#and enjoy the fact that even the worst person (or someone who consider themself the worst person) can be accepted and loved | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

someonestolemyshoes · 3 years

Text

Helplessly, Hopelessly

Cutting it a little close to the deadline, but here’s my entry for @levihan-drabbles Angst Monday! My prompt was: Levi and Hange are in an established long distance relationship, Levi surprises Hange by showing up right before midnight on New Year's Eve.

Once again, I got a little carried away :’) it’s not my favourite thing I’ve written this week but it’s done ahaha, please enjoy! And a HUGE thank you to the mods for running this whole thing, it’s been a lot of fun actually writing again.

Warnings: mentions of cheating (but I’m a big ol’ levihan sucker so worry not), body weight, anxiety/depression

It took him three attempts to knock. He even considered turning back and trying to change his flight, to head home and pretend this never happened, to live in blissful, agonising ignorance over Hange’s sudden, disinterested quiet. It was shameful, that he’d rather keep Hange ostensibly his than face any outcome where he lost them.

Levi hadn’t intended on turning up quite so last minute.

His flight was supposed to land at noon, which would have given him ample time to make his way over to Hange’s part of the city. But the weather had not been in his favour—his first flight had been delayed due to intermittent snowstorms, the chill air so thick with snow, Levi could barely see his own hand in front of his face. In consequence, he had missed his connecting flight by well over an hour, and spent the majority of his evening sitting on the floor in the overcrowded airport, surrounded by his bags, sipping piss-water tea and waiting for the next available flight taking off to London.

It had been almost eight months since he had last seen Hange in person, and even then, they hadn’t spent nearly enough time together. Hange had returned home only briefly to attend their grandmother's funeral. Levi had seen them at the service, and they’d snagged a few hours together between family engagements and the regular study periods Hange had set aside for themself during their stay, but it felt rushed, lacking. Hange had seemed flustered, then. They had confessed that their studies were proving a lot more demanding than they had initially anticipated, that they were tired. That they were beginning to feel a little burnt out, but they had no time to take any substantial break without getting too far behind to catch up again.

Levi missed them. He and Hange had, from early in their childhood up until Hange left for university, spent almost every waking second in one another's company. It was impossible to recall a time when they weren’t together, excluding a handful of miserable periods during which Hange’s family had whisked them away on some holiday or other while Levi sat in his mothers tea shop and made himself as useful as any child could.

They had grown together, through school, through their awkward, angsty teenage phases, through Hange’s stuttering realisation that gender and sexuality were incredibly confusing things, and they had no idea where they stood on either spectrum. They had tried alcohol together for the first time, tried holding hands, tried kissing and fumbling with clumsy, nervous, eager hands in Hange’s old treehouse, a touch too small for two grown teenagers, but just big enough.

They had been each other's first partners, in every sense of the term. The progression, Levi remembers, had felt equal parts strange and yet completely natural. Expected. He and Hange fell into step with the same absent simplicity as breathing; it took little thought and even less effort, to love Hange as more than a friend.

And then, Hange left for university, and Levi stayed behind to help his mother with the shop. And things had still been easy, in a way. Hange was only a phone call away, and they made sure to call or text at least once a day, even if they only had the time to spare for a quick good morning or good night or did you shower? I can smell you from here or I love you, too.

It was okay. Not ideal, but manageable. But in the last few months, Hange’s texts had grown infrequent. They were busy, they’d told him. Too many deadlines, not enough time. They would get back to him when they could.

They never did.

It was always up to Levi to reach out, and Hange, to their credit, was always incredibly apologetic about the time elapsing between points of contact—I completely forgot, Levi! I’m so sorry. Now isn’t a good time though, I promise I’ll call you back when I get a minute?

Levi had tried to reason that they probably were busy. But there were terrible, guilty, nagging doubts, and they had only grown more as time went on, as Hange’s texts and calls dribbled down to almost nothing.

It wasn’t that Levi didn’t trust Hange. He did, implicitly so. But they are young. A young couple from a small town, where a handful of kids their age are all they’ve ever known. And suddenly Hange was living in the big city, surrounded by like minded people—people who were astronomically smart, academically driven, who shared Hange’s interests. Who could do more than just listen while they chatted endlessly about plants or bugs or the vastness of the ocean, the movement of the Earth’s crust, the stars, the atmosphere in outer space, anything and everything that caught their interest. Levi had never been able to keep up, could only lend an ear and let Hange ramble until they were spent.

But they would meet people now, who could match them word for word and raise them facts they’d never even heard before. People Hange could have discussions with, debates with. People who could engage with Hange in a way Levi could never even hope to. The thought of it made his stomach hurt, and it crossed his mind too often, a guilty little echo in the back of his head every time Hange was too busy to talk to him. Every time his texts went unanswered.

And so, he had dipped into his savings and, with a little help from his mother, had bought a ticket to surprise Hange with a visit on New Years Eve. His mother assured him it was a sweet idea—romantic, she’d said, which had made Levi flush and scowl—but in truth, Levi had only decided on surprising Hange with the visit in fear that they wouldn’t want him to come, if he told them he planned on it.

Now, he was stuck navigating an endless network of underground trains, staring hopelessly at the maps on his phone and trying to figure out which line he needed to be on to make his way out to Hange’s apartment. It was already 11pm. Levi felt drained, his back and shoulders aching from carrying his luggage. The weather was cold and wet, the streets lined with slush that splashed up his legs and soaked into his shoes as he walked, and by the time he made it to what he hoped was Hange’s apartment building, an icy rain had started to fall, soaking into his pants and running in great rivulets from his coat.

He paused at the entrance. There was no keypad on the door, no way to buzz up to Hange’s room to get them to let him inside. He could ring them, but it had been weeks since Hange had answered his calls. Levi groaned, huddling under the small canopy above the door. It offered little shelter from the rain, and no barrier at all to the biting chill of the wind.

Levi had resolved to at least trying to call Hange when, by a stroke of luck he hadn’t thought possible today, the door opened, and three rather drunk and incredibly underdressed people tumbled out. They apologised to him as they stumbled by, but had the decency—or else the stupidity, Levi thought—to hold the door open for him. He thanked them quietly and slipped inside.

Hange’s apartment was on the third floor. Levi took the lift, which clattered ominously as it crawled four stories before shuddering to a stop. Levi’s stomach churned as he stepped out into the quiet hallway. There was a bubble of excitement, a thrill at the prospect of seeing Hange again after such a long time, but more than that, he felt nervous. He had no back up plan if Hange couldn’t, or wouldn’t, accommodate him. He wasn’t sure he had the money for a hotel even for a night or two, and he had optimistically booked his return flight for seven days’ time. If Hange had really changed their mind about him, about them, he had no idea what he would do.

Marking this off as one of his worst ideas to date, he dragged his luggage down the hall until he found apartment 3C.

But he was here now. He had made his bed, and he would lie in it, whatever the outcome turned out to be. He rapped three times on the door, and waited.

And waited. And waited.

His mind wandered back to the party-goers he had passed in the doorway. It was New Year's Eve, and Hange was in university. It hadn’t crossed his mind that they might have plans, since he and Hange had always spent the night together, before now. But Hange couldn’t have anticipated Levi’s appearance; it would make sense, if they had taken one night off to enjoy themselves. Pass the occasion away with friends. With someone special, even. Someone who wasn’t him. Levi’s gut turned unpleasantly at the thought.

Lost in his musings, Levi almost missed the door opening. He blinked dazedly, took in the figure in the doorway, and his stomach dropped.

There was a man standing there. Taller than Levi, with a mop of light hair and a sweet, open face, wearing a somewhat rumpled, baggy shirt and a pair of threadbare sweatpants. He took in Levi’s appearance with a startled expression. Levi swallowed hard, mouth dry, tongue thick behind his teeth.

“I’m looking for Hange,” he said. Cleared his throat. “Are they home?”

The man jumped at the sound of Levi’s voice. He rallied himself well enough, then nodded, and turned to call over his shoulder, “Hange? There’s someone at the door for you.”

Levi mumbled his thanks. He felt lightheaded, heart thudding in his chest. For a moment he and the strange man simply looked at each other, until he heard a familiar voice from inside saying, “Moblit? If it’s Nanaba, tell her to go away. I already said I’m not going.”

“Not Nanaba,” Moblit called back. Levi heard the shuffle of footsteps, and then Moblit stepped aside, and he was face to face with Hange.

It seemed to take them a second to register who he was. Their tired eyes landed on him, bloodshot and bruised purple behind their glasses. Levi watched slowly as realisation dawned on them. Their eyes grew wide, lips—dry, cracked—parted in surprise, and their skin, already sickly looking, paled further. Levi’s gaze darted to Moblit over their shoulder and back again. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but no words would come. Blood pounded in his ears.

He never should have come. He had thought he was prepared for any eventuality, ready to accept that Hange might have found some happiness in somebody else. Ready to let them go. It would be painful, he knew; it’d suck, more than anything. But he had thought he was ready for that.

In front of Hange now, staring the prospect in the face, Levi realised he was terribly mistaken. He could not have anticipated how sick he would feel, how dizzy; his chest felt heavy, full and leaden and yet hollow all the same. The most painful kind of emptiness. He looked at Hange and tried to find something to say, but his mind was blank. He could think of nothing but Hange, and the man still standing a little way behind them, watching curiously out of the corner of his eye.

The silence was long, and dreadful. Neither Levi nor Hange spoke. Levi, for his part, couldn’t find words to say, and wouldn’t have been able to push them past the lump in his throat either way. Hange had tears welling in their eyes. They built up thick and heavy on their lash line, swimming in the light from the hallway, before spilling down their cheeks.

A terrible, bitter part of him thought that Hange had no right to cry.

And then, without any warning at all, hange launched themselves at him. Their weight hit him full in the chest, their arms winding around his back and squeezing tightly, punching the air from his lungs. Their face pressed into the side of Levi’s neck and he could feel wetness on his skin, an endless flow of tears as something wretched and agonising ripped from their throat; a sob, the heavy, desperate kind that bursts up from the gut and hacks out like a terrible cough. Again, and again, Hange sobbed, sucking jumpy, shaking breaths and crying them out again.

Instinctively, Levi’s arms came up around Hange, too. One hand carded into their hair—it felt limp and greasy and knotted between his fingers—and the other flattened against their back. Something twisted in his gut. Hange felt thin. Too thin. He could trace the knots of their spine and the ridges and valleys of their rib cage; their skin pulled taut over their shoulder blades; their hip bones dug into him where Hange had pressed themself impossibly close.

Levi’s pain was replaced abruptly by concern. He held Hange a little tighter, but they felt breakable in his arms now. Fragile. Hange had never felt so small before.

Moblit’s voice broke Levi out of his stupor. He had a kind smile on his face, though his eyes held the same worry Levi felt.

“Maybe you should come inside?” He suggested. Hange sniffled against Levi’s neck. They took a few big, gulping breaths to steady themself, pulling away, though still remaining close. Levi watched as Hange pulled the sleeve of their jumper over their hand and rubbed at their cheeks, at their eyes. Something in his chest ballooned, pressing hard against his ribs, his throat. Hange looked a complete mess. Levi felt concerned, and confused. Even still, looking at Hange now, he felt terribly certain of one thing: he loved them. Helplessly, hopelessly, he loved them.

He let Hange step out of his grip slowly. His hands lingered, slipping around their waist and down their arm, but before he could move too far away, Hange closed their fingers tight around his. Levi stared at their knotted hands, then at Hange, and wordlessly let them drag him inside.

Belatedly, Levi remembered he was drenched. He could see wet patches on Hange’s jumper where they had been pressed against him, and the chill of his wet clothes seemed to sink into his bones as he crossed over the entryway. They passed Moblit, who watched them with some intrigue, then wandered out into the hallway only to return with Levi’s luggage in tow.

Hange’s apartment was open plan, the kitchen separated from the sitting room only by a countertop. It was small, and cosy, cluttered in the way Hange’s spaces always tended to be. They kept plants on every available surface, but Levi could see that some were in desperate need of tending, with dry, shrivelling leaves and sagging stems. That wasn’t like Hange at all.

By the sofas, Hange stopped him.

“Give me your coat,” they said. Their voice still sounded thick and choked, and they sniffled pitifully, but they were no longer crying. Levi obliged them in a daze. Hange took his dripping coat and tossed it, uncaring, over one of the stools by the counter. Moblit quietly collected it and hung it on a hook on the back of the door.

“What are you even doing here?” Hange asked, sitting down and pulling on Levi’s sleeve until he dropped down beside them. “How did you get here? When?”

Levi’s eyes roved over Hange’s face. He couldn’t figure out how they felt. It was an uncomfortable realisation—Hange had always been an open book to him, easy to parse no matter what they were feeling. Now, they seemed...reserved. Subdued. Not the Hange he was used to.

“I had some savings,” Levi said slowly. He cleared his throat, debated on what level of honesty he was going to reply with, before saying, “I hadn’t heard from you in a while. Wanted to make sure you hadn’t up and died on me.”

At that, Hange’s expression grew somber. They grimaced, and Levi watched fresh tears well in their eyes. He reached for their hand without thought, and Hange gripped on tightly. Levi let his thumb brush lazily back and forth over their knuckles.

“I’m sorry,” Hange said. “I’m really sorry. I just—things have been—I don’t know. I don’t know.”

Hange rubbed a hand tiredly over their face, then let their head drop onto his shoulder. They felt warm, a welcome weight against him. Levi let his cheek rest against their head, felt the tickle of their hair against his skin. Hange pressed closer, and Levi turned to nudge a kiss to their hairline.

The sound a stool scraping the floor turned Levi’s attention to Moblit. Levi shot him a look that was probably a little more murderous than intended, but fought to relax his frown at Moblit’s wide-eyed expression. Moblit scratched a little awkwardly at the back of his neck.

“Would you--ah, would you like a drink of anything?”

“Tea,” Hange mumbled. “He likes tea. There’s early grey in the cupboard, I think.”

Moblit nodded, and turned quickly into the kitchen. Hange adjusted their grip on Levi’s hand, until they were palm to palm, fingers slotted loosely together. Levi could feel them taking long, measured breaths.

“I’m really sorry,” they said again. Levi half wanted to tell them to stop apologising, but—well, until he knew for certain what they were apologising for, he couldn't be sure if they really needed to say it. “I know I’ve been a little...distant, lately. I’m sorry. I kept—I wanted to get back to you, I promise I did. I wanted to talk to you more than anything, but everything is just—God, Levi. Everything is going wrong.”

Levi gave a quiet, questioning hum. He knew Hange; there was no need for him to prompt them. If Hange had something to say, they would say it whether he probed or not. He waited, and eventually, Hange let out a distressed little sound and turned their face fully into his neck.

“Everything’s...so much harder than I thought it would be. There’s so much work to do, all the time. I’m struggling to meet all the deadlines. I keep failing my tests. I’m so tired, Levi. I just want a break, but there’s no time.”

Levi unthreaded his fingers from theirs and looped his arm around their back instead. He ran his fingers lightly up and down Hange’s spine, settled his face into their hair.

This side of Hange wasn’t wholly new to him. He had seen Hange upset and overwhelmed a handful of times before, but it hurt all the same—and more still, when he considered the fact that Hange had been feeling like this for who knows how long, without him even being aware.

“You can tell me shit like this,” he said. Hange flinched a little.

“I know,” they said quietly. “I know I can. But I...you’re so far away. And I knew you’d want to help, if I told you, but travelling this far isn’t—I couldn’t ask that of you. I didn’t want you to worry.”

Levi knocked his knuckles gently to Hange’s head. “Stupid. Look how that turned out.”

Hange let out a wet laugh. “Yeah, it kinda backfired, huh? Or did it? Maybe it was a ploy to get you to come out here all along.”

Hange sounded tired. Drained. The joke was weak and hollow without the right injection of humour, but Hange, it seemed, didn’t even have the energy to pretend to sound amused. Levi gave a scoff of a laugh anyway.

“Congratulations,” he said, deadpan. “You got me.”

The conversation fell flat. He was so used to having Hange talk his ear off that the quiet between them felt awkward, stifling. Hange only breathed, long, measured breaths, while Levi held them loosely against him. Moblit pottered around in the kitchen. While Levi felt mostly certain that things between them, at least, were okay, he was still curious about Moblit’s presence—but it felt like the wrong time to ask.

As if they could read his mind, though, Hange said, “Moblit’s been helping me study for the catch-up exams.”

“Oh?”

Hange hummed. “He’s good. I think I’ll give him an aneurysm one day, though.”

“That makes two of us.”

“Oi,” Hange grumbled, digging their fingers weakly into his sides. Moblit chose that moment to come into the sitting room juggling three cups of tea. He looked a little apologetic as he handed one over to Levi, who took it with a mumbled thanks.

“I’ve been telling Hange they should speak to you,” he said. Hange made a quiet, affronted noise, lifting their head and sitting up straight to take the tea Moblit offered them. “I thought it might help if they had someone to actually talk to. I can help out with the academic stuff, but the rest…” he trailed away, and Levi caught his gaze flitting to Hange’s thin frame, then back up to Levi’s face.

“Moblit, you’re a whole traitor,” Hange said.

In unison, Levi and Moblit rolled their eyes. Hange had settled their weight against Levi’s side again, feet tucked up on the sofa next to them, and was busy glaring at Moblit over their steaming tea cup. Levi laid his hand on Hange’s knee and gave it a small squeeze.

“I like him,” Levi said. “He’s got good ideas. You should listen to him more, Hange.”

Moblit looked pleased with himself, though there was nothing smug about it. He seemed like the kind, earnest type—pair that with his intellect, and Levi wasn’t surprised at all that Hange seemed fond of him. He felt a pang of jealousy at the thought, then considered their positions; Hange was nestled into his side, had cried on his shoulder, and was holding his hand. It was petty, but Levi took some small delight in it all the same.

Hange poked out their tongue at Moblit, who wasted no time in telling them he knew he had been right. Hange struggled to find a compelling argument against him, and resorted instead to more petulant, childish gestures. Moblit looked perfectly used to the behaviour and retaliated little, only reiterated his stance and pointed out rather happily that Levi agreed with him.

The atmosphere felt warm, calm. Hange seemed, for the moment at least, something close to content, with a soft smile that almost reached their eyes. Levi felt marginally more at ease than he had done prior to coming, though Hange's current state made him anxious—but at least he understood the problem, now. He could help in the coming days, and then continue to offer whatever support the distance would allow. He determined then that he wouldn't let Hange go silent on him, that they'd come to an agreement before he left, to ensure Hange would talk to him next time.

He listened as Moblit and Hange quietly bickered over their tea. Hange's usual energy was severely lacking, their tone less volatile. There was no indignant flush of colour to their cheeks and the shine in their eyes was dull, subdued. But they were no longer crying. No longer on the brink of breaking. Levi would take that, for now.

The three of them were startled suddenly by the loud crack and boom of fireworks outside. The sky lit up in vibrant colour, flashing and receding in tandem with each bang and pop and fizz that rent the air. For a moment, they all paused. Hange and Moblit turned to look out the window, while Levi—sappy, hopeless fool that he was, could only look at Hange. The light played across their pale face, glinting from their glasses, filling out the hollows of their cheeks and their sunken eyes until they looked almost whole again. Levi gave their hand a small squeeze. Hange's gaze remained glued to the sky, but they squeezed back just as hard.

Moblit was the first to speak, when the light show came to an end. He checked his watch, then looked up and smiled.

"Happy New Year."

Levi blinked. He had all but forgotten the day and the time, too wrapped up in his concern for Hange. He turned to look at them, and found Hange watching him already. Now, they had some colour—a light blush of pink on the apple of each cheek. Levi's heart stuttered in his chest. They'd been together for long enough, had years of sure kisses and even more stray ones, and yet, every damn time, the prospect of kissing Hange made his palms sweat, his chest tighten with giddy, childish excitement.

“Another year without breaking tradition,” Hange said, a little breathlessly. Levi felt gratified to know that Hange seemed just as affected as he did. “You made it right on time.”

Hange kissed him as softly as ever. Levi's hand braced on their narrow waist as he kissed them back. Hange melted against him, their lips rough and dry but pliant, opening easily to the gentle press of his tongue. It took a concentrated effort to remember himself, remember their company, to keep the kiss somewhat chaste; to stop himself nudging Hange to lay back on the sofa and cover their body with his own.

He pulled away reluctantly, entirely too pleased when Hange chased him a little way, stealing another quick kiss or two before leaning against the back of the sofa and looking at him. The flush on their face was more prominent, now. Levi quietly delighted in it.

Moblit sighed, almost wistfully, and gathered up their empty cups. Hange cooed quietly at him.

"Don't worry, Moblit," they said. "You'll get your turn soon. When does Nifa get back again?"

Moblit's face flamed. Levi had never seen someone colour so quickly, bright red from his neck to his hairline.

He stormed through to the kitchen, and choked out, "Next week, I think. And it's not like that, Hange."

"Not yet," Hange corrected. "We'll get you there."

Hange let out a great yawn. The little light of life in them, the small pleasure of teasing, snuffed out as they sat up straighter, spine crunching in several places as they did.

"We should get back to work," they said. They sounded dull again—Levi could hear the strain of stress in their tone. Moblit looked a little torn. Levi shook his head.

"It can wait," Levi said. "I've had a long, shitty day, and you," he pinched the skin of their cheek, tugging a little, "need sleep. You look like shit."

Hange's face twisted. Levi could see the anxiety building in them, churning. He cut them off before they could say anything more. "A few hours, four-eyes. You're not gonna remember shit when you're tired anyway."

"Levi's right, Hange," Moblit interjected. He looked tired, too. Levi felt a pang of sympathy for him—how many hours of sleep had he sacrificed trying to help Hange desperately prepare?

Levi tugged on their hand, pulling them in closer as he sunk back, reclining a little on the sofa.

"I'm tired," he said plainly. And then, embarrassed by the heat already flooding his cheeks, he added, "I've missed you. Just a few hours."

Levi was never blatantly vocal about his feelings. He considered himself very lucky that Hange knew him well, and could understand the intent behind his rude remarks. Right now, though, he felt desperate. And his honesty paid off.

Hange scrutinised him for a short moment, then said, "okay. But only a few hours."

"Deal."

"Just a nap."

"Fine."

Hange adjusted to tuck themself against his chest. They drew their knees up and curled into his side, dragging a throw from the back of the sofa and adjusting it to drape over them both. Moblit settled himself quietly on the other sofa.

Levi drew absent patterns over Hange's back with his fingertips. His touch bumped over their spine, bones even more pronounced with their back curled the way it was. How long had it been since they ate a proper meal? How regularly did they ingest something more substantial than a protein bar? He knew Hange was prone to fits of forgetfulness when they became too fixated on one task or another, easily bypassing meal times and leaving it too long between showers, but hunger always won out in the end. Hange had always been a little on the skinny side, but this, now; it scared him. They looked, and felt, unhealthy.

He dropped a harsh kiss to the top of their head. He wanted to say so many things, felt full with the weight of it all—I'm worried about you, you're scaring me, please look after yourself, I love you. Instead, he kissed them again, roughly, nuzzling his face into their hair, and hoped somehow they would understand.

Tomorrow, Levi will drag them for a shower. He will make them a good breakfast. He will make sure they drink water, and take small breaks during their studies, even just five minutes to breathe and regroup. Tomorrow, he will stand by as a silent support. He will let Moblit guide Hange through their studies, help where Levi cannot, and then, if things get too much, if Hange needs something to ground themself again, Levi will be right there.

Tomorrow.

But for now, Levi will make sure they rest.

#levihan #snk #my writing #angst

141 notes · View notes

aceofshitposts · 3 years

Note

I saw that you like CATS the musical. What are your thoughts on the movie?

AAAAH AHHAHA oh man oh boy y'all should BUCKLE IN cuz it's a ride

my simple thoughts? it's entertaining if only because it butchered the stage show so badly in an attempt to idk modernize it? Well, modernization is one part of it I think. The other part I'll go into below lol. I don't necessarily hate some of the more modern renditions of the songs (mostly the ensemble sets like Jellicle Song for Jellicle Cats) but then others are just... so poorly done it's insulting.

I've said this at the end of this whole rant too but I'm gonna put it up here in case people don't (justifiably) wanna see me go on and on about it:

The movie wasn't made for fans of the musical. It was made to make money and I believe they choose, at least partially, to do that through making it the weirdest and worst possible adaptation they could so that people would want to go see the train wreck. Which, really, worked! It was all people could talk about for a good while so like... Goal achieved, I guess.

A MUCH MORE COMPREHENSIVE ANALYSIS UNDER THE CUT cuz i don't wanna. flood your dash with... this

ALRIGHT SO. Most of my friends know I'm actually a huge fan of new adaptations of things. I love remakes (provided the people making it are coming at it with some form of heart and not just... cash grabbing which is more often the case) I love seeing other peoples interpretations of characters, or changing settings. It's one of the reasons I like American comics so much, getting to see different writers takes is fascinating.

I think musical movies can be wonderful ways to introduce people to a stage show that might have been unavailable to them otherwise! Chicago, for example, is one of the BEST musical to movie adaptations in my opinion. It kept the heart of the show, it's funny and the song numbers are done really well.

There are of course other famous examples, such as Grease or Bye Bye Birdie. Hairspray was also a wonderful take. These are simply off the top of my head, there are of course more.

CATS in particular has a history. If you go through my CATS tag you may see a few posts from @catsnonreplica which posts photos from non broadway productions of CATS! It's a fascinating read and I love, love, love looking at the other interpretations of the characters! CATS is a musical full of fun and wonderful characters if you take the time to see past the ridiculousness haha and the Korean and Japanese runs of CATS especially have some of my favourites.

How does this relate to the movie, I hear you say well. As you might has noticed the movie's interpretations of the characters is........ lackluster at best and downright uncanny valley at best.

CATS is, at its core, a ridiculous thing. I will fully admit that! But it's fun, it's entertaining and if you pay a little attention you can actually get the plot. (Honestly I don't understand when people complain it has no plot but that's a whole other rant for another day)

The movie was... obsessed with this idea of like... semi realism? Like obviously, as a fan, I think they should have leaned into the over the top character designs but instead we got...w ell:

Bombalurina:

Demeter left and Bomba right. Demeter was actually cut! From the movie which is. upsetting lmao.

Macavity is one of the worst offenders for me:

Macavity was... I wish I could know what the hell they were thinking there cuz it's even in his song? Ginger cat??? THAT IS NOT... A GINGER CAT...... but I digress. I would show more examples but I think you get the point.

So. We've butchered the characters appearances. Okay that's fine but what about their personalities?

ALSO BUTCHERED.

There's... there's a lot to unpack here. Just for context: the Jellicle Ball happens once a year and the Jellicle leader chooses a single cat to be reborn into a new life. In the stage play all the cats who are nominated for this honour are on the older side (Jenny-Any-Dots, Bustopher Jones, Skimbleshanks, Gus The Theatre Cat, and eventually Grizzabella) AND are always nominated by another cat. Not themself, unlike the movie where they all seem to nominate themselves.

Jenny-Any-Dots went from a doting grandmother figure who's celebrated for her selfless volunteering and tireless work into a conceited, vain younger cat who is obsessed with fame.

It's an incredibly strange dichotomy. I don't doubt some of it isn't the result of the uh people playing the characters honestly. I do think some of them did the best they could! I don't really blame Jason Derulo, for example, for Tugger. And honestly, Tugger was probably closest to his stage version (while being a trouble maker, he's shown to show Deuteronomy an immense amount of respect)

Speaking of Tugger! This will bring us to one of the biggest grievances with the movie and that is how they handled Mr Mistoffelees.

So... Ugh. So. We have Victoria as the pov character, which imo is like whatever in the grand scheme of things, and then we have Misto who they have decided will be get live interest cuz... Of course. Misto is shown throughout the musical to be awkward, unsure of himself and well. Really, kinda incompetent. Which is Wild cuz in the stage show he might be aloof but he's fairly confident in his powers.

So, Old Deuts gets kidnapped. In the stage show Tugger is the one to bring Misto forward! It's really quite sweet, imo, and I'm showing myself as a Tuggoffelees shipper here, but again Tugger is previously shown to be pretty conceited but then here he is boosting and hyping up Misto to bring Deuteronomy back. My friends and I have lovingly dubbed this the boyfriend hype song.

SOMEHOW. The movie manages to make this, easily, the MOST BORING number in the whole thing. Which, again, WILD. Misto awkwardly stumbles through his whole song, which again is... Boasting of his supreme magical powers which movie Misto clearly. Does not have or believe to have. The song, to me, feels super awkward and unnecessarily drawn out in the movie which sucks cuz it's one of my favourites in the show.

The declawing (heh) of Mr Mistoffelees actually reminds me strongly of how they changed Gaston in the live action Beauty and the Beast movie. He's gone from a beloved figure in the animated movie to someone so disliked in the town that Le Fou has to pay people off to say nice things about him. It's just. Wild character choices were made!!

Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat is probably my favourite in movie non ensemble number. It feels the most... Genuine? Compared to the other nomination songs.

Other problems include but are not limited to:

The inconsistent size scale of the CATS which throws me off constantly.

The weirdly overt sexual overtones added to MANY of the songs (Jenny and Bustopher being the worst)

This is just a personal gripe and opinion but I don't like that they used the UK version of Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer. The American version is both better known and tbh way more fun. Teazer's giggle? Adds ten years to my life every time.

Victoria's added solo song, Beautiful Ghosts, while I like the song as a song it doesn't fit the style of message of the musical. In the movie she's singing directly to Grizzabella who's being an outcast for years that she should be grateful she even has memories of being part of the tribe?? What?? But I know they had to add an original song to be able to be nominated for awards in like the Grammys n shit (which is why all musical movies will have an original song, fun fact!!) kinda funny they went to the effort though considering........... I don't think anyone could have genuinely believed CATS 2019 was gonna win anything but golden rhaspberries.

Movie Mr Mistoffelees has made repeated appearances as my sleep paralysis demon

The various cut characters, shout outs to Jemima, Demeter and Jellylorum especially

Bombalurina being a henchman to Macavity rubs me the wrong way

God I've written... So much. You probably get it by now haha. Like I said at the beginning, I try to go into any adaptation with an open mind but... Let's be honest, this movie wasn't marketed to people who are fans of the musical.

It was marketed, and made, to make money. And they choose to do that through, I think, intentionally making the worst possible version ever. Bad press is still press and the more outrageous people said the movie was the more people wanted to go see exactly what kind of train wreck it was.

Which is a disservice to the stage show, honestly, and all the people who've worked on it over the years.

But what can we do, right?

And besides all that, I do... Still own the movie version and I do still rewatch it on occasion. It is entertaining even if it's in a train wreck kind of way. I usually end up watching the 1998 version, then 2019 and then various tour runs that are on YouTube. (I highly recommend the 2016 tour, it's very good)

So in conclusion. It's fun (?) to watch. I enjoy picking things apart and doing analysis (if you couldn't tell!) so like... I don't hate it?

It did what it set out to do, I guess, and I can't fault it for that but. It's not a fair metre with which to judge the stage show imo. But I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, haha.

Jazz hands. I'm more than happy to elaborate or just chat about CATS if anyone wants! I grew up listening to the Broadway CD since I was a toddler so it's been! A very long standing obsession haha. Probably the only other thing on par with CATS is my obsession with Jurassic Park which I've also been a fan of since I was 3 (but that's a whole story in and of itself)

#astrix thoughts #cats the musical #Thanks for the opportunity to talk about one of my hyperfixations anon!#And to anyone who reads this whole mess lmao

7 notes · View notes

endexe · 3 years

Text

CW : General child abuse, brief mentions of murder and death ( all in 4th - 5th paragraph )

Genuinely? The concept of [ redacted ] taking care of children is a bit bizarre. Because R themself is beyond immature and irresponsible, not a lot of people would think they would actually ever have the time and energy to take care of these tiny, vulnerable beings who can get into as much trouble as they do and requires an great amount of care, something R themelf, a very confused and dependent individual, honestly needs as well. Though the thing about R: Time and energy does not really exist to them, not when they are an entity (̴ ̴?̶ ̷)̵ of unknown origin where they are unbound to such concepts like time and energy. Therefore, they do have all of those he needs to look after children.

It is important to keep in mind that it is never possible for [ redacted ] to have biological children regardless of the form they take after. Their vessel is forever extremely distorted for it to have many functional organ parts ( leading to them having a lot of physical conditions and a range of difficulties that they have to face in their daily life. ), so that sort of concept isn’t something they are concerned about at all with themself and the other party. When it comes to the children they meet, however? R is extremely easy to take them under their wings. They think children are very neat, just like anyone else, really, and they enjoy how completely open and loud and joyful they are, so they do not mind the idea of looking after them. Their extreme fun-loving and casual attitude is something many children can take a liking of them for ( which is funny to think about how there are some times when a child or few would follow them like ducklings and they would just accept it as they would happily make themself a proud mama duck ) while R is the kind of an individual who would let children do anything as long as it makes them happy.

Though the worst case of scenario involving this fact is when they see a child with no parents regardless of the situation and setting they’re in, without even thinking about asking where their parents are, R ends up declaring themself to be their parent and takes them away, regardless of how they may feel about this declaration. Having to consume a lot of media that depicts a child having an adult with them and seeing this so often in the real world, they believe that every child should have an adult with them, and when that isn’t the case with the child being all alone, that greatly confuses R before they simply decide to be that adult looking after them as to help them feel less scared and lonely, which is very bad when at this point, they would be considered to be a kidnapper, yet R doesn’t even know what that means and how their help there can be taken as a bad intention. They are okay with giving the child back if the child in question tells them where their parents are or someone asks them to return them to their parents, but they will not hesitate to question why the child was alone in the first place out of curiosity.

Under any circumstances R sees that the child cry from their parent or guardian, even if it involves not allowing them to get the toy or food they want at a store, in all honestly, with R’s morals being completely distorted while they have this mindset in a lot of timelines that no one should EVER feel sad and hurt, they will not hesitate to harm and kill them. While hearing the insults directing at the child is a step close for them to snap, they react a lot worst when they see them getting physically hurt or hears their stories involving it, as their way of punishing the adult(s) in this case is simply an eternal torture that is more terrible than being placed in a realm of hellfire. If the children asks what happened to them? R will just shrug and say that they’re gone for good and simply move on, which is not the greatest thing for them to reply as, though what do you expect from an unknown all encompassing multidimensional glitch being?

The subject of abuse is something [ redacted ] generally does not know a lot of, when this lack of knowledge is what makes themself oblivious to the abuse THEY would go through, so children who have been abused, abandoned, neglected, etcetera; R will be more than okay to take care of them as if they are others who doesn’t have these experiences, though they will be more uncertain of having to take care of them when they think of them as complete glass figures, usually resulting them having to ask help from those they are close to more often than when they take care of children with no history of abuse and such. In a different case, if they see children in any danger, they will automatically adopt them without a word as they think they would be a better parent with keeping them safe ( even though R would end up putting them in danger most of the times anyway ).

Although [ redacted ] as a parent isn’t exactly the ideal when they are, again, very childish and irresponsible, they are too relaxed in a manner that they will allow children to do anything, even if involves placing them in danger ( and even R will usually encourage it ), and their lack of knowledge and care for morals can give children the wrong ideas that can get them in trouble when they get older, as long as R does have someone else who can guide them with their parenting, with their extremely supportive, loving, and playful personality, they can be an excellent parent. With a bit of chaos, of course.

#child abuse cw #abuse cw #murder mention cw #death mention cw #( I keep thinking about River's comment in one of my posts that was like ' can [ Zero ] adopt me? ' while typing this all up and )#( it's so funny because literally if anyone asks if he can adopt them or even they just make a joke about him being their parent )#( he will simply accept that title TO them and consider them as his kid )#( he's not the best parent in a sense he's too carefree and chaotic to take care of children that well but. )#( he's a ' trying your best ' parent and we gotta love him for that sjdnjsd )#* ❪⠀ 📺⠀❫ : 𝚎𝚙𝚜1.7:study.𝚝𝚊𝚐 //

11 notes · View notes

string-of-broken-hearts · 3 years

Text

Broken

This is a drabble centered around Alistair just being broken in, a little drabble of pre-pet Alistair

Tw: death mention, non-con mention, branding, slave mentality, abuse, possessive whumper

“I finally broke it.” Master said, sneer plastered all over his face. Alistair wasn’t as lucky…

They were harshly thrown to the ground and in disgust, were given a sharp kick to the side. Tears lined their eyes, but Alistair knew better than to cry. And so, they took it. With their pride being smashed to the ground in humility.

The people in the audience Master had gathered together in spite and pride just sat and watched, the laughter ringing around in their ears. Wallowing in misery, Alistair was completely helpless as they were put on display.

Master quickly smashed his shoe’s heel down on their face, smushing what little cheek they had against the floor.

“Behold. The filth of the earth, the very scum that crawls under our feet.” Master said, grinding his heel against their forehead. Alistair’s eyes bolted to the ground, trying to remember their training. Good mutts didn’t deserve eye contact. That was reserved for people alone. Not filthy wretches.

Shame burned it’s way onto their face, feeling the stare of Master’s guests boring holes into them. Alistair’s stomach lurched from the shame. The only thing preventing them from throwing up was the fear of punishment.

With one last sharp press, Master removed his foot from off of their head, pushing them to the side. He walked to the other side of the room, eyes never leaving Alistair.

Master snapped his fingers twice, making the trembling slave whine and jolt to get into the proper positioning.

Scrambling into a stress position in the mere hopes of release, they bowed their head as tears finally did start slipping out of their eyes.

People started to walk up to them and gaze at the broken property infront of their eyes. Seeing Alistair’s tears, laughter quickly filled the room. Several people poked and prodded while others just stared. And some of the brave ones started to kick and punch them.

Alistair didn’t break positioning, just flinching and gasping to catch their fleeing breath. They were strong, but their tears quickly disproved that theory. They hadn’t stopped until Master patted his leg. He was safe. He would save them. Or at least, they thought and hoped and prayed.

Master pat again, impatient as ever. They nearly ran to him, getting there in the blink of an eye. He chuckled and tugged their hair to meet his eyes. They stared up at Master as if he was their world. And in fact, he was.

He gave a sharp tug, ripping and tearing some strands out. They had forgotten an important rule. Only people got eye contact. Not “things” and “its”.

Gasping, they quickly tore their eyes away, face as red as a lobster. Why couldn’t they ever do anything right? They would surely receive a week in the out for that. They hated the out. They liked the in. The in was safe and warm without bugs and filth and wind and cold and grass and rain and thunder.

The guests didn’t give a fuck, just watching with amused eyes. Master had always enjoyed entertaining. And Alistair was the perfect centerpiece. Worst yet, everyone knew it…

Didn’t matter what they wanted or needed, their whole job was to stay quiet and stay seen and not heard like a good little mutt was to do.

They immediately flinched and curled into themself, white cold fear drowning the red hot shame away. They knew it wasn’t safe when Master pulled out his favorite toy from a nearby side table.

They whined and started to back up, trying to escape from the brand. Their body was already decorated with the mayor’s brand all over. They didn’t want more. They didn’t need more. It hurt, especially when the sound of sizzling, burning flesh filled the room.

Master tsked before opening his mouth to speak. “Today is a momentous occasion. Today’s the day I broke it.” He said, a grin stretching from ear to ear. He waved his hand out dramatically to them, as if showing the “before” part of before and after.

“Come.” Master yelled sharply, he didn’t have time for the pets doddling. They crawled over to his feet, limbs curling into their sides with shame. Alistair’s head was shoved down, meaning only one thing. And they knew it.

Alistair shakily planted a kiss on Master’s shoes before licking them until he kicked them and walked off to heat the brand. Master quickly left the room with his guests, knowing full well they would have some fun of their own. Alistair would have nothing near fun.

Alistair knew all of this was wrong and degrading, but there wasn’t anything they could do. And, like Master said, they were finally broken. No longer a human, but an object to hurt and an object for pleasure. They painfully accepted their fate. They were worthless anyway, at least Master was kind enough to put them in their place and remind them of what they truly were- an abomination. A horrible, disgusting monster.

No one could ever love a monster. So they were lucky they weren’t put to sleep or abandoned to live a life of shame. At least now they were useful. Well, to an extent. And they could not be more thankful to Master for saving them from that.

Alistair started to crawl into the deep parts of their mind, removing themself from reality as the guests did what they wished to their heart's content.

A piece of trash doesn’t deserve privacy or boundaries or wants or needs, so they dared not speak up as the guests did unspeakable things to their body.

When Master finally did return, he was pissed. At both Alistair and his guests. He got like this when he was triggered. It was scary because he took it out on Alistair, no one else.

Brand in hand, he waved it around in the air near his guests, face red with anger. He started spewing hateful word after hateful word, anger, bitterness, and trauma hardening his heart.

The guests thought it was the funniest thing ever, laughing at the supposed tease. That just made him yell more, his yelling soon turned screams. He demanded the guests leave.

They weren’t ready to, not when they didn’t get what they deserved. If Alistair wasn’t going to get hurt, someone had to. That someone was Master.

The guests, in a pain fueled wave of fury and excitement, tackled Master to the ground and flipped him. They cut his shirt and pressed the brand down sharply.

Screaming and kicking and crying, he pleaded and begged for Master Damien to stop. The guests didn’t know his past, and he was determined to keep it that way, but tonight unraveled his plans.

Alistair screamed when Master did, feeling their own pain flare up. They grabbed Master and held him close, growling at the people, refusing to let him go.

The guests just tore them away from Master, planting the brand on them too. Alistair screamed out for the pain to stop, feeling the red hot burning tearing their skin apart. Feeling the effects of the open air stinging it when the crowd had finally got what they wanted.

They collapsed on the ground in tears and shame, waiting for further punishment. Why couldn’t Master get it over with already? Why was he dragging it out?

They didn’t know that the guests had long since gone and no one was going to hurt them further. Master had managed to leave the room quite a while back, taking an ice bath to heal the burn. He was hurt and angry.

No more parties. He was ashamed of how he reacted, and hating Alistair for not taking the pain in his place. He didn’t deserve it. They did. Slaves took the pain. Not Masters. That was very obvious.

Today was supposed to be a good day. Today was supposed to celebrate his accomplishment of breaking them, but in the end, the only broken one was him. Master Damien had done his job well.

He cussed loudly, throwing glass bottles against the wall, reveling in the shattering it caused.

He got out of the bath and threw on some pajamas pants, walking to the living room where his party was hosted.

Wincing when he saw Alistair’s broken state, he tsked. They lay limp on the floor, twitching every so often. It was clear they had been pushed to the limit. Considering, it wasn’t even Master who branded them. The crowds were harsh and reckless.

The guests had done numerous other things when Master had left, it was unclear exactly what had happened, but Master’s torture tools were strewn about the room and blood was quickly seeping into the carpet.

He walked over and poked them with his foot, seeing if they’d respond at all. He frowned, the only response he received was a whimper and a tremble. What was wrong with them?

They didn’t know, they didn’t care. They only wanted the pain and fear to leave. But, Master was never one to comfort. Plus… why would he? They didn’t deserve it. Comfort was for people. Alistair’s whole job as Master’s slave was to be a play thing to hurt. Nothing more.

He crouched down and eventually lowered into a sitting position. They would pay dearly for not protecting Master. He was determined to make them hurt.

He just watched them, taking in such a broken person, however, he’d never admit to them being a person. They weren’t after all.

After a good bit of stroking and possessiveness, he dragged them by their hair and threw them into the hallway that held the shoes and leashes.

A loud whine escaped their lips, unable to control their responses anymore. They needed a break from the pain. They were falling apart. But Master knew best… if he wouldn’t help them than they clearly didn’t need it.

Master just rolled his eyes and scoffed at their helplessness. They winced and crawled over to his feet, kissing them as best as they could. He leaned close and pet their hair, opening his mouth to whisper something.

“You worthless slut, are going in the out. How dare you ruin my big day. I will break you a billion times over again until you learn your lesson.” He said, throwing them back.

Alistair’s eyes grew wide with fear, clinging to his legs in one last hopeless attempt at salvation from the god above, determining their every move, every thought, every feeling. Master was no god, but in both their and his eyes, he was.

He shook them off, flinging them to the side and sharply snaping his fingers. They were slower than before, a little groggy and dissociated with reality.

They tried to get into a kneeling position, but failed miserably. They collapsed in a disappointing heap on the ground and passed out.

Master growled at their incompetence and hastily attached a metal leash to a choker collar he tightly slid on their neck.

They didn’t need it, of course, but bad slaves always got them. They were used to not being able to breathe anyway.

He tied the leash to a tree and threw them out, wiping his hands to rid himself of them. Alistair jolted awake with the chilling wake up the snow gave them. They were barely clothed and were very vulnerable with blood loss.

Alistair scrambled over to the tree and curled against its trunk in fear, hoping for some sort of comfort. They received none as the sun started to set on their shivering, isolated body.

#whumpee #whumper #whump #alistair #atlas #slave mentality #slavery #branding #non con mention #death mention #abuse #dehumaination

13 notes · View notes

priorireverte · 3 years

Photo

Congratulations Ashlie!

Your application for Neville Longbottom has been accepted. It was delightful to read and I am looking forward to seeing what more he brings to the group!

Please look to the checklist for the next steps and reach out if you have any questions!

OUT OF CHARACTER

NAME & PRONOUNS: Ashlie ( she/her )

TIMEZONE: est

ACTIVITY LEVEL: My main goal is to be online about five days a week actively working on replies, although I am always lingering around on mobile for plotting and such.

ANYTHING ELSE: Triggers: Flashing Gifs. Experience wise, I have been roleplaying online since 2011, and joined Tumblr roleplay around 2014.

CHARACTER DETAILS

NAME: Neville Longbottom

BIRTHDATE: July 30, 1980

DEATHDATE: –

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: demiboy he/they asexual/biromantic , Neville doesn’t put much weight on pronouns, either he or they really there is no preference for one over the other because he simply doesn’t feel any sort of connection to any of them. He tends to use the two interchangeably, although they are also still playing around with how they feel about the concept of masculinity and how it ties into his own idea of their gender so this may change over the course of the timeline.

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Gryffindor Growing up, Neville was the one people always questioned. How could they possibly ever have been sorted into Gryffindor? They were quite timid as a child, fearful and easily taken advantage of. It was Dumbledore who had first seen the potential and they had and awarded him for it. They hadn’t wanted to stand up to Harry, Ron, and Hermione first year, they were terrified. But they also knew if they didn’t say anything their whole house would face the punishment that came with finding students out of bed past curfew, even if they later learned the three had a pretty solid reason. But Dumbledore’s validation had been what they needed to continue to experiment with that Gryffindor bravery they failed to see in themself. Telling a gang of eleven year olds not to sneak out isn’t the most terrifying thing they’ve ever done- but it was the first time they had fought back for what they thought was the right thing. That made them sure of themself when he joined the DA and made so quick to answer the call on those medallions and fight back when Hogwarts was under Death Eater control. Neville grew up very quickly and in a short amount of time, the catalyst for them truly feeling they belonged being prior to the true start of the war after learning their parents’ attacker had escaped from Azkaban Prison. Then Death Eaters took over the school they called home and it was no longer about proving themself to histheir grandmother or classmates, but about doing the right thing. It was then that Neville truly understood the meaning of bravery, chivalry, and the other traits true

OCCUPATION: Current Auror / Substitute Professor of Herbology at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry ( Neville has been working for the auror department since he left Hogwarts and is currently still working for them. He however has just accepted a job at Hogwarts starting after summer break and put notice in at the department he will be leaving in the end of August. He has yet to tell anyone anything other than that he has subbed at the school a couple times for Professor Sprout. )

FACECLAIM: Federico Cesari

CHARACTER BACKGROUND

POSTBELLUM

Neville had only been a toddler when they first learned the end of a war does not mean the end of the fighting or that some of the worst acts of violence and cruelty happen after one side has already surrendered. The war was a terrifying thing and Neville didn’t begin to fully understand what it meant until after their side had already won. They cut a lot of people off after the final battle; kept isolated and trapped in a state of uncertainty. Some days they felt invincible- as if the scared little child who refused to let go of their grandmother’s skirt was someone else entirely and only the new version of themself who spat in Death Eater’s faces had remained. But as the adrenalyn wore off it became easier to fall back into the mindset of someone who thought they would never fit in or live up to the reputation their parents had set for them.

They went immediately into Auror training simply because they didn’t know what else to do. When Neville was told he could join the program despite not obtaining the OWL results required they couldn’t turn it down. It had felt like some sort of sign that this was what they needed to do, They knew that they wanted to be an Auror at only eight years old- although back then it was more because they wanted to be like their Gran’s stories of Frank than an interest in the career itself, but they had still struggled to accept that their childhood dream had gone out the window when their OWL scores came in the mail. But their position in the war meant more than an Acceptable in Transfiguration, and with so many Death Eaters still to be captured they couldn’t bring themselves to accept the war had finally ended.

When they learned the position for the Herbology teacher at Hogwarts opened he applied on a whim, never thinking they would actually get the job and struggled to get through the interview until they realized Professor Sprout had recommended them personally. They know they need to do this for themself, but they’re terrified to tell everyone about their plans to leave the Auror Department. It feels selfish- like they’re giving up the fight.

Now with Bellatrix’s return they are angry. At least they believe they are angry, but this is a different anger than the one they felt when she had broken out of Azkaban for the first time years ago. Perhaps it’s the mixture of jealousy at seeing so many people around them be reunited with their families while struggling with the guilt of avoiding their own. Or maybe it’s simply a deeper understanding. They are eager to find out.

PERSONALITY

Neville assumes their upbringing has a large part in the reason they’re so quick to think about what exactly is making someone behave the way they are. They are empathetic, quick to be understanding and patient. They wants to be there for everyone, even if that person doesn’t want them there. When Neville is invested in something they go on longer than anyone enjoys, putting every ounce of energy they have into it. When they love something they put their all into it and has never been one to do something half-assed. Even whenthey struggle, they give their all and don’t volunteer unless they knows they can pull through. Their love of herbology is clear to everyone who knows them and they spend hours a day trying to learn more about the subject they love so much. But he is also passionate about equal rights and fighting injustice. So passionate he put his safety on the line again and again to give a bit of hope to those around him that they could do this. So passionate even when he thought they had lost everything he still was the one to stand up and keep fighting.

They spent a lot of time lonely, and grew comfortable being by themselves. For a long time it seemed like everyone had their click but him. Sure he had friends, at least he thinks they all considered him friends, but until recently he never had that person he could go to. Now he still forgets to reach out to others for nothing other than to just enjoy each other’s company. He’ll call them to tell them about a book he thinks they would enjoy, or to tell them about the restaurant that opened up down the street from them, but he’s still working on believing people want to spend time with him and breaking the habit of spending his time along.

Insecurity and uncertainty had defined Neville’s life for so long, sometimes he does not know how to live any differently. He is quick to second guess himself in every aspect, and that has held him back many times. He decides how others feel without asking their opinions and can be quite pessimistic while doing so. Neville’s loyalty is also a trait he prides himself on greatly, but at times it can be entirely blind. He can have a bit of a black and white mindset when it comes to if someone is good or bad and once you have been deemed good in his mind he will follow certain people to their doom simply because they told him it was a wise idea.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY

Neville’s parent’s health had always been especially overwhelming and confusing for them, ever since they were just old enough to comprehend the two of them were not normal, that the way they behaved wasn’t the typical way the other adults in their life acted. Although for a very long time even after that they didn’t entirely understand their presence in their life was something normal to miss or that it wasn’t selfish to be angry over the fact that Frank and Alice couldn’t recognize who Neville was. They understand the pride they feel in being their child, and just how much they had sacrificed, but even now they cannot seem to fully comprehend why they miss something they cannot remember ever having in the first place.

So the excuses to not join Augusta on her visits to St. Mungo’s were plausible for a while. First it wasn’t safe to go, they couldn’t leave Hogwarts during the height of the war, the new job had just kept them so busy there wasn’t the time. Although every time they rattle off another excuse they see more of that same look in their grandmother’s eye that they had grown accustomed to as a child and thought they had finally gotten past. It was the week of the first anniversary Neville and Augusta finally had it out. Neville hadn’t meant to snap at her, there was so much guilt and their anxiety was still high. Suddenly everything from their childhood with her came out at once. The pressure she put on them to live up to their father, never saying anything to the family members who harmed them in an attempt to “scare” the magic out of them. They feel a responsibility to work on their relationship, she’s the only family they really have and perhaps if that weren’t the case they would have dropped her. But Neville loves her, as strict and imperfect as she is; they know she loves him, even if she wasn’t always the perfect guardian.

HISTORY

Only months following the end of the war, a group of Death Eaters had captured Frank and Alice Longbottom, determined they knew what happened to the Dark Lord and were willing to do anything in their power to get that information out of the two Aurors. They tortured the two incessantly until they had both lost their minds, leaving Neville who had only been a baby at the time to be raised by Frank’s mother, Augusta. She had been stern and old fashioned in the way she had raised them, expecting Neville to be every bit as brilliant as their father and then some as only a child, and she hadn’t done a spectacular job at hiding her disappointment whenever they didn’t live up to the expectations set for them. It had happened before, in a family as old as the Longbottoms it wasn’t entirely unheard of for a child to be born a squib, but that didn’t stop the fact that it was shameful, or dismiss the fears that Neville would live a horrid life if they failed to ever show signs of magic. Their entire extended family grouped together to attempt to make them to show some signs of magic, all going to different lengths in their attempts to do so. This destroyed their confidence and left Neville especially insecure even before they had the opportunity to start Hogwarts.

While everyone around them seemed to think of their time at Hogwarts longingly, Neville struggled during their time in the castle. Their Gran had been overprotective after taking them in and kept them separated from other kids their age so long they had a hard time making friends. Kids were mean, and it wasn’t uncommon for them to be the punchline of various jokes and picked on for the babyfat they had yet to lose or their awkward demeanor. While being bullied by their peers was hard enough, Neville hadn’t expected their professors to be even more terrifying than anything else they had dealt with in their young but still tragic youth. Severus Snape had been the human embodiment of everything they ever did wrong. As much as Neville loves their grandmother, she was never subtle about her high expectations for them and the more Neville tried to live up to them, the more they seemed to fail. Snape preyed on this, had a comment ready at every corner and made sure Neville knew they were inferior. They would never be as smart as their father. Never be as talented or successful if they couldn’t brew a simple potion correctly. The trauma of watching their parents’ health deteriorate as only a toddler left them with scars they still haven’t healed and Snape knew that as well. The gut wrenching anticipation of knowing if they did their assignment incorrectly their beloved pet would be slowly and painfully killed only brought the teen nightmares and what ifs. Snape knew Neville’s secrets from the days he fought on the other side, then his time as his Professor and had a profound talent for using this against them.

When Bellatrix Lestrange escaped from Azkaban it gave Neville a reason to fight back for the first time. There was a connection between them and the fighting going on outside the walls of Dumbeldore’s protection and they were able to truly comprehend just what this all meant beyond knowing Voldemorts return was a bad thing. Even more than that, they wanted revenge. They wanted to get even with the witch who stole everything from them, caused their parents to be unable to even know who their own child was. And they did fight back, harder than they had ever fought for anything in their life, they practiced day and night with hopes they could prove they are much more than the stupid little pureblood with insane parents and could barely hold a wand the right direction.

Then they were seventeen and living their deepest darkest what ifs. Would I do the same? Could I take the worst of the unforgivables for the well being of another? Neville’s entire life had been controlled by that curse. The shyness, the isolation, depression. The fear. Suddenly they were thrown into war, still only a student, even if one privileged enough to be born with the blood that was ranked superior. Wands were pointed at them, doing everything they could to force them to be the one thing he grew up swearing they would never be. Neville took everything they threw at them to not become the people who tore apart their family. They grew more confident and collected and stepped up to do what they knew they needed to do. They lead an Army, and the DA was the most important thing they will ever be a part of in their life. It made them someone they could be proud of, instead of having to worry what everyone around them would think of them.

OOC EXPLORATION

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? This group is gorgeous, While yes, your graphics and theme is lovely, your plot, the character teasers, and the writing are beautiful. A post trio roleplay is so hard to come by, as is a group with passionate and active admins and members who want to write and develop characters and the little twist of bringing back the dead is captivating. Scrolling through the page simply left me inspired, there is no other way to explain it. Thank you for making this rp possible and giving me the chance to be a part of it.

ANYTHING ELSE? https://www.pinterest.com/aaestheticsdm/why-is-it-always-me-c-neville-longbottom/

#prioriacceptance #neville longbottom

6 notes · View notes

a-student-out-of-time · 4 years

Note

(Mod, can this anon just say I really appreciate how much self-control you have? When that Haiji defender showed up on your blog, you just said "get off my blog". This anon really appreciates how you didn't scream at them, accuse the person of secretly being a pedophile themself, tell them to kill themself or to choke on broken glass, encourage your followers to harass Haiji fans, etc. Today's generation of pop-culture-fandom could learn from your example.)

//Now that you bring this up, if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to talk for a bit about fandom toxicity.

//There is, in a way, a feeling of entitlement and ownership when it comes to characters or properties. That, because these things hold a special place in our hearts, that they belong to us and that our interpretation of them is the correct one and that anyone who disagrees is wrong.

//So when there comes creative decisions or opinions made by others with those properties, even ones by the actual creator of the work, that don’t match up to our own, there can come a feeling that these are a direct attack against us as well. With that comes a lot of the worst parts of fan culture: harassment, insults, bullying, threats, and even actual attacks on these people.

//But the truth is, these people were probably just expressing their feelings and emotions about the same work, because they enjoy it too. They were never trying to directly or indirectly attack you, they just simply had a different opinion. It’s important to keep that in mind: the people you talk to online are human beings with thoughts and feelings of their own, and those feelings are rarely going to be the exact same as yours.

//An unfortunate part of the problem are the inherent psychological biases that we all have, and confirmation bias especially. Where we’ll focus on information we agree with (even if it’s factually wrong) and ignore anything that conflicts with that (even if it’s factually correct). This goes beyond just fandom, but I’m going to stay on topic.

//There is not a single human being at any point in history who hasn’t been guilty of these biases. You, me, everyone you’ve ever met, we’ve all done it at one point or another. The issue is when these biases get us to leap toward intolerant conclusions about those whose viewpoints we disagree with. “You don’t have the same opinion as me, so you must be stupid/evil/bigoted/brainwashed/etc.”

//It can be so easy to draw those conclusions about people, especially when the arguments aren’t well-structured and you’re in the heat of the moment. But let’s be real: we’re never all going to 100% agree on everything. And that’s okay. Hell, if we did, that sounds more like a dystopian nightmare scenario where free thinking has been suppressed.

//And thinking is an activity I’ve always encouraged. Toxicity is ultimately at odds with critical thinking, where any dissenting opinion is hunted down and suppressed and anyone who speaks up is bullied into silence. That is not what my blogs are about. It does kinda make me sad that I’m being praised for not being a toxic asshole, because I don’t really feel like that’s praiseworthy. I want that to be a normal thing.

//Here’s an experiment: take your favorite DR character and ask yourself why you like them. What is it about them that drew you to them? Their personality? Their backstory? Their role in the narrative of whichever game they were in? When you have those reasons in mind, consider the following: what about this character is flawed? What about them is inherently dark or troubling? Why might someone else dislike them?

//And then work backwards from there: take your least favorite DR character and ask yourself why you dislike them. Then find all the ways why someone else might like them without diving straight into intolerant conclusions. Look past the surface and dig a bit deeper to see what exactly makes them tick.

//That’s not me asking for essays, that’s something I want you all to consider for yourselves.

//I’ll be the first to admit I really disliked Junko. I didn’t consider her all that interesting of a character or a villain, and she just cames off as very annoying and overblown to me. I considered everything that she sets in motion to be far more interesting.

//I have, however, seen a lot analyses and in-depth looks at her as a character and after going through those, I came away with a lot of insights I didn’t even consider before. My opinion hasn’t changed too much, but I can definitely see (DR3 notwithstanding) all the way she can and does make for a interesting villain.

//So the takeaway is, even if you don’t end up changing your opinion, you can at least say “I still disagree, but I’ve gained some perspective into why someone would feel this way and I’m better for it.” Critical thinking does not mean you have to give up your opinions, and there does exists a very wide middle ground between total agreement and toxic harassment.

//But critical thinking is at odds with the idea that it’s best to retcon, ignore, or fabricate details of canon that we disagree with to justify those opinions. This is why I got so mad at the anon who claimed Haiji was talking about fictional underage girls, something that is not at all substantiated by evidence in the game. You can’t simply ignore these details because you don’t like them.

//Critical thinking is about being able to either say, “Okay, I fully acknowledge that these details about this character I like are problematic and I understand why it might upset people, but they’re not the sole or central reason why I like this character”, or “Okay, after careful analysis, maybe I was wrong about what I originally thought about them.”

//Me personally, I look at these details and ask “Okay, but how can we build off of this? Can we tell a new story with it?” For example, while SDRA2 Chapter 0 left a bad taste in most everyone’s mouths, I didn’t want to just retcon it. Instead, thought Kokoro being regretful over her actions and wanting to reconnect with her daughter would make for a very interesting story.

//But the most important part of this that I’d want anyone to take away is that it’s important to listen to others and consider their viewpoints as well, and again without immediately jumping toward conclusions and talking over them before they make their case. Listen to people, ask them questions, and remember that on the other end of the conversation is another human being with thoughts and feelings of their own.

//Now, there is that invisible fear that “understand that others have different opinions” is shorthand for “just accept that some people are into r*pe/inc*st/p*dophilia and let them make content of it.” I promise you that is not at all what I’m suggesting here. I hope my previous angry rant about Haiji cemented that fact.

//What I am saying is that we need to be acutely aware of both the thoughts and feelings of others and those of ourselves. That it’ll be better for us as well as others to apply critical thinking and careful insight into our opinions, not taking them as inherent fact simply because we hold them, and understand that others will not always enjoy the same content the same way we do.

//And most importantly, being able to separate those who are willing to listen vs. those who’ll prefer to stay toxic, bitter, and unmoving is a very important skill to learn. There is no shame in withdrawing yourself from any sort of talk with a person who upsets people for fun, and it will be better for your health in the long run.

//Finally, let’s be real, what’s gained from arguing with people online? People who you never have and probably never will meet? Not much. But if someone is not going to budge and only wants to share their toxicity with the world, it’s better for you to simply walk away, block them, cut yourself off, and move on. Their toxicity is their deal, and it doesn’t have to be yours.

//But I also think there are people who are willing to listen, who may simply not know that they’re engaging in things that are hurtful or toxic. And some frank but kind insight as to why can change their opinions. A willingness to listen, not to just defend their position, is what’s important.

//I’ll be completely honest here and say I was in that position once. I’ve said and thought some awful things before, and I feel so fortunate that I met the right people who stopped me from going down that road before I got too far. Not with hostility or arguments, but honest and kind discussions and insights.

//As fans and as people in general, we can, should, and need to be better. That’s why I don’t want my space to be full of hate and bullying, but just storytelling and creative discussions, where people are welcome to express their opinions, and even if we disagree, that’s alright. We’ve at least gained some insight into each others’ views ^^

//Compassion and wisdom are what I consider the most important virtues, and being more critical of ourselves is how I think we can solve the issue of fandom toxicity. That’s what I’ve tried to apply here. My goal is just to tell a good story for you all to enjoy here, and I appreciate each and every one of you who’ve followed, liked, reblogged, or even just considered any of my posts worthwhile to read

//And if you made it all the way through this, I hope you’ll consider everything I’ve said here as well. You can’t change every single toxic person out there, but you can change yourself for the better and encourage others to do the same.

#mod talks #mod rambles #a student out of time #I didn't have any bad experiences recently I promise #this has just been on my mind for a while and I felt like sharing #Anonymous

20 notes · View notes

ocular-intercourse · 4 years

Text

okay @mangosandchili 14 OC questions instead of 16 cause ned picked the other two 🙏

actually.. let me split this character-wise so I won’t take 100 years

finn gets first draw always

🌲 What is the kindest thing your OC has ever done for someone? What is the kindest thing someone has ever done for them? On the flip side, what is the worst thing your OC has done to another person?

Hmm hm kindness seems like a weird concept to think about for Finn. Cause yeah, he is excessively, self-sacrificingly kind, but he can also turn that off pretty easily when the other end does not deserve it in his eyes. The kindest thing he has ever done, continues to do sometimes, absolutely misplaced, is caring for his father, not giving up on him. Back when they were still living together, when his dad was too drunk to function, he’d clean him up, clean up around him, sober him up, even after the beatings started, forgiving him over and over. The kindest thing someone did to him was probably his mom getting him out of that situation.

The worst thing he has done to somebody else.. what an absolute nightmare question for Finn hasdghj. Take your pick between not magically being able to keep Kitty alive, continuously cheating on Emily like the single greatest asshole in the world or leaving Shawn straight after he tried to kill himself… he’d probably be able to come up with some other things that seem to be true in his eyes but might not be quite as bad as he sees them.

🌳 What does your OC do when they see others upset or in pain? An upset friend? A stranger?

He helps. Stops what he is doing and runs to help the more he loves the person. He could be standing on the court of some major tournament and drop the bat to go and help one of his loved ones, you can call him in the middle of the night and be sure to count on his help. Nothing in his own personal life can be more important than helping a friend in distress, so he’ll almost always put himself second. And if he does not, for whatever reason, no matter how justified, he’ll feel guilty about it. The same goes for strangers, in a way, of course not quite as extreme. But if he’d see someone in need of help, he won’t walk past it. He’s the type of person, when you’re in public and something happens that makes everyone uncomfortable, makes them pointedly stare someplace else or walk off hurriedly, he’d be the one to step in with no regard to his personal safety. He’d be the guy trying to safe someone from getting hit with a car, or step in between fights, argue with the police, make sure a person gets home safe.. But he also thinks ahead about what he could do for people. I made a post a while back about him being the kind of person to bring homeless people warm drinks and shoes in winter. I’m not quite sure what drives him, I think it’s one part his personal experience, knowing how it feels when nobody helps, but also him feeling guilty, feeling like he is a burden and a bad person and he needs to counterweight somehow.

🌿 What is something true about your OC that they refuse to admit about themselves? Is there any reason to this besides embarrassment?

He will NOT. EVER. let people tell him he is/would be a good father. He is though, he’s been practically raising his little half-brother since he was three (he’s seven now) since his mother is.. uh.. not exactly full-time mom material. And the kid is so good, he’s great actually, smart as hell, already running circles around him, skipped some classes (actually I’m thinking about it more and more but what used to be a he when i came up with him might actually be a trans girl but we’ll see so I’m sticking with describing Bryant as him atm, that’d be something that develops in the story in the future). But if somebody tells him what a good job he did/does with Bryant Finn would shut that down immediately. And then go and cry about it. He gets really panicky about the thought of being a father, since fathers in his family have traditionally not been especially great at it. There are arguments between him and Shawn, who says that Finn worrying so much about being a good father would already make him a hell of a better father than he ever had.

🍃 Describe a regular day for your OC. What is their schedule (if they have one).

He’s developed a pretty good routine since he went pro, which helps a lot with his moods and all. He will get up early, 7-ish, go for a run, come home, make breakfast, a lot, cause he has to eat constantly to keep mass. Then it’s time for some “paperwork”, organizing stuff, calls with sponsors and partners and whoever wants something of him, photoshoots, interviews, collabs. Cooking, eating. Meeting with his trainer, training or training solo. Depending on the day picking up Bryant from school and hanging out with him/meeting his sister/mother/other friends. Cooking, eating. On every other day streaming, mostly some games, sometimes cooking, sometimes just hanging out with fans. Mania/depression will of course throw some wrenches in there but he’s been pretty good at keeping things together lately. If he’d be back with Shawn he’d also trim all the job stuff down a bunch, a lot of his excessive training atm is very much just to keep himself occupied.

🍁 What is your OC’s most traumatic experience? (If they don’t have just one traumatic experience either pick one or describe them all!)

Ha, laughing at the describe them all.. let’s not. The biggest is definitely losing Kitty. It has completely, both positively and negatively, marked his life. It made him develop his strict anti-drug stance and the focus on sticking things through to avoid hurting his family. Sometimes he thinks back to it, if Kitty would not have died, who he would have become. He’s mostly sure he’d be the one who had killed himself instead, without the trauma of losing her he would not have thought about what that would do to others as much. He’d most definitely be an addict in one way or another. He would not like himself very much. He also ABSOLUTELY hates that thought cause he can’t bare seeing anything positive in her death, he refuses to think about it that way. He’d bring her back in a heartbeat, regardless of what that would do to him. So instead he is much more focused on the fear of losing his loved ones, of somehow being responsible for it either directly or indirectly by not seeing it and not helping.

🍄 How would your OC react to the death of a friend/family member/loved one? Is there anyone they can confide in?

Oh boy how fitting. It was already the absolute worst thing to happen to him, knocked him out for quite a while, people had to babysit him constantly, he dropped out of school, it took him a lot of time and energy to resemble a human being again. If it would happen again I think he would just stop functioning. He wants to follow but promised himself not to, so he can’t, but that does not make him feel better. I think he would have to be hospitalized in some way or another, stay in a clinic for a while. Other than that Shawn and Raphael would be the ones he would confide in the most. His sister too, in a way, but with her he would be much more worried about putting all this negative shit on her.

🌾 What would your OC be like if they were evil. Or if they’re already evil what would they be like as the good guy?

Oh I’m excited about this question for some of the others lol. It’s really hard to picture Finn as an evil person. He sure likes to believe he’s an unlovable asshole but he’s really not, that’s at the core of his character. Evil Finn would have married Emily and been an asshole about it, cheating and not being safe about it. He’d be a drug dealer probably, that’s the worst thing regular Finn could imagine himself to be. He’d just be bitter and aggressive and living it out, enjoying dragging others into the muck with him.

💐 How would your OC react to somebody telling them that they love them? (+ bonus give another characters/OC name!)

Definitely depends on whether the intention is platonic or romantic. Emily and Raphael showing romantic interest would just make him sad? Melancholic? Guilty. Cause he wants to make them happy, but he can’t give them what they want, even if he loves them, he does not love them that way. Shawn telling him he loves him would just.. break a dam, he’d definitely cry and be absolutely overwhelmed and relieved. Also a little scared. Anybody else saying it would just prompt him to, uh, probably stop seeing them. Flight instinct. He is so not over what happened between him and Shawn he will run for the hills at any sign of a potential relationship.

🌷 What does your OC hate about themself? What lies about themself do they believe? On the flip side, What does your OC love about themself?

I love these questions, they were very much made for the way I write characters lol. Especially Finn, cause a lot of him is just being tortured by his brain and him knowing that, but still believing in it. He focuses on the bad things he has done, and there’s been a bunch, a lot of it definitely fueled by being bipolar, but he can’t accept that as a reason, he does not want to make excuses for his actions. So he just sees how he has hurt people in the past and deduces that he has to be an asshole. It is really hard to convince him otherwise. Even if he logically can understand that it is unlikely that people think this way about him, it’s still an underlying fear beneath everything and always some part of his motivation. So he’s weak, and a coward and selfish and a burden, unlovable. He definitely hates being impulsive and aggressive sometimes, there’s been a hundred times when he was in a fight, an unnecessary fight he couldn’t keep himself from starting, and saying things/doing things he did not mean to. He hates this fact, that he can lose control like that, it scares him.

On the flipside, he is somewhat narcissistic. If he does not hate himself for a second he considers himself to be pretty damn great. He prides himself on the way he takes care of other people. On how far he’s come, both mentally and professionally. He knows he’s a good musician, a good cook. He’s the kind of person that would refuse to work with others in a group project cause he knows he’s insufferable and would not be happy with other people’s work affecting his evaluation. He can’t watch other people do things he would do a different way without wanting to step in and correct them. But all of that ego is just a balloon that pops pretty quickly and he’s back to believing he’s the worst at everything.

🥀 What is something your OC blames themselves for and is it really their fault? Does it keep them up at night and is there any lingering trauma?

I like how these questions are all just building up on one another. He blames himself for not seeing how miserable Kitty had been, for having her persuade him to travel without her when he kinda knew he should probably worry about her, for not somehow having been able to, I don’t know, just know what was going to happen and act differently, or just generally for not being enough of a good force in her life for her to cling on to. That’s all just doubling down when Shawn tries to kill himself and he once again feels like it was his personal failure. Not being good enough or attentive enough, probably even being part of the reason why. There’s a whole lot of trauma there. Of course none of it is true. Kitty knew exactly how attentive Finn had been to her, it’s the reason she made sure he was away when she went through with it. The same goes for Shawn, where the reason was exactly the opposite of killing themselves because Finn was not enough, but rather because Finn was too much, too good, and they would just be bad for him if they would stay alive. Finn can’t see that angle, at all, if he did he would not accept it. It keeps him up in his worst nights. If/when he gets back together with Shawn it would be a major fear for him, Shawn having a relapse, Shawn dying of an overdose, intentional or not, Shawn getting to such a low point again without him realizing or being able to do anything about it. I imagine he would sometimes get a bit hysteric about stuff, if he does not know what Shawn is currently doing or something seems off, he is really good at working himself up into a frenzy about small stuff that feeds into his worst fears.

🌺 In what situation would your OC be pushed to commit an act of violence? Would they go as far to kill someone if they had to? How would this affect them and their relationships with others?

Well he’s certainly been in a bunch of fights, cause he’s provocative, he’s great at making people lose it, sometimes intentional sometimes not. He’s also not good at not reacting to provocation himself. Racism certainly feeds into that a lot. He’s had some manic phases where he was very much looking for fights. I think he would be able to kill someone, but only in the moment and only if it’s to protect himself or somebody else. He would not deal with it all too well, it would haunt him. He would think about that person having a life, a family, loved ones of their own. He would think about putting an end to somebody’s consciousness, that last fading moment, it’s all over, because of him, and he can’t take that back. I feel like the people around him would never be able to punish him for it as much as he would do himself. If he would have killed for Shawn’s sake, he, Shawn, would probably struggle a bit with accepting what has happened, because of him, what Finn had to do, because of him. He would be angry for a while, directed at Finn and himself. Finn would not be able to handle that very well, he can’t bare the thought of being hated be Shawn, he is so scared of being seen as bad, even though part of him has himself convinced that people see him this way anyways. He’s just scared of confirming what he already suspects.

🌸 What would your OC do if they were given god-like powers or the ability to change anything about the world for a whole day?

I think Finn would have a lot of problems with that timeframe. Cause there is not a lot of things god-like powers are worth of that would make sense for such a short amount of time. He would think about ending hunger and homelessness, discrimination, racism, the entire system, he would bring Kitty back, he would want to make everything okay.. but only for a day?? And then go back to square one? We would rather not change anything than have something great for a second only for it to be taken away again. So it would all be about creating a nice experience with the people he loves, allowing them all to do something they have wanted to do their whole lives.

🌼 Describe one of your OC’s worst nightmares.

Oh I think I mentioned them all already. Family members and close friends dying, or other terrible things happening to them. Alternatively finding out that everybody hates him and he’s hurt all the people he loves without realizing it, that they all think he and his moods are a burden and they’d all be happier without him.

🌻 What advice would your OC give to their younger self? What advice does your OC need now?

Don’t try to stick to how you think things are supposed to be as much versus doing what you actually want to do. Don’t bend and break yourself to fit some sort of premade mold that society created for you. He has done a lot of hurtful things to himself and others only cause he tried to play by the rules. He dated Emily for much longer, trying to present himself as straight, than he should have, experimenting on the side and hurting her that way. He excused his father’s behavior way too much, being the filial son he’s supposed to be, cause it’s family and family sticks together and forgives. He’s hated himself so much for his illness, trying to force it away instead of accepting that it’s there and acting accordingly to get a better grip on it. He still hasn’t outed himself to his father or the world, since he became somewhat famous, because he’s really insecure about it changing the way people will look at him. That’s probably what he could use good advice on these days. He knows, somewhere, that he should out himself, that it is a fantastic thing to do, in his position, to work towards change. He’s just not quite ready to pay the price and he feels awfully guilty about it. Someone should tell him about all the people he could be representing, but also about how much living his life without hiding anything will free him.

#mangosandchili #ocs #finn #he sounds way more unhappy than he actually is these days!!!#tho it's always kinda one harsh blow away from falling apart sooo #long post

4 notes · View notes

spectral-ask-memes · 4 years

Note

🥊🍅💥🏀☀️🌙⭐🍏💧🔮🌸🌺 💜💗💗💗 for either your favorite oc or your least favorite! or both!

i almost said montresor was my least favourite which is Such A Lie because i accidentally got attached and i’m very glad he ends up being Significantly Less Bad than he initially was

anyways. it’s all under the cut (crossing my fingers that it actually works properly) (and i think i’ll answer for annabel and arthur)

🥊 Does your OC prefer to take the lead or follow orders? With everyone or just with certain people? Is there a reason for this?

annabel doesn’t really... choose? she’s fairly smart and tends to consider that the things they’re all going to do will have an effect on other people and what will happen later. she ends up being one of the bigger characters and part of the main group that actually Knows What’s Going On and, by extension, somewhat a leader?

arthur was more of a leader back when he was sailing, and as he got older he was more okay with sitting back and letting things happen. granted, that also possibly got him killed (well, not really. but if you go with the original story, it is)

🍅 How easily is your OC embarassed? What subjects make them flush and why? What event has made your OC the most embarassed they’ve ever been?

i would say that annabel lee isn’t embarrassed too easily? she knows what she’s done, and the embodiment of death is willing to actually physically fight someone for her. that’s not to say that she can’t be embarrassed, though

arthur... just doesn’t tell you. you can’t find anything to make him embarrassed simply because you don’t know anything about him. he’s very good at keeping it as secretive as possible (not necessarily on purpose. he probably thought he told montresor)

💥 Are there any emotions your OC doesn’t know how to deal with, doesn’t understand or hates having to feel? Any reason behind this?

annabel lee tries to be happier, at least in the first part, and tries to just. ignore negative emotions. but she eventually learns how to deal with the more negative emotions. in the first part, she’s also not quite sure about montresor--she loves him, and at that point they’re almost like cousins or siblings. but at one point, it seems as if montresor has just been going around and committing Crimes (they think he’s murdering people.) and she has to figure out how to work through the “he’s practically my brother and i don’t know that he would do this?” and what appears to be in front of her (it ends up okay though). because i personally find emotions difficult and have trouble putting words to them it is also difficult for me to put the right words in the correct order, but i think that this is (at the very least, for a segment of the story) a good summary

arthur,,, i honestly don’t know that we get enough of him to tell? probably the emotions he didn’t express. wait that’s more of a Regret? so then, arguably, affection, but he’s spent time trying to work through that (and raised Montresor, and did a fairly decent job of it, in the end)

🏀 Does your OC have any skills that people wouldn’t expect them to have? Do they have a hobby or pass time that others would consider strange or weird? How did they learn this particular skill or pick up this hobby?

people probably look at annabel and expect her to be Very Soft (which, yeah, she is, she’s a very kind and affectionate person). but she’s also very much a badass? she likes swimming and rock/shell collecting, and also found that she enjoyed helping dupin with Investigating quite a bit

arthur likes to sail. he enjoys exploring and Not-Dying.

☀️ How well does your OC take care of themself? Do they tend to put others before their own wellbeing and if so how often? What is their favourite way to pamper themself?

annabel lee!! is very much!! a person that thinks self care is important!! and i love her!! so much!! she does try to take care of others, but she’s also learned that she needs to have Limits and take care of herself too.

arthur went from “probably selfish, puts himself above others” to “adopted a little boy who was abandoned by his father and would now give him almost anything probably” and we love that development, except that sometimes it might possibly be bad? as in, it helps play into the “Montresor Actually Murdered Him” narrative (as well as possibly the real narrative, in which arthur got sick and probably sent montresor away so that he wouldn’t catch it, which plays into some Other Things that we don’t need to get into right now because it’s. a lot)

🌙 What are some of your OC’s favourites? Favourite food, colour, season, stuff like that! Give some general simple facts that tend to get overlooked!

annabel lee likes cookies, pastel colours (pink/blue/yellow/purple specifically, and also some brighter ones? it depends sometimes), and spring. she likes to garden, i think! she and her fiancee have a nice house and a garden that they work on together and it’s very good :) (also, i like to think that she and her girlfriend [now fiancee] probably tried to propose to each other at the same time)

arthur probably also likes cookies but thinks brownies are neat too, he likes blue/grey/green/gold/magenta, and summer. he also adopted montresor after montresor’s mother died and his father abandoned him, so that’s Very Good Content. arthur really is doing his best,,, (it’s also taken me until this question to realise that i do have a least favourite, and that least favourite is either prospero [MURDERED] or fortunato [MURDERED] but it’s okay)

⭐ Does your OC like to sleep alone or do they enjoy sharing their bed? Have they been to any sleepovers? Have they ever been camping? What did they think of the experiences if so?

annabel lee! very much enjoys cuddling!! she likes to have the Friend Group over for big sleepovers and they probably have big cuddle piles (and they deserve them, honestly). i think all of the characters have sort of been camping? in her case, it was probably with lenore and dupin

arthur tends to sleep alone, save for a few times at sea. he has been camping, and probably took montresor a few times when he was a child.

🍏 When your OC says “I had a bad day” what does that tend to mean? Is it really as bad as they’re saying or are they being a bit dramatic?

when annabel lee says she had a bad day, it means that she definitely had a bad day (although there are probably some occasions on which she might be being a little dramatic, because that’s fun sometimes)

arthur won’t tell you how his day is going, because it probably slips his mind. he’s got a lot he’s trying to take care of, and really, he doesn’t have that many bad days now?

💧 What is something from your OC’s past they’re the most ashamed of and why? What is something they’re really proud of? And lastly what is something in their past that could make them shake with dread?

annabel lee is probably ashamed of the time montresor was convinced she was dead (although that wasn’t her fault). she’s proud of her friend group and how they’ve managed half of what they did.

arthur is ashamed of some of the things he did while sailing (i’m still finishing his backstory + reading the thing for him and stuff). he’s proud of his son and raising him :,)

🔮What does your OC think is their best trait. What is actually their best trait? What about their flaws? Are they one to admit these flaws or do they like to pretend they’re perfect?

i’m going to be honest: i haven’t really thought about what they think their best and worst traits are, simply because it hasn’t come up yet in the story? but:

annabel lee probably thinks her best trait is her memory? she makes a point to remember certain details about her friends, and also things for helping with cases. really, though, she’s also incredibly brave (pluto straight up tells her they’re the embodiment of death, and instead of being terrified, she tells them that it’s cool and asks if they’d like a cookie. i love her). going hand in hand with her bravery, though, it can lead to her being a bit reckless at times? she’s a bit hesitant to admit it, but she will.

arthur is willing to listen and change if he needs to, and is wiling to educate himself. i would agree that it’s probably his best trait (again, we don’t get a Lot of him, especially not where i’m at in the story right now, though). his worst trait is arguably how much trust he can put into people now.

🌸 What’s a sentence that would make your OC’s day better? One that would make them laugh? One that would make their day worse? Why? What words would you have to say to them to completely ruin their day?

for annabel lee, the first really varies. probably something along the lines of “we were successful/didn’t die”. there are many sentences that could make her laugh, depending on who said them and the way they were said. she does find the initial conversation about victor amusing, though, i think (i’m still working on that scene). also how pluto references various other works of literature, she finds some of those amusing. i think one of her (and my own, if i’m being entirely honest) favourites is probably when pluto stops mid-sentence while they’re talking about something important and just kind of goes. “wait. are those two guys still waiting? we have to make sure, we can’t let godot get there”. one that would ruin her day is almost definitely someone else dying or getting injured.

arthur is an enigma, even to me. but in somewhat seriousness: he’d probably be happier if someone told him something good happened, in general? like montresor telling him about making a new friend. he is also rather amused by the fact that montresor has dated a fair share of his friend group (and one of them was on accident). he was pretty bummed about getting murdered/sick and dying.

🌺 What additions would your OC make to their body if they could? Lets say, if they don’t have a tail would they want one? Wings? Horns? Do they wish they could shapeshift?

annabel lee is working through learning to love herself as she is, and would rather Not. she wants wings. and is definitely planning on tattoos, if she doesn’t already have some, probably. she thinks being able to shapeshift would be Neat.

there was a time when arthur wanted to be able to breathe underwater.

💗 Ramble a bit about this character!

god,,, i just love annabel,,, so much,,, she’s very good!!!! she’s my badass child and i love her so much. pluto almost definitely fights someone for her. honestly most of this has just been me rambling about her

#not an ask game #not an ask meme #not a request #ask #i answered a thing

3 notes · View notes

etatmagique · 4 years

Text

❝ the simple things are also the most extraordinary things, and only the wise can see them. ❞

( alisha boe, genderfluid, they/them ) · for a half-blood/werewolf, i’d call you lucky for not picking a side. why fight for what’s right versus what’s easy when you can just sit down, right claudia samatar ? i mean, a twenty-four year old potioneer knows better than to get involved in political affairs, especially a horned serpent from ilvermorny. didn’t i hear that at school people used to describe you as adroit and secretive. staying neutral is always harder than it initially seems. ( the smell of blooming lilies of the valley in the spring, softly running your fingers through your child’s hair, the calmness of a beautiful and bright starry sky you’re looking up at far away from any big city, refusing to get your eyesight fixed because you love wearing glasses too much, re-reading a book so often yet taking such good care of it that it doesn’t even show in its physical quality & sun rays piercing through the clouds after a rainy day / sam )

— ♡ CHARACTER PARALLELS ( MOST LIKE ) :: Amy Santiago ( Brooklyn Nine-Nine ) + C3PO ( Star Wars ) + Nina Sayer ( Black Swan ) + Temperance Brennan ( Bones ) + Lisa Simpson ( The Simpsons ) + Spencer Hastings ( Pretty Little Liars ) + Burton Guster ( Psych ) + Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow ( Marvel ) + Lois Lane ( DC Comcis ) + Monica Geller ( F.R.I.E.N.D.S. ) !!

— ♡ CHARACTER PARALLELS ( LEAST LIKE ) :: Ash Ketchum ( Pokemon ) - Naruto Uzumaki ( Naruto ) - Titus Andromedon ( The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt ) - Phoebe Buffay ( F.R.I.E.N.D.S. ) - Joey Tribbiani ( F.R.I.E.N.D.S. ) - Bart Simpson ( The Simpsons ) - Gina Linetti ( Brooklyn Nine-Nine ) - Olaf ( Frozen ) - Bridget Jones ( Bridget Jones’s Diary ) - Michael Scott ( The Office )

TRIGGER WARNINGS THAT CAN BE FOUND BELOW THE CUT: Pregnancy.

STATS PAGE + CONNECTIONS + PINTEREST BOARD

i’m not including a tldr in this intro bc lazy(tm), but if you want a lil summary, you can just ask me for it and i’ll write one for you !

backstory.

Claudia is the child of a healer and a muggle doctor. Both their parents were very busy whilst they and their younger siblings were growing up, and yet, Claudia’s parents always managed to make time for their children. They were strict, always expecting a lot from Claudia and their siblings, but there was never any doubts that the Samatars loved their children.

All in all, Claudia had a pretty eventless childhood. They were happy, had all they needed, and though there were some rougher patches in their life, especially around puberty, they generally were very happy.

Their extended maternal family was from Montréal, and every summer, Claudia and their siblings spent at least a month there with their grandparents, which Claudia looked forward to every year. Their grandparents got them to travel all around Québec, whilst also discovering Montréal itself, and Claudia loved traveling around the province with them. It was there, when they were thirteen, that Claudia was bitten and turned into a werewolf. They were camping in Mont-Tremblant, and Claudia had made some friends they had figured out were from the wizarding community too (but went to Beauxbâtons because they didn’t speak English). One night, Claudia sneaked out of the camping site with them to explore the woods, and the little group got attacked by a werewolf. They all made it out alive, though two of them were severely hurt, and the other three became werewolves (and were obviously hurt too).

At first, Claudia blamed themself very strongly for what happened to them, yes, but mostly for what happened to their new friends. Sure, they hadn’t been the one to present the idea of going out alone into the forest, but they hadn’t been the voice of reason like they usually were, and they felt extremely bad about that. They kept in touch with the rest of the group after that, and eventually, it was through talking to them that they managed to lessen their feeling of guilt.

Claudia was scared at first, to be honest. They had done a project about werewolf rights at Ilvermorny before they were turned, and truly cared about the rights of werewolves, but they had never considered what would happen to them if they were turned, and it was quite a shock. Mostly, the pain of transformations was the worst bit. After a while, their parents managed to find the right potions to make things better, and knew someone who could make the potion that would make transformations far less dangerous for everyone around, but the first few transformations were very painful, and Claudia had never dealt well with pain.

Luckily for them, they had a good support system, and though it wasn’t easy, they learned to live with their condition. In fact, they even ended up telling their friends at school about it in their last year, knowing fully well that the news would travel as one of the friends they had told couldn’t keep a secret no matter how much she respected Claudia.

In school, Claudia loved Potions class, and they had no hesitations before going into potion work after graduating. Not only did they actually really enjoy making potions, but they also loved the idea of being able to make the potion they needed for their transformations all by themself.

Now a freelance potioneer, Claudia sells most of their potions in various apothecaries and shops, and has a own line of products. It’s not super big yet, but they have a good sense of business, and with the help of their aunt (a well-accomplished businesswoman), they believe they might be able to make it bigger.

Last year, Claudia gave birth to their daughter, Aurora. At the time, Claudia had a serious boyfriend, but they’ve amiably broken up since (this is currently a fulfilled connection). They each have Aurora for a week, and Claudia agreed to let her ex have Aurora on Christmas, as Claudia has never cared much for Christmas, but insists on having her for New Years and Aurora’s birthday.

Claudia was a bit young to have a child, but they quickly got used to the judgmental stares, and only cared about it at the beginning. After all, being a werewolf, Claudia was used to judgmental people, and was quite good at detaching themself from others’ opinions. The only thing they did worry about was if their daughter would resent them for the fact that she’d necessarily inherit some werewolf traits, but Claudia has come to the conclusion that they’ll deal with that in time, if it ever becomes a problem for Aurora.

All in all, Claudia’s a good parent, although she’s obviously constantly learning and makes mistakes, just like all parents. Luckily enough for them, they’re currently living with their aunt in Manhattan, and though Julia (their aunt) doesn’t get involved in the raising of Aurora, she’s been a lot of help in general.

present day.

Claudia is genderfluid, and only realized that about two years ago. They prefer they/them pronouns, and at the moment, they prefer “feminine” nouns like witch, mother, queen, princess, aunt, sister, etc.

Claudia thought about doing something. After all, they want the world to be a safe place for Aurora, and so it would make sense to fight for that. However, they also want to be there for their daughter, and therefore have decided to stay neutral. For now.

personality.

Claudia is very down-to-earth and often finds themself being the voice of reason. They do enjoy having fun, though, although that fun often goes through reading, going to see theatre, older muggle movies, etc. They’re not much of a party person, and though they have a few very good friends, don’t really like spending time in big groups, which is why they work on their own. They do know they might have to hire more people if they want their business to grow, but to them, there’s a difference between employing people and having a billion friends.

To-the-point, Claudia says it how it is, and doesn’t stray from what they want to say very often. They’re very honest, and sometimes maybe a bit too honest. They’ve been working on that, though, as they really don’t mean and/or want to offend/hurt/wound others with their words.

Claudia doesn’t share much about themself, and can even be considered secretive. They keep to themself most of the time, and although they do open up to their few close friends, they never reveal more than what they think is necessary.

#macusahqs.intro #( claudia samatar. )#( claudia samatar | introduction. )#( claudia samatar | character development. )

3 notes · View notes

askdragonagecompanions · 5 years

Note

Could I have the DAI companions and advisers +romances, if you're up for it, reacting to the Inquisitor leaning against their shoulders, eventually falling asleep? (Text preferred, if possible)

Dorian: Maker knows the Inquisitor is always working so hard. Dorian can see it on their face, but they make it clear they don’t really want to talk about it. He’s not going to bring it up unless it really becomes a problem. The Inquisitor is one of his best friends, probably his only friend if he’s being honest. So when the Inquisitor leans against his shoulder in the library he doesn’t mind, smiling a bit to himself. It’s only a few minutes later when he discover’s they’ve fallen asleep. It’s a bit surprising but he’s not going to move they need sleep. Romanced: When he feels his amatus’s head against his shoulder he can’t help but smile. A soft chuckle escapes him and he presses a kiss to his temple. He lets the man doze off. He can see the exhaustion on his face. He won’t mention it because the Inquisitor is a stubborn man. Besides he wants to enjoy this moment, it’s quiet and comforting. He likes it.

Solas: He’s quite surprised when he feels the Inquisitor’s head against his shoulders. He has been getting closer with them. They… surpassed his expectations. He never expected to care about them and yet here he was. He was painting one of his murals so he was still a bit distracted. It was only when the pressure didn’t move from his shoulder. He sighs and looks at the Inquisitor to find that they’ve fallen asleep. He carefully sets his paints down before waking them up, “Inquisitor you need some rest.” If he didn’t have things to do he may have let them stay… No.He was already too close. He didn’t need to grow more attached to his friend the Inquisitor. Romanced: When they lean against his shoulder he can’t help but smile a bit. He doesn’t shy away or make them move, but when they don’t move after a few minutes he glances over again. So they’ve fallen asleep. He’s gentle as he wakes them up, keeping his voice quiet and escorting them to their room so they can get proper rest. They’ve been working themself too hard. It doesn’t take much convincing for him to at least lay down with them for a little while. After all… he didn’t know how much time he’d have left with them with his plans and all.

Vivienne: She lets out a long sigh when she feels the Inquisitor lean against her shoulders. She’s not mad, but a tad annoyed. They both have appearances to keep up and if the Inquisitor is just leaning about someone’s going to get the bright idea that the Inquisitor is weak. She gets a bit caught up in her book and when she goes to tell the Inquisitor to move she realizes they’re asleep. A small roll of her eyes she stands up straight, causing them to slip off. She makes sure they don’t fall and heavily suggests that they go take a nap. They work themself so hard. Self care is important too. Vivienne makes an appointment at the spa for them both. Maker knows the Inquisitor needs it.

Varric: Honestly he’s kind of used to it. Back in Kirkwall Hawke was quite cuddly and whenever they were tired they’d lean against someone or something. He can’t stop the small smile as the Inquisitor leans against his shoulders while he finishes up some writing for the night. What alerts him that they’ve fallen asleep is the small bit of snoring. He just rolls his eyes. Well, he’s still got some writing to work on. As long as the Inquisitor’s comfortable sleeping like that he can stay at his desk a bit longer.

Sera: At first she thinks that the Inquisitor had a bit too much too drink and isn’t holding it well. She giggles a bit. Her room in the Tavern is quite comfy and damn the Inquisitor needs a break. Fade crap and demons and shite? Yeah she’d be drinking a lot too. Then they fall asleep and now she’s got this lump of dead weight on her arm. It’d be cute if they weren’t snoring a bit. But on the bright side a sleeping person is great to do pranks on. Romanced: Her Inky works way too hard. Sera was going to suggest doing some pranks as she leaned against Sera, but then there was no response. Sera realizes that her inky is dead asleep and sighs. So pranks can wait for when she wakes up. Sera awkwardly moves them both to be laying down and pulls a blanket around them. The Inquisitor needs rest and cuddles are very nice.

Cole: Cole knows the Inquisitor is going to fall asleep on him before they even do. It makes him happy that they feel safe around him. They’re sitting in his little corner of the top floor of the tavern. He can feel their exhaustion and fatigue. So much work, so much pressure, but with him they don’t have to talk about that. Cole is fine with just sitting in the quiet and not talking, or talking about things that don’t stress the Inquisitor out. When he feels their head against him he just smiles a bit. The Inquisitor wakes up in their bed with a glass of warm tea and some food. They don’t remember how they got their or who made the tea, but they feel more rested than they have in a long time.

Iron Bull: Similar to Sera he first thinks that they had too much to drink after a long day. He saw their exhaustion when they entered the tavern. He doesn’t mind them leaning against him. In fact it’s sweet. He knew they were going to fall asleep anyways. The bar’s warm and they’ve got a drink in them. It’s been a long day on top of that. He makes sure to stay as still as he can and just make sure no one disturbs the Inquisitor. When they wake up they can go to their quarters to get some proper rest, but for now they need as much as they can get, obviously if they fell asleep against him in the noisy tavern. Romanced: His Kadan worried him sometimes with how much they worked themself. Still he’s happy to help them loosen up. Tonight they wanted a nice drink and to just cuddle which he was happy to provide. When he feels the head on his shoulder he wraps and arm around them and just pulls them close. It doesn’t take long for them to pass out, snoring a bit and dead asleep. He smiles at them and makes sure that no one even tries to wake up the Inquisitor. His Kadan needs their rest. Any paperwork or news can wait until they wake up.

Cassandra: She and the Inquisitor had been getting closer despite their initial rocky start. She considered them a great friend and hoped the feeling was mutual. They were both reading when she feels them lean against her. She raises a brow and glances over. They give her a sleepy grin and a mumbled apology, “Its… fine Inquisitor.” They nod and don’t move off of her. In minutes they’re asleep against her, their book in their lap. Cassandra doesn’t know what to do at first so she just goes back to reading. If they wake up she helps them up and to their room. Romanced: She loves reading to her love. At first she was embarrassed. She was a hardened warrior, a Seeker of the Chantry yet she absolutely cherished the worst of the romance novels. At least they liked to tease her about that. Still they enjoyed listening to her read it to them. It was a cold day outside so they were both in the Inquisitor’s room, the sun shining through the window and warming them up even further. The Inquisitor yawned again and just snuggled against her, their head on her shoulder. She gives them a soft smile, her cheeks just the slightest bit pink. When they fall asleep she just stops reading aloud and makes sure they’re wrapped in the blanket.

Blackwall: He’s quite surprised when he feels the Inquisitor lean against him. They were just watching him in work in the barn for a while. He didn’t mind. Word working was quite relaxing both in creating and watching it. For a moment he freezes. The Inquisitor mumbles an apology and starts to get up but he stops them, “It’s fine Inquisitor. I don’t mind. Just a bit of a surprise.” He promises. He really doesn’t mind. In fact he’s just happy they felt safe enough around him to let their guard down like that. When they fall asleep he sets his tools down and helps them to their room. The barn isn’t really a good place to sleep, especially not sitting up and leaning against someone. Romanced: When the Inquisitor leans against him he just smiles, pressing a soft kiss to their head. He keeps working until they fall asleep, then he sets his things down and help them into his bed. He tucks them under the blanket before curling around them. His work can wait a bit. Besides sometimes it was just nice to take a break and enjoy the little things. He falls asleep eventually as well.

Josephine: The Inquisitor had been talking with her while she worked for quite a while. Then they leaned against her and she just smiled, a bit confused. That’s when she noticed how tired they looked. She tells them that maybe her shoulders aren’t the best place to rest, yet they stay. When they start to doze off she sighs and makes sure the Inquisitor gets to their room. “We can talk later Inquisitor. You get some sleep.” Romanced: The Inquisitor wants her to take a break but she’s working on something very important. Granted most of the documents she had to look over were important. They relent and sit next to her, trying to help her work as best as they can. Eventually the Inquisitor starts to nod off. She feels their head on her shoulder. She sighs but there’s a smile on her face. She finishes up the last document she was working on before taking the Inquisitor to their room. “I suppose a break would not hurt.” She murmurs before cuddling her love

Cullen: The Inquisitor always seems to impress him. They work themself to the bone yet still have the time to check in on everyone and make sure they’re okay. The Inquisitor truly cares and it helps him greatly. He’s overcoming his lyrium addiction. It has many challenges but with the Inquisitor’s support he knows he can do it. When the Inquisitor comes into his office he doesn’t mind. They’re great company. Eventually their conversations start to grow tired. The Inquisitor kind of slumps against him. It makes him blush just a bit as they fall asleep. He does have work he needs to do, but he feels obligated to stay in place until they wake up on their own. The Inquisitor needs rest after all. Romanced: He’s always happy to have his love with him. They talk for a bit as he finishes his work for the day. The Inquisitor keeps telling him that he’s done enough and that they should just spend time together. He agrees, but he’s just got a few more reports to finish. They sigh and roll their eyes, leaning against his shoulder. Cullen gives them a small smile, kissing their temple before going back to work. When he finally finishes he realizes that the Inquisitor fell asleep. It makes him smile again. He only wakes them up to help them to their bed. He curls up next to them and holds them as they both drift off.

Leliana: She sees the signs well before it actually happens. Her agents have informed her that the Inquisitor has been more stressed as of late, not sleeping as much. When they lean against her she sighs, “Inquisitor it would be best for you to go to your chambers and get some proper rest.” Maybe in another time she wouldn’t have minded, but there was work to be done. She could not make a mistake and the Inquisitor needed rest.

179 notes · View notes

neurowonderful · 5 years

Video

youtube

Hello, friends. Let's talk about gifts! 🎁

"Maybe just give the person what they want? No? Too radical?"

This vlog is captioned 💛

(Warning and my apologies for the background hum/whine noise in this one. Transcript below the read-more.)

Autistic culture is starting any trip already exhausted from all the executive functioning and planning and decision making that goes into preparing for a trip. Which is what I’m currently doing. How am I? Yeah, no. It’s mostly that. I will talk about my trip, about where I went and what I did when I get back. What was I going to talk about?

[consults a notebook]

Yes. Gift giving. So there’s an autistic person in your life. An event is coming up, or maybe you just want to show them that you love them. So what do you do? You give them a gift. I don’t know why I’m doing this turning thing.

There’s this thing that happens where people struggle with buying gifts for autistic people. And I’ve noticed that their problems usually fall into one of three categories. The first is concepts of age appropriateness. Second is a feeling of not wanting to um encourage a certain interest. And the third is just feeling like they already have everything they could have related to that thing or that the person in question that you want to gift to has too much of something.

The easy one is age appropriateness and yet it’s a sticking point for a lot of people. So first of all, what I mean by age appropriate is when an autistic youth or adult likes something that is usually interested as being for younger people, for children. I know a lot of you are on board with me when I say that the concept of age appropriate gifts or age appropriate interests is just not cool. Even if you ignore the fact that it’s ableist, and um that people like different things and it’s okay to like things that are pure or wholesome or family friendly or for children as an adult- if you ignore all that it’s just kind of like a mean thing. To judge somebody else’s interests and decide “That’s for children, you’re not allowed to enjoy it anymore.

[looking out from behind an armful of stuffed animal toys] I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the sound of my happiness.

It’s ridiculous right? To say that you can’t like stuffed animals [holds up a stuffed sloth toy] or a certain television show or a cartoon or whatever it is. Music, movies, anything. To say that somebody shouldn't like it or that it’s embarrassing or “cringey” because they do, that’s not cool. I don’t stand for that. So I’m not even going to ask you to consider why you think that some things are age inappropriate or why you might feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. I’m just going to tell you to get over it. [holds up stuffed sloth toy once more] So, don’t be a jerk. Moving on.

And so the second thing, which I’m sandwiching in the middle because it’s kind of the meanest and worst of the reasons that people struggle with gifting autistic people stuff is because they don’t want to encourage a certain interest. This once again falls into the realm of, who asked you? It’s not a gift for you. Why are you being mean? Gift giving is a little bit about the gift giver but it is much more about the recipient. The act of giving a gift is what feels nice. By having hang ups on what you want to encourage, what interests are cool or okay, then you are actually ruining the experience for yourself. Maybe just give the person what they want? No? Too radical?

If someone collects rocks and they want a cool rock you get out there and you find a cool rock. To me, again, very simple, and yet a lot of people have a problem with it. They don’t think it’s a normal interest or they don’t understand it. But you don’t have to understand something to respect it. Please do respect it.

And lastly, this is a very practical issue in some ways. And this is where we have an autistic child or an autistic spouse or roommate, somebody that you have to live with and they already have a lot of stuff. My suggestion then is to give experiences or to give consumables, things that will be used up. Themed treats or foods or cool shaped candles. Things that will be used up and won’t necessarily take a permanent place in the home but that are still themed or related to that person’s interest. And then they get to enjoy that. You get to give the gift, you get to be happy, they get to be happy, everybody’s happy!

So for example, I really love cats. Taking me to a cat café would be an absolutely amazing gift. I would love that. This one requires a little bit of brainstorming but I do highly recommend um either giving consumables related to a person’s interests, things that will be used up, or giving experiences if you are worried about the accumulation of things or if the person themself feels like they have enough physical objects. Enough books, enough tee shirts, whatever.

And basically everything I just said can be summed up with a simple, It’s not your place to judge what makes somebody happy. Your job as a gift giver is to give a gift that will be enjoyed. You don’t have to understand what is enjoyed to respect it.

Marvin came home so uh I went to go say hi to him and now I’m back for a slight change in tone to conclude this vlog. I would like to you about something that’s very important to me.

As a Métis person, as an Indigenous person in Canada, I would like to say conclusively and firmly that I stand with Unist'ot'en Camp and I think you should too. If you care about what’s right and if you care about protecting the environment and about social justice and about supporting our water protectors then please check out the links that I am going to put in the video description. Unist'ot'en Camp released a kind of FAQ and like what you need to know handbook to support them. And what they need and how you can help. And if you can, if it financially doable for you, please consider giving to the legal fund for the water protectors who were arrested simply for protecting their own territory, their own land, from unlawful invasion.

And real quick I want to give a shout out to something I recommend. It is an app called the Emergency Chat app. It is by my friend Seph, I will link to that as well in the video description.

And now wish me luck because it is time to finish packing. Thank you very much for watching and I hope you have a wonderful day.

#actuallyautistic #autistic #actually autistic #autism #neurowonderful #neurowondervlog #captioned #video

180 notes · View notes

fireslostchild · 4 years

Note

Odd questions for me.

001. When is their birthday?

November 12th, 1988

003. Does your character like coffee better, or tea?

Coffee all day. Seriously. She’ll drink coffee all damn day.

005. Are they in good health?

Her health is in alright shape.

007. Is your character an optimist or a pessimist?

Optimist. She always try to somehow find something at least funny about a situation.

009. Do they believe in happy endings?

She’s starting to believe in them again.

011. How would your character court the person of their dreams?

...She doesn’t even understand how anyone goes about that beyond Shakespearean plays.

013. Have they ever been bullied or teased?

When she was in school, yeah. She seriously fucked up the curve, and always did assignments early and stuff like that, and almost never made a bad mark. In Korea, it was a little bit worse during secondary because she was the foreigner who was coming in and ruining shit at a private school.

015. Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue?

Depends on the person, really. Strangers and friends? Her fists. A lover? Her tongue.

017. When does your character think that violence is justified or deserved?

When she’s been backed into a corner. Well, NOW that’s her stance on it.

019. If they could have a superpower, what would they choose?

Invisibility. Both so she could hide and be nosey.

021. How do they display affection?

In all the ways possible.

023. What do they consider beautiful in others physically?

Eyes and hands.

025. What do they consider beautiful in others personality-wise?

Their strength, and how they use it. Some people use it as an excuse to be a jerk, but if they can come away from something horrible and still be kind to other people, then it’s absolutely beautiful.

027. What is their idea of perfect happiness?

Not feeling like everything is a simple push away from crashing.

029. What sort of sense of humor does your character have?

Dark and obnoxious.

031. Are they superstitious about anything?

More than she’d like to admit.

033. Do they keep their promises?

She deliberately refuses to make promises that she’s even iffy on being able to keep. So a promise from Jae is a rare thing, really.

035. What is the most important rule your character lives by?

Don’t take your life for granted. She grew up seeing it herself that you can have something one day, but no more the next, and there was no guarantee it’d come back.

037. If your character saw someone drop a large sum of money and knew that they could probably take it without anyone noticing, what would they do?

She would flag the person down and return it. No matter how hard up she is, she would look at that money as someone elses life savings. So, they might need it more than she does. She’d fight with it for a minute, but ultimately she would return it.

039. What do they think is the worst thing that can be done to a person?

Betraying their trust.

041. Are they comfortable with technology?

She’s comfortable enough with it.

043. What will they stand up for?

She’ll stand up for other people, even if it means she’ll get her own ass kicked in the process.

045. Does your character have any chronic medical conditions?

She has a nasty back injury still and probably a few more injuries that she doesn’t bother getting treatment for either. Doctors are the worst for her.

047. What was the last medical problem your character had?

The last major problem was when she went too long without eating and actually had to spend time in the hospital.

049. How does your character feel about growing old?

She is actually incredibly terrified of it.

051. If they knew they would die tomorrow, what would they do today?

She would spend every minute she could with Gordon and Aleksi.

053. What is your character’s greatest strength?

Her ability to somehow always bounce back.

055. Is your character an introvert or an extrovert?

She’s more of an extrovert, really.

057. Has your character ever killed anyone?

It was officially ruled an ‘accident’.

061. Does your character prefer adventure or safety and security?

Adventure.

063. How well does your character handle difficult people?

Uhm...She can handle them in a professional manner, but otherwise she’d much rather blow them off.

065. Is your character better at leading or following? Which do they prefer?

She does both. It depends on the situation as to which she’ll do.

067. Does your character believe in fate or destiny?

She does. She believes heavily in fate, and it actually gives her a more positive outlook on life.

069. What about your character is heroic?

A lot of people seem to obsess on the fact that she survived her first husband, and later went on to raise a kid on her own. She doesn’t really see it as heroic, though.

071. How kind is your character?

She can be very kind. She tries to put kindness first until her trust is broken.

073. In a novel, what plot role would your character fill? (hero, anti-hero, sidekick, villain, etc.)

She would be the loud mouth sidekick.

075. Is your character ticklish?

VERY ticklish.

077. How often do they cry? Over what?

She cries more than she’ll ever admit to the world. Lately it’s been good crying, though.

079. How easy is it for them to read the emotions of others?

It is almost impossible for her to read other people.

081. Is your character religious?

No. She used to be, until her mother’s passing and she went into a huge anger phase that is now just a questioning phase.

083. What is the first thing they say and/or do when they wake up?

Curses the sunlight as she climbs out of bed to go to the bathroom.

085. Describe your character in three words.

Bright and Loud.

087. How would your character describe themself in three words?

Loud and Obnoxious.

089. How vocally expressive is your character?

Very.

091. What type of music does your character like?

She prefers rock and metal, mostly from the 80s/90s, but she also listens to damn near anything else. It would be absolute hell if anyone went through her spotify or mp3s.

093. What is your character’s goal in life?

To make sure her son and future children grow up to be really decent members of society, without being blind little sheep.

095. Name three things most would not expect your character to be able to do.

She can understands Shakespearean English, she really enjoys having her nails done, and she loves apple gummies.

097. How well do they adapt to change?

She’s used to it, so she adapts pretty well.

099. Do they talk to inanimate objects?

Yes. She even thanks them and apologizes.

1 note · View note

bethkerring · 5 years

Text

10 Tips on Writing Asexuality

It’s been a long, long twelve years since I first realized I was asexual.

I’m one of the fortunate ones that realized my lesser-known orientation without having to go through years of confusion, uncertainty, and experimentation (because while some might enjoy that, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn’t have). I was fourteen when I first came across the term and thought it might apply to me, and shortly before I turned fifteen, I officially claimed it as my own.

A lot has changed since then. When I first came out, there was almost nothing out there for asexuals. There was the AVEN website, a few blog posts, and even fewer YouTube videos, but the word basically didn’t exist in common knowledge, even among people who identified as LGBTQ+. Any fiction that included ace characters was almost exclusively unconfirmed, and left up to fans to compile lists of evidence that a certain character was probably asexual—which was usually ignored by the majority of fans, who wanted to see the character in sexual situations, and often later brushed aside by the creators.

Now, asexuality is more and more recognized by the popular media and the general public. Visibility is still lacking, but we’re recognized by major LGBTQ+ organizations, represented (to a small extent) in Pride events, and increasingly represented as characters in TV shows, books, movies, etc. I’ve even found random strangers recognizing the asexual pride button on my purse—and I live in the Bible Belt.

And it’s a great feeling. Every time I see another ace character in popular media, I get a little burst of joy to see someone like me—at least in this one way, if not in others. I’m especially glad to see good representation, especially after years of representation that was questionable at best (Sherlock still comes to mind) and harmful at worst (does anyone remember that episode of House?). I’m also thrilled to see that non-asexual people are really interested in doing ace representation right and are reaching out to asexuals to get their take on what they want to see.

So I thought I would include my perspective on writing asexual characters, because frankly, everyone’s experience and viewpoint is a little difference, and I hope this conversation continues with as many diverse voices as possible.

I hope these tips are helpful and make you at least a little more confident about including ace characters in your own work!

1. Watch out for stereotypes, but don’t throw them out the window. This is almost certainly confusing, so let me explain: I often see people try so hard to avoid stereotypical traits in asexual characters that they forget that aces are incredibly diverse. Yes, not all asexuals are aromantic, but some are. Yes, not all asexuals hate close physical contact, but some do. Yes, not all asexuals are shy or socially awkward, but some are. Yes, not all asexuals have seventeen cats, but some do. Yes, not all asexuals are repulsed by sex, but some are. And the list goes on. You should absolutely be aware if a character trait you’ve chosen is stereotypical, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you should avoid it, especially if you have more than one asexual character. Be aware of it, but focus on writing a well-rounded, realistic character over avoiding every stereotype in the book. No matter what trait it is, if you’re writing it well, chances are good there’s an asexual out there who will empathize with it.

2. Keep intersectionality in mind. Though, as I said, I’m absolutely thrilled to see more ace characters in media, I know there’s still a desperate need for more diverse examples of asexuality, especially those that take into account how people of different races, genders, abilities, national origins, religions, and ages—among other things—experience their asexuality. A man does not experience asexuality the same as a woman. A white person does not experience asexuality the same as people of other races—I can’t list them all here, but from what I’ve seen, every racial identity comes with stereotypes and prejudices that interact with asexuality differently. Someone’s religion might affect how they view their asexuality or how they’re viewed by their religious community, and someone’s asexuality might be brushed aside if they’re “too young,” “too old,” or have a disability. Personally, I am an able-bodied American white woman, so I can’t say a lot about this specifically, but please do your research on this aspect of their experience just like you would any other. It might not be what you’re expecting.

3. Don’t make asexuality their defining trait. Unless someone is an asexual activist (and these are valid characters!), and even if they are, they’ve probably got quite a few aspects of their life that have nothing to do with their orientation. An asexual doesn’t spend all day every day thinking about the fact that they don’t experience sexual attraction. It is, after all, the lack of an experience rather than the presence of one, and is therefore less likely to draw their attention at any given moment. Contrary to some people’s belief, asexuals don’t necessarily have “oodles of free time” since they don’t spend it thinking about sex—but they do have other things that interest them. They are full human beings, just as complex as anyone of any other orientation, and as a certain lesbian character from a TV show I’m fond of once said, “My sexuality is not the most interesting thing about me.”

4. Remember that there are many ways to “humanize” a character without giving them a love interest. This is one of those topics that isn’t exclusive to stories with asexual characters, but is still relevant to them. All too often, I’ve seen characters who seem cold, inhuman, or heartless made more “human” by falling in love, as if the ability to feel romantic and/or sexual attraction is what makes them “not a machine.” This idea goes back at least a century, to Arthur Conan Doyle stating that Sherlock Holmes was “as human as a Babbage’s calculating machine, and just as likely to fall in love.”

Let me make this very clear: a character is not inhuman because they don’t feel romantic or sexual love, and a character is not especially human simply because they do feel these things. Even if your character is not asexual, please don’t make the one thing that “humanizes” them be romantic/sexual attraction—and in the case of asexual characters, please don’t try to “humanize” them by giving them a romantic interest. Yes, asexuals can be romantic, aromantic, or anything in between, but romantic asexuals are no more human than aromantics. There are so many other ways to humanize someone: strong platonic attachment, caring for animals, passion for a social cause, love for the environment, and countless other possibilities. Obviously it’s completely okay for romantic or sexual attraction to be one of these things: but please don’t make it the only one.

5. Think about how they discovered their orientation. Even if your character has known they’re asexual for 50+ years, unless your story takes place in some great fictional society where non-straight orientations are openly welcomed and accepted as normal, how they figured out their asexuality is probably going to affect them—as well as when they figured it out. I discovered my own asexuality in my early teens, but I’ve seen people who didn’t discover the term until they were senior citizens, having felt alone and out of place their entire lives with no idea why. If they discovered it recently, especially after a long time of not understanding themself, they might still be figuring out exactly how they define their own identity.

6. Consider asexuality in the context of your character’s environment. Small-scale and large-scale. Where your character grows up and what environment they live in during the story makes a huge difference on how their asexuality is expressed, and this is true whether you’re writing historical fiction (where views of and experiences in asexuality are obviously very different) or whether you’re deciding if your character’s family is supportive. There’s an enormous spectrum of variation in this, so I won’t even try to go into the details, but keep in mind that whether your character is out, what sort of prejudice they face, and how they feel about their own orientation will all be greatly affected by the world they live in and the people they know.

7. Asexuality is not an illness—but that doesn’t mean life experiences can’t affect it. Remember the House episode I mentioned? For those that never saw it, the patient-of-the-day was an apparently ace woman, married to an apparently ace man, who goes to see Dr. House. House is convinced that no human could possibly be asexual, despite another character, Wilson, mentioning research validating the orientation. In the end, House discovers that the man has a brain tumor suppressing his sex drive and the woman has been faking her orientation to stay with her husband.

This is … extremely problematic for what I hope are obvious reasons. This led to a lot of families and friends of asexuals, who had previously been supportive, suddenly worrying that their loved ones had brain tumors. Obviously, if there is a genuine reason to suspect a medical issue (such as a sudden disappearance of sexual interest when it existed before), one should consult a doctor, but this episode presented only two cases of asexuality, one of which was “just an illness” and another of which was a lie. This led viewers to the same conclusion that House himself reached: that no healthy human being could possibly be asexual.

This is a very bad example of asexual representation, but it’s also worth mentioning that there are asexuals who view their asexuality as being affected by their life experiences, a specific diagnosis, or even a chronic illness, and as long as you do research beforehand into what sorts of experiences can contribute to someone’s identity, and don’t try to “cure” that character’s asexuality as part of your story, this is okay. Ideally, include more than one ace character as a way to make it clear to your readers that experiences differ, and that all roads to finding one’s identity are valid. Sexual orientation is unlikely to change and can never be “cured”—since it’s not an illness in itself—but that doesn’t mean the environment can’t affect it.

8. Exploration and questioning is okay. I also want to emphasize that it is completely okay to have a character that is questioning their sexuality, and either later decides that they are ace or decides that they are not ace. As long as asexuality is treated as a genuine orientation and not just a “symptom”—and again, ideally, more than one ace character is included at least briefly—a character realizing that asexuality isn’t the right identity for them, or only realizing such after exploring other identities, is fine. As mentioned above, the House episode did this very wrong, but as long as you are not “disproving” the asexuality of the only two ace characters in the show—especially when it’s disproved by a guy who believes asexuality is impossible/inhuman—and you are sensitive and respectful, I think this can be done without causing offense.

9. Remember that ace views of attraction can be different than non-ace views. Much of society (at least Western society) seems to lump all attraction into one form: sexual and romantic combined. As asexuality gained more visibility, the idea of romantic and sexual attraction existing independently became more popular. On top of this, other types of attraction got more recognition: for instance, strong platonic attraction (like a non-romantic crush), sensual attraction (the desire for non-sexual physical contact), and aesthetic attraction (the attraction to the physical appearance of a person or object, but no desire for interaction). Note that this isn’t an asexual-exclusive experience, and a story definitely doesn’t need ace characters to explore these topics: many non-aces do experience these varied types of attraction, but haven’t had as much context to recognize or explore them. Asexuality, in recognizing that there are human beings with no sexual attraction, helped open the door to these ideas, but they have always existed. And even though this doesn’t necessarily relate to ace characters, I think it will go a long way to helping asexual experiences of attraction be better accepted.

10. Asexuality is a spectrum, and it’s more than okay to write all along it! I’ve been referring to the most general idea of “asexuality” in this post—probably because I fall completely in that category—but asexuality isn’t as simple as that, and the line between “ace” and “non-ace” isn’t so cut and dry. “Grey-asexuals” are a big part of the ace community, and their experience is both similar to and different from people who just identify as “asexual.” There are also demi-sexuals, who feel sexually attracted only once a strong emotional connection has been formed—and yes, these people deal with a lot of the same issues as asexuals, though of course, many parts of their experience are also unique. Keep this spectrum in mind as you’re writing your characters, even if you do end up writing someone who just identifies as “asexual.” It’s important to remember that the spectrum exists, if only because it’s a reminder that all of us, ace, non-ace, or anywhere in between, are part of the same immensely diverse gradient, instead of simply black and white.

Original post on my website.

#writing #writing tip #writing diverse characters #asexuality #ace characters

5 notes · View notes

kieren-fucking-walker · 5 years

Text

DGHDA Enneagram - Todd Brotzman (Part 1)

(Part 2 - Link to be added - Coming Soon)

(Dirk / Farah / Amanda - Links to be added - Coming soon)

Type 6: The Loyal Skeptic

Song (From Sleeping at Last’s Enneagram Project): Atlas: Six

“I want to take shelter but I'm ready, ready to fight

And somewhere in the middle I feel a little paralyzed

But maybe I’m stronger than I realise.”

Basic Fear: Being abandoned, left without support and the comfort of structure in their lives, all of their anxieties and fears coming true.

Basic Desire: To have security, to feel supported by others, to have certainty and reassurance, to fight against anxiety and insecurity.

Defense mechanism: Projection – attributing inner concerns and fears to others and external situations, projection is a way of attributing to others what one can't accept in oneself, both positive and negative qualities.

Sixes use projection to avoid personal rejection and maintain a self-image of being loyal. To assure safety and justify loyalty, they project positive feelings onto a relationship or an external authority figure. To explain internal feelings of fear and distrust, Sixes project negative feelings onto others, and then look for evidence to support these projections.

Type Six Overview: The core of the type Six personality is anxiety. Caught between a desire to both trust, in order to gain stability and security, and distrust, in order to prevent the stability and security they’ve already gained from being taken away, the type Six personality is grounded in a sort of "defensive suspiciousness." Sixes don't trust easily; they are often ambivalent about others, until the person has absolutely proven themself, at which point they are likely to respond with steadfast loyalty. They will defend their community or family more tenaciously than they will defend themselves.

A type Six can easily become defensive, evasive, and anxious—running on stress while complaining about it. They can be cautious and indecisive, but also reactive, defiant and rebellious. They typically have problems with self-doubt and suspicion.

In order to gain some semblance of stability, Sixes will attempt to build a network of trust over a background of unsteadiness and fear. They are often filled with a nameless anxiety and then try to find or create reasons why. Because “belief” (trust, faith, convictions, positions) is difficult for Sixes to achieve, and because it is so important to their sense of stability, once they establish a trustworthy belief, they do not easily question it, and they don’t hold up to others challenging it well. The same is true for individuals: once Sixes feel they can trust someone, they go to great lengths to maintain connections with the person, who often acts as a regulator for the Six’s emotional reactions and behaviour. They will do everything in their power to keep their affiliations going. Sixes do not trust themselves, and so will strive to find and hold onto something they can trust.

Because Sixes can be so reactive, no matter what we say about them, the opposite is often also true. They are both strong and weak, fearful and courageous, trusting and distrusting, defenders and provokers, sweet and sour, aggressive and passive, on the defensive and on the offensive, thinkers and doers, group people and soloists, believers and doubters, cooperative and obstructionistic, tender and mean, generous and petty—and on and on. Sixes often paint a contradictory picture due to the fact that they are a bundle of opposites.

Problems for Sixes: Sixes oppose everything, at least at first, and get distrustful and suspicious of new things easily. They will argue to oppose something before they even try it. Others tend to feel Sixes are too anxiety ridden, worry too much, and make themselves (and everyone else!) crazy raising every question and objection before trying anything

To compensate for insecurities, they become sarcastic and belligerent, blaming others for their problems, taking a tough stance toward "outsiders." Highly reactive and defensive, dividing people into friends and enemies, while looking for threats to their own security. Authoritarian while fearful of authority, highly suspicious, yet, conspiratorial, and fear-instilling to silence their own fears.

When they fear that they have ruined their security, they become panicky, volatile, and self-disparaging with acute inferiority feelings. Seeing themselves as defenseless, they seek out a stronger authority or belief to resolve all problems. Highly divisive, disparaging and berating others

The biggest problem for Sixes is that they try to build safety in the environment without resolving their own emotional insecurities. When they learn to face their anxieties, however, Sixes understand that although the world is always changing and is, by nature uncertain, they can be serene and courageous in any circumstance. And then they can attain a sense of peace with themselves despite the uncertainties of life.

Things Sixes need to hear: You tend to get edgy and testy when you are upset or angry, and can even turn on others and blame them for things you have done or brought on yourself. Be aware of your pessimism: it causes you dark moods and negative thought patterns that you tend to project on reality. When you succumb to this self-doubt, you can become your own worst enemy and may harm yourself more than anyone else does.

Others probably think better of you than you realize, and few people are really out to get you. In fact, your fears tell you more about your attitudes toward others than they indicate about others' attitudes toward you.

What you may not expect from a Six: They can be warm, and unpredictably playful. Needing to feel needed, striving to create a sense of stability and structure, Sixes will often take on a caring, even home-making role, whether they mean to or not. They enjoy being practical, and when their anxieties are at rest they can be excellent troubleshooters, foreseeing problems and fostering cooperation, far more willing to champion others than you may initially expect.

Enneagram Types also considered for Todd: Two - The Helper

Part 2 will look more at the relationship of this type to Todd's Character.

Information taken from a number of sites and textbooks - Mainly focused on The Enneagram Institute. For more about the Enneagram - Click here

If you’d like to hear more about my reasoning for this type allocation (believe me, it took a long time, lots of study, and he was a relatively easy fit all things considered), my love of Psychology in both study and practice, why I favour the Enneagram, why I’m applying this to fictional characters at all, or my undying love for Todd Brotzman, just hit me up!

#I'm sorry this is so long BUT #DID IT #Todd Brotzman #DGHDA #DGHDA Enneagram #Type 6 - The Loyal Skeptic #the others are coming soon #and I may add more #this is a labour of looooove #a different kind of content for me but a content all the same #dghda meta

30 notes · View notes