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actuallylorelaigilmore · 4 years

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ODAAT S4 POLL RESULTS

thank you so, so much to everyone who answered this little survey!! here’s some basic info gleaned from the 43 participants:

no one said that season 4 is better than seasons 1-3

more than 95% think it’s worse than seasons 1-3

no one said their faves are fully getting the attention they deserve

exactly one person is ‘loving’ s4, another 9 ‘kinda like it’

the remaining 3/4 are indifferent to it, dislike or hate it

slightly more than 1/3 have given up watching s4 already

the final question was What's one of your favorite or least favorite things about S4 so far? 9 participants listed a favorite thing. 37 participants listed a least favorite thing. (some people included both a favorite and least favorite in their answers.)

the most commonly mentioned ‘favorite thing’ was alex’s character development in s4.

the most commonly mentioned ‘least favorite thing’ was the schneider/avery relationship including the pregnancy, followed closely by s4′s lack of emotional depth, schneider’s previous arc being minimized, and the penelope/max relationship.

you can see all 43 anonymous answers behind this cut:

Idk

Alex

i think the problem is they’re starting conversations to then finish them too early. like i was really interested to see where they went with sydlena with elena going to college but then it was just taken back so quickly..

Fave: the show continues; also, Alex’s girlfriend. Least fave: the way Penelope and Max’s characters have been changed to make their relationship fit the new budget

The relapse in Penelope and Schneider’s friendship esp after how S3 showed SUCH growth. Not to mention, the lack of emotional depth. It’s just. Different.

Idk

Least favorite:Penelope and Max make no sense??? Explain the kids issue??? Also why is Avery pregnant.......I don’t like her character

they basically took away schneiders character arc

Don't have one

The demolishing of Schneider's characters growth is the most maddening thing

it doesn't have the same feel as the 1st 3 seasons.

My least favorite thing is how rushed some development is, particularly in relationships, to show that everything is fine, but also ignores the issues and struggles we were introduced to in previous seasons regarding characters. For example, Schneider and Avery are all in love and totally fine, but what happened to his addiction? How does he feel about being a father? How did they move past their breakup from when he relapsed? And with Penelope, while I loved that they showed that she could be happy with her family and still want romance, why Max again? How do they resolve the fact that he wants kids but she doesn't want more?

Penelope and Max's reunion was too rushed and Schneider and Avery's relationship is too rushed too

favorite~ alex being given some sort of storyline (the whole clothing thing and feeling insecure in the family) cuz he’s never given attention and then least favorite~ how schneider’s alcoholism has been completely sidelined and max and penny not discussing the whole kids thing. also how cuba wasn’t brought up until the mid season finale when s3 literally ended with that

My least favorite thing about season four is that it doesn’t feel like the first three seasons. I feel like the bonds that the characters have built over the years are breaking.

Schneider suddenly needing to have a baby with avery to have a family when he's been part of the alvarez fam the whole time :)))

i don’t like the lack of emotional stuff and the random bringing back old love interests without explanation

none of the characters feel like the same people or like they've regressed and lost character growth

max and avery least favorite :(

I don't like the fact that it feels like it has to explain a lot about older seasons, it feels a bit forced, but I also understand why it happens, if/when there's a season 5 I think I'm going to like it better than this season (same thing happened for me with seasons 1, 2 and 3, my favorite being the last)

Least favorite: I feel like we've lost Schneider's story. Between retconning aspects of his relationship with Avery (like them saying they've never broken up or that their first fight happened this season). It suddenly feels like he's not a member of the family like he was in S3.

The way they’ve completely regressed all the character arcs and storylines for a lot of the characters, especially Schneider

Character continuity seems to have been thrown out e.g. schneider has regressed a lot and there is no follow up on his s3 plotline

I really wish they could be longer - I do think the episodes need to be longer for storyline purposes. I think that’s why this season feels slightly different to me. Favourite thing is seeing Schneider and Avery be happy. They seem to be moving quick but it also seems to be working for them.

it used to make me FEEL. now it’s flat

That Max came back and he and Pen still haven't addressed the child-sized elephant in the room but that's okay because he's awesome /ends sarcasm. Also the baby pregancy storyline was WAY out of left field. Also what happened with Schneider's sobriety? Is he still going to meetings?

I'm happy Alex is getting good storylines and Elena and Syd are adorable but Schneider and Penelope's relationship with Avery and MaX IS TOO MUCH TOO SOON

Pen had worries about her date and ran immediately to her BFF to help her sort it out. YOU KNOW, THAT SEEMED PROMISING.

Just the overall lack of depth

Everything about Schneider/Avery has been handled extremely poorly imo

My least favourite thing is how they dismissed Schneider’s sobriety storyline

I loved the final live action episode that aired before the pandemic took over (ends on the roof garden not sure the number/title) but otherwise it's been feeling like it's skimming the surface of most serious issues that they used to tackle head on. Hoping this is just an adjustment period/growing pains but we'll see.

The baby storyline is way too rushed, and I really don't like it

Favorite: Alex taking sewing classes, least favorite: Avery/Schneider

Everythings too superficial

I hated that they didn't get to the end of season 3 Cuba reveal until episode 6, and that they've regressed Dr. B & Lydia's relationship again. Either put them together or make clear you never well, damn.

schneider/avery feels rushed and lacks emotional depth. At the end of season 3 they were broken up, barely a quarter into season 4 they've moved in together and are pregnant. It doesn't make sense. Avery is just a cartoon version of Schneider. They don't feel real.

Least favourite: The storylines aren't as deep/handled as seriously. I don't like what they have done with Schneider. I don't think they explored his relationship with Avery well enough for me to be invested in it. I also don't think now is the right time to explore them having a child.

We're halfway through the season and there has been no character growth for anyone. It's a typical sitcom. Every emotional arc has been abandoned or ignored. Why are we not seeing Schneider freak out about becoming a parent, considering his history? Why are Penelope and Schneider not as close as they once were?

The meta/4th wall joke from animated special about tv shows being animated & least them telling Schindler he’s not part of the family.. like wtf multiple times too. Also the dropping of storylines (Sobriety/Cuba) & the ex partners back and everyone is happy

Alex got some much needed character development, but they basically hamstringed Penelope and Schneider

The episodes are shorter and the comedy seems cheaper and easier, the jokes don’t have the depth they used to

#odaat #one day at a time #poll #this was fun!

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autisticbyaccident · 4 years

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Listen I’m kinda psyched.

So my mom found an Erb’s palsey specialist in Houston, which is a hell of a drive but still in state.

Well I’ve been having issues with my arm/hand lately. It’s begun to shake and the muscles jump and twitch, it also falls asleep easily, which really just makes my arm feel like there’s a nice breeze across it since the tingling changes to feeling cold in my head. My hand has also been a major problem. My thumb, pointer, and middle finger all lock up so badly I have to manually bend them with my other hand to make them work again, especially my pointer finger. As the weather changes it’s getting worse. My hand also aches, but in this strange numbed way only other EP babes will understand. It’s bothersome and a bit worrying, but I really think that’s on me.

See the last time I saw a doctor about my hand was when I was 12/13ish and began to feel something, a sort of dull ache, the same as now. They basically threw their hands up and said “idk man, you’re fat and you’re growing? Growing pains? Maybe that’s it? Whatevs, I’m not touching it” because my arm is already so much more useful and mobile than any of my doctors ever dreamed it would be when I was an infant. So the doctors I visited didn’t want to touch my arm and risk making it worse.

Well since then I’ve dealt with a lot of mental health issues and I’ve just mutilated my arm beyond belief. My arm and my hand especially are very scarred, the skin is just now beginning to soften and fade, but what I’ve done will always be visible.

There are three injuries in particular I think are to blame for the worst of my issues.

1. When I was 15 I cut the bottom knuckle on my pointer finger so deeply that when I spread the wound apart and moved my finger, I could see something white inside moving around. I now believe that was my own tendon. I sewed the wound shut with white thread when someone at school saw and tried to tell a teacher. I flushed the wound with alcohol regularly but didn’t bandage it. It was winter and my mom was busy so I was able to keep my hand hidden until it was just a normal cut again, which took a long time. I believe this is the reason my pointer finger locks up and doubt there’s anything to do for it.

2. On my 16th birthday my mom and I got in an argument. I don’t remember what about, but I went to my room. I felt the need to cut so I took my scissors and intended to stab myself just enough to draw blood. But in my anger I ended up stabbing through my hand, I remember the skin of my palm being distended, though I didn’t feel it. I tried to stop the bleeding but it was too much and I panicked once I began to feel dizzy. I told my mom and we went to the er. It took a lot of begging and bargaining to keep from being sent back to the mental ward. The stab was in the center of the back of my hand, between the middle and pointer finger tendons. I think this one is why my middle finger locks up.

3. Finally, the lighthearted one. When I was 18 I went to go see a movie with my mom. I had to go to the bathroom but was so anxious to not miss my favorite part I tripped on my way out. My hand felt odd (by which I mean I felt it at all). 6 weeks later I was getting ice cream with my dad and realized I could bend my thumb to the side enough to touch the pad of my thumb to my pinky knuckle. (Try it, you shouldn’t be able to) and my dad almost screamed. He insisted my thumb was broken and got me a brace on the way home. As it turns out, he was right, I’d broken a tiny little bone during my fall and didn’t notice because it didn’t hurt. I was in a cast for 3 months.

So anyway, I don’t think there’s anything this doctor could do for me, though he does seem to treat adults with EP. I doubt he’d be willing to risk a surgery, I have a feeling he’ll just tell me to do physically therapy again, and in turn they’ll tell me that if I lost weight my arm would be lighter and easier to move. (Fair enough I guess? I honestly don’t know) but at the least I’d like to talk to a doctor who may be able to tell me a little more about my arm/disability and what to expect from the future. I’d like to know if I’ll degenerate further or meet with any other health issues due to my EP.

(I’d also like to say I’ve been mostly self harm free for years. I had a small relapse where I gave myself a cut that was so small it barely bled, but i immediately knew it wasn’t going to make me feel better and stopped. It’s a habit and an addiction and there’s hope to stop. It gets better, it gets easier to find new outlets. Be patient with yourself, be kind.)

#erbs palsy #brachial plexus injury #bpi #tw self harm #tw mutilation #tw wounds #tw: mental health #healing #growing

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doseofheroes · 5 years

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Stalling

Summary: When Bucky is injured in the woods, he comes across a small cabin.

Words: 4072 (wtf)

Pair: bucky x reader

Warnings: violence, swearing

A/n: it is literally my first time writing anything besides a paper for school so sorry for how terrible it is but I had the idea and wanted to try! Also learnt the hard way about formatting so hopefully its somewhat coherent. Also also I wrote it in a night on my phone... Idk if literally anyone will read this but im kinda happy with how it turned out so enjoy!

When you moved out to the middle of nowhere a couple of months ago you knew you were just stalling. After graduating university four quick years later you were no more sure of what you wanted to do now then when you started. So yes, time off to be alone and think for yourself was a stall tactic, but doesn’t mean it was the wrong move right?

The first couple of weeks were peaceful. You were in a small cabin you rented off airbnb located somewhere on the outer edge of the ** forest. Snow fell as slowly creating a fresh layer as you sat inside cozied up with a blanket and some tea reading by the fire. A clichè but still nice.

You made yourself some pasta for dinner and listened to some old Amy Whinehouse tunes. Cleaning up the dishes you decided to call it an early night and went to bed. Little did you know what or rather who would show up at your door that night.

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Bucky and Natasha had set out on mission to the depths of the ** forest where a known hydra base was located. Their job was to only collect intel for now so they could make a proper plan and bring back the group for execution. The base had turned out to be much larger than they had anticipated counting over 250 hydra agents working on the base so far.

“How the hell are we just getting wind of this now?” Bucky stared at the base in confusion.

“Somethings not right. We should’ve heard about this one when we took out the others.” Nat said sharing a concerned look with Bucky.

“We shouldn’t go any further until we get the others” Nat said as she started to pack up.

“We need to figure out what the deal is here” Bucky started “we can’t leave yet.”

“Bucky, there are 250 of them and 2 of us. I know we’re a little above average but thats a bit overkill. No pun intended.”

Bucky smirked at her attempt at humour but there was no way he was leaving just yet. He felt something was off and he wanted to know what. “I’ll do a quick look around. In and out. No contact”

“Bucky, no. Dont be stupid. I get it, but lets not do something we’ll regret. I’m calling this in, i’ll let them know were heading back.”

Bucky sits silently for a second and notices she’s looking for his agreement. He nods.

As Nat trails back to get a signal Bucky turns back to look at the base. “What are you up to...” he says to himself as he looks around. Thats when he sees it. The ever so familiar blue liquid. Fuck he thinks to himself. Theyre trying again...more super soldiers...more....me. His mind flashes back to his hydra days and all the stuff they made him do. This can’t happen.

Against all better judgement he looks back at Nat who is still facing away and starts to descend down the rocks towards the base. He just needs to get the suitcase filled with the serum and get out.

Reaching the outer gates he looks around to make his plan. Thats when all hell brakes loose. A guard patrolling the fence line spots him and starts to yell. Bucky runs over to take him out before anyone notices but it’s too late. Next thing he knows hes taking on an army of hydra agents, shots flying. Nat hears the commotion and turns around. “I don’t believe this.” She says into her comms. She’s about to start the descent when she realizes its too late. Bucky’s down. They’ve got him. This just became a rescue mission.

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Bucky slowly comes to and tries to rub his face but soon realizes he is restrained. Taking in his surroundings he tries not to let panic set in as he looks around the room of the hydra base. Everyone is silently staring at him now that he’s awake. One of the men mutters something to a nurse and she leaves the room. The door bursts open a minute later and in comes a tall thin man with a lab coat. “Hello Mr Barnes. This is a pleasant surprise.” Bucky says nothing but gives the man a blank stare. “I see, the strong but silent type. Well your timing is opportune for us Mr Barnes. you see, we are finally creating our own little army of, well, you to be blunt, and I think you can give me the answers to the questions that remain.” Bucky stays silent not letting his panic show. The doctor doesn’t say much more telling the nurses to start the work up. They start collecting blood samples.

Bucky knows he doesn’t have long before this gets real bad so he starts to form his escape plan in his head. The restraints do not feel like they will be too difficult to break out of, its the building he is unsure of, having been unconscious when they brought him in. I guess we’re gonna wing it he thinks to himself.

Once the nurses clear and all the guards leave except the two at the door, Bucky knows its time. He breaks out of the restraints easily, as he suspected. He knocks on the door and the two guards turn around, eyes widening with realization. They start yelling as he bursts through the door knocking them both out.

As he makes his way through the building things are getting worse and worse. Thats when he sees the doctor, face not of fear, but perhaps interest? Bucky keeps making his way out when he sees a guy blocking the door. He takes a good look at him and he realizes. Shit. This is no regular soldier.

He starts swinging and while he is holding his own, he is still taking quite the beating. I just have to get out he thinks. The soldier now has a rifle. great. Using his arm to deflect the shots he runs full force to take him down but takes a hit in his side. Bucky grunts as the shot stings but the soldier pulls out a knife and Bucky rolls in a near miss.

Ducking and dodging Bucky reminds himself he’s not here to fight, he just needs to get out. He turns and makes a run for it, and is almost home free when he feels a sharp pain in his shoulder and is knocked down. He turns his head to see the knife sticking out of his back. Pulling it out slowly Bucky cringes at the pain but the soldier is already walking back to him.

A knife fight ensues as Bucky desperately tries to stave him off. A realization comes to Bucky. I gotta take the hit to leave. Bucky slows his movements and he feels the knife go straight into his chest. Screaming in pain bucky pulls out the knife almost regretting that, but now, with both knives in his hand he is able to make a run for it throwing the final two knives hitting the soldier twice as he makes his escape.

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Bucky is out of breath and losing feeling as his body tries to recover from the two stab wounds and the shot. He needs to find a safe place to get the bullet out.

After wandering for a few miles Bucky smells smoke. That’s when he sees it. A house...out here? He checks the perimeter for any signs of hyrda or that someone is living there. There is a car in the driveway but no signs point to hydra. He takes the risk and starts to bang on the door.

What the fuck? You think to yourself as you slowly wake up to a loud noise. Fear sets in when you realize someone is banging on your door. You sit in bed waiting for a few minutes hoping they will go away. When the knocking doesn’t subside you decide to go down and check out who it is. God this is stupid, you’ve seen horror movies y/n!!

You look through the doors peephole and thats when you see him. Its dark out so you can’t make out much but you can tell he is handsome. Really y/n? A stranger is knocking on your door in the middle of nowhere at 2 am and you think ‘ooh he’s handsome’?! You mentally scold yourself. Thats when you notice he is clutching his chest.

“Please. I know you’re there. I can hear you. I just need some help and I will leave. I mean you no harm” please for the love of god let me in Bucky thinks to himself.

You are terrified but he looks really hurt. This is a bad idea...you think to yourself but unlock the door anyway.

Bucky perks up at the noise and the door opens slowly. Buckys eyes look up to you and he stares for a second. “Can I come in, please?” He says softly.

“Oh yes sorry!” You say as you let him in, adrenaline rushing. He walks inside slowly looking around before heading to the kitchen. You go to turn on the lights and flick them on before he has time to yell “Dont!” But its too late. You gasp as you take in his injuries and blood soaked clothes.

You look up to his face. “Please, turn them off” he says firmly but quietly. You do as he says. He has the most beautiful blue eyes you think before being kicked back to reality.

“Are you- are you o-okay?” You ask voice shaky. He stays silent. “Well you’re obviously not okay...but do you need...how can I help you? Should I call the police? You should really-“

“Im fine, no need to call anyone” he says cutting you off. “Do you have a towel or something?” You sit there frozen for a few seconds before you spring into action. You disappear upstairs for a few minutes. Bucky takes a deep breath after you leave trying to reorganize his thoughts. The moment he saw your face he forgot, even just for a moment, why he was there in the first place. You had such a calming presence even though you were clearly panicked. You came back arms full with anything you thought could be remotely useful. First aid kit, towels, and a sewing kit you didn’t know you had until now among other things. As you head back to the kitchen you almost drop everything as the man stands shirtless in front of you. You regain composure placing everything on the counter pretending not to see the man smirk.

“I’m going to need you to take the bullet out.” He deadpans. “What?!” You choke out almost laughing at the thought. “I can’t reach it with my other injuries....” he trails off seeing the panicked look on your face “you know what don’t worry about it I think I can manage” A wave of relief floods over you at his words but as he goes to sit you see him wince and you know he was lying for your benefit. Be strong y/n you can do this, you are a strong independent woman “ I can do it. I can take it out. You’re clearly not okay.” Bucky is about to protest but stops when he feels another wave of pain. He nods at you and sterilizes the tweezers before handing them to you. You grab them reluctantly but give him a small smile. He doesn’t know why but that small action gives him enough comfort he thinks he might just be ok. “Okay here goes nothing” you say as he exhale deeply and stick the tweezers in. Bucky grips the counter top and groans. “Im so sorry!” You quickly retreat from your real life game of operation. “No I’m fine keep going” he says and gives you a reassuring smile. “So..” you try to think of some conversation to keep his mind elsewhere. “Do you like cats?” Oh my god bitch are you for real, you are gonna die alone. You clear your throat awkwardly, too late to back out of this conversation. He cracks a smile at your clear embarrassment but answers your question. “Um Ive never had one but I dont mind them I guess. More of a dog person I think” she nods. “Are you...a cat person?” Yikes this is awkward Bucky thinks to himself. But he kind of likes awkward with you. “ Im in animal person in general. Love them all.” You say half focused on the conversation half focused on his side. You try not to let your eyes wander to his abs...and that chest.. ugh is this a man or a god and thats when you realized you had stopped moving and he was staring at you....staring at him. Your eyes quickly dart away and your face heats up at being so blatantly caught enjoying the view. He chuckles and you quickly change the subject. “So care to explain any of this or are you just going to bleed all over my kitchen?” You say almost defensively trying to hide your embarrassment. Bucky stiffens a little. “Are you going to find the bullet or just stare at me all night?” He says half joking, avoiding the question. “I think” you say before grabbing onto the bullet finally and pulling it out quickly. Bucky winces. “that you are avoiding the question” you finish. “You know me so well already!” He states pouring some alcohol over the wound, wincing again. “Here. Stay still.” You say ready to stitch it up. “You’ve really accepted the nurse role” he says smirking “I appreciate it.” He finished more seriously. You smile back. God he loved that smile. Get yourself together barnes, it’s just a pretty girl. “Wait you’re not actually a nurse are you?” He asks suspiciously.You laugh at the accusation. “No. I’m nothing.” Wow way to spill all you life problems in one depressing sentence y/n!! Ughhh why can’t I talk to men. Well when they look this good...”What do you mean?” He asks ignoring the pain of your amateur stitches. Definitely not a nurse...“I just meant I haven’t decided what I am going to do, or be yet...thats all” you give him a weak smile and he nods in understanding. “You want me to do the others?” You point to his stab wounds. casual. “Uh sure, if you dont mind. Thanks” You nod again and begin working. You sit in silence for a bit before something occurs to Bucky. He didn’t kill that solider...they’ll be looking for him...and he may have led them right here to you. You feel Bucky tense and he begins to look around. “Whats wrong?” You ask suddenly nervous again. Wait when did you stop being nervous? “Nothing” he said quickly. “Well sit still im almost done” you say and he nods. You finish the last stitch and sit up.

“There all done! I cannot believe I just did that” You begin to smile but it quickly fades as Bucky immediately stands up and puts his shirt back on. A confused look grows on your face which quickly turns to fear as Bucky starts pulling out your kitchen knives and shoving them in his belt. He grabs your hand and starts to drag you upstairs “come with me”. You follow.

Once upstairs he looks around before opening the closet door. “Uhhh what are you doing” you say ignoring the feeling you get when he grabs your hips and moves you into the closet. “They must have followed me. Stay in here and don’t make a noise. Dont leave until I come get you.” You stare at him waiting for your brain to catch up. “Do you understand? Not a word.” You nod slowly. “You will be okay. I won’t let anyone hurt you I promise.” He turns to leave then pauses. “Im Bucky by the way.” “Y/n” you reply weakly. With that he smiles then closes the door and you hear his footsteps walk back downstairs. You sit in silence the only noise being your heavy breaths for a few minutes before you hear glass smash. Bucky takes in his surroundings, five agents, all heavily armed but no super solider. That can’t be good. He takes them down one by one with ease mentally apologizing for everything he’s breaking in your home. Once the last agent is down he steps outside and listens for more. He can hear them every so slightly which means they can’t be more than a mile away. He needs to get you out of there, you’re sitting ducks.

He runs back inside and grabs your car keys before heading upstairs to retrieve you. He swings open the closet door and you let out a scream and start kicking. “Hey hey its me!” You look up and realize your safe. “Sorry...wh-what happened?” “We need to leave. I got your keys, leave everything here, stay behind me” You get up slowly and nod sticking closely behind him. He walks slowly and quietly down the stairs then pauses. Oh fu- Buckys thoughts get cut off as he ducks to avoid the super soldiers hand swinging at his head. Ho. Ly. Shit. You think watching Bucky expertly fight what looks like a man but appears to have the strength of an elephant. You hide behind a wall peering around to watch when it hits you. Super strong men...bullets...bucky...im in an airbnb with the winter soldier. The realization hits you like a truck and you turn around stunned. You catch your breath and begin to watch again. Fear settles in all over when you see the soldier choking the life out of Bucky. Without thinking you grab a knife from the floor run over and stab him in the back. The soldier loosens his grip just enough for Bucky to break free and snaps the guys neck before he has a chance to grab you. “Thanks...” he huffs out holding his neck “we have to move” He grabs your arm and takes you out to the car. You both get inside and Bucky just starts driving.

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The drive is mostly silence as you try and process what is happening and Bucky tries to figure out what to say. “You don’t have a phone on you do you?” He asks. “No..uh you told me not to grab anything” “Right” More silence. I have to say something Bucky decides. “I’m sorry for dragging you into this. I wasn’t thinking straight and I-“ “You’re the winter soldier aren’t you?” You cut him off. Oh god. Bucky thought this couldn’t get worse, she called me the winter soldier, shes afraid. “I am- or was” He doesn’t know how else to say it without going off. You sit there for a minute in silence. “Ok” is all you say. Bucky looks at you in surprise. “Ok?” “Yeah, ok” you repeat. With that you shift in your seat and nod off. Ok...Bucky repeats this over and over in his head as he drives back to the compound.

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“So..they’re going to be angry with me...just as a heads up.” Bucky says to you as you arrive at the compound. “What? Aren’t you the one who is injured and missing?” “Well, yes, but it’s my fault. I was reckless and I put everyone in danger. Including you. Im sorry.” Bucky suddenly felt even more guilty in remembering that you were now dragged into this too. “It’s okay, honestly, I’m just glad your okay” you said with a smile. It was true. Yes, you were scared shitless at the time but you’re not going to pretend you weren’t psyched to have met Bucky and soon the avengers! Plus..you were going stir crazy in that cabin... oh the cabin...there goes my deposit. Bucky smiled back and got out of the car. You followed him all the way through the front doors to the elevator and down the hall admiring the building around you. This is a Stark building all right...

Bucky slowed and you could hear the avengers in on the other side of the door discussing. He steps inside and stops. “Hey guys” they all whip their heads around to stare at Bucky. Smooth. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU IDIOT!” You hear a female voice. They all proceed to start yelling at him over one another. “Guys....guys...GUYS” Bucky yells finally prompting them to stop. He steps aside and you figure thats your cue so you enter the room. “Hello” you say awkwardly waving to everyone. They all stare at you then back at him. “Who is this?” Tony friggen stark asks Bucky. “When I escaped i was injured and I came across her house. She stitched me up but they followed me so we took her car and well... here we are!” “Buck, we went in to get you and you weren’t there. What happened?” Oh my goddddd captain america!!!! Neutral face y/n, neutral face, be cool. “I broke out about 30 minutes after I was...taken in... but they had a super soldier of their own. Barely got out of there with a bullet hole and two stab wounds.” Bucky says nonchalantly. Your eyes widen at the implications of his story. For some reason your brain forgot something happened before he showed up at your door. Dude was shot and stabbed twice! What the fuck! “And you coincidentally live up in a cabin in the woods alone near a hydra base?” Tony says to you receiving a glare from Bucky. “Wha- hydra base?- no, I rented that cabin, its an airbnb, I was just staying there for a few months” you say, looking around for confirmation that they believe you. They look at each other skeptically. “She stabbed the super soldier to save me- do I really have to say this?” Bucky tries to defend you. “Hey, look, I should just go home, I don’t mean to cause any trouble” you say suddenly feeling how tired you were. “I’m sorry, but they might have seen you, I can’t let you go home until this is cleared up.” Bucky says sympathetically. Your eyes widen at this statement. You look around at the other faces and your fears are confirmed. “He’s right. We need to figure out what their plan is...and no offence..but who you are.” Steve says earning another glare from bucky. You think about this for a moment. I guess I would be skeptical too... plus staying here wouldn’t be so bad...“Alright. Fair enough.” You say shrugging. Buckys face looks surprised but then relieved. In fact they all look relieved.“Well all right sergeant, show the lady to her room” Tony says grinning at Bucky. With that you follow Bucky through the building.

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When you and Bucky finally reach your new room you can tell he wants to say something. “Im so so-“ “thanks f-“ You both speak at the same time. “You first” you say, giggling.Buckys heart clenches at the sound. ”Look, im just really sorry about all of this, I don’t know how to make it up to you.” You can see the guilt on his face. You want to wipe it away with your hands..mouth... god y/n, you sad little daydreamer. “Really truly, its okay. If it were to be anyone I’m glad its me, I was literally in the middle of doing nothing” you say laughing. “But I know how you can make it up to me” you say smiling. “How, anything” he says, face lighting up, not letting his mind go to the places her statement suggested. My first choice would be to for you to push me up against this door and make out with me buuuut... “give me a tour of this place tomorrow?” You say, the confidence of your subconscious not quite reaching your mouth. “Deal” he says nodding. His eyes linger over you for too long before he notices you stifling a yawn. “Sorry, youve had a long night, I’ll let you sleep. See you tomorrow.” “Tomorrow” you say smiling as he leaves the room. Left alone in this strange place, your thoughts swirl on only one thing, or should you say only one man.

=================================

To be continued?

Comments appreciated :)

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes #mcu #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fic #fanfic #i dont know #fanfiction #winter soldier x reader #marvel

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icharchivist · 6 years

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perso-rant underneath and at first i intended it to be more light hearted but welp cant dive into myself without digging the bad stuff so just ignore this as rambling.

(idk if the cut works on mobile so as usual blacklist #ichapersonal to skip it , its quite long)

its night and im noisy and all but yknow part of the reason m/lb is such a healing show for me and i rewatch it every couple of days?

i cry everytime M.arinette's family is on screen pretty badly bc i get so envious all the time. i hate my shitty family (and often can relate to A.drien's ressentment) so just seeing such a /healthy/ family being often shown litterally brings me to tears. im like C.hat in the animan episode when he stares at the family picture with a sweet smile (another detail that stupidly make me cry who allowed th i s)

like. i dont relate to A.drien's relation to his family but some of the emotional effects is often a moment of "welp. mood." and being kinda sad /for him/ even if i can feel it for myself too. but then with M.arinette's family everytime they get to be on screen i realize how happy this sort of dynamic makes me and it makes me /so envious/.

like my mom is an artist and an excellent cook but she always barred those interests from me bc it was /hers/ and it was for /her ego/ and this attitude just killed every curiosity i had and remplaced it with a complete unability to care.

i used to bake as a kid but my mom was always shutting down everything i was doing, and if i was asking for help or recieps she would just tell le "it's a secret just watch " and never letting me know tf she was doing so i stopped lmao. everytime ive tried meals since it was only for myself and with a hard mocking from family and mom saying she had a better recieps and i should just let her do so i dont even try it often. (moreeven now that the kitchen is opened to the living room and they're super judgemental when im in it)

i was messing with drawings and paints in her workshop when i was a kid but she would always point out flaws and take my tools to correct it without telling nor showing me how and it killed it, it took me until my 14yo to start doing mindless doodles and then my breakdown when i was about 20 to seriously try back to draw and do art and try different tools (until my right hand made it impossible for me to hold a tool and the failure still feels yknow)

i wanted to sew things and make clothes (at the time for my dolls) but my mom was never letting me touch the tools (that we HAD since not only she made clothes but her mom actually had a fabrique shop. like. right next door. i think it became part of my mom's trauma hating her mom and refusing us to connect with her, more so with what happened when i was 7 and we lost contact with them but still, the damn irony. and i cant remember if my grandma ever let me close her sewing material but i was a damn kid after all) so this is another thing i didnt pursue

i wanted to pick up music (piano mostly) bc my uncle is a musician but my parents never wanted to invest in that because they already gave a piano to my sister (that i wasnt allowed to use) so ye that was dropped lmao

and i started to write when i was about 11 and it was that /one thing/ i didnt need help for from anyone, completely self taught, with my own ways and tools, and my parents were always dismissive of it, never listening to me, always telling me it wasnt important, that i should focus on something else, and after other circumstances that added to that i dropped writting around my 17/18yo and it had been painful to even try to write again since.(i came back to writing around my 20yo a bit before my breakdown but after it happened it started to die out and i felt exhausted and stopped after a few months and since then i've never been able to pick up writing again ay.)

(and im not touching the obsessive elements bc like- the fact she does it for her crush makes it different, but the sort of things she does? taking pictures and putting them everywhere in her room when she hyperfixates, making overcomplicated schedules and such? i litteraly do that with fiction. i made a freaking timeline for this show. i am currently working on organizing codex from d.a and an approval guide for christ sake. and im not talking about my multiple fandom shrines in my room and the fact i legit have one for m/lb made from pictures found on merchs.

or also the fact i have a lot of passions i'd love to share and seeing M. play video games with her dad for exemple makes me so bitter when all i get is backhanded insults from my parents when i bring it up.)

So sometimes i see M. and part of me is just in awe, loving everything about her. the other part of me tho... i feel... a bit robbed? like she's such a creative kid, she's incredible and she inspires me everyday, and i cant help but think how i would have adored her when i was a kid. (im not even kidding, as a kid i requested my mom a costume of black cat for h.alloween and a l.adybug costume for the carnaval. i have pictures of that at my dad's place sadly it kills me. also my room when i was a kid used to be covered with l.adybug stickers like. HELL my mom doesnt care about my interests but last year she bought me a M/LB winter callendar (bc its been years i was mentioning i wanted one, a selfish whim but oh well) and i had a huge double take bc i was certain she didnt remember me talking about this show- and she did not. when i asked her why, she legit told me "because she reminded me of you as a kid with your pigtails your obsession for l.adybugs". like!! i cant even stress how kid!me would have adored this show and especially LB./M.) (the pigtails too this time i have proofs around there i used to carry them all the time until i was bullied for it at school. (bullying at school instead of good friends also adds to the difference in question tbh lmao))

there is something so... weird into seeing the parts of yourself that you cut yourself from in a character, and see that the main difference is because of how the family (and bullies) treated those elements so drastically differently.

my family was always neglectful but differently than A.. the things i relate to with him is how he specifically still holds on hope that his father will do better at least just for one day and his reaction when he's left down saying he's just used to it. and like normal, not every kind of abuse are the same and all but i still relate enough to feel sad.

but M. is always a whiplash of feelings like i could have been this sort of girl in a better environment.

at 13/14yo she was already making stuff up, baking, designing clothes, doing art, she was doing so many things, even forgetting the superhero part. she was being happy being a creator at her pace and with encouragement. at 13/14yo i was starting to show concerning signs of d.epression because i was trying to handle my parents's divorces and the multiple trials that followed that /i/ had to handle by finding middle grounds, allowing some of my father's blackmail to avoid worse, and by litterally having to collect infos from mails everytime to prove against some of his arguments to the judges. and my sister refusing to talk to us for a year, which caused us basically to feel very bad thinking of the eldest sister who ran away from home, and having to handle my father's harrasment and emotional abuse of constantly belittling me (fuck this was the age he legit told me i would probably end up a p.rostitute so ye!!! fuck that!!!) andd the fact my mom was also falling apart from all of it on me and i was always supposed to cheer her up while i was having a hard time in a new school and new environment away from the very few friends i had and again feeling abandonned by my sister which freaking sucks after already had suffered that from our eldest one.

but M. makes me cry every. goddam. rewatch. its like maybe the ultimate wish fufilling story of just how i would have loved my family to be. of how i think i could have turned up.

and that realization hits so badly everytime.

there's a thing with my hyperfixations where i'll always find a way to tie it back to my traumas. i dont know if im pulling straws, or if the things are there. for having watched m.lb when it came out unfazed and only got hit with that realization upon rewatching- i feel it was more me realizing "there is something there that is touching me more than before" and having an introspection to get it.

and i think the difference is that- before my breakdown the characters and stories i related to where the eternal optimistic-yet-damaged "never give up!" type of characters. When things started to go downhill to my breakdown and since then the fictions that talked to me the most were all dealing with guilt coming from toxic environment that werent your fault per se but you pierceved that way. my way to relate were to characters who felt deeply connected to their guilt (peak being c.loud of f.f7 that even topped it with the deadly skin disease making him lose will to live (because ye that happened. still hate to watch out for that so ye), and memories issues, you would have told me at 13yo when i first watched that movie that this would be what i would relate to him about 7 years later i would have laughed at your face.), which translated with pushing people away and self destructing habits.

and i know i watched m.lb the first time around that time, when i was 20/21. and that may be why i didnt feel that. that my concerns were too elsewhere to realize that. That i was too focalized on how i felt like i failed by suddenly breaking under the pressure, having all the things i've kept burried kicking me out at once, and that i couldnt afford to be a burden to anyone. and it translated with me loving characters like that because in most cases their friends ended up reminding them of what was important - and sometimes just getting frustrated about your fav being as dumb as it forces you to pull yourself back together lmao. not always working but it was there.

now im 23. i cut ties with my father for about 3/4 years now, with all the shitty things that ensued out of the last trial where he sued me and his still-happening harrasment (sometimes silly sometimes scary). My mom and step dad are suffocating me more and more everyday. my health had become so disastrous i cant even manage to go school or find a job. And more than ever im frustrated and angry.

and i think it may be a shown of recovery? perhaps linked to therapy? of while i still have guilt of falling apart- /they/ are the reason i fell apart. and I'm yet to have proper apologizes for it. i grew furious at my family. of how much i feel robbed.

lately im so angry at everything i lost, was taken of, stolen childhood all of that- because of my parents, mainly. (hell even the bullying at school - in primary school it apparently started bc of gossips about why my eldest sister ran away from home, and in middle school it was first bc my parents insisted on sending me to private school where i was an outcast. which then had me truly embrassing the outcast persona that had made it impossible for me to be at peace in the two others middle schools i went to. highschool saved my social life tbh).

i think it's therapy and recovery that is making me shift the blame and feel so angry at them. so bitter. and suddenly i see in an innocent kid show a "what could have been". same starting personality, different people to channel this.

and this is. frustrating.

but it makes me love it even more. idk if its driving anything else than ressentment but at least for the time of an episode I'm in a bubble of a.lternative universe where i can forget about my life and feel satisfied at once.

like finding a piece of myself that i deliberately broke and burried to never think about it again, and realize far later how it missed to the whole, and how damaged this piece is now, but still is.

and there is something incredibly healing about that. i would never have thought there would be this much healing out of this anger and yet satisfaction. what a strange feeling.

fiction is funny that way. the things people can get out of it to deal with their own psyche are so different one person to the next.

it's just so weird for me to go from "i relate to the horrors this character went through" to "and fuck those horrors. let me think about what could have been if this didnt happen."

even moreso knowing i had this piece of fiction before and didnt approach it that way. there's a time and a mindset for everything. apparently now was the best mindset for me huh

.......

so ye apparently i cant like something like a normal person and have to go on about how it connects to my deeply rooted traumas lmao.

anyway it's been eating me up for weeks now and it's 4:45am i have absolutly no impulse holding me back. if you sat through this piece of work im sorry. just needed it to get it out of my chest.

i'll go back to hugging my cheap-yet-lifesaving c.laire's l.adybug pillow now

good night o/

#ichapersonal

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mingyubias · 6 years

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& i know this is ?? like a month late?? idk but !! someone way back when asked me about my hevie/descendants hcs/thoughts so i’ve decided to make a lil list that i’ll most likely add on to as time goes by and i get more info

first of all, i like to completely disregard the sugar coating that disney put on the entire series. for example, their lives on isle would’ve been grittier and much more cruel than what was depicted in the movies ( and somewhat the books ). i personally see all of their parents as emotionally and mentally Abusive ( bc they definitely are?? and melissa’s account of it def made more sense than .. disney’s igvfdn ).

also i like to imagine them? older? because i just cant personally relate to teens anymore so i see them as like 19 in my mind when im reading fics and the like ( especially since the ones ive read have hevie as sexually active ).

i really and truly dislike mal based both on her actions in the first novel and how she behaved in the films ( a lot of people haven’t read the books, but to sum it up, she spent 3/4 of the first novel tormenting evie first in a petty way and then in two (2) seperate life-threatening ways ). this has left me feeling completely cold towards mal and unable to sympathize with her in her tantrum in d2.

now, though i feel this way about mal, i can completely understand why evie wouldnt. it is literally written that evie brought out the best in people ( “The princess possessed a darling giggle that was so entrancing, it brought a smile to haughty Lady Tremaine’s face [...] The ferocious tiger Shere Kahn was practically purring like a contented kitten. And for old time’s sake, Captain Hook bravely stuck his head between Tick Tock’s open jaws, if only so he could make her laugh and hear that lovely peal again. The princess, it would seem, could make even the most horrible villain smile.” ) even when evie ass KNEW mal was planning something and despised her, she STILL did her best to give her the benefit of the doubt i? ? ? ? ?? ??? ? ? a tru queen

i didn’t read rise of the isle of the lost so i’m not 110% sure how harry is characterized in the books, but uhh id die for him ..

and i also dont? think he and mal ever had a thing lol .. just bc thomas and dove are dating that doesnt mean they gotta add in an unnecessary plotpoint ( especially considering how it’s canon in both the books and the movies that mal’s never had a boyfriend before ben .. *eyeball emoji* ) so uhh miss me with that

and i know that hevie is? a crackship? so dont come to me with “hevie aint canon” like huney i know but theres also no canon evidence negating the possibility either

ok so on to the actual hevie hcs .. cos i think about them a lot vfjdnokm

she is 10/10 the one who showed him how to do the scary pirate eyeliner thing ok but in my mind it started out much cleaner so it was just yk liner but then after scrubbing at his eyes so much ( thanks, salty ocean air ) it just became easier to leave it messy

the blue bandana he wears under his hat ? evie’s. kinda like how knights used to wear the colors of their wives/betrothed w/e its like a subtle claim and him making a lowkey gesture and im Weak over it tbh

captain hook ? loves her .. not only because she clearly has Some clout on the isle, espcially since apparently her momma and maleficent are friends now ( ?? idk disney makin shit up ) so hes like ((:: well !! but on the other hand .. evie is just a generally good person and she makes harry happy and shes charming and beautiful and genuine?? ya i see him really vouching for her ( especially since i dont really consider captain hook a real? villain? ig? he just wanted revenge on the immortal brat who literally Sliced Off His Hand and Fed it to a Crocodile ??? ) so !! ya

evil queen def dont approve but uhh what she doesnt know wont hurt her ..

i dont see her getting along with uma like she does so much in a lot of the fics, though, mostly because i feel like uma would resent her at least a little for basically being the person mal replaced uma with, so .. also for snatching half of harry’s time ( cant have a first mate who’s more loyal to someone else than his captain ). i also don’t see harry and uma as a couple, mostly because i imagine she’s at least a few years younger than him .. like everyone else felt older than they were in the movies, but uma def gave off 17 y/o vibes to me ( so did carlos but hes a lil baby and i love him )

that said, she’d get along really well with gil tho cos shes so kind and understanding and i dont see her getting so easily annoyed with him like everyone else does. not to mention she was .. sorta? friends with his older brothers in the first book so vinjdkm. quasi sister for that boi

theres a lot less interference between the vks and the pirates than you’d think? mostly because they keep it a secret from drama queen mal ( cos in my mind, carlos and jay prolly know cos i uhh trust them with info like this ) though i feel like itd especially put a strain on her relationship with jay since he dont like harry and he was friends with mal first so ..

a loooot of quiet moments in his cabin on uma’s ship .. just enjoying each other’s company on his hammock, slowly rocking back and forth, her probably playing with his fingers cos damn

just as many arguments tho cos theyre both hot headed and their personalities clash like a motherfucker honestly like ?? a ton of banter and low-blow comments that end in heated silence until evie cracks and apologizes or harry slowly grins and they kiss and make up wow i love my kiddos

10/10 see him climbing a trellis like a better version of romeo like vbifbhcjndm wherefore art thou, harry hook? bgvfnj anyways ya i see it very vividly in my mind, especially when theyre first getting to know each other .. like they have whispered conversations on her crumbling balcony and in her mind shes like “why does he seem so familiar????” and hes like “wow who IS this girl” and its cute and silly and he teases her the whole time and she teases right back wow !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deep ass conversations under the stars about what they’d be doing if they were free to go wherever they want .. him talking about sailing the seas as a captain of his own ship and making a name for himself and she realizes as time passes that princes? dont seem very important to her anymore ?? and the more he talks about how wide and vast the ocean is the more appealing it become for her and she begins wishing he’d take her with him sighs

her initiating their first kiss cos uhh pirate or not hes like .. shes a Princess theres no way theres anything between us .. right ?? but obviously she likes him smh silly boy and she rolls her eyes and is like “when are you gonna kiss me?” and he stares at her for a sec before grinning like the roguish pirate he is and doing just that & its surprisingly gentle and uhh reverent BYE

evie willingly kissing him even tho it smear her perfectly applied lipstick ((:: and as an add on to that, evie letting him turn her into a disheveled mess after a thorough makeout session, hair all tangled, lipstick smeared, clothes wrinkled ihbvfnjdm and she lk loves it cos he clearly thinks shes still drop dead gorgeous without all the theatrics her mom ingrained into her mind that she needed to be beautiful ((:: i live and breathe for the acceptance !! wow !!

the angst .. when she goes to auradon .. wow ...... im actually so hurt by it ???? and i def see harry feeling abandoned sighs rip in peace my happy kiddos say hi to pain and suffering (:

doug ? is not a love interest in my mind .. sorry kid .. ur a good friend tho <3 and evie is in auradon watching mal maybe get her happily ever after and evie’s lowkey bitter abt it but obiously doesnt show it cos uhh shes here to love and support her ugli friend !!

harry being a Broody Mess and it making him seem more malicious and vile than before .. easier to enrage, quicker to react .. yk, harry in the movie !

but at the same time !! hes juggling uma’s i-told-you-so’s and trying to find a way to prove himself to his father and wishing evie hadn’t ever left and it being .. no fun at all for him esp with gil muttering about how he wishes evie were around and making the whole situation Worse smh

at the confrontation ohh god !! not the big one with everyone and the wand but before when they took ben ??? damn his eyes RAKED up and down her trying to assess if she was happier without him or if she felt even a little bit of what he did and getting angry when she gets angry over him taking ben i ??!!

evie sneaking away to confront harry personally over it and them getting into a shouting match and leaving things unresolved and WORSE than they’d been before ughhhhh

then ........ few months later boi gets an invite to come to auradon ... color him Surprised over that .. he almost refuses but he thinks of the ship he’s always wanted and quickly packs up his cabin like a second later

evie mentally considering taking harry off the list initially but then remembers that its his only gd chance to get away from the damn isle and out on the sea like he always dreamed & knowing she cant take that chance away from him just cos shes scared to see him again

that got away from me and felt more like fanfic plotting ... but uhh harry being the one who taught her to swordfight cos lbr who else couldve ? jay didnt carry one around until auradon and as far as i know evie didn’t have any sort of fencing lessons ( especially since it was a big deal for lonnie to have been on the team ). so !!

he also taught her a handful of other self-defense maneuvers beyond running and potions that never worked correctly on the isle cos uhh its a shady ass place and hes Worried about her

also he 10/10 calls her princess anyone who disagrees is free to do so but theyre wrong

she repairs his coat All The Time cos boy is always in need of patching up smh BUT she sewed her lil heart with a crown on the inside of his coat right next to where it lays over his heart cos uhh she loves him pce

him bringing her pretty seashells and trinkets he got from the salvage ships .. things like faded gold earrings and necklaces when one time he shows up with this tiny little shard of blue seaglass thats worn into the shape of a heart and she immediately makes it a charm for a bracelet & treasure it above all the other things she has lol !

them being 200% supportive of each other in general and loving one another despite the odds against them??? harry literally willing to risk everything for her ?? her honestly getting tired of hiding him and pretending she doesnt like him and one day just blurting it out to mal and bein like “if you dont like it then that’s just too bad for you” and walking out head held high but deep down freaking the FUCK out bihfnjde and harry being So Proud of her and willing to legitimately fight mal if she gives her shit over it bgvihfnj wow i just .. i just love them so much ..

#hevie #harry x evie #evie x harry #eviarry #???#idk im still working on it #long post #read more cos uhh its .. a lot

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thedappleddragon · 3 years

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Sunday was Mother’s Day, so I spent a little time sewing my fursuit paws to kill time before getting ready to go to her house. I wanted to be there a little after 2 and buy her a plant from my work, but we didn’t leave until after 2 because my sister was slow and lost her glasses. We got her a pink petunia, and I drove there kinda weird because I’m shit at directions. We talked and had a nice time and my uncle called and my cousins said they missed Indiana which was sweet :) eventually we left so emily could do homework and study for finals, and I sewed a little more and did unspeakable atrocities and multiple war crimes and spent too much time on TikTok and played Pokémon mystery dungeon until it was time for bed.

Vaccine day!! Drank water and played a lot of Pokémon mystery dungeon until it was almost time to get ready to leave. My mom asked me to go to the gas station real quick to get her soda and chips, and I was worried that this trip would make me late for my appointment. They didn’t have the soda she wanted but I got her some chips and some Cheetos popcorn for myself. I rushed home, ran inside to give her her chips and blurt out I was running late, told Siri to take me to the Kroger on X road, and gunned it there as fast as I could. I was already late as I pulled up, but I didn’t recognize the parking lot or anything around it. Then I realized it was the wrong fucking Kroger >:( in my rush to get directions and go, I didn’t check the exact address and just tapped the first one apple maps gave me. The one I needed was half an hour down the road the opposite way I had came :( but it wasn’t all bad, as I sat in my car trying to call and ask if I could still get my shot even if I missed my appointment, a woman walked in front of me to her car and a pint of ice cream fell off her cart. I hung up the phone and got out to hand it to her. She was very grateful and said that was so nice of me and cracked a joke saying there would have been chaos in the house if she had forgotten it lol. I told her to have a nice day and went back to my car, called Kroger back, got no help other than an automated robot voice telling me to go to their website, gained my composure and typed in the exact address I had saved in a picture. I’m so mad because it would have been SUCH an easier drive if I went the right way first, it literally would have been a straight shot from my house there down one major road. But anyway I got there, they said i could still get my shot, I filled out a paper, sat down, the nurse shot me and I hardly felt it (very anticlimactic compared to last time where I worked myself up to tears. I think I already knew it wasn’t going to hurt, so I was already more relaxed so less muscle for the needle to fight), no reaction in the 15 minutes there, so I left and went to the Starbucks across the street for 2 cake pops, one for me and one for my sister. The drive home was uneventful, just a straight shot down X road pretty much. I took the opportunity to sing mlp songs in the car, both canon and fan made. Even tho I was alone and my windows were up it still felt embarrassing and wrong to sing at like a shouting volume lol. So I got home and turns out Starbucks lies about the 2 flavors they had available so my sister got cookie dough instead of birthday cake, and I got chocolate. It was really good tho, I’ll probably get one again some time. Then I hung out and played Pokémon mystery dungeon until my mom had me do a Walmart grocery pickup. I didn’t want to get out of my pajama pants so I wore them there since I didn’t have to get out of the car. Drove home, gave mom her stuff, played Pokémon mystery dungeon, slept.

One of these night I had a dream about running into a friend* who I had ghosted on Snapchat. We were in a Menards or sams club, just a large store, and I had to run around and avoid him as he chased after me, wanting to know why I never opened his text. Some girls told me it was going to be a suicide note, others told me I was horrible for ignoring him. It didn’t leave me with lasting feelings as I woke up, but I know I’m guilty about it in the back of my head. I already KNOW if I open it it’s just going to say “hi,” and talking to him is annoying, and idk why I was friends with him for so long, and I don’t want to keep in contact with him, but he’s a sad shitty boy and I feel bad for him but I don’t want to take responsibility for him or try to make him feel better or whatever. But some good news is that Snapchat is no longer giving me a notification about it, since it’s been 4 weeks now. I just don’t want to think about it anymore. I’ve been asking Siri to flip a coin when I see the notification, waiting for her to flip 3 heads in a row before I open it. So far that hasn’t happened. I wish there was a way for me to open it without him seeing that I did and just not respond, but that’s not how Snapchat works :/ whatever. I had another dream the next night where I became severely depressed and daughter out things to make me feel worse, and when I woke up I just thought it was funny. As soon as I was conscious enough to realize I was asleep in my bed, I felt better, which is what made it so funny. Idk.

And as for today! I was fully prepared for vaccine side effects to hit me like a train today, but I woke up feeling completely fine, even after sleeping on the shoulder I got shot in. Obviously there was a little residual upper arm soreness and stiffness, but other than that, nothing. I texted my friend how her side effects were, and she said it was bad when she woke up but after like 3 hours she was fine. I had asked my work for a day off so I could rest, but since I wasn’t feeling anything, I told the garden center boss I was available today to work. So I played Pokémon mystery dungeon until I had to get ready and leave, but the car I was supposed to take was doing it’s rumbly engine thing again, so my dad revved the engine really hard for a bit until it fixed itself. Work was pretty uneventful, just shuffling plants forever. I did get a new vest, tho. ACTUALLY ONE REALLY FUNNY THING DIS HAPPEN TODAY. My coworker and I were moving hanging planters when we saw 2 birds on the ground fucking each other. She thought they were fighting at first, and it was really damn funny. After work I went to Hardee’s to use my coupon, but apparently they discontinued their normal chicken sandwich?? So instead I got 2 chicken clubs for my sister and I and the drive through lady gave me 2 buy one get one free coupons for when their new breaded chicken sandwich comes out. I thought the club was just ok, but my sister took 3 bites and decided she didn’t want it. I had a couple bites of hers, but gave the rest to my dad when he got home. Oh also he deposited my paycheck into my bank account for me :) he also brought home sushi and these flavored pretzels that are really good but I always end up eating too many 😔 so I played Pokémon mystery dungeon for the rest of the night, eating my sushi and some pretzels somewhere in the middle of it. And now I’m typing this up, but my hips and elbows hurt :( I think my hip pain is from standing and walking back and forth and bending over so much at work, and the elbow pain from holding my arms in the same position playing Pokémon mystery dungeon so much in the past week. I think I’ll just pop an Advil and sleep it off.

Worked 1-5 today

#may 2021 daily #2021 daily

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lucifer-kane · 4 years

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Long post with all those damn questions, For Luca!

1. What is their gender?: transmasc but also ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

2. What is their sexuality?: bi

3. What is the meaning behind their name? Do they have any nicknames?: Not really a meaning to him, just he saw a name and was like ‘mine now’. Nicknames range from “Lu” to “Shit head” Depending who it is

4. Do they have any siblings? How many? Are they older or younger? Which sibling are they the closest with?: One sister! She’s younger and they’re pretty close, the void kinda fucked that up but they reconnected

5. What’s their relationship with their parents like? What about other relatives?: Very close with his parents, they’re not all that close with more distant family.

6. What would they give their life for?: Real talk? Fuck the void up so no one else can get hurt because of it

7. Are they in a romantic relationship? With who? How did they meet?: Depending what verse, it’s Ron mainly, the Big Husband. Then the “Self Care” one is the big ot4 of him with Ron/Jack/Sammy and it’s real good stuff But sticking with Ron, they met because Luca spent so much damn time at the lake after he got thrown out of the void because it was kind of a peaceful spot, he loves it there.

8. What do they believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?: He’s not super sure at this point, and it scares him just a bit

9. What is their favorite color? Favorite animal?: Deep green, Ferret

10. What are some of their talents/skills?: Art mostly, really good at fishing in all honesty.

11. If they could make a mark on history, what would they like it to be?: Making King Falls not be Like That all the time, helping make it a more comfortable place to live for anyone.

12. How old are they? When is their birthday?: 35/37 Feb 14th

13. What do they do for fun?: Draw, nap by the lake, read, rollerblade

14. What is their favorite food? How often do they get to eat it?: Ron makes really good chicken fried steak and he will eat it as much as Ron will make it

15. What was something their parents taught them?: Mom: Sewing Dad: Fishing

16. Are they religious?: Nah, more agnostic than anything else

17. Where were they born?: Biiiiiig Pine

18. What languages can they speak? Where did they learn these languages?: Mostly English, some Polish (moms side of the family)

19. What is their occupation?: Freelancer

20. Do they have any titles? How did they earn them?: None

Personality:

21. What is their favorite thing about their personality?: How nice he can be

22. What is their least favorite thing about their personality?: Silent anger

23. Do they get lonely easily?: Very much so

24. Do you know their MBTI type?: Not At All

25. What is their biggest flaw?: He’ll shut down if mad, will run off to do something without telling anyone first

26. Are they aware of their flaws?: 100%

27. What is their biggest strength?: The ability to admit he was wrong

28. Are they aware of their strengths?: Yes

29. How would they describe their own personality?: Timid, talkative when someone gets to know him, funny, kind

30. When frightened, will they resort to “fight” or “flight”?: Fight! Fight! Fight. Has punched Frickard more than once

31. Does this character ever put somebody else’s needs before their own? Who do they do this for? How often do they do this?: Absolutely, and constantly. First it was Ron for a couple reasons, but Jack is the biggest

32. What is their self esteem like?: Eh? Could be better, but not the worse really

33. What is their biggest fear? How would they react to having to face it?: Going back into the void / he goes back in there to save his friend

34. How easily do they trust others with their secrets? With their lives?: Secrets: Depends how close they are. Life: They gotta be close as hell

35. What is the easiest way to annoy them?: Ask them about the void really

36. What is their sense of humor like? Give an example of a joke they would find humorous.: Dark humor, uses it mostly as a front

37. How easy is it for them to say “I love you”? Do they say it without meaning it?: Very easy! Never said without meaning

38. What do others admire most about their personality?: Energetic, but will chill if others aren’t wanting to deal with it

39. What does their happily ever after look like?: A comfortable life, stability.

40. Who do they trust most? Is that trust mutual?: Ron mostly, 100% mutual.

Physical Profile:

41. What does their laugh sound like? Do they snort when they laugh? How often do they laugh?: So many snorts, it’s loud and happy, they laugh a lot more often now

42. What is their favorite thing about their physical appearance?: Hair! Hair! Hair!

43. What is their least favorite thing about their physical appearance?: Weirdly short torso?? idk really

44. Do they have any scars? If so, what are the stories behind those scars?: A few, most from void weirdness

45. How would they describe their own appearance?: Not tall, not short, stocky

46. How easily can they express emotions? How easily can they hide emotions?: Expressing post void was a little hard, emotions for the first little while just showed without him wanting them to. Same with hiding

47. What’s their pain tolerance like?: Pretty high really

48. Do they have any tattoos? What are the stories behind those tattoos?: A few (not fleshed out)

49. Do they have any piercings?: ears/belly button

50. How would you describe their style of clothing? How would they describe their style of clothing?: Comfortable for both.

51. What is their height? Weight?: 5′8 / ????

52. What is their body type? Are they muscular, chubby, skinny, etc?: chubby/broad shoulders

53. What is their hair color? Eye color? Skin tone?: Hair: white/reddish brown Eyes: Hazel Skin tone: White/Tanned

54. What is their current hairstyle? What have been some of their past hairstyles? Which was their favorite hairstyle?: Shaved at the sides/long at the top, it’s been that way since basically forever

55. What is their alcohol tolerance like? What kind of drunk are they? How bad are their hangovers?: Quite high, giggily drunk, not that bad really

56. What do they smell like? Why do they smell like this? (Is it the things they’re around or a perfume they wear?): Pine-y? Like the earth and dirt but not in a bad way.

57. How do they feel about sex? Are they a virgin?: It’s fun! He likes it. definitely not

58. What is their most noticeable physical attribute?: Strong Arms

59. What does their resting face look like? Do they have RBF?: Tired more than anything

60. Describe the way they sleep.: Tosses and turns a lot, loves sleeping on his stomach if alone. If with someone(s), loves being cuddled up

Environment:

61. Which season is their favorite season?: Fall!

62. Have they ever been betrayed? How did it affect their ability to trust others?: Eh, not really

63. What is always guaranteed to make them smile?: Friends, a good joke

64. Do they get cold easily? Do they get overheated easily?: Cold real easily, can almost never get warm

65. What’s their immune system like? Do they get sick often? How do they react to getting sick?: Shockingly good immune system, is grumpy when sick

66. Where do they live? Do they like it there?: King Falls is nice, he could like a warmer climate, but likes the size of the town

67. Is their bedroom messy? What about their bathroom? Kitchen? Living room?: He’s actually really neat, gets anxious if things are messy

68. How did their environment growing up affect their personality?: I don’t think it really did??

69. How did the people in their environment growing up affect their personality?: Not as much as some would think

70. How do they feel about animals? Do they have any pets?: Loves animals! Has a dog!

71. How are they with children? Do they have any? Do they want any?: Loves kids so much, will have 2

72. Would they rather have stability or comfort?: Stability

73. Do they prefer the indoors or outdoors?: Outdoors

74. What weather is their favorite? Do they like storms?: Warm but not too hot, not a fan of storms

75. If given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?: So many doodles

76. How organized are they?: SUPER organized, helped Ron get the bait shop more organized

77. What is their most prized possession?: A lil art book from his grandfather

78. Who do they consider to be their best friend?: Hard to say, he’s close with a few other sonas, loves them SO much, he can’t just pick one person

79. What is their economic situation?: Could be better, but comfortable

80. Are they a morning person or a night owl?: Night owl all the damn way

Miscellaneous:

81. Are they bothered by the sight of blood?: Nah, he was going to be a doctor

82. What is their handwriting like?: Could be better

83. Can they swim? How well? Do they like to swim?: Good swimmer! Not great, but good enough to swim in the lake

84. Which deadly sin do they represent best?: Envy (past) Wrath (current, more towards assholes in town)

85. Do they believe in ghosts?: 100% (”Apparitions!”)

86. How do they celebrate holidays? How do they celebrate birthdays?: Holidays are spent with friends and family, same with birthdays

87. What is something they regret?: Leaving Jack even if it wasn’t in his control

88. Do they have an accent?: Not really??

89. What is their D&D alignment? Neutral Good

90. Are they right or left handed?: Left!

91. If they were a tweet, what tweet would they be?

92. Describe them as a John Mulaney gif.

93. What’s the most iconic line of dialogue they’ve ever said?: I.... really don’t think about this thing often alkjsfgrlkh “You know Harrison? The weird immortal bastard? I’m gonna go break into his house and steal some shit”

Not really ~iconic~ but like Drunk Luca is just Time To Crime

#kfam sona #oc shit

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