#actually had less to say here than initially feared bc i do have very long documents dissecting every single line of these songs lmao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

startledstoat · 6 months

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i’m literally just pointing out that people in the fandom have noticed that the apparent standard in their fanart is hourglass figure, 0% body fat, massive thigh gap lol. i am obviously not hating on those bodies (that is literally what i look like!!!), just wondering why none of their characters have any sort of meat on their bones, especially regulus who canonically looks to be at least mid-sized

with what you said about remus - i agree! my favourite fics are the ones that delve into his body image and eating disorder as a result of his lycanthropy. with regulus, i don’t like it as much, mainly because people (cough cough jegulus writers) use it as a way to be like “well yes he was a massive racist prejudiced death eater voldemort fanatic but he had an eating disorder :((((( so it isn’t his fault he needs jamie to come save his wittle self :((((“

anyways thank you for your nuanced response i do appreciate actually debating with people on here instead of people just going “SKINNYPHOBIC AND MEAN LMFAO” which is like. yes maybe i am mean but skinnyphobic?? 😭

Love that you responded nicely!

When I think of Reg with those HCs I think of the EDs going along with the trans Reg idea, stemming from his body dysphoria and also having to do with him being raised with the pressure of being an upper-class pureblood "girl" who was expected to be the picture of flawless beauty, which would've been a very toxic beauty standard for someone in that position during that time (flat stomach, thigh gap, hourglass waist, full hips and chest). This is definitely not a HC that works for everyone, expecially those who don't HC Regulus to have been abused in his childhood or don't HC him to be trans.

The addiction is a separate HC and I'm not saying your take on it is wrong but my thoughts on it are a bit different. It's more what I think would have come around the same time he started realizing that he was on the very wrong side of the war and wanted out but couldn't see a way that he realistically could get out bc Voldemort isn't a dude you just go up to like "yeah man listen we had a good run but now I'm realizing that this is so much more fucked up than I thought and now I don't wanna be part of it anymore". (I like to think that he didn't betray Voldemort just because of what happened to Kreacher, but more like his doubts and fears were building up for a while and Kreacher being tortured was just the last straw)This guilt and self loathing that would likely have ensued would have been a very slippery slope, especially when paired with the pressure of being the new heir following Sirius being disowned and their father dying as well as the trauma from his potentially abusive childhood, I think he could have turned to things like calming draughts and dreamless sleep to initially calm his nerves and moods, but then fell in too deep. And it's fine that you don't like that as much! As long as you're being respectful to the people that do, because it's not a HC that's harmful to any real life people.

His redemption arc, both the canon and the fanon parts, definitely don't just erase the fact that he was a death eater that likely tortured and killed people, but the fact that he tried to do the right thing in the end does count for something. Not to mention that he was literally a teenager that was raised in that environment and was taught nothing else until age 11 when he went to hogwarts. 11 years of one type of propoganda being taught to him, during his developmental years no less, doesn't just go away. Yeah he was 18, and as a 19 year old myself I can say that he was both old enough to have learned right from wrong as he went through school, but still young enough that it's perfectly normal for him to have been terrified of turning his back on the family he knew and outright defying a genuinely horrifying maniac that killed people for fun. 18 is still a child in so many ways even if it's also an adult in some other ways.

It's unrealistic to think that Sirius and Andromeda didn't struggle themselves with nature vs nurture when they first started being taught other things in hogwarts and started hanging around other people, even if we wanna say that they were morally perfect right from the beginning and didn't have any internalized prejudices to work through.

I got off track lmao but anyway

I've actually noticed that more artists now draw plus sized characters than there used to be, and maybe that's still not a lot, but it's not a change that's going to happen overnight. It's like the difference between white james in older fanarts and indian james in newer ones. HCs come and go, and I do really hope more people get on the plus sized characters idea because I think it's great, but even people who do share that idea are still going to have different ideas of which characters it fits based on their own HCs.

The most important thing is that characters who are plus sized in canon stay that way in fanon. Characters who were never given a specified body type in canon (or maybe were specified to be skinny but not given a real reason to be skinny) are fair game for however people want to think of them.

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xiaq · 3 years

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Hi, I have a question re:sex and Christianity. Small background: I still go to church, and I still live with my parents even though I'm not much younger than you, because housing is very very expensive where I live (pretty common here, I would say about 2/3 of my friends live with their parents and we are decently privileged kids)

Anyway. How does one get over purity culture? To be clear, I've never been told in church not to have sex, I've never gotten the gendered lessons that you got. But I am terrified of having sex. My first real, multi-year relationship just ended and while there was hand stuff etc, there was never any p in v sex (lol I feel 12). But I still had insane anxiety about being pregnant despite being on bc. And I think its because I know my parents would be so disappointed if I had sex. And if I was pregnant I could imagine all the gossip. And honestly I think im from a pretty open church, b/c one of our previous ministers kids recently got married at 8 months pregnant and lots of church people were at the wedding and supportive and her parents were there and everything.

I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???

(Asking because it seems like you've been pretty open about purity culture/removing yourself from it)

CW for sex talk (again)

How does one get over purity culture?

Oh man. That really is the million-dollar question, huh? Obviously, I can only answer re my personal experiences, and this is something you should talk to a therapist about, but I can tell you how I’ve tackled it with my therapist at least.

Purity culture is, at its core, an ideology that is perpetuated by shame. If you’re indoctrinated into purity culture when you’re a kid, the concepts become baked into the way you construct your identity, your perception of self, and your perception of your sexuality. It’s practically intrinsic, by the time you’re an adult, to feel shame any time you’re reminded you have a body, much less a sexuality.

According to the chapels I sat through every week as a kid, a girl's body could be 3 things: an intentional stumbling block for men, an accidental stumbling block for men, or unnoticeable. Women were to strive for the third option so as to keep their (and their male friends/authority figures) purity intact. After all, if a boy, or even your male teacher, had impure thoughts about you, it was your fault for tempting them (which, holy shit. I still can’t believe that was a thing I bought into for so long. If my 45 yr old grown-ass teacher had impure thoughts because he could see my 12 yr old collarbone, that sure as hell wasn’t my fault. But I digress.) The Only time a woman’s body can be something else, is when she gives it to her husband, at which point she must suddenly flip the switch in her brain that she is now allowed to be a Sexual Being and she must perform Sexual Duties despite living in outright fear of her own body and sexuality for years (decades?) up until this point. Jesus take the wheel.

Purity culture isn’t a thing you can just decide to walk away from if you’ve grown up in it. Because its ideology is insidious and internalized. So first you need to submit to the fact that you’re going to be fucked up about sex. It sounds like you’re there. Second, you need to interrogate what you believe. If you’re leaving religion behind entirely, you’ll approach removing yourself from purity culture differently than if you still identify as a Christian. It sounds like you might be the latter, which meant, for me, separating what’s actually biblical and what’s shitty, contrived, doctrine that I was told is biblical but is actually more political than spiritual. This helps you address the shame issue.

You need to throw away I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Lady in Waiting and all those ridiculous books you read and reread in the hopes of somehow obtaining impossible marriage perfection and look into actual scripture interpreted within its historical context. I could write a book on this, but the TL;DR is that the text of the Bible was written, translated, curated, and changed multiple times over thousands of years by human beings with human biases and, often, personal and/or political agendas. It contradicts itself! Reading it as it is—a flawed historical document—rather than some sort of God-breathed perfect document—is incredibly freeing. When you do, you’ll probably realize that purity culture is bullshit on a spiritual level. Which is a good start, if that matters to you. Because any time you start to feel shame or guilt you can ask yourself: does God actually care if I wear a bikini or touch a dick I’m not married to? Probably not. Wear the bikini. Touch the dick.

The most important therapy session for me was when my therapist asked what I would do if I got to heaven and God was actually the God I’d been raised to fear. What would I do if he condemned me for being bisexual and having premarital sex and becoming educated, for arguing with men, and failing to isolate while menstruating, and wearing mixed fabrics? If Montero had come out at the point, I probably would have said I’d pole dance down to hell. Instead, I said I would spit on heaven’s gates. If a god that cruel and that pointlessly demeaning really exists—a god who would create in me condemned desire—I won't worship him. The good news is, I’m 99% sure he doesn’t exist. At the very least, he isn’t supported by scripture.

Okay. The final thing you need to do is figure out what you actually want, sexually speaking. This bit is probably the hardest. I’m still in the early stages of this myself. You say: “I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???” Bro, I wish I had an easy answer for you. For me, whenever I’m feeling anxious about Sex Things, I tell myself: 1. My God does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 2. My partner does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 3. I do not equate my worth to my sexual habits. It seems silly, but reminding myself of those three things is massively helpful. If, after I’ve sorted through those, I’m still anxious or uncomfortable, I stop doing the thing. I evaluate. Am I overwhelmed and I need to try again some other time? Do I just not like the thing? Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Sometimes you change your mind. Sometimes you just don’t know. That’s why having a partner who you trust and who’s willing to patiently explore your interests (and respect your disinterests) is so important. Half the battle, for me, was having a partner who told me they’d be ok with no sex at all. Because that took the pressure off me. If the bare minimum they need is nothing, then anything more than that is a bonus! Hooray! This is maybe TMI, but let me tell you. I thought I was asexual* right up until I was able to have moderately non-anxious sex. Never in my life did I think I would initiate a sexual situation but… I do now. It’s a fun thing to do with a person I love and, holy shit. I am furious that I nearly missed out on it.

Finally, re birth control: I don’t know how you can approach that fear in a way that works for you. If you don’t want to ever have penetrative sex, that’s fine! If that’s a point of anxiety you can’t get rid of, then don't push yourself to do it. If you find out you like other sex things, do the other sex things! If you don't like doing any sex things, don't do any sex things! Also, have you considered sleeping with people who can’t get you pregnant? Always an option if it’s an option you want to consider. ;)

Okay. I hope this was even a little bit helpful. Sorry if it’s a little convoluted, I typed it up in bursts during my work breaks.

*This is not at all to say that asexuality can be “fixed." Rather, it’s to say that things like purity culture can drastically confuse your sexuality in general. If you’re asexual, then this process is still important to discover what you like/dislike. Then you can be explicit about those necesities and find a partner who’s a good fit (if you want a partner at all, that is).

#purity culture #sex talk #christianity #sex and relationships #sex and religion #mylife #answered asks #aspec #cw sex

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rotshop · 3 years

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*runs across a desert to flop infront of you like jelly* what if: main 3 + (anyone u wanna add (optional)) with a reader who was initially terrified of them like hide under a random object kinda terrified but slowly warms up to them,,,,

(does this 2 u <3333) /j pos

BUT ,,,, i hope this is ok ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[ main 3 + skittish, scared s/o ]

-yeah. yeah that's fair actually. [ 4 the sake of reasonin we'll say you used to be an aahw experiment b4 they nabbed you / have a past w/ the aahw ]

-hank receives the bulk of it, for good reason really. everytime you see them you immediately run off and more than a few times have they seen (or heard of) little glances of you rushing off to hide whenever they get back from a mission.

-for some reason it just kinda. gets to them a little. normally, they'd consider people running from them in fear a pretty good thing but .... something just feels different and wrong when its you.

-so !! he tries to get u to kinda adjust to him. at first he just like. sneaks up on you a little. nothing big or bad, just to ask you some generic little question that he can easily excuse. has a hand on your shoulder in hopes you won't immediately scamper off. at first you're very squeaky and nervous with your responses, but . over time you slowly start giving a little cooler and more collected answers, voice shaking a little bit less and answer coming to mind a little quicker

-he takes the longest of the three for you to get used to but once u do chances r u stick around him quite a lot if the other two aren't there / busy. they go 'i've only had [name] for three weeks but if anything happened to them i'd [very long censorship beep. continues for several minutes]'

-sounds bad but in a way he does think of u as liek . a feral cat SVDGRD ??? ??SVDF?

-deimos is the one you warm up to quickest and therefore stick around the most.

-he's still got some fear to his name in his own right but out of the three he's definitely the most approachable. he's already joking w/ you on day one so its . a little hard to not warm up to him. you might be on edge with him but he just. counters it very well with some 'hey, wanna watch this movie i found?' or 'come check this out' or some other casual, friendly little comment that makes ur brain stall a little

-he did however learn the hard way 2 be a liiiittle more patient and to think abt it a little harder before suddenly hugging someone from behind when they haven't noticed u. it was a really uncomfortable visit w/ doc.

-you stick around him the most bc he's the first u feel comfortable w/ and therefore (in ur mind) liek . the sole spport u got. he does his best to make sure you're doin alright and he reassures you a lot that you're safe with them and you don't have to be afraid. chances are he's how you start adjusting to sanford.

-speaking of !! you were on weird terms. at first, nothing out of the ordinary, you're scared of him just how you were the others. then he tries to talk to you himself, checking in to see how any injuries you have are doing or just a general wellness check of sorts . it makes ur brain stand awkwardly between fight or flight and being calm since you can't tell if he's seriously concerned / cares / etc bc of the shades ,,,,,,,,,,,,,

-so like. you're comfortable enough to not hide immediately but you still kinda. lean away from his touch ( there's a specific night where u were watching a movie w/ him and dei and at one point he reached over to put a hand on your arm / hand over yours and you just kinda. anxiously curl up w/ ur arms pulled close 2 u in deis lap and don't say anything. he only gets an apologetic look and shrug from dei in response ) and stay pretty quiet around him. he yells a lot less around you if he can help it since that tends to squick people out pretty bad, especially those w/ a past in the aahw.

-eventually u calm down enough 2 be able to seek him out urself, there's still some lingering nervousness for a little while but he does his best to alleviate it with little grins and jokes here and there. ( u watch a movie w/ the two of them again and this time you end up falling asleep on his arm. its ok tho bc he thinks its cute so its aight ,,, )

-all of you are dating and the three of them would die and kill 4 you no questions asked

#madcom x reader #madcom imagines #madness combat x reader #madness combat imagines #hank j wimbleton x reader #sanford x reader #deimos x reader #rot writes

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wehatejulietsimms · 3 years

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A/N: i'm gonna respond to this in sections bc it's quite long so bare with me.

Howdy y’all, 🤠 again. Yes, I didn’t in fact die. I’m sorry though that I kept getting sidetracked and couldn’t submit this until now, my boss decided to keep dumping her work into my lap. So I just wanna preface this by stating that I’m going to try and say what I want to as coherent as possible, but I have pretty severe ADHD so I’m not always as easy to understand as I think I am in my head, and I often go off on tangents, over explain things and circle back to topics randomly without realizing. Im basically going to go over their relationship over the years as I said previously (I’m not gonna go into detail about every single scandal and shitty thing Juliet did over the years, because we’d be here all year. so I figure I won’t cover them here, but rather let people ask specific questions if they want to. Remember, I was present for pretty much everything so feel free to ask.😊), but I’m also going to do kind of a mini deep dive into Andy’s behavior and actions (because although the snakes will hit you with every excuse in the book, and tell you that you’re looking too far into things and that it doesn’t matter, it does. The way a person acts in general and towards people around them is very relevant when talking about someone’s health, happiness, and well-being.) To start off, let’s take it all the way back to the time before Juliet’s reign of terror, when Andy and Scout were still together. In all honesty from what I saw of them together (and I saw pretty much everything they posted, I’m only a year younger than Andy, and I was quite into him when he was on MySpace and such, and I always watched anything with him and Scout together because they were fucking adorable lol) they had a really healthy relationship. Not once did I get weird vibes from them. The way Andy acted toward and with Scout, you could tell they really loved each other and were happy together. They had nothing to prove. It just was normal. (For any of you who are younger, or didn’t come into the picture until Andy was already post-scout and would like to see some videos of them together, you could generally search on YouTube for it, but also there’s a specific channel on there called like bring the milk tea or something that has videos of old Andy blogs and also Andy and scout on stickam and such. Worth a look if you’re curious) They weren’t constantly all over each other like possessive pack dogs *ahem Juliet ahem* and whenever Andy mentioned scout he didn’t need to shower her in compliments. They both seemed very secure in both themselves and the relationship. Super cute. Initially when they broke up it seemed quite odd. I didn’t really expect it. It got even weirder when he states that he and Juliet are together. It didn’t feel like they fit together at all (and no I’m not talking about from a fame or success perspective. At least not yet lol) As I’ve said I got bad vibes from Juliet right from the get go. Andy already seemed to be acting not like himself. (Also snakeys have argued that it’s just that he’s more mature now and that’s why he acts nervous and constantly looks Ike he wants to die. 🙄 maturity doesn’t mean losing your fucking personality and being unhappy most of the time. Jesus Christ.) it seemed like they got possessive of each other and constantly needed to show people how in love they were. Pictures, videos, and fucking public love paragraphs to show they are, in fact, in a super real relationship and they love each other. It also felt like Andy’s family was in on this whole weird charade.They (Chris honestly) started to defend her degenerate behavior and attack anyone who had even a whisper of negative things to say about her or their relationship. It was like watching a group of awkward, pretty mediocre actors put on a play about them being together. (I’ve hit the text limit now, but there will be more that I will write just after I submit this one though, fear not haha. N, you can either post this now or wait until I submit the rest, it’s up to you.) 1 / ? -🤠

A/N: i was here for a lot of it as well so i do remember some of this. although i did join the fandom shortly after him and juliet got together (i joined like around the time she was on the voice) i literally remember hoping that him and scout would get back together bc juliet just rubbed me the wrong way and i didn't know why at the time. & side note i actually do recommend people go look at old videos of andy and scout they were really adorable. there is this one video of them singing (i think a carrie underwood song lol) in the car and it's really cute. but yeah just bc he's older doesn't mean his whole entire personality changes. you can be any age and act however you want. i could even use jenna marbles & julien solomita (a youtube couple) as an example, they've been together for i think like 8 or 9 years and are about the same age as A&J (julien being around andy's age & jenna around juliet's age) & although they can have mature adult conversations and all of that, they still act like idiots and joke around together. neither of them look uncomfortable or are afraid of saying certain things like andy is around juliet. so andy aging doesn't mean shit in regards to his personality doing a 180.

🤠okay, so part two here we go. (Also I apologize if I get the chronological order of anything I talk about incorrect, I’m a bit scattered sometimes and the next ask I make will be the one where I talk about the domestic abuse and I tend to get quite heated, which only makes my brain function worse lol) so the point at which Andy was trying to get fans to go vote for/ support Juliet when she was on the voice seemed really fishy. I’m all for supporting the work of the people you love, but it’s kinda strange how hard Andy was pushing this at the time. Too hard in my opinion. I’m obviously aware that it was helpful in the end and he more or less got what he was asking for. But it was like he absolutely needed people to vote for her. As if he would get in trouble if they didn’t. So around 2012 or 2013 it felt like things really went down the shitter from there and just got progressively worse. (I never knew why for the longest time, but after they revealed that Vegas wedding that happened in about that time frame, it made a lot of sense.) Andy’s behavior began to change towards his fans. There are a lot of accounts of this happening from fans themselves and a lot of people said that 1. It was worse with Juliet around, and 2. a lot of the time it would happen towards females especially. ( I think more towards the “pretty” fans but don’t count me on that, I don’t know for sure.) This was completely night and day. Especially coming from the same man who used to always defend his fans and once stated something along the lines of he would never have a crazy or awkward fan story because he loves and is grateful for all of his fans and he won’t get upset if they’re just really excited. I would understand if these fans crossed the line in some way (like the later incident of fans finding his address and harassing them, which is unacceptable no matter who the people are) but from most if not all of the fan stories I’ve heard, they didn’t. They were being respectful and didn’t do anything to warrant this happening to them besides showing up. Which brings me to my next point, a lot of these negative experiences were caused by Juliet. Either she was the one being mean to people, she was causing Andy to be mean to people on her behalf, or her presence was upsetting Andy to the point that he was angry and started being rude and irritable. What scares me the most are the accounts of Andy having a whole Jekyll and Hyde thing, depending on weather or not Juliet was present. Happy when he’s free of her and miserable when he isn’t. In videos of him where Juliet is behind the camera he always seems nervous and strange. Like he’s afraid to mess up. That’s fucking alarming to say the least. You would think that the last thing one would want to do if another person brings them this much anger, stress, and anxiety, the LAST thing they would want to do is fucking marry them. Right? He literally started barely smiling at one point and really doesn’t anymore. I mean for Christ’s sake look at his wedding photos. What’s suppose to be one of the happiest moments of your life and to quote another anon with a different ask, he looks like he’s being dragged to the gallows. (And I get really fucking Angry honestly when snakeys tries to pass it off as “oh he’s awkward he doesn’t know how to smile” or “omg he’s being dramatic for the aesthetics” in some pictures, yes. But why the fuck would you look like that in pictures with the “love of your life” who you now regularly write cringy paragraphs publicly professing your love and complete adoration for? Andy knows how to smile genuinely. Ffs he used to. He smiled genuinely when he was a kid, he smiled genuinely with scout, and he smiled genuinely when Juliet wasn’t around. He doesn’t smile when she is there, and if he does, it is pretty much always visibly fake.) So I may backtrack a little later, but right now I want to talk about the fact that Juliet IS an abuser. More specifically, the plane incident. (Word limit. TBC.) 2 / ? -🤠

A/N: yes. 100%. when it comes to the wedding photos i will never understand people (specifically snakeys) writing off his behavior as him "just being dramatic for the aesthetics". is that something he would do in photoshoots? yeah. is it something he may do on stage? sure. something he would do in an interview? maybe. but candid shots of him on one of the "happiest days of his life"? wtf no. & idk why people think that.

🤠 Just before I start, again, with the pictures, I really don’t think that Andy is enough of a self absorbed egotistical dick that he would actually sit there and put on the whole “miserable tough guy” act in every fucking photo he takes. Ah yes, the infamous plane incident. So straight up, Juliet exposed herself as an abuser, and brought out every bullshit excuse in the book (and made Andy go along with them) to try to cover it up. 1. She was drunk. Honestly this is total bullshit. I say this same thing when people defend cheating or any other degenerate behavior with the excuse of intoxication and I will say it now. Being drunk does not make you a different fucking person. It does not change the thoughts in your head. What it does do is impair your ability to make decisions and judgement skills in general. It’s the same reason why people drive drunk. It’s routine. Its what they would normally do. And because they’re drunk, they can’t see any reason why they shouldn’t do that. Juliet gets drunk, she and Andy fight, she wants to hit him, and because she’s drunk she doesn’t think that she shouldn’t fucking put her hands on him. 2. She hit him in “self defense” and he broke her ribs.(There’s several points I have debunking this) first of all let’s get this out of the way, no one on that plane (including the very real witness who just so happened to be an adult film actress (I think?) who you so love to discount because of it) saw him strike her or even touch her at any time. Two, you are in fucking airplane seats sitting right the fuck next to each other with an armrest in between. It would be pretty fucking hard to break your ribs unless they were made of actual glass, or Andy’s real name is Bruce fucking banner. Bones are surprisingly strong and I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that it’d be damn near impossible for him to do that to you, which brings me to three, if he had broken your ribs you would not be fucking standing up, thrashing around, whining like a little bitch, and oh by the way, continuing to abuse your husband for the second time on that flight. Four, you had a miscarriage. (When I was trying to conceive with my husband it was very difficult. I had two miscarriages before I finally had my son. I’m fully aware of how devastating having one is.) which is why if you are not lying (which I fully believe that Juliet would stoop that low just to get sympathy, especially with this big of a scandal. But I don’t actually have proof of this so I will say that it is just speculation on my part) I don’t fucking care. I am not unsympathetic to her if this did actually happen as I said, however, You do not get to make any excuse for putting your hands on another person out of anger. Ever. I don’t care who you are, I don’t care what kind of stress you are under, I don’t care if you are inebriated in any way and I sure as hell don’t care what the fuck you have between your legs. You do not hurt anyone. Point blank period. Five. You are a woman, you can’t hurt him. This one, actually enrages me. We all know your crusty ass pulled this one out (and threw around trump supporters a few times for good measure) because you know damn well how society and the media views and deals with abusive women. Women can abuse. Women who are shorter or weaker than their target can abuse. The fact that there are people who either don’t know that or don’t agree with that is absolutely baffling. Six. The same (I believe) porn actress. Literally saw you beating your own face with the restraints you had to be put in (which by the way flight attendants only ever use restraints as an absolute last resort when someone becomes a danger to the others on board, so she had to be acting absolutely deranged) to give yourself a bloody nose to claim Andy hit you. Then you proceed to act like a child and tell Andy to call your fucking dad. (Which kinda proves that whole Scientology thing honestly) what in the hell. I stg as long as I am breathing I will never let this go. This is actual fucking domestic abuse. (Word limit TBC.) 3 / ? -🤠

A/N: yeah her hitting him "bc she was drunk" was never a good excuse not only for the reasons you mentioned but, also bc let's be real at no point are you ever going to get served enough alcohol on a plane to make you that drunk i don't care what anyone says. also when it comes to the excuse of him "breaking her ribs" does she forget that andy actually did break his ribs a while ago? i think she even visited him when he was recovering so she should know what kind of pain he was in. & if he actually broke her ribs, there's no way she would have even been able to stand bc i know andy sure wasn't able to. he said it was one of the most painful things he's experienced. (i don't think i need to comment on the rest of this. it would just be redundant. you hit the nail on the head with that.)

🤠 I don’t care if it happened just that one time ore more likely is an everyday occurrence. Abuse is abuse and should never be tolerated. Kind of getting away from the plane thing. Andy always seems, as it’s been said on here before, afraid to mess up. Like he might mess up, and make her mad. A common behavioral pattern in abuse victims. He also at this point and for a decent amount of time before, doesn’t seem like he loves her anymore. Like he keeps up appearances and pretends, but it’s like it’s a job he’s forced to do. He’s tired and burnt out but was probably manipulated into staying and juliet is probably clinging for dear life. Also I don’t know if I’m the only one who thinks this, but I swear, the veganism and sobering up was just a cover up, most likely formed by either Juliet herself or her fucked up family, after the plane incident to hide their tracks and regain some public favor (because you know, if you advocate for animal rights then you can’t abuse your husband 🙃) Andy never gave a shit before though. Even though it was unhealthy he loved to drink and smoke and was very outspoken about that. And he used to never give a fuck about eating meat or consuming animal products like leather. I mean they’re still selling leather goods ffs. I would get having minor fuck ups because you don’t know any better, but it’s fucking leather. And now Andy is unhealthy and miserable as ever, but the culprit is malnourishment and Juliet rather than cigs, alcohol, and Juliet. My final thoughts: I do definitely believe in the Scientology theory, but if not that than I definitely believe that Andy was and is being manipulated for his fame. On several occasions it really looked like they broke up, including the time when they did, and then said it was a joke. It really doesn’t feel normal. Also, Juliet doesn’t really care about Andy that much. She never wears her wedding ring, she sells all their shit, including sentimental items, and now that she’s gained more popularity from being with him, suddenly doesn’t want to put him in her bio or write him the same creepy ass paragraphs or anything. It’s fucked up how shes so keen to say she did it all herself when really she’s been riding dick for fame since before she even met Andy. It also always kinda seemed to me that Amy was kind of uncomfortable around Juliet. We all know that Chris loves to kiss her ass night and day (most likely to do with the Scientology thing “if” it’s true), but Juliet and Amy always seemed to have a weird relationship like it was tense and forced. Also I just want to mention the time that Juliet talked about screaming at the woman over what I believe was a game night and brushed it off as being competitive and no one gave damn. Fucked up. To finish off this already way too long little series, I think Andy is a very vulnerable insecure person who got manipulated by several people (not just Juliet) some of whom he probably really trusted, and they helped to get him in Juliet’s (equally if not more insecure) hands so she could hurt him as she pleases. I truly hope that even now both he, and his parents (even though Chris really grinds my gears) can get out of this whole shit show, relatively unscathed. I know this is probably pretty unlikely, but hope springs eternal I guess. As I said feel free to ask any questions you may have and I will try to answer them best I can. Thank you for reading. 4 / 4 -🤠

A/N: yet again you hit the nail on the head with this part so i don't need to comment too much. other than the fact that i do agree that juliet and amy's relationship does seem weird.

#submission #anonymous

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eyrieofsynapses · 3 years

Text

so today I just watched the first episode of Almost Paradise! And I’ve gotta say, I am impressed. I already had it on my watchlist but I was planning to wait to watch it for a while until I could let Eliot fade a bit from memory, just so I wouldn’t automatically think of him while watching Kane. But I ran into an article this weekend about how it was filmed in the Philippines and the details of that, and my curiosity was piqued considerably more, so I figured... why not?

(I also started White Collar this weekend and that was very enjoyable, but that’s a post for another day.)

Anyway, my brain’s buzzing now, so have some first impressions and reactions, plus initial meta-analysis because I am intrigued. In hindsight I probably should have recorded first impressions while I was watching, but I’ll do my best to remember the bits that stuck out. Warning for... exceedingly long post.

ooo, okay, so he’s got a medical condition. I faaaaintly remember reading about this in the summary but I didn’t pay much attention to that, oops.

telling a guy played by Chris Kane not to get his heartrate up! that’s definitely gonna happen. definitely. one hundred percent. not like this guy loves fighting or anything

(also tbh the joke about, ah, sexual dysfunction admittedly left a sour taste in my mouth, because I do not go for that kind of thing, but... this is Devlin and Kane, so I’m trusting, based off Leverage experience, that they aren’t gonna be too inappropriate. [In hindsight there are actually interesting meta reasons for this so the sour taste has dissipated somewhat.])

this poor doctor. she’s so done with him.

...he’s definitely not gonna pay attention to the monitor is he

that journal’s gonna get zero use oop

(I was duly impressed when he actually did use it later)

huh, liking how we immediately dive into the effect tourism has had on the Philippines. so we’re getting some commentary here too? I can deal with that

...wow. bad shop. eek

I’m sorry but I am loving the touch with the floorboards and such breaking beneath Alex. the look on his face is just perfect

and the monitor goes off! for tbh the last reason I expected it to first go off for, excellent

MOTORCYLE? did they give him a motorcycle?!

awww no it’s the baddies who have the motorcycle :(

hmm this should be interesting. loving the look of this leader guy tho

--aaaand good asthetic guy is dead! with an ice pick! creepy and creative!

bar. no way this could go wrong

internal battle! understandable that Alex wants out, buuuuuuut if he’s anything like I suspect he is--

--yup, picking a fight, with a damn pool cue--

--not picking a fight?

...picking a fight. by being friendly. *sigh*

yuuuuuuuup. that’s definitely good for your heart

badass fighting scene! with a pool cue, that’s a new one! love seeing Kane take ordinary objects and turn them into fighting tools

(ngl this had Eliot vibes. that said I am thrilled to see how damn good these fight scenes are and this is making me even more excited for Redemption)

aaaaaaaaaand oh fuck this was a police setup. which. I actually did not see coming, huh

ahahah they’re pissed! because he messed up their bust? or because he just saved their asses?

...probably technically the former but I suspect the latter is also true

refusing to get Involved being foreshadowed by his indecision earlier! of course he’s going to get Involved anyway, only question is how

“hitter” I SEE YOU. I SEE YOU AND YOUR REFERENCES. I SEE YOU DEVLIN AND KANE

pfffffffffffFFFFFT the meditation, oh gods

that voice. oh Alex.

I genuinely cannot tell if this is him actually trying or if this is him begrudgingly making an attempt because he has to

lacquering(?) the doors, which, hey, actually look pretty nice--this place is gonna look good when it’s done isn’t iii--

oh fuck Alex is being attacked

(this is definitely something to be concerned about. yes. totally. not like we haven’t already seen him take down a bunch of guys.)

with a garrot! this is definitely totally not how he’s gonna get Involved

oh my gods the detail with the paint. nothing says Competent like getting irritated at how the baddie interrupted your house restoration

hehehehe Involved

oooh, hmm, he thinks they sent the guy after him? what kind of corruption has Alex faced? I mean it’s not an unreasonable fear, but jeez, it sounds like this has happened to him before. doesn’t say much good about the DEA...

huh, this is a level of disturbed I haven’t seen from Kane before. which, granted, I have only seen him in Leverage, but I’ve never seen him pull this out before. the voice crack is an excellent touch

also, worth noting, Alex is definitely a notable level of... hmm, paranoid? this is just a tad bit frantic, though that’s understandable from a guy who almost got killed while in the middle of an attempted meditation

oh god being cocky in the middle of a briefing. poor Kai

--being cocky and competence porn! of course he takes the watch and turns it into a lesson

...he must be a hell of a teacher

(also, bonus points for actually using the journal. maybe he’s taking this health thing more seriously than I thought he would?)

may I repeat: COMPETENCE PORN

uh-huh, you’re so not involved, definitely, Alex, not like you’re gonna get pulled straight into this or anything

Ernesto is just watching to see how things play out, Kai is... trying to do things the right way, and Alex...

...Alex gives precisely zero fucks. buddy you are so not subtle

right, walking straight into the lion’s den! radiating confidence! terrifying

this is a disturbing level of truth he’s sharing for this lie. I mean, best lies are crafted from truth, but... jeez

hm. so is Alex also a “I don’t like guns” type guy?

(probably not for the same reasons as Eliot doesn’t [his is definitely more in the “they make it too easy to kill” department whereas I would guess Alex has either more tactical or PTSD reasons], but, hmm. this is something to watch for)

(did they know they were bringing back Leverage when they set up Almost Paradise? I’m genuinely wondering if they didn’t write some Eliot traits into Alex specifically bc they knew Kane missed playing him)

this is a fantastically confident level of grifting--what exactly did he do in the DEA, precisely?

...ah. cool asthetic guy. stuffed in the freezer. gotta admit, I definitely didn’t see that one coming. creepy!

(and it looks like you actually managed to shake Alex a little, hah)

aaaaaand in the meantime we have Kai following his advice! in an... interesting way. hm.

(surprisingly this does not annoy me that much in hindsight. not sure why)

and understandably, this does not go over well! except, oh, fuck, DEA guy. this ain’t gonna be good

...worse. worse than I thought. what happened to you, Alex? former partner? whaaat

“attacks”?

this gonna be the typical “traumatized white dude has Anger Attacks” type thing?

honestly I immediately went “probably not” given how it was handled in Leverage. wasn’t sure though. but that does leave the question of what sort of attacks? it doesn’t seem like it’d be meltdowns, so what does that leave?

hmmm. DEA guy is an Ass. we Do Not Like him. I’ve known Alex for less than half an hour but you do not do that to him. you do not use trauma against your guy, Jerkface.

cutting a deal? this should be interesting

...well shit. I. am sincerely hoping Kai isn’t about to walk in on anything too bad

this definitely isn’t gonna be a fight though, that I called right off the bat

--bottles. dammit

oh, Christ. attempted OD or just drunk?

just drunk! good! well, very Not Good, but better than the other thing

pffffft dunking him in the water and then him going straight back to the water when he sees her, that is both absolutely hilarious and deeply concerning

aaand I’m agreeing with Kai but also, poor guy just got confronted with a hell of a lot of things that would raise his trau--

...mm. yeah. that’d be it.

...I. was. not expecting that much backstory info straight off. holy cow, Alex. that is. messed up. someone get this man a hug

“one of the guys that cared too much”

(...like you?)

(or is that why you won’t let yourself care now?)

fuck, there was a lot more to that boat scene than I thought. ow

partner who betrayed him like that? I’m just. gods.

Trust Issues is definitely gonna be a Thing isn’t it

can we just take a second to appreciate how Christian Kane is playing the absolute hell out of this character

aaaand Kai brings him back to the city for a Heartwarming Reminder of why he was in the game! this is very tropey but it is, as John Rogers has pointed out, an instance of the “well-worn writing tool” rather than feeling cheesy!

holy crap Kai has lost. a lot of people. oh man

ahahahaha classic “why did you bring me here?” line! you know why, Alex. you know why

oh, and Ernesto gets a chance to help him out! I’m already enjoying this so much

awww and Kai shows up to help encourage him! with coffee! supportive friend and very obvious but honestly okay love interest! good!!!

(what the heck is with Devlin and his crew and sticking Kane with two besties? based on Ernesto’s dynamic with him I’m guessing this isn’t gonna be an OT3 but. I am loving the trend)

“I’m gonna regret this in the morning” pfft

huh, working with the DEA agents. not like he’s gonna go off script or anything. that’s totally not gonna happen is it

hehe irritated look while they’re putting on the mic. he is so very unimpressed

--”little episodes”--episodes?

moment of appreciation for the un-forced-feeling diversity in these police squads

“how’s the anxiety?” I’m sorry what

hold up, when we say “episodes”--are we talking panic attacks? does Alex have actual goddamn anxiety?

...actually with PTSD? that would make complete sense. I am... intrigued. I am really hoping that that’s the case, actually, because having seen how well they handled Parker and her PTSD in Leverage (as well as Nate’s and Eliot’s) I have a lot of faith that they could pull that off really well, actually. That would be good.

ppFFFT TAKING OFF THE WIRES RIGHT OFF THE BAT

wait what. you’re telling them everything? what’s your game here?

“get that frikkin gun outta my face!” yup, not a fan of guns! no disarming though? huh

(also can we just. appreciate how Kane manages to make “frikkin” sound just as much like the cuss it’s replacing?)

(LET ALEX SAY FUCK)

oh. OH

hi Ernesto! hi Kai! I see what y’all doing

ohhhhhhhhhh Alex you goddamn genius. Getting rid of all of the drugs so there’s no way the precise thing he was claiming to be doing can happen. I like this

THE MEDITATION COMING ON ON THE RECORDING I CAN’T--OH MY GODS

Alex please tell me you know how to disarm a gun. please. guns are not effective at that distance

OH. OH I DID NOT SEE KAI COMING.

got ‘em! murder confession, how did I not see that coming? good stuff

Kai can fight!

KAI CAN FUCKING FIGHT WOW

I am very much appreciating Kai right now

also is that a FLYING KICK from Ernesto?

they better give these people more fight scenes

aaaaand straight into the water, oh god. I’m assuming this was a choice made because Alex is familiar with this territory? ...I do not think I want to know where Alex learned to fight underwater.

(I really really really want to know.)

how the fuck has your monitor not gone off by now Alex

choking him out underwater, okay, wow

what size are your lungs? this is long

extra kudos for excellent underwater filming and wow I am hoping the actors actually came up for air

(this is also unreasonably beautiful for a scene where you’re choking out a drug lord. the water is so pretty)

Evil DEA guy (no I am not going to learn his name, he doesn’t deserve it) is gonna be Alex’s Agent Sterling, isn’t he? this should be interesting

heh, police chief is taking his side! good stuff, good stuff

(it is very nice to see Alex getting some people in his corner after knowing what hell the DEA put him through)

Alex has fallen so damn hard for Kai. this is very very adorable actually

awww he’s really getting into fixing up the shop, isn’t he? I’m sincerely looking forward to seeing how he gets this up and going, it really looks like he’s enjoying himself

somehow I am starting to wonder if the cocky “oh yeah I’m opening up a gift shop how exciting huh” thing at the start wasn’t... actually genuine. he... is enjoying this, isn’t he? good. very good

I am unreasonably invested in this man’s wellbeing for one episode in

!!!!!!!!! HE GETS HIS PARADE

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

giving him his reason to keep going! yes! yessss

oh Alex you are attached now. you are very attached. good luck my dude and don’t let the trust issues get in the way

this is a good show. this is a heckin awesome show.

also, side note, it is SO PRETTY

I am just loving loving loving all of the scenery. competence porn AND landscape and city porn. beautiful. perfection. excellent

...that was. much longer than I anticipated oops

anyway, conclusion: hot damn this is a fun show! I am very excited to keep watching this. Alex officially has my heart, even if he’s a bit of a cocky bastard sometimes. Kane is fucking hilarious. (More reasons to be excited for Redemption!) Kai and Ernesto also have my heart, and I am extremely interested to see their character development.

Honestly, the beauty is surprising. I didn’t expect to just enjoy how pretty it is. The blues of the ocean, the intense tropical colors, even the run-down gift shop--there’s such a gorgeous aesthetic to it all. If I wasn’t already invested in the characters and plot, I’d be invested for that alone.

So... I have some thoughts on Alex and the show structure.

He’s obviously very disillusioned. There’s a lot of nods to the idea of war--he’s commonly referring to himself as a soldier, as a veteran, maybe as a casualty. I’m gonna take a totally wild guess here and say this show is going to be focused on the drug issues in the Philippines. (Wow, Synapse, how the heck’d you guess that?) I do find describing the war on drugs as a war, and going into the terminology that comes with it, very appropriate, and I like how this show is actively calling this to attention rather than using it as a convenient plot. They’re actually addressing the issue and discussing its impact. And given how overlooked certain aspects of the impact of the drug war on the Philippines is, this is a good choice, especially in order to alert American viewers to the issue. I’m curious to see how they handle that.

Again, interesting drawing parallels to war, too, and comparing it against the likes of WWI and Vietnam. It really gives that sense of weight to the issue and defines a vital aspect of it: the impact of the war on drugs on the people involved. It emphasizes that the people who are fighting it suffer consequences and PTSD just as a soldier in the field does, and it also emphasizes, with Kai, that it isn’t just the people actively fighting who bear the consequences. It’s also the people on the sidelines--it’s the families, the people on the streets by the gunfights, the economical impact, etcetera.

But there’s also an element to Alex’s character that automatically makes him relatable to a lot of people... and it has nothing to do with the PTSD, nothing to do with the war on drugs, nothing really to do with the main issues. It is, simply, the intense hopelessness and depression that comes with trying to make a difference. In his case it’s making a difference on a severe worldwide issue. But the vast majority, if not all, of Almost Paradise’s audience should be able to relate to a feeling of never doing enough. And there’s certainly a large section of that group who can relate to being part of a fight that never seems to end. Doesn’t matter what you’re doing--if it’s driven at helping, it rarely ever feels like you ever do enough. But the advice given is excellent. One of the best things to do, when you’re feeling hopeless over this, is to focus on and take deep joy in the impact you do make.

Alex is an expression of a frustration that a lot of people deal with. This, I think, is one of the reasons why he instantly drew me--and presumably the rest of the audience--in (outside of a fantastic actor and great humor). He’s relatable. He’s something that most people can see a part of themselves in.

Anyway, symbolism and real-world talk aside, this is just... fun. It’s genuine fun. We’re covering rough issues, but there’s a lot of well-written tropes in here too that are written in that way that makes them enjoyable to relive rather than painful. The humor is delightful and plentiful. There’s a lot of beautiful feel-good moments. I’m suspecting this’ll be a comfort show, and I am perfectly all right with that.

Onto the next episode!

#Almost Paradise #Almost Paradise spoilers #Almost Paradise 1x01 #reaction post #christian kane #(please please please let these be the right tags)#synapse reacts #this is a new thing!#hopefully y'all like the new thing!#even though I am exceedingly long-winded #I mean this is basically the equivalent of me yelling into the void #but I need SOME void to yell into #so this might as well be it #and perhaps someone'll get a kick out of it #so why not?

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dikiyvter · 3 years

Note

23 & 31? :eye: for either or both

Of course aid anything 4 u <3

Uncommon Questions [ accepting ]

23. How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)?

For Gio: Envy is... kind of a scale of ugliness for Gio, to be honest. First and foremost his envy is typically not something ugly; It's typically something that turns more into a hopeful longing other than any sort of truly resentful behavior. Just because he wants what someone else has doesn't mean that he needs to take it from them necessarily; the world is not a pie to be split among it's inhabitants. He views the world as an endless wealth, and if he wants something someone else has, all he has to do is work to get it himself. Ultimately his longing to be human and to take a quiet role in human society spawns from envy of the lives that humans lead.

... And then there's the far uglier envy. Gio is a rather childish individual who experiences emotions very strongly; In part this is subconscious acting, and in part it's genuine truth; He's really never been good at things regarding emotions primarily because he's never been taught a whole lot in regards to control of ones emotions or ways to manage them. He's a bit... emotionally stunted but more in the 'seems like an erratic mood swing-y mess because he feels very strongly' sense and less, you know, [gestures at Baal and Zhongli]. There is thus always a chance that when Gio becomes envious of something, his first reaction is that of intense resentment towards whoever it is that has what he doesn't- This is partially true even for his love of humanity. Even though he starts off with the thought of "this is beautiful" it was still interlaced with a lot of bitter resentment that he would never really have that; Coming to terms with his worldview is what got rid of that. But it's a bit harder to have a mentality of 'the world isn't a pie; someone having a bigger slice than me doesn't mean i can't have more if i want it' when its... say...

A person whom you love whose fallen for another or is having all of their time taken up by them.

For Riga: ...Riga gets a much shorter paragraph and for that I apologize, but I have a lot more thoughts regarding Gio on this subject considering that lil clowns got a lot of conflictions and nuance to ramble about. Riga, on the other hand, tends to be far more simplistic in the things he is feeling and how he is feeling them; though this isn't to say he feels any less strongly or erratically than Gio does.

Rigatello typically feels envy as a genuinely ugly awful emotion that typically results not just in resentment but in a very, very intense form of frustration. A major part of his character is that he is someone who wants very little, but the few things he does want are things he perceives more as needs; Case in point being he doesn't perceive wanting Gio to care about him as being a want, he sees it as a need, and when your needs are denied you become... what? Angry. Frustrated. Depressed. Envy turns him violent, because why should others have what's rightfully his? Why are others entitled to the few things he truly needs? Why is he not deserving of these things? There's a tangible cycle to a lot of Rigatellos emotions, and it's that he is confronted with something ( or someone ) he wants; He becomes reliant, he thinks he needs them ( using gio as an example; He cannot imagine who he is without Gio nearby. He cannot imagine himself in the hierarchy that is set between them both and Dottore without Gio there, because Gio has always been the one to provide a release of tension, even if the relationship the two of them shared was at times very far from healthy; The change of something he sees as being integral to his identity and his place in his little corner of society is something that throws him VERY badly; Rigatello is someone very afraid of any meaningful change because the fear of what comes next and that change leading to potential failure is one that haunts him ) ; They move away from him, and he panics, because he has very little and thus clings desperately to what few things he has; Cue the cycle of seeing that which he 'needs' with someone else, being angry, being frustrated, falling down the rabbit hole of wondering why he isn't worthy, arriving at depression, resparking that frustration, and... repeat.

A lot of his envy spawns almost purely from a place of this frustration-depression loop of wondering why he isn't good enough-- something that ties in heavily with the way he was 'raised', where threats of being scrapped were thrown freely, and any failure could potentially result in his literal destruction.

Wait this wound up being longer than Gios. Whoops.

31. Who are they the most glad to have met?

Okay here's where we ease into me being able to make coherent sentences again bc i'm not bound purely by my muses emotions <3

For Gio, It would be Venti, in more ways than one. First he had technically met Barbatos. The ideal Barbatos gifted to Mondstadt that rubbed off on the freshly-created and quite impressionable Gio; It was Mondstadt and their talk of freedom that lit the little fire that eventually turned into Gio pursuing his autonomy and humanity. Then was the archon; Barbatos gave his vision to him, and without that Gio never would have managed to escape Dottore, and if he didn't currently have it he wouldn't have been able to evade capture for this long. It also served as a constant reminder of Mondstadts ideals -- And not just that, but the special shape that the vision takes has always been a symbol that although Snezhnaya was his home-- Mondstadt was where he belonged. Then came Venti; Someone who made him feel welcomed in Mondstadt when he was initially very nervous about being there. He and Venti became dear friends ( possibly more ) and now that's someone he looks forward to every time he's on his way back to Mondstadt. The city truly feels like home to him now, and that's mostly because of Venti-- and even if his friend doesn't wish to be seen as Barbatos the archon, Gio cannot help the appreciation he feels for those previous actions, nor for the general ideals that Venti / Barbatos inhabit.

For Riga, that would be Lio, no contest. It.. it would take me ten years to explain all of Rigatellos feelings towards Lio there's so much shit at play they mesh so fucking well together their traumas and mentalities are such similar echoes, Lio is literally the only person in the world that Rigatello has felt genuine love and affection for and not in some way panicked and tried to burn the bridge before it could burn him; He feels genuinely safe and happy with Lio, and the fear that constantly haunts him is eased in their presence; He trusts not just Lio but himself, the fear he typically fears when he touches others is gone because they trust him so thoroughly that in the midst of their love it's hard to be afraid of himself. He feels for once that he can be something that protects instead of something that exclusively does damage; He feels cared for, wanted, loved, when all his life he's felt rejected and constantly on the brink of destruction. Where he once was told his wants and thoughts don't matter he has now found someone who cares very much for what he wants and what he thinks and FUCK I have a lot of thoughts about these two.

40. How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

Oh god, here's another thing I can't fully explain.

For Gio: Immensely. Gios current mentality is essentially that if he just closes his eyes and refuses to think about it then he doesn't have to deal with his flaws, and if anyone points them out he can just get mad about it and avoid them until he dies because he does. not. want. to. think. about. it. He HATES feeling bad, he hates feeling negatively about himself, he doesn't... know how to genuinely change things about himself; And I think that. That itself can be very much shown in how he treats the fact that he's not human? A person? Yes, he's a fully sentient person with his own thoughts and expressions and free will, a human? Not exactly. He's made out of metal and circuitry and artificial materials, and this is simply a factual statement, its not opinion; But he almost treats it like it is. He sees this idealized version of humanity that he wishes to be a part of but he cannot fathom how he can be apart of it if the core thing about himself isn't changed, but its NOT something he can change; Instead of accepting that, however, and still going on with his goal to pursue his autonomy and humanity despite this, Gio would... honestly rather stick his fingers in his ears and go "lalala" because he doesn't really have the toolset to mentally deal with the contradiction of "I want to be human but I can't". He perceives a need to change that isn't there, and instead of trying to address it he ignores it entirely in hopes that... it'll just stop being an issue that he needs to address with himself at some point. The same mentality applies to a lot of his flaws. Does he know hes being avoidant of his problems? Does he know that it's going to cause more issues in the future? He does. But he can't even address it with himself because it makes him feel bad, let alone with someone else who could actually provide him with skills that he needs to change his behaviors and mentality.

For Riga: Okay he genuinely gets a shorter paragraph this time because in short? Rigatello doesn't care. Admittedly he kind of wears his flaws on his sleeve. He's a "says it right on the tin" kind of guy most of the time, where he's typically mostly open about the less positive parts of himself-- If not exaggerating them as a means of keeping people away. There are of course the flaws that he hides due to them stemming from traumas, and his general desire to hide all things relating to his personal thoughts and feelings-- But this in and of itself could be perceived as a flaw, though one very unexplored considering Lio is his first close relationship with another person where he's been in any form open about his own thoughts and feelings, away from the influence of Dottore or the Fatui.

Rigatello does have... slightly less healthy perception of what counts as flaws in himself, though, such as having his own thoughts and emotions. He perceives his traumas as weakness, and weakness is a flaw, to him-- So too, then, are his traumas. He's not sensitive about this in the sense that Gio is where he's willfully ignoring something he's doing wrong; Riga doesn't... know that this isn't a good mentality. He.

Riga is kind of hard to explain this regard because of how severely impacted Rigatello is by the traumas hes endured, the people he was 'raised' by, and the current lifestyle that he leads. His emotional understanding is extremely limited and always has been, and I'm not entirely sure how to put it in coherent wording; Because typically when I try to talk about Riga and emotions it devolves into word vomit because his thoughts are just... nonsense screaming pain mush that he doesn't know how to cope with so he tells himself to toughen up, shoves it in the closet, and goes on with his day until he can lay down at night and have a meltdown--

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

Honestly? The general rule of thumb is that I don't typically write people that I myself would get along with, if only because I know way too much about my own characters and their flaws? When. I look at people that I get along with, its primarily people who are patient enough to deal with my memory issues and my general lets say... low iq, to be nice. They're mostly laid back people who don't give too much of a shit one way or the other, but are friendly and fun to talk to because they have interesting ideas to contribute to a conversation, give room for others to contribute, and don't mind a bit of chaos when things inevitably devolve.

When I look at the characters I write... They all have some sort of flaw that directly contradicts the core things I typically find in someone I get along well with?

Gio is someone who I think I could get along with for a while; But inevitably his flaws, his distress regarding those flaws, and his subsequent refusal to acknowledge them in any meaningful form would inevitably stress me out and it would start to get tiring.

Bluntly put Riga is scary and I feel like I'd be stressed out 24/7 that I'm going to irritate him... And his general mindset of emphasizing his own flaws to push people away would just make me angry and I'd probably wind up letting him isolate himself because, having once been someone who was very much that way, I no longer deal well with that degree of self-pitying behavior b/c it pisses me off.

Outside of this blog, Ku Shen and I could probably get along pretty well, but I think the issue is that he's a massive introvert who would go Weeks in-between texting, and I have the memory of a goldfish and i'd inevitably find myself in a position where i have a text from him that's been waiting for me to answer for the past week and I'm too nervous to reply because I feel awkward being like 'hi i have untreated adhd sorry', and then suddenly three months has passed and I just can never talk to this man again.

...I'm going to include my Morax on here as well even though it's blog isn't super active; Look I might actually be able to chill with Morax if only because we vibe in either 'i am listening to you ramble for 3 straight hours with occasional questions or commentary' or 'we have both been dead fucking silent for the past 3 hours' and these are both my ideal ways to exist in someone elses presence. Also I feel like it'd wanna do fun shit and likes going on walks or smth. 10/10 I think I could get along with Morax.

H) What trait do you admire most?

Ah fuck okay. Uh. For Gio... I admire his optimism and hope. I consider myself to be a generally hopeful person but I'm not typically the kind of like... ~ * direct action * ~ person, and Gio VERY MUCH IS in most regards. He's generally super fucking ambitious and if he WANTS something he will GET IT and you cannot STOP HIM and I just wish I had that level of

I. Dedication II. Energy III. Optimism in actually completing the goal

For Riga? I guess it would be his general tenacity and endurance. He goes through. A lot of shit. Constantly. And he just keeps trudging on forward without pause. He does what he needs to do, and if you get in the way of him and what he needs to get done, then he'll make you fucking regret it. Top tier shit 10/10 good for him.

#❄ ⤚ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴊᴏᴋᴇs ( ooc. ) ⇾#❄ ⤚ ᴛᴏss ᴀ ᴍᴏʀᴀ ( inbox. ) ⇾#oh... my fucking god this is a long post im so sorry

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fmdminhee · 3 years

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task. #famedrstask1.

notes: word counts are included with each individual answer! completed for +5 tracker points.

assuming your muse has changed in some way, be it internally or as a result of a change of the external factors around them, how is your muse different? these can be as small as an opinion on a song they hadn’t released previously or as big as a major change in their background. word count: 261.

minhee’s childhood prior to becoming a trainee is pretty much the exact same as before the restructuring. dance prodigy says fuck u crazy dance mom, i’m not gonna be maddie ziegler, and ends up becoming an idol. she started training a year earlier than before though, so she had a slightly longer training process! i think the most obvious change to everyone else is her faceclaim, which is now lee hyeri. buuuut if you take a look at her pages or app or anything else, you’ll see that she’s now a main dancer, lead vocal & rapper, rather than being a main dancer, lead rapper & vocal! this was sort of a selfish change on my part, because i wanted to open her up to some opportunities for solo work that wouldn’t have suited her before because of her position, but that would’ve fitted more along the lines of what i initially imagined for her image than the options actually available to her. she’s also been a lot happier for a lot longer, because instead of debuting with a concept she hated, minhee got to debut in ... an age appropriate group! if you look here, you can see some examples of what i thought of when thinking of minhee’s ideal group and ... yeah, lily lines up with that pretty well. not perfectly, but pretty well. she’s still dealing with her issues surrounding her family, her sexuality and her fear of aging, but for the most part, minhee’s a lot more settled, or even satisfied, in terms of her career.

what does your muse think of their company and their group? word count: 255.

let’s start with lily, minhee’s beloved. she loves her members, she loves the overwhelming majority of their songs, and she’s proud as hell of the legacy they’ve built up for themselves so far. to be honest, sometimes she it just hits her that oh shit, she’s minnie from lily! and oh shit, they’re basically the biggest girl group ever. no one tell her that candy inherited nation’s girl group or that ultraviolet are taking over the world, let her be dumb. no, but genuinely, she can’t believe the scale of what they’ve achieved sometimes. she doesn’t totally feel like she deserves all the love she gets. then there’s the company behind it all; bc entertainment. she wonders all the time if her mother would’ve went along with everything if it was any other company that minhee came home with a callback from. probably not. for that alone, she’s thankful. she sort of dislikes being portrayed as perfect and untouchable -- more silly and down to earth than a lot of her peers under the company, but still. it’s just part and parcel of bc’s status. the reason it gets to her is that she’s very much not that perfect girl next door that the company wants her to be, and she puts a lot of pressure on herself to live up to it. as such, minhee probably doesn’t take advantage of all of the resources being under bc allows her access to as much as she should, choosing instead to just grin and bear it.

is your muse on their first contract or their second? if they’ve renewed, what were their feelings around that at the time and what were their hopes for their second contract? if they haven’t renewed, what are their current thoughts on the end of their eventual first contract? word count: 260.

minhee is on her second contract. she renewed with bc in 2019 for a further seven years, which doesn’t feel like that long of a time. seven years seemed like a liftetime when she signed her debut contract in 2012, but it went by pretty fast for her. finding out what the rest of her members were doing was the most important thing for minhee when choosing whether or not to renew. with lily’s status in the industry, the money she made over the previous years, and the wealth belonging to her family, she felt confident that she’d be okay no matter what happened. a safety net. but her preference was always going to be to continue with the rest of lily if possible. she wouldn’t have forced the issue if the others didn’t want to though ... at least not on purpose. knowing minhee, she probably would’ve been crying all over the place and ended up messing with everyone’s plans like that. maybe she would’ve put out an ad like, “nation’s girl group in search of new agency. must be willing to take in four fully grown women and meet all of their demands.” as for the terms in her second contract, minhee was looking for some more royalties and some reassurance that lily would continue to receive the levels of resources and investment that they were already receiving from the company, as well as more opportunities for her to grow as a soloist. she didn’t want them falling by the wayside. she’s too young to be washed up!

what are your muse’s goals and motivations? word count: 259.

in terms of her career, minhee actually has some pretty lofty ambitions. her top two focuses are solo music and modeling, and they’re basically split an even 50/50. she wants to continue releasing upbeat solo songs, but as for the music itself, aside from some dabbling in lyrics, she’s happy to leave it to the professionals. her primary interest, aside from the obvious performance and promotion aspects, lies in developing her own choreography. for her own songs firstly, but also for lily’s songs, and maybe even others within the company. outside of bc remains to be seen. she’s been really inspired over the years by a lot of the dancers and choreographers that she’s worked with, even from before entering bc, and she’d like to inspire someone else some day too! and modeling ... i can’t lie, minhee just likes looking pretty and getting free stuff, so she’d like to do some more of that.

as for her personal life ... messy as hell! she still really wants to find love but still only goes looking for it with fuckboys. she wants to get closer with her dad and her extended family, but is finding it difficult to pull off while also keeping her mother at arm’s length. she also can’t help antagonising her mother because she’s a dumb brat. i don’t think minhee realises it yet, but she’s slowly coming to a place of self acceptance too. when she does realise it, i think that’s something that will really motivate her to be the best she can be.

what is one conflict, internal or external, that your muse is currently dealing with, has recently dealt with, or will need to deal with in the future? word count: 262.

i’ve talked in depth about minhee’s conflict over her sexuality here, which all still holds true, but i want to take this opportunity to talk about something else very close to my heart concerning minhee that i’ve mentioned once or twice in passing but never explicitly. minhee is autistic. she just doesn’t know it yet. some fun mun trivia is that i’m autistic! but, as is typical for a lot of afab people, i was basically an adult by the time it was diagnosed. you might say, hey sucy, stop projecting on your muses, but i say no! write what you know and all that. it’s kind of ironic though, because not even i realised minhee could very well be autistic until i’d written her for two years, and deciding took me another. and now she has to go through the diagnostic process again in character, smh me. anyways, yeah, minhee is probably going to have it suggested to her pretty soon while seeking some help for her anxiety about aging, and after that she’s gonna have to recontextualise her whole life because it’s truly like a lightbulb moment for a lot of people, myself included. suddenly everything that was weird to you growing up makes sense. it’s kind of a lot to wrap your head around, and would be for anyone, so writing about that for minhee is going to be interesting. i mentioned above that she’s been kind of moving towards self acceptance anyways, and i think this will be a very big turning point for her on that journey.

if your muse has established career claims, what are their thoughts on their career so far? if they do not, how do they feel about not having individual activities yet? what would they like to do in the future, if anything? if they don’t have ambitions for individual activities, explain why. word count: 277.

she does! her individual activities consist of modeling jobs and a couple of variety show cast positions, because i felt that these were the avenues she would’ve been pushed down up until more recently in her career, when her interest in choreographing for herself would’ve really taken off. minhee has really enjoyed her career so far. she feels settled within the entertainment industry, and that type of security is so sexy to her. the less chance that her mother can say i told you so the better.it’s kind of a big difference for her in terms of character actually, but this incarnation of minhee likes being on variety shows! she’s actually confident appearing on them! this is because of the difference in concept between lily and lipstick. lipstick’s minnie’s confidence took a long time to build up. lily’s minnie’s didn’t. she’d like to be on more variety shows in the future, especially something competition based, like dancing with the stars ... or masterchef, for a laugh, because she’d be the first person eliminated. and then, there’s the modeling. as mentioned a couple of questions ago, it’s something she wants to focus pretty tightly on going forward. her favourite brand that she’s been the ambassador for so far is crocs. she loves her crocs. she has, like, five different colours. crocs, please sign minhee again. working with etude house and kloud was pretty cool too though. sometimes she’s still able to swing free beers when she goes out. so, going forward, she wants to continue with those types of gigs, as well as pursuing more solo music and developing her skills as a choreographer, like i mentioned earlier!

#famedrstask1 #yes i did this instead of getting dowoon's intro ready!!! but ... now i'll go do that please love my silly middle child's changelog!!#yep . minhee's now the middle child of my kids that's crazy

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ziracona · 4 years

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please bless me with all of your dbd headcanons even just a crumb would satisfy me,,,,, lmao. Fr tho ur hcs are godly pls give me all of them especially for og 4 and wraif

Thank you!! I’m glad you like my hot takes!

Let’s see, og4.

Jake grows facial hair pretty easy (that part is just canon). Usually he either lets it grow and ignores it till it gets long, or stays cleanshaven, but the in-between stage is physically painful for everyone else at the campfire bc you wake up and see rugged 2day scruffy woodsman stretch and he sees you staring and goes, “What?” Looking thoroughly unimpressed and Meg sheds a tear and Claudette pretends to not be looking and stares at her journal and Dwight gets heart palpitations it’s just bad for the whole group. When he shaves he’s an edgy dumbass and does it with a sharpened hunk of metal he made into a knife for himself and Dwight saw him shaving once and had to go sit down.

Jake has a soft spot for many of the survivors he’s known longer (honestly at this point, he’s pretty attached to the lot of them though), but especially the ones who work really hard at protecting other survivors. Double points if you’re younger than him. He would kill for Claudette, and take a bullet meant for Quentin, but would not convey this to them at all. Jake puts almost zero effort into making sure people knows he likes them. The people he has a soft spot for especially are also not always the ones he prefers to spend time with. While they’re survivors he spends less time with personally, Jake respects Feng Min for being the snarky little gremlin she is, and Tapp’s dedication to his job even here. Weirdly, while the people he likes often aren’t aware of affection, the ones he respects but isn’t as close to usually are aware of the respect. Jake also thinks he doesn’t like having friends and spending time not alone, but he does.

If asked point blank his thoughts on a survivor he likes, he’d probably just shrug or say, “They contribute to the team,” or “She works hard,” or “He’s fine,” because Jake just be like that. He had a hard time getting close to anyone initially because of how he grew up. Jake’s very guarded. He’s used to people manipulating and using each other, which makes keeping anything vulnerable close to his chest just necessary as he sees it. Boy doesn’t trust easy. Or open up. Ya need a can opener. Boy also does not like getting pushed around. Least favorite killers (aside from Nightmare) are probably Doctor and Ghostface, because he cannot stand being forced to do things or used. He’d rather take a chainsaw to the back than have someone lord power over him. He’s also got a looong memory, so if you fuck him over, he is not the kind to forget and forgive. He is the kind to resent and remember. Not that he never forgives people, but boy would have to really believe whatever happened was regretted and the person wasn’t like that anymore to let something that made him very angry go. He’s quiet angry though. Bide your time and get vengeance kinda angry. Would never let someone push him around. If a killer tried to fuck with him, he’d do everything in his power to kill them.

While Jake is tough and likes to hike just to be out and moving, and enjoys toughing it out, Meg enjoys being outside more as a fun thing than a wildnerness lifestyle thing. She has a lot of energy, and even in the realm, all that adhd can be a bitch. It would be easy to focus on the shitty stuff happening and drown in that, so she likes to keep moving, like she has since she was a kid and started running. Meg loves hard, and if she cares about you, she’ll make sure you know it. Not good at shutting up or realizing if she’s been going on for too long, girl has passion for everything.

Meg talks a big game, but does not have as much confidence as she pretends to have. She has abandonment issues, but they’re less, ‘my dad abandoned me’ and more ‘everyone but my mom, from him to grade school friends, hasn’t stuck around,’ so she does worry about that and coming on too strong, which she is aware she often does, but she can’t get herself to turn down the power settings on herself even when she tries. She’s never been good at making friends, so all of this in the realm is kinda new to her, since no one can leave. Meg would tell almost no one those things about herself. She cares hard though, and will try to distract other people from realm despair any way she can, because it’s what she needs and she assumes what they must need too. And to be fair, she ain’t wrong. Good at cultivating activities and drinks loving her friends juice.

Big goofball. BIG goofball. Also big gay. Well, bi af, but w a pretty strong preference for the ladies. She is simple of heart. Sees a girl, loses ability to think. Bonded with Nea over this problem. High int, low wisdom, big dumbass. Her weaknesses include girls’ eyes, voices, accents, freckles, scars, stomachs, legs, ass, titties, hair, hair dye, laughs, hands, eye contact, and cute accessories. Not great at expressing her feelings when she catches them, but tries hard. Actually pretty good at romancing once she gets into the groove. It’s just getting there she sucks at. Loyal as hell. Will go to bat for her friends and would rather die than betray them.

Meg has a real temper, especially when she feels like something being done to her or someone else is unjust/unfair, and will always try to fix those things even when it’s hopeless. Can and will weaponize her anger extremely effectively. Ridiculous memory for pop culture, shit memory for homework and things she was supposed to be doing. Memelord, but with some class.

Idk if this is because I identified with Claudette really strongly when I first started playing dbd or not, but I have always seen her as Asexual & Panromantic. Attracted to kindness.

She gets overwhelmed fairly easily, but has been improving that by necessity since arriving in the realm, and can tap into the mom-friend override to fix problems for people who aren’t her. Has a hard time telling when people are teasing her/joking, but everyone knows this so they take it easier on her than each other.

Like Meg, had no friends before this, so it’s exciting and new, and a little scary, but mostly really good. She worries about other people a lot, and doesn’t always know how to help, but she tries. Very relieved Dwight volunteered to be team leader.

Enjoys recording things and studying. Would be fascinated by the Entity’s world if she wasn’t always being killed. Seems small and weak and easy to take down, but she has the strength of will to kill God herself if backed into a corner, especially when fighting for someone she loves. Sweet does not mean she will not fight back, and since being in the realm, and getting over her initial freezing up at the sight of horrifying murderers, she has worked extremely hard to be brave and take an active roll protecting people whenever she can. She is still terrified a lot, but has learned to push through that to help her friends and herself.

Loves animals, including ones a lot of people don’t like (bugs, snakes, rats, etc) and would and has definitely tried to snag a scorpion and a cockroach from trials to study before, and tried to befriend the realm rats now that they exist. Tries to get Jake to show her how to get birds to like you but does know how to ask him right.

Nervous about interpersonal relationships and unsure of herself. Really likes everyone but horrible at telling how other people feel. Feels like she always comes off wrong and can’t put words to things well even when she understands them super well. Does her best 24/7. Incredibly smart and talented. Knowledgeable about her passions. Is always thinking 4th dimensionally and has saved the team many a time by pulling off wild bullshit that makes sense kind of just barely but no one else would have thought of.

Dwight was a loser and kind of a douche growing up, kind of selfish and entitled and weak, but is no longer that person after a few years in the realm. He works hard to make good on his promises to look out for everyone, and cares about them very genuinely. Great at thinking on his feet and sounding like he knows more than he does, wonderful at regulating tasks to people efficiently, and not a bad strategist.

Being the kind of person now who would not have liked the person he was a few years ago causes a little cognitive dissonance and self-doubt, but he’s trying. Genuinely enjoys hearing about people’s days and interests even when he’s completely lost.

Not a fan of heights. If the fear of heights was not vastly overpowered by fear of sharp object, he would actively avoid the old ironworks in trials, but alas.

Used to play video games a lot. Thought he was good at them. Was not. Was definitely not.

Self-improvement king. Works hard and is a really decent dude. A very good sport. Used to be an asshole, so now that he’s nice he’s pretty damn forgiving if other people put in the work to improve too (my boy’s no hypocrite). Has mellowed out a lot and is pretty chill and nice but the damn fool will break his own heart by taking things people say the wrong way, or things they mean as a joke literally, if it’s something he thinks is true about himself, and will totally miss context and vocal inflection and just be like, “I know but I’m trying TuT.”

Big gay but in denial and confused

Just at this point really does want people to get to go home and be ok. Loves hearing stories and listening to his friends talk at the campfire because it makes him feel like things might be okay. Get the same result just by being near his friends, especially the other og3 who have been with him forever. If they’re all still there, things have to turn out okay someday. :’ ) Has never really told them that, because he’s supposed to be the leader, and thinks they’d feel less secure if they knew he depends on being able to sleep close to them at night to feel like he’ll be okay himself. Not in a they’d judge me way, but in a I really don’t want to let them down way. He wants them to think he’s got a handle on things even when he really doesn’t.

I was gonna do Philip too but I got this this morning and this post is already ridiculously long TuT, so here you go. Plus one mini Philip one.

Philip feels responsible for the young man he saw his boss kill the day the Entity got him. He knows that he killed scores of people unknowingly for Azarov, and those weigh, but he thinks sometimes late at night that if he could have just saved that one, it might have been enough to make him feel absolved someday for all the other deaths on his head. He remembers his face very well, and how terrified he was, and the moment of confusion and relief, and almost gratefulness when Philip let him go. He thinks over and over that if he’d just talked to him–assumed something was up, and gotten him to be quiet. Seen Azarov in time and stopped him. So many little things, and the young man would have lived. Even if the others were things he was completely blind to, he feels like that one is especially his fault, and that he could have stopped it. That one really haunts him.

#long post #dead by daylight #dbd #Philip Ojomo #Dwight Fairfield #Jake Park #Claudette Morel #Meg Thomas #I love doing these but I have like 6000 headcanons and I'm not good at picking one TuT I'm happy to do more but please help me give me an #area to focus on I'm dyin' scoob I'm boo boo the fool #Too many thoughts head full #the wraith #ask #anonymous #In Living Memory #In Living Memory (fic)

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bigfeelingsdyke · 3 years

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project blue book cpt. quinn in s1 pt.1

basically just some musings on captain quinn, under the cut bc it’s going to get long lol

okay i HAVE to talk about his emotional progression because i think it’s the strongest of the main 4 and i’m obsessed with how brilliantly subtle it is (michael malarkey i’m coming to kiss you on the lips.) Like, when we first meet quinn he comes across as the classic cocky, abrupt, military man (actually, it almost comes across as forceful- as in “can you tell i’m Acting” forceful imo, but maybe i just haven’t been around many military dudes alkdjfkl) but it becomes clear pretty quickly that this is more of a practiced persona- which is not to say his time in the air force hasn’t molded him in certain ways emotionally (more on that later)-and he’s not really this straightforward, blunt soldier. In fact, i think quinn is shown to be quite perceptive and good at reading people; the scene in the pilot when he and hynek are at the diner is maybe the best early instance of this- he feels confident enough to call hynek’s bluff but is completely sincere in his offer to fly them because he senses that it isn’t a total bluff (again i tip my hat to you mr. malarkey for communicating all of this with a Look.) Other moments that come to mind are quinn being able to tell something is up with hynek by the sound of his voice (over the telephone no less!), correctly intuiting that hynek was melting down because he couldn’t process lt. fuller’s death (and vocally empathizing), picking up multiple non-verbal cues and tics during his (initial) interrogation of rizzuto, and navigating the situation with the drugged platoon. All of this is not to say quinn can’t be insensitive or dismissive, because he frequently is (to both hynek and various Believers) but he’s the skeptic, so that’s kind of his job. I DO think it’s hilarious that despite quinn’s people-reading skills he can’t tell when hynek is lying to his face. Like, no way is hynek a convincing liar, quinn just has a crush on him LMAO.

Now about that “more on that later” re: how being in the air force for 10 years shaped quinn emotionally- Perhaps more so than anyone else on the show (including susie, a literal spy) quinn resolutely does not wear his heart on his sleeve. He’s not an emotional guy (outwardly anyways, dude spends enough time sulking at bars that its clear he’s in his Feels internally aldfls;fdkl.) Apparently a decade of military conditioning will do that to a person [insert grimacing emoji here]. Because of this, the one emotion quinn IS able to express is anger....which i know isn’t groundbreaking for the character type, but the intensity of quinn’s anger is so fascinating to me, especially because of it’s infrequency.....Like, quinn regularly gets annoyed/exasperated/frustrated but rarely really, truly angry- and when he does it’s....terrifying. Like, possessed-by-fury-incarnate levels. And i have to think this is an intentional choice on mm’s part, and i want to know what his thinking is behind it!! Personally, i read it as quinn having years of bottled up rage around the trauma he suffered running combat missions, which i think is supported by the fact that these moments of furious anger are almost exclusively directed at the generals- like he recognizes (subconsciously) that they, and by extension the air force, are responsible for his unresolved trauma. I think the scene when he confronts general harding about the trick interrogation illustrates this really clearly; it makes sense that quinn would be upset, feel angry and betrayed- but his reaction is SO frighteningly intense it reads like this particular situation is triggering something deeper that’s been building for much longer than one afternoon.

**On that note, i want to clarify re: his fight with hynek in “Abduction” that quinn isn’t angry (the intensity simply isn’t there, and i don’t think he would ever direct such deep-seated rage at allen, even unintentionally) he’s hurt.

Finally, i gotta talk about how quinn reacts to his encounter with the orbs, and his confrontation with deepthroat, in the season finale- specifically how deeply we see these events affect him emotionally. Even though up to this point he’s already had several “unexplained” experiences (including being fucking electrocuted inside his damn car by unseen forces and dealing with lingering electric currents in his body) quinn has seemed, in true skeptic fashion, to file these occurrences away as strange phenomena with some kind of scientific, terrestrial explanation (whether its in agreement with hynek’s assessment or not) and appears largely unbothered by them. But then we get his (very up close and personal) encounter with the orange orbs, and confrontation with hynek’s contact, and both leave him visibly shaken. And now i’m going to rave about mm’s acting again, because SERIOUSLY- the barely concealed fear in quinn’s eyes when facing down deepthroat like!! he has a steady hold on the gun in his hand but his glassy eyes betray how scared he really is- for himself and hynek (side note: i LOVED how protective he was of hynek in this scene, but more on that in part two...) As for quinn’s aerial encounter with the orbs, i think it was a great callback to lt. fuller’s experience in the pilot (which quinn dismissed as all but impossible, and then tried to prove it) because we got to see quinn go through nearly the same experience....and come out the other side a lot less sure about ufos than he was ten episodes ago (narrative and emotional full-circles are soooooo sexy omg<3) Also, his reaction (surprised, hurt) to hynek bullshitting to the generals was very telling- actually, it reminded me of the scene in the x files pilot where scully discovers the dirt under the comatose kids toenails and immediately freaks out because holy SHIT mulder was right the kid IS the culprit, and mulder, the Believer, has to remind her “okay, but you have to write it down in your report.” Like, quinn was so emotionally tripped up by his encounter that he got upset with hynek for telling the generals it was NOT aliens, when his entire MO has been to make sure hynek does exactly that ASDFGHJKL. I’m excited to see just how far down the rabbit hole quinn is actually gonna go in s2, or if he’ll pull back completely and go back to Super Skeptic Mode....

#hi this is what happens when i have no one to talk to about Current TV Fixation slkdfjlsdk #project blue book #mine #this was gonna be about the core 4 but i realized halfway thru i had a lot to say about quinn SLDKFLD #so i'll make a separate post about the other 3 lol #and about queer quinn #ANYWAYS ITS 3AM KLSDJKD HELP

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phoebehalliwell · 4 years

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Any thoughts on a cupidlighter? (cupid-whitelighter) What kind of powers they might have? Like, would they develop new hybrid powers? (Orbeaming? Lol)

Okay. So. i actually think about the differences between cupids & whitelighter relatively frequently (i can say at the very least more frequently than any normal person) because in my next gen fic we have both cupitches and witchlighters, and while we already have a basic 411 on a witchlighter hybrid because of paige, chris, & wyatt, we saw really next to nothing on how cupids function as they were only in a total of like eight or nine episodes. but it’s established cupids are a different species and while cupids & whitelighters share some powers with similar functions (both have a form a teleportation & of sensing), i think the ways they tap into these powers is completely different. broad strokes, if a whitelighter and a cupid switched bodies, they would have trouble beaming/orbing respectively, because it would require a different set of skills/mentality.

so let’s start with whitelighters bc we’ve got a little more lore on them to start with. they are a species completely ruled by logic. there are clearly A Lot of rules in place for whitelighters, ranging from general “don’t fall in love with your charge” to the hella specific “don’t eat on the job, wear you formal robes to meetings”. we literally get the quote “a whitelighter who's controlled by his emotions is useless.” so uh. yeah. that and they clearly serve a higher power (the elders), and to displease them is to have your wings clipped. now, we could get into some speculation here bc while the elders are a higher council of whitelighters the do act as the guide/leaders of all users of white magic, no matter the species. so like we could say that what a whitelighter should have originally been was one who was always compelled to do good and help others and they initially operated off their basic instinct, and then the formed a casual system you know assigning charges to make sure every witch/future whitelighter was receiving the guidance they needed, and then that grows into this and this grows into that and we see the elders rise as the beacon of good magic, the moral compass to guide the world (and who better to watch over good magic than beings who are literally hand picked due to their amazing capacity to do good?). but now it’s sorta a uhh what’s the word you know that thing where something feeds off its own energy and growing bigger and bigger because every time you’re doing it your building off your last iteration and nothing’s really driving you to do it at this point other than the fact you feel like you need to improve the last phase into a bigger and better phase it’s very cyclical and i swear there’s a colloquialism for it but i just can’t put my finger on it Anyway it become a that situation where the elders are the leaders of the magical community so they need to be presentable and they need to be dignified and they can’t be a clownass bc then it seems like the elders as a whole are clownasses (which i aint saying anything butttttt) and because of all this whitelighters as a whole, over the centuries, turn away from that sort of intrinsic emotion based free form sitch and become a much more rigid and structured people. because of this, i think powers such as orbing is really guided by a more logical approach. they think of a location, and they can go there. it’s very much done with the mind. sensing is another whitelighter ability that has become less and less attuned to emotions. a whitelighter can sense when their charge is in trouble, but we really don’t get any other emotions. however, they can easily sense if there are people in a room, or if a being is evil (note: i know in the s5 opener when piper was kidnapped by necron leo’s like “all i’m sensing is courage” but my counterargument was that was not a normal emotion, that was a magically amped up backfire of a spell that suppressed other emotions and completely flooded one’s system with courage, so i don’t count that really. i would also add, as piper and leo share a very deep, very strong bond, it’s also likely that leo’s ability to sense piper is a lot higher than it would be with any of his other charges).

so now let’s jump to cupids. we have barely any canon on them (which i love), and what we do have i might very well ignore. (there’s a cupid judge?? all cupids are dead babies????? i’m..... yeah i’m not doing that.) the way i see cupids is as beings of love, who are very much ruled by their emotions (the real water signs of the magical world). we know from coop that beaming itself is about emotions, not logic. you can’t think of a place to get there, you feel it (which is why piper and leo kept fucking up their beaming destinations in the finale). when they sense, they sense love, they sense hurt, they sense fear, they sense caution, they sense hope. it’s not a physical thing, it’s not a mental thing, it’s pure, raw emotions. also just while i’m on the topic the way i think cupids work is that they’re just straight up vagabonds, they wander the earth just looking for instances to spark love, there’s no rhyme or reason to it. (like leprechauns how in canon “are like bees, they pollinate the world with luck.” it’s implied they don’t have charges/specific assignments to do with their luck, they just go where the vibes take them. that’s how i like to think cupids work. like love isn’t about reason or logic, so the way they operate shouldn’t be grounded in reason or logic). as far as a higher power they have to answer to, i don’t think that would come from within the cupids. i think while there is a vague social structure base off how long one has been a cupid for, there’s mostly just a sense of fraternity that links them all together. the higher power they answer to is the elders (who honestly i really don’t think they engage with the cupids like At All especially with their focused belief that logic and discipline should be the standard they just really don’t like the loosey goosey energy the cupids have. it think when they called coop bc they felt vaguely guilty for completely shafting her love life was probably the first time they reached out to the cupids in about a century or so).

So. now that i have talked extensively about both species, let’s get into what a cupidlighter would actually look like. for starters, the birth’s gonna be a scandal. romeo and juliet two households both alike in dignity a wild love affair a this a that the other it’s gonna be the talk of the whole magical community. and there are so many questions because how will this child age? which being would they elect to become? what powers will they have? so on and so forth. so two answer my own questions: a whitelighter was once human, and can become human again. it’s established immortality is a gift. i think cupids are naturally immortal (sidenote i think coop had to petition the elders to grant him the ability to age, which they weren’t too keen on bc they’re like dude we already let you marry a witch what more do you want and coop’s like .....to not watch my wife grow old without me??? and they’re like ughhhhhhh but then leo catches wind of this and orbs up there like heartless motherfuckers?? coop’s love for phoebe is pure don’t subject them to this horrible curse???? jesus christ aren’t you supposed to be the good guys? stop and think about your actions for like 90 seconds you callous fucks??? and the elders are like 😐😐 okay coop can age. and like the younger whitelighter are like can we talk like that? and the older ones are like nooooooo that’s a leo thing they like cannot kill him). so, in conclusion, i think a cupidlighter would age like a mortal, but at an insanely slow rate (think like asgardians to humans in the mcu. but like. maybe not that slow). what will they become, a whitelighter or a cupid: i think they would be raised/trained in the ways of both, and then once they’re like in their twenties you know they’ve been alive for almost a century they would probably settle and decide what they will act as, which really depends on who they are as a person (but let’s be real it’s gonna be cupids who wants to serve those stuffy ass elders with their suckass playbook). as to what powers they would have, i am honestly going to say All Of Them. because there’s no witch in them there’s no concept of a dominant/active power. so they just like. can do it all. (and hell yes to the orbeaming which i am definitely looks like orbing but instead of a blue light and tiny white orbs its a pink like with small ass lil hearts 💞💕). so the teleportation magic would fuse into a new power and the sensing would fuse into just a superior version of sensing, they can heal like a whitelighter they can manipulate time like a cupid they just. they get everything. But. a lot of the powers have different triggers than they normally would. i would say orbeaming would definitely be a more difficult form of teleportation to master than orbing or beaming on its own. i think the time manipulation, which should be ruled by the cupid half, would end up having a more whitelighter trigger, meaning they’re going to have to figure that one out on their own because the cupids don’t know how to teach it to them and the whitelighters don’t have that power. so while they really have a long list of powers, mastering them is much more difficult than it would be for any non-hybrid.

and if i’m doing a bonus round (and i’m Always doing a bonus round) here are my thoughts on a cupitchligher. so we’ve got a couple options here a cupitch was a relationship with a whitelighter a witchlighter has a relationship with a cupid a cupitch and a witchlighter have a relationship a cupidlighter has a relationship with a witch. i think i’ve covered all my bases. i also think all of these would yeild a great range of magic results, but the baseline common traits would be like 1. good person, like an incredibly good person bc they have the whitelighter instinct to help people in need the cupid impulse to spark and nuture love And on top of that the witch’s need to protect the innocent. bro you’ve got such a good person on your hands. and then 2. their witch powers would be amplified by their other halves. okay so you’ve got a tribrid so you know they’re already going to be strong but this is like a merphoenichaun where all the sides are magical but like,, unrelated, this is three sides working in absolute harmony to amplify one another. a witch’s powers come from their emotions and the cupid side helps boost that and the whitelighter side not only adds its own extra punch but it also works to hone it through the inherent discipline that has become ingrained into whitelighter dna.

#oh you know just a couple thots #just thot i'd jot down a couple quick sentences about it #nothing major #yeah lmao i think about this sorta meta/worldbuilding A Lot #💌#charmed #long post

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ashyblondwaves · 4 years

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I saw ur xavier x reader prompt and I gotchu boo! :D How about the reader is like a super shy girl and close friends with Xavier and she never drank or go out w anyone bc her family claims its bad. She wants to do it anyway but she's too scared. She ends up going to Camp Redwood w Xavier and his friends and he persuades her to drink and she ends up drinking and getting drunk and confesses her crush on him in front of his friends. If it's too much I apologize! ^^

Oh I love this! I hope you don’t mind the way I went with this. But once I started going it all just flowed right out the way it did. Thanks so much for this prompt, it’s so cute!

*****

It’s You (Xavier Plympton x Fem!Reader)

Camp Redwood was a beautiful place. Filled with a sprawling forest that surrounded a beautiful lake, it made for a picturesque scene that you could certainly get used to. The water glistened even in the dark as the natural ebb and flow created the most naturally soothing sounds. Sounds you focused on as the small group of people you barely knew smoked pot and passed around bottles of beer to each other.

Soon, a bottle was being passed in your direction. They were expecting you to take one. It was time to come up with an excuse as to why you couldn’t drink, but your body and mind were frozen staring at the amber bottle pointed in your direction. Instead of coming up with an edgy story, the truth came tumbling from your lips.

“I’ve actually… never had beer. My parents would frown on it.”

They had always been strict. Drinking and sex were taboo topics, never to be talked about under their roof. You weren’t even allowed to date as long as you lived with them, and by the time you’d left home you’d grown so comfortable in your shell that going on a date felt like the most impossible challenge.

That is, until you met him.

Xavier Plympton; tall, blond and handsome. Mister Personality. An actor with a pair of lips so perfectly shaped that you often — with heated cheeks — thought about kissing them.

It was him that asked you to come to Camp Redwood. He and a few friends were headed up for the summer with jobs as counselors and the moment Xavier asked you, there was that all too familiar tug at your heart that said, “Maybe he does want you around.”

Then the panic hit. You’d never been that far from home and definitely not for an entire summer. Fear always struck you right in the gut and never missed. This time, it’d hit a bullseye.

Initially, you said no. It didn’t feel right tagging along with an entire group of people just because Xavier had asked you to do something with him. It wasn’t even with him, it was with him and his friends. But then Xavier kept asking, kept trying to make Camp Redwood sound like Disney World and that little part of you that wasn’t paralyzed by the fear started to think that not only did Xavier want you around but he sometimes thought about kissing you, too.

So you agreed. And instead of having a late night walk around the lake with Xavier, full of confessions and kisses like you’d imagined the entire drive there, you were seated around a campfire with beers and joints being passed to and around you.

“Well, are your parents here now?” Xavier’s friend — and ex — Montana asked, taking a long pull from her bottle. “The only geezers I saw were Margaret and that chef.”

Did it bother you that you were expected to drink? No. It wasn’t the first time you had to turn down the temptation of alcohol before and it wouldn’t be the last. Did it bother you that you were expected to drink by Xavier’s ex-girlfriend? Yes. Very much so.

You had no time to be rational. Quickly and without a thought, you grabbed the bottle and brought it to your lips maybe a little too quickly. The glass clicked against your teeth and you missed half of your mouth when slinging your arm back to pour the foul smelling liquid down your throat.

If it smelled foul, it tasted even fouler. You were just getting ready to spit it out when you saw Xavier staring at you with rapt attention. You told yourself that there was no other choice but to swallow it.

As soon as the beer was down, you had to suppress a gag as goosebumps rose on your skin. If you couldn’t even get passed one sip, it was going to be a long summer. The time had finally come to ignore the voices of your parents that you heard every time you tried to do something new. It was time to live your own life.

With far more grace than the first time, you took a second sip. Then a third. Each sip was less and less repulsive and suddenly, the bottle was empty. With a silent hiccup you followed everyone’s lead and set the empty bottle down at your side and tuned in to the conversation going on.

“What about you, Xavier? Seeing anyone?”

“Nah, not really.”

“Not really? What was not really supposed to mean?”

Before you could stop it, the words were out of your mouth and a little more slurred than you would’ve expected them to be.

“It means I’m not seeing anyone.” Xavier’s lips quirked into a mischievous grin. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not interested in anyone.”

“Got it,” you replied, the alcohol making you feel a little bolder and ready to match Xavier’s wit. “I’m not really seeing anyone either.”

Now Montana was interested. She leaned forward, a joint dangling from her lips and asked the dreaded question.

“Who are you interested in, Y/N?”

“Why uh.. why aren’t you asking Xavier that?” You questioned. “He said it first.”

“I don’t care who Xavier is interested in. Probably some actress he had to fake kiss during an audition or something.”

“Not true!” Xavier snapped. “That happened one fucking time, Montana.”

“Yeah,” Ray the frat boy jumped in “Let’s hear from our new friend.”

“You know,” Chet, the final of the friend group, said. “I think I wanna know too.”

“Like I’d really tell you guys who I was interested in.”

You tried to say it smoothly, like it was no big deal, but the alcohol made it hard to focus on anyone but Xavier and you’d made a fatal mistake by staring longingly at him as you spoke. Montana didn’t miss a thing.

“It’s Xavier,” Montana said with a laugh. “Did you see how she stared at him the entire time she said that?”

“Not again!” Chet and Ray groaned in unison.

“Why is it always Xavier?” Chet asked. “I’m here too ya know.”

“What can I say?” Xavier smiled, popping his collar. “I’m irresistible.”

You couldn’t sit there and listen to them talking about your crush on Xavier like you weren’t even there. Montana had some nerve. She didn’t have to say anything, but she told everyone. You had to get away from them. You had to go home. There was no way you’d be able to look at Xavier all summer knowing what he knows while having to deal with the fact that he’s interested in someone else. You got up, stumbling slightly, and stalked off toward the lake.

Bare feet dangling off the dock, above glistening water, you let your toes skim across the surface. It was cold enough to send a chill through your body and you hoped it was enough to sober you up so you could call your parents and have them pick you up.

“Hey.”

You turned your body toward the familiar voice to find Xavier standing at the end of the dock, waiting for permission to come closer.

“You didn’t have to run off like that. You ok?”

He said it with such sincerity that for a brief moment, you thought he might be there because he wanted to be and not because his friends told him to come check on you.

“I’m fine. Just… embarrassed.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Y/N. And if it’s because of what Montana said, ignore her, she’s just jealous.”

Montana Duke, jealous of you? That made about as much sense as the rest of the night did; none.

“Besides,” Xavier continued, coming to sit at the end of the dock with you. “we didn’t even get to talk about who I’m interested yet.”

“Is it actually some actress you made out with at an audition?” You asked, afraid to hear the answer.

Xavier shook his head, “No.”

And then he was scooting closer to you,stopping when his thigh hit yours. He moved slowly as to not scare you and tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. He brought a hand to either side of your face and cupped each of your cheeks, brushing at your cheekbones with the pads of his thumbs. Slowly, he moved forward with a question in his eyes. You nodded eagerly, smiling a bit when those perfect lips pressed against yours in a gentle — yet far from chaste — kiss.

Maybe it was the alcohol, or the dozens of times you’d thought about doing exactly this, but you opened your mouth just enough to allow Xavier’s bottom lip between your own and you missed him back, opening your mouth further to allow his tongue in for the briefest moment before he pulled away to look at you.

“It’s you, Y/N,” Xavier said, a slight grin playing at his lips. “Why do you think I invited you here?”

“To be nice?” You asked.

“No,” Xavier replied with a shake of his head for dramatic purposes. “So I wouldn’t have to spend the whole summer without you right when I’d found you.”

#i write shit #xavier plympton x reader #Anonymous #xavier plympton #xavier plympton fanfition #american horror story fanfiction #american horror story #ahs 1984 #writing shit

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kg2hub · 4 years

Text

so i saw this one post and im not gonna rlly link it or talk to the op about it bc what i have to say ultimately doesn’t have much to do with it other than the fact i agree with it and reiterate some points here but in my own perspective, it just sparked Many Feelings in me and they’re good feelings so uhhhh?

god i just really love swap aus,,,,, personality swaps, role swaps, any kind of trading places/aspects/goals-- but when they’re done well. not to say that i hate it if people don’t do it in a way that i specifically like, or that it’s somehow ‘doing it wrong’ when it’s not bc i’m not saying that, but? i support u even if the way you pull off an au is not exactly my cup of tea!! i don’t shun those ‘other’ ways of doing it and i think it’s super cool to explore those concepts in ways that make u happy, but if i’m not rlly interested in it then that’s just kinda the way it is? and there will always be certain parts of an au that will make me like an au more than other ones, and i think that’s very okay :D

what i’m talking about, is that the thing i like to see most,,,,,,, is that a character is ultimately themselves despite those changes in that au. i like the canon based aspects. i like seeing how people can take a character and put them in a different situation, give them a different disposition, and how that affects them differently from canon-- while still retaining the part of themselves that makes them them.

i also personally like to write my characters as close to canon as possible. i like to have my hcs have its roots in canon,,,,, such as: ted likes to climb things and is really good at it because he’s the one who pointed out the climbing wall in the actual gameplay at recess. --or if it’s not based in canon, then i would have my hc be applied to all variations of the character i write, whether it’s an au or canon-based it’s kind of a Constant that stays the same for me no matter what like: felix is nonbinary.

imo, it just? wouldn’t be fair to have something like that be a headcanon “just because” if i didn’t truly believe i could write a character that way in any situation other than that one au.

as a hc that has nothing canon backing it up, along with it being much more of a ‘serious’ thing as a nonbinary person (waaaay way more than, for example, the fandom’s “felix hates eggs” crack headcanon)-- i don’t like the implication that “this character can only be ______ in an au” which is one of the reasons i must write my ‘regular verse’ version of the character the same way. many things may be different depending on the au, but in the deepest level, i would not change the core of what makes that character a person of their own

i suppose it’s just not my taste to just,,,, see someone take a character and change Everything about them and have no basis in canon if it’s not for some type of goal or purpose? not that there has to be a reason for changing things as long as ur happy as a creator but. that’s not my thing! the purpose for a certain type of swap can be as simple as comedic effect! a funny au with funny situations :D it can be something like exploring a ‘what if’ concept. there can be a reason as big and thought-out and detailed as a whole fucking novel, or the reason can simply be “because it’s cool”

and when i think about a swap au, i’m like! i don’t usually gravitate to swaps that aren’t created for some kind of narrative purpose,,,,,, if it’s a cool concept and maybe some neat designs and that’s kinda it? then cool! maybe i can draw some fanart but at the end of the day it doesn’t sound like something that’d really stick with me other than that. i like to get myself thinking. and being a writer, i especially like to think about the story behind it. the character development behind it. i don’t like to write things if there’s no reason for it. it’s part of the reason i personally don’t spend a lot of time writing descriptions about my character’s appearance (his brown eyes sparkled. his medium black hair blew against the wind, brushing up against his round, golden glasses every now and then. he wore a green pullover today; the school’s logo was on the chest in large yellow print. etc etc) hgfdfgh i just don’t see the point in doing that if it doesn’t relate to the story, or is important for the plot somehow.

if a swap exists, i’m usually like “okay, now how does this affect their life? what effect does it have on their personality? what about their dreams and aspirations? their experiences? the people they meet? the relationships they make? their likes and dislikes? their morals and values? their insecurities? fears? habits? do those stay the same or not? what is important to them as a person as a result of this change? how does it compare to canon? is this because of the one initial change that is the reason for this au, or is this a change due to the butterfly effect of everything following after the change in the au?”

like-- think about life!! we experience so many things. our experiences shape us. if ______ didn’t happen, we wouldn’t be like _______ today. thought patterns, memories, feelings--- how you deal with things and learn to deal with it is what makes you you.

a character could be in the exact same situation as another character, in the exact same place and time, but even if they had swap roles to get there, they could have very different personalities. they approach things in a different matter than the first character. they deal with that situation differently, because of their outlook and the way they think. you could deal with the worst day of your life and react like “there’s still always tomorrow. i’m going to get back up again and do even better.” which is vastly different from if someone were in the same situation and said “i guess it’s time to give up.” and that character exploration? is really really cool to me,,,,

or perhaps a personality swap. the original character might deal with a problem in canon. in an au, they might deal with the exact same problem, but because they think about it differently, or do something different about it, it would have a different effect on them and thus a different outcome would occur too.

another side of a personality swap-- their personality might be different, but who’s to say that changes their goals, skills, mannerisms, etc? let’s say character 1 enjoys painting. they’re a happy go lucky person who likes making friends. now let’s say they swap with a total morose loner. they still enjoy painting, but they do it on their own more. instead of painting happy fields and pretty flowers, they paint dark and spooky forests (an example of skills staying the same, but the way they approach it is different). they don’t have friends to show their paintings to, so maybe they have less self esteem than character 1 (an example of their personality affecting their life as a result of the change while not necessarily being the primary change and is instead cause and effect)

i should rlly stop talking before this post gets 987456435675456764567 miles long, but yeah this is what i have to say

#oops ever just *accidentally writes a whole essay*#i have. more to say actually but that's all the important stuff without losing my train of thought so good enough hgfdfgfg #broe this is like 1000+ words i just woke up and started writing im hgfdfghdfg #no proofreading we die like men #|| Some Dumb College Kid || OOC.#|| Smart Class Stuff || Long posts.#long post

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inspired-by-the-music · 5 years

Text

The Dance: Jongin x Reader

Requests are encouraged! Please read the guidelines before submitting your request!

Genre: angsty; happy ending; kind of a crack au at the end bc it gets a little chaotic lol; featuring ot9

Word Count: 2,756

You didn’t know how to react when Jongin invited you to go ballroom dancing with Taemin and his girlfriend. Initially, you were surprised because of how intimate that date sounded, especially when compared to your infrequent unofficial lunch and movie dates. And because you weren’t officially dating, all you could think was that if you didn’t commit to the date, he would ask somebody else; and that fear of being replaced prompted you to agree to go.

It wasn’t until later that you realized a glaring problem: you couldn’t dance. Frankly, you weren’t comfortable doing the Cha Cha Slide, let alone performing an elegant ballroom dance– especially with an amazing dancer like Jongin as your partner and his equally talented best friend watching nearby.

Finding yourself in need of positive redirection, you texted one of your best friends for advice.

And as ridiculous as it sounded, you really believed that Yixing was going to appear and make all of your problems go away by teaching you how to dance. But after a few days passed without another word from him, you were forced to create another plan, so you talked to your friend Sonae– a choreographer– and she agreed to teach you the basics as long as you brought a partner.

You had to bring someone roughly Jongin’s size; your partner should require less training than you; and, most importantly, Sonae said, “Don’t bring Baekhyun if you’re sure you want to keep things quiet.”

As much as you loved Baekhyun and wanted to trust him with your secrets, you knew that he had a big mouth, so you didn’t argue with any of Sonae’s specifications. Her guidelines left you with only one person to ask for help.

“Give me one good reason why I should learn about ballroom dancing,” Sehun challenged when you asked him for help over lunch.

“You mean you need a reason other than helping me? And aside from the fact that I’m gonna pay for your lunch?” You rolled your eyes when Sehun nodded, and you took the opportunity to tease him. “My dancer friend, Sonae, is gonna teach us. Don’t you have the hots for her or something?”

“Don’t say ‘the hots.’ It makes you sound like Junmyeon,” Sehun’s voice was even despite the blush reddening even the tips of his ears. “And yeah, I think she’s a cute girl.”

“Well, she has a thing for dancers who help their friends,” you hummed before sipping your water.

The cogs were turning in Sehun’s mind. His eyebrows knit together as he asked, “Do you think she might go out with me if I go to your little dance practices?”

You happened to know that Sehun had to do very little to impress Sonae since she had been crushing on him for months. Rather than telling him outright, you just shrugged. “I dunno, maybe. No girl thinks less of a guy for being helpful.”

Perhaps recognizing that you were being manipulative, Sehun groaned, but he agreed, “Ugh, fine.” And he picked at his food for a while before saying, “But Jongin better not get mad at me. I hate how he acts when he’s jealous, and I don’t want him trying to fight me.”

“When have you ever known Jongin to be a fighter?” You laughed at the unrealistic image of the guy you had always known to be gentle having an altercation with anybody.

You couldn’t hear Sehun as he grumbled, “I guess you have no idea how much he likes you.”

And neither of you had any idea how sensual your dance would become. As if to test your obedience, Sonae kept assigning risque dance moves, each more erotic than the last.

While you glared at her, reluctant to touch Sehun even for the sake of a dance, Sehun complied with every order, no doubt, to impress Sonae. Finally fed up with the dance and how Sehun insisted upon making eye contact with your friend while holding you against his body, you said, “Okay– cut it out. How is this even ballroom dancing?”

Sonae giggled, “Don’t be so stiff, Y/N, art is supposed to be passionate.”

“Yeah,” Sehun teased. He tore his eyes away from her to look you in the eyes as he jested, “Just pretend I’m Jongin.”

And that only made your pulse quicken as you seethed, “You’re both disgusting.”

Just as you relaxed enough to resume practicing the most recent additions to the dance, Minseok and Baekhyun entered the room in a fit of giggles. Baekhyun said something along the lines of, “I wonder why Chanyeol was trying so hard to keep us out of here,” and their laughter quickly faded as they adjusted to the sight before them: you and Sehun pressed against one another.

While Minseok stuttered, “Um– I’m just here to get my snacks… I left them here earlier…” Baekhyun released a low whistle.

“Ya know, Y/N,” Baekhyun said, “I’m hurt that you didn’t tell me that you’ve moved on to Sehun.”

“I haven’t,” you corrected once you recovered from your shock and shrugged out of Sehun’s grasp. And when Baekhyun, Minseok, and even Sonae looked at you skeptically, you repeated more emphatically, “I haven’t!”

Sehun explained matter-of-factly, “I’m just helping her learn to ballroom dance for some date with Jongin.”

And as you swatted Sehun for casually declaring your personal business, Baekhyun clicked his tongue. “Man, ballroom dancing sure looks a lot different in person.”

“That’s pretty much exactly what I just said to these two!” You gestured to Sehun and Sonae and asked, “Why am I learning the sluttiest dance ever?”

Baekhyun answered, “So you can impress Jongin with your moves, obviously.”

Reddening once more, you rolled your eyes. “All of you are perverts except Minseok.” And following that humiliation of being caught dancing with Sehun, you prayed that nobody else would find out about your secret dance lessons.

Just a few nights later, Baekhyun woke you with a text.

You couldn’t foresee how Baekhyun’s late-night messages related to your dance classes until the next morning when you and Sonae arrived at the studio just in time to hear Chanyeol declare in a booming voice, “Jongin and Y/N aren’t official, so Sehun can like her if he wants! Jongdae does, and nobody says anything!”

Excluding Sehun, whose eyes were trained on his dead phone screen, all of the members of EXO gawked at you as you walked through the door. Even Jongin, who sat, sulking, stared at you with widened eyes.

Petrified by the tension in the room, you decided, “I’ll just come back later.”

Junmyeon said, “Actually, Y/N, maybe you should stay. We’re kind of here because of you, I think.”

Despite Junmyeon’s pleading, you tried to leave, and you might have succeeded if your friend hadn’t blocked the door and gently pushed you into the room. And while she practically skipped to sit between Sehun and Minseok, while she took some of the latter’s popcorn and stuffed it into her mouth, you reluctantly claimed the small space between Baekhyun and Kyungsoo.

You only avoided sitting by Jongin because you were too intimidated by his pout. However, you regretted your decision almost immediately when Kyungsoo glared at you and asked, “Did you show up to meet Sehun for one of your secret rendezvous?”

"Excuse me?“ You gasped. But when Kyungsoo ignored you, you turned your attention to Junmyeon. Your gaze shifted between him and the eerily silent Sehun as you asked, "What’s going on?”

"That’s what I’m trying to figure out,“ Junmyeon replied, his eyebrows gathering in confusion. "Last night, I found Jongin and Sehun pushing each other around in the kitchen.”

"What?“ Sensing that you wouldn’t receive any reason from Sehun, you glanced at Jongin, who seemed determined to look at anything but you. "Why?”

Kyungsoo snapped, “By now we all know you were sneaking around with Sehun, so you can stop acting oblivious!”

"Don’t yell at her,“ Jongin ordered, but he still didn’t look at you as he spoke.

Unnerved by the conflict, Minseok squeaked through a mouthful of popcorn, "I really think this is a misunderstanding.”

"Don’t be naive,“ Kyungsoo scolded before Minseok had even finished his sentence. He narrowed his eyes at the maknae as he claimed, "If this was a misunderstanding, Sehun would have denied it by now. All he’s done is complain about Junmyeon stealing his phone charger."

Provoked by Kyungsoo’s aggression, Sehun spoke at last. "If my phone charged at all last night, I could have told Y/N not to show up–”

Jongdae interrupted to ask calmly– no, curiously– “But why were you meeting at all?”

Having adopted the role of Sehun’s defender, Chanyeol crossed his arms and demanded, “Why does it matter? Even if Sehun wanted to make out in the studio–”

"Hey, seriously, guys,“ Junmyeon sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, "don’t misuse the agency’s facilities. Make out in your cars. Or in the dorm– but only if I’m not home.”

While you hid your face in your hands because you were mortified by the conversation, Jongdae glanced from you to Sehun and wondered aloud, “Wait, so were you meeting to make out?”

And Chanyeol began his speech once more: “They can if they want to–”

But Sehun interrupted to ask, “Chanyeol, do you really think I’d cheat with Jongin’s girl– regardless of whether they’re official or not?”

Chanyeol answered quietly as if he were trying to conceal his words from the rest of the group. “Dude, what was I supposed to think when I saw you dancing together like that?”

"So you thought I was cheating? And you covered up for me?“ You removed your hands from your face to watch Sehun’s eyebrows lower with each word.

"Well, duh,” Chanyeol nodded, “wouldn’t you do the same for me?”

Sehun ground his fist into the studio floor. “Of course not! If I thought you were a filthy cheater, I would tell everyone how disgusting you are!”

"Anyway,“ Junmyeon cut in gently, "Sehun, if you weren’t having an affair, why were you secretly meeting Y/N?”

Before Sehun could answer, Kyungsoo spat, “Don’t tell me you don’t believe they were up to something!”

Rather than assert his innocence, Sehun leaned forward and yelled, “Why the hell do you care so much, kiwi head? If I say it was an innocent meeting between friends, that should be enough for you!”

Bewildered, Kyungsoo repeated the insult, “Kiwi head?” But he quickly shook his head and explained, “I care so much because Jongin really likes Y/N. He likes her enough to ask me to write this.”

As if he had been waiting for the perfect opportunity to do so, Kyungsoo yanked a manuscript out of his backpack and tossed it into the center of the circle where everyone sat.

Baekhyun, who had been miraculously quiet, supporting you only by keeping an arm wrapped around you, reached for the papers and asked, “What’s this?”

"Jongin’s confession,“ Kyunsoo answered.

Jongdae eyed Jongin before shaking his head. "You had Kyungsoo write your confession? That should come from the heart!”

Jongin broke his silence to argue, “I didn’t ask him to write that! I just asked for advice on how to make things official with Y/N!”

And while Kyungsoo– offended by Jongin’s rejection of his handwritten confession– reached over you to snatch his work from Baekhyun’s hands, Sehun asked, “Okay, so why am I in trouble for allegedly liking Y/N– when I really, seriously, definitely don’t– while Jongdae is openly lusting after her?”

You weren’t even allowed time to process Jongdae’s recently revealed interest in you before Jongin replied stiffly, “I already knew Jongdae likes her, and I can’t control that. And it doesn’t bother me because he hasn’t touched her–”

Unbeknownst to Jongin, Jongdae leaned across Baekhyun’s lap to simply poke your knee and smile before he was shoved away by Baekhyun’s karate chops.

"It doesn’t matter whether we’re official or not. And it doesn’t matter what your intentions were. It hurt me to watch you dance with her like that when I haven’t yet.“

Sehun frowned at Jongin’s heartfelt explanation, but he still didn’t say that he was only trying to help you learn how to dance, so you spoke up.

You forced yourself to look at Jongin as you said, "I was just trying to learn how to dance for our date, and I was too embarrassed to ask you for help. I’m sorry I hurt you– I didn’t mean to.”

Jongin met your eyes, and you breathed a sigh of relief, but he stole your breath again when he skeptically said, “That didn’t look like any ballroom dancing I’ve ever seen, Y/N.”

His reluctance to believe you even when you told the truth caused a frown to pull at your lips, and you were certain that Baekhyun could hear you wheeze at the sudden heartache.

That was why, you assumed, Baekhyun tried to lighten the mood with a stupid joke. He pointed at Sehun and barked, “Yeah! You shouldn’t have been grinding on Y/N!”

"Grinding?“ Jongdae and Jongin repeated, although in entirely different tones.

Minseok turned to Sonae and remarked, "I don’t remember any grinding.”

Junmyeon sighed once more. “There better not have been any grinding!”

And nobody seemed convinced by your laughing denial that any grinding occurred, but that didn’t prevent you and Baekhyun from inappropriately laughing at the situation.

"I don’t know what to believe,“ Jongdae said, pressing his lips into a thin line, and he suggested, "I think you should show me the dance.”

"Yah!“ Kyungsoo yelled and threw the cap to his water bottle at Jongdae. "Try to control your lust for Y/N– it’s disgusting!”

Sonae finally admitted, “It’s my fault that the dance turned out so slutty.” Everyone must have forgotten she was there because suddenly all eyes were on her and the room was uncomfortably quiet. She continued, “I thought Sehun had a thing for Y/N, and I was trying to see how much he liked her. I didn’t expect him to actually do all that choreography.”

While you glared at Sonae and considered throwing Kyunsoo’s empty water bottle at her, Sehun declared, “Well, the way I see it, I’m the real victim here!” And after the ensuing outrage died down, Sehun elaborated, “All of you accused me of being a cheater, Jongin pushed me and hurt my feelings, my phone is dead because Junmyeon stole my charger, I was tricked into dancing like a slut with Y/N, and all because I wanted to impress her friend!”

And although Sehun was embarrassed about admitting to his crush, the energy in the room changed instantly as Jongin anti-climactically said, “Oh.”

After a few minutes passed in awkward silence, Junmyeon said, “Anyway– I guess that means matters are resolved? And everyone owes everyone an apology– except you, Minseok, you’re an angel– keep doing what you’re doing.”

As everyone mumbled their apologies, Baekhyun demanded, “Yah! What did I do wrong?”

"You lied and said Sehun was grinding on Y/N which embarrassed her, hurt Jongin, tarnished Sehun’s reputation, encouraged Jongdae’s inappropriate infatuation, and ruined my brain a little bit,“ Junmyeon explained flatly.

Before Baekhyun could argue, Yixing walked into the studio. Judging from the luggage he was carrying, Yixing arrived straight from the airport. "Oh, hey guys,” he smiled at the other members of EXO before asking you, “Are you ready to dance?”

"What are you doing here?“ Minseok asked before throwing his arms around Yixing.

"Y/N said she needed to learn ballroom dancing.”

Sehun asked, “So you dropped everything and flew all the way here?” He laughed although he didn’t look very amused, and he said to Jongin, “I swear, I’m the only person here who doesn’t seem to like Y/N too much, yet I was almost burned at the stake!”

BONUS SCENE:

Sometime after Kyungsoo formally apologized once more for how he spoke to you, and after you and Jongin agreed that it would be best to start dating exclusively, Yixing encouraged you and Sehun to dance.

"Show me what you learned so I know where to begin,“ he instructed warmly.

After receiving Jongin’s blessing, Sonae played the song on her phone and counted for you to begin.

And despite Junmyeon’s laughter, Kyungsoo’s polite applause, Minseok’s light giggles, Chanyeol’s booming claps, Baekhyun’s whistling, Jongin’s quiet cheers, and Jongdae’s not-so-quiet cheers, Yixing ended the dance prematurely.

Midway through, he begged, "Please, God, save my eyes! Y/N, forget everything you’ve learned!"

But you noticed Jongin mouth, "Don’t forget.”

103 notes · View notes

thewaterisblackwithvenom · 5 years

Text

My initial impression of Kieran was that he was an anxious, weak nerved kiss-up. I mean he doesn’t make any attempt to fight back when Arthur captures him, even if he stands there and does nothing. Dude’s got a gun. Makes zero attempt to go for it. My initial thoughts was he was too cowardly to even fight back, when in reality Arthur was running for him with a lasso. His hands are literally full. Who Arthur is doesn’t really matter; he doesn’t have a weapon drawn and is clearly trying to take him alive. Unless he’s a massively terrible shot, he could’ve easily shot Arthur. Clearly he’s more afraid of what Colm will due to him than just dying(which makes sense, especially with how he went out : )))) ), so it really would’ve been in his best interest to die trying to kill Arthur instead of being captured, most likely killed, and most likely tortured beforehand. Far as I can figure, reasons for just surrendering would’ve been

Fear (logical, but with his biggest fear being whatever Colm would do to him, doesn’t seem as likely, even if he was straight up panicking)

Pacifism (not saying he’s a pacifist, but he’s definitely not a fighter by nature, despite his will to live)

Once he’s captured, he holds out for about a month in sh*t conditions. He breaks once they turn their violent attention to him, but even then he still tried to hold out. The only reason I can think of why he wouldn’t just talk is fear of what Colm would do to him if he made it out alive. If he was scared that the Van Der Lindes would kill him after he talked, he could’ve stayed quiet longer, I guess, though really who could hold out when you’re being threatened with castration lmao.

After the fact, I expect my initial impression to be right. It wasn’t. I mean, I was 100% right about him being a genuinely nice person, not exactly cut out for outlaw life, and not a rat or weaselly person. Things I were wrong about were his general demeanor.

He’s a naturally positive and friendly person. Despite being constantly picked on and flat out threatened, he’ll even greet Sadie(who is probably most likely to kill him in the beginning, let’s be honest) with a level of confidence I didn’t expect. He doesn’t slink around her with his head down, but is 100% aware that she hates him, and I’ve never heard him try to change that. He’ll greet her, but goes out of his way to let her know that “I’m here and realize that you hate me so I’m giving you space”. Anyone else who calls him “O’Driscoll”, he’ll get upset and correct them. Sadie straight up tells him to die and he doesn’t say boo. I love that he is aware of her pain and doesn’t try to change her feelings about him just so he can sleep better at night. He plays the long game; respecting her boundaries, and not giving her any other reasons to hate him, hoping that someday she’ll maybe at least not despise him for just being connected to her enemies in the past. He could b*tch and moan about how he had nothing to do with Jake’s murder; he wasn’t there, he didn’t pull the trigger, and he didn’t want that to happen. He really is innocent. But he leaves that and her the f*ck alone, the only contact he initiates is just general politeness. She makes real threats, and he has ever reason to believe her, but he still has the balls to not cower around her. If anyone else in the gang makes any kind of “O’Driscoll” comment, he gets genuinely irritated and corrects them, even if it’s hopeless. Not just the women, who(save for Sadie and Mrs. Grimshaw) aren’t a threat. But he’ll get upset and snap back at Arthur and Javier that he’s not an O’Driscoll. I don’t believe for a second that Kieran thinks he could beat either of them in a fight. He’s not a fighter, and he’s also not stupid. He’s survived about half his life being beaten around. The reason he’s survived could be luck, but also him knowing how far he can press his luck with very dangerous people. I used to find it amusing in the beginning when he’d snap back, because like. Lmao, you really wanna get upset with Arthur? Seriously? Dude. Don’t go there.

He stands up for himself, and is confident enough in himself to be as bold as to say to Arthur’s face, that he’s not a bad person, and that’ll he’ll warm to him eventually. That also caught me off guard, because I was under the general assumption “god this kid is me. anxious af, doesn’t like people, just likes horses”. I projected far too much lmao, because despite him feeling more comfortable with horses, he’s pretty outgoing, in a confident way. If people are just indifferent to him, he has no problem going out of his way to greet people with confidence. When he’s being bullied, he’s ballsy enough to stand up for himself, and when people are genuinely nice to him, he’ll show signs of being flustered/anxious, likely due to the fact he probably has very little experience with kindness. Whatever kindness he experienced outside family was most likely fake and extremely conditional. He never made any comments about having relationships of any kind with anyone. His life has been about survival. He knows how to not press his luck with the wrong people, knows basic social manners(how to be friendly without being overbearing, how to give people space, and even when he helped Molly out of the stagecoach), but I feel like he has the least experience in healthy relationships. Relationships where someone is actually nice to him. That’s also why I’m 1,000% peeved that we didn’t really get to befriend him. Watching him come out of his shell more was so nice. Save for his massive guilt about Jack(which wasn’t even his fault anyway), he was finally starting to feel like he belonged there. Sh*t hurts man.

I think the thing that caught me most off guard was his level of confidence that you really get to see in his fishing side mission.

Arthur says that he’s(Arthur) not that great a fisherman, and Kieran, not missing a beat, comes back with “But I am! *laughs* I’ll teach you something.”, all of which happens seconds after Kieran is done straight up mocking Arthur’s teasing of him. If I hadn’t spent 5,000 years wandering around camp, and getting to see everyone’s personalities that you’d miss if you flew through story mode, that mission would’ve made my head spin. If your impression of Kieran is “soft scared horse boy”, there’s so much that happens in like, a minute that’d throw you off.

Arthur asks Kieran if he’s going fishing

Kieran, likely caught off guard by someone going out of their way to interact with him in a non-hostile way, says yes

Arthur, incapable of just being nice to him follows up with a threatening tone “... or running back to Colm O’Driscoll?”, bc f*ck this guy actually knowing I’m starting to warm up to him, I have to be a Big Tough Outlaw bc I am a Bad Man

Kieran, irritated and a bit nervous now, snaps back that of course he’s not

Arthur responds by bumping his fist against Kieran’s shoulder/chest, gives an amused chuckle, and responds with “pffft, I’m just joking w/ u lol relax” (I love this interaction because it really shows, at least to me, that Arthur is genuinely starting to like Kieran. instead of continuing along the lines of “watch yourself”, his tone and body language gestures that “I don’t mean it, I’m just messing with you”. Even if he’s still being an *ss, it’s not like his previous interactions. The playful physical contact, non-menacing laugh, and “I’m just kidding w/ u” comment are all friendly gestures. He wouldn’t do any of those if he actually didn’t like Kieran. Arthur’s not a touchy-feely “I’ll fake like I’m your friend so I can slit your throat later” kind of person)

Kieran’s nervousness instantly melts away and he responds with “wow. ur so funny. hah hah. rlly had me goin there. ur hilaaaaarious.” he’s 100% done and just rolls his eyes at this point.

Arthur just goes “shut up”, and I love the way he says it this time bc he’s more like. Offended/irritated that he’s being sassed instead of actually meaning “shut up or else”. He’s all “>:((( shut up brat” and it’s cute lmao.

Not two seconds after Arthur tells Kieran to shut up, he absolutely doesn’t and invites him fishing. Like, a genuine “hey wanna go fishing?” and not like, a “desperate for your approval, please give me more opportunities to prove myself to you”.

Arthur says he’s not a great fisherman, and Kieran responds with “Yeah but I am!”, laughs, and says he can teach Arthur something. I found this part super fascinating, because as someone with severe anxiety, my response would’ve been totally different. I’m confident in a few areas; I know what I’m good at, and what I’d be semi-competent at teaching people, but if someone-- especially someone higher on the social ladder than I am-- said that they weren’t good at something, that I was really good at, I always try and downplay things so as not to make the other person feel like they’re lesser than me. I like to think my art skills are decent, so if that kind of situation came up “I’m not a great artist”, my response would be more like “Heh neither am I, but I know some tricks that have made things a lot easier. I can show them to you!” Kieran straight up told Arthur Morgan that he’s a great fisherman, and could teach Arthur something. Former O’Driscoll, teaching Dutch’s right hand man something. That was a cocky move, even if it’s true. I love that he has the confidence to flat out say that without even backpedaling. Kid knows his worth and isn’t afraid to just blurt it out.

Arthur responds with a friendly “Sure”. Not like an “yeah alright fine”, but more like how he responds to people who considers friends. Come to think of it, other than certain instances where Kieran pushes his luck here, Arthur is friendlier/less hostile and grumpy with Kieran than he is with Sean lmao. Granted, Sean is uhhh, overbearing and obnoxious, but Arthur sees him as a younger sibling, not an ex-O’Driscoll.

On their way to the beach, Kieran brings up past vs present. “who would’ve thought we’d be going fishing together when it wasn’t that long ago that I was tied up on the back of your horse begging for mercy?” He says it with such a light hearted tone like it wasn’t even a big deal. He could’ve died from dehydration/starvation/the cold, and he’s literally like “isn’t life funny?” Don’t know whether to be impressed that it didn’t leave him with serious trauma and resentment or said that maybe he doesn’t see it as that big a deal because he’s had worse. Either way, the way he says it is interesting to me.

Ofc Arthur has to remind him “how do you know I’m not dragging you away from camp to kill you?” bc again, can’t let this kid know I’m actually starting to like him. He Must Know that I am a Big Bad Threat. “..because I saved your life” “ya and every day I don’t kill you I’m saving yours” “you don’t mean that” “yes I do I am Serious so shut it” Kieran knows Arthur well enough that while the threat is still a touch unnerving, he has the guts to point out that he doesn’t mean it. he knows Arthur well at this point, and despite the slight possibility he might actually mean that, he choses to believe it’s just Arthur being... Arthur.

Throughout the trip, Kieran opens up about camp life and his past, and in general Arthur doesn’t have anything that nice to say. Arthur’s genuinely a nice person, but I wouldn’t call him “soft”, so that doesn't’ surprise me. Despite this, he’s not exactly mean to Kieran like he used to be. He’s not remotely sympathetic, but at the same time he wouldn’t be for really anyone else, either. Maybe the women bc women, but. However, towards the end, when Kieran talks about losing his family and being on his own since then, Arthur does comment along the lines of “well, look at it this way, you’ll never be alone again”. I could be misinterpreting it, but I think that’s Arthur’s way of saying “you’re one of us now”. Can’t really say anything nice to him or show sympathy, but “you’ll never be alone again” could’ve been his way of trying to comfort him in an offhand sort of way.

Not what Arthur meant, but I couldn’t help but laugh when Kieran was like “do you think Dutch trusts me now?” me and Arthur both laughed, sad thing is I laughed bc I’m like “yo Dutch don’t even trust Arthur lmaooo, shoot for something actually obtainable Kieran”

This is already five pages longer than I intended it to be lmao, but literally my entire point is that my impression of Kieran had been that he was a soft, nervy person with low self confidence. The way I see it, all the evidence proves that he’s a lot more than a lot of people give him credit for.

He is a sweetheart by nature; I really don’t think there’s a mean bone in his body. He’ll stick up for himself and get irritated, but I can’t think of a single instance where he did or said anything mean-spirited. He’s helpful for the sake of being helpful, and is grateful for any actual kindness shown to him. He grows to genuinely care about the gang’s overall well being, and goes so far as to flat out state he’d give his life for Jack’s if he could, despite Jack being a brat to him in the beginning. But despite the fact that he’s a kind hearted individual, he will stand up for himself, and if the follower glitch dialog is accurate, he will engage in combat if he has to. A lot of his dialog is pretty snarky too, which I thought was interesting. I thought he’d be a lot more jumpy and nervous during a shootout, but again I was wrong. To me all evidence points to his anxiety/nervousness all being circumstantial. It really only presents itself when his safety is actively being threatened, and in foreign situations(people going out of their way to be friendly to him; catches him off guard). So yeah, I think you could technically call him an anxious person and it be somewhat accurate, but he’s not anxious like people today are. His anxiety isn’t “across a broad range of circumstances”, as are anxiety disorders. I think it’s more accurate to say that Kieran is a pretty self confident, moderately outgoing person with a bright personality, despite the sh*t he’s been and still going through. And that’s what I love about him.

I started out feeling bad for him, with a touch of amusement, just for the fact that I really did pity him. He just seemed like such an unfortunate person. I felt really bad having to bring him in, because my general impression was that he’s really not meant for the outlaw life and was probably a nice person. Hated having to bring him in, but having read his bio before playing the game, I was at least relived that his position as part of the gang meant that me bringing him in wasn’t going to result in having to be the cause of his demise. Him being tied up for weeks made me feel really bad since I couldn’t do sh*t to help him out any, because Arthur didn’t give a damn. Poor thing didn’t even have shelter when it rained in 40℉ weather, and didn’t even have his coat on. Once he was free to move around, I was a bit surprised at how confident he was in greeting Arthur. Save for Tilly, in my game, Kieran greets Arthur more than anyone else in camp. Always bright and cheery. Seeing as how I spent most of my time in camp on the outskirts doing chores(see also: avoiding Dutch lmao), running into Kieran a lot was unavoidable, especially because Arthur’s morning routine is cooking breakfast by the campfire. Eeeevery morning, there’s Kieran. Literally can tell what hour it is by where Kieran is and what he’s doing, and vice versa. If it’s 2pm, I know exactly where Kieran is. With how much time I spent at camp, it didn’t take any time at all before I was very familiar with him. I never had any negative feelings or suspicion towards him, but other than our shared fondness for horses, I had no real reason to like him(pity isn’t exactly a reason to like someone after all). But I grew fond of him so quickly ever since dragging him down from Colter, especially after he saved Arthur. He was brave enough to stick up for himself, brave enough to risk his life saving Arthur, and brave enough to state that he’s “one of you now”. He does more than his fair share of chores every day, stays out of everyone’s way, and remains bright and friendly despite his sh*t circumstances. Oh and he loves horses. Those are the reasons I grew attached to him, and still am. I thought he was just 1889 me, but now I realize he’s a lot of what I wish I was. I love his confidence, despite the fact that he has no one backing him up. Ever. I have supportive people backing me, and yet if someone says sh*t to my face it’s going to make me seriously question my worth. Kieran Duffy fights back anxiety, plants his feet and defends himself. I’m f*cking proud of that boy.

Oh my GOD this is embarrassingly long lmao, but I f*cking love Kieran Duffy with all my heart and I feel like so many overlook how strong he actually is. He’s not an ~anxious soft boy~. He’s sweet, and kind, hard working and self reliant, open and honest, confident and snarky, and is just overall such a lovable, wonderful person. He’s not a weak little snitch, nor a skittish people-pleaser. He wants to be liked for who he is, and while he’s always trying to prove himself, he plays the long game and lets that happen naturally. He’s not a boot licker like Micah. I hate that a lot of the gang gave him such constant sh*t, and that despite the fact no one liked him, Micah was treated like “one of the gang”, when he said so much sh*t. Motherf*cker made comments about throwing out the women since they were “dead weight who you can’t even f*ck”, and older “less useful” members like Uncle and Swanson. Meanwhile Kieran works himself to death on a daily basis, but all the Big Men of camp pretty much hold his past over him constantly, despite the fact that he didn’t have a choice, and wasn’t even really part of the gang. It’s just really sh*tty and I hate it lmao.

I’m going to shut up now and pray to GOD this doesn’t make it into the tags or so help me I’ll tag it later lmao.

#seriously I literally just like analyzing things to death if it's something that I'm into #I have a blog so I can scream into the void #not so I have a crowd to preach to #I'm not a content creator!! I am just a loser with a lot of thoughts!! I like to yell about things I love!! and in this case!!#that thing is Kieran Duffy!!#this isn't even good compared to what I usually make but it's been ages so I guess I should be nice to myself #but yeah holy sh*t #I love him sm #he deserves so much better #in game and by people in general lmao #his tag can be such a sh*t show I don't like my stuff showing up there #let me love him in peace #n e ways #Shut up V #Studies #Kieran Duffy #tumblr I swear on me mum don't you throw this into the tags #idc if people read it and like it just to be clear #if that happens cool w/e #I just don't. like throwing things out there/into tags #anything that like. advertises it #I like having that choice #and my emotions towards one of my fav characters #is not something I just wanna throw into the hellhole that's his tag lol #sometimes there's a lot of good stuff in there other times. eck

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jedilegacied · 4 years

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What if I want the entire OTP thing for Jaina/Jag?

who in your otp:

drives when they go on road trips? do they switch at the halfway point? does one drive there and the other drive back?

Jaina prefers to be in the pilot's seat as much as possible when they travel but she will let him share the duty on long trips.

looks over the menu for fifteen minutes before ordering the same thing they order EVERYWHERE they go? does the other half of your ship get annoyed by this, or do they find it endearing

I think they both are willing to try new things but if one has a regular it might be Jag, since I can see him being the type who knows what he likes at a particular restaurant and defaulting to it when he’s busy thinking about other things.

is more likely to get arrested?

Oh, it’s absolutely Jaina. 100%. She’s the one who might start a fight or break a law.

is afraid of rollercoasters? does the other half of your ship try and convince them to face the fear, or do they take a softer approach and not push them at all?

I don’t think either one is scared of that sort of thing. Too many years piloting fighters in wars for a thrill ride to genuinely scare them.

shows up at home with a dog unannounced despite the fact they’ve already got three/four/however many pets?

If it was one of them, it would probably be Jaina simply because she’s the more impulsive one but she knows she has too much going on for pets, and so does he, so realistically neither one is likely to do this.

demands that they do date night? does the other person complain or do they go with it just to see the excited look on their partners face?

Hmmm, 50/50 split here because there are times that each of them gets caught up in whatever is happening in life at the moment and forgets to take time for themselves, so the other one might ask for a date night together to break that routine.Neither one complains though. They are both usually more than happy for a reason to spend time together.

is the clumsy one whose always tripping up flights of stairs or over their own feet? does it stress the other half of your ship out or do they find it hilarious?

They’re both pretty graceful, but Jaina has the Force to help her there. He might be the one more likely to simply because she has that advantage, but if she didn’t she would 100% be the one tripping over her own feet. It definitely doesn’t stress them out, I could easily see him getting a laugh out of the rare occasions she stumbles and vice versa.

picks the music when they’re in the car? does the other complain about their taste in music?

Jaina picks, both because I can see him being the type who doesn’t need the background noise and because he’s happy to make her happy with small things like that.

insists on paying for everything when they’re out? do they fight about it?

Generally, he does, but by now they're married so it’s mutual funds for them as a couple, I’m sure. Jaina doesn’t complain though. She generally doesn’t carry a lot of credits on her because... Jedi.

is the one to quietly suggest they get high together for the first time? how does the other half of your ship react?

I honestly can’t see either of them getting high casually? TBH if anyone it was probably Zekk, and half as a joke, suggesting that they both need to relax lol.

is secretly terrified of horror movies and yet watches them all the time bc its something the other half of your ship loves?

Jaina’s probably the one secretly sacred (or more made anxious, really) by those kinds of things. I don’t know that he’d LOVE them though, doens’t seem his style.

CUT FOR LONG POST

talks in their sleep? does their partner record it and call them out, or not tell them and keep it as a secret so they can keep enjoying it?

Jaina, though rarely, and usually if she’s talking in her sleep its because she’s having a bad dream so he doesn't record it to tease her with later, but tries to comfort her. On the occasions that she’s saying cute things because she had a good dream he probably keeps it to himself as a secret enjoyment.

brings up the conversation of marriage + babies? how does the conversation go?

Jag definitely brought up both first, and not because she wasn’t into it but because he just tends to say what he’s thinking about those sorts of things when he’s sure about what he wants. Both went reasonably well. She was surprised but more than happy to venture into both of those things with him.

has to pull the other back by their back of their sweater when they try and do something stupid in public?

100% Jaina lol. More times than either of them would like to admit.

is more likely to pick the other up from the airport with an obnoxiously large cardboard sign? what does the sign say?

Also Jaina, with very silly, mushy messages about how long he’s been gone on them.

tries to cook a meal and accidentally almost burns the house down?

Maybe Jaina? She CAN cook, btu she’s not incredible at it and can get distracted by things, whereas he’s more disciplined and is less likely to forget something is on the stove.

deliberately makes a squeaky chair squeak until the other person flips out?

Jaina, when she wants hs attention, and before they were married. This is teens/early 20′s Jaina in a big way when he is working too hard and she wants him to stop and come to be with her.

falls asleep no matter what position they’re in + needs to be carried to bed?

Jaina, though honestly, wartime taught them both to pretty much fall asleep anywhere they could get a quick rest in. She just never really turned that habit off when wars ended and will still sometimes crash in whatever chair she’s sitting in or what have you and he’s good enough to pick her up and put her in bed if he can without waking her.

is the little spoon when they cuddle?

Either. Easier for it to be Jaina of course, but she’s not above wrapping her tiny self around him if he happens to have his back to her in bed. But mostly it’s her, because she likes to snuggle in against his chest and have his warmth surrounding her.

hates thunderstorms and needs to be comforted for the duration?

Neither, tbh she kind of loves them.

brings the other breakfast in bed? is it a proper cooked breakfast - or just an old muffin?

Either! Jaina is probably more the type to go get muffins and bring them t him in bed with his caf, and he’s probably more the type to dedicate some time to cooking for her, but she isn’t huge on breakfast so she’d be equally happy with caf and a muffin herself.

convinces the other to go on a hike? do they love it, or are they absolutely miserable?

Weirdly this is apparently Jaina, if their honeymoon is any indication. But she had a goal in mind. If it’s more for casual exercise I can see it being Jag more often. I think she likes the excuse for them to spend time together more than the actual act of hiking and it’s probably the same for him.

can never admit they’re wrong?

Absolutely Jaina. She’s stubborn and likes to stick to her guns too long when she’s wrong.

lets the dog sleep on the bed when the other isn’t paying attention?

I don’t know if either of them would?? Jaina doesn’t want to have to clean the sheets and Jag is probably too disciplined to let a pet run wild over the house.

uses emojis in replace of words? does it drive the other person insane?

Jaina, maybe, and definitely ironically and for the purpose of making him shake his head at her, which he does but probably also secretly finds it cute.

who decorates their house? does the other come home and blink at all the pastel pink and force a smile despite how much they hate it?

I think he would let Jaina decorate, though neither of them is likely to fill the house with pink or ornate things etc. They both have a reasonably minimal aesthetic

is more likely to get into a fight to defend the other?

Battle couple so... both. Jaina’s more likely to initiate it though, whereas Jag probably mostly jumps in to defend after it’s started.

is constantly spewing random facts about absolutely anything and everything? does it annoy the other person or do they find it all interesting?

Mmmm, that’s Jag, probably talking about military strategy lol. Probably Thrawn. Jaina doesn’t particualrly share the interest but she does find his enthusiasm endearing so she supports it.

is the lovey dovey drunk?

For sure Jaina is a lovey drunk, but I can also see him being a soft drunk, wanting to snuggle with her and stuff. But Jaina definitely is.

laughs at their own jokes? does the other laugh at the joke… or at their partner?

Jaina again, and he definitely smiles along.

is competitive about EVERYTHING?

Both. They like to challenge one another and always have since they were kids.

apologises first when they have a fight?

Even split again. Maybe leans a bit in Jag’s favor only because Jaina is a little more stubborn, but she’s also tired of wasting time on arguments about things that don’t matter really.

makes the other a flower crown? does the other wear it without complaint or beg not to be embarrassed?

Somehow I can’t see either one making a flower crown???

is more likely to put their fist through a wall when they’re angry?

Jaina. She’s the spitfire.

sends the other memes despite the fact they’re laying in bed next to each other?

Jaina. SHe probably got that from years of Jacen’s bad jokes.

wears the others clothes the most?

He couldn’t fit in her clothes if he tried, but she steals his all the damn time.

pranks the other on a near constant basis? how does the other react?

I don’t think either is prone to pranking the other honestly.

comes up with obnoxiously sappy pet names for the other just to watch them roll their eyes?

Oh, I can see this being both of them, trying to see if they can get the other one to make a face about it, kind of a game and challenge.

forgets their anniversary?

Neither. Jaina maybe would be the more likely but she will never allow herself to and he’s too organized to miss a big date like that.

is impulsive and makes big choices for them without stopping to think through what it all means?

Jaina, absolutely. He’s regimented and thinks things through before he acts and Jaina runs on pure instinct half the time. She tries not to make life-changing decisions without him though because they are partners and that’s a shitty thing to do to someone you love.

writes cute messages for the other on the bathroom mirror when they have a shower?

Aww I wanna say Jaina but actually... maybe Jag? Just because his sweetness is subtle like that and on the rare occasion they aren’t in the sanisteam together I can see it...

has to do the dishes because the other gags any time they stick thier hands in the water?

Why do I feel like Jaina is the one grossed out by dirty sink water???

jumps into the pool without testing the temperature, and who dips their toes in first?

Jaina jumps, Jag looks before he leaps. This is literally their entire personality in one question lol.

tries to kill bugs in the house… and which one stops them and gets the bug out of the house alive and well?

I’d imagine both might equally be willing to bug kill if needed, but Jaina has probably started to shoo them outside when she can since the whole Dark Nest bs. Feels a little wrong killing bugs now.

can speak a second/third/forth language and uses it to annoy the other when they’re fighting?

Both speak more than one, but I think Jaina speaks more than he does and probably does occasionally pester him with that skill.

says i love you first? does the other immediately say it back?

He said it first because, again, when he knows he feels something he doesn’t hide it. She did say it back though, even if she was much more nervous about declaring such a thing.

wins when they arm wrestle?

If it’s purely a muscle contest Jag wins, but Jaina has the Force, so...

gets caught singing some old, corny one direction song to themselves?

Either one maybe, but I love the idea of Jag occasionally singing some song from the holos when he was a kid idly every once in a while and Jaina sitting back and listening with a grin on her face but never pointing out that he does it so he can’t learn to stop himself.

is forever forcing the other to take selfies with them? does the other person complain every time?

MMMM neither feels like a selfie person to me? They get too many pictures taken by the press lol

shows up at the others house with chinese food + a six pack of beer when they’re having a bad day?

Considering ‘Chinese food and beer” that reads like Jaina. But he’d do it for her, just with probably more refined choices lol.

sends the cheesy good morning/night texts?

They both do.

can never admit that they were wrong?

They both are pretty stubborn but this is more Jaina probably. He’s more willing to admit if he wasn’t right.

suggests they send out a christmas card together? does the other go for it, or question when they turned into old people?

I feel like he’d be the one to suggest it, because it’s a sort of formal thing to do at the holiday season and would be polite to send to mutual connections. Jaina goes with it, but with some teasing.

is a morning person and who pulls the covers up over their head and begs for five more minutes?

He’s more the morning person. Jaina would stay in bed if she could.

is constantly insisting they won’t need a jacket before they go out… and then has to steal the others when they get cold?

Also Jaina, lbr

is a smoker and has to deal with the other forever showing them gross photos to try and convince them to quit?

Neither.

decides they need to go on a health binge and throws out all the sugary food in the house? how does the other react?

If anyone did it would be Jag, but I think they both like their little vices.

holds all the important documents when they’re travelling? why?

Jag probably, simply because he’s the better organized of the two.

hates flying? how does the other help them relax before/during/after a flight?

They both love flying, but Jaina doesn’t love being a passenger in flight.

is more likely to suggest a lil fool around in the bathrooms at a club? how does the other react?

Oooooo, this is both of them at varying times. Jaina’s more blunt about suggesting it but he’s just as likely to pull her away.

plans a night of boardgames for date night, and who plans a romantic dinner at a fancy restaurant?

Jaina probably leans towards the boardgames slightly, and Jag towards the romantic dinner? But this is pretty switachable I think.

cries watching the news?

Neither. Jag mostly takes the news with a straight face, and if there’s an emotional reaction it’s probably Jaina yelling at them about how they’re idiots.

teases the other one for having a crush on them… despite the fact they’ve been dating for a year?

Both. Absolutely both.

belives in aliens?

I mean... it’s Star Wars. Aliens exist lol

is constantly leaving the lights on in every room in the house?

Probably Jaina, though not often.

rocks the seat on the ferris wheel?

Who is the reckless one here? Oh, right, it’s Jaina.

is a terrible liar?

Neither one is good tbh. Jag’s good at diplomatic speech though, where Jaina just doesn’t bother trying to hide what she means to say. But she can lie if she has to, to anyone else. Jag can see through her.

is always reading the other their star sign despite the fact they don’t believe in any of it?

MM he’s not the type to and she couldn’t care less about that.

who panics when mecury goes into retrograde?

Neither

insists they watch documentaries to broaden their knowledge?

This is Jag, lrbh.

is constantly renovating part of their house but not finishing one thing before moving on to the next?

Jaina, maybe. Three projects going at once.

uses all the hot water?

Her probably, but rarely.

is the shower person? whose the bath person?

They both probably default to showers but Jaina does LIKE a bath if she can get one.

is most likely to be unfaithful?

No no no look neither of them would cheat, sorry

bonus questions:

what is your otps song?

Up in our bedroom after the war - Stars

do their families approve of the relationship? why/why not?

Generally yes. They’ve had 20 years to get used to the idea by now. They two work together in ways they don’t with other people and there’s no denying it after all this time.

whose friends do they hang out with more?

I feel like they have a very small group of friends and a lot of cross over at this stage in life and that’s who they spend their time with, so it’s neither her friends nor his, but THEIRS. Also a lot of them were her friends first probably, but he’s come to be friends with them too?

what do they do on their first date? did they have a first date, or did they just sort of… start dating?

They were definitely the just “start dating” pair. It’s hard to have a first date mid-war. Their early dates consisted of meals in the private Twin Suns mess when the other pilots weren’t there and freeing up time to spend on one of their quarters.

what is their favorite way to spend the holidays? do they go to one of their families houses? or do they create their own tradition by staying in bed listening to christmas music and getting drunk?

Jaina annoyingly decorates and puts on Lifeday music a little too early, they visit both families if they can, because it’s one of the rare times they’re all able to spare some time to.

what do they name their dog? do the give it a super boring name like allen - or do they name it something like bubblegum princess?

They don’t get enough time for pets, but I feel like they would give one a silly name if they had one.

how do they handle emergencies? does one of them crack under the pressure - or do they bicker because they both need to be in control?

They work exceedingly well in a crisis, having had plenty of life or death situations together by now. They fall into a routine of letting the one with more knowledge take the lead and dealing with it quickly and efficiently.

how did they meet? were they immediately drawn to each other?

Mid war, surprise surprise. They were definitely both immediately drawn together and have always been, like magnets. They had a little sassy rivalry at first but pretty immediately were interested in one another.

what do they fight about the most? how do they resolve their fights?

Hmm, probably about work things, and they’ve come to the agreement that if it’s a serious matter they just drop it because their duties will sometimes conflict and they have to make things work for them despite that. Usually, they just concede and give in to cuddling together instead of talking about the thing that is currently not meshing.

#dutyanddurasteel #Anonymous #holomessages : answered

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