#and I am this close to getting to the meeting in person part
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CHERISHED KISSES - PEDRI
Part l
summary: When you traveled to Qatar with your dad, you meet someone unexpected. However it isn't easy to keep in touch with that person, as many struggles occur.
warnings: smoking
"Ladies and Gentlesmen this is your captain speaking, we have officially and successfully landed in Qatar, it's 11:15 pm and the weather is good with about 24 Celsius right now. Thank you for flying with us and enjoy the rest of your journey." The loud buzzing sound in the airplane finally stopped as the speakers went silent, there was rustling heard from the back of the plane.
"Thiago, can you get your backpack?" Antonella asked as she pointed at her son sitting next to you.
"Ciro has to get his own though, I'm not getting his." Your oldest brother stood up, his nike backpack in his hand as he was ready to leave the plane. Anto nodded her head and gave you Ciro's backpack so she wouldn't have to carry it. As you grabbed your own and stood up, you made your way out of the plane. As you walked past the captain and the stewardess, you gave them a faint smile.
Normally you would've gone with the private jet your dad owned, but your mother decided to be eco-friendly all of the sudden.
So as soon as you stepped out of the plane, you were immediately met with very fresh and cold air. It was warm but it definitely wasn't as warm and cozy as under the covers you received in first class.
As you, your brothers and your mom entered the ground after walking down the metal stairs, a bald man aproached you with a huge smile on his face. He looked a bit older but was built very muscular. "Welcome in Qatar Miss Roccuzzo, Miss Messi and the small ones. I am Alfro and it's an honor to be your driver tonight." He shook everyone's hands and then stepped aside so you would be able to see the black van.
"The honor is mine," Anto smiled at him and he immediately nodded his head while he inhaled sharply. He then suggested to load all the backpacks all of you had into the truck of the car. The other luggage will be brought to your hotel in a few hours by someone your dad hired, so you wouldn't have to wait.
While Alfro grabbed all of your backpacks and Anto, Ciro, Mateo and Thiago already made their way over to the car, you stood in one spot, admiring the night sky. Many stars were visible since there wasn't as many lights surrounding you. Your gaze however moved from the sky to the van, only to see your mom looking at you.
"Do you want to sleep outside hija?" Your mom asked, she was tired, that's why she was in such a bad mood. It was kind of her fault because she chose to be eco-friendly. In the private jet she would've gotten some sleep.
Yet you only shrugged your shoulders and also walked over to the van, the only empty seat was next to Thiago so you had no other choice but to sit next to him, he of course was also tired. Mateo and Ciro however were the complete opposite, they were full of energy, that's why they were talking to eachother while you and Thiago just fought to keep your eyes open.
Anto was sitting in the front, next to Alfro. he was talking to her as he drove through Doha. But something caught your attention.
"This hotel you see on the right is closed as of now, because the Spanish national team is staying there. They arrived yesterday, I heard that Luis Enrique wanted to make sure that nobody was jet lagged when they start training." Alfro pointed to the gigantic building on the right, a huge fountain decorating the drive way to the hotel. In the middle of the fountain was an angel carved out of stone. The light from the street lamp perfectly hit the statue so perfectly that every single detail was visible. It looked like a woman, however you weren't able to see her face but her head was slightly tilted downwards. Hands covered her face and her legs were also hidden by the dress she had, as she was standing on the two and a half meter tall pole. Gigantic wings came out of her back, they however weren't spread, instead they kind of hung down.
The whole hotel gave off a pretty rich vibe, however you didn't have long to look at it because Alfro kept driving. You looked at Thiago whose gaze was still looking outside the window, until eventually he turned his head to look at you.
"Do you think Pedri is here too?" He whispered, afraid that Anto might hear him. He didn't mind his brothers hearing him, they were too busy with talking about some kid series they watched on the plane.
"I'm sure he is, why do you ask?" You asked him. It was a bit weird that he asked this, he knew who was in the Spanish national team, and he damn well knew that Pedri was a part of that team. From time to time he showed you a picture of Pedri, sometimes when you watched the Barca games, he even specifically told you to look at the screen whenever he saw that the camera zoomed in on the midfielder.
You had a suspicion that Thiago missed Pedri a bit, even tho they didn't talk much while Messi was still at Barcelona, the few times they talked you always saw Thiago giggling and looking very happy. Each time Pedri brought him to you and reassured that he was fine, he'd look at you with those eyes. Yet no words were exchanged, only looks but nothing more.
You kinda found it weird how much Pedri had changed in a year. You hadn't seen him in person ever since the farewell speech of your father, but he looked very different in tv. However Thiago then snapped you out of your thoughts again.
"I just forgot, I guess." He shrugged his shoulders for the second time and then looked out the window again. While shaking your head you looked out your window, the stars still slightly visible but not as much as they were at the airport.
Faint music was playing the background, you heard that it was Sin Señal by Quevedo, it was Thiago's favorite song. Looking from the sky back to your mom in the front of the car, you couldn't help but notice how many people were still outside on the streets.
Maybe it was the crazy nightlife in Doha everyone was talking about or maybe there was just a party the night you arrived, however you made yourself a mental note that you'll check it out while you're staying here.
"Here we are!" Alfro smile as he pulled into the round driveway of the huge two-building hotel. There were two very high buildings and an Argentine flag hung between the two. You faintly smiled as you looked at it, there was a light pointed directly at the flag so that it would be visible at night.
"They're pretty proud to be welcoming your team, as you can see." Alfro laughed as Anto's mouth fell open at the sight.
She laughed and nodded her head. "As they should." It was good to see your mother smiling again, you always hated when she was in a bad mood.
So as the security from the hotel checked all of your passports and granted Alfro access to the parking lots, he parked the car and Anto and you got out immediately.
Alfro went to the truck to give you your backpacks.
"And here you go little guy." Alfro handed Ciro the last backpack and then closed the trunk of the car.
"Hey can I ask you something?" You remained outside while your brothers and mom already started walking to the entrance of the hotel after they said goodbye and thank you.
"Of course, what is it?" He smiled while putting both of his hands on his hips.
"Our hotel is pretty far outside the city, how come the one Spain is staying in, is so close to the city centre?" You asked, he then chuckled a little bit.
"As far as I know, they just like to flex a little bit, they sleep and eat there but they need to be transported out here to train. As you might know this hotel built 5 football fields. Especially for this world cup but in the future a youth team will train here." He explained everything while talking with his hands. You couldn't help but still wonder.
"What do you mean they have to get transported here?" Your eyebrows knitted together.
"If you grab a bike and cycle down this road for about 5 minutes, you'll reach another football training ground where the spanish team is training." He pointed down the street, a few street lamps placed along the road that seemed to be going into a forest.
"Okay, thank you so much. And thanks for the drive too!" You smiled while you began walking away backwards. He waved at you but then you suddenly remembered something.
"Oh wait." You began walking towards him again while you grabbed your wallet from your left pocket. "Here, take this." You smiled as you handed him 79 Riyal (which is about 20 euros).
"Oh thank you so much but it's not necessary." He tried to give you back the money with a faint smile because your dad haid paid everything in advance, however you shrugged your shoulders as you began walking backwards once again.
"Have a good night" You waved quickly before turning around and walking into the hotel. The lobby was almost empty, a few people were talking with eachother. Most of them looked like they worked there.
"Hey, um my mom checked in just a couple of minutes earlier, could you please tell me which room she's staying in?" Walking up to the desk which a blonde woman was sitting at. She looked like she hasn't slept in 2 days, that also exaplained the open red bull can standing at the desk.
"Hey, if Antonella Roccuzzo is your mom, she should be in building B, floor 13, which is the top floor, and... in suite 2. You're allowed to enter building B, but building A is off limits until the Selección arrives. As of now we don't serve breakfast since the Selección will be using our kitchen. The elevator to building B is that way." She told you so many things in such a fast pace. However at the end she pointed to her left, so you gave her a quick nod with a smile and then began to walk towards the navy blue metal elevator.
Messi had told you that only family of the footballers and some other staff from the Selección will be staying in building B. The more important people will be in building A.
Your face crunched up as the elevator doors opened and a horrible odor of vinegar hit you.
Pulling up your shirt to cover your mouth and nose, you entered the elevator and pressed the button to floor 13. The inside of the elevator gave off the same vibe as the lobby did. Very modern and expensive looking, a grey carpet covered the floor while the walls were white.
As the doors slid to the side, you were met with a room, two doors on either side. While stepping out of the elevator you finally dropped the shirt back down and looked at the door to your right.
A black number 2 written on the door, so immediately you rang the doorbell twice. A few seconds passed before you heard some running and the door opened, you came face to face with Mateo.
"Thanks" You flashed him a smile and then went inside, he looked at you while closing the door.
"Where were you?" He asked as you walked through the hallway, entering a bigger and taller room. One of the walls was replaced with a huge glass, giving whoever is inside a beautiful room over the ocean since the hotel was right next to the beach.
There was a huge tv, a couch, a kitchen and three doors, each leading to different rooms. Anto, Thiago and Ciro were sat on the couch, your mom on the phone while Thiago was playing something on his Ipad and Ciro watching him.
"I was- uh talking to Alfro." You hardly managed to look away from the beautiful view outside the window. But as you looked down at Mateo he crossed his arms.
"What were you talking about?" He asked while he looked at you put down your backpack next to the couch.
"Why do you care?" You raised your voice a bit at him, he was being annoying with all the questions and following you around.
"Y/n watch how you talk to your brother." Your mom suddenly raised her head and looked at you for a split second bdfore looking back at her phone.
"What did I do?" you raised your voice a bit as you held up your hands. You were met with Mateo who stuck out his tongue to you. "You're so annoying." While you rolled your eyes, you grabbed your backpack and went into oke of the rooms. There were three beds so you assumed that room wasn't yours. Walking into the next one you immediately put down your backpack on the bed and walked to the door again. "This room is mine, goodnight!" You stuck your head out the door so everyone could hear you, and then you closed the door and locked it too. As you turned around you saw that there was a huge bed, it was facing the glass wall which gave you a beautiful view whenever you sat on the bed. On the left from the bed there was a sliding door which you assumed led to a bathroom. Making your way over there, you found out that you were right, a shower, sink and toilet were in the bathroom. There were also blinds rolled down which you assumed had the same huge window.
However you didn't have the energy to check it out now. So you walked back to your backpack, took out your toothbrush and toothpast and went to brush your teeth after you changed into the oversized shirt you brought to sleep in.
As soon as you were done and walked back into the dark bedroom, you pulled out your phone you saw that your dad had texted you, so without thinking much of it, you pressed the face time button.
"Hola hija." Your phone lit up with his face and you squinted your eyes a bit at the brightness.
"Hey, we arrived at the hotel now, look how cool my room is." You lifted up your phone to show your room and the view. Messi laughed as he looked at the phone.
"I know, I booked it, did you luggage arrive already?" He smiled a bit.
"No, not yet, mom said she'll stay awake until it arrives, but who knows when that dude arrives." You said and went back to the bed to sit down.
"Okay, whatever your mother wants, listen, you go to sleep now or else you'll be extremely jetlagged, tomorrow your mother has planned something. I have no idea what but she told me about something. I'll talk to you tomorrow okay?" Messi explained and you nodded your head as you yawned.
"Bye, goodnight" You waved at the camera and he blew you a kiss. Then as you hung up, you turned off your phone and out it to charge on the bedside table.
Just a few minutes after that you already drifted off to sleep.
The next morning you woke up at 5 am, so you decided to get up and walk to the beach. But first you took a shower and then picked out a simple black shirt with black shorts. By the time you walked down to the lobby ut was already half past 6.
While you made your way outside you walked past an employee of the hotel, he walked closer to you ans opened his mouth.
"Hey do by any chance know Lionel Messi?" He asked as he anxiously fidgeted around with his hands.
"Not that well, but I do know him." You said with a sarcastic smile and then man just nodded, you could tell he was nervous, however you weren't sure if he really did know who you were.
It did happen sometimes that people asked you for a picture but that was rather rare. However people often said hi to you or looked at you.
"Do you know where the next store is?" You asked him, completely ignoring that he maybe wanted to take a picture or anything else.
"Uhm, yeah if you walk down the road, you should find one in about 5 minutes k
of walking." He said and pointed behind himself while looking at you.
"Okay thank you so much." You walked out the door and began walking down the street just as the guy said.
It was awfully quiet, only the sound of the birds singing and the wind blowing lingering around in the air.
Arriving at the small store, you went inside and immediately went up to the cashier. "Hey, could you give me a Marlboro red and a lighter?" You asked the man who was about 40 years old. He looked like he was from Qatar, very Arabic face.
"Can I see your ID please?" He gave you a dirty look and you nodded while grabbing into your phone case and pulling out your ID.
"Here" You gave it to him and he held it between his fingers while looking at it with furrowed brows. Suddenly his gaze softened and the frown on his lips immediately turned into a smile.
"Messi? Is that your real name?" He raised his brows and gave you back your ID while putting the Malboro red and the lighter on the counter between you both.
"Yeah" You said with a smile and he squinted his eyes a bit while looking at you.
"You're lying." He smiled but you shook your head, the store was completely empty that's why he didn't hurry with making you pay.
"I'm not, google me." You told him and he gave you a suspicious look before pulling out his phone from his pocket and looking at you. "Y/n Messi" You said and he nodded his head while shifting his gaze back to his phone.
He chuckled and his face brightened up even more as he looked up from his phone and to you again.
"Can I take a picture with you?" He asked in a heavy accent and you nodded your head. He walked around the counter and stood next to you, he put his hand on your shoulder and you smiled as he took a couple of photos.
"Can I pay with card?" You looked at him while he walked back behind the counter. As you looked at the screen, you saw that he took off 50%. You smiled as you paid and then said goodbye to him.
Walking outside again, you immediately began walking down to the beach. After a while you were already walking on sand and saw the waves. That's when you grabbed into your pocket and pulled out a cigarette and the lighter. Sticking the cigarette into your mouth, you covered the front with your left hand while you lit it with your right.
So while you walked along the beach while smoking, you didn't notice that three other people were watching you.
"Shut up" Ferran stopped walking immediately and so followed Gavi and Pedri who were walking by his side. "Isn't that Y/n?" Ferran asked as he put his hand up to cover his smile.
"I don't know, but it looks like her." Gavi added as he furrowed his eyebrows while staring at you. They were walking along the path that was made out of stone higher up on the beach, and you were turned the other way, facing the ocean.
"Hermano that's her!" Ferran mumbled, Pedri just stared at you without saying anything. He was deep in his thoughts, he hadn't seen you since Messi left Barça which was about three years ago.
"Pedri you knew her." Pedri snapped back as soon as Ferran said that. He turned his head to look at the striker and shook his head.
"I've never liked her, we didn't get along while she was in Barcelona. I loved her brother but her? Nah," Pedri explained and Ferran raised his brows but Gavi reacted faster.
"Why didn't you get along? You and Messi were also fine?" He asked and Pedri exhaled deeply.
"She seemed too arrogant in my opinion, I never really talked to her though, so that's why I may be wrong but some way I heard her talk to others." Pedri shook his head as he looked away from you again. "and she's smoking too."
Ferran furrowed his brows as he looked at the smoke coming from you. "That's her thing. Anyways, let's go" Ferran mumbled and Gavi nodded his head as the two started walking. Pedri caught himself looking at the back of your head a bit too long. But then he snapped out of it and eventually caught up with his teammates.
After you were done with taking the little walk, you went back to the hotel room where you were met with Anto sitting on the couch, a plate of eggs infront of her.
"Where were you?" Anto asked as she turned around while shutting off her phone.
"I was just taking a walk mom." You answered in a bit of annoyed tone. You walked into the kitchen and then also scooped some eggs onto your plate.
"I was worried about you" She stood up and brought her plate over to the sink where she washed it off with water.
"Mom, I'm 19." You gave her an annoyed look but she still put her hands onto her sides as she watched you eat.
"Yeah but what if you get kidnapped by someone? Many people here know you." Her voice wasn't strict but rather worried.
You shook it off and then went into your room. A few hours later after your brothers woke up and got ready for the day, Anto told you to come outside.
"Come on, let's go to the car." Anto commanded and all of you went into the elevator. That same disgusting odor of vinegar was lingering in the elevator. You pulled up your shirt until you arrived in the lobby. Then you all sat into the car and you mom started driving.
"Where are we going now?" Thiago asked, he was sitting in the backseat with the rest of your siblings, while you were in the front next to your mom.
"We're going to visit Elena and Romarey." Anto said while she looked in the review mirror for a second. You however were way too distracted by Doha, it was pretty hot outside, you noticed by the window that was rolled down a few centimeters. The sun was shining and there were a couple of people walking around on the sidewalks. There were also huge buildings, all very clean and with big windows, you assumed they were offices or something else, maybe even very rich apartment buildings.
"Does that mean we are gonna see Jordi and Busi too?" Mateo asked excitedly, while you still lived in Barcelona, Busquets and Jordi Alba were at your house very often, considering that your dad was very close with both of them.
"I'm sure we will." So you all sat in silence, atleast you did, your siblings asked some stupid questions which your mom had to answer. As you pulled into the driveway of the hotel your eyes fixated on the fountain withe the weird statue once again. You were sure that that woman had a story and that's why she looked that way, you however would need to ask someone.
As your mother spoke to the security and they checked if she really was on the list, they let you in. She parked the car on a parking lot and then all of you made your way over to the main entrance.
As you walked into the lobby, you pulled out your phone to check a few messages, that's why you just followed behind your family.
That was until your brothers started running and Thiago just walked really fast. So immediately you put away your phone and saw a few people sitting on a couch.
"Jordi, Busi!" Your brothers said loudly as they went to hug them. They both were sitting next to eachother. However, Balde, Ferran and Pedri were also there. You at first avoided eye contact with Pedri, but eventually everyone stood up to say hello to your mom and to you in the traditional way by kissing your cheeks.
First Jordi who you also hugged right after, "You grew so much." He smiled and you just smiled at him while you furrowed your brows. Then Busi. "He's right, the last time I saw you, you were little, about here." Busquets pointed to the middle of his stomach.
"Well that's how biology works," You joked and then shrugged your shoulders. Them Ferran came over to you.
"Hey, nice to meet you, I'm Ferran." He said after he took a step back from you.
"I'm Y/n the pleasure is mine." You gave him the same smile.
"I'm Balde, also very nice to meet you." He also said as he again took a step back.
"Y/n, nice to meet you too." You also gave him a faint smile. That's until Pedri stood infront of you, your smile immediately faded and the same went for Pedri.
It was awkward to watch you two stand infront of eachother. Pedri had his lips in a thine line while he bit the insides of his cheek.
Meanwhile you just looked at him, waiting for him to say something. That however passed as soon as he gave you a small nod and then turned around to sit down again. Atleast that's what you thought, because he turned around, went over to Balde and the two of them then went to the elevator.
You scoffed as you saw them walk away, Ferran noticed that and came over to you. "Hey, we haven't talked yet, haven't we?" He asked with a bit of a forced smile. The rest of your family was distracted speaking to Jordi and Busquets.
"No, we literally just met." You joked and he nodded his head while he ran his fingers along his forehead and broke the eye contact for a second.
"Yeah, so um, you're Messi's daughter?" Ferran mentally hit himself as why he was asking these stupid questions. You looked at him for a second with a confused look.
"Yeah." You parted your lips into a thin line and nodded your head. However while you and Ferran shared an awkward moment together, Pedri and Balde were just walking to the community room.
"What's up with you now?" Balde asked as he tried to keep up with Pedri's fast pace, he was almost running down the hallway.
Pedri shook his head, "See that's why I hate her, she's so arrogant. I cant stand it, just cause Leo had money while she grew up." He said in an annoyed tone and then both of them arrived in the room. They saw Gavi and Laporte sitting at a table, chatting to eachother.
Pedri stormed over to a couch and sat down while taking out his phone, that's why he earned two weird stares from Gavi and Laporte.
"What's wrong with him?" Laporte asked Balde who went and sat down on a chair next to Gavi.
"He saw Messi's daughter and then he got all mad and-" Balde looked at Pedri for a second. "i dont even know, she looks nice to me."
"Yeah that's until you hear how she talks to other people!" Pedri said loudly to which Balde just shook his head.
"It's been three years kid, get over it and try to be nice to her. I've talked to her and her mother before, nothing wrong with her, maybe you just want to believe that she's mean and cruel." Laporte turned around in his seat and looked at Pedri who didn't lift his gaze from the phone.
"Mhm" Pedri hummed and completely ignored the strikers opinion.
"Come on Pedri you're being stupid right now. You're acting like a kid." Gavi stood up and walked over to his teammate.
"Oh so now I'm being stupid for having an opinion? Yeah you all bestfriends with her now?" Pedri looked up at Gavi and said aggressively.
"No but you don't even have a reason to hate her, just get yourself under control and talk to her like a proper human being goddammit. Do you even hear the stuff you're saying right now? I thought you were mature enough to play in the world cup but it seems like I gotta talk with Lucho about you. You're 19 and acting like a 5 year old." Gavi raised his voice aswell as he told that to his friend who was still sitting infront of him. Pedri was now looking at him with big eyes and he was deep in his thoughts.
Meanwhile Balde and Laporte were shocked, they've never heard Gavi talk like that before and they didn't expect it to be Pedri he talks to like this.
"Now good job ruining everyone's mood because of your childish attention needs." Gavi told him and then walked out the door. Pedri looked after him and then looked down on the floor.
"He was right." Laporte added and Pedri nodded his head while he stood up and also went over to the door. Without saying a word he left and returned back to his small room.
While all that happened, you and Ferran weren't as awkward around eachother anymore. After Ferran found out that you used to play with Sira when she was about 12 years old and you 11, you immediately had something to talk about.
"So is she also coming here to watch the games?" You asked as he was now sitting next to you outside on the stairs, you were facing the giant gates that didn't allow anyone to acces the hotel without being checked.
"She's coming here for Spains first game, she just has to finish her riding competition and then yeah." He clapped his hands together and smiled a bit while looking at his shoes.
"Oh right, I forgot that she's an equestrian." You mumbled while grabbing into your pocket and pulling out your phone to look at the time.
"Yeah, you should see her sometime, she's amazing."
"I will one day, but I should also probably look for my mom, I've been here for half an hour. Do you know where they could be?" You asked and turned around to look inside the hotel through the glass doors which are the main entrance.
"I have no idea, sorry. I don't know where those older people hang out." He chuckled as he looked at you call your mothers number. However she didn't pick up so you sighed and stuffed the phone into your pocket once again.
"She never picks up the phone, it's so annoying." You rolled your eyes.
"My mother is the same way, it gets annoying sometimes." Ferran chuckled.
"Yeah well, that means I gotta look for her now."
"I'll come with you, I think I know where Jordi and Busi are, so that's where she must be too." Ferran stood up and so did you. You two went over to the elevator and he pressed the button with a big 4 on it.
"Four? What's there?"
"A giant open area, it's like a huge balcony with a bar and tables and all that." He explained and you nodded your head. "two to three is staff, five are doctors and therapists and seven to eight are players."
"What about six?" Your gaze shifted from the buttons to his eyes again.
"That's like hanging out or having meetings, it's basically 4 giant rooms." He shrugged his shoulders and you nodded your head.
"Okay."
The two of you then were successful while searching for your mother because you found her exactly where Ferran thought she was gonna be.
Your brothers were playing on your moms phone, but only about 20 minutes later after chatting with Elena and Romarey, you decided to go out for lunch. However it was only you, your mom and your brothers.
So while sitting in the car, you crossed your arms while looking at Mateo next to your mom in the passangers seat.
He had convinced your mother to let him sit there so you had no other chance but sit next to Ciro and Thiago in the back.
"Did you see vicky?" Ciro asked as he looked at you.
"No I didn't." You answered in a harsh tone, obviously still pissed off.
"She's not even here yet." Thiago told his brother who looked at you again. You stayed silent for a second while thinking about all the people arriving in a few days.
"Oh my god, Oriana is coming soon!" You screeches in excitement. Sadly you and Dybala's girlfriend rarely got to meet up even tho you two got along great.
"So is Vicky coming too?" Ciro asked once again and you turned to look at him. Vicky was Paredes's daughter.
"I don't know Ciro, quit asking me stupid questions." You told him off to which you saw your mom give you an angry look through the review mirror. You shurgged your shoulders as an answer.
So two days went by like that, you spending time with your family and meeting old friends. Until eventually you were sitting on your bed, looking at some instagram reels when you saw an Incoming phonecall from Oriana.
Immediately you accepted and her face popped up on the screen.
"Hey babe, look where I am." She smiled and turned the camera, she was sitting in the car but you could see through the window. She was infront of your hotel.
"Oh my god, I'm coming down." A smile filled your face immediately and you hung up while you stood up and began to sprint to the elevator. Mateo just looked at you confused but then turned around and went back to playing with his Ipad. As you arrived, you just saw Oriana walking inside, without thinking for a second, you walked over to her and wrapped your arms tightly around her body.
"Oh my god" She simply mumbled as she kissed your cheek and pressed you closer to herself.
"I missed you so much." You smiled and then slowly pulled away from her, she brought up her hands and cupped your cheeks as she looked at you.
"You're so grown up." She smiled, her teeth visible, you just couldn't resist but smile too.
"Oh come on, just cause you're older than me."
"I'm not older than you, I was born first." Ori gave you a small smile as she let her hands fall down once again. She hated being called old.
You then went to her room, she obviously had to leave her stuff there, so while you sat on the couch which was facing the small tv, she showed you all kinds of clothes she brought and where she planned to wear them. Meanwhile you and Oriana were having loads of fun, the others in the spanish team were still holding a grudge, but they didn't have much time for that especially when their coach just texted Ferran to inform everyone around him that there will be a team meeting.
"I'll tell him." Ferran told Balde as he stood up from the bed and walked over to the door, before he left he turned around. "I'll be right back"
That's when he made his way over to Pedri's room which wasn't too far away from Baldes. As he knocked on the door, he heard a "come in" from inside the room and then he immediately pushed down the doorhandle.
"Hey, Lucho said we'll have to be downstairs in 30 minutes." Ferran said as he looked at Pedri sitting on the bed.
"For what?" The midfielder asked without looking up from his phone.
"Team meeting" Ferran mumbled and then just as he wanted to close Pedri's door again, the midfielders voice stopped him.
"Ferran-" Pedri began and the striker opened the door wider so he could look at him, still not stepping away from the doorframe. "Can I talk with Gavi, Balde and you after?"
"Yeah, I'll tell them" Ferran nodded and then closed the door. As he walked over to Gavi's room, he noticed a weird smell of feminine perfume lingering around in the hallway, but he ignored it and just thought that it was from a worker of the hotel.
As he knocked on the door, he heard ruffling and shifting on the other side. Then after a few seconds Gavi opened the door, he wore that pissed off expression on his face, just like always. In Ferrans opinion it was funny how gavi always looked mad.
"What?" He asked, he was obviously still pissed off about Pedri, he had every right to be of course.
"Um, Pedri wanted to talk me, you and Balde after the teammeeting." Ferran began walking into Gavi's room and he sat down on the bed eventually.
"You can tell him to go fuck himself, talking out things now? That idiot." Gavi crossed his arms infront of his chest and leaned a bit forward as he talked.
"Gavi, you'll have to listen to what he has to say, besides the fact I'm sure Y/n doesn't care if Pedri hates he-" Gavi cut off Ferran mid sentence.
"It's not about Messi's daughter, I couldn't give a shit less about her, its about the awfully childish behavior he has. That's annoying me the most. 'well yeah three years ago she was mean to someone now ill hate her for the rest of my life' you can't tell me that that is not childish. How are we gonna win the World Cup if we'replaying with him?" Gavi said Pedri's part in a high pitched voice.
"Well yeah but I think he thought about this a lot and now he's got himself together." Ferran still defended Pedri. It wasn't like Gavi was wrong, but he understood the way Pedri thought about you. Because that was the last impression he got of you and that's what stayed with him for all these years. He could've made a few new impressions of you instead of holding onto the old ones, Ferran interpretended you as a nice woman who you could definitely have a laugh with.
However now it was very stressful for everyone and many people lost their patience earlier with some of their teammates already.
With the world cup happening in 11 days, nobody needed any drama or fights. That's why Ferran was glad that Pedri wanted to talk things out. So after the team meeting with Luis Enrique, Pedri was confronted by one of his worst fears in that moment. He saw Gavi standind next to the spanish coach, Gavi looked rather serious, his coach was seen smiling.
But as Gavi turned his head and saw the Canarian staring at him, he said goodbye to his coach and walked over to him.
"Hey" He stopped right infront of him, it took his a couple of seconds to snap out of it before responding to Gavi.
"Let's go to my room, Ferran and Balde are already there." Gavi agreed with a small nod and then followed Pedri to his room.
As the door swung open, Gavi saw Ferran and Balde sitting on the couch, so he went to join them while Pedri sat down on the bed infront of them.
"So I have thought over everything and I wanna apologise for my stupid behaviour, it was unsuitable and not necessary, I'll change it." Pedri immediately addressed the elephant in the room. A few seconds of silence sat between the footballers in the room.
"I didn't really care anyways. As long as you don't start beef with me, we good." Balde put up both of his hands in the air and Pedri chuckled a bit. Ferran was smiling too but as Pedri looked at Gavi, he saw the same expression he wore when he was pissed off.
After mostly the three of them talked, it was time to leave and then go to sleep. Ferran and Balde went out the room first, just as Gavi wanted to follow, Pedri stopped him.
Gavi turned his body to face Pedri, the Canarian held up his hand to dab up Pedri "Are we good?" he asked as Gavi put his hand into his.
"Mhm, we are." Gavi licked his lips and then turned his head away but Pedri kept holding onto his hand.
"Are we?" The Canarian asked to which Gavi turned around again. This time he couldn't contain the smile that dared to slip every second.
"We are." Gavi said in a more convincing voice. To that Pedri's face also lit up with a smile and he pulled Gavi into a hug.
"I'm glad." Pedri patted his back a few times before pulling away.
"Yeah now let go of me." Gavi smiled a bit while he pushed him back and then left the room. Pedri then closed and locked the door immediately and went to sit down on his bed. As he opened Instagram, a few posts popped up of people he knew who also traveled to Qatar.
While scrolling down his feed, he saw one specific picture posted by Oriana. Pedri had gotten closer to Dybala over chat and they got along great, he was looking forward to meeting him in real life, so of course he knew who his girlfriend was.
What he didn't know was that she was on good terms with you, as he swiped through the 10 pictures Oriana posted, he saw that you appeared on 9 of them. Always hugging eachother or just being right next to eachother.
Pedri shook his head and then turned off his phone and decided to finally go to sleep.
While Pedri went to sleep, you were wide awake, lying on your back below your covers. The door to your own small balcony was wide open, cars speeding in the distance and the waves crashing against eachother were heard outside. The fresh air that blew inside made you shiver as you were only wearing panties and a bra, so you decided to stand up and pulled a simple red shirt over your head while making your way over to your closet where you his the cigarettes below some shirts your brought.
You pulled one out, lit it and then walked outside, while you admired the ocean once again, you finished smoking the cigarette and sat down on the floor. Luckily the railing was made out of glass so you could see through. It was also surprisingly hot, you didn't feel cold at all, even tho you just had a shirt on. And without even realizing it, you began to drift off to sleep, so you stood up quickly and moved to your bed. While you laid on your back, you waited for your eyelids to get heavier and heavier until they eventually shut down and you fell asleep. In that moment you wouldn't have thought that the next week would be the most life changing week of your life.
#barca#fc barcelona#football#futbol#fanfic#espana#mustread#pablo gavi#pedri x reader#pedri smut#pedri imagine#pedri gonzalez#pedri#cherished kisses#gavisfanta
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rebirth — a pride month oneshot
pairing: genderfluid!javi gutierrez/f!ofc/reader (written in 3rd pov)
rating: T
word count: 2k
content: javi uses hey/they pronouns, coming out, discussions of gender identity, mentions of misgendering and worries about being cast out/attacked for one's identity (doesn't actually happen), reader is only referred to as "she", google translate spanish, spanish pet names (used by both javi and reader), if i missed anything lmk!
dividers: by @saradika-graphics
beta: @qveerthe0ry and @scenaaario ily both ♥
summary: javi has been wanting to let his partner know something for a long time. in fact, this is something that javi has thought about for their entire life, and they're comfortable enough to finally say it.
a/n: written as a part of @romanarose 's pride event for week 1: coming out! i wanted to try something a little different and i hope you'll give it a try ♥
for any future fics, follow @oakslibrary and turn on notifications ♥
They were both in the living room, the credits for their weekly movie rolling in front of them. Javi had been wanting to tell her this for a while now. If they didn’t get it out now, he was sure he never would.
“I believe I am… trans,” Javi said into the quiet room, gaze fixed to the floor.
She blinked, shifting her attention from Instagram and letting his admission settle over her. Javi curled in on himself, still unable to meet her gaze. She locked her phone and set it down on the coffee table, giving Javi her complete attention.
“Oh?” She asked quietly.
Javi closed his eyes briefly and nodded, hands balled into fists against his knees. “Y-yes, I,” he gulped. “Um. I feel… Inside. I feel it inside.”
She had no personal experience in any of this before, but Javi was coming to her in confidence. Javi trusted her with this side of… them? Him? Her? She really wasn’t sure which applied to Javi at this point.
She nodded, considering. “H-have you, um,” she gulped. “What brought you to that… conclusion? I’m sorry, osito, I’m… I’m new to,” she gestured vaguely, but stopped in case that came off as dismissive. “I’m not sure what I should say.”
Javi finally turned to her, huffing out a laugh and wiping his eyes. They grabbed their love’s hand and held it gently in their own.
“I am sorry,” he said softly. “I just sort of… sprung this on you, but. It has been on my mind a lot lately.”
She nodded, urging Javi to continue.
“I did not have the language that is available now, as I was growing up. I’m not sure if I’m… I do not believe I am a woman, but,” Javi paused, looking down at their clasped hands.. She squeezed their hand reassuringly, and Javi squeezed back. “Masculinity is… fragile.”
She snorted at that, making Javi laugh a little as well.
“Well, it is, but you know what I’m saying,” Javi giggled.
“I do.”
“I have always felt disconnected with masculinity. There were so many things men were supposed to do, to be,” Javi sighed. “I never felt like I– Like I was one of those people.”
“Should I–” she started, but fell quiet. “Sorry, I don’t want to interrupt you, osito,” she said softly, rubbing her thumb across his cheek. Javi leaned into the touch, and gave a small shake of his head.
“Por favor, pregunta.”
“How should… Is there a name more fitting for you now? Or new… pronouns?”
Javi bit their lip, thinking about it. “I like my name,” they said easily. “And… I think I like ‘they’?” Javi shrugged. “It is still new for me as well.”
She giggled softly and leaned closer to press her forehead to theirs “That’s okay. We can… We’re in this together, mi osito.”
Javi’s cheeks flushed. They nodded, steeling themself for their next announcement. “I, um. I was wondering if you could… help me?”
She leaned back to look at him, eyes questioning. “Of course, amor. Whatever you need.”
“Um, I purchased some… clothes and makeup and I was wondering if you could help me put some outfits together?” He rushed out shyly.
She beamed, excited at the idea of helping her love explore something they’d always wanted to.
“It’s just–” Javi gulped. “You always look so put together and pretty and–”
“Javi,” she chuckled, taking his face in both hands. “I’d love to help you.”
The smile on Javi’s face could rival the sun.
Javi Gutierrez, he/they, discovered the word “genderfluid” a few months later. He liked that word, but it made everything all the more real. He knew that things were changing, but his mind was filled with brand new anxieties. He worried about being disrespected in meetings with studio executives, being misgendered, blacklisted, or even worse, a target.
For now, at least, he kept his identity private. Only his love, and immediate team were aware. To others, Javi was just a little adventurous when it came to fashion.
Ever since coming out to their partner, they’d gotten really good at applying their own eyeliner and lipstick, always a pretty neutral color that complimented his skin tone beautifully. Having lived in Mallorca most of his life, his wardrobe was already full of color, and he never shied away from the more “feminine” colors. Who knew wearing a pink suit would cause such a stir?
Some days they felt more masculine, and other days he felt more feminine. When they felt somewhere in the middle, they got to play around with some androgyny. The freedom to just… be was such a weight lifted off his shoulders. There were no restrictions to what they could do anymore. No pressures to act or look or be a certain way.
Javi was just… Javi.
And right now, Javi was nervous, but excited.
“Mi amor, look! What do you think? Do you think it is too much for the luncheon?” Javi asked brightly, twirling a little in their shared closet.
She gave him a once over and felt her heart flutter at just how happy Javi looked. She’d always had her suspicions about Javi, especially the longer they’d been together. Javi always carried themself a little… differently than most men. She understood now that it was because Javi wasn’t like most men. Or even a man at all. Well, not really, anyway.
“I love the color... but it may be a little too short,” Javi pouted, nervously tugging at the hem of the skirt.
“Oh, it’s perfect, mi osito,” she grinned, stepping closer to them. “However,” she started, biting her lip as she gave him another look. Javi’s eyes widened and their cheeks flushed. “I think you should wear your knee high socks with it. Balance it out a little.”
“Are you sure?” Javi blinked owlishly. They looked into the full length mirror turning first to the left, then right, assessing the outfit. He had chosen a matching set in a soft lavender, the delicate shade perfect against his golden skin. The tennis skirt made his ass look fantastic, and the polo shirt hugged his biceps perfectly, showing off his broad shoulders. The strip of skin that peeked out between the two pieces was an added bonus. “I haven’t worn anything this… obvious to this sort of meeting before.”
“What do you want to do, honey? I think you’ll look beautiful whatever you decide to wear,” she smiled, coming up behind them to wrap her arms around their waist. She kissed their shoulder comfortingly, nuzzling into the soft fabric.
Javi bit his lip as he turned in the mirror again. “I love the skirt. I love how it feels, but… Perhaps it is too casual? No quiero ser poco profesional.”
She hummed in understanding. “Maybe the earrings? The new ones,” she offered instead.
The tiny silver hoops with small crystals in the colors of the genderfluid flag were more delicate than Javi usually wore. The gender euphoria he would feel during the luncheon far outweighed the subtlety of the jewelry.
“Good idea,” Javi smiled, turning in her arms to cup her face and kiss her tenderly. She hummed happily into it, keeping her hands on their hips. As he pulled away, Javi’s eyes softened at her blissful expression. “I am not sure what I did to deserve you, but… I’m not complaining,” he chuckled softly.
Her heart thudded in her chest. She felt the exact same way. It would take a little time for her to get used to all the complexities and nuances of Javi’s gender, but she was willing to put in the work. She loved him, loved them for exactly the person Javi was.
“Perhaps I should not question it too much, hm?” Javi winked, then pressed a kiss to her forehead.
“Probably for the best,” she winked back. “Now, go get dressed so I can take you out later, ok?”
Javi smiled brightly and nodded, parting from her to get changed.
“I am nervous, mi amor,” Javi whispered, clutching her hand tightly in his own.
“You’ll be just fine. And you’ve got me here with you,” she grinned, and gave him a light peck on the cheek. “Don’t want to mess up your makeup,” she said, rubbing an invisible smudge off his highlighted cheekbone and winking.
Javi exhaled a heavy breath, eyes fluttering shut as he centered himself. “Alright. Press record, por favor.”
“Hola mis amigos,” they said shakily. "I have… I have something I’ve been meaning to share with all of you.” As nervous as Javi was, there was an undeniable determination in their eyes.
To say Javi’s coming out video went viral would be an understatement. Javi Gutierrez, screenplay writer and part-time producer, famed for working with the likes of Nicolas Cage, was coming out as genderfluid. It was on every news article and Twitter account for weeks.
Javi expected there to be mixed reactions, but the only opinions that they really cared about were from the people they’d be working with directly. His team had known for a long time, and they’d been out to themself for two years. They were sufficiently comfortable in this identity, and if he lost out on certain jobs, they weren’t worth having in the first place.
He did a few interviews after his initial coming out video, but made it clear that they didn’t want this to be something he had to talk about in every interview going forward. Yes, he was genderfluid, but it wasn’t the only thing.
Thankfully, lots of Javi’s celebrity friends were on his side. Every new set he worked on, he heard encouraging words from the cast and crew. A co-star who’s brand hinged on being very feminine, said Javi’s video unlocked a lot of feelings they had been trying to repress. One of the lighting guys, a man who could have passed for a member of the Hell’s Angels, quietly asked him for makeup recommendations while blocking a close-up shot. He worried about the people who wouldn’t be supportive, until he realized he had so many people in his corner that the bigots didn’t matter.
And above all else, he had her. She accepted them for who they were and even if she had questions or didn’t understand something, she made it a point to ask or do her own research.
Javi had never felt so seen. So respected.
And here, laying in her arms, head resting on her chest, they felt protected and loved.
“Your hair is getting long, mi osito,” she hummed quietly, twirling an errant curl around her finger.
“Sí, quería ver cómo quedaría,” Javi muttered, lifting their head and resting their chin on her stomach. He made eye contact with her, getting lost in the color of her eyes. “I have always wanted to know how I looked with long hair.”
“Oh, I’m sure it’ll be gorgeous, mi amor. These curls of yours,” she sighed wistfully.
Javi swayed their head from side to side, those curls bouncing and dancing along the tops of his shoulders. “You have said how much you love them,” Javi giggled.
“Well, it’s the truth. Maybe we can get some things to put in it once it’s even longer,” she offered, smiling softly.
Javi’s eyes grew wide and he sat up, on the bed, legs tucked under his backside. They were wearing a pale blue silk nightie that hugged their thighs and accentuated their shoulders beautifully. She couldn’t take her eyes off him.
“I would love that!” Javi exclaimed excitedly.
“Then it shall be so,” she grinned, playing with the bottom hem of the nightie they were wearing. She gazed up at him through her lashes, taking in the sharp angle of his cupid’s bow and full bottom lip. “When do you need to wake up, mi amor?”
Javi’s breath hitched as her fingers crept underneath the silk and across his thighs, and his gaze dropped to the smooth column of her neck. Their eyes met as he crawled over her to straddle her lap.
“Not early,” he hummed, “Did you have plans for this evening?” They asked mischievously, leaning in to tease open mouthed kisses across her collarbone.
“Maybe,” she sighed, reaching around to squeeze his ass, bare under the nightie.
“Good,” Javi smiled, leaning down to kiss her deeply, hungrily. She moaned into their mouth, relaxing as they found a comfortable rhythm.
And that’s just how it was for them. They were in sync. Javi had a feeling they always would be.
a/n: if you're curious to know what sort of nightie javi is wearing, this is what i was picturing ♥
#OscarPedroPrideEvent2024#javi gutierrez#javi gutierrez fanfiction#javi gutierrez fic#javi gutierrez x reader#javi gutierrez x you#javi gutierrez fluff#pedro pascal characters#pedro pascal cinematic universe#queer fiction#genderfluid#oaksfics
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The “Businessman”
Pairings: Fem!Reader x Sukuna
Cw/Tw: Violence, mentions of murder, torture, none of this is towards reader though.
WC: 1221
Note: I wrote something similar to this a long time ago, but I can’t find it on here, so I’m redoing it with more detail. 🫶 I might make this into a series at some point.
~Your CEO husband doesn’t like it when someone makes you cry. They’ll never be a problem for you or anyone else ever again.~
Comments and reblogs are much appreciated!! ✨
You're having a shitty day work, your boss being a complete asshole as usual. It's like he deliberately called you out in front of everyone else for the smallest of errors. Regrettably, you end up leaving early so you can go home and decompress. In other words, take a hot bath and cry. You didn't tell your husband, and you just wanted to sleep and not disturb him while he was at work, managing his own company. You didn't have to work, but you didn't like the idea of being just a stay at home wife with nothing to do. You liked a bit of a challenge, but this job was becoming too much of a stress factor in your life. When your boss wasn't being a complete dick, the work was nice, and you truly enjoyed the company of your coworkers. Talking gossip and having friends to go out on lunch dates with were the main perks of this job. Everyone was starting to get fed up with the boss though, and you often thought about quitting, since you didn't need this job, but you didn't want to give up your individuality.
As you pulled into your driveway, you sighed heavily into the steering wheel. It was barely after 10 am. Much too early to be home, but today was just too much to bear. Sulking inside, you kicked off your shoes and shed most of your clothing on the way to your lavish bathroom. You didn't need to tell Sukuna, your petty problems aren't something you wanted to burden him with.
But of course, your husband has tracking on your phone. And while he's in the middle of a meeting, letting his other associates talk about company improvements, his phone vibrates with your change of location. Glancing to the clock, he realizes, it's too early for you to be home. Not that he cares, you're free to do as you wish, but it was abnormal for his wife to be home so early on a work day. He isn't questioned as he stands and leaves the meeting, others knowing his personal affairs aren't to be pried into. This part of his job can wait. He has his driver make a few stops on the way home before he arrives, and he finds you curled into the large bed beneath the blankets. Feeling the mattress sink in next to you, your eyes flutter open to the gorgeous face looking down to you. Sukuna's warm hand is cupping your cheek gently, his thumb rubbing over the small dried tear streak from your eye. His gaze focused on it momentarily before lifting his eyes to yours.
"Hey, princess." he chuckles and kisses your forehead before placing something soft and velvety against your lips. The familiar scent of a rose filled your senses and you smiled weakly to him.
"Is it already after 5..?" You ask through a small yawn, assuming it was the end of his work day. "Not even close." He chuckles, his large hand rubbing across your hip, caressing you softly.
"Saw you went home. Came to check on my darling."
Ah, that's right. You sometimes forgot your husband knew your every move. Others thought it was severely controlling and an invasion to your privacy, but you honestly didn't care. He had his possessive traits, but you knew he'd never interfere into something innocent unless it was to benefit you. Like now. It was little moments like this you enjoyed. You didn't want to bother him, and he could see your location was heading towards home. So, not like you were straying away to a place he didn't know. But, he chose to come on his own. And the rose and small basket of your favorite treats he had got on the way home made it even more endearing.
"Just having a rough day?" His deep voice spoke against your skin as you now cuddled with him, his warm lips gracing your neck in kisses.
"Yeah, my boss can be such an asshole. I swear, he likes to insult everyone in front of a crowd for no reason. Its so embarrassing and I just wasn't in the mood today for his antics."
"Want me to kill him for you?" His serious sounding response made you laugh while shoving his arm playfully. "Ha, I wish."
Oh sweet innocent thing...your husband would do anything for you. With the money and power he possesses, a simple task as that would be nothing. You may have joked and laughed about a crazy fantasy that many wished upon their shitty bosses, but in your case, it would be taken care of.
This wasn't the first time Sukuna heard you complain about your boss, nor the first time you came home early and had been obviously crying. Sukuna was the endearing CEO husband who you loved and trusted with all your heart. At least, to you he was. To others, he was a terrifying sight, especially if anyone crossed him. Or you.
~~~~~~~~
Sukuna hummed in delight while slipping on a pair of black latex gloves, a slight twitch in his lips, pulling them to a grin across his face.
"If you keep trying to break out of those cuffs, I'm going to bash in your kneecaps." He said nonchalantly to his victim in the chair before him.
"You're fucking crazy! Just let me go man! I didn't do anything to you!"
Sukuna only hummed louder to himself to drown out the pathetic cries of desperation. Again, his victim wrestled with the cuffs, groaning and cussing while trying to slip his hands out of them.
Picking up the sledge hammer that was leaning against his prep table, Sukuna twisted it in his hands briefly, looking at the blunt end of the tool with delight. "Left, or right?" He simply asked, finally looking to the restrained man.
"You're gonna rot in jail for this shit!"
"Left it is."
Taking a step forward, Sukuna swung the sledge hammer swiftly into the mans left knee, and the sickening crunch of bones echoed through the concrete room. It only took one hit to completely destroy the man's knee, and Sukuna laughed in unison with the gargled screams from his victim. The man might eventually pass out from pain, but he'd wake him up again. This wasn't going to be quick and easy. He had too many tools laid out to have his fun for the next several hours. Pulling teeth and prying off fingernails were some of his favorite forms of slow torture.
~~~~~~~~~
Going into work the next day, the news of your boss quitting abruptly with no notice was shocking. You thanked luck, just happy he was finally out of here, and someone more respectable took his place. Perhaps he finally got enough complaints against him. Sukuna would rejoice in the lucky news with you later in the day after he made you an amazing dinner. And when he took you to bed, he made love so passionately to you, his large hands so gentle and tender to your body. You were clueless to his true nature, and he preferred it that way. He took pride in knowing the remains of your old boss were never going to be found. No one was allowed to make his darling cry.
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SYNASTRY OBSERVATIONS🔥❤️
I just want to give a heads up that I am no professional astrologer.. although it's funny cuz you see most users saying this here and their predictions seem pretty professional in the end no? Lol. Anyways, as I was saying, please don't plagiarise my content..but wait, no, I don't really have a problem actually cause astrology is astrology and if you wanna use it for your posts, fine...feel free to...I have no issue so please widen your knowledge and share it with others. Okay, I think it's best i begin now.
Also, I'll be talking about stuff that are meant only for adult eyes lol😂 so dear minor watching, i understand how curiosity fuels your engine but please don't interact with this, otherwise curiosity will also begin to kill minors along with cats.😂😂
If something here does not relate with your experience, please keep in mind that astrology is an insanely vast but such a beautiful topic so this varies based on other aspects and placements too.
☀️Sun in the 8th house🏠 -
•The sun person makes the house persons insecurities and past wounds exposed due the sun persons brightness, because of this it seems like the sun person hurts the house person unintentionally.
•The house person gets triggered a lot with certain actions of the sun person but keep in mind, the sun person has no intention of triggering the house person.
•These are the triggers that's developed because of the house persons past and it gets exposed to the sun's light.
•No matter how much the house person tries to stop those triggers, it won't stop in the beginning of the connection.
•The sun person might want to explore the house persons deepest parts that they hide from the world and as the dynamic gets closer to eachother in the connection, the sun persons heat either worsens the wounds or helps heal the house person heal them.
•The sun person pays a lot of attention to the house persons deepest wounds and desires.
•They notice every little detail of the house persons insecurities but you'll be happy to know that the sun person usually finds brightness in all your darkest parts.
•The house person will be someone who provides them a shadey place to relax from their own ego and shine. A place for them to dig deeper than surface level.
•The house person gets obsessed completely with their entire soul towards the sun person. It's usually possible that the house person felt an instant pull to the sun person on their first meeting.
•Here, usually along with the above points, manifests in such a way where the sun person wants the house person to be as open and comfortable with them as possible but the house person is too afraid to expose their sensitive hidden parts to the sun person.
8th house synastry -
•i feel, according to my studies and observations that whatever planet sits in the 8th house becomes like a two sided coin or a opposite sort of thinking here most of the time.
•Usually the planet person thinks and feels some way about the house person but the house person feels like the planet person thinks the complete opposite of what the planet person actually thinks (lol I hope it made sense) and vice versa.
•It's like both the house person and the planet person may have similar feelings about eachother (planets depend as it can change this) but they both think that the other doesn't feel the same way about them.
• EX: VENUS in the 8th house - both of them (planet person and house person) love eachothers beauty and insecurities of eachother but they are insecure that the other person does not like it or will not like it sooner or later.
ANOTHER EX: SUN in the 8th house - both of them (planet person and house person) wants the other to open up to them but they think the other person does not want to or will not support them or understand them. Both of them want to open up abt their insecurities but they both are afraid and hence take a long time to open up but in the beginning are closed off.
Btw, I'll be making a list of Eros in the houses and signs in synastry soon.
Eros (433) in 3rd house : Firstly, Eros is your turn ons. The Eros person is turned on / finds the house person voice very attractive. Also the house persons hands, how the house person speaks and their mind.
Eros (433) in 7th house : The Eros person is turned on / finds the house persons feminity attractive. Even the house persons ass lol. If the house person is a woman, then the Eros person finds her feminine body very beautiful.
Kiss (8267) in the 4rth house :
•the house person can be comforted easily by the kisses of the kiss person.
•the kiss person's kisses feels like home for the house person.
•soft loving kisses.
•slow comforting kisses.
•The kiss person can love to kiss the house person's chest.
Kiss (8267) in the 9th house :
• the house person gets very hyped up and excited when the kiss person kisses them.
•the house person feels protected and safe everytime the kiss person kisses them.
•since this is Jupiter's house, the house person may want more and more of the kiss person's kisses. They may also get a lot of kisses from the kiss person. The kiss person may have the urge to kiss the house person whenever they're around around them since Jupiter expands whatever he touches. This holds true if the house person's Jupiter is in conjunct with the kiss persons kiss Asteroid.
•the kiss person can give the house person kisses out of nowhere too.
Vesta (4) is an asteroid that indicates what our soul is most devoted towards, where you're most dedicated, where you invest a lot of your energy. The conjunctions can make this asteroid very prominent in synastry.
= If you want to know if you are going to invest a lot of energy in a connection, check if Vesta conjuncts any of your inner planets, especially big 3 (ascendant, sun, moon) and ESPECIALLY JUPITER.
= Which planet Vesta conjuncts indicates the kind of dedication or the areas in which you or the other person is dedicated towards in the connection.
= EXAMPLE 1 :
•Vesta conjunct Jupiter = Vesta person is dedication to guide and protect the Jupiter person.
•This conjunction makes the Vesta person extremely, I mean superly duperly extremely excessively devote all the energy they have in them towards the Jupiter person.
•The Vesta person surrenders and devotes themselves to Jupiter person as if the Jupiter person were a god.
= EXAMPLE 2 :
•Vesta conjunct Venus = the Vesta person has a romantic dedication towards the Venus person.
•The Vesta person is very much dedicated to showing the Venus person their love.
•This is a 100% loyalty placement in any romantic relationship. Other aspects matter too though but this tops the loyalty placement among many other.
• The Vesta person is usually the one very loyal in this connection but the Venus person loves the dedication that the Vesta person has towards them and this becomes the Venus person's fuel for loving the vesta person in return.
•The Vesta person is devoted romantically towards the Venus person.
= EXAMPLE 3 :
• Vesta conjunct Sun = the Vesta person has an overall dedication towards the sun person.
• This literally means that the Vesta person is dedicated to the sun persons soul.
= EXAMPLE 4 :
This time I'll give an example of Vesta seated in _______ house.
• Vesta seated in the 8th house = The Vesta person has such a deep leveled soul digging devotion towards the house person, especially if Vesta conjuncts any planet here (esp. big 3).
Yay! Special asteroid mention time!!
Vesta ☌ child (4580) -
The Asteroid Child is youthfulness, where your inner child never dies, where you feel a little lost, where you feel like a child.
•The Vesta persons devotion is aimed at making the child person feel like a child.
•The Vesta person invests HUGE amounts of their energy just to make the child person laugh like a child, smile like a child and feel like a child.
•The Vesta person is also devoted to make the child person's inner child never die, to keep their inner child alive.
•The child person can make the Vesta person feel lost at times.
•The child person is lost when it comes to the Vesta persons devotion towards them, especially if Vesta is also ☌ (conjunct) Sun/Jupiter.
•The child person wonders why the Vesta person is so devoted towards them.
That's all for today my dear readers with amazingly curious minds. I hope you all enjoyed reading this post today and I hope I made somebody smile! Let me know in the comments if anything resonated and if you'd like me to cover anything in astrology!! Love you all so much ! Bye bye for now! Take care, be happy and healthy!😊❤️
Asteroids mentioned above : 433,8267,4,4580
#astrology#astro community#astrology on tumblr#astro observations#astro notes#astronomy#astroloji#astrology masterlist#astrology chart#astrology compatibility#astrology content#astrology community
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Desolation
A YV Fan Au created by me !! Mateo/urpaperboy !! :)
Hi !! So I made these doodles on the whiteboard that @itsargyle made and got going on here rn and well people were interested in me talking about it so here I am !!
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Welcome to Desolation, A Steampunk styled YV Fan AU !!
The Term Desolation means - a state of complete emptiness or destruction or anguished misery or loneliness.
This was fan product I created back in 2021 and have and continued growing along side a couple of my friends in the YV community, and while although I haven’t written anything about it, I know how both the story begins and ends. So let’s talk about that !!
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The Plot
Everyone has their beginnings, middles, and ends. Everyone's beginnings either start bright or tragic. In this story, we follow the life of Seth, one whose beginnings started both bright and tragic and ended bright and tragic too. Seth is the so called “proud inventor” of the town, ones who inventions are beloved by many people around him, including Alphonse, which Seth has grown to love and care for and hopes to have a future with. But when tragedy strikes amongst the two, it sends Seth down a path of Desolation. But to keep his beloveds memory alive, he invents what can only be his greatest creation and the possible escape from his grief. But with that, comes a price, that the two of them must face and pay with in Blood and Tears, and possibly Oil too.
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The Characters
Seth
- Seth in this AU of mine is the main protagonist of the story. He’s an inventor !! Again, the “proud inventor” of the town he lives in. He has made many things for everyone and even owns a small shop in the town where people can view what he is creating just by looking through a window. Although most see him as a bit of a weird person for focusing their life to the inventions, the entire town loves him !! He has made himself quite a popular one in the town. But of course, he faces his own struggles and grievances, especially now that he knows the man he fell in love with, is now gone. But with the creation of his biggest invention ever, he hopes that maybe his broken heart can be healed and made anew, but unfortunately not everyone gets that.
Alphonse/A.I.phonse
- Alphonse is technically a protagonist too but not in the way you expect. For the first few parts of the story he runs a small business of selling sugars and sweets, which is actually running very well. And (and this is completely obvious) he has a rather close relationship with Seth (hehe crush moment), but unfortunately, his story comes to an end. But when tragedy strikes, something new blooms.
Meet A.I.phonse, A Robot created in Seth’s image in the hopes to keep a small resemblance of Alphonse alive, sounds a bit psycho but I promise it’s not. Throughout the story, he is there to help Seth Process his Grief, and help him attempt to continue with His Life. He learns like a newborn child in the world, he learns about life and other things. But as he grows, the realization of existence begins to become his biggest question.
Finn/Jack
Finn and Jack are one of the closest friends Seth. They are the one who help him out whenever Alphonse can’t. Finn has his flower shop which Jack works in too. When Alphonse dies, The Two boys make it their goal to at least keep Seth happy, although it is rather difficult considering Alphonse literally dies in Seth’s Arms so it was a rather traumatic experience and definitely difficult to try and keep someone happy after that. But although the challenge is difficult, they keep trying, because who wants to see their friend sad?
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These are the other characters that are in the story but can’t really write much about at the moment
- Charlie
- Derek (he’s obviously a the antagonist)
- Jessie
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That’s currently what I can share so far !! I’ll post a character line up of all the characters when I fix them up and actually do it soooo yeah !!
If you have any questions for me about this AU, my inbox is open, I’d be happy to answer these questions !!
- Mateo ⭐️
#yuurivoice#yuurivoice alphonse#yuurivoice seth#yuurivoice finn#yuurivoice jack#yuurivoice charlie#yuurivoice derek#yuurivoice jessie#yuurivoice au#mateo thots#mateo au#yv: desolation#desolation au
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I see your a fellow Chaggie shipper. As am I. ANd I've asked other Chaggie shippers on tumblr and I must ask you: What are your FULL thoughts on Charlie learning of Vaggie's secret? From finding out in Heaven to her whole anger/hurt/confusion at Vaggie.
i wasn't ignoring this but i needed a few days to gather my thoughts because i have lots of them
between heaven and the two of them meeting back up with an army/weapons in tow, there's roughly a month's worth of time as far as i've been told/can tell, so i'm going based on that rough timeline
charlie's first reaction, imo, was shock; the way she collapsed and let vaggie shepherd her and guard her isn't the reaction of someone who's immediately jumped to anger/mistrust, it's the reaction of someone whose entire life view has just been altered.
i don't think they ever actually fought about it. gut feeling maybe, but considering what we saw (charlie curled in bed crying, vaggie saying "in our room... alone") and my personal hc that she takes after her dad in times of emotional turmoil by self-isolating and sinking into the depression... i have a feeling they didn't even talk about it for a while.
vaggie might have tried to; we got a glimpse of it right around alastor's deal with charlie. i firmly believe that after it was in the open, she probably did try to explain herself, and charlie was still half-shocked and feeling a bit betrayed and didn't have the brain space to deal with it between the upcoming extermination and knowledge that her loved ones were going to be targeted first. she probably did a ton of soul-searching on her own; remember, charlie is +/- a good few centuries, if not older, so while she's very upbeat and happy, it's not unreasonable to think she's had a good while to practice some emotional maturity. she isn't perfect, obviously, but based on how much she adores vaggie, i think she'd want to know firmly where she stands before they talk things out.
i also think vaggie was terrified the entire time that she'd just fucked up the only genuine, good relationship (romantic or otherwise) that she's ever had. we don't get much backstory on what things were like for her in heaven, but she doesn't seem to have been particularly close to anyone there, and "whatever it takes" sort of reinforces that with her "and it felt so good to be understood / but there's so much i wish that i could say." i think she wanted to tell charlie but she kept putting it off, and the longer she put it off the worst she thought it'd be, until she hit a point where she felt like she couldn't tell charlie because what would charlie think of her after lying to her for three years?
charlie did likely wonder how much of it had been a lie and whether vaggie had ulterior motives, because who wouldn't, but i think she dismissed that pretty fast. especially because there's no way angel and the rest of the crew didn't notice vaggie moping around like a kicked puppy; i'm sure they were equally unhappy with vaggie's lying, but the group sentiment didn't seem anything more than mildly annoyed by it.
she was the most hurt by the fact that vaggie didn't trust her enough to tell her; supported by her conversation with rosie. and that seems pretty fair, imo: vaggie knows how much charlie can forgive, can see the potential for redemption in people, and she's had an up-close view of that in vaggie for the last three years. and charlie trusts (trusted) vaggie wholeheartedly, so the idea of that not being reciprocal hurt her deeply.
i think they tried to talk things out ~a couple weeks in, and vaggie shut down in the middle of the conversation from a mix of trauma and fear that she'd lose charlie; i love vaggie dearly, but she's placed a ton of her self-worth on how useful she is to charlie. she very much believes she's nothing without charlie, because charlie saved her and is a large part of who she's become. there's a little bit of a power imbalance/codependency on vaggie's side, and while i don't think that's insurmountable for them nor do i think the relationship as a whole is unhealthy, that piece of it must have made it absolute torture to be pushed away.
i think she and angel may have had a few late-night conversations actually; they seem like they're on better/friendlier terms just before alastor and charlie make their deal; the whole "you ever think she's sensitive about her lack of wings? ... just like her lack of tits :D" bit struck me a lot more like friendly ribbing/trying to lighten the mood rather than actual malice. angel definitely doesn't have much experience with healthy relationships, but he does have experience with damage control, and i imagine he gave vaggie advice that basically boiled down to don't push, let her come to you, she's really hurt and needs to process. he cares a ton about charlie even if he doesn't show it, but i think he has sort of a begrudging respect/love-hate thing with vaggie lol. especially after the battle-bonding.
their first actual conversation about it was probably after the cannibal town army/weapons stockup before the battle. talking to rosie clearly really helped charlie process things, and i do think it's interesting that as far as we know, she hasn't talked to her father about it; not particularly surprising since their relationship is a bit tenuous, but still interesting, since he would likely have been a good perspective for her to have as a fellow fallen angel (ex-angel? idk if vaggie really counts as fallen). but regardless, rosie helped her a lot and most of her initial betrayal and hurt seems to have fizzled out with just the "why didn't she trust me?" piece left.
that was probably the main thing they talked about. vaggie tells her about what really happened to get her stuck here, and charlie is furious, and that alone probably helps her understand; i'd have trust issues, too, if someone i'd known presumably my whole life ripped off my limbs and cut my eye out. vaggie and charlie had an instant connection, clearly, but she didn't trust charlie enough to tell her initially and then things spiraled out of control. by the time she realized charlie might be okay with her past, she'd already been hiding it so long that it felt like too big a secret to share. and i think some part of her still believed this would be something charlie couldn't forgive.
and my favorite hc: charlie can't forgive it. we don't know how many souls vaggie has fully eradicated, but it has to be in the thousands, at least. lute's kill count from one purge was 275, and adam references vaggie being "one of his top girls." there's also a detail i saw pointed out elsewhere; most of the exorcists have plain black halos, except for lute, whose halo has a white glow as well... and vaggie, whose halo shares the same glow. there's a good chance she was high up in the ranks, possibly third in command -- and possibly quickly closing in on having a higher kill count than lute, which would explain her vitriol and eagerness to get rid of vaggie at the first sign of weakness. but obviously, that's just a headcanon. as is much of the above xD
but back to charlie, i don't think she'd be able to forgive that. the good news is, she doesn't have to. charlie is upbeat and optimistic, but she was raised in hell. she's not naive; she knows the people she wants to save have committed heinous atrocities. the difference is that she believes in change. the vaggie she knows, the one standing in front of her, isn't an exorcist. she's her partner, who while yes, eager to anger and easy to jump to violence, only does so when she or charlie are provoked/threatened. charlie is capable of still being disappointed/devastated by vaggie's past and acknowledging that it's not her present - or future.
one of the things i also think is so important is the battle scene. that was a huge test of charlie's acceptance; seeing her girlfriend step back into that role, that violence, was a big thing, one that nobody would've blamed her for recoiling from. she doesn't. she fights alongside vaggie (albeit... creatively, we'll say) and yes, the exorcists are enemies and she has a long history of reasons to hate them, but even during the battle she doesn't. she's still apologetic and doesn't really want to hurt anyone, just deter them. it takes vaggie telling her to be harsher for her to do it, and she follows vaggie's instruction. this is vaggie's area of expertise, and while she may have learned those skills by butchering Charlie's people, she's repurposed those skills. She's armor, not a weapon; she's violent only to defend, not out of bloodlust.
i think it's really easy to misunderstand charlie's acceptance of vaggie's past as naive or their reconciliation as too soon/too easy, but there's three years of history behind them and charlie actively chooses not to let this new information shatter the foundation they've built together. they're a prime example of the idea that relationships work because you continue to choose that person, to choose to work at it, and while that only works if both sides are willing, for vaggie and charlie, they are.
i do really hope we see vaggie find some self-worth outside of charlie in s2, though. she has so much potential to explore the complexity of her character and i really want to see that. i don't think they're bad for each other, but to some extent... vaggie went from serving one entity (adam) to serving another (charlie) and that level of devotion can be dangerous. charlie is infinitely better than adam, don't get me wrong, but vaggie definitely needs to find purpose beyond being charlie's right hand.
i'm personally hoping for sort of an... exorcist/angel ambassador role for her? something that ties into the hotel but is independent of charlie and something she wants to do. or maybe teaching self-defense/offense to the rest of the group (which she likely did for the battle/army, since she knows better than anyone how the exorcists fight).
honestly i probably have more thoughts than this but i hope you enjoyed my stream of consciousness ramble about Them <3
#i love them a lot and i have so many feelings about how they worked through it#chaggie#charlie morningstar#charlie x vaggie#vaggie hazbin hotel#vaggie#rainbowmoth#hazbin hotel#jesus fuck this got long oops
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Hiii 👋🏻 I'm the anon that requested the Seungmin fic and I can't tell you how happy I am that you wrote it and so quickly too!! It was so so so much better than what I had imagined🥰🤭 Thank you soo much for writing it🤗❤️ and ik you literally JUST posted it but please a part 2 sometime? I'm soo curious to know what reader will do to Seungmin once they finally get home.☺️😚 Personally I'm thinking about tying him up a lil and edging him more and then just overstimulating him to oblivion cuz canon Seungmin has a pain kink and that just messes me up every time I remember 🤭🤤 but I wanna know what you had in store for him hehe😈
Hi Anonnie 🥰 Finally got attacked by visions of subby Seungmin again enough to finish up this part 2!
{part one can be found here}
Only Wanna Be With You {part 2}
sub!Seungmin x domme!reader
warnings: smut, sexual content, noona kink, vibrators, edging, ruined orgasm (I promise it's okay in the end lol), overstimulation, 18+ ONLY, MDNI
summary: After your evening of teasing at the karaoke bar, Seungmin is desperate to feel you. But his eagerness might get the better of him
word: 3.6k
You let Seungmin drag you into the house, pausing every few steps to draw you in a heated kiss. You even let him drag you all the way into the bedroom, pressing your body up against the closed door and sucking red marks into your neck. His hands roam your body, grabbing onto any part of you harshly, squeezing any bit of your flesh that he can. He’s insatiable, body pressed up against you, crashing into you like a wave breaking over a rocky shore.
You let him lead the way for a bit, getting lost in the moment and his desperation. As your tongues entwine, he growls into the kiss, pulling away to nip at your bottom lip. He shifts position to slot a thigh between your legs, tilting your hips to grind against him.
When his domineering side peeks through, it makes it all the more fun for you to take control and watch him crumble. You let him believe he’s the one in charge for a few minutes, rocking your hips against him, whimpering into his kiss. He’s so worked up from your fun at the karaoke bar that he forgets you still hold on to the one thing that will make his knees buckle.
You sneak your phone out of your pocket, knowing full well that Seungmin is too far gone in the moment to notice. You crack one eye open as you open the app for the remote control of the vibrator still sitting snug around his hardening cock. He’s still lost in you, obsessed with the way you feel against him, hungry for you. Your thumb taps the button and amps up the vibration to almost the highest setting.
He yelps as his hips jerk towards you. As expected his knees turn to jelly and he collapses his weight against you, shaking from the sudden onslaught of sensation. The agony of pleasure paints his features, his brow furrowed and his jaw slack. He chokes on the moan that tries to escape. You kiss along his jaw to his ear and chuckle.
“Nice try, Minnie,” you murmur. “A valiant effort, truly.”
He slides down your body, knees dropping him to the carpet. His fingers grip harshly onto your thighs as he whimpers, hips shuddering beneath you. He looks up at you, pleading in his eyes.
“Y/n… please-”
“Oh, it’s not Y/n tonight,” you say, cupping his cheek. “Tonight, it’s Noona.”
You turn the vibration down to the lowest level. Reaching out, your fingers grip the collar of his shirt, dragging him back up to a standing position. You pull Seungmin close to your face, tilting your head leaning in like you’re going to kiss him. Just as his eyes close, you run your hand up his neck to his mouth, slipping two fingers inside gently. He whines as he wraps his lips around your digits, the hot silk of his mouth pulling you in.
Using the leverage of your fingers in his mouth, you push him gently until he starts to walk backwards one step at a time. You walk him across the room this way until the back of his knees meet the mattress. Pulling your fingers out of his mouth, he falls into a seated position.
“I want your clothes off in the next 2 minutes. Go.”
He scrambles to undress himself, tearing off his shirt and fumbling with his belt. You cross your arms, standing in front of him, eye raking over him. His cock strains against his underwear, a small wet spot already visible in the fabric. When he’s finished, he sits on the bed and places his hands on his own thighs, flushed cock standing at attention.
“Good boy,” you purr, caressing his cheek.
His whole face lights up at the praise, eyes sparkling in the low light. You grin as you look over him, tilting his chin up and capturing his lips. He moans into your touch, hands balling into fists on his thighs, desperate to feel you. You lean into him, pressing a knee into the mattress between his legs. Seungmin’s cock twitches at the brush of your thigh and you can feel the vibrator thrumming away on the lowest setting.
“Y/n- I mean Noona…” he whispers. “Can I touch you?”
“You can do more than that, Minnie,” you say. “I need you to get me out of my clothes too.”
Grabbing his wrists, you feel a slight tremor in his hands when you place them on your body. His moves are tentative, each article of clothing he looks up and asks for a silent permission to continue. Soon his fingers graze over the textured lace of your bra, sliding around back to unhook it.
Your breasts spill out of the cups as he takes off the garment, your nipples already pebbling in the cool air of the room. His eyes are locked on them, aching to have them in his mouth. He looks up again at you, eyes wide and full of asking. You run your hands over your breasts, rolling your nipples between your fingers, gasping at the touch. A whine builds low in the back of his throat while you tease him before you finally nod, giving him permission.
Seungmin wastes no time wrapping his lips around your nipple, hands coming up to knead at the soft flesh. Massaging and sucking on your skin with his warm mouth leaves you gasping. He uses his teeth to gently graze over the sensitive bud, drawing a moan from your throat. He’s just so good with his mouth.
While his mouth is occupied, his hands move down to your panties, hooking his thumbs in the elastic and pulling them down your hips. The fabric is wet, a string of arousal clings to them as Seungmin peels them off. When they drop to the floor, his hands slide back up to grip onto your ass, pulling you towards him again. Your hand snakes down, grabbing him tenderly by the throat and pulling his face away from where his tongue flicks over your nipple and back up to your face.
Your lips collide in one devastating short kiss before you pull away.
“Mouth, I need your mouth on me,” you pant out. Seungmin stands, lifting your body, and lays you down on the bed. He crawls up the bed, capturing your lips once more. You slip your fingers into his hair and grasp hard. He keens at the touch, his hips shaking and cock bobbing. He slots himself in between your thighs, your legs wrapping around his hips automatically.
The way the tip of his cock brushes across your arousal has you both delirious. Seungmin rocks his hips against you, his cock slipping between your folds, grazing your clit with each movement. You meet his movement, grinding into his cock, whimpering into his mouth. Suddenly, you still, fingers grabbing his hair once more to pull him away.
“I said I need your mouth, Minnie.”
He already looks so fucked out, his expression dazed as he meets your eyes. He grins a dopey little grin, swooping down to peck you on the lips before shifting his body down until he’s level with your cunt.
“Of course Noona,” he says, looking up at you from below. He sticks out his tongue with a smile on his face, about to make contact with your with your clit when you interrupt him.
“Now there’s one rule you have to follow.”
“Anything, Noona,” he hums.
You pick up your phone once again and his eyes go wide.
“You’re not allowed to cum until I say so.”
The buzzing of the vibrator fills the room before Seungmin whines, hips rutting into the bed. His fingers dig into your thighs as you chuckle.
“Noo-nAAH…” he moans out in a low pitch, eyes scrunched shut. “Fffuck!”
You lower the vibration a smidge with a wicked smile on your face. Seungmin looks up at you again, his lashes wet from exertion. His cock is so overly sensitive from edging him and teasing him in public - not that you’re going to let up any time soon. The longer it takes, the better it feels. You reach down to ghost your thumb over his reddened cheek.
“Put that filthy mouth to work, Minnie.”
He nods, a devilish determination sparkles in his eye. He hooks his arms around your thighs, pulling you closer to him and descends onto your cunt, kissing your wetness gently before devouring you. His tongue flat against you, he licks long stripes between your lips, savoring the taste. You buck your hips towards him, chasing away the ache from being turned on all night. Seeing Seungmin flushed and hard while he was on stage, and now fixated on making you cum with his tongue, has you wound so tightly already.
His hips start grinding into the mattress again, whimpering into your cunt as you grab onto his hair. His tongue flicks against the swollen bundle of nerves as sloppy, wet sounds fill the room. You alternate between praising him and cursing at the way he has you pinned down, sucking your clit into his mouth, swirling his tongue around. It makes you dizzy hearing him moan into you.
You have just enough clarity of mind to grab your phone again and turn the vibration up, using your thumb to bounce the speed to the rhythm of his licks. With his cock trapped between his body, the vibrator, and the mattress, he shudders. His skin is buzzing as he pleads against your cunt for release. His desperation to cum paired with his desperation to make you cum first are battling inside of him. You see the way that tears well up in his eyes, decorating his lashes as he looks up at you from below.
“Noona, I’m-!” he whines, voice cracking.
You shut off the vibrator completely, taking your feet and pressing them into his hips to stop them from moving. He nearly sobs in frustration, taking away the friction he needs to reach his peak.
“FUCK!”
“I said no cumming until I say so.”
“But, Noona…” he whines, nose and cheeks flushed from unshed tears and desire.
“No, you have one job right now, Min,” you say. “If you’re a good boy, I’ll make sure you get a reward. Do you want to be a good boy?”
He bites his lip and nods.
“Good. Get back to work, love.”
A new emotion crosses his features, something like a vulnerable confusion. You’ve never called him “love” before, and it makes his heart flutter. Instead of asking you about it in the moment, he dives right back into you, tenderly kissing your cunt before teasing your clit.
It doesn’t take long to bring you to the edge again, your hips shaking as you squeeze your thighs around Seungmin’s head. He couldn’t care less that he can’t breathe in this moment. Hearing your cries and feeling you gush arousal on his tongue would be pleasure enough to die happily between your legs, lips wrapped around your clit. Breathing can wait.
You whimper as you chase your high, grinding into his face as he barrages your cunt with his hot mouth. He groans, the sound reverberating in the very core of you. With a cry, your orgasm snaps through you, shattered by Seungmin’s tongue. His hands hold you down as you thrust against his face. As your muscles flutter around him, he doesn’t let up, lapping at you with the same fervor.
It’s too much as you start to come down from your high. His tongue still flicks across your swollen clit, each lick sending a shock of painful pleasure zipping through your body. You tangle your hands in his hair again and pull him off your cunt with a lewd, slick pop!
He greets you with that same dopey, fucked out smile, proud of his work. His chin is covered in your essence and he licks his lips.
“Kiss me,” you say, panting.
You’re still trying to catch your breath as he clambers up your body and presses his lips to yours. You can taste yourself on his tongue and it drives you insane, pulling him closer to your body.
Even though his cock is still hard and leaking from neglect, he settles into your embrace. Your lips slide over his lazily and he’s content with just this. He just wants you in any capacity you’re willing to give him. Both of you notice his cock twitch when you mewl into his mouth, becoming very aware of how much he’s still throbbing with the need for release.
You detach from his mouth and catch his gaze, tear streaks drying on his cheeks. He smiles at you, adoration plain on his face, until you sneak your hand between your bodies and gently brush the length of him with your fingers.
“You did so good for me, Minnie,” you say. “Tonight, you get a little treat for that.”
You scoot up the bed until you’re sitting up against the headboard. Opening your legs, Seungmin looks at you curiously as you pat the spot between them. He crawls over to you, finding your lips again in a sweet, short kiss until you take him by the shoulders and gently turn him to face the other direction. His back presses up against your chest as you wrap him in an embrace, pressing light kisses to his neck.
“Noona, wh-”
“Shhh,” you hush him, pulling him closer, trailing your tongue over the shell of his ear.
He fully melts into your touch, his cock bobbing against his lower belly as his body relaxes. You rake your nails through his hair then roam around his body with a ghost of a touch.
“Open your legs,” you whisper, grazing your nails lightly over his thighs.
He giggles, a shy little noise, as he spreads his legs. You caress over the delicate skin between his thighs and he sighs. Your hands snake around his middle as the heels of your feet hook around his thighs, prying them open further, confining him in such an exposed position.
“Noona…” he whines breathlessly, wiggling his hips. Despite his attempts to move, you have the leverage, bracing your feet into the bed to keep his thighs apart.
“I’ve got you, Minnie,” you whisper, grazing your teeth over his neck. “It’s my turn to play.”
He shudders in your grasp, hips jerking forward as your fingers skim over his nipples. The fabric of the bedsheet bunches in his clenched fists, head thrown back over your shoulder. The little whines that leave his mouth make you chuckle.
“I’ve barely touched you, are you that impatient?”
“Don’t laugh at me!” Seungmin wails. “So much teasing….all night…”
He pouts at you, thrusting his hips up slightly as you laugh. Your fingers trail down, brushing over his length ever so lightly. A bead of pre-cum leaks out of his tip.
“Poor thing,” you coo, tauntingly. “You’re a mess.”
He hums miserably. He tries to close his thighs around your hand to trap it against his cock, but your legs hold him open as he writhes in your grasp. Your mouth latches on to his neck, sucking a bruising mark into his soft skin. The way your fingers trail around his girth, holding the tip of his cock in your touch and bouncing him gently in your hand. He moans at the way you’re playing with him, his cheeks flushing with the burn of embarrassment and a hot streak of lust. He feels like he’s back on stage in front of everyone, cock hard while he tries to keep his composure and sing. You’re controlling his every move and he’d gladly let you.
The first full stroke over his cock has him keening, more pre-cum flowing from his tip. Your other hand rests lightly around his jaw. Two of your fingers press into his mouth and he sucks them down greedily with a hum, he thrusts himself into your touch, chasing the minute friction you’re allowing him.
He braces his arms around your thighs, using the leverage to arch his back further in your embrace while he pumps into your hand. Drool spills from his mouth around your fingers as he fucks himself with your hand, slamming his eyes shut. He’s so close, the edge is approaching faster than he expected. He’s babbling, his hips stutter as he races towards his release-
Your hand leaves him completely and he sobs at the loss.
“Greedy little thing!” you say. Your hand comes down firmly on his thigh, slapping wetly against his skin.
He throws his head back against your shoulder as he cries out, his cock still throbbing without your touch. Oh god, he can’t hold it back, tears slip down his cheeks again as he realizes he’s at the point of no return. Pearly white fluid leaks out of his tip, pooling against his pubic hair. He hasn’t even crested his peak yet but his cock acts like it’s crossed the finish line already as it bobs in the air, searching for stimulation. He ruined his own orgasm by chasing rather than receiving, by being selfish in your touch. He sobs against you, shame bubbling in his chest while his cum leaks out of him pathetically. He buries his face in his hands, unable to stop crying.
Emotions run high as you soothe him, still holding him tightly in your embrace. You gently reach up to his hands, threading your fingers in his, waiting for his breathing to slow down a bit more.
“It’s okay, Minnie,” you murmur, planting soft kisses on the back of his neck. “I’ve got you.”
“This fucking sucks so bad!” Seungmin tries to wrench out of your grasp, but you hold him firmly against you.
“Hang on, Min. Give yourself a moment.”
“I already came! It was fucking pathetic!” He throws his head back against your shoulder, covering his eyes with his hand. “It just…leaked out of me, I didn’t even cum, but I sort of did? Who the fuck does that!”
You hush him, rocking him back and forth while he struggles with the sickly wave of feeling. After a few moments, he’s silent.
“Min?”
He hums in response, lost in his own downward spiral of sticky shame.
“Sweetie, your cock is still hard.”
His head perks up in confusion. He looks down at his cock to still find it standing tall, flushed and throbbing.
“Oh…”
“Do you want me to continue?”
“Y-yes…” he says in a small voice.
You gingerly take his cock in your hand, gauging his reactions. He hisses at the sensation, extra sensitive but not in the painful kind of way. He moans as you stroke over him carefully.
“Fuck, that feels so good, Noona,” he turns his head towards you, looking into your eyes. He furrows his brow, his eyes sparkling as he whimpers.
“See? Your body is so good for me. It still wants you to feel good while also listening to the rules,” you murmur against his lips.
He nods, eyes fluttering shut as your hand picks up speed. This time, the feeling is more than just in his cock, it’s spreading warmth throughout his whole abdomen. His heart flutters in the safety of your grasp as you pump him in your hand. His heart racing as he feels his balls tighten, wanting to burst forth. The edge approaches much faster this time, a wave of pleasure rocketing through his body.
“N-noona….” he whines, his jaw slack. “Can I cum, please?”
You lean down to capture his lips as he groans into your mouth, tongues entangled as your hand keeps its momentum on his cock. He arches his back against you again, hips lifted off the bed.
“Yes, Minnie, cum for me!” you say.
His cock started pulsing before the words were even fully out of your mouth. Thick ropes spill out of him as he cries out, his muscles spasming after the last few hours of teasing. You hold him up as his back arches off of the bed completely, pumping him through his orgasm. Your hand keeps moving as his body starts to writhe from the overstimulation. The pain and pleasure jolts through him as he screams from your touch, cheeks red, and tears streaming down his face. Eventually, you catch him as he collapses against you, all the pent up energy spent in the matter of one moment. Seungmin is covered in a fine sheen of sweat, his chest heaving as he takes a deep breath in, forgetting that his lungs need air.
Contentment washes over him as you caress over his heated skin, pressing kisses against his temple.
“That was amazing, Min,” you murmur against his ear.
He hums in response, exhausted.
You shift gently as you get up to grab a wet washcloth to clean the two of you up. His hands find your body, holding you in his tired grasp, as you gently rub the cloth against his skin. Aftercare is one of the best parts of any sort of night you have together, the affection is overwhelming as it floods the room. You build up a sense of safety again, emotionally and physically, with one another.
You join him in bed again with some water nearby as he pulls you into an embrace. Your lips meet in a languid kiss, both of you too fucked out to lift your heads.
“Seungmin, I have a question for you,” you say, voice gravelly from the night’s activities.
“Anything,” he replies.
You shift to a sitting position, looking him deep in the eyes.
“Why Hootie and the Blowfish?”
#skz smut#stray kids smut#seungmin x reader#seungmin smut#smut requests#request#not proofread#if you notice any mistakes... mind your business
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Since I started at my current job I’ve had this fantasy that I would slowly get close to a mariner via emails and phone calls and then we would plan to meet up when they are on leave and we start dating and fall in love and they keep sailing and I hold down the fort at home with our two lab/pit mixes in a little country town not far from a small city in New England.
#and I am this close to getting to the meeting in person part#but I just need them to accept my ig follow request#even if we meet up and are just friends that would still be cool I just need a little win right now
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#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much#it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with#i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown#friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any#close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it#would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely#i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with#other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too!#it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes#it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know#like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk#to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that#i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that#it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have#more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i#don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so#they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine#wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine#and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom#which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn#anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed#i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight#shut up hanna
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#so for about a year now i have this story in my head#where gurlie 1 just needs to sorta flee her life (bc escaping is awlays a major theme in anything creative i do apparently) so she moves#to the countryside where her late aunt left her a pretty old mansion and a ton of money bc they were very close n stuff#and gurlie really only wants to chill there figure her life out write a book or sth#doesn't really care that the house is old and needs a little fixing#but#then#she meets gurlie 2 who is like an professional fixer-upper for houses (i don't even know if that's a job-)#like a person who professionally renovates houses (i guess the word is interior designer)#and gurlie 2 has been sort of taking care of the house bc it's pretty and she hated to see it fall apart#so she started illegally renovating the house whenever she had time#and they meet obv and it's quite funny bc one day they are hearing noises from other rooms in the house and both wonder where they're from#(i am making this part up on the spot rn)#but they are basically just hearing each other sort of walking in circles through the house but never actually meeting#the house is just too damn big#but eventually they meet of course and they are cool with each other and get closer and become friends#and eventually lovers#and they fix the house together while the romance builds up#and their personal issues too (which i don't know yet but i guess gurlie 1 had a bad breakup with her bf or sth)#and they lived happily ever after in their huge ass pretty house in the countryside and lots of the dead aunts money#and stable jobs#yey#so i have this story and i probably should write a book or a really long song but i also should be studying right now so what can i say-#random starchild noises
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#so yesterday I learned that i got invited to my partner's ex's baby shower and that shit feels so fucking messy#it is a bit weird they're still friends with their ex but they started out as friends and they're really close to her family so i get it#and they all know about me and her ex's mom even invited me on a ski trip so i feel really welcomed but it definitely feels messy#although im really glad that wasnt the first time i meet a bunch of people close to my partner because that shit seems overwhelming as fuck#i know it's gonna happen and i do want it to happen but fuck that shit is so scary#ive never had to do the whole meet your partner's family/loved ones before and i am nervous as fuck#though my girlfriend ended up meeting my mom and step dad like 2 months into dating so i guess meeting her people 4 months in is pretty fair#idk i think im just nervous im gonna fuck something up or they're gonna hate me#and then there's that added layer of it being their ex and her family#but im very secure in my relationship and i know there's nothing going on between them anymore and im not even worried about#it just feels weird to meet the person your partner loved before you and be worried about their opinion of you#because it does matter to me#i want them all to like to me or at the very least not dislike me#and honestly i think the only part that really concerns me is that the person who's basically a second mom to my partner is also her exs mom#like im essentially replacing her daughter#and i know that's probably not fair or even how she thinks of me and it's probably just my anxiety because she seems like a wonderful person#but it feels like i already have a strike against me#idk i think im just hormonal and insecure and tired and im definitely making this into something it shouldn't be#im just terrified of fucking this up because i love & care about my girlfriend so fucking much & i dont want the people she loves to hate me#i dont ever want to put her in a position where they feel like they have to choose between me and her found family#anyway this ended up spiraling lol#but honestly my relationship is going really well and im very happy with my incredible partner and she's truly my favorite person#they are so kind and considerate and funny and smart and truly one of the best people ive ever met#i feel so safe and loved and i am so happy to have her in my life#im just so used to people leaving me and having all the good things in my life end up crashing and burning down around me#and im so scared that's gonna happen#and honestly it might#i just really hope it doesn't because my life is so so so much better with them in it#personal
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It’s time again for my brain to do that thing where it starts to collapse because it can’t sort out its feelingsss yaaaaaay!!!❤️
#it’s doing that thing where I meat somebody and I start to like them but then I get worried bc what about the person I’ve likes for years#that I’ve never made a real move on because we have very different lives in very different parts of the world#but then I meet this new person and start to fall for them and it takes one instance of embarrassing myself to realize and I start to have#a mental breakdown bc what do I do without hurting the other person bc I love them both so much and couldn’t bear to see either of them ups#t with me#I need to be up in a few hours and I haven’t gotten any sleep#I’ve gotten advice that I shouldn’t be worried about the embarasskng moment at least but it’s not helping my overall problem now#I hate having feelings I hate liking people I hate the prospect of being likes back because I get perceived and noticed and known#and what if they don’t like what they come to know#sorry I’m just hoping dropping this somewhere will ease my mind a bit#thoughts#HAHAHA I SAID MEAT SOMEBODY INSTEAD OF MEET#it is almost 6 am I am getting close to 24 hours of no sleep
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superfan! yandere boy x gn! popstar reader
✰ warnings: stalking, obsessiveness, breaking and entering, nsfw, masochist yandere, overstimulation, thigh riding, bondage, male masturbation, unhealthy behavior, average yandere tendencies, male yandere oc (he’s very pathetic and perverted, it’s giving “step on me” energy.) gender neutral reader
✰ a/n: heyyyyy guess who isn’t dead.. i literally open tumblr every 3 minutes i just haven’t been posting. but i’m hereeeee lol. here’s a random yandere oc post, sorry it’s not mortal kombat. (tbh i have faded away from my mk obsession and now i am obsessed with until dawn, the quarry, tlou, and rdr.)
part two here!
superfan! yandere boy that buys all of your merchandise and streams your music on loop 24/7. even while he sleeps.
superfan! yandere boy that commissions artists to draw you and him together in different styles. some of them may depict him on a cute date with you, and some are more explicit and depict you stepping on him or choking him.
superfan! yandere boy that sneaks into your concerts if he didn’t manage to buy a ticket. no matter how strong your security is, he will always manage to find a way in and pretend he's just a regular fan.
superfan! yandere boy that will even sneak onto your house and film you through your window for hours, and then he would go home and touch himself to the footage of you.
superfan! yandere boy that wants to buy meet-and-greet tickets to see you, and be able to feel your presence up close and be able to speak to you personally. but as much as he craves your attention, he knows he wouldn't be able to handle it and would crumble immediately the second you look him in the eyes.
superfan! yandere boy that pays people to stalk you and take pictures of you when he can't do it himself. especially ones when you have a wardrobe malfunction.
superfan! yandere boy that goes to sleep every night fantasizing and dreaming of you. his particular favorite wet dream is of you letting him ride your thigh, grinding against your skin as a desperate attempt to feel any friction on his cock. your hands would roam around his body as he relishes in your attention, no matter where you touch him. any small nudge or brush against his skin would set his heart on fire and oh no where'd his pants go-
superfan! yandere boy that thinks you could do no wrong. you said something offensive and got yourself cancelled? he is your number one defender and would be threatening your naysayers on the internet. he would even go as far as to learn to hack just so he could delete their accounts.
superfan! yandere boy that almost WANTS to get caught. he knows he wouldn't be able to handle your attention, so he avoids it, but a part of him wants to get caught and outed for his perverted, stalker ways. he wants to hear you cuss him out and degrade him. he wants to see the disgusted look on your face as he is exposed for everything he did. spit on him, kick him, treat him like vermin, he doesn't mind. he gets off on the thought of you punishing him. he has a particular fantasy where your punishment for him is by tying him up and overstimulating him until he is crying, whimpering, and almost fainting. but he would still beg for more. no matter how long it lasts. it could be a week long and he still wouldn't be satisfied.
#yandere x reader#sub yandere#male yandere#gn reader#dom reader#yandere oc#yandere x you#soft yandere#yandere imagines#yandere x darling#yan oc#yan x reader#male yandere x reader#top reader#sub character#yandere requests#yandere#x reader#oc x reader#yandere smut#yandere oneshot#masochist yandere#yandere headcanons#yandere insert#yandere boys x popstar reader
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Part Four
Can't stop thinking about reader losing her cool.
"So we're closed, John." You said, trying to be cordial.
"Is that all you have to fucking say?" He practically growled before huffing. A humorless chuckle rumbling out of his chest. "I suppose not since you won't respond to any of us."
"Don't do that." You said taking a step back. Trying to create some distance between you and him. John would never physically hurt you. That much you knew.
"What?" He asked. His voice rising as he stepped closer to you. "Be angry that you pulled that shit and then left? Stopped talking to us. Changed your fucking locks. Last thing we even knew about you was that you got on a fucking plane and left. Even your friends wouldn't tell us anything besides that you were okay." "Which considering this came out of bloody nowhere, I find it highly unlikely that you are in any way 'okay'."
You took a deep breath. You wouldn't be intimidated. You wouldn't clam up. You wouldn't cry. You won't go back on your decision. You will be cordial and polite and not unleash everything you want to.
"I understand you might be upset, but it's for the best. It wasn't working out and I wanted to end on somewhat good terms. I would appreciate it if you lowered your voice and stopped speaking to me in that way." You could barely recognize your voice. It sounded so scripted. So robotic. But it was something you had been telling yourself. Excuses you had been telling yourself.
Because if you told yourself the truth. The picture you would paint would tell a different story. It wouldn't highlight the fact that John spoke to you like he was one of your men or that Johnny had the emotional capacity of a teaspoon. It wouldn't show what a flake Kyle was or that Simon was well and truly a mean-spirited person.
It would show how you weren't worth it. Four possible men. Four possibilities of happily ever after and none of them chose you. That no one ever did and no one ever would. You weren't worth it. You weren't loveable.
It wasn't right, but it was what the voices had been telling you late in the night. When you would crawl into your cold bed. The silence of the room not filled with John's steady breathing or the sound of Kyle's heartbeat as you laid you head on his chest. The absence of Johnny's occasional snoring or whatever Simon was watching playing in the background of your dreams.
In the void, all your dark thoughts came back at you.
"Upset?" He asked, his voice still louder than you would have liked. "An understatement considering the stunt you pulled."
"You think it was a stunt?"
"So Johnny thought with his dick and didn't plan things out. You should have told him instead of crying to Simon and then pulling this shit." "Christ, I knew you were still young, but I didn't take you for that immature."
"You know what?" "I'm done." "I am so fucking sick of making excuses for you all." "You want to act like I'm the immature one, John?" "You are 35-year-old man who cannot separate his work from his work like. You have continuously talked to and down to me like I am one of your men, only to turn around and always blame your shitty fucking attitude on work. I get that your job is stressful, but I did not sign up to be your verbal fucking punching bag."
"And this come and fucking go incident with Johnny. It has been a consistent issue with him coming over just to fuck. I've asked him for that last six months that 'hey, we've been seeing each other for a year and a half, I would love to meet your family' and suddenly the dates stop. He doesn't ask to see me until after 7 PM. He brings food occasionally, fucks me and leaves. Sometimes before I even wake up."
"And the only reason Kyle is the person I am the least pissed off with is because I haven't even seen him." You took a step closer, not noticing how the anger in John's eyes had softened. "I have not seen Kyle in weeks, to no fault of my own. I stopped reaching out to make dinner plans after the third time he canceled on a date night when I was either on my way or already at the restaurant."
"And Simon?" You scoffed. "Well, it doesn't really matter. After all, as he said I get mine. You all make me cum which is supposed to magically erase how shitty you've all been as partners. It's supposed to erase the nights I've cried myself to sleep debating on whether or not there was something wrong with me. How I'm not good enough to meet anyone else in your lives like some dirty fucking secret. How none of you can even bother to pencil me for a group dinner so I can tell you a publishing house picked up my book. How at some point you all stopped caring or maybe never did."
You took a breath. Blinking quickly to keep the tears at bay.
You wouldn't cry. You wouldn't cry.
"As Simon said it best, I should have known that spreading my legs wouldn’t end with one of you putting a ring on your finger.”
For once, John was silent. Unsure of what to say. An apology starting to form at the tip of his tongue before realizing 'sorry' wouldn't cut it. Not this time.
Had he really been that sharp with you? He knew that there were times he had gotten short, but he almost always apologized immediately after. If not at the very moment he took in your crest-fallen face, then definitely later. But he almost always told you he was sorry. Didn't he?
"So as I said," you swallowed down the lump in your throat. "I'm closed. We're done. Now get out." Your face held no sadness. Even though your eyes were nearly full to the brim with unshed tears, you weren't sad.
You were finally angry.
#captain john price#kyle gaz garrick#simon ghost riley#call of duty#john soap mactavish#angst#angst with a happy ending
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I love having an identity crisis again/s. I am fully aware it’s cause I never concluded the last one but I kinda thought it would just go away.
#this is my aromantic arc lol#I can’t decide if I’m greyromantic or depressed#I’ve only ever had one crush naturally#everything else I’ve called a crush was me saying I want a crush and then obsessing over a person#that only happened like once and a half tho#(the half is a fictional character from when I was 11 we don’t talk about it)#the thing is I love the idea of being in love#I want it so much#it just never comes to me#but like I also never go outside and meet new people so maybe I’m just sheltered?#I also know id be just as happy to live out my life with a close friend instead of a traditional partner#don’t even get me started on my gender I am solely cis out of laziness and complete apathy#figuring out my sexuality was easy compared to this#that’s another part of the aro story I can’t figure out#I am very much sexually attracted to many people#I mean within the limits of my lesbianism#I just feel like all i see are arospec people who are also some sort of ace
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personal observations made by a new cane user:
you do not need to be in constant pain to own a cane.
folding canes have a clasp or band to keep them folded. losing the band is a pain in the ass.
you will get dirty looks
it does not matter what age you are. you will get dirty looks.
you have to hold it in the opposite hand as the disabled leg. this is fortunate, as I am right handed, so i hold it in my left hand to support my right leg.
people will try to steal your cane from you.
when standing still, I hold it in my right hand unless i need to do something right handedly. this does not work as well as i thought it would.
being visibly physically disabled is difficult. having a mobility aid will help with pain and movement, but some people don't get them because visible disability is treated with disgust.
if someone meets you for the first time, and you don't have your cane, then they will like you more, but they will not believe you are actually disabled.
if someone meets you for the first time, and you have your cane, they will not treat you the same.
the majority of other cane and mobility aid users I have met are homeless. I live close to a big city.
People do not want to see you being disabled.
you will not hear of the benefits of using a cane from anyone who does not use a cane.
no one will prepare you for the world of being visibly physically disabled. however bad you think we have it is usually not from the disability at all. I can deal with pain and I can deal with an indisposed left hand.
the hardest part of being disabled is the fact that no one will care until you make them care.
the disabled seats on trains are a suggestion
the disabled seats on buses are a suggestion.
you will have a different experience with using a cane than I have had.
your hand will become tired. you are using it as a leg.
your cane is legally a part of your body. this will not stop some people.
you are not your disability. but it will affect you.
i love you
theres always an invisible someone who has it worse. that person will not be affected or offended by your use of a cane. take the damn ibuprofen. put the folded cane in your bag. ask your friends for help. gd knows they need help sometimes too.
you will have to learn that things will be impossible to you. you may not run as fast anymore. you may not become a skater, like you always wanted to be. you may be left behind when everyone else runs ahead.
you deserve better.
your cane handle gets dirty. wash it.
some days pain is worse. some days you will feel it the moment you wake up.
no one deserves pain. the human condition is not to suffer. we deserve better. we deserve to be loved and not tolerated. we deserve to be seen better than from the corners of eyes. we deserve to be heard better than an afterthought at a meeting.
be quick to care for yourself. I love you.
#disability#if you clown on this i will kill you with my teeth.#personal#disabled#cane user#mobility aid#physical disability#this is about physical disability do not derail. i understand that mental disability is treated badly as well. this post isnt about that.#this post is also not about invisible disabilities because i have a very visible disability.#please be patient with me. i am young and new to the use of canes. most of these revelations are shockingly new.
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