I would loooove more of little!austin !! maybe you accompany him on a press day and he starts to involuntarily slip throughout the day. he gets super pouty and tries his best not to be short tempered but the poor baby just can’t help it 😭💜

ty for the request!! enjoy 🫶🏼 (also if anyone's sent in a request the last couple days they're all done!! i just rly wanted to posted this one today)

settle down | little!austin x cg!reader

wc: 786

warnings: little space, agere, anxiety, mentions of stimming

masterlist | request | taglist | ko-fi

austin had been feeling it all day, he just didn't want to tell you. that cloudy, fuzzy feeling anytime he felt overwhelmed. you noticed something off about him and just tried not to question it. he'd begun to get a little snappy with you after the third interview and you didn't want to push it.

the ride to the next screening was silent. you glanced over at austin, noticing him bouncing his leg and picking at his nails. you frowned, bracing yourself for austin to snap at you again. "what's wrong?"

he continued with his little stims, not looking up at you. "don't feel right." he muttered.

"like....anxiety?"

austin didn't want to tell you how he was really feeling, cause if he did, he'd want to slip even more and he'd been doing a good job at fighting it all day. you specifically told him if he ever felt it to tell you instead of forcing himself to not do it, cause then he'd be a big grumpy mess all day. that's exactly what austin was, grumpy and tired.

you sighed, taking his hand in yours to stop him from messing with his nails, earning a whine from austin. "stop messing with them."

"it helps me." he argued.

"but then who has to hear it when one day you randomly notice how bad they look? who's fault is that?" austin rolled his eyes at your response and looked back out the window, suddenly feeling comforted with your touch.

you rubbed the back of his hand with you thumb and got close to his ear, whispering to avoid the driver from eavesdropping. "momma can't help you unless you tell them what's wrong."

he turned his head at you, giving you a stern look. "don't....don't do that. don't say that."

"communication is important, austin."

"i know." he snapped.

you didn't say anything else. once you arrived to the next screening, you helped him adjust his suit a little before walking inside. he gave you a sad smile after you gave him a quick kiss and walked into the theater.

he was doing his part, answering questions and making side comments occasionally. but he was still very fidgety, a quick glance at you made him stop picking at his nails again and went to toy with the mic instead. towards the end of the screening, he started to stumble over his words a little more, laughing it off and saying "sorry, i'm tired." getting quiet laughs from the audience. once it ended, he stopped to speak with a few fans, his mood lightening up slightly after numerous praises and compliments from everyone.

he met up with you outside the theater, taking your hand and going straight back to the car. "you did good." you said, patting his knee.

"mmm." he sat back into the seat, closing his eyes for a few minutes. austin still couldn't shake that feeling. you removed your hand from his knee to pull out your phone, answering a few texts. austin began bouncing his knees again, rubbing his eyes and anxiously running his hand through his hair.

you noticed immediately, going into caregiver mode. "baby-"

"no! 'm fine!" he fussed. "'m big, n-not little." he tried, he really did. but it wasn't working. he kicked at the seat, frustrated and gripping at his hair. "not little! 'm not little!"

the driver looked through up through the mirror, glancing at you. you glanced back, putting up your hand to signal that everything was fine. bringing your attention back to austin, "austin. austin baby, look at me."

he looked at you, face flushed red and tears in his eyes.

"can i touch you? is that okay?" austin nodded, prompting you to rub at his back. "we have to go see kate about your schedule for next week, do you think you can sit through that? or should we just go home?"

austin wanted to finish off his day, to get everything he was supposed to do done and over with. but he also just wanted to go home. "jus'....wanna finish. can i?" he pouted, voice much smaller than usual. his normal happy, confident self now turning into a smaller, more shy self.

"'course, honey." you reached down to your bag, opening it and pulling out what you called his 'emergency stuffie', placing it in his lap. he held it securely, petting the soft fur and feeling the texture to help comfort him as you fixed his hair. he was finally relaxing now that he opened up to you, although he had to play big austin for a little while longer, he was much looking forward to being little once he finally got home.

5 Songs and 3 Outfits

RULES: post 5 songs associated with your OC, followed by 3 outfits they would wear

Tagged by @crystal-overdrive, not tagging any folks specifically but please do it if you read this!

Also this was HARD. It was hard to really pin down which specific songs/outfits to show off, as I've got Pinterest boards and playlists coming out of my ears for her.

Tamasvi, daughter of Bhaal, chose redemption.

Songs

A song from my own childhood, this one in particular feels fairly emblematic of Tamasvi's experience of being Daddy's little favourite, especially at the height of his influence on her. She is a prolific serial killer: there's a reason I named the fic I'm writing 10,000 Deaths for Bhaal after all.

Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the, floor!

Another one before Orin's betrayal, this one more accurately feeds into her feelings about her existence and how she felt about being Bhaalspawn.

I'm so sick infected with where I live Let me live without this empty bliss Selfishness I'm so... I'm so sick

A classic! This tends to represent Tamasvi's feelings in Act 1 and Act 2; her confusion and feelings about the Urge, the terror of it taking over and fighting for control.

I liked Halocene's cover of it for Tamasvi, it feels softer than the original in a way that suits her better.

I don't know what's worth fighting for Or why I have to scream I don't know why I instigate And say what I don't mean I don't know how I got this way I'll never be alright

Getting into Act 3 and Post-redemption. She might have defied Bhaal, but she is very afraid of falling back into her old lifestyle and her new found freedom being lost.

And I fear my destiny Will this curse follow me? I study to be the opposite breed And fear when I see similarity

One of my favourite songs and very much inspired Tamasvi and her story. I love the outright claims to divinity, the rejection of what others think of the struggles she has around her new life and attempts at a better morality.

I am not a woman, I'm a God I am not a martyr, I'm a problem I am not a legend, I'm a fraud Keep your heart, 'cause I already got one

Outfits

Cult Leader

As the Chosen of Bhaal, Created from his Flesh and leader of his cult, The Child of Bhaal generally remained masked and her face hidden. This included ceremonies, red room appearances and even when she first met the Chosen of Bane.

It mostly served as a way for The Child of Bhaal to lose her sense of self and only function as the conduit for her father.

When she took on the mantle of Death Stalker and Madam Priestess. Only Helene, then Orin and Scelartis Fel saw her face. Until a certain handsome younger man entered her life anyhow.

Adventuring Times

When Tadpoled, Tamasvi mostly wore black padded armour that made it easy to keep the stains out. This is 100% stolen from a corpse she found and she absolutely ignored Shadowheart's disgust when she tried it on. As a warlock/rogue, she prefers light armour and soft soled shoes to do her work. The collar hides the bite marks too!

Even post-tadpole, Tama prefers to wear black, light clothes that allow her to move quietly and blend into the dark. She has been persuaded not to just loot clothes off corpses now though.

The Daisy Dress

One Figaro special, inspired by the "Elegant Robes" (Daisy dress) in the game! When she wears it is spoilers, but I wanted specifically to not put her in black or red, so white and gold felt like a good opposite!

It’s my birthday tomorrow but I’m so much more excited for the next bakery au chapter than anything else! I was just wondering how you’d feel about sharing some of the behind the scenes planning stuff, such as the inspiration for Nico’s dress and the venue setting? If that was something you’d be up for sharing, I would LOVE to see some of that!

Hey!! First of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! <3 <3 <3 Second of all sorry this took so long I got lost in my old planning notes and so many little details I forgot! For example there used to be a lot more emphasis on Nico's partying exploits and the public perception of him as being Too Wild VS Lewis wanting to settle down and grow up. I actually kind of wish I'd kept this in the fic I think it adds a lot more to what Nico gets out of the wedding (image goes up)

Anyway! Have some behind the scenes stuff below as a birthday treat!

So for settings I actualy have a whole pinterest board with inspo pictures for locations! The settings are way more detailed there than they are in the fics and its something I'd maybe re-do if I had to do this all over again. Specifically, Pierre was meant to feature more heavily as the friend whose dress Charles is bigging up to Nico so the fashion house in Milan was a more important setting. Also Lance and Esteban owned one of the flower stalls in Paris. But Idk I didn't want to just cram everyone into the fic I guess?

Anyway! So these are the two biggest influences for McLaren's to me!

Imagine this but more orange.

And then lots of photos like this for the exterior - complete with Jenson's apartment up above! (Except it's a bakery not a tea room and longer than it is wide.)

And then for the venue... I knew I wanted Greece, but I wanted it to feel contained, suffocating. So it had to be one of the islands and I ended up choosing Mykonos because the jeandre club scene had to be feasible. I actually spent a worrying amount of time just going around the island on google maps. I read I think 5 or 6 lists of best beaches in mykonos and best clubs in mykonos, and narrowed it down to the Expensive ones. SantAnna Club is the venue for the reception and I spent a lot of time going through their virtual website tour looking at the features and aesthetics. If it doesn't seem very well described yet, that's because I'm holding back for the Big Day sfdgfds but if you look at their pool section you may find A Surprise Tool That Will Help Us Later.

As for the actual ceremony venue, that's partially made up. It's essentially the star hotel / white chapel / lolita resort (its name changes CONSTANTLY lmao) but transplanted to be on an imaginary even smaller island thats basically a rocky patch of land loosely connected to the island at low tide but otherwise accessible by boat.

Just this general idea of a round. stage-like entrance, except even further fenced in my stone. The chapel in the fic is also slightly larger than this. It has room on the inside for a small party to sit and watch an actual ceremony. Also, this is one of the rejected venues from the first chapter in mykonos:

bonus, this is what I had in my head while writing Fernando and Jenson wandering Little Venice.

As for Nico's dress I think I browsed SOOO many wedding dress collections I have like 3 pages of pretty dresses in a word document. But these two really capture the Essence I guess.

I knew it had to be mint because that's Nico's Colour to me. I also wanted it to have a dramatic diana-esque train, and I went back and forth between princess and ballgown styles. Also the second dress for the reception dinner is more of a slim "trumpet" silhouette better for a party than a ceremony.

Lewis' outfit is just his Met Gala 2021 look because I literally couldn't have said it better myself Lewis. Bonus Roscoe inspo

LUNCH MEAT

I'm still on holiday but I had to take a forced break from hiking due to some problems with my foot. Anyway...I decided to make the most of it and wrote another little Trucker!Sy one-shot. It was inspired by some silly banter between me and hubs the other day and I hope you're gonna enjoy this new adventure of Trucker!Sy and his girlfriend. It would be great if you let me know what you think and leave me a comment, like or reblog. Thanks! 💜

Pairing: Syverson x reader (f)

Word count: 2 k

Summary: Sy and his woman and an early lunch...

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, PWP, smut, oral sex (f and m receiving), tiny dose of deep throat, mentioning of degradation / dom-sub dynamics, female masturbation, language, silly innuendos

Unbeta'ed. English isn't my first language. Mistakes ahead and they're all mine.

Credits: I don't own Captain Syverson, pics for the moodboard from Pinterest.

Find my other fics and the first two Trucker!Sy one-shots on my masterlist!

Taglist (let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@lunedelorient @inlovewithhisblueeyes @willkatfanfromasia @hell1129-blog @mis-lil-red @agniavateira @kebabgirl67 @omgkatinka @legendarywizarddetective @summersong69 @taebfada @xxxkatxo @artandotherdelights @notabronte @littlefreya @luclittlepond @eldarwen333 @meowpurrbooks @marantha @liliumdream @enchantedbytomandhenry @greensleeves888 @witcherfan @margauxmargaux07 @radaofrivia @m07belzen @a-little-counter-esperanto @starstruckkittyangel @mary-ann84

Here we go:

*********

"I'm hungry." I look at Sy with a pout.

We decided to change some of our habits and establish a healthier lifestyle a few days ago. We've spent most of our nights with take away food, netflix and sex lately, which is great but we both feel like we're getting a little lazy and out of shape so we agreed on making some changes. I pleaded for just adjusting our eating habits, less pizza and burgers, more salad, vegetables and other healthy stuff but Sy insisted on adding sports to our daily schedule.

So he made me get up early today for a run - on a sunday! He took me to a beautiful lake, a secluded spot I've never heard of before, although it's just an one-hour-drive away, and once we got there we ran along the shore around the lake, which left me pretty exhausted and against all my predictions and my mocking beforehand I have to admit my hot trucker boyfriend wasn't half as drained as I was when we arrived at my car again. He's not only buff from going to the gym but apparently very fit too. I mean, I know his stamina but I'm still surprised that I was hardly able to keep up with him. I tried to distract him during our run, of course I did, pointing out that we're all alone at the early hour, that no one is around, trying to make him stop for a hot make out session in the woods or even a little quickie, but no, my arts of seduction were wasted on Sy, he just shook his head with a playful grin and a strict glance, giving my butt a little slap to make me run a little faster.

So now that we're back home, I'm starving, craving some good food and chill out time on the couch. "I mean it, Tom. I need food." He laughs and the warm, deep rumbling sound makes me smile. He pulls me close and gives me a sweet, little kiss. "Sure, babe. Let's have an early lunch. Salad and sandwiches?" "Sounds great. I prepare the salad and you make the sandwiches?" He nods and we start to work silently side by side in my kitchen, that's actually a little too small for two people but we're used to it and as usual...Sy makes it fit.

It's unavoidable that our bodies touch in the tiny space. When Sy reaches for the plates in the board above my head, his side presses against mine and I can smell his fresh, woodsy scent, this warm mix of sandalwood with a hint of bourbon, that comes from the beard and body soap he uses. I take a deep breath and exhale slowly and he gives me a big smile, knowing that I love his fresh-out-of-the-shower-smell. I'm rinsing the lettuce and Sy turns on the radio, humming along to the country song that's playing while he spreads mayo on some slices of bread.

"What do you want on your sandwich, darling?" Sy asks.

"I don't know…" I turn to him with an innocent smile, my hands on my hips, pretending to think about his question. "I'm craving something tasty, substantial, I guess. What about a good piece of lunch meat? Something real, that leaves me completely stuffed."

I grin and turn away and I can easily picture the smirk that is spreading on Sy's handsome face. He loves some good banter and it may sound funny but it's often some kind of foreplay for us. After draining off the lettuce and putting it into a big, wooden bowl, I chop some bell peppers and some tomatoes.

"I need the cucumber." I point at the vegetable that is lying out of reach beside the loaf of fresh white bread that Sy is using for the sandwiches. He grins at me.

"You want the cucumber? That long, thick, snakelike thing?" He raises his eyebrows and does a tiny hip roll. I laugh at his very obvious innuendo and I can't help but find this silly, dorky way of flirting irresistibly sexy. The playful, funny, sometimes a little clumsy side of this hulk of a man, who's usually so confident and skillful, is my weakness. He gets me with being an awkward clown every time. I admit it here and now, I have a soft spot for my big, strong man being a boyish goofball from time to time.

"Yes, please. I need it for the salad." I flash him a smile and he grabs his dick through his sweatpants. "Sure you don't want my cucumber?" Another silly grin that makes me laugh and slap his arm playfully. "I want something to eat." I say, trying to grab the cucumber from his raised hand.

I come closer to him than necessary, pressing my body against his, making him feel my tits and my nipples that harden under my top as soon as they get in contact with the soft fabric of his shirt, that hides his broad, hairy chest. He gives me a wink and the cucumber before grabbing me by the waist.  "So do I, babe. So do I."

Sy licks his upper lip and his hands wander to my ass, giving it a squeeze. "I'm hungry…" He bends down and lowers his mouth to my ear. "Hungry for you. I want to eat you out." A shiver runs down my spine and a little gasp of anticipation leaves my mouth. I place the cucumber on the kitchen counter and wrap my arms around his neck.

"And what about me? What will you feed me?" 

"If you let me eat your pussy and cum like a good girl, I'm gonna stuff this pretty, little mouth with my dick. How about that?"

His eyes are tinted dark now, showing his arousal and pure, burning desire. Instead of an answer I kiss him, telling him that I agree wordlessly, showing him my love and devotion by using my mouth and my tongue. Sy kisses me back with passion, deepening the kiss, increasing my arousal until my moans get louder and my sex is all wet. He pulls away with a feral grin and undresses me quickly, wasting no time, before he lifts me up just to put me down on the counter before he slowly undresses himself.

His big cock is already hard and I can't help but stare at it with hungry eyes. He takes it in his fist and gives it a few strokes. He knows exactly what a great turn on it is for me to watch him touch himself and so I'm not surprised to see his lips curl up. His smile is sexy, he loves to tease me like this.

"You want that beast?" He doesn't wait for my answer, he just grabs my ankles and pulls me to the edge of the counter. He kneels on the floor and places my thighs on his shoulders, grabbing my tits to knead and caress them while giving me pleasure. He starts with little licks, teasing me, making me beg and whimper, enjoying my helpless, needy little moans and sighs. When he finally eats me out, when he sucks and licks and kisses my pussy, when his tongue circles around my clit, giving it a sexy massage, I don't last long. My orgasm is powerfull and intense and when I cum I whisper his name, my whole body going stiff before the tension disappears and is replaced by this indescribable sensation of warmth and satisfaction.

I look at him and he raises to his feet. "My turn." I say with a smirk. I give Sy a shove and when his back is pressed against the wall I kiss him feverishly, running my hands over his body. I pinch his nipples to make him moan, I know it's going to work because he loves this kind of pain. I grab his dick tightly and I start to jerk him off slowly, just the way I know he likes it best. I want him on the edge of arousal before I suck him off, I want him to beg, I want him enslaved by my touch, weak-willed, putty in my hands. Sy curses when I go on, rubbing my body against his.

"Fuck, babe...yeah…" I take his balls in one hand and squeeze them, never stopping the hand job. His moans are getting louder, the longing in his voice is music to my ears. Sy closes his eyes now, resting his head against the wall.

"Babe...please…" He's out of breath and I know exactly what he wants but I need to hear it.

"Please what?"

"Suck my dick." His whispered answer is such a turn on, my pussy is throbbing as if I didn't have a fantastic orgasm just minutes ago.

"You promised to stuff my mouth with your huge cock." I drop to my knees and look up at him, my lips slightly parted.

"And I will," Sy growls in a low voice. "I'm gonna fill you up, babe." He takes my head in his big hands and guides it towards his crotch. He grabs his dick and shoves it in my mouth. I moan when my lips close around him. "Deeper?" I nod and he pushes a little harder but stops when he feels that I've reached my limit and now I can finally start to give him the blow job.

I love it, love how much power it gives me while at the same time I enjoy the feeling of degradation. I wanna be his whore and I wanna be his master. I want him to dominate me and I want him to be needy, greedy, depending on me. I use my mouth on the tip of his massive member and my hand on his shaft and I know he's already close. His moans turn into heavy panting, his hands tug at my hair, his hips thrust carefully, giving him the feeling of mouthfucking me though I'm in control.

"Touch yourself. I want you to cum when I spill my load in your mouth." His voice is so rough and deep it makes me shiver. I obey without hesitation because I really need to come again. I'm literally dripping with arousal and so I pleasure myself. I have this picture of us in my mind, his dick between my swollen lips, how I give him head, a sweaty, obedient mess, how much he wants to come in my mouth, all while I finger my wet pussy. When I stimulate my clit I get closer and closer.

"You're there, darling? I can't hold back any longer…." I nod and I hear him cry out loud.

"FUCK!" 

Sy grabs my head again, fucking my mouth with full force while he cums. His dick slides down my throat and I have to gag although I enjoy the sensation of his cock balls-deep in my mouth. When I climax, it's even harder than the first time and I feel like exploding into millions of stars. I swallow his seed before he pulls out slowly.

He drops to his knees too and kisses me long and deep, his hands cupping my face tenderly. We both collapse on the ground and just lay there for a while, on the checkered vinyl flooring in my tiny kitchen, holding hands, looking at each other lovingly.

"Guess that's enough sports for today, baby?" I grin at him and Sy laughs out loud. "Yeah, I could get used to that kind of cardio, though." He smirks and I kiss him. "And now do me a favor, Sy and order a pizza. That lunch meat was delicious, but I'm still starving."

****

do you have any writing tips for ?intermediate? writers (been writing awhile, know basics but still feel like im missing something)? your fics are so so so AMAZING and i look up to you as a writing icon

first of all thank you so much??? that's literally so flattering omg??

also!! I actually have another ask I'm working on about my writing process specifically and i was going to write a bit about how i block out plot there, so I'll just do general advice here!!!!! I actually haven't been in an english class for about 5? years? (dropout club ✌) but i DO study theater and I borrow a lot of character techniques from there!

my first piece of advice is to enjoy what you're doing. my second is to know where you're going with it- I actually make up a lot as i go along and make last minute edits, but I tend to have an idea of the vague theme of the piece- if not when I start writing, at least before I post.

I'm a big fan of foreshadowing and recurring themes!!! idk I just think they're neat!! at the beginning of a story, I usually set out what themes I want to explore, and then pick out some specific imagery that I think fits in with that? (for example- you've got the right was coffee, rooftops, tending wounds, greed; therefore you and me was tv, memory, plants. and that was what I initially mapped out, the way I handled those changed and i added more throughout the stories. kattar shuffle, so far, is: cards, eyes, morality. spoilers.) I think having little bits of imagery that repeat semi-frequently throughout the story can really add to the overall theme and tone? (and they're good filler if you're stuck for descriptions or pacing.)

ummm hm. I try to be conscious of how I'm beginning my sentences? this is baby stuff but I sometimes rephrase things to get a little more variation. I also think repetition can be really useful if applied deliberately! I sort of. try to view my writing as being very like. sort of the characters' internal monologues? which I think helps with the flavor a little!!!

OOOH and. get a good soundtrack!! I curate my writing playlists VERY carefully and I usually end up listening to one/two songs for about an hour while I work on a specific scene, because you gotta have the Tone. you may have noticed from the fact I steal pretty much every title from a song (I'm bad at titles) that I rely on music quite a bit! I steal soundtracks from movies, tiktok, my parents. the music I listen usually makes me feel more confident about me carrying the tone of a scene which makes me feel better about my writing which! maybe makes it better who knows!

um! write poetry for a while! read poetry! im definitely very inspired by confessional poetry- I read a lot of plath when I was younger and now I read things like hes so masc and i thought we'd be famous and! I think poetry is hugely helpful!! good poets (particularly in "modern" or confessional poetry which isnt really constrained too much by traditional rhythm and therefore is a little closer to prose) are really excellent and condensing down a lot of emotions and ideas into a handful of lines. I dont think much has ever hit me as hard as "warm and human, then their pink light / bleeding and peeling".

be overdramatic and pretentious! push at reality. I dont CARE that chloroform cant gas a whole room full of people and that general anesthetics are hard to dose and potentially dangerous!!! i do not care about realistic amounts of alcohol or the timing of music! be wrong with confidence! most people won't mind as long as it doesn't conflict with the world of the story as a whole.

get a solid grasp on your characterization! I watch and read a lot of meta and also a lot of other fanfic, but at the same time I... dont entirely let other people's interpretations define my own? I think it's good to come to your own idea of how a character acts! (this is. for fanfic specifically but also! play with the characterization of your ocs, too! mine have gone through a lot of changes after I've received feedback from other people and adjusted/doubled down on their behaviour.)

I guess uh. the best thing I can say is to really devote yourself to a story! make a playlist. make a pinterest board. imagine amvs and other people's reactions!!! I. spend around four hours writing daily and SIGNIFICANTLY more time thinking about my current brainworms. I fall asleep listening to music and thinking of an amv I would make for kattar shuffle if I were. able to animate or draw consistently. the more you think of it, the more scenes or imagery pop up, and the more little snatches of dialogue and interactions you want occur to you. note these down!! I have a lot of notes that wont be relevant for chapters and chapters but I note them anyway and when I do get to write those scenes it's always so fun.

uh also. I recommend roleplaying. not even for fandoms theres a lot of servers you can join to play with OCs. roleplaying definitely made me a better writer. it's also definitely helped my characterization for fanfic.

anyway!!! that's all I can think of now I'm sorry!!!! tbh I. just vibrate with it really but i think all this stuff is what i find personally helpful!!!!! sorry this is so long!!!!

Playing Monopoly

Summary:

Some of the students just decide to play monopoly. Let's just say that it doesn't end well...

Notes:

Helooo! Missed me?

First of all, thanks to all of you who left kudos on my previous works in this series! 10 KUDOS IN A DAY! I couldn't believe it! Thank. You. SO. MUCH!!!!!! Second is that if you have any requests of fanarts that you made/came across with about a scene containing the characters or prompts that would last a chapter (or two, deoending on it! Also counts for the fanarts!) I would love to write a story inspired by it! Just put the link in the comments and I will check it out and see if I can come up with any ideas! (Since I have lots of time, I think that I will be able to do it!) Third is that this fanfic was inspired by a fanart I came across on pinterest. Basically, it's a shot of some students from class A playing monopoly. Um... Deku looses and Bakugou wins and the rest is absolute chaos. I won't say anything else, but I will be posting it on Tumblr along with the fanart (I've also done that with "Haven't we met yet…?" and "Give those two a push, Class 1A!" which you can find in this series!) (my tumblr is The All Might Blog, in case you wish to see the fanarts) I hope you enjoy the read!

Here is the fanart: 

XD I know, right? Just look at Todoroki’s expression and poor Izuku’s (but I changed some things in the fic....)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

All Might stood in front of Class 1A's commom room, his hand on the doorknob. He didn't dare open it yet. Why were his students shouting so much? He slowly twisted the know open and opened the door.

Bakugou was lying on top of what seemed to be a monopoly board with a very grumpy look on his face. Midoriya was being showered with bank notes from the game, looking both pleased and scared. Iida and Urakawa were shouting and showering bank notes down on Midoriya. Kirishima hadthrown his arms up and was shouting "WHY, CRUEL WORLD?!". Denki was laughing on the couch, Present Mic and Eraserhead seated beside him (the latter rolling his eyes and saying that he wanted to take a nap). And Todoroki was inside a carboard box with the word JAIL written on it with what All Might thought to be bars. All Might stood at the entrance for a few moments later before closing the door. "I will come back later..." he muttered, walking back the way he had come.

AN HOUR EARLIER...

"Anyone wanna play Monopoly?" Urakawa asked, showing them the box (it was a game of thrones edition). "Oh, Kachan, do you remember when we used to play together?" Midoriya asked. "And how I used to beat you over and over again? Yeah." Bakugou said, flipping the page of the magazine he was reading. "That doesn't ask my question!" Urakawa said, "Does anyone want to have a round?" "I think I will. I haven't got anything to do." Todoroki said, raising his hand from the couch he was sitting at. "I will, too!" Midoriya said. "Count me in as well," Iida said, adjusting his glasses, "I consider myself a formidable player." "I am bored. I will be an expectator." Denki said. Soon enough, Urakawa had set up the game board on the floor- and there was a turn of events as well. "You guys have to be kidding. A jail." Bakugou said (he had joined in to prove that he was a good player). The "jail" was a large cardboard box big enough to fit a person, with the word JAIL written in marker under a bunch of crudely cut out bars. "Yup!" Urakawa said with a bright smile. She handed out the pieces and the bank notes as they sat around the game board, their pieces set at start. "What are you guys doing?" They all turned their heads to see Present Mic and their homeroom teacher, Eraserhead, enter the room. "Playing monopoly!" Denki said from his spot on the couch (a small sign had been stuck to it saying EXPECTATORS). "I can see that it won't end well. We will see how it goes." Eraserhead sat next to Denki. Present Mic sat next to them. "Let's all throw to see who starts," Iida said. The order was soon determined: First Todoroki, then Kirishima, Iida, Urakawa, Bakugou and Midoriya. Todoroki landed on one of the properties and bought it, paying 100 bank notes for it. And so on it went. I will mention the most important parts, else it would just drag on for some time.

"Ha ha, Idiot! You have to pay me for landing on my property!" Bakugou said when Midoriya was unfortunate enough to land on his property. "Right. How much is it?" Midoriya asked, leafing through his bank notes. "Fve hundred notes." "What? It says here it's fifty-" Iida began to say, but Bakugou cut him off. "It's my property, you dingus." "Bakugou, have you ever read the rules?" Five minutes passed by with Iida and Bakugou arguing over the manual. "Did he do that while he played with you back when you two were little?" Urakawa asked Midoriya. "Yeah..." "No wonder he kept on wining…!"

"You keep on buying all the property," Todoroki said as Iida paid notes to the bank for his fifth property. "It is helpful for wining," Iida said. "Why do you look at him? It's Bakugou with the seven properties!" Urakawa said. Bakugou smirked at them. "Good luck with not landing on my properties," he said.

About ten minutes after that, it was Todoroki's turn to roll the dice. He did and- "YOU LANDED ON JAIL!" Kirishima shouted. "Poor Todoroki," Denki said as the other boy got in the box with a are you kidding me? look on his face. "The stakes are growing," Eraserhead mused. "And it looks like Bakugou or Iida might win..."

"Deku, why aren't you buying any property?" Urakawa asked. "Just wait and see." He said, rolling the dice. The number was six. Midoriya's grin grew even wider when his piece landed on the most expensive property on the board and he bought it. "Midoriya has tricked the other players!" Present Mic cried. "Good grief, Midoriya," Iida said, "If we land there..." Six minutes passed by before that happened. Bakugou pulled at his hair. "NOOO! How the-" he said. "Pay the land's owner." Iida said. Bakugou reluctantly handed over most of the money he had left. What Midoriya did in his next turns was buy all the property around that last one.

It was Todoroki's turn again. He rolled the dice... and landed himself in jail once more. "The game obviously hates me." he said, getting back in the box with a sigh.

Urakawa landed on a box in which she had to pick up a card. She read it, her eyes growing huge. "What is it?" Kirishima asked. "I lost." she said, paying the last of her money to the bank. "Oof." Denki said as she joined them at the couch. Present Mic patted her shoulder. "You tried."

Several more minutes passed by before it became obvious thatbthe one who would win was Mirodiya. Iida had lost all of his money after landing on one of his properties, and so had Kirishima. Only he, Bakugou and Todoroki remained seated at the board. Todoroki rolled the dice. "Well, at least it's not jail again!" He said, moving his piece. However, the hox was one of those in which you have to move back a few boxes. He landed on jail again. "Yep. The game defenetely hates me." he said, crawling back into the box.

"I'm gonna win, Deku!" Bakugou growled as he purchased another property. "Oh really?" Midoriya chuckled. Minutes passed before Bakugou landed on his prooerty, paying what little money he had left.

BACK TO THE PRESENT...

"Hey, All Might!" Midnight said with a wave. "Have you seen Eraserhead?" "He's in the Class 1A commom room. But don't go there yet. It's... scary."

Notes:

My next work might be an origin story about All Might. Still dodn't know. Between that and this, there will be another update! I hope you enjoyed the read!

i really like hearing you talk. i mean i guess a more accurate version would be "i really like reading your posts" but i guess it feels more like hearing you talk. i'm hardly more than nineteen right now myself, but i like reading your posts knowing you have the perspective of adulthood. i guess it feels nice knowing that sometimes, that feeling that there's a pane of glass btwn you and the rest of a fandom might never fully go away. (1/2)

Hello friend!

First, let me say that I have received an incredible amount of support from all corners of the fandom!  Over the past few days, I’ve received supportive anon asks, messages on Tumblr and discord DMs.  And do you know what that means?  

Not only are we not alone in feeling lonely (and it’s okay to feel that way), but it’s actually pretty common.

The point, I think, is it never let the loneliness consume you.  For me, that means admitting that I’m lonely and working through it.  But enough about me.  (Well, sort of.)  You said something that I really, really want to talk about.  I hope you don't mind. 

i guess it feels nice knowing that sometimes, that feeling that there's a pane of glass btwn you and the rest of a fandom might never fully go away.

This, this right here is something I want to address.  Now, I don’t know your specific situation, but this sounds a lot like a phenomenon I've been grappling with since I first started participating in fandom as a young teen.  I’m 32, and it still happens.  I can’t count the number of times I’ve expressed interest in something and someone has felt the need to check my geek credentials.

I have been asked quizzed about the canon’s finer points to prove that I am a true fan.  (Appraised like some exotic rug because I also happen to be a woman.)  People have chosen not to respond to my friendly remarks until they found out that I’m a decent fic writer.  (Because before they confirmed my ability, I wasn't worthy of their attention.)  There was a particular comment I remember from high school which has stayed with me.  I wore a belt buckle to school with an anime character on it.

Someone said:  “What would you even know about that?”

Let’s call this what it is, friend.  This is gatekeeping. 

It’s not about the questions or observations made; it’s the intentions behind them.  It exists in every field, and its basic function is to keep someone away from something they like because they haven’t proven that they meet certain criteria.  Not all gatekeeping is inherently bad or mean-spirited, but whatever the reason, gatekeeping drives people away by discouraging them.  If you tell someone, through words or actions, that they are not wanted, most people will go away. 

Now, back to FMA.

There was a post going around in late 2019 about an inner circle of FMA fans that was so exclusive no one could break into it no matter how much they tried.  I read that post and a few of its reblogs.  I never reblogged it, and I cannot find it now.  (If anyone knows where to find it, please share it so I can link to it.)  However, I remember thinking that this post was a minefield.

A person cannot force a group of people to accept them, nor should the group of people be forced to welcome new blood into their ranks.  I won’t comment about whether I think this group exists.  But if it does, and the fandom stops producing content, there’s a good argument that this exclusive group has hurt the interest they were trying to safeguard by smothering it.

All this to say, friend, that if you feel like this is happening to you (especially in an area that’s supposed to be a fun hobby), nope out of the situation as fast as you can.  Don't change yourself to “prove yourself.”  Do not make “notice me senpai” gestures if you find yourself giving and giving to a person or group of people and receiving nothing in return. 

Find people who appreciate you for you, people who think of you as more than a kudo, reblog or comment.   Seek the kind of connections that sustain you.

All that feedback is great.  The people who give me kudos and comment though we don’t talk are amazing!  Not every online relationship will be deep and that's perfectly fine as long as no one is feeling used.  However, when you find yourself in a situation where the feedback is slim and you need encouragement, it is your friends who will sustain your interest.

Which brings me to a tidbit of information I learned the hard way:  Never, ever put all your eggs in one basket.  Diversify your interests.

Maintain other interests.  Watch other anime.  Play Animal Crossing AND Doom.  Deepen your healthy real-life connections.  Learn to cross-stitch.  Always be on the lookout for inspiration.  Most everything that has a beginning also has an ending.  Prepare for that eventuality.

a lot of what helps me pull through struggle is watching people older than me talk about how they lived and worked through any variety of scrapes and situations (to put it lightly) and the constant reminders that i'll come out the other end maybe a little worse for wear, but ultimately still here.

Are you familiar with the concept of Kintsugi?  According to Wikipedia, it is, “the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum, a method similar to the maki-e technique.  As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise.”

I like to think that whenever I’ve been through a scrape that’s marked me, I try to own my experience.  It does not own me, but I don't try to hide my scars.  The lesson I take from that experience becomes part of my story.  Not only am I still here, but I’m also stronger than I was before.  Wiser than I was before.  More interesting than I was before.

Better.

And let me be clear, what happened the other day was not one of those experiences.  No artist liked my fic enough to claim it.  It’s not a big deal because I have other projects to focus on.  I have other fics planned.  I’m invested in other fandom events.  I’ve got a beta to work on.  I’ve got to find more iron nuggets in Animal Crossing.  There’s even some fun baking projects on my Pinterest board.  Plus, I have people who love me and support me.

Wow, that got long!  I hope some of these ramblings helped you!  And if you ever want to talk to me, I’ll be more than happy to tell you how I struggle.

Thanks for sending me an ask, friend.  I appreciate you!

Please Read 2.0 Part 4: EUAAAEO

That mess of vowels that served as a title stands for Expelling Unnecessary Accounts And Altering Existing Ones. Because that’s basically what this whole bit of news is about. I was originally going to have it split into multiple parts, but they’re all similar enough that I changed my mind. So, straight to the chase: I find that I have too many social media accounts and I think it’s time to change the ones I will continue to have. Now, I know that it’s a good marketing strategy to have as many social media accounts as possible, but honestly? I’m willing to risk my marketing taking a hit in exchange for maintaining my sanity. And actually? I’ve not gotten rid of as many accounts as you might think (not as many as I want to, that’s for sure). Only 2, Wattpad and Fanfiction.net. Yes, my longer being on Wattpad means I no longer have access to stories posted there. But I never honestly liked using Wattpad, whether for reading or posting, so I really only held onto the account because I felt I had to. Really, I just needed an excuse to delete it. There are some stories there that I am sad that I’ll never get to read again, but *shrugs* that’s something I can live with. As for fanfiction.net, I just don’t feel like risking going against their rules, particularly when it comes to rating. I know that some have gotten away with posting lists or explicit smut and stuff on there, but still. It is a risk, and I’d rather not end up pushing my luck too far and facing the wrath of FF.net’s admins. So, there’s that. Also, no, I didn’t actually delete my FF.net account, because they don’t actually let you delete accounts over there. But I have altered it so I can’t sign in there anymore. On the plus-side, this means the stories over there are still up so you can still read my first 20+ fics over there if you want. Just know that I won’t be able to interact with anyone over there. Next up are some accounts that I’m not deleting, but I will no longer be active on as a creator: DeviantART, YouTube and Facebook. Yes, I’m still very unhappy with DA Eclipse and I would rather use it as little as humanly possible. So, even after my hiatus, I won’t be posting there anymore save for rare exceptions (like if I made a post for/inspired by/in collaboration with my brother, who is still on DA). I also won’t be super-active there in terms of messaging and chatting, partly because I just prefer Tumblr’s PM method now. So, yeah, as sad as I am to mostly-leave my first ever platform, I’ve finally settled on this decision and I’ve made my peace with it. I like to think of it as my “growing up and leaving the nest” kind of thing. Again, not abandoning DA entirely, but it will no longer be my primary and most active social media platform. For YouTube, it’s more that I just don’t want to make AMVs anymore, and, quite honestly, I think a lot of that has to do with Raptor of the Opera. It was just such a long, grueling and so negative experience that it just put me off making AMVs and soured the whole hobby for me. Video-editing is a lot of work and I sincerely applaud those who make it their livelihood! I also know that it can be very fun work, and I will admit that I had lots of fun moments when making AMVs in the past. But it’s not quite enough fun for me in comparison with all of the effort and work that I have to put into it. Add onto that the negative experiences and emotions now associated with AMV-making for me, and I hope you can understand why I’m not doing it anymore. But another reason I don’t plan to make videos anymore (at least for the foreseeable future) is because that’s just not the content I want to focus on. It’s not my most important content or the kind of content I want to be famous for making. I’m a writer. My writing is what I care most about and, when I get back from my hiatus, I want to focus more on writing and making more written content. It won’t be easy, and I admit that I still love drawing and will doubtless continue drawing a lot, but this is what I want to put more time and effort into, and I feel it’s more worth it than any of my videos, whether it’s AMVs, MFMs (dear god, someone please explain to me why those are my most popular videos *epic facepalm*) or Speedpaints. So, yeah, I’ll still be on YouTube a lot (maybe more than I should be, honestly, that site is just so distracting) to comment and like and stuff, and my old videos will still be there. I just won’t be posting any new videos, at least not for a LOOOOONNNG time. BTW: I’ve put all of my old videos into a playlist, and I’m thinking of making said videos Unlisted, so you can only view or find them via the playlist. Maybe. I haven’t quite settled on that decision yet. As for Facebook, I think I’ve made it no secret at this point that I just DO NOT like Facebook! Honestly, if I felt I could get away with it, I would delete my Facebook account entirely. But I still need it for IRL stuff on occasion, so *sigh* better safe than sorry. Someday, though, I’ll be happy to kick that account to the curb. Which leaves the sites I will be remaining very active on: Pinterest, Tumblr and ArchiveOfOurOwn. Pinterest because I really like it and it’s a great place for me to gather images that inspire me or that make me feel better when I’m down (I have an entire section of one of my boards dedicated entirely to Keith Kogane because that boy is my self-care and I’ll be making a similar board for Karna because he is my emotional-support-husbando). Tumblr because, despite being a hellsite, I’ve come to enjoy my own little corner there, because I met my best friends there (and because I like the PM system there, though not as much as Discord), because I can find a surprisingly huge amount of good content there and because, since I’m dropping DA, it’s the next best thing I’ve got to a place where I can post all of my content. And ArchiveOfOurOwn because…actually, do I even need a reason? As long as people are smart enough to tag everything appropriately, it’s pretty fucking fantastic! So, yeah, when my quasi-hiatus is over, I’ll be back to posting frequently on these sites. Until then, I’m afraid I don’t have much else to say about this. I guess I…hope you guys will follow me on Tumblr, Pinterest and Ao3 because that’s where you’ll see me most once I’m fully back? *shrugs* You do you, guys. Thanks for reading/watching this, stay safe and take care of yourselves in this crazy world of ours! (oh, and if you’ve been reading/watching all of the parts so far, stay strong, there’s only one left, then you’re free)

How to Get/Stay Inspired

Honestly, when it comes to inspiration and the acquisition thereof, every single creative is so different that I wasn’t even sure I should make this post. I know a lot of people struggle with this, though, and while I’m not always motivated to actually write, I generally stay pretty inspired one way or another, so maybe I’m doing something right somewhere?

It’s important to remember that not all writers have the same brain and the things that work for me might not work for you, but if you’re really stuck, anything is worth a shot, right?

🌙

✧･ﾟ:* Read *:･ﾟ✧*

These tips aren’t exactly in order, but I’ve put this as number one because you cannot underestimate the importance of reading as a writer. Any kind of reading helps, it doesn’t have to be fiction, though it is better if it’s related to what you want to write. At the moment, I’m mostly reading WWI non-fiction stuff, but I find it keeps me inspired by providing me with a bunch of new details to add to my fic.

✧･ﾟ:* Music *:･ﾟ✧*

For me, music is more of a tool to stay inspired than to get inspired. Music has a way of making us feel something very specific, so making a playlist for one of your existing stories can really help to consolidate an aesthetic and maintain it as you continue writing. Trying out some new music - a playlist you didn’t make, for example, or that artist you were recommended that you’ve been meaning to listen to for months - could lead to you finding the perfect song for your WIP or something brand new. You could also try listening to music you haven't heard in years to see what sort of fun that stirs up.

✧･ﾟ:* Pinterest *:･ﾟ✧*

I’m a very visual person, so I love creating moodboards and mock book covers and stuff. Not everyone has Photoshop or even the desire to make things like that, but you don’t need to commit to actually making the moodboards. Sifting through a bunch of images and gathering them together in a Pinterest board is a really good way to establish a visual aesthetic and it’s something you can revisit for an inspiration boost later on.

✧･ﾟ:* Other Related Media *:･ﾟ✧*

Aside from Pinterest, this is probably my main source of inspiration. As I said, I’m very visually driven, so films and series are my best friends when I’m having trouble writing. It’s often best to stick to things that are close to the subject you’re writing about. For example, when I’m working on AGS, I try to watch as many things as possible related to WWI/WWII, or even just anything set in that 1890s-1940s time period. For me, documentaries also help, but they can be a lot more draining to watch.

Netflix is my main port of call for this step, but that’s me! If you wanna write a pro gamer AU, then play your games, my fren, try to channel your character and how they would react to what’s happening. For certain things, going out on some kinda field trip could also be an option - a museum or an art exhibition, or just Starbucks, go wild.

✧･ﾟ:* ‘Method’ Writing *:･ﾟ✧*

Like method acting, but for the purpose of writing. It sounds stupid, but it does work sometimes, I swear. A little like channeling your character as you play a video game, you could try doing things your character would do even if they’re not necessarily things you would do. If you wanna write about fairies, go outside, walk in the woods, make a daisy chain, collect some plants to press. If your character is an artist, try drawing - you don’t have to be any good, but this will help you get into the mindset of your character. A while back, I went out and bought a can of corned beef to taste it - it was pretty nasty, but it inspired me to write an entire paragraph about how fucking nasty corned beef is.

There are so many ways to tailor this type of exercise to suit your story and what you’ve got the energy for on any given day. The main thing is to approach it with an open mind. You’re doing it for the art, man. 

✧･ﾟ:* ‘ Sketch ’ *:･ﾟ✧*

I don’t mean the drawing kind, although if you think that might help, go for it. I mean the writer’s equivalent of sketching. For me, that means doing things like research, scene outlines, character profiles, other notes. It’s usually my last resort once all else has failed, once I’ve had my break from writing, watched my series, listened to my playlist, made seven Pinterest boards and still have nothing. ‘Sketching’ gets you feeling productive again without forcing you to work on the demon WIP directly. Even if you don’t get hit with a sudden blinding epiphany, you will eventually wriggle your way out of that inspiration rut, I can almost guarantee it.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

That’s all I got, fellas. If you’re a new writer, it will probably take you some time to find what works best for you, so be patient. It’s also worth remembering that what works this time might not get you out of your inspirationless hole the next time, and it may take a combination of all these things over time to get you back on track. If you have any more questions about this topic or suggestions for future posts, please don’t hesitate to drop into my ask box! Thank you for reading~

how would you describe your sense of humor? what are your favorite books, movies, genres? who are your fave artists, singers, creators? where do you draw inspiration from?

hello, anon :) these are quite the questions, lol. we might be here for a while.

1. i would describe my sense of humor as 1 part dry sarcasm, 1 part immature 12 year old boy who still laughs at fart noises, and 1 part dad jokes

2. books. i’m actually kind of embarrassed to admit that i don’t really read them much anymore. most of what i read these days is fic, but i still have books and authors that i love. tolkien, gaiman, david levithan, cormac mccarthy, murakami, francesca lia block, lev grossman, douglas adams. not very well-versed in female writers, so if anyone’s got recs, i’d be happy to receive them.

3.  movies. you probably don’t realize what you’re getting yourself into by asking me this lol. though, to be fair, i’ve stopped watching/paying attention to a majority of the film industry because it doesn’t excite me anymore. so, my list is composed of primarily older films, in no particular order: labyrinth, the dark crystal, the fifth element, in the mood for love, the adventures of priscilla queen of the desert, rocky horror picture show, the princess bride, pulp fiction, city of lost children, kontroll, a single man, empire records, heathers, les chansons d’amour, les enfants du paradis, like...every musical ever, most marvel movies, blade runner, oldboy, gone in 60 seconds, the dreamers, weekend (the gay one, obviously), gattaca, eastern promises, pan’s labyrinth, the big lebowski, the fall, stranger than fiction, jeaux d’enfants, everything jim jarmusch has ever made. i could go on, but i’ll leave it there.

i also watch a shit ton of anime, but that’s another rabbit hole for another time.

4. genres. if it’s sci-fi or fantasy, i’m usually already on board. except that most of the time it ends up being disappointing (at least in regards to film and television). these days, anything that isn’t heteronormative garbage, i guess. except that i kind of also love stuff like dumb action movies because i don’t have to use my brain. the classics will always be my faves, but all of these stories have already been told and the vast majority of everything that’s been coming out the last however many years is either boring or half-assed or a remake of something that did it better the first time.

5. artists. i feel like you’re calling me out with these things lmao. i honestly could not sit here and tell you which artists i used to love. not that i don’t still interact with art or appreciate it, it’s just different now. i like reading webcomics. the illustrators out there right now are killing it. highly rec this gorgeous little gem. line’s webtoon app is pretty much a goldmine. there’s something for everyone and you get to support independent artists just trying to do what they love. i also use pinterest a lot, to either keep track of art that i enjoy purely aesthetically or for story reference/inspiration.

6. singers/musicians. again, a deep dark rabbit hole lol. i’m gonna be pretty general here bc this is getting kind of long (sorry). i still listen to a lot of kpop and k-indie stuff, but i’ve rediscovered my love for the japanese music scene, so i’ve been hardcore into that lately. (if anyone wants recs, hit me up). otherwise it’s pretty random. i like most genres. i listen to a lot of osts, usually from video games. also, i have ella fitzgerald’s face tattooed on my arm if that tells you anything.

7. creators. lately it’s been anime and video games, tbh. i’ve found that the way i want to engage with content is more immersive and less passive these days, so video games are kind of hitting that sweet spot for me because it’s such a unique way of storytelling. and the narratives being told in anime have always resonated with me. the depth and complexity of the characters and the worlds they live in, not to mention the visual stimulation of diverse art styles. the way animation, of all kinds, can utilize composition and movement just really does it for me. doesn’t hurt that a lot of it is pretty gay, so. there’s that.

8. inspiration. i draw inspiration from everything. sometimes all it takes is seeing something in my daily life, just a small otherwise insignificant detail, and an idea forms and grows all on its own. i think a lot of my ideas stem from the things i find aesthetically appealing. music videos, an illustration, clothing, environment design, photographs of all types. it’s usually visual. but i also find inspiration in music and the narratives other people create. mostly because, as far as mainstream content is concerned, i want to create the versions of things that don’t currently exist the way i wish they did. it’s why we fanfic, you know? and not even just for the queer/poc representation. i feel like a majority of mainstream tv/film/whatever just really misses the mark.

probably wrote way more than you were anticipating lol, but there it is. thanks for the ask :) hope it was what you were looking for. if there’s anything i wasn’t specific enough about, just let me know.

Gimme Shelter - 2

Ready for chapter 2? Here it is. This whole fic, but especially this part, was inspired by this article/interview. Men's Journal Article In particular by Henry's statements about his time at boarding school.

In this chapter we learn about Henry's and Kat's past. I hope you enjoy it. If so, please leave me a comment, like or replog. 💜

Previous part -> Nashi's Masterlist

Pairing: Henry Cavill x OFC (Kat Spencer)

Words: ~3.4k

Summary: Henry has to deal with a personal crisis and he finds shelter with his old rugby mate Sam and his sister Kat. She used to be Henry’s best friend a very long time ago. Will they be able to become friends again or maybe even more? Chapter 2: Kat remembers the day Henry hurt her very much and they have the unavoidable conversation about it.

Warnings: RPF, mention of bullying, angst, humiliation

No beta! All mistakes are mine. English is not my mother tongue so expect bad grammar and wrong spelling.

Disclaimer: I don’t know the real Henry Cavill, this is pure fiction and nothing more

Credits: Pics for the moodboard from Pinterest. Faceclaims: Kat = Jennifer Connelly

Taglist (please let me know if you want to be added or removed)

@lunedelorient @inlovewithhisblueeyes @willkatfanfromasia @hell1129-blog @mis-lil-red @agniavateira @kebabgirl67 @omgkatinka @legendarywizarddetective @summersong69 @taebfada @xxxkatxo @madbaddic7ed @artandotherdelights @sweetlybigdragonn @notabronte @littlefreya @luclittlepond @eldarwen333 @meowpurrbooks @marantha @rn7rocks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2

"And I say I'll never hurt her

But she knows it isn't true

'Cause although I never told her

I think she knows 'bout me and you."

From "When Susannah Cries", written by Amund Bjorklund/Espen Lind

****

Kat found herself confronted with Henry all alone after a week of avoiding him. Of course they had met when they had dinner together in the evenings but she had stayed out of Sam's and Henry's conversations most of the time and during the day she stayed in her office, busy with work. Sometimes she secretly watched him, peeking out of her window, when he played with Kal in the garden or when he was doing workouts or stretching when he came back from one of his runs, but she avoided meeting him.

She knew it was idiotic but she just couldn't forget their past. She felt childish and silly and of course it was unavoidable to talk about it at some point but she wasn't ready yet. On this Friday morning she was sitting in the kitchen having breakfast when he came back from his morning run unusually late.

"Morning, Kat." He flashed her a bright smile before he started to make a protein shake and an egg sandwich. He looked fantastic even when he was sweaty and worn out.

"Good morning." She avoided his gaze and concentrated on her porridge. 

"Mind if I join you?" Henry pointed at the chair opposite of her.

"No. Please, sit." Kat gave him an awkward smile. It still felt so strange to have him around, it made her uncomfortable and tense.

"I already said this to Sam, the house is beautiful. I mean it always was, I remember it very well but what you made of it is great. Modern and traditional at the same time, perfect mixture." 

"Thank you." She didn't know what else to say but Henry didn't seem to mind her taciturn reply, he kept on smiling and talking.

"I was pretty surprised when I heard that you moved here. I mean, you were always a big city girl, you hated Stowe, and then...St. Ives...not only for holidays but for good…" 

"Yeah. At some point I was getting sick of the big city lights, of all the hectic and the noise and all the crowded places." Kat explained shrugging. "And when our parents thought about selling the house after their divorce, Sam and I decided to buy and renovate it. He was looking for a place to open a practise anyway and the old vet in town was giving up his, so it was the perfect opportunity for him and I can work from anywhere so we moved here."

"Right, Sam mentioned you're an editor."

"Yes. I have a little editing office and work as a freelancer for different publishing houses."

"That's great, Kat. You've always been good with words."

She smiled and this time it was more relaxed. "And you've always been a good entertainer."

Henry chuckled. "Most of the time you found my little performances annoying. I remember that very well."

Kat laughed. "You're right. When you tried your stand up comedy on me. That was a pain in the ass. But you were great on stage. You were a natural."

"We were a great team, all of our drama group."

"That's true but you were outstanding in Grease. Everyone said that. I remember our parents were gushing over your performance all night after the premiere." She laughed again and rolled her eyes. 

"That must have sucked. Didn't your mother want to make you join the drama group too?" "Yes. And she hated that I preferred to write for the school newspaper. She thought I was wasting my creative potential."

"She was wrong. Your articles always were the most progressive, interesting and polarizing ones."

"Yeah, maybe. But she was right when she said you were extraordinarily talented. You're a great actor."

"Thanks, Kitty."

Her smile froze. Kitty. He was the only one who'd ever called her that. And he stopped doing it 22 years ago.

"I'm sorry, Kat. I don't know where that came from." He said with a remorseful frown.

"Just don't call me that ever again."

"Of course not. Unless you ask me to." He gave her a sheepish smile.

She shook her head, visibly annoyed. "Not gonna happen."

"Kat. Please, I'm really sorry and I know I lost every right to call you that a very long time ago but maybe we can start over again. Talk about what happened. I never got the chance to explain…"

"Don't even start, okay? I don't wanna hear it." She interrupted him mid-sentence and started to stir her coffee so angrily that she spilled half of it on the table.

Henry began to chew on his bottom lip. "It's just that my therapist told me to follow through my past, to take a close look at the mistakes I've made...to learn from them."

"My, my...too bad my therapist told me the exact opposite. Let the past die. Kill it if you have to. That's what he said."

Kat shrugged apologetically.

"That's not something a therapist would say, Kat. This is from Star Wars The Last Jedi. Ben Solo said this to Rey."

He knew the quote. Still a nerd, Kat thought. Still that damn cute dork.

"Never underestimate the wisdom of a Star Wars character." 

"Ok, I get it. You don't wanna talk about it." Henry raised his hands in surrender.

"You catch on quick, don't you?" Kat said sarcastically.

Henry shook his head, rolling his eyes with an annoyed snort.

"Alright, let's keep it under the cloak of silence." 

"Yup."

"Fine."

"Fine."

Kat crossed her arms and stared out of the window. Henry was fuming with anger. Why wouldn't she let him explain? Make a fresh start? They were 16 back then, stupid teenagers, why wasn't it possible to talk about this damn night now, 22 bloody years later? He bolted down his sandwich and his shake and left the room without another word.

****

Kat went upstairs after this unpleasant encounter and plopped down on her bed with a desperate sigh. She remembered that damn night so fucking well. Still. After all these years. It was burnt into her memory as the biggest humiliation of her life. The day her heart broke in a way, no man had ever been able to repair it. Superficially maybe but not to the core. That stupid summer dance. Kat closed her eyes and suddenly she was sixteen again.

I really don't know why I'm already wearing that silly dress three hours before I have to go, I didn't want to have it at all. At least not before Henry suggested going to the dance with me. As friends of course but nevertheless. It will be the two of us together. You and me, Kitty. Two lonely hearts. That's what Henry said to me. That was four weeks ago and ever since that day it's all I can think about. I look at my reflection in the mirror and I like what I see. The dress is cute, it's light blue and quite romantic with all the frills and the puffed sleeves and I feel like an Edwardian lady from one of the novels Henry and I love so much. I feel pretty and I want to be pretty for him. I want to look like a girl tonight, not like a tomboy. I even bought a headband with little flowers. I'd really love to hear Amy's opinion on my dress. She's my roommate and friend but she's at the hospital because she had an appendix operation. 

The ringing of the phone in our room startles me. I take the call. It's Henry and he sounds awful. He says he has a very bad migraine and that he cannot go to the dance with me. He apologizes several times but of course it's not his fault. I know he has these attacks from time to time and I know he can't leave his bed when he does. He needs to sleep in complete silence and darkness and tomorrow he will be fine again. He tells me he wants me to go alone, to have fun tonight but of course I'm not going anywhere without him and he knows it. It's a shame, that's true but where's the point in going to a dance alone without my only friends, without Amy, without Henry.

I take off my dress and put on jeans and a hoodie. I look out of the window, the weather is wonderful and I decide to take a walk to distract myself from the disappointment.

Of course I run right into my big brother Samuel. He asks me what I'm doing in the park. Why I'm not getting ready for the big party and for my date. He just can't stop making fun of me. He knows it's not a date, that Henry and I are just friends but he loves to tease me. He says I'm in love with Henry and of course he's right, I am in love with him, deeply, I'm in love for the first time in my life but I keep on denying it. Sam must never know that he's right because he would use it against me, that's for sure. When I tell him about Henry and the migraine he says I can't skip the dance, that I really need some fun and that I'm going to like it. He convinces me to go with him. His date has dumped him because he cheated on her. He's a notorious heartbreaker but deep inside he is a nice guy and -all in all- a pretty good big brother. I hesitate but then I think of the beautiful dress that's waiting for me in my room and so I finally agree.

I go to Henry's room to tell him I'm going with Sam and to explain why. I don't want him to be upset that I go without him. I knock but there's no answer. I guess he sleeps and I don't want to wake him up and so I leave.

Sam picks me up at nine. The dance starts at eight but he wants a big entrance. It's all about attention and drama, Kat, he says and I guess he's right.

When we arrive at the party Sam soon disappears with Molly Smith, one of his many exes and I stand alone beside the cold buffet. That's when I see him. At first I don't believe my eyes but it's really him. It's Henry. He's standing there with all the popular kids, chatting and laughing and holding hands with Poppy Edwards, the most beautiful girl of our school. No sign of a bad migraine. I feel like I'm going to pass out. I can't look away, I want to but I just can't turn my eyes away from him. When he notices me his face falls. He stares at me and so does everyone who's standing there with him. My first impulse is to turn around and run away but I don't. My pride is stronger than the stinging pain in my heart. He obviously doesn't want me to be here. To see him with his new friends and his date or girlfriend or whatever this is. I jut my chin defiantly and stand my ground. I watch in horror how Poppy takes Henry by the hand and drags him in my direction. Their friends follow them.

She greets me with a smile that's sweet as sugar but the words that come out of her mouth are like poison. "Katherine, what a pretty dress. Where did you get it?" Before I'm able to stammer an answer she keeps going. "Did you find it in the prop room of the drama group? You look like Eliza Doolittle." She gives me a fake smile and her stupid friends start to giggle. I know my face is flaming red with anger, embarrassment and humiliation but Poppy's not done with me yet. She turns to Henry. "I bet she wants you to be her Professor Higgins. Everybody knows she has a crush on you. Maybe she wants to kiss you. Do you want to kiss this dressed up tomboy, Henry? Or do you want to kiss me?" Now every single one of them bursts out laughing and it feels like a punch in the guts. I'm on the brink of tears. I look at Henry, searching for help, but there's no reaction. He doesn't speak up against them, does nothing to defend and protect me, he doesn't even look at me.  He doesn't do anything, he just stands there staring holes in the ground, avoiding my gaze. I can't stand this anymore. Him. Her. All of them. I turn around and leave fully aware of the fact that this moment marks the end of our friendship.

When Kat woke up from that ghastly memory she felt just as terrible as 22 years ago. Humiliated and ashamed and angry. Very angry. She got up with a jolt, ran up the stairs to the second floor and headed right to Henry's rooms. She didn't knock, just stormed in, finding him standing there in only a pair of briefs. His curls were wet and he smelled heavenly. She stopped in her tracks and Henry stared at her. "Kat. What the fuck. Ever heard of privacy? Ever heard of knocking?"

She didn't answer, she just stood there unsure what to do or say. Henry put on a shirt and sweatpants and turned to her again. "Can I help you?"

"Explain." Kat said. "Explain to me what happened at the dance."

"Now?"

"Yes. Now. Is that a problem?"

He shook his head slowly. "Not at all. Wanna sit?" 

"No. I'm fine."

"Come on, Kat. This may take a while."

With a sigh she sat down on the sofa while Henry plopped down in the arm chair beside the window.

"So?" Kat looked at him expectantly.

"Well, first of all I wanna say I was a stupid wank back then. I lied to you and I let you down. I know this now, I knew it then, but when Poppy asked me to go to the dance with her…"

"When?"

"What?"

"When did she ask you?"

"A week before the ball."

Kat nodded. "Okay. Go on."

"Right. When Poppy asked me I just couldn't say no. I mean she was the most popular girl in our school and she wanted to go with a nobody like me. With fat Cavill, the lemon. Her attention just felt so good. The thought that she might be interested in me...it was too tempting to not give it a try. I just couldn't refuse her. I faked that migraine because I thought it was the easiest way to keep you away from the dance. I was sure you'd never go without me but I was wrong. I considered telling you the truth, I really did because I hated lying to you, Kat, but I finally decided to keep it a secret because I was sure you would try to talk me out of it. I knew you hated Poppy..."

"Yes, I did. She was a bitch. A manipulative, arrogant bitch and a bully."

"Like Aaron Taylor you mean?" Henry snapped at her with an angry glance. After all these years he was still jealous of the guy. "Aaron was arrogant, yes, but he was never manipulating anyone. He was more honest and true to himself than every single one of you and your friends. And for sure he was no bully. I wouldn't have been with him if he'd bullied anyone. He was a good guy." 

"Poppy wasn't that bad either. The real Poppy I mean. Not the queen bee she pretended to be."

Kat turned her eyes towards the ceiling and shook her head in disbelief. "Yeah, sure. She was an angel…You know, that was the hardest part. To process that you of all people were with a girl like her. She and her friends made fun of us and our love for literature so many times." Her voice got tense and she took a deep breath to calm down.  Henry sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose before he continued to speak.

"Anyway. I never wanted to hurt you, Kat. I hope you know that. I didn't expect you to show up and I know the way I treated you was awful. I didn't defend you, I hurt your feelings, I betrayed you and behaved like an asshole. I know this is almost inexcusable but I want you to know that I'm really sorry. I was back then but I didn't dare to tell you. And I still am. I'm sorry and ashamed of my behaviour. I can only apologize and hope for forgiveness." He avoided her gaze, staring at his hands.

A long silent pause followed his statement but after a while Kat inhaled deeply and after clearing her throat she started to talk. "Thank you, Henry. This really means a lot to me. I mean, hearing you admit all that. And the betrayal, that's what hurt the most. I want you to know that it was never about the fact that you didn't return my feelings for you. I mean, of course I was jealous of Poppy, but…"

Now Henry was the one to cut in.

"Wait. Your feelings for me?" He sounded genuinely surprised.

"Come on, don't act stupid. You must have known how I felt about you. I was pretty obvious and Poppy told everyone at the dance that I had a crush on you." Kat knew she was blushing but it was embarrassing to say that out loud.

"Kat, I swear I had no idea. I thought Poppy was just joking. I never considered you'd see me this way." He looked her right in the eyes before he continued. "You told me that you don't see me as a boy. That I was -and that's a quote I will never be able to forget- 'just like a girl that has a teeny wiener' to you."

"Oh god, Henry. I was 13 when I said that and I was a brat with a loose tongue. I did see you as a boy when we got older. Of course I did…" Kat gave him an awkward smile.

"So you really had a crush on me? Why didn't you say anything?" 

"To be honest it was a little more than a crush. I was in love with you. And when you said you'd go to the dance with me I thought that maybe there we would dance and get close and maybe share a special moment and a kiss or...I don't know. I just had these silly romantic fantasies…" Kat swallowed hard and shrugged. 

"You hoped that we'd become a couple that night."

She nodded.

"I never knew this, Kat." Henry felt awful. If he'd only known, he would never have said yes to Poppy if he'd had the slightest notion that Kat was in love with him.

"Well, it doesn't matter anymore, does it. That was 22 years ago. I'm not that girl anymore and you most definitely aren't that boy."

Kat got up and clapped her hands.

"I guess it's a good thing we've talked this through. Your therapist is going to like it." She gave him a sarcastic smile and Henry got up too. He came closer but Kat took a step back and so he didn't move any further.

"Do you think you can forgive me?"

"I already have, Henry. I know you didn't do it on purpose or to hurt me. We were so young and now as an adult I somehow unterstand why you acted that way...but that's not the point. The problem is to forget and to trust you again."

He nodded slowly. "I understand that, Kat. Just give me a second chance, okay?"

She took a deep breath. "I'll try to. But I need time. Time to get used to you, to the whole situation."

"Sure." And then he pulled her into a hug that felt right and wrong at the same time and left her dizzy and with a racing heart. "I won't let you down again, Kat." Oh how she wished she could believe his whispered words.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

tbc

Notes for Storming the Castle, Chapter 9

Hello again, dear AkaFuri readers! It feels SO nice that it hasn’t been too long since I last updated. I replied to all the Ch. 8 comments on Ao3 (YAY), but I did want to mention that I’m still planning to reply to several people who left me really nice notes here on Tumblr as well. Hopefully that’ll happen later today or this weekend, so thanks for your patience! (Also I apologize for the awkwardness of replying two weeks later... Family holiday stuff last week turned out to be, uh, a lot? //laughs) On to the notes!

Most of my notes this time are brief, since I didn’t have too much in the way of cultural info or setting inspiration that I haven’t mentioned already. But in the interest of sharing, here are some things I remembered…

(Cut for my usual rambling about Akashi’s house and previous fics and mental health and also THE SPOOKY STUFF/why KnB is a supernatural story anyway...)

The “Italian velvet” reference in the pillow fight

This is a really silly note that I’m including just to demonstrate how out-of-control my Google research gets… Here are some throw pillows made from Italian silk velvet, which was the fanciest imported fabric I could come up with for the pillow fight scene. (Because of course I managed to squeeze a pillow fight scene into my super-dramatic sleepover fic, haha. XD) And in case for some reason you want to know a little bit about the super-posh history of this fabric, I’ve got you covered.

(… Seriously, why do I look up things like that?)

The Akashi Family Portrait

The huge portrait of Akashi and his parents is something that I’ve been preparing to include in the story for a while… It was inspired by those gigantic paintings you often see in super-fancy European estates, that idealize powerful members of the aristocracy. (Or royalty, in some cases!) Since the Akashi house is a Western-style mansion, the idea seemed pretty fitting, as over-the-top and surreal as it is? //laughs Over on my Pinterest inspiration board for this fic, I included a bunch of different ideas for the gown that Shiori is wearing in the portrait. I especially like the color of this one and the overall silhouette of this one but this is spectacular as well. (Her gown probably wouldn’t be as low cut as those examples, for multiple cultural reasons, but you still get the general idea?) There’s actually a lot of Shiori-related inspiration in that part of the board, including a couple KnB images!

The Traditional Tatami Room

So this one is interesting… Back in Chapter Five, you might remember that Furihata’s house—like many Japanese homes—has a traditional Japanese-style room with tatami mats on the floor. Since Akashi’s house in the anime is based on an actual Western-style mansion near Tokyo, my initial assumption was that his house wouldn’t have any traditional rooms. BUT, it turns out the actual house does have at least one room with tatami mats, as you can see in the third photo from the bottom here. (You can also see a photo of it in the first link!) So I decided to include it in Furihata’s midnight exploration of the rooms, where he discovers the Akashi family butsudan.

I’ve mentioned butsudan in the notes in Part One, but as a quick reminder, a butsudan is a family shrine that is partly used to honor relatives who are deceased.

References to Fast Train

Since it’s been a looooong time since I posted the first story of this series, I did want to mention that a few of the things that Furihata thinks about during Part Two are referring to events that happened in The Fast Train to Kyoto. Furihata’s first dream about meeting Shiori is one example. Another one, in this chapter, is when Furihata sees Akashi’s father in person for the first time, and remembers that Akashi once told him that he “was instructed to keep people at a distance.” That’s from their phone mail conversation in Chapter Seven of Fast Train.

I try to make sure that any fic in a series can be read by itself, so I usually stop to explain these references in some way, for those who didn’t read the earlier story. But that one was vague enough that I figured it deserved a nod!

Photo References for the Bedroom

I linked some of these before, but since the final scene featured Akashi’s bedroom so much, I thought I would link a few of my photo inspirations for his bed here, here and here. Also, I forgot that he wasn’t wearing the robe in the previous chapter, so here’s a few photos I picked for possible inspiration there. (Those are both a little fancier compared to what I saw in my head, but I’m okay with that? //laughs)

Furihata’s Anxiety

I won’t go into panic attacks and anxiety here, since that information is pretty readily available online… But I did think it was worth mentioning that while Furihata has panicked in front of Akashi in my fics (and in canon!), he says that until now he’s tried to avoid having an attack that severe in front of a friend. Since this series is meant to be about two people who struggle with different mental health disorders, I think it’s noteworthy that Furihata trusts Akashi enough at this point to let his new friend be around him when he’s at his most vulnerable, and to see the full extent of what he struggles with.

(And I’ll also say that this is a theme in the series that’s going to come around again. I won’t say exactly how, because of the spoiler factor, but… I bet a lot of you can figure it out! Seriously, your insight about where the story is going constantly amazes me. <3)

All The Supernatural Stuff

To be honest, I have no idea if I should be apologizing or not, for how supernatural this chapter gets? //laughs Several people have told me that they’re still reading this series because they enjoy the idea of Furihata having supernatural powers, like the ability to see auras. So, uh… I hope you enjoyed this chapter? XD

I have to admit that from the beginning of A Spark of Light, I was planning to include various elements of the supernatural. (I was foreshadowing this in Fast Train too, so, see previous note? //laughs) That’s one of my favorite things about KnB, if I’m 100% honest… I’m obsessed with all kinds of fantasy and speculative fiction, so I love all the little hints in the KnB canon that something kind of supernatural might be going on with the Generation of Miracles. Like how Kuroko has absolutely no “presence” but the GoM have really strong ones, and how they all have that weird clairaudient vision of a door opening in that one episode, and… yeah. XD Even the more subtle stuff, like all the different patterns of matching names (no kidding, almost EVERYONE has names that match in different ways, even Seirin and the Uncrowned Kings!). Plus the way the GoM are the only ones with super colorful hair, and also Akashi’s slitted pupils? (SERIOUSLY WHAT IS WITH THE CAT PUPILS, WHY DOES NOBODY IN CANON EVER ASK ABOUT THAT.)

Come to think of it, I can go ahead and mention this now… The series title, A Spark of Light, is meant at least partly as a reference Furihata’s first name! “Kouki” includes the kanji for “light,” and one translation for its full meaning is “establishes brilliance.” (Light symbolism is super important in KnB in general, for obvious reasons. XD) So the title partly refers to how during the series, Furihata’s intuitive and supernatural powers are “sparking” to life, and this affects pretty much everything that happens. (And it’s one of the reasons why he is able to get so close to Akashi in the first place.)

Side note: This is loosely related to the reoccurring thing with Furihata (or a character that represents him!) holding a small light, like a lantern/candle. I also use a lot of fire symbolism for Akashi, because fire is pretty strongly associated with the color red in Japan. So one is the “spark” while the other is the “flame,” basically? METAPHORS. //I’msocornyohgodhelp

In any case, the supernatural parts are definitely becoming more and more important to the plot! Furihata doesn’t fully accept some of what he sees in this chapter, but I can say that he’s going to have to face some of what it means for him (and for his connection to Akashi) very soon.

(And hopefully I didn’t creep anyone out too badly with the ghost stuff… I know some of you definitely saw it coming! But with any luck, the way in which it was finally introduced had an interesting twist to it… I hope?)

As always, thanks for checking out my ramble-y notes, and thanks so much for reading the fic. <3 See you again soon for the final chapter!

25 Q’s (tag)

Thank you to @leapwriter for the tag!!!

1. Is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

Yes. I have this one super in-depth concept that will require...well, a shitton of research. I’m talking binders full. It’s highly political and involves an outrageous amount of extrapolation and speculation based on history and real-world politics and foreign policy as well as past relations and state’s relations and...long story short, Tennessee secedes from the U.S. as they threatened to do a few years ago under the Obama Administration. the U.S. responds with high tariffs to this new “independent country” and rip, Tennessee, which is not self-sufficient in any shape or form, goes to hell. It would follow several characters and examine “illegal immigration,” wealth and poverty, the nature of activism, and the consequence of conservative backlash.

2. What work of yours, if any, are you embarrassed about existing?

Anything written before 2013. Some after.

3. What order do you write in? Front of book to back? Chronological? Favorite scenes first? Something else?

So far I’ve always written front to back, as it would be read, but lately I’ve been considering going more freeform and doing scene by scene, but that requires a solid outline and I have never in my life been able to outline with any actual success.

4. Favorite character you’ve written?

Depends on the day and who I’m currently working on. fan characters, Mukuro forever.

5. Character you were most surprised to end up writing?

this is probably more relevant to canon characters that I’ve picked up for fanworks, tbh. like...Genos of OPM? I never would have expected. Colonnello of KHR? wtf

6. Something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now

there’s some shit I wish I’d refined in the current OPM fanfic, Androgen Blues, but I’m not gonna go back and heavy edit published chapters before even updating lmao. 

7. When asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

I don’t share my online works with people irl, period, ever. but I’m okay telling people that I write I guess. people ask hobbies and like, that’s the biggest one so I can’t exactly hide it

8. Favorite genre to write

depends on the day. I love horror and speculative fiction. spec fic is where my heart truly lies, but horror is damn good, too. admittedly I have a lot of practice writing erotica, too. 

9. What, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

pinterest boards because I’m a fucking pleb. I like to read manga a lot and sometimes I get lucky and get bright ideas and inspo. music is a huge one. xkito and SuicideSheep are so important to my writing.

10. Write in silence or with background music? Alone or with others?

this depends 100% on the day. some days I just need some goddamn quiet, some days I have to plug into some music to write. some days I’m too noise sensitive to listen even if I wanted to.

11. What aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

I mean, I started writing when I was like 10, so...I sure hope all of it. lmao. technique, narrative, maturity, prose, readability, variation, style, character building, world building, audience awareness, relationships, dynamics, tone, pacing, planning...

12. Your weaknesses as an author?

i’m so fucking ADD. i’ve never finished a project with more than four chapters or forty pages so far. and I used to have a million ideas a day and go back and forth constantly but after I got into fanworks i started channeling that all into RP threads and shit and now i feel pretty bereft of ideas? i need to get creative again and start thinking in originality instead of au’s and stuff.

13. Your strengths as an author?

i like to think it’s characterisation. character depth and interest and relatability. character variety and dynamic. 

14. Do you make playlists for your work?

not so far. i have playlists for writing in general, but not for specific wips

15. Why did you start writing?

it seemed cool i guess? i wanted to join in with people. i was a humongous daydreamer and realised i could write it down.

16. Are there any characters who haunt you?

my own characters?

I mean...the oc’s from when I was a stupid 13yo struggling with undiagnosed ptsd? those definitely haunt me.

the vampire knight next gen oc’s. those...those will never go away.

17. If you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?

this sounds dramatic but I don’t do those...talk to your younger self things. I can’t go back there. maybe in 20 years. 

18. Were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? What were they?

god. so many...

early on, Maximum Ride. and Wheel of Time. talk about conflict. Garth Nix was in there somewhere.

as time went on, Anne Rice really had a hand in my style and storytelling and interests maturing. Oscar Wilde further refined it and encouraged me to start looking at human theory and experiment with writing. 

Kyoko Mori really really dug into me in early high school. I’m sure her books have had a very profound impact on my writing.

my brain is totally blipping on more but I’m sure there’s a ton. before my ADD made reading a big issue, I read abt an average-size book a day. sometimes 1000 pages. i was one of those kids.

19. When it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timelines, ect.?

well organised bulletin points on a wordpad or something. seriously. i’m not...super in depth with organisation and notes and stuff. when i start working with full-on 100% original worldbuilding i’ll have to start using scrivener’s more in depth functions.

20. Do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

usually long sit-down sessions. that’s always the goal. but sometimes a little is all i can do. 

21. What do you think when you read over your older work?

how old? lmao, if it’s the shit I despise pre-2013 i can’t bring myself to read it. it’s fraught with “oh shit that’s trauma wow fuck me” -> dysphoria. then there’s just the weird ass feeling of not remembering stuff you know that you wrote. and shame. i’m bad at having to be perfect, thinking everyone is judging me, all that shit. even some stuff from last year i’ve read over in the last couple months and just cringed and curled up. i really need to rewrite it.

22. Are there subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?

yyyyyyes. i mean there’s triggers for sure--like I could never ever write something involving syringes. i’d probably literally hurl. uh...abuse is a biggie. I can write it but it will mess with me, and there’s the tightrope of dealing with a victim who is probably glorifying the abuse to themselves while not glorifying it in a story, and like, i’m someone who’s been there and been addicted to that roller coaster so yeah, i totally could end up romanticising it without even knowing it (or because i couldn’t go into detail on it without that barrier). sometimes i think that varies by the day. i do write abuse but it’s usually venting more than anything to publish.

23. Any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?

helped and hindered.

24. Have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?

fuck hyperfocus, lmao

25. Copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of.

p...proud? of writing? surely you jest. no but the one i’m really proud of doesn’t really have any snippets that are interesting without context of the whole thing, sorry.

tagging @tofu-writes and @starcraftcd if you’re interested!

10 Questions Every Fic Writer Secretly Wants to be Asked

After answering these questions for A Fairytale Beginning, @kmomof4 rewarded me by prompting me to answer these same questions for The Long Way Home.  She’s too nice to me, you guys.  Here we go!  As with the other post, spoilers abound.

1. Of the fics you’ve written, which is your favorite and why?

See my previous answer.

2. Which scene was your favorite to write in The Long Way Home?

Definitely the scene where Killian realizes he’s in love with Emma while staring up at the stars.  I just love the visual and all the delicious angst of that moment.  Killian being flummoxed by Emma’s first climb up the mast comes in a close second.

3. Which part of The Long Way Home was hardest to write?

The hurricane scene was probably the hardest to write simply because it involved so much research into how a square-rigged vessel could try to survive a storm and I had to try to describe it using enough jargon to be realistic and yet not so much that readers would be overwhelmed. That’s a difficult line to walk. You can get away with a TON of jargon in the movies/TV (pay attention the next time you watch Pirates of the Caribbean; I checked a transcript of one of the battle scenes for inspiration, and I barely understood anything), but it’s harder to get away with the same level of jargon in fic because readers are less likely to just shrug it off.

4. If you could change anything in The Long Way Home, what would it be?

Mmph.  This is a hard question to answer about a fic I just finished.  I probably would have made the story longer - thrown in another incident/adventure or just thrown in more fluff.  One of the most common comments I got from readers was that they didn’t want the story to end (goodness, you people are so sweet).  If I hadn’t been limited by the CSBB deadline and if I’d known how much people would enjoy this story, that’s probably what would have happened.

ADDENDUM: In retrospect, I should also have made what was supposed to be emotional context for Killian’s vigil for Emma a little less subtle.  I had him mention how his mother died in order to give people some insight into how much more torturous it must have been for him to wait for Emma to wake up.  I’m pretty sure zero people picked up on this.  LOL.  I really should have included a line of dialogue about it.  :p

5. Did you make an outline for The Long Way Home? Did you stick to it?

Yes, and yes (mostly), though the outline it was very general and many scenes that ultimately ended up in the fic were not plotted out ahead of time (eg, Emma’s scene in the tavern attic, Emma and Killian’s entire day in the Southern Isles, the whale watching, Emma pulling away from Killian after realizing she’s in love with him, etc.).   A lot of those scenes got thrown in later after writing the pre-planned scenes; this fic was unique for me in that it was not written linearly - I had holes to patch all over the place for a while!  It was a mess.

The order of the events also changed.  Originally I had the hurricane happening immediately before the encounter with the slavers; ie, they meet the slave ship after Emma saves the Jolly and Killian declares his feelings for her but before their TLK.  Reordering those events was probably the biggest deviation from the original outline (and SUPER frustrating, because I had to ditch several days’ worth of words making that transition).

6. Which scenes did you cut, and which were added in The Long Way Home?

The only scene that got cut was related to the reordering of events mentioned above.  It was a scene where Emma waits for Killian to come back from the slave ship and worries she won’t be able to be the princess Misthaven needs without her memories or her control of her magic.  She tries to do more magic and gets frustrated when she can’t, and when Killian returns, he encourages her and that conversation ultimately results in the TLK.

As for scenes that were added, there were a ton.  See my answer to #5 for examples.   

7. Who was your favorite character to write in The Long Way Home?

Killian - he’s usually my favorite to write, and this fic is largely (in my mind) about his transformation from Captain Hook back to Killian Jones; it’s more about him finding his home than about Emma finding hers.  Writing a lot of the ensemble cast (Maggie, Roberts, Smee, and Charming) was also a blast, though!

8. Which came first, the title or the fic?

The fic always comes first for me.  I had a short list of candidate titles but didn’t settle on one until I was getting ready to email the fic in for the final CSBB check-in, LOL.

9. Which idea came to you first in The Long Way Home?

I actually started this fic two years ago, back before I’d joined the fandom (before I was even aware of the fandom), when I was just writing for personal pleasure.  I came up with this Captain Duckling AU (I didn’t even know the fic terminology back then) involving Princess Emma under a memory curse and Killian kind of Sherlock Holmes’ing his way to discovering her identity.  That concept and Emma’s encounter with Blackbeard were basically all I started with; I had no idea where it was going at the time, and I certainly never intended for it to become a complete story that other people would read!

10. What are some facts readers may not know about The Long Way Home?

- I didn’t actually intend for this fic to be an Anastasia AU, but one of the CSBB mods labeled it as such after reading the plot, and it just stuck.

- This was by far the most frustrating fic I’ve written to-date in the sense that the nature of the CSBB made me as obsessed with word count as anything else.  It was also difficult for me to only have the feedback of a handful of people to go on during the process - I had so much anxiety about whether this story was any good and whether I could pull it off the way I wanted.  Still, this fic would probably not have happened at all without the CSBB, and I’m very glad to have participated!

- My CSBB artists @giraffes-ride-swordfishes and @waiting-for-autumn helped me design all of Emma’s non-canon wardrobe for this fic.

- Topics I researched for this fic include historical pirating and aspects of that lifestyle, 18th century ships/sailing/navigation, 18th century clothing, 18th century soap recipes, the average size/speed of hurricanes, and swords (types, parts, sword fighting techniques, care, etc.).  My Pinterest boards for my fics always include research references as well as visual inspiration; the board for this fic has 175 pins.

- The number of pictures of the Jolly Roger/Lady Washington I saved for reference - OMG.  

- Killian’s line about the Dread Pirate Roberts is an obvious homage to The Princess Bride, which, in addition to being part of the inspiration for Hook’s character on the show, is one of my favorite movies.  The Jolly’s quartermaster is always named Roberts in my fics (see also A Fairytale Beginning) in honor of the movie.

- Killian and Emma’s dancing was largely inspired by Rose and Jack’s dancing in Titanic and Rapunzel and Flynn/Eugene’s dancing in Tangled.

- The cut on Killian’s cheek is a reference to Colin O’Donoghue’s scar.

- For any medical-types out there, Alec suffered from a wound infection which progressed to sepsis and was complicated by disseminated intravascular coagulation, pulmonary embolism, and delirium.

- Emma’s thoughts on Liam’s ring came from a mini-crisis I had trying to figure out what color the stone was on OUAT.  I posted about it at the time to try to find group consensus.  Ultimately, we did find proof that the stone is actually red, and this sappy little metaphor about it being like Killian’s heart popped into my head, and there you go.

- I thought about putting Emma in the silver princess dress from canon for the wedding, but I’d already used this dress in A Fairytale Beginning, so I nixed the idea.  I tried coming up with a custom design, but ultimately I went with an existing dress I found while looking for inspiration.  It’s the dress I used to Photoshop this picture.  I wanted feathers on the dress both because Emma was nicknamed “Swan” and because Snow also had feathers on her wedding dress.

There you are.  Much more than any of you ever wanted to know, I’m sure.  Thanks to those of you who made it to the end (of the fic and this post), haha!  You guys are the best.