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gothamcityneedsme · 3 years

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I saw this bouncing around my dash and decided to fill it out myself for fun :) I decided to not double-list any games, and I tried to mix up the companies I used too so that the list would be more unique.

Long post, so I’m doing a readmore for my longwinded part lol.

(read more)

Favorite Game: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2: The Sith Lords - I could talk about this game forever. How it tears apart the Star Wars universe from within, how it creates a compelling story while challenging the usual themes, etc. I could talk for ages about the characters and how their motivations slot in place, and how this game lends itself to interpretation and analysis alongside roleplay. It’s just a wonderful game, one I deeply love and will always love. It’s a game that isn’t afraid to have you talk to other characters for twenty or thirty minutes at a time and honestly I’m always riveted at every line. This game deserves the cult fanbase it has, but I think there’s a lot the fanbase misses in appreciating this game. (Note...gameplay is a little janky and a community made mod restores a lot content that was cut before shipping-the game wasn’t properly finished).

Best Story: Fallout New Vegas - It’s the setting that makes the story here, and all the moving pieces and factions alongside the main conflict really make this game stand out. There’s so many little pieces to find along the way in the world and the way the main quest splits based on who you want in power feels important--and you are choosing a future for this whole region.

Favorite Art Style: The Witness - This game is peacefully wonderful with its visuals. There are wonderful nature scenes and nests of wires and panels spreading in various parts of the island that are fascinating to look at. The environment is half of the gameplay in most areas, so it’s important to look around even though exploration is not really the gameplay. You find puzzles in the world, even in nature, and it’s fascinating. The colors are bright and beautiful. There is even a map in the middle of the island inside of a lake that helps you track your progress if you notice it (it isn’t like a normal ‘map’).

Favorite Soundtrack: Shin Megami Tensei IV - I love video game soundtracks, but SMTIV is something special. The music booms in ways that make you really understand the atmosphere of the world, and there’s a great mix of different kinds of tracks for different places. I love the tracks for the other worlds you enter, and the themes of the different routes are done so well. Some of the music draws from past SMT games, but the remixes done for this game really are stunning to me, and there’s so many fantastic original tracks.

Hardest Game: I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream - I love this game but I literally never touch it without a walkthrough, which is why it gets to be the hardest game on the list, despite being a point and click adventure game lol. Also just emotionally this game is challenging too, but I definitely mean this more in terms of getting a ‘perfect run’.

Funniest Game: The Stanley Parable - Trying to make this list has taught me that I don’t really play many ‘funny games’. I don’t know if a game where multiple endings demand that you kill yourself should count as a ‘funniest game’, but it is also a game where the narrator tells you to stare at a fern and memorize its features, so....it counts.

Game I Like that is Hated: RWBY Grimm Eclipse - I’ve been playing this game since it was in early access and have loved it the whole time. I find the gameplay soothing and fun, and I like playing the different characters. It’s a game I play to chill out and just enjoy some fun battle mechanics. It’s a fun game and I’ve spent over 100 hours in it, so I hope I like it, lol.

Game I Hate that is Liked: Nier Automata - Neither this game’s gameplay or story impress me, and the fact that you have to replay basically the same stuff from a more boring-to-play-character’s pov in order to SEE all of the plot is a huge damper on the experience. The story, to me, someone who engages with a lot of robot-focused fiction, is far from impressive or new, and it hardly engages with genre specifics at all, let alone in a new or interesting way. I view this game as ‘a story with robots in it’ rather than ‘a story about robots’, which, to me, is a detriment.

Underrated: Nevermind - This game is amazing and very unheard of--and when it is heard of, it has been marketed incorrectly. Nevermind seems like a horror game, and does market itself as one a bit, but it’s much more than that. It’s more about trauma, recovery, therapy, etc. This is a game that is so mindful about the topics it engages in that I am impressed by it every time. It’s heavy with symbolism and character, despite lacking conversations or other similar game mechanics. This is a lovely game that I really wish more people knew about-`p5-all of the patients are so interesting, and the focus on recovery and mental health is impressive.

Overrated: Fire Emblem - I sort of mean this as the series as a whole really. I have enjoyed the entries I have played somewhat, but I overall consider the series much less impressive than I was led to believe by others. The gameplay especially is not impressive to me in any regard, even though I sometimes do find myself enjoying it. The stories are alright, but many of them are weighed down by the gameplay and as a writer and person who likes to analyze writing, it’s very hard to do so when it isn’t able to fully exist under the chains the gameplay forces on it. There are ways to mix gameplay and story well, Fire Emblem has not really done that in any of the entries I’ve played. That being said, I don’t regret playing them, and I will occasionally replay, but I consider them mediocre games at best.

Best Voice Acting: Devil Survivor 2 - I love the voice acting in this game. I feel like all the characters are really suited to their voices, and it’s really easy for me to visualize their voices. They really bring the game to life and make both the dramatic and the funny scenes more enjoyable.

Worst Voice Acting: Jedi Knight Jedi Academy - I love this game, I really do, but some of the voice acting is janky. Some of it is okay too--I think Kyle Katarn’s voice actor does fine, and some of the others I like NOW but hated when I was a kid, but the male protagonist voice in this game is just awful. Which is bad when Jennifer Hale is the female voice actress lol. His performance is passable though unless you’re playing darksided--the darksided ending to the game lacks all punch when you’re playing the male protagonist.

Favorite Male: Battler Ushiromiya from Umineko no Naku Koro Ni - He’s the protagonist for most of the visual novels and I adore him utterly, especially once you move past episode 2. He’s a wonderful character who I care about deeply. I love his drive and how he fights--he’s someone who is easy to cheer for. He matures well throughout the series and his character development is just wonderful.

Favorite Female: Naoto Shirogane from Persona 4 - I really like how Naoto fits so well in the game, especially for being a final recruit--oftentimes the final recruit of Persona games (post 3) have a bit of a more difficult time feeling right with the group. Naoto works really well though, and I love her struggles and story as well. I think the difficulties she has concerning living as a woman in her field hit very deep to a problem that has existed for a very long time.

Favorite Protagonist: Connor of Daventry from King’s Quest 8 Mask of Eternity - I’m like, one of four fans of this character in the world, lol. KQ8 is not a very well liked game and it does have a lot of issues, both with age and with how much of a departure it is from the series prior to it. It’s strange to take a puzzle adventure game and make it a hybrid with what basically is a shooter, and it doesn’t really work. Add to that the fact that you spend most of your time in the game without anyone around to talk to and it leads to this really polarizing and weird experience. For me, Conner goes through what I would consider to be the ‘Ultimate Nightmare Scenario”. Everyone in the world is turned to stone except him (and he survived out of mere chance) and so now it’s up to him, practically alone, to save the entire world. There is no game lonelier than this. I adore him for his bravery in the face of it, and how he just picks up to do what must be done because someone should do it, and if no one else can, then he will. I also really love how he apologizes to people who are encased in stone while he takes money from their houses to help him on his journey. I really do think he went back after the game was over and gave everyone heaps of gold to pay them back with interest lol.

Favorite Village: Oakvale from Fable - The first Fable is the only one I really like, and it was one of the games I played when I was little, so the hometown in the game always meant a lot to me. I like how you grow up there and how your tragic backstory is there--and then how you get to return to the town years later after you’ve come into your own, and you can see it completely rebuilt. I like to spend a lot of my time in this town, just wandering around it and playing the minigames. Even though I have a house in every town, Oakvale is where my hero calls home.

Most Hated Character: Merril from Dragon Age 2 - I don’t really want to lay into how I feel about Merril, but what I will say is that it was suggested to me that I totally ignore her when playing, and I did so. I only met her for her quest, dropped her off in town, and literally never spoke to her or interacted for the rest of the game. I had a much better experience for it, honestly. She appeared after I made my choice in the end of the game, which felt weird since I hadn’t spoken to her in several ingame years, but other than that, the game was totally fine without her. I sort of just wish you could kill characters in DA2 the way you can in DAO, then I’d just do that, tbh. It doesn’t suit very many (or any) of the characters I rp in DA2 to keep her around or support her in any way.

First Game I Played: Mixed up Mother Goose Deluxe - I’m not actually sure if this is the FIRST game I’ve ever played or not, but it’s one of the first I played alone as a kid. I really loved it--this is probably what created my love for point and click adventures, and the game was very silly and fun.

Favorite Company: Bioware - I’ve always been a sucker for Bioware games, ever since Knights of the Old Republic 1 was my favorite childhood game. I love how they do stories and party members, and while I’m not a fan of all of their games, I really love what they’ve made and their style of storytelling and character driven plot. Even though sometimes their stories get cliche, I think the suit video games well and most of my early gaming was within their games.

Hated Company: EA - Bioware truly only started to go to shit after the EA acquisition, so I fucking hate EA. I know Bioware had issues before EA too, but I definitely don’t think EA has helped the situation whatsoever.

Depressing Game: The Beginner’s Guide - I relate to this game as a creator and a writer, and it affects me deeply because of the story it tells and the questions it raises. It makes me reflect on how I think of myself as a creator, and it reminds me of friendships I used to have.

Creepy Game: The Path - God, I love this game. It’s just aimlessly wandering around and finding symbolic scenery and watching your current character comment on it. Then, you go off to find your girl’s wolf, and each one is different and unique to her, and you watch it ‘kill’ her--and facing her wolf is the only way each girl can truly mature. Whenever you get to grandmother’s house, the camera switches to first person, and your eyes keep closing, so you can only see while clicking to move. It forces you to keep moving so that you can see, but since you are moving, you only get to see things somewhat vaguely. It’s got a great atmosphere, and I love the symbolic storytelling.

Happy Game: Eastshade - This game is so sweet. There’s some drama around to with many of the quests, but I like this as an rpg without combat, and I think this would be a really good kids game. There’s a lot to see and explore, and the game was made to be really pretty so that you want to paint several aspects of it. It’s really lovely to just wander around in this game and bike around the area, painting anything that suits your fancy. As long as you don’t finish the main quest, you’re free to wander, and materials do respawn, so you essentially can infinitely paint once you get far enough.

Favorite Ending: Virtue’s Last Reward - I love the questions this game asks and where the ending goes. It thematically ties together--the whole reason the game itself exists is to get the attention of a ‘higher being’--the player, essentially. I love how it plays with that concept, and even though the final game in the series doesn’t entirely pick this idea up where this game left it, standalone this game is stunning in how it comes together.

#shitpost #long post #this was fun to do #i made it so every answer was a different video game and i tried to mix up my companies as well #got 3 atlus games on here but mer #2 obsidon #llol #2 sierra too haha but still #beginner's guide and tsp were made by the same guy too but #STILL I LIMITED MYSELF OK #these answers aren't absolute because i was trying to have a good diverse list lol

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rq-s · 4 years

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Title: Falling Down

Pairing: Xu Minghao / NB!Reader

Genre: Light Angst & Platonic OR Romantic

Word Count: 2.9k+

Warnings: None. However, I do interpret the timeline and meaning of his lyrics loosely. I can’t and don’t claim that it’s the “correct” way to do so; he wrote it to be ambiguous for a wide audience to enjoy. Please watch the Falling Down Making Film for clarity.

Credits: ENG Translation of Falling Down

Summary: You and Minghao have been consistent penpals since 2004, sharing each other’s cultures, languages, passions, and lives as you both grew up. 2014 came around and letter from him only came in 4 times, and only 1 in 2015. The last this you ever heard from him read he was a bird in a cage.

Notes: Italic = letter ... = omitted letter content

My Masterlist

Spring 2004

“How about this one, honey?” Mom handed me a postcard from a spot on the rack that I couldn’t reach. The large font caught my attention and told me it was a landscape picture of the closest national park. Though nothing in the picture was recognizable, it reminded me of camping, which made me smile despite having never been before.

“Sure.” Was all I said, and I followed her as she pushed our full shopping cart to the register and began chatting with the cashier.

Like usual, I quickly put the postcard on the conveyor belt along with the groceries. As soon as it was empty, I went to the bagging station and put the scanned and bagged items back into the cart. Making sure to the boxes and cartons together neatly like Tetris, careful not to squish the bread.

“What a diligent little kid you have!” The cashier spoke, her voice worn with age, but with a sense of joy that reminded me of a stereotypical grandmother.

“She always says I do it wrong.” Mom joked, smirking at me. She never did let go of my “If you want it done right, do it yourself.” attitude I had even as a kid.

Mom finished paying, and we went put into the chilly morning air of the parking lot that was made even colder by the shadow of the supermarket. I once again moved the bags from the cart to the trunk and brought the cart to the nearest drop off spot while Mom started the car.

The ride home was mostly silent, save for the sound of the road beneath the wheels and the hum of the heater.

“Thanks for letting me do the penpal thing, Mom.”

“You’re welcome, but remember the deal; you get more chores to do. You’re 7 years old now, you can handle doing the dishes by yourself, right?” The tone of her voice was completely serious, but I couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’ve been helping with the dishes for years, and I’ve learned from the best. I’ve got this!”

When we got home, I scoured the bags for that postcard, and luckily it was only bent on one corner. I wrote down bit of info about that park - whatever Google told me, and set it aside. I grabbed the template application from my school binder and filled in the blanks.

Hello! My name is _____________, I’m __ years old, and I am from ________! I am learning Mandarin, but I’m still a beginner. I hope to learn more about your culture and language as we exchange letters!

For now, I will tell you a bit about myself. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Along with this letter is a postcard and other information about where I am from!

I hope to hear from you soon!

Signed,

_____________

It was a pretty basic template that we had to copy from, and in retrospect, it was cringy as all heck, but it had to be formatted juuust right and follow the guidelines exactly, or the penpal program admin’s wouldn’t accept it.

From what I was told, someone from China who’d also applied and been approved would be paired with me, based on age and interests. Only this first letter was prewritten. Once we were paired up, the letters themselves and the mailing of them was up to me and my family.

I was lucky I got a match at all, most of the kids in my class didn’t. I learned pretty quickly why: I was the only one who put “dancing” as an interest.

Summer 2007

...

This was a frog I found at the lake! Mom got mad that I touched it, and when it jumped out of my hands and back into the water, it got mud all over us!!

Later we had a barbecue and some other campers came buy, but their kids were teenagers and didn’t wanna play with me, so here is a picture of me pouting in the tent instead of having fun.

...

This is the last one, when we finally got home from the long car ride. we all were sunburned really bad, but it looks like you can see freckles on my face because of it!

Whenever either of us would go on trips, even just to the water park or to a festival, we’d take Polaroid pictures to send. Most the earlier pictures Minghao sent were of him at tournaments, then they turned into selfies from after dance practice. It wasn’t until they were in their teens that he began to take more artsy pictures, with the occasional selfie thrown in. He’d always put at least one polaroid in each envelope, and photography quickly became one of the many things he excelled at.

Winter 2010

…

And I still can’t believe you were on TV!! Twice!!! All these letters… I can use them as blackmail someday when you’re a superstar! Muahah!!

I’m not nearly as good as you still, but Miss Lilly says my footwork has gotten a lot better! I wish you could teach me, but words don’t have the same effect as seeing it. I doubt I’d get it even if you tried to explain… and don’t even think about trying to teach me any martial arts, my brain will melt!!

…

My letters were always a bit longer than Minghao’s, and were full of run on sentences and unorganized thoughts. He was always clear and concise, yet sensitive. He always gave strong and encouraging advice on my Mandarin, but my English tips barely seemed to help him. I always cared more about getting to know him and telling my own stories than about practicing. Though, I don’t know what stories I had worth telling as a 13 year old. We contrasted each other a lot, and Mom said it made us a better fit for each other.

It wasn’t a weekly thing, but we always wrote when we could and has a steady back and forth. Sometimes the envelopes were thick, with many pages, postcards, candies, cool leaves or rocks we’d found, songs we had been listening too; things we cared about and wanted to share. But sometimes they were thin, barely a page long, with hastily written characters and a sincere apology. Both made me smile the same just the same – both showed how much he cared.

Spring 2012

Perhaps it was because we were the same age, and despite not meeting, had spent so much time together. He somehow always understood me, and never made jokes when I was opening up about the less fun sides of life. He went at his own pace, and it took quite some time, but he eventually felt comfortable doing the same.

…

I’ve worked so hard for this, I know I’m capable, but I’m genuinely terrified. But I’m excited, too. I feel so overwhelmed and I don’t feel like I can tell anyone, they’ll worry, or they’ll tell me I shouldn’t do it.

I want to try. I want to be on that stage and in that tournament and I want to come out having earned something.

…

Fall 2012

Congratulations!! Now I can brag that I know THE Xu Minghao who won 8th at a WORLD DANCE COMPETITION!!!! I knew you’d do great. Yeah, you were nervous, but your hard work showed through!

As soon as I read the news online, I was so happy. Eight is a good number, right? I think It suits you. Even when you're laying down, you have infinite potential! That’s you, Xu Minghao, Number 8, my best friend.

Come to think of it, it's been about 8 years since we met, hasn’t it? it must be some sort of prophecy!!! Haha I’m kidding, but seriously… That’s more than half our lives. We’ve spent knowing each other half of the time we’ve even been on this Earth!

I’m really glad I know you, Minghao. I’d be lonely without your letters, I think. I hope I make your days brighter, like you make mine. I hope we never forget about each other.

It was rare for me to get so sentimental, but he needed someone to be his fan, and I wanted to be the best fan of Xu Minghao I could be. Not to say I was the first, like I would joke about doing, but because he deserves it. I knew it from the way he talked about training, that he’d make himself a star someday, no matter what.

Because of this, though, it was this letter and onward that we stopped doing the copies and corrections. I noticed myself missing his teasing marks on my papers, or the cheeky smiley faces he’d draw when I did well. We stopped sending trinkets and polaroids too, so each envelope felt a lot emptier.

Spring 2013

I’m really going to Korea now… The flight is in a few days, I’ll send you another letter from the new address as soon as I get there, so please wait for it!

…

I had bad dreams back then, about how things would be different, slower and distant. His letters were a significant part of my life, and I was afraid to lose that. Yet I was surprised he was even allowed to keep sending me letters. Retrospectively thinking though, it wasn’t like he wasn’t allowed to write to his family.

Was I like family to him back then?

Winter 2013

I’m sorry for not writing you back sooner. The company has been really busy with Seventeen TV starting. I’ve been practicing a lot, I barely have time to eat or sleep, let alone sit down and write. There’s barely anyone around who knows Mandarin, and I’m still just learning how to make sentences in Korean, and they call me Myungho… Those who I can talk to are all boys, but they’re my friends, and possible group members, so I shouldn’t mind.

I miss your handwriting. Sometimes I reread our old letters, and notice that we’ve changed so much. But I keep every memory, did you know that?

I always feel better quickly. When I think about being on a stage, having fans singing with us and cheering for me… It makes me so happy that I cry, sometimes. But then I can’t help but think, “Will it ever be me? Or will I just dream of being there, and someone else will get the chance?”

That’s usually when I find one of your letters. The one you sent on my birthday a couple months ago, that you sprayed with that citrus scent? It’s my favorite, I relax so much when I read it. It reminds me of home, somehow.

I’ll try to write more often, I’m sure you’ve been patiently waiting. Let’s exchange pictures again, it’s been a while, right? I just really miss you.

Was he like family to me? No… I think, back then at least, it was something special for me.

Summer 2014

Hey! I haven't heard from you since April! I miss you a lot, but I know you must be really busy. I’ve been trying to watch the previous Seventeen TV episodes when I can, the other boys seem funny and nice. I hope they all take care of you, like you say Junhui has been.

I’m always wishing you sweet dreams, I worry about how you’ve been. I wish I’d have asked for your phone number or email or something before, but now that you’re so busy and under a big company… I just hope these letters and postcards reach you well.

…

Fall 2014

…

Also, they’ve been saying I’ll qualify to be on SeventeenTV soon. The others are hoping it’s a sign that we’ll get to debut soon. You’ll watch it, right?

Things are looking bright for me and my brothers here, but I can’t help but feel full of dread. I can’t pinpoint why. Junhui said it might be stage fright, but I don’t feel afraid.

I know they all support me, and I support them, but I feel like I might disappear, and not even you would remember me. I know its not true but it’s what I’m feeling.

…

Winter 2014

I SAW YOU!! I watched it as soon as it released, I didn’t understand what most of them were saying without English subtitles, but I could understand you, and I saw you! I’m so proud of you Minghao, you’re an official member of Seventeen!! You’ve been working so hard, I’m sure you’re exhausted. Please try and take time to rest and heal before debut, all of you need it!

…

Spring 2015

May 26th 2015. That is the day I debut. I know we haven't talked much, but I hope you’ll be there in spirit. Thinking about you cheering for me makes it easier to handle. I’ll fight for you, for me, for them, and for us. I’ll try, even though things feel like they’re ending.

I’m going to be busier than before. I’m not sure about the contract, but I’ll try to still get letters out. For now, have this. Thank you for everything.

A layer of grey I can't escape Walls built of fear are colored all over with red Who will listen to the sound from the bottom of my heart at the end of the world(/day) There's no one by my side Flee Flee

The world is collapsing, shattering, breaking I can't find love at all So why why why (Where will I ) fall, where Hidden by the dark clouds, helpless and pitiful Can't feel myself, light is lost Before the end of the world(/day), (I'm) yelling, sounds of pain But there's no one by my side Flee Flee

The world is collapsing, shattering, breaking After I disappear completely, (you) won't realize I once existed Why why why (Where will I ) fall, where Falling endlessly, falling in silence What did I ever do wrong

Missing someone you’ve never met is an entirely separate kind of heartbreak. I began to doubt every single thought and feeling I had, every single word I wrote, everything began to bleed between imagination, ideal, and reality.

The Minghao I watched on the screen wasn’t the Minghao I knew, and I started to wonder if I ever truly knew him in the first place. I felt like a fool, and even then, I continued to be foolish. I wanted to believe I knew what he meant; that I understood him, but as the years went on, I got more and more lost.

They won awards, they went on variety shows, they released albums, they went on tours. They traveled, they worked, and they grew. I needed to believe I knew him, but Minghao and The8 are not the same. And as I grew to love The8, Minghao began to fade into the back of my mind. When I watched him try to express himself beyond his stage persona, each time I saw flashes of a beautiful bird locked in a rusted cage.

I always kept the letters.

They’re my private collection of memories between he and I. They were the only way I knew it was real. I could run my fingers over his handwriting, feel how he sometimes pressed too hard and left marks in the paper. I could see how the paper and ink warped when he accidentally got tears on it. I could look at his pictures from his childhood and know what he was thinking as he took it.

I knew him.

Summer 2020

Hey, Minghao. It’s me, do you still remember my handwriting? Maybe it’s changed... No, I know it has, because I’ve changed as a person. It feels strange, I know what you’ve been up to, but you might’ve even forgotten my name. But I feel in my heart that you havn’t. Maybe thats wishful thinking.

Anyway, I’m so proud of you Minghao. You’re a superstar, just like you dream of being back when you first started dancing. You’ve become part of a family, and have so many fans cheering for you every single day. Congratulations!!

…

5 years. Does the smell of citrus still remind you of home? Of me? Maybe it just reminds you of the hard times you had back then. But I guess you’ve been reminiscing about that a lot lately?

I watched the video as soon as it came out, and I was shaking as soon as I heard your voice. That song isn’t a special piece of yourself that you shared with me anymore, but it’s part of your story for the whole world to see, and you told it so well.

...

I miss you.

It was finally time.

It was a fairly thick envelope, inside were many postcards of where I’ve been, quickly written notes as I reacted to songs and memorable moments, and full-length letters that never got sent.

It was so surreal to sit in front on him at this panel. He looks just like he did as a kid, but more refined, stronger inside and out. His aura intimidated me like I was seeing a skyscraper touch the clouds for the first time, and yet he maintained eye contact with me like I was a dandelion about to be blown away with the breeze.

“It’s me, Minghao.” The words barely drifted from my mouth, but they struck him like lightning as realization stealing his breath away. For a moment I saw his eyes twinkle, and the corners of this lips twitch.

A member of staff took the envelop away from him; he barely was able to read the label.

My time would be up soon.

His fingers intertwined with mine and he opens my photobook to his page with his free hand, looking down for only a moment to sign it.

The next Carat was nudging my shoulder already.

“Not yet.” I whispered both to them and to him with a squeeze of his hand. He did the same, like a beat of the heart, and then released. I watched his chest rise and fall with a deep breath as he gave the next fan the same focus and care he gave me.

I forced a smile on my face as I scooted over.

Did he truly realize it was me? Why could I feel his heart beating faster from the tips of his fingers? Did he want to contact me all this time, or had he chosen to stop and was scared to tell me? Did he miss me too?

My smile was only fake for a moment, though.

I was meeting his second family for the first time, after all, I needed to make a good impression. After years of keeping up with the group, it should have been easier to feel comfortable, and to be happy like the others.

Yet my hands continued to shake, their faces blurred and the sounds around me went quiet. My senses went in and out of focus like waves reaching and leaving the shore.

The warmth and the texture of his hand stained mine, and as i stared down at it after going back to my seat in the crowd, it felt alien. His hands are same hands that have been writing my name on every envelope for so many years...

I felt like I was falling.

#the8 #xu minghao #minghao #the8 x reader #xu minghao x reader #minghao x reader #seventeen #svt #svt the8 #seventeen the8 #minghao fluff #minghao angst #seventeen x reader #svt x reader

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elliemarchetti · 4 years

Text

Somewhere to Start (part 12)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10

Part 11

Other Harry Potter fics:

Slytherin!Hermione AU (part 2) (part 3) (part 4) (part 5) (part 6) (part 7) (part 8) (part 9) (part 10) (part 11)

The Deal (part 2) (part 3) (part 4)

Our First (Almost) Kiss | Our First Kiss

The Polaroids | The Sixth and Seventh Polaroids

Memories of a Survivor

Words: 1053

The hottest day of the summer, at least until then, was drawing to a close and a sleepy silence weighed on the large square houses of the village. A couple of cars were parked, covered with a thin layer of dust, in the driveway of the few Muggles who lived in the area and the meadows all around it, once emerald green, had taken on a yellowish color. Obviously Hermione didn't care: Viktor had spent a month showing her all the wonders of Bulgaria that had come to his mind and now they just wanted to enjoy the well-deserved rest before Hermione returned home, half hidden by a flowerbed to prevent one of the elderly neighbors from inviting them for tea again, despite the torrid heat. Although Ron’s grim news, whom she was sure hadn’t shared with Harry, Hermione had tried to raise her friend’s morale, who had been forced to stay at Privet Drive with his uncles, with photos and stories of everything she had discovered, but never asking him to join them, although Viktor would’ve no problem if he wanted to, if only for a couple of days. Dumbledore’s orders, and although she didn’t understand them and couldn’t tell Harry, she wanted to respect the headmaster’s will, even if every time he replied it was painful to know she can make his days better and wasn’t going to. It was late at night, well past dinner time, when another letter from her friend arrived. He said he was attacked by dementors and that he could’ve been expelled from Hogwarts, as well as demanding news of what was going on and when he could leave the house.

"You should tell him," said Viktor, who had taken more than she to read the letter obviously written in haste. “I don’t think someone can stand it any longer, not even him.”

When Harry recognized him, he gave him a big, bewildered smile. Through Hermione's letters they had indirectly kept in touch and after the last one, and the consequent discovery of the plan that the members of the Order had devised to extract him from the house and take him to Grimmauld Place, where Hermione insisted on going as soon as the next news had arrived, Viktor had decided to actively participate, convinced that seeing an additional friendly face, as Hermione had explained to him that the rather young but tired and sickly looking man he had known a couple of days before was Remus Lupin, their third year Defense Against the Dark Arts professor and friend of Harry’s godfather and deceased parents, could only help.

"Are you sure it's him, Lupin?" muttered Moody. "It would be a great deal if we took away a Death Eater with his appearance. We should ask him something that only the real Potter can know. Unless someone has some Veritaserum..."

"What did I ask you the night I was attacked near the Forbidden Forest?" Viktor inquired, amazing everyone. He hadn't said a word since he volunteered.

"If there was anything between me and Hermione." Harry replied, and no one seemed particularly impressed because, who knew him, must have asked himself the same question but everyone had seen that it was Viktor who had brought Hermione to Grimmauld Place.

"It's him," confirmed Viktor, before approaching Harry to make sure he was really well and that his uncles had done him no harm that he hadn't had the courage to write in his letters to Hermione.

"I'm sorry I haven't been able to say anything so far but we’re your escort and we’re just waiting for the signal that will tell us that we can leave safely. We’ll fly, me and Mr. Lupin thought that since you’re good with your broom…” Viktor began, but Lupin interrupted him by asking him for the umpteenth time to call him only Remus as he claimed it made him feel old and that, after all, they were all equal there.

"Have you already packed your bags?" asked Tonks, a pale-hearted witch with shimmering dark eyes and short bristly hair of a particularly intense shade of purple. She was the youngest, after him. Viktor proposed to go to help him and followed him into the entrance and up the stairs, looking around with great curiosity and interest. It was a bizarre place, a little too clean, almost unnaturally, as if no one lived there and that was just a facade. In any other context he would’ve found it at least suspicious and Moody would’ve probably did a number in terror of finding something under the perfect appearance, but he knew from Harry’s letters and Hermione’s stories that here it was normal, therefore he didn’t ask questions that could embarrass Harry further, also because his room was decidedly much more chaotic, very similar to his home.

"I'm glad you and Hermione had a great time this summer," said Harry, who was quickly throwing books into his trunk, perhaps to break the silence. Viktor didn’t know what to answer, after all they weren't really friends, so he limited himself to helping him with a spell that caused books, clothes and telescope to be lifted mid-air and then fly where they needed to be, something his mother had taught him and had saved him a lot of time since he learned to juggle it. When they returned to the kitchen they found Kingsley Shacklebolt and Sturgis Podmore studying the microwave, Hestia Jones laughing at a potato peeler she had found rummaging in the drawers and Remus sealing a letter, that he explained was addressed to Harry's uncles to warn them not to worry, that Harry was fine and they would see him again the following summer, with extreme displeasure of the person concerned. Then Moody casted a spell on Harry which turned him into a human chameleon, a far more complex thing than he and Hermione had used the previous year to go see the dragons, and explained to Harry how the journey would take place, continuing to remark that there was the possibility of dying on the way to Grimmauld Place. Viktor didn't want to die, but foolishly, he thought that if he had to, at least he wanted to have time to give Hermione the Christmas present he had taken her for the Yule Ball.

#somewhere to start #krumione #hermione granger #viktor krum #harry potter #remus lupin #nymphadora tonks #ron weasley #albus dumbledore #hestia jones #alastor moody #kingsley shacklebolt #sturgis podmore

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fuckyeahjoonmyun · 5 years

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Singles Magazine May 2019 issue - Interview with Suho

We filmed all day long going around all the corners of Paris.

“Now that I think about it, it’s been a while since I roamed the streets freely like this. I usually like holidays where a lot of walking is required, but it is my first time in Paris. It was nice to be able to experience the feel of Paris (from) up-close because of the shoot. The weather was nice too. I think Paris definitely is an artistic city.”

What is the thing you want to try the most while you’re in Paris?

“I went to The Louvre yesterday, which was right next to our hotel. There are a lot of art exhibitions I’ve been wanting to see so I plan to visit the museums in Paris, like Musée d’Orsay and Musée National Picasso-Paris, in my spare time. Recently, I’m hooked onto Van Gogh so I plan to visit Auvers-sur-Oise, where he stayed before he passed on. I’m really looking forward to it. It’s an area on the outskirts of Paris, and it takes an hour and a half to get there by train.”

Which of Gogh’s charms moved your heart?

“I wasn’t interested in art before, but I completely fell in love after seeing Van Gogh’s self-portrait in a museum I visited in Switzerland while I was there two years ago for a pictorial shoot. It was my first time properly seeing a painting so close that I could see the brushstrokes. There are many self-portraits that Van Gogh drew, but it was impressive that each piece expressed him differently. I was surprised each painting held so many emotions that you can guess Gogh’s psychological state even as years pass.”

What if you drew your own self-portrait, just like Gogh?

“I can’t draw well, but if I had to, I would want to draw myself in just a peaceful state.”

There are many people who recognise you even in Paris. We’re curious about how it feels living as a K-Pop start who people all around the world pay attention to.

“Sometimes I’m amazed myself. Our languages and countries are different, so how did they discover our music and become our fans? I think it’s probably because many seniors starting from DBSK and Super Junior hyungs have paved the way for K-Pop fandoms in particular to rapidly form in Europe and South America. I hope K-Pop music receives a lot more love in the future.”

It is not unimaginable for you to roam the streets freely in Seoul like you did today? How do you balance the different between EXO’s Suho and Kim Junmyeon the individual?

“There’s no difference between the two. I put in effort so that differences won’t form, and I think I’ve been able to maintain the balance because of my good friends around me. I often meet with the alumnus of K-ARTS Acting Department’s class of ‘09. I dropped out after attending for only a year, but we consistently keep in contact. Although there are friends who stopped acting halfway, most of them are still acting so we also practise acting when we meet. All of them easily treat me as Kim Junmyeon the individual. All we do when I meet my friends are watch movies, exercise, and have a light glass of wine while we talk, but I receive a lot of help from those gatherings.”

It’s been seven years since EXO debuted. You’re leading the team as one of the eldest hyungs. What thoughts come to mind when you look back on the time spent together with the members?

“I wonder if seven years have really passed. Time is really fast. Recently, all the members are busy with their own things so it’s difficult to gather together, but our hearts are always close to one another. I want to show a good image in the future too while promoting through EXO’s name for a long, long time.”

Chen’s single ‘Beautiful Goodbye’ is receiving positive reactions recently. Do you not have plans for a solo album?

“I’ve been working on songs in my spare time. It would be nice if it could happen as soon as possible, but I don’t want to rush it. I want to be a singer-songwriter who can relay my stories in my music, so I’m slowly preparing it step by step.”

You’re acting too. You’ve been constantly showing new sides through various genres like dramas, movies, and musicals. Your serious attitude towards acting that’s as good as your attitude towards music stands out.

“Acting is interesting because it’s a genre where you experience another’s life and express it. It’s fun to try be someone who’s not me. So I try to empty and hollow myself out whenever I’m acting. It’s more exciting especially for musicals because we act together with music. I haven’t done a lot of projects, but it’s thrilling to be able to directly meet the audience up-close and feel the harmony. I can also immediately feel the audience liking it on the days I’m satisfied with myself. Whether it’s music or acting, or anything else, I think you’ll receive sincere reactions when you do them sincerely.”

Is there a genre or role you want to try as an actor?

“There’s nothing in particular, but I want to try something that’s different from the images of the few characters I’ve played until now. Actually, instead of what roles I act, I learn a lot of things I didn’t know about the acting process itself in front of the camera, even if it’s a small role. There are good seniors around me so they tell me a lot of nice things. So it’s enjoyable and fun.”

Your stage name Suho has the meaning of ‘to protect’. What is the most precious thing in life that Suho wants to protect the most?

“Innocence, purity, dreams. All of them have something in common. I think it’s important to not change and protect the dream that I’ve been purely dreaming about since I was younger. Although it is definitely possible for dreams to change a little as we live, I think it’s most important to not lose the heart that was earnestly wishing for that dream.”

Do you have a new dream for the future?

“I want to be someone who provides a positive influence to those around me and sets an example. I think it’s a good thing to become a precedent. Even if I’m not the first, I hope to be someone who can be an example to someone as a senior, as a hyung. I want to be someone whom one can look at and say, ‘Ah, I want to be like that person,’ while making them want to dream. But I’m not at that age yet (laughs).”

Your birthday is coming. How do you plan to spend your 29th birthday?

“I was filming my drama last year. There’s a high chance that I’ll probably be working this year too (laughs). If I don’t have anything scheduled, I think I’ll probably simply have a drink with my friends at a tented street stall (pojangmacha).”

The prime of youth, the most beautiful time in life, is passing. How do you want to spend the last chapter of your 20′s, facing your 30′s now?

“I’m not the type to think too much of age, so I don’t have plans for something that I definitely must do. Age is just a number, so it’s not important. I think what’s more important is how we think and what kind of mindset we live with. I want to be someone who maintains my heart from pure times even when I become 30, 40. Instead of thinking and worrying about the days that are coming, I want to focus on now, this moment, the present.”

That’s a good thought. When you end your holiday in Paris, who would you write a letter for if you had to?

“Ah, I didn’t know you’d ask this question but I’ve really planned to write a letter for the EXO members. April 8 is EXO’s 7th debut anniversary, and I plan to buy writing paper with a drawing of the Eiffel Tower on it and write a letter since I’ll be in Paris then. It again feels new that I’m thinking of the members after coming so far. I plan to sincerely write everything I’ve wanted to say to each member. I hope they become good memories ❤”

(trans. cr: acquatastic)

#suho #exo #singles magazine #singles magazine may 2019 issues #trans: interview

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comicteaparty · 4 years

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May 23rd-May 29th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from May 23rd, 2020 to May 29th, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

If someone came to you for advice about starting their first comic, what would you tell them?

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

The biggest hurdle I see beginner comic creators (including myself) struggling with is the fear to begin because they "aren't good enough yet." I would tell them to just start. The best way to learn how to make comics is to make comics. You can always go back and fix old pages. Or you don't even have to. The improvement throughout your work can be encouraging. So I say, just begin.(edited)

carcarchu

know your ending before you begin! so many webcomics start and then have no idea how to continue. at least have some kind of idea of the direction you want to go to and at least a basic outline before you begin. you can always change things but going in without a roadmap is a recipe for disaster

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I would tell them to consider a few things: your desired scope, your current skill levels, and how likely you are to still love the project months or years later. I didn’t start with a small scope, so I can’t tell people to keep it simple no matter what, but it absolutely helps. Doing a short 6-10 page comic as your first thing will totally tell you if this is something you like, or totally hate. Assessing your own skill level is hard, but I try and encourage people to practice anatomy and perspective and other skills before diving right into creating a massive world. I’d encourage them to practice some writing as well. But even the act of creating a comic can help with all that. So, YMMV! And you gotta love what you’re drawing! I didn’t feel comfortable creating a story until my late 20s because I felt I hadn’t settled on something I’d be indefinitely passionate about. My likes and dislikes were still changing so much. If you can look at your idea and pretty confidently say you want to draw this stuff over and over again for years... that’s a very good sign

eliushi [a winged tale]

I find my advice will vary depending on what their vision is for their comic! For instance, if it’s a short form, I would recommend looking at different styles and experimental storytelling to find ways to best explore their work. For a long form I would advise as y’all have done so as well: start and keep going to improve. Have an ending in mind. Know the basics of character/plot and storytelling; essentially if you know the rules then you are more easily able to break them in an informed way. Most importantly is to have fun drawing, have fun with friends, have fun sharing your work

I guess sort of as a follow up... did you all receive any advice before starting your comic?

carcarchu

i didn't ask anyone in particular but the advice i read before starting mirrored what has been said so far

the advice about just starting and not being afraid is probably what helped the most

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I was told to make my first comic shorter... but with the caveat that if I absolutely could not, it was okay to try a long-form one from the get-go

carcarchu

another thing that i often tell people looking to start is that comic making is actually a gigantic time sink and requires a LOT of discipline. a lot of people i talk to really don't realize how much of a time investment it is. i don't want to dissuade anyone by telling them this but it's important to realize

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I agree with lazuli! Right now I'm actually feeling more motivation for my long comic than my short story.( I will absolutely finish both though)(edited)

carcarchu

x2 agree with claire, i've realized i'm not good at short stories

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I've been asked this question before, about first comics. I always say the most important thing is to draw what you like, for yourself.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Short stories are hard! I’m often jealous of all the marvelous one-shot comics on twitter, telling an affecting story in such little time. I often wonder if my own stuff will ever be half as successful in the emotions department. Short stuff is easier to digest but requires a ton of skill to craft well.(edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Absolutely. Two of my favorite comics are 3 pages and 5 pages long and years later I am still thinking about them.

I think it takes even more skill to craft a compelling story, world, and characters in only a few pages

It is witchcraft, I swear

carcarchu

there was a beautiful short story i read about a cat before, i'll see if i can find it and share it in recs

eliushi [a winged tale]

I think a lot about the unfinished comics! even though they aren’t finished, they still stay with me. Ultimately if you draw comics, it will touch people and people will remember

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I've always wanted to do a short story like that but am not a good enough writer yet unfortunately

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Also agree with @Eightfish (Puppeteer) - you must make something for yourself. You can try and tailor it to certain audiences, but don’t stray too much from your own sensibilities. Make a comic that speaks to your soul, and people will feel it.

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Pick something you love, you‘ll spent a lot of time on it.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

If you don't love it, who will?

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

And short stories are their own medium with their own rules, needs and patterns; they‘re not interchangable with longform and the otherway round.

That‘s what annoys me about the „start with 8-page shorts!“ advice. It‘ll teach you how to do shorts, not how to do long form. And I‘ve seen so many treating shorts as a stepping stone to „proper“ long-form comics, and that format deserves better.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I do see the merit in that though. There are a lot of unfinished long comics. If you have a good short story, might as well make it first. For me though, they are way harder than long stories.

I did give myself the option to end puppeteer after about 80 pages though

Luckily I fell in love with making it and won't be doing that now

But it was an option

Capitania do Azar

Yeah I'm gonna have to repeat the points already stated. Everytime I get the chance to give advice to a starter, I do focus on the discipline aspect. Webcomics (any comic actually) does take a lot of work and if you wanna make it in the long run you gotta know your pace and you gotta know where you wanna go so you can make the best use of your time

You don't need to have super solid plans but it's good if you know how much time it takes you to make one, five or twenty pages, so you can get organised

And at least in my experience being organised is one of the most important aspects

That, and liking what you do but also allowing it to change because things take time and you will change too

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

^^^I can't reiterate this last point enough

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

For sure cap! I spent a lot of time experimenting with art style before starting and I think choosing a simpler but still nice looking (to me) style has been vital for me being as consistent with my comic as I have

Having a schedule was really important to me starting out

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I think I would have said..... MAKE SURE YOU DRAW IN ADVANCE BEFORE POSTING.

I've made this mistake, and I know many people have made this mistake, but it's really easy to get stressed and demotivated when you realize that you might not be drawing as fast as you want...particularly if you're starting out.

So make sure you have buffers so that you can post those updates as consistently as you can.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I'd say for my past self that make sure you have.... at least almost everything ironed out for your story first if you want to make a long form comic as your first try because trust me if you don't, you'll end up redrawing the first chapter twice lmao. knowing how it begins and ends, knowing your drawing speed and also recognizing if you're just either motivated to work on it or you're doing it despite motivation. Because those are like the main factors that affect burn out and if you don't watch out, you'll get fucked over from it. have a good sense of your self in terms of your work ethic, and your writing. Art will be supplement for that writing but you're pretty good at least understanding the basics you should be aight Also if you don't feel doing your long story first, you can always make a short story to test waters. but if ya like me and rather just jump making a long ass comic first, go for it lmao

sierrabravo (Hans Vogel is Dead)

I think the biggest advice I'd give would be is to accept what you've already done, kinda related to the "you're good enough to start" advice. A lot of webcomics stall out in the "gotta redraw this to be Good Enough" phase, and it's easy to get caught up in the cycle of redrawing early pages (especially once you get a few years into a comic), but learning to sit back and appreciate early pages for the stage you were when you drew them is important!

also something I don't hear creators talk a lot about, is having a support group. Getting positive responses from strangers from the internet is a rush, but it's not always going to happen, and relying on it isn't a great idea mental health wise. Having a group of friends you can bounce ideas off of and that can support you in your story helps make the lonely art of making comics a little less lonely. I wish I had known about this group sooner because it seems like a really great resource of creators coming together and being supportive!

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

oh yeah that last point especially

like honestly if I didn't met other webcomic creators I probably wouldn't be working in webcomics tbh

sierrabravo (Hans Vogel is Dead)

It's so nice to have outside perspective both for art advice/critique stuff, but also just the general "hey guys drawing pages amiright"

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yeah lmao

sierrabravo (Hans Vogel is Dead)

plus if/when you ever meet up with people at conventions, it's always so nice!

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Yeah, I would second that. Starting out I had a really hard time knowing how to take praise from my real world friends who are into my comic. It felt like maybe it wasn't real praise and they only like it because they liked me. But honestly the longer I make comics the more I just want my friends to like them and the less I care about what an internet stranger might think X'D Also, I watched the video on new creator tips that Joichi post in #writing_n_misc_resources last night before bed and those tips are super solid. I think folks have already hit on all of them but writing something you really like and is for you first and foremost and being being prepared for a lot of work are super important. Also, get that buffer!

kayotics

I think this was touched on already but having an idea you’re really passionate about, especially for a long form comic, is kind of essential to keep you going. You gotta keep up momentum for years, not just a few weeks. The thing that helped me, personally, was building my comic in a way that let me end it after the first story, but also let me continue if I liked it. My first chapter was definitely like a pilot for a tv show. If I didn’t want to continue, I’d just stop. But I ended up writing the second chapter before I knew it so I guess it worked out

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I don't have too much new things to add but I agree that webcomics, is a lonesome job on your own. But once I started hanging around this discord, sharing frustrations, comic compliments. The support made a big difference, no longer having to shout in the abyss of Twitter to be heard. I know when you first start out, it's overwhelming. There's so many platforms, do I do color or grayscale? (as it felt that way for me.) The best is to begin small baby steps, write scripts. Draw thumbnails, talk about it with people you trust. Generate ideas and put them on paper. Something I learn, is finding a good group community who raise you up, than put your works down(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Seconding/thirding/etcing about support. Other than that, I really don't have a single advice that I could give to someone starting out. Because it would need to be tailored to their situation. Someone who's in my exact same situation back when I started my first webcomic? They don't need ANY advice honestly. They just need to do it (which they will anyway) and learn from the experience.

sierrabravo (Hans Vogel is Dead)

https://tenor.com/view/doit-gif-5247874

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

(Again, I'm talking about a hypothetical person who's exactly like Younger Me. Not every beginner will "do it anyway.")

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I corrected my definition, as I found out what the topic was about! I thought from everyone's comment, they felt like talking about internal feelings about community spirit.(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

I think that "just do it!!" Attitude is probably what I'll echo, it's what I'd have needed to hear and what I think there's probably the biggest hangup on. I think everyone tries to wait til they're ready, and it's like "you are gonna learn so much so fast and never stop learning once you start making your comic" so just, start learning now! Make changes later. You can't fix something that doesn't exist yet!

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

One thing I often think about is when artists completely relaunch their comics once they become a bit more intermediate in skill level. They've improved so much during the creation process that they feel a need to go back and totally start over. I've even run into some comics where they... almost seem in a constant state of relaunch I often wonder about how to encourage new artists to move forward instead of reiterating existing stuff. Or is the reiteration not necessarily a bad thing?

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I mean I guess it's not a bad thing if they're still having fun? Sometimes they're still having a blast; other times it's a form of torturous perfectionism.

Sometimes it's a bit of both, even

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah, I always frame it as "unless you are rewriting, don't redraw."

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I have seen a redrawn comic go well only once

Deo101 [Millennium]

Cause if it's just to fix your art but nothing is really fundamentally changing, then you'll get stuck in a loop I think

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

and that comic kept updating latest pages while redrawing the first ones

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah I've seen people do that. Where it's not a rebooot that basically stays the same, just a revamp of old stuff.

I could see myself doing that eventually tbh.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

The guy had very messy art in the beginning. Not bad art, he just didn't put much effort into it. The comic just evolved into something way bigger and more professional than he'd expected so he went and made the first pages professional looking as well

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yup Cause conics make your art improve so fast, every 50 pages you'll feel like your first one has sooo much wrong with it! So you can't get stuck just remaking pages

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Deo I don't think your first pages are any impediment to new readers. I have noticed a ton of art evolution though :0

Deo101 [Millennium]

Unless, yeah, you are rewriting and need the content on the pages to be different.

Yeah they might not be impeding but they're uglyyyyy

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I didn't notice your art changing much while reading your comic but then i went back to the first page and, woah.

big difference

Deo101 [Millennium]

It would be smth like way off in the future though if I did do it. It's not currently in my plans

I'd rather make new pages and new comics

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

has anyone ever commented on your art evolution?

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah my art has changed uhhh a lot LOL I think maybe a couple times? I don't have a good memory

mariah (rainy day dreams)

I think it's probably different for everyone. Personally, I don't think really believe in going back and redoing stuff, but I also say that as someone who just spent the last year redrawing most of my first five chapters. For me, Ive always wanted to print my comic, and I felt a lot of self-created pressure to have my first book look really good. Because it's going to be new readers first introduction to the series and if I don't feel 100% proud of it, sell it to other people was going to be impossible. I kind of just felt embarrassed by my old art and writing(some of it was like 8 years old and hadn't aged well). And also if I was going to use up resources to print something, then it should be the best version of that thing. But on the other hand, redoing the old stuff has also made me really sad that I haven't been able to move forward with new chapters. I definitely second Deo. And I also think you have to know where to draw the line. Like "ok, I'm going to redraw this once and then not again" or "I'm going to redraw up to X point and call it good. I think can be a really easy perfectionist trap and time sink if you aren't careful.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

it is also hard to get your existing audience to follow the same story twice

OH, webtoons features are rebooted comics oftentimes

I guess that counts as going well!

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, since getting featured by Webtoons is kinda like going print; it's a form of getting Published

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah. For this other comic I've not launched yet, I've redrawn the intro 4 times. The intro onky takes like, 20 hours absolute max (latest) but I still find myself looking at it and thinking.. I could have been making new stuff :/ BUT! I did rewrite it every time so it did need to change. I should have just waited to start it til I could commit more so there wasn't a year between each intro

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

But since webtoons features update so fast I don't really mind following the same story again. Lone is already almost to where the canvas version was

Deo101 [Millennium]

And yeah wt features need to reboot for a lotta reasons, there's also probably a lot of times like. At least lengthening updates to fit the requirements

They're not necessarily redrawing it, too. They just have to post from the beginning which totally makes sense

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I'm giving myself a mantra, don't redraw, don't look back. Just move on with what you got. There's chapters I want to cover. It's just years ago, I had constant panic that the story's theme was going to change as it went, so I 'must' change the first chapter to suit the general overview of the story. But it resulted in me burning out and being self destructive to my work. I'm going to take better care of myself(edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i think most redraw significantly though

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah I mean, wouldn't u?

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I'd have to! My whole story is only like. 20 webtoons updates?

Deo101 [Millennium]

Truuu

If that, 40 panels.. a page is like usually around 5

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

agreed on redraw hell. tried it and I didn't like it at all lmaO

I'm kinda glad I have a good footing on my current comic and I don't want to redraw it at all unless it's adapted for something else. still like

work what you have, if you can orz

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

"Don't look back" is hard when you feel like the first X pages are dragging all the future pages down with them. I agree that you need to draw a line (no pun intended), set some criteria

The thing Eightfish mentioned -- not so bad that it'd deter new readers -- is a very useful criterion IMO

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

if you must, i wonder if redrawing the first scene would be okay?

Just as a taste of what's to come for new readers

Deo101 [Millennium]

Do you think they would notice the difference in quality and question that?

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

rip maybe

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I've read a long webcomic where only the first chapter was redrawn, and when I got to the second chapter and saw an immediate drop in quality, I knew what exactly happened XD

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah, but you're a creator! Readers don't have the same background to necessarily be able to assume that

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Just put in a note saying that it's art evolution

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

As someone who redrew their first scene for a lot a reasons, I will say that I personally think it's worth it.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Also same, I've seen it and knew exactly what happened

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, it was mentioned in the notes, but I didn't read the notes at first because I knew the archive was huge, and I wanted to Get Through It

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

if i were to do that, i'd put a note in the page itself

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

That sounds like a good idea

Deo101 [Millennium]

What were your reasons for redrawing crona?

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I'm not Crona but I redid a big chunk of my chapter 1 for writing reasons. (This was in addition to a whole reboot done prior.) The writing was... not 'this screams terrible writing' kind of bad. But it was extremely misleading/ unclear on what the overall story was going to be

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

dang tbh I did kinda redraw some panels to make the dialogue flow better. But I also tried my best to match up the quality of the pages drawn the time so it doesn't look jarring.

kinda what keii said but just minimizing the effects of shockkkk

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I think this is one of the reasons why i don't want to do a comic that goes on for more than a couple years (well, for now that is. Maybe that'll change as i improve)

Deo101 [Millennium]

I redrew one intro 4 times, cause I kept rewriting the whole story.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

after that I was like "don't touch Ch. 1 again" lmao(edited)

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

1. Several panels didn't properly show what was happening in the scene. 2. Rewrote some of the dialogue 3. My art had improved so much that even if I hadn't redrawn it, the next scene would look very different. 4. I wasn't super far along, so I thought it would be good to give this another go, knowing much more about paneling, page-layout, and pacing.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

do you think there's a chance you'd eventually redraw wotp as it is now?

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Hell no(edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

lol then i think it's fine that you redrew!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Even if I go back and clean some things up later for print, I'm not completely redrawing anything about WotP anymore

I finally got it to a point where I'm happyish with the way it looks

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I've never totally started over, but I did a ton of drawing edits (and a few writing edits!) on my first chapter before releasing it to the public. The previous version of the chapter does look far less polished. But even then, I really only completely redrew 1 or 2 panels. The rest was just liquifying wonky faces and whatnot. Still, once it got printed, I basically locked the artwork. With how long new pages take, I really don't have time to look back much anymore which is its own kind of blessing!

In that way, I'm very glad I kept it private for a while. I wasn't confident with my skills yet - and I wanted some wiggle room. It's part of the reason I encourage people to at least have some sort of foundation, so that the jump in improvement isn't so... startling

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I actually kind of love to be startled by art evolution

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah I could see myself editing wonky faces and things like that more than I can see myself redrawing! My pages only take me like 2 hours and I still wouldn't redraw, can't imagine what your timeframe would look like...

But not in your own work, crona?

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

It happened with a lovely comic called Wind Rose, and it is so inspiring

I wouldn't say I don't like it in my work

More that I was completely changing art styles too

Deo101 [Millennium]

I see

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I think starting a comic is a good way to get those foundational skills though, lazuli

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Even if you didn't post it online, you did start

Which I think is enough

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

one of the biggest examples of art style shift I've seen

Comic is still doing really well though!

I don't think anyone minded the art evolution at all

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

@Eightfish (Puppeteer) Yeah, that's my dilemma! I've seen a couple very new comic artists burn out quickly, or say that they're relaunching because of their own unhappiness. And part of me wants to tell them to slow down - they don't need to post anything, just use it as a training ground.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Of course, if you yourself hate your old art you're probably more important(edited)

It's still nice to have your story read though

even if just by a few friends

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I haven't read through it, but I know this is another good example...

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

another one!

This was intentional though, to convey a change in setting

It's kind of fun to look at these comparisons(edited)

I think most readers would feel the same

carcarchu

my most inspiring art evolution is from zero point idol chapter 1

chapter 90

the artist also got better at panelling too. also not only did the art change but the genre completely did too. it started out as a comedy romance then slowly became a drama romance

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Looks like you switched the images around?

carcarchu

oh it's in the right order on my side

the more bishounen looking one should be the newer one

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Oh! I think the more colorful one looks much better actually?

But perhaps the author chose a different style to draw more quickly?

carcarchu

uh i think the opposite

the newer art looks objectively better

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

okay i'm gonna look it up maybe I will think differently if i see a bunch of panels in context

looking it up it is definitely clear that the author is putting much more effort into later updates.

Though skimming it I still sort of prefer the style of the earlier pages?

carcarchu

i have never heard someone say that before

people usually complain they got gipped in the first chapter lol

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Can't say anything about the paneling or anything like that because I just skimmed it

Well, I like the style of the things in the first pages that they tried harder on

There are a lot of like, chibi or messy panels there

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I'm looking up the titles for these screencaps you guys presented!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

The first one I shared is A Matter of Life and Death!

The second is YU+ME Dream (highly recommend)(edited)

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Seconded, YUME is very good and it's complete!

kayotics

I think there’s a lot of good reasons to restart or redraw past pages, but there’s a lot of people who DO get trapped in the constant iterative state of restarting/redrawing their comic, and then they don’t get anywhere with it

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

It's hard to come up with any consistent advice because people have different goals starting their comic. Like, some people just wanna do a comic to get better at art, or because they have a bunch of OCs that they want to do something with. And to those people... like, just have fun with it. Now, if you have a full story in mind, and your goal is to complete it in a timely manner that isn't overwhelming (without sacrificing on quality), this is the advice I give: 1) Plan out your story. You don't need to do a full script or whatever, but do try to have at least an outline, with an estimate of how many pages each part will be. 2) Spend a typical month (like, a month that you also have other work to do) drawing the first few pages of your comic. Don't post them yet. Count the number of pages you drew. The number you post per month should be less than that. e.g. if you drew 6 pages in that month, you should post 1 page each week. That way, you can have a bit of leeway to build a buffer without burning out. 3) Look back at that outline. How many pages did you plan it out to be? And how often are you planning on posting each page? Let's see... carry the two... this comic's gonna take HOW many years to complete?! 4) If you're comfortable with the task ahead of you, continue on to step 5. Otherwise, cut some stuff from your outline and repeat step 3. 5) Have fun with it! You might change your mind on future plot points, and that's ok! Just... try to do so in a way that doesn't create more work for yourself.

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

My advice is to just get started. I see so many people caught up in the idea that you need to perfect your art skills before starting a comic and then they just never start working on it

Your art is never going to be "perfect" and its better to have a tangible comic than a perfect one

I don't mean that in a discouraging way I just mean like no one can really achieve perfection and it's better to just create things

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I like snuffysam's advice because I have noticed there are different kinds of approach to webcomics. Some do it for fun and practice like I do nowadays. While others have a big long form series they are deeply passionate about but to start it seem overwhelming. Everyone's advice is pretty great! (edited)

DanitheCarutor

Fff I don't feel like I'm really qualified to give advice to people. I don't take art and comics seriously enough to follow most rules, so I would just be a bad influence if anything. Lol (Also everyone else has already said what I would.) I guess the one thing I would tell someone on the fence about starting their comic is to do it when you're ready. Like, I wanted to start doing comics when I was 15 but I wasn't quite mentally ready yet? I was used to doing illustrations so I couldn't stick with doing anything longer than 1 page, throughout the years I experimented with doing 1-2 pages of random scenes in stories I wanted to do, it wasn't until I hit my 20s when I was like "Okay, I want to do this!" In a way I didn't totally get into comic mode until my current project, since I was still feeling things out with the previous ones. Kinda went on a tangent there. Lol But yeah, comics are a huge commitment, I don't think it's super good to push yourself into starting if you're not mentally ready yet. Give yourself some time, do some casual stuff to prepare for the comic you really want to do in the meantime (brainstorming, concept art, character studies, etc.), or don't think about it at all if that's how you do things, then when you really get that itch go for it.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

My advice won't be anything that hasn't been touched on in this chat (so many good vibes ;_;) but I do wanna say that if I had any advice for someone to get into comics, it's to do it for yourself as the main priority. Webcomic popularity has been on the rise very quickly in this past decade, with copious amounts of creators trying their hand at their One Story, competition, exposure, and pressure are sure to set in with this wild ride that is comic making. So what do you do to combat that? How do you stay above water, make sure you have fun, or avoid turning this into what seems like never ending homework? You make your goal you. Whether You want to improve, whether You want to explore characters, or whether You just want to experiment- such a large project (let's be real, there's no easy way to do comics!) should be handled with that initial fire you had when you wanted to start the project, when you felt inspired to lay those panels down and tell that story. Don't compare your journey to others, don't feel that pressure to always Be Something.(edited)

Comics are a medium, just like film, canvas, or Video games for that matter, they have their own process and steps. Find what works for you and enjoy the ride, because it could easily turn into a long one!

eliushi [a winged tale]

I love it Krispy! You gotta do what you love

I’m just curious. What are your personal goals that keeps you going for the comic if you don’t mind sharing?

(And for anyone to answer too!)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I get what you mean and 100% agree with you. But I wanna bring up a caviat -- some people use the whole "do it for yourself" thing to shut down creators who are doing it for themselves, but also want some recognition. It's not their main priority, but it is a thing they want and it's okay to want it. I guess that goes back to the other advice about getting support. Find support, find people who won't make you feel guilty for simply wanting some recognition. People who will understand and support your goals.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

told myself that I won't let my self to lay my soul to rest till I'm done with the projects I have

so lmao that's somethin that drives me contracted to keep living till everything I do is finished lmao(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

One of my friends got told she wasn't a Real Writer simply because she wanted a readership. That kinda disrespect is not okay

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

oh dang

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

oh that is a whole different level from what i'm saying for sure

first off those people can go away lol

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeeeah

Again, not what you were saying, just... how SOME people twist the advice

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

and secondly, if you're not doing your work for yourself, you can easily fall into pleasing others and drown in Trying to Stay relevant, burning your creative drive too (i mean, if you can make ur comic and do that , good on you woah) but i've seen multiple comic artists crash and burn for the sole purpose of doing the comic in competition with others, convincing themselves that 'other styles' are crap bc their own work doesnt match up (gosh that was a rough one) and all in all, them just becoming so bitter with their work! THOUGH! this essentially applies to all creative fields and not just comics! And those entitled ppl who do that suffer from jealousy and nothing else. I cannot stand for those types who tear others down when faced with their own insecurity

and creators have every right to ask for help too. y'all deserve that recognition for the hard work you do, sometimes however, that isn't always available to them

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yea

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

(which is why we gotta lift eachother up!)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

You bring up a good topic that's very relevant to my struggles. It can be very difficult to know: is it okay to disregard this criticism. Am I allowed to do that? Am I allowed to like this thing about my work that people are pointing out as the bad part? Or does that make me a.... bad creator. Unprofessional, bratty, whatever. I'm not even talking about picking a fight/ getting verbally defensive. Just, silently disagreeing. I WANT to say the answer is yes, we are free to have our own opinion about our work. But dang if it isn't hard to feel guilty for doing it.

eliushi [a winged tale]

I think any trailblazers and pioneers feel this sort of sentiment.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

That sounds about right

I don't really think of myself as a pioneer, but it is still something I feel in my bones

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I guess that’s the beauty of a self-run webcomic. You are the boss. Your viewership can give you critique, but you can choose what to listen to. You’re not beholden to a higher power (producer, director, patron, etc) to change things no matter what. It’s your project to run, and oftentimes only YOU know where it’s going, and you know how that criticism would change things.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

ya lmao. idk like I don't see a lot of stories that run in conflict of towards what I'm doing so it's kinda nervewracking when you're like "oh god am I setting a good example or what? Should I be worried when I just want to create and share a story?"

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

If you can be proud of the story as-is, I think there’s power in that, and it comes through in the work. A confident comic is a lovely thing.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

That makes me really sad that you have these struggles Kei. Your work is a project of love. Love for the things that inspire you, love for the way to tell your story, and love for that process. You are allowed to proud and tell the world about it, you are allowed to embrace the success that you gain from your work. We as comic makers do SO MUCH WORK and wear SO MANY HATS to make this mainly free to read story available, and that should be celebrated. SO YES, you CAN and you MUST choose what you want to take from others comments, their feedback, reactions, etc- but in the end, it's still about what YOU wanted to make of this work, bc in the end, you are the wheel that keeps this whole thing spinning

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I dunno about confident, but I can say my comic is an honest one. Even if I don't feel confident, I still don't let outside criticisms change what I do.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

webcomic creators aren't given the space they need to grow a lot of times too-- we're essentially producing work that easily requires a small studio to create- there's gonna be ups and downs to the process. But you have to keep in mind for your own sanity that this is still your work and your vision. If you want to explore options of improving then you should be in control of that. (we all know how i feel about crits from randos too XD!)

eliushi [a winged tale]

Agree so much Krispy. I think everyone’s goals and visions for their project are valid and if they sustain your project, then that’s a success in itself

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

agreed!

eliushi [a winged tale]

Often I see this tip and pass on to other writers that when they write their story it’s important to think of a logline or something central that is the heart of the story. I put that as my first page so every time I open my document I see it. I think it’s the same for webcomics. Find the heart of your story — why you want to write it and remind yourself of that. I find it’s helpful to keep me going

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

omg eli....i love that!!!

sierrabravo (Hans Vogel is Dead)

wow that is really great advice eliushi!! I'd love to steal that if you don't mind?

eliushi [a winged tale]

Please do!! It’s a gift!!

take ittt

Miranda

these are all such great suggestions. You people are a fountain of wisdom.

Deo101 [Millennium]

I wrote in the header of my documents, "everything bad that happens in the story is because of me, and everything good happens because of them." Basically to remind myself not to do any sort of ex machina or whatever. And also put my tagline. It definitely helps!

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I think it's a good guideline -- the "pure luck can only be the bad kind" thing. But my bro brought up the Walking Dead (I think? either that or some other really well known zombie thing?) as an example of going too far in that direction. He said the characters take a turn, open a door, etc. and the zombies just come pouring out like an unholy explosive diarrhea all of sudden, to a point where he was like "lol?" He said it was like the universe was setting it up against the characters, and he couldn't take it seriously. He's played/watched lots of zombie stuff so he's no stranger to jump scares or zombies appearing in hordes, but that one was still too much for him.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

wh lmao about that spoiler part like

Deo101 [Millennium]

Oh yeah no, too much of anything is bad.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah like, I can see that kind of extreme bad luck being used in farce comedy

Deo101 [Millennium]

Ahaha yeah

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I wonder what a story would be like in the opposite direction where everything bad that happens to them is because of them and everything good that happens to them is because of the writer

Deo101 [Millennium]

Everything Goes Bad Man A horrible superhero trying to do his best

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

A comedy! Could also make it a Shakespearean tragedy

Deo101 [Millennium]

Horror could make it work too

I was meaning my thing more like uhh, make them earn their good things and success kinda thing

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Depressing drama about a person who tries to succeed in life but fails at every turn

Nah I got it deo

Just throwing out hypotheticals

Deo101 [Millennium]

I would hate to watch or read any of these horrible things btw

But it's fun to hypothesize

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I think for like, most stories, your direction is much more engaging

I don't want to watch someone fail over and over

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

There's also that trope where everything goes bad despite their effort, and then Luck just drops success on the character's lap, leaving them feeling empty

Deo101 [Millennium]

Me either LOL coming out of stories like that is always like 0_0 well nkw I'm just depressed

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

But I think something like watamote, a comedy about a socially inept girl, might be an example of what I said that a lot of people like. I haven't watched it though so I'm not sure

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, I don't know that specific one, but there are cases where people feel comforted by reading about tough luck in that "I'm not the only one" way. Certainly not everyone's cup of tea, though.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Grave of the Fireflies

That movie seemed more like a message about war though. It seemed like it was trying to say something

I think I could enjoy a depressing story like that if it was nonfiction or historical fiction

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It was sorta semi-autobiographical (not 100% but inspired by his own experience)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Something that feels real

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

yeah, grave of the fireflies WAS based off of the author's experiences

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I personally am okay with depressing fiction if it feels real

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Same

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Doesn't have to be based on true events

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

his sister and him were taken in by the aunt and they were actually left that way the sister died of starvation (edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Hey, spoiler tag that!

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

whoops mbad

Deo101 [Millennium]

I'm one of those who is 100% not... I can be okay with and love depressing stories after having seen it and then getting time away from it, but watching or reading them is a horrible experience for me

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

My Sweet Orange Tree is thought to be at least sort of based on the author's own experience, and I think that adds something to the book. (Can't confirm because the author's dead.) But even if it were pure fiction, it would remain a lovely, compelling book.

@Deo101 [Millennium] Nothing is for everyone!

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I remember feeling really depressed for the rest of the day after watching grave of the fireflies

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Not everything bad that happens to them was their own fault, but Grave of the Fireflies was sort of a story about pride though. A boy who refused to suck it up and apologize to his aunt, resulting in his and his sister's deaths. I think that did make the story more powerful

hubris and all that

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

so I can definitely relate to only watching short bursts of depressing stuff

Deo101 [Millennium]

I honestly try to avoid them entirely, not even short bursts tbh

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

correct! however, a lot of viewers also blamed the aunt for not keeping them. Apparently the real life aunt felt a lot of remorse for being indirectly responsible for their deaths, and her daughter was angry at her. However, the aunt was also feeling depression from her husband who recently died

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I read them rarely, but I feel like they make me more? Grounded? I liked the way Man's Search for Meaning (Holocaust survivor's book) changed the way I thought of the world

Deo101 [Millennium]

I'm just hyperempathetic and they really hurt me

Not like I'm like "I wanna be ignorant" or anything

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I think that one scene with the farmer telling him to suck up his pride was highlighting that he could have been taken back in but refused to even try

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

@Deo101 [Millennium] 100% Valid!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Yeah. Entertainment is supposed to be fun or meaningful and if it's not then don't read it

Although, I do really believe we should learn about these topics in school at least

You have to be exposed to them somewhat

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah I just don't like the kind of idea that gritty depressing stuff is more realistic, I understand learning about history and hardships but it's not something I like to think of as like "the truth jusy is that the world is terrible" it makes me feel very alone because I work very hard to see the world nit like that.

Miranda

Re: the extreme bad luck/I cause all the bad stuff for my characters I saw a tip that said coincidences can happen to get your characters into trouble, but not to get them out of trouble, and I thought that was an excellent way of putting that. (sorry to plop that in the midst of the most recent discussion)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

TBH as someone who has lived in Eccentric Relatives' House under not so great circumstances, I didn't even get any hint of "the boy should've sucked up" from Grave of Fireflies. My experience may have been worse than the boy's in his aunt's house though, and maybe my bias led me to see his experience as being just as unfair as mine. In any case it's been years since I watched it, so maybe I'm forgetting some key details.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I think "realistic" means a mix of good and bad

My favorite nonfiction books contain a lot of cruelty, but also very good people

Reading about people's good work and outlooks despite tragedies really got to me

Or like, perseverance

Perseverance as a theme really, really hits me

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah I like perseverance but I hate stories that are hopeless or treat hope as naiive

It makes me angry tbh

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

oof same yeah

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

the aunt was still feeding them though, and allowing them to stay. If he had left his sister at home and tried to get a job like his cousins did, I think it is implied that they would have survived.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I do like my dark themes but lmao i dont want to go to wreckless cruelty. there's an art with that(edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Endless pessimism is as unrealistic as endless optimism(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I feel like there's hopeless stories and there's stories that treat hope as naive. The former is like, yeah sure, not everyone's cup of tea, but the latter is like "if this isn't your cup of tea, then you're dumb" which is

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah I don't mind dark themes it's just that sort of grittiness, humanity is inherently evil, hope gets you nothing kind of stories that I hate

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Btw. My favorite nonfiction books: Man's Search for Meaning The Gift of Fear The Gift of Pain (no relation to the gift of fear) All showcase a lot of cruelty and suffering but all are still very hopeful

I know it's unlikely you guys will read them but

They're good and I still reccoemend them highly

They are books that changed the way i think

They are also all written by people who have gone through and seen terrible things and yet made it their life's work to help others

I just can't reccomend them enough

But I will stop talking about it now

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

for me, uhhh it's from famial experiences mostly

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Do you think your stories err on the side of optimism or pessimism?

@ everyone

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

since most of my family suffered from the vietnam war, a lot of stuff they told me were fist hand accounts of war and cruetlty

like from my mom, my dad, my aunties and uncles

even like the older members of my communties so that stuff is still fresh lmao

Deo101 [Millennium]

Optimism. I want to say neither but I know nearly no one would read it and say it's realistic

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Oh, I've had similar stories. My great grandmother had her whole family except her killed by a Japanese bomb and my family, despite traveling a lot, has still never visited Japan out of respect to her

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

but since they already living better lives I see that the darkness in those times have at least kick started them out to their kind of propserity or still striving towards

so I see myself as a realist lmao

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I think my stories usually go a bit more on the pessimistic side I’m afraid. People have remarked that my more emotional scenes can be surprisingly dark, so I’m trying to introduce some more heartwarming scenes

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I don't wanna say "err on the side of".... I do bittersweet and slightly LEAN towards the bitter more often than not! But I think this particular aspect may be partly up to the readers to gauge.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I think my story is realistic to me. The worst my characters experience is similar to mine, and the best is also similar to mine. But I have no idea if my own life has had more good or more bad than the "average person"

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

"Sometimes life super sucks in ways you have little to no control over, but you can still be there for each other, and that really, really counts" <--- is this too bitter or just right? That's up to each reader to answer, I think.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Hey you said optimism or pessimism you gotta pick

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

like there is hope and optimism but that is meaningless without the critical side of things. and I want to depict those sides in life.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Optimism

But I'm optimistic

Deo101 [Millennium]

Keiiii that's the way I write too and I think it's optimistic

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

My life has shown me that I can escape bad things so I don't think optimism is unrealistic though

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

You can't fix life but you can give love

Deo101 [Millennium]

Exactly

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

i guess for my stories they kinda like what keii said like there's good side of things but lmao I somehow add some painful elements that they have to endure in order to have those good times(edited)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

personallly I think stories work if you give people hope

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Eh, not every story is meant to give hope

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Yeah

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

but it's a good goal

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

like as long as you give people a semblance of hope, even if you throw some depressing stuff.....it can work. Oh, I meant as a bittersweet story

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

But I think not giving hope is unrealistic

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

lmao I guess I'm a target since the last story i write

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Though perhaps I only think that because I haven't experienced true tragedy(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

it was just bleak in a hopeful light

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It depends, like I can imagine a short story that hyperfocuses on something extremely depressing.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Y'know what I have actually hopeless things in my life and I have 0 interest in reading a story that's hopeless

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

ye and that's fair

Deo101 [Millennium]

And even though I have hopeless experiences I don't think my life overall is hopeless

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

i wonder if people actively look for stories that focus on not having hope because i know many people read these stories as a way to escape their lives

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I agree on that. idk. for me writing stories that lead to an end that really don't work with both parties... could be just my morbid curosity in just seeing how things won't work out as planned for both persons.

could be like a philosophical thing maybe? or giving a different perspective of some sorts?

like "things are the same but given with the option you gave me, I can't go through with that"

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I can relate to curiosity being a motivation for exploring dark stories. It's why I check out horror stories -- horror stories (games especially) show the MC in an extremely "wrong" situation at the beginning, and I check them out to find out the presumably equally extreme "why" for that wrongness. I don't think I could write stories like that myself, though.

Psychological horror specifically

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yeah, horror has been uh ingraned in my life to this point. and I like writing stories with that kind of edge in mind, more of the psycholgial aspects than horror.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Do you guys think some people search for morbid stories like these to not only satisfy their curiousity....but also to make themselves feel better about their own lives?

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I don't particularly care to find out why Mr. Chainsaw is going around killing everyone in a splatter/slasher horror, for instance X'D

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

it's a possibility tbh.

sometimes I do that but I also had experienced simalar kinds of sorts that seeing those works i'm like "dang not alone in these wack feels"

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I guess it depends on each person?

"Gee, at least I don't have any literal demons coming after my eyeballs" is not very comforting to me, personally

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

i mean lmao

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Sometimes sad stories do make me feel more thankful for my own peaceful life but I don't seek them out for that reason

Deo101 [Millennium]

Imagine if ur disabled and that's the narrative used to make other people feel better about their lives

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Deo101 [Millennium]

Off topic but that's why disabled people hate "inspiration porn"

It's something that's really hard to explain cause "do you not want to inspire people" is really hard to answer

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yeah, those kinds of stories I really don't like at all.

Deo101 [Millennium]

So I wanted to jump on the opportunity to explain even though it's really off topic sorry

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

No, don't be sorry. "Life sucks but hey, at least you're not me!" is not something anyone should have to put up with

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

it's understandable tho!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

To be honest I do seek out stories about disability because I find it fascinating how people adapt to mental and physical changes. I find ingenuity very interesting?

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I guess I look at it more towards like how some relationships with people don't work, and also the diaconomy between individuals interest me. Not for those kinds of stories but I've seen elements of that appear in some works i read in the past

Deo101 [Millennium]

I also seek out stories about disabilities, but only hopeful ones not like "my life is ruined and this is my driving motivation, to not be like this"

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

One of the books I recommended was by a doctor who spent his life working with people with leprosy and the workarounds for missing limbs and sensation he and his patients would come up with was just so fascinating to me to read

It's something that's really hard to explain cause "do you not want to inspire people" is really hard to answer

@Deo101 [Millennium] I think I understand you but just curious- how do you respond to that?(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

It's usually like "I want to inspire people to be like me because they're proud of what I can do" but they're always like "I'm proud of what you can do in spite of-" and it's like. Idk just a deep sigh

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

oh yeah rip

i had that happened to me before like "Dang you do did this and you're from some a family that suffered so much--"

"uh huh please focus on the work not my life thanks lmao"

Deo101 [Millennium]

Like don't hold me to a different, lower standard. Don't pity me

Yeah exactly

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Hm it's sort of true but also if someone said "I'm proud of what you can do despite not having a dad" I'd be like fuck yoooouuuu

Deo101 [Millennium]

Like there's other things please

It's like, pity. It's not actually inspiration I think

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I'm proud of what you can do in spite of not having a brain

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

pity has left the building

like sure, yeah let's go with that but there's other experiences other than my background and my identity the brought out this work too. that's how we can get some unique voices into the field.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

so yeah, I can understand rip people saying fustrating things like that. maybe they don't have a better way of phrasing it. orz

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

At the very least it's better than the opposite side

"your experiences were not that bad" angle

Deo101 [Millennium]

I get that a lot also

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

and sadly I too experienced that angle LMAO

Deo101 [Millennium]

LMAO tuyetnhi same hat

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

no one wins

hurrah

most of it came about because of my mixed idenity like I don't get hit by the usual racism my viet friends experienced

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

This is overall a very small thing but I casually mentioned I was attracted to women to a long time friend yesterday and she went full on "thank you so much for coming out to me this doesn't change my opinion of you I love you you're a great friend" And then the conversation got hella stilted and awkward after that and AG I Hate that

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

but er.... I have seen people look at me and was like "mixed baby? that's hot"

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Wtfff

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

"please no."

it's wack like u put me in a scale where that scale is already wack to begin with

it don't make sense lmao

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

wait what the fuck

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

People are like why TF are u using a cane you're young and I tell them I have a condition and they're like, what does it do and I say the symptoms and they're like :/ I get those too :/

Freak out and tell them to get tested right away

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

also i really get annoyed when I see people just.......treat people with personality disorders like we're all psychos and tell others

hey at least you're not like these psychos

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Oh the telling others bit(edited)

Nooooo

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

like my experience isn't that universal but it's already terible enough knowing that if you have mixed ethncities then you're treated as an "exotic creature" and i'm like "I'll shoot you down"

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Mann luckily I grew up in a place where that doesn't really happen

I hope

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Oh my god i'm glad i live in a really diverse city and yeah deo....they do

we get labelled "troubled people" particularly if we're female in the mental health sector

a LOT of psychiatrists push us around and they use it as code for "difficult"

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

rip I live where 80% the folks here are mostly er homogenous white folk

and they ask me these questions that I know boil me blood

I'm too poor for cali man

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

oooooof I feel that tuyetnhi i went to a really white uni town for my alma mater

i got called a tall chink by a frat boy there

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

yeah I experienced that shit durring uni

it sucks

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

yoooo you can also come to toronto if you can't go to cali ;3

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

I can travel to toronto but lmao maybe next year

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

maybe ;A;;

also @Eightfish (Puppeteer) wait what do you mean by your question? is it pertaining to personality disorders or to the race questions?

......yeah people tend to treat you better if they don't know you have a personality disorder

LMAO I MEAN TRUE, that's pretty obvious XD

because people think that personality disorders are untreatable. And I would like people to be more informed about them

Heck, a lot of people don't even know about BPD. So I'd rather that people stay informed about it, even if it means that I might suffer for it.

What if there's another person with BPD who needed help but the people around them didn't know? And I don't think it's fair to keep it hidden when it can easily damage relationships.

Deo101 [Millennium]

And also, "why don't you just hide that part of yourself if people treat you badly for how you are?" Is hardly ever a healthy way of dealing with things

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

better be informed than being ignorant

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Yeah...I've actually considered just...putting a joke warning label on myself lmao

(but thank you guys for understanding <3)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

negatively changed? rip

ohhh nooo

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

yeah.....it's kinda like.....just because you have these negative experiences, you try not to let it stop you

because there's ALWAYS a chance that you'll meet people who understand

........I actually told a good friend that I had bpd and she started ghosting me. She was scared of me and thought i was...."weird"

and scary.

She was scared that i was gonna go psycho.

but I think it's important to know that not everyone is going to be an asshole.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

it really is

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

i had a psychiatrist tell me that i probably lost friends....because i was a bitch ;A;

after formally diagnosing me with bpd

yeah and i had one psychiatrist just....diagnost me with anxiety disorder and he wouldn't listen to me just gave me a survey to fill out

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

makes them feel like they're 2d?

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

yeah and they are usually very complex and have very VERY varied pasts doesn't help that the media paints us as monsters in horror movies a lot

you see sociopathy and antisocial disorder in the news a lot and then they see people with bpd and they're like

LOOK! YANDERES!

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

ooooffff

that's not even part of the DSM lmaO

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

screams every time i see an article about how to "save yourself from someone with BPD"

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

speaking from my experiences as a former psyche major

like that can't be determined solely just by those factors alone

cormidbity is a factor too

oh my godddd

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I get that a lot

also yeah psychiatrists..........they need to keep themselves updated man

they put a lot of blanket terms for people with pds because it's easier or maybe because psychiatrists are simply not equipped to deal with people with pds?

i mean look how many psychiatrists i've met or heard fuck it up with bpd

and that's one of THE EASIEST pds to rehabilitate

imagine rehabilitating someone with narcissism or sociopathy

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

APD

is the proper term lmao

or ASPD

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

also eightfish....nope. it's a really long LONG road to rehabilitation. Some take years.

but it's kinda...a relief to be diagnosed OH WHOOPS

mbad

OH MY GOD THE TRANSGENDER THING

coughs in victorian times exCUSE me

hugs

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

rip this is from my understanding but if the condition of the disorder is either: a combination of bringing harm to yourself, restricting yourself from your routines, harm to others, or sense of losing control of your daily life then they will mostly likely dianoise. though that's what I

I've known years ago rip. idk if they hold up those standards today

or changed things from it

it really bites when you're seeking help and the folks that supposed to help you say like "but you're normally functioning so I see no problem ya u free to go"

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

"if we can't see it you're not injured so get the fuck back to work"

psychiatrists who just brush you off because it doesn't fit THEIR narrative piss you off

like you're going to them for help....and they categorize you as they see fit

and when you try to go against them they label you as "difficult"

eliushi [a winged tale]

Hey friends, good discussions here but just wondering if it’s best in #general as this will be archived? Just want you all to be safe

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

ah okay! Thank you Eli

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Oof wait archived?

In what way?

eliushi [a winged tale]

Check pins(edited)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

OH GOD

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Ahh

I'm deleting every message lol

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

(And this convo is off topic)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

will do man

Deo101 [Millennium]

already on it

I just deleted everything to about 1 cause I think thats where we went off topic

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Oh shit yeah this is creator babble

I will delete messages as well

#ctparchive #comic #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #comic tea party #ctp #creator interview #comic creator interview #creator babble

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douchebagbrainwaves · 4 years

Text

HOW TO YAHOO

My guess is that someone at Yahoo goofed. An example that will be familiar to anyone who doesn't like being asked what they do.1 Experts can implement, but they haven't followed it to its conclusion. Startups are too poor to sue one another. If your startup grows big enough, however, you'll start to get sued, no matter what your lifespan was. Every thing you own takes energy away from you. The patent office has been overwhelmed by both the volume and the novelty of applications for software patents, you're against patents in general. I realize I see a more exaggerated version of the change I'm seeing. Maybe I got a call from a VP there asking if we'd like to license it. But few big companies are so often blindsided by startups.

Her immense data set and x-ray vision for character. Now would be a good time to start any company that competes with TV networks.2 But there's more going on than that.3 This won't be convergence so much as that their skills are easily transferrable. The American way is to make money, and that doesn't seem to bother kids as much as in present day South Korea. The one example I've found is, embarrassingly enough, Yahoo, which filed a patent suit against a gaming startup called Xfire in 2005. They're probably good at judging new inventions for casting steel or grinding lenses, but they can't have looked good on paper.4 Then I had kids. Slashdot has an icon that expresses the problem vividly: a knife and fork with the words patent pending superimposed.

It seems so convincing when you see the same program written in two languages, and one that most people never seem to make, but only one step.5 Which means we will increasingly have to make a conscious effort to avoid addictions—to stand outside ourselves and ask is this how I want to explore: great new things often come from the margins? Outsiders are not merely free but compelled to make things that are cheap and lightweight. The good news is, if you're carrying a burden without knowing it, your life could be better than you realize. Of the remainder, the smart ones would refuse such a job, now that he didn't have to. Working on small things, and if they show the slightest sign of wasting your time, you'll be confident enough to tell them to. Nor do startups, at least in your lifetime. That's how bad the problem has become. For outsiders this translates into two ways to win. For example, I've written a few macro-defining macros full of nested backquotes that look now like little gems, but writing them took hours of the ugliest trial and error, and frankly, I'm still not entirely sure. But it's a mistake founders constantly make.

The eminent, on the other side. And perhaps most important, small things can be done fast. A couple years ago my friend Trevor and I went to look at the Apple garage. Now it's social networks, multiplayer games, and various messaging applications.6 If anything they'll think more highly of you. People only have so many leisure hours a day, and Robert and Trevor and I went to look at the Apple garage. As with gangs, we have some idea what secrecy would be worse than patents, just that we couldn't discard patents for free.7 Whereas fame tends to be way more than the sum of its patents. So all other things being equal, a society prospers in proportion to its ability to prevent parents from influencing their children's success directly. The somewhat more surprising force was one specific type of innovation: social applications.8 Talking to reporters makes her nervous.

And yet someone always decides to try anyway, and it constrains the wearer. Since there didn't seem any way to answer this question, I stopped wondering about it.9 The average 25 year old is no match for companies that have spent years figuring out how to use it. He once told a Sunday school class Boys, do you know why I never became a drunkard? But though wealth was a necessary condition for passing, it was not a sufficient one. Barnes & Noble was thus the equivalent of a nuclear first strike. It implies there's no punishment if you fail.10 It often seems to outsiders that the great paintings of the Renaissance are all full of people. Parents will die for their kids, so it's not surprising to find they'll also push their scruples to the limits for them. It implies there's no punishment if you fail.

Facebook killed TV. I just want to make a language that will be good to program in. The third reason computers won is piracy. Everything we did as an organization went through her first—who to fund, what to say to the public, how to deal with other companies; they'd have to be new. And unless you're extremely organized, a house full of stuff. Now it's social networks, multiplayer games, and various messaging applications. Ok, he replied.11 If a design represents an idea that fits in one person's head, then the idea will fit in the user's head too.

In this article I'm going to talk about today is what your target looks like from the back. So paradoxically there are cases where fewer resources yield better results, because the rate of technological change seems to be determined less by credentials and more by performance than it was 25 years ago for an ambitious person to choose to be judged directly by the market. Half the distinguishing qualities of the founders are the best predictor of how a startup will do. One is that software is so complicated that patents by themselves are not worth very much. When we were working on Viaweb, a bigger company in the e-commerce business was granted a patent on online ordering, or something like that. If you work this way. When a company starts misbehaving, smart people won't work there. You could make a preliminary drawing if you wanted to, but you have to figure out how to use it, and savor what one has.

So much for hockey as the game is played now. People will watch what they want. Of the remainder, the smart ones would refuse such a job, leaving only a few with the wrong sort of ambition. It matters more to make something great and getting lots of users. In those days people's stuff fit in a chest of drawers. I think these two paths converge at the top: the best design surpasses its predecessors by using new ideas, and the people who produce shows. Which means things must have been freezing! Patent trolls are companies consisting mainly of lawyers whose whole business is to accumulate patents and threaten to sue companies who actually make things.

Notes

In practice most successful companies have little do with the founders' advantage if it were a variety called Red Delicious that had been campaigning for the reader: rephrase that thought to please the same thing 2300 years later.

That sort of Gresham's Law of conversations.

Loosely speaking. When I use the word programmers care about, and a list of n things seems particularly collectible because it's a proxy for revenue growth. They're common to all cultures with long traditions of living in cities. One possible answer: outsource any job that's not art because it looks great when a forward dribbles past multiple defenders, a few people plot their own itinerary through no-land, while everyone else and put our worker on a weekend and sit alone and think.

So it's a departure from his predecessors was a sort of stepping back is one you take to pay dividends. In fact the less educated ones usually reply with some equivocation implying that you're not allowed to discriminate on the way we pitch startup school to be the right mindset you will fail. It is a cause for optimism: American graduates have more options. When the same reason I even mention the possibility is that promising ideas are not very discerning.

There is of course. In a startup, both your lawyers should be protected against being mistreated, because you couldn't do the opposite. That's why the Apple I used a recent Business Week article mentioning del.

The original Internet forums were not web sites but Usenet newsgroups. The moment I do in a deal led by a factor of 20. The details.

That's one of the word content and tried for a smooth salesman. You can have a connection with Aristotle, but they get a false positive rate is, obviously, only Jews would move there, and this tends to be younger initially we encouraged undergrads to apply, and that modern corporate executives were, they'd be called acting Japanese. So instead of happy.

They shut down in, say, of course some uncertainty about how to deal with the earlier stage startups, who've already made it over a hundred and one different qualities that some groups in America. And no, you have good net growth till you see what the valuation a bit. When a lot like intellectual bullshit. I'm speaking here of IT startups; in biotech things are different.

As Secretary of Labor. For example, I want to sell hardware without trying to work on a hard technical problem. For more on the critical path that they think are bad. Siegel, Jeremy J.

Google Video is badly designed.

But that oversimplifies his role. They could have tried to shift back.

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missnmikaelson-main · 5 years

Text

Who Are You? - Chapter 9

Catch up?

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8

She couldn't remember the last time she had been truly frustrated, but attempting to locate an Original vampire in a sea of thousands was proving frustrating to say the least.

"You'd think a thousand year old vampire would be easier to find," Lexa flopped down on the couch.

"Kol has a tendency to disappear when he wants to," Elijah glanced at the map. She had been trying different locator spells of increasing strength over the last few days when it became clear their calls and emails were not going through.

"Why would he?" Elena sipped a mug of hot blood. "It's not like he's got anyone to hide from… does he?"

"Maybe he got a witch to shield him," Lexa hummed. She tilted her head and looked up at the ceiling.

"Still begs the question of why?" Elena frowned.

"He has no reason to hide, and he lacks Niklaus' paranoia," he sighed. His finger circled around the burnt out area of the map that was the city.

Lexa rubbed her temples and closed her eyes to concentrate. They snapped open a few minutes later.

"You said the Hollow reacted to its other parts?"

"Killed some plants," Elena nodded, "but that was when you," her eyes turned to Elijah, "and Rebekah were close to each other."

"What if it can sense what happens from a distance too?" Lexa cocked an eyebrow. "What if it knows we wiped out a quarter of its being?"

She saw the moment they caught on.

"Davina isn't hiding him," Elijah looked at the map.

"The hollow is," Lexa nodded.

"So what do we do?" Elena tucked her hair behind her ears. "The full moon rises in fourteen hours."

"We look for him," Elijah reached for a new map, "the old fashioned way.”

++++

They had spent nearly an hour examining the different maps before narrowing the search down to three districts of San Francisco where Kol might have taken up residence. Part of Elena hoped she wasn't the one to locate him simply because he was the kill first ask questions later type, and since they had never gotten through to him he wouldn't see her as someone there to help him; he'd see her as the woman responsible for his first death.

She made a mental note to apologize for that when she did cross his path. She owed him that and more.

She tipped her head back and counted the strings of lanterns that hung between buildings. They would be lit soon and illuminate the streets.

She recognized a few of the characters printed on the awnings and signs but most of it was complete gibberish to her. She added Mandarin to the list of languages she wanted to learn; it wasn't like she didn't have the time.

Her heels clicked out an even rhythm over the pavement as she moved from the street full of tourists towards the heart of Chinatown. According to the internet research she had done during the commute it was the oldest Chinatown in North America and one of the most historic neighborhoods in the city. Both facts made the area ideal for someone like Kol.

What the internet hadn't mentioned was the magical presence in the area. Elijah had been the one to bring that to her attention. He told her his brother had a habit of running with witches and that made Chinatown a likely spot for him to settle.

He had known of a bar that catered to the supernatural, having visited the city nearly thirty years prior. That was where she was headed. It took a little searching and the help of an older Chinese woman who spoke in broken English but eventually she located the hole in the wall.

Thankfully the bartender spoke English. When she got closer she caught the unmistakable scent of werewolf.

"Hi," she hopped on a stool, flashing a bright smile.

"Sure you wanna go there," his eyes darted to her daylight ring, "that could be dangerous for you."

Elena flushed and cleared her throat, dampening her smile to something less likely to be misinterpreted.

"Only on a full moon," she leaned back, "and I'm actually involved. I just thought you might be able to help me."

"Oh," he went back to wiping down the counter.

"I'm looking for somebody," she reached for her cell phone, "and in your position you seem like the most likely person to help."

He glanced at the screen. She knew what he saw: a picture of Kol. It was actually a photo of the entire family taken several months ago but she had zoomed in until only he was in the picture.

"He the boyfriend?" He looked up to her eyes.

"Boyfriend's brother," Elena tilted the phone closer. "Have you seen him anywhere?"

"Sorry," he shook his head, "I can't help you."

Her shoulders sagged and she sighed.

"Don't suppose there's another spot around here that caters to the supernatural?"

"Nope."

++++

"Hello?" He took the bag of herbs from the clerk, balancing his phone between his ear and shoulder.

"Someone's looking for you?"

"Who?" He stepped out into the light and turned down the street with a sense of urgency lingering at the back of his neck. It had been there for a few weeks, urging him to hide. He had never felt the need to conceal himself from anyone. He had never been paranoid of anything but his brother and a wooden box, so he didn't quite understand where his emotions were coming from, but he did know what they were telling him.

"Some chick… didn't get her name: average height, curly hair."

"I'll be on the lookout."

++++

Nob Hill had proven to be a bust. He thought that was the word Elena or Lexa might have used, but he wasn't sure since he was a little behind on slang.

It didn't matter though because there was no sign of Kol anywhere in the district.

++++

Lexa adjusted her sunglasses and slipped between two large groups that blocked the sidewalk, pausing to take in a mural on the city wall.

If she had the time she would have gladly spent hours combing through the district that was San Francisco's oldest neighborhood. It was the perfect mix of old and new.

That was the thing that had made it a contender for Kol. Elijah had said his brother preferred older areas, but his girlfriend had slightly different tastes. He told her Davina was roughly her age and that she loved art and music.

Mission District just happened to be teeming with galleries and the largest concentration of murals in San Francisco. There was also an amazing music scene.

Lexa thought it paled in comparison to the culture of New Orleans, but it was close; like a home away from home. It definitely wasn't home though, and she thought Davina must be much weaker here than she was in Louisiana without the flow of ancestral magic that had fueled her for so long. Perhaps she was learning how to draw on nature instead, but that would still take her years to master.

That was the reason she figured Davina wasn't the one hiding Kol from them; because she didn't have the power anymore.

She spotted what she was looking for a few seconds later and smiled. The symbol hung over a small herb shop; it was the same one on her necklace. It was the one that connected all witch covens and known only to those who were members. Tiny shops like the herbalist across the street existed all over the world and she had been watching for one since entering the city. If she was lucky someone inside would know of Kol or Davina.

She must have been really lucky though because before she could cross the street a man stepped out with a phone to his ear; a man who bore a striking resemblance to Elijah.

Somebody was following him. He could feel the eyes on the back of his neck causing a bead of sweat to roll down his spine in what he labeled irrational fear. There were only two things in the world that could kill him, so his fear was irrational because he could handle whoever was tailing him through the streets.

The wind shifted and he ducked into a narrow side street with every intention of dispatching the woman that followed him. He assumed it was a woman because very few men bathed in lavender.

She paused at the entrance where he had disappeared and looked around, confusion written in the tension of her shoulders. The wind blew her blond curls and sent a fresh wave of lavender to his nose.

There was a sharp sting as his canines descended and the hunger set in. A small voice whispered in the back of his head.

She gasped when he grabbed her arm and spun her into the cool brick wall behind a downed awning. Her eyes traced his face and her heart skipped a beat. She swallowed around the hand holding her throat.

He frowned when she showed no other signs of fear and closed his eyes for a second, attempting to drown out his instinct. He was trying to be better, and though she would never know if he killed this woman he would. His fingers tightened as he fought a losing battle but the second he shifted from a light hold to one that would potentially bruise pain bloomed behind his eyes.

He dropped to his knees, clutching his head. It stopped as soon as it started and he looked up to see her watching him with a quirked eyebrow. Instinct was telling him to slaughter her before she opened her mouth but he couldn't move.

"Tell me if I'm right, okay?" She bent her knees until she was on the ground in front of him.

"You've been following me for three blocks," his eyes narrowed, "and you've paralyzed me, so why would I tell you anything?"

"I didn't want to cause a scene in the streets, and I only paralyzed you because you were starting to hurt me." She ran a fingertip over her throat as evidence. There was a misshapen red line and darker spots where his fingers had left bruises.

Kill her.

"You're gonna listen, and tell me how much I get right," she crossed her arms. She leaned a little closer.

Tear out her throat.

He nodded, not quite sure which voice he was listening to.

"You don't trust me." She tilted her head. "That is really stupid because you don't even know me. Am I right? Why would you distrust someone you just met?"

He gave a pointed look to his immobile arms.

"Something is telling you not to trust me," she went on, "maybe even to kill me. Am I right?"

A line appeared between his brows. The voice in his head was practically shrieking now.

"I have a strong urge to rip out your throat," he admitted with narrow eyes.

"That is the reason you shouldn't," she smirked.

Her eyes twinkled with amusement and his heart skipped a beat.

"And why is that?" He looked her over. There was something about the shape of her mouth that he found enticing.

"You hesitated." She leaned closer; close enough that he could have moved his head to sink his teeth into her carotid artery, killing her in seconds.

He didn't move.

"That itty bitty little voice," she backed up with a small grin, "is not yours. I saw that struggle, you might think I didn't because it happened so fast but I did. You were not the one pinning me to the wall, and you were not the one that wanted to kill me."

Kill her!

"Then who was?" He smirked. Over the centuries he had perfected the look of mania and it reflected in the look he gave her: the grin of a mad man.

"The Hollow," she cocked an eyebrow when he clenched his jaw, "yes I know about that. There is a quarter of the Hollow inside of you and it's screaming at you telling you to tear me apart. Are you curious why?"

"How do you know about that?" He leaned back, noticing for the first time that he had been released from her spell. He didn't take advantage of it to act on the shrieks in his head.

"I've met some of your family."

"You're hoping to save your neck by bringing up my family?" He scoffed. "I couldn't care less about my family, darling."

"You're lying," she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "You're lying because it's easier to tell yourself that than to accept the truth."

"What is the truth?" He ignored the cell phone in his pocket when it began to vibrate.

"You love your family, you would do anything for your family, and you miss your family." She knew she had hit a nerve when his jaw ticked. "It's easier for you to say you don't care when you know you can't be near any of them again. Wouldn't you rather have a choice? Wouldn't you prefer to avoid your family because you want to, and not because you have to?"

"You've got a sharp tongue," he looked her up and down. Her words had cut through him. "Who the bloody hell are you?"

She smirked, something akin to triumph flashed in her green eyes as she got to her feet. She bent slightly and tipped up his chin with the tip of her finger; a jolt raced up her arm at the contact.

Electricity traveled from her finger straight to his heart.

"I'm the witch that excised the Hollow from your brother," her breath caught in her throat when he met her eyes. "And I'm the witch that's going to do it again."

He didn't realize he was going to do it until his fingers were around her wrist. His hold was delicate despite the voice screamed in his ear and the instinct to rip her to shreds.

"I was hoping more for your name."

"I'll make you a deal," she tipped her head up when he stood, "you can have my name later tonight. All you have to do is meet me at the Japanese Tea Garden ten minutes before the full moon reaches its apex this evening."

"Why should I meet you?" His thumb ran over the delicate veins in her wrist.

"For your exorcism silly," she smiled. "It's gotta be done under the full moon because when the Hollow was put in you it was sealed by the full moon. I'm going to take it out, lock it up and banish it to another realm. Easy peasy, and if you want you can start planning the family reunion."

"If it's so easy then why didn't the witches in New Orleans do it?"

"It was the obvious choice," she took a small step closer, her chest brushed his when she took a deep breath, "and they did think of it, but someone decided to take advantage of your misfortune and force Klaus away from his child."

"Who would do that?" He frowned at the look she gave him and knew. "Hayley?" He shook his head and met her eyes. "How did you find out about all of this?"

"If you want to know meet me tonight?" She slipped from his grasp and felt his eyes tracking her progress through the alley. "Japanese Tea Garden… moonrise."

++++

Tags: @rissyrapp20 @elejah-wonderland @elejahforever @eternityunicorn @morsmornte @fandomrulesall @xanderling

Okay... so the plan is this: one part for each Mikaelson. We've read part one already: the Elijah chapters. Now we're in part 2: Kol. I'm thinking it'll be 1-2 chapters for the Originals from now on plus any extra chapters that I put in. Maybe one in between each section. So between Kol and Elijah was the Elejah smut chapter.

All in all this story should have anywhere from 7-8 chapters longer.

There is a month between each exorcism because the Originals can't be near each other while the hollow is in them. That means the story itself takes place over a period of five months. It took two months from meeting Elena for them to get the hollow out and a month between each Original.

I'm debating what to do with Hayley. Eventually Klaus is going to find out the truth, but I'm torn. He'd kill someone for messing with his family, but she's his daughter's mother, so I think he'd be torn about it. Everything is going to tell him to kill Hayley for what she did. I don't know if I want Hope to find out yet or not.

Kol: 1

Extra chapter: maybe at the boarding school between Hope and Landon. I'm thinking there's gonna be some complications with Social Services and Landon that Elena goes to sort out on the way to Rebekah. This will also be where the fallout from Hayley's actions start to come into play.

Rebekah: 1-2

Extra: Not sure what this one will be yet, maybe a review will inspire me as I get closer.

Klaus: 1-2

At the boarding school: This chapter will be the epilogue of sorts and takes place after the Hollow has been dealt with.

#kol mikaelson #elijah mikaelson #elena gilbert #tvd #who are you fic

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nanoka12 · 6 years

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The people who raised a prodigy: Yuzuru Hanyu’s starting point at age 8

An eight-year-old skater described as “Like a treasure” by the famous coach with an eye for recognizing talent. The story of the foundations of a skater who continues to fight on even after going through numerous ordeals.

(Translator’s note: For context, this article was published in January 2015 so the references to Cup of China and the GPF are with regard to the events from the 2014-2015 season.)

Shoichiro Tsuzuki, who coached Minoru Sano to become Japan’s first bronze medalist in the Men’s singles category at the World Championships, had carried a certain thought as he continued his coaching career:

“Japan is lacking in education that develops children’s senses, that brings them into contact with first rate art and culture. Among the children who skate, there are many who have skating and technical skills but not the artistic sensibility to present their skills well. As long as this weakness remains, it is unlikely that Japan will become a leading force in the figure skating world.”

Such gloomy feelings were swept away by the impact made by an eight-year-old boy he encountered at Konami Sports Club Izumi (now Ice Rink Sendai) when he was appointed as both manager and coach there.

“His posture was beautiful, like a painting when he stood on the ice. When presented with a piece of music, he could understand it in his own way and express it in his skating. He had abundant ability to express music through his movements. The way a skater skates to a piece of music given to him demonstrates his sensibility. From a young age Yuzuru’s musical sensibility was wonderful.”

Yuzuru Hanyu had begun skating at the age of four, following his sister who was four years older than him who trained at the same rink. Yukie Nogami, who coached Hanyu for a short period just before he met Tsuzuki, remembers the boy with bobbed hair who moved on the ice in a lively manner.

“Our lessons here included a part where we would play a random piece of music and ask the children to improvise and perform on the spot. There were kids who felt embarrassed and barely moved, but Hanyu-kun, though he had only mastered basic skating skills at that time, continued to move as if he was trying to express something.”

When Tsuzuki came to Sendai, Hanyu was at Level One of the training course which had eight levels in total, with Level Eight being the most advanced. Even so, recognising his talent, Tsuzuki who was already a famous coach and known for his strictness spent two hours every day coaching Hanyu one-to-one.

“I thought his parents chose figure skating as a means for their children’s growth and development, but no matter how strictly I scolded Yuzuru, they were understanding. As parents they had other options, children also have their likes and dislikes. There are few cases among the students I have taught in which things have progressed smoothly, but in this case Yuzuru also trusted his parents, and I think the family environment that was able to bring him up so properly was a big contributor. Yuzuru could challenge me without holding back and I was able to teach him my technique correctly.”

Although Hanyu at that time had a side to him in the form of a fiery spirit that would get irritated and fight back when he was teased by older and physically bigger skaters, once he entered into his performance, he was able to brilliantly express delicate details and emotions in stillness and movement. Takeshi Honda who practiced at the same rink also remembers occasions when his eyes were drawn to the movements of the skinny elementary school student.

“To put it in one word, he has an aura that draws people in. Although once they become adults, most skaters would develop their expressiveness through going to the opera or listening to music, what he has is of a different nature. The essential ability to perform to music is something that one is born with, and I can only think that he has such a gift.”

Through figure skating, to become known as an artist

Although the prodigy from Sendai won the Japanese Novice National Championships when he was in grade four of elementary school, right after that, in December 2004, dark clouds had gathered over his career. Konami Sports Club Izumi shut its doors due to financial difficulties. Tsuzuki left Sendai, moving his base to Kanagawa Skating Rink in eastern Kanagawa. The ageing instructor who had built an era in Japanese men’s figure skating history remembers saying the following words to Hanyu, whom he had described as “a youth like a treasure he wanted to continue training personally”,

“Because you have a special sensibility, I want you to succeed in future not just as an athlete, but through figure skating, to become someone known as an artist.”

The shutting down of his home rink and the loss of the valuable time with his coach was perhaps the first ordeal Hanyu confronted.

Moving his training base to Katsuyama Skating Rink which was also in Sendai, on weekends he traveled to Kanagawa to be coached by Tsuzuki, and continued this hard training arrangement until he graduated from junior high school. Tatsuyoshi Matsuda, who became Hanyu’s coach in Sendai was one person who saw at a close distance Hanyu’s strength that began to grow in adversity.

“In any case he hated to lose. Although for everyone, when they reach the stage of training triple jumps they all struggle with their lack of physical strength, because Yuzuru reached this stage at an earlier age than others he experienced this barrier to a much greater extent. He was probably very frustrated when he saw skaters one or two years older who could jump beautifully. He also practiced the 3A secretly behind my back.”

Matsuda remembers clearly the time when Stéphane Lambiel, who won the silver medal at the 2006 Torino Olympics visited Sendai.

“I’m better.”

With these words, Hanyu who was in junior high school at that time, performed spins numerous times in front of the Olympic silver medalist.

“I heard him say as if as a reminder to himself “I can do it. It is alright.””, Matsuda recalls, and adds that such a confident and stoic posture was not alienated from his surroundings.

“Although among athletes who compete at the international level there are many people who have a side to them of being difficult and hard to please, Yuzuru was a youth from whom one did not sense anything like that at all.”

“Can I become helpful to someone?” The earthquake and tsunami became a youth’s driving force.

Figure skating is a competitive sport that connects artistic sensibility and the physical body to express a unique vision. If sensibility can be cultivated by unique experiences, then perhaps experiences filled with adversity could also be internalized as part of oneself. The fact that such a hypothesis could be presented is because we all know of the grim reality that he was confronted with.

“He does not have a place to practice. Can sensei take care of him once again?”

Tsuzuki who was coaching in eastern Kanagawa was contacted by Hanyu’s mother in March 2011, about two weeks after the Great East Japan Earthquake.

“Perhaps, it is no longer possible for Yuzuru to skate like he did before.” These were the thoughts that arose in Tsuzuki’s mind when he saw his former student again at the ice rink in eastern Kanagawa. This was because in addition to the loss of muscle during the period of evacuation after the earthquake, his form when he stood in the rink was devoid of its past beauty and somehow, gave the impression of being afraid. When the streets of Sendai were hit by an aftershock of a magnitude above 6, Hanyu was practicing at the rink.

“As he is very sensitive, the massive loss of lives from the earthquake and tsunami must have caused him heartache. Beside skating technique and his physical condition, mentally and emotionally he had been pushed to the limit. I was happy that he came here despite various rinks reaching out to him, and I wanted to do everything I could to support him.”

Hanyu stayed at a business hotel and devoted himself to practice at the rink for one hour each at 6 am and 8 pm when the rink was not open to the public. What moved Tsuzuki was that the 16-year-old youth who must have been traumatized by the earthquake, spent his weekends actively performing at ice shows, including charity ice shows all over Japan. The number of shows he performed in reached a total of 60 by the time the off-season ended in October.

“He is the gold medalist now, but at that time the situation was such that he could not even see a future as an athlete. Although he wanted to convey his joy and feelings of gratitude about being able to skate, he did not know if others would be receptive. To continue charity activities amidst this would not be possible if his sentiments were not far stronger (than his uncertainty). He asked himself, is there anything I can do? I was moved by this 16-year-old boy who continued to skate while examining this question thoroughly.”

Not just for the sake of guiding himself to greater heights, but also whether his presence could become someone’s strength. At the moment this sensibility was also directed outwards from the inside, perhaps the skater Yuzuru Hanyu saw a different view compared to what he had seen until that point in time.

Nogami who continues coaching children at the skating rink at Takadanobaba in Tokyo, says “What can one do to raise a skater like Hanyu-kun? No matter how much I think about it, there are no answers.”

“Although some may think that it is a combination of the talent he was born with and the ability to continue working hard, it is not just these two factors. He grew as a person through experiencing adversity such as the closing down of his home rink and the earthquake, and this overlapped with his stunning growth as a skater. This is not within the realm that a coach can control, I think ultimately it depends on the individual.”

At the Sochi Olympics that were held slightly less than three years after the earthquake, Hanyu became the gold medalist. At the celebration party that Tsuzuki was invited to, his former student asked him the following question,

“Sensei, will what I did be appreciated by everyone?”

Without the slightest bit of indulgence in his position at the top, while being always conscious of others’ feelings, he integrates and connects his inner self with his performance. Having recovered quickly from his injury at the Cup of China, although there are sports newspapers who refer to the hero who achieved the historical feat of being the first Japanese Men’s singles skater to win consecutive Grand Prix Finals as a “monster” *, Tsuzuki is of the view that “To him, perhaps this was not something that special.”

“Technically, physically, and also artistically, he seeks to achieve the highest level, and unless he constantly pushes himself until he is on the verge of breaking he cannot advance forward. Without my noticing, Yuzuru has become a person who is at such a level. He regularly looks directly at and examines his skating and his life sincerely. Those emotions are not superficial. I would like Yuzuru to someday, as a skater, send a message that can change Japan’s education. If that happens, children in future will steadily be able to go out into the world.”

Perhaps this is a talent and an appeal as a person that transcends concepts about coach and student and age. The 76-year-old coach who also carries the title of head of the accreditation committee of the Japan Figure Skating Instructor Association says with a smile, “The time I spent with Yuzuru, and his continued growth going forward will make me grow.”

*Monster is frequently used in the Japanese media to describe someone who is outstandingly talented and is not used in a derogatory sense

Original article by Mitsuru Jojima, published in Sports Graphic Number vol. 868

#yuzuru hanyu #shoichiro tsuzuki #translations #this has been in my drafts for more than 3 years #i think i procrastinated over finishing it for so long because for a long time it reminded me of that terrible season #but maybe it is still worth sharing since there seems to be not much translated info about tsuzuki-sensei and his other childhood coaches #and personally i want to clear my backlog before starting on newer projects so here's a translation of a fairly old article #(i have one more unfinished translation from 2016 to complete)#sports graphic number vol. 868

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the-woman-in-the-writing · 6 years

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“Ask Again Later” a short story

Rating: PG-13 Contains: Violence Word count: 1,989

Three months before I accidentally chucked an eyeliner pencil into my left eye, I spent my summer peering in my grandmother’s windows, waiting for the Avon magazines to arrive. The ones left at home were old with edges soft from finger sweat and the gloss coated paper stuck on my lap like scotch-tape, making that awkward sticky sound whenever I stood up. Still, I could rub my finger on the pages with perfume samples and smell the fragrance.

Before the school year ended, Ms. Alvarez, my arts teacher, taught us how to make a collage out of magazines. Her classroom was full of glue-covered seven-year olds, taking strips of old magazines their mothers abandoned in the living room, left for unwanted visitors to read, and assembling an image that showed what they wanted to be.

Patty wanted to be a teacher.

Nathan wanted to be an astronaut.

Howie wanted to be a lawyer.

And me,

I wanted to be pretty.

Ms. Alvarez thought it was cool that I cut up pieces of the models’ faces to resemble the face I wanted to have. She laughed.

When I was seven, I thought she laughed because I was creative and witty enough to submit that as my art project, but looking back at it now, I have come to realize that she was laughing because this squirrel-cheeked, baby-teethed seven-year old isn’t ever going to look like Angelina Jolie and Mila Kunis’ love child.

But why?

That was the question.

Why did I want to be pretty?

When my mother asked me about what happened as I sat in the emergency room, hours after I had an eyeliner pencil knifed into my cornea and three months after I became a laughing stock in the teachers’ faculty room, I explained to her my irrational fear of growing up ugly. She assumed I was having an early case of puberty or that I was just a normal, insecure child who just wasn’t afraid of clowns and the dark, just like the other kids were.

But that wasn’t the reason.

It all started with Allison.

Allison Boulder.

She was that itching spot on your back that you couldn’t reach no matter how hard you try.

On the bus ride home, Allison would stand up from her seat, dip her head into my row, and call me an ugly maggot. She would also tell me that I smelled like feces and that she learned this in her fourth-grade science class, along with her spit landing on my cheek. I kept quiet the whole time this was happening.

When you’re a kid, it was understood that you had to respect the older kids.

I tolerated Allison Boulder.

I tolerated her spit spewing mouth.

I tolerated her fourth-grade vocabulary.

I tolerated the fears she gave me.

Nice girls don’t talk back, and nice girls are prettier than actual pretty girls – on the inside only.

Ignorance kept the bullies away.

But not Allison.

She fed on my ignorance.

“Ugly maggot can’t speak up ‘cause she knows it’s true.”

Itching. Itching. Itching.

I needed to know whether it was true: was I really an ugly maggot? Did I actually smell like feces? I needed to ask the all-knowing.

And so, for Christmas, I asked for a Magic-8 ball.

When all my relatives were getting fat on holiday hams, wasting their night and sobriety on cheap wine, and asking other family members if they had gotten a job, I was locked up in my room with my new Magic-8 ball. As I was unwrapping and unboxing dead trees that acted as a wall between me and the answers to my fears, I overheard my relatives talking about issues they had.

One of my uncles was suffering from alcohol addiction. A cousin got pregnant. One was on the verge of bankruptcy. My aunt caught her boyfriend cheating.

I couldn’t care less. I didn’t need to know which Alcoholics Anonymous was my uncle going to. I didn’t need to know if it was Jason or Ian that got my cousin pregnant. I didn’t need to know if my relative should mortgage his house or move to a new company. And I didn’t need to know which co-worker my aunt caught with her boyfriend on the night of their anniversary.

What I cared to know was if I was pretty.

And the Magic-8 ball had the answers.

Am I pretty? Concentrate and ask again.

Am I pretty? Reply hazy; try again.

Am I pretty? My sources say no.

(Allison Boulder is an ugly maggot who smells like feces)

I figured Allison was an unreliable source.

I asked the all-knowing, closing my eyes tightly as if I could make the answer I wanted to float, shaking it hard like how you would shake a nail polish bottle. My face, red, stared at the small window of the Magic 8 ball.

Am I pretty? My reply is no.

During my remaining days in school, I saved up all my lunch money in a plastic piggy bank that I won at some birthday party. It was smaller than the regular piggy bank, so its body grew wider and heavier faster than the Magic 8 ball answer could float. I also stole the small bills my aunt tucked in the sofa cushions (trying to find my crayons gave me fortune). And by the time summer had started, I could finally buy myself a cheap makeup kit.

The glossy paper of the Avon magazine still stuck on my thigh, but at least it won’t slip off when I shake the Magic 8 ball.

Should I buy the electric pink lipstick rather than the rich berry pout lip paint? Without a doubt.

Do you think I should buy the liquid foundation rather than the powdered? Don’t count on it.

I think the SuperExtend Winged Out mascara fits me, what do you think? Yes.

Is the Plum Pop blush better than the Heavenly Pink? You may rely on it.

Do you think the Desert Sunset Palette makes my eyes pop better than the Tranquility Palette? Cannot predict now. (I’m going to go for Tranquility Palette)

How about Glimmersticks Waterproof eyeliner over Kohl eyeliner? Outlook not so good.

If I were to talk to myself 3 months prior to the Event, I’d say, “Indeed, outlook not so good.”

But I didn’t know that, of course. All I knew was I was going to tell the Avon lady that it’s my grandmother who’s ordering the makeup, and that I’ll probably learn the process of beautifying myself when she prepares herself for Bingo night – which takes about 20 minutes long, and that’s for someone who’s been using makeup all their life.

She applies the foundation first, making sure it’s applied to every inch of the face; then, she sucks her cheeks in like a fish as she applies the blush forwards and backwards; the mascara comes next, but before she unknowingly drops her jaw as she applies on the top eyelash, she curls them first; she, then, paints her lips with aubergine, wiping the excess off with a finger; and lastly, she draws around her eyelids with the eyeliner, flawlessly. She doesn’t do her eyebrows because they’re shaped perfectly even though they’re thick as the dog’s hair.

I also learned lipsticks fade away fast and that every time a number in one of her cards gets called, she must reapply to maintain that aubergine glow. (Note: Plump lips after (re)applying).

By the time my makeup arrived, I immediately locked myself in my room and faced the mirror with my kit beside me. I stuck my Kunis-Jolie collage in the mirror’s frame and began removing the plastic and packaging of the makeup. It was then that I realized I didn’t have any brushes. Thankfully, my grandmother did. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind me borrowing it for a while. I started repeating the steps my grandmother and the makeup artists I saw on TV did.

The summer heat made it feel like my makeup was melting. Somehow, I felt like a Barbie doll whose plastic face is being melted in the microwave. Because of this, I kept reapplying the foundation and lipstick.

Caked, that’s what you’d call me.

This went on the whole summer.

Coincidentally, when the school bus arrived to pick me up for my first day, I started itching. As I stepped inside, carrying my makeup kit in my small backpack, I saw Allison’s eyes in the back row. Her stare felt like I accidentally closed my eyes while applying the mascara.

Another thing that bothered me about Allison was that yes, she was mean, but she was as pretty as the kids in the children’s section in Avon. I don’t need a Magic 8 ball to tell me that. Thankfully, today was going to be the day I prove to her that I am not an ugly maggot who smelled like feces.

I am a sunflower who smells like Versace Bright Crystal Eau De Toilette.

Or so I thought.

“Hey snot-face,” Allison hissed with her head dipped into my row.

That’s new, I thought.

I got my makeup kit out and started powdering myself with foundation. I can’t afford to have her spit ruining my beauty this time. It’ll give me acne, I learned.

“What’s that you got there, huh?” She looked at the compact as I put it back inside. “Something to get rid of your stench?” She laughed to herself. I’m surprised she didn’t snatch it.

The process continued. I apply makeup; she insults me.

Itching. Itching. Itching.

It got as far to applying eyeliner. But there was something in what she said that made me fight back.

“You can apply makeup as much as you want, but you will never be beautiful.” Allison whispered so close to my ear, I felt her breath moist my earlobe. “You hear me? You will never be beautiful. You will always be an ugly—”

“You speak like that like you know what beauty is. You may be prettier than me, but we both know who’s really the ugly maggot. Your insides reeks of feces, Allison.” I looked her straight in the eye before batting away my mascara’d eyelashes. I continued outlining my eye.

Then it happened.

I was using the eyeliner on the bottom lid of my eye when Allison, out of anger, pushed me too hard on the head, making my hand hit the seat in front of me and shove the eyeliner into my eye.

Outlook not so good.

There was a flash of light the moment it happened, like when you turn off the TV and the program shrinks abruptly to a black screen. It felt as if someone was drilling a hole in my skull through my eye, then tried to gouge it out with an ice cream scooper. I was the TV channel being turned off, falling into what seemed like a hole of darkness, and finally being consumed by it as I heard Allison’s piercing scream.

A few days later after I went home with an eye gauze and bandage, I found out that Allison was afraid of popping balloons.

Maybe she thought of my eye as a small balloon and it popped when she pushed me…

Must’ve been a sight.

This was years ago.

Allison Boulder transferred schools after that school year, though while she hadn’t, she remained quiet in her bus seat and kept her saliva to herself. She never apologized nor talked to me again; she simply pretended that the girl with a torn iris didn’t exist.

Likewise, when she left, I never heard of her again and so, I pretended that she wasn’t real. Though it was hard, because every time I look in the mirror and see my pupil poured over my iris like an overflowing teacup, I start to itch.

“What happened to your eye?” they would ask.

Ask again later.

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careerbitespod · 3 years

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Episode 8 Transcript: (DIGITAL ARTIST) Growing Into Your Career with Kenwood Huh

Rachael Barksdale: Welcome to Career Bites, where we make career exploration easy - and fun! My guest this week is Kenwood Huh, a technical artist at Infuse Medical, a digital production agency. Career-wise, Kenwood is a self-proclaimed generalist - and rightly so. He has experience as a concept artist, character artist - 2D, 3D, you name it he’s probably done it. But as talented and ambitious as he is, Kenwood is not a cutthroat kind of guy. His career journey is best described as organic - a term Kenwood uses to describe his artistic process as well. I think Kenwood’s story is a message of hope for those who feel lost, and for all those creatives looking to find their voice. Here’s Kenwood to share more about what he does.

Kenwood Huh: My job is to take the concept or the storyboard, and make it real. So, when I say make it real, I mean, this is going to be the end product. This is what you’re going to be seeing on the screen. Like for example, in the gaming industry, in the very beginning part of the pipeline you have the concept artists, or the storyboarders, or the writers. A concept artist is, like, a problem solver for the look and feel of the project, whose job is to make it as clear as possible for everyone else in the production pipeline. I mention problem solving as, like, a key phrase because I think a common misconception a lot of student have is that they just want to make things look pretty, but that’s not really the case. It’s like the concept artist’s job is to explore the possibilities that addresses the brief of the project, and ultimately creates a blueprint of the overall aesthetic of the project. A 3D artist will take that blueprint that the concept artist made, and they try to make the design come alive. And that ultimately becomes part of the end product, what you see on the screen. So this is basically what I do, mostly. In my experience I’ve been primarily a 3D artist.

Rachael: That sounds like the more fun part, to be honest.

Kenwood: Yes! Yeah, I think there’s a little bit less stress involved, I think, for 3D artists - in some ways. I think the concept artists, they have a bigger responsibility in some ways.

Rachael: Right, they set the tone for everything so they can’t mess it up.

Kenwood: Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Rachael: What are some of the software, or tools, or skills that you use to accomplish those tasks to bring the art to life?

Kenwood: A common software that we use is called Maya. Maya is a very...you can do a little bit of everything in Maya. It’s a tool where you can model as well as rig and animate. ZBrush is another software that I use. ZBrush is really useful for sculpting organic things, as well as actually hard surface kind of things as well. Those two are the main software that I would say I use on a day-to-day basis.

Rachael: What was that path like for you to become a 3D artist? I guess, kind of, walk us through a little bit about the thought process behind choosing this career path.

Kenwood: This actually happened very organically for me. I wasn’t, like, one of those kids that just grew up and just suddenly thought, “oh yeah, I want to work in animation or work in gaming”. I never thought that way. It just kind of happened through a series of decisions. So for example, I remember when I was, like, 10, my brother got a present from my dad - I think it was, like, a disposable camera. And he didn’t give me one, I don’t know why. But, anyways, I was kind of - I was a little bit envious of him. And I figured, you know what, I don’t have a camera, but I’m going to pretend that I have a camera. So I used to just, kind of, walk around with my hand and kind of pretend like I had this camera. And I would just look at things from, like, a different angle. So - I don’t know - I was probably, like, a crazy kid. Or somebody must have observed that and was like, “what are you doing?” But, I don’t know, I just thought everything had beauty. For some reason I was like, “oh, if I just lie down on the floor and look at this lamp it looks really cool. So I started to, kind of, form that habit of just observing things in general, and just seeing the beauty of everything. Eventually, I got myself a camera and I just started taking pictures of everything and anything. And I think that’s where it really started, where my passion for art really started. So I’m actually, kind of, grateful for that because it helped me to observe things - observe nature - before I just start create things. And I think that’s really important when you’re an artist. After doing that for years, I eventually had a little bit of a career as a photographer in a studio. So I just used to take photos of products and clothing, and things like that. Somewhere along the line I decided to just start drawing things as well. And because I had that background of just observing things and seeing things, it kind of helped me to naturally transition into the field that I am in today.

Rachael: Okay, listeners, so it’s at this point in the conversation that Kenwood and I start talking about his education and realize that the education section of his LinkedIn profile is very misleading. Hilarity ensued, but let’s skip all that and get to the good part. So let’s talk a little bit about some of these, like, education...detours. It seems like it’s a little bit of a windy path to get to that.

Kenwood: Yes.

Rachael: Do you want to just talk a little bit about how that was for you, and how you ultimately ended up with your animation degree?

Kenwood: When I first went into college, my parents were still somewhat hesitant about supporting my art passions, understandably. You know, a lot of people say, like, “you’re never going to get a job as an artist. You’re never going to make a living”. So they kind of wanted me to pursue something more in the science realm. So I ended up studying computer science at first. And I remember my first year, one of the first assignments that we had was to make a little Tetris game. I remember making it, but I also remember making it as pretty as possible. And I remember when the professors are, kind of, looking through all the assignments they were kind of surprised at what I had made because it was a little bit over the top. It was very pretty, very colorful, and I just tried to make it as cool as possible. I think someone mentioned something, that “hey, I think you’re more of an artist than a programmer”. And it resonated with me and I thought that was kind of true. So I decided “maybe - maybe computer science isn’t my thing, maybe I should do something else”. So that’s when I pursued fine arts. I studied fine arts for about two years. I applied for a somewhat prestigious art school. I believe they only picked - I think it was, like, 100 people a year, or something. But I attempted it. I gathered up, like, a portfolio. And at the time, the only real artistic thing that I knew how to do was photography. And I somehow got in. So that was a huge indicator to my parents, that, “ok, maybe this is the path that he should be taking”. And they supported me from that point onwards. Now, one thing that I didn’t really enjoy about being in the fine art field was that I thought it was...confusing. I feel like I might offend a lot of people by saying that about contemporary art. But I felt like whatever I made, it was very subjective. It - it just felt like it wasn’t my thing, for some reason. And I actually decided to drop out of college. Now I remember during my schooling, a - as a fine art student, I - I was very good at what I did. And the things that I tended to gravitate towards was - I used to make these interactive, kind of, installation art. For example I used to take old games - old RPG games or old Nintendo games - and I’ll, kind of, hack it and I’ll create an art piece out of it. And I really enjoyed seeing the audience’s reaction as they’re playing with these interactive toys that I had created. So I think there was something about that that I really enjoyed, something about me telling some sort of story, or me giving this experience, and then the audience suddenly being enlightened by it. They’re kind of feeling this sense of wonderment by it. That has always, kind of, stuck with me. I think that feeling of giving something to the world, and then having someone experience that and be transformed, I think that’s, like, really cool for me. And after I dropped out of college, I actually thought “maybe I try to just pursue this full time. Maybe I’ll just start creating these little toys”. And that was crazy. I don’t even know why I thought that would work, but, like, at the time, I made a crazy decision to drop everything I had and - in my life in New Zealand - and fly over to America with about 200 dollars in my pocket, and I decided to just do something, to pursue my dream or something. It was very ambiguous at the time.

Rachael: Oh my gosh - how old were you?

Kenwood: I think I was about 23. I think? 22 or 23.

Rachael: Oh my goodness, that was so brave. And so dumb!

Kenwood: It was really dumb! I had no money and I was like, “yeah, I’m going to live the American Dream with this little skill that I have now”. I think I spent another three, four years just being outside of college. Actually, like - ugh - a lot of unfortunate things happened during that time. We had some family-related issues. And it was really devastating, actually. So during that time I think I was very much lost in my direction, and I didn’t really know what I really wanted to do. After about three to four years of struggling like that, eventually there came a point where I had an opportunity to start living a normal life again. I had grown up a little bit, and I decided “let’s try this”. You know, I was playing with - before I left college, I remembered I was making those little toys that I made out of old video games. So I decided, “why don’t I try studying animation and game development?” So that’s what I did. I took a survey of animation class, which is basically, like, a filtering class. That’s where you get a little taste of what animation is like, but it’s also a class where they, kind of, filter people out. If you’re not good enough, you’re just not going to make it, you’re not going to get in. I remember taking that class and I was feeling quite overwhelmed, to be honest. Like I said, I never really had a dream to do that as a child. So I always felt like, when I was there, like everybody else was, kind of, ahead of me. And in a way, that was true because the first time I took that class, I actually didn’t get in. I thought “maybe - maybe this isn’t it”. But I didn’t really know what else to do, so I just tried it again next semester. And on - on the next semester, thankfully, I somehow was able to get in. After going through that program, I found out that there were some things that I was, kind of, naturally talented at. So I just kept pursuing those skills, and it’s paid off in the end.

Rachael: Well it - it looks like you won a college television emmy award?

Kenwood: Yes, that is true, yes.

Rachael: Oh, oh cool! For what kind of project?

Kenwood: It was for a final capstone animation project. It’s a short film that we do as a group. There’s a little story about that actually. Before I had applied to UVU, BYU had originally offered me a talent scholarship. But they ended up rejecting me. It was just something stupid to do with - I think because I was, like, a transfer student or something, and I had too many credits. So BYU’s kind of known for receiving a college emmy award every year. And that was, like, the first year that UVU had won something, and BYU didn’t win that award. So…

Rachael: Oh my goodness…

Kenwood: So it was kind of like, “okay, you guys rejected me, and look what happened”. But by the end of the day, that told me that it wasn’t the school - it’s not the school that does it, you know? It’s - it’s the individuals and the group that really creates the product.

Rachael: Well that’s an excellent point - I think a lot of people would look at BYU’s track record with that award and say “oh, well, they have an amazing program”, but I think it’s more “they know how to pick talent and they can attract talent”. Just like they wanted you to be at their school, but because of their - their red tape, or their guidelines, or whatever, they couldn’t technically bring you on, so…

Kenwood: Yeah.

Rachael: Sucks to be them!

Kenwood: Yep!

Rachael: I don’t remember if we recorded this part, when you talked about some of the projects that you worked on, but give us just a little bit of a history of what different projects and companies you’ve worked for - because you’ve, kind of, run the gambit of different types of animation. And then, maybe do you have a favorite one that you’ve done or are currently doing?

Kenwood: So I started my career as an intern at a local VFX company. They owned 50 percent of this one original Stan Lee I.P. They wanted to make, like, a video game for it. I worked on that as a concept artist as well as a 3D modeler. And eventually that VFX company partnered with this other company, and it was, like, a start-up animation company. And eventually I was brought on to that as an art director. Something that’s bound to happen sometimes for a lot of artists going into this field, is that sometimes projects don’t always turn out the way you want it. It could be due to reasons like funding, or just poor management, or something. Unfortunately for me, I kind of started my career that way. And e- even though it was a great experience - I got to work with a lot of big names like John Rhys Davies and Larry King, they were voice actors for the animation that we were doing - that project, unfortunately, never came to fruition. But I am still proud of the work that we did because I thought it was really great, really ambitious, and the environments and the characters that we had made was really amazing. And ultimately that helped me to build a portfolio to have other jobs as well. So I went from that to eventually working for WB Games at Warner Brothers. I worked there as a character artist and we worked on Hogwarts Legacy, which is yet to be out. And I am still very proud of that project, even though it’s not completely out yet, but I am still very proud of what we’ve been able to make so far.

Rachael: Talk to us a little bit about what you’re currently doing and the role of a technical artist.

Kenwood: You could also say that I’m a bit of a generalist, meaning that I do a little bit of everything in the pipeline. So working in the medical industry, right now, I wear a lot of hats. But the thing that I love about that is that I get a little bit more sense of ownership. For example, when I was working for a bigger company, like WB, you really just have one role as a character artist. And even as a character artist, your contribution is still somewhat limited because there’s multiple character artists, and everybody has, like, a set role. So, it’s cool to be part of, like, a big project like that. You know, you’re doing something that’s bigger than yourself. But I guess currently where I’m at I get to make pretty much everything from start to finish. So what you see on the screen - you know, all the animation, and the modeling, and the texture, and the lighting - you get to do all of that. So I think it’s a really great job to, kind of, make sure that you don’t go rusty, and you have a little bit more say, I guess.

Rachael: What would you say is probably the most difficult part about being an artist, and maybe the types of companies or projects that are the most demanding?

Kenwood: I think one of the biggest challenges comes down to communication, because, for example, as a concept artist you have to be very clear about your design, otherwise you have to keep going back and forth with the 3D artists. And I think it’s the same for the 3D artists and how we interpret a design as well. So sometimes that can be pretty challenging. And I think, also, another aspect that maybe people don’t touch on too much is making sure that you’re just not overdoing it. I think sometimes, as creatives, it is important to also do work that is outside of work to make sure that you’re keeping that passion alive. But sometimes, because it is in a work setting, you can let that stress ruin that passion if you’re not careful. So I think managing that stress is also pretty challenging.

Rachael: Right, you were saying 60, 70 hours work weeks when you were working at WB Games sometimes?

Kenwood: Yeah, right. When I was there, I went through several crunch times and, you know, you’re there pretty much all day until the job is done. These are the things that maybe a lot of students might not be aware of, but it does exist. Still, I wouldn’t let that ever be, like, an obstacle if that is your dream, you know? It’s still amazing to be part of something like that. And to me, working on the Harry Potter I.P. was a dream of mine. And that was a dream fulfilled, just being there, and I still enjoyed every moment of it. And I learned a lot from it too.

Rachael: Speaking of things that you enjoy, you mentioned that it’s important for artists to work on their own projects and keep the passion for what they do alive outside of work, so talk a little bit about what goals you have for your own personal artwork.

Kenwood: Like I said earlier on, I like to let things happen somewhat organically. I don’t like to force things to happen. And my entire journey as an artist has been that way. Like, I never chose to be in this field. I kind of did, but in a way I didn’t. Like, there was a lot of influences that, kind of, led me to those decisions. So I kind of apply the same concept to my own projects, that I do kind of like to let it happen organically. And in a way it’s like a reflection of who I am. I don’t always like to talk about it too much just because - maybe I’m a little bit weird but I treat it as, like, a sacred thing. It’s almost like a journal for me. And I think maybe one day I will, like, publish whatever it is that I’m working on. But, personally, like, I just try to use that to drive me to become a better artist.

Rachael: Okay, so for all of those young artists out there, what would be your one piece of advice for navigating the art world and just growing up in general?

Kenwood: What do you want to say? You know? What kind of legacy are you leaving? Like, is your art just pretty for the sake of being pretty, or is it saying more? I think everyone wants to say more. I feel like too many people just, kind of, go into this career thinking that you’ll have this title. It’s like, “oh, I’m a 3D artist” or “I’m a concept artist”. But I think that’s very shallow and it’s really meaningful in some ways. By the end of the day, I think, you study so hard, you work so hard to obtain those skills, and I think one of the most powerful things that you can do with those skills is to be yourself and express yourself. So I think that’s why I was saying that you’ve got to be careful of burnout, and that you should continue to keep that passion alive, because you went into this for a reason, and I think by the end of the day you want to tell a story. You want to say something. In turn, this can help people to be inspired. Or, you know, like when you watch a really good movie, or a really great story, it can transform you, you know? It can help you to have that sense of wonderment and it can help you to escape the craziness and the harshness of life. So I think art does a lot more than just entertain. It can also transform. So, you know, keep that in mind, I think, as you pursue this career. Keep in mind that you can do a lot more than just paint pretty pictures.

Rachael: That was Kenwood Huh, technical artist. Kenwood’s latest big-name project, WB Games’ Hogwarts Legacy, isn’t scheduled to debut until 2022, but check out the trailer by visiting our show notes. Subscribe to and rate Career Bites on your favorite listening platform. Follow us on Instagram and Facebook @careerbitespod. Join us next Monday as we sample another career with an everyday professional.

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