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#a lot of fics were deleted because too many people didn’t want anything to do with certain cc
sing-me-under · 2 months
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Sometimes I’m just scrolling through my followed tags tab, and I see a DSMP post that’s along the lines of “why does no one talk about [concept here]” and I just think “they did though?? Extensively??? Like it’s a whole fanfic trope???”
And then I realize that it’s probably been about two years since said concept was popular and that the people making these posts are probably either newer members of the fandom or fans who just weren’t immersed in AO3 to the same extent I was.
Anyway, if you’re thinking “why isn’t there any of this very specific thing!?” I can tell you that there probably is, but that you’ll have to dig for it,
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flemingsfreckles · 3 months
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Be a Good Teammate pt. 2
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Jessie Fleming x USWNT!Reader (also Seattle!Reader)
Read Part 1
Warnings: none, this is a pretty relaxed chapter
WC: 2.8k
A/N: thank you so much for the support on what is now Part 1. Due to how many people requested a continuation of this fic, I figured I’d go for it! This is more of a filler/plot mover part of the story. There will be at least one more part that will be a lot more interesting but if there’s enough interest and I have the ideas, maybe it’ll be many more parts.
It had been a couple weeks since you had talked with Jessie on the field in San Diego. You haven't heard anything from her, not that you were expecting to after she had told you she had a lot on her plate. Not hearing from her had bothered you a bit in the beginning, thoughts of her constantly popping up in your mind. She was a minor distraction. As time went on and you didn’t hear from her you went back to the way you had been before you had seen her. You were able to brush off the thoughts of her easily, getting back into your routine as if you hadn’t even seen her.
Something deep down hoped you’d wake up to a text from her. That hope diminished as the days passed. It wasn't until the week before your team was supposed to take the trip to Portland to play that you heard from her.
Unknown: Hey, this is well overdue but I just wanted to apologize, I was rude to you after the gold cup game. Not an excuse but I was in a pretty rough state. Thanks for what you said too.
Unknown: by the way this is Jessie, I had to get a new number to use in the US. Feel free to delete my UK number. Keep the Canada one, I still use that.
Unknown: I got your number from Coffey.
Unknown: Hope that’s okay. You can just delete this number if you’d rather.
Reading her texts made you smile and let out a small laugh, she texted exactly how she would talk. You can practically hear her voice while reading through the texts, how she probably sat there overthinking each text only to then feel guilty for not just double or triple but quadruple texting you. You clicked on her number, changing her name in your phone to Jessie (USA).
Your thumbs hovered over the keyboard as you thought about responding. Deciding against replying at the moment, you lock your phone again and climb out of bed. You throw on your clothes for training then head to your kitchen to make a quick breakfast and coffee.
Training was rough. It was less that the physical workout was hard, it had actually been a lighter day being only 2 days away from game day. It was rough because you couldn't focus.
Your mind kept drifting to the few texts you had received from Jessie. Had she been thinking about you all these weeks? Why did she wait so long? Maybe she was only thinking about you since you would be seeing her this weekend. But maybe she was thinking of you for other reasons. Maybe she was ready to start being friends? Maybe you could end up as more? All the thoughts related to her were swarming around your head, leading you to be in a fog at practice.
It was embarrassing to say the least, missing touches, overpowering or underpowering your passes, even tripping over your own feet a couple times. After you had fallen to your knees while doing individual dribbling drills, for the third time that day at practice Quinn stepped over to you extending their hand.
“Are you good?” Concern in their eyes as they pulled you up.
“Yeah, just in my own head today.” trying to give a convincing smile shaking your head at your own behavior. You had managed to push Jessie so far back in your mind for years, why was she messing with you now.
“Alright, if you need to talk let me know, or go see the psychologist. The team has them for a reason. We need you to stay on your feet Saturday.” They pat you on the back and go back to finish their dribbling drill.
“Thanks.” You gave Quinn a smile, knowing damn well you wouldn't bring yourself to talk with them. They were one of the best listeners on the team and had heard out your other issues, anxieties and just general venting. There was no way you were going to talk to Quinn about their own national team teammate. You didn’t need it coming back to Jessie that she was on your mind.
You were so thankful when you were called to huddle up and end practice. Heading back to the locker room you peeled your sweaty jersey off, throwing a sweatshirt on instead, grabbing your phone and heading to the trainer’s room. You greeted the staff, walking over to the ice bath and hopping in. The icy water causes goosebumps to appear across your skin. It felt good, you knew it would, you often would use a cold shower to clear your mind, but this counted as your recovery as well so it was a bonus. You stripped off your sweatshirt leaving you standing shivering in your sports bra. You took a deep breath and let your knees give, sinking your whole body under the water.
Under the water was peaceful, quiet, the freezing water causing your brain to go blank, no thoughts of the bad training, no thoughts of Jessie, no thoughts of what to make for dinner tonight, nothing. So you waited, sitting on the bottom of the tub prolonging your peace. Running out of air, you resurfaced to find a few teammates and members of the training staff to be looking at you. Feeling suddenly self conscious you grabbed your sweatshirt throwing it back on. “What?” you harshly asked in the general direction of your teammates. None of them responding, shaking their heads or just looking away.
Before you could make it out of the locker room you heard your name called and saw your coach standing behind you.
“Can you come to my office before you head out?” She asked.
“Yeah no problem, just give me a second to change my shorts, I’ll be right up.” You tried to appear calm on the outside. On the inside you were stressing. Why did she need to talk to you, maybe you were being traded and you'd be able to dodge Jessie longer. Maybe she was taking you off the travel roster, maybe she was going to yell at you for your performance today. You quickly changed into some dry pants and walked over and into the coaching office.
“Go ahead and shut the door.” She pointed behind you when you walked in. Her words make your stomach sink. You sat down, not saying anything, just looking at her across the desk. She finishes up something on the computer, hitting the power button and turning back to face you. She taps her hands on the desk and starts talking. “Look, I’m going to tread lightly here, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good.” Your best attempt at a smile comes across your face.
“You realize why I have to ask, right?” you just nod at her question. “I don't mean to be crass but that was the worst practice you've had since you started here. I get it, everyone has an off day, but that to me looked like a lot more than just an off day.”
“I’m good, I just had a bit on my mind.” She wasn't telling you anything you didn't know but hearing her criticism of your performance hurt, you didn't want to disappoint her.
“Do I need to take you off of our roster for this weekend's game?”
“No!” You're quick to protest her offer. “I promise, I’ll have it sorted by then.” Not sure if you're trying to convince yourself or your coach at this point you keep talking. “You can count on me.”
“I want to believe that, I do. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt on this one, I’ll leave you on the roster, we really need you for this game, but I’d rather not put you out there if your performance is going to look like it did today.”
“Yes Coach, I understand. I’ll be good.”
She turns back to a stack of papers, grabbing off a small slip from the top. She hands it to you, you look at it recognizing the name and contact information of the team’s sports psychologist and the team’s standard psychologist. “Take this, I’m not saying you need to talk to anyone, but it's good information to always have.”
You look up from the paper, thinking it's silly how now two people had recommended that you needed professional help, all over the fact that you had a silly little crush on an old teammate.
“Thanks Coach, I’ll see you tomorrow.” You stood up pushing in the chair behind you, leaving her office. You walked down the hallway back toward the locker room to grab your bag. Before you head out you quickly pack your travel back, throwing in your boots, shin pads, extra socks, tape before dropping the bag at the front of the room where your teammates had placed theirs. You moved back
Part of you cursed Jessie for reaching out, you had been able to push your thoughts of her back in your mind after you had talked but now that she had reached out she was back in the forefront. Opening your phone as you walked out of the training facility, you opened your messages and clicked on Jessie’s name. You opened her contact, frustrated from your performance at practice and causing your coach to consider benching you, you wanted to blame it on her. You hover your finger over the delete button. You then moved your thumb to where it read Block This Number. Before you could think twice you pressed it, the messages from her disappearing, no trace of her new number on your phone. While you were at it you proceeded to delete her number from the UK. You left her Canadian number, she never used that one to talk to you, no harm in it staying. You were hoping blocking her new number would also block the thoughts of her.
You learned very quickly though the night that if anything, blocking her number made Jessie more prominent in your mind. She was in your mind while you drove home. You thought about her while you stood under the cold water of your shower, she was in your mind while you cooked. Trying to distract yourself you grabbed a book and the book worked. It kept Jessie out of your mind until you realized how much you liked the book, one of the best ones you had read in a while. You decided to open GoodReads, immediately closing it when the first thing you saw upon opening the app was Jessie’s name, she had recently rated a book. You had forgotten that you were even friends on the app, you hadn't read or rated a book in a long time. Deciding you’ve had enough, you pull yourself off the couch and into the bedroom to try and get some sleep.
Setting your alarm for the next morning, you climbed into bed, deciding to count sheep to prevent your mind from wandering. It took many minutes of tossing and turning before you were able to fall asleep. Despite the long day you had mentally and physically, sleep did not come easy. Unfortunately, once you were asleep, you didn’t stay asleep long, feeling restless when you woke up for the fourth time that night, the sky was still dark outside. You roll over checking the time 3:18am. Still half asleep you reach for your phone, sliding it open. Squinting at the bright light you find your settings, opening your list of blocked numbers, finding Jessie’s you click unblock. You open your messages, type in her name and then a message.
You: No problem, see you Saturday.
You're not sure what you're saying no problem to, if it's because she apologized, if it's because she thanked you for talking to her or if it's to the fact that she had asked Sam for your number. Sleep is still fogging your brain. You hit send, shut off your phone and roll over hoping you can get some more sleep before your alarm wakes you.
You wake up to the sound of your alarm. You gave yourself an extra hour in the morning to pack before you had to meet at the stadium to travel. You threw on your travel sweats and shirt before throwing an assortment of sweatpants, t-shirts, and shorts into a bag, not caring what you packed for the 3 day trip. Moving into the bathroom you packed your toiletries, before heading back to your bedroom to grab your phone and the charger.
Jessie (USA): See you Saturday.
You do a double take at the message, last remembering that you had blocked her number. You open it, seeing that you, in fact, had not blocked her but instead you had texted her at 3 in the morning. “Oh you idiot,” you insulted yourself. You threw your phone in your pocket while packing your charger in your bag.
It wasn't long until you were sitting on the bus, stretching your body across two seats, trying to get comfortable. The buses had to be one of the most uncomfortable parts of playing, unfortunately Portland was considered too close to justify a plane ride. You were reading over the itinerary that had been handed out. You were scheduled for a light practice this evening followed by designated stretching and recovery time, then it was dinner and lights out. Looking to Saturday you saw the early arrival time, the game starting at Noon, pitch walk just before that, and time to warm up. After the game you had recovery for an hour followed by the words “Free Time” It wasn't uncommon for you to get freetime after game days when you were traveling, it was nice to explore where you were playing or just getting to hang out, unregulated, with your teammates. Sunday consisted of a practice in the morning, then more free time, followed by the bus ride back in the evening. The large amount of free time on this trip caught your eye, giving you an idea as you dig your phone out from your pocket. You open it to Jessie’s messages again and start typing.
You: If you're up for it, dinner Saturday night?
You realize that feels a bit forward, adding a second message.
You: You can bring a teammate too if you want, it doesn't just have to be us.
Seconds after you send it you see the bubble indicating Jessie is typing pop up, you lock your phone and toss it as if it's on fire into the seat that your legs are resting on. You feel it vibrate against your calf, indicating she had responded. Instead of reaching for your phone you remain still, staring at it. It’s only once the phone vibrates again reminding you that you had a text that you reach and pick it up. Involuntarily you hold your breath and turn on the screen.
Jessie (USA): That would be nice.
The gray bubble appears again.
Jessie (USA): just us
You let the air out of your chest, feeling relieved at her response. She wanted to see you. She wanted to see you, just the two of you. A smile grows on your face as you read over her messages again and again.
You: sounds good, may need some recommendations on dinner locations
This time when you see her typing you hold onto your phone. Watching as the bubble appears for a few seconds before disappearing and reappearing
Jessie (USA): I’ll figure something out and let you know
You begin to type out “sounds like a date” before deciding that it’s a little too forward, against it, deleting it and changing it.
You: perfect!
You waited, seeing if she would respond, not that there was much to respond to but part of you hoped she’d say something else. When she doesn't you shut off your phone. You lean your head back so it rests against the window and you're looking at the ceiling of the bus. You let out a sigh of relief. It feels like a weight has been lifted off your chest for the first time in two days. You now knew she didn't completely hate you, you knew she was willing to let you talk with her again.
Feeling last night's lack of sleep catches up with you, your eyes close and you’re able to drift peacefully asleep, your brain no longer filled with anxieties or concerns about Jessie, you remain asleep until the bus stops and you hear your teammates gathering their belongings to get off the bus. You were finally in Portland.
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bree-cheesy · 1 year
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Forbidden Pleasure
Joseph Quinn x fem!reader
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A/N: So here I am with another fic after like almost a month. Sorry y'all. I get excited to write for like a week then don't want to for a month. Hope I make up for my absence. And I hope you guys like the fic. Took me a lot of effort to make honestly.
SIDE NOTE: Messed something up so I had to delete and repost! Sorry!!
Credit to @nowadayz for the gif
Warnings: SMUT 18+!!! Minors just go away. (dirty talk, mutual pining, intense kissing, slight sub and dom themes but only if you squint, fingering, unprotected p in v sex, cockwarming mentions, finger sucking.) Some fluff, co-star friends to lovers, not very plot heavy, reader and Joseph practice kissing for a scene. No use of Y/N. Think that's it. It's not proof read either.
Word Count: 2093
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Joseph was your costar. You both were starring in a romance movie about two ex lovers. They were separated when they went to college and recently ran into each other when your character got a new job in the character’s old town. It was pretty cliche, but it was your first film you were starring in so you were excited. Joseph played the love interest. It was your first film where you had to act out a sex scene. You were so unprepared. It’s not like you’ve never been with someone intimately, but acting a sex scene was so much different then actually having sex.
Joseph was nothing, but kind to you about the whole thing. He knew you were nervous about it and was super supportive. He was nervous himself because he was too afraid to admit he was attracted to you. He was head over heels for you almost. He wanted to make the whole scene perfect for you because he had a small amount of hope something would happen between you both. He would have to wait to say anything until filming was ended because you both could be kicked from the movie. He didn’t want that for you.
You were in your trailer, preparing for the scene. It was only you and Joseph and the filming crew on set that day, but you were still nervous. What if you were bad at it? What if you forgot to brush your teeth beforehand? Thoughts were zooming through your head so bad that you almost missed the knock on your trailer door. You got up and opened the door. Joseph was standing there.
“Oh, hey Joe.” You let him in and shut the door behind him. Your palms felt sweaty around him. He was hard to be around. It was almost intimidating.
“Hey, just thought I’d check on you before the scene. See how you’re feeling.” Joseph ran his hand through his hair and gave you a weak smile. Even if the smile was fake, it was still beautiful. God, that smile. It was something you saw in your mind at almost every waking moment. Completely tormenting you all day every day. Everything about it was perfect. Not to mention his eyes. Goddamn he was just a beautiful man. “Hey, you there?”
You shook out of your thoughts and looked up at him, gulping nervously. “Yeah, yeah. I’m nervous honestly.” You walked back to the desk you were at and sat down. “Scared I’ll do bad. Haven’t really had very many praises on my kissing skill in my life.” Joseph looked at you confused. You shook your head. “It’s not important. Don’t worry about it.”
Joseph sat down on your couch in the corner, sitting back and manspreading in a way that made chills go down your spine. You usually hated when men did that. Why is it so attractive when he does it? “I understand. I haven’t necessarily had complaints about my skills, but it’s different in front of a camera. Always a little nerve wracking.” He smiled at you, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Especially when the girl you’re kissing is pretty.”
You blushed and rolled your eyes, peeking at the time on your phone. “It’s no secret that people don’t want me to do this movie. There have been complaints since before we started filming. One little mess up and I’m fucked, Joe.” You groaned and held your head in your hands. Joseph rolled his eyes.
“Don’t even worry about that. You’re gonna do fine.” Joseph looked at you, an idea suddenly crossing his mind. It was a stretch so he was scared to even ask the question, but you looked desperate. “Uhm, we could practice.” You looked up at him confused. Practice? Practice what? Fake sex?
“Practice?” You asked, still terribly confused.
“Yeah, like practice kissing or something. Like, if you’re so worried you’ll mess it up, we can practice to see how we work together.” He shrugged and sat forward a little. “In my opinion, it’s worth a shot.”
You bit your lip nervously, your cheeks heating up. Kissing Joe out of character? What was he thinking? This is dangerous. Who knows what would happen between you two? The attraction between you two was undeniable. The kiss could spark something dangerous. Something forbidden. “A-Are you sure?” Your voice was meek and shaky.
He nodded and stood up. “If you don’t want to, we don’t have to. Not gonna force you to do it.” He held his hand out and you took it, standing up in front of him. “Look, you set the pace. If that means I don’t touch you, or if there's no tongue, I don’t care. All up to you. I want you to be comfortable.” He looked so kind and gentle. You are lost now. Unable to let the chance of feeling his lips not in front of a camera pass up. It was a need. Not a want. A need. A need clawing at your insides that was getting almost too much to handle.
“U-Uhm, okay.” you gulped nervously and he smiled.
“Okay, what’s the rules then, m’lady.” He held his hands out like one of those wooden dummies you’d draw. “Guide my hands wherever.” You pouted a little and gently took his hands, putting them on your waist. Seemed like a secure spot. He’d have a grip on you in case the kissing was just too much and you passed out.
His hands flexed against your waist, aching to slide under your t-shirt so he could feel your skin. He needed more, but he was going to stay true to his word. The pace of this was up to you. He looked down at you with such patience that it almost made you melt into a puddle at his feet. You usually were not the kind to want to bend at every command a man gave, but for him, you’d do almost anything. His head went down a little, just to get closer so it wasn’t awkward trying to start the kiss. His breath gently fanned against your lips. It smelled minty with a slight hint of cigarettes. It was sinful.
Gently, you pressed your lips to his. His hands tightened ever so slightly on your waist and you stepped closer. Mentally cursing at yourself for kissing like a scared teenager, you deepened it ever so slightly. Both your eyes fluttered shut, noses bumping a little. He couldn’t stop himself. Your lips were just too soft. He needed more. He pressed his lips harder against yours and you let out a soft whimper, pressing more against him. He wouldn’t go too far. Not unless you did. He felt your tongue gently swipe his bottom lip and he opened on a sigh, hugging his arms around your waist.
Reaching up and wrapping your arms around his neck, the kiss turned sloppy. Hot and wet. Teeth clashing. It was primal. A need deep down in the both of coming out after one simple kiss. You moaned into his mouth when he pressed you up against the wall, slotting his mouth hard over yours. You were so fucked. So absolutely mega fucked. He tasted like pure sin. Better than anything you could’ve imagined.
His hands went down to your ass and squeezed softly, groaning and slotting his thigh between your legs, making your knees buckle and fall into him. His hands went down your belly and roughly unbuttoned your jeans. You wiggled your hips slightly as he stuck his hand inside, welcoming the gesture with open arms. His fingers slid to your aching pussy which was now completely soaked. It always was when you thought about him.
“Fuck… so wet…” Joseph groaned into your mouth and moved down to kiss your neck. His fingers found your clit in record time and you moaned a little louder than intended. Just as he was about to go further, your phone rang. He gasped and pulled away. You scrambled to grab the phone and looked at the contact. It was the producer. He was calling you to get ready for the scene. Joseph fixed his clothes and you hastily buttoned your pants back up. No words were spoken between you two and you both awkwardly walked to hair and makeup.
--2 hours later--
The tension was sizzling between you two after the scene. Everyone could tell, but no one was going to say anything. As you got back to your apartment that night, your phone buzzed. It was a text from Joe. You bit your lip nervously and looked at it.
Joey: You better open your front door.
Confused, you opened it and were met with Joseph standing there, out of breath and holding onto the doorframe. Before you could get a word in, he rushed at you, kissing you with such urgency you'd 've been convinced the world was ending. You weren’t going to stop it, though. His hands ripped your shirt and pants off before picking you up and carrying you to the couch. Your ass landed in his lap facing away from him. You took a deep and much needed breath. You hadn’t really gotten one since he tackled you.
He kissed your neck while you shimmed your panties down your legs. His hand went between your thigh and he groaned into your ear. “God, the most perfect pussy…” His middle and ring finger slipped through your soaking folds making you whine and squirm in his lap. He lightly slapped your thigh. “Be a good girl and hold still.”
You nodded and whimpered softly, lolling your head back against his shoulder. He gently rubbed your clit, whispering dirty nothings in your ear, slowly making you come undone. You felt his hard on growing under your ass, making it so hard to not wiggle against it. His fingers were so gentle and talented. Your body quivered against his chest, breath coming out in hard pants. “Joseph… I need.. please!” You whimpered, feeling yourself getting close.
“Cum for me, baby… I want to see it.” he slipped his middle finger inside your pussy, his thumb working against your clit in time with his finger’s thrusts. You felt yourself squeeze around his fingers, Joseph whispering encouragements into your ear. Finally, you cried out and came hard around his finger. He pulled his finger out and pressed it against your lips. You sucked on it obediently, wanting to please him. He reached down between you two and unbuttoned his jeans, pulling his aching cock out.
“Joseph… please….” You whined, wiggling against his cock. You just wanted him inside you. He wouldn’t even have to move, just put it inside you and let you warm his cock. Anything for him. He gently lowered you onto his cock, stretching you out so good. It was a little painful, but it felt so good at the same time. It was a forbidden feeling running through your whole body. Without even thinking, you started bouncing on his cock. It wasn’t even something you knew you were doing.
He grabbed your hips and helped you up and down his cock, grunting and groaning. Your moans echoed through your apartment, a beautiful song only you two would be able to make. You pressed your palms on his knees and rode him harder, whining and moaning, your eyes shutting at his tip pressed against the spot inside you that made you weak.
“That’s it, baby. Use my cock… Use it, baby…” Joseph slapped your ass, making you yelp and go faster, chasing the release you so desperately needed. Joseph moved his hips up against yours, meeting your thrusts and driving you wild. He felt your pussy walls clench around his cock and gritted his teeth. “S-So tight…” Joseph stuttered out.
“I-I’m gonna cum, Joe-” You couldn’t even finish your sentence before cumming hard for the second time. Joseph groaned and felt his release snap, filling you up. You fell back against his chest, your breath coming out shaky and hard. Your eyes shut and your hand went back to behind his head, snaking your fingers through his curls. He breathed heavily and gently lifted you off his cock, setting you back down on his lap, too tired to get up. Turning his arms, you snuggled into his chest and fell asleep. He just hugged you close and shut his eyes.
It was a forbidden thing for the two of you. No one would know until they had to. Forbidden, but so amazing. Forbidden pleasure.
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CFWC Writer of the Month: GenevieveMD
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Each month CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers, and this month’s writer of the month is @genevievemd! We hope you will enjoy learning more about her and her work below! The writer is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page.
Quick Links:
Tumblr Blog: genevievemd Blog Masterlist
How do you want to be known on Tumblr?  Sara
1- When did you start playing Choices? What's the first book you played? 
I honestly don’t remember, probably back in like 2017, 2018. I was playing it with the oldest of the kids I nannied at the time and also by myself cause I enjoyed it. We did it like a little book club together. It was also back when the app was not as spicy lol. We played America’s Most Eligible together, but my first book was Rules of Engagement. 
2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?
I joined the fandom officially back in October of 2020, I had lost interest in the app and then found it again during the pandemic. I finished book one of Open Heart and got sucked in. I fell in love with the characters and then rushed to finish what was out of Book 2 at the time (chapter 8). And then I lucked on Tumblr for a bit, stalked @jamespotterthefirst (lol), and then after chapter 17, I joined for real and wrote my first fic. And I’ve been here ever since. 
3- How did you pick your url name? 
It’s my MC’s name, and what I imagined her instagram/social media handle would be. 
4- Go back to your archive and tell us about the first post on your Choices blog. 
OMG, my first legit post was actually me reblogging a post I made on my real blog about Open Heart. I was asking people what we thought Ethan called MC as a pet name for the fic I was writing. 
5- How long have you been writing fanfiction?
Oh man, way too freakin long. At least 15 years was totes part of the fanfiction.net phase of the internet. I used to write for a couple of shows I was into, but I didn’t get super into writing fanfiction until the show Once Upon a Time. And then I wrote all the time for my favorite ship, Captain Swan. They’re all still up on my main blog. 
6- What is your favorite Choices book to write about?
I’ve actually only written for one, Open Heart. I’ve never had the desire or inspiration for any other book. Even though I’ve played a bunch of books. 
7- Share the first fanfic you wrote with us. Do you still like it or would you change anything about it?
Do I have to? Lol A Love Like This
It was called A Love Like This, and I hate it. I think mostly because I didn’t have a true voice for Genevieve or my interpretation of Ethan. I contemplate deleting it from my masterlist all the time, but it was part of my journey in the OPH/Choices fandom and paved the way to finding my MC’s voice and my own writing style. So I keep it. 
8- What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?
So many lol But I think my all-time favorite would be my series The Year Between. Does that count? It was the first major series I’ve ever written… ever and it tackled so many things about my characters. My second fav is Breathe Through – it was a very personal piece and means a lot to me. 
9- Do you have a fic that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to be but could use a little more love?
Oh totally. My first ever smut fic, Something About You. I was not expecting people to be as into it as much as they were. I was pleasantly surprised because our fandom has so many amazing smut writers, and I don’t compare at all. 
As for one I think needs more love? I honestly can’t decide. For as long as I’ve been in this fandom, every fic I’ve posted has been met with so much love and support I can’t think of any that I wish had gotten more. (Maybe my second smut fic, Sunset Glow, only cause I think it got lost in the Smutober chaos, lol)
10- If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why? 
Angsty Fluff. Best of both worlds. It also gives you more options with like fic topics. I like for my fictional worlds to feel a little more real, so people can relate more and I think angsty fluff allows for that. You can have the struggle and sadness but with a happy ending. 
11- Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?
LMAO Yes. Genevieve is me but smarter. Most of her traits are my own, including her anxiety and I’ve always used writing her a comfort, a way to express myself in a way that’s healing. If that makes any sense. She’s like the version of me I’d want to be one day. Just not a doctor cause I can’t handle other peoples bodily fluids. Lol 
My OC, Natalie Michaels has a bit of me in her too, but not as much as Genevieve. 
12- What element of writing do you struggle with most?
I call it the in between bits, the descriptive parts between dialogue. I think that has to do with my schooling background. I went to college for film and television and did a lot of screen writing for my classes and so dialogue has always come so easy to me. I envision fics like scenes from an episode or movie, so getting the in between parts of fics can be challenging for me. 
13- Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?
So many. The epilogue to The Year Between, a valentines day fic, the rest of the Absence Makes the Heart… series. I hope to get back to them one day, but I’ve learned that I can’t force my brain to write because I never like my work when I do. When I’ll wait until the inspiration for them returns, and then I’ll finish them. 
14- If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to read your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you recommend they read first? 
Yes. I’m so proud of the world I created from Open Heart and if someone wanted to read them I’d let them. I’d just give them the link to the masterlist for Open Heart: Sara’s Version and say, “Start from the top” lol 
15 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing?
IRL writers? No. I don’t read a lot outside of fanfiction which is horrible lol, but in the random, there are a few. Bree @jamespotterthefirst is a huge inspiration for me. She was one of if not the first people I read when I joined, and I’m just in awe of her work. Everything she writes is amazing and brings me so much joy. Others are @jerzwriter and @potionsprefect, and some who aren’t in the fandom anymore.
16- Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series? 
All of my universe, aka Open Heart: Sara’s Version. As I said earlier, I write like I’m writing a tv show lol So I wanna see my version of Open Heart as a show. 
17- Do you write original stories? 
I don’t but I think about turning OPH: SV into an original series.
18 -  What other hobbies do you have?
I love playing video games. I’m not good, but I enjoy it. I’m super lame and don’t have many hobbies outside of writing and video games… I should get some lmao 
19 - What’s your favorite emoji? 
The double pink heart 
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judasisgayriot · 1 month
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it’s your friendly neighborhood heroes anon! you seem to maybe kinda like the petrellis, so i’ll give you a fun ask about them.
what do you think peter and nathan were like with each other growing up? i’ve seen a bunch of different headcannons from people. in some they’re only like 8 years apart and in others it’s 14. some people think nathan was seen as more of a ‘cool cousin that gets you booze’ type by peter and they never really saw each other much, but when they did it was a fun time. but then in other fics nathan and peter are basically conjoined at the hip even after nathan graduates.
it’s all a big mess, and i don’t know who to believe lol. your thoughts? don’t be afraid to ramble on and on (and on)
Hi!!! I love to talk about the Petrellis haha so here goessss 💖💖
Ooh so first of all, I don’t rly know anything abt the supplemental stuff like the comics lol but not many ppl do anyway lmao
And secondly, in regards to their age gap we can roughly work it out from a few things: s1-s4 take place over roughly ~2 years (for instance Claire is 15-16 in s1 and 18/going to college in s4). Peter was born in December 1979 and is 26 in s1 (stated in canon), Nathan is similarly stated to be 40 in s4 (so ~38 in s1). So I’ve always interpreted them as being 12 years apart. Which yes, is a pretty sizeable age gap and means they wouldn’t have hung out in the same way that siblings of closer ages/in similar life stages would have. Peter and/or Nathan would be away at fancy boarding school, Nathan was in the military for parts of Peter’s childhood.
Their childhood is not super filled in by canon so a lot of this is my personal headcanon/interpretation (be warned for subjectivity/filling in the gaps) but I think their clinging to each other/closeness did start very young regardless of the age gap. Their father was terrifying and emotionally abusive as fuck, controlling to Nathan and at best dismissive and neglectful to Peter, Angela at least loves them in her own way but isn’t much better as a parent and is actively manipulative/gaslighting them all the time lmao and they live in an insane household that forced them together due to this (no wonder they’re Like That).
I think Nathan’s always been protective of Peter and wanted to be there for him/stand in front of him to shield him (though I think he’s later a little resentful about it, similarly Peter sometimes sees Nathan as too much of a puppet to their parents and doesn’t get why he didn’t stand up for himself more/gets frustrated with him, but Nathan was literally moulded from birth to be their obedient little attack dog who’d do whatever they wanted him to. Nathan in s3 saying his evil mind-controlling dad chose his career and even the person he married was picked out for him. There’s a reason that he seems so spineless.) but Nathan’s exception has always been Peter - the one thing he’ll defy his parents for. In s1 he goes along with what he’s meant to do until it comes time for him to pick The Plan or Peter, and he sacrifices himself for Peter. I think Angela never even considered that Nathan would choose Peter over her plan for him, which was the flaw in her machinations lol.
Peter also mentions in s4 that Nathan would rearrange his military leave to be there for Peter’s birthday, etc. i think that they were really happy to see each other every time they got to, it gave them some escape with someone who wasn’t their parents, who understood what it was like to grow up in that family. They’re hugely different people, but in part because Peter was allowed that freedom to be himself and have his own opinions that Nathan simply didn’t have, and again I think Nathan at once kind of resents this and also fiercely wanted that for Peter and is proud of him, despite the way he’s mean to him sometimes lol.
Of course I’d be remiss not to mention the infamous s2 deleted scene, where Nathan says that he and Peter used to steal Arthur’s scotch and go out to the treehouse and he ‘got him drunk for the first time’ up there. Not sure exactly when but this has to have been when Peter was a teenager, and… whew. The way Nathan delivers this with such anguish (‘why did I go back there…’) says so much about how intensely he feels about this whole thing, like, whatever really happened in that treehouse was a LOT and he’s having a LOT of feelings about it. I think when Peter was a teenager their closeness started becoming TOO much and too intense and it scared Nathan a bit as much as he wanted to hold onto Peter. But aaaaanyway….
I just love me some codependent brothers lmao so I’ve probably coloured it more towards that in my own perception. But basically I do think they were close regardless of the age gap!
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emmedoesntdomath · 10 months
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baby’s first fic exchange
I wanted to have this posted last night, but unfortunately, that didn’t happen, so here we are. I’m just going to start from the top, and work my way until now.
so, I tried running my first exchange back in february, before I even had an operating tumblr account. I set it up, I opened the sign ups…and then immediately panicked and took it all down, before anyone could see anything. I decided I was way over my head, and firmly swore to never try that again, ever.
(fun fact- emme doesn’t know how to keep her promises to herself.)
flash forward two months, to april, and a friend convinces me to create an actual tumblr account. she says it can be small, I don’t have to do anything with it, I could just be mutuals with her, and then talks me out of deleting it immediately, too. I make it through the first two-ish weeks essentially white-knuckling it, not knowing what to do, not talking to anyone, just reblogging parkner posts because that’s what I came here to do, okay.
and then I made that stupid post about wondering if anyone had any newsies asks.
and then crystal reblogged it.
suddenly, I was knee-deep in this fandom again; talking to people, making headcanon posts with @sparkedblaze, ranting about history until people took notice. and it kind of just,,, kept going??? I was sitting there the entire time, confused but having the time of my life, waiting for the other shoe to drop and for everything to go away again. and it didn’t. it SPIRALED.
at some point, we got close to the end of our headcanon posts, and I remember thinking, well, now what I am I going to do? I hadn’t really been posting new works, was stuck firmly in a writer’s block, and was bored. (bad things happen when emme’s bored.) and a tiny voice in the back of my mind whispered- fic exchange?
and suddenly we were doing a fic exchange.
on the first day that I officially opened the sign ups, we got fifteen. FIFTEEN. I remember, because I was with my friends and just staring at my phone in shock. that, of course, grew to THIRTY SEVEN SIGN UPS. WHICH GREW TO FOURTY TWO WRITTEN WORKS. WHICH LEADS US TO LITERALLY TODAY. WHAT.
it was a two months of absolute joy, guys. and throughout that entire process, I was figuring out the minor details behind the scenes, having so much fun and occasionally freaking out to @sparkedblaze. it was a definite learning experience, and I legitimately can’t wait until next time. it’s going to be even better than the first, and I will guarantee that.
now for the fun part, since we’re done with the stories.
first of all, thank you so so so so much to everyone who signed up and participated. it was such a joy to work with you all, and then get to see what you created. I know a lot of you at this point, and it felt like one big party most of the time. I can’t wait to do it again <3
second of all, an even bigger thank you to those who tried to participate, but couldn’t. there were a couple of you that couldn’t get an AO3 account in time, or we couldn’t figure out an immediate solution, and thank you so much for being willing to join us, and for your patience with me. I am very excited to see you all in our next events.
third, to our lovely pinch hitter @ill-say-anything-i-hafta. you stepped in with exactly a week to write a fic, and gave us something beautiful. I owe you so much for that, and I’m so eternally grateful to you. I am waiting anxiously to see what you do next, my friend.
fourth, to @thatoneandlonelyemo2005. mack and I tossed headcanons back and forth so many times during this exchange, and I legitimately would not have the fics that I did without him. <333
and- of course- @sparkedblaze. you wrote pinch hits, listened to my freak outs, begged to help more, told me it was going to be okay, and yelled at me when I needed a break. you have done so much for this, and honestly, you deserve the majority of the credit for the exchange’s success. I owe you literally everything. thank you so much for all you do. know how much I appreciate and adore you, please <3
see you all next time. thank you for everything you’ve done for me.
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olderthannetfic · 1 year
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So, I own a discord server based on an RPF ship. It’s two streamers who are married in real life and also roleplay together as a married couple. There wasn’t a lot of content for them so I made a discord as a place to discuss AUS, share fics and have some fun
Discord gets a decent amount of people, about twenty. I prefer to keep it open, you can just come in without having to have a certain role or anything. Eventually, one of the streamer’s mods joins and they seem pretty chill
Now the server much had a tumblr Esque vibe when it came to jokes which was assuming the streamers would never see it. There was one member (I’ll call them Emily) who had a bit of a dirty sense of humor with their jokes basically being the equivalent of calling one of the streamers a DILF and drawing fanart that could be seen as slightly suggestive but even then it wasn’t like porn or anything. This server was also very obscure with a small amount of members and nothing in it was meant to be seen by the streamers.
Then a new person joined who I’ll call Ally. Ally joined and didn’t make an intro or talk at all but I don’t really care. Ally is on the server for at least five hours.
Then the mod makes a fucking call out post in the genral channel to the entire server saying that Emily’s jokes, told in a server with a grand total of twenty people, broke the streamers boundaries and that Emily’s fanart also broke boundaries. Then the mod fucking left before anyone had a chance to really respond.
As it turned out the mod had invited Ally over to answer questions about the call out because they were too much of a chicken to stay and explain things themselves. Also, these jokes went on for months plus those extra five hours Emily was on the server. They had all the time in the world to talk to anyone privately about their concerns.
I was never told privately that there might be a problem. Emily was never talked to privately that there might be a problem. Instead the mod just dropped a Twitter worthy call out post, abused their authority as a mod to make Emily feel terrible and didn’t even have the balls to face the server themselves after making this call out post instead using Ally as a proxy.
They planned a call out instead of talking to anyone privately like a mature person would do.
It was a mess, a total mess. People started leaving and Emily felt so guilty that they had ruined the server. I had to make some rules (that I don’t agree with tbh) about certain jokes being banned mainly so that everyone would stop freaking out. Emily also wound up getting banned from these streamers chats based on this private petty discord server drama where neither streamer even knew what was in it.
I guess I’m telling you all of this because I feel I handled the situation poorly. What I should’ve done was told Ally that the mod had to come and speak for themselves and then banned Ally from the server. That or I should’ve deleted the call out post entirely and told everyone to ignore it
But I didn’t because I got scared and I panicked. This was my first time running into this sort of thing as the owner and only mod and as a result of this I wound up not thinking things through and acting impulsively and being too much of a pushover.
I feel bad because I didn’t stand up for Emily, who I consider a friend
I have apologized to Emily, who thankfully didn’t leave, and after the dust settled the members who hadn’t left the server basically agreed the call out post was very fucking stupid. I also locked down the server and now anyone who wants to join has to make an intro. The server is getting some energy back after it almost died due to that drama.
I guess I’m telling you all of this because it’s a neat story and my first foray into being at the center of discord drama. It still eats me up at times how I handled it but at least no friendships were ruined because of it. My main concern is how many other people has that mod gotten unfairly banned from streamers chats.
Plus I think its a good story
--
I would have made a public statement about how the streamers' mod has a certain duty above that of just any fan, and that duty was to make the fandom a nice place.
I would say, both in the discord and outside of it, that they failed hard and should be ashamed of themselves. I would publicly put out the word that they invaded private space to cause a public ruckus and advise all other fandom discords to ban them preemptively.
They want to act like a server-raiding troll? Treat them as one.
No mercy.
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noteguk · 1 year
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how things have been and where do we go from here: a very needed and overdue update
Hello, everyone! A few hours ago I made my first post in a little over a year on this blog. The way I left was very abrupt and I pretty much ghosted everyone, so this is a post explaining why that happened and what are my plans moving forward. I’ll be as honest as I can and, before the cut, there is a shortened version of events and a quick Q&A of the things most people care about. If you don’t wanna read any more than that, it’s totally fine!
So, to keep things simple: a lot of things happened at once and, combining with a growing dissatisfaction with my writing, I just… deleted tumblr off my phone and decided to give myself a few months off. But one thing led to another, I had a few too many personal tragedies, med school got the best of me (which I finished last month, yay!) and I didn’t come back. Simple as that: life got in the way.
I tried to write here and there, but I was completely burned out and nothing came out properly. What was once an escape to me turned into something I was forcing myself to do and, along with my distancing from the fandom and BTS as a whole, I just didn’t have any inspiration. Hopefully that cloud has passed now. So here are my plans for this blog as of now.
Bad Influence Series: as previously stated, bad karma is the last part of the ongoing series timeline. I promised a final epilogue and that’s something that I’ll try my best to deliver, since so many people have devoted themselves to this couple. Being very frank, it’s not amongst my plans to post any more drabbles after that. And I’ll try to post a new work before I come back to BI.
Other stories: I came back with the prime intention to write again, but I must say it will not be as frequent as it used to be — not only for time management reasons, but because I don’t wanna burn myself out. I’ll take things slowly and try to focus more on shorter stories (so no more series for now), intercalating that with bigger ones. By the time I left I was pretty much posting 5k+ fics every week, which will not happen again (I don’t even have the brain for that honestly lmao)
Is this a definite return? Well… I don’t know. This is a risky attempt at most, honestly. I’ll try my best and I’ll start writing again, but there’s always a chance that this phase has passed for me and nothing will come out of this. Regardless, even if that is the case, I won’t vanish like last time, and I’ll make a proper goodbye post. I miss and love this community very much and I admit I’m shameful of the way I left. This blog has been a home to me and you guys have turned into such good friends, I really miss it all!
For those who want to know the details, read below the cut. For those who don’t, thank you for coming this far and thank you for still caring about my silly little blog. You guys have supported me through it all and I’m extremely thankful for it.
If I were to make a list of everything that happened this last year, we’d stay here for a very long time. Around the time that I left, things have started getting really complicated on my personal sphere: I started working on my closing thesis for med school, started my last year of it, had a huge falling out with my best friend and lost someone I loved very much. All that combined with my previously stated frustration with writing, plus my decaying mental health, it wasn’t surprising looking back that I freaked out and left the way I did.
My main issue with writing was something that hasn’t really changed, that’s why I’m hesitant to claim this as a comeback: I started feeling really weird about writing about real people. That has never been an issue before, and it’s not a moral attack against writers here or anything like that. I just started feeling strange about it, and I couldn’t shake that feeling off. Maybe it was just a side effect of being burned out, because it wasn’t as if OCs or anime stories were coming out any easier. So I gave myself time. And I hope that is enough.
The plan was to come back around July 2022, but I had a very traumatic death in my nuclear family and I stopped functioning completely. Luckily I have very amazing people in my life who helped me through the hardest parts of it, but, still, I guess it’s easy to see why writing wasn’t in the forefront of my mind.
Other than that — gurl u have no idea about the shit I’ve done lmaooo. I worked six months delivering babies??? Which was crazy??? I also studied under amazing professionals in a neonatal ICU, participated in so many surgeries and even published two papers. Your girl has been BUSY, I’ll tell you that. This past year has been one of immense personal and academic growth and, overall, I’m really happy about it. I also met the love of my life but that’s a story for another day.
So, again: my plans moving forward. Simply and objectively: try my best and hope to succeed. Once again, I miss you guys so much, and I admit I sneakily came back once or twice to see how things have been and all the messages I’ve gotten in the meantime. I’m flabbergasted and grateful at the continuous support you’ve thrown my way and it’s one of the main reasons why I decided to give this blog another go. So, yeah. Let’s see how this goes!
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lesbiansanemi · 14 days
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Why did you orphan your fairy tail fics?
Ahhhhh, to be honest there were quite a few reasons! And they kind of go hand in hand
When I orphaned them, I had completely lost all interest in the series. It was a fandom I could tell I would never be coming back to, or enjoy interacting with again. Especially writing my own fics for it. I didn’t want half-finished things I never had any intention of working on again on my profile
Also, as I shifted interests (namely to demon slayer, but also jujutsu kaisen, bleach, and chainsaw man) all the fairy tail fics just felt very out of place on my ao3 page. I get that that’s not something that bothers many people at all, but it did me!
There was also no secret that I had many, many issues with the way fairy tail was written. Both quality wise, but also with the abysmal way women, queer characters, and characters of color were treated. As well as its misogynistic over sexualization. Once any lingering fondness for the base concepts and characters were gone, it was VERY hard to find anything positive within the series, and I did not want to associate with it anymore because it kinda just pissed me off. So completed fics and one-shots were orphaned too
I also did not want people from the fairy tail fandom finding my account and ever expecting anymore writing from me. So both my ao3 and tumblr were pretty much scrubbed of posts related to it
Also all of my ft fics were written when I was a teenager, and when I orphaned them, I was no longer proud of the writing quality and didn’t want it attached to my name
And finally, the fandom was easily one of the most hateful and mean-spirited I ever participated in. Almost every fic I wrote got at least one hate comment (multi-chap fics tended to get multiple). On tumblr people would make posts talking about disliking me and my fics in the main tags. They would regularly send me asks and comment on my posts to complain. And a lot of the hateful interaction was based on disliking me making characters gay or trans in fics, or because I would talk about the horrible ways the minorities in canon were treated and they didn’t like that. It wasn’t something I wanted to put up with, and really soured me on the fandom as a whole. It was a big reason I orphaned fics, deleted all my original posts on tumblr regarding the series, and initially changed my url of this blog years ago around the time I did all this. I wanted to completely rebrand to shake all of that off
So essentially, there were a lot of reasons. While I did enjoy certain aspects of the series a long time ago (and I think this was due to me going through a very, VERY hard period of my life and I just so happened to get very attached to a more light hearted “happier” series filled with characters I could relate to), it’s not a series or fandom I wanted to be associated with in any capacity anymore for a lot of negative reasons
I’m happy and glad there were people who enjoyed my fics (which is why I orphaned them rather than deleting them) but I no longer wanted them attached to me in any capacity, and it is not a decision I regret at all. I’m very glad I did it, and I have a lot more fun interacting with people and writing for the fandoms I currently do
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qyuoza · 2 years
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Enough for Me (Beomgyu)
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“Everything I do isn’t enough, there’s always a problem with me. Everyone just leaves me Gyu, I’m so tired of it all”
Genre: Angst, Comfort
Pairing: Beomgyu x gn!reader
Warnings: Heavy mentions of being suicidal, gaslighting from the other party (neither Beomgyu or reader though), a death of a loved one being mentioned, A LOT of long dialogue
Synopsis: Everyone ended up walking out of your life somehow, and you always seemed to be the problem. Not in Beomgyu’s case though.
Note: I’m so sorry this is all loosely based on a true story that happened to me (not adding too many details) but I swear none of the idols mentioned as mean friends supposedly act like this in person in the story ;; it’s not really fiction either, just some parts are, but I just used people in replacement to get my feelings out the way and through this fic. (also this was proofread and edited as i reread everything)
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“Listen Y/n, I just think it’s immature of you to constantly delete your messages. Do you not think we care? You’re almost guilt tripping us in a way, and it’s not like we constantly have time to reply to you, we have important things to take care of outside of our friendship” your friend, Keeho, grit his teeth angrily.
You stood shell shocked at what had just come out of his mouth. Throughout the times you needed your friends most, they were never there for you, and now that your grandmother died they drop a bomb on you? It hadn’t even been a day since she passed.
“Keeho, I don’t want to argue with you so as an explanation, I don’t delete my messages as a form of guilt tripping. It just hurts my head and clogs my brain to see them in the chat, and seeing no replies with it just being there makes me feel even worse like I’m bringing the mood down, so I delete them because I also consider how you guys would feel” you reply quietly, completely avoiding eye contact with everyone else.
“Honestly Y/n, we’re not the best at comforting but we can always listen to you. You just make it seem as though we could care less” your other friend, Nana, quipped.
Why were they doing this to you? You had enough going through your mind and things were slowly escalating into an argument, but you were cornered, it was just you against everyone else at this point and there was already so much to take in.
“Y/n, we care about you ok? I don’t want you talking about killing yourself or that suicidal shit because I care about you. God, stop acting like a depressed piece of shit” Keeho continued to press on.
“I always consider how you guys would feel because I get you’re always so busy with school, but do I beg for you guys to listen? No, because I always put you all before me! Let me be selfish for once. I do not wish for you guys to experience the pain I’m feeling because it’s more important than school!” you say angrily, but kept ground by slouching beside Jeongin on the couch.
“Wow you think I’m doing so well don’t you Y/n?! You’re a fucking idiot, this is why I can’t handle anything when you say shit like that. My family has been going through shit for years and you think you have it so bad!” Winter yells.
“Guys can you give Y/n a break? Fucks sake, someone in the family just DIED and there is still school to think about. Do you not realize that losing a close loved one is a lot to take in? Leave Y/n alone and let things work on their own because there’s can only be so much on someone’s plate” Jeongin sighed, clearly agitated at how your friends were acting like complete idiots by arguing with you at the worst possible moment.
“Y/n you’ve always been the same, you wanna die right now? Fine, and you can have all the space you want, I don’t fucking care. At least come back when you’re mentally stable and respond normally will you?” You remained silent as everyone stared you down.
You were so close to breaking down that you simply ran out and didn’t look back. At least Jeongin was sane enough to call them out. It’s just right now, you needed to find solace in someone who actually cared about you and how you felt about all this rather than how they themselves feel. That’s when your feet led you to the house beside yours, Beomgyu’s.
You bring your hand to knock on the door, but it swings open before you could even land your knuckles on the wood to make the sound.
On the other side stood a worried looking Beomgyu, the male immediately rushing you inside and leading you to the couch, where he gave you a tight hug. That was the last thing you needed before you cracked, and suddenly all the tears you held in are streaming down your face.
“What happened? I heard about your grandmother but I also saw your other friends storming towards your house and now you’re here crying” Beomgyu says sadly.
You wipe your tears and smile off the pain, disregarding it as nothing when you were really at your full capacity with everything going on. There was school to think about, your family, how you were going to cope with everything. It was all too much to happen in less than a day.
Now you weren’t losing your friends, but yourself and just everything that has kept you grounded. Thinking about it, you’ve always been the problem, and even if you’ve tried your hardest to keep everything at peace, it always seemed to be because of you.
“Gyu, they were just agitated with me because I acted immaturely. I’ll spare you the details for now, but I delete my messages, they got mad and I gave them an explanation but then they go and gaslight me which is all too much to handle really” you blabbered as Beomgyu listened intently.
“Y/n, why would you let this happen? I remember you mentioning their lack of response towards you and how you never complained once, but then they go and do this? You don’t deserve any of this when you’ve done no wrong” he replies in a whisper, before bringing you into another hug that you needed so much.
“It’s just a lot, Keeho told me to stop acting like a depressed piece of shit, immediately bringing up my past of being suicidal and then Nana acts like she did so much for me. At least Jeongin cared, can’t say the same about Winter though” you muttered the last part to yourself, but Beomgyu still heard and chuckled.
“Well of course, he’s Jeongin. Not a man of many words but always has the right ones when needed, I’m glad he stood up for you” Beomgyu then got up and handed you a hoodie he found on the loveseat in his living room.
He hands you the hoodie and you take it with a grateful smile. You’ve been through a lot today, and having someone finally comfort and care about you made you feel comfortable to be a bit vulnerable for even just a moment. Beomgyu just felt like home to you.
“Y/n, they were shit friends towards you ok? They’re just mad because they’ve finally realized their mistakes and now that you’re putting yourself first, they think you’re a villan. You’ve spoonfed them too much” he poked your cheek and you almost laughed through your tears, before Beomgyu continued to speak.
“Listen, you are the most selfless person I know, you care so much about everyone else that you’ve reached a point where you pleased them too much, that now you can’t even do the bare minimum for yourself. I’ve seen how you comfort people and it’s in the most gentle way ever, and you actually listen despite the person’s concerns coming in one after another” you take in his words and tears stream down your face again.
“Everything I do isn’t enough, there’s always a problem with me. Everyone just leaves me Gyu, I’m so tired of it all” you sob. You’ve tried to fit in, and now that you do, you’re being pushed away like some freak because you can’t always be the happy go lucky friend.
Beomgyu frowns and pulls you even closer than you thought possible, which almost flustered you a bit, but he continued to comfort you. You just looked so tired, exhausted and sad, it hurt him to see you that way when you’ve been hiding it for the longest time because you felt like a burden towards others, when in reality you most certainly weren’t and never will be.
“You’ve suffered enough Y/n, let everything work by itself. To me, everything you do is enough, it’s enough for me ok? You were there for me during the times I needed someone, you kept me sane and comforted me even when you weren’t doing well by yourself either. Don’t beat yourself up over something that isn’t your fault because they just made you think that way” you nod and wipe your tears.
You knew what he meant. Beomgyu had it just as hard as you are having it now, and you made sure he knew he was heard and had a shoulder to cry on. It wasn’t just him either, you always made way to listen to everyone and tried your best to comfort them in any way you could.
“You know, you always make everyone feel heard, you’re just an amazing person Y/n. Do not ever think one bit that you aren’t enough, you do so much more for everyone, and I’m glad you come to us because we do more than what those other friends of yours could” Beomgyu stared at the photo of you and his other friends on the wall.
Since your friends were almost never available, you felt happy to reach out to Beomgyu and his four other friends, Yeonjun, Soobin, Taehyun and Hueningkai.
They all made you feel safe and heard during the times you had to stay strong for your grandmother, and even if they weren’t the best at comforting sometimes, they still tried, way more than anyone could bring themselves to.
“Thank you Gyu, I feel much better now at least. Can we watch a movie or something with the others? I wanna get my mind off things for awhile” you ask softly. Beomgyu nods at your request and immediately runs to order food and to call the others.
Honestly, you couldn’t ask for anything better, because even if life is shitty, you get stronger and the pain is only temporary.
© qyuoza 2022 -. no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any manner without the permission from the publisher.
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mwahkazu · 2 months
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hi mae! i used to write quite a bit, but i stopped after a while due to burnout but here i am again lmao
anyways, if you're okay with it, could you give some writing tips/how you do your writing process? dw if you don't want to or just can't explain it! :D
hi anon! oof…you’re experience actually brought back some flashbacks for me LMAO i went through the exact same thing a couple years back! ended up losing motivation/burnout, left and then came back for a second attempt 😅
i’ll do my best to offer you what i can and things that i found helpful to get back into the groove of writing <3
( long post ahead )
writing tips:
the first thing i heavily suggest is to just write. don’t focus too much on things like grammar, whether the story flows well, dialogue, or anything just write whatever comes to mind. you can worry about those things afterwards once you’re editing and revising!
along with that do some rough drafts! i know we all hated that stuff so much when we wrote essays and stuff for school but believe me having drafts truly does help when writing a story
if you dont like how one story turned out DONT DELETE IT. save it and come back to it another time! maybe you didn’t like how it flowed but you really liked that one dialogue or description you wrote and perhaps want to build a story based off of that or add it to a current wip
decide on what it is you want to write! maybe you just want to have a blog strictly centered around one character or person, write smau’s, oneshots, hcs, etc. or maybe even a culmination of everything! all of these are considered writing and will always have an audience wanting to read them on here
one of the main reasons my burnout happened was because i gave myself too much work and a schedule. i know some authors like to have a schedules for their work but i honestly found it very pressuring which resulted in my uploading works i wasn’t proud of or that were rushed :((
write whenever you feel like it! remember that you’re your own boss on here! there’s no problem with updating once every month or every other day. writing takes time. i assure you your blog isn’t going anywhere if you leave it or take a break from writing for a couple of days
at the same time you also need to know your limits as a writer. don’t feel the need to constantly be uploading fics every single day! that’s one of the main reasons writers on here sometimes abandon their blogs or series. ofc if you’re able to handle doing so then by all means go for it. but i know for most it’s taxing and leads to a lot of burnouts and lack of motiviation
so take your time. if you have an idea for a series or story plan it out first and then once you’ve got a good idea of how you want everything to play out then you can upload it!
don’t feel ashamed about looking up things online! i for one am constantly looking up ways to describe certain things like emotion, expressions, scenes, etc. ( insert me typing “synonyms for (word)” 😭 ). it just goes to show you want to improve your writing and make it more interesting!
writing is all about trial and error. there is no wrong or right way of doing it. i know when it comes to tumblr, getting your fics recognized and read by others can be very hard with the algorithm and such relying heavily on reblogs which most fics struggle to gain a lot of as people just opt for just liking.
but please don’t be discouraged by how many notes your works receive! as long as you stay consistent and true to your writing it’s bound to reach others and receive the recognition it deserves <3
writing process:
as for my writing process it’s a bit all over the place lol
a lot of my stories/smaus i come up with due to being inspired by something! whether it’s from a song, a prompt/dialogue starter i found on pinterest, a movie/anime show, aus/tropes, or sometimes having a random thought like “what if character a and character b were this and that”
but once i have an idea i start planning it out! i recently made the transition of planning out my writing from google docs to notion and omg… it’s become a life saver i highly recommend using notion as a way to plan out your fics snd such
everything is just so organized, there are templates online to use that you can add personal touches/adjustments to to really make it your own!
usually when i come up with a fic idea i already have a character in mind that i would like to do it for but if you dont have one or are struggling to decide, pick at random my friend LMAO ik a lot of my moots sometimes use a character wheel or random pick generator online to decide on characters and from what i’ve seen it helps them a lot😭
when planning out my fics i dont focus too heavily on every little detail. it’s called the planning stage for a reason. i just focus on the major points i want to make sure i hit, write out certain ideas i have in mind for a specific scene or dialogue sequence, character/world building and all that good stuff
creating a playlist for the story also helps me a lot too! really establishes the mood of the story and even gives me some additional inspo/support! one thing i recently started doing is finding a playlist on youtube that fits the mood of my story and then opening another yt tab and searching for ambience sound and playing them both at the same time lol ( trust the process )
once i feel satisfied with my planning i move on to the writing ( the most dreadful part of all /lh ). as i mentioned in the writing tips section, i just write whatever comes to mind and keep going until i get stumped or run out of ideas
if i hit that point i take a break and focus on doing other things like working on another piece or doing something outside of writing ( cough playing stardew valley ) or talking to my lovely moots <3
this is also considered a writing tip but take breaks! i cannot stress this enough. don’t spend hours just writing! take breaks in between, distract yourself with something else. sometimes your mind just needs a break from writing for a bit.
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candycandy00 · 2 months
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20 Questions for Fic Writers
Thank you so much for tagging me, @scary-grace! This was a lot of fun!
1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 
18, though I’ve only posted a fraction of my BNHA stuff on there and there’s even some JJK stuff I haven’t posted there yet. 
2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?
217,870. And wow it took me way too long to find that lol. I didn’t even know about the Statistics page! 
3. What fandoms do you write for? 
Currently, Jujutsu Kaisen and Boku no Hero Academia. I wrote for a ton of different fandoms back in my “previous era” I’ll call it lol. I wrote for One Piece, Naruto, Final Fantasy (mostly 7 and 12), Death Note, Gundam Wing, Harry Potter, Durarara!!, and lots of other things (almost all of it featuring non canon ships like Cloud x Yuffie and L x Misa). I’d like to try writing for Bungou Stray Dogs and Demon Slayer at some point. 
4. What are your top five fics by kudos?
The Doll House (2,280)
Human (390)
The Offering (377)
How to Seduce a Gamer (300)
Little Miss Nobody (234)
5. Do you respond to comments?
I try to! But sometimes if it’s a comment on an older chapter of something I might not or if I got several close together I miss a few and then I’m too embarrassed to go back and respond later. Or if they just comment with an emoticon, I’m not sure how to reply lol. 
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
In my current era, it’s definitely the Mr. Compress chapter of The Dark Carnival. I have other fics that end badly for Reader but this one felt very tragic to me. 
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 
Most of mine have pretty happy endings! 
8. Do you get hate on fics? 
Current era, I occasionally get people complaining that certain Readers are wimpy or stupid or whatever. I even had one person on AO3 write out a huge wall of text about how one of my Reader characters was a Mary Sue (they simultaneously complained that she was too weak and useless in a fight but also too perfect). But I tend to shrug off those comments. Readers are supposed to be Mary Sues. They’re literally Reader/Writer self inserts! Part of the appeal of x Reader fanfiction is the fantasy of Reader being an idealized version of yourself. So yeah she can hang out with the League of Villains and be the only girl Dabi has ever liked, or she can be old high school buddies with Gojo and Geto and they’re both crazy about her. It’s all fantasy. 
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? 
Yes! And I write pretty much all kinds that don’t involve my three “big no’s” (minors, animals, or scat/pee/vomit). 
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? 
Not since I was a kid, writing Sailor Moon/DBZ crossovers lol. 
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 
Not in my current era, not that I know of. In my previous era, I wrote a Gundam Wing fanfic that got really popular in the fandom and was ripped off twice. Not exactly copied word for word, but very close in both cases. They basically changed the wording around a bit but kept the entire plot the same (and it was a very unique AU with a big, sprawling plot). 
12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 
Not that I know of!
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 
Like 20+ years ago a friend and I were co-writing a very fucked up DBZ fanfic together. It was actually pretty good, but it was unfortunately lost to time. I’d give anything to find it and be able to read it again, but she’s the one who was posting it and she deleted her account a few years later. 
14. What’s your all time favorite ship? 
I’m just gonna go with my current fave ships of my two main fandoms: BNHA (Spinneraki) and JJK (SatoSugu). 
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? 
Probably The League of Villains Heroes. I love it dearly but it gets practically no notes so I have little motivation to keep working on it. 
16. What are your writing strengths? 
I’ve always felt like dialogue is my strong point. Probably because, until I was up into my 20’s, I rarely read actual books and almost exclusively read comics/manga (which tend to be dialogue heavy). I think I’m pretty decent with plotting as well. 
17. What are your writing weaknesses? 
Descriptions! 😩 I am so bad at describing things. Or rather, I’m bad to just… not do it. I literally forget to. I’ve had friends read my work and be like “what does this place look like?” Or “what does that guy look like?” And I can see it all so clearly in my head that I forget readers can’t see it as well. 
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? 
I sometimes toss in some honorifics just because it seems weird to have certain characters not use them. Other than that, I try to avoid throwing in random Japanese (the only other language I would even consider using, just because these are Japanese characters). I did have Sukuna say his famous “Gambare, gambare” line once but it’s just too iconic! 
19. First fandom you wrote for? 
First I wrote for: Sailor Moon. First I actually posted a fic online for: Dragon Ball Z. 
20. Favourite fic you’ve written? 
I’m going to pick one from each fandom, only among completed fics. 
BNHA: Trending Topics
JJK: The Offering
Tagging @missrosegold and any other writer friends who would like to do this!
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fortunatelycooltrash · 3 months
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hello! sorry if this is annoying and feel free to ignore me if this is a question you get a lot but I was curious if you are the author of "The Judge's choice" on AO3.
I was feeling nostalgic a few days ago and wanted to re-read the fics that got me into fanfiction in the first place so imagine my surprise when I can't seem to find this fic in my bookmarks nor on the author's ao3 page. Anyhow, long story short, I went on a 4 hour investigation spree looking for the fic and stumble upon this post on your blog (https://www.tumblr.com/fortunatelycooltrash/190283589313/where-can-i-find-the-fanfic?source=share) that seemingly has the link i'm searching for but when I enter it doesn't work. So yeah, I think the work might be deleted and I wanted to know whether it was conscious choice on your part because this fic meant a lot to me and it would be a pity for it to be lost but at the same time I respect if that is your final decision for whatever reason (you already provided so many great works to the site that I can't really ask for more, y'know?).
I know this is old and that what I’m about to say is somewhat not relevant to your ask but it will answer your questions and hopefully anyone else that travels over from my ao3 account.
While I don’t plan to permanently be away, hardly anyone ever does. I didn’t shut off my laptop one day and decide I hated my stories and didn’t want to write them anymore, but life has a funny way of making writing funky cat stories sit on the back burner and then you turn around and it’s been years. The troubles I mentioned in my notes were not the worst ones to come and they never quite ended, there’s always a fire to put out somewhere and usually it burns out my motivation before I can put it out.
While I do understand people loved the story, the truth is that I really, really, don’t and I hate that stupid 15yr old me put it out for everyone to read without even polishing it. Even when I tried to revamp it, it would essentially be rewriting it which was too big a project for me to take on with everything else in my life.
It’s writing is bad to me and it embarrasses me for it to be public in any form, hence why comments that try and post links to downloaded versions or the way back machine are deleted from any other work they comment on. I can’t stop people from having these and, frankly, I don’t mind whoever has them having them <privately> but I prefer it to not be posted all over a Small Flame or A Snuffed Spark which are works that I was actually kind of proud of.
I know the intent is not malicious or disrespectful but to me it is. If I wanted the fic all over my profile, even when I’ve stepped away from it, I’d not have taken it down. The works I’m comfortable with being public are the ones I’ve allowed to stay up.
If you have a copy of it, or can find a copy of it, that does not bother me but please do not post it on my other works. I don’t want it on my profile or reposted on the site at this moment.
I may rewrite it someday into something more polished and, for god’s sake, <spell checked> but for now that project is the last thing on my mind. I’d most likely continue A small flame before anything else.
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spanishrose2002 · 1 year
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👀🖊👻
Thank you, anon, for asking! You know I love these things! I'm a sucker for talking about fic.
Do you have any WIPs that you would never let see the light of day? If yes, what are they about?
I am pretty much comfortable with throwing my hot garbage out there after so many years. Honestly. I have been flamed, harassed, trolled, and insulted by people behind my back and openly. You can read my hot garbage if you want to and, if you don't, you can move along home. So, honestly, I have no shame. Anything can see the light of day. If I write it, complete it, and I'm even halfway OK with it, I'll be glad for someone else to see it. Sometimes what I write is really bad, but I leave it. If nothing else, I hope that someone else sees it and it makes them feel really good about something they wrote. Maybe, even, it simply lets them know that we all write really bad things sometimes, and that's OK. There's no need to be ashamed. Post a snippet from a current WIP.
I had to go burrowing through the folder, but I found this. "
Merle had always had a pretty strict love ‘em and leave ‘em philosophy.  Daryl’s brother was a first-class asshole, honestly.  Fortunately, or unfortunately, though, he was an honest asshole.  He was upfront and direct.  He didn’t hide his faults, and he didn’t sugarcoat them.  He’d tell a woman at the table that he’d be the best damn lover she ever had—for a night—but he didn’t do breakfast.  He always figured it was up to her to make the best decision she could for herself. 
There was a pretty steady stream of traffic out to Merle’s place, really, so Daryl assumed that was up more women’s alleys than he might have honestly expected—either that or they were already too drunk to make good decisions when the time came.
Daryl wasn’t at all like his brother.  What he wanted was something different entirely—and maybe what he wanted didn’t even really exist.  He preferred to ride out shit on his own rather than to end up tangled up in something he couldn’t get out of or to waste his time with women who fell short of a dream. 
Maybe he was a first-class asshole, himself, but he was just as honest as his brother.  He’d rather just tell a woman he wasn’t interested in her than to take her home and have to later admit to her that she didn’t scratch the itch he couldn’t quite identify.
The only woman that seemed to have broken Merle’s streak was a woman that Daryl honestly wasn’t sure he believed existed at this point. 
Mouse.  That’s what Merle called her."
What is one WIP you think you may never pick back up? I fully intend to finish all of my fics. However, if I'm picking one that I'm least likely to ever pick up again, it's "In A Good Way." It would take a lot of work to get me back in the mood for that one. Close behind that would be "The Little Things." Because of personal experiences, I need to backtrack that one. I want to delete some chapters/redo them toward the end to be able to continue. I also need to figure out how to gracefully move out some characters that I don't intend to keep moving forward. I do, however, intend to do all that (for better or for worse) and eventually finish that one. It's not really that far from the end, if I can just fix those things and get it there.
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screadingchallenge · 2 years
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Behind the Keyboard Volume 36
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Behind the Keyboard is a series of interviews with different Schitt’s Creek fanfic authors. The series will last as long as there is interest (from authors) and capacity (from me). If you are an author from the Schitt’s Creek fandom who would like to participate, send a DM to this account.  
Each author was given ten questions. The first five questions are the same for every author, the last five will vary.
If you'd like to do an interview, let me know!
Let’s meet our next author:
@flowerfan2 / flowerfan
How many fics have you written? 235
When did you publish your first fic on AO3? 
Fall of 2013.  I don’t know the exact date because I had to delete my first one from A03 - it was a Glee fic and I had used too much of a song so they messaged me about it, and I was too embarrassed to simply edit it.
Describe your writing process from “Oh, I have an idea” to pushing publish on AO3. 
This varies.  Sometimes I am seized with an idea and I simply can’t stop writing - for those fics, I move from the idea to posting within a day or two.  For longer fics, or fics written for challenges, the process moves a bit more slowly.  With multi-chapter fics I have begun to have a few organizing documents, so I keep track of what happens in each chapter.  This was particularly important in my Schitt’s Creek Legally Blond AU, So Much Better, because I was trying really hard to match up the fic with the songs from the show.  I think I succeeded pretty well!
Tell me about your most recent fic? What do you love about it? Is there anything you think you could have done better? 
My most recent fic, Apples and Honey, is kind of an outlier. It is the only Kirk/Spock fic I have ever written, and it’s also pretty niche because it’s about Rosh Hashanah.  But I have recently started reading a lot of Star Trek fic and I was thinking alot about it right around the Jewish High Holidays, and I didn’t want to break my streak of posting a High Holiday fic (previous ones were David x Patrick, and Good Omens), and it just happened.  I kind of love it, in part because I admire how Leonard Nimoy’s Jewish identity influenced his character, and I think that worked nicely in the fic.  As far as what I could have done better - I try not to spend too much time worrying about that.  If what I write makes me happy, then I’m good.
What advice would you give to someone who’s thinking about publishing their fic for the first time? 
Just do it.  Honestly.  There’s no reason at all not to, and so many reasons to go for it.
What’s the best advice anyone has ever given you about writing? 
It’s the same as my answer to question #6 - just do it.
How has writing fic changed you? 
It has given me the confidence to understand and explore my own creativity.  And brought me a lot of joy.
If you could say one thing to the people who read your fic, what would it be? 
Thank you.  And please know how much every comment and kudos means to me.
If you could say one thing to your fellow fic writers, what would it be? 
Don’t worry, we all want more cake.  More cake is awesome, keep it coming.
What is your comfort fic? 
It’s hard to pick just one, but I think I have to go back to my first fandom (Glee) - The Symphony Verse, by shandyall. 
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farahsamboolents · 1 year
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As promised, here are the DELETED SCENES from I’m The First In Line (my steddie fic on ao3)
I’M THE FIRST IN LINE: DELETED SCENES
You might recognize some of these passages from the completed fic - the whole point of having a Deleted Scenes is so I can go through and pick out the buried gems when I find a good home for them. Pretty sure I just mushed two different phrases together there, but you get the point. These are all in here for the reusability factor (in either concept or wording), OR to make a point about why I didn’t use them and explain how it goes against the ethos of the completed fic.
(If I kept retrying the same scene over and over, I mushed them all together a little)
Steve breathed another heavy sigh. “I guess I could just pretend. I could still find a girl who wants to be a mother of six.”
“But you don’t want to.”
“No. I want him.”
[END SCENE]
Deleted because “no, I want him” sounded… too much? Right now he just has a crush, he’s not quite ready for marriage and six kids… with Eddie, anyway. The man is ready to build a goddamn family. Slow down. Turn twenty first.
“I can feel it, sometimes.” She said. “When people are in the Upside Down. And I can find them there, too.”
“Yeah, and I can tell when someone took too much, but only if I’m close enough.”
She looked back at him, studying him.
Eddie matched her gaze.
“I heard about that fucked up facility you went to,” he said softly, “they probably made it sound like it was all your fault, right? Like they could fix you?”
She nodded, looking away.
“I went to - not the same, obviously, no superpowers here - but I kinda had the same thing happen. It’s why I live with my uncle, he got me out of there.”
She met his gaze again. “Why?” She said.
He let out a deep sigh.
“Because god hates gays, or some shit.” She looked at him inquisitively, so he continued, “I like boys. Same way you do. Don’t spread it around or anything, there’s a reason I went there in the first place but, if we’re on the topic of things that aren’t our fault.” He shrugged, shoulders scraping against the concrete.
“It took a lot of time to unlearn the crap that they told me.
[END SCENE]
Deleted because I didn’t want Eddie to come out to El just yet, and didn’t have a way of explaining why he was sent away otherwise. HOWEVER, I still kind of miss the opportunity to have them bond over that. On the other hand, I really really want to make sure I treat that part of his backstory right, and coming out of the closet willy-nilly is dangerous now a lot of the time, and he’s in smalltown Indiana in the 80’s.
The door leading to the house slammed open just then, and they both jumped.
“I found them!” Shouted Mike’s voice, “They’re both by the pool!”
“Jesus,” breathed Eddie, hand over his heart, as he heard a chorus of oh my god and you scared us from the doorway, where everyone spilling out of the house.
He rolled over to get up, fighting against his stiff and aching joints. Fuck, something as easy as standing up should not be this complicated.
He yelped as the ground suddenly flew away from beneath him, limbs flailing wildly for… grip? Balance? He had no idea, but the ground came back, slower, and his feet were placed on the ground just as gently as his cane was placed into his palm.
El was smiling at him as she wiped her nose on her sleeve with the hand was outstretched in his direction just a second ago.
[END SCENE]
Deleted because too many people showed up, and I wanted it to just be him and Steve. I like the idea of El helping him up, though. What I would give to have someone help me up like that some days…
It was the first day of school, according to the walkie-talkie’s nonstop chatter the day previous. The vast majority of Eddie’s friends consisted of teenagers who coordinated a game plan for the first day of sophomore year. The first day of school was a day Eddie knew all too well, and yet, for the first time in six years, he had nowhere to be. It was an odd feeling. It might have even been a nice one, if he had a more pleasant reason to climb out of bed.
[END SCENE}
Deleted because I ended up setting Eddie’s panic attack in late September rather than the first day of school.
It felt peaceful, thought Eddie, to watch the sun rise with Steve by his side. They didn’t talk much, just watched as the sun slowly rose.
Eddie didn’t realize he had fallen asleep until Wayne woke him up with a mug of coffee under his nose.
He was surprised to find that Steve was still there. Wayne handed him a mug as well.
When Wayne ruffled his hair and then Steve’s in turn, Eddie wanted this moment - with Steve’s bashful smile, holding Wayne’s favourite mug, and a comfortable breeze - to last forever.
Steve eventually had to shatter the illusion by leaving for an appointment - some sort of test to make sure he was firefighter ready - but he left behind a warmth in Eddie’s chest, as if he had lit a campfire in there. It was only fitting, Eddie supposed, that he was camped out in there.
[END SCENE]
Deleted because this scene felt unproductive. I kept getting stuck. However, them napping on the front porch together? Golden.
Eddie to Max:  I didn’t even mean to tell you, but now that you know, it’s a 50/50 on reactions. So give me a minute before I play with that ratio again.
[END SCENE]
Deleted because I realized that he was outed to Robin and Vickie who both had neutral reactions (although technically Eddie interpreted them as negative, but that’s neither here nor there), and while I may have failed math, but I know that it’s definitely not a 50/50 anymore. Too bad, though, I liked that line.
He then paused, and his face changed to one of confusion, brows knitting even further into themselves, and his frown was so high that it almost disappeared under his moustache.
“What’re you smiling for, kid?”
Eddie was indeed grinning wryly. “I don’t know, Wayne, maybe because this is the first time since spring break that you’ve actually talked to me like I’m not going to shatter.”
Wayne blinked. After a pause, he said roughly, “You better not have been hurting yourself on purpose for me to get mad at you.”
“Not on purpose, no. I just,” Eddie shrugged, trailing off his sentence.
Wayne sank back into his chair and slowly slid Eddie’s mug back across the table. An olive branch.
“I’m sorry if I haven’t been talking to you right. I’m tired of you being hurt and didn’t wanna be the one doing it.”
[END SCENE]
Deleted because the tension died too fast. Also, has anyone else noticed I make my characters say half sentences and trail off? I keep catching myself doing that. It’s not always bad, but sometimes the quirk is out of character in the moment.
“The Upside Down fucking destroyed me,” he said, voice shaking with a half cooked combination of anger and fear, “And it destroyed you, and it destroyed our home, and it destroyed half of this goddamn town, and it killed Chrissy.”
He swallowed heavily. Wayne looked terrified. He simultaneously wanted to comfort him, and laugh in his face because now you know a fraction of how I feel.
[END SCENE]
I went from “the tension died too fast” to “wow the tension is too high and I don’t know how to pull back from it”. FIGHT SCENES ARE HARD, OKAY. Also I want to have Wayne be like “ok something is fucky with this Upside Down business” without having Wayne be, y’know, in on it. (…Yet.)
Eddie’s eyes flickered to meet Wayne’s briefly, but otherwise he didn’t move.
“I’m sorry.” Said Wayne. “I’m gonna need you to use that cane, though.”
“Oh goodie,” said Eddie, words laced with sarcastic delight, “I love telling people that their favourite murderer has an achilles heel.”
Wayne sighed. “I don’t have answers for you, kid. I just know that hiding from yourself is going to make it hurt worse in the long run.”
[END SCENE]
Might reuse that achilles heel line at some point.
The sirens finally pulled into the parking lot. Eddie felt himself go numb with relief as officers jumped out of the car, surrounding them and shouting.
Eddie wanted to watch Andy get cuffed, but couldn’t really complain when Hopper approached him and Steve.
“You two alright?” He said. Steve looked to Eddie.
“I’m,” said Eddie, and cut himself off. The numbness was giving way to all his injuries, new and old, starting with the pain of his throat from having been strangled.
“I’ll get back to you on that one.” He quipped with a strained smile. His voice was croaky, as if he had a bad cold.
He was dizzy.
Hopper watched him, concerned, and looked to Steve. “Can I trust you to look out for him, or do you two need a ride to the hospital.”
Steve looked back at Eddie again, who began protesting that he surely didn’t need to be hospitalized again, but Hopper cut him off.
“Harrington, I asked you for a reason.” Said Hopper.
Steve looked back and forth between the two of them. When his only response was an irritated expression from Hopper and a confused one from Eddie, his face melted into an embarrassed smile.
“Um, I actually can’t, I can’t hear right now.” Said Steve loudly.
[END SCENE]
Deleted for two reasons: One, why would Eddie go numb with relief at seeing the cops, he called them pigs literally 2,000 words ago (actually it was 1,999, I checked).
Two, I decided that Hop should know about the whole hearing thing ahead of time, since they’re both First Responders.
Steve had something tucked under his arm, and once Eddie was settled in to the ambulance, Steve flipped it around; it was a small whiteboard, and on it, in Steve’s messy handwriting, was. written DO YOU WANT ME TO GO WITH YOU.
Underneath it, in smaller writing, was written sorry for yelling.
Eddie grinned and nodded.
[END SCENE]
When Eddie was younger, he never got the opportunity to pass notes in class.
He wasn’t jealous of the note passing per se, especially when the teacher would steal the notes in question and read out that Tommy H. totally kissed Tiffany behind the gym!, but he was a little jealous of the easy friendship that it represented. He would much rather be passed a silly note in class than have that paper be used to blow a spitball in his hair.
Now, writing little notes back and forth on a spare notepad that a nurse had given Steve, he felt a childish glee as he waited for Steve to finish his sentence.
[END SCENE]
Once the ambulance was moving, Eddie found himself being lulled to sleep by the movement.
The paramedic snapped her fingers in his face. “Oi. Awake.” She said, “We don’t know if you have a concussion yet.”
She turned to Steve before Eddie could complain that he hadn’t hit his head. “You wanna help me keep him awake?” She said.
Steve smiled politely. “You want me to keep him awake?” He said.
[END SCENE
Steve was surprisingly good at hiding his hearing loss.
In the ambulance, the paramedic asked him to help keep Eddie awake. Steve just looked between Eddie and the paramedic, and said, “you want me to keep him awake?”
Eddie figured that it was probably just a logical conclusion to make, given the context, but he was impressed nonetheless.
Steve then whipped out a pen and a notepad out of his pocket and began a game of hangman.
Eddie thought it was a little on the nose, given his bruised neck at the moment, but played along. He laughed through the pain when it turned out the answer to Steve’s little game was Dorothy.
He stole the notepad to write who’s that? and doodled a little face that looked confused.
Steve grinned. No idea! He responded.
That was when the ambulance pulled up to the hospital. Eddie had assumed that being brought via ambulance would get him a room right away, but no, they were unceremoniously dumped in the waiting room.
Eddie should’ve been miserable, he knew. His neck ached, his windpipe felt like it was half the size it ought to be, and his tongue was bleeding through the gauze in his mouth, but he was resting his head on Steve’s shoulder as he filled out the paperwork he had been handed. He couldn’t help but focus on the warm little buzz he felt in his chest instead.
He was halfway through the paperwork - something about consenting to treatment, and he was here, wasn’t he - when Steve slipped a piece of notepad paper on top of the clipboard he had been given.
sorry for the dorothy thing I thought you knew
Eddie snorted.
He hovered his pen over the piece of paper for ages, trying to formulate a response, when his name was called. He looked up to see Dr. Owens standing in the hallway, beckoning him over.
It figured. Eddie hadn’t seen Dr. Owens since he had been discharged, but he had been in charge of Eddie’s care since the day that he had been cleared of all charges, and Mike had explained that he was some sort of Upside Down specialist. Eddie mostly remembered him from the absurd amount of blood draws he had taken; he remembered glowering at Owens’ inceasingly apologetic face and asking if they were planning on draining him completely.
Owens had offered him a lot of cookies afterwards, but Eddie had still been on a liquid diet. It really didn’t help matters.
Eddie made his way over, and Owens took the clipboard from him.
“We don’t need to worry about that, we’ve got you all figured out.” He said, “Although it looks like you might want this back?” He handed Eddie the notepad paper. Eddie pocketed it.
A wheelchair appeared behind Eddie, being pushed by a stern looking nurse.
[END SCENE]
I forgot that Steve was under the impression that Eddie was mad at him and should probably behave differently. Also, I thought it was hilariously on the nose to have them play hangman.
“So,” said Steve slowly, “what was the plan, then? Just so we’re on the same page about… you know, cuz we both find each other attractive here.”
“There really wasn’t one.” Said Eddie. “I’m not exactly the kind of guy that makes plans.”
Steve frowned. “Thought you planned out those games?”
“That’s different. That’s fiction.”
“So’s this.”
[END SCENE]
“You’ve got your walls up like the third little piggie, and I don’t blame you.”
Eddie snorted, surprised.
[END SCENE]
“Is trying to scare me away your current escape route?”
“Kinda.”
“Look, man.” Steve said, features softening. “If you really, actually don’t want,” he gestured back and forth between the two of them, “this, then I get it. You…” his mouth formed a frown, and Eddie broke eye contact to stare at the mug again as he braced himself.
“I can get over you, if that’s what you really want me to. It might… it might take a minute.
[END SCENE]
“You know, I always wondered why the Devil was supposed to be the bad guy.” Said Steve. In response to Eddie’s baffled expression, he continued. “Isn’t he just supposed to keep the bad people away from the good ones? It’s a pretty commendable service, if you ask me.”
[END SCENE]
“So, yeah.” Eddie waved his free hand. “And last time I tried to have, like, romance? It turned out to be shit. And I felt like, alright, that’s what I get, it’s, it’s shit. Compromise, you know? It wasn’t a good thing, but it was something.”
“But I… I don’t know. I don’t want to lose you, but I guess somewhere during all of this, this shit, you became something that I could lose. And you’re not shit. And it’s not like… it’s not like everything I lost went easy, you know? Like, the trailer, it…” He made an explosion noise with his mouth, accompanied by a hand gesture imitating a mushroom cloud.
Eddie finally met Steve’s eyes for good as he gave him a sardonic smile. “So. Now’s a good time for you to back out of, finding me magnetic or some shit.”
Steve leaned back against the driver’s side window, studying him. He had one leg up on the seat, wrist dangling casually off of his knee, his other wrist lazily hung over the steering wheel. A somber expression decorated his features.
“So, what’s the plan? Never be happy again?” Said Steve, voice gravelly but not unkind. He tilted his head to the side, eyes piercing Eddie’s like spears.
Eddie shrugged. “You know, outside of DnD, I’m not much of a plans guy. Honestly, I’ve been pretty consistently surprised every time I woke up alive for the past decade. My only plans at any given moment are to make sure there’s an escape route in sight.” He looked down at his shirt. “You think I planned on spilling my guts wearing this? There’s a hole in the armpit.”
Steve snorted. “Am I allowed to say that I still want to kiss you now?”
Eddie glared at him playfully. “Really, you horndog, I tell you all about my terrible childhood and all you can think about is getting in my pants?”
“Hey, you’re the one escalating here, for all you know I was just talking about a quick peck on the cheek.”
“Were you?”
Steve responded with a mischievous grin and raised eyebrows.
“You can continue talking about your terrible childhood if that makes you feel better.”
“No, actually, I think I’m more than done talking about it.” Eddie looked around the car. “I can tell you a little bit about my terrible adulthood, though, because the last time I was in this car I genuinely thought you were the Devil.”
“Well, the last time you were in my car, you said some pretty Devil-ish things.”
Eddie’s jacket was suddenly much too warm.
“Sorry.” Said Steve, looking bashful, “That was… that was probably a rough day for you. I shouldn’t have brought it up like that.”
“Maybe you really are the Devil.” Said Eddie, resisting the urge to fan himself like a prim victorian lady about to faint. “You’ve sure been to Hell enough.”
[END SCENE]
Guess who struggles with emotional scenes! I did like that last one, I just got a flash of inspiration that contradicted it.  
The fire station was located just southeast of Hawkins. There was a lake nearby, but it was the kind of place littered with rich people and country clubs.
Figured that the rich people would plop a fire station right next to a lake. Where on earth might they find water if one of their fancy candles fell on top of their silk tablecloths?
The trailer park, on the other hand, surrounded by the woods and subject to annual heatwaves, would likely burn to a crisp by the time the
[END SCENE]
Yes I did just stop midsentence. Anyway, I relocated the station to be north of Hawkins, and there’s no lake there, according to Hop’s map from season two. I’ve actually done a lot of research on Hop’s map, because I have a sequel in mind that requires specifics on where exactly everyone is, and it’s convenient for me to place the fire station closer to Loch Nora for… reasons… (actually I found a higher definition version of the map after I published the last chapter pre-epilogue, the fire station is right in the centre of town. Oops. Too late to change it within the fic.)
I also did research on the lake that I initially placed the fire station on. It’s called Tippecanoe Lake and there are indeed country clubs there. I don’t know if they’ve been there since the 80’s, but I already cut the scene so I officially absolve myself of research.
“Steve keeps looking for you.” She said, after handing a baffled Wayne his tickets. “He’s pretending he isn’t, but he keeps on staring weird at people who have canes, so either he got really rude to disabled people all of a sudden or he’s looking for you.”
Eddie nodded, fidgeting with his own cane and smiling.
“Are you doing your side job again?” She said.
Eddie jumped. “What? No. Who said -“
“Jonathan and Argyle were gossipping about it, they want to buy from you but they don’t know if you’re selling. Why, what’s your side job?” She gave him a funny look. “I’m just trying to figure out if you can buy another twenty.”
Eddie narrowed his eyes at her. “Where is Steve, exactly?”
She nodded towards the mayor, who was finally handing the microphone off to the Fire Chief. “Near the stage.” She said, referring to the small wooden platform at the front of the room.
[END SCENE]
“He’s like, the MVP of this freaking ball. They’re probably going to pull him onstage soon. And he started Project Child Endangerment 3.0.” She raised the basket pointedly.
The look Eddie and Wayne shared this time was alarmed.
“Are you in-“
“No, he’s just been forgetting that he owes me a lifetime supply of ice cream on top of what he owes me for being a saleswoman, and that’s my way of reminding him.” She gave him a falsely sweet smile. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have tickets to sell.”
She disappeared into the crowd, leaving Eddie and Wayne in stunned silence.
“Do you know what she’s talking about?” Asked Wayne. “Or is this like the fungus story again?”
Eddie shook his head numbly. “Three?”
[END SCENE]
In the first one, I felt like Erica probably wouldn’t capture that behaviour from Steve — it’s a little too subtle unless you were already looking for it, you know? Although I did find it cute that she didn’t understand what Eddie’s “side job” was, because as badass as she is, she’s twelve.
Also, would Steve be MVP or would he instead be mercilessly picked on for being a rookie? Apologies to my dearest Deanna who watched as I struggled with “would Erica use the term MVP or not” only to cut that line entirely. (The verdict was yes, by the way, she’s been to enough of Lucas’ basketball games that she probably would’ve picked it up if she hadn’t heard it elsewhere already.)
Eddie swallowed heavily before turning around to look Steve in the eye, and fuck.
“You clean up nice.” Said Eddie. Understatement of the century, he thought. He never thought he had a thing for men in uniform, but with Steve standing right in front of him in a fitted dark suit, Eddie had a hard time breathing all of a sudden.
Steve’s eyes drifted up and down Eddie’s body, and Eddie regretted the bell sleeves he had chosen to wear.
“I like that colour on you.” He said, to Eddie’s surprise.
[END SCENE]
Nah ,Steve should just disappear and be smug about how he just made Eddie just melt into a puddle.
Will met Eddie Munson for the first time when Eddie was hospitalized.
Mike and Will, and Robin and Steve, had both gone to visit Max independently of the other, each with books in hand, and arrived at the exact same time. Lucas, who was curled up in the lounge chair - lounge chair? - next to Max’s bed, looked up through heavy exhausted eyelids and bluntly stated that Steve and Robin could stay. When Mike began to protest, he pointed at another lounge chair, containing El, who was holding Max’s hand and concentrating.
“You’ll distract her.” Said Lucas.
Will thought that was a little unfair, because he had only met Robin a handful of times but already knew that when she started talking, it was like a woodpecker hammering on a tree, but Mike was already offering to introduce Will to the coolest guy ever just a few floors away, and, well, alright.
When they did meet this coolest guy ever, Will tried very very hard to keep his expression neutral, because quite frankly, his appearance was a little terrifying. He was skin and bones, tangled hair hanging limply off his head, and his skin was paler than the white bandages decorating his neck and arms. The only colour on him was the angry red gashes crosshatched on his cheek, and the stitches that held them together.
Eddie held his eyes wide, and he had a slightly manic grin on the undamaged half of his face as Mike and Will walked in.
“Baby Wheeler!” He cheered. “And… friend!”
An older man lounging in a chair identical to the ones in Max’s room huffed fondly. “They just doped him with something real strong.” He said, amused, not bothering to look up from his worn paperback. “Hope you didn’t come for chit-chat, his head is full o’ rocks right now.”
Eddie didn’t respond, just kept his odd grin as he eyed Will curiously.
“Hi Eddie!” Chirped Mike, almost breathlessly, in a tone of voice that was usually reserved for El. Odd. “This is Will, I’ve men-“
“Will the Wise!” Eddie raised his hands in the air,
[END SCENE]
My first few attempts at the epilogue wound up being set WAY too early, which made a wordcount impossible to manage because I kept wanting to explain everything. Also, I realized afterwards that Will probably isn’t the biggest fan of hospitals after the first two seasons. Poor fuck. However, I did want to work in that El was helping Max recover even before she woke up at first, but the poor thing would be way too busy.
Neither of the pair had partaken since they had arrived in Hawkins. Argyle said he had stashed his stash in a tree somewhere; the only thing scarier than a cop, he had said, was a cop who had just been resur-fucking-rected.
Also, he and Jonathan were staying at the Wheeler’s, and Nancy had guns.
[END SCENE]
Again, I set the epilogue way too early at first. They’ll partake eventually, this was the first few days after their arrival.
“Mm?” He gave her what the party had nicknamed his Parents Love Me smile, or PLM, pronounced plum. It was kind of obnoxious. The most obnoxious part was that it every parent fell for it.
[END SCENE]
Steve had a new version of the PLM; it was a slightly different smile where he acted strange and extra nice around Eddie, which the party was all very confused by until Argyle offered up the idea that maybe Steve didn’t know how to act around disabled people. DPLM didn’t have the same ring to it, though, so they didn’t bother to change its name. As long as they used it sparingly, it was easy to persuade him into something if they used Eddie against him.
They had yet to see the new PLM in action around Max, though. Steve visited her with his girlfriend Robin instead of with the group, but Max reported that he had a habit of cordially agreeing with whatever she said, especially if Robin wasn’t in the room, so they took that as evidence that the PLM was in full force around her, too. Max made it into a game for herself, to try and see what absurd thing she could get him to would agree to; the more tired he was, the more likely he was to politely laugh and nod when she said that demogorgons would make good pets.
[END SCENE]
The PLM was out and stronger than ever. Will, Dustin, Mike, and El exchanged excited glances.
[END SCENE]
“PLM.” Whispered Dustin pointedly, once Steve was focussed on opening more empty drawers. Eddie gave them an inquisitive look.
[END SCENE]
PLM was going to be a little recurring thing throughout the epilogue that got cut for wordcount. It was gonna eventually lead to a scene where Eddie thought the kids just really liked plums for some reason.
“My mom mom’d him.” Said Dustin, not bothering to look up from the character sheet he was filling out. He and Will had decided to make each other the most ridiculous characters they could think of, and whoever got a lower score in Pac-Man would have to play the character, voice included, in the homebrew campaign Mike was working on.
[END SCENE]
Dustin even took it upon himself to recap fake D&D sessions over the walkie talkie, in the hopes that Eddie would come back over the channel with a what the fuck, a cutlass isn’t a long-range weapon, Henderson, wherein they would have the opportunity to trap him into a conversation. But it was quite literally radio silence from Eddie. Instead, they occasionally got an irritated Steve or Robin - or, during one memorable and terrifying instance, Hopper - telling them to shut up already.
[END SCENE]
“I already promised Max I’d visit today, though.” Said Lucas.
Dustin sighed. “Yeah, okay, he’ll probably let you get away with that. He might even give you a ride to her place cuz he feels bad.”
It actually turned out that Steve wasn’t particularly happy about losing one of his promised crew unexpectedly - with all I do for you, c’mon guys - but begrudgingly gave Lucas a ride anyway. Lucas had to squish into the middle seat with Mike for the trouble.
[END SCENE]
“Did you know Steve was deaf?” Said Will, a week later, over dinner.
“He told you?” Asked Hop, as Jonathan and Argyle both exclaimed their surprise. Will’s mom made a surprised sound around her mouthful of burger.
“You knew!?”
“We’re both first responders, he told his team and mine. Paramedics know, too.” Said Hop, mouth full of food. “Seems real shy about it, I’m surprised he told you.”
“He did not.” Said El. “He was at the craft store and Robin and him were speaking with their hands.”
“You can do that without being deaf.” Said Argyle. “My cousins learned to do that so they could talk shit about our abuela. She’s kinda mean.”
“Yeah, but Robin had to yell at him to get his attention.” Said Will, as his mom gently scolded Argyle for his language.
“Then… yeah, he’s probably kind of deaf.” Said Jonathan.
“Of course he is, I just said so.” Said Hop, affronted. “He says it’s worse depending on the day, but he can usually hear pretty fine.”
Huh. Will wondered if this was why he relied on the PLM so much. Smiling and nodding could get you pretty far. Will knew this from experience.
[END SCENE]
Will was just glad that Eddie switched from teaching her ABBA after only a month - he hated the band. Instead, Jonathan and Argyle did the Thriller dance as she practiced her new music, which never failed to make her giggle.
[END SCENE]
This was the “holy crap I wrote so much and I have to cut stuff for the sake of my word count” section. I liked a lot of these concepts, though.
El was laying on the couch with her head in Max’s lap as she read a Wonder Woman comic aloud to her.
[END SCENE]
I wound up changing Max from “enthusiastic friend” to “well, she’s there” throughout the epilogue, but this line was really cute.
“I didn’t like, love camping.” Said Dustin. “Right, Will?” He gave Will a pointed look.
Later, Will would realize he was trying to subtly bring up their pact.
In the moment, though, Will shrugged. “I kinda liked it. And Max is right, Mike really liked it.”
[END SCENE]
This goes against them agreeing for Max and Will’s sake.
Eddie snorted. “You’re lucky my uncle is outta town visiting his pa. You lot would’ve been knocked into next week if you’d woken him first.”
“But he’s not, so, you’ll be a hospitable host and let us stay the night and meet your girlfriend?” Said Dustin brightly.
“I don’t think it counts as hosting when you just admitted to breaking in using a busted doorknob.”
[END SCENE]
He’s way too happy to be burgled.
“Come on!” “We don’t bite!” “It’s just us!” Cried all of their voices in protest.
Eddie just held up a single finger and said shhhh.
The continued complaning.
Eddie continued his unbroken shh. He had an impressive lung capacity.
They finally all quieted.
Eddie gave them all a smirk that really just told them that his patience was wearing thin.
“You little trespassers are lucky I’m not knocking you into next week.” He stated. “You’re real lucky that my uncle is visiting his pa, or I’d be calling the coroner right now. You are going to sleep in the spare room, you’re going to clean up your muck before I drive you home in the morning, and if I’m feeling generous, I might not tell all your parents about your life of crime.”
[END SCENE]
You ever write past midnight and realize that forget that you established that Max knows Eddie is queer? Also I keep trying to excuse Wayne’s absence.
“What do I know?” Said Steve.
“Not a lot.” Said Eddie.
[END SCENE]
He prooobably wouldn’t insult him like that, but that was just such an easy setup. I would totally roast my friends that way, and expect to be roasted that way in return.
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