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tossawary · 11 months

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Part of the problem with discussing how racism manifests in fandom and in fan organizations is that to present a nuanced and thorough take on a complicated problem, which actually consists of a number of different complex issues with lots of different potential solutions each, you have write really, REALLY long posts about it.

And people don't read long posts.

Or they read the first part and get stuck on one point they don't agree with or can't 100% agree with. So they get caught up in proving one point wrong instead of at least expressing sympathy or sharing the parts they do actually agree with.

(Or people make fun of you for caring about "people being mean in fanfiction communities" as an issue. Because caring is cringe, apparently. Racism in hobbies like book clubs and local knitting groups and kid sports leagues is also important, even if it's "not that big of a deal" in the grand scheme of things in your opinion.)

Which can have (unintentional or intentional) vibes of telling fans of color to shut up about racism. Which is rude and understandably upsetting to people who have experienced this kind of harassment. Saying "go make your own archive" implies that the affected fans of color have not been a part of building the OTW or in running AO3 and don't belong there as writers or readers, which is untrue and unkind.

Now, I know that people have a kneejerk defensive reaction to any form of "We Need To Ban The Bad Fic That I Don't Like". I have that too. And I won't deny that this is a conversation partly about content moderation. And I won't deny that within this broad conversation between lots of different people who want to do something about fandom racism, there are probably some people who are calling to ban everything they find even a little problematic. They're always popping up. I don't agree with those people.

I didn't reblog End OTW Racism's Call to Action post the first time that I saw it because my brain wanted to chew on the thoughts it inspired. I thought a lot about how exactly to write detailed policy that could explicitly ban the worst examples of fanfiction used as intentional hate speech provably for the purpose of targeted harassment, while still ensuring the protection of the queer content, the problematic darkfic, and the explicit kinky fiction that the archive was created to host (which EOTWR also cares about). I do want fans to be able to explore some disturbing and distasteful topics, even if they don't always write it well, without being censored. And yet I also thought a lot about the "Paradox of Tolerance" as a social contract and what it meant to be "Fair to Unfair Voices".

I also thought a lot about how AO3 volunteers can never review every single thing posted to the website (which was not being suggested). And about how this issue intersects heavily with the structural issues that leave some AO3 volunteers overworked and underappreciated. And the structural issues that leave some AO3 volunteers feeling isolated, neglected, ignored, or mistreated. And also how AO3 is shockingly enormous now for being the result of volunteer work on a budget that's small compared to other non-profit organizations.

And honestly, I was fucking exhausted from my job that day and I cynically thought to myself, "I'll read through the links later, but I don't really see how changing the names on a bunch of fics is going to inspire great change within an organization."

(And the people behind this online protest are pretty open about the fact that they didn't expect their awareness campaign - and that's what it is: it's just an awareness campaign - to do anything on the front of "Solving Institutional Racism Immediately".)

But then I thought to myself, "Okay, but I do believe in antiracist action. And even if I don't think some of these suggestions are workable with the current state of things, or that the OTW will ever agree to some things here, there has got to be something here that could be done right now to make things a little better."

I kind of like the idea of expanding the required archive warnings so that more well-meaning people will opt-in to tagging triggering material, which is a form of content moderation. Like the way that the "Graphic Depictions of Violence" tag works already. Major Archive Warnings are left up to the author's best judgement unless reported. And even if people repeatedly refuse to use any relevant warning tags when writing blatantly racist stories, when they get reported for not even using "Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings", then we'll be pretty sure that they're doing it to be a jerk, and AO3 volunteers can suspend or ban them for it.

I like the idea of expanding the abuse policy and clearly defining its terms so that Policy and Abuse volunteers can still retain some freedom of best judgement, but also be more consistent about recognizing when someone is being a racist jerk in the comment section or being racist by gifting violently racist fic to fans of color or otherwise behaving badly. And I like the idea of improving the reporting system while keeping potential misuse in mind. And giving PAC volunteers better admin tools and other resources.

Even if you believe that AO3 is largely run by well-meaning queer women, I personally don't 100% trust that every single volunteer will be great at recognizing the many varied forms of racism, or antisemitism, or transphobia, or prejudice against bisexual or asexual or polyamorous people, or against mentally ill or physically disabled people. And part of this discussion is about when individual members of the PAC team have failed to address malicious behavior that is already explicitly covered by AO3's existing anti-bullying policy. Or that can't be solved by just blocking and muting someone.

Like, this discussion is about racism, and it's worth caring about solely for how it affects fans of color, but optimizing the abuse policy and protocols against harassment would better protect everyone. (And also, please do not assume that fans of color are not also older fans and/or queer fans who care about censorship.)

Some of End OTW Racism's offered solutions are suggestions originally made by AO3 itself back in 2020. A huge part of this discussion is just some fans (they're only, like, 5 people) trying to make some noise so that the OTW will give all users a thorough update on their progress. They are trying to raise awareness to keep the conversation about fandom bigotry going and recruit people to show up to OTW Board meetings to ask what obstacles need to be tackled. They want volunteers trying to change things internally to feel supported and for some more transparency on this subject to externally hold people accountable to their promises.

And I also thought, "Fuck it. This post is worth reblogging if only to remind people that AO3 needs work, to educate new fans on the history and present of fandom racism in general, and to maybe make one person out there feel less alone and connect them with some new friends. Fans of color don't have to be perfect to be heard."

I believe that AO3 has gotten bigger than ever anticipated and management of the OTW has only gotten harder. And I think hiring a diversity consultant, as per AO3's own suggestion back in 2020, sounds like a good idea to curb harassment of all kinds and improve the working conditions of volunteers. Outside contractors have been hired before and these professionals have no effect on OTW's non-profit status. A temporary consultant's job would be to identify where the organization is getting stuck and give suggestions on how to fight bigotry, and the OTW Board can just pick the solutions they think will work in practice with their mission statements.

Honestly, I kind of think it might be a good idea to also hire a security consultant of some kind after some of the harassment of AO3 volunteers in recent years. And if hiring some programming contractors would help the coding volunteers build better admin tools and make tag blacklisting happen sooner, then I support that as well. But that's all up to the OTW Board. And I want the OTW volunteers to know that I support their original suggestion to hire some outside professional help, so that fandom can begin to address some of these ongoing problems beyond just acknowledging that they exist, even if it simply starts with AO3 explicitly calling for more volunteers to get the planned work done.

Saying that there's nothing to be done is defeatist. Saying that the affected fans of color and their allies sound too angry or too serious or too ungrateful, or that everyone involved just doesn't understand how hard these things are, is pretty rude. I don't expect perfect solutions on the first try. I don't expect them immediately. I expect some of these things to take the OTW... years, honestly. I don't always feel very optimistic. I find this entire discussion discomforting and depressing. I'm not ungrateful to the OTW and AO3 when the community has been an undeniably good experience for me personally over the past 10 years. I want people to be able to escape into fandom at the end of a shitty day.

End OTW Racism's awareness campaign is one small part of a much broader discussion and you don't have to agree 100% with everything that they say. Or with what other people talking about fandom racism say (and some people, including academics and journalists and media critics and video essayists, have been talking about fandom racism for a long time). And you definitely don't have to 100% agree with what I've said here.

You don't have immediately volunteer all of your time to the OTW to fix these problems to be a good person. We all have other shit going on in our lives. Just... keep some of the points being made in mind moving forward, yeah? If you have a moment, maybe listen to some of the frustrations with an open mind, and maybe show a little extra love to your fellow fans who are going through it.

And if you have the energy to tear down what you think just one of EOTWR's suggestions is as bad - and they are NOT calling for every single fic on AO3 to be reviewed for problematic tropes or racial slurs before posting, that would be ridiculous, and it's disingenuous to misinterpret them that way - are you also separately talking about and supporting any of the antiracist actions and other harm reduction policies that you think are genuinely viable?

#end otw racism #tossawary ao3 #long post

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dontcareraccoon · 2 years

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Fucking look at this. A League of Their Own is a queer show focusing on women in baseball and the queer scene in the 1940s and the men are whining that it's not 'for them', thus trying to get it cancelled for all of us. For fucks sake.

ALSO: most of the negative reviews from these whiny men are about how the show isn't historically accurate, completely negating the fact that the makers have been doing research for this show since 2017. As if these men have EVER read a history book on this topic. As if they have EVER even wondered about what the queer scene looked back then. As if they have EVER even cared about this community in the slightest.

Go rate this show on IMDB and anywhere else, please.

#a league of their own #aloto

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alexissara · 5 months

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Alexis Sara's Top 10 Most Anticipated Games Of 2024

We're about to enter 2024 and with that we have all the lists, lists I am not immune to making because I slowly build them up all year. Last year I played a fuck load of games and so this year I wanted to talk about 10 games I think look really fucking cool that are coming out in the next year or two. Some of these games are likely to release in 2025 instead but it'll be fun to see if they remain on the list next year then. I mostly just wanted to spotlight some art that looks cool to me outside of the context of a Sapphic Games Guide or a Review and maybe get others on the hype train with me. This list is not in order and just 10 games I think look like they could have an impact on me, I may not even buy every game on this list but there the 10 that look like I am most likely to check out.

Gales Of Nayeli

So this is one of two games on the list I've already purchased. I backed the kickstarter of the game a while back and I thought "it looks alright and when I asked if there was gonna be any sapphic content the creator told me in depth what content he had already made so sure I'll back it. What was more if a thank you for being so kind and responsive so fast has turned into my most hype game of the year. Blindcoco and me have become friends over time so I am biased but I was actually sold on the game before me and him became buddy buddy when I played the demo and saw the amazing work that went into it. Then the extremally positive response from him and the community towards my desire to focus in on women and sapphic women only added to my excitement for the game.

The game genuinely seems to be raising the bar for SRPGs and really feels like it is a step above Fire Emblem and not an emulation of Fire Emblem. I loved the demo and the concepts in the game so much it inspired me to start working on my own SRPG studios game knowing what is possible at the high end of investment in the system can really be something special and really cool. I love that there is a focus on trying to cast voice actors who match ethnicity to the diverse cast, I love that there is a wide range of diversity in the revealed cast, I love the amount of queer women I am aware of in the game, I love the animations and sprite work, I love the gameplay, I am really really excited about this game and I think this game has a high shot at being one of my favorite games.

Fields Of Mistria

I make fun of farming sims a little on my lists and stuff but only because I actually love farming sims especially in concept. This game probably has my favorite art style of the whole lot of games today. It's lovely 90s anime style sprite work is just AHHHHHHHHHH so good. I do in fact want to kiss the women in this game very badly and I would enjoy playing the game for the sake of dating them alone.

Rune Factory: Dragon

Let's bang out the second farming sim while we're at it. We don't know a bunch about this game but it really just has to do two things for me to be into it. One, let you be gay like the newest RF and Story of Season games already let you do and Two, keep up the art direction and bam, I'm in. My biggest problem with the last Rune Factory game was that the art style made every woman look like a 12 year old and not in the like chibi story of seasons way like they just looked like they were kids. This however, has a much better set of art direction and it makes me think there might actually be women I'd want to gay marry.

Mahou Senshi Cosplay Club

I really love Behold's previous game Chroma Squad but when I got this demo I had no idea they were the Chroma Squad people. The mix of dress up and RPG gameplay is a dream come true kind of game and the outfit customization is leagues beyond a game like Fashion Dreamer despite likely being made on a much smaller budget. The PSX style graphics actually work here with them evoking nostalgic graphics while also not actually being restrained by a Playstation One's issues. I just really loved the process of making the outfit and character in this game and honestly that alone is a potential game seller. The gameplay element was solid and I really want to play more of this.

Beastieball

BeastieBall seems to be a really fun take on the Monster Taming genre. Having the monster friends play a sport and naturally be inclined to play the sport makes for a very cute and wholesome premise to which you become more a coach than an owner to these little cuties. It's a pretty simple concept in the demo but it's promising and cute and I do like that the monsters you collect build relationships with each other, I think that is something really special and neat and something I'd like to see more monster tamers do.

Love In A Bottle

There is a lot of nice looking visual novels coming out but Love In A Bottle is dating sim that is really capturing my eye. You play as a demon girl, bam okay I am sold. You date other monster girls okay I'm sold. And it's got more then the basic one outfit you expect from a standard visual novel dating sim type deal for characters that is yet another sold factor. It seems really cute, seems fun and I hope I can smooch all the women at once.

Fantasy Life I

While I said we were done with farming sims, I didn't say we were done with sims as we have Level-5's Life Sim, Fantasy Life. I won't be buying the game if I can't be gay in it but I really loved the first Fantasy Life on the 3DS and I think if it can keep up the charm and fun of the original game and add a homosexual seasoning on top it'll be a perfect cute and fun time. I love the wide array of jobs and how these all build into each other, it's a very one of a kind experience and really fun.

Princess Peach Showtime

This is the true triple A game of the list and the only one that has captivated me in all the shows of all the consoles and developers I've seen of late. Peach is barbie now and I am here for it, let her have a million jobs and have a game based around her doing these different roles and being an icon in each of them, sounds good, I'm in, it's a really cute and fun concept. It looks really fun and the art style looks great.

Our Life Now and Forever

There is no other games like the Our Life games and getting to be sapphic in this one means I finally get to go ahead and experience the series I have been curious about for a while now. This game will let you be polyamarous which is the only game on this list I can say for sure will allow you to do that and that alone is something that would keep me engaged. However, getting to grow up with characters, change your pronouns, your name, anything about yourself as you do and having the characters change with you is amazing. I love the concept of this game and the wild reactivity the games demo has always provided just to a simple thing like me choosing to be trans in the childhood phase is amazing, it is truly such a considered and thoughtful game with such masterful crafting that the act one demo alone is probably worth money. So I did back this one on kickstarter as well so this is my other pick up.

Unlike other games on this list I am fairly confident this is a 2025 game and not a 2024 game but I want to talk about it now because people on the Patreon will be getting to play updated versions of the game over the course of the year akin to early access. I think the game is for sure worth a look.

Izrand Allure

After playing the previous game in the series I am totally sold on wanting to experience Izrand Allure. Luxaren Allure was a really special experience I had this year finally checking out the game after I think years of putting it off and beating it I really want to play this follow up. This game seems far more in depth and far more artistically masterful then Luxaren as well so I really want to see everything this game has to offer. I love a good job system and this game boasts one. I really want to see this lesbian RPG and I hope I get a chance to play it very soon but obviously Unity the dev should take her time to make it. Regardless, I am just gushing every time I see the game and I think this has potential to be a massive game of the year type hit for me.

If you enjoyed this post, I got a lot more end of the year lists coming up when it's actually next year so I can tell people what I enjoyed in December. You can also support me in making cool queer art by checking out my Patreon and Ko-fi.

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thequeereview · 2 years

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TV Review: A League of Their Own ★★★★

There might be no crying in baseball, but I’m sure that I wasn’t alone in shedding a few happy tears while watching Will Graham and Abbi Jacobson’s lovingly-crafted new series A League of Their Own on Prime Video. The adaptation of Penny Marshall’s 1992 movie is a home run, capturing much of the feel-good spirit and charm of the original while delving deeper into the women’s lives to create a…

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cora-writes-things · 1 year

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WLW media plans <3 early 2023 edition

You may have seen my first edition of this post; now that 2023 has begun in earnest, let’s see where I’m at!

Media I’m currently in the middle of consuming:

The 100 (I know that I said that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to watch this show cuz I’m tired of tragic wlw, but a friend suggested we watch it together, so here I am)

Clear and Muddy Loss of Love (an AMAZING web-novel!!! I can’t stop reading it! Clear and Muddy Loss of Love, original title 泾渭情殇 (Jīng wèi qíng shāng or JWQS), is a Chinese GL web-novel by Please Don’t Laugh (请君莫笑). Read and buy the original here (here’s a guide on how to use JJWXC so you can support the author), and the English translation by melts (@meltesh28 on Tumblr / @meltsmelts on Twitter) can be found here (thank you so much for your hard work, melts!))

Nevertheless (solely for the crumbs of Sol/Ji-wan content, and you know what? It’s been worth it, even if the main male lead, Park Jae-eon, makes me want to throw my laptop across the room. Seriously, JAE-EON SUCKS SO BAD. NA-BI, WHAT ARE YOU DOIIIING. DO-HYEOK IS RIGHT. THERE!!!)

Warrior Nun (I started watching this show both because it has wlw AND because Alba Baptista is so gorgeous that I can’t stop looking at her. So disappointing that it was canceled recently :()

Media I plan to start (or continue) consuming:

A League of Their Own (for the canon wlw AND all the wlw vibes)

Arcane: League of Legends (I’ve seen enough gifs and fanart for Caitlyn/Vi that I ship it and haven’t even watched the show yet)

Batwoman (for the canon wlw AND all the wlw vibes)

Black Lightning (ditto)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS was available on Amazon Prime for a while but is now on Hulu, so I don’t have access to it at the moment)

The Expanse (I’m taking a break from watching the show to read the books, but I’m also consuming a lot of other media at the moment, so I don’t know when I’ll get back to it)

The Half of It (the premise sounds so freaking relatable I can’t wait to feel some type of way about the constant sapphic pining I experienced in high school & didn’t even know about at the time because of comphet yay)

The Handmaiden (I’ve been trying to get into more international media lately, as you can see by some of the other pieces of media in this post, and this movie looks too good to pass up)

Killing Eve (up to the finale but stopping before the end cuz my queer little heart can’t take YET MORE bury your gays in the year of our lord 2023. also the book series. maybe)

The Legend of Korra (once I finish ATLA)

The Owl House (currently waiting for the next episode. Also, I’m still so mad this show was canceled by Disney >:()

Paper Girls (science fiction combined with middle-grade fiction and queer characters? Sign me up!)

Sense8 (for the queer vibes in general)

The Wilds (for the canon wlw AND all the wlw vibes)

Yellowjackets (ditto)

Media I might consume but haven’t decided yet:

Huge shout-out to @femslashrevolution (abbreviated as F.R. in this post from now on) for introducing me to a lot of these pieces of media with active-ish wlw fandoms through their reblogs!

Astrid & Lilly Save the World (I don’t know much about it, but the gifs reblogged by F.R. look promising)

Harlem (I’ve heard mixed reviews about the wlw representation in this show, but there’s also a distinct lack of black queer shows out there, so I’m considering trying it out anyway)

House of the Dragon (partially because I haven’t finished GOT yet, but also because I don’t want my heart to be broken by the tragedy)

I Know What You Did Last Summer (this show doesn’t have the best reviews, but the actresses in it are so pretty that I might watch it anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

Kevin Can F*** Himself (seems like an interesting premise, I just don’t know if I’ll personally enjoy the show itself or not)

Legends of Tomorrow (Idk what it’s even about tbh, I’ve just seen a lot of wlw-centric and wlw-adjacent gifs reblogged by F.R.)

Lost Girl (it's included on a lot of rec lists of wlw shows, I just don’t know if I’ll actually find it interesting)

Once Upon A Time (a classic wlw fandom, but Idk if I’ll find it interesting enough to actually watch it)

Orange is the New Black (ditto)

Orphan Black (ditto)

Runaways (ditto)

Supergirl (ditto)

Willow (Idk what it’s even about tbh, I’ve just seen some cute wlw gifs reblogged by F.R. recently, so why not?)

Media I've already finished consuming:

Couple of Mirrors (SO GOOD!!! A (sadly heavily censored, but still very well-done) GL-based Chinese drama that is slated to get a second season depending on the support, so please go watch and support it! It also has a manhua (read the original here and the English summaries here))

First Kill (campy with pretty horrid music choices, but I still enjoyed the watching experience even though the show was kinda bad. Who doesn’t like a little bit of camp every now and again?)

Girlfriend Project Day 1 (cute, short little fake dating GL K-drama that is slated to get a second season if they can raise the funds for it! Watch it here)

More than or Equal to 75 Celsius (≥75°C) (short GL K-drama, very aesthetic, and the actresses are beautiful! Watch it here)

Zero Photography (short spin-off GL Thai drama that features Ink & Pa from the bigger BL series Bad Buddy. Definitely worth the watch!)

Have I missed any must-watch/must-read/must-consume pieces of wlw or wlw-adjacent media that y’all love? Please let me know in the reblogs and give me your recommendations!

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superduperkas · 2 years

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Me laughing at all the straight men review bombing and "critiquing" the A League of Their Own series cause they're big mad there's not a conventional straight woman to be found for them to gape at:

#and i know marybell is straight but in the first episode she lists all the reasons men are intimidated by her #over here cackling #they're so mad about media being made without them in mind #a league of their own series #a league of their own amazon #a league of their own #LGBTQ #black #lesbian #bisexual #wlw #sapphic #so many are claiming there are too many queer woman on the show #that it's realistic for the 40s #i swear too many straight ppl especially men act like queer ppl popped up out of nowhere in the 80s #I'm laugh but still irritated #pls review and rate

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once-upon-a-womens-soccer · 2 years

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By the way, this is your daily reminder to go and watch A league of their own (2022) on amazon prime and give it great reviews on every site. This is the type of show we've been waiting for. It has great rep, great stories, a lot of gays and even great queer POC characters and we all know that this is a rarity.

*SPOILERS AHEAD*

I just love that they took Max's storyline and really build it. She wasn't just an afterthought, she was a very important character with a very important storyline and i love how well they showed that she has to work ten times harder and longer to be in the same place where the white women are. I also love that they showed the passivity of white women in the show (something a lot of people still need to realize is very dangerous) - for example, that scene where Max told Carson that she didn't do shit when she was kicked out of try outs, is so important. Like, we see Carson the whole season that she's not racist towards Max or anyone for that matter and the show could've easily make a hero out of her for that but no, we see her naivety in the scene where Max is strying to buy crab for Clance and later we see the call out and we see that it's good that she's not discriminating but in the end it doesn't really matter, it's not enough. Also that scene with Lupe and Jess, where Jess says "I haven't really thought about it like that" and Lupe says something along the lines "you didn't have to"...

Also, Jo's story, the raid on the bar, everything that happens to those people there who are not able to blend in as well as the others and that's how they get the wors of it. How dangerous it is to be yourself but it's still better than dying inside everyday even though everything could be taken away from them in a second. Bert and his pain because he could actually listen to his sister and live a lie to keep his family but he refuses because that's absolutely wrong and it's no way to exist...

Gosh, the more i think about it, the more i appreciate it. Just please..go watch it people. It cannot get cancelled after one season.

#a league of their own #max chapman #lupe garcia #carson shaw #jo de luca #bertie #spoilers

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pigeonwit · 5 months

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thoughts on billie the kid: act 1

this is by no means a synopsis or a review, just my thoughts and things i wanted to share while i was watching. it will cover a lot of the plot though, so spoiler warning!!

the whole cast was on stage for gez and conway’s pre-show speech and when they were done they all filed off for olivia to take centre stage, all giving her little shoulder pats – and then jodie steele fully slapped her ass with her binder.

‘poor white trash girl’ the ballad of my fellow working class bitches who were always just normal enough to be tolerated as long as we didn't complain too much.

right off the bat we see billie is popular, but… no she's not. her friends clearly love her - they seem to get along and kelly, her best friend and school valedictorian, is very humble and proud towards billie upon finding out she's shooting for a scholarship at a community college despite kelly herself having been early accepted to duke. she even shuts down another of their friends, candy, when she tries to make a subtle dig at billie’s first choice being a community college. but that’s just it. billie IS different to these wealthy ivy league girls, from her hand-me-down jacket to working nights at a truck stop to keep the lights on. they get to giggle at her adorable dreams of going to a community college. they get to smile approvingly at how hard shes trying. they get to say ‘did you tell them about your moms… SITUATION?’ as if the only reason billie could get a scholarship is because shes a sob story. and kelly stops this - when she sees billie as an ally. when she doesnt, shit hits the fan. but thats getting ahead of myself.

brodie is a genuinely kind and doting boyfriend, and im really glad they went that route with him. there are so many characters where it would have been easy to follow the tropes, from brodie to billie's mother to mrs banks. but brodie is such a sweet guy - he takes care of billie, keeps her books and ‘emergency yoghurts’ (i think i heard that right?) in his locker, he makes up silly cheer routines to make her laugh. im glad they made brodie this kindhearted, softspoken boy whose only crime is being FRIGHTENED. and also betraying billies trust but we’ll get to that.

in all the plans billie and brodie make together, its clear brodie’s taking a backseat. billie makes the plans. billie's getting them both out of here. brodie’s just along for the ride. now you can absolutely read this as billie being taken advantage of, because with how scared brodie is, i do see that as part of it - but i think it also goes to show how stifling your own queerness creates a lack of awareness as to who you are and what you want from your future.

when billie finds out about the sexting, shes obviously horrified and devastated. brodies her one support in such a chaotic life, and we’ve seen firsthand how much he loves her. we also see firsthand how much billie trusts kelly, to share her deepest embarrassment with her and trust she wouldn't tell anyone. something i like that they added is that when billie goes to confront brodie, she isnt an automatic feminist girlboss about it. she is genuinely conflicted about what brodie did to her because she loves him so much and loves that he loves her. she even begins to believe she’d be ok with the cheating as long as brodie still loved her, which is what causes her to seek out his sidepiece so that she can try and force ‘her’ into leaving brodie alone. i like that billie is flawed here, i like that she'd actually go through with this humiliation if it meant she could just have someone support her - it really hammers home how desperate she is for some stability in her life and how much disrespect she’d put up with just for someone to show up for her, which i think you can also see in the way her friends treat her.

something interesting in the show is that while i thought brodie and david KNEW they were texting each other, they actually have a rule of ‘no names, no faces’ set by brodie. i dont know how he found davids number, but david does mention at one point "these footballers, they always do this. make a new account just to mess with me." so like. were they legit on grindr? guys… still, them not knowing who the other is makes me really curious about their relationship and what they shared. david calls him ‘football star’ so he must know brodie plays - i wonder what else they shared with each other beyond just dirty messages?

(also, david canonically cant spell for shit - as billie reads their messages she exclaims “oh, come on, brodie, you couldn't’ve cheated on me with someone who can READ?”)

the acoustic version of ‘confederate fag’ really gave me the wrong idea of the song - which is of course the point, to recontextualize the material - but oh my god hearing it the way its meant to be heard?? i’m stunned. the story is that davids been out of school for a week because he tried to commit suicide. well, now hes decided not to let anyone's words get to him ever again, so hes hyping himself up to go back to school (‘been in bed for six days, and on the seventh, i rested’ is a line thats been driving me crazy… yep thats an accurate depiction of my mental state!!). the title comes from the fact that he tore down the confederate flag their school hung from their flagpole to commemorate the ‘honorable soldiers who died defending their rights’ and graffitied it.

“okay, david. first day back, and we are serving reclaimed slurs, reclaimed hatred, and, uh… (leans forward to awkwardly spit on the flag, obviously grossed out but looking quite pleased after he does so) pride.”

confederate fag is such a hyped-up, blood pumping, fist clenching, kick your ass song that fills me with so much determination - fuck yeah!! hes not gonna back down!! hes not gonna lose to some dumb fucking bigots!! hes better than them!! and hes not going to let them kill him before he gets the life he deserves!!

“yeah, you can try and kill me [flips off kelly and candy] OHHH but i got there FIRST!!! 😜😜😜 HAHA!!!” i mentioned this before but YES BITCH RECLAIM THAT TRAUMA, THEY TRIED TO KILL YOU BUT THEY COULDNT, IT WAS ALL FUCKING YOU AND THEY DONT GET TO TAKE CREDIT FOR IT!!!

as he sings, the cast freezes around him as he manipulates them, flipping off kelly and candy, tearing pages from teachers clipboards, and drawing lipstick over a jocks face. he also runs upstage to sing into the stand-mic and as he sings the final chorus the cast do these limp puppet motions of saluting and pumping their fists. really shows that david's hopes for a better future are flimsy, half formed and not all the way real, but visible enough for him to keep on hoping.

so peaches mouse and david (when he wasnt in the hospital) all sold drugs together. they seem like a gang, but they really make it clear that theyre a family - the drugs are just to keep them all afloat as they try to skip town. but peaches, my QUEEN peaches, is the one who bites the bullet and says ‘enough is enough, david is not safe here and we are leaving NOW’. she sells the last of their amount for 3k and decides shes getting her family out of winchester creek forever. and while i do love peaches so much, a lot of her character revolves around this, a very fierce older sister need to protect everyone and fix all their problems singlehandedly. and god i wish she’d just get a break from it man. or at least be allowed to express some frustration with that at all. but she seems to really take pride in protecting her family, so i wont overstay my welcome on that topic.

this protectiveness manifests in her literally sabotaging herself to protect her family. when mouse is harassed by candy at school, who frequently misgenders and deadnames them as she tries to buy vicodin off of them, peaches scares her away even after she tries offering them more money and winds up losing a customer. i truly do love that scene so much. get her peaches!! she deserves NOTHING.

“peaches” is a flawless song, you've all heard it by now. hannah victorias singing is unreal and she is truly the glue of the show. more peaches appreciation!! this lesbian gave us EVERYTHING!!

during the lyrics “show her some love!” mouse dances around peaches making heart-hands and gesturing for the audience to hype her up. yes!! appreciate her yall!!

when david shows up at school hes immediately cornered by candy and mary-beth (the religious nut played by yuki sutton, whose comedic timing and delivery is flawless and who deserves the world itself). the scene is skin-crawlingly uncomfortable in the best of ways.

“we had to have two whole classes for suicide awareness for you, david!” “… we’re very aware now!”

“now i know why you did what you did, david, you dont have to say it… it was SATAN! and i just can’t believe that after all he did to you, youre… still… dressing like that?” “of course he is, mary-beth, hes still a homo! aren't you, david :)” “STILL?! you mean after all that time in the hospital they still didnt fix you?! david you should get your money back…” (sidebar - ryan kopels stonefaced reactions to this were just so fucking funny.) he tries to sneer her off, but she grabs him. “no, i mean it, david. you're sick.”

the show really knew how to use mary-beth as a character, and yuki sutton REALLY knew how to play her. she provides some much needed levity with all her bible-thumping insanity and her sheer dedication to the hysteria (“AND GOD SAID THOU SHALT NOT LIE ABOUT GUN CONTROL!!!!!!” “its not his fault, he werent raised right! hes never even been to SEAWORLD!!!”) made the entire theatre fucking WHEEZE. but man when she says “you’re sick”, those two simple words, it just… UGH. its chilling. just how much she CARES when she says it. its brilliant and its awful and i love it. GENIUS.

also david gets to get in candys face and yell BITE ME at her which was therapeutic for me.

i find it so heartbreakingly sweet that peaches is confused as to why david is late because “you were supposed to come in with mouse!”. do they all travel in packs to keep each other safe. “no one walks alone” type deal. cause thats… so beautiful and so sad.

“how are you feeling, david…?” “... better now im with my family.” and he RUNS to hug peaches and mouse… oh it HURTS and i love it. ugh and theyre all so excited to leave… mouse gets so excited at the prospect of becoming a hot LA surfer dude :’) you deserve it babyyyy

so funny that billie just GRABS david to come talk to her. No conversation, they barely know each other, she just grabs him and says ‘i need to talk to you’ without stopping as she walks.

peaches: david, you gonna be okay…?

david, looking billie up and down: yeah, i think i can take her.

when billie drags david away to talk to him mouse gets so defensive and like. they're right to be, kelly and her friends have consistently been assholes to them, but also its so funny to see mouse’s little self trying to square up on their tiptoes to say ‘watch yourself, CHEERLEADER’ like peaches come get your chihuahua.

it is… so disheartening seeing david’s face drop upon seeing brodie’s phone. football star was important enough for david to text him on the day he was supposed to go back to school after everything and he wholeheartedly believes it was all a joke just to mess with him.

“so brodie’s… not gay?” “him? no. he’s just an asshole.” “... oh, thank GOD!!”

i love that the show does take its time establishing that even though billie's more self aware than her friends, she's not immune to the rhetoric of her small town. she's against gun control at first and fully carries a pistol with her. when david mocks her for being relieved brodie isn't gay, she says “oh no, being gay’s fine for you! but for brodie, it'd just be freaky”. she GENUINELY thinks that none of her friends would turn on brodie for being gay because ‘people love him!’. and its so… SO heartwrenching to see the way david glares at the floor as she says that. ‘people love him!’ … and didnt anyone love david?

david: stick by your boyfriend. if he really is gay, he's gonna need all the help he can get. and besides [spoken with the bitchiest tone, the haughtiest head-tilt, and a cunt matched only by god herself] he ain’t my type 🙄

[and then he lifts his heels and swivels his ankles in a little twirl as he goes to walk offstage… bbygirl i want to STUDY you…]

“david reckons you said all that to mess with him. but i said no, not my brodie. so which is it? are you a bully… or are you just… 🥺 GAY 🥺???” ugh billie my wet puppy of a girl i LOVE you

“cowboy cheerleader” my beloved. brodie has spent so long living in the background because he’s been too terrified to be himself. But he really did want what’s best for billie. He really does love her.

you really do get the sense that billie and her mother are two people who love each other and so desperately want something from the other that the other is just not able to give due to their situation. betty is fighting her addiction – sidebar, oh my god this show does such a good job at showing that addiction is not a character flaw, oh my god – and doesn’t want to lose billie to college, but she has not given billie much reason to have faith in her. she’s still in contact with her dealers, she doesn’t seem to care about billie’s hopes of a scholarship, and so billie is so used to her mother letting her down that she (justifiably) assumes the worst in her, something that could be solved so easily if her mother just SHOWED UP – but how can she when she thinks billie wants to so badly to be rid of her? Whenever they speak to each other you really get the idea that they both care about each other and are trying so hard to show it but they just can’t meet in a way that makes sense to the other. billie always assumes the worst in her mother (again, justifiably so) and her saying “brodie was always too good to be true” so easily becomes “so what, he’s too good for me?”. but man they are both trying so hard to reach one another… and they get there, eventually.

also betty immediately being supportive of her brodie-bear… outcasts unite baby. she knew what was coming and she wanted him to know he was safe with her.

the show does a great job of showing that billie is well within her right to be upset at brodie for lying to her and cheating on her, but she also understands that brodie needs the support he always gave her, so even though there is an obvious shift in their relationship (her being uncomfortable being touched by him and making the same jokes they used to make) she still decides to be there for him and make sure david, peaches and mouse won’t tell anyone what they know.

and on that topic, it’s interesting that upon finding out the other now knows who they've been texting, both brodie and david assume the other is going to throw them under the bus. david panics that this is another football team prank and kelly’s already going to gossip about it - and brodie panics that david’s definitely told peaches, who’s for sure going to gossip about it.

“do we really have to be here? i knew i was texting a boy but... i just thought he was a nice boy? not some satanist like david frances…” “david frances is not a SATANIST! … PROBABLY!”

upon finding brodie and billie at the creek:

peaches: well, there goes the neighbourhood. david: oh, what the hell are you two doing here!? mouse: yall know there’s no starbucks around here right?

i love these fucking queers SO MUCH-

david looks so shocked and so touched that billie would actually stick her neck out for brodie and pretend they’re still together after everything. his admiration for her really starts in that moment.

"and another thing-" "ugh, seriously? has anyone ever told you two you're kind of hard to deal with?!" david you are everything to me

billie: so – look. we’re gonna go ahead and tell everyone that nothing’s happened, that we’re still together, but you gotta do the same, okay? peaches, actual gremlin: [gasp] SECRETS! secrets and LIES! mouse, actual gremlin x2: dirty, dirty CLOSET secrets!!!

i love these losers so fucking much…

“welcome to the gang!” “not quite.” “yeah, you are the only one not looking the part here…” “if you wanna be in our gang, sandra-dee, we need to get you a leather jacket!” STOP these queer kids welcoming brodie into their group… letting him know he’s not alone… i’ll CRY

i wanna talk about brodie and david... look the point of the show is not the two-second-long sexting-based relationship between david and brodie. they both seem very okay with leaving it be and just respecting each other as friends and comrades as they go to live their own lives on their own terms. but god i really want to know if they talked about the anonymous texting. i want to know if they talked about being the only two gay men in town. i want to know if they talked at all. there’s this quiet understanding and respect between them as they sit next to each other and drink and just look at each other, really seeing each other for the first time, and i really want to know if there was anything more to that.

something so interesting during ‘another lover’ is that billie actually sits on the steps near the band and allows the queer characters to be up at the front welcoming brodie into their group as they all drink around the campfire together. she lets them have their moment of solidarity without intrusion. that’s something i really wasn’t expecting but it’s so beautiful to see.

something that’s also really important to note is that as much as billie lets the group have their moment of solidarity, they also take a step back and allow her to express her love for brodie as they part ways and allow her to have her moment of grief during ‘my favourite guy’. billie’s never had a consistent figure in her life and brodie was that for her. and he still is, but it’s so different now. as much as she understands and forgives and stands by him, she has been let down here, and she deserves to have a moment to mourn that nothing can go back to the way it was for them.

and this leads to another wonderful ‘billie is flawed but not BAD’ moment – when kelly calls her… oh my goodness billie just wants some support. and she still tries her best not to take it. She still tries to say everything is fine, her and brodie are still together, but Kelly is just not having it. ‘have you been crying? billie, just TELL me!’ ... look there’s no one left in billie’s life right now who she feels completely 100% comfortable in trusting. she doesn’t know david peaches and mouse that well, and she wants brodie to be supported, but she can’t confide her thoughts about him cheating on her and their break-up to the guy who cheated on her and who she broke-up with… so yes, naturally she seeks help in kelly. she trusts kelly, the girl who was always kind to her, supported her, chided their friends when they made pointed comments about her 'situation', so... kelly would never hurt her, would she?

“you know… you know that boy, david frances...? well-” “hey cowgirl, get over here!” “oh, right – sorry, kelly, i’ve got to – kelly…?” oh no.

“oh brodie was just telling us all what a crazy gun nut you are!” oh NO.

the hush that falls over them all when they realize billie carries. brodie doesn’t see anything wrong with it, of course – he knows billie, he knows she only goes shooting at the range in a controlled environment because it reminds her of her dad, he knows she’d never hurt anyone. but the way peaches goes dead silent and always keeps a hand on mouse, the way all three of them step so quietly and so warily around her…

“i didn’t have you down for all this ‘fastest draw in the west’ stuff.” “just call me billie the kid!” STOP STOP STOP I DIDN’T THINK THAT THAT WAS WHERE THE TITLE WAS COMING FROM-

when billie says “i can show you, if you want!” she means it with such good intentions, she just wants to share a skill she has with her friends – and mouse is so eager to touch the gun, probably through some teenage ‘guns are cool’ mentality, probably because they’re so unused to having power in their life, but peaches immediately yanks them back. “our fingerprints aren’t going on ANY firearms” oof… it’s like she’s playing it off as a joke, but… we know she's not, right?

but david… oh david is ENAMOURED by the gun… he treats it with such child-like wonder, this thing that could take a life when everyone around him tried so hard to take his. he’s nervous to use it, embarrassed when he misses, laughing awkwardly – and billie takes his hand, guides him to look down the barrel, to shoot true and HIT. she really does think she’s doing good. she really thinks she’s helping him take back some control in his life, because that's what shooting is for her.

“we all have the right to defend ourselves! people like you, people like mouse – we all have a right to protect ourselves when we feel our lives are at stake.” “well, god bless america!” NO DAVID NOOOOOO BILLIE I UNDERSTAND YOU THINK YOU’RE HELPING BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

cue ‘sharks in the water’. it’s a fucking bop but my god is it terrifying… especially when the girls tell abel about the messages. he’s the one who called david a homo. he’s the one who makes all the gay jokes for brodie to partake in. and he looks FURIOUS.

the horror in brodie’s face when his phone starts pinging… the devastation in david’s face when he sees what happened to him happening all over again…

when billie holds david’s hand over the gun like a promise and says “this keeps us safe.” and then the blackout drops... the DREAD in my stomach!!!!!!!!! what a fucking way for act 1 to end!!!!!

#billie the kid #billie the kid musical #fic thoughts #tw suicide mention #tw gun mention #ryan kopel #musical theatre

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