#a not so lonely Christmas
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A/N here is my Christmas oneshot I've been learning to take my time when it comes to writing. Hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I have loved writing it.
I wasn't going to put up decorations this year but Jessy and Lilly convinced me to put them up. They came round to help me get everything looking christmasy but it's not a happy Christmas not for me it isn't. Things just aren't the same without Jake; he's been gone now for almost 4 months. In that time he's contacted me maybe 10 times and that's when he's been able to. I miss him so much his stupid job took him away from me. Why did he have to take up a job with the FBI? Sure it wasn't too bad in the beginning but now that he's been gone this long with barely any contact. My heart feels like it's breaking. I keep thinking he's going to walk through the front door any moment.
Every time my phone rings or a message comes through my heart feels like it's skipping a million beats. I think I have started to get used to the disappointment of it not being Jake. When I spoke to him he kept telling me this is his last job working away and that he will be back in duskwood. Duskwood police offered him a job after he gets back from where he is. He wasn't even allowed to tell me where he was going. I hate the FBI and I hate Jake for leaving me this long.
I don't even want to put up these stupid decorations, I just want to rip them all down and throw them away. Right now I feel so bitter and angry my heart feels like it's broken and can't be put back together. I try my hardest to put on a brave face around the others. I really can't handle Dan telling me he told me so because if I hear him say it I might just punch him. I do my best to snap out of my mood and pretend I am happy as far as the others are concerned nothing is wrong.
I feel like I am full of so much hate after everything that's happened, this was going to be our first Christmas together as a couple he promised he would be here. Instead I have to wake up in an empty bed on Christmas day. He should be there next to me. I'm so lost in my own thoughts I don't see Jessy standing next to me. I feel her hand on my shoulder. I could never hide anything from her. She always knows when something is wrong.
I turn to look at her and I can see that she knows something is wrong, “it’s okay to be angry and upset, I know how much you miss him” Jessy always knows how I'm feeling without having to say it. “This is not how it's supposed to be, he's supposed to be here helping put up decorations and drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows” Jessy smiles warmly at me and pulls me in for a tight hug. “I know one thing this Christmas you are not going to be alone, you have me and the others. We will make it as special as possible”
Jessy is starting to make me feel a little better and I want to be able to at least have a good Christmas this year. “You know what your right Jessy, I want to be able to have a good Christmas. Why don't we play doodle friends? but this time we draw on the white board from Jake's office” Jessy smiles and runs off into Jake's office to get his white board. I pour myself a glass of wine and wait for Jessy to get back. Everyone gathered around Dan insisted on going first; he likes to think he's some sort of picasso.
“Right silence genius at work” I couldn't help but laugh at Dan's comment he starts to draw hoping that it's going to be better than the cigar/skull he drew last time. He starts drawing a face, adding way too much detail, finally he adds a pair of earrings. Everyone is shouting out guesses and getting it all wrong. I suddenly realized what it is that Dan's going on about. “I've got it, it's earrings” everyone is shouting at Dan for his stupid drawing of course he's arguing back.
We carry on playing for a few more hours then everyone leaves “are you sure you don't want me to stay over MC?” I smile and hug Jessy. Her heart is in the right place. “It's okay Jessy I'll be fine, I will be seeing you all tomorrow anyway at Cleos” right now I just want to have time for myself and Jessy understands that. “Okay MC if you change your mind just text me and I'll be right over” I hug Jessy once more before saying goodbye. “I will Jessy, see you all tomorrow morning”
Everyone has left. It's so quiet without them all here. The silence just fills the room, I keep myself busy and tidy up and put all the rubbish in the bin. Once I've finished I sit down on the sofa with a glass of whisky and I put the TV on for some background noise.
The next morning I wake up another day alone without Jake, I drag myself out of bed and go shower. A big part of me wants to go back to bed and not leave the house but I'm not going to do that. After showering and getting myself into something that isn't an oversized hoodie and sweats I put on a new dress I bought for Christmas. This was the dress I was going to surprise Jake with but that is going to have to wait.
Once I've got ready I grab my jacket and keys and head out to Cleos, she's been working so hard on this Christmas dinner. After parking up outside Cleo's I knock on the door and get greeted by a very happy Cleo. “MC!! It's so good to see you, you look amazing in that dress come in” I walk into Cleo's apartment and everything looks amazing. Everyone is already here Dan and Thomas are arguing over what Christmas music to put on. Richy is helping Jessy set the table and Lilly and Jessy are in the kitchen helping Cleo cook dinner.
After dinner we sit around the fire and play games. Everyone is having such an amazing time. For the first in what feels like a lifetime ago I am laughing. It's like I've just put all my problems and worries to one side. “Does anyone want another drink?” Everyone puts their hand up. “I'll give you a hand MC” Jessy and I are in the kitchen making the drinks. I look up out of the window and it's started to snow. It's coming down thick and fast covering the grown in a white blanket of snow.
I sit back down with the others and there is a knock at the door, “I'll get it in already up” Jessy gots to open the door she seemed way too eager to go out a shack the thought away. I hear Jessy open the door but I can't make out who she's talking to.
“Hi, she's in the living room with the others. She's gonna be so happy to see you” I hear someone call out my name and I just freeze. I feel like my heart has stopped beating. I turn around and my eyes go wide and my mouth drops open. “Merry Christmas MC I've missed you so much” at this point tears start to fall from my eyes I pull myself up and run into Jake's arms. “Omg Jake!! I've missed you so much, I can't believe you are really here. How did you know where I was?” Jake's ocean blue eyes are looking back at me and I see that beautiful smile spread across his face. “Jessy told me, I text her yesterday and ask where you would be I wanted to surprise you”
More tears just fall from my eyes. I am so lost for words I just put my arms around Jake and hold onto him. He pulls me away slightly and smiles. He lifts my chin up with his fingers and kisses me softly on the lips. I feel myself just melt into his body as he kisses me. It feels like our first kiss all over again. Everything I have ever wanted is right here in front of me kissing me on the lips. I feel like all my sadness and worries have just been washed away; it's like they don't even exist anymore. The love I have for Jake is so strong I feel like my heart is complete.
“MC I want you to know that I am never being away from you again, my work with the FBI has now come to an end.” Just when I thought the smile on my face couldn't get any bigger I'm smiling so much that my face is starting to ache but I don't care I'm so happy. “Just hearing you say that Jake makes me so happy” everything that has felt like it has been missing in my life is now complete. I am the happiest I have ever been. “There is one more thing MC, it's something I've been waiting to ask you” my mind starts to run away with itself trying to figure out what Jake is on about. “MC, will you marry me?” I watch as Jake gets down on one knee, holding a small ring box in his hand. “Yes Jake, yes I will marry you” Jake slides the ring onto my finger and we both share a kiss.
What started out as what was going to be an awful Christmas has now turned out to be the best day of my life. I am with the man of my dreams and I have my closest friends right by my side.
#duskwood#everbyte game#duskwood jake#duskwood hacker#iamjake#duskwood jake x mc#i love you jake#jake x mc#he loves me#i love you#a not so lonely Christmas#together again#love is love#christmas#oneshot
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Nico saying that Lewis gives his daughters boxes of presents every Christmas just got caught in my mind.
Imagine you were a mixed race boy born in Hertfordshire, different from everyone else around you. Bullied in school, being raised by your father to compete in a sport where money is very much of essence and you and your family do not have a lot of it. And then you meet this other boy who comes from the kind of life you dream to live one day. You're friends and fierce competitors. You find solace in each other. You visit Monaco for the first time with your friend, dreaming up the life you will have when you make it, when you beat out of the mould that the world thought it could capture you in.
And then you two grow through the ranks and you're at the pinnacle of your sport and you have what it takes to win and the world recognises that you can win. And you win. You win with your friend and fiercest competitor by your side fighting with you for those wins, and this fighting ruins something something that was valuable to both of you when you were still innocent and unsullied by life.
But despite everything that went into the doing and undoing of this relationship, you still realise that this person you once called a friend has a life and family beyond your bitter dynamic. He has children, and children need love and affection and good memories. And you're a better man now so you understand that. So you make sure the kids get gifts on Christmas. And you make sure of it every year. Afterall, if you met someone you loved deeply when you were both kids, wouldn't you feel a pang of nostalgia when they had kids. Wouldn't you try to extend the warmth that you couldn't find for your friend to his children. Afterall, whatever happens during childhood basically remains with you forever.
#and nico's perspective of the same is just#being bullied as a child and being profoundly lonely till you find this friend who is in many ways the yardstick for performance#and even when you go through all this rancidity and the love has almost evaporated down to bare bones politeness#you know there is something that remains deep down#and so he gets your kids Christmas gifts each year#both their childhoods were sites of pain and both of them found something with each other#and lewis honours that by being a positive presence in nico's childrens' lives#albeit from a distance#and of course we're no strangers to how much Nico loves his kids#you can bet if Lewis had kids Nico would do that same#sorry this caught in my heart a little#I knew he had been giving presents for a while and I always thought of that as very beautiful but seeing it on the tl made me remember#man#love haunts you in such peculiar ways forever#brocedes#lewis hamiton#nico rosberg#f1#formula 1
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pretty & cute witch men
#witch hat tag#orufrey#i'm not drawing as much or as well as i'd like to be doing. i'm trying to get through a comic i've been really wanting to do#but i'm just finding it so hard. disheartening. btw the 2nd one relates to some official art of qif wearing a dress like the girls#and the 4th one relates to how i've been drawing EXTREMELY SMALL for years. idk how to explain it but i always clicked 'fit to screen'#and so all my art EVER has looked bad when you zoom in bc it's already like size 1 zoomed in to the MAX pfhgguguhfpfhGHAHHHHH#i was so confused allll this time why brushes always look different for me than what they're supposed to#'wow this brush is so jaggedy..really rather jaggedy...calling it the Jagged Cai Special..bringing it out for those jaggedy moments..#really quite jaggedy i must say...' and it's literally not jaggedy#but now i have to get used to how all those brushes that i'd gotten used to indeed look how they're supposed to finally. Alarming#I have simply been working out absolutely everything by myself for years and that's why my technical progress is slow#ppl say my progress is fast and i certainly have improved much since i began doing all this but#like..it took me a year and half to start using a program where i could Colour In The Lines aka the..whatever it's called. whatever..#just on my lonely confused solemn journey to express gay love better than yesterday.. -_- *picks up my pack n continues through the snow*#btw thank you sm for people's kind words enjoying my narumitsu art & fic over the christmas & new year period <3
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I don’t know how to draw traditionally anymore ;;
#but here’s a Choso for you#<333333333#Choso#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#choso jjk#sorry if it looks shitty#merry christmas#btw#if you celebrate#I’m visiting my dad so I can’t draw with my tablet#sad#hope ur well#i wish i had a boyfriend girlfriend#idk#I’m lonely#someone cosplay satosugu with me pls#I’m gonna be satoru
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Not sure if this theory makes any sense at all but I'm starting to believe that there's no time skip between Wally's phone calls and what we see/hear in the show's Media/Merchandise. If we see the Toyland call being made before the Homewarming episode then it would make sense that Wally's expecting Barnaby to come over soon. As well as the Homewarming sketch from the prior update. (I don't know, still kind of brainstorming this perspective)
that theory Does make sense and i've been considering it! the "timeline" is such a nebulous thing right now because we still... don't really know! there are too many variables and too many Maybes for any solid answer.
maybe the reality that the neighbors live in exists outside of time like you say, and like half of me suspects. there's so much reality fuckery already present, but I'm also... unsure of how much merit this holds given what we know / can infer about how time passes in Home. i'm putting this theory on a low shelf to look at but not prioritize
maybe it really has been 50 years, and Barnaby is either still around / Wally is still in contact with him, or Barnaby... isn't there. who knows, maybe Wally was just verbalizing some Wishful Thinking. i mean, Wally is a bit of an unreliable narrator, isn't he? we can't assume that everything he says is entirely accurate or truthful. and i mean, if it's been 50 years it makes sense that Wally would be pushing for connection / to revive WH. who knows how long he's been trying.
hm... i mean. it could be a mix of that and the Outside Of Time theory. who knows, maybe W is receiving calls from different points in the timeline - Wally may have started out just calling, and has just graduated to invading the WH website / getting pushy with the envelopes and media that's been sent to the WHRP. maybe Wally got tired of waiting for W to respond before W was even born. who's to say!
#i mean. idk the emphasis wally puts on Its So Quiet makes my brain tilt its head#it feels like wally breaking composure before he pastes the Facade back on with '-during homewarming'#that and just the way he phrased 'everyones usually so busy so its just me and home for a long while'#Usually so busy. Usually. why not Always? or Is?#usually.#and then the 'its just me and home for a long while'#the phrasing here has Connotations i think!#homebogging#welcome home speculation#wh speculation#OF COURSE. I HAVE TO DEBUNK MYSELF!#what we hear / see from Wally is - ironically - more genuine than the WHRP's or W's recovered media (save the eddie excerpts)#the WH media shows us the ideal homewarming - where everyone is getting into the spirit and spending time together and the like#but then wally could be telling us what homewarming is Really like - lonely. quiet.#WHICH MAKES SENSE THEMATICALLY! and it mirrors how christmas time is. its marketed as this joyful thing that brings people together#when in reality its lonely and stressful. i know i certainly never feel more lonely than i do at that time of year!#so there's just. layers. right now im simultaneously believing in the time discrepancy And them existing outside of time#im leaning on the first one but you know!#BUT!!! IM CONFIDENT THAT THE HOMEWARMING WALLY WAS CALLING FROM WAS NOT THE ONE WE SAW IN THE UPDATE.#wally spoke with enough familiarity about the time of year to make me think 'hes lived through many of these hasnt he'#it could be that time Has passed for the neighbors and its been many homewarmings.#it could be that it Started as what the commercials/update showed us.#but as time passed maybe it became a time where everyone just... Isolates for one reason or another. so now it's just quiet and lonely#im still rolling it all around in my head! many factors and implications to consider w/ this update!#Take All Of This With A Grain Of Salt As Usual!
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SCROOGE LOOKS AT HARRY AND HELA
Scrooge: A Christmas Carol, 2022
#hes so lonely my poor little meow meow#look at him at the first gif#😩😩😩#also#quality where are you#scrooge a christmas carol#a christmas carol#scrooge#ebenezer scrooge#scrooge 2022#scrooge netflix#netflix#my gifs
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the amount of anxiety this site gives me lately is ridiculous
#like my heart pounds opening the app????????#am i ok#the answer is no#just consistently feeling afraid of letting everybody down#there are so many of you#and most of you are kind and supportive and lovely#but there are some who make being here very difficult#just wish things felt like they did in march when i first started#anyway i'm depressed and lonely merry christmas#sorry everything i post lately is so negative bruh#it just be like that in my brain rn#c
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If you looked in TK’s camera roll, you’d be sure to see-
12 pictures of stranger’s dogs
11 “keep going” mantras from Cooper
10 pictures of Buttercup
9 of Carlos cooking
8 of Carlos doing yoga
7 sensational selfies
6 game night victories
5 unhinged memes
4 saved recipes
3 Mateo close ups
2 FaceTime screenshots
And an article about leaving the bag in your teaaaa 🎶
#911 lone star#tk strand#inspired by the post of TK’s sad camera roll from the carlos is kidnapped episode#like could they have put in any effort at all#as to this do not ask what it is i do not know lol#in theory it would be to the tune of the 12 days of christmas but tk is jewish and is that weird#but i came up with this in my head last night when i hadn’t eaten for five hours because i was told to take my lunch break#an hour and a half into my shift because of how short staffed we are#so this helped me not cry in front of customers lol#sorry for complaining i need to shut up lol
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Have some random face sketch/study while i'm still in the mood...
#i'm wasted depressed lonely and whatever else is accustomed around christmas...#though actually that's a lie... i should be fine...#and I know i cant expect you to appreciate me when I can't even muster the energy to like/appreciate/regblog whatever awesome#stuff you've been posting lately!#i've seen it! i'm just so low on energy it's horrific...#i'm sincerely sorry for that!!#mimiart
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Gregory edgeworth is neil cicerega. thank you.
I kid you not this is not the first time this concept has been spoken
Whenever I draw ghost Gregory for the Silly Little Monster AU, I just think about how he looks like Neil
I’m pretty sure I’ve even said it out loud (i thought I said it on discord, but I can’t find the message, so I must have spoken it)
#doctorsiren#not art#siren speaks#but dude…cabinet man?? the verse before the last chorus#it’s so Turnabout Goodbyes#it’s getting lonely? IT’S GETTING HARD TO BREATHE??!#the arcade’s empty?? I THINK IT’S CHRISTMAS EVE!!1?!??!#yeah…#anyways lemon demon? love that guy
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𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗿𝗯 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗿𝗼𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝘁 𝗚𝗮𝗹𝗲'𝘀 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆. And it is excruciating. On his chest, one can trace its ugly mark, the brand less discoloration and more, unfortunately, a deep-grooved scar. It is unavoidable and impossible to ever miss. Similarly, the way it eats at him is obvious, too. Gale, especially at the start, when his condition, fresh and disorienting, was still abundantly new, the effects of the orb were frighteningly worse. At that time, he little knew how to quell it, that feeding off the Weave would balm the pain, and so for all those days and weeks of panic, he rotted and ached at a terrible pace. He had decayed. And he had bled. Gale's body oozed black, skin, especially at his casting arm, rupturing like cracks in terracotta. He tasted filth always, the bitterness of wasting flesh thick in his throat, nose perpetually leaking with the ink-dark of bleeding. He'd labored to breathe, a feeling like devouring maggots pulsing in his chest. In fact, at the lowest point by then, wallowing and stuck in his tower, Gale began to lose hair, his nails loose and cracking as he scrabbled at the floorboards, knees weak and pain bolting when he collapsed to the floor. He was a pitiful sight. And a worrying one. And even now, with the consumption of magical artefacts, one can still see the way he bows to the blight, heaving for breath when it takes his chest again, sweat at his temples and mouth gone dry. It's all-encompassing. The agony is chronic. It feels like being eaten, being hollowed to his barest self right from the inside. He's a vessel of magic, and the orb means to consume him down to his every last molecule, teeth bared, hackles raised, and appetite crushing. It's like--dying, stolen away to be but swallowed down whole, surrendering to the suck of a hungering vortex. He's unsightly. As well, too, as a burden, he thinks, to the very naked of his bones. But when someone hangs back, touches him despite his rot, he thinks, you shouldn't have to handle something like this. This mere shamble of a graveyard--he's so sorry to dirty their hands.
#HEADCANON.#I explore more the depths of his orb... a la EA Gale. More EA Gale. Because that bandaged hand will forever be in my thoughts.#Imagine at the start when he had no idea what to do about this thing in his chest.#If it fucked up his arm I imagine it had to fuck up everything else. Like. LEGITIMATELY rotting and dying.#How scary. How lonely. How PAINFUL.#God. Mystra really heard and knew him literally in agony and just said. Well. That's your fault.#ANYWAY. Now if ANYONE shows care and actively hangs back to help him catch his breath#or help him and wipe his nose when he begins to bleed he's just... oh. Thank you. (so warmed. so touched. so--#you would touch me like this? handle me when i'm just--rotting skin and vile blood? isn't this all unsightly?)#Bro. I got thoughts.#Anyway MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE. I finished ALL I HAD TO DO. But now I'm worn out. Happy to be writing again tho. :' )
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nobody ever talks about the feeling of sitting in ur living room when its dark after the christmas tree has been taken down ………. I Feel Empty .
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a sneak peek for an upcoming (timeline tbd) update 😊
#holocene.txt#hlcn: story extras#consider this a thanks for the kind words on gratitude day :)#i wanna respond to everyone individually when i have time and also wax poetic about how much every comment means to me#it really does mean a lot#it's been a rough year and a very lonely year like i'm genuinely just so :/#i lost both of my grandmothers this year very suddenly and the holidays feel empty now and i'm dealing with scary health issues#i finally had a brain mri after waiting for it to get scheduled since JUNE and now i have to wait on results and undergo some other testing#and i'm losing my mind a little because i planned a nice christmas gift for my mom and it feels ruined because the post office lost it#and my dad ruined the whole surprise of it by calling customer support on speaker phone with her in the room...and she ofc heard everything#i just wanted something nice for my mom :( she deserves it and although i have other gifts for her still it's not all what i planned#i don't mean to rant but i just wanted to add context when i say it means a lot that anyone even remotely likes my pixels#i may not know most of you very well *yet* (trying to fix that!!) but it's nice to feel a little support from somewhere :) beyond nice#and sorry for being absent a lot this year but i swear i have so much appreciation for y'all and i love you and your pixels dearly#i always feel bad like maybe it doesn't seem like i care in return bc i'm offline a lot now but i really do!! i care a lot!! love y'all xox
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You ever think about what's gonna happen when the Welcome Home website updates in December? Hopefully, at least for what I think, we'll get to see the fabled Julierella! Or any visual parts of the show in general. Probably something fit for the holiday spirit.
Maybe wondering about their relatives and loved ones living outside the neighborhood, and the fact that the residents haven't left to see them in some time.
Stuff like that! Maybe even some new recipes!
i try not to think about it or i'll become so nervoucited that i'll get nauseous
#the fact that its a psychological horror brings my excitement#from 'ohhhh i cant wait!!!'#to Im Genuinely Deeply Nervous AND Deeply Excited.#welcome home stresses me the fuck out but... in a good way? somehow???#still i dont wanna think about whats to come or my entire day will be lost to pacing & staring at a wall w/ a racing heart#it probably will be housewarming themed - if thats still the in-universe version of christmas for the neighborhood#but yeah! so stoked im anxious! yeehaw!#whatever happens im going to go absolutely fucking Feral#also theres an element of 'i cant even imagine. anything could happen. things will happen that ive never even considered'#rambles from the bog#yk actually a thought ive had#is if i start streaming. before the update#maybe... i could stream the update.#yk me and any of you who join checking it out for the first time and looking for secrets#could be fun! if! emphasis on if!!#could be nice. cause like... idk about you guys but i dont have irl friends to sit down and check it out with#the updates are fun but a little lonely for me! its just me in my room wishing i could share the First Time Excitement yk yk#just. something for me to consider aiming for!#oh my god i just realized ill probably be working#i swear to god if the update drops while im at work im just gonna quit and walk out the door#ohhhh now im nervous about that happening... heres hoping it wont...#lmao who am i kidding! given my luck's track record that absolutely Will happen
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I see so many other moas online who crochet and play animal crossing and I just think we're so cute and I want to be friends
#i know i sound so cringe lol#i might be a little lonely since my sister is at work a lot these days doing christmas hours#cee's notebook 🗒
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^me when i am a sensitive person
#ramblings#i hate feeling lonely#it literally hurts my heart#i have such a hard time forming connections both irl and online#idk how many times ive cried just this past month bc i felt lonely#and even when i am included in things im always an after thought#its been months but im still thinking about stupid christmas#i know the whole point isn't to get gifts#but i got one present. while i spent hundreds of dollars getting my family gifts#they even asked me what i wanted too#helped my cousin decorate for her christmas party and last minute i found out it was a secret santa#i got invited but was the only one not included in that#so yeah....#i dont have anyone to celebrate holidays with#my birthday was sad#i cried then too#not looking forward to tomorrow either#and i try to make friends and talk to people#but i feel as though i always initiate#and nobody seems interested in talking to me#which... i dont expect everyone to like me#but it really does hurt and it makes wonder what's wrong with me#also why cant my brain focus on something else#like doing something productive#its been ages since ive drawn anything#ive just been sad. that's the whole post.#bye now
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