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thefrogman · 1 year

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On fucking up...

The house has been incredibly quiet since my dad passed. And that quiet turns into loneliness quite often for me. So last night I decided to use every spoon I had to go to the movies. I swallowed my social anxiety and went out into the world.

The theater had these recliners that sit on a raised step. But when you are actually sitting in the seat you can't see that step. Once the movie was over I forgot about the step. I got up to leave and my ankle caught it on the way down. I flew forward and crashed into the back of a row of seats.

A middle aged gentlemen saw this and said, "Gee buddy, this your first day walking?"

And the other 8 people in the theater gave a boisterous laugh.

I wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

Making a mistake feels bad.

Making a mistake in public is an embarrassing lesson in humility.

And making a mistake witnessed by 15,000 people is terrifying.

When you get something wrong and people call you out, your first instinct is to dig in. Everyone wants to dig in. Which is usually the worst possible reaction. You want to defend yourself. You don't want to believe you were wrong. And you start spewing out reasons why you can't be wrong. I think the current vernacular calls this "tweeting through it."

Over the years I have tried very hard to fight that instinct to dig in. To consider what people have said and recheck my facts to see if my original information could be inaccurate. And sometimes you find out you were right and strengthen your point of view.

But when you find out you were duped or misunderstood the information, there is nothing quite like that sinking feeling.

And when you are wrong in front of 15,000 people... that sinking feeling goes to the center of the earth.

You get sucked into a thought spiral...

"How do I fix this? Do I send a message to all 15,000 people? Do I just post a video of me repeatedly punching myself in the face? Do I delete the post? No, can't delete the post, people will think you are trying to hide your mistake. Plus all those reblogs."

You have to accept the fact that even if you publicly admit you were wrong, a lot of those people are never going to see it. They are going to believe the thing and possibly spread it to others.

You've created a runaway freight train and you just have to watch it crash into stuff.

The sad thing is I have learned this lesson a few times in my 10+ years of being a minor public figure. It has caused me to be so paranoid about passing along bad information that I will fact check things to death. Sometimes 5 or 6 sources. I'll look at reputable sources and disreputable sources. And I'll try to corroborate those disreputable sources just as an exercise to give me confidence I have the best information at that time.

But the other night I finished watching John Wick 4 and was high on action juice. I started watching every John Wick video on YouTube. My history shows about 40 videos. And at 2 or 3am I heard the director being hyperbolic in a podcast clip and thought a fun fact was too great not to share.

I thought, "I'm not telling people to eat horse paste for COVID. I'm not pretending I'm a submarine expert who knows exactly how to save people at the bottom of the ocean. It's just a flippy gun maneuver. I'm sure Chad knows what he is talking about."

So I posted the thing on my personal blog with sleep in my eyes and figured it was fine. And after 500 notes no one had really said anything, so I thought it was okay to share on my main blog.

And that was my biggest mistake. I deemed the subject matter to be trivial so I lowered my standards.

I forgot that damn step was there and flew into the seats.

There are dishonest people on the internet. Tons of them. People who will post dangerous misinformation without a care. People who have a pattern of lying. Grifters who thrive on baiting people for clicks. And I think it has caused us to react to bad information with hostility by default. People forget that there are still honest people who just make a mistake or get duped. Yet they can still feel the need to make people feel stupid for believing something that seems so obvious to them.

I have been guilty of this myself. I have called people out forgetting they are a human being behind that social media avatar.

The first person to call me out just said, "This is not true, LMFAO."

That's not helpful.

People made me feel like I was a liar. And I am very sensitive to that. For years doctors, family, and friends were skeptical of my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. And when someone accuses me of being dishonest, I get very anxious and see red.

But I tried very hard not to dig in. I asked for more information--for evidence. Just point me in a direction so I can figure out what's true. But I got angry when all they said was that I was wrong without elaboration. Which is another form of digging in.

I guess I'm asking people to start with compassion before hostility. Maybe if we don't know the person or they have been a mostly reliable source, we can give people a chance. If the person has a history of deception, that's a different story. Bad faith is usually pretty easy to spot.

I remember for a long time I used to love telling people their blood was blue until it was exposed to oxygen. It was just the funnest fun fact I had ever heard and I *needed* others to know the thing I knew. Giving people knowledge can be intoxicating. But then I told my good friend who just became a medical resident and he was like, "I don't remember that in medical school. I think that might be an urban legend."

I still got that sinking feeling and I still had flashbacks to every person I told... but I was grateful he was so kind when he corrected me.

You can correct someone with kindness.

I'd ask that you imagine yourself in their shoes. Think about how embarrassing it is when you get something wrong. And just be like, "Hey, I think you got some bad information. Here's why."

When someone faceplants into a row of seats, metaphorically or otherwise, maybe ask if they are okay before laughing at them.

#long post

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sparkles-and-trash · 3 years

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Modern ATLA AU Headcanons Meme

Reblog this post, and your own answers!

I love myself some modern AU's, and I love how different they all are, so, I made this so we can all share, and feel free to add characters if you want, and just not do any of these if the character isn't important to you!

General:

Bending? Yes! Always!

Monarchy? Nope

Our world or theirs? Their's all the way

Animals? Boring ones from our world, it's what I know the best lol

Aang:

Tattoos? yes, always, and I keep the inspired by the ones in the movie (the movie is awful but the tattoos are cool and actual rl inspired?

Home life/family/upbringing? I usually go with him being raised by Monk Gyatso, and keep everything else kind of vague

Major/job? I go back and fourth, but I like him as a tattoo artist, or as a vet, anything with animals, or as a nurse, preferably a pediatric nurse!

Hobbies? Skating, in any form, yoga, meditation, painting and art

Vegetarian or Vegan? I think he's be cruelty free as far as it's possible

Appa and Momo? Big, fluffy rescue dog and small, shifty cat

personality compared to canon? Pretty similar, maybe a tad less traumatized considering the war didn't happen, but he's still the Avatar, and he still suffered great loss very young

how long have they've known the Gaang? Toph since always, water sibs since middle- or high-school, Zuko either middle school or uni, spending on the story, Suki in high school when she dates Sokka

some random headcanon(s)? he doesn't drink, but he does occasionally enjoy some ouíd at parties or when others drink

Katara:

Home life/family/upbringing? Their mother died when they were really young, and Hakoda married his lifelong best friend, Bato. They're generally a happy family.

Major/job? I love doctor Katara, and vet Katara, but also Katara in Politics, working hard making the world a better place!

personality compared to canon? Extremely similar, kind, brave, not afraid to speak her mind, awkward in certain situations, a pesky but loving younger sister, etc.

how long have they've known the Gaang? meets Aang and Toph early high school, Suki pretty fast after, Zuko late high school or uni

Hobbies? Sporty, likes to play all sports but doesn't do any seriously, swimming, surfing, writing, reading

some random headcanon(s)? she very good in school, but she's not a goody-two-shoes, she likes a good party as much as anyone

Sokka:

Home life/family/upbringing? Their mother died when they were really young, and Hakoda married his lifelong best friend, Bato. They're generally a happy family.

Major/job? I always like him as some type of engineer, but anything clever and creative is cool!

personality compared to canon? Similar, but maybe a little less... insecure? in that he never had to protect for his entire Tribe very young, and he did very well in school and had lots of talent, but also he has enough struggles to not be a dick? Extremely competitive and protective tho.

how long have they've known the Gaang? meets Aang and Toph early high school, starts dating Suki soon after, Zuko late high school or uni

Hobbies? Surfing in summer, skating, always, drawing and painting, gaming

some random headcanon(s)? has ADHD, is a bi-king, very comfortable with that, and is somehow good friends with all of his exes

Zuko:

Home life/family/upbringing? Similar to canon, just a modern rich asshole version of Ozai, who's either a huge criminal or just inherited a lot of money, Ursa out of the picture, Iroh as caretaker from a young age, but still lived kinda sheltered and was very lonely in his kid and teen years

Major/job? I like tons of stuff for him, either him managing a Jasmin Dragon, preferably with him adding a book café, but also a writer, photographer or tattoo artist

personality compared to canon? very similar, but since I usually write them uni aged or older, he's more mature? But he does still have some anger management issues, can be oblivious to social settings, awkward, brash and has very little knowledge of some basic stuff due to growing up rich. But he's also very loyal, loves his friends so much, and wants everyone to be okay, all the time.

how long have they've known the Gaang? Aang either middle school or late high school, Toph from a young age, and the others either late high school or uni.

Hobbies? Writing, photography, reading, fan fiction, musical nerd, bad gamer

Scar story? Ozai, in some way, preferably when Zuko speaks against something evil he did in front of the wrong people, so similar to canon

some random headcanon? used to have a pretty bad stutter, and even tho it's almost not noticeable anymore, he's very insecure about it

Toph:

Home life/family/upbringing? Extremely sheltered, barley got to go to public school, snuck out a lot, moves out the second she can and has a tense relationship with her parents

Major/job? I never know tbh, so many possibilities, but I like her as some sort of teacher, either in earth bending, or martial art!

personality compared to canon? Pretty much similar as canon? Loud, unapologetically herself, fiercely protective over her friends, funny af

how long have they've known the Gaang? Toph and Aang since childhood, water sibs since early high school

Hobbies? passionate about good music, is a talented drummer, knows piano from childhood, is a fairly popular youtube gamer/streamer

some random headcanon? demiromantic bisexual, she teaches Zuko how to play the piano and he loves it sm it's their thing

Suki:

Home life/family/upbringing? Was raised by a single mom and has a bunch of siblings, not poor, but lower middle class, but comes from a loving home

Major/job? Professional athlete of some type, then a coach when retired

personality compared to canon? The same as for what we know! Good attitude, including, funny, very passionate.

how long have they've known the Gaang? most of them from high school when she starts dating Sokka!

Hobbies? Surfing, gaming, material arts, music, plays the bass

some random headcanon? flannel bi, has lots of freckles and big, green eyes

Mai:

Home life/family/upbringing? Similar to canon, but her mom divorced her father around the start of high school, and they had it a lot better then. She loves her little brother a lot, he's pretty similar to her and looks up to her a lot.

Major/job? Forensic Science major, usually

personality compared to canon? Similar, very similar. Quiet and calculating, but loves her friends and family dearly. Witty, in a quiet way.

Hobbies? plays the violin, reads a lot, goes to a lot of concerts

some random headcanon? I think of her as a lesbian, but I like aro ace Mai, too

Azula:

Home life/family/upbringing? Same as Zuko, but she moves in with Iroh a little later than him. No contact with her father after that tho, goes on the fitness stand against him after the Zuko thing. Very protective of Zuko, and she doesn't hide it, but she can be ruthless with him, too.

Major/job? Leadership, of some kind

personality compared to canon? She's definitely still Azula, she's amazing at reading people, can be cunning, and mean, but not cruel. Had a major psychological breakdown a few years after their father got sent to jail, a reaction to pushing everything away for. so long, and spent some time in a psychiatric hospital, and dealt with a lot with the therapists and doctors there. A very loyal friend.

Hobbies? material arts, advanced fire bending, fashion and reading

some random headcanon? was the leader of the debate club in high school, became a straight up legend in that crowd.

Ty Lee:

Home life/family/upbringing? Basically the same as canon

Major/job? professional gymnast

personality compared to canon? Same as canon

Hobbies? Dancing, cosplay, fashion

some random headcanon? Knows everyone's name, always.

Idk, tag a few people if you wanna, but no pressure to ever do it!

@flamelo @littlespoonsokka and literally everyone who wants to sorry I'm so bad at tagging jslkgg

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mooshs-crack-headcanons · 4 years

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Maybe headcannons of Nero and his new s/o around family, specifically Kyrie

(I hope this came out okay!)

Okay let’s get one thing straight before we begin; The Order was absolutely fucked up and Kyrie was really affected by it. She, like the other 99% of believers in Fortuna, were brainwashed and her brother was killed by the fucking pope, that’s quite some stuff to deal with and I think that slowly coming out of the brainwashed state she slowly and slowly became less of...her empty character from 4, of course she still remained kind and compassionate but over time and overcoming her brother’s death she changes until she becomes her own person that has completely broken free from the Order’s control. Her and Nero did date for quite some time but they both eventually respectfully broke up when they both realized that they just didn’t work out together and both agreed to just live together to support one another and help raise some of Fortuna’s orphans.

So Kyrie is absolutely happy to see that Nero has moved on and found you, it fills her heart with joy seeing that both of you make each other happy and after some time is perfecting fine with the idea of you moving into the apartment. She even has started making you and Nero matching sweaters to wear for Christmas on lazy afternoons on the couch together with Nico (who she finds herself spending a lot of...closer time with together recently)

Speaking of Nico, expect spending a lot of time with her on the road if you’re in the hunting business. Now Nico can be loud and can get on your nerves sometimes but she means well, she also teases both you and Nero a lot which also makes your boyfriend both embarrassed and mad making his face flush a bright pink, which only fuels more teases earring more yelling, it’s quite the sight to see. Nico has this weird talent with eventually getting along with just everyone she meets (as long as if you don’t mind the teasing and joking she does, which Nero doesn’t do to well) so you and Nico should eventually get along just fine but if you’re interested in her art then Nico will immediately do anything for you, this starts the “Why can’t you be more like (Name)?” treatment with Nero, which the grandson of Sparda doesn’t take well. But seriously if you just sit down and let her just ramble on about whatever she’s made whether it be a new devil breaker or just a new gun she’s made for Lady you’ll be absolutely fine in her book and even joke about stealing you from Nero (which of course she wouldn’t...she’s been more closer with Kyrie lately after all)

Since you’re living with Nero at the apartment, you’ll of course be around Kyle, Carlo, and Julio. The boys can be a handful to deal with most times but with the help of both Kyrie and Nero, they tend to stay on their best behavior whenever they're around you. I think with them the best way to make them like is to do stuff with them; like play outside, watch cartoons, and play video games with them. Nero has a very cute father-like relationship with them and it’s absolutely adorable to watch whenever he’s around them.

Well with you being involved with Nero, there’s a most definite chance you’ve been at the Devil May Cry office, meaning you’ve been around the inhabitants that usually find themselves sticking around there so it’s obvious for you to have a relationship with Dante since you’re dating his nephew and all. We all know that Dante’s a chill guy when he’s around people, so with his charismatic personality it’s hard to get along with him. Dante’s glad that Nero’s found someone that makes him happy, and like Nico he teases the shit out of him (again earning Nero’s bright pink faced embarrassed yelling fit) Dante’s a great guy to have a drink with and he’s most likely to share a drink and tell you that he’s glad that because of you that he’s noticed that Nero’s been a little less pissy at the world and that he appreicates that from you.

And of course the Vergil in the room has to be addressed. Even after post 5 Nero and his father have...not the best of relationships (you know, abandonment issues and having your parent yank off your arm and all) but there have been at least a few attempts, enough for Nero to allow Vergil to at least meet you. Vergil is...pleased by your relationship with his son, of course on the outside he won't admit it but he's glad that you're with him and it gives him peace of mind that not only you but the rest of the people in his life in Fortuna but him on the right path and not make the same mistakes his father had. Sure Vergil can be a stubborn asshole but it's not really hard to get along with him (mostly post 5 where's he's chilled out and not a huge motivated power dick anymore) as long as you're not annoying him constantly he can actually carry on a good conversation (especially if you're into reading poetry because he's a fucking nerd and you know he has tons of trivial stuff on Blake he can pull out of his ass at any given time to share with you)

I like to believe every Christmas that the crew will get together and have a quality business dinner at Kyrie's (as a family) and this is just a great time to see everyone together (even Patty bringing her mother along) and just forgetting about any demons, hell, and any upcoming jobs. On one of the first that you attend, you sit next to Nero at the table as you laugh along with Trish as Lady scolds Dante about his ever growing debt while Morrison shakes his head all while trying to hide his cracked smile. All while on the other side of him is Nico excitedly rambling about her newest invention to Kyrie while trying to control her stutters from excitement as Kyrie patiently nods and patiently listens along with the kids. Across from him were Lucia and Nina happily engaged in conversation as his father doesn’t say a word next to them but slowly drinks from the mug in his hand as Patty is on her fifth story of what it was like being around Dante as a kid and how much he was a pain to clean up after, which the eldest kin of Sparda if you looked closely enough could be seen nodding to himself showing the things the Lowell girl described were things child Vergil had to deal with cleaning after too.

When Nero looks back to you he finds you already staring at him with a small smile attached to your lips and in a quiet voice you ask him if he’s having a good time. He quickly looks away from you before rubbing at his nose with a barely visible tint to his cheeks (that he can already tell from the corner of his eye that Kyrie noticed and gives him a small supporting smile) Nero clears his throat before looking back to you and tells you that it’s pleasing but also really shocking that no one has tried to kill each other yet. You laugh at the statement before telling him that your pretty sure you can fend yourself to the death against his father or uncle with nothing but a plastic fork and the discarded pizza box on the floor alone which earns you a scoff and an eye roll (and the tinist of smirks) as goes back to eating his pasta.

Nero eventually finds your hand graze along his fingers underneath the table as if testing the waters before fully grasping his hand and squeezing it tightly. At first it takes him off guard but once he’s used to the warmth on his face he’ll reciprocate the gesture by rubbing his thumb across your skin as the night continues on, thinking about how vastly different he feels in this moment now that he truly has a family versus the lonely self loathing days from when he was younger.

If you like what you read please consider reblogging! It means the world for writers and artists!

#devil may cry #nero sparda #nero x reader #mine #devil may cry x reader

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mariaiscrafting · 3 years

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can i ask why you dislike dream? im not being passive agressive or something lol i am genuinely curious

S’all good, kinda figured you weren’t being, and a lot of people have asked me this lol. There are so many reasons, and I’ve said this so many times already, but I’ll try to go over some of the main things I can remember:

1) Arrogance: kinda put me off how he’s always responded to criticism. Always kinda had an air of superiority about shit, and it never really bothered me on its own because I think lots of CCs are arrogant & I’m arrogant myself, but combined with all of the following, it became a reason for me to dislike him lol

2) Manipulation of his audience: look, I kinda always knew that CCs with huge fanbases, especially CCs who grow this quickly, have some kind of grasp of how to treat and foster their audience to their greatest advantage. I’ve always been wary of CCs that put on soft or nice personalities, especially since the whole Shane Dawson debacle. But with Dream, it’s been a whole other thing ever since his cheating response video, and I’ve never been able to see him in a good light in regard to how he responds to his fans, ever since. I went into it in a lot more detail back when I first watched the video, the day it dropped, but I’m too exhausted to scrounge that post up, so I’ll summarize: that video had a very specific strategy that he used to victimize himself and appeal to his fans’ compassion for him, and after rewatching the video for the third time that day, it felt gross and calculated to me. The way that he focuses very little on the actual mathematical part of his argument. The way he frames the issue of the mods having favoritism or bias. It was already proven on Reddit and throughout Twitter that the numbers the mods looked at were for good reason, and not because they just wanted to pick the numbers that made Dream look the worst, but that’s how he framed the argument. When I logged onto Twitter and Tumblr that day, there were thousands of fans who had latched onto what he said in the latter half of that video and coming to Dream’s defense, and that’s kinda when it hit me: this guy fucking knows what he’s doing, and he’s doing it well, and I really really dislike it. There’s about a hundred other ways he manipulates his audience, including not coming to people’s defenses when huge chunks of his audience attack them (even though the people had respectful and correct criticisms of him), defending stans so adamantly in the face of antis, and posting periodic alt tweets that help garner the illusion that he super cares about his fans; but, that cheating response video was the major red flag, for me.

3) Cheating & lying: as is likely no surprise to y’all, I think Dream cheated lmao. At first, I was ecstatic that he had actually made a detailed response video and put out a report with the help of an actual professional, but as I read up on his supposed statistical argument and dissected the parts of his argument that felt off to me, I realized maybe he had cheated. Talking to some STEM major friends of mine, who weren’t into MCYT but had obviously heard about the whole debacle because they like Twitter and Minecraft, kinda put the nail in the coffin for me. I’m not nearly smart enough or have a good enough memory to detail exactly why I think he cheated on this blog, right now, in April, but essentially: his main argument relied upon claiming mod bias, instead of a sound mathematical or statistical argument; there’s no way of proving that the world files he provided to the mods and in the open source weren’t altered; the statistical problems he points out (i.e., stopping effect) don’t actually skew the original mods’ model nearly as much as his supposed PhD guy would say; and the odds he comes up with might not be nearly as impossible as 1 in 7 trillion, but they still come up to around 1 in 100 million, which is still fucking ridiculous, considering that there are only, like, 120 million people in the world who play Minecraft. Not impossible, but laughable that he expects people to believe that. But... I guess they did, lmao. The thing that peeved me the most about the whole thing was the adamant lying lmao. When you look at the situation from the perspective of “dream cheated,” you realize just how fucked up all his Twitter responses, his adamance in streams and that video, and the general mood among his friends is... idk man, it’s just highly fucked.

4) Relationship with stans: look, there are significant numbers of his fans that take part in Twitter cancelling vendettas, who spread around information about other CCs and their fellow fans that is false and meant to villify them, etc., and he never fucking says anything. It really, really bothers me. There are too many instances to enumerate, but a few that have caught my eye were when Dream stans would attack Techno, prior to their battle and when a Native American woman politely explained why he shouldn’t use Native music, he responded and said he wouldn’t, but tons of stans continued to attack her in her replies for “being so harsh/mean.” Like, he knows that just one word from him will make his fandom follow his beck and call. All it would’ve taken was one fucking word. There are so many fucking people that have been harrassed off of social media platforms because of the hivemind that is dttwt, for christ’s sake.

5) Reddit posts: All of the above were reasons for me to mildly dislike the guy prior to the Reddit posts, but they weren’t really enough to make me stop posting about c!Dream or reblogging fanart or reading DNF fics or watching Manhunts. I kinda just clowned on the guy, answered the occasional ask about the cheating thing or something related, and left it at that. The Reddit posts not only pissed me off for their content, but for the lying, as well. Do you think I fucking cared about him cheating at speedrunning Minecraft, of all games? Fuck no. What I cared about was the adamant lying that went into the whole debacle. Kinda the same with the Reddit posts. I’m one to usually forgive creators who acknowledge past errors, obviously. It is creators who try to brush stuff off, or even worse, create an elaborate lie to cover up allegations, that put me off a fuck ton. This is the reason I could never be comfortable with watching Pewdipie after I realized all the shit he had brushed off, and it’s now the reason I can’t go back to watching Dream. There is so much evidence that points to guilt, including but not limited to: his first move when the slideshow dropped (before posting to Twitter) being deleting as many old Discord messages as he could, the contradiction between him at first denying the account was his at all then changing the story to say he shared it with a friend, the wording and phrasing in the political posts being almost identical to the non-political posts that were clearly him (i.e., the one that explains his demographics perfectly), and the timing of the political posts (some of them being posted mere minutes after posts that were verifiably him, like the picture of Patches to the cats subreddit). People can claim that he’s likely changed, and what this it matter, as long as politics don’t affect his work now, but I can’t believe this fundamental misunderstanding of why bigotry in entertainment matters. I’ve always had a problem with the adoration this fandom has for cishet white men, and the constant criticism of non-cishet, non-white, non-men, but this really feels like the final slap in the fucking face. It’s like everyone truly believes that it doesn’t matter, that his beliefs couldn’t have possibly affected the way he’s treated fellow CCs in his circles or any of the number of people that depend upon Dream, directly and indirectly, for employment/CC clout. It’s like everyone truly believes that political ideology has no effect on the way we perceive, treat, and behave around other people in literally any field, not just politics. I, just... Christ. I don’t really wanna unpack my emotions about this whole thing right now, so I won’t. I’ll just say: I dislike Trump supporters and ex-Trump supporters alike, I dislike conservatives who claim they’re centrists (every fucking guy my age does this, it’s infuriating and makes me want to bash my head into the nearest wall), I dislike people who levy their fans against criticism - even when it’s righteous - and I dislike people who lie about their past actions; Dream fits all those categories, so I dislike him.

#lol would it be okay if this were my last dream crit post? im very tired #i just... diont wanna talk about him anymore lol #dream critical #discourse #/neg #asks #Anonymous

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tokugou · 3 years

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Hi. First: I love your GIFs! They're pleasing to see on my dash (and sometimes gives me niggling ideas for creating GIFs of my own but almost never do it cuz procrastination and my creativity sucks haha 😅)! Please keep creating! <3

Second, genuine question (and out of curiosity): Why do you self reblog your posts often? People can see your posts on their dash, and even on the search thingy. The search thingy doesn't let people see your self-reblogs (just the original post). Even though I've kinda been on and off of Tumblr for years, I don't really get how it works, so I'm a bit confused as to why you and other bloggers self-reblog your/their own posts?

You don't have to answer if you don't want to, though! I'm just genuinely confused and I don't know who/where else to ask/search 😅. Thanks in advance! Have a nice day! <3

I honestly don't know what I did to get dragged into this discourse

Thank you for polite question, I honestly don't know if I can help you a lot and if my answer will explain it as you expect. I also was on and off tumblr for a long time and often, but I can answer it based on my own experience on this becasue it was confusing to me too when I first met with self reblogging.

Long reply under read more so to not trash other people' dash

first of all self promotion isn't a bad thing and i'm staring to think some of people here see it as a crime

compared to old one nowday t/mblr is a mess, lot of people left this site and most of them were content creators (either artists or gifmakers) and back then it seemd more welcoming to editors? People would rb your stuff no matter your popularity becasue hey it is content from my fav series i wanna see more i wanna keep it on my blog and show it to others so there was no need for people to self reblog becasue it circulated around a lot on its own.

new people who join this app are raised on i/stagram t/itter and/or f/book where LIKES means everything, you show your support by liking posts THIS NOT APPLY TO TUMBLR AND NEVER DID [you can check this amazing post about rebloging]. As nice as it is to get likes on your post becasue it is like a pat on a head - it is only a pat, doesn't mean anything on a long run. Reblog = spreading. If people don't spread it we stay unnoticed and we tend to self reblog more.

another thing that changed is: people no longer scroll from top to the last post they saw before going to sleep, cos why would they? You wake up in the morning open app while eating breakfast or drinking coffee and you sroll past ten or twenty post or an equivalent of hour or two of your absence - you dont go deeper cos it would be a waste of time - again, I say USUALLY, some ppl still do this and it is ok either way - which leads us to main point of self/reblog:

DIFFERENCE in TIME ZONE not all of our followers live in the same time-zone, when I post something in my free time it doesn't mean others have it too, most of them are probably sleeping or in working place at that hour. We self reblog so people who were absent (and we think might be interested in - becasue why not? they follow us for a reason right?) can see it when they get back on here. By reblogging ourself multiple times, that puts the post back on the follower’s dash and hopefully gives them a chance to see it.

most of people follow ton of blogs (one of my friend I met here told me they follow over 1k blogs) imagine even half of these blogs posting regulary, a few things per hour, the dash is messy and crowded OUR EDITS TEND TO GET LOST IN IT. Most of people follow a lot of blogs and might miss our posts becaue their dashes are WAY more active than these who follow five or ten blogs.

t/mblr fandoms aren't welcoming to new creators in my experience, to get notes you need to be popular/have lot of followers but you can't have lot of them if your posts aren't spread/seen and so on and so on it go in circle (a lot of ppl also only reblog popular posts and avoid these with litte of notes - don't know why it is like this, maybe they think these posts are suspicious?) so with self reblog we also give some of these fake notes to make a post more appealing, i guess? this one is just speculation.

the search function you mentioned is very rarely used tbh people don't go to search for things daily, they usually only do this when they join new series/ship/etc to check if there is something. People usually stick to what they see on their dashes. AND most importantly this option doesn't work as it should. It is some type of algoritm that promote post that are alive/active - even if your post is relativy new it might not show in search becasue it died quickly (as if it wasn't interacted with for some time). With search option it is 50/50 your thing either show there or not. ALSO REMEMBER search option is a terrible promoted thingy that doesn't show you everything so you better stick to /tagged/ thing you can enter manually while on dash if you are using web t/mblr.

people no longer go straight to specific blogs to check if they missed something, they might do it for their besties (as they call it) but other than that DASH is all people see and focus on, so the more often content creators self/reblog the higher chance followrs will see it.

we are not paid for what we do and it come to everything: edits, gifs, arts, writing, video and META POST we are not paid for it and no matter how many people say notes are just numbers these numbers are our motivational payment, the less you get the less you create because you just don't feel the point of sharing your creations if it is not received well or at all.

when I started posting I used to post new content daily even twice a day, nowdays seeing most of my edits not being well recieved in fandom I lost motivation to the point I was thinking of quiting because it didn’t give me joy anymore and I'm still considering it.

I personally never felt bothered seeing self rebbloged post, I follow a bunch of content creators, some of them sr twice a day some each hour, some more or less often. It often helped me to see something I would missed becasue I wasn't here and personally it often give me joy to see the post I remember seeing that had 2 notes when I rb it and now it is 500 or more.

to anyone who read it and still think self reblog is a bother: do not tell people to stop self reblogging. If you genuinely have a problem with self reblogging, just unfollow or block the person who does it and don’t make a fuss over it!

I hope I managed to answer you at least partly? I probably lost the point somewhere between first sentence and second but... well

#chloe.mailbox #long post #anonymous #i keep saying WE as in content creator but honestly i dont feel as if i was part of it

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leavetwn · 3 years

Text

* KAYLEE BRYANT, CISWOMAN + SHE/HER | you know SUZIE TANAKA, right? they’re TWENTY-ONE, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, EIGHTEEN YEARS? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to VALENTINE BY HOPE TALA like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole ROLLERSKATES SCUFFED FROM YEARS OF USE, STARTING A JOURNAL ENTRY TWO YEARS SINCE THE LAST ONE, A SIGH OF RELIEF ONCE YOU'RE FINALLY ALONE thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is NOVEMBER 28TH, so they’re a SAGGITARIUS, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( claire, 22, est, she/her )

it’s me again ! bringing a character who i’ve played for a while now, just switched up & such for every rp, and now , i’m bringin her here. :^) i hope you enjoy her as much as i do! tw: mentions of mental illness (anxiety)

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬 .

full name: suzie tanaka. nickname(s): su, anything your muse wants to call her tbh. age: twenty-one. date of birth: november 28th. zodiac sign: saggitarius. gender/pronouns: ciswoman, she/her. sexual orientation: bisexual. romantic orientation: biromantic. hometown: san francisco, californio. current residence: irving, north carolina. occupation: part time waitress at cutie pie’s thanks to her skills on skates. full time student at the local college in her junior year as a creative writing major. she minors in film pro eye color: brown. hair color/style: dark brown, upper-mid back length & she usually just wears it in a simple ponytail. it’s more manageable when she’s out. however, when she’s at home, she’ll leave it down. height : 5′3″. clothing style: you can’t really put suzie’s style into one category. it’s inspired by several different eras & many times she pieces it together. some might call it a bit tacky at times, but she thinks it looks cute. to her, that’s all that matters. tattoos: none. probably could never attempt to get one cause she’s seriously afraid of needles lol. piercings: her ears and that’s when she was fairly young. reference the tattoos portion for reasoning.

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐡𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 .

when you were around six years old , you first realized that you were lonely. it wasn’t like you weren’t around other people. it was just that those people were mostly your mom and dad. occasionally your cousins would come over sometimes, but they were all older than you by at least four years. your parents were kind of eccentric, and for that, they experienced how harsh other kids could be very early on. they decided they didn’t want you to experience the same things, so since both were felt they were prepared enough to do so, they homeschooled you to keep you sheltered from those types of things.

you’re sure they had good intentions. that’s not something you questioned, but you wished they’d at least find another kid you could be friends with or have another kid. you found yourself bored by yourself, so you immersed yourself in things like books or whatever movies they had around the house. this is where your love of fairytales began, and you’d fantasize about living in one while you read or watched the stories unfold.

you lived in your head, and you still pretty much do. you’re an idealist, even though you haven’t seen much of the world. perhaps it’s the fact that you haven’t ventured very far from your home that makes you so, and while life could still be boring, you always had another book or movie to keep you company. you grew content being on your own, and the more that you were, the more you began to enjoy your own company.

that didn’t change the fact that you longed for friends. in all the stories you read or watched, the protagonist had one other person along with them for much of their journey. sure, you had people that you were friendly with, but it was never to the extent that you wanted. it was never a best friend or a close group — just someone you saw on few occasions. it also didn’t help how you felt when you were around others. the way you monitored every step you took, the way you crossed your legs, or going over the way you would speak to someone in your head over and over. you figured for the longest time it was because you were shy, but a diagnosis of anxiety gave you a lot more clarity and almost a sense of relief. those things started to make more sense.

being alone helped a lot when it came to academics. you spent a lot of your time studying or looking up random ass facts on the internet, and because of this, you’d call yourself fairly smart. you know your shit. it also helped a lot when getting into colleges. you didn’t aim too high though, not yet comfortable being all the way on your own. so, you chose the nearby university to attend.

you move out. you’re excited, and your parents are nervous but prepared. they’re not oblivious to the fact that this day would come. you’re ready to go out and face the world, but most of all, you’re ready to make friends. you’re ready to go out and experience the world, every small step at a time. you’re convinced at college you’ll become a brand new person, find yourself, and make plenty of friends.

it doesn’t go like that at first. of course it doesn’t. it’s a new environment, and it takes getting used to. but soon, people loosen up and warm up to you. you’re quick to make a couple of friends. it isn’t at all like the stories you’d read or watched when you were younger. it is happy and fun and joyous, but you realize that friendships take work. it’s a bit exhausting, as someone who had become such an introvert, but you manage and form close bonds.

as of now, you are working on your degree and managing life one step at a time. you’re doing pretty well, and things are looking up. you keep your head in the clouds still to this day, imagining what the future will be like. you’re still idealistic and optimistic, not that that’s a bad thing.

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬 .

i was being exaggerative with the ‘being at home’ stuff rip. i mean, she did spend a lot of time at home, but she wasn’t always there. her dad would take her out to rockin’ and rollin’, and i mean, she fuckin rocks when it comes to skating. it was kind of freeing to her as a child. she def got a pair of rollerblades as a christmas present, and she probably was the kid skating down her neighborhood road and shit from sunrise until her mom told her to take her ass inside.

maybe seems like she’s ditzy and she’s probably somewhat naive, but she’s definitely not stupid. she’s also a fast learner. she is, however, too nice for her own good. she’ll learn eventually, but she’s hopeful and an optimist at heart 💔

loves her dad but tells her mom everything. she doesn’t recognize it, but her mom was probably her first best friend lmaoo. they have a really good relationship. she has a good relationship with her dad too. he’s a bit more closed off than her mom, and she recognizes that but understands.

has an irrational fear that everyone’s like,,, staring at her & thinking she’s weird. really wants everyone to like her but she’s not sure how to make that happen (news flash, it won’t)

her fam is actually from san francisco but when she was 3, her dad got a better offer in irving so that’s how they ended up here. she knows this & she wonders what life woulda been like if she stayed back in san fran. probably wouldn’t have changed but she literally lives in her head and imagines shit like that’s her job at this point so yehhh

dreams of being a screenwriter and maybe even a director one day. she saw how film and books influenced her life as a kid & she wants to have the same impact, yk? v cute to me i love that. maybe she’ll write a book one day too who knows

i’m feelin like she has a ton of online friends cause she was seeking connection /w people so it makes sense. shout out to all her online pals who kept her sane & shit, but it wasn’t enough for her cause she really wanted those kinds of things irl.

is a hopeless romantic rip to her. just wants someone to sweep her up off her feet and give her butterflies but this aint no damn fairytale so let’s make it chaotic

character parallels: lily (dash & lily, 2020) , amélie poulain (amélie, 2001) , belle in some ways lmao (beauty and the beast, 1991) more to be added.

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 .

* friends, best friends, etc. — literally any friends at all. this is the connection she craves the most tbh. platonic over romantic periodt ! she just wants people to braid her hair and have deep, personal convos with about literally anything while legally blonde is on the television.

* a bad influence — i mean, she stayed inside mostly & is kind of an introvert. didn’t have tons of friends either, so she didn’t really have time to go to parties, etc. BE A BAD INFLUENCE SHE NEEDS TO LET LOOSE LMAOO. it’ll prolly take a lot to get her out but hey

* good influence — someone she’s a good influence on & who she helps in some way. i could see it happenin’. if you see it happening, i mean... hmu you know where i am mwah 💖

* crush — someone she’s head over heels with. i mean, it probably wouldn’t take a lot. in my head she be catching feelings way too fast. it’s just a thing, but yeah, it could go either way. maybe your character is into her too or she’ll end up getting her heart broken which is lmao bound to happen one day. could also be someone who’s crushing on her but she’s way to busy focusing all her romantic attention on someone else to notice? idk i’m just here for all the plots.

* annoyance — someone who finds her ass annoying/does not like her. she wants everyone to like her so it would be so confusing and upsetting and she would be like wtf did i do but i want it cause i love angst. sorry to all my muses out there luv yall but i’m just bein real

* again, anything at all — if you have an idea that you love, pls don’t hesitate to hmu and lemme know. i promise i will 99.9% of the time be down. the same goes for any wanted connection doodads that i reblog like if u see it and ur like omg i luv that... PLEASE hmu i luv u all already & just wanna have plots and write with you srsly

#irvingintro #well there u have it my last one done i am so THANKFUL AND HAPPY #takes a bow #the way it's almost 4 am see i did not lie i am up forever

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champagne-bucky · 5 years

Text

I.O.U.: II

Summary: Bucky is tired of the youngest Avenger having all of Steve's attention.

Warnings: age gap (reader is of age), smut, dub/non con, dark!Bucky

Notes: Here’s part 2!! I hope you enjoy it! Please reblog, like, comment, and follow me for more :)

You awoke to the sunlight peeking through. The sheets wrapped securely around your body. Stretching, you made your way to get dressed for another day of recon.

Making your way to the bathroom, you brushed your teeth and fixed your hair before heading to the lobby to take advantage of the free breakfast and coffee. Just then you hear someone groan.

“Wakey, wakey, sleepyheads. Gotta whole day of recon ahead of us.” You cheerfully said as you walked downstairs.

You decided you weren’t going to let Bucky seeing your body ruin this mission. Every one has a body, it’s just you put yours out on fully display for the person who hates you the most. Running back to the room, both boys were up and ready to get going.

“How was breakfast, did they have your favorite apple juice.” Bucky teased again. He honestly has no right to be talking to you like that considering a mere few hours ago he was jerking off to your ass and pussy.

“Ha ha very funny Barnes, should’ve been a comedian instead of a soldier.” You jabbed back while heading to the car.

—

Today was more serious, you were posted back on on your usual spot just waiting for any suspicious activity, but nothing. Until, you see a man giving the infamous Hydra gesture to a woman running a bakery.

That’s odd.

You figure you might as well call it in. At least Sam and Bucky can track someone down.

Sam and Bucky were posted outside the bakery waiting for their guy to come out. They knew that one slip up would be enough to take the agents out. It was basically confirmed that this was Hydra territory.

“You wanna do the honors or should I?” Bucky asks Sam.

“Please, after me.” Sam get up and busts through the door.

Fucking show off.

Bucky cocks his gun ready to fight.

—

You lay on the grassy hills in shock watching the scene unfold. Bucky and Sam managed to take out a full building of Hydra agents and you were just sitting like a duck. The village was starting to become more vacant as people were clearing the streets and hiding out.

“Hey Y/N, we need back up. Nows your time to shine.” Sam called.

You raced down the hills and stealthily made your way through the village. You hadn’t used you powers since the Thanos fight, so you may be a little rusty. However, you proved yourself wrong and began blasting agents left and right. It seemed like there were so many occupying this area.

Meanwhile, Bucky and Sam were clearing another building to get the files. Once Bucky has them uploaded they began to make their way out. That is until a bomb decided to go off.

You heard the explosion coming from the distance and levitated you way over. Assessing the damage, unwanted anger rose within you. Bucky and Sam were probably in there. Why else did Hydra choose to bomb this building? Just then the sound of a gun clicking behind your head draws your attention.

“Now, now, little one. Just come with us and we can help you. We don’t want to hurt you.” An agent looked at you with a smirk.

Tears started forming in your eyes. Sam and Bucky. They were gone, or at least, suffocating under the buildings rubble. You didn’t know what happened you just snapped. They’ve been through way too much to die like this. You were fuming and the aura around your body was turning bright blue. Then, you blinked.

You don't know what you did. All you know is that there was tons of dead bodies surround you. It looked as if a bigger bomb went off.

"Sam? Bucky?" You yelled out as you began to move chunks of the building away.

Suddenly, you saw Bucky's metal hand beneath the rubble. You levitated the crumbled concrete off of them and freed them. They staggered out clearly hurt, various bruises and trickles of blood all over their bodies.

"Kid," Sam looked around at the scene, “ what did you do?”

Finally being able to look around at the damage, you couldn’t help but gasp. Hundreds upon hundreds of bodies laid on the ground, motionless. You stood frozen, tears threatening to spill.

I killed all these people.

While some were Hydra agents you knew you killed innocent civilians as well. You didn’t even realize the gravel shifting below your knees and the hand on your shoulder until it pulled you up.

“C’mon, let’s get out of here.” Sam ushered you to the car.

—

Bucky was throughly impressed. He always underestimated you, but this time you proved yourself beyond worthy regarding your place on the team. However, you didn’t think so.

Boarding the jet, you sat in the back, knees up to your chest, emotionless. So many bodies littered throughout that village, and they just left them there to rot. Well, they wouldn’t rot, surely the government or S.H.I.E.L.D were notified to take care of the problem.

Sleep didn’t come easy that night. You were tossing and turning so much that Bucky yelled at you to pipe down, stupid enhanced hearing. The boys on the other hand didn’t seemed phased at all. They’ve both seen worse, it’s just that they never thought you were strong enough to wipe out a whole village.

When the jet made its way back to the compound, you attempted to run and hide to your room before Sam caught you.

“Whoa, whoa, hold up. Listen, kid, you did what you had to do. It’s not your fault. You actually saved us a lot of trouble. So don’t lose any sleep over what happened. Bucky and I have seen and done much worse trust me.” Sam offered you a kind smile before letting you go.

—

Turns out, Steve was held up for a few more days, meaning you were living in a constant state of anxiety. Steve would be beyond pissed when he found out what happened. He’d probably even kick you off the team.

Bucky realized this and the wheels in his head started turning. Ever since that night he couldn’t get you off his mind. The person he hated the most became his new guilty pleasure. Over the next few days at the compound, he would secretly be following you around. He knew your routine down pat by now, although knowing how much honey you put in your tea isn’t exactly something he cared to know about you. No, Bucky wanted more. He wanted to see your body again, wanted to undress it, kiss it, play with it. He wanted you under him withering and begging for more. Bucky wouldn’t say he had a crush on you, he still is mad that you garner all of Steve’s attention, he just wants you body sexually and nothing more.

He needed a plan. He needed you, craved for you, but how would he get you? Drunken one nights stands weren’t exactly your thing, hell he’s pretty sure he’s never seen you touch a bottle. Friends with benefits? Nah, you gotta be friends first before that happens. Bucky became obsessed with you more and more as the hours passed.

On laundry day, he was trying to dry his clothes when he saw that somebody, you, never came back down to get your stuff.

Just a little peak won’t hurt anybody right?

Like a madman, Bucky started to dig through your garments. Bras, shorts, shirts, and then he found them, panties. He pick them out and laid them on top of the dryer. Inspecting each one.

Looks like we have a naughty little thing on our hands don’t we?

Bucky chuckles darkly and he picks up your deep red lace thong. He smiles and takes a deep long whiff. He wants you to be wearing these when he fucks you for the first time. He imagines you right now: ass up, breast hanging, your tight little pussy begging to be pounded.

I’ll start off slow. Feel her up a little, get her all nice and wet for me. Fuckkkk she’s gonna be a mess. A few spanks here and there, maybe fill her mouth up, then the show begins.

Bucky subconsciously put his hand with the panties in his pants and started to jerk off. He’s thinking again. Thinking of all the things he’s do.

I’m gonna ruin that brat. Gonna show her she’s nothing more than my whore. Gonna show Steve his innocent baby is a filthy cock slut. Gonna tie her down, blindfold her, spank her, fuck I’m gonna make her feel me till the day she dies.

Bucky came again. Hard. He came through his pants and dirtied the clean underwear.

“Well, that’s going back in the hamper.”

Bucky chuckles before stuffing the panties in his pocket

—

Sleep doesn’t come easy to you anymore. You lay awake at night, tossing and turning, every time you shut your eyes the dead bodies are there. A killer, murderer, monster, you can see all the headlines now.

AVENGER SLAUGHTERS HUNDREDS IN FRANCE.

How were you ever to face Steve and tell him? You can’t imagine his face, he’s gonna be fuming. What will the team think of you? I’m sure Tony will try and lock you away, maybe they’ll stabilize you powers like they did to you and Wanda. God that hurt. You were born with your powers so stabilizing that part of your body is basically like half of your body dying.

You were a mess. Bags under your eyes constantly, sleep deprived, you missed about all of your schedule training sessions with Sam. Sam understood though, he knows being surrounded by all that death and gore takes a toll on a person one way or another, he just didn’t think you would take it so hard considering the circumstances.

Bucky was getting antsy. He would see you leave you room less and less. Surely you has been skipping some meals, you looked weak and pale. In that moment Bucky actually has sympathy for you. When he was the soldier he was constantly axing people off left and right. He remembers the screams, cries, blood, he shivers at the thought and pushes them back in his mind. He need to make his move, fast. You haven’t noticed the missing panties yet, not that you would be able to recognize them now.

Bucky thought about sneaking into your room while you were asleep. Maybe grab himself a fresh pair of panties and jack off to your unconscious body, but you don’t sleep anymore. He would walk past your room at night and try to find out if you were awake, he would hear your soft cries and the bed moving every second. He knows you need this, something to take the edge off.

—-

“Alright kid, you’ve wallowed long enough. I’m tired of you dodging our training sessions. If you expect to be pulling your own on this team then I suggest you get your ass down to the training room in 5 minutes.” Sam yelled at you.

Sam has enough of your despair. You didn’t understand why. People died and you were the cause of it all. Bucky watched your altercation with Sam. He didn’t understand either. He guessed you were afraid of how Steve would react. To be fair, Steve didn’t want you out on the field in combat, so maybe she’s worried he’ll get mad at her for that.

Bucky saw you slump on couch, sulking. He decided to talk to you. This was just an opportunity for him to get close to you, he really couldn’t care less about hearing what you had to say.

“What’s you problem.” He asks.

“I killed them,” tears are starting to form again, “all those innocent people are dead because of me.”

Innocent?

Then, something clicked in Bucky’s head. It was evil sure, but he need to feel something with you again.

“Steve’s going to kill me, Bucky. He’s gonna kick me off the team for sure.” You start crying.

“Steve’s not gonna kill you, because he’s not gonna find out.” Bucky finally spoke.

“Huh?”

“I’ll do you a favor. I’ll tell Stevie you were an angel the whole time. I’ll tell him I ordered you to do the strike. You didn’t want to, got it? In return you gotta do something for me okay?”

You eyes lit up. Bucky’s showing you actual kindness, a hint of friendship even?

“Yes, yes, Bucky, thank you! I’ll do anything for you I swear, whatever you want!” You smiled and hugged Bucky. He got a little hard when you tits pressed against his chest.

You walked down to the training room. Bucky knew what he was doing. It was awful, but it would be worth it in the end. You both needed this. You both wanted it, even if you didn’t admit it.

You thought those people were innocent? I guess that falls on Bucky. He remembered when he got back to his room after France. That lone mission report he was suppose to give you, he forgot. He’s glad he did though. Bucky didn’t have the guts to tell you that they weren’t innocent people. You single handily wiped out an entire village full of Hydra agents in disguise. That was one less base to worry about. Really saved them months of work trying to tear it down. Of course he was gonna tell Steve. It would get out eventually when it makes national news. However, Bucky would never tell you that.

tags: reblog to be added!!

@lacontroller1991 @ladifreakingda @chipilerendi @crookedlymassivecrown

#dark!bucky barnes #dark!bucky x reader #bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes #bucky barnes smut #dark!bucky

943 notes · View notes

molusca · 3 years

Note

she apologized for how she handled the situation and apologized for brushing off someone's honest criticisms as hate. what more is she meant to do? throw herself onto a pyre? is she not allowed to feel lousy that this whole thing blew up in her face? because she's an adult and she made a mistake, she's not allowed to be sad or stressed? she's still an imperfect human. apologizing immediately usually means people are still sensitive to their own hurt of being called out because it's fresh and on their mind so it tends to slip into their apology, but if she had waited any longer to compose herself, you guys would probably have an issue with how long she took. also, in aaaaaallll of this, I've have yet to once see what exactly about her work is so problematic? I've read her fic and I personally can't see anything wrong, although I will admit that yes, I'm a white ciswoman but I'd like to think I'm aware of negative tropes. but the only thing touted is "it made an mlm uncomfortable" but HOW??? honestly, I want to know! if anything so I can avoid doing the same thing! how is anyone meant to learn when you're not bringing up these points as often as you're explicitly laying out the problems in her apology and whatnot. I've seen 6 posts about how shit the apology was and for why and I've not once seen the original comment detailing why the fic was problematic, and I've been looking on twit, tumblr, insta, and ao3. if it's been deleted, why isn't anyone stating again and again what's wrong? also, if someone is making fic/art you don't like, don't. interact. with. it. there's tons of stuff on ao3 and twit that I don't like, some of it that I think is disgusting (do you know how many fics there are with keith/kosmos?) and I just scroll past it cause it can't hurt me if I don't read it. there's one artist that's pretty popular on Twitter and I personally really hate they way they draw klance but it's all over my tl. I respect that person's art style and creativeness and keep on moving. other people enjoy it, good for them. and if I start reading something and get surprised with something I dont like, I leave! find people who write things you like and stop engaging with creators who's things you don't like, as far as I know no one is holding a gun to your head making you read problematic fic. also for as much as you rag on her for the words she used to apologize, you don't seem to be considering your own words when offering criticism. if Taylor mistook the person's words as hate, couldn't it have been because the way he worded the complaint was done hatefully? lastly, no one, absolutely no one, is required to talk about world issues when they're running a fandom account,no matter how "big" they are. we all know what's going on in the world, we're surrounded by sad and stressful stories practically 24/7 and if someone isn't, they're probably curating their social feeds to be that way (like you should do when it come to kl content creators you don't like). people sending hate in Taylor's defense are in the wrong I agree, and this isn't hate its critism its a discussion, but Taylor isn't responsible for, how many people did you say? 16k on twit? even if she said hey guys stop, you think they would? she's can't control all those people and expecting her to is nonsense. I see so many younger fans expecting perfection in their fandoms and that just isn't going to happen. yes we should be striving to be better but no one is ever going to be perfect. not you, not me, not the mlm person, not Taylor, not anyone on any side of this argument. the only way to avoid this kind of circular dog piling and hate sending is to better curate your fandom experience by ignore those you have issues with.- 🦛

she apologized for how she handled the situation and apologized for brushing off someone's honest criticisms as hate. what more is she meant to do?

im pretty sure i said its good that she realizes she handled it poorly. but she makes the whole apology about this, doesnt directly talk about the issues and i know someone went to her to talk about it. also, it took her a day to say something about it so it wasnt exactly immediate (in the sense people had already stopped talking about it but that doesnt mean they werent still bothered). the apology was directed at mlm, and i havent seen one saying it felt genuine. of couse she can be hurt but when you apologize to a marginalized group the focus shouldnt be your feelings, but the feelings of the ones you have hurt.

I've have yet to once see what exactly about her work is so problematic?

she admits to be projecting on lance. so she makes him very femine and keith very masculine. and ok, gay couples like that do exist, but she is a woman projecting in this situation so this bothers people. putting mlm in this position is a harmful steriotype, bc it feels very heterosexual. this is a trope, it unfortunately happens a lot and its harmful. women need to be aware of what they are representing when drawing/writing mlm because well, real mlm are going to see it, and no one likes to feel like a fetish to others. and its not our place to question if the criticism is right or wrong when we are not mlm, so if you read this and think “but thats not a problem thats not a fetish etc” well, its not your place to judge that. theres more to it and you probably could get a better answer from a mlm sorry.

if someone is making fic/art you don't like, don't. interact. with. it. there's tons of stuff on ao3 and twit that I don't like, some of it that I think is disgusting (do you know how many fics there are with keith/kosmos?) and I just scroll past it cause it can't hurt me if I don't read it.

please, lets not compare a minority pointing out harmful tropes with. something fucking illegal.

as you said, you are a cis woman, of course its not going to hurt you in this case. but if people are making harmful content its not a simple matter of “dont interact with it” because they will still be promoting it, other people are going to read it, and media influences how we see minorities so of course people will not like when they see bad portrayal of them. also, tumblr sucks so even if you want to just “dont interact with it” its hard because even after blocking you can still cross the content of someone. not sure how it works on twitter but anyway this discussion started on tumblr and tumblr doesnt stop people who were bothered by her to avoid her by blocking.

if Taylor mistook the person's words as hate, couldn't it have been because the way he worded the complaint was done hatefully?

i think she deleted the ask by now, but i dont remember the ask being hateful. i remember someone asking if she was a fujoshi, and another person mentioned that mlm didnt like the way she portrayals klance. i dont remember it being hateful. but again, she apologized for handling it badly. its just that she stops there.

no one, absolutely no one, is required to talk about world issues when they're running a fandom account,no matter how "big" they are. we all know what's going on in the world, we're surrounded by sad and stressful stories practically 24/7 and if someone isn't, they're probably curating their social feeds to be that way

ignoring world issues is a privilege. if someone is able to turn off from all the problems in the world, its a privilige. yes no one should talk aobut it all the time thats not even healthy, but to never talk about it is a privilege. thats what black people are saying, they cant just turn off from racism, so yes they are going to expect white people to do something. online honestly i cant do shit, i dont think anything i reblog here does a difference and i do what i can in my own country, but she has a plataform that could help bring awareness. again, its a privilege to be able to curate your social media to be a perfect happy place.

even if she said hey guys stop, you think they would? she's can't control all those people and expecting her to is nonsense.

maybe they wouldnt, but if people were doing this type of thing in my name, in my defense, i would at least say something about it idk. she cant control them but she makes nothing to show that she disagrees or look for the people being harassed to say something about it.

the only way to avoid this kind of circular dog piling and hate sending is to better curate your fandom experience by ignore those you have issues with.

when it comes to simple things like “i prefer taller lance and i dont like taller keith” yeah, its fine to ignore people who draw taller keith and move on with your life or something like that. but we are talking about mlm, a real group of people, being upset for being portrayed in a harmful and steriotype way. its everywhere in fandom, and in real life. they cant escape from real life, and then they come to fandom where everyone wants some escapism and have to deal with more issues. its tiring

#well. good morning #anon

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padme-amitabha · 4 years

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Related to your reblog, I honest to God have no idea what "realistic" means to the TCW producers and the fanboys? Anakin was a literal teenager when he got with Padmé and later married her, and he hadn't spent much time on his own (first he was a slave, later he spent his entire teenagehood in the Jedi order), so he hadn't much time to mature himself emotionally. And while Padmé was order, considering that she had dedicated most of her teenagehood and youth to work, she too wasn't that (1/2)

(2/2) experienced in the romantic field as well. None of them was. Their romance WAS MEANT to be this awkward but pure and loving thing that it was in the movie. Both Hayden and Natalie got a ton of shit for playing the characters as they should have been played.

Exactly which is why he acts so awkward. They both are inexperienced and they act like it. I honestly feel like it made the nerds feel awkward because they can’t deal with reality and hate seeing themselves in Anakin. People say they got no chemistry, I say why must they have to look like a typical action movie couple in the first place? They were meant to be inexperienced people who just wanted to be free from social expectations. As for “cheesy” dialogue, the republic era was a completely different age and it has many similarities with the roman empire. Read any historical love letters and you’ll see that’s exactly how they express affection. And the dialogues are meant to show that Anakin is struggling to express himself and desperately trying to convey his feelings.

And their standards of realism probably mean how they want to see themselves, not how they really are. Anakin in TCW is completely fine flirting with a slaver queen (ik its for a mission but he didn’t seem triggered enough). And if TCW starts off after AOTC why is he always joking around as if his mom didn’t die quite recently and he didn’t lose control and slaughter a lot of people? That should have been the exact explanation as to why he was never the same again and is even more moody and serious in ROTS. Also I think the 2003 CW was a masterpiece and stayed true to the characters I envisioned. Even without much dialogue the scenes are powerful and you can still see his conflict.

I would like to point out the Padme in the novels is completely different like she’s just as adventurous and reckless as Luke. Firstly in TPM her life is in danger and yet she goes to explore this unknown world out of curiosity and then bets on the Gungans as diversion to win back her planet; it’s a very reckless move on her part but speaks about her character. Just like Luke in ESB in AOTC she’s the one who convinces Anakin to rescue Obi-Wan and she won’t take no for an answer, while Anakin wants to obey orders and stay where they were. Anakin was actually very deferential to authority figures and it came naturally to him due to his past and he actually respected his superiors, another trait that made complete sense but was changed to please said fans.This is why Obi-Wan was shocked to see Anakin question him in AOTC because that was not usual behavior for him.

And considering movie version of Padme, are you telling me it’s the same woman who tells Anakin in TCW that she’s busy and got no time for him and then he guilt trips her like isn't that a form of emotional abuse? Even worse when he uses her words against her she acts super petty about it. My interpretation as to why they fell for each other was because they could be themselves around each other and not let society tell them what to do.

And in the novelization Padme’s a very playful and lighthearted person. She is the one who makes the first move like touching his face and stuff like that. Maybe that’s because she was a very affectionate person in general but that is why Anakin has the courage to make a move on her in return in the lake scene. She’s also very understanding and non-judgmental like she tries to put him at ease when they visit her home. She’s there to balance out Anakin’s more serious and moody demeanor, and that’s the dynamic I would have loved to see. I think she was the one who would have encouraged him to have his own thoughts and stop following the authority blindly - and without her Vader never goes against Palpatine until Luke shows up and again encourages him to “break free”. Padme’s meant to be similar to Luke and they are both good-hearted and kind individuals, while Anakin and Leia are much more serious, ambitious and more invested in their work. At least that’s my interpretation of the Skywalkers. Tbh I am highly selective of all SW material that are not episodes I-VI.

#anakin skywalker #padme amidala #anidala #my thoughts

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crosbymalkin871 · 4 years

Text

The Price of Love (1/?)

CHAPTER TITLE: All It Takes is One Huge Paycheck…

RATING: M PAIRINGS/CHARACTERS: E. Malkin/S. Crosby

CHAPTER WARNINGS/KINK: Alcohol, Foul Language, mentions of Prostitution, Mario Lemieux, vague allusions to Smut

AUTHOR’S NOTE: FINALLY! AFTER FOUR-FIVE MONTHS OF NO HOCKEY, THE LACK OF MOTIVATION, AND ME ACTUALLY NOT HAVING TO DEAL WITH A LOT OF STRESS, I’M FINALLY BACK!!!! Originally I wanted to post this the night of game 1, but shit happened and then I tried to post it before game 2, but y’all are getting it today! XD As a piece of compensation on my end, chapter 2 will be posted on Sunday evening. I promise, and if I don’t keep my word, bash me in the head with a hockey stick until I get a concussion.

Before you all begin reading, I just have to say thank you to everyone who has messaged me their excitement and their support throughout these difficult moments, it really means a lot. I also wish to extend my appreciation to 3 specific individuals: my friends @justinschultzy & @eafay70, and my dear Zhenya aka @cakemakethme (who will also be my Beta from chapter 2 or 3 onward). You three were the ones I continuously messaged updates on and your cheerleading was what ended up leading me to finishing this. So thank you very, very much! xxx

I have been wanting to write this fic for…gosh, maybe 2-3 years now and it’s finally being presented to all of you. I’m so excited for everyone to read it and to join me on this insane rollercoaster that is The Price of Love. With that all said and done I hope you all enjoy it, like and reblog, and I will (hopefully) post more sometime in the near future.

DISCLAIMER: I am not the owner of the Pittsburgh Penguins, or are associated with anyone in the NHL. I just have a very strong imagination.

A variety of noises ring out in Geno’s ears.

“Beer, over here!”

“Four sangrias for table three.”

“Vodka. Straight.”

“Whisky on the rocks.”

“Daiquiri. Make it a double.”

“Two champagne cocktails for table seven.”

Orders just keep coming and coming. He had been tossing and filling up a number of glasses and flutes for hours, sending them out left and right at the bar with almost no chance of having a small break in between. It was alright though, he grew used to it throughout his years of being one of the many favored bartenders at the Emperor Nightclub.

That, and he gets some real good money out of it, collecting all the large tips he gets whenever he cleans up the dirtied tables afterward.

With he and Tanger, his best friend and the other tender manning the bar, it feels like a marathon— albeit an easy one— to serve the feisty ladies and semi-agro men currently trying to take over the club.

The Emperor Nightclub is still up and running as the night starts to grow late. With a birthday bunch, a small group of ladies having a girl’s night, a married couple looking for a partner or two to join their bed (whether they were open or poly, Geno wasn’t sure), and college graduates dominating the patrons tonight along with the regulars— the nightclub roars as if it is New Year’s Eve in NYC instead of any other weekend in Pittsburgh.

No empty space could be seen on sight from where he was standing, with new patrons coming in the later part of the night, while the earlier patrons have made the decision to stay even after hours of partying and hollering.

Geno was given a small break as the crowd in front of the bar disperses, having been satisfied with the drinks they were given, taking whatever leftover bills he was given as a form of tip.

So far, it was a relatively good night for him.

Well…until a small, very familiar group came in, with the leader catching his eye like he usually does.

Being a bartender at a pretty famous nightclub in Pittsburgh, he sees a whole spectrum of people walking in and out of the nightclub’s doors: with some of them wanting to down tons and tons of alcohol that’ll make them black out until tomorrow afternoon, and others being on the prowl for someone to either take to their car, a nearby hotel, or even the nightclub’s bathroom.

One of them was about three or four, sometimes even more, prostitutes that are part of the latter category, but that doesn’t mean that they won’t take the time to chat with the bartenders, something that always brightened Geno’s night, especially when he was continuously swamped with drink orders…

…which is how Geno’s break ends: more people clamoring to the bar.

As of on cue, the moment that he continues to engage in dealing with patron’s drinks, the orders come rolling in even faster that he almost skipped a beat. From the corner of his eye, he could see the expression on Tanger’s face becoming more focused as his orders keep coming in with some extra flirting and touching from the patrons on his part.

He snorts at that. While Geno didn’t necessarily mind a customer or two coming up to flirt with him, he was never really interested in them, only responding back just to make their night a little bit better.

Out of all of his friends, it was Tanger that got the most attention from the patrons, with he following at a close second. It made sense because the French-Canadian looked like a supermodel. And himself? Well he wasn’t really sure if American people have a thing for foreigners like him, but he continuously gets complimented on his ability to wear a suit. So he considers that a plus.

His other friend, Dumo, tended to get third; primarily because he got a lot of attention from the college kids, either doing an insane number of shots or just randomly asking about his athletic abilities. Needless to say, it was very amusing to watch him wrack attention from the younger crowd. Though if anybody were to catch his eye, they should be aware of how damn good a cook he was.

The other two bartenders, Big Rig and Schultzy, also managed to garner themselves some attention from the patrons. Big Rig, for his height as he stood almost 7 feet tall (much taller than Geno), and Schultzy, for his happy-go-lucky personality. It was always something that made event the downiest of drinkers smile a little.

Even if he feels just a tad overwhelmed by the all of the drinks he has to quickly make, getting a glimpse of dark, curly black hair and a thick, white fur coat was enough to quell his nerves.

“You all need some additional help?”

A voice comes from Geno’s left side and it makes him jump a little (but not enough to make him mess up an order, which he has done before and has given the person who scared him a very stern talking to). He looks over to see who it was and finds Dumo standing there with his usual laid-back smile. Geno may or may not have breathed out a small sigh of relief at his arrival.

“Possibly, considering that G has been trying to catch a glimpse of Sid rather than seeing how much booze he’s pouring in.” Tanger smirks, placing at Geno teasingly.

Geno rolled his eyes and answered with a scoff. “Yeah. Like you not staring at Flower too, Tanger.” He feels a little vindication when seeing the French-Canadian man scowl in return. “But help always needed, Dumo. Things getting a bit out of hand and no one planning on going home soon.” Even though he knows he’ll get teased about it even more, his eyes couldn’t help wander off around the club, looking at all the excitement that is still going strong.

And again, seeing black curls and a white fur coat— Sid was his name— releases some of the tension in his shoulders.

“Alright then.” Dumo clapped his hands before he started to roll his sleeves of his button-up. “No one is really wanting drinks on my end of the bar, might as well waste time by giving you guys a hand.”

Neither Tanger or Geno responded to him as he already accepted his first round of orders from the loud frat boys and flighty sorority girls welcoming him, leaving the other two to tend the ones lining up at their respective corners.

Within the next minute or so, all three of them found themselves falling into a rhythm as they worked side-by-side, the drinks continuing to flow out and tips continuing to flow in. And with more patrons visiting the bar, come more even more orders and even more tips.

The extra pair of hands certainly help a lot in making the work feel a whole lot easier.

Dumo serves every patron that tries to start a conversation with him, listen to their problems in one ear while paying attention to orders in the other. He also subtly brushes off any flirty advances, but he does throw a smile here and a wink there to please all who are openly staring at him. He even does a little dance to the beat of the music as a little extra entertainment.

“Should’ve been a stripper, Dumo.” Tanger tells him as he stuffs some more bills into his pockets. “Missed the chance to be Magic Mike in Hollywood, but there’s still a chance here.”

Geno snorts as he slides a mint julep down the bar.

“Ha ha. Very funny, Tanger,” Dumo states unamused. “Can say the same about you too.”

Tanger just flips him off while Geno snorts again.

Eventually, the orders died down and the patrons scattered about. Dumo returned to the other bar on the opposite side of the room with Schultzy and Big Rig, while Tanger cleaned up any spilled alcohol left on the bar top.

Geno, meanwhile, began pouring more cocktails, glasses of wine, and laying more beer bottles onto a tray; but these were for any of the people hugging their half-full drinks, or for the tables that were littered with empty glasses and lime wedges.

No. This tray of drinks are for a certain group that he had noticed earlier.

Carefully, yet a little giddily, he manages to carry the tray single-handedly, and without spilling a single drop of liquor, all the way to a very specific table within the Emperor Nightclub.

As he walks closer and closer, the wild pacing of his heartbeat grows more and more. When he finally reaches the table, standing behind the object of his secret affections, he quietly gulps and places a gentle hand on his fur-covered shoulder.

The man stops whatever he was doing and turns around to look at him. And Geno swears he could feel his breath escaping his lungs and his rapidly-beating heart stopping.

Aside from their beautiful curly hair, the man also had the prettiest brown eyes and the biggest, most kissable lips imaginable (not that the bartender would ever admit that to him). He also had on an outfit that was not afraid to show off his…well, assets; outside of the white fur coat, he wore a white crop top with a red maple leaf on it, black leather shorts that magically fits his ass, and past those long, thick legs were a pair of black stripped high-heels that decorated his feet.

Sid smiles kindly at him, his teeth showing behind those glossed lips. “Hi, Geno.” he calls in his deep yet sweet-sounding voice. It didn’t sound flirtatious or seductive, which is normally how he talked to his clients, with the bartender, he always sounded genuine and pleasantly happy to see him serving drinks to him and his friends.

Geno nervously smiled back. “H-Hey, Sid,” he replies, silently curing himself for stammering in front of a prostitute who he may or may not have a big crush on. “Flower, Segway, Mitch,” he also greeted, who were all looking at him before he grabbed Sid’s attention. He began setting down the cocktails, wine, and beer. “Here are usual orders.”

The three other men accepted their drinks: a margarita, a beer, and a glass of white wine, respectively.

Still smiling, Sid happily accepted his cosmopolitan, plucking a strawberry off the skewer that was resting atop the martini glass. “Thanks, G,” he says before popping the mini strawberry into his mouth. “I know everyone has their favorite bartenders, but I still say you make the best cocktails.”

Hearing that from Sid (and watching him eat a simple piece of fruit) was enough to bring a blush and a dumbstruck smile to Geno’s face. “H-Heh…Thanks, Sid.”

Sid nods, eyes shining with a glint of something as he takes a sip of his cocktail.

It was a small moment or two of awkward (on the bartender’s part at least) silence before he coughed. “I, uhm, I’m best get back to work, so…bye.” With that, he quickly flees back to the bar.

(As he did so, he heard the soft giggles coming from Sid, but he failed to see him lightly admonish his friends as they smirked at the obvious crush the bartender had.)

After that little incident, Geno spent the rest of the night catering to any other patron that walked up and asked for— or sloppily demanded— drinks. Whenever he had a spare moment or two, he would glance up at table eight, watching the small group of friends chatting, laughing, and attempting to flirt with some of the other patrons that would stop by their table.

Part of Geno’s heart crumbled whenever he saw Sid respond to some of the men’s flirtatious mannerisms, whether it be throwing out seductive words, or a teasing touch, or even a tickle of breath or the faint press of lips.

He knows Sid isn’t tied down to someone. Why would he, the man was a prostitute after all. But that didn’t mean watching him act like that with others didn’t hurt.

From the moment he first met Sid, back when they were teenagers to young adults and Geno had just started working at the Emperor Nightclub, he always harbored secretly feelings for the young Canadian. He remembered the first time he ever plucked up the courage to speak to him and slide him a cocktail: one of his first attempts at a watermelon cooler, too easy of a drink to mess up on.

It was a bit strong on the booze and not fruity enough, but Sid didn’t tell him that. He just smiled and thanked him in a voice that oozed sensuality and charm, throwing in a wink for good measure. When he saw how awkwardly the bartender responded to it— by stammering and not completely picking up the subtle cue— he dropped the act, apologizing for making him feel awkward. To which Geno has to apologize as well, because he didn’t meant to make the moment awkward, he just wasn’t good at responding to someone who was cute like him.

That made Sid pause and blush, looking away from the bartender for a split second before gazing back up at him, a gentle smile on his face. This caused Geno to smile back, the both of them feeling a bit more relaxed than before. When the awkwardness of it all faded away, the two of them began to chat during the bartender’s break, or whenever he would get a breather from serving. In those small conversations, he realized that the flirty prostitute was actually…very dorky.

A dorky man who had a passion for history, craved mozzarella sticks and cheesecake, and had a strong affinity for sports just like he once did. And he had the goofiest laugh Geno had ever heard and thought it adorable. Seeing this, Sid’s true colors was what made him slowly start to fall in love.

But deep down, he knew that Sid would never feel the same about him. To him, it was fairly certain that he would get rejected upon confessing his feelings. So, in every encounter the two had after that, Geno would simply swallow his feelings and allowed Sid to flirt and be affectionate with other men that weren’t him.

They were just friends, nothing more.

(Although he can’t help but secretly wish for that to change one day).

Geno sighed sadly and began to untie his apron, ready to go into the staff room and change back into his regular clothes when Tanger tapped him on the shoulder. He looked over at him, ready to tie his apron back on, when he sees him pointing to the stairs near the back of the nightclub.

Coming down the stairs was owner Mario Lemieux.

He turned back to Tanger, brow raised. “So? He does that a lot.”

“Yeah he makes his rounds like he usually does, but does he ever personally come to us for anything? Usually it’s Jen that does it for him.” Tanger points out as they see Mario making his way over to the bar areas.

Geno hummed. He had a fair point, usually it was Jen, Mario’s personal assistant, that went and searched for them whenever he needed to have a conversation with them. In any other instance, the bartender would not hesitate to flee whenever he could, but she would usually find him in the end.

But Mario himself coming out to talk to one— or maybe all of them— was highly unusual.

It was even more unusual when he realizes that Mario coming towards him. He didn’t know whether he should run, or accept whatever was going to be handed to him.

Still tying his apron back on just in case, he meets Mario halfway: near the dance floor but not that far from the tables.

“Ah, Geno,” he says as the bartender comes up to him. “I was just coming to talk to you.”

“Need me to stay extra hours?” he asked, seconds away from letting out a tired sigh. He doesn’t like the idea of staying later than 1 or 2 AM on most days, but if the boss says so, he’ll make an exception.

“No, actually,” Mario shakes head making Geno confused. “I wanted to give you something.” He hands the bartender an envelope.

Taking it, Geno still looked confused as to what it was until he opened it, then his eyes widened in shock.

“Boss, are you— Are you serious?!” he exclaimed as he looked between the envelope in his hand, then back at Mario.

“It’s just little bonus, if you will, for being one of my best workers.”

“This more than bonus and you know it!”

Mario placated him by resting a hand on his shoulder. “As I said, you deserve it,” he reassured. “I know it’s more than what you normally make, and more than the other bonuses I give, but there’s nothing wrong with giving a little bit more to hard workers like you.”

Geno gazed back down at the envelope. Inside was a bonus check of over $10,000.

“But—”

“No buts.” Mario tells him seriously. “I mean it. You’ve been very dedicated to your work from the beginning, even if you were completely new to it. But you quickly improved over time and became a favorite amongst The Emperor’s patrons. It’s not hard to see why, Geno. So, go on, take the extra bonus. Do whatever you want with it, a gift from me to you.”

With that, he gave the bartender a pat on the back before heading back upstairs to his office.

The whole time, Geno’s eyes never left the check.

It was a large amount of money. In fact, it was double than what he normally makes for a bonus: $5000 at most, but if his boss said that he deserved it…well, who was he to deny himself a paycheck like this.

Finally, his eyes left the large sum of money, trailing back to the beautiful prostitute that was still sitting at table eight.

Maybe…maybe his chance had finally come. He may not be able to have a proper relationship with Sid, but he could at least spend one magical night with him, for however long he could make it.

He didn’t know what Sid charged for his services, but he hoped ten thousand dollars was enough to satisfy him (he was sure that it was, he was just being really nervous about confronting him).

Gulping, the bartender slowly— and anxiously— makes his way back to table eight. Along the way, he tries to remember all of the fancy restaurants that are in Pittsburgh, and there are quiet a number of them within the city and the surrounding area.

There was the Altius that has an amazing view of the city… the Monterey Bay Fish Grotto is one of the most famous restaurants… LeMont has been around for decades and is still highly regarded… most of the locals would know about the Grand Concourse… since he liked boats, one of the Gateway Clipper’s Dining Cruises would be nice…

Maybe the Hyeholde since it almost be like dining at a castle… the Carlton has a lot of national recognition… Bravo! Italian Kitchen has a good menu and they do have creme brûlée...

Or…he may just happen to like the Cheesecake Factory instead.

Before he could even make a final decision on what he was going to say, he was standing right in front of Sid (or behind, since his back was turned to him). Luckily for him, his other friends were either out on the dance floor or chatting up the other bartenders; maybe they were in the back lounges, but Geno doesn’t really care, he needed to focus on his main objective right now: gaining Sid’s attention, even if it was for one night.

Reaching a hand out, he hesitates for a split second before he decides to gently tap Sid on the shoulders.

The prostitute turned around to see who was standing behind him again, smiling when he realized who it was. “Hey, G. What’s up?” he asks curiously while he licks something sticky off his fingers.

Geno stared for a hot minute before quickly snapping out of it. “U-Uhm—!” He blushed and scratched the back of his head. “I-I want you to know that Mario gave me big bonus just now…”

Sid smiled wider at that. “That’s great, G! How much of a bonus was it? The usual 5k?”

He shook his head, looking away shyly. “No…gave me double that.”

Brown eyes widened as he exclaimed, “Wait. He gave you $10,000?!”

Geno nodded, showing him the envelop with the check in it. “Yeah, and uhm…was wondering if…” He blushed darker, still keeping his eyes away from Sid.

The prostitute was looking at him with concern now. “If uhm…You want to spend a night with me…?”

Sid stayed silent for the longest time, staring blankly at the bartender as he processed what he just asked him. “Geno, are you— Are you asking me to…service you?”

“Yes. I mean, no! Argh!” The bartender shook his head, feeling more embarrassed and stupid now. “What I’m mean is…I take you to fancy restaurant, maybe do shopping, and…” The blush on his face grew darker. “I-If you wanted, we can go to hotel and… you serve me.”

A blush now came to the prostitute’s face. “O-Oh…”

Geno makes a flustered noise, still not looking Sid.

“I don’t— I-I don’t charge that much for a night's service, Geno,’ he tells the bartender with a shy voice. “Y-You can’t spend 10 grand on me in one night…”

“I-I’m know,” he nods. “But I’m try.”

Sid’s blush grew darker as he now looked away from the bartender. Neither one of them really knew what to say after that, the moment growing tenser and more awkward by the second.

Eventually, the prostitute was the one to speak first. “E-Even if you can’t spend all that money on me…it’d be nice to spend a night with you.”

Geno’s head snaps back to Sid, his own dark brown eyes widened at what he said. “R-Really?”

A small smile came to the prostitute’s face as he nodded. “Yeah,” he admits shyly, now looking back at the bartender. “I really do.”

He’s never admitted this to him, but he’s had a crush on Geno for a very long time now, ever since they met as teenagers in this very nightclub. He always thought the bartender would never want to be in a relationship with him because of what he does, but after hearing what he just said to him, he might actually have a chance to see if they would really work out.

“Uhm, great!” Geno exclaims with a grin.

Sid smiles a little more. “Did you have a particular restaurant in mind?”

The bartender pondered on the choices he thought about earlier before finally making a decision. “Altius?” he asks. “Is on Grandview Avenue and have good view of skyline.”

“Sounds great,” Sid nods in approval. “Maybe we could stop by the Cheesecake Factory afterwards. I haven’t had any in a long time and I’m overdue for a craving.”

“I figure you say that,” Geno chuckled. “Had that in back of mind in case you say no.”

An embarrassed giggle managed to escape the prostitute’s lips. “I guess I make my love of cheesecake very obvious, eh?”

“You do, but is okay,” Geno reassures. “I like that about you.”

Another giggle, this time, one that was more airy and a little bit giddy-sounding. “So, when did you want to do this? Tomorrow night?”

“We can do that,” he nods. “I take night off.”

“Are you Mario would allow that?” Sid raises a teasing brow at him. “I mean, he did just give you a big bonus. He may change his mind when he hears you taking a day off.”

Geno waved at him nonchalantly. “Eh. He not mind.” he tells him. “Besides, be nice to get away from club for one night. And I spending night with you, so is good reason.” He lightly smirked at him.

Sid’s blush couldn’t get any redder, but it manages to with the bartender’s words. Just then a waiter came by and served him another drink, this time, a vibrant sunrise cocktail.

He takes the drink with a nod and a slight smirk before the waiter walks away. He takes a sip before turning back to Geno, his smirk growing in seductiveness. “So,” he starts before licking his lips, a little cayenne salt sticking to them. “Will I be seeing you tomorrow night?”

The bartender gulped and managed to nod, trying to keep his dirty thoughts at bay. “Yeah…see you tomorrow night.”

#SidGeno #Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin #otp: we grew up together here #hockey rpf #my hockey fanfiction #mpreg tw #The Price of Love

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petalsbloomed-a · 3 years

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itaru talks about noah - part 1.

1. what’s the strangest/weirdest thing mun has watched on youtube? you know those raunchy parodies of rap songs and the versions where people are quite literally screaming the lyrics of songs? yeah, he watches that stuff a lot.

2. what’s the strangest/weirdest movie the mun has watched? i don’t know if he’s watched any movies that have been known for being strange, but a lot of the horror stuff he finds can get pretty creepy at times.

3. what’s your mun do when they become sad? do they hide it or talk about it? it really depends. most of the time, i think he hides it at first and then opens up when things start to go really wrong. it’s probably because he doesn’t want to feel like a burden.

4. how long does the mun stay upset for? again, it really depends on the issue. he does struggle with really bad mental health, so it’s possible for something to weigh him down for quite a while. i think a lot of it has to do with his willingness to communicate with others.

5. what’s your opinion of the mun’s fashion sense? basic bitch. well, more basic than me, but at times he does like to mix it up a lot and put jewelry together with a top that just...don’t naturally fit. i mean, have you seen the earrings he wears to class?

6. is the mun prone to mood swings? oh, very much so. one moment he’ll be so down to write, being all bubbly and completely running his mouth about the things he likes, the next he’ll get frustrated and upset and go to watch some funny shit on youtube or listen to music to hopefully help to stabilize his mood.

7. what was the strangest thing the mun has done that made the muse confused? doing kpop dances in the middle of his school’s hallway. that’s all i’m going to say.

8. does the mun like to shitpost/make funny posts a lot? he doesn’t shitpost a ton over here, but on his anime blog, i swear, sometimes the shit that he thinks of and comes out of his mouth is so strange that it’s just funny.

9. has the mun ever scared the muse? not in any particular way that comes to my mind immediately.

10. what about the mun does the muse find annoying or bothersome? sometimes he just can’t stop talking. i can never tell if it’s because of his ADHD or if he’s just excited about something, but sometimes he just completely interrupts my peace and quiet seemingly out of nowhere.

11. do you like the backstory your mun gave you? he didn’t really give me a backstory; he adheres to what my creators did for me. but he did give my sister a pretty nice name.

12. is mun a social butterfly or a loner? he’s a pretty social person, but he does have his moments. he likes to keep his distance, even though sometimes it’s hard for him to tell when he should be less energetic or give someone their space.

13. did you once not like your mun? if so, why? i don’t think i’ve ever actively disliked noah. he can be a bit obnoxious at times, but he’s a pretty cool dude.

14. do you wish your mun was more open to those around them? in real life and on tumblr? he’s pretty open with people in real life, but who am i to criticize him or even give him advice on the matter? i struggle with being open about who i am myself, so i don’t think it’s appropriate for me to judge him.

15. does your mun draw or write? if so, what work are they most proud of? he writes a lot and he does have some experience with art, but most of his focus goes into the things he writes. it’s hard to say what he’s most proud of, because he always describes his works as ‘short, sweet, and mindless,’ but i do enjoy whatever angsty stuff he writes. he says he’s not good with angst, but sometimes when i read his angst fics i can really get the sense of some things he may be struggling with in his unconscious. some of the things he writes just roll off the tongue, and in such a beautiful manner.

16. how long does it take your mun to draw/write a piece of work? it really depends on what he’s doing. an art piece, even a small sketch, can take him up to an hour, but his fics can usually take him between thirty minutes to two hours. his short and soft fics he usually spends about half an hour on, but his longer ones, like his angst and relationship fics, he can spend up to two hours on.

17. what other social websites does your mun use? other than tumblr, he’s probably most active on his anime twitter account as well as some discord servers he’s on, but he also has a facebook, instagram, ao3, and sparingly uses deviantart, reddit, pinterest, soundcloud, twitch, quotev, and wattpad.

18. who are the first 3 people the mun thinks about when asked for blog recommendations? obviously, the mun is a bit biased, so he’s gonna first off recommend his best friend’s blog orang3lover. they post a lot of cute memes and social stuff, and they follow each other on their main blogs. here in the tumblr rpc, he’s really been enjoying writing and interacting with demontragedy’s chikage, aka my lovely boyfriend, and gloomyheart10′s banri, who is the bane of my existence but miraculously still considered to be my best friend.

19. how many people are in your mun’s close-knit circle? he has a few friend circles actually. the one he interacts with the most would probably be his friend group from high school, but he also has a lot of friends, less of a circle, that he talks with a lot and hangs out with in college. this college friend group all consists of music majors, so he feels really at home with them. he does also have a few small friend groups online, but they’re pretty sparse and don’t have as many people as his irl friend groups.

20. how does the mun feel about their blog/blogs? i get the sense that he’s really happy with the blog he’s set up here in the tumblr rpc, but he has mentioned that with his personal blogs he wants to be a bit more creative about the content that he releases. his main blog is like 99% reblogs, so he wants to think about how he can release more original content that will attract more people to his corner of the internet.

21. what ask meme does your muse like the most? i don’t think he has a specific one, but he does like to reblog a lot of fluff-based sentence starters.

#itaru: ic #munday

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canyouhearthelight · 5 years

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The Miys, Ch. 63

Happy Tuesday, and Happy November Everyone!

This week I hit 467 followers, so thank you to everyone who is following this story (except the porn bots, y’all can go porn yourselves).

A special shout out to everyone who interacts: sending me messages, commenting, reblogging, and liking the chapters as they post. Every week, this story goes up at 2pm Eastern Time, and by 2:30pm I always have 15-20 notes. You are the ones who keep me going when I start to struggle or get discouraged.

When Antoine eventually woke up and stood to stretch – I scowled at the freedom I was explicitly not given – Grey staggered over to the still-warm berth and collapsed into a heap of rambling nonsense. Antoine eyebrows shot up in curiosity as he tried to pat his hair down, glancing at me and my sister for answers.

We both shrugged, with Tyche clarifying “We were talking about food, then Grey shot off after a comment about a cast iron stomach and hasn’t said a single logical thing since then.”

With a Gallic shrug, he replied “It is what it is. Why were you talking about metal stomachs?”

“Phaal curry from Soph’s kitchen, balut, and other weird foods my sister has tried.”

“Ah. That would do it.” He tossed his version of a cheeky grin at me before leaning toward my sister.

Before his face could get anywhere in her vicinity, she shoved him playfully. “You stink. Go take a shower.” Without pressing the matter, he winked – actually winked – and sauntered toward the door, more relaxed than I had ever seen him.

All I could do was blink at the display. “Is he always like this when he wakes up?”

She nodded, unperturbed. “He doesn’t have his professional face on yet.”

Huh. “I had no idea.”

A sudden silence fell on the room, the lack of snoring indicating that the other two occupants of the room were awake. “This is not what I imagined a grown-up sleepover to turn out like,” Maverick groaned while scowling at the tube in his arm. “There was a lot less blood, for one thing. And more pizza. Definitely more pizza.”

I smiled fondly at him and glanced on his other side, where Conor was doing his best impression of a grizzly bear just woken involuntarily from hibernation: stretch, grunt, scratch beard, stomp, kiss Maverick, stomp, grunt, kiss me, stomp to find hot water. It was a routine thing, and actually calming in the present circumstances.

Tyche, however, stared after him with an expression like a cat who just had water flicked in her face. “Wow. Grouchy much?”

“Not a morning person,” Maverick yawned. It only then occurred to me that this was the first time either had seen the other’s partner/partners first thing in the morning.

“But the stomping? That’s unnecessary.”

“Tyche, he is over two-hundred pounds. He’s going to stomp by default when he isn’t being careful. Maverick stomps, too. That’s why he didn’t get up.”

“And the blood,” he pointed out, scowling down again.

“Okay, yeah, and the blood. Don’t feel bad, love. Me, too. Constantly….” It was true, too. Noah had given up on removing the equipment from my arms and just transfused me as needed. Hence why I wasn’t allowed to get up and stretch.

I wasn’t even going to think about how they were keeping me from needing to use to bathroom. It was apparently need to know, and I Did. Not. Need. To. Know. Thank. You.

Tyche, the only one who could get up and walk around at will, checked over the most recent scans. “Well, the good news is that it looks like you’ve stabilized, Soph. Maverick, you’ll be out of the danger zone for a bit after that round, and we can talk to Miys about taking the needles out. Conor and Antoine are going to need to be hooked up today, though.”

“What about you?”

“I’m still okay for the time being, if I’m reading this right.” She tipped her head up toward the ceiling, a habit that exactly none of us had ever gotten out of. “Miys, can you confirm the results I’m seeing, make sure I read them correctly?”

“You are correct, Tyche. And as I am sure Wisdom will ask the same question she has asked every Terran hour she has been conscious, Derek, Zach, and Sam are doing well, as are Charly, Coffey, Sebastian, and everyone else. Nixe has deteriorated no further.”

I sighed. It was the best I could have hoped for, realistically.

“What exactly happened to the mermaid?” Maverick asked. He had been fascinated with her ever since I bet Alistair swimming lessons with her. “Why is she in worse shape than everyone else?”

Considering almost the whole ship was being transfused with whole blood as fast as Miys could produce it, it wasn’t a huge margin. “She actually isn’t in bad shape as a direct result of whatever ‘Else’ is doing to us. But it did make her weaker than usual, and she was in the middle of a diving session when her nanotech failed…”

When I suddenly paled and went silent, Maverick reached out with his good hand and shook me, but I blocked it out. I felt like I had been struck by a bolt of lightning and set on fire at the same time. Her nanotech tail failed.

”Cast-iron stomach and the tail failed,too.” I announced, whipping my head toward my sister.

She looked horrified. “Oh gods, now you’re barmy, too.”

Rolling my eyes, I grabbed her forearm. “No, Tyche. We said I have a ‘cast-iron’ stomach. That’s what set Grey off, not the illness. Whatever bacteria or virus or whatever is making us sick is taking up all the nutritive iron in our bodies, right?” The door hissed as Antoine walked in, drying his hair, followed by Noah. “And they said nutritive iron does have actual elemental iron in the molecules, or whatever. And the tail failed, too. They weren’t talking out of their head – Grey meant Nixe’s nanotech tail!”

Antoine stopped dead in his tracks, towel forgotten. “Sophia, what are you talking about?” I repeated everything I had just told Tyche and Maverick. “What else did Grey say before I woke up?”

“Something about segregating them for no reason, pyronasal RNA, evil instead of dexterous, bacteria is bacteria?”

“Pyranosyl,” he corrected absentminded, eyes focusing on something the rest of us couldn’t see. “Sinister instead of dexter, so our bodies would not see it as a pathogen. No immune response.”

Tyche threw her hands up in exasperation. “Great. Crazy is contagious. It’s killing us, of course it’s sinister.”

“Sinister instead of dexter,” I told her emphatically, nodding my head for emphasis.

Her eyes widened. “Left instead of right?”

“Oh! I know this one!” Maverick sat up, giddy despite the situation. “RNA is single-helix instead of double-helix like DNA, right?” Miys ‘nodded’ with one liw, so he continued. “I think he’s saying that DNA and RNA usually have a right-handed twist, but this stuff has RNA with a left-handed twist?” Another ‘nod’. He grinned with excitement before his face fell practically off his skull. “That’s why we’re malnourished instead of sick,” he whispered. “Our bodies aren’t even trying to fight it off, are they?”

Okay, fuck it. Despite Tyche’s attempts to stop me, I unhooked the transfusion equipment, dotting the floor with red as I made my way over to Maverick’s berth to hold him. “Are we going to die?” he asked in the smallest voice imaginable.

“Not if we can help it,” I promised. “We’re tough stuff, remember? The end of the world didn’t kill us. We’ll figure this out. Right?” I turned toward Antoine hopefully.

His eyes widened slightly, but he nodded. “I believe that Grey started to make a connection with something. You said they said we should not segregate the two, correct?” I nodded tentatively. “What are we thinking of as separate from this situation?”

“Nutritive iron and elemental iron?” I asked hopefully.

Tyche jumped out of her seat just as Conor entered. He startled, sloshing coffee on his shirt and groaning. Ignoring him, she started snapping her fingers. “Else is absorbing all the iron from our bodies, so we sorta know what that part means. The elemental iron must mean the diving platforms.”

Crash! We all turned toward Conor, who stood gaping at us, coffee cup shattered at his feet. “That is what’s in our bodies?”

“Conor – “

“No, Sophie. You didn’t see what it did to those platforms. Four tons of metal, reduced to twisted and flaking wrecks. We would be falling apart like lepers if that was in us.”

I felt Maverick shake his head just as I saw Antoine to the same thing. “There is not enough iron in a human body to cause that level of catastrophic failure – “

“Oh yeah? Tell that to the fucking mermaid on life support!”

In an instant, Tyche interposed herself between her partner and mine. One hand struck Conor’s chest flatly, the other pointing a finger like it was loaded. “She almost drowned. Yes, it was because she was weak and the iron in her tail caused it to fail and give her even more dead weight. But if she had passed out on land, she would be fine. Right now, your boyfriend is scared to death, your girlfriend – my sister – is bleeding everywhere trying to comfort him instead of taking care of herself, and Antoine is trying to figure this out even though he is not a doctor. So, stop. Fucking. Yelling.” With a huff, she shoved both hands through her hair. “Everyone, calm down for five damn minutes.” With a glance at the ceiling, she pitched her voice slightly. “Miys, can you test everyone in this room for any bacteria matching those found in BioLab 2 recently?”

“Councilor Hodenson already requested this test run, to be given the results when they wake.”

“Give them to me now, please?” she asked tiredly, at the limits of her manners and pushing further.

“All scans requested show the bacteria to be present.”

Oh. Fuck.

But my sister was on a roll. “Okay, so we already knew we were all suffering from the same thing. Good news? It’s not cancer, it’s not radiation sickness, or some other thing that will definitely kill us, right?”

“Cancer would not kill you,” Miys pointed out, falling on deaf ears.

“But this isn’t a Terran bacteria,” Conor ground out from where he was crouched on the floor picking up what was left of his coffee mug. “How are we supposed to get rid of it if we can’t even fight it off?”

A quiet, exhausted voice drifted from the collapsed heap of person in the farthest berth. “Maybe we can just ask nicely.”

For what felt like an eternity, all we could hear were the air scrubbers as we all gaped at the half-conscious Grey.

“You have to be kidding.” Heads snapped toward me, and only then did I realize I was the one who spoke. Swallowing nervously, I soldiered on. “You want us to cure a plague by asking nicely?”

A pale hand popped up from the berth, gesturing dismissively. I didn’t even know Grey knew that gesture. “You talk to it, it talks to you. So, talk. Ask. You people for a living. Go people.”

“When did they learn Reid-ish?” Conor whispered in horror.

Antoine, equally appalled, turned wide eyes toward his not-quite attacker. “I have no idea, mon ami. I have no idea.”

<< Prev Masterlist Next >>

#the Miys #aliens #science fiction #humans are weird #humans are space orcs #original writing #original sci fi #blood #tw blood #tw hospital #apocalypse #plague

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qqueenofhades · 5 years

Text

So, it’s Friday evening, and it turns out I have more thoughts about things that happened this week. I almost never do Discourse on this blog, on whatever subject, but sometimes even your friendly local depressed historian gotta say things. If you’re not in the mood for a long-ass meta-y text post, just keep on scrolling, no hard feelings.

In the wake of the Notre Dame fire, which obviously a lot of us were upset about, and profoundly relieved that it did not end up being completely catastrophic, the usual spate of posts began to pop up, alleging that people only cared about Notre Dame because of the loss to Western/European/Christian history, that nobody had been this upset about the National Museum of Brazil or the outbreak of arson at three black churches in Louisiana in the same week, and so on. I don’t blame anyone for making those posts, because I know they cared about those issues and wanted to ensure that their importance was communicated, especially when something major like Notre Dame was getting all the airtime. However, I couldn’t help but notice how that followed the same pattern as all Woke Tumblr Discourse (tm). An event happens, people express reactions to it, and are then attacked or indirectly shamed for not expressing reactions to another event. Or there’s the usual cycle of “nobody will care about this because it’s not happening in America”-style posts, or passive-aggressive insinuations that “you don’t care if you don’t reblog this.” And -- I say this with the greatest kindness possible, because I know, I know you guys care -- it’s... not helpful.

The culture of Tumblr and other left-wing sections of social media often rests on enacting performative wokeness, on showing that you care about the most Progressive (tm) issues, or that you have thoroughly scrutinized your fandom tastes or political beliefs for anything Problematic and/or can prove yourself to an imagined moral standard (and there have been some great metas written on how this essentially replicates conservative evangelical purity culture, with the goalposts switched). This is why we keep having to circulate (and doubtless will have to do so with increasing frequency) those posts reminding the left not to eat its young and flame all prospective Democratic challengers to Trump in 2020 to a crisp before the right wing, which is only too happy to let us do the work of sabotaging ourselves, even gets a chance. This is also why you see the posts responding to said angry “nobody cares about this!” posts, in which people mention the fact that not visibly reacting to all the (vast and terrible) injustice in the world does not mean they don’t care. The world is a big place. So is the internet. I can guarantee you that people do care, and just because you didn’t see immediate evidence and response to it when you opened up your Tumblr dash is not proof of a collective nefarious conspiracy.

Take me, for example. I am a thirty-ish academic and historian who considers myself well-informed and literate in current events. I read national and international news every day to find out what’s going on (because I live in England, the answer is Brexit, and the status is Failed). And yet, there are plenty of things that I only hear about for the first time on Tumblr, often attached to one of those “nobody cares about this!” posts. And you know what? I do care. I care a lot. And I’m guessing that most other people do as well, because no matter how it may feel, the majority of individuals are fundamentally decent people with basic empathy for others, even if our whole system is a nightmare. But the urge to demand why nobody is Discoursing about this issue (again, among a vast and exhausting sea of them) needs to take a few fundamental things into account.

First, the American media (as a large portion of readers are relying on) simply does not report this stuff. Look at what’s happening in that godforsaken country right now; does it really seem like the kind of place that’s eager to tell you about Brazilian museum fires or black-church arson? I’m someone who makes a conscious effort to read the news no matter how depressed it makes me, and I still miss tons of stuff, because it’s not there. The Western media reported on Notre Dame, people knew about it, and were upset. But when those of them who did not know about the National Museum of Brazil learned about it, they were also upset. We can definitively say now that the National Museum was a bigger and more irreplaceable tragedy in terms of what burned. But we were also apparently 15-30 minutes away from losing all of Notre Dame. You can be upset about both these things. You can express empathy for the history lost in both cases. There is not a greater moral value attached, and you’re not racist for caring about Notre Dame if you heard about it first (unless you’re only upset about Notre Dame for reasons related to race or perceived cultural superiority and are peddling vile conspiracy theories about Jews and Muslims intentionally burning it down, in which case you are a racist). Almost everyone who learned about the National Museum fire was just as horrified.

2019 is a hard and monstrously unfair and tremendously difficult place to live. The internet has made exposure to both all the information and no real information at all simultaneously possible. Not everyone can display active engagement and empathy with every tragedy everywhere. People have jobs, lives, kids, work, school, other commitments, mental and physical health to look after and even when they read the damn news, there’s no guarantee whatsoever the news is going to report it. If they haven’t made the conscious effort to search out every scrap of terribleness that exists in this hellworld, they.... really should not be shamed for that. If they don’t care even after they learn, that’s another debate. But again, in my experience, most people do. But if they are first exposed to it by someone claiming they won’t care, that makes them less likely to engage with it, and to want to enact meaningful change. Firing wittily sarcastic takedowns at easy targets on echo-chamber liberal Twitter is one thing. We all enjoy a good roast and venting our frustration at times. But as a long-term engagement strategy, it’s going to actively backfire.

I talk a lot about being a teacher, and my experiences with my students, but it’s relevant again, so here goes. The kids in my classes come in believing some pretty strange things, or they flat out don’t have a clue even about what I consider basic historical knowledge. If my reaction was to shame them for not knowing, when they have expressly come to me to learn better, I’m pretty sure I’d be a bad teacher. My strategy, whenever a student can actually be nudged to answer a question, is to pick out whatever correct thing they said. Even if the rest of the answer is wrong and we need to work through it, I start by highlighting the part of it that was right, and to build their confidence that I’m not just going to tear them down when they respond. Freshmen are scared of not knowing things and to be made to look like an idiot, so I try to assure them that I’m not going to do that and I will constructively engage with their contribution and treat it seriously. You can then move to dealing with the other parts of it that may not be right, or even Mmm Whatcha Say side-eye. It is a long and often frustrating process and sometimes after reading their essays, you wonder how much of an impression you made. But if you actually want to get people to care about things, you can’t mistake Ultimate Wokeness or Look How Progressive/Anti-establishment/Enlightened I Personally Am for the simple requirement of being a decent person. You can have the greatest and most necessary beliefs or value systems in the world, but if your response to people is to lash out at them even before they begin the conversation, you’re setting yourself back. And I know that’s not really what you want to do.

This should not be interpreted as some wishy-washy “everyone just needs to be nice to each other!!!” kindergarten-playground-rule. I frankly think the whole system could use a good nefarious dismantle, and you sure as hell don’t get there by mistaking insipid moral equivalence for necessary action. But accepting the existence of people different from you, and considering how you want to engage with them, and understanding that issues are complicated and people are flawed, is a fundamental part of being a mature adult (and this has nothing to do with chronological age; there are 15-year-olds who are plenty more mature adults than 50-year-olds). I honestly do love the desperate desire to make people care, and that, for the most part, is why people who identify as liberal or left-wing do so, because they want to (and they do) care. But it’s also why they can be bad at winning elections and getting into meaningful positions to enact this change. The right wing stays on message and sticks together. Even if they absolutely hated Trump, plenty of Republicans held their noses and voted for him anyway. The left did not do that. The greatest virtue of liberal thought, i.e. its determination to include multiple perspectives, has increasingly reduced it to smaller and smaller camps where only the purest survive, like some kind of ideological Hunger Games. It might be great for making yourself look good to your hall of mirrors, but.... not so good for actually doing something long-term.

Once again, this is not to blame anyone for being upset and worried about things, for wanting people to know about them, and so forth. But I am gently-but-firmly suggesting, in my capacity as old, salty, queer spinster academic aunt, that perhaps you consider how you start the conversation. Once again, it’s my experience that most people want to know and want to care, but there are countless factors that mean not every bad thing in the world will be acknowledged everywhere by everyone at all times. You can care about different things for different reasons. That is okay. You can care about something because you have a personal connection to it. That is also okay. You can not care about something because you just don’t have the capacity and are emotionally exhausted and there’s so much shit in this world that you have to compartmentalize and set boundaries. That is also okay.

For example, I was obviously very upset about Notre Dame, and still am, though I’m relieved it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Am I happy it’s going to be restored? Yes. Am I unbelievably angry that a half-dozen of the elite uber-rich could just suddenly throw billions of euros at it for its restoration, when it had to struggle for years to get funding for crucial renovations? Yes. Do I feel as if that if the vaults have suddenly been opened to restore one major European Christian landmark, it’s incredibly heartbreaking that that level of instant capital just won’t be addressed to actual endemic, long-term issues like global warming and social inequality and the Flint water crisis and whatever else, and that this is a sad and troubling message for our society in many ways? Yes. All of these things exist together. And I imagine most people feel the same way.

In short: I realize this is the internet, and therefore just is not designed to do that, but maybe we can give each other a little bit more of the benefit of the doubt, and think about how we would like to educate and engage those we come in contact with, whether virtually or in reality. We can do it wherever and whoever we are, with anyone that we meet, and I wonder what it would be like if we did.

#hilary for ts #history #notre dame #Le Discourse #anyway yes #i just felt like it needed to be said #nothing particularly original perhaps #and it has been said before #but still #long post

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ikiruwill · 4 years

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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE ; mun & muse - meme .

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

my muse is: canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated? YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO.

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

how strictly do you follow canon? 　i try to follow canon as much as possible for shinji in nge. for rebuild, mostly, only bc nge is my main version of shinji. it’s been a while since i read the manga, and there’s definitely stuff to like about it, but imo sadamoto’s writing there isn’t as good as anno’s is in nge ( and rebuild... to an extent ), so i’d probably end up changing some details for manga!shinji with whatever headcanons if i wrote him more often / went into depth about things? but it’s still interesting to see how different shinji and kaworu ( + other characters ) are in the manga, and new dynamics can be fun!!

SELL YOUR MUSE! aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals. lemme try and sell you nge first unless you’ve already sold your soul to it LOL join me.... tldr it’s a classic anime and still relevant today despite it being like 24 years old ( with tons of merch now most i would shamelessly buy ). there’s so many characters that feel real and human in nge. hideaki anno poured too much of his heart and soul into it, the reflections of himself and his personal feelings feel very raw. i could also try to sell you like every nge character bc they’re all so well written but mha;lskdjf on to the last point. being the main character for eva, shinji is iconic too... he’s among the best leads i’ve seen in anime. most critics will agree and have agreed with this for decades ( if you only ask me, he’s number one for everything bc i’m biased af ❤ ). i talk too much about how he’s bby / cute and does his best, but probably not enough about how flawed he is as a person too, his deeper wants and needs, and when those things go horribly wrong. the duality is really what makes shinji complex and human. also bonus points!! he’s frequently scored at the top for fav anime characters in japan since ‘95 in newtype and stuff n_n

now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting ( even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think? ). next to louder and more colourful characters like asuka, for example, shinji can come off as quiet and boring ( especially compared to traditional hot blooded mecha protagonists in general ). shinji isn’t a genius or leader. he’s super passive, introverted, shy, and bad at fun conversations. he saves the world and tries to do the right thing, so by definition, he’s a hero--- but he’s also just a boy who’s gone through a lot. he has a lot of depth and hidden anger / feelings in general, but it would take a lot for him ( i.e. pressure, circumstances ) to express that outwardly--- daily shinji isn’t really like that. fandom wise, i think shinji recently came in 4th in the NHK eva popularity contest, so that’s pretty good, people do like him there. kawoshin is also as popular as ever ( and i’ve also seen more shinji fans in the western side too ). meanwhile old nge fandom be like ‘shinji u loser get in the fucking robot!!!111 ur surrounded by hot chicks every single day and still cry wow’ but that’s more like an ironic meme nowadays LOL

what inspired you to rp your muse? i finally watched eva properly like two years ago?? ( too late 4 kawoshin 2015 fandom q-q ) it was good so i sold my soul to it and shinji mhasdflkj

what keeps your inspiration going? eva being my fav anime and shinji my fav character, seeing fanworks of eva, and ofc everyone who interacts with me here on my blog q-q bless u and thank u

some more personal questions for the mun .

give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO.

do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO ( sometimes )

do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO.

do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES / NO.

are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO.

are you confident in your writing? YES / NO ( sort of?? )

are you a sensitive person? YES / NO.

do you accept criticism well about your portrayal? yes to respectful and constructive criticism!! but i’m still pretty circumstantial about it for my comfort ( just to avoid random ppl being rude etc ), so i think i’d prefer to reblog a meme for that and / or ask for opinions and tips from my mutuals!

do you like questions, which help you explore your character? yesss, i think most of us would love that n_n both unprompted and reblogged memes work for me

if someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why? i’m a private blog, so if it’s more of a plot based headcanon that a mutual wanted to discuss for fun and in a friendly way, then ok! i think there’d be room for constructive discussion there ( ah yes eva and its 24 years of pepe silvia meme.png complex lore discussion still going strong )

if someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it? 　similar to the above and the constructive criticism thing, i’ll only care / be open to discussing that kinda stuff if we’re mutuals and if you’ve seen eva, etc.

if someone really hates your character, how do you take it? as seriously as a funny meme when it comes to randos LOL buuuut long answer too: i’ve also seen passionately mean spirited, usually terrible and equally as unironic takes about shinji on the internet bc that’s the internet sometimes rip. this version of hate is more annoying and can suck just to look at, especially if it gets lots of attention in the form of agreement ( it usually makes me think, did we even watch the same show ). but also arguing endlessly with whoever wrote it / believes it would suck even more ( being a waste of time for one ). i guess that’s one reason why i care more about the personal safe space i’m trying to create on my dashboard etc. and people have very different opinions about anything in general. but basically, in general, this: if someone hates x or y fictional character with such a burning passion, and they won’t be satisfied unless they try to convince others to hate them too, or say that fans of x or y character are bad people irl and belittle said fans for it on their own time ( or openly harass those fans ), and if they’re crusading this idea, constantly?? block, blacklist, report for harassment if noted, filter it out--- it’s definitely better to stay away from that kind of negativity ( also bc it’s absurd and necessary ). i question anyone who finds joy / importance in trying to police the content and comfort of others, but i also know that they wouldn’t have fun hanging out with me LOL kaworu vc surround yourself with people who love shinji ikari

are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors? sure, once in a while is fine, especially if i made a typo or something that makes the context or anything confusing / unclear!

do you think you are easy going as a mun? i try to be!! despite that longer rant just now mhas;ldkfj thanks for reading this far if you still are LOL

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

tagged by: @skyvar aka the creator n_n thank you omg?? this was awesome!! tagging: if you wanna!

#meme ; 𝐑𝐏 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬.#good questions!! this was fun #and i ranted a little 1000/10 #long post /

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luckyladylily · 5 years

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$4000 of unexpected medical bills, please help if you can

I am going to explain everything in detail, but I am going to put the donation link at the top so people can find it easy. I set up a Ko-fi for people who can give that way and I will add other things to this post when they come up. Reblogging also helps a ton, please consider at least spreading the word if you can’t help yourself!

Why do we need help?

My daughter is autistic, 4 and a half, and as of yet effectively cannot communicate. She can’t communicate like other 4 year olds, but she is easily as smart as other 4 year olds so, for example, she knows how to unlock our door, use the elevator in our building, and could easily decide that she wants to go outside and play and get hit by a truck in the road. This sort of thing is why she needs someone keeping a close eye on her at all times. She is a wonderful little girl and I don’t consider it a burden, but it does make getting even a part time job out of the home impossible for me, no day care that we can afford will accept her because she so frequently needs 1 on 1 attention. This is what I do 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Even if I could get a job it would probably be difficult to do. I have 5 mental conditions that have been judged to be disabling in their severity, including major depression, social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and ADHD. I also have major damage to my feet that can make walking incredibly painful, and nerve damage in one leg that causes me daily pain.

My wife is currently providing for my family, but there are limits to what a single person can do.

If this was all we could probably make it on our own but we have had a great deal of unusual financial stressors that have made providing even basic needs nearly impossible.

The first was an unexpected bill of $7350 from my university. When I was forced to drop out of school due to my mental health one of my semesters of student loans was retroactively canceled - meaning I had to pay the university back for the student loan immediately. I was able to make a deal to pay it off over 10 months (no interest), payments starting on the final day of our final notice to pay the bill. We are nearly through this particular one, only 4 payments left, but it has been incredibly difficult paying this on top of rent, my normal student loan payments, and other monthly expenses.

We then had a major problem with our car in late January. My wife needs her car to get to work, She works a 2 AM shift so no buses can take her at that time, so not getting it fixed was not an option. That cost us around $800 and wiped out what little money we had managed to put away for emergency.

Then last month we had a major medical expense. One of my mental health symptoms is that I grind my teeth while I sleep, which has weakened my teeth considerably. We had to deal with one of the long term effects of this last month when I needed a root canal for two separate teeth that had been weakened by my grinding. In addition, one of those teeth was unusual (having 3 roots instead of the 2 usual for that tooth) and required a second root canal performed on that tooth by a specialist. Even with the best possible dental insurance we can get through my wife’s work that still cost us nearly $2000, and I was in severe pain for nearly a month as it was all sorted out.

Less than a week after the second root canal appointment (before they were even able to put on the crowns!) I had an unusual pain in my stomach that rapidly got worse until I was forced to go to the emergency room doubled over in pain. Turns out I was having a gall bladder attack due to gall stones and had to have emergency surgery to have it removed. The emergency room visit alone cost us $200, and while we don’t have the bill for the surgery yet it is likely going to be around $1800, at which point our deductible will kick in and should pay for anything else. Again, this was with the best possible insurance we could get.

It has been less than a week since the surgery and I am still in recovery, and will be for at least 2 more weeks.

We have applied for assistance, but because we make too much trying to pay off that extra 735 a month we don’t qualify for stuff like food stamps. Last time we applied for disability benefits we were unable to get them and because we are so poor I have not been able to get consistent enough treatment to try again (I will need doctors letters as part of the application process).

On top of all this my wife’s work decided to cut her hours by 25% a week ago.

At this point we are not sure how we are going to make our bills. If we can absorb these unexpected medical bills and get past the last payments to the university we should be able to rebuild our finances, but we are just not sure how that is possible. We are looking into any and all options. We have already asked family and friends, and if anyone out there can help at all with donations we would greatly, greatly appreciate it.

Also, I am going to be offering writing commissions. I’ll make a more detailed post about that soon, but if you are interested you can send me a message here on tumblr or to my email at [email protected] and we can discuss it. I am planning on $15 per 1000 words for the first commission to see how it goes, but that might go up. I am willing to write almost anything including highly kinky/fetishy smut if that is what you are into. Don’t feel like you can donate but you would be willing to spend a bit of your entertainment budget for a story about your OC’s doing pet play? I can make that happen. Check out my fanfics for example of my writing, there is a link to my AO3 page on my blog.

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