked he kissed you hard, your tongues dancing together. Soon, his lips left yours to leave a trail of kisses along your neck and down, on your stomach. You threw your head back feeling his mouth on your clit, hot waves of pleasure washing over you, making you blush.

-Master...god yes- you moaned and he moved his toung quicker, pushing a finger inside you. You gasped and gripped his hair with one hand and the edge of the desk with the other. You couldn't be sure you'd last long, considering the pace at which the Master was using his toung. As soon as he added another finger you felt like you could explode. -Oh god, go faster- you pleaded. The Master took his toung off you and smirked.

-Look at me- he asked as he curled his fingers inside you. You pushed your head further back.

-Y/N, look at me- this time it was an order. You did as you were told and met his big, beautiful eyes. His face got closer to your just a few inches away from kissing your needy lips.

-Do you want to come? -

What. A. Bastard.

You bit your bottom lip, not wanting to give in so easily.

-Oh you're being difficult. I see- he said. At that, he added another finger. You almost screamed in pleasure. -Answer- he whispered in your ear. His pace was getting slower by the second, making you groan in frustration. -Answer. Me-

-Yes! - you shouted. -Yes, I want to come-

-Ask nicely-

-You're such a...ah! -

He had placed his thumb on your clit, circling it gently.

-I did say you were asking for it- he replied smugly.

You finally fave in.

-Please- you begged. -Please, Master-

The Master drew in a deep breath and closed his eyes.

-It wasn't so hard, was it? - he said kissing your neck. Soon, his fingers had left your entrance and you moaned in disappointment but you were soon filled by his erection.

The sound he made when he entered you was your favourite sound. Maybe second only to the sound he made when he came.

He started with a moderate pace, growing more rapid by the minute. You clinged to him, keeping him close to your body as he kissed your breasts. You weren't going to last long and neither was he, you could tell.

-Say my name- he whispered against the skin of your neck.

-Master- you said.

-Again- his thrusts were becoming sloppier and his groans more desperate.

-Master- you said a little louder.

-One more time love-

You got closer to his ear, your hot lips touching it. -Master- you whispered. And that was it.

He came inside you with a loud groan, thrusting forward as he finished. The feeling of being filled by his hot cum was enough to push you over the edge and you came right after him.

You stayed like that for a while, you stroking his hair and him resting his forehead on your shoulder.

-Feelling better? - you asked aftere a few seconds of silence.

-Mh yes- he said leaving one last kiss on your neck before getting up. -Now get out. I need to work-

You rolled your eyes at him but got up and got your clothes back on.

At least you had helped him relax. You needed to interrupt his work more often.

#the doctor #the master #the master x reader #doctor who #13th doctor #sacha dhawan #dhawan!master x reader #dhawan!master #dhawan!master imagine #prompts #smut #dhawan!master smut #the master smut #master smut

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balenciagastones · 4 years

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the long run - for hannah

okay so quick preface before anyone’s confused, adri wrote this for me and ive just cried for about 20 minutes over it lmao, this is just what i needed today 🥺🥺 thank you so so so much, i love it 🥺😭 xx

If you would’ve told Eric 5 years ago that he’d be sat here with the girl of his dreams and their three beautiful kids on holiday in Greece he would’ve told you you were crazy, but now looking at Hannah with their twins sitting under the umbrella has him and his first baby made a sandcastle he wouldn’t wanna be any other place.

But let's start from the beginning.

Let's start on that rainy Tuesday morning, where it all began, where Eric was up bright and early for training, early enough to catch a quick coffee at his favorite shop before heading into Enfield. Walking in and having the barista take his order and waiting on his phone on the side for it to be ready. That’s when SHE walked in.

Rushing in from the rain, pulling off the hood of her jacket to reveal her beautiful long light brown hair that flowed down her back. Her bag holding books for uni that desperately needed studying, her ordering was what caught his attention making him look up from his phone and studying her as she ordered. He saw the big smile on her face as she politely greeted the barista and kindly ordered her drink before heading over in his direction, immediately giving him a smile which he returned. He thought she was just exceptionally beautiful, he could already feel the happiness she radiated off, just an amazing energy and he wanted to know more.

He turned his head towards her and sparked up a conversation catching her off guard making himself chuckle.

“Hi, I’m Eric.” He put his hand out.

“I’m Hannah, nice to meet you Eric.” she grabbed his hand and what felt like fireworks shot through his arm and made him smile wide, a smile which she returned almost twice as big.

A bit of small talk with coffee and a rushed exchange of numbers, he could tell this was gonna be the start of something beautiful.

After flirty texts, long phone calls, late facetime sessions and weekly dates that fit both their schedules you can say that they were each falling, and hard. Eric couldn’t keep the smile off his face when thinking about her, and everyone around him noticed. Dele telling him that he’s already whipped and all Eric could do in response was shrug, immediately going into a spell of stories about what him and Hannah talked about that morning while on the phone on his way to training. Normally Dele would roll his eyes and just make fun of him but he could see the glint in his best friend’s eyes that told him that even just after a few weeks this girl was the one. “Do you love her?” Deles question took Eric off guard and speechless. “I-i..” he took a pause immediately bringing her to mind, thinking of the cute little faces she makes during their facetimes, the way she talked that made his stomach flipped, her smile that could make even a big man like him go weak, her bubbly personality that he could hardly believe fit in her little body, and then it hit him. “I think i do,” it was the first time he actually admitted his feelings to himself this quickly. “I love her. “ “You love her.” Dele repeated, a smile coming to his face at his best friends realization. “I gotta tell her, I’m gonna call her to schedule a date night with her tonight, tell the gaffer ill be there in 5 minutes.” Dele nodded and chuckled as he saw Eric run off to call Hannah.

When Eric called her in the middle of when he was supposed to be training she got worried something had happened, she didn’t expect him to say “im picking you up at 8, we’re gonna go out to dinner, please say yes.” and she didn’t give it a second thought. So there she was dressed up looking herself in the mirror when Eric texted her that he was there to pick her up, and like always he was at the door waiting for her and greeted her with a kiss. She could tell something was up on the drive to the restaurant. He had one that had intertwined with hers like always but the hand on the steering wheel was tapping its fingers against it anxiously. She thought maybe he had a tough training session so she brought his hand to her lips placing a gentle kiss to his knuckles seemingly calming him as he looked over and smiled at her. When they reached the restaurant he opened the car door for her and was the perfect gentleman like always. Throughout the whole dinner he seemed a bit more calm, due to her presence, making him laugh and smile the whole night through. After they ordered dessert however she grabbed his hand and asked the question on her mind, “Soo what do i owe the pleasure of this quick planned dinner date?” she rose her eyebrows at him as she sipped her wine. He cleared his throat and chuckled a bit, “I just wanted to take my lovely girlfriend out for dinner..” her eyes screamed ‘spill it’ so he cleared his throat once again before asking for both her hands, which she put in his, “the real reason we came out was because this morning in training i realized something, I realized how amazing I feel when youre on my mind, I realized how calm and happy you make me constantly, and if i could shout it on a rooftop i would, Hannah, I love you.” He could see the tears in her eyes and he leaned over to wipe them from her eyes. “Dont cry pretty girl.” “Theyre happy tears I promise, I-i I love you too Eric.” If you think you’ve seen Eric’s biggest smile, youre wrong, his face beamed as he leaned over even more to plant a kiss on her lips right before the dessert came and then heading to his home where the two of them showed each other just how much they loved the other.

Fast forward a couple months in and he’d say he had never been more right about the day they met. It was the North London Derby and Hannah was in the stands, yes the stands, stood next to his younger brothers while wearing a big 15 with Dier on her back. Cheering for him at the top of her lungs whenever he even got a touch on the ball. The game ending in their favor 3-2 with Eric scoring the winner, and he had never seen such excitement in her eyes then when she told him the story of when City won the league, with her going out to celebrate it. She met him in the tunnel, and ran towards his arms before he can make it inside the changing room, he caught her in his big arms and spun her around before smashing his lips on hers quickly before putting her down. Him promising her he’d be quick so they can head home so she stood there with Emilia, the two of them becoming just as close as there partners were, waiting for both of their men to come out, Dele coming out first and letting her know Eric was just behind him. She bid them goodbye before turning back and there he was, her man. She couldn’t help herself she pulled his neck down for a longer kiss earning a whistle from Lamela and pat on the shoulder from Winksy as they headed out. Lamela shouting, “Dier is getting some tonightttt!” making you both chuckle as you broke from the kiss.

“Oh yes he is.” she whispered with a smirk on her lips making him peck her one more time whispering back, “god I love you” before scooping her in his arms and carrying her to the car for a very long night of celebration, if you know what i mean.

Fast forward 3 more months and their sat on his sofa for their weekly movie night. Bowl of popcorn in her lap as she was laid back on his chest, clad in his t-shirt that looked more like a dress on her due to his large size. The two of them were chatting here and there and he couldn’t help but notice how comfortable she was.

And no not just in his arms, but in general, she was here most nights, becoming accustomed to being in his arms during the night, both of them confessing to each other that they both got the best sleep when the other was next to them, she had an extra set of toiletries and entire makeup bag upstairs in his bathroom, articles of clothing that she would accidentally leave around that he would call to tell her she forgot and she would just tell him to keep it there so she would have some of her own clothes there even tho she much preferred wearing his all over the house and he wasn’t complaining. He also couldn’t stop thinking about how he loved the days she would have off from uni and just hang out at his place all day while he went to training, always coming home to her cooking or studying always wrapping his arms around her waist kissing her neck and mumbling “I could get used to this” making her giggle and turn her neck to plant a kiss on his lips. God how he wanted those days to be every day, he wanted her to come home from long school days so he can spoil her from head to toe and make her feel all relaxed when she was stressed. He wanted to wake up to her beautiful face every day for the rest of his life. And he was gonna make it happen.

He leaned down to press a kiss on her shoulder and her neck whispering “Pretty girl,” she hummed in response as she chewed on some popcorn, “move in with me.” She almost choked at his words and whipped her head back to look at him. “Are you being serious?” her eyes scanning his face for any sign that his question was a joke. “Deadly,” he cupped her face before continuing, “Hannah, I want to wake up to your gorgeous little face every morning and I wanna come home knowing you’ll be here or knowing you’ll walk through that front door right after me. If it’s too much too fast then it’s oka-” she cut him off with a kiss. Saying “you’re cute when you start going on tangents,” against his lips, “I’d love to move in with you.” A huge smile spread across his face as he kissed her one more time, so passionately it sent a shiver down her spine. The two so in love it radiated off them, he really was at his happiest in that moment.

After the move in it felt like everything was where it should be, month of the two of them as happy as can be, always there for each other through the rough training sessions, to the long study hours, the wins and losses, the bad and good marks, through every minor injury or every bad day, they were together through thick and thin.

Which didn’t change when Hannah was sick for 3 days straight. Eric sitting next to her holding her hair as she threw her guts up in the toilet, rubbing her back telling her it’ll pass soon. The two of them sitting on the bathroom floor, her in his lap feeling awful as he kissed her forehead trying to make her feel better, thats when she started crying. Tears hitting his shoulder making him pull her face to look up at him.

“Whats wrong beautiful?”

“What if its not a stomach bug E, what if… what if i could be pregnant?” she couldn’t look at his face, she buried her face in his neck again still spilling tears. He just soothed her and said “If that’s the case then we’ll get through it, together, I promise.” she looked up at him and saw the sincerity in his eyes and pulled him in for a kiss. “I love you E.” “I love you more pretty girl.”

And he kept his promise, being there when she took the test, when the timer rang anf the both of them looked at the positive test in front of them, the both of them crying knowing that Hannah was now carrying a little creation of their love, Eric immediately getting on his knees pulling up her shirt pressing a kiss to her tummy even though she wasn’t showing yet. Mumbling “me and your mummy already love you so much.”

He didn’t know how he could love her any more than he did, seeing her through every appointment, seeing the little bump form on her body just made her more beautiful if that was even possible, she was carrying his baby and he couldn’t contain his happiness, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and he couldn’t wait.

So 4 months later there were the both of them smiling for the endless photographs that their families were taken the day of he graduation, both families becoming so close from the moment they met, both moms planning the wedding that same night. “Do you think they have enough pics, my feet hurt.” she whispered making him laugh giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Probably not after this.” he whispered making her look at him confused, and then he got on one knee taking something out of his pocket making her gasp, her hand immediately going to her growing baby bump.

“Hannah, you are the love of my life, the only girl who can make me a big softie around the boys, the light in my life that i can’t get enough of, and youre the mother of our baby growing inside of you, I want nothing more than to spend the rest of out lives together… so what im asking is, will you marry me?” she flashed the big ring to her and she swore she was sobbing at this point only being able to nod as he flashed another big smile getting up and slipping the ring on her finger giving her a big passionate kiss. Pulling away to see their families taking loads of pics and videos of the amazing moment. “I love you so much.” she breathed out as he wiped the tears from her face. “And I love you so much more.”

“We’re getting married!” she exclaimed, making everyone laugh.

5 months later and they were sitting on the sofa watching the city game on the television, her still a bit grumpy she cant wear her jersey due to the big belly, she was already one week past her due date with their little girl and she couldn’t wait til the day came to pop her out, the doctor said it could happen any day but as Eric liked to say that their little girl wanted to stay in the little home Hannah created for her over the past months, “Well this little home’s rent is way past due and it time for her to be evicted.” she would grumble.

So there she sat in a little tank top and a pair of Eric’s joggers rolled up at the waist waiting for the second half to start, Eric getting up to get her some more crips and some water hearing her say to her belly, “if city win you have to come out today please.” making him chuckle as he walked back to her handing her the snack. He sat next to her resting his head on her shoulder and rubbing her belly like he always did, this little gesture had become one of her favorite things of his, always making her feel relaxed as well as it being able to calm the little baby when she would have a kick fest inside of Hannah. She smiled down at him and placed a kiss on his head.

The second half and there was city immediately gaining possession of the ball with Foden making a pass directly for KDB perfectly netting the ball making Hannah jump up and celebrate and thats when she felt it, a sharp pain and wet between her legs, “Ow fuck!” Eric immediately standing up asking if she was okay, looking down and seeing the stain on the joggers from her water breaking, “I knew our little girl would be a city fan, ah in your face.. Ow!” she laughed and winced at the same time

“Okay im grabbing the bags, start heading to the car.” she nodded as she waddled over to the fron door and opening it waiting at the car for eric. After he helped her in they rushed to the hospital, calling their families and Dele and Emilia on the way there, the responses being that they’ll be there. Getting there was a breeze though Hannah’s contractions were every 4 minutes. The doctor had her in the room as soon as they got there and said she was almost ready to push.

And 6 hours later Arden Primrose Dier came into the world and her parents couldn’t be more wrapped around her little finger. As Eric liked to say she was the spitting image of her mother with a dash of Dier hair, and he loved her endlessly. Everytime he held her little body, tears would well up in his eyes not believing he made this precious little one. His two girls becoming his world and he vowed to love and protect them always.

10 months later Eric was stood at the end of aisle with Dele next to him, his brothers amongst his groomsmen. Seeing his baby girl being carried by his sister in her little flower girl dress, cooing at her daddy as he made a face at her.

And then the music started, he took a deep breathe and then he saw her, linked arms with her grandad in her gorgeous white dress, no sleeves and a small deep V, flowery lace throughout the gown. He couldnt keep his emotions in, tearing up at the sight of the love of his life that was about to marry him and be his forever. Dele pat his shoulder smiling at him. Her grandad shaking his hand and kissing his granddaughter on her cheek so proud of her and the man she would call her husband. The whole ceremony was so beautiful, and then came the vows, leaving no dry eye in the whole venue.

Eric went first. “Hannah, I remember the day we met like it was yesterday, you running in from the rain and immediately catching my attention, the way you immediately lit up the room with a smile on your face, I knew i just had to get to know to you, and i know that after you left that day you already had my heart. You’ve been with me through every high and low, always being my number one supporter except of course on matches against city,” everyone laughed as Hannah winked, “but whether its a win or a loss you are always by my side picking me up when i need it, you are the love of my life, and will be to the very end, I can never thank you enough for all the things youve done for me, including bringing in our little Arden into the world, there is no one I would rather have random dance competitions in the car with, I love you Hannah.”

“Wow how am i supposed to follow that,” she chuckled getting ready for her turn, “Eric, wow where do I start, first off I love you and secondly thank you, thank you for being mine, thank you for being there after every rough day where all i want is to be in your arms telling me that everything was going to be okay, thank you for being just you, the perfect man, the one of my dreams, thank you for always listening even if I’m just complaining about something you don’t know about, thank you for giving me Arden, and for being the best daddy to our beautiful girl, thank you for being there through the long nights where you told me to go to sleep but I would stay up til I would knock out studying, thank you for always taking me to bed and making sure i slept the whole night, thank you for being there evry step during pregnancy i know i was a bit difficult,” they both chuckled, “thank you for letting me be me, I don’t know what i would do without you Eric Dier and ever since our first meeting I knew you were the one and I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us, I love you Eric.”

Everyone was just in awe of their love, wiping tears from their faces, the ceremony ending with him dipping her and kissing her more passionately than ever before.

The entire reception was a blast, Hannah changing into her silk white dress that Eric drooled over, whispering in her ear how much he already wanted to take it off her making her blush. They danced the night away, their first dance full of tears, Dele and Emilia’s speeches were each beautiful and Eric and Hannah wouldn’t want this night to be any other way.

As the night came to a close it was time for the bouquet toss, Hannah throwing it behind her and none other than Emilia caught it, making Eric and Winksy nudge Dele as he winked at his girlfriend. Hannah hugged her best friend before rejoining her now husband planting a kiss on his lips as they started to bid everyone goodnight. Wanting to savor their wedding night before they flew to Mykonos the next morning for their honeymoon. Giving one last kiss to Arden as she was staying with his parents while they were away they were ready

“Ready to go Mrs. Dier?” “Ready as i’ll ever be Mr. Dier.” he grabbed her hand as they made their way out of the reception venue.

Lets just say it was a very good night.

Their 10 day trip to Mykonos was so relaxing, staying at a private villa, days filled with love making and trips to the water, as well as nights filled with fancy dinners and more love making after wards. Coming home to their little girl with nice tans and a freshly wed glow to them.

2 months later and it was Arden’s first birthday, the two of you pulling out all the stops for your little one. The whole day going smoothly, and Arden was tuckered out by the end of the celebrations that evening. Hannah and Eric were too, laying next to each other on their shared bed as Hannah laid on her husband’s chest in silence, with him softly playing with her hair, all of a sudden she felt a churn in her stomach and the next thing she knew she was kneeling in front of the toilet with Eric holding her hair back.

“I’d say it was a bad reaction to some food but I was wrong last time.” they both chuckled as she rinsed her mouth out with mouth wash.

“Mr. Dier i think we made ourselves a honeymoon baby.” she laughed making him smile and pick her up and spinning her and giving her a kiss.

Little did they know at the first doctors ultrasound they’d find out some big news.

“Congrats you two, there are two healthy heart beats.”

“TWO?!” they both exclaimed making the doctor chuckle, “Yes, you’re carrying twins.”

“Guess we made two honeymoon babies.” Eric said making his wife slap his arm.

And 7 months later, she popped out two healthy fraternal twins, a boy, River Aspen Dier, and a girl, Eden Gravity Dier. River already the spitting image of his daddy and Eden looking like a perfect mix of the both of them.

Eric and Hannah’s hearts couldn’t be more full, Dele and Emilia bringing in Arden to meet her baby siblings and even at almost 2 she showed so much love towards them both.

Their lives were complete. Eric had everything he could have wished, with the girl of his dreams. They were in this for the long run and they were loving every minute of it.

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brilliantfantasticgeronimo · 4 years

Text

ive been struggling to be more open about my life over here... beyond the sporadic gifsets of things im watching i cant really say ive shared much. but like, i cant keep on avoiding the mortifying ordeal of being known forever (also so much is going through my head all the time and i dont got anyone irl to vent so i gotta do it somewhere, even if it’s 2 the void) so here’s some life updates:

ive got a bunch of unfinished art i owe ppl so that’s what i’ve been trying to get through this past month....

...without much success, usually i come home so tired from school + work i cant be bothered to draw. this is the main thing im working hard about fixing rn. i have doodled more and have done some studies (haven’t posted them tho because i don’t feel great about them ugh)

one thing i’ve decided to try to see if it helps is regular exercise (in the form of solo capoeira training and trail running) + biphasic sleep schedule. in theory both of these things will give me the energy needed to draw...

after / meanwhile tho, the fancomic project that ive been cooking for about a year-ish is still, at least, slowly progressing... i haven't posted anything about it (tho i have talked to some ppl about it privately ) but i might have to bc i know it’s only a matter of time before someone else does this idea, and i will be v pissed if that happens after i have spent so much creative energy on it lol

im currently on a research + outlining step of said project... these are the books i’m plowing through, to give you a little idea of the (ridiculously bitting-more-than-she-can-chew) scope of the story sklajdksad)

national/regional/international politics are exhausting and draining as always (more than usual?) and tbh im sort of... actively tuning out of them atm. im trying to focus on “the big picture” so that means less time and mental energy for keeping track of whatever new apocalyptic headline crops up on the news. literally all my time reading, reflecting and studying is going toward collapse(tm) related literature and focused more on deep global issues and it is quite a lot of stuff to study, reflect and read,

(am i using all that as an excuse to not deal w/ the immediate surrounding? that might be part of it, perhaps... this is the only workable solution i have found that doesn’t involve weekly emotional breakdowns tho)

on that note, ive been using the ashes ashes podcast as a guideline for those studies. it’s great stuff and i highly recommend. the guys in charge of it are really nice, and the scope+breath of their research is impeccable. i’ve been telling everyone i meet about it bc it really has been a game-changer of a resouerce.

have felt very depressed at times for various reasons. some new, some not so new... not much to say in that area. v loneliness. much sad. whatevs

university and work were kicking my ass a couple weeks ago, but im getting them under control now (...i think). im getting a kind of ~synergy going too where im using knowledge learned in one place and applying it somewhere else

(like im learning sketchup for design class, but im hoping to later use it for making assets for the graphic designs at work. and the visual + communications stuff i have had to research for work is helping with both uni and my personal projects...)

arrowverse rewatch however is kicking my ass. and im only rlly watching supergirl + flash + batwoman ! but god. it’s literally.... endless... episodes.... if i have to hear another character say “no more secrets!” again im gonna flip

my enthusiasm for crisis and stuff is making me soldier on tho. (as is my hyperfixation w/ supercorp that has even managed to lure a fellow nerd coworker into it lmao)

while on the topic of tv: i *am* keeping up with the last season of the good place... i haven’t felt the need to talk much about it tho bc i mostly just discuss it with one of my cousins (who is also watching ) and we got our own like little after-show routine where we discuss theories and stuff :)

im watching hdm when it repeats on hbo latam. it’s nice to watch on hd for once rather than crummy 120p streaming sites...

havent sat down to watch 7 worlds 1 planet fully yet but i did watch the first 10 minutes of ep 1: antarctic and predictably cried

#anyway thanks @anyone who reads this and my mutuals in general lol #u are all troppers #personal #edit: incomplete ideas and typos

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cleaduvalls · 5 years

Text

i watched all 20 episodes of spy kids: mission critical in about a week and here are my thoughts (3/5)

1.9

i havent watched this in like 2 days i dont even remember what happened last time

why is everything in the desert the desert sucks

alsjhiajgdf i love tom kenny

listen i know hes like a superandroid or whatever but i really hope he and therese fall in love

wait hold up. i thought they already had midterms???? like the did that before scorpion went to her fashion shoot. AND they were kupkakkes midterms. whats up with this school

no drinking in class???? rude. let them hydrate

that seems imbalanced

aHh

thats only like 10

also that book is dummy thicc

its ok ace my nose whistles too

shut up carmen youre just jealous because shes pretty

there are no seasons its a desert

ok dude stop breathing so hard

he JUST said that

anywhere between an hour and umm... 11 months

you put it on one page why are all the pages back

me but with physics

thats literally the best line in the whole series

juni how do you not know that you were at a safe H O U S E

theyve been gone for like 2 hours are they not allowed to study?????

what even is AWOL???

absent without leave. neat

talon gives off some big draco energy

tick tock???? how dare you

slkdhfa she called sir awesome honey shes such a mom

dont make it obvious

oh look they made it obvious

roll credits

i was in cleveland when i watched this episode - well actually i left that day - and i was s h o o k e t h

also hes right. no spy would be in cleveland. theres 3 buildings

oh me too

right bc shes the only “I.A.”

this isnt HARRY POTTER. or maybe it is. talon is a hardcore draco

oh right bc swearing is for Men™

update tumblr decided to break AGAIN (im boutta cry btw) so we lost about 5 minutes from the end of 1.9 and 7 from the beginning of 1.10

1.10

its a DOORBELL do they not have those in the outback steakhouse

lots of people. doofenshmirtz, other people who i cant think of right now, etc

???? no it wont????

did your troop leader not give you The Talk??? you NEVER go in the customers house

ace no. youre allowed to not buy treats

theres a triforce on her vest, too

shes just gonna go to another house yall. shell be f i n e

oh my God shes holding hands with mauly im gonna c r y

yeah its called saliva

nope only scorpion lives in a castle

stop bringing up spy sense and tell him you saw her glare at you

HES ALLOWED TO LIKE FOOD

how do you know that he doesnt have his phone if YOU dont know where it is and HE cant tell you

i love how she says "floor. ceiling. more thumb"

haha i found the birth of venus

oh and the creation of adam

hes like squidward, which would make sense bc goldies voiced by tom kenny who voices spongebob

"sebastian oliver" "shadow operative" S.O. nice

why do you have a trailblazers badge. youre 4. i didnt get one til i was a cadette

also sebastian???? isnt that the toymakers first name????? you cant have 2 sebastians

also why do you have braces. youre still 4

"SIR MEANIE FACE" IF SOMEONE SAID THAT TO ME ID BE D E V A S T A T E D

SCORPION LET HER CRY SHES F O U R

so really, spy sense DID help

oooooh, sentry duty, thats gotta hurt

WHAT THE H E C K YOURE F O U R

she looks like frickin plushtrap

aCE NO YOURW GONNA D I E

oh trust me they hurt me more than you know

dude theyre so thin youre f i n e

eh, still worked

clicking her teeth together so hard must H U R T

i think she can get out of there. also shes concussed now

why was that so quiet. why did it get louder

thats not a y shape

no, they spy kids

oh shiitake mushrooms thats what THEY said

whenever they say pinnoquinoxx i always think of pinnochio

ahdhhsjak i miss pizza parties 😔

well now we ALL expect it

also, no one????? pick a cooler code name. your regular name was cool and now youve ruined it

2.1

oh theres finally a skip intro option. im not taking it

stop saying that its weird

EWWWWWW CRUSTY THATS SO G R O S S

haha shes shopping w the goon. love that

oh yeah i didnt get to tell yall yet but i absolutely h a t e gablet

a lot of people, juni

listen i know a jt (but he doesnt go by jt) and uhhhhhhh were not gonna go there

why are you happy. what about second semester makes you so happy

boi thats a tardis

the design on his hoverboard looks like the aperture science logo

i paused to read the Floops label and it says "fried corn and sugar loop shaped breakfast substitute, net wt. 13 oz" ITS NOT EVEN A CEREAL ITS A BREAKFAST SUBSTITUTE IM C R Y I N G

listen i know hes technically scorpions dad but i dont think he can legally be in the dorm rooms

aww, thats sweet

i dont think gablet has an attached printer

gablet always sounds like shes mocking people

oh dear God its dolores umbridge

haha nerd

awesome no im gonna die

whenever carmen yells she sounds like link

ok so i didnt find a reason why she sounds like link but i DID find that theyre making a wherea waldo tv series so uhhhh thats fun

why does the cat have a bandaid

GABLET S T O P

OH!!!!!! ON THE WALL!!!!!!! ITS THE TUMBLR POST WITH THE FORK AND KNIFE ETIQUETTE PICTURE!!!!! YOU KNOW THE ONE!!!!!

oh no fart jokes

its even the basic fart sound effect

BAHAHAH MY PHONE VIBRATED AT THE SAME TIME HE FARTED THAT WAS WEIRD

oh no i hate him

stop SLURPING

uh yeah???? you heard them yelling about it

how??? does that work??? you cant just like catch electricity in a cup.... can you???? i havent studied it since 4th grade

oh worm??

goldies such a boomer

worm??

psi shouldnt be at the drawing board right now. he also shouldnt be confused

what happened to the lasers

wait nvm we havent gotten to that episode yet

ace is valid, dark is Scary

im gonna punch gablet in the face

that doesnt sound realistic

do you not have stairs??????

dont you mean inside AND out??

that flashlight did NOTHING

how did it die so fast?????

who else would you be talking to??

isnt that bowser from the mario movie we dont speak of??

i havent gotten a chance to tell yall but i absolutely love clemp. hes such a mood

hes the greatest spy

does it use a mini transmooker???? ig it doesnt bc gablet works but thatd be lit

SEE SHES IMMORTAL

me when i see something interesting

ME WHEN IM NOT ON MY PHONE

i dont think you can legally say that

you killed her

wow nice promo

also just???? bring a charger????? like youre the tech girl why do you not have one at all times

how?????? did you go so fast

machete electric bubbles??? nice

just task manager him

mother of all boards sounds like it could be a cuss...mother of all fuckers

also throwback to 1.7 when she says "his ai firewalled his motherboard" i keep expecting her to say "his ai firewalled this motherfucker"

yes i said keep ive watched that episode too many times to count

worm??

why did you giggle and make a flirty pose. are yall supposed to get together???

did you????? kill him????????? holy shit

2.2

thats what my dad does. he loves hospital corners

idc what it is you have a bazooka

ok if it was a spider id get it, australia has some deadly ones, but does it have deadly ants too???? like is that a Thing????

also ants in your room are gross

was that just a cameo??? i dont remember what happens in this one

haha because he said grapevines and wine has dregs and wine is made of grapes

for the boys??? thats so cute

listen idc how evil you are EVERYONE should cry over otters

so one of the parents has a sister or sister in law named roxanna..... hmmm.......

if you dont use your turn signal h*ck u

hes gonna D I E

i just looked at my shoe and i think theres blood on it???? what the h*ck

suspicious??? about.... what???? having fears???? not being perfect?????

juni that was awful wording

JUNI WHAT DID YOU D O TO HIM

like i know what he DID but the way it plays out makes it seem like something significant

i thought his name was heavy meddle not.... deth metal???? thats how the subtitles spell it

hahah me

he sounds like bling bling boy

yeah ik im a fool thanks for reminding me

what are you gonna do??? kill juni????

POOR WORD CHOICE JUNI

oh he gives exactly 0 h*cks

a shoe doesnt make that sound

crack bugs?????

see thats why you dont mess with things

im a god among boys??????? what????

did you... kill them????????????

thats any australian person

theyre so stupid i love them

good i hate her

i thought the gunk just like... disappeared from the guitar but actually it shot off

he died... 😔

uhh.... yeah????? was it not obvious?????

me when i have 5 dollars

#spy kids #spy kids spoilers #spy kids mission critical #carmen cortez #juni cortez

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swampgallows · 4 years

Text

like this shit is so long

Only once Jaina was back in her own rooms in Theramore, and her head had begun to cool off from the madness – indeed, wild hope, chilling fears, joy and a thousand other emotions spinning through her head, only one step from insanity – only then did she remember that she had forgot to ask one important question, and it froze the grin on her face.

Something so small but so important to the culture she grew up in – even stricter than normal for her, a woman of such a fine family line. Something so small, so ridiculous even, but not dismissible and it had haunted her only in its current form in peaceful times. There had been no time for it before, not when her life took plunges – I will be a mage, a scholar dedicated to study and magic to We may not be alive tomorrow and onwards through We are alive and building a new home.

She stared out of one of the window of her chambers, without really seeing anything. Unwittingly, one of her hands went to her stomach.

Only after the chaos she found herself the owner of her own throne, and with that, being a person who was expected to eventually produce an heir who could sit on that throne later on.

Before that, she had only been haunted by regret and bitterness, and the memory of sweet whispers, of fingertips and warmth that had turned colder than ice. Both of them young and foolish, knowing they were as good as betrothed – it would only be a few words away, the match was suitable even in a politician's eye – but duty called him, and magic her. And then he turned into the greatest evil to walk Azeroth, barring Archimonde and his ilk.

Bitterness and regret being mere personal torture, but with her current position the problem became a tangible… inconvenience to say the least. Before, she may have pushed it aside and felt that she would face it the day she had a suitable suitor.

And how long ago was it, young lady, that you could bear thinking of anyone but him touching you?

this shit is so fucking long and it doesn’t say anything new. there are three different paragraphs talking about “before” but it’s not for emphasis and it doesn’t provide any new information. if i were the editor, i would do this:

HAHAHA OH HOLY SHIT I GOT ON MY LAPTOP AND THIS WAS THE LAST THING ON MY CLIPBOARD HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

anyway my edit would be like

Only once Jaina was back in her own rooms in Theramore, and her head had begun to cool off from the madness – indeed, wild hope, chilling fears, joy and a thousand other emotions spinning through her head, only one step from insanity – only then did she remember that she had forgot[en] to ask one important question[.] and it froze [T]he grin on her face [froze].

She [blankly] stared out of one of the window of her chambers, without really seeing anything. Unwittingly, one of her hands went to her stomach.

Only after the chaos she found herself the owner of her own throne, and with that, being a person who was expected to eventually produce an heir who could sit on that throne later on.

Bitterness and regret being mere personal torture, but with her current position the problem became a tangible… inconvenience[,] to say the least. Before, she may have pushed it aside and felt that she would face it the day she had a suitable suitor.

And how long ago was it, young lady, that you could bear thinking of anyone but him touching you?

like so much of this is just not contributing anything. it’s a fic, we already know who these characters are, and there was already a previous chapter before this detailing jaina’s situation and hyjal and everything else. all of it is really implicit that she forgot to ask thrall if he wanted kids, it doesn’t need the like three paragraphs of Jaina is a Human Female and Expected to Have Children. this isnt an alien species being introduced to us like most couplings in azeroth bring up children as a factor.

i dunno like i know people write fic for fun but this shit is 100k and when there is this much unnecessary detail it’s hard to see the forest for the trees as it were, and it makes it a slog to get through. i also dont “speed read” because most of my reading has been academic where every single word counts, and part of me feels like it’s disrespectful to the author. like they put these words down to be read, and so i will read them, but that’s also the way i’ve been trained to read. also since i spent most of my schooling reading stuff like shakespeare or canterbury tales or les miserables you have to stop like every five syllables to look shit up or derive some kind of analysis unless it’s a modern adaptation that doesnt require any “translation” necessarily.

basically like. writing is fun but editing is important. more people will read your fic when it isn’t 30% filler. and ive complained about it before but like word count doesnt have any fucking bearing at all on the quality of writing. in fact, when i see ship fics that skyrocket to like 150k words in a handful of chapters im like dang bitch you cant write for shit!!! if you cant get across what you wanna say in that amount of words and youre STILL not done it means you gotta pare some shit down.

it’s why i prefer writing over talking EVERY time because i KNOW i ramble irl. and in a casual setting like this, a blog post, i of course will ramble here too. but in writing??? writing that people read? everything you write should convey something and drive your story forward. every sentence you type is communicating something. if you get through the whole paragraph and all you can extract from it is “jaina realizes motherhood is a possibility again”, it needs to say something more. i mean this is all just my opinion but like it’s so important to the tone of your writing.

i remember when i was reading the shining, and early on in the story jack is being instructed in the boiler room. and the attendant or janitor or whatever you’d call him goes on for a HUGE block of text of all the mechanisms and step-by-step explains each and every facet of the machinery, how to use it, what it’s for. there aren’t even indents in the paragraph. and then it mentions off-handedly how jack was giving quick responses like “yup”, “uh-huh”, shit like that. i mean it’s been a few years since i read it so im paraphrasing. but that part of the book stood out to me because it was so immersive. the way it was written and the way the information was being relayed was specifically to bore the reader, to put them in jack’s position, and also maybe intimidate them a little bit. and of course it was foreshadowing, too, when later in the story jack is struggling with the boiler, and i actually went and flipped back to the instructions earlier in the book to review what jack was supposed to do. and then i thought, “boy, i bet jack wished he was me right now, because i have everything all written down!”

but anyway, like. that’s good writing. that’s using the medium of text to its advantage to communicate on a meta-level how the audience should feel, and that we are all jack in that moment, being told a huge laundry list of shit we have to do—being paid to do, our sole responsibility on this job—and totally mentally checking out. i LOVE jaina, and i LOVE thrall, but the way this fic is written portrays them both as totally spaced out, completely unsympathetic characters. what i read above isn’t communicating jaina’s trauma to me; it sounds condescending, like she’s such an air-headed dim bulb that she forgot to ask her new husband if he wanted kids.

and the “proposal” was like... extremely awkward? i mean maybe that’s what the author is going for but thrall being basically like “uhh i guess? yeah i guess.” and then it says they talked for an hour but couldnt stay longer than that because they’re both leaders and couldn’t stay away too long. like... i feel like this is supposed to be a pretty important thing? marriage? it’s the setup for the whole fic and it’s played so... underwhelmingly. which i dont feel is intentional.

I KNOW it’s just a fic and i’m being very critical but it’s just like damn everybody bitches about blizzard’s “bad writing” but then nobody steps up to the plate. :\ i dunno how anybody spends so much time reading fanfiction when most of it is such a fucking chore to read. god i hope my story isnt like that.

#blathering

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maxhoemo · 5 years

Text

Chicago - 1923

It was a cold, crisp evening in February. The snow blew in the harsh wind, cutting the skin like a knife. Women struggled to trudge up the sidewalk, turning up the collars of their fur coats over their eyes.

Ian Carter, from the comfort of his automobile, laughed as he lit up a cigar. “Ya’ imagine walkin’ in this, Chet?” he asked one of his goons.

“Ech. No way...” The sleazy right-hand shook his head.

“Come on boss,” said his driver. “Don’t ya’ feel a little sorry for em’?”

“I aint got no sympathy for a dame in a mink coat. She can afford not to walk, she’s just too stupid. Or proud... I’ll tell ya’ who I feel sorry for... Them,” He pointed out the window. A handful of people stood at the corner. This particular corner was well known to a certain segment of society. “Hookers and Gunsels... Them’s the ones with no choice.”

“Ya’ got a big heart, boss.”

“I do. Don’t I?” Ian agreed, leaning back in his seat. “Speaking of my big heart, after dinner I’ve got a certain act of, uhh, charity... I wanna conduct over on 11th. If you know what I mean.”

------

“Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

“I’m sure you don’t....” Max answered, a little more snippy then he intended. He hated cleaning up after these drunks! But he knew he had to help with the family business... And earn money other ways... Prohibition had not been kind to his family. His grandfather’s Australian style pub had been a huge hit when he’d first come over, but the outlawing of alcohol had nearly sent them all to the poor house. Max had been wearing the same stained old work shirt for a year now. Maybe longer. And those thugs... Those thugs who sold his father hooch at jacked up prices and threatened him and skimmed his earnings...! Those dogs got to live the high life! It made Max’s blood boil! He didn’t even notice how rough he was suddenly scrubbing the table. Shaking his head, he threw the rag back into the bucket and went to get some clean water.

As he was filling his bucket, he heard a sudden commotion. He raced out from the back. It was those goons! Coming to threaten his father again. “Hey!” Max called. “Leave him alone!” He tried pulling his dad back, out of their grip but it was no use.

“Max, please, stay out of this...” His father begged.

“No! I’m not gonna let them hurt you again!”

“Ya’ think yer tough, daffy boy?” One goon asks. Max was about to make a smart remark when he found his face inches away from the end of a switchblade.

“Don’t!” His father cried.

Max was just frozen in place.

------

“Oh Man! That was some good corn!”

“Right here,” Ian instructed his driver. “I want this place for myself...” He adjusted his jacket before stepping inside. His chest puffed out and his men on either side of him. He didn’t expect to step into the middle of a commotion.

“Hey!” he shouted. His loud booming voice enough to intimidate the two goons.

“Shit...” One mumbled.

“Hey...” The other spoke up. “This place is Vinny’s territory.”

“Not anymore it aint. Now make tracks. Unless the two of you want a couple of Chicago overcoats, huh?”

“Vinny’ll hear about this...” One threatened as they left.

“Yeah. Tell him all about it...” Ian turned back to the owner. “You okay?”

The younger one, he just shook his head and looked down.

“What kid, no thank you?” Ian teased. But the boy turned around and walked away.

Max just wanted all of these types of people out of his life. Though he knew that was impossible as long as his family was on the wrong side of the law. He sat down at an empty table. Running his hands through his hair, he let out a deep exhale. He took a cigarette from his pocket and placed it between his lips. But as luck would have it, he was out of matches.

“Need a light?”

Max looked up. It was him. “Go away.”

Ian didn’t respond. As usual, Ian did what he pleased. Taking a seat beside Max he lit his cigarette for him with his lighter.

Max took a puff, raising an irritated eyebrow at the man. The smoke billowing around his delicate features.

“Look,” Ian said. “I just wanna talk to you.”

“Well, I don’t wanna talk to you.”

“Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

Max’s face fell. “No,” he hissed in a stern voice.

“Sure I do,” Ian went on. Flashing his famous smile. “Up on the street corner. I wouldn’t forget a pretty face like yours.”

Max clenched his teeth, narrowing his eyes at Ian. “You’re making fun of me!?” He slammed his hand down on the table. “That how rich cunts get their kicks?”

“No, no. You’ve got me all wrong.” Ian placed his hand over Max’s. “It’s not like that. I just mean, you work so hard. For your family. I wanna help you.”

“Help me? I don’t...”

“Look. I know Vinny cut your pops a bad deal. Sendin’ his chopper squad around here. And, well... I just can’t stand to see human suffering.”

Max rolled his eyes. “Sure...”

“What do you charge up there? 25? 30 cents a go?”

“Kick off...!” Max pulled his hand away, his voice cracking.

Shit... Ian wasn’t trying to upset the little daisy.... “Hey, hey. Shh.. Shh...” He grabbed the spindle of Max’s chair with one hand and pulled it closer. Their two seats now practically touching. “I’m just saying, you shouldn’t have to do that.”

“Why the hell would you care!?” Max shouted in a whisper. Obviously this was not the kind of conversation he wanted anyone to overhear.

“Because...” Ian’s eyes shifted back and forth. He looked around the room before leaning in closer. His own voice dropping to a whisper as well. “What’s your name?”

“Max...” he whispered back. Still annoyed, but confused on top of it.

“Max...” Ian leaned in closer. Whispering softly into Max’s ear. “You’re hiding something... Well, so am I...” He ran his hand up Max’s thigh, causing him to jump. He squeezed it, less than an inch away from touching his crotch. Max’s breath hitched in his throat. “More than just how you bring in the dough... Am I onto something...?”

Max didn’t answer.

“You got thoughts in your head. And feelings. And you try and hide em’. But it’s hard, aint it Max?” Ian’s soft whisper. His breath against his ear. It made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He bit down on his lip. “I’m the same way...” Max’s dick twitched. He cursed himself silently. Crossing his legs, Ian retracted his hand.

“W-what are you going on about....?”

“I want to make you an offer.”

“What...?” He turned to look at him.

“How would you like to never work again? What if you could have everything you ever wanted? Just come home with me. You’ll have everything you could ever need.”

Max’s eyes studied Ian for a moment, before he pursed his lips and leaned away. “I am not interested in being your sex slave.”

“No,” Ian laughed. “Dollface. Ya’ got it all wrong. You don’t gotta do anything. You don’t even have to touch me.”

Max raised an eyebrow. He couldn’t make sense of this guy. Nothing in this world was for free. Max had learned that long ago.

“I just want someone around. Someone I can relate to. To talk to... To... Look at... To...” He struggled to articulate it. “...Keep me company.”

“That’s really all you want...?”

“Swear to God.”

Max was silent for a moment. He seriously considered the man’s offer. Who didn’t want to live the high life? Be one of the lucky ones? Of course it was tempting... But these were thugs. They were dangerous. And if Max had learned anything it was that they were not to be trusted. And besides... “My family needs me.”

“You’re family’ll be safer than they ever were before.”

“How so?”

“Look. That’s what I came here for in the first place. This speakeasy here. This is valuable territory to me. I want it. And that’s all I want. Me and my boys will protect your family. And we’ll give em’ a fair price on the merchandise. And I don’t need no cut.”

“Well, I find that all a little hard to believe.”

“Max. All I’m interested in is taking this place out of the control of that putz. That’s my only motivation.”

“Oh really? It seemed more like you were here to chat me up.”

“You? Nah. You’re just a little bonus,” Ian flashed him that smile of his again. “You in or...”

“Well... I...”

“You look awful hungry. You know I just had this real nice steak and toast. But hell... I could eat again...”

Max frowned. What a sleeze-ball. Max lived entirely off of soup. And even that had been tight lately.... This guy was using everything he could against him. But... What an offer... He could only imagine the way these guys ate. And did he really mean that? He wouldn’t have to touch him? Not do anything at all? It didn’t make any sense. He couldn’t really just be lonely. What if this was all some kind of trick? What if they killed him? Max couldn’t really think of any reason they would have to do that. But these were thugs. Maybe they just got their jollies off that way. But then again... Ian hadn’t hurt anyone... He hadn’t threatened anyone. Maybe Max had them pegged all wrong. After all, he and his family made their money illegally too... Besides. Going home to a leftover pot of broth was not appealing. He couldn’t live in regret over such an oppurtunity. Even if Ian was a phoney, he could at least see for himself. “Umm... Well... Maybe I’ll give it a go. A small go. But if I change my mind... You’ve gotta bring me right back home. As soon as I ask, got it?”

“Of course. You’re a free bird, Max.”

“Well then, I suppose I accept your offer. For now.”

Ian grinned and held out his hand, which Max shook. Was he making a huge mistake...?

#maxian #writing

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lanadelreyscokewhor3 · 2 years

Note

My lovely,

God I had such a bad day today too, let’s revel in it together ❤️.

I can’t even explain, like, right when I think I get over things I just break down over one thing and it rolls and snowballs over lol. Ontop of that my dad is just such a character like the most cliche asshole rich-and-thinks-throwing-money-at-things-will-eradicate-everything-but-still-complains-about-everything-I-do-absentee types. He’s so disinterested in my life or anything I do or any of my achievements and is so rude to me for literally no reason. Like he hangs up on me all the time whenever somethings not going his way (the rarity when he actually talks to me). And I literally turned 19 this year and he hasn’t changed character or developed as a genuine human being since I was born (honestly I know he didn’t even want another kid so it’s such a gr8 feeling just knowing that as a foundation before I was born). I put all my effort into school to hopefully get as far as I can from him (like general vicinity wise since my parents r divorced and live in diff areas) and just be successful without having to depend on him for anything. Sorry for the random trauma dump, I just literally keep everything in my head all day until I feel like I’m actually going to explode. I honestly hate feeling bad like all the time (sometimes it’s more evident than other times ofc but still it’s always just there).

Yayo og version is so gorgeous. Florida kilos has always been one of my favorites I just like I don’t really like Florida bc the humidity is so intense but that song makes me want to book a flight lol. And I’m too much of a pussy to do coke so I wouldn’t but that doesn’t stop me from fantasizing ab doing it w dilf Pete <333!!

On another note, I’m proud of you for finishing your exam!! I’m sure you did very well, now you can reward yourself for all the hard work you put in to studying etc. Hang in there! Love you.

-🍿

never apologise for the dump honey. its what im here for. i hear you, and i care so much. i want to apologise from the bottom of my heart about your father. i know exactly what you mean, bc mine is kinda the same way. it sucks more than anything, just wanting his validation.

please know i am so proud of you and i love you. i also know what you mean about the sadness, or yucky feeling always being there. sometimes i wanna shake myself silly i hate it so much. but we just gotta be mindful, accept it, acknowledge it and cope with it in a healthy way. we are strong, and we are independent. we spread love, and we get love back from the people we love the most (aka you and i!)

florida heat makes me die. my family likes to go to disney ( we havent since covid) and i LOVE it dont get me wrong but bruh. i melted like those mickey ice cream bars. and now god knows i tried just turned on, so now im thinking about us taking a dip by the pool, with big sunhats and glasses. in like a flower garden, with willow trees over us, keeping us cool as we sip fancy drinks like champagne. honeymoon is my fav album, i just realised ive never said that on here lol. do i seem like a honeymoon gal? cause i am a huge honeymoon gal. that album aesthetic is literally MY aesthetic

thank you for the kind words about the exam! i love you. i really hope it went well. im currently at a 91, so if i fail, i wont fail the course (thank fucking god). i don't really have anyone to tell about it, but in my mind i like to think peter is proud of me for my chem work!!

#claire asks #my precious 🍿 anon

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kelships · 6 years

Text

Deathly Obvious

A/N: Fulfilled a request from anon. Sent this to a friend and she actually cried and sent me a pic of it so i know its real lmaooo. I liked this one a lot better than the other two i wrote but ill let everyone else decide that I guess. Also, Gustave Buhr is a fictional name I just used a name generator.

You had not meant for this to happen. You felt like such an idiot for taking this risk in the first place. You knew as soon as you confronted the unsub that he would do something crazy with you. Here you were on the floor of a dirty abandoned building, unsure of your location and tied to a big post that held up the ceiling. You were extremely dizzy, just shifting your eyes was too much to bear. Your earpiece was still on but it wasn't connected to anything anymore so it was rendered useless.

"Oh, You're awake! Great!" Gustave Buhr stands in front of you, kicking you in the chest when you tried to move. "Hey, hey, none of that now." he studies you as you close your eyes. "Hey, no passing out either. I need you awake for your team to watch you die." Your heart was pounding out of your chest as you shed a single tear.

"Oh, don’t worry, I wont die tonight." you say, somewhat cocky.

"Don’t be so sure sweetheart." he snaps back. He kicks you in the chest again, causing you to flinch, crying out a little. "Mm, look how cute you are. All scared and waiting for me to do something." You don’t speak, afraid of your cracking voice that would give you away. Meanwhile, Spencer Reid looks through the footage they recovered of the building. He had Garcia intercept a camera feed coming in from where you were. He catches glances at your attacker, having to turn away when he hits you. He cringes when he hears you grunt in frustration. "Garcia can we track this?" he says hastily.

"Uhhh....." she types away at her keyboard, pulling up numerous pages of information and loading screens. "Maybe. He seems to have done a good job of hiding this feed..."

"God, how long will it take?!"

"I don’t know, baby, maybe an hour, maybe several."

"We don’t have that much time! Get Morgan on the phone!" he yells, Garcia grabs his hand.

"We'll get his guy. How many abandoned places can there be that looks like that?" she rubs the top of his hand. "Also, babe, you gotta tell her."

"Uh uh. No way."

"Come on, she already knows basically. Everyone does." he blushes, turning away.

"We'll see. If we find her alive..." she hits him hard in the arm

"Don’t say that." Gustave hovers above you, kneeing you in the face, causing your nose to bleed. Spencer can hardly look, his fists clenching in irritation. Gustave sits in a chair across from you.

"Doll, wake up, will ya? Listen. You sound like a nice girl. But I gotta keep my promise." he was referring to his promise to kill you that he made with none other than Spencer. Watching this, Spencer paces the room. He grabs his keys suddenly, throwing on a vest, startling Garcia who snaps her head around to see the back of his head leaving the room. He jumps in his car without a word. He figured it out. He knew where you were. The drive was painful, he had to dodge a lot of things, mostly the speed limit. He throws his car into park in front of the building.

"Reid! What are you doing? Dont do anything stupid! You have to wait for backup." Morgan says into the earpiece. He grits his teeth.

"Screw that!" he growls, getting out of the black Sedan and kicking down the door. "FBI! Let me see your hands."

"Not another step or I /will/ shoot her." he stands quickly, pointing the gun he was holding at you.

"Spence!" You gasp quietly, trying to get free of where you were tied. He and Gustave stare at each other.

"You know I made a promise..." he smirks at Spencer, not looking at you but firing a shot that grazes your shoulder. You scream out, unable to grab the wound to prevent bleeding. You start to get teary eyed, Spencer fires his shot to subdue him and drops his gun quickly once backup arrived only seconds later. He basically crawls over to you to untie you and hold onto your wound.

"Hey. Y/N, stay with me alright? You're alright okay? I’ve got you." you clutch onto his bulletproof vest, crying softly into his chest as he lifts you, carrying you to the ambulance below. You start to shake as he sits you on top of the gurney. "No. No hospital."

"Yes, Y/N, you're bleeding really bad." your vision gets hazy. "Ive got you."

"D-Dont le-ave." you gasp, he holds your hand and sits in the ambulance to the hospital.

"Spencer!" you scream, jolting straight up and startling the man in the chair beside your hospital bed. You cried softly into your hands until a hand grabs your wrist, startling you more. "Spencer...Did you...Stay here all night?"

"Of course." he smiles, blushing a little and looking down at his shoes. "You asked me to stay." you rub your face to wake up properly.

"Fuck, I hope I didn't disturb anyone."

"You're alright." he chuckles. You lean back in the bed again and sigh deeply. "You scared me pretty bad. I didn't think he would actually shoot."

"Stupid. We both were. I think I should transfer. Or quit. Spencer, it was so stupid of me. And I love these people too much for me to risk anything else."

"Y/N please don’t say that..."

"It's true. They always say not to mix personal stuff with work stuff. Plus going in alone was so fucking stupid."

"Shhh. Don’t get so worked up. It's all okay. We can talk about it later."

"Spencer, I know this is hard for you especially."

"What does that mean?" he chuckles.

"You aren't exactly subtle. I just love to tease you at this point. Its really funny to flirt with you but..."

"Oh...um. I didn't know you knew."

"Everyone does." ��

"So I've been told." he sighs, looking away. "Sorry, I just. I don’t want to talk about this."

"Spence, I'm not /that/ hurt. I'm fine." he doesn't speak for a minute. He expected to hear 'Sorry, but I don’t feel the same.' or 'its been fun but we cant' but instead what he heard was. "I know its weird, but..."

"What?" he chuckles nervously. You grab his hand, squeezing lightly.

"I'm into you too, dork."

#spencer reid #spencer x reader #spencer/reader #criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #reader insert #x reader

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thedapperrabbit · 4 years

Text

She-Ra Rewatch: season 3 and onwards through season 4, and boatloads of Introspection time!

So Ive been rewatching She-Ra with my partner, because sharing Entrapdak is caring. I could probably squee on about that for a century or more (because eeee, sharing things i love with people i love AND THEY EVEN PAY ATTENTION TO THE THINGS AND REMEMBER THEM!)...but ill spare you, kind internet strangers who for some reason find my thoughts mildly interesting enough to be reading this. This is going to be a lot. Like, a LOT. A lot especially from a stranger that youve probably only seen a notification from due to me sticking a heart on your content or for reblogging something lovely youve made in pictures or words. I dont think anything is going to be violently trigger-y because im not always great at judging that stuff and also ive yet to feel quite comfy enough to be fully open-posting specifics about my own past trauma, other than a vague allusion to self-harm and distant-ish unspecified abuse aaaand the usual childhood garbage truck of assholes....but i suppose you could possibly draw some darker potential conclusions from the content im focused on. Also, my ADHD makes it incredibly hard to keep to a straight and non-branching narrative so...ramble-y bits and expressions of brain frustration ahoy. Either way...you are forewarned, just in case. Sorry in advance, this is going to be a small booklet by the time Im done explaining, and thinking, and then attempting to stick words to abstract feels which sometimes im great at, and then others i fucking suck at...but at least this is all written and not me trying to say this to any of your faces! Thats....a mercy all of its own. Haa... Anyway, while rewatching with my partner, I realized just how much more painful parts of it are to sit through now...they were the first time, and each time since, but NOW having spent a while mulling over the series as a whole a bunch, and reading a lot of other peoples writings on here and finding myself largely in agreement with most Entrapdak fan’s assessment of things, I just....feel like all the air is ripped out of me during some moments, watching with keener insight. And despite thinking i had myself reasonably well figured out by my age, its all also made me further consider a few things about myself as well. Particularly my notable internalized fury response to chunks of it which have been consistent through all my viewings of SPOP. With Hordak at least, its way easier to understand my reactions. For me at least. Maybe not so much for the people around me. And, shittier due to intensity and subject matter, but still easier in the long run because...the broken bits in me that he resonates with are fresher and sharper and still more recent, like within the last ten years, and thus more towards the front shelves in my head, compared to things that resonate with Entrapta, which are all old, lifelong dull aches at this point. I feel like nothing i can point to is fully sufficient to fully express my feels involving Hordak. But, maybe the best representative moment is with the crying i do every damn time I see his face looking up at Prime just after he glimmer and catra were beamed up...because ive seen that face in the mirror. I HAVE MADE THAT FACE. That same. Goddamn. Face. I may not have gotten a jab to the back of the neck directly from the person I made it at...but they often seemed to silently goad me to harm myself in an attempt to jolt my brain out of getting stuck in re-looping through what theyd just done/said to me. Likewise, much of his interactions with Entrapta are very...very weirdly familiar in feeling, but in a good way. Watching the stuff with Hordak hurts because fuck me if it isnt frequently like watching myself back in 2008ish to 2013, which was the duration of the worst parts of that particular circle of hell i parked my ass in. So...that makes sense. Hes so well written in those moments, it occasionally gave me PTSD flashbacks (still does a little, but now im prepared and braced for it and can shrug it back off....thanks, lifetime of therapy and years of studying abnormal psychology! Still totally not an expert, just very passionate...just, as a disclaimer). Entrapta though...Entrapta is a different story. Mostly, I see Entrapta and in her free expressions of delight and joy and her bouncy enthusiasm I am reminded of a younger, less discouraged me in some ways, and in others, a “me” I could have been, but...well, extremely early-onset anxiety and depression made me insanely self-conscious super-super early on...not that i was great at hiding or...i guess the term people seem comfy with is “masking”? Which was a huge problem, or so it was in the 80s when far less was understood of such things. Id do so for a bit and then would forget to, in a way (because id forget long enough to go and trust again reflexively) and would get badly bullied and would squish everything down until id feel a crumb of safety again, and then almost instantly ADHD would pop that mask right the rest of the way off aaand it would start all over again. Ad nauseam until my teen years, where the depression sort of “fixed” that, and made it much easier to destroy my desire to share much of myself freely at all, save for with one or two people, and to a less deep extent a broader circle of nerd friends. Course, then i hit 30 and ran out of the majority of fucks I used to give. Or I became so damaged and salted with anger that parts of me dont grow any fucks anymore? Either way, plowshares to swords, WHEEEE!) And, maybe thats where this time while watching, I started to really think back to all that, and to how i see Entrapta treated by the other princesses, or really just in general except by Hordak...and why it burns my biscuits so badly. Every time I see someone roll their eyes at Entrapta’s beautiful unbridled enthusiasm or try to make it seem distasteful or at least weird and unwanted and uncomfortable for them but then dont even bother to try coming to terms with why they feel that way... or how they seem to feel free to grab and manhandle her without her consent, or the way they try to lessen her contributions because shes non-normative? Like its the fucking least she can do to make up for being weird in their space (...okay, that might just be the anger kicking in..but i dont feel like its an entirely innacurate assessment, is it?) All of that...seeing it inflicted upon someone, It feels like someones punched me right in the damn sternum, but because its a hurt that im so desensitized to, it seems to have a much different effect than the sharp, violent crushing pain that i feel when I relate to Hordak a little too well for comfort. Again, i could go on, but its nothing more eloquent people on here havent already spoken volumes on. And my first gut reaction is always “I dont understand! why is that their reaction to her?! it doesnt seem logical at all, i dont seem to be able to parse it correctly, how is this acceptable? I HOPE SHE IMMOLATES YOU ALL.”. Which...I suppose isnt entirely usual for me (the silent wishing that people be immolated, I mean...i blame my past years of working in retail. And devouring too much Warhammer 40k contentl). (oh gods...and this is going to be the most clusterfucky part cause i can feel my meds kicking in and thats gonna be hard to keep coherence on but i gotta get this all out of my head or ill forget it or get too scared of you fucking BRILLIANT insightful smart people on here and then ill continue to live scared and regretful that i never said..anything, and just sat here like “noticeme, entrapdak sempais!” Ehhn...which is to say, if this is a garbage dump from here down, dont worry, when i wake up ill fix it...but hopefully itll at least make a tiny bit of sense ) But I realized something...something I hadnt ever rememberd much about due to the shitty neuronormative (apology if thats wrong term) behaviors continuing over years and years but in less and less directly aggressive ways as i grew older and was more prone to losing my shit in , (and likely because I got excessively lucky and managed through...uhhh...agonizing determination? Sheer stubbornness? Alleviatory rebalancing of universal karma? fuck if i know --to curate a surprisingly supportive circle of other castoffs and misanthropes.) That was exactly how people used to treat me. OKAY THISLL BE EDITED LATER to add in the rest of what i was gonna say...im...too full of Ambien sleep meds and damn write it anymore...and im aing trouble separating realigty and dream...an i k apawing at the kybord...not safe Lov yous for reading this far. Il fix it later, swears.

#should i tag this?#im not sure if i like it #berres #psyhcology of pop culture chraracters #psychology of the writer/author

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