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kalamity-jayne · 1 month

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Sorry for asking but I am a cis male teenager (well, I thought I was.) but lately I have realized I think I might be a trans girl? I am very scared to drop my masculinity. How did you find out you were trans if that’s okay to ask?

Of course it's ok! I am always happy to help someone who is questioning their gender. However, this is actually a pretty loaded question, because while there is a lot of talk about "when my egg cracked" in trans circles, figuring out you're trans isn't always attributable to any one singular event. Some folks might crack through and emerge from their egg in one swift motion but that is not true for everyone, it certainly wasn't true for me. Sure I could tell about the moment the first crack in my shell appeared, but a single crack in the egg is a far cry from actually breaking out. For many it's a process that can involve a series of revelations and tends to require lots of self reflection and learning how to love yourself. So, there is no quick and easy answer for this. However, I think my story will have a number of different lessons relevant to your question.

Before getting into all that though, I feel I must point out that cisgender folks rarely ask themselves these kinds of questions and when they do entertain these thoughts it's brief and comes with very little agony. The fact you have gone so far as to reach out to trans woman for advice, the fact the you are clearly worried by the prospect of being trans, is a pretty clear indicator that you probably are trans. Regardless of whether you actually are transgender or not, I want you to know that either way, it's ok. You will be ok, no matter what conclusions you come to.

Now, the story of how I figured out I was trans. Bear in mind, the first “aha moment” was 20 yrs ago and things were very different back then. I was about 17yrs old at the time and the term transgender didn't have the currency then that it does now, there wasn't the robust set of terminology that we have today, there were far fewer resources to turn to, no social media, and the overall public opinion was significantly more hostile towards anything LGBT. Anyway, more below the cut.

I didn't follow the typical trans narrative of the time in the sense that, as a child I didn't really care about my clothes so long as my favorite cartoon characters were on 'em, I liked toys typically marketed towards boys, I looked like a boy and everyone referred to me as a boy. So I thought I was a boy. However, I do have a vague memory from early childhood, somewhere between the ages of 4-6, of sneaking into my mother’s room and stealing a pair of her satin underwear and trying it on (it surely would have been too big on me but I remember liking the texture of the fabric) and hiding it under my bed. This memory has since been confirmed during my adulthood by my brother who shared a room with me at the time and had apparently found the hidden stash.

From an early age I was explicitly shunted towards masculinity. I was regularly told to “stop acting like a girl,” and “quit crying like a girl,” and even at one point to “stop walking like a girl,” by my peers and one of my brothers. By the time I was a teenager I was doing my best to be as masculine as possible going so far as joining the highschool wrestling team, a sport that is as homophobic as it is homoerotic, and I hated every minute of it because being manly didn't feel natural to me (and it definitely didn't stop the bullying). It felt like I was trying to ice skate uphill. I fit in but only imperfectly for I was merely acting.

I was also very confused about my sexuality. I thought maybe I was gay or bisexual (turns out the latter) but that didn’t really explain what I was feeling. Around 17yrs old I got curious about transsexuals, thinking maybe the answers would be found there and hoped on to the early and oh so clunky internet. Now I knew of transsexuals conceptually but I didn't know anything about them. Sadly, pornography was really the only reliable way to actually see what a trans body looked like back then. I was stunned because the women I saw did not look at all the way I expected. I was blown away by how so many of them, genitalia aside, looked indistinguishable from cisgender women. And they were all absurdly beautiful. I felt an immediate attraction but there was something else I felt too, envy. And that realization was the first crack in my eggshell.

After that I couldn't get the thought of crossdressing out of my head. So, I dug through a box of my mother's old clothes and took a few items she no longer wore, an old white tennis skirt and a very very 70s sleeveless orange blouse. I was so comfortable in those clothes and when I looked at myself in the mirror I felt good, really good. So, I continued exploring, shaved off all of of my body hair, went to department stores that were open late at night to buy girl clothes (deathly afraid someone would recognize me), I would stay up late at night to watch HBO because at midnight they would occasionally air stuff about trans people, (I remember two documentary shorts in particular and the movie Soldier’s Girl) and I scoured the internet for more information. The internet search brought me to a website called TG list (at least I think that’s what it was called, this was 20yrs ago after all) which was a directory of resources ranging from The Breast Form Store (which still exists!), a myriad of gender identity quizzes (I took nearly every single one), and Susan’s Place.

Susan’s place was one of the few reliable places to hear from actual transgender adults. Unfortunately, while Susan's Place had a lot of useful information the forums there were full of horror stories, a never-ending supply of all the things those women had suffered. So needless to say, there was little to no positivity around transness to give me hope. I was afraid to call myself trans as a result, afraid of what it meant for my life, my future, and my physical safety (you have to remember that back then Mathew Shepard wasn’t old news, his tragedy was practically current events). So I called myself a crossdresser but for reasons I didn't understand at the time I deeply resented that label. I think deep down, no matter how much I tried to deny it and bury it, a part of knew I wanted to be a girl. So when I came out to my parents as a crossdresser and explicitly told them I wasn't trans, that I didn’t have any desire to transition to female, there was that lil voice at the back of my mind calling me a liar. That voice would follow me until my late 20s.

Coming out was a real struggle for me because not only did I think my life would literally be in jeopardy, I thought everyone would think I was making it up, having not followed the stereotypical models of transsexuality. When I came out to my parents they didn't disown me or anything but they were noticeably uncomfortable around me when I was in girl mode. At a certain point I needed their help (credit card) to buy a gaff for tucking and that was when my parents, out of a misguided desire to protect me, pushed me back into the egg. Because of their rejection I spent the rest of highschool and most of my college years trying to hold the egg together with even more denial and by doubling down on masculinity. While I did have some fun during my college years, on balance I was miserable and depressed. I chafed at my male costume and I knew I was lying to myself the entire time, and I hurt myself a great deal.

During my senior year of college I started privately dabbling with crossdressing again, the desire had been nagging at me incessantly. A short time after graduating I met my wife who accepted that side of me and she introduced me to the BDSM/kink community, and the overall culture of nonjudgmental acceptance there cracked the egg for good, because is provided spaces besides my own room where I felt safe being a girl. From that point on I slowly but surely came out of the egg, first calling myself a crossdresser, then genderfluid for awhile, then GENDA passed in NY making me an explicitly protected class and for the next 2 yrs I presented as a they/them genderqueer woman 100% full time without HRT (I was still reluctant to call myself a woman).

I wrestled a long time with the choice to go on HRT. Ultimately that was always a big stumbling block for me. Therapy had gotten me pretty far but I was still afraid of so much and was unsure I would be happy with the changes because my parents had initially rejected me as their daughter in very paternalistic fashion I struggled to trust my own instincts. I still struggle with that sometimes. Eventually, I befriended a trans woman in my neighborhood who pointed out HRT works very slowly and that it takes a long time for any permanent changes to take root. So, she suggested I give it a try and if it didn't feel right I could stop.

I was also taking gender identity quizzes again. Now most of these claim to be diagnostic and those ones a generally misogynistic garbage (they ask stupid questions like, “are you good at math?” and assign a gendered value to the answer) but I happened upon one that started with the disclaimer that it wasn't diagnostic and instead only offered questions that are good to think with. Two questions in particular were very helpful. The first asked, "If you could take a pill that would allow you to wake up tomorrow as a girl, would you take it?" My answer was a hesitant yes, but that yes was bolstered by the next question, "If you could take a pill that would allow you to wake up as a man, in your current body, but without any dysphoria or desires to be feminine, would you take it?" My answer was an emphatic no because that would have felt like killing an important part of myself off. I then at the age of 33yrs old started HRT and 4yrs in I am incredibly happy. That was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

Now, I know that was a lot of fucking text to read but I wrote all of that because I know the prospect of maybe being a trans girl feels scary to you right now but I want to assure you that as daunting as it may seem there is so much about being a trans woman that is full of beauty and joy. I love my trans womanhood and despite the hardships, I wouldn’t give it up for anything. In fact the opposite is true. Knowing what I know now, I would give up almost everything in order to be a woman. So if you feel like you want to give girlhood a try, do it! You can take small incremental steps and you can always stop if it doesn’t feel right, either way you will gain a degree of self knowledge most cisgender people lack completely and that is absolutely priceless! Plus, unlike me when I was a teen, there’s all kinds of resources and information available to you now and an entire community of people ready to help you, and unlike the women in the forums from my past, we aren’t all gloom and doom.

As for your fear of giving up masculinity, don’t let that fear lure you into the denial trap like it did me. Denial is like quicksand, once you’re in it becomes hard to get out, the more you struggle the deeper in you go and it is so very suffocating. And the thing is, you actually don’t have to give it all up. Back when I was presenting full time as woman without HRT, I felt like I had to be ultra feminine all the time, full face of make-up, dress, heels, the whole nine yards. Now that I’m 4 yrs in with HRT I don’t feel that pressure anymore and have since reclaimed certain aspects of masculinity I actually liked. I sill like presenting high femme from time to time but these days I mostly rock a soft butch aesthetic, flannel/t-shirt, jeans and the only makeup I wear daily is just a lil bit of blush. At certain point you become comfortable and realize that gender is just a sandbox to play in and experiment. Masculine and Feminine are just concepts, they aren’t real! so regardless of being cis or trans, don’t let those mere concepts box you in! Just do what feels natural and right to you!

I hope all of that was helpful to you anon, and that at the very least you walk away from this knowing you don’t have to have all of the answers about yourself right now. Now, I don't no the particulars of your situation, so I’m happy to speak with you further if you have follow up questions, just send another anon.

Best of luck to you anon, I am rooting for you!

Big hugs,

Mother Calamity

#advice from a trans mom #Transition #HRT #Transgender #cracking the egg #ask/answer #anon #mother calamity!

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mintsv · 11 months

Text

cherry blossom - k. gyuvin

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pairing ➷ gyuvin x gn!reader

synopsis : you and gyuvin were in your last years of high school and lived beside each other. at school, he's captain of the basketball team, gyuvin is friendly and easygoing, not to mention he's extremely popular. on the other hand, you're the class president and have been for many years, you very studious, making you not have many friends. nevertheless, your fateful friendship bloomed under the cherry blossoms of april.

genre : romance . fluff . slight angst . high school au

word count : 3.5k

warnings : swearing (only once tho)

notes : hii i posted again finally!! sorry bcs english isnt my first language there might be some grammar errors 😅, it's also my first time writing a gn!reader so i'm sorry if i make some mistakes ;D

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➷ the first encounter

it was the month of april, the start of spring, and your favorite month of the year mostly because you enjoy gazing at the cherry blossoms on your way back from school. you wore a mid-length puffer jacket since the weather was a bit chilly, holding your hands up to your face to see your fingertips have become slightly reddish. you sigh as you bury your hands back in the pockets of your puffer as you tried distracting yourself from the cold by talking to your classmate beside you.

"soo.. about the cherry blossom festival, i was thinking we could do something involving our basketball team since you know, the captain is in our class of course.." she giggled, acting giddyly similar to a child.

"well, I've had 5 people telling me the same thing and i'll repeat my answer one last time, I'll think about it okay? but there's a big chance it's not going to happen." you exasperatingly sigh as the girl beside you inevitably left after realizing you wouldn't agree to her request.

as the class president, your duty is to arrange class activities, one of them being the cherry blossom festival happening in a few weeks time. there wasn't a particular reason why you denied all the requests, you just weren't very fond of the boy. he was always late to class, sometimes even skipping entirely to play basketball. his behaviour took a toll on your status as class president, teachers who couldn't get through the boy would often scold you instead.

you thought this calming walk back home couldn't get any worse until you were met face to face with the devil himself.

he wasn't walking home with his friends like he normally would, he looked back when he felt someone's stare burning holes on his back, his eyes with yours almost immediately.

as if on cue, a 10 thousand won bill (around 7 usd) fell from one of the swaying cherry trees, landing perfectly in between you and him. both of your eyes followed the bill as it glides down to the concrete floor, your eyes going back and forth from the bill to the boy in front of you.

CRASH!

"Ow!"

feeling a head collide with yours, you let out a painful hiss while holding your head with one arm. slowly you look up to see the boy in front of you mirroring your movements. you were both knelt down, one hand on the dollar bill with the other clutching your heads.

"Aha! my hand is under yours, that means the 10k is mine." his words woke you up from the trance you were in, widening your eyes when you realized your hands were on top of his own. you quickly pulled away but that didn't mean you were backing up.

"yeah but that's because you hit my hand!" you retorted back, showing him the red mark on the back of your hand.

"it was just an act of self defense i'm sorry, um.. what if we just split it, I'll buy you something from the cafeteria?" the boy rubbed the back of his neck nervously, stretching out his hand that held the dollar bill.

you thought to yourself for a moment before replying,

"fine, i'll forgive you under three conditions." you stood up with your arms crossed. the boy in front of you following as he nodded erratically.

"one, you can never be late nor skip classes from tomorrow onward and explain to mr lee why you've been late this entire time. two, your basketball team has to participate in this year's cherry blossom festival as the representative of our class. and three, you owe me a carton of strawberry milk." you smirk proudly, seeing the color drain from the boy's face.

"okay okay, what if we skip number one and two and i'll buy you TWO cartons of strawberry milk? how does that sound?" he pleaded.

"fine then, i'm telling the counselor you hurt a fellow student." you started to walk back to school but before you could take another step, a hand held your wrist to prevent you from walking further, just as you expected.

"okay, fine. jeez i didn't know the class president was this stern." he smirked almost flirtingly even though you didn't get the hint.

"i have a name you know, it's y/n." you turn to face him again, annoyed because in the school almost no one calls you by your real name and for some reason it made you think no one actually knew your name.

"alright y/n, i'm kim gyuvin and it's nice to meet you too." he grinned similar to a puppy, extending his hand waiting to be shook by yours.

you looked at his hand, back to his face, and to his hand again. after a few seconds of contemplation, you lightly extended your cold hand which was quickly greeted by the warmth of gyuvin's.

just for a moment there, you felt a foreign feeling of butterflies swarming your stomach.

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➷ a few months later

"KIM GYUVIN!" you bang on his apartment door, looking at the time on your phone before stepping away from the door.

"I'M UP! I'M UP!" like usual, the door slammed open, revealing a disheveled gyuvin in his school uniform that was horribly crinkled. his eyes were barely open and his hair was stood up, obvious that he had just gotten up from bed.

"did you sleep in your school uniform?" you tilt your head, looking at him from head to toe with a concerned look. it was your daily task to wake up gyuvin every morning ever since you found out that the both of you lived beside each other, obviously neither of you ever noticed considering gyuvin's 'always late' agenda and your 'always early' one.

"no.." you roll your eyes as he sheepishly smiles.

"there's still 30 minutes, go take a shower, you stink." you forcefully push the boy back into his apartment, shutting the door behind him. you could make out a bunch of whines coming from the opposite side, meanwhile you couldn't help the small grin from forming on your face.

after 10 minutes, the door opened for the second time, unveiling a less disheveled gyuvin. his hair fluffed up giving him a boyish look, the tiredness in his eyes was now replaced with a glint of excitement, his clothes seemingly less crinkled and his puppy-like smile on full display.

god you thought you had just fallen in love for the millionth time.

gyuvin slung his arms around your shoulder almost putting you in a headlock, "I know i'm terribly handsome but we might be late if you can't stop staring." he gave you a smug look in which you returned with a disgusted one.

"whatever."

you both walked to school as usual, his arms weren't slung around you anymore since there were other students around and gyuvin didn't want them 'getting the wrong idea'.

arriving at school on time was something gyuvin wasn't used to but he didn't mind if it meant he could spend more time with his best friend, you (of course).

"you're coming to my match this afternoon right, class prez?"

'class prez' that was the nickname gyuvin gave you ever since you both met, he would rarely call you by your real name, only if things were serious which barely ever happens anyways.

"yeah, if i can." you respond nonchalantly.

"you always say that, but at the end of the day you always come." he gave you a small grin which made your cheeks turn a pinkish hue.

"whatever."

"whatever, whatever, whatever, do you ever say anything else?" as the both of you continued bickering, the boy's contagious smile made you break out into a grin as well. to other people, both of you looked like two kids madly in love with each other. as cliché as it sounds, it was painfully obvious to everyone except you and gyuvin.

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school had just officially ended for the day. Your classmates bid you goodbye, everyone in a hurry to see the upcoming basketball match between your school and the neighboring school. of course, gyuvin had left earlier in order to fulfill his duties as team captain. currently, you were fulfilling your own duties as class president with your assistant, park gunwook.

"y/n why do we have to do this? can't we just do this tomorrow, pleaasee i really wanna see the match!" the boy beside you pleaded, having his head ontop of his folded arms, looking at the window where you could see students holding banners hurrying inside the school gym where the match was held.

"if you stop whining we might be able to sort these in time so we can see the match, gunwook." you reply sternly, quickly going over the files the teacher assigned you.

"don't lie y/n, i know you wanna skip and watch your loverboy too." gunwook looks to you with a teasing glint in his eyes that you didn't take notice of.

"my what? stop fooling around and help me sort these!" though your voice was a bit shaky, it seemed to convince gunwook enough for him to start helping you.

as time went by, you skimmed over the endless stack of files, eyes growing visibly tired and red. on the other hand, the 'assistant' beside you had already fallen deep into dreamland after helping you with one or two files. you couldn't help but listen to the ongoing match inside the gym and the faint sound of cheering, praying you'd finish these soon enough to join in the bleachers.

after a while, you finally finished sorting the needed files, rubbing your eyes tiredly. you dropped the files in front of gunwook with a loud thud.

"AHH YOU SCARED ME!" he woke up in a cold sweat, holding his hand to his heart.

"take these to mr choi, i'm leaving now." you quickly pack your bags, leaving the boy alone in the classroom still recovering from the shock you gave him.

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inside the gym, it was break time for both teams and gyuvin's eyes couldn't help but scan through the crowd of people on the bleachers, not seeing the face he was looking for, he sighed in defeat as his mind went back to the conversation he had with you in the morning.

"i'm serious gyuvin, i might not be able to make it today, i have a lot of things to do, so i apologize beforehand."

"it's okay, don't apologize, it's not your fault. just..come by if you can."

his mood was somewhat down since the start of the match, leading his team to worry about the boy.

"hey man you ok? a little bit more and we can catch up, don't give up now!" his teammate, ricky spoke up while slinging his arms around the brunette's shoulder.

"no it's not that, ricky." gyuvin removed the arm around his shoulder, slumping down onto his seat, head hung low.

"ohhh i know, it's because his 'class prez' isn't here yet." his other teammate, yujin chirped in an attempt to ease the tension, earning a nudge from ricky.

"dude don't say that!"

"what? say what?!" yujin held his lower stomach where ricky had nudged him as they both continued to bicker.

gyuvin wasn't paying attention to the two boys in front of him, more focused on his phone which he unconciously keeps checking. he had hoped for a text message from you, confirming if you were coming by or not. but no matter how long he waited, the text never came. eventually, the horns had blasted, signalling the start of the final round to decide the winner of the match.

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meanwhile, arriving at the basketball court, you ran to the bleachers, taking up the last remaining spot on the railing as your eyes scan the court in front of you. you were out of breath from all the running you did to get here, chest heaving up and down as your eyes frantically searched for the brunette.

as gyuvin was getting into position, his eyes trailed to the bleachers one last time. to his surprise, the first pair of eyes he had met was yours. the frown on his face was suddenly nowhere to be seen, his eyes lit up and he felt a warm feeling engulf in his heart.

hurriedly, you scribble down 'kim gyuvin!' on a page of your sketchbook, holding it up for the boy to see. gyuvin's smile got impossibly bigger upon seeing his written name, his eyes lit up as he shamelessly waved to you which made his teammates look at him, dumbfounded and also slightly relieved to know their captain was back.

"see, i told you if y/n comes he'll be back to normal." yujin smirked as he nudged ricky, who seems to be unbothered by the younger male, his focus mainly on the pair before he eventually drags gyuvin to his designated position as the referee signalled the start of the game.

throughout the final game, you were incredibly stressed out while your eyes moved back and forth from the score board and to the brown haired boy. both teams were already incredibly tired except for gyuvin who looked like he was playing in the first round.

"pass! pass!"

the brunette yelled from across the court, after obtaining the ball, he took a risky move which made you and a few others jump from their seats. the scores were exceptionally close and time was limited, meaning if he managed to score this 3-point, the team is guaranteed a victory.

for a split second, the crowd went silent as gyuvin shot the ball. just as the timer ticked zero, the crowd erupted with cheers and the alarm went off signalling the end of the match. gyuvin had succesfully scored a point, making his team the ultimate winner.

the boy felt like he was on cloud 9 with so many people calling on his name and his teammates hurdling around him with smiles on their faces. but most importantly, there you were on the bleachers, smiling at him and giving him a thumbs up which he found utterly adorable. after the cheers had slowed down, gyuvin excused himself from his teammates, running to the locker and changing his clothes as fast as he could.

when he got out, he was met by your presence almost immediately.

"congratulations! sorry i couldn't come earlier." your smile wasn't as big since you tried to keep your cool in front of hin.

gyuvin didn't respond for a while which worried you, but you were surprised to feel your feet up in the air as two arms lifted you up and spun you around. you held onto his shoulder for balance basically hugging him as you could smell his faint cologne making you blush provusely. the red on your cheeks didn't go unnoticed by the boy but he only shrugged it off thinking you were just excited for him.

after many complaints from you, gyuvin put you back down. he smiled ear to ear as he rubbed his nape nervously.

"sorry, i'm just happy you came." you couldnt bear the eye contact with him, your eyes searched for anything other than the boy.

"by the way you look really tired, was there a lot of work?" he continued, cupping your cheeks with both of his hands, forcing you to look at him. it was something he often did and it made you feel butterflies as his two hands felt warm on your cold cheeks.

"y-yeah i had to do everything by myself since gunwook fell asleep halfway, it's fine though i'm not that tired." you tried to reassure him, circling your hands around his wrists to pull him away but it only made him squish your face harder which made you let out a whine.

"but your eyes are so red! hurry, i'll take you home so you can get some rest." finally letting go of your face, he takes one of your wrists and lead you to the gym where all his friends are waiting for him.

"gyuvin i feel fine, i wanna stay here longer please?"

"why do you want to stay here-" his words were cut short by an unfamiliar voice.

"kim gyuvin!"

from behind the boy appeared a girl who looks to be one of your underclassmen. it's no doubt gyuvin is popular among seniors, but classes below you weren't an exception either.

gyuvin turned around to face the younger girl and you followed suit, leaning in a bit to listen to their conversation.

"can i help you?" gyuvin spoke in a polite manner.

"gyuvin oppa, can we talk outside i have something to tell you." the girl fiddled with the hem of her skirt nervously, you already knew where this was going and gyuvin did too.

"i'm sorry i-"

"please? it's really important it wont take long.." the girl pleaded, holding on to the hem of his shirt and the sight almost making you puke.

despite gyuvin's hesitation, he looked back to you and mouthed a 'sorry' before being rushed off by the girl.

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after gyuvin left you let out the biggest sigh, having such a popular best friend was hard and not to mention your enormous crush on him made it even worse.

essentially you wanted to stay at school longer to spend time with the best friend who just left you, but since he's no longer here you find a spot to sit on the bleachers. you remember the two cans of soda in your backpack, now having no one to share them with.

as you pop open one of the cans, before you could take a sip, you felt a presence beside you.

"hey, can i sit here?" a familiar voice caught your attention, shen quanrui aka ricky who is your classmate and one of gyuvin's friends.

"oh, um sure." you took your backpack from the seat, putting it on your lap and taking a sip of your soda.

"soo.. y/n right? i heard a lot about you from gyuvin."

"haha yeah.. you're ricky right? i also hear about you from gyuvin."

an awkward silence flew in the air for a solid 10 seconds.

"do you know what he's doing right now? i've been looking all over and i can't find him." his question reminded you again why you were talking to him in the first place, he left cause some girl is gonna confess to him, should you really say that?

"well, a girl pulled him outside, said she has something important to tell him and you can guess the rest." you chuckle bitterly.

"it's hard to be friends with someone so popular isn't it?" somehow his statement brightened your mood a little.

"yeah, that's exactly what i was just thinking." you finally had the courage to lift your head and look at the blonde beside you.

ricky was also semi-popular, his looks are well known to everyone in the school and his personality wasn't so bad either.

"so he really left you alone here? what an asshole, maybe i should beat him later." he put his hands into fists and started punching the air like a boxer.

"oh please don't, i think the girl he's talking to right now has tortured him enough." ricky laughed and you followed suit, feeling more comfortable as time went by.

"do you like soda?"

"well it depends, i only like it when it's a 1+1 deal." you chuckle, handing him the can of soda in your backpack since yours was almost finished and you wanted to have a soda buddy to drink with.

"thanks, i like it even better when it's free."

"oh please, you owe me lunch tomorrow."

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meanwhile outside of the gym,

"oppa, i really like you- no! i love you please go out with me!" the girl stretched out her hands, holding a thick envelope which could only mean one thing.

"i'm really sorry, but i'm not interested in relationships right now. and i don't want your money." the boy politely bowed, pushing the girl's hands back.

"please! i'll double the money if you want to, just go out with me once, i really like you please give me one chance!" gyuvin has had a series of confessions to him, but this was his first one that seemed a bit extreme.

"i can't, i'm sorry but i-"

"oppa, do you like someone already?"

"what?" the question made gyuvin stop in his tracks.

"you do don't you? is that why you don't want to accept my love? who is it just be honest!" the younger girl was now sobbing uncontrollably which fueled panic in gyuvin who didn't know how to properly comfort the girl, especially being the reason shes crying in the first place.

"no i don't like anyone, but i'm sorry i can't go out with you please stop crying.." he nervously patted her back in an attempt to soothe her but it had only made her cry louder, hence he stood and did nothing at all.

"oppa, you like y/n don't you?"

"what? no.." gyuvin felt a lump in his throat, his head suddenly flooded with thoughts of you, his best friend.

"so you do.. lucky them." the girl wiped the last of her tears before cowardly running away, leaving gyuvin dumbfounded with a new thought clouding his brain.

'do i like y/n?"

read chapter 2 here!

-> extra note : this is also gonna be two or three parts SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG but i hope you enjoy it because this was really cringe when i wrote it 😅 (fyi the opening was based on a recent film i watched on netflix called omg (oh my girl) its really good highly recommended!)

#zb1 #zb1 angst #zb1 drabbles #zb1 imagines #zb1 scenarios #zb1 x reader #kim gyuvin #gyuvin drabbles #gyuvin fluff #zb1 gyuvin #zerobaseone x reader #zerobaseone imagines #zerobaseone #zerobase1 #kim gyuvin imagines #zb1 fics #gyuvin scenarios #gyuvin x reader

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wonwoonlight · 1 year

Text

shiny star / kim mingyu

➝ Mingyu x Reader (ft. Jungkook, Chaeyoung, Chungha, etc.)

➝ shiny star!au // university!au // non idol!au // friends to ??? // fluff // slice of life

➝ word count: 5.9~k

➝ warning: curses, food, mingyu is flirty (??) but not a playboy, he's way too perfect lol, basketball captain!gyu, OC is cool af according to me😎

➝ inspired by: Shiny Star (2020) - KyoungSeo

➝ shiny star playlist // Shiny Star masterlist (can be read as standalone)

Seungcheol // Jeonghan // Joshua // Junhui // Soonyoung // Wonwoo // Jihoon // Seokmin // Mingyu // Minghao // Seungkwan // Hansol // Chan

A/N: as you've all guessed, here's Mingyu's Shiny Star! happy birthday, Gyu! this was fun to write and i'm pretty happy with how it turned out aha. hopefully yall would like this as much as i do, and pls do drop by and tell me what you think of this after you read

숨이 가득 차올라서 아무 말 하지 못했는데 I couldn’t say anything because I’m out of breath

너는 말 없이 웃으며 내 손 잡아줬죠 But you took my hands without saying anything but a smile

[✾✾✾]

This would sound annoying, but Mingyu is used to getting confessions. He enjoys the attention, enjoys knowing that people admire him even though he barely does anything. Yes, he’s handsome, has good grades, and is the star of the basketball team, but they all come effortlessly to Kim Mingyu.

He is God’s favorite, after all.

You genuinely think that whatever religion Mingyu believes in, every god that’s in charge of grace all helped to shape him.

But it’s not always a good thing. Because, fuck, it’s so stupid that your heart flutters when he grins at the audience after shooting a three-pointers. He’s not even looking at you, and he’s so cocky because he salutes to everyone as he runs through the court to hug his teammates. And yet butterflies would fly like crazy inside you and you want to hate it but you don’t.

Another reason why it’s stupid: you didn’t realize you’ve been staring at him–well, really, you’re staring at a random spot behind him because you’re zoning out, but it is him in your mind, so–until Mingyu tilts his head and asks if there’s something in his face because you’ve been staring at him for the past five minutes.

You blink at the question, as if brought back from a trance, and Mingyu chuckles and shakes his head before pouring water in the empty glass in front of you.

“You haven’t even drunk that much.” He grins as you thank him and take the water.

You’ve somehow been roped into the basketball team’s celebratory dinner, along with Chungha and Chaeyoung who are sitting on the other side of the table. Well, not somehow, you guess, because you’re friends with those two girls (who basically possess free passes to every social function in the university) and your childhood friend, Jeon Jungkook, is also in the team. Which means, you actually hang out a lot with the guys–and that includes Mingyu.

He’s barely even a friend despite your embarrassing crush, and you’re not that close even if you hang out a lot with the team.

“What’s bothering you?” Jungkook plops down beside you once Chungha goes to the restroom. He’s noticed you’ve been distracted from earlier, but you don’t seem to be in a bad mood or anything–simply too deep in your own thoughts.

You consider shaking your head and telling him nothing. What can you say anyway? ‘No biggies, I just have a crush on your captain here.’

“Just… something.” You leave it at that.

Jungkook isn’t the closest friend you have and you don’t always tell him everything, but he’s known you for way too long to know how to read your body language and your mood. Which is cool, but not really when you feel like hiding something.

That, together with his curiosity and his tendency to pry when he has nothing else to care about is not a combination you’re particularly fond of.

He narrows his eyes at you, and before he can say anything, you take a spoonful of cake and shove it inside his mouth with an innocent smile. Mingyu chuckles from across you both, and Jungkook glares at you even though he happily swallows the cake and frowns in delight after.

“I’m not letting this go.” He says under his breath before throwing an arm on top of your chair.

“Whatever you say.” You roll your eyes. “Don’t you have some girl to flirt with? Why are you here?”

“What, I can’t be with you? The oldest friend I have in my life?” He mocks a heartache, which you don’t even pretend to care about. Jungkook doesn’t usually sit beside you during this kinda gathering because someone always pulls him first, and you’re sure he wants something from you. He pouts at your deadpanned eyes. “My social battery is out. I want to go home.”

“I’m not your mom.”

“They won’t let me go if I ask.” He whines like a kid. “Tell them you want to go home so I can go with you? Please?”

Mingyu watches the interaction in amusement. He knows a lot of people envy you for being able to bring this side out of Jungkook, but anyone with a working brain cell can tell that there’s nothing sort of romantic between you two. Even from the very first time he saw you, he could already tell that you and Jungkook are nothing but friends.

But sometimes people just see what they want to see, though fortunately you don’t seem to care about stuff like that. Mingyu doesn’t know you well enough, but it’s clear that you’re your own person and you don’t really care about what people say about you.

He’s seen first hand you ignoring some girl saying shit in front of your face due to your close relationship with Jungkook, simply saying ‘you done? I have class in ten minutes’ after they rambled and leaving them dumbfounded after. (He thinks you’re so cool after witnessing that by accident.)

It’s not a secret that Jungkook is protective of you though. He always is when it comes to his friends. And Mingyu also knows that some of his friends have backed out from shooting their shots because they don’t want to go through Jungkook.

Cowards.

If he was interested in you, he wouldn’t care all that much about Jungkook.

Alas.

“I’ll take you to that dessert place in Cheongdam if we go home now.” He hears Jungkook whisper, though he doesn’t see why the guy is whispering when no one seems to be listening to his hushed conversation with you except for him, that is.

“You’re paying.” You add before you stand up and announce you’re tired so you’re taking Jungkook home with you. Some people try to convince you to stay for a little bit more, but you make up some reasons about having to wake up early tomorrow.

“Can’t believe you’d use your friend like that, man.” Mingyu jokes when you leave to say bye to Chaeyoung and Chungha.

Jungkook shrugs. “That’s what friends are for.”

You tell Jungkook you’re ready to leave, and he immediately stands up from his seat and slings an arm around your shoulder. You give Mingyu a smile and a wave before proceeding to do the same to everyone else.

He fails to notice your shy demeanor when your eyes meet his, but Jungkook doesn’t and he brings it up the moment you’re inside the comfort of his car.

“So. Mingyu, huh?”

At this point, you’re not even surprised. But you’re going to play stupid first because why make it easy for him to pry?

“What’s with him?”

“Don’t play dumb.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Since when have you been crushing on him?” He shoots straight to it, and plasters his face right in front of yours.

You swat his face away and tell him to start the car already.

“I’m not doing shit until you tell me.”

“I thought you said you’re out of social battery?”

“You know you don’t count.”

“Oh, how special I’m feeling right now.”

You and Jungkook go into a stare off, and it’s during times like this that you hate his big, circle eyes because they get on your nerves. You sigh and repeat what you said earlier, saying that you’ll tell him as he drives you back home.

“You know I’m not going to say anything about it, right?” Jungkook says just in case.

“I know. I simply didn’t tell you because it’s nothing but a crush.” You connect your phone to his car’s bluetooth, choosing a random playlist on your Spotify. “I don’t like him enough for it to be worth mentioning.”

Apparently, he doesn’t believe this.

“Since when?”

“Why does it matter?”

“Since when?”

You sigh, regretting giving in to him.

“Like… a few months ago? That time you had practice until 1 in the morning and you asked me to pick you up.”

Jungkook’s answer is immediate together with a click of his tongue. “That’s not a crush alright. That was almost a semester ago.”

“Almost. So it’s not a semester ago.” If he wants to play stubborn, so can you.

“If you don’t like him enough, you wouldn’t be avoiding his eyes and zone out the way you did.”

“So, I’m a little shy, is that wrong?”

He softens at your defensive tone, and he takes one of your hands to squeeze it in comfort before letting it go.

“You know that’s not what I mean. Sure, let’s say it’s nothing but a crush–”

“–because it is–”

“–Why are you not doing anything about it? It’s been at least five months and you see him quite regularly.”

“I told you. It’s just a crush.” You shrug, failing to see why Jungkook is making a big deal out of this. “I don’t see us getting together. He’s way out of my league.”

Jungkook is actually so shocked he steps on the brake with a sudden force. Thankfully, it’s 11PM on a Thursday night and the road is practically empty.

“What the fuck do you mean he’s out of your league?” He’s offended for your sake, you realize, and while it warms you a little to know that he cares about you to this extent, you still don’t see why Jungkook is so adamant about this whole thing. “He’d be lucky to have you.”

“Dunno. Just feel that way. But like I said, it’s nothing but a crush, Kook. It’ll pass.”

He’s not satisfied with this answer, but you do that thing where you cross your arms and look out the window of his car, a sign that you’re done with this conversation.

So Jungkook drops it even though he’s skeptical it’ll really pass just like that. It’s not often that you’re interested in someone, and he knows for a fact that you tend to fall long and deep.

You ask him when he’ll be free to take you to the dessert place he promised earlier.

[✾✾✾]

Jungkook forgets time when he’s playing basketball, and it seems like he’s also forgotten he’s promised to drive you home today.

The day has felt particularly long for you for no reason and you figure it’s probably just one of those days. Since you woke up this morning, going home is the only thing you’re looking forward to, and if that doesn’t say enough, the fact that you don’t even have it in you to be annoyed at your friend should suffice because you really just want to go home and end the day.

There’s no time nor energy to be annoyed.

He doesn’t reply to your text when you ask where he is, and when you text Minghao and he says he’s on court, you simply exhale a deep breath before making your way there.

Mingyu is about to exit the court when you come in, and you don't realize just how bad your mood is until you see him and you don’t feel the usual rush of excitement. You don’t even register that it’s him until he calls you.

“Are you… okay?” He asks when he notices you’ve just noticed it’s him greeting you.

“Ah… yeah. Just one of those days.” You shrug, your smile way too polite for his liking. He doesn’t think he’s seen you like this, but, then again, he’s only seen so much of you.

That fact suddenly bothers him somehow.

For some reason, Mingyu feels like talking more. “You’re here to see Jungkook?”

In any other scenario, you would’ve noticed the question is stupid. You really only come there for Jungkook. Sometimes you’d go because Chaeyoung or Chungha wants to watch them practice, but you never go there alone if not for your childhood friend. This is a fact that everyone in the team is aware of.

Alas, you’re tired and you just want to go home.

“Yeah. He’s driving me home.”

If Mingyu notices how small your voice is, you don’t notice any shift in him because you’re too out of it.

“I don’t think he’s going to finish anytime soon.” He frowns, turning to where Jungkook is. The guy hasn’t noticed you yet, your figure is probably partly hidden by Mingyu’s and he’s way too focused on the game to see you anyway.

Mingyu isn’t sure what makes him say what he says next, but he does anyway.

“Do you… want me to bring you home instead?”

You’re so surprised that you practically snap your neck to finally see him in the eyes. You’re probably looking at him weird, because Mingyu immediately says he’s simply offering because you look too tired to be waiting around for Jungkook.

“Oh… no, sorry. Just didn’t expect you to offer, that’s all.” You reassure him. “I wouldn’t want to burden you, anyway. But thanks for offering.”

“You sure?” He asks, once again telling you that the current game has just started and Jungkook’s going to take quite some time to finish. “I don’t mind, really.”

Tomorrow, when your mood has picked up and your weak-ass-Mingyu-centric heart has started to work again, you’d wonder about why Mingyu offered at all. You’d be thinking about it for days to come, making all sorts of scenarios in your head.

But that’s a problem for you tomorrow. Right now you just want to go home with Jungkook because you can’t be bothered to walk to the bus stop when he has a perfectly working car that you can let your guard down in.

Plus, he has promised to bring you home. Since you stepped into the university this morning, you’ve been imagining going into his car, staring into space, and arriving right in front of your door without much hurdles. That’s what you want right now.

It’s then that Jungkook finally catches your eyes. He takes one glance at you and drops the basketball, the guy in front of him curses until he sees you; seemingly understanding the reason with your presence.

“You okay?” He asks right away, and when you tell him you want to go home, he curses and apologizes for forgetting to pick you up at your building. He wouldn’t be this courteous had you been in your usual mood, probably would ask you to wait until the game ended, but Jungkook knows when not to push it and today is certainly that day. “I’ll just get my stuff, okay?”

He only notices Mingyu after he says this, and when he asks his friend what he’s doing with you, it’s you who tells him to move faster because you’re tired.

“I’ve never seen Jungkook let go of a basketball so fast.” He remarks after the guy leaves, making you chuckle a little.

“He knows when I’m tired.” You offer. “And I’m not tired often, so…” Before Mingyu can say anything, you add, “Anyway, thanks again for offering. I appreciate it.”

“Anytime.” He says, surprisingly genuine and a little bit hopeful with what he says after. “If Jungkook is ever unavailable, feel free to text me and I’ll take you home instead if I could.”

You wonder if Mingyu does this to everyone he knows.

Chaeyoung and Chungha squeals the next day when you tell them about it, already betting that Mingyu is into you because there’s no way he’s not interested if he offers (insists?) to take you home like that.

You tell them he’s probably just being nice and it means nothing.

Your head (and heart) disagrees and you continue to think about it for weeks to come.

[✾✾✾]

Unfortunately, Jungkook is correct when he said you like Mingyu a little too much for it to just be another crush.

You’re not even sure how it comes to be, but the feeling now bothers you because you’d frown when you see yet another poor soul confessing to Mingyu even if they’re rejected; because you’d look at Lisa and wonder what it’s like to be her who can freely hog Mingyu to herself because they’re that comfortable with each other; because you’d find yourself staring at him a little too long that Chaeyoung needs to remind you not to be too obvious; because you’d be too conscious around him that you’re not you anymore everytime you hang out with the team now.

You hate it.

You hate being conscious around your friend and you’re trying to find a way to let go of your feelings.

“Confess to him?” Chaeyoung offers. “Or I suppose talking to Jungkook would be better. He’d know what to say because he’s close with the guy. Or do you want me to ask Lisa? I talk to her from time to time.”

“Confess, huh.” You ponder, the idea has never crossed your mind before. Things might get awkward between you and Mingyu after, but you’ll live because it’s not like you’re super close or anything. There’s no real loss, if you want to be completely honest.

Perhaps confessing would be the closure you need: have him reject you and move on. Sometimes a cold slap of reality is what you need, anyway.

“You think I should tell Kook first? Just in case it gets awkward between them?”

“Wait, you’re really considering it?” Chungha sits straight, not expecting you to actually take the idea. “What if he rejects you?”

“That’s the goal. Get rejected and move on.”

The two girls share a look, unsure what to say.

“But… you’ll be heartbroken…”

“At least it means I’ll finally get my closure. That’s the first step of moving on.” You’re a little too cool about the whole thing for their liking, but you’ve always been this kind of person and they don’t see why they should stop you if you think that’s what you need.

“You sure?”

You’re not, but you don’t think you have any other choice and the feeling is starting to get very irritating. So you make your way to the basketball court to find Jungkook after class.

Of course, it’s the object of your affection who sees you first, and you give him a tightlipped smile before asking for your friend.

Apparently, he’s in the changing room, and after sending a junior to call for Jungkook, Mingyu starts a small talk to keep you company. “He’s taking you home again today?”

“Ah, no. Got something to talk about real quick.” You say with an awkward smile. Like you say, you hate being conscious like this, you’re sure Mingyu can feel your awkwardness, and you hate that you might’ve made him uncomfortable too without meaning to.

Poor thing doesn’t even know why you’re being awkward.

“Sup.” Jungkook calls for you the moment he steps into the court, and you wave at Mingyu before leaving him by himself to go to Jungkook.

He watches you take your friend by the arm to a corner where no one’s around, and then he sees Jungkook shake his head before you two start whispering to each other. He’s pretty sure Jungkook’s eyes linger at him for quite a few seconds before he looks at you again, his palm squeezes your arm once before he says something that Mingyu obviously can’t make out from where he’s at.

He’s not sure why he’s paying this much attention, but he is and he wonders if something has happened to you because Jungkook looks concerned, a frown evident on his face. He bites his lip a little, and Mingyu looks away when Jungkook glances at him once more.

Are you two talking about him?

There isn’t really anything to talk about though… right?

Something nags on the back of his head, but Mingyu can’t quite tell what it is and he’s not sure what to make out of it anyway.

Why… does he care again?

“You’re leaving?” Mingyu asks when he sees you make your way to him. At your nod and your small smile, Mingyu finds himself asking before he can even stop himself. “Are you okay?”

You seem surprised, but the corner of your lips lift a little higher when you assure him that you’re fine. You hesitate before you say your next words, but Mingyu patiently waits anyway.

“Are you… playing today?”

“Me? No, I’m done for the day. Why?”

“Can I talk to you for a bit?”

Mingyu blinks in confusion, not seeing where this could be going at all. Does this have to do with whatever you were talking about with Jungkook earlier?

“Sure.” He shrugs. And when he looks around, his eyes meet Jungkook’s whose expression isn’t all that readable. “Here?”

You end up somewhere outside the building, where it’s quiet and no one’s present. If Mingyu isn’t too caught up in concern, he would notice that this scenario is way too familiar; one that he’s gone through one too many times. After all, how many times have people told him they needed to tell him something and brought him somewhere quiet to confess?

But it doesn’t even occur to him. Perhaps he simply doesn’t think you’re into him and there’s obviously no way this talk would go down that road.

“Are you really okay?” Mingyu asks again, even more concerned this time. It’s then that he realizes that this is the first time when it’s just the two of you. You’ve never talked with him privately before, don’t really have any reason to.

“Yeah. Just need to tell you something.”

You feel like you’re going to burst if you delay it even one more second, so you just blurt it in one go to get it over with.

“I like you.”

Obviously, it’s not something that Mingyu can simply get over with.

“I’m sorry?”

He looks extremely confused, most likely caught off guard. But you’re happy to know that you’re feeling lighter now that you’ve let it out there. You find yourself not really caring about what Mingyu has to say, which is selfish on your part, but you’re really just glad that you feel better almost instantly after you say it out loud.

“I’m not expecting anything, don’t worry.” It’s the first time Mingyu has received a confession where the other party doesn’t seem shy and expectant and he’s not sure what to make of your relieved smile. “It’s a little selfish of me, but I just think it’d be better to confess and leave it there.”

You’re way too busy being glad to notice Mingyu is frozen in place, not expecting the relief to be that instant. You would’ve confessed earlier if you knew, but what matters is you finally did and you can only hope Mingyu won’t feel awkward with Jungkook. You can just not come to the game for a bit if it’s uncomfortable for anyone, but Jungkook is in the team and you’d hate to make it weird for them.

“Anyway, no need to be awkward with Jungkook, alright? I already told him everything.” What did you say to him, exactly? Mingyu wants to ask, but he’s too dumbfounded to even say anything. And it’s when you tell him that’s all you had to say before turning to leave that he snaps out of it and takes your arm in reflex.

“Sorry–wait. No.” He stumbles over his words. The way you’re looking at him in question is adorable, and Mingyu suddenly wonders if you’ve always been this cute. Has he simply not realized because you’re always with Jungkook?

Anyhow, this doesn’t feel like a confession at all despite your honesty about your feelings. Who confesses and leaves before hearing an answer?

You, apparently.

But, then again, what is he doing stopping you from leaving? It’s not like he reciprocates your feelings or anything. But it feels weird to be on the receiving end of a confession like this. Shouldn’t he thank you for not making him reject you?

“Wait. You… like me?”

“Is it weird?” You frown, almost offended. You look at his fingers on your wrist, and Mingyu squeezes it once before letting go.

“No! No, that’s not what I meant.” He waves in denial. “Just… uh… didn’t expect it, I guess.”

You laugh with a shake of your head, and this is truly the first confession Mingyu has ever received in which the other person isn’t nervous and isn’t asking for a chance. You’re not even showing any sign of being shy.

If anything, you look even more relaxed than before.

“Well, like I said I’m not expecting anything from you.” Mingyu wonders if you’ve ever smiled this big around him before. He’s pretty sure you haven’t, because he would remember a smile this beautiful otherwise. “So, no need to say anything back and, again, don’t be awkward with Jungkook, okay? If it’s uncomfortable for you, I can just not go to the games for a while.”

Are you seriously thinking about him being awkward with Jungkook when it’s you confessing to him right now?

“You don’t need to… uh… not go.” Mingyu stutters out of nowhere, and he curses himself for being awkward when you don’t even seem uncomfortable in the slightest bit. “We don’t need to be awkward, right?”

You shrug, your face void of any awkwardness. “If you say so. I’ll be on my way now. Thank you for not being weird about this, by the way.”

And as you leave him with a much better mood he found you in earlier, Mingyu wonders why he feels like he’s the one being rejected when it’s you confessing to him.

[✾✾✾]

You have expected Mingyu to be a little weird and awkward around you after the confession.

But you didn’t expect him to be around you.

It seems like, after the whole thing, he’s adamant to be close to you everytime he could. He’d sit beside you when you join team dinner, he’d accompany you when you’re waiting for Jungkook, and he’d even reply to your Instagram stories from time to time.

You don’t think too much about it, though it does annoy you a little because it’s making moving on harder. At least you’re no longer conscious around him and the others, which was the most annoying thing before and what drove you to confess in the first place.

Chaeyoung and Chungha (even Jungkook) ask you about it from time to time, but you’re consistent in your answer: that there’s nothing going on between you two and you simply confessed for the sake of confessing.

It’s been about a month since you confessed and Mingyu is immensely confused.

For someone who claims to like him, you’re not showing any sign that you’re into him at all. If anything, you seem uninterested; like he’s just a friend of a friend (which he kinda is). At some point, Mingyu even wonders if you’re simply messing with him.

He also wonders if that’s the reason why he starts paying attention to you instead. He becomes conscious of your presence, and he dares to say he’s enjoying it.

He finds himself smiling when you do, and he finds himself leaning to where you’re at every chance he gets.

And now, he finds himself thinking why you confessed the way you did. Why didn’t you ask for a chance? Mingyu is straightforward when it comes to turning down confessions, but he suddenly wonders if he’d try it out with you had you not simply gone on your way that day.

If there’s one thing Mingyu is bad at, it’s containing his curiosity. That, along with the fact that you seem pretty chill, pushes him to where he’s at right now: with you in the bubble tea place in front of university.

Jungkook and Minghao are whining for some, and when you volunteer to get it for them, it leads to a couple of other members of the team to ask the same too. Before Jungkook sighs and offers to go with you, Mingyu volunteers first because he wants to.

There. He admits it. He wants to spend some time with you.

As you two wait for your orders, you both sit at one of the tables and that’s when Mingyu decides to ask.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Hm?”

“When you… uh… confessed to me.” You don’t seem appalled to be talking about it, which encourages Mingyu to continue. “Why… Did you say you’re not expecting me to answer?”

“Uh, because I know you’re not into me? I know you’re going to reject me anyway.”

Mingyu frowns, his fingers that are drumming against the table stop at your words. “Why would you assume that?”

“Well, am I wrong?” You chuckle, and he doesn’t know what to make of your nonchalance. But he knows that it bothers him that you automatically think he’d reject you. Is that the kind of image you have of him? (It’s not entirely untrue, he is clear when it comes to rejection.) Or do you simply think he wouldn’t be into you?

“What if I say you are?” Mingyu decides to go for it. What he feels for you is not strong enough to be called ‘love’, maybe not even ‘like’ just yet, but he’s definitely into you and the thought of spending time with you has been clouding his thoughts over and over again like a heavy rain these days.

He can definitely see–no–feel himself falling for you deeper as time passes by. He just needs more time to get there, preferably with you.

“What are you saying?” You shake your head, trying to hide the fact that you’re flustered like your heart isn’t beating way too fast that it almost hurts. What is he saying, really?

“Go on a date with me.”

“No.”

Mingyu blinks, sure that he’s heard wrong. “No?”

But you’re clear when you repeat your answer.

“What do you mean no?” He asks, genuinely confused. “Didn’t you just say you liked me, like, a month ago?”

“I told you I simply confessed for the sake of it.” You remind him, though your calm tone relaxes him in ways he can’t really explain. Perhaps he’s just glad you’re not making a big deal out of it. “I’ve never had any thoughts of dating you.”

“Why?”

“You’re you.” You say like it’s obvious, but Mingyu is once again offended for you and he frowns before he asks.

“What does that even mean?”

“You’re Kim Mingyu, the basketball star with the perfect GPA.” You start to list all of his titles and his accomplishments in university, and it’s the first time that Mingyu doesn’t feel good at someone complimenting him. For once, he’s not all that proud of those things you’ve just listed down. “And I’m… me. People probably only know me as Jungkook’s close friend. Chaeyoung and Chungha’s plain friend. And I don’t mind being known as such, but it should explain why I don’t think I have any chance with you.”

Mingyu frowns, and he stares at you a little too hard that you can’t tell at all what he’s trying to express.

“I don’t like how you imply you’re not exceptional.”

“Because I am not.” You shrug, not getting why Mingyu sounds upset. “And it’s okay. Nothing bad about being ordinary. I like being ordinary. I can’t imagine getting all that attention you get everywhere you go.”

Mingyu kind of gets what you’re saying, but he still doesn’t like that you consider yourself ordinary. Nothing, not one single thing, that you’ve done to him has been ordinary. Not the way you confessed, not the way you act after you confessed, not the words you’re telling him right now.

And, now that he’s been paying more attention to you, nothing you do is sort of ordinary. You’re straightforward when you need to be, and you know exactly what you want and how to say them without sounding demanding. You’re not soft spoken and he means it in the best way possible, you’re good at reading the room and you know when to play dumb if that’s what the situation calls for. You know when to prioritize yourself and when you should prioritize your friends without being too selfless nor selfish.

If someone like you is what you consider ordinary, he doesn’t know what kind of person you’d consider special.

To Mingyu, you’re already as special as someone can possibly be.

How can you be ordinary if you confessed and then said ‘no’ when the said person asked you out on a date?

Wait. Did you think he was kidding?

“Anyway, I wasn’t kidding when I asked if you want to go on a date with me.”

“And I wasn’t kidding when I said no.” You chuckle a little, making Mingyu all the more confused.

“Why?”

“I told you. You’re Mingyu.” When he demands more explanation with the look in his eyes, you finally give in to honesty. “You’re too handsome. Too perfect, in fact. It’s burdensome to be with you. I don’t feel worthy enough.” You scrunch your face, and Mingyu needs to contain himself before he reaches out to squish your face.

Funnily enough, Mingyu doesn’t feel offended when you say this, just entirely dumbfounded that the things that are supposedly good are the reason why you don’t want to go on a date with him. Plus, what do you mean you’re not worthy enough?

“I’m nothing like that. No one is perfect”

You roll your eyes and wave a hand in dismissal. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever. You’re still too handsome. If you’re, like, only a little handsome, I would’ve said yes.”

Mingyu bursts into laughter, not getting what you’re saying at all and finding the whole thing funny at this point. But if there’s one thing you should’ve known about him, it’s that he’s stubborn and he’s competitive.

He’s not the basketball captain for no reason.

“You know you’re not making any sense?” He asks after his laughter dies down. But then something hits his mind and he gets serious. “Do you not like me anymore?”

“I still do.” You reassure, much too chill like the feeling doesn’t bother you. Should Mingyu be grateful? “But I told you you’re too handsome and a little burdensome to date. That’s why I confessed, did I not tell you? I just wanted you to reject me and move on from then.”

Mingyu blinks once. And then twice. Mouth a little ajar as his head tries to proceed your words

Not one single word from your mouth makes sense. Did you just say you confessed to him because you want to get rejected? Anyhow, now he knows you still like him and that leaves him one thing to do: convince you to go on a date with him.

“There’s no way I’m letting you move on.” He grins, now sure about his plan moving forward. You look at him confused, though he can tell that you’re a little flustered and he can’t help but think he wants to see more of that. “You’re going on a date with me, alright?”

You huff a chuckle, incredulous, and one corner of your lip lifts in genuine amusement. “I guess if you’re able to convince me somehow.”

“Deal.” Mingyu grins and you feel giddiness fill you inside out like never before as he stares at you with determination. “Remember that you allowed me to try. You don’t get to complain later on that I won’t stop following you every chance I get.”

[✾✾✾]

A/N: so here goes the latest shiny star!! this is both "Mingyu's birthday is closeby" and "I got a sudden strike of inspiration" lol. i finished writing this in like,, 2, 3 days? anyhow, i hope you like this as much as i do. pls do tell me what you think of it <;3 again, i didn't think shiny star would get to this point when i wrote wonwoo's lol but i'm thankful a lot of you seems to like it hehe

permanent taglist: @kyeomjjigae @stantrash171819 @sebongmochi @luveveryonewoo @thinkinboutwonu @kpopjackie @ursweetener @lavenderautumnx @itsveronicaxxx @shuahoshiscoups @sunshinein17@leechanniee@twogyuu@hoe4wonwoo@h3h3tm0n@noraehey @seokshook@rubyhoons @02psh @just-here-to-read-01 @listxn @janandbeyond @pearlygraysky @baekhyunstruly @svtreverie @coveyland @reallydgafaboutmyusername @sysymei @ovai @aikisbbq @fr0g-filez

#mingyu fluff #mingyu scenarios #seventeen fluff #caratwritersclub #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fic #seventeen au #mingyu au #mingyu imagines #mingyu x reader #seventeen x reader #seventeen scenario #seventeen imagines #seventeen #mingyu #svt fic #svt au #mingyu fic

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all-about-niki · 7 months

Text

Love songs🩵🦕

Pairing: Riize Anton x Reader

Summary: After a busy and tiring day at work Anton feels like cuddles would make him feel much more better…

Note🍓—> this is my favorite story yet , cause I just started standing Riize and Anton stole my heart (gasp) I love him soooooo much🔥🩵 p.s I’m not cheating on Niki👀😂

You were sitting in bed reading your favorite fantasy book, while eating some sweets that were placed next to you, the night was very calming and peaceful but as time went on you started realizing how late it was, and Anton wasn’t home yet so you stared worrying of course Anton is olds enough to be out at this time but you were not sure that it was still safe for him so you took out your phone and dialed his number and waited for him to answer but he didn’t so you called his group member Sungchan luckily he picked it up “Hey Y/n what’s up?” He asked in a tired voice “ohh sorry if I woke you up but umm do you know where Anton is?” You asked him getting anxious “No I- he left before all of us did so I don’t know why he wouldn’t be there yet” he said making You worry even more “oh okay- I’ll tell you when he gets home then Bye” you said before ending the call you looked at your window and it was starting to rain ,your eyes widened and you ran to your closet to get two raincoats one for you and one for your boyfriend,you put yours on and started running down the stairs, and grabbed your keys but before you could open the door, the door slightly opened revealing a drenched sad Anton , worry was visible on your eyes as you ran up to him and hugged him avoiding the fact that your clothes were getting wet by hugging him

you waited for him to finish bathing before walking into the room your boyfriend just l sat in bed looked outside at the rain, you made sure that you don’t startle him as you walked slowly towards him and got in bed also you looked at him, watching him you couldn’t help but notice a tear drop leave his eye “Anton do you want to talk about it or-” before you could finish your sentence he lays on your chest and Hugh’s you tightly, you could feel the tears that were staring to wet your clothes even more then last time , you decided to run your hand through his hair and started patting his back “it’s okay, you’ll tell me what happened later okay” you said in a soothing voice, you can hear him stop crying and he looked up at you with blood shot eyes this made your heart break cause usually your boyfriend was always happy and joyful so watching him cry was a painful sight to you “it’s- it’s just that I was so stressed today because I c- couldn’t thing of any lyrics or title for our new album and I really want it to be a song that everyone would love and not discriminate it I- I feel like I’m just useless, I’m not talented like the others, all I could do was write songs for us but now I can’t even d-do that” he said before crying into your chest again “Baby you are talented and amazing at making music okay and I know that for sure, look you might not be at your members level of talent but you should never doubt your skills okay you have such a beautiful voice you sing so amazing, you are perfect just the way you are okay so please don’t cry okay” You said wiping away his tears

They both sat in silence lost in their thoughts “aha I’ve got it” the silence was broken by Anton who was now looking at Y/n with puffy eyes and a red nose that in Y/n eyes he still looked beautiful “what?” “I know what to write about now” he said getting up gently and went to his back that was laying on the floor and took out a pen and a note book “what are you gonna write about” she asked sitting up on her bed, Anton walked towards the bed again and sat on it “ it’s going to be a love song” he said smiling widely at her with his hands in the air “a love song and how did you come to that idea?” Y/n asked him chuckling to herself “well you of course you’re the inspiration to this beautiful song I’m going to write” he said poking her nose cutely “really but isn’t that cringe…I mean a love song in this Generation…people these days are more into HIP-HOP, RAP OR EVEN SAD SONGS so I don’t think they’ll listen to love songs” she said looking at him worried that she might have ruined his song but to her surprise he was smiling at her “Listen children these days are depressed and when I mean depressed I mean depressed , depressed so a good little love might put some 🫧POSITIVITY🫧in their life , and to be honest I’ve heard a lot of children our age listening to love songs so I think I made the write idea” he said happily getting into bed again “yah I’m sure your right” she said looking at him “ofc I am you see ThInK pOsItIvE!!” He shouted softly holding her head and shaking it slightly making her giggle “okay okay let me go then” she said laughing at him before he let go of her and placed a kiss on her lips “Iets sleep now” she said turning of the lights “ goodnight Y/n” he said moving toward her and cuddling her again “goodnight love” Y/n said cuddling him back “I love you so much” she said looking down at him “I love you too babe” he said trying to hide the fact that he was blushing but Y/n noticed and just smiled at herself before going to sleep…

So guys this is my first But not last FF of Anton…I think I might even do other members I don’t known I’ll see as time goes…BYEEEE!!!🧸🪩🩷

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softsan · 7 months

Text

— bias tag game *ੈ✩‧₊˚

rules: you're going to pick 10 of your biases (or as many biases as you have and then fill in the rest of the spots with idols you like) and number them 1-10. then answer the questions below! try not to look at the questions before you make your list! (thank you for tagging mee @calibali22 ✨ )

moni's bias list - in no particular order.

1. hyunjin (stray kids) 2. san (ateez) 3. wooyoung (ateez) san (ateez) 4. doyoung (nct) 5. yeonjun (txt) 6. yuta (nct) 7. seonghwa (ateez) 8. felix (stray kids) 9. yoongi (bts) 10. jake (enhypen)

1. Between 7 and 5, who did you bias first?

Seonghwa 🥺

2. Between 2 and 6, who are you more attached to?

Ahhh, I love em' both but I have say San. My love. My mountain.

3. If you were to spend the day with either 3 or 1, who would you choose and what would you do?

I think I'd have an absolute blast with Wooyoung, like we've never stop laughing. Wooyoung is very charismatic, and quick-witted so I feel like we'd bond instantly. I'd love to go siteseeing with him aha, I feel like he'd offer the best commentary (tho he'd be like making things up as he goes). We'd just walk around an unknown city struggling to navigate but we'd find the most charming place to cafe where we could rest.

4. What is your favorite physical feature about 9?

His gummy smile. My heart.

5. What is your favorite part of 6's personality?

I love how bold he can be. He's spontaneous and very curious. I also love seeing him being enthusiastic about things.

6. If you were to tell 8 anything you wanted, what would you tell them?

Please don't push youself too hard, and please make sure you're taking care of yourself! 💕

7. Between 1 and 2, whose closet would you raid?

Hyunjin! Boi is so stylish, I cannot.

8. What is a style that you want to see 3 try?

Oreo hair! 🔈 I know he's done it, but I loveeee his hair like that.

9. Between 5 and 4, who are you closer to in height?

Doyoung, but both of them are a lot taller than me lols.

10. Between 10 and 9, whose music do you like the best?

Yoongi! I adore his solo music and always look forward to his new releases.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

tagging (no pressure): @nyukyujs, @tqmies, @prodsh00ky, @vickylamore, @solaysa, @@h3arteyes4mingi, @@haosworld-97, @brokecollegenerd

#tag game

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torotoro0 · 2 years

Text

Enemies? Or….

`~Miles Fairchild x Reader~` {Part 5/?}

{Click for Chapters}

A/N: Sorry part 5 took a very long time but i hope you enjoy this chapter!

Your Pov

Last night's slumber was horrendous, I had a nightmare that Miles was chasing me with his black horse carrying a whip. >:(.

.......

Today I had basically nothing to do, I sat on the edge of my bed staring at a wall, BORED. The sun was setting but there was still some light left. I was about to write something when-

"Hey" Miles opens my door.

"The heck? don't you know how to knock?" I roll my eyes.

"No. but.." He enters the room.

"Can you come with me to ride Samson?" He asks out of the blue.

"Eh? your so weird Fairchild, you already know my answer but you still ask." his eyes met mine and he looked like a stray puppy....

A smelly ugly one.

"Fine, fine" I wave my hand as he grins.

"Come on" he grabs my hand and pulls me outside.

{to the stables~~}

"What is the main reason why you ask me to do this again?" I ask as I balance myself on top of Samson.

"Nothing, stop asking questions" He replies as he hops unto the horse's back.

"Make sure to hold tight, since it will be a rough ride" I glare at him.

"What? You expect me to let you hold my waist like its a romantic movie or something? aha no way. Hold tight somewhere else" He suddenly charges Samson forward and I had to hold the rope thing attached to the horse to avoid falling.

{Falling, for him?}

"Where are we going?"

"I'll tell you when we get there." He rolls his eyes.

We passed by the track field I got lost in and past by the Koi pond. He then made a sharp turn for the right and stopped there.

"I don't need help" I said as he tried to aid me to get down. I look at him to check if he got annoyed but his eyes had this glint of sadness to it.

"Let's go, your too slow" He hurried me.

............

We finally arrive after a long walk, and we entered a garden, but not just any garden, it was an alive one. It had a mini fountain in the middle that had a statue of a fairy and there was a big tree that carried a swing.

There were roses and sunflowers everywhere, It even had { your favorite flower}.

"Y/N! Y/N! over here!" I heard a small voice calling for me.

"Flora your here too?" I approach her.

"She is the reason why I brought you here" He shrugs. I hadn't known there was any place like this in this dead estate! I am so excited!.

"Thanks...Miles" Even if he's my nemesis, he also needs to be thanked by his good actions {sometimes}.

Miles Pov

"Thanks.. Miles" She smiles at me. I cross my arms and turn around. Shit! how dare she-.

"Welcome.." I was a blushing mess!.

{they are 15 years old now}

{Dramatic Flashback from 7 years ago}

"Miles, come here for a second" my dad waved at me.

I went to him and was met with a sight of a little girl.

"Miles, this is Y/N, Y/N this is my son Miles" My dad implied. She- she is pretty, I guess, but nothing compares to Flora.

"Hi Miles, I'm Y/N nice too meet you" she urges a handshake.

"Nice to meet you too" I only said that but I didn't want a handshake.

"oh well- me and Y/N's parents will have a chat you go and play in your room alright?" My dad announced.

After they've left I grab her wrists and led her outside.

"I thought your dad said to you ROOM" she snatches her wrists back.

"Well I want to play with Samson" I shrug.

"Who's Samson?" she questions.

"Come, I'll show you"

we arrive at the stables.

"Here.. is Samson" I point to the horse. "He is my horse and that white one is my mom's".

"Wow! Can you ride them?" She crosses her arms.

"Of course I can!" I cross my arms. "who taught you?"

"Quint".

"Who's Quint?" ugh so much questions.

"He is a teacher of mine for riding lessons" I reply as I stroke Samson.

{BACK}

"Miles?" Y/N waves her hand.

"W-what is it?" I snap back. "Are you okay, you've been staring at the entrance for a long time" she touches my forehead.

"Hm.. you don't have a fever though" your blushing like crazy right now, I slap her hand as I got away from her.

"Your so weird" I insult her.

{After moments of playing with flora}

"Come on flora its getting dark we have to go home" I told her.

"You go home with Y/N, I'll catch up" She shoos me away.

"What! no! I can't leave a child here" I argue.

"please Miles?" she stares at me.

"Fine" I roll my eyes, "Lets go Y/N".

"Bye Flora!" she waves to her.

..........

"Can we explore the estate for a moment?" she asks me as I hop on Samson.

"Why? and its getting dark" Isn't she afraid of what lurks from within?

"Please, I tend to forget the lay out of the estate" she fiddles with her hands. What the heck is wrong with her, awhile ago she was all strong and mighty now she looks a little girl who got lost in a theme park! I thought

"Fine, fine" I roll my eyes.

We explored the estate for a while and then we entered the maze. "Do we really need to explore this? you already memorize the route!" I complained.

"It's just I'm too bored in the mansion, so why not explore with you?" I blush at her sentence, Was that just me? or did I just hear it wrong.

We made turns and turns around the maze with Samson when-

"Miles come back!" Kate chases us.

"The heck does she want?" I mumble. "I.. think she wants a RACE!" Y/N exclaims.

"Eh? A race? well if that's what she wants, she'll get it" I smirk as I increase Samson's speed.

"Miles! Y/N!" She screams.

"My telepathic power thinks she wants us to speed up more!" Y/N glances to me.

"Sure then" I nod, I increase the horse's speed, suddenly I felt Y/N hugging my waist.

"That was too sudden you dingus!" she yells. I was a blushing mess that's why I didn't answer her.

I took a sharp turn and lost her for a second but she came right back just on the other side of the hedges.

"Miles! stop right now!" she yells.

"This is kinda fun with you hahaha" Y/N laughs. Hah, she sounds so angelic- I-I mean she sound so ugly!.

We both looked at Kate and all of a sudden her face contorted into a scared one.

Kate's Pov

"Miles! stop right now!" I yell at them, why aren't they stopping?

I suddenly saw the both of them laugh. And for a split second their faces warped into Quint and Ms. Jessel's faces.

I saw Flora in front of me and I stopped the horse, then everything went blank.

Miles' Pov

We were both laughing when Kate's face contorted into a scared one, we both stopped our laughs and looked at each other.

"The heck did she see?" she asks.

"I don't know but it definitely scared her" I chuckle.

"That's just plain rude to laugh at her like that" she slaps my shoulder and rolls her eyes.

"Hey! its fun for me!" then we looked over to Kate who suddenly stopped her horse and fell down.

We approach her and knelt beside her.

"Is she gonna be okay?" I ask Y/N.

"Of course its just minor, concussion" He checks her heartbeat.

"We just have to take her home"

{After all the commotion}

Me and Y/N sat on the couch; EXHAUSTED, First, we put Kate on the horse and the both of us had to walk coming home. Secondly, The walk home was so far that our feets started to ache.

"I'm so tired" she cracks her fingers.

"I could say the same" I reply as I yawn.

"Where did you two kids go that Kate fainted?" Mrs. Grose asks us.

"We-"

"We went to the maze then Kate chased us, I don't even know why, then she fell of the horse and fainted." She cut me off.

"You kids need to be careful ok?" She reminds us then heads to the kitchen.

"I'm going" she stands up "good night" Y/N waves, not looking back

"Good night"

A/N: Part 6 coming soon!

#miles fairchild x reader #stranger things 4 #finn wolfhard #max mayfield #miles fairchild #finn wolfhard x reader #enemies to lovers #flora fairchild #stranger things season 4 #st4 #stranger things x reader #mike wheeler x reader

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matenrou-fan · 1 year

Note

hi hi ! 🌙 anon here! first off let me say, i loved the sasara introducing his s/o to the rest of dh (that was my ask aha) :D you might be able to tell by my asks that i ~might~ like sasara a little too much lol!

i actually have another request if thats cool. would you be able to do some headcanons for how sasara, doppo, and rei would comfort a reader who's having an anxiety attack (their s/o crying from stress maybe after having a rough day?) thank you !!:)

Sasara, Doppo, and Rei comfort NB! s/o who's having an anxiety attack

omg hiiii bestie!!! <3 I'm so happy that you like it ahhhh!! ^^ hope you will enjoy this one too!!

NBreader, hurt/comfort;;

-Sasara knows how painful it can be, not being able to control your negative thoughts that keep growing and growing inside your head, displacing all hope and happiness. And he doesn't want you to feel the same.

-Oh, this is one of the rare occasions when he completely forgot about his goofy behavior.

-"Here, here, s/o, look at me.." - he quickly gets closer and holds your hands tightly. - "Look, I'm here, everything will be alright now.. Come closer.."

-Honestly, Sasara gets used to just closing his eyes at his own troubles and just throwing jokes in it, thinking it would be enough to not feel them, but he just can't make fun of your stress.

-More so, he also doesn't want you to repeat this unhealthy pattern from him, telling that you should always call him when feel bad, even when he's performancing. If he can't be near you in this moment he at least would try to soothe you through phone.

-Would ask about all things that bother you, even about something small. Sasara know that sometimes small minor stuff exactly the reason why you get overwhelmed, affect you more than something big, that why he's ready to think about all your problems equally carefully. You can vent to him for whole evening, he can be not only good talker but also a good listener.

-It's just hurt his heart, to see you crying that much, curled up on his chest, so Sasara would do anything to cheer you up.

-Would check on you more often after your first panic attack, as Sasara doesn't want it to be a causal part of your life.

-"Feels a little better?" - he whisper softly, caressing your hair. - "Okay, then what do you think about dinner? I will make your favorite dish today, and you just sit and relax on kitchen while I'm cooking.."

-Honestly it takes him a lot of strength not to start panicking too.

-But he absolutely understands you at this moment, due to how much stress Doppo has on his work. His everyday life is full of negative thoughts but he doesn't want you to feel the same even for a few minutes.

-He knows some techniques that can quickly calm you down and distract you from the bad things, as he himself uses them very often.

-"S/o, s/o, look at me..!" - he grabs your shoulders, trying to calm down his own chills. - "Come on, five things you can see? Okay, me, your phone, and..?"

-Also, you always help him when he feels drained and empty, so that means he should pay you the same favor. Many cuddles and soft kisses as he knows how much it can soothe the body and soul. (And of course he just wants to be as close as he can to you, over worried about your well-being)

-Despite Doppo always throwing away his problems and not really trying to solve them, he's willing to listen to your cries. You're different, after all, and he is ready to think hard to help you in any way he can, just to see you smile again.

-It doesn't matter how tired he is today, he will sit by your side as long as you need, arms not leaving your trembling body even for a second as he keeps caressing your arms or hugging your shoulders. Doppo just wants to show through every action that he's right here for you, and always would be here.

-"It's okay, s/o.. We all have bad days. B-but now you have me..!" - he takes your hands and squeezes it a little bit. - "As your boyfriend, I will make sure to work hard to reduce your problems to zero.. Just believe in me, I will do everything I can for you..!"

-Will also ask Jakurai to recommend a good psychologist who's will help you to get through it.

-Surprisingly caring and soft when you have anxiety attacks.

-Rei's an old man, after all. He gets through many hard things in his life and knows how to quickly calm down all negative thoughts in his minds and how to soothe a trembling body from all these chills.

-"Come here, s/o..There.." - he quickly embraced you, letting you rest your head on his chest. It doesn't matter if you will make his shirt wet with your tears, he doesn't mind. - "There, I'm with you, okay? You're safe now.."

-In your casual simple bad days he would just spoil you with some presents or a little date in a restaurant, but today Rei wants to show his more gentle side and just sit at home with you.

-Well, it IS kinda hard for him, as he gets used to only having fun with his quick affairs, without any worries about his lover's state. But he sees the relationship with you as something more intimate, as you get much closer to his heart than any other person, and he wants to learn again how to properly show his care and love.

-So you can vent to Rei even for the whole evening, he will listen carefully to all your problems, slowly caressing your back with his warm hands.

-And of course he's willing to help, as for him solving all your problems is just one of the ways to show how much you mean to him. But he wouldn't tell you how exactly, as this cunning con man doesn't want you to worry even more.

-Will try to spend more quality time with you all alone, no clubs or restaurants, so you would relax more in his company.

-"Mm, don't worry that much, s/o. I would take care of all your problems.." - Rei nods and looks at you with a small smile. - "But only if you smile again and promise me to never keep it to yourself, okay? Always tell me when you feel that bad.."

#hypmic x reader #hypmic imagines #hypmic #hypnosis mic #sasara nurude x reader #sasara x reader #hypmic sasara #sasara nurude #hypnosis mic Sasara #doppo kannonzaka x reader #doppo kannonzaka #doppo x reader #hypnosis mic doppo #hypmic doppo #hypnosis mic rei #hypmic rei #rei amayado x reader #rei amayado #rei x reader

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theamateurartistblog · 11 months

Text

The Sad Tale of an Artist's Burnout

I have been burnout over a lot of things but being burnout because of art hits differently. Art burnouts are the worst. Imagine just losing your passion for something or having to force yourself to do so. If this sounds like something you’re going through have no fear, I’m here. Imma tell you how to prevent a burnout and some tips that will help you get back into shape in no time.

Stop Drawing

Mcutie are you serious? Yes, I’m not joking. Stop drawing. Your brain is tired of doing the same thing over and over again, give it a break. Find another hobby, play a game, watch a movie, catch up on a comic or manga (if you want some recommendations I got you;) maybe then you will find inspiration to draw.

Ease your mind a little. What always helps me is ASMRs, find a channel you like and relax to them or put on some Lofi tunes, whatever it takes for you to get your mind out of the sketchbook. Don’t think that when you stop drawing you’re gonna lose your talent, you can’t lose talent but you can lose passion.

Stop looking for likes and views

They'll come eventually, I'm still in the baby stages myself and sometimes it's disappointing not to see any likes or views but that just takes the fun out of art. Social Media is tiring especially with the algorithm doing whatever it likes. If you run an art page why not give it a break a little, maybe the stress of putting out too much content is getting to you.

Also, the self-declared “art critics” don't help either (baby artists please ignore these people, pay attention to the ones who really give you solid advice) so drop social media for a while and post your art unless you want to.

“But Mcutie I need to advertise to get commissions!” (in a future post, I'll give you tips on how to make money with your art). I hear you, but the posts you have in your feed are already enough to tell your audience about what you do and which commissions you’ll take. My advice is to shake it up a bit, instead of Instagram try Twitter maybe art station or deviant art, they have some nice communities on there.

Or better yet create your little website and build a community around it (I'm currently trying this one on Tumblr so follow me on my journey if you want) who knows maybe you’ll find people who respect and admire what you do. ^^

Don’t Compare Yourself!

HA! I need to take my advice. It’s easy to compare yourself with others and let’s be frank there is always gonna be a better artist or athlete or dancer but there is never gonna be another you. The way how YOU draw is different from other artists, no two people are the same and no two artists have the same style unless one artist copies from another. However, it's good to try out new styles and see how you can implement them into your drawings. You may find something that can add an extra spice to your art.

Find Inspiration - Outside!!!

AHA! You thought I was gonna tell you to take up Pinterest and browse huh? Nope! I need YOU to TOUCH SOME GRASS! Look at the clouds find shapes in them, take a walk in the park or something. “But what if it is snowing?” Who cares?! Sit at your window and watch the snowflakes fall you may just find something that inspires you. Doing this motivates you to take up that pen and paper or tablet or whatever kids use these days and draw.

Sleep!! - Please Sleep...

Once again…….I need to take my advice. But let’s face it have you ever gone to bed and suddenly at exactly 3:00 am you get the urge to get creative? That’s what you want! Therefore, get some rest, take a nice bath, rub on your favorite lotion, put on your favorite PJs, and sleep it out. “I suffer from insomnia….” So do I but if it is chronic go and see the doctor maybe you need medical assistance, if not try playing rain sounds or as I said earlier find your favorite ASMRist and just close you’re eyes and fall asleep.

In Conclusion....

At the end of the day, something is gonna burn us out whether it is work, hobbies, or just life in general but the thing is we do not want to stay in a burnout. Besides if you stay in a burnout you’ll just shrivel up and die. So try my tips and if you have anything to add say it in the comments so others can benefit from them. Until next time stay healthy and stay cute.

(〃＾▽＾〃)

#art tips #art help #artist health #mental health #burn out #beginner drawing #beginner artist #art blog

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hideyseek · 5 months

Note

3, 29, and 30 for ao3 wrapped please!

craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaab hiiii hi hi hiiii hi hiiii hi hi hi hiii !! :3 hehe of course i love to fucking TALK about writing myself.

putting this under a cut bc it is the longest fucking thing in existence ahahaha. and also um, its moderately pretentious sorry! i sure am a guy who can talk about writing for like, seven bajillion years

ao3 wrapped

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

oooough hmm, kind of a tough one for me since i feel like there's a couple. but i'll go with this arthur/cobb drabble i wrote for wicked inception week 4. i hadn't known prior to this that i could write smut without writing it specifically to like ... be hot in some way. but in the end this was so much more like, emotions / character stuff happening and the sex was just a way to get to that information. that was cool. and secondarily, the process of writing this was one draft of like, technically a fic but genuinely incoherent, and a second draft of, oh, okay, this is different but its way more clear. which is also just like, a really nice reassurance that all the craft book reading and trudging through rough drafts of other projects really has strengthened my ability (for short fics at least) to get to the understanding of what i'm really trying to do in a fic. (it's here on the gdoc w/ everyone else's submissions if ur curious! warnings: semi-explicit sexual content, unequal power dynamics)

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

hmm aha, well. this year i wrote a LOT of not-quite-there rough draft material for a bunch of different projects which mm, if i comb through it all i will explode out of poorly timed insecurity. so, maybe a bit of a cop-out but here's a bit i wrote yesterday night that made me go: ohh okay, this is going to be fujioka's relationship with violence in this fic. so, favorite recent thing, i suppose:

Fujioka reaches over to take the last section of Haiji’s tangerine. Clean hands, trimmed nails. “We got one,” he says, chewing. “One— what?” There’s a bandage on Fujioka’s cheek, bloody at the edge. Haiji looks at it, and something chokes its way up his throat. “One of their guys, of course.” Fujioka’s face shifts into a grin, boyishly pleased with himself. A stitch breaks under the bandage and the gauze bloodies. “He tried to make a run for it, and you know we couldn’t have that.” Kakeru, Haiji thinks, and he can’t say a word.

favorite line in ^ is probably "A stitch breaks under the bandage and the gauze bloodies." i just. love VERBS!!!

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

ok truly SO MANY FUCKING SURPRISES while writing this year!!! but here i'll talk about all the smut writing, hehe. like!! the fact that i sat down and went "ok i guess i'll learn to write smut" is still SO surprising to me (crab this is like. 88% your influence i must tell you!!! like i guess the spark was in me all along or whatever but if u didn't run bcsdp this would never have happened to me, or would have taken much longer, etc). which then led to like ... some really wonderful conversations with irl and fandom friends, and then led to me doing wicked inception (smut drabble fest) and developing OPINIONS on how i like my smut written which i had NEVER HAD BEFORE IN MY LIFE (which. idk maybe i will go into later haha, probably i'll end up blogging about it as i write this arthurcobb fic). SPEAKING OF! wicked then got me to unlock a crucial emotional component to this arthurcobb fic that i've been trying to write since like, 2021!!! (this is long to me) and now -- that whole fic is ... WRITABLE. like i still know next to nothing about it except the premise and that there needs to be fucked up sex in there haha, but like. I HAVE ENOUGH SKILLS TO START IT NOW. like bwaaaaa truly it was just this INCREDIBLE domino effect from like, august (???) through to now that i would never have expected in my life whatsoever!!! ah so i guess really, thank you very much, i'm really glad you did that!!!! (<- bit of an understatement)

#hidey speaks #hidey talks fic #ask game

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niuniente · 5 months

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All right. Asking for some advice here. If you can help, great, if not, that's fine too. At least I asked. So, I'm schizo, so I don't always trust my instincts. I'm also autistic, so I don't trust myself often. But, as an empath, I've been able to feel and see things, but I'm not sure how true it is. This is my dilemma. I often rely on my dreams for contacting certain things. But when it comes to answers, I don't know if it's real or not. Sometimes, I don't contact them. They contact me. As a child, it was more obvious. But now, it's gotten harder without thinking, "Oh, you're just hallucinating." Luckily, I'm on meds and in therapy for it, but it's still hard. Anyways, what I'm trying to get at is... How is one able to tell a difference between what's true and what isn't? Sorry if this comes off offensive or bad. I tried to put it together as best as I could.

Same anon as earlier, but I also been thinking something's trying to contact me, but I'm not sure to believe it. Plus, I don't trust the answer or feeling. I guess now I just kinda think it's only in my head. How do I get rid of that mindset?

----

I'm not in any way specialized in mental health disorders, so I can speak only from the spiritual perspective as the general guidance which we all have. Take what resonates with you and ignore the rest as we all have our own individual journeys, and what might work for me might not work for you, and what might resonate with me might be off putting to you. This is the first step with the connection to your intuition; always trust your gut feelings and how something makes you feel. Not as a strong emotion, but typically as this small "knowing".

It's not easy to trust your gut feelings or the messages you get. You're not the only one with the struggle. A good rule of thumb is that if it makes you feel uncomfortable, then it doesn't come from a good source or from an intuition but might be just your own thinking, fears etc. Even if the message was hard to digest, it should still feel liberating or give you an AHA-moments. That's how I go. Or then the message, the thing, etc. is not for you but it's for someone else.

The Spiritual side and all the helpers there will guide and help you, whether you are aware of them or in a direct connection to them or not. You're always guided, in a way or another. Kind of the same way as when a child is playing, immersed in their own play, and aren't aware that the parent is keeping an eye on them at the same time. My favorite analogue is the small story of a dog, who wanted to have chocolate from her owner, and when she didn't get any, she went to mope under a table. She also was watched over by her guardian, this time the owner, even when it felt unfair for the dog not to get the treat she so much wanted.

I would recommend reading or listening to spiritual books, if possible. Youtube has pick a card channels which might also deliver you the messages you need. And of course, there's always an option to have a personal reading done, where you can get a better answer, just for you, for example from me via my Etsy.

And hey, if you do not want to believe, create an intentional connection, deal with your intuition etc. you don't have to. It's not mandatory.

Do what feels the best to you. Always.

#ask niu #spiritual

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cosmicn3ptune · 2 years

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Hi!! Only if you could and if it's not too much ask, could i request the hashiras x hashira reader who sees them as an older sibling?? (In the case of Muichiro seeing reader as an older sibling) Please and i hope you are having a great day!! ♡

Of course! That’s super cute!!

Platonic: Muichiro Tokito x GN! Reader :

-Reader is the Ice Hashira-

: The sweltering air accompanied by the blaring rays of the sun makes [NAME]’s entire body slick with sweat. They wipe a tired hand across their forehead and reach back at their wooden sword, preparing to continue their daily training session. As the ice Pillar [NAME] never was the type to thrive in heat and on a scorching summer day like this, they couldn’t help but feel like they were dying.

Before [NAME] can return to their vigorous training they feel a gentle tap on their exposed shoulder. They swiftly turned around with speed only a Hashira could manage, worried as they were the only person there. At least they thought.

“You looked tired so I brought you some water, sib.” Pale and usually emotionless eyes peer up at you, though this time they seemed to be filled with admiration. Ah, the young and ever so powerful mist Pillar, Tokito Muichiro. His lips curve into a smile as he stares at you with curiosity.

[NAME] can’t tell if it’s just the headache the heat gave them, or did Muichiro call them “Sib?” Despite knowing that Muichiro could and would bite their hand off, [NAME] settled a tender hand on the top of Muichiro’s head and caressed it gingerly. They grinned as Muichiro eased into the head pat, shutting his eyes and leaning against their arm.

“Thanks Mui! I really thought I was going to die of dehydration there, I forgot to bring my own water!” [NAME] sheepishly admits, chuckling at their mistake. Muichiro places a gourd filled with fresh water in your hands before glancing up at you in confusion.

“Sib, what’s dehydration again? I forgot.” Muichiro’s eyes narrow with obvious uncertainty. You nearly choke when you realize Muichiro is in fact calling you “sib.” Despite your surprise, you smile and sigh.

“Dehydration is when you don’t drink enough and you’re losing more liquid and fluids then you’re taking in. It can make you hurt so please remember to drink lots of water, okay?” [NAME] explains to Muichiro and silently laughs at his amusing art of forgetting everything.

“Oh. Okay I will!” Muichiro promises, his face lighting up in a way you’ve never seen before. It’s actually quite strange seeing so much emotion on his face at once. You pat your new little brother on the shoulder. “[NAME] and Muichiro Tokito, the unstoppable siblings.” You smile at your new title. It has a nice ring to it.

Before running off to do whatever sort of strange thing he does in his freetime, Muichiro turns around once more and waves excitedly.

“Bye sib!”

Hope you enjoyed Sunshines <3 If I'm going to be honest Muichiro is one of my favorite Hashira, which is weird because I've only written him twice. I hope to write more of him in the future. Also sorry about the "sib" nickname I struggled to find a gender neutral sibling term aha. Anyways have a lovely day !!

#muichiro #muichirou #tokito #demon slayer #muichiro tokito #kny #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer oneshot #muichirou tokito #tokitou #muichiro tokitou #muichiro x reader #platonic x reader #demon slayer oneshots #muichiro x you #demon slayer muichiro #demon slayer x reader #demon slayer x you #demon slayer kimetsu no yaiba

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the-bad-batch-baroness · 1 year

Text

Crosshair Headcanon

As a writer, I have some favorite writing techniques I predominately use in my works. The use of foreshadowing, hidden meaning, callbacks, tie-ins, and subliminal messaging are my all-time favorites. No matter the type of work, those things are usually in there.

However, sometimes, they can be difficult for readers to pick out or even notice (especially if it's really subtle). Which, as a writer, I do want readers to notice, even if it stays in their subconscious, because there's nothing like an "aha" moment when you make the connection.

But this time, I want to bring it to the front and explain because it's just my happy little sibling headcanon. I recently did an incorrect quote series on The Bad Batch reacting to "Happy Birthday," and it's gotten some good reception.

I wrote the series as a whole but posted it individually for each Batcher. If you put them all side by side, they have one thing in common, and if you blink, you'll miss it. Crosshair is the only Batcher that makes an appearance in all of them. And I did this on purpose.

Crosshair loathes celebrations. He just does. He's a mellow guy who doesn't get excited all too often. He also doesn't want to be the center of attention. He'd rather have a quiet, peaceful evening than join in on a raucous party.

He doesn't care about his birthday at all. He wants nothing to do with it. BUT he will most definitely show up to his family's birthdays, even if it kills him. He'll watch from afar and give snarky, sassy comments, but he'll be there to support their birthday celebration.

That's why, in Crosshair's reaction, his disdain is on full display. He doesn't want to have a party or be doted on. He wants to be left alone. But the rest of the Batch knows this and forces him to have a happy birthday anyway because they love their brother.

In Hunter's reaction, he's probably leaning against the wall, arms folded, watching him receive his little birthday present from Omega and judging him. But he's still there for the sweet moment between them.

In Wrecker's reaction, he knows he's going to get splashed with cake. It's inevatable. And yet he stays put. He doesn't leave, not even for a second, and he doesn't try to stop him either. He's there to support Wrecker.

In Tech's reaction, he's probably sitting on his rack, listening to him drone on about all the reasons it's not his birthday. Simmering his annoyance under the surface. But he was still listening and paying attention.

In Omega's reaction, he's right there with the rest of them. He's still loathing the ordeal, but it's for Omega, so he'll put up with it as long as he has to. He's even the one to tell her to blow out the candles.

In Echo's reaction, he's probably standing in the corridor, just watching, and waiting to give his snarky comments. Detesting their little mother/father spat. And even filling in Wrecker when he shows up late.

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT SIBLINGS DO.

Crosshair shows up for his family even when he doesn't want to or likes to. Celebrations are not his thing, but his family is his thing. Their happiness is more important to him than his discomfort, so he'll be there each time.

Ugh, he's such a good brother.

#the bad batch #bad batch #tbb #tbb crosshair #crosshair headcanon #headcannon #tbbb speaks

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honesttoblogjuno · 1 year

Note

Soooo, now that TSN is wrapped up (and boy was it a wonderful and dreadful, scary but also fun and rewarding rollercoaster from start to finish!) I have a bunch of questions for you regarding the coming up with the story, your approach to writing and researching and I want to give you an opportunity to tell your readers what some of your favorite moments were and what you think some details were that the readers might have even missed!

Let's begin with the beginning:

1. When and how did you perceive of the idea for that story? When did you know you wanted to go in this direction of Wednesday entering a feud with her publishing house? What was your inspiration? Aaaand can you give us a summary of the entire premise in your own words? 😌

2. How much of the fic was already planned out before you began writing it and how much did you make up along the way?

3. Regarding the things you made up along the way: what was your favorite "Aha!" moment when something completely spontaneous felt like a missing piece had fallen into place? Did you have such a moment in the first place? Or something similar to it?

4. How much time did you spend getting into the characters? Did it come relatively easy to you just from watching the show or did you have to really think hard about their personalities, convictions, dreams and wants and ambitions? How much weird research did you have to do to to stay true to Wednesday's intelligence, encyclopedic knowledge and discerning intellect?

5. Regarding the characters, who do you find harder to write?

6. What was YOUR favorite moment of the fic? What do you think your readers favorite moment was according to their reception?

7. What is your favorite line in the fic that you are especially proud of?

8. What were things that you were/are unsure about?

And now let's turn to some other things that I'm personally burning to find out!

9. What are your favorite foreshadowing moments that you really felt paid off?

10. Which foreshadowing moments do you feel most readers missed?

11. What are your favorite references that you implemented in the story?

12. And which references do you feel your readers didn't quite pick up on?

Thank you again for writing an incredibly compelling, emotionally profound, outstandingly in-character and terrifyingly realistic piece of fiction that shall teach us all to really hold on tight to our private information online, respect boundaries when it comes to parasocial relationships and cherish the small things in a relationship like getting to make your wife her overly sweet coffee in the morning!

It was a wonderful experience and I think I'm speaking for every reader here when I say that we can't wait for what you have planned next!

Omggg thank you! I'm gonna jump right in, tumblr will probably put it under the cut because it'll be long so bewareee (and spoiler alert for some of the answers!)

I had finished Concentrate and Ask Again pretty quickly after I started it and although I had come to the ending I envisioned I really didn't want to stop writing yet, nor did I want to drag the story out. So I just sat there and took my notes app out and wrote down a point-form list of all the little vignettes in my head that I thought could be something for another story.

It actually started with a note I jotted about a term I had read called "Littermate Syndrome" where two dogs who are not related will become obsessed and enamored with each other, completely shut out the world and refuse to make social relationships with other dogs, and eventually the codependency of the relationship implodes and they will often kill each other in a possessive dogfight. I might still write that at some point, but it wasn't true to the cinematic universe I had started with CAAG (which I know is an imperfect initialism but it's staying 🤪) so its staying in the notes for now.

But the next one was "Adult au where Wednesday is a fiction author and Enid works in communications and niche local social media influencing" along with some little details that came to mind like W in the background of her posts and their wedding. I kept writing more little scenes I wanted to write at some point down in that list as well as fleshing out some of the broader strokes of the universe (like her supposed pseudonym, E's fans finding her criminal record, press tour, etc.)!

Overall my inspiration was my healthy fear of online fan culture and wariness of doxxing. Online culture is central to my grad research so its something I have been academically interested in for a hot minute and watching the recent swarming of certain celebrities who are then forced to come out of the closet and share their personal info/lock down their social media and stop engaging as authentically with fans because of parasocial relationships was another 'inspiration' for the story.

Annnnd my own-words summary would probably be something like "Is there really such thing as a win under capitalism?" or "the looming threat of a digital footprint" (or more seriously "married wenclair au where much that can go wrong does go wrong, but a lot also goes right")

2. How much of the fic was already planned out before you began writing it and how much did you make up along the way?

I planned the broad strokes (for example, W needs to help promote her book, E helps but leaks the cover, they get doxxed, forced to do press after it is surprisingly good for sales, and everything Wednesday does to be purposefully off-putting only makes them more money, throwing her into a sisyphean nightmare) of the story.

Well, I didn't really write them out or map them visually like I was taught to, I just had that larger shape of the story in my mind! And then I worked through the little vignettes and details I had jotted down just for my own writing interest (like wanting to write their wedding, for example) and tried to structure the bulk of the chapter content around working towards the plot milestones I had in mind while organically fitting in space to flesh out those images in my head. 🤔

I would say about 65% was planned, and the rest I just let come to me as I wrote and felt my way through it! Sometimes even I was a little surprised by where I felt like their characters would naturally take a scene I had in mind lol

One of the things that sort of fell into place while I was writing was fleshing out W's premonitions versus her visions, especially how it came up through her bad feeling about the penguins' letter and feeling unidentified guilt towards Enid that evening while she cooked dinner. By the time I wanted to flesh that out for her mental reasoning, I realized I had already set up everything I needed to make that point clear without having intentionally decided to introduce it in the previous chapter! And, the light-handedness that brought to the story let me really play with Wednesday's own thought process and relationship to her powers, which was something I had wanted to explore all along. Happy Tetris moment!

Enid and Wednesday both kind of come to me differently! I think Enid's inner monologue style is closer to what my natural voice is, with her sentence structure and vocabulary, but Wednesday's is more how I think haha. I didn't do a character study of sorts, I just kind of thought for a minute before I had them do something and tried to see if it felt natural for them in the show, and them as adults.

For example, W's reaction to the leaked cover! I just reflected for a minute picturing different ways a person might react to something like that, and then eliminated them almost immediately as they came to mind because they were just not at all what I saw her doing (for instance, it didn't feel true to her character to yell or outwardly emote like that-- [barely restrained seething] was one of my favourite subtitles of the whole show lol). For closer calls, I always tried to go for the unexpected answer since she's an emotionally complicated character and I think she would often surprise people with which of two paths she might walk down.

But, the dreams and convictions part took a little more effort than my attempts to capture their voices! I had to kind of consider the pretty limited knowledge we get about that sort of stuff (especially E's inner monologue) in canon, weigh it against previous iterations (I am a big 90s Addams Family fan), and then try and account for the 12ish year difference and how much a person's maturity and worldview can change in those kind of formative teenage and young adulthood years. Like I imagine Wednesday would have managed to control her temper a bit over the years, if not for personal growth than for strategy 😈

In terms of weird research, the most frequent thing I did was try to find the right words for her dialogue! My thesaurus app was my best friend 💀 Overall the thing I needed to research the most were the Americanisms and little facts about the USA. As some very sharp-eyed readers picked up on, I have some tragically Canadian sensibilities on that front and didn't always nail it haha (I stand by Indigo and Chapters though, best bookstore!)

5. Regarding the characters, who do you find harder to write?

I thiiiiink I find Enid harder to write, because we don't get the same view into her mind on the show that we get for Wednesday. So setting the foundation for her emotional intelligence and childhood and whatnot left a lot to the imagination, which I was worried would risk drawing her away from the familiar character we see on the show.

But Emma does such a great job playing her that I do think we get a lot of really important visual cues for what she's thinking throughout her scenes, so that was super helpful! I was often trying to physically describe her expressions the way she played them on the show and preferred to write a kind of one-sided conversation with herself (lonely kids who grow up keeping themselves company, amiright?) in her mind rather than the analytic kind of reflection W did in the story that's very removed.

(This is one of my favourite expressions I tried to include for E 😂 mind the crappy image quality)

But, in some ways the intentionality of W’s character made her complex to write. I really had to have a solid reasoning for why I felt she would do or think any given thing! I found that very fun though, and I hope people felt like my logic ended up being true to her character :)

6. What was YOUR favorite moment of the fic? What do you think your readers favorite moment was according to their reception?

Hmm I think my favourite moment may have been the different points where I talked about their wedding(s), I would really like to spend some more time detailing what I pictured in my head for both of those events in some other fic sometime! And, I also really liked writing Enid thinking back about what it felt like to go out into the real world at night in her pyjamas as a kid, with that kind of giddy liminal feeling.

But, for comedic value, I also am a fan of Pugsley razzing on W for having a sex life, the Beware of Aggressive Dog sign (which I am planning to draw soon!), and W refusing to let Enid pump her own gas 'so she won't puke on the car' and not because she's a big fucking softie who loves her wife and uses acts of service to tell her that. I think the "was she supposed to let the woman pump her own gas?" line from Ch5 (which was one of my faves to write) seemed to land well with the readers! :D

From the reception, I think people also appreciated Wednesday's reaction to the cover leak and stopping herself to give Enid a gesture of physical affection despite her heavy emotional response before leaving to go annoy the neighbourhood with her cello into the early morning!

7. What is your favorite line in the fic that you are especially proud of?

Hmmm that's a difficult one because I actually don't usually read the fic chapters again after I post them (I don't have a beta so I worry I will just nitpick it too much and edit it a million times). I like some of the similes/metaphors/allegories, but I think the humorous lines stand out to me more! Off the top of my head, I do enjoy (and mind the weird mix of UK and US spelling):

"Lots of teenage mockery to the likes of the smooch-sound-laden “how about a kiss, Addams?” (Actually some of the tamer offhand comments they had faced in early months, more colourful variations revelling in uncreative nicknames like ‘doggy style’ and ‘hummer,’ much to Wednesday’s near-murderous rage)" Ch1 (I don't know how it would be possible for a high school to have a club where the membership is an innuendo for a blowjob and the two people in the club are both weird without that particular nickname being misappropriated lol)

"Her mother may have shot her a disapproving-slash-huffy look (and later, an embarrassed, “you do know why you were supposed to wear white, right?”), but you win some, you lose some. She had given Esther a mischievous wink, hitting her with a “maybe that’s why I didn’t,” (UNO Reverse!) silently pleased at the speechlessness and disgraced sigh that the comment had won her." Ch2

“I have been told I can be… difficult to work with.” Wednesday continued, still averting her gaze. “Your masochistic dedication to the endeavour is not only vexatious but admirable.” from Ch5

"Not-So-Strong-Swimmers: Future Olympian Injured in Poolside Attack" Ch7

"Now nearly 26 years old, she recoiled to admit [Pugsley] had grown up in many ways from the whimpering, overly-sensitive boy she had lived alongside. He was now a large, whimpering, overly-sensitive man. It was repellant... She missed him, despite herself." Ch10

"Her body froze as she took in the scene, scanning down the other woman’s body briefly to ascertain that she had not been injured or harmed, trying to think of all the things that made her wife cry. Small animals. Videos of strangers on the internet letting their decrepit dogs eat whipped cream from paper cups before euthanising them. The occasional commercial." Ch13

"I only have one hand, Enid.” She said facetiously, a smirk pulling at her face. “Now would be an appropriate time for your unrelenting chivalry.” Ch15

8. What were things that you were/are unsure about?

I am unsure about Esther Sinclair! And the details of Enid's life in San Francisco. I wasn't even sure if she had like 4 or 5 brothers (I settled on 5), or how cruel exactly her mother could be. Or even if her dad EVER spoke.

So, while I get the sense readers have been getting a rise out of how I decided to characterize Esther as Morticia's foil, kind of endlessly judgmental and critical, I did still want to make her comments personal enough that it would make Enid's relationship with her complicated rather than just "she's a narcissist/relentless critic and they have no relationship," because I think for someone conditioned (in this story, anyway) to always be looking back over her shoulder for the approval of her mom, it would be hard not to still want that relationship.

On that note, I was also a little unsure of how to write Gomez, Morticia, and Pugsley since the version of them we see in the show is a pretty significant departure from the 90s movies version(s) I am more familiar with. I still don't know if I nailed them, but I tried my best lol! Also, I wanted to pay close attention to how I was representing culture through their family and traditions, so while I hope it came across as familiar/accurate and respectful, I can never be 100% sure! I can only try my besttttt

9. What are your favorite foreshadowing moments that you really felt paid off?

I'll make an incomplete list of the ones I can remember off the top of my head below (both foreshadowing and repeated visuals with significance)!

First and foremost the title of the fic was the biggest foreshadowing in plain sight for the ending that I included, that was one of the things I had up my sleeve from the very beginning and wanted to weave throughout the story. The username being sisyphean nightmare in latin was also meant to foreshadow that social media itself was the rock she had to keep rolling up the hill

E's aversion to instagram's generic pfp = anonymous social media users haunting them throughout the story and in the crowd in Ch16

W dropping E's phone after dangling it in Ch3 (overplaying her hand) versus her hardened resolve with the crystal ball metaphor in Ch16

The book cover itself was meant to be a visual cue about the feeling of being watched, and having something looming over your shoulder inescapably

Imagery of W as a bird throughout (maybe a bit on-the-nose but I liked the idea of how crows can imprint on certain people and become very trusting and giving with them while being quite skittish and territorial with others) and Enid as the ocean (beautiful and romantic but not to be underestimated, moods that are prone to massive change, tied closely to the moon)

Not necessarily foreshadowing as a visual language, but W as the raven and her publishers as the penguins-- both birds (creatures of the same nature, vindictive and cunning and trying to exploit the other and get the upper hand) but only one has the real ability to fly away from the situation

The "keep your friends close but your enemies closer" line(s) in Ch6 and Ch16

The car accident allusions throughout the story

The references to crucifixion and stigmata throughout the earlier chapters compared to Ch16

Her crushed fountain pen and ink all over her hand from the beginning of Ch1, as well as the repeated lines from the very beginning and the end ("Wednesday’s eye was beginning to twitch. She didn’t even know where to start.")

10. Which foreshadowing moments do you feel most readers missed?

Hmmm I think that I may have misled people with a red-herring early payoff with the myth of Sisyphus imagery by using it for her social media handle, but I think the largest piece of consistent foreshadowing would have to be the idea of the never-ending challenge, being stuck by your own choices in a loop that allows you something priceless in your life but also takes something from you in exchange which I was trying to establish on the DL throughout the story as it unfolded. I am also drawn to the connections between the myth of Sisyphus and Orpheus/Euridyce which is an allusion I might want to get into more in future work in the series! Also possibly Philomela which has a lot of allegorical potential and is my personal favourite.

I do think readers were way ahead of me with some of the other ones before I was fast enough to execute them, like the car crash and Wednesday’s vision! Bravo 🤩 I loved seeing those comments!

11. What are your favorite references that you implemented in the story?

Ohoho I LOVE a good reference. Some of my favourites to include were:

Greek myths like Sisyphus, Persephone, Achilles, and Arachne

I had a lot of fun with chapter titles referencing other pieces, like The Handmaid's Tale, Scooby Doo, the Addams Family Values, Alice in Wonderland, the musical Tick Tick Boom (the song "therapy" kind of has a wenclair vibe to me haha), and one of my favourite nursery rhymes which is called One for Sorrow

I also did this with idioms, literary devices, and tarot cards I like/with relevant themes in Concentrate and Ask Again, which itself is titled after a suitable Magic 8 Ball reference (which AGAIN is another weird nod to my personal appreciation for the link between psychic powers and Magic 8 balls curated by my girl Vriska from Homestuck lmao)

Speaking of nursery rhymes and fairytales, I used a couple of references there (pecking out eyes was meant to be a nod to both Cinderella and Sing A Song of Sixpence), the more obvious allusions to specific Brothers Grimm stories that felt suitable for Wednesday and Wenclair. The Willful Child is about a complicated mother-daughter relationship I felt like young W would relate to and resent, and the image of a hand breaking out of a grave reminded me of the end of The Addams Family Values 😂 And, The Dog and the Sparrow had some very fitting imagery (again with the eye pecking) for wenclair, and the theme of murderous rage and vengeance for any harm that comes to the dog felt like a fun but grim (pun intended) nod to the canon material.

I also love Twilight so I threw a number of references in there for a metacommentary about vampires, werewolves, and psychics (i like the idea of twilight being even more insensitive and clumsy about the racialization themes than it already is in a world where those kinds of supernatural creatures actually exist lmao)

The Immodest Proposal book name and themes are meant to kind of be foreshadowing and a reference to A Modest Proposal by Johnathan Swift about the relentlessness of capitalism and the cannibalism metaphor of W and E being eaten alive by fans and/or forced to sell the thing that matters most to them while the penguins watch on guiltlessly.

I am sure I am forgetting a bunch but I can add more later if I remember haha!

12. And which references do you feel your readers didn't quite pick up on?

It's hard to say since I don't always know what stands out to readers if they don't tell me in the comments, but most recently and towards the end I had fun making another meta-reference to a couple of songs, when Enid says their relationship at Nevermore went from Sleepover by Hayley Kiyoko to Slumber Party by Ashnikko (which was beyond the change in tone of the songs also meant to break the fourth wall a little for readers who knew the lyrics of that one mention Wednesday Addams specifically lol!)

Haha thank you soooo much for these questions, it is super fun reflecting back on the story and the process of writing it!! 💕🖤🦇

I am so glad you enjoyed the story and I hope we can ALL make our wives overly sweet coffees in the mornings in our hideously wallpapered kitchens :) thanks for all your support and for reading, answering these was like the best way to distract myself from being quarantined with covid right now! 🫶

#the sisyphean nightmare fic #the sisyphean nightmare #honesttoblogjuno #wenclair fic #wenclair fanfiction #wenclair fanfic #wenclair #wednesday netflix #wednesday addams #enid sinclair

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