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icanseethefuture333 · 4 months

Text

PAC: What your pretty self needs to hear for Valentine's Day ♡

Your heart's message to you + a message from your secret admirer 💌

They say the truth ain't pretty, but coming from that pretty mouth

The truth is fitting, cause you ain't ever talkin' loud

And you know plenty

Yeah, you know what I'm talkin' about

Cause you just get me

Yeah, you so pretty... ♡

Pile 1:

Your heart's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Girl by Destiny's Child

Far by SZA

I MISS YOU SO BAD by iKON

The Lovers, Seven of Cups, & Three of Cups

So what your heart wishes to tell to you is that there is still love out there. You may have previously gotten over an ex, a past crush, or you are in the process of recovering from a break up. In the song "Far" SZA asks Sadhguru how to deal with rejection, in which he responds, "That's great! If nobody wants you then you're free." You have to look on the bright side of things. You also have to know what your worth is. No one else can define your worth but you. You have to be secure with who you are as a person. No one can love the parts you need to heal from. Once you feel fulfilled with who you are as a person. That is when you can form healthy connection with others. I believe you still are hoping for you and this person to get back together but you are hurting yourself even more by obsessing over this person (was going to say focus but instead I heard obsess). Reflect on your current situation and ask yourself, "What wound is this person triggering in me?". What do you need to move on from? To take care of your heart you should do some self reflection. Journaling and shadow work would help provide some clarity. Your heart asks you to not fall back into old habits. Self love is important for your growth, pile 1!

Your secret admirer's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Time To Love by Red Velvet

Changes by Jeff Bernat

I Think I'm Falling by KOHH

Wallflower, New Love, & Union

There is a new love coming in for you! This person could be shy and likes to admire you from afar. They could be self conscious about some things about themselves as well. The feelings seem to be mutual here. There could be a new crush that you like and wish to speak to, but are to nervous to ask them out of fear of rejection. Don't fret! Confessing your feelings helps build courage. If the person rejects you, then that just means there isnsomeone else better out there for you. It is not the end of the world just because you got rejected. Have a little more confidence in yourself, you are great, pile 1! Regardless, I see you and this secret admirer actually being intimate. Things could develop into something more serious with this union card. So make sure to be open to this energy and give them a chance at love ♡

Pile 2:

Your heart's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Mine by Slayyyter

ANTIFRAGILE by LE SSERAFIM

Post To Be by Omarion ft. Chris Brown & Jhené Aiko

Four of Cups, Eight of Wands, & The Fool

Your heart does not want to be tied down at the moment! I believe it has plenty of love to give lol. You also have no problem with turning people down or vice versa. You are looking for a fling and just wish to have a casual relationship! You could have a lot of options in love and would like to explore things romantically, maybe even sexually. Your heart suggests that you focus on your happiness and learn what pleases you. Love does not always have to be serious. Sometimes short lived romances have the best stories to tell! You will be feeling very confident and sexy in your romantic endeavors.

Your secret admirer's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Boys Wanna Be Her by Peaches

No Flex Zone by Rae Sremmurd

STUCK IN MY HEAD by Twice

Open Relationship, Mature Woman, & Fun Times

This secret admirer of yours is honestly hilarious 😭. I kept getting meme songs and I hs to shuffle again to get a proper message. This could be my queer pile as well 🏳️‍🌈. I'm getting Renee Rapp vibes from your secret admirer, Pile 2 😋. They could suit the 'girl crush' aesthetic or if it is someone who identifies as masculine, they have a very pretty face. They are open minded, flirtatious, and exciting to be around. This person wishes to tell you that you are stuck in their head! They find you to be "so fine" 😜! They would like take you out soon. I'm getting it will be a bar date or they will take you dancing at a night club.

Pile 3:

Your heart's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

More Than Enough by Alina Baraz

Bluffin by Brent Faiyaz

Mona Lisa by Naji ft. Monter Booker

Death, Six of Swords, & Six of Pentacles

Oh, pile 3, bless your heart 🥹. You are someone who has such a kind, gentle heart. You have the purest intentions and for that people can tell how geniune you are as a person. You could be selfless and caring towards others. You have so much love to give that it is obvious to others. I don't see any bitterness in your heart and I feel like your heart wishes to tell you how proud it is of you for being able to find forgiveness. You are leaning to let go of the people who have hurt you in the past. The essence of your spirit is so soft and it's very beautiful to witness. Your heart's message to you is that anyone would be lucky to have you in their life. So don't ever feel like you are not enough because you're more than that. You are this cup that is overflowing with love and sincerity.

Your secret admirer's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

At Your Best (You Are Loved) by Aaliyah

Freaky Deaky by Tyga ft. Doja Cat

LOVE by Kendrick Lamar ft. Zacari

Dating, True Love, & True Gem

Your secret admirer absolutely adores you, pile 3. They see your value as a person and they know that there is no one else like you in this world. You have so much love to give and they do as well. I am getting that they want to literally treat you like a princess/princess - just overall royalty. Their have geniune intentions as well and they would like to spoil you this Valentine's day ❤. (Channeled song: Kiss It Better by Rihanna 💋) for a few of you, you and your specific person could be separated. I see that things will turn out for the better soon. So have faith in yourself and in this person for things to work out. They could offer you some sort of proposal, love offer, or a token of their gratitude to show how much they love you. I see things would be passionate, flirty, and romantic for you and your secret admirer 🎆.

Pile 4:

Your heart's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Green Light by Beyoncé

Standing Next To You by Jungkook

God of Music by SEVENTEEN

Two of Pentacles, Page of Wands, & The Magician

You are such an optimistic person, pile 4! You could be someone who often gives advice to others and help others look on the bright side of things. You radiate such positive energy and it makes you a joy to be around. You could be someone who knows what they want and goes after it. You know how to balance your heart with your brain. Intuitive but also logical. People wonder how you are able to turn your ideas into reality. Your heart's message to you is to keep going after your goals and not let anyone distract you from your dreams. As long as you are happy that is all that matters. Your heart also wishes to tell you that whatever makes you light up inside is meant for you. Whatever your heart is set on whether that's a new job, house, etc. You have the ability to manifest whatever you desire.

Your secret admirer's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Phone Me by Che Ecru

Novacane by Frank Ocean

Own It by Drake

Passion, Friendship, & Communication

For some of you, you could be currently in a "situationship" or have a FWB with someone. While for others, your secret admirer is possibly a friend of yours. This person is conflicted on how to approach you. You may receive a text or phone call from them soon where they ask you about your relationship with another. They could ask you how you feel about them or drop hints that they are attracted to you. The ball is in your park, pile 4, if you decide to be more than just friends with this person.

Pile 5:

Your heart's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Girl Like Me by Alexa Demie

Fulfillment? By Kilo Kish

Baddie by IVE

Eight of Cups, Two of Cups, & Seven of Swords

I am getting like "manic pixie dream girl" vibes from you, Pile 2. Something about you is hard to pin point to others. Mysterious but also so enchanting. You know you are someone who is complex but also so beautiful. You have these interesting quirks that makes you stand out and memorable to others. You are comfortable with who you as a person and it could have took you a long time to get to a place of being this self assured. You could have a child like wonder as well and it is admirable to others. You could be questioning what direction to take in life and could find "adulting" very hard but don't give up, pile 5! Everything will be okay in the end. Your heart's message to you is to learn what gives you emotional fulfillment in life. Also to not take shit from no one. What's interesting is your face could look quite sweet but you are actually feisty and have a firey spirit. There is a duality to your personality and its attractive. I am getting like Song Jia, Alexa Demie, Wonyoung, & Taylor Russell vibes from you, pile 5. Your heart wants you to embrace your confidence and focus on the abundance in your future. Do not let people drag you down and dim your light. Your heart believes it is time for some self pampering. Set your standards high in love and know that you are deserving of everything you desire. I also believe it is time to burn bridges with people who no longer serve you. How can you live the life of your dreams if other people only acknowledge the version of yourself that no longer resonates with you? If you wish to be the girl of your dreams, you have to learn to put yourself first.

Your secret admirer's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Lilith by Halsey

Ditto by NewJeans

High Fashion by Roddy Rich ft. Mustard

Triangle, Travel, & Spiritual Growth

What is this Single's Inferno?! You have options, pile 5. You could have more than one secret admirer. You could be observing your current options in love and feeling "Well! Let the best person win☺️!" I see people wanting to fly you out and pay for your trips, oh my🫠. One of the people you will date could be popular or have a well known social status. You give people butterflies and some of you may know what affect you have on people, while some of you are innocent to the fact. You could receive love confessions or you may even already have. I feel like you are the type of person who receives love letters, jewelry, candies, and box of chocolates, if not you are going to be spoiled for this Valentine's day! You could meet your secret admirer(s) while traveling or when going on vacation. Your secret admirer's message to you is that they "like you" and hoping you feel the same 💕. They want to understand your love language and words of affirmations / gift giving could be one of their love languages in particular.

Pile 6:

Your heart's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Rose by Miyeon

Honey Dew by Lion Babe

Chanel by TiaCorine

King of Pentacles, Five of Wands, & Queen of Cups

I feel like you are at odds with your heart and brain right now, pile 6. You seem to feel confused about a decision you have to make. I believe you could think things are "sweeter" in other people's lives but that is not necessarily true. I know sometimes we can want what other people have but if it gets to the point of comparing yourselves to others then its not healthy. You have to remember to be grateful for what you have in life. It's okay to want the finer things, but what are you overlooking when you are doing that? Your heart's message to you is to not worry about what other people are doing in life and instead focus on what makes you great of a person. You are just as lovable, sweet, and beautiful.

Your secret admirer's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Congratulations by Mac Miller ft. Bilal

Little Things by Sunni Colón

Aura by Mariah The Scientist

Work, Money, & Long Distance

I believe you and this person are already in a relationship. If not, your secret admirer will be the next person you end up in a romantic relationship with. This person could live further away from you and has a high paying job. They prefer to take on a traditional role of a provider. This person could have a hard time discussing their feelings though and shows their love through acts of services. While you, I feel you are more of an emotional person. You both could have a hard time expressing your feelings and thoughts properly to each other, which would cause conflict. Things might be tense for Valentine's Day. You and your secret admirer could have strong feelings for each other, but there needs to be an important conversation had in order for this relationship to progress. Both of you could be disheartened by this but there's hope! Try to appreciate the little things in your relationship and not focus on being the "perfect couple", for that does not exist. Every relationship has its flaws and all that matters is that you and you partner love each other very much. If it's meant to be, it will be, it won't be something you have to force, it'll come naturally.

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yakultstan · 3 months

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What advice would you give someone who is writing poetry

Hey! I definitely have a lot to still learn myself as I'm quite new to my attempt at poetry (so I’d love to hear everyone else’s opinion/writing process in the comments) but since you're asking here's my take (sorry in advance if you just wanted a one-line answer..I’m not so good with that)..

In my opinion, poetry is all about provoking emotion..making you feel something..therefore “good” poetry is subjective due to the way individuals experience life and emotions differently.. In most cases (especially writing for fun/self-expression), it’s not something that needs to be technically correct (imo) like an academic essay, rather it just needs to make you feel something, so here are my tips/step-by-step process at this current time

Write for yourself AKA make sure that you like(love even) what you have written.. don’t write with other people’s interpretation/perception in mind (as “good” is subjective and you’ll never be able to settle on anything). You’ll feel much more motivated to write if you are encapsulating your own experience as accurately as you can (it feels productive to turn your pain into something more tangible).. Write the thing that you wish someone else had written that makes you think “damn.. that is so me” if you’re able to do that I’d call it a success. (My fav pieces still make me feel something each time I read them and make me feel glad I wrote them, as noone else had). I say this because we are all human at the end of the day if you’re feeling it, there’s likely going to be another human out there who is grateful that you have so accurately been able to translate a generally indescribable feeling into words.

To be able to do the above (make yourself & others “feel”) I’d start by reaching as far down into your emotions as possible.. Everyone knows about surface-level happiness, sadness etc. but what is it more specifically that you are thinking and feeling.. or what is something that you think you might feel or do if you were to become totally unhinged.. Imo poetry isn't the place to downplay your emotions or soften your language - say the things noone wants to say, the things that are “wrong” to say, don’t hold back, allow yourself to be violent, angry, sad, toxic, or pessimistic in your writing, even if you’re an optimistic/cheerful/kindhearted person irl (people are often SHOOK regarding the strikingly different persona I portray in real life vs my writing..we are all multifaceted creatures at the end of the day).

Now you might be wondering how to put the above into actual poetry..a lot of people will just “find the words” because they are talented like that, but for the rest of us.. Controversial (whilst beneficial)I don’t think an advanced vocabulary is necessary to write impactful poetry (my vocab is shit & has barely developed since I was 10 years old cause I stupidly stopped reading books until only a couple years ago).. So instead what I personally do is I write out in as much detail but in simple language, how I am feeling/what I want to portray..like you’re trying to express something in your diary or a text message you’ll never send… At first, this is going to look like a 10yro has written it and that’s so fine because you want a clear understanding of what you’re trying to portray in your piece.. now all your related thoughts are out, attempt to rewrite it in a way that is slightly more comprehensible (usually I’ll write it in notes app so I can still have the original versions to refer back to to make sure I am encapsulating what I originally wanted) and basically rewrite a couple times until it appears more refined

Then, your original wording might be perfect as is (I would say always go with your gut feeling) but the thesaurus and dictionary are your best friend!(bless google) If a certain word kind of “ruins the vibe” of the piece and it no longer feels “poetic” just google synonyms for that word, you can even search “synonym poetic” for further options. Don’t just use any synonym though.. If you’re undecided between a couple words I would highly recommend googling the specific definition of each word and compare, because usually definitions will have a very nuanced difference and that nuance can make all the difference in being able to accurately portray your point.

Have fun with the spacing, the lines the layout, the use of grammar (idk the terminology).. utilise these things to transform everyday sentences into an art form! Don’t get caught up in the right or wrong!

Now reread, you want that poetic rhythm of some kind, a state of flow.. Read in your head, then read out loud then read with your own experience in mind, then detach your mind from your own experience and read from an external point of view if you wish! Reading out loud will help you see if it’s readable (duh) and the wording problems, whether that be needing to change word or remove a word or add a word will likely fix themselves! I personally would focus more on emotional impact than aesthetic but ideally a bit of both is great!

This seems like an in-depth process but all this usually occurs within about 5-10 minutes per poem cause I don’t have the attention span to spend any longer on it (maybe oneday I’ll actually refine my work properly lol but for now it’s just my form of therapy). You’ve got this! <3

Other random things I’ve learned

-Keep a log of specific words, phrases, sentences, ideas etc. even if not at all refined in your notes app on phone as you randomly think of them so you can potentially come back to it later! (If you don’t you’ll likely forget and never think of it again lol)

-Sometimes the most simple thought/concept to us (based on the fact it has circled in our brains for a lifetime so we are bored of it) can be super impactful & significant to others, so just write it anyway

-Go with your gut feeling if you’re tossing up any of your ideas, words, expressions

-Remember that quote “art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable ” - you’re never doing toooo much

-personally ive had to drop the academic ego and learn to be more than okay with being shit..you’ve gotta just do it and accept most the things you’ll write could be shit but it’ll mean there is opportunity that you write something decent amongst it all.

-DO NOT compare yourself to other people writing poetry cause it can be so disheartening!!!! we are our own worst critics.. just remember we are uniquely ourselves, no one else can write the way we write.

-PRACTICE!!!! But basically just do that by writing as much as you can. I know it’s always said but seriously I started writing daily 4 months ago and whilst I wasn’t actively trying to improve there is a massive difference noticed by myself and others between the quality of what I wrote 4 months ago and now.. It’ll just start to click! I write every day but some days I don’t have it in me to write a poem so I’ll just write a thought or feeling or diary entry for that day to keep the routine plus you can possibly come back to it for poetry inspo.

-fake it til you make it !!!! poetry is expression !!! anything can be poetry if you want it to be :)

-I also read not long ago that writing isn’t something where you peak in your twenties (thank god for me) but rather a lot of writers become successful a lot later in life! So this gives me a lot of hope that things can only improve! Considering I was able to improve in 4 months, imagine 4 years or even 1!!(exciting! I hope I get much better!)

-If you want to know how to be more creative, more metaphorical or a lot more visual with your poetry.. Don’t ask me.. In fact I need tips myself!! I’m going to guess it has something to do with my shitty vocabulary.. I hope that I can challenge myself to improve with this overtime as well, but for now I find it cathartic to just work with my literal thoughts and emotions. Similarly, if you want to know how write about uniquely positive experiences hmu in the future when I’m more healed but maybe not yet lol.

CONGRATS if anyone actually read through all this… you deserve an award! (let me know if anyone actually did and if it was at all helpful) I hope you can find even just a component of this somewhat helpful??!! maybe it was all obvious who knows haha but also please remember I’m not very experienced in writing poetry myself, this is just my attempt at keeping myself sane :) All my love x

Edit: as someone else mentioned.. another great tip is to READ lots of poetry written by others, this will help immensely :)

#poetry advice #writing advice #writeblr #writing tips #spilled ink #poetry #how to write poetry

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ozzgin · 5 months

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Dear Ozzgin,

Is your new addition to the repertoire, the yandere android, a Mixture of Experts like GPT-4.5, or something else entirely? Would his performance / 'humanness' degrade if he were talking to another machine (an inhuman one, not designed to be Spacer-ly human) for a long time?

Any random lorebits on Spacers you did not include but would have had you felt less constrained?

Hah, okay, I see you've gotten into the technical aspects. I'm about to go on a ramble so I'll do a cut here for everyone else to not clog your feeds. Feel free to read if you're into this kind of stuff. :D

First, I just wanted to point this out because I've read your hashtags and comment: the CCD sensors were a bit of an asspull because it's one thing I'm more knowledgeable about, but I don't feel like it'd be a realistic choice, if I am to be nitpicky. They're expensive to produce and are mostly used for really high performance work (telescopes), but a humanoid robot wouldn't need such advanced digital imaging for daily life use. So, you know, it's arguable whether or not there are better alternatives when it comes to a mass-produced agent processing the immediate environment.

Now to your actual question: I've used the machine learning approach because this is currently our most advanced way of developing AI, but it would not be enough to explain the Android's perfect understanding of human speech. ChatGPT analyzes sentences and their meaning purely based on grammar and associations, but there's many examples of it struggling against anything more intricate than literal context. So yeah, that kind of sarcastic dialogue and implied meaning is wishful thinking of times far away sadly. I'm only wildly guessing he wouldn't struggle with today's impediments. There's a black box somewhere in there that fills the gaps and variables we don't have.

If at some point you find yourself with time to spare, I'd recommend reading the book directly. It's very interesting to see how people viewed the "future" back then, and you will detect a lot of optimism regarding computers - such as Daneel (the original Android) being a flawless human. Funnily enough, the book was published shortly before the Dartmouth Conference, so Asimov was this close to discover that language recognition is, in fact, a terribly tangled business and not as simple as they had originally expected.

I think I covered the basics when it comes to Spacers, but then again I cannot tell how easy it is to follow for someone that isn't familiar with the original work. I also didn't want to reproduce every fact, mot a mot, from Caves of Steel, especially since this is less about politics and more about romance. I'd suspect the people reading the story are not too bothered by the only briefly mentioned murder. Cause is less important when the effect is a tall robot boy with a crush on you 👀 if you feel me.

Anyways, I'm very glad you like the story, every now and then I'll insert little facts and technical details - as it usually is when you study Physics and CS but have no friends in the field - so it's definitely nice to have someone recognize the stuff! :)

#yandere android

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lifmera · 4 months

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Heya, I was wondering if I could have a matchup for Hazbin Hotel? Male please x

My pronouns are she her, I'm fairly average height for a girl and my favourite animals at the moment are either cats or goats!!

I have black hair, dark eyes and pale skin, my hair goes just above my breasts and is layered. I wear a lot of black and hardly own any clothes that aren't!! (It’s just so flattering) I have a few large tattoos as well and am definitely getting more. I also have a lot of ear piercings, a nose stud and 🍒 piercings. I’m also English (northern, not southern) so I do have an accent

In terms of personality, l'd say l'm rather outgoing, witty and a bit nerdy. I wear a lot of studs and chains but I think they look badass, however I wear them causally so I guess you could also say I’m pretty bold? I've often been told l intimidate people, however I like to think they don't know me well enough to judge. Ive been told I can be quite loud, and I have some blunt, dry sense of humour which my friends seem to like. I'm an ENTP through and through and am currently in law school, stereotypical as fuck ik. I can sometimes struggle to trust people due to past experiences, however I think I’ve got the hang of reading people now to know when they’re my kind of cunt or not.

I can have a short temper and struggle with my emotions sometimes, (diagnosed bpd/adhd, looooove to see it) but am in the process of learning to manage them quite well.

Hobby wise, I enjoy drawing, painting and going out with my friends to concerts and festivals. I Love music, specifically Goth, Metal (Death, Goth metal, Nü metal, all sorts) and a little bit of rock obviously. I'm tempted to start learning how to play the drums or guitar but am not sure where to start, plus school takes up so much of my time.

There's of course no rush to reply, I adore your work I think your matches are always spot-on and I'm really curious !!

-🕷️🕸️

HEY 🕷️🕸️!!!

Honestly I was so TORN between these two. So i decided lol… why not both?

Its okay hun!! I major Pre-Law right now 🩷

I’ve decided to pair you with… VOX & HUSK

Vox first though. Cus i read this and i was like.. VOX but then when i showered i was like .. wait husk… and then i was like FUCK… anyways

He’d definitely talk to you more because you reminded him of Velvette. And what probably went thru his head was “ooh new model :)”

But he LOVES ur personality. If you intimidated VOX? He would literally purr at ur feet and BEG you to join the Vee’s.

Even if you are dry, its okay, cus everything else makes up for it to him.

He definitely isn’t surprised if you don’t trust him at first, but he’s think that “nothing a little hypnotizing cant fix ! ;)” (take that as you wish.)

Vox is kinda pretty shitty himself- and probably doesnt really care much about you unless you blow a fuse on him. But honestly he’d like that.

Though he’d also be glad that you are managing your emotions! He HATES tantrums . (Cough cough Val)

He would probably make you draw you guys together lets me honest. He’d think it’d be funny. Till he actually enjoys it.

He would make fun of ur music taste. Then he would love it. Cus hes such a LOSER like that……

Honestly he’d love it sm he’d have them as theme songs D:

If you learned any instruments it’d probably cause him to want to as-well….

Ok Husker time…

Not gonna lie. You guys give off the same vibe, and he’d probably like you the most out of everyone at the hotel.

Especially at first glance?? Like finally… someone normal

Says him anyways.

Husk HATES cats, and obviously… i think he would also let you pet him or brush his fur… after becoming in a relationship. Otherwise he’d literally bite you.

I think he would talk to you first at the bar, and man is he good at finding shit out???

I think you guys would become close friends within a finger snap-

And honestly become inseparable. Totally have backhanded shit to say and it would be so funny. (Great duo)

He definitely would be super proud of you for seeking help! He would say that not much people have enough balls to do that.

Honestly i also think Husk would enjoy painting too. He seems like a gambler but i think in his free time, something like painting would relax him?? Or atleast looking at paintings and analyzing them.

Your music taste? Probably same as his. He’d love to listen with you, and Everytime you are at the bar he’d ask if you wanted to play a song you both enjoyed.

If you learned the guitar he’d be SO IMPRESSED. Like “okay dayum… ❤️”

I HOPE THIS WAS OKAY HUN!! And AWUGHS THANK YOU SO MUCH?? i always try to make the characters accurate because i feel like if they are ooc .. its just.. weird ?

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thedomesticanthropologist · 2 months

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Hey Anthie, this question is kind of weird/complicated but I'll try my best to ask. It has to do with recovering from your past habits but I think it could also relate to general stress and handling difficult emotions and experiences (which would include addiction of course but sometimes like... just life too, I guess?)

Anyway, I wanted to hear how fiction helped you or currently helps you? For example I've seen people say that writing "helps" them but when I'm struggling I don't inspired to write, I feel terribly drained, and I'm also a perfectionist. I find it hard to relate to people who transform their pain into art. And I don't have any close friends in the same fandoms like I did when I was a teen so I don't have that sense of community where people encourage me to work on writing and I encourage them to work on their art/writing/etc.

I'm also not sure if it's good to entertain myself even though that might sound weird? Like I'll read, because... it's a thing I can do. And yeah, I enjoy it and have them. But I don't know if it's really aiding in "fixing" myself, and sometimes when I'm reading something, I start worrying that I'm wasting my time somehow? (I made reading more one of my goals for this year, because I went for literal years without reading for enjoyment, and thought my adult ADHD was going to make it impossible for me to ever read again, but now that I'm actually doing it, I don't know how much of an accomplishment it actually is)

Just wanted to hear if any of this ever felt relatable to you, and how you overcame it if so? Thank you and hope you continue to do great with everything, I wish you the best!

This took me a while to get to! thank you for your patience. I tried to narrow your questions down a bit so I hope this is around and about what you were wanting. Under the cut cause its long

How does fiction help with recovering from past habits, handling stress, and difficult emotions and experiences?

Fiction is a way to express yourself without making it about you specifically. You can create situations and put characters through The Horrors, or The Softness, and many writers find catharsis in the act. It can also help your brain process things, and be an outlet for all the feelings and thoughts inside. For me personally, I use fiction to explore thoughts, feelings, ideas, as well as to project or express parts of myself- Im also attracted to writing about things and people I DONT relate to, as a way of learning about them, exploring them, etc. Writing an addict as an addict can be a neat way to look at my issues through a new set of eyes, even if the addict character isn't anything like me, doesn't act the same or process the same, etc.

Can engaging in creative activities like writing be helpful, even if it doesn't feel inspiring during tough times?

Science has proven that writing down your thoughts helps your brain process them, just simply the act of translating from mind to page has benefits. Having it make sense is not as important as just simply... getting it out. Entertaining YOURSELF should always be the first priority in creating art and writing, because if we do it for others, then we are setting ourselves up for disappointment

Is it okay to entertain oneself with activities like reading during difficult times, even if it feels like it might be wasting time?

Doing things for yourself is always okay. It is never a waste of time to take care of yourself. Some people say things like "you don't always have to be productive in order to have your activities be valid" but Id go so far as to say that engaging in reading, writing, drawing, and other "self-indulgent" experiences IS being productive. its being productive for YOU. You arent something that needs to be fixed, you are someone that needs to be accepted. Recovering from self shame starts with being willing to look at yourself not as a problem, but as a person. And the things that make you feel good, regardless of whose watching or who OUTSIDE yourself benefits are worthy persuits

How can one overcome feelings of isolation and lack of community when engaging in creative pursuits?

So I kind of segued into this a little, and I just want to expand a bit. I looked this up and its pretty close to what I wanted to say so Ill share

"Focusing on your own fulfillment and growth in your creative pursuits can be empowering. Prioritize your passion and intrinsic motivation rather than seeking external validation or connection. Set meaningful goals, establish a regular routine, and celebrate your progress along the way. Embrace your creativity as a form of self-expression and personal fulfillment, nurturing your artistic voice and finding joy in the process."

This may be like, hey! I said I wanted community! but honestly, seeking out community and connection can *scare us away from trying* sometimes. Theres all these rules we put on ourselves about not being good enough, or not having friends who have the same interests, not being noticed or validated when we display our work, not having people to talk about. All of that is absolutely valid but it really gets in the way of the creative process and who we are really doing it for (us)

Community tends to appear when you start to share. Considering it a bonus instead of the focus is just a shift in perspective rather than a shift in action. Finding online communities that are related to the work you are producing and sharing what you have is great! starting conversations and new connections is great! but seeking external validation means that you can get absolutely destroyed if you share something you're proud of and no one really notices it. Its so much better to enjoy what you've created, and just put it out there with the thought that if its noticed great! but the best thing was that it was something you enjoyed making.

#asks #answers #writeblr #writerscommunity #writing #mental health

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alliumbunny · 8 months

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Ended season 2!!! lessss gggoo!!!

Good season! lots of funny moments, has many bad parts but hey, we got ice cream kitty out of it so I'm happy(I'm secretly seething half the time but it doesn't matter rn ;3 )

I looked up where to watch the last three seasons of 2012 and turns out it's on paramount+!! Which my sister has so now all my worries of not being able to watch the last three seasons ever are gone Yippeee!!!

but uh, season 3! uh, I've gotten to I think ep9? or 10? i don't remember

I'm at the episode right after they get back to new york city, yee.

So hmm, Idk how to feel about the season currently, lots of good moments but uh, lots of bad ones too, at least to me.

i don't like how many times i've seen april kiss donnie at this point, I was fine with it beforehand because I don't see cheek kisses as romantic unless the relationship is already romantic(dating or something idk) so I was completely fine with it but then I think she kissed him on the lips in the bigfoot episode and like, hahahahahahah please stop <3 I'm very uncomfortable with that so yee.

I also don't like the Bigfoot liking donnie thing, these turtles are 15 and Bigfoot is deffo older then that and It makes me feel weird and shit :/

THAT FUCKING SPIRITUAL EPISODE SUCKS! like I love it, the outfits are!! To die for <3 <3 but omg Leo's arc in that episode fucking sucks, Don't fuckin tell me that "the pain is all in my mind" and that "It's just an excuse" DUDE!!!!!!! FUCK U!! FUCK YOU WRITERS OF THE SHOW!! I wish that episode was!! idk!! Leo learning that maybe he shouldn't FUCKING TRAIN until his knee is IDK AT LEAST 99% HEALED!! That MAYBE he shouldn't be aggravating his knee INJURY! I think that it's in character to make him want to start training before he's even 80% healed, to have him accidentally hurt his own healing process, in fact, I THINK IT'S A REALLY GOOD IDEA!! for an episode!! that episode!! it reminds me of those people who think essential oils actually fuckin work to heal all injurys, oh my stars aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. absolutely none of that makes sense probably but I needed to rant about it or i'd explode hbfudkbgjf

I hate how they did mikey in this show, I understand the focus thing but i feel like they never actually do anything about it he just "focuses" for a little bit and then doesn't have ANY character growth because of it, HE IS THE SAME, at least in the focusing. I hate how the writers said he has ADHD and then never put any effort into showing it OTHER then the focusing thing(and hyperactivity but I'm not focusing(heh) on that rn yee), at least to me. I relate to mikey alot but not in the ADHD category(Despite me having adhd) I understand that he has it, but i personally(as one person with adhd, not the entire mental illness lol) don't like how it's portrayed, it feels, idk lazy? i guess. yes he has adhd, no i don't think it's handled well by the writers. I'm just rambling the same things over and over at this point.

I don't really have any complaints with Raph... anymore. His anger issues aren't really.. an issue.. at this point. not to say he doesn't have them, I just think at this point they've done a good job at portraying him being able to control it better, It reminds me Alot of, well, me. I have anger issues and they used to be extremely bad, but I've mellowed out as i've grown up. I like that about raph, it feels like he's personally getting better, y'know... I mean, I don't think they wanted that, but y'know. I'm pretty sure they're gonna butcher that part of him in the future, but Idk rn y'know :3

I don't like him in that one episode, y'know, with the frogs. but that's mostly cause he's a fuckin jerk tbh.

Mikey gets done dirty alot in these few episode it seems, mostly... by his brothers? not to say he doesn't do anything wrong, but i don't really like how his brothers treat him in the.. uh aprils mom, episode. I think they should've trusted him more, I think the show has a big problem with not SHOWING us that Mikey has done like, dumb or annoying things, until it's a point about how 'mikey has done and said annoying and dumb things but he's right so liikkeee' LIKE His brothers don't trust him AT ALL, show writers!! i haven't been givin the impression that mikey is at all really annoying or really stupid but his brothers are playing it up like he's the dumbest mother fucker they've ever met, like bruuh

that's how I see it at the least. Alot of this is just me rambling about my thoughts on the show, alot of it is negative but I do genuinely enjoy the show, I'm just extremely critical of the things I watch. Sometimes a show that's normally pretty good, is gonna do something pretty weird or bad and i like talking about that so ya :]

either way, season three is at the least, okay, and at the best, good, i think, ya :3

#tmnt #tmnt 2012 #tmnt donnie #tmnt 2012 donnie #tmnt raph #tmnt 2012 raph #tmnt mikey #tmnt 2012 mikey #tmnt leo #tmnt 2012 leo #allium rambles #tagging </3 #lol

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ultrvmonogamy · 7 months

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hey bestie! just dropping by to say that i love your blog and anytime we’ve interacted you’ve been very kind. i don’t understand the weird judgy/preachy anons that you get. i wonder if they don’t understand how to utilize the block button for content they don’t like. anywaysssss, i think you’re a lovely person who makes good content. i hope you’re having a good week and you don’t let uninformed anons get to you. tell your cat i said pspspsps! 🖤

tysm bestie. i'm v pleased to know u feel that way 🩵

sometimes i'm an asshole, n more frequently than that i can be short w ppl (sometimes even when i don't intend to). i'm far from perfect, n i've been even further from it n def have my share of shit i can look back at n wish i'd handled better (nothing so atrocious as implied here), but the only reason i can look back n feel that way is bc i continuously strive to grow n learn n become more aware. like, i grew up in a time w very different social norms, no access to information that couldn't be found in the local library or experienced firsthand if within biking distance, n was raised by parents from an entirely different culture than where i grew up. we've all got our challenges, but my point is that in many ways my process will have necessarily looked a lot different than it does for a massive amt of the active tumblr base. i'm sure many others here around my age or older or w v different backgrounds from the "average" blogger feel similarly. blah blah but yeah thank u sincerely.

i understand the anons to a point, but it's rly fucking tiresome bc i've talked many times on various iterations of this blog abt problems w age gap relationships, i've answered questions abt how young/old i'd date in great length, most of the women i've dated were roughly the same age as me or older, i was a minor the only times i've had anything approaching sexual contact w a minor (n even then i was the younger partner although not by much), i've pushed ppl away for being too young for me even though they were adults, n i've never pushed someone away for being too old for me, n blah blah barf wtv.

also, ngl, a lot of fucking ppl here r simply ageist, but still i understand the v real threat n the fact that sometimes it's simply a lot smarter to write someone off rather than to give them the benefit of the doubt when the stakes r too high to risk it. however, i wholeheartedly feel like the ppl who come for me here r coming for exactly the wrong person, bc i'm literally over here saying stuff that a massive portion of the population would find reprehensible, n i'm doing it of my own volition. i've talked many times abt my own ongoing effort to integrate the most potentially dangerous n fucked up parts of myself (most of which were put on me n many of which r a result of my v own past bad decisions) into smth healthier n worthwhile. if ppl don't wanna believe that, well, that's not a me problem. unfortunately, however, ppl can still cause v real damage n make it my problem simply by making accusations or mischaracterizing interactions or attributing motivations that don't/didn't/never will exist etc. i wish they'd turn the attention they're giving me to ppl actually out there motivated by a desire for the gross shit instead of coming for someone who isn't motivated by that gross shit n consistently strives to take ownership of his actual shit, but i can't exactly expect anyone to be able to see in the dark.

okay, i'm shutting up abt all this now, but thank u again. my week is going well so far, n i've conveyed ur regards to the silly fuzzball currently purring at my side 🩵

#ty bestie <3 #mail #anon #oc

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kinglazrus · 10 months

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For the ask game: 1, 7 and 9!

wip ask game

current wip: The Punishment Fits the Crime

Give a 5-word summary of this chapter/fic.

Since I already answered 1 for this fic, I'll answer it with a different wip that I haven't posted anywhere yet, called the Autopsy Reports.

Local mortician needs a vacation.

7. What is your favorite scene you’ve written so far?

I wish I had more written for this fic that wasn't already posted so that I could talk choose one from there. But that would be Danny's confrontation with Maddie regarding him assaulting the Elmerton boys. That scene went in a direction I did not originally intend and it caused a very significant change for the rest of the fic that I'm looking forward to working with.

9. What is your favorite dialogue you’ve written so far?

Since I don't think I can say the confrontation with Danny and Maddie again (because that's just no fun) it's these two pieces of dialogue from different points in the same conversation:

"Mrs. Fenton—" "Doctor." "—when the situation calls for it, we are within our right to keep an adolescent detained."

Shortly followed by:

"Give me ten minutes," Maddie says. She stands up, pulls her phone from her pocket, and walks away. The cop watches her go, shaking his head before turning to Jack. "Dr. Fenton—" "It's just mister, actually." The cop's face pinches. "Mr. Fenton, while your wife is busy, let me go over how things will proceed from here."

In this fic, I'm going with the headcanon that Jack couldn't be bothered to actually complete a doctorate because he hates school learning. So he has all the knowledge because he loves studying it, just never went through the process of getting a degree.

#the king answers #Anonymous #wip ask game #writer ask game #fanfic author asks

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kckenobi · 1 year

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violet, snowdrop, lilac, primrose, orchid, daisy, lotus, bluebell, tulip, marigold, poppy, tigerlily, sunflower, lavender, freesia<33

Hi anon! Oooh boy okay, I'll try to hit them all briefly:

violet— do you like to cook or bake? if so, what is it that you like to make?

I WISH I did, in my mind I totally romanticize cooking and baking but I actually just don't enjoy doing it. I want to so bad, I love the idea of myself doing it, but I just don't lol

snowdrop— would you say that you have been in love before?

I have!

lilac— is there anyone you currently miss right now? if so, who?

So many people, like actually most of the people I care about currently live 2+ hours away, which!! Sucks!! And at the top of that list is someone particularly special 💕

primrose— how long does it take for you to get ready for the day what does your routine usually consist of?

AhAAAA recently I have been snoozing my alarm so much that I can get ready and out the door in 10-15 minutes? But IDEALLY I get up at 5:45 and out the door around 6:30. Recently? .......up at 6:25, leaving at 6:40 lmao.

But my morning routine on a work day is to do my skincare and brush my teeth, put on my makeup and decide whether my curls are able to be tamed or if I need to put them in a scrunchie, feed my cats (who have been meowing and weaving in and out of my legs for every step of the process so far), take my meds and eat my yogurt and possibly something else, and then hopefully: leave for work on time lol.

orchid— when you're being extremely quiet, what are you typically thinking of?

Honestly it's usually work lol. I am very often thinking about work. I've been thinking a lot recently about how like,,,my job doesn't need to be my life, but it's something so integral to who I am right now that it's hard to separate what I do from anything else. I can't decide whether it's good or bad-—to feel like my identity is so tied to that. It's something I love and something I'm good at. But i also have to have a life outside of it, and I have to feel okay about myself on the days I don't do my job particularly well. Anyway—that's a long way of answering the question. But yeah, when I'm thinking, it's often work lol

daisy— what is your idea of the perfect date?

Laughter and long talks and my favorite person

lotus— what is your favorite color and in what shade? e.g. sage green, navy blue, ect.

Honestly I don't think I have a favorite color? Because I like them all in different moments! But the other day a coworker told me she noticed I wear a lot of dark green, and that somehow made me like it more?

bluebell— do you have any pets? if so, what are their names?

I do! Two kitties named Melody and Harmony

tulip— do you wear makeup? if so, how do you like to wear/style it?

My makeup is fairly simple, mostly because I never learned how to do anything more than that. But I just do some foundation, mascara and lipgloss most days!

marigold— do you wear any kind of jewelry on a regular basis? if so, what kind?

For work I do—I usually wear the same heart necklace most days, and I switch out my earrings all the time cause I have a couple I like.

poppy— out of the four seasons, which season of the year is your favorite and why?

I normally answer autumn, because I love the leaves and the weather, but also it's a time of getting colder and darker which—right now, just doesn't sound good to me so this time I'll say spring! For warmer days and longer days and things coming back to life.

tigerlily— do you have any favorite quotes from any movies, tv shows, books, or poetry? (or from people in real life)

SO many, but I'll give you whichever one pops up first when I scroll through my faves:

An excerpt from Good Bones by Maggie Smith:

Life is short and the world is at least half terrible, and for every kind stranger, there is one who would break you, though I keep this from my children. I am trying to sell them the world. Any decent realtor, walking you through a real shithole, chirps on about good bones: This place could be beautiful, right? You could make this place beautiful.

sunflower— in your opinion, what is the best photo on your phone of? (serious or non-serious answers)

Oh man I have no idea,,,,maybe the one where my cats look like they're kissing lol

lavender— what is currently on your mind (aside from this ask game)?

I have to solidify my thesis topic and do some work but I have had the headache to end all headaches today and I don't want to do itttttt

Also—saw my grandfather today and he's not doing great, so just distantly worrying about him.

freesia— what do you want people to remember you for? (serious or non-serious answers)

I can't think of anything specific other than kindness and laughter <3

(from an ask game I can't find the link to now!)

#asks #ask game

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lavenoon · 2 years

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30, 33, and 34 for the fanfic writer ask! ❤️

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

In reading, I don't actually enjoy angst if it's merciless most of the time! I do enjoy some hope with my pain, please <3 So with content I seek out, it'd be the fluff! For writing? Well, uh, looking at my track record - did I. Did I ever write just pure fluff? With not a hint of conflict? The type to make you put your device down and just giggle for a while over it all? I. I honestly don't think so, whoops Merciless angst I also rarely write (and even when I do I can't really leave it alone and let it remain angsty), but I think I'd honestly be better at angst than I'd be at fluff gfhdjs It just, activates my brain? And I love seeing the reactions it causes - a very interesting ego boost where everyone including me is crying <3 (I still will not promise a Y/N dies scenario, because Y/N I definitely cannot fix and I'm not sure I can handle that) Besides, merciless angst doesn't have to involve death, and I do have other evil thoughts brewing <3 So, for writing, I guess it'd be angst!

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

Maybe. Not in a "please ignore all mistakes" way, but in a "please be aware of how often I mix things up" way - please remember English is my second language. To top it off, I learned most of it online, with manga fan translations that were unavailable in German, and on social media, and that makes for rather unorthodox results. Especially with writing - grammar rules differ between English and German, and sometimes I just have to stop and squint and think about which rules I'm applying currently, and if it's the right ones. Or having the perfect word or phrase for something in German - but it's untranslatable. Often enough I write a sentence, in English, that in English makes no sense, but if I literally translated it to German it'd just be a normal sentence. I'm so lost between languages sometimes, I even forget which language I read something in, until I think of a specific phrase from the thing or a context clue that will help me sort it into the German or English basket. Being bilingual is fun, but sometimes I wish I could take my brain out and just make vague, confused, and offended gestures at it until it stops producing nonsense. And perhaps not necessary to know, but a fun fact: I don't write in German, and I'm not sure I'd be any good in it. I very much dislike reading in German these days, and since most things I'm interested in are in English/ have an English original or translation, I go with that! It's a weird situation, honestly, feeling so distanced from my native language, but it's also not big enough of an issue to unpack, and English does have a much wider audience!

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

I'm still very very happy with this little bit from Catbird out of the Bag:

I didn't have a plan, going in, that went beyond "Moon introduces himself and reality smacks him like a brick to the face, he has a quiet, shorter crisis before helping Y/N through theirs". So then I was at that point and Y/N was still so frantic, and I wasn't quite sure what would fix it - but Moon did. It really just hit me, that of course he'd defuse things, because that's his rival, he knows them, they know him, and if he acts a little goofy there's no way they can resist calling him out on it. It's also the first time he uses "dove" for them - the softer, post-reveal pet name he opts for when not on the clock, and I am just so soft for that <3 I still miss this reveal sometimes, I'm glad they all got the happy alternative, and I know that there's only more happiness in their future, too. Happiness that our canon trio will also get, just taking a bit more time! <3

#answer let luce #ribbons-halos #hi Naff <3 #maybe I should just. hm.#Naff asks #that way my weird-about-self-imposed-rules brain cannot struggle which tags to use <3 #all go to Naff asks now #me doing a finger count on what drabbles I have planned:#hurt no comfort. pure fluff! to balance out the hurt no comfort for the same character! hurt no comfort. hurt no comfort the sequel.#reveal: hurt no comfort then hurt comfort #my track record speaks for me I guess #catbird I had a really funny german title for which I couldn't use. sad about that still #but learning there's a bird called catbird made it worth it lmao #also. false friends are my enemies. the amount of false friends i dodge daily istg #but yes hehe #ty for the ask!!

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inneedofsupervision · 3 months

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Nao! Vis you poor thing :( 🫂🤍 people can be really mean when you aren’t ’fast enough’ or ‘not up to their standards’ and all that “memememme I’m a chicken and you haven’t given me my seeds PGAWWK”🐓 (Vis, you are friggin fantastic🤍🫂 some people are just…. Chihuahuas.. always barking and needing to have someone to blame.) not every chihuahua barks through the whole day but that’s the best description I had 🥹

God-damn if you’re talking about the e-prescription or something akin to that, which I somehow really really hope is not the case for you 🫂; that’s rough(in every case. A not working software+no medis can be reeaally irritating for everyone) and I hope whatever it may be with the software, the peeps that should figure it out fix it soon so you can work and can laugh with your customers sometime later 🫂

Oh? May I ask what other languages you speak? 😧

Whohohooo~ have fun on the concert you two!✨✨ get your serotonin back 🎉

You take your time Aight? With all of it, do as you think you can manage🫂

IIIIII’m very much bed ridden still- currently more then usual, I’m still recovering energy from after a doctors appointment. a few things like watching movies is getting taken away again, thanks to my senses being dialled up way too far but it is how it is. But gotta have fun sometimes; so, if I can.. and my mum is around I sing older songs as a joke; like sweet Caroline (Bwam Bwam bwaaaaam) just to keep the mood up ✨🫂

Howevaaaaaa I’m thinking of trying to write smth with an OC and Avengers that I’ll actually post for once… cause- well there’s not much to do apart from read and write Y’know, even music can be way too much and cause me a instant headache if I’m not careful- or if the light on the phone is too high, you get the ordeal..

AAAnd I recently created a character that I really loved soooou yeah🥹 maybe, maybe,I’ll finally jump over my shadow and post OC + avenger stuffs✨

I really hope things get better for you so you have neutral and positive customer experience (again?), so you can do the things you really really enjoy and want to do 🍀🫂 big hugs coming your way 🤍 and wishing a lot of fun on the concert ✨🎉 remember to stay hydrated🫂

Good call, Berry. It's about the e-prescription 😂. It got better with some updates but there are still so many little but also larger issues within the working process. But it's not only the software but also the costumers. Like, I get it. I really do. It is new and confusing, especially for the elderly but I don't wanna listen to five minutes of "back in my days everything had been better", or "the politicians always change something and is it ever good?" while working with these faulty prescriptions with an unfinished and bugging software, thank you.

I'm German and thus German is my native language. I've learned English and Spanish in school but I can only work with English since nothing of the Spanish stuff stuck with me. I also learned Korean on my own but I'm not fluent or anything and can't speak it but I can read the language and understand enough to know what people are talking about but I have to get back to study it.

Sounds like you aren't having a good time at the moment. I hope you recover soon and get better, your current situation doesn't sound found at all... It's so sweet of your mom to visit and sing with you tho, that's really great of her. It sucks that you are hurting so you can not do much to lessen the boredom but I can't wait to read your story once it's out. At least you can write a bit to get the time going. (Ngl when you used the phrase "senses dailed up" my brain after reading thousands of fanfics immediately jumped to "so.... Berry is Spiderman?" Lmao.... U aren't Spiderman tho, right? Riiiight? 😂😂)

I promise I'll stay hydrated but you gotta do that too, okay? Thanks for checking up on me and for caring. 💙❤️

#ask #berry #headaches sound like a pain in the u know #those are always no fun

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silvasurfer · 9 months

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I sit outside a cafe, here on my laptop, sipping a can of Eureka Heights Buckle Bunny out of a pint glass, enjoying the slight breeze and nostalgic glow of this September day. Today feels like hope. I miss the semi-regular consistency of that feeling. Nowadays, while it still remains, it seems to stay buried in the background.

Life feels okay right now. I feel like I'm actually caught up, and because of that, I can breathe, take in the air and it's purity (or the closest thing you can get to that in Houston, TX).

I've had a lot of time off this past week. And I have more off this week. A simultaneously expected and unexpected vacation. Cabo fell through, but that's okay. I think I needed this more; this freedom to do with an extended amount of time as I wish.

Today I saw Barbie for the second time. I'm surprised it took me this long to do so, but a little motivation from a $5 reward and a lack of movies showing right now helped me thread the needle. The only thing left on my current "in-theaters" list is Bottoms. Then it's The Creator in the next week or so.

(I still can't decide if I want to watch that in Dolby Digital Cinema or IMAX at the renovated IMAX theater inside Edwards Marq'e. While the aspect ratio is 2.7 and makes more sense for me to go Dolby, that giant IMAX screen at Edwards sounds enticing, despite it seeming dim when I snuck into A Haunting in Venice.)

I lost my train of thought due to researching movie theaters. I'm okay with it though cause I haven't felt this much passion for movies since... well, I really don't know. It might be as far back as high school. I want to not only watch everything again, but I'm dying to learn.

I recently interviewed for a higher position at my job. They passed me on to the second and last part of the interview process. Not to sound full of shit, but if I can manage to do solid on this last interview, I'm pretty sure I got it. It's still part-time, but I'm hoping I'll get paid enough to where I can work slightly less hours and still have enough to get by. If that's the case, that means more time, and boy do I fucking need that right now.

Cause lately I've just been... tired. Even aside from work. I always feel like I'm catching up on something. Another task on the to-do list.

That's forever, I know. But I don't think people understand how taxing it feels when your job isn't your primary focus, yet it requires primary focus. My ambitions still lie in film, and in order to make that a reality, it requires my focus. But it's hard to lay my focus there when money and life require even more attention. It's hard, and it sucks, and not a lot of people understand. Especially my family. I feel them (whether it be internal or external) judging and belittling me sometimes. They don't have bad intentions. They just don't understand. But that's a lot of modern society, so that's understandable.

I wanted to talk about my girlfriend, and how much I love her, and how much she means to me, and how I picture myself being with her, living with her, marrying her, having a family with her, how she gives me hope again... but I'm getting sleepy from the gyro sandwich, greek fries, and two beers, so that will have to wait for another day.

Alright. Toodeloo. Cheerio. Adios muthafugga.

...

P.S. I remember what I wanted to talk about earlier: Barbie.

That move is absolutely beautiful, and one of the most creative reimaginings I've seen. You know a movie is absolutely fantastic when there's an overabundance of details to marvel at, but you can't even take the time necessary to really appreciate them because they're attached to a bigger picture in itself.

Barbie reminded me of life. My life and how I want to live it. I forgot what it's like to live. I've taken time for granted throughout my youth and I still have as little as earlier this year. That's okay because the graceful moments still exist regardless. But I want to be more intentional again with how my life feels. Not where I'm at physically or career-wise. I just want to take control of how my life feels. Those calms within the storm that seem more rare nowadays... I want them back; and I'll get them back. They're possible. It's just a matter of balance. And control. And things being settled.

I think I'm setting myself up for a nice Fall, and that's all I want - is a nice Fall.

Like Autumn in New York.

...yeah.

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lunarsilkscreen · 10 months

Text

A Lesson

Joseph was a prophet that was good at divining the meaning of dreams. 7 years of surplus, 7 years of famine. That's what he's known for (aside from being stripped of his only possession and heirloom, his patchwork coat and left for dead.)

I could go on to tell about how current events mirror that story in the Bible. And about the movies "margin call" and "the big short". We're about to see that seven years of famine, because of the repeated attacks on the economy, which caused a huge growth surplus. Unsustainable.

Me? I prepared just enough to last out a rough time. Until somebody mistook me for a tech bro and decided that I needed to be taught a lesson that I already knew very well.

I don't have a fortune from crypto, I even warned people about the overinflation of crypto, and to stay away for a minute. I don't have a fortune in stocks either, because I invest modestly and for the long term, while maintaining due diligence.

Somebody told me to sellsellsell my stock at its peak, I didn't, because it hadn't reached its maturity date. And I knew it wouldn't be there during the short squeeze and subsequent loss.

I told people flat out, this is what I had planned for. Because it's a protest investment as much as a "real investment". And I don't do short-term trading. On purpose. On accident? Sure.

They wanted me to sell, because they wanted to be able to sue me for the assets later. What little I saved up for my future retirement. People with their own retirement wanted for themselves.

They gaslit themselves affirming that it's me, the problem. While knowing who I am, and seeing the documents to prove it. And hearing my stories. they weren't listening. They never listen.

When I asked; "Why don't you invest for yourselves a little at a time?" like I had done, they replied that it was because they couldn't afford it. I couldn't tell at the time, they blamed me.

They didn't realize that "investing a little at a time" and forgetting about it is how it works. They, like the techbros, were hoping for an easy payday.

I had enough to last for a while in the worst case scenario. Because I saw the boom, and see the crash coming. Like a tidal wave over the world.

They blamed the wave on me. They wanted to teach me a lesson, the very one they will now have to learn for themselves at my expense. They took me down with them. Because they hated me. Because I was an outsider. Because they thought I was easy prey.

And maybe they were right. I don't think they were.

I've spent a while In therapy and talking about the state of my mental health on stream, and I'm fairly consistent with what I say. Be you can track what I've said, how I've said it, and why I've said it.

I don't blame them for my mistakes. I blame them for being my mistakes and for taking my actual successes and safety nets away.

They were afraid, but they knew what they were doing.

That's what I blame them for. That's the hill I will die on. I don't wish to live in a world where my friends decide that my success and prosperity is theres. Not after all the charity I did do for them. The charity they refused to do themselves.

I'm the "bum" who spent a lot of time diligently building a platform, knowing it would be a long and slow process. And my friends who are more successful than me, I told them that they can't help, because I need the success for myself.

I don't want my success to be reliant on their charity. Because then I would have no other choice but to drop my dreams entirely to protect that platform. I want to be able to help them if they need it, and to lift everybody else up around me, without being perpetually trapped in that cycle.

I stopped hanging out with friends when I was young because they thought I was a leech. And when they asked I paid them back in kind. And they hated that I did that because of the reason I stopped hanging out with them in the first place. An eye for an eye.

They didn't appreciate the charity because they thought it was pity. Or rather, they thought I would treat them the way they treated me. While I did nothing of the sort.

I want liberty and freedom.

People pull you down because of what they think you owe. Even if you've already paid it back, they want more. Because nobody else will pay them back. They've never experienced a person just treating them like they're human.

But when you're kind to somebody like that and all they know is the boot, they'll feel it coming down on them, and it will activate their Fight or Flight response. And they'll blame you because that's what "everybody does"

I don't want to live in that world.

The lesson is this:

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thespiritoflife · 1 year

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Hi Love, I hope you're doing alright. I saw both of your posts about not doing well and getting medicine for your panic disorder.

And I wanna say. I'm so proud of you for taking that step. The first step of getting a doctor and getting the meds is always the hardest.

I do have a few tips, although I don't have a panic disorder. I have severe depression, anxiety and adhd.

(Down below is quite a bit of info. Perhaps even scary/nervewracking. And I'm not trying to scare you so I'm so sorry if I do. I just want you to know some things that I didn't personally know when I first started taking meds)

I want to note though. Keep your head up. Don't stop trying. The first medicine doesn't always work for everyone. The whole process is trial and error to find the one that works for you. So if it doesn't help, don't feel too bad yeah?

I know that for me, it took 5 different types before getting to Zoloft which works for me. And I'm currently on my 4th attempt to find one for my Adhd.

I read in your thing of if get weightloss from meds. I'm sure your doctor mentioned it but I want to mention it. If you're someone whose weight fluctuates and you find your self lose or gain 10 pounds. It's not bad. But keep an eye on it, make sure it's not a constant and only a sudden one and done.

For me. Zoloft made me gain 15 pounds. And after trying so many times to get a med to work. I honestly don't care. I'd rather be mentally okay. Ofc it's different for everyone but just know it's normal.

Something my doctor never mentioned, was be absolutely careful when it comes to missing your meds. Some meds it's totally okay to just drop it. But others like Zoloft and high dosages, If you cold turkey it, it can Hurt a lot.

If you get any symptoms of feeling sick within first two days of taking a new med. Stop. Idc what a doctor says "you'll get used to it" or "it's a gradual thing" absolutely not. The pain and suffering of getting sick from a medicine is not worth it. I tried powering through once before and I severely regret it.

There's good doctors and bad doctors. Good who actually do the research on meds and bad who go based off of old informational packets.

Idk about most meds. But if a doc says "this used to be used for this. But it's not anymore cause it doesn't work" DONT. if you get prescribed it. Research it before taking one.

I got prescribed blood pressure meds that my doctor said "isn't used to treat that anymore" and said it will help me sleep. I probably almost died cause I already have low blood pressure and got given meds to lower blood pressure.

That's all I can remember at the moment. But If you have any questions, you're more than welcome to come to my DMs.

I really hope you have a safe experience and find something that helps you. We all care for you and wish you the best.

Hello my sweet kind anon🤍 Whoever you are, this means lot to me, you coming into my askbox to encourage me. You're sweetheart🤍🤍

No worrries, you didn't scare me at all !! I am thankful for these tips!!

Yes, you're totally right!! I know, mental health is more important than number of your weight and I need to learn that. If I will be heavier but happier, I won't care too!!

Oh my, I didn't know that!!! That it isn't good to feel sick when taking meds! My doctor didn't tell me about it😶 Thank you so much for telling me, oh my god!! I just need to talk about my doctor about it! And I need to change my meds probably too! 🤔

Oh my god, I am sorry for you that you almost died!!! That's horrible but it's doctor's fault!! How could this happen??!! This stuff shouldn't NEVER happen. Some doctors really should think before saying!!!

But you know what, I am happy for you that you found meds - Zoloft and that it helped you!!

i just had phone call with my doctor, i am gonna take other meds!!

Thank you so much sweet nonnie, you're an angel!! And I am here for you too, if you needed me, anytime. I'll try to help you. I love you so much!

And you're damn strong!! Know that

We all can do that!!!!

#sweet anon ask #warmy things❤#🤍🤍🤍🤍#this is important!

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