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#also will be starting school literally tomorrow but
unreleasedwrites · 17 hours
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Caught You, Again
“You’re eyes seem to be wandering yet again, and your cheeks are redder than rubies.. You just never get tired of me, do you?
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summary: You and Gun have been in the same class since the eight grade, and you developed a little crush on him that same year. Once the ninth grade started and you two had been paired as seat mates, you started to drop subtle hints here and there with the idea of your little crush on him for the past two years. Gun notices this and takes it as an opportunity to constantly tease you about it jokingly— until, he was no longer joking, and made a move by asking you out which then ended with you becoming his first and last girlfriend, because he made you into his first and forever wife. Yet, he never fails to see you in the not so hidden act of admiring him, which has him calling you a “simp,” and he continues to tease you for it.
character(s) included: Park Jonggun x fem!reader
cw: fluff, teasing, playful and flirtatious gun, gun is nice, swearing, use of Y/N, mentions of physical fights gun gets into, mentions of blood/bleeding/bruises, couple nicknames, kissing, established relationship, idk much about weddings, VERY SUGGESTIVE TOWARDS THE END!! this is really long tbh 😭😭
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unwrapped on: Saturday Night, December 03 2023
wrapped up on: Sunday Evening, April 28 2024
published on: Sunday Evening, April 28 2024
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“Need something?” Your seat mate suddenly questioned you as he shrugged a brow at you, who was blankly staring at him, obviously lost in your thoughts.
“O-uh— No!” You quickly replied and zoned back into reality, “Sorry, I was just thinking, I didn’t notice tha-” You added before he cut you off and said,
“If you like me, you could just say so’ You wouldn’t be the first girl to confess to me this school year.”
“Wha-! Talk about confident, also it’s literally the second week of the ninth grade..” You scoffed, a little nervous considering you have liked him since the eight grade so he technically wasn’t wrong.
“That isn’t a no~” He replied with a tint of his usual smirk.
“Wel-” You tried to speak right before he interrupted you once more “Enough with the excuses already, it’s boring.”
“Well?” He added and you responded with, “Well.. What I was trying to sa-” Ding, Ding, Ding— You were interrupted once again, but this time, by the bell. And it was now lunch time, so you two went your separate ways.
That was one of the occasional conversations you had with Gun, it just so happens that you two have been paired as seatmates since the eight grade and therefore, had to have spoken to one another atleast a number of times by now. They were just meaningless and short interactions that was just another way to kill time for him, yet those little conversations and interactions meant the world to you.
Fast forward into the school year and currently, it’s almost the fourth month of school— all of your classmates along with the new/transfer students have gotten to know each other, and it just so happens that you and Gun have started to talk more aswell. From little “Hey, about the homework-”, “Since were the next pair who’ll discuss, how about we-”, and “Could I borrow an extra pen, if you’ve got one?” To “What did you get for this number..?”, “Let’s hang out at my place, we could also plan our discussion for english tomorrow.”, which also turned to him simply grabbing things out of your bag when he pleases.
The formal little questions he’d usually ask you were starting to turn casual and friendly, not only his words but his tone is shifting as well.
You never thought you’d be invited to his place so casually and he’d lend you his jacket whenever you two are hanging out. Although, he insists you keep all of them since he loves the way it looks on you. It was weird. It was all so weird. So many girls like him, he’s constantly got girls dreaming to be around him as much as you get to be. Now, if you think about it— you never actually see ANY girls approaching him or hanging around him at all, aside from you, that is. People are constantly telling you about how you two must be dating, well you aren’t, but he’s never actually denied it either. He continues to tease you almost everyday and it just has you falling for him even more.
“Y/N?” Gun suddenly called out to you while you were walking out of the classroom to go home.
“Hm?”
“Dinner, just you and me. This Friday at 7 o’clock, how’s that sound?”
“Wait, what?” You rose a brow at his sudden invitation, “What do you mean, by dinner with just you and me?” You briefly added.
“A dinner date, with just the two of us.”
“That was a little, out of nowhere.. Don’t you think?”
“..Yeah.” He responded, “My bad. Maybe it was a little too soon, never mind about what I sai-” He added before you cut him off, “Wai- wait! it wasn’t too soon at all! Sorry, I was just taken a back— since I really wasn’t expecting this from you.” You said, visibly happy.
“Well then..?” He nervously asked and you responded with, “Are you kidding? That’s all I’ve ever wanted!! I’d love to, Gun.” It was evident just how excited you were. Suddenly all bubbly and red in the cheeks, Gun found that to so adorable. “I wasn’t expecting such enthusiasm from you,” Gun said as he laughed, “You’re probably in love with me, aren’t you?” to which you replied, “You asked, I answered! And would you have wanted a no for an answer?” “A no from the girl who’s head over heals in love with me? I highly doubted that response.”
Gun might’ve said those words so casually and care free but he really was surprised with how quick it took for you to say yes. Throughout the course of your friendship, it did become obvious that the two of you do like each other. But it was much more evident on your side, with how much people knew you like Gun and how you spoke about him and how you were whenever you were with him, versus how you were when you were with some other boys that were rumored to like you. Of course, Gun was slightly taken aback when he learned about all this— how could someone like you, a beautiful and simple sweet heart who doesn’t even like contact with people or going out that much, like him, a guy whose name is insanely problematic and all the rumors spreading about him are mostly true and have something to do with his violent side and the things he does outside of school, a guy who people quite literally fear.
But Gun didn’t really like thinking about any of that. All that mattered to him was how you felt and the adorable reactions that come out of you whenever he teases you about apparently liking him so much.
A few months passed since your first date and the two of you started dating after a while, even more time has passed since then because you two were now in your final year of high school. Despite going further into your friendship to turn it into a relationship, nothing much has really changed.
You guys were at your place this one time and you begged him to do skin care with you. He was reluctant at first but with your puppy dog eyes and some touchy convincing, he finally agreed.
“Stay Still!!” You scolded your boyfriend who kept moving when you were trying to apply a full mask onto his face.
“How am I supposed to? It’s so wet and slimy, kinda reminds me of something..” Gun replied.
“Oh shut it, I finally finished applying it, now we have matching masks on!! Come look at the mirror!” You exclaimed, “Tada~!”
He looked at the mirror blankly and slowly turned to you, who was overflowing with joy.
“Awh, don’t you like it?”
“It’s.. something, that’s for sure..”
You looked at Gun with your usual pout, to which he caved in and finally went along with the whole thing, saying it’s not that bad.
“Hehe, my baby looks so handsome, just as he always does~” You said as you admired Gun while squeezing his cheeks.
“You’re such a simp, you know that, right? Gun said, slightly muffled as he looked down at you with his usual smirk.
“Hmph! If you don’t want my love then you could just say so!” You said as you let go off his cheeks and crossed your arms with a grouchier pout on your face.
“Baby, there’s no need to be a brat.” He then grabbed your chin to kiss your lips (you were tiptoe-ing). Gun always knew how to deal with the unpredictable pace of your mood, given how you can go from absolutely simping over him to a pouting girl who doesn’t wanna talk about it at all with him.
“Your eyes sure as hell love to wander, dont they?” Gun teased. You went all pouty again so he coated you in some more kisses to make up for the teasing about you being a complete simp.
Those were the moments that ultimately led to the situation you’re currently in. Beneath the sunset in your favorite place, dressed in an astonishing wedding dress, paired with an elegant pair of heels, just the right amount of steepness for you to walk in, given your veil and dress that was trailing on your back. Holding an extravagant boquet with all of your favorite flowers wrapped in such delicate material.
It was all so ethereal. Gun, your soon to be husband hasn’t seen you. You were queued to walk down the aisle so very soon, which had you shaking in both excitement and fear. It’s finally the day you’ve been waiting for so very long. You knew you really liked Gun the moment you two became closer, yet you’re still stuck in the point where you were admiring him from technically— not afar because he was right beside you the entire time. But still, you were just an admirer in awe. And now you have the same last name as him and do tons of things together— cooking? hell yes, shopping? without a doubt. hopping in the shower and bathtub together? you don’t even notice him coming in until you feel a strong pair of arms wrap around you and start to wander across your body.
Another thing is that Gun may seem like a “cold” or reserved person on the outside, but he really does care about people that matters to him and knows how to observe. One of the things he observed about your “infatuation” with him was how you looked at him. He really saw right through the eyes you looked at him with— they only expressed one thing. That one thing was actual love, and it was not at all short-lived as people say what infatuation is.
It truly surprised him to see how your eyes never got gloomy or even got tired of looking at him that way even when time passed.
If anything, they became brighter and loving with every moment that passed with you looking at Gun’s dark eyes, wondering why he would ever want to have anything to do with a girl who’s had a huge crush on him for so very long.
He realized just how much importance those little details hold. As they say, the eyes don’t lie. And he sure as hell was able to experience that for himself.
He may not have wanted to admit it at first, but he slowly fell for you, in the way where you fell first but he fell harder. His entire mood and demeanor would change the exact moment that you’re around him. He could be beating up people and see that you’ve come to check up on him because he specifically told you that he was just going out to get something from Goo, but ended up taking way too long— hence, why you went to find him. He changed in an instant. Leaving behind the scene and making sure you won’t have to worry your pretty little head about it. And according to Goo, the way he talks about you is just “agitating”— which pretty much translates to “amazing” in your vocabulary, given that Goo doesn’t care about these types of things.
You’ve heard from various of his friends that he really does love you, because he doesn’t prolong any of his fights due to the very fact that he wants to make sure that he can get home to you asap. Especially when it’s late at night, he knows you like to sleep but he wants to be the one to tuck you in and cuddle and place gentle kisses on you to sleep. So even though he loves fighting worthy opponents that gets him turned on, no one can top you— he just loves that matching pj’s set that you tend to wear, with the small pink lace ribbons and the silk fabric, the short and small shorts with the sleeveless top.
Gun told you all about what he does for Charles Choi when he fully trusted you and you guys were already dating, and he didn’t expect you to stay. He was scared to tell you with there being a big chance that you’d freak out and leave him, call the cops, and do other things he wouldn’t have ever wanted you of all people to do to him.
Despite all of his fears and bad expectations of what you might do when you learn of the “bad” side of his, he still has you and always will. He really cant believe that you stayed after everything and still look at him the exact same way you did when you first met him. You somehow still retained the same feelings and love you have for him despite everything— and he is insanely in love with you for that. He loves teasing you about it though.
Going back to the present situation you’re in, you were now walking down the aisle as Gun absolutely stared at you in awe. Enthralled by how amazing you looked in white and how such a gorgeous woman was walking down the aisle to meet eye to eye with him and to hold him hand in hand.
The ceremony was breathtakingly beautiful, flowers of all sorts were surrounding the venue with just the right amount of lights that have been set upon with candles and dim lighting. The details in fabrics, decorations, covers, and even the architecture of the venue was simply incredible.
All of this “extraness” as Gun would call it, was for you. Gun wasn’t the type of person to have such a big wedding despite the small number in guests, but he knew you loved all of the things he had made to be included for the special day.
And even though Gun was relatively smart with his money, he was more than willing to go all out on this short event.
After all the agreements and words that the officiator had asked the two of you, you guys finally reached the most important part of the day, the one you have been dreaming of for who knows how long.
The officiator spoke once again, “Do you, Y/N, take Park Jonggun to be your lawfully wedded husband— To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself unto him for as long as you both shall live?”
You looked deeply into Gun’s eyes, “I do.”
The officiator turned over to Gun, “Park Jonggun, do you take this woman to be your wife— to live together in holy matrimony, to love her, to honor her, to comfort her, and to keep her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?
Gun held eye contact with you with a subtle yet sincere smile, “I do.”
He then carefully placed the beautiful ring on your finger, which was followed with you doing the same with his. Just after that was the unity ceremony which was such a bliss.
Of course, once that had passed, came the pronouncement— After more words and hundreds more that you didn’t pay much mind to, the officiator finally looked at the two of you deeply and stated, “I now pronounce you as husband and wife. You may kiss the bride!”
And so you guys did kiss, for a pretty long time— With Gun’s hands placed on your waist and one of your hands on his shoulder, and the other nestled against his face. The crowd cheered for the two of you as it all happened.
It was all so, so, so, incredibly divine.
Once the ceremony has ended and the after party was finally about to begin, you kept chatting with the guests, more particularly your closest friends who were also your bridesmaids. It genuinely made them wonder how you could be so in love with someone. The way you talked about him was absolutely adorable considering they’ve met Gun before, and think of him as the luckiest guy on earth, and you as the blindest girl.
And despite not knowing many of Gun’s friends that he invited, they were still so kind to chat with you. They told Gun when he came by that he really was one hell of a lucky guy to have someone so head over heals for him. To which he only agreed with them before he went to attend to the other guests.
“I don’t understand how you could like him so much, he’s garbage..” Goo said as the other guys were talking amongst themselves at the same table you and Goo were at.
“Maybe to you he is— but he is just the sweetest to me, and he’s hot as hell too.” You replied, obviously lost in your thoughts, imagining Gun once again.
“Woman, what the hell do you see in him for him to be considered as sweet? Do you have any idea how much people he’s arranged the organs of?” Goo questioned.
“Oh please, how much have you?”
“Hey. I don’t like getting my hands dirty as much as Gun does.”
“Rightttt..”
Goo came closer to you and whispered in your ear, “Did you know that Gun has liked you before you even attended the same school together..?”
“..What?”
“Yup. You may have been led to believe that you were the first to like him all these years, but he’s just never told you that he’s actually a creepy stalker deep down.”
“You’re bluffing.”
“Nope! And you could figure it out for yourself!” Goo exclaimed.
“Oh please! If he hasn’t told me all this time then he wont tell me now, why don’t you just tell me more about it?”
“Fine, buttt! You can’t tell Gum or even give him hints that I was the one to tell you all this, alright?”
“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t do that,” you replied.
“Alright-y then! I’m guessing you know Gun as someone you became classmates with in the eight grade, and became friends with in the ninth. Butttt, he actually first heard of you in the seventh grade, and although he wasn’t in your school that time, he transferred the next year so that you two could be classmates. He first saw you walking out of that school and he told me all about how pretty you were and how he’d like to be friends with you,” Goo explained.
“I can’t tell if you’re telling the truth or not..”
“It doesn’t matter what you believe, just know that I am telling you the truth and it’s up to you to take it or not.” He said with a smile spread across his face.
Like all things, the wedding eventually came to an end, it may have been short-lived but it was truly memorable. Of course, what comes after the wedding is the honeymoon.
You guys went on a trip to somewhere tropical for your honeymoon, which resulted in Gun wearing almost nothing most of the time, and if he was wearing something, it’d be boxers or swim trunks, or a more formal outfit that just looked sooooo good on him.
There was this one instance where you guys were about to go to bed, and Gun would usually have on some loose pants or shorts, but this time.. He was wearing absolutely nothing, not even boxers or briefs of some sort. He casually walked over to your shared bed while you stared at him.
“Need something, babe?” Gun asked he tucked himself into the blanket you were also tucked in, but you were both still sitting up.
“Well.. No, but um…” You replied nervously, obviously pent up from the view you had right in front of you.
Gun looks at your eyes then down to his naked body (and mind you, you were wearing a cute yet small and slightly revealing matching- sleepwear set), “Hm? You’ve seen me naked countless times before, and it’s not like you’re a virgin.” He teased as he brushed some of your hair to the side.
“Yeah b-but..” You managed to utter as you were still straight up staring at his body, fresh from the shower.
“But what? Does my wife need help with her words?” Gun teased as he leaned in closer to you and slowly lifted up your top to place his hand on your chest. To which you got very tense and nervous.
I’m sure you already know what followed in the next moments..
But moving forward with a few more days that passed, Gun caught you staring— maybe even admiring one of the pictures that you took together recently, specifically zoomed in on him. You hadn’t realized or even noticed his presence so you were just looking at the picture like some teenage girl, obviously crushing on him.. As if you didn’t just get married to him to him last week.
You were cheekily smiling at the picture, even giggling to yourself at some point when you swiped through some of the other pictures of him and you. You just loved him so bad, that even though you had him right with you, you still resorted to pictures. Gun thought that was adorable. The woman he fell in love with, sat on a chair facing away from where he was sneakily stood at, was swiping away at pictures of him when you didn’t even know that you had him wrapped around your finger.
“What’s my dear wife up to this evening?” He spoke out of nowhere, suddenly startling you. This caused you to have the phone slip out of your hands, but he swiftly caught it and took a closer look at the photos you were staring at.
“What are you doing with pictures that you can’t already to with the real deal right beside you?” He asked as you got increasingly nervous by the seconds passed and you were starting to fidget.
“I was just looking at what photos I wanted to keep.. And what I didn’t want to keep, y’know what I mean..?” You replied.
“Is that so?”
“Yes, my dear oh dearest husband,” you said mockingly— “Why are you interrogating me?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know? Little miss stalker,” Gun said as he sat on the chair across from you, obviously enjoying himself.
“Stalke—? Oh wait-! That reminds me,” your husband’s brow rose at your sudden statement, “Your close friend, Jonggoo, told me a little something when him and I were talking during the after party.” You added.
“And that is..?” Gun asked, skeptical of what you might’ve learned, knowing Goo very well.
“Well,” you shuffled around as you tilted your head and finally spoke, “Is it true that you only came to the school I go to in the first place because you saw me walking out there one time and.. yeah—?”
“That bastard— But, yeah. That is true.” He said without a change in expression and emotion.
You gave him a teasing smile and a soft “hehe” as you looked at him. For some reason, finding out that was true only seemed to make you fall in love even more.
“Oh hush, I don’t understand how much a person could like someone—” He said and he stood up to lift you into his arms for teasing him.
“Hey! Why are you carrying me?” You suddenly yelped. He dropped you gently on to the bed and he climbed on top of you.
“Woman, it’s not good to start something you can’t finish.”
“Tsk! My nickname is now woman?” You pouted.
“My apologies then, my wife.” He said somewhat mockingly to which you pouted even more, so he finally said it in a more sincere manner and gave you a kiss.
“Well?” He asked you as you were still in the same position, with him on top you.
“Well what?” You clarified while your eyes shamelessly wandered through his body, flustered with the position you were in and the teasing he was doing to you.
“You’re eyes seem to be wandering yet again, and your cheeks are redder than rubies.. You just never get tired of me, do you? Gun said in a teasing tone as he leaned in closer.
This honeymoon sure as hell will be going on for a long time.
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notes: I think ill prolly put out a masterlist and about me post in like a month or two who knows, also this request has been with me for so long 😭 I am so so so sorry to this anon, please forgive me 😵‍💫 Also, I really hope that this wasn’t too bad and can live up to what you were expecting and requesting, I am so sorry if it doesn’t, I really tried 😭 ANDDD I accidentally deleted the actual request because I got a little lost with trying to navigate tumblr because I accidentally clicked the Queue button and yeah.. I don’t think I really proofread this tbh
- With or without proper credits, please don't try to steal or claim any of my works as your own
I genuinely appreciate opinions, feedback, likes, and reblogs
Once again, I hope this isn't too bad for a request, and I'll be doing more characters in lookism so feel free to request!!
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nebuladreamz · 8 months
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i prommy im alive
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[CN] Victor’s Carbon Pen and Glass Bead Event (Day 6)
⌚ This post contains detailed spoilers for content yet to be released on the global server! ⌚
✦ thursday || friday || saturday || sunday || monday || tuesday || wednesday
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【High School Affiliated to Loveland University Second Year (Section 1) Semester Schedule - Tuesday】
✄┈┈┈┈┈┈
[MATH]:
Beginning with the morning self-study session, Old Gao naturally walks into the classroom, naturally hands out an impromptu quiz, and naturally starts grading the papers.
“Where’s Empress Dowager Hu? Has Old Gao ‘usurped the throne’?”
Victor remains as immovable as a mountain. After coming up with a tentative answer to the questions in his heart, he immediately takes out the exercise books for the other subjects–– realizing that if he doesn’t start now, he won’t have any opportunity to write throughout the day.
“Our Vic seems to be working hard. He’s even expanding into other subjects in the morning math study session.”
Old Gao unfolds the exam papers with a bright smile, “Children, your homeroom teacher is on leave today, so you’re all mine.”
“And of course, the evening self-study session also belongs to me.”
[MATH]:
Observing Old Gao’s extraordinarily casual explanation of the complex question and his naturally upturned lips, Victor very cautiously and deliberately marks this question— 
There’s an 80% chance it will appear in the end-of-month exam.
[SPORTS]:
Strange Tales of Loveland High School Five (V):
Upon the completion of the weekly one-kilometer fitness test, the running track would give rise to peculiar species contorted in various poses.
Pale and gasping for air, they would be in desperate need of water. Yet, among them would be rare individuals with handsome and exquisite appearances who would continue to carry themselves with grace.
“Whew, still alive.”
The next second, Victor’s face turns slightly pale. He notices the PE teacher bringing out the sit-and-reach apparatus.
[PHYSICS]:
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After enduring an exceptionally dreadful “knowledge oppression,” Victor decides to broadcast some relaxing content during today’s lunchtime radio session.
In harmony with the melodious Symphony No. 41 in C Major, he begins reading excerpts from the Homeric epics.
[CHEMISTRY]:
“A and B might have an innate tendency to react when brought together, although the time for their reaction differs. C and D will never yield any results no matter how long they’re together, and E needs to be catalyzed to have any connection with F. 
Many things in the world are like this, and in reality, human connections follow the same principle. You require a significant amount of destiny to have that serendipity with someone.”
Hearing the teacher say this, Victor’s mind is filled with a distant silhouette.
[CHINESE]:
“Sir Vic, do you really think the world will end in 2012?”
“What do you think the apocalypse would look like?”
Victor doesn’t say anything. He simply reaches into his desk and takes out a math book in a very natural manner.
Amidst a chorus of agonized groans, that man walks in once again.
If the apocalypse were to happen, it would probably be a day filled with eight consecutive math classes.
[ENGLISH]:
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A comforting listening test.
Brother Ying, in a rare feat, has managed to secure the computer lab,  so he assigns something practical for everyone to do.
[BIOLOGY]:
The power that erupts from silence should not be underestimated. 
— After the teacher’s first burst of anger, the biology class has a 100% attendance rate.
──────
✧ next stop: Wednesday
─────────
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pepi-nillo · 4 months
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i think i've literally exhausted every possible thought to have about beyond evil, because i was just thinking about the man juwon's mom left behind to marry han kihwan. literally someone only mentioned once in passing. is this too far.
i mean, he prolly knows who she married right? do you think he recognizes lee suyeon in han juwon? do you think he changed the channel if the hans popped up in that little tv struggle they had about the case, because it only reminded him of a dead lover from the past? do you think he felt vindicated while seeing the news of hkh's arrest?
maybe this is too much thinking
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kitorin · 16 hours
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I WANNA GET HIS NUMBER
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cheeriochat · 15 days
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Some twst sketches I did yesterday that I said I would postttt
I drew my Yuu in the outfit I would imagine she would wear in the ghost bride event. I totally think their storyline would be: as a last resort crowley would play the "you're stealing my fiance!" card and make them play the upset bride with a runaway fiance. She would crash the wedding (with grim as a flower boy) and try to get their future husband back. Shenanigans would ensue including shock from the others, Idia probably wanting to die from embarrasment and Eliza getting insanely fed up.
By the way my yuus name is Yuukio and he uses the same pronouns as I, but prefers they/them so please if you talk about them use those pronouns! ^^
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justxaxstrayxkid · 1 year
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Small and low quality Mizuchi ft smol baby Yato
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It's been a while. I miss these posts :(
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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months
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#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
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sevicia · 1 month
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I wanted to make a cleaner summary of last week's classes and also review the classes I have this week since the material is already uploaded beforehand but I was feeling so horrible throughout the day that when I sat down I was just gonna look at the ones for tomorrow but I think I'm just gonna go to bed because I just gave my little numbers game a few tries and not even the joy of tribial elementary school-level math games is bringing my brain cells and/or full sentience back
#diary#accessing it through the CMD thing and not just running it from the IDE made me realize a few things about it though so I'll hav#I'll have to maybe jot them down somewhere when I'd normally just be rly excited and try to fix them straight away like I am truly fucked r#I do wanna make an eng version of it sometime soon so I can share it even tho it's literally the simplest little thing. it's fun if you're#an easily amused nerd that loves playing with numbers in a truly useless manner. if that makes sense#also very obviously text-only I am NOT torturing myself with any graphics of ANY kind rn#it closes immediatly as they do and also when it comes to having double/triple digit starting numbers it becomes a lot less fun I think tho#though I haven't used it much with those yet#I still wanna figure out a way of making it better when it comes to 2/3 digit starters. and my original idea included maybe keeping track#keeping track of how many steps you took even between different rounds but I made the simplest version for now. I also think making like a#''this was the least amount of steps possible!'' type thing would be very very cool but that is FAR too big brained for me rn#cause I can figure out how to do the record keeping thing but that last one is like. let's stop talking for a little while.................#oh but adding an actual interface sounds so fun even though I have very little clue on how to do that rn I could probably STOP typing becau#because I can feel my stupid ass self start getting excited about this which will make it so I start working on it instead of going to bed#NO. DOWN !!!!!!!!!!!!!! auhgh............ oh man I had a lame joke to make but I completely forgot what it was#I have coding class tomorrow in which I normally just do the exercises as fast as possible before playing around but the only Python editor#I could find installed on the school computers was Visual Studio Code and I have no clue how to use that shit like I don't need so many#so many buttons. probz. OKAY GOODNIGHT
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fruixtii · 9 months
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fruity!! i'm glad to see you back, i've been missing you from my dash
AAAAA HEY I MISSED YOU TOO 🫶🫶🫶 but yeah im back!! (and alive and well)
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bangcakes · 1 month
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impostorsshow · 2 months
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I love going on Tumblr because I can't sleep hoping to get cheered up by the fandom blogs I follow and then having to clear out my following tab because my feed is nothing but "the world is ending everyone is horrible DNI list donate to the 50th person that can't afford rent".
I fully understand even making this post is hypocritical but I don't have the energy to fight with my phone constantly crashing to draw a doodle to justify the post otherwise I just wish I could find a blog that doesn't appear to be a normal art blog only to suddenly find myself overrun with depressing reblogs. Why do people actively look for and repost depressing things on the internet aren't most people nowadays complaining about being overstressed. Maybe don't search out sources of stress m8 that's the main reason I don't use Twitter or Instagram like cmon man anyway. Uh feel free to send an ask if you want me to draw something, don't reblog this post to say it because that would mean you just did not fuckin have reading comprehension at all
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jello-anthem · 4 months
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What do I do where do I start
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beauceronn · 4 months
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Me: be patient
Also me: *refreshing my email every 20 minutes*
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polaraffect · 5 months
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#damien.txt#so listen. i've been kind of fucking depressed for the past 3 months ish#and im going to tell a story related to that in the tags so. if u continue to read. judgement free zone for me pls okay?#cool cool so im like. Really bad abt taking care of my self & my surroundings when im depressed#esp bc like. im in school & work so. literally ALL of my energy goes to those two things#and i will go. weeks upon weeks not cleaning my room#not throwing out trash. which i am AWARE is gross. but truly i would get home and pass tf out and then wake up and#start the day again. like i just truly was not engaging it in any way#anyways. so there's this library book that's been sitting on my nightstand for around a month ish#and ive also been using it as a place for other nightstand things- putting cups on. glasses at night. etc.#well. so i get an email that this book is due back tomorrow. so im like 'oh i should put this book in my backpack'#and i lift it up..... and fuck. there is literally spotty mold ALL. OVER. the back of this fucking book#i guess one of the cups i left on the night stand leaked liquid onto my nightstand and then it soaked into the book or something#and the book didnt move for a Month so like. it's had forever to just sit there and mold over.#and fuck. fuck! i was having such a good night before this too.#now im like.... what the fuck do i even do#i probably just need to go turn it in & pay the fucking expensive fee but like. fuck me. i wanna cry#it always feels like one thing on top of another. like things just are constantly going wrong in my life#and like i Know this is not. the biggest deal in the world. but it just feels like such a dumb fucking thing to happen idk.#anyways. gonna cry abt that and. i guess figure out what im doing with it tomorrow /:
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wasteland-lover · 1 year
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post concert pics
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#me. [🧍🏿‍♀️]#everything was amazing im literally never gonna stop thinking about it#first of all my friend’s older brother (who basically came as out chaperone) was fine as FWAK#and his girlfriend was so sweet😭#but anyways the concert itself was such a life changing experience im being so serious#maybe cuz it was my first time going to a concert but everything was amazing#except the heat cuz the venue was hot asf#like i was afraid i was gonna pass out#and people kept pushing in tenge beginning so my anxiety was lowkey acting up#but as it went in it got so much fun#and all the other fans there were so chill like damn we really built such a health community here🥹#AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE ACTUAL PERFORMANCE#im literally never gonna forget when intak was looking at me more like in my general direction but imma just imagine he was looking at me)#AND TELL ME WHY I WAS IVER HERE FIXING MY LIP GLOSS LIKE A FUCKING DUMBASS#speaking of intak he is so fine like he definitely cemented his spot as my bias wrecker#and after one of the performances i shouted that i think it got me pregnant and everyone looked back at me🧍🏿‍♀️#ALSO JIUNG LOOKED MY ASF LIKE MY MAN WAS REALLY GLOWING#he looked hella skinny but he was smiling thru the whole thing🥹#and i got a photo card of him too🤭#anyways imma probably skip school tomorrow cuz im tired and i got a headache🚶🏿‍♂️#actually no imma go write some jiung hcs while the juice is still flowing🏃🏿‍♂️
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