#also so so so so much grief fuck its so hard but so worth it
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god its so crazy how much of a paradigm shift it was for me when someone was like hey i think youre a victim of serious childhood neglect and im surprised you don't have ptsd. like that really set me on a whole new path. did have to sacrifice the idea of my family just being quirky and special. but on the other hand, what a huge relief it was to be like hey this gaping black hole i've carried inside me for all my life isn't there because i just personally suck and was just born wrong, no it's there because something happened to me. and it can actually go away.
#also so so so so much grief fuck its so hard but so worth it#lots of therapy too yay!#its been a year now and on friday im seeing my parents to have a big serious talk on how to move forward#because last time i saw them i just Lost it and was like we're all going to therapy or you won't see me again
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messages meant to reach you
1-2-3 (left to right)
I DO NOT OWN THESE IMAGES
Hi guys! heres your weekly reading :) ! I hope you enjoy this and it resonates for you, also I found these pics and thought they were so cute lol ! Thanks for stopping by! <3
Pile 1
“does it ever make you sad to know that was 7 summers ago?”
(The Lovers; 7 of wands; knight of cups (rx); knight of pentacles (rx); 9 of pentacles ; 6 of swords (rx))
Hi pile 1! Before I even started channeling, my cat was very interested in my tarot set up which usually he isn’t so maybe you have a kitty? Perhaps one that passed that misses you and wants you to know they are always with you. For you guys I feel a sense of heavy grief either in the recent past or the present. I also feel like you’ve been avoiding your own feelings about the whole situation. I feel a sense of disappointment from you that things didn’t work out the way you wanted. I feel like you either broke up with someone due to differences in worldviews or you might have had someone pass recently that you thought you had more time with. First of all if someone did pass recently, I am so sorry and I’m sending you so much love and light. But I do feel like this might've been a sudden thing, without warning, and you just want to continue on with life without processing just how traumatic it was for you. This person wants you to know that they love you so much and that when you're ready to unpack your grief and trauma they will be with you whether you realize it or not. Now if you had a break up recently I see this person really missing you. They dream about you and want you all to themselves again. I feel like they have pride though and won’t approach you again. I also feel like you’re genuinely done with this person though. Like this isn’t the first time you guys have had fights about this stuff and they really pushed you to your limit. This might’ve happened a while ago too and they’re just holding onto it and pulling on your energy. I really do feel like they’re wallowing in regret about how they treated you but like not enough to change. Like they regret it but they feel like they had to which is so fucked up in its own right. But I digress. I do think an energy cleanse would be best for you, however you choose to cleanse your energy and space will do. I also say get rid of any items they gifted/gave to you. I’m proud of you for knowing your worth and letting bygones be bygones.
Signs: nice house; highways; red rusty pickup truck; red in general; water; creeks; fireflies; old dock; tall can beers; sentimental views (?)
Pile 2
“i aint even got the miles to trip on you”
(2 of pentacles (rx); THe Lovers (rx); 3 of pentacles (rx); Wheel of Fortune (rx); knight of pentacles; 9 of pentacles (rx))
Hi pile 2! So for you guys I actually had to restart your pile a few times it was hard for me to really connect and get a message for you guys but when I did I understood why. The message coming through is from someone you simply don’t want to hear from lol. It’s probably an old partner that’s begged and pleaded to be back in your life multiple times and you just don’t care, which is such a power move. But yea overall this person just throws a pity party for themselves and how they lost a good thing and it sucks to be them I guess. But I wanted to get a message for you from your guides at the very least so heres that! All in all your guides are very happy and proud of you!! You’ve really put in the work pile 2! I see you enjoying financial blessings and i feel like your heart and mind have found peace. Whether your with someone or not I see you ina state of stability that you never thought you’d get to. Maybe things feel a little monotonous for you but I do feel like you enjoy your life and where you’re at right now! I also feel like you guys are experiencing things you never thought you would, like an engagement or getting the promotion/job you always wanted! I keep hearing that you made life your bitch LOL!! I also see you guys paying no mind to wagging tongues and you let people think whatever they want about you because at the end of the day you just don’t care. You not only enjoy your job but you enjoy your hobby’s your house, your car, and so on and so forth. I see though that you guys should work on being proud of yourself because YOU did that! No one else did!! Go treat yourself to something nice and sit back and relax pile 2 you deserve it fr!!
Signs: restart button; push to start car; nice handwriting; minecraft; jeans; interior design; iron; birch wood; big healthy plants; big windows; elevators; CAPRICORN
Pile 3
"i'm in too deep and i'm trying to keep up above in my head instead of going under"
(Judgment (rx); 6 of swords (rx); 4 of swords; 10 of swords; 2 of pentacles (rx); knight of swords (rx))
Hello Pile 3!! For you guys I see that you’re a really unique person and don’t really care about people's thoughts. I feel for your message though that you might be running in the wrong crowd or with the wrong people. I feel like you choose people based on whether or not they are in the same subgenre as you, or present the way you do. Which is understandable thinking if someone dresses the same they might have the same values but I see that the people in your life don’t. I also see that they just don’t care about you as much as you care about them. I believe that you know this somewhat or you have gut feelings about this, however I think you’re hoping one day they’ll pick you. I do see though that you know that they won’t and that you know you’re not meant to be there. I see that you just want to fit in with a group of people so badly, that you need validation that people like you. But honey, lots of people like you!! They just aren’t presenting the way you are. I see that for lack of better term “conventional” people admire your bold and unique expression of yourself. I see that you have prejudice towards these people and immediately put them in a box they you guys wouldn’t get along. Lemme tell you though as much as you advocate for not judging a book by it’s cover I feel you doing that to others. Maybe this is apart of your shadow that you need to work on. I get quite a youthful energy from you though, maybe you’re in highschool? You don’t have to change everything about your life tomorrow but you can make small steps. The only person who can make active change in your life is you! So get out there and do as much as you can without regrets! I promise you’ll enjoy the things that you didn’t think you would. Plus life is meant for mistakes and learning from them. Don’t let others perception of you ruin your experience on this earth! You got this pile 3, you’re a beautiful soul, let others see it.
Signs: 111 ; wizard of oz; cheshire cat; leather; vests; studs; piercings; boots; alt fashion; old sedan; empty parking lots; cigarettes; nose rings; bleached hair
#spotify#pick a card reading#reading tarot#channeled message#channeled song#channeling#divination#law of attraction#pac#pap#spirituality#spiritual#spiritualgrowth#tarotcommunity#tarot reading#tarot#tarot cards#tarot card reading#channeled art
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I'm sorry but why do you ship them so hard? They just have 1 episode together.. I watched the sandman expecting destiel and it was literally almost nothing there. 1 episode. Idk how you guys got so much ship content out of that.
Ah nonny, I'm sorry but if you go into anything expecting Destiel you are gonna be dissappointed. Destiel is a behemouth of 12 years worth of gradually escalating gay subtext, queer coding, and romantic tropes. Destiel is the ship that people go into expecting that Tumblr exaggerated only to be blown away by how ridiculously gay it is even when it tries so hard not to be.
But remember, once upon a time people shipped Destiel after only a few moments of interaction. The first Destiel fic was written 30 minutes after Lazarus Rising aired...everything has its time.
When I joked that Dreamling was the "Destiel of Sandman fandom" I meant in terms of popularity compared to everything else about the show. The ships share some similar traits when compared on a grand scale - think ancient cosmic entity that has very strict rules slowly changes and starts to become more "human" thanks to their friendship with one dude who just so happens to be a hedonistic stubborn ass who refuses to die - but are otherwise very different.
But if you are wondering why people ship Dream and Hob so hard, well, this post goes some ways to explaining it.
But basically, look this may only be a half hour of television, but it doesn't equate in universe to half an hour of interaction. This half hour of television spans the course of 6 centuries for these two characters. There is a totally untapped potential hidden in the gaps between centuries to explore, and on top of that, the final meeting is left completely up to the imagination of the audience. Its a sandbox ship. Its a dozen fanfiction gaps laid on top of each other. It's at least 20 different prompts for fans to sink their teeth into. Its the potential. It's the what if.
Then on top of that, if you follow the comics, you know that the future Dream x Hob meetings also have a hell of a lot of potential to turn romantic. Dream going out of his way to hunt down a specific bottle of wine that doesn't exist on Earth anymore to gift it to Hob in his dreams, the very fact that he visits Hob in his dreams (hello common Destiel trope right there). They don't meet too many more times in the comics, but each time the tension is palpable. The meeting in the Kindly Ones is heartbreaking, because you can tell desperately how much they need each other at that moment, but they are both too distracted or consumed by grief and depression to truly reach out to one another. The comics never reveal why Dream sought Hob out at that point, but given everything happening to him at the time, its not hard to assume that Dream was seeking comfort from his friend - the only person he could really turn to for comfort at that point.
Then we have Hob's dream. One of the final stories in The Sandman original comic run. After everything else has happened, after the climax and all that takes place, after the smoke has cleared and you think everyone else has moved on and you are certain the ending is set in stone, you get to Hob's dream, and your mind is once again blown, and suddenly you have a thousand more questions. So many fans hopes and dreams rely on Hob's dream right now I can't even begin to express how important that particular comic issue is to me.
It's all about the potential. There is so much potential.
Plus the 30 minute scene we got was loaded full of subtext, romantic tropes, and queer coding. I dunno if you picked up on it, but I have an extremely long meta essay still in the works that goes through everything that 30 minute sequence gives us in terms of shipping fodder (I really need to finish that). Its not just the romantic tropes, the break up and make up, its the acting choices, the eye fucking, the freaking song choices in 1989 holy fuck could they be more on the nose.
Also, consider this thought experiment: Crowley and Aziraphale in Good Omens are a hugely popular ship, where their creator Neil Gaiman has confirmed that theirs is a love story. Whatever else you may believe about Crowley and Aziraphale, their story is a love story. Creator confirmed love story.
Now, Crowley and Aziraphale are the leads of Good Omens and interact throughout the entire 6 episode show. But consider the first half of episode 3. Imagine a version of Good Omens where Crowley and Aziraphale don't really interact outside of that 30 minute opening sequence. That the story was much more focused on the Them, the Horsemen, and the other characters. Imagine then seeing that 30 minute sequence which shows Crowley and Aziraphale slowly warming to each other and becoming friends over the centuries, shows them getting to know each other, do each other favours, come to each others defence, get into fights and break up with each other, only to make up later...
Would you still ship them? Even if that 30 minute sequence was all you got? I guarantee if I asked any Ineffable Husbands fan that question they would say yes. Because THAT 30 minute sequence is what solidifies the importance of their relationship and its what MAKES IT a love story.
Guess where Neil Gaiman got the idea for that 30 minute sequence in Good Omens from? Ah Neil, plagiarising his own work all these years later!
If Neil Gaiman thought that Men of Good Fortune would work well for a canonical love story in Good Omens, I wonder what he was thinking when he then adapted Men of Good Fortune for television?
THE POTENTIAL.
I ship Dreamling that hard because it has more potential than any other ship I have come across. It has 6 centuries and all the future of the Sandman show for me to explore, to tweak, to play with. Besides they just suit each other ya know? Like Dream is notoriously bad at relationships, but Hob is literally perfect for him. The more my mind dwells on how perfect Hob is for Dream the more I want to scream about it. Give the sad wet cat man a boyfriend who is literally his opposite in every way. Dream is a character looking for a reason to keep living, and Hob is a character who refuses to die. Dream is a pessimist, Hob is an optimist. Dream is afraid of change, Hob literally changes constantly with the times. Dream is desperate for love and someone to stay by his side, Hob just wants to love someone he doesn't have to eventually leave.
Let them meet in the middle.
#dreamling#destiel#the sandman#there is a destiel quote in there somewhere#they met in the middle#lol#sandman comic spoilers#dream of the endless#hob gadling#sandman meta#dreamling meta#asks
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See, I genuinely thought, Solar's death broke me-
NOPE, IT WAS EARTH AND LUNAR'S REACTION, BECAUSE BY GOD, THIS AMOUNT OF EMOTIONS SHOULD BE CONSIDERED ILLEGAL-
MY POOR HEART-
Earth's everything broke me!
Kat did such an outstanding job!!
Earth finally cracked under the pressure…
She's been trying so hard to keep it all in, to solve it herself quietly, and now her entire world is shattered, because her best friend is dead, and she may never see him again!
This was a full on mental breakdown, and I swear, I was crying till my hands were shaking-
The way her voice cracked, and got louder and louder, yet she still felt the need to apologize for not holding it together, as if she wasn't in the right to mourn, to grieve, as if she didn't just lose her brother.
Because that's what he always was, even, if he didn't see himself that way!
He was their big brother, and their anchor!
He just never took the title, because he was afraid to intrude, to hope too much, because he didn't see himself as worth it!
Not to forget her fear, that if he were to come back, he might end up like Moon, without memory…
Before that, I almost broke when Lunar fell to their knees-
They can't even process it!
Both of their siblings were crying, but even when their voice broke, they didn't.
Instead, they've been pushed back into the numbness they came back in, trying their best to help out, but not being sure how-
Their robotic brain is trying so hard to keep them stable, turning off their feelings by doing so, because the moment they come back, all hell will break loose-
Monty's scene also broke me for some reason-
Their immediate reaction to seeing Earth cry, and trying to calm her down-
I loved his insistence when it came to Lunar as well, because she likely knows what's going on in their head!
They heared them say "I'm okay", and instantly replied with "nope, you are coming with us!"
God, even Sun and Moon…
Sun sounds so tired, there's so much grieve in his voice!
He's trying so hard to be of help, but he can't, not as long as the wounds are fresh...
And Moon, Oh dear-
The fact, that he barely even reacted to Eclipse!
He sounded so damn exhausted, and so done, telling Eclipse that he can't stop him…
Before also admitting, that he saw Solar as a brother, but never said anything for Solar's comfort!
Solar truly thought he was replaceable, thought he wasn't worth what he was worth.
Yet so many people cared for him, loved him, and are trying so hard to hold out to hope to get him back!
If only he could see it…
-Stardust
RIGHTTTTT??!?!?!!!!??!!!!!???????? HEAD IN HANDS EARTH'S GRIEF ACTUALLY MADE MY CHEST TIGHT I WAS SO FUCKED UP ABOUT IT. THIS IS HER FIRST PROPER LOSS. SHE HAD PLANS WITH HIM. SHE'D JUST BEEN TALKING TO HIM. HE WAS JUST THERE FOR HER!!!! 😭😭😭
AND GHOD YEA. SUN HAVING TROUBLE EVEN SAYING IT AND LUNAR SHUTTING DOWN AND MONTY DOING HIS BEST TO HELP EM AND MOON JUST BEING SO WHOLLY DRAINED. Everyone is going through it and its KILLING MEEEE 😭
AND WITH HOW SOLAR THOUGHT OF HIMSELF IN THE FAMILY DON'T EVEN WITH ME I WILL START BAWLING I'M SO FUCKED UP THAT HE NEVER GOT TO KNOW THE FULL EXTENT OF HOW MUCH HE WAS LOVED. STARTS PUNCHING AIR
#asks#anon#stardust anon#HELL EARTH HELL EARTH HELL EARTH!!!!!!! BURSTS INTO TEARS FOR A MILLION YEARS#IT ALL FEELS LIKE SO MUCH AUGHHHHHH SADNESS EVERYWHERE#sun and moon show#the sun and moon show#tsams#lunar and earth show#the lunar and earth show#tlaes#angst#tsams spoilers#sams spoilers#tlaes spoilers#laes spoilers#caps
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Scriddler fic recommendations!!!
Stay (2017) by iammemyself
Rating: General
49,873 words, 11/11 chapters (discontinued)
Arkhamverse
After Arkham Knight, Jonathan and Edward move to Canada together, where the full weight of Edward's grief crashes down on the both of them.
This fic is fucking miserable in the best way possible. It feels so grey and depressing like almost the entire time even with its ups and downs. Things get better, but it's fucking hard. Legit among my favorite fics. Also Jon's so obscenely old here I love it lmfao. (There's also a Stay (2016) I haven't actually looked at, might be a prequel or smthn idk)
I'm With You by nonbinaryspock
Rating: Mature
50,684 words, 35/35 chapters
Jonathan and Edward rekindle their somewhat messy relationship from their college years. Things are still a bit messy but they've at least got some hindsight.
Hella angsty, they're both so horribly dysfunctional <3 (specifically Jonathan will just say/think the absolute wildest shit and then just go on like that's normal). I really just love how visceral their emotions can be.
Runs In The Family by ChaoticMimzy
Rating: Mature
8,703 words, 5/5 chapters
Edward's father dies and he goes to his funeral (solely to be there for his sister, mind you) where he grapples with past trauma and catholic guilt.
Very very rogues podcast coded (highest compliment). It's mostly Edward-centric and doesn't focus on the scriddler too much but it's still worth a read. Edward's rage towards his childhood circumstances is so potent and agonizing I love it so much. He should get to kill god a little bit imo
(More below)
Let me play you a song on my violin by batmanforeverlol
Rating: Teen
7,206 words, 1/1 chapters
Ghost AU. Edward is a retired criminal turned private investigator who finds himself running through a cemetery, where he meets a man playing a violin.
Ngl I cried super hard reading this but it's also one of my absolute favorites. Why would you write this? Why would you hurt me in this way? (It's really sweet but also really fucking sad, you should read it. Share my pain)
Terminal by iammemyself, promethea (Aerosol)
Rating: General
7,073 words, 1/1 chapters
Edward gets brain cancer again, this time the Lazarus pits aren't gonna help him.
As you could imagine, this fic is just sad from start to finish. I cried so fucking much reading it its not even funny.
He Just Likes The Rush by Human_Resourccs
Rating: General
16,072 words, 9/9 chapters
Jonathan's thrill-seeking brings him some interesting company. (Or, as I know it: the fic where a fucking spider lives in Jonathan's hair for months and Edward still lets him touch him. If that's not love I don't know what is)
Sapiophile by XavIniesta685
Rating: Mature
17,529 words, 3/3 chapters
The Moon Is Not Made Of Cheese by Stry_Shttu
Jonathan has given up in every sense and is about to leave Gotham until a series of events change his mind. A lot of "falling in love within a day" fics can feel kinda forced but this one flows really naturally.
Rating: Teen
7,820 words, 1/1 chapters
Arkhamverse
Edward is lonely, Jonathan goes to see him while also being Jason Todd's really lame dad. A good mix of sweet and silly.
The Boy With The Thorn In His Side by 30PacketsofKetchup
Rating: Teen
21,542 words, 8/? chapters (this fic hasn't been updated in like 5 years so be ready for that specific brand of agony)
Teenager AU. Jonathan meets the mildly annoying new boy in town and they bond.
I looove this fic so much I'm absolutely heartbroken that it wasn't ever finished. Idk the vibes are nice and I love how flustered young Jon gets when he's got a crush.
South of Hell by nonbinaryspock
Rating: Teen
14,194 words, 35/35 chapters
Teenager AU. No one in their awful little town likes Edward or Jonathan, but they've at least got eachother. Very southern gothic.
Exit Wounds by nonbinaryspock
Rating: Teen
18,066 words, 38/38 chapters
Demon/supernatural AU. Edward is a private investor and his demon ex-boyfriend suddenly shows up after 5 years in need of a place to stay. Edward is thoroughly unimpressed.
I'm in love with this AU big time, it's got some pretty neat world building. I also love how distinctive the characterizations here are. BAH I'm not great at describing but it's very angsty and good.
Frighteningly Unprofessional by bookynerdgoblin
Rating: Mature
28,412 words, 11/11 chapters
One of Jonathan's students knows about his unethical experiments, however instead of reporting him, he offers to help in exchange for his partnership. Things spiral from there. Edward is purposefully being super obvious and Jonathan talks to his cat like a person.
Words by scarecrowv
Rating: General
4,651 words, 1/1 chapters
Edward's daughter keeps calling Jon "mama" and he has no idea how to handle it, aka psychology professor Dr Jonathan Crane talks to a 2 year old like an adult.
A Case Study in Step-Parenting by Ifthinkerwrites
Rating: General
16,053 words, 5/5 chapters
Another lil scriddler family fic, Jonathan navigates step-parenthood :)
Sitzfleisch by SproxGrail
Rating: Mature
1,205 words, 1/? chapters
Jonathan is living in Edward's walls and talks about him like a little freak. I need this fic to update again please please please it's so creepy I'm in love with it
Some series to look at as well!
Memoryverse by Enigmatic_Robin
Rating: General
15,393 words, 11 works
A bit more of a psychological horror/thriller than a romance. Jonathan is manipulating Edward into complete dependency. It seems easy while Edward is in love with him, but he'd better watch out for when that veil slips.
Scriddler Family AU by Enigmatic_Robin
Rating: General
17,722 words, 9 works
Scarecrow and Riddler end up raising Stephanie Brown and Tim Drake. And all the shenanigans that come with that.
Love Me Dead by lymongrab
Rating: Explicit
25,624 words, 6 works
Kinda just a nice progression in Jonathan and Edward's relationship with some added spice here and there. Mostly pretty sweet.
Arkhamverse by iammemyself
Rating: General
354,608 words, 28 works
In which Edward and Jonathan's relationship is a bit complicated, but Edward is also a robot dad!!
(Everything from here is nsfw centric)
This section would be longer but i actually found out the person who wrote some nsfw fics i really liked was actually a proshipper weirdo so I'm not including those. Why can't people be normal
Kiss The Go-Goat by korereapers
Rating: Explicit
5,203 words, 1/1 chapters
Demon AU. Edward summons a demon and gets a little carried away
Shout out to this fic for getting me into Ghost, the only band I ever listen to now lmfao. Anyway I'm a big sucker for anything involving monster/demon/creature!Jon
Connected by korereapers
Rating: Explicit
6,458 words, 1/1 chapters
A hookup gets wayyy more emotional than expected. But, y'know, they're not in love or anything. Right?
Comfort by curiouscorvid (prometheanTactician)
Rating: Explicit
4,866 words, 1/1 chapters
Mad Max AU. Edward is traversing the wasteland, where he finds and helps a desperate escapee.
I've found that Mad Max AUs are always so sad no matter what even though the movie itself is kinda silly lmfao.
worldly pleasures by leetheshark
Rating: Explicit
3,227 words, 1/1 chapters
Arkhamverse
Jonathan doesn't really know how to handle any sensation that isn't painful.
#so many of these are super sad im sorry#but they're GOOD#you should read all of these#i'm too nervous to tag people but idk if any of these authors see this hello you're cool#scriddler#scarecrow#riddler#jonathan crane#edward nygma#fic rec#oxy talks-y
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I don't know if you are still doing the ship game. What do you think about Drarry? I apologise if you have already answered it- I tried to see if someone else has asked but I may have missed your response. It's a very popular ship and there are lots of well written fics by incredibly talented authors that I have enjoyed. But when I take that aside and look at the pairing just on its own, I struggle to articulate my thoughts on what I actually think about the pairing.
thank you for the ask @sarafina-sincerity!
i do read drarry, but i think it’s probably fair to say that i don’t read drarry because i expect it to make sense.
i like it fluffy and stupid, to be enjoyed after a hard day at work when i want something which is crammed full of fuck-buddies-to-oh-wait-this-is-serious tropes which doesn’t require too much effort to engage with.
and so the fics i tend to read aren’t drarry which really grapples with exactly how difficult it can be to make harry and draco work as a stable couple while still feeling true to their canon characters. [they’re not fics which dive into how they would be as an unstable couple either, which is - frankly - because i prefer to see harry in toxic messes with other people.] i like a bit of of out-of-character nonsense - i love to tune into a fic in which draco is assertive and witty and sophisticated (even though in the books he’s an insecure little bitch whose jokes always flop) or in which harry is passive, preternaturally adoring, and speaks like a therapist (even though in the books he’s a reckless feral cat with the emotional awareness of cardboard) or in which ron and hermione come around to it really quickly. i think they’re fun!
but arguing that drarry could make sense as a happy relationship when the characters are as they are in canon is difficult. indeed, i think that it’s even more difficult than making many of the completely implausible-sounding harry-centric pairings work (and, indeed, draco-centric pairings, taco nation rise up). and i think it’s worth dissecting why.
the first reason is that, much as umbridge is often the villain that readers have the most visceral reaction to (and much as the thing about snape which seems to most upset readers is when he’s a bad teacher), the fact that draco is just some guy at school actually makes the pairing harder. unlike something like snarry, in which a semi-mystical connection between the two is set up by the narrative, or tomarry, in which an overtly mystical connection is, drarry is just two lads who don’t really get on.
indeed, despite a tendency to explain their vibe in the books as sexual tension, harry gives no indication of particularly caring either way about draco while they’re at school. he thinks he’s annoying, pretentious, rude, and cowardly, but - outside of half-blood prince - he is not ever actually shown to escalate those feelings into being particularly obsessed with him. harry doesn’t watch draco constantly or follow him around or devote a huge amount of time to thinking about him when they’re not together of his own accord; and when he does do any of these things, it’s usually because draco has provoked him into it by seeking him out and/or being explicitly bigoted. even in half-blood prince, harry’s obsession with draco is external to the man himself - it’s rooted in his attempts to block out his grief over sirius, his anger at the death eaters who killed his godfather (lucius malfoy among them), his suspicion of snape, and the things he is learning about tom riddle.
draco, though, is obsessed with him. harry spends seven years living rent free in his head; he tracks his movements, he can barely make it through the day without seeking him out to try and get some attention from him, he clearly talks about him all the time (he needs no prompting from ‘crabbe’ and ‘goyle’ to bring him up during the polyjuice scene in chamber of secrets). he also obviously does have some level of respect for harry - he acknowledges, even if it’s through complaining to his father, that he’s a good quidditch player, for example - and, by the end of the series, he clearly does regard harry as brave. whereas, when it comes to more positive emotions, harry pities draco, but he never seems to like or admire him.
as a result, i always prefer drarry in which draco is the more feral one, but the default dynamic seems to have harry chasing him, rather than the other way round. i would also like to see more authors work with how likely draco would be to put up for long with having such an obvious interest in a man who is only ever likely to be ambivalent towards him in return
[and also a man who is quite likely to expect to become his partner’s priority, rather than the other way round. one issue with a lot of harry’s relationships, whether his canonical one with ginny or a fanon alternative, is that the role he occupies in the story means that he tends to relate to people he knows not as equals but either as people he needs to protect or people he needs to protect others from. in a relationship with draco, he is likely to pivot from the latter to the former, and i can’t imagine that draco - who thinks of himself as a protector as well, especially in his relationship with his mother - is going to particularly enjoy this. this is why i like middle-aged, have had decades to calm down, widowed or divorced drarry - it feels like it has more chance of being equal than the school-age or immediately post-war stuff.]
harry’s indifference-bordering-on-dislike towards draco does stand in contrast to how he thinks about other male characters that he’s frequently paired with. to return to snarry and tomarry - harry is shown to admire snape at numerous points prior to the end of half-blood prince, his interest in the prince’s textbook reveals that he and snape have a shared intellectual compatibility, and - above all - harry understands and empathises with snape’s background and experiences. similarly, harry is shown to admire voldemort at numerous points, the narrative sets them up as being very similar, and - above all - harry understands and empathises with voldemort’s background and experiences.
[harry is also obviously physically attracted to tom riddle, while draco is not - although this is, of course, not an insurmountable issue - obviously his type. the men harry finds attractive in canon are all tall, thin, and dark-haired, and draco is always described by the narrative in terms which suggest that harry thinks he’s ugly. the same is true for lucius malfoy.]
and i think that one explanation for the above is that a lack of shared background is one of the major stumbling blocks to drarry which doesn’t exist in the other two pairings. i love an auror partners trope-fic as much as any other girl, but - in reality - draco never needs to work and never gives the impression of being career-minded or finding career ambition valuable. harry is certainly rich enough not to need to work - and the fact that he has a pureblood name and resembles his pureblood father gives him an amount of class protection in the wizarding world which means that drarry is nowhere near as socially unequal as something like dramione - but he evidently finds the idea of working valuable, not least because he wants to achieve recognition for something other than being the boy-who-lived.
but draco - who likes being thought special on the basis of unearned things like his family name - would struggle to understand this. and, in return, harry would struggle to understand how draco’s adult life - something i suspect he would see as one of tedious luxury - is driven by a sense of duty to his family and his peers. after all, harry believes in the value of found family and earned loyalty, and loathes any expectation that he should be deferential to people just because of who they are.
of course, i don’t think this would prevent them being together. it would just cause a tension which would either see everything crash and burn (hot) or which would require growth from both characters which takes a certain lightness of touch to pull off. there are lots of drarry authors who do one or both of these in their works, of course. but those authors are very rarely trying to portray harry and draco as (to begin with, at least) a good or healthy couple…
but with this said, i also think that some common criticisms of drarry wouldn’t actually be a big deal to either harry or draco.
the most significant of these is the fact that harry is morally righteous - yes - but that this manifests itself in an expectation of loyalty from other people, but not an expectation of purity. in post-war drarry, i think it’s entirely reasonable to say that harry’s belief that the malfoys turned against voldemort because of loyalty to each other (something he finds valuable, and clearly considers to be the appropriate way for a family unit to behave - look at what he thinks of percy weasley, for example), as well as lucius malfoy’s extra-canonical willingness to help harry and the ministry by informing on all his former associates (which, according to jkr, results in him being spared azkaban and harry thinking that’s fine) enables him to let go of draco’s past, and to have a relationship without the weight of that history hanging over them. i don’t think he ever becomes fond of lucius - although i think he is likely to feel slightly more warmth towards narcissa - but i also don’t think he would expect draco to estrange himself from his family or completely change as a person in order to consider him worthy of his affection.
[this is, for what it’s worth, something which makes dramione an impossibility for me - even if draco is capable of redemption (which, like everyone, he is), i don’t think she’s ever forgiving him or considering him changed enough to be worthy of her, and i don’t think she should have to.]
draco may not, however, consider this acceptance as much of a gift as harry might. above all because i believe sincerely that harry would never feel bad about the sectumsempra incident. draco is clearly someone who holds grudges, and i think that this would always be in quite profound tension with harry’s remarkable (but also entirely self-interested) ability to decide he’s going to let things go.
i also think that harry is going to be able to handle draco’s more negative characteristics better than he’s sometimes given credit for, since all of them - especially his tendency towards jealousy, self-aggrandisement, and moping - are things he shares with ron. and, like ron, i think draco is going to be surprisingly good at dealing with harry’s impulsivity, his tendency to brood, and tendency to form knee-jerk judgements. these seemingly opposing personality traits are actually quite nicely balanced.
and, of course, the big one: love is strange and unpredictable; forgiveness can be easy just as often as it can be difficult; everyone is capable of redemption; people can choose to be together despite significant odds against them; choice is much more interesting than fate; and fluffy drarry is unbelievably entertaining.
my final statement, though? people are sleeping on dron. ron and draco have all the right ingredients - above all, the fact that they’re narrative mirrors - which makes things like snack bang. the potential for drama and intrigue and destabilising love is right there. harry simply cannot compete.
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Old Cowboy Sayings (Part 3)
Rhett Abbott x Reader
Prologue Part 1 Part 2 Epilogue
Rhett is a fucking mess but he’s been made to feel mediocre his whole life so he just believes it. Reader comes along to hopefully make him see his worth.
She’s a long one 5K+ words. Time to give our poor boy a happy ending.
Trigger Warnings - Mention of suicide.
Contains SMUT 18+
……
The night the sheriff took Perry away, was difficult and left a lot of trauma behind. But if you remove the object from a horse’s hoof that’s causing the problem, the pain gets better, and the horse is no longer lame. The same could be said for the removal of Perry from the Abbott Ranch and the eventual effect on Rhett and his family.
His brother left without a fight, defeated by Amy’s rejection of him and was prosecuted with assault and manslaughter, the victim of the hit an’ run unfortunately passing away. His DNA also ended up matching a couple of other out-of-state unsolved cases that even Rhett’s parents didn’t know about and when he admitted to accidently killing Rebecca, even Cecelia and her forgiving church values, no longer wanted anything to do with him and he was cut from their lives for good.
Letters would come from time to time, statements from the court, psychiatric evaluations, and handwritten ones for Amy that she never opened and chose to destroy. Amy became glued to YFN, and Rhett encouraged the bond, especially when she learned of what happened to her mother.
Rhett thought his niece was amazing, she had been through so much. But just like YFN, she was strong and resilient.
Rhett’s grandfather had an old cowboy saying, ‘Cowgirls know their buckle don’t shine in the dirt.’ and that was Amy and YFN to a tee. They got up and dusted themselves off after everything. It took time and work though, YFN took both her and Amy to therapy in the city to help them through. Rhett drove them but wouldn’t partake, his healing was done out on the land, in the saddle.
Aside from Amy, Royal struggled the most, because of Rebecca’s death and Amy’s grief. Rhett knew he had a soft spot for his sister-in-law and for his granddaughter, so knowing the truth and watching Amy’s pain, was difficult for him and caused his moods to fluctuate.
He withdrew, got angry and was sometimes confused, rambling about some magical hole in the Western pasture. Rhett, YFN and Cecelia had guessed whatever was in those psychiatric evaluations from the court about Perry was probably something passed down from his father, but Royal didn’t drink as much, he didn’t raged at them and would never hurt the girls, so they let him be.
When YFN first came to the ranch, Royal would call her ‘girl’ like she was something on the bottom of his boots. But he had come to respect and care about her in his own way and sometimes when Amy and YFN were helping out Royal when he was mixed up or muddled, he’d thank ‘his girls’.
Rhett didn’t mind, he thought of Amy and YFN as ‘his girls’ too. His relationship with Royal had changed in its own way, but nothing was ever said out aloud. The change noticed when he supported him at rodeos, joined Rhett on a silent ride on the ranch or the subtle step back to allow him to take over as the head of the Abbott family.
Cecelia dealt with her own demons as well. Her extreme guilt over the past lead to a crisis of faith for her. YFN’s own mother had been religious and although she didn’t practice herself, she encouraged Cecelia to return to her church for help. YFN and Amy sometimes joined his mother in support and Rhett even showed up to the occasionally service for her. And even though the congregation gawked at him and YFN teased him that he might burst into flames just for entering the building, it was worth it to see Cecelia trying to find peace.
Relinquishing the business side of the ranch was hard on Cecelia too, so YFN and Rhett did their best and involved her or asked for advice. With her and Royal’s experience, YFN’s smarts and Rhett’s plans, they had managed to turn the Abbott Ranch back around quickly, despite all they were going through.
YFN had her own healing to do too. She’d escaped her old life that was haunted by memories of her mamma’s suicide and her daddy’s role in it. Coming to the Abbott ranch was supposed to be a fresh start, but she found herself amongst another shit show of a family and was traumatised by what one of them did to her.
Rhett didn’t know too much about how women felt after something like that happened to them. But he did the best he could to support YFN and respected any boundaries she had. The shrink helped some, but Rhett made sure he took her on long rides for no other reason but just to be in the saddle and breathe. That was his version of therapy.
The hard work of running the ranch and supporting his family, gave YFN a focus and some stability. She spent quality time with Amy, and was even involved at her school, mainly to cut those down who were judging Rhett’s niece for the actions of her father. Once the small town got to know ‘the girl who’d tamed the Abbott boy’, they saw how special she was they gave their support and friendship to her and that helped her move forward too.
Sometimes some of the more judgemental people would ask YFN why she stayed with the mess that was Rhett Abbott. But she quoted an old cowboy saying from her mamma. ‘Storms make trees take deeper roots.’ she’d tell them. That Rhett was a good man, despite what he’d been through, and she had never loved anyone as much as she loved him.
Rhett was not the troubled soul that he once was. He now was ironically, the most well-adjusted member of his immediate family, not that was much considering the state they were in. Rhett still drank, but he’d curbed it, not needing to drown his emptiness. And he still got into fights, but most of the time it was because he saw red if a man touched YFN without her consent.
The responsibility of the ranch gave him the purpose and direction Rhett used to lack. With the absence of Perry, he wasn’t resigned or resentful to his lot in life. Rhett tried to make something of himself and worked on restoring his reputation. That was difficult at first in a small town as the brother of a murderer plus his own history of trouble.
Fortunately, being a hard-working ranch owner who kept their accounts paid and having a no-nonsense woman like YFN by his side helped. Rhett had also found consistent success with his bull riding, now he was no longer weighed down as much, so being the local rodeo hero didn’t hurt either. And the occasional visit to Cecelia’s church showed people that Rhett wasn’t exactly going to burn in hell anymore.
He wasn’t lonely or empty and didn’t feel like a mediocre, disappointment to himself or his family anymore. Rhett knew the one thing that had really made the difference to his life was YFN. And he loved her more than anything.
……
Rhett loved having YFN as his woman. They were a good team on the ranch, balanced the strengths and weaknesses of one other and that easily transferred into their relationship. He enjoyed spending time together outside of the work and he loved to listen to her talk and laugh about anything.
They knew how each other felt, he never got sick of hearing YFN telling him. And even though Rhett had been a man of few words in the past, he always made sure YFN how much knew he loved her.
But the on very first day of being together, YFN had been assaulted, so an intimate relationship was tough for her at first. The night that it happened, she had held on to Rhett terrified and needed the comfort his arms brought. But once the adrenaline wore off, YFN had found it difficult to be touched with the exception of Amy who clung to her until she felt comfortable enough to let go.
Rhett had only had the barest of kisses and a few hours of holding her, so he craved it, needed it like oxygen, and he’d never felt like that before. But he would never push her, so respected YFN’s boundaries and let her set the pace of their physical relationship.
The pace was a little slow at first though.
YFN touched Rhett with small gestures at first. She pushed his hair back when it fell into his eyes or reached for his hand and would link their fingers together. Once she was comfortable, she’d wrap her arms around him and kiss him sweetly with her soft lips. Rhett waited patiently and once he was sure YFN was ok with it, he started to reach for her and initiate things. He would always ask first and made sure she could see what he was doing, so she could stop him if she needed.
It wasn’t long until they kissed all the time.
When it started to get a bit more heated Rhett would get so fucking turned on, he’d have to break away with an apology and an aching cock. YFN looked as affected as him, but Rhett wanted her to be sure and he didn’t want to do anything to hurt her. And to make sure he didn’t combust while he waited, he touched himself all the fucking time.
Part of him was grateful for the pace. In his only other relationship with Maria, there’d been no hand holding and every touch lead straight to fucking. He’d never experienced real intimacy with anyone before, and he wanted everything with YFN.
……
A few months after YFN’s assault, Rhett was grooming the horses in the stables one day. He hadn’t always had much luck with people respecting and caring about him, but he had always had a good relationship with his horses. Rhett ran his hand gently over Whiskey, and she headbutted him affectionately as he rested his head on hers.
YFN’s honey voice filled the stables “You know there’s a saying ‘You can tell how a man will treat his woman by the way he treats his horse’.”
Rhett smiled at her as she walked over and stood next to him and started stroking Whiskey. He noticed YFN was wearing a short dress, first time she’d worn one since…
He shook the dark thought out of his head, “You look pretty.” he said simply.
YFN looked at Rhett lovingly “Thank you. You know you treat me like you do Whiskey.” she said combing her fingers through her mane, “You respect and love her. You’re gentle and make sure you don’t spook her. You’re such a good man Rhett.”
It was her way of acknowledging that Rhett had respected her boundaries and let her set the pace.
“I just wanna make sure you’re ready.” he said gently.
“And what if I’m ready now?” YFN stepped closer into his space as she spoke softly.
Rhett sucked in a breath as her hands moved to his chest and she slowly started to undo the buttons of his shirt.
“I wanted you for a lotta months before what happened, and I never really stopped. Thank you giving me the time and respectin’ me. You’ve been so patient baby.” she whispered.
Rhett stayed still as YFN finished unbuttoning his shirt and ran her hands over his chest, one of them drew patterns over his tattoo, “But we’ve waited long enough don’t you think?”
Rhett didn’t hesitate.
He cupped her face with his hands and kissed her. YFN’s mouth moved with his and when he traced her bottom lip with his tongue, and she parted her lips and moaned when Rhett’s tongue found hers. They kissed deeply until YFN broke it and pushed him backwards into the spare stall, laughing playfully when he stumbled.
Rhett smirked at her as he flipped their position and pinned her against the wall and kissed her thoroughly, one hand threaded into her hair. He nipped at her neck as his fingers played with the neckline of her dress.
He’d spent a lot of time imagining what her full tits would look and feel like, so he was desperate to get his hands and mouth on them.
“This ok?” Rhett asked and YFN nodded. He pulled the top of her dress down and groaned when he saw she wasn’t wearing a bra.
“You fixin’ to kill me?” he said voice low and gravelly, and he held their weight in his hands and squeezed. They were fucking perfect. And YFN moaned loudly as he took a nipple in his mouth.
“Shh sweetheart. As much as I love those pretty noises, my family’s ‘round ‘ere somewhere.” Rhett chuckled as he sucked on her other nipple.
“I sent ‘em to town.” she said breathlessly, and she ran her hand down his taught stomach and grabbed his cock through his jeans.
Rhett grunted “Fuck. Can I… Can I make you feel good.”
“I sure hope so.” YFN grinned.
Rhett chuckled shaking his head at his cheeky girl. He dropped to his knees and ran his hands up YFN’s legs and paused just before the hem of her dress, “You sure babygirl?”
YFN keened at the new name and responded by bunching up her dress in her hands and baring herself to him.
Rhett practically choked when he saw she wasn’t wearing underneath. His fucking cheeky girl. His cock was rock hard and it ached.
YFN smirked and held a foil packet between her fingers and flicked it on the ground near him. “I always like to be prepared.” she said as she bit her lip.
Rhett laughed lightly “Fuck I love you sweetheart.” and he pressed his nose into her and groaned as he inhaled her musky sent.
“I love yooo…” YFN’s words turned into a moan as Rhett started licking her pussy and she grabbed his head tightly and hands pulled at his hair.
Rhett knew he was good at sex, but he hadn’t gone down on a girl in a long time, just quick fucks to forget his pain. But his face between YFN’s legs was something he’d had been thinking about a lot. Rhett put one of her legs over his shoulder and devoured her like a man possessed, using her pretty noises as cues on what she liked. And when he pressed his fingers into her tight, wet pussy for the first time, he nearly came in his pants like a fucking teenager.
YFN whimpered incoherently and as he worked her towards her high. She cried out when she orgasmed, and Rhett moaned as she clenched around his fingers and drenched his chin. He couldn’t help himself, he sucked her clit and pumped into her until she begged for him to stop.
Rhett looked up at YFN. Her skin was flushed, hair mussed up, her pink lips were swollen, and her eyes were shining.
She had never looked more beautiful.
And he told her so.
“You’re fuckin’ beautiful.”
A dopey smile graced her face as she came down from her high.
“Sorry I hadn’t said it ‘fore sweetheart.” he said softly.
“You’re beautiful too you know baby.” she said as she pulled on his head to get him to stand.
Rhett felt himself blush at that. He’d had women tell him all kinds of filthy things, but her sweet words made him fucking blush.
He laughed at the thought “I ain’t been that called that ‘fore.”
“I’m gonna call you that every day if I get to see you flush all pretty pink like that.” she giggled and kissed him not caring that she tasted herself as she worked to open his belt and jeans.
Rhett helped her as they kissed messily and he lowered his jeans and YFN took his thick cock in her hand and stroked him, “I fuckin’ knew you’d go commando.” she purred.
Rhett sucked in a breath as she rolled her thumb across the head of his hard dick.
“Babygirl I ain’t gonna last if you keep doing that.” he choked out and she released him and picked up the condom packet, tearing it open with her teeth and rolled it onto his length.
Rhett backed YFN against the wall again and hooked one of her legs around his hip and he slowly pushed himself into her tight pussy. Her pussy was so warm and wet, and she clenched around him.
“Fuuuck.” he moaned as he filled her all the way.
Rhett started fucking her slowly and deliberately at first, then sped up spurred on by YFN’s pretty sounds.
“I ain’t gonna… I gotta… gotta fuck you hard…please.” he pleaded as he thrust into her.
“Yesss. Fuck me please Rhett.” YFN begged.
Rhett grabbed YFN’s hips and lifted her up, and she wrapped her legs around him, her boots digging into his bare ass. They kissed sloppily as he snapped his hips into her fast and hard.
YFN’s hot mouth sucked on his neck and Rhett felt tell-tale tingle in the base of his spine. He felt the walls of her pussy start to tighten and she moaned loudly into his neck “Cum for me baby.”
Her clenching walls and the words against his skin pushed Rhett over the edge. He let out a deep groan as the orgasm hit him, YFN’s tight heat clamping down on him as she came with him. His body shook both from cumming so hard and holding YFN up, so pulled out and slowly put her down.
Rhett removed the condom and tossed it on the ground. He stood there in a daze with mussed hair and flushed skin, his softening cock out hanging out, and his jeans around his ankles, bare ass showing. He must have looked a fucking sight.
YFN’s fucked out eyes lazily flicked over him and she lifted an eyebrow “You good?” she said with a sly smile.
Rhett laughed because she looked wild too, dress bunched up and the top pulled down, full tits on display. He pulled up his jeans and ran a hand through his messy hair. Rhett stepped closer to her again and fixed her dress, combed his fingers through her hair and kissed her softly and sweetly.
“Thank you for waitin’ for me, followin’ my lead.” YFN said tenderly.
Rhett nodded “I’ll follow you anywhere sweetheart. Thank you for trustin’ me.”
YFN smiled at him “I trust you with everythin’.” she said sincerely.
Whiskey whinnied in the stall next to them and they both laughed, forgetting she’d been there the whole time.
Rhett grinned at YFN “I ain’t gonna be able to keep my hands off you now, you know.”
“I’m countin’ on it.” YFN said and smiled widely.
Rhett took her hand and laced their fingers together and they walked out of the stables. “Don’t know ‘bout you but I’m starvin’.” he said.
“I thought you just ate.” YFN replied innocently, batting her eyelashes at him.
“Your gonna be the death of me woman.” Rhett grunted and smacked her ass.
YFN giggled and tried to get away from him and tripped, landing in a small pile of dry manure on the ground. She laughed loudly as got up and as she tried to wipe of the chunks of it off her dress.
“I must look a sight now.” YFN laughed.
“You’re still the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.” Rhett said honestly.
He gave her a wry smile “You do smell like shit though.”
Her melodic laugh that followed was the sweetest sound, and Rhett felt fortunate that he was the one responsible for it.
……
Since that day in the stables, Rhett and YFN struggled to keep their hands off each other. A quick fuck when they were supposed to be working, his dick in her mouth in the bathroom at the bar or taking their time to make love slowly at night in the loft. Rhett loved every moment with her, and he burnt each one into his mind so he would never forget.
But the first time YFN saw Rhett bull riding, was one of his fucking favourite memories of her. He’d been riding well again and YFN claimed she didn’t want to be bad luck, so she never had watched him. But he’d been invited to a top tier PBR competition and his whole family was coming to watch, so Rhett got Amy to beg her, knowing YFN couldn’t say no to his niece.
Rhett’s first ride was decent, he made the 8, got style points on the board and he felt great. He looked up to his family in the crowd, Cecelia and Amy cheered and a small smile graced Royal’s face. But Rhett would never forget the look on YFN. She sat still, face flushed and her mouth in the shape a little ’o’ in surprise. Rhett was a little concerned that watching him had upset her, but then he saw her bite her lip and her blush travelled down her neck towards her tits. She shifted in her seat and subtly rubbed her thighs together. She was not upset, she fucking liked it.
After his second ride, Rhett tried to find YFN and had to ignore the advances of a couple of tarted up, handsy ‘buckle bunnies’, while he searched for her. He saw YFN as she walked over and she was the complete opposite of the women he used to go for. She was fucking gorgeous.
YFN smiled widely at him, her eyes shining until she saw one of the girl’s hand run down his chest. Rhett brushed the hand away but YFN’s expression had changed. She was jealous. Fuck was it a turn on.
YFN pushed past the women, pulled Rhett to her, and kissed him hard.
“Ah honey, he’s taken.” one of the ‘bunnies’ huffed.
“Yeah, he is taken huunney, by me.” YFN said drawing out the nickname sarcastically.
“I don’t see a ring or a cowboy hat on you.” and both women snickered at her.
“Not yet, but he’s mine, so spread the fuckin’ word.” she spat.
He had never seen YFN so possessive, and it was so fucking sexy.
Jesus. He needed to be inside her now. Thank fuck he had a while till his next ride.
Rhett grabbed YFN’s hand and dragged her towards his truck. “That’s the hottest thing I ever saw.” he growled.
He looked at her and she was as turned on as he was, her eyes wild with want. Rhett groaned at the sight and picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. YFN squeaked, then laughed loudly as he practically sprinted to his truck.
Once they were in the front seat, Rhett placed his Stetson on the passenger side and YFN straddled him and they kissed each other fiercely while she ground herself on the hard cock in his jeans.
“Gotta put a ring on your finger, so everyone knows your mine.” YFN said breathlessly as shimmed out of her shorts and panties best she could in the cramped space, leaving them dangle from one ankle.
Fuck yes he wanted that. To have YFN as his wife.
“You proposin’?” he asked, scrambling to undo the fly of his jeans, and free his aching dick.
“No baby, that’ll be on you.” she gasped as Rhett rubbed his fingers over her pussy and he grunted when he felt how wet she was.
“I will. Don’t you worry. How ‘bout for now, I just mark you up real pretty so everyone knows your mine.” he murmured in her neck as he sucked on skin to leave little bruise.
“Or you could cum inside me. That’d make me yours.” YFN cried as he fucked his fingers into her.
Rhett let out a deep rumbling groan.
“Fuckin’ hell yes. You know ain’t done that ‘fore. You want me to fill up your sweet little pussy? You gonna watch me ride while you’re full of my cum?” he growled.
YFN whimpered and nodded as she rocked on his hand, as his fingers pumped her pussy.
“God I want to so bad. I know we’re clean sweetheart but what if I knock you up?” Rhett asked as he watched her beautiful face while she chased her high.
“Then you’ll make the best daddy.” she moaned.
Rhett groaned loudly and removed his fingers “Please. Fuck. Get on my cock. I gotta fuckin’ put a baby in you.”
YFN lined herself up and sunk down on him and the tightness and heat of her pussy with nothing between made Rhett nearly blow his load right then.
“Fuuuck!” he moaned loudly.
His fingers found her clit again, the other hand clutched at her hip tightly. YFN rode his dick hard, and he matched her movements with thrusts of his own.
Rhett started spewing out filthy things as she fucked him.
“Jesus babygirl. You feel so fuckin’ good takin’ me with nothin’ between us.”
YFN babbled words senselessly.
“That’s it’s fuck yourself on me. Gonna fill you up, plant my seed. Can’t wait to see you round with my baby.”
Rhett quickened his movements on her clit and bucked up harder into her tight heat.
YFN let out a series of loud moans as she got closer.
“Fuck you’re taking me so well. Gonna be such a great mamma sweetheart. Be a good girl and cum for me so I can fill your pussy. You’re gonna take every last drop.” he whispered and nipped at the slope of her neck.
“Oh my god Rhett I’m gonna…” YFN whined, and Rhett felt her spasm and clamp down on his cock as her orgasm hit her.
Rhett slammed his hips up in to her hard.
“Fuck. YFN I…” Rhett choked out as he came and emptied himself into her tight heat.
He pumped into her for a few more seconds before stilling. YFN was breathing heavily, face flushed, lips red and puffy with a bead of sweat from her temple rolling down her face.
God. She looked thoroughly fucked.
“Best ride of my life.” YFN said with a breathy laugh, and her pussy lightly clenched around his dick making Rhett groan a little.
“Oh sorry.” she giggled and went to move off him.
He grabbed her hips and kept her in place. “No gotta make sure it takes. You ain’t cleanin’ up neither. Gotta keep as much cum in you as we can.” Rhett grunted.
YFN gasped “Usually such a quiet boy. Who knew you got a real filthy streak hey?” she teased.
Rhett brought a hand up to push back the sweaty hair off her forehead.
“First time I seen you jealous. Then you rode me bareback… I don’t think you know what you’ve done. I’m gonna fuck so many babies into you YFN.” he warned.
“Let’s just work on number one for now.” she said as Rhett reached for her panties and helped her as she lifted off him.
He laughed as he fixed up his jeans. He opened the truck door to let some air in once YFN had managed to pull her cut-offs back up.
“Do I look presentable. I gotta go sit with your family remember.” she said passing Rhett his hat, as they got out of the truck.
Rhett chucked at her “YFN, ain’t no way to sugarcoat it. You look like you’ve been fucked.”
“I guess it ain’t no worse than them catchin’ us at the ranch.” YFN said teasingly.
“I gotta go sweetheart. One more ride. He’s the hardest bull but I have a good feelin’ ‘bout it.” Rhett said as he gave YFN as short kiss and made a move to walk back to the arena.
He stopped after a couple of steps, turned and said “As soon as I’m done, we’re goin’ home. Gotta get your legs ‘around my shoulders. Reckon that’s the best way to fuck a baby into you.”
YFN gasped in surprise.
“Holy shit Rhett. You gotta mouth on you. Lucky you’re sweet to me. I better be an Abbott by the time I’m showin’ got it?” she said.
Rhett just winked at her with a wide smile.
……
The clocked ticked over, Rhett made the 8 and got awarded good style points on his third and final ride. That was the best ride of his life and he laughed aloud when he saw YFN cheering, because she’d just said that about her ride in his truck. The crowd went crazy and when he looked at the scoreboard, he had won.
Fuck it felt great.
Rhett gave the crowd a little wave in acknowledgement and jogged back to the gate and picked up his hat that had come off during the ride. He thanked his team and shook hands with the other riders. Rhett wandered through the well-wishing spectators to find his family.
Amy found him first, she ran over and jumped into his arms and cried “You won Uncle Rhett!” and he chuckled and gave her a big hug.
Cecelia patted Rhett’s cheek with affection as he released Amy from his arms.
Royal stood in front of him stoically and offered his hand to shake. Rhett took it and his father gripped it strongly “Proud of you son. For everythin’.” he said simply.
Rhett nodded at him a little shocked because Royal hadn’t ever praised him with words before.
YFN observed their moment with a small smile and when Royal dropped Rhett’s hand, she stepped forward and embraced him.
“Everyone finally sees what I have all along.” she whispered into his ear while he hugged her tightly.
Rhett realised he was happy. Fucking honest to god happiness. Something he thought he would never have. Winning a top tier rodeo, being in love, his family’s respect, and a successful ranch in his name. He knew he wouldn’t have had any of that without the beautiful woman in his arms.
Rhett was a quiet man and didn’t really like to be the centre of attention, but right now he couldn’t give a fuck.
He blocked out the people around them and took off his Stetson and got down on one knee.
He might be good at talking dirty, he’d been set off by the thought of breeding YFN. But when it came to feelings, he struggled with words, especially in front of a crowd. So he kept it simple.
“I’m fixin’ on marryin’ you, YFN. If you’ll have me?” Rhett asked, his voice trembled from the gravity of the moment.
YFN was surprised, but she smiled widely “You know I will Rhett Abbott.”
Rhett got up and placed his hat on her head like he’d promised himself he would one day. The significance of it wasn’t lost on YFN, she knew what it meant if a cowboy gave his hat to a woman.
“I love you so much… I ain’t got a diamond for you though.” he said softly.
YFN shook her head, her eyes filled with love. “I don’t need one. This is better.” she said as her fingers touched the brim of the hat.
Rhett kissed her, long and deep. And the crowd around them cheered. And a few ‘buckle bunnies’ whined.
YFN laughed lightly “Well they know who you belong to now.”
“I love you baby. Now go get your winnings champ so we can get on home and get to makin’ that baby.” she said quietly so only he could hear.
Rhett grinned and said “Yes ma’am.”
……
As Rhett drove his truck home from the rodeo, he looked over at YFN as she slept in the passenger seat, His hat on her head and he smiled to himself. Before YFN, Rhett’s life was mediocre at best and he wasn’t anything special; just a fucked-up, empty disappointment to himself and others. But she saw something in him, loved him and protected him and helped him to see what he could be.
He loved her more than anything.
“What’s got you smiling like that?” YFN said groggily from beside him as she started to rouse.
Rhett chuckled at her sleepy voice and reached out his hand and found hers and laced their fingers together.
“You.” he said simply as he turned into the long driveway of the Abbott Ranch.
“You might look tough on the outside, but you’re sweet and soft in the middle aren’t you hmm...” YFN said teasingly.
Rhett smiled as he put the truck in park. He hopped out and ran around the front to open YFN’s door.
She smiled at him sweetly as she got out of the truck, leant against the door and said, “You know my mamma always said, ‘Find a man that works hard, uses their manners, rides a bull like there’s no tomorrow, and treats you like a queen’.”
Rhett looked at YFN and she smiled softly at him. He replied with the same thing as he always did “You always listen to your mamma?”
YFN laughed a little “I did this time and it worked out pretty perfect. You’re the best man I ever known.” she said fondly.
“I ain’t good with words sweetheart…” Rhett took a deep breath, stepped closer to her, and said softly “You came into my life and made me believe I was worth somethin’. You’re everythin’ YFN. So beautiful inside and out. Gonna make sure you always know that no hour of my life will ever be wasted with you by my side.”
YFN gazed at him lovingly “Wow. Rhett. That was…” she drifted off into a whisper and leant up and kissed him softly.
“Ain’t no good with words, my ass. You’re a fuckin’ poet. That gonna be your weddin’ vows? Not sure you can top that” YFN said sarcastically.
Rhett chuckled lightly and teased “Nah. We’re gonna stick with the traditional ones where you vow to obey me.”
YFN laughed heartily and taunted him “Well if you’re stickin’ to traditional, you can’t go knockin’ me until we’re married, can you now.”
Rhett smiled mischievously. “Now you know that ain’t happenin’ sweetheart. In fact I’m gonna fuck a baby into you right now.” he promised and picked YFN up bridal style and carried her to the loft as her sweet laugh filled the air.
The next day, Rhett and YFN went for an early ride through the trails of the Abbott Ranch. He stood behind her and held her in his arms as they watched the sun bleed over the land. He breathed deeply and inhaled the crisp air and YFN’s scent.
God he was fucking happy.
Rhett never thought he’d ever have this, ever deserve this feeling. It had been a long, hard, winding road to reach it and there’d be work to do to keep it. But now that he had it, he was never going to let it go.
……
#rhett abbott#rhett abbott fic#rhett abbott x reader#rhett#outer range#outer range fic#lewis pullman#rhett abbott imagine#rhett abbott x you
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Playing Style Savvy for the first time has been pretty cool, delving into a kind of game we don't usually play and getting to experience the fashion world as trans women. (Incidentally, I say "we," we're a plural system. Please don't get mad, at least not in the replies. I'm Maya, I love fashion, and that's about all you need to know.) But playing it has also called attention to something that I just cannot ignore as a fat trans woman, which is the lack of body diversity. So, let's get into it.
So, I wanna start with a concept I'll call "the world of pretty." This is a fictional setting where just about every character is some kind of attractive. Style Savvy is obviously a world of pretty, but so is Final Fantasy, Hades, a lot of anime, and the portfolios of plenty of artists on this site. And this is a good, fun thing, you know? It gives the work a kind of appeal that's incredibly straightforward to understand, so I don't need to dwell on it for too long.
Here's the thing, though. I am, as I said, a fat trans woman. Not many worlds of pretty include someone with a body like mine, because trans bodies are so often forgotten, and fat bodies are simply excluded from a lot of people's idea of what an attractive person looks like. So when Style Savvy doesn't even let me be an XL, the implication is that my actual body is not worth having in your world. And that's not even to mention the limited or non-presence of people of color in many of these works. When I realize that my own body is excluded from a world of pretty, the illusion shatters.
Now, the fact I mentioned tumblr artists as an example of this might raise some eyebrows. After all, this kind of thinking can easily drive someone to hassle an indie artist about changing their style or preferences. I don't want to encourage that here, and if you've received grief about not drawing fat, trans or PoC characters, I'm sorry that happened, and it shouldn't have. I've been in the position of wanting to have this kind of conversation, but knowing it could easily get drowned out by people who do not fucking speak for me. I just want you to be mindful that, when you make attractive character art for a long time, you inevitably create a world of pretty, for good and ill. I can't tell you how to use that power, but I want you to know that it's there.
And, additionally, there are excuses, some better than others. Final Fantasy and Style Savvy are both inspired by high fashion and normal people fashion respectively, so it makes sense their characters all look like models. Worlds of pretty are very marketable, and it can be a hard sell to break from that mold. And it is genuinely hard to have diversity in your work, in a way I will explain right now.
Okay, look. To give Style Savvy its due... gamedev is hard. I would know, this body does it all the time. So like, if you're making a game with any kind of visual element, you need either sprites (2D drawings basically) or models (Basically 3D puppets with potentially hundreds of moving parts). And these models will almost always require a rig, like, a skeleton with bones and joints, that determines how the model can move.
From a production standpoint, you can crank out new characters from the same base model, much easier and faster than if you spent the time building another model with a unique rig. I can't speak for this exactly, because we've never done 3D dev before, but it's just way less of a headache and a hurdle if you're trying to get the most "content" out of your limited budget of staff and time. It just makes sense not spending the time to make different body types, especially in a game like Style Savvy where they'd also have to do a metric shitton of work modeling all the clothing for each distinct body type. I understand this. We sympathize. But what it means is that fat bodies are not in the games' world of pretty.
(hey, Angie here now) so like, i am not immune to the world of pretty. it's part of why i like the things i do, and it's part of why i picked up style savvy to begin with. even as the illusion shatters, i still like a lot of media and artists that don't really do body diversity. but at the same time, as i was playing style savvy i started imagining a version of it that actually did have what i wanted, and used that to create an even more positive experience. like, imagine playing one of these games, playing a clerk at a boutique, and then a trans woman comes through the door, bashful about her looks but desperately wanting to find something that suits her. i'm imagining a world of pretty that includes all body types, that finds beauty in every body. and i know i can't create this because i'm a lowly game designer... but i imagine it and i start to feel happy.
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Chaol and Aelin getting a confrontation scene in queen of shadows I need for personal catharsis. Meant as pro chaol, but I really just wanted aelin to look at her hypocritical views on how she values the lives of others.
・✦・✦・✦・
“This was my home too.” Aelin snaps.
Chaol scoffs, “Some home you must have had. If all you talk about is burning it to the ground.”
“Shouldn’t I?” Aelin asks, dangerously low, “Adarlan conquered my people, killed my family, made us slaves!”
Aelin stalks closer to him, shoulders tight, “Don’t you think that’s worth burning it down for?”
This time Chaol watches her, stares right into her eyes to find her answer—and laughs. Laughs so hard he’s nearly crying, nearly falling to the ground in hysterics.
“Ohhhhh,” Chaol says, stretching out the sound almost maliciously, “so that’s what this is?”
Chaol takes in a deep breath, that damned smile still on his face and asks, “Just tell me the truth. You just want an excuse for all your rage. You want to burn these streets? Fine. But don’t blame the people of Adarlan. They were just as much slaves to this kingdom as you were.”
That rage that Chaol taunted her for boils over into something sharp and the fire in her veins becomes molten.
Chaol’s head turns back with such force that she’s almost surprised that she’s slapped him. Almost.
After a silent, tense moment, Chaol chuckles and the anger in his eyes almost looks like pain, “Is that the only way you know how to treat me, Celaena?”
Her old name whispers against her heart, slithering its way into her soul, biting and poisoning her blood. It feels like an accusation.
Horribly, it feels like the truth.
“Don’t you dare,” she chokes on her fury, “Don’t you dare.”
“Is it?” He asks quietly, all of his previous humor gone like it was never even there, before he begins again with hollow eyes. “My people were forced into this war, and were hunted down when they resisted. Magic was so newly stolen away that they didn’t stand a chance. You’ve forgotten, oh great queen, that the slaughter began here first.”
Chaol steps closer, close enough that his breath mingles with hers, “Did you also forget that Adarlan also used its own people in labor camps, to make the war even possible? Do you know what family names were wiped out on that day? What children were put in chains for? Where they were buried?”
Quietly, almost like a dying breath, he leans in closer and his words gut her like a dagger, “They don’t have graves. Or records. Or even anyone here left to remember them. To know their lives, to know their fucking names.”
Aelin takes in a sharp breath, hating him. Hating him with all her broken heart. Hates the tears in his eyes, hates his last name, hates his grief. She burns and burns and hates.
“If you really hate anyone, Aelin,” and something in her rips apart in the way he says her name, “you should at least hate the right people. After all, if you want to hate me for serving a king I never wanted to serve, just like you, or even if you want to hate me for Nehemia,” Aelin can feel the crack in his voice as his says her dead friend’s name, “alright, I’ll carry that hatred for you.”
“Just think, that when you do finally point your sword at Adarlan, know you’ll kill a beggar’s child before you even reach his throne.”
Aelin gasps as the tears falling down her face scald her cheeks. She stares into his cold gaze and she can’t look away as that part of her she’s achingly fueled her whole life dies out, and she’s left with something worse than hate.
“That is what killing means to me, what the weight of a life means to me. Assassin or not, queen or not, I am sick of hearing of how you only value life when it suits you.”
・✦・✦・✦・
(Here’s some more because I’m being petty)
・✦・✦・✦・
The sword is heavy in his hands as he beheads another Valg.
When his sword stops ringing and everything stills, he pauses to feel the black, rotting blood that stains his clothes, his blade, his skin—he knows he’ll never forget the smell even at his dying breath.
Still, he kneels next to the severed head. Not a guard, or a rebel.
He grabs a large cloth from his vest and ties it closed next to the other three heads leashed onto his belt.
He stands up, the weight of his bones aching, and he continues the hunt.
Step by step, the only thing that can comfort him is the knowledge that he might have a sliver of a chance that he would one day know the names of the heads at his thigh.
As they brush against the scabbard of his sword, he swears to himself and all his wretched dead that he won’t let them die nameless.
・✦・✦・✦・
Did you notice how I didn’t name him once, yeah that was intentional, thank you and goodbye
Also yeah I mirrored aelin’s way of her talking about her beloved dead / his wretched dead all refer to all the people he’s killed
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Twenty Questions for Fic Writers 💫
thank you @decaflondonfog for the tag !! ill tag @sillyunicorn @starwarned @urban-sith @tea-brigade
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
98!! (woah) plus an unrevealed t&n fest fic, so 99. wow i need to do something rly crazy for 100 lol. what if i do a ridiculous crossover of all my fandoms and everyone in the fandom tags will hate me.
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
544,914. (again. woagh)
3. What fandoms do you write for?
mostly all for the game and simon snow series, have dabbled in & posted even less for check please, captain america, and one direction! i feel like i’m missing something but regardless my fixations are hardcore, so all except like 4k of that posted wc is for either aftg or ss hahahha
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
all are andreil! boyfriend privileges (4k, T) / Trigger (62k, E) / flashes of intimacy (10k, t) / Would you still love me if I was a worm? (6k, T) / Inside Thoughts (1k,T)
man this is long, rest is going under the cut lol
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
not very often, but i wish i did. i am stricken with a combination of being really awkward when people are nice to me & being bad at interacting with anyone in ways i fear could be perceived as ingenuine. im not sure if that makes sense LMAO. and sometimes when i put a story out, i kind of feel like i’ve said my piece — i’ve put so much into it that i don’t really know what else to say!
anyway, i always reply to questions, because that’s got clear social boundaries hahaha, and i DO love talking abt my stories!! and sometimes i’ll reply to comments that really get me thinking. but yeah, i know i reply less than i could, and i want to like double down on the fact that i am endlessly grateful for everyone who has ever left a comment on my work <3
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
i have killed simon snow twice lmfao. i’d actually classify icarus as rather hopeful — it’s about grief & healing. but legacies is just fucked up lmfao
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
oh man, i write a lot of happy endings haha. i feel like even when my story is tonally darker (rare), it still has a happy or at least hopeful ending. this is probably not the correct answer, but i think sing of the moon has a really vividly happy ending. like — the sun rises for the first time in the whole fic! amazing. or maybe my high school au, We Can Live Forever, which is just the happiest thing i’ve ever written.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
not really, thankfully! people are smartasses sometimes but overall ive been lucky. there have been a couple of fics where ive winced before hitting post, but it usually ends up fine
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
yessss. i guess i mostly write tender smut, bc i write tender things in general. i think my smut tends to be rather exploratory/playful as well? intentionally sloppy and awkward choreography hahaha
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
sort of LOL. once upon a time i was betaing @tea-brigade's medieval snowbaz au, Reliquary of an Arsonist, and there’s this part where three highway bandits mug simon and baz and then get blasted by simon’s chosen one magic. i am sick in the head so im in the google doc like “lol what if its kandreil.” and then i was like… what if it was kandreil….. and so i wrote Reliquary of a Bandit
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
i don’t think so
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
yes!!! and i’m really thankful for everyone who has done so <3333 shoutout to russian aftg translators, yall go HARD
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
i recently collaborated with @thewholelemon on our episode of Star Trek: Redemption, Heart-Shaped Box. by which i mean: i wrote the outline & a few scenes, got really overwhelmed, and jenny turned it into something worth reading!
i also wrote Good Boy in the snowbaz stoner verse with @starwarned, which was rly fun — we sat in the google doc for like, 5 hours trading back and forth on POVs as we wrote pure porn together LOL. it’s funny to think about this, because lauren knows like everything abt me now but we did not know each other as well back then!!! and we were just like “yeah lets write porn together” hahahahha
14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?
right now it is deeefinitely andreil… they are everything to me for reasons i just cannot possibly be brief about LOL so ill just leave it at that
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
i have a postcanon snowbaz time travel/time loop wip that i was going to try to write for COBB this year but i fucked up the deadlines then the brainrot was like “guess that means more andreil !”. i did SO MUCH research for it and i think it’s rather clever and smutty and fun bc they are yeeted back to watford era! but it’s also dealing with snowbaz, who are in their late 20s and are like in a relationship low point/actively fighting when they end up in the loop… so they are dealing with that tension at the same time as they are trying to get out of the loop. and also fucking around watford to fulfill fantasies HAHAHA
16. What are your writing strengths?
characterization is the thing i care most about! and i think that’s the draw of fanfic in particular to me — i love getting such a grasp on a character that i can translate them into endless situations while still making them feel true to self. i rarely let myself publish anything until i can read through the whole thing without any he would not fucking say that moments hahahha. this is of course pertaining to my own interpretations of the characters, which is the only thing i care abt lmfao
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
i rely a lot on body language because im always writing abt reticent fuckers who cant use their words. but i think i sometimes overcompensate, or describe actions that don't actually fit the scene. i've seen this described as "cheek-biting" -- like, throwing in action during a conversation just to delay the pacing/further the tone, but when you really look at it, it's not necessary. (cheek-biting being like, "character bites at their cheek" in the middle of a tense conversation)
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
i don’t really know any other languages! i think i’ve put a little bit of french in neil/kevin/baz POVs before, but my french knowledge is elementary at best. love the idea of it though.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
one direction babyyyyyyyy !! i wrote quite a bit of it in like 2012-2015 but published very little. there’s 1 on my ao3, some lost somewhere on fanfiction.net (i dont rmr my username lol), and tons in my folders from my old laptop lol.
20. Favourite fic you’ve written?
hmmmmm. im gonna cheat bc i cant pick a single favorite. i always say i think No Turning Back is some of my best writing from a craft standpoint, and it also includes my favorite type of conflict (andrew self-destructing lol). however, i reread both that fic & We Can Live Forever on a plane trip recently after not having touched either for 6+ months — and the solidness of We Can Live Forever actually surprised me, especially because i wrote the majority of that fic while i was stoned and also view it as just exceedingly silly. the world of it is just very rich, and also very very different from the typical character backstories, and i’m very proud of how much that reread played with my heartstrings.
ok last one — there are several installments of my flashes of intimacy series that i come back to a lot, because i’m proud of what they each accomplish in 500 words. especially because i often turn to those when im trying to express my own emotions lol. specifically, my favorites are picking fights, i don’t mind, swimming lessons, and practicing gratitude.
that was such a bullshit and cocky way to answer this lmfaooooo. but tbh i am my own biggest fan and that is by design — i write stuff so that i can reread it months later and have it be perfectly catered to my tastes. i love all my fics <3
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While I know that Jason interacts with Harvey Dent in Task Force Z and that he had arcs with Black Mask and Penguin in rhato, I wish that dc would explore what he thinks of these men more thoroughly and with respect or at least references to his pre-flashpoint history with them.
Because one of Jason’s big points for why killing would be the better option is the amount of bodies afterwards is not? Why are the lives of innocents worth less than their murderers or their hypothetical redemption?
Jason saved Black Mask’s life as Robin. He is the reason Sionis was alive to do everything he did. It would be so interesting to see that fact eat Jason up inside. That because he saved this man’s life, Sionis was able to become someone that ruins lives whether they be his clientele (which Catherine would have been) or his workers (which Willis would have been). Sionis is basically one of the biggest threats to kids like Jason was, but also one of the biggest threats to Park Row and from what we’ve seen he’s made himself a pillar of Gotham’s underworld, meaning that he can’t just be killed because the fallout would be catastrophic.
With Penguin, well the story was retconned and will never be touched again because it paints Bruce is a negative light, but back in the day he used to just be a jewel thief. None of this organized crime business he mostly stole stuff. And at one point he actually tried to go straight. And Bruce didn’t believe him despite Jason arguing that Penguin was genuinely turning a new leaf. Instead he gets thrown into jail and it’s kind of fucked up in the way comics are and after Jason’s death he along with several other rogues end up taking a level in depravity and competence. So we could honestly have this be Penguin’s “Then Let Me Be Evil” point. We could have him be both a reason why Bruce hangs so hard onto redemption (because he didn’t believe someone before and they came out worse) but also as a symbol to Jason about how the system doesn’t work and was never designed to work. Because Penguin came out worse and for a long time basically flaunts the fact that he’s a criminal with a thin veneer of legality that works because of his money.
And with Harvey, well. Harvey is Bruce’s friend. A very close friend that Bruce should remember every time they are clashing. Bruce remembers Harvey Dent the district attorney. He remembers a good person. Not only that but Harvey’s been pretty consistent in the fact that he very much needs help. He’s had a couple of arcs across different media where he is ‘cured’ (which is its own can of worms) and how in the end it didn’t matter because he became Two-Face again. And this should infuriate Jason because Harvey murdered Willis. Harvey is one of the reasons Jason’s life sucked so much! Without Willis he and Catherine didn’t have enough money to survive! Even if Jason didn’t like Willis or if the abuse retcons stick, he knows that without Willis they couldn’t survive. And Harvey had him killed! Harvey should be Bruce’s longshot, the man Bruce never gives up on, and he should be a symbol of Bruce’s selfishness to Jason because how many people ended up the same as him because of Harvey.
(Side Note: I love how when Jason says “Only him” referring to the Joker, he brings up Harvey who caused a lot of grief, Penguin who got worse in the system, and Crane who doesn’t even see people as people. Like these guys are obviously not good and Jason’s like, “Not even these horrible people causing suffering, just the clown.”)
On the other side I want to see Jason interact with Killer Croc and Ivy as well.
Croc’s one of those characters who’s actually been treated pretty nicely after flashpoint and while that is wild it could also be used. We know he has chilled out since his debut (though is he still a cannibal? I’m really not sure). He’s canonically Roy’s AA sponsor (which again, wild as shit. But even with how Roy’s been handled I love the idea that he was at such a low point he was trying to commit “Suicide by Croc” which honestly feels like something vigilantes do (continue to fight with little care to themselves and hope someone takes them out in a way they’d still be viewed as a hero for)). He has been drafted into the Suicide Squad (which again, another way to show that the system doesn’t work because good lord is Task Force X so many human right violations [but also something I can see the actual U.S. government doing]). So he’s killed a ton of people but he’s also pretty much “Out of my territory and you’re fine”, saved someone close to Jason, and generally not in Jason’s way. Like how would Croc file into Jason’s morality? Does it even matter?
And with Ivy, well... She’s right. Corporations are absolutely destroying the planet, and if anything Gotham’s like one of the worst at it considering all the weird chemicals and shit. Like the way Ivy goes about it is both wrong and absurdly incompetent, but she has the right idea. No Man’s Land has been retconned but the event was kind of Ivy’s first steps into anti-villain as far as I’m aware of (until Harley Quinn exploded in popularity and just absorbed her into her sphere). How does Jason act with someone who does bad shit but if reigned back a little, would cause way more good than bad in the long run. Or does he only care about the ‘right now’?
Uhhh, this was really long and consists of mostly word vomit but tldr; Jason should interact with the rogues besides the clowns and everyone adjacent to them because they either tie into his morals or history and that’d be cool.
#Man this is a mess#I didn't expect to just word vomit everything I just wanted to see more Harvey-Jason content and remembered about Penguin and Black Mask#And then I thought about Croc and Ivy#He'd probably have an interesting relationship with Freeze too I think because of the whole 'Sacrificing everything I am for them' thing#What rogue/hero interactions that we don't see/don't see enough do you think would be cool#Except for the clowns. I'm sick of them#Jason Todd#Roman Sionis#Harvey Dent#Oswald Cobblepot#Pamela Isley#Waylon Jones#Don't 'uhm actually' me I will. not. care.
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If Lupin and Tonks had survived the battle do you think their relationship would’ve lasted
i love this question. this isn't something that gets much discussion within the remadora fandom.
i lean toward no. i think lupin and tonks would have had a very difficult time of it after the war for a lot of reasons.
it's hard to say exactly what the political/legal/social landscape would have looked like in the first few years after the battle of hogwarts, but i think it's reasonable to think that even if the legal status of werewolves changed immediately (doubtful), their position in society would be much slower to shift. (it's worth pointing out, because in lupin-centric fics it usually gets glossed over, that it makes sense to be afraid of werewolves! werewolves are dangerous!) so, after the war, lupin is likely still unemployable and kind of a pariah. it's likely that tonks will have lost friends over it, and would be treated differently at work and in any social spaces where people know who her husband is. probably also very difficult for lupin to participate in the public/social aspects of parenting, and school-age teddy is likely to see social fallout from this, too.
those things alone are a huge strain on a relationship, and then there's the fact that lupin is likely to continue agonizing and self-destructing over them. everything he feared their relationship would mean for tonks & teddy is still going to be true. lupin is deeply traumatized and has a ton of maladaptive behaviors toward other people that are clearly evident in canon (manipulativeness, dishonesty, keeping people at a distance, bottling his emotions - and this is the tip of the iceberg that's visible in the books, you can certainly extrapolate a lot more) and i think it's unrealistic to imagine that his epiphany in the last book changed all of this. dude needs therapy, probably a lot of it. being in a relationship with lupin would fucking suck.
meanwhile, tonks is quite young, and canon suggests she has idealistic views about love. she's experienced a huge amount of change in her society, her career and her personal life in a very short time, she's definitely traumatized as well, she's got a baby, she's probably the sole breadwinner, AND she's got all of lupin's issues—psychological and social and health and supernatural issues—to deal with. that is a LOT. sooner or later, once all the big feelings of a new relationship start to die down, staying together is going to be a ton of hard, ugly work for both of them. even healthy partnerships would struggle to survive stuff like this—and i don't think lupin and tonks' relationship seems particularly healthy.
divorce isn't really ever mentioned in hp canon, so who knows what options lupin and tonks would feel like they had, but if they did stay together i feel like they'd be in for some very unhappy times.
i should say, and i think this is evident in my work, that the doomedness of lupin and tonks' relationship is one of my favorite things about it. as much as i like them as characters and feel very real huge feelings about the way things went for them, i wouldn't change the fact that they died, nor do i really enjoy imagining a happy ending for them. the brevity and irony and cruelty and mistakes and regrets and wasted time, and the crater of grief they would have left in the lives of the people who loved them, are all part of what makes their little window of time together fascinating to explore.
that said, don't think it would have been such a tragedy if they made it through the war and broke up. especially if they could still amicably co-parent and move on with their lives. sometimes a relationship is beautiful and special and important and worthwhile, and then it runs its course and ends. most relationships are not lifelong relationships. i don't regret the time i spent with people i used to love, nor do i wish i'd stayed in the relationships that fell apart. sometimes people give each other a few years of love and joy and that's enough. remadora, as a story, is a great reminder to savor what you have, and make peace with the things you don't, because right now might be all there is for you.
#remadora#hp meta#hp headcanon#remus lupin#nymphadora tonks#lupin x tonks#remus x tonks#tonks x lupin
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About that Tumblr Bullying
I know I said I was going to do a whole call out post about the bullying that happened to me. Complete with receipts. But a funny thing happened after I posted my little preview post yesterday. My DM’s blew the fuck up with people reaching out to me with, support yes but also, and unfortunately, their own stories of having been bullied. Like a lot of people.
That got me thinking, what happened to me is a drop in the bucket. This problem is much more prevalent than I ever would have thought and that is so disappointing and unfortunate. This is supposed to be fun. Grown adults are not supposed to act this way.
A hate post was made about me, and I was, in fact, clueless to its existence until my little anon friend gave me the heads up. A move that seemed desperate for my attention. I have decided not to give it to them. I have decided that they don’t get any more of my time, attention or energy.
I want to focus, instead, on those being bullied. Because this issue is way larger than just me. I can handle it. I have been through some shit in my life and come through it with flying colors. A little Tumblr hate isn’t about to break me. But I know not everyone has the same level of resilience, not everyone is in a good place, not everyone has a good support system filled with loving, supportive people. I know there are people out there struggling with depression, anxiety, grief, stress, and worse. I know there are people for whom toxic internet bullying could cause a major mental health crisis, or set off a depressive episode or hell, even just seriously mess with their self esteem. My inbox is full of stories of writers doubting themselves, their writing, their worth as a human being because of the atrocious things said to them (way worse than what was said about me).
I want to do a couple of things here. The first is simply to let each and every one of you know that you are worthy. I know my platform isn’t that large, I’m no one special, but to those this does reach, I want to tell you that you do matter! You are worthwhile!
Secondly, I’d like to remind you that you own no one anything, not your time, not your attention, not a response to their messages, not an acknowledgement of their complaints (real or imagined). Literally, nothing.
My advice?
Surround yourself with positive people. Block the negative ones. You lose nothing by cutting toxic people out. Out of your Tumblr feed, out of your Facebook feed or even out of your real life. Sometimes, blocking and moving on with your life is self-care. There are people who thrive on drama and negativity. They can’t live without it, they feed on it. Don’t feed them. Cut off their access to you. Save your energy for those that make you smile, those that see the beauty in you (even when you don’t see it yourself).
When you have the energy/spoons for it, pay it forward every chance you get. Give compliments, prop up other people. You never know when that compliment might be the thing that turns an otherwise dull day into a bright one. And bonus, you’ll feel good about it too! I believe that what we put out in the universe comes back to us. So, send positivity out there every chance you get.
Engage in aggressive self-care. Block out time for yourself. Do the things that you enjoy, eat the foods that you love, allow yourself time to watch that TV show that makes you happy, even if the laundry isn’t done. Take a hot bath, go for a long walk (if you’re able), draw, write, paint, do whatever it is that feeds your soul. And don’t apologize for it, or feel guilty for doing it. Your happiness counts. You count!
If you are struggling, please reach out to someone, talk, tell someone. Don’t keep it all inside, let it out. I know that can be hard sometimes, but it’s crucial for healing. And let’s face it, most of us have unresolved trauma of some sort or another.
The last thing I want to do here is give a little practical advice. I want to offer some tips for how to lock down your account to better protect yourself against being blindsided by anon hate. Here they are:
This is the most obvious one. Turn off anonymous asks. To do this, go to “Account” (little gear icon in upper right hand corner on mobile) and scroll down to “Allow anonymous asks” and toggle it off. <- I did this, because I had witnessed others getting anon hate. I thought it was enough. It wasn’t. Someone determined to stalk, bully and harass you will find another way. So keep reading.
Take away the ability for an anonymous, fake, blog to message you. Yes, you can make it so that only blogs you follow can DM you. To do this, go to “Account” and click on “Account settings” then click on “Messaging”, here you can choose who can message you, pick “only Tumblrs you follow can message”. <- Wish I had known that sooner. Never occurred to me that someone would make an entire fake blog just to send me hate.
Next, if you want, you can limit who may comment on your posts. Go to “Account” then to “Account settings” and click on “Replies” choose “only Tumblrs you follow can reply” <- This is tricky for me, because the whole point of Tumblr is interacting with new people/content. But if you are being stalked, harassed and/or bullied, I would recommend taking this extra step.
This is just a privacy issue, but if you don’t want others to know when you’re active, go to “Account” then “Account Settings” and click on “Privacy”. You can toggle to turn off “Let others see that you’re active”<- Not really going to keep anyone from bullying you, but if you have anxiety about people being mad if you don’t respond when they can see that you are active, then it’s a good thing to deactivate.
If you’ve taken the above steps, then you are safe from anon hate in your asks, your inbox and the comment sections of your posts. <- someone can still create a fake blog and make a nasty comment in a reblog of your post, but at least they have to show their nastiness publicly.
If anyone has more tips that I’ve missed, please respond with a comment or reblog and let us all know!
I’m going to leave you with this little gem. No Time for Toxic People by Imagine Dragons. Lyrics are under the cut.
Lyrics:
The way they look at me, I know exactly
What they talk about when I'm not around
Got no time for that, as a matter of fact
Every day's my birthday, oh, I hope you heard me
Take a look outside, it's a beautiful day, yeah
Yeah, it's a beautiful day, yeah
I'm gonna keep it that way, that way, ayy
Take a real good look, it's a beautiful day, yeah
Yeah, it's a beautiful day, yeah
I'm gonna keep it that way, that way, ayy
So spend your hours on what you think I've done wrong
I know I'm in your mind, I've been here way too long
I want to spend my life with those who's done me right
Your heart is frozen over, I'm a four-leaf clover
Take a look outside, it's a beautiful day, yeah
Yeah, it's a beautiful day, yeah
I'm gonna keep it that way, that way, ayy
Take a real good look, it's a beautiful day, yeah
Yeah, it's a beautiful day, yeah
I'm gonna keep it that way, that way, ayy
Do-do, do-do-do, no time for toxic people
Do-do, do-do-do, no time for that, I
Do-do, do-do-do, no time for toxic people
I, I've got no time for toxic people
Move along, move along, move along, go
Let me go to the clouds below
'Cause they're callin' me up to higher ground
What a teacup sound, even mighty drown, oh
Take a look outside, it's a beautiful day, yeah
Yeah, it's a beautiful day, yeah
I'm gonna keep it that way, that way, ayy
Take a real good look, it's a beautiful day, yeah
Yeah, it's a beautiful day, yeah
I'm gonna keep it that way, that way, ayy
Do-do, do-do-do, no time for toxic people
Do-do, do-do-do, no time for that, I
Do-do, do-do-do, no time for toxic people
I, I've got no time for toxic people
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I mean, MC being Lilith's descendent was to set up their ability to bypass certain wards and such as well as allow them to communicate with her, as far as I'm aware it's the reason they're immune to Asmo's charm as well. MC wouldn't have the ring either if they weren't born with the power of angels.
The game never solved anything by "we have our sister back technically", the entire first season is MC helping the brothers with their problems, including the fact that letting go of the constant grief isn't letting go of Lilith and getting that understanding that moving on isn't bad, you still have her in your heart.
If you're talking about the fandom idea that the brothers only think of MC as Lilith then I'll let you know that was an angst au type thing. If one of the canon brothers treated MC as Lilith or her replacement then I'm almost certain that the others would beat some sense into him and make him apologize.
The brothers love *MC*, not Lilith's descendent. Belphie could be argued but the reveal was more about Lilith getting the life she always wanted in the end (living proof standing in front of him) and that hating *all* humans would be hating her too. And the reason he knows this now, the reason he's back with his brothers, the reason everything's going to be okay is MC. Maybe Lilith's descendent played some part in him wanting to get closer to them at first but I really don't think that'd last, his brothers and even MC would catch on quick and shut that down (saw a fic about that a while ago). After all, he also knew MC before any reveal, they were only "friends" but that meant he did know MC before "Lilith's Descendent".
MC being Lilith's (reincarnation's) descendant just solved certain plot holes with things like their abilities and why Lilith could talk to them but not her brothers.
Sorry if this is messy I'm not great at communicating my points or ideas. I've also got a really bad headache which isn't making it easier--
I actually used to think the same as you in some ways but I've been obsessed with this game for over a year and between rereading the story and reading fandom analysis, I've come to firmly believe that it wouldn't matter if MC wasn't Lilith's descendent, it was just an easy explanation for the plot holes and a typical otome wrap up for what was (iirc) supposed to be a 20 Lesson game.
(Not part of my take but I think the idea of Lilith being so done with the boys' shit and unable to knock some sense into them that she uses "power of fate" to knock around the papers so the boys get to deal with her most chaotic fucking rizzmaster descendent is absolutely hilarious and the entire plot point is worth it just for that)
Hi Anon,
Yeah, the whole thing of Lilith being the reason MC can bypass certain stuff could easily be changed with the fact that the divine fruit Lilith gave her lover allowing them immunity against shit, plus my newest post about Lilith as a concept of love protecting MC (check it out here!) I think i mentioned it? idk, but if i didnt here it is.
As for the "technically we have out sister back" because its so ambiguous with the relationships lilith had with the other brothers, its hard to tell, except lucifer who i think mentions holding MC's hand reminds me of when he would hold lilith's hand which is a weird thing to say on a date.
As for Belphie's situation, yes it does make sense that if Belphie were to hate MC who is a descendant of lilith he'd be hating her as well, but I think it would be much more interesting if we got him to forgive humanity or at least make steps towards it by confronting the one who he blames for it. And by seeing that they still have lilith's blessing it would mean that Lilith still loves them, and by hurting MC belphie is basically spitting in the face of his beloved sister's wishes.
Also overall, I made this version purely because Lilith being the brother's Sister, and MC being her descendant has some really messed up implications (going back to the lucifer part i pointed out) and technically they arent related by blood but if you have to put "technically" in front of something like that its still pretty strange. But im glad to hear your input! I hope you feel better!
#obey me#answered#i hope i didnt sound too aggressive at the end...#anon#obey me headcanons#obey me lilith#lilith obey me
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for everyone who wanted to see a peek of the latest chapter of pressureverse! <3
"He finds Klavier in the maze of backstage doors, sitting primly on a couch as a woman in cross-stamped vest checks him over."
“Don’t see anything worth worrying about, Mr. Gavin. But maybe be careful with the pyrotechnics next time?”
“Oh, trust me, Mein Frau, I have no plans to play with fire any time soon.” Klavier’s winning grin shifts at the sight of him entering the door, stretching into a leer as he straightens up under the EMT’s observation. “But you never know when I might end up in the hot seat, ja?”
Good grief. “I was told you had some testimony for me.” He folds his arms as he draws close, mouth twitching. “Clean bill of health, then?”
“I am right as rain, according to Frau Medic,” he replies brightly, and the EMT nods his direction, closing her kit. “She’s going to work with the technicians and sweep the stage for any electrical problems. I’m afraid she has put you out of a job as far as investigations go, Forehead.”
“Don’t know how much help I’d be with stage safety, anyway," he admits, and bites his cheek. “...You forget my name already, Prosecutor Gavin?”
Klavier blinks, and a sheepish light draws his gaze downward. “Ah. Nein. Sorry, a bad habit.”
“To remember names,” he says, and Klavier's eyes flicker up to his. “I know.” Klavier pauses, as if surprised, and Apollo ignores the off-beat skip behind his sternum. “Is mine that hard to remember?”
Klavier dips his head, an unconvincing attempt at contrite that charms regardless. “No, but can I be blamed for such teasing, when my own rival calls me Prosecutor?”
“Alright then, Klavier,” and Klavier beams, “enough with the forehead thing already. I’m going to get a complex.”
“But that is precisely why it is so good a nickname. It makes a wonderful little vein on your temple twitch just so!” Klavier chuckles, practically sparkling at his noise of displeasure. “And what is a little ribbing between friends?”
“I thought we were rivals." Idly, his attention is drawn to the gold webbing the blue expanse around Klavier’s pupils. He’d never been close enough to notice it before.
“True,” Klavier hums, chin tilting at an angle that speaks dizzying things to his brain. “But who says rivals cannot also be friends?”
“I dunno,” he mumbles, distracted. “The dictionary?”
Gilded blue blinks away as Klavier’s eyes crescent with mirth, and he blinks back to himself, realizing how he’s drifted forward at— all of it. The eyes. The give and take. The low, genuine laughter that reverberates from Klavier’s throat like the strings of his guitar.
What the hell am I doing? he wonders, shifting back on his heels.
“If you want to, you should.”
Wanting a rockstar like Klavier hardly makes him special. He’s a single person in a crowd of thousands— just the only one lucky enough to end up directly across from him. In a courtroom, backstage at a concert. He’s just...himself. He’s used to that, being the least important person in the room. But this.... Klavier— Klavier Gavin is—
“Apollo?”
He stiffens, heart jumping. There’s a deliberate lingering on its syllables, exploratory and light just like the look in Klavier’s eyes.
“Where has your mind gone?” The question is asked gently, with the same curiosity wrapped around his given name, and it’s sincere and real and fuck.
I like him, he thinks, despairing. I really actually like him.
And not just because he’s him, but because of everything else, too.
“Nowhere,” he manages. His face is on fire. Klavier’s too close now, even though the distance between them is the same. He clears his throat, ripping his gaze away before Klavier’s inquisitive nature can look straight through to his mortified, puny soul. “I’m just, uh...I’m gonna go get you some water.”
Klavier blinks at him in surprise, opening his mouth. "I— While I appreciate it, there are some bottles over—”
“I just think you could use some cooling off,” he blurts out, already turning, but not before he sees Klavier’s face fluster.
“Aha, d- danke schoen—”
He flees, stomping away with a face as hot as a stovetop.
Ridiculous, he thinks, moving mindlessly out the door and into the hallway. The impression of Klavier’s flush burns the surface of his mind, haunting his steps just as viscerally as his own embarrassment. God, cooling off? Can’t keep my stupid foot out of my mouth. And he just makes it worse, because he’s a flirt who just can’t help but sound like—
Like he means it.
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I absolutely loved this episode of the last of us but it really emphasised how mean spirited tlou part 2 is and that it was heralded by people as such a masterpiece makes me feel violently depressed about what that says about the bleakness of life and this planet we live on.
Never more than in this week’s episode have we seen so intimately Joel’s mental state. This is an addition in the show; the conversation between Joel and Tommy is very different in the game. We know Joel feels like that but it never says it so explicitly. And that’s a good thing. So much of who Joel is is shaped by his devastating loss. He has severe ptsd and trauma from not only losing Sarah, but the way he lost her. He wasn’t able to save her, he failed her, and that’s why Ellie terrifies him! Because he presumes he’s going to do the same thing again. He’s going to lose her. He even lists ways he’s already let her down. It’s made patently clear in the way he is with Ellie and things he says to her that this fear is because he cares about her. He tells her he does outright. And as he begins to care for her, we see his ptsd rearing its head in more obvious/physical ways. Makes sense, right? Loving someone, caring for them— that’s Joel’s trigger. But we also see something else. We see Joel talking. Jesus he’s barely talked this series so far in the way he does in episode 6. Most of the time his conversations have revolved around logistics and plans. Now he’s talking about dream jobs and football and his old life. And he’s smiling when he does it. He’s laughing. There’s so much contentment in him in his scenes with Ellie. This is what healing looks like. There are painful, heart stopping moments. But there’s also joy. When was the last time Joel felt joy, do you think?
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The Last of Us Part 1 is a love story at its very core. It’s about how love is where you find a reason to live even in dire times like an apocalypse. It’s about how things can seem so bleak but if you allow yourself to love, you CAN find pockets of joy. You can find hope. This is what Joel learns through Ellie. Love makes life worth living again. And, in fact, it saves you. There’s a reason we have a cutscene with Bill in the game in which he tells Joel that caring about someone only gets you killed. It’s not just a throwaway line as we traverse Bill’s Town with him. It’s a proper, cinematic cutscene. Bill tells Joel/us this, and then the narrative works the rest of the time to undermine it. Ellie’s love for Joel is what saves his life in winter. The things she does to keep him alive and safe are insane. It’s not just finding food and water for them both at 14 years old. She finds medicine. She uses herself as bait to keep David away from Joel. That’s nuts! And it’s because of love. Love is what helps Joel not get killed. It’s the same for Ellie later: because Joel loves her, he saves her life instead of letting her get killed. He sees her as a person of value, as a person whose life means something irrelevant of her immunity. He sees her as someone who deserves to live. Love literally saves her fucking life. And as well as all this, we see how love saves Joel and Ellie in every day ways. Ellie is no longer alone and scared. She has someone. Joel finds joy in life again. He pets giraffes and he laughs at stupid jokes and he talks and talks about a life he’s been burying for decades. Who is the only person he’ll accept Sarah’s photo back from? Ellie! ‘I’m taking a ride with my best friend.’ And they ARE best friends. This episode went to great and beautiful lengths to emphasise how broken and afraid Joel is, and how hard it is for him to show up for Ellie, but that he does because he cares for her. It goes to great lengths to show how Ellie is starting to affect a change in Joel; that she’s helping him overcome the grief that has lain stagnant in him for 20 years. It’s starting to show how they’re best friends. It was an exceptional episode. I loved every second of it. But when I think about part 2, I’m so stuck on how mean it all is and how it works against what they (bruce i see you pal) were telling us in part 1.
In fact, it’s not just mean, it’s cruel - both to Joel and Ellie, and to the fans who love them and are attached to their journey and got something out of it. What’s interesting is considering Bill and Frank’s story and the changes that were made to it. I absolutely loved the episode but it’s difficult to completely ignore pinkwashing claims (if you care to look, there have been many complaints about the game and its overall treatment of lgbt+) when Bill is rewarded for doing the same as Joel: he protects his one person too. In doing so he hoards valuable resources that could be used to help thousands of people. In twenty years ordinary people just looking for safety will definitely have made their way to Bill’s Town and been turned away. Bill’s refusal to turn his town into some sort of a functioning community like Jackson definitely killed people. But this is presented as a good thing. He’s protecting Frank. That’s his job. And he’s rewarded with so many happy years and a peaceful death in an apocalypse. There’s a reason that resonates with people more than Bill’s original story which is bleak and sad. He ends up alone. Frank dies hating him. To see instead that actually you can have joy and hope and love in a post apocalyptic world is meaningful to people.
Joel and Ellie are not so lucky. Joel does the same as Bill. He picks Ellie. He does what he has to to protect her. He defends them both from hostile attackers. His refusal to let her be a lab rat prevents a cure (arguably) so people will die but he saves her life and gives her a life worth living, the same as Bill does for Frank. He isn’t rewarded for it. There’s no great love is so good message here. Unlike Bill, Joel is punished so horribly for years in the narrative through Ellie. She’s used as a pawn for the vehicle in which the narrative tells us Joel did something wrong and he deserves punishment. This hurts her too by the way: love has hurt her too. But the narrative has to punish Joel this way to really make sure we know he did something so terribly wrong, so for 2 years Ellie isn’t allowed to give Joel a proper chance to explain. He isn’t allowed to defend himself. And after these long painful years, Joel is then killed. But he’s not just killed. It’s so brutal. It’s long. It’s painful. And Ellie is there to watch, to be held down on floor level so he’s all she can see as he’s killed, and she’s begging him to get up. Bill’s stance and actions are presented as a good thing. He’s the hero who saves Frank and allows him to live a good life. He gets a hero’s story. Joel, on the other hand, is a villain for doing the same thing. He dies a villain’s death.
Ultimately, Bill is right, despite what part 1 appears to be telling you (that’s part of why I hate 2 SO much, it’s so contrary to the themes and messages of 1). Love does get you killed. If Joel didn’t love Ellie he wouldn’t have saved her and he wouldn’t be dead now. Love will make you soft and stupid. You’ll run into rooms of armed strangers without concern after 20 years of being constantly on guard, or at least that was Neil’s explanation as to why Joel would get himself into a situation that was so out of character for him. If you love someone you will be punished for it. They’ll stop speaking to you because you loved them and because of that love knew you had a life of value that was worth living and not because of immunity. They won’t even give you a chance to explain, after all the ways love drove you to keep each other safe and alive. If you love someone you’ll be brutally tortured and murdered and you’ll deserve it. You will be constantly punished and criticised and villainised for that love. Literally, love makes you a villain. You will suffer because of love, you will lose everything. What’s the message here???? What on earth were Neil and Halley trying to say (sos bruce we miss you)???? That healing from your trauma will get you killed? Will get you punished? That Joel should have stayed broken in the QZ? Because if he’d done that, he’d have been better off than his ultimate fate. He wouldn’t have lost a daughter again and he wouldn’t have been beaten to death slowly and died quite likely thinking Ellie’s going to be killed after him so he’s let another daughter die, and he’d probably still have Tess.
Joel, through Ellie and overcoming immense fear and ptsd in order to love her, heals from his trauma, he’s finally able to deal with his grief and move on. He, after twenty years of rejecting it because it caused so much fucking pain, loves again! He truly loves! Then it first hurts him again, and then it kills him. Love is good, love is necessary they told us in part 1. But in part 2 they tell us it WILL get you killed though. And that’s so fucking miserable.
#anyway perfect top tier episode dont get me wrong im so thrilled with it#but how sad is it all in the context of part 2 lmao? ultimately joel was better off as he was being numb#bcus he just gets punished for daring to love again for daring to overcome his grief and trauma#and it fucking sucks#like dont tell me theres no valid reasons to be mad at this game lmao there are SO many#the last of us spoilers#tlou2#tlou1#anyway i just rlly needed to get this out bcus it rlly put into perspective the nitty gritty of why i hate part 2 so much#like im not just moaning for the sake of moaning i have genuine critiques about why this game was so awful to us and to joel and ellie#and why it made no narrative sense against part 1 they just contradict each other WE MISS U BRUCE
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