#absolutely TRAGIC in hindsight
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So something hit me: Futaba and Haru's "wishes" were to have their dead relatives back from the dead albeit idealized versions of themselves while Sumi's was to CONTINUE BEING her dead relative but an idealized version of them. Holy shit guys... The parallels/foils!
#persona 5#p5#persona 5 royal#p5r#p5r spoilers#crossposted from twitter#starchild rambles#sumire yoshizawa#kasumi yoshizawa#haru okumura#futaba sakura#like there is a lot to unpack with this#like Sumi is just... beyond messed up with her actions and wish#and it's absolutely fascinating!!#atlus you cowards!#some of us want to learn more!#like yeah haru's case was kinda messed up but it felt more tragic same with futaba's in a way#(Okumura isn't abusive and Wakaba isn't neglectful)#but sumi's? ohhh boy#might be why i started to ship her with Akechi more in hindsight#like good god the wasted opportunities along with the little accountability for this girl#(because it was still selfish regardless of how you spin it)
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head, heart, hand. {Felix Catton/Reader/Oliver Quick}
Part 17.
Summary: Learning little things, and big things, on these summer days. About each other, and how the world sees you all, in the garden, in the family room, in hindsight, in the study late at night.
{ masterpost }
Need to Know: They/Them. Explicitly NB Reader. FWB!Reader/Felix. Reader is from a well off family but has pretty much been adopted by the Cattons.
Warnings: reader, felix, venetia, and oliver getting high in the garden together, some degrading language (kind of a given any time venetia and reader are in the same room at this point), heavy discussion about the reader's parental trauma/neglect
A/N: 5812 words. i think i cast venetia in a bad light sometimes which i feel bad about because i love her to pieces, and she and the reader love each other very much its just that she's gotten used to being arguably too verbally prickly with them in order to rile her brother up mostly, and she forgets (and maybe i do too) what that looks like from the outside. anyways, just for absolutely no reason whatsoever, have you ever looked up what different flowers mean in flower language? much to think about.
TAGLIST IN COMMENTS!! // TAGLIST ALWAYS OPEN ! (just message or comment to be added)
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Venetia rolls her joints with little hearts at the end where the filter would go if it were simply a cigarette. It's a trick she learned during what she calls her 'gap year', what Elspeth calls her 'grand wine tour of Europe', and what Felix and Farleigh have recently started cruelly referring to as 'the year Venetia inspired a TV show'. While you do think it's mean, you also quietly agree that Billie Piper bares a striking resemblance to the young Catton woman in the ads you'd seen for Secret Diary of a Call Girl. Cruel implications is all you would say on the matter, not that either of the boys had been game enough to say it to her face.
But the thought floats through your mind in this moment, taking just a moment to admire the way she's expertly curled the paper before you bring it to your lips. She watches you with that smile that tends to intimidate others, sharp and mean and hungry, sharp gaze on your lips as you inhale, lips remaining sealed as you offer the next hit to Felix on your right. Venetia's focus follows the joint, straying from you to admire the way her brother takes a hit before he too passes it on to Oliver.
Felix muses to no-one in particular about how long it's been since he'd been out here to the Fairy Ring Garden, but only gets a response from Oliver, and a strained one at that as your guest holds smoke in his lungs as long as he's able, muttering that it's beautiful. Sitting on the grass in the morning sun, you squint at the iPod in your hands, trying to choose some music.
Venetia suggests Amy Winehouse. Felix calls his sister tragic under his breath, to which she flips him off. Still, it's the best suggestion you've got so far, so moments later, the singer's rich vocals warble out of the little, portable speaker you'd plugged into the headphone port.
"Good dog," Venetia says with a particularly mean sneer in her brother's direction as she takes the iPod out of your hands to place it on the grass, replacing it with the joint you'd all been passing around once more. Out of instinct, you place your free hand on Felix's chest, telling him that whatever reaction he was going to have really wasn't worth it. Venetia rolls her eyes, "boo, you whore," she snarks, laying back on the grass.
"I'm taking the rest of this as compensation for emotional damages," you hold the joint between two fingers, telling Felix to just roll another from the kit still sitting in the middle of the impromptu circle the four of you had made. Much to both yours and Felix's surprise, Oliver moves too quickly to let him, rolling with the air of someone who'd seen it done often without having done it himself.
Both you and Felix watch him for quite a while as he stumbles through the task like a baby deer taking it's first steps. Things are getting fuzzy and warm around the edges already, and you're caught up in watching the way Oliver's hands work.
"Why 'd you put up with her?" Oliver asks bluntly, frowning at his work. Venetia's indignant 'hey' goes otherwise ignored by the three of you and it takes a long moment for Felix to respond.
"She's my sister?" But in his confusion it sounds more like a question, talking about Venetia like she's not even there. But Oliver stops, and finally looks at him; he offers a rather sad looking, clearly unfinished joint, not as an offering but as a silent request for help. Felix takes it and tries not to look too endeared by Oliver's failed attempt as he fixes it.
"Not you, Felix," Oliver, after a moment, looks away from Felix, right to you, eyes wide and earnest as he watches you take a long draft of your own joint, now burned well down. His gaze makes his intentions clear, but still he offers, "she's mean to you too." Too, like he'd pointed out about Farleigh all those months ago.
"They like it," Venetia scoffs at the sky dismissively, but Oliver refuses to acknowledge her, even if Felix takes a moment to scowl at his sister and her constant, casual degradation of you. But a slow, amused smile spreads across your lips in the moments that follow, you can't help it.
"I love that you worry about me, Ollie," you sigh almost dreamily. Clearly not expecting that, you have the pleasure of watching Oliver blush with surprise, "you're so fucking pretty, Ollie," you add, though you're pretty sure you couldn't have stopped yourself from saying that out loud if you tried. He blushes harder, while Felix and Venetia both try and stifle their giggles; you take another hit, tilting your head just a little as you look at him, analysing him. Finally, when you ask his favourite flower out of seemingly nowhere, Oliver seems like he can't function under your gaze like this, and chooses to lay back in the grass, mirroring Venetia.
"Darling, you're such a lightweight," Felix snorts, speaking from the corner of his mouth as he holds the rerolled joint between his lips as if intending to light it. Before he can flick the lighter on, however, you take his chin gently in hand, guiding him to you, pressing the still-glowing end of your own joint to his unlit one for several long seconds, until his caught successfully.
When you and Felix join your companions in laying back on the grass, you do so together. His arm is around you, coaxing you to lay with your head on his chest, beside him under this perfectly blue sky.
"Why would you want to know something like that?" Oliver's voice reminds you he's there only moments later.
"Because their robot brain needs to know everything about everyone at all times," at least Venetia sounds fond when she chimes in, even if her words aren't exactly the most complimentary.
"You're lucky you're pretty, Vee," Felix cuts in with a casually cruel tone; you can feel the way he twitches with irritation, "because you have so few other redeeming features."
"I am pretty," Venetia agrees airily, pointedly ignoring his insult, "you're such a darling brother, Felix," she adds with painfully sarcastic faux-sweetness. Felix's only response was to sigh with incredibly loud disappointment, while you tried to stifle your giggling, caught up in the sensation of him tracing abstract patterns up and down your arms, and the idea that you could count on the ever-relaxed Felix Catton to always come to your defence. Had this been the case for years? Over a decade? Yes. Would it always make you a little bit giddy to think about? Almost definitely.
"And it's not like I'm wrong," Venetia finally broached the silence once more, "as if they don't already know our favourite flowers," she points out, before making a rather insistent noise. You bark at her command, it seems - those cheerful little yellow ones on the inner ring of flowers - dismissive, but the sound of her scoff has you correcting yourself, suddenly feeling a sting of shame and not quite knowing why.
"The chrysanthemums." The other three echo the name of the flower, one right after the other, all taking turns to turn it over in their minds and mouths as you almost burn your fingers finishing off your joint. As if trying to prove yourself, you add, interrupting them all, "Fi's are forget-me-nots."
Felix seems surprised to agree, like even he'd forgotten that detail about himself, or perhaps forgotten that he'd shared it with you, while Venetia's laughter has turned fond and knowing; it's a little condescending too, like she'd expected as much from you, but you try not to dwell on it. It's Oliver's voice that you focus on, endeared as he quietly murmurs the name of the flower to himself, like he can't quite believe something as soft as Felix having a favourite flower.
"Now I'm curious, Ollie," Felix finally speaks up, and you hear the grass shift beneath his head. He must be turning to look at the man in question, "do you have a favourite flower?" He pauses for a moment, "or is this one of our weird things, like wearing cuff-links to dinner every night?" He tries to play it off, but there's those notes of self consciousness that you're surprised he often gets when talking about tradition around Saltburn.
The grass near Oliver rustles, but your comfort overrides your intrigue to watch him.
"I think it's fox... Something?" Oliver says after a moment, "my favourite flower," he clarifies, "I haven't put much thought into it," he admits. You hum thoughtfully before asking if it could be foxglove. He confirms as much before going quiet.
There's a lull that follows in which Felix asks after Farleigh's whereabouts. Farleigh should be here, your hazy mind immediately chirps, you love Farleigh! Venetia sighs, sounding incredibly put-upon to be explaining that Farleigh was in the computer room, obsessing over his ex-boyfriend's MySpace updates that he'd missed lately. The ones about the tour.
"The guy from that Broadway show?" Felix asks with vague interest.
"No, his ex-girlfriend is touring with that Broadway musical, that he knows about, that he at least pretends he doesn't care about," Venetia corrected, "the ex-boyfriend is that one from that band, the one who wrote that song about him that got nominated for that award?"
"Grammy," you supplied automatically.
"Right," Venetia barely acknowledged you, "anyways, he's on that big, American tour with all those tragic, emo bands that are a big deal, which is apparently news to our dear cousin."
"Is that the one we were all talking about getting tickets to a few months ago?" Felix asks after a moment of silence, patting you on the arm as if his words weren't enough to get your attention. You hum in confirmation.
"I think so; The Warped Tour, we were going to make a vacation of it in LA this summer," you sighed rather forlornly at how the idea never got off the ground, "it was Anabel's idea -"
"- God, she's always been such a groupie for those kinds of boy-band-types -" Felix mutters derisively under his breath as if he hadn't spent the better part of two semesters inviting her to his dorm to listen to him play guitar knowing full well she'd practically be on her knees at the very suggestion. So of course you ignored that aside to finish your explanation.
"- except she turned around and said she hated the line up, when really she didn't want to admit her passport expired and she couldn't be bothered with the paperwork for a new one -"
"Actually," Oliver chimes in, though you're not sure if he was adding to the conversation, or if he'd even been listening, "when I was a boy I got to go to this botanical garden that had all these fancy flowers usually from the rest of the world." Oh. Flowers again? Sure. "There were these ones that got flown in from Australia, and I couldn't help thinking that they weren't worth it to fly all the way over here from Australia. Too long and curly and pointy; pretty, but not the kind that..." something about the way he speaks about the experience, about the flowers, it catches in your mind; Australian, long, curly, pointy, pretty, you tried to commit to memory, "that's worth spending your time on." He clears his throat and his tone seems almost forcibly lighter, "foxgloves are prettier, wouldn't you think? Yeah..."
Silence hangs between you all for several long, pensive moments.
"What colour were they?" You ask softly.
"Foxgloves?" Oliver knows you don't mean the foxgloves. He asks anyways. Everything always for the sake of the act, the pantomime of propriety.
"No."
"Red."
There is no more that needs to be said in the moment, but later you will be grateful when the details stick through the haze of your memories. Through the quiet, Venetia mentions how she misses the purple pincushions, how sweet and strange they were, and how cruel you have been to order the gardeners to prune the flowers before they can ever bloom.
The mere mention of those purple fucking pincushion flowers sours your mood; your one regret amongst your garden, a conceit to Felix that even he wishes he could take back knowing now how much you'd end up hating them. It's been a year since a single purple pincushion has bloomed in your garden, and you've been down here at least once a day all Summer, meticulous, pruning the bulbs yourself with much malice aforethought. Part of you is so filled with fury in this moment that you consider going over and uprooting the plants by hand right now, but Felix's arm around you, Felix's chest, solid and warm beneath your head, Felix's steady heartbeat in your ear, he grounds you.
For now you must simply remain content knowing that none of Eddie's precious, purple pincushions will ever bloom upon the grounds of the Saltburn Estate again.
"Venetia," expression pinched, you address her with far more coldness than you think you've ever directed towards her before, "shut up."
You don't remember when exactly during the day you asked Duncan to fetch you all the botany-related books in the house that made mention of plants native to the Asia-Pacific region. Knowing yourself, and knowing Duncan, however, you're not surprised by the small, neat stack you find the following evening on your desk in the lilac study.
While you fully intended on continuing your trend of wearing something provocative and continuing the pantomime of propriety with Oliver as the two of you had been doing each night for almost a week, Sir James raises the suggestion of a family movie night instead. Felix whines when Venetia and Farleigh champion the suggestion of a scary movie, and pouts when they bully Oliver into agreeing with them.
"Don't ask them," Farleigh groans when you're called upon for your opinion, "they're just going to say whatever Felix said but in a different voice," he rolled his eyes. You and Felix both choosing to flick little pieces of cantaloupe at him from your desserts does nothing but strengthen his argument.
Nobody thinks to ask Poor Dear Pamela her opinion, sitting at the end of the table, looking less than thrilled by the suggestion of The Ring, so everyone else decides that you and Felix are out numbered. On the way back to your rooms to change out of your dinner clothes, Oliver tries to apologise, and Felix tries to pretend that it's fine and he's just putting it on for Venetia and Farleigh and that he absolutely does not have the temperament of a rabbit when it came to anything scary. He is, of course, lying. But Oliver doesn't realise that just yet.
Venetia, always invigorated by a social triumph such as this, and never one to let a well-earned moment of joy pass her by, tucks her arm in Oliver's as the family meets back up in the living room. The moment is not missed by either you or Felix, who both glower at her bold display of affection as she ignores you and pulls Oliver onto the sofa. The large, plush armchair next to the sofa, with it's wide, low arms almost fits both you and Felix, though it's more of a token gesture than anything. No-one is surprised when he pulls you into his lap less than ten minutes after the film begins, arms around you and watching with his chin on your shoulder, ready to hide his face against your shoulder at a moment's notice.
When the film ends and the lights come back on, Venetia finally notices how you and her brother are sitting, and opens her mouth with malicious intent in her eyes.
"Watch it," you warned her before she could say any choice, disparaging remarks, "remember who's kept you off of What Not To Wear the past six years," you remind her; Felix, giving you a little squeeze, levels a smug smile at his older sister over your shoulder. Venetia closes her mouth, expression immediately turning.
"I can't believe they're still making that show," she spits, stalking from the room. Farleigh, finally getting up and stretching, follows her out at a far more relaxed pace.
"I can't believe they're still fighting Y/N to put you on it."
With those two having left, Elspeth and Pamela both give you curious looks, Elspeth asking if it was true. You confirmed as much with a blithe shrug, finally getting to your feet.
"Years ago one of the hosts was trying to track Ven down after seeing her on a red carpet and word got back to dad - or, well, his assistant at the time - and he remembered that I'm pretty close with the Cattons," you gave a humourless smile, offering Felix your hand to help him up from the sofa, which he gladly took, "however Ven was deeply offended when I asked her if she wanted to be on the show," Felix let himself chuckle at that, while Oliver was taking longer to stand, strange look on his face as he listened to you with surprisingly rapt attention.
"And they've been, what, continuing to ask after her even though she's said no?" Elspeth frowned, but you sighed, shaking your head.
"No, apparently Ven sent in a particularly rude letter despite me informing them of her refusal, and now dad's assistants seem to think I'm her agent and I get a call every time the show is threatening to add her photo to a montage of worst-dressed celebrities."
"Didn't she freak out when you refused to get an episode pulled when they actually did it?" Felix snorts, to which you rolled your eyes.
"That's why dad's assistants keep calling me, because of how she reacted to that episode."
You do feel a little bit bad for Venetia in this moment, when you see the resigned disappointment in both her parents' eyes at the story. The rest of you do finally filter out at this point, all heading back to your separate rooms. The walk is quiet for the most part, except for when Oliver, who'd been looking as though he was ruminating very hard on something, looks to you.
"Y/N, what does your dad do for work?"
You know and hate that Oliver sees the moment in which his question makes you uncomfortable, no matter how much you try to not let it, nor how desperately you try to hide it. Shrugging as you desperately shoot for casual, you sigh.
"I'm pretty sure your guess is as good as his," you say blithely, so casually evasive that Oliver doesn't really think to call you out on it before you get to your room. But after you and Felix wish him good night and head into your room, you close the door and slump against it with a heavy sigh. Felix lets you have this moment of respite to yourself, quietly moving about the room, getting ready for bed.
"Do you think they'll even show up?" Finally Felix breaks the silence, and you just make a vague noise, "to the dinners they told mum they'd be at," he clarified after a beat.
"Probably," you muttered, dejected at the prospect as your mind wanders to the couple who reluctantly created you.
"They asked about you," you admit to Felix quietly. From what you can hear, he stops, "mum, specifically," the memory of the phone call with your grandmother burned bright in your mind; it wasn't particularly recent, had happened at the start of your last semester, but you'd kept it to yourself for so long. You'd tried to disconnect yourself from it, tried to take solace in your grandmother's fury on your behalf, but you feel your face heat up with your own anguish, "asked how you were and if you were still living in 'that beautiful house with the Reubens and all those royal portraits'," voice trembling with both heartache and resentment, you slide down the door, tears welling even as you had your eyes squeezed tightly shut.
"Nan sounded so angry when she told me," you whispered, knees drawn up to your chest, "I've never heard her like that; she made it sound like she yelled at mum for- for- for ages -" you feel when Felix settles down beside you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close. This is when you finally break, when you finally let yourself cry, whimpering, "but I bet mum just hung up on her the minute she felt like the fucking victim."
Felix isn't the one who needs to be apologising right now, but part of you knows you'll never get one from the people you crave it the most from. Still, he apologises with his lips against your temple. You know your best friend well enough to know his heart is breaking for you, and fuck you wish you had been strong enough to push back this breakdown, but you couldn't -
"She asked for you by name, Fi, full name," you sobbed curling up in his arms, burying yourself against him in your misery, "they haven't spoken to me or about me in eleven years; they haven't even said my name- they've acted like I don't exist to everyone - everyone - even to my own grandmother for eleven years!"
There's no easy sleep that can be found after a revelation like this, but Felix, even after he manages to drift off, is unwilling to let you go, unwilling to let you feel even the slightest bit alone for the rest of the night. It continues through the next day, even as you assure him you're fine, that you're glad for his comfort but that you've overcome the despair that had hit you so tremendously last night. It's not even much of a lie.
You spend the day with the family who'd taken you in without hesitation, and feel a swell of pride within you as you hear Oliver comment enthusiastically on the Palissy plates Sir James had always loved dearly. You yourself vaguely recall the plates getting a page to themselves in the very book you'd gifted Oliver about Saltburn, so you were glad to see him putting it to good use.
A little white lie about how deep Oliver's love for Palissy genuinely was really wouldn't hurt anyone. Honestly, it was worth it for just how brightly Sir James' eyes shined at one of Felix or Venetia's friends finally taking an interest in his antiquities like that.
But all day, Felix was never too far away. Not that he was incredibly obvious about it, at least not from anyone else's perspective, but you could tell. Quietly, you were grateful, even if you were still trying to convince the both of you that you were okay. Something about being able to just lean back and know he'll be there in times like this, times where you need him to be there but don't know how to say it out loud, is a comfort you never want to take for granted.
You want to thank him but it gets caught in your throat. But standing on his balcony as the sun sets, sharing a cigarette, you take his free hand for this one, quiet moment. Your voice is full of affection, full of thanks, full of love, too much for you to even look at him, focus kept on your hands, your fingers laced with his.
"My Felix."
"Always, love," he kisses your forehead.
That night, the only time you are without him is when you end up in the lilac study, wondering if Oliver will even show up after last night broke the tradition. Either way you'd use the time to continue to go through your botany books on the hunt for red, curly, pointy, Australian flowers. You keep seeing bottle brush but something in your heart said it wasn't right. However long you'd actually spend perusing the books tonight would depend on if you had company.
But eventually Oliver does choose to darken the doorway with that hungry-eyed stare you've never seen in the light of day, and you take your time with noticing him. Tonight you're lounging on the cream sofa in one of Felix's shirts, not even bothering to do the buttons up; you've pulled it mostly close for a pass at modesty, considering the only other thing you're wearing is underwear.
"'re you seducing me?" He sounds amused; you're surprised by how quickly he cuts to the chase, but you try not to let it show.
"Is it working yet?" You turn another page of your book before you finally look up, playing almost at boredom. Oliver, barely visible for the lamp light, the gallery beyond him nothing but shadows, huffs a laugh at that, and for reasons you can't quite understand, he drops his gaze. He breaks the moment, the rules of the game. Oliver doesn't look away, he never has before.
"You trying to get me in trouble?"
"Depends on what you consider to be trouble," your smile grows wider as you carefully set your book to the side, fixing your intrigued gaze upon Oliver properly, "perhaps I'm saving you from trouble." In a sense, the more nights you can get him to spend here with you, the less he's falling prey to Venetia's planting herself beneath his window you're sure she's doing, just as she had with Eddie a year ago. At least this time you've learned.
"I think you may very well be the trouble," Oliver looks up, just in time to see your wicked, delighted grin.
"Then I am definitely trying to get you in trouble," you don't even hesitate before firing off the inuendo, smiling wide and proud at your own quick wit. The sight of Oliver's very genuine smile and laugh catches you off guard too; it'd been so long since you'd seen it, you forgot how taken you were with him when he lit up like that. Then, as the laughter died down, Oliver walks in, he sits with you, lets you lean against him.
"You've been saying a lot of..." he hesitates, turning to you. Oliver wears a strange, lopsided smile, but from the corner of your eyes you see something reserved in his gaze as he takes in the sight of you in this moment, "generous things about me." He's too close to miss the way your breath catches. Venetia and Farleigh are dirty fucking snitches, "'s alright-" he tries, but there's clearly some kind of reservation in his voice as he staves off your stammered apology, "knew what I was getting into, didn't I?"
With Oliver's arm around you, you can't help but wonder aloud -
"Did you?"
"I thought I did," he admitted softly, and you tipped your head onto his shoulder, then you feel him shift, feel his lips on your forehead and voice soft, "I think I thought I'd be alright anywhere if I was with Felix." For reasons you try very hard not to think about in this moment, Oliver's words sting.
"Oh," it almost gets caught in your throat; your traitorous heart sinks in your chest for just a moment. Except Oliver gives you a squeeze, holds you tight as he seems to realise his mistake.
"Of course you're a given," it almost salvages the moment, and of course you feel as though you have to act like it does, but there's something tight and unfamiliar balling up in your chest. "Felix loves you," Oliver sounds almost wistful, words coming out more like a faint breath, but perhaps it's this strange new feeling in your chest that makes him harder to read in this moment.
"He loves you too, Ollie," you tell him, forcing yourself to inject some levity into the moment. This time it's you who moves, who turns your face to Oliver, forehead against his as you muster up the warmest smile you can manage, pressing against him, making a show of overwhelming affection, "we both do," of course, your tone says, obviously.
And Oliver actually giggles at that, so it must work. In the next moment he's pulled you into his lap. It's so easy for you to readjust, to fit in his arms, in his space, against him, like it's where you were always meant to be.
"Is that you talkin' or Felix talkin'?" Oliver asks finally when you've got your arms settled around his neck, "I don't mind, I'd just like to know."
"What 'd you mean?" You ask, curious about the wording and it's implications. Oliver visibly hesitates, though he seems more embarrassed for whatever was about to come out of his mouth than anything else.
"Speakin' with Venetia made me realise how little I actually know about you," Oliver says carefully. Almost immediately your expression sours, and a long, exasperated sigh is pulled from you, "she's a deeply confusing woman, isn't she?" He adds almost like an afterthought, and you barked a quiet laugh.
"That is a very kind way of putting it," you offered diplomatically after a beat, before letting go of Oliver and leaning yourself back against the arm of the sofa, considering your next words carefully. His hands come to rest on your stomach, but you're surprised when he does up two of the buttons of Felix's shirt, providing you with a little more modesty. Then, his hands come to rest on your stomach and thighs, warm and unmoving.
"You're a deeply confusing individual yourself," Oliver pushes softly, "when I think about you too much, I realise there's not much to think about, least nothin' you've told me," and you hum noncommittally, looking up at the ceiling. The next words that escape you are from a script you'd thought was long buried.
"Yeah but that's kind of the point; I'm not really meant to matter, or be looked at, or thought about -" the words seem to shock even you, eyes going wide as you look to Oliver. The intensity of his stare has your heart hammering against your ribs as you try to back pedal, "sorry- that's not- I mean- sorry, that's really not, anymore that is -" you didn't even believe that anymore, right? Your place in the world as impressed upon you by your own parents for the first ten years of your life. Surely having spent more time by now with Felix and the Cattons than you ever had with them was enough to rewrite a good deal of the cruel way in which you'd been hardwired.
Oliver reaches out, caressing your cheek with that confident smile he only ever seemed to wear when the sun couldn't see him. He tells you that you matter, with absolute sincerity. Then, expression lightening to something fond, even teasing, he warns you not to let Felix catch you talking like that, that his love for you was the kind that would have him throwing a parade just to prove that self-doubt wrong. It was a nice mental image, if only for a moment. You, Oliver, Felix, not necessarily a parade for you per say, but a mess of colour and joy and music in the city, together and happy and -
"I don't know if you'd want that," Oliver's grin is fading, and finally you sit back up, let yourself be wrapped up in him as he continues to trail his fingers across the edge of your face, down your throat, across your collar, "but then again Venetia thinks you don't even know how."
"How what?" Voice barely more than a whisper, you know he can feel how quick your heart's beating, his hand flat and warm on your sternum.
"How to want for yourself, 'least not anything outside of Felix," he keeps his gaze trained on his hand, heel of his palm pressing firmer just over your heart, "which is why I asked; you said you loved me, is that you or Felix talking when you say that?" And finally he looks at you. That tight, sharp feeling in your chest spikes when he meets your gaze. He looks so earnest, so open, so ready for either answer.
But you stand, leaving both yourself, and Oliver's lap cold, but hoping your smile is warm enough compensation. Except you can hear in his voice that he believes Venetia; she'd confirmed what he'd suspected, it's what he left unsaid the night you'd slept with each other. The only thing you wanted was so easily met; to be wanted, and seemingly content with nothing more outside of Felix. A contented sycophant, easy to please and happy to be used; you knew the world was happy with this being your place in it.
And the more you think about it, the more you think Oliver is too.
"Of course it's Felix," you tell him what you're almost certain he wants to hear. No need to scare him off with the expectations of your own feelings on his shoulders. Oliver watches you for a long moment, simply observing as you smile wider, and hope that it comes across as adoring, "which means of course I do love you too, that's a given, Ollie." The sharp discomfort is scraping at your ribs, more painful with each word, hollowing out your chest moment by moment, so you bid him good night, unable to bare the conversation for much longer.
"Just one favour, by the way, if you could," you add by the door. He makes a noise of intrigue, but you can't even bring yourself to look at him. It'll be another just person looking at a placeholder while they're waiting for Felix to be ready to love them back. Usually you don't mind. Usually it's enough and you can still enjoy their company and have your fun. But they aren't Oliver Quick, "just... please refrain from properly fooling around with Venetia? I know I sound like a hypocrite but," you take a deep breath, smiling wide enough that you don't even have to see Oliver, "it kind of goes back well beyond just you."
The next morning, stopping into the study before you head down to breakfast, you intend to collect the book you'd finally found those red flowers in. Top of your pile, you'd left it open on the very page. But you find that someone has turned the page. Scabious, in full bloom, mocking you, surely.
The botany book lay like a bitter seductress on your desk, left open, pages spread and staring up at you; purple fucking pincushions.
#felix catton x reader x oliver quick#felix catton x reader#saltburn x reader#saltburn imagine#felix catton imagine#oliver quick x reader#felix catton x y/n#felix catton x you#oliver quick imagine#oliver quick x y/n#oliver quick x you#oliver x reader x felix#head heart hand fic#venetia catton x reader#venetia catton imagine#manic writer
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I've seen a lot of folks talk about how in-universe things would be different in a modern AU, but I'm curious if you have any thoughts about how Animorphs and its world building would be if it were being written now in a (post?-) war on terror world rather than a post-Vietnam War world.
So this'd be speculation, but. But a lot has changed since 1996. We'd probably get YA Animorphs if published today (sigh), and we'd definitely get 6 or 12 oversized tomes rather than 54 slim paperbacks. On the plus side, we'd get canon queer rep, especially Tobias and Marco, and we'd get updated animal facts.
And then there's the War on Terror. Controversial opinion: I think it wouldn't change that much about Animorphs, because it's obvious in hindsight that Applegate saw the foreverwar coming.
Like, look at Marco's speech in MM2 about how the U.S. is "always on the lookout for new enemies... Enemies 'R Us, EnemyMart, J.C. Enemy. Don't worry, we'll find one." Or his point in #46 about how "global warfare is a thing of the past. That’s what people think, anyway" and the inherent danger in war becoming this glorious abstraction to too many Americans. Look at Visser's point about how humans "tear down a living man but revere a dead one" and use tragic deaths to forward the political agenda, whatever that might be. Look at Jake's job in #54, developed because "terrorism had grown... religious extremists... antigovernment paranoids... latter-day racists."
And then look at the andalites. "Police force of the galaxy" (#8), "Meddlers of the galaxy" (HBC), who often do more harm than good to the planets they try to save. They try to use their tech and military advantages responsibly... but not so responsibly that they're willing to give up even an iota of power to save lives. We first meet the andalites as the absolute good guys, and then over the course of the series that foundation crumbles (#8), and crumbles (#18), and crumbles (#19), and crumbles (#38), until Jake and Eva are "making deals with taxxons and yeerks to gain a victory fast enough to keep the andalites from deciding... to blast the entire planet out of existence and take out the bulk of the yeerk race along with the human race" (#53). Sound like any countries you know?
Anyway, Animorphs shows the Afghanistan War wasn't caused by the Sept. 11 murders any more than World War I was caused by Franz Ferdinand's murder. Applegate was writing in a U.S. itching for any moral-looking excuse to go to war, and clearly she knew it.
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Consider the following:
If Weiss and Yang as a pairing have ‘divorced married couple’ energy,
Then Ruby and Blake as a pairing have ‘Tragic Anime Yuri’ energy.
The kind where they absolutely love each other, yet also unwittingly enable the fuck out of each other’s self-destructive tendencies.
Like in the early volumes, particularly volume 2, I think it’s all too easy to imagine Ruby going right along with Blake’s self-destructive spiral chasing Torchwick and the White Fang if she was more in the loop. Rather than giving Blake the intervention she actually needed like Yang did.
Likewise in later volumes, if we’re looking to single out the teammate who most unwittingly enabled Ruby’s self-destructive hero-complex, I think we should be looking at Blake.
I mean just look at Blake’s heart-to-heart to Ruby in Volume 8. Sure, in the moment it’s cute and heartwarming and Blake is clearly trying her hardest to help Ruby and give her support.
But in hindsight, ESPECIALLY after Volume 9? Yeah, Blake was unknowingly playing right into Ruby’s hero-complex. As in, putting Ruby up on a pedestal with that ‘I look up to you’ statement and generally putting more pressure on Ruby to BE that ‘perfect hero’ that’s eventually going to break her.
It’s subtle, but it’s pretty clear that from Volume 6 on, Blake is absolutely Ride or Die for Ruby, possibly the MOST out of any of Ruby’s friends and teammates. Whether it’s subtle moments like Blake’s ‘We’ll follow your lead, Ruby’ at the start of Volume 7, or more obvious points like Blake siding with RUBY over Yang when the team splits at the start of Volume 8.
And I can’t help but think that this dynamic could lead to any potential romance between Ruby and Blake to burn out in truly tragic and angst-filled fashion.
Like Ladybug is the kind of couple where Ruby makes some big, tragic heroic sacrifice to save the world, and Blake proceeds to burn the whole damn world down for just a CHANCE to bring her back.
As in, I’m talking BIG MadoHomu energy. Or Salem energy for something more show-specific.
As in, Blake going “I will never forgive this world for taking someone so pure and perfect.”
So yeah, I’m certainly not saying any of this makes Ladybug a bad ship.
Kinda the opposite really XD
#rwby#rwby rambling#rwby character analysis#Ruby Rose#Blake Belladonna#ladybug#ruby and blake have big tragic yuri energy
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What was your 9/11 sona
God, I wish I remembered. Unfortunately, while the whole mess is absolutely hilarious in hindsight, back in the day I just thought it was incredibly tasteless and an insult to the people who actually lost loved ones that day (which it absolutely was!), so I was mortified to have to participate in it. But I didn't want to argue the point, cause with how subjective English is, getting on the teachers bad side will just obliterate your grade, and I'd always been in the high 90's for english so I wasn't about to break that streak over a stupid insensitive writing assignment. So I grit my teeth, wrote some shitty, generic OC, gave them a tasteless, non-offensive eulogy, then tore up the paper and threw it out the second I got the marked assignment back.
And that was about a decade ago now, so I can't remember any details about my tragically deceased 9/11sona - all I can really remember about grade 9 english is the 9/11 stuff, the teacher being really weird about demanding we say 'zed' instead of 'zee' because we're Canadian, and the look of absolute shock on her face when she informed me that I'd gotten a perfect 100% on the reading comp part of the PAT exam (still lowkey proud of that lmao). Moral of the story, don't throw out really embarrassing school writing assignments; they might be hilarious in hindsight.
...The real punchline of all this is that while I went to all that effort to avoid pissing off my teacher and tanking my marks in grade 9, in grade 10 I hit that exact problem literally before my first class had started. I had english in the second semester that year, and my older sibling had given me the book version of Les Miserables as a christmas gift that year, and I was still working on it when school started back up. So I made the terrible mistake of walking into english class about ten minutes early, cracked open my book to pass the time... and then after a few minutes of watching some punk teenager casually reading les mis, the teacher got up, asked me to step out into the hall, then led me into the classroom next door to introduce me to the AP english teacher, and inform him that I was probably better suited for his class. I had to hastily clarify that no the fuck I was not, I had three core classes that semester and a mixup with my one elective meant I was stuck in the goddamn grade 12 band class, so if I didn't have one class I didn't need to put effort into, I would die of stress. Grade 10 english teacher tried to pressure me into taking the AP class anyways, and after I kept refusing, she eventually was like "fine, you can stay in my class, but I'm going to grade you like you're an AP student the whole time."
And for the entire semester, she refused to mark any of my work higher than an 80%. Can you tell I'm still angry about that, because I'm still really fucking angry about it.
#and thats how i got stressed enough to walk directly into traffic (accidentally)#if your route home crosses a busy intersection. do not walk home while having a hardcore dissociative episode#because you will become unable to comprehend traffic lights. and your guess at the safe time to cross will be Very Wrong#shout out to that one truck driver for swerving because wow that could have gone really bad#this story got away from me. the point is i dont remember what my 9/11sona was sorry
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*Doctor Who Spoilers*
So the 60th Anniversary specials have just finished and, for the most part, they were pretty good. David Tennant was as good as ever, the villains felt far more threatening than in recent years and Wild Blue Yonder was pretty close to perfect imo. But something has been lurking in the back of my mind since the final scene of The Giggle. Something that just hasn't let me enjoy the specials as much as I could
My problem is they fucked up 10's arc.
Now, as a person who absolutely loves the 10th Doctor’s era and story arc, 14 felt like a complete smack in the face. 10 was the most human Doctor, and his story is a brilliant deconstruction of who the Doctor is. Yes, he always tried to do good, but his hubris, vanity and selfishness led to his downfall, all of which was spearheaded by him losing Rose, driving Martha away, having to wipe Donna's memory and in the end having to sacrifice himself for Wilf. Was it tragic and sad? Yes. But not everything needs a happy ending. The fact that 10's mistakes came back to bite him was one of the many reasons why I loved that era so much, as whilst he was redeemed by sacrificing himself, his regeneration still held such an emotional impact due to the fact that he'd lost so much and had fallen from grace. It was sad, but it worked. It had weight because it was permanent. It was a unique arc in Doctor Who that should have been left alone.
But then 14 and the specials came along and kind of undid that. Turns out Donna was fine, she just needed to let the Metacrisis go. Turns out all 10 really needed was a holiday. Now he's had a happy ending, just relaxing whilst 15 goes and does all the hard work. Plus, it now means we have an excuse to call back David Tennant whenever we like (look, I love David Tennant and hold nothing against him, it's more the fact that Doctor Who has been blatantly using him as a crutch since 2019). The bi-regeneration also kind of robbed 14 of accepting death and allowing Ncuti to immediately take centre stage. 10's arc just feels cheapened in hindsight, as the weight of his actions isn't really reflected in him getting an "everything was right again" ending.
Of course, it's not all bad, and I'm probably just being incredibly picky. People seem to be really happy that 10 had a happy ending, and I wish I could fully enjoy that too. If we absolutely had to have this ending, then this is the best possible way to have it, it could have been done far more lazily. After all, not everything needs to be depressing and serious. Plus, I did like the specials overall and the fact that David Tennant managed to add more emotional weight to the Flux arc and play a far more experienced and mature Doctor. RTD screamed trans rights, mocked modern Internet culture and gave us the creepiest episode in years, all of which is absolutely fantastic. I just wish that RTD hadn't added more onto 10's arc and tied up the loose ends that didn't need tying up.
#doctor who spoilers#doctor who#doctor who 60th anniversary#rtd#rtd2#rtd2 era#10th doctor#14th doctor#15th doctor#david tennant#russell t davies#ncuti gatwa#donna noble#doctor donna#doctor who discourse#tenth doctor
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Hey there, it's the anon who asked about Maria Reynolds! I realized in hindsight (read: two seconds after I sent the ask lmao) that I got her mixed up with Maria Cosway, and then I realized that I don't know crap about her either. Reading past posts you seem to mostly cover stuff about Hamilton and the people surrounding him, and also Maria Cosway isn't American lol, but I hope you don't mind me at least asking anyway? Sorry for rambling it's cool if you don't answer
hey welcome back! don't worry, you're not the first nor the last person to do that lol. and don't worry! europeans are welcome here, so maria cosway is fair game for asking about. however, apologies for asking questions aren't so i hate you (jk ily <3) now i won't be able to go into as much detail because im not drawing from much of my own personal knowledge, but my internet sources will be linked!
Source: The Judgment of Korah, Dathan and Abriam by Maria Louisa Catherine Cecilia Hadfield Cosway
Maria Louisa Catherine Cecilia Hadfield Cosway was the first child of two hotel owners in Florence, Italy. As a young girl in a convent, she showed proficient artistic talent in both drawing and music. She was educated by Johann Zoffany and introduced her to other European artists.
She began painting by copying other works when she began to get recognition, allowing her to travel Italy. After her father's passing, she moved to London in 1779 and became well connected. One such connection was with Angelica Kauffman Church (not the same as Angelica Schuyler Church, though she was friends with her two) who was also a female painter.
Maria was introduced to Richard Cosway in London, and they were married in January 1781 for primarily financial reasons. The couple were within the most fashionable circles of the time. In 1786, the Cosways went to Paris where they met Thomas Jefferson. Maria and Jefferson became friends who flirted an excessive amount, and I found a really interesting article on that here.
Unfortunately, her husband was a grade-A asshole who wouldn't sell her works and stunted her artistic growth. I'm an artist, and I can tell you, a few months off can really do a lot of damage to your muscle memory and suddenly everything you put on paper looks like absolute shit, so I feel for her.
Maria had her only daughter, Louisa Paolina Angelica, in May 1790 but her health suffered afterwards. She went to Italy to recoup and returned to London in 1794. In 1796, her daughter tragically died.
Maria coped by turning to religion, Catholicism to be specifically (been there too, she just like me fr). However, on the plus side, she got her prints published by Rudolph Ackermann and made etchings of paintings at the Louvre which had been stolen during the Napoleonic Wars. She actually knew the Bonapartes personally and their patronage allowed her to open a girls' school at Lyons in 1803, which is so badass. She would later open another school for girls in Lodi in 1812.
Her husband died in 1821, and she sold his work at auction. She used some of the profit from these sales to fund her school in Lodi which is so fucking metal. She was actually made a baroness by the Austrian Emperor and Empress after they visited her school. That's also fucking metal.
She lived the rest of her life in Lodi where she died in 1838 near her school. In conclusion, Maria Cosway was more badass than I realized, and I think she's absolutely lovely. RAHHH WOMEN!!!
I hope this has helped. Again, sorry I haven't been able to go as in-depth, but I don't know Maria like that. I'm gonna give you extra sources just because I love you so much. I hope you can find a jumping off point!! European painters are always interesting, especially if they're badass, metal women who kick names and take ass, so I encourage you to do more research!!!
Sources: Maria Cosway- Royal Academy of Arts
Royal Collection Trust- Maria Cosway Collection (this has her art!!)
American Heritage- Thomas Jefferson and Maria Cosway (this was quoted in the post!)
Yale Center for British Art- Maria Cosway Was a Part of England's First Celebrity Art Couple
#history#maria cosway#maria hadfield cosway#european history#italian history#art history#women's history#18th century#1700s#1800s#19th century#thomas jefferson#angelica schuyler#angelica schuyler church#asks
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2023.09.24 5 Star GP 2023 in Sanjou
Sanjou City Public Hall
504 people (sold out)
Hanan vs Waka Tsukiyama
The Hanan to Club Venus saga continues. I mean not really since Mariah was about to leave and it’s more just a fun interaction than a real story per se but it’s still fun seeing them interact. Anyway I thought this was a perfectly solid singles opener. Maybe a little slow but I think that’s understandable given Hanan was in the 5 Star and this is right in the peak of when people were dropping like flies. It’s interesting in hindsight given where Hanan’s at now and the two of them feuding over the New Blood Tag belts but nothing crazy, totally fine for what it is. - 3
Koguma vs Saki Kashima vs Yuna Mizumori
Wow…. Saki before the days of “No running, no bumps, no high speed”... I had fun with this but it’s also a very standard house show sort of high speed three way. It was fine and the finish was fun but there was really nothing to it and all 3 of them can for sure do more. In my insane dedication to watching my backlog shows it’s such a bummer seeing perfectly fine matches like this that just have no story running through them at all. - 2.5
Suzu Suzuki & Mei Seira vs Megan Bayne & Hanako
Mei really really brings out the best in Megan and Hanako is so good, especially for how long she’d been around at this point. I don’t like Megan no-selling and warping a whole match around her at the best of times, but she actually gave Suzu & Mei a little, and even got to lose bc she was with a rookie! She’s also at her best just literally tossing someone like Mei around, even better given how much fun Mei obviously has doing it. She took some gnarly bumps here too that were really not necessary for what the match was or this house show but I hope she had fun. - 3
Red Stars: Syuri vs Starlight Kid
I thought about skipping this match bc I didn’t really want to watch Kid bust her ankle, but she came in with it already taped up and was pretty clearly trying to work around it already. Given she was working against that I thought this was really solid and I remain pretty consistently impressed the 5 Star is as good as it was given the backstage stuff at the time. I liked Kid trying to work Syuri’s leg vs Syuri being. Syuri. And you could kind of see Daichi and Syuri using the fake checking on Syuri’s knee at the end to actually check on Kid’s ankle, which I thought was sweet. I’m sure in a better situation Kid and Syuri could do way more than this but I still liked it. Oh, and the booking of this show itself - like, the order of the card was fucked. Why on earth was this not the main. On a 5 Star show where it’s the only 5 Star match???? - 3
Mina Shirakawa & Mariah May vs Natsuko Tora & Ruaka
Every Rose Gold match is a precious treasure to be cherished, and this was the last one…. Truly tragic, not doing anything crazy but an enjoyable sendoff for a tag team I would not have expected to like as much as I did or see kiss as much as I have. I hope everyone else is taking notes. - 3
Giulia & Maika vs Hazuki & Saya Iida
This would be like a perfectly fine house show main event but again it’s just absolute nonsense that this was the main to this show. Has no character stuff really at all even, coming during a weird down period in the on-again-off-again Maika leaving DDM story that ultimately went nowhere. Not that that's their fault but it still sucks. I did actually end up enjoying this more than I expected to, my hopes weren’t high going into it but I enjoyed every combination of people in this and Hazuki and Maika in particular were really cooking, that could very much be My Shit and I’d love to see a lot more from them together. I mean I would like to see a lot more from Hazuki all of the time in any context but this was a good combo. All in all perfectly solid house show when you take into account when it took place and what was going on. - 3
#I am trying to briefly sort of journal out reviews of shows after I watch them and post that more often#long post
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To follow up with a more positive post from my ‘top 5 dumbest criticisms debunked’ here’s a list of adorable and well-thought-out details from Thor: Love and Thunder, which, while not that difficult to spot, I appreciated even more the second time round.
- The costume department made Tessa Thompson at least four different perfectly tailored suits for approximately eight seconds of footage. Was it a waste of fabric? Absolutely not.
- Jane isn’t just a sci-fi nerd for reeling off films that explain wormholes well, her Halloween costume in the montage is Ash from Alien, post chest-burster scene.
- Thor has Nick Fury’s contact saved to his phone as ‘Nick Furry’ which will never not be funny to me.
- Was giving Dwayne a mustache when Kronans have absolutely no capacity to grow facial-hair an absolutely ridiculous decision that some poor vfx artist should have been sacked over? Absolutely. But it was also a really nice callback to Taika’s childhood Freddie Mercury obsession, so jot that down.
- That poor guy who got hit in the face when a certain cape was flung for dramatic emphasis has my sympathies.
- The little broken heart next to Thor’s ‘RIP Loki’ tattoo was hilarious and tragic at the same time.
- It was definitely ‘bring your daughter to work day’ on set, I’ve already seen plenty of people remarking on the adorableness of Chris Hemsworth’s kidlet, but both of Taika’s daughters were among the stolen Asgardian kids and were apparently really mean to Christian Bale.
- Despite having all the trappings of a family-friendly film you get multiple ‘oh shit’ lines, though it feels entirely appropriate to the tone of the scenes, there are also at least two references to a mass orgy held on a regular basis in Omnipotent City.
- All of the snacks in the vending machine Thor breaks are region-appropriate, which pleased me as someone who grew up only getting to eat that stuff in Finland or on family trips to IKEA and ngl, if I was having to pay like 2-3 euros for a pack of Marabou or some salmiakki, and I had super-strength, I’d probably just smash the thing too.
- Glad to see independent theatre is still thriving in New Asgard, but the irony of Valkyrie being very done with the two actors while wearing a Phantom of the Opera t-shirt was not lost on me. Her being a closet theatre-kid seems pretty on-brand.
- Sif still being a badass sword-fighter with only one arm (why is that such a common injury in the MCU?)
- Idk why, but the scene on the boat where the straight half of the crew are outside doing straight things while Korg and Valkyrie are propping up the bar, drinking and discussing being gay felt... weirdly relatable. If that isn’t how you and your friends end up at the tail-end of a house-party don’t @ me.
- It seemed a really odd choice at first to have a film with three semi-sentient weapons that have their own personalities and a fourth that’s just kind of there, but in hindsight it’s also hilarious. Stormbreaker’s got beef with Thor and Mjolnir and the Necrosword parallel each other beautifully (both are slowly killing the person that wields them, but the motives are polar opposites) so I kept waiting for the thunderbolt to have some whole hidden agenda of its own, but no, it was the only cool-looking god-level weapon that was... just a weapon.
I’ll probably think of more to add, because I love this film so damn much, but feel free to chip in if there’s any obvious ones I’ve forgotten.
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7 + 1 twenty one pilots ask
i was tagged by @dasloddl!! ty!!
1. when/how did you discover them? + what was the first song you listened to?
- either on the radio or on yt or at work or something like that, sometime in 2015. idk which song exactly but lets be honest, it was prolly stressed out 😅 or one of the other blurryface singles
2. have you been to any concert(s)?
- no 😭 i totally would've seen them on the icy tour but they didn't come to my city 😭 but i'm hoping to go to at least one show on the next tour (either vancouver or, failing that, seattle), and hopefully also the DC show with my bestie!!
3. do you remember where you were when trench dropped (if you were a fan by then)?
- weirdly, yes! it was like 9pm on october 4th, i was at home and got a spotify notification that twenty one pilots had released a new album. i listened to the first three songs, went "ehh", and stopped there 😅 which, in hindsight, is so tragic bc if i'd held out for just one more song i would've gotten to my blood, which is one of my absolute favourites!
4. favourite thing about the clique?
- how smart and kind and inclusive everyone is!! like i know the clique's got it's share of toxic fans, just like any other fandom/community in general, but esp here on tumblr absolutely everyone i've met/interacted with has been sososo friendly and funny and smart and cool <3
5. any memorable/funny/interesting quote (from interviews/bts footage/…) you especially like?
- i'm so bad at thinking up stuff like this off the cuff sldjskdljf there's always smth i think of later that i wish i'd said instead. for right now i'm gonna go with "two happy boys" (or any of the "two ____ boys" riffs that they do), as well as every single story abt how they met 😂
6. what would you want to ask/tell them if you got the chance?
- FREAKING. SO MUCH. i'd want to thank them for rewarding us for looking deeper and caring more and sticking around. i'd want to tell them how what they've done w the dema/trench storyline is legitimately incredible and groundbreaking and to, in their own words, "never put a ceiling on their dreams". i'd also want to talk to them for roughly 6 hours abt death cab for cutie bc i Need To Know their thoughts abt literally everything sdlfkjsdkfl
7. which tattoo would you like to know the meaning of (if you do)?
- i'm honestly fine w not knowing the meaning to any of their tattoos, bc i know they're v personal, but if i could know the meaning of one and have it be totally okay and willingly shared, it would be, for tyler, the symbols tattoo on the side of his forearm, and for josh, the astronaut-getting-beamed-up tattoo on his bicep.
+1. dasloddl's question for me: which album cover do you like best?
- excellent question!! even tho i do love SAI's aesthetic, i think i'd have to go with blurryface on this one. there's just so much meaning behind it!! the pull-out blurry face is genius, the patterns are so fun, it's simple yet evocative. just, stellar art design.
additional question you want to ask the people you tagged:
what do you think the genre/vibe of the next album is going to be?
aaaaand i am tagging @mx-misty-eyed @melxncholyman @timedyne @gonerbird and @re4lize-th4t-its-g0ne!!
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ASK GAME GO!
Godot/Diego Armando 1, 2, 3, 12, 23
1. Why do you like/dislike the character?
I'll be real, I'm a Godot fan, sorry not sorry. I like his nonsensical ramblings and Questionable witness antics, I loooove his sprites, his coffee addiction, his smug attitude, the way he doesn't care for victory for the sake of victory and keeping up a certain reputation as all the other prosecutor's we've seen and it's unclear what it is Exactly that he wants, except for the vague "battling phoenix wright specifically". he's the most chaotic prosecutor we've met not only in the trilogy, but Ever, I think. he's also really tragic. and I do understand where the people who say his desire to protect mia was sexist, but I don't really think it's coming from the fact that she's a woman. I think it's more so coming from a fact that he woke up to a person dear to him having been MURDERED, and he was like, oh fuck, I could have done something for that not to happen, it's all because of me – just trying to rationalize how something like this could have happened at all. and then he found someone else to blame, but it was, in truth, just a way to externalize his inner turmoil and I think transferring his own guilt onto someone else didn't actually Free him from it. only recognizing full agency in mia and her decisions did. in my opinion, he wasn't being sexist, he was being just too very deeply self-loathing, and full disclosure that's actually something I very much relate to. So... his story resonated with me more than it should have.
2. Favorite canon thing about this character?
I don't know, everything I listed above? my absolute favorite out of these is his tragedy, but he wouldn't be nearly as loveable if not for all the other aspects of his personality. well, I think I can also name his design and his music theme. they rock.
3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?
I know I just spent an entire paragraph above explaining why his core motivation isn't sexist to me, but uh, he Is very much a sexist in canon and that's something I can't run away from, I'll never forgive his treatment of franziska, oh my god. and yes, his desire to protect mia could have had a part of that too, because it's not like he believes these things for all women Except Her Because She's Special. I just choose to give him a slightly more charitable reading on that front, because I like him. I truly understand where the people that dislike him are coming from and I'm pretty much at peace with them. yeah, dude's a misogynist. I can fix him though
12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?
- i've seen an amazing fic, where phoenix starts to change his ways of defending only 100% innocent people and after aa3 defends diego on his respective trial, not to acquit him of all charges, but to get him a lower sentence because of the circumstances of the crime. it's ingrained into my soul now.
- I know it's really basic and a lot of other people have this hc, but he suffers from insomnia and a fear of falling asleep, because every dream is a small coma and every night is a little death. Yayyy!
- he regrets never getting enough of mia's trust for her to open up to him. there's so much about her he didn't get to know, extending far beyond her plans to battle redd white, he didn't know her backstory or her motivations, didn't know what she was really feeling behind her confident smile, and I'm not talking about nervousness in court – I'm talking about her grief, anger and desperation regarding dl-6, her complicated feelings about her family, the emptiness inside her heart, pushing her to leave every semblance of a home she had. he didn't get to know her fully, and that, above all else, is his biggest regret. he feels like he failed and never deserved her opening up to him. as always, he can't free himself from guilt and understand it isn't about him or because of him. he doesn't have the benefit of hindsight, and he doesn't know it was actually the only time mia was hoping she was going to stay. he doesn't know she intended on opening up. he doesn't know she would have trusted him, if she had the chance.
ANDDD im going to answer 21 instead of 23 because I just couldn't not talk about it!
21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?
I have an au where things end up being really diego-centric because of plot reasons, i.e. the closest thing this au has to an overarching plot revolves around him, and I LOVED getting inside this loser's head and making him even more desperate and bitter and hurting. his smug attitude and the ever-present shit-eating grin don't even work on anyone because of just how bad he has it, so instead of continously putting up a facade, he ends up paralleling mia and closing himself off and running away and being mysterious, and never saying what he really wants to or means, even when it's safe to do so, even when he gets every chance. he rejects every opportunity to be accepted into a group of people where he can belong, he misses every chance to meaningfully connect with someone, for heaven's sake he actively runs away from being forgiven. the only time he asks for help is from a man he shot, and he fully expects to get denied the favor and drown himself in his own guilt further, but when he does get help – he is helped in leaving. he's leaving out to the sea with a huge risk of dying. he's So fucking annoying in this but it was such a pleasure to write. the only times he even gets close to opening up to someone is wasted on him saying yeah I'm guilty haha. I'm a terrible person. leave me alone.
there's also a huge chunk of him hating phoenix wright transferring his guilt onto him and etc, and he's so bitter and desperate he invites phoenix to an actual fucking duel, bringing both guns and throwing one to phoenix, which signifies he doesn't want phoenix to Defend himself, because he could have thought of defending himself on his own terms – he's asking phoenix to kill him. he wants either of them to die in this duel, because it's the only way he thinks he can handle this. yeah so on top of everything I just described he's also actively suicidal.
SO, my favorite thing to do when writing him is making him feel even worse and in turn, making him act even worse! :3
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My Thoughts on the FNAF Movie (Will Contain Spoilers)
Managed to watch the movie last night, and I gotta say, despite being someone who's not a fan of horror movies, I really enjoyed it. Though a massive part of that enjoyment is of course being a huge FNAF fan and that I have a huge soft spot for practical effects.
Okay, so the first thing I wanna say is that I appreciate how the movies seems to be it's own separate continuity from the games and books (although it does heavily reference both), and if we get the sequels, it'll probably be the most coherent version of the story.
Honestly, I think the movie's probably a decent place for a newcomer to start (albeit if they are made aware of there being differences between it and the games). I do feel like modern FNAF is starting to get a bit overwhelming for non-fans, since there seems to be this expectation withing the fandom that everyone is up-to-date with the "lore" as it drops in real time. This is already a lot for someone coming in, and with the ever-growing reliance on the spin off books to give contextual information, things feel like they're complicated...kinda for the sake of being complicated?
So, yeah, I really appreciate that they made the movie's plot followable, while still throwing in a lot of background details for long time fans and lore nuts.
Now, I could make a whole comment on the people saying it's not "scary enough", but honestly, I think they pretty much got the right level of "scary", considering the source material. Like, people are talking about the scare factor and lack of gore as if their aren't several pretty violent deaths that are at least partially onscreen (and in my opinion, the "censorship" makes some of them more effective. The dude who gets locked in the room with Bonnie comes to mind).
I think the "scare/gore dissonance" is coming from a lot of the fan-made content that's been hanging around the internet, and people wanting the canon material to be "like that", then being disappointed when they're reminded that it isn't.
The third thing I really appreciate is how the animatronics are portrayed. Despite common criticism, I think that seeing them alternate between violent and childlike actually makes them more unnerving. Like, in all the scenes where they hang out with Abby, first, it reminds you that they're children, and probably just wanna do, like, kid stuff, and the Fort scene was great for that.
At the same time, I was kinda waiting the whole time for them to turn malicious again any second. This very much applies in hindsight when Mike realises that the kids want to kill Abby so she'll stay with them forever, which casts a lot of their "nice" scenes in a much darker light (though still a very tragic one).
Wonder what'll happen to them now they're (probably) free from Williams control. (Unless Goldie Kid usurps the leader position. Unlike the others, I feel like he's more genuinely malevolent).
Also, Vanessa was done so dirty in the games, so I'm really happy that she has a major role in the story, and I think making her subservient to William via "mundane" means rather then supernatural brainwashing is a better take on both Vanessa and Williams characterisations. Makes him way scarier in my opinion.
Also having Mr. Cupcake be an absolute menace AND the one that finishes off Willy is freaking hilarious (ironically so if you follow the theory from the games that Chica was one of his earlier victims.)
Uh, yeah, I've said quite a lot. I might come back with maybe a theory or two on what the sequels could entail. So, I'll see you all again soon, thanks for reading. :)
#fnaf#fnaf movie#five nights at freddy's#fnaf spoilers#fnaf movie spoilers#five nights at freddys movie#my FNAF autism has been resurrected like Springtrap
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thinking again about oliver's final monologue and the admission of 'i hated him' and how everyone's been discussing if oliver was lying/lying to himself/trying to convince himself/etc and honestly the more I think about it the more im coming to genuinely believe he was being honest. but in that same vein, he absolutely loved felix too, two things can be true. clearly - CLEARLY - he didn't only hate felix, he's spent the past two hours of screen time flashing back to his impossibly tragic summer fling with the man, giving us the most beautiful looks back on the boy in exquisite detail, because you know that's where his mind goes to often, but despite all of both felix and oliver's flaws, it's clearly such a lovingly looked back on memory. and he hates felix for ripping that away from him; for everything he comes to love and adore about felix, there's a part of him that hates him in hindsight for still holding all those qualities without ultimately returning oliver's affection the way he wants, being so wonderful and loveable and yet still denying oliver what he wants from felix. in hindsight he's victim blaming, in hindsight oliver chooses to feel as though felix lead him on instead of taking any kind of real emotional accountability for his actions. in hindsight, to oliver, felix had it coming. at least that's what he tells himself.
i don't believe he hated felix in 2007, i think over the years since he's built up a resentment as a way to cope, to justify himself and his actions, and he may even hate himself for how much of felix he still holds in his heart, and what that love pushed him to do in the end. he hates felix for what he became when felix didn't love him back the way he needed. two things can be true.
I loved him, I loved him, I loved him. By god, I loved him... but sometimes, I hated him.
#oliver quick#saltburn meta#felix catton#felix x oliver#felix catton x oliver quick#saltburn#saltburn 2023#felix saltburn#oliver saltburn#manicpixieart
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I think it's beautifully tragic that it ended up being Sukuna who freed Gojo from his loneliness and made him feel like a human not a god.
It's sad, but it doesn't diminish his love for the students imo.
Objectively, yes. You are absolutely right, Anon. It is a beautiful tragedy. Can't deny that Gege must have crafted #236 as a way to give Gojo a lovely yet ironic send-off. The man everyone touted as the heroic teacher and savior was suffering from isolation brought up by circumstance. Only the villain could save him and end the never ending cycle of sacrifice he was trapped in.
I know it sound ridiculous but frankly, imo, Gojo is sacrificing and being selfless all this time on hindsight. As revealed in the Afterlife Airport, Gojo just wants to have fun and be connected with people. That is his most selfish desire. However, he forgoes those desires and instead dedicated himself into serving others.
Gojo is very simple. Gege said so himself and I could see it only now.
-> Gojo just wants to live happily with friends and have fun with his powers.
-> Gojo realizes he cannot do that because people suffer. Suffering is something he had come to know intimately through Geto and Amanai. He wants no one else to experience that. So, he tries his best to prevent others from going through it by being responsible in his own unconventional way.
-> Gojo tries to build a better world where people get to have a choice (unlike Amanai) and would not have to fight alone (unlike Geto). Both of these are anti-thesis to the current culture of jujutsu society.
-> Gojo cannot kill the higher-ups to get what he wants because it is not a permanent solution since others would just replace them.
-> So, Gojo plays the long game. He undermines the higher-ups by becoming a teacher instead of a simple yet effective foot soldier. This is the toughest part because it's like a Heavenly Restriction. Gojo takes in young sorcerers and acts as a buffer for them. In exchange, Gojo has to do missions with barely any time to spare. Those spare time he does get, he uses it to teach his students in a goofy way.
On the surface level, Gojo looks like a happy-go-lucky asshole who never takes anything seriously. However, the guy is working all the time, isn't he? When does he gets sweets? Between jobs while travelling for missions. When does he play around? While fighting curses or partaking in school events which are essentially his job. When is he being so goofy? While teaching his students which again is his job.
No wonder he is so sadistic against curses and downright nasty with his teasing at times. Gojo needs an outlet from all that stress of being worked to the bone. The guy doesn't get a day-off. Even worse, no one really realizes it because of the first impression he makes as a competent weirdo and his lack of delicacy makes him so off-putting that no one really digs deep on what exactly he is doing or how he is doing. His reputation as "The Strongest' could not have been of any help too.
Gojo has simple goals and is very simple in his methods at achieving it. There are no hidden agendas, double meanings, sugarcoating, or anything. Whatever he says is exactly what you will get.
However, everyone in and out of the JJK-verse, tend to make a molehill out of everything Gojo does or says. No one could get an accurate reading on him because as "The Strongest", he must have something grand up on his sleeves like a selfish plan for some sinister selfish goal.
-> Nanami: He is the biggest example for me among the adults. I love him but it's clear that he does not really like Gojo and misunderstands him a lot. He cares about him like a professional colleague and former schoolmate. However, they're not besties. I think Haibara's loss is too much of an overwhelming barrier between them.
Nanami is wise and mature but it's clear in the story that he is human too. Despite logic telling otherwise, he puts Gojo on an unreachable pedestal and resents him for failing him one time - the death of Haibara. This is something I really like about him because it shows that he is not perfect and his emotions cannot simply be ruled over by cold logic. I'm sure Nanami understands that it was the higher-ups that screwed them over. Hence his protective and supportive nature towards Yuji. But, again since Nanami put Gojo on a pedestal, he cannot help the slight bitterness he would always have towards the Six Eyes user.
Because of that bitterness, Nanami does not see Gojo beyond the surface level. Although, another reason might be is that he is scared to see Gojo as human who can get hurt like them too. To think of Gojo as a person might break Nanami's worldview.
-> Megumi: His relationship with Gojo is complicated to say the least. While I love to headcanon them as a loving perfectly functional family, I know in canon that they're not exactly all sunshine and rainbows together.
Megumi has a very bad first impression of Gojo and it is something that persists throughout their times together. He is like that "first-child" phenomenon of a parent figuring things out on how to properly treat a child and got fucked up by it.
Gojo did did everything wrong in their first interaction. He did save Megumi and Tsumiki. He even gave the kid a choice on what to do and was planning on telling him the truth about Toji. Those were kind actions BUT that was after Gojo delivered the disgusting news about Megumi being sold like cattle. To cap it all off, Gojo encourage the boy the get strong.
So, how else would Megumi think of him other than being nice on the surface but with a hidden a agenda underneath?
Everyone thinks of Gojo poorly despite everything he does and is only appreciated for his powers. I think the only exceptions are: Yuji, Yuta, and Shoko.
-> Shoko: She was a trio with Gojo and Geto. Out of everyone, she knows him best and truly take his words in for what it is. The trouble tho is they cannot connect because of a misunderstanding. Shoko often waits for Gojo to take the initiative in their interactions first. While Gojo, on the other hand, buys into Shoko's aloof neutral facade and respects it by not getting her roped into his affairs.
-> Yuji & Yuta: I grouped these two together because they are very similar in their relationship with Gojo. They were both outsiders to the jujutsu society and was saved from execution by Gojo. The man was their lifeline literally. Their first impression on him has largely positive despite his weirdness. In fact, out of everyone, Yuji and Yuta are the only ones to see Gojo as a person first then "The Strongest" second. They both worry for him and wanted to rush in to help him (Yuji in Shibuya, Yuta in Shinjuku). I believe the only obstacles that stop them from reaching out to Gojo are:
-> He is their teacher. That is both a generational and power gap that is difficult to overcome even in real life.
-> Their peers and environment are kind of pressuring them to follow the norm of "Gojo is the Strongest. Don't worry about it. He'd be fine alone."
I had high hopes that it is Yuji, Yuta, or Shoko that could break through Gojo's lonely cycle of sacrifice. If there was anyone that can cross that divide, I thought it would be them after some character development.
So, it is a bitter pill to swallow for me that it was Sukuna that did it first and robbed them of the opportunity by killing Gojo instead. It fucking hurts because it was so unfair for Gojo but more so on the trio who had seen him as a person but were unable to communicate it properly.
In my PoV, Shoko, Yuta, and Yuji were so fucking close at saving Gojo from loneliness and correcting him from his mistaken belief that his love is always one-sided - that no one could ever understand him despite the care he gives judging from the flower metaphor that he used. I partly blame Geto for this and also jujutsu society's toxic culture.
I'm mad and upset that Sukuna got to Gojo first before everyone else has a chance which makes it a beautiful tragedy indeed. I respect Gege for that.
But subjectively, I'm upset about it and find the whole thing so difficult to accept because for that very same reason. It's a tragically beautiful conclusion which makes it a harrowing reminder that this is JJK and JJK is not a pretty world when all I ever want is for Yuji and Shoko to not lose so much more.
#jujutsu kaisen spoilers#jjk spoilers#i'm so sorry for the massive wall of text anon#but thank you so much because your ask made me look into gojo further and his relationships with the cast#it's funny because i've never really focused this much on gojo before#i mean when i look into his character it is always in combination with others like SaShiSu and the Tengen-L6E-SPV connection#i guess i'm starting to have an even deeper appreciation of his character now
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Who's your favourite character from each musical you like?
Aight lads buckle up, this is a question with a pretty long answer:
Starlight Express: Tied between Pearl and Flat-Top, I honestly cannot pick between them. I love Pearl's designs, songs and storyline, and whilst it's sadly been lost over time I love Flat-Top's origins in English punk culture (and his mini character arc too!)
Newsies: Crutchie. Aside from just how fun of a character he is, I found myself in a very similar situation to him not long after getting into the show, so he means a lot to me.
Tuck Everlasting: Miles. His story is... fucking tragic, and Time is such a beautifully sad song. Both the Atlanta and Broadway versions of his story are very very compelling.
Bonnie & Clyde: Clyde (having the same name is purely coincidence skfjskd). His arc is quite a tragic one, showing how one's childhood and traumatic experiences can influence you later in life.
Matilda: Bruce. The cake scene always used to freak me out as a kid, but in hindsight I've come to realise that discomfort probably comes from my own experiences of having teachers forcing me to eat. So I feel for this poor kid. And his new arc of just being fucking Broken by Miss Trunchbull's abuse until she's dealt with is just so fucking sad.
Little Shop of Horrors: Audrey 2. The puppeteering never ceases to impress me, and I love how unapologetically evil and manipulative they are hsjdjskd
CatCF: Mike, mainly down to Michael Wartella and Teddy Hinde both being absolutely gold actors and mastering both the comedic aspect and jerkass parts of the role
The Prince Of Egypt: Rameses. Admittedly there's a bit of bias for Liam Tamne from when he was in a StEx workshop, but I love Rameses' costuming and his story arc.
Hadestown: Orpheus. Another character I love bc of the tragedy aspect, why the fuck did you turn around my guy-😭
#thanks for the ask anon!#there are other shows I like but my favourite characters in those shows are mainly down to vibes#if I have anything to say abt them I can't think of it atm😅#the link between the cake scene in Matilda scaring me and the times I've been forced to eat by teachers literally just dawned on me skfjskd#like oh shit that happened to me! and not even as punishment for anything-#musicals#anon#asks
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🦫 + Teddy!
Thank you again @luucypevensie! Again, also going to tag @daughter-of-melpomene and @noratilney because you're my only Riverdale enablers haha
Their worst enemy: Betty, of course. Archie as well, in a way, but at least he never tried to kill him.
Their saddest moment: Honestly, Teddy is such a goofy guy that any time he's done dirty is a sad moment for me. The one that comes to mind as I'm rethinking the story is when he wakes up from his coma and is told that Betty was the one who shot him. He was always distraught that she cheated on him but never thought she would go that far to get him back.
Their first love: Betty, again, is always tragic in hindsight.
Their happy place: When it isn't the kitchen, it's usually the science lab.
Do they believe in ghosts or not?: Absolutely 100%. He believes his paternal grandmother is watching over him at night, which he thinks is both sweet and terrifying at the same time.
Their favorite snack: Milky Ways, which is something that deeply upsets Kippi for absolutely no reason other than that she finds them disgusting and can't stand him having a whole collection of them in his backpack at all times.
Their go-to method for letting off steam: He will usually take to trying out new experiments that will usually end in some kind of explosion.
Their type of lover/partner (if they have those desires): Teddy needs someone who can keep up with his jokes and keep him on his toes in fun ways. Also, someone who isn't put off by his initial awkwardness, of course.
If they have a lucky object: He actually has a spatula he considers lucky for no reason other than every new dish he attempts with the help of it turns out delicious.
Their star sign: Virgo
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