"You still deserve to eat. You still deserve to laugh."
me before watching trigun: "oh people really like the priest guy, i guess."
me after watching trigun 5 times and showing my brothers a wip of this to which one said "oh. the priest guy your favourite character, huh": ATTACKED ATTACKED ATTACKED
(the characters are really strong and well written, okay. i just really like how they all interact with each other o k a y.)
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I am going to take a break from milgramblr
[important please read]
ok now how do I start. Im going to take a break from tumblr for about a week. Things have been absolutely awful for me here since the very beginning of 2024, even if it may not look that way at times.
to retell the situation it happened with the new years gartic phone game, where someone made a prompt about a ship that made me heavily uncomfortable. To put it loosely it reminded me of an extremely bad experience with a fandom a few years ago when I called out a ship for being creepy and having a huge age gap but I was constantly dogpiled and harassed. It was probably the worst experience I’ve had on the internet and to this day I get really scared of people hating on me and I apologise for everything likely stemming back from the situation.
I tried to persist with the game but I got really upset and left. I expressed on my blog how uncomfortable I felt about the whole situation. Then this one person, who’s a prominent figure in the Milgramblr community, I won’t name them but I think you’ll know who, replied on my post saying that “it’s ok because…” in such an awful tone. It’s hard to explain but basically it felt really bad as they completely dismissed my feelings about the situation just to justify their creepy ship. And even worse, they way they responded was EXACTLY the same way that everyone else responded back in to at old fandom. At the point to I’d much prefer hate and harassment over that false positive attitude.
I freaked out and immediately blocked them and basically went into a panic attack. I was freaking out on my blog and just to make things worse I saw a post praising them and things got so bad. It was the start of the new year and I was on holiday and was supposed to do a bunch of things but because of that situation I was bedridden and couldn’t stop crying. I had so many nightmares about everyone here turning on me and the original incident and I still have them.
the way the person reacted to my situation was absolutely awful. After my breakdown they immediately went to their blog and started posting about how the ships good and you should praise it completely disregarding everything that happened. I’ve always been uncomfortable with them but this pushed me over the edge. And later on I got in contact with someone who was (presumably) trying to help me and we decided to see if that person could make an apology. But they took way to long to even think they gave any attention to the situation and the apology itself didn’t feel that genuine.
This person was still posting about it and didn’t change their pfp and title despite how bad it was to me and they did not do anything at all. Again I’m not naming anyone but I highly recommend you do not support them anymore. I said I’m going to be leaving for a while but if you want clarification on who it is you can just ask, I’ll check my stuff tomorrow morning before I completely shut off for the week.
I don’t know who it was but there was even a throwaway account hating on me and saying awful things. I didn’t care that much as things had already gotten so bad for me that I didn’t care about the opinion of an anon. But like I said, the sickly positive response that person gave was way worse than actual hate.
and that’s only one part of the story. Another thing happened much more recently with the person I mentioned who was trying to help me. They were the first person I followed on Milgramblr and the person who inspired me to join and make all these theories, so with this and them helping me I really looked up to them. It was a few days ago I think but they posted something on their account about that person and wanting attention to them. I expressed my uncomfortable feelings about the situation and they didn’t do anything about it. Instead they decided to KEEP POSTING about it, like constantly and me getting more upset at the situation and how they responded made it clear that they didn’t care at all. I blocked them and we were mutuals for a while.
It’s been a month and I’m still suffering very badly. I’m not constantly crying as I was when it first happened but it still pains me. I’ve been feeling incredibly distressed on this sight knowing that the original person hasn’t done anything about it and they’re still very close. No matter how much I block them or blog tags I still see them in reblogs or bought up. I had to exclude anything relating to the earbuds collab from my milgram archives as it gives me back really bad memories to the pfps involved. I just can’t feel safe in this place anymore and especially that no matter how I feel, nothing has changed since when it happened and no one’s even actually trying to help me or change things.
I’ve just been feeling so bad that I’ve been going days without eating. Just because I can’t be bothered to get out of bed. The only solace for me is sleep but even that’s not good enough as I might have nightmares and I often feel much more tired afterwards. Things are changing for me as I actually have to get up and do something now and it’s surprisingly going kinda well, but that has nothing to do with this situation.
just to note I will be continuing my milgram archives series, I’ve scheduled quite a few posts for this week so they’ll keep going. For me I’ll completely cut off all activity for this week, and may return on Wednesday.
it’s just. I hate how nothings changed. I want something to happen but no one’s helping
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pit babe daemons
I'm physically incapable of being in a fandom without making a daemon au. I'm not exactly actively writing this, but I couldn't stop thinking about it so here we are. (also it's always a fun test of my willpower to not give everyone a bird. 2/13 I am a master of restraint.)
(warning for spiders and snakes just in case!)
Babe:
beautiful pit viper (trimeresurus venustus) (I couldn't resist). like most snakes, scary on the outside and a sweetheart underneath. not the most aggressive but strikes fast with a venomous bite. also imagine Babe in his tank top with a snake draped over his neck. exactly.
charlie:
Appenzeller Sennenhund. cheerful, energetic, smart. fearless when it comes to protecting their family. very loyal! of course puppy Charlie has a dog daemon.
Way:
eastern barn owl (Tyto javanica stertens). fiercely territorial, secretive. incredible hunter. intelligent! also in folklore owls are either good (symbol of wisdom) or bad (omen of death and doom to come) which speaks to the dichotomy of Way.
Pete:
spotted-winged fruit bat (Balionycteris maculata). tends to be solitary. not a predator. they don’t echolocate but find food using keen sense of smell and eyesight, and they have an unusual dental formation compared to other fruit bats. (<- I can't explain why that is Pete to me but trust me.) smallest of the megabats but still a megabat which I think reflects the corporate side of things nicely.
Kenta:
cocker spaniel. loyal loyal loyal. easily trained. meant for hunting. good with kids lol. also in HDM servants tended to have dog daemons. LOYAL.
Kim:
siberian weasel (Mustela sibirica). intrepid and intelligent. sociable when it suits. will fight you and likely bite you. look at that little lady and tell me that's not Kim.
North:
dhole (Cuon alpinus). highly sociable and adaptive. noisy (likes to chat) but also uses complex body language. dholes don't engage in dominance displays and aren't super territorial, which I think reflects North's easy-going nature.
Sonic:
blue crested lizard (Calotes mystaceus). colourful! not very dangerous but still has teeth and claws. quick and crafty. I originally thought butterfly for Sonic but he needed something more substantial. also she definitely hitches a ride on North's daemon all the time.
Dean:
tiger shrike (Lanius tigrinus). solitary, shy and predatory. shrikes kill by impaling their prey on the nearest pointy object, which I think mirrors the way Dean went for the hammer well. also not a particularly flashy bird. (but still beautiful in the way all birds are beautiful!!)
Winner:
electric blue tarantula (Chilobrachys natanicharum). opportunistic, defensive, kind of a show-off. will ‘hiss’ when provoked. but not the most dangerous spider around. also I think Winner deserves a little blue in his life.
Alan:
banded linsang (Prionodon linsang) male daemon - low sexual dimorphism in this species so not everyone notices but it’s just something else that pings a little odd about alan. generally solitary and not well-known. a predator still.
Jeff:
veined labyrinth butterfy (Neope pulaha). clever, excellent vision, weak fliers. Jeff is a mystery to most, hence labyrinth. I think Jeff is served well by a daemon that can be easily hidden and/or overlooked.
+ bonus Tony:
giant hawker dragonfly (Tetracanthagyna plagiata). dragonflies are the world’s most efficient predator. but at the end of the day it’s just an insect. as with Jeff, it suits Tony to have a hidden daemon.
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8 Shows to Get to Know Me
I was tagged by the delightful @the-marron <3 thank you <3
Now everyone, act like these answers are remotely surprising okay? ;)
Doctor Who
2. Merlin
3. In the Flesh
4. Being Human
5. Guardian
6. The Uncanny Counter
7. The Untamed
8. The Devil Judge
Oh god now I want to rewatch them all.
Tagging @dobranocka @miss-ingno @programmedradly if any of you fancy answering? the intense nervousness i get about tagging people is so fun hope it's okay?
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