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fdelopera · 5 months

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Exposing an Antisemitic Conspiracy Theory from TikTok

If I see one more Jew-hating idiot with TikTok brainrot saying shit like, "the Palestinians are descended from the ancient Philistines from the Bible lolol"...

You Jew-haters are exhaustingly stupid. And in this post, I'm going to show you why.

As I said in my post yesterday, there are some really bad actors (both in the conspiracy sense, and in the literal "drama" sense) on TikTok who are trying to erase Jewish history by spreading conspiracy theories that somehow Philistines and Palestinians are "the same".

These idiots are doing this so they can claim that "Jesus was a Palestinian/Philistine."

It gives me a headache even to write something as stupid as that.

No, ya dumb-dumbs. Jesus was not a Philistine. Jesus was a Judaean Jew. He was from Bethlehem. In Judaea.

You know, Judaea. The place where the Jews are from.

It is actually really offensive to a lot of Christians to claim that "Jesus was a Philistine" like this. If you've never read the Bible (and I'm guessing none of these TikTokers have), calling someone a "Philistine" is an insult. In common use, it means an uncultured or crass person.

In Hebrew, the word for Philistine is "Peleshet (Plishtim, plural)". It is related to the Hebrew word, "Polesh". Polesh in Hebrew means "invader".

So by calling Jesus a Philistine, you're calling him an uncultured invader.

And I am here, as a Jew, telling you to stop insulting Jesus like this!

Now, saying "Jesus was the same as modern day Palestinians" is also unhistorical.

The region was called Judaea when Jesus was alive. So he was a Judaean Jew.

It would be just as unhistorical to say, "Jesus was a modern-day Israeli".

So, why are antisemites spouting this bullshit?

Unfortunately, these Jew-haters think they're "protecting" the Arab Palestinians by spreading conspiracy theories and lies about Jewish history.

They think they're making a "case" for Arab Palestinian indigeneity in Judea by telling these lies.

Because Arabs aren't indigenous to Judea.

And let me tell you, Tumblrinies who went to the Tumblr school of world history are even trying to rewrite Arab history! Some of them have even tried to tell me, "but Canaanites were Arabs lolol!"

Do you want me to show you a map?? No, dumb-dumbs. Canaanites were NOT Arabs. Canaanites are the ancestors of the Jewish People. Not the ancestors of Arabs.

Arabs come from the Arabian Peninsula.

OMG do you guys not even study geography anymore??

These Jew-hating idiots are literally willing to try to rewrite the history of the Arabian Peninsula just so they can fuck with Jewish people. You antisemites are absolutely unhinged!!

Okay, deep breath.

Here's the other thing. Our educational system is broken. And people don't study history (clearly).

Because if they did study history, they would realize that attaching Jesus to the Philistines doesn't confer ANY indigeneity to the Palestinian people.

(G-d, you conspiracy theory idiots are so dumb!!)

Because, you see, the Philistines were GREEK!!

They weren't indigenous to the Levant AT ALL!!

So in claiming that the Palestinians are the "same as" the Philistines, you have actually WEAKENED the case for Palestinian indigeneity!

And none of this matters!

YES, the Jewish people ARE indigenous to Judea.

And NO the Palestinian Arabs are NOT.

BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER.

IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT ARABS ARE NOT INDIGENOUS TO JUDEA.

BECAUSE THE PALESTINIAN PEOPLE DESERVE HUMAN RIGHTS AND SELF-DETERMINATION NO MATTER WHAT!!!

Do you see what spreading conspiracy theories and lies about Jewish history does? All it does is make you look like FOOLS, and it HURTS the Palestinian people!!!

And YES, these conspiracy theories mainly hurt Jews. But I know y'all don't give a single SHIT about Jews. You've proven to us just how antisemitic you are.

So PLEASE for the LOVE OF G-D, STOP spreading these fucking LIES, BECAUSE THEY HURT PALESTINIANS TOO!!

Okay. Deep breath. Some history.

The Philistines were ancient Bronze Age Mycenaeans, aka they were Greeks. The Torah is consistent with this. It records them as being from Crete, which during the Late Bronze Age was under Mycenaean control. They also had some genetic admixture from Southern Italy. We know this both from DNA evidence from their skeletons, and also from their pottery, which looks similar to Mycenaean Bronze Age pottery.

And regardless, Israel and Jerusalem are both in the archeological record, and in Egyptian records, LONG BEFORE the Greek Philistine people appeared in Egyptian records. The ancestors of the Jewish people were there long before the Philistines arrived.

And you would know all this if you STUDY JEWISH HISTORY! Here's my Jewish history masterpost. I recommend that everyone read it.

The Philistines were invaders in Canaan, and they clashed often with the native Canaanites, which are the people that Jewish people are descended from. Jews ARE Canaanites. Read my post here on Jewish origins.

The cultural memory of these clashes is recorded in the story of David and Goliath in the Bible. The Israelite David felled the much larger Philistine Goliath with a slingshot, and then chopped off Goliath's head with his own iron sword.

The Greek Philistines were a small people group living in Judea. The last of the Philistines in Judea were slaughtered in 604 BCE by the army of Babylonian King Nebuchadnezzar II when he besieged Jerusalem. This is the same siege that resulted in the Babylonian Exile of the Jewish people. Nebuchadnezzar dragged many of the Judeans (the Jewish population) as captives to Babylon (modern day Iraq). Then in 586 BCE, Nebuchadnezzar destroyed the First Jewish Temple and dragged many more of the Jews into captivity in Babylon.

In 539 BCE, the Persian King Cyrus the Great defeated the Babylonians in battle, and in 538 BCE, the Persians allowed the Jews to return to Judea. The Jews came back to Jerusalem to build the Second Temple on the site where the First Temple had stood, which they completed in 515 BCE. But when the Jews returned, they found that the Greek Philistine community had been decimated by the Babylonians.

So, where did the Philistines come from?

As I stated above, the name "Philistine" is a Greek version of the Hebrew word Peleshet, and the Peleshet were likely the same as the Mycenaean Greek Peleset tribe known to Egypt. The Greek Peleset tribe were part of a people group that are today called the "Sea Peoples."

At the end of the Bronze Age (aka the Late Bronze Age Collapse), the known world was going through a period of terrible drought, famine, and earthquakes. Various people groups from areas that are now part of Italy and Greece, including the Greek Peleset tribe, formed a rough confederation and went around to various cities, sacking and plundering the cities for resources. In 1175 BCE, the Sea Peoples invaded Egypt, and King Ramesses III defeated them in battle. He commemorated their defeat on a wall of his mortuary temple at Medinet Habu.

So why is Palestine called Palestine, a name that does derive from the name Philistine?

To find out, you have to fast forward from around 604 BCE (when the Babylonians wiped out the last of the Greek Philistine people) to around 135 CE to get to the next time that the name of the "Philistines" becomes important.

That's a span of around 740 YEARS!

At that point, the Second Temple in Jerusalem had already been destroyed by the Romans in 70 CE. The Romans were doing ethnic cleansing on the Jews in Judaea, after the Jews tried to get Jerusalem back from Roman control in the Bar Kochba revolt (132 - 135 CE).

After the Roman Empire defeated the Jews in Judaea and squashed the Bar Kochba Revolt in 135 CE, the Romans RENAMED the region Syria-Palaestina. It was a vain attempt to remove the Jewish presence in the region. The Romans literally tried to wipe the Jews "off the map."

Guess what, motherfuckers! It didn't work. Jews came back to the region not long after.

The Romans named the region after the GREEK Peleshet/Philistines (who, again, by then were LONG GONE).

So the name "Syria-Palaestina" is basically the Romans trying to erase Jewish identity. Which again, DIDN'T WORK.

WE JEWS ARE STILL HERE.

So tl;dr "Palestine" is NOT the same as the Greek Philistines/Peleshet.

The Romans just went through the Hebrew Bible and looked for a name they could call the region that would be painful to the Jewish people. So they named the region after one of the Jewish people's Biblical rivals.

Philistia was also a name that was in use in the Greek world because, again, the Philistines were ancient Greeks.

But there's no actual connection between the region called "Syria-Palaestina" and the Greek people group called the Philistines.

This is why (let's say it all together kids) you need to LEARN JEWISH HISTORY!

And here's the worst part of this conspiracy theory.

Again, I know why Jew-haters tell this lie. And by now, so do you.

Jew-haters say this shit in a completely misguided attempt to "protect" the Palestinian people.

But, let's say it all together, the Palestinian people don't need to be backed by LIES in order to defend their human rights and their right to self-determination!

The Palestinian people DESERVE PROTECTION. THEY DESERVE TO HAVE FULL HUMAN RIGHTS.

THIS IS NOT A ZERO-SUM GAME, with one "winner" and one "loser."

YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL LIES ABOUT JEWISH HISTORY TO DEFEND THE PALESTINIAN PEOPLE.

Jews and Palestinians are not "pawns" for you Jew-haters to use in your pretend game of war. You're acting like you're in some sort of video game fantasy.

JEWS AND PALESTINIANS ARE NOT YOUR PLAYTHINGS!

If you tell lies about Jewish history in a stupid attempt to "defend" the Palestinian people, you're not helping them at all. You're just being an antisemitic bigot steeped in Jew-hatred.

And taken to its extreme, the real conclusion of your antisemitic LIE is actually a really weird, unhinged blasphemy against the Prophet Muhammad!!

So if you ACTUALLY want to HELP the Palestinian people, and not just be a Jew-hating bigot, I would recommend that you put your money where your mouth is.

Stop telling easily disprovable LIES about Jewish history, and start donating to organizations and charities that are helping Palestinians. The organizations that I recommend are:

ANERA

Palestine Children's Relief Fund

Doctors Without Borders

Standing Together

#jumblr #judaism #jewish history #jewish #jewblr #stop spreading conspiracy theories and lies about Jews and start donating to help the Palestinian people #NOTE: I report and block antisemites. If any antisemites comment on this post you will be reported and blocked. You have been warned.

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matan4il · 5 months

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Daily update post:

Three more bodies were retrieved from Gaza by the IDF and identified. At least two of them were Israelis taken hostage on Oct 7, who were seen alive in vids published by Hamas as they were being led away, and today it was confirmed that they were murdered in captivity by these terrorists. They were both 19 years old. On the right is Ron Sherman. On the left is his friend, Nick Bizer. In the middle are the last text messages Ron sent to his mom. They read, "Bye mom, I love you all" (followed by five heart emojies), then "That's it," "They're here" and "It's over."

The third body was identified as 28 years old Elia Toledano. He was kidnapped by Hamas terrorists from the Nova music festival on Oct 7. As far as I can tell, there's no confirmation yet of when he was killed.

May their memories be a blessing.

The IDF revealed today how Hamas is trying to lure Israeli soldiers into an ambush in a booby trapped area, with armed terrorists lying in wait: by using child-shaped mannequins, school bags and speakers playing recordings in Hebrew and of sobbing, to make the soldiers think hostages might be held there.

Yesterday, the IDF finished a 60 hours operation in Jenin, where the Palestinian Authority is supposed to be responsible to fight against Hamas and terrorism, but in reality, the PA does nothing. This was the longest IDF operation in Jenin since Opoeration Defensive Shield (Mar to May 2002, which started following a wave of suicide bombings, and specifically after the murderous terrorist attack on Park Hotel in Netanya, where Jews eating a Passover meal together were targeted and murdered). During the operation that ended yesterday, the IDF uncovered 10 shafts leading to terror tunnels. That's not in Gaza. Let that sink in.

Also, if you see anyone saying, "But Hamas only operates in Gaza!" you'll know they're either ignorant or lying. Hamas only rules Gaza, but it absolutely operates outside it.

Another case in point for that last statement, that Hamas operates outside of Gaza, too. Remember that I posted in my daily update yesterday about the people arrested for having intended to carry out a terrorist attack against Jews in Denamrk? We have more info about that now, and it turns out that 7 people were arrested in total, not just 4, and that they were arrested in 3 countries, not just 2 (so in addition to arrests in Denmark and the Netherlands, terrorists were arrested in Germany as well), and most importantly, the people arrested included Hamas terrorists.

Again, let that sink in. When we tell you that Hamas wants to kill all Jews in the world, that's not just idle talk. It's not just a recent statement, either. Here's a Hamas senior stating as much back in 2019, and they also said as much in their founding charter.

youtube

Maybe just as importantly, these terrorists were taken down thanks to the Mossad's work.

So when we tell you that Jews are safer with Israel existing, that's not just in the case of Jews finding sanctuary from danger in Israel. That's true as well. But there can be Jews, even anti-Zionist Jews, who will lead their entire lives outside of Israel, never realizing that behind the scenes, an antisemitic terrorist attack that could have killed them, was stopped thanks to the fact that the Mossad (Israel's equivalent of the CIA) is in charge not only of protecting Israelis worldwide from terrorist attacks, it's responsible for the safety of all Jews. That's the kind of protection people would rob Jews of, when they advocate for the destruction of Israel, or even "just" the destruction of Israel as a Jewish state.

I thought this was a great response. From Letters to the Editor, Los Angeles Times:

Hanukkiahs lit in honor of the Israeli hostages, in the Jewish Quarter of the Old City of Jerusalem, on the last night of Hanukkah (the song is Come Back by Idan Raichel, performed by Roni Delumi, and its chorus goes, "Come back, come back, today / I so wanted you to arrive / I wish you'd come without announcing it this very day"):

These are 26 years old Yovel Sharvit and 27 years old Mor Trabelsi:

They married exactly a month before the Hamas massacre. On Oct 7, they were at the Nova music festival. Yovel survived, but Mor was shot to death in front of her eyes. Yovel participated as a model in a special fashion show, meant to call attention to the victims of Hamas, and especially to the sexual violence perpetrated that day. Yovel wore a wedding dress reminiscent of her own, with blood stains on, and groping hands. The dress also features sentences in Hebrew and Arabic that Yovel heard on or about that day. The dress is torn at the top, as per Jewish mourning customs. The make up artist recreated Yovel's real wounds on her back, and just as importantly, the deadly gunshot wound that killed Mor, on Yovel's forehead.

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

#israel #antisemitism #israeli #israel news #israel under attack #israel under fire #israelunderattack #terrorism #anti terrorism #hamas #antisemitic #antisemites #jews #jew #judaism #jumblr #frumblr #jewish

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evilwickedme · 1 year

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Hi there!! Just saw your post ranking interpretations of spiderman based on how jewish they are. (Great post 10/10 btw.) At one point you say Spiderman's ethos and values are very Jewish -- as non-Jewish person who doesnt know that much about Jewish culture, I was curious what you were refering to more specifically! Thats potentially a long post so you don't have to answer if that's too complicated haha but I'd love to learn more :))

Hey thank you so much for asking (and for liking my post)! You're right in thinking this is a complicated topic but I love answering complicated questions so you're good :D

That said I'm not going to detail every part of Spider-Man's Jewishness, just because... Honestly, there's a lot. Recently I posted a TikTok on an aspect of his Jewishness I won't even be lightly touching on in this answer. But just because I can't and won't cover everything doesn't mean you can't learn anything at all, so let's focus on the Big One -

Responsibility.

Responsibility is a big part of Peter Parker's story, and by extension and as a result nearly every Spider Person has been burdened with it. Peter Parker is given great power, and therefore has great responsibility, we know this.

(Amazing Fantasy #15)

I think it's interesting the way that this was attributed to Uncle Ben in most of later canon and in subsequent adaptations*, because Uncle Ben does not - and CAN not, for the story to work - know that Peter has superpowers when he tells him this.

(*with the exception of the MCU, the least Jewish of the Peter Parkers...)

But if Uncle Ben isn't telling him this as a warning to use his superpowers wisely, then what could it possibly be referring to?

Everything.

Because a person doesn't have to have superpowers to have great power. This is true in the big sense - politicians and CEOs and your high school principal all holding extreme leverage over the rest of us - but more importantly, more relevantly, we all have a power on the people around us.

Among Jews, we have a phrase, which in Hebrew goes: כל המקיים נפש אחת, מעלים עליו כאילו קיים עולם מלא. In English: anyone who saves a single life, it is on him as if he saved a whole world (adapted from wikipedia's translation of the Mishnah, Sanhedrin chapter 4:5). This is a double edged sword; we are capable of infinite creation, and infinite destruction as well. The phrase is mainly used in the sense of saving a life - you have saved not only that person, but also every person they may help or save or even birth later on. The Sages weren't picturing a superhero when they said this - they were referring to practical matters, and Uncle Ben is doing the same.

By delinking Peter's responsibility from his powers*, the overarching Peter narrative instead positions it as universal - you are alive, therefore you have great power, therefore you have great responsibility. You are a person, therefore you are an entire world. Spiderverse's insistence on the "it could be anyone behind the mask" only makes this argument stronger, in my opinion. The you who is responsible for everything you do is not Peter Parker, it's YOU. You, reading this, have great responsibility. You, reading this, are an entire world.

(*the MCU, in turn, explicitly linking Peter's powers or role as Spider-Man to his responsibility is an extremely early flaw, all the way back in Civil War when he talks around the phrase but we all knew exactly what he meant)

Anyway yeah. By no means comprehensive and not even everything one could say about this particular sub-topic, but, Peter Parker's Jewishness absolutely seeps all the way down to the big Spider-Man thing.

(See this post also as a fuck you to the guy who cried NO NO HE'S NOT JEWISH HE'S RESPONSIBLE!!! as if those two things aren't directly linked lmao)

#jew tag #spiderman #peter parker #judaism #jewish #comics #marvel comics #marvel #spiderverse #gail speaks #ask #forgondor #love ur url fyi #anti mcu #mcu my behated

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piratecaptainscaptainpirates · 2 months

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15 QUESTIONS FOR 15 FRIENDS

Thank you @jellybeanium124 and @catbells-and-summerlinens for tagging me! <3

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

Yep, it's a Jewish tradition to name kids after deceased loved ones! My English name (Atticus) is after a family friend and my Hebrew name (Akiva) is from a great-grandfather.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

I really don't cry easily or often! It's maybe a very brief once-a-year type deal so I don't remember.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Nope. I'd maybe like to adopt a teenager someday, but absolutely not in the near future for me.

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

I am genuinely the least sporty person alive lol. I would tolerate badminton in high school during weekly gym class but that's it. I did marching band for a few years though (drumline babee)

DO YOU USE SARCASM?

Sometimes? Not really often.

WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOUR?

Brown!

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

I prefer happy endings! I really like scary movies, too, but if the ending isn't satisfying I'm not gonna be thrilled with the whole experience.

ANY TALENTS?

Uhh I'm really good at picking up languages ig? I grew up in a multilingual household and I guess that made it a lot easier.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

Appalachian USA!

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

Writing, model ship building, and piano :)

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

Yep, I love animals. I have a dog (bratty corgi mix), a cat, and a few snakes. Snakes are awesome pets.

HOW TALL ARE YOU?

5’7.

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

History! I also really enjoyed English and loved chemistry.

DREAM JOB?

Professor. Gettin' there, I'm working on my history phd now!

Tagging...I'm awful at remembering who I've already seen get tagged, so if you see this and you wanna do it go wild, just tag me because I want to see your answers! 👀

#tag game

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pargolettasworld · 1 year

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Today in The World Is Changing For The Better:

I've been teaching online Hebrew school for a couple of weeks now. I have five students, who are all about ten and eleven years old, and I absolutely adore them. We've spent the past couple of weeks working on the Four Questions, of course. Question Four sometimes needs a bit of explaining: On all other nights, we eat either sitting at the table or reclining; why, on this night, do we recline?

We don't actually recline at the table -- most households in the US do not own sufficient chaise longues nor a big enough dining room to do the full Ancient Greek-style "recline at the table" thing. This is something that I do have to explain to the kids. But I also tell them another story, and I love that the setup seems to strike them as being utterly baffling.

My mom was big on teaching me Table Manners, even back in the Eighties. She taped a diagram to the wall so that I would learn how to set the table properly, and she watched me at the table carefully to make sure I was behaving properly.* One of her big rules was No Elbows On The Table. Now, this rule was old-fashioned and a very European kind of stuffy even back in the Eighties. But it was A Rule, and one would be scolded for breaking it.

But every year, there was Passover. And someone (usually my sister after she was big enough) would observe that, on this night, we recline at the table. Well, there were too many of us around my aunt and uncle's table for serious reclining, but there was plenty of room to take your sharp little-kid elbows and plop them firmly on that table! And Mom couldn't say anything about it, because it was Passover, and we were allowed!

I am a grownup now, and I will be leading the family seder again this year. And I will still get a giant rush of transgressive glee when I plop my grownup elbows firmly on the table, right where my mom can see them.

*Technically, my sister, too. But my sister was always more eager to please than I was, and she was the kind who would see someone else getting scolded, and then actually learn from that. She picked up the manners lessons like I did, only without having to be taught as much.

#passover #pargoletta's misspent youth #pargoletta pontificates

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pinespittinink · 1 year

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📖 OC Name Meaning Tag 📖

thanks for the tag @awritingcaitlin! this one is pretty nifty ✨ i’m going to do this for some of the characters in TGGT (SOME, I SAY, DOING THIRTEEN FUCKING OCS)

anyway i’m tagging @baroquesse, @moondust-bard, @bloodlessheirbyjacques, @vanessaroades-author, @mr-writes, @circa-specturgia, and @muddshadow

Rules: Put down an OC or more and tell what their name means.

🧵 Morgan 🧵 Welsh origin, meaning “sea-born” or “circling sea.” I don’t know where Morgan’s name came from insofar as choice--he just sort of popped into my head one day and I landed on a random name. I did have a friend in high school named Morgan who was a stage manager in our drama department, but my Morgan isn’t based on her in the slightest.

🐶 Zachary 🐶 Hebrew origin, meaning “God remembers.” Again, just another name that I liked the syllabic count and sound of. Though the meaning now that I look at it isn’t too off course for his character 👀

🎭 Ariel 🎭 Hebrew origin, meaning “lion of God.” Now this one was chosen intentionally, for the Shakespeare’s Ariel in The Tempest--the beginning of choosing theatrical names for a theater wip. That was the first time I came across Ariel as a masculine name; Ariel was actually male in conception, but they’ve since evolved into a nonbinary person.

🍸 Travis 🍸 French origin, meaning “to cross” or “toll collector,” lmao. Travis came about randomly--I wanted one that wouldn’t sound too out of place in the vintage city setting he appears in.

💐 Seonghwa 💐 Korean origin, meaning “to be a star.” I didn’t know this one and it’s actually pretty fitting! Seonghwa is actually named after his faceclaim (the singular one I have in all of TGGT), who happens to be a kpop artist in Ateez, whose debut song Treasure was instrumental in the early inspiration of TGGT.

💋 Christina 💋 Latin origin, meaning “a follower of Christ.” Christina was named after Christine Daae from The Phantom of the Opera, though their personalities are not similar in the slightest.

🧶 Cashmere 🧶 English origin, a soft wool from the Kashmir goat. I co-opted Cashmere for use as a proper noun because I’m a ho for that, and I liked the idea of a child working in the costume department with a textile-related name.

👑 Pippen 👑 Germanic origin, meaning “father.” Pippen is named after the musical Pippin, which I know absolutely nothing about but like the name of. He’s the defacto authority of the theater kids, so that meaning is pretty interesting.

💤 Winnie 💤 Welsh origin, short for Winifred, meaning “fair one” or “smooth, soft, happiness,” “blessed peacemaking.” There’s a bunch it looks like. Winnie is my sweet baby girl, another vintage sounding name I liked for the time period.

💪 Percival 💪 French and Welsh origins, meaning “pierce the vale.” Now, Percival is named entirely after a guy I used to work with a few years ago, and based off him in appearance too. I rarely base characters off of people I’ve known irl, but for some reason he stuck. Fantastic eyebrows, deep voice, hulking Hispanic guy. Some people called him Percy.

💃 Temperpina 💃So.... I’m a dumbass it looks like..... I think I was going for Terpsichore, the Greek muse of dance and dramatic chorus. AS IT TURNS OUT, somehow I threw it into a brain blender and ended up with Temperpina instead, which is! not! a name!! whatever!!! The intent to carry on a theatrical theme was continued!!

🎶 Lottie 🎶 French origin, meaning “little and womanly.” Back on track here! Lottie was also named after Christine Daae (lmaooo), specifically her nickname Little Lottie.

🩰 Yeseul 🩰 Korean origin, meaning “dew” or “pretty, lovely.” Yeseul is also inspired by a little girl actual real life Seonghwa interacted with once (it’s very precious), and I fell in love with the sound of it. In TGGT, Yeseul is his younger cousin.

#the great glavenisean theater #tag memes #this got long jesus

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fauna-a · 1 year

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VI Investigation

I am late, I know. And I will be late again for the last prompt :D Anyway, I tried. I am not very satisfied and I really think I should continue this. Queezle’s name is Hebrew, since her first job was for John the Baptist, her surname Czech. This a MysteryAU, I think?

NOTES ABOUT PTOLEMY SOTER DISAPPEARANCE BY D.I. KATHLEEN JONES

Ptolemy Soter disappeared on 10th November, presumably between 7.30 and 8.00 a.m. He was supposed to go to school, but he never arrived. Last people to see him: his uncle and aunt.

NB: P.S. lives with them and his cousins; his parents are both dead. He has a half-brother (same mother, different father) but he doesn’t live with them. P.S.’s relatives, from what I’ve seen, hate the half-brother. Maybe for the money?

P. goes to Alexandria School, first year (very posh).

ABOUT BARTIMAEUS URUK

Half-brother, 27 (13 years of difference with P.); grad student and assistant to professor H. Button (History, Ancient History, History and Politics). He has a part-time job in a Greek restaurant called Sparta.

P.’s relatives told me explicitly that they think B.U. kidnapped P. because he has never accepted his mother’s marriage with P.’s father; and because of the money, of course. (Still, NO request of a ransom).

PERSONAL NOTE: I’ve spoken with this B.U. (not yet officially). He seems quite annoying and somehow not worried about his brother. But he doesn’t really seem guilty. We’ll see.

Had to take in B. Uruk: some witnesses saw him that morning talking to P. He looked like he expected this: he just asked to call his lawyer, which he should be doing now, but it doesn’t seem so: I think I heard him insulting whoever was on the phone.

The lawyer came. He looks like he graduated yesterday, or he hasn’t yet. I have to check: his name is Nathaniel Underwood, for Whitwell & Co. I don’t if Jessica Whitwell knows about this. He spent 15 minutes yelling at his client.

Spoken with Keshet Zelený (B.U’s girlfriend) and Faquarl Mikaionos (B.’s employer at the restaurant).

It was… weird. I mean, it’s clear they have very different opinions about B., but… they are absolutely sure on one thing: B. loves his little brother with all his heart. K.Z. said that he’d died before letting something, anything happen to P. And, basically, F.M. said the same thing, even if I think he doesn’t really like B. Really. So?

The lawyer, N. Underwood, was waiting for me to “talk to me privately”. I told him very clearly that I am leading an investigation and his client is the only suspect so. Strange, because he seems very proper.

His client is always calm. Too much calm. But it is not the calm of a psychopath. I don’t understand.

When I asked him if he wasn’t worried about his brother, his answer was: “I was more worried before”.

#again: i am not satisfied #bartprompts23 #prompt 6 investigation #bartimaeus prompts week 23 #Bartimaeus trilogy #bartimaeus #nathaniel #kitty jones #ptolemy #my fic #My Story

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usaigi · 2 years

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#confessions

Lunar sys au character cards | Read all chapters on ao3

#confessions

Pinned Messages

Jake [BOT]

Keep it light-hearted. Anything serious Steven will use against you and force you to talk about in therapy. Yes, this is a threat.

Marc [BOT]

Whenever I make tea for Steven I microwave the water

Steven 🦉[BOT]

Marc… I trusted you 😭

🐻Kid! ⚾️🧢[BOT]

I ate a cheeseburger on accident im really sorry!! 😔

Jake [BOT]

Oh.

Fuck were we supposed to keep kosher?

🕊 Birb 🦜[BOT]

!!!!!!!!!

YES!?

Wait, are we not?? D:

Jake [BOT]

I have a confession

I thought we were catholic until we were like 14

Like i always knew my dad was super religious but

Steven 🦉[BOT]

How??? Why??? We went to Hebrew school, we had a bar mitzvah

The body's last name is Spector??

Jake [BOT]

You had a bat mitzvah, you went to Hebrew school.

I just never put two and two together

In my defense, growing up I only fronted when I had to

Or in Spanish class

Daniela [BOT]

No kids or birds ||I want to sleep with Layla||

Marc [BOT]

No.

Also that’s not a confession, we all know this already

Steven 🦉[BOT]

Thanks for telling us, Daniela. Maybe we can work towards that conversation with Layla and discuss boundaries and what we’re all comfortable with

Marc [BOT]

What no, absolutely not.

Daniela doesn’t get to be an antagonist jerk to us and snuggle with our wife

Steven 🦉[BOT]

Mate, I don’t want to repeat the 2025 fight we had. Remember, we are not competing over Layla’s love, she still loves you. If Daniela loves Layla romantically as well we need to discuss this, she deserve to at least have this conversation

Daniela [BOT]

Stop talking about me like I can’t read the chat

Also Steven stfu I dont need you to white knight for me

All this talks about “open conversation” and “working together as a system” just you’re too much of a coward to talk to me.

Marc [BOT]

message removed

No. Daniela didn’t even want us to date Layla in the first place, she kept telling me that I’m worthless and I’ll never be enough for her. And she did anything possible to sabotage our relationship by making me late/miss dates, deleting texts from Layla, lashing out at her

Daniela [BOT]

You didn’t deserve Layla, you still don’t. She’s still too good for you, murderer

I was doing that for her sake, maybe she’d wised up than to be with someone like you.

You nearly got her killed

It would have all been your fault

Marc [BOT]

Message removed

Daniela [BOT]

Stop deleting your messages, this is so childish.

Marc [BOT]

You’ve never even apologized for the years of torment. I know you’re different with Layla but seriously, you want me to be ok with this when you won’t even say you’re sorry for being a bully for all our life!?

Daniela [BOT]

Apologize!? ME!? What about you? When I BEGGED you to leave the army

That was literally the worst time of my life and you never cared

I was FINALLY happy for the first time in my life after when we got out, without you. Without Steven.

BUT despite everything I did and how much I begged, you went right back to work with ||Bushman||

You NEVER apologize to me yet you want me to apologize to you

Come mierda

Jake [BOT]

We are not having this conversation over discord. Both of you, stop it.

@Jake is Keep it light-hearted. Anything serious Steven will use against you and force you to talk about in therapy. Yes, this is a threat.

Steven 🦉[BOT]

Both you better front during today’s session, I already texted Carol

(the cooler) Mr. Knight [BOT]

I’m banned from 13 countries and there is an active warrant for our arrest in Texas

Also, who changed my username?

---

Text message to Carol (Psychologist)

Lunar Sys

Hey Carol it’s Steven. Daniela just told us that she wants a physical relationship with our wife. To be honest, I’m really gutted over this. Marc got upset and went off on her in the chat long but to be honest, I think Marc has a point. It’s very unfair that Daniela has done the bare minimum to cooperate and be kind to the system yet still wants to be with our wife.

I know Daniela is hurting and just wants to be loved but still.

I tried to be neutral and compromise and hear her out but now Marc is gone and I can’t reach him. Can we please talk about that today?

Carol (Psychologist)

Of course. See you this afternoon!

#moon knight #marc spector #steven grant #jake lockley #layla el faouly #usaigi speaks #marvel #mk lunar sys

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monstrousgourmandizingcats · 2 years

Note

{{ "Get to know me uncomfortably well" questions! 1 (if you're comfortable sharing it), 12, 15, 23, 42, 45, and 81? (Gotta love the linguistics ones.) 89 if that's not too many?

What is you middle name?

Not comfortable sharing right now because I have a fundraising post with a link to my PayPal and I don't really want to dox myself Even More. What I will say is it's quite common and of Hebrew etymology.

12. What was your last dream about?

The last one I remember was a stress dream about telling my boss I had a crush on her.

15. Favorite song?

I can't answer this question in an absolute sense, but of late I have been devoting a lot of attention to "All Comes Crashing" from the new Metric album.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Former Boston Red Sox pitcher Jonathan Papelbon, one or two Congressmen and a bunch of state officeholders, Tamora Pierce (I am sorry to inform my followers that I found her personally unpleasant), Jane Yolen (a delight), Ruth Ozeki (a beautiful, immense personality), this Japanese communist parliamentarian during the 2013 House of Councillors campaign in Kyoto, various professors prominent in the fairly niche fields I went to school for, and a number of Catholic and Anglican bishops.

42. Are you a good judge of character?

I am now.

45. What is your favorite accent?

I have a fondness for East Slavic accents, particularly in women. North of England accents are also lovely.

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

I honestly cannot. I can do the Japanese R, which is more of a tap/flap, but that's about it.

89. Do you like your age?

Ish. It's kind of an awkward number. I liked being 27 better.

Get To Know Me Uncomfortably Well

#personal #give me love give me memes #beyondthetemples

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ofparagade · 1 year

Text

DOSSIER

THE BASICS.

FULL NAME: Damien John Shepard RANK: Commander / Spectre DOB: April 1st, 2154 BIRTHPLACE: Cadmen, New Jersey HOME TOWN: Cadmen, New Jersey SEX: Male ORIENTATION: Homosexual / Homoromantic MARITAL STATUS: Taken KNOWN LANGUAGES: English, Spanish, Hebrew, Prothean EDUCATION: Ph.D in Music Composition / Music Theory CURRENT OCCUPATION: Spectre for the Citadel / Commander for the Alliance Navy

FAMILY.

MOTHER: Hannah Shepard ( née Hall ) FATHER: John Shepard SIBLINGS: none

TRAITS.

HAIR / EYES: dark brown ( buzzcut ) / electric blue HEIGHT / WEIGHT: 6'0" / 180 lbs BODY TYPE / SKINTONE: muscular & well-toned / tanned NOTABLE MARKINGS: none REAL LIFE FACECLAIM: Wentworth Miller VOICE CLAIMS: Mark Meer

PSYCHE.

ZODIAC SIGN: aries | the ram ENNEAGRAM: type 9w8 ( so variant ) MBTI: entj-t | the commander ALIGNMENT: chaotic good VIRTUE: humility VICE: greed

HISTORY.

Born Damien John Shepard to his mother, Hannah Shepard ( née Hall ), and father, John Shepard, on April 11, 2154 on an Alliance ship his parents both served on together. Despite having a citizenship on Earth, his family lived in Camden, New Jersey. His father died when he was young but still has his mother around. They have always been relatively close and get along quite well. Damien is categorized as a Vanguard, therefore, specializes in biotics. This is because his mother was exposed to element zero when pregnant with him. That explains as to why he has such a natural affinity and talent for biotics. Damien has excelled quite a bit all throughout his school life and was, in fact, valedictorian of his senior class. He also enjoyed doing extracurricular activities such as soccer and band. He was on the varsity team as head coach and played drums in band. After graduating high school, however, would he join the Alliance Military. He was heavily inspired to do so thanks to his mother and father, both. In fact, that is how he met his now-then fiancé, Captain Bruce Leeway. Unfortunately, their relationship would take a turn for the worse when being sent to Akuze on a mission. Needless to say Shepard was the only one who survived … or so he thought. Because of this, he has a fear of falling in love again as he does not want to lose another loved one like he did Bruce.

PERSONALITY.

Damien is known to be quite lax and takes quite a bit to piss him off. He is openly homosexual / homoromantic and regrets absolutely nothing. His parents are very supportive of him and is still proud to call him her son. Now even though he is, in fact, openly gay one should not assume he is openly flirtatious for he is not. Due to his academic and athletic history, he enjoys reading, playing sports, exercising, and listening to music. He often meditates at least once a day to help calm himself down and get a better control of his PTSD. Damien will be the first to admit that he is, without a doubt, an absolute nerd. And he is absolutely, positively, without a doubt okay with that! But once he got into the military, Damien had not gotten much time to do the things he enjoyed doing back at home. Damien knows first hand what it is like needing a shoulder to cry on for it has happened to him far too many times than he likes to admit. That does not stop him from helping people when they need someone to talk to, however. He is a firm believer that one ought to help those who are in need for karma is, in fact, a bitch.

ADDITIONAL INFO.

I strongly recommend you reading any ( and all ) headcanons I post on here because they will explain how my Shepard works. He is, in fact, canon divergent because he survives in my main verse and is heavily based off of a fanfic I’m making for him. For more information, please click here.

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obeymeluv · 3 years

Text

The Baby Assignment [Beel]

Not gonna lie, I wanted to do Mammon next but I love this big guy, so... The names for his sons (again, from “The Boys as Dads” post) were pulled from Wikipedia after a bit of research. I wanted to see what other names and history were tied to Beelzebub and I found Hesperus and Baal.

Apparently “Baal” was used to refer to Beelzebub in the Hebrew Bible. It was technically a title meaning “Lord” but could be used to reference specific demons. “Hesperus” comes from Testament of Solomon where Beelzebul (not Beelzebub; at some points throughout history these two were separate entities and at other times they were the same figure with different names) talked about his old high-ranking status in heaven and how he was tied to the star Hesperus.

Mammon’s probably going to be next, but I have to do more name hunting.

Beel is secretly excited to be partnered with you. He’s kind of curious about how the kid will look. More human? More demon-like? The two of you stand in the circle and not one but two babies explode in little clouds

Unfortunately, they’re already crying. Whether they’re hungry or the flash of light hurt them, you don’t know. Beel’s already giving this low, comforting purr and shrugging out of his jacket to swoop them up like some little papoose. This quiets them a little.

He can’t help but giggle because they feel like little hams in his arms. Tiny roasted Devilbirds. They look on the bigger side for Devil babies but they’ve got cute round faces and big sparkly eyes already tinging with that orange glow he gets at nighttime. They are carbon copies of Beel and he’s a little sad he doesn’t see the ‘you’ in them.

They wiggle a bit in the temporary papoose but settle when one arm breaches to grab a tiny, pudgy fistful of his shirt. There’s a few moments of ‘open, close, open, close’ where you think the baby is making biscuits against his chest but he finishes up with a firm grab.

Beel ties the papoose around you so he can carry the magic trunk back to the house. You take great care in keeping the light away from them and don’t know quite how to feel yet about that orange tint to their eyes. They observe you with much interest. They’re still cute though.

You’re walking back to the house with Beel and the others when the jacket blob starts to move. You think they’re getting restless (maybe need air?) and peel it open just enough to see what’s going on. They’re trying to tear a hole in your uniform to latch. They want skin-to-skin contact. One of them has their arm down your uniform top. The other is trying to jam their hand in there, too.

You just hold them close as you walk to the House of Lamentation. You bet by the time you get there, you’ll be missing a few buttons.

Beel sets up the trunk in his and Belphie’s room (Belphie’s seriously considering relocating to the attic for about a week) and helps you sit down. He undoes the papoose to find they’ve ripped a decent chunk out of your school uniform and are trying to hide between the fabric and your body. They’re holding hands, their other one either tucked under them or latching onto you somewhere else. It’s really cute and Beel goes beet red.

If you’re female, this gets Beel extra flustered because--for some reason? Demon brain and baby hormones?--he’s thinking about you breastfeeding two kids and being pregnant with another one.

Is he gonna be one of those guys that wants lots of kids? Probably.

He opens the trunk in search of jumpers or something that will help them keep their heat and is surprised to see insulated bags of squeeze-type baby food. All KINDS of food, actually!

He’ll have to try some for quality assurance. Does it actually have substance?

Those kids get it honest because they’re literally only an hour old and they KNOW what food packages sound like. Your uniform tears a little more because suddenly two little ginger-headed babies are watching his every mood like a hawk, heads thrust out of the little hole they made.

Beel is not a fan of opening tiny baby food portions. His hands are very big and this is a problem. He ends up puncturing the cap with a fang and squeezing some out. It works, so he hands it over.

These kids snatch food like Mammon taking a grim, okay? Watch your fingers.

Suddenly there’s a little fussy fight breaking out in your top because one baby has one and one baby has nothing. Beel can’t get the second one fast enough. He just shakes it outside the hole and hopes the empty-handed one takes it.

You tell Beel to help you out of your uniform since it’s basically ruined. Boy heats up real bad, touching your skin and everything. Big boy has it BAD!

The kids hiss and growl and cry until you set them in his jacket and make a nest. Then they’re back to being content little angels, gumming and sucking on the little pouches

“I hope all this eating means they grow fast,” Beel smiles as he takes the empty pouches and looks in the trunk again. It’s imbued with magic that only lets the ‘parents’ open it so there’s no accidents. He’s looking for other flavors as you hug the jacket nest.

Somehow you end up with a tiny little hand tangled in your hair as they try to pull you into the nest. You just lay in the middle and they lounge on you. They are BIIIIG on contact. Like to touch all the time. Very snuggly.

You’re kind of shocked but Beel is big into photography. He never answers you when you ask why, but he’s very diligent about taking pictures. They’re not always the best quality but boy never misses a moment.

After about three pouches apiece, they’ve moved onto Beel. They like to snuggle around his stomach and you joke about his ‘baby bump’. You take the pictures now.

By the end of the night your name has a sound. They are grabbing at you and Beel at the dark, giving calls and trying to wake you up. They want to eat again.

This goes on for days 2 and 3. The twins are more active at night since their eyes don’t hurt and yours and Beel’s sleep schedule are officially messed up. Day 2 they are very vocal with their demon vocal chords, so you basically need a translator. Day 3, you’re used to their nightly disappearances and sneak down sometime after them to see Beel digging through the fridge.

“Apple? See? Apple. Ap-ple.” Beel apparently like smothering them in forehead kisses. He’s passing the food between them and suddenly it’s just three demons cooing over a piece of fruit. They’ve inherited the biting instinct because all three of them bite it at the same time.

He was fixing to wake the house with a happy yeowl about the fangs but had some sense that someone was behind him, so you’re gifted with the sight of three demons still holding onto an apple. “They go’ fanfs,” is what you think you here. Beel technically got the first purr with that one.

When the fangs come out, the food fights start. If you feed them with a spoon or fork it is LITERAL begging for them to let go so you can get more food for them.

Feeding them is a two person job, not because there are two of them, but because one of them needs to attract the biter with a different food so they let go of the utensil.

They get teary and screechy when they’re not fed fast enough. Hesperus’ first word was “MO’!” (more) as he’s slamming his little fists on the feeding chair and puts a crack in it. Baal takes full advantage of the surprise and latches onto the spoon Beel almost drops. Another struggle ensues.

Between Day 3 and Day 4 they have the muscle strength and build to fully walk themselves. Half of the time they “skitter”. For some reason they don’t like walking upright.

Previously, you could only tell them apart with the brothers’ help (demons can differentiate demons). Now you and Beel have a color-coordinated system to tell the twins apart.

They seem to take after their Uncle Belphie and hide in unusual places. The only way you and Beel find them are by walking around the house and shaking various packages of food. You think this is a joint effort to eat more.

Baal says ‘thank you first’ and is the gentle teether. He likes to cuddle like that. Hesperus is an avid climber that prefers to latch

Half the time you don’t know if the twins are cuddling and scenting or play fighting. They’re more energetic than you expected.

Ironically, there favorite person is Mammon. He runs fast when Lucifer scares him and they like to chase him. When they want to sleep, they go to Uncle Belphie. He’s just not energetic enough to play with.

They’ll grab anyone’s leg and sit on them. They like to be carried like this.

Asmo only managed to get a blurry picture of it, but somehow the twins managed to get Lucifer to drag them around by sitting on his cape. It was very cute.

They’re pretty much Beel’s shadow. They like to follow him and he regularly uses them as extra weights in his routine. Sometimes they run around the yard together. Beel tries to teach them how to play Fangol but they end up trying to gnaw the ball to death and end up wrestling for it. “At least they’re active,” he mumbles as he picks you up to keep you out of harms way

They fall asleep in the grass, fangs still trying to dig into the ball.

Day 5 and 6 they become strong talkers and always insist on going long walks. They want to look at alll the stuff! They’re probably at the age of four or five (maybe six) and Beel deems them behaved enough to see some of his favorite restaurants in the Devildom.

You eat so much you think you’ll be sick. You have three boys who will gladly help you with the rest. They fight over an extra-hard crunchy baguette and don’t seem to have the concept of sharing at this point. They’re fussing and butting heads and Beel notices their horns are breaching.

You bag everything to go and Beel offers to fly you all home since you’re absolutely stuffed. He barely hears it, but a tiny little whine is trying to harmonize with his wings. One of them has grown wings (it was Baal).

That evening is spent with Beel and Belphie gently bumping them with their horns to coax them out.

You’re constantly portioning food and trying to make it fair. Beel is a good mediator. He won’t let his kids starve by any means but if they won’t share after he’s explained (and re-explained) why it’s nice to do so, he just eats the thing so they have nothing to fight over

They learn that lesson in the dead of night when they sneak down for their own raid and use each other (and the cabinets/drawers) like a jungle gym to get to the good stuff. Whatever they grab, they split. When Beel catches them, some kind of chocolate thing over his face, Baal looks unapologetic and Hesperus just asks if he wants a bite

Beel is not a disciplinarian. You will have to do that.

Overall the boys are very helpful. They will help bring in groceries and clean up the yard with their uncles. They really love doing the latter because the find all kinds of bugs. They try to give them to Mammon and Lucifer but both of them hate them. A lot.

Belphie notices them and pays them in food to put bugs in Lucifer’s office and bed. No regrets. Satan joins in on this with fancy foods from his foodie connections. They are the unofficial mascots of the Lucifer Sucks Club

Day 7 involves visiting some of Beel’s club activities and the members being absolutely in love with the kids. They get them tiny Fangol jerseys and they run around with the ball. It’s a good day with lots of cute pictures.

They try to hype of the twins and put them on their shoulders but it was here you learned Baal doesn’t like Hesperus getting too far from him and DEFINITELY doesn’t like him being around a bunch of strangers. You don’t know if he thought they were taking him away, but they definitely got dive-bombed by a tiny flying ginger.

Beel has to console him and keep them together for a few hours until he calms down. Simeon overheard the commotion (actually: heard it from Solomon, who was told by Asmo) and offered to make some Celestial Treats to “share the heritage” since Beel is technically an angel.

The twins also love Luke TO DEATH and he is extremely stressed out. They’re cute but very strong and accidentally kind of rough. They chase him too. They want to climb on him; one is enough to knock him off guard and two practically smother him. Send help.

Simeon is absolutely in love with them and the boys cuddle him and shake him down for sweets as nicely as they can.

Diavolo may not be as close to Beelzebub as he is Lucifer, but he still wants to see the children. Demon children are a beautiful thing (and he wants an excuse to get out of work)! On Day 8, Barbatos whips up a very fancy meal which the kids are all for. They like playing hide and seek with Diavolo. You and Lucifer both about shit a brick when they take to climbing on chandeliers and up into the crevices of the castle. Hesperus learned to fly that day, and refused to come down for Lucifer.

Day 9, Barbatos and Simeon invite them to a garden-style orchard to pick fruits and vegetables. They boys are covered in dirt and have leaves in their hair but they are very proud of what they picked and can’t wait to make things to eat (they look very cute in overalls).

Somewhere between Day 8 and 9 both boys have gotten into the habit of shucking off their shirts to let their wings stretch out. When they don’t feel like talking, they sound off with their wings. Beel has adopted this habit and can usually be seen shirtless or in one of those muscle tees with the holes in the side.

On Day 9 the boys decide they want to make a big buffet for the class since Beel took a lot of pictures. They know basic knife skills and have special protective gloves and things like that. Beel bought you all matching aprons. The whole thing goes relatively smoothly; you have a family tray ‘for sampling’, and a bigger portion that will be taken to the class

All bets are off when it comes to making desserts. It’s hard to get the batter into the pan before they’re trying to “lick the bowl clean” (it’s not even empty). You end up with two chocolate-smeared demons that Asmo very reluctantly lets into his bath. You help wash. Beel supervises and is prepared to catch these crafty, sweet gremlins in towels.

Day 10, you make your way to the classroom. The boys want to dig into the buffet (”But your friends are doing it!”) and they almost forget to do the report. They talk for a little bit, pause for a snack. It’s pure bribery. They are finished and rewarded with more food. Beel strings up all his photos at the front of the classroom as the boys sit in your lap and eat.

They make their way to the summoning circle and the teacher has a hard time determining their age. These two are built like brick houses. Are they in the upper percentile for everything or actually older? They’re either very tall eight-year-olds or the age limit goes above 10. Results are inconclusive.

You get a B that is argued to an A on Satan and Lucifer’s behalf. The teacher tried to argue that they were a little unruly and showed a lack of discipline but duh, they’re kids!

Hesperus growled something out in pure demon and you’re not sure what it was. Judging by Belphie and Satan’s expression, it’s probably something a parent wouldn’t want their kid to say. Who knows where they picked it up from?!

Baal just looked like he wanted to bite the guy’s nose off, and has taken a protective mantling stance on Beel’s shoulder.

You walk them to the summoning circle and the twins are just as sad as Beel. They want to stay. Baal is crying silently and can only manage to bring his horns out and bump heads. Hesperus makes you promise to cook lots of food ‘for when we come back’ and that he’ll even wash dishes if you promise.

You give them kisses and wipe Baal’s tears away, to which he gently teethes on you. Hesperus just hugs his brother from behind, the two disappearing in thick clouds of smoke.

The class goes on casually as people pick at food and gush about the twins. You stay behind with Beel to pack up the uneaten food. He’s very solemn as he’s taking all the photos off the board, handling them with care.

“So, uh...why the photos?” you’ve tied up the last bag and have it sitting on the big catering trays Simeon lent you.

“I didn’t want to forget them like I did Lilith...not that I ever really forgot her. Sometimes it’s just...hard to remember her clearly. You know, to remember everything from before. It happens when you’re over five thousand years old.” he’s trying to smile sweetly for you but you can see the pain in it, “I just wanted to keep them with me. I didn’t get that option with her.”

Ooh boy have the floodgates opened for both of you! You hold this big six-something demon boy like he’s one of your babies and he’s never been more grateful. He feels your tears in his hair and you both have a cathartic cry. There’s no where comfortable to snuggle so you opt to heal quietly at the House of Lamentation with some of the leftover food.

It’s a quiet affair, hiding in Beel’s room. You catch him constantly touching your stomach but don’t say anything. His hand is warm and large over your stomach. You’re on the edge of a food coma when you hear him mutter, “Maybe one day.” as he gives it a little pat.

#Obey Me!#Obey Me! x Reader #Beelzebub x Reader #Beel x Reader

299 notes · View notes

captainbisaster · 3 years

Text

some xmen (and cherik) headcanons i have because i feel like it

charles is trans (FTM)

before FC only raven knew about it (charles might have altered their parents’ memories)

raven once beat up a guy who said she wasn’t really charles’ sister

(charles was cheering for her)

also charles is autistic

erik loved to draw (before everything happened) and sometimes he still does

mostly when he’s distracted or misses charles

hank will read literally anything

charles and logan once found him crying on an old copy of “emma” by jane austen

charles only knew english (ofc) and a bit of french when he met erik

but erik has the tendency to switch to german when he’s pissed

so he went full immersion and learned german (and a bit of hebrew too because he wanted to impress erik) (sue him)

raven always says she hates kids but secretly she’d love to be a mum

the kids at the school absolutely adore her too

who wouldn’t

charles and erik weren’t always really playing chess

the others didn’t realise at first tho

no one dares to interrupt one of their games anymore

hank is ace

erik made sure there would be foreign languages classes (and thought some too)

storm literally has a rainy cloud on her head when she’s in a mood

like in cartoons yk

there’s a “no smoking” sign in every room specifically for logan

all the kids helped with erik’s proposal

charles cried like a baby too

jean and charles often don’t realise they’re not talking out loud

everyone just stares at them until they catch on

the kids often draw on charles’ bald head while he’s asleep

(i used to do it to my dad oops)

wanda is peter’s twin !!!

erik cried when he found out the twins were his :)

dadneto <3

when everyone found out about lorna too they gifted erik a pack of condoms

(“it’s not like i can get pregnant” “just in case, professor”)

charles can dance

raven too

so every now and then you’ll hear 50s rock & roll play in the mansion

the kids sometimes join too

rogue can play the piano

and she loves it because it’s the only moment when she can take off her gloves

(no she didn’t get the cure IDC)

jean and logan were never a thing (they had NO chemistry)

whenever someone asks charles and erik how long they’ve been together they panic

yes, even when they’re in their 80s

raven hates avatar

it’s a good film but she would’ve preferred not to suffer all those terrible jokes about their skin tone yk

raven and hank are endgame .

#i have more but i can’t think of them #i’ll add them some day #cherik #xmen #no one can convince me otherwise #i’m right #i just understand the characters more than the writers

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shookspearewrites · 3 years

Text

Lady Jane Grey (Ikevamp OC)

Hello my little ducks, I hope you’re all doing wonderfully today! I’d like to introduce y’all to another one of my beloved Ikevamp OCs, Lady Jane Grey~ I hope that you’ll love her as much as I do! This character sheet template is by the lovely @yoshimoto-love-mail ❤

- JJ x

~~~~~~~~~~

(Picrew link: https://picrew.me/image_maker/227881 )

Name: Lady Jane Grey, Queen Jane Age: 18 in appearance, Near-immortal Original time: Tudor England (Early to mid 1500s) Species: Lesser Vampire (Turned by le Comte) Schooling: A finest royal education in reading, writing, languages, music, religion, embroidery / sewing, history and poetry Occupation: Queen Regnant of England Spoken languages: Modern English, Middle English (Elizabethan), Greek, Latin, Hebrew, Italian, French and Dutch. Pronouns: She / Her Sexuality: Heterosexual Height: 5’ (Five foot approx.) Dresses time appropriately in the mansion: Yes, however, she does tend to wear older styles of clothing Suitor they’d be interested in: Leonardo Da Vinci Suitors they’d most likely spend time around as a friend: William Shakespeare, Vincent van Gogh, Jean D’Arc, Isaac Newton and Napoleon Bonaparte.

Positive Traits

Polite

Compassionate

Intelligent

Graceful

Self-assured

Neutral Traits

Innocent

Inexperienced

Virginal

Studious

Easily flustered

Negative Traits

Naïve

Fiery

Snobbish

High-maintenance

Paranoid

Likes

Embroidery

Afternoon tea

Poetry

Painting

Horse riding

Hunting

Dislikes

Impoliteness

Catholicism

Rodents

Dishonesty

Rowdy people/ environments

Fears / Phobias

Rodents

Imprisonment / Claustrophobia

The dark

Abandonment

Illness / disease

Appearance

Jane has long, bright red wavy hair that reaches the dip of her waist. She normally wears her hair up but, she’ll happily wear it down if Leonardo asks her too - though, he’ll normally tug it gently from it’s ribbons to run his fingers through it gently. She plaits her hair before bed, a task which Leonardo loves to perform for her even though - because of his large hands - he can’t manage to braid her long hair very neatly.

She’s petite, slender and delicate. Jane is particularly noted as having soft, delicate hands. She is full of chest, so much so that her breasts almost dwarf the rest of her small body. Her torso is rather short and she has long, slender arms and legs.

She is very pale - white, clear skin - Comte oft’ describes her as his “lovely little porcelain doll”.

Jane has clear, bright, green eyes. Her eyes are big and wide; people describe them as her best feature as they are the most captivating part of her heart-shaped, soft cheeked face.

She is incredibly hygienic and takes very good care of herself. Jane wears delicate perfumes that smell of flowers and vanilla, often gifted to her by Shakespeare though, she’ll never wear these scents around Leonardo as he gets rather jealous.

Fun Facts

It is absolutely love at first sight between her and Leonardo for the both of them. Jane admires Leonardo’s intelligence and care-free attitude (even if she is slightly put off by his somewhat brashness and perceived impoliteness). Leonardo adores Jane’s brain and the fiery self confidence that lies underneath her kind, demure exterior (and my god he just thinks she is the world’s most beautiful woman) ((and he likes the way her chest swells at the low neck line of her Tudor era dress)).

Being the oldest of her sisters, and with no brothers in her line, Jane received an education of the highest standard - Even higher than that of her cousins Queen Mary and Queen Elizabeth. She is Leonardo’s equal in terms of intelligence and they match each other intellectually on a near-perfect level.

She plays the violin and the cello, with a particular talent for singing. She’s a top soprano though, she does get a little shy when singing in front of others. Leonardo often catches Jane singing as she writes or tends to the flowers and smiles so tenderly, picking up his violin and playing to accompany her which always makes her blush.

Jane adores the pet names that le Comte and Leonardo have for her. The first words le Comte said to Jane (after she came back as a vampire) were “Are you hurt, my pearl? Hush now, no need to worry, you’re safe.” Leonardo, Mozart, Arthur and Theo have sarcastically called her “Your Majesty” or “My Queen” or “Queen Jane” only to be met with Jane’s self assured, fiery demands for respect as she was indeed a monarch. Leonardo now calls her these things very seriously in intimate situations i.e., when they are making love or when she wakes up in his arms.

Jane is a skilled fencer. She probably can't out-duel Napoleon or Jean but she'll give them both a good run for their money. She also enjoys hunting though, not many of the residents if any take her up on her offer to go with her. Napoleon might occasionally go along though, just to humor her and to act as her protector.

Defining Life Events

Royal Coup & Reign

At only 15 years old, Jane was unwillingly pushed into a coup by the Privy Council and King Edward VI and made the first Queen of England. At first, when told of her new position, Jane burst into tears, falling to the floor at Syon House, proclaiming “This is not for me - The rightful Queen is Mary.” After being transported to The Tower of London by river, she began to gain confidence and self assurance in her Queenhood. She proclaimed and signed herself as ‘Jane, the Queene’ and crowned herself with the Crown jewels - Jane never enjoyed a coronation. In one of the first moves which turned support away from her (Duke of Northumberland), Jane refused to make her husband (Northumberland’s son) King, only a Duke.

In an attempt to protect the tower once Princess Mary began her fight for the throne and hold onto her dwindling supporters, the Queen unknowingly imprisoned herself in the tower by locking up the fortress and taking the keys for herself; Jane never left the tower again. She was confident and self assured until the moment the crown left her head on the 9th and final day of her reign, and suddenly relieved and demure once it did, asking innocently, “Can I go home now?” Jane was promptly arrested and imprisoned in the tower, away from her royal apartments, and she was held there for the next 3 years. Her cousin, Queen Mary, tried desperately to protect Jane from execution, keeping her in confinement for as long as possible, however, Jane was to lose her head.

Execution & Turning

At the age of 18, after being found guilty of treason, Jane was sentenced to death by beheading at the Tower of London in 1554 - Queen Mary spared her from death by burning. She was distressed, as were her Ladies who found themselves unable to help her, meaning that Jane had to undress (Only down to her white underdress) and blindfold herself. She spoke to her executioner, “I pray that you dispatch me quickly,” and asked that he would not remove her blindfold once she placed her head on the block. She fumbled around, crying out in distress trying to find the block but no one helped her - Not her Ladies, not the executioner nor any officials.

Eventually, appalled by what he saw, le Comte de Saint Germain, who looked on from the crowd, rushed to Jane’s side to help her to the block. As she wept, shaking, le Comte whispered comforting words to her and stroked her back carefully, promising that she’d be safe. He knelt with her, guiding her to the block before biting her shoulder which was concealed from anyone looking by Jane’s bright auburn hair, turning her successfully before she was beheaded.

True to her kind nature, as she knelt at the chopping block after reciting a prayer and professing her devotion to God, Jane forgave her executioner. Jane is the only Monarch of England to ever die for her religion and became a protestant martyr.

In the aftermath of the execution, once the crowd and officials had left, le Comte took Jane’s body and head (separated) to a secluded corner of his mansion and sewed them back together, biting her once again to make absolutely sure that the turning process would be successful.

Jane doesn’t have a scar from the beheading / stitches and she doesn’t know that it was Comte who helped her to the block and comforted her before she died, but she often tells him that he has “Kind eyes” and that he reminds her of “Someone very dear” to her.

Color Palette & Aesthetics Board

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harlem-to-delancy · 3 years

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Davey (and apparently Sarah, cause she appears a lot) Headcanons (modern era)

- he’s a polyglot, he can speak French, English, Hebrew, ASL, Italian and Spanish (in that order)

- Sarah can speak French, English, Hebrew and ASL but she never really cared to learn anymore.

- his family is originally from France and he immigrated to America when he was young (probably before Les was born)

- his dad is is Sephardic (his family comes from France) and his mom is Mizrahi (her family comes from Lebanon) and they come from a French-Jewish community in Marseille, France

- him and Sarah are twins with him being older by 2 minutes

- Sarah was always the outgoing twin, and Davey was the kid who sat quietly in the background who looked like he was mildly judging everyone

- Sarah was the only person Davey would really talk to, most of the time he didn’t talk much BUT if he had a hyperfixation? Or a special interest at the moment? Or a rant he needed to get off his chest? Then poor Sarah would have to sit and listen for hours

- he and Sarah shared a room until they were 7, neither of them wanted their own rooms but when they moved to New York and Les was born, their new house had rooms for all of them so they reluctantly parted ways (though Esther would often find one of them sleeping on the floor in the others room for many years to come)

- after moving to the US Davey and Sarah took it upon themselves to learn sign so they could talk without their parents knowing (and so they could still talk when Davey didn’t feel like speaking or when Sarah would lose her voice from speaking too much)

- Sarah was always outgoing and made friends immediately and easily upon starting school, and Davey never really had any friends, he preferred to spend his recesses reading on the swings rather than playing any games

- Davey has been in his schools gifted program since the 1st grade, and they even tried to get him to transfer to a gifted private school but he refused to leave Sarah, which she called him an idiot for

- Sarah started gymnastics at age 5 and took it very very seriously

- she loved acting but couldn’t hold a note and Davey can sing really beautifully but couldn’t act to save his life so they both loved musicals from a far

- Davey plays piano and Sarah plays the cello

- their reasonings were that David like how precise you have to be with the piano and Sarah liked the way all the adults looked at her in shock and mild fear at this tiny child holding this giant heavy instrument

- in middle school Sarah fell In love with photography and she takes pictures of everything ( she has a whole folder of nothing but pictures of Davey reading different books in the most random of places/positions), her room is covered floor to ceiling in Polaroids

- Meyer is a carpenter and he built both of them custom pieces in their rooms (part of their agreeing to get separate rooms) Sarah has a built in beam in her room (her speciality skill) and Davey has his bed built into a bookshelf (Les has a station for his toys and they all have a treehouse in their backyard which is identical to the treehouse from their childhood home)

- Davey comes out to Sarah in the 6th grade, absolutely terrified and Sarah comes out to him a year later

- after starting high school Davey finally agrees to go to the private gifted school that’s been after him since he was a kid

- he plays for their chess team and is their ringer

- he does academically well but despite being surrounded by other kids like him, he still doesn’t make any friends

- they don’t come out to their parents until the both start high school

- Meyer is surprisingly fine with it but Esther has a harder time and they all go through a really strained year or so while Esther struggles to overcome her own issues

- Because of this Davey starts to get really bad anxiety and Sarah struggles pretty hard with depression, they both have ADHD and so this just made it worse for both of them

- they both go to therapy and get help and through this Esther finally sees what her own biases are doing to her kids and slowly but surely they work it out

- Davey’s eyes are a bright blue and his hair is very dark almost black, Sarah’s eyes are more of an icy grey blue and her hair is a more deep chestnut brown, both of them are curly. Davey usually keeps a bit of fringe on the top, and Sarah usually keeps her hair shoulder length, long enough to put up for competitions but short enough that it’s not heavy when up

- Davey reaches 6’2 making him the tallest in the family and Sarah, much to her dismay, only makes it to 5’6 (which Davey says her gymnastics is to blame for that one)

- the summer before they start their junior year (so when their both 16) Meyer gets injured on the job and loses his job

- Esther works part-time as a medical records transcriber but it’s not enough to keep them afloat, she starts working full-time while Meyer recovers and it’s enough to keep them going but not enough to continue paying for Daveys school or Sarah’s training

- both Davey and Sarah get jobs to try and pay for their own paths, Sarah gets a job at her gym in exchange for training time

- Davey gets a job at a local newspaper building

- it’s a small sub building of a much larger newspaper ran by Joe Pulitzer

- and Davey manages to get a job as a short story writer on their smallest sub branch

- there he works closely with the paper’s illustrator, a boy just a year older than him named Jack

- Davey writes the stories and Jack draws them

- their relationship is rocky at first because Jack is the epitome of outgoing, he could give Sarah a run for her money, and Davey is the opposite, and Jack doesn’t trust people he doesn’t know, especially private school kids

- but eventually they learn that their assumptions of each other were wrong and they actually make a really great team

- They get closer and start becoming actual friends

- Daveys never had a real friend before so when he brings Jack home for the first time it’s fair to say his whole family is Shooketh and immediately start bombarding Jack with questions which Jack loves and makes Davey want to crawl into a hole

- Jack ends up introducing Davey to his friends from school and they immediately accept him into their group and Davey doesn’t think his heart has ever felt so full

- Davey then brings Sarah in, though she has no shortage of friends, but she was always eager to make more

- Sarah hits it off with a certain red-headed reporter who also works with Jack and Davey and they both become pining messes

- because Sarah may be confident and collected most of the time, but when a pretty girl comes into the mix? She’s just as bad as her brother is

- Davey splits his time between working and studying, he’s taking his SAT’s at the end of the summer, a year early because his school runs a competition every year that whichever student gets the highest score will get a partial scholarship

- and with Esther working full time and Davey working they would make just enough with that partial scholarship to let him finish what he started at this school

- eventually Jack and Davey grow closer, they start working on an actual book idea together, a kind of graphic novel

- Davey however starts getting worse and worse panic attacks as his test approaches

- Jack spends a lot of energy making paintings to try and help Davey feel better

- eventually Davey admits in one of his panic attacks that when he’s studying in his room for long periods of time (which lets be real is all the time cause the boy doesn’t know when to stop) that all the white shelves and walls in his room start to blend together and mess with his head

- so one weekend while The Jacobs (besides Esther who had to stay home to work) we’re all out of town for a big meet of Sarah’s, Jack takes it upon himself to paint a giant mural all over Davey’s room

- it’s a seemingly never ending landscape of The Jacobs old farmhouse in France

- Davey is in so much shock when he gets home and sees it that he can’t even form words

- so instead he kisses Jack in thanks

- and then a few more times just because he can

- and Jack nearly melts

- Sarah and Katherine get together soon after at Sarah’s last meet of the season, it’s nationals and Sarah has just won for her first time ever at this level and she gets so excited when she meets Kath and Davey back up after the ceremony that she just kisses Kath right then and there without even thinking about it

- apparently Kath had been planning on doing the same thing though so it all worked out

- the two couples go on numerous double dates as well as just having giant group hangs all the time and it’s the best summer any of them have ever had

- Davey finally takes his test and manages to get a near perfect score, solidly winning him the scholarship

- junior year comes for Davey and Sarah and senior year comes for Jack and Katherine

- Katherine gets early admission into Stanford for Journalism while Jack struggles with deciding what he wants to do

- part of him wants to go to school for something practical, something he knows will guarantee him money and a job

- but the other part of him, the part largely influenced by a certain blue eyed boy, tells him to follow his dreams

- he decides to take a chance and follow that voice

- he ends up getting into Pratt for an illustration degree and Davey throws an entire party to celebrate

- the all spend the next year just being teenagers, working and school and extra curricular’s and more than anything just spending time together

- Meyer finally heals and goes back to work which takes off a lot of the strain of the family, Davey gets to go to part-time work and focus more closely on his preparing for Uni

- Sarah finally takes her SAT’s and does surprisingly well, probably because Davey forced her to study with him for months in preparation

- Davey takes the SAT’s again much to the exasperation and confusion of both Jack and Sarah but he ends up actually getting a perfect score

- Summer finally comes and the group all take a road trip out of New York, driving Katherine out to California to get accustomed to her new home and so Sarah can spend more time with her

- jack moves into his dorm towards the beginning of August and him and Davey have a very long a tearful goodbye, which Sarah makes fun of endlessly since they are moving approximately 15 minutes away from each other, meanwhile her girlfriend is on the other side of the country

- Sarah wins her second consecutive nationals and gets scouted (and accepted) into UCLA, which she accepts in a heartbeat, having been her dream school and team for as long as she could remember (and also being just a 5 hour drive to Katherine, rather than the current 43 hour drive)

- she ends up going to study photography and compete on the UCLA gymnastics team

- Davey gets faced with a very difficult choice

- he gets into every school he applies for, and he has applied to a Lot for safety

- he gets into Stanford, Columbia, Harvard even MIT, though he did easily scratch that one out due to not really having what he wanted to study there

- he gets a full ride to all of them

- he struggles with his decision a lot, Harvard is obviously an amazing school and his dream school his whole life, but it’s also separated from everyone

- Stanford is a great school as well, it has Katherine and Sarah in a closer distance and if he goes there his parents are considering moving the family to California so they can be close to both their kids

- but California doesn’t have Jack, and though he enjoyed his trip out to Cali last summer it didn’t scream a place he could really imagine himself

- Columbia hit almost all his boxes

- it was only 30 minutes away from Jack, it was in the city he loved with the weather he felt comfortable in

- most of his friends would be nearby, he could keep working at the newspaper and they had a dual major he really loved

- the problem was that Sarah was already committed to California, and as we saw earlier California was a very very far place from New York

- Sarah and Davey had many many long conversations about this, because Sarah didn’t want him to give up a school he loved just to be nearer to her, but also she couldn’t imagine him not being in the same state as her let alone the same side of the country

- eventually though she convinces him to finally do something for himself

- so he does

- he ends up going to Columbia University, dual majoring in The Classics and Literature

- Meyer and Esther never had the opportunity to go to college, so Sarah and Davey were the firsts of their family

- Their graduation party is huge

- Davey graduated as Valedictorian and Sarah left her gym being the Top gymnast with a record on beam

- his first year there Davey lives in a dorm and promises himself to try new things, one of those things being Archery, which he finds he actually loves and manages to make the team for

- he’s no where near the best on the team, but he’s also not the worst and he found that it helps him destress from school, he likes the precision of it, much like piano and chess, it’s something to focus his mind on

- Sarah manages to win the Beam title at her first NCAA championship and Davey and Jack flew out to see her compete

- Davey and Jack move into an apartment in Woodside together in the summer after Daveys freshman year and Jacks sophomore year, it’s exactly halfway between their respective schools

- while living together they finally finish and publish the book they’d been working on together since those first few months of knowing each other

- they also get a Siberian husky puppy because they think it’ll be cute, they don’t realize just how much Work goes into raising Siberian Husky’s but they take it in stride

- they mostly speak Spanglish in their house, with Davey trying to slowly teach Jack some French

- When Katherine graduates she moves down to LA and she and Sarah move in together

- She goes to work at a big newspaper with the goal of starting her own newspaper one day

- Jack graduates and goes to work as a freelance illustrator, meaning he has the freedom to work when, where, and how he wants but still makes enough money to support himself and Davey

- together they turn their book into a series that gets mildly popular

- Davey Graduates Summa Cum Laude, and gets into Harvard Grad school where he chooses to go for his PHd in Classical Literature and Language

- Jack of course goes with him

- Sarah graduates after 4 straight NCAA titles

- She and Katherine decide to go back to New York to start Katherines newspaper and Sarah to go back and coaches for her old gym and works as a freelance photographer (which Katherines Newspaper often hires)

- Before Davey goes to grad school and they start the newspaper however Davey decides to take a gap year and he, Jack, Sarah and Katherine all go up and spend the year in The Jacobs home town in France

- their family still owns their old farmhouse, though it is a little worse for wear after all the years

- Their friends and Family come up for the winter holidays and Davey doesn’t think he’s ever been this happy in his entire life

- while there Sarah volunteers to coach at a gym training actual upcoming Olympic athletes

- Katherine writes for her online newspaper in prep for actually building it

- and Jack and Davey work on the next book in their series

- they have the most amazing year

- and just before their set to go back home and start up the next chapters of their lives, Jack makes the move to make those lives a little more combined than they were

- he proposes while sitting on their old treehouse, sun setting across the expansive field in front of them

- Davey of course says yes

- Their wedding is small, just their friends and family and it’s a perfect mixture of them, art and literature

- every place setting has a quote on it specifically for the person who’s seat it is as well as a small drawing to go with it

- Sarah walks with Davey down the aisle, and their husky is the ringbearer

- it’s a perfect day

- Sarah and Katherine get married in a Huge over the top ceremony and it’s amazing and fun and everything they are

- After about 2 years Jack and Davey make the plunge to try surrogacy, their plan was to have two kids a few years apart, which didn’t quite work considering the first time they tried they ended up getting twins

- Two girls affectionately named Aurora and Luna (the sun and the moon)

- it ironically happened that Sarah and Katherine were also trying for kids at the same time, and neither had told the other in hopes of it being a fun surprise

- it Was a surprise to find out they were both expecting at the same time, with Katherine’s due date just a mere 2 weeks after theirs

- they end up having a little boy named Mason, and their kids grow up just as close as they did, and the rest is history.

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docholligay · 2 years

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Shamash Answers: The Children’s Corner

Question was: Doc Holligay is now the host of a Children's show. What is the title and premise? Elaborate as much or as little as you care to.

THE WINNERS

Doc Holligay and a ragtag group of children travel the universe in her spaceship, confronting and dismantling the lies adults tell to children (and to each other) trying to maintain the status quo. Jet Wolf is there as your talking animal sidekick. Let's call it STATUS NO.-- @thepreciousthing

I need you to know the title of this made me laugh so hard, and also Jetty and I decided this is what my cheap puppet talking animal friend Jet Wolf looks like:

You’re hosting a circa 1990s Nickelodeon Kids’ Game Show themed around the Wild West (TM), complete with themed obstacle course and ‘historical’ quiz for the right to challenge the obstacle course (so we can claim it’s got educational content) which you have to read with a straight face. Said historical connections basically begin and end with ‘Billy the Kid was an outlaw and he was born in 1859.’ The obstacle course consists of about five discrete sections mixed and matched from the backlot, with names like the ‘Cactus Climb’ (in which the kids must climb large foam cactuses) and ‘Saloon Door Slam’ (getting through a series of very heavy-resistance saloon doors), all of which are sized for adults rather than twelve-year-olds. You managed to talk them out of the most blatantly racist obstacle sections. There is slime. Your cohost is a ‘talking buffalo’ in a custom fursuit that cost a good third of the total budget. You are standing between him and the slime. You are dead inside and regretting every moment you thought becoming an actor of all things was a good idea. Plaster on that smile, because it’s the Wild West Wilderness Trek with Doc Holligay and Buffalo Bill! -- Regalli

The ENTIRE time I was reading this, I was just cursing at you and saying “This is just Legends of the Hidden Temple! This is just Legends of the Hidden Temple!” and yet somehow yes, this is terrible and absolutely perfect, and also Jetty is the one in the Buffalo Bill suit.

"Dr. Holligay's Big Book of Everything" - a life skills educational show in which the titular Dr. Holligay (our host) offers simple, easy to digest pieces of important life knowledge for kids as a foundation to be built upon, including things like "the names of car parts," "you may be too small to cook a full dish but here's how to crack an egg at least," etc., with the occasional wildlife/animal safety segment from Dr. Jill. Obviously this would work best in conjunction with the universe where you've also added home ec and shop class and other practical skills into the American school required curriculum, but I imagine it could be very useful on its own too!-- @wouldntyoulichentoknow

YES. I get so frustrated with people sometimes, not always in a fair way, about not knowing stuff that I consider BASELINE, and if Sesame Street is there to help teach basic literacy, and Mr. Rogers there to teach basic empathy, I will be there to teach basic life skills. I would love it if no kid went to kindergarten not understanding how to make a grilled cheese and how the gas goes in the car.

I can't think of a title, but I would actually love to see you do a Torah discussion and Jewish history/culture show for kids. I feel like, even though I did go to an evening/weekend Hebrew school as a kid, reading and discussing the torah (which I would have lapped up like a sponge) really wasn't their priority compared to singing songs I hated and telling super sanitized stories that I found boring. I understand that things do need to be age appropriate but I definitely think that the THREE DIFFERENT SYNAGOGUES I eventually was at all being dull pointed to there also being an issue in engagement. -- @dancinginredshoes

An advantage or disadvantage Midge will have, depending on who you ask, is I am going to be a lot of her formal Jewish education, because we can’t afford a full time rabbi anymore and so have a rotating cast of students. I very much have my own ideas about how kids should be taught to engage with the Torah, and nice songs aren’t NOT a part of it, but I think past a point you have to be taught the level of questioning that Judaism is, at core, about. Luckily my community is pretty into this--last week, we had a little girl going around grilling the adults about what WE think God wants from us, and why God didn’t make EVERYONE Jewish, and why does God WANT us to be Jewish? And everyone was very much “What a great question! I think...” so I have some hope ALL THIS TO SAY YES, as Midgie gets bigger I may be taking over as the children’s educator (lol pour one out for every Jewish child in our radius) despite not growing up with a lot of formal Jewish education, so I have MANY thoughts on this.

Holigay's Histories! This is an edutainment show similar to Bill Nye, only covering history. Two major things set this show apart and make it an instant smash hit: 1. You're allowed one swear word per episode. 2: You never really sugar coat the history, and are incredibly honest to the kids.-- @shavedjudomonkey

I would LOVE to be the history Bill Nye/Wishbone.

#eights days shamash drawing

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