#also had to log into tumblr on my laptop for the first time in YEARS | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lapeaudelamemoire · 7 months

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1. Just logged onto Tumblr on my actual laptop for the first time in a long time. The dashboard looks different and doesn't. I'm liking the low-contrast Tumblr blue colour palette option. It's new and old at the same time. Updated and modern yet nostalgic and recognisable still.

2. Apparently this autosaves now, too. I mean, I guess that's a good thing - no more posts just disappearing after you've spent ages typing and then it just crashes. But I hate the little 'autosave' notification that appears at the bottom of the page while I'm writing; it's distracting.

3. I've been anxious all day. I'm busy as hell, but sometimes just thinking on something and an answer comes up, as if served up simply having been sitting on a conveyor belt, the next most natural, unassuming thought; the way realisations sometimes just visit. Except I don't have time to sit with them or really do all that much more with them; just realise them. So they come like 'regular' thoughts and I recognise them, suddenly big, and then they pass again making way for the next thought, crowded out, but still lingering like an afterimage, I knowing they're there. Sitting on it. Smothering it. The pea under the pillow, mattress, cushion that I am sitting on.

Maybe my first instinct of wanting to hurt myself or die when I'm stressed or feel like I've done something wrong or upset someone is because that is what happened when I was a kid. It's hard just typing this, actually; I sound just like one of my clients. But it's true, and it would explain a lot. Hearing my mum say she wished she'd never had me or caning me with a switch. That was generally the punishment for doing something wrong, or upsetting her. Maybe my wanting to peel my skin off my face like removing a mask or wanting to peel my skin back off my arms when I'm anxious or feel like I've done something wrong or not well enough isn't just because it's a visual representation of what it feels like to me emotionally, but also because physical punishment and pain is what I expect for having committed the sin of being wrong or upsetting someone somehow. Maybe that's why I hear 'Die, die, die!' in my head when I feel overwhelmed. Maybe that's what was sounding in my mum's head when she hit me with the cane. It feels like it could be. How else do you interpret that, really, especially as a child? Even now, as an adult, actually?

The other sticking point for me from and during the conversation with the other student clinician I had this morning was what they said about being concerned about a client having been seeing clinicians at the clinic for over a year and wondering if they were 'dependent' on the clinic, and if they were engaging because they were 'lonely'. Their concern sounded like over a year was too long to be engaging with mental health services. Lawdy, my my. This is the kind of thing psychologists would have been thinking about me as a client, then, most certainly; most definitely.

It really got to me how the mental health model is basically a Fix-It Factory. Get the client to a point where they can be independent and then goodbye, 'independence' being the goal. It's not entirely Wrong, per se, but in my time with my clients on placement I've come to realise - or at least feel - that really, what they're seeking and need is a community. And we are part of that community; we're literally practitioners seeking to provide services to a community, [and] the wider community. That's literally what it says on the clinic bio, and it's absolutely, definitely what it says on my bio, and what I want and aim to do. It's what I'm here for. I'm part of that community, the community. My clients are also part of the community, that community that I'm trying to provide for.

Yes of course the job is to hope that we facilitate people to be able to live their own lives well, and thus to some extent that they won't necessarily 'need' us any more, or rely [solely] on us, rather, but - there's actually nothing wrong and everything right with people seeking out support, from and in [their] community, but even more specifically, the actually studied and designated community counsellors and practitioners of a specific role and job/service, for that specific role/job/service.

Like yes I'm a/we're practitioner[s] in mental health, but I'm a/we're practitioner[s] in mental health within and as part of a community. I'm a mental health service provider, but I'm also a community member. And a fellow community member is coming to chat to me and talk with me about what's going on their lives and the troubles they are having, and - isn't that the most natural thing in the world? Isn't that what a community is for?

I feel like the fucking separation of clean and clear Roles in 'Western' and medicalised societies is a fucking scourge. The way when we say 'relationship[s]' we are often referring to romantic relationships, because that is the most prized and emphasised (outsized) kind of relationship in our amatonormative [also largely here referring to 'Western'] society. If you have troubles, you share them with your friends, family, and romantic partners. You don't share them with your neighbours, and you don't have a concept of a community.

I remember speaking to a client once during what I think turned out to be our last session (before our schedules diverged, not because it was going awfully, at least I don't think), and them noting that they would like to give back to society - which is a common feeling; we all want to feel like we're a member of something bigger, that we're giving back, contributing, a part of something larger than us - and I noted that there was mutual aid, and asked if they knew what that was. They said no. I explained. And they said, they had never thought about community as meaning outside of their family and friends before.

Because we never or at least rarely do, actually. We talk often about 'society' but almost never about 'community'. That seems to be a term reserved largely for parents in locales, probably most thought of like the 'PTA' in 'US' media, or 'Housing Association'-type suburb things, when or if ever spoken about in the mainstream. Else, it's an academic term, an abstracted one that clinics use or companies or businesses or localised organisations specific to a neighbourhood. But we rarely equate 'community' with 'society'. Those seem to be two different beasts.

Talking to my partner and friends is never going to replace going to see a designated, specified, trained and experienced person whose job and role in your life is to aid you in and provide a designated, specific space for you to work through your issues, for that express purpose, and who is separate from your friends and as 'objective' in that regard as possible. A professional.

And so - setting aside for the moment the fact that doing work on yourself takes time, and if you're actually doing Work on yourself that it takes a lot of time - actually, so what if people see mental health services for years? Especially in the world we live in (in this economy? In this society?)?

People are so often in horrible, awful situations for years. Years and years on end, even. And even just a moment of trauma can take years to address.

If someone is lonely g-damn yes please of course come talk to us, that's what we're here for. As part of your community, as part of literally providing mental health services. Go at your own pace. Finding friends is hard. Keeping in touch with friends is hard. Maintaining social connections is hard, especially when and/or if that's something you struggle with. If someone is lonely and I can help them be less lonely by providing them the service literally called 'talk therapy' then damn yeah what's the issue here??? And at a community clinic that doesn't charge a fee? That's literally what it's there for. To help. And if someone wants to pay at a clinic to talk to someone because they're lonely then yeah??? That's their choice.

Which also tangentially enough brings me to the fact that people are lonely in our isolating society, see again above about segregation of types of relationships that are 'allowed' or seen as 'normal' and 'expected' and what isn't; and also, there are plenty other professions where people pay for companionship, whether it's sex workers, host/hostess clubs, escort services, or so on. And actually, also, that those professions are often looked down upon. Fuck the nuclear family puritanist WASPy uptightness, honestly.

And then, of course - it's actually not uncommon for people to see a therapist for years. It does take that long to work on things. And mental health practitioners are themselves required to maintain supervision while practicing. What else is that if not similar?

In a community, what one might really think of as a community, or at least in my imagining, there is someone (or someones, even a group) designated who is turned to by members in the community when they meet trouble. An elder, tribal chief, shaman, healer, oracle, doctor. A pastor, or priest, even. And people in that community go to them throughout their life. There is no thought that goes 'Are they independent if they're coming to see the healer/priest/doctor repeatedly, or even regularly?'.

///

It's tiring looking at everything all the time. Actually, it wouldn't surprise me now, in this day and age, living in the times we live in, understanding the idea that if there was a singular, omniscient G-d, that they might have walked away. Imagine seeing everything all the time. Hearing everything all the time. We see and hear not even Everything individually in this digital age, but one might argue we already see and hear beyond the limit of which we can process things. (And sure, you could argue that G-d is different because they're G-d, but then generally when referring to G-d people are talking about the one whom they also say 'we were made in the image of', so.)

Posts about Palestine. Ads about the V referendum in "Aus". I click on someone's blog on Tumblr on my phone and as I look through their posts there's a sponsored ad for it saying 'Vote Yes'. My SoundCloud stops and I restart the track. It moves to an ad reminder about the referendum. It's been playing for over the last month at least now between tracks switching. I hear it at least once every day I use the app. I go into the city and there are posters and flyers for it everywhere. I pass by houses and apartments and cars that have 'Yes' stickers and posters and flyers pasted up everywhere. More posts about something in the 'US'. Posts about politics in the UK. (These are all colonial/-occupied centres, as one might notice.) Mutual aid posts. Posts about death and assaults and a litany of the rest of all of it.

If there is an omniscient G-d, they must not have a very good time, being the ultimate witness to all (and that's not even counting the probably sensory overload).

Everything clawing for my attention is like a pair of jagged claws scrabbling at my mind, tearing it into ragged edges like strips of cloth you might see become of the bottom of some ghoul's black robe. And I'm sure I'm not the only one.

////

Suddenly my shoulders have dropped, at some point where I'd stopped noticing while writing. I forgot that this is why I'd wanted to speak.

Not to someone, actually - but to this blank page.

I go with my thoughts; to write them out I must discern them, to discern them I must hold them in my view. I ride them and ride them out of my mind and onto the page and then - all this space. Suddenly I am in my body again and not full to the brim with thoughts behind my eyes.

Ah space, you wonderful thing. Empty page, you who receives of me. I speak in my head and hear myself. Turn the thoughts over in my mind. Like leaves of a page a book. I handle them, like leaves from the Destiny Tree.

#personal

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cinnamonwolfy · 10 months

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modern gui development...

this is a bit of an opinion post, so please keep that in mind :3

so, i logged back into twitter to see what i had missed (i don't post anything there anymore, and the times i do, it's just to link my tumblr x3), and i saw that the epic games launcher was an unreal engine application... the fact that somebody thought that was a good idea scares me, especially since electron is right there.

anyways, it got me thinking about how unnecessarily bloated and inefficient all of these cross-platform, non-native solutions were. chromium embedded framework is just chromium, but now there's no tabs. electron is just cef, but it's now bundled with a node.js runtime. these are all full copies of chromium modified to not let you use tabs, the core of them remains unmodified. this means that a bunch of rendering cruft is left behind, making them have to do unnecessary checks in the parser and renderer (nobody uses the marquee tag anymore, especially professionally made applications, and yet there's still support for it in chrome).

there's a lot of legacy cruft which is necessary for a browser, but not for a native application. these repackaged web apps were already inefficient since they were basically being put through a gigantic interpreter, but the interpreter itself is also very inefficient, which ends up in apps absolutely choking on older devices ("just upgrade", try telling that to the 14-year-old in a poor neighborhood in colombia that wants to run discord so that he can learn how to write mods for his pirated copy of gta san andreas that runs on a secondhand core 2 duo laptop he got from his parents after they upgraded to a first gen core i3 laptop. yes, i know this person irl, they're one of my cousins).

while i personally believe that you should do your best to make native applications instead of these webapp repackages, i understand why they're done (to put it short: capitalism). i just think that these projects should put more effort into making them less resource intensive. the rendering engine should be paired down to only support html5, v8 should be replaced with ruby and all javascript should be transpiled into ruby (javascript is not a good language for any of this anyway).

i consider this more of a temporary fix rather than the actual solution. the actual solution would be to make a good gui toolkit that is cross-platform, but also manages to look good and doesn't make it so that your computer has a heart attack every single time you run any application that uses it. however, that is very difficult, especially when windows is involved (win32 murders any and all codebases that touch it). while i plan to fix the issues the linux gui space has with pltk, pltk will never get an officially supported release to windows, so it won't ever truly be cross-platform.

this one was quite the long post, but i mean, that's kinda what tumblr is for x3

#gui programming #opinion post #cinnamonwolfy #pl32 #programming #this is my opinion as an embedded software developer #i may have gotten things wrong here

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ticklishdreams · 1 year

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I'm back!!

I lost access to this blog last November, but today I finally got it back & I'm so happy! I'd been logged into this account on one specific laptop for pretty much the entire 10 years I've had it. Of course I also used a burner email account that I made as a teenager and had no idea how to log back into. So when my computer suddenly decided to log me out of tumblr after a decade, I thought I'd lost this blog forever.

I'm not gonna lie, I was really sad about losing this little safe space I've had for such a long time. Luckily, tumblr support was able to help me out and I'm logging back in for the first time in months!

I pretty much only ever fill my queue up with reblogs and qiuetly appreciate everyone else's contributions to the community though, so it's likely that nobody noticed I was gone. But that's okay, I'm just so happy right now that I needed to make a post (something I never do, hehe).

I missed you <3

#personal

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taegularities · 2 years

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Tales of broken hearts - my live thoughts and reactions while reading.

I hope you enjoy seeing the kind of pain you put me through, I still feel emotional and I’ve finished it now. I’m scarred.

“Baby.” He mutters your name, looking at you attentively and cupping your face in his careful hands. Your eyes meet his shimmering ones, the affection and daze piercing your heart like razor spikes; you struggle to focus. “My love.”

By the time I got to this I was gone.

Without any other idea in his mind, he kisses you again before he backs away. “Don’t cry, yeah? Please don’t cry. It’s okay, love. It’s alright.”

I actually can’t do this. My heart is breaking. They can do what they want, if they want each other they can find a way to make it work. Like damn, fuck all that other shit that doesn’t even make you happy. I wanna scream at them (her).

That has the be the saddest sex I’ve ever read or seen or experienced. At this point of the story, I’m praying this goes in a happy direction for them or I’m just gonna be sad for god knows how long.

Letting out the words he kept inside seems hard. But when he manages to find his voice again, so lost in you, you hold your breath and feel your heart skip a beat or two; and then, he whispers, “I love you. So, so much.”

Listen, you have to stop. I’m going to cry my eyes out.

Like that one afternoon when he comes home early, taking off his jacket and shirt before he wraps his arms around you from behind. You’re standing at his desk, the tip of a pen on your lips as you stare at the documents scattered on the table.

The domesticity I can’t cope. I can picture them old and still happy. She better leave and come back. Or he goes eventually, something I actually need them to stay together. I’m suffering more over their relationship than over my failed one 😂😂

When you don’t answer, he lets out a deep exhale, his hands wandering up to settle on your hips, squeezing lightly. His usually shiny eyes are desperate now, drenched in the ache he doesn’t deserve, and his voice is quiet but clear when he asks, “Are you… you’re really going to leave?”

I’m not saying you should leave your career for love you can find a compromise. But your job is forcing you to marry some rando? Come on is that worth it??? She knows just money won’t bring her happiness.

There won’t be any happiness where you’re going.”

Literally!!!

2 Winters Later

I’m actually kicking my couch, this is the definition of slow burn.

I’m going to be walking around with the hurt I felt reading this from now on.

AHHHH i didn't see this ask until i logged into tumblr on my laptop wtf !! first of all, live commentary? this is so freaking awesome, i live for that 🥺 haaaaa ugh i'm still scarred, too... and i wrote it over a year ago – the pain just never fades 🥲

oh yeah, this was also definitely the saddest sex scene i've ever written.. i was leaking from everywhere LMAO. no but in all honesty, love always finds a way when it's a good one. glad that i could provide the happy ending u prayed for !! 🥺 and yes, the domesticity was 100% intentional, bcos i wanted to show how things could/would be between them if they worked out. writing about how they had to let go again afterwards hurt so much :')

the failed relationship bit djsjehdh FELT 😭 u and tae had the same opinion !! then again, a job secures u survival in a way love wouldn't have if she'd chosen tae over her work... and in the end, i'm just happy they were able to find a compromise – tae worked so damn hard for it :((

and aahh i know i'm answering this ask so late, so i hope some of the pain subsided hehe u're literally so cute 🥺 thank u so much for reading and leaving this message, u don't know what it means to me 😭😭🤍🤍

#srsly 🥺🥺#fic: tales of broken hearts #notes for rid 🌹#quarter-life-crisis2

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anywaysitsemily · 2 years

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00:57 23/06/22

I’ve been wanting to write recently, it’s weird but I like the feel of typing on my laptop, that’s probably something I shouldn’t say out loud as it sounds weird but I’m kinda curious if anyone can relate to that. I don’t know what to write about, I’ve not written in a very long, anything of value anyway. I’ve been getting into reading again recently and just loved the idea of publishing something people could read but I never have the ideas or the correct wording and grammar to put out into the world in a form that people would enjoy- so I decided why not just write how I’m feeling on a blog and I didn’t really know where to do this but Tumblr seems like a pretty cool place, so I logged back into my old account and well, I’ve started writing.

I haven’t been very well recently, probably covid but fingers crossed its not. I have a wedding to photograph on Saturday so I’m hoping I will feel better by then but obvs I will make sure to do a test before hand. I’m super nervous about it, I photographed a wedding a very long time ago and hated it. The stress was too much for me but right now... I was desperate for money and it was for a friends relative and I wanted to capture their happiest moment even if I’m not very good (they must have thought I was to ask me). Oh, I have something good to talk about for once, I GOT A NEW JOB! I won’t say its a dream job but it seems pretty up there from the interview. Everyone seemed so lovely and they told me all about the benefits of working for them and what the office is like and it just seemed like a dream, I really hope I do well. I was sad as I had an interview last week and got declined and I really had my hopes for it but I believe everything happens for a reason and maybe the reason I didn’t get this job is because there is something better for me out there. I know a lot of that rubbish could be fake and just something I tell myself but saying everything happens for a reason kind of gives me a bit of comfort and well I appreciate that.

I’ve also been playing minecraft today, I haven’t played it in almost a year and SOOOO MUCH has changed, I have no idea what is going on anymore. I just wanted to mine for some iron and bruh, wtf, why do I have to smelt the raw iron to get iron, I mean that makes sense in realistic terms but god you just made my life so much harder mojang! Or microsoft, I have no idea who owns what anymore.

I know nobody will read this but I’m really enjoying just kind of writing. I am wanting to get some hobbies, I am thinking of doing streaming as I love talking to people and playing games and making friends so I’m thinking maybe I should start streaming on twitch or even youtube, I don’t mind, either is fine, I just want to build a nice community that talks and helps each other. I don’t care about money or anything like that, I have a job for that reason, I think it would just let me feel a bit more creative and that is something I appreciate.

Anyways, I’m done writing for now I think. This is my first ever time writing a blog on this account, kinda mad, since I’ve had it so long. Is this what tumblr is for? I really don’t know. If you actually read this then hi and thanks. Follow me for more I guess? I’m not sure how this works but thanks for reading. Okay bye!

xoxo Emily

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kelpiemomma · 1 year

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thank you @forgersfeline for asking for my warrior cat lore :) i logged off my backup tumblr to log onto my main tumblr on my laptop just to answer this.

OKAY SO. info under the read more!!!

Due to Circumstances (dead laptop) I don’t have all my old art, but THIS is my beloved baby leader, Duskstar

Many many moons ago I was part of a Feral Heart roleplay called Divination. It was kind of a rekindle of 2 other roleplays created by the same person, the first of which was the first iteration of Duskstar. Because I was an edgy teen on her own for the first time, she was a small cat who was abused by her mentor before poisoning him in the very first roleplay. She went through two other mentors (in-game characters) who perished, not at her paws, before becoming the apprentice to the clan’s leader, whom she eventually saw as a father figure. Her closest friend was a warrior, and his brother was also a friend of hers though they argued a lot. First RP iteration died, was reborn, the second died, and then there was Divination. Dusk went through a bit of hell in Divination :) She helped train two other apprentices, watched her father figure die saving her from his biological son, got attacked by a different clan and severely scarred (face scar), became deputy at a young age due to lack of available warriors (ie players), became leader not long after bc the leader got sick and stepped down? (player had to step away), she ended up training like three other apprentices at one time, I think she killed another cat... baby girl went through a lot and when Divination died I loved her too much to let her go ♥

Duskstar is very young, very small, but very determined and a little bloodthirsty in defense of her clan. She has gotten her claws dirty from a young age and is willing to do anything to get her clan back to the power it once had.

Then there is my beloved bastard, Snagglefang

Another Feral Heart original, Snagglefang never really got into any active RPs. He became more active once I moved back to deviantART, however I won’t go into details of the rp that made him active because the people that ran it were, to put it lightly, massive pieces of shit. That’s a story in its own that has me, sitting here, pissed off and ready to fight. ANYWAY. Snaggle is like the precursor to Khan. He’s big, he’s scarred, he’s pissed off. Again, his original history was that his mentor abused him bc I was an edgy teen. He was neglected by his father because his birth caused his mother’s death. He’s big, aggressive, and loves to fight.

He is Dusk’s temporary deputy, one of her closest confidants, and her crush (though he doesn’t know it and she pretends it doesnt exist). He’s very happy to be a tank, and enforcer, and to not have to think too deeply or hard on things. Not that he’s stupid, though he’s not quite as clever as Dusk, but he likes simplicity after everything.

They are essentially what kicked off my personal lore due to a (now deleted :C ) youtube video that was an enemies-to-lovers playlist. I was listening to it and was like, wow, this would really fit dusk and snaggle if they were in the same clan and...

lol. oops.

SO.

There’s honestly so much I haven’t done bc my laptop died, BUT

Due to circumstances, they are re-founding their old clan and calling it DawnClan. Duskstar is barely two years old, just a little older than Snagglefang (she’s renamed him Blacklion for reasons), and while she still feels unprepared to be leader she is fumbling through it as best she can.

Their region believes in the Three Beyond rather than StarClan. There is the Above Beyond, where those who did notably good deeds end up. There is the Between Beyond, where the majority of cats who lived average lives end up. And then there is the Below Beyond, where the assholes, murderers, etc of the clans end up. You can have killed someone and still end up in the Between if it was an accident, in battle, etc. It allows for more nuanced judging, and the ghosts of cats can move between the Beyonds. All three are known and referenced (one might say “Above bless you” when they’re giving thanks, or “i just want to go Between” when they’re tired, and “Below take you!” when they’re absolutely livid) by all clans.

There are at least two other clans who are not yet named, but who have been encroaching into DawnClan territory. DawnClan suffered from poor leadership as well as a severe epidemic that cut their clan numbers into less than half. Because they failed to be able to properly patrol their territory, attending gatherings, and hunt due to lack of warriors, the other clans began encroaching into DawnClan territory. Since the clan has began recovering health, Duskstar is now pushing those boundaries back and has said they will recover their territory at any means necessary.

Dusk has acknowledged to her clan that due to their low numbers, outsiders are currently allowed to join. Her own former apprentice, now warrior, and another close confidant is a cat that Dusk herself found half-starved as the sickness began leaving the clan. Said cat is called Amberwolf and started her life out as a pedigree housecat. Snaggle/Black’s crush is another former-loner named Lilyfrost, who came from a clan far far away. He suffered severe burns and brought along his very young kit, whom he named Lionkit after Blacklion. Black thinks Lily is beautiful (and he is) and Dusk lowkey hates Lily for taking Black’s attention off of her, she’s never had to deal with jealousy and is still young and handling things poorly.

Battles are frequent due to the border issue, however after the sickness left the camp Duskstar relocated the clan. Their new camp has yet to be discovered and therefore can’t be ambushed or attacked, and she keeps a small patrol around the old camp so that if it gets attacked, they can defend it while sending a runner to the new camp to let them know of the attack.

Though Dusk is small, their clan numbers are small, and clan tensions have always been high and tenuous, Duskstar holds herself with as much pride and leadership as she can muster during gatherings. She holds her tongue, bides her time, and subtly threatens the other leaders just as they do her. It’s quickly becoming recognized that although her clan and territory may be small and weak, they are discovering ways to reinforce what strength they have and fight back.

#the urge to talk about my OCs is so strong #warrior cat ocs #warriors oc #duskstar #snagglefang #blacklion #amberwolf #ASK ME MORE ASK ME MORE ASK ME MORE #I LOVE TALKING ABOUT THEM!!!#though dusk and snaggle both have severely fucked up histories

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screamsinsilver · 2 years

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a summary of nortrell/mandinha over the first two months of 2022

(a followup from this)

they go to dubai and spend a month there, with friends (oliver, connor, tom, jakob, savannah, jennie, andrea, etc.)

they celebrate new years together (i am not linking everyone's celebration tiktoks)

lando goes public with luisa, max is one of the first to like the post

they do a lot of golfing in dubai, at various courses, with various combinations of people

max, lando, tom, jakob, etc. go karting at the dubai autodrome with the ln karts. luisa spends the day shopping with sav and jennie

max does his first stream of the year. it's golf, and it's luisa's twitch 'debut'. lando's pissed because there are weirdos in chat and the game isn't going his way. the two of them bicker over clothes

lando posts an instagram story, known to the community as the breakfast for three incident (fun fact! i had literally just woken up, logged into tumblr and experienced my dash in shambles that day it was 'fun')

the incident confirms that the three of them shared a hotel suite in dubai

tom confirms on stream that lando, max and luisa were the only ones from the group to stay in dubai

max does his second stream, another golf one, but this time with lando and aiden (the kid he coached in f4). lando is pissed because the game isn't going his way. (the stream is also conveniently timed so that younger fans (derogatory) miss it because they are in school)

(ok, i didn't document most of dubai) other activites participated in over the trip included padel, minigolf, dune buggying, beach days, jetskiing, ukno, typical dubai holiday activities, and also the dubai 24 hours

they all leave dubai to return to their respective countries

a few days into living in monaco, lando's in the uk for mclaren work

they play some golf

max sets up his pc in his room, and the two of them spend time playing halo (lando from the mtc)

max confirms a stream via social media for the next day.

max also hops on lando's flight that evening to monaco, with the intent to stream from lando's pc

he streams from monaco, but it's from a laptop instead - lando decided he wanted to play halo 5 minutes before max was supposed to go live. he streams from a laptop and his setup is... bad (i am a gamer/computer... person and i hated it), when the technical issues subside, he talks ideas for lando's gaming room with ria, scrolls the qdrnt subreddit and tells lando off for not playing halo (and also occasionaly talking to luisa too)

the three of them go golfing in monaco

lando skips the autosport awards to stay in monaco drinking caprisun with max and luisa

they fly back to the uk together so lando and luisa can attend the brits

lando goes on this morning again, and he's officialy adopted by phil and holly

max streams quite a bit over the week, watching car launches, playing five nights at freddy's and geoguessr, and scrolling twitter and reddit

him and lando go for more golfing before lando leaves for monaco again

lando and luisa spend valentines physically together, max and lando spend valentines virtually together (they have a halo multiplayer date)

(lando's back in the uk the next day anyway)

qdrnt do filming for elgato featuring simulators (or at least lando, aarav, steve and ria do, max is just there)

[actual quote] max: i'm here just for emotional support everyone

max streams when him are en route for a merch photoshoot in leeds. it's him and lando squished together in the back seat of a seven seater

[actual quote] lando: are you going to fist me?

the photoshoot is them standing on a plane..?

the next day max is back on his stream grind, playing fnaf and halo, dicussing furniture for his new setup (crafting an incredibly elaborate plan to get a very specific chair which is made in partnership with logitech so theoretically would be easy access to lando, etc. etc.), and also introducing his grandma to chat

[actual quote] theo: oh pity innit, you went to see your boyfriend lando the next day anyway

lando also streams: he does one playing roblox (i know, right) and another on halo with max

they both stream again the next day, max watching planes and lando playing halo with ria

lando leaves for mclaren's test day in barcelona starting him and max's longest stint apart yet not entirely sure when exactly, but luisa leaves for a shoot in barbados

max streams twitter and tarkov. during the twitter part, he's looking at sunglasses, prompting connor/tom/jakob/lando to comment about a 'misses'

max goes to monaco to set up the gaming room with ria and aarav. he's staying in a hotel but would have otherwise stayed in the apartment

he also has... an exchange with the team l4ndo and qdrnt admins. aarav refers to him as lando's housekeeper

he goes back to the uk for a day before jetting off to barcelona to catch the final day of testing

they both fly to portugal after testing finishes

they spend time with luisa and her friends, and the three of them watch bohemian rhapsody together.

lando and max return to the uk together, max being 20 minutes late for a qdrnt squad stream with aarav and niran. lando's on his bed watching tiktoks instagram reels before disappearing downstairs to stream his hair getting cut. they both yell at each other up and down the stairs. max's mum also appears to change max's bedsheets, but max pulls the streaming card

max is also learning portugese ffrom luisa. the one word he and lando both know definitely is the one for 'kisses'

#i have seriously underestimated this post wow #yeah this is long. again #complete with some half-assed citing!#nortrell timeline #lando norris #max fewtrell #nortrell #luisa oliveira #qdrnt #silver's fast car waffle

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nectar-cellar · 2 years

Photo

Reminiscing about The Sims

Share how you discovered the Sims franchise & the very first sims game you played (e.g ts2).

Thank you for tagging me @nocturnalazure !

Long, meandering post ahead 😂

Have some spicy pictures of Amir to make up for it. He’s thinking. It’s on theme.

@thesimperiuscurse you are responsible for pic 1 btw

The very first Sims game I ever played was The Sims 3, on the Xbox 360 console, when I was a teenager. Back then, TS3 was one of the bigger and newer EA games of the time, and it was everywhere. I spent hours in front of the TV, playing my households with no CC or DLC, wrapped up in my own imagination, no consideration for picture-taking, nothing! Just pure self-indulgent fun. I wasn’t a PC gamer and I had no idea CC or Simblr even existed. It was a much simpler time.

I think it was around the final year of high school when I first stumbled across sims CC somewhere on the internet. (Someone had posted screenshots of their very attractive male sim, that I do remember. Explains a lot doesn’t it?) I can’t remember the exact time. It might have been on my personal Tumblr account (all my friends had one and we thought we were so cool) or even Google Images lmao. My mind was blown. I never knew you could make hot sims. I immediately bought a Sims 3 CD and installed it on my Dad’s laptop. The PC version of TS3 was so much better. That was also when I started a Simblr, to follow others and share my own pics... this very same one!

After I discovered CC and Simblr, I never played the game the same way ever again. My interest shifted to character creation and ~fashion~ I guess. The endless amount of simspiration and CC spoiled me and ruined my appreciation for the game in its untouched form. I wanted my sims, my builds, my pictures, everything to look perfect, and I was never satisfied. I viewed my game and my content through other people’s eyes, not my own.

I remember being so in awe of everyone else on here. At the time, I only had the base game, I didn’t know how to torrent anything, my Dad’s laptop could barely run the game, I didn’t have money to buy dlc, and I had no idea how to make any kind of CC other than the simplest graphic edits. All I really did was make sims and pose them for photoshoots. Obsessively downloaded a shit ton of other people’s CC. Wrote a little bit here and there. Played my household once in a blue moon. Everyone else, with their cliques and fun legacies and bachelorette challenges and CC creations and intricate builds and amazing editing, seemed so much cooler than me. There were so many different websites and forums and blogs. The TS3 player base was huge. I was amazed by all of it. I couldn’t believe we were all playing the same game. I couldn’t believe people were so creative and talented. It was an odd mixture of admiration, envy, and feeling like an outsider compared to the “big” Simblrs of the time.

I made some simple cc here and there to contribute to the community, but I didn’t know what I was doing and I didn’t take it seriously. I wanted to create better things but it all seemed so complicated, and I didn’t think I was smart enough to learn.

Then, I went off to university. Away from my Dad’s laptop, I lost interest in the game, and became preoccupied with other life things and other console games. I wasn’t really around for the release of The Sims 4. I was busy, and it just didn’t have the same magic. For a few years, I didn’t even log into this Tumblr account. I didn’t pick up TS3 again until right before the pandemic happened, on a nostalgic whim.

When I first started posting again in 2019/2020, I didn’t expect much. A lot of my previous Simblr mutuals/friends were no longer here. Every post on my dashboard was about TS4. Most of my followers from years ago were no longer active. There were only a few familiar faces left. It was lonely, coming back here only to see how everyone had moved on, and I was nobody. But still, the game was just as fun as I remembered it, with years’ worth of new CC to check out, so I kept playing and posting and catching up on all I had missed, and slowly I started finding community again.

Now that I’m a bit older, I find myself appreciating the game a lot more, in ways I couldn’t before. The beautiful scenery. The open world. The Create-a-Style tool. The maxis-match aesthetic. The humor. The dated yet charming look of the clothes and the townies and the worlds. The time in my life when the game was still new.

I also feel like it’s easier and less stressful to participate in the community now that I have a little bit more maturity than when I was 18. It feels freer and more fun. When I read posts by simmers talking about how they feel like their content is not good enough, or comparing themselves to others, I feel sad. I used to feel the same way. But being “good” at Simblr/social media, and having fun with the game (in whichever way you define fun), are two very different things. I hope that makes sense. It took me some time to learn how to not let comparison steal my joy, and give myself permission to just do what I wanted to do, regardless of whether other people might like it or not. When I look back on my older posts, I feel like I’ve grown so much, both as a simmer and a person.

Well, maybe I haven’t changed that much. I still love my hot pixel men.

I’m so glad I came back to Simblr. My simming hobby has turned into a much bigger thing than I ever thought it would. I mean, I learned how to make CC that other people like? I’ve made so many new connections? My sims have become OCs I’m attached to? I see the TS3 community being revived again as EA drives TS4 into the ground more and more each day? Who would’ve guessed 😆

I love this game, I love the creativity it inspires in me, and I love the wonderful people that make up this little corner of the internet. ✨💛

#sim spice #the sims 3

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wendimydarling · 4 years

Text

The Thirst is Real

Summary: Little Freya might not be who she says she is...

Pairing: Henry Cavill x Little Freya

Word Count: 1965

Warnings: uhhh.... slow burn; dirty thoughts; erotic thoughts; mentions of arousal, daddy kink, spanking, oral, masturbation, and thigh riding; size kink; slight manhandling; dom/sub kink if you squint.

A/N: So it’s been buzzing around The Cavillry that @littlefreya is either a mole in the community or Henry himself... @agniavateira (my beautiful goddess of a beta who also beta’d this fic for me) and I had a sensational conversation about what Freya and Henry’s weekly meet-ups would entail, and this beautiful birthday present was born! It’s also a little different that what I’ve done before, as I might have used some real life thirst examples in the fic.

Did I call you out? I guess you’ll just have to read. 😈

You’ll get another gift on your actual birthday my love, but for now, please enjoy!!

~~~~~

Freya adjusted her curls in the mirror, adding one last dash of eyeliner. She was preparing for her weekly meeting with Henry, but this time her stomach was twisting itself in a spiral like a shirt ready to be dyed.

When Henry first suggested the idea of her going on Tumblr to spy for him, she was hesitant at first. What if she couldn’t make friends? What if they didn’t trust her? But now, with a solid 6k followers under her belt, she knew she could say just about anything and people would flock to the thirst.

With a nervous look at her reflection, Freya gathered her things and headed out the door, sending a quick couple of texts to Henry.

I’m on my way. You should post on your IG stories… they’re wondering what you’re up to this morning.

Perfect, thanks. I’ll send you what I’m about to upload.

A couple of seconds later Freya received his text, quickly setting up a post and waiting for Henry to update his Instagram. She smiled to herself; Tumblr would be buzzing in a matter of seconds once she posted, and what better way to show Henry what went on in the torrential world of social media than to show him live? Freya’s phone chimed again, indicating Henry had done as she’d suggested.

She couldn’t help but grin like a demon as she hit the small blue button.

Pocketing her phone, Freya enjoyed the scenery on the short walk to Henry’s place. He was in London briefly as was she, so they were meeting at his home instead of Skyping like usual. Why she was so nervous, she didn’t know… Henry had been a friend for quite a few years now, even becoming one of her closest companions. He confided in her and she in him, and it was always a joy to see him. Every day she looked forward to their flirty banter. But that was easier when it was over the phone; doing so in person was an entirely different matter.

Freya reached Henry’s small home and knocked on the door. She’d only been there a couple of times, but the tiny house never ceased to give her a wonderful sense of charm and sensibility. A loud bark and clack of nails on the floor signaled that Kal was ready and waiting to greet her, which meant Henry wouldn’t be far behind. Freya fidgeted with her fingers and chewed on her lip in taut anticipation.

The door swung wide and there was Henry, sporting a puppy dog grin on his face and his large frame filling the entire entryway. His muscular chest was practically bursting from the snug grey shirt he wore, and his dark blue jeans couldn’t have looked more sinful. He had Kal by the collar as if the dog weighed nothing, and Freya couldn’t help but feel incredibly small. Henry reached out his hand, softly tugged her bottom lip from her teeth, then swooped her up for a one-armed squeeze.

“It’s so good to see you,” he murmured against her ear, sending chills down Freya’s spine. Her feet dangled helplessly as she wrapped her own arms around his neck, inhaling the sharp scent that had long since faded from the hoodie he’d let her “steal”. The fact that he was holding her petite stature in one arm and still controlling Kal with the other wasn’t lost to Freya, and the images it provoked in her mind of what exactly he could do to her with that kind of strength made her tingle.

Oh, the positions he could put her in...

All too soon Henry set Freya down, shaking her from her sudden daydream.

“Come on in,” he said, maneuvering Kal and ordering him to sit. Freya crossed the threshold, imagining what it would be like if she was in a long, white gown…

“I’m making a smoothie, would you like one?” Henry broke into her thoughts again and Freya flushed, hurriedly setting her bag on the table and pulling out her laptop.

“Just some water please,” she replied, swallowing thickly as she realized how dry her throat was. She logged into Tumblr as Henry bustled about in the kitchen and quickly reblogged a few thirsty comments, scrolling through to find some good ones while she waited for Henry.

“Go ahead and start, tell me what ‘The Cavillry’ has been up to this week,” he stated, not quite a command but it thrilled Freya nonetheless. Stupid filthy gutter brain. She pulled out her notes and dove straight in.

“Well, a few of them like Lisa and Berry have a theory that there’s a mole in the community,” she laughed. “Some of them even like to surmise that I’m you!”

“Do they really?” Henry’s deep chuckle resonated throughout the living space and Freya closed her eyes momentarily, picturing that chuckle after a rather exhilarating round of cardio between soft, silken sheets…

“What else are they saying?” Henry’s voice was in Freya’s ear and she jumped, startled yet again from her indecorous thoughts. Henry set her water down next to the laptop and placed his hands on the table, caging her in his warmth as he leaned over her shoulder to read. Freya felt the familiar flush of arousal start to creep its way up her thighs but she did her best to ignore it, continuing on with her notes.

“Marta made some really funny memes,” she stammered, “And Demi excels at clipping audios, where it sounds like…”

“How does it sound?” Henry’s hot breath ghosted over her ear, and his exhale came out nearly a growl. Freya felt lucky she was sitting down, positive her knees would have given out on her if she hadn’t been.

“Like you just had a--an orgasm,” she faltered, grabbing her glass of water for a big gulp. Henry hummed, and Freya nearly choked on the clear liquid.

“What else do they say? I want you to read it… out loud.”

Freya was shocked for a moment. What was he playing at? Wait a minute... this is a game; Henry is playing a game. Emboldened by her sudden epiphany, Freya switched personalities from timid bird to devilish vixen, determined to win whatever it was that Henry had set in motion. She arched her back and leaned her head against Henry’s shoulder, pointing at the screen.

“Well look, see what your post this morning has done? We descend into a thirsting frenzy every time.”

She scrolled through a couple of posts, landing upon one that would give her what she needed.

“For example, Miya writes:

‘I guess good to know he’s on a morning run instead of fapping off…

But good sir, you will have to shower after that no? And unless he’s a never nude, he’s going to be naked very very soon ladies. KEEP THAT IN MIND! IN A SHORT FEW MINUTES, HENRY WILL BE NAKED AND RUBBING HIMSELF IN THE SHOWER.’ ”

Freya emphasized the last sentence and was rewarded with a small hitching of Henry’s breath. He recovered quickly.

“However did they know,” he quipped in a low rumble, reaching over Freya’s hand to do some scrolling of his own. Her hand was trapped in his but her thoughts were elsewhere, immediately flooded with the image of Henry getting off in the shower, water cascading over his hairy torso down the line of his abs and through the rabbit trail on his groin to the surely insurmountable…

“This one next,” he stated, drawing her back to the present. His thumb brushed softly over her skin before landing just out of reach of her touch. Freya focused her attention on the screen and a small groan escaped her lips. He’d chosen one of Wendi’s Smutbombs.

“...My eyes were instantly drawn back to his fierce gaze.

“You wanted to use that mouth,” he snarled, staring at me with lewd concentration.

“So use it.”

Freya’s palms grew clammy at the thought of using her mouth around Henry, in exactly the way the raucous words depicted. The way he would stretch her tiny lips until they burned, the way he’d fuck her throat without a care, the way he’d…

Henry grabbed Freya’s hand and abruptly slapped his phone on her palm, severing the thought.

“Read this one,” Henry commanded her again, his voice now clear and authoritative. This time his tone left no room for argument; he was doing it on purpose. His arms still pinned her to the table with no way to escape, and she could feel the dominance that was dripping off of him tingling down her spine.

Freya looked at the small screen, recognition of the words dawning on her face. She faltered, and cleared her throat.

“Yes, my bottom is always bare, Sherlock. Bare and ready for you to spank me and take me any which way you want.”

“Who wrote that?” he questioned sternly. Freya took a deep breath.

“I did.”

“Read the next one.”

Freya whimpered, clenching her thighs together tightly.

“Fuck this shit I want to die on this man’s thighs.”

“Who wrote that?”

“I did.”

“Keep going.”

Freya’s chest was heaving. Her head was swimming with lust and need. Her arousal had long since wet her panties to the point of extreme discomfort. She was certain Henry could smell it too, as she certainly could and his head was still right next to hers. She watched his fists tighten on the table, the veins in his arms becoming more prominent with every passing second. Freya imagined what his hands would look like with one wrapped around her throat and the other buried knuckle deep inside her…

“I said keep going; you’ve got one more.”

It wasn’t just Henry’s voice this time that dragged Freya back to reality; he wrapped his hand firmly around her nape and pointed her toward his phone.

She blinked rapidly and scrolled to the last quote.

“...They share a mutual smile and she forces herself to look away.

They have always liked each other, he has always been kind to her.

Sometimes he would touch her as they sat with friends, a feverish stroke, innocent or by mistake, but that would be enough to make her heart flutter like a huge butterfly in the cage of her chest.

To see him physically hurts sometimes. Especially on a night like this when she is supposed to be happy, yet her heart feels sorrowful.”

The moment her lips finished moving Freya was pulled off the bench and thrust against the wall. Henry pressed his thigh between her legs, his own arousal evident as it strained against the ridged fabric of his jeans. His face was gentle and sincere but his eyes were as dark with lust as she was certain hers were, and the tremor of his voice left no room to imagine anything but desire.

“Who wrote that?” he whispered softly.

“I did,” Freya whispered back.

“Did you mean it?” Henry searched her face, looking for any scrap of evidence that would present him with permission. Freya brought a hand up to his curls, brushing the one out of his eyes that always seemed to disobey.

“Every word.”

Henry slammed his mouth against Freya’s, probing her deep and hard. She kissed him back with just as much fervor, tugging on his curls and wrapping her legs around his waist as he hoisted her in the air. Never in her life had she ever thought this moment would happen, that he would want her this way. But now, here in his arms with his lips on hers and on their way to his bedroom, she couldn’t picture anything else.

The man had ruined her for anyone else over a decade ago, and she’d been thirsty for far, far too long.

~~~~~

@wolvesandhoundshowltogether @killjoy-assbutt-1112 @achaoticaugust @demivampirew @raspberrydreamclouds I hope you don’t mind that I used your thirst! I though it might be fun, but if you don’t like it just let me know, I’ll remove it. 😊

#henry cavill #henry cavill smut #henry cavill fic #author story #birthday present #i love you boo

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chromalogue · 2 years

Text

Over the holidays a friend e-mailed me because I hadn’t been on Tumblr and she wanted to know if I was okay. And I said that yes, I was doing all right, just super busy, and having a new (refurbished, $244) laptop that actually does connect to the internet meant that I wound up not working on my desktop computer as much, and also I was waiting to finish some things properly before I sat down and Tumbled. And she understood.

But I didn’t understand, because the people on here are a major source of joy for me, and I’ve been trying to get better at not depriving myself of the things I love as a sort of toxic productivity strategy. So the next time I was on the desktop computer I went to the tab that’s been open for four years now and clicked refresh, and remembered the REAL reason I’d been away so long. Darn thing STILL wouldn’t load.

(Not sure if this is a regional connectivity problem, because also my phone plan apparently includes data but I haven’t been able to use any in a couple of years. But it could also be coincidental, and related more to my dad, who handles both accounts and whose first instinct when something malfunctions is to assume that I’m doing it wrong.)

So yeah, I hadn’t intended to use this computer for Tumblr, because I still had it in my head that I should have a computer where I couldn’t get distracted. Except that distraction now and then seems to be the thing that stops the gears mashing up, and I was missing my friends keenly. So I logged in and I’m back, and most of the time the pages load. And I missed everyone and you’re all magnificent.

#just me rambling #also I know I've been back for three weeks but #when I had time to type a thing I was militantly relaxing #I didn't have time to type a thing just now but I am militantly procrastinating #I try to build some procrastination into every day and most days I do get to it

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hummingbird-games · 2 years

Text

Dev Blog # 18

Happy December good folks! Trying to learn (this time) from my past mistakes and slow the HECK down because last month was...a month. Plans this month were 1) an updated demo 2) chaos trailer and 3) finished base game so I can pinpoint release date.

In honor of respecting my limits...you will get at most 2 out of 3 from me.

What have been up to since I’ve been gone? Not much. Is this me advocating for mental health while blatantly ignoring my own???

I got some more editing done. I’m on Lydia’s path for line/transition edits and I’m glad to know that I still love this game with every fiber of my being. I’m just struggling a bit now…but ain’t we all??? 😂 for context, I’m 3/6 paths done with this particular editing pass. I’m also debating another round of beta testing 🤫 but for bugs and feedback. But in early 2022 because I cannot cram anything else in this year.

I received all of my sprites! There’s a [redacted] scene that calls for [redacted] so we’ll revisit this in early 2022 with my sprite artist when I’ve saved up game funds and can reveal super cool awesome amazing stuff

As of drafting this dev-log...the updated demo is done. Like, just-slap-that-bad-boy-up-on-itch.io done. So. I will set some time aside this weekend to reacquaint myself with Butler LOL. (Tumblr heard it first, but look out for a release on this coming Sunday or Monday)

Chaotic trailer is....almost done. My perfectionism is getting in my way (and so is the self induced stress that is myself). But if it doesn’t get done until January, then that’s fine. I will live. Mostly.

Some small milestones:

Happy one year to working on this game/ starting Hummingbird Games officially

Happy almost end to 2021 🤣

HAPPY 500+ DOWNLOADS ON ITCH.IO!

Some random news:

Remember the gaming laptop saga guys? Guess what there’s been an update and it involves Black Friday and getting a MUCH better deal on a more powerful device 😂 I decided to dedicate it only to games so I’ll continue to code on my current device.

GAMES/DEMOS I’VE BEEN PLAYING

Raptor Boyfriend: A High School Romance - I want to INHALE THIS GAME but alas life keeps getting in the way. I’m still on my first run (this is on me for WAITING SO LONG TO BUY IT), and ALL 3 love interests are divine, MC is super fun and awkward and funny, and this feels so much like an animated 90s show that I just wanna cry happy tears. Also it’s the high school genre??? We love to see it.

Ise & Kai: Chosen Throne - Just wanna praise the @rieindiegames team because the lore and worldbuilding they’ve created is absolutely amazing. I finally got to sit down and play through the demo and it was nothing like I expected in the best way possible. (TBH it felt more like the full game than a “demo” and I’m still picking my jaw off the ground aha.)

Nevergrove - Don’t remember how I found this one but it’s a point and click visual novel and it’s SUPER fun!! There’s a mystery surrounding a missing (dead??) girl and while you’re in your aunt’s town there’s people to befriend and date 👀

Belle Automata - There’s 26ish hours left to support this Kickstarter so if you haven’t had a chance, please check out the demo and then support however you can! Ratings and reviews are pretty darn cool too.

Sims 4 - There’s that new scenarios update thingy and right now I'm trying the holidays one where it’s a 2 person household/enemies to lovers, and not gonna lie, it’s super hard. I want my sims “to kith” but they’re too busy shouting forbidden words at each other and refusing to sleep in the same bed (because maybe I purposefully have one bed, so what.)

...

Okie doke guys, as always thank you for reading/skimming! For reaching the bottom of this devlog, you’ve won a special prize!! Florence screen incoming!!

- Gemini 💛

#gamedev #updates and rambles #High School Daze: Junior Year #game recommendations #I'm torn between clinging to this last month and flinging it out to the garbage hbu?

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chemiste · 4 years

Text

Voicemail. ~one-shot~

a/n: howdy babes, last night i was reading through @toothpastekissy masterlist, basically gobbling up everything and came upon Leaked Feelings! I loved the concept of it so I decided to write my own version :) lmk if y’all want a part two!

ALSO, i recorded myself singing both songs i wrote for harry,,,, if ya want to know the tunes i was thinking for them, comment if you want them and ill post em.

my masterlist

There they were.

The leaked files.

When you got a call at 4 am this morning, you did not expect your publicist to be telling you some of your exes songs were leaked.

“What’s that got to do with me?” You asked, still half asleep.

“They’re about you, Y/N.” Well now you’re awake.

“What?” You shot up out of bed, padding over to your white desk, fuzzy pink socks on your feet. You opened your laptop and jumped onto twitter, scrolling through with one hand while the other held your phone. #StylesLeak was trending worldwide, as was #Y/N.

HarryUpdates tweeted:

OMG OMG RED ALERT WE GOT LEAK SONGS Y’ALL

FineFuckinLine tweeted:

OOF, what the fucccccck did harry do to Y/N? These are all apology songs!!! No wonder the break up was hush hush

E!News tweeted :

Hey everyone! We know Harry Styles and Y/N L/N stans are up early this morning! Leaked songs from Harry sales have been put out on the web for everyone to see. The two singers had called it quits 3 years ago, but now they’re the trending topic again! #shipname is now trending #1 worldwide, I didn’t ever think we’d see that one again! Go to our website for more!

You heard you publicist let out a big sigh, you put your phone on speaker and set it down on the desk next to you so you could keep looking.

“There are 7 songs, and each one has your name in it or as the title.”

It was a bit of shock, to say the least.

You had hung up with your publicist a while ago and were now debating on whether to listen to the songs or not, you had found a fan account that had the leaked files all ready to go for your entertainment, but something made you hesitate clicking the url.

“You Bastard!” You screamed, shoving him back into the wall.

Mascara was streaming down your face, the satin red cocktail dress you wore now crumpled as your crouched to grab your suitcase from underneath the bed.

“Please listen, it’s not what you think—“ Harry started, you whipped around to the man before you, fire burning in your eyes.

“Oh, really Harry? How is me hearing you say ‘yeah Y/N is alright, but gotta keep the media happy ya know’ on a voicemail I probably wasn’t supposed to get not what I think?”

Quickly, you zipped the bag closed, kicking your heels off and shoving your feet into your beat up converse. He let out an exasperated breath, tears starting to shine in his eyes.

“I—I was drunk Y/N! I was with some friends just joking around and—“

“Drunk words are sober thoughts Harry.”

You snapped back, slipping your tench coat on and racing for the stairs, luggage in hand. You rubbed away the endless tears running down your face as you made it to the living room, collecting your keys.

H raced down after you, mumbling over words—

‘Excuses’, You thought.

Right before you opened the front door, he grabbed your hand that was wrapped around the handle of your suitcase.

“Please Y/N, can’t we just sit down and talk this out—“

“There’s nothing to talk about Harry, you made that perfectly clear when I had to listen to you compare me some ‘other models’ while at a very important record dinner! I had to fucking sit there, eyes on me, and act like you weren’t ripping my heart out one word at a time!”

You snatched your hand out of his and moved out the door,

“Don’t call me,” was the last thing you said before slamming the door shut.

Bringing back those memories was something you didn’t want to do, it had been 3 years since the break up. Harry didn’t come after you, even though a part of you wished he had. Wished he had tried harder to get you back. But alas, shortly after, he started dating a model, Camile or something, and your relationship was tossed aside like yesterdays newspaper.

You moved back and forth with your mouse on the link, eventually you closed the page. Instead of fully chickening out, you decided to go to your favorite platform for celebrity gossip, tumblr.

“At least one of his die-heart fans must have the lyrics written down already.”

You mumbled to yourself, logging into your secret side blog about cats, Captain America, and cute outfits.

After not that much digging you found a blog, harrysmygod, (you definitely rolled your eyes at the name) had a whole posting written out about it already.

“They’re sure on top of everything, I’ll give them that.”

You started to read.

Hello my harries!

So if you’ve been up these past few hours, something big has happened! HARRY STYLES HAD SOME FUCKING SONGS LEAKED!!! And no, I don’t mean songs that could have been on the FineLine album, I mean OLD songs!

And they’re about, you know my fav girl, Y/N! Now, we know their break up 3 years ago was very quick and hush-hush, not much details ya know?

BUT WE GOT THE JUICE NOW LADIES!!

The boy wrote 7 songs that got leaked, and you wonder why I know they’re about her? Y/N is a lyric or title word used in all of them! Thats right, all 7 songs. I’ve done the best thing for everyone and written out the lyrics for you to look through, I’ve only kept one chorus and each new verse, if you listen to the song and its repeated I only wrote it down one for you, blah blah you get it?

Great! Heres the first one, it’s called Voicemail.

You took a deep breath and scrolled down.

The look on your face,

The hurt in your eyes,

Made me realize, my lover was gone,

I never got to say goodbye.

Oh, Oh, Ah, Oh.

The words I had said, not true,

I’m so sorry you heard them too.

When you came home in that dress,

Mascara dripping onto your chest.

I knew I had fucked up,

One voicemail turning us to dust.

If you ever hear this song,

Know that I was wrong,

You were the best thing in my life,

Now those flames have turned to ice.

Oh, Oh, Ah, Oh.

Y/N, please remember the love we once had together,

So I know I am real

And then maybe, we could try to heal.

Heaaaaaaaaaal.

Wow you guys, this SONG! Totally sucks that harry didn’t mean to release them cause totally invasion of privacy (sorry harry), but lucky for us we’ve got some info on what happened between Y/N and him!

I’m thinking maybe a voicemail gone wrong? They could have been in a fight and he said something that cut too deep? Lmk what you guys think, heres the next on called Gone.

You scrolled through them, you read all the songs. Lover’s Funeral, Drunk Thoughts, Empty Seat, Your Sock Drawer, and then finally, Y/N.

Alright, we’ve made it to the last song my dudes. And personally it’s my favorite!!!! This was the last song leaked, but I feel the most important. Here’s Y/N.

Oh, Y/N, Y/N, Y/N,

You make my heart fly,

I feel as though I could touch the sky,

I only need your love to try.

My love, love, love

You shine brighter than any star above.

Make me count everyday,

I should have tried to make you stay.

Oh, Y/N, Y/N, Y/N

I know we can agree

That I’m a bastard

Im a flake,

You made the right choice

Walking out on me

But could I have

A second chance,

I know it would be worth it

In the end

Because I’d get,

On one knee,

And promise myself to you

For all eternity.

Oh, Y/N Y/N Y/N

My love, love, love

Oh, Y/N Y/N Y/N

My love, love, love

You gasped, basically jumping away from the computer like it was on fire. Thoughts raced through your mind, you grabbed your head, trying to keep it all together.

He wanted to marry you? Impossible. 3 Years ago this man was thinking about proposing, then how could he say all those horrible things about you?

“He’s not worth another heartbreak, stop it, stop it!” You chanted to yourself.

While you paced back and forth making a dint in your soft white carpet, you had tuned out the notifications for instagram, twitter, and calls coming through to you.

But then a certain dial tone popped up that you had only set for one person.

Ding!

You glanced to your phone on the table and froze.