#also people saying it over things that just cant be changed
Text
i can do it with a broken heart - f1 grid
parings: gn!driver!reader x platonic!f1!grid x ex!jacob elordi
summary: after yn and their ex break up, they carry on as best they can and no one had any idea how bad they were struggling
type: social media au (smau)
notes: george is in this but he does not drive for mercedes, yn does. i also used a mixture of fem and masc pictures because i couldnt decide and thought you could just imagine whatever you wish!!
notes 2: probably the longest fic ive done so far but im pretty proud of it. the time stamps above each section are semi important so i would keep an eye on them!! also i know ive been gone for so long but i do not promise ill be back. alsoooo i know i only included a bit of the grid but i kept getting distracted and then couldn’t figure out how to include everyone!!
masterlist
march 2024
twitter
charles oh my god i cant believe my cat is finally the pfp
i have been waiting for YEARS
max yes well you better enjoy it because it’ll change soon and you’ll be back to waiting again.
lando jesus max do you have to use punctuation???
alex be glad he doesnt use captials
oscar one thing at a time lando, we dont want to scare him
max ???
lando anyway
yn mate you ok?
yourname im fine? ur scaring me you never ask how i am
lando yeah but usually your not single
lewis oh no! you and jacob split?
yourname yeah, wasnt working anymore
charles ah im sorry, that must suck😣
yourname i mean it does but its been coming for a long time so its not surprising
fernando hello! yn what is wrong? you always use emotes!
yourname theyre emojis nando, and im fine just a bit lost
fernando do not worry, i will come and find you!
yourname no, i dont mean literally just..we were together for so long i dont really know what to do now you know?
lando i get it, you wanna play tarkov with me???
yourname cheers ill get on now
george let us know if you need anything!
may 2024
yourusername
liked by mercedesamgf1, lewishamilton and 814,583 others
p✌️ was just what we needed this weekend!
thank you to everyone who came out and supported myself and the team and huge thank you to the team for working so hard all weekend⭐️
view comments
mercedesamgf1 mega job this weekend yn👊 *liked by author*
landonorris nice to share the podium with you mate
yourusername same time next race?
user33 loved seeing you back on the podium
user2 absolutely smashing it this season
user21 more podiums please🤲 *liked by author*
user3 fourth podium of the year first p✌️*liked by author*
twitter
*pretend it says after march i changed dates around last min*
august 2024
yourusername
liked by lukehemmings, charles_leclerc and 1,124,642 others
did some reading, painting and writing
baked some good food and spent time with some good people, also got a cat…not bad for summer break☀️
view comments
user66 AHHHHHH
yourusername ahhhhhhh
user26 cats name plsplspls
yourusername norman🐱
lukehemmings nice music👍
yourusername woah arent you the guy who wrote mum?!
mercedesamgf1 ready to see you back on the podium
yourusername always!!!!
user74 have you had funnnn??
yourusername yesss!! ive been doing lots of things i enjoy, basically treating every day as my birthday😋
twitter
*was supposed to write them instead of her sorry!! was doing two stories at once and kept getting mixed up😅*
october 2024
yourusername
liked by mercedesamgf1, gracieabrams and 1,291,638 others
p☝️ for the 3rd time this season, very very pleased
huuuuuge thank you to the team, every single one of you who worked tirelessly over the summer break and every moment since then, these have been for you⭐️
view comments
user55 what a good season to be a yn fan *liked by author*
user6 these races have been incredible to watch, so proud
yourusername ⭐️⭐️
gracieabrams woop woop!!!!
yourusername 😝😝
user2 gracie??
user41 why have we not had any personal photo dumps yet😕😕
user88 right we miss seeing you yn!!
yourusername sorry guys😣ive been suuuper busy working on something i just honestly forgot
user41 NEW PROJECT?? WHEN?? (also pls dont feel bad we love u)
yourusername soon!! (and i love u guys too)
twitter
november 2024
yourusername
liked by taylorswift, lewishamilton and 3,689,921 others
tagged: taylorswift
i cannot believe i get to say this, but my new friend taylor just released a new album and i was able to write a song on the album
im honestly not sure how this came about but i had so much fun writing this and expressing all my thoughts and feelings in a way ive never done before
i poured my life and soul into this song and im so glad taylor is the one who is singing it and really bought it to life
send some love to my friend and go and stream THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT (most importantly i can do it with a broken heart😉)
comments have been limited
taylorswift thank you for trusting me with this song, so much love🤍
yourusername NO THANK YOU!!! i will be forever grateful⭐️⭐️
twitter
yourusername added to their story
seen by taylorswift, lewishamilton and 729,282 others
charles i feel completely betrayed yn
fernando oh no😟! what did yn do?
charles THEY DIDNT TELL ME THEY WERE WRITING A SONG??
AND WITH TAYLOR SWIFT HOW COULD YOU☹️☹️
yourname sorry charles, surprise?!
charles ill forgive you because its a good song
yourname thank you my life just got infinitely better!
yuki very good song yn! has been on repeat☺️
yourname thanks yuki, glad you like it!!
lando I LOVE IT TOO
but seriously are you ok?!
yourname yeahhh im better now
was just a lot to navigate
lewis glad you found an outlet! but remember you can always talk to any of us
yourname i know and i appreciate it, i really do
alex yn was that twitter thread right?
yourname mate youre going to have to elaborate
alex user56tweetlink
yourname oh pretty much yeah
some things were changed with taylor but not much
fernando just listened to the song yn! very nice👍well done!
yourname thank uu
max good song yn!
now
lando can you please tell me what you meant on your twitch stream!
oscar max is kind of scary
max dont make me talk about that interview next oscar!
#f1 x reader#f1 instagram au#f1 smau#f1 social media au#social media au#formula 1 insta au#formula 1 social media au#formula one x reader#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 imagine#f1 drabble#f1 x male reader#f1 imagine#f1 fic#f1 fanfic
502 notes
·
View notes
Text
A Day at quadrant: LN4 (Part 2)
Author note: I don’t even know how to post anything on this and never wrote a fic but I hope this is good but I think it’s pretty shit and I haven’t finished it yet and if any writers want to use this idea you can for sure just @ me please oh and if you have feedback please let me know thanks xx
Also i tried to change my like writing style thing cause i feel like it was shit last time but yeah idk
Lando x quadrant fem reader
Blurb: reader is a member of quadrant, she games most of the time but also likes f1 along with her best friend Ria bish. She is friends with all members at quadrant and finds it a good laugh with all her mates, but maybe her view of someone in particular is more than a mate..
Warnings: sexualising, swearing, mention of a gun, leaked tape, sad distraught reader, friends to maybe lovers if I make it a series? Smut-ish? If I missed any let me know (I don’t know how to do warnings sorry x)
Well wasn't last week a fucking eventful week. You still cant stop thinking about Lando right next to you comforting you about what happened. You're starting to feel better about the whole issue and get some support from people online and all the other members of quadrant, but fuck that was just shit. You haven't been in any quadrant videos since, but you're in a better place now and probably need to start participating in them more.
Lando and ethan make the idea of quadrant meeting up at landos apartment and trying to train like him for a day. You aren't exactly looking foward to it but oh well, at least Ria is going. You text your gc back and tell them that you will do it too. Then, you get a message.
Lando: are you 100% sure ur okay to come back and film already? you dont have to if you dont want to.
Y/n: yep. I need to get in more videos and im feeling better anyways, thanks for asking.
Lando: all good
Well that was polite and unexpected of Lando to reach out, but whats more unexpected is for your panties to be soaked right now over 2 text messages. well fuck, oopsies.
That night all you can think of is Lando, it's a bit embarrassing to admit, but he was circling around your head like it was an f1 race. You decide to get your head out of it and call Ria to come over and have a chat, since she is your best friend after all. Shortly she pulls up to your apartment in Monaco, funning in bursting of excitement to see you.
"RIAAAAAAA!" you shout when you open the door for her. "Y/NNNN" she replied back. You give her a hug and make her a cup of coffee just how she likes it. You guys sit and chat about the f1 grand prix in Bahrain coming up, and how you hope Lando continues to have a good season with Oscar this year. "Did you see the chat about the new yt vid we doing" You ask Ria. "omg yes and they are bringing angry ginge in I heard" Ria replies back.
"STOP IT" you yell back laughing. You love ginge and his videos, who wouldn't? he's a very very funny bloke. "OMG i''m definitely coming tomorrow then to the recording are you kidding?".
Unfortunately time goes by when you're having fun, and Ria was the most fun, so she had to go a few hours later which felt like minutes. Besides you both need sleep for the youtube vid you're filming tmr at Lando's. You go to bed and try to sleep as much as you can, which didnt happen lol.
rise and shine love. It's already 6am and time to go to Lando's place to film. Normally you don't have to wakeup early as fuck but for the purpose of the video and "being Lando Norris" you had no choice. You get to his apartment after parking at the front and knock on the door, to which he opens. "hi y/n" he says nicely and gives you a hug. "So good to see you Lando, where is everyone?".
"first here mate" he says almost excitedly. "so what are we actually doing today like playing video games or some shit" you say. "haha your funny mate, we are lifting weights, eating what i eat, using the sim, and neck strengthening" he says laughing at you. "fuck r u taking the piss" you say laughing. "oh my days Landoooo do I look like an f1 driver" you also reply with. "well yeah thats the whole point of the video ya dumb fuck" he replied jokingly.
"hahaha get fucked lando nowins" you snap back. he laughs as you proceed to miss the chair you went to lean on making you flinch and stumble looking like an idiot. he is still laughing which makes you laugh too. "Lando norizz" u reply. "haha you think I have no rizz, funny" he replies egotistically. "yeah i do actually" you don't at all, in fact he hasn't even tried yet he has rizzed you up. "wanna bet?" he snaps out.
you don't have time to think before he pins you against the wall and just looks at you with those hot eyes of his. you can already feel your cheeks burning and your thong getting wet. "you say I have no rizz yet your cheeks are burning, and I bet those panties are more soaked than that porridge you tipped over the counter when you stumbled at my gaze, huh?" he grunts out.
what the fuck just happened, first how did he know and secondly did he just pin you against the wall. not the first time you want that to happen. you know what fuck it if we wants to be like that then he may as well be uncomfortable the whole video.
"how did you know about my tight, black lacy thong i'm wearing over my tight pussy hey? not your first time thinking about it aye?" you tease him, but whole walking over to him you see him looking uneasy.
why? because ginge was at the fucking door and heard that, and can see Lando's boner from a mile away. "well bonjour" ginge says laughing. "bonjour mate" lando says as he daps up ginge covering his boner and trying to ignore what just happened.
You already know this video is gonna be the longest set of your life..
sorry its a short one x
45 notes
·
View notes
Text
overall i think movie sonic being redesigned was a good decision but sometimes i wish they had never done it with how annoying people are about it with the constant spread of misinformation about how/why it happened + this attitude people have gotten from it thinking they can get anything they don't like in a movie or show or game changed if they complain on twitter enough regardless of what exactly they're wanting changed or how close the release date is or what company is making it or whatever
#so many people who do not have the power to change whatever youre mad about#have been harassed in the name of bullying them into fixing it like we did with sonic. like what the hell#remember when people decided sonic frontiers was bad very early on and were harassing people who worked on it or were excited for if#and were like ''well it worked with the sonic movie so its ok !!!''. what is wrong with you people#also people saying it over things that just cant be changed#i remember like 3 or 4 months before the live action monster high movie came out people were making the sonic joke for the millionth time#even though filming had already been finished and a lot of progress was made on editing too#and the things theu were wanting changed would require restarting the whole thing#even though it had a set release date of october and they definitely wouldnt meet that deadline if they redid the entire movie#its not the same!!!! not everything can be a sonic movie situation!!!!#dont even get me started on people just lying about the whole thing being a marketing stunt#and im not saying dont criticize movies ever just stop pretending everything can be a sonic movie situation
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
man
#maybe im being pessimistic abt this. im not saying u should wear a mask every waking moment of your life god knows i cant#but also. hell no i dont trust u if anything i distrust u ppl even more after how things played out for the past 3 years#like there are situations where it might be inevitable catching covid. most of my family members are nurses and in constant contact#but there are also a ton of ways to make that risk low as possible like masking and wearing a face shield and having sanitizer#for me its not enough to just say oh we're in a small group and we're all vaccinated#motherfucker your kid is sick from preschool EVERY TIME WE VISIT. of course ill be wearing a mask she gave me covid last year#also no the fuck it isnt seasonal the cases go up because lack of caution makes the virus spread and mutate especially around times when#ppl gather. add that with virus transmission in cold weather and its a matter of different factors increasing the risk of spread#im also tired of ppl not understanding that i wont be their responsibility if i do get sick. maybe they can help me recover#but at the end of the day the risk of death and long term health is all on me. i cant change that#the govt barely gives me accommodations what makes u think theyll do anything for every individual case of long covid or worse#im so tired. im so tired#i dont even know if its possible to want this to be over anymore i just wish we didnt have to deal with this in the first place#ALSO COUGH INTO YOUR SLEEVE SERIOUSLY HOW IS THIS SO HARD TO REMEMBER#oh its just a cold/dry throat its not like i have covid or anything. no!! its basic hygiene!!! how is this so hard to understand!!!!!!!!!!#and no this isnt abt whether people have the means to protect themselves this is me bitching abt my relatives not taking me seriously#vent#my art#myart#doodles#covid 19
104 notes
·
View notes
Text
that feeling when you get advice from someone who you know is well-meaning and has good intentions....but it's just the most allistic, neurotypical, and/or abled advice you have ever heard and completely invalidates the point you're trying to make about why you struggle to do the thing in the first place.
they're telling you to "do it in this specific way that is completely opposite of how you physically/mentally work" for example, make eye contact/read people's facial expressions and intentions! but you're autistic. initiate verbal conversation and don't be shy! but you're nonverbal or semispeaking. get out of the house more and participate in these physical activities! but you're physically disabled. Just Be Yourself! but you have DID/OSDD/other personality disorder. etc.
i'm sorry. I know you're just trying to help. I appreciate it, really. but it's all things i've heard before and none of it helps me specifically. I have tried (maybe even still try out of habit) and learned I can't just do those things. they don't work for me or cause more issues. practice isn't the issue. not everyone can simply willpower through everything. but thanks for trying 😔✊️
#autistic#autism things#autism#actually autistic#adhd#audhd#neurodivergent#disablity#disabled#too tired to tag other thinhs sorry thats all you get#lee rambles#that feeling when you also just have to pretend to accept their advice and move on because people get so upset when you dont take it#i lesrned if i tell people their advice doesnt suit me and my unique circumstances then they feel bad that they didnt help#they want you to do it anyway. even if you cant. pretend you do or say thanks and move on. but it gets annoying hearinf the same stuff#over and over. more expectations on you. more pressure to do things in ways everyone else can but you cannot...#when will the advice be lee shaped? when will it be just for lee and consider all my circumstances?#why is telling the person giving advice their advice wont work fkr me bad? why cant they change their advice to fit the issues i face?#when im asked for advice and someone hits a deadend while working it out i try to help solve that so they can find a way around#but everyone else expects me to grow a bulldozer out of my head and ram the wall down instead of helping me work around it#i crush their fragile ego by saying their advice doesnt work and they get upset instead of adjusting it to help solve the specific problem#its exhausting because they become one of the many problems i have to deal with then 😒#no im not “making excuses/dismissing you/not trying” im trying. your advice sucks try again. and my problems are valid!!!!!! accept it!!!!#anyway. genuinely appreciate people wanting/trying to help but sometimes its such inappropriate advice i dont know how to respond
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Try not to make fights between two women look homoerotic challenge level impossible
#if franky isnt good with swords why does he have a sword on his mecha 💀 just for the shogun bit#inu inu fruit??? he is just like inuyasha... omg.... crossover of my favourite things.... yamato i love you.....#yamato eating the protector deity of wano fruit.... calling himself oden.... his father must be fuming he is the antithesis of his person#obv its very much on purposes but lmao rip bozo (kaido) you didnt think much about that one.... maybe the deity of wano wants its people to#be free and not slaves of a weapons industry idk....#not olvia omg... and saul.... and clover... they changed little robin's name.... and her mom's voice is the same as hers lmao it's too much#robin said this is way too nice.... can't be real#once again thinking about robin holding her mothers hand..... and becoming an archeologist to make her proud.... the hands....#but now it's not about her mom now its about her friends.... also her childish heart omg.... truly#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1042#robin defending sanji's honor akdjsks#robin that was so slay... take care tho.... ily.... until next time#luffy on the floor passed out having a tantrum about food. incredible#fucking caribou again.... DIEEE!!!!#MOMO FLY AGAIN!!!! GET OVER YOUR FEAR OF HEIGHTS#also yesterday i was showering and thinking about like dying like this cant be right... i am on thay level....#episode 1043#'i am not soft on women' oh yeah i bet...#see how good armor haki would have been here..... i have been saying this#robin's face..... strongest element in all of one piece.....#robin wanting to become strong for someone else.... just like nami.....#OHHHH SHIT!!!!!!! she said i wanna be with my friends 😁 -> 😈#that was so cool. also black maria is DEAD. that was a CLUTCH WWE STYLE. DAMN. robin getting there by thinking about his friends :)))#what love and human connection do to a mf (positively)#OH SHINOBU'S ABILITY.... MOMO..... OMG#episode 1044#robin ily that was so cool. call me any time btw.
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
70% of my trigun thoughts are abt how plants (independent and dependant) work and what they symbolize and their relationships with other characters and the world and stuff and the implications of independent plants coming with the earth forces and what it says about how earth has progressed since SEEDS left the planet, 20% of my thoughts are "hope those guys (meryl milly vash livio ww knives) are having fun" and 10% is rotating trimax Rem Saverem around in my head at all times
#i think abt rem a lot for a character that is like important but also isnt materially present in the story much#like idk her relationship with grief and regret and the idea of her looking at the shambles of her life and having to say#'well at least i can start over since theres nothing left for me' multiple times (after alex dies and she joins seeds#and after failing to keep tesla alive and getting a 'second chance' with vash and knives) idk its just so fascinating to me#and her idea of a blank ticket to the future and what it means in terms of how vash shapes his worldview in trimax#where it seems to be about how. death stops all future potential of a person. if they die they can never get better they dont learn#they cant change and experience consequence#like smth i find fascinating in trimax is that vash doesnt kill people but he will let somebody that person has hurt punch them in the face#and he thanks ww for killing to save the colony that one time. hes not opposed to killing/consequence entirely#i think it comes down a lot to how rem behaved in the aftermath of him finding out about tesla. how the potential for things to get better#would have died with him or rem and it would have just stayed horrible#idk idk im Rambling im turing things around in my brain#also man my main complaint with the manga is i wish it focused on the dependant plants more. they clearly experienced a big emotional#struggle esp in the final volumes and i wish we got to see more of it#but also i just like the wacky small town hijinks esp in the 98 anime i love when the main cast is just goofin around. i think they should#get to goof more#trigun#.txt#Dont Look At This Post Man its EMBARRASSING nobody should let me talk abt anything#the secret special bonus tjoughts are about chronica bc she fascinates me but i cant draw her good the way i can draw meryl and rem :(
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
Solas says I know a place and takes you to the middle of a swamp where he insults your culture, religious beliefs, and then dumps you.
#yeah im still thinking about this and its the next day#he might be telling the truth about the Vallaslin but my inquisitor did not let him remove it#I’ve played her as very proud to be dalish and believes in elven gods so it would be out of character even if solas says something else#maybe that’s what it represented then but it is not what it is now and she chooses to move forward#about the breakup … this is not the first time a man takes me on a date and dumps me 😭😭 but hey um wtf#honestly my lavellan does love him and is hurt but she has to be so many things to so many different people#there’s bigger things at stake and bigger problem to deal with at this time than whatever he's hiding or lying about#im pretty sure he was going to say something else not about the vallaslin#but his fear is dying alone becasue i saw it in the fade and yet !!!! he pushes everyone away he picks fights with everyone no matter whos#in the party he didnt come to the wicked grace game he never opens up beyond what he has seen in the fade. he is a fixed point#i wanna shake him by the shoulders and YELL WHATA RE YOU DOING you could have it all someone who loves you and a wonderf#a wonderful found family. he is kind and gentle but he is also so full of ANGER and he is so set on things being as he sees them.#Cole cant change because to Solas cole is always a spirit. the dalish are misguided and YOU Lavellan are just different YOURE special#the meaning of the vallaslin cant change because to him it represents slavery and it is in stone to him. things dont change with time they#are fixed. like things in the fade it what it was preserved. he is trying to hold on to a past that doesnt exist that has moved forward.#Solas says you cant change yourself by wishing. but i would say wishing for change is THE required prerequisite for change. a little though#a little idea a little wish that something was different better. but to#why cant you move forward Solas what the fuck are you holding onto so intesely#OKAY WHATEVER IM DONE WITH THIS ESSAY IM OVER IT ITS FINE ITS SO FINE
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
truly cannot explain the connection i have to the 1975's music. yes some of it is nostalgia but i genuinely do not have any other artist that has interested and confused and irritated and saddened and endeared me so much all at the same time and i do mean that about the music itself rather than about the band members. i've spent so much of my life listening to them and they cover so much ground while also having so much terrible samey shit that i wind up loving anyway. i'm so done with matty healy but i will not be able to let go of this music without giving it a proper sendoff, y'know.
#thunder rambles#n its not even the thing people have with like mcr or tøp where the music gave me something to hold onto through a rough time#ive just loved it in so many different ways and for reasons that have changed over the years like.#i know i sound like i drank the kool aid. im working on it#edit: i have some more soppy sincere things to say about why i love their music so much#it's for the same reason i don't think i'll ever love someone exactly the way i loved the friend i had in year 8#to love someone just because they're there at a point of naievete in your life#i got into the 1975 because my toxic best friend whom i had a crush on said i had to like them#and also because their first two albums are sooooo geared towards 14 y/os in terms of sound#but then abiior came out. and i didnt like the singles. and then i came back to it and i fell in love with it.#it's just so weird to simultaneously love something for nostalgic reasons and from just appreciating good art#like its all shitty nostalgia bait. but it's also genius in its conception. but also not all the concepts work in execution. but also the#raw unpolished shittiness of those things are compelling in their own way.#basically basically. i cant get over the way their music grew up with me. and also im a sucker for any art that has something to say#about the digital age#i sort of love their music like i love my siblings lol. like i have always loved my siblings even when my relationship to them is miserable.#i grew up and around you i cant exactly extract you from who i am
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
sry its just like rly incredibly annoying how much ppl will like. IDK. yes ik a lot of autistic and adhd ppl who do love music. and sometimes it is bc of their neurodivergence yk. music can be grounding its familiar its reliable and comfortable. i think its fine to say Autistic/ADHD ppl often find comfort in music. but its stupid as fuck to say Therefore enjoying music makes you autistic/adhd.
#like that cant be the only diagnostic criteria... im not at all anti self dx but i am anti just hearing abt something doing 0 research and#being like yep thats so me. yk.#likeee. i have a LOT of issues on the psych industry trust me. i also think in a lot of cases its dangerous to be diagnosed. and in most#cases self dxing even uninformed self dxing isnt harmful its just like. idk. it can be harmful when you use it to spread misinfo#even unknowingly. IDK.... like. i enjoy eating the same foods over and over bc they are safe and reliable. expecting these foods#and then getting something different than what i was expecting is incredibly upsetting. that is bc of my autism but if that was the ONLY#autistic trait i had i wouldnt say i was autistic i would just say that i find comfort in my foods being reliable and i dislike change.#and i think a lot of ppl just feel this need to put a label on every single thing abt them down to like. the way they walk.#like do i do the classic autistic Walking on the balls of my feet yes its true i do do that. but again i wouldnt say i was autistic just bc#of that... sometimes its just a quirk you have. sometimes you just have things you do and you dont need a label to put on them to explain#that thing... its more just like. if you do have that dx or whatever you can look at that thing and be like oh this might be bc of that dx.#and you can kind of bond over that with other ppl. IDKK its complicated and im rambling#again idt its like super harmful to self dx even uninformed its just like. i wish sometimes people would just be like . chill abt labels#its the same thing with sexualities and gender like. sometimes you dont need a hyperspecific word to describe your entire identity sometime#you can just be a person. yk. like i love being bisexual i love the bisexual label and im proud of being bi. i dont feel the need#to look into the specific ratio of who im attracted to or when im attracted to them or whatever to make a more specific label. IDK THO#idk. basically i just think instead of trying to group everybody into these tiny Ultra specific groups of ppl you relate to i think you#should just be like. Oh everybodys a person even if they dont experience everything the exact way i do. idk whatever
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
ive just accepted im just never going to fit cleanly into any label or community ever
#affie txt#vent incoming sorry ik this is probably really annoying#and im also sorry if this comes off insensitive or ''i have it SO hard'' i dont mean to be like that#but just. no matter how my identity rolls out i always feel like an imposter in some way#when i ided as a lesbian i already knew i was nonbinary and despite my yearning to experience it; i never knew and will never experience#being a lesbian and a binary woman. and ofc when i ided as a nonbinary lesbian was during that whole bullshit ''nonbinary people cant be#lesbians'' debate that resurfaced so that didnt fucking help#but im not a lesbian im bi so that was easy i guess. or easier#not being binary or very knowledgeable on queer history (tbh i want to change this im not proud of that) and having not participated in#many pride events and queer spaces irl (due to uh. yunno. Covid lol)#has like really made me feel like an imposter that just doesnt fit in anywhere#and now coming to terms with me being transmasc and having a strong attraction towards men and nonbinary folks has really uh. shaken things#up#and not fully in a good way bc its left me scrambling to put together the pieces#its left me in sooooooooooooo much distress i feel like so sick over it#its. not fun. esp bc im still pre-op so very girlish in appearance and voice eugh#and on top of that im also still nonbinary and do feel more neutral/androgynous some days and also consider myself gnc bc i like feminine#clothes and stuff so like. AUGH! and im also fucking 5'1-2 so no matter if i bind or get top surgery or etc i dont think ill ever pass as#not a girl so . pain!#and even saying all that makes me feel guilty bc its like. is that just internalized misogyny? am i misogynistic for feeling this way? and#IK IN MY RATIONAL MIND THATS BULLSHIT AND THIS IS *ONLY* ABT ME NOT OTHER TRANSMASCS AND NBLMS/MLMS TO BE CLEAR#im just an anxious mess with ocd and anxiety in general that just loooooooooooves latching onto bullshit like this to prove im predatory or#weird. also other ocd themes dont fucking help?#idk ill shut up now i need to be on a call but just like. its painful bc i dont feel like i fit into any queer communities lol#this also applies to disability stuff but im NOT cracking that can of worms open today sorry#ok gopdbye for now . responses are ok btw but also no pressure im kinda just emptying my head lol#vent#rant#ask to tag
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
very weird that I've seen multiple people in the last couple weeks saying it would be fun if samuel got added to seventeen now bc there's no way people actually think that 🤨
#it just seems so disrespectful to both svt and samuel like its been over 7 years#feels disrepectful to the solo career samuel has built like theyre implying its not interesting enough#and disrespectful to the bond svt have built over the years together#like its one thing to imagine what could have been of he debuted with them and another to say this#but i dont even like that bc samuel was TWELVE when svt debuted#and personally i think it was for the best his mom pulled him from the company no kid should debut that young#which is maybe why people change their 'what-if' to samuel just rejoining svt now#but like i said it just feels disrespectful#obv i know ppl online cant actually make that happen but just suggesting it feels :/#sorry to rant i normally dont like bringing up stuff thats only an issue with a few people but this was just such a weird take#i also saw someone say it was a 'bad career move' for him to have left plds back in the day??#umm his mom was trying to protect her son who was a Literal Child#honestly i hate when ppl get hung up on who trained with who in general and act like they have some eternal bond its not that deep#it also annoys me when ppl say '[idol] was supposed to debut in [group]' when they just trained together#its esp a misconception w svt bc of 17tv. ppl think the other trainees that didnt debut were part of the lineup#but plds said that the trainees on 17tv werent guaranteed to debut/it wasnt the official lineup#'4 members left before debut' no!!! trainees left before debut the only members are the ones that got rings-13#got a bit off topic there but its one of my pet peeves 😔#may delete this later i try not to rant too much on here bc its not good for my mental health to do it too much lol#melia.txt
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
I think some of yall are just gonna have to accept that vegans have a different philosophy than you.
#YOU might think its respectful to eat animals or whatever the fuck#but like i dont and cant bring myself to. sorry#IM not about to let that get in the way of being friends w non vegans though .#like im never gonna be like 'killing animals is cool' bc to me it isnt and i dont think theres many reasons to unless you specifically have#to eat it for some reason. im not even a pure vegan. i still eat meat. i just dont see the pleasure in it.#ig i cant help but think about factory farming and the horrible ways animals die. i also dont really know if theres a Good way to kill an#animal just for sustenance.#i think itll be bad no matter what but ig theres *better* ways to do it if you have to#i think yall havw to understand that im literally just some person whos come to this conclusion#i dont have systemic power to change how things are so dont bitch that im taking your meat away when clearly its not going anywhere#yall essentially anti vegans are exhausting.#what i hate is how i say i care about animals lives and then in a defensive immediate retort people try to claim that i dont care about#oppressed humans. as if all vegans are actually just eco fascists who couldnt be assed to give a fuck about minorities lmao#im sorry youve interacted with shitty vegans but i promise theres vegans who just like dont want anyone to be killed if it can be helped#maybe i do actually just care about both of these things at once. ik its shocking#and i promise that me generally supporting ntv and other ppls ability to hunt for whatever environmental justification#isnt mutually exclusive from me thinking its generally not good to eat meat#like it IS possible to believe two things at once#also great news for you! i dont have control over you and your life. so whatever i say could fundementally not effect you#and no. thinking an action is bad doesnt mean i think anyone who hunts is a Bad Person. i also cant make them stop either#i just have personal feelings on the matter#sorta like how your friend has a preference for a tv show you find problematic and you've vented your frutrations w it#but they still love the show anyways and you wouldnt take that away from them bc a. you cant and b. it doesnt effect our friendship enough#for me to feel the need to try to encourage them to not watch it...?#the totally wacky and wild and unique unheard of thing abt me is that i dont need to control people who want to live a different life#even if i dont think its entirely cool whatever it is they do#obviously if theyre a racist or something i wont tolerate that but yeah#this is MY path in life. these are MY beliefs. i dont need you to follow in my footsteps.#im not ur guru lol#im not pushing for any policies. i dont have a plan to *make* everyone vegan. im just sharing my thoughts.
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
living with someone with untreated mental illness is like. i understand why you're like this and i do empathize but also like. jesus fucking christ get some help before i throttle you i stg
#i hate my sis so much. like i get it. i really do. a lot of how she acts is due to mental illness and trauma but at the same time she also#just really shitty. like ik recovery is different for everyone and you move at your own pace but she just. isnt recovering at all it seems#like its been 6yrs since we got out and my mom and i have worked really hard on getting better and changing our behaviors#all the while shes just getting worse and worse to be around. like shes legitimatrly turning into my (abusive) father#its terrifying honestly but we cant do anything about it bc you cant talk to her#you say like ''hey this thing you did upset me can you please try to not do that again'' not angry or anything and she starts crying and#yelling bc youre triggering her and its not fair and nobody loves her and like. i get that some people cry a lot and thats fine! i get that#but its literally impossible to talk to her about anything bc she acts like shes the victim and youre fuckin evil for telling her to please#not put her dirty clothes on my shelf i dont like that please. like thats not an unreasonable request and im not being mean about it! but#im the bad guy for doing anything that critisises her.#and she treats my mom like shit. like i could deal w her being a bitch to me but to momma? fuck no.#i dont believe you owe your parents shit but my mom has been a fucking saint when life dealt her a hand that shouldve made her a devil#she did her absolute best and *she* was the one that sacrificed everything to get us out#and my sister treats her like shes an incapable selfish idiot.#and she never lets me talk. shell talk for an hour about smth she knows i dont care about but when i try to tell her like. hey my fav band#is putting out a new album or smth im real excited about. she gets on her phone and just ignores me.#and she KNOWS this triggers me badly its made me suicidal before and yknow what happened then? i had to apologize for making HER feel bad#she talks over both of us but it you start talking when she was THINKING about talking she has a fit#and she actively tries to gaslight my mom. like im dead fuckin serious my mom has to ask me if smth really happened bc my sis told her it#did/didnt and she has to get me to confirm the truth for her#and she treats her pets like crap she should not be allowed to have pets bc she just loses interest in them and stops taking care of them#and we have to pick up the slack#its literally just like being with my dad again. walking on eggshells all the time#my mom cant watch tv at night bc ellie gets pissed at her for ''waking her up''. even tho she claims she never sleeps.#i hate her so so much i want to punch her i want her to move out i want to never ever see her again#but rn we cant afford to live on our own. so we have to stay with her#anyway.#vent#tw abuse
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
pretty sure I’ve been hypomanic the last week or so and I’m not sure what to do about it
#weird to be hypomanic and extremely self isolating and avoidant of addresssing important things at the same time but here we are#i have no idea what fucking amalgamation of mental illnesses and whatever else is going on with me lately but it sure is alot#there is something very wrong with me and at this point i cant pinpoint it to any one thing it’s just. i think. a handful of things#that uhhh don’t work well together that’s for sure#i feel like I should maybe look up some stuff on comorbid bipolar II and autism cause that’s probably the best way to describe the totality#of whats going on with me#whatever it is it’s wrong there is something very very wrong with me#i need a therapist badly but guess what??? whatever’s fucking wrong with me has made me avoid looking at my email for like a week for no#god damn reason and I haven’t been able to make myself do anything important and applicable to myself in the Real World#again for literally no fuckign reason and it’s just making things progressively worse cause they stack up and ssome of those things can/will#piss off my mom who I also want to avoid but I can’t because if I don’t pick up the phone the second time she calls she will call my#roommate and threaten to call the police basically#so#that’s where I’m at#this is the first time I’ve ever ghosted literally everyone before though. that’s new. really funny how that works. self isolation is#probably driving me literally insane but for whatever reason my brain says Aha what if you distanced yourself even more? even from people#you don’t see in real life? what if you put all your effort and thoughts into one topic and obsess over it for god knows how long to the#extent of not wanting to do anything else basically but shit related to that special interest or whatever it is#it’s so funny that I’ve literally not hung out with friends at all in real life nor made any new friends irl this entire year#like literally. literally I do not have friends. that’s so wild cause I’ve been saying this for literally months and it never changes#anyway I’m probably gonnna go back to frantically writing notes on this one topic and neglecting all communication and responsibilities#so. yeah#kibumblabs#I need serious help. i wish I had people around me who cared enough to make me get it#i wish I didn’t have to do literally everything myself#my ‘bf’ (if you can call him that. i doubt it at this point for several reasons) hasn’t spoken to me nor I to him in I don’t even know how l#long now and my radio silence on discord and texts doesn’t seem to matter to him. i could be dead for all he knows lol#he doesn’t care he has other people now.#no one else I know irl reaches out and if they did I’d probably not answer for no reason. i guess because I love sabotaging myself#it’s great. I’m great.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
biting maiming violence etc
#im. not pissed im just confused asf#yesterday they had us unpack seasonal freight instead of dept freight first then said 'lolol u can stay to get your stuff done' like mf i#wouldn't have had to say an hour over if you'd let me get my shit done first!#then i got told i have dept changes but cant get them til monday (im not? here?) also w the deleted shit...i never#got a markdown packet! so i'm at LEAST. a week and a half if not two weeks behind my dept stuff#bc lololol home dec dept changes are more important like#you shit sucking son of a bitch (the store mger) if you'd give people their stuff ON TIME#instead of being lazy asshole sbt it things would run so much smoother#but no! :)#i am. STRESST.#chatters;
3 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
xtrokeme
call me emily
asterosconi
αστερόσκονη
ansar4012
Ansar Mehmood
aanef
أنف
wheres-hoid
There's Hoid