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scarrletmoon · 2 months

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About Powder Blue

This is going to be long. There are going to be discussions of suicide and trauma. This is going to be a bit of a jumbled mess because I can't tell a linear story to save my life. Don't feel like you need to read this, now or ever.

If you're wondering what the issues with PB were, and looking for what's next, read the indented text and skip the rest if you want!

I've had a bit of a...tumultuous relationship with the OFMD fandom. I've made close friends and lost them, made even closer friends who've very patiently reminded me of my worth when I needed that. I'm at a point where I'm still struggling, but I'm getting better. I'm still working on not being afraid. It's a bit of an uphill battle, but I'm still pushing my little boulder. I'm not alone this time, which is nice.

I entered the fandom as a nobody. I had almost 50 fics on AO3 and two had mildly popped off while I wasn't looking, but I wasn't really known for anything. I was a fandom ghost, posting my little fanfics and sharing them with the world because I just enjoyed the characters so much. Like a lot of people, I dreamed of being known for something. I thought that'd be neat.

I'm still in a state of shock and confusion that I've written anything in the past 2 years that people remember and even love. It's weird to be in a place where I never imagined myself to be. I can't stress enough how much I did not write explicit fic before this fandom; in high school, I would've welcomed a porn ban. I was afraid of my own sexuality, convinced it was some sort of monster I had to control. Convinced I was dirty. To other people my age, I was a prude, naive and childish for not being comfortable with it. So I feel for people who lash out now, who insist that attraction is actually fetishization, that if we set enough rules, maybe if we resist temptation, we'll be saved. I see you, and I feel for you. I personally don't think that's a healthy way to live, but if you'd told me that 2 years ago, I would've cussed you out. It's really a realization you have to come to (or not) on your own terms.

Anyway.

I know it's tacky to talk about your own success but it doesn't feel real. I go back and forth, reading other people's work -- and my god, there's some unbelievable talent in this fandom -- and thinking "shit, why would anyone read anything I've written? My stories are kindergarten finger paintings next to museum masterpieces". I am learning, slowly -- very slowly -- that I can't bully myself into a shape I like better. I'll never abuse myself into the kind of writer I think I want to be.

The first chapter of Powder Blue was written on a random day of the week after work. I was in a server -- the first fandom server I'd properly joined and talked in, watching a convo about how funnyt it would be for Ed to be a middle aged sugar baby -- when I pulled out my laptop and wrote for an hour and then posted that chapter to the server. I hadn't written for five years before OFMD. I had never finished a multi chapter fic. I posted that chapter and went to make dinner, and assumed the Google Docs link would get lost in that channel after a few likes.

That's not what happened.

The next few months were...a lot. My 7 year old Twitter account blew up from about 200 followers to 1000 in a matter of months. I was misinterpreted half a dozen times. Suddenly, people knew who I was and had Opinions. Some of those Opinions were Not Nice. I was told to grow a thick skin and get over it. So I figured my extreme reactions -- physical shaking, intense fear, a spiking heart rate, like I was being chased -- were just me being weak. I thought if I just sucked it up and laughed it off, it'd stop affecting me.

Turns out RSD is real and not an excuse I was using to be a baby, and it literally didn't get better until I was medicated! Wild

(This -- "I'm just overreacting and everyone else is secretly handling it better" -- has been a pretty consistent pattern my entire life, so figuring out I'm actually AuDHD has been mindblowing. If you've been wondering why you're so weak your whole life, I've got some screening tests you might be interested in).

Anyway my point is, a few things happened over the course of 2023 that brought me to a level of emotional pain I've never experienced.

At the start of the year, I was taking a self imposed internet break, after being forced to apologize for a tweet thread about Izzy, where I'd made the mistake of suggesting that fans of his should consider thinking about why they enjoy his character, but to only do this if they wanted to and ignore me if they didn't. This was taken as me being a hypocrite, and accusing Izzy fans of being terrible people. I apologized, vowed to never mention him again, and left Twitter for a month. Around the same time, a few things in a very close friend group went very wrong. I assumed it was entirely my fault for misbehaving, picked myself up, and tried to punish myself into a shape that would be acceptable for other people.

It didn't work.

Since I was now marked as an anti-Izzy bully, I couldn't say anything -- either on Twitter or in private -- that wouldn't be interpreted as me trying to start fights, as me being passive aggressive, as me trying to send covert messages for others to decipher so they could come and grovel for my forgiveness. Some of this is my fault -- it took a long time to learn than my private locked Twitter account isn't a diary. it took even longer for me to learn that maybe the people I was hanging out with weren't my people.

During all of this, I was posting Powder Blue after months of tears, pain, heartbreak, frustration and stress. I still don't understand why people write books for work or FUN. It was the most horrific experience of my life. It was valuable and so rewarding but jesus christ did writing PB take a lot out of me.

So as I felt less connected to my friends, as I was trying to hide how I felt because I thought I didn't deserve to be upset about anything (everything is always my fault, you see, and if I just behaved better, these things wouldn't happen to me), someone came to me and said they'd noticed some issues with Powder Blue. I'll refer to this person as the reader.

I was more than happy to hear them out. And it's true that I made some mistakes. The environment that I published PB in was not the one that I wrote it in. I didn't read any other sugar daddy/sex work fics as I was working on PB. PB was never a reaction to those fics. But because of those stories, which had handled things is harmful ways, there was suddenly a responsibility I'd never expected to have. I've never done sex work, I've just spent a lot of time listening to sex workers and trying to understand the legislation and environment as much as I can as a lay person. And since I don't have a personal experience with sex work, I shared my finished but rough draft with the reader, who did.

The problem, ultimately, is not something I could ever have fixed to their satisfaction. The fic doesn't involve dubious consent on a level that I think warrants an archive warning tag -- I tried to make it explicitly clear that Ed never does anything he doesn't want to, and that he's never coerced. The issue is that the nature of Ed and Stede's relationship is inherently uneven -- Stede is rich, and although he gives Ed money that's his to keep, Ed still isn't as obscenely wealthy as Stede is. Ed is poor and has been for a while. He's good at whatever he chooses to do, but he's struggling. That's a very uncomfortable spot to put Ed in. I also put Ed through some things that I've personally been through, as a way to work through my feelings and to try and better understand myself. If I was acting like Ed in real life, the reader is right that it would be concerning. But, importantly, Ed's not real. Nothing in this story is happening to a real person. Nothing in this story is an endorsement of any of his behaviours or unhealthy coping mechanisms.

I still believe the reader had good intentions -- the amount of effort they put into coming to me would be utterly bizarre for someone who was just looking to be cruel for no reason. But that also doesn't change the fact that being told I was having a trauma response and needed to stop working on the fic immediately, pushed me into the most suicidal period I've ever experienced.

That's not their fault. I'm sure that wasn't their intention. I've chosen to not try and find out who they are, or try to contact them again to respect their privacy. Some of the things people said to me, publicly dismissing the reader's pain, were so harrowing to read that it made me feel worse for ever writing PB in the first place. They were right to stay anonymous.

I'm sure the reader never meant for me to have such a massive breakdown that I took down the entire fic and left Twitter (and a few friend groups). It's been difficult to understand that just because someone didn't mean to hurt me, doesn't change the fact that I was hurt.

One silver lining is that I did go and find a new therapist. She's great! And she also thinks that how the reader tried to bring things up to me was wrong. As the reader obviously saw, I have a lot of Trauma, so I'm still not entirely convinced that I didn't deserve what happened to me. I'm not angry at them. I appreciate their concern. I just can't do what they asked of me. In the end, Powder Blue was not a story that was right for them. And that's okay.

My point in detailing all of this, is that I stayed quiet for a long time because I didn't think I deserved to tell my part of the story. I was scared that when people said they respected my choice to take down the fic, that they agreed I'd some something impossibly harmful. People trusted my judgement but I didn't trust myself. But people didn't know that I didn't trust myself.

Additionally, reader can't speak on this without revealing themself in some way. I'm terrified that they might read this and say something anyway. My biggest fear is becoming the kind of writer who sees negative criticism and pushes on anyway, or even blocks people who disagree with me. I don't want to hurt anyone the way I've been hurt.

BUT I've been holding onto this for months. I cannot write a perfect fic that will never trigger anyone. I will never write a meaningful story that won't hurt someone, no matter my intentions. There IS a way to admit you fucked up, or a way to listen and disagree, without turning into a raging asshole. I'm struggling to find that line. I'm hoping I'm making the right choice here.

And honestly, I'm just soft. I am so fucking soft. I talk a big game but I am so soft that a single person poking at my trauma caused me to break down so severely that my partner was legitimately afraid for me. I am learning that this softness doesn't mean I should become a crueler person to cope. But it's hard. There are going to be people who see this post and think I'm being a whiny crybaby looking for attention and pity. And I just have to deal with that.

Anyway. All previous chapters of PB will be up soon. Read them or don't. I will do my best to add more detailed trigger warnings. And I would personally suggest that if you're worried about any of the content in the fic, to run these worries past a friend who's read the fic, because they'll know you better than I ever will. Please don't read Powder Blue if you think it'll harm you. I would rather have fewer readers than triggered ones.

If there's anything I've missed that you think I need to address, know that my inbox is open, that anon is on, and that I'm not in the business of retaliating against people who come to me with an issue, even if they're a dick to me while they're doing it. I'm not going to dismiss someone because they weren't nice to me while they were upset. I'm a bitch but I'm not that kind of bitch.

So. Thank you for waiting for this fic. Thank you for waiting for me. We've got something like 16 chapters to go, and I can't tell you when they'll be up, or if they'll be up soon. But thank you for loving this story. I can't tell you how much that means to me, especially now.

Love,

Scarr

#scarrlet rambles #powder blue #about powder blue #this is also just a really long about me

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aquaquadrant · 5 months

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Was rereading the first chapter, and: "Predictable, repeatable patterns he’s unconsciously memorized- even now, he’s absentmindedly counting down the seconds until the next potion is dispensed."

Do you think, even after ten years, Tango can still time exactly two minutes in his head? Do you think sometimes he finds himself tapping his fingers absently, and realizes there's exactly a second between each tap, stopwatch-perfect, like his hands are still expecting to feel the wither-cold pain of the roses? Do you think someone notices, and they jokingly call him a human metronome, and he has to laugh and pretend it's not because of the months he spent in constant agony?

"After that, his reflection showed that the tips of his ears had darkened- along with his feet and fingertips- and his wither-black tears left permanent stains under his eyes, persisting even after respawn."

Do you think his friends think the black marks are a blaze hybrid thing, but then they meet another blaze hybrid (maybe in MCC) and start to wonder? Do you think they ask? Do you think he makes an excuse about individual variation, or evades the question, or mumbles vaguely about the wither effect and changes the subject?

"He’s spent so much time with the wither effect- grown accustomed to it, even- that he can’t tell right away when it’s starting to overcome him."

Do you think that later, once he's out, he's fighting wither skeletons or even a wither (secret life?) and he nearly dies from the wither effect, because he didn't notice until it was almost too late? Do you think someone, a hermit or a teammate or even a soulmate, scolds him for being reckless with his health, but in his head he's back in Hels again, withering and healing and withering and healing and withering and healing for eternity?

"The chains- well, they seemed to have snapped when he respawned away from them, leaving just a few links attached to his shackles."

Clothes respawn with players. Do you think that's why the cuffs came with him, even though they were attached to the wall? Do you think that after the "training" mentioned in the comic, he considers them a part of him, to the point where his own code does, too?

"Tango inhales deeply; he hadn’t realized he missed the smell of fire so much."

Do you think that even now, he associates fire with freedom and relief and finally, no more pain? Do you think that after flashbacks and nightmares and panic attacks, he sits by a fire and reminds himself that it's not real, it's been years, he's free? Do you think someone finds him, and sits with him, and he realizes that free doesn't have to mean alone?

And in the most recent drabble: "what if the only thing stopping him from reverting back to his old ways is the illusion of control maintained by these shackles?"

Do you think that when he's in the nether, when he sees a fortress, he thinks of the wither skeletons? Do you think that just for a moment, he almost considers withering himself on purpose, another illusory layer of control, to make sure he stays good?

ohhhkay, ok i’m normal about this, i promise. HM. YEAH. suffice to say, this is an amazing ask, but to avoid making it too long or giving too much away i’ll provide very brief answers (to each respective question) below.

yes, yes, and yes. a lot of things from his time at hels tek have stuck with him even after all these years.

yes, yes, and the first one (“that’s just my own unique personal flair!”). luckily this came up at a time when he’d gotten better at lying.

yes and yes, for the first few times he encountered wither skeletons and/or the wither after escaping to hermitcraft. impulse was very concerned.

yes and yes. surely this won’t be relevant in the future…

yes, yes, and sorta- he’s still working on that.

yes, the presence of wither skeletons is one of the main reasons he dislikes the nether (aside from it reminding him of hels). and actually no; before now, the cuffs have been enough for him and he hates the thought of being withered again.

#hels to pay au #HTP ask #seriously this made my day #detailed analysis my beloved #SO SO COOL to think other ppl could be dedicating so much thought to my silly little block man angst fic :]

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canonicallyobserving911 · 2 months

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Buck & Eddie: Eddie was M.I.A. and Buck was too.

The video above includes the scenes from S6 where Buck and Eddie were either missing or weren't mentioned even though they should have been.

During Season 6, Eddie was M.I.A. (missing in action) from several scenes even though he should have been present and Buck was either not mentioned or he was missing too even though he should have been present.

While I was watching 6x4 when it originally aired, I noticed Buck wasn’t on a call while the rest of the team was at work and as 6A progressed, it became a pattern. For the duration of 6A and well into 6B, Buck’s or Eddie’s absences became even more noticeable and they were so prevalent that they were JARRING AND GLARINGLY OBVIOUS. By the end of 6A, viewers were wondering what happened. The showrunner (KR) said in an interview that they were trying new pairings which was fine but hindsight is usually 20/20 and when I started analyzing the scenes that didn’t include one of them, it kind of seemed like she may have been telling a half truth. I mentioned how storylines and pairings were affected in a post I did in November 2022 but now I believe their absences or the lack of mentioning the other one was INTENTIONAL.

Buck and/or Eddie not being present bothered me and I wanted to know why but I didn’t research it until recently because of the way season 6 ended. With the way TM (the OG showrunner) has been releasing and rereleasing photos of Buddie and Bathena for the last few weeks, I believed their absences in season 6 became too glaring for me to continue ignoring them. For Buck and Eddie to be drastically removed from each other’s lives had to be on purpose and IMO, it was done so the audience would realize how them not being with each other didn’t make sense. Let’s be real, regardless as to whether a viewer ships Buck and Eddie as a romantic couple, their presence in each other’s lives and the Buckley-Diaz family’s dynamic has become a staple on the show and when they’re not included, people notice. Everyone knows how close they are so for them to be separated and viewers along with journalists writing about it was perplexing to say the least.

Before I delve into this, please understand these are MY OBSERVATIONS AND INTERPRETATIONS of the things I noticed during season 6, therefore, it’s ok if someone doesn’t agree. Everyone interprets media differently so it’s ok for two differences of an opinion to coexist without someone trying to force their thoughts onto the other person.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

I believe it all started with the scene below when Eddie asked, “Buck! Where the hell you going?” because their absences started right after it and they continued through the early part of 6B.

In 6x4, Buck was off work while Bobby, Chimney and Eddie were all at work but there was no explanation given as to why Buck was off. Everyone knows Buck loves being at the firehouse especially since he filed a lawsuit to get back to the team after the ladder truck explosion (whether he was right or wrong in filing the lawsuit will not be discussed here. It happened more than four years ago and I’ve moved on from it). He wasn’t sick so it’s not like he used a sick day but maybe he used a personal day or he used some PTO time but either way, the audience wasn’t told why he wasn’t with the 118.

He went to Hen’s house to discuss Connor's request for him to be his sperm donor but since she was on leave, no explanation was needed for why she wasn’t at work. Reminder, Buck wasn’t on leave so he could have gone to her house to talk to her after their shift ended but he didn’t. His absence was noticeable especially since at the beginning of the episode, he was sitting at the other end of the table alone and away from the group while Eddie, Chimney and Hen talked about Eddie disciplining Chris for skipping his science club meetings.

In 6x5, Eddie took Hoover the dog to Buck’s loft but the audience didn't see it. It was the only handoff that wasn't shown in CANON but the question is, why? What was the issue with the audience seeing Eddie give Buck the dog ? The only thing that makes narrative sense is they wanted viewers to not see it so they would notice. Interesting!

In 6x7, Eddie didn't mention Buck at all when he told Felisa about Chris being lost in the Tsunami but once again the question is why? Everyone who watched 3x1-3x3 knows Eddie took Chris to visit "His Buck" that day and Eddie showed Hen and Chimney a selfie of Buck and Chris while they were on a call. In the photo, Buck and Chris were at breakfast earlier eating pancakes. Also, after the first wave hit, we know Buck saved Chris and they got separated so Eddie’s scene with Felisa was another glaringly obvious one where Buck wasn’t mentioned and it had to have been done for a reason. Reminder, Eddie told Felisa “My wife died… and six months later my son was on the pier when the Tsunami hit.” Well, Chris wasn’t there alone so 👀.

In 6x8, Buck was missing when Eddie and Chris were getting ready for Chris' first school dance. Carla was there but it was kind of off putting and it seemed like she shouldn’t have been the one Eddie was talking to the same way she shouldn’t have been talking to him in 5x10 when he was preparing to leave the 118. If they didn’t want Buck there, then it could have easily been a father and son moment between Eddie and Chris especially since she didn't do anything but say she thought it was Chris' first crush after they went into the kitchen. It was only one of the two episodes she was in for the entire season, so what gives?

Later in the episode, Eddie ended up telling Buck and the 118 about it anyway and based on Buck’s reaction, it's likely Chris had already told Buck about his crush (post linked here).

In 6x10, Eddie was present and at the firehouse while Buck and Chimney cleaned the fire engine and the ladder truck. He was on the floor throwing a baseball with Hen.

But Eddie was missing from the call when a lightning strike hit the car and the woman gave birth but reminder, the scene happened after he was AT THE FIREHOUSE with everyone else. It's possible he could have been man behind but the point is he was missing. Also, why was he missing? Buck helped Bobby with the baby and Bobby had to call Hen and Chimney over for assistance which means Eddie’s help as a medic was needed for all three victims but it was kind of like the show wanted him to be absent so the viewers would notice and we did.

In 6x11, Eddie was only in Buck’s coma dream at the beginning when Daniel told him the next time he goes up a ladder, he should have someone to have his back and Buck said he did. Other than that initial interaction, Eddie WASN'T there and his absence was glaringly obvious.

In 6x13, Eddie was M.I.A. twice. The first time was after a call that he went to with Buck and Hen. It was the one where the couple misplaced a "toy".

Chimney wasn't on the call with them but when they were leaving work and Buck was calling all the women he slept with to see if he satisfied them (which was 🙄 I don’t even have words), Eddie wasn't there but Chimney was. But the question once again is why? Could it be the show was making a point since Buck had just had a conversation with a victim’s husband about an article he read that stated 80% of women aren’t satisfied by their partners (related post about Buck’s woodworking skills linked here)?

In 6x13, Eddie wasn’t at the loft while Buck and Chris were baking cookies and it appears to be a call back to 5x3 when AF was caring for Chris during the blackout (related post linked here). Reminder, AF left a mess in Eddie’s kitchen but Buck’s kitchen was clean and organized while him and Chris were baking cookies for Chris’ whole class. They even talked about cooking the steaks Buck and Eddie won while they played poker for dinner.

What was the reason for all of this?

Initially I, like many others was pissed at the lack of Buck and Eddie, Buck, Eddie and Chris and Buckley-Diaz Family scenes in 6A. I’m still annoyed by it but like I mentioned above, hindsight is 20/20 so it’s possible the show was trying to get the audience to realize how important they are in each other’s lives by omitting them from specific and important scenes.

Did they do a good job of illustrating it? NO!

They could have done it differently like a lot of other things but the season ended messily and by then it was too late to change it.

The point of this post is whenever Buck and Eddie are absent, it's noticeable and it can't be denied. KR said they were mixing up the dynamics (related post linked here) but that can't be it because in 6x9 Hen ended up talking to her best friend Chimney about the way she was feeling about Denny wanting to meet Nathaniel after Eddie and Buck dropped off their four-way call, so she wasn't telling the whole truth.

Could their absences be a coincidence? No. Why?

Because in 6x7 Athena said she didn't believe in them and in 5x17 Karen said once is a mistake, two times is a coincidence and three times is a pattern. Well, their absences happened more than three times so Buck and Eddie missing in action from each other's lives was a pattern in season 6 and it seems to have been done on purpose.

It appears the omittances of Buck and Eddie from specific scenes in season 6 was in preparation for season 7 but the question is, will anything come of them? Who knows except for the showrunner (TM), the writers, producers and the actors and actresses so we shall see.

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz #the buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family #911 on abc #911 abc #911 meta #911 season 6 speculation #911 season 7 #911 season 7 speculation #911 speculation

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reve-writes · 1 year

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—i refuse to mourn you; chishiya shuntaro.

ʚ chishiya shuntaro x reader | alice in borderland. ʚ not-so-soft morning overthinking followed by a soft morning confession. ʚ established relationship; mentions of death. ʚ a/n —

Your fingers are tangled in his ashy blond hair with your thumb stroking his temple as you lie on your side. His feline-like eyes are closed and his breathing even, but a slight tug of the corner of his lips upward tells you that he's awake. Shuntaro's hand feels around the comforter until it settles on your waist and he starts absentmindedly tracing light patterns on your lower back.

Waking up next to Shuntaro is your favourite part of the day, but last night's events flood your mind. To say that the Ten of Hearts game was traumatic is a severe understatement. You were all forced to participate, and when the announcement bellowed across the Beach, you were reminded of a promise that Shuntaro and you had made to each other early into your relationship. Never take part in the same game.

While it can be beneficial for you to work together in certain games, the bad outweighs the good in his eyes. So, when you were put in a hearts game against your will, you panicked, making your way around the mansion to look for him. Shuntaro is an elusive man and he was even harder to find while you were trying to evade Aguni and his men. You eventually found him and the two of you stuck together until the end.

“It's too early for you to start frowning,” he mumbles, his voice heavy with sleep. You realize now that he has opened his eyes. “What's on your mind, hm?”

His dark eyes trace over your features, as if he is trying to read your mind.

“If I die, I hope you mourn for me.”

The words spill over like water through the cracks of a dam. You hope he mourns for you because sometimes you think he won't. While he's gotten better at giving and receiving affections, sometimes you never know what exactly he's feeling. It's hard to know whether he's feeling instead of thinking, he's always the type to logic his way out of a situation, after all.

The threat of dying is very real and looms over everyone every single day, but last night really puts everything into perspective. One may be able to play the damned games and get out alive, but if someone just decides to open fire at you, the way Aguni did, then none of it matters anyway.

He looks at you as if you've grown a second head, and then his eyebrows furrow and his light touches on your back come to a halt. He seems to struggle to come up with words and you don't blame him. You blurted out the first thing that came to mind when he asked. If he is offended by the implications of your statement, he doesn't show it.

He seems to have regained his composure. A small smirk appears on his lips and you suddenly want to kiss him. He asks with a light tone, “You're not dying anytime soon, are you?”

You frown, intending to take the conversation into a more serious direction. As much as you love his sarcastic, teasing self, this is something you've wanted to talk about for a long time.

“Who knows, Shuntaro? I can die anytime. We can die at any point. Hell, we could have died last night. Dying sometimes feels like a matter of when rather than if.”

“We didn't,” he immediately responds. “We're fine.”

“For now, but if anything happens, I just want you to know —”

He interrupts you, calling your name in a warning tone. “Let's not.”

You huff, pushing the covers off of you to get up from bed. The conversation is over anyway. The morning respite has all been replaced by waves of anxiety churning your stomach.

His hands immediately curl around your body, pulling you close to his chest. “Stay in bed.”

“Shuntaro?”

You hear his heart beating fast in his ribcage. You angle your head to look up at his face. He has his eyes closed, but his eyebrows are furrowed and his lips are pressed in a frown.

“You can't die,” he says. “You can't die on me. I refuse to mourn for you.”

His voice cracks slightly at the end of his sentence and you are overwhelmed by so many different feelings at the same time. One of them is guilt because you thought he might not mourn for you. Shuntaro slips his hands under his hoodie that you're clad in, pulling you even tighter into him by your waist.

He doesn't say anything else. He doesn't need to. You want to say something — those three words that make your heart swell whenever you're with him that you feel like you're about to burst, but you don't say them.

“You can't die on me as well, okay?” You press a kiss to his neck. He hums into the top of your head. “I'll never forgive you if you do.”

He chuckles. The sound echoes in his chest. Suddenly, the words are pushing at the tip of your tongue again, but you swallow them harshly.

He pulls back slightly. A hand slides up to cup your cheek. He takes a deep breath, his eyes stare into yours. When he says it, it doesn't register in your head until the moment has passed. Your eyes widen and you press a kiss to his lips, but you're too busy smiling to give him a proper kiss.

“Say it again,” you demand. He smiles back at you.

Without protest, he says, “I love you.”

[ ].

#chishiya x reader #chishiya shuntaro x reader #—ki writes 🍯

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delopsia · 3 months

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You dont write for him but miles miller has such omega energy 🔥

Oh! I haven't seen an ask for Miles in such a long time 😭 I do write for him! It just...falls into a more by-demand basis, lmao.

Miles is such a handful of an omega to start with; more than once, he's been courted by someone who later backed out because of how much attention he requires.

Like most things, omega's fall on all sides of the neediness spectrum. The clingy omega subtype is romanticized; most think they can handle it until they're in too deep; one party is thankful they're no longer they're feeling suffocated, and the other is torn up about it, thinking that the problem lies within themselves. They're the common denominator, after all.

So when you do meet Miles, a meek little hotel clerk who can hardly keep hold of the pen that he hands you, he's already had his heart broken more times than he'd care to count. Just a whiff of your scent is enough to make his knees weaken, has to cling to the counter to keep himself upright. His lonely heart wonders what it would be like to be wrapped up in your arms, but his head reminds him that it will never work out.

But you're a surprising regular at this hotel. Your job requires you to float between two offices, and this place just so happens to be the perfect middle ground. You leave the office late in the afternoon, stay at the El Royale for the night, and then finish the other half of your trip the next day. It's not your ideal setup, but your employer foots the bill and the rooms are clean. But you'd be lying if you said part of the reason was because of that sweet little hotel clerk.

You're on your thirteenth visit when most of the staff walk out, saying something about sketchy management, but that doe-eyed omega is still here. Bouncing around, struggling to keep up with cleaning, running the front desk, supplying the bar, and all of a sudden now he's got to figure out how the hell to work a kitchen.

An oven fire is what gets you two talking; his poor attempt at baking a premade pie because your preferred flavor was sold out ends in you ordering pizza and sharing it with him. He's flighty at first. Has to be convinced to take a slice, then comes moseying out the back room a few minutes later, shyly asking for another.

And just like that, he starts coming around more and more. He remembers your name and memorizes the pattern of your visits. Always seems to have your favorite room reserved for you, with a few extra linens and amenities that weren't there before. At first, you presume it to be an omega thing, but the longer it goes on, you begin to wonder if it's his shy way of courting.

You don't particularly remember when your relationship started. Maybe it was when he showed up at your room for the first time, or perhaps it was before that. When he didn't realize he'd started his heat, and you'd walked in on a particularly irritating alpha staring him down in the lobby. Miles had meekly requested that you scent him because, theoretically, the pheromones of another would serve as an off-limits sign. But then he'd snuggled beneath your chin, and he couldn't move a muscle.

He's got a bit of a nest in the maintenance room, a bunch of ratty blankets cobbled on top of a lowly single mattress. When you'd offered to look after him, the greater half of you was expecting him to jump on you the moment the door shut, but all Miles wanted to do was snuggle on top of you. Whining low in his throat and nuzzling into the juncture of your jaw. Medicine takes hold and wards off the worst of his heat, and he's better by morning. For once, the circles beneath his eyes aren't so dark.

The next time you see him, he bounces right up and barely manages to stop himself from jamming his head into your neck, squeaking and stuttering. But he's welcome to do that; you don't mind.

He pops up at your door that night under the guise of giving you a slice of pie that he's only marginally burnt this time. Barely protests when you offer to let him in, and one way or another, he winds up snuggled on top of you again. It happens again. And again. And again. Bringing all sorts of pie slices until you finally tell him that he's welcome to visit without it.

You've been visiting the El Royale for nine months when you find yourself caught up in traffic; a rough storm has rolled through and put more folks in the ditch than you can count. It's midnight when you make it to the hotel, and Miles damn near runs you down, slamming into your chest, babbling that he'd thought something bad happened. And before either of you can think twice, he's kissing you.

He quits charging you for your stays sometime after that. At some point in your absence, he had another heat and couldn't rest until he'd thrown everything out of one of the storage rooms and turned it into a makeshift bedroom. A proper-sized mattress that he hijacked from a closed room, away from the one-way mirrors and where he can still hear the ring of the bell. You don't mind it. Too content to lay with him and kiss his pale forehead as he snuggles into you. He's never truly quiet, chirping and making all sorts of funny noises. Sporadic, too. One moment, he's on the other side of the room, and the next, he's got to be right next to you. Chatting and stuttering and switching between wanting to hold your hand to wanting full-blown hugs.

There's a night when the hotel is completely dead. Not a soul in the building, aside from the two of you, and you find yourself with Miles between your legs. Drooling as he eats you out, desperate to feel you cum on his pretty pink tongue. Doesn't entirely know how to act when you wrap your hand around his cock, jams his cute face into your chest, and whimpers high in his throat. Oh, oh, oh, he wants to ride you so bad, but you didn't pack a strap, and he's got to settle for your fingers instead. Devolves into a wonderfully noisy little mess that makes you feel dizzy to look at; you just want to wrap him up and take him home with you.

But then you get the news that you're being transferred to an office far away from California and Nevada, and you're in no position to reject the offer. All of a sudden, you've only got three more nights to spend with the doe-eyed omega who's been the highlight of your life for the past two years.

He takes it horribly. Speaking through wobbly lips and watery eyes, begging you to not leave him behind. He could hardly let go of you before; now, he's practically glued to you. Doesn't want to answer the ring of his bell or do his job. No, he can't stand to lose a single second. You're offering to take him with you; your apartment will have two bedrooms, and he's only got a few bags to his name, but for lack of better terms, he's trapped at this hotel.

He asked you to bring a toy for your final visit, was still dying to ride you, but when he saw it in your bag, he dissolved into a sobbing mess. Muttering about how he couldn't do it; he couldn't stand to get any more attached to you when you were leaving for good.

You leave him with as many kisses as he can handle, a phone number, and an address. If he ever wants to come, he can. But you don't think you've ever experienced an omega's scent go downright sour like it does. Clinging to you even as you step through the unfamiliar front door of your new home.

The calls come for a while. Miles talking your ear off from the front desk, but then they stop all of a sudden. A letter comes in revealing that someone ripped the telephone line clean out of the wall. No more phone calls. Only letters. And Miles can only afford so many stamps. Those stop, too.

For seven months, you don't hear from that odd little omega. The only sign he ever existed is the scar he accidentally left on your collar when he got too nippy and a t-shirt that fell off the bed and into your suitcase.

You're heading home one afternoon, head fuzzy with the endless papers you've been forced to deal with and what needs to be taken care of as soon as you clock back in. But then you turn the corner and find a small figure sitting against your door.

Miles. Toying with the frayed edge of his bus ticket. Has nothing but a tattered bag with him. His hair is a little longer. Messier, too, has lost a noticeable amount of weight, but he's every bit of the man you left behind.

A lot of folks warned you against opening your home to an omega like Miles. He doesn't have the ideal history, is dead broke, and the only thing he can bring to the table is himself, but that's all you could possibly ask of him. And funny enough, those very people are now the ones twinging with jealousy.

At a glance, Miles looks like the perfect house omega; he fits the stereotype incredibly well. Indulging in his instinct to take care of you, fussing over paper cuts and nearly has a heart attack when you trip over the rug in the kitchen. Greets you with nuzzles and kisses when you come home. Always keeps the apartment perfectly clean, the sheets are always soft, and he's taught himself to cook. But that's not all there is to him.

In the safety of a home he can call his own, he's flourished. A more vivid version of himself, as compared to back at the El Royale. Still stutters here and there, but he's confident. Unafraid to flash his teeth at someone for getting too friendly with you, speaks his mind and does things his way. He's not much for being ordered around; he's got an opinion, and he'll be damned if someone tries to silence him, but you wouldn't have it any other way. He does these things because he wants to, not because it's expected of him.

And you've spoiled him, truly. Because the Miles you met, never would have pushed you on the bed and rode you to his heart's content. This Miles doesn't worry about his playful nips giving you the impression that he's trying to be mean. Doesn't give a damn if the neighbors overhear him. His favorite nights are the ones when he gets to tease you until you snap, pinning him by the nape of his neck. Loves to be manhandled and taught a good lesson; there's something about rebellion in the safety of his own home that makes him feel alive again.

His heats never truly change. The first night is always the worst, you have to thoroughly wring him out before he can even consider sleep, but after that, he prefers to spend the rest of it in your company. Sometimes, that means laying on top of you while you watch television, or it can also include the simple comfort of being in the same room together, performing vastly separate tasks.

He'll probably always jump at the sound of fireworks, bolting to you at the slightest fright and coming off as meek to those he isn't familiar with, but that's just another part of Miles that you love. Simply a diamond in the rough who needs a little more comfort and attention than most. He wouldn't be Miles otherwise.

And as you come home from work, listening to him chirp as he peppers you with kisses, you can see the television from over his shoulder—an unnamed reporter standing in the burnt remains of the El Royale. Some old, cheap hotel that will be long forgotten in a matter of years but just so happened to bring you right to the love of your life.

#yeah i got carried away again #delgato's asks #miles miller x reader #miles miller #omegaverse

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lover-of-mine · 6 months

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several sentence sunday

I was tagged by @honestlyeddie @wildlife4life @try-set-me-on-fire @eddiebabygirldiaz @disasterbuckdiaz @wikiangela @daffi-990 thank you <3

well, i've been bouncing between docs all weekend, but have this bit with way more than 7 sentences I wrote in the middle of the night for the divorced era fic just because prev snippet

Eddie is waiting for the nightmare. He knows his patterns and triggers too well by now to not realize it's coming. He had the day off and he still hadn't talked to Buck, and Buck had called exactly once, no messages, so it was unavoidable. He knows he wouldn't be lucky enough to get two peaceful nights. Not after a whole day of sulking around and letting the thoughts of everything that could go wrong, everything that had gone wrong, take over his mind. Not when he didn't have the physical exhaustion of a shift to make him sleep through the night So he's waiting for it. It doesn't make it any easier though. Doesn't make the image of Buck falling into the fire shifting until he's hanging motionless from the ladder go away once he gasps awake. Doesn't stop the way his heart is beating rapidly, adrenaline spiking, while he tries to remind himself it was just a dream. He has a routine when this happens. When he wakes up feeling like the only thing that will calm him down is proof of life. With that buzzing feeling under his skin that he knows will only go away when he's seeing Buck with his own eyes, sometimes while trying to sneakily feel his pulse. It's easier when Buck is on the couch, that way he can check on him and get a head start on breakfast. If they had the day off, he would text, try to make plans, maybe breakfast after he dropped Christopher off, but considering how well Buck knew him, he would show up with pastries and coffee before Chris was even up, and tag along for the day, without ever asking questions if Eddie didn't want to talk. If they had a shift, that usually meant Carla was the one taking Chris to school, so he would drive to the weird coffee shop that's way out of their way but has this way too sweet monstrosity Buck loved, just because the way Buck would grin at him when he saw the cup was enough to erase any remaining anxiety from his mind. Now? Now he doesn't know what to do.

No pressure tagging 🩷: @bucks118 @honestlydarkprincess @housewifebuck @giddyupbuck @watchyourbuck @steadfastsaturnsrings

#eddie is hiding #poor baby is gonna have a really bad day because of it #but bucks day is gonna be worse so #yeah #telenovela levels of drama oaksoaksokasokasas #anyway #seven sentence sunday #writing #divorced era? fic #911 wip #buddie wip

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rizzrizzriki · 1 year

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dance the night away | a ni-ki short fic

back again with ANOTHER niki drabble 🙁… anyways

word count: 800+

warnings: i probably spelled somethings wrong :\ lmk

ni-ki x gn! reader

yayayaya

"that was amazing."

"that was terrible."

it'd been hours, no, maybe days since the two of you had taken a break from learning this choreography, and everything was hurting, at this point. the dance studio was empty save for the two of you, standing there in the middle of the room like idiots.

"it's never been this hard before," you whined, trying to go over the moves in your head.

it was getting more and more difficult; for what reason? no one knew. you'd already forgotten the name of this part of the choreography, and your feet hurt just thinking about having to learn it again.

niki sighed, running his hands through his hair. "it's alright." he reassured you. "it'll get easier with practice."

you threw yourself in the nearest corner of the room, sitting where the floor met the wall with your legs sprawled out across the floor. it was all you could do not to slump over into a heap on the spot like a puddle of mud and melt right into the floor, which, honestly, didn't sound like a horrible idea. he mirrored your actions, sliding down the wall until you were both sitting like awkwardly posed store mannequins.

niki rested his chin on your shoulder, looking up at you as he did so. "are you tired?"

"is that a question?"

he laughed a bit. "maybe i should throw in a reminder that you picked this choreo."

another overexaggerated sigh echoed through the room before you pulled the drawstrings of your hoodie, pulling it around you more securely than before. even though he was right, you didn't need to be reminded that you had something to do with choosing this awfully horrendous dance. you'd chosen this dance because it looked easy, at first; plus, it reminded you of some dance moves on tv you'd seen when you were younger. but now...now it felt more like torture.

"oh well, guess i don't need my joints anyways," you said, getting up from the cold, hardwood floor.

"see? that's the spirit!"

niki cheered, standing up too. his smile was so wide that you thought it might eventually get stuck like that or something. he looked ridiculous, but you wouldn't have minded if you never saw his grin fade ever again in your life.

with the press of a button, music echoed through the speakers, loud enough to cause ripples through the air, and you started moving toward the center of the room where the steps would start. you could feel niki's eyes on your back as you spun on one foot after the other, your arms stretching up over your head as you tried to move through the complicated pattern. you stopped once you realized niki hadn't moved, turning back around, watching him with raised eyebrows.

"uh, why didn't you join me?"

he blinked, smirking to himself. "i don't know how to dance."

"cut the crap, nishimura."

"wow, pretty big word for you."

you narrowed your eyes. "this isn't funny anymore."

"it wasn't a joke, it was an observation."

he started the music again, and this time, everything around you disappeared. every beat of the music was accompanied by another movement of yours, your body twisting and turning as you took in every new detail of each step you made. you forgot about the ache in your legs and the soreness of your joints and all that nonsense, you only wanted to move in rhythm, like the music itself.

you moved through each step with almost perfect precision as if guided by some divine force. you'd probably imagined it, but you could've sworn you heard the music whisper its way through your limbs; it sounded like it was alive, pulsing in harmony with your own heart beating loudly within your chest.

you danced like a hurricane, a tempest of adrenaline and passion, and niki didn't dare stop you.

the music cut off seconds later and heaving breaths filled the space around you. your chest heaved, too, trying to catch your breath as you looked up at niki, who gave you an encouraging eyebrow bounce. his lips were curved into a genuine grin, and you returned it, still panting as you sat down on a nearby stool.

"right, so... what was that?" he asked, walking over to you.

"was it good?"

he hummed. "better than good. here, i recorded."

you watched as your dance moves glided through the room on the screen of his phone, and a sense of pride settled in your gut, along with absolute disbelief.

"that was not me."

"did you get possessed?" he joked.

you smiled, almost as widely as he did, the corners of your mouth lifting up. your face was wet with sweat, your nose was stuffy, and your cheeks ached; but nothing else hurt, not even your feet. niki reached up to take a towel, offering it to you so that you could wipe the sweat off your face. you accepted it, and used it to clean the rest of your skin off while niki leaned against the mirror beside you.

"that was amazing, huh?" you said after taking a second to catch your breath.

his smiled turned into a sly smirk. “well, i didn’t say it was amazing, but-“

“alright, i’m leaving.”

putting more effort in this than in my essay 😋

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enstarrievalkyrie · 1 year

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Note:hello! Freaking love this idea, I really love fischl because of her outfit and personality.Sry if this took so long, I only write when ideas come to me. Anyways hope you enjoy @glazeflower 🌼

• Shu loves your fashion ever since he met you. So let's talk about how he met you.

• You were a new student in Yumenosaki much to your disappointment you weren't allowed to wear your desired fluffy dresses but you still try to add small elements of your fashion into your outfit. Like wearing long, black socks with some ruffles at the ends, or wearing a black choker with a lacy pattern and ribbons attached to it.

• Shu is usually very busy making idol outfits so he doesn't have a lot of time wandering around. With this, Mika is probably the one that told Shu about you and your weird behavior. Shu first just shrug it off thinking it's just another new student, nothing new. That's until when he first saw you, it was only a glance but it made him change his whole perspective of you.

• Was it the dark makeup, or the ruffle collar, or was it cute headband that attracts him. He didn't know but what he do know is that he is enamoured by you. Before actually meeting you he would ask people that are close to you what were you like.

• He would actually practice what to say before talking to you(my boi is nervous). The conversation went well, he managed to befriend you since both of you literally speak the same manner that confuse people.

• Its gonna take a while until he start to come around his feelings with you. Would be too shy to confess, so he would just stay beside you in fear that someone might try to seduce you.

• He would definitely make your outfits for you, why wouldn't he, he is one of best tailor in Yumenosaki. He is kinda familiar with the style and knows how to work his way around the ruffles. Being the perfectionist he is, he would literally take about a week to just have the design drawn. You gotta remind him to take a break sometimes or else he might overwork himself.

• He pays close attention when you're applying your makeup and would literally take down notes on what range of colours you use for your eyes. He does this so next time he could apply them for you, with your permission of course.

• Would ask for your thoughts when creating an outfit design since you're delusional, you creativity is beyond imagination. You would give a whole essay of description and he pay full attention to your thoughts.

• Would ask you out on a date and he be like

"Would your royal highness like to dine with me for dinner?"

"Hmph! If my royal subjects do so insists, then it wouldn't hurt to go. Your royal princess has accepted your request!"

" I would forever be grateful for this opportunity you have given me your highness, I will not let you down. Thank you milady,"

You would extend your hand and he would gently take it and kiss it.

The other idols probably look at you guys like a bunch of freaks lol.

• He acts awfully nice to you, even Mika notices it. He got kinda jealous(my poor bby) would try to get along with you and realize how both of you are together. When he accidently called you by your name instead of 'your royal highness' he would get a scolding from Shu. He's about to cry when you give him an approval for being near to you. Spends more time with you because you are together with Shu. Likes to play with the ruffles and ribbons when you wear a dress.

• After graduating, Shu eventually confess to you and requested to be your boyfriend. Blushing you would obviously accept it with the most confusing essay of words. After you accepted, he would be the most clingiest and easily jealoused boyfriend ever. From time to time you need to assure him that you still loves him with all your heart.

• Your morning routine will be you holding two puffy dresses up to your chest, asking him which should you wear today and him doing your makeup while he too prepares himself for the day. Helps you with your hair, he would hand you the ribbons or help you place it if you requested for his help.

#enstars x reader #ensemble stars #ensemble stars x reader #enstars #mika kagehira #shu itsuki #shu x reader #shu itsuki x reader #valkyrie x reader #valkyrie #genshin impact #fischl

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heliads · 1 year

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platonic!aragorn x reader? i requested a bunch of these a while ago and i just adore how you write him. perhaps something in rivendell where the reader is overworking themselves because their productivity is really low so they work longer (bonus points if reader is a writer) and aragorn gets them to relax. ooh and sibling-style banter pls!!!

bonus points?? i didn't realize i was getting points at all this is fantastic

masterlist

Spring is a soothing time, it always has been. Winter is dark and dangerous; the sun sets early and tempers snap quickly, even amongst the elves. Those who claim to only proffer peace can lose it faster than you think. Grey skies spell trouble, early frost kills each and every bloom that thinks itself tenacious enough to come out before its time.

Every winter you think the cold will never end, that warmth and light will stay dead forever. Every spring, you are reminded of the one truth in this world that everyone seems to forget: it will get better from here on out. There will, at some point, be a surrender of darkness, and you will heal. We all will, and we will do it together.

You are remembering that now as you walk through the gardens of Rivendell. Stormy nights made the stone and wood structures look cold with gloom, but with the way the sun shines upon them now, you would think yourself in a wholly different place. This is your home, it has been for the last ten years. You were not an elf born, but you came to their city and they welcomed you anyway. Swords can only do so much good. Sometimes poets and scholars are more necessary than guards.

So you found a place tucked away in glen thickets and stone walkways, so you learned to pursue your craft of words and thoughts until a foreign place felt like home and accepted you as one of its own. No life is easy, not while monsters like orcs and trolls still roam the uncharted territories in between cities, but Rivendell is a peaceful life, and it does good by you.

If you cannot find strife in the danger of fighting for your life, however, you will make it yourself. Resting is a difficult thing, even though it shouldn’t be that way. If you rest too long, you start to think, and if you think, you start to realize that you are technically an outsider here, not born within the stone spirals of Rivendell but of some other place, and that means you must prove that you deserve to stay here for longer. Those who stay must have meaning. What, then, could possibly be yours?

You’re a writer, then. Fine. Could your writing compare to those around you? Even the least of the elves still have centuries on you, so much time to hone their craft. By comparison, your scribblings must look juvenile at best. You’re trying, sure, but effort can only get you so far.

You’ll have to catch up on time, then. That’s doable. It should be, at least. You pour hours into the study of manuscripts and texts in the library, force your quill to paper so many times you think you might as well never lift it up. You may not have time as your virtue, but you can force it to work for you anyway.

The problem is getting your brain to cooperate half as well as your hands. Your pattern of frantic writing starts to wear away from you as you attempt to keep up the pattern from dawn until dusk day after day after day. It is exhausting work, but it shouldn’t be– isn’t this writing, what you decided you wanted to do forever? If you were truly gifted at it, this wouldn’t take so much effort, and it certainly wouldn’t drain you the way that it does. Maybe that is another failing, one more thing that separates you from the elves.

You hadn’t realized others were aware of your inner strife until you got a visitor one month after winter ended. He comes with bloodied hands washed clean, armor placed in an unlocked box for quick access, sword still within reach. Peace does not come easily to him either, son of the North, but it does not come easily to anyone. Aragorn might disguise his torment better than you, though. Or so he pretends.

You were not aware that he was stopping by. Perhaps you should have known, if you had spent more time outside of your study instead of unsuccessfully trying to burn through the latest chapter in your work. Regardless of what you could have learned, the result is the same: your old friend stands in the doorway, shaking his head with mock solemnity even as he fails to hide a grin.

“Y/N, friend, have you ever been able to let yourself enjoy your time here, or must you always suffer yourself to your pages?”

You stand up with a smile and walk over to greet him. “Aragorn, how lovely to see you. What brings you this way?”

He lifts a shoulder. “Tracking business. There are rumors I don’t like about goings-on near Mount Doom, but that’s neither here nor there. Also, I heard that you weren’t doing as well as I would care to imagine.”

You stifle a groan. “You’ve been in contact with Arwen, haven’t you? Tell her she has nothing to worry about.”

“I would if I believed I wasn’t telling her lies,” Aragorn muses, “you seem too tired, my friend. Your brow is lined, your eyes are weary. What is the meaning of this?”

He does not say it angrily, or in any demand for information, just a concern for his friend. It is this and this alone that finally convinces you to open up.

“I need to do it,” you tell him at last, “I need results. I need pages of writing to make up for the fact that I lack the experience of the elves. I may be tired, but I feel like I have to prove that I deserve to be here.”

Aragorn shakes his head, looking surprised. “That cannot be. Who has told you that a person cannot merely live and have that be enough? Not every task must be proven right or proven useful, Y/N. You do not have to outwrite the elves, that truly is impossible. You are here to follow your own path, not theirs.”

You sigh. “It is difficult to not compare my writing with theirs when we live in the same place.”

“I remember that,” Aragorn says thoughtfully, “growing up and learning the way of the sword from elves with many decades already more than me was challenging, but it teaches you things that you would not know from mankind. Do not let them affect you, Y/N, intentionally or not. Only do what you wish to do. That is why you are here, not to do what they can but what you can. That way, they can learn from you as well.”

You run a tired hand across your face. “So you really came all this way to tell me to relax?”

His face splits in a familiar grin. “I figured you would need some advice. Besides, it truly is good to see you. It has been too long since we last spoke.”

You agree with that. “That means you could visit more often, you know, instead of tracking random animals through the wilderness.”

He frowns with pretend indignation. “My tasks are more important than that.”

“I wouldn’t know,” you tease, “you never visit long enough to tell me. And when you are here, you spend all your time following a certain Elf-maiden around. It makes for difficult conversation.”

He laughs. “You’re impossible.”

“Of course I am,” you say gleefully, “that’s why we’re friends. Thank you, though, for your words. I do appreciate them.”

“They are true,” he reminds you, “it is okay to rest. It always will be.”

It is a good message, this. Hard to remember and even harder to practice, but still good. You will try to apply its power in the days to come.

lotr tag list: @rogueanschel, @retvenkos, @gods-fools-heroes

#aragorn #aragorn imagines #aragorn x reader #aragorn oneshot #strider #strider imagines #strider x reader #strider oneshot #lotr #lotr imagines #lotr x reader #lotr oneshot #tolkien #tolkien imagines #tolkien oneshot #lotr aragorn #lotr aragorn imagines #lotr aragorn x reader #lotr aragorn oneshot

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princescribbler · 1 year

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How did you learn to be OK liking diapers

I don't always know when to be brief and when to be overly explanatory. I'm guessing this is a time for verbosity, though. Why? Because of the huge subtext in your question. How to be ok with it; not how to be more turned on, how to get a specific kind of relationship... how to be ok with it. How to be ok, implying that you're not ok with your kinks, you're struggling emotionally likely to not just accept your kinks... but to accept yourself. Because spoiler alert: you are made up of a lot of things, and your kinks and fetishes are part of that.

So how did i hey to a point of self acceptance?

First, my process likely looks different than yours will. Let's acknowledge that. Self acceptance is a lifelong journey, and each of us treads our own paths. But put simply...I didn't accept my need for this stuff until I was in my late 20s or really into my early 30s. Plus, my journey involved family issues, recognizing issues with adhd, depression, anxiety, etc. I needed therapy, I needed friends, I needed a new life all before I could start my healing process... and hopefully you don't!

I had issues with acceptance. That's the key of this though: self acceptance and accepting your kinks. Accepting that you really don't have a lot of control over what turns you on, just how you interact with it. Acceptance and acknowledgement that me having a diaper fetish in no way, shape, or form negatively influences me as a human. I'm still me: I just sometimes get off in diapers.

So step 1: acceptance is key, and so is the very challenging task to recognize your value and qualities are not dependent on how socially acceptable those qualities are. Sure, SOME other people might judge, but not the quality ones.

Step 2: reconstruct my mental idea of what my kinks are. For example,I used to think i was deeply fucked up for wanting to wear diapers full time and unpotty train. Heck, I didn't even admit that to a therapist until I was nearly 30, almost a decade AFTER starting therapy... only to be told it wasn't a big deal. The therapist got to the heart of it very fast: she explained it as, roughly, "You want to become diaper dependent, yes because it is sexually exciting in some ways and a loss of autonomy and control, but also so you can justify your needs through physical, rather than emotional, justification". Mind fucking blown. My whole mental map had this idea at the core that I was a perverted sexual deviant... only to be reminded that we're all just trying to figure out why we feel and want what we feel. I'm just a bit more kinky about it than average. Add in a complete internal dialogue change (like accepting the term cute for my regressive mindset instead of it feeling 'fake', or embarrassing, or trying to be PROUD of my efforts to integrate kinky into my life in a healthy way, seeing progress and taking pride) and more change follows.

I found a whole new partnership: I can't promise I'd have made it this far in acceptance and self discovery without my partner, my love, my princess, and my sweetheart babygirl mommabyte, @giggle-byte . I found someone who fostered the good, helped me not obsess over the bad, and worked with me on gently repositioning my outlook and perspective. I think I've helped her in the same way, because support and encouragement are magical, awesome things.

This one can't be ignored: FIX THE OTHER STUFF. You might think your big issue is kink... and sometimes you're right, and sometimes you're wrong. I was fixated on kink as the source of Shame for me, of all my issues. Therapy and EMDR to cope with some trauma changed my outlook and I realized my core issues weren't that I was overly kinky or ashamed... it was that I was not taught healthy interactions with relationships, with kink, with family and I developed fragile and unhealthy attachments while repeating the negative patterns of behavior modeled for me by my family. And I got diagnosed, not just with depression and anxiety, but with adhd. And I started to treat it. I couldn't seem to get a good anti anxiety medication. I tried and failed about a half dozen antidepressants. And then I got help for adhd, and realized that in fact I had a severe developmental disorder, and am not just secretly lazy and useless like my entire self image taught me! Add in actually being better at focus, at my job, learning about my sexual and romantic needs while ACTUALLY GETTING THEM FILLED??? Fucking mind blowing!!!!!

So... to summarize so far, and the Key takeaways of my journey to accepting and being ok with diapers and my kinks; self acceptance, changing my internal dialogue, therapy, addressing underlying emotional and behavioral challenges, finding a romantic partner who accepted, supported, and nurtured my growth and safety, and then honestly working to develop better coping strategies and more positive self talk.

It's a lot! To be honest most folks don't struggle quite this hard, but hey, I'm special I guess. And my family did throw me out over kink. And I might've had a few complicating factors in there, lol... but the point is, being ok with diapers, and kink, and all of this stuff... it wasn't a single thing. And it wasn't a short term fix.

The only things I can advise for 'short-term' improvements are to help are changing your internal dialogue and seeking useful and peer reviewed research on how to cope with kinks and fetishism. And maybe getting a therapist... because that's kind of more key to my personal journey than I want to admit.

Good luck my friend and I wish you comfort, security, self acceptance, and a life of enjoying your kinks!

Good luck, bud, and as I try to tell everyone: stay happy, stay healthy, and stay kinky!!

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donnerpartyofone · 4 months

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This week during my annual checkup, I will be asking my GP for a referral to a psychiatrist. In anticipation of this, I have been keeping a diary cataloging all the screwy, dysfunctional things I do during the course of a normal day. I'm afraid that if I simply go and tell a doctor what generally happens with me, they won't believe me. They'll tell me that I don't have any real problems, that all my alleged mistakes are the imaginary products of low self-esteem, like so many friends and family members and bad therapists have done. I need a record.

As I've been documenting my days and seeing the patterns in my dysfunction, more historical issues are beginning to surface. It's fascinating, it's like an archeological dig. I cleared a plot for a new building, and I've found all these esoteric items under the surface. How many times have I tried to learn something new, with great diligence and care, and somehow adopted the exact opposite practice of what I was taught, without even realizing it until it was too late?

When I decided to sign up for a karate class, I went to a demo and studied it intensely. I practiced what I had observed in the basement during the week before my first class, determined not to be embarrassed by what a slow (especially physical) learner I am. Then when I got to my first class, I realized that I had been doing the exact opposite of what the students in the demo were told to do with their feet.

When I was forced to take an after-school tap dance class, I could barely get through it because for some reason I picked up the exact opposite of the basic toe-heel pattern we were taught. I wasn't able to correct my perception at any time during the whole battery of rehearsals we had for our dumb little first performance; I only realized later, when I was randomly prompted to reflect on what we were shown (and which was repeated like a chant throughout every session). At least I didn't have to keep learning tap.

When I got my first barista job, I was very concerned about screwing up and listened intently to all of the training, trying to burn it into my brain. Weeks later, my boss gently pointed out that I had been very consistently putting the lid on the cup the exact opposite way he told me to do it, with the mouth hole incorrectly lined up with the cup seam.

When I met my future best friend in college--someone who immediately impressed me, and who I wanted to like me--I somehow convinced myself that her unusual last name was pronounced the exact opposite way from what she had told me. Embarrassingly, I went around valiantly correcting people like I was doing her a big favor, until she reminded me of what she had actually said.

Each time I think of an example of this, another one appears. How does this happen? On no occasion did I just blithely tune out, assuming I'd figure things out by myself and everything would be fine. On no occasion did I interrupt or ignore someone, assuming that what they were telling me didn't really matter. I'm not embarrassed to ask questions or to make someone repeat themselves. I have always been a studious person and a tragic people-pleaser. I want to do a good job. I believe in making an effort. I care. I was listening hard.

#right now i'm finding out that my husband is doing the exact opposite of what i swore i heard he was doing today #it's not the first time i have done this recently #why do i always think it's opposite day what the fuck is my problem

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finn-m-corvex · 7 months

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Jaya Week 2023 Day 5: Dance

So guess what guys, we're now two days behind! Yippee! Gonna do my best to get caught up today, but we'll see what happens. This one was hard at first because I didn't have an idea, and then it hit me, and once I started I couldn't really stop. It was great! Although it did turn out a little spicier than I intended, but I guess that's just what I was in the mood to write today. Oh well! COLE AND VANIA ARE PLATONIC IN THIS BY THE WAY DO NOT TAG AS CONIA OR I WILL COMMIT UNSPEAKABLE ACTS!

Words: 2.3k

TWs: POSSIBLE underage alcohol consumption (I personally headcanon them to be around 21 by Master of the Mountain but just in case), alcohol mention, sex reference (NOTHING explicit but implied), making out, Jay in a suit and Nya in a dress appreciation

[REUPLOAD]

Jay shuffled from his spot in the corner of the large ballroom, watching as dozens of dancers paired up on the floor to perform a gracious waltz. The citizens of Shintaro were more graceful than most of the people he had seen in Ninjago, their alabaster skin shining in the lights of the grand chandelier hanging over their heads. It was the night after they had defeated the Skull Sorceror; Vania’s coronation would be the next morning.

The ballroom itself was beyond gorgeous, just like the rest of the Ivory City. Gold trim wrapped itself in intricate patterns across the walls, creeping up the pillars in the room like glimmering vines. Marble statues stood solemnly at attention in all four corners, each depicting an ancient war hero from Shintaro’s past. Vania had promised Cole to have a statue of his mother commissioned to sit in the grand hall. The floor had been freshly polished, and Jay knew that he would’ve been upset to see the dress shoes scuffing it up if he were one of the workers.

He swirled a glass of punch in his hands; he had promised Nya that he wouldn’t drink until later, not that Jay had been planning on getting wasted. Scanning the room with a careful eye, Jay quickly realized that he and Zane were the only team members in the room at the moment.

Where was everyone else?

Cole jumpscared him from behind, making Jay shout and almost spill his drink all over an older man. The blue ninja apologized profusely before glaring at his best friend.

“Was that really necessary?” Jay grumbled, putting his drink down on the table next to him.

“You know the answer to that,” Cole snickered, and Jay had to remind himself that he was in public. He couldn’t just tackle Cole and start an all-out brawl.

Jay sighed, turning to fully face the earth ninja. “Where did you run off to?”

Shrugging, Cole snatched up Jay’s discarded glass and took a swig. “Vania needed some help with something, why?”

“I haven’t seen Nya in a while,” Jay admitted, taking the glass back after Cole complained about the lack of alcohol. “I’m starting to get worried.”

“Oh, there’s no need to worry about her. She’s getting ready with Lloyd and Kai,” Cole explained kindly, bumping Jay’s shoulder. “Nya’ll be out soon. Here, come and mingle with me, you always like meeting new people.”

That was a lie, and Jay saw the distraction for what it was, but it wasn’t like he had anything better to do. Hoping he wouldn’t regret it, Jay allowed Cole to whisk him away from his spot against the wall and into the well-dressed crowd.

Almost immediately, he regretted it.

Sticking as close to Cole’s side as a burr, Jay dutifully did his best to fend off the Shintaroans’ advances. More than a few of the single women on the floor approached him with flirtatious winks and tantilizing grins, all of them asking him in the sweetest tones to dance with them for the night. No one approached Cole, because everyone knew that as soon as Vania was ready and amongst the crowd he would be her dance partner, and no one wanted to upset the new queen.

Jay grimaced when yet another lady tried to attach herself to his arm. “I’m sorry, but I’m really not interested.”

Huffing, the lady turned away, muttering something about how pretty boys like him shouldn’t be on the floor if they didn’t want to dance. It made Jay’s blood start to boil, and he said something to Cole as the man walked from group to group to exchange pleasantries.

“I just need Nya to get out here, already.” Jay was saying, giving a hard stare to any women who looked his way for too long. Younger him would’ve been ecstatic at all of the attention he was garnering without really considering the implications, but older him was much wiser. And engaged.

“And yet we both know that she’ll have your head if you try to rush her,” Cole said, grabbing up a glass of actual wine and taking a small sip. He must’ve been getting nervous too, Jay noted. Usually he was the best of the human team members at holding off on the liquor.

“True.” Jay conceded, readjusting his tie around his neck. His blue suit was starting to feel suffocating, and Jay really came to realize that he and Cole were sticking out like sore thumbs with their darker suits in the sea of light creams and beiges, with many of the older folks wearing snow-white. Hopefully they weren’t violating some ancient dress code of Shintaro by not wearing anything in white.

Cole held the glass out to him, and Jay hesitated to take it. “Maybe you just need to loosen up a bit-”

You’re not the one who's taken, Jay thought sourly, but he noticed that Cole’s gaze wasn’t on him anymore. Instead, his onyx eyes were fixated on the other side of the room, unblinking. Jay could see the fondness in his face, and he turned to see what all of the commotion was about.

Vania had made her first appearance of the night, dressed in a flowing white dress with a train long enough to cover the entirety of Jay’s parents’ trailer. Golden thread was weaved throughout, nice complimenting the jewelry she was wearing and the large placeholder crown on her head. Her kind face was caked in makeup, but Jay could only really tell because he did makeup himself. She was breathtaking as she came strolling down the stairs that led to her chambers; maybe not Jay’s kind of breathtaking, but beautiful nonetheless.

“That’s my cue, buddy,” Cole said, looking slightly apologetic, “but hey, there’s a spot over by the punch table if you don’t want anyone to bother you.”

“Of course, because I love the punch table,” Jay griped, but he kinew he was only being difficult because it was just him again. His heart sank a little when Cole walked away, even if Jay knew that being Vania’s dance partner was a much more prestigious position than being with his best friend. The table wasn’t far, and Jay quickly reclaimed his post on the closest pillar, sipping actual wine this time to try and soothe his nerves.

Watching the people clear the dance floor for the future queen, Jay marvelled at how gracefully his best friend moved; for being the master of arguably the most rigid of their elements, Cole had some of the most fluid movement on the team. The only ones who could truly best him were Jay himself and Nya, but that was mostly because lightning and water granted them natural flow that couldn’t really be bested. Cole also didn’t have the build to take advantage of his flexible movement, having inherited the classic earth elemental body and not the lithe and poise that Lou possessed.

He and Vania made a good pair, Jay had decided as he watched them dance. Their styles complimented each other well, and Cole looked like he was having the time of his life. Jay knew that Cole wasn’t attracted to her and never would be, but he was glad to see the ravenette enjoying himself regardless. It would be good for Cole to finally have some friends outside of the Ninja group.

Suddenly, it felt like the world had stopped spinning. Everyone in the room turned to watch the new figure descending down the stairs, and Jay could feel his already unsteady heartbeat speed up upon seeing her.

“Nya!” Vania exclaimed, leaving Cole on the dance floor and rushing to the foot of the stairs to greet the water ninja.

Jay wanted to follow, but his jaw had dropped onto the floor with his feet frozen on the ground. His Yang looked absolutely gorgeous, dressed in what must’ve been the only blue dress in Vania’s wardrobe. It was a light and shimmering aqua, the light refracting off of the fabric and making Nya look like she was shining. Her gray heels clicked on the floor when she landed at the bottom of the steps, her hands covered with silken gloves that stretched to her elbows. Her hair was flowing down her back like a waterfall in large ringlets; it was a sight that Jay didn’t get to see very often, but he cherished it every time he did.

Looking past Vania’s shoulder, Nya locked eyes with him, and his heart stuttered from the small smile that graced her lips. Vania noticed, giving Nya a slight smirk as they parted ways, Nya walking towards her Yin and Vania taking Cole’s arm to rejoin him on the dance floor.

Fixing up his tie and putting his hair back into place, Jay suddenly felt very underdressed. He had thought his simple three-piece suit would be enough (it’s not like he had many options anyway), but if Nya was going to start showing him up like that then he might have to up his game.

Walking out to meet her felt like Jay was in a fairytale, the Prince Charming finally meeting Cinderella for the first time. Ignoring the stares of all the ladies who had been hitting on him, Jay stopped in front of Nya, whose heels propped her up to only an inch or so below his line of sight.

He took her outstretched hand and gave it a kiss with a bow. “May I have this dance, my lady?”

Nya pretended to contemplate the question. “I suppose you may, my lovely gentleman.”

“Only yours,” Jay said happily, taking her hand and spinning her around as the music started back up. They were finally going to get to dance!

Playing Dancey Pants had been a great decision, Jay decided as they twirled around the room, mostly because he knew there was no way in the Cursed Realm he would’ve been able to keep up with everyone else otherwise. He vaguely registered Kai and Lloyd coming down the stairs and joining the celebration, in a red and green suit respectively. Kai had made a beeline for Zane on the other side of the room, offering to dance with him so the nindroid wouldn’t have to keep standing off to the side. Lloyd had joined Cole and Vania, switching off with the earth ninja in an odd three-way dance that made Jay’s head spin if he stared at it for too long.

A kiss was pressed to his lips and Jay startled. Oh, right. He was dancing too.

Thankfully his Yang only giggled, quickly compensating for his misstep and keeping their rhythm. “You with me, Jay?”

“I am,” he answered smoothly. He pressed his own kiss to Nya’s lips, deeper this time, letting his hand slide down her waist. She made a small noise, letting her own hand cup the back of his neck and mess with the baby hairs on his nape. There was a suspicious sparkle in her when they parted, and Jay was very suddenly reminded of the fact that he had been drinking. Nya had probably tasted the fruitiness of the alcohol on his breath.

“Did you start drinking without me?” Nya was actually pouting, and Jay had to restrain his belly laugh to a hearty chuckle, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“My nerves were getting to me,” he admitted, “and I didn’t want that to ruin our night. I hope you don’t mind.”

“As long as you get me something, I don’t care,” Nya said with a wink, and Jay already knew that some very promiscuous things were going to go down tonight.

He was quick to snatch a wine glass off of a passing tray, holding it out to Nya with one of his signature grins like an offering. Nya took it with a smile of her own, chugging it and gracefully putting it on the table next to them. Jay hadn’t realized that she was directing them to the far side of the room where the least people were located, including the rest of their group.

Nya slid her hand down to his waist, hooking one of her thumbs in his belt loop and letting the rest of her fingers drum against his thigh. Her other hand rested on Jay’s cheek, and he shuddered when she ran her thumb across his jaw. She was a little red in the face, and Jay was suddenly a little suspicious of how much she may have had to drink.

“Did you drink before you got down here?” he asked quietly, his own hand coming to rest on her shoulder, brushing against her collarbone.

She hummed. “A little. Kai got me a shot of whiskey from the kitchen, or that’s what I hope it was. They’ve got some strong stuff in Shintaro.”

“They gotta deal with the isolation somehow,” Jay quipped, and his heart soared when Nya chuckled. “You sure you should be drinking any more, then? We still have to leave tomorrow.”

“All the more reason to let loose tonight and have a little fun,” without warning, she shot forward and caught his lips with hers, and Jay was more than happy to let himself get lost in the current that was his Yang. They swayed with the music, and he felt Nya’s body press closer to his like two puzzle pieces. Her hand buried itself in his hair, pulling when he ran his tongue across her lower lip. With one hand on her hip and the other on her back, Jay forced himself to pull away, ignoring the way his mouth tingled from his element in favor of staring at Nya in all of her half-drunken and quite eager glory.

“We need some privacy for this part,” he whispered, starting to pull her away to where their quarters were located. He ignored Lloyd and Zane’s questioning looks, Kai’s face of unbridled disgust and Cole’s enthusiastic thumbs-up in favor of pulling Nya along beside him. “I have a different kind of dance in mind.”

#ninjago #ninjago jay #ninjago nya #ninjago jaya #jayaweek2023 #finn's writing #ninjago jaya week 2023 day 5: dance

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nightcrawlerzincorporated · 1 year

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Yo sorry to bother you about this but I’m genuinely kind of annoyed right now. I know "Rob can't act" is like a joke among the fandom but it actually kind of harmed my experience of watching Sunny. Maybe it's my fault for listening to random people's opinions but when I first joined Sunnyblr a year ago a lot of bigger blogs were really fond of pushing that narrative (I think bc a lot of people just really don't like him). It's just disappointing to see how the access point into this space includes a lot of people telling you that Rob can't act and you're an idiot if you like him or his work and it completely warped my perception of Sunny as a show and Mac as a character. I learned not to trust Rob and his choices when playing Mac and now I am very pissed off that I spent all that time not taking him as seriously. I think I've managed to filter out the unnecessary Rob hatred because I haven't seen it in a while but I didn't realize how ingrained it was in my head until the Liberty Bell podcast episode when they were talking about Rob's incredible performance, and then I watched Mythic Quest and that show changed my entire life. I don't mean to make a whole big deal out of what is mostly a joke in the fandom but like...it heavily affected my very first watch of Sunny and I am. so irritated

I actually have so many thoughts about this.

So the way I see it, a combination of several things happened all in conjunction with each other: Rob always calls himself the worst actor of the three, which to me just reads as him being insecure, but him saying that makes the idea stick in people's heads and makes them look for reasons he's a bad actor. Our brains are giant pattern machines, so when the brain gets new information like "I'm the worst actor" it looks for ways to process the new information, which means your brain is going, "hey, be on the look out for this guy being a bad actor" in a way it isn't doing for the other actors. I mean maybe this is definitely projecting, but it reminds me of when I first started writing "professionally" (I freelance) and I would worry that my work wasn't good, so I would tell clients "I know it's not that good", "I know someone else could've done better", "I know this part doesn't make sense", etc and it would just make them have no confidence in me and so they would agree and complain about my writing! But then my therapist told me to stop doing that, that it's not actually more honest or more humble or whatever to self-deprecate, and once I stopped saying that stuff I got way more compliments and way fewer complaints AND way more recommendations and way more clients as a result. Things I thought were "obvious flaws" it turns out people only noticed when I pointed to it and said "this is a flaw!". So I think there's some of that happening.

Another factor is that a lot of people didn't like how Mac was written in season 13. But instead of saying, "the writing team collectively decided to write Mac in a way we don't like this season", a lot of people placed the sole blame on Rob as the actor who portrays him. And I think part of that is that a lot of people were waiting a long time for Mac to come out (I wasn't a part of the tumblr fandom back then but I was a fan of the show and I. For real thought he was just never gonna come out lol I remember Glenn specifically really wanted Mac to stay in the closet because he thought it was funnier so I was like ok. Guess this character is just in the closet forever. Hero or Hate Crime? I remember watching as it aired and genuinely being so shocked Mac didn't go back in the closet at the end, especially after Goes to Hell which I also watched live and was convinced was the ultimate proof it was never gonna happen lol) and so they had a lot of expectations of how Mac would or wouldn't change after coming out because there had been so many years of build up and will-he-wont-he about the whole thing. Hell, I wasn’t really in the fandom like I said but I’m sure just like today there were people who specifically started watching after season 12 because they heard there was an out gay character. And then season 13 aired and every single character (probably because of the changes to long term writing staff) felt kind of… off. That’s the main criticism of season 13 I hear to this day, that all the characters feel wrong in it or feel like they just exist to parrot various political movements first and be character’s second. That’s not a Mac exclusive problem. BUT because Mac had the most obvious and easy to understand change (being openly gay) a lot of people latched onto that as “what made the season bad”, and latched onto Rob for “ruining the character”. Yes, both the people who complained he was “too gay” AND the people who complained he “wasn’t gay enough” did this. Suddenly, it wasn’t about the seasons’ overall writing, it was about the fact that Rob, a straight man, was doing a bad job playing a gay man. Which made it even easier for people on tumblr to justify complaining about his acting.

And that led to people going back through the seasons and criticizing his acting in other episodes too (like I talked about above, it’s that confirmation bias. Going into something actively looking for ways it’s bad makes it way easier to be overly critical). Which led to this narrative of, “Rob is and always has been a bad actor”.

Now, some of you may be screaming at your screens, “nightcrawlerzincorporated, are you seriously gonna sit here and act like the only reason people dislike Rob is season 13 and his own self-deprecation?” No! Rob has done plenty of shit worthy of ridicule. He publically supported the racist All Lives Matter movement, is (or at least was, idk how he feels about it at this exact moment I’m not inside his head) pro-NFT, and less crucially but still a factor, he says annoying shit a lot. And I don’t think we could ever get along even in some fantasy scenario where we met. I’m not trying to convince anyone they have to like Rob and I’m not saying every criticism of him is just people looking for stuff to complain about. There’s some real shit there. Probably a lot more shit than I mentioned, even. But. None of that stuff actually has anything to do with his acting. I think after fandom opinion of him started souring, it was just emotionally cleaner for a lot of people to act like Rob had very little to do with the show they liked, actually, and his acting wasn’t even good and had nothing to do with how much they loved Mac (even though… yeah sorry if you love Mac it’s at least partially because you love Rob’s acting. You’re telling me all those great faces he pulls, his improv, his delivery, his hand gestures, and his chemistry with other actors all have NOTHING to do with liking Mac as a character?)

I completely understand your frustration with having your opinion influenced by all that mess. That’s pretty much the whole reason I don’t interact with a show’s fandom until I’ve seen the entire thing at least once through myself, because fandom opinion really can influence how you see things, even if you try not to let it. I genuinely think a lot fewer people would think of him as a bad actor if it wasn’t such a Thing in the fandom.

And yeah, I think because Ian is. Y’know a character who was clearly planned to have this whole arc and tragic backstory from the very beginning, Rob just has a lot to work with as an actor. Whereas Mac’s narrative purpose has shifted dramatically over the course of Sunny and the more tragic elements of his character were added after the fact instead of always intended, which makes the way Rob plays him feel less consistent to people, because the character is just less consistently written. When Rob’s acting is allowed to fully shine with a well thought out character like Ian, pretty much everyone agrees he’s fantastic. Plus, the Mythic Quest fandom is a lot newer and smaller and so doesn’t have almost 20 years of expectations and opinions about how these characters “should” act like Sunny does. And I think that’s why Mythic Quest fans in general tend to disagree with the Sunny fandom opinion that he’s a bad actor. Because we all know that’s not true. You’re completely valid in seeing it as a whole thing because well. It is a whole thing. Look how many thoughts I have about it just off the top of my head lol.

#ask #soe-leo #glenn-howerton-ships-macdennis #i have no idea what else to tag this with #⭐️

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amelikos · 5 months

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Some character notes and episode notes for HZ028, writing them down for future reference.

Liko and Roy seemed disappointed that Tepen didn't know anything about the ancient Pokeball so Friede reassured the kids by putting a hand on their shoulders. I like this small display of support, it also happened when Friede was trying to reassure them before going into the Galar Mine again in HZ023.

Liko apologized to Mibrim when she realized she didn't understand that Mibrim was trying to warn her that Tepen had bad intentions. Liko really apologizes a lot.

I liked that Roy properly apologized to the guy he mistook for Tepen.. he is polite!

Also liked that Friede takes proper responsability for messing up the stands and actually stays around to help until everything is back in place. He even got a job offer at the end that he politely declined w I just like seeing Friede navigate interactions with people he doesn't know, he is more polite than usual.

The battle was fun and creative! Tepen's Pokemon seem to be able to fight independently even when their trainer isn't there, which is interesting. It reminds me of Cap. It makes the Pokemon feel more alive too, they don't have to wait for their trainer to be around to do their own thing. I really like the pace at which Liko and Roy are progressing too. They are growing more resilient.

The way Mibrim's ability to detect emotions keeps being brought up with both Pokemon and humans is really good, too. Mibrim also used a move on her own volition as well. I do like how the series portrays Pokemon as beings not just meant for battling and lets them grow, really. If Mibrim eventually ends up battling, I hope it's because it's something she wants, and not because she is pushed into it. Liko's Pokemon have their own personalities and wants, and I like the different ways they're being displayed.

Diana having no chill and willing to fight her old friend is funny ww I like how different everyone is in Liko's family. Diana is bold and assertive, while Liko is more on the calm side. The way we get snippets about Diana's past here and there is really interesting too, I wonder if we'll meet other people she used to know. Liko seeing new sides of her grandmother and gaining a newfound appreciation for her after seeing her knock some sense into Tepen was cute, too.

Chill but fun episode, overall! While it may seem innocuous at first, I noticed that there is now a pattern of episodes with characters (that someone from the cast used to know) who change their ways and turn around. This episode is not an isolated case.

The episode with Murdock's old friend being the first one. Murdock and Mitchell parted on bad terms and on a misunderstanding, but got to apologize to each other and understand one another. It showed that adults can have things weighing on their minds and that they can cry too. Tepen wasn't like this before but grew shady over time (and also cried in this episode). He had a longing for adventure that was reignited and promised to change and Diana made him realize that his Pokemon were there for him and that he shouldn't involve them in his evil deeds.

It honestly feels to me like this pattern is setting up for something similar happening with the Explorers members and leading to an understanding of them, especially since we know Hamber is Diana's old friend. We still don't exactly know their goal, but they all care for their Pokemon (and similarly to Tepen, making them assist them in their deeds) and probably have reasons as to why they joined the organization in the first place. I'm hoping they get to reconsider what they're doing and have an opportunity to grow from it.

#hz028 #character notes #episode notes #liko #diana #tepen

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sabakos · 1 year

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So the mountain dew thing I posted the other day is um. Hm. I'm going to turn reblogs off on that actually. It's very good I posted it and got to see people's reactions and I think I made some people laugh with how I presented it, don't feel bad if you reblogged it. but uh. yeah. Not only is it unfortunately true, if anything I downplayed it a bit and left out the parts that weren't funny. Which I now realize I don't really want to think about every time I check my notes tab for the next few weeks. I never kept count but I'm pretty sure I spent more than just a few nights in high school curled up in pain in front of the toilet. I lost over 50 pounds in a year from that.

Kind of maybe also some not-so-unintentional self-harm was going on there I think. It fits in a pattern with some other past habits of mine that I don't post much about because, well, I don't want to turn this into a trauma blog. If you really wanna know, I was a high-functioning alcoholic until age 26. Like, rarely sober outside working hours, most of my calories from alcohol level. End-stage. Due to other personal issues ("wait sabi, weren't you in a serious LTR then?" yes and also my mom was in a psych ward, we don't have time to unpack any of that), I quit drinking cold turkey in 2019 and realized looking through old pictures on my phone that I barely remembered most of what happened in college, let alone anything before that. I don't even know if it's technically amnesia, so much as dissociating so severely from my past. I had a "bit" of a major mental collapse in fall 2019 after quitting drinking as my mind slowly remembered how to have emotions, real clutch scheduling that right before a global pandemic.

Thankfully due to doing nothing for two and a half years, I remember most of college now, and I've been able to recover almost 3 full years of high school from basically fragments in the past year alone. My liver doesn't hurt anymore. I'm also physically repulsed by alcohol as a result of the withdrawal. But it's starting to get back far enough to start reminding me of the previous mental breakdown that I had in middle school that made me almost get held back in 8th grade. I... might decide I don't need to know about anything before that for a little while. Not sure I actually have the ability to make that decision though. It will work itself out nonetheless, it will just be less pleasant.

I've actually almost never actually been suicidal or intentionally thought "oh I'm doing this to hurt myself." But I'm not just shitposting about the whole body dysphoria thing, beyond any gender stuff I just also would prefer not to deal with being a body. I hate every photograph of me as soon as I take it, I can only bear to look at any of them once enough time has gone by that I can trick my brain into thinking it's not me. I believe I drank alcohol for the same reason I drank horrifying concoctions in high school and still sometime make too spicy food or eat so many sour patch kids and takis my mouth bleeds. I only hated the stomach cramps in high school because I didn't know why I had them, but when I finally vomited so hard I puked blood and burst blood vessels in my face, it felt good. I enjoy pain, I like the feeling that my body has been hurt when I'm the one directly causing it. I'm punishing it for existing. I know a couple mutuals of mine probably know exactly what I'm talking about based on their own posts. I also know now that I'm doing this, and that I need to stop doing it. I'm not too worried now that I've figured this out.

But also I think for the first time I can remember, I actively want to continue to exist. I know on some level that I need to accept that that will include my body and not just living out my social life on the internet. I... like other people, not just in a flirty way, and I know I'm saying this on Tumblr of all places but I promise if I ever meet any of you I'm one of the weirdest fucking interesting people you'll ever meet because it's what people are telling me all the time. I'm really shy and don't know how to initiate an interaction with a stranger, but if you can get me to say anything at all, I talk endlessly in my (apparently, strange) voice, I hold my body wrong in distracting ways, I abruptly change topics when I'm not supposed to. None of this occurs to me at the time I'm doing it, and I do know how to act correctly in any situation, I'm just wholly incapable of doing so. But somehow this reads as charming and eccentric rather than horribly rude to most people I meet? People tell me I'm the strangest person they've ever met as a complement. I don't really know why.

All the memories I've recovered have contradicted my past beliefs that I've always struggled to make friends. I think I just... didn't notice? But dozens of my peers consistently made the decision to go out of their way to spend time with me almost the whole time I knew them. I don't think that was out of sympathy, I sure wasn't the Special Ed kid. So I think I actually had close friends almost my whole life from age 10 onward, many of them even? all despite the fact that I wasn't really capable of consciously reciprocating a lot of the time, and that I totally forgot in the years since that some of them even existed until later. So I want to do that again somehow, have a bunch of people I know in real life that I'm close friends with. And actually realize it this time. And I hope I'm not deluding myself with what I remember, though I've been able to independently corroborate enough that I don't think so.

Anyway if anyone was curious, that's... most of my whole brain problems deal from the parts of my life I remember. Or as much as I can condense into a post anyway. Much of it was in fact rather happy and I usually present things in a much more positive light. This post was just not about that.

#personal #really long #dddne #no more on the tags sorry

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